#[[ and I have to get insurance within in the next 8 months so i can keep taking the medicine i need to survive ]]

[nomaishuttle]

ive got a hyoooooge grocery order in my cart just waiting 4 my next check

[chezsspilledcoffee]

Everything disgusts me and I want to float aimlessly through space. Heavy venting in the tags about trauma?

[woodlandwizard77]

A Step by Step Guide to Losing Your D**k

I recently wrote a series of messages to my aunt talking about all the steps I need to do to get bottom surgery, a penile inversion vaginoplasty at Mt. Sinai, in the next year or two. Its a long list. And everytime I added something she had a sort of “wow thats rough” reaction, but to me its just the to do list. So I decided to write them all out.

Start transition DONE

Most insurance companies and surgeons require you to have socially transitioned and have done HRT for at least 1 year at the time of operation

For social transition, this was March of 2024

For HRT it will be January of 2025

Get a referral to a surgeon (I am here)

In my case, Mt. Sinai in Manhattan

My Doctor referred me, but Mt. Sinai takes self referrals

Start laser hair removal

Book a consultation (I am here)

Go to laser frequently enough to satisfy surgeon

Convince Mom and Dad to help out DONE

Get 2 letters

Social Worker (1)

PCP's Office

Social Worker (2)

Mt. Sinai

Get a gender affirmation loan through the local credit union

Work two weeks so I can take in pay stubs

Get a letter from anybody (probably my HRT prescriber

Meet with representative and either open a line of credit or take out a loan

Consultation with Mt. Sinai’s team

Wait 3-6 months (I’m here)

Bring letters

My insurance only requires 2, less than Mt. Sinai thinks insurance will need, and Mt. Sinai provides 1 of them. Meaning the other is through IHS Behavioral

Schedule Social Work pre surgical consult appt

Schedule Mental Health and Medical Clearance with Registrar

Go to NYC for 1-2 nights, maybe for each, hopefully just once

Maybe also for Social Work thing

Consult with Surgeon

Wait until I’ve worked about 12 months to get short term disability

Probably summer (ASAP) and when Mom has time off

Do logistics

Book an airbnb, hotel, etc for recovery

Starting a few days after OR date and lasting a little over a month

Within a 90 minute drive of Mt. Sinai

Rural enough that Mom is comfortable to help and can go home if someone else shows up

Probably New Jersey, maybe Hudson Valley

Has at least 1, preferably 2, separate bedrooms

Has 2 beds

Has ADA accessible entry

Has a kitchen

Has a full bath, preferably and a half

Has internet and preferably a TV

Lodging for Mom + Dad/care team while I’m in OR

Probably 5-7 days

Preferably with a 1-2 day buffer period before OR date (included in the 7 day estimate) so I can enjoy the city

Either within a short walk from Mt. Sinai or on the same subway line as Mt. Sinai

RW, 1, or ACE

Someone to help me get from recovery location to Mt. Sinai while not in NYC

Develop and get list of items needed for recovery

Dilator

Pads

Gowns/loose clothing

Comfort food

Coordinate missing 8-9 weeks of work

Take care with who knows what before I leave

Inform HR, department manager, and work friends whats up

Get cleared for surgery and get an OR date

Probably a 6-12 month date from clearance

Get pre clearance testing through PCP or a lab in hometown

Go to NYC for that if need be

Week Before Surgery

No alcohol, no aspirin, NSAIDs, herbal supplements, or fish oil

Consult for other non aspirin blood thinners (which I am not on)

No alcohol for 3 weeks after as well

Tylenol/Acetaminophen is okay

Go downstate

See friends from NYC?

Bring Mom/Dad?

Do something fun in Manhattan

Get a COVID test

Take an anti-bacterial bath

Day before surgery

Breakfast before 9am

Last meal

Drink Golytely bowel solution around noon

Chemically induced diarrhea

Clear fluids only after golytely

(includes coffee, tea, water, broth, some juices)

Nothing goes in the stomach after midnight

Some medication okay with a sip of water

HRT???

Get surgery (a penile inversion vaginoplasty)

1 to 1+½ days

I’ve heard of as long as three

3-5 day hospital stay

Mom and Dad probably stay in Manhattan then

Go to recovery location

Drive with seat reclined

Stay for 4 weeks, pretty much bedridden

Go to follow ups

Dilate

Go home

Continue recovery for another 2-4 weeks at home

Follow up with PCP

Return to life

[answersfromzestual]

How long into transition did you have to wait to get your bottom surgery, and was it covered by insurance.

Also what is it like to walk around and live day to day with it, is it uncomfortable

Hello,

I got my phallo in three surgeries, my first surgery was four or five years after I began hormones and officially spent 2 year living as my desired gender to be able to transition. I am from a place where I had government funding but I had to be on a wait list and it took 5ish years to finish. But generally they try to have people go into the next surgery around 6-8 months later. I am pretty sure the hospital forgot about me, because once I emailed them I was waiting I was in for surgery two and three were done within two years. So from transition to final surgery it was 6ish years.

It feels really weird at first, especially when it's super swollen after surgery. Until you get more sensation it kind of feels like you are wearing a prosthetic or something where you know it's there but don't quite feel it yet? If that makes sense. It took time to get used to, to find the right underwear to wear, getting used to sleeping in different positions. Now I've been done at this point for a long time, I know it's there, it's got a lot more sensation so I know when it's cold, wet, hot, being pinched, etc

Sleeping can be the most annoying thing besides learning to use the restroom. I feel like the feeling of "this is weird, a good weird though", to "darn I need to adjust". It is not uncomfortable but it is an adjustment to your life so when it comes to wearing clothes you have to be careful how your penis is fitting in your pants, you don't want to be bulging, or showing too much (tight pants and certain colours can make you seem bigger).

I hope I answered to your satisfaction.

I hope you enjoy your day and have a great weekend.

Thanks for your question. Feel free to ask again.

[honted]

I hope it’s okay I send an ask asking more detail about what’s happening with your eyes and what kind of treatment your getting. I really hope things work out as your treatment goes on 🫂 I’m a visually impaired person and I also suffer from extreme light sensitivity; my eyes get worse every year, considerably so.

If you don’t mind bending my ear, I’d love to hear more about what you’re going through. Struggling with vision is extremely frightening.

