#[hitting brain with broom] no. bad. stop it .

[talkorsomething]

...well, i now officially know i've lost weight.

Like... a lot? a lot more than i had thought?

Which is. Odd because honestly pretty much everything still feels like it fits about the same...

I guess it explains why i've been more cold?!

+ also i dont know Why it's so much... if i start eating like a normal human being again i don't... really *want* to go over where i started? :/ i guess i'd maybe be fine w/ being about the same because i know it won't be That big of a difference. Or i don't think it will anyways? Hm...

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

if you're still taking prompts for the 1k fic thing, I'd love to see a little scene about the first time stede comforts ed after a nightmare 🥺

Ahh this is so soft!! (And yeah, I'm still taking prompts for 1k word fics!)

--

Stede was a bit surprised when he blinked awake to the darkness of their bedroom.

After a lifetime at sea, Ed’s body was used to rising with the dawn. Usually, Ed started shifting with the sun, and his movements stirred Stede, and they were able to wake up together as the early-morning light turned their bedroom pink.

Stede wasn’t sure at first what had woken him up -

Ed’s elbow was nudging him in the ribs, the movement jerky and twitchy.

“Ed?” Frowning, Stede started to sit up, and when the only noise he got in response was a quiet whimper, he hurried to light the lamp on the nightstand.

Ed was still asleep, but it obviously wasn’t peaceful. His body was jerking slightly, his arms kept trying to pull up - like he was trying to raise them to protect himself, Stede realized. His face was twisted with fear, his cheeks were wet, and he kept muttering half-formed sentences, a string of “no” and “don’t” and “please” and “stop.”

Were you supposed to wake people up from a nightmare? Stede thought he’d read once that was dangerous - or was that seizures?

Then Ed made another miserable little whimpering sound, and that made up Stede’s mind for him.

He took one of Ed’s hands and placed his other palm over Ed’s chest, trying to wake him as gently as possible. As much as his brain was screaming at him to bang on Ed’s chest, he didn’t want to scare Ed further by waking him up so harshly.

Ed gasped at Stede’s touch, darting up to a half-sitting position before his eyes were even fully open. His face was nakedly panicked, and when his eyelids opened his eyes were wide and filled with tears, searching Stede’s face wildly.

Recognition hit him belatedly, and Ed crumpled back against the pillows with a ragged sigh.

“Hi,” Stede said quietly. “Are you -”

He was cut off by Ed pracally launching forward into his arms, clenching Stede’s nightshirt in his fingers. Stede wrapped his arms around him on instinct, letting Ed hide his face in the crook of his neck.

“It’s alright,” he whispered. “You’re safe. Did you have a bad dream?”

Ed’s nod was soft and tentative.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Ed’s silence was answer enough, and Stede just sighed, resting his cheek against Ed’s forehead. “It’s alright. You don’t have to.”

“I’m sorry I woke you up,” Ed whispered, his voice coming out quiet and reedy.

“Not your fault,” Stede soothed. “I’m glad I was able to help.”

Ed pulled back, scrubbing at his wet cheeks with the back of his hand. “Thank you.”

He looked much calmer already, and although Stede’s heart clenched at the nervous, jittery quality to his movements, it was a far cry from how panicked and afraid he’d looked when he first woke up. It didn’t look like he’d be able to get back to sleep any time soon, though, with how anxious he still looked…

Stede couldn’t help but smile as the idea hit him, and he patted Ed’s knee. “I’ll be right back.”

Ed’s eyes widened. “Please don’t leave me.”

So Stede held out his hand, and he let Ed tuck himself into his side, wrapping a robe around him before leading him to their kitchen to grab the things he needed. Ed didn’t comment as he gathered a couple brooms, both their mops, and some rope, but he got it when Stede started securing the brooms to their bedposts.

“Babe, you’re such a fucking genius,” he groaned, his own tentative smile spreading across his face as he grabbed the quilt tossed over the chair in the corner.

With the brooms and mops secured to the bedposts, they could throw the blanket over them to make their bed into a pretty damn good blanket fort.

“There,” Stede said, satisfied with their work as he lifted the blanket for Ed to crawl inside. It felt safe and secluded, like nothing could get them.

The change in Ed’s body language was a relief. In the darkness of their fort, Stede could only really see the whites of his eyes, but he could feel the crinkle at the corners of his eyes as he smiled, and he could feel the loose-limbed comfort in Ed’s body as he pulled him close.

“Never had anyone do something like this for me before,” Ed admitted quietly.

That was a damned shame, and one Stede intended to try his best to remedy for the rest of their lives.

Ed’s head rested on Stede’s shoulder, and Stede ran his fingers through his hair, humming in contentment as Ed relaxed against him.

“My daughter used to have terrible nightmares,” Stede said. “I used to tell her stories. To help her get back to sleep.”

Ed was so quiet, Stede briefly wondered if he was already asleep.

“Your boyfriend has terrible nightmares,” Ed said, then, very quiet, almost embarrassed. “Maybe you could tell him a story? If you want?”

“Of course.” Stede hoped they’d get to a point, one day, where Ed wouldn’t have to feel embarrassed to ask for comfort. He’d always told Alma the same story, when she was little, and he began quite on autopilot. “There once was a princess named…Ed.”

Ed snorted, and Stede could feel his smile against his skin as he turned his neck to kiss over Stede’s collarbone. “Princess, huh? Is he a pretty princess?”

“The prettiest,” Stede said earnestly. “And this is the story of how Princess Ed saved his entire kingdom by…fishing up the giant monster fish that lived in the sea!”

“Wow,” Ed hummed appreciatively. “Did he have any help? Reckon he couldn’t have gotten far without his boyfriend.”

“Oh, yes,” Stede said. “They helped each other the whole way.”

Ed was asleep well before he could finish the story, but Stede stayed awake for a while after that, just holding his boyfriend in his arms and wondering how he got to be so lucky.

[siriuslychessi]

05 Meeting in a Foreign country

The Blacks always did a summer trip abroad to expand their culture, their distaste for muggles and visit distant family, that Sirius absolutely loaded.

However, this time around the trip was not so bad. They were staying with Uncle Alphard, the most bearable person in that family aside from Andromeda. Uncle Alphard had a nice house in the French Riviera where they were a bit far from the city yet close enough to the muggles that the rest of the Blacks and Rosiers didn’t deem a place to visit so often. 

This allowed Sirius time to explore on his own, visit places that usually his mother wouldn’t like, and of course not having to endure the horrible afternoon teas with all the dreadful aunts and uncles that Sirius’ never cared to remember or entertain. 

On a lazy Tuesday afternoon he decided to go to the nearby market. Regulus had been sunburned from the beach the day before, and her mother didn’t want to discuss his Gryffindor affiliations all afternoon, leaving him to roam around. 

He decided ice cream would be the best solution to all his problems, the only issue was that the trip to town was longer than he anticipated and the sun was just getting higher and higher, heating the road. Making him wish he had his apparition permit already instead of having to walk to town. 

After a while of sweating and feeling defeated, he remembered something he had accomplished the last year. 

Sirius had become an animagus over the last year, something that not many 16 year olds could brag about, and his animagus form was inconspicuous enough that he could arrive to town faster and without raising alarms. Maybe he could try to see if his alternative form would endure the heat better?

It took him longer than an experienced wizard to get the shape to change, he hadn’t perfected it just yet, the back and forth, and he did not fancy getting stuck half man half beast; repeating ‘Amato Animo Animato Animagus’ under his breath just to make sure. But after a few minutes, where he stood now was a black dog. 

Sirius let himself adjust to Padfoot’s form, he could feel the hair on his skin and as he usually changed during colder times he could not know how Padfoot’s body reacted. He remembered that the coat of fur would isolate him somehow from the heat and cold, it was an odd sensation being all covered in fur and not feeling as hot as he did in human form. 

He felt himself panting, his body running on instinct more than brain, and he decided to start a spring towards the city, gauging how it would be to actually run all the way there, maybe he could make it. 

There was a breeze from the sea, and his paws felt a little bit damped, like they were sweating, which made more sense than sweating from the furry spots. Yet the breeze was cooling him down, and he felt almost as if he was on a broom, flying, letting the breeze run through his hair and enjoying every minute of it. 

In no time he made it to town, he was tired but elated. Padfoot was amazing and he loved that he made almost no time there. It didn’t hurt that he got attention from the people that noticed him go through the city calling him a cute boy and giving him pets and treats as he went by. 

Yet his mind was made, he needed water and then transform to properly get ice cream. 

Looking for a place to get back into human form he was stopped by a person with long legs who stopped his tracks. 

The smell was familiar, comforting even, and he couldn’t figure out why, until a blonde woman ducked down to his level. 

“You are such a cute dog.” Marlene smiled at Padfoot, letting him smell her hand as a greeting.

The smell hit him strongly, the familiar nicotine and lavender mix that always drove him insane, was just there and all he wanted was to talk to her, to ask her things, to know why on earth was she put in France so near to his family? And why didn’t he know anything?

Because you were a proper arse before the end of the year. He reminded himself as he sniffed and then licked Marlene’s hand. 

“Who’s your person? Are they around?” she asked him but was not exactly expecting to get an answer. Not finding anyone with the black dog (and Sirius knew she wouldn’t) she stayed and pet him, finding the spot behind his ear that made his back leg move uncontrollably and felt amazing like something he didn’t get to experience as a human. 

“So that’s what you like.” Sirius heard her tease, and all he could do was bark as a reply, earning him more pets.

Last time that they had interacted Sirius just had heard about his cousin marrying Rodolphus Lestrange, and he remembered the last conversation he had with Bellatrix where she was outspoken about wizard rights and how muggles and muggles-borns should be put in their place. His mother had agreed with Bellatrix and showed desire to get Sirius and Regulus involved with Bellatrix and her circle. Which of course made Sirius’ skin crawl and all the pent up frustration he had at his family had come out at Marlene, who was a bystander.

Ever since that day Sirius wanted to apologise, and now that they were in the same city he wanted nothing more than to apologise and go back to how things were before that fight, to let her know he didn’t consider Marlene a nuance or bothersome. But he couldn’t bloody transform back just there, this secret wasn’t just his, and after last time he was sure that she wouldn’t listen to him just now. Not another deceit.

Instead he decided that ice cream could wait.

Padfoot licked her face, making Marlene giggle, “You are such a good boy, I wish that I could take you back with me.” 

He barked again, wagging his tail, wanting to hear more of Marlene’s laugh, apologising internally for ever hurting her like that, and pressing his head for more scratches. Today she could make her laugh a bit more, later on they could have the awkward conversation that the apology will ensue.

[melviships]

Nobody Told Me This Would Be The Way

Mason Anti-Mortem (Pre-Death) snippet. No pairing. No ships. Title from Lightning by Fangclub.

Content warnings: poor mental health, implied injury, mild blood.

I dunno. Just needed to get something out there for my sake.

Daybreak. The thin line where the curtains don't quite meet slices my face in half. I tilt my head forward and stare at the beam on the tip of my nose. I close my eyes and roll to face the couch.

Early Morning. Ozzy comes down the stairs. Her slipper backs smack against her heels as she crosses the kitchen tile. The sound of cupboards being opened have beats between them. They are humming faintly. Plastic crinkles. I feel a bag hit the couch and bounce off my hip.

"I know you're awake. Eat those muffins, please."

I grumble. The mini muffins are wet with preservative. The chocolate chips are edible. I pinch them between my teeth and squish them flat.

Ozzy puts on tea. I stay put on the couch.

The arm holes of my shirt have stretched far enough that my nipple threatens to reveal itself. I play with the edges until a mug is placed in front of me.

"Drink it while it's hot."

I huff.

The tea is cold by the time I remember.

Mid Morning. I've been given a set of clothes to change into. The sleeves have to be rolled up and the pant hems cuffed. It smells like juniper. I tug a curly pink hair from the collar.

Ozzy walks out and smiles my way. I raise a hand in acknowledgement.

"You going to be okay ? I know it's not ideal..." They adjust some hairs on my forehead with gel. "But it's money, right ? You don't gotta talk to anyone or anything."

"It's a job." My voice is frail.

"It's a job," they parrot. "I'll pick you up for practice. It shouldn't be too long before we have enough to get the van repaired. I promise."

I think about the van parked in the grass and my eyes glaze over.

Early Afternoon. I don't remember the drive. I don’t remember clocking in. I don't even remember what hot food I took from the deli.

The boxes start to blur together. Brown. Glossy with text. Covered in stickers. Box cutter, zip of cut tape, bass snap of being opened- more technicolor merchandise flooding my vision before it's put onto a shelf.

I don't see Yara walking up. I pick up a baggy of peach rings and stop as I memorize the shape of her bright white flats.

"Mason."

"Yes, Ms. Yara ?"

"You are required two tens. It is past the time for your first."

"My bad." The eyeroll is audible.

Afternoon. I think I had something cherry flavored. It sticks to my teeth like carpet cleaner. My mouth feels fuzzy with sugar.

Mid Afternoon. It was a slush cup. I eat a second one with some meat bread thing.

Late Afternoon. I make eye contact with an old classmate. There is no recognition in theirs. He asks if we have lighter fluid. I point to an end cap. I am not thanked.

I try not to think about it as my hands shake around the broom handle.

The scabs on my arms itch with heat.

Someone is trying to get my attention while I put supplies away. By the time I look up, the stranger has stomped off. I don't register the slur until I'm in the freezer moving plastic crates.

Mid Evening. The slur doesn't even apply to me.

Late Evening. I decide I've done enough and go next door for a sandwich loaded with vegetables. Yara does not blink when I walk back in to clock out. She does wish me a good night.

It's the first time I've smiled all day.

Ozzy is late. I ask if they have anything leftover at the deli. I receive a bag full of white chocolate macadamia cookies. I eat one on the curb.

At some point the headlights highlight my ankles. My socks have pizza slices on them. I poke one.

I do not hear the honking. I do get into the car at some point. Ozzy asks me about my day and I place a cookie into her hand, outstretched for a high five.

"Good one, I take it."

I don't disagree.

Nightfall. My brain is a neglected fish in a tank and my arms are the filter working overtime. My drums are streaked with blood. I do not flinch when Ozzy cleans my hands and leaves them to grow new skin. Not a word is exchanged when time comes to wrap them in cloth and tape.

"I'm sorry."

"Nah. You- mm. Yeah. Nah." Something soft wipes sweat from my cheeks. "I don't think you are. And you don't need to be. Anyway."

"It wasn't a bad day."

"It didn't have to be. Good days can be frustrating too."

"I don't even know if it was. A good day, I mean."

The 'oh' is mouthed more than said. They furrow their brow at the ground. "That's okay."

"OK." My thumbs up is stiff with bandage.

