#[among other feelings]
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an angle i enjoy in cosmic/eldritch horror is when, instead resorting to the old classic "the horrors being so incomprehensible that they break your brain and drive you mad" cliché, the premise is that in comprehending the horrors you are so changed by the experience that your new state is indistinguishable to an outside observer from madness. you comprehend the unknowable just fine, but actually communicating that to anyone else is impossible because they just don't have the mental framework required to understand it. the eldritch horrors don't drive you mad. what does is the ordinary everyday horror of finding yourself isolated, ridiculed and doubted at every turn, no matter how hard you try to make yourself heard and understood.
#đ#this is why i liked the way tma did it#where the eldritch is more or less a direct allegory for trauma (among other things)#and how those experiences can make the entire world seem like a different place and make you feel crazy#when other people dont understand what seems so clear and obvious to you#apartment 'complex'? actually i find it quite simple. no guys really its so simple you gotta believe me. why dont you believe me.
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part 2!!!! [read part one here]
transcript below the cut arranged into stanzas to help show where the rhymes are:
âthatâs why they brought gem in? as a failsafe?â as a pawn. we were told to point her at whoever we need gone
âgem wonât hurt her allies. âŠyet.â the curse she carries will itâs had its eye on her since she lost the other eye she was specially selected for her hunting skill itâs quite the high honor. âwow. how generous.â we try
think about it: why does almost no one fight the curse? âgiven how fast scott killed skizz last season, i can guess.â [âany pain you spare your friends, youâll have to suffer worseâ?] itâs designed to shut down higher reasoning with stress
#if you still can't see the rhyme scheme try reading it out loud#if that doesn't work uh. idk. can't help you#my art#grian#geminitay#smajor1995#bdoubleo100#inthelittlewood#secret life#grian and his terrible horrible no good very bad eldritch coworkers: the sequel#cant wait to post the next part so i can be like 'my three secret life comics. and yes they all rhyme'#this one narratively doesn't work nearly as well as a standalone compared to part 1#however i accidentally went way too hard and could probably upload the middle page + second to last panel as their own separate art pieces#tbh i'm considering putting an explanation of everything below the readmore buuut i don't feel like it atm. :3 later maybe#me and my 20+ life series headcanons i only allude to without explicitly stating don't need to explain ourselves#still experimenting with this webtoon-esque vertical comic style#still not sure i like it#it gets long too quickly#among other things#but it's very easy to read on a phone so
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you know 99.99% of the time when a character is "the attractive one" in american tv or movies it doesnt work bc every other person on screen is also extremely conventionally attractive so it always feels a little silly that the rest of the cast is pretending this one person is so much hotter than them and out of their league bc there's always at least 6 other people who are equally if not more attractive than "the attractive one". but in challengers it actually works because that's zendaya
#honestly in general choosing to cast an extremely famous actress as tashi among less well-known actors works so well for the story#it helps sell tashis character more i feel. like ofc you believe shes a big deal. ofc you believe everyone thinks shes hot. thats zendaya!#personal#challengers#(not to say the other actors are not well-known but again. we are comparing them to literal zendaya)
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Honesty hours: I've been working a summer job at a bookstore for almost two months now. Here are the books I will discreetly shake my head at customers for buying. My literary red flags, if you will.
Anything tarot
Particular romance and romantasy novels that I've been told are basically just soft erotica (ACOTAR being the most popular)
Harlequins, which apparently still exist
Colleen Hoover
The Colleen Hoover merch we sell for some godforsaken reason
Heaven is For Real, When God Winks at You, and other theologically sketchy but inexplicably popular books. I'm always internally thinking, "oh honey, no!"
Giant stack of self help books combined with books from the business section. This suggests a very particular type of person. This type of person scares me.
Especially that one book we have about how to become a "superior man" (??)
