#[the someone in question is in fact his meet video. which was released yesterday in 2011. but I did not finish this until today :/]

[chiropteracupola]

the doctor is in...

[flintlock fortress is a collaboration with @dxppercxdxver]

[liam-93-productions]

Liam’s full interview with Tings Magazine - Part 2

Note: the interview was recorded in may 2020. 

You had the support system of Harry, Louis, Niall and Zayn during your teen years. When that support system stopped, having to deal with it by yourself, did that seem like a harder loss than it did leading up to that? It felt more like an identity crisis because that was like your crutch almost, being a part of the band. It got to the point where it was almost invincible. But that kind of got let go. I had serious questions about whether I wanted to be a solo artist. My thing was if the right song came then I wil, then obviously “Strip That Down” came along and I couldn’t really say no.  It’s a bit crazy, especially being released on such a pedestal. You don’t want to undo your legacy for what you set for yourself because you achieve so much so quickly. It’s kind of funny. I was playing poker the other day for a charity. Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul and a couple of big Hollywood celebrities at this one table and me, which was the most random thing ever. They were like, “I’ve got questions that I like to ask people at the poker table. What was your first job?” Everyone was like I was a paperboy, or I was that, and I was like my first job was One Direction. And Bryan Cranston was like “You can’t really go anywhere from there. You’ve set yourself a hard task.” And I thought it was really funny, but it’s so true. One Direction was such a massive thing and I think we were all just existing since One Direction and in a sense, the hype of the comeback is the thing that’s kept us bubbling along. For sure, from that start, it was this massive identity crisis, you were a part of this unit and you knew how you fit in the unit. You knew the part that you played and as soon as that was gone, you couldn’t play the same role and carry on that way because the other units weren’t there to put it all together if that makes sense. So, you really had to try to discover who you were but in the public eye. That was stressful. 

How was that process for you, other than being stressful? How did you go about doing that? Really badly (laughs). 

Not at all. I disagree with that. You are very much different now than you were then. And you’ve grown into who you are now in a really amazing way. Was part of this identity something that was brewing during your time at One Direction. I feel like you hear Zayn do interviews and he’s been very clear about feeling different than how he’s been projected in One Direction and the identity that he’s become now. Was that the same case for you? Or was it more of a discovery process where you had no idea who you were when you left? Oh no, it was a complete discovery process. I mean if you look as simple as clothes. We were told what to wear at the start. It was like having four twin sisters. It was like ‘you can’t wear that’, ‘I’m wearing this’. So, we each got our thing. Mine was like plaid shirts. And for two years of my life, I just wore plaid shirts because that was my thing. Then we came out of that and went into this black phase where we all wore black t-shirts and black jeans or white t-shirts and black jeans. And when you come out of it and you don’t have to wear black t-shirts and jeans anymore, I was like, ‘what the hell do I wear?’ I went through a complete transition of clothes and different things. And that is only one element of your life, your appearance, what you look like.  For other things, for humor, you only experience the same humor for five years, around the same people. Then that changes. You meet other people. And we become more into the P.C. generation of things and it was like “we can’t say this anymore. We can’t do that”. And that was like another thing. As you try to develop, you make several mistakes. I went through the gangster rap phase. And it is the same with music as well. At first, it was like all the chains and rap, it was like escape the boyband scenario for me. 

The Miley Cyrus effect. The Disney to bad girl effect.  Exactly, I wanted to escape and identify myself differently. And I kind of pushed that to as many limitsas it could go to. Ever since then, as you get older, you realize that time is a wonderful thing. Instead of being on a race to be a certain someone because all your role models are so far ahead of you because they are already there, but they didn’t start there. For me, when I got into acting and doing auditions most recently, I started looking at actors that I love. Brad Pitt is one of my favorite, favorite people, you know, who’s transitioned to being the most amazing person, who has his own identity. I was thinking, how did he do it? So, I watched an interview of him at twenty-six. You have to watch it. He barely answers a question in the interview, you can’t believe it’s the Brad Pitt you see now. 

That’s thirty years of media training in between. Exactly! And this was when he did his first role. I already had my first role, being in One Direction, so I’m even further on than he was at my age. I don’t have to worry so much now I just have to have trust in the process of whatever life is, I know this sounds a little bit around about the house, but I just think you have to take a back seat and move steadily into things.  When you are a kid, you are in such a rush. You’re like I want it now. I want to be this guy. When I did my Hugo thing, it was all about muscles and training, and I was looking at Mark Wahlberg. And Mark Wahlberg is freakin’ Mark Wahlberg! It’s a taken him years and years to be Mark Wahlberg. It’s just where you set your sights for your role models, I guess. It’s the little thing that it has to come now and that’s what pop stardom is like, because you need it right now because you are already in it. I’m not waiting to come up, I’m already in it. 

Quick and constant. There’s this constant need to feed the system or you’re out of the system. Yeah, and it’s easier for artists nowadays. If you look at NSYNC, after they broke up, it was like, unfortunately, nobody really cared about what J.C. and the other boys were doing. So, they didn’t get the articles. Now, it’s like you are your own charge in that. You can be the front page of so-and-so if you really want to be. You just have to do the right thing on your channel. So, it’s like being able to be in charge of that stuff helps artists a lot more these days. But once again, that’s pressure because we are all in charge of our press and media from our phones. Whereas, they would have to go into work and have someone lay our the interviews or they wouldn’t get them. So, I suppose it’s a different type of pressure really. 

Yeah, and it’s a different landscape. They would have it laid out for them, and those interviews would last months and months, where today it’s like one day. Then it’s swipe up, swipe left, and onto the next thing. The lifespan of what we put out is so much shorter.  That’s the ting. I had TikTok out yesterday and I haven’t really invested a lot of time into something. But I made this really stupid song about cookies that went with my video. I literally just made this fun song in my house and we were like “Screw it” let’s make a music video for it. We did like one of those Lonely Island type videos and put it out. It’s one of the pieces of content that I cared about the most because I made the whole song and whatever. It was fun, and I wanted people to enjoy it the same way I did.  But even when you post something like that, I see some people where it just goes completely over their heads, that this is just a fun thing to look at. It doens’t mean anything. It doesn’t mean that my next album is going to be about freakin’ cookies or whatever. I think we’ve lost some of the lightheartedness, having to take ourselves so seriously all the time. It doesn’t make any sense to me. It’s like, you can view the average time that someone looked at a post, so it’s that cutthroat. If they stayed on for five seconds or whatever, the average time should be the full time and if it’s not, the post was bad. You have that power now, but it’s in seconds. Even the average time someone came on to look at it, it’s down to the seconds. 

You brought up the hype of a reunion and relevancy and keeping that alive. That interest. Where does that stand? There’s a lot of conflicting articles about a One Direction reunion. What can you say or not say, what’s the official word? To be honest with you, I keep mixing up the words reunion and anniversary. Our anniversary is coming up; it’s ten years that we created the band which is amazing. It’s a huge achievement for all of us. Every so often, I’ll accidentally say reunion and I’ll be like “oh my Dog, that conflicts another report.” I’ve been really clear that there’s not a reunion, just because I know music schedules. Harry just put out a music video and that’s got two years in it before we even think about a reunion. And I just don’t think everyone’s done yet. I think everyone’s enjoying their time, making their own workm that little bit of freedom. Um, and One direction is not exactly a side career that you can have. It requires you to be fully in it. Until we can all stop and commit to the band for whatever reason, I don’t think it can come back. I think there will be a reunion and I’m excited about it and I think it’s be a lot of fun. It will be interesting to see if we have the same essence that we had as kids. 

Essence meaning synergy on stage or camaraderie? I think a little bit of both. I mean One Direction was such a free time, and people enjoyed the fact that it was five lads on a stage having a good time. They didn’t care if we sang in tune or if we fell over. That’s what the show was about. It was chaotic. We’ve all become these more polished popstars. I don’t know if we have the same carefreeness about us, is what I’m worries about. But it’s been nice we’ve all been talking, staying in touch. It’s the first time that everyone’s spoken in the last five years. It’s just nice that everyone’s grown into being nice people. There’s none of them that I really hate. Everyone’s grown up into nice young men who just gone on a bit further from where you left them. 

Who are you closest to? Do you speak to any of them regularly? We have a big respect for each other. And I don’t think we give each other enough credit for how we’ve helped each other as well. I speak more to Louis and Niall than I do anybody else. I speak to Harry on occasion. I think we don’t have very much in common as people. There’s nothing wrong with us. We just don’t have as much in common. And Zayn, sadly, has fallen completely by the ... which is terrible. I feel for him sometimes, but at the same point, he made his decision on that. And it’s not something you can go back to lightly. If I saw him on the street, would I say hello? 100 percent. It doesn’t bother me, intrusively. I’ve already spoken about his great news. Having been through it myself, ... it’s interesting. I just think it’s a lonely scenario to be in, not being able to speak to the other people that helped you get to where you are. 

If you were to guess, or maybe you already know, would you see that reunion including Zayn or is that over and done with? I think it’s over and done with, for the time being. You can never fully discount it because you had the Robbie Williams Take That scenario. I remember watching that concert when I was in the band. It was so interesting that they were in a band, he left and had all the success he had, and came back. He had his own section of the show which I thought was interesting. They weren’t down in the dumps. They had some of the biggest hits in Britain. I don’t think you can fully discount it. I know for now it’s not possible. I think, for now, it would take certain people to admit wrong in a scenario and I don’t see that happening because they don’t even realize it yet. That’s a little further down the line. 

If a reunion happens, how do you think you would envision that creatively? Everyone has such different formed identities.  I actually think that we’ve picked up on that already, not knowing what is about to happen next. I remember from the tour screens from the very last tour. The introduction with the songs showed us on video doing different things. It set us apart ever so slightly. But I feel like if we came back together, it would be a celebration of what One Direction was, what is now, and each of the members. I think the tour screens would Harry is a completely different aesthetic that I was. I just think the band’s name is completely ironic because everyone has gone in opposite directions. Maybe, that’s the point of the name. I don’t know. Yeah, I just think it would fit back together quite seamlessly, for completely different reasons. 

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

99 Problems (Favored Ones, Part 8.)

Series description: Many things were surely fucked up in the year 2038, but no-one ever told anyone how all of it went down. What happened before a group of people left for Seattle to handle personal matters? Why did one girl refuse to leave all of it be? And why there were so many dead in the end?

Part Summary: Waking up after a perfect night always seems to be so rough. What should you think? What should tell? And how the fuck were you supposed to behave in front of the man... And the others?

A/N: Oh no, we’re in the part when we’re finally starting the countdown until Abby arrives in town. And the song is about the aftermath of the nasty fucking things you and Joel were doing. 99 Problems inspired the first half of the chapter and a song named Hell and You (by Amigo the Devil) had inspired the rest.

Warnings: None other than half of the characters being confused as usual and smut at the end.

Word count: 5.6 K

Tagging:  @nemodoren @xxgoldenhour @missdictatorme​ @peakymarvels​ @davnwillcome​ @pickleriiick​ @jodiereedus22​ @gladiosamicitias​ @tamkashi​ @eternallyvenus​ @avengerssstuff​ @fangirl-inthe-us

Series master list: H E R E

Joel Miller’s playlist for the bonfire occasions: H E R E

Fall of 2037, five months before the incident:

In the morning, it was barely morning, your eyes just shot open. The night was still behind the windows, the light was slowly lurking in. Jesus, you couldn't tell what is hurting more - if it was your goddamn head or your fucking thighs. Just when you were about to climb from the bed you realized, that it isn't your house and that someone has their hand over your waist.

Oh, Lord. Slowly, the things which happened last night... All the words which were said and all the things that were done... Were coming to your head and suddenly, you could see each moment vividly. You've done it. You've fucked with Joel Miller. Joel was still sleeping pretty deeply, which made you act fact - withing few minutes, you were all dressed up and sneaking out of the house to run to your home.

Sure, you've fantasized about having him exactly as you had him, yet the realization was making you dizzy and ashamed, to be honest. He still was Ellie's dad, for fuck's sake. If she would get to know... Fuck you then, you were a dead man for her. The funniest part was yet to come. Sure, lessons with Joel were far gone because of the fucking weather, just like the classes, but the patrol you were about to have with Ellie was about to be interesting. The things you were doing with Joel felt completely right, you wouldn't have it any other way, but in the perspective of the situation around it? Jesus.

You were asking yourself questions the whole time you were packing your things for the patrol - how you and Joel were planning to make this fuckery work anyway? You'd always come late in the night, leaving when everything's done or early in the morning so no-one would see you? How would you know that you can come to him that day? You'll just knock on his door, asking 'Joel, wassup? Wanna hook up today?'. Yeah, sure, you could see yourself asking him. And most importantly, what if it was just the result of all these emotions brewing and going boom inside of you? What if he wouldn't want to do that emotionally sober? There was this one question going through your head quite a lot: what the fuck have you done?

On the other hand, when the man woke up just minutes after you left, he shouldn't be surprised to find the house empty - but it still caught him off-guard. So, were you trying to tell him something with disappearing into the thin air without a word, a note, anything, weren't you? Well, it was an experiment which went exactly as he assumed - you weren't into someone like him. You were too young and you thought that you were sure about wanting him, just to realize that it was a mistake. So much for not being alone, at least in some way, right?  

But it made him think about some things Joel already thought are buried deep inside of him. Those demons which he hadn't heard of in years. He didn't hear these inside his head ever since he and Ellie moved into Jackson. These thoughts were concerning Tess. And a lot about her. It was no mystery that he and she had something together. It was just because of the physical release, sure, but it was something. It started one night, it came out of nowhere. They were already partners at the time, this was just a friendly help as Tess would say. But truth be told, Joel never believed anyone enough after Tess to end up in bed with them.

You were the first one in five years. The first one to even show some interest in him. And the first one who didn't seem to be enough of a bitch to stab him in the back. Well, these things happen and it didn't exactly go according to the plan.

It was strange to meet you in the city almost every other day. Sometimes, you were there with Ellie, sometimes with other friends. And you never spared him a look, you never stopped for a few words just like he always did before. When meetings were happening, you made sure that you sit somewhere where he couldn't see you, so it wouldn't be possible to make any kind od eye-contact with you. You felt scared just because of the though Joel speaking to you. The whole of September went like that. And when November had started, the tension felt so strong that even others had noticed.

"I thought that you and Joel are on the good note now." - Ellie asked one night when you stopped by to play some video games and to have a sleepover after a busy week when you were shifted to help with the animals. Both of you were dressed in old, comfy sweats and drank some beer while playing Ellie was winning since she had the damn console at home, but you had a ton of fun nonetheless. Well, until this question.

"What?" - You asked with a chuckle, opening a package of sweets you got from Seth. It was something called donuts or so and it was fucking delicious.

"Nothing. He just looks so fucking butthurt when you're around, I just noticed yesterday. Tommy was trying to talk to him when you were sitting ar the next table - I wouldn't think it's you, but then he looked over to you and he got even more heated up. As if he was angry with you or some shit. What's that about?" - Okay, it wasn't the time to panic now, it was time for you to make something up. You were good at that, your small lies saved you and Ellie quite a few times. So now it was your time to lie to Ellie directly.

"Oh, oh yeah, that." - You nodded when you pretended that you suddenly realized. You had to pretend it wasn't even that important to you - and you were one of a good actor when it came to that. - "Yeah, we had some disagreements about my hunting lessons, so I told him some nasty things." - You rolled your eyes at the memory, secretly thinking about all of the nasty things you've done to him for real. For a moment, Ellie was laying there and looking at you, as if she was not really convinced that's the case - but suddenly, she started laughing. The sound of her laughter made you finally breathe out. She believed you.

"He can be an asshole when people ain't doing the things he wants them to do. I know... But still. I think I'm slowly getting behind the anger I felt for him. You know what I mean?" - She asked, suddenly being all vulnerable again. No-one in Jackson was able to see her the ways you did - she was blushing quite a lot around you. She never wore hair down in public - she always wore it down around you.

Maybe you've done the right thing with running away? He was right - it could damage and maybe even destroy a lot of relationships for you to only have occasional fun. Jesus, why was too hard to tell if you acted right even when you were just looking back on the situation? You were still into him, no matter how hard you tried to be into someone else. You spent a shit ton of time with Diego in the last month and as you expected, he was probably having something for you.

But every time he smiled at you, held your door, or told you a joke, you asked yourself - holy shit, why isn't Joel standing in front of me? Every time the man walked around you, your breath hitched when you remembered the pleasure time with him could bring. Every time Joel spoke at any kind of meeting, which happened rarely, you got lost in his voice and that Texas accent. What a slut you were. But what was done was done - and you couldn't just walk up to the man and kiss him after ignoring him for a month. In theory, you perfectly could, but what good would that bring?

"That's awesome. How you plan on doing that?" - You asked a bit uncomfortably, gulping one piece of the donut as you lounged back next to her. She leaned the back of her head on your thigh, opening her lips so you could feed her. At that, you smiled.

"I don't know yet." - She hummed thought the food, gulping it down. - "I think I'll just take some more time and... I will do the only thing I can. Go there, ask him to listen and talk." - Ellie closed her eyes for a moment. - "Man, do you know how fucking nervous I am about this? You're the only one who knows. If you'll going to tell it this information someone, you're waking up in the snow on one winter day."

"Really? I thought you're telling me and Dina the same amount of information?" - An answer came out of you as your eyes followed the girl who was turning off the console to play you both some movie to fall asleep during. When the first sigh came out of her, you knew something has gone bad. - "When did you two had the time to argue?"

"Well." - Ellie started, letting the opening of the movie roll. You didn't care about the fucking movie, you were staring at Ellie. - "The things are kinda on thin ice now. You remember when I told you I like someone?" - Ellie chuckled uncomfortably. You put five and five together immediately. She was looking down and suddenly, her face was red as a strawberry. No way in fucking hell. You remembered her relationship with Kat going to hell suddenly, but Dina? Holy fuck, that was a new level for you. It was still less scary than what you were doing with Joel, but it rose your eyebrows with surprise.

"You weren't talking about me?" - You tried to joke, but it wasn't appreciated at all at the moment.

"And I think she knows and something is happening between her and Jesse now, and we talked about some stuff, and now we're not talking." - Ellie told you in as few words as she could. Quietly, you sighed and laid down next to her, snuggling to her to watch the movie. You probably missed all of that because your head was all wrapped up around Joel all the time when you tried to figure out how to cross him out and forget that one night at his house. Great. You missed your best friends arguing because of the relationships. What a fucking friend you indeed were. You had to do something about that.

So the following morning, you did just that. As usual, you found Dina and Jesse together. They were just having breakfast - so you told Jesse to get up from the fucking table and leave because you and Dina were about to talk about girly stuff. Which wasn't weird at all, since you and Jesse never went easy at each other. That was why you loved the boy just as much as you did. - "What was that for? You're really off the rails today. Is it supposed to make me attracted to you?" - Dina asked playfully, wiggling her eyebrows.

"Come the fuck on, you're already into me so much you don't know what to do with it." - You answered and watched her moving her plate of veggies in front of you.

"True dat. You're angry and food always helps you when you're angry." - Dina leaned her cheek into her palm, smiling at you carefully. Yeah. Since you've spent most of the time in your workshop, gone on patrols, and with trying to take your mind off of Joel, you hadn't time to have breakfast with Dina and Ellie. And you missed it pretty bad.

"I'm not angry." - You pointed out, but stopped Dina from taking the damn plate back nonetheless, having the girl chuckle again. - "But I'm just concerned about you and Ellie. She told me a bit yesterday..." - You rose your eyebrows. Dina sighed at that, leaning her back into the chair below her. Watching you stuffing your cheeks with the food, she smiled again but didn't comment on it, since she was aware you'd tell her to fuck off as well.

"I don't know what's going on inside her now. She hasn't spoken to me in a week, she didn't even say a damned hi or acknowledged me. I told her that Jesse and I are having some... Problems now and she went all coo-coo, I haven't ever seen her like that before. She told you what was that about?" - Dina leaned her head closer to her shoulder, looking at you innocently.

Well, you had your theories, but Ellie hadn't told you officially what was happening, so all you could do was to shake your head. Dina scoffed at that, mumbling something very similar to an unbelievable 'of course she didn't'. Other than this small bit, once you allowed Jesse to join the breakfast again, it was a fun morning. As usual, you and the boy didn't hold a single comment back, making Dina laugh throughout the whole time.

It was your time to help Tommy with some things around Jackson and the patrols around it, but it was quite fun if you had to say. Tommy was a lovely guy - and ever since he stuck with you after Eve had passed away, you were looking up to him even more. And you're also screwing his brother, you slut, you told to yourself. This particular piece of information made your eyes widen. Jesus, where did that come from? Ever since this thing popping inside your head, you really couldn't think about anything else - not even Tommy's jokes made you laugh.

To have everything fucked by the evening, there was another meeting about the patrols - which was exactly what you needed, right? Another evening to strategize about sitting somewhere where Joel couldn't see. But what needed to be done, that needed to be done - especially when this meeting was supposed to assign groups for the coming up winter and spring.

It came off as expected - Tommy paired himself with Joel mostly, you had Ellie by your side, Dina and Jesse were together and Diego was assigned to Maria. There were occasions where you and Ellie would pick a kid from the patrol group. showing them what to do, but so far so good - this winter seemed to be cool. In the middle of the meeting, just when Tommy was talking about some shit that wasn't concerning you, again, you kinda turned your brain off and let your eyes just wander around the fucking room. Which you obviously shouldn't do.

Joel was just listening to his baby brother talking about stuff, leaning his ass to one of the tables as he drank his coffee. He wasn't listening from the moment Tommy grouped himself with Joel again. It didn't seem that you're hiding so far in the back that evening. You were sitting there, obviously, you weren't paying attention to Tommy for a long time. Your eyes were wandering around the room until the point they fell on him. For a moment, you were just staring at him and you probably didn't even realize you were. But it was bloody funny once you realized who you were looking at - immediately, you shifted your attention to Tommy. Nervously biting your lip this time. Wait a minute...

Joel did expect a lot from you - a look of disgust, aversion maybe, some confusion or anger... But you were just visibly nervous. Joel was purposely searching for some negative emotion in your face, for any red flag showing him you don't wanna even see him again, yet he didn't find any. That was the breaking point - he caught up with you as soon as the meeting ended, taking you aside to ask you some stuff which you two hadn't quite solved. And to solve it properly this time - already knowing how will he mess all of it up from the moment you agreed to talk to him.

You were one hella nervous-looking girl. Maybe it was that you were sobber, but your eyes were all over the place and you were playing with the hem of your shirt. - "Why we ain't talkin', girl? Did I mess somethin' up?" - The man whispered as you both stood on the other side of the street, talking rather quietly. It would be embarrassing if someone would hear even the slightest bit of your conversation.

This whole thing was confusing the shit out of you. With him being distant, possibly even cold to you, the whole month you didn't come to ask him if he liked it, it was hard to believe that he liked it. And that Joel maybe wanted to repeat it. And not once. This solution didn't come across as an answer for you, which was why you were looking at him as if you couldn't even speak proper English.

"No? How... Why... Why do you even think you've done something wrong?" - You whispered back, stepping more into the shadows. Jesus, you didn't remember missing his smell until the very moment you sniffed it again. You didn't remember how easy was to get aroused around him. You didn't know you missed these darkened eyes watching you, or the confident smirk on his face.

"Well, I woke up and you were nowhere to be seen. Quite easy to make somethin' outta that." - Joel sighed, looking around. There was one group standing a bit away from you, probably thinking about sneaking out of the city that night again.

"It... It wasn't like that." - A mumble left your lips as you watched the tips of your boots. - "I panicked, okay? I sobered up and I just thought that you might not like it as much as I did, and all the things you've told me before it happened... It was a lot." - You apologized, at least sorta apologized, Joel for your behavior. The man nodded and licked his lips - you almost missed the smug that appeared on his face. - "I couldn't even imagine how would it work, how..."

"And if I tell you to come today so I can show you how much of a torture it was for me?" - Joel asked you out of the blue, looking somewhere away from you. That made your breath hitch and eyes widen. You'd love that. You would. Yet it made you so nervous that you almost ignored a newcomer completely. It was Diego, who was visibly confused by seeing you and Joel talk in the shadows.

"Am I interrupting something?" - The black-haired boy looked at Joel, pointing at you with a wide smile. It could be seen that you're distant - it was because you had the imagination of you and Joel on your mind, both naked, inside his bedroom. Which was exciting. - "Not at all, son. What do you need?" - Joel grinned at him, trying how much fucked up he can get you before getting you into his bed.

"Um, it's kinda weird to talk about it in front of you, sir." - Diego chuckled, clearly respecting everything about that man. That poor boy was just about to ask you out, after the damned month he was building up the courage to do that. And just a moment after the man haunting your head asked you to come later that day.

"I won't tell a livin' soul, I swear." - Joel grinned at the boy. You were just standing there, already aroused from the damned question Joel asked you teasingly and now, he was pretty much enjoying seeing you in such a state. What a motherfucker.

"We're... I mean, me and a few other kids, are about to go for the last swim of the summer... And I was wondering if you'd like to go with me... I mean, us, of course." - The boy got out so silently that you could barely catch what he was asking about. When you realized, your eyes popped up.

The pressure was building inside you fast enough for you breath hitching for a second, while you had your cheeks on fire. You shot a look to Joel, who already knew your answer, and that motherfucker was just grinning. Then you turned your head back to Diego, making a sad face.

"I'm really tired to do that. I have to help in the kitchen tomorrow, so I'll be busy... I want to catch some sleep." - Your palm smoothed Diego's shoulder gently so he'd know you mean it. You were helping in the kitchen the following morning, so that wasn't a complete lie. But you were more than awake at that moment.

