#[ locking in for drafts again but someone liked this post so im Feeling things about The Fallen again ]

[elasticbeach]

Please tell me you are writing a part 3 to the breaking up with Shanks and it ends with a fluffy happy family

Part 3/ Breaking up with Shanks but realizing you still have feelings for him

Yall I didn’t even realise that I haven’t posted this 💀 this has been sitting in my drafts for waay too long, anyways thank you all for all the positive feedback, I feel like this part is written better than the first two. Anyways enjoy reading!

Warnings: None

Part 1/Part 2/ Part 3

You were standing in the kitchen while your little girl was having her usual afternoon nap, you were baking muffins just because, everyone loves muffins right? Actually your nerves were driving you crazy with every passing second and baking seemed to ease your nerves a little. Your mind raced with questions. Will there be a knock on your door? Or will the door be smashed entirely? Will he take your baby away from you? Will he even show up? Did he get scared and just decided to dump you entirely? Too many questions plagued your mind and while you stared outside the window deep in thought a knock brought you back to reality. Your head snapped at the sound of gentle knocks and your heart started racing. Slow steps getting you to the door, standing in front of it you were pretty sure your heart would explode as your heartbeat hammered loudly in your ears. Slowly you opened the door just to reveal the old lady next door. At this point this whole situation slowly started driving you mad. You had never experienced paranoia like this and had no idea how to deal with anxiety like that. After the lady left, you went to check on your daughter. She was peacefully sleeping in her crib, kneeling down next to her you brushed a few of her red locks out of her face. She really went after him, huh? you thought. Life still did not feel real, even when your daughter was born. you still felt like that young girl who just wanted some love and adventure. tears formed at the corners of your eyes, you miss him so much, it hurts.

A few days later you were laying on the beach trying to enjoy some sun while your daughter slept under the small tent you put up. Your mind did clear a bit at the ocean breeze and the warm sun tanning your skin. You almost fell asleep yourself, till you heard it "PIRATES!!" someone screamed in panic. You quickly sat up and looked at the horizont, that’s when you saw it, his ship. The ship you spent years on, before settling down. You quickly put a robe over your body and grabbed your daughter, you didnt even bother standing uo or trying to flee. Just pressing her against you and closing your eyes, anticipating the worst. A few minutes passed, you were too afraid to open your eyes. You heard steps approaching and thats when you opened your eyes. "Long time no see, ____" you sighed to embarrassed to even look his way. You heard him coming closer. "Please dont take her from me.." you whispered in a weak voice. You heard him sit down next to you. "I would never." he said in a serious tone and thats when you finally looked at him. His face carried a frown while his eyes showed sadness. He was hurt you could tell, tears formed once again. "Im so sorry..I really am." You said and sobbed. “Shh” He immediately started calming you down while rubbing your shoulder. You sobbed again before sniffing and calming your nerves a little, you looked at Shanks again. “You’re still just as beautiful.” He said with that smile of his, no mischief or lie in his eyes. It was the first thing he decided to say, nothing about the daughter and not how mad or disappointed he is but this. He called you beautiful, making you tear up again. He chuckled “Stop crying, you always make that funny face when you cry.” That made you chuckle a bit making you sniff and carefully hand him his daughter. Without a word he took the little girl looking at her little face. The little girl was inspecting her father for a few seconds before crying and wiggling, scared of the unfamiliar man. “I���m sorry, should’ve called earlier.” You started as he handed you your daughter with a light smile, as you started rocking the infant you continued to speak “ I was just so scared, I didn’t think it was necessary. No, that’s wrong..I was sceptical if you would even care you know? And it was just nerve wracking, because what if you took her from me??” You started sobbing troughout half of your monologue. “Calm down now you two crybabies.” He interrupted you with a smirk. “How come the two most important women of my life are crying because of me?” He chuckled a bit, again loosening the atmosphere again. “I’m sorry” You repeated, sobbing and wiping your tears with your shoulder, still having your daughter in your arms. Her crying stopped by now and she was inspecting Shanks from a distance now. “It’s okay.” Shanks says smiling at his daughter and then at you. “Must’ve been scary going trough all of this alone?” Shanks asks and you nod. You two spend up to three hours talking about casual stuff, him telling you about the adventures you missed. You telling him everything he missed of his daughters life and said daughter warming up to her daddy enjoying his company.

“I’ll walk you to your home.” Shanks said as you started packing. You didn’t even try to protest, because you know you want him to. You want his affection and attention, want him to stay. Forever. “Thanks” You flash him a smile before laying your daughter in her crib and the two of you start walking. And this image of the two of you, it brings you peace. It feels so normal, so natural. You probably look like a normal family walking back from the beach, everything feels so right, if only it had been like that since the first day. Your thoughts are interrupted by his voice. “So how are we handeling this whole situation?” You shrug, really not having a clue how to answer “I’m definitely not taking the two of you onto the ship, that’s way too dangerous. Just stay here, I will visit from time to time. You should call me more often, I want to hear more about your life. Maybe we aren’t lovers anymore, but we should at least keep in touch, we do have a kid together.” He chuckles after the statement, most definitely hiding how he actually feels, you know him too well to not notice. “Yeah, sounds good.” You reply, because you know that it’s over for the two of you. Even if he still loves you how could he possibly still want to be with you, a liar and coward that doesn’t even know what she wants.

Back home you bathe your daughter together and then you rock her asleep. As you slowly close the door to the nursery and walk to the kitchen he’s already waiting at the door. “Well, I think I will get going for now let’s meet tomorrow again, with the crew as well.” He rubs his neck as he speaks “I thought you were staying dor dinner” your voice getting more quiet troughout your statement. “I can stay??” He seems surprised and happily sits down at the dinnig table. You smile a bit and start preparing something small for the two of you. Dinner is nice, you talk a bit here and there but it’s mostly quiet, not an awkward quiet more of a enjoying each other’s company quiet. You would look up a few times, looking at his strong hands as he cuts the meat or how he licks his lips after each bite. You would lie if you said you didn’t miss the way his hands touched you or the way his lips kissed you and licked-. You stopped yourself right there, these times were long gone. You shoud just stop thinking about him in this way, he’s just the father of your daughter, you ex-boyfriend that YOU broke up with. “You alright?” You look up a bit confused. “You haven’t touched the food in like a minute just staring at it.” He looks at you just as confused. “I was just lost in thought, sorry.” You crack a smile and keep eating. You two finish eating in silence and he helps you clean up after.

“Well, see you tomorrow then?” He says as he steps over the door step. “Yeah.” You look up at him. You two look in each others eyes, seeing the desire, the love for each other. He leans down and presses a quick kiss on your cheeck. “Goodnight” He smiles. “Goodnight.” You smile back and close the door, you lean against the closed door and slide it down smiling like a fool.

The next morning you woke up a bit late. Your daughter was crying all night so you didn’t get all that much sleep. Rubbing your face with cold water you hear a knock. Drying your face and walking over to the door you slowly open expecting Shanks. As he looks upon your figure he immediately notices your tired appearance, while you still wear your Pjs. “You alright?” He asks as he steps inside. “Do I look that bad?” You chuckle a bit closing the door behind him. “No, not really. Just a bit..worn out.” The two of you chuckle. You lead Shanks to his daughter that is still asleep in your bed, since she refused to sleep away from you. “Look at her, didn’t let you sleep all night and now she’s snoozing away.” You smile at his statement, seeing how lovingly he looks at his daughter. “I wish I would’ve seen more of her and you..pregnant.” He looks over at you. You two share neutral expressions as you look at each other, both of you unsure how to handle the situation. You look down at the floor and sigh. “Look, I’m really sorry about everything-“ “Don’t, I understand.” He interrupts you. “No, please let me finish. Just listen to me please.” You sigh again and start talking. “I did NOT know of my pregnancy when I left and that wasn’t the reason I left. I just always dreamed of domestic life, but I also always knew that with you it would be impossible. But I don’t know what’s gotten into me when I left I was I don’t know..” You take a short pause to swallow the lump in your throat. “Maybe it were the pregnancy hormones or whatever but I need you to know that. I still love you and never stopped, I thought it was the better thing for me to leave and try to forget you but how could I? You are the love of my life Shanks. I don’t know if you could ever forgive me for taking your daughter from you, but I just need you to know that I love you. I never stopped loving you.” Tears stain your cheeks by the time you are finished and when you sob and look up you see him standing in front of you. The two of you fall into a long embrace. Hugging each other, with you just crying into his shirt. “Now calm down, I never stopped loving you either.” The two of you keep on hugging. He then pushes you away a bit just to capture your lips in a long kiss. You never felt so much joy in your life as his lips touched yours, everything else didn’t seem important anymore and you just forgot about those months of separation in this moment. You two parted for air and looked into each others eyes when suddenly a crying noise from your daughter captures your attention. “I will take care of her in the living room, get some sleep.” He smiled and wiped some of your tears. “I love you Shanks.” “I love you too.”

Repost are appreciated <3

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

Hi, 👋 I’m currently in a writer’s block but also trying to note down some writing exercises to get me into the groove again. Do you have any exercise tips for writers?

PS: I just heard a cover of My Immortal (original song by Evanescence) and immediately thought of Good Omens. My brain is also connecting every song with Good Omens. Help!😅

Anyways, I hope you have a fantastic day/night whenever you’ll answer this!😊

HELLO ANON MAGGOT HELLO IT'S THE NIGHT AND I'M ON BLACK COFFEE AND YOU HAVE PICKED THE RIGHT PERSON TO ASK I'VE BEEN INHALING BOOKS ON WRITING FOR ALMOST AS LONG AS I'VE ACTUALLY BEEN WRITING.

OKAY NOW LISTEN YOUR LIL EARS UP. I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU SOME EXERCISES, AND THEN I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU ADVICE FOR WRITER'S BLOCK. GOT IT? KAY LET'S GO WRITERS.

FIRST, WRITING EXERCISES.

NOTICING. NOTICING, NOTICING, NOTICING. LOOK AROUND YOU AT THE THINGS YOU SEE, THE PEOPLE YOU KNOW, THE TEXTURES YOU FEEL, THE SOUNDS YOU HEAR, EVERYTHING. AND THEN WRITE THEM DOWN. JUST KEEP DESCRIBING. YOUR BRAIN MAY NOT BE ABLE TO COME UP WITH FRESH MATERIAL RIGHT NOW, BUT IT CAN DESCRIBE THINGS. A BONUS, THIS WILL REALLY HELP THE QUALITY OF YOUR DESCRIPTIONS, SINCE YOU'LL BE ABLE TO PICK INTERESTING DETAILS AND KNOW WHAT TO LEAVE OUT.

STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS WRITING. THIS MAY BE A BIT HARDER, BUT JUST START WRITING ABOUT WHATEVER COMES TO YOUR HEADS. ANY THOUGHTS, PUT IT DOWN. DON'T BOTHER ABOUT THINGS LIKE PUNCTUATION OR GRAMMAR OR SENSE. JUST KEEP WRITING WHATEVER ARRIVES. IF THIS GETS HARD, YOU CAN MAYBE FIND A PROMPTING WORD TO GET YOU GOING. A BONUS, THIS WILL TRAIN YOUR WRITING TO BE MORE SPONTANEOUS AND NATURAL RATHER THAN ARTIFICIAL OR MANUFACTURED.

WRITE WITH A PURPOSE. PICK ANY INCIDENT FROM YOUR LIFE, SOMEONE ELSE'S, ANY INCIDENT WILL DO AS LONG AS YOU HAVE ENOUGH DETAILS OR CAN COME UP WITH THEM. NOW WRITE THAT INCIDENT DOWN THE WAY YOU WOULD DESCRIBE A SCENE IN A BOOK, BUT WITH A CATCH: FIRST THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO CONVEY. FOR EXAMPLE, IF THE SCENE IS JUST YOU BURNING BREAKFAST WAFFLES, COME UP WITH DIFFERENT PURPOSES. FIRST WRITE IT WITH THE PURPOSE OF CONVEYING YOUR CLUMSINESS TO THE READER. THEN REWRITE IT WITH THE PURPOSE OF DEFENDING YOURSELF AND BLAMING THE FAULTY STOVE. THEN REWRITE IT WITH THE PURPOSE OF CREATING A SENSE OF FEAR AND AN ATMOSPHERE OF HORROR. THEN REWRITE IT AS A COMEDY. A BONUS, THIS HELPS YOU FOCUS YOUR SCENES AND KNOW WHAT DETAILS TO GIVE ABOUT AN EVENT TO SERVE THE SCENE'S PURPOSE IN THE STORY.

OKAY I'VE GONE ON A LOT IDK MAYBE Y'ALL WANT ME TO SHARE MORE WRITING EXERCISES? SOME I'VE LEARNED AND SOME I COME UP WITH IT'S ALL WILD. IDK LET ME KNOW IF THAT'S SOMETHING YOU WANT. I NEVER SHUT UP ABOUT WRITING ONCE I START.

AS FOR YOUR WRITER'S BLOCK:

LEARN MORE. ROBERT MCKEE SAID IN HIS STORY THAT WRITER'S BLOCK IS MORE A LACK OF INFORMATION ABOUT YOUR STORY AND YOUR WORLD. DO MORE RESEARCH ABOUT YOUR WORLD, CHARACTERS, STORYLINE, ETC. TAKE THIS WITH A PINCH OF SALT I DON'T WANT YOU TO GO DOWN A RABBITHOLE OF RESEARCH AND NOT WRITE.

REVIST THE STORY AND PREMISE. ASK YOURSELF WHY YOU HAVE WRITER'S BLOCK. COULD IT BE BECAUSE THE STORY NO LONGER AFFECTS YOU AS DEEPLY OR IT ISN'T AS IMPORTANT TO YOU ANYMORE? ARE THERE THINGS YOU NEED TO TWEAK SO WRITING IT IS SOMETHING YOU CARE MORE ABOUT? THIS ISN'T ALWAYS THE CASE BUT STILL. IF YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR STORY IT'S UNREASONABLE TO EXPECT ANYONE ELSE TO.

WRITE SCENES OUT OF ORDER. OKAY, THIS IS HOW I FINISHED THE FIRST DRAFT OF MY DEBUT NOVEL. I JUST WROTE WHATEVER SCENE I FELT LIKE WRITING AT THE TIME. DURING THE SECOND DRAFT I REWROTE THE ENTIRE THING IN ORDER. BUT THIS WAY I KNEW I CARED ABOUT THE SCENE I WAS WRITING AND IT WAS AUTHENTIC. JUST SOMETHING THAT MIGHT HELP.

THERE ARE MORE BUT IG THIS POST IS GETTING LONG I HOPE THIS HELPED ANON MAGGOT GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR WRITING!!!!!!! IM SORRY THIS IS IN CAPS LOCK IT COULDN'T BE HELPED. HAVE A LOVELY DAY AND MAY YOU WRITE MANY WORDS.

PS: ALSO MY IMMORTAL JUST REMINDS ME OF @patoslover'S CURSED MY IMMORTAL X GOOD OMENS FIC NOW HELP

[sleepyrxsetea]

im finally posting some writing!!!!

the two characters in this are from the story im writing with my friend and these two characters are in a qpr in the story! i one day was feeling angsty however so…i wrote a thing where they both have ‘amnesia’ of sorts where the don’t remember each other but feel strong deja vu when meeting again :)

later i think im gonna post a part i wrote of the story with them (and it’s a part I spent way too long on for a rough draft)

but, for now, please enjoy! (its also a bit rough please bear in mind and also really cringe. im really bad at writing this kinda thing)

Adrastus stared at their bed. Why did it look so empty? Why did it feel like something was missing like a pillow or a blanket or maybe even someone to help fill the space?

A tear slid down their cheek as they continued to stare. This has never happened before. Not even after he died. It never looked empty or felt empty. He slowly let himself down on the bed and sprawled out on it to try and fill the space but it still felt not right.

Someone was supposed to be with him, but who?

He continued to lay there and look at the ceiling. The more he stared the more he felt empty too, like a piece was gone. Not that he knew what piece that was. 

After so long that his room became dark, he launched himself forward and for a split second they thought they saw someone. Dark blue hair tied into a braid.

Blood red eyes that softened the moment Adrastus saw them. 

A small smile that crinkled the corners of their eyes. 

A smile they knew.

Who was it though?

He didn’t know.

He slowly forgot about the person he saw. His bed still felt empty and after more and more time passed he felt like he was swimming through a void, but what was he to do?

He went for coffee before his shift weeks later, a small place with cheap coffee only a block away. He never went there, always something drawing him to go anywhere else, but in a time crunch, there he found himself in the small shop. Booths full of sleep deprived college students and friends just having a chat. No line though, thank god.

He placed his order, no matter where he went, always the same drink, an iced coffee with almond milk and hazelnut syrup, and waited. It wasn’t a long wait but he still sat down to satisfy his aching knees.

“Adrastus? Did I say that right? Sure hope I did.” A soft voice came from the pick up counter. A soft voice that felt comforting and like they’ve heard it a million times before.

Adrastus didn’t know what was going on with him. First his bed feeling empty and now this voice. He slowly made his way over to the counter.

“Adrastus?!” The voice said again and Adrastus awkwardly raised his hand.

“Right here. Sorry for the wai-” he froze.

Their eyes were locked, yellow meeting red, blood red.

Dark blue hair tied back into a messy braid.

He couldn’t see their face because of a mask but their eyes crinkled in the corners.

The memory came back.

The person they saw in their bedroom, it was them.

“I’m sorry.” They shook their head and looked away. “I feel like I’ve known you for a long time.”

“Likewise.” Adrastus let out a long breath and finally found the strength to move all the way up to the counter to take his iced coffee from them.

“Sorry, but what’s your name?” Adrastus took the coffee. 

“Ace.”

“Ace.” He repeated, the name felt familiar on his tongue.

Silence passed.

“I’m so sorry, I feel like I’m being awkward. You're the customer, I should be helping you not-“

“No no. I’m the one who's making it awkward. You don’t need to-“

“But I’m the one who-“

“Sure but I…this is dumb.” Adrastus shook his head before blurting out, “Ace, could I get your number?”

“Umm, yeah. Yeah sure. Let me write it down on a napkin for you.” Ace searched for a marker and scribbled numbers onto a napkin, passing it to them.

“Thanks. I really appreciate this. See you around, Ace.”

“Yeah, you too Adrastus.”

