#[ if you're not feeling it that's all good feel free to ignore ]

[if-whats-new]

What's New In IF? Issue 30 (2024)

By Aj, Dion, Briar, Jen and Peter

Now Available!

Itch.io - Keep Reading below

If you read the zine, consider liking the post: it helps us see how many people see it! And sharing is caring! <3

~ EDITORIAL ~

Event Highlight!

In this Issue we take a quick look at the Videotome Jam hosted by Freya, the dev behind all the Videotome game engines!

Continue reading to find out more!

We want some feedback!

As we’re starting to get a hand of things, we would love some feedback from you guys! What you enjoy, want more or less off, how we could improve... Anything goes! We even have a nifty form.

We hope you enjoy this new issue!

AJ, DION, BRIAR, JEN AND PETER

~ BE A PART OF THE ZINE ~

THIS ZINE ONLY HAPPENS WITH YOU!

Want to write 1-2 pages about a neat topic, or deep-dive into a game and review it in details? Share personal experiences or get all academic?

WRITE FOR THE COLUMN!

Prefer to be more low-key but still have something to share? Send us a Zine Letter or share a game title for Highlight on…!

WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!

Came across something interesting? Know a release or an update announced? Saw an event happening? Whether it's a game, an article, a podcast… Add any IF-related content to our mini-database!

EVERY LITTLE BIT COUNTS!

Contact us through Tumblr asks, Forum DMs, or even by email! And thank you for your help!!

~ EVENT SPOTLIGHT : Videotome Jam - "Waiting" ~

November 16th to December 1st 2024

Videotome Jam is a two-week-long game jam for games made in any of the Videotome engines with the optional theme of "Waiting".

What is Videotome?

Videotome is a series of small homebrew IF/VN engines made by Freya Campbell (communistsister), an indie game developer focusing on narrative games that are usually:

science fiction, horror, &/or romance

close to 100% LGBTQ characters

free/PWYW with low tech requirements

liable to make players keysmash due to feelings

Videotome was first released in April 2022 as a part of a game entry for the Domino Club collective. The initial idea for the engine was to make writing text-heavy games as hassle-free as possible, focusing not that much on the visual presentation format, but more on the writer's experience. It would allow writers to write in a notepad and then it would somehow grab the .txt file and parse the lines into an array, spitting them out one line at a time as a kinetic novel.

At the moment there are four engines available:

Videotome, for linear, no frills text / images / music;

Videotome ADV, adding a more conventional layout with ignorable choices and branching;

Super Videotome, for more fully featured and freeform image/canvas use;

Videotome Heartbreak, adding a stat raising dating sim & storylets structure to the above.

If you're more interested in the process of making these engines, check out the devs blog post - Words, Friction, Syntax: Stuff I thought about when making Videotome. (The post also includes a very interesting case study concerning other game engines Freya has experience with.)

If you want to check out some examples of projects made with Videotome, take a look at this collection. It includes games made by both Freya and other devs.

~ ONGOING (VOTING) ~

The voting for ECTOCOMP 2024 has officially started! To vote and participate as a jury, you must do so by giving between 1 to 5 stars on each entry page of the jam. The voting period ends on November 30.

~ ONGOING (SUBMITTING) ~

A Hallmark movie is a feel-good, family-friendly film, often centered around romance, personal growth, or holiday themes. A Very Hallmark Game Jam with a theme of “Charming Love Interest with a Secret�� is also all about that!

Are you a fan of Videotome games? Then the Videotome Jam with an optional theme “Waiting” is for you!

This year’s Yuri Game Jam is in full progress. The devs have until December 2nd to submit their projects.

The Educational Jam is a perfect place to learn something new. Discuss some obscure tidbit. Showcase your insight about a specific thing, your pub trivia skills, or that Wikipedia rabbit hole you went down last time.

Disabled Rep VN Jam has a very simple premise but a very important message.

Once upon a time, a game jam was held to create stories around the theme of fairy tales… and that game jam is the Once Upon A Time VN Jam. It’s running from October 1st to January 31st.

Concours de Fiction Interactive Francophone 2025 is for all French-speaking enthusiasts. Submissions are accepted March 3rd 2025.

Are you perhaps a fan of more somber, melancholic themes? Then check out the Dying Year - Visual Novel Jam! You have until the end of the year to participate.

The Black Visual Novel Jam is all about working with creative professional developers who work in visual novels to bring more Black stories to life. The goal is to create a space where Black creators can show their unique storytelling through visual novels.

~ OTHER ~

PIZZAPRANKS is accepting submissions for their Indiepocalypse Issue #61. If you’re a dev and would like to try out your luck, definitely check it out! Any game is welcomed, not only IF.

~ NEW RELEASE ~

In Arctic Adventure unearth forgotten journals, repair malfunctioning equipment, and solve puzzles to piece together the station’s dark past. But beware—some secrets are better left buried in the ice.

You are a dragon - huge, winged, flying and even capable of magic. Only here, in a system of caves created by your magic, you can be yourself. But the time has come for you to leave your home. The old map, that you've been keeping since times immemorial, is now ready to unravel it's secrets in A Dragon and the Tower.

You’ve spent your whole life visiting the majestic Hotel Lexington, and now you’ve inherited it! The once-grand building is in disrepair, and rumored to be haunted! You’re the only one who can restore its former glory before it’s lost forever. Check in to your hotel, and check out the ghosts in Haunted Hearts Hotel.

As always, don't forget to check out the submitted entries to the events mentioned in the previous pages. They deserve some love too!

~ NEW RELEASE (WIP) ~

You are a key member of "The Constellation Club," a close-knit group of friends brought together by your shared love for music and dreams. Over time, the club members drifted apart, but a mystery brings you all back together. Reunite with your friends, uncover secrets, and chase the dreams that first united you in The Constellation Club (Twine).

Have you enjoyed the first Volume of Oblivious Melodies? Then be sure to check out Chapter 1 of Volume 2 (Twine)! You play as the Horne siblings, navigating their emergence into gentry society. You will delve into a country divided by class, religious dissent, political factionalism, and the ever-encroaching interests of empire. @oblivious-melodies

In Ashenmaw - Dragons of Marrowoods (CScript) you play as a freshly hatched dragon whelp, navigating the odds and ends of the politics and mysteries of the five flights. Intermingle with the younger races, and jump headfirst into uncovering the secrets of Ashenmaw and the Marrowoods. @ashenmaw-if

Aydan joins his husband Leo in this important family reunion that takes place 2 months after his father’s death. Suddenly, they are all trapped in the house for 3 days and the lawyer states that one of the siblings is the murderer of their own father! Find out who the real culprit is in Guilty at 5PM (Ren’Py).

In a realm of forgotten tales, you emerge as a ghost to yourself. Stranded in a land where memories fear to tread, the icy breath of solitude kisses your bare flesh, a chilling reminder of your forsaken existence. In this realm where salvation dances with oblivion, Snowborn (CScript), awaken to tread the treacherous path through a world steeped in sorcery and demise.

