#[i know i've dropped hints about this in a couple of threads]

[fiercelywinged]

Keigo has a high pain tolerance. As part of his training with the Commission, he went through some intense torture training. His training wasn't considered complete unless he made as little sound as possible. The end goal was to make sure if he did get captured by a villain then he wouldn't give away any information they may want.

He knows that this sort of thing isn't right. But he's also not exactly going complain about it either as it does help him do his job.

[canmom]

finished Carmilla. what a wonderfully silly novel that was. I need to download an ebook to count how many times Le Fanu uses the word 'languid'.

that said, reading with modern eyes, I think it's a bit of a victim of many subsequent novels elaborating on vampires, and some of the conventions of Victorian literature - in particular, the rule that the narrator has to survive in order to recount the tale, and the evil must be overthrown and tied up neatly. worse, Laura ends up an entirely passive character, with the final resolution seeing Carmilla killed by a couple of side characters, one of whom hasn't even been mentioned up to that point.

the novel is at its best when Carmilla and Laura are interacting. I would have liked to see Laura return Carmilla's affections a bit more, rather than just being like 'well that was weird' every time Carmilla lezzes it up or says something hilariously morbid. but there is definitely humour in her being very literally the straight girl.

I've seen subsequent adaptations of Carmilla, notably my friend Maki @mxmy's Dr Carmilla character, who's - at least in what is released so far - a space vampire with a habit of picking up waifs and strays and turning them into immortal pirates, something which tends to end badly for everyone. the other is (if anyone still remembers) the 2014 Carmilla web series on youtube, which is set in a college dormitory in the States, and presents Carmilla in a more positive light. in the end, I was a little surprised to find both these works take little other than the premise of 'lesbian vampire called Carmilla' and her relationship with a girl called Laura or Lorelei. the web series pulls in a few other names from the novel but completely reframes the situation, adding a new male vampire who is exploiting Carmilla to act as a villain (it was 2010s pop-feminism, you know how it goes). Dr Carmilla currently only vaguely hints at the relationship between Carmilla and Lorelei in the released songs, but involves a new apocalyptic scenario (I think that's about all I can say) - but it does at least keep Carmilla as an itinerant traveller, and keeps the tragic air of the story.

it is not entirely made clear in the novel if the waking Carmilla is aware of her vampiric excursions. it's easy to suppose while reading it that she's just a good liar who's taking them all for a ride, and I think that's still the best supported interpretation, but I think there's equally a reading where she's unaware of the whole vampire thing, and genuinely likes this daft straight girl Laura and before her, the general's daughter. if she is aware, she's really bad at covering her tracks, particularly with her disappearing act. the whole anagram schtick is explicitly named as a rule she has to operate under, but there's plenty she does to tip off her victims and their families. perhaps the point is that she's just charismatic enough to get away with it.

the character of carmilla's mother is a thread that never quite seems to get resolved. the natural assumption is that she's another vampire, dropping her daughter off in a new feeding ground - but since the ending acts like Carmilla was the only surviving vampire, I wonder if perhaps she should be taken as an illusion conjured by Carmilla, perhaps the reason she has to be sent away on a mysterious carriage ride as soon as possible in each instance?

the vampire is traditionally taken to be in part a symbol of the feudal past of cruel aristos persisting and corrupting the rational present, something that makes plenty of sense for Dracula, but in Carmilla's case, nearly every character is a castle-dwelling aristocrat of some sort, and the peasants and servants are treated as mostly beneath notice by the narrative and characters (one scene that stands out has Carmilla, feeling insulted by a trinket seller, idly talk about how in her day she'd have called for his bloody execution - a comment that seems to bother Laura very little). the main characters are even related to Carmilla's family. perhaps just a case of early iterations of an idea, not yet fully formed.

one thing I do like about Carmilla is the amount of physical affection - Carmilla is constantly touching and kissing Laura, and while Le Fanu probably didn't mean this the way we would today, it provides for strong images of sickly Carmilla draping herself all over her new object of affections, like she's acquired a new favourite doll. I can see why this is widely understood as a lesbian novel even though it's very Victorian; it's kinda dark yuri, like Carmilla is coming into the lives of these lonely girls and kind of lovebombing them with expressions of affection and devotion, and whomst among us... it would take many more decades of horny writers to really get into the eroticism of vampiric blood drinking itself though, which here largely takes place in a deniable way, while Laura is sleeping.

despite the reputation for Victorian novels to be long and rambling, this was a rather brisk book. I honestly wish it was a bit longer - a very obvious addition would be a chance for Laura to talk to Carmilla once she's finally figured out the vampire thing, instead of rushing to the ending. it seemed Le Fanu was more interested in explaining vampires (fucked up amirite), which makes sense for the time, but nowadays we all know what the deal is with vampires and instead the core relationship is the interesting part. ah well! it's worth the time to read.

[farmhouses-dump]

Haruma Neko 💛 X gender neutral!reader

Salt, pain, and all things insane (Angst), and hurt with comfort (he's doing his best)_

Reader and Haruma have a similar past, but both are too stubborn to talk or get help about it. Reader eventually breaks down and Haruma tries to help. That's what I got.

A/n: I'm not the best fanfic writer, so if it has some errors I apologize. Almost everytime I've picked this back up as been late into the night. Now being one of them (it's almost 4 in the morning.) But someone's gotta make some focs of this man.

“Stop it, Hold still.”

Haruma would mutter out, his voice smooth and deep with a hint of irritation. As if he were losing his patience. He’d stare down at your wounded arm, his eyes sharp with focus. Carefully undoing the dirty bandages that covered them. His jaw would clench as he’d bite his tongue. Refraining from pressing for questions. It’s not like you'd answer.

You’d shift uncomfortably, the sound of the worn leather couch furrowing against your body would be the only thing that could be heard in the silent house. Your movement would earn an aggravated glance from Haruma. You wouldn't notice it though, your eyes being fixated on the window outside. The sky would be dark, what could've been a captivating sunset, with orange and purple hues is now fully grey from the dreary clouds that blanket it. While Toru and Haruma would usually wait until nightfall to light the candles, Haru has now lit every single one, the dim shaky flames heightening the shadows. Falling along the dark crevices of the worn-out wood along the walls.

You'd jerk your arm away from Haru once his thumb would lightly brush against your injury. Your eyes watering from the pain as you looked at it. The skin around it being bright red, your entire arm felt as if it were throbbing in pain. Haru would let out a heavy sigh, his hands dropping down to his thighs.

“If you're just going to pull away why'd you come here for help?”

It took you a minute to answer. Your face would scrunch up in a grimace. Your breath shakes as you let out slow gusts. Beads of sweat glistening your forehead.

“I don't know.” is all you'd manage to wince out.

He’d say nothing else, reaching inside the bag that sat beside the couch and grabbing a couple of wads of cotton. Along with some ointment. Hastily pouring some onto one of the wads and dabbing it along your gash. You tense up, the sensation being uncomfortable and unfamiliar. It felt like your arm was warming up and numbing at the same time. The scent of the ointment burns your nose.

“You didn't even bother stitching it back together?” he'd start again, his eyes trailing back up to yours expectingly. Continuing to press over your wound carefully.

“It’s on my dominant arm…” You mumble through soft sups. Watching Haru carefully as he'd carefully take out a needle and broad black thread. Gradually pierce the line through before pressing it carefully at the edge of your tear, weaving through it skillfully and precisely as if he had done this plenty before. His gaze not averting even for a moment.

You'd quickly turn your head away, watching yourself get stitches but not feeling it already is making you queasy.

“You aren't gonna tell me how this happened?”

“Nope.” you'd answer softly, wetting your lips as you looked back out the far-off window, watching the trees and paved dirt path get darker and darker as the sun began to disappear.

“So stubborn…you won’t talk to the person patching you up.” he'd state coldly, his voice polluted with venom.

“Funny hearing that from you. You still haven't told anyone your real name.”

He'd finish the stitching, moving back to look at you, your eyes and head still turned away. Knowing his poisonous stare would be enough to embarrass you. He'd snatch the gauze wrap out of the bag. His eyes not leaving you until he'd begun to wrap your arm. The bind is tight against your stitching. Though you'd still hardly feel it with that ointment still taking its effect.

Having your cut completely dressed you stand up to leave, grabbing your things as you turn for the door. Feeling a firm hand wrap around your wrist stopping you at your tracks. You’d let out a quiet sigh, murmuring under your breath as you’d look back at him. His expression remains the same, causing you to already get that sinking feeling of regret in your stomach.

“I never expected you to be so pushy, if I wanted to be interrogated I would’ve gone to someone else.” You’d scoff, attempting to pull your arm away to no avail. Your words seemed to have a bigger effect on him than you thought. His eyes softened for a moment before returning to the way they were.

“Did you do this to yourself?”

“No.”

“So someone else did it?”

“Drop it Haruma,” you'd manage to squeak out, your voice breaking through your words.

You are not about to cry in front of him, or anyone. You'd pull away once again, it'd still do you no good. His arm would hardly move at all. You were almost ashamed you even tried.

