#[That fiiiiiiiight man!]

[cherry-bomb-ships]

Real talk I think Cherry Coading and R. Marie should switch evil genius partners for a week and see what happens

[valistheanshield]

DLC is great. Eikonoklasm is a banger.

Someone knock me out til spring, please?

[absolutepokemontrash]

May I request the brothers with an MC who does martial arts and is kind of a menace? Like, they won't start conflict with anyone, just for the sake of violence. But of some jerk/bully demon harassed them enough they'd definitely kick the bully off his feet and throw him. I'm thinking the kind of MC who would try to strike Belphie's throat when he starts doing what he does in ch. 16. (I love your writing BTW. I hope you're having a great day. Remember to hydrate, rest and eat. :D)

(Awww! Thank you! I’ll definitely be sure to consume all my daily requirements! :D)

MC is a Martial Arts Master!

Lucifer

When Lucifer first saw MC flip a demon twice their height, he just about had a stroke then and there. What the hell are they feeding the humans up there??? Steroids and raw eggs???

According to MC, who was happy to explain, it’s just a matter of safely shifting one’s opponent’s weight. Well… at least MC will be somewhat safe down in the Devildom… who would expect a human to be able to do that?

Lucifer goes about his business as usual, but on one particular day, he gets curious.

He asks the human what kinds of fighting styles they’re sufficiently trained in, and they reply with “Judo, Karate, Ju Jitsu, Kung Fu-”

Lucifer’s eyebrows nearly shot upwards off his face. The human was this talented???? Huh… oh well. Impressive, but Lucifer had other matters to attend to-

MC IS NO LONGER ALLOWED TO GIVE LUCIFER’S BROTHERS LESSONS. THE PEACOCK HAS BEEN FLIPPED. I REPEAT, THE ELDERLY PEACOCK HAS BEEN FLIPPED.

Mammon

Honestly, Mammon is really hyped. He loves action movies, and any good action movie has a hero who can kick ass!

Any time the two of them watch an action movie together, Mammon points at the screen and asks “hey can you do that?”

No matter how ridiculous, he’s gonna ask. No Mammon, no normal human can backflip-kick someone while falling from an on-fire train.

Oh well! Not all is lost! Maybe he can set up some kinda underground fight club in order to rake in some extra dough… hmmmm… heh, oi, human, ya interested?

Even if MC says yes, Mammon will be promptly stopped by the brothers with brain cells at their disposal. Tsk… damn. Hey, MC, ya wanna teach your first man some fightin’ moves?

Leviathan

Woah! This is just like in every shonen anime ever! MC’s just going to get stronger and stronger, until eventually they’re able to destroy anyone who dares challenge them!

Levi is going to sit and watch from the sidelines with popcorn and some glow sticks to cheer his favourite human on!

*sigh* his human is so cool…

Now, Levi knows hand to hand combat, but… he’s just better at it in games. He’s more of a strategist. Huh… maybe he can hire MC to train some of his troops! Or maybe… he could teach MC how to use a sword, or a trident!

MC and Levi are battle buds now! Good god Levi, why did you give them a sharp object?

Satan

Now, Satan has spent thousands of years studying all manners of things, including fighting techniques and styles. He might be a bit out of practice, but he’s up for a sparring match-

Aaaaaaaand angry nerd got flipped. Easily… pathetically easily. Wow… is MC free for lessons? He’d like to… find a way to royally embarrass Lucifer.

After training, Satan is always ready to elegantly decompress. And by elegantly decompress, he means flop on the library couch right next to MC and… groan. He’s a little sore.

Once Satan’s body gets used to the constant fighting exercise, he’s the one who starts taking care of MC after training. He starts reading to MC as they relax on their bed together… wholesome stuff like that.

Now, Satan’s a smart guy, whenever MC is off being ridiculous and a menace, he’s nowhere nearby. But he’s got eyes everywhere… he’ll be sure to find out about all of MC’s shennaniganery for inspiration on how to fuck with Lucifer!

Asmodeus

“…hey, Mx. No Name Kid, 🎶 just who might you be? And would you fiiiiiiiight for me~ 🎶?”

Asmo just thinks it would be very romantic if someone fought someone on his behalf… save him from something dangerous, whisk him away to a lone retreat for some-

Okay that’s enough. Anyway, Asmo isn’t one for intense exercise or physical fights. Our sweet Avatar of Lust is more on the side of easily ripping someone to shreds and then moving on, a whole long fight just seems… yucky.

But Asmo is always ready to run MC a bath if some of their shenanigans gets them all messed up. He’s also willing to play nurse if MC wants~

All in all, supportive demon bestie/boyfriend, he’ll cheer MC on and film their ridiculousness!

Beelzebub

We all know Beel is a big dude, but MC has flipped bigger! They can do this!

No they could not. Beel got half-flipped then nearly landed on top of MC. It wasn’t even romantic! MC almost died!

As confused and bewildered as Beel was, he was quick to make sure MC was okay. Would Beel hugs fix this? Probably not considering MC was trying to prevent broken bones.

As different as Beel’s kind of fitness and MC’s kind of fitness is, he is totally down to train with MC.