More than one book by James Patterson. One book is forgivable; multiple suggests you follow him as an author
More than one book by Danielle Steel (same reason)
Parents buying their kids books that are just "Adult Thing: For Kids!" Like we have a picture book that's called "A Day at Dunder Mifflin" or the one adapted from the Dumb and Dumber movies and I'm like. Don't you think your kid would prefer something that's actually for them??
That guy who bought the collected writings of Lenin, the poetic writings of Mao, and a giant, thousand-page biography of Che Guevara all in one go. You okay there buddy?
#not trying to start anything just thought this crowd might appreciate this#if you're not familiar with Danielle Steel (i wasn't really before i started working here) she's basically just patterson ~for her~#suspiciously prolific (ie definitely using ghostwriters)#never leaves the top ten of the bestseller list (ie definitely putting a thumb on the scales)#and so insanely popular that we have to stock everything she's ever written in favor of other stuff#just to explain that one#i feel like the rest are pretty self explanatory#anyway. it's a fun summer job. but at the same time I feel very aware of the fact that my literary tastes place me in a minority#even among my coworkers#ÂŻ\_(ă)_/ÂŻ#pontifications and creations
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we can talk about the vast wilderness of allegory in yellowjackets when it comes to the cannibalization of girlhood and others lives and we can talk about the inevitability to never escape fate despite circumstance and we can talk about the complex character subtleties and their purpose but what i want to talk about is the fact that no WAY do i think a dozen girls would be trapped in the wilderness for 19 months without starting to kiss each other
#yellowjackets#have yall been around teenage girls#were just as bad#plus the inherent 'safety' girls feel among girls often allows this kind of this#90s or not#theres at least 2 people other than the canon lgbtq that would end up kissing#jackieshauna#lottienat#lottie matthews#natalie scatorccio#shauna shipman#jackie taylor#taissa turner#laura lee#van palmer#misty quigley
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these make me feel emotions i dont quite understand
#i uh. emailed a single breeder tonight#part of me feels like its too soon after pando but also there was a reason i got pando when i did#and that is because it is a good time in my life to have a puppy especially with my current dog's ages.....#nettle turns 6 this year#and waitlists are sometimes over 2 years long#i just. Eugh#both excited & nerve-racking#finch#ideally i am putting myself on a list and will not get a puppy until nettle is running full lanes in flyball#among other things#but those things are more personal goals and less Dog Goals
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#i'm very proud (among other feelings) over that first shot#gale dekarios#gale of waterdeep#baldurs gate 3#bg3
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I remember seeing some people talk about what were the last two afghan jews back when there were still two in the country and how almost... silly and comical it was that they still couldn't get along with each other but like... Imagine being the only two people of a minority group in your entire country because everyone else ran away, were intimidated into fleeing, or were killed. Maybe I'm a killjoy, but I really never found it funny to think of them having petty disputes because, like, obviously people in high-stress situations are going to be more prone to argument and disliking each other. Obviously when your sacred texts are stolen, when your community is snatched away, when you aren't sure if you'll be taken prisoner for the last time and never return... Obviously you're not going to be primed to interact with others pleasantly.
When you look up afghan jews, you'll find this.