The boy seemed to be surprised you turned him down. He thought that you and he were building something since fall had started. You were together a lot, almost all the time, he was making you relaxed and laughing, he thought about kissing you many times as well. Maybe, he should've gone for it instead of just thinking about it. He was sure you'll come with them. But you told him no.

"Oh, sure. No problem. See you around then, I gotta go." - The boy gave you an honest smile and nodded to Joel as he was leaving slowly. His face was still saddened tho. - "Have fun, tho!" - You called out at the boy, feeling a palm creeping up your thigh even though Diego still had a clear view of you, and then a palm holding your ass pretty firmly. It was done in such a manner that Diego couldn't see a thing, yet you could feel Joel perfectly.

"What is this supposed to," - "Meet me at my place in twenty, 'kay?" - The man breathed out, already feeling himself hardening due to that small contact. After that, the palm slowly slapped you as he left you just standing there.

Confusion took hold on you once again. At least, it was a euphoric confusion this time. He liked it. He liked the night he spent with you. Joel Miller wanted to see you again, more like demanded it. His back were slowly disappearing out of your sight as you stood there with your panic mode turned on.

20 minutes was all he gave you. It was merely enough to take some seductive underwear on unless you'd make a run for it. So you ran for that shit to your home. And you almost hit Ellie with your shoulder when you just started sprinting.

She caught your shoulders to prevent you from falling, looking you in the eyes. She hasn't seen you in such a rush - never. You seemed like you can't keep your mind straight. - "What is wrong with you, baby?" - Ellie started to laugh, having Dina chuckle at you as well.

A good sign was that they both been talking before you almost killed Ellie singlehandedly. Their friendship seemed to be saved, which was great. But it wasn't concerning you in the slightest bit at the moment.

"I left my iron on. I need to turn it on right now!" - You yelled chaotically, already running off. Jesse was confusedly watching both Dina and Ellie starting to laugh. - "Why is that so funny?" - The boy asked when he circled his hand around Dina's shoulder and kissing her forehead right after.

Ellie wiped the tears away, shaking her head at the sight of you disappearing in the night. - "This girl had never ironed clothes in her life." - "Never before." - Dina finished, laughing with Ellie.

"She's probably going with Diego and other kids, they're sneaking out of the town." - Jesse assumed. That made sense. You've been always ready to do random bullshit, so going out of a midnight swim? That was you.

Well... Only if the things weren't completely different...

In record fifteen minutes, you found yourself creeping through Joel's neighborhood to see if anyone's out before knocking on the door.

He had enough time to prepare you at least a beer like a gift or something, but he chuckled at the things your behavior was saying about the things you had on your mind was enough.

"Come in, suit yourself." - Joel stepped aside, smiling at the sight of you. You were so damn cute with that small grin. You were also wearing a different t-shirt - this one wasn't yours since it was too tight and showed a good portion of your cleavage. He had never seen you wearing this one.

"Are you trying to support my alcoholism? A gentleman at his best, huh?" - You grinned upon seeing the beer served on the countertop.

"That wouldn't be too responsible, would it?" - Joel answered you, but took the second beer and toasted you before taking a good long swing. You did so too, gently meeting his bottle halfway. - "Is anything of this responsible, Joel?"

You were there again, doing exactly what you wished for and what you've told you're not ever doing again. It was strangely exciting. Honestly, you were wet beyond your wildest dreams and you could already feel the blood inside you boiling. It was quite exciting to stand there for a moment, watching each other. You almost felt as if Joel was too far away from you. With that, you put the bottle down, coming that one step closer to him. Gently, you tiptoed and put your palm on the nape of his neck, pulling him down for a kiss. This man's palms were exploring the entirety of your back thighs and ass.

How comes you haven't noticed how long his fingers were before? And how firmly he could squeeze things with them? You thought that you're maybe about to fuck on the countertop, but a hiss came directly to your ear. - "Come on, girl, take off these shoes for me."

Directly after that, he gave your ass one good slap, making you chuckle. But soon, as you saw that smile, you did what he had told you. The whole way to stairs up, you both leaned away for a while to take off another article clothes before leaning in for another heated kiss. By the time you were walking into the bedroom, you were only in your panties, while Joel stopped you before taking off his t-shirt, so you took the briefs instead. And lemme say, he was prepared to take you right there and then, but he didn't do that.

You were very confused once he laid down on his back. You smiled when you figured out that most probably, he wants you to ride him one more time, so you climbed to sit on his lap, biting your lip.

"I figured out you like it on the top, girl. You up?" - He chuckled when you palmed the shaft down there while Joel closed his eyes, smoothing both your thighs gently. It was quite fun to watch him react to the things you were doing - you hadn't seen a boy doing any soft pants under your touch. Joel even went to far to let out gentle groans sometimes. - "Jesus, get these off for me and climb 'ere." - The man looked at you, patting his stomach. You grinned as you pushed the panties away, wondering about why wants you on his belly. But you did as you were told.

"Good try, try it a bit higher." - The man chuckled at seeing you clueless. With even weirder expression, you climbed higher, now hugging his shoulders with your inner thighs. What the fuck was that for? You could feel his forearms circling your thighs, suddenly pushing you forward so aggressively that you had to put your elbows under you so you wouldn't fall on the mattress. Sure, you've been eaten out before, but it wasn't such a miracle everyone was talking about. On top of that, you were always laying on your side while the guys were usually kneeling in front of the bed.

You looked down on Joel to see him staring at you being completely wet - so much you could start dripping at any second. And suddenly, you heard him chuckling under you. Which honestly got you confused. - "What's so funny, cowboy?" - You whispered before you felt the beard kissing your right inner thigh.

"Nothin'. I'm just impressed by the view." - The man answered just seconds before his tongue and lips disappeared between your legs. At that feeling, you closed your eyes and moaned. You weren't even caring about your volume at that moment, you were just moaning louder and louder so the man would know how much you're enjoying what he's doing. It took you by a surprise when he slapped you to get you lean into his face, but you rocked against him just as he expected as he thought you'd.

"Girl, be so kind and pick yourself on your knees for me, will you?" - You didn't even realize he had stopped until the moment he spoke to you. You were just too lost in the feeling. Was it the attraction that made it all so much more enjoyable? Or maybe the fact he knew what he was doing? You didn't know, but you kneeled on top of him, watching half of the handsome face being covered by your own body. - "Now, put your hand in my hair, come on." - The man encouraged you while smoothing small circles on your thighs. Jesus, you must've looked so dumb and unskilled. With a gentle sigh, you did as you were told.

"Show me how you want it." - The man whispered, kissing your inner thighs gently. To try it out, you pulled on his hair gently, making these eyes shot directly to your face at that moment. He was listening to what you were about to show or tell, it didn't matter. Carefully, you entwined your fingers inside that maybe-a-bit-too-long hair, picking his head up to put it back where it belonged. Suddenly, when you closed your eyes because of all the nice things he was doing, you realized that he wasn't talking to you in such a matter. He didn't like to make fun of you because he knew these things and you didn't.

You had the upper hand at the moment. You were the one in charge. You deliberately chose to do this with him, again, and this was his way of paying him back without talking. And he also wanted you to learn you these things one by one, one step at a time. When that clicked inside your brain, you carefully put your other hand into his hair, massaging his scalp in the process to show him how much you were into it.

"Just don't stop, Texas." - You whispered town to him and when he hummed back as an answer, you thought you're coming for a moment there. It sent vibrations through your whole body, making you moan once again. When you, again, though things can't get any better, you felt two fingers slipping inside of you. You thought it might hurt at first, but your eyes rolled as soon as he moved them inside of you. Not like the last time when he was just making sure you're ready. Joel was taking his fucking time that night.

Watching you was the most erotic thing he had ever seen - and Joel had seen some stuff before you, alrite? Through the time, you learned that you can ride his face, which made you mutter out his name here and there, then you bent your head and let out another erotic sound. His jaws were on fucking fire... But how could he stop? That was until you tugged his hair again, making him lay down again. Only his fingers pumping in and out remained inside of you.

"Just take me already, will you be so kind?" - You asked silently, climbing off of him. He couldn't quite even climb on his elbows properly and there you were, already tugging on his t-shirt to bring closer. But you weren't going to kiss his mouth, no. Which made the man surprised. Instead of that, you hissed a small trail on his neck while your palm slipped under his t-shirt, gently scratching his back. - "Look at her, she's a natural."  - Joel chuckled light-heartedly, pinning you down finally.

It was safe to say that neither of you lasted long, but there was nothing to wonder about. Letting the things gather inside for a month? Geez, nobody would go for hours after that. When Joel was trying to catch his breath, you pulled him close, letting him rest his head on your chest while unknowingly smoothing his hair. Which was probably his most favorite thing ever - the moments of vulnerability just moments after the act itself.

You were warm and fragile, something he had to protect. At least that what his head was thinking. In reality, he knew how good you were with a fucking bow since he learned you on his own, he had seen you survive some things... You weren't a small, fragile doll. - "I'm going for a shower, okay?" - You ended the small moment by kissing his forehead, leaving the bed. - "Will it be weird to borrow something? I kinda don't wanna go for the clothes, I'm too done for that." - You mumbled, trying to at least stand up. This man was capable of having your legs behaving like jello with the orgasms he could bring. He grunted, already throwing a t-shirt on you. - "Take your time, I’ll fetch somethin' to drink and the clothes, yea?" - He told you, already leaving the room, searching for his briefs in the process.

When you were done with the shower, the bedroom was prepared for you, your clothes folded on a small pile on the table, both beers standing on the nightstand. But Joel was sitting on the edge with Ellie's guitar, playing something. He was lost in the moment until you laid behind him, snuggling under the blanket. He almost put the guitar away, but your palm stopped him. - "Play something for me, Texas. Please?"

And he did. He remained playing until he noticed you're already asleep. And for the first time in a long time, Joel wasn't feeling alone.

[madamspeaker]

It’s not a “gate” - The hair/salon thing

I’ve addressed the salon thing in a couple of asks, but I wanted to take a moment to just go through the whole thing separate of those because what this saga has highlighted is a complete failure of journalists to do their work, and the undercurrent of misogyny that perpetuates both journalistic discourse, and how women must present themselves, especially if a public figure.

(This is long, so to spare your dashboards it’s under a cut)

Let’s start with the facts. Nancy’s usual stylist wasn’t available for Monday, so she/he recommended someone else. Nancy’s office contacted him last weekend (Nancy only returned to SF some time on Friday), and asked if it was possible to do her hair. The thing to note at this moment is that the rules governing salons in California started to change from last Friday. The governor had announced limited indoor openings, but to confuse matters some localities were still imposing tighter restrictions. Nancy’s office checked with the stylist, who told them that the rules permitted one person in at a time. He then asked the salon owner who he rented a chair from if he could go into the premises and do the appointment on Monday. The owner agreed to his request on the Saturday. Fast forward to Monday afternoon - Nancy gets her hair done before doing a television interview on MSNBC, and then on Tuesday the owner cries “outrage!!!” to Fox News, bringing along with her a seconds long bit of footage that shows Nancy with her mask around her neck. Naturally the whole thing explodes on Twitter and then across other media (several versions of the story made the top ten shared links on Facebook).

What followed was a failure of journalism to ask follow up questions about the clearly odd parts of the salon owner’s account as relayed by Fox News (a red flag in of itself). In her interview with Fox she admitted she had known about the appointment in advance, but no one thought to ask why she let the appointment go ahead if it so offended and outraged her - she did own the place afterall, it’s not like Nancy had keys or barged in. Likewise, no one thought to ask where the rest of the salon footage was. Why only release seconds worth which rather conveniently showed Nancy with her mask down, and partially hidden under her chin? Could it be that she had worn the mask the rest of the time. No one in the media thought to ask this. It seemed fairly clear to most sensible people on Tuesday night that something with off with the salon owner’s tale of outrage, but the media pretty much took the Fox News version of events at verbatim. Only USA Today raised the points I just did, but alas, they buried them in their write up.

Wednesday saw Nancy fight back, acknowledging that she took responsibilty for trusting the salon (when perhaps she should have had someone else verify what they had been told), but ask yourselves this, would you have verified it elsewhere? She had been to this salon before with a stylist, they were local, she trusted them, and in a situation in which the law was changing, it makes perfect and reasonable sense to ask the professionals in that industry what their status is. On this point there have been plenty of indignant people and bots on Twitter up in arms that Nancy didn’t apparently know the regulations in SF, but a) she didn’t make those regulations (as some seem to think), b) she spends just as much if not more time in D.C., and c) she has about 100 other things on her plate in any given hour, that salon regulations in SF are probably somewhere near 120 on her list after deal with Covid-19, Trump, win the election, save the USPS, try to get a stimulus bill, deal with the federal budget which will need a CR to prevent a shutdown (minutes after I hit publish on this it was announced she had reached a deal with Mnuchin to avoid a shutdown), restore in-person inteligence briefings, file an appeal in the McGahn case (again), Bill sodding Barr,, Russian bounties on US soldiers and so on. She has an insanely stressful job at the moment, her staff too, and it seems more than reasonable for staff/her to ask a professional in the industry about the regulations on salons, when such regulations were pretty confusing to most people last weekend anyway. Nancy’s only apparent “crime” in this instance was to trust the word of the industry pro.

Then of course we have the “she’s not wearing a mask” portion of this debacle. Not one journalist has asked where the rest of the footage is. We see Nancy walk from the bowl to another room, wet hair, phone in hand, and the mask around her neck (slightly hidden by her chin), but we never got the footage of her walking to the bowl, or any other footage from what was definitely more than a 4 second long appointment. Could it possibly be that she had indeed been wearing a mask the rest of the time - that she wasn’t just wearing it around her neck as some sort of foulard meets choker fashion statement. People have asked, “Why did she pull it down?”, and to that I will say, probably any one of three or four reasons. She uses a clip at the back of her neck to secure her masks rather than the ear loops. Maybe it was in the way and the stylist asked her to pull it down. Maybe she had trouble breathing with her face covered and head back. Maybe she didn’t want to get it wet. The point here is that it was around her neck, suggesting that she had been compliant until that fateful video captured moment. The media again though have run with the Fox News narrative that she had no mask. For one, it’s actually visible in the footage, and two, they are blatantly disregarding what they themselves know to be true - that Nancy has been wearing a mask for the last five months. We have the footage and photographs to prove it, not to mention the press also know that she takes down her mask to talk at her pressers etc. The press are playing stupid on this point to satisfy some both sides need in an election that so far has Joe Biden with a good lead. Their wilful obtusity is purely to inject some drama into things on the Dem side for clicks because nothing at present is sticking to Biden. All this leads to me to the misogyny.

I caught part of a radio interview yesterday in which two male hosts had to have it explained to them as to why a woman in the public eye might need a hair stylist more than once a week. One of the men had been perplexed as to why if Nancy needed her hair done she hadn’t just got it taken care of in D.C. were salons are open. It never entered his brain that no amount of hair spray is going to keep a hairstyle in place for at least 3 days (when Nancy was last in D.C.), or that she might need to lie down to sleep, or that hair does actually need washed. Likewise, it never occured to either of them that Nancy turning up to an television interview with anything other than styled hair would be a news story in itself, because here’s the rub, women are damned for makeup and hairstyling and thought vain and shallow, and they’re damned if they don’t put makeup on and get their hair done, especially for television (we all remember the “omg” reactions when Hillary turned up to an event days after the election in 2016 with a bare face). The last couple of days have been full of this crap, with men (looking at you Don Lemon and the SF Chronicle editorial board) especially saying Nancy should apologise for the salon episode. Why should she? She did what any reasonable person would do and asked about the rules. Her error was to take the salon at their word, but by today’s logic the salon’s lie is Nancy’s fault. I have seen more than one man on Twitter admit the facts of the case and still say “she should take the hit”. Would they say this of a man who had been lied to, framed, and the footage sold to a hostile media company? I think not.

And then of course there is the salon owner herself. The stylist released a statement last night backing Nancy’s side of events up. He also revealed that the owner, so “outraged” by Nancy’s appointment, had in fact been opening up illegally since April, had been forgoing masks, and been forcing stylists to work. What also emerged is that the owner had let her licence lapse on the premises back in May (so Nancy had not ended her business as she claimed), and was in the middle of relocating to Fresno -- something the press have gilbly ignored as they report how she has been hounded out of town because of Nancy, and forced to move. Let me say this, not even the IRA at the peak of The Troubles could get people to move that quick, and they had guns. And then there’s the gofundme - which popped up less than 24hrs after she handed the tape to Fox. Naturally the blurb is a sorry tale of woe, of a supposedly single mother forced to move because of the evil Speaker of the House. No mention that she owns three salons, that she’d let the licence lapse on one anyway, is opening one in Fresno, loves her guns (and those ain’t cheap) and took a PPP loan of $12,000 wihilst operating illegally. By the way, at the time of writing this, the gofundme has raised over $80k for her -- which shows you how Trumpers will buy into any bullshit, and how Nancy is a fundraising powerhouse regardless of your party affliation lol.

I appreciate this has been a rather long read, and if you made it this far, thanks! Nancy didn’t do anything wrong other than take the word of a salon in good faith. Should she have known the regulations herself? Maybe, but she has the kind of crazy and stressful life most of us can’t even begin to imagine, and unlike the Presidency, the Office of Speaker doesn’t come with personal maid services thrown in, or a whole West Wing of staff. End of the day, once out of that office, Nancy has to do all that normal life stuff that the rest of us do - shop, go to the post office, buy clothes etc., and now in the Covid era get ready for tv interviews herself rather than a studio stylist do it. Her mistake was to trust someone who has it turns out saw a chance to have a moment of fame, stick one to the woman she ignorantly blamed for the lockdown, and make some money from gullible Trumpers. I don’t know how this story will play out in the coming days. Ice cream lasted a week, spurred on by the far-left and then the far-right. This may have more staying power as Trump desperately seeks some kind of mud to stick to Dems, and with nothing sticking to Biden at present, his 2016 playbook (and the even older GOP one) of blame a woman (in this case Nancy) has been deployed. The problem of course is that Trump isn’t running against Nancy -- but as the press have so depressingly showed, that fact hasn’t stopped them from elevating one trip to a salon above 180k+ dead, Melania using a prvate email server (!!!, I mean come the fuck onnnnnnn, this after 2016!!!?!?!?), or Trump telling people to committ a felony and vote twice.

[mikauzoran]

Love Square: Four-Fold Blessings: Chapter Four: Adrienette: Lips

On AO3: Four-Fold Blessings: Chapter Four: Adrienette: Lips

“I’m not trying to sneak up on you,” Adrien announced as Marinette shut her locker door, causing Marinette to unintentionally slam the door and yelp.

Adrien grimaced. ���But, apparently, I’m just that good, I don’t even have to try.”

“One of these days, you’re going to give me a heart attack,” Marinette sighed, slumping back against her locker.

“But, for now, I’m just helping you sneak in an extra bit of cardio,” he countered with a saccharine smile. “Not that you need it.” He threw in a wink for good measure.

She rolled her eyes even as she spared him an indulgent smile. “Flirt.”

“Only with you,” he promised.

“So, what’s up?” Marinette chuckled, tucking an errant bang back behind her ear. “Did you just scare me half to death because you wanted to say hi, or did you need something?”

“Actually, are you available for an hour or two? I need your help with something,” he lied, mentally crossing his fingers.

“Today is your lucky day,” she informed him. “I did have plans with Alya, but she unexpectedly dropped me at the last minute without a good explanation, so I’m not only free but also considering shopping for a new best friend, if you want to apply.”

Adrien wrote himself a mental reminder to make it up to Alya at some point.

“I am supposed to meet up with another friend later,” Marinette added, “so I can’t be out too late, but I don’t think he’ll be dropping by my place until this evening, so I should be okay to help out for an hour or two.”

“Perfect,” Adrien agreed, figuring she meant the other him and that her calendar would clear up once she found out he and Chat Noir were one and the same. “I guess the only question is: What are you looking for in a best friend?”

She pursed her lips in thought for a moment. “Hm. Unconditional emotional support, someone to explain to me how I’m being illogical when I freak out, and someone who I can talk about boys with.”

“I think I’m qualified for the job,” Adrien reported with a proud grin. “Sign me up.”

Marinette quirked an eyebrow at him, putting a damper on his smile.

“What? You don’t think I can do it?” He jutted his bottom lip out into a pout.

“I’m just having a hard time imagining you talking about boys,” she admitted.

“I am perfectly capable of discussing how dreamy Luka’s smile is or how hot Chat Noir’s butt looks in leather, thank you very much,” he huffed indignantly.

Marinette’s eyes momentarily went wide, but she quickly got a handle on her surprise. “Apologies. It seems I underestimated you. You can be my best friend until I inevitably forgive Alya for flaking on me.”

“Deal,” Adrien replied with a resolute nod. “So…shall we?”

“Let’s,” she agreed, slipping her arm through his. “Lead the way.”

 A quick drive found them at Le Grand Paris on their way up to one of the suites occupying the top floors of the hotel.

“What exactly did you need help with here?” Marinette wonder as Adrien used the keycard to swipe them in.

Adrien paused with his hand on the door handle. “I don’t, actually,” he admitted. “That was just an excuse. The truth is that I have a surprise for you.”

She blinked, trying to process Adrien-hotel room-surprise.

He intercepted her line of thought and headed her off before she could go there. “Please disregard the fact that I’ve brought you to a hotel and that there’s a bed behind this door and everything that that could possibly implicate,” he rushed to assure her. “It’s nothing like that. Chloé’s just doing me a favour letting me use the space. All this is is a private venue that I didn’t have to use my credit card—which my father tracks—to reserve.”

Marinette considered him for a moment, trying to fight down the urge to panic because she was pretty sure that Adrien Agreste was about to ask her out using an elaborate romantic gesture, and she wasn’t sure what she was going to say because just yesterday she had told Chat Noir that she wasn’t sure where she stood and what she wanted.

“What exactly is this surprise?” she tried to hold it together as she asked, tried to tell herself that maybe she was jumping the gun.

He pushed the door open and bowed dramatically, motioning for her to go first.

She stepped past him and gasped at the suite covered in rose petals, lit by the hazy glow of fairy lights. Soft instrumental music was playing in the background. A picnic was spread out on a blanket on the floor, and by the massive TV were four different kinds of video game consoles and a stack of assorted racing, fighting, and multiplayer games.

“I hope this is okay,” Adrien chuckled nervously as he closed the door behind them. “This is kind of my dream scenario as far as romantic settings go. With the rose petals and the picnic and the soft lighting. There’s even a balcony we could stargaze from. I know it’s the middle of winter, but we could wrap up in blankets, and…”

He stopped talking and gulped, both scared to continue and anxious to get it over with. “…I know this is similar to the surprise you saw two years ago that I prepared for Ladybug, but I want you to know it’s not just a recycled idea. I did change things up with you specifically in mind, so…I hope that’s okay.”

Marinette sucked in a sharp breath, feeling like her lungs had forgotten how to use air.

Her knees felt like they were about to buckle, but she kept ahold of herself enough to whisper a shaky, “Chat Noir?”

Adrien’s heart leapt at the same time that the bottom dropped out of his stomach. “Hi, Princess.”

She whipped around, launching herself at him, pulling him to her and squeezing him tight as she cried. “It’s you.”

“It’s me,” he confirmed, returning her crushing hug. “I take it from your reaction that this is a good thing?”

She pulled back only to surge forward into a kiss, crushing her mouth to his eager lips.

When she broke away, she shook her head, unable to control her wide, dopey grin. “You have no idea how happy I am. I was dreading choosing between you. I didn’t know how I was going to do it. Either way, I would have had regrets.”

“Well, now you don’t have to choose,” he hummed happily, practically delirious from her kiss. “Though, I’m really glad that you would have had such a hard time picking. I’m glad that you fell in love with both sides of me. Sorry to put you through that, though.” He grimaced. “It seemed like a lot to dump on you yesterday, so I waited until today to do the reveal. You know. In case you reacted badly or something. I didn’t want to leave you to finish the rest of the gingerbread ninja order by yourself.”

She laughed breathily. “Oh, you don’t know the half of what you’ve put me through this weekend.”

He arched an eyebrow. “Oh? Enlighten me.”

She took a deep breath. “Friday night, when you told me you were in love with someone, I was heartsick over losing you.”

Adrien’s brow furrowed as he played back his Friday, trying to remember when he’d told Marinette he was in love with someone.

“Then,” she continued, “after I’d accepted that you’d never be mine, Saturday night you told me that you were thinking about asking me out, and I was so, so happy Adrien.”

Adrien’s frown grew deeper in his attempt to call up memories of talking to Marinette on Saturday.

“Then,” she snorted, “yesterday, you tell me that I’m the one you’re in love with, and I have a meltdown about choosing between you, but today you’re the same person, and I’m the same person, and everything is going to be all right.”

Adrien’s eyes went wide as his breath caught in his throat. “When…did I tell you that I was going to ask you out?” he asked, voice quavering.

He thought he knew the answer, but he was scared to hope. Historically, his luck had never been that good.

She smiled warmly. “When I fell into your garden like the klutz that I am,” she whispered.

He gasped. “My Lady.”

“Chaton,” she started to chuckle, but Adrien swallowed the ending, pulling her lips back to his.

It was a sloppy, unskillful kiss flavored with bouts of laughter and the salt of their tears as they released a wide range of emotions.

When they finally calmed down and slowed to a stop several minutes later, Adrien was the one to break the silence.

“Just to be clear, this means that you will go out with me, right?”

Marinette burst out laughing, holding onto his shoulders to keep from toppling over.

