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[sanderssquip-au]

quick PSA that the ask box is open and you can ask anything you want about the au (probably even some in character questions if you wanna be ✨spicy✨) because I have writer's block and we need Content™

[sanderssquip-au]

Broadway - Part 2

The squip didn't get a room.  It was to be expected, since, as it had told them multiple times:

I'm not one of you.  I wouldn't expect the same rules to apply.  Besides, I don't need to rest, I'm a computer.

But, Roman had insisted on designing a room for it - either out of attachment to it or just his own need to design something - and while he was working on it, Patton had insisted on letting it stay in his room while it didn't have anything to do.

I don't see why this is necessary.  It complained.  I can just shut myself down.  A physical presence isn't required at all times.

"Yeah, but I wanna talk to you!"  Patton pressed, jumping up onto his bed and sitting cross-legged on a pillow, throwing one to the foot of the bed and beckoning the squip to do the same.  It tentatively climbed up and sat on top of the brightly-coloured, fluffy pillow - sporting a picture of a cartoon cat and a cute slogan - mimicking Patton's position.  Patton clapped happily and laughed.  "So?  Whaddaya think?"

The squip raised an eyebrow.  Of... what?

"The mindscape!"  He made a sweeping motion with his arms.  "Thomas!  Us!  Y'know!"

Well, you're all certainly... interesting.  I suppose I should be lucky to have the help, even if it is unconventional.  

Patton nodded enthusiastically.  "It's been kinda stressful recently, and we're... working through some stuff, so I sorta feel bad for having you come in at such a bad time..."

Patton, I was literally programmed to deal with situations like this.  Honestly, it's rare that a host isn't having a crisis when they first take a squip.

It quickly doubled back on itself.

Which isn't to say that I won't be needed once he's moved on from this, of course. 

"Hey, no need to stress-"

I'm not stressing.

"-Thomas is in a constant state of crisis!  You'll be fine."

The squip scoffed amusedly.  That may be true, but what I meant is that I have other functions.  My overall purpose, as it stands, is to assist Thomas in achieving his 'dreams.'  Assistance in mental health is simply a means to an end.

Patton mused for a moment.  "So... You're mostly helping Roman, right?"

On a basic level. 

"Cool!"  He beamed.  "Don't- uh- don't tell him I said this, but I think he could kinda use the help.  He's... uh... not doing so good at the moment."

And the relief Patton felt when the squip's expression fell to one of seemingly genuine concern was almost tangible.  He knew it couldn't be totally stoic.

I can't say I'm surprised, but what's wrong with him?

"Wait wait wait- why wouldn't you be surprised?"  The father figment tilted his head in confusion.  "He's been fairly alright since you arrived, I was just worried about-"

Well, I won't pretend to know him better than you, but taking into consideration the way he talks about himself, the posture he keeps, and- to put it simply- his thinly veiled facade of overconfidence, it appears to me as if he's incredibly insecure, and oversells himself to a laughable extent to avoid being ignored or seen as boring.  If he were a human, I would guess that some of his issues stemmed from being compared to a sibling, but I sincerely doubt that you 'sides' have familial relations, so- why are you looking at me like that?

"He has a brother."

Excuse me?  The hologram looked genuinely confused.

"He has a brother!"  Patton repeated excitedly.  "How did you- was that a guess?  How did you know that?  That's crazy!  You're amazing!"

I know.  It smirked, straightening its tie.  But, really, behavioural analysis is rather simple for me, and your prince is... particularly easy to read.  Now, the half-snake, on the other hand... he's a challenge.  I'm certainly looking forward to cracking that puzzle.

"Janus?  Oh!  You two'd get along!  I should introduce you!  Y'know, properly.  I know you've met, technically, but-"

The squip waved it off.  No worries, I know what you meant.  I'd like that, actually.  

It smiled in a friendly sort of manner, then paused and quickly doubled back, clearing its throat.  Or, rather, making a noise similar to that.  It was still pretty unclear how it worked.  

Getting to know you all better would be beneficial for all parties.  That's what I meant.  What I'd 'like' is - of course - irrelevant.  

Patton frowned.  "Why's that?  You're just as important as-"

It held up a hand.  Don't mistake objective fact for self-deprecation.  I was designed for one single purpose, and therefore even if I could 'want' - and it's doubtful that I can, being an AI - anything I might 'want' personally is, simply speaking, irrelevant.  I just misspoke.  That's all.

Patton raised an eyebrow skeptically.

I'm not sure what you're implying.  