#jumblr#jewish politics#antisemitism tw#personal thoughts tag#how can you not realize that there are (officially) NO afghan jews in afghanistan and not feel primal fear#'isn't it funny that the last two jews in the entire country still found ways to fight with each other?!'#i'm going to spontaneously combust just to send the shrapnel of my body everywhere. what is funny about that.#yes wikipedia is Not the ideal source. this was just an accessible visual of the figures#and maybe i'm readong too into it. maybe it is just human pettiness#but i've seen this attitude among non-jews where they find jewish suffering of ANY kind to be popcorn-worthy entertainment#the fact that there are countries that are (at least officially) jew-free should send shockwaves down your nervous system#no country has the right to be jew-free#i would rather be too sensitive to antisemitism and indifference toward jewish suffering than to be callous and apathetic and cruel#so if i'm looking too deeply into this... that is why
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i could overanalyze this interaction until people beg and cry for me to shut the fuck up
Hoffman you annoying and off-putting individual i am enamored with you
#another scene that i use as like main hoffman dialogue and behavior inspo#saw#mark hoffman#saw vi#the wheels turning as he realizes he can offload pamela onto jill but it ends up biting him in the ass in like. the biggest way#among like 20 other things i can say here about his sarcasm and eyerolling (u can see it... mentally happening..)#all while saying it in his fakey sweet nice guy tone where hes just constantly lying through his teeth to everyone#âmaybe i did maybe i DIDNT đ€šđ€šđ€šđ€šđ€đ€đ€šâ#and the like subtle slightly flirtatious body language that doubles as power play. this kind of character was made for me#also his body language in general is pretty funny like i am totally analyzing it as an animator too. the way he turns on his heel#it WOULD be fun to animate but alas. i dont feel like it
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i love it when a tv show has lows that are so low you're so ashamed to ever show it to anyone ever but then highs that melt your brain a bit, like, "good fucking god, this is genuinely such an astounding piece of craftmanship... my perception of the medium, and perhaps of myself, has been challenged/changed in 40 minutes" but you cant even express that to ppl without feeling like youre fucking deranged bc my god the lows .....
#Egg.txt#sorry i saw gar watched Hush recently and like#my god thats such a good episode of television . like sincerely fucking solid. like damn man.#and theres other eps of buffy i'd rank among that i.e a certain s5 episode that just still gives me chills to think about#but this also goes for trek + doctor who + farscape + and any and every lame little campy show out there#that just needs to fuck your head wide open sometimes#maybe that why i have enjoyed bsg but i havent like fucking Melded with it yet because its highs and its lows are both there but it doesnt#ever touch the extremes of either#i need something so so bad and so so good at once that makes mefeel like im insane#god i might go rewatch some tos soon#but yeah ok abt bsg maybe its alsojust#laccking a sincerity to it sometimes#and not just in how its a darker/grittier#but just in general i feel like .........hm. idk..#let me ponder
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I canât believe a boyfriend made a silly sex joke to lighten the mood after both partners had a moment of vulnerability. The audacity. The horror. The normalcy! Unbelievable. How dare a conversation about feelings turn to levity. How dare a couple have a light chat about trauma-related things over dinner that doesnât turn into an incredibly deep heart to heart instead of a joke and moving on. Unbelievable. Iâm never watching this show again! đđ»
#911 spoilers#bucktommy#Evan buckley#Tommy kinard#look#as a queer person in a relationship with another queer person#both of whom have major familial trauma#trust me when I say you generally DONT WANT ever reference to your feelings and trauma to turn into a huge deep discussion#sometimes you just say something vulnerable#and the other person does too#and then you joke about it and move on#humour is powerful coping mechanism as well#one that is pretty common especially among guys#people need to freaking relax ffs#Tommy is not a horrible person for making a flirty joke#things were said and feelings were acknowledged#and then they moved on#this is all perfectly freaking natural#Buck is not some sensitive flower that canât handle a silly joke about daddy issues#please I beg you all to look at this at a distance with some common sense#rather than the âbut Buck is traumatized and must always be treated delicately!!â lens#and I am saying all of this as someone who really doesnât give two fucks about the joke itself#Iâm not into daddy kink idgaf#but if the idea that a queer couple isnât allowed to insert a flirty joke to lighten a moment of vulnerability#then I donât know what to tell you#you personally finding something innapropriate does not mean itâs actually innapropriate#please just chill out ffs#no one wants to hear about how evil Tommy is for hitting on his boyfriend for months and months to come
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"... hatred, friendship, jealousy, indignation, emptiness, love, sorrow."
