#[ i usually just do this in the dms so thank u for the outlet ]

[hecrowned]

           𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑   𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐃𝐘  :

𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐄𝐑 𝟎𝟎𝟏.  :   THE OUTSIDE.

NAME  :    benjamin   florian   châtillon EYE   COLOUR  :   a   transformative   hazel. clusters   of   brown   collide   with   bright   green,   each   one   appearing   to   be   the   majority   depending   on   lighting.   emerald   gems   fused   with   coffee   hues,   speckles   of   opaque   clouds   scattered   throughout.   in   the   sunlight   they   shine   of   evergreen   trees,   bright   and   beautiful   yet   deep   and   captivating.   in   the   dark,   they   drip   of   honey   and   earthy   hues.  HAIR   STYLE   /   COLOUR  :    born   with   bright   blonde   locks,   many   would   joke   that   it   was   as   if   he   had   been   touched   by   the   sun.   beginning   just   shy   of   platinum,   ben’s   locks   naturally   darkened   as   the   years   progressed,   settling   into   a   soft   honey   for   the   majority   of   his   teenage   years.   by   the   time   he’s   been   king   for   some   time,   that   honey   has   shifted   into   a   deep   chestnut   and   later   to   a   dark   chocolate   brown. HEIGHT  :     six   foot CLOTHING   STYLE  :     elegant.   regal.   proper.   he   is   hardly   seen   in   anything   except   for   a   suit   and   ever   since   his   coronation,   he’s   largely   seen   with   the   added   accessory   of   his   crown.   he   sticks   to   blues   and   yellows   with   almost   everything   he   wears   donning   the   symbol   of   his   nation. BEST   PHYSICAL   FEATURE  :     smile

𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐄𝐑 𝟎𝟎𝟐.  :   THE  INSIDE

FEARS  :    magic   -   something   he   consistently   tries   to   hide   or   push   down,   confined   spaces,   his   own   anger,   failure,   disappointing   his   parents   and   the   world,   his   proclamation   backfiring,   gaston,   losing   his   friends/family,   being   viewed   as   a   monster,   being   a   monster,   public   embarrassment,   losing   all   of   his   power,   ending   up   alone

BIGGEST   PET   PEEVE  :     when   people   treat   school/education/learning   as   something   that   is   insufferable   or   boring   or   uncool,   people   who   talk   with   food   in   their   mouth,   people   who   are   needlessly   rude,   when   someone   thinks   not   trying   is   cool,   people   who   say   online   book   summaries   give   enough   to   truly   understand   a   book,   when   he   can’t   get   a   word   in,   when   someone   treats   him   like   his   kindness   equates   stupidity 

AMBITIONS   FOR   THE   FUTURE  :     he   just   wants   to   be   a   great   king   at   the   end   of   the   day.   he   wants   to   change   auradon   for   the   better   and   transform   it   into   a   place   where   everyone,   no   matter   their   background   or   heritage,   can   find   peace   and   happiness.   he   hopes   to   continue   making   changes   to   the   isle   so   that   it’s   somewhere   that   can   flourish.   he   wants   to   make   alterations   to   magic   laws   and   sidekick   rights   and   listen   to   the   people   and   grow   with   them.   he’d   like   to   fall   in   love,   a   love   that   lasts,   and   he   aches   to   remain   close   to   the   friends   that   he   already   has.   he   used   to   strive   for   perfection   but   these   days   he   thinks   he   dreams   of   simply   ending   each   day   with   a   smile   and   being   the   best   king   he   can   be.

𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐄𝐑 𝟎𝟎𝟑.  :   THOUGHTS

FIRST   THOUGHTS   WAKING   UP  :    he   wakes   up   wondering   will   it   always   be   this   way   ?   late   nights   filled   with   fear   and   restlessness,   an   inability   to   sleep   and   failing   to   distract   his   mind.   he’s   always   groggy,   exhausted,   and   if   he   has   managed   to   sleep,   it   never   feels   like   enough.   it’s   not   long   enough   or   deep   enough.   it   weighs   him   down.   every   morning   is   filled   with   an   onslaught   of   stress   and   responsibilities   and   pressure   that’s   delivered in   a   perfect   little   package   by   his   staff   in   the   form   of   morning   tea   and   a   to-do   list. “it   will   get   easier”   lumiere   had   once   told   him,   but   it   hasn’t   yet,   he’s   just   made   it   seem   like   it   has   and   if   anyone   asks,   he   tells   them   it’s   easier   now.   it’s   not.   he   questions   if   easier   will   ever   come   or   if   tolerating   the   weight   is   the   best   he’ll   ever   do.   he’ll   turn   off   his   alarm   and   get   up   without   needing   to   hit   snooze   and   force   himself   to   shift   his   focus   to   everything   he   must   accomplish   in   a   day. WHAT   THEY   THINK   ABOUT   MOST  :      auradon.   his   work.   his   loved   ones.   there’s   not   just   one   thing   that   takes   up   the   majority   of   his   mind,   it’s   a   messy   amalgamation   of   the   things   that   are   important   to   him   and   sometimes,   the   things   that   he   most   fears.   the   words   of   proposals   fill   his   mind,   the   decisions   people   are   waiting   on   him   to   make   hover   in   his   thoughts.   he   thinks   of   the   topic   of   meetings   of   the   week   and   how   he   can   prepare   for   them.   yet   the   sound   of   a   loved   one   laughing   at   a   joke   he’s   told   will   play   on   repeat   in   his   head   and   he’ll   see   something   that   will   remind   him   of   a   friend.   he’ll   have   flashbacks   to   things   he’d   rather   not   remember   because   of   a   sight   or   a   smell.   he’s   someone   who   leads   a   very   busy   life   and   as   a   result,   he   has   a   very   busy   head. WHAT   THEY   THINK   ABOUT   BEFORE   BED  :     all   of   the   mistakes   he   made   that   day   and   how   he   can   do   better.   he   thinks   about   if   he’s   let   anyone   down   and   if   he   has,   how   he   can   make   it   up   to   them.   he   thinks   about   what   he   hasn’t   managed   to   get   through   and   he   thinks   about   everything   he’ll   need   to   get   through   the   next   day.   he   wonders   if   he’ll   be   able   to   fall   asleep   or   if   he’ll   just   sit   there,   staring   at   the   wall   until   he   finally   just   gets   up   to   do   something   in   the   time   that   he’s   wasting   by   trying.   he   wonders   if   he   does   sleep   if   he’ll   be   haunted   by   nightmares   and   if   he   is,   what   they’ll   be   about   this   time.   he   questions   if   they   will   be   so   bad   that   he’ll   wake   up,   incapable   of   falling   back   asleep. WHAT   THEY   THINK   THEIR   BEST   QUALITY   IS  :     his   kindness.   he   firmly   believes   that   it’s   his   greatest   strength   and   that   striving   to   be   good   to   others   is   one   of   the   most   important   things   a   person   can   do.

𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐄𝐑 𝟎𝟎𝟒.  :   WHAT’S BETTER ?

SINGLE   OR   GROUP   DATES  :     single   !   ben   has   a   very   limited   amount   of   time   with   the   person   that   he   loves   and   while   he   thinks   group   dates   are   a   lot   of   fun,   he   really   just   wants   to   spend   the   time   that   he   does   have   with   that   person.   he’s   someone   who   pours   his   everything   into   the   person   that   he   loves   and   if   he   could,   he   would   probably   spend   all   of   his   time   with   them,   but   he   can’t.   he   likes   the   emotional   intimacy   of   a   single   date,   the   opportunity   to   be   vulnerable,   and   the   ability   to   put   all   of   his   attention   on   that   one   person   that   matters   most. TO   BE   LOVED   OR   RESPECTED  :    ben,   just   ben,   aches   for   love.   to   give   love   and   to   know   how   it   feels   to   be   loved   in   return.   but   king   benjamin   requires   respect   to   be   an   efficient   king   and   a   successful   leader.   for   years   ben   wanted   to   believe   that   he   could   switch   between   the   two,   that   he   could   snap   in   and   out   of   it   and   it   would   be   fine.   but   doing   that   made   it   so   that   he   didn’t   know   who   he   was   deep   down.   it’s   taken   time   for   him   to   accept   it,   but   he’s   both.   the   part   of   him   that   is   king   and   the   part   of   him   that   wants   nothing   more   than   to   curl   up   with   a   book   are   both   equally   him.   he   can’t   have   one   without   the   other   because   he   wouldn’t   be   himself.   this   means   that   he   often   faces   a   choice:   which   part   of   him   will   he   listen   to. 

he   thinks   that   it   might   be   better   to   be   loved   in   life   because   there’s   nothing   quite   like   love   but   he   knows   that   if   he   had   to   only   choose   one,   he   would   choose   respect   because   he   has   a   duty   to   thousands   of   people   and   he   has   to   put   them   first.   he   needs   to   be   a   king   before   just   a   person   and   if   a   king   is   simply   loved   but   not   respected   then   they   will   accomplish   nothing   for   their   country,   they   will   fail   to   be   heard,   and   they   will   be   taken   advantage   of   by   councils   and   nobles   who   view   them   as   nothing   more   than   a   figurehead.   he   needs   to   help   those   who   have   no   one   and   he   wants   to   change   the   world   for   the   better,   but   he   must   command   respect   if   he   is   to   do   that.   he   thinks   that   if   him   being   respected   and   never   loved   would   mean   that   everyone   else   in   the   world   could   know   what   love   was   like,   it   would   be   a   sacrifice   that   was   well   worth   it.