"You're not, like, self-aware?  At all?"

If I were, it would be quite worrying.  It laughed.  

"You're dodging the question."

Irrelevant.  Its tone was completely composed, but it was noticeably avoiding Patton's eyes.  What were we talking about?

"We were talking about how you're dodging the question."

A smile quirked up its lips.  Incorrect.  I believe we were talking about my remarkable talent for behavioural analysis?

Patton paused to think for a moment.  "Maybe- wait, no, answer my question!  Are you self-aware or not?"

Oh, for the record, are you aware that acting overly happy and inviting doesn't at all disguise discomfort or worry?  

"Hey!"  Patton protested.  " I'm not worried about anything!  That's Virgil's job.  I'm here to welcome you, and welcome you I will!"

The squip just rolled its eyes and nodded.  Of course.  Because the manifestation of morality would have no issues whatsoever with what is essentially a cheat code for real life.  I know you're concerned, Patton.  I don't blame you.

Patton went quiet, and then nodded slightly.  "I guess.  It's- it's nothing against you!"

I know.

"It's just- well- Thomas is already in a bad state, and I'm just worried that maybe the stress of such a big change could... you know... not be so good for him.  I'm sorry, does that sound bad?"

It shook its head.  Not at all.  I understand perfectly what you're trying to say, and I will do my best to make Thomas comfortable with my presence here.  It may be a difficult adjustment, but I will do everything I can to help ease that.  

"Yeah, of course.  Of course!  I'm just being silly!"  Patton grinned.  He immediately dropped the facade as the squip just stared straight through him.  "M'sorry.  I'm not- I really don't- I don't mean to sound rude, I promise!  You're just..."

Morally questionable.  It finished.  I know.

"I guess, what I mean is, Thomas really should be living life of his own accord!  And you're like... Like..."

Like playing life on easy mode, or so it's supposed to be.

"How do you keep finishing my-"

Sandwiches?  It offered, unable to contain a smile.

"That's what I was gonna say!"

The two stared at each other for a moment, before simultaneously breaking into laughter.  Patton smiled sheepishly.  "S'nice to have you here.  Maybe it'll be fine."

I'd certainly hope so, or what would be the point of my being here at all?

"Yeah... yeah, no, you're right!"  Patton decided.

I tend to be.  

"Yeah!  You'll be fine.  It'll be fine."  He repeated to himself.  The squip smiled patiently.

You don't have to be completely fine with it at first.  You need time.  Of course you need time.  We both have Thomas's best interests at heart - that's what matters.

"Right!"  Patton grinned, grabbing both of the squip's arms pulling it from its cushion and into a tight hug.  It blinked confusedly (for effect, of course, because it didn't actually need to blink).  "Welcome to the family, kiddo!"  

I'm not your-

And then it paused.  Because despite being nothing more than a hologram, the weight of Patton's arms felt... nice.  It wasn't programmed for human attachment.  But the gesture was intended as a pleasant one, or so it assumed, and just the concept of that made it smile slightly.  It couldn't help it.  And that was new, as well.

Of course.  Thank you for having me.

[sanderssquip-au]

Concept: Janus and the SQUIP playing poker. They're both cheating, but neither of them want to call the other out. It lasts literal hours.

Patton was called in to make sure nobody cheats, but he doesn't know the rules so he just brings snacks instead.

(Roman eats them all.)

[sanderssquip-au]

Do you think the fanders calling Remus The Rat Man know that snakes eat rats??

[sanderssquip-au]

Yo! I'm another person that exists on here I guess and this is a blog on stuff and just well

😸Hi what's going on guys😸

-mod patton

[sanderssquip-au]

Heyo! This is just a blog to try and make a very messy idea from the depths of my brain even slightly coherent, so please ask questions to distract me from

💫✨existing✨💫

thanku

-mod roman

[sanderssquip-au]

Broadway - Part 1

"Did you get it!?"  Roman burst excitedly in on a very distracted Thomas.  He held up a small, grey pill and a bottle of mountain dew, nodding.  "Perfect!  This will be brilliant!"

"I dunno, Roman, it seems kinda... sketchy.  What if it doesn't work?  What if-"

"Oh, hush, worrywart, that's just Virgil talking."  He waved dismissively. "You won't get anywhere in life without taking chances!  Just take it so we can see how it works!"

"What's just who talking?"  The anxious side appeared on the stairs, nodding to Roman and then doing a doubletake as he noticed Thomas.  "Woah woah woah.  I thought we agreed that you weren't going anywhere near that and that Roman was a stupid idiot who didn't know any better."