You are a young nobleman, in a stagnating empire, either on the verge of resurgence, or it’s final demise. An Empire held together by fragile institutions, led by ego-driven men. And here you are, in the middle of it all. As this den of vipers strike, where will you fall? Find out in Scion of the Alason (CScript).

You wake up suddenly with a system telling you that you are occupying the body of a green tea b!tch! The spy of the fearsome overlord, Hasthael who betrayed him for the male hero, resulting in the death of his beloved lightning hound. Avoid the fate of dying and accomplish the missions given by two of the available systems in Project Dominion (CScript).

You are the Aeon, an omniscient entity as old as time. When your powers begin to malfunction and the source of an incoming threat is unbeknownst to you, how will you protect the fabric of the universe? Abandon your omnipresent form for the first time in millennia and craft an identity as a demon to infiltrate the Ethereal Plane in The Time Keeper (CScript).

~ UPDATES ~

Aesemyr: The Withering (CScript) released 3/4 of the "university gathering" path of Chapter 3.

After Dark (CScript) released the last part of the fifth day of the journey.

Eldritch Tales: Inheritance (CScript) released part one of Chapter 3. @darielivalyen

Honor Amongst Thieves (CScript) updated their public demo. @leoneliterary

Oh Mother, Where Art Thou? (CScript) started Act 2 of Chapter 1.

Our Life: Now and Forever (Ren’Py) added extra content to their Patreon demo. @gb-patch

The Abyssal Song (Twine) released Chapter 5. @ri-writes-if

Virtue’s End (CScript) has updated their Patreon demo. @virtues-end

When Life Gives You Lemons (CScript) updated their public demo. @when-life-gives-you-lemons-if

~ OTHER ~

Is playtesting something that interests you? Check out part one of Drew Cook’s let’s TEST IF #1: being a playtester. @golmac

GlasswingGames is currently running a giveaway! You can enter to win either a chibi or emote of a character of your choice! @glasswinggames

~

As always, we apologize in advance for missing any update or release from the past week. We are only volunteers using their limited free time to find as much as we can - but sometimes things pass through the cracks.

If you think something should have been included in this week's zine but did not appear, please shoot us a message! We'll do our best to add it next week! And if you know oncoming news, add it here!

~ MAYBE YOU NEXT? ~

We did not get a submission this week. But if you have an idea for a short essay, or would like a special space to share your thoughts about IF and the community...

Shoot us an email!

~ HIGHLIGHT ON ~

A couple of games that we thought were cool.

God-Cursed by @wings-of-ink (Twine)

I think this game is fantastic. Plot, ROs, writing, everything. Deserves thousands of reads and compliments!

//recommended by Briar [Team]//

Your favourite game here?

Do you have a favourite game that deserves some highlighting?

An old or recent game that wowed you so much you spam it to everyone?

Tell us about it! And it might appear here!

Hello! I appreciate what you all do. As a living thing with a 9-5 job, I couldn't regularly check updates from existing WIPs, especially the ones I really like. I also tend to be the last person to know new IFs with lots of potential. So, I'm glad that with your zine, I get weekly updates from everyone in one place. Thank you, thank you so much!

- a very mysterious anon

WE LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU ALL! WHETHER IT'S GOOD OR BAD, OR EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN...

Have something to say? Send us a message titled: Zine Letter!

As we end this issue, we would like to thank:

our awesome mysterious anon!

For a very encouraging message!

As always, huge thanks to all you readers who liked, shared, and commented on the last issue!

What might be tiny actions are huge support and motivators to us!

Thank you for cheering us on this journey!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

We actually have a separate Zine for all our individual Interviews!

Last Issue’s Interview with Leia Talon will be added this upcoming week.

And see you again next week!

AJ, DION, BRIAR, JEN AND PETER

WHAT'S NEW IN IF? 2024-ISSUE 30

[solbaby7]

I know that the bar is swamped, but if you find the time and have the liquor, could I please have a neat Manhattan with a salt rim?

(Idk how to say this but like, submissive neat? If you're alright with that)

lololol “if you’re alr with that” babe, i’m foaming at the fucking mouth for it. this is gonna be a wee bit more than a blurb lemme tell u.

not edited teehee

[ “don’t make me put you on a leash” + smut + sub!az ]

-> BLURB BAR <-

Usually, you don’t mind needy.

The grabby hands pawing at your thighs. Kisses that linger on your neck, nose tracing the curve of your shoulder. Hushed words crooned into your ear to distract from the way eager fingers graze at the stitching of expensive lingerie.

It was his reprieve.

Azriel’s favorite way to unwind after spending his days as the dutiful spymaster. With you, he gets to lay down his weapons. Turns off the killer instinct that never seems to comprehend the meaning of a break. Hangs up the battle worn leathers that eats, sleeps, and breathes the contours of Azriel’s body.

But, with you? With you, he doesn’t bother about trivial things like power or strength. He relinquishes his title, shuns his duties, turns his back on honor and responsibility in favor of sinking down on his knees and turning all that over to you.

And usually, you don’t mind.

But the day had been especially stressful; never-ending and the open mouthed kisses trailing up the soft flesh of your inner thigh wasn’t loosening the tight knots embedded along your shoulderblades. “Knock it off.” You grumble softly, an achy spine hunched over glossy wood while weary eyes struggle to decipher the words written on parchment. Knuckles rub against your eyelids, toes nudging at the neat taper of his waist to push him off.

The gentle correction does no good for an impatient pet and Azriel only listens for but a second.

He tries again, going a different route when applying pecks to prettily pedicured toes. A palm curls around your ankle, fingers digging into your soles until a groan of approval rips free from your throat without permission.

Just like that, the damage is already done.

One sound becoming the equivalent of throwing him a bone. “That’s—that’s actually…really nice, Az.”

The praise satiates a need within him, urging him to keep it up, to try harder—to do things that had you gasping and yelping and screaming out raving reviews. It becomes an addiction; fueling an obsession that teases the fine line between devotion and fixation.

Every touch is annoyingly controlled, a soldiers training bleeding into the bedroom when giving his all on a task. He strives to be the best when coaxing knots coiled deep within the muscle of stiff calves, swiftly distracting from the way he suckles marks into the softness of supple thighs. “Feels good?”

“Mmhm,” The grip on your pen wavers, loosens, then falls altogether when Az urges his shadows through your hair; phantom fingers applying generous pressure to your scalp until lids flutter closed and your back slumps fully into your chair. “Just what I needed.”

It’s like adding gasoline to a fire.

You forget yourself when indulging yourself in its warmth; ignoring now flames grow when stoked—how they burn when life is breathed into it. How it eats and eats; singeing and charring, wringing out the life from the air and replacing it with soot.

By time you realize the damage, Azriel’s too far gone. Already high on the kerosene you splash at him and happily huffing in the fumes. “Can make you feel better.” Curious massaging morphs into outright groping, his hands eating at whatever he can hold as his tongue follows behind to lick up the crumbs. “Please, let me taste?”