Adrien winced. “Princess, I actually need a yes or no response here.”

“Yes!” she giggled. “I’m sorry, Adrien. Yes, yes, yes.”

“Okay, good,” he breathed in relief, his body relaxing. “In that case, did you want to get some snacks first, or would you rather skip straight to kicking my butt at video games? I was thinking we could save the stargazing until a little later.”

“Snacks and then video games sound wonderful, Chaton,” she hummed happily, melting into her boyfriend, her partner.

The

      End

[inmytaste-blog]

Señorita

Word Count: 3.2k

Warnings: A very encouraging Shawn and a self-confidence under construction

A/N: Another fullfilled request which made it into my askbox just today! I didn’t want to delay it and fall behind since Shawn released his new song just yesterday. This was very pleasing to write and I really liked the way it turned out. I hope I made that anon’s request justice and I truly hope it lived up to their expectations! Once again, feedback is very much appreciated and I would like to hear your thoughts on this piece! Till next time, happy reading!

__________________________________________________________

‘’Are you serious? A new song along with a new music video? Shawny you are treating your fandom so well lately, I’m impressed’’ you said, placing your arms around his neck and giving him a slight peck on his cheek, pleased with the news.

‘’Aye, does my fandom include you as well?’’ he said lowering his much larger figure in order to capture your lips in a proper kiss.

‘’I don’t think I want to disappoint you now that you have a lot on your plate babe’’ you jokingly stated and freed yourself from his tight grip, heading towards the kitchen.

‘’I think this answer pained me more… Nevertheless, I know you are the craziest fan there is no matter what you say’’.

Hearing Shawn’s words, you realized that he was more than right. You were indeed his number one fan and you always fangirled hard when something new was on its way concerning his career. So when Shawn announced to you that he would be working on a new song, you were on cloud nine. Someone would say that you were more thrilled when Shawn had a new project to deliver than himself and they wouldn’t be exaggerating. You knew something was coming up due to endless phone conversations and meetings between Shawn and Andrew so when the bomb exploded you exploded too.

‘’Whatever you say Mendes’’ you slyly replied and plopped down on your couch.

‘’So tell me more about this song. What is the concept behind it? Will you be singing alone or will it be a duet? When will you start shooting and rehearsing? Why are you so secretive?’’

‘’First of all, you are bombarding me with questions love. How can I answer all at once? Secondly, I can’t reveal anything else yet. Telling you was risky as it is so you will get no more information for today. Sorry.’’ Shawn explained and your face fell.

You weren’t really urging him to tell you everything because you knew that this industry works with a little bit of secrecy as well but you couldn’t deny the fact that you were disappointed that you wouldn’t be getting any more insights and details concerning his newest work. At this point, you wished he hadn’t shared anything related to this new song whatsoever because now you wanted to know everything there was to know.

‘’Fair enough. Guess who’s not getting any love from me today’’ you half-jokingly said and moved further away from Shawn to the other end of the couch.

‘’C’mon Y/N don’t be such a baby. Everything will be announced to you when it is the right time for it to be’’ Shawn argued and proceeded to hug you.

You slightly pushed him off but eventually gave in to his touch because deep down, you knew he was right. It wasn’t his fault that he couldn’t go into more depth about his work and it surely wasn’t fair for you to know everything beforehand while all his other fans around the world were kept in the dark. Besides, what’s the fun in knowing everything and having no suspense in your life?

That was something Shawn really adored and appreciated on you. It always made him feel safe and relaxed and it surely helped him more when he was ready to perform, shoot or record a new piece. His job was already pressuring enough and sometimes it got to the point that he would even call it suffocating. Having someone who was genuinely understanding and encouraging was a true bargain for him since he really wanted to leave his work back in the studio and be met with relaxation and relief when he got home.

And you offered him just that. You knew what you were signing up for when you agreed to date Shawn so you promised more to yourself to be the best version of you just for his own sake. You were more interested in his well-being than anything else especially when you found out all the story concerning his battles with anxiety in the past. You truly believed he was a person that deserved all the best in the world and you were more than honoured when Shawn chose you to be his companion; his rock who would give him all the best.

There were of course times when you would cross the line and you would be pleading for him to share something more when he was preparing something new but you knew when to stop. Shawn knew as well that you were firstly a fan and secondly a girlfriend when it came to his music and he was really thankful to have someone so supportive and so caring. But when he declared that he was in no position to share anything else, it was your signal to accept it and stop questioning further.

‘’Okay okay. I understand. But tell me at least this; will you be singing on your own or with other people as well?’’ you asked, aiming your puppy eyes at him, a feature you knew very well he couldn’t resist.

‘’Ugh, you are playing dirty Y/N, giving me this look which gets me everytime’’

‘’Please?’’ you pressed a little more.

‘’Okay, it will be a duet but this is all I have for you. Now, what movie does my number one fan want to watch with her superstar?’’

Truth was Shawn wanted nothing more than to stop playing games and just confess to you everything he knew so far about his new music video and song. It physically ached him to withdraw information from you, especially when you were being nothing but patient and enthusiastic with his hectic lifestyle. The only thing which was keeping him behind was the fact that he had arranged to sing and shoot with you. You were nothing close to famous or artistic, besides the very well-organised blog you were maintaining dedicated to your talented boyfriend, but other than that you had no contracts or business with the music industry.

However, Shawn wasn’t on the same page with you on this matter. He had heard you singing when you had first started dating and he was mesmerized by your voice. It combined a sweetness and a raspier metal which had driven him insane. He still remembered that moment up to this day and he never hesitated to ask you to join him when he was singing in his studio, even if it was for fun. The most outstanding thing of all was a file in your computer which consisted of some covers you had attempted when you first discovered Shawn’s music. Shawn really wanted to listen to them but you only agreed when you were official and you trusted him completely.

When his ears were met with the sound of your melodic voice, he felt like someone had casted a spell on him. The words of In My Blood acquired a completely new, a more profound meaning when they left your lips and they were interlaced with your unique sounds. He couldn’t help himself but transfer all the covers you had saved in that file to his phone without any second thoughts.

From that time on, he always made sure to raise the levels of confidence you had about your singing skills which to be frank, were the lowest they could be. It really puzzled and it even saddened him to know that his girl was so talented but she couldn’t appreciate her skills more. So the least he could do was ask you to sing or at least hum something when he was falling asleep or to accompany you in your private shower concerts. He was a sucker for your singing and you still laughed about it when he would praise you. But this never stopped him from getting the most he could of your beautiful voice.

Now Shawn tried to take things up a notch. He hated to know that your talent was not getting the recognition and the appreciation it deserved so when Andrew came up to him with a new suggestion for a song and a music video, Shawn realised this was the opportunity he was seeking.

‘’So, I was thinking that after the success of If I Can’t Have You, the fire’s still at your feet and another release will really keep the fans at the edge of their seats. What do you say?’’

‘’Y-Yes yes. Are you serious? Now that my tour is on, I have inexhaustible energy. Tell me all about it’’. Shawn wanted nothing more than to keep his portfolio full and this new song was the perfect chance for him to introduce you to the world of professional singing.

‘’Okay. My first thoughts have to do with the artists you will be singing with. I’m really rooting for a duet but if you want to include more artists, it’s up to you mate. What are your thoughts so far?’’ Andrew proceeded with the details and Shawn was more than ready to spill your name.

‘’Okay. I don’t know if you will see eye to eye with me about this and I can already tell you will be taken aback but my suggestion is Y/N’’. There was no turning back now. The only thing he could do was pray that Andrew would agree for you to do a duet with Shawn.

‘’Y/N? As in your girlfriend Y/N? Shawn are you sure? I mean I have no evidence that she can sing. Plus we don’t have much time to call her in and arrange a sound check with her’’

‘’I don’t think that will be necessary’’ said Shawn and he was quick enough to pull his phone out and let the room be filled with your version of Lost In Japan.

‘’You are a smooth motherfucker. I am waiting both of you next time for the rehearsal’’.

Shawn hadn’t really filled you in on what was going on so when he told you that you would be going with him to the studio you were a bit bewildered.

‘’And why do I have to come as well? Can’t you see that I am all comfortable watching Friends?’’ you matter-of-factly stated and Shawn dragged you from the couch.

‘’It is a surprise. Now get your bum up and go get ready. We are leaving in five’’.

‘’Okay okay sir’. But you’re buying me ice cream later’’ you pointed your finger at him and he chuckled.

‘’I sure am’’.

Shawn felt a little bit guilty that he hadn’t been completely honest to you about his duet but he knew that if he had spilled the beans and asked about your consent, you would be negative. Heck, he didn’t even have a clue what your reaction was going to be now but he decided to take his chances and risk it. He really needed to get you out of your cocoon and show you what you were really capable of, something you always kept your eyes closed to.

‘’Hello Andrew. It’s been a while. How are you?’’ you inquired when you reached the correct floor and Andrew hugged both you and Shawn.

‘’Shawn’s been a pain in the ass but I manage. How are you feeling sweetheart? Are you ready for your first?’’

‘’Um excuse me? What first?’’ you turned your glance at Shawn who was picking at his nails and was looking nervously at Andrew.

‘’Shawn dude, didn’t you tell her anything?’’

‘’I wanted it to be a surprise! Don’t blame me!’’ Shawn put his hands up and looked at you.

‘’Anyone care to explain?’’ you hated being excluded from what was happening so you were growing more aggravated by the minute.

‘’Y/N, dear, Shawn has brought you here to work on his new song called Señorita. You will be his duet for this song and for the video of course’’ Andrew explained and your jaws were on the floor. Shawn very well knew you were in no place to share your singing with the whole world and he still went and got you into this.

‘’Shawn what is he saying? What did you do?’’ you turned your attention to him and he cupped your face.

‘’I know you are going to pull the ‘’I can’t be exposed to basically the whole planet and my singing is not even that good’’ card but please hear me out. When I first listened to your voice I was amazed. You remember my first reaction. I instantly felt like an apprentice in singing in front of you. During those two years we’ve been together, I am more than pleased to see that I am the reason for the growth of your confidence when it comes to singing. Y/n please consider singing with me. Your talent deserves to be exposed and applauded’’ Shawn concluded and your vision had gotten blurry because of his speech.

‘’But-but how does Andrew know that I can sing? How does he know that this isn’t gonna be a flop?’’

‘’Um I know believe me’’ Andrew chimed in and just on cue, Shawn wiggled his phone between his fingers.

‘’You shady bastard’’ you smacked Shawn’s arm and he playfully acted as if he was hurt.

‘’So, what do you say baby? Will you be my Señorita in this song?’’

You still felt a little bit out of place and your guts were telling you that you would surely mess this up but the look Shawn was giving you and the feeling that he would be right beside you the whole time, boosted your courage and your confidence. Not really trusting your words at this point, you gave Shawn a shy nod and you swore that his eyes were like small stars radiating their glow.

‘’Is that a yes? Y/N baby you will not regret this I promise you’’ Shawn hugged you and lifted you up in the air before giving you a reassuring smile.

‘’Thank God. I don’t think I would be able to get someone else if she turned this down’’ Andrew remarked and you both fell in a fit of laughter.

‘’Okay. Get your sheets with the lyrics, get in there and blow me away’’.

Getting into the recording space, you felt your palms getting damp and your head slightly dizzy. Shawn must have felt your uneasiness and he placed the microphones opposite of one another, so that the only thing in front of you was Shawn and no one else. This little gesture put your nerves at bay and with a final confirmation, Shawn signaled for Andrew to start recording.

Throughout the song, your eyes were focused on the piece of paper which contained the words that came out of your mouths. You didn’t dare take a glimpse of Andrew, fearing that if you saw his disappointment you would collapse and this whole procedure would be wasted. Surely, this was the last thing you wanted, the first one being to please Shawn and not to embarrass him. He trusted you enough to get Andrew to agree and have you here singing so you just couldn’t betray his trust.

Reaching the main chorus, your eyes travelled to Shawn who was giving his all during the song and it dawned on you that it was the first time in a while that you were seeing him recording a song. Only this time, you were a part of it too. Shawn’s eyes fell on yours and the smile he gave you was enough to let you know that you were doing a pretty decent job for a first time. You knew that the song was going to be a bop nonetheless and being with Shawn in the act, really made you understand why all of his songs always made it at the top of the charts.

‘’ I love it when you call me Señorita

I wish I could pretend I didn’t need ya

But every touch is ooh la la la

It’s true la la la

Ooh I should be running

Ooh you know I love it

When you call me Señorita

I wish it wasn’t so damn hard to leave ya

Ooh I should be running

Ooh you keep me coming for ya’’

Shawn really adored the way the song was turning out. When he had first scanned the lyrics, the only person he could picture himself singing it with was you. The thing that he felt most freaked out about was that you both had first started seeing each other as friends before this fling between you two had developed. So, at least for Shawn, this song was once again speaking to him on another level. He felt really connected with it and now that he was singing with you, it made him feel even more connected to you as well. It would be a thing that would always remind you of what you are capable of when you are together and how the one makes the other discover something fresh for themselves.

Andrew was dumbfounded when you both started singing together and he was positive this was going to be another success for Shawn. He felt really relieved that you had decided to give this a go since the music industry was a department that was always in need of fresh blood and upcoming artists who had a flash of talent. Besides, the chemistry you had with Shawn was authentic and rare so the need to construct something similar with someone else was totally unnecessary.

‘’All along I’ve been coming for ya

And I hope it meant something to ya

Call my name I’ll be coming for ya

Coming for ya, coming for ya, coming for ya

For ya

(Ooh she loves it when I come)

For ya

Ooh I should be running

Ooh you keep me coming

For ya"

The song came to an end and if it wasn’t for the air conditioning unit in the small room, you would be a sweating mess. The look you exchanged with Shawn while the last words of the song were being spoken, really showed you how much Shawn loved you and that he truly believed you deserved to be loved by other people for your immense talented soul.

‘’And it’s a wrap. Guys…’’ Andrew started and you closed your eyes, not really wanting to be confronted or let down by his next words.

‘’You were fucking bomb. This is gonna be the song of the century. Well done. And Shawn, thanks for persuading our little star here to work with us’’ he said giving you a high-five.

Hearing Andrew’s words lifted all the weight off of your shoulders and you felt ten times lighter. Never in your wildest dreams had you imagined working with Shawn in a professional and official manner but here you were, blowing both of the boys away with your singing.

‘’Wow. That was-‘’ you didn’t let Shawn finish his sentence and you connected his lips with your very own in a passionate kiss.

‘’Thank you. For this amazing experience and for believing in me when I just didn’t’’ you truthfully said to him and his arms tightened around your shorter frame.

‘’I thank you for bringing out the rest of the passion I have for this job. You see, singing with you makes me feel things. And now that it happened for a much larger audience, it made me the happiest man alive’’.

Just before you could say or do anything else Andrew’s voice echoed through the walls, making you both jump.

‘’Don’t rest on your laurels kiddos. We still have a music video to shoot!’’

[rinrenrina]

Protests and social movements: local news media and you.

This Patriot Act video by Hasan Minhaj is about how important local news is to covering what affects us, especially in light of BLM and antifa protests. Local news media are compiling lists of Black-owned businesses, protest groups that need support, community resources, and documenting/recording perspectives and events. It's also local news media that are breaking stories of national importance like Epstein.

First, a timely article about the Seattle autonomous zone/CHAZ that’s an exact example of what’s going on in the video: local Seattle Times journalists did original reporting [link] and fact-checked some claims (yes, it’s peaceful; no, crimes are not happening; no, local businesses are not being extorted and in fact are doing well; yes, the mayor and governor told Trump to shut up) along with USA Today, which picked up ST’s reporting and added more information [link]. And here’s more original local reporting about armed right-wing groups being dangerous and obnoxious because they boogeyman antifa: [link]. Industry callouts on Fox News for creating and publishing doctored images of CHAZ, which is as ridiculous as it sounds [link].

Ridiculous.

To the point, the video had me thinking about the widespread "Why isn't the media talking about this" or "What the media won't show" messaging that's in nearly every high-note protest/BLM Twitter thread or Tumblr post I’ve seen that are not only often false (Yes, local and national news organizations are reporting that protesters are peaceful [link], cops are abusive+lying to everyone about the content of their body cams [link], and communities are creating resource and hydration centers [link]. No, news media will not ignore you if you keep protesting - the video in this post [link] is from NBC.), but show how much of an information bubble some people live in.

Remember, these are your news orgs, not a government's news orgs. Everyday people are the voices in an article, especially in local and community news.

The same popular posts I see about not trusting Democrats/Biden/liberalism and incrementalism are voiced by several knowledgeable activists in this article, New generation of activists, deeply skeptical of Democratic Party, resists calls to channel energy into the 2020 campaign [WP link | non-paywall MSN link] by Cleve Wootson Jr. [link].

Some pull quotes (but you should check out the article):

“Some people are like I’m . . . done accepting what the Democratic Party has offered us. It’s not getting better,” said Keene, 37. “This current moment is a reflection of the United States’ inability to meet any of the demands black people have put forward. I wish they would stop holding black people responsible for the failures of the Democratic Party. Why aren’t y’all responsible for not giving us a candidate worth voting for?”

Malcolm X warned people that neither Democrats nor Republicans had adequate plans to help black Americans in his “Ballot or the Bullet” speech. And Martin Luther King Jr. called on his followers to not accept political stalling.

“It’s always come down to the question of time,” Delmont said. “Dr. King had so many great sermons or speeches about time and how that group of activists just could not wait. People feel the same way today. You can’t wait for Biden to get elected. You can’t wait four years. We can’t wait on politicians if we want to see these things change.”

These are the same ideas that have floated through the blogosphere, especially here on Tumblr.

That isn't to be an idealist though. There's a lot to complain about in US journalism. At the top editor positions, it's highly staffed by white people, men, cishets, and those with privileged backgrounds. All journalists use news judgement (PBS has information on what news judgement is here: [link]), which in front page design aims to showcase what’s important to know in terms of impact, but deciding "what's important/what will people read" when the decision-making team is homogeneous and privileged leaves valuable voices unheard, entire life experiences unaddressed, and harms marginalized groups.

This is something recognized among journalists: The Inquirer's POC staff had a sick-out and open letter about a now-fired top editor's news article that insensitively riffed on BLM [link], NYT staff and union came out against the now-demoted opinion editor’s publishing of an opinion piece by the Arkansas governor that called for violence against protesters [link], Post-Gazette was publicly criticized by staff, union, and the public when management barred a Black journalist from reporting on protests because she joked about anti-protester hypocrisy [link].

There's a lot of criticism to be had about US journalism, but the "Why isn't the media talking about this" or "What the media won't show" messaging I'm seeing on Tumblr and Twitter is inaccurate because the very things people are saying are not being reported actually are being reported. It's coming from a place of not having the methods to access this information - maybe it’s not visiting non-social media sites to receive the news that affect and reflect you, not understanding that articles of quality take time, not knowing that you can reach out to news orgs and tell them what the news is, and/or not knowing how overwhelmed/source competitive news organizations are.

A read more to not dash stretch. Under the read more is information on how to escape the “Why isn’t the media reporting”/”Why am I only just hearing” information bubble (visit a news site), why the news takes days to be good (imagine writing an original research essay), and tips on avoiding paywalls and on basic journalism.

Receiving the news that affect and reflect you

There's a significant difference between the news you will see on a social media feed (even if you do follow news orgs) and the news you will see by going to any news website. I can write more about it later, but the tl;dr is that the news you see on a social media feed is decided entirely by algorithms, money, and community bubbles, which isn't evil, but causes other important news to be buried on your feeds. Social media are great for fast news and no longer letting only a select few people, who cannot reflect the need-to-knows of everyone, decide what's important. And to better avoid the information bubble, you can combine your social media feeds with news websites so that you can better avoid the "Why am I only just hearing about this" phenomenon and see that yes, the thing you said was never reported on, probably was reported. Yes, the front page curation won’t reflect the need-to-knows or even nice-to-knows of everyone, but the information available is still valuable and impactful - I saw the article on armed right-wingers holding an anti-antifa block party by visiting Seattle Times, Wootson’s article from MSN, the article on cops lying on documents about their body cam recordings from CNN’s front page. By visiting news websites, you may find information and topics that never landed on your feed - which you can now introduce to and improve your social circles with.

Articles of quality take time, aka "People wanted the news five minutes ago"

There's a few tweet threads where someone is shooting video of a currently developing situation, with a caption akin to "Why isn't the media talking about this" ...even though this is something that is currently happening, so of course no one has sat down and made the article or video segment. Especially if they’re waiting on comment from city officials. Tweets are a fast, immediate information delivery method and this is where protesters have an advantage. If you had checked YouTube's front page from the US the past weeks, you may have noticed that the news video article/news livestream section took about two days from the start of the protests to say that the protesters are peaceful and that it's the police that are violent. It's extremely slow compared to a protester's tweet. If you combine the speediness of a protester's tweet with the context/backstory/statement from officials in a news article, your knowledge of what's happening is more thorough. The news article takes time to come out and be worth reading, though.

(Related to the topic of speed and quality is the Mueller Report. It's 450 pages, yet news orgs were writing about it on day one. It was all junk because they were reading from the Trump CliffsNotes in the rush to meet the people-want-to-know-yesterday/first scoop demands so the articles worth any time only started coming out a week after the Report's release. News orgs admitted to their initial reporting being garbage and being led on, but by then readers who don't look at news websites had moved on. The same goes for any protest or breaking news coverage: it's usually junk for the first few days. Sometimes subverted by local news orgs due to their proximity to the events.)

Reach out to news orgs

There's important ground information coming from protesters and observers - first-hand experience with police brutality, police militarization, and just how tired Black Americans are of having to protest for their lives. Among this info are communities' food and hydration resources, example here [link].

"What the media won't show." "These stories need to be told."

Two things that go well together by remembering to tell your local news organizations. And if they show up (you might get the reporting from a desk treatment: adapting a press release (which btw, nonprofits and non-organized groups can write and submit too) to an article), you have their ear: tell them your message. Something every journalist has heard? "Your article is only as good as its sources." You can be the reason that article and news org are good.

The above mostly applies for when you don't want to be a press worker. But another angle is to be your own community's source of news and watchdog. You have access to the exact same information a news organization is privy to (FOIA and PRA), the same protective laws (shield laws, the First Amendment guarantees the right for journalists to work), and being a writer is free to learn and easy to do especially in the time of free blogging and content hosting. As this NPR post [link] put it:

I think I can say that I have some professional credibility as a journalist. I have a master’s degree from a major university, a national Emmy award, work in all forms of media, and am in charge of journalism at Wayne State University in Detroit.

Yet legally, I have the same standing as a journalist as a high school dropout who writes a blog in his grandmother’s basement, and that is exactly the way it is supposed to be.

And if you do start your own community news source, forward the articles you publish to the wider-area news orgs above you. Tying it back to the video: this is how the news works - local news media are important to national discourse.

Here’s some other things that can hopefully be helpful to understanding the essential field that is journalism:

- If you're being paywalled by a local or national newspaper or by a magazine you want to read, check if your library (or a friend who will let you use their library card) already pays for online access either through a website or through an app like Flipster. Or, search the title of the article and see if an another site (such as MSN) offers it free. - Tips: You only need to read the first two-three paragraphs of a news article, but it helps to read the rest. How and when to be an anonymous or on-background source: when you have information no one else has and/or you would face retaliation for speaking. More here: [link]. What differentiates an opinion from an editorial: editorials are the opinion of the editorial board, opinions are written by columnists, officials, and readers. Figure out what type of article you like better: inverted pyramid favors quick reporting (minutes to hours) and fewer facts, feature style favors long-term reporting (weeks to months) and more research, details, and human-focused anecdotes/testimony.

To nitpick the video: local and national broadcast news has more than what’s on TV, they also have a robust web article and web video article presence. For example, NBC’s article about BLM NY members’ and other activist groups in NY’s social justice and policy goals (and an app that creates digital models of Black and brown heroes of history to educate!). [NBC link | MSN link]

[therainroguefanfiction]

⚘ Ol’ Switcharoo (Hajime Iwaizumi)

Genre: Slice of Life, Friendship, Fluff, Mystery

Word Count: 4,501

Pairing: Reader x Iwaizumi

World: Haikyuu

Prompt(s): A makes a potion but trips, spilling it all over B. / “I’m not cold in the least.” / Nerd-Jock AU

Author’s Note: This was written for the weekly-prompt (08/06/20) over on @hqbookclub​ ‘s discord server – you should check it out if you haven’t

━━━━━━༻⚘༺━━━━━━

You looked at the white tabletop, eyes scanning each ingredient and mentally ticking them off the list as you went. When you were sure that you had everything you needed, you took out your phone and pulled up the video you needed, propping it up against an empty glass bottle before pressing play.

The video was an episode of Axis Powers Hetalia where England was crafting a potion in his basement. He claimed that this potion would make anyone who drank it fall in love with the first person they saw. The thought that you could make Iwaizumi fall for you with just the sip of a potion you created had you giddy with excitement and you didn’t even consider the possibility that it could backfire, potentially going horribly wrong.

You pushed up your glasses with your middle finger, copying what England did with careful measurements – which was a bit difficult considering he didn’t mention what any of the ingredients were, nor did he measure them, but you were one of the smartest kids Aobajohsai had to offer. Using context clues, you determined what he was using and how much and you did not deviate from the list you had made. The contents of the glass bottle was a deep, cherry red with ice-cold smoke pouring over the top of the bottle, quite similar to dry ice.

