#[ dorian: i hate the cold i miss hot places ]

[fatedvoyage]

@lyriumwrath fenris & dorian

"Well, there's sand in that direction, more sand in that direction, and--Maker's breath--" Dorian leaned forward, hand shading his eyes as he peered off into the distance.

"There's more sand!" Dorian rubbed the flat of his thumb against his forehead, trying to chase away the tension building up between his eyebrows. There was nothing here. Perhaps it was bad intel, perhaps they had the wrong sand dune. In truth, Dorian thought this search was a waste of time--the Venatori would reveal themselves eventually. Staying quiet was hardly their strong suit. "We should return to the Inquisition outpost. Unless you've found something more promising in your direction?"

[acourtofquestions]

EoS Part 2 FireHeart

Random (contextless-hot-mess) Thoughts “Round Up” Rambling:

*Spoiler warning up to Chapter 52, I have not read further so please avoid spoilers after pg. 484, thank you!*

— Will write more on these random notes later but for now:

She (Elide) is playing a Fortune Teller right as Aelin is freaking out over seeing the future? Or is she playing an ACOTAR type of character?

Elorcan is for sure a thing, they have the HoF ending vibes of Rowaelin with the whole “they don’t want to leave each other” piece now.

Thank goodness for hidden carriage compartments; I REALLY hate the Ilken

Grrrrreeeeaaaaattttt more self doubt for all the traumatized children of Terrasen

“LIVE”

She outsmarted him with assumption and I love her for it. Let’s go Queen Elide!

Wow she just leveled up by deciding about another Queen when she meets her (yesss girl; also noooooo Lorcan just calm down bruh)

What the hell are we doing Lorcan? YOU TELL ME!

Not the damned darkness again! MANON STOP GOING TO THE LIGHT OR DARK AND JUST GO LIVE DAMMIT!

Another life debt, that should come in handy; though wow is she being cold… why? Maybe the Rowan thing? A few pacing’s here are just a little off but maybe it’s perspective or plan? Idk that just felt off for Aelin or maybe… more Celaena?

“Fussy Fae males” and their love for their (what I’m calling because let’s be real they practically are) wives😂🥹

Abraxos found somewhere safe🥹 it was with Dorian😭he knew😭

“Cunning cruelty” yasssssss Elise descriptions (I love a classic 2-3 word description by Maas)

Why this way? Why not that way? What does it mean? Why can’t you go the right direction? I DON’T TRUST ANYONE!

Is it just me or do I also love Fenrys now?

“Witchling” & “Princeling” otherwise known as QUEEN AND KING

Okay so Dorian just did the same Rowan “nothing to me line” only this time it was flirty & not heartbreaking— INTERESTING (plus if it reminds me of Rowaelin it’s a good sign cause come on talk about OTP)

How does the shifter sea dragon thing work? A few chapters ago Aedion was saying it drained her too much? Yet it seems pretty constant? Is she also immortal? How does the human power thing work? Further same question with Dorian and his… shadow hands? —(Idk I’dhave to ask Azriel😂)

Finally YAS Elide let’s full circle this loop girlie (GO FIND AELIN NOW) — DAMMIT NO LORCAN BAD LORCAN DON’T KILL THE QUEEN CAUSE YOU MISS UR BRO — ughhhhhhhh😩 (thank the Wyrd god I can trust in Elide😅😂😭 like babe you have a place in this court; it’s called THE ONLY VOICE OF SANITY & Lysandra is trying but babe she wasn’t built to be the sane one she is a lion for Pete’s sake let the girl be wild too but Elide mommy we need you )

No one else I’d rather have at my back — thank you Dorian for once again healing everything

All the home metaphors for Rowan🥹😭🫶 I LOVE THEM

Where do we go now that we’re “stuck” on a boat with our “enemy” who we happen to think is cute shirtless and we’ll follow to the depths of Morath and say things like always cause it’s super casual totall who knows? Your just “his WIFE”😂

Okay Aelin’s note wins her extra points😘😘

The nightmares… fuck… are they “just nightmares”?

The shift of Rowan into fae but her telling him she just loves him and nothing else, and showing more of that side, and their powers, yet there still them, and just lovely😭 Break my heart again Rowan with your whole I didn’t know if I could get you back schpiel — wait she’ll always come back to him — ROWAELIN I CAN’T😭

I see you & I AM NOT AFRAID

crying cause he doesn’t know how to get her back from the gods but he’d go to hell with wyrdkeys if he had to but things are getting scary and I just want my babies okay

Aww Rowan just wants to be worthy of her, precious bb, you already are!

You’re all I need — see, I TOLD YOU ROWAN

You can’t hurt me — well you sure can hurt me

Rowan Pretty words Whitethorn😊

lol the two assassins retiring — yes please🫶

The “Yielding” … interesting… this feels bad… but cool?

The speed of certain ships is either due to soulmates, lack of perspective, or perhaps wreckless personality. It doesn’t bug me when I think on it (honestly I’m a bad judge after all these Rowaelin pining books) but I am curious about it.

“Courting death” the Manorian romance novel😂

The rest of them watching Rowaelin spar and pretending to ignore them even though they are a “storm” lol

She kept her friend and words to herself she’s growing and you can give the girl some points Dorian

I’m with ya Manon not until I have no choice! EVERYTHING IS FINE! To whatever end😭🖤

The 13 are fine. I agree. I am with Manon; until proven otherwise. That ilken knew nothing😅 because it’s just messing with her🥲 nevermind the fact no one knew that about Asterin🫥 or the Matron is off wreaking havoc🫠 she thinks Manon’s dead that’s gotta help right😭 MY GODS RIGHT😩 ITS NOT TRUE THERES NO FUCKING WAY THEY WOULD DO THAT TO ME LIKE THAT NONE AT ALL

If they friggin kill Fenrys five seconds after me being like well hello sir —

Why did the powers stop??? Why did both Aelin and Rowan’s powers stop? THATS NOT NORMAL!

DAMN IT HE KNOWS DAMN IT HE KNOWS DAMN IT

Okay is her power water or healing or one in the same?

Umm… Is she preggers? … … … why did she call Lysandra? Rowan bud are you okay? Is it the vision — what was the vision?

WTF NO I KNEW ELLYWE WOULD GET ME

Elide is giving Mob wife energy 💅🏻 😂 *hey google play “please please please” by Sabrina Carpenter*

NOOOO NOW ITS The Prophecy for Aelin

THE KEY I KNEW IT I KNEW IT (still think it’s a lock though)?

“Uncle kitty” I AM CACKLING

“She asked for him” I love Aedion and Aelin

More stars lines more breaking my heart great another quote time

Elide Lochan remaining a lovely human “not a monster” despite 10 years of trauma

How did Manon know that? OH GOODNESS ITS A REAL PROPHECY? Is it the Valg - witch connection? How’s that work with her Crochan blood?

Oh my gods IS SHE PREGNANT?!

Okay well at least I’m not crazy Maas did make us go there

Not to be that person but also like they should’ve talked about that one BEFORE😂 or at least recently… and I kinda hate that the “marriage & babies” is all “a queen is only good for” kinda mentality is getting into her head and not becoming a full talk with Rowan; where I feel like Maasverse already has a tendency to do messy pregnancy plots (there’s nothing wrong if she wants to get married and have kids: I’m just saying this time when stating it, it did not sound like she wanted kids; as much as “an heir” in “preparation for her inevitable doom” that she’s way too easily accepting)

Let’s have an adventure lol WRONG PEOPLE GUYS, THAT WAS CHAOLS LINE lol …also the line “Don’t leave”🥹 so many feels… and also A lot of repeated phrases either by intention or trope but I’m curious to see which it will be…

The more I think on it the Husband lie was quite genius as Elide always is

Who was it that they knew? … Whats up with the shape shifting Ilken?

The key is talking to Elide now (great🙄 that never goes wrong)? — Does it only talk to magic and witches? — HOW DOES IT WORK? (Also can my girls please stop wearing them so closely like literally on their hearts HAVE YOU NOT HEARD OF A HORCRUX — BE CAREFUL GIRLIES)

Blaming her — AGAIN?! — REALLY??? … WHY?!?

The goodbye with Abraxos😭😭😭

The marsh… sure… nothing bad ever happens in creepy swamps… 😅😅🙃

The King of Adarlan and Queen of Terrasen (okay I see you boo’s)

The cloak turned into a single ribbon🖤

THE QUEEN SAW IT TOO💔

Where to now???

[ammocharis]

Jaws of Hakkon DLC has the funniest dialogues in all of Dragon Age: Inquisition, prove me wrong (spoiler - you can't)

I’ve finished making the dialogue transcript for the Jaws of Hakkon DLC, so I decided to collect some of my favourite quotes in one place. Here it goes!

~

Inquisitor: Maybe I shouldn’t bring this up, but bears and I traditionally do not get along.

Svarah: Then it is good you rescued Storvacker. You are a friend now in her eyes. Perhaps she will speak well of you to other bears. You may find friends among the beasts. Or perhaps not. Bears do not always listen.

~

Inquisitor: I heard your hold-animal’s missing. Do you know where she might be?

Arrken: I can’t help you, Inquisitor. I always keep my distance from Storvacker.

Inquisitor: Why is that?

Arrken: She nipped me good as a cub! The scar still itches when it rains.

~

Harding: You must’ve made a great impression on the Avvar. Some of them paid us a friendly visit. A couple even helped repair our fortifications, and one woman brought us a barrel of… fermented fish. Kenric ate some. “To be polite,” he said. Well, he was a very polite shade of green.

~

Svarah: Your skald and your scout are here. We can plan the assault.

Kenric: Oh, I like the sound of “skald.” It’s more dramatic than “professor.”

Harding: (Coughs.)

~

Kenric: I am no warrior, but with Lady Harding’s forces defending the shrine and no way to breach the walls…?

Svarah: (Laughs.) Lowlanders. Why not climb the walls?

~

Parve (when climbing the walls of the Old Temple): Watch your grip. It slips a bit.

Hask: Bah, you can’t grip anything more challenging than your mother’s teat.

~

Male Hakkonite: Your mother was a nug and your father smelled of elfroot!

~

Dorian (approaching Razikale’s Reach): Makes you wonder about the sad, mid-level bureaucrat who thought building an outpost here would be a career boost.

~

Dorian (approaching the Old Temple): Tevinter architecture at its finest. This just screams “I hated my parents and had no friends as a child,” doesn’t it?

~

Inquisitor: Are you sure that your memory aid caught all the elven gods?

Kenric: Well, there’s only one “F”, for Falon'Din. I suppose I forgot Fen'Harel.

Solas: Most people do.

~

Inquisitor: History forgot about an attack by a giant magic dragon? If you want something done right…

~

(Approaching Ameridan.)

Inquisitor: Inquisitor.

Ameridan: Inquisitor. (If PC is a Qunari.) Drakon’s empire has spread far while I slept.

~

Helsdim: Hold a moment. You. You’re… you’re… you’re Varric Tethras!

Varric: You’ve got to be kidding me.

Helsdim: I’ve read all your books and I have all the printings of “Hard in Hightown.” Even the banned version. I’ve read it thrice!

Varric: Nice to know the “rocks fall, everyone dies” ending found its audience.

~

Inquisitor (when looking for Runa): I think our mountain climber was here.

Sera: She isn’t very good at it. No mountain.

Cole: It’s a hill, not a mountain. Or will it be a mountain one day?

~

Cole (when rescuing Storvacker): She won’t hurt us. Hello! We’re here to help!

Cole (when Storvacker joins the fight against the Hakkonites): I’m happy to see you, too!

~

Blackwall (when placing bait for the Nox Morta): How long before this Nox Morta takes interest?

Dorian: Oh, it’s plotting the best way to strip the flesh from our bones right now. Just waiting for the invitation.

Blackwall: Very funny.

~

Female Hakkonite: What is this? Are the fishers of Stone-Bear Hold too rude to share a meal with friends?

Arvid: Can the Jaws of Hakkon not catch their own fish? Or are those jaws only good for flapping?

Female Hakkonite: Mind your tongue, bog-walker. Stone-Bear Hold may not always shelter you… And you will need shelter when the cold winds come.

Arvid: Yet I feel only hot air.

~

Einar: (Laughs.) You know I caught him down there after? His face went as red as a sunburnt nug!

Avvar fisherwoman: Nugs don’t sunburn, you fool.

Einar: If they did, Arvid would’ve looked just like one!

Avvar fisherwoman: (Laughs.) I don’t doubt that.

Arvid: I’m standing right here!

~

Avvar woman 1: The Master of the Hunt saw me shoot that Hakkonite archer through the eye! Said I had an eagle’s sight…

Avvar woman 2: (Scoffs.) You’re not trying to spread your own legend-mark!

Avvar woman 1: What? No! ‘Course not.

~

Sera: The veil is wobbly here.

Dorian: Perhaps a bit warbly instead?

Cassandra: Certainly not! It’s much more squeaky.

Iron Bull: I was going with spicy.

Vivienne: Don’t be ridiculous, darling. It’s clearly snarky.

Blackwall: You sure it isn’t wiggly?

Varric: I’d say more wonky, myself.

Sera: What? Let me check. Sensing. Sense-y. Definitely wobbly.

Solas: (Sighs.)

~

Inquisitor: As honorary member of the hold, I believe a hold-beast can travel with my people and still “keep her oaths.” Storvacker, as Inquisitor "First-Thaw,” your punishment will be to serve my Inquisition.

Storvacker: (Inquisitive growl.)

Svarah: Lady! (Sighs.) The Master of the Hunt will make mockery of me for this.

[hailbop1701]

ReaperXFem!Reader

Doom: To Hell And Back

Epilogue: Pinky Promise?

*Gasp!* two in one night/day?! Here it is everyone the final chapter! I promise this time. Next we'll have to see what happens with Reaper!Kennex and his Guardian Angel! 😘

Happy New Year my loves! Let's make it a good one this time, eh?

-H❤🖖

Seven Years Ago: 

Mission: Classified

Location: Classified 

Your breath came out in cool white puffs as you ran through the snow-covered forest. A small child gripped onto your coat as you bobbed and weaved through the trees. She babbled in Russian tears streaming down her cheeks, she screamed as gunshots followed you. 

Huffing you skidded to a halt at the edge of a cliff, snow and rocks tumbled to the icy river below. The little girl whimpered and shook in your arms,

“It’s gonna be okay sweetie,” you whispered hoping to convey reassurance. Bullets whizzed past you making you duck and turn so the child didn’t get hit. The angry shouts spurred on the crazy idea that you had been mulling over. 

“Here goes nothing,” you growled and jumped off the cliff. 

You gasped at the cold biting into you, the breath in your lungs flew out of you like air out of a balloon. Holding onto the little girl you broke the surface of the churning river; the girl coughed and spluttered, her teeth chattering. “Crow!” a few voices shouted, looking over you saw your team running alongside the bank trying to desperately figure out how you fish you from the freezing water. Dipping under the water again you barely felt the hand that grabbed the back of your vest. Breaking the surface you took a deep breath, the girl screamed and cried in fear. Coughing you did the best to shush and soothe her, “It’s-it’s okay,” your teeth chattered. Multiple hands pulled you from the icy water and dragged you to the bank of the river. 

Your CO leaned over you with an amused crooked smile on his lips, “Did you really have to disappear like that?” he asked with a raised eyebrow. You snorted a hysterical laugh, “Siberia Hunter, I needed to become a ghost,” 

Hunter grunted and shook his head, “Warn me next time will yeh?” 

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

One Year after Olduvai

Mission: Survive

Location: Classified

You watched the crowd casually, your sundress a pop of color against your skin. The coffee set in front of you had long since gone cold. Dark hazel eyes watched you from across the table, 

“What John?” you asked with a sigh rolling your head in his direction. John smirked tapping the bistro table with a single finger. He didn’t say anything, just watched you like you the most fascinating thing in the world. 

“John,” you grumbled and the man sat up from his slouching position. “You’re leaving,” he whispered, he didn’t phrase it like a question. There were no anger, malice, or accusations in his tone; just sadness. You winced anyway heart cracking a fraction, swallowing you looked down at your forgotten coffee. 

“I have to,” you mumbled, the cafe awning did nothing to combat the heat that surrounded you. John gritted his teeth, “You don’t,” he ground out frustration evident.

You shot him a look, “John it’s dangerous when we’re together, we’ve almost been caught four times in the past six months.” you hissed leaning forward. He followed your actions so you were inches apart; there was a fire in his eyes and he didn’t want to let go. He deflated in defeat when your words rang true. You brushed a strand of hair off of his forehead, “Get a haircut,” you advised making him chuckle and shake his head. Smiling you leaned over the table, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead, “I’ll miss you,” you whispered. 