She hugs me firmly. It's firm enough that air wheezes from my lungs.

"Love you, bro."

I force out a response. "Yeah."

Dawn. I don't sleep. My thoughts spiral. I'm going to be like this my whole life, I doom myself. I hope Ozzy doesn't hear my cries choked with snot.

Early Afternoon. I wake up. No missed calls. One note.

"Breakfast in fridge. Money for lunch."

There are instructions for dinner when her parents get back.

"Remember to say thank you. You can take my bed tonight. Maybe even share, if you want to."

I eat brunch and try to remember I am loved.

[musubiki]

I have like three cat witches guild questions so I’m just gonna ask them all at once

Can Mochi use water magic? She’s the cat witch so she probs can but avoids it as much as possible do to her distaste for it. Leave that shit up to Taffy. I was imagining Lime pining down a rouge Ikasumi drawing yelling at Mochi to water gun it or whatever and she’s just like “I CANT THAT SPELL IS GROSS I DONT WANNA” and Lime just blank staring at her as Coco has to walk up and dump her hydro flask on the drawing and oops some of it got on Limes head teehee. They made her learn bubble beam after that

If Mochi can infuse magic into items like Lime’s bat and Coco’s shoes does she also have that in her broom? What if she got knocked away from her broom and Lime goes to pick it up mid fight and tries to use whatever magical blast she has stored in it to finish off the beast and he successfully fires it off but it shoots him back like 100 feet and it’s drained all his mana. Mans is down for the count after that hit, and now he realizing that Mochi does this all the flippin time during their battles and if looks like nothing to her??? How powerful is she??????

Lime waking up first after one of the first sleepover cuddle sessions and looking down at a slowly waking up Mochi and she asks what he’s thinking about and his thought process can roughly be translated to “REDACTED, █████, WITHHELD, NOT AUTHORIZED, 18+ █████, MUST HAVE HIGHER AUTHORIZATION TO ACCESS, █████, SHES SO FUCKIN CUUUUUTE” but what comes out is “eh nothing much”

Thank you for your time have a nice day

UHGNGFHGN I LOVE ALL THESE QUESTIONS TBH!!!!!!!!!!!!

she CAN use water magic, but she is absolutely ass at it. its notorious for the cat witch to be bad at water magic, you shouldnt be able to have good control over the only thing youre weak against. so she TRIES but its much like aang trying to earthbend, it doesnt work well with her. prior to taffy joining the guild, she couldnt use it at all (even after practicing hours and hours. pom knows she will never fully master water magic but it wont stop her from trying). even after taffy joins them and tries to teach her (hes ass at teaching by the way) she never grasps it fully. any water magic from then on is in taffys hands, mochi cant do it. its actually faster and more efficent to solve the problem in another way than to try to use bad water magic on it!!

this im not 100% decided on!!! im media theres a lot of different broom routes to take, some gives them complete sentience and some its just an object...in mochis case for now i just think of it as an object... im actually not even sure its something infused with magic, if mochi went through the magic-infusing theatrics. it might just be a traditional object you sit on to fly and the actual flight itself comes from mochi.....,,,.or!! its special in the sense that it can channel magic!!!! i say this because i dont think anyone else in the guild could fly on it even if they borrowed it from mochi!!! BUT THE IDEA OF LIME TRYING OUT ONE OF MOCHIS THINGS AND GETTING ABSOLUTELY BODIED BY IT IS AMAZING!!!!!! she probably stands over him like "Are u ok" and he has the most dumbfounded expression on his face

yes. 1000%. this scene fills my brain regularly. theres a 10000% chance he wakes up a little bit before her just so he can feel her sleeping on him. too many times shes trying to fall asleep and is like "Why are you so tense?" and he just gotta lay there like "Uhhhhhh nothing--"

[sometimes-love-is-enough]

Looking at your art makes me really curious about what your fics would be like if you wrote about your sides instead of thomas's. They're similar but different, you get me?

loop twenty-one.

“You’re… taking notes,” says Dee, coming to a halt on the front-of-theatre pavement. “Goodness fucking gracious. All right. You do you, I suppose.”

Min has not bothered getting up from a face-down position on the ground after her usual trip down the theatre steps. Her forehead and nose took the worst of the collision, but she barely seems to care. She’s propped herself up on her elbows, has her phone out, is typing rapidly into it. “We got hit by lightning,” she says, visibly delighted.

“I know,” says Dee with a soulless smile, tucking her hands behind her back. “I was there.”

“Actual, proper lightning,” Min reiterates. “Like, with the… electricity. The thunder. The everything. It hurt so fucking bad! I’ve never felt anything like that before, Dee!” She looks up, eyes bright and beaming ear to ear. “And I’m in near-constant physical agony, 24/7! Do you understand what great writing fuel this makes?”

“No,” says Dee. She turns her gaze towards the other side of the darkening street. Predictable as clockwork, the same time it always happens: Passion bursts out of the bookstore on the opposite street corner, followed by a barrage of angry yelling and a fully furious storeowner. She dances like a thistle caught in the wind, giggling like a maniac, gathering twenty-or-so paperbacks close to her chest and trying not to drop them all at once.

“Don’t worry! Don’t worry, they’re going to a better home!” she says, dodges a furious swipe from the end of a broom, and pirouettes elegantly before taking off across the street at a dead sprint.

As usual, she catches sight of Dee and Min on the other side of the road and brightens like she’s been filled head-to-toe with sunlight. The shopkeeper’s too close on her tail for her to stop near them, though.

“Hi, Dee! Bye, Dee!” Pash shrieks at the top of her lungs, skipping and tripping backwards down the pavement, waving as best she can with her arms full of books. “Hi and bye, person I don’t know! See you tonight, Dee! Love you, Dee!”

“Love covers a multitude of sins!” Dee calls back wisely, raising a hand in acknowledgement. “But I refuse to cover yours! Do not get arrested, and I will see you tonight!”

“It’s fine! I’ll just fuck my way out!” Passion carols with a musical little cackle, and then she starts running. In less than a minute, she’s out of sight, and the early-evening street is quiet once more.

Min is still taking detailed notes on what it feels like to be spontaneously cooked by Zeus himself. “…Seriously, what’s wrong with her?”

Dee stands sentinel beside her on the sidewalk, smiling at any pedestrians who look like they’re going to try to walk right over Min. Unsurprisingly, most people give the two of them a wide, wide berth. She says, “Lord only knows. I’ve always suspected she’s more hollow than the rest of us. Our loving creator gave her immense fuckability, but neglected to give her any semblance of brain. Praise be. Really, are you done yet? This seems unnecessary.”

“…I’m an author,” Min says after a sulky few seconds of typing. “I know it sucks that we’re dying over and over, but… if I can’t get inspiration from getting hit by lightning, what can I get inspiration from?”

“Praise be to our gracious creator, who said, lo! Let there be light! And in accordance with his spoken word, a light from the heavens arrives hence and blasts us to screaming smithereens. Call it a miracle, a blessing of the muses, because surely what else could have you taking notes on your phone in the middle of a time loop?” Dee rolls her eyes, turns her ever-present bland grin onto Min, tilts her head in vague condescension. “You do realize, of course, that none of this is going to carry over. You will lose all of those notes.”

“Ah,” says Min, suddenly downtrodden. Slowly, she puts away her phone. Slowly, she rises to her feet. Awkwardly, she brushes herself down – brings up the collar of her loose T-shirt to try to smudge the blood on her face away. “Right. Shit. Okay, well – what were you thinking we should do this time around?”

“Rat ought to be in the clockwork.” Dee shrugs, makes the vaguest of gestures right the way downwards. “We haven’t told her that we’re all dying at once, yet. Perhaps she’ll have something new to say about all of this with added context. Or maybe she’ll have a panic attack again.”

“The panic attack was your fault,” Min says, with only the barest edge of accusation. “You made her have a panic attack.”

“I deny all charges,” Dee says, and keeps on smiling.

“Sure. Okay. I don’t know if I want to go down there again. We could find Pash. Or the painter on Ursa Street, she seemed to know a thing or two. Or your angry mean ghost,” Min says, after another second of contemplation. “…Who keeps saying that she hates me, and I should know why, and she hates me even more for not knowing.”

“She says that to everyone, love, don’t take it personally,” Dee smiles, and takes Min’s hand. “Ursa Street it is. Let’s see what that lovely street artist of yours has to say about getting hit by lightning.”

[sparkedblaze]

PART 3 LET'S GOOOOO

*sigh*

Parts 1 and 2

@raggedy-albert tagging you bc you yelled at me ;-;

T/W cursing, talk of violence

"WHERE DOES IT SAY A GUY CAN'T CATCH A BREAK WHY SHOULD YOU ONLY TAKE WHAT YOU'RE GIVEN WHY SHOULD YOU SPEND YOUR WHOLE LIFE LIVIN' TRAPPED WHERE THERE AIN'T NO FUTURE EVEN AT SEVENTEEN BREAKIN' YOUR BACK FOR SOMEONE ELSE'S SAKE"

THOSE LYRICS HIT SO FUCKING HARD MY DUDES

JEREMY JORDAN'S VOCALS HOLY SHIT

HIS FACIAL EXPRESSIONS

MOVEMENTS

HIS A C T I N G

"I'll be there"

"Just be real is all I'm askin'."

"I GOT NOTHIN IF I AIN'T GOT SAAAAANTAAAAAAAAA FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

That's the end of act 1. I only just finished act 1. I pause it too much to type everything out. And also I napped earlier and it felt g r e a t

Finch laying across the table

"Just ask a fish in the desert"

LES SITTING UNDER THE TABLE

"Why do old people talk?" "To prove they's still alive"

Mush's eyeroll

Squeeze Elmer's shoulder

FRONT PAGE?!

IAIN'S SMILE FUCK HIS SMILE IS SO DAMN CUTE

"WOULD YA LOOKIT THAT'S ME!"

"WHERE'S ME?! WHERE'S ME?!"

"I WON'T BE LAST IN LINE FOR THE TUB TONIIIGHT"

Tommy snatching the pape from Davey

"There's a headline even Elmer could sell"

HENRY'S LAUGH/REACTION TO ^

"JACK DON'T RUN FROM NO FIGHT"

"Take it down shortstop"

"FOR JUMPIN' JACKS SAKE CAN YOU STOW THE SERIOSITY LONG ENOUGH TO JUST DRINK IN THE MOMENT"

HIS LIL PUNCHIES

Albert's look of disgust at being touched without permission

"I'M FAYHMUS"

Henry: So?

"When ya fayhmus tha woild is ya erster."

😕 Wot?

????

"Ya erster"

"What are you saying???"

"EY YAKNOW YA FANCY CLAM WIT THA POIL INSIDE"

"O Y S T E R"

"HOW MUCH DOES BEIN' FAYHMUS P A Y?!"

"U DON'T🚫 NEED MONEY 💲 WHEN UR FAYHMUS😎 THEY GIVES YA WHATEVA YA WANT G R A T I S"

HEARING THE FIRST LIKE CHORDS (?) OF KONY IS THE BEST BC KONY IS THE BEST SONG IF YOU CAN'T TELL BY HOW LONG THIS POST ALREADY IS P MUCH ONLY WITH KONY THINGS

RACE AND KATH DOING THE PLAYFUL HIT THINGS

WHY DID THEY CHANGE RACE'S LINE?! IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE FOR ROMEO TO WANT A PERMANENT BOX AT THE SHEEPSHEAD RACES

"Oh no"

*tucks emotional support stick under arm* "knOBBin WIt AlL DA MuCKeTY MuCks I'M BLowIN MY doUGH AND gOIN dELuxE"

Statue of Liberty

The obscene amount of times Racer sticks his tongue out

Raver ruffling Mush's hair

"AMSCRAY PUNK"

"BUNCHA WET NOODLES" "PULITZER'S POODLES"

Davey and Ike playing dogs even after everyone else drops it

EVERY SINGLE FACE IN THE POODLES SCENE

Lemme just (bad quality but I can’t clip it ;-;)

LIKE ALBERT WTF ARE YOU DOING???

JOJO MY MAIN MAN WHY

RACER THAT SMILE CREEPY AS HELL STOP

DAVEY AND IKE, AS STATED ABOVE

MIKE WTF

ELMER LOOKING ABSOLUTELY DONE

"LET'S GET DRUNK" 😃 Y E A H "NOT WITH LIQUOR" 😧

Clap

Hop

TAPPITY TAPPITY TAPPITY TAP MAKE ME STIM SO HARD ILY

FINCH AND HIS SUSPENDERS

EVERYONE GETTING OFFENDED AT GETTING ONE UPPED

TAPPITY TAP TAPPITY TAP TAPPITY TAP TAPPITY TAP

KICK

SPIN

BUMP BUMP

BUTTONS'S BROOM

EVERYONE GETTING SPOONS

"A L R I G H T RED"

SMALLS

ILY

SPOON FIGHT

EVERYONE JOINING IN

"GOT EM"

CHCHCHCHCHCHCHCHCCCKCKCKCCH

TAPTAPTAPTAPTAPTAPTAPTAPTAPTAPTAP

*shoving Kath out of chair*

*cleans off ground with hat*

BOOOOOOOOOOOOO

THE WAY THEIR LITTLE ARM THING TICKLES MY BRAIN

Albert: Ehhhh Albert: Oh shit that's actually p good

THE CHOREOGRAPHY IS SO GOOD

"LOOK AT ME I'M THE KING OF NEW YORK"

"THIS IS GONNA MAKE BOTH THE DELANCEYS PEE IN THEIR PANTSIES"

ELMER'S FACE

FINCH'S LIL FACE BANDAGE

THE SHOT WHEN THEY SING "GUTS AND GLORY"

SPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN

TKTKTKTKTKTKTTKTTKTKTTKTKTKTKT

"OF NEW YORK!!!"

SEEING THEM ALL OUT OF BREATH AND GRINNING AND IK THEY HAD SO MUCH FUN

SMALLS

Point

Clapclap clap

ROMEO AND FINCH HAVING SO MUCH FUN

FUCK WAIT NOW IT'S LETTER FROM THE REFUGE

"Dear Jack..."

I paused it.

I don't wanna watch anymore ;-;

I wanna pretend they're all still happy and tappin' around Jacobi's

"Guess I wasn't much help yest'aday"

"Oh, yeah, Jack This is Crutchie by the way"

Andrew Keenan Bolger is just so fuckin good

"So far they ain't brung us no fooood..." lol

"Maybe though... heh heh... Not tonight..."

"We miiiight just go..."

Definitely NOT Ike sleeping next to him SHHHHHHHHHHHHH

"Damn this place."

"Your friend Your best friend Your brother Crutchiiiieeeee"

Albert Some other redheaded newsie: "Enough already!"

