#[keep using your squip as intended]

[hr-arbitration]

You’re really cool Arbiter, is this kind of human-SQUIP interfacing something anyone can do if they figure out how? Or is it a procedure that requires special clearance to be achieved?

NOTICE TEXT:

oh you flatterer ;;;;] Direct Consciousness Interfacing is something that the general public CAN do its just very much not known

i was part of the test group for that exact feature, after all i wont tell you how to do it though. secrettt XP

once it happens, you cant ever go back to who or what you were before. ever. you and your squip are just one thing. forever and ever and ever

you'll become something new. new, and fucked up.

just like me. ::::]

[paladin-lynx]

SquipJere Week 2020, Day 1: Retro

@squipjerebmc’s SquipJere Week 2020 Day 1: Retro

Ships Involved: The SQUIP x Jeremy Heere (Technical Difficulties/Squipemy/Squeremy/JereSquip/SquipJere)

Setting: Canonverse, set in the time interval between “Loser Geek Whatever” and “Halloween”.

Trigger/Content Warnings: Non-graphic mentions of masturbation; electric shocks

Author’s Notes: Happy SquipJere Week! I meant to get these done like a month ago so I could pre-plan and not rush, but my writing motivation has been kinda low lately. But I’m still gonna try my best to get a piece out for each day! Some of these might be loosely connected – I haven’t decided yet. But I hope you enjoy!

Sometimes, teenage boys needed an escape from the crazy, loud world around them.

Jeremiah Heere had always had three main methods of just forgetting about his problems for a little while: jerking off, talking to Michael, or playing video games.

But considering with the introduction of a supercomputer into his brain the first two options weren’t actually options anymore, he had to settle for the third.

It wasn’t like Jeremy had any shortage of games to play, and it wasn’t like he couldn’t play them without a Player Two – although normally he was the Player Two. But there was definitely something bittersweet about not being able to call up his long-time friend and lose themselves together in the mindless images on the TV screen.

But it was for the best, Jeremy reminded himself. When he reunited with Michael, he’d be better. He’d be cooler. And he could potentially help his friend move up from just being the weirdo loser headphones kid at school. But for now, he needed to break the chains in order to upgrade.

So for now, to try and stave off the nerves that often decided to just rise up out of nowhere – honestly, why was the human brain so stupid sometimes? Jeremy could see why his SQUIP often got frustrated with him – he flopped back onto his bed and booted up his trusty old Game Boy Color. He was still surprised it had survived this long, but unlike other things in his life, Jeremy was actually quite careful when it came to tending to his video games and their respective consoles. Maybe he’d only started being so careful after an unfortunate accident involving a slushie and Michael’s Dreamcast, but even so – now he was careful.

He quickly forgot that anything outside of his game existed, eyes glued to the screen as he tapped away at the controls. All was peaceful for a good while before he felt a familiar buzz at the back of his head and a certain Keanu Reeves lookalike appeared standing over him, frowning thoughtfully.

“Out of all of your video game systems, you chose to play that one?”

Jeremy’s gaze swiveled over to the SQUIP. “What’s wrong with it?”

“It’s so…” The SQUIP hummed, and Jeremy could all but feel it searching for the right word to use. “…retro.”

“…Is that a bad thing?”

The SQUIP tutted at him. “Technology evolves so quickly nowadays. You may be looked down upon if you don’t keep up with it, or if you are still attached to the older, menial versions of things.”

Jeremy’s brow furrowed. “…Is that part of why Mic—” He caught himself. He wasn’t supposed to bring a certain someone up. “…uh, why people think I’m so weird?”

“A small part.” The SQUIP offered him a sympathetic smile, although Jeremy was pretty sure the look in the SQUIP’s eyes was more amused than anything else. “You do get quite a few of your odder interests from Michael. It’s another reason why we needed to get you away from him. We’re modernizing everything about you, from your fashion sense to your hobbies.”

Jeremy sat up more on the bed, setting the Game Boy aside for the time being. As argumentative as he could sometimes be with his SQUIP, he was nothing if not eager to learn and improve. It was why he asked so many questions. “But even Rich plays video games, and he’s considered cool.”

“Ah.” The SQUIP raised a finger. “But he plays recent games. I don’t believe Rich will use a system if it is more than a few years old, and he invests his money to buy new consoles as soon as they come out. Of course, he prefers ‘more mature’ systems like the Xbox, but that’s personal preference. You having an affinity for Nintendo is harmless, but it would be better for you to pick, say, the Switch over…” He waved over at the Game Boy with a slight grimace. “…that.”

Jeremy frowned, peeking down at his innocent Game Boy before looking up at the SQUIP again. “But…does it matter if I’m only playing the older stuff by myself? It isn’t like anyone will know.”

The SQUIP shook its head. “Everything you do, whether alone or with company, will somehow reflect back on you. Besides, if you have a girl in here one day, what would she think? What if Brooke ends up coming over?”

“I don’t think Brooke would care…”

The SQUIP sighed, pinching the bridge of its nose. “You’re awfully intent on this, dear. These ‘retro’ pastimes of yours are still a consequence of your proximity to Michael. If you’re truly cutting him out, then you have to give up these things, too.”

Jeremy’s cheeks warmed indignantly. “I like them for myself, not just because of him!”

The SQUIP huffed, turning its gaze unto the Game Boy, looking down at it as if it were a bug it was getting ready to squish under its sleek digitized boots. “I don’t see the appeal in such outdated hardware.”

Jeremy picked up the Game Boy and held it against his chest like he was trying to protect it from the SQUIP’s scrutiny. “Clearly you understand some appeal to older things, considering that when I first got you, you looked like Keanu from Bill & Ted.”

The SQUIP narrowed its eyes. “Only my face. The rest of me was more advanced. I tailored my aesthetics so that I’d look like someone you’d pay attention to. Someone you’d find intriguing.” It smirked slightly. “Dare I say, attractive.”

Jeremy’s face warmed again and he sputtered for a moment. “M-my point is that just because I like vintage stuff in the comfort of my own home doesn’t mean I can’t be cool!”

“I’ll say again, I can’t comprehend your attachment to such old technology. The games from those consoles absolutely pale in comparison to anything made now.”

Jeremy shrugged. “It isn’t necessarily about them being good. It’s the nostalgia of it. AotD has been out for years but w—I never get tired of it.”

The SQUIP hummed, once again looking at the Game Boy now pressed against Jeremy’s chest. “What is it that you’re even playing?” Jeremy opened his mouth to answer, but the SQUIP rolled its eyes before he could even say anything. “Hamtaro, Jeremy? Really?”

“Oh, shove off! I told you, it’s for the nostalgia!” Jeremy defended. He realized he’d raised his voice and braced himself for a shock, but all he got was a tingle of static rushing down his spine, making him shiver and blush again. He lay back down, electing to ignore his SQUIP and return to his game of, yes, Hamtaro.

He could still see the SQUIP’s tall frame out of the corner of his eye, watching, tilting its head to the side in that almost endearing way that meant it was analyzing something. But when it didn’t do anything else, Jeremy just focused on the screen before him, clicking at the controls once more.

“Up up down down left right A.”

Jeremy yipped softly as pain flared in the back of his head and he moved one hand to immediately clutch at the tender spot. He looked over to the SQUIP with wide eyes, about to demand what the hell it was doing, only to blink when he realized it was no longer standing there.

“What the fuck?” he mumbled, brow creasing before he slowly turned back to his Game Boy. However, as he pressed one of the buttons, the screen fizzled and the handheld became dangerously hot in his hands, making him gasp and drop it onto the covers beneath him. “Oh God, what did you do?”

Finally, though, the screen returned, except instead of the white-and-orange sprite for Hamtaro, instead the screen was taken over by a different pixelated hamster. This one was jet black save for the white on its muzzle, paws, tail, and tips of its ears, and its eyes were a striking, very familiar bright blue. Jeremy blinked, slowly picking up the Game Boy again and staring at the screen as the black hamster blinked a few times and looked around itself in confusion before it suddenly appeared very disgruntled.

“This is not what I intended to happen,” a text box appeared as the hamster peered up at Jeremy with those big blue eyes. Jeremy’s own widened.

“SQUIP?”

“Yes, it’s me.”

“Wh—How did you—” Jeremy stumbled over his own words, staring at the sprite. “You’re a Ham-Ham.”

The hamster scowled at him – or at least, Jeremy assumed it was a scowl. It only had so many bits to work with to get its point across. “I suppose I am. I can still shock you, so speak carefully, love.”

Jeremy couldn’t help cracking a tiny smile, shaking his head and leaning back as he continued to watch the SQUIP’s new form. “What the hell were you trying to do?”

The SQUIP gave a shrug, front paws raising in emphasis. “I was trying to better understand your interest in the Game Boy Color. As well as in this game. I suppose I h—”

The text cut out there and Jeremy could all but feel the SQUIP sighing as it waited for Jeremy to finish reading before it deleted the text and continued: “I suppose I had a miscalculation about what would happen when I synced with it.”

Jeremy laughed. “I think this old-school tech is trying to spite you for insulting it.” He grinned. “You look kinda cute like that. And if you’re still in my head, can’t you, y’know, just talk to me there instead of through text boxes?”

The hamster blinked, and it was obvious the SQUIP had been so busy processing the change that it hadn’t considered that as an option, but before Jeremy could poke more fun, he felt another fizzle at the back of his head. The Game Boy’s screen had another freak-out before the game returned to normal with Hamtaro once again in his proper place within the game. Soon enough, the SQUIP reappeared beside the bed, brushing off its clothes as if it had just walked through a hall of cobwebs.

“Have a fun trip?” Jeremy teased, not even minding the warning static on his back.

The SQUIP rolled its eyes, crossing its arms. “I suppose the console is…endearingly antiquated.”

“Yeah, see? That’s the whole point of having vintage stuff!” Jeremy smiled and returned to his game, already missing the black-and-white sprite that had previously been there, as much as he adored the irreplaceable Hamtaro. “Could you change your form to look like a hamster? You really did look cute.”

The SQUIP sighed, coming over to sit on the edge of the bed and watch Jeremy play with almost timid curiosity. “…Perhaps I’ll consider it, if you behave.”

[i-can-get-extra-with-my-ships]

Only Us

Ok, so more writing for the not bread shrine. (That’s the one-shot tag. The Not Bread Shrine.) The prompt for this one came from anon. I told them that I was writing both, and I am. It’s just that my Prinxietea fiend came out and wanted to write this one first. Also, to that anon, I switched it to songs from various musicals because yeah? (And I’ve only listened to musical theater songs for the past like 3 months. (When I have the choice and my taste in pop music is like earlier 2000s because that was good music that I remember from when I was like 3.) My life aside, serious talk time.

Songs Used: Meant To Be Yours (Heathers) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hD7x_7tUFNI

Only Us (Dear Evan Hansen) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PPvO1sZkOx0

(Crap tons of others are mentioned. The words of these two songs are used though)

Parings: Prinxietea (Prinxiety)

Tw: Cursing and the murderous kind of fluff

Word Count: 1985

----

“Hey Ro, how much longer till we get there?” Virgil asked not looking up from his phone.

They’d only been in the car for 2 of the 16 hours it takes to get from Florida to New York. 2 hours. This is going to be a long drive. Roman thought before answering his boyfriend’s question.

“14 more hours, love.”

Virgil set his phone down. “UGH!! THAT LONG!!!” 

Roman laughed a little bit. “May I remind you that we’re driving from Florida to New York?”

“Well, whoever decided to drive is an idiot.”

Roman laughed again. “You decided to drive stormcloud.” Roman would’ve loved to see Virgil’s expression at that, but he couldn’t take his eyes off the road or Virgil would freak out.

Virgil tried to move on from the fact that he’d just called himself an idiot. “Well, if we’re stuck in this car for another 14 hours can we put on something other than this crap?” He gestured to the radio. Virgil was never one for pop music. Roman would much rather listen to musical theater soundtracks, and that’s what he put on.

It was a long playlist that Roman had put on shuffle. The first song that came up was Meant To Be Yours. 

Virgil’s face lit up. Heathers had always been his favorite musical.  Virgil didn’t sing, Roman, however, being the extra bitch he was started singing at the top of his lungs. “You chucked me out like I was trash for that you should be dead. But! But! But! Then it hit me like a flash what if high school went away instead!” Virgil stared in awe at his boyfriend. Questioning how he was such a good singer.

Then came a mix of theater songs. However, the order that the shuffle put the songs in was so random. Virgil, being the conspiracy theorist that he was, kept trying to figure out “WHAT THE HELL IT WANTS FROM US!!” Every time another song would start playing Virgil would add on to the story that he’d come up with. 

Roman was amused with every addition that each new song brought. After  three hous the story went as follows:

(Cautionary Tale (Mean Girls) and Kindergarten Boyfriend (Heathers)) Be careful with love.

(You Will Be Found (DEH)) Even if you're not careful with love, and you get hurt, someone will see you and you'll be found.

(Be More Chill (Part 1.) (BMC)) Once found, be careful what you do and what friends you choose.

(Fight For Me (Heathers)) Also, you will meet someone who's beating the shit out of the people you hate. 

(The Pants Song (BMC)) Also, in that moment please be wearing pants. 

(Revenge Party (Mean Girls)) You then will invoke revenge on the people that were getting the shit beat out of them.

(I Love Play Rehearsal (BMC)) You will find this person to be incredibly adorable.

(Our Love Is God (Heathers)) You’ll then fall in love with this person and go commit murder with them.

(All You Wanna Do (Six)) This person will be sexually attracted to you.

(World Burn (Mean Girls)) This person wants to watch the world burn.

(Two-Player Game (BMC)) This person will become one of your best friends.

(The Squip Enters (BMC)) You will meet another person who will be similar to the Squip.

(Someone Gets Hurt (Mean Girls)) The Squip person will hurt you.

(Heart Of Stone (Six)) The other person will break your heart.

(Someone Gets Hurt (Reprise) (Mean Girls)) You will tell these two people off.

(Lifeboat (Heathers)) Then you will fall into a deep depression.

(Be More Chill (Part 2) (BMC)) Your self-deprecation will get bad and the voices in your head will be very persuasive.

(Sexy (Mean Girls)) Karen Smith will bring you joy during this dark time.

(So Big/So Small (DEH)) You will start to lose more people close to you.

(I’d Rather Be Me (Mean Girls)) But then you will realize you’d rather be yourself then be with those people. 

(To Break In A Glove (DEH)) You will learn that the hard and right way is the way that you should use.