John cupped your cheek eyes searching yours, “Promise I’ll see you again,” 

You grinned at him and held out your pinky, John snorted another laugh before intertwining his pinky with yours. “Promise. You’re my best friend John, I need you in my fucked up life,” you snickered. The man in front of you grinned back at you, “Yeah we need to make a club,” he groused with a roll of his eyes. Your hands fell apart as you stood, “We’ll make t-shirts,” you joked grabbing your back. John looked sad again as he watched you round the table to his side, “We’ll see each other again,” you kissed his head again. You drifted into the crowd easily getting lost within it. You had both promised each other a long time ago that you would never say “Goodbye,” 

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

Five Years after Olduvai: Present Day

Mission: Destroy remaining ARKS

Location: Egypt 

You scowled behind the black cloth that covered your mouth as the sandstorm continued. “How much longer?” you shouted over the wind. Your contact held up five fingers as he primed the charges. Setting your jaw you squinted out toward Cairo, ‘God I hope Cooper is still doing his damn job,’ you prayed silently. Looking back down the stone corridor again you saw that your contact and demo expert run toward you holding his baseball cap in place with one hand. “Oh this so illegal,” he squealed, running past you to get to the camels as fast as possible. Rolling your eyes you silently follow him only stumbling forward as a blast rocked the giant Sphynx. “Sorry, buddy, greater good and all that,” you sighed as stone crumbled down from the monument. You hefted yourself onto the camel just as your phone buzzed, 

“Hello,” 

“(Y/N),” Hunter’s voice made you freeze, and your breath quicken. “Hunt wha-” you scrambled to figure out what was wrong. The man shushed you easily, “I’m fine, kid but it’s John,” 

You choked, “Is he hurt again? I-” you gasped out directing your camel to the city, making it go as fast as it could. You remembered when John got hurt a couple of years ago, his coma made you a wreck. You hated yourself for leaving again the way you did but you overstayed your welcome and your job of making sure he was taken care of was done. His bloodwork modified and his prosthetic paid for. Your heart pounded in your ears, eyes stinging with tears and sand. 

Hunter took a breath, “He’s fine. The UAC, they know where he is. They sent contract killers,” you growled into the phone, the low rumble in your chest made Hunter chuckle nervously. “I’ll be there as soon as I can,” 

“I know you will kiddo, usual paperwork is in the terminal. Locker 170-I, code is your birthday,” 

You hung up the phone and abandoned your camel on the outskirts of the city with an affectionate pat and a kind family. Dumping your phone you headed straight for the airport with one person on your mind. 

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

Five Years After Olduvai: Present Day

Mission: Live

Location: “The City”

John clutched his mug of coffee like it was a lifeline, the hot liquid warmed his hands as the snow fell in big flakes. “ The report on the last body indicates that the woman was completely drained of her blood and she was displayed in a public place for several hours before anyone noticed that she was really dead,” a voice piped up from beside him. John hummed at his android partner Dorian before taking a tentative sip of his coffee, “That’s just what we need, another serial killer,” he grumbled sarcastically into his cup. 

Dorian opened his mouth to sass back but John had abruptly stopped in his tracks. The man spun around looking at his surroundings, coffee forgotten on the ground, a distinct smell filled his nose. A scent he would recognize anywhere. Oranges, old books, and jasmine, “(Y/N)” he whispered scanning the crowd. He caught a glimpse of what he thought was you but you seemed to disappear like a mirage, 

"John, you okay man?" Dorian placed a gentle steady hand on John's shoulder dragging him out of his trance. The scent of you faded away like a pleasant dream, "I'm okay, just thought I saw an old friend," he whispered sadly. Pulling off Dorian's worried hand he continued leaving the empty coffee mug on the ground. 'What would I do for you?' He asked himself sourly the image of you laughing entering the forefront of his mind.

You looked down from a rooftop heart racing. Two bodies lay at your feet heads twisted at an unnatural angle. Tearing your eyes away from John you eyed the city wall and then glanced down at the dead men, "What I would do for you?" you asked tiredly. 

"I would do everything," 

The echo of two voices floated across the city, only to be heard by the falling snow.

Tags:

@thottiewithashotgun

@lauraaan182

@writerdee1701

@dw-writes

@marvelouslytrekking

@stileslover13-blog

[kevin-day-is-bi]

“I’m pregnant.” for Rowaelin? i'll need some fluff after i finish KOA lol

Ok babe I messed up twice answering this ask. But finally here you go!!

...

“You’re certain?”

Yrene clasped her hands together and tucked them under her chin.

“I am. I can run a full medical examination, if you want, but I am certain I know.” 

Aelin stared down at the chair. Yrene’s rooms at the Rifthold castle were small, but in a cozy way, not cramped. Yrene placed a hand over one of Aelin’s. Aelin glanced up at her. Yrene tilted her head, brown hair falling to the side. She stayed silent, letting Aelin think. 

“I don’t understand how this happened.” Yrene shrugged elegantly. 

“Sometimes you need to change what you use. Sometimes you simply build up an immunity. Sometimes, it’s just...not enough.” She spread her hands. “I can give you herbs. To help, and to-”

“No.” Aelin stood. “No, to both. I need to think. To discuss this with Rowan.” 

Yrene nodded. 

“If you need help, I will be here. The road from Terrasen to Rifthold is not long, and you will still be here for the remainder of the week.” 

Aelin smiled and hugged her, squeezing tightly. Yrene wrapped her arms around Aelin and hugged back. 

“Thank you,” Aelin whispered. “For the diagnosis and the offer of help.” 

Yrene released her and gave her a radiant smile. 

“Of course.”

...

Aelin laughed, blonde hair falling over her shoulder. She caught Rowan’s gaze over Dorian’s shoulder, raising one eyebrow slightly. 

What?

You look hot in that dress. 

Aelin’s hand drifted almost subconsciously to her stomach. Her dress was tight, planned long before they had come to Rifthold. 

Those pants really show off your ass. 

He grinned at her. In front of her, Dorian huffed out a breath. 

“Can you undress Rowan with your eyes at a later date? Preferably one where you don’t have a conversation going on at the same time.” Dorian smirked at her as she whacked his arm. 

“I can undress my husband whenever I want, thank you very much.” 

“Then I’ll just go take Manon off to the bedroom and-”

“Your Majesty!” 

They both looked over to see Chaol marching towards them, Yene trailing behind him, looking amused. Chaol’s face was tight, one hand on his sword. 

“I think,” He hissed, as he got closer. “That this is not an appropriate place to have such conversations.” 

Yrene stifled a laugh behind her hand. 

“Oh, come now, Chaol. You forget I was the prince who had a new woman on his arm every week and was seen at brothels. I doubt I could say much that would shock the people in this room.” 

Chaol opened his mouth to protest but Dorian looked around. 

“After this, I plan to take the Queen to our bedchambers and undress us both.” Dorian’s voice was louder than necessary, but only one lady nearby and her lady-in-waiting looked shocked. Other than Chaol, of course, who looked like he wanted to melt into the floor. 

“See?” Aelin asked, poking Chaol’s chest. “We can be as indecent as we like.”

Dorian and Chaol started bickering, Dorian laughing and Chaol waving his arms around like he was trying to swat a fly. Yrene caught Aelin’s gaze and pulled her to the side. 

“How are you feeling?” 

“I’m fine. Rowan managed to get the resistance cell in Doranelle taken down and it seems quiet for now.” 

“I meant-”

“I know what you meant.” Aelin cut her off. She crossed an arm over her stomach. “No sickness yet. Nothing at all yet, really.”

“That’s normal.” Yrene nodded. “You shouldn’t experience too many symptoms at first.” 

“Symptoms of what?”

Aelin whipped around to see Rowan standing there, one eyebrow raised. She dropped her arm, smoothing a hand down her skirt. 

“Nothing. A little cold I caught somewhere.” Aelin glanced at Yrene, silently begging her to go along with it. 

“Colds are common at this time of year, I’m not surprised she got something. It should go away soon.” Yrene’s voice was soft, and she nodded slightly at Aelin. Aelin breathed out a sigh of relief. 

“The great Aelin Ashryver Whitethorn Galathynius, Queen of Terrasen, Witch-Killer, blessed of the gods, has a cold?” Rowan teased, sliding his hands into his pockets. 

I think I recall you complaining quite heartily of a headache just last week. Aelin cocked her head. The great Rowan Whitethorn, Prince of Doranelle, King Consort of Terrasen, and my darling husband incapacitated with a headache?

Don’t let Lorcan be proved right in his choice of nicknames, Fireheart. 

Buzzard.

Yrene coughed. 

“My apologies, I must prevent my husband from getting arrested for treason.” 

“Dorian could prevent that,” Rowan pointed out. 

“Dorian would probably have him arrested just to shut him up.” Aelin glanced over at the two friends, still arguing. 

Yrene laughed and waved farewell, going and placing a hand on Chaol’s shoulder. He shrugged her off and made a dramatic motion with his arm. Dorian doubled over laughing. Aelin relaxed, smiling softly at the sight. Dorian didn’t laugh so much now, though he kept his smiles and jokes up. 

Rowan brushed a hand down her arm and she glanced at him. 

That dress really is stunning. 

Aelin felt herself jerk to attention. 

Then why don’t you see how stunning I am out of it? 

Rowan inhaled, then gracefully inclined his head to the doorway. Aelin flounced past him, head held high. She heard his footsteps behind her and she moved through the crowd. She saw Lysandra and gave her a little smile. Lysandra waggled her eyebrows and waved her hand dismissively. Get to it. Aelin made a defensive movement as they walked through the arched doorway to the hall. She had absolutely no problem with Lysandra knowing exactly what Aelin intended to do. 

...

Aelin pushed Rowan against the wall, sliding her hands down his arms. He laughed against her mouth, hands supporting her back. He pulled her to him, pressing his body up against hers. Her stomach pressed into the hard planes of his abs and nausea rose inside her. She pulled back, pressing one hand to her mouth. 

“Aelin?” Rowan tilted his head, looking concerned. “Are you alright?”

“Yes, I-” She collapsed on the bed, one hand going to her stomach. “I just need a moment. Go back to the party, please.” 

“No, if you’re ill-”

“I just need to rest!” 

She put her head in her hands and tried to take a breath. She felt woozy, and slightly annoyed at her body for choosing to start nausea now. 

“Really, Rowan, I just need a moment to breathe.” 

She heard nothing, then footsteps. Footsteps going away from her, towards the door. She needed to tell him, needed him to understand. 

“Rowan, wait.” 

Aelin stood up, dropping her hands. Rowan paused in the doorway and glanced back at her. She shifted, trying to ignore the party happening mere feet away. She took a breath, shifting, then opened and closed her mouth uselessly. Rowan turned his whole body to her, taking a step towards her. 

“Aelin? What’s wrong?”

She crossed her arms under her chest and blew a piece of hair out of her face. 

“I’m pregnant.” 

Rowan’s mouth dropped and his eyes got comically wide. Aelin took a breath and waited. She knew he would not hate her for being pregnant, they had wanted them at some point. But this was sooner than they had talked about; only a year and a half since the Battle of Orynth. 

Rowan let out all his breath in a whoosh and then he was crossing the room and wrapping her up in his arms. He buried his face in her hair. 

“Oh, Aelin.” He squeezed her, then pulled back. He was smiling, a full, happy grin that Aelin didn’t think she had ever seen. 

“I knew it.” Rowan shook his head, more in disbelief than upset. “Your cycle didn’t come, I was worried I had been caught up with the fae in Doranelle. Then I worried I may have missed it when I was on my trip, that it had come early-”

“No,” Aelin whispered. “No, it didn’t come. And when we came to Rifthold, I went to talk to Yrene, and she said that sometimes the herbs we used could wear off. And then I didn’t know how to tell you-”

“Oh, Aelin.” Rowan laughed, softly, and cupped her cheek with one hand. She smiled and kissed him, sweet and fierce. He lay a hand on her stomach. She covered his hand with both of hers, pressing lightly. Rowan stared down in awe, then swept her up in his arms again. She laughed and clutched at him. 

“This child will never know anything less than love,” Rowan murmured in her ear. “Fireheart, my carranam, my mate, my wife, I love you.” 

“Oh, Rowan.” Aelin held him tighter. “I love you, too.”

[fleeting-sanity]

OC Talk #9

My OCs as 2020 songs.

There’s a LOT of releases this year but this is all I’ve listened to so far? Post is long as always.

PS: LOL I struggled to find suitable songs for some OCs that 2020 ended ahhaha I’m slow as always-

Aryuni

Rina Sawayama - Comme Des Garçons (Like the Boys)

Yeah, oh, girl, it's okay You should never be ashamed to have it all Yeah, yeah it's gonna be okay Yeah, you've come a long way

Don’t fuck with me hoe Take you down like Judo Elevate your vision when you put me on the cover

Hot like a fever Make you a believer Write my name up in the sky  From Paris to Shibuya

Lady Gaga - 911

Holding on so tight to this status It's not real but I'll try to grab it Keep myself in beautiful places Paradise is in my hands

My biggest enemy is me Pop a 911 

Taylor Swift - mad woman

What did you think I'd say to that? Does a scorpion sting when fighting back? They strike to kill and you know I will You know I will

Every time you call me crazy I get more crazy What about that? And when you say I seem angry, I get more angry And there's nothing like a mad woman What a shame she went mad No one likes a mad woman You made her like that

Ariana Grande - shut up

My presence sweet and my aura bright Diamonds good for my appetite Guess it fuckin' just clicked one night All them demons helped me see shit differently So don't be sad for me

I vibrate high and my circle lit We ain't really with drugs and shit Love the game so I never miss Keep opinions muted for the hell of it 'Cause I like my shit

Harry Styles - Adore You (From Arcann)

Your wonder under summer skies  Brown skin and lemon over ice Would you believe it?

You don't have to say you love me You don't have to say nothing You don't have to say you're mine

Oh, honey I'd walk through fire for you Just let me adore you

Taylor Swift - mirrorball (To Avery, Avelyn, Saxan)

I want you to know I'm a mirrorball I'll show you every version of yourself tonight I'll get you out on the floor Shimmering beautiful And when I break it's in a million pieces

Hush When no one is around, my dear You'll find me on my tallest tiptoes Spinning in my highest heels, love Shining just for you

Chloe x Halle - Tipsy (To Arcann)

I've been crucified, darling Ghost haunt me like New Orleans I've been charged with murder 'Cause some wanna push me further I'll hit you where it hurts, yeah If you don't put me first, yeah And I don't give no apologies If you lose a life that's not on me, yeah

I might be a little tipsy on your love Makes me a little crazy but so what You're strumming on my heart strings, don't be dumb If you love your little life then don't fuck up

Avery

Dua Lipa - Future Nostalgia

I know you're dying trying to figure me out My name's on the tip of your tongue, keep running your mouth  You want the recipe but can’t handle my sound

No matter what you do, I'm gonna get it without ya I know you ain't used to a female alpha

Katy Perry - What Makes A Woman

Is it the way I talk sweet? The way my skin is soft? Or how I can be a bitch? Make you keep your fingers crossed? 