Don’t leave me, please, love don’t leave.

thank you so much for reading!!! i really appreciate it!! hope you have an amazing day/evening/night!!!

[etoiile]

ami, ami, tell me more about your selfships, please. i love hearing/reading them ^^

RAHHHH noo i hope that you know this door cannot be closed once its been opened (｀ω´) ANYWAYS HERE WE GO

okok so my biggest one for blue lock is definitely REO. and here's why

reo lowkey has like attachment and abandonment issues (thanks nagi!!) and like .... ME TOO!! (cries in parental problems) so we'd both be like very attached to each other and wouldnt ever have to doubt if the other person loved us and much as we loved them. NO INSECURITIES YAY!!!

reo loves pampering people. its his love language. I LOVE BEING PAMPERED BC IT MAKES ME FEEL SO SPECIAL (again cries in parental problems lol my parents never made me feel special HAHAHA) (this post is actually js me trauma dumping)

reo is very perceptive to emotions and so am i ^^ im not too good with expressing how im feeling so having someone who can just tell is so nice

idk why but like i love being carried for some reason. AND REO CARRIES NAGI EVERYWHERE ITS PERF !!!!!

reo talks enough where i dont feel stupid for talking too much but he's also not too talkative which is good bc i love talking (clearly)

i am actually nagi 2.0. like i am nagi nagi is me. WE ARE THE SAME. im really lazy and clingy and unmotivated hehe and reo loves nagi so therefore reo loves me!!!!! (this is my delusion talking)

i think that reo really needs to feel like he's needed. and like. ME TOO BRO!!!!!! im good at making people feel like they mean a lot to me coz im very affectionate and i think that that's something that reo really needs

he's kind of a teasey flirt?? but like not too much where i'm like boy stfu like i dont want an f-boy but i think that like teasing is fun. idk he's just sassy and i think its cute ^^

reo is just so earnest and caring and un-judging, if that makes sense. im really sensitive and a crybaby, but he seems like the kind of guy to welcome me into his arms regardless of my flaws. (unlike sae no offense who's a judgy bitch. still love him tho!!)

reo is rich and my grades lately are looking like im gonna have to marry rich (´ε｀；)

the other ones are chigiri (a good listener but not TOO quiet, sweet and sassy which is fun, def has a better haircare routine than me) and nagi (because we're pretty similar)

ok. ONTO HAIKYUU!! (if ur wondering i have a ton of hq works sitting in my drafts lol. I PROMISE I'LL COME OUT WITH ONE SOON!!!) (jk no promises)

SUGA AND OSAMU AND SUNA. i'll keep these ones short coz i feel like ive made this too long alr lol

suga:

super sweet!! i cant deal with too much meanness (like tsukishima)

despite sweetness hes still super silly and sassy which is just fun

emotionally perceptive (like reo!!) put reasoning for why i need an emotionally perceptive guy above ^^

osamu:

shared love of food LOLL

i have a thing for twins idk why LOLOL. im sorry this is so random but it had to be said. i also like kaoru from ohshc. and like. my current irl crush is an identical twin. IDK WHY ITS LIKE THIS BUT IT IS HAHAHA (i think maybe its bcoz like between the two of them one is always more quiet/perceptive so i notice that?? idek bro)

quieter!! yes!!!!!!!

he would give the best hugs ever. like osamu is just so squishy and yes and he would give such good hugs!! (sobs in touch starved) (this is ur sign to make smth w/ a touch-starved s/o and tag me. im begging u.)

suna:

A FLIRT. i js think its fun

js super goofy

he seems like a really good listener

PERCEPTIVE!!!!!

im sorry this was so long i just couldn't stop yapping once i started lolol

[lovely-angst]

break ups and break ins

a/n: i didn't have any motivation to continue writing so it stayed in my drafts for forever. it's a super messy fic im not super proud of tbh i wanted to scrap it but i got so far lol

genre: angst to fluff

pairing: hawks x reader

summary: you and hawks break up, but someone breaks in?

word count: 3.7k+

09.16.21

-

"come on, stop being so sensitive," hawks groans with an eye roll as you gawk at him. "you think i'm being sensitive because I'm hurt that you're out there flirting with other girls while we are in a relationship?"

you scoff in disbelief before tears form in your eyes, "i can't believe you right now, keigo."

hawks' brows knit as he stares at you bewildered, "i've already told you that it's just an act i have to out up because of the commission. i can't let them figure out i have a romantic relationship with someone. you don't know what they would do or could do."

"but that doesn't mean you can flirt around with no boundaries!" your voice comes out loud as your arms flail out in front of you, tears streaming down your face, "do you know how much it hurts to see you on television sweet-talking every girl out there when you're my boyfriend? i thought you would respect what we have..."

"(name), just admit you're just jealous of the fangirls and leave it at that," hawks closes his eyes, shaking his head in frustration, "honestly, they appreciate me so much more than you do."

your eyes widen in shock as you feel your heart shattering into tiny pieces so small you aren't sure if you could piece it back up.

"keigo, i love you for who you are—not because you're hawks," your voice now small and laced with hurt. "if you can't see the reason why i am so upset, i think it's best if we end it."

hawks' eyes quickly glance to yours before they look away just as quick, "i think that's what's best too," he whispers, causing your brows to furrow in sadness as you purse your lips tightly.

taking a step forward, you wrap your arms around your now ex-boyfriend, taking in his comforting arms and smell, "thanks for everything." a heavy sigh left from his lips before he nuzzled into you, "can i hold you in bed one last time?"

words died in your throat as you felt the tears sting your eyes once more. a nod was your only reply as hawks lifted the two of you up with his large wings, carrying you into the bedroom.

no words were exchanged as the two of you allowed your quiet breaths to mingle together in silence.

-

your heart was still achey from the fresh break-up as your cries and tears quietly filled the air. your nose and eyes red and raw from all the wiping you had done—the tissues around you as proof.

"hey, come on. you can't keep living like this and expect to get better," mirko says and she stands infront of you with a small smile. "how about we watch something to distract your mind?" she suggests as she turns around to pick up the controller to turn the television screen on.

"hawks, being the number two hero must be so taxing! how do you do it?"

hawks gives that big bright smile you've always loved, "my fans always give me motivation to do my best! i love you my babybirds!"

"oh shit-" mirko quickly turns the television screen off before she turns over to you, watching as your lips quiver before you break out in another crying session.

"rumi," you whine, muffled behind your tissues, "he doesn't care for me at all!" letting out a sigh, she walks over and places a comforting hand on your hair before running her hand through your locks, "hey, don't say that. hawks' cared for you a lot. break-ups happen, but don't let it keep you like this. let's go out and have some fun today, yeah?"

your teary eyes glance up at her before you let out sigh, "okay."

but to your surprise, a quick hour later here you were on a chair getting your makeup done professionally as mirko sat on the couch, munching away on a carrot. "rumi? why am i getting my makeup done professionally?"

"my makeup artist is good at what she does when she beats my face with makeup for those hero galas. i thought it would make you feel better getting your makeup done professionally before we go out and explore the city a bit," she finishes, taking another crunchy bite of her carrot.

a small, "oh" leaves your lips before your attention focuses back on the lipstick that gently glided across your lips. "there, all done. you look great!" the makeup artist cheers as she hands you a mirror.

your eyes sparkled once you saw your reflection—you had never felt so pretty before!

"are you ready to go out now?" mirko asks with a smile as she stands from her seat. you couldn't help the small, yet excited, smile, "yeah."

-

your words had been on repeat in hawks' mind.

you were upset because of how he was treating his fans—flirting with his fans as you put it. it was a constant argument the two of you had and frankly, he was getting tired of it. why you couldn't understand where he was coming from?

he didn't want to break up because of something so trivial, but it seemed like a break up was the only option. but it was fine, his fans kept him going; or that's what he thought was keeping him going.

"hawks! we love you!" his fans cried as he landed down in front of them, his handsome smile swooning everyone lucky enough to get their eye on him. "thanks birdies! i'm always happy to have your support!"

"can i have a picture?" "sign my shirt for me!" "you're the best hero!"

fans; something he enjoyed about being a hero. everywhere he went, they were there to offer him their love and support which he appreciated and loved!

but there often came days when he just wanted to stay cooped in his apartment. away from the world and away from the hero hawks. he simply wanted to escape and enjoy being keigo for a little while.

maintaining a facade took a lot away from him. it was tiring, exhausting even, trying to keep up with how fast his mind was going. a million different things happening at once and hawks had to be able to solve them. a little much for a single guy, don't 'cha think?

landing in at his balcony, hawks let out a heavy sigh as he was finally done with another tiring day of being the number two hero. thankfully, he had the next day off to do, well, nothing.

staring at the dark apartment with a an empty look, hawks let out a groan of exhaustion before unlocking the door and stepping in.

it was quiet, extra quiet these days. since he had gone to living by himself again.

after removing his hero gear, hawks walked into the kitchen and frowned at his lack of food in the fridge. usually, you were always there to greet him with a smile and a hearty dinner after a hard day at work.

well, that didn't matter anymore because you two had broken up, hawks mentally responded to his thoughts.

it seemed like tonight was one of those nights he really missed you.

you made this place feel like home and the more he thought about it, you were his home. he was safe with you and it was okay to let hawks go for the night and just be keigo. you loved him as he came, his flaws and everything. even the emotional baggage!

letting out an exhausted sigh, hawks closed his empty fridge before making his way towards his bed, plopping down with a grunt. "i'll just get a bigger breakfast tomorrow," he noted, pulling out his phone to catch up on his social media for the night.

hawks wasn't expecting to see much on his social media, he's too busy to be checking these sorts of things. today though, he was a little extra bored at home—until he saw a photo of you that mirko shared.

hawks quickly sat up in disbelief. hawks was genuinely confused. you had always been super pretty, but you were extra pretty in this picture. was it because you were no longer his? his eyes glanced over you in the photo for many long minutes as he took in your beauty. you looked so ethereal.

hawks was so thankful for mirko, he would have never stumbled across this photo of you.

the more he smiled at the photo, the more his heart ached. if only he just listened to you more and tried to find a solution to this problem, you would still be with him, in his arms. he was a fool to let you go because he didn't understand your pain. especially when you were always there for him when you couldn't understand his pain.

hawks found himself pulling up that photo of you whenever the days were tough. it never failed to bring a smile to his lips.

until mirko deleted the post.

he should've saved it when he had the chance, hawks thought as he let out a groan upon finding no picture. but, maybe mirko still had it on her phone? thankfully, there was a top five hero meeting that day which meant he could ask mirko about the picture.

hawks sat impatiently in his chair as he drummed his finger against his thigh, counting down the minutes until the meeting would conclude. it must've been distracting, because mirko approached him first after the meeting.

"hey birdbrain, what's up with you? you looked distracted during the meeting," mirko questioned walking up to the winged hero. hawks perked up slightly, before giving her a smile, "hmm? nah, just sick of meetings, wanted to get out." mirko eyed him curiously, "if you say so."

"i saw that picture you posted of (name)," he commented, "you two were hanging out?"

"huh? oh, this picture?" pulling up the picture on her phone, she showed him the photo before pulling away to hawks' dismay. "yeah, we went out. it was about time too! (name) seemed to be enjoying herself, so i'm glad i got to capture that."

hawks couldn't help the smile on his lips knowing that you were happy and could enjoy yourself. he really just wanted you to be happy, even if that wasn't with him.

"if you wanted the photo, you could've just asked," mirko smirks, causing hawks to duck his head down in embarrassment. "but even if you ask, im not giving it to you." Hawks turned his head brows furrowed and confused, slightly offended, "why would you even suggest it then?"

"not sure, maybe it'll be a way to encourage you to find a way to get it."

-

mirko had an interesting way of talking, hawks thought as he continued on with his patrol. it seemed like she was hinting at more than what she was saying, but he wasn't really interested in solving puzzles when he was busy being the number 2 hero.

and boy, was he busy busy.

it felt as if all the villains knew hawks would be out on patrol today, using that to their advatange by stiring up so much more trouble than on a typical day—not that he couldn't handle it, it was just more work that he would have hoped to do that day.

from the sky, he could see a crowd forming below on the streets as they cheered him on for another successful capture. hawks let out an exhausted sigh, but floated down to greet his fans nonetheless. there even happened to be press.

"hawks! you were amazing out there!" "great work! i can always count on you!" "you looked so attractive fighting those villains!"

hawks lifted up his visor and gave the fans a handsome grin, causing a chorus of squeals. hawks glanced at one of the fans near him lips curled in a smirk, mouth ready to open and say a few lines that would send arrows straight to the heart when he subconsciously stopped himself.

closing his mouth, he gave her a gentle smile before a soft reply came out, "thank you for supporting me."

it was weird of him to respond to fans in such fashion, but your words were stuck in the back of his head. he wished he could have acted this way before you two broke it off, it would have saved a lot of heartache.

hawks hoped you would notice his change. and unbeknownst to him, you had.

your eyes were glued to the television that aired the news that also happened to feature your ex-boyfriend, hawks. your heart felt fuzzy as you watched him, he seemed different...more down to earth?

"your eyes haven't left the tv since hawks appeared," mirko comments causing you to avert your eyes embarrassed. "i was just interested in the news for today, that's all," you tried but knew mirko wouldn't buy into your lie.

"yeah, okay. keep telling yourself that," she chuckles as she she sits down beside you. "so, whats going on in that head of yours now?"

"he's different now, rumi," you state, eyes drifting back to the screen. "he's talking to his fans like they're fans." your shoulders slump sadly, "i wish he was like this when we were together...i guess he really doesn't care about me after all."

mirko lets out a grunt as she listens to your moping. turning towards her, you notice her adjusting her purple thigh high socks to sit snugly against her upper thighs, "you have patrol this evening?"

"yep, my turn for an evening patrol. they're not that bad, more bad guys come out at night," she jokes with chuckle but you don't find it funny. "i know you can easily beat them, but that doesn't mean i worry any less for you," you sigh. "stay safe please."

"will do, cry baby," she jokes once more causing you to angrily pout, "i'm not a cry baby!" "says the one crying over hawks. bye!" and with that she quickly leaves out the door before you could throw a pillow at her.

rolling your eyes playfully, you walk over toward the bedroom you shared with mirko. you had a nice futon on the floor beside of her bed that surprisingly was very comfy. organizing her room a bit and folding her clothes she tossed around, you tried to busy yourself until she came back.

which was surprisingly short.

you heard the main door swing open before hearing her move around the living room and kitchen. she must've forgotten something, you thought to yourself as you made your way toward the bedroom door you had previously closed behind you.

"rumi? did you forget something?" you ask as you open the door, just to find yourself staring at the stranger in the apartment who donned a black ski mask with some sort of weapon in their hand. unfortunately your voice had caught their attention and their head quickly turned toward you before bolting it down the hallway for you.

screaming, you quickly shut the door and locked it before the thief could get in. the rattle of the doorknob causes you to let out another shriek as you looked around for a way to protect yourself and to escape.

the only solution that came to your mind was to block the door with whatever heavy furniture mirko had on her room which consisted of her bed, a desk and her clothes drawers. you did your best to block the door, but it was proving to be not enough.

"open the door and i won't hurt you miss," the voice called out and you felt your stomach twist from their words.

you scurried around to look for your phone and thankfully found it amongst this chaos and your body went on auto-pilot and dialed the first person that came to your mind whenever you were in danger.

your shaky hand brought your phone to your ear as you ran into the furthest corner of her room. your free hand covering your trembling lips. please pick up.

"hello? (name)?"

"keigo please help me," you cried quietly so the person on the other side couldn't hear you, but the desperation in your voice was clear as day for hawks. "(name)? whats happening? where are you?" his voice was now firm and laced with worry as you began to sob in through the phone.

"i'm at mirko's and she just left for patrol but someone broke in and i hid myself in her room. i'm so scared, please come quick." and right after he heard you squeak in fear from the unidentified noises through your phone.

"i'm coming right now," you could hear the power his wings had as he lift himself into the sky, "does she have any windows you can exit from?" glancing behind you, you took a mental note that her windows were large enough for you to escape through—the only problem was mirko lived on the tenth floor.

squeezing your eyes shut, you nodded even though hawks could not see you, "yeah, but she doesn't have any escape ladders and i'm on the tenth floor." hawks cursed under his breath on the other side, "just hold on, i'm almost there."

clutching onto your phone, you jumped when the barricade you made against the door was getting tossed around from the force of the stranger on the other side trying to break in. scrambling around, you quickly unlocked the window before opening it, allowing the wind to flow in.

with another jolt from the door all of your barricades flew from the door, leaving it vulnerable. you knew the door would fall with his next move, so with trembling hands, you maneuvered your body outside the window, letting your bottom sit on the window frame.

from a distance, you could hear someone calling out your name. when you narrowed your eyes to focus, all of the stress left your body as you watched them shoot towards you. hawks had come to your rescue!

but hawks wasn't close enough.

the door behind you broke allowing the stranger into the room and before they could grab a hold of you, you jumped.

"(name)!"

as your body free fell down towards the earth, hawks used his wings to give himself one strong push forward before folding his wings tightly behind his back to gain speed to reach you.

reaching his arms out, he caught you in time before shooting back up towards the sky, "that was so stupid of you!" you shouted loudly against the wind, "what if i wasn't there in time?"

glancing up at him, you gave him a small smile, "i just knew you'd get to me in time ."

-

"agh, more paperwork i have to fill out!" mirko groans as she walks around her messy apartment after hawks and her had caught the suspect and had cops take care of him. as she walked away into her bedroom with a line of curses, you quietly turned over towards hawks who had his back facing you. he was on call with the commission.

"yep, i'll get that finished tomorrow," ending his call and stuffing his phone in his pocket, he turns around to find you staring at him. his cheeks flush slightly from the sudden eye contact, but he managed to compose himself. "are you doing alright? that must've been quite the terrifying experience."

"yeah, thanks for picking up. you were the first person i thought to call," you confess and he perks up. "oh yeah?"

"you've always kept me safe and i just really needed you when i was in danger. so thanks," giving him a smile he mirrors you. "of course, anything for you."

your heart flutters from his words, but you slightly turn yourself away, glancing down. you two were no longer dating, so there was no need to get butterflies over him again. "well, thanks again. you must have a busy day tomorrow."

"do you buy any chance still have that photo of you when you were out with mirko?" hawks asks suddenly causing you to glance up at him. "you know, when you two went out a couple weeks ago? you were all dolled up and honestly, just super pretty?" hawks says boldly with a sheepish grin.

