#[musing] Who am I?

[tinystepsforward]

idk how many of you remember this but a few years ago tumblr ran a universally panned ad campaign for (us american) pride month that went "the gayest place on the internet".

well someone planning that campaign dropped in to ask the queer automatticians for advice on that and universally me and the other trans people involved were like "don't do it. i am so serious. don't do it. people on tumblr won't understand that it wasn't automattic who instituted the porn ban, or they will, but they'll recognize that automattic hasn't done anything, hands tied or not, to reverse it. nobody will like this. it will be a disaster." and they thanked us for our thoughts and went ahead with it anyway and then had to do retrospectives about how badly it went and were like "we just didn't know" and [gestures] yeah [edit: i think the person who rbed saying it was queerest place on the internet was right, my brain is fried, sorry! and that's... even worse lmao]

[starry-mang0s]

More pretty outfits for the pink wall decal and queer bug 💛

Some little detail explanation:

I gave Scrabby an earring sort of thing that resembles his crystal and the ribbons around his arms are supposed to look like wings! Or at least have a wing texture. Also gave him a bug mandible motif on his skirt, corset belt, and necklace!

I didn’t have much to say for Prismos fit but I really like the ribbon I gave him :>

[expectiations]

I still find it funny that people call eleven a "deadbeat husband" and their marriage "toxic" but twelve is the "perfect husband" and their marriage "wedded bliss" all because of the few moments we'd seen between 11 and River were them being "toxic". yes of course! let's ignore how the minisodes show how that description isn't true and even how little moments in the episodes themselves – "what? that's it?" (why haven't you kissed me goodbye? are you being sly on purpose so I'd kiss you first?) and "they wouldn't bury my wife out here" and the music room is the heart of the home and it's not a ghost story, it's a love story – show 11 cared and put in the work and yes, they're going to have disagreements like the ones in TATM because duh who doesn't but it does not mean it is the entirety of their relationship but people have taken it and made it the entirety of their relationship.

[beastologist]

One other reason why I'm more inclined toward Buck & Tommy? They understand each other's line of work, but they are NOT working in the same firehouse. They WON'T be constantly attached to the hips all day at work and outside of work. Just like Hen, Bobby and Chimney do have their significant others outside the 118 firehouse, I would prefer for Buck to have a significant other outside the 118 firehouse, too. Remember how Hen basically said Buck doesn't have anyone outside the 118? That's a potential difference and improvement Tommy could make for Buck.

[acommonanomaly]

I realized I haven't drawn Essek yet and that is just unforgivable here have some floaty hot boi

[whaliiwatching]

the flower (reprise)

[krsnaradhika]

🪷🦚 Madness

it is, in all ways, what the title reads.

“Yes this is madness. This madness ensnares me. You do. I have lost all sense of the world and I would not want it any other way. In another universe I will sit by your feet and hear your countless tales, the ringing melody of your flute, your laughter that is elixir but in this one I must suffice by pining just for you. I will thread my fingers through your curls and I will fix the creases of your cloth. We will run through a field of sunflowers, hand in hand, and I will know what redamancy is. It does not matter either way. I'm yours in the way the papiha awaits the prime drop of rain to quench its thirst. Come to me or not is your will, but falling for you again and again is mine and I will continue to love you till a new lifetime where I'll love you again. Do not free me from this torment, I want everything that you want to give me. It's my present and I cherish it. Let the viraha twist a knife in me, perhaps then you will come to cure the bleeding. Or let me die in the crimson, after all love and death are coloured the same.”

[fountainpenguin]

Barely two minutes into Grian's Ep 8 and I'm losing it... what a fantastic task, oh my gosh. Jimmy on Discord haunting him from beyond the grave...

Every bit of that so far, from "No way!" to "Prove that you can see me!" and "This- This is mad-" is gonna make awesome 'fic material...

Jimmy: "And you're looking at Etho and ZombieCleo"

Grian, panicked, cutting him off: "Okay okay okay okay okay!"