Is it the way I cut my hair And put no makeup on? I feel most beautiful Doing what the fuck I want 

Rina Sawayama - Dynasty

I'm a dynasty The pain in my vein is hereditary Dynasty Running in my bloodstream, my bloodstream Dynasty And if that's all that I'm gonna be Won't you break the chain with me

I'm gonna take the throne this time All the words all mine, all mine It's been way too long, too far Too gone, to carry on You can't hide it in the walls Sweep it under marble floors It's been living in our lives Best told damn family lie

Chloe x Halle - Overwhelmed

Holding my breath till my face turns blue Head underwater Breathe deeply they said I need a weekend again Looking for bright sides Low on the high types Running so fast, I done worn my shoes Head on the pavement I'm just trying to win Pushed in the river, I swim Nothing can blind side  Me like the high tide I don't do well under pressure I don't know at all I wish I had all the answers Fix it all myself (Oh) I feel overwhelmed

Avelyn

Selena Gomez - Dance Again

Happiness Ain't something you sit back and you wait for Vulnerable Ain't easy, believe me, but I do it

Feels so, feels so, feels so good to dance again With my emotions, I just start going in With everything To dance again 

Katy Perry - Resilient

'Cause I am resilient A full flower moment Won't let the concrete hold me back Oh no I am resilient Born to be brilliant You'll see me grow right through the cracks Yeah, 'cause you're gonna watch this flower grow right through the cracks

Childish Gambino - 19.10

I remember back when I was six years old Daddy said "the world's so cold" "There is something that you should know", "You're so gorgeous", (thank you daddy) "Nothing's really worth your time" "But someday soon you just might find" "The truth about the world's design", oh

“To be beautiful is to be hunted I can't change the truth, I can't get you used to this”

Ariana Grande - my hair (To Ezekiel)

It’s got body and it’s smooth to touch The same way as my skin Don’t you be scared 

To run your hands through my hair Baby, ‘cause that’s why it’s there Come run your hands through my hair Ooh baby, so don’t you be scared So come run your hands through my hair 

It’s been way long overdue Just like these inches down my back Usually don’t let people touch it But tonight you get a pass

Enzaran

Miley Cyrus - Midnight Sky

I was born to run, I don't belong to anyone, oh no I don't need to be loved by you See my lips on her mouth, everybody's talking now, baby Ooh, you know it's true See his hands 'round my waist, thought you'd never be replaced, baby Ooh, you know it's true, yeah

You should know right now that I never stay put in one place Forever and ever, no more

Dorian Electra - Gentleman

I'm a gentleman Take my gentle hand Off to a gentle land I'm a gentleman

I pick you up I put you down I say the perfect thing then I make you spin around Yeah I'm lighting you up Throw you around This is a conquest a war is going down 

Thundercat - King of The Hill

A king in his castle A king of the hill Wasting his time Chasing cheap thrills He knows it's gonna cost him God knows how much

Jurbiend

Billie Eilish - Therefore I Am

Stop, what the hell are you talking about? Ha Get my pretty name outta your mouth We are not the same with or without Don't talk 'bout me like how you might know how I feel Top of the world, but your world isn't real Your world's an ideal

I don't want press to put your name next to mine We're on different lines, so I Wanna be nice enough, they don't call my bluff 'Cause I hate to find Articles, articles, articles

Childish Gambino - 32.22

I'm a funky motherfucker, man Don't fucking call me I been the man, don't fire me Things ain't all bad

We are the, we are the warlords We are, are you ready? Firelight, got it, warlords Pick it up, no, pick it up Firelight gonna clean it up Firelight's goin' way up Red light's on fire

Riornivo

Harry Styles - Treat People With Kindness

Maybe we can find a place to feel good And we can treat people with kindness Find a place to feel good

Givin' second chances I don't need all the answers Feelin' good in my skin I just keep on dancin'

Childish Gambino - Time (ft. Ariana Grande)

Seven billion people Tryna free themselves Said a billion prayers Tryna save myself I can see it coming But it's moving fast

Maybe all the stars in the night are really dreams Maybe this whole world ain't exactly what it seems Maybe the sky will fall down on tomorrow But one thing's for certain, baby We're running out of time

Running after something But I don't know what Am I running to? Too afraid to stop Hundred miles an hour With no seatbelt on Time is everlasting I can't wait that long    

Selena Gomez - Let Me Get Me

Like a prayer surrounding us, moving effortlessly  Every word is relief  No self-sabotage, no letting my thoughts run Me and this spiral are done Burn this camouflage I’ve been wearing for months Tryna let a little happy in for once

Don’t get me down, I won’t let me get me I’m good right now, I won’t let me get me Take that tired heart and go and turn it inside (out)      

Diving in ferociously, dancing intimately I’m so connected to me In the dark I’m letting go, so anonymously I guess this is what it feels like to be free

Troye Sivan - Take Yourself Home (To Rionnic)

Talk to me There's nothing that can't be fixed with some honesty And how it got this dark is just beyond to me If anyone can hear me switch the lights

Who you really tryna be when they see your face? Is it worth it trying to win in a losing game? Well it's all waiting for you And, boy, I know you're eager But it just might destroy you Destroy you 

Arca - Calor (From Arcann)

Rio, me tienes Rio, me tienes

Eres el premio que más deseaba Eres el sueño que no me atrevía a tener Eres el premio que más deseaba Eres el dueño de todo mi ser

Lady Gaga - Stupid Love (From Vaylin)

You're the one that I've been waiting for Gotta quit this cryin' Nobody's gonna heal me if I don't open the door Kinda hard to believe, gotta have faith in me

Now it's time to free me from the chain I gotta find that peace Is it too late or could this love protect me from the pain? I would battle for you, even if I break in two

Look at me now 'Cause all I ever wanted was love I don’t need a reason Not sorry I want your stupid love

Taylor Swift - marjorie (To Vianiel)

“Never be so kind, you forget to be clever” “Never be so clever, you forget to be kind”

“Never be so polite, you forget your power” “Never wield such power, you forget to be polite”

And if I didn't know better I'd think you were talking to me now If I didn't know better I'd think you were still around What died didn't stay dead You're alive, you're alive in my head 

Rionnic

Lady Gaga - Sine from Above (ft. Elton John)

When I was young, I prayed for lightning My mother said it would come and find me I found myself without a prayer I lost my love and no one cared When I was young, I prayed for lightning

When I was young, I felt immortal And not a day went by without a struggle I lived my days just for the nights I lost myself under the lights When I was young, I felt immortal

Thundercat - It Is What It Is

When the gold becomes dough And the magic starts to fade When it all comes to an end When there's nothing left to say It is what it is I tried to make it work My best just wasn't enough It couldn't be helped, the end The things I would do for you

After all is said and done And I'm all alone When I sit back and reflect From a broken heart Sometimes there's regret It is what it is

Taylor Swift - peace (From Jaesa)

Our coming of age has come and gone Suddenly this summer it's clear I never had the courage of my convictions As long as danger is near And it's just around the corner, darlin' 'Cause it lives in me No, I could never give you peace

And you know that I'd Swing with you for the fences Sit with you in the trenches Give you my wild, give you a child Give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other Family that I chose now that I see your brother as my brother Is it enough?

Rina Sawayama - Chosen Family (From Vette, Katei)

We don't need to be related to relate We don't need to share genes or a surname You are, you are My chosen, chosen family So what if we don't look the same? We been going through the same thing Yeah, you are, you are My chosen, chosen family

Saxan

Dorian Electra - Edgelord (ft. Rebecca Black)

We live in a society That's always lashing out at guys like me They pushed me to the edge, you see Never, never, never gonna come down One question, why so serious? Did I offend you? I'm so curious Ha, my identity's mysterious Never, never, never gonna come down 

Taylor Swift - this is me trying

I've been having a hard time adjusting I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting I didn't know if you'd care if I came back I have a lot of regrets about that

They told me all of my cages were mental So I got wasted like all my potential And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad I have a lot of regrets about that

The Weeknd - Save Your Tears (To Linnea)

You could've asked me why I broke your heart You could've told me that you fell apart But you walked past me like I wasn't there And just pretended like you didn't care

I don't know why I run away I make you cry when I run away

I made you think that I would always stay I said some things that I should never say Yeah, I broke your heart like someone did to mine And now you won't love me for a second time

Taylor Swift - gold rush (From Linnea)

I don't like a gold rush, gold rush I don't like anticipating my face in a red flush I don't like that anyone would die to feel your touch Everybody wants you  But I don’t like a gold rush

What must it be like To grow up that beautiful? With your hair falling into place like dominos My mind turns your life into folklore I can't dare to dream about you anymore At dinner parties I won't call you out on your contrarian shit    

Vianiel

 Katy Perry - Daisies

They told me I was out there Tried to knock me down Took those sticks and stones Showed 'em I could build a house They tell me that I'm crazy But I'll never let 'em change me 'Til they cover me in daisies Daisies, daisies 

Billie Eilish - everything i wanted

I tried to scream But my head was underwater They called me weak Like I'm not just somebody's daughter

Coulda been a nightmare But it felt like they were right there And it feels like yesterday was a year ago But I don't wanna let anybody know 'Cause everybody wants something from me now And I don't wanna let 'em down

Selena Gomez - She

'Cause she was a girl with good intentions Yeah, she made some bad decisions And she learned a couple lessons Wish I could tell her

She didn't know all of the hurt she could take Her world was crumbling and so was her faith Wish I could talk to her, 'cause what I would say "Oh baby, you're enough to get you out of this place"

Taylor Swift - tolerate it (To Jurbiend)

I greet you with a battle hero's welcome I take your indiscretions all in good fun I sit and listen, I polish plates until they gleam and glisten You're so much older and wiser and I

I wait by the door like I'm just a kid Use my best colors for your portrait Lay the table with the fancy shit And watch you tolerate it If it's all in my head tell me now Tell me I've got it wrong somehow I know my love should be celebrated But you tolerate it

Vyria

Rina Sawayama - Paradisin’

Paradisin' Living my best life, drivin' Drivin' you crazy Paradisin' Living my best life thrivin' You say I'm misbehaving But I'm just a kid, so save it Let me have an unforgettable time of my life

Lady Gaga - Free Woman

I'm not nothing without a steady hand I'm not nothing unless I know I can I'm still something if I don't got a man I'm a free woman 

[snelbz]

Ghosts of Christmas Past

Christmas in July {Day 6}

Aelin Galathynius

Written with my wonderful best friend, @tacmc​.

Aelin hated the holidays. They were full of wretched memories and the realization that she was completely, utterly alone. Her parents had passed away when she was a child, and all of her friends had gone off and married the loves of their lives, leaving Aelin to spend the holidays alone or get pity invites to their family gatherings.

It was now a dark, snowy Christmas Eve and Aelin was sitting in her pajamas watching Miracle on 34th Street with a bowl of popcorn and a Rumchata filled hot cocoa. With a yawn, she stretched out her legs and let her little fireplace warm her naked toes until her eyelids fluttered shut.

Sleep.

She just needed sleep for her pity party to end. So, what? She had no family and was single. That didn’t mean the holidays had to be horrible. She would wake up the next day and go to Aedion and Lysandra’s and all would be well. She would laugh and eat too much and most likely drink too much.

Sleep.

She just needed a little bit of sleep.

Hours later, she awoke with a gasp, sitting up and looking around her townhouse.

She saw no obvious reason for why she’d been ripped from sleep, but she settled back into the pillows, knowing she should go up to her bed.

Then she heard it.

A rattling sound of metal dragging across the floor was getting louder and louder, almost as if it was getting closer. It sounded as if it was directly above her head. She glanced to the stairs, waiting for someone, something to make an appearance and then-.

Sam.

Sam was standing on the landing of her stairs.

Aelin froze, blood running cold. “Sam?”

He smiled, bright and wonderful, that same smile that she had fallen for so many years ago. “Hello, Aelin. Merry Christmas.”

Aelin glanced at the clock on the wall. He was right, it was just after midnight. “I- You’re…”

“Dead?” He asked, brows raised. “Sure am. Wanna go for a walk?”

Aelin hesitated, she couldn’t breathe. She opened her mouth to ask him another question, but he just shook his head. “Come with me and your questions will be answered.”

Before she could move, before she could get up, she found herself standing in the snow, the sun blindingly bright against the stark white surrounding her.

There was a little girl skating on the frozen lake. A young man followed her closely, lifting her in the air, making her giggle.

Aelin gasped and breathed, “Dad…”

She felt the tears beginning to fall as she asked, “What is this? Dad!”

“He can’t hear you,” Sam said, standing an inch behind her.

“I don’t understand,” Aelin whispered.

“This is Christmas Eve,” Sam said, gesturing around. “When you were ten.”

The Christmas before her parents died. Aelin watched as the younger version of herself skated around, hand in hand, with her father. She remembered that day. She used to love skating with her father.

“Why did you bring me here?” She asked, her voice as cold as the air around them,

“To remind you,” he said.

She snapped, “Of what?”

“That you used to love Christmas.”

As if his words were a trigger, she suddenly found herself in the cold, unfriendly den of Arrobyn’s home.

After her parents had passed away, Aelin found herself in Arrobyn’s care. He was her only remaining family, being her father’s brother. A horrible bastard, one that only cared about himself.

A young Aelin entered the room, sobbing silently as she plopped down in the corner of the den, where a Christmas tree should have been but wasn’t. Arobynn didn’t do Christmas.

He had gone off somewhere that morning, leaving an 11-year-old Aelin alone on Christmas morning.

Aelin watched her younger self, her heart aching just as much as it had that morning so many years before.

Sam brushed his fingers along her forearm. “I wish I had known you then. I would’ve spent Christmas with you.”

Aelin knew that. Sweet Sam. He had loved her when she hadn’t yet loved herself.

“I hated him,” Aelin said, as her younger self stood up, dried her eyes, and began her chores. “I felt nothing pwhen he died, and maybe that makes me a horrible person but I don’t care.”

Before Sam could reply, the front door swung open and Arobynn entered. The snow was swirling outside, a storm brewing.

Aelin stopped from where she was dusting the mantle. “Merry Christmas,” she said, hoping he wouldn’t know she had been crying.

He didn’t acknowledge her words, only taking a second to look over her cleaning. “You missed the second level of the mantle.”

With that, he swept out of the room and Aelin watched as her knees hit the wooden floors and she began the cry again.

“What’s this to remind me of?” She whispered, bitterness filling her voice.

“Of the moment you stopped loving Christmas.”

Suddenly, she found herself watching as Sam — more solid and corporeal than the man standing next to her — hung ornaments on a lit tree in the corner. Christmas music was merrily playing from the television and he hummed along, making the apartment as festive as possible before-.

The door opened and Aelin stride in wearing her high school cheer uniform. She froze when she saw the decorations. “What are you doing?”

He softly smiled at her, “I thought this place could use some-.”

“You know how I feel about this holiday,” she said, dropping her backpack on the couch and heading for their bedroom. She shut the door behind her and the sound of the lock clicking filled the room.

When Arrobyn has died from a heart attack when she was sixteen, rather than go into the foster system, Aelin petitioned the state for emancipation; to see her, for all intents and purposes, as an adult. It was granted and with the inheritance she received from her parents, she got a cheap apartment across town from the high school and paid a full year’s rent. And then she met Sam. He was a couple years older than her, having went to high school with her. He’d been the light in her dark tunnel, an anchor for her to hold onto when she felt like she was drowning. He knew her inside and out. And he knew how she felt about this time of year.

The Christmas music continued to play until he picked up the remote and muted the tv, and he knocked on the door. “Aelin, baby, open up.”

No response.

Aelin looked over at Sam. “I’ve seen enough.”

He just looked back at her, sadness in his brown eyes.

The knocking continued. “Please, babe, I just wanted you to enjoy Christmas with me.”

Nothing.

Sam grabbed his coat and headed for the door, snagging his keys that were hanging by the door.

Aelin whispered, “Sam, please take me home.”

Her voice was breaking as she watched him leave the apartment and she ran to the window, watched him get in his car, and leave.

“You know what happened next,” he said.

She did.

He’d left and went down to the corner store down the street, presumably to get her chocolates, since that was what was found on him. On his body.

There’d been a robbery and it had gone wrong. Sam had stepped in, to try and defuse the tension.

Sam didn’t walk back out of the store.

Aelin was sobbing. Not the high school Aelin. No, her younger self was scowling out the window as she watched Sam drive away.

So stupid.

So selfish.

“Take me home,” Aelin sobbed, reaching for Sam’s hand.

He tilted her chin up so that her eyes met his, his fingers feeling as solid as they did then.

“Why would you show me this?” She said, not bothering to wipe her eyes. She didn’t reflect much on Sam. When she did, she did not like the emotions that swept through her.

“To remind you of what your bitterness has lost you,” he whispered, pressing a soft kiss to her brow.

Aelin’s eyes fluttered shut as a cry sputtered out of her lips. And when she opened them once more, she was alone in her bedroom.

She could still feel him, could still smell him. Trembling fingers reached up to her cheeks and they came away wet.

“Crying already? But your night has just begun.”

Aelin spun around, horror sweeping through her as she beheld Chaol, leaning against her doorframe.

Her face paled. “Are you- have you- when-.”

Chaol gave her a small smile. “Don’t worry, I’m not dead. No matter how many threats you threw my way when we broke up.”

“How are you- is this all in my head?” She asked, running a hand down her face. “Did I fall downstairs and hit my head? Am I slowly bleeding out or something?”

Chaol just laughed and shook his head. “You already know the answer to that.” He took a step towards her and held out his hand. “Come on.”

Aelin threw her head back and sighed, wiping at her face and when she looked back down, she reached out and took his hand in hers.

When they appeared in the middle of a Christmas party at Manon and Dorian’s, Chaol didn’t let go of her hand. Aelin didn’t either.

It still felt right to hold his hand.

It had only been a few months since Aelin and Chaol had a very dramatic, very explosive break up. Having the same friend circle, they had to get over their issues pretty quickly, and surprisingly enough, they’d had more meaningful conversations in the past three months than they’d had in the year and a half they’ve been together.

Aelin looked over at him and then her eyes locked on as he walked by. She looked back at the Chaol holding her hand and said, “The world does not need two of you.”