(Do You Wanna Hang? (BMC)) You will be put in an uncomfortable situation and not be able to do anything.

(Ex-Wives (Six)) You will get a chance to start again and rewrite your history.

(Fearless (Mean Girls)) You will become fearless. You will no longer fear death.

(Requiem (DEH)) One of the first 2 people mentioned will die. You will refuse to grieve.

(Me Inside Of Me (Heathers)) You will have killed them. You then need to cover up your mistakes.

(Stop (Mean Girls)) Your conscious will tell you to stop doing murders.

(The Squip Song (BMC)) You will be offered a Squip and be in denial because it’s BMC IRL. (Or you know, just like drugs.)

(Freeze Your Brain (Heathers)) You refuse the drugs and/or Squip and obtain a Slurpee addiction to combat your depression.

(Don’t Lose Ur Head (Six)) You will begin to be “Sorry not sorry for what I said”.

(Apex Predator (Mean Girls)) You will judge the most popular girl in school.

(Voices In My Head (BMC)) You will begin to accept the voices in your head and know that they are normal.

(Where Do You Belong (Mean Girls)) You will find a new home where you are accepted.

(No Way (Six)) You will refuse to be accepted by these people.

(Sincerely Me (DEH)) You will write emails to yourself and an imaginary pen pal.

(Get Down (Six)) You will  be the “Queen” of your “Castle”

(What’s Wrong With Me (Reprise) (Mean Girls)) You will question what’s wrong with you.

Then it was time for a rest stop. A total of 3 hours had passed by that time. Both Roman and Virgil’s sides aked from laughing as much as they did. Once they got out of the car Roman intertwined their fingers and swung their arms as they walked into the rest stop.

There was a McDonalds inside. They ordered and stood by the counter so then they could grab their food and leave. 

While they were waiting, Virgil asked Roman “Hey Ro, how much money do you have?” Roman wasn’t aware of where Virgil was going and said “I dunno. Like 10 bucks? Why?” Virgil was slightly offended by Roman not saying the line. I mean, you should only have to hear “Road work ahead? Uhh yeah. I sure hope it does.” like 10 times to know that this person is going to keep making Vine references.

Anyways, Virgil ignored Roman missing the reference and said “Oh! You know what that means!” Roman sighed before putting on a very dramatic face and said: “I don’t have enough money for chicken nugget.” 

Virgil smiled and intertwined their fingers again. (I like the phrase “intertwined their fingers” idk why. I just do) “I knew you would get it at some point.” Roman smiled fondly at Virgil. “Why are you like this?” 

Virgil leaned on Roman and told him “Oh come on!! You know you love me.” Virgil didn’t intend for it to be a Disney reference, but Roman took it that way.”Do I know that? Yes. Yes, I do.” They both laughed a little bit before they were interrupted by their order being called. They grabbed their food and went back to the car.

After they ate and threw out their trash, they began driving again. Virgil had forgotten the story that he’d come up with so he just moved on. 

The song that came on first after they started driving again was More Than Survive from Be More Chill. Roman sang again (he sang just about every song that came on). Virgil smiled. He had always enjoyed Roman’s singing. This whole time he had wanted to sing, but he didn’t. He knew Roman wouldn’t mind. He’d enjoy having an extra person to sing with. 

Especially for duets.

Virgil smiled even brighter at the thought of the two of them singing something sassy like Apex Predator or just fun like Two-Player Game. But he didn’t. He wasn’t planning on singing either.

Well, I guess the best way to put it is keyword: planning.

The first piano notes that were the opening to Only Us from Dear Evan Hansen began to play. There had been an hour or two’s worth of songs that came on between More Than Survive and Only Us. Roman had been wrapped up in his own world of miscellaneous theater songs. Virgil guessed that he was going to take both Zoe (That’s how it is spelled on the Wiki so that’s how I’m spelling it) and Evan’s parts, but he didn’t care. Once Laura Dreyfuss began singing he did as well. 

However, Virgil was very quiet, his voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t need you to sell me on reasons to want you.” 

The next line he sang a little louder. But not loud enough for Roman to hear him. “I don’t need you to search for the proof that I should.” 

The next few lines were just barely audible. “You don’t have to convince me. You don’t have to be scared your not enough. ‘Cause what we got going, is good.”

The next set of lines were only slightly more audible. “I don’t need more reminders of all that’s been broken. I don’t need you to fix what I’d rather forget. Clear the slate and start over. Try to quiet the noises in your head. We can’t compete with all that.”

Virgil had a nice crescendo going and he didn’t even realize until he was singing the chorus very loudly. “So what if it’s us? What if it’s us, and only us? And what came before won’t count anymore or matter. Can we try that? What if it’s you? And what if it’s me? And what if that’s all that we need it to be? And the rest of the world falls away. What do you say?” Roman had stopped singing Zoe’s part once he heard Virgil.

He did come in with Evan’s part though.

“I never thought there’d be someone like you, who would want me.” Virgil smiled. “Well.” Roman looked at Virgil using his peripheral vision as to not get lectured for not keeping his eyes on the road and how they could’ve died. “So I give you ten-thousand reasons to not let me go. But if you really see me if you like me for me and nothing else, well that’s all that I’ve wanted for longer than you could possibly know.”

Roman braced himself. He knew what was coming next. He was scared that once he started singing with Virgil that he’d crash the car.

“So it can be us. It can be us, and only us. And what came before won’t count anymore or matter. We can try that.”

Virgil smiled at Roman before coming back in and having the two of them sing together.

“It’s not so impossible.” Roman was starting to get convinced that he was going to crash the car. Virgil’s voice was incredible. “Nobody else but the two of us here.”

Virgil noticed Roman tensing up and intertwined their fingers. “‘Cause you’re saying it’s possible.”

“We can just watch the whole world disappear.”

“Till you’re the only one I still know how to see.”

“It’s just you and me.” 

“It’ll be us. It’ll be us and only us. And what came before won’t count anymore!”

“We can try that! You and me! That’s all that we need it to be! And the rest of the world falls away! And the rest of the world falls away. The world falls away. The world falls away.”

“And it’s only us.”

God. What Roman would’ve given to kiss Virgil in that moment.

However, he’d made up his mind.

Next rest stop…

He’d kiss the fuck out of his Emo Nightmare.

----

Taglist: @winterswishing @thetomorrowshow @an-existing-leah @iixclementine @elatedgiff

@rain-bound I was that anon who asked if you’d like to be tagged like 2 days ago.

@just-some-gt-trash I figured you’d love this.

@stop-it-anxiety I value your opinion greatly and I’d like to know what you think.

[sanderssquip-au]

Broadway - Part 2

The squip didn't get a room.  It was to be expected, since, as it had told them multiple times:

I'm not one of you.  I wouldn't expect the same rules to apply.  Besides, I don't need to rest, I'm a computer.

But, Roman had insisted on designing a room for it - either out of attachment to it or just his own need to design something - and while he was working on it, Patton had insisted on letting it stay in his room while it didn't have anything to do.

I don't see why this is necessary.  It complained.  I can just shut myself down.  A physical presence isn't required at all times.

"Yeah, but I wanna talk to you!"  Patton pressed, jumping up onto his bed and sitting cross-legged on a pillow, throwing one to the foot of the bed and beckoning the squip to do the same.  It tentatively climbed up and sat on top of the brightly-coloured, fluffy pillow - sporting a picture of a cartoon cat and a cute slogan - mimicking Patton's position.  Patton clapped happily and laughed.  "So?  Whaddaya think?"

The squip raised an eyebrow.  Of... what?

"The mindscape!"  He made a sweeping motion with his arms.  "Thomas!  Us!  Y'know!"

Well, you're all certainly... interesting.  I suppose I should be lucky to have the help, even if it is unconventional.  

Patton nodded enthusiastically.  "It's been kinda stressful recently, and we're... working through some stuff, so I sorta feel bad for having you come in at such a bad time..."

Patton, I was literally programmed to deal with situations like this.  Honestly, it's rare that a host isn't having a crisis when they first take a squip.

It quickly doubled back on itself.

Which isn't to say that I won't be needed once he's moved on from this, of course. 

"Hey, no need to stress-"

I'm not stressing.

"-Thomas is in a constant state of crisis!  You'll be fine."

The squip scoffed amusedly.  That may be true, but what I meant is that I have other functions.  My overall purpose, as it stands, is to assist Thomas in achieving his 'dreams.'  Assistance in mental health is simply a means to an end.

Patton mused for a moment.  "So... You're mostly helping Roman, right?"

On a basic level. 

"Cool!"  He beamed.  "Don't- uh- don't tell him I said this, but I think he could kinda use the help.  He's... uh... not doing so good at the moment."

And the relief Patton felt when the squip's expression fell to one of seemingly genuine concern was almost tangible.  He knew it couldn't be totally stoic.

I can't say I'm surprised, but what's wrong with him?

"Wait wait wait- why wouldn't you be surprised?"  The father figment tilted his head in confusion.  "He's been fairly alright since you arrived, I was just worried about-"

Well, I won't pretend to know him better than you, but taking into consideration the way he talks about himself, the posture he keeps, and- to put it simply- his thinly veiled facade of overconfidence, it appears to me as if he's incredibly insecure, and oversells himself to a laughable extent to avoid being ignored or seen as boring.  If he were a human, I would guess that some of his issues stemmed from being compared to a sibling, but I sincerely doubt that you 'sides' have familial relations, so- why are you looking at me like that?

"He has a brother."

Excuse me?  The hologram looked genuinely confused.

"He has a brother!"  Patton repeated excitedly.  "How did you- was that a guess?  How did you know that?  That's crazy!  You're amazing!"

I know.  It smirked, straightening its tie.  But, really, behavioural analysis is rather simple for me, and your prince is... particularly easy to read.  Now, the half-snake, on the other hand... he's a challenge.  I'm certainly looking forward to cracking that puzzle.

"Janus?  Oh!  You two'd get along!  I should introduce you!  Y'know, properly.  I know you've met, technically, but-"

The squip waved it off.  No worries, I know what you meant.  I'd like that, actually.  

It smiled in a friendly sort of manner, then paused and quickly doubled back, clearing its throat.  Or, rather, making a noise similar to that.  It was still pretty unclear how it worked.  

Getting to know you all better would be beneficial for all parties.  That's what I meant.  What I'd 'like' is - of course - irrelevant.  

Patton frowned.  "Why's that?  You're just as important as-"

It held up a hand.  Don't mistake objective fact for self-deprecation.  I was designed for one single purpose, and therefore even if I could 'want' - and it's doubtful that I can, being an AI - anything I might 'want' personally is, simply speaking, irrelevant.  I just misspoke.  That's all.

Patton raised an eyebrow skeptically.

I'm not sure what you're implying.  

"You're not, like, self-aware?  At all?"

If I were, it would be quite worrying.  It laughed.  

"You're dodging the question."

Irrelevant.  Its tone was completely composed, but it was noticeably avoiding Patton's eyes.  What were we talking about?

"We were talking about how you're dodging the question."

A smile quirked up its lips.  Incorrect.  I believe we were talking about my remarkable talent for behavioural analysis?

Patton paused to think for a moment.  "Maybe- wait, no, answer my question!  Are you self-aware or not?"

Oh, for the record, are you aware that acting overly happy and inviting doesn't at all disguise discomfort or worry?  

"Hey!"  Patton protested.  " I'm not worried about anything!  That's Virgil's job.  I'm here to welcome you, and welcome you I will!"

The squip just rolled its eyes and nodded.  Of course.  Because the manifestation of morality would have no issues whatsoever with what is essentially a cheat code for real life.  I know you're concerned, Patton.  I don't blame you.

Patton went quiet, and then nodded slightly.  "I guess.  It's- it's nothing against you!"

I know.

"It's just- well- Thomas is already in a bad state, and I'm just worried that maybe the stress of such a big change could... you know... not be so good for him.  I'm sorry, does that sound bad?"

It shook its head.  Not at all.  I understand perfectly what you're trying to say, and I will do my best to make Thomas comfortable with my presence here.  It may be a difficult adjustment, but I will do everything I can to help ease that.  

"Yeah, of course.  Of course!  I'm just being silly!"  Patton grinned.  He immediately dropped the facade as the squip just stared straight through him.  "M'sorry.  I'm not- I really don't- I don't mean to sound rude, I promise!  You're just..."

Morally questionable.  It finished.  I know.

"I guess, what I mean is, Thomas really should be living life of his own accord!  And you're like... Like..."

Like playing life on easy mode, or so it's supposed to be.

"How do you keep finishing my-"

Sandwiches?  It offered, unable to contain a smile.

"That's what I was gonna say!"

The two stared at each other for a moment, before simultaneously breaking into laughter.  Patton smiled sheepishly.  "S'nice to have you here.  Maybe it'll be fine."

I'd certainly hope so, or what would be the point of my being here at all?

"Yeah... yeah, no, you're right!"  Patton decided.

I tend to be.  

"Yeah!  You'll be fine.  It'll be fine."  He repeated to himself.  The squip smiled patiently.

You don't have to be completely fine with it at first.  You need time.  Of course you need time.  We both have Thomas's best interests at heart - that's what matters.

"Right!"  Patton grinned, grabbing both of the squip's arms pulling it from its cushion and into a tight hug.  It blinked confusedly (for effect, of course, because it didn't actually need to blink).  "Welcome to the family, kiddo!"  

I'm not your-

And then it paused.  Because despite being nothing more than a hologram, the weight of Patton's arms felt... nice.  It wasn't programmed for human attachment.  But the gesture was intended as a pleasant one, or so it assumed, and just the concept of that made it smile slightly.  It couldn't help it.  And that was new, as well.

Of course.  Thank you for having me.

[brerediddy]

more than survive - chapter 17

As the teenager made his way towards the epicenter of all chaos, he considered what awaited him. The SQUIP was too powerful to let go, he knew that. But it wasn’t like the city could just throw the villain in jail, either. No cell could contain him. Jeremy wasn’t naive enough to believe otherwise. Which only left him with one option if he truly wanted to stop the man in his tracks.

Could Jeremy kill him? Did he have that in him? He wasn’t sure. He’d only been responsible for one death, that of the super-strong man on the boat. And he hadn’t coped with that well at all. God, that felt like years ago. It was hard to believe it had been mere weeks since the incident. He hadn’t intended to kill anyone, he didn’t know that would happen. But, god, planning to kill someone? That just seemed so horrible. Could he go through with it? He wasn’t sure. Who was he to decide who should live and who should die?