"why are you asking?"

"send it my way."

you gawked at him, "you want me to send you a picture of me? we're not dating anymore, that would be weird!" hawks could only shrug, "okay, that's simple then. let's go on a date." you gawked even further, "what is going on inside of that bird brain? all this for a photo?"

"i want to be the one who takes those photos of you. i want to be the reason you get all dolled up. i know i messed up, (name). i've been changing the way i talk to my fans because i understand how i hurt you. could you give me another chance to make it better? i promise i will treat you the way you deserve to be treated."

this was coming too suddenly, your wounds were just starting to heal.

"you...you don't mean that, hawks," you say dejectedly as you back up to sit on mirko's couch. "i'm scared."

"he means it you know?" mirko pops out of the hallway suddenly and stands with her arms crossed against her chest as she stares at the two of you. "he's been asking me for that picture nonstop since he saw it online."

"but he really does love you still, (name) and i know you still love him too. go ahead and give it another shot, i'll be here to kick him to the curb if he does anything bad to you." she encourages, making you glance back towards hawks.

"promise?" your eyes are sparkly from the tears that had glossed over your eyes and hawks gives you a confident nod, "promise. i'll pick you up at six tomorrow?"

you couldn't help your growing smile, "yeah, i'll be waiting."

- e x t r a -

as hawks flew off towards his apartment, the notification ding of his phone went off causing him to take a look. you had sent him a text!

opening the message his eyes widen from the photo you sent, it was the cute pic of you all dolled up!

"i'm so in love!" he shouts loudly in the sky.

[ji-yaaan]

°•°•𝐒𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬•°•°

Yandere!Lilia Vanrouge × Reader

Warnings: Mild yandere, Delusional behavior, Obssesion.

Note: Uhm this was a draft I made from last year I forgot to post lmao. Anyways- Ngl this is more like angst tho :'D forgive my shit writing this was a year ago :'D

Lonely dewdrops trickled as the curtains of dark grey skies covered the heavens above. The smell of petrichor and damp nature was faint yet comforting. Under the thick linen sheets was a painfully familiar embrace. Arms that tightly held your waist as if you were to fly away at any moment.

The warmth you shared in the tight embrace was intoxicating so to say. You felt like giving it all up and melt beneath this man's arms. Drowsiness invaded your mind like an addicting drug. You can't help but feel your eyelids grow heavy and melt in the midst of the fae's arms.

Not long after, the figure shifted his position and burried his face in the small crook of your neck. His soft raven locks tickling the corners of your ears.

You know yourself what you're doing is wrong, but the bittersweet temptation continues to drag you in and simply accept his gestures and advances. 'Just a little bit more' you thought.

His lithe fingers makes their way to intertwine it between yours. He held your hands tightly, but your heart simply ached more for his touch. His lips that kissed your skin gently was such a temptation per say. Yet... his fleeting touches was painfully addicting like poison, but just a little more won't hurt right? Just a few more moments to bask under his warmth...

"Can't we just go back to what we used to be, my love?"

A pained gaze meets yours. If you were to be honest, it felt like it would be alright to give up everything and go back to lilia's arms, but you simply can't...

"After doing all of the things you did? Why should I trust you again Vanrouge?"

You held back your tears as you remember the vivid memories of a broken mirror shattered on the ground. Your last hope to come back home was gone within seconds as the glass touched the ground and broke to pieces. Everything was long gone, but a pair of ruby eyes gazed at your soul as it was reflected in the broken pieces of glass.

"Now now, I didn't know you'd grow this cold my dear, but I was just doing that so we could be together, no?"

The fae chuckled to himself. His pale fingers held your chin up to look back at him with your glossy eyes. A lonely tear fell on your cheek. It was a pathetic look enough to make you look so pitiful.

"Don't cry now my love, you know it yourself right? You love me too right? Why don't you be a doll and stay by my side, no?"

The pale moonlight illuminated the fae's face, quite the ethereal scenery enough to make you dizzy. The sound of the gentle rain accompanied with lilia's lullaby was hypnotizing so to say. Yet the fleeting touches simply made you crave for more even if its poison.

It's quite ironic if you think about it. Lilia seemed to love the idea of you more than he loves you. Yet you simply can't help to keep holding onto the fantasy of him truly loving you. But alas, a rotten obsession won't lead to a beautiful ending, no?

'Just a little bit more' you thought.

"Let's make this easy and not make me hurt you along the process alright?"

As the cold wind blew, your consciousness slowly fades away as the dizzying warmth under the linen sheets and an embrace of a certain someone held you tight. If only you were to wake up to the old times when Lilia seemed like he truly loved you, yet all the sweet nothings are a mere dream and fantasy to mask his underlying obsession.

"I won't let you escape me, dear."

Note: no words... its like 8am I haven't slept yet sighhhhh. Oh yeah but im back? Time to re-learn writing sighhhh. OH BUT I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS EVEN IF IT'S EW THO༎ຶ‿༎ຶ♡

[sharkface-daydreams]

well, sharkface. if someone has suggested before then maine (or bonus meta)

you are actually the first to ask about sharkface :) <3 ilu

oddly enough no bingo BUT shrakface <3 :) he is everything to me

and honestly on second though maybe he does work better as part of a dynamic bc on his own, hes very cool and scary and the ridiculousness of his dramatics works great against the reds and blues very “wait what? the fuck is that why are you so cringe” reactions to things. but characterly speaking like. this is a guy unhinged by grief. the loss of people that were close. he is unhinged BC he has no people anymore. if he had people i think that would be so good for him 🥺 kimball and wash hold fire and red team adopt sharkface challenge pls

also carolina learn what an apology is challenge jfc

i will not get into the wasted potential thing because i feel like i have screamed about that so much and i dont have the energy rn lol

BUT. thank u for ask me about shark man <3333 makes my weird little heart all glowy inside

maine gets double bingo bc hes special to me. <33333 big guy. likes to fight,  doesnt like heights, doesn’t talk much, likes big weird weapons. a man after my own heart. needed more screen time imo

like he’s not a saint but people characterizing him as some. idk. sadist evil motherfucker always rubs me the wrong way. also maine =/= meta. but maine is part of the meta. u understand.

meta also gets double bingo bc im lov them <3333333333

i want to recoup some energy so i can talk more about meta bc he is my special little guy they are my big silly blorbo blob so this is going in drafts a minute

edit: did i never fucking post this?! i thought i had..... anyway. ill post this and then go look for it bc ill forget it in the drafts again

OK IM BACK

meta!!!!! honestly. to me. meta is a journey. a transformation. never fully solidified, always in flux. by the time they are actually the meta it is no longer sigma here and maine there in the same helmet. putting more and more fragments in the same organic mind must have been mental hell in a few ways for someone unused to this. the chaos. the fragments were from the same ai but they were still their own selves. u get it.

theres no way to know what went on in there the whole time and i dont trust rt to write that but he’s still. very special to me. especially post-emp. they are gone. his(their) head is empty again. quiet. 

personal headspace stuff warning for those who’d rather scroll by:

especially early on in 2020+. i got locked in my head a lot. my little subsection of our headspace is an oubliette/panic room bunker cylinder. i’ve since been able to add windows and i know i CAN technically get out now. but for a long time it was just me, and an impenetrable wall of fog with no way out, and only a window way up in the ceiling i couldn’t reach. no one could reach me, i couldn’t reach out either. it was extremely lonely, very grey, and it just made me miss everyone i was able to talk to before. this is probably why i feel so attached to him, because i know what suddenly being shut off from all your system members feels like (idc that it was artificial bc the fragments were intentionally inserted, they were a system.)

feels like someone stripped you down to your OS when that happens honestly and you have to keep moving in a world that expects something of you yet. what do you do when you are back to being just one person alone in your head? how do you figure yourself out? other characters have said the meta was seeking more power... but that’s not right, i don’t think. when sigma& were in there, in the meta soup crockpot. they wanted to be human. be whole. reaching that metastability. and after they were gone. do u really think he would not have jumped at any chance to get one of them back? yeah AI are powerful. but so is loneliness. 

i think maybe. if he would have lived. he would have had little introjects like epsilon made. maybe a neosigma. maybe there was a partition he started putting up when everyone else got too loud and split off a separate maine that was buried when things kicked into high gear. i dont know. there’ll never be any of this in canon so it’s only my speculation but. i like them, i like to think about them.

there show distinctly separates this transformation into several parts but only because that’s all they show us. they show us pfl maine with no ai. they show us pfl maine + sigma. they show us the boogeyman the meta is made into through the lens of hte other characters. they show us a meta a bit more clear-headed but still in possession of personality, sapient thought. but my brain wants to know (always) what happens in between. because it was never a light switch moment that caused these things, it was things stacking up over time, like anything else. i want to know how wanting to help sigma achieve metastability turned into acquiring the other fragments at almost any cost. it’s canon that the freelancers’ and ais’ personalities started to bleed into each other. how much of that happened more and more with each fragment they added?

hm. much 2 think about. i do have a meta lives au which addresses some of this. but i think i have spilled all my brainbeans and now i am tired again lol <3 but. ty for asking and sorry this sat in my drafts for months x.x ilu

[nothorses]

hi so im a mostly closeted genderqueer trans boy in high school (i’m a junior) and i have something of a dilemma going into the new school year. last year was distanced and i spent most of it as my deadname, which is what i’ve always been in school, but i had a mental health evaluation thing when i had an extreme break down and ended up coming out to the school psychologist and she kind of hooked me up by sending an email to all my teachers basically saying “the student on your rosters as [deadname] will be attending classes as [chosen name], thank you for respecting his identity” which was truly great (before that i was attending as my first initial since i kept that the same, but some people knew my old name and addressed me by it since they assumed i still used it). the thing is all that i did in being ~out at school is that my name on zoom was my own name! i didn’t talk out loud if i could help it, and since not many people really knew me at school to begin with there weren’t really a lot of people who knew i was actually trans, and i guess that means i was pretty much stealth. but considering that i cant get on testosterone or start binding until i move out from living with my transphobic parents (which won’t be two years) and school is going back in person, i cant exactly keep passing as a nondescript name on a screen who in my classmates eyes probably is a cis guy, i’ll be myself and my actual self isn’t someone who anyone looks at and thinks of as anything but a girl. so. i guess just.... going into this school year i have to either go back into my shell and be closeted and deadnamed again, or be out to other kids for real. one of my only ~friends is a stated trans ally but also pretty weird about it (she’ll say things like “i think “he” used to be a “she”” and things like that) and im really nervous about coming out to her, and even if my friends were fine, it’s still just kind of scary being one of the only out trans kids at the school and im worried about the automatic spotlight it kind of puts on me as opposed to being a nondescript no one. so i guess just... advice for coming out? or do you think it would be worth it to stay in the closet? would love your advice.

Hey! Sorry it took me so long to get around to this, I've been a little swamped these last few months.

I think in the end, whether you come out is something you need to decide for yourself. I can give you a few questions to ask yourself, though:

Do you feel safe coming out?

What are the realistic possible outcomes of coming out? (Or: what's the best case scenario, the worst case scenario, and the most likely scenario?)

What will it feel like if you don't come out? What will be the mental health impact of not coming out, and can you realistically bear that? (And conversely: what will be the mental health impact of coming out, and will it be worth it?)

Do you have support systems you can go to in either scenario? Who are they?

What will coming out "look like" in this situation? Who are you coming out to, and who are you keeping it from, if anyone? Can you realistically maintain boundaries between the people you're out to and the people you aren't?

If not now, when?

In terms of "how", I tend to recommend the same general formula:

Decide who you're coming out to: think about when you plan on coming out to which groups of people in your life (friends, family, work/school/etc.), whether/how you can maintain lines between those groups, and who you will need to tell first in order to both prevent any offense, and ensure your own safety and support networks. Think about the advantages of coming out in group settings vs. in private, depending on the people involved.

Decide the "medium": are you coming out in person, over text/email/call, in a group post, or individually? Again, think about who will "need" certain things (old-fashioned grandparents might take offense to emails over in-person conversations, for example) and weigh that against what you need, and what will feel safest for you.

Draft a script: prepare you words (or bullet list some points) and spend some time thinking about what you want to cover, how you want to come off, etc.

Say the words: don't dance around the topic and try to convey things through implications. Be clear and concise about the language you are using, and want to be used for you.

Know (and say) your intent: why are you telling them this? Why now? Think about the things you want to change, the support you want/need from them, and make sure they know those things. Don't leave room for them to dismiss your identity as unimportant. You can use this as an opportunity to persuade them to support you, too ("I just care about you so much and want you to be involved in this very important part of my life <3").

Give them space to process: let them know you understand if they don't get it right away, that you know it's a learning process, etc. Give them room to think and feel what they need to think and feel, ideally without you there to bear the brunt of it. (I also usually tell people I don't mind if they mess name/pronouns/etc. up as long as I know they're trying; I do care, but it's the easiest way to avoid having to comfort them about screw-ups, and it avoid arguments and ill will.)

Provide resources: don't let them go looking for information on your identity that will lead them down TERFy or transphobic rabbitholes. Have some relevant 101 materials locked and loaded, and provide them in whatever way makes sense for the context (then or later on).

I hope that's helpful! Best of luck, anon; I know this is a scary thing to go through, but you're not alone here. I hope you make the best choice for you and your mental health, and I hope it goes well either way. 💙

[sydneyshipsstuff]

so uh last night at like 4 am i couldnt sleep, decided to walk my dog, and came up with this bad boy. It’s a rough draft, though. um @professional-benaddict read it and told me to post it, so whatever rafni says goes. 

-Little! Peter with like everyone lmao (platonically), but main pairing is Tony x Peter. everyone is 18+ and Littles are known. but yeah, I call this “uncanonically Canon AU” because it follows canon character tropes (except Peter).

----------------

so i LOVE the doctor trope w stephen and tony to death, like probably a lil too much, but hear me out

--canon tony and the avengers with not canon (aka powerless) little peter

--im thinking how they met is before peter became classified as a little, he was smart smart. so, he still gets the internship, but a real one this time.

--hes hanging out with the other interns when he feels himself regress. he freaks and goes to hide in a bathroom or something

--he runs into (probably pepper??) someone and they help him get out of the tower because he's obviously very vulnerable

--they (pepper?) take him to the hospital to get tested and find out hes a high care little. once they find out peter freaks out because omg he cant work like this

--(pepper?) assures him that they will figure it our, but with no CG, and just for plot sake, he also is living alone at this point so they dont feel comfortable sending him home, so he stays overnight, at least, in the hospital

--(pepper?) goes to talk to tony himself about this since hes the one who chose and hired the interns. tony isnt quite sure what to do because peter is one of the best in their group

--(pepper?) suggests that he go have a one on one talk with peter and see what the boy wants to do with his future, and also meet with the doctors to see what they think is best for his future

--now, tony has met peter a few times, and the kid is pretty cool, but he never really cared about him (harsh, but canon tony is pretty reserved so yuh) so, when he goes into the hospital room to talk with him, hes mentally preparing to never see peter again

--but, when he walks in, he sees peter sat on a cot carefully coloring in an avengers coloring book, and his entire aura is different and /adorable/

--as if he wasnt already kinda done for, when peter notices he's there, he looks up, eyes blown wide and a kid-like face on full of awe

--he sits on the end of the bed and they simply stare at each other before peter finally gets the courage to ask why tony is there, stuttering through it like an adorable mess

--tony freaks out, because as good as peter is, he planned on letting peter down, but now that hes here, all he wants is to see the boy.

--instead he smooths his nervousness and easily asks about how the boy is doing. he asks if peter has a CG, and predicably, peter just sadly shakes his head

--anyways i dont really know how this part would be worded, and it probably wouldnt happen in just one day, but eventually tony asks peter if he wants tony to take care of him

--peter is a cutie and accepts, again dont really have this part planned out, im akward when it comes to writing about the adopting of a little

--he goes with tony and since he lives in the tower, he also gets the avengers as glorified CGs. now this is the part i LOVE

***added part by Rafni:

"I’d imagine that Peter would just be kept in the hospital, like he doesn’t need any meds nor saline so he doesn’t even have a drip nor is he hooked up to any monitors. He is just there in the hospital pyjamas colouring and waiting for someone to take care of him🥺👀"

And since there’s no medical concerns (anymore) the nurses would have more time to just chat with Peter and make sure he is like mentally taken care of 🌸🌸

---

tony stark- he's obviously the main man and does all the main caring. hes the one who sleeps with peter and makes sure he gets food, and plans the days. he also sometimes will hand make little gadgets (safe ofc) to occupy peter. he gets peter little engineering/inventing kits and will hold back any groans he has as peter hits his leg with a plastic hammer and screwdriver. he also is the one who is ALWAYS there, when he cries, when he's happy, when he's sad.

thor- he lets peter play with his hair, and even lets the boy snuggle, and sometimes even chew on, mjolnir (because of course peter would be worthy)

steve rogers- he lets peter look at and hold the shield. one day he finds the boy curled like a cat dosing on the inside of it

natasha- she speaks in russian to him, and when he goes outside to the park, shes there making sure no one disturbs him

wanda+sam (i had an idea for them when i originally thought of this, but i cant remember it now :/)

bucky- he lets peter also mess with his hair, although more rare than thor, but he does let peter suck on his metal fingers when hes really small, and will scratch peters scalp with it, the metal scratching much better than normal skin. also if he ever gets a fever, the cold of the arm feels amazing on his forehead

bruce- not strictly canon since hes more sciency than doctor, but i imagine bruce is the one who does checkups and takes care of the meds when peter is sick

stephen- he doesnt do it often, plus he's not at the tower much, but hell do little harmless "magic" tricks to excite Peter and when peter gets grumpy, stephen will give him a little stress spell thing to calm peter down

peter quill- i imagine hes the one who is down to do lots of fun stuff, but is also the most reckless towards the actions suited towards littles, getting a lot of scolding from tony. also, he has great taste in music, so when peter has bursts of energy, he'll bounce around the room dancing to old 80s music

rocket- hes the closest peters ever gonna get to a pet, and with lots of bribing from tony, rocket /occasionally/ lets peter pet him and feed him "treats", sometimes peter will ask rocket to do a trick like jump or spin, but rocket with always decline...at first. peters trademark pouts do the trick because either rocket will concede and hurt his pride, or tony will see and threaten rocket into making his little boy happy. its always worth it to see the happy little squirms and claps

gamora- she's the resident story teller. when its bedtime, she'll share her cool space stories, leaving out the gory/scarier aspects. it always does the trick as hes out in minutes. sometimes hell catch her and peter q engaging in loving activities (ie kissing, hugging, whatever), and he'll just giggle away, and as embarrassed as gamora gets, not being an openly affectionate person, she might just go to the extreme to hear the cute giggles out of the little boy

clint- hes pretty chill with peter. he also likes to play games with the boy, playing things like peek-a-boo when he's super small, or playing darts when he feels older. tony isnt /too/ happy about it, but its better than quill so he doesnt say anything.

pepper is there too because i love the idea of tony working away somewhere and pepper calling peter in, handing him a few sheets of paper, sometimes actual documents, sometimes just scratch paper to entertaim the boy, before asking peter to deliver them to tony. she always has a smile when peter eagerly nods with his whole body before running to the office to give tony the papers. it almost always ends with peter in his lap, but it /always/ ends in tony praising him, saying something along the lines of 'theres my little helper boy. look at you'

---

--on any particular day peter wakes up aged up, he doesn't even miss his old internship because this life is so much better, although on these days tony actually lets him help with some safer stuff in the lab with him

--also, they are still the avengers and still have to save the universe. tony leaves him in the care of Happy or Pepper, trusting them both to handle him. sometimes, it ends in disaster. sometimes, they are lucky enough to find happy laying on the couch, with a drooling little boy soaking his suit

--no matter how things end up, it never gets old being able to come home and cuddle up with the reason tony wants to save the universe.

