#[I don't know why I try with my dad sometimes] Tumblr posts
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Family Friend
Prompt: Jack Hotchner is arrested for underage drinking and the first person he calls to bail him out, is you.
It was almost 2 in the morning when you received the call.
"Y/N?" You heard the familiar voice of Jack Hotchnner's voice speak. He sounded small and almost scared.
"Jack?" You sat up in bed, immediately awake. "Are you alright?"
"I did something stupid Y/N. My dad's gonna kill me."
His words were slightly slurred and slow, imitating that of someone who had been drinking a lot. A million scenarios went through your head as you sprang out from under the covers, rushing to put on a change of clothes, holding your cell between your shoulder and ear.
"What happened Jack? Where are you?"
"I'm in jail. They said I could call someone so I called you. I know my dad is out of the state on a case, please don't tell him," he pleaded.
"Honey, I have to, he's your father. But we can talk about it when I get there. What jail exactly are you at?"
Once you were decent, you grabbed your keys and headed out the door.
"Fairfax I think- Oh God, Y/N, I'm so stupid, I don't even know why I was there. I-
"Jack, sweetheart. Don't say anymore, I'm headed to you now alright? Just sit tight."
He sniffled and let out an intoxicated hiccup. "Ok."
Hanging up, you dialed Aaron's number and put it on speaker as you got into your SUV, driving in the direction of the jail. The call picked up on the third ring and Aaron's sleepy voice mirrored your concerned tone from earlier.
"Y/N? Everything alright?"
"Jack just called me. I guess he's been arrested in Alexandria. He's fine, he's safe, but he did sound like he had been drinking. I'm on my way to pick him up now."
"What? Did he tell you what happened?" You imagined that he was doing the same as you, getting out of bed and dressing to catch the soonest plane out.
"No, I didn't want him to tell me over the phone. I can call you back once I get there and talk with him, I just wanted to give you a heads up."
"Thank you. I'm on my way as well." His voice was low and slightly gruff, telling you that he was pissed but trying to conceal it. You'd memorized all of his subtle tone and posture changes over the years of knowing him, having spent the better part of those years as one of his underlings before transferring units.
"Don't worry about it tonight Aaron, I've got it. You've got a case to solve."
Luckily, all of the lights were working in your favor as you had yet to hit a red, bringing you closer to Jack sooner.
"The team will be fine without me. I'll be there first thing tomorrow morning."
You knew there was no stopping him. He was as stubborn as a mule and you honestly couldn't blame him when it came to the fact that his son was just arrested for God knows what.
"And Y/N. Thank you. For being there."
You were glad he wasn't there to see the slight blush creeping into your face at his words as your voice spoke calmly, a strong opposite of what you were feeling.
"Of course Aaron. I'll always be there for you guys."
Your words lingered in the back of your mind after the both of you hung up, silently mocking your lovesick emotions. For years, the both of you had always kept your friendship that of which it was. A friendship, nothing more. As much as you may have wanted it to be something a little more...intimate. There were times you thought Aaron may have felt the same, by the way he looked at you just a second longer than necessary or how protective he'd get whenever he found out you were going out on a date. But he never voiced such sentiments to you, if he had any at all, causing you to bury your own.
It seemed to be the night that everyone was being arrested as you walked into the police station and towards the booking desk.
"I'm here for Jack Hotchner, he was brought in sometime tonight," you stated to the officer. She gave you a once over before typing into the computer, presumingly looking him up.
"Oh yeah. Looks like he was picked up from a neighborhood party for underage drinking. He's in the drunk tank. Hasn't stopped crying and telling everyone that his father is a FBI agent. That true?"
You sighed at the dramatics she described and sighed before answering. "Yes he is, and I'm Special Agent L/N, a family friend." You flashed your credentials, satisfying her interest and continuing on with the process of bail. 500 dollars later and a short phone call to Aaron to update him on everything, they delivered the still very drunk Jack Hotchner to you.
He practically ran into your arms, crying. "Y/N, I'm so sorry."
If you weren't such a sucker for the kid, you would've been giving him a very stern lecture on his reckless behavior. But you were a sucker and all you could do was hug him back tight and speak gently. "You're alright, I'm just glad you're safe. C'mon, let's get you home."
You thanked the cops and left the building, Jack following close behind obediently. Once the two of you were in the car and on your way back, you decided to have a few words.
"This can't happen again, Jack. You know that, right?"
He seemed to be fading in and out of sleep but was coherent enough to give you a nod of acknowledment.
"Just because you're not in jail anymore, doesn't mean there won't still be a punishment. You broke the law and your dad is not happy about that."
Suddenly at the mention of his father, his eyes sprung open in alarm.
"You told him?"
"Of course I told him Jack. He was planning on flying back the minute I told him the news but I managed to get him to at least wait until tomorrow so you can sleep off the alcohol and he can have some time to calm down. You're welcome."
He threw his head back, cringing his face, making you believe that he was gonna start crying again. "He's gonna kill me."
"Well I highly doubt that sweetheart but I'll be there just in case, to make sure the both of you stay calm, alright?"
He groaned in acceptance and you shook your head smiling at his childlike behavior.
- - - -
Using the spare key Aaron gifted to you a few months back, you helped Jack into his house and led him into his room. Flopping onto his bed and passing out almost immediately, you sighed before straightening him out and taking off his shoes, then covering him up with a blanket and turning out his light.