You should say no.

He doesn’t exactly deserve it. Touching without permission. Refusing to sit still. Begging for treats instead of waiting patiently like good boys should. Whining when you weakly start pushing him back. Growling when you attempt to close your legs.

They’re all red flags—behaviors that warrant correction and yet you ignore them all when Azriel looks up at you with those eyes.

Like vats of honey in the sunlight, absolutely oozing with sticky sweet submission; staring up at you like you were an angel gifted from the heavens.

You suppose the day had been long.

And even gods praise their most dutiful servants.

Teeth bite into the fat of your cheek as feet neatly perch at the edge of your seat, knees parting open as you give into selfish desire. “Fine.” He’s all but drooling before you can get the word out, staring at the skin bared to him. You glisten under faelight, ego inflating when you catch the way Azriel ogles the thin slip of cotton separating you from his prize. “Only a little though. Have to make sure you save room for dinner.”

Dinner be damned for the only feast Azriel craved was between your thighs and he wastes no time digging in once given the go ahead.

His tongue paints a trail up the seam of your pussy and the harsh line of your shoulders finally eases. Two fingers spread you open while the slick muscle circles the rim of your entrance and that rigid knot in your spine finally knows peace.

Satisfaction melts your discipline down more than acceptable, that much becomes apparent when Azriel’s muffled moans shift into sloppy grunts. His nose is all but buried in your cunt, arousal shiny on his lips and dripping down the curve of his chin.

It doesn’t take long for it to get sloppy. Spit sliding down the cleft of your ass, smearing along inner thighs and on the seat cushion below. But you forget to care when you notice the flush of Az’s cheeks, the shallow heave of his chest as the need to coax those wrecked sounds from your mouth outweighed the need to breathe. “Hey,” You huff out, peering down at him, stomach fluttering when he only burrows himself deeper, tongue fucking into a drooling hole. “You need to come up for air.”

Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.

Common sense and rationality left itself at the door, tossed away intentionally out of sight so he has a reason to keep eating and eating and eating.

This time you don’t melt under the pleasure, thighs clenching around his head, smushing his cheeks as you ban access to your fountain of youth. “The mouth on you is pure sin, might almost make up for the fact that you’re a shit listener.” He’s a right mess, cheeks red and lips swollen. One hand furiously stroking at a desperate prick. His mouth opens to complain—maybe to beg, but your thighs only squeeze tighter, teeth digging into the soft part of his cheeks in gentle correction. “By the cauldron, I’ll leash you.”

It only stokes his fire, fresh logs added to keep the inferno from flickering away; abdomen flexing as his body reacts to the threat.

Please, please, please! Azriel’s eyes scream.

You should say no.

Though, restraint had never really been your strong suit.

“If you’re so willing to rob yourself of air for the sake of a cunt, then I suppose we’ll just have to see how long you can hold your breath.”

[shaisuki]

Hello!

I'm in looooveeee with ur work <3

So I wanted to ask if you could do a fic about yandere toji who kidnapped chubby darling... but still degrades her....and after chubby darling has had enough, she lashes out on him. He punishes her (　＾ω＾)

and chubby darling escapes the first chance she gets to do so ( i would love a scene where darling tries to fight toji off!! )

I love your works ♡♡♡

Thanks for reading this !

Byee (^-^)/

(*ゝω･*)

there isn't a way to fight someone like toji.

he was built for the violence and anything that entails with it. killing someone is easy as ripping a paper and toji with his reputation as an assassin didn't sit with you well. knowing you were in his grasp with no way out.

since the day where he introduced you to your new home, it was hell. you were the outlet for his frustrations while you played the dutiful role of a housewife. a warm meal served to him when he comes home while he earns the cold cash. a clean home that devoid of any dirt and unwashed laundry that would had last for days without you and a pussy for him to warm his cock whenever he wants it and a body to use as an outlet for his frustrations.

the first time you showed resistance to him, you ended up with a sore ass that if he took it even further you'll end up with blistered skin from how harsh the spanking was and from how rough he was when he took you.

it was a warning to never do it again and if you did it again, you were dead meat long time ago. you didn't resist after that and you played along to his whims that it almost drove you crazy. you're not going to get chummy from a assassin who took you away from home. never.

doesn't mean that you never counted the days, crossing out the dates in the calendar will you ever be free to him.

sweat trickled down your forehead when you hear the front door open. his steps heavy and dull thud can be heard. you never pry what his bag contains. it was not your business and you don't want to be involved in whatever shady dealings he had.

you listened for a moment. toji can be unpredictable at times. sometimes when he lost in his gambling, he'll come home with that irritating look on his face and he calls for you. telling you to put him in a good mood and you never say anything and you take it with your lips sealed and movements that was almost robotic. it's only temporary is what you console yourself.

a shiver went down your spine when you felt toji's presence behind you. it feels like he wasn't almost there that's what got you here in the first place. you didn't see him coming. “what're you doin' princess.” you ignored him. biting the inside of your cheek to avoid any remarks that you will regret.

the brute of a man ignored your silence and his eyes travels to the sundress you wore. fitting like a glove to your plush body. “looking pretty, dressing up for someone?” he sneers. cupping your sex behind you, his breath fanning your round cheek. you try not to wince.

“as if you'll let me go outside to meet someone.” you bite your tongue after that but you realize it's too late. well, might as continue it. say the things you'll get punished for.

a almost wheeze escapes through your lips. your hands scratching his arm but despite that, he remains unfazed. trying to pry his hands off you that is wrapping around your throat. it was enough to choke you without much cutting your air supply.

toji's voice were gravelly as he spoke. shaking his head in a manner that he can't believe what he was seeing and hearing. “you still have the fire in you and i thought you lost it after shaping you to be my own personal bitch.”

“fuck you.” a choked gasp coming from you when he tightens his grip around your throat. “i'll never submit to someone like you.” wincing as you see the veins in his arms bulge and you were really pissing him off.

toji licks his lips. dragging to where his scar is. “oh, really?” he snarls. his eyes darkening like he wants to kill. his bloodlust was all over and you can feel it. “let me see if i won't make you submit by doing thi–”

shards of glass came clattering on the cold floor. your hands came scrambling to whatever stuff it can get on and the vase was the first thing you had grabbed and without hesitation you slammed it to the side of his forehead. blood trickles where he was struck and it wasn't for toji to keel over. he only looks at you, annoyed like it wasn't a damage to be hit with a vase. this man took bullets and stab wounds and won't be alone defeated by being slammed with a vase.

angered by your action, with a strength that was easy for him, he slammed you to the cold marbled table of the kitchen that it almost cracked at the impact. you let out a cough. trying to get much air as you can. your air being cut off by being almost strangled let your mind forced to survived of possible scenarios to help you escape the danger you were in and without thinking, you kicked him hard as you can between his legs.

that loosens his grasp into you and giving him no more to recover, your eyes darts to the toaster resisting. it's funny how you look at it, and you doubt it can damage him further but it was better than nothing. you raised your arms holding the toaster and gathering all the anger you have for him and then slamming it behind his back. you hear him curse and without turning back, you ran.

grabbing a small bag that you prepared when push comes to shove and this was the time. after hastily putting your shoes on. you ran like the wind after slamming the door behind you.

without turning back and going for the nearest bus stop and with that, tears streamed down your face. not bothering the odd looks bystanders were giving you. cause for the first time you were free. free from that hell hole and yo his grasp. you ain't going back here and going to the farthest you only know.

this must be the taste of freedom and for the first time, you can breathe.