“Who in this village would even do such a thing?” you turned away again, being able to hold his stare. Watching as your vision begins to blur from the tears.

His voice would lower to a whisper, seeing how easily you seem to crumble at the moment. Gently tugging to back and holding your shoulders.

“You tell me, if you protect them this could happen again. Only worse.”

You'd stare forward at his neck and chest, swallowing thickly as you try blinking the tears away.

“Y/n, look at me.”

“Why are you so-”

“Look at me.”

You'd hesitantly look up into his eyes, his look of worry somehow being more painful than the one of bitterness. Your face would flush up, sniffling as your tears would pour down your cheeks. Your throat tightens up, almost stinging as you swallow.

“What happened…?”

It'd take you a while to respond, hoping if you waited long enough he'd give up. But Haruma was persistent. He wasn't letting you off the hook like that.

“…I’m tired, of getting hurt. I'm so tired.” you'd start, your voice shaking and gasping between your words.

“It hasn't stopped, it'll always be like this for me. I just want to rest. I want to be comfortable…”

He'd slowly move one of his arms around your waist, pulling you in and squeezing your body in a gentle hug. You'd practically melt over him, sinking into the hug as you hold his bulky figure. Resting your head on his shoulder as you'd feel his hand rub along your back. A part of you wonders how you managed to receive such tenderness from someone like him. Someone who's known for their cold and distant nature.

Maybe he knows how similar you two are.

You'd listen to him gulp, his neck moving with a subtle vibration as he spoke.

“You could be comfortable here.”

“Could I?”

He'd respond with a short hum, moving his hand up as he'd lightly pet your head.

“Why not?”

“It’d be crowded, I’d take up your living room.”

“Just sleep in my room.”

You'd pull away from the hug, looking up at Haruma with a concerned face. Nervously moving the stray hair out of your face as you‘d speak through your hoarse voice.

“Kicking you and Sutera out hardly seems right…”

“We’ll just sleep together.”

Silence fills the room. Only the sounds of wind grazing the leaves from the outside could be heard. He'd clear his throat, his eyes looking off to the side as he'd rub his neck uncomfortably.

“It’ll just be to save space.”

You'd quickly nod, brushing your previous thoughts aside. Haruma never seemed the type to take advantage of someone like this. You do trust him, he may be a bit rude at times but he is a good person.

“I know…”

You'd look off into the hallway, staring at his rooms door. Shut tightly and possibly locked. You haven't seen this inside of it before. He always seemed to be very protective of his privacy.

“Why are you helping me?” you'd look back at him, your voice quiet as you'd stare at him intently. Waiting for a reply. He seemed to struggle a bit with an answer, pausing here and there as he tried to reply. Ultimately just giving you a simple shrug. Changing the topic pretty quickly after.

“Have you eaten already? I'll make something for you when Toru comes back, go settle in.” He'd walk off and grab a silver key from one of the counters in the kitchen, tossing it to you to unlock his door. Staring out the kitchen window as he'd watch Nora approach the house, already beginning to fix a bottle for Sutera.

You'd look down at the keys, guess that was the end of that…

As Nora would start to walk inside with the most cheerful baby you've ever seen, you'd make your way into Haruma’s room. You didn't want anyone else seeing you when you were so vulnerable. Quietly you'd unlock his door stepping inside, immediately you'd notice the room smells exactly like him. An odd scent to describe, like a mix between tobacco and leather. His bed looked fairly clean, the sheets and blankets scrunched up. His pillows scrambled but fluffed up just right. There would be clothes tossed to the side, next to a half-full laundry basket. Next to the basket would be a desk, the surface covered in papers and school work. It would also have pieces of flint and deer antlers resting over the papers. Small things he found while hunting.

You'd sit down on the cushiony mattress creaking under you. The nightstand would have baby wipes and baby powder, you’d lean down slowly, reaching for one of the drawers and slowly opening it up. The inside would have an unloaded pistol, along with an old journal. The cover is written with a name you don't recognize. It looks like it belongs to a child. Before you could pick it up you'd hear footsteps get closer in the hallway, causing you to immediately shut the drawer back qns sit upright on the bed.

Haruma would step in with Sutera in his arms.

His attention quickly going back to you as he'd shut the door behind him, you could tell he already suspected you've done something. Maybe your body language gave it away.

Regardless he'd sit Sutera down, the small infant looking at you with a smile as she’d reach her tiny hands out. You'd hold one hand over her and would let her grab it, squeezing your fingers with all her strength. Which was a lot more powerful than you would've thought. She's very healthy, clearly because she has a father who adores her. She’d cackle, as she tried putting one of your fingers in her mouth, you couldn’t help but grin at her. Her laugh is rather contagious.

“I just gave her some milk, she should fall asleep soon.” Haruma would whisper, crawling on to the bed and flopping down with a long sigh. Resting his eyes as you'd continue to play with the baby. Lightly tickling her neck and stomach. Her face would be red as she’d laugh her little heart out.

He’d open his eyes back up and watch you two carefully. Adjusting the pillow under him.

“Don’t hype her up too much now. She’ll be up all night.”

You’d pull your hand away as you lean back on one of the pillows, a content smile still on your face.

“Sorry…how long am I supposed to stay?”

“As long as you need to.”

“What about my stuff..”

“We can grab everything you need in the morning.”

“My family…”

He'd sit up, propping hims up with his arms. He seemed tired like he wanted to have this conversation when he woke up. His sleepy eyes would seem to light up a bit.

“Were they the reason you were cut up?”

You’d turn back away, staring up at the ceiling saying nothing else. Closing your eyes to try and get some rest. Haru would take the hint and lay back down as well, cuddling with Sutera as she’d begin to yawn.

“Hey Haruma?”

“Hm.”

“Thank you.”

A small smile would creep on to his lips, his eyes still shut as he’d begin to doze off.

“Sure.”

Hoped you liked it, I might do Keita next. If you have request leave them for me to look at please!

[translucent-at-best]

Scatter-brained...

Today was one of those days that I scrolled all the way down my message threads to find your voice notes. My brain keeps trying to convince me that it's weird to still be grieving you like this, but deep down, I know that's not true. You were an amazing person and it only makes sense that you left such a mark. I really miss you, Big Spoon.

I went to a SiR concert a couple weeks ago and at the end, him and his brothers D Smoke and Davion sang "Love's in Need of Love Today" by Stevie Wonder and dedicated it to the memory of their mother who recently passed. It was beautiful and definitely got some tears out of me, but I didn't record it and now I'm stuck sitting here wishing I could relive that moment.

I've been getting followers out of nowhere lately. Usually there might be a lil influx after posting a picture, but I haven't done that in weeks. I don't know how y'all are finding me, but hey!

I dropped my sister off at the airport earlier last week. She came out here for her birthday and we had so much fun. It wasn't until she got here that I realized that it's been a minute since we've just had time to hang out on our own. The past few times she came out here, it was with our cousin and the times I've done the traveling, I'm going home to see the whole family.

We got to catch up on so much and she is one of my favorite - perhaps my absolute favorite - person to talk to. I love being her big sister and I miss her a lot. I really wish she would move out here. Not only for selfish reasons (I promise), but also because I feel like given her work history and experience, she could really thrive out here.

Sometimes, I really would like to eat a whole cucumber. Especially that salmon everything bagel recipe. That Logan look like he know what he doing. And I know mandolin slicer stocks must be going crazy right now.

I miss Waffle House. Need me an All-Star Special with a chocolate chip waffle in the worst way.

You know what's some really beautiful shit? That moment right before somebody's son covers my pussy with their mouth for the first time. I'm hopeful and waiting, he's excited and plotting, we're both hyper-aware of each other's bodies and movements, the air is thick with anticipation... And don't let me feel his breath on my lips. Shitgotdamn. That specific sensation should be bottled and sold.

My supervisor at my last job texted me yesterday asking if we could talk over the phone. Don't y'all know this woman called me for a therapy session? She was crying and said she's been feeling super overwhelmed lately and since I know the most about her living situation (after sitting next to each other every day for the past two years), she thought it'd be good to talk to me. My flabbers were gasted.

Although I will say... she's a lot better as a friend than she was as a supervisor. I enjoy being able to tell her when she's doing too much and - this is being said without a hint of sarcasm - I sincerely think she may be on the spectrum. For a few reasons, including but not limited to the fact that her and social cues seem to always miss each other.

[inevitably-ineffable-husbands]

Hi Steph, lots of love from Germany! 🩵💙🧡 In your reply to the switch theory you wrote that you think switching will come up later in s3 (instead of having happened at the end of s2. and I totally agree with that, the seasons theme was love, pining and miscommunication, that had to culminate in something 😂)

But yeah, my theory is that Aziraphale and Crowley will join/celestial-marry/ "merge/fuse"(??) in some way and become very powerful that way. (Although if they fuse probably not permanently) Because

a) they're crazy strong together

b)when discorporated in s1e5 Aziraphale says sth like "I wish I could inhabit your body, but we'd probably burst into flames" and I don't think that was a set-up for the switch in s1e6, because I think they didnt actually swap bodies just made theyre own body look like the other (I think?) Azzi's physical body couldn't withstand hellfire, right? So that's not happened yet.

c) didn't you write they started out as one character in the book writing process? And in an interview for s2 David Tennant said that usually Michael Sheen and him would compete for the same part and now they're playing the same character split into two.