It was just like England’s potion and you felt excitement bubbling within you as you poured in exactly two teaspoons of lime juice. The liquid bubbled up, changing to a rich shade of dark blue. The smell was atrocious, smelling like rotten fruit that had been sitting out in the sun for a few weeks. Your stomach turned at the thought and you were thankful you had skipped lunch in favor of working on the potion.

You grabbed a white mask from the supply cupboard to block some of the smell, something you should have done before even beginning to work on it, but it had slipped your mind in your excitement. ‘Now I just have to let it sit for twenty minutes over a roaring flame!’ Cranking the heat on the burner up, you settled down onto the wooden stool.

It was Sunday and, while there were no classes, the school remained open for students that wanted to work on projects or study for upcoming exams. Very few students took advantage of this, wanting to be anywhere but at school on the weekends, but you loved to learn so the school acted as a second home for you.

Twenty minutes passed by slowly and when the timer on your phone finally rang, you sprung off the stool, turning the heat off before carefully removing the bottle with a heat-resistant glove. The liquid was now a deep blurple and, though the smell of rotting fruit was still present, it now had a sweet-smelling overtone as if someone had dumped fresh fruit on top of the rotting ones.

How were you supposed to get him to drink something that smelled so foul? There’s no way he’d trust it. Maybe you could slip it into his sports drink during practice? Yes, that seemed like a good option! After the bottle cooled, wrapped your fingers around the slim neck and excitedly headed for the door. Again, the excitement made you overlook two very important things.

The first was the fact that you had forgotten to put a cork in the bottle to ensure that no liquid spilled accidentally. The second was the fact that you should never run with an open bottle of questionable liquid.

As the door slid open, you were unable to stop your momentum, running straight into the very object of your affections – Iwaizumi Hajime. The bottle jumped out of your hands, the liquid spilling all over both of you before the bottle clattered to the ground, surprisingly unbroken.

As the liquid seeped into your clothes, wrapping around you like a second layer of skin, your body got very cold. It was like you had just stepped into a walk-in freezer at the back of a supermarket. Your eyes clamped shut, arms wrapping tight around your body as you attempted to preserve what little bit of warmth was left.

Iwaizumi released a shaky breath, forming a small cloud of smoke from the change in his body temperature. He was feeling the effects too, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as you seemed to be taking it. “A-Are you o-o-okay, Y/N-san?”

“Y-Y-Yes, why do you – do you a-ask?” You stuttered, your teeth chattering almost violently.

“You’re – you’re sha-a-king-g-g,” he stuttered back, rubbing his arms to try and generate heat. What the hell was going on? What horrid thing had you created within this lab? He was scared to ask.

“I-I-I’m not co-co-cold in the – in the l-least!” You tried to smile, but it was clearly forced. Your body was shaking like a leaf on a windy autumn day.

“Y-Yeah right,” he huffed, trying to control the shaking of his own body. Feeling concerned for not only himself but for you, as well, he pulled you into his arms, holding you tightly to try and warm both of you and it seemed to be working. Your hands clutched at his shirt tightly, burying your face in his neck as the cold slowly started to work its way from your bones.

Iwaizumi was like a warm blanket on a cold winter morning, so comforting that you forgot the rest of the world even existed. It was a wonderful feeling and, while you had imagined what it would feel like so many times in the past to be held by him, it certainly did not disappoint. You were fully content just staying like that forever, snuggled within his body with your arms wrapped tightly around his waist, able to feel his toned muscles through the fabric of his thin shirt.

“Uh, Y/N-san. You can let go now,”

His voice brought you crashing back to reality and you noticed that neither of you were shaking anymore. While you were reluctant to do so, you finally released your hold on him, taking a step back while readjusting the glasses on your face. “I’m really sorry Iwaizumi-san!”

He frowned, rubbing at his arm before turning his attention to the floor. The strange liquid was completely gone, but the smell still lingered in the air, making him wrinkle his nose. “What the hell was that stuff?”

“Oh! It was a lo -” You slapped your hand over your mouth, giggling nervously when he quirked a brow. “A, uhhh, low grade fever reducer – yes, let’s go with that! Anywho, did you need something?”

“We have a project to work on, remember? I’m skipping practice to get this done, so let’s not waste time.”

“Of course! Let me grab my bag and I’ll meet you in the library.” You offered him a smile, which he returned with a nod before turning and leaving the room. As soon as he was out of sight, your bubbly demeanor deflated. You had put so much effort into that potion and some of the ingredients were harder to come by and thanks to your reckless excitement, it was ruined.

Maybe it was fate’s way of telling you the relationship wasn’t meant to be. Or perhaps it was karma for trying to force him into loving you. Either way, your mood had definitely taken a nosedive, but you would put on a fake smile for Iwaizumi because that’s what he deserved.

━━━━━━༻⚘༺━━━━━━

When you woke up the next morning to get ready for school, your mood hadn’t improved much. Although you had gotten to spend time with Iwaizumi for several hours, neither of you really talked much unless it was about a project, but that was how it always was because you really had nothing in common.

While he was athletic and outgoing, surrounded by people and in love with playing Volleyball, you were quite the opposite. You preferred books over humans and didn’t like talking to someone that didn’t share your views on how important getting good grades was for the future, plus you couldn’t play a sport to save your life. Even so, you had fallen hard for the third-year and just wanted to be near him.

You picked up your glasses and slipped them onto your face, only for your vision to go completely blurry, a wave of nausea washing over you. You pulled them off in a confused flurry, eyes widening when your vision cleared up. You were absolutely positive that poor sight didn’t just magically fix itself overnight.

‘Wait… magic? Ah, the potion!’ Your mind started to work overtime as you started to pace around your room. ‘Did I make a mistake? No, I’m positive that I used all of the correct ingredients and measurements. Perhaps when it touches the skin, it has a different effect? Or it could be as simple as a bug flying into the mixture when I looked away. Hmm, I should research this and try to recreate it.’ You reached for your notebook to take notes but you paused. ‘Next time with a heating blanket,’

After getting changed and grabbing your bag, you rushed out of the house toward school, your mind running wild with thoughts and questions about yesterday’s events. When you got to school, however, you found Iwaizumi standing outside the school gate, his eyes squinted as he watched the other students passing by.

“Good morning, Iwai -”

“What did you do?” He demanded, taking you by the arm to pull you away from the other students who had turned to look after his outburst.

“W-What?” Your brow furrowed in confusion. “Why do you keep squinting?”

“I can’t see!” He scowled, rubbing at his eyes. “Everything is all blurry.”

Your eyes widened. ‘No, it can’t be…’ Digging around in your bag, you pulled out the case that housed your glasses. Thankfully, you had brought them just in case your clear vision was a fluke. “Put these on!”

“What? Why?” His lips tugged down as he squinted at the black frames on his palm. “I don’t need glasses.”

“Trust me,” you encouraged, pushing his hand closer to his body.

Iwaizumi was unsure, but he did as you told him, slipping the glasses onto his face. Like magic, his vision was no longer blurry, the only reminder being the headache throbbing within his temple. “What…”

Without warning, you grabbed the bottom of his shirt and tugged it up to reveal his stomach, much to his displeasure. His cheeks burned and he pushed your hand away, asking you what the hell you were doing, but your mind was far too distracted to hear his words. His stomach, once full of muscle and a very defined six pack, was now flat. In your excited haste that morning, you hadn’t noticed the change in your own body mass, but now that your mind was slowly piecing together the mess that was your current existence, you realized that your stomach was now full of muscle, along with your arms and legs.

“Oh… Oh no…”

“What the hell is happening, Y/N?” He proped, watching your face as it morphed into a million different expressions, your hand on your chin as you started to pace back and forth. “Oi, are you even listening to me?”

No, you weren’t.

“How is this possible?” You muttered to yourself, barely audible. “I was wrong, the potion doesn’t fix your vision upon skin contact, it has a completely different effect. But what is it, exactly? A body switch? But our minds and memories are intact. I wonder…” Your eyes lit up with excitement as you grasped him by the wrist and dragged him toward the gym where the volleyball team was practicing.

“Oi!” He tried to free himself from your grip, but your strength was superior to his now.

You burst into the gym loudly, eyes scanning the team as they all paused to look at you. Oikawa was the first to recover, approaching you with a huff. “Y/N-chan! You’re late for practice. Hurry up and change.” His eyes slid to Iwaizumi and he grinned. “Thanks for making them come to practice, Iwa-chan!”

His mouth opened, but no sound escaped.

“I apologize, Oikawa-san. Iwaizumi-san and I have a really important project coming up so I won’t be at practice. I just needed to check on something.”

“Eh? But -”

You ignored him, dragging the dark haired male with you as you left the gym, the doors slamming behind you. “No, it’s definitely not body swapping. It’s life swapping!”

Iwaizumi massaged his temple with his free hand, feeling like he was currently in a nightmare that he just couldn’t wake up from. “Will you please tell me what’s going on.”

“Oh, right, of course!” You pulled him over to the nearby bench, motioning for him to sit down. “This is all started when I was watching Hetalia. Iggy was making a love potion for this woman that he had a crush on and the recipe seemed quite simple. I took very careful notes, you know. Naturally, I had to try it out myself, not only as a scientific advancement, but because it would be the only way you would ever spare me a second look.”

His eyes widened in surprise at the admission, but you were too wrapped up in your thoughts, pacing back and forth, to notice that you had all but confessed to liking him.

“It took me a week to get everything together and I know I followed the recipe to a T, but something clearly went wrong. My theory is that the liquid has a completely different effect when it comes into contact with skin opposed to being ingested. When I spilled it and it landed on both of us, something must have occurred to make us switch lives. It’s quite curious, because our minds and memories have not been altered, but our physicalities and lives have been changed. Would the same effect still occur if it came into contact with only one person instead of two? This is fascinating!”

His eye twitched, clearing not sharing your sentiments. “That’s great and all, but how do we fix it?”

You hummed thoughtfully, coming to a stop. “Well, I propose that we try it again.”

“Are you telling me that spilling that… potion on us again will reverse the effects?”

“Of course not!” You met his gaze, reaching to push up your glasses only to frown when you remembered that you no longer needed them. It was a strange sensation – they had become like an extra limb to you after all of the years you had worn them and even now, it was like you could feel them perched upon your nose. You cleared your throat. “The probability of that working is only about twenty percent. However, since the potion got us into this mess, it’s certainly possible that it can get us out. We have no other options at this point.”

“You said it took you a week to get the ingredients… so we have to stay like this a week?” He really hoped that wasn’t the case. Even now, he just wanted to get into the gym and play volleyball with the rest of his team, but he doubted he could with the lack of muscle he now had. His body felt clumsy and he was positive that he wouldn’t even be able to keep up with the slowest members of the team.

“Actually, I planned ahead and ordered extra ingredients on the rare chance that I messed up the potion. There’s one ingredient I didn’t get, though.”

Iwaizumi assumed it was a super rare ingredient since you didn’t get more of it and that worried him. “What is it? How long will it take to order it?”

“Oh, we don’t have to order it. We just have to visit the grocery store!”

“The… grocery store?”

“Yup! The only ingredient I’m missing is a lime. I suppose it is possible that the school kitchen has one somewhere, but I believe that would raise unnecessary questions. We will have to wait until school ends, though, since I have to use the school’s laboratory in order to properly craft it.”

Iwaizumi found himself deadpanning. He was no expert, but he had never heard of a lime being an ingredient in a potion, especially not one that was meant to capture someone’s affections. That thought brought color to his cheeks and he turned his attention to observe you. ‘I never thought Y/N liked me. They never showed any signs of wanting to be anything more than just friends.’

The bell rang out, signaling the start of homeroom and you squeaked in surprise. “We’re going to be late! I’ll meet you in the laboratory after school!” You offered him a bright smile before taking off, surprised by how fast you could now run.

He didn’t move from his spot on the bench, closing his eyes as he leaned his head back, the warm breeze ruffling his hair.

━━━━━━༻⚘༺━━━━━━

You hummed contently as you carefully set out the ingredients for the potion, double checking to make sure you had everything you needed to recreate it perfectly. Now you just needed to wait for Iwaizumi to return with the lime and you could get started. Even though you remembered the formula by heart, you still set up your phone with the video just for extra protection.

“I’m back,” Iwaizumi entered the room with a small plastic bag in his hand. “I bought five just to be safe.”

“Thinking ahead!” You grinned, accepting the bag from his hand, heart skipping a beat when your fingers brushed against his. You cleared your throat, quickly turning around to set the bag on the counter. While you got to work creating another potion, Iwaizumi settled himself at the table behind you, watching you curiously as you worked. He noticed the way your tongue stuck out of the corner of your mouth when you were measuring something, the way your eyes sparkled once you got the desired effect.

These were things he had always noticed about you, among the other quirks that you had. Truth be told, he had been watching you since you were both first years. Your intelligence was so beautiful to him and he wanted to get to know you, but he worried that he wouldn’t be smart enough to keep you entertained or happy, so he didn’t get his hopes up and just admired you from afar. To think that you shared his sentiments was unbelievable to him. You had even gone so far as to try and force him to love you with a damn potion.

The thought made him chuckle and you sent him a curious look over your shoulder. He coughed, using his hand to try and hide his warm cheeks. “Sorry, I just remembered a funny joke Shittykawa told the other day.”

You smiled at him before returning to the potion. The smell was beginning to rise up from the smoking liquid, filling the room and making his stomach twist painfully. He had to pull his shirt up to cover his mouth and nose, but you didn’t seem the least bit bothered by it. He wondered if you had gotten used to the smell already or if you were just too focused to notice.

The minutes ticked by in silence and, after what felt like an hour, the potion was cooling on the tabletop. With a proud grin, you pulled the thick gloves from your hands, setting them beside the bottle. “It’s all done! We just have to let it cool off to room temperature before using it.” You plopped a thermometer into the liquid to keep track.

“We have to spill it over ourselves, right?” He winced, remembering how ice-cold he had felt upon contact. It was like death himself was ripping out his soul and he was not looking forward to experiencing that again.

You giggled as he suppressed a shiver and you reached for your bag, pulling a thick blanket from the bottom. “Don’t worry, I was planning on recreating the potion anyway, so I came prepared this time.”

He released a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding when he saw the brown object. “A heating blanket,”

“Yup! Though I did not anticipate you being here, as well. It should be big enough for both of us!”

The thought of being under the same blanket with you, bodies pressed together to preserve heat, had him feeling some kinda way. He loved the idea and suddenly, being ice-cold again didn’t seem so bad. “Good thinking, Y/N.”

“Thanks!” You beamed at the praise, not even realizing that he had dropped the -san from your name, saying it just a bit softer than he normally would. “Oh, it’s ready! We should re-create the scene just to be sure.”

“Can’t we just -”

“No, we have to do it exactly the same way.” You responded firmly. “Go out into the hall, standing five lockers down from the door. Start counting as soon as you leave the room and open the door on ten. Understand?”

He nodded, pulling himself to his feet.

One.

Two.

Three.

You turned on the heating blanket, setting it by the door so it would be ready for the two of you.

Four.

Five.

Six.

You carefully picked up the bottle in your hands, cradling it like a fragile creature.

Seven.

Eight.

Nine.

Ten.

The door swung open as you approached it quickly, the two of you colliding just as you had the day before. The bottle slipped from your hands, the liquid sloshing out and covering both of you, quickly seeping into your clothes and chilling you to the bone. The difference this time was that the bottle shattered upon hitting the floor, spraying glass across the room.

“S-S-Shit,” you cursed, throwing your arms around yourself as the cold reached to your bones. Iwaizumi grabbed the blanket, trying to control his shaking hands as he wrapped it around your shoulders before pulling you into his body, allowing you to wrap it around behind him. Even on the highest setting, you could still feel the chill hanging over you. “I fe-el dizzy.”

“Me t-too,” he breathed out, seeing his breath in a cloud of smoke. A wave of nausea came over the two of you, spots appearing inside your vision before darkness claimed you. He tried to keep himself together, holding you up, but he too succumbed to the darkness, both of you crumbling to the floor in each other’s arms.

━━━━━━༻⚘༺━━━━━━

Iwaizumi felt someone shaking him and he groaned, reaching for his throbbing head. He felt like he was coming out of a thick fog, his body heavy as it was roused from sleep. ‘What the hell was that dream? And why do I feel so hot?’

“Iwa-chan!”

His eyes cracked open, finding Oikawa leaning over him with a worried look on his face.

“Are you okay? And why are you wearing glasses?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” The male scoffed, pushing him away and slowly sitting up. Upon doing so, the heating blanket slipped down, exposing his warm flesh to the cool air coming in through the open window. ‘That explains the heat, but doesn’t explain the glasses.’ He pulled them from his face, rubbing at his eyes.

“You and Y/N-san passed out,” Oikawa responded with concern, glancing at you on the floor beside him, still unconscious. “I was walking by when I heard glass shatter, then I found the two of you on the floor!”

Iwaizumi panicked, turning his body toward you as he gently shook your body. “Y/N? Wake up!”

You started to stir, a soft groan passing your lips as your eyes cracked open, squinting up at the blurry face above you. With a softness that surprised you, he carefully put your glasses on your face, clearing up your vision so you could see the worried expression marring his beautiful face. “Iwaizumi-san? What happened?”

Oikawa huffed, “That’s what I want to know! What crazy experiments were you doing, Y/N-san?”

“Experiments…?” The past two days rushed through your mind like a movie on times-two speed, eyes widening as you turned toward the dark-haired boy, grabbing the bottom of his shirt and lifting it up almost violently. You were greeted with his abs, sculpted after years of playing volleyball.

With red cheeks, he smacked your hands away, forcing his shirt back down. “Will you stop doing that!”

Oikawa quirked a brow, an amused smirk playing on his lips. “If you wanted to see abs, Y/N-san, you could have just asked me. I don’t mind sharing~” He grabbed for the hem of his shirt but Iwaizumi made a strangled noise, putting himself between the two of you so you wouldn’t see it. His abs were the only ones he wanted you to see.

“Your concern is noted, Shittykawa, now go away!”

“How rude, Iwa-chan!” But the boy obeyed, sticking his tongue out before turning to leave the room.

“Your abs are back, and my bad vision is back.” You chirped happily, readjusting the black frames when they started to slip down your nose. “It looks like it worked! I wonder why we passed out this time, though. How fascinating!” You pulled yourself to your feet, looking over the shattered glass on the floor. “Surely smashing the glass couldn’t have altered it that drastically. Is this the butterfly effect? I must research this some more!”

You tried to head over to the table where the ingredients were but Iwaizumi grabbed your wrist to stop you, tugging you backward. You didn’t have a chance to speak before you were wrapped in his arms, his hand on the back of your head. For a moment, you just stood there in surprise, unsure of how to react. It was one thing for him to hug you to try to preserve warmth, but it was completely different for him to suddenly hug you without just cause.

“Iwai -”

“Hajime,” he stated, his breath making your hair shift. “Call me Hajime.”

Your cheeks lit up at the thought of being allowed to use his first name. “Hajime-san… what are you doing?”

“For someone so smart, you can be really dumb.” He commented with a chuckle, pulling back just enough for his forehead to rest against your own. His eyes were soft and full of love as they met yours. “You didn’t need some silly potion to win my heart, you already had it.”

Before you could process the declaration, his lips met yours and you practically melted in his embrace, hand going to the back of his neck to deepen the kiss. It didn’t matter if you weren’t as athletic as him, or if he wasn’t as smart as you. The two of you made up for what the other one lacked, and that was more than enough for the two of you.

━━━━━━༻⚘༺━━━━━━

📜 Read more by checking out my masterlist 📜

[colde0channel]

[ENG] 180530 COLDE - DAZED INTERVIEW

Q. I was hesitant right before I came to see you. I wasn’t sure what questions to ask. I assumed ‘music’ was the only clue that explained your name ‘Colde’. 

Colde: That’s absolutely right. I never had the intention of creating a visual stereotype of the work I’ve been doing so far. I’ve rejected using other elements besides music.  It’s the same reason why I wear a hat/cap when I sing. That’s why I’m reluctant to be exposed in the media and I hardly do interviews very often. I’ve been doing that for the past two years, I’m now working as a solo artist as of this year. I thought this time, I’d have to brand myself differently. This is my first magazine interview with Dazed.  (t/n: He feels more confident performing on stage. He explained in previous interviews that he’s in fact a ‘timid’ person. This interview took place in 2018. Colde officially debuted with 0channel as ‘offonoff’ in 2016.)

Q. That sounds great. So let’s start this with, what’s the meaning behind the name ‘Colde’ ?

Colde: There are certain words that I love, and one of them is ‘Cold’ . When I visualised it as an image, I thought it fit well with my voice and appearance. I’m naturally not a bright person but the name ‘Cold’ goes well with a calm feeling. There are lots of meaningless typography (names) so that’s why I put an ‘e’ at the end of ‘Cold’. (Cold + e= Colde) (t/n: He mentioned on Red & Yella, that he got the name using a word generator. Although his name is Colde and with a voice that sounds ‘cold’ too, he wishes to bring warmth with his music.)

Q. What type of person is ‘Colde’ aka ‘Kim Heesoo’ like in real life? Are you as quiet and calm as when you sing?

Colde: I like to think positively, and I’m usually quiet. However once you get to know me, I like to joke around. I tend to discuss deeply about what I love;  like collecting vintage items, old books and I love taking film photos that I can directly connect to music. Which I then keep in a stack of archives. Also riding an old car. I write songs with that kind of inspiration. I know a lot of people have been curious. (t/n: In fact he has a tattoo of an ‘old car’ on his right arm. Also the film photos he took in Texas (2019) were used for his LOVE PART 01 EP cover)

Q. What other things do you do, when you’re not doing music?

Colde: Talking (to friends)? Or watching a movie. I enjoy drinking tea peacefully while reading books. I like going to clubs but only when it’s for work, like planning a performance or parties. (laughs)

Q. Don’t you sometimes dream of escaping in a fit of anger?

Colde: Hmmmm, well I would take a walk on the Han River Bridge and just sing. Then sing loudly until I can’t hear my voice and the sound of cars.

Q. When you know you have enough control of yourself, it’s not as easy as it looks. So far, do you think you’ve been able to compete only with music rather than revealing yourself (into the public). 

Colde: When me and 0channel moved together as a team, we solely focused on ‘offonoff’ as opposed to individuality. Our concept was not to let anyone know about us, like Margiela (brand). It was difficult to continue with that kind of concept as a crew (team). But with that, it’s constructed well in its own way. I would express it as ‘branding’.

(t/n: It’s almost saying as if ‘offonoff’ is a brand of its own. Martin Margiela who owns the brand, remains to be a private person.  “Constantly challenging people’s expectations, the label persistently presents the idea of anonymity within their collections, and often sends models down the catwalk with their faces concealed so the concentration is on the clothes.” source: vogue  )

Q. I agree. Nowadays, we do the branding ourselves. Offonoff and Colde’s music reminds me of the phrase you either ‘like it’ or you ‘crave for more’ . Without a doubt, both of you have different opinions. When you work on an album, how much do you or both express your own preference(s)?

Colde: For my solo music, they’re all centered around me so everything is decided by my opinion.  Whereas in comparison to teamwork (offonoff), our opinions are half and half. We combine both of our ideas, well enough to make it work. That’s why it takes longer to work on the album. Which is the same for other things besides music. From a month before the album was released, we gathered every week to have visual meetings. Discussing ideas on how we would like the music video(s) to turn out. So I think we have good teamwork and synergy based on that.  

Q. I heard that your first solo single ‘Your Dog Loves You’, from song writing to music video and album promotion was done without any label.

Colde: When we were still promoting as ‘offonoff’, our previous label (HIGHGRND) positively reflected the opinions of artists. So there weren't any conflicting issues. When I wrote this song (YDLY), I told myself “I’ll pursue this, there’s no one stopping me.”  I started working on the album (YDLY) thinking about my dog; Samna. Even though we’ve been apart for a while, I still feel a sense of happiness. I realised that love is truly incredible. I wanted to express the meaning of my love and gratitude (for her), so that’s why I wrote about Samna as my first single. ‘Your Dog Loves You’ is a song that conveys my honest self and emotions with sincerity. Thus recording (the song) is important when doing music.

Q. What type of branding will be added to this song? 

Colde: For this song, I think my real name ‘Kim Heesoo’ best represents me than Colde. To Samna, I live as ‘Kim Heesoo’ (laughs). We will be selling T-shirts with the release of this album. Some of the proceeds (from selling the shirts) will be donated to ‘CARE’, an animal shelter organisation. They also helped with the music video shoot. 

Q. Is Wavy a type of movement?

Colde: That is correct. It's not just a concept or a crew but it's going to turn into a ‘brand’. Essentially it will then form as an ‘official label’. I'm still thinking about how I'm going to make it interesting, once it's unveiled. I can't tell you any more details, please keep an eye out . (laughs)

Q. It seems that promoting the song strategically is as important as good music.

Colde: I guess you could say that. When me and 0channel made our first song (Mood. mixtape [2015]) as ‘offonoff’, we tried to complete it with a high quality visual. With that, we started a website for it. The goal was to make the site accessible for everyone to access, and I paid attention to the small details. (offonoffart.tumblr.com) Which I think played a part of the promotion. It’s the same process for my solo music. I’m not only good at making music, but I should get the most out of using webzine, youtube channel and SNS websites (instagram etc). I also like to observe and explore how people use these websites.

Q. Are there any public figures (eg. actors, writers, artists) or anything that you are interested in nowadays?

Colde: Vintage shopping. In my spare time, I would make a trip looking for only vintage items.

Q. In your opinion, is nostalgia for old (things) any special?

Colde: Without them (old things) what would be left after the person passes away? Money? I don’t think so. If I leave something that is special (to me) I’d regard it as if it’s my child. I believe that whoever is influenced by me, will be greatly inspired. If you have a distinctive preference, the meaning of life will look even more different. Then I’ll be able to explain that clearly to someone, before I die. 