[runariya]

not sure if you're taking prompts anymore, but here's my prompt request! if you are not doing them, please feel free to ignore!

🤪🪄👑 – jk and oc/reader are fairies. every year, the fairies hold a ball where the newly turned of age fairies showcase their qualities. during her turn, oc gets messy with her magic, and she ends up making hilarious wrong moves. however, she becomes the mvp when her clumsy magic helps the guard fairies catch an imposter, making fairy prince jk very impressed.

have a good day/night! 🌸

(crack+fantasy+royal) part of the prompt game pairing: fairy prince!Jungkook x fairy!female reader genre: fantasy!AU, S2L, fluff warnings: none word count: 1.210

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

You loathe the annual Fairy Ball. It’s all glitter and expectations, prancing around in ridiculous outfits, hoping to impress some snooty elder or, heaven forbid, a prince. And as fate would have it, you’ve finally hit the ripe age of fairy adulthood, so now you’re obligated to showcase your qualities. Because fairies can’t just live their lives in peace; oh no, you’ve got to prove your worth in front of the entire magical kingdom.

You’re currently hiding in the farthest corner of the grand ballroom, nibbling on some fairy cake, which you think tastes suspiciously like glitter and disappointment, while trying to appear invisible. The ballroom is nauseatingly beautiful, with its floating chandeliers and enchanted foliage that sings in harmony. Everyone else is shimmering and twinkling like they’ve just stepped out of a fairy fashion magazine. Meanwhile, you’re trying not to choke on your nerves and the one slightly burnt cupcake you nicked from the refreshments table.

“Next up! ___!” The announcer’s  cheerful voice rings out, and your heart plummets to somewhere near your sparkly pumps.

You freeze. Oh no. Oh no, no, no. This is it. Your turn. You’ve been dreading this moment for weeks, practising magic tricks in your tiny mushroom-shaped home, only to set things on fire, or worse, accidentally summon a squirrel that now refuses to leave your bathroom.

You’re not ready.

But then again, when are you ever ready for public humiliation?

Dragging your reluctant self to the middle of the ballroom, you avoid the gazes of hundreds of expectant fairies. You think you see someone stifle a laugh. Excellent. You haven’t even done anything yet, and the ridicule’s already starting.

And there you spot him. Prince Jungkook. All golden wings and dark, glimmering eyes, sitting on his annoyingly fancy throne at the head of the room. He looks disinterested, twirling some kind of royal goblet in his hand, but you know he’s watching. Everyone’s watching, so why wouldn’t he. 

“Go on,” the announcer encourages. “Show us your magic!”

Oh, you’ll show them magic, all right. You’ve been practising one spell over and over, and it’s practically foolproof. The plan is to conjure a beautiful, shimmering butterfly, classic, elegant, and safe. A butterfly can’t possibly go wrong, can it?

You take a deep breath, close your eyes, and mutter the incantation under your breath. You feel a warm flicker of magic build in your palms. Yes, this is it. You’ve got this. You can do this.

You open your eyes, ready to unveil your masterpiece.

Except…

What’s in front of you is not a butterfly. It’s… well, it’s a blob. A wriggling, glowing blob that looks like it’s having an identity crisis. Is it a butterfly? Is it a fish? Is it just pure existential dread in magical form? Who knows. You don’t. 

The room bursts into laughter. Of course. And you feel your cheeks heating up to a shade that could rival a flamingo.

“That’s… unique,” the announcer comments after a beat, trying to sound polite but failing miserably with his suppressed snicker. 

“Uh, wait, wait! That’s not all!” you squeak, waving your hands in panic. Maybe you can salvage this. Maybe you can turn the blob into something respectable, like a flower or…oh, for fairy’s sake, anything else.

But your magic has other plans. Before you can say “sparkles,” the blob explodes into a cloud of glitter. And not the nice, floaty kind. This is aggressive glitter. Sticky, clumpy, and raining down on everyone within a ten-foot radius, including Prince Jungkook.

You hear a collective gasp. Somewhere in the crowd, someone whispers, “She glitter-bombed the prince!”

Oh, brilliant. Just brilliant. You’re officially the laughingstock of the century.

You’re about to apologise profusely, or possibly faint, when something strange happens. A figure near the prince suddenly jerks, as though they’ve been struck by lightning. Their glamour magic flickers for a split second, revealing…

Wait. That’s not a fairy. That’s a goblin.

The room erupts into chaos. Fairies are screaming, guards are rushing forward, and you? You’re just standing there, utterly gobsmacked, as your accidental glitter-bomb continues to wreak havoc.

The imposter goblin tries to flee, but slips on the glitter coating the floor and guards seize him in seconds. It’s absolute pandemonium, and in the middle of it all, Prince Jungkook rises from his throne, his dark eyes fixed on you.

“Silence!” he commands, and the room instantly quiets. Especially when he steps forward, glitter still clinging to his wings and his perfectly chiselled jaw.

“You,” he points at you.

You gulp. This is it. He’s going to banish you. Or worse, sentence you to a lifetime of cleaning up glitter in the palace.

“That was…” He pauses, debates. “Brilliant.”

Wait, what?

“Uh, excuse me?” you blurt out, because surely you misheard him.

“Your magic,” he waves around leisurely, a small smirk tugging at his lips. “It exposed the imposter. No one else noticed, not even the guards.”

Oh. Oh. You did that. With your clumsy, terrible magic. Huh.

The crowd is murmuring now and you think you hear someone say, “She’s a genius,” which is objectively hilarious because you definitely did not intend to do anything remotely heroic.

Prince Jungkook steps closer, and suddenly he’s right in front of you, towering and annoyingly perfect. You want to say something clever, but your brain has apparently turned into fairy pudding.

“What’s your name?”

“Uh…___,” you stammer, feeling like you might spontaneously combust under his gaze.

“Well, ___,” he slightly bows his head, his voice low enough that only you can hear, “I think you’ve just saved the entire Fairy Kingdom.”

Before you can process that ridiculous statement, he turns to the crowd and raises a hand. “Fairies of the kingdom, let us celebrate this year’s unexpected hero!” His eyes flicker back to you, and he adds with a grin, “And my personal favourite fairy of the evening.”

Your jaw drops. Literally. 