Chaol grinned, eyes bright. “Same to you, A. You were invited to this party, you know.”

Yes, she was, but she had politely declined.

“Rather stay at home by yourself and get drunk watching old movies?” Chaol asked with a side glance.

Aelin squeezed his hand before sighing. “Alright. Why are we here?”

Chaol shook his head. “Really? You have to ask? Aelin, look at all these people. These are your friends. They love you. And yet, you’re not here. Why? Because it’s a Christmas party and you’re the grinch.”

Aelin scoffed. “I am not!”

Ghost Chaol just rolled his eyes. “You could be having the time of your life at this party. You should’ve come.”

Aelin said nothing. She simply snatched her hand out of his and crossed her arms. “I get it. Take me home now, weird ghost of Chaol.”

“Can’t do that,” he mused, leaning back against the wall. He was seeming to scan the room. “You’ve still got to learn something from me.”

“And what would that be?” Aelin tried not to pout as she watched her friends having fun, playing games, exchanging presents, drinking and being merry. Chaol just looked over at her and Aelin interrupted him. “Let me guess. You can’t tell me.”

Chaol winked at her and said, “We’ll come back here in a bit. I want to show you somewhere else.”

He held out his hand again and as Aelin grabbed it, she looked up and saw Rowan talking to Lorcan and Fenrys.

She could’ve sworn he was looking at her, too.

“He likes you,” Chaol sang.

Aelin lifted a brow. “Pardon?”

“Whitethorn. He’s into you.” When Aelin rolled her eyes, Chaol’s grin widened. “I know you’re all bitter about Christmas and love and all that shit, but you should give him a chance. When you’re ready. He’s a good guy.”

Aelin had to admit she was attracted to Rowan, but she would never admit that to Chaol. “On with it,” she hissed.

In the blink of an eye, they were standing out in the snow. Aelin, still im her pajamas and fuzzy socks, didn’t feel any chill whatsoever as they passed a sign that read Endovier, Home for Children. Aelin had spent three months in the orphanage after her parents passed while her emancipation was going through. She hated it there.

“Why the hell are we here?” She snapped.

Chaol simply gestured her toward the front window. “It’s tradition here that every year, at midnight on Christmas, they come together and open their gifts.”

Aelin peered inside the front window and froze.

There wasn’t a miserable face in the room. Kids were tearing paper off of presents, eating candy, making crafts. The teenagers and older kids helped the younger kids. There was music filtering out through the windows.

“Where did they get the money for presents?” She asked, turning around to look at him.

His hands were in his pockets as he stepped closer. “They made most of them. Some of the older kids with jobs helped them buy them. They’re all a big family.”

“Family,” Aelin repeated. “Once again, that thing I don’t have,” she spit.

“Don’t you get it, Aes?” He asked, frustration written on his face.

“Get what?” She yelled, stepping away from him and throwing her hands out. “Get that I’m alone, just like I am every year?”

He grabbed her wrist, making her look at him.

He asked, quietly, “Don’t you get that you do have a family?”

Aelin quickly looked away from him, wanting to break eye contact, needing to.

“Blood does not make family, Aelin,” Chaol said, gently. “Circumstances do not dictate your future.”

Aelin’s eyes lined with silver, tears pooling her eyes for the second time that night.

“We all love you,” Chaol went on. “We want you to be happy and seeing you so miserable around the holidays...well, we hate it. We don’t like seeing you like that. You deserve the world, Aelin Galathynius. You deserve the world.”

Aelin watched the kids inside. They were hugging one another, laughing, showing off their gifts. None of them had parents, they were all just like her. And yet? They were happy. Joyful. Dwelling in the holiday season, giving into the spirit of Christmas.

“My father’s favorite holiday was Christmas,” Aelin said, quietly. “My mother used to decorate the house and walk around singing carols, baking cookies, the works.”

Chaol watched her thoughtfully as she reminisced. “Don't you think that they’d want that love to live on? That they’d want you to enjoy every minute of your life, both around Christmas and every other day of the year?”

Aelin didn’t answer. She kept watching the kids inside the house, watching their joy, their holiday spirit.

“Take me back,” Aelin whispered. “Please.”

Chaol sighed and took her hand again.

Before she could blink, they were back in her bedroom. He didn’t say anything, just pressed a kiss to her cheek, let go of her hand and stepped back. He smiled at her and raised a hand. He snapped.

Aelin sat up in bed with a gasp. Her face was still wet from the tears she’d been crying, and she wiped her face and laid back on the bed.

“Going back to sleep so soon?”

Her eyes shot open and sat up, turning to look beside her.

Rowan was lounging on her bed, a smirk on his handsome face. “My turn,” he said.

Aelin blushed and said, “Past, present and...future, huh?”

Rowan swing his legs off the side of the bed and walked around, stopping in front of her. He tipped her chin up until she was looking up at him. “I hate to tell you this, but you aren’t going to like all of the future you’re about to see.”

She swallowed hard and nodded, already having guessed that.

She was still looking into his green eyes when she noticed the room around them had changed.

They were no longer in her bedroom, they weren’t even in her house.

No, they were downtown in a hospital room. Aelin was lying in the bed, hooked up to a series of machines.

Aelin rolled her eyes. “If I don’t gain Christmas spirit I’m going to die? Really?”

Rowan’s green eyes softened as he perched himself on the edge of the hospital cot. “Not exactly. You are heading down the wrong road, though, Aelin. Can you tell me why?”

“Is that a rhetorical question?” She asked, arms crossed.

She would be lying if she said that seeing herself lying in a hospital bed, near death, wasn’t unsettling.

“What happened to me?” Aelin asked when Rowan didn’t answer.

Rowan studied her thoughtfully. “You pushed everyone away,” he said, at last.

Aelin brushed her fingers along the heart monitor. “Why?”

Rowan watched her without saying a word. It wasn't until Aelin looked at him with shining blue eyes that he said, “Because you were dwelling in the past. Aelin, no one is telling you not to feel pain from the past. But, the point of a painful past is to learn from it, not to let it control you.”

“What the fuck is the point of my parents dying, huh?” Aelin asked, anger rising. “Why is it so necessary that I like a stupid holiday?”

Rowan watched her, emotions even as he watched her outbreak. “We all feel pain, Aelin. My parents died, too. But we can’t let our pasts define us, control us. They’re still with us, our parents. They’re here, Aelin. And your parents want your future to be bright, to be full of happiness. They want to see you smile, to celebrate, to see Christmas as a time spent with friends, not a time of despair.”

Aelin refused to look at him, she refused to let him see the tears running down her face.

She didn’t want this. Didn’t want a future of misery and loneliness. Didn’t want to allow the bitterness that had taken root in her heart to expand and take over.

“I don’t know what do, Rowan,” she whispered.

She closed her eyes tightly and when she opened them again, she was outside.

It was dark and it was snowy, but had none of the warmth and cheer that the orphanage had had. No, she was cold and confused and...alone.

“Rowan?” She spun around and looked for him, but she was completely and utterly alone in the empty field. She backed up and fell, and fell and fell and fell, until her back hit soft ground. She stood, finding herself a dark, deep...grave.

“Rowan?” She   called. When there was no reply, she screamed, louder, “Rowan? Please help me!”

He never came.

Aelin fell to the ground and wrapped her arms around her legs. Her tears fell freely. This was it. This was her life. Her future.

“I don’t understand!” She screamed, eyes burning.

“I don’t understand.”

But she did understand. She was angry, bitter. And the only person making her feel that way, no matter how many times she had tried to blame it on others, was herself. She had lost her parents, and then her first love...but now, on their favorite holiday, she was alone and pissed off. She was tainting their memories by pushing them away, by pretending that the joy and goodness of the holiday season didn’t exist. She missed them. Missed her parents, missed Sam. But instead of pretending Christmas didn’t exist, she should spend Christmas keeping their memories alive. She needed to let go of the anger, let go of the bitterness...and live.

“Rowan,” she whispered. “Rowan, please.”

Fingers tilted her chin up, and her watery gaze locked onto his.

“You’ve got to let it go, Aelin, all of it. The anger, the bitterness, the animosity. Or else you’ll have nothing to hold onto.”

Another sob wracked her body and Rowan leaned down to press a kiss to the top of her head. She squeezed her eyes shut.

When she opened them, she was alone.

She was on her couch and she was alone.

The fire still roared in the corner, Fleetfoot was asleep in the recliner and Aelin was struggling to breathe.

She hopped out of bed and dashed up the stairs, quickly getting ready and hopping in her car. She got to Manon and Dorian’s and didn’t hesitate until she was on the front step, about to knock on the door. She looked down at the dress and heels she wore and suddenly felt stupid.

The party had been going on for hours. They wouldn’t want her there. Aelin had made it perfectly clear how she felt about Christmas, and now she was just going to walk in and convince everyone otherwise?

Aelin turned around and walked back down the front porch steps. She was a fool for coming, a fool for believing her dreams had been a reality, a fool for thinking they’d want her there.

“Aelin?”

She turned around at her name being called and found Lysandra halfway out the door. “Hey, Lys.”

Lysandra asked, “What are you doing?” Aelin’s enter body sagged. She was right, they didn’t want her here, they would-. “Where are you going?”

She turned and looked at her best friend. “I was just going to go home. It’s almost over and I don’t want to intrude and-.”

“Intrude?” Lysandra’s voice was surprised as she stepped out onto the porch and shut the door behind her. “Babe, you were invited to this party. No one cares when you show up, all we care about is that you’re here. Now, come on. We were just about to do Secret Santa.”

Aelin stood there in the snow, staring at her. “I- I don’t have a gift.”

Lysandra stepped down the stairs and linked her arm through Aelin’s. “Aes, you are the gift.” She led her up the stairs. “And Rowan is going to be very happy you’re here. He’s been asking about you all night.”

A small smile tugged on Aelin’s lips. It appears ghost Chaol was right about that one.

The moment Aelin walked through the door, she was met with smiles and hugs. The house was decorated in reds and greens and golds. Dorian had done a great job, as Aelin knew he was most likely the one to have decorated. Manon probably just sat on the couch with a glass of wine watching him work.

That was precisely where she was sitting now and when Aelin joined her she glanced over. “Didn’t think we’d see you tonight.”

Aelin caught her eye as she drank from her wine glass. “I didn’t either, but...figured it was time to stop being miserable.”

Manon only nodded, taking a sip as well. “Does this mean I’m the only one who hates Christmas now?”

Aelin chuckled and said, “I guess so.”

“Hey.”

She looked up and saw Rowan sitting on the arm of the couch. “Hey, you.”

He smiled. “I’m glad you’re here. I didn’t think you were coming.”

Aelin looked around and caught Chaol’s eye. He was smirking as he talked to Dorian. She could only shake her head and chuckle. “I didn’t either, but why stay at home when I could spend time with my friends?”

Rowan’s smile widened as he held out his hand to her. “Care to go for a walk?”

Aelin didn’t hesitate. They walked outside, the back porch dusted with newly fallen snow. Rowan shrugged off his jacket and hung it over Aelin’s shoulders.

“I had a weird dream tonight,” Aelin confessed. “After I fell asleep at, like, eight.”

Rowan’s green eyes gleamed. “Yeah? What about?”

Aelin opened her mouth and closed it just as quickly. She didn’t want to sound crazy. And she surely would.

“Christmas,” she replied, simply.

Rowan huffed a laugh. “Maybe it wasn’t a dream at all.”

Aelin raised a brow. “No?”

“Maybe it was the universe telling you that you belong, and that everything is going to be okay.”

His fingers brushed Aelin’s softly as Aelin tilted her head up toward the sky above, allowing the snow to grace her lips, her eyelashes.

“I think you’re right.”

They stayed out there until Aelin realized she couldn’t feel her fingers. Rowan lead her back inside and sat her down on the open loveseat, surrounded by her family. He returned with a mug of hot chocolate and handed it to her, before sitting down next to her. His arm wrapped around the back of the couch and without thinking about it, Aelin leaned into his side. She tended slightly as he looked down at her.

But then his arm slipped down around her shoulders and pulled her in closer. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

Aelin decided then that her parents and Sam, wherever they were, were watching with a smile on their faces as she celebrated their favorite winter holiday surrounded by her friends, her family.

[ramblinganthropologist]

Writober 2020  7 - Tower

Summary: It’s moving day for the Inquisition’s head librarian. Luckily, she has help getting the books out. It’s a big thing, moving to the tower… and not just because of the distance. Trevy’s not sure if she’s ready, but what are friends for anyway but to help you move?

(Takes place six months after the last one, definitely post Haven boom.)

—

She was going to miss this room.

“Trevy, you ready?”

Jackel’s voice called from behind the door. Trevy turned, a box in her arms weighed down with her possessions. There was one more like it, a small one, waiting on the bare bed at the heart of the room. That one would be light enough hopefully.

Moving day was always so stressful, especially when her new room was … well, suggested would be putting it mildly.

“Yeah, I just need to get my flower!”

The tiny window above her bed that always let in cold air was the perfect place for the room’s other sole occupant, a tiny potted flower that was starting to bloom. She had found it the day after tranquility had broken – it was the first thing that had made her stop crying long enough to dry her eyes. So it was coming with her, no matter what. It had been a comfort, here in the space she had found herself in.

If she was being nice, it was cozy. Honest… well, somehow they had gotten a too-small bed and a tiny chest into what was pretty much an old closet. Trevy hadn’t minded it – it had helped her feel more secure in the first couple weeks after Haven. If they had left here there permanently, it wouldn’t have bothered her at all.

Problem was, it bothered Jackel. And Jackel had a way of getting what she wanted.

“Is this all you have?” The elf was careful to open her door and peer around. “Damn, I brought too much muscle.”

Trevy cocked her eyebrow as she looked her friend over. “What do you-”

A pair of gray hands with black painted nails soon took the box from her arms, then removed the one by the floor. They belonged to Jackel’s cousin Akri, who definitely could not fit inside the small space if he straightened up. His horns were practically brushing the top bent over. The poor man practically had to crawl out.

Just looking at him made her back ache, and that was saying something.

“You got everything, Trevy?” Akri had no problem with the boxes. “Don’t want to be coming back in here, you’d fucking smack your head on the door and die.”

Trevy responded by picking up the flower on her small windowsill and held it close to her body like it was a stuffed bear. Once that was gone, the room was empty of everything she had put into it. Now it was just a sad closet someone had shoved a bed into.

Hopefully whoever was next in there was smaller than 6 feet tall…

“I have everything.” She paused, feeling her emotions start to want to leak. They were getting easier to control, but she still felt them. Tears budded at the corners of her eyes, but she willed them back. “Thank you for helping me.”

Jackel was on her shoulders as they entered the library proper. Here, the smell of books and the sound of flipping pages filled the air. Something about it always made her heart beat a little slower, as if she was sinking into a hot bath. Libraries always had calmed her down, even before the brand.

“You needed to move anyway, it’s bullshit they shoved the head librarian into a closet.”

Trevy felt her cheeks heat up as she hugged her flower friend. “That’s a new title, though…”

The ink probably wasn’t even dry yet on the promotion sitting in Josephine’s office. It was part of her moving, but apparently it had been in the works for some time. Nobody knew the library better than her, and that was without her Tranquil memory. When it came down to it, she liked books and liked them in their place.

Besides… the last one shelved them wrong. She hated that.

“Still yours. It looks pretty shitty if Kaas has his head librarian in a fucking closet.” Akri adjusted the boxes. “Where we heading anyway, one of the ramparts?”

Jackel’s voice sounded from above Trevy’s head as they walked. “Nope, in the tower. They just cleared out a nice room luckily enough.”

Somewhere among the veiled insinuation of what her friend had done to help her move, Trevy felt her heart stop. Her mind went numb, then the words sank in. The tower; the tower where the Inquisition’s mages lived and worked. Akri had a room there, as did her cousin Ian. She had seen Dorian coming from there too when he wasn’t hanging out with his boyfriend.

She was going there?

“Makes sense, guess they’re used to keeping all the mages together.” Akri cast a glance over his shoulder towards her – his eyes were hard to read. “Hey, you’re slowing down there. You didn’t hurt yourself shelving books did you, Trevy?”

The former Tranquil felt the tears bead at her eyes, but there was no way to stop them. So she employed her second method – wiping them on her sleeve. More followed, and then she felt her chest heave. It wanted to make her sob. That was kind of embarrassing in the middle of the walkway, though. At least she could control that.

It was a work in progress, clearly.

“I-I’m fine!” she managed to choke out in case anyone was worried. “J-just… you know. Reacting is all.”