Listen, when you see Beelzebub weight training the human exchange student, mind ya business, they’re trying to get shredded.

Belphegor

Okay listen, the throat punch and the absolute ASS BEATING that was given to him in the attic before he was finally able to “kill” MC was not very becoming of Belphie… ugh… it was very embarrassing, but in his defence- he uh… was half asleep! Yeah!

Anyway, Belphie doesn’t exactly care too much about MC’s fitness and martial arts training. He’s more concerned with fitness this whole blanket around the two of them while they nap together.

Well, okay, saying he doesn’t care is a bit of a stretch. It is impressive, but Belphie is more amazed by MC’s penchant for causing chaos and turning more of Lucifer’s hair grey.

Call him MC’s lazy new assistant because FUCK YEAH, HE’S GOING TO JUDO FLIP THAT PEACOCK IF IT KILLS HIM.

(It probably will)

[justlightthefirstspark]

As promised, my analysis/opinion/thought piece on today’s MUWFC game vs Spurs. Everything is chronological which I feel like should go without saying but in the interest of clarity 🤷🏽‍♀️ but not everything is tagged to the minute cause I am an idiot that didn’t realise that that would be helpful til like the 2nd half. Also, if I missed anything, or got players mixed up or anything pls lemme know and I’ll edit accordingly! I’ve never really done any from of sports based writing before (I don’t think tweets count lol) so pls be nice, merci 😘

Line up as follows, I guess this is pretty common knowledge but you know, coherency and such.

Tbh it was kinda hard to see *a lot* of this game, especially on the far side of the pitch and by both goals because of the weather, felt like I was watching Silent Hill for a little while there, but I did my best. My wifi is also horrendous atm, and we all know that the FA Player can be problematic so there’s a very good chance I might have missed something due to a lag or buffering btw. Just drop me an ask if you notice anything that mightn’t be quite right, and I’ll fix it asap! Some ~analysis~ (if you could call it that lol) is more detailed than other bits cause there was a lot happening and today I learned that it’s kinda hard to write one thing and watch another at the same time lol

First half:

Quick, fast and almost successful start. A much-needed improvement on the stagnancy vs Bristol a few weeks ago, and obviously we couldn’t see the midweek game vs Brighton so I can’t compare them.

I have to say I’m not a massive fan of all the back passes, all the time. I think a more attacking FB might be needed in the summer, or maybe Ökvist should be given some time to acclimatise to the WSL soon? I was never the biggest fan of Harris last season, I personally don’t think she’s fast enough – she gets outpaced down the flank by attackers 90% of the time, which isn’t good. I think A. Turner is the strongest FB option currently, at least defensively, and she’s shown she has a decent attacking ability, and has a wicked long ball, as well as crossing. My only issue is sometimes those tackles of hers can be a liability, giving away unnecessary fouls. It’s almost like she doesn’t think before she flies in sometimes, which is a shame, cause I love them. A lot.

There were a couple of really good chances in the first half, including a great ball in and run up from Galton, which should have resulted in probably the opening goal but whether it was as a result of the weather or just misjudged timing and placement from both Ross and Sigsworth, the chance went to waste. Groenen had an excellent chance to net her first for United but unfortunately sent it just wide. Another glorious link up between A. Turner and Galton led to another decent chance, a gorgeous cross in from the right to the opposite side of the box, and the perfect header which unfortunately was aimed straight at the keeper. Very unlucky to head in at the break with nothing.

There was an incredible double save from Earps around halfway through the first half. I have to say, I have some anxieties with her sometimes. She is quite good, but has a tendency to make some silly mistakes, and doesn’t always make the right call for a save. But my god she was on her game today, even if a potential error might have led to the first save. Didn’t disappoint me anytime she was called on this afternoon.

A few frustrations started to show around the 30 min mark, a few sloppy passes and challenges making the rounds. It was also around this time that I realized I’d picked a pretty poor game to start this thing on because I could barely see anything.

Zelem seems to be back in form, which can only be a good thing. But I would very much like it if somehow she could drag some of the other girls back up with her.

There were a fair few soft calls going Spurs way, which I wasn’t entirely convinced by. But then again I’m probably just naturally biased towards my girls.

Another great ball in to Sigsworth from A. Turner which was just *chefs kiss* but unfortunately came to nothing. There was also a spin move either to commit or avoid a challenge, I couldn’t really tell tbh, which was very impressive, as was her chase down on Mitchell at around 43 mins. (Amy’s my favourite player, can you tell?)

Booking for Kirsty Smith just before half time, but I gotta be honest I couldn’t see it due to the fog, so I have no idea what happened. Couldn’t find anything about it in the United post-match report either so apparently we’re just deleting that from the history of the earth which is completely fine by me to be honest.