The crowd cheers. Actual cheering. For you. You’re half convinced you’re hallucinating at this point.

And then, because apparently your life isn’t surreal enough already, Prince Jungkook kneels. He kneels. In front of you.

“___,” he husks your name, loud enough for everyone to hear. “Would you do me the honour of joining me for dinner tomorrow evening?”

You blink. Your brain is trying to catch up, but it’s like a broken wand sparking uselessly. “You’re… asking me out?” you manage to squeak.

“Yes,” he grins simply, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

The room is deathly silent. Every fairy is holding their breath, waiting for your answer.

And honestly, what are you supposed to say? ‘No, sorry, I’m busy glitter-bombing other royals’? Of course not.

“I…uh…yes?” you squeak, though it comes out more like a question than a statement.

Jungkook laughs, and it’s so dazzling you’re surprised you don’t faint. “Perfect,” he stands and offers you his hand.

As the crowd erupts into unexpected applause and cheers, you take his hand, still half-convinced this is some elaborate prank. But then he leans closer and whispers, “By the way, the glitter? Best thing that’s happened all night.”

You glance at him, startled, and see nothing but sincerity and amusement in his eyes.

Maybe the Fairy Ball isn’t so bad after all.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

If you liked what you read, pls consider buying me a ☕️ Ko-fi.com/runariya 💕

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All Rights Reserved © @runariya 2024

permanent taglist: @runariyaluvr , @closer-to-jungkook , @dreamcatcherluvr , @blueofocean, @https-mei, @xsyruhh , @nemelkawar , @joonlover1207 , @elinaki92

[robotmechagirl]

A text conversation with my parental figures:

Me: “Got a bread machine at a thrift store with my girlfriend 😌

Found myself a love for making bread

It brings me back to watchin' you bake bread and make pizza dough. I remember you would freeze the dough to have an easier time makin' meals later.

It's such a vibe and it makes me feel happy because I can express my care for other people with fresh baked bread now.”

Aunt: “That's great [DEADNAME]. It's really good to know you have some good memories”

Me:

-Image depicted is a drinking glass-

“"Oh look! Sand!"

It's what you sound like right now :/“

Aunt/Uncle:

“I don't get it”

Me:

“Maybe pictures don't show for you via text.

Sent an image of a glass, the type you would hold drinks in, such as water.

Calling me by "son" and my dead name is like calling this glass sand. :/“

Aunt/Uncle:

“[DEADNAME] you didn't die. You have always been [DEADNAME]. You can't make me believe in a fairytale. Something you made up in your brain.

If you told me I have to start calling you Andre and Start looking at you and treating you as such, because you are an 8 foot tall giant I couldn't do that either. I refuse to get down on the floor and look up to you like you are a giant. You are no more an 8 foot giant than you are a girl. I cannot see you that way. I cannot treat you that way. I don't know how far you are planning on going down this rabbit hole. But you better be damn sure you have done all the research. Once things get cut off there is no going back! I raised 6 boys and 1 girl.”

Me:

“The fairytale is thinking that I'm this image you've built for me based on your own misconceptions about the world. 😩

There's a butt load of medical research, literature, and history that you could read to understand the phenomena that is the existence and validity of transgender people. It would benefit you to learn it because ya clearly don't have an inkling about the subject given your piss poor analogies.

But I can't expect y'all to read it because y'all have told me ya can't even be bothered to read your own holy book. The hypocrisy at tellin' me to reread it is wild to me.

Y'all are so trapped by your ignorance ya can't even see I'm thriving over here and how much good it's done for my mental, emotional, and physical health.

I wanted very much to have a healthy relationship with my parental figures, to let y'all be part of my life, but y'all are proving to be toxic as fuck. Quite frankly I don't need it and am content to disconnect to leave ya to your own business. This grown ass woman has her own life to live ✌️🕊️”

Aunt/Uncle:

“We have read the Bible. And even your "research" isn't in the Bible. We will always love you [DEADNAME]. We just don't agree with you. You are the only one disconnecting from us because we don't agree.

And my analogy isn't any more piss poor than yours”

Me:

“"I know you are, but what am I?"

Is what you sound like

And nah, you don't get to be hateful and say that you love me. It doesn't matter your intentions, you're acting shitty. I'm disconnecting because you're acting shitty towards me and I have way too much self respect to accept this treatment.”

Aunt/Uncle:

“I am not being shitty to you. I am allowed to disagree with you. It is a free country. We do love you whether you believe it or not”

Me:

“You're not acting like it 😩

I'm okay with you believing differently. What I'm not okay with is the shitty behavior stemming from those beliefs and I reserve the right to disassociate from the toxicity.

I'm not gonna pretend to be someone or something I'm not just because you can't unpack your own biases.

If y'all want to still be a part of my life you're gonna have to meet me where I'm at with this. Otherwise, señora”

Aunt/Uncle:

“We will pray for you [DEADNAME]. We love you”

Me:

“Lies and pettiness

I don't need your prayers

Focus them on yourselves”

Aunt/Uncle:

“Good bye”

Me:

“Bye”

Below is the image from earlier:

[slushiesandshowtunesat3am]

I agree with everything you’re saying, but you also have to remember that a lot of fic writers are younger and just starting out with their writing, not to mention sharing their work for free. Don’t get me wrong, I find it annoying when a reader is suddenly described with blue eyes and chest hair, but stuff like blushing or running fingers through their hair are common tropes and probably just picked up from books they’ve read. There’s definitely a lot of issues with racism and misogyny in fandom culture, but going after fic writers for making mistakes isn’t the way to go about fixing it imo.

Ps. I’m sorry you’ve been getting all those nasty anons

Okay lovely, so I'm going to address this as gently as possible. I know you're coming from a good place, so I want this to feel like a conversation, and not me just telling you off. So let me see if I can explain my point well. And thank you for your kind words regarding the anons.

In my original post, or at least my second, I did make sure to highlight that I do appreciate the writers on Tumblr overall.

The writers of this app are a huge backbone of it. If not THE backbone of it. They raise communities and open avenues for joy, comfort, shared pain, and creativity that has a lasting impact for years. And the fact that they do it for free? It's heartwarming, it's heart wrenchingly beautiful. We know this. We love it.

But, my post wasn't targeted toward young writers specifically, or those who are just feeling out writing and getting an understanding of what works and what doesn't.

It was to address the fact that I am not the first reader that has expressed annoyance and hurt over the lack of diversity in the fiction on this app, and that it's starting to feel like writers who have been on it for years are deliberately ignoring us.

As well as the fact that (and I know it may seem like a used up argument) it is 2024. Now we have seen, due to recent events, that means less and less in terms of social progress, but there has been so much work put into artistic projects in the past few years to show why diversity and even basic inclusion is so important, and how a few small changes can make a difference.

My posts thus far are to, at the core of them, raise awareness on those ideas and attempt to make even a miniscule difference.