(And if not that’s totally okay!!! I understand not wanting to talk to a stranger too deeply about something so personal!!!)

of course 💕 a mixture of genetics and chemotherapy have caused me to develop a limbal stem cell deficiency in my corneas. that means they're scarring faster than they're healing and those scars are stacking on top of each other, causing my corneas to be rough and irregular.

your corneas get little micro scratches just by virtue of having eyes in a world full of particulates. and having hands.

putting the rest under a read more because it turns out i had a lot to say ↓

your problem may be something similar. my suggestion would be to see a opthalmologist, stop wearing soft contacts if you can, and go hard on artificial tears. preservative free if you're using them more than 3 times a day.

i do not think you'll need to do everything i talk about below if yours is taking years. mine deteriorated like they did within a few months. i had 3 different glasses prescriptions from november to june and then my eyes stopped being able to focus with glasses at all. this isn't to say your experience isn't just completely awful to have to go through, moreso that you have hope 🤲

for the past month or so i've been using 2 different kinds of preservative free eye drops (Systane Ultra PF and Refresh Celluvisc gel, which require me to buy boxes of single use vials for both) 4 times a day each (8 times a day total), but in these last 2 weeks i've been on gel eye drops 3-4 times a day + antibiotic drops 4 times a day + antibiotic ointment at night.

my next steps are to move on to an eye drop brand called miebo, which can be bought OTC in Europe but only just got FDA-approved here in the US and requires a prescription. and is like $760 without insurance. after that, they want me to look into scleral hard contacts which will both improve my vision and create a pocket of fluid over my corneas. these require getting fitted and the soonest they could get me in was late january they also cost like $1000~ per lense and i have 2 eyes but whatevor 🙈

[deadlifts-and-deadlines]

Today is day two of the ice storm.

The first picture is how thick the ice was when I scraped off my car around 1:30pm yesterday. I haven’t been outside yet today, but it’s been raining most of the night and it has been hovering around freezing so it might not be too frozen out, but it is still slick. Picture two is Ender’s decorated cookies; he went over to Mimi and grandpas for a cousin cookie party yesterday afternoon - perks of living in the same neighborhood as our family. One of my SIL’s makes a massive batch of sugar cookies every Christmas and just kind of doles them out over the next few months for the little kids to play with and decorate. They aren’t edible, but they love to decorate and it keeps them busy so I approve, lol.

I am tired AF and feel like I’m running on fumes. No appetite. No solid poops. The stomach and chest pain has subsided significantly though, and I actually felt pretty good once I got up and going yesterday. It sounds fake, but working out and getting moving in the early AM helps me so much. I can’t really do CF of anything heavy or cardio intensive during these times, but light lifting and bodybuilding style workouts seem to energize me. So I usually work out, shower, try and actually get dressed, clean the house up a little, eat something small, and then I can usually trick myself into feeling well enough to keep going, or I go down, but at least then I accomplished something for the day.

I take Stelara on Saturday, but if I have another night like I did on Sunday night I will probably take it sooner. I don’t think a couple days will make a huge difference in the scheme of things but it does mean the difference between me getting really sick for a few days. I refuse to go to the ER within the week of an injection, I’m not paying for that even though it’s cheaper for my insurance to do it this way then just… give me the dosing I need. I would legit just take the shot early. I’m a little nervous though because my prescription for the next 8 weeks hasn’t been released yet… and I have still heard nothing from the GI or insurance so I have no idea what’s going on. Usually I have the next injection within a couple weeks of having to take the first. So I’m a little nervous I’m getting taken off of it. I guess I should call and find out; I’m so sick of spending time on the phone dealing with this shit - honestly it is a full time job on top of being chronically sick - another full time job!

I’m going to figure this out though. We’re getting closer, but I truly never thought it would be this long and complicated of a process for me. I don’t know why. I think I just thought that as soon as we got a diagnosis we’d know what to do. Now it feels like the more we try the more we find out is wrong with me 🤣

[lifeinkinder]

We are headed to our 3rd doctors appointment this week, this time for Squish.

Baby girl spits up 10-20 times a day. At least once within 30 minutes of her bottle but usually more and at least twice within 2 hours of her bottle but also usually more. Plus sometimes the fun spit up in the middle of her bottle. And sometimes that fun spit up where spit up comes out of her nose. And I worry that she's aspirated.

We went to urgent care Sunday for that exact reason though they put the visit reason down as spitting up and the PA said I was just a concerned first time mom. Nah ma'am my baby went completely stiff when spit up came out her nose and she wasn't crying like she usually does and I cannot guarantee she didn't stop breathing for a few seconds. Plus the patient advisory line with her insurance told me she should be seen because of the potential that she aspirated and because I couldn't guarantee she didn't stop breathing for a few seconds. She's done the spit up coming out her nose before but never tur completely stiff not crying thing. Even where the twins are concerned, I don't generally overreact. I mean one of them is medically complex I've grown pretty familiar with when I need to be worried and when I don't.

And I know she has reflux and she's gaining weight so there's no need to be concerned. But she has so many symptoms of severe reflux and I refuse to accept that it'll just be this way for the next year or so. At least without further investigation to make sure that's all it is.

Because I switched to a low lactose formula and I feed her sitting up and she's upright for upwards of an hour after each feeding and I don't bounce or rock or jostle for at least 45 minutes and literally nothing has changed. In fact her spit up continues to get more frequent.

Little Man went to the local cardiologist today. Nothing new to report. Nothings changed since we saw his primary cardiologist 10 days ago. Local Cardiologist says full repair surgery at 3-6 months primary cardiologist says full repair at 4-8 months. So sometime between now and December he'll have open heart surgery. I'm hoping I can get his primary cardiologist to nail down a more specific timeline when he sees her in 11 days because yall that 6 month range is killer for planning purposes when I'll have to write lts plans and take fmla and figure out what to do with squish and how to balance baby in the cardiac picu and baby who is fine. Especially if his surgery happens during rsv season since she'll be in daycare and my students will be a germy mess.

[rowingupstream]

Since everyone is listing health insurance fuck ups, I have lost about 12k over the last decade due to paperwork errors by others that I didn't catch before the "too late to correct" deadline. This included the doctor getting my insurance info confused with another person and billing the wrong company, so it was denied but I didn't receive notification it was denied, the doctor not billing the insurance company at all despite me checking every month to see if it was done yet (for 6 mo; I thought I had a year but it turned out it needed to be submitted within 6 months for an on the job injury claim - after 6 mo I told them I'd file it myself but when I went to, they said I was too late.) They also canceled my insurance twice for non payment when it was actually paid - once I argued with them for most of a year with appeals, etc and they paid me back, once I had to pay in full for the medical care recieved in that period. I also set up my autopay with them only to have it never draw for 8 mo so I had to pay manually every month and call them every month trying to fix the problem. My meds can be $300 (after ins) one month and the $20 the next mo for some reason, but they won't tell me how much it will be when I order them.