They had told her she would always feel things stronger than others and be more likely to cry as a result of the brand being both applied and removed. The tattoo on her shoulder helped somewhat, but there was always going to be the chance she’d just start sobbing. It was just part of her now, like the burn on her forehead she hid away behind the headband.

It was still kind of humiliating, though. Her brain still worked well enough to tell her that.

“Hey, you’re doing it less though.” Jackel’s ass on her shoulder did wonders for a grounding method, as did her voice. “Now, we going or what? You never know who they’re going to try to move in. They’re like hermit crabs or something…”

Trevy giggled as she finished mopping off her eyes. Her sleeve was pretty soaked, but it would dry. It always did eventually. Now that she thought of it, it was staying dryer more these days than ever before. Perhaps that was a sign of progress.

Once the crying had passed, they were back en route. Before long, they were entering the tower and beginning the climb up the stairs. Her brain kicked into overdrive as it began to memorize the route. One floor became two, and then a third. They eventually stopped at the fourth door, one she knew very well.

A grinning skull opened the door for her. “Welcome home, Aery.”

Ian was looking pretty good. He had put weight back on, enough that he didn’t actually look like a skeleton with skin slapped on. Now it was just the paint that carried the effect for him. He had his sleeves rolled up, probably to help with the move. Seeing his eyes glitter like that brought a smile to her face as she nodded and walked through.

She could smell the herbs from someone’s study, and someone was scratching away at parchment towards the opposite side. They passed her cousin’s door, wide open and showing the mess inside. Had he just rolled out of bed?

“Nice, Trevelyan.”

“Shut up, Adaar. At least my smalls aren’t on the floor.”

“That was one time-”

Ian and Akri were ribbing each other gently as they walked. Something about it made her heart feel warm. Much to her surprise, however, they stopped at the door next to his. Here, the plate slid into place held a name she knew well: Aeronwen Trevelyan, Head Librarian.

“Here we are.” Jackel jumped from her shoulder to the floor with all her assassin’s grace. “Who has the key, or do I have to pick this damn thing open?”

Her cousin answered by pulling a key from his pocket. “Got it right here. Practically had to murder the last guy for it, but oh well. They’ll do better in the field anyway.”

Trevy briefly felt a pang of guilt as the key changed hands, but she knew there was nothing she could about it at this point. Jackel was sliding the key into the lock, then clicking it into place. With a shove, the door opened and she was staring into her new room.

Well… it was definitely not a closet.

Trevy walked in first, heading straight to the opposite side of the room. The window here was larger, and despite facing snow-covered mountains she didn’t feel the chill. Her little flower would be happy here – perhaps with a few friends. The windowsill was definitely large enough for at least one more pot if she was judging it right.

The rest of the room was bright. There was a magelight set into the wall above the desk that no doubt would provide safe light at night when she was reading. A similar one hung above her bed, smaller. She remembered ones like it from the Ostwick Circle – but that was a lifetime ago. Something about it made her heart ache, but at least she didn’t start crying. Instead, she sat down on her new bed to look around.

Yep, this was a bed that could fit her. No more sore knees. And she had a desk too, with a chair large enough that she wouldn’t feel cramped. She even had a proper dresser, with a mirror hanging above it and a small washbasin below. No more using the communal one in the library for her.

“Way better for the head librarian.” Jacks settled in next to her as Akri put both boxes on the floor. “So, do you like it? Because if not we can bully Ian for his.”

The mage in question scoffed dramatically. “As if you would need to bully me to help my favorite cousin!”

“She’s the only cousin you talk to, genius.” Akri rolled his eyes. “But yeah, we’ll totally kick his ass out if you want to swap. You’ve seen his room before, right?”

As Ian and Akri playfully argued about the merits of throwing his bony ass out on the stones, Trevy let it all sink in. Everything was changing so fast that it was hard to keep up those days. Her head was honestly spinning from it all. Overwhelming was putting it mildly – it was a miracle she was able to focus at all.

But the plant on her window helped. In a few days, it would bloom. Then she would have something pretty to look at. Thinking about that calmed her heart as she stretched and let herself fall back against the wall. It wasn’t the best move – her back cracked in such a way that all three of her guests turned to look at her.

Well… it had been a very small room in her defense, and she was a very tall woman…

“You uh… didn’t break anything, did you?” Ian’s eyes darted nervously to the door. “We got a healer-”

A giggle bloomed at Trevy’s lips as she closed her eyes. “I’m fine. And you don’t need to kick Ian out, Akri. This room is perfect for me.”

And it wasn’t just because she fit. They fit too. The space held the chance of having her friends over, of long nights bothering her cousin over various ideas. She was no doubt going to spend long hours at that desk. With her luck, she’d burn the magelight out at least twice.

It all sounded wonderful to her. No matter how frustrating or upsetting it got, at least she had this space to return to, and the plant on the window. That would be enough to get her through some of the rougher patches.

Though… actually unpacking and arranging it was another story. Would it be rude to ask for help in that matter?

Only one way to find out…

“Hey, guys? Can I ask for one more favor before you go?”

Judging by the looks on their faces when she opened her eyes, maybe it wasn’t so rude after all. Excellent… because she really didn’t want to put her books away alone. Without someone to help her, she’d be there all night.

What… she was a librarian. She was allowed to be particular.

[ayeshintheclouds]

What a strange middle space I exist in. It’s like the time between Christmas and New Year. When everything’s done, but technically it’s not. When the year is so practically over that you act as if it already is. But it’s not. High school is over. Except it’s not. 

We still have assignments sometimes. An occasional Zoom call. But that’s not what high school is to me. I have an obsession with lasts. In so many aspects of life. I remember a specific time, the week before my eleventh birthday. Every single night before bed that week, I’d think to myself, “it’s my last Tuesday 10” “my last Friday 10” it was stupid. But I did that with everything. When we moved. My last time using this shower. My last night in my room. My last time opening this closet door. I never stopped that. And I had built up so many lasts in my head for high school. It was such a crazy time of my life, the most I’d ever changed as a person, the most experience I’d gotten in the real world. I’m attached to that building, its people, the walls, the books. I was so prepared to live through each and every one of those lasts.

My last time using the disgusting school restrooms with roaches. My last time sleeping on the giant comfy library sofas. My last time walking in to gov with an orange and sticking its cutie sticker on the back of the seat in front of me. My last time listening to music in class and then jolting up when uh oh stinky starts playing on max volume cuz zahra hijacked my airpods. My last time walking to euro with the same song playing in both our ears as we walk off in different directions, sighing when the Bluetooth connection cuts off cuz you’re too far. As far as you can get in one building. What we wouldn’t give to be in the same building right now. My last time quickly clicking out of my Papa’s freezeria tab and zoning back into a lecture about scandalous prince Henry and his million wives. My last time filling out forensics notes made by our sweet teacher who draws cute lil heart bulletins for each of the 19 ways a man’s blood can drain out of his body. My last time rushing to lunch before the giant pizza line or the crowds around the restroom mosh pits cuz some rapper died. My last time cuddling up in a giant blanket with my friends on the floor of our freezing cold English room to watch A Quiet Place or Marriage Story or The Good Place. Our last time making a steaming cup of hot chocolate using our teachers coffee machine to read a picture of Dorian grey. My last time sneaking my friend into library free period and then getting caught. She made my friend go out but we keep talking, through the glass. We write words on our notebook paper and show each other. We play charades. We FaceTime and text despite being a foot apart but there’s glass separating us. My last time sneaking up to the abandoned second floor of the library where all the lonely dead books live, where it feels like an airplane when it rains. You can hear the rain pattering above you and the lights go out and u feel like ur in a giant haunted library all alone. But then ms b yells for you to come down and change the water filters or take out todays orbeez and youre back in reality. My last time jolting awake to the sound of the awful trumpet bell and rushing to the bus. Saving a seat for zahra and cringing at boys’ conversations behind us as they compare weewee sizes and rate girls. Recording a bus vlog together and sharing headphones to watch funny videos. My last time walking home with Renelle and MonaLisa, stopping every few feet so they can film tiktoks. Arriving at the crossroad between our houses and saying “See you tomorrow,” before heading home. Every day. Every day we said those exact words like a tradition, even on Fridays by accident and then we’d giggle and say “oh I mean Monday” and I thought to myself that the last month of school I’d record us saying that everyday to make a graduation memory compilation.

My last time going to high school. Or school at all. Unless you count college as school, which I guess it is. But still. It’ll never be the same. We’re opening one chapter before finishing the last. We haven’t fully left high school but technically we’re in college. We haven’t fully started college cuz we’re technically still in high school. It’s over. My last day of school was something I barely remember. My friend had memorized a thousand digits of pi for extra credit and we watched her perform it in front of her class. I’m trying so hard to go back and count the lasts. But I didn’t savor it. I wish I’d known it’d be my last. It’s taught me at least to savor everything. Anything can be a last moment. Life can change at the drop of a hat.

We missed our university orientation. It was gonna be the most amazing two days of our lives. Our first ever slumber party. We’d be roommates in a dorm room and we’d do the candlelight traditions and the songs and everything. They gave us an online one now. Staff people speaking us through green screens and a bunch of twenty minute videos. Zoom calls. Surveys. Emails. All our real life experiences replaced by the stupid internet that I hate so much but it’s all I’ve got.

Who knows if we’ll have a graduation, a prom? If we’ll ever get to walk across that stage or wear that dress or even see each other in person again. Sometimes my friends come by, on their bikes or with their parents. We talk through my second floor window or on the porch six feet apart. When they leave it feels like they never came at all because it was so surreal. It doesn’t feel the same. Nothing feels the same. It feels empty and hollow and lonely and like reality is fake. Time passes as a blob now. Someone says it’s Friday and I want to scream. What does that supposed to mean? Is that supposed to hold any meaning to me anymore? Friday meant no school tomorrow. There’s no school today or tomorrow or the day after or ever.

I know I shouldn’t complain. I have life in my arms and legs and color in my cheeks and my body can breathe without machinery that costs thousands to make. The height of my pain is boredom and I’m sure there’s thousands, millions, who would kill to have a problem as first world as mine. So I have no right to complain. But I will. Because although others’ pain is greater than mine, pain is pain, and I want so badly to get it off my chest without hurting the feelings of people actually suffering. And I’m well aware that anyone reading this might think me a spoiled brat. I guess I am. But high school’s over. Except it’s not

[momofantas]

Western Expanse pt. 2

Western AU | Atheva Lavellan x Cullen | Dragon Age fanfic | 1148 words | Part 1 | AO3 |

Hours had passed and the sun was beginning to set. Atheva sat under a large tree in the middle of a field. No one would spot her, but her horse could have been a dead giveaway with its black coat and mane.

She had been waiting for over an hour for her boys to meet up with her at the spot they had agreed to if things went wrong. The amount of time that had passed made her nervous. Had they escaped? Did the sheriff catch them?

While she was pondering her friends’ ultimate demise, a horse began to approach. She could barely make it out in the creeping darkness, and she grabbed her gun from the back of her skirt. Her luck may have run out.

The rider had a lantern in his hand, but it wasn’t until he was almost on top of her that Atheva could finally make him out.

“Cullen!” She sighed, placing her gun on the ground. “Jesus, I didn’t think it would be you.”

The man laughed lightly as he jumped off his horse. The lantern shook on impact, making his crooked smile even more intriguing.

“Did you not want it to be?”

“I just wasn’t expectin’ you is all,” she muttered as she pushed herself up onto her feet. “Where are the boys?”

“Back at camp. They figured you would be there, so they headed on back. Imagine my shock when they said they were lookin’ for you,” he replied.

“What?! We had talked about meetin’ up here if something went wrong!”

“They didn’t seem to think anything went wrong.”

“Horse shit. Plenty went wrong,” Atheva muttered.

“I dunno, I think you look rather nice in that outfit,” Cullen replied, closing the distance between them. His hand gently gripped the fabric of her skirt. His thumb rubbed over it, gently brushing against her thigh.

Atheva’s cheeks began to burn red and she looked away. “Listen, just take me back to camp so I can change out of this monkey outfit,” she muttered, tugging at the knot of her bonnet. It came undone easily, freeing her now-frizzy braid. Her curls were threatening to destroy the twine holding it all together.

“And miss out on some private time with my favorite gangster? Don’t count on it,” Cullen said as he leaned forward. His lips brushed against hers as he spoke. Before he could kiss her, she leaned in to do it first.

He smiled into their kiss before placing his free hand on her waist. Cullen was the only one who got to see this side of the Red Devil. How fragile she could feel in his arms, like if he squeezed too tightly she would collapse. Her nervous expressions, how she looked scared of letting herself feel anything but hate and exhilaration.

Those were only for him.

And they never lasted long.

Atheva pulled back suddenly, turning her head to look to the south. “Did you hear that?” She asked nervously.

“It’s just the wind,” he whispered, trying not to show his disappointment about the end to their kiss.

“No, no, we should go,” she replied with a shake of her head. She stepped out of his hold and walked over to her horse. “Race ya?” She asked with a coy smile.

“Only if I get another kiss at the end,” Cullen said. He handed his lantern over to her before jumping onto his horse. He leaned down to take it back from her before she did the same.

“Deal.”

-----------------------------------------------

The two arrived back to camp with hair whipped around by the wind during their frantic ride.

“I won again!” Atheva said with a grin as she hopped off her trusty mare. She gave the horse a gentle pat on her backside as she waited for Cullen to dismount.

“So you did,” he said with a chuckle. He walked around the side of her horse to plant a soft kiss to her forehead.

“Yuck!”

A cry came from camp, startling the two out of their pure moment.

“Bull! Shut up!” Atheva called back as she moved away to tie her horse to the makeshift post they had made out of a fallen tree.

“Listen, I just don’t see why you’re smoochin’ on this farmboy!” Bull called back.

She made her way into camp, grimacing when she saw the bag holding the small amount they had found inside the bank. “It makes more sense than that bank holdin’ fuck all!” She snapped.

The three men around the fire looked shocked.

“Hey, don’t blame Bull.”

Atheva turned her glare over to Varric. “I’m not, I’m blaming my gossip hound….” She hissed.

“Woah, woah,” the smaller man said, holding his hands up in front of him. “So I got some bad information, so what? We still got some good cash!”

“Not enough! Twenty dollars isn’t worth a run. Remember the Frisco job?” She asked, turning her attention to their bald and mustachioed cohorts.

The two nodded their heads.

“We made more than a thousand. Each. We need to get that much again if we’re gonna make it up North.”

“Why go up North, though?” Varric asked with a shake of his head. “It’s cold…”

“No one’s up there ‘cept the trappers. That’s what we need right now. We need to get out of this area and away from the Pinkertons. With our luck, they’re hot on our trail,” she added under her breath.

It was enough to get the two silent types’ attention.

“Why would they be on our trail?”

“Well, Dorian,” she said, turning her attention to the well-dressed man. “We haven’t exactly been laying low….”

“You and the farmboy going shopping in the city certainly didn’t help,” muttered their bald companion.

Cullen shook his head. “I get you don’t like me, but don’t blame Atheva for it.”

“Oh yes, because you would definitely be here without her,” Varric retorted.

“Shut up!” Atheva yelled. “Varric, your intel was bad. We need to hit another big bank before we make it North. After that, we can split ways if y’all hate Cullen so much, but I ain’t ditching him.”

“Whatever,” Dorian said under his breath before taking a sip of the soup Varric had made the group.

Atheva sighed and walked over to an empty seat by the fire. “Listen. Today was… not good,” she said, looking to her men for agreement before continuing, “But we’ve been in this a long time and now is not the time to fall apart. Just because we’ve got a new helpin’ hand and a new man on the town doesn’t mean we can get comfortable. Our goal in this life is to get into the lap of luxury. We’re not there yet, so we can’t get lazy. Y’all are good men, and I know you can help make this work.

“Now pass the whiskey.”

[words-and-seeds]

🖊 i want to have a few sentence summaries of each oc you have and what fandom they’re for!!

Lawd have mercy, this is An Ask. I have so many babies. This is going behind a cut because it will be long.

FC5

🖊  - Del is my original deputy, born out of taking one look at Joseph and having the “oh no, he’s hot” reaction. Plus, Joseph as a character gives my heart a boner, so I had to do an oc to love up on him. She is the epitome of chaotic good. She only joined the sheriff’s department to pay the bills and because childhood bff Staci Pratt did. When they’re together, they have to share three braincells between them. They’re always getting into stupid shenanigans.

🖊  - April was my second. She’s a surgeon/child prodigy/was in medical school at age 16. She’s a little emotionally cold because of her background - emotionally neglectful parents, going right into a physically abuse marriage. She has three children from that marriage, and she moved to Hope County after being blackmailed asked by John Seed. She owed him a favor from when he was still John Duncan. She sees to the overall health and wellness of the Peggies - she does so many stitches, you guys. So many - and is also responsible for overseeing their medical supplies.