BEAUTY   OR   BRAINS  :     brains.   he   cares   much   more   about   how   someone   thinks   rather   than   how   they   look.   he   wants   to   be   surrounded   by   people   he   can   have   stimulating   conversations   with   and   people   who   can   encourage   him   to   learn   more   as   well. DOGS   OR   CATS   :    dogs.

𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐄𝐑 𝟎𝟎𝟓.  :   DO THEY…

LIE  :     he   wishes   he   didn’t   but   he   does.    he   spent   a   lot   of   his   life   presenting   himself   to   be   someone   that   he   is   largely   not.   he   lies   about   being   okay   and   he   lies   about   being   happy   and   a   lot   of   times   he   lies   to   himself   about   those   things   too.   he   portrays   himself   as   an   open   book   but   is   in   actuality   a   very   closed   off   and   private   individual,   he   hates   opening   up   and   will   almost   never   do   it,   so   he   finds   himself   lying   to   avoid   having   to   spill   his   soul   to   someone. BELIEVE   IN   THEMSELVES  :     yes.   there’s   days   that   he   doubts   himself,   of   course,   days   where   he   thinks   that   he’s   made   more   mistakes   than   anything,   days   where   it   feels   like   he   can’t   do   anything   right.   but   he   always   picks   himself   up   because   he   knows   that   he   can   do   it,   he   has   to   do   it,   he   has   to   believe   in   himself   —   he   has   no   other   choice. BELIEVE   IN   LOVE  :     absolutely.   he   finds   love   in   everything.   he   sees   it   in   passing   smiles,   in   letters   and   notes,   in   the   way   the   flowers   bloom   in   the   spring   and   the   way   the   leaves   fall   in   autumn.   he   thinks   everyone   has   love   within   them,   that   it’s   the   core   of   all   people,   and   that   everyone   deserves   to   feel   loved   in   some   form.   he   doesn’t   think   there’s   anything   in   the   world   that   could   make   him   lose   his   belief   in   love. WANT   SOMEONE  :    of   course.   ben   has   kind   of   dreamed   of   finding   the   one   since   the   day   he   heard   stories   of   true   love.   he   wants   to   spend   his   life   with   that   someone   special   and   grow   old   with   them,   filling   a   lifetime   with   experiences   of   love   and   joy.

𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐄𝐑 𝟎𝟎𝟔.  :   HAVE  THEY…

BEEN   ON   STAGE  :     yes,   not   only   does   he   speak   on   stage   to   enormous   crowds   fairly   often   but   he’s   done   a   few   plays   and   musicals. DONE   DRUGS  :     no   CHANGED   WHO   THEY   WERE   TO   FIT   IN  :     YES.   for   most   of   ben’s   life   he   has   put   up   a   perfect   facade   and   pretended   to   be   this   person   that   he’s   not   so   he   wouldn’t   disappoint   people   or   appear   like   he   was   going   to   fail   to   meet   their   high   expectations.   auradon   is   very   critical   and   he   has   done   everything   to   make   everyone   happy.   he’s   gotten   better   about   it   around   friends   but   he   still   is   guilty   of   it.

𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐄𝐑 𝟎𝟎𝟕.  :   FAVOURITES

FAVOURITE   COLOURS  :     blue   and   yellow FAVOURITE   ANIMAL  :      he   really   can’t   pick   one,   he   loves   them   all  FAVOURITE   BOOK  :     his   favorite   book   literally   changes   nonstop,   he   can’t   pick   one.   he   finds   he   struggles   to   rank   books   because   they   all   offer   something   different.   he   tends   to   lean   towards   classics   and   surprisingly   enough,   seems   to   enjoy   tragedies.   in   a   weird   way,   they   inspire   him   to   learn   from   his   mistakes,   to   grow   and   to   change,   and   to   find   the   light   even   in   the   darkest   situations. FAVOURITE   GAME  :     chess.   hands   down.   but   he   really   likes   staying   active   so   anything   that’s   physical   he   tends   to   enjoy.   he’s   also   a   sucker   for   a   good   game   of   uno   or   risk,   he   takes   both   very   seriously.

𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐄𝐑 𝟎𝟎𝟖.  :   FINISH  THE  SENTENCE

I LOVE  :     love. I FEEL  :     tired. I HIDE  :     behind   a   mask.   I MISS  :     who   i   used   to   be. I WISH  :     for   all   to   find   peace   and   joy.