Compared to others I've had it pretty good, but yeah, I still dislike the entire system pretty thoroughly.

[the-firebird69]

This concept he says takes some imagination you need to put yourself into the shoes of someone who has one of these cars and wants to make it into a different one I'm having trouble with it cuz I can get a car I want

Mac daddy

It's like the guy who has not a snazzy but it's a decent four-door sedan so he's dreaming it's Christmas the next day and he'll have the Porsche 4-door car which does not look like a regular car and within like that we can actually create a hull or a shell and people might want this this isn't and they said that they do and you put the Porsche body on it and tires and rims and interior and your your dad wakes up with your father wakes up and goes down and is looking outside for the paper or something and he sees his little boy out front staring at a big but looks like a wrapped car in paper so he says no way I got a car and they said oh we better go see so they're all going around the car and say there it is so he pulls it off and he is a static and his face and he has almost tears and he says how did you pay for it he said I have my money and it wasn't that expensive and he wants to know where and who and he's saying this is ridiculous opens the door and tells what model it is what kind of motor how fast it goes and his kids are sitting there watching him and their mouths are open there's a two guys two kids are 10 and 8 and the girl who is 7 and she's shorter and really they're staring at him their mouths are open and he's going over the technical stuff and it's coming out and he's pushing and putting his hand lightly allowing the lines of the car the whole thing over and over and so he comes back to the wife and he's sweating a little and he says okay how are going to pay for insurance and he says the stock model and let's just lifting off the insurance amount and this is what people are like by the way everybody of ours we're talking about our people too this is a dream because we can't have a Porsche but we can have a Chevrolada and people should get that but so the girls come up and ask them what do we need a car to go so fast he says if you need to get away from people and she says like secret agents so they're running around the car yelling it and he comes up and has a serious conversation with wife and she says it I couldn't give up the other car this one would have been too much it says well that's okay looks down and he feels real bad and looks up and says Merry Christmas anyways and she says here's the insurance a month since what are you talking about who's is it and it's only like I don't know how much and he's reading it and he says $100 and it says Porsche 2023 or whatever the one designed before this one and so it says 2022 it's a 2022 or whatever they call that four-door and list what it has and then he's reading it says I don't understand it you're saying it's not mine it's yours your car it's your car and it says then how is it so cheap he says it's also a Porsche and he says knock it off and she says it's a Porsche and I had someone turn your car into a Porsche he says what about the motor in a panic and he knows where it is and he's trying to open it and she says you know how to open it it was right and opens it up and looks and it's a Porsche motor at least it's a replica and they're like 12 cylinder for a car and you put the Porsche headers and stuff and valve covers and he's saying what did you do and he can kind of see inside the engine compartment it looks just like his Chevy Malibu and he's smiling and saying who did this and she says you're the one who introduced me to this company down the street he said that right there is a winner everybody should have one this is a free country.

So in the end a have the portion in the background in the whole family's together and they say merry Christmas everybody and it has all terrain tires the guy says...

Those commercial would only take like 8 minutes or someone said 6 minutes for something like that cuz you're a flipping from scene to scene.

That was our son and our daughter and the capturing kind of what it's like the men are fanatical about it and the women love it but they don't say it. And they're running around the car screaming with secret agents kind of shows it. I've seen this a lot of times and it's heart wrenching because I know what's going in the area and what happens sometimes and yeah of course retracts attention Porsche attracts attention but these cars wouldn't it be everywhere and you can do them up real nice but I will say this is a great idea for a commercial for one of our kit cars for a Porsche and we're looking for actress and actresses and people to fund making this Porsche because a regular sedan with a 350 and you put a new body on you keep the engine and you have a details kit that goes with it it makes it so much faster and investors too and we need a factories in the perimeter it would go originally a sedan Chevy Malibu about 180 but we put the Porsche kid on it goes about 280 mph they're very very fast and you have new tires rims suspension and the engine has a top end and the exhaust it stays where it is and most of the wiring you leave in place but it would be a full kit for all the panels and it would look almost exactly like one mostly though it would have your stock car color which is amazingly cool when you when you start thinking about it we can all you can also paint it in the spray paint you can buy anywhere and it needs a bunch of coats and a bunch of gel you can buy that too hey did you just tape it all off it's not that hard so what we're saying is this is the idea of of his except the Porsche attracts too much attention and the idea is to have a snazzy attractive sports car and it's a dream to have something that handles nice and rides nice and looks great and to be able to have it with the force you can't necessarily have it it's a small niche where's the market for this car is gigantic

Thor Freya

It captures the moment okay because they would do the same thing if you took the Malibu and you put the wide body kit and I know what they're saying the wide body can't you put in a panels and the rounded and shaped in there the tire is like zero tolerant and it's good news and it would still look like a Malibu but a super Malibu but you could fit in with it and that's what the saying but not a Malibu that's it would be their brand it's an awesome idea I might invest and start a factory and have it so you come and watch yours being assembled and he says we would start with chassis that are already built and that's wonderful right there so I get the idea too you can change it up from the beginning they have certain chassis and brands and they're very similar so they use a different mold but it looks like the same thing all over the world the vehicle would look the same a Chevy to a Ford to a Dodge it would all kind of resemble it very closely was in a half inch mostly and it's true it's exacting I don't have any time to tell you how wonderful this is so he says that we should start with some kind of prominent car like his son said if it is his son that's what we say and that's the Dodge neon or something as cars like that and there's a Jillian of them and you make a kit to go to a like a rally sport and then a super sport sedan and then you make one to go to a sports car two-door that's super car and a hypercar all the same car and the kids would change as you go up the once you go from a sports car four-door which becomes a two-door and at that change it would be a mid-engine change too or you can wait which makes more sense and to do that change later and you do the change at the supercar but everything in the kit would always be the same from chassis to chassis it would have their brand like the Bradley GT did it's kind of a poor example so damned old but they have some kids like the saline they're different models and the different chassis but everything on the inside was always the same meaning you can order different styling but it's always like the saline kit car it was never anything outside of it she establishing what it is and that it is a special car but all that stuff is inexpensive and it's all done on purpose and he says in the he wants to partner with me somehow and he knows how to do this he's done it a few times you make it really inexpensive and possible to do but you have to make it work and Dave's car weren't and his car the Vader is one of the most successful kit cars in history they say it too this car has become more famous than any car almost that's been on the road and right now and they're making them and really is for higher-ups people can't get these things this is a car that a captain is having trouble getting and their friend here says this is a decent business and we know who makes it it's not us