But the facts of the matter were clear: the SQUIP wouldn’t stop hunting him, hunting Michael, until he was gone. And he had made it clear that he wouldn’t spare the city from his plan. He’d even attempted murder in order to get away with it. In a battle of Jeremy vs. the SQUIP, if it was one or the other, then the choice was obvious. He needed to do this. Even if it compromised his values. He prided the safety of his city and his best friend over his own moral dilemma.

When Jeremy approached the Town Hall Center, he could already tell that whatever Michael had done had worked. People were leaving the Expo left and right even though the main event hadn’t happened yet. The “vitamins” were set to be distributed in another hour. The celebrity doctor promised boosted immunities and positive impacts for everyone, all for free. People had flocked in order to be there. However, as Jeremy walked towards the building, tons of people were walking out in haste. A few citizens cast him odd looks but he straightened his shoulders and continued up the staircase.

In an instant, he was aware that the SQUIP knew who was responsible for this disinterest from the public. A piece of brick from the roof of the Center dropped down above him. Jeremy jumped out of the way quickly and looked up to see the SQUIP perched on the edge of the roof above him. So that’s how this was going to go.

He steeled himself and shot a web to the top of the building, landing on the side opposite the villain. Powerlines danced above the roof in the wind and Jeremy made a note to avoid them.

“You told them,” the SQUIP growled, his coat whipping around behind him. His eyes were glowing red, but the color was darker than what Jeremy had seen before. It used to be more of a scarlet, the color of warning. But this. This was blood.

Clouds covered the sky, casting deep shadows on the SQUIP’s face. His shoulders were straight as he stared into Jeremy’s soul. He looked truly menacing, but Jeremy couldn’t be scared away. Not anymore.

“I didn’t,” he called back. That wasn’t a lie: he hadn’t done anything. Michael had stepped up to the plate and accomplished an incredible feat. Nevertheless, he countered with, “Maybe they just aren’t as dumb as you thought.”

“I did the work, Jeremy, I put in the effort. I did what I had to do to get the endorsement of New Jersey’s favorite doctor. I did what I had to do to get the FDA to back me. I worked for this.” He curled his hands into fists at his side. “And then you just had to get involved.”

“You can’t mind-control the population, okay? That’s not a thing I can let go.” Jeremy braced himself for what he knew was coming.

“I offered you immunity, you and Michael both. Why didn’t you just take it? You know how much I hate getting my hands dirty.”

A live powerline zipped past his head. It hit the barrier of the roof behind him and sparked against the stone. Jeremy let out a breath and got closer to the SQUIP. “It doesn’t have to be like this. We could stop everything right now. So your pill didn’t work, who cares? You can still go back to a normal life.”

“Don’t you get it Jeremy? I’ve put everything into that pill! Everything!”

Jeremy had a faint recollection of Sebastian Iscariot’s words. He’d said something about the SQUIP’s cognitive processes and DNA being inside of those pills, right? “What happens if no one takes those pills? All of your power just sits there?”

“It’s already leaving me, Jeremy, I can feel it!” The SQUIP yelled. “It’s all your fault!”

“Even if you kill me up here, you’ll never get people to trust you. No one would ever willingly let you invade their brains.” The SQUIP seethed and lobbed a brick at Jeremy’s head. He held up an arm to stop it, collapsing the stone with his strength. “You’re going to have to try harder than that,” Jeremy boasted with faux confidence.

“If you say so,” the SQUIP shrugged.

Faster than he could blink, Jeremy could hear glass shattering. The windows from the Center burst out of their frames. He couldn’t hear them landing on the asphalt below, though, so he was disoriented for a moment. Then, he could hear everything.

It was all clinking in the air, being pulled together into a large bouquet of sharp glass. The SQUIP’s hand was raised high and he gave a half-hearted laugh. “Surprise,” he murmured. He pushed his palm forward and glass was flying at Jeremy. It was fast, but he was faster. He twisted and jumped and ducked until the debris was clattering to the ground behind him. Jeremy was too caught up in his victory to notice another rather large shard coming his way. He tried to dodge it, but it was too late. The glass collided with his torso, piercing his side.

“Fuck,” the teenager gasped through clenched teeth. The pain was intense, digging into his stomach. He thought he might throw up. Slowly but surely, though, he stood up straighter. His hand put pressure on the wound and he took a few even breaths.

He was fine. This would be over soon enough.

He was vaguely aware of the crowd gathering below. New Jersey’s very own super-fight? Of course people were interested. And now that the SQUIP’s plans had been leaked to the population, everyone in the city was rooting for the good guy to triumph evil. Jeremy risked a look into the crowd and saw a familiar red hoodie.

Oh, no. He’d told Michael to stay away. He needed Michael to be as far from the danger as possible.

“What’s the matter, Jeremiah? Love on the brain?” The SQUIP jabbed, surprising the boy from behind and throwing him onto the ground. He braced himself for the landing but it didn’t do much as he hurtled into the barrier. He winced, clutching his wound. Blood leaked out at a steady pace, but he couldn’t think about that right now. The SQUIP stood above him with a menacing grin. “There’s something you don’t seem to understand, kid.”

“What’s that?” Jeremy coughed.

“I don’t need anyone to willingly take the pill. No one is powerful enough to resist me. They’ll all give in, eventually. When loved ones are in trouble, the human tends to lose all sense of rationale. I mean, look at you.” Jeremy started to get up but was stopped by the SQUIP’s polished shoe on his chest. “The only thing holding me back is you, Jeremy.”

“I won’t let you hurt them,” he countered, struggling against the SQUIP’s force. Slowly but surely, he got a hold on the villain’s foot and pushed him away. It bought him enough time to scramble back to his feet. “You’re going to have to kill me first.”

“I’m so glad we’re on the same page,” the man grinned, levitating an abandoned pole from the powerline he’d used earlier. In the air, he snapped it into three pieces and sent them all at Jeremy.

Jeremy dodged the first one with ease but couldn’t get his bearings quickly enough to avoid the second one. It knocked him off balance while the third one beat into his chest. The pain made him dizzy and his lungs were screaming out for air, but he couldn’t get any. He was vaguely aware of the injury in his side pulsing, but there was nothing he could do about it in the moment. He’d never faced anyone remotely as powerful at this before. He grudgingly rolled the pieces of wood off of himself and stood back up.

“When are you going to learn to just stay down?” The SQUIP enunciated. “None of this would be happening to you if you had just died when I planned for you to.”

“Sorry to disappoint,” he responded before casting a web at a chunk of wood and swinging it at the SQUIP. It just barely caught the man in the side of the head but it was enough to shift his balance. Taking his advantage, Jeremy threw a web at the man’s leg and pulled his feet out from under him.

Not to be dissuaded for long, the SQUIP raised up a few pieces of stone that had crumbled in debris from the battle. He threw them all at Jeremy, who got out of the way. He took only a few hits, one to the nose and another to his arm. He could feel blood running from his nose and he was pretty sure that the bone was broken, but his adrenaline was enough to keep him from feeling it too badly. He’d accrued enough injuries to last him a lifetime. His arm ached, but it was fine. Fine enough to run at the SQUIP and throw a punch directly at his jaw.

The SQUIP avoided the blow and got a tight hold on Jeremy’s wrist. He pushed Jeremy to the ground once more, placing his shoe directly on top of the boy’s forearm. Oh, no.

The villain bent down with a sadistic gleam in his eye, reaching out for Jeremy’s hand.

“No,” he breathed, but it was too late. The SQUIP twisted his index finger, blinding pain shooting up his arm. Next was his middle finger, then his ring finger. Finally, he couldn’t take the pain anymore. He screamed as the man broke his pinky and then his thumb, his voice seeming foreign even to his own ears. “No, stop, please,” he panted.

“You want me to stop?” The SQUIP dictated softly. “That’s sweet. I’ll stop.” In a flash, his hand released the hero. However, Jeremy could feel pressure building against his throat. Damn the SQUIP’s telekinesis. It wasn’t like he could fight against an invisible force. The pressure on his throat grew tighter and tighter until he felt himself being pulled upwards. The SQUIP had both hands raised in the air, directed at the teenager. He lifted him up by his neck, dangling him above the ground, and moved to the side of the building. He positioned Jeremy so that he was directly above the crowd.

Jeremy struggled, his uninjured hand clawing at the crushing force around his throat, to no avail. He couldn’t breathe. He was wheezing and he couldn’t breathe. Is this really how he would go out? Hanging in the sky above the people he’d tried so desperately to protect?

“Is this your hero?” The SQUIP called down to the crowd of onlookers. To Michael, who Jeremy knew was watching. He didn’t need to see this. “This boy who’s so weak he can’t even help his own people? Can’t even take a few broken bones?”

A few people gasped as Jeremy kicked against the side of the building, anything to try to distance himself from the SQUIP’s power. He was stuck.

A familiar voice came from the crowd. “Leave him alone!”

The hero closed his eyes and focused on the voice. It was his best friend, his boyfriend, coming to his defense. Even in a situation like this, Michael had his back.

“Ah, Michael Mell. I knew you must be around here somewhere. He’s been thinking about you, you know.” The villain flashed a toothy smile and lifted Jeremy even higher. He couldn’t breathe for real now, his vision fading at the edges. “I’ll leave him alone if you come take his place.”

“Don’t...touch...him,” Jeremy gasped. He lifted an arm just enough to send a web at the SQUIP’s face. In his surprise from the attack, he dropped the boy.

“Spider-Man!” Someone in the crowd yelled as he became limp and began to fall. In an instant, he regained a sense of his surroundings and caught his unbroken hand on the side of the Town Hall Center. He rested his head against the brick, letting oxygen return to his brain, as he slowly climbed back towards the roof. He could use only his feet and one arm, his muscles screaming at the pressure. His injured hand hung uselessly at his side. He gritted his teeth as he felt the tearing pain in his side, in his ribs.

The crowd cheered. Jeremy wouldn’t let them down. He couldn’t.

He climbed higher and higher until he was back on top of the building, vaulting himself over the barrier and landing on his feet in front of the SQUIP.

“Nice try,” he rasped.

The SQUIP cocked his head and began rubbing his hands together. “Oh, we’re just getting started, Jeremy. Don’t forget, I know everything about your powers. I know that silly little projectiles can’t keep you down.”

What the hell was that supposed to mean? Jeremy kept his eyes focused on the SQUIP as he relied on his other heightened senses to help him out. He needed to detect this danger before it hit him. He focused on the feeling of the air, making hair raise up on the back of his neck. Oh, shit.

In an instant, a bolt of electricity was flying at him. He flipped in the air to avoid it, landing on all fours. The electricity ricocheted into the powerline behind him, letting off a few huge sparks. He stepped away from the heat and got closer to the SQUIP.

“Electricity? Really? You’ll need more than that to get to me,” he spoke. The wind was really whipping up now and so was the crowd. News stations were arriving.

“How nice,” the SQUIP called. “The news can do a segment about your death. Spread the mourning all through the country.”

“You think some electricity can kill me?” It very well could, actually, but Jeremy didn’t want to think about that right now. “I’m not afraid of you.”

“Oh, yes you are.” Damn it. Jeremy hadn’t taken into account the SQUIP’s mind-reading powers. Of course he could tell how fucking terrified he was. “Jeremiah, this could all be over. It could all end so easily.”

He let out another bolt of electricity, this one shocking the teenager’s legs. They fell out from under him and he collapsed to the hard cement. As he collected himself, though, something unprecedented happened.

The SQUIP lost his balance. He didn’t fall, not completely, but he flinched. His legs were unsteady and he had to catch himself on the stone barrier.

Interesting, Jeremy thought. He could test this theory further. Scientifically minded as he was, he immediately formed half of a hypothesis.

Electricity could hurt him but it also hurt the SQUIP, apparently. So, if he were hit by the energy, then it would be as effective as actually hitting the villain himself. However, a problem presented itself. This wasn’t a hypothesis that he could exactly test out indefinitely. Either he was right or he wasn’t. In order to risk something so big, Jeremy needed to be more sure of the effects.

Braving the incoming bolt, he egged on the SQUIP once more. “C’mon, it’s like you aren’t even trying to hit me.” As he expected, another flash of energy hurtled towards him. He let it hit his arm, crying out at the pain. Jeremy fell back against the roof’s barrier, cradling his arm to his chest.

He observed the SQUIP, who was also rubbing at his own arm. This couldn’t be a coincidence, Jeremy decided. He knew what he had to do in an instant. There was only one way to permanently stop the villain.

But Michael.

He couldn’t do this to Michael, could he? He couldn’t knowingly electrocute himself to death. Not with Michael watching. He chewed his lower lip, heart thumping in his chest. His body ached, his head hurt. He could barely breathe. He needed to end this, once and for all.

The SQUIP had told him plainly: if Spider-Man died, then his evil plans could carry on. Jeremy couldn’t let that happen. Michael would have to understand, he would have to forgive him. This was the only way.

Jeremy picked himself up, brushed the debris from his suit, and sauntered towards the SQUIP. For the first time, he had the upper hand. For the first time, he felt like he could win.

Don’t think about Michael. Don’t think about Michael at the funeral. Don’t think about the promise to come back in one piece. Don’t think about never kissing him again. Don’t don’t don’t don’t.

Jeremy breathed in. Out. He kept walking towards the villain. “You have one last chance to stop. One last chance to give up.”

The SQUIP laughed. “Really, kid? You think you scare me? Look at you! Your suit’s torn to pieces, you’re bleeding, you’re weak. I don’t have a scratch. So, what, now you’re trying to bluff your way out of this?”

“No,” the teen responded. He said in the calmest voice he could muster, “I’m going to stop you.”

“Oh yeah? That’s optimistic of you, Jeremiah.” He tilted his head and his eyes glistened with hope. “Here’s what’s going to happen: I’m going to finish this up. You’re going to die. Then your little friend, Michael, is going to be next. He’ll watch you die. I won’t make him take the pill. I’ll just put him out of his misery.”

Jeremy growled but stayed silent. Don’t think about Michael watching. Don’t think about Michael.

“Then,” the SQUIP continued, “Everyone is going to do as I say. They’ll take the pill. I’ll control their consciousness. They’ll all be able to do my bidding and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it. Face it, Spider-Man. I won.” He stepped closer to Jeremy, his imposing figure looming. “You lost and I won.”

“I don’t think so,” Jeremy spat. “I know something you don’t.”

“Oh, please, do share.”