TAGGED     BY     :     @griimhilde TAGGING     :     anyone   who   hasn’t   been   tagged   yet   PLEASE   do   this   bc   i   want   to   read   about   ur   chara

[pr1ncessm00n]

hey everyone :) a little chat/ serious psa below

sorry for my unannounced hiatus lol- i’ve had a bit much on my plate. but my plate is cleared! i can’t say the last chapter of common sense will come this week because i’m still drafting and i want it to be a perfect, long, ending to this series 💕 it’s my favorite one i’ve written so far so i want to do it, and y’all, justice!

i also started a stan twitter! so if you would like to go ahead and follow that my username is @mikasas2casa (hehe creative ik). i am also on AO3 where i will crosspost my fics! my ao3 used is the same as my tumblr, but i haven’t uploaded anything yet as i’m still trying to make it work. i refuse to join wattpad tho that’s too far gone for me, rip old wattpad you will be missed.

i won president at school!! so that means more responsibility, but hey it’s what i wanted so i’m very pleased :)

serious time…

the only thing i ask is to please not flood my inbox with asks about when i’ll update again lol. i try to be as active as possible but sometimes i just can’t sit and chat or respond to everyone asking me when i’m gonna write. it makes me feel rushed and like i’m only seen as a source of entertainment lol. while i did have sunday as my usual update day, i’ve tried my best to abide by it but i am human and things do come up. which is why i’m letting everyone know ahead of time that this sunday nor this week is a guaranteed publish date. yes i am working hard on it and i have not put it off, but i am also a full time student, work two jobs (one internship which is unpaid), and frankly this is a side hobby for me. it doesn’t mean i don’t love it, but obviously i have priorities and i won’t be able to write if i’m broke and degreeless lol. rudeness doesn’t really get you anywhere besides blocked so i just wanted to make that clear! i also have a bunch of requests to work on so i’m trying my best to provide multiple sources of content. i do enjoy writing but when people send me rude asks or rude messages directly it kind of sucks the fun out of that.

i also want to make it clear that i joined tumblr as a creative outlet and with no intention to gain a bunch of followers or be noticed! and i do appreciate almost 500 followers in such a short time and over 600 notes, i didn’t join for clout at all so not to sound like a total bitch but if this is becoming toxic i won’t hesitate to leave, and then we all lose. so i think it pays off to be nice if im writing something you supposedly want me to continue lol <3

and please, while i don’t mind interacting with you guys in comments just please be mindful that i have my own struggles and like i said, tumblr is my safe place to escape that for a bit. so if you’re trauma dumping in my inbox or dms it’s kind of uncomfortable for me and i am not qualified fo give anyone advice on how to deal with traumatic situations lol so just please be mindful that i’m just a nineteen year old trying to write fanfiction. i’ve already had some pretty crappy interactions with online friends in the past so i just prefer to keep my space sometimes, and i’m not averse to friendship! but i do prefer to just be a bit more private sometimes lol. i know that sounds weird bc i tell y’all updates on my life and stuff but that’s more general stuff, not deep dark personal secret time lmaoo so let’s be mindful of that please.

thank you for all the support and appreciation you’ve shown <3 and no i’m not mad at any of you (except the rude nonnies in my dms demanding an update?? i wish youd expose yourself so i could block u lol) but im just not very good at establishing boundaries and thats something i need to work on without offending anyone!! ok i talk too much bye guys <3 see u soon!

[prettynobodyco]

My DMs is probably my favorite place on this app. Even tho this year it was violated by a very unfortunate dick, usually I have wonderful messages like this one that pull me out of tough spots.⁣ ⁣ Y’ALL, I appreciate u *so much*, like I hope you know cuz you help me immensely. I’m a little baby who needs constant reminding I’m not wasting my time, that I’m not just screaming into the void. Usually when I need it the most, a special message will pop up to remind me I matter and I help others cope with life a little bit. That’s so huge. There’s not much else bigger than that. ⁣ ⁣ This space is so many things. It can be overwhelming and I know most would suggest I find my “niche” and focus on that but I just don’t want to limit myself (♒️!) what I do know is it’s a community where radical honesty and taboo topics can breathe. It’s educational but also very NSFW. It’s my journal & sketchbook. It’s my job and my life. It’s my way of trying to survive this life and communicate after losing my voice at such a young age. It’s my safe space, another therapeutic outlet that goes hand in hand with going to therapy. Just taking y’all along for the ride has proven to be a way to help others who are dealing with similar situations and don’t see many people talking about it openly. My DMs are always open. We aren’t alone. ⁣ ⁣ 2020 will be 5 years of @prettynobody 💜 Thank you for everything y’all do to support me 💕 EXCEPT @instagram - y’all screwed me with the algorithm. I swear, had I been at 30k then, I’d be seen by way more people by now. BE BETTER IG. (at Los Angeles, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/B6wNAHhhnVa/?igshid=1fnd186rny4so

[madd-information]

Hi, I just found out that there is an entire community for maladaptive daydreamers here and it’s so relieving.!! Bc I feel less alone. I just created a blog to rb and interact with everyone but I’m not sure how the community works at all. Like the tags, and the names used like paras and so. Could u give me an explanation how things work around here? Like things I should keep in mind and how to inset myself in the community:) thank u so much by the way

I’ll do my best!