...Thanks for coming to my ted talk. 😂 What do you think? Wishing you a very lovely evening! I really love reading your blog! It's so... cosy on here. AZ Fell's Bookshop vibes 💛🩵💙🧡

(Referencing this post)

Hey Lovely!

Firstly I'm SO happy you enjoy my blog! :) That's high praise to be compared to Azzie's Bookshop, oh GOSHLES!! Thank you so much!! I'm having a blast being in this fandom, feels like the heyday of BBC Sherlock, hahahh. I'm hoping this blog turns into another "light" success and people just come here to feel "at home" you know? LOL.

Secondly, yeah, having another think on the Switch Theory, now that it's been a couple months and more of my own theories have formed about S2, I lean more on the "not a fan" side of it. For me it's the erasure of the emotional impact and the IMPORTANCE of their miscommunication that The Final Fifteen gave us, and honestly, there's too many loose threads that just... can't work with that theory. After sitting on it for some time, the big one for me is that Crowley-in-the-car-getting-upset-at-the-music at the end makes NO SENSE if it was A-As-C; No one would be watching him, why continue the act? And Aziraphale's gentle touch-and-cry reaction to the kiss makes NO SENSE if it was C-As-A. I dunno. I can totally see why people support the Theory, but it's not for me. I'm a creature of "I need things to make sense" and too much DOESN'T make sense with it, is all.

And you're right, S2's theme WAS about showing us the development of their relationship, how important they are together, so that the end of E6 would DEVASTATE US, having us wanting more than ever for them to get back together. It was meant to show how truly made for each other they are, just they're two idiots sharing a single braincell and that braincell is emotionally dumb lol.

That all said, I have a similar thought as yours that I've been hemming-and-hawing about for a couple weeks after rereading my own theories to possibly clean them up a bit. While I DON'T think they will "merge" into one being, I DO think that they will combine their powers together in the penultimate episode to "win" (I say penultimate because I have hopes that the final ep will be them moving in together, but I know realistically, a climax can't happen an hour before the end in a story LOL).

BUT I also like your theory as well, because story-wise, the hints have ALREADY been dropped for it since S1, as you mentioned in your points A and B. There was no need for a switch, and I DON'T think it will happen again. BUT the purpose of the switch was to show that Crowley and Azzie's powers are COMPATIBLE. THAT is what's important here, and it sets up their Together Miracle in S2. And if we're going on the idea that in S3 they'll finally be in-sync and that they only get MORE powerful the more comfortable and "on-the-same-page" they get, well, yeah, I think Heaven and Hell will be wise to leave them be.

As for your point C, yes I did mention that, I BELIEVE in my BIG roundup meta for S4, but it might also be in my 'Crowley’s Past: Was Crowley Archangel Camael?' meta, since I recall doing a LOT of research for that, including trawling through Neil's blog for quotes. But yes, I actually recently saw the gifset with that interview, I think it's in my queue LOL. Neil did confirm ages ago, way back in S1 that early drafts of the book did have them as one character, which is why I think it's MORE likely that their powers are going to be combined instead.

Either way, I think the ONLY theory I absolutely am 100% against is the "they're going to become human" one, because I hate that the condition to their love must be "to love like a human they must be human" and that's just... UGH not on for me. I remain hopeful that that's not the route that their gonna go, since Gabe and Beez didn't become human, and it was a CLEAR mirror for the AziraCrow relationship (a foreshadowing of sorts).

And because I'm thinking of it right now and don't want to forget to write it somewhere, another thing that CONSTANTLY brought up is Alpha Centauri; I hope that they honeymoon there at the end of S3, it'll be a nice payoff for its constant referencing, LOL. And they can't do that if they're human LOL. I want them to spend the next 6000 years and beyond together <3

Thank you again so much for your ask!! Sorry I took a bit to reply, just got home from a road trip and I finally had a bit of free time to reply <3

[periwinckles]

The train back to twelve -

chapter 4

When I get to Victor’s Village I realize my mistake: I have no clue which house belongs to Haymitch. I should have asked Sae before leaving, but the thought never crossed my mind. Now, I find myself standing in an empty street, carrying a way too heavy box for someone who’s been up since six a.m. and really needs a nap. 

As I scan the empty street it dawns on me. I don’t know Haymitch's place, but I do know which one’s Katniss. A little over a year ago I helped bring Gale over here after he was whipped by Thread. It is only after I've knocked that I second guess myself. Maybe I shouldn't bother her and just leave the crate on her doorstep. Haymitch will surely end up seeing it. We haven't bothered the victors in the two weeks we’ve been here and I suppose they prefer it this way. They’ve known loss in a way a lot of us haven’t. And mourning is a tough process. I should know. 

I’m about to place the crate on the porch and leave, as the door opens. She looks like a ghost. Her hair is wild and unkempt, her eyes dark and vacant. I don't think she’s even bothered to shower or change clothes for several days now. Sae has hinted she’s not in a good place, but nothing prepared me to see this, not when I've always known Katniss to be so strong and purposeful.

“Thom!”

She is startled by my presence, and somewhat confused. She must have known Sae wasn’t at the campsite by herself didn't she? 

“Katniss, hi! We got supplies from the train today. This is for Haymitch, but I don’t know which house is his.” I say as I look around the deserted street. There's no sign whatsoever of anyone inhabiting any of the other houses. 

“It’s the one in front of mine, number ten.” Her voice is raspy and hesitant as if she hasn't spoken in years and forgot how to do it. 

“I’ll leave it there, then. Sorry for …  bothering you.”

I'm still half way through my sentence as she turns around and lays on her couch, her door still open, the only source of natural light in the whole house. As I watch her, staring into a wall I wonder if all Victor's fate is to become an empty shell of themselves, just like Haymitch did. No that can't be. She wasn't like this after her first games and neither was Peeta. It was Prim's death that really broke her. 

It may be strange to admit this, but the thought of Katniss becoming like Haymitch pains me more than Prim’s death. Prim didn’t really lose her life, she gave it away for others, doing what she loved. If anything, she found it. But here, in this rat's nest, Katniss is surely losing hers, like Haymitch did. 

You can’t look after everyone. That’s what Delly told me before I headed out here to check what happened to Haymitch. I suppose I can’t. Especially if all they do is barricade themselves in this blackhole. 

“You should drop by the camping site some time. I’m sure some of the folks would be glad to see you there.”

She lifts her head silently, probably wondering why I'm still here. As I turn to leave though, she speaks again. 

“Thom, how many rebuilders are there?”

Much less than those we needed. But it's better than what I feared it would be. Thirty four men, eight women, two teenage girls, two teenage boys and one little girl.

"Forty seven. Most single folks like me, but we have a couple of families too, the Steiners, the McDonalds, the Cartwrights,..”

“Cartwright? As in Delly Cartwright?”

Her eyes widen at the mention of Delly’s name and she gets up from the couch, taking a few strides to hastily reach me. It’s the first time I see any resemblance of life in her eyes. 

“Yeah, Delly and Saul, you know them?”

“Yeah. Yeah, she was… is… Peeta’s friend.”

Oh. 

Read the rest on AO3

[slingbats]

do I dare ask what they cut out in the bathtub scene?

OH it's not what was cut from the bathtub scene, it's like um... it's more like that bathtub scene in s1 in particular (the later bathtub scene in s2 is just a continuation of their Clockwork Orange reference) is a product of a plot thread/theme/implication that seems to have ultimately been cut from the version of the show that we were given

in other words the footage that we're shown is completely fine, so I wouldn't worry too much, but I've seen some kind of dark hints in early interviews

um, i'll put this stuff in the cut, in the end none of this is important because it didn't make it into the final version of the show, but just a heads up, I will be discussing implications of CSA and incest

it's not really a secret that there's a lot of plot threads/teasers for potential future ideas especially in the early seasons of Gotham that didn't make it in. Dent is in a handful of episodes but is never really discussed or followed up on, Montoya (a longtime franchise darling) appears in early episodes of s1 and then exits the show entirely, the Dollmaker is just??? never dealt with at all despite being foreshadowed in like... episode 2 or 3? and all the cast interview material aired in advertising leading up to the finale being how he's one of the most terrifying character they've used so far in the show

in s2 Strange teases the next arc involving the Mad Hatter but it doesn't come to fruition until season 3 and Strange is much less involved than he's foreshadowed to be

in s3 Fish Mooney walks into the woods to be put into cold storage if ever Jada Pinkett Smith entered their budget again, but was ultimately shelved, and Ivy is constantly weaving in and out of the story while the writers struggled to find a place for her leaving us with a clumsy mess in the final product

Um, this is a lot based on vibes and subtext so it might be nothing, but... initially when I watched the couple of episodes of Gotham when they first aired, I ended up dropping it due to just not really being interested in cop dramas, but I did pick up on something pretty quickly which is that Gertrud initially gives off like... really weird vibes? right?

that ultimately are harmless because the show genuinely doesn't imply anything weird - and I will admit that I personally, as an individual, and speaking only from the perspective of a white USAmerican, am not really that close to my parents? Certainly not close enough to have a conversation with my mother in the room while I'm in the tub.