I'm told that they're not really making them anymore and they have too many requests so it's a company we can take over and the headquarters is in North Carolina which is not bad and we can make fast cars out of sedans like the Kia the one Lori had it's white stinger that's the one and it's really fast okay that's a fast car and I want to do it he says I'm assuming I'm a shoe in and now we're getting a call from Stan and he says he wants to do it but I know I can make a ton of these and I'm ready to do that and there's some modifications I'd make our friend came up with a few ideas and me too and to make a few bodies he says you go to a different plant you don't make it a different kit car in the same plant and that makes sense then he said that that size car and it's not really huge but it's not small would fit the Ford mustang and it would fit the Chevy Camaro those cars are dogs and they actually need to make these right now for reasons that are tertiary it's a great idea and I might be able to get Trump to make a deal or allow us to and he says oh and have your money it's like Brewster's millions and it's laughing and he says I get that so he'd be the Brewer but then he starts trailing off and it doesn't really get it the foreigners would get it makes Shaquille O'Neal when it right for it so he laughs and says oh I see it's our f e m and that's right so you don't have to take it over but we'd like to make them he says this is wonderful but it doesn't believe it but it's a good idea and his guys will probably buy them which is fine it's motivational and we probably allow it because the max would be interested in those now he says I don't give a damn but we'd be fighting over it and we are anyways this is I can't make a deal with you to make them and my grand nephew says why not you're suck usually faster and easier to build and you guys could probably actually put them together and now he's laughing and saying that's true but he hasn't done that kind of thing with us on purpose so it's going to suck again so he says we can make them and the company is not is the people that stuff their dick up your ass and said you're a piece of grass and have your people in the wall and I want to get them made and what better way to do it than people that they are having you fight because or with us we have a secret you think you can come and take it I don't think so and that would provoke your interest which is now flat like soda that's been shaken up so he's going to think about it I think it's a great idea this is a great car it's a terrific idea and it has its own look and the Polaris still sucks and still go slow and we can still use that and we can make a woman's car and that's what we could do we can start with the woman's car and it'll Force protect and that would be the conversion from the Polaris it's very fast and safe you're in an actual cage versus these cars which are just made out of metal this you're really not protected by anything except a thin layer of metal and a thin layer of metal which is partial it's really crap there's nothing to them

We're going to go ahead and start one of these I'm tired of listening this guy just never doing anything only causing problems and trouble and headaches

Mac daddy

We going to see how the war goes before we do anything and he says go screw and I'm sick of it let's hear from my people

Trump

Yeah we don't want to hear that anymore we're tired of him doing it we're tired of him doing it for the empire it was sick of his s*** and he's a slime ball a low life and he wants to win because he's doing nothing and things people are afraid to fight and he's not doing anything and he's a huge chicken s*** and we need him out of the way this is one way to do it and I don't think that the pseudo empire can put the bill on it I do know that if we start making them he'd be up there at the plant what you say is who cares it's Darth Vader and we get that too but we have our version this is okay I do too and it's us and it is it says so let's have a Darth Vader meeting what are they really anyways the generals and that's what they are and different levels so we're going to have a Vader meeting and with the kit car people and I wouldn't prove until the car and certain models that have pep power that is because it's going to be for upper echelon and plans to make a full car and people from the kit car company can transfer over into a permit car if they like that car and we like your idea and we're going to go ahead and call them up you have a bunch of them and we'll see if they're interested and they say of course and they know what it means that's right no shore leave. And it makes sense but really we're going to go forth with it

Thor Freya

Yeah I might do that head them off the pass perhaps but really we're busy building stuff I get what he's saying we can build the fly car version we need those and it's a better idea but tracks a lot of attention and maybe that's why they're not making it this other idea won't attract that much so he's going to ask them to think about it really if you attract attention right away and you can't go anywhere it's no good in Shaquille O'Neal says he can't drive his down the street and switch the time right now okay so that would have been good to know

Mac daddy it says it's back to his idea and starting with cars we can do that with and to put them on a chassis and even the the two cars from Australia and to modify from there it's already got it like it's a sign together it's like an Audi you look for something and I get that and then it would be gravitated up we're going to go ahead and try and put something together and the really small ones you can use he says a mini the fits are too small and it's true

We like this idea we're going to go talk about the Vader because people still drive them around and we're not afraid of it and they're not either and they'll say that it's us and they'll try to attack people and will lead them off quickly

Thor Freya

We need this kind of thing and I'm a Vader and I'm going to do it

Frank Castle hardcastle me too I want my little Vader the original Polaris it might just start making them they're ordering tons and he wants us to do that I have a meeting with the other vaders and then set it up with Thor and Freya first and then get permission and we're taking over factories you know where it is it's in the upper Midwest it's like a month away and it really is and we really shouldn't bring it down there and it says we should I don't know what you think about Trump I started get something we're going to have to do that we need to build actual defenses and the max would stop them and they want the car

Hardcastle

I got to get in there and do this I'm looking forward to this fun we're going to have eventually I don't know when two years from now it's not happening yet

Hera

I was taking a damn long time I'll tell you that much

Mac daddy

Olympus

We do want this car we think it's a great idea for them to make it they'll make it better and faster and use cars that actually go fast the last car was ridiculous even though it went fast and I'm going 200 mph it's like 20 miles an hour faster it's so stupid

Macs we bought a lot of them anyways cuz it's his design now we see what's going to happen these things are going to be fast and they'll handle and they look like fly cars so what kind of going to try and help it along and we'll be in the plant

Haha he says he's standing next to him and he has his hands on a panel and you smelling it his hands making a Mr Bean look good Lord is awful to them thankfully

Olympus

Anyways we're going to have a good time with this one

Hera

[jodilin65]

Today I am not as energetic as yesterday. I'm not sure why since I slept 7.5 hours and got a good sleep score. I did wake up a little more so maybe that's why. Overall, however, it does seem like the new bed could be helping because in the month that I've had it, I've had 8 tired days not counting the time the storm woke me up and then when the power went out. I normally have about 12 to 15 tired days within a 30-day period. So unless I'm just having a good month, it could be helping.