@babydollsmadd has a good list of MD tags HERE.  Avoid using #MDD, that’s the major depressive community and were well established before we ever showed up. If you want your posts to be seen you should always use tags, people often search specific tags rather than rely on their home feed to show them what’s new in the community. #actuallymadd and #maladaptive daydreaming seem to be the most active.

I have a post detailing some of the common terms HERE and many other blogs have their own glossaries, HERE’S one by @chaosdreamchronicles.

Overall the MD community is very welcoming.  You’ll see a mix of posts, some focus on positivity, some are vent posts, some informative, some detail their struggle or treatment and some focus on creativity by posting art of their characters/paras and some offer their blog space as an anonymous outlet for others. 

You will come across some blogs that dislike their posts being shared outside of the MD community, they will usually announce this in the post in some way using a banner or the tagging system; read the tags of posts, they very often add supplemental information or context about what you’re reading. If there are no tags keep in mind it may be a post they did not intend to reach any further than their followers and reconsider if it’s appropriate to reblog. 

Read bios and descriptions, people will often detail who they a comfortable interacting with.  Things like not being comfortable interacting with bloggers of a certain age or blogs who often post material they are not comfortable seeing on their feed. 

People also appreciate trigger warnings if you’re going to be posting material that may warrant one.  I’m really not the best person to ask about Tumblr etiquette when it comes to this topic though, being what I am I almost never use trigger warnings.  Followers might request that you tag certain material, some might even ask you if there’s anything they should tag, how you handle it is up to you, sometimes people may have to block you for their own mental health, sometimes you may have to block others, it’s just what needs to be done sometimes and there’s no shame in it. 

As far as following/interacting, here’s what I’ve done;  I like and reblog a lot of posts, anything that seems relevant to the direction of my blog. I reply to whatever I am able to and I ask my followers to weigh in with their experiences and opinions. And I follow a lot of people.  I follow back anyone who follows me but when I’m following someone cold I check their blog and only hit that button if MD is specifically mentioned in their name, description or bio or if they have specifically reblogged a post titled something like “reblog if you’re a madd blog” (I don’t want to accidentally ‘out’ anyone). On a side note, try not to get too upset if someone asks you to unfollow them, I’m a little lax with my follows and people have to DM me to unfollow them sometimes when I’ve hit that button blind. It happens and it’s not personal. 

And I use asks! A lot.  Ah, I see a few followers out there thinking “hmm, do you? I’ve never gotten an ask from madd-information”.  Yes, you probably have.  Asks are wonderful because you and click the little anonymous button and no one will know who sent it. I don’t have a personal blog so when I feel like sharing those things I do it anonymously through other blogs. And sometimes I just send fan mail, don’t be afraid to show support or appreciation for a blog you’ve been stalking, asks are almost always welcome in our tightknit little community. 

Submissions are a little different, not everyone will have button turned on and they can be used in a few different ways.  You can use them to create content somewhere when it’s not particularly relevant to your own blog, particularly for blogs more focused on curating content for the community rather than chronicling the experiences of the blog owner, like a few of the ones linked above. And on some blogs you can use them to advertise, I’ll let those people make themselves known in the notes.  

My blog is one of those you can advertise on;  If you have links to an MD resources or information you can use the submissions button to write your own post about it and have it shared here, which can be helpful for smaller blogs who may not otherwise be seen very widely. I’ll approve requests for MD information as well, you may need the aid of the wider community rather than just me and can use submissions for that rather than asks. If you want to plug your MD community, Youtube channel, website or art, I also approve those or, as the case is here, if you’re a new blog you can also submit an introduction post and pick up a few followers that way. I do reblog introduction posts when I see them, but I don’t always see them and this can help if you’re one who fell through the cracks. 

As wonderful as this community is we do disagree and argue.  The content reflected here may not always be what you need.  You may be using creativity and positivity to cope with your MD and find vent posts pull you down to a dark unhelpful place.  You may be someone who needs to vent and distance yourself from daydream content and find posts with a more positive spin enable problematic behavior in you.  Sometimes we get frustrated and lash out at one another. It’s important to remember that we are a community of all different ages, sexes, nationalities, genders, cultures, socio-economic status’ etc and within that we are a community of people with very different experiences of MD, different in the severity, different in the causes and different in our approaches to dealing with it. Be considerate, try to forgive, everyone here is your future best friend and we’re very glad you found us. 