--its no surprise peter is able to help the man just as much as tony helps him. tony stops locking himself up so late at night so he can put peter to bed and cuddle up. he stops drinking when he's stressed, instead finding his boy and reading a story to him. his hookups end, he wants to be there for peter all the time. he gets more work done, the added bonus of having a pretty little boy in his lap helping keep his mind on track.

--tony still has his canon issues, but having peter there makes everything a little more manageable. and when he eventually gets too old to be ironman, its okay, because his universe is lying in bed, a red pacifier in his mouth, and a family of superheroes softly arguing about who the boy loves most

--and despite tony being a narcissist, he knows this is not that, when he thinks that without a doubt he is peters favorite. after all, peter helped him see the good inside the bad

---

so uh yeah thats all i had to say. maybe in the future it will become an actual thing, idk. i still have so many projects im working on first. feel free to add whatever you want to it though !!

[misstrashchan]

So just as a heads up, this is a continuation of this post about which of Smirke's 14 Fears from the Magnus Archives team RWBY+Pyrrha would be aligned with and @im-the-king-of-the-ocean asking my thoughts on Winter, Ozpin and Oscar (sorry it took so long to get back to this! I've had it sitting in my drafts for a while)

Winter: The Slaughter

Winter as an Avatar of the Slaughter is something I hadn't thought of but it actually fits insanely well. The Slaughter does often bring up the question of whether anger and violence is just senseless and mindless, or following orders followed by rationalisation; or if we're entirely conscious of the choices we're making, and which is worse, which is something that Winter's arc has been dealing with A LOT. In how she follows Ironwood's orders and has to rationalise his actions to justify her own and her "choices", like how she explains to Weiss how she accepts her role as the Winter Maiden being her destiny, though it was something Ironwood groomed her into and how she tries to explain to Penny why they have to internalise however they might feel about abandoning Mantle and trust Ironwood.

There's the element of anger which you bring up, and Winter's relationship with anger is interesting to me to think about, because she seems very much afraid in indulging that emotion, or any emotion, and because of the military industrial complex and her abusive controlling upbringing, leads to a lot of emotional suppression and refusal to think on those feelings or deal with them in any healthy way. Which of course leads to everything boiling over, and there's this. Rage, an passionate fury that's boiling inside her. But I wouldn't say it's something she thinks she needs or enjoys right now, quite the opposite. (the idea of being afraid of being hurt, of needing to have control of her situation and to throw back her hurt of the world fits more with Cinder than Winter in my mind, and I think Melanie's relationship with anger and needing it reminds me a lot more of Yang. It justified her need for it and fed into it, and Melanie liked that, she wanted it, but for Winter her anger is something she's ashamed of, something to be locked away)

But I actually do think with where her arc is headed that thinks she will come to indulge in that feeling more. The one time we see her have an angry outburst expressing her true feelings is at Jaques at his dinner party, and she scolds and shames herself for allowing herself to get angry, that it was childish and immature. To which Penny disagrees, saying she thought she was just speaking from the heart. But Winter believes that to precisely be the problem. She cannot allow herself to think, or feel just for herself,  because that terrifies her. So she only allows herself to follow orders. Again, similar to a lot of the Slaughter statement givers who were soldiers in wars of some kind and become numb to the atrocities they are made to commit, the sensless violence of it all, but her choice to accept her lack of agency and self worth still makes her complicit and is still a conscious decision on her part. This sort of meandered and I'm not sure if it made any sense but yes, I hadn't thought of it but the Slaughter actually fits Winter really well for a lot of reasons. And I think we will see her Go Feral in the near future, the thing she's most afraid of, showing how she really feels, and oh boi all that confusion, emotional repression, the lingering bitterness and jealousy towards Penny being the Winter Maiden, and projected feelings of thinking of leaving or betraying Ironwood she's been having and her conflicted feelings pushed onto Weiss, who betrayed and left first, just a whole over boiling pot that's a mess of emotions manifesting as Big Feral Winter Feelings. 

Ozpin:

The Eye, Ceaseless Watcher, Beholding/The Vast, the Falling Titan, Awful Deep

Ohohohoho Ozpin. I can't tell you how many times I've listened to TMA 151 imagining Ozpin as Simon Fairchild or vice versa. Simon's VA was told that his character had to give off the impression that he might offer you a plate of cookies or fling you off a cliff and when I heard that my mind immediately jumped to Ozpin back in v1. And Ozpin's VA said that if he didn't have the weight of the world on his shoulders, he'd be a lot more chaotic and fun. And that's the thing with Ozpin though, is that he wants to be Simon Fairchild, so so badly. I think he wants people to see him as that kind of person too. But in reality, he's stuck being Jonathan Sims. (The Ceaseless Watcher's/God of Light's Special Little Boy assdkjhkk) Oz is 100% an Eye Avatar. Fair warning, like with Ruby and the End, I have a lot of Big Feelings with this one. 

I see where you're coming from, but the thing with being an Avatar of the Vast is being so overwhelmed by the expanse and eternity of everything that you just accept your own insignificance as well as everyone else's, hence why they rarely form attachments or work with others. It's a very nihilistic perspective that it's Avatars tend to be very hedonistic as a result, we're all insignificant, nothing matters, let's just do whatever we want and try to have a good time, who cares what happens. And I do think Oz is Vast aligned, since he encourages the people around him, and tries himself, to enjoy the little things and have fun when he can, since he knows Salem is unstoppable and everything could go to shit at any given moment. And yknow. Him enjoying flinging students off of cliffs during initiation a bit too much.

 But Ozpin cares so much about humanity. He desperately wants to believe, and tries to, in humanity, and tries for them. He's been fighting so hard for so long, and believes humanity is worth fighting for (even if he has trouble actually having faith and believing in them). Everything matters to him. He agonises over every choice he makes and impact that has, takes on so much responsibility on himself, is so guilt ridden that he admits to making "more mistakes than any man, woman or child on this planet" that he practically paralyses himself with indecision and guilt. He’s also someone who has been shown to be paranoid, (his reluctance to fully trust the people around him out of constant wariness that he may be betrayed) and afraid of being perceived for who he truly is and having his secrets exposed, which are all very Eye related fears. Ozpin’s very much in this position in which he is the one who knows everything, who passively watches and waits and knows, from up high in his tower. “Oh please, your god is nothing! The Eye, Beholding, Ceaseless Watcher, whatever you call it, that’s all it does, it watches and knows, sitting bulbous and comfortable in the ignorance of infinite knowledge.” (TMA 89) In the Lost Fable, he believed he needed to be the one to know everything (think to how he only trusted himself to hold onto the relic of knowledge, believing it to be “his burden to bear” and was desperate to take it back from Ruby) and as shown in his past lives, sought after Jinn’s knowledge in the belief that knowledge would help him in his cause, only for the ultimatum of the answer in “Salem can’t be killed” to break him and make him lose all hope of doing anything more than maintaining a perpetual stalemate. In the words of his speech in vol1, in which is a very good example of Ozpin desperately needing to practice what he preaches; 

 “I'll...keep this brief. You have travelled here today in search of knowledge--to hone your craft and acquire new skills. And when you have finished, you plan to dedicate your life to the protection of the people. But I look amongst you, and all I see is wasted energy, in need of purpose – direction. You assume knowledge will free you of this, but your time at this school will prove that knowledge can only carry you so far. It is up to you to take the first step”  (RWBY 1x03) 

There’s also like. A lot of Eye statements, particularly those relating to Jonathan, that relate heavily to Ozpin and his character, including this one:

“And at last, the Archivist looks up. At last, he looks into the eye that sees all, and knows all, and clutches at the secret terrors of your heart. The Ceaseless Watcher of all that is, and all that was; the voracious, infinite hunger that tears at his soul, invoking him to discover, to observe, to experience all, and everything, and forever. It stares into him, and it stares out of him, and he is falling into the devouring eternity of its pupil. He wants to cry out in horror, but he cannot. 

He. Is. Whole. 

And still he does not wake. Wandering his slim collection of gifted nightmares, passing the grey and lifeless remains of severed dreams he can no longer watch, he waits- but not for long- before they can all begin again”

Like if that doesn’t describe Oz’s endless reincarnation and merging, becoming “whole”, and living all these lives is discovering, observing and “experiencing all and forever” then I don’t know what does. And then there’s the last statement we had before the s5 break, also an Eye one, revolving around the “Minister” which also gives off major Oz vibes:

God, the children. They won’t stop looking, won’t stop following him with their piteous, desperate gaze that speaks so loudly his knees feel like they will buckle. ‘Help us.’He will. Of course he will. He wants to. He hasn’t lied to them, he really hasn’t. He used to be one of them, he remembers what it can be like. He is there to speak for them. And if necessary, he will join them again. The minister grips his black leather briefcase closely to his chest, bile rising in his throat at the sudden jolt of fear that races through his veins. Where did that come from? Is he afraid of it, returning, of that sharp stab of hunger, the shivering of a cold you can’t escape? Or is he afraid that should it come to that, they will see him as a deceiver?” 

“On his side of the arena the shouts should be sharper, more angry, but their tone and pitch are such as to merge seamlessly with the others. There are no golden stakes on this side pinning down his would-be comrades. But the minister must be careful not to look too closely, or else he might see how many of his allies are fused to their own chairs, on which they have sat comfortable for so long"

"His eyes drift away, through the walls to the crowd outside. Their baying cries for justice cannot be heard in here. If any whisper should make it through, it is utterly destroyed in the deafening shouting that surrounds him. But he cannot forget their eyes, watching him, piercing him with their wounded humanity.” 

Another thing is that one of Ozpin’s allusions aside from the Wizard of Oz is Odin, and Raven and Qrow are meant to be his Huginn and Muninn, two Ravens that act as his “eyes” spying and gathering information for him. If you look at Raven and Qrow’s emblem, they have a left and right bird’s eye respectively, with Oz’s gear emblem inside the eye. In v4, Salem, upon hearing that Tyrian poisoned Qrow, says “the last eye is blinded” as in,the belief that with Raven having left Oz and Qrow now dying, Oz would have no more eyes to “see” with. You also have Jonah Magnus, whose corpse is missing his eyes, but is able to watch through the eyes of the Archive employees. That and the whole body hopping host thing is a little similar in concept (and Peter Lukas mentions near the end of s4 that if Elias died, Jonah would have chosen Jon as his new host which is just. Terrifying). There's a lot of other little things too, like Oz in the first three volumes is usually shown watching events like the iniitiation, the fight at the docks, and the vytal festival through his cameras in his office, a passive observer rather than someone who is actively involved. And Yang at the end of v6, when Oscar tells them about Oz saving him, says "so he's just been watching is that whole time?" The underlying tone suggesting that he could've come back at any tike but chose to watch them instead, through Oscar, and everyone looking at him like that's pretty weird or creepy (except Ruby tho, because she's Ruby)

I feel like I could go on, but this is probably waaaaay too long, so, in summary, Oz serves the Eye, is basically a perfect candidate for the Archivist, and is also Vast aligned, and in different circumstances would have totally been a great Vast Avatar. 

Oscar: The Spider, the Web, Mother of Puppets

Oscar. Was. HARD.

This lil shit is part of the reason it took so long to make this post. Because see, with other characters the most obvious indicators would be their semblances (which are often manifestations of coping mechanisms for their personal fears or trauma) or songs (which delve deeper into their characters), or have very specific fears that I can focus in on as to how that factors into their arc. But Oscar? He doesn't have a semblance. His whole THING is that he's scared. All the time. His song is called Fear for Pete's sake. Now, he is Oz's reincarnation, and Oscar does also share a fair few things in common with the Archivist and his character arc, (Elias's plan and the whole plot of the first four seasons was that he was trying to align Jon by having him touched by ALL the fears, aka, to fill Jon with fear of everything, so that he became a walking living record of fear) he persistently calls out people's BS and takes issue with people withholding information, also similar to Yang (who I firmly believe is Eye aligned). So like. Eye, right? But that just... doesn't properly fit Oscar. He's not Ozpin. The Stranger, then, becoming a stranger to yourself, perhaps? That is something Oscar's afraid of, right?

"Everything changes when you see a stranger, feel proud or betrayed" (Fear)

But Oscar is growing more confident in his own identity and figuring out who he is. He’s not becoming Oz, he's becoming his own person. And even if he was becoming Oz, Oz is hardly a Stranger to Oscar. The merge, from how it's described in the show, seems more similar to how the Distortion functioned, except Oscar and Oz don't fit into most of the Distortion's themes.

I was sort of uncertain, and I wanted to wait and see till I was more certain of where Oscar's arc was headed this volume, since he's being pushed to his limits and wanted to see how he acted and what choices he made. At the start, because of how he was regretting all the choices he'd made previously, and was telling Oz how badly he didn't want the merge to happen, I was speculating about the possibility of him being manipulated by Salem and Grimm!Oscar happening, which might fall him into the Corruption, but no.

Oscar is the Web.

It fits with his fear of being controlled, of his will not being his own, and like Jonathan, who was marked and scared for life by his encounter with the Web as a child, it is his greatest fear. Only, where Jon was so afraid of the Web he sought the Eye as his refuge, believing it would keep him safe, Oscar realises that can be used to his advantage. (Which actually makes him more like Anabella Cane, which is. Hilarious) He's trying to do what Salem does, focus in on people's weaknesses and fears and dig at them, manipulate and push them, divide them, only like, steering them into the opposite direction than Salem. He's trying to use the fact that people see him as Oz to his advantage and trying to manipulate their impression of him. He's just got this very sneaky, cunning and pragmatic streak in him that people overlook because he's also incredibly kind and just. Good. But those qualities very much scream "Web" to me the more I've dwelled on it.

[livesincerely]

it’s so easy (too easy) to love you, ch. 1

Also on Ao3

00000

Davey’s just gotten out of class—literally just walked out the door—when his phone starts ringing.

“Davey,” Tony says the moment he answers, not even giving Davey time to say hello, “can you swing by the apartment real quick?”

Davey sighs. “Are you locked out of the house again?”

There’s a guilty silence. Then, “Or maybe I just wanna see you, huh? You don’t know.”

“Tony.”

“Charlie’s the one that lost the spare,” Tony capitulates immediately, there’s an indignant “Hey!” somewhere in the background, “and I left my keys in my locker ‘cause I thought Charlie had his—”

There’s a scuffle of noise, then Charlie’s voice breaks in, “—don’t listen to him Davey, I asked him before we even got on the subway if he had his keys and he said he did but he didn’t even check—”

“—well, I thought you had yours, didn’t I?—”

“—and he was twenty minutes late picking me up from band practice because he was too busy making out with Spot Conlon to come help me carry my stuff—”

“—that was supposed to be a secret you little shit!”

“—you started it!”

Davey pulls the phone away from his ear as the other side of the line descends into a mess of indistinct yelling. He thinks about trying to get their attention, but he decides to just start heading towards the apartment, muting his side of the call while he waits them out—they’ll remember him eventually.

In the meantime, Davey sends a quick text:

Tony and Charlie locked themselves out of the house again

He’s not expecting a response, but Jack must be in-between projects because he gets one almost immediately.

jc again?

And you’re going to have to get a new spare made

fuck okay i’ll take care of it. are you heading over?

I’m walking there now

ur the light of my life dave

Davey can’t help but smile at this, a soft feeling fluttering in his chest. Before he can write back, Jack sends another text:

how did ur midterm go?

I feel good about it! Def did better than I thought it would!

duh youve been living in the library all week ofc ur gonna do great. ill swing by the grocery omw home and pick up some ice cream to celebrate. do we need anything else while im there?

Get a bell pepper and some tomato paste, I’m going to make spaghetti for dinner. And we need more laundry detergent.

fuck yes im starving! can we do garlic bread too?

Come home on time and we’ll see.

u drive a hard bargain. kerian owes me a favor so he can stay late tonight lol

“Davey?” The sound of Charlie’s voice, tinny and muffled, prompts Davey to lift his phone back to his ear; it seems like he might’ve been calling Davey’s name for a while. “Are you still there?”

“I’m still here,” Davey confirms.

“So are ya comin’ or what?” Tony cuts in, ever impatient. “I’m roasting out here!”

“Well, I was thinking about leaving you to ruminate on your poor life choices,” Davey responds dryly, “but I guess I can come let you in, since you asked so nicely.”

“Thanks, Davey,” Charlie says.

“I’ll be there soon,” Davey confirms.

“Hurry, will ya? Much longer and I’m gonna get heatstroke and die,” Tony declares.

Davey rolls his eyes. “Goodbye, Tony.”

00000

When he arrives at Jack’s building some twenty minutes later, Davey finds Tony and Charlie right where he expects them: crowded together in the little bit of shade the roof’s overhang offers, wearing identical grumpy expressions that brighten immediately when they spot him approaching.