Today I'm going to be making stuffed mushrooms for the first time. I'm going to mix spinach and cheese in olive oil with bread crumbs. I'm also going to make us burgers when he gets up. Doubt I'll get around to trying the fried banana recipe today. I got some rainbow trout but I don't know if I'll have that today either.

My insurance company kept their word and I got my $100 Visa card for letting the nurse come to the house.

Went from Orchard Park to West Seneca, New York.

Irma was nice enough to surprise me with a message asking how Ray was doing and how my health was. I was wondering if anyone was ever going to take the time to reach out to me first and not message me only because I messaged them. She's probably more curious about what Ray's been up to than my health but that's okay. I told her he left in the middle of the month but probably isn't going to put palm trees in the middle of his boring yard because it would prevent visitors from parking on the gravel alongside the driveway. I also told her that my health is good as far as I know although I do still struggle with fatigue.

Just being prediabetic can cause fatigue. I really hope to hell I never end up diabetic but if I do, maybe it will motivate me to eat healthier as it did with Andy. I eat healthier more than I don't but I still have too much sugar at times. Even skinny athletes can become diabetic, though. Genetics is a big factor and it definitely runs in my family.

I still have that cramp in my lower right stomach. When you don't have a gallbladder the bile is dumped directly into the liver and I think that could be what I'm feeling although I don't know why it would take a whole year after having surgery. I did read that some liver conditions, including cancer, can cause pain to come and go but I just can't see it being that. Lab work is scheduled for the 31st so I'll find out soon.

Read an interesting article on the link between violent nightmares and the onset of autoimmune diseases. I've always had nightmares on and off but I definitely had a ton of violent nightmares when we were in Jesse's trailer around the time I suspect my thyroid crapped out on me. I attributed most of them to my psychic side warning me of trouble ahead which there certainly was due to the recession. Maybe there was more to it, though.

I wouldn't call them nightmares, but I did have some unsettling dreams last night. In one, I witnessed a murder and pretended I hadn't seen anything. Although the details are hazy, it seemed like I had a couple of roommates who were killed by intruders, leaving me unharmed for some reason. Acting oblivious, the killers insisted I travel with them to the northeast, promising to let me return afterward. We made the trip, and I hoped they would keep their word and let me go.

In the last dream, we lived in a typical neighborhood but you could still only have no more than two dogs per household. We had a one-story house, but next door was a large, old two-story house. I had wandered through it when it was vacant, so I knew what it looked like inside. A large Black family moved in, and while they seemed nice enough when we met, I was still worried they might be noisy.

One day, I peeked through the stockade fence surrounding their backyard and was shocked to see at least eight adult golden retrievers and twice as many puppies. When the woman living there found out I knew about the dogs, she seemed worried and told me to ignore it. I assured her it was no problem as long as they didn't bark, although I secretly intended to report them.

[reenajohn]

have been so long so much have happen

so have been busy with all my doctors appointments in hospital and what not

just wanna say im sooo grateful we met and bringing miie here and there for all my appointments

so he noticed my weight loss without any reason nor any intention to lose weight and also my fainting episode that keep getting worse tbh i get my smart watch not cos i workout but cos i know have those episodes happening now and then but not as close i just wanna know how my heart beats going like is it cos blood not pumping right or something that’s why i get it. any way he saw the weight loss and figured it out something was wrong i was 1st being send to government hospital cos of my fainting but well they just put miie at the side walk give miie IV bag took my blood for test and told miie nothing wrong my bf told miie to take the report back to him he will find his friends (doctor) to read it no way u r ok when the fainting happen two time just within hrs apart as i asked for the blood test report they told miie i can get it in health app the next day i was like ok i when home in the middle of the night they dont even keep miie till next day even tho i told them im alone no one there to pick miie up great … the next day download my blood test results and send to bf and he send to his friends and straight up his friends call back tell him that red blood cell count is very low and is kinda low nutrition and he scold miie for not eating right as i only eat bread most of the time and so he keep asking miie to eat better and everytime we meet he will get miie real food like chicken meat and what not but well fainting episode still happen and his find his insurance friend to get miie a full body check up in private hospital, all the blood test and also put camera in miie to see if any inside problems turn out blood test shows i have hyperthyroidism and his doctor friend suggest us to get test from government health care as this way the bill will be much more cheaper then private health care so of i go to government health care he took miie there and 6 trip there to get miie to a government hospital health care system and now finally getting it monitored and also get miie to eye specialist as i was complaining eye pain pretty frequently and this illness will affect my eyes too so eye specialist have to check and monitor on my eye. turn up my ex bf who poked miie in the eye like 8 years ago is caseing my eye pain as it scar my eye and have not healed up since then doctor told miie to keep it moist so it will not hurt cos when ever its dry the scar kinda open up like how ur skin get cut and is opening up as and when u rubbing against finger and it don heal well when that happen so keeping it moist helps to keep it close hope it will heal soon so i have appointment with eye doctor 3 month after and some how my grown a bump on my eye lip and i ask to get it fixed before my birthday since i have an appointment right before my birthday and on the same day the doctor remove it with a small surgery as miie to rest for a day so now the bump is fix when for a review today and found that my the other eye is growing one too and she helps miie to get it out straight away not letting it turn into a bump and she told miie all good now will see miie in like 6months time so great now my next appointment is my hyperthyroid doctor appointment this most likey will be on going for longer as my thyroid still not stable yet as my dose of medication when down like 1 months ago how my next blood test appointment will not go crazy if not im sooo going back to my old dose yup will updated again if i have time any way my weight is back so i guess im doing well i think. 🤔

[teddyextrapaw]

eidolon’s gender diaries: 7/6/2023

i thought it might be fun to document my medical transition here! i may even show photos of myself when relevant. today was just intake, though, so no need yet.

so. ive known i was trans since i was 11. came out to my entire family and school at 13. and ive been wanting top surgery and HRT the entire time

however i was super mentally unstable in my teen years, trauma, abuse and mental illness made it a hell of a struggle to stay alive. i was drowning and the possibility of testosterone making that worse concerned my mom.