[seagullee]

silent noise

words: 3,162 warnings: mentions of starving one's self, bullying authors note: happy birthday mork bork lee i love you so much btw this is my first scenario so don't kill me lol genre :🌼🌸 angst/fluff "honestly, y/n isn't even that pretty, I have no idea why mark is dating her." "There are so many other talented girls he could've dated..." "There's nothing special about her." "ah... she's so chubby, she should diet." "maybe if she fixed her body and face, then she'd be good enough for mark." "she looks so bad in that skirt. Y/n please fix your stretch marks, thank you." "She should eat less. Y/ N looks like a pig." "Mark deserves so much better." You scrolled through the comments under the recent article that was put up on Naver. You were currently at the MBC building , visiting Mark before one of his last Cherry Bomb promotions. • During the past week someone had caught you and your boyfriend, Mark , out on a date. The two of you had been so careful the past seven months to keep your relationship on a down low , but the simple drop of the hood from the wind and slip of the mask exposed your relationship to the public. Your thoughts rushed around your head as the sound of camera shutters clicked filled your ears. "Isn't that NCT's Mark Lee?" "Who's that girl with him?" "They aren't on a date are they?" Mark had grabbed your hand and made a run for it. Once the coast was clear of paparazzi and pesky fans , Mark noticed the worry in your face. "Don't worry, I won't let anything bad happen to you okay , love?" "But Mark-" "The public were to find out eventually. Better now than later , right?" He kissed the top of your head and held your hands. A few days after the release of the pictures , SM released an official statement that yes, the two of you were dating. You had been dating a few months prior actually. The usual things such as " Please respect the privacy of Mark and Y/N" and " we hope you stand by his decision " were also included in the statement. Of course there were the sweetheart fans who were behind everything that Mark did. They sent loving comments to Mark and genuine kind words to you as well. You always loved reading their comments. They made you feel better about this whole situation but in the other hand , there were fans who disapproved of your relationship with Mark. The amount of mean comments dominated the nice ones. "Don't mind it , Y/N. The fans who write all the terrible stuff are just immature. They're the ones who can't get over them selves." He had said to you. You wanted to listen to him , you really did , but the amount of hate you started to receive was something you couldn't stay away from. Mark's fans had found your social network accounts. They sent messages telling you how much they despised you. You even got death threats one time in your Instagram dm. You were pretty sure you had over 100 people blocked by now. Majority of the comments body shamed you. You yourself weren't the standard slim and tall, beauty, but you weren't terribly over weight either. Yes ,you had your imperfections such as a tummy , thighs , stretch marks, and cellulite , but you celebrated these things rather than letting it get yourself down- usually. All the mean things people were saying were starting to get into your head. You now took a good look at yourself in the mirror and watched your self esteem deflate. "Maybe they're right... I could lose a few pounds... I need to eat less... will skipping meals work? Should I get a nose job? It all hurt. " You thought. Everything was just so overwhelming by now. You had shut yourself in your home for the last week, sobbing in your bedroom. "What has my relationship come to?" you asked yourself. As the days went by , everything had been getting increasingly more difficult for you. Today, just leaving your own home felt like something you couldn't accomplish. As you walked the street some fans had noticed you , even through your mask and sunglasses. They took that opportunity to spit angry words in your face. You just bowed to them politely and went on your way. • Taeyong sucked in air though his teeth as he checked the article on Naver for the nth time. "Mark, you've read the article haven't you?" The teenage boy looked at his leader though the mirror , while the makeup artist put the final touches on his makeup. "Hyung, I've probably read it more than you and all the other members combined. I've read articles on other sites too." Taeyong bit his lip. "I'm guessing you've read all the comments under the articles then as well. " "Trust me. I know what people are saying about Y/N. I've seen it all." Haechan looked up at Mark from eating his food. "I wonder how she's taking all of this." By now, all the stylists and managers had left the room for a short while. Mark sank back in his chair, leaning his head back. "She can't be taking any of this too well. She's getting attacked by pretty much our whole fanbase." WinWin commented while munching on a cookie. Mark let out a groan. He felt terrible that all of this was happening to you. You were receiving more hate for the relationship than he was. Guilt crawled up his spine. This all wasn't fair, especially for his precious Y/N. Mark ruffled his hair in frustration. "Do you guys know how many times I picked up the phone to Y/N sobbing? All of this hatred from fans has gotten to her . She says that she doesn't think that she's enough for me. She says that NCT won't do well because of this setback - I don't want her to think like that- I need to take some of the blame too-" Mark hadn't realized that his eyes had become watery. The boys