"Finally!" Tony exclaims, shooting to his feet. "What took you so long?"

“Stop losing your keys and you won’t have to wait for me,” Davey counters, slotting his key into the deadbolt and hefting open the heavy exterior door. He props it open with his hip and lets Tony and Charlie scurry past him into the AC. “You couldn’t get anyone to buzz you in?”

“Old Man Davis hasn’t gotten his hearing aid replaced yet,” Charlie explains as they climb the stairs up to the second floor, “and Mrs. Ikeda isn’t home.”

“She joined a new book club,” Tony adds. “She won’t be back till late.”

“Oh, I’ll have to ask her about it when I see her next,” Davey muses.

He gets the apartment door unlocked and the boys pile inside, tossing their backpacks down with dramatic groans of relief.  Charlie makes a beeline for his bedroom; Davey expects Tony to do the same but he takes a seat at the kitchen table instead, booting up his laptop with a couple of keystrokes.

“I’ve got a paper due in English tomorrow,” Tony explains. “Can you look it over once it’s finished? Maybe later this evening”

“Of course,” Davey replies. “What’s it on?”

“Lord of the Flies.”

Davey’s nose wrinkles up. “Oh, I hated that one. What’s the essay prompt?”

“Identify Golding’s argument about human nature as proposed in Lord of the Flies,” Tony reads off the top of the assignment outline. “Then make an argument agreeing or disagreeing with his assessment, using evidence from the text.”

Davey rolls his eyes. “Good to see that high school literature classes haven’t changed much in the last few years,” he says with a sigh. “How much have you written so far?”

“Oh, I haven’t even started it yet,” Tony casually rebuts.

“Is everything going okay?” Davey asks, frowning slightly. “If things are getting worse we can make an appointment—”

But Tony waives his concerns aside. “Nah, this is regular old procrastination, not ADHD procrastination. Like ya said, Lord of the Flies sucks ass, so I just didn’t want to write it.”

“Well, let one of us know if you start having trouble,” Davey says.

"Okay, mom,” Tony agrees, somewhat distracted. He’s already got a blank document pulled up on his laptop, a battered and thoroughly dog-eared copy of the book laying open beside him.

Davey looks at him for another moment, then he shrugs and continues making his way into the kitchen—he figures there’s no need to worry unless Racer starts actually missing assignments. And he’s right: Lord of the Flies does suck ass.

By the time Jack gets home they’re each fully entrenched in different activities: Davey’s washed a sink full of dishes and is working on drying the last few pieces of silverware, Tony is still posted up at the kitchen table, carefully hammering out a draft of his paper, and there are the familiar sounds of Charlie working through different musical scales on his oboe in the back bedroom.

“Honey, I’m home!” Jack calls jokingly as he enters. There’s a rustle of plastic and soft thunk of the front door closing behind him, then he comes around the corner into the dining room with an armful of groceries.

“Hey, Jack,” Davey greets absently. He starts rifling through the bags almost before Jack can finish putting them down. “Did you get the tomato—?”

“I got the tomato paste,” Jack says, kicking off his shoes and leaving them in the entryway with all the others, “and I picked up some more of that fancy coffee you like from the place around the corner, even though it’s expensive as all hell.”

“Don’t judge me,” Davey replies, gathering up an armful of vegetables and carrying them further into the kitchen. “You spend a semester grading 'Intro to Shakespeare' homework and tell me how much caffeine you consume.”

“I’m just saying, the rest of us schmucks drink regular coffee and do just fine,” Jack continues. “You can feed your crippling caffeine addiction just as well with Folgers and it’ll cut down on the grocery bill.”

“Watch it, Kelly,” Davey says, pointing a finger teasingly in Jack’s direction. “Smartasses don’t get dinner.”

“‘s that so?” Jack asks with a grin. “Then why the hell are we still feeding Tony?”

“I heard that,” Tony grumbles from the kitchen table.

“Yeah, you were supposed to,” Jack says, moving over to Tony and slinging an arm around his shoulders, pulling him into a side hug. Tony bats at Jack’s hand but makes no real attempt to get away. Then Jack says, “So, I hear you and your brother lost another set of keys.”

Tony throws Davey a look of the deepest betrayal. “You told Jack?”

“Of course he did,” Jack says. “Someone’s gonna have to get new ones made, and it sure ain’t gonna be either half of the dynamic duo.”

“Charlie lost the spare,” Tony says, mercilessly throwing Charlie under the bus while he’s not in the room to defend himself. “And I didn’t lose my keys, I just left them in my locker.”

“Uh huh, save it for the judge,” Jack responds, ruffling Tony’s hair. “Just know if I end up having to change the deadbolt, it’s coming outta your subway money.”

“Jackie, leave Tony alone,” Davey comments mildly over Tony’s spluttering protests. “He needs to work on that paper and you’re distracting him.”

“Yeah, Jack,” Tony repeats, a little smug. “You’re distracting me.”

Davey turns to look at him, one eyebrow raised. Tony quickly busies himself with his homework.

Davey makes quick work of washing a green pepper and peeling an onion, then starts dicing both into small, neat pieces. He feels more than hears Jack sidle up behind him: the familiar weight of his gaze, the solid presence at his back. He stands there quietly, leaning against the counter-top and just watching Davey cook; unbothered, Davey leaves him be for the moment and moves to the stove, scraping the chopped vegetables off the cutting board and into a pan to start softening.

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Davey glances over his shoulder at Jack and says, “Are you just going to stand there or are you going to help me with this? You know there’s no loitering in my kitchen.”

“Well, I’m nothin’ if not a law abidin’ citizen,” Jack drawls in answer, the corner of his mouth quirking up. He rolls up his shirt sleeves, exposing the long, muscular line of his forearms, and washes his hands in the kitchen sink. “Where do you want me?”

Davey licks his lips. “Think you can handle browning the hamburger?”

“I’m sure I can manage,” Jack responds with a smirk.

Davey steps out of the way, letting Jack take his place in front of the sauce pan while he gets a pot of water set up on a different burner, salting it so it boils faster. They settle into their familiar dinner-routine, moving around and past each other with ease as they work on getting everything ready, chattering idly all the while.

“I’ve gotta head back out this evening,” Jack says at one point, as he sets the tray of garlic bread in the oven to toast. “Johnson’s got me working a night shoot and I have to be downtown by 9.”

“How long is the session?” Davey asks. “Here, will you open this?”

“We’re scheduled for five hours, but we might get to wrap it up early if everything goes well.” Jack’s hand brushes against the small of Davey’s back and they trade places again, Davey stepping back up to the stove-top and Jack rifling around in one of the drawers for a can opener.

“Are ya spendin’ the night or are ya headin’ back to campus?”

“Depends on how much help Tony needs with his paper,” Davey replies, shaking his head. He takes the can when Jack hands it back to him and empties it into the saucepan, then gives the whole thing a good stir. “We might be at it a while.”

Jack huffs out a laugh. “Well, if you do spend the night, go ahead and take the bed. The extra blankets are in the usual place.”

Davey sets down the spoon he’s holding, crossing his arms across his chest. “Jack,” he says warningly.

“Davey,” Jack echoes back in the exact same tone of voice. In the background there’s the faint sound of Tony muttering, “Jesus, not this again.”

“Jack, I’m not gonna kick you out of your bed,” Davey says, rehashing the same old argument for what feels like the millionth time. “I’m perfectly fine taking the couch.”

“Or you could do the smart thing and just take the bed,” Jack counters as he always does. “I’m not even gonna be here to use it.”

“You’ll want an actual mattress when you get home, especially if you’re out late.” Davey argues. “I don’t even have class tomorrow, it’ll be fine.”

“If you don’t take the bed I’ll just carry you in there once I get back,” Jack says, as if that's a perfectly reasonable course of action. “So you might as well save me the trouble.”

Davey sputters. “That’s not— You can’t just— That only happened a couple of times!” he finally gets out.

"Well, actually, it's been more like four or five times," Jack says with a smirk. "But hey, who's counting?"

"That trick won't keep working," Davey grumbles, feeling the back of his neck start to heat up.

“You sleep like a fucking rock, Dave,” Jack says, rolling his eyes. “Why wouldn’t it keep working?”

“No, see, that’s exactly why I should take the couch,” Davey insists. “It’s not like the sound of you coming in will wake me up—”

Jack turns to face him. Davey cuts off, slightly startled—he hadn’t realized they were standing so close to each other.

“Just take the bed, Davey,” Jack all but orders, and those dark eyes with that low voice are a heady combination. “Please?”

Davey bites at his lower lip, suddenly flustered. “Fine,” he reluctantly concedes, hoping Jack will attribute his flushed face to the heat of the kitchen. “Just this once.”

"Thank you," Jack says with a dramatic heave of his chest, looking much too pleased with himself. "Now that wasn't so hard, was it?"

"You're letting the garlic bread burn," Davey answers tartly.

"Oh shit—!"

00000

Later that evening, after they’ve all finished eating and have cleaned up, Davey, Tony, and Charlie are still gathered around the table, working on various assignments.

Davey is finishing the readings for his Monday lecture in between helping Tony finalize the exact wording of his essay. Charlie sits opposite him, working through his geometry homework and every so often there’s a huff of breath and the rubbery scratch of an eraser—Davey makes a mental note to swipe some more pencils and notebook paper from the grad lounge when he’s there next.

Davey notices the time and frowns. “Jack,” he calls out, “it’s already 7:30. If you don’t leave soon you’re gonna be late for work.”

There’s a clamor of noise from down the hall, then Jack appears, freshly showered and fumbling to put on his socks and button up a clean shirt at the same time.

“Fuck, Johnson is gonna kill me,” Jack grumbles. He pats down his pockets, then groans. “Christ, has anyone seen my—”

“Your wallet and keys are on the counter by the microwave,” Davey says, pointing. “And take a jacket, it’s supposed to rain later.”

“Great, I’m sure the models will love that,” Jack says with a groan. “Hopefully we’ll be able to get through everything without getting rained out.”

He meanders his way over to the table, peering at Charlie’s homework from over his shoulder. “If Tony is still busy and ya get stuck, text me,” Jack tells him. “I probably won't be able to answer right away, but if ya send me a picture of the problem I can probably talk ya through it between shots.”

Charlie hums his acknowledgment, still scribbling furiously. Jack turns to Tony.

“Listen to whatever Davey tells you about your paper,” he advises. “The only reason I got through undergraduate writing was ‘cause Davey proofread all my shit before I turned it in.”

“I thought I was s’pposed to always listen to Davey,” Tony says distractedly, tongue poking out between his teeth as he types.

Jack pauses, considering. “Yeah, just do that.”

“Jack—”

“Oh, and Dave cooked, so you shitheads better do the dishes, get me?”

“Jack, you’re gonna be late,” Davey cuts in firmly, holding out Jack’s jacket for him.

“Alright, I’m going,” Jack says, shrugging it on, and he finally starts making moves towards the door.

He gives Charlie one last pat on the shoulder and cuffs Tony lightly across the back of the head in a slightly rougher, but no less affectionate goodbye, which is per usual. Then he turns to Davey, tips his chin up, and kisses him right on the mouth, short and sweet.

“Lock the door behind me and don’t forget to—” Jack stops mid-sentence, then turns bright red.

“Um,” says Charlie.

“Holy shit,” says Tony.

Jack’s mouth opens and closes soundlessly. Finally, he stammers out, “I u-uh— I-I d-didn’t mean—“

Davey doesn’t respond. He couldn’t, even if he wanted to—he’s frozen in place, his mind a sudden wash of static. For a moment, they just stare at each other. Then Jack blurts, “gottagoseeyoulaterbye,” and bolts out the front door.

Davey’s not sure how long he stands there, staring blankly into space, utterly dumbfounded.

“Davey?” Charlie asks hesitantly. “Are you okay?”

There’s a strangled, choking noise. A split second later, Davey realizes it’s coming from him.

"...What just happened?"

[bangtans-peaceful-piegon]

My Cup of Tea: Prologue

My Cup Of Tea: Prologue | YoongixReader

Warnings for this Chapter: none, just a post-breakup suffering OC who is saved by a whole Min Yoongi

“Coffee is bitter, so people add a little bit of sugar or creamer until it suits their taste. However, once it’s added it can’t be separated. It’s also addictive, it’s your choice to keep it as your poison or to control how much you take. Some people need it, some people don’t...In that case, it really isn’t their cup of tea.”

A/N: im finally deciding to post this after who knows how long sajkdfhd,, tysm for beta reading this for me @jtrbluv !!! again u were a huge help because the tag game you tagged me in gave me the final push to actually post this fic thats been collecting dust in my drafts. ily boo !!! <3 it also took a while because i wanted to do more research for this fic. i dont think ive read about or drank so much tea in my life for the past few months. pls enjoy the prologue everyone!

Word Count: 1,600+

You sat in the worn out leather booth, eyes trained on the steaming mug in front of you.

What just happened?

Something that took five years to grow ended in mere seconds.

Five years of dedication.

Five years of convincing yourself it would work out, that it could be fixed.

Five years spent on a relationship that should’ve ended before it began.

You mindlessly took a sip of your coffee hissing as the hot brew burnt your tongue, mind drifting back to the argument that occurred hours ago...

“You’re never here!”

“Was I not enough for you?”

“Where’s the old Y/N that I knew and loved?”

You weren’t sure about what was said after that except for... “I’m seeing someone else.”

The bruising pain on your tongue began to throb and you couldn’t help the tears that formed.

You never liked coffee, but the café was your favorite place. 

Perhaps it was the enticing aroma that attracted you every time you walked in, or maybe it was the cleverly thought out name that was in the form of childlike puns: Bearly Awake Brew.

Either way, you couldn’t despise coffee any more than you already did in this moment.

“Are you alright?”

You whipped your head up to see a man standing above you.

Through your bleary eyes you could make out a set of kind brown ones shielded by black frames which rested atop a boopable nose. On his head, a black mop of neatly trimmed hair along with soft cheeks paired with a soft jawline.

The man was dressed in a black turtle-neck and long-coat as if returning from a meeting discussing the newest stocks and bonds of business.

After a small, possibly noticeable, ogling of the stranger, you shook your head ‘no.’

He motioned to the seat across from you raising his brows inquisitively, “May I?” 

This time you slowly nodded.

He seemed harmless enough, and even if he tried anything there was pepper spray in your purse.

You sniffled as he took a seat.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No y-you wouldn’t understand.” He leaned forward onto his elbows—a determined furrow in his brow.        

“Try me.”

Who was this guy? He didn’t come off as threatening but somewhat… familiar.

You couldn’t quite place his face or remember his name.

“Not yet, right now I just need a good cry,” you replied sinking further into your seat.

“Alright.” He said, shrugging and not saying much, or really, nothing.

He sat across from you— not making eye contact but quietly observing the café.

Several questions raised in your mind: Where did he come from? Why is he here of all places? Did someone send him with the intention to make you feel even more like a fool than you already did?

“Don’t you have anything better to do?” you asked when the silence became a little too long.

“No, not really...” he replied slowly. “Would you like me to leave?”

“No, I mean, it’s just-“ you hesitated, “You’re fine,”

“Ok then.”

Silence.

One look at him and it’d be hard to believe women find him approachable, but the man came up to you.

Much less, while you were on the verge of outright bawling in the middle of a café.

“What’s your name?” you asked, initiating conversation. You might as well since he was there.

“Yoongi. Yours?” You hesitated knowing it wasn’t fair to not give him your name.

“I’ll reassure you I’m not a stalker, at least not the bad kind.”

You let out an amused scoff, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

He chuckles and you couldn’t help but enjoy the sound.

Were you really that joy deprived?

“Ok then, I’m Min Yoongi, and I’m a stocker. As in I distribute and track merchandise in stores.” he reaches a hand out to shake and you can’t help but stare at it.

“Well go on I won’t bite,” you huffed a laugh, taking his hand and shaking it.

He smiles and you can’t help but return it.

Who is this guy?

“Why don’t we go for a walk?”

You contemplate his offer.

You had just met him but you hadn’t had casual conversation in a while… or hung out with friends for that matter. So maybe it’d be good for you after-

“Sure let’s go,” You replied immediately while standing up, maybe a little too quickly— your chair scratching the wooden floors and making a startling sound as you headed to the door.

He raised his brows in surprise at the sudden burst of energy before trailing behind you, ignoring the stares of café patrons.

“Hey wait up!”

-

This was another reason why you visited the quaint coffee shop often.

The park outside was always bustling with life and energy.

There was a little pond where ducks would glide across its surface diving from time to time, scavenging for the weeds at the bottom, maybe even getting sustenance from people who were ignorant of the ‘Do not feed the ducks’ sign.

It also had an open field where locals and families would enjoy the hot summer days by setting up little camps with blankets and food or even play small games of football or soccer.

While children played in the vast expanse of green, parents would sit back and converse with strangers forming new friendships. It was a place of change and growth and you loved it.

“So,” Yoongi continued as you both walked down the dirt path, “other than your name, and why you were crying in my café, is there anything about you I have yet to know?” Your cheeks flushed red as you shifted your sight to the ground.

“There’s nothing much really,” you replied with a shrug before backtracking his sentence, “Wait, your café?”

“Don’t change the subject. There’s got to be one thing about you… how about your favorite color?”

You purse your lips at the dodging of the question, albeit a basic one, but it was a start. “I guess Rainbow,”

He nodded with a hum, “Wise choice,”

You let out a huff of amusement, “Alright wise guy, what’s yours?”

He pondered for a moment before affirmatively replying, “Black,”

You hummed. “Kind of... dark, isn’t it?”

He turned around and shrugged, “I’d say the rainbow but you took it already,”

You scoffed, resuming your place beside him.

He continued asking basic questions to which you replied and vice versa.

You liked dogs, but him on the other hand didn’t have a favorite animal, at least until he adopted a poodle which made him keen on the creatures, more specifically one named Holly.

You were allergic to bees and he was allergic to cats.

You both enjoyed a variation of music from rap to classical piano music, but the question also led to a debate on what artist is the most superior to all.

Neither of you won, and concluded neither lost with valid points made during said argument.

It only felt like minutes had gone by but wasn’t until you looked at the time that you realized how late it was.

The crowd at the park had begun to thin out while shops surrounding the area were beginning to close for the day.

The once bright sunlight began to fade behind clouds as it began its descent to the horizon.

“I should probably be heading home,” you cut in politely before he could delve into the topic of what they would do in a post-apocalyptic world.