You knew he was fine to be in the house by himself, but still you stayed, taking minimal space on the massive sectional couch and covering yourself with a throw blanket, noticing how it smelt faintly of Aaron. It didn't take long for the sleep to find you.
- - - -
You woke up with a jolt as the sound of the front door closing echoed in the quiet house, sitting up and catching Aaron's eye. He seemed surprised to see you as he walked over to the dining room table and set his keys and briefcase down.
"Sorry I woke you. I didn't know you spent the night," he spoke softly, loosening his tie.
"Yeah, I didn't want to leave him here alone in the state he was in. He must've had a lot to drink."
A sigh escaped his lips while running a hand over his face, his expression looking tired and overworked. You could only imagine the stress he went through being a single father and Unit Chief as well as the toll it took on his mind and body. Getting up, you folded the throw blanket neatly and walked over into the kitchen, deciding to make the both of you a pot of coffee.
"I don't know why he's so out of control lately. Last week the school told me he's been skipping classes and receiving detention on a daily basis."
You figured Jack was still sound asleep considering that it was only 7 in the morning so there was no chance he'd hear the two of you talking.
"He's not out of control Aaron. He's just being a teenager. A teenager that lost his mother and barely sees his father, he's bound to act out a little."
You prepared the coffee, knowing exactly where everything was, having done these motions numerous times before. Some of your best memories with Aaron were ones where the two of you shared a pot in the late night and talked about anything and everything, just enjoying each others presence. You pushed away the momentary thought and grabbed two mugs from the cabinet.
"I just wish I knew what to do," he sighed. "He's getting more and more distant from me and I feel helpless about it."
You turned to face him, settling you hand on his arm, grabbing his attention. "Just be there for him. And tell him that. He'll come around eventually. He just needs to work through the emotions he's feeling."
He didn't answer but continued holding your gaze, a flicker of something behind his eyes that made you subconsciously hold your breath. "Thank you Y/N. For staying." His voice was soft- tentative almost. You watched his eyes glance down at your lips momentarily, the air now thick with tension. You stood there frozen as he took a small step forward, bringing his body closer to yours and his head tilting down to compensate the height difference.
"Aaron.." you whispered, his name almost spoken as a warning, worried that if he crossed whatever boundary there had been, he'd regret it and that would be the end of your friendship.
"Am I reading this wrong?" he asked, his eyes searching yours for an answer. He didn't lean in any further though. Didn't make a move to kiss you but his close presence was plenty. You could smell the cologne he would wear every once in a while, making your head dizzy.
"I just don't want you to regret this later on," you admitted to him, fearing he's end up agreeing with you. Instead, to your surprise, he reached a hand out to hold your cheek in his hand, making your eyes flutter shut briefly.
"The only regret I have is not doing this sooner." He leaned in, capturing your lips in his which you were more than happy to reciprocate. The kiss was everything you had dreamt it be. He was gentle, loving almost, in the way his arm came around your waist and slowly pulled you in. There was no rush, it was just you and him in the quiet house, everything else forgotten about, including the teenager who had unknowingly left his room to walk right into the living room, seeing everything.
"It's about time," he interrupted, making you practically jump away from Aaron.
"Jack." Your response was breathless, Aaron succeeding in taking it away seconds before. "I wasn't expecting you to be up so early."
You turned to step away from Aaron, which he allowed, but still kept his hand resting on your waist, a small knowing smirk on his face.
"Just because you were right about this, doesn't mean you're off the hook," Aaron said, making Jack roll his eyes lightheartedly. You spun to Aaron with a look of shock.
"Have you two been conspiring about me?" You were surprised of course, but also flattered that Jack felt so comfortable with you to talk with his father about his romantic feelings towards you.
Aaron shrugged his shoulders in admission. "Maybe just a little bit," he said, the tiniest of a blush creeping up his neck. "I just wasn't expecting for it to happen this morning, especially after all the chaos."
"Which I'm totally sorry for, Y/N. Thanks for coming to get me," Jack added. You walked over and brought the boy in for a tight hug that he pretended to not enjoy but eventually gave up and hugged you back. "I'm just glad you're safe and hopefully learned a valuable lesson," you spoke, pulling him back and giving him a once over. "Also, how are you up at 7 in the morning? If I had as much to drink as you looked like you did, I'd be dead till at least noon."
He chuckled and ran a nervous hand through his hair, something you noticed Aaron also did on occasion. "This wasn't my first time, Y/N. I've been drunker."
You gasped and looked over at Aaron who could only shake his head in disapproval but ultimately already knowing about it.
You turned back to Jack. "Well this time, it won't be just your father in charge of punishment. I'm gonna have some say in it as well. I know Spencer has an upcoming lecture on the Theory of Relativity this week. I think it'd be very informational for you."
The horrid expression on his face was exactly what you were looking for. "What?! No! Please, not uncle Spence's lectures. I'll do community service, babysitting, anything but that," he pleaded to his father, who threw his hands up in surrender but didn't lose the amused smile.
"I think it's a great idea. Consider that the beginning of the punishment as well. Now go get showered and dressed, you're gonna come with me to run some errands."
Groaning in disapproval, he did as he said and walked off down the hall to his room. You felt the warmth of Aaron come up behind you and pull you in, resting his head on your shoulder, arms around your stomach. "Good idea on the punishment," he praised, kissing your cheek.