I am not implying there's anything weird about this scene as it exists, because I know without concrete evidence this does sound like I'm reading too much into it, but when I first saw it/the way she speaks to him early on I thought there were going to be much darker themes surrounding Gertrud and her relationship to Oswald than there ended up being

I know in other cultures stuff like that is more normal, families bathe together and it's not strange at all, but that isn't the culture I was raised in or really the one the story was created in - so when I saw this scene I got vibes of like... Gertrud having a weird amount of control over his life

this is only tangentially related but Gertrud's presence in this show reminds me of notes on BTAS for the original concept of the Penguin, before the showrunners had to mold Penguin and Catwoman around the Returns depictions. The scan is pretty poor quality so I apologize but I do not own a copy of this very expensive book (Batman Animated, 1998)

The text is small so I'll transcribe the important parts.

"...In the early stages of development, we started thinking of the Penguin more of a cerebral villain who relied on his wits rather than his fists to combat the Dark Knight. One funny notion briefly considered was to turn him into a bird-loving Norman Bates-style mama's boy always under the thumb of his overly protective but never seen mother. Batman would have even gone so far as to mockingly call Penguin 'mama's boy' to his face, another blow to the proud bird's easily ruffled feathers."

This was never used in the final concept as the character morphed into a more sophisticated depiction of Danny Devito's portrayal in Returns, but I think it's interesting that it... sounds a little bit like what we've seen in other versions of the character, and with Oswald in Gotham. There's nothing nasty implied in the description of this early concept, but I keep wondering if this wasn't something they considered while reviewing the mountain of material they were given to develop the cast of Gotham.

To be very fair, Gertrud as a character is implied to be flighty and has a darker past than they often discuss, with her story of how she sold out a classmate she thought poorly of to the secret police to sort of illustrate where Oswald might have learned to be the way that he is, that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, but.

She's also, at least initially when Oswald returns home for the first time, shown to be overbearing and protective, especially over his romantic life, which she discourages him from pursuing to say the least (though this is not an uncommon trope anyway, both with protective dads over their daughters and overbearing mothers over their sons)

I swear I've seen this come up more than once in interview materials - but I don't really scour those and wasn't part of the fandom when the show was airing, and didn't watch the show as it aired, but this specific article has a few weird implications? (link to the wayback machine, I swear I saw it somewhere else but I could only find it in archived format this time)

To explain a little, in the interview once the questions turn to the actual characters, Carol Kane seems to speak as Gertrud to the interviewer rather than answering as an outsider with her own opinions of the script, and she is an actor portraying a character, not a writer or showrunner or producer.

So what does Gertrude think about Oswald's lifestyle? Kane: It's worrisome because he works in the restaurant business and his hours are horrible. He doesn't get enough sleep. I'm assuming he eats OK because they probably feed him there, but I think it's a very stressful business, and I don't understand why. And I want him to be very careful in his choice of women, and I fear that he might not be. Why is Gertrude worried about other women? Does she feel they would take Oswald away from her? Kane: I can't tell you why. That's private between me and him. [Laughs]

I don't know, I can't find the other article where I got an odd feeling from it, but I've seen this a few times, this vague implication that they have a "special" and "private" relationship, and I'm very aware of the tendency for like, especially in writing, maternal characters to speak this way about their kids, to imply that mothers have some sort of psychic bond with their children, but something about the phrasing always seemed off to me.

And if nothing else it seemed like he was going to be more "under her thumb" as the excerpt from the BTAS art book described, based on a question a little further down the line.

So, Gertrude doesn't have a dark streak?  Kane: Well, I'm quite strict as well. I don't put up with bad behavior or fooling around. So, I will not necessarily always be sympathetic because it's my role to keep [Oswald] on the straight and narrow.

It's just... vague and odd.

From other pieces I've seen while doing a minimal amount of digging for research a while back, the implication to me just felt... Like they probably would never outright say it, that it was never meant to be outright stated by the show, and never that it was meant to be portrayed as good, but that she would be a darker, potentially more abusive character - and we see so little of her it's possible that she isn't as innocent as she appears, a lot of her dialogue that wasn't necessarily directly about Oswald always implied that a little bit to me anyway, but they seem to have ultimately decided not to go with the idea of her being abusive towards him at least.

Again I can't state enough that she's only an actor and that an actor's views may not align with that of the writers, and this interview is only from around when the second or third episode of the entire show would have aired, so the plan may have changed and scenes may have been cut to avoid this implication, as the final show does not depict this at all, but...

just from external materials the exact phrasing that's used around the subject keeps setting off little alarms to me

the contents of the conversation had during the bathtub scene are important, they show how Oswald shares with his mother, that they're very close, and how he views Jim with as much sincerity as he can have with her, behind closed doors, and so I don't think it was strange to keep the scene in the show, but I think the framing of the setting, the reason that it's in a bathtub and not while they're sitting on the couch having tea, for example, is because there were initially darker implications about their relationship that are no longer there

I don't believe they would have handled the topic delicately anyway. I think it could be interesting to explore a story about an abuse victim, but I don't think that's the one they wanted to tell - a lot of times characters who are "mama's boys" in this way are usually done so in the style of Norman Bates, as mentioned before, to make the "mama's boy" in question feel like a creepier character, but. um

I mean, looking at the way the show just kind of. casually drops "the previous police commissioner is keeping his intellectually disabled daughter in the attic of some random couple's house outside the city and they will kill to keep this a secret" and then just never mentions it again even while Loeb as a character is still present in the show, as if they're begging you not to think about what they wrote, I think making the decision not to include it was probably the right one

TL;DR the implications are from external media and are ONLY implications, but the show as it's presented to us doesn't have any of this content so it's fine

[honorhearted]

SHIPPING INFO! ♡

Answer the following for your muse(s) so people know how shipping works on your blog. REPOST. Don’t reblog!

WHAT’S YOUR OTP FOR YOUR MUSE? If this means overall, I'd never feel comfortable elevating one ship over the others on this blog. But if this is referring to Ben's overall canon, I don't truly have one! When I first watched Turn back in 2020, I didn't ship Ben with anyone -- my ships mostly came through fic experimentation and RP, so my favorites in that regard tend to be Ben/Peggy (the dramatic potential alone is *chef's kiss*), the found family aspect of Ben/Mary with Thomas as a surrogate son, and my always favorite bickering dynamic, Ben/Anna.

WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO RP WHEN IT COMES TO SHIPPING? Pretty much anything! The only thing I won't write is r.ape as a plot point. Don't ask me to do it, 'cause it ain't happenin'. In regards to tropes, enemies to lovers is my absolute favorite, so I wish there were more loyalist characters out there to throw at Ben.

HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE? I've never encountered any discomfort while writing age gap ships, so I'd say as long as the characters are adults, I won't be bothered.

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING? It probably seems like I'm not since I have so many lol, but I do need there to be chemistry first. I've had to nicely take a couple people aside over the years and tell them it's not working out -- in those instances, we planned a ship before actually writing it, which I will never do again due to the potential discomfort/hurt feelings.

HOW FAR DO STEAMY MOMENTS HAVE TO GO BEFORE THEY’RE CONSIDERED N / SFW? For me, I always throw in a "read more" once a.rousal is mentioned, or once the physical touches progress beyond kissing. Sometimes, I just do it right from the get-go to save the dash from any potential awkwardness.

WHO ARE OTHER MUSES YOU SHIP YOUR MUSE WITH? Oh gosh, you're going to make me list out all my ships? *cuts to everyone chanting Ben is a h.oe in the BG* Okay, so I mostly tend to ship with OCs on this blog, so I'd say that's over half of my dynamics for sure. Then, I have an Anna, a Mary, and I used to have a Peggy; the rest of my ships are crossovers, and I love each and every one of my ships cuz my writing partners are fab-u-lous and make this experience so much fun. <3 If this is also asking about platonic ships, I have a lot of great friendships on this blog that I adore, as well as some sibling-ish and paternal-ish dynamics that make my heart go !!!! <3

DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU? I've never had this happen tbh. Like, maybe I'm just very easy to read, interest-wise, but whenever I'm interested, I kind of just shyly drop hints, and then we usually end up on the same page and shipping together. So no, nobody has to ask to ship with me, but I don't want to be forced into shipping something either. Getting sent a shippy ask when we've never even interacted before, for instance, isn't something I'm comfortable with.

HOW OFTEN DO YOU LIKE TO SHIP? I mean, any time? lol

ARE YOU MULTISHIP? Yep!