“Oh,” he replied, obviously disappointed.

He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “Well could I ask you one more thing?”

You nodded expecting it to be another ‘get to know you’ question or something along the lines of ‘if you had to would cut your arm or leg off?’ but it was something much more complicated.

“Can I get your number?”

You stiffened, unsure how to respond.

You weren’t sure if he was asking as a friend or a man with an ulterior motive.

Could you really do it?

Especially after you had just-

“I’m sorry that came out wrong,” He quickly mended, fumbling his words, realizing your distress.

“I think you’re really great, and I’d like us to continue talking. Just two people who enjoy each other’s company, you know?”

You looked up at him and saw he was offering to be friends that would be nothing more.

You couldn’t deny: you had fun.

For the first time in a long time.

Maybe it wasn’t a relationship you needed, but a friendship.

You smiled, “I’d like that,”

You reached into your pocket pulling out your phone, “Here.”

You both swapped devices, putting in the respective numbers. Once the contact was added, you returned each device to the rightful owner.

He grinned, holding up his phone, “How about a contact photo?” 

You smiled, nodding as you  stood beside him while  he took a selfie of you side-by-side. Once the picture was taken he slid his phone into his pocket. “Thanks,” he glanced down at the phone, that darn smile growing on his face, “Y/N. I’ll talk to you soon?” 

You nodded and finally split ways.

As you began the trek toward your apartment a dopey smile remained plastered on your face.

Maybe everything would be alright.

[selne]

     ◜  *  hi  hello  everybody!!!  i'm  billie  (  she/her,  21  )  &  i'm  here  to  introduce  everybody  to  miss  selene  ishii,  your  resident  mystery  novelist  &  overall  cutie.  if  you'd  like  to  plot  please  don't  hesitate  to  take  a  gander  at  my  connections  page  &  feel  free  to  drop  a  like  for  a  dm  ♡.

𓏲  ՞  ˖  🍀    𓂃    ogawa  mizuki  (  léa  ),  cis  woman,  she/her.          have  you  seen  selene  ishii  around  town?  she  can  often  be  found  at  the  brew  commune,  &  you’ll  be  able  to  recognize  them  by  her  seemingly  permanently  ink  stained  fingers.  the  24  year  old  is  a  mystery  novelist  and  has  been  residing  in  solaris  for  seven  months.  the  aquarius  often  reminds  the  residents  of  frayed  edges  on  a  well  worn  sweater,  crinkled  eyes  hidden  behind  round  glasses,  and  the  mischief  an  empty  street  at  night  invites.

𝙺𝙾𝚃𝙾𝚁𝙸 𝙸𝚂𝙷𝙸𝙸.

born  to  two  middle  class  high  school  teachers,  kotori  ishii  was  brought  to  this  world  wrapped  in  love  and  care  and  laughter.

with  a  mother  that  was  loud  and  vivacious  and  passionate,  and  a  father  that  was  quiet  and  reserved  and  kind,  kotori  took  after  the  best  of  both  of  them  and  quickly  became  the  apple  of  their  eyes.

kotori  grew  up  with  a  warmth  that  charmed  most  of  the  people  she  met,  and  a  clumsiness  that  endeared  her  to  them,  but  little  miss  sunshine  (  as  her  father  liked  to  call  her  )  always  had  a  nose  for  trouble.  she  was  constantly  looking  for  adventure,  straying  off  the  yellow  brick  road  to  chase  down  the  interesting  looking  bird  flying  over  head,  or  climbing  over  a  locked  fence  to  see  what  was  hidden  behind.

seeing  this  behaviour,  her  parents  sought  to  correct  it  by  encouraging  her  to  read  books  with  adventure  in  them  rather  than  seek  her  own,  and  to  their  delight,  kotori  took  to  the  stories  with  ease.

it  was  when  she  was  old  enough  to  finally  begin  reading  agatha  christie  that  kotori  felt  something  click  in  place.  all  the  mysteries  she'd  read  that  were  written  for  kids  were  good,  yes,  but  nothing  beyond  that.  the  world  of  agatha  christie,  however?  it  was  magnificent,  and  kotori  couldn't  get  enough.

she  doesn't  start  writing  her  own  mysteries  until  she's  in  high  school,  even  under  the  watchful  eye  of  her  mother  as  she  taught  english,  and  her  father  as  he  spouted  off  about  math.  she  was  never  quite  careful  enough  to  completely  hide  it  from  her  parents,  but  they  were  both  simply  happy  that  she  found  a  passion  of  her  own.

after  that  it  was  writing  competitions  and  posting  anonymously  on  different  websites.  it  was  winning  and  impressing  the  people  around  her  but  it  wasn't  enough,  not  really.  kotori  wanted  her  own  book.  hard  back.  she  wanted  her  name  on  the  cover  and  she  wanted  to  see  it  sitting  on  a  shelf  in  a  bookstore.

her  parents  had  said:  don't  be  disappointed  if  you  don't  get  results.  her  agent  had  said:  what  if  you  went  by  selene  instead?

𝚂𝙴𝙻𝙴𝙽𝙴.

selene  leaves  kotori  behind  when  her  first  book  gets  published.  mononyms  are  in,  her  agent  had  said,  and  she'd  said,  okay  then.  her  first  book  becomes  something  of  a  sensation.  people  whispering  about  how  someone  so  young  could  write  a  book  like  that,  how  someone  completely  unknown  could  write  a  book  like  that.

she  is  twenty  and  she  makes  headlines  and  does  interviews  and  answers  calls  from  her  parents  crying  about  how  proud  they  are  on  the  other  end  of  the  line.  and  it's  a  lot.  it's  too  much.  selene  wanted  her  book  on  the  shelf,  she  wanted  her  book  to  be  read,  but  the  rest  of  it?  the  rest  of  it  she  could  live  without.

when  she  was  fifteen  and  writing  the  first  draft  of  her  first  novel  she  had  never  thought  about  the  fame.  even  when  she  was  twenty  and  looking  at  her  own  display  in  the  bookstore  she  had  never  thought  about  the  fame.  she  was  not  a  celebrity,  not  in  any  way  she  thought  counted,  so  then  why?

eventually,  someone,  somehow,  someway,  found  the  address  to  the  apartment  complex  she  was  living  in,  and  on  her  twenty  first  birthday  she  got  an  anonymous  present  dropped  off  in  front  of  her  door.  it  was  an  innocent  little  thing,  a  snow  globe  and  a  little  thank  you  note,  but  it  was  enough.  it  was  enough  to  make  selene  wary,  and  a  paranoid,  and  think  about  people  less  kind  also  knowing  where  she  lived.

she  moves.  and  that  solved  the  issue,  for  a  while.  but  then  she  dropped  her  second  book,  aged  twenty  three  and  a  half,  and  the  next  week  there  was  an  abundance  of  gifts  waiting  for  her.  she  stays  this  time,  but  doesn't  open  the  presents,  and  her  parents,  seeing  her  uncomfortable  shifting  and  wide  eyes,  they  tell  her  about  solaris.

and  so  she  picks  up  everything  and  disappears.  only  her  parents  and  her  agent  know  she  is  now  residing  in  solaris,  and  selene  would  very  much  like  to  keep  it  that  way.  meanwhile,  her  fans,  her  critics,  her  friends,  they  wonder,  where  is  selene?

𝙱𝚁𝙴𝙰𝙺𝙳𝙾𝚆𝙽.

selene  came  to  solaris  to  run  from  everything,  basically.  and  now  she's  here,  finally  relaxed,  to  work  on  her  third  book  in  peace.

in  terms  of  personality,  she's  very  friendly.  very  warm  and  inviting,  always  wearing  a  big  smile  and  saying  hello  with  a  friendly  wave.  she  babbles  a  lot,  though,  especially  if  she  isn't  fully  comfortable  with  you  yet.  she'll  fill  the  awkward  silences  with  unending  chatter.

she's  also  very  passionate,  especially  about  writing  but  that  translates  to  anything  she  likes.  you  can  tell  when  she's  talking  about  something  she  likes  because  her  smile  gets  wider  and  her  eyes  go  brighter  and  her  gestures  become  bigger  and  more  exaggerated.

even  though  she's  grown  now,  she  still  yearns  for  adventure  as  much  as  she  did  when  she  was  a  child.  in  fact,  sometimes  she  thinks  about  writing  adventure  novels  instead  of  mysteries,  but  she's  afraid  to  branch  out  incase  it  won't  work  and  people  hate  it.

can  get  kind  of  stubborn.  if  you  argue  with  her  she  will  get  huffy  and  put  one  hand  on  her  hip  and  furrow  her  eyebrows  and  use  her  other  hand  to  poke  a  finger  at  your  chest.  mostly  refuses  to  compromise  or  bend  her  opinion  on  something,  unless  you're  Very  very  convincing.

if  you  tell  her  you  don't  like  her  work,  she  Will  cry.  she'll  say  it's  okay  and  she  gets  that  not  everyone  will  like  what  she  writes,  but  she  will  definitely  be  emo  about  it.

𝙱𝙾𝙾𝙺𝚂.

first  novel  :  dancing  shoes  by  SELENE. blurb  :  a  ballet  academy  is  the  perfect  place  for  secrets,  and  zola  academy  of  dance  is  no  exception.  however,  when  on  the  eve  of  zola's  annual  production  of  giselle,  nothing  is  found  of  principal  dancer  maia  chang  but  her  dancing  shoes,  those  secrets  might  be  in  danger  of  coming  to  light. rating  :  4.07/5  stars  on  g**dreads.

second  novel  :  the  fifth  floor  by  SELENE. description  :  sitting  in  the  middle  of  an  ordinary  town,  lies  an  ordinary  office  building,  filled  with  ordinary  people.  there  is  nothing  ordinary,  however,  about  how  every  year,  without  fail,  at  8pm  on  march  23rd,  somebody  will  jump  to  their  death  from  the  fifth  window  on  the  fifth  floor. rating  :  4.29/5  stars  on  g**dreads.

third  novel  :  n/a  (  first  draft  in  progress  ). description  :  n/a. rating  :  n/a.

𝙿.𝚂.

thats  all  folks!!!  thanks  for  getting  through  all  that  <333  again,  i’d  love  to  plot  so  feel  free  to  like  this  for  an  im,  or  hit  me  up  on  discord  at  :  !!!#2428.

[pretendcnco]

starcrossed - christopher velez

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ: *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* :･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ ･ﾟ:*

or the long awaited sequel to caminos destructivos

word count: 5.5k

note: currently feeling like this video lmao, but hi, I hope you’re all well, I haven't posted in the actual longest time. I did lose a lot of motivation for many things, writing being one of them but this has been in my drafts for months and I’m lowkey proud of it so I finally decided to post it. I hope y'all enjoy my own overplayed rendition of Romeo and juliet LMAO. im slowly getting back into the mindset of writing so just be patient with me, I do see the unanswered asks and will try my best to work on them but really, no promises. but again, hope u enjoy :)

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✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ: *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* :･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ ･ﾟ:*

From the moment Christopher Velez stepped foot into town, rumours circulated around him. Rumours about his tough looking exterior, the tattoo on his hand, and the reasons as to why he had moved to town. Whispers were heard all around town about him. He didn’t fit in, it was obvious. His dark wardrobe contrasted immensely from the bright apparel most of the town's population donned. He was quiet, never really speaking unless spoken to, trying to make as little impact in his last year of high school as he could.

But that was until he met her.

He knew about her before he officially met her, of course. Most of the trophies in the school's front office held her name, her face adorned the many pictures hung up on the walls. Class president, Model UN, Debate Club, Environmental Rallies, Scholarships, Soccer, Cheer. Everyone knew her name, her face, she was the star student. But what surprised him was that she didn’t have a group of followers mindlessly trailing after her, rather she was always with just one other girl. This intrigued him because she didn’t seem larger than life, like how the school portrayed her, she seemed rather normal. She was humble, at first glance no one would think she was the Y/N L/N that everyone talked about. He supposed that was what intrigued him about her. He questioned how someone so accomplished in her young age could be so humble about it. Maybe because he grew up around people who would always brag about their accomplishments, no matter how horrible they were.

Christopher wouldn’t describe himself as someone who didn’t care about school, but some things presented themselves in his life that made it one of his lowest priorities. He always zoned out when the guidance counselor began talking to him about his future, because she always said the same: he didn’t have one. His grades were inconsistent, as was his attendance, and his test scores were, let’s just say, not the best. He knew he didn’t have a bright future, you didn’t need to tell him, but it wasn’t because he didn’t want one, he so badly did. He wanted to be able to provide for his family in the right way, he wanted to do something meaningful with his life, but ultimately the stars choose a different path for him.

Catching the school- no the town- angel’s attention was not what he had planned to do. He was okay with just watching her from afar, never in a million years believing a girl like her would go for a guy like him. But that night at the party, the night he decided to make his move, waiting to be rejected, he was surprised to find her kissing him back, with as much, if not more, want as he had.

She was intoxicating to say the least. Her innocence excited him, the idea that he knew things she didn’t, that he could teach her those things, excited him.

But the backlash of their relationship was immediate. Her brother was no fan of him, taking every chance he could to let Christopher know how much he didn’t deserve his sister. Chris didn’t take his threats seriously, knowing he could take him easily, but he tried to respect him, he was Y/N’s brother after all.

It was difficult, keeping their relationship discreet, especially when Chris couldn’t keep his hands off of her. Despite what her brother and most of the town believed, Christopher didn’t want Y/N just to sleep with her, to purposefully corrupt her. He wanted her because she was smart, care-free, and kind. Very different from the people he used to hang around back home. He could stay up late on the phone every night because she always had something interesting to talk about, he enjoyed listening to the way she thought, the things she cared about. But he also wasn’t going to deny that she was an amazing kisser, despite her lack of experience.

Christopher didn’t plan on breaking her heart. But he also didn’t plan on having all he ran from be unearthed in this new town. He ran from it for a reason. He looks back now and wishes he could have changed something, anything, to make things better, but in reality he had no idea what. He believed Y/N to be his saving grace, a gift from God in the hopes of turning Christopher’s life around, but now he assumed his actions had caught up to him, and God himself realized Christopher didn’t deserve something as good as Y/N.

ten days until zabdiel’s end of the year party

Christopher’s arm was slung over Y/N’s shoulder as they sat in the front seat of the truck Benito let him borrow. Her legs were tucked under her as she cuddles in close to him, both of them watching the movie being played that night at the drive-in. She lets out a small chuckle at the joke one of the characters say and he glances towards her. The light from the film lights up her face, her lips plastered in a permanent smile. She was so beautiful, he couldn’t believe she was his. And this is what prompts him to lean down and place a kiss on her cheek.

She looks up at him then.

“What was that for?” She questions, eyeing his small smile.

“Nada, you're just so beautiful.”

Her face heats up at his words, compliments from him always making butterflies erupt in her belly.

“Oh, stop.” She says with a small laugh, nervously moving her gaze down. At this, Christopher lets out a small chuckle and places a hand under her chin, lifting her head to meet his gaze. Their eyes meet and Y/N couldn’t help but get lost in them. And then he’s slowly meeting their lips together. She smiles into the kiss as he wraps his arms around her, pulling her onto his lap. His hands settle on the backs of her thighs, her arms wrapping around his neck. He begins trailing kisses down her neck, reveling in the way her eyes flutter shut at his actions. He sucks on the spot under her ear, earning a small gasp from her.

“Chris,” She breathes out, her hands gripping his shoulders at the sensations.

And suddenly, all that is heard is hoots and laughter as small pebbles hit the trucks windows. It was no secret in town that kids came to the drive-in to hook up, and of course there were the dumbasses who made a big deal whenever they saw a couple too close in the car.

Y/N jumps away from Chris, letting out a small laugh as more pebbles hit the car. She glances towards her window and her smile suddenly drops.

“Fuck,” she mutters. Chris eyes her warily as she gets off him and scoots to roll down the window. The boy outside's laughter immediately stops when he sees who the couple in the car was.

“Wait until your brother hears about this.” The boy says, shaking his head. Chris was utterly confused, did they know each other ?

Y/N scowls at the boy outside the window before speaking.

“Fuck off Johann, don’t you have something better to do than be Michael’s lap dog?”

The boy’s, Johann's, eyes widen in shock, mouth popping open at Y/N’s remark. Chris stifles a laugh upon seeing the boys face, and Johann turns to face him.

“You just wait, you don’t fucking belong here and we’ll show you.”

Y/N sticks up her middle finger in the boys face and rolls up the window. She lets out a loud sigh and straightens her shirt.

“I’m sorry about him. My brother and his friends are a pain in the ass, but you already knew.” She tells him and Chris shrugs.

“It’s okay, hermosa.” He tells her, leaning down to peck her cheek. “Let’s get out of here.” He mutters and she nods. Chris sets the car in drive and pulls out of the field, eyes meeting Johanns as he passes, the other boys gaze filled with hate.

Later that night, Chris finds himself looking after the supermarket as Benito had other matters to attend to. Y/N was long asleep at this point and he watches the clock, waiting for midnight to hit. When the clock read 12, he quickly gathers his stuff and heads out. He clicks the lock shut and shoves the key into his jacket pocket before beginning his walk back to Benito’s.

“Christopher.” A voice shakes Chris out of his thoughts and he turns to find the one person he didn’t want to see. Chris sighs heavily as Micheal, Y/N’s brother, jogs over to him.

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you.”

“I think I’ve heard enough.” Chris states simply. He heard all the things Micheal said about him, thought about him. They were whispered around town and he caught words as he walked by, he didn’t need to hear more. Christopher turns without another word and walks away, feeling Micheal’s burning stars like a target on his back.

seven days until zabdiel’s end of the year party

“Yo, who would’ve thought Y/N would end up with you?” Richard says with a laugh as he receives the newly rolled blunt from Zabdiel. The rest of the boys chuckle at his words and Chris just smiles, blowing out a puff of smoke from his mouth.

“I don’t even know.” He admits.

“You’re treating her right, right?” Erick asks, taking a sip of his drink. Chris looks up at the younger boy from where he was sitting. He knew Erick saw Y/N as a sister, so of course he was a little protective.

“Of course.” He states and Erick nods. If Y/N was happy, he was happy.

They were all currently chilling at the Camacho family’s mechanic shop, where Richard worked part-time. After hours they all gathered there to smoke and drink, unbeknownst to his father of course.