🖊 - Mavra is my captain, and she’s a stone cold badass. You know the phrase, “she would kill you as soon as look at you?” Well, Mav would much rather kill you than look at you. She’s the longtime partner (as in before the bombs even dropped) of Thomas Rush, and the mother of his daughter Mila. She is also pregnant during the events of FCND, but that comes out later (and I headcanon that baby will be a SuperBaby tm because of Eden’s Gift). As the Shepherd, she moves her children to New Eden and tries her best to get the two communities to cooperate, because they either all live together or die separately.

🖊 - Uli is another non-deputy oc. He’s an assistant district attorney in Missoula, and not really aware of the problems developing in Hope County. All he knows is he keeps getting files coming across his desk of people being arrested for serious crimes and represented by a lawyer who graduated from an ivy league school. This intrigues him and he decides to do a little digging. That’s how he meets John and it’s hate at first sight. It’s also lust at first sight and they end up hatefucking quite a lot. That is, until they both catch feelings. 

RDR2

🖊 - Jessie is my main rdr2 girl. She’s pretty much a self insert into rdo who travels all around with her posse (her fam) doing jobs as the need strikes. She’s chaotic neutral. Killing, kidnapping, and destruction of property, right alongside rescues and recovery of property. She is a bounty hunter, again, as the need strikes. She’s happiest hunting and searching out treasures, and she avoids other people like the plague. That is, until she gets ambushed by a bunch of O’Driscolls and is assisted by one Arthur Morgan (as in, he’s riding through the aftermath and shoots the last remaining guy right before she sticks a hunting knife in his neck). Since she’s separated from her posse for the time being, she accepts his offer of safe harbor with the VDL gang.

🖊 - Lovisa is my other one. She’s a Swedish transplant into Saint Denis and she’s a doctor. At least, she practices medicine, even if the stupid rich old men on nob hill refuse to acknowledge her. She’s protected from charges of quackery charges by grateful patients who would otherwise be turned away from “decent” hospitals and doctors. She lives in a slum and is mostly paid in food, but at least she eats well.

🖊 - Evaline is my last rdr2 oc (so far). She’s got kind of a sketchy background right now because she’s so new, but so far I know that she was abandoned by her parents at a train station. There wasn’t an orphanage or anything she could go to, but she was taken in by the owner of a hotel in exchange for cleaning and helping out around the place. As long as she minded her Ps and Qs and avoided a beating, it wasn’t a bad life. She works as a bath girl now, and she hoards her money in a sack under her bed. As soon as she has enough saved for a decent horse, she’s going to ride out of town and never look back.

FO4

🖊 - Berenice is my FO4 baby. And boy, is she dealing with a lot. She did not cope well with the initial events of the game and spent most of the time internally screaming. But she pulls up her big girl stockings, gathers her group of ragtags, and turns into a capable leader. She and Danse totally get it on.

Destiny

🖊 - Foxtrot-5 is my exo hunter. She’s a Gunslinger who travels The Way of A Thousand Cuts. She’s a bi disaster, or bisaster. She has a crush on Zavala, and it’s honestly embarrassing for everyone involved. EVERYONE. Ultra reliant on her ghost, Sammy, to curb her dumber ideas. Cayde-6 was her best friend. She was wounded on Titan in a Hive nest and it took hours before she died and could be resurrected. It was very traumatic for her and Sammy, and she hasn’t been quite the same since. He’s afraid she might need to be rebooted, but he doesn’t want to lose her. Who knows what Foxtrot-6 will be like. She took off for the Tangled Shore as soon as they announced they were looking for a Hunter Vanguard.

🖊 - Neza is my awoken warlock. She’s a Voidwalker following the Attunement of Fission. She’s a Gensym scribe, a member of the Praxic Order with the Cormorant Seal, and she is married to Banshee-44. They’ve been together for like 80 years, since he was Banshee-15, and they’re very happy, tyvm. She is the apprentice of Asher Mir - whether he likes it or not, she’s not going to let all that knowledge die with him. She was furious after the Pyramidion debacle and barely spoke to him for like three years. He pretended to love it, but missed his “assistant”.

🖊 - Lia is my human titan. She’s a Striker and follows the Code of the Missile and is a little punch happy. She and her strike team mainly hang out on Nessus and keep the remnants of the Red Legion and the Vex from causing too much trouble. She is the: Captain, Godslayer, Iron Lord, Young Wolf, Hivebane, Kingslayer, Crota’s End, Rivensbane, Shadow of Earth, MMXIX, VIP #2014, etc etc etc. She’s lost track of her titles, thinks they’re a bit stupid really, but she has an overactive sense of duty and she rushes into a fight without really thinking it through. She is currently working for the Praxic Order to take down The Drifter, and she might be a teensy weensy bit compromised. But he better keep away from her ghost.

DA

🖊 - Ursella Cousland is my Hero of Ferelden. I think we’re all very familiar with the Cousland background by now. She tried to honor her parents by using their teaching in all of her dealings, like when to be diplomatic and when to solve a problem with a knife. Dual wield rogue. She marries Alistair and becomes Queen of Ferelden and lives happily ever after. Let me ended it there, bioware you assholes

🖊 - Marilyn Hawke is the Viscountess of Kirkwall. Purple Hawke, my dudes. Another rogue here (I have a type, okay.) Fenris is her boo. Anders critical because, I as her creator, find Anders repulsive. She definitely kills him in the end. As much as she would love to, she is no longer able to follow Fenris around on his adventures. She gets stuck in the Fade, but you bet your ass she’ll be out and ready to kick Fen’Harel’s ass in jig time.

🖊 - Adelais Trevelyan was my first Inquisitor. As the youngest daughter of many, many siblings, she feels like she has quite large shoes to fill. Dedicated Andrastian. I headcanon that she was basically starting from scratch, combat wise. She’s would much rather be curled up with a book than out drilling in the snow. Cassandra definitely has to chase her down for training, but they bond over smutty literature. She’s reliant on Vivienne to keep her from embarrassing herself with her country bumpkin ways. They’re the land rich cash poor kind of nobility. She’s related to like…everyone. Family members all over the place. She’s madly in love with Cullen.

🖊 - Haletelbana (Bana) Lavellan is obvs my Elven inkie. I know they say the Lavellan clan roams the Free Marches, but I decided to make canon my bitch and say they were a desert clan based in the Western Approach. She joins Dorian in bitching whenever she gets cold. Eventually they just decide to share a bedroll for the warmth anytime they’re anywhere the temperature drops below sweltering. She sees the ocean for the first time in the Storm Coast and falls in love. Stupid sexy Solas breaks her heart. She also puts Briala in a position of power fuck you Celene

The Arcana

I blame @pabstbeerpussy for this.

🖊 - Sadb (pronounced Sayv) is the name of my apprentice. I don’t have much of a backstory for her yet, but she and Asra are in every kind of love it’s possible to be in, okay? Her familiar is a red panda named Batsa.

I have more, but I think this has gone on more than long enough, plus tumblr has already crashed once. But I’m always happy to scream about my babies!

[capsule-cosplay]

“”I’m tired.” “Looks like one part of your body missed the memo…”” [Solas x Dorian]

Once again, i’m on it ><

Dragon Age content for y’all !

Btw, i’m sure these two should talk more, drunk? Even better! XD 

Anyway, enjoy <3

As usual, Dorian was reading, arms resting at the balcony, enjoying the resonance of Solas’s fingers slowly turning the pages of his book one by one. Both men liked to read, both knew the fade and enjoyed silent places. A rare treat for those who know the inquisitor so far. But for once, boredom took Dorian out if his lines, willing to kill for a little chat, but no mere one, he wanted something interesting, something he could debate on for hours. He needed a brain, other than his, and he found just the one under his sight.

Who, better than Solas, would be able to debate about nerdy subjects such as magic, history of the fade for hours? The thing was, how to begin? How to get a man for only a chat? How the hell do you catch a chaste interest of someone?

Bright, marvellous idea suddenly came to the man. Solas seemed to be in a sleepy state, perfect time to act.

He carefully closed his book, steadied his body, straighten his back before aiming Solas’s desk with the knowledge record he had in hand.

*STOMP*

Both mages were surprised at the moment. Dorian for being able to aim the desk and not accidentally kill the elf, and Solas for that he didn’t die by both the book’s fall and his heart attack due to the noise it made.

“Ah… Sorry dear, but the weather here is so hot this little beauty might have slipped from my hands, unfortunately… I hope it didn’t scare you!”

What a brat the vint could be somehow.

“If you seek to have fun Pavus, I might recommend you do find someone interested. Furthermore, you hate the south’s weather for its coldness. No chances you’d be sweating your hands from it up there-” He looked at the book, blend, pointless historical subject “-neither from a book which not borrowed to Cassandra… So, I guess you don’t want this back? If yes, come downstairs, I won’t get up for you, and certainly not for that book.”

Dorian couldn’t help himself, as a wide grin came across his face.

“Well, neither will I. And yes, you’re right, I’m freezing up there. How about I walk down for something far more interesting with you than just that mere book?”

Solas could feel the tension it gave to everyone which heard the Tevinter’s words. Admit it Dorian, you left such a blank after your words, these particularly well-chosen words, on purpose isn’t it?

The elder sight.

“Farewell, come down, join me. I feel that your tantrum won’t be ending if I try to keep you away. May I listen to what you desire to tell…” Even if he truly was curious about the kind of discussion the vint could give him, he still wanted calm and tranquillity more than anything. Dorian’s company for few times was the sacrifice he was willingly to make for a moment of inner peace.

“Sure, sure. Let me just the time to get ready for our, which will soon become a legendary ride across history itself, meeting down there!” Shouted Dorian before leaving to the stairs, a smile wider than he ever had before on his face, proud of the grumbling he heard from the elf as he came downstairs.

Once the man sat, the elf took his glaze on him, letting his lecture aside.

“Well, how can I help you?”

“Dear, I just wanted to see if everything was fine, but I just had this theory about the fade and-”

“The fade? You have theories about, the fade?”

“Yes, I am truly interested, and yes, I have some. Few. Many more actually, care to hear?”

No more words were needed for Solas to be fully listening to the man’s voice.

[…]

Hours passed as the two mages were still discussing, renewing the world, debating on things and all.

“My, my… What a day we had friend. Who knew such an old being could be so interesting? No offences, for sure, you do look fabulous even after all this time. What is your secret? Beauty sleep? The fade itself? Tell me dear I’m all ears…”

Solas was massaging his eyes as he felt tiredness coming to him.

“There is none, unfortunately for your kind. But you might try the beauty sleep, it could do you no harm.”

Dorian scoffed as Solas softly smiled. The man got up, one of the bottles of wine they opened during their chat in the hand:

“Well, good on me, I consider myself more of a good wine kind, better with time I guess… Shall I leave?”

“You may, but please, let us have another time together, there is still things I need to explain and few of your theories to discuss about.”

Dorian was about to leave, shirt open, for his bedroom as Solas stopped him:

“Wait!”

“Is it something you want, elf-boy?”

Solas was searching for his words, damn he never drank for a good reason, he hated to not have words on his thoughts. Dorian came to him, a hand on the armrest of his chair, the other near his head.

“What is it you need more of me, dear friend?”

To hell chastity! If he was about to get some of this “fading ass”, this was the only way this evening could end in a better way. Wine, sex, and magisterial debates about the fade and other kind of spells.

Solas could not help but loosing himself in the Tevinter’s eyes, luring him in such a, particular way…

“I’m tired.” Solas did finally say to break the sudden tension.

“Looks like one part of your body missed the memo…”

Both looked down now on Solas’s privates. Meeting their gazes once again after few seconds.

“We need sleep, Dorian.”

“Agreed.”

The man left in a loud laugh which resonated in all Skyhold, leaving the elf alone, embarrassed, confused, and oh, so red at his desk.

[vincent-frankenstein]

To My Heart and Soul

[ 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | you are here | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | read on AO3 ]

Warnings: major character death, villain/abusive deceit, blood, fighting, panic attacks, creepy imagery

Pairings: logince, hints of moxiety, a tiny smidge of remile and past abusive anxceit

“I can’t believe you actually stood up to him.”

After Dorian disappeared, Thomas sent Logan home with Patton, bidding them farewell and wishing them a good night’s sleep before their journey to Sleepy Hollow. Logan wanted nothing more than to leave right away, to ensure that Dorian had no chance of getting there before them, but Toby needed to gather supplies for the trip.

So there they were; sitting in the living room of Patton’s big, empty house. It had once been his parents’, and the cold, lonely rooms had once been filled with family, brothers and cousins and aunts and uncles, warmth beyond compare. Patton seemed impossibly small in comparison. He didn’t belong in such a big, cold place.

“You did too,” Logan pointed out, sitting stiffly on the end of Patton’s couch. His whole body buzzed with nervous energy, a never-ending mantra of do something do something do something rushing through his mind. He hated being held back when there were answers at his fingertips, waiting just out of reach.

Patton laughed. “Yeah, I guess so,” he said, with a nonchalant shrug. “Not as much as you, though! You were amazing.”

Logan’s cheeks colored. He looked away, raising an eyebrow. “He’s a bully,” he stated. “I have faced countless bullies. He’s nothing to be afraid of.”

“He’s… a bit more than just that,” Patton said slowly, carefully. “It’s easy for you to not be afraid. You don’t know what he’s done.”

“What did he do, Patton?” Logan asked, turning to meet Patton’s gaze. “I have gotten nothing but vague answers since I got here. I should know what we’re up against.”

Patton bit his lip. He twisted his hands in his lap. Nervousness radiated off of him in waves, and for a moment his expression turned sour, pained. He blinked it away and shook his head, offering Logan a shaky smile. “You deserve to know,” he said. “It’s just… it’s complicated.”

“I have dealt with many complicated issues before,” Logan said. “I can handle it. Please, Patton.”

“I know. I —” Patton ran a hand through his hair. “Okay. When Roman died — or, uh. When he disappeared? When Roman was gone, Dorian should have gotten the seat on the council. He was the next in line, y’know? But… none of the members at the time really trusted him. He wasn’t a bad person, back then, he was just… he had ideas, on how the world should be run. And his ideas weren’t always the nicest.”

“The council decided that they’d take a couple weeks to… figure out what to do. Dorian became furious, and he vanished. I — we all thought he was… gone. Like — like Roman.” Pain flashed across Patton’s face, and Logan placed a hand on his shoulder, gentle but firm. Patton nodded, lips pressing into something that could have been a smile. “But then he showed up again right when the council made the decision to appoint me instead.”

“When he found out, he — he attacked. With everything he had. We… lost a lot of mages that day.” Patton sighed. “The thing is, Dorian shouldn’t have been able to survive that. Magic is… strange. We need it to live, but if we use too much, our bodies sorta just shut down. And Dorian used so much that day, he should have been vaporized on the spot. That’s what we all thought happened, at least.”

“But somehow, he survived,” Logan said, eyebrows furrowed. “Are there any spells that could increase one’s ability to withstand a magical overload?”

“Not really,” Patton said with a shrug. “I mean, there’s old stories, but they’re just myths. None of them make sense, yknow? Toby even thought for a bit that Dorian had been possessed by an old god or something, but that’s impossible. Those legends… they don’t fit at all with what we know about magic, about how it works.”

“What do you know about magic?” Logan asked, itching for a notepad. There were too many thoughts flying around in his brain, leads and questions tangling together. Patton chuckled.

“Personally, not much,” he admitted. “Like I said, I wasn’t supposed to be on the council, so I didn’t have to go through the extensive classes that Roman did. I — I was gonna be a baker, before everything happened. And I’m not good with words, I dunno if you’d even understand the stuff I do know. You need a master.”

“You mentioned a university earlier,” Logan said. “A… Professor Ceres. How soon can I talk to them?”

Patton stuck his tongue out in thought. “Well, tomorrow we’ve gotta go with Toby to find the weapon, and then after that… after that, I can take you. Probably a few days from now.”

“Ah.” Logan tried not to be too disappointed. Patton’s answer was, essentially, exactly what he’d expected. Still, he longed for answers to the countless questions bouncing around in his head. A few days was, admittedly, not that long, but who knew how many more questions he could come up with in that time?

Patton noticed his disappointment, and offered a sympathetic smile. “Hey, c’mon now, teach, it’s not that long! I promise I’ll take you as soon as I can. We just have to get the whole… Dorian situation under control first.” He stood, yawning. “Speaking of which, we should get some sleep before tomorrow. Do you need anything else, or can I…?”