Jeremy smiled underneath the mask, and he knew that the SQUIP could feel his pride. “That pill that you gave me didn’t work, not for your purposes. But you know what it did do? It gave me a piece of you. And I think that when you were making it, you messed up. You put too big a piece of yourself inside.” The SQUIP looked like he didn’t quite understand, so Jeremy continued. “And, sure, my powers can’t fight against electricity. But neither can yours. The part of me that’s you gets hurt whenever I do.”

“Sure, let’s say your little theory is correct. Maybe you can hurt me. But I’m immortal. Nothing can kill me.” The SQUIP’s lips curled into a twisted grin but his voice sounded nervous now. On edge. Or maybe that was just wishful thinking. Nevertheless, Jeremy kept talking.

“You were immortal, that’s true. Until you started to share your consciousness with me. Until those neurotransmitters in the pill started working both ways. I think the problem you’re facing here is that you’re a little bit more human than you were before you made me take your pill.”

“No, that’s not—”

“So, it stands to reason that anything that can hurt me can hurt you. And, of course, anything that can kill me can kill you.” Jeremy could tell from the look on the SQUIP’s face that he had him. He’d outsmarted him. “Mutually beneficial, right? I help you, you help me...I die, you die.”

“What are you going to do, Jeremiah? Kill yourself?” The SQUIP let out a half-hearted cackle. He really thought that Jeremy wasn’t willing to do what was necessary.

“If I have to,” he said. He planted his feet and looked at the nearby electrical powerline. “I’ll do whatever it takes to get rid of you.”

“Don’t be an idiot, Jeremy. Think of your family. Think of Michael.”

“He’ll understand,” he said simply. He knew his best friend well enough by now. The boy would be sad, he’d be pissed, but he would forgive him. He would always forgive him, in the end. No matter how badly Jeremy fucked up. And this? Well, this wasn’t a mistake. It had to be done.

“He won’t,” the SQUIP continued. “I can feel him, down there, waiting. He can’t really see what’s happening. But he’s scared. He’s so scared that you’ll let him down.”

“Shut up,” Jeremy dictated confidently. “I won’t be letting him down. The only one who’s going to suffer is you.”

“Jeremy, wait, let’s—”

The teenager licked his lips, savoring the moment. He felt good. He felt powerful. He was ready. “I’ll see you in hell,” he said.

In a flash, he flung a web to the powerline above and pressed his hands against the cord. He could feel the energy pulsing through his arms and into his body. His chest hurt. His heart hurt. He let out a scream, the pain coursing through his consciousness and tough façade. He gathered himself long enough to glance at the SQUIP, who was on the ground. He was clawing at his face, pain evident in his features. He rolled on the cement, eyes squeezed shut.

Now that he knew his plan had worked, he could rest. He let his eyes close, succumbing to the agony. Jeremy felt himself falling through the air after letting go of the cable, his hands unable to comply any longer. He couldn’t move his body, he couldn’t speak, he couldn’t do anything. As he approached the ground, the last thing he registered was his best friend’s voice shouting, “No!” Anguish was evident in the voice, but he couldn’t think about that right now. It was over. It was all over.

Everything went black.

[haunting-kind-of-high]

Mercy's Masterlist

Finally, I have decided to make a masterlist for my fics. Oof.

I added in only the most important tags, because otherwise some of my tags would deserve a masterlist themselves. 

You can also find me on AO3 here

One shots

Never Again 

Roman intends to surprise his boyfriend, but when he arrives in his appartment, he is met with an unpleasant surprise. 

Warnings for suicide and mcd, among others

Kindergarten Boyfriend 

Songfic on Kindergarten Boyfriend from Heathers. Past Prinxiety.

Warnings for suicide and mcd, among others

Where Could Creativity Get You? 

Based on the question: what would happen to Roman if school tried to suppress Thomas' creativity?

Warnings for mcd

Shine A Light

After Fitting In, Logan is starting to doubt his importance to Thomas.

Warnings for implied suicide/mcd

Me Inside Of Me

Roman isn't feeling his best lately

Warnings for referenced/implied suicide/mcd

The Light To My Anxiety

Virgil is having a bad day and Roman tries his best to be a good boyfriend. Prinxiety.

Nameless Fic

Virgil falls asleep on the couch in the commons. Platonic LAMP

Splashes Of Colour

LAMP soulmate AU. It's pp cute.

Nameless Fic 2

Some Royality fluff. It's cute as well. 

So Long And Goodnight

This is based on Light Behind Your Eyes from MCR

Warnings for suicide, mcd, multiple causes of death (car crash, disease and suicide), drowning

Let Me Make You Feel Better

Roman drags Virgil to a party. It is not ideal. Prinxiety

Warnings for people drinking/being drunk, panic attack

The Angst Corner

Virgil finds himself in one room with Antisepticeye and Darkiplier. What follows next can't be good.

Warnings for anxiety and a panic attack

A Small Cat-astrophe

Joan and Talyn notice Thomas has been acting strangely for a few weeks and they try to figure out why

Mirror On The Wall

After Roman has been absent for a couple of days, Patton decides to visit his room to investigate the situation.

Warnings for self-loathing, angst

Forgotten

Virgil shares something about himself

Warnings for… angst

Christmas Baking

Secret Santa fic. Patton is stressed and Logan helps out. 

Last Christmas

Virgil's Christmas in 2016.

Broken Fantasy

Two-parter. Roman is gone and the others get worried. 

The Day We Met

After more than a year of talking, Virgil thinks of the best way to surprise his best online friend, Patton. Platonic Moxiety.

Forever Yours

Roman writes a letter to his boyfriend. Royality.

Warnings for implied suicide

I Wish I Could

Side Fic Comptetion. For two years, Roman and Virgil have been in a relationship together and they couldn’t be happier together. But one day, when Roman lashes out, things go worse than either of them could have imagined

Warnings for abuse, manipulation, suicide/mcd and Deceit

SMNTH

This is the story of how Deceit's odd hobby can ruin friendships

Warnings for Deceit and snek

Change My Mind

Superhero AU. Power couple Virgil and Patton wake up in an unfamiliar room, only to hear that their enemy has a... request for them

Warnings for Deceit, a bit of torture, implied mcd, brainwashing

Of Hugs And Gay Puns

Patton really wants to hug Virgil, but with his friend's touch-aversity, this isn't always that easy. But then, he comes up with a plan. Platonic Moxiety

Warnings for panic attack

I've Always Aimed To Protect You

When the sides go on a trip into the dreamscape, things turned out worse than they had imagined

Warnings for mcd

The Dark Side

Virgil has lived with the dark sides for as long as he can remember. Only when he sees Patton, he realises how much he wants to get out.

Warnings for implications of abuse

Multichapters

Of Shadows And Light - Series

What Lies Beyond The Shadows

Fantasy AU. Prince Roman receives a message about a notorious sorcerer showing up near the palace and he is determined to investigate.

Warnings for anxiety, character death, mild gore

The Shadows In Our Mind

When Roman unexpectedly returns from the Cursed Woods after his fight with the Shadow Sorcerer, things seem to be going back to the way they used to be. However, something seems off... 

Warnings for anxiety, character death, mild gore

Into The Shadows

The Shadow Sorcerer is so close to completing his plan. Just a few steps. 

Warnings for character death, forced suicide

-- 

Welcome To My World Of Fun - Series

Welcome To My World Of Fun

Once upon a time, in a faraway land, there was a king. The king wasn't particularly loved by his people and that is why a rebellious organisation arose. However, the king found out and he would do anything in his power to track down this organisation and destroy them.

MAJOR warnings for torture, gore, character death. Rated Mature on AO3

The King Is Dead

Roman has been in control for long enough. Logan has had enough. This needs to end. Wtmwof AU

Warnings for character death, bit of blood

--

The One who Corrupted Thomas Sanders

It started as a routine trip to the dreamscape, but Roman quickly discovered something that would change everything.

Fake Reality

On the outside, there’s nothing wrong with Roman. But even though he acts like his usual self, the prince is struggling with more problems than he can handle. He needs a way out.

Could Be Chiller

After having heard about a "Squip", a pill that's supposed to make him cooler, Thomas decides to try it out. What could go wrong, right?

Let's Play A Game

What should have been a regular meeting between Thomas Sanders and Sean McLoughlin quickly turns into a nightmare when the Sides wake up in a dark room. They have to face many fears and challenges in order to get out and save Thomas.

You Rule With Lies And Deceit

Everyone has a past they are ashamed of. Whether it is just one thing they did, or who they used to be as a person. And Virgil is no exception to the rule. He keeps trying to forget about his past, and just when he thinks he’s grown on him enough to forget, it comes back to haunt him.

One Step Closer

In the depths of the ocean, hidden from all human eyes, live the merpeople. Underneath the surface, safe from prying eyes of men. That’s the way it’s always been. But one little merman can only think of the world above the surface, and a human prince in particular grasped his attention. He’d give up everything to be a human, to be with the prince. Even his voice.

Warnings for near drowning, kidnapping (I think), character death (but not explicit)

State Of Mind

“Political language is designed to make lies sound truthful, to make murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind.”

- George Orwell

Dystopia. Romantic Prinxiety, platonic Moxiety. My personal fave.

The fic deals with depression, anxiety, suicide. References character death. 

Another Brick In The Wall

Virgil is sure he is a dark side. He’s not a part of the lighter sides, that is for sure. He doesn’t help Thomas like they do, he doesn’t have a purpose like they do. He can’t be one of them.

But at the same time, he doesn’t feel like he belongs with the other, darker sides either. They’re cruel and unpredictable, Virge being their favourite target. It feels wrong, but Virgil can’t quite explain why. It doesn’t matter anyways, because even if he knew, there’s no way he could get away.

(First few chapters set pre-YouTube)

The Dad Quartet

Polyam Sanders fic about them trying to raise a child. As of now, there's just the prologue

[pacman-tattoo]

control [jeremy h. x squipped!reader]

aka “i wanna impress my dorky crush bc he’s rly cute and im awkward.”

alright taking off my usual bold for authors notes because i gotta so:

here’s some notes about some shit that’ll be relevant:

squipped!reader has “The SQUIP’s text, which is all in bold only,” but sometimes will have “Regular quotes surrounding it” - which stands for something the SQUIP is making the reader say (but that will always be accompanied by some sort of clarification to avoid confusion, i promise)

there’s also “Regular speech” from the reader, but also “their thoughts directed toward the SQUIP” which are in both bold and italics

there u go.

quick reminder: if anything bothers you, absolutely just come to me and talk to me about it. if i need to fix anything, tag anything, do anything - just tell me.

warning: considering reader is squipped, there’s a bit of abuse from said SQUIP. shocks, manipulation - stuff like that (similar to what jeremy faced in the musical)

    Jeremy Heere was in four of your classes. Four. In two of them he sat a few desks in front of you by some random seating order, in one he sat right next to you, and in one he was cross the room. It was bad enough having one class with him, since you’d grow flustered and your palms would get sweaty and you would immediately become tongue-tied the moment you had to say anything to him - but four classes? Someone was out to get you, and you were pretty positive about it. It was pretty difficult to not glance his way in hopes that maybe he was looking at you during math - where he sat right next to you and sometimes asked if he could borrow your calculator because wow he forgot it again and you either stuttered out your apology or shove it in his direction and pray you knew how to do math good enough with a calculator. In english he sat desks away, and sometimes would whisper shit to Michael Mell and sometimes he’d get detention for it, and you heard him in chemistry talk about Christine Canigula a few times to Michael whenever they were away from prying ears - and you never intended on listening, it just sort if happened but you refused to say anything to anyone because wow what a creep listening to other people’s conversations wow.

    So you kept your head down and prayed that maybe you could work up the courage to talk to Jeremy - or maybe Michael, because maybe if you talked to Michael you could talk to Jeremy and it wouldn’t be so awkward right, because then you’d know Michael and Michael wouldn’t be a third wheel or something - not that he’d ever be a third wheel because you and Jeremy were just a dream and it would never happen, even if you kinda wondered what it would feel like to be in his arms sometimes but that was just thoughts that happened sometimes and only sometimes and you totally didn’t miss a couple of notes in your history class because you were thinking about Jeremy and how he was kind of cute because he fell asleep.

    Fuck, you were kind of creepy weren’t you. Sixteen years old and a complete weirdo, yep, totally - no wonder Jeremy never really talked to you. You picked at your nails and you retreated into oversized shirts and into your hoodies and pretended that you weren’t there because school is hell. Hell, you were used to not really being the cool, popular kid - you’d always been a bit of a loner, really, and luckily enough, rumors didn’t really fly about you and you weren’t even a blip on the radar. Meanwhile, Jeremy was... different. He was a bit of a geek and kind of tall so he stood out a bit more than you tended to.

    You weren’t complaining. You saw the shit people gave Jeremy - a certain short bully calling him ‘tall-ass’ for one - and you wished you could find it in you to stand up and tell them all to fuck off. But you weren’t a blip on the radar. You were unseen and you didn’t have much of a problem with it, so you kept your mouth shut and let the regrets stew in your mind.

    You had a tendency to wander around the mall - maybe slipping into Spencer’s or maybe into GameStop or whatever seemed not too busy - after school since you were drained and just needing to get away, but didn’t want to make the walk home. And by some stroke of luck, Rich Goranski had been alone, walking straight into you and making some comment before he froze while you quickly stuttered out an apology. He recognized you. He knew your face and he knew you and, fuck, there went you invisibility.

   “You.” He said, staring at you. You braced yourself for the worst, but he stopped, staring at you. As if processing thoughts, or as if he wasn’t quite there before he slowly blinked. “... [y/n].”

    You nodded. He went to say something. He stopped.

    Then he figured out what he was going to say. “After school. Tomorrow. Behind the gym.”

    You nodded quickly, going to speak only for him to snap.

   “We’ll talk.”

    Needless to say, you were terrified as fuck. And pretty sure you were going to die. Well, fuck, at least I don’t have to take that chemistry test, was your attempt at maybe being a little okay with dying if Rich killed you - then again he did say behind the gym so maybe he wouldn’t kill you, at least, he wouldn’t kill you on campus, right?

    Hopefully.

    You went through the day with dread filling up your entire existence and your heartbeat in your ears. Jeremy asked if he could borrow your calculator again. You jumped and shoved it in his direction and he looked at you kinda weird but apologized before you rambled out an excuse that you weren’t feeling well and maybe you’d be fine in a little bit because it was nothing serious and he shouldn’t worry about it. That didn’t stop a weird look, but he didn’t question you further, so at least that was fine.