A knock at the metal garage doors brings all the boys attention to the group of people sauntering into the shop. Richard stands from his seat and quickly hides the blunt in his hand. Zabdiel and Joel fan the air, trying to rid the area of the obvious smell of weed.

“We’re closed, bro.” Richard says to the group of boys walking in.

“Yeah we know.” The tallest boy says, and when they finally step into the light, Christopher quickly sits up. Y/N’s brother and his pack of goons walk towards them, their sights set on him.

“We’re just looking for one person.” Micheal, simply states. Christopher’s jaw clenches as he sits up straighter.

Richard steps in between the two boys.

“Listen, you’re not gonna start this shit here.” The red-haired boy tells Y/N’s brother. “Now I’d really like if you all just turn around and get the fuck out of here.”

“We just wanna talk to him.” Micheal says, pointedly looking at Chris. The other boys turn to face him before looking back at Y/N’s brother and his friends.

“We know you guys don’t want to just talk.” Joel states.

“And if you’re trying to start something, piénsalo otra vez.” Zabdiel speaks up, standing and crossing his arms over his chest.

“Listen, you just let us have a talk with our friend here,” Micheal begins, motioning towards Christopher. “We don’t mean any harm to you guys.”

“Bro, we already told you, get outta here. If you want Christopher, you have us too.”

Now all the boys stood, staring down the other group.

“I suggest you back down Richard, unless you want the whole town knowing Joel passes your drug tests for you.” Richards stare was pure rage, and Joel shifts uncomfortably next to him.

“And you Zabdiel, how about that girl you knocked up last year? How is she doing?” Zabdiel pauses, fists clenched at his sides, not having expected that to come out of his mouth. Christopher watched the scene unfold, knowing exactly where this was going. Despite the small towns shiny exterior, there were heavy secrets lying just below the surface. Christopher’s was one of them. The life he ran from, the reason he moved to a completely new country, the thing he’s been trying to keep hidden for months. Christopher held his breath, just waiting for Micheal to spill his own secrets. His heart was beating so wildly in his chest he couldn’t hear, or didn’t want to hear, the rest of the conversation. Before he knew it, a punch was thrown. Christopher is thrown back into reality at Erick’s shout and he turns to see Johann and Richard in a violent embrace, both boys trying to get the other to back down, however bloody that left them. Somewhere on his left, this same messy dance was started by Zabdiel and another of Micheal’s friends. Joel and Erick watch with wide eyes as Micheal walks towards Christopher. Erick acts first, trying to push Micheal away, but to no avail. And before Chris knew, Micheal’s fist collided with his face. Joel and Erick were on him now, struggling to pry off Micheal from Christopher. Micheal manages to get in another hit before Joel and Erick completely pull him off. Chris was bleeding, he reaches up to wipe the blood from his mouth. His ears are ringing, the blows to the head he received not working in his favor.

“This is the last time I tell you. Stay the fuck away from my sister.” Micheal spits out as Joel and Erick push him away. Christopher looks around to see Zabdiel and Richard panting heavily, Richards eyebrow was split and Zabdiel had a bruise growing on his cheek.

“And the longer you guys protect him, the more likely all your secrets are gonna come out.” Micheal spits onto the ground next to Christopher, blood dripping from the one place Chris managed to land a punch. Without another word, Micheal and his boys depart. Chris and the others watch their figures depart, dark silhouettes against the stores warm yellow lights.

“Fuck,” Richard mutters. “Fuck!” He shouts, kicking a beer can so hard it hits the metal garage doors with a loud bang.

“How did he know about Zabdi? And Richard?” Joel whispers. No one answers, because no one had a clue. But they were all thinking the same, if he knew that, what else did he know?

“I’m sorry.” Chris says. Zabdiel shakes his head. He saunters over to the small refrigerator and tosses Chris a cold beer. Chris places the can on his face, hoping to lessen the swell before he got home, he didn’t want Benito to think he was doing the same things he was doing back in Ecuador.

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” Zabdiel tells him.

“Si, I don’t think loving a girl is wrong.” Erick mutters, and a silent agreement is shared throughout the room.

Chris leaves the shop that night with guilt hanging heavy on his mind. He apologized again and again to the boys, but they kept telling him it was okay. But it wasn’t, it wasn’t okay.

As he begins his walk back home, his phone pings. He hoped it was a message from Y/N, she was the only person that could cheer him up in an instant. But as he unlocked his phone, he saw the message wasn’t from Y/N, rather from an unknown number. He eyes his phone warily as he clicks on the message. There were pictures, pictures of Christopher. His throat instantly felt dry and he looked around him, a shiver running down his spine as he eyes the dark expanse behind him. He turns his attention back to his phone to examine the photos. They were pictures that didn’t put Chris in a very good looking position. Goosebumps erupt on his arms, and it wasn’t because of the cold. A message pops on his phone.

Unknown: leave her or this will be released.

Chris: fuck you

Unknown: you have until the end of the week.

Chris eyes his phone in disbelief. He ran from this, but here it was to be the end of him.

The next morning Chris was surprised to see Y/N at his door. Rushing to pull on a shirt and get to the door before Benito did, he slides out of his room, breathless when he finally opens the door. He opens it to reveal his angel. Y/N stood in front of him, a bright smile on her lips and a tray of cupcakes in her hands. Chris peeks outside, notices Benito’s truck is gone and looks back at Y/N, a sly smirk on his face. He reaches towards her and quickly pulls her in, maneuvering the cupcakes from between them and just as quickly placing their lips together. Y/N makes no complaints, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him close. Chris relaxes in her hold, the only place he has felt truly at peace since leaving Ecuador. Their lips meet in small, slow kisses, savoring the moment together. After a while, he pulls away, placing his head in the crook of her neck, inhaling her scent, the tropical smell of her perfume that always reminded him of her. Y/N places her hand in his hair as Chris holds her tight.

“Erick told me what happened.” She mutters, and Chris sighs. He pulls away and walks to the kitchen. “I’m sorry, Chris.” She says, following him into the kitchen. She leans against the doorframe and watches as he paces back and forth. He looks up at her, his big brown eyes caught in the morning light.

“You don’t have anything to be sorry about, hermosa.” He tells her before turning to pull out two mugs.

It was her turn to sigh now. She steps towards him, wrapping her arms around his waist from behind and resting her head on his shoulder as he prepares them coffee.

“I just wish things were easier.” She mutters. He chuckled softly before placing a kiss on her head.

“If everything was easy, there would be nothing to fight for, right?”

He just wanted to make her feel better, but how he wished things were easier too.

The rest of the morning was spent with Y/N and Chris wrapped in each other’s arms, tangled in his sheets. She had fallen asleep, huddled up into his side. He watched the way her chest slowly rose and fell as he drew small circles on her arm. He kept thinking about those photos, that threat, and what it could mean to him, what it could mean to Y/N. His head was full of what he could do, how he could fix this. He had no clue. Before he could think anymore, he felt Y/N stir in her sleep. She smiles when she notices him looking at her.

“Hi.” She says and he smiles, slightly giggling at how messy her hair was.

“Hola.” She sleepily grabs her phone off of his bedside table and in an instant sat up.

“Shit, I have practice in an hour.” She exclaims, quickly getting up to get her things in order. Chris sits up to watch her.

“Do you have to go?” He questions. At the moment he didn’t feel safe. Tough, punches-first-talking-later Christopher Veléz was afraid. He wasn’t sure what these people wanted, he didn’t know who they were. But they knew him, and they knew where he was and that was enough. He didn’t want to worry Y/N just yet, but he supposed because his nerves were so high, Y/N took notice anyway. She looks up at him, a worried look on her face. She promptly drops her bag at the foot of his bed and abandons her efforts to put her shoe on to approach him. She crawls across the bed to straddle his waist and without words Christopher pulls her close, wrapping his arms around her and snuggling his head in the crook of her neck.

“It’ll be okay, Chris. My brother can’t make decisions for me and I won’t let him continue tormenting you like this.” She unconsciously runs her hand through his hair, force of habit.

He chuckles a little at her words. His worries were much bigger than her brother, but he couldn’t tell her. He couldn’t.

“You’re so tough, hermosa, but you don’t need to protect me.” He says, lifting his head up to meet her eyes. She scoffs and rolls her eyes.

“Okay Macho Man.” She says, to which he laughs. “I love you, Chris, of course I’m going to try to protect you.” His heart physically hurt in that moment. Here he had someone so selfless, so beautiful, and she let him call her his. His past was catching up, but he hoped he could stop it in time. He leans up to press a kiss onto her lips, allowing himself to melt into her for a second.

“Vamos, you have to go.” He says, playfully pushing her off. She chuckles as she falls off him. Quickly she collects her stuff and gives him a quick peck before bounding out of his room. Christopher grudgingly follows her, never fond of seeing her go.

“I’ll see you later, okay.” She calls out as she walks out of the house.

“Bye, amor.” He responds, watching as she walks to her car. With one last wave, she’s gone, and Christopher is left alone.

three days until zabdiel’s end of the year party

The rest of the week was uneventful. The growing nerves of both fear and excitement loomed in the halls as the seniors got ready to graduate. Christopher doubted he would graduate, and if by some miracle he did, he had no idea what he wanted to do. He walked the halls and overheard his peers with their larger than life plans. Some were going to big schools in the big cities, others were planning on making it big in Hollywood, and others decided on staying close to home and attending local universities. Whatever their plans were, they were definitely more than what Chris had in mind, which was, at the moment, nothing.

He admired hearing Y/N’s plan for her future, she seemed to have everything prepared. She had laughed when he mentioned this to her now.

“Yeah, but I still feel like when I graduate I’m gonna spiral.” Chris chuckles and brings their entangled hands up to plant a kiss on hers.

“I doubt that, amor.” He mutters. She shakes her head, as if tossing the whole thought from her mind.

“What about you? What are you thinking about after graduation?” He clenches his jaw at her words. Did she want an honest answer? Christopher didn’t think he would have lived long enough to graduate highschool.

“We’re closed.” Chris calls out from behind a shelf. He waits a beat to hear a response, or even the store’s bell to tell him someone has left. Neither of that came. He sets down his inventory sheet and steps towards the front of the store. He turns towards the magazine rack to see someone scanning through the prints. “Hey, I said we’re closed.” He tells them. The person still did not respond. Christopher felt goosebumps prickle his skin. None of this situation sat right with him. Chris begins to approach the person.

“Hey,” He begins, reaching out to grab their shoulder. Catching Chris completely by surprise, he feels a fist collide with his side. On instinct he jumps away, pain coursing through his body. There were two people. He scoffs, unsurprised that Y/N’s brother would start something here. But as the two people approach him, he notices how big they were. These guys could not be Micheal and his friends. Chris tries to fight back but these guys were definitely stronger than him, deflecting his every blow and returning them with two of their own. Grunts sound through the small store as the mystery people deliver fist after fist to every square inch of Christopher’s body. He tried to fight back, but they easily overpowered him. It was in little time that Chris began to fall unconscious. He didn’t know how long it had lasted, but when he finally came to, the people were gone, and the clock read 3AM.

Sitting up was a nightmare, he could feel the deep green and purple bruises forming on his ribs and face. Chris manages to stand after several failed attempts and limps to where his phone was left discarded.

A couple calls and texts from the boys, several missed calls from Benito, and double from Y/N.

Painfully, he manages to drive home.

As Christopher locks the door behind him, Benito’s shouts greet him.

“Christopher Velez dónde cojones estabas?”

He turns to face Benito. His hearing was muffled, it was as if hearing through a wall.

“It’s three in the morning! I’ve been worried sick!” Benito flicks on the lights and prepares to yell some more when he stops, finally seeing Christopher’s face. The bruises were growing, ugly shades of purple and green spotted on his face.

“What happened?” Benito questions, slowly approaching Chris. Chris shakes his head, not wanting to discuss what had happened at the store. He walks past Benito into the kitchen.

“Christopher.” Benito warns, following close behind him.

“It’s nothing!” Chris tells him, but Benito shoots him a look, a look that Chris couldn’t ignore.

He sighs. “Some guys came into the store, and out of nowhere started beating me up.” As Chris says this, Benito retrieves some frozen peas from the freezer and alcohol from the medicine cabinet.

“They were trying to steal?” Benito questions, handing Chris the peas before pouring some rubbing alcohol onto a towel.

“I don’t know, I don’t think they took anything.” Chris tells him, wincing as he presses the cold bag to his bruising face.

“Chris,” Benito begins, a pensive look on his face that didn’t settle Chris’s nerves. “I promised your mother to take care of you, but it looks like I’m not doing a good job.”

Chris answers in silence, unsure of what to say.

“I hope you’re not messing with the wrong people.”

Chris glances up at his words, but doesn’t say anything, his silence was answer enough.

Benito goes to step out of the kitchen, but before he leaves, he places a hand on Christopher’s shoulder.

“Call Y/N, she’s worried.”

Chris rests his head on the cupboards and lets out a sigh.

He knew he had gotten himself into some deep shit, and the last thing he wanted to do was involve Y/N. But he needed to hear her voice.

“Hello?” She says when the call connects.

“Hi.” He responds.

“Hi? Hi? You go missing for hours and all you have to say is ‘hi’?” She’s exasperated, and she’s probably been up for hours waiting for him.

“I’m sorry.” He says.

“What happened?”

He wasn’t going to get her involved. Christopher’s number one goal was to keep Y/N safe, and he would do it no matter what.

“Some guys were trying to rob the store.”

“Oh my gosh, Chris, are you okay?”

“I’m fine, amor. It’s nothing.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, deberías ir a dormir.”

“Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow?”

There's a small pause.

“Yeah. Buena noches, hermosa.”

the day of zabdiel’s end of the year party

The next couple of days were difficult. Every call that came from Y/N, he ignored. Every text he left opened. He knew it wasn’t the best plan of action, but he needed her to let him go, and this was the only way. He knew she would hurt, but a broken heart was better than one that wasn’t beating. Chris hadn’t planned on getting deep with La Marquesa, but he needed money and working as a delivery boy back in Ecuador didn’t cut it. He was going to stop after he got enough so that his family could live somewhat comfortably, but that was a pretty lie he told himself. He knew this life, once you got in it, it was almost impossible to get out.

Friday night came by slowly. The pain it brought him to ignore Y/N’s calls was almost unbearable. But he needed to protect her at all costs. His phone then pings from where it lay on his bed.

zab: vas a la fiesta hoy?

He had forgotten about the party entirely.

zab: you said you’d help me with the beer

He sighed, he had promised that. Christopher sends a text back quickly before throwing on his jacket. He didn’t want to go tonight but he had promised a friend. He decided to just drop off the drinks and leave, not wanting the small possibility of facing Y/N.

After taking as much beer as he could find from Benito’s, promising to restock tomorrow morning, Christopher set off to the party. By the time he got there, the music could already be heard down the street. The pulsing lights shone through the windows and the silhouettes of drunk teenagers were visible.

“You made it!” He hears as he steps inside. Joel approaches him and slaps Chris on the back. Chris offers him a smile and lifts the boxes of beer in his arms. Joel nods and motions towards the kitchen.

“Zab is upstairs, he’s been looking for you.” Chris nods and sets down the boxes on the counter before heading up to Zabdiel’s bedroom.

“Aye! Llego el Christopher!” Zabdiel exclaims as Chris pushes the door of his bedroom open. He offers them a smile as he and Richard clap him up in greeting.

“Everything okay?” Richard questions, noticing fatigue in Christopher's eyes, the normal bright and effervescent look in his eyes was almost completely diminished.

“Si, si.” Chris mutters. They both nod his way, but don’t completely believe him. Zabdiel quickly finishes getting ready, as he was already more than fashionably late to his own party. After he sprays the last bit of cologne, he and Richard follow Christopher out of the room.

“Creo que me voy para la casa.” Chris says as he walks to the stairs.

“Que?” Zabdiel questions. “The party just started!”

“I know, I’m just tired.” Zabdiel and Richard share a quick look.

“Bueno loco, it was good seeing you even just for a second.” Richard says, patting Chris on the shoulder.

Christopher walks downstairs, ready to head home. He keeps his gaze in front of him, just wanting to get home as soon as possible. He steps out of the house, Zabdiel and Richard following to bid their farewells. Chris doesn’t look back as he approaches his truck, but he almost stops dead in his tracks when he hears someone calling his name.

“Christopher!” Y/N. He knew her voice anywhere. Christopher flinches at her voice, but he didn’t turn, he didn’t stop, he couldn’t. Zabdiel leans down to whisper something to him but he brushes the taller boy off.

“Christopher!” She yells again and in a moment, she grabs his arm and turns him to face her.

He made sure his expression revealed no emotions, despite the fact that his heart was a hurricane of them. He watched as the tears clung to her lash line, threatening to fall any second. Christopher’s heart hurt as he looked at her, wanting to console her, to tell her it would all be okay. But he couldn’t. Y/N then reaches up to touch his face, noticing the bruises. Before her fingertips could graze his skin, he moves his face away, sure he would collapse into her if he let her touch him. She recoils back and a large pang of hurt erupted in his heart.

“What are you doing?” She questions.

“What?” He questions back. “Did you really think this meant anything to me?”

Her mouth pops open at his words.

“Wh-what?” She stutters. He hated this, he hated it so much.

“You never meant anything to me.” He states. Those words were a double edged sword, hurting both him and her. “We’re over.”

The tears were falling soundlessly down her face, and Christopher swore he felt his heart crack in two.

“You know they’ve always talked about you.” She says in between tears. “They said you would never treat me right. Maybe they had a point.”

Hearing her say that almost knocked the entire facade off. Y/N, the one person who always told him he was capable of so much more than he thought, the person who made him feel like less of an outsider, the person who defied all rules to love him, was telling him this, hitting him right where it hurt. He knew he was never good for her, but she always made him see him through her eyes. But now she saw his as everyone else did, a criminal, an outsider.

[ladybugsfanfics]

Shut Up And Kiss Me [14/?] | Tom Hiddleston

Pairing: Tom Hiddleston x reader

WC: 2.3k

Warnings: pining, angst, implications of sex,

Summary: You and Professor Hiddleston have been colleagues for many years now, and through those years the hatred for each other has only grown. Now, as a new school year starts, you’re being told that you have to share a classroom or a class. Neither are happy about the outcome, but knowing you’ll never come to an agreement, you let the class choose for you. Team-teaching is rare in 2019, but it is a lot harder to do when you can’t stand the person you’re doing it with.