Logan blinked, coming up from his sea of thoughts. “Oh. No, no, go ahead. Sleep well, Patton.” He shook his head to clear his errant mind, and offered what he hoped was an acceptable smile. Patton grinned right back, leaned forward to squeeze him in a split-second hug, and then bounded up the stairs.

Logan blinked — once, twice, three times, his thoughts slamming to a screeching halt. His skin burned where Patton had hugged him, a sharp ache sinking deep into his bones. He let out a soft breath, closing his eyes to center himself. He knew he’d isolated himself quite terribly in the aftermath of Roman’s disappearance, but… he hadn’t realized just how badly touch-starved he’d become…

No. No, that didn’t matter. There were answers to be found. There was no time in the plan he’d begun to formulate to dwell on problems he couldn’t hope to solve just yet. He needed to find Roman. Then… then he could focus on what came next.

And the first step to finding Roman was getting an adequate amount of sleep.

With another deep, centering breath, he opened his eyes and stood. Without Patton there, the house seemed even emptier, even colder, and the loneliness the empty halls exuded seemed to sink straight into his lungs, freezing his breath in his chest. He glanced around the dark living room, gaze lingering on the shadows for just a moment longer than he’d ever admit.

The second floor of the house wasn’t much better, but he could see hints of light from beneath Patton’s door, a sign of life that the cold husk below sorely lacked. He stepped gently past Patton’s door in search of the guest room he’d been shown to earlier.

There were four doors in the hallway. The first was Patton’s — though, according to the tour he’d been given earlier, the master suite was on the third floor. Patton, it seemed, had never moved out of his old bedroom.

Logan peeked into the next room over, and a chill went down his spine. The room was completely devoid of everything; just… empty, bare walls and bare floors, with dark, fluttering curtains drawn over the tall windows.

He didn’t look in that room for long. There was a bad feeling in the air.

He opened the door to the third room, on the other side of the hall, and his heart leapt into his throat and choked him. It was painted in shades of scarlet and gold. His breath caught on the shattered glass in his chest as he stepped inside, vaguely aware that he wasn’t supposed to explore and overwhelmingly aware that he didn’t care. All at once, the loneliness seemed to lessen, but it still pressed down hard on his lungs, seeping deep into his bones.

This was Roman’s room.

The door closed behind him with a soft click, and a soft silence draped over him. He wrapped his arms around himself, letting out a long, shaking breath that quickly dissolved into a wet laugh. The room was so Roman that his heart almost snapped right in two, crushed under the weight of how much he missed him.

He flicked the light switch, and the fairy lights draped from the ceiling in wide loops and arcs flickered to life, spilling twinkling light across the room. It had been dusted, at the very least, but otherwise it sat untouched, still glowing with the energy Roman seemed to exude. The bed was haphazardly made, and decorative pillows had been left scattered across it, among a sea of stuffed animals. The dresser housed a veritable labyrinth of stuff, makeup and books and papers and pictures and everything in between. Long, golden curtains fluttered around the tall windows, illuminated in moonlight.

He stepped up to the vanity, peering through the hazy light at the polaroid pictures taped around the mirror. His vision began to blur, hot tears pooling in his eyes as he realized exactly which pictures they were. With a shaking hand, he gently peeled one off. He could barely breathe.

Roman was grinning, his face alight with joy, his arm looped tightly around Logan’s shoulders. Logan wasn’t quite facing the camera, his eyes wide with shock, the beginnings of a blush on his cheeks. Rain poured around them, blurring the picture, and Logan’s wet binder was coated with sand.

Logan sank down into the vanity chair, a trembling smile tugging at the corners of his lips. He remembered that day — his disappointment when it started to rain, and the little glow of elation in his chest when Roman only giggled and dragged him out into it to dance in the puddles across the beach and splash through the storm-torn ocean with abandon.

He remembered taking the picture, soaking wet and coated with sand, his breath heavy in his chest after dozens of dances. He remembered Roman’s arm around his shoulders and his bright grin and remembered how they’d flopped down onto the sand the moment after, their hands laced together.

He closed his eyes, forcing the stinging tears away. He was close to finding Roman again; there was no logical reason to cry. Still, a sob built in his lungs and broke away, and he held the picture to his chest as if it could hold him together, trembling.

He didn’t move for quite some time. When he did, it was only to stumble over to Roman’s bed and fall, not thinking beyond his pain, still holding the picture like a lifeline. He curled into Roman’s pillow, a heartbroken noise building in the back of his throat as his familiar smell washed over him. If he closed his eyes, he could almost imagine that Roman was lying beside him, that he’d wrap his arms around him and hold him tightly through the night, that he’d wake Logan from this nightmare he’d found himself in.

And when he opened them and found himself alone, it hurt more than he could bear.

So he kept them closed and tugged the scarlet blanket up around himself, breathing in as much of the scent as he could. He pretended he could still feel Roman's warmth around him; that the bed wasn’t cold and empty, that he wasn’t alone.

And as he fell asleep, he almost believed it.

[lostonehero]

A high school teacher au pt2

(Fuck off with that word limit also trigger warning for some stuff)

....

Something was missing. Roman had a strong feeling pass over him like something was wrong. He needed something, his mind felt like lead, and he couldn't even focus on anything but this feeling. He had a vague notion that his friends were around him asleep waiting on a report.

His body seemed to move on it's own occord as he walked passed the nurses to a blocked off ward. The doctors and nurses tried to stop him, but something told him that this was more important then following the rules as he ran towards the door. His mind racing with this desire like something was rewired in his brain and everything he desired was behind this door. He even felt his heart yearn for this as well.

He opened the door and by the smell alone he felt a weight lift from his shoulders as he sank to sit in the room. Opening his eyes he sees Dorian lay in the hospital bed, all of the machines, tubes and wires have been ripped apart, and removed from his body. The walls have cracks and dents in them like something grew too big but stopped suddenly.

With shaky legs Roman got up approaching Dorian. What did he do to him? Out of instinct he brushes the hair out of his eyes, and a jolt went through his entire being. It felt like a rush of something hit him all at once. Something wet dripped from his nose, it was blood. How did his nose start bleeding? His head didn't feel heavy anymore. Unconsciously Roman grabbed Dorian's hand. He felt like he needed more his whole being screamed at him to take more. What could he take from Dorian? He didn't want to hurt him.

He let's go of Dorian's hand gripping his head. It hurt he needed to do something, he needed to taste.... taste? He closed his eyes leaning towards Dorian. His mind was screaming no this wasn't right, but he couldn't fight this. He felt his lips press against Dorian's, his tongue forced its way in as Roman climbed on top of Dorian. What was he doing this was wrong he was going to hurt him.

Roman laced his fingers in Dorians raising them above his head. His body craved more, Roman didn't want this anymore this was so fucked. He managed to force his eyes open locking them with Dorian's. He was awake why can't he stop him. Something was so wrong, Roman screamed internally. His lungs began to burn as he realized he was holding his breath.

He breathed leaning his forehead on Dorian's forehead. His fingers untangled themselves from Dorian's as they traveled lower. No no no Roman wanted to cry, why couldn't he stop this. Something foreign grabbed his hands pushing them away. Oh fucking finally, Roman felt relief flood his thoughts that turned to ice when he felt something wonder into his pants. Thoes hands weren't his, oh fuck his pants were coming off.

Roman looked back down to Dorian looked back at up at him. This is it he was going to ruin him, this shouldn't happen, he was a monster. Tears slowly dripped out of Roman's eyes. Dorian shifted under Roman flipping him over.

Roman looked up shocked still not able to control his body. He felt like everything was on fire, his body was craving something. He needed to fight this he almost raped his friend yet now he was pinned under the man. His pants now pushed down even more, he couldn't he look down to see what was happening, his mind was too focused on Dorian.

His body suddenly went cold everywhere except where Dorian's legs brushed over his own legs. He let out a whine wanting warmth. His thoughts were racing, what the fuck is going on? He was cold, he needed to get warm. He looked into Dorian's eyes, his mind screamed that it was wrong. His eyes were wrong, but something switched in his mind and he felt relaxed. Something yelled at him that this was normal, another quiet voice growing louder in his mind wanted no demanded more.

"He-help me. I-" Roman was starting to cry his body not moving to his will. He didn't know what was happening anymore. He just wanted this to end. He was a idipt and should of listened to everyone. He shouldn't of opened the box. He was probably going to rape his friend, and he couldn't do anything about it. He needed more but this wasn't right. He is going to hurt him.

His thoughts erupted into silence as Dorian kissed Roman with so much force there teeth clacked together. His tongue forced it's way into Roman's mouth. He was drooling so much he felt like he was going to choke. What is happening to him drool spilled out of his mouth when Dorian finally released him.

His mouth tasted sweet? Roman's eyes clouded over with confusion as he swallowed the excess drool as a reflex. How did he even produce that, Dorian's mouth was so dry. Roman let out a whine as his hands made there way to his mouth. Roman felt disgusted with himself, god he hated his body right now. Dorian maybe on top of him, but Roman can't control anything he does.

Why was he drooling so much? Humans can't drool this much. Roman's hands were pulled out by Dorian who replaced them with his lips like this was a scolding. His mind was reeling he felt good which wasn't right. He shifted uncomfortably his butt was wet, wait why was his butt wet? He let out a confused noise as Dorian pulled away. Roman gained back control of his body scootching upward away from Dorian to sit upright.

Ok he knows he is just in his underwear, and Dorian is still staring at him, and he almost raped his friend. Ok this was too much he started to cry overwhelmed with everything curling himself up in a ball. "I'm so sorry." He barely croaked out.

......

Dorian blinked at Roman, something was wrong. Not finished this wasn't finished. Need to finish.

......

Roman shifted again it was getting wetter under him and he knows his tears aren't that wet. He looked at Dorian bleary eyed who looked back at Roman with a desire in his eyes. He wasn't concerned with him at this moment something was really wrong, and for some reason he was soaked all along his bottom. Nothing was wrong with Dorian, he could move again. Something clawed at the back of Roman's mind he needed something.

He didn't like this not one bit, but his body wasn't moving without his permission. He started to feel hot, and he was whining. "He-lp." Roman whined moving his hands down as he moved to his knees bending over. Now his mind was getting foggy, but now he felt empty, but Dorian is fine so he wouldn't mind this. All rational thought left Roman as he pulled down his wet boxers. He slips two fingers in his ass, if he was in a saner mindset he would be startled at how easy they slipped in. Two quickly became three, and that became his whole hand as he whined like a bitch in heat.

Wasn't full, he needs to be filled. "F-fix." He cries as he pulls his hand out.

......

Dorian climbed and pushed Roman foward as he continued to whine. He would fix. Dorian leaned and stuck his tongue in Roman's ass without warning making a loud whine erupt from him. It was so wet he needs to fix. Removing his tongue, and his hospital gown already ripped to shreds he moves foward.

Two dicks entered without a warning, as sharp teeth pierce Roman's right shoulder. Roman let out a moan of pure pleasure at being filled. It was rough and messy thrusts each one making Roman sing lovely moans. The rapid pace continued as Dorian neared his edge, letting Roman cum first he followed quickly after letting his jaw go slack and releasing Roman's shoulder. He pulled out, then quickly licking Roman clean.

He fixed it he curls up next to Roman.

.........

Roman woke up in a panic unable to get up. Fuck why was he in bed Dorian was in the hospital. Something was wrapped around him, and a puff of black hair was in his line of site. Did he take someone home? What the fuck happened, what was this place? He tried to move again, a dull pain pulsed from his shoulder. Why did his shoulder hurt, it was usally his ass after sex.

The man on top of him shifted and rolled off of him sitting up. Roman looked over and froze, that was Dorian. How he was, did he. Roman felt bile in his throat as he pieced together what he thinks happened.

.........

Dorian massaged his temples as he sat up, yesterday came back in bits and pieces. Oh Gods he was so fucked. Why did his crotch feel so weird, there wasn't a blanket so he saw that he now had two dicks. What the fuck? He turned to see Roman with a look of horror on his face. "I uh."

"Dorian I raped you. I'm so fucking sorry." Roman looked appalled at himself.

Dorian blinked with confusion written on his face. "You what? I don't think you did Roman. Oh fuck I bit you hard." He brushes his hand gently over the bite mark on Roman's shoulder then let's his tongue sweep over his new teeth he grimaces, too sharp.

Roman looked confused. "But I, that's the only way I can explain this you weren't conscious."

"I could say the same to you Roman." Dorian hisses as he gets to his feet off the hospital bed. He notices the damage he has done to the place and pales. "I don't remeber any of this fuck."

Roman finally takes a look around the room seeing the damage, and a large crack behind him that matches the hospital bed. Confusion and fear laced his mind as he looked around then back at Dorian. "How... what."

Dorian shakes his head peaking outside the door everything was normal. A doctor spotted him and approached.

"Oh you're awake good you had us quite scared with that fall you took. But good news you can sign yourself out because there isn't anything wrong. It was just a little scare." The doctor smiles. "Oh by the way your friends are quite the animated type spinning tales about what happened." The doctor chuckles walking away.

Ok that was even weirder a black bag was in the corner of the damaged room. There was a note which Dorian picked up. It was from Patton...

"We got you guys clothes, after uh Virgil had a panic attack when things got real weird. Logan even fainted. Uh yeah the doctors think we're crazy so that's fun. The school isn't even acknowledging what is happening but they bought Logan's excuse that we're talking paid break all of us so don't worry about that."

Dorian reread the letter again then pulls out clothes from the bag. Tossing a set at Roman who seems to snap out of whatever trace he was in. "Uh thanks Dorian, what uh did the letter say?"

Dorian explains what he knows to Roman.

.........

The pair exit the hospital looking confused at the sight they see. Logan is currently writing reasons why this shouldn't happen, and Patton is trying to comfort him. Roman coughs getting their attention. "Uh hey you doing alright you two."

Logan jolts up grabbing Dorian's shoulders. "Explain everything."

"Uh I need to figure this out myself first Logan. I honestly can't piece this together my memories are fragmented at best." Dorian looks defeated.

Logan frowns. "Ok then we start from the beginning."

Patton claps his hands getting everyone's attention. "No not now let's go back to my place. You guys need a shower and a nice meal. "

As if on que Roman's stomach growls and so does Dorian's, both of their faces light up red.

"Time to eat. It's something normal." Patton hums leading the three to his car. "Virgil is already there uh Logan can you text him."

Logan nods sending Virgil a text.

[nyf-archive]

“Grief” you brought this on yourself. i mean this is gonna hurt but yeah

The Magister sat in his chair, watching the streets just below for any sign of the cloaked figure that would walk along the cobblestone on his way home. He was supposed to be guiding Fin into the city; she had missed them and wanted to visit before her return to Skyhold, the fortress that Maxwell had bequeathed her with when he disbanded the Inquisition. Dorian leaned his head against the cove of the windowsill, his eyes catching onto figures here and there. He pulled out his message crystal and looked down to it.

“Amatus…it should not have taken you both this long to get home…did you stop for pastries?” He asked softly, holding the container for the crystal open. And he waited…and waited…until finally something came through on the other end. It sounded like screaming, shouting, two familiar voices breaking out in a panic over the crystal. That sent fear into his heart. It raced quickly in his chest, sent him racing up the stairs of his home until he could be on the rooftop, eyes scanning the city for any sort of disruption. 

And that’s where he found it. Fire and lightning, crystal walls formed in circle, keeping something inside and others out. He quickly called for Maeveris, and soon, the two were on their way to the scene. The woman had her companion fall behind, his life was on the line if his closes companions were in a fight. But he couldn’t stay behind. He heard the shrieks and gargling of enemies as they fell to his trusted companion’s staff and magic. But, all was still. One of the walls was melted, Maeveris using her magic to lower the shield that Fin must have made for protection.

And all he could hear was a faint ‘oh no’ from the woman, a bout of sobs following after. He rushed forwards, damning the consequences. His breath could be seen through the chill of the setting sun, the ice causing the temperature to fall a great deal as he move din. He could see Finduilas, her hair broken from it’s normal updo, bloodied and clutching a body. A familiar body with only one arm. Her hands were radiating green magic, doing her best to heal what he could see were gaping wounds all over his body.

“Max…!” His voice was anything but calm. He ran over to the two who were huddled closely together, bodies of who knows what group of zealots surrounded them, were impaled on spikes of ice or bleeding out without a care in the world to anyone else. Dorian found himself on his knees, looking over the man who was barely breathing. His chest rattled, and with his hands also on his chest, his mediocre healing magic doing it’s best to heal what had been fixed

“He…we met at the inn…just like you said…” Her voice broke as she leaned her head down and against Dorian’s shoulder, her tears streaming down her face as she focused on healing, but the green was fading in and out…she was tapping out of her magic. Dorian willed himself to heal him faster. “…they were waiting for us…waiting for all of us…but there were too many…” She sobbed softly, her ears pressed flat and low against her head. He looked up to Maeveris who gave him a look that he could understand, just by the way her lashes fluttered over her eyes. 