"Virgil, we only agreed on one of those things, but...  I dunno, he can be kind of... persuasive.  You have to admit it sounds kind of cool."

"It's sketchy, untested, undocumented technology in a pill that you got for four hundred bucks in the back of a shoe store.  Yeah, what could go wrong?  Rhetorical question, I know what could go wrong, so let's review: number one-"

Virgil was very rudely interrupted by Logan rising up.  "I agree with Virgil.  Although it would be... fascinating, to see how this complex technology works, the risk of harm to Thomas is too great to ignore."

Roman groaned.  "I thought you, for one, would love the idea of a computer helping you with managing Thomas's health!  I mean, you're basically a robot yourself, I'm sure you'd get along!"

"The brakes, Princey."  Thomas warned, prompting Roman to step back sheepishly.

"I'm sorry!  It's just- I don't see why you're all so against the idea of getting help!  The way it was advertised, this could get us to broadway!  It could make us famous - and- and healthy, to boot, aren't you supposed to like that?"

"Thomas's mental health should not be dependent on a piece of technology."  Janus added, Roman groaning loudly upon his entrance.  "We're doing just fine without it."

"Ha!" Roman scoffed.  "You're only saying that because you're scared you'll be replaced because it'll be better than you!"

"Projection, Roman."  Janus smirked.  Roman had nothing more to say after that.

"I- I think-"  Patton looked to Janus worriedly.  He nodded.  "I think Thomas should try to be, ah, genuine!  And shouldn't- um- have to use it!  At all!"  He hesitated, before quickly adding.  "But if he wants to then I'm not going to stop him."

With that, each of the present sides broke off on their own, mostly very heated tangents and rants, before the mass of voices was broken by Thomas himself.

"GUYS!  I think..." He paused, holding the pill in his hand.  "I think Roman's right.  There isn't any harm in trying, right?"

"Actually-"  Both Virgil and Logan cut in, but were quickly shushed by Roman.

"Go on, Thomas."

"Right.  Well, uh, I think... it could be just what I need, right?  I mean, I haven't been doing too great lately, and I know you all haven't been either, so maybe... maybe it can help?"

He looked to each of the sides in turn.

"Patton?"

"Well, if you think it can help, I'll support you as much as I can."  He gasped.  "Maybe it'll just be like a new friend!"

"Virgil?"

"I still think it's a stupid idea, but whatever."

"Right.  Logan?"

"I suppose it could be... useful, if it works as advertised."

"Janus?"

"I think..." He hesitated, not used to being asked his opinion.  "I think that if you really believe it can help, then go for it.  But... do be cautious.  You don't know how it works, and I don't want you getting hurt."

Thomas smiled encouragingly.  "Of course.  And, Roman, I think we know what-"

"I know it's a lot to ask.  But I'm glad you trust me.  I promise it won't be as bad as some of you are making it out to be."

And with that, Thomas swallowed the pill and took a swig of mountain dew before anyone could change his mind.  

There was a moment of silence.  Anticipation, as Thomas braced himself for anything that could happen.  And then, rushing through his body like a tidal wave, searing pain that knocked him to the floor of his living room screaming.  Virgil ran to his side and cast a deathly glare at Roman, who was standing paralysed in his spot, unable to come up with anything that might help.  Patton and Janus both rushed to comfort Thomas, urging Logan to figure out what was going on, to no avail.

Calibration in process.  Please excuse some mild discomfort.

"What the fuck!?" Virgil screeched, no longer even trying to keep Thomas calm.  "What does that mean!?  What the-"

"Language!" Patton shouted over the top of Thomas's screaming.  "Just- I'm sure everything's alright, just stay calm.  It'll be fine.  It's fine."

The pain halted for a moment.  Patton sighed in relief, putting an arm around Virgil's trembling shoulders.  

"See.  I told you.  It'll be-"

Access procedure complete.

Virgil practically sunk into the father figure's arms, shaking and hyperventilating as Patton tried to calm the poor side down.

Discomfort level may increase.

This time, the shocks manifested in every one of the sides.  Virgil bit his bottom lip and clung to Patton's side, trying his hardest not to scream as Patton hugged him just a little too tight.  Logan managed to remain fairly calm, but Janus - knocked to his knees by the sheer shock and now whimpering quietly and praying that the other sides were too distracted to hear - noticed him shaking as he comforted a screaming Thomas.  Roman was on the floor and shrieking possibly louder than Thomas.  But it passed.