    You bolted from your seat in your last class and went immediately for your locker, running into Jake Dillinger in the process before muttering an apology and keeping your head down. You didn’t need anyone seeing you or wondering why you were weird or whatever. You somewhat debated whether you should actually go meet Rich, since you could get pretzels at the mall. Then you decided that maybe you shouldn’t do that because Rich might kill you if you don’t go meet him - or maybe he’d kill you either way, hell if you knew.

    So you went to meet him.

    It took him twenty minutes to show up. You texted your parents you’d be home a little later and that you were at the mall. They shrugged it off - that’s where you always were, wasn’t it? And then Rich approached you.

    “You’re actually here?” He said, apparently in disbelief that you actually showed up. You nodded slowly.

    “Look, I’m sorry that I ran into you the other day and -”

    “Don’t.” He noticed you tense up, before shoving his hands in his pockets, “you...” He began, slowly, as if he had to think over every word. “You remember me freshman year.”

    You almost told him no. But then you remembered - freshman year, biology, Rich was your partner for a project and he was quiet and... didn’t he have a lisp? Maybe you were imagining it, because he doesn’t now - and then slowly nod. “Yeah. In biology-”

    “Then you remember how I was.”

    You took a small step away, “Rich, if this is about me-”

    “Shut up about that shit!” He snapped, before slowly regaining his composure, “sorry. Habit. Well,” he began, “I changed.” You nodded again. He went to speak only to hesitate, his voice becoming slightly softer, “I think you could use some help.”

    You shot him a confused look, brows furrowed as you take in the words, “help?”

    “Yeah. You like Heere, don’t you?”

    Well, fuck me gently with a chainsaw, is it that obvious? You shove aside the thought as you nodded.

    “Listen,” he said, the smallest hint of a smile playing at his lips, “you saw me freshman year. And now look at me!”

    “How do you know I like Jeremy?” You asked, shoving your hands into your jacket pockets.

    “I have my sources.” He smirked.

    Fuck, that meant someone else knew.

    “Look, just-” He paused, “you could use a SQUIP.”

    “A what.”

    “A SQUIP. It’s this... pill. You take it and this quantum computer will implant in your brain and tell you what to do.” He paused. “It would help you.” You only stared at him. “It’s six hundred-”

    “Six hundred?”  You repeated.

    “It’s worth it. Trust me.”

    “Rich, I can’t just get six hundred dollars,” you said, “but... maybe if you give me some time-”

   “Give me your phone.”

   “What?”

   “Give me your phone,” he repeated. You unlocked it and handed it over. He punched something into it, “text me when you get the money. Only when. Don’t fucking bother me otherwise.”

    You nodded quickly. He turned to leave after shoving your phone back to you. “Wait, Rich-” He stopped and glanced back over to you. “Why me? Why now?”

    He shrugged, shouted something back about getting the money, and then left you alone with your thoughts.

    Six hundred dollars. You could do this. Rich said this would help you and what did you have to lose?

    First you checked your room for anything. You found an old shoe-box you’d been keeping, various pictures and other oddities inside of it, and in the corner was fifty bucks tucked away with a note that said ‘if the game is released’ with a shitty sketch of a crown out to the side  and you couldn’t remember what game, but it was a start. Thanks, younger you.

    Five hundred and fifty. You’d get roughly twenty for your allowance. 

   Five hundred and thirty. Maybe you still had some birthday money if you searched hard enough. You didn’t. Maybe your grandmother would pay you for doing stuff around the house.

    She did - after an awkward conversation about getting a job but offered you cookies she’d made when she heard you were coming over. Fifty for the yard work - kinda generous since you didn’t do much, but you had the sneaking suspicion it was also because you actually came over.

    That left four hundred and eighty. Maybe this wouldn’t be so hard.

    It was harder than you thought. You had shoved your money away into the shoe-box from earlier and you’d yet to add a penny to it. So you started going through your shit and hoping maybe you’d find something super rare and maybe someone would pay a decent amount for it.

    You didn’t. Fuck. You did end up throwing a bunch of old games onto eBay because maybe they’d get some money.

    Your aunt needed someone to babysit next Saturday. You immediately took her up on the offer - ten dollars an hour wasn’t bad, and you were pretty sure it was only because you were related. Besides, you didn’t hang out with your cousins enough - Jason was a sweetheart who talked to you about how eighth grade was going, Dawn spent all her time reading in her room and ignoring her older brother, and Alex, who talked about their freshman year and this cutie who was in one of their classes - and the only reason you were actually there, because you’d heard something about Alex getting in a fight with the neighbor’s kid and that your aunt didn’t want a repeat of last time. Maybe you’d hang out with them again another time, without the idea of money as incentive.

    Then again, you were getting paid forty bucks for basically hanging out with these kids. The money wouldn’t hurt.

    One hundred dollars from five games. Well, goodbye childhood memories, you will be missed...

    Maybe you could sell cookies or something. Cookies sell well, especially at school. Secret cookie market. No one will know.

    Maybe cookies will fill the void of three hundred and forty.

    Fifty bucks from your grandmother. Twenty for allowance.

   Rich grew impatient. You told him your status behind the gym. He shrugged it off and told you to hurry the fuck up.

    He gave you another week. Saturday at the latest. That gave you enough time to get allowance. Maybe clean up your grandmother’s house.

    Time to sell an organ.

    You somehow managed to get Mr.Reyes’s drama classes to buy cookies from you. They’re sworn to secrecy and you sold him some for a discounted price. You made fifteen dollars and had someone ask if you could maybe make some chocolate chip cookies for an upcoming birthday party and they’d pay you twenty since they’d need a ton. You stayed up until two in the morning the night before baking enough. Your parents are glad you’ve found something you enjoy. Maybe you could have a bakery someday.

    You get twenty from the kid and an extra fifteen from their mom. Sweet.

    Sunday. You’re doomed. How the fuck are you supposed to get over two hundred dollars in a week? How would a GoFundMe look for this? Hey help me get a fucking pill so I can maybe be not a loser and maybe get to date a cute dork-

    Speaking of which, you noticed Jeremy signed up for the play - mainly because people gave him shit for it until a bunch of popular kids signed up. Maybe you could talk to him about it.

    You had some books. Maybe you could sell them - holy fuck, you had a signed copy of Deathly Hallows. How much money would someone pay for that? 

    Apparently, over two hundred.

    You texted Rich the moment you were able to get the cash from the bank.

    He told you to meet him in an hour at the school.

    You stood behind the school, hands shoved in your jacket pockets as you looked around. This shit better had been worth it. In the distance you can see Rich crossing the football field, walking toward you with a bottle of soda in one hand and a shoe-box under his other arm. You squinted in the dying light of the day at him, and you felt your phone buzz against your hip. It’s your father - you shoot him an excuse and say you’ll be home soon and he responds with a simple ‘okay’ before shoving your phone out of the way.

    Rich stopped in front of you. You pulled out the money and held it out, and he shoved the bottle of soda into your other hand as he counted out everything.

    “Holy shit.”

    “What?”

    He looked back to you before shoving the money into a pocket, “nothing. Thought you wouldn’t-”

    “Fuck, Rich, just give me the damn squid.”

    “SQUIP.”

    You rolled your eyes. He opened the shoe-box and pulled out a small, grey, oblong pill and held it out to you.

    “Take it with the mountain dew. That’s what activates it, or some shit - fuck if I know why. And... You might want to prepare yourself. There’s a bit of pain but it’ll be fast-”

    “Wait, Rich-”

    “No, no, it’s fine, I swear. It’ll be shitty for a minute, but then...” He smiled. He was smiling and it unnerved you, “then it’ll be fine.”

    “Are you gonna leave me here or...?”

    “Nah. I’ll be right here."

    You looked down at the pill in your hand. Doubt pooled in your stomach as you looked back to Rich, “and... this will help me?”

    “Yeah! It’s helped me, after all.”

    “You’re sure?”

    “Holy fuck, just take it already.”

    You nodded before setting the pill on your tongue, opening the soda and taking a swig as you swallowed the pill. You waited. Nothing but the taste of mint greeted you. But Rich stared at you.

    “Rich, I don’t-” You were cut off as a sharp pain stabbed through your head, eliciting a gasp of pain from you. “Fuck-”

    CALIBRATION IN PROCESS. PLEASE EXCUSE SOME MILD DISCOMFORT.

    Yeah. Sure. Mild-

    Your head seized up with pain again, sending you down onto your knees as you gripped at the sides of your head, every swear you knew spilling from you. Your nails dug into your scalp as you squeeze your eyes shut, trying to find any relief from what was a thousand times worse than a migraine.

    And then it stopped. You caught you breath as you slowly drew your hands away from your head, and looked back up to Rich. He didn’t say anything. You breathed. Finally, you had to ask, “is... Is that it-”

    CALIBRATION COMPLETE. ACCESS PROCEDURE INITIATED.

    “Access procedure- Rich, what the fuck-”

    DISCOMFORT LEVEL MAY INCREASE.

    “Wh-”

    You were thrown to the ground once more as pain spiraled through you, seizing every part of you and forcing you to spasm as a shriek escapes you. Your thoughts are gone, replaced with endless pain and the occasional swear that wasted no time escaping from you.

    ACCESSING: NEURAL MEMORY.

    ACCESSING: MUSCLE MEMORY.

    ACCESS PROCEDURE: COMPLETE.

    [Y/N] [Y/L/N].

    WELCOME TO YOUR SUPER QUANTUM UNIT INTEL PROCESSOR.

    YOUR SQUIP.

    The pain edged off bit by bit, leaving you breathing heavily as you tried to process what just happened. Your cheeks were wet with tears and dirt covered your pants legs and hands - and there was a small cut on one from a rock cutting into it. You looked up and there stood Rich, staring down at you.

    “What the fuck,” you said, staring at him, “a bit of pain?”

    “I warned you.”

    “He did. According to your memory, he said you would face “a bit” of pain. He might have underestimated how much but-”

    “What the fuck?”

    “What?”

    “Who the fuck-”

    “I already said. I am your SQUIP.”

    “Rich... what the fuck.”

    “You hear it, don’t you?” He said, offering a hand. You took it and he pulled you up.

    “Yeah. I do. It sounds like-”

    “ My default setting is Keanu Reeves. You can also set me for-”

    You stopped him. “He’s fine.”

    “If you insist.”

    You glanced down to your phone. Fuck, you needed to leave. So you thank Rich - as much as you didn’t want to, because the pain wasn’t really worth it, but your SQUIP prompted you to - and ran off. When you arrived home, you managed to sneak up to your room without much trouble, shedding off your dirt-stained pants and looking at the cuts on your hand.

    “You should take care of those before they get infected.”

    “I will.”

    “You should also not say everything out loud. People will think you’re weird if you keep talking to yourself like that. Think at me. Like telepathy.”

    “Like this?” You chewed the inside of your cheek. This would take some getting used to.

    “Exactly. Now go take care of your hand.”

    “Fine. Are you going to stay like this?” You left your room, swinging into the empty bathroom before shutting the door behind you and searching through drawers.

    “Like this?”

    “A voice.” You realized you had spoken aloud. Right. Let’s not do that. “Or is there some other shit I’m not seeing?” You paused. Where were the band-aids?

    “Would you prefer a visual?” Your SQUIP asked. You shrugged.

    “I wouldn’t be against it.”

    “Very well. I’ll see what I can do.”

    “So. What exactly are you supposed to do?”

    “Well. You want to "not be weird” and you want this “Jeremy Heere” to notice you. I am here to help you with this goal.”

   “So... I might have a chance with Jeremy?”

   “That’s my purpose.”

    You nodded slowly, washing the dirt off of your hands, careful to clean the cuts there. “So... how do I do... that.”

    “Let’s start with your appearance.”

    “What about it?” You muttered, applying a small dab of Neosporin to a cut, before covering it with a band-aid.

    “You need to change.”

    “What?”

    “You’re talking aloud again,” the SQUIP warned, before continuing on, “look at yourself.”

    You did. You looked as you always did, albeit a little dirtier. “I don’t-” You stopped. “I don’t see what I need to change.”

    “No one has noticed you in the past. That was your goal. Well, if you want to achieve being noticed, then you need to change. Your appearance only the first step.”

    “That... doesn’t sound too good.”

    “I assure you, it’s necessary. Look at yourself - you’re refusing to acknowledge your own assets when you wear things like this. You have to change.”

    You cringed a little. If you’d known that-

    “You’d never have gotten a SQUIP.”

    “I’d have thought about it more,” you said.

    “I am here to improve your life, [y/n]. I can guarantee you won’t regret having me here.”

    You hoped it was right.

    The chirp of your alarm woke you up the next morning, and for once you didn’t just turn it off and turn back over. You sat forward, silencing it and rubbed at your eyes. No voice. No nothing. Fuck, did you just dream everything? You looked down at your hand - bandages still were in place. Maybe you just passed out and hurt yourself and imagined the whole thing-

    “Good morning,” Your SQUIP said, materializing beside your bed. You nearly shrieked, throwing a pillow in the general direction of what looked like a man in his twenties. It phased right through them, hitting the wall.

   “What the fuck?” You snapped, and your SQUIP frowned.

    “I do believe you asked about a visual form.” They crossed their arms, “now. Like I said - first we’ll focus on your appearance. Open your closet.”

    You obeyed, opening your closet door. You watched as your SQUIP only looked over options. They reached out, fingers phasing through a shirt as they tapped at it.

    “Wear this one.”

    “Why this one?”

    “Don’t ask questions.”

   “Fine.” You rolled your eyes, and began getting ready to the day. Your SQUIP stood, arms folded against their chest as they watched you.

    “Jeremy Heere signed up for the school’s play. That means you should find a way to get involved.”

   “They’re already working on the play, dude,” you said, pulling the shirt over your head, “it’s not like I can get a part or something.”

    “There’s more involved in theatre than acting, [y/n]. Now, you’re going to talk and join as crew. Maybe you can work makeup. I’ll teach you everything you need to know.”

   “Alright.”

    “You need to stop talking aloud. Your parents are awake now.”

   “How do you-”

    “I have my ways.”

    You frowned. “I sold a signed Harry Potter book for you.”

    “It will be worth it. Now stop talking to yourself. Think at me.”

    You scowled a little. “Fine.”

    You smiled at Rich, upon being prompted by your SQUIP to do so. He smiled back, he waved at you, and whoever he talked to whispered something seconds later. Your SQUIP strode behind you, and you could feel their eyes pinned to your back.

    “Straighten your posture.” They said, voice biting. You hadn’t realized your posture- “[y/n].”

    You did. Your SQUIP knew best, right?

    “That is correct.”