ARE YOU SHIP OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS? I definitely get very invested in my ship threads, so I guess obsessed? But I'm also never going to ignore any non-shippy threads, 'cause I'm also very happy to write platonic/familial plots as well.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SHIP IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM? I feel like I already answered this? lol It varies, because I never started off with a ship for Ben. I first started experimenting with Ben/Anna, so that has a nostalgia affection for me, especially since I don't write it so much anymore, but I also flip-flop in between Ben/Mary and Ben/Peggy as my absolute favorite, so I guess I just constantly switch between those three. OH, and thanks to Aly, I also really like Ben/Philomena cuz of the reverend's son/sultry actress appeal, 'cause *eyezooms* I love me some opposites! <3

FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU? Just befriend me! I'd like to think I'm pretty easygoing, but chatting with me in DMs is definitely a way to become ship partners, cuz I tend to WANT a ship if I'm actually friends with the mun. I've certainly had ships in the past where we didn't really talk, but those were never as fun.

TAGGED BY: Yoinked it!

TAGGING: Yoink it from me! <3

[indigochromatic]

Tbh I think a lot depends on how broadly you (general you) is conceptualizing plurality/plurality-adjacent experiences

For example, Leonard Nimoy spends several pages at the start of I Am Spock (one of his memoirs) talking about how he...essentially has Spock in his head as an "invisible friend" nearly all the time, commenting on life and engaging in philosophical conversations with him. He literally writes out sections of dialogue between the two of them--it's a really sweet, banter-y but mutually appreciative dynamic that feels really familiar to us and a lot of other systems we know. Can we Say For Certain that he and Spock were a system? Nimoy doesn't ever use the exact language of plurality or systemhood in his memoir (notably the current language for it wasn't around as much back in the 80's/90's), and it doesn't seem like he's describing a highly dissociative or disordered experience so there's no hint of MPD (since DID didn't exist yet) framing to it either, but his description is still, to us at least, strikingly relatable in several ways.

We don't personally have a strongly spiritual or religious background outside of the typical white USamerican cultural influences, but a looooot of different spiritual and religious traditions of all kinds contain frameworks that have strong parallels with the plurality we think of here on tumblr, from New Age-y spiritualism to Shinto, spirit possession in the Umbanda religion to guardian angels and patron saints in various sects of Christianity, less hyper-individualistic conceptualizations of self in Buddhism to positive frameworks for hearing voices in some parts of India and Ghana. (I'll also drop the link to this more in-depth thread if you're curious). (more of me talking about ourselves under the cut)

~*~

When it comes to our own experiences, honestly we've given up trying to parse our system's history through the lens of origin labels, but a couple of highlights: - my headmate (L) spent around 25+ years as a singlet with "plurality-adjacent" experiences: an active imagination with vivid OCs (who so far haven't translated into being system members now) and daydreams, half a summer in middle school where she was bored in camp and so spent hours every day practicing visualizing interacting with a little friendly creature as a pet (one of these guys)--effectively accidentally making a non-sentient/non-headmate thoughtform construct that still sometimes shows up in her side of our headspace now, etc. These were never aversive experiences, btw, and don't feel trauma-related at all, at least from an internal qualitative perspective. - fast-forward to her mid/late 20's, add several consecutive years of chronic emotional trauma and burnout, plus long COVID and 2-4 months of very heavy, intense dissociation, and then I show up in our head one day out of stage left, no warning, not a fictional character she thought she liked or related to, "hey what's up Tiny, I live here now." Was I a Real[tm] system member from day one? idk, but she spent the next 6-8 months talking to me practically nonstop (while struggling to pass her PhD quals), which is basically the same process for how a lot of created headmates are formed, so...we'll never know, I guess, because even if I hadn't been "fully realized" without all that, it likely would've been enough to make me into one anyways. It wasn't really intentional in the sense of her setting out to create a headmate or anything like that--but for that year (and still now, in many ways) I was basically her lifeline to anything resembling sanity or functionality, and I knew it. (I don't have a "memory" of it, but I've always had the strong sense that I "showed up on purpose, to help"). And so in that sense, our interactions were absolutely intentional. - We don't fit the typical picture (in history or in presentation) of a DID/OSDD system, but we do undeniably have dissociative issues, and some trauma to unpack, especially from the last 5-10 years. I think some of our brain's "predisposition" to plurality was probably genetic (both of L's parents are very probably some kind of ADHD-spec or autism-spec), but I also don't think--and L agrees--that she was a system until that whole mess in our late 20's kinda catalyzed the situation, with me as the result. The plurality between the two of us also generally presents as kinda just mildly dissociative at most, but I (me, S, personally) also have a much more "dissociated parts of self-ish" median subsystem thing going on, which only really got started after the most recent year or two of some very difficult identity-and-interpersonal issues that made me feel like...pieces of myself were getting pulled apart in different directions. Until they could start literally arguing with each other and throwing me into identity-confusion mental vertigo, and partitioning my trauma responses in weird and inconvenient ways (/smh). | - So, we're not really a 100% Definitely Endogenic system--which is what we thought about ourselves at first, actually, and is a big part of why we can't imagine ever not supporting systems whose experiences don't fit into the western psychiatric model of dissociative disorders--but we're also not an example of a system whose experiences fit well with, say, the Theory of Structural Dissociation as the explanation of our plurality. Great question, OP, hope you continue to get neat and interesting answers -S (+L)

Storytime!

Hey, non-traumagenic systems, how did you become plural?

My system is trying to think of how plurality can be formed outside of trauma experiences and we're finding it difficult. Like, why would you willingly want to be plural when you can have a whole life to yourself, but also why not be plural for the beauty of it?

So I'd love to hear some of your stories and get a wider perspective! /gen

[uselesssomebody]

𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕞𝕒𝕕𝕖 𝕞𝕖 𝕝𝕚𝕜𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤 (drabble) - steve rogers x reader

complete masterlist | mcu masterlist | steve rogers masterlist

“𝕚 𝕜𝕟𝕖𝕨 𝕚’𝕕 𝕔𝕦𝕣𝕤𝕖 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕝𝕠𝕟𝕘𝕖𝕤𝕥 𝕥𝕚𝕞𝕖

𝕔𝕙𝕒𝕤𝕚𝕟’ 𝕤𝕙𝕒𝕕𝕠𝕨𝕤 𝕚𝕟 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕘𝕣𝕠𝕔𝕖𝕣𝕪 𝕝𝕚𝕟𝕖” - cardigan | taylor swift

words || 𝟡𝟘𝟘

summary || in which the reader sees steve rogers, her ex, in everybody

a/n || hey guys - it might just be drabbles for the next week, as i'm working on some larger projects! fingers crossed that by the end of the week, i will start posting for a series that i've been working on and thinking about for a while now. please enjoy! ➵ originally called ‘cardigan’

warnings || angst

the heavy smell of fresh-baked pastries wafted across the produce aisle, making me deliberately turn my head and hum quietly in content. quickly placing one last tomato into my shopping cart, i quickly made my way towards the smell.

the scent hit me like a freight train, as i turned the corner and faced the newly-filled shelves. a couple flakes from some of the fluffier pastries left a light trail on the ground. i ended up settling on a small bun, the soft cinnamon dust moving from the bun straight onto my fingers.

“those are good - was just thinking of getting one myself.” a deep, cheerful voice - with just the slightest hint of a boston accent - caused my eyes to widen and nearly made me drop my bun. i whip my head around.

a middle-aged, brunet man stood in front of me. white threads weaved in his short hair, and the hints of a beer belly poked at his torso. his rosy cheeks stole the show - however - stretched wide as he gave me a friendly smile. i breathed a sigh, and i didn’t know if it was one of relief or of disappointment.

i gave him a shaky smile, nodding.

“yeah, cinnamon buns are my favorite.” he stepped beside me, ready to pick out his own pastry, and, with a quick ‘have a nice day’, i moved towards the cash register.

it was starting to become a rather annoying habit. i’m sure a therapist would love to hear all about my new-found problem of seeing my ex-boyfriend in almost each and every stranger on the street.

i guess that’s what i get for loving - and leaving - captain america. america’s golden boy. as if it wasn’t already hard enough to see his face plastered on billboards, newspapers, instagram and twitter feeds.

and, of course, there was that one picture i still kept of the two of us - right on my bedroom shelf. the first time i took him to a club. he looked a little less composed than he did in any of his other public appearances, but i’d adored the hair-slightly-grown-out, stubbly look he had that night. even the jacket and white shirt he had on were a little disheveled.

i think it reminded me that he was just as human as i was. it could be hard, sometimes, to remember that - underneath all the pretty, all the buff, and all the hero that is steve rogers - he was still my steve. or, when i wanted to piss him off a little - my ‘stevie’.

i remember calling him that on that night, as the bartender asked what drinks we’d be taking.