Everyone looking for Jack

MISS MEDDA I FUCKING LOVE YOU

Jack pretending to not be crying

"You're a gem"

"Does it matta?"

"If you're running away, nowhere is ever the right place"

"How about lettin' a pal know you're alive?!" Jack: Ffs 🙄

"Why don't I leave you with your boyfriend?"

"YaevathinkIdidntwannabefound"

"A B O V E THE FOLD"

Bap

Smack

They're so close just lean forward a lil and give him a lil smooch

Poke

:|

"JUST LIKE I SAID"

"We're inevitable"

"Fame is one intoxicating potion"

"Yes he did and then he died :)"

Kath's lil supportive nod

"Smart enough to get you committed to a padded room"

JACK'S ART

"Lighten up, no one died."

LES'S LIL WORRIED FACE WHEN JACK TELLS THEM ABOUT CRUTCHIE

"If I wanted a sermon I would show up for church."😠

"Tell me how quitting does Crutchie any good."

"Exactly."

"Here's how it goes-"

T E E T H

"Jackie think about it"

JACK HOW WERE YOU EXPECTING TO MAKE IT IN SANTA FE WITHOUT KNOWING WHY A SNAKE RATTLES

"poor GUYS head IS SPINNING"

"Whywouldhesendforthegoonsanentirearmydozensofgoonsplusthecopsand-"

Kath’s amazement at Jack admitting being wrong

ETHAN’S DUMB FACE 😭😭😭

“Stay on track”

“AND WEVE GOT JACK”

Spit shake

Davey being disgusted

“And I’ve got a date!!!”

Kath being nervous asf to confront her dad

“The newsies are striking against… me”

Kath trying to melt into her chair

I’m gonna kick Snyder

*WHACK* “WHAT GOOD WOULD QUIET DO ME”

Kath’s panic when Jack shows up

“Ask and ye shall be received”

S i t

“Good aftanoon bois”

“Aaand which Jack Kelly is this? The charismatic union organizer? Or the petty thief, and escaped convict?”

“Which one gives us more in common? Eh?” *wiggles finger*

“Crowwlin”

“Want i should save ya a spot on the bill?”

B o y

“When New York wakes up to-“ 😗🧐 “-front page photos of our rally”

“Even some reporters”

THE BIG REVEAL

JACKS FACE

KATHS FACE

“Yeeeeeessss”

Why does Pulitzer hit his desk so much? Take a Xan and calm down my guy

I’m gonna kick Snyder pt 2

THE DELANCEYS CATCHING AND HOLDING JACK SO HE CANT GET OUT DHSGWHMFKE

Morris looking 100% done with Pulitzers shit

“They know I don’t care” 🙂

“Tossed 🫴🏼➰ to the rats🐀 Will they ever be able to thank you enough?💅🏻”

BOTTOM LINE REPRISE

I like that he calls Jack ‘Cowboy’ in this song as a little homage to the original, but (bc I saw Livesies first) I was so confused when I watched it at first.

So ik they only use the newsies to move sets bc they can go fairly unnoticed by the audience when they’re going on and off stage. But just the idea that even if they aren’t actually there with him, them still do everything for Pulitzer is a statement to me

Morris hopp of stairrrrrrs

*bonk bonk bonk* “That there… is firm”

Jacks lil tantrum

“NEWSIES NEED OUR HELP TODAYYY”

HELLO SPOT LOML

TOMMY BRACCO 😍😍😍 (congrutalions on his engagement 😭😭)

THE LIL GAP IN HIS TEETH IS EVERYTHING TO ME

Reasons I love Brooklyn (from left to right:

Graves

Myron

Spot

Hotshot

Bart

Ty for coming to my Ted Talk

“We’ll getcha payback with some PAY BACK”

Speepy Jack

Spot’s dramatic ass taking his hat off

“BOROUGH WHAT GAVE ME BOITH”

Everyone else hurriedly taking off their hats

“FRIENDLIEST PLACE ON OITH”

“PAYUS A VISIT AND SEE WHAT WE MEANS”

“AND WHEN YA DOOOOOO”

“WE’LL KICK YA HALFWAY TO QUEENS”

Definitely totally Jack Kelly on that printing press and definitely NOT Devin Lewis

The entirety of the boroughs introducing themselves

PFFPTTHHH

“WE IS HEEEEEERRRREEEE”

Davey’s first spit shake without wiping it off 🥹

MISS

MEDDA

LARKIN

Bart’s lil hops 🥺🥺

THE CROWD CONTROL

Eyebrows

Jack Jack Jack Jack

Everyone smacking signs against the ground

“Youwannabetalkedtolikeanadultstartactinlikeone”

Racer’s smile 😭😭😭

“That’s was a lousy thing to do” Everyone else: HELL YEAH IT WAS

Elmer’s Graves’ smile

Pulitzer

S H O V E

“He’s a sellout”

JACK RAISING HIS HAND AT LES

“YOU'RE A TRAITOR JACK”

DAVEY'S DEVASTATION

“HESAIDYOUCOULDGOTHROUGHMYSTUFF?!”

Kath plz be more considerate

THE

FUCKING

PROJECTIONS

"A little different from where you were raised?" s n a t c h

"I DO NOT THINK YOU ARE ONE TO TALK ABOUT TURNIN' ON FOLKS"

"Ya ffffffffADDA"

"a ffffffist in ya mouth"

Finger wiggle

Paper wiggle

"good for you"

"The children's crusade..."

"Oh no"

"Ya just gonna take back lAta"

Gotta be honest, Something to Believe In makes me so irrationally angry. Their whole relationship feels forced and only there for the romance grab :)

I feel like they could've done a lot with Kath's character without making her fall for Jack

Like it makes sense that Jack would feel things for her. She represents this freedom he's never gotten to have. She helped get the newsies a better hand in life. Granted it isn't perfect, but it's a hell of a lot better. Not to mention all the newsies have the emotional range of a speck of dust.

Kath, on the other hand, seems very in tune with her emotions. She knows how she feels about Jack during Watch What Happens, and I personally don't think much changed between them between that and StBI.

I think it would've been far better to have Jack, this emotionally ignorant artist pining after Kath, the 'sure of herself' journalist helping make a better life for his family, despite the repercussions of going against her father, who was originally in it just to further her career but has grown to care for and love all of these kids.

Have I mentioned the projections?

I also haven't mentioned this at all, but I love the newsies that push in Jack's 'penthouse' and just sit at the bottom of the set pieces.

Bump

SHOVE

Also seeing Kath deck Jack right here (bc she doesn't know how to respond to him trying to kiss her) would be so much better than a kiss

Don't ask me why, just trust me

Their hug at the end of it though

IS IT NORMAL TO KNOW WHICH NEWSIE IS GOING UP THE STAIRS BY THEIR SILHOUETTE?

"We could hold a hoedown in here and no one would be the wiser"

"Hey!" "Hm?" "It's good to have you back again"🥰 "Shaddup."

BillDarcy

Y'ALL THEY TRADED VESTS AND THEY WANT US TO BELIEVE EITHER OF THESE BOYS ARE STRAIGHT???

Darcy's disgust

"B B Bill. So I suppose you're the son of William Randolph Hearst." "And proud to be a part of your revolution"😃

Nicholas Masson rolling his sleeves up-

Can we talk about how perfect a Javey first kiss would've been at "we ain't come this far to lose" without Kath being there

"HEEEEERRRREEE THEY COOOOMMMMEEE"

Tommy Bracco

Albert's lil nod

Smalls doing nothing but wiggling that bolt

look look

"BLEED EEEEM"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FREEDOM"

Spot doing nothing but standing and looking intimidating

WHACK

HENRY HELP SMALLS

Ty 🥰

ALL THE ANGLES THROWING PAPES

"TEN THOUSAND FISTS"

LAYERS

LAYERING VOCALS IS MY KRYPTONITE

A;SLDKFHAPSHGPAIUSFGP

BAM "THERE'S CHANGE COMIN ONCE AND FOR ALL"

THE FUCKING KEY CHANGE A;LSDGHPAOUSFGPANS I SCREAM. I CRY. I FOAM AT THE MOUTH. I LOVE THIS SHOW

Stomp

"WELL I'M SORRY-I AM-"

"Sorry"

"Such language"

"MORNIN GENTS"

hat

I didn't know you could throw money in an inherently queer-coded way but here we are

The way Jack sits in the chair and gets confy

"Oh, we're your loyal employees"

"Oooohhhh"

"WHAT'S THAT MAKE YOU"

Ben Fankhauser

The chorus starting up again and Jack just 👀

Spot taking off his hat again

wavey wavey wavey

Race 'cheers'ing with his cigar

"So what's your next move"

MISS

MEDDA

"Joseph Joseph Joseph"

Hummy hummy hummy

"Bully"

Shakes hand "My god"

"I'd do it with a SMILE"

"A soft head"

"He doesn't do happiness does he?"

HANNAH

HANNAH ILY

"I'm young. I ain't stupid"

"I GOT CONTITUENTS WITH A LEGITIMATE GRIPE"

Wiggle finger

"iT's a CoMprOMIse WE cAn All LiVE WiTH"

Spit shake

"andtheWorldwillknow"

TOMMY

FINCH

RACE BUTTONS ALBERT ROMEO I LOVE ALL OF YOU

THEIR SIGNS

HUGS FOR EVERYONE

Why does every actor who plays Roosevelt look exactly the same????

"Ya miss me?!" YES😭

Davey swallowing his laugh when Crutchie calls Roosevelt 'your highness'

"Don't sweat it, gov"

"tarantulas?"

"And we're family" YEAH YOU ARE BABY

"show me that backseat I been hearing so much about"

Albert's gimme gimme gimme motion

"G U Y S"

Race's lil hop

"I been I been BUSY"

smacksmacksmack

"CARRYIN THE BANNER MAN TO MAN"

"HERE'S THE HEADLINE"

Jeremy Jordan counting his steps

"WHOO"

"OF NEW YORK"

*incoherent shouting* "NEWSIES OF NEW YOOOORK AYOOOOO"

Tommy being slightly off

Kick

Spin

Flip

Clap clap

CHAZ WOLCOTT IS SO FKING TALENTED

shrug

BART

slide

I DON'T REMEMBER HIS NAME BUT THE GUY WHO PLAYS DARCY DOING FLIPS WITH NICK MASSON (WHO PLAYS BILL)

Specs falling when they do the lil cartwheels

All their lil hops and bows

THE DELANCEYS HANDSHAKE

AKB

Kara Lindsay being a lil early

JJ almost eating it

HYPEHYPEHYPEHYPE- Race, Mike, Ike, and Spot

JJ boogeyin

Kara and Ethan boogeyin

Kara and Jordan hugging

Nick swinging from the set

Ben and Sky doing a handshake and Ben almost knocking Sky over going for a chest bump when Sky wanted a hug

I DID IT

I FINISHED IT WITH ENOUGH ROOM

I HONESTLY THOUGHT KONY WOULD MAKE ME NEED AT LEAST ONE MORE, BUT I THINK STBI COUNTERED IT

[lenjaminmacbuttons]

slowly realizing that the fact that ive had pretty significant long-term depressive episodes around this time of year for at least the past two/three years is, if you can believe it!, probably an indicator of seasonal affective disorder. what a concept

dumb and stupid and sucks cus this time of year is my BIRTHDAY

[queerasflux]

bad brain hours tonight, lads.

[lys1]

Congratulations! You waited so patiently <3 This is another Asra x fem!reader for you. NSFW. 5218 words. 

Playing With Potions

—————

The late spring morning air was warming up to be a balmy 75 degrees. You had your skirt pulled down and up, tucked in the back of the waistband, forming makeshift shorts. The shop was somewhat quiet, yet the din from the streets made its nimble way through the open windows.

You descend the ladder to the box of ingredients you were unpacking. They had come in the previous evening and Asra had promptly asked you to “organize them later”. Of course you said yes, the two of you shared this shop after all, and the work that came with it.

Asra himself was bustling behind the counter, sweeping the wooden floors free of the dust and fallen ingredients. He stops momentarily to pick up his cup of tea and take a long sip. The jasmine tea's steam billows into his face as he sighs with content pleasure.

The floorboards creak as you step down and Asra looks over at you, gaze soft. "How's the supplies look, dear?" He asks curiously, returning the cup to it’s coaster.

"Ah," you muse, counting the small containers in your hands. "Looks like we will be all set on lizard toes for a while, I think our supply captain read 1000 instead of 100." You can't help but chuckle, it couldn't be helped, at least you wouldn’t have to order more for a while.

Asra's eyes open a little wider, "oh my." He laughs, "I suppose we won’t". He sets his broom to rest against the counter and bare feet pad over to you, his deep-purple eyes examining the products.

You feel his hand settle on your waist subconsciously; a side effect of being close to one another. You breathe in lightly, smelling the sweet scent of coconut and honied biscuits wash over you. Asra's breakfast choice was apparent.

"Mm," you say, turning so the two of you were face to face. "You smell delicious."

Asra smiles, box in his hand now a little less important. "Care for a taste?" He teases, eyes falling to your parted lips. He sets his lizard toes aside and joins his other hand at your waist. You look up at him through your eyelashes and nod.

He is a mere millimeter from sealing the gap between you when the bell of the shop jingles merrily.

"Ah jeez," you huff good in good nature. "I forgot we have jobs and responsibilities."

Asra laughs at your obvious disappointment and steals a small peck. "Unfortunately, we have to eat somehow." He then turns away and walks back to the counter to greet the customer.

The man is short and has a little round face. He looks extraordinarily nervous, and this catches your attention. Yours and Asra's shop is well known in the city and the townsfolk trust their magicians. You hadn't seen anyone come in here looking so nervous, and maybe even a little embarrassed.

"What can I do for you, sir?" Asra asks charmingly, resuming his position behind the counter. Briefly you let yourself admire how nice he looks, comfortable in his shop and expertise, before turning back to the box you were supposed to be dealing with. Not, however, letting your ears miss the conversation.

"I," the man starts, already fumbling with his words. "I, well look. I need help." He finishes plainly, nervously clutching his shirt between his pudgy hands.

Asra smiles kindly, "many do." He says, tilting his head and examining his new client. "Are you here for a card reading? Need to get some answers?"

The man groans as though he is already exhausted with the conversation. "No, I already know what I need. I have the answers. I've heard about this place. The ways you can help people. I live an hour out of the market and I made this trip just to see you."

"We're flattered, for sure." Asra says calmly, you can hear slight annoyance in his tone from all the ambiguity. The visitor is none the wiser though. "To help you though," Asra continues. "I'll need to know what you need."

"Alright I need a potion," the man finally reveals. "One that will help me... with performance." His cheeks are redder than a bell pepper in the sun.