You chuckled while moving to face him, a look of jest in your eyes. "Oh, you're not in the clear either, mister. I think I deserve a proper date after the secret scheming you and Jack have been up to."
The gaze of tenderness and affection glimmered in his eyes gave you butterflies and the ultimate need to pull him in for another kiss. You honestly felt like you could kiss the man forever.
When you both pulled away, he spoke. "How about tonight? I'll pick you up from your place around 6? You could wear that dress you've been talking about wanting to wear."
A big smile appeared on your face at his words, excited for the evening. You stayed just a little longer, sharing a cup of coffee with Aaron, giving some drunk advice to Jack before you all parted your separate ways. Knowing you'd see the both of them so soon, filled your heart with joy and the smiled never faded the whole drive home.
#aaron hotchner x y/n#aaron hotchner x reader#aaron hotchner fanfiction#criminal minds imagine#criminal minds fanfiction#thomas gibson#bau team
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YAY I can bother you again! \:D/ /jk
Anyways I consider asking my favorite writers stuff as my therapy, so here I go. (Sorry if this is sudden or traumatizing)
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I feel so bad for saying this but I'm most attracted to any batfam member (adult obvi) when they are at their worst, Bruce and his pathetic angsty ass literally all the time? Let's make a Robin.
Angry Dick with a cheerful facade trying to just be Bruce's equal? Bra is unclipped.
Post pit Jason so angry and mercilless feeling betrayed (any iteration but mostly Arkahm knight) and vengful? Baby I'm yours.
Fanon Tim who is sleep deprived and stalkerish? I'll strip in front of any security camara in Gotham.
Stephanie feeling she needs to prove herself? Please let me top you.
Insecure about his powers Duke? Sudenly I'm a physical meta expert, please show me those abs.
Cassandra thinking she is only capable of damaging? Honey put your hands on me, I assure you it will be anything but unpleasant.
Damian after "accidentally" killing Dick? Hello my name is beloved!
Don't feel bad about it!! I'm just the same and there's nothing wrong with us!!!!!!!!!!
I mean, pathetic wet cats who would just curl in my lap and rant or cry while I indulge them and they become dependent on me and only me??
Battinson is my favorite Batman from the movies bc hello???? I mean I get it why people liked Bale but like???? A guy who's been traumatized for 20 years and got to the point of making an armour to fight against criminals unrelated to the ones that took his parents bc he got so sad that he reflected enough that he came to the conclusion that no one should ever feel like he did, and he would use his entire life to stop crime because people deserved better, even the worst criminals shouldn't die bc they can change or other people might be miserable if they miss him?? And he's ready to die for that!! He doesn't care!! And then he becomes a parent but he sucks at parenting bc he loves them but he never learned how to love?? BABY I CAN TEACH YOU
Jason at under the red hood or as Arkham Knight??? YOU CAN KEEP KILLING PEOPLE IF THAT'LL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER BABE, especially if you keep me around bc we dated before you died/got tortured for months/years, kidnap me, love me, make me yours, I don't think killing your pops is gonna help you feel better, but no nagging will come from me I SWEAR
Fanom Tim being so neglected by his parents that he doesn't think his physical and psychological suffering is important, the fact that he obsessed over his childhood heroes, putting himself in danger, practically deciding that he was going to help them, not bc "I wanna be a hero and I can so I should be" but bc "I don't have much to lose, we all need you, and I want to help you, bc you're all I have!!!" and caring so much that he tries to clone his bff when he dies, and almost dies just to bring his dad and hero back, bc he cares about others more than he cares about himself??? Baby I'm right here!!!!
ANY Damian angst, Damian sad over Dick, over Bruce, over Talia, all while pretending he's just angry, I love him!! Damian that just wants to make them proud!! Damian that wants to be good!! To be on their level!! To be powerful!! To be good enough!! I love love love him!!! I'm with you no matter if you're a hero, a villain, or an antihero!! Damian Wayne, you will always be famous.
Dick swallowing his traumas, his emotions, breaking down at any opportunity, feeling responsible for everyone and destroying himself bc of it!! His relationship with Bruce never being quite the same after he became Nightwing, but they still know, deep inside, that they would come running if the other asked for help, but they never do. And Dick sometimes doesn't even know if Bruce sees him as his son!! And he's sad bc of it, but he can't show it bc how do you tell someone that?!?!?!
Steph thinking she's never gonna be enough, that she needs to prove herself, when this feeling never goes away, bc it's more about you than others? YES YES YES
Cassie!! Don't feel guilty about your past babygirl!!! It wasn't your fault!! You're just a victim!! They even took your voice from you!! Come spoon me and you'll feel better!!!
You're perfect Duke!! You're amazing and cool and handsome and there's nothing wrong with you!! You have the most awsesome powers ever!! Now come here let me look into those brown eyes and lets make out.
Seeing characters that are just so unreal but we can relato to, watch them suffer, feel joy in it!! I'm just like you and you're just like me! Be mine!!
This is about DC, but I'm an invincible, the boys and Marvel fan too. I'm drooling seeing Invincible and Rex Splode at their most toxic or weak moments! I love seeing homelander, soldier boy and the deep being so pathetic that they HAVE TO make it everyone's problem!! On my Winter Soldier brain rot I was constantly going over and over again on the same scenes watching this man be sad and miserable and covered in blood and not having autonomy of his own body and being alone!! Of course I got sad, but we can be sad together!!