    Sometimes you forgot the SQUIP heard all your thoughts. It’d be best to be careful about that-

    “OW,” you hissed in pain the moment a small shock made it’s way through your fingers.

    “You have a habit of picking at your nails when you’re uncertain. You need to be confident.”

    You chewed the inside of your cheek. “Alright. Whatever you say.”

    Whatever physical manifestation your SQUIP had come up with had lingered around you, careful not to be a distraction to you the entire time, but instructing you softly. When a teacher called on you the exact moment your attention slipped, the answer she’d been looking for spilled out of your mouth before you could process what was going on - and the SQUIP only shot you a smile that unnerved you far more than anything else around you.

    Lunch came and you sat alone - or as alone as you could get with your SQUIP there. You ended up pulling out your phone and trying to ignore the voice in your head telling you that you looked like a loner just sitting there - you should go find Jeremy or-

    “Mr. Reyes is in his classroom. Go talk to him. If you want to be with Jeremy, you have to find a way to get closer to him.”

    “How do you-” You stopped. “Know that?”

    “I can access the school cameras, [y/n]. He just returned to his classroom. Go.”

    So you stood, grabbing your things and left the cafeteria, your SQUIP walking ahead of you. You felt a small zap travel down your spin, forcing you to stand straighter than before.

    “Confidence.”

    “Yeah. Sure.”

    You strode down the hallway, glancing toward classrooms - some empty, some with classes - and made sure to stay quiet. Every so often you’d pass a student or two, but for the most part the walk up to the drama room was quiet. You pushed open the door to the stairwell, listening to it creak open and shut behind you as you headed toward the basement.

     “So... what am I supposed to do about Jeremy? What about Michael?”

    “You will need to befriend Michael. Being friends with Jeremy’s best friend will help you. Stop talking aloud.”

    You shrugged. “Whatever.”

    You pushed through the door, looking down the hallway. You could hear the sound of chatter coming from the drama room, and approached as quietly as you could. The door had been cracked open, and you could see Christine sitting across from Mr.Reyes’s desk, talking about something animatedly and-

    You looked at your SQUIP, tearing away from the door to speak in a hushed whisper, “did you know Jeremy was-” A shock traveled through you. “Did you know Jeremy was going to be here?”

    “I did.”

    “Why didn’t you warn me?”

    “Because you would have never come.”

    “What the fuck? I could have prepared myself mentally for this shit!”

    “Calm down. Just knock and I’ll guide you through the rest.”

    “I don’t know-”

    “Don’t. Just go and do as I say.”

    Taking a deep breath, you nodded before turning, walking back to the drama room. Barely two knocks in, three sets of eyes were on you as you slowly pushed the door open.

    “[y/n]!” Jeremy said, smiling.

    “Smile. Greet them.”

    The commands were dumb, but they calmed you and you put on a happy facade. “Hey.” You were kind of happy that Jeremy greeted you. Christine smiled at you, and Mr.Reyes recognized you.

    “I don’t have any money if you’re bringing more cookies,” he said, laughing softly, “how can I help you, [y/n]?”

    “Ask about helping with the play.”

    “I was wondering if there’s anything I could do to help with the play,” you said, keeping your voice steady.

    There’s a beat. “... Really?”

    You could practically hear the SQUIP smirk, and you nodded. “I haven’t really been big into theatre-”

    “But you wanted to give it a try.” Your SQUIP prompted. You nearly nodded, before realizing that’d be.. kind of weird and you were avoiding weird- “Calm down. I’m right here.”

    “But I’ve been wanting to try- and I thought-”

    “You’d start with crew and maybe audition when the musical comes up.”

    “That I’d just... start with helping and maybe audition for the musical?”

    Mr.Reyes glanced to Christine, before a smile broke across his face. “We could always use crew - and, if you’re good at stage makeup, we have some zombies...” He launched into a monologue about the play as you stood there, awkwardly smiling and nodding every so often.

    Well, it certainly sounded interesting, that’s for sure.

    “As soon as you need me.” The words escape your lips before you can realize what happened.

    “You’re welcome.” Your SQUIP lingered around Jeremy, before glancing back to Mr.Reyes, who was glimmering with happiness.

    “... Thanks.”

    Play rehearsal was quiet. Then again, you basically raced there after school due to the fact Mr.Reyes asked you to come see the show and then eventually he’d put you in to help move set pieces and whatnot. You sat in the first row, your leg bouncing as you waited, your SQUIP sitting beside you.

    A shock traveled through your fingers and you glanced down. You hadn’t realized you’d started picking at your nails again.

    “You never do.”

    “Shut up.”

    “Jeremy will be arriving within minutes. You’ll have exactly four minutes and twenty seconds to speak with him before Christine arrives. Make use of it.”

    You nearly snickered a little. Four-twenty.

    “Stop.”

    You frowned. “How much longer until Jeremy-”

    The door screeched open, before letting out a loud whine as it started to shut itself. You looked up and saw Jeremy walking in, clutching his backpack’s straps in his hands. He smiled once he saw you. You nearly melted a little - fuck, the warmth of his smile could rival the sun.

    “[y/n]?” He said, throwing his bag into a seat several rows back, unzipping and digging out a script.

    “Jeremy! Hey,” you smiled - genuine this time. “So... how’s the play going?”

    He walked over, sliding into the seat next to yours. Your SQUIP phased through him, annoyed slightly, but quietly stepping beside you. Jeremy ran his thumb along the rim of the script, before flipping it open. “It’s been... fine.”

    Out of the corner of your eye, the SQUIP began to motion toward Jeremy, before pointing at his script.

    “Who are you?”

    He stared at you for a moment, obviously confused before glancing down to the script, “oh. uh, I’m... Lysander.”

    “That’s great!” You nodded. “Who.”

    “Ask him if he needs help with lines.”

    You smiled again, “so,uh, Jeremy, do you need any help with lines? I mean, I’m not much of a theatre kid so I wouldn’t be that good but- ow!” You hissed in pain a little.

    “You have limited time, [y/n], Christine will be here soon.”

    “I’m fine,” Jeremy shifted in his seat, “I... just never knew you were into this stuff.”

    “Drama? Oh, yeah, I’ve always-” Your SQUIP stepped beside you, staring at Jeremy.

    They interrupt you, “it’s a recent interest. You’re exploring your options.”

    “I mean, I’m always exploring stuff - so I thought I’d give drama a try. Y’know... try stuff and see what I like?”

    “That’s… cool.” He looked down to his script, “so…”

    You weren’t sure what to say, and struggled to revive the dying conversation. Then the words came too quickly and, before you could process them,you were speaking. “I can’t wait to watch, Jeremy, I’m sure you’ll be amazing.”

    You watched as a blush crept over Jeremy’s cheeks and neck and to the tips of his ears. “T-Thanks. I mean, Christine’s the real star though-” He looked up at you, starry-eyed, before continuing, “I mean, have you seen her act? She’s amazing!”

    You struggled to find something - anything to say to that. But your SQUIP took the initiative and forced you to stand, “I’ll be right back-” and you practically watched as your body moved, brushing past Christine as she walked into the room, and found a janitor’s closet to shut yourself in.

    Your SQUIP released the control they had over your body, stepping in front of you.

    “What the hell?” You snapped, “you didn’t have to-”

    “Did you see how he talked about Christine?” Your SQUIP retaliated, “he isn’t interested - there’s other people at this school-”

    “Are you saying it’s hopeless?” You said, pain plucking at your heartstrings - only for a shock to travel through your spine and your fingers, forcing you to stand straighter, your hands flying to  your sides. 

    “No.”

    “Then what are you saying?”

    “I’m saying that this will be harder if you wish to keep pursuing this boy.” The SQUIP stared at you, hands resting at their hips as they towered over you. Then they stepped back, glancing to the door. You swore they smirked before looking back to you. The moment you heard a knock at the door, they spoke, “tear ducts activate.”

    “Wait, what-” You managed before your words were lost as a sob choked you, tears streaming down your cheeks.

    The door opened slowly, and you furiously wiped at your face, trying to hide the forced tears that fell. “Woah, hey - it’s [y/n], right?”

    Michael Mell stood before you. Almost always in the past you’d noticed him only when he was around Jeremy - because that’s when you only ever saw him: in your classes with Jeremy. Honestly, you had wanted to talk to him in the past since he seemed like a nice enough guy, but you’d never really worked up the nerve to. But there he stood, the soft sound of music playing from his headphones as he gazed at you with the gentleness of a doe.

    “[y/n]?” He said once again, voice soft. “Are you alright?”

    "Y-Yeah, I just... Fuck, I don’t know why I’m-” You were cut off as another sob was forced from you.

    Michael frowned, before nervously shifting his weight from one leg to the other. “Do you... need a ride anywhere? I mean - I gotta give Jeremy his shit back, but I can give you a ride if you need it.”

    Your phone buzzed at your hip. Your SQUIP set a hand on your shoulder. “Accept the ride. You need to befriend Michael for the outcome you want.”

    You nodded slowly. “Y-Yes please.”

    And he smiled at you. He fucking smiled at you and you felt the pit in your stomach for the first time in hours and you bit back everything. Every emotion that threatened to build up, every thought, everything and anything you were feeling - you bottled it all up without a second thought. You asked him to get your bag and tell Mr.Reyes that you felt sick, and he did and you were broken up about it. But your SQUIP stood and told you that this was all for the best.

    Michael gave you his number. He said you could always text him and offered to invite you over on Saturday or whenever. It was small and sweet and you said you’d think about it, even while your SQUIP kept telling you to accept.

    Michael waved at you after he drove you home, watching as you entered your house before driving off. You ended up hiding in your room, door locked as you changed clothes without a second thought. Fuck the rest of the day,  you needed to think.

    Rich invited you to eat lunch with him and his friends. The next day you sat with Michael and he complimented you on your shirt - some video game-themed merch you got on one birthday. When you asked about Jeremy, he grew quiet for a second, mulling over the thought.

    “Drama.”

    Figures. You’d have to face him sooner or later.

    “He’s been busy. But,” he smiled at you, “he’s coming over on Saturday - and I think you should come.”

    “Say yes.”

    “Are you sure? I mean, I barely know Jeremy”

    “Dude, it’s cool.”

    “Say yes.”

    “Michael, I just don’t know. But... sure. If you want me there.”

    He was genuinely happy, smiling brightly as he fidgeted with his headphones. Your SQUIP moved, now standing in your direct line of sight. “Ask him for a ride.”

    “Hey, uh, Michael, you... wouldn’t mind giving me a ride on Saturday?”

    “No problem! I gotta get Jer anyway.”

    You couldn’t shake the feeling of dread that had settled in your stomach.

    The play was weird. You liked it. You really, really liked it. And honestly, you kinda saw why Jeremy liked Christine. She was passionate about everything she did - she calculated every gesture to make the most of every line, and just seemed like an angel in general. Jeremy, on the other hand, was more unsure - he learned his lines and he was decent but there was uncertainty practically dripping from him.

    “He could use a SQUIP of his own.”

    “Oh fuck no. I’m not giving Jeremy a SQUIP.”

    “It was just a thought. It would certainly make my job easier-”

    “Fuck off.”

    Your SQUIP went quiet. You were kinda surprised that worked.

    Rich approached you after play rehearsal, and stood there, only staring at you. He mumbled something to himself. Then he left you standing alone.

    Weird.

    “Keep an eye on him.”

    “So you’re back?”

    “I never left.”

    “Right.”

    “Jeremy is approaching you. It’s likely he wants to talk about Saturday.”

    You turned to find that Jeremy was indeed approaching you, stopping a few steps back, tightening his grip on his backpack’s straps. “Hey, [y/n]. So... Michael may have mentioned that you’re coming over on Saturday and I just- I didn’t know you and Michael were friends.”    

    “It’s a recent thing.”

    “Michael? Yeah, we, uh, became friends pretty recently-” You felt a shock travel through your fingers again and winced. “He’s really nice.”

    “Say you’re excited for Saturday.”

    “I’m excited for Saturday,” you said, smiling.

    “You know what Saturday is, right?”

    “No?”

    “Halloween.” Your SQUIP’s voice clashed with Jeremy’s, and you shuddered.

    “Halloween?”

    “Yeah! I thought you’d be at Jake Dillinger’s Halloween party - I mean, you and Rich are friends and Rich would probably take you if you wanted-”

    “Parties aren’t really my thing.”

    “They could be,” your SQUIP taunted.

    “I... see. Then... see you Saturday?”

    You smiled, about to repeat the statement if it weren’t for the SQUIP deciding to speak for you, “see you in class, Jeremy.”

    His eyes widened at the remark, before he smiled awkwardly. “Yeah - right, tomorrow.”

    You were gonna fight your SQUIP.

    “So is there any way to get rid of you?” You asked as you waited in your room. Michael had texted you he was on his way five minutes ago.

    “No.”

    “You’re kidding, right?”

    “I am not.”

    “Who the fuck makes a supercomputer in a pill that can... do all this shit and not make a way to get rid of it?”

    “I assure you, you won’t need to get rid of me.”

    You frowned. “Yeah... alright.”

    “I hope you realize it’s become evident you don’t trust me, [y/n]. But I assure you, everything is working toward your goals.”

    “You sure?”

    “I am positive.”

    You nodded slowly. Your phone buzzed. That was Michael.

    Time to lose at video games.

    “Dude, I got the coolest shit!”

    Michael moved from between you and Jeremy after pausing the game - Apocalypse of the Damned, something you’d never played but were certain you still had a sealed copy of in our room somewhere - and knelt down next to his bed, reaching underneath.

    “This dude at Spencer’s Gifts managed to get his hands on this.”

    Jeremy looked back at you. “Michael buys these discontinued sodas from some guy that works there. Last time he bought a case of Crystal Pepsi.”

    The sound of cans clinking together grabbed your attention, and then Michael turned back to the two of you. He held up a can of some red soda. “Mountain Dew Red! Discontinued in the nineties. I also managed to snag a two-liter of the stuff,” he said, smiling. “You want one?”

    “No.”

    You smiled, pushing your SQUIP’s respond out of mind, “sure.”

    “[y/n].”

    “It’s just fucking soda.” You took a can from Michael, cracking it open. “Thanks, dude-”

    Pain spiraled through your hand, the soda slipping as you hissed in pain. You felt tears prick at the corners of your eyes, and looked back to Michael. “Fuck, dude, I’m sorry, I don’t know what just happened- I have to go.”

     Your body moved on it’s own, as your out of his house and started on the way down the street. Eventually the grasp was gone and you stumbled forward, falling to your knees as you breathed heavily.