When I first made the post, I was met with amazing writers, new and old, who reached out to me asking for advice on how to make their work more inclusive!

That's why I did what I did.

Because if there are even two writers who see that post and think, "Wow, I don't want readers of color to feel that way when I write, let me revise, " then we have strengthened our writing community as a whole and made a creative space more welcoming for the next generation of writers and readers alike.

[deoidesign]

just wanted to say that I absolutely LOVE your comic I am so inspired by it and it’s so lovely and I wanna buy the physical books (I’ve never done that before) I just AUGGHHH EVERYTHING ABOUT IT IS SO 💙💙💙

do you allow fanart? And is there anything not allowed? I wanna draw adam and steve so bad 😭

Of course it's allowed! Fanart fanfic fan music fan dubs whatever!

I like to think I'm sort of "building a playground" when I make a story, have fun on it! I made it for you!

In my general opinion, it's not my business what my "fandom" does... It's on you and also me to curate our own spaces! If you're inspired by my work in any way, that's the greatest honor I could imagine and I want you to feel fully free to explore that. If someone is being weird, I know where the block button is and they can keep being weird where I don't have to see it haha

Just don't like... sell it... it's messy legally with webtoon and I'm one person making the story and it's my whole income so the few sales I get are kind of huge for me ;_;

[ilovedthestars]

Happy Halloween!

It has been a busy busy week for me but i still have time for some low-key trick-or-treating! Send me an ask with "trick or treat" and i will reply with something small and fun—a cool space fact, a pretty picture, a poem I like, perhaps a little sneak peek at something i'm working on...or maybe something else!

You are welcome to make a request for something specific altho i may decide to ignore it XD Or you can just let me surprise you! (There will be no tricks harsher than a rickroll, promise :) )

[batfamfucker]

Appreciation post for 'girly girl' characters and/or shows that celebrate traditionally feminine things that girls and women are shamed for.

Characters on this list that love makeup, fashion, hair, etc. Characters that are still written as strong, intelligent, brave, etc. That told young girls that these interests are valid, they are not lesser interests. Being feminine and liking traditionally feminine things does not make them weak.

[goldenpinof]

.

[cosmicsnufkin]

.

[protect-namine]

kicking my feet giggling at the winter performance rehearsal dynamics of neji antagonizing the class for their own good, ignoring his own issues; kisa being the concerned angel who flocks to the people who need help in response, ignoring her own issues; and mitsuki flailing at trying to be a good senpai and using his kisa and neji radars as a crutch to figure out what obstacles to remove so the class can finally give him and kisa space to work out their problems (of course, this does not happen. so he's forced to improv onstage as rukiora. oh the irony of mitsu being a very private person, forced to resolve his personal relationship issues in front of an audience)

[gamebunny-advance]

My LGBT+ Headcanons

(Frank discussion about sex and sexuality ahead.)

I have once again neglected to actually think of art to do for pride month, but as a consolation, here's an update on my list of LGBT+ headcanons (except when they're OCs, in which case it's just canon).

-----

Notes

*"Genderfucked" just means that their gender identity doesn't easily fit under a specific label, due to complications. It's usually due to the character being non-human and thus existing outside the gender binary by default. In other words, this label means they may not be literally queer depending on your definitions, but they otherwise represent or are informed by a queer identity or experience.

**Bisexuality is trans-inclusive. In the context of this list, I've chosen to use "bisexual" to indicate that the character has some preferences for gender expression, and I'm using "pansexual" to indicate that the character has little to no preference in gender expression. If it's important, then I'll specify what they're attracted to, but it usually isn't.

Examples:

A character that is attracted exclusively to cismen and transwomen would be listed as bisexual.

A character that has no preference for gender, but is exclusively attracted to feminine expressions would also be listed as "bisexual."

A transfemale character that is only attracted to cismen and transmen would be listed as "straight."

***Not all of the characters listed here are what I'd call "positive" representation. Most (I'd say) are, but a handful aren't. Just remember: Depiction is not necessarily endorsement.

-----

OCs

*I'm only listing OCs that I've talked about at least once this year or are important to said OCs), but effectively every OC I have is queer in some fashion.

Kahon (they/them): Genderfucked. As a sentient arcade machine, Kahon doesn't have an assigned gender. They express a feminine identity when acting through Kun3h0, but doesn't particularly identify with any gender. Only attracted to other arcade machines and the characters in them.

Coexistence!Kun3h0 (any pronouns): Genderfucked. In an AU where Kun3h0 is her own character, Kun3h0 is still genderfucked. She was built and designed as a female, but once they gained sentience he said, "fuck that" and went on to do his own thing.

GAB (she/they): Non-binary/Asexual. They're just a little guy.

Carol (he/him): Transman/Asexual. Was gay in life, but becoming a zombie has been a huge damper on his sex life.

The Prince Formerly Known as Frog (us/we): Cisman/Gay. Uses the royal "we" to refer to themselves, but otherwise uses he/him pronouns.

Floats (he/him): Cisman/Gay (closeted). I want to talk more about his relationship with sexuality since it's a core part of his character, but I think explaining it here would be a little too heavy for a list like this.

Spector (he/him and she/her): *Transwoman/Straight. *Identifies as a cismale and uses he/him pronouns at the beginning of the story, but transitions later. This isn't a character I've talked about too much or even really drawn, but she's Floats' business partner and is inspired by the hypermasculine characters you used to find in early FPS games like Doom and Duke Nukem.

-----

Smash Bros/Retro Buddies

Mr. G&W (he/him): Genderfucked/Ace. He's a shape-shifter and normally lacks genitalia, but he was considered male when he was "born" and identifies as male in all forms. Normally, he doesn't go through the trouble of recreating sex organs when he transforms, since his transformations are usually just a means to an end. Consequently, his body doesn't normally produce those kinds of hormones, so his libido is very low. Sex for him is just a bonding activity that he doesn't particularly seek out.

ROB (any pronouns, but usually he/him): Genderfucked/Demisexual. Technically speaking, he was never assigned a gender at "birth." Due to the limited A.I. of the other ROBs making them only capable of addressing people in the first person and Master Hand never needing to address ROB in the third person, ROB effectively had no pronouns while living on the Island of the Ancients. He only answers to he/him pronouns out of convenience since people assumed his pronouns due to his masculine name, but he doesn't particularly identify with any gender. In the human!AU, he would have been born with a vagina, but is still indifferent to gender as a concept for the same reasons. Since he lived on an isolated island surrounded only by people he considered family, and the first new people he ever met tortured and enslaved said family, he grew a great distrust of other people and is only attracted to people with whom he's already bonded with.

Puck (Pac-Man) (he/him): Transman/Pansexual. He was already transitioning when he first met Pepper. Since they started as rivals, he didn't bother ever bringing it up. When they later fell in love, he still forgot to mention he was trans because he figured that he already said it at some point. They later had 2 kids and are happily married to this day.