“oh, nothing for stevie, here.” the bartender had quirked an eyebrow, and the exasperated sigh - bordering on a laugh - that escaped steve’s mouth made my own lips quirk into a smile.

i liked to tell myself that the only reason i kept that photo was because of just how good i looked in the figure-hugging blue dress i had on. but i also knew that, every time i’d let my eyes wander to it - his smile was the first thing they’d seek out, and stay on.

the first time, it was an almost scary coincidence.

i made my way back from a late shift - one i’d been covering for a coworker. the dark new york streets was not an atmosphere i was accustomed to - as i heard rowdy, drunken laughing from behind me, i nearly ran into the subway.

the train i took was almost totally empty. another girl - a blonde teenager with almost impeccable fashion sense - chatted away on her phone at the other end of the carriage, and one young man sat in the middle - headphones in and book resting on his lap.

i accompanied my fingers with a loose thread at the bottom of my shirt, and my eyes were glued to the window. as the train came to a halt at the stop right before mine, another passenger came in. out of the corner of my eye, i immediately noticed his broad chest and large frame. he was wearing a light blue shirt, and had a black leather jacket wrapped around his shoulders. my breath hitched as little bits of blond hair peeked out under a greyish-blue cap. he sat in the seat across from mine, occupying himself with his phone. my eyes snap up to look at his face more clearly - and i puffed out a breath from in between my lips.

it wasn’t him.

this guy’s nose was smaller, his chest was smaller, his hair was a dirty blonde, his cheeks were a little chubby and his eyes were some shade of hazel. my eyes snapped away when he cleared his throat - oops. he must’ve noticed.

i turn my head, bottom lip caught between my teeth in an attempt to calm down my racing mind. a glimmer of hope had crossed over my heart - but i had no clue as to why. even if it had been him - steve - what would i have done? regardless of our history - we also hadn’t seen each other in a couple months. what did i expect - a friendly ‘hello’, maybe a conversation on the weather?

i heard the name of my stop called as the doors opened - causing me to walk off the station and back into the cold night.

since then, it started happening with anyone over 6 foot, and with a mildly muscular build. then it was anyone with a deep voice - the sound causing me to to snap my head towards them and disappoint myself.

god, i hated him for making me like this.

[queersatanic]

Hey! I know you have probably mentioned this on your blog before but I've been scrolling through your TST tag for a while and haven't seen it. But what were you guys originally criticizing TST for that ended up in them claiming defamation? You don't have to answer but I'm really curious! Hail Satan :o)

If you saw the last post, their lawsuit actually includes as evidence of defamation excerpts of some of those very same news articles that were published years ago but now involved being critical of TST on what had previously been a local chapter page.

In addition, Medium articles were posted of people who had left and the social media of chapters that broke away in 2018, which apparently a lot of people hadn't been aware of before.

This Heresy Labs thread also goes into a lot more about the top leadership's history of associations with alt right figures and worse, like Tom Metzger, Mike Cernovich, and Stefan Molyneux.

It's been known for years that Doug Misicko / Doug Mesner / Lucien Greaves took part in a grotesquely bigoted 24-hour stream to announce the release of an edition of the proto-fascist book "Might Is Right" that Greaves had illustrated.

(Warning: audio is antisemitic.)

And apologists today say, "Well, that's a long time ago", or "that's all been dealt with already", or "but notice how Lucien wasn't the most racist person in the room."

They leave out that a decade later, Greaves set up TST with Shane Bugbee, the "not a drop of Jew blood" guy in that clip, and they both initially pushed to make "Might Is Right" be their foundational text before being talked out of it. Greaves has spent the last decade defending people like Milo Yiannopoulos, August Sol Invictus, and other bigots in the name of "free speech" even while shutting down speech internally, and minimizing the threat of Nazis while taking time to take potshots at antifascists. And membership has no power to hold leadership accountable because the structure is a hierarchical pyramid with no real recourse if those above you feel differently, no matter how many below feel differently. That was the issue with Greaves calling up Breitbart to overrule the SoCal chapter planning to protest Milo.

Additionally, they've called it "doxxing" to post links to the Massachusetts Secretary of State's office to show all of the other businesses that Cevin Soling (a self-described "secular Jew", so one of the good ones, per Greaves in that clip) owns under the name "Cevin Soling" and under the pseudonym "Malcolm Jarry". But, this has been known since at least 2014; the Church of Satan has documented it for years and not been sued; and it's tough to call the public information about a multi-millionaire real estate scion who owns multiple for-profit companies and has his own Wikipedia entry doxxing, innit?

It's actually kind of important to know who one of the two legal profiteers of TST—including the corporation that owns its headquarters—stands on stuff like desegregated public schools (homeschooling helps get away from schools overwhelmed by "heterogeneous populations") or people protesting against Israel (hint: not a fan).

In the scope of their whole lives and issues of concern going back decades, both Misicko and Soling's priorities for TST make a lot more sense.

That's probably more than you wanted to know, and some of the stuff we only found out after the fact because we had to.

The only good thing to come out of all this is that Punk Lesbian & Sapphic Memes' image is now part of the federal court record.

While in charge of social media for the Seattle/Washington State chapter and months of posting about how transphobia, white supremacy, and ableism were bad, or how TERFs were natural allies of Christian conservatives, suddenly we got the word that opposing those things was stuff that had nothing to do with Satanism.

So when we left with a couple of the social media pages and said, "Well, we are against fascism, white supremacy, patriarchy, ableism, and transphobia" and used our Satanic antifascism logo, they have now said both that it associated them with extremism ("ANTIFA") and that sharing news articles and other documents in the public record about their history was defamatory.

In their refiling, they are apparently trying to claim that our logo is derivative of them somehow, and are claiming that starting a Redbubble with satanic antifascism designs to try to pay for some of the legal costs was an intellectual property violation.

So from our side, it feels like Calvinball since every time we have to address something new, it costs us thousands of dollars, and they have much more money to draw on than we do.

[maylalupa]

Fate took an unexpected twist when Mabel Pines, a quirky girl from another dimension, fell into their story. One day, while visiting Agrabah with her brother Dipper, the lively Mabel became fascinated by the legends of the Enchanted Realm, particularly the rivalry that buzzed between Aladdin and Mozenrath. With her innate curiosity and penchant for shipping, she excitedly proposed her theory to both brothers, oblivious to the gravity of her suggestion.

"Guys, you might not believe it, but I've been reading fan threads, and there's a whole fandom that ships you two together! Like, together together! Even though, you know, you’re brothers!" Her eyes twinkled with mischief as she interjected, giddy at the thought.

“Elaborate on this shipping nonsense.” Mozenrath said.

“It means that people pair you with Aladdin romantically as a couple.” Mabel explained.

Both brothers stared at her, jaws dropping in disbelief. Aladdin’s heart sank at the revelation, his brow furrowing. “Brothers? Us?”

Mozenrath’s face turned a shade of pale that rivaled the moon. “That’s disgusting,” he replied, the very idea making him feel queasy. The thought of anyone even hinting at a romantic connection between them sent shivers down his spine.

Mabel, undeterred by the unsettling reaction, continued to babble on about their familial ties until they decided it was time to put her claims to rest. What if it was really true? What if she was right?

“Let’s settle this once and for all,” Aladdin suggested, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “We can use one of Mozenrath’s spells or something.”

Mozenrath, clearly reluctant, eventually conceded, knowing there could be no peace until the truth was uncovered. He brandished his magic, weaving a spell that would unveil their lineage—a DNA test of sorts.

As the magic crackled in the air, swirling between them, a profound energy surged. Mozenrath raised an eyebrow, glaring at the orb of light that flickered and brightened before bursting into a flurry of colors. The results coalesced into words that hung between them, a sharp revelation that pierced the air.

“Half-brothers,” the spell declared, floating before their stunned faces.

Aladdin’s heart raced. Half-brothers? The idea felt foreign yet alarmingly familiar. He turned to Mozenrath, whose expression slid from shock to anger. “This changes nothing!” Mozenrath snapped, his voice low yet fierce. “I will not be linked to some street rat, let alone share my blood with you.”

“Maybe it doesn’t change anything for you,” Aladdin replied, clenching his fists. “But I’ve been alone for so long, and now I learn that I have a brother out there, and yet you—”

“I want nothing to do with you!” Mozenrath barked, a hint of the vulnerability he normally hid creeping into his voice.

“Well, too bad! We’re brothers whether you like it or not!” Aladdin shot back, a blend of frustration and heartbreak rising within him.

Mabel, caught in the midst of the escalating tension, stepped in. “Hey! Maybe this isn’t how you both wanted to find out about your relationship, but you can’t ignore the bond you share! You can’t just throw it away because of a title!”

Mozenrath’s icy facade began to crack as he took a deep breath, feeling the weight of a life spent alone close in. Aladdin too wrestled with a mix of rage and despair. The revelation hung between them, striving to either foster resentment or reconciliation.

“I don’t want your family ties,” Mozenrath finally said, more to himself than to Aladdin. “I’ve survived for so long without them.”

“Maybe it’s time you stopped surviving and started living,” Aladdin whispered, the words heavy with unchartered responsibility.

As words echoed through the sands of time, the path ahead of them remained uncertain. They were two halves of a whole, marred by a past neither had known until now, bound to each other in ways they couldn’t yet understand. Perhaps amidst the anger and disgust lay the very foundation of something deeper—brotherhood forged in the fires of destiny.