Q. What’s the latest thing you’ve purchased?

Colde: Yesterday I bought a candlestick decorated with crystals on it. There’s a favourite shop that I like, whenever a new item comes in the owner would always contact me first. I also bought postcards and old magazines.

Q. Does that kind of preference also similar with fashion?

Colde: I love anything vintage in Japan and the UK. When I talk to my friends, ‘vintage’ is always the subject of the conversation. (t/n: He visited both countries before.)

Q. It is evident that cool musicians like you dress well. I think that’s why we’re able to film Eli’den Men with you today. 

Colde: I’ve been offered a lot of fashion photoshoots and I’ve disappointed many, even though it’s a great opportunity. I had to decline them. I’d rather make a proposal for myself first, planning to do projects which connect music and fashion. Having the chance to work on Eli’den Men, I was so excited that I knew it would be fun. Even wearing eleven outfits was a challenge for me. 

Q. How do you feel after filming it?

Colde: I feel great because I got to wear many pretty clothes. (laughs)

Q. What is the relationship between fashion and music for you? 

Colde: I think my own criteria of fashion determines whether I'm an artist or not. Anyone can identify if an artist’s identity is connected to fashion. It doesn’t necessarily mean an artist has to dress well. I don’t think I can look my best, without that connection between work and clothing. It’s very important to show your personality through fashion. For example, when performing as offonoff’s Colde, I would wear my cap pretty low. Because that’s the character I set up for myself. I’m the type of person who doesn’t want to make eye contact with people, who’s also timid, passive and a reserved person. But in reality I’m gloomy and an introvert.  After becoming a solo artist it’s getting better, now that I’ve started to open myself up to the world.  Hence why I decided to appear on the show ‘BREAKERS’. The process of opening myself is revealed through fashion.

Q. I can feel the sincerity from your honesty. From now onwards I have high hopes of what’s going to happen next (for his next music release). 

Colde: For my next second single; the keyword is  ‘Fashion’. (Colde - WAVE [EP]) These days, I’ve been so immersed in my work. I’ve been planning this (album) since last year. It’s going to be a lot of fun. I’m planning to get a head start on this around June to July.

Q. So will we meet again next month?

Colde: I’d love that (smiles). I think it’s more meaningful if it’s with DAZED. Please look forward to my new music and upcoming projects.

✧ original source here

Translated by @colde0channel.                                                                          Please credit when reposting. Thank you!

[ardentprose]

Trials of Hope

Hoseok x Reader

Genre: Angst

Warning: mention of suicidal thoughts. depictions of depression and panic attacks.

Summary: Progress always comes with setbacks. Among all the good days, one unfortunate night appears in which every coping mechanism fails and you are forced to reach out for help. To be reminded that you are not alone.

Song: Sea by BTS (fanmade lyric video (not mine))

My fingers slide over the phone screen. My thumb trembles as I open the messaging app. In the top three conversations lies his name. Funnily enough, I haven’t texted that much to warrant such a high spot. However, the fact I’m even tapping on his name and staring at the keyboard is its own explanation. 

Hoseok is just short of a friend. But in this moment, he’s all I have. 

Hey, are you up?

After several rewrites I send the text. A shuddering sigh exhales past sore lips, bitten beyond relief and trapped between my teeth even now as I dread the response. Regret floods my chest as soon as the check mark appears. He’s up. Now what do I say?

Hey! I’m up lol. What’s up?

Before I can comprehend it, I’m backpedaling down the cliff from my insistent thoughts and sending a harmless text. 

I’m bored lol. What are you doing? 

This doesn’t concern him. What was I thinking? I shouldn’t be asking him for help when I barely know him. Thoughts such as these overtake my mind, confirming my regret for even contacting him.

I set the phone down on the table and gaze around the unlit space. Only the city lights of night time Seoul flash across the carpet, casting my lonely figure and the living room in a melancholy blue. Under the same blue lights, my roommate Eliza and I lay across one another on the couch, talking about whatever comes to our minds. The muted atmosphere only adds to the domesticity. But now that she’s away, and I’m alone, they’ve become a reminder that each light has a life connected to it. And each one will go to bed with someone they care about close by. 

I tuck my feet beneath me and sink lower into the couch. Closing my eyes doesn’t stop the intrusive thoughts from targeting my psyche. 

You’re such a fool. An idiot for thinking you were strong enough. You’ll never escape this. You’ll always be this way. There will never be an end-

I dive for the vibrating phone on the table and answer it without blinking. 

“Hello?” A harsh sting covers my lip at how raspy my voice sounds. Hopefully, he’ll credit it to the phone signal.

“Hey,” Hoseok’s voice is piqued with interest. “If you’re so bored, why aren’t you asleep?” 

The playful question only presses guilt further in my chest. I pull the phone away to clear my throat and test out the tonality of a voice that’s been crying for the past three hours.

I force a chuckle to cover how miserable I really am. “How about you? What are you doing up so late?”

Hoseok hums and I can see his smile and twinkling eyes clear as day. “I’m working on a new song.” 

“Oh? Really? What’s it about?” Thankful to have a less threatening topic to focus on, I press him for questions in an almost desperate manner. 

He tsks in response. “That’s top secret. You’ll have to wait until it’s released.” 

The deflation in my chest hurts to a point I was not expecting. My smile falters again into trembling lips and I have to pull the phone away once again to look up at the ceiling and blink away hot tears. 

I suppose I just needed something else to take my attention for awhile, but the entire universe seems to be telling me no. 

“Important business, huh?” I retort after collecting myself again. 

A second goes by before a sharp peal of laughter erupts on the receiver. “Yeah! Yes, that’s exactly what it is. Important business. Top secret.”

I smile and yet tears scald my cheeks until they fall from my chin. Pretending to hold a playful conversation with him, as if mere seconds ago the thought of ending myself wasn’t exploding in my head, is too surreal. My throat constricts past the point of speaking and I lower the phone, tapping the speaker before I set it on the table. 

I grab the nearest couch pillow and bury my face into it. With a death like grip, I squeeze the comforting material to me, hoping to suppress the despair coating me in waves.

The silence no doubt passes as a comfortable one in his mind, as he searches for something to say. 

“How is Eliza doing?” He asks.

“She’s...um…” I swallow down another cry and try to gather the latest news she told me. 

“She’s having lots of fun. Yesterday she went to this sushi bar she really wanted to try out.” I say, clinging to the pillow for dear life. There was no way I was going to ruin her day by telling her years of repressed memories came flooding back. Besides, she would worry and take the next flight home.

Hoseok offers an affirmative noise. Some shuffling of papers can be heard and then what I guess is the squeak of his studio chair as he leans back in it. 

“How are you doing?” 

The words cut through the air snatching my breath. I stare at the lit phone screen as my grip becomes tighter. The rope of desperation curls impossibly tight in my stomach. I part my lips, knowing I have to answer in a reasonable amount of time but my mind can’t fathom a believable response short  of “I feel like I might do something I’ll regret.” 

The silence grows too long and Hoseok’s voice repeats the question, now in a softer, confused tone. “Y/N? Are you still there? Are you okay?” 

The question breaks me and I collapse into my hands, tears unabashedly soaking my fingers. Slippery palms fall past my lips and fail to disguise the sob that breaks through in a fractured word. 

“No-

I don’t know if he can hear me, but there’s no way I’ll be able to collect myself again. Should I just hang up and text him? Create some excuse as to why the call was cut short? 

My hands tremble against my face. I press them against my cheeks, feeling how hot my skin is. Sitting up, the clenching of my stomach becomes suffocating. A strangled breath hitches in my chest as everything goes cold. 

Oh no. Shit. Fuck no.

The signs of a panic attack are bypassed completely. Normally, I would have time to talk myself down before it happens. Due to the past few hours, my body has had enough of being repressed. 

“Hos...Hoseok?” I gasp through a temporary burst of oxygen. 

“Yes? Y/N, what’s wrong? Are you crying?” His voice has flown from lax and playful to frightened urgency.

Guilt crushes my response. Instead, I focus on exhaling away the black spots that bloom over my eyes. 

“Sorry...I just...I don’t want to-” 

“Are you home? Do you want me to come over? I’ll be right there. Don’t move, baby, I’m coming. Don’t move. Just...stay there okay?” 

Hoseok ends the call before I can even process his words. Before it dawns on me that he just called me ‘baby’. If I wasn’t fighting to stay conscious, I might be having a completely different breakdown on that alone. 

I shakily stand to my feet, trying to find something to focus on other than the panic numbing me to the core. This wasn’t how I wanted the night to go. I just wanted to sleep. I didn’t want to call Hoseok. I shouldn’t have ever texted him because now-

Now he’ll see me as I really am. 

I stumble to the wall and flick on the lights. I rest my head against the wall and close my eyes, taking deep breaths. Cries faithfully escape my mouth, but I no longer have the strength to mute how pitiful I sound. I gaze around the stark contrast of the room under fluorescents.

I should at least look presentable. I should straighten up. I should wash my face. I could make tea. 

I need to calm down. I need to calm down. I need to calm down. 

All these suggestions make their claim as I sink to the floor and curl in on myself. I focus on breathing deeply, starting over every time a cry cuts short my oxygen. 

Before I’ve gone through the exercise three times, there’s a rapid knocking on the door. 

“Y/N!” Under different circumstances, Hoseok would sound furious rather than panicked. I lift my head, willing myself to at least stop crying long enough to open the door and save some face. 

As soon as I remove the top lock, the door swings open and reveals a distraught Hoseok. Normally put together down to the shoelaces he wears, the disheveled man stands before me anything but. Puffy wide eyes flit all over my face beneath hair sticking up in all directions, some strands falling between his alerted gaze.

He grabs my shoulders, bomber jacket crinkling with the quick motion. 

“What’s happening? Are you alright? Are you hurt? Did someone get hurt? Can I come in?” A volley of questions and his hands push me backwards into the apartment. He slams the door shut with his heel. 

I part my lips but tears only fall in response to all the questions. A horrid choke emits from my throat and Hoseok sighs, nodding his head. 

“I’m here now.” He takes a moment to calm himself down, replacing his worries with his palms sliding down over my shoulders in reassuring squeezes until he grabs my hand in his. 

It’s as if I’ve become paraplegic, subject to only Hoseok’s calm but firm grip situating my body next to his on the couch. He turns on a lamp fully exposing my swollen and distraught eyes. I know how awful I look because I see his eyes widen imperceptibly and his shoulders jerk with an internal gasp. But his mask is more solid than mine and not a word is said about my despairing look. 

He ducks his head so I meet his eyes and when my chin ducks he catches it, ignoring every rule of public decency to raise it in his fingertips and whisper. 

“Look at me. Just breathe with me.” 

I try to inhale but a new wave rises. I grit my teeth. From my shoulders to my stomach, spasms of desperation wrack my body. Hoseok removes his fingertips from my chin and grabs my wrists, yanking on them with gentle urgency brings my palms over his rib cage.

“Y/N. You need to breathe. Feel my chest. Inhale and exhale. Good. Just like that, baby. You can do it.” He repeats his encouragements until with a final shudder I close my eyes and feel the fatigue hit.

“C’mere.” He mutters, collecting me into his chest and resting his chin on top of mine. I inhale his sweet scent, so relaxing and one that embodies the safety of Hoseok to the point I nearly cry again in relief. 

Numbly, I raise my hand to his elbow, gripping the crinkling jacket he still has yet to take off. I turn my forehead to press between his collarbones and sniffle. My nose is disgustingly blocked but he pushes me further against him, as if knowing I was about to draw away. 

“M’sorry.” I whisper into his damp shirt. 

“Don’t apologize.” The words are said with finality and his hand which up until now had been running up and down my back momentarily pauses and presses into my body. 

“Even still,” I raise my head and lean back as far as I can with his arm tucked around my waist. Hoseok gazes down his nose at me, nothing but empathy in his drawn gaze. 

“You shouldn’t have had to see me like this. I shouldn’t have called-”

“I’m glad you called.” He interrupts. “And why shouldn’t you call me? Aren’t we friends? Isn’t that what I’m here for?” His outburst catches me off guard. Had I offended him?

“But-But Hoseok I’m too mu-”

“You’re not nearly enough for me.” Hoseok releases me as if I had burned him. I blink at him several times. The after effects of the panic attack pounds against my skull. I couldn’t decipher the reason his sudden outburst through the oncoming migraine. 

So I say nothing and simply stare. Waiting for him to explain himself.

Hoseok, eyebrows furrowed, eyes wide, and mouth agape, looks at me with the most betrayed expression I have ever seen. 

“Rely on me. I want you to rely on me, Y/N. If I have ever made you feel anything other than safe than tell me, please.” 

“You haven’t. I trust you, Hoseok.” I whisper from a throat raw with abuse.

He runs his hand over his hair and shakes his head. Clearing his throat he looks at me again with a smile and even in the dim lighting of the lamp, I see his blush. 

“I don’t know what’s hurting you and I don’t expect you to tell me. But I do want to know. I want to know you’ll tell someone if you’re not okay. Because I’ve noticed - and not in a creepy way but because I just - uh…” 

For the first time tonight, I smile. Hoseok drops eye contact with me, rubbing the back of his neck as he starts at his mismatched shoes.

“I uh...I care about you and you need to hear that from me. Right? Yes, I care about you more than I have for someone before and- and I think you are one of the strongest people I have ever met. You’re really fucking inspiring even if it feels like you’re just here. B-because I-I can’t even be honest about my true feelings like you can. But every time I hear your story I feel like I can share mine. So don’t stop talking about it. Bu-But you don’t have to tell me...if you don’t want to.” 

He mumbles and smiles and laughs awkwardly but eventually he ends his rambling with a quick glance to my face. 

I meet his nervous expression with one of disbelief. “Me? Strong? Hoseok you don’t even know what I’ve done. I was literally thinking-” 

I cut myself off but Hoseok grabs my hands anyways, gripping them so tightly I resist the urge to wince. His eyes bore into mine and I feel as though he can read my mind, as though he knows exactly what I was going to admit. 

“Y/N.” His voice is shaking. I can’t look at him. 

“Y/N.” Hoarse and pleading. My heart wrenches and before I stop myself I’m meeting Hoseok’s red eyes, wet cheeks and trembling chin. 

“I love you so much. Fuck, I love you. You’re not alone. I’m right here for you.” He swears. The conviction in his voice was more than enough to draw tears to my sore eyes. 

“I-I hate this. I hate this feeling and my thoughts and everything in my life.” The truth comes tumbling out and there’s no stopping it. Somehow, fresh tears stain Hoseok's shirt as I collapse into his awaiting arms. 

“I’ll listen. I’ll listen to all of it. Just tell me everything.” He says in the sweetest, calmest voice I’ve heard him use. 

Stroking my hair, clutching me to his chest close enough to feel his heartbeat against my cheek, I confess my worries, my doubts, my darkness into Hoseok’s chest. I hold onto him for dear life as I whisper all the bad things into the night. And Hoseok, calm as ever, continues to smooth my hair, squeeze my waist, kiss my head and say, 

“It’s alright, love. You’re not alone. I’m right here.”

[catchlalune]

Tape 124: Jingshen

In part 1 of my series of wips I’ll never finish is the whole reason I made this blog! I started this fic as something that I wanted all my fics on this particular blog to encapsulate. I know this isn’t the style I work in now but I really wanted to go for a style that was really more fantasy. I thought there wouldn’t be a better day to release this than on my birthday so here we go! I also really want to thank @sichengforthewinwin for the fanart she made which was so sweet and amazing! Please keep in mind it is not finished, it was about 85% done and if you’d like to know how I was going to end it feel free to message me! 

Pairing: Reader x Luhan

Warnings: Angst, gore (poor kitty dies), supernatural themes\

Word count: 4k (4,042)

Luhan is it you watching this? If you’re watching this then you know that I am dead. At the time that I’m recording this I don’t know the reason why, but I know that I will die soon. You always told me that even though I was psychic and could see the future, I should live in the present. I’m trying to you know? Anyways, I wanted to record this because I’m not very good at saying that I love you and I want you to know that I love you very much - I just can’t say it. I want to; I want to so bad that it hurts, but every time I muster up the courage I get so tongue tied that I can’t let it out...but that’s not the point of this tape. I want to tell you about my feelings for you since the first day we met, is it too much? If it is you don’t need to watch it, but whether you do or don’t I figure someone should know. My therapist said this is a good way to organize my thoughts and feelings so I trust her. Right now as I start this it’s only Day 78, let’s try to make it to Day 365 okay?

Video 1:

I remember like it was yesterday because it was so cold and the thunder was raging on from the moment I woke up that morning. There was a flood warning on the TV channels and radio stations, and they advised everyone to stay in their houses. So you can imagine my surprise when I heard pounding on my door. It was so loud it startled Luna out of her sleep. You remember Luna, right? The all black cat with purple eyes. You never believed they were purple and we would always argue over the color. Anyway, when I opened the door you stood there with hair that was pink like cotton candy. I remember thinking how strange it was, why would someone want to dye their hair pink? And of all the pink colors why that pink? Then I realized that your hair was sticking to your forehead and dripping. Not just your hair but your clothing as well, a dark brown trench coat, light wash jeans with rips in them, and a white shirt underneath all drenched down to the matching brown boots you wore. I was so shocked I stepped back and you smiled sheepishly. I think you thought I wasn’t going to answer the door for you which I probably shouldn’t have. But there you were in front of me drenched but beautiful and your lips were moving before I had time to contemplate anything else.

“Are you the 精神的 ?” I remember you asking me in such a soft voice that I had to really think about it. But you continued on thinking I couldn’t understand you.

“Psychic? Are you psychic?” Your English startled me, I wasn’t used to anyone under thirty years old coming to speak to me and most of them didn’t know much English. I couldn’t do much but nod my head. 

“I want to ask you a question.” You spoke to me in earnest and I had forgotten that you were drenched from head to toe and still standing out in the downpour on my doorstep. 

“P-Please come in, I’ll get you a towel.” I remember stepping to the side so you could come in and I heard the squish of your socks in your boots. “I’ll bring you clothes too.” I said before walking down the hall, and all I heard in return was a quiet thank you.

After you were dried off and our bellies were full of oolong tea you decided to tell me why you had come. I had already suspected it was due to your career since there was no ring on your finger and if it was familial issues why come to a psychic who had no real backing but her word? That day you talked so long that the beat of the raindrops on my roof seemed to blend in with your soft words. Soft and gentle but not lacking in appeal, your voice is so silvery that when I first heard it and I mean really heard it I felt a warmth in my chest that sat there and bloomed as you went more in depth about your troubles. Honestly I don’t believe that you ever needed me, I think you just needed someone to talk to that would give you advice and I know you realized this halfway through our conversation when your eyes brightened but I am very glad that you came back to me. Do you remember what I said to you the first day we met? I remember the solemn expression when I said those words to you.

“In the future I see you losing someone you hold dear of unnatural causes. There will be no warning, they will simply be there and then gone like the wind.” 

If only I had known. 

Video 2: 

The second day we met was a week after our first encounter and you came to me with the clothes you borrowed washed but smelling so much like you they made my knees weak. You had also brought Gong Bao Chicken, the smell of the roasted peanuts and the sauce made my stomach growl and you laughed at my bashful expression. Our meal was full of soft stifled giggles, shy glances, and repressed smiles. I thought you would leave after we finished but to my surprise you stayed even after the table was cleared and the tea was long gone. You must have noticed my confusion because you looked at me and smiled so brightly my heart thrummed in my chest. 

“I left without thanking you the last time.” You stood so abruptly I must have looked like a deer caught in headlights. But you bowed a perfect ninety degree angle and it made me smile. 

“There is no need to thank me. You came for a psychic and I did my job.” When straightening you had a slight frown on your face and I wondered what I had said that was so wrong to you. 

“You did more than what I asked of you. You listened to me even though that was not in your job description and that is what I want to thank you for.” Your voice wavered and there was a light pink dusted upon your cheeks that was almost the color of your hair. I remember thinking was that all?

“There’s no need to thank me. I like helping people, even if they are strange men that bang on my door at six in the morning while a flood warning is flashing on the tv screen and they scare my cat.” It seemed Luna was listening because the moment I mentioned her she brushed up against your legs and I don’t think I’ve ever seen you laugh so hard. I wasn’t sure if it was what I said or the way Luna nuzzled into you or even the fact that the situation was a bit ridiculous. 

That day you asked me so many questions about my powers, how different psychic’s could help, when you could tell if they were fake or not, did I have any ties to spirits or witches or anything magical. I remember seeing the stars in your eyes as I answered every question, you listened so much more attentively than I remember anyone ever listening to me. In the middle of my explanation about crystal balls I raised my arm to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear and I saw the look in your eyes when you saw the tattooed sigil on my arm. You wanted to ask about it but I’m grateful that you decided to leave it up to me to decide if you were ready to hear the explanation or not.  

Luna curled up on your lap as soon as you sat down and she was fast asleep as the sun dwindled on the horizon, it was one of the most beautiful sunsets I got to watch with you in perfect comfortable silence. The only sounds being Luna’s soft purrs, the wind chimes hanging over my doorstep, and the train in the distance. I don’t know when I closed my eyes or when I laid my head on the table or when I drifted to sleep but I awoke with the blanket I kept on the couch draped around my shoulders and Luna licking my hand.

How long had you stayed that night? Did you watch over me?

Video 3:

The next time we met there was no intention from either of us. Of course I had a strong gut feeling that I would see you that day but it wasn’t my intention. I was content with the cute but timid cotton candy haired man that covered me in a blanket and told me his life story over tea that I got to meet. It had been nearly three months and I figured you’d forgotten who I was, but that gut feeling was spot on. You ran right into me and I almost didn’t recognize you because your hair was a pretty bleached blond color, you were so frazzled I don’t think you realized it was me that you ran into. The train whistled and that was the signal to get on before you had to wait an hour for the next one. I was on my way out of Beijing and I was sure that you had just gotten off the train into Beijing but then you quickly bowed and got on my train. I didn’t want it to seem like I was following so I went in a different car but again there you were not even three seats down from me with a pretty girl on your arm. She laughed at things you said that weren’t funny and I could tell that by the look in your eyes you weren’t comfortable with her. I had to hold my contempt for her back as you looked at me and smiled as if you’d found everything that was right in the universe. You quickly switched your seat to the one next to me and the feeling of relief that you felt washed over me too. 

For a while all we did was watch the trees pass by and enjoy the presence of one another, but then you dozed off on my shoulder. At first I was going to shake you awake but then I looked down at your bleached head bobbing and a warm feeling that started in my chest bloomed all over. So instead I tried to preoccupy myself with looking out the window again but as soon as I looked up I saw the woman that was flirting with you earlier staring intently at me with what I could only call envy, it felt good to know that this beautiful woman that was probably sought after by many men and women alike was looking at me like that. 

It was another thirty minutes before the train stopped at our destination and I gently shook you, you woke up instantly but you were groggy and blinked up at me with the most innocent expression. What kind of grown man makes that expression to a woman he barely knows unintentionally? Were you trying to make my heart explode? 

We got up and said our goodbyes on the train tracks with the pretty woman from before stuck to your side. You didn’t seem to notice her even when you turned and walked away dragging your briefcase with you. It probably wasn’t as funny as I thought it was giggling to myself and smiling so wide some people looked at me funny. 

Should I be ashamed of feeling that way? I always wanted to say it was because you didn’t really want to give her the time of day and she clearly didn’t care about what you wanted unless it was her. Maybe I’m being a bit much? It’s not like me to get so worked up but I hadn’t even formally met the woman and she already was proving to be a threat to me. Not because you liked her but because she liked you and she was entitled and always got what she wanted.

How do I know?

Because I’m a psychic.

Video 27: 

I'll remember this day for the rest of my life and even after. This was the day that Luna got lost, you remember that right? It was also the day my premonitions started.

 It was raining almost as hard as the day we first met-all our really important dates seem to be on rainy days, I wonder if we were ever to get married if it would also rain-and I was frantic. You almost hit me with your car, you got out to yell not even realizing it was me because this time I was drenched in nothing but my house clothes with no shoes or even a jacket over my shoulders. I was about two blocks away from my house on a quiet side street and if I had mind to I would've wondered why you drove your car down it. When you got out the car you looked at me through the pelting rain and instantly pulled me into a hug.. 

You were so warm and I felt so small in your arms. I remember you taking your trench coat off and putting it around me as if it could shelter me from the rain that was already seeping into my clothes and skin. You took me by surprise when you picked me up and sat me in the passenger seat of your car. You laid a warm kiss on my forehead and I was confused because you seemed so timid to me all other times I didn't think you really cared about my well being, or you did but just in a friendly sort of way. It was a short drive to my house not even three minutes long, you carried me inside sat me down in my bathroom and drew me a bath with ginger salts all without so much as a word. I don't remember when I started crying, if it was when I was out in the rain, when you embraced me, when you sat me in the car or even when you helped me into the bath. I was grateful for your gentleness and chastity as you turned when I started to shed my clothing.

 If it weren't for the strange but cute man with the pink hair which was bleach blond but now brown that shared his story with me whom I came to care deeply about I don't know where I would be or if I would even be alive right now. I wish I could thank you everyday for the bath and the heated towels and the warm tea that you made. Or for the company and compassion you showed as I cried on your shoulder with a hand clutched to my chest. You didn't show any pity or disgust but sympathy and I swear it was the tenderness with which you tucked me into my bed and promised me that you always be there for me that I swore I would love you until my last breath. I swore to myself that I would love you and hold you dear to my heart until my dying day. And I have not for a second had a thought of breaking this promise to myself. 