Pepper (Ms. Pac-Man) (she/her): Transwoman/Bisexual. She met Puck pre-transition, when she still went by "Otto." She left Pac-Land briefly to work on her transition, and when she came back and met Puck again, she forgot to clarify that she and Otto were the same person because she thought he would just put 2 and 2 together. He didn't. They both didn't realize the other was trans until a conversation about having kids came up. They both laughed it off and are happily married to this day.

Blinky (he/him): Cisman/Gay. Has a love-hate thing for Puck and won't admit it, but wouldn't do anything to seriously sabotage Puck's marriage lest their rivalry become legitimately hostile. He acts tough, but he's a hopeless romantic.

Pinky (she/her): Transwoman/Pansexual. Joined the Ghost Gang as a man and transitioned over time. Unlike Blinky, she is an aspiring homewrecker, but the Pacs are too loyal to each other for anything to come of it.

Inky (he/they): Non-binary/Asexual. The inner mechanisms of his mind are an enigma.

Clyde (pronouns vary): Genderfluid/Bisexual. Not much to say about Clyde. He just does whatever is comfortable for her at the moment.

Tabuu (any pronouns): Genderfucked/Pansexual. Same situation as G&W. He's a little more sexually active, but only because he can use it to get what he wants.

Duck Hunt (Human AU only): Both are cismen (he/him) and gay, but not in a romantic relationship with each other.

-----------

NSR

DJSS (he/him): Non-binary/Ace. AFAB and rejects gender as a limiting concept that he has grown beyond. He's still a little self-conscious about his height though (HRT helped him get wide, but it didn't really help him get tall). Claims to be "sapiosexual" but is actually just uninterested in relationships under most circumstances and sets impossibly high standards just so he doesn't have to deal with it.

Neon J. (he/him): Transman/Gay. He doesn't actually remember that he's trans due to his memory getting corrupted over time. He assumes that he's a cisman and just lost his penis in the war. Is currently pursuing DJSS because he likes a challenge.

Tatiana (she/her): Ciswoman/Lesbian. Was very sexually active during the Goolings era and has only slowed down due to having a lot of other responsibilities now. Originally assumed she was bi and later figured out she was a lesbian. This isn't public knowledge about Tatiana since she's rather reserved about her personal life, but people who know Kul Fyra know. As an aside, she wouldn't date an employee because she's witnessed first hand that having a relationship with someone who is too involved in her business is a disaster waiting to happen.

Kliff (he/him): Cisman/Bisexual (closeted pre-revolution). Believes he's straight because he's only pursued Tatiana romantically, with the excuse that any encounters he had with men were out of desperation from her not reciprocating. He accepts his sexuality post-revolution after he lets go of his fixation on Tatiana. However, he seems to be attracted specifically to people that have similar traits to Tatiana (like big muscular arms and/or fiery personalities), so how "over it" he is about it is debatable.

Mayday (she/her): Ciswoman/Bisexual. She's inexperienced with any kind of romance and has only recently started exploring her attraction to women. Has yet to consider Zuke as a romantic partner, but it could happen.

Zuke (he/him): Cisman/Bisexual. Primarily straight, but could pursue a male love interest if they hit it off. Has considered the possibility of a romantic relationship with Mayday, but is putting it off until they've had more experience as a band (he doesn't want to repeat what happened between him and Eve).

Zam (he/him): Cisman/Gay. I don't have anything to say about it. I just think he's gay.

Yiruk (he/him): Non-binary/Bisexual. Also not much else to say.

Remi (he/him): Demiboy/Straight? He's put a lot of himself into Sayu and is using her as a way to experiment with his feminine side, but he doesn't really feel like a girl. He hasn't had any interest in a relationship yet, so his sexuality is ambiguous right now.

Dodo (he/they): Non-binary/Pansexual. Is very loose with his gender identity. He likes wearing feminine clothes and make-up, but doesn't identify as female. They just like what they like.

Tila (she/her): Demigirl/Bisexual. Is pretty sure she's a girl, but feels ambiguous about it. She has a crush on Remi and generally likes boys, but she thinks girls are really cute too.

Sofa (he/him): Cisman/Gay. Not much to talk about~ He doesn't currently have any crushes.

Sayu (she/her): N/A. "Officially" (as in officially in my headcanon) Sayu is a blank slate so fans can project anything onto her. The most common interpretation with fans is that she's a transgirl lesbian, but other interpretations go around too.

Eve (she/her): Transwoman/Demisexual. She's really attracted to anyone that she thinks could understand her, and is usually disappointed when they aren't. Post-revolution, she hasn't quite opened up to dating again, but at the very least she's healing.

1010 (he/him): Genderfucked/Pansexual. All 1010s are coded without any particular sexual preference, as to make them incapable of rejecting a fan's affection on the basis of sexuality. In this case of "genderfucked" I actually read them as cismen to go with the theme that they are a manufactured product that are not allowed to display any "unmarketable" traits. They'd partake in "rainbow capitalism" but not actually confirm that any of them could be attracted to men or have a non-male identity.

I know I killed DSYNC, but these are the exceptions in the DSYNC!AU:

Kerinting/DSYNC!Green (pronouns vary): Genderfluid. His personality core uses semi-random programming which has leaked into his gender settings, causing her to randomly change gender at random intervals. Sometimes she'll be one gender for a few weeks. Sometimes it only lasts a day. Either way, it throws his sense of self out of whack when her current identity doesn't match his presentation. Kerinting manages this a little better since she's allowed to alter her body more, while this is a major obstacle for Green.

DSYNC!Blue: Gay (closeted). Is in a similar situation to Green. Blue's personality core makes him hyper focus on singular targets. However, this inadvertently affected his sexuality settings, so he became exclusively homosexual. He tries to hide it as to not start controversy for the group (which is easy to do since his emotional expression is a lot more subtle than the others). White is the only one that knows and hasn't told the Captain at Blue's request.

DSYNC!White: Agender/Asexual. In this AU, he has a very negative reaction to being a sex symbol against his will. As a result, he's rejected his sense of sexuality and is sex/touch repulsed. He only keeps up appearances as it pertains to his job. If he had it his way, he would retire alone near the sea and fish for a living.

--------

Moonside (My ACNH Island) (Sorry, these aren't as deep as others. The lore on Moonside isn't actually that strong, so I haven't given it much thought U_U)

Fuchsia (she/her and he/him): Ciswoman/Lesbian. Currently pursuing Syrup, but Syrup isn't ready to reciprocate yet.

Norma (she/her): Transwoman/Bisexual. In a relationship with Merengue.

Merengue (she/her): Ciswoman/Lesbian. In a relationship with Norma.

Dotty (she/her): Transwoman/Lesbian. This is a carry-over from New Leaf. She doesn't have a partner on Moonside, but her original partner was Coco.

Rolf (he/him): Transman/Gay

Raymond (he/him): Cisman/Gay

--------

Misc.