watched in silence. They had never seen Mark in such a upset state. He was normally so happy and cheerful. The tension in the room was slightly released when one of the stylists who had been in the room earlier popped her head into the room. "Mark," she said softly , catching the raven haired boy's eyes, "It looks like Y/N is here for you." She whispered. The boy's head quickly snapped up. He hadn't seen you for a while and was dying to once again. When he quietly entered the hallway, he found you with your back faced away from the door. "Huh, Y/N looks thinner than usual..." Being a few inches taller than you he peeked over your shoulder, the small smile on his face quickly disappeared. Mark pursed his lips as he saw you scrolling through your direct messages , reading what terrible things people had sent you. He waited a minute or two and also watched you open the web browser to the articles , your eyes running over each comment left. He had had enough. His arm reached over you and snatched your phone right out of your hand. Realizing that your phone was soon taken away from you, a groan escaped your mouth. You sharply turned around with a glare and fumes radiating off of you. "Excuse me-" Your mood quickly calmed as you saw Mark standing in front of you. "M-mark." You sputtered. "Y/N" he breathed. Mark immediately enveloped you into a hug , sending warm waves all over your body. You missed him. You really did. Entering the waiting room once again , hand in hand , the members greeted you politely. Mark led you into one of the corners of the room and sat you down on the couch. You immediately cuddled up to him, his arms wrapping around your waist and your head lying on his shoulder. The two of you made small talk , avoiding what's been happening on the social media outlets. As time went by, you felt his fingers intertwine with yours. You smiled and stared at the size difference in your hands, admiring the warmth they gave you. "Oh, Y/N , we have food. Do you wanna eat?" You turned your head in the direction of Jaehyun's voice. Sitting up , you starred at the food and chewed on your bottom lip. "U-ummm...." "Come on babe, go eat." Mark dragged you over to the table on the other side of the room where the other members were. You sat down on the floor and gave Jaehyun a small bow as he put a bowl of rice in front of you. You thanked them for the food as observed as they all started to eat. You sat there for a while and watched everyone dig into the delicious looking food. Taking a small piece of a radish side dish, you popped the vegetable into your mouth and chewed slowly. You didn't want to admit it to anyone but you had been skipping a lot of your meals for the time being. Things that the fans were saying about your body really took a toll on how you viewed yourself. You mentally groaned as Mark put more food in your bowl. "Eat." He said while munching on some beef. "Ani, Mark , I'm okay..." you said while putting your chopsticks down. "Y/N, you barely ate anything at all." He pouted , serving you more food. You shook your head , gazing at Mark. Your stomach churned but you didn't want to acknowledge it. "Mark, I said no." "You told me you rushed out and didn't get to eat breakfast. Y/N , you have to eat something babe." "I don't want to eat ,Mark." You felt your vision start to get glassy. Nausea filled your body and the thoughts of the comments rolled in once again. • "God, how could someone that ugly date my Mark? Mark is for everyone , you ugly ass girl . Stop keeping him to yourself. Y/N darling, please have some control at the dinner table. Where can I send money to you? You need to get your face fixed Y/N" • You knew it was going to be difficult to date an idol, but you didn't think it was this hard. How naive of you , Y/N "I told you I don't wanna eat..." you whispered. The member's attention was now fully on you. You hadn't realized you had started crying till a tear fell onto your hand. "Y/N...? What's wrong...?" Mark's eyes widened. You sobbed and sobbed, not caring what the other members thought. The words spilled out of your mouth. "I can't take it anymore, I really can't. Don't people know that words hurt? 'Y/N , lose weight ' ,' Y/N , you need to get your face redone.' 'Y/N is ugly' ' Y/N doesn't deserve to be with Mark' , it all just hurts. I've been starving myself just to deal with your fans Mark. I just want them to like me and I want all of this harassment to stop. I love you , I really do , but it's just so hard." Hot tears flooded down your face , the members looked at you with pitying expressions. They felt sorry for what was happening . "I feel terrible for Y/N, I just wanna hug her right now." Doyoung whispered. Mark stood frozen in his spot , he was angry with the fans but he knew that this anger wouldn't get him anywhere. He hated seeing you cry, it broke his heart . Pulling you close to his chest, he hugged you stroking your hair and placed as many kisses on you as possible. " Y/N... please stop crying... those terrible people don't deserve your tears." You hugged Mark back but shook your head. There wasn't anything that you could do to keep the waterfall from your eyes from running. "I'm so exhausted Mark, I'm tired of listening to them." "Boys? It's time for your stage." You pushed Mark away and dabbed your eyes with a tissue. "Go on." You told him quietly. Mark bit his inner cheek. He wasn't going to leave you like this. Something needed to be done. As the boys filed out of the room ,Mark grabbed your wrist and pulled you out as well. "W-wait, Mark where are we going- Minhyung-!" He was pulling you past the members