Anyway, I love receiving fun and easy asks like that (I'm unreasonably happy that you called me one of your favs), I closed the asks bc I was just feeling I little overwhelmed with anxiety, college, future and the amount of requests I was receiving even if I knew I didn't have to write every fanfic idea people sent me and can just write what inspires me in the moment, be it something people asked, or some inspiration that came for me from another place
#dc comics#batfamily#batman#batfam#robin#bruce wayne x reader#damian wayne x reader#dick grayson x reader#jason todd x reader#cassandra cain#cassandra cain x reader#dick grayson#jason todd#damian wayne#tim drake#red robin#bruce wayne#stephanie brown#stephanie brown x reader#duke thomas#duke thomas x reader#spoiler dc#orphan dc#the signal dc#batfamily x reader#batfam x reader
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If somebody in your life offers to knit or crochet or, really, create anything for you, please be an active participant in the creation of the piece they are making. I adore making and gifting things, but nothing bums me out quicker than a person who passively just goes "okay," to my ideas about what I'm making them - it can send the message that they won't like it, or that they don't care, even if they're happy about my offering. The back-and-forth feedback is a great way to make sure that you are being gifted something that was truly worth the time, effort, expertise, and money that will inevitably go into the gift!
I know it's really hard to be an active participant, believe me, I'm an anxious ball of horror, but it will only do good for both parties to interact in this situation. It is a big deal to be offered a hand-crafted gift, but it's also something we want you to love and use, and that can only happen if you tell us what would make you fall in love with what we create.
#advice#relationships#art#fiber art#knitting#crochet#i always try to remember that some people's responses to something big is to clam up and become more passive...#..i just want to remind you that you aren't in danger of Ruining Everything by suggesting things or asking questions or saying what YOU wan#like i asked my dad specifically how he would feel if i made him items SPECIFICALLY so i could gauge if he would like them for instance#i don't just want to create something i want the recipient to actually LIKE it#which is why i typically (not always) ask how somebody would feel about me giving them a specific gift#i know some people genuinely don't care in the sense that they would appreciate ANYTHING but sometimes that doesn't always translate i gues#im crocheting a set of coasters for my dad and i really hope hell truly like them because i'm not sure based on how he responded to my ideas#it makes me so happy to gift things but it's with the caveat that the recipient will think it is An Amazing Gift That Is SO Good And Useful
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Out of all the people to hate in Pelican Town (cough pierre cough), hating Demetrius seems like a wild choice
#stardew valley#sdv#video games#gaming#this is my hot take#i ascibe a lot of his Bad Behaviour as: it's probably awkward for him and sebastian#there's a small likelihood that sebastian remembers his biological father and sometimes that can lead to feelings of inferiority#also he's a dork and a nerd who likes to go errrrm ☝️🤓#i think he's just a dorky guy who doesn't know how to express his feelings#and he's outright trying to connect with the family#like as a kid of a father who remarried: i can tell when a stepparent is at least TRYING#and not to trauma dump but the person my dad remarried cared WAY less than demetrius does#the autistic demetrius reading is very relatable and explains things with more grace#also that family is not good guys vs vad guys. pretty much all of them are flawed in some way and thats OKAYYYYYYYYYYYYY#maru's family isn't my favourite (do they have a last name like the mullners do??? they're my favourite though) but still#okay wait is alex's family the only one with a canon last name??? huh????????#i'm autistic in a similar way that demetrius is and i feel like i relate with him a lot#and the way that people like hate him for being socially obtuse just reminds me of why i don't particularly like to socialize lol
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Giving a complicated tragic childhood backstory to your favorite character is all fun and games, until you realize you need to account for how old all the other adult characters would have been at the time and realize that scenes that would work perfectly if one character was twenty three and the other was fourteen stop working when you need other characters who are played by adult actors clearly younger than they are to be in college at the same time so your story beats line up thematically.