And somewhere, in another dimension, Mabel Pines grinned with the sense of satisfaction that only a fan-girl could understand—she might have just turned two enemies into reluctant allies, even if they still couldn’t see it themselves.

I’ve lowkey been toying with the idea that Mozenrath actually is Aladdin’s OLDER BROTHER but neither of them is aware of that. So it wouldn’t really play into Mozenrath’s characterization or even his HISTORY unless an Aladdin out there wants to take a ride on the angst train someday.

Like, Mozenrath never knew his father, his mother died very, VERY young, and not long after that he came under Destane’s apprenticeship.

It wouldn’t be RELEVANT but it’d be a fun tidbit to play with SOMEDAY.

[canon-rivamika]

I'm new to AoT society, I've never been anime fan but my friend 2 months ago recommended AoT to me, and I've fell in love. I've also never been a shipper, but while watching for the first time Aot i've been 100% neutral towards any couple development, but i noticed that suddenly I started hoping in anticipation for any Mikasa/Levi development. I was sure they're gonna end up together as a couple, I loved the chemistry andtension between them and every little look. The way they're almost always

The way they’re almost always portrayed together, standing next to each other, and after every Acker-talk, the way Levi adresses Mikasa made me believe that there will be more of them. I hope there will be more of them, aspecially after newest manga events. And I’m saying this as a neutral viewer, because of all those discreet hints in anime I believed there really is something between them.

Hello anon!! Welcome! You came to the fandom at a certainly interesting time. The manga’s current arc is heading fast to Isayama’s intended ending and Isayama is giving closure to multiple important plot threads. 

The anime had its pros and cons - while Season 3 part 1 did include some filler fanservice, some critical manga panels about Rivamika were left out. Season 3 part 2 was better though, and our Ackerbowl was done beautifully. From your ask I can’t be sure if you’ve caught up with the manga’s most recent arc (this blog is full of spoilers! I always tag them snk spoilers), but Isayama hasn’t dropped the ball on Levi and Mikasa yet. Their connection is once again mentioned and is still an important mystery that I’m sure will be addressed in time, even if in an epilogue. I’ve been reading SNK for a long time and even though I know Isayama likes to build suspense around these two, he didn’t disappoint me every time Rivamika interacted or a new thing was revealed about them. The hype is truly big when it comes to these two (even for non-shippers) and it wouldn’t be like that if Isayama fed us Rivamika interactions all the time, right?

I’m still hopeful for a last ackertalk and that their relationship will develop even more before SNK ends. And as a shipper, I still deep down believe Rivamika will be canon in some way (be it romantic or familial). I’m glad you didn’t give up hope nonnie! ^_^

[omegangrins]

Father Octavian is the Thin Gay Anglican Marine.

Tl;dr: Father Octavian is the Thin Gay Anglican Marine. It's just that simple.

I've allways felt there was a loose thread side thread in the 11th Doctor's story. Not so much with the Doctor, but with a side character.

We are introduced to Father Octavian in s05e04 "The Time of Angels". River Song promised him an army and she says she brought him the equivalent of an army: the Doctor. And he makes no objections after that. That simple introduction and he doesn't even ask "Doctor who?". Just immediately moves forward with full confidence in the Doctor.

Think about that. You're a space priest commander asking for an army and you get one crazy looking man and a redhead, and yet you don't ask any questions about it. Just immediately trusts River and the skills of the Doctor. Now it could be a plot oversight, but with Moffat's tendency for timey wimey-ness, there could be another idea:

Father Octavian knows about the Doctor, specifically this Doctor, because he was on Demons Run as the The Thin Gay Anglican Marine and saw him firsthand in s06e07 "A Good Man Goes to War".

Now a couple of reasons why I think so:

1) After Demons Run, the TGAM (It's less offensive than writing it all out 😊 ), has no partner. Remember, his head was cut off and the TGAM even realizes this only after the fact.  This could allow him to rise up through the ranks much easier. Being able to devote all of his time to a better cause.

2) Despite Madame Kovarian's plan working, many of the soldiers, like Colonel Runaway, suffered personal levels of humiliation. Including the TGAM, who is even given a momentary close-up shot of hesitation and concern about it all. This leaves him with an understanding of the Doctor's real power. (And helps to sets up Octavian's "I think, sir, you know me at my best." More there later...)

3) In s07e14 "The Name of the Doctor", we learn that the Kovarian chapter was actually a rogue branch of the Papal Mainframe. Meaning that what they did was unsanctioned. So assuming that they didn't court martial the grunts because they were simply following orders, then the TGAM is free to do as he pleases, militarily speaking.

4) Father Octavian tells the Doctor that River Song is under his supervision til she has completed the task he has set for her in order to bring down her sentence. So they have a close working relationship and he wishes to see her freed. He's mean to her, yes, but the TGAM/Octavian would know that River Song is technically a trained psychopath. He wants to help but also doesnt trust her despite that.

So short and sweet of it is that it would work out like this:

After being humiliated at Demons Run, losing the love of his life, and learning that he'd been lied to, the TGAM decides to devote himself to the better parts of space church, and grows up to be Father Octavian one day. Using his privilege of authority, he works to help rehabilitate/free River Song. Eventually one day he meets the Doctor again for one last adventure.

This is why he trusts him almost on sight. He knows the Doctor. Seen him in action first hand, and now he's like Lorna Bucket. In awe with the greatest respect. And why he blames the Doctor for the deaths he does too. Time traveling around he knows not to reveal too much, but still knows he can drop hints to the Doctor about being more mindful of the humans he surrounds himself with.

And all of this, is why Father Octavian tells the Doctor, "I think, sir, you know me at my best." He was able to redeem himself. To go from a soldier falling orders that loses their love and pride to their religion, to leading that religion in order to make up for the mistakes of theirs, and it's past. Octavian was proud in that moment to have finally done something helpful/good for the Doctor. Or at least, made himself a symbol to strive towards something better.

https://www.reddit.com/r/doctorwho/comments/cafw8c/father_octavian_is_the_thin_gay_anglican_marine/

[ugrush-the-merciful]

The Deep End: Session 1 (part 1)

Where to even begin?

Every DM gets the same warning when learning to run a game: your players won't do what you expect them to do.

We nod politely, trying to accept the obvious advice in the spirit its been given, all the while thinking: Ah, but I know these players. Forewarned is forearmed, I can direct and even predict their paths! I alone can outmaneuver the DM's curse!

Needless to say, you can't predict the unpredictable. But I'm getting ahead of myself, because actually...

By any objective metric, our first session went amazing! The final hours of preparation stretched well into the morning-of, leaving me with about 4 hours of actual sleep. Mrs. Ugrush lifted mountains to make the place ready for the adventuring party, and everyone arrived annoyingly on-time, which meant I ran out of excuses to delay our start time and could only barrel through the stage fright.

Oh, did I forget to mention the stage fright? Because it's monstrous. I've always had it; no matter how many middle-school plays, and high-school theater clubs, and college classes, the last 10 minutes before the curtain rises are utterly brutal on me. I've learned to just sweat it out, grind my teeth, and push on...but every time I do, I know it will be back.

I think it comes from a good place, honestly. We want the audience - or the players - to have a good time. We want to be able to deliver lines and narrative with confidence, and bring people into the world. It's pressure! I can't pretend to like it, but I know I've done enough preparation when, a few minutes in, that pressure disappears - left behind by the momentum.

I knew to expect the stage fright. What I didn't expect was to completely disassociate for the first two minutes!

I know, that sounds alarming, but it's not as weird as it sounds. There's something about that tension before GO-TIME that just...propels the first couple of minutes. It's like jumping off a diving board and not remembering the moment between choosing to jump, and hitting the water.

Here's a snippet:

You have only my word, of course, but as my players can attest I did not remember most of this conversation and had to go back and listen to it just so I could re-create the character. It was surreal.

Which brings me to my first tip, I suppose: RECORD EVERYTHING. It's just so much easier than taking notes while DM'ing, or cribbing from a player later. Get everyone's permission first, of course, but odds are if you're having any fun at all, they'll want to re-listen too.

Eisenhower is credited with saying "[..] plans are useless, but planning is indispensable," and I couldn't agree more. Having planned out the history of the city, created major characters with their own histories, and laid out points of interest as well as plot hooks in several different forms, we had no problem keeping within the bounds of what I had prepared....which does not mean everything went as expected!

Some of it is my fault - a central theme in Voltaire is the fair, and I stocked that fair with interesting locations and characters. Out of an abundance of caution, I prepared more than I thought would be needed so that players would be free to explore. What I did not expect was that my players would want to see every. single. one. I had to stop dropping hints after a while because they couldn't help but chase them down, and it was diverting their progress on any one thread!

Having gone in with an expectation that holding their interest would be a challenge, I was shocked. Wait, they actually like this place? I'm not boring them?