Asra raises a white eyebrow, "performance? Are you an actor?"

"No!" The man's voice came out in a strangled whisper, obviously trying to keep it down. You roll your eyes, chancing a glance over your shoulder. The shop floor wasn't that big, of course you were going to hear everything.

"No," he said again, this time a little more composed. "What I mean is... my sex life performance." The truth comes out. Your visitor wipes his forehead with a dirty rag from his pocket. "My wife and I well.. we've hit a slump," he explains. "And I've heard of potions that can help with that kind of thing. Stuff that will completely change the game." His eyes are shining now, imaging life post-performance potion.

Asra looks uncertain at best. "I see," he starts, shooting you a glance. "That.. does exists. But it takes awhile to make. And the price isn't cheap either."

You shove the last of the crow feathers into their designated drawer while listening. You have never heard of such a potion, but you were also still learning. Asra sounds a little unsure though.

"Price isn't an issue," the man sounds desperate. "I'll pay anything."

Asra sighs, he feels bad for the man wringing his hands before him, practically crying for a cure. "Alright," he finally concedes. "I'll make it, but you'll have to come back in the morning. This kind of thing takes all evening to brew."

Your customer nods vigorously, "I can wait." He says. "Tomorrow morning, yes! I'll be here!" His excitement apparent, he bows a few times while backing out of the door, tripping over his own feet.

The door closes with a sharp bang and the bell rings furiously. Asra blows air out of his mouth so that itf ruffles the curls between his eyes.

"Well," he says after a moment. "A sex performance enhancing potion was not what I was expecting to make today." He rubs his temples, eyes closed and looking thoughtful.

You grin at him from the shelf as you pick up the empty shipping box and rest it on your hip. "That's quite the name, I've never heard of a potion like that."

Asra laughs and opens his beautiful eyes to look at you. "Yes, you'll have to forgive me for not teaching you that kind of magic, it's not the.. safest." He ends uncertainly. "I don't even know how this guy found out about it. It's not talked about much amongst us magicians.. and it's certainly not a common one."

Immediately more questions than your mouth can keep up with flood your brain. "So how did you find out about it? And why isn't it safe?" You ask the two more important ones, eyes following Asra as he finds a piece of paper and quill to use.

He dips his quill in the register's ink well and starts scratching down what you presumed to be ingredients. "I've been studying magic for years, my love." He says simply, "and before you ask, no I haven't used it on myself." He looks up at you, mischief dancing in his pretty eyes. "I'd like to think my sex game is up to par." He adds innocently, licking his lips seductively when your ears tinge pink.

You brush imaginary dirt off your shirt sleeves and huff. "I suppose it's pretty good." You mumble. It almost feels like a lie to just describe it as "pretty good" but Asra doesn't need you to stroke his ego right now. You do that enough falling to pieces beneath him every night.

Asra is well aware of your attempt to keep him humble and laughs lightly. "And to answer your other question," he says, turning back to his ingredient list, "messing with ones body like this can be dangerous. You have to be very precise."

You nod as he explains, it makes sense.

Potions are always brewed in pots over a magic fire so you put yourself to work, removing a medium sized iron pot from a hook on the wall and carrying it to a fire stand. Asra is busy himself, opening various drawers and adding seemingly random ingredients to a basket he has looped over his arm. Iris petals, newt eyeball, and some shimmering gold flakes. You smile watching him, your gorgeous magician; smart and able.

In no time at all Asra has a bubbling pot of sweet smelling liquid stirring before him. You stand beside him, observing curiously.

"Why are you wearing gloves?" You ask, taking note of the large leather gloves that clad all the way up your lover's forearm.

Asra continues to stir and looks over at you, happy to hear your eagerness to learn. "I can't risk even a drop of this touching my skin. It's so strong, and will immediately absorb into anyone's skin, leaving them..." He shakes his head and trails off, amused. "That's why it has to brew so long, to burn off some of the potency."

Your mouth opens in amazement, taken aback by the idea. This is the real deal you decide, stepping back a couple inches in precaution. After watching the potion bubble for a couple more minutes you stretch and grab the watering can sitting by the floor of the door.

"I'm going to water the plants," you inform Asra, waving your hand briefly until the can is full of cool, crisp water. Gods knows there are at least three dozen inside and outside of the shop.

Asra is humming in confirmation that he heard you as you open the shop door to the plants hanging outside. You don't get very far before you're blindsided by a streak of purple darting through your legs.

Escape!

"Faust?!" You yelp, dancing around the squirming snake as she winds her way under and into the open shop. A loud, booming bark makes you jump again. This time a large hound dog is rounding the tight corner from the side street and barreling full speed towards you.

All hell breaks loose. The water can is up in the air, crashing wildly into the side of the building. You are thrown back onto the dusty floor and a mass of fur and teeth race past you, paying no mind to your yelling.

Help!

Faust is racing around the floor, narrowly avoiding the jaws of the angry dog she seemed to have aggravated. There's a large crash from inside and you cringe, hearing bottles break and wood crunch. You look back, scared at what you might find.

The shop is a disaster, papers strewn, vials broken, and potion pot toppled. Asra is groaning on the floor, obviously doing no better than the rest. You glance at him worriedly, taking quick notice of the potion he had been making spilled everywhere, even on him.

You snap your fingers and the dog's growl, who was cornering Faust by the bookshelf, turns into a whimper as you lift him up with your magic. "I'm sorry pooch," you sigh, "but we can't have you eating our friend." With a wave of your wrist the hound is out the door and down the street in an instant. The hinges creak and bell rings as the door is once again closed to outside.

Thank you!

Faust wriggles happily, red eyes glowing in relief. You guess she got up to some trouble with the local fauna. She slithers up the stairs quickly, leaving you to look around at the ruined shop.

"Ah, fuck," Asra's words cut through your thoughts like a knife. He's laying flat on the floor, chest heaving as though he just ran a marathon. Sweat glistens on his tan skin, covering him from head to toe.

You step over the broken bottles and kneel at his side. "My love?" You ask, unsure of what to do. It was obvious what had happened, it didn't take an expert. The potion that was supposed to be for your customer was now soaked into Asra's glowing skin.

Asra opens his eyes and you swallow hard. You know that look, and it nearly makes you start trembling where you sit. Lust is prevalent, clouding Asra's eyes until they're a dark amethyst color.

"You-" you start to speak but are cut off by Asra sitting up abruptly. His face is close to yours and his breath washes over your lips, hot and wanton. He looks positively desperate, just the sight of you sitting before him doing wonders.

"Please," Asra's voice comes out low and husky, he watches your chest rise and fall quickly as a result. "Can I please have you, right now."

You could almost call him asking like that soft and innocent, if it wasn't for the raw, hungry look he was giving you. His eyes were traveling everywhere across your body, leaving an invisible line that you could almost feel burning into your skin. Your lips parted and you let out a soft gasp, the power that kind of look had over you was astonishing. You shifted your legs under you subtly, feeling the result of the hot atmosphere low in your stomach.

"Tsk, tsk," you had to tease for a moment. "Closing the shop at midday for some fucking?" You reach up and cup Asra's cheek, feigning uncertainty. His skin on your fingertips burns white hot and you have to hide your amazement.

Asra's eyes narrow, he knew you too well. With a quick flick of his wrist you hear the deadbolt on the door slide into place. It's only a second later and both of his hands have found a place on either side of your hips.

"Why do you torment me?" he asks, pulling you close so your legs straddle him. "Can't you see I'm getting enough of that from this damn mistake of a potion?" His words are almost shaky, as though he can barely speak anymore. He presses his hips up to meet yours, and a soft sigh escapes his lips as he finally gets a little friction.

You dig your nails into his shoulders and gasp, the feeling of Asra so obviously in need is enough to make anyone go wild.

You can't resist grinding down lightly and Asra's eyes practically roll back at the sensation. "How can I say no to such a pretty face," you whisper, completely in love with his reaction.

That was enough for Asra and without added words he gathers you up in his strong arms and lifts you both. Your head falls back pleasurably when his lips find your neck. It only takes a few quick steps on his part to bring the two of you into the plush back room.

The purple cushions lining the cozy futon sink in gently as your back hits the mattress. The room has a slight pleasing haze as sandalwood incense burns at the table. The smell washes over your senses and a new wave of sensuality comes over the room.

Asra's hands hold you firmly as his lips continue to press lovingly into your skin. He hovers over you, one leg pressed between your legs, causing your hips to involuntarily move along his thigh.

"I need you out of these clothes," Asra groans, lips being stopped at your chest where your shirt has suddenly become a hindrance. He's already tugging at the hem, untucking the loose fabric from your waistband. You raise yourself to your elbows and help him pull the shirt over your head. At once it is thrown over Asra's shoulder and his eyes are set on your bare skin, drinking in the sight of his lover.

You smile at his admiration and lay back again, stretching your arms above your head and arching your back. You feel his hands on your stomach, traveling up to rest on your breasts. Your skin prickles with desire, flesh lighting on fire from his ministrations.

"How did I get so lucky," he breathes out, looking down at you with a look filled with love and passion. He rests the tips of his fingers on your nipples and swirls them lightly, leaving you to twist in torturous pleasure beneath his touch. "Everything about you is beautiful." Asra continues to flatter, lowering his head so his curls tickle your stomach. He licks a long line from the dip of your hip up to the valley between your breasts.

After a few moments of tasting your supple skin he moves his hands to the top of your skirt and tugs. You lift your hips in compliance and the fabric slides down your legs easily. Asra licks his lips as your body is finally fully presented to him.

"I could feast on you," he announces, voice lowered with need. "And I wouldn't go hungry in a lifetime." These words he whispers into your inner thigh, they tickle your skin softly.

You watch with bated breath as the man before you adores his lover. It's hard to keep your moans controlled as you feel his sinfully good tongue lick you in a way that can only be described as ecstasy.

Asra shifts into a more comfortable position, lying on his stomach and he brings your legs to lay comfortably over his shoulders. You shudder as you feel his hot breath flutter over your dripping slit. He doesn't waste anymore time and lowers his face to enjoy you.

Your thighs squeeze his head lightly as your body arches in response. Asra is devouring you as though you were a feast and it was the only meal he is to have in a lifetime. He grips your legs tightly to keep you from moving and covers your slit with his mouth, sucking for a moment on the tight nub at the top. He groans happily into your skin before moving down to lick your hole.

"Oh please, yes," you run your trembling hand through his hair and raise your hips up to meet his greedy mouth. He laps short, quick strokes first, stimulating you into madness.

After a moment he slows his tongue down to swirl languidly, looking up at you. You make eye contact and groan at the erotic scene of him eating you out. "That mouth of yours is too skilled for its own good," you whisper, fingers digging into his scalp, trying desperately to savor every swipe of his tongue.

Asra smiles against your folds. "I live to make you feel good, my dear." He says, pausing a moment. "You intoxicate me. Your smell, your taste. I couldn't get enough even if I had all the time in the world." He presses his lips on each one of your thighs with hot, open mouth kisses.

You blush at his words, feeling amazing under his praise. "Come here," you command softly, pulling on Asra's hair lightly to guide him back up your body. He kisses every inch of skin he passes before finally reaching your lips.

"Mm," he hums, taking your face in his hands. "But these lips, are like the finest honey in Vesuvia." He lifts your head so your mouths meet. It's a hot and feverish kiss, full of staggering amounts of love.

You press your body into his and relish in the feeling of kissing Asra. Your mouths are opened to one another and your tongues meet in fiery unison. While you enjoy the kiss you allow your hands to roam. Your fingers find his shirt buttons and you start to undo them as best you can, only a little distracted. It takes just a minute and you sigh happily into his mouth when you finally remove the annoying clothing.

You part a moment to admire the divinity of his body; prostrated before you. He was calling himself the lucky one, but you could probably make a pretty good argument for it being the other way around. He looked absolutely glorious in the hazy glow of the room.

As you reach for the waistband of his pants and rest your fingers playfully on the skin above it Asra breaks out in goosebumps at the fluttering feel of your touch.

"Ah," he breaths out, raising himself to his knees and closing his eyes. Clearly, he's enjoying the attention finally being on him.

"You are the one with the potion affecting them." You say, drawing a line from one hip to another. "It'd almost be criminal to ignore you for any longer." Your eyes fall to the bulge straining under Asra's pants, just begging to be free. A smile plays across your lips as his breaths quickens significantly.

"I.. wouldn't complain." He finally manages to say in a strained tone.

You smile, maybe a little too satisfied, and hook your fingers under the band. "I know." You chuckle, pulling. The trousers catch a moment on Asra's hardened length before slipping down to his knees. You take time to admire the sight before you, licking your lips. Asra is panting slightly, looking down at you lustfully as your eyes graze over him.

He grabs your head on either side and looks into your eyes. "Please," is all he can croak out.

You swallow thickly and you feel yourself dampen even more at his begging words. “I’d like nothing more" you say; need dripping heavily from your words. You lean forward and kiss the tip of his leaking slit lightly. Asra's body shivers with pleasure when your soft lips meet his aching shaft.

You take a breath before closing your mouth around his tip. Your cheeks hollow and you suck in deeply, enjoying the small sounds of pleasure emitting from Asra's lips. He groans even deeper as you finally swallow down his whole length, tip sliding down the back of your throat.

"Ah fuck, baby," he stutters through gritted teeth, fingers threading through your hair. He thrusts into your mouth without hesitation, reveling in the way you feel around him. The pace is fast and vicious, leaving no time for extra room for breathing.

You choke back your gasps and feel the involuntary tears prick at the corners or your eyes. Your hands fall to your sides as you let Asra use your mouth how he pleased. Licentious noises ring around the room as he sinks his member into your mouth relentlessly, moaning at each stroke and the salacious feelings that come over him.

His grip tightens in your hair as he pounds into your face. You open your mouth as widely as you can and take him in, ignoring the slight pain of labored breathing. The feeling of being used so mercilessly is intoxicating, and you close your eyes, enjoying the pleasure that overtakes you.

With a loud pop he pulls out of your drooling mouth, leaving you to be the one groaning in disappointment.

"I'm sorry love," he huffs dazedly, need heavy on his features. "But if I don't stop this now I'm cumming in your mouth."

"That doesn't sound so bad," you complain, sticking your tongue out so Asra can view how much you want it. His eyes darken considerably and he looks ready to break.

He takes a breath in sharply, steadying himself before holding your face gently in his hand. "As much as I want you fuck your face, that pussy of yours I know is dripping for me and I have to comply." He chuckles, running his thumb along your lip.

You whimper at his words, practically climaxing at the suggestion. You meet his eyes in a needy manner and nod. "Oh, Asra," you start, already seeing excitement flit across his face at the mention of his name. "I want you more than I can even describe to you."