#Don't worry. I made an excel document for this over a year ago#Was that unhinged? Yeah. But this is harder than you think it is#In unrelated news it is now reasonable to have a child in your 20s 30s or 40s depending on when the plot needs the child#Also people in their early 20s can be in grad school have already established careers and adopt children now. I've declared it.#Also: Hollywood stop trying to trick me into believing women in their 30s are the same age as men in their 50s. It's never gonna work.#I'm fighting for my life to make these age gaps normal even on a platonic level#Don't worry I aged the girls up and the boys down#But still this is a bit ridiculous#If you use the actors' ages it doesn't work. Garrison's actress is 16 years younger than Curtain. Why?#I mean I like the casting. But SQ is a teenager. We know Curtain has had his evil plans at least since SQ was born and lost his bio dad#and if the Whisperer is Garrison's invention that means she and Curtain were working together when SQ was born#If SQ in the show is 16 (the actor was older I believe) and Garrison is 37 (that's how old the actress is now she was younger at time)#That means Garrison was only 21 and Curtain was well into his 30s. And that's after you age SQ down and Garrison up for the calculations#So Garrison was likely (according to the shows' casting) even younger than that which begs the question what was Curtain doing?#Was he spending his 30s lurking around college campuses and high schools looking for a kid whose inventions he could steal?#What in the Marcus Cutter is that about?#All these jokes about Garrison being SQ's uninvolved divorced stepmom but nah she's really his estranged big sister#also this is very frustrating because the irl age gap between the actress who plays Number Two and Tony Hale only 7 years#but they're the ones for whom a 16 year age gap would have actually made sense because he adopts her in the books!#but now since Garrison is clearly so much younger than Number Two Curtain and Benedict I have to deal with this#(Don't worry I figured it out and made the age gaps normal. You just now have to believe Number Two is only a year older than Garrison)#It was the stress of living with her family that aged her and Garrison just looks naturally super young that's what we're going with.#And don't get me wrong:#I do like the actresses and actors they casted they're great but sometimes I google the ages and I'm like oh you cannot be serious#But we've (more or less) figured it out#Rant over#writing#writing struggles#tmbs
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i feel like reading/watching mbf immediately means knowing who i am as a person and... i cannot allow this
#you all know that i can't stand gatekeeping and how that's why i bring up what i like all the time in various contexts#but the surprising thing with mbf for me is that i can't talk about it as freely to people who don't know me#because i can't find a way to translate it without having to offer some crucial segment of myself#i enjoy sharing ideas and thoughts more than anything else but i don't like sharing me the person behind them#because i really cherish my individuality as something important in spite of where it takes me sometimes#i don't want to tarnish it!!!! i don't want even the smallest piece of it to be missing because i wouldn't know what to do anymore#i'll stick to typing out thoughts here and to my mom and to my med textbooks#but i must say it feels strangely refreshing to have something that is only my own this way because i always have to put myself out there#and this way i am not giving anyone the opportunity to twist it into something terrible about me#my spontaneous outbursts might ruin this for me though#letters from stephanie*#i dislike that i can't step outside of my own experiences with this like i usually do because art should be shared#this is suchhh a crazy person post#i think i finally get what my dad means when we fight about how i shouldn't say everything i think all the time#he doesn't want me to filter myself he wants me to preserve who i am from harm because stepping up sometimes won't help#who i'm trying to help but it will ruin me in some way even if it just makes me upset#i think that's how he manages to be calm without betraying himself?#he isn't lying he's just saying what he thinks when it matters and to those that matter#like most of the time i am right to single myself out but there is a particular shade of grey when i shouldn't do it#idk this is literally donna telling the dr YOU CAN STOP NOW.#realistically i just need someone to calm me down when my passions turn against me#overly personal post once again i am sooo sorryyyy look away
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Oh.
#according to facebook memories (why do i even have that still??) 12 years ago today i saw Linkin Park for the first time 🥺#in a few days it'll be 10 years since the last time i saw them#and. hm. there's a lot that surfaced this days since clancy dropped and i'm a bit more emotional / sensitive than usual#and this is. well. making me extremely sad.#12 years ago. i remember as if it was yesterday. i cling to that day so much and i'm scared of forgetting about it#i wonder how 14 yo me would've reacted if she knew.#they were my first gig ever! i remember the 2nd song was given up and the people around us started moshing pretty hard.#so much that my shoe came off and my dad had to shield me while i crawled and looked for it hahaha#it was so fun! i didn't really know that was a thing#that day was the first time they played Lies Greed Misery - it had been released just the day before#my videos are SO blurry but i still have them all saved 🥹#idk i've been in some typa mood these past days. not necessarily bad at all but.#me and a couple friends had a very important conversation 2 nights ago which was GOOD but. the bad thing about letting everything bottle up#is that once you spill it's hard to deal with. and yeah this is. idk. i'm just venting here like. ignore me.#it's just really hard for me. i miss him terribly and i'm really scared for myself because i *know* i'm back in the loop#and it feels so hopeless sometimes. maybe this is super silly but i'm so thankful that Clancy came out now because OH BOY i need it#maybe it's not the best strategy to put so much faith? importance? in like. music and other people but#man. i genuinely don't know if i'd be here if not for certain songs/artists etc#idk I'm rambling lol. i might delete this later#probably. maybe. i try not to talk too much about this here because i tend to deal alone but. sometimes it's nice to send things to the void#anyways. support your favs. talk to your friends - even if you much rather not. don't be like me and let things rot inside.#🤍#darya talks to herself