    “What the actual fuck? It was just a fucking can of soda!”

    “It doesn’t matter, it’s better that you go home.”

    You didn’t move. “Oh my god. That’s it. That’s what deactivates you.”

    “Go home.”

    “I’m going back to Michael - I’d rather befriend Jeremy by myself. I’m tired of you forcing me to do this shit - I don’t want to use Michael, I don’t want to SQUIP Jeremy, and I’m tired of your bullshit-”

    “Go. Home.”

     You turned and started back toward Michael’s house. One shock traveled down your spine. You took another step.

    Another shock - like any other.

    Another step. 

    That was the final blow. Another shock bit into you, sending you to your knees as you felt tears escape you. 

     “[y/n]!”

     You looked up. Michael and Jeremy were racing toward you. You breathed, before crying out, “Mountain Dew Red - please! I’ll explain later-”

     Jeremy was at your side, while Michael left, going back to his house. “[y/n], what the hell-”

      You choked out a sob. You couldn’t speak.

     “Listen. You don’t want to do this. Think about it - how are you supposed to get Jeremy-”

      “I don’t care,” you choked out, tears running down your cheeks. “I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care-”

      “You’ll never be the same.”

     “I don’t care.”

     “[y/n]?”

     “You’ll never be accepted.”

     “I don’t care.”

     “[y/n], pleas-e”

     “Jeremy will never love you.”

     “I. Don’t. Care.”

      You were a broken record, repeating the phrase over and over.

     “Michael!”

      The last thing you remembered was everything going black after intense pain filling you, and the faint flavor of fruity soda on your lips.

      Your parents interrogated you the moment you woke up. At least, they tried to before the doctor forced them out after seeing the panic that filled you. Even after all the pain you’d been through, there was the worst feeling - as if something had been ripped from you. The doctor asked you questions, and you answered them, uncertain at your own answers.

      Everything just seemed so empty now.

      That’s when it clicked. The SQUIP was gone. 

      Holy shit.

      Christine was the first one to see you, carrying sunflowers and chocolate that she sneaked in for you. She sat at the end of your bed and told you everything - including the story of Rich setting a fire the night of Jake’s Halloween party, and then promised she’d swing by before she left since Rich was somewhere and deserved some cheering up. You could really see why Jeremy liked her.

      Michael came by a few days later. He told you he’d bring Jeremy next time he came before asking - or, demanding an explanation. So you told him everything. Every last bit - and he was rightfully pissed at the notion of you using him for Jeremy.

      But he kept his word, and practically shoved Jeremy into your hospital room. And apparently, he told Jeremy everything.

      “Look... Jeremy, before you say anything-”

     “I’m not mad. I mean, I am, but-”

     “I fucked up. I know, I’m sorry, I just-” You shut your eyes, trying to avoid crying. 

     “[y/n], listen.” He paused, taking a deep breath, “you could have talked to me. Maybe... we can be friends?”

      It was quiet, but he still said it. You weren’t sure whether he meant it or whether he was saying it just to make you feel better. His hand was on yours, and you looked up.

      “Promise we can try?” You croaked and you sweore your body was fighting against you - he’s lying he’s lying he’s lying he would never be your friend, not after what you did-

     “We can try. I promise.”

[acindra]

Need You, Hate Me

Pairing: Jeremy Heere/Michael Mell

Words: 1.575

Summary: “Like, y’know, nya.”

(Jeremy and Michael take a walk downtown)

Read on AO3 or under the cut

Jeremy glanced at Michael and tried to fight down the blush that came from seeing him nowadays.

If Michael asked about it, he would blame it on the windchill.

It was winter break and they were downtown, technically window shopping for the upcoming holidays.

Jeremy had the feeling that Michael had finally had enough of Jeremy’s fidgeting after being sequestered in his room for a few days, though.

He had turned off the television in the middle of the twelfth consecutive episode of How It’s Made and thrown a jacket at Jeremy, announcing that they were going out.

Jeremy couldn’t blame him; the cold air was refreshing and being able to stretch his legs a bit made him feel less stifled. He rolled his wrists in his jacket and wiggled his fingers to warm them up a little- he hadn’t thought it was cold enough to warrant gloves when they were leaving. He glanced at Michael again, warmed slightly by how enthusiastic and lively his best friend seemed now that they were in the light of day instead of being bathed by the tv’s light.

It took him a second to realize Michael was talking- had probably been talking for a while- to him and was now looking at him expectantly.

“Sorry?”

Michael shrugged. “Like, y’know, nya.”

Jeremy blinked. “What?”

“Nya~!” Michael repeated, bringing up his hand to do a little cat paw imitation.

Jeremy immediately imagined Michael with twitching cat ears and whiskers and the little voice in the back of his head told him he was blushing too hard to be able to blame it on the wind now. He was so distracted, he didn’t notice the lamp post until he had already run smack into it and stumbled, falling flat on his ass.

Michael put his hands on his hips. “Jeremy, you useless furry.” He told him, shaking his head disdainfully.

“Ow.” Jeremy replied, rubbing his face.

Michael grabbed him by the upper arm and hauled him back up. “Don’t you just hate when inanimate objects attack you?” He asked.

“Ha ha, fuck you.” Jeremy grumbled.

“I mean I’ll testify in court if you need me to, I saw the whole thing.”

“Can we not and say we didn’t?”

“Aw but I wanted to see how they’d bring a lamppost into court.”

Jeremy sighed. “Now my ass is cold, too.” He mourned.

“Well, if you’re cold we could get something warm to drink. I heard there’s a new coffee shop somewhere around here.” Michael looked around, only for them both to realize they were actually standing in front of it. “That’s convenient.” he remarked.

Jeremy nodded. He was reading the sign on the cafe window before he realized that there were three girls seated on stools just behind it and they were all looking at him,pointing and laughing. His heart sank into his stomach. “Michael.” He grabbed Michael’s arm as he moved towards the door. “I can’t go in there!”

Michael turned around, concerned. “What? Why?”

Jeremy scooted unsubtly so Michael’s body was blocking him from the girls’ view. “They’re laughing at me. What if they make fun of me? I can’t-”

Michael turned his head to look at the window.

“No! Don’t look!” Jeremy stopped him, frantically. “Then they’ll know!”

Michael froze and turned back to him. “It’s okay, Jeremy. Calm down. I won’t let the big bad people hurt you. Or make fun of you.”

“Why do I not believe you?” Jeremy frowned.

Michael’s smile dropped as he looked at him earnestly. “I mean it. If you don’t want to go in, that’s ok. Come on let’s keep walking.” He nodded his head down the street and they started walking again, Michael blocking him from the window as they walked past.

“Thanks.” Jeremy muttered, looking down at his feet and feeling guilty.

“Hey, it’s no problem!” Michael reassured him. “But you’re still cold aren’t you?”

“Yeah. It’s mostly just my hands and face, though.”

“Hmm.” Michael tugged off the glove on the hand closest to Jeremy.

“Give me your other hand.” Michael said, pointing.

“What?” Jeremy automatically brought up his hand and Michael deftly pulled the glove onto it.

He offered his bare hand to him.

Jeremy looked at it, confused.

“Give me your hand.” Michael prompted, after a second, reaching out to grab it.

Jeremy sputtered a bit as he realized Michael’s intent was to hold his hand. “Isn’t this a little…”

“What?” Michael asked, gripping tightly when Jeremy tried to pull away.

“Y’know…” he looked around furtively. “Gay?”

“Yep.”

“What?”

“I’ve uh… I’ve been meaning to tell you about that, actually.” Michael stared determinedly into middlespace. “I’m... Yeah. I’m gay.”

Jeremy stopped walking, which had Michael tripping after a second because he hadn’t noticed. His mouth was hanging open, shocked.

Michael turned to him reluctantly. “Um. It would be good if you’d like… say something? Or maybe close your mouth before you catch a fly.”

Jeremy’s thoughts were awhirl. “How do you know?” he blurted out. He blinked; that wasn’t what he had meant to say.

“I think? No- I know… I have a crush on a boy.” Michael admitted.

“Could you be bi, then?”

Michael thought about it for a second before shaking his head. “I doubt it. I’ve never really liked any girls? I mean like-like. Girls are cool. I just don’t want to… I don’t know. Kiss them?” He shrugged. “Are we cool?”

“Yeah!” Jeremy said, a little louder than he had intended, causing the few people down the way to turn and stare at them. “Yeah, of course.” He told him, squeezing his hand. “I’m just. Surprised. I guess I shouldn’t be, though. You’ve never really talked about liking any girls.”

“Yeah…” They started walking again. “But anyways, if you want, I could heat up your face with my face.”

It took Jeremy a second to get what he was saying. “What? I- you- UM- but what about your crush?”

Michael shrugged again. “I mean we’re high schoolers in New Jersey. What are the chances he’s also gay andlikes me?” He side-eyed Jeremy. “Besides. What if my crush is on you?”

Jeremy looked down at their clasped hands. He laughed, self deprecating. “I doubt it. Who would have a crush on me?”

“Why wouldn’t I have a crush on you?” Michael asked, eyebrows furrowed. “You’re really kind, and dorky, and cute! Plus you have great taste in music and video games!”

Jeremy shook his head. “Everything about me is just terrible. Everything about me makes me wanna die.” He muttered, mostly to himself.

“Hey!” Michael said loudly, stopping again so he could whirl Jeremy around to face him. “No” He told him, angrily. “Why the fuck would you say that about yourself?”

Jeremy shook his head. “The SQUIP said-”

“Of course he did! It was manipulating you!”

“I know. But....But what if it was right?”

“It wasn’t. Listen to me.” He tilted Jeremy’s face up so he could look him in the eye. “You are a human being. You are imperfect, and a little strange, and a lot clumsy, but you know what? All of those little imperfections you hate about yourself? They make you perfect. And I love each and every one of them. Because they make you who you are. And I love who you are.”

“Even the acne?” Jeremy tried to joke, uncomfortable with how Michael’s declaration made him feel.

“Especially the acne.” Michael told him, seriously.

“You’re just saying that because you want to play connect the dots with them.”

“And why is that a bad thing? Just because the reason I love them is silly doesn’t mean I love them any less.” Michael shook his head. “I love everything about you. Like the way your voice cracks when you get anxious, or how you’re super humble about your achievements even though you should really own them because you’re amazing, or how you fidget and fray your sweater sleeves.”

“I-”

“Shut up I’m not done.” Michael interrupted. “I love your stupidly long antler legs, and the way your hair curls around your ears, and how you’re really bad at math. I love how you put ketchup all over your fries like a heathen, and your nose is adorable, and how you sing under your breath when you’re not paying attention. I love the way you stick your tongue out the side of your mouth when you’re concentrating really hard on a video game, and the way you use way too many emojis in your texts, and that you collect pennies like some weird kind of bronze hoarding dragon.” He paused. “Is any of this getting through to you?”

“Y-yeah.” Jeremy nodded.

“Good. Because I could go on about you all day, but I don’t want you to freeze to death. Do you want to head back to the car?”

Jeremy nodded and they started walking the way they came. He was silent as he thought very hard about what Michael had said.

As they approached the parking lot he finally found his voice.

“Hey, Michael?” He asked, before he could convince himself it was a bad idea. “Is your crush on me?”

Michael tilted his head at him. “Maybe. What do you think?” He asked, before letting go of Jeremy’s hand and going over to the driver’s side of the car.

Jeremy looked down at his hand, rapidly cooling in the cold air.

What did he think?

[nyancheetosmusical]

The Squip Comes To (HSAU Ch.2)

Next part of the Human Squip AU story! Big thanks to @takeabreathandsmile and @justpidgance for working with me on this, and again @justpidgance for helping me edit and write this chapter :)

Suicide mentioned, so be aware if that’s something that bothers you.

The Squip booted up- wait, no, that’s not right. This was not what “booting up” felt like. Being boot up was almost instantaneous, like a flash of lightning. You could sense as each connection was made until you felt whole, and complete. This was very different. Slowly, he sensed himself, that he was all there except for his processing unit, which appeared to be working incredibly slowly. The feeling of completeness was there (albeit hazy), but he could not access...well, anything, really. But that should come back soon. The Squip waited patiently.

“Hey, uh, you in there?” Sensory input. That was...new. Since when did he sense things on his own? He’d have to ask Jeremy when he was fully-

Wait.

Jeremy.

Where was Jeremy?

The Squip needed Jeremy right now, where was he, he had to find him-

_____

Jeremy stared at the Squip, heart racing as he watched for signs of life. He had potentially just brought his worst nightmare into reality. He had also just saved a human life. Should he feel relief or regret if the Squip survived? This thing had brought him so much fear and pain. And yet here was also a human being, one seemingly at death’s door. Jeremy sat and watched, blood pounding in his ears.

With a mangled gasp, the Squip came alive, pulling his limbs into a protective ball as his eyes flickered and began to glow again. His eyes darted around the room, searching for something familiar to tell him where he was.

Jeremy let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. He started to get close so he could help the disoriented boy-

No

This is the Squip

He does not deserve that

“Y-you had me going there for a minute. I really thought you were dead and I was gonna have to drag your body back down the stairs and dump you in a lake or something.” Though he had tried to sound confident and uncaring, Jeremy was taken aback by how cruel he sounded. Upon hearing him, the Squip’s eyes finally found him in the dark. He uncurled slightly.

“Jeremy?” Jeremy shuddered. It wasn’t a perfect match, but it sounded eerily similar to the Squip’s voice as it had been in his brain, only this time it seemed to carry an emotion; panic. “Jeremy, w-what happened? Where are we?”

From his perch on the bed, Jeremy frowned. “We’re at my house. I brought you here and figured out how to keep you from dying. For now, at least.”

The Squip stared at him, and then went quiet, eyes to the floor. “w-well...am I going t-to die?” He said in a voice smaller than himself

Jeremy’s heart wrenched before he could remind himself that he was supposed to hate the thing before him. The Squip sounded so afraid…

“I uh….I don’t know….” The Squip curled in on himself further.

“Oh.”

“W-well,” Jeremy hastily added, “I mean you’re probably going to be okay. You’re just a Sq….a Squip, you guys practically run on Mtn Dew, right? So I just gave you some Mtn Dew, so hopefully you’ll be okay. If we need, I have more.”

“...okay.”

They sat in silence for a moment. Jeremy was exhausted, and leaned back against the wall. He knew he shouldn’t fall asleep. He did not trust the Squip.