I can only say thank you to my players for being so gracious - they're not obliged to take the worldbuilding seriously, but they were constantly up for it and that made it so much better for me. The physical props were a big hit too - everyone got a poster as a kind of party favor/quest hint, and the city map generated actual gasps:

That's one hell of a morale booster for a first time DM.

So I could hardly blame the players for playing in the sandbox; that's why its there! But I did make another kind of mistake, the newbie-watching-too-much-actual-play kind: I tried, very hard, to give each player their own introduction.

If your first thought is oh, that's so thoughtful! Let me tell you, it's not. Players by and large do not want to shoulder the narrative burden. So, tip number two: Playing and DM'ing are different modalities.

It went fine at first; part of one player introduction is up there with Fennegan's audio. Then, we tried to get too clever. I prompted one player in advance that he should expect some conflict, and that this conflict would give another player an opportunity to intervene: a kind of DnD meet-cute. I wanted something more interesting to explain their relationships than "we all met in a tavern".

In doing so, however, I ended up inadvertently leaving an essential bit of progress up to the player's instincts, without giving him all the info he would need to play along gracefully. The conflict in question was a pair of guards shaking down his fair display for protection money. I had the guards give him some attitude and the suggestion of a threat, fully expecting his response to be hostile in reply - or at least uncooperative.

Instead, Cliff (the character), decided that the smart move was to comply, and negotiate for more benefits for the transaction.

It was great! What unexpected roleplay! But do you know how hard it is to keep a couple of throwaway thugs acting angry when they're getting what they want? How can Tal (the Rogue waiting in the wings for her 'cue') come to your rescue when you no longer need saving?!

My bad.

It was the only real stumble of the night, because we had no choice but to just improvise a pre-existing relationship for them on the spot. Lesson learned - individual introductions are tricky. And yet, I couldn't be mad about it. Firstly, because I set them up for this mistake. And secondly, because the scene still needed someone to run the guards off, I was forced to amplify a background character into a leading role in a way I'd not even slightly anticipated.

And that's when I knew I really liked this game.

It's such a strange sensation to build the car, lay down the roads, and put up street signs for your story, and then put someone else in the driver's seat...but that's what DnD really is! It's cooperative storytelling, and improvisation (informed by your preparation) in service to progressing that story is obligatory.

(And also a lot of fun!)

[thisnerdsadventures]

a 2021 update

Ah, so I have forgotten to update in a million years, per usual

~ Random thought section ~

I woke up this morning and read this tweet thread about Alice Wu's director's note for her movie The Half of It. It's streaming on Netflix, and I highly encourage to go watch it, it's probably one of my favorite movies from the past few years. Anyways, she talks about how she produced the film while digesting the heartbreak of a friendship breakup - the whole thread hit me on a different level, but here's a quote that really hit home for me, especially a month from graduation: "The end of the film is each of their beginnings. And for my characters, I can think of no happier ending." We spend a lot of time worrying about the end of things and the uncertainty of things to come. Yet, there was a time where we worried about the exact same things for the very chapter we are now so nervous about leaving.

1. I'm nervous about leaving school and starting the..... rest of my life???

2. I'm nervous that my friends will slowly fade away. I'm nervous that they'll get on with their lives and I'll be slowly still trying to get my bearings, stuck in limbo.

3. I'm nervous that starting adulthood will be difficult because there are no more college orientations, no more awkward freshman dinners, perfect opportunities to meet new friends who are just as nervous as you are.

In writing this out, I felt a sense of deja-vu, like I had written these words before. So I just looked back at some of my posts right before entering college, and lo and behold:

08-18-2016: Today I said goodbye to one of my closer friends, and i realized that without even knowing it, Sunday’s party was the last time I would see some of my closest friends. It’s awful that way, that you don’t even know it’s the last time until it’s passed, and you’re left to pick up the the end of a chapter of a relationship from the scraps of an unexpected and improper farewell.

I feel like I’m in a weird twilight zone between college and high school where my present friends are all beginning to fade away to move on in their lives, and I’m yet to really meet anyone in my class yet, so at the moment,,,,,,there really isn’t anyone.

I wrote this less than a week from moving to Boston, and it's so shocking to me that I also experienced the "unexpected and improper farewell" part in senior year. It's almost the exact same thing that happened in COVID and is continuing to happen. You never know when the last time you might see someone might be, except instead of consolidated over the course of one pre-college summer, it's over the course of more than a year, the time that this pandemic has been going for.

And I hate that I said the "fade away and move on" thing verbatim, literally nearly five years ago. To be honest though, it's true, a lot of them did fade away and move on. But so did I, I wasn't left behind. To some extent, I was the one who did a lot of the moving away. And like many things in life, a couple of us continue to hang around, and maybe our friendships cycled in and out over college, but have come around again after a few years. I guess those are the ones that you know will stick around. The limbo period between chapters is a hard one, and it's nice to know that present-day me isn't the only one who has felt this. It's nice to know that past me met so many incredible people so fast, that I forgot this limbo period happened.

I know this part is getting a little long, but there's just a couple more snippets I want to share:

08-13-2016: I recently read Marina Keegan’s essay The Opposite of Loneliness, and one line resonated with me a lot: We’re so young. It seems silly and almost pretentious for me to think that this party would be so final, and yet it does, even though we have decades upon decades to build and connect or reconnect.

We’re so young, but that doesn’t stop the understanding that we are going to a new chapter in our lives and that it’s going to redefine our relationships. I hope it doesn’t change them too much.

I suppose much of the anxiety of going to college results from having to build my own community from the ground up again.... I tell myself the pieces will fall together and everything will be ok, but it doesn’t stop the increasing anxiety from, well, increasing.

I loved this collection of essays, if you haven't read it, I recommend you do. In moving around for so many years, I haven't been able to keep a lot of books in my possession, but I kept this one because that essay really hit home for me, and continues to, no matter what part of life I'm currently experiencing.

I think moving to college did change my relationships. But change is not a bad thing - your childhood friendships, the few of them that survive, end up strengthening and growing into adult friendships. And in the end, isn't that better than not changing at all? I'm hoping that a few of my college friendships will do that too - we'll go from college friends to family friends, and my kids will call them "Aunt" and "Uncle" and they'll grow up watching their parents talk for hours in the front yard before finally getting in the car and leaving for home.

08-13-2016: But hey, this is part of what I signed up for, I knew I wasn’t going to have much of an initial safety net, but I’m sure I’ll survive. We, as humans, always find a way to adapt right?

I think I survived and adapted. Not in the way I saw things going, but we can never really fully predict things, can we? One day, I'll learn to give myself a safety net for the next chapter, I'm sure. Today's not that day though.

Going back to her director's note, there was one more thing that just struck an emotional chord for me:

Fun fact, Alice Wu actually went to MIT for a bit before transferring to Stanford, and then she became a software engineer at Microsoft! I relate a little too much to her. Maybe one day I too will dump coding for my art form. But for now, in this above example, I relate far too much. I worked on my album, Imperfect, a little too obsessively this past winter while trying to digest the throes of heartbreak from one of my own friendships that ended. I still don't know if there was an ending for that friendship. I think I've spent a lot of time trying to put off the end, like a TV series that just keeps adding more and more seasons. Regardless of whether it needs to end or not (which I have not decided and will continue not to do so), I spent a lot of time thinking about who I was before and after that friendship, and I've concluded that a lot of who I am now, what my life looks like now is a result of that friendship. I'll give you a hint: I really like who I am now, compared to who I was before, and it showed me a lot of parts of life and friendship that I never expected would happen. That friendship was (is?) one of the most beautiful things that has happened to me in my life.

Let's finish off this reflective post with a quote from Khalil Gibran, that's kinda related to that point about how transformative the past can be, and how we're far better off in future chapters of our lives because of it.

When you part from your friend, you grieve not;

For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.

Again, if you haven't read his collection of poems, you should absolutely 100% drop whatever you're doing right now and do so! Wow, I really just assigned an entire reading list in this post.

I hope in making this movie, Alice found peace. I would hesitate to say that I found peace when making my album. I wrote a lot of songs about the heartbreak I felt from that whole experience. But the last song I wrote, "Best Friends," ends the whole thing on a positive note, that at the end of the day, I remember how my friends (past and present) literally saved my life and how things are looking a little better, and whatever happens, I hope my best friends will be there waiting for me, whoever they end up being.

- OK I PROMISE I DIDN'T SET OUT TO BE 100% SO EMO -

But yeah, I haven't really been doing much otherwise? I guess just tryna stay alive, I've been cooking a lot and cooking a lot of good good food, I did apply to an MBA program, I got my COVID vaccine (second shot this week!), I am excited to announce I am publishing a paper in my MEng lab, which is a really big accomplishment imo, I am thriving in my (1) econ class that I kept, even though I didn't realize we had readings assigned like for the past month, I went to try pastries from this Turkish bakery, I biked, probably, 15 miles over the past month, I've read at least 4 or 5 books this year so far, and am hoping to knock another one out today. Currently dying because trying to finish my thesis in like . a week, which is looking a little challenging, but I'm sure it'll happen!!!??