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Update on my Whumptober thoughts: Not all the prompts will be posted, I have all 31 planned out but I found out that you don't have to post all 31. If a fic is finished, I'll post it but there's some big beasts that I want to write properly instead of rush. Also, I might not even write all 31. I want the completionist title but I don't have the time nor energy to force myself to write all the prompts and I did it last year and it wasn't like life-changing. I like Whumptober because the prompts help my creativity, spark some inspiration (talking about my Delancey Brothers Fic) but the perfectionist in me just beats myself up about not getting enough fics done before October or not writing enough each day to get them finished and then writing fics that all sound the same or the ideas being kind of shitty because I'm forcing them. I want to do my ideas justice rather than mass produce shit I don't like because I feel I need to, it's a constant line I walk between "I want to write something well and that I'm proud of so might be inactive for a while on AO3" and "I want to get this idea out there so need to post a bunch of stuff now"
#also i don't know why i feel i have to update people#i genuinely think that people will give me flack about not posting 31 prompts but calling myself a completionist#or saying i've got loads of fics coming up for the bear because of whumptober then not posting anything#i've made good progress with some things#the ed fic#but others are complete and not how i want them to be#there's a few fics exploring richie's birth family and him reconnecting that i want to do better#or him quitting the bear and becoming a nurse that i want to do justice#or just the fact that all i'm thinking of is my mikey lives au but it doesn't fit whumptober so i'm not writing it#and to top it off#my way of writing is changing from plan a lot and then write each scene in order and do that every day#to not being able to flesh out ideas so just writing down scenes until i get the vibe#it feels less dedicated to me personally#just because it's different and i'm a perfectionist who's too thorough sometimes#also half the time i plan a fic in detail then cba because it's too daunting#so i'm taking a leaf out of scenedenial's book and giving myself more freedom and trying not to beat myself up#that i've got 10 fics on the go and they're all slow going#because that's what i can manage#september is and will continue to be a stressful month for me#got my 2nd attempt at my driving test on 24th september and i'm an anxious wreck#also work on top of that and trying to have a life and let myself chill and say watch footie with my dad or grey's anatomy with my mum#rather than sit at a computer not writing all day#you've got to do stuff to be motivated#also exercise#i'm trying to exercise regularly and there's only so much time in the day when you work 9 hours a week#when did this become a vent post?#personal#kinda
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household enemy to the yyh watchthrough number one is the olympics. it's taken us a week to get two episodes into the gamemaster fight
#out of three. please the third episode's what makes it okay im fighting for my life out here#it is NOT for lack of trying on my part but theres only a brief window of time when the olympics is not happening#and as it turns out the watchthrough is Not my mom's first priority (how dare she etc)#i do feel slightly bitter that we've gotten through two eps of band o brothers in the same time#we are fighting for the same timeslots yet somehow the hour long show's gotten a leg up??#you don't have time for a 23 min ep but DO for a 60 min one?? explain the math to me please#idk how to explain the vague feeling of betrayal bc it Does Not make sense Nor matter in the slightest#but cmonnnn we were doing so well. and my little bro's starting up school again soon and my dad's gotta go back to work#sometimes eventually (<- hes on medical leave) and my grandparents are coming over next week We're Losing Time Soon#ughhh if i'd known the olympics were happening (<- somehow completely oblivious to this) i'd have accounted for#my mom getting whisked away by the land of synchronized divers and shot putters and whatever the hell#happens in the summer olympics (<- only pays attention to winter olys)#bc that always happens. and *i* have to go back to school in Some Amount Of Time Im Too Scared To Check (p sure it's late aug though) and#when that happens i'll (hopefully) be stuck across town which means we won't be able to do it any time besides the weekends#and i don't wannaaaaa#i know this is the least important problem anyone's ever had like i get that i know but#it's important to me that they sit down and watch this with me. and watching it pull apart and being#the one who's easily the most invested it makes me look all desperate when i ask them for their time and they can't give it#we can only pull this off neatly in the summer and we were so close and now we're losing it right at the finish line#i don't want life to get in the way of this little bubble i've fought so hard to make y'know#and it's childish and embarrassing and whatever but i just want them to have fun with me with this thing i care about a lot#but i can't do that bc my mom needs to watch the judo matches at Every weight class#even though she's recording a lot of them? i don't understand but whatever i know it's her thing im just moping about it ig#i want it to be as perfect an experience for them as possible and it's slipping away from me#and i don't wanna leave this project unfinished when i start school y'know. sighh#i think they might feel like i only want them around when we're watching stuff. whcih is weird bc that's like#The Singular Way we family bonded literally my whole life so idk why they wouldn't get that when reversed#but either way that IS how i wanna spend time with them. i want them to understand this thing that's become a part of me#and i wanna talk With them about it. and so far it's been fun in a way it's never been before. my mom at least seems to really like it#and i want it to Keep going well bc if we lose momentum im worried they'll start finding it tedious. sighh
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i don't think i'll ever get over how people treat kids that aren't good in school as worthless no matter what. "oh it can't be that bad" my guy idk how to tell you this but the last time i went to a normal high school the principal called me into his office to brag about how he failed me in all of my classes before the semester was even finished & i should quit while i'm ahead cuz i'm too stupid ("officially" diagnosed as such by a school counselor & a psychiatrist!!) to succeed. & this is considered normal