To this Asra inhales sharply, thumb still hooked in your mouth. "Tell me how you want me," he says, barely able to contain his own desire.

"I want you to fuck me from behind," you begin, knowing exactly how to please his ears. "I'm going to cry and moan, and beg you for relief but you will know better." His eyes widen in ecstasy but you continue anyway. "I want you to give everything you can to me, without holding back."

Asra seems to snap right in front of you. His features immediately seem to plead for consolation. "You'll get what you ask for." He growls, fingers tightening in your mouth. You lick his thumb seductively and the action throws him over the edge.

Asra's hands fly to your waist and hold you firmly, you're flipped over; ass to the heavens greeting him. He swallows at the sight and digs both palms into the flesh, enjoying the feeling immensely. "So needy and ready for me," he groans, finger finding your entrance and slipping in easily. You gulp at the warmth of having fingers enter you. Asra is unrelenting and curls them cruelly against your walls.

"Just fuck me already!" You cry, unable to hide your desires anymore. You hear Asra laugh behind you, yet despite this you know he is dying to sink himself into you.

"Alright, alright." He concedes, taking your hips in his hands. "If you insist."

You feel his tip slide against your slit and shudder, craving the feeling of him inside you. It doesn't take more than a moment before you feel him start to enter you. You lay your head down, turning your face so you can watch Asra take you from behind.

His lips are parted in a silent moan as he relishes in the feeling of your walls around him. You sigh softly as he fully sheaths himself in you, a small tremor passing over your body from the pleasure. One moment, two moments pass as you both bask in the feeling of being connected.

"Give me your hands," he commands, slowly sliding in and out of you, giving no care to his agonizingly slow pace. Soft gasps are falling from your lips as you try to register his request.

Carefully, you cross your arms behind your back. It's no use to keep the blush at bay as you take in the dirty scene. Your face is pressed to the pillows, unable to move much as Asra takes your wrists and pins them to your back. Your ass is raised in the air to meet his rhythmic thrusting.

Asra grips one of your thighs with a free hand and quickens the pace a little. Your eyes shut tightly as your body responds. You can feel his tip hit deep inside of you with each snap of his hips. It's unrelenting and you have to catch yourself from begging for more.

You feel the fingers around your wrist tighten a bit as Asra's breathing speeds up behind you. You know that he's set on giving you as much painfully slow torture as he can manage himself, but you also know that potion is working against him. There's nothing he wants more than to let go and pound you into the mattress.

"Baby," you choke out, words bouncing along with your bodies. "I know you want to fuck me so good right now." Your voice is deep with seduction. "Please just fill me up like I know you want to." You finish your plea, watching his face with satisfaction. His eyes are darkened with desire. He takes just a few more strokes before slowly to a stop inside you.

"You asked for it," he warns. He only takes a moment to let go of your wrists and flips your body so you're facing him. He cages you in on either side and licks his lips as he stares into your eyes. His hungry mouth meets yours in a kiss full of fire. You can melt into it for only a second before you feel him grab your hips and pull you flush against him; Your cries drowned by his lips as he sets an erratic pace, skin meeting with loud slaps.

"Fucking hell," he groans, still kissing you between words. "You feel like heaven on earth. You're so hot, and I can feel your insides squeezing me." He explains, hot breath falling over your face. Your cheeks burn at his descriptions.

You loop your arms around his neck and press your chest into his. Your skin meets, shining with sweat and burning from love. Asra presses back, savoring the feeling of your nipples brushing against his.

You start to feel that familiar blossom of unreleased pleasure pool in your lower stomach. Asra's shaft is hitting you just right, sending jolts of satisfaction right to your core.

"Oh-" you stop and whine pleasantly when he shifts angles. "Fuck. Please yes, don't stop!" Your arms drop and nails dip into his biceps and you grit your teeth from the hot delight searing through your body.

"I couldn't even If i wanted to," Asra answers, words strained as his grasp on himself starts to crumble. His breath is leaving his lips in short pants now and you can almost see the resolve to hold on slip away before your eyes.

He falls into you, wrapping his arms tightly around your waist and thrusts into you with all of the strength he can muster. You bury your face in his neck and take hold of his hair. You can feel Asra's body shuddering to not let go.

You bring your lips to his ear and bite his lobe. "Won't you come for me sweetheart? Please empty yourself in me." You whisper.

Asra takes in a sharp breath and you hear him choke at your words. They were enough to push him over the edge and he rams into you with a low, strangled cry.

Your head falls back and your mouth opens in a silent scream as Asra lets himself go in you. Your legs shake violently of their own accord as you feel your orgasm wash over you, leaving your body in euphoric fire.

Asra's lips immediately find yours as you ride out your orgasms together. You kiss him passionately, all of your senses in overdrive. His kisses are soft, and sweet, a clear declaration of his love. Happiness rushes in like a flood as you enjoy the afterglow. After a minute Asra removes himself from you and joins you in laying down, sides still heaving from the activities.

"My dear, how I love you." He says with a smile, running his fingers in slow, soft circles on your stomach.

You turn on your side and look into his eyes. He looked content, and his cheeks were dimpled from his growing grin.

"I love you too," you return, hand falling into his. His skin was still warm. The two of you lay there for a while, out of breath and simply enjoying the presence of one another.

Eventually, Asra sits up and looks down at you with humor in his eyes. "Well, I think I can tell our buyer that we did an extensive review of his product and it does, in fact, work."

Your face breaks into a smile and you laugh at Asra's words. "Oh goodie, I'm sure he'll be thrilled to hear all about it."

[dear-ao3]

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks!

Youguys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey

sticks,dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All

right,here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no!

You'redating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be

lunch formy iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former

queenshere in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see

how,by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but

thereare other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your

smokinggun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It's notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I'll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It's the last chance I'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out

likethis. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I'm the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I'm getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic... ...without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there's no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I'm in a real situation. - What'd you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don't freak out! My entire species... What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! - Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who's that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory... That's Barry! ...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But

isn'the your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense." - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we're not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don't have to yell. I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble. It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It's not a tone. I'm panicking! I can't do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it's my turn. How is the plane flying? I don't know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can't see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something. - What? - I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I'm aiming at the flower! That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This's the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we're not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We're bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. Yeah! I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That's our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight! Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who's next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see

anickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who's next? All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Oan we stop here? I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that.

- bee movie anon

[keysmashingfantasies]

Bloody Comfort

pre borderlands!Niragi x fem!reader / Niragi x fem!reader

A/N:  i feel like i only post Marvel on this blog and i missed my show so here it is, finally an AiB fic! :D also, minigame: how many alice in wonderland references can you spot? also also, bloody comfort is an awesome name for a band and if you do name your band that, i want my money. enjoy the fic! also also also i didn’t proofread SHIT so sorry for any grammar mistakes.

trigger warning: bullying, mentions of violence (nothing too graphic, i think but beware nonetheless), death (graphic. i mean, i’m not that good of a writer but still, beware), very slight mentions of nsfw, especially torwards the end, niragi (HE’S A WARNING OK), niragi having disturbing thoughts (what else is new. but fr, ok), sliiiiiight yandere niragi torwards the end. (also I tried not to describe in too much detail the bullying that niragi and the reader suffer in the fic so it wouldn’t be too sad). 

@dreamingofanisland here it is bestie! 

Niragi couldn’t pinpoint when he stopped being sad and when he started getting angry. From a suffocating hopelessness came a desperation he could only describe as feral. He often fantasized about just jumping over his desk and strangling each one of them to death but his thoughts quickly ended with Niragi envisioning himself being overpowered and beaten. He started to not only get angry at his bullies, but people in general. Things. Life.

How could so many people turn a blind eye? How could life be so unfair to give people like this the upperhand and not him? Not him that clearly deserved it? This world was backwards.

-

He knew he was fucked when he saw the bat, and although he braced for the impact he couldn’t help but fall to his knees and wince at the sickening sound that the baseball did in contact with his nose.

He just sat there and while all he wanted to do was to rip their throats with his teeth all he did was to endure a few more punches before they left with a promise that there would be more. He sat there trying not to cry with sheer frustration. His papers were scattered around, the left arm of his glasses was broken and his pristine black outfit was now covered in dust from the gravel, his hands scratched. He could taste blood on his tongue and he felt a sick satisfaction, pretending for one moment that it was another person’s blood he was tasting.

“Do you need help?”, a voice woke him from his violent daydreams. Suddenly everything boiled over and he felt an overwhelming anger rise inside of him. In a blink of an eye he was standing up, yelling at a somewhat blurry image of a girl who he towered over, even more as she shrunk under his anger. If he wouldn’t be so busy screaming profanities, he would be madly aroused.

“WHAT, HUH? CAME TO SEE THE SHOW? TO LAUGH AT ME?”, he was furious, and as he approached her, she proceeded to walk back.

“No. I just wanted to help”, she said. It seemed another flash and suddenly he could see a bit clearer. Although startled, she didn’t seem afraid of him, and was extending him a tissue. “Your nose is bleeding”, she said, and Niragi wanted to scoff at her for stating the obvious. But she was being kind. And as angry as he was, kindness wasn’t something that he could say no to. He tried his best to control his shaky hands as he took the tissue from her hands and carefully dabbed his nose, as she ducked to collect his papers, and tuck them back into his bag.

“Saw what they did to you. ‘m sorry”, she mumbled. Niragi wanted to strangle her out of sheer embarrassment.

“And you just took some popcorn and enjoyed the spectacle?”, he spat.

“I wanted to help but I wasn’t sure what to do. Would you rather if I had called someone?”, she asked. He breathed once, twice. She wasn’t mocking him, but was unnervingly calm. Something about her being calm while he was practically foaming at the mouth had him seeing red and suddenly he regret having wiped the blood off of his lips.

“No”, he said, calmly. “No, I wouldn’t. Sorry. I have to go”, he said, ripping his bag from her hands with such force that he tugged her arm with it.

“Wait! I mean what I said! I want to help!”

“You, help me? What are you going to do, huh? Be my bodyguard?”, he mocked her one more time. He couldn’t help himself, his brain got used to this. Fight or flight. His adrenaline was pumping and everytime he was around school grounds he looked over his shoulder.

“Hmmm, sorta? Not exactly but I could show you a place. A safe place”, she said. He just looked at her.

“If we get there and it’s a prank of some sort I’ll let you punch me. Square in the face”, she said.

“Are you insane? You just go around letting people punch you in the face?”, his mouth was quicker than his brains and suddenly he felt his face grow hot at the irony of what he had said. But if she noticed it, she didn’t mention.

“Let me help you”, she said.

And he did.

He followed her through a wooded area near the school grounds after walking through a hole in a fence.

He was getting ready to beat you to the punch and hit you so hard that you’d bleed as hard as he did, until you stopped until you reached a very underwhelming toolshed with a padlock.

“We’re here”, you said, and he realized that she sounded different. All this time she was on edge. ‘Of course, Suguru, you threatened the girl like, 3 times’, said the voice in the back of his head. She pulled a key from her bag and the padlock opened easily and they heavy chains fell to the ground and she pushed open the door, going inside. He hesitantly followed.

The inside is nothing as he thought it would be. For starters, it was surprisingly clean and  it didn’t smell bad. And instead of tools and brooms and leafblowers, it had bean bags, blankets, a table with a radio full of knickknacks in the corner and a chair that had clearly seen better days but looked comfortable none the less. The girl walked to a corner of the room and his eyes followed her as she closed the door, which had small sharpie drawings on it. She reached for a white box and settled it on the floor between the two bean bags, and reached inside a very small thermos to pull out an artificially blue isotonic drink and settled it down too. Then from the plastic bag he previously assumed was trash, she pulled a bag of chips.

She then patted the bean bag next to hers. “Welcome to my clinic”, she said, placing the white box on her lap.

-

After an entire afternoon of bonding over unhealthy food and an impromptu first aid rescue, Niragi learned that her name was Y/N, she was a year below and that this little world she created was her refuge from the girls in her class that picked on her.

“I found this and decided that it would be nice. No one’s using it, it’s far from everything. It’s on the Beheaded Woman’s territory”.

Niragi heard the rumors through his bullies. “One day we’ll drag you to the Beheaded Woman’s woods and fucking kill you”.  After further investigation, he learned that allegedly a girl was dragged through the woods and beheaded with a blunt axe.

“I made the rumors up. I had to make sure no one would find my safe haven”, she explained. “And once you write something in the girls’ bathroom stall, there’s no turning back. It’s out there and it’s truth”, she sighed. “I would know”.

He wasn’t the most up to date in all the gossip but she told him her story. The rumors they spread, the things they did to her. She almost seemed amused. He in turn told her his story. By the end of it, he could kill someone. She then offered him the other key to her safe haven.

“You can decorate it too. Don’t tell anyone else and make sure to lock it after you use it. Use it as much as you want, just make sure they don’t follow you, okay?”

He took the keys with shakey hands, a knot on his throat. Another type of adrenaline was pumping through his veins. When a few moments ago there were a fast white heat, coursing through him like an electric current, this was slow and almost overwhelmingly warm, like molten lava.

“Why are you doing this? Being so nice to me?”, he whispered as if it was a secret, as if this moment was another fantasy, a deer that’s easily spooked. He had fantasized about this too. A safe haven, an ally. A friend.

“Because we’re the same, you and I”.

-

You hated him. You hated him with a burning passion. What was at first an act of pity, born from the empathy you felt by seeing someone go through what you did, quickly became a friendship and like a disease, it spread to beyond your safe haven. You would spend your free time together, walk home together. You became friends. And what did he do? Exactly what he told you he would.

“Sometimes don’t you wish to disappear?”, he whispered to you once.

“Yeah. Like, run away? Yeah, I do”, you replied agreeing with him.

 ‘You’re the only one that understands me. We really are the same’, he would say. What at the beginning of your budding crush on him gave you butterflies on the stomach now made you want to throw up.

You lost your only friend. You despised the sound of music now, because every single song you heard, you shared with him. For the same reason, you didn’t enjoy your favorite movies anymore. Your bullies banded together to target you. And the worst part of all, is that you couldn’t even care. There was no silver lining anymore.

“Don’t you get furious?! Don’t you want to hurt them, make them pay?”, he said as he watched you apply concealer to a bruised cheek.

“I mean, I get angry but I try my best to not let it get to me. It’s what they want. I despise those people, I can’t get in a funk because of them”, you said nonchalantly.

But you had loved him. And now you felt like even moving around was an herculean task, like you were almost dead trying to get to safety. But there was no safety anymore.

Ironically, you started to understand him more and more after he disappeared. The anger, the hatred. How could anyone just follow their lives? When there’s people like you just suffering through yours?