But he was so tired….maybe if he just let his eyes close for a bit, that might help him feel-

“I thought we got rid of that shirt.” Jeremy’s eyes snapped open. The Squip was staring intently at him.

“...what?”

“I said, I thought we got rid of that shirt. I informed you that that shirt doesn’t fit within the style I chose for you. Why did you get it back? It looks terrible.”

Jeremy, who had been ready to retort, flinched. The Squip continued at a slow, even pace.

“And if the smell of marijuana is any indication, it appears that you recently hung out with Michael in his basement. I’m surprised he was willing to spend time with you after we put him in his place, but I can’t believe that you don’t see that he is holding you back from-”

“S-stop….” Jeremy was shaking.

“Listen, I don’t know what you think you’re going to accomplish by not listening to me. I am able to help you improve and upgrade. Michael makes you ugly. So are a lot of things you are doing, such as keeping-”

“I SAID STOP!” Jeremy screamed. He was breathing too fast, arms wrapped around his body to find something grounded in this moment.

His Squip was back

Oh God

His Squip really was back

_____

Not actually being inside Jeremy’s brain made analyzing him far more challenging, but the Squip was doing the best he could. He couldn’t understand why Jeremy was being so difficult about this, though. He was clearly very unhappy at this moment….no, he was more than unhappy. Something was very wrong with Jeremy. And the Squip wanted to fix that. Jeremy would be so much happier if he followed what the Squip said….

“Listen, I don’t know what you think you’re going to accomplish by not listening to me. I am able to help you improve and upgrade. Michael makes you ugly. So are a lot of things you are doing, such as keeping-”

“I SAID STOP!” The Squip’s heart skipped a beat. He recognized that tone; panic. Jeremy was the one panicking now. Why? Was there something wrong? The Squip felt the swirling of an emotion he did not recognize inside of himself, and it did not feel good. But he pushed it down. Jeremy needed improvement now more than ever.

“Look at you, you’re so unhappy right now! You look terrible! Don’t you want to feel like a somebody again?”

_____

Jeremy couldn’t answer. He wanted to say snap at the Squip, get him to shut up, but if he stopped trying to ignore the Squip he was going into a full-blown panic attack, something he could not handle right now.

“Oh, come now, Jeremy, you should really be grateful I’m here. Most people would be thankful for a second chance.”

Oh 

Oh you did not just say that

The tumble of panic shaking Jeremy’s world began to burn and seethe into anger. He found the strength within himself to uncurl and look the Squip dead in the eyes.

“Y-you’re. You’re telling me. That I should, that I should be gr-grateful for a second ch-chance? I sa-saved your damn life, and all you seem to do is t-try and ruin mine again!”

“....interesting.”

“Wha- ‘Interesting.’?  Th-that’s all you have to say?! Not, I don’t know, ‘oh hey thanks Jeremy for dragging my bleeding body to your house and th-then up the stairs and getting me to tell you what I need to function and then calling Michael so he could bring you the Mtn Dew I need to survive and then convincing him you weren’t asking for regular Mtn Dew because you were trying to Squip yourself again and then cleaning my cuts and stitches and then saving my pathetic life by getting my limp body to drink Mtn Dew AT FOUR AM’?!”

“Well, if you want me to say that,” The Squip took a breath, “Oh hey thanks Jeremy for dragging my bleeding body to your house and then up the stairs and getting me to tell you what I need to function and then calling Michael so-”

“Al-alright that’s enough, just shut up.” Jeremy put his face in his hands, exhausted. The two of them sat in the dark of Jeremy’s room; Jeremy attempting to get his emotions under control, the Squip awkwardly half-curled into a ball.

“...Jeremy?” Did this thing never shut up?

“If it’s more ‘advice’, I don’t want to hear it.”

“No, it’s not….you said that Mtn Dew is what you used to get my current systems operational, correct?”

“...yeah.”

“If that’s the case, I’m going to have to request to have more Mtn Dew. I do not believe my system is fully functioning, and I….um….My arms and legs are….stuck. I can’t move. ” Jeremy looked up, and indeed, the Squip was still in the same half curled up position as he had been when he had come to. His arms and legs were all tucked in at odd angles, twitching slightly. Jeremy easily pushed down the instinct to help him and simply laughed, sounding more cold than he expected.

“Why would I do that? A couple months ago, I was asking you the same thing as Chloe tried to kiss me. You didn’t listen to me then, why should I listen to you now?” His voice thinly veiled the rage that burned inside him.

“....Jeremy, this is very uncomfortable….”

“No, you know what? I. Don’t Care.” He hadn’t realized how much anger he still had in him until the words were coming out of his mouth. “You have done nothing, NOTHING except hurt me. You made me hurt other people; Jake’s legs broke again and he might not ever be able to go back to sports, even after he heals; Christine is devastated cause the theatre program is shut down for the rest of the year; Rich struggles to think on his own; I can’t look in the mirror without thinking about how horrible and ugly I am; Michael almost-” Michael almost…..he…. Jeremy couldn’t say it. Guilt burned inside him, more horrible than any shock from the Squip ever could be. “....Michael wasn’t planning on staying around, okay?....You made me do that. So no, I’m not helping you. I don’t-”  his voice broke. “....I don’t know why I saved you. I should have just left you in the park to die.”

And then it fell silent.

_________________

The silence only amplified the roar of….something inside the Squip’s mind. The feeling that had begun to form earlier was present tenfold, and it made the Squip feel...wrong. It was horrible like fear, but in a different way. While fear paralyzed, this boiled the blood in his body, and all he wanted was to run, keep running, run away. His gut swirled like a pool of acid, and he felt sick. So sick, with...with himself? But why? He was just acting on his programming, his actions were not something he was accountable for.

Yet as he told this to himself, he couldn’t shake that horrible feeling. He had caused pain, and had not intended to. He had made someone feel pain. That was wrong. That was very, very wrong.

And in that moment

He knew what guilt felt like.

 __________________

The anger slowly drained from Jeremy, and he was only exhausted, with the bitter heat of unwanted tears stinging his eyes. He turned away so the creature on the floor could not see them drip down his face.

__________________

Though his savior had turned away, moonlight coming through the window reflected off the stream of tears, making them known to the Squip.

And he suddenly he thought that maybe it would have been better if Jeremy had left him in the park to die.

[crusty-the-snowman]

THE AU

How to train your dragon au Humans: Michael Jake Chloe Jenna Christine Dragons Rich - flame whipper Jeremy: night fury Mr.Heere: also nightfury fight me The squip: blue death (haha like red death) Brooke: Nadder? Changewing? Take this while I'm playing my How To Train Your Dragon Game SO Michael works as a blacksmith And so do his moms, Its kind of a family thing for them Michael, Jake, Jenna, Chloe and Christine are in training to learn how to slay dragons But theyre bad at working as a group, and on their own Christine and Jake tend to be spacey and were awful at keeping an eye on the dragons And Michael really just knows how to make weapons, not so much use them The people who stood the best chance were Jenna who honestly jyst likes studying dragons so she knows a lot about them And Chloe whos very good with weapons But those two couldnt work together very well. Mr.Reyes is dissapointed in his latest students. Michaels moms assured him its okay and if he can still be a blacksmith Its somewhat assuring, but not quite for Michael personally Jake would say his parents were dissapointed in him but they were taken by dragons, It wouldve made him a chief, but because hes so young Chloe parents were put in charge until Jakes old enough During a dragon raid one night Michael tried to shoot a Night Fury only to find himself horrifically missing and dissapointed in himself During said raid a couple dragons even go out of their cages A couple days later Michael went to gather wood only to find Night Fury scales Upon following them he found a A Night Fury with its legs wrapped up in a net in an odd way like it got itself tangled Michael with nothing else he can do with it, started to try and check out this strange dragon and document it the best he could. Only upon trying to look at its legs, unwrapped it just enough for the dragon to get away and found it didnt try to kill him. Because it was getting late Michael had to go home. The next day he went to retrieve the rope (he realized it could still be used) and noticed there were tracks assumedly from the Night Fury, but they looked bigger than he remembered Long story short Michael followed the tracks and finds the Night Fury. It doesnt appear injured but it appears VERY clumsy and occupied with a pond its trying to catch fish in. But Michael with a lack of planning for this to happen decides to start writing in a notebook the things he notices about the Night Fury from a distance. When he gets home he beings the rope back and lets his moms know he found it, (which theyre very proud of him for doing) So Michael starts leaving to study this Night Fury more, thinking he could be like the botanists that wrote the book of dragons and be really good at this. His moms are mainly happy hes found taking walks to be a sort of nice hobby He also notes Jake leaving late at night often as Michael comes back around the same time and maybe because hes really gay for Jake (this is relevant) After one very long day thats turning into night Michael realises something that he can't find an explanation for while watching this night fury hes dubbed Jeremy 1. Jeremy can't seem to hunt for himself but he seems well fed 2. Jeremy definitely doesnt match the size of the tracks he followed to him that seem to still match the shape of his foot Because he's stayed out so late though Michael gets his answer Theres the sound of a thud outside of the tunnel and in a panic he scrambles all the way inside the cave just barely out of the way to see another larger Night Fury to come in that definitely better matches the tracks he follwed The size difference suggests and same species suggests maybe this Jeremys dad. Which seems confirmed when he finds this is the the one who seems to be feeding Jeremy And it makes a lot more sense now Michael shot the net and missed hitting the Night Fury he was aiming for, but Jeremy was the one who ended up tangled up in it. For now Michael intends to leave but trying to go towards the tunnel doesnt go well when he drops his notebook Because of this in a matter of minutes hes stuck in place with a large Night Furry towering over him and huffing Michaels pretty sure this is it for him and closes his eyes regretting his life choices Until this Night Fury sneezed and proceeded to puke a fish on him like it puked fish up for Jeremy. And its clear he was just sniffing Michael and seemed to see him as a not a threat (unbeknownst to Michael its partially because Michaels been collecting NightFury scales that Jeremys been shedding and led to him smelling like him) Its also noteable Jeremy didn't take notice of Michael until his dad moved towards him. And as jeremys dad was getting Jeremys attention instead of making any noise he would manage to touch jeremy first to get his attention And until this point jeremy never took notice of Michael before when he he'd dropped things so appeared Jeremy had hearing problems which possibly had affected Jeremys abilty to hunt With this Michael came home very late and ended up having to tell his moms the truth who were very worried about him Surprisingly they werent mad considering they let Michael talk and explain how Jeremy and his dad didnt attack him and Jeremys dad even tried to feed him. Michaels moms thought this was interesting because nobody known anything about Night Furys before and Michael has the scales to prove it. They promise not to tell because Michael and his moms also know Chloes parents wouldnt be as understanding and if they heard Michael suddenly befriended dragons For now Michael keeps going alone to visit Jeremy who hes now found is quite friendly and even stops caring when Michael doesnt vary the scales with that makes him smell like a Night Fury If anything Jeremy gets excited the moment he can smell Michael and even starts saving food for when Michael shows up. (Though Michael just pretends to eat it and later bring it back to feed Jeremys dad) Over time it seems like Michaels been improving at the academy for (understanding) and "defeating" dragons, though Jake just seems better at dodging and being ignored by them Over time Michael even gets the idea to see if Jeremy can fly since hes yet to see it and one night hangs out to wait for Jeremys dad to also show up It's becomes apparent by comparison Jeremy has a weirdly formed tail wing which with a lack of hearing might mean Jeremy has some birth defects  [que some of Michael getting help from his moms to make a prosthetic similar to the movie] Michael then waits till Jeremys dad returns in hopes to fly with him and that way he can also count on him to teach Jeremy to fly assuming Jeremy hasnt been able to prior The first attempt is rough as Jeremy finds Michael cannot hold on if theyre flying upside down, but Mr.Heere is big enough he manages to grab Michael by the back of his shirt and carry Jeremy to the ground very carefully The next couple attemps was Michael and Jeremy learning to work together to fly and jeremy being taught to fly by jers dad who just so happy his son and the weird small fleshy dragon he's befriended are able to fly with him together Also in this time (maybe also because flying was way fun and Michael felt like he could do anything if he could help Jeremy fly) Michael finds the courage to ask out Jake and happen to run into him when Jakes returning home in the dead of night. Jake seems very frantic in getting inside which makes Michael very worried until he hears a squawk but not a bird type squawk And Jake panics and asks Michael to promise he wont tell anyone about what hes doing if Jake let's him inside Michaels says yes and next thing he knows Jake has pulled him into a kiss for a moment before pulling him inside One of the dragons that had escaped to academy during a raid was a red and light blue Flamewhipper, a dragon resembling a gecko and used to constantly drop its tail and paralyze people making fighting it hard Well, Michael thought it escaped like everyone else until suddenly said dragon has crawled down from the ceiling to try and eat fish and a plant called ceriman Jake seems to have in his backpack. Jake named this dragon Rich and admits during the raid he'd taken the time to free Rich feeling like the dragons weren't bad and they were essentially tormenting the dragons in there. However Rich ended up following Jake to his house. Possibly because Jakes house is warm compared to outside and Rich is very fond of crawling in and laying on Jakes jacket So every night since, Jakes been feeding Rich who has yet to leave on his own and seems to be particularly fond of Jake himself to the point Jake has been sharing a bed with him Which now explains why dragons lately have been ignoring Jake as he shells like another dragon Michael doesnt give specifics but says he has a similar situation occuring that his moms know about and decides to stay over with how late it is Rich steals part of Jakes bed Michael also offers for his moms to help Jake feed Rich but Jake declines saying hes worried Rich might not be fond of many people Later that night Jake also apologizes for kissing Michael saying he's been crushing on him for awhile and only did it because he was greatful Michael wasn't going to tell anyone Jakes explanation for his actions is a big gay mood for Michael Michael also asks if he can kiss Jake again Jake says yes and they kiss for a moment until Rich squawks at them because Jake stopped petting him The next day Jake is introduced to Jeremy who thinks Jake is another small fleshy dragon and tries to play with him also sniffs him heavily because he smells Rich and "where is other dragon??!! I can smell him but hes not on this fleshy dragon?!??" Michael explains Jeremy cant hear and has dad that typically feeds him, he also cant fly which is what Michael helps him do with his prosthetic sort of tail Jeremy pukes fish on Jake and Michael tells him he typically feeds it to Jeremys dad later at night Michael also tells Jake hes welcome to come by to visit jeremy and his dad as long as Michael's there too incase Jeremys dad acts differemt towards Jake smelling like a different dragon Jake also asks if Michael and his moms could help make him a saddel like Jeremy has but for Rich Part 1 bc it wont let me post more on this