#''poor teachers!!'' yeah well at least they can fucking quit & go work somewhere else#''okay but times are different than when you went to school in the 1970's'' this was 2016 my guy. shut the fuck up#''well maybe you were a violent & severely misbehaving kid!'' i wasn't. i have ADHD & severe anxiety disorder & depression#my biggest crime was being too exhausted & dopamine deprived to do my homework#my dad talks about how he was treated in school & i'm like damn dude i went through the same exact shit#how is it that a majority of teachers & principals are still abusive power-tripping pieces of shit 60 years later#why haven't things changed#well actually the answer is simple & it's because they want disabled people to disappear#& if abled students that simply disagree with the way things are done get caught in the crossfire then that is acceptable#because anyone not fit to make billionaires a billion more dollars should just die!#anyways here are my original tags from that gravity falls post i just reblogged:#I know this is supposed to be an appreciation post but like. ''for being the ''dumb one'' he's surprisingly rational.'' seriously??#as ''the dumb'' but ''surprisingly rational'' one of my family this is THEE biggest misunderstanding & it drives me up the fucking wall#just because a person struggles in one area doesn't mean they're stupid & should be an irrational dumb dumb idiot baby holy fuckkk#sorry to OP but even when people try to ''appreciate'' stuff like this they can't help but throw in insults#simply because they genuinely believe that ''even though you're stupid you SURPRISINGLY act competent sometimes'' is a compliment#I'm less mad about this & more sad that this kind of shit is still so prevalent in 2024#both Stanley & Stanford are smart & competent & rational#they just show it in different ways & exceed in different (sometimes overlapping) subjects#this is normal for human beings but the big societal scam is that if you don't do it in the way Ford does then you're stupid & a failure#& being surprised that Stan is also smart & competent in his own ways is the biggest sing that you fucking fell for it dude#btw before i get @ ed for this. i WAS that kid#i was so much that kid the school actually diagnosed me with stupid & spiteful & i was told to quit while i was ahead (they failed me befor#obviously this is very personal for me but also i don't think people realize the language they use is on purpose & it's used specifically t#& it's still happening right now & that just. makes me wanna cry honestly#like why are people still surprised that people can specialize in something despite bad grades in school#you know. the thing we all know is literally rigged to either put you in jail or in a factory to make billionaires more money.#man sorry for the rant the original spirit of the post is super correct but like fuck HS grade-centric judging of people's entire character#Stan being able to defeat Bill is just not at all surprising if you were him or knew/know someone like him#or really paid any attention at all to the show while watching it
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it would feel so nice to work towards a career that has meaningful impact and makes millions of people happy
#i follow this person cleo abrams on youtube and she's always talking so excitedly about scientists#and their amazing discoveries cool facts and she's so excited and starry eyed and hopeful#she genuinely just wants to educate people and has so much hope that we can make the world a better place#also like idk maybe unrelated but i saw the mv of new romantics and just. wow#say what you will about her but there's no doubt she's made an insane number of people happy SO HAPPY that they're crying#so many tours#idk i want#i wish my life was bigger#i feel so isolated and always just focusing on myself my career my health my enjoyment#what about everything everyone else#i keep trying to be completely okay with being alone i keep telling myself to not need anyone and be 100% independent#find happiness within hobbies interests#but it feels like a losing battle#i don't know i just. miss everyone 😭😭😭😭#but it hurts too much tbh always more sad than happy always more crying than laughing#i miss my bestfriend i don't know what i did wrong but she won't pick up my call she keeps saying she's busy#i don't want to be clingy because she hates that shit i don't want to drive her away but she's my only friend#i miss my fucking mom she doesn't care if i live or die obviously but i miss just having her presence in the house#and even tho my sister is here she's never fully present always on her laptop working#i wouldn't really say i miss my dad but wow it's been so long since mom and dad stayed together at home it was almost#always miserable but sometimes at the lunch table it was nice#i don't know everything and everyone is moving and changing so fast and i can't breathe under it and it's already september#but this entire year felt like a blur it's like everyone who left took a chunk of my heart with them#and i should be happy because im so close to the exam which will get me out of this house finally be financially independent#like i wanted since i was 11 i could finally start my life#but it all feels so. i don't know the whole future seems black like i can't imagine life past november 2025#how do you imagine happiness if you've never been happy?#and all these feelings are making it so hard to study and studying is so fucking important because if i don't ill be stuck here forever#and i don't want to go thru attempts fail and pass again atleast back then i had a reason first heartbreak‚ not getting to go to college#but what now why now i don't even understand i know objectively i do not have it that bad it's literally better even if i compare to my own
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You ever just randomly get hit with a traumatic memory and you're like wtf (pls don't read this if you're sensitive and stuff this is kinda...heavy???)
I was thinking about a few years ago when I went to drop my brother off to school, I was super sleep deprived cos of uni and it was very early and I walked into the road without looking, about half a second from being hit with a car before they slammed the breaks. And I was so so tired it took me a second to realize what had happened and I looked up and the person at the wheel was My dad..and it dawned on me in that second that had he not been a good driver, and had I been a second too late or even early, he'd have hit me with the car. And the worst tbing was, for some reason I wasn't thinking about how i would have died, I was thinking of how he could have killed me and it would have destroyed him to such an extent that it would have killed everyone else too. I would have ruined my family and it would have been my fault despite not being here to see it happen. And I felt sick and full of dread despite being fine in the end.
Sometimes I think of how my dad has nearly killed me on more than one occasion, and even though things are very much calmer now, and we have a semi decent relationship that isn't as bad as it was back then, I would have changed the trajectory of EVERYONE'S life had I not experienced some miracle. I wouldn't even be here, I wouldn't have ever even seen my sister (or watched her grow up along with my brothers)
And the thing is I don't blame him either, that was actually my fault. It was early and I should have been looking. Sometimes it really Dawn's on me that I must have been saved in some way, even if I don't think of how that often.
#i don't know why im thinking of it now it's been 8 years#i think maybe because mt brother was talking about the car we used to have#and how he'd drive it if we did still have it#sometimes I miss driving in my dad's car#even if he used to shout at us for opening the windows#but we always did cos he smoked.#lol why am i crying wtf#i wish I'd appreciated being a child more even if it was awful#God yknow when you're trying not to cry and your throat hurts?
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Am I still pretty much on hiatus? Yup. But right now, I need to write something to get the feelings out, SO.
Like this post for a positive paternal starter from one of the many dads I have! That would be: Adama, The Doctor, Goliath, Macbeth, Tom Dupain, Hades, Hank, Kratos, Thor, or Joel.