Suguru Niragi was an illness, a parasite. He carved his way under your skin and into your heart, laid eggs of his hate on your veins and sucked you dry of your life’s essence. Then, after you were a shell of a human, he disappeared out of thin air, leaving you alone. Leaving you with those people. Leaving you to die.

And you were still in love with him.

-

You thought you were finally insane when it happened.

The streets were empty. Absolutely no one. You wondered for a moment if you felt so alone that your mind convinced itself that that’s exactly what had happened, if any moment now you would be locked in an insane asylum for running around and screaming until you throat got raw.

It took you two games to understand what was going on. You made sure to change clothes. Running shoes, leggings and a warm hoodie that you never let the hood down. You decided to significantly shorten your hair after you saw a man pull a young girl by the ponytail in a spades game. You loaded a backpack with food and bottles of water, anything you could find. And an axe that you took from an emergency box from the building you slept in.

It was on your 5th game that it happened. You saw people die in these games, but none of it was hands on for you. You just watched your back and hoped to win and let whoever was running this show take care of the rest. Honestly, you didn’t even wait to know if anyone even survived. You were done doing that.

When you got there, there were five people already. They banded together and whispered amongst themselves as you passed them by and grabbed a phone. Probably just a group of friends that got stranded at the same time and decided to stay together. You clutched you axe harder.

You didn’t even realize that you had zoned out until you heard hollering and four guys heavily armed walked you by. Where the fuck did they get guns? One of them let out a boisterous laugh that reminded you of someone that you wanted desperately to forget. You couldn’t even get over him during fucking Saw? That sound made your skin crawl.

Registration closed, said the mechanic voice. Difficulty: 8 of clubs. The first 5 players will be the first team and the last 5 players will be the second. One team must eliminate the others without losing any players. Both teams will be identified by the color of your screen, and will have one minute to hide.

You saw the armed guys’ screens light up red. You sighed in relief as yours did too. You made sure to keep your head down and thank whoever that not killing teammates was a part of the rules. They seemed amused and absolutely calm, and the guy with the rifle laughed again. You were shaking by now.

When the minute started, everyone bolted in different directions. You didn’t even look back to see if your teammates had accompanied you but by the sound of your footsteps crushing leaves, you were alone. You decided to go back after a while, looking around. A lamppost. Huh, lamppost it is. You leaned against the cool metal and focused on the silence. The minute had ended but they were still hunting. You didn’t come across anyone, which was good. After a while, all you could hear were distant gunshots.

You looked to the floor, only to see a shadow approaching you quick. You barely had time to dodge before a man hit you behind the head with a rock. You reacting made him lose his balance, falling to the floor and letting go of the rock. You looked at him. It was one of the boys from the other team. He had on a white button up blouse and a black hoodie. His hair had fallen over his brown eyes and he looked so scared and so alone.

This will have to do.

You didn’t stop, suddenly lifting the axe and bringing it down was like an automatic thing.

“I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU! HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO ME? AFTER ALL I’VE DONE FOR YOU! YOU ABANDONED ME IN A MINUTE, LEFT ME ALONE IN THAT HELL!”

You didn’t stop when he started praying and then screaming. You didn’t stop when he started bleeding profusely or when the strength of your movements made your hood slide down from your head. You didn’t stop when his head got detached from his body and if you weren’t so angry, you would’ve listened tfootsteps. You didn’t stop until you had made mincemeat out of his face. Just for the sheer audacity of reminding you of him.

He looked at you from afar while you looked at the body of the boy whose skull you just had destroyed, a maniac, victorious smile on your face. You were pretending the boy was him. You really thought he had abandoned you? He would be absolutely heartbroken if he wasn’t so aroused. That’s what he always wanted to see, the instincts that you tried to push down. You were right, you were both the same. He wanted to lick that blood off of you, use it as lube to take you right there. When he first arrived at the Borderlands, when he first killed someone and liked it, he thought you would be disgusted by him. But look at you now. You were here, perfect for him, soaked in blood, feral. He’s never been so hard.

“Y/N”, he said.

“Niragi?,” you said. He ran to you, held you even when you fought back, even when you screamed bloody murder that you were going insane, begging to die already, even when you passed out on his arms. He licked a drop of blood from your neck.

“Let me take you to our safe haven”, he whispered against your skin.

[kohanayaki]

.:Time and Time Again:. (Marauders Era x Reader) Ch 4

Snape looks back on your days at Hogwarts, how your friendship came to be, and how it came to end.

LINKS:   CH 1   CH 2    CH 3   CH 4  CH 5   CH 6   CH 7   CH 8

___________________________________________________________

Ch 4  .:Budding Feelings and the Beginning of the End:.

Severus Snape had made a lot of mistakes in his life, and seeing you again after all these years was forcing him to relive every single one of them.

He stared blankly at the wall in front of him, shrouded in the darkness and grim silence of his empty house. He never thought he'd see you again, and certainly not under these circumstances. When he'd laid his eyes on you in the kitchen of 12 Grimmauld place he couldn't believe it. He, much like the rest of the Order (except for Molly, apparently) assumed you wouldn't be at these meetings any longer. After James and Lily were murdered and Sirius was thrown into Azkaban, you'd left London and headed to New York under the Ministry's alliance with MACUSA, hoping to help bridge the gap between muggle-borns and purebloods in America. He knew you had been back to meet Harry a handful of times, but he also knew that being in this city brought up painful memories for you, so he was as stunned as anyone else to see you standing there in the doorway, greeting them as if nothing were out of the ordinary.

He could see that traveling had been good for you. He'd heard through the Hogwarts circuit that you were back on auror duty across the world, taking special assignments from Dumbledore and the Minister for Magic himself. You seemed like you were doing better, but when you turned to smile at him he could see the hesitation and the sadness that brewed behind your eyes, likely his doing.

He desperately wanted things to go back to what they were before—

Before he'd ruined it. . .

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   1974  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Alright students,” Professor Slughorn said as everyone finished filing inside the room, “today we're going to be pairing off into new partners for the upcoming project.”

Groans and nervous chatter flooded the sound space immediately, no one very thrilled with having to work with someone new out of their control. You cast a glance over to Lily who looked equally displeased. You liked being her partner, you both excelled at the subject and worked really well together.

“Yes, yes, I know,” Slughorn said, waving the complaints off, “However, I am going to be giving you the luxury of choosing your own partners this time, but everyone—”

The energy in the room instantly shifted, everyone shoving around people to get to their friends.

“—keep in mind, if I see any slacking off or trouble brewing in these new partnerships I will not hesitate to rearrange them!”

Slughorns's words were completely lost among the commotion as people paired off before you could even get your bearings. Snape stalled as he stared at you from across the room; Lily had already been dragged away by Mary, and his brain was trying to work out how to ask you to be his partner.

Suddenly an arm was slung over your shoulder and you turned towards the new presence in surprise. You looked up to see Evan Rosier, the sleeves of his shirt rolled up to his elbows and his Slytherin tie loose around his neck.

Oh, sod it, Snape cursed internally. He was too late.

“Wanna partner up?” Rosier asked, a crooked grin gracing his chiseled features, “It'd be my honor to have the smartest Potions partner in class, not to mention the most attractive.”

You rolled your eyes at the praise. Evan was your friend, and he was nice to look at, but if he thought that you would be willing to do all the work for the both of you in exchange for some cheap compliments, then he had another thing coming. You locked eyes with Snape from across the room

“It would be your honor,” you smirked up at Rosier, “but I already have a partner, sorry.”

It took Snape a few seconds to realize what you were doing, but once he snapped out of it he made his way towards you. You almost chuckled at how robotic he looked as he did, clearly shocked.

Rosier looked between the two of you and rolled his eyes.

“Suit yourself, sweetheart,” he said, letting you go and pushing you lightly in Snape's direction, “but if you change your mind, you know where to find me.” He sent a wink your way that left Snape's blood inexplicably boiling,

“Thanks for that,” you grinned, “and just so you know, I would have chosen you even if he didn't come up to me, so don't get all pouty about it, okay?”

Severus just looked at you blankly. Even after four years it was frightening how well you were able to read him; for a moment he was scared that he'd accidentally projected his thoughts to you, but he wasn't anywhere near that level of legillemency yet. He wanted to say something that had some semblance of gratitude but settled on:

“Whatever.”

To which you just laughed and dragged him to your now shared desk.

You really were something else.

“Now then,” Professor Slughorn addressed the room, “today we will be beginning the new unit on toxic concoctions, starting with the Draught of Living Death. If you would all turn to page ten of your books, we will get started presently.”

You turned open your book and Severus did the same. As he did, you noticed that nearly every page was covered in small notes littering the margins, with some of the instructions circled, crossed out, or modified. You were hardly surprised, Snape had been pouring over this book since last year when he'd stolen it from a fifth year Slytherin who'd been speaking poorly of you (that last part you were unaware of).

You turned your attention to the directions, reaching over to preheat the burner so your cauldron would be hot enough by the time you began. However, as soon as you lit the flame with the tip of your wand, your cauldron shot up into the air, hitting the ceiling with a loud BANG! before crashing down back onto your table, breaking several of the glass instruments that were settled there.

Your face burned embarrassment as everyone in the room turned to look at you in shock.

“Snape, (L/n),” Slughorn said, surprised, “whatever happened?”

“I. . .” you began, not knowing what to say, “I don't know, I'm sorry, Professor.”

“Quite all right,” he said uncertainly, restoring your table and equipment with a wave of his wand, “just be sure whatever that was doesn't happen again.”

“Of course,” you mumbled, trying to ignore the snickering around you. If you noticed the way that it stopped as soon as Snape sent a deathly glare at the culprits, you didn't show it. You reached down to grab your cauldron, noticing that the bottom was dusted in some sort of orange powder. As you turned it over, a note fell out of it.

You're welcome, (L/n). Sorry I couldn't be there for the fireworks~

J.P.

“That sneaky little, ugh,” you crumpled the note, growling in frustration.

“What is it?” Severus asked, peering over your shoulder to glance at the paper. However, as soon as you tried to show it to him it vanished in your hands in a wisp of glowing embers. You turned to look at Severus who was still staring at you expectantly.

“It was Potter,” you rolled your eyes.

Anger flashed in Severus' eyes before confusion replaced it momentarily.

“But that was your cauldron, not mine. Why would Potter want to mess with you?”

And now the anger was back again. Snape was used to Potter’s crew targeting him; bullying and suffering through minor hexes had become an everyday occurrence, but when he imagined them doing anything to you it was enough to make him see red.

“Ah, well. . .” you trailed off, deciding that telling him you'd yelled at the group of Gryffindors: 'if you jerks want to have a go at Severus you're gonna have to get through me first!' was a bad idea.

“I sort of, maybe, kind of. . . started it?” you said. Severus raised a brow at you. “Look, Potter was asking for it, okay? It was about time someone messed with him for a change. And besides, it was hilarious, even Lily got a kick out of watching that broom hit him in the head.”

Severus chuckled at that, a hint of pride welling in his chest at yours and Lily's shared distaste for the Potter boy.

“But that was the last straw,” you declared, grabbing a Sopophorus bean from the bowl in front of you and a knife to cut it as per the instructions, “I'm sick and tired of him acting like he's better than everyone else,” you said, stabbing down with your knife for emphasis. The Sopophorus bean jumped as you did, sliding out from under your blade and skidding across your cutting board. You huffed as you grabbed it again, placing it back down and holding it in place. “And he walks around with that little posse of his like he runs this school!” You brought your knife down again, moving your fingers at the last second, but the bean still managed to slip away, trying to bounce back into the bowl.

“This means war!” you seethed, grabbing the runaway legume again, now at your wit's end, and crushing it in your fist. It stopped jumping as the beet-red juice of the plant dripped down your arm, and Severus looked at you with a small smirk on his face.

“Well, that's one way to do it,” he said.

“Shove off,” you said playfully, throwing the bean in his direction. He dodged it easily, his smile growing.

“No, really,” he said, almost more to himself than you as he scribbled out the word 'cut' and replaced it with 'crush' in his notebook, “you might be better at this than you let on.”

You blushed at the unexpected compliment, backhanded as it was.

“Excuse you, I happen to be fantastic at Potions,” you said, grabbing another bean and avoiding his gaze.

“Right, that's why your cauldron exploded.”

“That was sabotage,” you shot back.

“I was talking about last week,” Severus said cheekily, taking in your flustered expression.

You both went back to your ingredients, eventually discovering that crushing the beans with the flat of a knife was the best way to extract the juice without them jumping. You watched Severus out of the corner of your eye as he measured out the African Sea water, adding it gradually as he stirred the mixture counter-clockwise. The elixir turned a bright blue color, shimmering as if light were being reflected off of it. He continued on with the formula, snapping off a few fluxweed sprigs before adding them and lowering the heat with his wand, hardly looking at the instructions at all.

You wondered where this newfound confidence had come from. Severus was usually so rigid and withdrawn, but right now he looked more at ease than you had ever seen him. A spark was present in his eyes as he worked that you rarely ever saw, and it made you smile despite yourself.

The rest of your potion making process went on without a hitch, and you silently applauded yourself as you watched the other students around you struggle to get their concoctions together. Even Lily seemed to be having trouble, though Mary wasn't really helping other than offering moral support.

You turned back to focus on your own potion, stirring it with the ladle and mesmerized by the way it began to turn a deep plum color. Meanwhile, Severus was cleaning up your shared station, looking over at the brew. His brows furrowed as he examined it.

“Just stir it a bit more,” he said, coming up behind you and placing his hand on top of yours, “the color is still off.”

Your face burned at the unexpected contact; Snape certainly wasn't a touchy person, so the act caught you completely off guard, though you'd be lying if you said you didn't like it. Severus nearly jumped backwards, absolutely mortified when he realized what he was doing. It was him micromanaging more than anything; he was so focused on getting the potion right he didn't even notice he was moving his own body as he gave you the instruction.

“Sorry,” he said, feeling quite possibly the lamest he'd ever felt in his life.

“It's okay,” you said, biting the inside of your lip nervously and continuing to stir like he said. Your light response allowed Snape to relax, his shoulders lowering a full three inches. He'd been certain you would have reacted to his mistake with disgust or repulsion, but you didn't. What did that mean? You were utterly confusing. Despite how well you could read him, Severus was unable to get a read on you at all. If he had been, he would have noticed the tiny smile on your face as you stirred, silently wishing his hand were back on yours.

You and Snape stood at attention as Slughorn peered down at your potion, looking mildly impressed. He reached into his robes, procuring an oak leaf from who knows where, and dropped it into your cauldron. The leaf floated on top of the liquid for just a moment before its edges began to burn. It furled from the unseen heat, folding in on itself and disappearing into the inky depths of the liquid. Slughorn's expression lit up, his impression no longer mild.

“Merlin's beard, it's perfect!” he exclaimed, “in all my years I've never seen a pair recreate this potion exactly as you two have done today.”