we tried to get me on hormone blockers, but the guy i saw was a transphobic dickwad and deemed me not trans, even tho i thought i was a binary trans man at the time. he said i was just hormonal and sent me to the womens ward to go on birth control

ive been on just that, birth control, for 8-9 years now. my periods cause me severe dysphoria, but honestly it was not even sort of enough to help. it was a bandaid solution to a bigger problem

over the past 13 years of learning and growing and figuring myself out, ive come to love my body and identity the best i possibly can. but as my mental state stabilized yet my dysphoria stayed consistently horrific and disabling, i realized i might have to make the jump and start gender affirming care

it was scary. my dream has always been to be gender non conforming. ideal gender presentation for me is like... beard, makeup, long hair, no boobs and a dress. lol. tho tbh, clothes wise i dress different all the time. but u kno

given the bad experience with the highly acclaimed gender specialist at 16, i was highkey terrified but my experience at the lgbt clinic i went to today was literally insanely positive

first off, my doctor is trans. they are not 100% sure on pronouns yet, but they do not identify with their assigned gender. love it! they are super passionate, kind, and caring. they love to say “beautiful” when they mean “great” (i.e. “do you know about xyz side effect?” “yeah!” “beautiful :D”) and theyre just... so cute lol.

i got my blood drawn for tests on diabetes risk, blood cell count, and testosterone and estrogen levels. i just got it drawn for other health issues recently so thankfully that lessened the amount of bloodwork. i haaate bloodwork.

i also had to sign So much paperwork so my doc is not legally accountable for if i misuse the meds or dont like the results. he wished he could just give me testosterone today but that and the bloodwork needs done first

im a little afraid of the lifestyle changes ill need to make, namely with making sure to exercise more as there is a higher risk of cardiac arrest and similar issues on testosterone but staying in shape can help lessen it. but i think itll be good for my mental health in the long run, and a good motivator

next week i have an appointment where we will do everything and ill get my first prescription of testosterone... shakes like a chihuahua in excitement

also, apparently my insurance is very lax about top surgery and i may be able to get it within the month. at the latest, within the year!!!!!! my bmi/weight does not matter and i got a recommendation of a surgeon i was already impressed with the results of!!! hes done a lot of top surgery for “obese” patients and it all looks amazing

im literally so excited. i honestly thought i might not live to see the day i got to medically transition... but here we are :D i lived!!! i lived bitches!! im 24 and i have a long life to continue!!! and i will be so much happier and my body will feel like MINE!!!!!!!!!

[teethandclawsxx]

vent. big one . probably warning for medical stuff but ultimately i dont have the brain for tagging so read at your own risk LOL

in a violent and killing mood btw. my sheets dont stay on my bed for long and usually it wakes me up . but this time it didnt and my phone got slid up under my shoulder and mustve turned the alarm off like as soon as it started bc it didnt wake me up either. and tomorrow i was supposed to have a test done but i have to drink like 2l of barium for it (it just says two bottles but skerples did a similar test and it was 2l) and it has to be done within two hours but every time ive even had to drink like. 2l in 8 hours for tests i end up projectile vomiting bc my stomach gets so overfilled it just comes back out the top end bc the stuff takes hours to pass into my intestines. thats literally what the doc told me its caused by. so idk how they expect me to be able to drink 2l in 2hour. and ive got other labs to do on thursday and idk if the barium will effect that but ive already rescheduled it once day of and now im gonna have to do so again bc theres No Way im gonna be able to do it bc im not going to be able to sleep again before then and i cant eat after midnight but i also am not going to be able to eat BEFORE midnight bc its already 9 and my stomach is upset from being stressed about sleeping too long n bc when i got mad abt it dad started yelling at me and then he was like well yall tear me a new asshole when i get mad and i was just like well no. we tell you to stop yelling At Us when youre mad but we dont even yell at you. youre just yelling at me and telling me not to be angry. pointless and not the same. plus i normally cant eat for a few hours after waking up ANYWAY so mby the time i would be doing the test itll be like. ~20 hours since id eaten and that just isnt going to work. so i gotta reschedule it again but like in the next couple months im gonna lose my insurance bc im unemployed. but im unemployed bc im too sick to work so i NEED to have insurance but who cares if i live or die ig 🥴 and they said the main test they want to do will probably be 6mo after the barium test (its to check for crohns) so its not like im gonna be able to do it anyyyywayyy i just hope the labs on thursday come back quick enough. she said it could take up to a month so im scheduled to see her again like. 7/14 i think sonim just hoping that i still have insurance then and she can diagnose me with SOMETHING even though i doubt it and also that i still have insurance and can get my next 3mo of t but tbh even if i do have insurance i probably cant afford it... i already knew i probably wouldnt be able to stay on it longer than 9mo but id hate to have to stop after just 6 literally only bc it still costs like $65 WITH insurance (idk why bc like. my first set was only $5. the only difference is the newer set has preservatives but idk why it has to)..... basically. fuck

[bell-arina271]

Day 8 of Building Elsa’s Ice Palace

I’m so frustrated. I’m sleeping too much but not enough. Since I can’t get the uninterrupted 7-8 hours of sleep, I sleep for longer and will conk out for almost 12 hours. But it’s not full “sleep”, just like a bunch of naps strung together, so I’m still tired and don’t feel refreshed or anything. It’s really frustrating and I hope I can get some answers soon.

I scheduled a home inspection for next week, hopefully that will be good enough as far as time goes. You need to get everything done within a certain time period according to the contract and for everything to close properly. Will put it down in my planner just in case.

I had to gulp down a shot of coffee to try to keep myself awake for this. I just need a homeowners insurance quote, then I should have all my stuff in order for the house. After that it will be a case of just biding my time and trying not to buy anything until the sale closes lol.

Whoops, wait, spoke too soon, I have the official documents I need to send to my lender. Pic of my driver’s license, and then my pay stubs. Got a lot to do before I relax lol.

Thankfully they don’t really take too long, just a few minutes. Answering all the questions for the home insurance quote takes longer. I’ll hear back from the people by tomorrow at least.

For now I can jut finish up a couple chores and supervise the pups. They’re warming up to people, so look like our socialization strategies are working.

I spent the day finishing up chores, and shopping for tableware and dinner sets online. I have a good theme going if I want to stick with the Elsa Ice Palace theme, but I’ll need something different if I end up going with the “white royal” theme. I need to appeal to a wider audience for this particular venture, right? Plus it needs to be something that looks good year round. Maybe I need something “neutral”, furniture and accessories that kind of work for both ideas.

I found the absolute perfect table set that works for both ideas- but it’s almost $2000 and I can’t make any major purchases before the close of the house. I wouldn’t mind, but there’s a limited quantity and only a few left. I’ll just have to keep my fingers crossed and hope they’ll still be there by next month.