Mike Hatsune (he/him): Transman/Bisexual. I dunno if it's canon that he's Miku's dad/creator, but I prefer to think of him as future Miku after he retires from being an idol and goes on to be Domino's new overlord CEO.

Roba (he/him): Transman/Asexual. I think that's just actually canon through subtext. That would unfortunately mean that his friends are kinda transphobic as they consistently misgender him, but I'd like to think they get better about it later.

Horace (he/him): Bisexual. Also actually canon since we know he likes girls and has also fucked a bear thinking it was his best friend.

Alfe (he/him): Gay. Probably canon, but I don't have much evidence to back it up.

[chronomally]

How is Peter able to even look at other men when Nick is right there and he is so cute and good at everything and so sweet with kids and dogs

[nonokoko13]

Why can't people like a celebrity without imagine them as queer? Can't people like Taylor music without go saying she's lesbian/queer when she hasn't said anything about that. Pretty sure if she was attracted to women she would have already said it 🫠

Even in the hypothetical scenario where she was queer indeed pressuring somebody to come out or out them yourself is selfish, stupid, dangerous, toxic and overall fucked up (-᷅_-᷄)

We have so many queer pop icons out of the closet but you need to headcanon your favourite ally/het as lgbt for...comfort reasons? Just because she's your fav? Because you are queer? Dude she's not a fictional character can you not spread false information or discuss real people orientations and just enjoy their content 💀

all goofing aside I genuinely don't understand the urge to reimagine Taylor Allison Swift as a secretly queer icon when the pop music scene(TM) is like. literally overflowing with women who actually like women. Gaga and Kesha and Miley and Halsey are right there. Rina Sawayama and Hayley Kiyoko and Rebecca Black and Kehlani and Victoria Monét and Miya Folick if you're willing to get slightly less top 100. Janelle and Demi for them nonbinary takes on liking girls. like what are we doing here. like I'm not even saying you can't enjoy Taylor but why would you hang all your little gay hopes on her.

[teaboot]

I've never had a cat before and I'm hoping to get one soon. Do you have any advice?

Treat a new cat as you would a new roommate. Give them space and time to settle, establish a pattern and a rhythm, and in time they may choose to become friends and spend time with you. Dont force a friendship.

Use simple words and repetition to establish communication. Words like breakfast, treat, snack, lunch, supper, dinner, food, and eat all basically mean, "I am feeding you; expect to be fed", but it's a lot for a little guy to remember. I just say "Dinner" when I mean "cat food is coming", and so my boy knows exactly what I mean when I say it. As a plus, using only one word for snack time means he has no idea what the other words mean, so I can talk about food in front of him without ruling him up.

Pay attention to body language. Cats all have different personalities, and you'll learn their likes, dislikes, and messages over time this way. Son boy here loves anything with plumbing but dislikes getting wet- his favourite blanket to chew and snuggle goes on his favourite chair, and he gives me a specific gesture when he wants me to kneel down so he can jump onto my shoulder.

Read into problematic behaviour. Cats pee in weird places when they're hurting, in distress, or have insufficient of unclean litter box space. Biting, attacking feet , and knocking things off tables often means they're understimulated and need you to play with them, or at least need some kind of enrichment or puzzle to tackle. Tail flicking can be frustration or irritation. Purring is usually good, but may also be self-soothing behaviour to alleviate pain, encourage healing, and relieve anxiety, like over-grooming.

Like children, "bad" behaviour isn't malicious- it usually means there's something you aren't seeing.

Learn how your cat expresses love. Loads of people think cats are uncaring, cruel, and indifferent, but the truth is, they're just not dogs. Spending time near you, showing an interest in tools you're using or projects you're working on, sitting the way you sit, laying on their back, rubbing on your legs, wiping their face on your shoes when you get home- these are signs that your cat is enamored with you. You're their family, they feel safe and protected around you, they're curious about things you enjoy and want everyone to know you're family.

Set reasonable expectations. Again, cats are not dogs.We bred dogs to desire our approval- cats walked into our lives themselves. They have no human-programmed need to fulfill a duty or perform a task to your standards.

Training cats to do tricks isn't as hard as people say, but the willingness or interest in doing the trick is more heavily reliant on personality and mood. Some cats will refuse all but the most basic requests- I'm lucky in that Ollie understands and is willing to do several, provided I don't abuse his trust and he's not crowded or overwhelmed or just bored of doing it over and over in a short period.

Ollie, for example, knows Up to stand on his back legs and hold my hand, Down to get to a surface I indicate, Out to emerge from a closed space, Come to find me where I am, Help? when I'm offering to let him use me as an elevator, Dinner when I understand he's hungry and am getting food, and when I put on his collar he knows to climb into his carrier 'cause we're going somewhere. And he'll do any of these about 90% of the time, either ignoring me or phoning it in when there's something interesting somewhere else, or if he's feeling anxious.

Lead by example. If you dread taking them to the vet, they'll see the anxiety in your body language and behaviour and likely learn to hate it, too. Again using my guy an example, I starred taking him on walks long before his first vet appointment, just to get used to his carrier and leash. Then his first checkup was relaxed and informal, with plenty of treats, and I let him explore the examination room with permission from the tech. Now he loves going, so I'm not stressed about taking him, so I don't stress him out in turn, and the vest doesn't have to deal with a stressed out cat slowing things down and fighting with them.

Make sure your sources are good ones, and also good ones for you. I will recommend Jackson Galaxy's YouTube channel for cat advice because a lot of what he does matches up with what I've learned and know to be true. I don't personally recommend Ceasar Milan because I personally find his methods distressing to recreate regardless of efficacy, so even if that advice was useful, *I'd* be miserable, and it'd just be trading one issue for another.

Have a person who can help. You never know when you might end up out of town overnight unexpectedly, or when your place may need serviced or fumigated, or if you may be called out of town. Before getting a cat, research reliable pet sitters, house sitters, pet daycares, whatever, just in case.

Consider pet insurance. No long spiel here, just think about it. Especially if you don't know your cats ancestry or potenyial health risks. An on top of that, fucking vaccinate them.

Dont let them free roam. At all.

I grew up on a farm with free-roaming barn cats. Do you know how many times child-me cried over having to bury them? Illness, disease, pregnancy, vehicles, other territorial cats, ticks, fleas, litter, poisoned prey, malicious humans, local wildlife, predatory birds, scrap metal, extreme heat, freezing temperatures, tainted water sources, poisonous or venomous critters, getting stuck in small or high places, tapeworms, loose nails, old equipment, falling branches...

I've seen some truly body-horror slasher-movie shit- just truly nauseating visual fuckery- and I'm telling you not to let your cat free-roam.

Leash training isn't hard. Supervised walks aren't hard. Even keeping your cat physically fit and entertained indoors isn't an impossible feat. Don't let your fucking cat fucking free-roam. Fuck

Also read up on foods and plants cats can't do, like every houseplant in existence is toxic it's insane

Anyhow yeah that's like. A couple things I guess

Here, have an Ollie Pic