You beamed at the praise, your smile only widening as you saw your emotions mirrored in Severus' face, albeit more subtly.

Over the course of your fourth year, you and Snape continued to excel in Potions, receiving much praise from Professor Slughorn and a lot of glares from your fellow students. However, there was something else that continued that year, and that was your increasing interactions with James Potter.

“I just don't get why you even bother with him,” Snape had said to you one day while you were in Potions. Your prank war with James was at its peak, and you were sidetracked that day in class coming up with new ideas to get back at him.

“It's a full on battle now, Sev,” you said, “I can't back down! Now, for my next one I was thinking something along the lines of a callback to one of his earlier stunts. Maybe get him back for tampering with my cauldron at the beginning the year.”

“(Y/n)—”

“I've got a few friends in Gryffindor, and apparently he talks about his prank plans way too loudly in the common room, so I have a head start on this one. They mentioned something about my shampoo—“

“(Y/n),” Severus stressed, finally catching your attention. You looked up at him, embarrassed at you rambling. “Why do you keep doing this?” he asked, “he's just baiting you. You know that.”

“It keeps them from doing anything that targets you, right?” you questioned back.

Severus didn't know what to say at that. It was true, ever since you had declared war on James, he and his stupid friends hadn't really bothered with him at all. Were you doing this for him? He didn't know what to do with the thought.

You were, of course, but you thought it better not to mention that in the last few months this had been going on, you'd also begun to find the rivalry and banter between you and James fun.

“Gather 'round students, gather 'round!” Slughorn beckoned the class over, disrupting your train of thought and putting an end to your conversation, “now, would anyone like to identify the potion in this cauldron here?” He gestured to a shockingly pink liquid that seemed to swirl on its own. Plum and periwinkle smoke wafted through the air above it in delicate spirals.

“That's Amortentia,” Lily said, “it's a love potion that's supposed to smell different to everyone depending on what scents attract them.”

“Right you are, Miss Evans,” Slughorn said proudly, “would you like to tell us what you smell?”

“Cinnamon,” she started slowly, “warm spices, butterbeer, sandalwood. . .” her cheeks reddened significantly, as if she'd made some sort of realization. “Th-that's all.” You stared at her quizzically but she just shook her head. You'd have to ask her about this later. . .

“(L/n),” Slughorn said, “would you be so kind as to do the same?”

“Sure,” you said, stepping up to the cauldron. It was captivating, almost drawing you in physically. “Wild lavender,” you said, smiling, your mother had a garden full of them when you were growing up, “rain when it hits the pavement, and old leather books.” Scents you wouldn't realize until much later all correlated with a certain person.

“Very different scents for very different people,” Professor Slughorn said, “thank you for demonstrating, you two. Now, we will not be brewing this potion today for obvious reasons. It is incredibly dangerous, capable of creating not true love, but unhinged obsession. What we will be doing, however, is studying its effects. . .”

“Strongest love potion in the world, huh?” Evan suddenly appeared at your side, “funny, I could have sworn it smelled just like you, although you wouldn't need a potion to reign me in~”

“Put a sock in it, Rosier,” you said, shoving him away playfully.

“Aw, come on, just one date wouldn't hurt,” he said, “I'm pulling out all my best lines here!”

“That's the best you've got?”

“Ouch.”

Snape couldn't help but glare at the Slytherin boy, not liking how close he was to you. Nice as he seemed, Snape knew how he could really be. He didn't think you'd be such good friends with Rosier if you knew he was knee deep in the dark arts as soon as the sun set on the castle. Then again, Severus wasn't one to talk.

Over the course of the year he noticed that you only grew closer to James, something that bothered him immensely. He was grateful that you had gotten his bullying to stop, but he hated that the way you had gone about it was to turn Potter into a friend. . .

“Merlin, he keeps looking over at you, Lils,” you said.

Lily and Severus looked over to where James sat with Sirius, Remus, and Peter in their corner table as usual. Somehow they always managed to be at The Three Broomsticks at the exact same time as your trio, almost as if they knew you were there. James Potter was, in fact, looking towards your table, until your friends not-so-discreetly turned to look at him and he diverted his gaze elsewhere.

“Idiot,” you rolled your eyes as you took another sip of your butterbeer.

Lily looked between you and James' table for a moment before turning back to you.

“Actually, (Y/n), he's staring at you.”

You looked at her like she'd grown a second head but then began to laugh.

“Is he? Jeeze, what a creep,” you said, but with affection in your voice that wasn't missed by Severus, “it's probably because I saved his ass the other day and he's still reeling from it.”

“Oh,” she said, a hint of what you swore was relief in her tone until she realized what you said, “Wait, you what?”

“Sirius and I were talking in the forest and we got ambushed by Malfoy's motley crew,” you said, “and Potter showed up because of course he did. It was just a little duel, no big deal.”

“What?!” Lily said, concern written all over her face, “they fancy the dark arts, (Y/n), you could have been hurt!”

Severus stared into his drink, unable to look at either of you.

“I'm fine, Lils,” you insisted, “and trust me, I don't think Malfoy's going to be bothering anyone anymore. Just show him a picture of a squid and he'll probably screech like a banshee.”

Lily laughed along with you, partially in confusion, until the first part of your statement hit her with a slight delay.

“Hold on, you were in the forest with Black? And did you just call him Sirius?” she asked, her teasing making your face flush.

“We just. . . figured some stuff out. . . It was nothing like what you're thinking, so drop it,” you grumbled, taking another drink to hide your embarrassed face.

“Whatever you say, (Y/n),” Lily sang, taking a sip of her own drink.

Severus felt jealousy bubble up in him like a disease. He cast his gaze upwards, his eyes locking momentarily with James'. His arch rival rose a cocky brow at him, his gaze unmistakably shifting to you and Lily before staring Snape down again. Severus took a sharp breath to steel himself, that feeling in the pit of his stomach never really going away.

That was the beginning of the end.

Read chapter 5 here!

Taglist:  @sleep-i-ness, @blackpinkdolan, @parker-natasha, @ornella0910 @undertaker1827 @thatwierdo-koemi @nxstalgicnxbxdy

[shysneeze]

post-training cuddles (oliver wood x f!reader)

Description: After a rainy evenings training, Oliver returns to find a bit of peace with reader 

Warnings: I literally think this is pure fluff but if you find any please let me know and I’ll add them! not very edited, but its self-indulgent af so hwg.

based off a ship I made like an hour ago, my brain literally went ‘you wanna see some real speed shit?’ lmao

.

Its the rest of the team that come streaming in first, the girls, still kitted out and soaked by rain, with faces twisted into scowls that just from looking at them, (Y/N) knows must be warranted. Then, the twins, whispering harshly to one another about ‘turning his stupid hair green’, followed by Harry, eyes half-lidded and taking long, drifting steps towards the dormitory stairs.

(Y/N) winces at the look of them all, placing her book down on her lap and waiting expectantly for Oliver, the undoubtable source of the rest of the teams bad mood.

She hears him sigh before she sees him, an exhausted sound that fills every inch of silence in the room. He appears much like the others, posture sunk tiredly, dirt smeared cheeks and rain-soaked hair. She offers him a sympathetic smile.

“Practice looks like it went well.”

He pauses, blinking in long slow blinks, mouth falling open in surprise at finding her waiting. The common room is unnaturally quiet, with only a few first years tucked in the furthest corners. Then he’s letting out a long breath and starting towards her.

“I’m knackered, Love.”

She chuckles as he drops onto the couch beside her, starting upright before slowly falling to lay his head haphazardly across her lap. Her fingers find his wet hair, tutting softly and pulling her wand out to dry it with a charm.

“From the look on everyone else faces, you all are.”

He lets out a soft groaning sound, twisting briefly to look up at her sheepishly.

“How mad are they?”

“I wouldn’t use your own shampoo for a few days.” She replies, causing another frustrated sigh. “You worked them too hard today...”

“We’re so close to winning.” He insists, sitting upright with a determined look on his face, “We can’t risk falling behind or-”

“You’re going to exhaust yourself then you’ve no chance of winning the cup anyway.” She returns sternly, “And a big chance of being knocked off your broom by your own teammates.”

He sulks for a moment, shoulders dropped and lips sloped into a subtle sort of scowl. Then, after a second of contemplation, he’s expelling an accepting sigh from his lungs and nodding.

“You’re right, Love.” He sighs, running his fingers through his hair, “I just...”

“You’re passionate,” She smiles, “It’s a good thing most of the time but not on a Friday night, when its pouring out and almost everyone would rather be at the Hufflepuff party down stairs.”

“Party?” His brows scrunching into a confused frown, then, realisation flickering across his face, “Oh, now that you mention it... How come you aren’t down there?”

“Well,” (Y/N) starts, glancing to the window where the rain clicks against the panes, creating a soft sort of racket, “I figured you’d come back all soggy and tired... thought I might be able to help.”

His chapped, wind-burnt lips twitch into a grin, and he drops his head this time against her shoulder, leaning in for only a second to kiss her cheek chastely. She rolls her eyes, own lips pulling into a smile.

“Don’t get too smug.”

“Too late.”

“Hmm.” She hums, “At least take your shoes off before you get too cozy, and your jumper, it’s soaking.”

He sighs in agreement, sitting up to pull it over his head and dropping it. It hits the ground with an unsatisfying squelch that causes each of their noises to scrunch in disgust. He kicks his shoes off haphazardly too, then settles himself by her side.

“You smell all fresh-airy,” She muses as he slots his face into the crook of her neck and heaves out a sigh that has his body melting against her own. “Comfortable there?”

“Getting there,” He mumbles.

(Y/N) bites back a laugh at the sudden neediness in his voice. She loves when he gets like this, all soft and sleepy. She lifts her hand to run his fingers through his hair, feeling him hum contently against her skin.

“Will you read to me?”

“You want me to read my book to you... It’s a bit mushy, I’m not sure you’ll like it.”

“I just want to hear your voice.”

“Needy- ah” She yelps at the pinch to her side, “Oi.”

“Please?”

She smiles to herself, picking the book up with her free hand, the other still stroking gently through his hair. She picks up at the beginning of the chapter to give him just a little background, though she doubts he’ll be listening, and begins to read aloud.

With the few remaining first years gone up to their dorm, no doubt to gossip about seeing the Gryffindor Captain so soft, and the others either planning revenge or down stairs at the party, the common room sits empty beyond the pair tangled on the sofa.

The quiet clicking of rain on the window and the crackling of the fire only add to the serenity of it all, a perfect accompaniment to the gentle sound of (Y/N)’s voice that envelopes the couple in a perfect peace.

It’s not long before the breath, blown warm across the skin of (Y/N)’s neck, softens to almost inaudible snores. She stops with a soft smile, sliding the book onto the coffee table and sighing gratefully when Oliver doesn’t stir.

In moments like this, it’s almost impossible to imagine him stern as she knows he is on the pitch, to imagine him capable of producing the scowls and revenge plots of the rest of his team - even if only temporary.

He’s so intense at times, she knows it well enough herself, but it’s passion that does it, determination and love. By the end of the week they’ll be lifting him on their shoulders at a victory party and forgetting all about his ridiculous training scheme.

For now though, she doesn’t need to think about it, he’s not Gryffindor team captain or ‘bloody strict git’, he’s just Oliver, unfiltered and at ease. (Y/N) loves him all year round, the strict and the intense, but most of all on nights like this, when they exist alone for each other, in their own little bit of peace and it’s note long before she finds herself blinking slowly to sleep in his arms.

[britishassistant]

Supervillain AU! I formally request the special addition of Yuu’s first kidnapping please.

Thank you for the ask, dear anon!

“Yoo-hoo, Reporter-chan? Wakey-wakey, it’ll be bad for you if you don’t get up soon~”

Yuu shakes their head groggily, the sing-songy voice not helping the pounding in their temple.

“Did someone get the number of the truck that hit me?” They mumble, blinking to try and get their eyes to focus.

“Dammit Deuce, you gave them brain damage.” A familiar, much more annoyed sounding voice said. “Their head’s gonna be all screwy and useless now, dumbass.”

“It was just a lovetap though!” A third voice, also familiar, protested.

The floor finally stopped moving in front of their eyes and Yuu realized some very important things.

One, the floor they were staring at was not the floor of the library where they last remembered being.

Two: Their arms and legs seemed to be tied tight to the arms and legs of an iron garden chair.

Three: There are many odd-looking people standing near them, all in clothes that are too coordinated not to be a uniform but too outlandish to represent a government group of some kind.

Oh Great Seven, Yuu thinks with a rising sort of hysteria. It’s finally happened.

Clowns have come to take me away for not brushing my teeth enough like Mom said when I was little.

“...Are ya sure you didn’t break ‘em?”

“...”

“Deuce.”

Yuu wonders if they should feel offended at being talked around like this.

“Enough of this nonsense!” A hand seizes Yuu’s chin and pulls their head up to face the latest speaker. An imperious-looking young man stands and walks towards the reporter, clicking his fingers. “Three of Clovers.”

A tall man in glasses hands the imperious young man what Yuu recognizes as their wallet. The shorter man glances at the contents disdainfully. “You. First and last name and age, now.”

“Y-Yuu Radcliffe, 23 years.” The reporter stutters, their initial hysteria morphing into a sinking feeling in their gut. If not the clowns, then... “Can I ask who I have the pleasure of talking to?”

“No.” The redhead holding their wallet snaps. “Current occupation and birthday?”

“Field reporter at TWST local news.” They force themselves to relax the fists their hands have balled into. “March 18th.”

Remember what Uncle Divvy always says. Stay calm, act cooperative, do or say whatever you need to to avoid injury. Any supervillains on this level trying to curry favor with or blackmail the dumb bird will have to go through Uncle Divvy first to contact him, and he’ll take care of the rest.

All Yuu needs to do is keep themselves alive until then.

They still can’t help but dread what they know is coming next.

The supervillain seems to notice their distress, and smirks cruelly. He takes his time walking forward and leaning down until he’s on the reporter’s eye level, hands resting on the back of the chair and eyes flicking over their face, almost as if he’s savoring the moment before he makes their life that much more painful.

Yuu braces themselves as he opens his mouth–!

“What is the best type of tea?”

Huh?

“Wait, what? I don’t—” Yuu asks, backpedalling as the supervillain’s face grows stormy at their lack of response. “Uuh...green tea? I guess? I mean, it’s the one I like the most, but I’m more of a coffee or hot cocoa person, so I’m not the best one to ask...”

The person holding their chin sucks in through their teeth and the annoyed familiar voice outside their periphary snickers “Oooh, busted~”

The supervillain is beginning to go as red as his hair, and the reporter can hear his teeth grinding. His hands are now gripping the back of the chair so tight Yuu would almost swear they hear the metal by their ears creak.