Today I spent hours shopping and bookmarking. I’m so picky for what I want and it’s hard to find the exact taste and style I’m looking for. But I found the major things I want for the main floor of the house- bed frame, the dining table and chairs, a couch and a TV stand. I haven’t even looked at washing and drying machines and fridges yet.

I can’t buy all the furniture I want right away, because furniture is expensive, but I can at least get the limited quantity ones- or those that are on sale or clearance, before they sell out. Stuff that will make the house GORGEOUS and make people WANT to stay there, you know?

But of course, that’s only assuming people will be traveling to my area anyway. It’s not a super popular city, and travel is expensive nowadays. Maybe I’m too late to cash in on the hospitality hype lol.

Well, at least my house will be pretty and I can take nice pictures. That’ll count for something, I’m sure.

[billgenbrough]

So, uh. It's almost 4 AM. This situation is giving me so much anxiety that I can't sleep, and it's also flaring up some medical issues (some of my physical health problems get worse with anxiety) so this is fun. I can't take any melatonin because it makes me sleep for a minimum of eight hours and takes about two to actually kick in, and I have to leave for the appointment in six hours. My mom (who drives me because I don't have a license) says that traffic shouldn't be too bad and that she'll "probably be home an hour before we need to leave," but also, it's fucking Chicago we're talking about, so who knows what the traffic will be like. "There won't be that much traffic at 8 AM" That is a fucking lie, that's like one of the busiest times of day for business commutes.

I'm going to have an aneurysm or at least pop a blood vessel (if my anxiety-induced ailments don't take me out first).

Like I could text my psychiatrist's nurse at 8 when they open and be like "Hey, can we reschedule this to a video call next Monday instead, my mom had to unexpectedly go to the airport because my sister's flight got moved from Saturday to today," but I don't want to risk the cancelation fee (if you call within 24 hours of your appointment, you have to pay like 25 bucks or something like that) and my mom would throw a fit if I did that without telling her (again, she's my driver).

My mom told me about a week ago to just start scheduling the public disability aid transportation (called the "show bus" in my area) for my appointments because "they accept rides from anywhere in the county," but I highly doubt that's actually true (I don't live in the same town as my doctor's office, and I know a lot of public transportation systems like busses don't go out of city limits) and it's also a thing where you have to pay for each ride (my mom says my insurance would pay for it because "they did in the past," but that was a different insurance company and also had insurance-contracted personal drivers do it, not the fucking public show bus, but I digress) which I wouldn't be able to do two to four times a week (I'm not sure if it's one payment for a round-trip or one payment each way, but I usually have one appointment a week with another appointment every month) because I don't actually have income (working on getting disability again, but I'm most likely going to miss my appeal deadline—again) to consistently pay for the bus until further notice.

So yeah, I'm losing my goddamn mind (and the contents of my stomach) from the agonizing anxiety this is causing.

I have a doctor's appointment at 11 AM (have to leave around 10:30) but my mom has to be at the airport at 7:30 AM and the airport is two hours away in a super busy city

Chat, do you think I can make it to the appointment, or should I text my doctor to reschedule

[cocochannel00]

The Azoff Family: A Case Study on one of the Music Industry’s Most Connected Families

(ft. a breakdown of the Grammy voting process and problems)

This is very long so I will try and split it up into categories for everyone (sorry I got carried away- I spent like 2 hours writing this) but enjoy!

*Disclaimer: I want to preface while the majority of this is based in research, some parts may be speculation. I don’t know the family personally so I can’t tell you what goes on behind closed doors but I can tell you how parts of the entertainment/music industry work. I’ve had 5 internships in the industry (one in marketing at one of the big record labels) and the rest of my work is publicity (what I enjoy) and events and a former advisor used to run in the same circles as Irving Azoff (and he spilled some tea last year) I’m not out here to diminish the hard work of any artists or their teams, I’m simply here to showcase parts of the industry that aren’t always shown.*

Please also see: Story Time: How Fan Pages Directly Impact Columbia Records Decisions and Harry Styles Image

IRVING AZOFF: NEVER STOP THE GRIND

Let’s begin with the great business man himself Mr. Irving Azoff Irving Azoff is the literal posture child for connections and power in the music industry (he was also inducted into the 2020 rock and roll hall of fame class which is like a huge fucking deal for a manager to be inducted so you know he's the real deal)

In conclusion, I love Irving Azoff and his drive.

Irving Azoff: Early Years Run Down:

He came up middle class (dad was a pharmacist, mom a bookkeeper) in Danville, Illinois

He dropped out of college to run a small Midwestern concert-booking empire and managed local acts in the era

Opportunity came knocking and he got the chance to manage the Eagles and the rest is history

He's one of the best negotiators and has negotiated business on behalf of stars like Stevie Nicks, the Eagles, and Jimmy Buffet

Azoff has been an incredible manager and his drive to always advocate for his clients while basically not giving two sh*ts about what people think of him has gotten him the incredible reputation he has today.

All of Irving Azoff’s Major Job Positions:

Former President MCA (major label)

Former CEO of Ticketmaster and executive chairman of Live Nation Entertainment, the behemoth formed from Ticketmaster’s merger with Live Nation.

In 2013 he and Cablevision Systems Corp. CEO and New York Knicks owner James Dolan formed a partnership, Azoff MSG Entertainment (Currently still CEO)

----> Azoff also ran the Forum in Inglewood under Azoff MSG Entertainment after MSG purchased it in 2012 (it was sold in 2020 to the owner of the Clippers) — why do you think Harry played the forum for the Fine Line show? Azoff connection

Azoff MSG Entertainment encompasses all of the other companies including Full Stop Management, Global Music Rights (performance-rights org), and the Oak View Group (arena developing company)

He also is the co-founder and manager of the lobbying group Music Artists Coalition, a group that helps lobby for artists-rights issues such as royalty rates, copyright issue and healthcare insurance (see he's not all bad)

Essentially what I'm getting at is this man knows anybody who's anybody. He's the man you want on your team to help promote your music, plan your tour, and get you on that Grammy nom list.

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JEFFREY AZOFF: THE CHILD OF NEPOTISM

So for those of you that don't know, Jeffery Azoff is Harry's current manager and the son of Irving Azoff (the third of four kids). He's currently a partner at Full Stop Management, the company owned by Irving and the one artists such as Harry, Haim, the Eagles, Kings of Leon, and Meghan Trainer are signed to.

Jeffrey graduated from the University of Colorado's Leeds School of Business and started working fresh out of college at his father's old Management company (Frontline Management) working under Maroon 5's manager Jordan Feldstein (the only way you get that kind of internship/job as a 21 year old fresh out of college is if your family or family friends gives it to you). He worked here for 5 years.