Second half:

My main takeaway from this game is that both Sigsworth and Ross always seem to be looking for the same ball in the penalty area, and there very rarely seems to be anybody else around looking for a potential rebound. I think that James (who missed today’s game due to suspension) seems to be our main (only?) front line creator and finisher; Sigsworth is fine, that girl works like a dog and always gets the job done, I think she may have just needed another goal to boost her confidence, but I have no real concerns with her. Ross, however, I’m not entirely convinced by, I think a lot of her finishes have been a bit lucky and flukey so far. I’d start Toone over her for the rest of the season to be honest, Ross hasn’t done anything that tells me she deserves the starting place. Feel free to disagree with this of course, this is just my own personal opinion.

56 mins – confusion has entered the chat. McManus ends up pretty much through on goal, and then the ref whistles for what I assumed to be an offside. So naturally I nearly kicked my laptop out the window. The ref then awards a United penalty, and I’m even more confused now than I was in the beginning. I genuinely didn’t see anything but did hear a few shouts from what I’m assuming was the United bench for handball, so I have no idea what happened here.

‘58 – GOAL. Who else? God bless Katie Zelem is all I’m saying.

‘61 – Hanson 🔁 Ross. I think this was a good swap. I don’t think Ross was particularly good today, and Hanson immediately sparked that RW. I would have subbed Ross off sooner but that’s my only issue.

’64 – GOAL – Sigsworth with a pretty perfect if slightly scruffy strike from a corner.

A much better corner than previous attempts, and Spurs hadn’t defended any of them particularly well. I think that we have a major issue with set pieces, I dunno what exactly the problem is, whether they need to allocate a new taker or whatever but before today had we scored from a corner all season? Lemme knowwww.

’65 – A few decent chances for Spurs around this time. One pretty clear run in from the right, and one or two shots bounced right of the crossbar and the post. Basically my heart stopped for about 8 mins.

’66 – I DO NOT WANT TO SEE BACK PASSES IN THE BOX AS OPPOSITION PLAYERS SWARM IN. CLEAR IT. I DON’T CARE WHERE IT GOES JUST GET IT OUT. (sorry for the caps but my anxiety was out in force this afternoon)

United started playing much better after both goals, think they just needed a kick up the arse. *Ahem* A confidence boost. 👀 Much better intensity for the final 30 mins than the previous 60 imo.

’68 – Another decent chance for Spurs, with Earps coming way too far off her line than sat right with me. Very lucky nothing came of that.

’69-72 – Around this time I started to get *very* confused between Amy and Abbie cause they both had yellow boots on and literally the only thing I could see on the far side of the pitch was feet. That was fun.

’73 – The wasteful corners made a return. Slightly less panicked about that one considering we were already 2-0 up but still, I would like to see the glaring set piece issue sorted asap thanks girls x

’75ish – Toone 🔁 Groenen. Man I love Jackie Groenen. She really has been immense for us so far, and there’s a definite difference in how we play without her.

’78 – Harris 🔁 M. Turner. I’ve said my piece about Harris above but man, can we take a second to appreciate Millie Turner. She never, ever stops. Literally the heart of our defence.

’86 – GOAL – Oh captain, my captain. Beautiful strike from a free kick just outside the box, with the perfect bend around the wall and subsequently the keeper to make it 3-0.

United were very obviously stronger in the second half, almost looked like a completely different team at times. Whether they just got the hairdryer treatment at the half (I would imagine Casey is terrifying when she’s mad.) or the goals gave them that spark they desperately needed to kick on, they definitely made up for all the missed chances in the first half.

’90 – 4 additional minutes.

’92 – Another United free kick. McManus found herself almost clear in (again!), but due to an unlucky fumble with the ball at her feet unfortunately nothing came from this one. Surely a 4th goal otherwise.

’93 – FIIIIIIIIGHT. Kinda. You love to see it. Spend a little while conducting some, scientific research 🌚 and have concluded that Toone was tackled from behind just as the ball left her feet, which led to the ~scuffle~. Have to say that Amy walking away with Ella was extremely 🥰🥰🥰 (This is my research - https://twitter.com/48hours8/status/1218896406020349953?s=21)

’94 – Red card for Tooney. I would assume for her reaction more than anything but the camera didn’t catch it so I guess we’ll never know. I would have thought a yellow would suffice, considering that’s all the Spurs player in question received, but apparently not. 🤔 I’m still kinda confused tbh.

’95 – Full time.

Thus concludes what was certainly an interesting match. Please enjoy this comparison of United vs Spurs chaotic energy from @danieljamesmufc

Also thanks for reading if you got this far, it’s a bit stop-starty and clunky cause I just wrote down thoughts and whatever as they came into my head and then pieced it all together later on. I also just wanna say that I was massively impressed with Smith today. She hasn’t had many chances to prove herself this season, but that combo of herself and Galton down the left was lethal today imo. 🔥

Some extra thoughts:

I’m not a huge fan (like, at all) of fans singing men’s orientated chants. Let the women’s rivalries develop on their own, in their own way, and don’t drag the vulgarities across! That said, I do think that particular group of United fans has the potential to be a very, very good thing.

Also, just wanna say that these are my girls, and I would die for every single one of them. None of my criticism is meant to be intentionally negative, I just tried to be as objective and realistic as possible, without being a fangirl lol. Even my faves aren’t immune to criticism unfortunately.

And this picture is now my favourite thing ever to exist