That night I had a dream that I was doing a math problem and when I finally finished the answer was a picture of Luna with x’s over her eyes and throat. When I awoke kicking and screaming and crying you didn’t seem the least bit surprised, you simply held me and again let me soak your shirt with tears. You started to sing to me some time after that and it was so beautiful. Your voice soothed my pain with every last intonation. I was in and out of consciousness the entire night and every single time I awoke you were there to offer solace and wipe at my tears with your thumbs. The next morning I awoke to the scent of ginger tea and bāozi. Padding into the kitchen I could tell by the way they looked that the steamed buns were stuffed with something sweet. I thanked you as you handed me a cup of hot tea and pulled a chair out for me to sit in just so you could push it in for me. I couldn’t bring myself to tell you about all the nightmares I had but I knew that you knew and I suppose I was okay with that. 

Video 38: 

The day that Luna returned to us was dark and gloomy as most days we met and the clouds were swollen with water that they were more than willing to shed. You’d spent every night with me since Luna got lost and I was just starting to get over the pain of losing my best friend. There was a strong wind and it made my wind chimes rattle against the door, it was so forceful that you thought someone was knocking adamantly so you went to answer it. I will never forget the look that was a mixture of fear, anguish, and confusion when you turned to look back at me with a box no larger than one made for shoes that was stained black and you had the black substance all over your hands and you quickly flung the box away from your body to slam the door shut so hard the walls shook and some of my talismans fell. 

I stood up to cross the room despite your many protests because you looked so much like a deer caught in headlights and I wanted so badly to understand and ease the pain. Little did I know that the black substance on you wasn’t really black but was a deep red, looking at you with your hands covered in it made my heart leap into my throat. I knew opening the door despite your protests would only bring me immense pain but I knew it was Luna and I knew I needed to face this. I was not ready for what I saw. 

The box was soaked in blood and Luna’s corpse was in a heap exposed from the force with which you flung it away. There was so much blood and I know I screamed and you tried to pull me back into my house, back into your arms for shelter but I felt the stickiness of her blood on your hands as you grabbed my arms and I panicked. Who would do such a thing? I remembered thinking over and over again as I hit the ground and foolishly crawled to her. I wanted to pick her up but there were maggots all over her and I choked at the smell. You again tried to pull me into your arms but I pushed at you so you sat next to me and let me sob on my porch in the middle of the day with the rain pouring down on us. It was so hard and thick it came down like a white sheet and I couldn’t see anything else in front of me except for Luna. It seemed this was my punishment for something I did in a past life because all I could do was stare at her as the maggots wormed their way through her once thick and shiny black fur that was now thin and greyish as well as the hole in her neck. Someone had intentionally stolen my cat and returned her to me dead and decaying. 

Video 52;

This was the day we had our first official date, do you remember? Well I suppose it wasn’t really official because when I got to the fancy restaurant there you stood with that pretty woman on your arm wearing a dazzling red dress that made me feel so boring in my blue one with matching suede shoes, she even curled her hair loosely and drew on pretty eyeliner to enhance her monolids and cherry red lip gloss- not lipstick- to bring out the paleness of her face; but it still made me feel giddy and my heart soared because I felt as if we became distant lately.

 In reality it seemed as though I was third wheeling as you and the woman whose name was Sunei pronounced as Sunny but spelt S-u-n-e-i she made this very clear to everyone especially our poor waitress. The two of you laughed and chatted while I sipped on my glass of water with shaking hands and smiled sheepishly. The countless times our waitress came to our table she always gave me a sympathetic look as if I were the one being wronged and I suppose in a way I was. I guess she could see from wherever she was that my feet and legs were constantly being kicked and stomped on by Sunei, the one time you got up to use the bathroom she looked like she was about to reach across the table and smack me. I’m sure the defiant look in my eyes was enough to make her do so but there the waitress was again, she stayed and spoke to me until you came back and then she flitted away. Thinking back on it I wish I kept in touch with her, she was so gracious to me that night.

I was surprised when you sat down and started asking me questions, I was okay with little to no attention but when you turned your eyes to me it felt like every single prying eye in the restaurant was on me and it made my palms a bit sweaty. 

“...I think it looks nice! Personally it's one of my favorite paintings a client of ours has ever submitted. What do you think? We aren't supposed to share these things until the gallery is open but I think you'll appreciate it.” You turned your phone to me and I swear my heart stopped beating when I first laid eyes on that magnificent painting. I was speechless at how someone could make something so elaborate yet abstract, so beautiful but so terribly sad. 

“Why would you show it to them Luhan ?! You'd risk your job and for wh-” 

“I think that's quite enough Ms. Xiu. And that's Mr. Xiao to you we're business partners yes, but not much more than that.” Sunei drew back and I almost felt bad for her.

The rest of dinner was quiet and rather stifling if you ask me but you graciously paid for all of us and you opened the car door for me asking me to wait, that it would only be a moment. 

*** 

“Do you love me?” you whispered it upon my lips on my doorstep after a very long night. Never before had I been uncomfortable under your gaze but there you were looking at me intently and I felt as though I was being stripped naked and pinned on a bulletin board for everyone to see. It was hot and my skin itched but not the kind that scratching would get rid of. My throat closed and I wanted to leave, I wanted to get up and flee. But where to? I had nowhere to go if it wasn't with you. And then you smiled at me , a real genuine smile and I felt the entire world crashing on my shoulders. 

 “It's okay, you don't need to answer.” 

It wasn't really ok though. 

That night I had a dream of you and I. We were on a vacation on some desolate island and we took a walk. We hadn’t exchanged any words but we walked along the path you leading the way and I followed quickly behind defeated like a dog with it’s tail tucked between its legs.

[i-am-arcana-trash]

A look at Laurel and Julien's relationship during the plauge.

Pronouns: She/Her

Content warning: mention of death, sickness. Some cursing.

*inspired by a video I saw of a fan made scene by a channel called Ethren- they are really good!*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The levels of sick and dying patients at Julien Devorak's clinic were growing exponentially by the day.

Laurel was tasked with alerting families to loved ones conditions. The news was never good. Most nights she fell asleep sobbing, if she was lucky enough to sleep. Her empathic nature absorbing all the stress that hung thick in the air.

Julien knew this. The first time he walked by her cot at the back of the clinic and found her shoulders heaving with contained sobs, he knew this work was going to leave her with emotional scars if not physical ones.

Over the weeks since she had begun as his apprentice. He watched her unique way of dealing with patients. None of the rash and rushed medicine he employed on the battlefield. Despite how many people were coming into the clinic dying. She at the very least kept the panic to a minimum. He assumed this had to do with her magic. He'd seen her use it a handful of times, mostly for those who would be making the journey to the Lazeret. A pink glow from her hands, the patients shaking and coughing would ease.

Julien finally decided to ask her about it, "what exactly do you do when they are leaving for the Lazeret?"

She gazes over her shoulder looking at him thoughtfully, "I.....it's hard to explain for someone who doesn't understand magic, but....a simplified explanation is.....' she pauses, obviously not sure how to proceed. 'I essentially grant them some of my aura, it's not much, in exchange I take on some of theirs, the effect puts their minds at ease though their bodies are still dying."

Her shoulders slump a little as she returns to organizing the leeches. The soft clinking of glasses fills the silence, Julien's quill hovering over the chart his mind posing another question.

"How.....how does that effect you?"

The clinking stops, he hears the leather of her gloves as she balls her hands into fists and releases them several times.

Laurel turns fully to face him, removing her gloves, her hands lacing behind her head leaning back on the counter.

She fixes him with an unreadable look, her eyes glistening.

'There is always fear and pain.....sometimes, especially recently with how many more people are getting sick...I....I hear their voices at night, moaning, screaming....'

She hugs her arms around herself, eyes clenching shut. Julien remembers she had seen a boat of sick to the docks that afternoon. It was one of the largest they had dealt with.

Julien had left his desk, charts forgotten.

"Are you hearing them now.....?" He reaches a hand out timidly, before she collapses forward into his chest. Her breathing is shallow. "So many voices...."

Julien wraps an arm around her shoulder guiding her to the small back room that served as a kitchen and additional office space. He guided her to a chair and began puttering around the space, boiling water for tea.

Laurel slumped against the table, head rested on her forearms, focusing on her breathing to drown out the voices.

Feeling a hand on her shoulder, she turned to the steaming cup Julien set in front of her.

She sat up and took the cup in her hands, letting the tea warm up her palms. Julien watched her, having already finished his coffee.

Taking a few small sips, she set the cup down and held out a hand to Julien, he didn't need her to speak to understood what she wanted.

He scooted his chair a little closer to hers and presented his hand to her. She grasped it, lacing her fingers together with his, the two sitting in silence for a long while.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Julien blew out the last candle in their shared bedroom. Laurel had her back to him, on her cot, facing the wall. Stopping at the door, Julien looks back at her, watching her breath, it appears stable and unlabored. Unbeknownst to him, Laurel watches his shadow on the wall in front of her, holding her breath.

Finally, he shuts the door returning to the office to finish his charts.

Laurel releases her breath, a lump in her throat as the voices shout in her head.

'I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry.....' she murmurs to the room. Her heart thunders in her ears as she attempts to push the voices away. She had been sensing it for a while but she could feel far into her gut that something wasn't right.

Pushing off the covers she padded to the wash basin in the corner, flicking on a single candle. Pulling back her lips she checked her gums, inspected her eyes, and pulled off her sleep shirt to search her skin. Inspecting for the tell tale beginning signs of the plague.

While nothing physically appeared wrong she knew that her exchange of auras with plague victims would eventually catch up to her. She had conveniently left out that little detail to Julien, he'd tell her to stop but her magic could do little for plague victims except ease their suffering before that final journey.

The sound of boots onvhard floors broke her thoughts and she shrugged back on her sleep shirt before Julien opened the door. Seeing her up he rushed over holding her head in his hands, inspecting her face. He gently strokes the grey bags under her eyes and grins at her "You should get some rest, you're starting to look like me."

She can't help but smile. They didn't do it very often, there wasn't much to smile about these days.

She meets his gaze before speaking "Pull your cot near mine...?" She was itching for physical touch. Sometimes after hard days, like when they had lost children especially during the first days of the death, they would push their cots together, and lay facing each other holding hands.

Sometimes they talked, other times they would simply lay there in silence, thumbs stroking the others hand.

Julien placed a hand on her head, the short hairs tickling his palm and he nodded.

After washing up he moves his cot next to hers. Laurel faces him as he pulls under the covers. Eventually they fall asleep, fingers intertwined.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Julien wakes to a rapid knocking on the door of the clinic, it isn't even dawn yet, the sky barely turning from black to dark blue. He rubs his eyes and gets up, surprised to see a palace guard at his door.

"Dr. Devorak?"

"...yes...?"

" We are searching for any and all able bodied doctors and healers, please come with us immediately"

Julien stares at the guard before speaking "I have a clinic to run, I can't just drop it for the palace, I have patients who see me"

"Doctor if you don't come with us, there may not be any more patients to see"

Julien's blood runs cold for a moment. He knew the death was increasing, there were almost constant runs of ships to the Lazeret. But he couldn't leave the clinic.

"Doctor..?" He turns to find Laurel standing behind him, eyeing the guard.

"They are telling me to go to the palace, but I can't leave the clinic when things are getting worse" and I can't leave you alone, he thought to himself.

"I'll be okay....I can handle the clinic, they may have resources that can help us, you know the leeches aren't doing much but scaring people."

He never doubted in his mind that his apprentice could handle it. However he was far more concerned for her well being, considering everything she told him yesterday.

After what felt like hours to him, though in reality it was probably closer to a few minutes, he nods at the guard "Give me 5 minutes" before shutting the door.

He strides back to the bedroom, quickly dressing and packing a few meager belongings, he had no idea how long he would be gone.

Laurel hovers in the room, gently gnawing at her bottom lip as he finishes packing.

As they make their way back to the front door, Julien turns to her, digging out a ring of keys.

"These should work for all the doors, sorry I never got around to making you a set."

Laurel nods and holds his hand before setting the key ring down and sticks her hand out to Julien.

Julien grasps it before pulling her into his chest, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and pressing his cheek into the short stubble on his cheek, breathing in her warm scent.

"Please be safe Laurel, don't....don't make reckless decisions"

He feels her shift slightly as he gazes down his nose at her face.

"I wouldn't dare steal your thunder.....Ilya....." Julien sucks in a breath with his old name and he's drawn back to the first time she called him that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the early weeks of their time together, the two used to get dinner at the Raven. Julien almost always ended up a little to tipsy and Laurel was tasked with getting her lush of a master back to the clinic and in bed so he could sleep of his impending hangover.

On that particular night, it had been raining. Laurel had successfully gotten them home, though the two were soaked to the bone.

She was helping him undress her hands making quick work of his wet clothes. At the distance she stood from him, he noticed the goosebumps on her skin from the cool room air, he noticed even more freckles around her nose, barely noticeable unless you really looked. A few stray drops of rain hung to her lashes which were deceptively long.

In his drunken state his confidence was at it's maximum and he placed his bare hand on the back of her neck, at the edge of her shaved hairline. He felt her tense and suck in a breathe, her cheeks taking on a pretty red color. He'd never seen her blush. He liked it and wondered if he could make her do it more.

Dipping his head down he place a hungry clumsy kiss on her lips, his other arm sliding around her waist as her hands were pressed flush to his chest.

It took Laurel several moments to register that Julien, was in fact kissing her, and for a moment she melted into his touch before she remembered his drunken state and gently pushed away. "You shouldn't make rash decisions you'll regret later" she gently scolds

Julien whined at the loss of contact, "let me....please I...I.... I'll do anything for you"

Laurel threw up an eyebrow at him skeptical.

On cue Julien responded. "Drunk mouths speak sober thoughts.....and can do other things....." His tone is thick with want and while Laurel can't deny having had a few spicy dreams about such an encounter, but drunk Julien was in no place to consent to such actions.

But perhaps she can convince him to lay down. She gently pushed him flat on the bed and straddled his waist, her outfit still slightly damp and he shuttered slightly at the contact through his thin sleep shirt. Placing a hand on either side of his head she leaned down, breath tickling his mouth.

"You said you would do anything for me right.....Ilya?" Julien almost smacked his forehead to hers from shock, his heart was a mess, beating wildly, so few people knew his real name and hearing her speak it drove him nuts.

"Yes, please, Laurel....whatever you want I'll give it to you, what can I do." Laurel smirks and for a moment he thinks she'll finally touch him, but instead she gently brushes his hair out of his eye and firmly states "Stay in bed and get some rest"

She removes herself from his lap, and Julien lashes out to grab her hand. "Wait....please....I...." Julien was at a loss for words which was unlike him. Laurel kneeled to look into his eyes before speaking.

"How about I pull my cot over....I stay close.....but you need to stay in bed...or else I'm going back to the wall."

Julien nodded and rolled to his stomach to watch Laurel get ready for bed. In the firelight her skin looked golden.

When she finally laid down, Julien was passed out. Laurel soon joined him in slumber.

The next morning Julien awoke first, to find his apprentice tucked in under the covers, breathing slowly with sleep. Despite his hangover he desperately needed her to know that everything he said last night was real.

Upon hearing him stir, she also awoke. Julien wasted no time, he wanted nothing more that to fulfill her needs and wants.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Julien is disturbed by knocking again, returning to the present.

"I guess I gotta go...." He murmured.

"Try not to cause a ruckus at the Palace, try to keep those gangly limbs under control."

Julien flashed her a smirk "You know ruckus is my middle name"

She grins and laughs, covering her mouth, a weird gesture Julien noted. Another knock and Julien is standing in the doorway flanked on either side by guards.

He turns one more time to face her. "Please take care Laurel, I'll.....I'll see you soon."

And with that the door of the clinic shuts, the sounds of a carriage and hooves disappears into the morning air.

Laurel coughs and grimaces, blood splattered all over her hand.

Her gums were bleeding and her sclera was already turning red.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

4 days was all it took for Laurel to be taken to the Lazeret. News traveled fast and the 4th day of the clinic not being open, everyone knew she was either dead or would be soon.

She was brought to the docks by the Lazeret helmsmen, and began her journey to the island of death. Mustering up what little energy she had left she turned to gaze at the palace one last time, knowing Julien was in there......she hoped he'd forgive her for not saying goodbye.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On the 5th day at the palace, Julien had overheard that his clinic had been dark for 5 days. No patients, his apprentice appeared gone.

The the night Julien snuck out of the palace and ran to the clinic. Breath haggard as he stopped at the clinic door, a cry trapped in his throat.

A large red X covered it, the signs that there was no one home, all inside had succumbed to the Red Death. Julien wretched the door open stumbling inside, it was the same inside, aside from his missing apprentice.

Julien spotted the dried blood on her pillow before he heaved his lunch all over the clinic hallway. Wiping his mouth he rushed back to the night.

At the docks there was a transport ready to leave. Julien stumbled as he ran to the docks edge "LAUREL.... LAUREL, LAUREL IM HERE, WHERE ARE YOU....LAUREL!"

His voice became more harsh and rose to desperate levels in an attempt to locate her....but she wasn't there.

"She gone, mate"

Julien twisted around to face the voice, one of the men tasked with the horrifying job if transporting the dying to the I spoke again.

"She left yesterday morning, delirious. Calling out for Julien, I'm assuming that's you."

Everything falls away, before he collapses completely, dry heaving and screaming until his throat burns.

It takes 5 men to pull him away from the dock.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Laurel could have laughed, she was in the cremetorium of the Lazaret, still alive, though barely.

She hated the heat, how terrible she mused with the last of her strength that fire and heat would guide her to the next life.

She hears the door lock and focuses on her breathing....as the oven heats up, she bites a scream and thinks back to Julien, to their last moments together.

Soon there is nothing but screams, the smell of fire and the darkness of death.

[ironstrange-is-the-endgame]

Kidnapped

Whumptober, day 7

tw: canon-typical violence, graphic description of violence, blood

The last thing in the world Stephen expected was a phone call from Peter Parker. Not because he didn’t get along with the kid, quite the opposite, but because usually Spider-Man swung in with a happy smile on his face and spoke with Stephen about his day, school, and Aunt May every couple of days, when he was not interning at the Stark Industries.

Since Strange started to date Tony, the kid and his aunt started to be steady presences in his life too. May was more delicate, never stepping boundaries and always showing up with some threat - and even if whatever she cooked was absolutely terrible, Stephen noted that Wong seemed to enjoy it, maybe it was that famous Sorcerers’ diet Stephen’s body didn’t need still, or maybe the very same reason why May didn’t seem so sad the last time Stephen had to leave the Sanctum, not that he cared, though; while Peter was a little hurricane eager to know new things and do it by touching them. Which was the reason why, at the end of the day, a call from him was weird as fuck.

“It’s Stephen,” He answered, instead of the formal ‘Doctor Stephen Strange’, but, again, it was the kid so no need to be formal. “What’s wrong?”

“Mr Doctor, sir,” Peter’s voice has something wrong, though Stephen decided to let him speak before questioning him about that: if he knew the teen week enough, he would explain himself soon. “I was wondering… Doesn’t happen that Mr Stark maybe is at the Sanctum?”

“No, I’ll meet with Tony after your lab session,” It was a weird question, truth to be told, but maybe Peter was in dire of help. “There’s something I can do for you?”

“It’s just… Happy didn’t hear from him since last night and Friday told me he didn’t come back, so…”

Stephen would have paid for every other answer from him. Even a stupid one about how he would look great in the Cloak and how cool the name Spider Supreme was. Everything was better than those words: “Tony didn’t come back.”

They were together, the previous night. They had a nice dinner and a very, very nice dessert at the Sanctum and them Stephen suggested to portal him to the Tower but Tony insisted to drive. “Did you try to call Nat or Rhodey?”

“Yes, and yes,” Peter’s voice was worried, even more now that he knew Tony wasn’t at Stephen’s. “Mrs Romanoff told me she last saw him yesterday for the afternoon at the meeting, while Colonel Rhodes is on a mission with Captain Danvers. I also called Doctor Banner but…”

“He and Christine are out of the country, I know,” Stephen said, trying to think who he could call. “I could track him but you know…”

Tony still loathed magic. It didn’t matter that he dated a sorcerer, he couldn’t stand the idea of magic and location spells were more invasive than people were willing to admit. Stephen loved Stark too much to do something like that. “What if - I don’t even know.”

Peter was panicking, and Stephen couldn’t blame him. But Tony was a grown man, and he could do whatever he wanted to. “He probably had to go abroad and forgot to tell it to anyone, Pete.”

Stephen didn’t really believe that, though it was better than any other option which crossed his mind.

—

Tony Stark was declared missed one week later, and by now not even Stephen could keep his darkest fears away. At first, it thought that Tony decided he needed a little bit of peace but when he used to do that, he sent something from whatever he was to let them know he was ok. Not that happened frequently since they started to date, but it did after some bad arguments. And, usually, it lasted for a couple of days before Tony texted Stephen to reach him, and the did a lot of make-up sex.

That time was different, Stephen could feel it. And despite hating to voice it, when Wong suggested him to go to the police, Strange took the advice immediately. Actually, the policeman who found himself facing Doctor Strange and a teen telling him Tony Stark went missing looked like someone made him the worst joke ever. It didn’t matter, that wasn’t their only way to look for him they had but was more.

—

Friday went off-line one week and two days after any of them had last seen Tony. Rhodey was the one who awknowdeleged it. He was running through Tony’s last fly paths both with the suit and with his jet when the AI simply stopped to work and any attempt to restart her went in the blue.

Even Shuri tried to re-upload her from remote but there were few things she could do, she said to them.

“Whatever Tony is doing, is bigger than we all thought,” She said, looking almost defeated from her own holographic projection. The problem was that Stephen wasn’t sure there was Tony behind all of this. Whatever it was.

—

The world knew about it three weeks after Stark’s disappearing, when Steve and Bucky rescheduled their wedding. Captain America said that he wasn’t going to getting married until all his family was back, and Tony Stark was part of the said family.

Maybe he hoped that would have brought him back, though Stephen knew better. By now, he was sure that if his boyfriend could go back he would have done that long time ago.

—

The day after they went public with Tony being missing, Peter called him again. By now, there was no news: the kid called him to be updated about Stark or just vent when he needed it, and Stephen was there to help him as far as he could.

“Hey, kiddo,” He answered, trying to sound casual. In the end, he gave up and used magic to track Tony down, with the only conclusion of facing the dread truth: either Tony wasn’t on Earth, or he shielded himself from magic. “How are you?”

“Stephen…” If he didn’t call him ‘Mr Doctor’ or ‘Doctor Dad’ it meant it was serious. “Can you please portal there?”

“Sure, where are you?” Stephen asked he could sense the urgency in Peter’s voice.

“Home, please, hurry up.”

Stephen took his sliding ring and started to open a portal. “Is May all right? Do you need medical assistance?”

“Yes, and no, just… It’s easier if…” The moment Stephen stepped outside from the portal, he found himself facing both the Parkers and he slightly calmed down seeing that May was, indeed, fine. Just very, very pale and visibly shocked. Peter looked the same but he was holding something in his hands apart from his mobile. When he saw him, the boy stood up and hugged the sorcerer. “Stephen… You are here… I… Someone… Mr Stark.”

Stephen caressed Spider-Man’s brown hair looking at him a moment later. “Yes, of course, I’m here, you called me,” He said, receiving a small smile from May. He knew she tried all she could to help Peter with the superhero thing, but she was glad he had Tony in his life for that, and she told him she was glad that Stephen was looking after her boy as well. “What’s wrong?”

“I found this in the daily mails,” May answered. Peter frozen in the hug, and was now holding Stephen’s as if his own life depended on that, the sorcerer didn’t care. He entangled his hand from Peter’s curly hair and took the sheet May was handling at him. It was blank, with just a website printed on it and two words: Tony Stark.

“Did you…?” Stephen asked, and Peter showed him his mobile phone. Thanking a god in which Stephen didn’t believe, the quality of the video was crappy because the man bonded in chains to the chair in the middle of an empty dim lighted room was Tony Stark.

Around him, there were men with dark military gears and dark masks on their faces. One was keeping a gun pressed against Tony’s temple, the other was in front of the genius, asking him something - the video didn’t have audio and they were too far from Stephen to read Tony’s labial while the man’s lips were covered by the mask - and hitting him everytime no answer came from Stark. Stephen’s hands were shaking so violently that he was afraid he would let the phone fall. Though he couldn’t help himself to watch, hoping to find some detail that may suggest him where Tony was.

He had no idea how long it went, but the man with the gun at some point turned to the camera and said something to his companion. By now, Tony was more passed away than conscious. The man with the gun did something because then audio came from Peter’s mobile.

“Doctor Strange, I suppose, or maybe young Peter,” The man said and Stephen shivered. They could see if someone was online. Which meant it was really a live stream. And, somehow, that was good news at least because it meant that Tony was still alive. “We will release Tony Stark once we will have the SHIELD secrets he kept from himself.”

Both Peter and May dumbfounded and Stephen was sure the wear a matching expression. He had no idea about what the man was speaking. He knew of the downfall of the SHIELD, of course, like everyone else, probably, but he couldn’t see why Tony should keep something from himself. Stephen wanted to look at Tony but the man’s silhouette was covering everything else and he wanted just to throw up right there and now. The man didn’t add anything and covered the camera. Stephen looked at Peter and knew he was as pale as the kid.

“Call Nat, she can help us hacking the site and we may know from where they are streaming,” Stephen said tracing runes with the point of his hands on the sheet. Maybe there was a track of it as well.