A/N: so this is late, and i havent posted anything in like two weeks, but school’s crazy and im kinda tired but this is finally here and i’ve reached 1k followers. I don’t know if i’ll make something out of it but thank you to every one who is following me and i hope you enjoy this part ^_^

Little goes through Tom’s mind when he wakes. Surprise catches him at the feel of someone lying in his arms, and more surprise at the unfamiliar room he’s in. Tom looks down to see who’s cuddling into him, whose fanning breath spreads across his chest.

His breath gets punched out of him at the sight of Y/N. Her hair tangled, arm draped over his bare torso, and heavy breathing mixing with the hammering of his heart.

Oh, God. He didn’t…?

But Tom knows he did. He didn’t drink. The events of the previous night flashes through his mind. How she’d asked if he could drive her home, how she’d needed help to get inside, how he’d watched her fiddle with her keys before getting open the door. He remembers the way his chest beat so rapidly, waiting for that inevitable goodbye that was doomed to come.

Everything stopped working inside of him when she pulled him into her doorway, when she tugged at his tie and made the motion to look up. Adrenaline had coursed through his body when his lips met hers. The five years of pining and trying to get over the painful breaking of his heart had been swept to the side. When she’d deepened the kiss with her arms wrapped around his neck and a jump before her legs were wrapped around his waist and his hand had come to cup her ass and they’d moved to the bedroom, lips still locked together, had been the most intense moment he’d ever experienced.

The picture he saved in his mind of her naked body in bed pops up and Tom has to shake away the thought.

This isn’t happening. Y/N had been drunk. She is with Chris. It was a mistake, clearly. A drunken one.

And he’d made the mistake of indulging.

It takes him only a second to make up his mind. He does his best to peel himself away from her, gaze flickering to her every moment just to make sure she doesn’t wake up. Boxers on, trousers on, shirt wrongly buttoned, a quick grasp of socks and jacket, and he double checks his wallet and phone are still there, and knowing he has his belongings, he soundlessly slips out the door.

Only a week left before Christmas break. Only a week where things might be slightly awkward between the two of them. Only a week to figure out what the hell he’s supposed to do now.

This isn’t the way it was supposed to happen.

---

Awkwardness is the least of Tom’s worries, apparently.

When he makes it to the classroom before class on Tuesday (and mind you, he hasn’t seen Y/N since before they fell asleep Saturday evening), he’s met with the pleasurable yet very frightening bright smile Y/N sends him.

“Hey,” she says, eyes lighting up with a passion Tom hasn’t ever seen before. “We haven’t talked that much lately, but I thought we had some time now.” She hands him a paper. “I wanted to talk about the upcoming exam, and how to best prepare them to get the best possible grades.”

Tom takes the paper she hands, and sees a list of suggestions. The title reads Tips To Get The Best Exam Results. He nods slightly. “Sure, sounds good.” His voice sounds weird to his ears, lighter than normal. He coughs slightly, and tries again. “Did you have anything specific in mind that we should focus on?”

Nope, still no good.

But if Y/N noticed, she doesn’t say anything, the smile still brightly lighting up her face. “Just thought we could go off the list, really. Something I threw together on Sunday. Already had a rough draft, but you know, can’t stop working.” She tips her head a little, almost a shrug but not really one.

He’s tempted to ask her; if he did something wrong. Maybe he shouldn’t have left her apartment? Maybe they should talk about it?

Tom looks down to check his watch. Still fifteen minutes until any students are supposed to make an appearance. That’s more than enough time to talk about the incident, more than enough, only how does he start―

“Tom?” Y/N waves a hand in front of his face, her own searching for a response.

He shakes his head. “Sorry, what?”

“Just asked if there was anything you thought I’d missed. I want your input.”

There’s something so completely foreign to that sentence that Tom freezes. Even if they were making progress with how well they got along, he’d never actually thought she’d willingly ask for his input. Especially not after he left her apartment after a (great) round of sex and hasn’t actually talked to her since―as far as he knows, most people don’t like that.

However, he has to pull himself out of his head. So he shakes his head (no, he has not read the list) and just gives her a weak smile. “I’m sorry, I’m not really present today.”

“That’s okay,” she says, smile back on her face, though more sweet and less bright. Almost bordering on saccharine. “Can’t always be present, can we? I bet you had a pretty rough Sunday, too. Might not have had that good a Monday either?”

Tom raises a brow. “Rough Sunday? Were you very hungover?” Yes, he avoids the questions. He needs to know if there’s a possibility she doesn’t remember. Of course, that would only make matters worse because he would feel compelled to tell her.

Y/N scrunches her nose a little. “Not that much. I didn’t drink a lot, with the exceptions of the shots I took, but honestly, without them I’d never dared to kiss you either, so… kinda thankful.” And as she talks, her demeanor changes. Tom starts to wonder if she wasn’t being passive aggressive all this time with her sweet voice and big smile.

“You… uhm.” Tom’s words don’t work. Or maybe they don’t exist.

“Yeah, great night, actually. You know, other than you walking out on me, but I can’t blame you.” She shrugs. There’s nothing close to hurt in her voice, nothing close to anger either, really.

Tom has to swallow, because he feels like there’s something more she wants to say and he’s not sure the tug at his heart can take it if she does. Whether that’s a bold reveal that she does, in fact, not like him, in any way, or if it is that she likes him. But what if she likes him only sexually? Will he indulge?

“You know?” she says and takes a step closer to him. “We got about ten minutes. Or more, if we lock the door.” A finger comes up to drag down a little of the shirt he wears, exposing some of his chest. She doesn’t say the last words, but Tom can hear them.

His heart beats rapidly in his chest. Her fingers dance with flames as they graze across and trace their way to his chin. A firm hand takes hold of it, steadying his gaze into hers and he’s not sure he can say no when she licks her lips in that way.

God, his pants are tight.

When he lets her tug him down to ghost her lips over his, he knows he’s screwed. He’s breaking his own heart, breaking the pieces he thought were mending slowly but surely, breaking the trust he put into himself to be strong enough to resist the temptation.

But when Y/N’s lips graze past and connect with his neck, he can’t control the impulse that makes his hands fly to her hips to pull her flush against him. His hands graze the lining of her shirt, and he knows they don’t have time for teasing or foreplay or anything Tom really enjoys.

He doesn’t care. He gives in, succumbing to the desire that resides deep within him. If the only way Tom can be close to Y/N is by being a fuck buddy, he couldn’t care less. At least he gets to be with her.

---

By now, Tom would be home. He’d be with Bobby, cradling the dog into him to gain the cuddles he so desperately needed but didn’t get from the person he most wanted.

Yet, Tom isn’t home. He’s still at the office, slumped down in his too small couch with its too lumpy cushions and too hard armrests. It was the first thing he’d done when he got back after the Creative Writing class. Mostly because he needed time to think, but he can’t think because all that’s on it is how good those ten minutes before class started had been.

God knows he loves foreplay, but God knows they hadn’t needed it.

It’s not like that isn’t what he wanted to think about, it’s just that he can’t stop thinking about how it felt, instead of thinking about what this means for him. For them. For Y/N: His mind should be travelling through all the consequences of such a relationship. Or his mind shouldn’t only be focusing on the positive consequences.

He should focus on how this might rupture the steady going of an actual friendship (with the hopeful something more), but instead he can’t stop thinking about the feelings that rushed through him when Y/N’s lips had press to that spot on his neck. He can’t stop thinking about the throbbing in his abdomen, the swirl of hurt and guilt and arousal deep within his gut, the adrenaline that rushed through his body knowing she wanted him.

However, the one thought (that’s a mixture of positive and negative) he can’t let go, is that she avoided kissing him. She avoided pressing her lips to his, despite the obvious passion that had come from it on Saturday. She almost avoided his face entirely (the slight hint of a red mark on his neck―that one of their students had pointed out over the course of the class―isn’t necessarily unwanted).

But that feeling, that deep, deep longing that had accompanied the kiss on Saturday (no matter if it was prompted by alcohol), he missed that. He wanted it. He still wants it. He wants all of it. More than just friends with benefits, more than a casual relationship, more than… He isn’t even sure exactly what it is they do have.

Maybe they have something that can lead somewhere? Maybe they have something that won’t continue? Maybe they have something―  

Tom’s train of thoughts are interrupted by a knock on the door. He scrambles to sit upright on the couch (though he nearly falls off). And, with some sense of dignity still left, he says, “come in.”

The door opens agonizingly slowly. Tom has a silent wish of it being Y/N wanting something more, but he also has a huge wish it’s Benedict and that he can talk to his best friend about the problem that is eating away at him.

And thank God, his prayers are answered. Benedict fully steps into the room and gives Tom a quick once up. He raises a brow and smirks slightly. “And what did I walk in on?” he asks.

“Nothing.” Tom shakes his head. “No, there is something. You have time to talk or did you just come here for a favor?”

Benedict closes the door and sits down in the chair at his side of the desk. He turns it to face Tom and leans back, arms crossed over his chest. “I was coming in here for something else, but you look like you need to talk more. What’s going on?”

“It’s Y/N.”

“Of course it is. Did something happen Saturday?” Benedict raises a brow.

Tom nods, slowly. “We… uhh, I don’t know how to put this, but… we, uhmm…” He takes a deep breath, unsure of how to say the words, unsure of Benedict’s reaction. “We slept together.”

The man’s eyes go wide, and a frown comes through on his face. “Like in the same bed, or the… you know?”

“We had sex, and then fell asleep afterward. Why would we just sleep in the same bed?” Tom shakes his head at his best friends.

“I don’t know. Maybe there was something else.” He shrugs. “But that can’t be everything.”

Tom presses his lips together. He drapes a hand across his face, a sigh accompanying the gesture. “We did it again. I guess you could call it a ‘quicky’. In the classroom. Before our students came in.”

“Is that the reason for the red mark on your neck?”

“Yes.”

When Tom looks up to meet Benedict’s gaze, it feels almost like the older man is mocking him. The teasing, and halfway disappointed, look on Benedict's face is tantalizing.

“She or you initiate?”

“Her. Both times.”

“But the first she was drunk?”

Tom nods. “She had a mistletoe in her doorway. I guess it helped when I followed her up to her flat, seeing as she couldn’t really walk.”

Benedict chuckles. “Are you going to keep it up?”

A sigh falls from Tom’s lips. “I don’t know. Should I?”

“Is it worth it?”

Is it worth it? Is it worth the ache in his heart when she looks at him as if he holds everything she desires but not the part he wants her to desire? Is it worth the stab in his gut when her lips don’t connect with his? Is it worth the scorching heat that comes off of her fingers grazing his skin, of her hands studying his chest? Is it worth his heart leaping into his throat because she feels so close yet so far away? Is it worth it, if his heart will only break past redemption in an effort to be close to her even if it’s not in the way he wants?

“I don’t know.” Tom shakes his head. “What if it’s the only way? What if that’s my only option to be close to her? What if I lose everything if I stop it?”

Benedict smiles, but whatever is really on his mind, he doesn’t say. “Tom, be real. Is it worth it?”

He takes a deep breath, unsure of his answer. Unsure until his lips part and the words carry around the room.

“Yes.”

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[zxddy-panther]

Blessed

A/N: Hey guysss! I really feel so bad for not writing at all but I finally have something out for you guys. For all those who are still wondering, yes I am still going to write my Summer Walker inspired BP series. I just have to get all these drafts posted for yall before I post them. This one kind of took a while so I hope you all enjoy it. Also if you want to read all my stories I do have a masterlist posted but all my works are on my wattpad (@zxddy_panther)

Erik X Black!reader

Summary: A breakup between you and Erik has led you both into a deep hole of despair but there is still a light at the end of the tunnel.

Warning: Self harm, depression, some fluff later on

 You wandered the rainy streets of Albany with your dark hoodie, walking slowly in despair. Body slouched and face drooping with sorrow, your mind replaying the moments of weeks ago. The yelling, the harsh words, the tears, and worst of all: the breakup. The relationship truly wasn't bad but you woke up to the harsh reality that it was you. It was your own mind that was pressuring you to believe things that weren't true, that weren't real. It ultimately broke your relationship and you had no one to blame but yourself. It has become your biggest and deepest regret letting him go because you truly did love this man.    

You loved Erik Stevens but you just didn't know if he loved you too.      

*****    

The key allowed access to your cold, dark apartment as you tracked your wet rain boots onto your floor. You slipped them off and set them near the door and headed towards the bathroom, ready to commit yourself to the same miserable regime. Turning on the lights and looking forward, you stared into the eyes of a now lost soul. You were disgusted by the person in the mirror because THEY ruined your conscience. THEY ruined your self esteem and THEY ruined your relationship but you soon realized that they.....is you. Your eyes welled with tears as you threw off your damp sweater and opened the drawer under the sink. Grabbing the razor you quickly put it against the skin of your arm and pulled back with speed. Your actions slowed as you watched the dark red blood begin to rise up from the long cut along your brown skin. A numb feeling washed over you as you continued the motion over and over and over again. Place, push, and drag. Place, push, and drag.

You looked down at your numb and bloody arm with tears streaming down your face. Tear drops fell onto the many wounds and made you hiss in pain. "I've gotta get this shit cleaned up" you thought. Your body makes its way towards the bathtub to fill it with warm water. After you removed all your clothes you looked at yourself once more in the mirror. The now scarred lines that ran across your thighs and your new stripes shone red all across your arm. This will always remind you that you deserved this. Your head slowly turned back to the tub that was done filling up, you headed towards it. Placing one leg after another into the bath water, you allowed yourself to completely submerge yourself in the liquid and drowned yourself in utter silence.    

*******    

Its been about 40 minutes since you started staring at the ceiling fan in your room just mindlessly thinking. You felt so empty and physically drained from all the tears and emotions that you have been letting out. A silent buzzing from your phone woke you from your trance. You rolled on your bed towards your night stand and grabbed the phone to check who was calling you. The caller ID read: Erik. Everything froze and your world stood completely still. You were shocked and had no idea what to do as your hands shook frantically. The vibrating stopped and you took a look at your phone again to see that you had 10 missed calls from him prior to this. "How did I not hear this?" you thought to yourself. "Do I call him back?" The ring quickly started back up and you hit the answer button as fast as you could. Putting the phone to your ear, you took a deep breath and spoke for the first time in weeks.    

"Hello?" you whispered. All that could be heard was ragged breathing on the other line. You sat and listened, waiting for any type of response.    

A hushed "Y/N?" came from the other side. Your eyes shot opened and your heart rate increased.    

"Yes Erik...."    

"Y/N.." you waited. "I-I need you please. Im freaking out baby please come back I cant do this without you. I need you here with me Y/N. Please come back to me."    

You quickly ended the call and shot up from your bed. Throwing on some clothes, you headed towards the kitchen and grabbed your car keys.    

*******      

You arrived at Erik's door step feeling crazy for even doing this. You fumbled with your keys to find his spare house key still attached. Inserting the key into the lock, turning it, and pushing the door open you were greeted with a body curled up in corner of the living room. Erik was rocking himself back and forth, sobbing, repeatedly saying your name. You used your foot to close the door and his head shot up.    

He looked just as tired and drained as you. His once beautifully braided locs were now frizzed and out of braids. Dark brown bags surrounded his eyes as if he hasn't slept for days. You slowly walked towards him while he rose to his feet. The two of you kept your distance, standing awkwardly in the middle of his living room, until his eyes met yours. When your eyes locked it was like your emotions were also in sync with one another. You watched his eyes start to well up and his face begin to distort as he tried to hold his tears back. Closing the distance, you began to walk towards him and cupped your hand on his cheek. His eyes slowly closed as he leaned into your touch, allowing his tears to finally fall.    

"Baby..." he let out. "I-I need you in my life. Its like I-I." His hands began to shake as he brought them up, clenching his fists." Its like I cant live without you Y/N. I don't want to live without you." He looked down and quickly grabbed your hands to hold. "What happened? What happened to us? Was it me? Because if it was I swear to Bast that I'll fix it just- just give me another chance" The volume of his voice started to pick up. "Please come back to me Y/N." His hands gradually rose up to grab your arms softly but, even his gentle touch caused great pain to your wounds. You snatched your arms away and hissed in pain. He looked up at you with a confused look plastered on his face.       

Erik had a feeling to what was going on but, he just didnt want to belive it. You promised him months ago that you wouldn't revert back to hurting yourself. He prayed that he was wrong but  lifting up your sleeves revealed the harsh red lines across your arms. He closed his eyes as more tears fell from his droppy eyes.    

"Y/n. Did I do this to you?" He brought his hand up to your face and brushed your tear away with his thumb.     

"No no. It wasnt you Erik. It was never you." You decided that it was time to let him know the truth. The weight that you've been carrying on your shoulders has gotten heavy enough.    

*********    

"Y/N...Im sorry. I shouldnt have left-" You placed a finger over his lips which stopped his words. Your eyes took him in again once more. His skin and lips still as soft as you remembered. The message was clear as day when the two of you locked eyes. Erik took your face in his hands once and placed his lips on yours. Both of your lips moved in sync while tears came streaming down your faces. He slowly sucked on your bottom lip and let out a small sigh. He missed this. He missed you.    

You pulled away for breath but held fast to his body.      

"No Erik. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I made you feel like this. That I made you feel like this was all your fault when it wasn't. It was mine. I was always so insecure about how you truly felt about me and-" Tears started to choke you up but this time you let them fall. You were so tired of holding back your feelings and thoughts. "And I always felt like you didn't love me as much as I love you."    

The phrase replayed itself in his mind. This was the first time that anyone had said that they loved him. His troubled past had put him in the mindset that he could never be loved. Today was the day that he was finally proven wrong. He always knew that he had a great girl who always found time to see him, even in the worst circumstances. Someone who was always down for him, and someone who would never leave his side.

You heard him begin to chuckle as his smile spread across his face. You looked up at him confused, feeling stupid for confessing your deepest feelings.    

"Whatever Erik" You began to turn away from him and started heading towards the door until he grabbed your hand, pulling you back into his chest. He looked down at you while resting his hand on the small of your back. His dark ember eyes starred deeply into yours, unraveling you as you stood.    

"If only you knew how much I love you. I'm so blessed to have you in my life but I need you to know that-" He brought his face closer to yours, looking from your lips to your eyes. " I love you more than words can say."    

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