Accessing neural memory.

Accessing muscle memory.

Thomas Sanders.  Welcome to your Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor.

Thomas blinked.  A cloud of static seemed to clear in his head, and he lifted his head up from the carpeted floor, groaning.  A suited figure stood above him, hands behind its back and wearing a bemused expression.  Its eyes were a piercing electric blue, causing Thomas to have to squint to see it properly after having his eyes squeezed shut for so long.  Its hair was fairly short, almost like his own, except... maybe a little fluffier?  And it wore a suit and tie, which he couldn't help but feel fairly intimidated by.  

"Woah... You, uh, you actually... work?"  Thomas managed to get out, still staring, dumbfounded, at the hologram in front of him.  It smirked.  

Correct.  I am a SQUIP model 3.0, slightly outdated but I can assure you that I am in perfect working order. 

The figure looked around curiously at each of the sides in turn. 

But, for the record, your - ah - 'situation' is rather unusual, so please bear with me in the case of anything unexpected.

"Unexpected?"  Virgil butted in, pushing forward and looking the squip dead in the virtual eyes.  "How unexpected?  You aren't gonna - you know - self-destruct in Thomas's head or anything?  Possess his body and kill someone?  Take over the world?  What if-"

The hologram held up a finger to quiet him, looking relatively amused.  Anxiety, correct?

"Virgil.."  He muttered under his breath.

Right.  I can assure you that it is not within my programming to do any of those things.  My prime directive is to assist Thomas in improving his life.  

"See!"  Roman exclaimed triumphantly.  "That's what I said.  He- they-"

He paused and turned to the squip.  "Pronouns?"

It/its.

"Right!  It's going to help us.  I told you it wouldn't be harmful.  Didn't I tell you?"

"We still don't know that..."  Virgil muttered, still sore from the electric shocks.  Patton immediately interrupted, jumping forward and waving excitedly, his eyes lighting up like fairy lights.

"I think it's great!" He squealed.  "You're like another side!  We haven't had a new addition in so long!"

Janus loudly cleared his throat.  

"Okay well maybe that isn't true but still!   I'm Patton by the way.  This is so exciting!  And your eyes are so cool!  And-" he gasped excitedly, dropping his voice to a dramatic whisper.  "I have a robot son."

The squip blinked confusedly.  Thomas shrugged.  "Just... let him adopt you.  It's easier for everyone involved."

It nodded, still very clearly confused, which Virgil laughed at - before immediately cursing himself for getting too comfortable.  Janus smirked from the corner.

"Glad to know it wasn't just me."  He rolled his eyes playfully before stepping up to shake the squip's hand.  It took it.  "Janus.  It's a pleasure."

The sentiment is returned.  It smiled, either unaware of the fact that the snake was looking it up and down like it was a murder suspect or just not caring.  It did, however, give him one glance and nod approvingly.  He raised an eyebrow.  Oh, don't think much of it, I'm just quite impressed by your taste in outfits.  That's all.

"Is that-"

Not sarcasm, no.  I genuinely think you have good taste.

Janus hesitated.  "Thank you..?"

It smiled at him, opening its mouth to speak but being interrupted abruptly by a very confused Logan.

"You're an AI, right?"

Correct.

"You're... incredibly complex for modern technology."

The hologram put a hand to its chest in flattery.  Thank you.

 "It's difficult to imagine that you don't have some ulterior motive," he muttered, speaking at an unusually quick pace that the others recognised as meaning he was confused.  "I mean, of all the possible applications for such mindblowingly advanced technology-"

I'm flattered, Logic.

"Logan.  Surely you can't just be to... assist Thomas.  There has to be something you're hiding."

On the contrary, my objective is rather transparent.  It's just whatever Thomas wants it to be.  After all, isn't the overall purpose of AI to improve the life of humans?

Logan nodded, still muttering under his breath but too low for anybody to hear.  This time, it was Roman's turn to speak.

"So... you're essentially one of us, right?"

The squip processed that for a moment.  I don't believe so.  Although our purposes are extremely similar.

"Good enough for me!"  He proclaimed, over the sound of Janus scoffing.  "As long as you're here for the good of Thomas - and so long as you can do what your advertisers promised - you're alright in my books."  

I assure you that you won't be disappointed, ah-

It raised an eyebrow.

"Prince Roman."  He grinned, taking a small bow.  His face lit up when it returned the gesture.   "I look forward to working with you.  Let's get him to broadway."