—

It was Afghanistan all over again, that was what Rhodey told him, looking at the screen of his own StarkPad. With the only difference that back in the day they knew what the kidnappers wanted.

Stephen has always been the best working under pressure but he couldn’t think right now. Not with the image of Tony in front of his eyes even if he wasn’t looking at the screen.

Natasha was trying to track the signal, but whoever those people were, were fairly equipped to protect themselves and the fact that magic couldn’t help was another proof of that.

“They took down Karen too,” Peter said, walking into the room. Nat was speaking with Maria Hill, trying to understand if she knew something about those files. Steve and Bucky were looming in the corner, more men of action, Sam was trying to find some background sound from the video, but without Friday it was all pointless.

“Probably because if Tony can use her to track you, it works both ways,” Rhodey suggested.

Stephen was trying to think about what he could do, though the room was too loud and everything that came in his mind every time he dared to think about Tony was his bloody face. Rhodey closed the video after one of the men kicked the genius on the floor but in Strange’s mind that scene evolved and grew worse.

He almost punched Captain America when Steve approached him.

“We will find Tony,” He said. The two of them had never spoken, not for things which didn’t concern missions or Wanda’s well being in Kamar-Taj, so everything Stephen did was nodding at the man who tried a smile before going back at his fiancé’s side.

—

It took them four days of no-stop searching before some progress had been made. Stephen was physically exhausted and more than once Peter and May tried to force him to sleep until Wong grew annoyed and dared to drug his tea if he didn’t get some rest.

And he was kind of sleeping, or better his body was resting while his astral projection was trying to find Tony’s aura which was still shining in all those wonderful colours - the thing calmed him only slightly: it just meant that Tony was alive -, when Peter’s mask went on and Karen’s voice filled the Compound. Apparently, Ned and Shuri successfully hacked into Spider-Man’s AI and bring her back online.

Stephen didn’t even care to go back in his physical body and all but rushed in the Tower main room. At some point, during one of their numerous brainstorming, Pepper suggested running through Stark Industries employers because the only way someone could hack Friday was being in touch with the AI and Tony kept her running also for the R&D teams. Stephen didn’t lose a second to look at the information which appeared on the screen connected to Karen. He rushed back in his body and opened a portal to the closest location he knew from the man’s address.

Stephen has sworn an oath. That was what he was repeating to himself while he climbed two steps at the time of the building where the suspect lived. He swore not to take lives. He never killed, just once and it was because his own life depended on it, and the sorcerer still felt guilty about that. He sworn not to cause pain in others, he sworn to do everything in his power to protect lives.

He swore those very same things when he became Sorcerer Supreme, though he wasn’t protecting just lives but the entire multiverse. He has sworn those things to Tony too, holding the man between his arms. And he kept swearing that every night Tony woke up after a nightmare.

But he broke those oaths. He choose between lives when he was a surgeon, he harmed nobody but he could have taken more risks, save more people, he broke the laws of nature, back in Hong Kong, and now he let someone take Tony. He wasn’t able to protect him. So, now, all that Stephen Strange wanted was revenge. What he didn’t expect reaching the seventh floor of the building, though, was facing Peter, Rhodey and Clint outside the suspect’s apartment. “What?” He asked.

“I heard Karen’s message too, and she called Peter probably. Nat, Steve and Bucky are on the main entrance, Wanda, Shuri and Bruce on the back,” Clint explained to him, a cocky smile on his face. “We are a team, Doc, we do not avenge by our owns. Now, if you mind, we should knock the door.”

Which meant shooting an explosive arrow without warning, apparently. The point was, Stephen couldn’t think straight or he would have waited for back-ups. According to Karen, whoever the man was, he was a made up identity and he was probably a former Hydra agent went in the dark after Natasha exposure of SHIELD’s files.

How he passed Stark Industries background controls what a mystery, but he most definitely didn’t work on his own.

The apartment was empty and after having checked with the outside teams who reached them inside, it was clear that the man didn’t leave the building after their arrival. “He probably left when they took Tony, but it was worth a shot,” Nat said searching for something between the man’s stuff.

“Wait, that’s Tony’s, isn’t it?” Clint came out from the bedroom with a SarkPhone. “It must be his at least our friend hacked into Tony’s private server.”

Tony’s screensaver was, indeed, a very private picture the genius saved from one of the multiples videos he had Friday recorder. In that one, a six-armed Stephen was stripping Tony off of his clothes holding his hands above his head. None of them was naked, though it was clear how it would have ended. Stephen had no idea that photo even existed and he would have been more flattered in any other occasion.

“We couldn’t track his mobile, which means whatever they are using to shield both tech and magic must be close,” The sorcerer said, taking the mobile from Clint’s hands.

“We can search in the other buildings around there,” Bucky suggested. “Rhodey and Pete can use the thermal view, to shield that is harder.”

They divided again. The area wasn’t so close but, at least, it was smaller than the entire world, or space as he feared at first. Though, what was driving him crazy was that he had seen how Tony had been tortured. They couldn’t fail. If the man went back in the apartment and realized the phone was missing before they found Tony, he was gone, for good.

Searching for Tony’s aura, Stephen could almost say how close he was to his beloved boyfriend. It wasn’t as precise as a location spell or a GPS position but it could work as in he was on the right path. Which was how he found himself rushing the moment Peter’s voice reached him from the roofs: “Doc, six different sources of heat in the building in front of you.”

Too few for being an apartment complex, too many for being a casualty. He nodded. “Get it, alert the others.”

And before Peter could say something, the Cloak lifted him and Stephen was on the building roof.

—

One month, three weeks, four days and ten hours. That had been the last time Stephen had seen Tony. And all that time he had been in New York, in the hands of some psycho former Hydra agent. And Stephen thought the man just wanted to broke up with him and didn’t know how to say it. He had been terribly stupid, and if Tony would have broken up with him after that, he could understand.

But Stephen didn’t care. He only wanted to see the love of his life breathing. That was the only thing that mattered.

One month, three weeks, four days and ten hours. And Stephen was rushing down the stairs, entering from the emergency stair into what looked like an abandoned factory, the Cloak on his shoulders flipping to a nonexistent wind.

Peter told him there were six heat sources inside the building. Five enemies, between him and Tony. He didn’t even care about being silent, at this point, while he rapidly summoned two orange shields shining in the otherwise pitch-black building. The first bullet melted against them, the Cloak was on the man in an eyebeat, dragging him down from his sniper position. Stephen didn’t even stop when he heard the deaf sound of a body against the concrete.

Other two men were on him the moment he walked in the dim-lighted room. It was probably the one from the videos, and Stephen tried not to think about the fact that the floor was bloody red. The sorcerer knocked one of the men out and used his magical ropes to tie the other. His hands were shaking and hurting, but Stephen didn’t care.

One month, three weeks, four days and ten hours. And only two other men between him and Tony. Without thinking about the amount of blood Tony had possibly lost and about the other men who might have reached the building - he doubted that if they were Hydra there were just five agents guarding Tony Stark, it didn’t matter how advanced their technology seemed to be - he followed the bloody footsteps into another room. This was larger, but Stephen didn’t mind to look at it because Tony was there, probably passed out seeing how he was lying on the floor, and no, Stephen refused either to believe or think that he might have been dead, also because it was clear that they wanted him alive.

“Tony,” He said, rushing toward the unresponsive body. He was breathing, though, and that helped Stephen to control his own respiration. “I’m here, I’m here…” He whispered, holding his boyfriend’s body between his arms. He could hear footsteps at his back and he imagined those belonged to the kidnappers who wanted to attack him while he couldn’t protect himself but he didn’t care. He was there, with Tony, and he was alive, the other Avengers were arriving so he just had to protect him, didn’t matter if they try to kill Stephen instead. And then, a red shield rose in front of his eyes and he was sure that it belonged to Wanda.

“We have this under control, Doctor,” Steve said, and Stephen didn’t even notice they entered the building. “Bring him home.”

Stephen didn’t wait for them to have second thoughts and portalled Tony to the Sanctum.

—

Stephen took care of Tony thanks both to his own magic and his studies. He didn’t want anyone to get close to the genius without him being in the room but for Peter and Rhodey and didn’t sleep in the two days Tony slept.

When he woke, Stephen wasn’t in the room, but he could hear the fretted breathing of his boyfriend. It took some minutes for Tony to realize he was safe in the Sanctum and he stopped to shake only when he saw Stephen walking inside the room. “Steph…” He let out, and Stephen’s lips curled in a smile.

“I’m sorry,” Stephen whispered his hands softly on Tony’s face still marked with bruises. “I should have realized before you didn’t run away, I should have…”

“It’s not your fault, babe,” Tony’s voice was weak, raw because of his sore throat. Stephen let a glass of water appeared in his hands, placing it on the duvet between them because he knew Tony hated when people handled things at him. Tony drank without opposing. “I love you.”

“Love you, too,” Stephen pushed softly his lips against Tony’s, and they stayed like this for some minutes before the genius tried to stand up. Only to meet Stephen’s stoniest expression. “You are not going to leave anytime soon, Mr Stark, you are officially my prisoner until you will have rest and all those bruises will have fade.”

And maybe it was too soon to joke about Stephen kidnapping him, but Tony laughed anyways.

[marvolord]

I’ve put your submitted post under the read more, so it will be easier to read on here

and to reply to your text, you would be surprised if you knew how common it is that those who committed a crime offer themselves as witnesses etc in order to a) keep up with the status of the investigation, b) to seem not guilty. So that is no indication of whether Lee Seunghyun is guilty or not

just because the Police does not state what they have found is also no indication on whether he is giulty or not, I am personally unfamiliar with the police stating step by step what evidence they have and who their suspects are, which would also be not very intelligent since this is a crime ring we are talking about with political figures as well as a police chief involved.

there seemed to have been misinformation yes, but let’s not stop believeing the media altogether. you seem to distrust the news and have also linked the girl that offered top a joint to the situation which in all honesty borders on a conspiracy theory, we have to believe someone or we will misinterpret everything until we see it the way we want

Lee Seunghyun’s lawyer said they had given an interview to a press media but did not specify which one, which is odd in my opinion

also, Lee Seunghyun’s explanation to the ‘police chief’ comments in the chat (which were real) was that they had been simply bluffing and he lied about all the money. And that right there could easily be a self-serving declaration, which is a) allowed in court, b) common. and please note that he was aware and part  of the chats otherwise such a statement would not make sense.

And anon, that was in no way a normal way to talk about those women, it is not normal to look for a nice woman who you then treat like a sister that is complete Bullshit

and to be honest your last 2 sentences sum it all up: that was your opinion, no proof whatsoever. It is an ongoing investigation and that the police is not openly sharing their evidence is normal. The other guys who were ‘found guilty’ actually admitted their crimes.

Hello, different anon. I just saw the masterlist you just reblogged and I wanted to inform you that it is actually full of inaccuracies and miss many things.

I have been following the case very closely on twitter so I want to correct what that post is reporting wrongly and missing.

I have to submit this as a post because it will be long.

First of all, Mr Kim. Kim Sang Kyo

He indeed claimed that he was trying to protect a woman from being sexual assaulted and that for that he was beaten by the security/police (the reports vary on this point) but actually it came out later that the guy was indeed an assaulter himself as claimed by four women.

(Also, one of the many screenshot that were around showed mr Kim talking with BS CEO and saying “I will take you down using Seungri’s name.” Keep that in mind for it will be relevant later)

Here is the petition to investigate him: https://t.co/ecEhmGmKhs

The video of the girl “being pulled away for being assaulted by security” was actually a video of a female costumer that was drunk and was causing problem in the local, stealing drinks from other tables and bothering other people. Security had to bring her out forcefully as she didn’t want to leave and while doing that she broke a computer.

She acknowledged the fact and confirmed that she was very drunk and causing problems and apologized in an instagram post for her behavior.

Seungri was never a suspect in the first place, he went to the police station for answering questions to help police dig into the situation and to submit samples for the drug test that came out negative.

YG shredding documents was just a regular thing that happens every month/every two months. Noone was trying to cover proofs, it was just regular business. Also, the police never found links between YG and what happened in BS so they didn’t see why this became an issue.

Seungri was made a suspect on his own request, so to accelerate the investigations.

Now the chats.

There are different chats.

Seungri’s and JJY’s.

First thing to clarify is that Seungri WASN’T in the chat where JJY shared his illegal videos of women. Police never confirmed it as they said yesterday 21/03/19 (https://twitter.com/RiTaeDaeGTOP/status/1108668237607329792). It was all a baseless rumor and fruit of manipulation of the screenshot by SBS (that already confirmed to have been manipulated other screenshots to make them look like group chat when actually were 1:1 chat.)

The police confirmed the EXISTENCE of the group chats and so that they weren’t fabricated, meaning the people in them indeed talked but never confirmed that the messages in them were as the screenshots showed.

New informations were retrieved from JJY’s phone and after that he admitted to have shared the videos and other people in the chat admitted to have seen them so everyone just assumed that the messages were indeed as showed by various reporters.

But, as I said, the Police never confirmed Seungri’s presence in the chat with the molka videos.

Seungri’s chats that were around accused him only of prostitution. That’s what he has been charged of with the alleged gambling and tax evasion.

The prostitution accuse though have been fallen piece by piece as new development came out:

- The police has questioned two women identified in the chat of December 2015 but they denied the allegation. They said they were indeed present but there was nothing like prostitution, they were just there to entertain the investors (NOT in a sexual way). They are called “mulge”, someone attractive in a club to attract guests. (https://twitter.com/RiTaeDaeGTOP/status/1107751725987975168)(https://twitter.com/RiTaeDaeGTOP/status/1107751732786970624 )

The article (Soompi) though also said that police had evidence about the accusation of prostitution but again today 21/03/2019 the police itself denied it. (https://twitter.com/RiTaeDaeGTOP/status/1108668237607329792)

- Seungri and his lawyer via Sisa Journal showed actual photos (NOT screenshots that can be manipulated) of Seungri’s phone that showed the real conversation with CEO Kim. In this conversation CEO Kim told Seungri he was going to Indonesia and meet the king and wanted a woman to accompany him. CEO Kim clarified in the chat with Seungri that he wasn’t asking for a sexual escort but just company.

CEO Kim actual words as translated by @/modeMichellers on Twitter: “for your reference, I don’t have the time to date with woman, I don’t have the interest to do so, I’ll just treat them as little sister, I plan to bring them to join my friend’s gatherings. (https://twitter.com/modeMichellers/status/1108452963381583872)(twitter.com/RiTaeDaeGTOP/status/1108668073622552578?s=19)

In the end, anyway, CEO Kim went to Indonesia without any woman but with Seungri himself.

Also, the screenshot about this conversation that were first reported were faked by CEO Kim to blackmail Seungri since he (SR) invested 2 billion won in Kim and never got it back. Same thing happened with Shin Eusung back in Janury 2016. The singer got 2 billion won from Seungri and then disappeared. Seungri filed an injunction against her but then retrieved it as the two finally made contact and Shin returned the money to Seungri. (https://twitter.com/GottaTalk2V1212/status/1108003303248420864

- SBS itself said they couldn’t be sure about the screenshot related to Seungri’s accusations.

- Another story of prostitution actually was Seungri searching for female companion for his female Singaporean friend (that’s very close to him) that at the time was in Seoul alone. Since he couldn’t be there to keep her company himself he searched other females to do so. (twitter.com/RiTaeDaeGTOP/status/1108668073622552578?s=19)

Seungri and his lawyer addressed the gambling part always in the interview via Sisa Journal saying he never gambled abroad in Las Vegas with CEO Kim.

The police has investigated on this point and again came out with nothing.

As for the tax evasion in Monkey Museum: KBS reported that Seungri was aware that reporting the club as a “retail store” could have been legally problematic BUT it was established last month by a Gangnam district rep that there weren’t violations. (bit.ly/2UPjDfh)

And again I want to underlying that yesterday 21/03/2019 police stated that they don’t have any evidences to back up any of the allegation made against Seungri. (https://twitter.com/RiTaeDaeGTOP/status/1108668237607329792)

The only thing they could came out with was that he wore a police uniform as a Halloween costume back in 2014 as it is illegal to impersonate a public officer and could lead to a fine up till 15 mil won. Today Police confirmed that the uniform was indeed a costume, having found the store that sold it, so also this accuse should have been taken down.

In the end, it actually seems Seungri is innocent as of now.

Now, I want to put light on some things that are suspicious about his case:

- Seungri asked himself to be investigated and to be made a suspect. A guilty person usually wouldn’t do that.

- He has been investigated for two months and questioned by police for a total of almost 24h and always claimed himself innocent and police haven’t found anything on him in all this time while with JJY the proofs were found and he was named guilty in around a week. This should make you reflect.

- When Seungri went to be investigated the second time, after 16 hours of questioning, his lawyer confronted the media and said that they (he and Seungri) had released their part of the story days prior with a leading press media that asked for it but that press media choose not to publish for some reasons. (https://twitter.com/RiTaeDaeGTOP/status/1106616423470776332)

- Many reporters (including Soompi from which that masterlist mostly take sources from) had lied in regard of things Seungri and Police said. They claimed Seungri apologized and said he didn’t submit his phone to the police when actually he didn’t apologize and said he submitted his phone. They said the Police had proofs against him when actually they didn’t. Between this proof was that a secure source (that though didn’t know neither the place nor the time) informed police that Seungri did Coke and so the police wanted to conduct another drug test on him. This “secure information” came out after Seungri did TWO drug tests already (one after because of BS and another for the report of him inhaling from a “happy balloon” at a party) and both came out negative. So I wouldn’t believe at everything they say (also for reasons that I will explain in a bit).

- Seungri was and is used as face for every articles regarding the case, even for those one that didn’t talk about him at all.

- Seungri has been accuse of various things that still don’t have real proofs and was treated as a criminal for just allegations while real criminal Kim Sang Kyo that assaulted 4 women is still free and even went on tv crying like a baby because he was sorry for all the situation that was happening (and not for his crimes).

Always about Kim SK: as I said, he said in a conversation with one of BS CEO “I will take you down using Seungri’s name.”; in a recent post on Instagram that seems to show him in England, he posted a photo of an english newspaper discussing the “Burning Sun Gate” with a photo of Seungri, under it Kim wrote “Impossible. He will never win.” Also, it seems that Han Seohee, the girl related to Seunghyun’s 2016 case follows Kim on instagram. All things are kinda strange if you think of it.

- Seungri tested negative two times for drug usage but still reporter said police wanted to investigate him again meanwhile CEO Moonho of BS tested positive to drugs but he hasn’t been arrested yet.

Other VERY IMPORTANT things you have to know:

Right now S. Korea is facing other big scandals:

- The 10 years old suicide of actress Jang Jayeon. The case resurfaced as it was going into prescription but thanks to a petition online president Moon approved the reopening and continuation of it.

She committed suicide after leaving a letter where she revealed that her company forced her to sexually entertain 31 high-profile entertainment figures and journalists.

Between this people seem to be CEO of Chosun Journal Bang Sanghoon, Vice-President of Sport Chosun Bang Myunghoon, Chosun Central Journal’s Director of Advertising – Lee Jaeyoung, Chairmain of Kolon Lee Woongryeol, Chairman of Lotte Shin Kyukho, Former KBS PD, CEO of Olive 9 Go Daehwa, Producer of KBS’s “All My Love” Jun Changgeun. Producer for KBS, MBC, SBS Jung Seho, Producer for KBS’s “Boys Over Flowers” Jun Gisang and Broadcasting/Music PD of “Payfull Kiss, Boys Over Flowers”, “Perfect Couple”, “Goong” Song Byungjoon.

As you see Chosun Journal (that particularly targeted Seungri after the reopen of the case), KBS, MBC and SBS have people allegedly involved in this case.

Also this same TV News have been focusing on BigBang in general lately bringing out again Jiyong’s “special treatment” and also Seunghyun “special treatment” for their sick leaves. The one regarding Seunghyun is particular upsetting as the reporters followed him inside his work place, filmed him and forced him to talk with them and to admit about his panic disorder. They also went so far to go to the clinic where Seunghyun is being treated to look at his clinical documents. (https://twitter.com/yangjinman0819/status/1108780964749008896 )

- Another scandal that seems to be reopening is that of a former minister, Kim Hakeui, accused of rape, receiving sexual favours, bribery and narcotics who has been cleared by prosecution twice despite clear recorded evidence of him and other official drugging and raping over 30 women in a villa in some ‘orgy/banquet’.

Both crimes involve high figures of the korean society and given the whole situation (the media continuous lies) seem that BigBang (Seungri included) are being used to cover them.

This is just an opinion but it’s shared also between other korean reporters that have no deal with those cases.

In the end, I advice you to look up Fresh Illumi that is a south korean lawyer that is following the case and providing his point of view about the news in english

[natsuhikoshidou]

INVISIBLE CH.2 - UNBELIEVABLE PHENOMENON (PART 1)

Chapter 1 Pt 2  |  Chapter 2 Pt 2

The next morning, Souhei woke like a mole crawling out of a hole, his aunt was still asleep as usual. He didn’t necessarily need to come in her room to check she was asleep, the fact that there was no sound of typing on a keyboard while the sliding doors were closed meant he didn’t have to.

He went to school on foot. Since there was a path that took no more than twenty minutes one way he could go by bike, but unfortunately he had no other the way to get there than by foot. Because of that Souhei had made a habit of leaving the house in a hurry. While eating his breakfast of rice topped with an egg, because he devoted himself to remembering the things his aunt asked him to buy last night, he was a little late to leave the house today. He remembered the milk, bread and cereal, but for some reason he forgot the bacon. He didn’t know what to say to his aunt when he gets home.

When he arrived at school, most of his classmates were already gathered in the classroom. As usual they were engaged in lively conversation about video-sharing sites and TV programs. From within them there wasn’t a single person who called out to Souhei who just barely appeared. Three male students gathered around Hijiri, sitting at the window. Someone over there held their stomach in laughter, "Hijirin, that’s so funny!"

Deep in his chest Souhei, who sat at his seat, wished that today and tomorrow would go by quietly.  The details of the hatred he was subject to for standing out differed day by day.  If he had a day that passed by peacefully, he’d then also have a day where it didn’t. They just act based on how they feel. But when a voice Souhei remembered reached his ears, his wish was interrupted.

"Souheeei!"

"-Huh?"

Suddenly, a large shadow appeared in his line of sight, Souhei reflexively threw his head back.

"Eeh...?"

Appearing before his eyes was a single girl. But she wasn't a classmate. That being said it wasn’t like he’d never seen her before.  He remembered seeing her somewhere

"...Ah, Hey! From yesterday-"

Her jewel-like eyes sparkled with fire.

"-Ma, Maki-chan?"

"That's right~. It's Maki~" The girl said, her grin swinging across left to right.

It was the strange girl he met at the secret shrine. For some reason, she was enrolled at this school and wearing the sailor uniform. But her gloves and ripped stockings remained the same.

Full of surprise, Souhei spoke from deep in his throat after a short while.

"...Huuh? Wh, what are you... doing here?"              

But before the girl answered another person interrupted.

The owner of the cold voice appeared behind Maki-chan. A female student and class organiser called Sawai from Grade 11 Class 5.

Sawai removed her short-lived gaze from Souhei, and smiled "Good morning, Tamagawa-san" at Maki-chan.

"Moorning, Sawachi"

Sawai, who has just been called a nickname, went very red and seemed incredibly happy. She’s a girl with a tight personality as far as you can tell, but now she reacted like a fan whose idol called her name out.

This Sawai then changed her facial expression in the blink of an eye, and looked down at Souhei with a blank stare again.

"-And? You were about to say, what?"

"Well..." The fact that this was Souhei’s first exchange of words with this girl bewildered him. But there wasn’t anybody else he felt he could pose the question to, so he had no choice but to ask. "...Um, is this girl from another class?"

When Souhei spoke, for a moment, Sawai made a face like she swallowed a watermelon.

"…Huh!? What did you say?"

"Eh, what...?" Souhei had no idea what was happening. Then he suddenly thought.

"Oh, is she a transfer student?"

Sawai hugged Maki, while she grinned like usual, like she was protecting a kitten drenched in rain.

"I can’t believe you! She's already been here for 2 months, and you still don't remember your classmate? Especially Tamagawa-san?"

This force panicked Souhei. And since he couldn’t comprehend why Sawai had such a violently threatening attitude, it took him some time to grasp the meaning of her words. Tamagawa? She’s called Maki Tamagawa? Already 2 months?

"...Classmate?" Said Souhei

"I can't believe you. You're just the worst."

Sawai said with a spit and took the girl now known as Maki Tamagawa away from him. "See ya" Maki-chan waved.

Souhei watched her go, dumbfounded. Why did she act like that? Sawai was acting just like that girl joined school at the beginning of the year. Before he realised it, Souhei noticed all eyes in the class had gathered towards him. Hijiri also looked towards him with dubious eyes.  It was good timing that the teacher in charge appeared, so that situation came to a stop.

Maki Tamagawa sat at the middle seat on the window row.  Until yesterday the person that sat in that seat was a large boy, but for some reason now he sat diagonally behind Souhei – even though there wasn’t a desk there yesterday.

When homeroom was over, Souhei found the chance to pick up the attendance record on the front desk. In it, the names of boys and girls were lined up in alphabetical order.  He ran his hurried eyes over it, and the name "Maki Tamagawa" was stated firmly in it. The entry was also recorded right in the middle of the others. Just like it had been that way from the beginning.

Souhei put the attendance record down and returned to his seat. He didn’t understand anything. Even though 2 months hadn’t yet passed, memories of that unique girl had been engraved into his mind whether he liked it or not- or they were supposed to be. Souhei's head began to hurt.