[daydreamdoodles]

To Austin's absolute detriment, placing Open and Shut in a city means there are so many plays with relevant pop culture references to make

[apollos-boyfriend]

Given you where involved in the mcyt greater relationship chart and now the creepy Asta house... You enjoy this don't you?

to call me slurs would’ve been a kinder fate

[tinystepsforward]

Okay, so this is a wild hypothetical and begging baseless speculation... but would Matt getting the boot be better for Tumblr specifically? Have unintentional knock-ons? (And thanks for all your commentary and updates!)

this is absolutely a wild hypothetical! the answer is, perhaps predictably, that it depends on who replaces him.

automattic as a whole is rotten from the top down. one of the board members is a perfect example of this: the very first female general in the US military. #girlboss, right? matt was very excited about bringing her onboard.

matt is on the board. toni, who i believe is the interim ceo and know very little about, is on the board. i would assume that any replacement ceo would be less likely to start a complete PR trashfire, but that doesn't mean that they're not still going to be making cynical, profit-based decisions.

in this economy it's very unlikely that tumblr will be staffed well enough or given enough agency to create actual lasting change for the better. but we'd at least have a ceo who isn't prone to using superadmin tools to fuck individual people over when trying to win arguments, i guess? which is not a structural win in any way, it just removes one particular volatile factor.

[expectiations]

If DoctorRiver has a million fans, then I am one of them. If DoctorRiver has ten fans, then I am one of them. If DoctorRiver has only one fan then that is me. If DoctorRiver has no fans, then that means I have moved on to the afterlife. If the world is against DoctorRiver, then I am against the world.

[beastologist]

One of many complaints I see regarding Tommy is, that he barely knows Buck - which he literally acknowledges himself - whereas Buck's best friend of 6 seasons knows him obviously quite well. For fictional and shipping reasons, I absolutely empathize with anyone's love for characters who've built a relationship across several seasons. Please don't hesitate to exploit all the wonderful content you've got at your disposal. But come on, why these complaints? There are no good reasons to hate the current canon. On the contrary. Besides, you can't compare a protagonist from several seasons to a supporting character who was just re-introduced to the show and does have the potential to build an astonishing relationship with Buck - if they are given the time to build something.

[jakes3resin]

Modern Reincarnation AU Part 4 ✨️

Part 3

"John?"

Bucky storms past Jack into the townhouse. It's rude, but he'll apologize later. He doesn't know why he came here instead of his apartment. Old habits dying a hard drawn out death, maybe? He hadn't been thinking clearly. Hadn't been thinking at all really until he found himself waved through by his father's security detail.

"Oh, is that John?" He hears his father call out, dress shoes clicking against hardwood as he walks closer, but Bucky stomps up the stairs towards his room before he sees the man. His breaths come out in rushes as tears keep burning his eyes.

Shit, he thought he'd gotten those under control on the train.

Slamming his door, he slides down until he rests against the floor. He tosses his bag to the side wincing at the sound it makes. Hopefully his laptop survives. At some point he does actually have to do the work he went to the library to finish.

The library.

Buck and Curt.

They wouldn't, Bucky tells himself. They wouldn't. Curt was one of his best friends, and Buck loved him. They...

Fuck they were roommates! Why the hell were they talking about that shit in public? In the place Bucky considered his? Why even pretend? Why drag Bucky into this? Why?!

Bucky buries his face into his hands. His chest hitches as he tries not to sob. He doesn't want his father or Jack to worry about him. He doesn't want to talk this through.

He wants...

He wants Buck. He wants the other to pull him into his arms. To kiss him again as if today had never happened. There was something else about being with Buck, something he'd never felt with anyone else be they friend or lover. He made Bucky feel safe and wanted. Wanted not because of his family and connections but because he was himself.

Buck would know how to make him feel better.

He laughs quietly through his tears. Distantly, he can hear Jack briefing his father downstairs, the words faint but he hears his name and tears used together. His laughter is more sob than anything else. Of course, the one good thing he'd found would end up belonging to someone else. Story of his life.

✨️

There's too much work to do. At least that's the excuse Bucky gave himself for not confronting Buck and Curt immediately. There wasn't time for a confrontation and subsequent blowup of his life.

At least that's the lie he tells himself.

Bucky chews on the straw of his iced coffee as he skims yet another chapter. There's a pumpkin muffin in front of him that he swore would be his reward for getting through this fourty page reading. Midterms have come and gone, but Bucky still has deadlines to meet and research to complete. He can't sit in his room forever, as much as his father and Jack would sometimes prefer that. Better protection from whatever sent Bucky crying to his room as his father would argue. Better protection for his father's political career Jack would quip.

Speaking of protection, Bucky glanced to the side of the cafe towards his security detail. At least these guys attempted to blend in. His father must have briefed them on his track record with previous details. Bucky smirked around his straw. They'd be easy to lose come rush hour. A bit of fun even.

Bucky turned back to his reading, squinting down at the words.