and through the doors to the stage. Your heart started to race. What exactly was Mark doing? The back stage crew looked at the teenage boy with a puzzled expression. He turned on his mic and squeezed your hand. Taking a deep breath he led you up the stairs of the stage. "Mark, what on earth are you doing? Are you sure this is a good idea!? You going to get booed off the stage if you bring me up there." "Just trust me Y/N , okay? " You trembled as you walked up the stairs. Looking back the NCT members stared at what was happening in front of them. You gave them a concerned look but all they could do was shrug. As the hot, stage lights hit your face, you squinted and gazed out into the crowed. Most of the seats were occupied . When the crowd saw Mark , their initial reaction was the fan girl norm- screaming their lungs out. But when then soon saw that Mark not alone,the cheering died down and whispers fluttered around the room. "Oh My god, its Y/N." "What's she doing up on stage with Mark?" "Yikes, she really decided to wear that today?" "Does anyone know what's going on?" You tried to pry your hand away from your boyfriend's but him grip seemed to be too tight. "Mark, let me go..." The boy covered up his mic and whispered. "No. I need to do this. I need to be the type of boyfriend that protects his girl in any type of situation. It's my job to protect you Y/N." You stood there, eyes wide at his words. "M-mark... n-no..." you frantically looked at the other NCT members standing on the side of the stage. They were just as shocked as you were giving you shrugs. Mark never was reckless like this- they never thought that he would do something to this extent but it seemed that he really cared about you . Mark uncovered his mic and let out a cough. He gave a slight wave to the fans in a awkward motion. "Thank you for all the fans who came out today... I really appreciate and love that all of you are here." Mark gave a small cute smile to all the fans causing them to squeal. "So... I know you guys know who this is." He stated , gesturing to you. You looked into the crowd and glanced at the bitter faces of the fans. They shot you looks of death and jealousy making your stomach curl. You wanted to run of stage , but you were so fear struck , your legs refused to move. " There's been a lot things being said about Y/N online , I've seen most of it," the fans started to chatter nervously " I know that the decision I have made has hurt most of the NCTzens and I'm truly sorry, but please, please be respectful to Y/N . I'm not asking for you all to like her, whether you do or not, that's up to you. I just want you all to think of how she feels right now. Imagine if you were in her shoes, would you like to hear and see nasty comments being thrown at you?" Mark squeezed your hand. You watched as some of the fans faces turn guilty. They shook their heads. "I really... love Y/N and I hate seeing someone I care about get hurt. If you have anything to say to her , say it to me instead ." You felt like your heart was about to explode as he said that he loved you in front of the fans. You squeezed his hand back. "Stop messaging her on her private social media accounts , stop body shaming her , stop telling her that she needs to get plastic surgery. Stop being childish fans who don't have the decency to give a guy and his girl some privacy. I wish you all could see what a great person she is without judging her by her imperfections first. Y/N is beautiful just the way she is," he turned to you and looked you dead in the eyes. "You don't need the reassurance of the fans , you're the most beautiful and most genuinely humble person I know. That's why I love you. You honestly make the the happiest guy on this earth." Mark turned back to the fans. "Please you all, please leave Y/N alone." And with that note, Mark took you off of the stage. The set was dead silent. He brought you into the hallway. You looked up at him anxiously. "You didn't have to do that." Mark shook his head and caressed your cheek. "Yes I did. I promise I won't let anything like that happen to you again ,okay?" The day went on as usual. You went home while Mark continued on with his schedules. It was 10 o'clock at night when you heard a knock at your door. "Hello- oh." You were greeted to a panting , out of breath Mark. "Snuck out of the dorm again?" "You know it." As the night went on , the two of you snuggled up on the couch , watching Studio Ghibli movies. You got a notification on your phone from a close friend sending you a video link.Tapping on the link it opened to a video that someone had taken earlier at that e MBC building. Biting your lip you watched the video with Mark by your side . "I can't believe you did that." You whispered. Mark chuckled and kissed your cheek. "What did your manager have to say about it?" "Let's just say he wasn't too thrilled about my behavior earlier , but what could I do ? I wanted to help you." Looking up at Mark , you smiled and gave him a soft kiss, letting all the butterflies fly around your stomach. "Taeyong hyung blamed it on my puberty , don't worry." Scrolling through the comments one last time you smiled seeing that some fans took it upon themselves to apologize for the way they behaved. Although there were still those who said the unthinkable . Smiling, you rolled your eyes and shut your phone off. "You're right." "Right about what?" "That it doesn't matter what the fans think of me. I don't have to listen to them. I have a guy who loves me inside and out and that's all that matters. I love you , Minhyung" Another sweet kiss was shared, oh, and lots of cuddling too.