---Maybe I hit my head somewhere?

 Maki Tamagawa's characteristics didn’t fit her behavior.

In first period, they all wrote up easy formulas until she arrived.  Souhei and his fellow students looked at her in shock with mouths agape from beginning to end, the excited salt-and-pepper haired teacher began to taking pictures of the blackboard with a digital camera he took from the staff room. According to him, as he muttered to himself, the formulas that Maki-chan enumerated could apparently be the answer to a famous unsolved equation. When the teacher snapped the shutter for the fourth time, the bell rang.

In music class in second period, she occupied the grand piano, and dexterously began to perform with flowing fingers. Souhei watched her in amazement, he thought the tune in which the sounds seemed to bounce and halt about might be a classic.

His young female teacher began to tremble like she was about to cry, she seemed overwhelmed by the songs that were being played one after another. After class, according to the veteran music teacher who appeared once he heard the nimble sounds, the tunes Maki-chan played all seemed to be songs by the old American pianist Bud Powell, who was honoured as “The Master of Modern Jazz Piano”. If Haruka were here she’d probably be full of joy.

In fourth period the gym was split in the middle with a net, the boys did gymnastics, the girls did basketball. During the match, holding the ball in one hand, Maki Tamagawa achieved three magnificent slam-dunks while other girls remained on the ground. No matter how big of an estimate you make, she probably wasn’t even 160cm tall. Though Souhei promised he’d no longer be surprised despite what she does, when he realized she jumped from the free throw lane, he went beyond surprise and could only feel some kind of terror.

Since she was such an alien existence, Maki Tamagawa became popular in class. No, that reputation went beyond the so-called classroom limit, even people from other classes were coming to meet her. In breaks between lessons and lunch time, surrounding her, there were so many people around her you couldn’t see her. So in class, Souhei quickly released that Maki Tamagawa, who started to become not just a student but also a teacher, was superior to him.

Gym finished and it turned to lunch break. After going to the ground floor cafeteria to buy some bread, without returning to the classroom, Souhei went to the school grounds. Today there was pleasant wind-less weather. There was nobody near the bench. The requirements for a comfortable lunch break were aligned. But today Souhei's head was dull and cloudy.

Why did Maki Tamagawa suddenly start coming here?

Souhei thought as he put the 100-yen greasy curry bread in his mouth. It was just like his other classmates thought her fame and her non-standard behaviour had always been a thing. It couldn’t be that they were all in cahoots and crafting a lie for only him.

"Souhei!"

"Ah."

-She’s here.

Maki Tamagawa hugged Souhei from behind. "Here you aaare. I was looking for youuu"

"...Ta, Tamagawa-san. You were looking... for me?"

"That's right. Hey, Souhei, how come don't you eat with everyone else in the classroom?"

"Wh, Why-- First of all... could you let go of me?"

Souhei looked at Maki Tamagawa’s eyes, who sat next to him. They sparkled like the eyes of a child who just received a present. They shined in a way so pure it was eerie, he swallowed without thinking.

"What on earth… are you?"

"Eh, Maki? Maki is Maki" she said with a puzzled expression.

"I'm not asking about your name. You weren’t in this class until today -right?"

"I was."

Having received an unexpectedly concise answer, Souhei's thoughts paused for a bit. "...Huh?"

"I was there, that’s the truth." she spoke like she was answering a normal question. "Anyway, Maki's waiting for Souhei to decide his wish y'know. So tell me as soon as you decide! I'll do my best!"

Maki Tamagawa made her hands into fists, he didn’t understand a single thing she said. Every single one of her bizarre words stood as robustly as an iceberg, he felt like they wouldn’t melt by any means possible, he couldn’t try to decipher them. When Souhei was finally able to open his mouth, he was interrupted. It was some girls from his class.

"Tamagawa-san, we brought the volleyball" Sawai said. Her gaze was only focussed towards girl sitting next to Souhei, it seemed just like they didn't realise a person was sitting next to her.

"Hey, thanks!" Maki-chan put her hands together. "Hey, Souhei should play too!"

The girls moved slightly so they could see Souhei. Don't worry. I don’t plan on doing that here.

"I'll pass"

He answered, getting up to walk towards the school building.

"Huuh, You should plaaay, Souhei"

But the other female students gently restrained Maki-chan as she invited him. "Let's leave that guy alone" the voice of Sawai reached him from behind.

By all means, please do, Souhei thought.

  Several days passed, Souhei was slowly becoming able to understand the girl’s wild and free nature. As soon as she left morning homeroom she would go completely unseen until just before lunch, today was a day where he wondered if she was even going to turn up. In any case, her actions didn’t show any consistency, she seemed like the kind of person that only does what she pleases.

That day, he hadn’t seen Maki Tamagawa since the morning. Just from the fact that she wasn’t there, Souhei wondered if he could spend a peaceful regular day, but that didn’t happen.

With the unfortunate rain, at lunch break, Souhei nibbled at his bread in his seat in the classroom. Outside the dark mouse-fur-like clouds continued forever, waterfall-like rain water went along the glass window. But his line of sight stayed on the top of his desk. His nylon pencil case with a ragged hole was there. The hole looked like it was stabbed open with a box cutter or something. The event happened when he quickly went to the toilet. The thing that he used since middle school became garbage in just a brief moment. It’s not like he was especially emotionally attached to it. He didn’t remember where he bought it from, but there was no doubt that it was cheap. However, since it was something he’d continued to use for several years, the reason he looked so miserable once he saw it after the short time he’d left his seat was because he was considerably shocked.

Since he couldn’t help looking at it, Souhei put it away in his desk. On the days where Maki Tamagawa wasn’t at school, the harassment towards Souhei tended to get much worse.

There were almost always several thumbtacks in his shoes in the shoe cupboard. The first time he saw them he tried to chuckle scornfully to himself, how old fashioned, I wonder if anybody would fall for this – but mentally the shock he received wasn’t small. Wet cloth was also thrown into his locker built at the back of the classroom. When he returned from an overnight class trip once, Souhei’s desk alone had been thrown out in the hallway like a sheep lost from the herd. Once Souhei tidied it up, returning it to how it was before, the same old giggles leaked out around him.

When Souhei finished eating the bread he bought, someone called out "Hey, Shima".

It was Hijiri. On the one hand Souhei thought to himself that it was kind of rare for Hijiri to be the one to talk to him, but then he thought absent-mindedly that he stopped calling him “Souhei” like he did a long time ago.

(* typically in Japanese, you only refer to someone with their first name if you’re good friends or if they’re younger than you, referring to someone with their last name shows formality or that you have an indifferent relationship with that person)

"...What?"

"Can I talk to you for a sec?"

Despite the way he phrased it, his tone was imperative. There were two others apart from him, the three surrounded Souhei's seat.

What on earth, Souhei had his guard up.

"Hey, I think you should knock it off with that attitude you’ve got with Tamagawa-san"

"...Attitude?"

"Even though Tamagawa-san lets you talk to her, she told me you were acting cold"

"Well, even if she said that..."

"I didn’t wanna bring it up, but it’s bothering some people in our class. I’m telling you because I’m an old friend of yours.”

Hijiri met eyes with the other two, he looked back at Souhei again and smiled boldly.

"Also you should probably treat girls more gently when you talk to them."

As he said that one of the boys put his hand on Souhei's shoulder. It was a boy called Shiroyama from the soccer club.

"Hey, how come Tamagawa-san’s the only girl you’re into? Tell us."

Shiroyama said with a grin. This was the reason why the harassment accelerated these last few days. Because Maki Tamagawa, who’s attracted all the attention at school, is always following him around. What’s so special about him -- regardless of gender, their eyes always judged him with that. I want to ask the same question, he thought every time deep in his chest.

"Well... I don't know" He really didn't know.

Shiroyama tutted. "Well, whatever, don’t get so carried away for Tamagawa-san”

"...I don’t really-"

"Huh? What was that?"

When Shiroyama threatened him, Souhei closed his mouth like a wilted flower. That would be a bad fight to pick.

(言いがかり – iigakari means both ‘to pick a quarrel’ and ‘a false accusation’… not sure if Souhei referring to talking back to Shiroyama or the accusation that Shiroyama’s making is false.)

"Well that's that then" Hijiri said. "Take care"

His tone was just like he was acting from a sense of justice. But what does that mean? Souhei, however, didn't have the courage to ask that to his face. If he said that he would face new harassment - there's no doubt about that.

Unexpectedly, the classroom door opened. Maki Tamagawa appeared.

"Good mooorning"

The lights came on in the classroom. Everyone raised their heads, their gazes pouring towards her. Even though fifth period was beginning she’ll probably be let off the hook, that’s what everyone seemed to think.

Shiroyama tried to get close to her and greeted her with a bouncy voice "Morning, Tamagawa-san!".

"Moorning, Shiro-chan" Maki Tamagawa said. Shiroyama made a satisfied face. Next, she said "Souhei, good morning!"

"...Good morning."

Souhei spoke as hospitably as he could. As usual Shiroyama’s expression was like someone who just got out of a hot bath, but even though he couldn't make a smile, he thought it was good enough. Just then the English teacher appeared. As the scattered students took that as a sign to return to their seats, the Maki Tamagawa in question approached Souhei's ears and whispered.

"Maki’s gonna find out Souhei's wish no matter what."

Surprised, Souhei's body jumped back "...What?"

"Maki will do anything to find out."

After she said that, she quickly went back to her seat. Souhei had no time to ask her to repeat. What on earth does she mean by ‘wish’? She's been talking about it since I first met her.

But he realized thinking about it was useless. Souhei, who tried to concentrate on class and switched on his brain, opened the notes in his textbook, and took out a sharp pencil from his shredded-up pencil case.

 After school, Souhei went into the school’s northern building. He planned to stop by the convenience store and take out a book at the library, then go to Othello’s spot. When he thought that and tried to leave the classroom, the voice of a female student called Mizuguchi from his class called out to him.

The girl is the student that sits right behind Souhei, in her free time she's always making bead-accessories. Apparently, she's in the handicraft club.

"Mr Kashiwazaki called for you" she explained to Souhei briefly and then left.

Kashiwazaki is a middle aged male teacher in charge of science. In any case, it seems like he needs help preparing for an experiment next week. Souhei was sure he remembered being on weekly duty next week. But he wants me to go now… how big is he planning to make the experiment?

In this school there's a so-called preparation officer-system in each class. They’re assigned lesson chores outside of the classroom, someone else is responsible every week.

It can seem like a pain when you’re ordered to do something, but compared to being an executive committee member for events like the culture and sports festival, or for regular activities like health and library committee, Souhei preferred doing this, so he didn’t mind it.

The first floor which housed the special classrooms felt kind of creepy with today's horrible weather and the lack of people there. Souhei knocked on the science prep office's door but he didn't hear a response. According to Mizuguchi, Kashiwazaki should be waiting here. The door wasn’t locked.

The prep room wasn’t very big. He entered the room, Hijiri Aota, who sat on the windowsill, immediately met eyes with Souhei.

"Eh, Hijiri...?"

Souhei saw he was also surprised. His face looked taken aback.

"Oh? Why are you here?"

"…Because I'm the prep officer for this week. What about you?"

In the closed room, when the two came face to face, there seemed to be a different atmosphere than usual.

Hijiri seemed like he didn't want to talk and stayed quiet, but answered briefly after a moment.

"... School trip meeting."

"…Oh, you're in charge. You're meeting here?"

Hijiri is one of the excursion committee members. Many students have more important events in high school, they probably thought they could leave it to the most popular student in class.

"Kashiwazashi's in charge of the trip"

Souhei asked nervously. "...How come you're alone?"  There's another girl on the school travel committee.

"...It’s fine if it’s just me for today’s meeting. Anyway, stop asking about every little thing. Just shut up and wait."

Then they both closed their mouths. Souhei sat down in an empty chair.

What a weird story, Souhei thought. Kashiwazashi was planning to have a meeting with the excursion committee and for Grade 11 Class 5’s experiment preparation at the same time. He must be on a pretty tight schedule.

Looking out of the window behind Hijiri, the scenery was struck with rain. There was no sign of it stopping. The rain fell like waves, flapping in the wind ever so often. Each drop hit the window hard. The only sounds in the room were the sound of rain and the music department playing music in the distance.

As the silence continued, the hands on Hijiri’s wristwatch tick-tocked. Slowly. If Kashiwazashi is late, the other class' committee member won't appear at all. In the quiet and dimly lit room, it felt just like a cave in the mountains, like they were waiting to be rescued.

When the momentum of the rain outside became even stronger, Hijiri opened his mouth

"You got Haruka’s pictures right?"

"Eh... Yeah. I did."

It was a few days ago.

"Hmm."

After saying just that Hijiri was quiet again. He didn’t understand the reason behind that, but Souhei didn't ask.

Even so, how long has it been since Hijiri and I talked to one another?

Another 20 or so minutes passed after that. The landscape outside became dark.

He realized he could try to make use of this time.  He was currently like this because of his falling-out with Hijiri due to what had happened — to be exact, the hatred from Hijiri was one-sided, his other classmates were probably just piggybacking on that relationship. Despite what Hijiri did or didn’t do until now, Souhei had nonetheless become a target for him to vent his stress onto. But he wasn’t sure that would change, even if his relationship with Hijiri would repair. He wasn’t sure if he’d end up in even more pain.

Hijiri spoke again.

"How many did she give you?"

"...Umm--" the suddenness surprised Souhei.

"--Around thirteen, I think."

"...Whatever, she said she gave them to you."

Hijiri was talking about Haruka. But something in those words sounded rather unpleasant to Souhei.

"She said that she didn’t really care about giving you those photos from two years ago. ‘Cause Haruka told me she thinks you’re in the wrong.” Hijiri spoke like he was doing a monologue again. It was a somewhat fitting way of speaking. Souhei felt a flashing sign of danger, like Hijiri was holding a knife behind his back.

"...What do you mean?"

Souhei couldn't hold it in and asked. He already sensed a discomfort, like his heart was being scraped with sandpaper.

"I told you to shut up-"

In that moment, Souhei knew he didn't want this light to go off.

It's fine if I don’t hear it. I have to close Hijiri's mouth by any means possible, he thought instinctively.

"--We're going out."

That’s what Hijiri said.

It was so quiet his ears hurt.

The rain he saw outside the window was still strong in momentum, it seemed like it would keep falling forever. However, he couldn’t hear the sound of rain. Souhei couldn't hear anything. Hijiri's words just spun around again and again in his head.

I must have misheard him. There's no way—something whispered to Souhei.  But Haruka’s been on my side until now. We promised to study at the library together.

-- But that's all.

"Guess you didn’t know then." Hijiri said. "Feel free to ask Haruka."

Souhei felt a huge melting feeling sinking in his stomach. Without any energy, his voice became a whisper.

"Are you surprised?" Hijiri asked.

"I am." Souhei agreed meekly.

The power came out from his body. Naturally he couldn’t even pretend to keep his cool with a fake smile. His heart and lungs just moved on their own accord, he became a speechless doll.

"Well, don't be too glum about it." As Hijiri said that he left the prep room "I'm going home. Have fun waiting."

"Why did Haruka---"

Hijiri's feet stopped outside the door "What?"

"Why did Haruka... care about someone like me? She always cared about me..."

There was a long pause. After that, Hijiri deliberately spoke with a sneering tone.

"Sympathy."

Souhei's head suddenly became hot. He realized his hands had been made into fists. But it was no use. I don’t have the right to get angry--- Souhei held it in. When he thought about how Hijiri spoke to him, he couldn’t put it into words, was it insulting or persecuting? In addition, what he said is probably true. After the three of them stopped being on good terms in middle school, he was the only one that felt left out. Haruka probably only cared about him because of that. It was nothing more than sympathy.

The anger I have for Hijiri is unreasonable. I have to endure it.

How long had it been like that? Suddenly, he realized Hijiri was already gone. The rain had weakened, though only a little.

I'm going home, he thought. But the same time he got up, the door to the room opened.

The science teacher Kashiwazashi flinched in shock when he saw Souhei in a room which should have been empty. "What are you doing here? This place is prohibited, authorized entry only."

He had a familiar sour look.

"I know" Souhei responded.

Part 2 -->

[seokjinsonlyone-main]

in which harry suggests a second trial...

part 5 to the “Starbucks” series: part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4

It'd only been a day, but Y/N felt like she could finally breathe again. She felt lighter. It sort of felt like part of her was missing, which wasn't necessarily a bad thing. She experienced a similar feeling when she moved out on her own and when she broke up with her ex but also when she left a store without getting something she really liked or when she passed up on a food she was craving in the grocery store. 

Meeting Harry was a major life event. She may not have known him for a long time, but he had always been important to her. From the first time she watched the video for What Makes You Beautiful he was important to her. No matter how awkward or wonderful or distorted their brief little thing was it was important to her. Naturally, its ending was going to evoke some sort of response from her. She genuinely thought she was doing the right thing by asking him to leave, though. If it was true that everyone had a person, which she liked to believe, she knew that she wasn't his. He didn't get tunnel vision as if she was the only person in the room. There wasn't any uncontrollable fire flaming between them. They were a firework, at best. In the moment they were bright and beautiful, but all too soon they fizzled and dissolved into oblivion. Her and Harry just happened to be at the oblivion stage in their relationship, but no one ever sees a firework and immediately regrets seeing it so she was choosing to be glad that it happened.

Of course that was something she decided in her mind. Her heart was not on the same page. Her heart told her that the lightness she felt was emptiness. It whispered how she should've actually heard him out instead of putting her thoughts into his mouth. It mocked her by clenching every time she replayed the scene that unfolded the day prior in her mind. He was gone and it was by her own volition and her heart didn't like it. It was a good thing she was great at ignoring her heart. 

The war waging in her inner consciousness was too much. She needed to get away from it all, so she decided a run was in order. She hated running. She didn't like the way her lungs would burn and her legs would revolt against her once she settled down for the day, but there weren't any better options. She didn't have a gym membership or a bike or any exercise equipment at all. Exercising usually wasn't her thing. However, it was a proven stress reliever and it released endorphins which was something she desperately needed at the moment. 

She rushed around her apartment changing into something moderately suitable to go for a run in. She was hyping herself up in front of the door, giving herself the final boost she needed to actually carry out her plan when she heard a knock. She cocked her head to the side wondering who could be on the other side. Her rent had been paid on time, all her friends were either in class or at work, and her mom always called before coming over. She physically jumped back at the sight of Harry standing at her door, cheeks flushed and nose red, beanie tossed over his hair, bearing flowers in one hand and a box of chocolates in the other. 

Her mind was a complete mess. It was as if she could feel the thoughts racing through it. She couldn't comprehend his presence. Her eyes roamed over him trying to come to terms with the fact that he was actually there, standing in front of her, with flowers and chocolates. "Are those really in season?" she asked after remaining shell shocked for an unbearable amount of time. It seemed to be the only thing that her mind successfully processed in the moment. 

He shifted his gaze from her to the bouquet in his hand. "Uh... S'pose so. Didn't really ask... I just... thought they looked nice so..." he said then cleared his throat. "Can I come in?"

She nodded furiously, stepping aside. She toyed with her lip for a few seconds, one hand still on the door looking at him standing in front of her home a day after she told him to leave. "I'm sorry. I'm just... como se dice... shook, like, what on God's green earth are you doing here?"

He held out the flowers to her as he sat the chocolates down on her table. "I'm not really satisfied with how things went down yesterday."

She furrowed her brows. "What?"

"I want to talk to you again."

She looked around her in search of something that would tell her what was going on. She couldn't believe what was happening. "This is actual life. This doesn't happen in real life. You can't just– You can't– There isn't, like, a reset button. You can't call backsies in real life."

"We're not resetting. It's more of a… second trial. Like, in a science experiment." He noticed her look of disbelief. "It was a bit presumptuous of me to show up yesterday and just expect to fix things overnight, I know. But, you were crying when I left yesterday so I know you're not happy with how things turned out either. I know that you like to think, and I know that you already had your mind made up before I even showed up. I know that you're good at tucking emotions away, but I want to know how you feel. I've been a prick, but this time I choose not to let you go."

She scoffed. "What is this? You literally just put a whole album out about how you suck at communicating. I didn't sign up for this!"

He cracked a small smile. "We'll call it self-improvement."

She shrugged moving into the living room to sit. "I've never been one to stand in the way of a person bettering themselves, so…" she said, motioning for him to have a seat in the opposing chair. 

They eyed each other waiting for someone to start talking. "I thought about you and everything that happened all night."

"And?" she asked, raising her eyebrows and folding her arms and crossing her legs.

"And… first of all, I need to know if you'll be able to forgive me for not getting in touch with you. I really am sorry. You don't have to forgive me today or tomorrow but just eventually. Is that..." he gulped, "Is that something you can do?"

She uncrossed her arms and legs, figuring that looking intimidating wasn't necessary when he obviously had some sort of agenda that he put thought and effort into. "Sweetie, I made my peace with that when I realised you weren't hitting me up anymore." Keeping things pent up messed with her head and was annoyingly distracting. She needed a clear mind to be functional otherwise she had the tendency of being caught up on that one thing which led to a lack of productivity, so she let go of that a couple weeks ago. "My problem was what it signified."

"Okay, that's the second thing," he rushed out. "You don't get to tell me what you mean to me." She snarled at him. "I gather that you believe in soulmates or summat, but just because I met you in a coffeehouse doesn't mean that we weren't meant to be together. Like, have you ever thought that maybe that's how we were supposed to meet?" He crossed the room to sit beside her, then gently nudged her chin up, forcing her to make eye contact with him. "Isn't it crazy that I just happened to be there at the same time as you? And, you just happened to anonymously buy me coffee? And, the barista just happened to tell me that it was you? And, you just happened to charm and endear me so much that I had to see you again that very night? Is that all just a coincidence?"

The gears were turning in her brain. He made some valid points. She'd been so caught up in the fact that he wasn't immediately taken aback by her like in some fanfic, that she forgot that she wasn't that kind of person. She said it herself just the night before. She was normal. She wasn't the kind of person that turned everyone's heads. She was the kind of person you didn't see unless she bought you coffee. He could've easily just thanked her or reimbursed her and went on his way, but he didn't. He saw her. He could've genuinely forgotten about her. He could've been anywhere in the world, but he was here, basically fresh off of tour, begging for forgiveness and a fair chance with flowers and chocolates. "You're appealing to my insanity..."

"And? Is it working?" he asked, cracking another grin.

She pinched her index finger and thumb together. "Just a little," she laughed. He pulled her into a hug and god she forgot just how good it felt to be wrapped up in him. 

Her smile had worn off by the time he pulled back, though. There were other things she needed to consider. "I still don't know what you expect out of this, Harry."

His mouth pulled down into a frown. "What do you mean?"

She shrugged and her voice raised an octave. "I don't know! Like, I mean, do you see a future for us? Is there even an us?"

He pulled his collar away from his neck despite the fact that he was wearing a t shirt, finally showing some form of discomfort. "It's a little early in the relationship for that kind of question, don't you think?" he forced out, leaning back against the couch and running his hands through his hair. 

"So, this is a relationship?" she inquired, propping her knee up and turning to face him.

He ran his palms up and down his thighs. "I mean, the beginning, yeah. It's not really developed much, but there's definitely an us. If you want it to be, that is." He turned, facing back toward her, putting the ball in her court.

"I… don't know..."

"You don't know?" He was confused. He thought they'd made progress.

"Have you heard of Schrödinger's Cat?"

"I– I–ummm… showing's what now?"

"Schrödinger's Cat. It's a physics thought experiment. So, basically there's this cat, and it's in a box, but until you open it, it could be considered both dead and alive."

"Okay..." he responded, obviously perplexed as to what that had to do with them.

"I don't date casually because I'm not in the business of getting my heart broken. I know it may seem like I ignore my emotions a lot, but I'm actually quite in tune with them. And to be completely honest, I fell in love with the thought of you before I even knew you. Now I do know you, and despite everything that's happened, I think you're lovely. So, actually being involved with you and it not working out would… crush me."

"Or it could work out and we could be really happy together. Because, I mean, I can see us together. Like, as a couple. You're not just a fling to me, you know?"

The earnest look in his eyes made her want to commit right then and there, but she needed to be sure about this before she made any decision. "Can I– Can I think about it?"

"Of course," he agreed quickly.

They sat side by side in an awkward silence for a few minutes before she spoke up. "I was actually about to go for a run before you showed up."

"Right, sorry." He popped up off the couch, stuffing his hands in his pockets, slowly walking towards the door. She grabbed her keys and followed him. "Before I go, let me do something," he said then pushed his lips on hers before she even had a chance to wonder what he was about to do. She was so surprised by his sudden, bold action that she didn't respond for several seconds, but when she did she felt like she was floating on water. He worked over her lips like the waves ripple in the sea.. And, when he suckled on her bottom lip drawing out a sweet moan from her then went back in and dipped his tongue into her mouth, she decided that she wouldn't mind drowning in him. 

He rendered her completely speechless when he finally drew back from her and spent the time she needed to recover from the kiss gently smoothing his thumb over her bottom lip with one hand and rubbing circles into her lower back with the other.. "What… was that?" she sputtered after a minute or so.

"Just figured you'd need some data. Can't draw conclusions for an experiment without sufficient data."

She nodded, then rubbed her hands up his chest and slithered them around his neck going in for one more round of "data." "Okay, okay," she said, turning in his arms and opening the door quickly before she completely lost herself in him. "Wait," she said grasping his hand, as he began to walk away. He raised his eyebrows at her. "How long will you be in town for?"

"However long it takes for you to open that box." He winked at her with a splitting grin spread across his face, then walked away leaving her leaning breathless against her door.