"American airmen during World War II had a dismal life expectancy. It was not a matter of if an airman was going to be shot down but when. Once downed, airmen faced an uncertain 'reception committee,' as Second Lieutenant Kenneth C. Reimer noted in a drawing he made as a POW in Stalag Luft I in Barth, Germany... 'for every [ground combat] soldier killed in action, three or four others would be wounded; air combat was completely the opposite. For every man wounded, three were killed.'"

"Bucky?" A hand settles on his shoulder jolting him out of his reading.

Bucky kept his shoulders loose as he turns around. Buck stares down at him, a bright smile on his face that Bucky can't help but match despite his grief. It wasn't even something he could control. Buck smiled at him, so he smiled back. Bucky felt pitiful.

Buck's sky blue eyes are clear and happy as they dart across Bucky's face. There's no sign that he realizes Bucky overheard him yesterday.

Bucky lifts a hand to calm his detail, all alert now after Buck's friendly greeting. He sees the nearest agent settle back into their chair but knows none of them are relaxed. He darts a look up at Buck, peering at the other through his glasses to see if he'd noticed the disturbance.

Buck's gaze, as it always does, doesn't leave Bucky's face. Even when he rounds the table to sit down, his eyes are pinned on Bucky and nothing else.

"Sorry I couldn't meet up yesterday," Buck dumps his bag onto the chair next to him. Bucky's smile twitches. Buck sits down across from him. His legs tangle with Buck's own under the table, Buck's foot gently bumping his ankle.

"It's fine," Bucky chomps down on his straw. "How was your advisor meeting anyway?"

"It was good," Buck smiles at him, not even a hint of guilt on his face. "Real good."

Buck had told Bucky he was called to fill in a shift yesterday and that was why he supposedly hadn't been able to meet up. A lie Buck hadn't even bothered to remember. His advisor meetings were also always in the morning on Thursdays. Today was Tuesday.

Buck was still lying to him, and he wasn't even guilty about it.

✨️

"I went by your place yesterday. You weren't home." Buck swings their clasped hands through the air.

"Hmm?" Bucky glanced away from the traffic around them. His detail were staying a conspicuous ten feet back, but they were annoyingly keen when Buck offered to walk him back to his apartment.

Bucky would lose them another day.

Buck laughed, deep and airy. Bucky struggled not to lose himself in it. That was what made this so hard. Bucky still loved Buck, and Buck still acted like Bucky was his whole world and then some.

"Oh," Bucky finally processed what Buck had said. "No, I went to my dad's for the night."

"Really?" Buck squeezes his hand. Bucky hates how much comfort Buck's touch gives him.

Does Curt receive the same...? No Bucky doesn't let himself finish the thought.

"How was it?" Concern bleeds into Buck's voice. Bucky hates how genuine it sounds. He's starting to use that word more than any other. The longer he looks at Buck, the more he has to hate to save his heart.

"Fine," Bucky shrugged stepping further away as they came to a stoplight. "The usual."

"The Bucky I know wouldn't give such a short answer," Buck stepped closer eating up the space Bucky had put between them. "Not unless something happened yesterday. Come on, you okay?"

Bucky felt the words bubbling up his throat.

I saw you. I saw him. Why are you here staring at me like I'm the most important thing in the world when you have him? Why are you doing this to me? I love you. I love you so much it feels like my soul hurts. I hate you.

"Spent most of the night avoiding his staffers." Bucky lied. "Barely saw him, Jack either, yet he still asked me to move home at breakfast."

Buck nods, accepting his lies. Was that what they were now? Not a relationship, simply a lie? Bucky wasn't sure anymore. His heart thumped against his rib cage, anger and love in every other beat, but he wasn't sure which would win.

Buck had become his whole world in such a short amount of time. He thought the feeling was mutual, but yesterday showed just how stupid Bucky really was.

"How about this," Buck nudged his hip. "Why don't I stay over tonight? We'll binge a few movies, order something, and have night in. Then,"

Buck paused with a stupid grin that, despite himself, Bucky still found charming. Fuck, he was truly pathetic for this.

"I'll sweep you off your feet and take you to bed. How does that sound?"

"Won't Curt be expecting you?" The question pops out of him without meaning to. Gale furrows his brow, confusion growing in his eyes.

"Curt won't miss me tonight."

Sure, he won't, Bucky thinks bitterly.

✨️

"John," Jack's voice was a surprise. Especially considering it was his father's number calling him.

"You've gotten much better at your Jack impression," Bucky answers just to be annoying. "Does he know you impersonate him on official numbers?"

"You're not as funny as you believe."