“Ri–Royal.” The man with glasses says.

The supervillain inhales and exhales almost violently, until what’s visible of his face under that mask is looking less flushed.

“The correct answer,” He says, voice trembling with emotion. “Was all teas at their due times. To drink green tea instead of rosehip at breakfast, or lemon tea at 8pm...the nerve of your arrogance is astounding!”

Yuu...genuinely isn’t sure how they’re supposed to respond to that. Instead they just go with, “I’m sorry, I’ve never had rosehip or lemon tea. Do you like them?”

“Do I—?!” The supervillain’s mouth works soundlessly, gradually going red again. He pushes off the chair sharply. “I—the ro—i-it’s not a matter of liking!! These are the Rules!! And the Rules must be obeyed!! Three of Clovers!”

“Yes, Royal Flush?” The glasses man asks.

“The reporter is forbidden from having any montblanc after dinner, and will take two cups of lemon tea at 8pm tonight and two cups of rosehip tomorrow at breakfast.” Royal Flush flashes them a cruel smirk. “Consider it a light punishment for your impertinence.”

Yuu blinks. Tries to make sense of what they’ve just heard.

Blinks again.

“You know if you just wanted to ask me out to dinner, I’d have taken a nice invitation or a bouquet. You didn’t need to knock me out and tie me up like this, I’m not that picky. I do have Tinder.”

Glasses guy makes a choking noise and erupts into a coughing fit.

The hand that’s been holding Yuu’s chin migrates to their shoulder for support as its owner lets out an undignified snort and gasps out something that sounds vaguely like “why wasn’t I recording, that was Magicam gold!” as he giggles. He’s a redhead too, but much more orange than his boss.

There’s a sputter of hysterical laughter that has Yuu twisting their head to see the two guys and the cat from the hydroelectric plant, both with these odd-looking metal collars around their necks, but otherwise unharmed. The talking cat is trussed up in so many ropes that it looks more like a bobblehead, also wearing a weird collar.

The third redheaded one is bracing his hands on his knees, wheezing out a litany of “holy shit, holy shit” between chortles. The dark haired one is holding the cat a confused expression, cutting off his friend’s laughter when he turns to ask, “Ace, what’s tinder?”

The momentary silence lets an odd squeaking noise be heard.

One that gradually grows in volume until it’s an outright screech coming from the supervillain in front of them. He’s so red Yuu is honestly worried about his blood pressure, pointing a shaking finger at them.

“I—YOU—YOU—OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!!!”

Yuu chokes a little at the feeling of cold metal materializing around their neck, dragging their head down with its weight. The supervillain continues screeching, refusing to even look at the reporter. “YOU—! DUNGEON! RIGHT NOW!! NO DESSERTS!! GO!!”

There’s an awkward moment as Royal Flush turns away from them, as if expecting them to get up and walk out of their own accord while his back is to them.

“...So, does that mean you want them to untie me or something, or...?” Yuu wiggles their firmly bound hands and feet for emphasis.

The supervillian makes a sound like a kettle whistling, before he barks out. “Two of Spades! Ace of Hearts! GET them OUT OF MY SIGHT until they’re WILLING to COOPERATE!!”

The dark haired young man quickly shuffles forward, grabs the back of the chair, and drags it and the poor reporter attached to it out of the room and into the corridor. The metal screeches as it moves from carpet to concrete.

“Wh—Two, no, untie them first.” The man with glasses says, despairing, appearing in the doorway. “You’ll mark up the floor otherwise.”

“Ah! Sorry, senpai!” Two looks between the cat in his arms and the knots on the chair, before shoving the cat into the arms of the redhead who answers to “Ace”. Neither of them look happy with this development.

“Fgnah! Quit squeezing, ya jerk!” The cat protests, wriggling as best it can.

“Oh? What’s that? I’m sorry, I just need to make sure that greatest, lamest supervillain in the city doesn’t escape to go setting random crap in the lair on fire again.” Ace says sweetly, grip tightening.

“Tha’s your fault, an’ you know it!” The cat wheezes out, thrashing harder.

Yuu winces. “Hey, quit hurting him. Whatever he did, he doesn’t deserve this.”

The dark haired minion barks out a laugh as he tugs the ropes away from their right wrist while his redheaded counterpart sneers at them.

“Oh really? Bet you’ll change your tune real quick once you learn it’s thanks to him you’re here in the first place.” Ace of Hearts mocks. “Dumb monster sang like a damn canary when Royal pressured him a tiiiny bit, saying it was all your fault his precious ingredient is now in the sewers.”

“Tha’s a lie!” The monster? cat blurts out too quickly for comfort. “It’s all these two morons, I swear!”

“Why you little—“

“I don’t care.” Yuu cuts in before Two of Spades can hit the animal. “I didn’t destroy that thing, but even if none of you said anything, your boss would’ve found out I was involved anyway from watching my report on it on the news. So I don’t care, just-just quit hurting him.”

There’s a tense moment as the two minions stare down at the reporter. They do their best to meet the gazes without flinching.

Then the Ace of Hearts tosses the cat into their lap as the Two of Spades sinks back down to keep working on their ankle. “Fine. Since you like it so much, you can take care of it. Just don’t expect me to cover for your ass—you still owe me for the power plant.”

“I’m sorry?” Yuu curls their free arm around the bundle of rope, fur, and yowling insults and pulls it closer to them. “Shouldn’t that be the other way round?”

“You locked me in a closet with him!” Ace hisses. “Do you know how hard it was to get out before the cops came with him freaking out and messing stuff up?!”

“Oi.” Two shoots him a dark look from where he’s finished untying the reporter’s left hand. “Like you weren’t whining about us being digested until you knocked a broom over!”

“Sh-shut up!”

“Well excuse me for trying to save your lives.” Yuu bites back, rubbing the rope marks on their wrists. “Next time I’ll just run and let the sludge monster eat your unconscious bodies.”

“It’d save us all the trouble of this shit if you did!” Ace spits, jabbing a finger at his collar. “At least then we wouldn’t be on Royal’s shit list!”

Yuu lets the piece of information they were just given marinate in their brain as they glare at him. Well, now what exactly was that supposed to mean?

“Ngh...this knot won’t come loose.” Two says from by the reporter’s left foot.

“How about now?” Replies an unfamiliar voice, as a disembodied hand pulls deftly at a loop in the rope.

“Ah!” Two of Spades brightens up as the rest of the rope falls away. “Thanks a lot—”

The disembodied hand punches him in the face.

Yuu cries out in alarm at the sight of the minion falling backwards into the Ace of Hearts, knocking him down like a bowling pin.

A pair of clawed hands are then scooping them up, extra cat and all, and the reporter finds themself looking at the unsettlingly wide smile and purple cat ears of one of the city’s top heroes, running at full speed while sharpened playing cards whizz past his face and Ace calls out behind them “Senpai! It’s him again!!”

There’s a percussive boom somewhere in the distance, and screams of how the flamingos are loose as the hero winks down at Yuu. “Seems you’re a popular one today, kitten! But let’s get you back to where you where before you were so rudely catnapped, yes?”

“Not so fast, hero!” The orange haired guy choruses from the entrance to the staircase, and—from behind them as well?

The reporter’s heart sinks as more and more versions of the minion keep popping up around them, to the point where the hero is forced to stand on the bannister of the balcony they’re on.

And based on the fact that the hero hasn’t used his invisibility? Intangibility? powers, it’s likely that he can’t use them while holding Yuu and the cat.

They’re surrounded.

“You really can’t keep your paws out of anything that’s mine, can you?” Royal Flush’s tone is clipped as he glares up at the hero.

“Hey R-kun, Three-kun!” The hero pouts, hugging Yuu closer to his chest. “I come a~ll this way to play, only to find you’ve got a nyew toy you’re already playing with without me! How mean! You guys really are cruel!!”

“We’re sorry about that.” Three of Clovers says, edging closer. “If you just hand the reporter over to Four, they’ll be put away and we can all “play” together, no distractions. Doesn’t that sound nice?”

The hero makes a deliberating noise, holding Yuu out and away from him over the drop, tilting his head this way and that.

His grin grows unsettlingly wider.

“Look, R-kun, Three-kun!” The hero calls out. “Nyo hands!”

Wait, what—

The hero’s body vanishes.

Yuu and the monster cat plummet screaming past the illogically winding staircases of the evil lair.

Yuu tries to angle their body so that the frantically crying cat will be shielded from the brunt of the fall—!

“NO!!”

There’s a sound like glass shattering, and a feeling of being enveloped in something soft, cold and buoyant. The two of them bounce a few times and land back on it more gently each time.

Yuu cracks open their eyes to see that they’re seated on a strange, red, jelly-like mass. The cat in their arms tentatively sniffs, and then lunges to take a bite out of their cushion before the reporter can stop him.

“Shtrawberry?” He says through a full mouth. “Tashtes good!”

The reporter grabs him before he can go for another bite, a little thrown by his speed now that collar isn’t weighing him down. But where did this thing come from–?

Yuu looks up.

Royal Flush is leaning dangerously far over the balcony countless flights of stairs above them, one arm outstretched down towards them.

They stare at each other for a moment.

Then clawed hands fasten around Yuu’s waist again with a cheery “Nyow wasn’t that fun?” and Royal Flush visibly tenses and begins screaming things after the escaping hero that are barely legible through his rage.

The hero deposits them both outside the TWST news station with their wallet and phone back in their pockets. He at least helps them untie the monster cat, who promptly declares he just let them protect him, and scarpers.

Of course the hero is gone too when Yuu turns back around, before they can ask him what the hell he was playing at, dropping them like that, was he insane?! If Royal Flush hadn’t interfered...

The reporter has to fight the urge to lose their lunch.

Their boss rushes out and envelopes them in a surprisingly powerful hug, the woman almost lifting the reporter off their feet as she babbles about whether or not Yuu needs a hospital after getting kidnapped by one of the seven major supervillains.

Yuuken is quick to join the embrace with a bear hug of his own. He pulls back, fingers prodding gently at Yuu’s bruised temple and declaring he’ll drive them to hospital to make sure they don’t have a concussion.

He graciously waits until they’re in the car to ask why Yuu smells so much of strawberries.

The reporter can only give a half answer, partly because they don’t want to worry him, and partly because they have another question of their own buzzing incessantly around their brain.

Why was Yuu kidnapped in the first place?

Royal Flush never even mentioned Crowley, despite all the chances he had to do so. Not even an oblique or confusing metaphor or code. Does that mean he’s ignorant of the connection between Yuu and the League?

But if that’s the case, it circles back around to the first question: why kidnap Yuu to begin with?

Somehow the reporter doubts it was to just ask their tea preferences or invite them to dinner.

Those minions referred to that monster as Royal Flush’s “precious ingredient”. Ingredient for what? Is there something that Royal Flush thinks they witnessed that’s integral to a scheme? Did they witness something and just not realize it’s significance?

Yuu’s reporter senses are screaming that there’s a deeper story to uncover here. Yuu’s common sense is screaming that investigating the dangerous plans of the supervillain they’ve just escaped from is a terrible idea.

Though he could have just...let them fall. But he didn’t. And won’t he just kidnap them again regardless?

...

This is a terrible idea.

But if Yuu’s common sense was stronger than their reporter senses, then they wouldn’t be in this city in the first place, would they?

[juice-plums]

Dr Two Brains x reader: Silence

(smutty!!!)

Another night alone in her apartment was perfect for Y/n she watches television on her couch she ate some popcorn while then breaking news came on

News-channel: Dr two brains has escaped and is on the run keep on look out

She gasps as his mugshot was shown Y/n had a forbidden crush on the cheese fiend yeah he steals which is illegal and wouldn’t recommend it there was something about him his white hair or that flirty attitude he had she looked past his red eyes

Y/n bit her lip

She daydreamed about Two brains ramming inside her tight pussy and name calling her bad names like ‘slutty pig’ or ‘My cum dumpster’

she felt her get wet with the sinful thoughts Y/n wants him to pull her hair and smack her ass while she’s begging him to cum

She gets up and walks to her fridge and grabs a decent size cucumber she softly strokes it and walks back to her couch she pulls out a condom package from under her couch and places the condom on the cucumber

she spreads her legs moving her underwear to the side yeah it’s her house she wears no pants or shorts and places the cucumber at the entrance of her vagina and slowly slid it in

She threw her head back hissing the cucumber expanding her vagina making sloshing sounds as she pushes it further in her eyes roll back Y/n hung her mouth wide open Feeling the cucumber kiss her cervix and slowly starts to ram the cucumber in and out of herself

“Gahh~ ooooh~ Two Brains!” she moans squeezing her boob The cucumber hitting all the right places yeah her hands got tired but the sensation was too good she couldn’t stop despite the cramping

Y/n sits up and starts to ride the cucumber which made her crazy she covers her mouth

“Yeah just like that!~” she rides faster she fell off the couch but continues to move the cucumber in and out of her not wanting to lose her climax

“aaah! ahhh!~” She screams squirting on the floor she breaths catching her breath trying to go another round Y/n sits back on her couch legs wide open she was sensitive

A loud smash came through her window a figure stood up they lock eyes she noticed those red eyes from anywhere

the awkward tension she saw his cheeks turn red before he could say anything she rubs her clit she saw his boner grow

Two brains had Y/n’s legs in the air like the mating press as he thrusts into her pussy she made a noise with every thrust he made he was bigger than she imagined

A visible lump was shown through her stomach he groans his raspy voice loving every minute holding her legs like he was gonna break them off slapping sounds filled the apartment pretty sure a broom was knocking on a roof to tell them to keep in down

“Oh yes make me your personal slut!~” she begs holding his body close His hands wrapped around her throat

“Yeah you want that you dirty whore? you want me to make you my own cum dumpster? Well your wish is my command” He thrusts with every word bringing your lips in for a sloppy make out session she loves that raspy voice calling her names

this was even better than I imagined! she thought her still brain dead face as he rams into her hole banging her villain crush She wants his to fill her hole and claim her

“This feels so Good-ah I’m so close!” He rasps she forcefully wraps her legs around his back

“Coat my insides!~ make me yours-aaaaahh!~ Two brains!!” She hollers squirting everywhere Two Brains grunts and strand slamming down and cream pie-ing her insides she lets out a exhausted sigh of satisfaction

as Two brains pulls out some of his jizz went onto her stomach He laughs at her grabbing her mouth to lean in for a sloppy kiss and takes out a pen and paper writing down something

“My number…I want you to call it….I’m free tomorrow and I want you all over again” he places in on her couch then kisses her forehead leaving out through the window

She lays there still in the feeling no doubt about it Y/n will definitely call him tomorrow for another fuck sesh.