#why did he have to say the word 'love' like that đ#it's like. he can't help what he feels#and what he feels among all the other emotions is LOVE. he's surrendering to it. helpless.#his love for guts is his doom but also his salvation. dark. but also light.#screaming about every version of griffith's monologue đ©#the anime isn't perfect obviously but i think griffith's voice actor did a great job portraying his feelings in this scene#griffith#anime#griffguts#berserk 1997#mine
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Hadley Fraser showed up for two weeks rehearsal, almost forgot his line on stage, almost got singed by the props on stage, gave one of the best portrayals of Raoul in the history of the musical, and then dipped immediately from poto and its fandom
#hadley fraser#poto#phantom of the opera 25 anniversary#raoul de chagny#I legitimately don't think anyone has played Raoul better than him#it's hard to think of another Raoul that feels like a full character and a strong suitor against the phantom#even though Raoul should be the better choice among the two#musicals#phantom of the opera#though to be fair I haven't listened to a lot of poto casts#if there are others you'd recommend then I will gladly listen to them#but come on#it's the 25 anniversary cast#just some thoughts#twilight-zoned-out
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Steve wakes up and feels weird. His bedroom isnât his bedroom anymore. He takes another look.
It is his bedroom. Of his parentsâ house back in Hawkins. He is back in his old bedroom. The house is empty. Everything looks odd.
He turns on the TV. Will Byers has gone missing. He stumbles outside the door and picks up the newspaper. November 6th, 1983.
Heâs gone back in time somehow. 15 years backwards. To the first day it all started.
Steve crumbles the newspapers in his hand and decides this time heâs going to fix everything.
Including saving his soulmate from his death 13 years ago
#harringrove#steve harrington#billy hargrove#time travel au and steve is redoing everything#he feels so weird being in a relationship with nancy again#he didnt try to sleep with nancy and saved barb#desperately tried to be friends with billy when he comes#nearly burst into tears when he saw billy again#meanwhile billys so weirded out whys that pretty boy crying at the sight of him#among other things#steve did everything he could to save everyone and especially billy#or is it a timeloop au where he fails to save billy and wakes up on november 6th 1983 again?#and again and again until he did it right#billy x steve#billy hargrove x steve harrington#harringrove au#harringrove headcanon#harringroveera
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when you love characters so much you try to climb inside them to become them. you pick up their strange personality quirks and their lopsided smirks and you try and fail to knit the sweater they wear most often and to play the piano piece that they comfort themselves with. you twirl the piece of hair at the base of your neck and use antiquated turns of phrases and teach yourself how to waltz in the darkness of your bedroom. you swirl an imaginary cape and sprawl bonelessly and draw their tattoos over your arms. and one day you look at yourself and you are an amalgamation of of the fictional people you love. they live through you, and will always be with you, and in that way, they are real.
#i am having. Feelings#but this post specifically referred to (among others)#methos#highlander#near#death note#erik#poto#joe dawson#duncan macleod#if you can't tell yet i'm chest deep in highlander fanfiction from two decades ago and the fandom is deader than a doornail and i'm. not ok
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the sheer unfaithfulness of laudna's argument of, "i gave you a bruise, you gave me gashes" in trying to undermine orym's validity as if she wasn't the REASON he had attacked her, thinking she was an enemy because he couldn't SEE her after she cast darkness and she wouldn't SPEAK UP to assure him that it was her and she REFUSED to back down after he woke up and chose thievery and lashing out and risking his life AND his trust instead of COMMUNICATING, left me completely and utterly FLABBERGASTED at the AUDACITY
#critical role#critical role spoilers#cr spoilers#laudna#orym#yeah there were moments where laudna was absolutely correct#i.e. when chet said that she hadn't experienced loss like the others#and her feelings about the sword in general#but oh man that moment was NOT one of them#definitely a moment that pissed me off#among many if not most other moments in that argument#i.e. orym calling out laudna's hypocrisy for ârelyingâ on a dark force#like ooooo he called her out so haaaaard#like yes circumstances are vastly different#but she can't call the kettle black as an argument#and not expect to be told that the pot is also black
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