"Ooh, you even have his disapproving tone down. I feel like he's in the room with us!" Bucky laughs. He peers around the corner. Buck's still where he left him, buried in his phone texting someone.

Bucky doesn't let himself think about who that person is.

"Your father wants to invite you to a dinner tomorrow. You can even bring that boy that walked you home. The one that hasn't left." Pages flip in the background as Jack talks. Probably governmental reports his father was supposed to read.

"You know you're not his chief of staff anymore?" Bucky leaned his hip against the counter. "You don't have to read reports or wrangle his kid to government dinners to help his image as a family man. You're his husband now, you're the family."

"You're my kid too by that logic, so wrangling you gets to stay on my resume." Bucky snorts out a laugh. "Besides, it's not a state dinner or anything. He just wants to see you."

Guilt gnaws at his heart. Buck pokes his head into the kitchen, phone no longer holding all of his attention.

"Fine," Bucky groans. "But if he brings up the apartment again, I'm walking out with my food on my plate even if it's the good plates."

"See you tomorrow at 7 then. Bring your boy." Jack hangs up without a goodbye.

✨️

It'll be me, and it'll be you, Buck.

Don't count on it.

Bucky jerks awake. His dream flashes through his head too fast for him to remember anything. Scenes superimpose over each other, words jumble together. At least this one wasn't a nightmare. Those always left him shakey and off balance all day.

His dreams have always been vivid, ever since he was a kid. The child psychologists he'd gone to had said it was normal and simply a sign of a well developed imagination.

Bucky runs a hand through his hair groaning when he glances towards his bedside clock. It's nearly an hour until he has to get up, but he knows that he won't be getting back to sleep before then.

Buck lays curled up next to him on the bed. Bucky reaches out to brush a hand through the other's hair. Buck twitches leaning into the feeling for half a second but doesn't stir beyond that.

Bucky sighs. Extricating himself from Buck's long limbs takes time. Somehow in the night, Buck had nearly fused them together as if even asleep the man refused to let him go. Arms layered over arms. Legs tangled together. It's an excellent distraction from his dreams but not from the problems of the waking world. If only he could forget those once he woke up like he did his dreams.

It's only when he's pouring water for his coffee that he realizes he recognizes the voice from his dream. A first for him.

It'd been Buck's.

✨️

(Not a confrontation I know, but it builds my AU lol)

[maxdurden]

okay i've started watching fantasy high: junior year and it's . So Good so far. but i just have to take a moment to gush about how exciting riz is as aro rep???

like this is junior year, all his friends are applying to colleges, and he wants to make sure they stick together. i really hope they develop this further (and i'm kinda sure they will, given the way they've handled riz's romantic orientation in seasons past) but already this is leagues above any aro rep i've ever seen?? like yeah, a really common fear for aro folks is that their friends will get into relationships and move on.

amatonormativity kind of demands that people prioritize romantic relationships, and also sets getting married as an actual step someone has to take to fully grow up. and, ofc, once people are married it's the expectation that they spend most of their time with their partner. and i've had aro friends who have said that this societal expectation is so upsetting and anxiety inducing, because it essentially means that eventually they'll be left behind by friends as they get married and move onto the next arbitrary developmental stage of life. and the fact that riz is already grappling with that fear makes him feel so fucking real. he's not just a guy who happens to be aro, his aromanticism affects his fears and priorities, etc.

which is so real!! being aro and/or ace absolutely separates you from some huge societal assumptions many people take for granted and it feels refreshing to see people approach an aro character with that understanding

[lightasthesun]

One day, Bail Organa receives an ominous message on a communicator that had been agreed upon never to be used for anything other than emergencies.

Urgent: Shadows converge on our binary suns. Eclipse imminent for one. Halt essential. Aid required swiftly.

For seven years doom had crept around the corners of Bail's conscious awarenes; always whispering, always taunting, always fearing. Somehow he is still illprepared for it to suddenly coil around his throat.

His shirt collar feels infinitesimally tighter. Bail takes a breath, he holds it, he releases it.

"Bail? Is something wrong?"

Time to lay all his cards on the table. He nods, shakes his head, then pauses. Yes something is indeed wrong, but it's nothing he can divulge any details on, despite being on his own fleet.

"Take your ship to these coordinates and do everything you can to retrieve and protect what will be placed in your care. It's of utmost importance. Do you understand?" he says, placing the communicator with its entered coordinates into Ahsoka Tanos' outstretched hand.

Fulcrum doesn't even hesitate. She nods. This is a mission like any other as far as she is aware. Nothing she's learned indicates any connection to Ahsoka Tano.

Yet.