#✦ General || Starter Call / please specify muse! ✦ The start of something new#[negative tag rant incoming]#[I don't know why I try with my dad sometimes]#['differences of opinion' are for things like 'Apples are better than oranges' not fucking human rights]#[I shouldn't have to BEG my parents to see me as a person and to not actively work against my continued existence]#[sorry; I try not to mention too much when I know this is an escape for a lot of people; I'm just so tired and hurt and sad and ANGRY]#[so time for positive dad interactions]
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it would be cool if talking to my mom could help me feel better for once instead of. making everything worse
#sometimes i get so violently jealous of people who have good relationships with their moms#and who can go to their mom with any problem and just get a hug and some good advice#or even just reassurance that it will be okay#like my mom came over for a couple hours and i literally told her yesterday about how depressed i am#and that it's really bad and that i need to go on antidepressants#so why tf did she think i was in any frame of mind to be nagged for two hours straight about logistics and plans for the future#like. i don't have any bandwidth right now!!! for anything!!! take the fucking hint!!!#i ended up bursting into tears and telling her to either knock it off or get out of my house and. well. she left! so#my dad is usually my supportive parent but he's dealing with such bad depression and burnout of his own rn#that i can't really go to him with anything cause he's at capacity and i don't want to stress him out#just. im tired I'm so fucking tired im exhausted there's too much to worry about and she came over and put like twenty more things#on my plate#and tried to pick fights#and i just. idk. i wish i could rely on her. but i can't and i know that and IDK why i keep trying#delete later
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You are not immune to nosey aunties trying to dictate how you live your life and commenting on your life choices...........
#Christmas time sure is a thing#anyways you know how it is#the wishes I received from her were like 'may you be healthy and also have luck in love matters'#auntie I literally cannot tell you how lucky I am in those matters (<- ace aro and single and very very happy about it)#please stop#auntie please stop you yourself don't have children why do you say that I will yet 'change my mind'#anyways my grandma was valid here#she pointed out that there's at least one person who didn't have children in every generation of our family she can think of#and that there's at least one that didn't get married too (sometimes the two intersect sometimes they don't)#so that maybe I'm just keeping the family tradition alive lol#yes yes that's it I'm That Guy exactly#but GOD the gossiping about my dad's twin sister#who also didn't have married and doesn't have children and just doesn't seem to do dating#and about how they 'can't figure her out' and all#leave auntie Ania alone#anyways I'm growing old surrounded by rabbits and my friends and that's final#when my mum gets sad about grandchildren I'll just shove a bunny into her face#anyways I'm feeling like playing Touhou and I miss Miko so I think I'm gonna try to 1cc Ten Desires again#I'm way too rusty to do it just like that but hey#maybe easing back into playing Touhou with a game that's relatively easy and that I've beaten before is a good idea
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buttered noodles 💫💛🍜
#just me hi#it's just a Lot of butter cuz i don't like having pasta sauce w/ parmesan (something wrong w/ that idk hfbshv) so :3#i was thinking of putting garlic in it but idk if that would be good... do i wanna take the risk.. i mean you can't really go wrong with#garlic... Hmmmm....#//oh yea i am definitely gonna switch up my main blog theme ehe :3#and maybe my rb blog's theme too cuz i liked it when the colours were matching lol#maaaybe to blue.. i don't remember if i've ever had a blue theme so this might be the first blue theme ehe :3#i just like to have an Image for the banner so i need to figure out what i'd like that to be.. hmnmnmnmnm!#//alright you know what i'm gonna put garlic in this one second lolll#okay i put black pepper and garlic in it's not too bad :)#prolly shoulda put more salt in too cuz i'm craving it. salt <3#/having spaghetti cuz the meal is actually supposed to be eggs and i cannot have that lol#some people are upset about this! like my dad. and my brother who is making the food lmfsh#i didn't know food was being made i am innocent in this !! probably anyway#like nobody is more displeased by this than me dude. i wish people could actually like. describe what some foods taste like so that i could#actually see why they like them#but you ask and they say 'what are you talking about? it's just egg' but 'Just Egg' SUCKS dude what is Your Egg like. pretty please kfshvjg#and grapefruit? grapefuit sucks but my mom likes it and i can't understand Why#and i wanna ask what it's actually like and why she likes it but she only says 'idk it's good with salt' what does that MEAN#how does the taste change?? how would you describe it before that ? clearly it was good enough before the salt or you wouldn't have tried i#with that!! i just wanna know !!!!!#dark chocolate ?? Please ??? do you like the taste of restrained anger and resentment cuz that's what it tastes like lmao ???#Coffee ??????? i can't understand coffee without a bajillion tons of sugar (+ other things) masking the taste how do you. Deal#not even deal- Enjoy !! how are you enjoying it !!! Why !!!! and why does everyone think i'm trying to convince them it's bad when i ask#LMAO--#like i'm not trying to say it's bad i'm trying to figure out how it's good please. Please Man lmfvshjfvhgfks#okay so clearly i have thoughts on all that LMfvshgjhfs#bitter stuff sucks and i barely like sour stuff Sometimes. food is all around good though so lol 👍#//alr i'm gonna. [starts scooching away]#i am almost out of tags (rip unlimited tags i miss you so bad hfsvh <3) edit: i ran out LMFVHS ; TOODLES !!
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