Direct Quote from Irving Azoff to Jeffrey (really tells you a lot): "Listen carefully, because I’m going to say this one time. You have a phone and you have my last name. If you can’t figure it out, you’re not my son."

After working for his father, Jeffrey moved on to the talent agency CAA (Creative Artist Agency) where he worked for roughly 3 and half years before joining his dad in forming Full Stop Management in 2016.

While he was at CAA, Irving moved over clients like Christina Aguilera and the Eagles to the talent agency to help with tour booking instead of doing it internally through LiveNation (he was CEO).

Even though I'm sure Jeff has had to work somewhat hard to get to where he is (or at least to mess up his dad's work as he doesn't seem like the type to take laziness well), the door into the industry and every job was basically handed to him on a silver platter.

Not to mention if you watch episodes of keeping up with the  kardashians (like myself) you can actually see Jeff hanging out with kendall and the rest of the fam at their Palm Springs house (you know you're a nepotism kid if you have an in with the Kardashian crew). Invite me next time Jeffrey!!!

Think of the Azoff's as the mafia family of the music industry, you don't mess with the mafia

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THE GRAMMY AWARDS: STUDENT COUNCIL ELECTIONS ON STEROIDS

Ok so here's where we’re going to get into a bit more of the speculation/grey area. I don't need to tell you that award shows are corrupt (See the Golden Globes Emily in Paris scandal) and the Grammys are not an exception. Think of the Grammys as one big student council/government elections where despite the fact the teachers tell you six times to vote for the best candidate, you're still going to vote for your friends even if they aren't the best.

A simplified break-down of Grammy voting:

1) Recording Academy voting members (artists, producers, musicians- anyone involved first hand with the creation of music; All voting members must have been producers, performers or engineers on six or more tracks of a commercially released album (or 12 or more digital tracks) and record labels will submit nominations in various categories to the grammys (songs need to be released commercially between October 1 of the previous year and September 30th of this year). You can also become a voting member by either winning a grammy or being endorsed by a current voting member (hint hint)

2) Once received, the recording academy with have the academy of trustees and its reviewers organize them and approve any changes to the 30 categories/fields (aka they can add new categories or remove old ones; so no best ukulele album of the year -- this is where things get funky)

There's speculation that during this stage when these special groups of 8-10 people are organizing genres, there's an "unwritten rule" that you need to be careful what album you green light (especially for famous artists) if you don't want them to win) (Rob Kenner said this- he used to be on one of these committees). Famous people tend to get more votes from clueless or lay Academy members that don't know the specialized categories or don't care enough to listen to songs that aren't radio trending.

3) After the nominations occur, Voting members begin their first voting. Members can vote for the four general categories of record of the year, album of the year, song of the year and best new artist and a maximum of 15 categories, all within their areas of expertise. Now the interesting thing is that while these are the guidelines there is literally nothing stopping them from voting in whatever categories they want (i.g. a rapper voting in the opera category despite not listening to opera). Theses ballots are all tallied and the top 20 entries are determined in each category (funky moment #2)

In 12 of the 84 categories those top 20 go to the ballot and it's done; for the rest it’s not like that. 59 categories including the big four go to a "nomination review committees" (identities are protected so they can't get lobbied... sure) who take a look at the top 20 and narrow it down to 7 or 8. (these are the special committees the Weekend talked about when he was snubbed). They're supposed to choose the nominees "based solely on the artistic and technical merits of the eligible recordings" which lets be real if that was the case Watermelon Sugar (along with most of the others in the category) I don't think would have been nomimated as they are very generic pop (none of them are special... sorry to the WM lovers out there).

This committee is basically held to THE HONOR CODE SYSTEM... I mean tell me when the last time the honor code system worked in literally any scenario (literally wtf). Don't take my word for it though the former CEO of the Academy Deborah Dugan (a queen) filed a complaint against the Recording Academy basically claiming that the nomination review process was rigged (she was fired after 5 months on the job).

Quote from Deborah Dugan "Members of the board [of trustees] and the secret committees chose artists with whom they have personal or business relationships... It is not unusual for artists who have relationships with Board members and who ranked at the bottom of the initial 20-artist list to end up receiving nominations."

These review committees can also exploit there power by adding up to two nominees that don't appear on the top 20 list to the final voting ballot (except in the 4 big categories - which watermelon sugar that one wasn't nominated for)

They also have craft committees for like non performance stuff (like album notes, engineering and arranging) that don't even get voted on by the academy voting members

4) After all of that fucked up mess, the grammy's decided is ok, the ballots go back to the voting members for the final vote. Deloitte (an accounting firm) then counts all of them, seals them in envelopes, and delivers them to the Grammy award show.

** The Grammy's just announced this year they're removing the "secret committees" so let's see how things shift in the next couple of years**

So obviously I'm not saying this to discredit Harry's nomination or his win as Fine Line was in the US top 20 albums for the majority of 2020, however, we must acknowledge privilege. Harry has a big name to him and a huge following, and while all of that shouldn't be taken into account, it does. He also has the Azoffs, a very well connected family with friends in lots of places that would be able to put in a good word here and there to get support behind Harry. Harry won best pop solo performance for Watermelon Sugar in a category with Doja Cat, Justin Bieber, Billie Eilish, Taylor Swift, and Dua Lipa. Look at the names there, the songs (ya'll can try and remember them cause I'm too lazy to write it out) and tell me that those top names with all of the music produced didn't get there through some connections.

Do with all this information what you will and if you are interested in learning more about the entertainment industry on your own Endeavor (owners of WME, a big talent agency like CAA) is hosting a free online program called the Excellence Program to help guide the future generation of industry executives. The program is a-synchronous and starts on July 12th. Highly recommend giving it a go if you're interested!!!

Alright ya'll that's it. Feel free to message me with your thoughts!

Extra Sources if you'd like to read:

https://www.vice.com/en/article/pkdndn/how-grammys-voting-actually-works-and-where-the-alleged-corruption-lies

https://www.grammy.com/grammys/awards/voting-process

https://www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/music/story/2020-11-05/irving-azoff-eagles-manager

https://celebrityaccess.com/caarchive/jeffrey-azoff-exits-caa-to-launch-new-management-company/

https://www.rollingstone.com/pro/features/grammy-awards-secret-committees-945532/

https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-news/grammy-awards-eliminate-secret-committees-voting-changes-1163887/