There was so much blood…and his wheezing only got worse. Dorian would heal him…he would do everything in his power to keep him alive, but that didn’t seem like it was going to be possible. He was pale, the life slowly draining from his body. He wrapped his arms around his shoulders and hoisted him up off the ground, that way he could rest his head against his shoulder. The magister felt his hand being taken and lifted from his body, the healing magic dissipated. He hadn’t realized he’d been crying until Maxwell leaned up and nuzzled against him. 

“Dorian…” his voice was low, throat dry, but Maxwell still did his best to speak. 

“No…don’t you say anything about you dying.” The altus shook his head not wanting this to be real. The hot tears came faster now, spilling down his cheek and onto the other’s bloodied armor. 

“…it’s too late…” he sucked in a deep breath that made Dorian’s gut wrench tightly in his abdomen. Finduilas’ own emotional sounds making his worse. “…it’s okay…you’re…both going to….to be alright…” He felt the hand grasp his tighter, seemingly the only strength he had left other than to breathe and look up at him. Dorian pulled back to look down at him, a saddened smile coming over his lips as he looked down to him. He was so broken, barely holding onto this physical form. “I love you…more than you…will ever know…” 

“Don’t you dare…don’t you even think about it…!” He sobbed as he leaned their foreheads together once more. Maxwell reached up and placed his hand against Dorian’s jaw, keeping it there until the other grasped it tightly and held it in place. “Maxwell…I love you so much…” Dorian couldn’t help it, he wanted him to be okay. He did everything in his power.

“Stay with me, amatus…” He looked down to the other, but his eyes were closed, his chest had stopped it’s heaving except for one deep exhale. “No…no no no Max…!” He didn’t respond, not a hum like he used to do when he was barely paying attention. Those eyes didn’t crack open, no smile came to his lips. He was still. He was silent. 

An anguished, emotional cry left his lips as he held the limp body in his arms, he curled around the love of his life, protecting his body from sight, from any further harm. He had gotten the bleeding to stop…but it was too late. He sat there, holding him and rocking, crying out when he could no longer hold back the sounds of pain that ripped his heart apart. Finduilas sat silently, her eyes downcast, Maeveris was holding her to her to keep her stable, but the elvhen woman had just lost the last of her family…though not blood, they had shared a deep connection, one that could not be replaced. Her hands were covered in his blood, and there was nothing else she could do. 

Dorian sat there on his knees, unable to will himself to his feet, to let Maxwell go. He was cold and limp in his arms, and he knew that this wasn’t him anymore. He was gone….and there was nothing more he could do. So he sat there, keeping him close, wishing and wanting all time to just reverse. Maybe if he had been there…maybe if he had just gone with, it would have been different. 

Maeveris had to take the man from Dorian. The lifeless form was passed on to a handful of their people take him from the scene, that way he could be properly prepared for a proper send off. The man sat still, his clothing soaked in blood, no life left in his features. The woman pulled him to his feet, and very silently, she walked both the Magister and the elvhen back to their home. They sat in the silence in each other’s company, helping one another deal with the heaviness in their hearts as they lost the most important person in their lives. 

A few days passed, and though they did not feel any better about it, the two were up and moving about, readying themselves for Max’s service. Those who could attend from their old forces did. Cullen made his way to his wife’s side, helping her through most of it that day. Cole helped him process the emotions that stirred in his head, but as the time came, they all ended up at the pyre, Max was dressed in his absolute finest attire that Dorian had hated so much, and with a few words from everyone, not a dry eye was left in the crowd. 

And Dorian was the last to say his goodbyes. He took the ring from his finger, the amulet from his neck, and held them close to his heart in one hand as a white sheet was wrapped around him. His free hand willed the fade to bring forth fire, to burn the pyre he was laid upon. Soon, it took flame, Dorian stood close, the heat upon his skin almost unbearable. But he couldn’t will himself to move away…couldn’t bear to be far from Maxwell. 

Maeveris pulled him back and away from the flames as they began to rage, a few of their apprentices willing the fire to burn brighter, hotter, to allow for a quick cremation. And he stood there, watching and waiting for the flames to die down as the pyre that once stood became ash. After the flames had vanished, the ashes were picked up, manipulated with the fade and into an urn, then sealed shut. He would be moved to his final resting place of Dorian’s family tomb. He had a small urn given to him by Mae, it would remain at home with him, just behind the portrait of the two of them in a locked safe. That way, a part of him would still be with him.

The hardest part was going through all of his possessions, deciding what he would keep and what he would give away. He wasn’t a man of earthly possessions, nor the desire or need for things. He kept his armor, kept his weapons, and the shirts he would wear to bed. He wore Maxwell’s ring around his neck, never removing his own from his finger. Dorian knew that he would not love again…Maxwell had invaded his heart like a parasite and coiled himself around it…there was no room for anyone else. 

But, the sounds of cooing from the other room told a different story. The child that they had decided to have, stood just beyond the entrance to his door. He turned around and saw the small toddler, the familiar dark hair and piercing eyes what called out to him most. Fin had been able to give him the best gift this world could offer. He and Maxwell had discussed it for a few years, the desire to start a family outweighed any risk. With the help of their greatest friend, he now had one last piece he could hold onto. 

“Luna et stellae meum…” His voice was soft as he reached out and took the walking toddler into his arms, his head resting against that of their son’s as he leaned into him, holding him tightly while giggles fell from his lips. He stroked his back softly, holding him close, a few tears sliding down his face as he kept him close. 

He had to go on…he had to get through this grief. He had to make sure that their son grew up knowing the man that was his father…the man who saved all of Thedas and one lonely altus. 

They would make it.

[daihell]

No One Else to Blame Chapter 9

Dorian wasn’t sure how or even when he had fallen so completely for the Inquisitor. He knew it was incredibly foolish, particularly with the war raging around them, but none of that seemed to matter when he studied Elden’s profile or contemplated the warmth of their fingers laced together. Dorian knew this couldn’t last but he never could have foreseen just how spectacularly it would all go wrong. Or that he would be the one left holding the knife. AO3 Start from the beginning

-

Camp was set, but no one was really interested in resting. They had their lead, they knew where they needed to search, but making sure Elden was safe and as comfortable as possible in the meantime took priority. Inside the tent, Dorian used his magic to warm the air, pulling up extra blankets and tucking Elden in. He looked so incredibly frail now, Dorian’s chest ached as he watched him, unwilling to leave just yet. When Elden’s eyes finally fluttered open, he sighed in relief, moving closer just to be closer to him.

“How do you feel?” Dorian asked. Elden winced in pain as he tried to move and Dorian hurriedly put a hand on his chest to still him. “Don’t try to move.”

“I’m sorry,” Elden said, looking so tired and earnest as he looked over at him, as if pleading him to understand but too tired to say everything on his mind.

“Shh, amatus,” Dorian said, leaning forward to brush the hair from Elden’s forehead, alarmed by how fever-hot he was. “Just rest.”

“I just— I don’t want to leave you alone,” Elden said, voice faint as he slipped into sleep once again.

Dorian’s heart twisted painfully as he leaned forward,burying his face against Elden, hand caressing his cheek. It wasn’t fair, none of it was. Elden was in so much pain, but still, after everything, he was still more worried about him, wanting to be with him, comfort him, when it should have been the other way around. Was this really happening? Was this really all he could do for Elden? He’d brought nothing but pain everywhere he went, was this really how Dorian would repay him? Thank him for everything he’d done for him? Was this really how it would end?

Dorian’s life had shone the moment they’d met; hope and affection, more than he’d ever thought possible, suddenly filling every moment all because of Elden. He couldn’t lose him. He couldn’t let it end this way. Elden deserved so much better than the hand fate had dealt him, he’d remained kind and soft throughout despite a lifetime full of pain. Suddenly Dorian was nothing but fury. He would make sure it wouldn’t end here. It couldn’t.

He wanted to stay, but the best thing he could do for Elden now was to find the Venatori. He needed to get back out there and keep searching. Every moment he wasn’t was another that could be damning Elden. He placed a kiss to Elden’s forehead, lingering for a long moment, his eyes burning with tears, but there was no time for that.

He squeezed Elden’s hand before reluctantly pulling away. As Elden slipped out of his grasp, he tried to remember every detail of his hands, the way he’d felt in his own, location of every callus, everything. He didn’t look back as he left the tent, shivering with the cold of the mountain air. Looking back would only make this harder. It felt worse than it ever had as he walked away, terrified that would be the last time he’d ever see him alive.

-

Dorian scrambled up the side of a mountain, glancing over his shoulder constantly, trying to find the exact angle in those three mountains in the distance. It was more difficult than one would have thought, but there was so much ground to cover and the heavy snow made it slow going. Cassandra and the Iron Bull were around here somewhere, but they’d separated to cover more ground

Dorian was so focused on the mountains, so desperate to find the location as soon as possible, that he wasn’t paying much attention to his surroundings so as he came around a bend in the mountain path and came face to face with a Venatori scout. They both seemed equally surprised, nearly colliding as they both slid to a stop.

The scout recovered first and even as she swept Dorian’s legs out from under him, sending him sprawling he couldn’t help but feel a surge of hope. If she was here, the other Venatori had to be nearby, they were so close! Of course, he needed to avoid getting killed here first if he was going to do anything with that knowledge.

From the ground, he saw her throw a dagger somewhere above him which confused him until a heavy pile of snow landed on top of him, smothering him and freezing him to the bone. He could barely move, panic overwhelming him at the sensation, only made worse by the knowledge that as he struggled the scout was getting away. She was going to warm the others that they were coming and perhaps they would destroy all hope that they might be able to save Elden!

With a surge of magic, he burst his way free, melting the snow in the process as he jumped to his feet. He was disoriented and it took a long moment for him to spot the scout, now too far for him to catch up.

“Bull! Cassandra!” he yelled, hoping the others might be nearby. He fired off a bolt of lightning, but it missed as she ran out of range.

“Dorian?” Cassandra called out, but she was too far behind him he realized with a horrible sinking feeling.

With a curse, he sprinted after the scout. He had to catch up in time, he couldn’t let this happen!

The Iron Bull leapt out as if from nowhere higher up the mountain, ax raised as he landed, with a flurry of snow, directly on top of the scout. Dorian skidded to a halt, profound relief causing him to suddenly feel weak as he leaned over, trying to catch his breath. He nodded his thanks to Bull as he approached. It would have been nice to have been able to question her, but they were a bit limited in their options at the moment.

“Thanks for that,” Dorian said as Iron Bull approached.

“I guess we know where they are,” Bull said, nodding in the direction the scout had attempted to flee. “This is it, it’s time to finish this.”

“You should go get the others, Dorian.” Cassandra said. “We’ll keep an eye out, scout the area and make sure no one else discover our presence.

Dorian nodded, suddenly feeling shaky. Soon they’d have their answers and Elden would either be saved, or they would have to watch him waste away and die. Dorian didn’t waste any time. He ran all the way back, fueled entirely by adrenaline and trying to ignore the way each gasp of the frozen air burned his lungs. Blackwall was standing guard when he returned and he apparently read his expression.

“You found it?” he asked, hope evident in his voice.

“Yes,” Dorian said, trying to recover his breath and compose himself. “Time to get going.”

He continued past and entered the tent where Vivienne was sitting beside Elden. Any words Dorian might have said in response died in his throat when he saw Elden. He still looked so exhausted and worn out but at least he was awake and seemed more aware than before. He smiled as Dorian dropped down beside him, brushing his fingers across Elden’s cheek, disturbed to feel how cold he was; a terrible contrast to how fever hot he had been before.

“It’s time,” Dorian said once he’d regained himself. “Let’s get you up.”

It was slow going, Elden having difficulty walking. Dorian stayed close to his side the entire time, arm around him, and every time Elden faltered he was there for support. Elden’s face was determinedly blank, not wanting the others to see the pain he was no doubt in or how difficult simply moving was. Dorian was relieved when they found the others so Elden could at least stop and rest for the moment while they planned.

Cassandra and the Iron Bull had taken cover at the bottom of a slope. Carefully, Dorian and Blackwall climbed to the top, being sure to stay low. From their vantage point, they could see an outcropping not far below with several Venatori, no doubt keeping watch, and behind them was the cave.

“We need a plan,” Cassandra was saying behind him. “We don’t have time for a frontal assault.”

Something was gnawing at Dorian as he slid back down to join the others. The area looked vaguely familiar, until the memory hit him like a punch in the gut. He recalled being dragged along here, but they went a different way.

“There’s a back way in,” Dorian said, voice more grim than intended.

Elden must have noticed his pained expression at the memory because he took his hand, obviously concerned, and Dorian held it tightly as he turned to the others, taking too much comfort from the simple contact.

“There’s a trail up ahead. Easy to miss but we can use it to circle around, take them by surprise.”

“Right,” Blackwall said. “We’ll attack from the front, distract them while you get in there and find something to cure the Inquisitor.”

Dorian couldn’t help but think it a little odd that he be the one appointed with the most important task. Did it mean they were beginning to trust him again? Or was this a test as well?

“The Inquisitor and I best accompany you,” Vivienne said, moving to Elden’s side.

“Are you sure that’s wise?” Cassandra asked, eyeing Elden. “Perhaps he should stay out of sight--”

“I’m fine,” Elden interrupted, doing his best to stand a little straighter. “I don’t want to get in the way, but I can’t just stay behind.”

“It’s best if he’s close at hand,” Vivienne interjected.

“It’s settled then,” Bull said, drawing his ax. “Let’s bash in some heads.”

-

This was it. The atmosphere was tense as they all said their goodbyes, Elden wishing the other group good luck, obviously apprehensive, hating that this was all happening because of him. Dorian wanted to correct him, none of this was his fault, it was Dorian’s, but of course he wouldn’t listen. What if someone died for this? Somehow Dorian hadn’t considered that. All the more reason to find what they were looking for as quickly as possible, he supposed. Then Dorian could join the frey and help fight.

It wasn’t long after they parted ways that the sounds of battle filled the air as he, Vivienne, and Elden made their way to the hidden entrance. Dorian was torn between wanting to rush ahead and search or to stick close and help Elden who was doing an admirable job keeping up despite his exhaustion. With a nod from Vivienne, however, his decision was made for him. Vivienne would do a much better job assisting Elden, so with an apologetic glance towards Elden, Dorian sprinted ahead.

As he entered the cave, he gripped his staff tightly, expecting Venatori to jump out at him from every shadow, but there was no one here. No doubt they were all currently occupied by the distraction the others were providing. When the center of the room came into view, however, he decided he would have much prefered the ambush

On the ground was a large magic circle drawn in blood, dry and flaking, and from the wall dangled chains that were much too familiar. Dorian shuddered at the sight, staggering and falling to one knee as pain spiked through his skull and he had to bite down hard on his gloved hand to stop from crying out. He could feel a crowd of memories rushing in, nearly overwhelming him, and he tried desperately to focus on here and now. He needed to save Elden, he couldn’t do this now!

Breathing heavily, gripping his staff for support, he stood and took a determined step forward. The sound of boots scraping on stone caused him to spin around, however, and he was just in time to see Elden fall. Vivienne caught him and lowered him to the ground and Dorian took an involuntary step towards them, wanting nothing more than to rush to their side as terror gripped him.

Was this it? Were they out of time? He couldn’t leave Elden, not like this. He took another step, but Vivienne raised a hand, stopping him in his tracks and he knew she was right. He could go back, stand uselessly by and watch Elden die, or he could find the cure and possibly save him. He had to try. Wrenching his eyes away, he turned and ran farther in.

The cave curved to the left and in the distance Dorian could hear the sounds of battle. Dorian desperately wanted to continue on and join the fray, to fight and tear into everyone responsible for all of this, but he hesitated. Elden was his priority. Instead, he took a right where an adjoining cave opened up into a wide room. It appeared to be in use as a sleeping area, personal belongings and bags scattered about. Dorian picked one section that appeared to belong to Venatori of a higher station and began tearing through, even checking pockets of whatever garments he dug up.

He was so frantic, when he pulled up a small bag that clinked in that particular way glass bottles did, he nearly dropped it again. Setting it down, he opened it carefully and, hands shaking, began sifting through various potions, from healing to lyrium among others, until he finally found it. A half-empty bottle of poison.

He carefully wrapped his fingers around the bottle. It was such a simple thing, the vial small enough to fit into his palm. And yet so devastating. Dorian shuddered, thinking about the dark liquid running through Elden’s veins, causing him so much agony, slowly killing him. He just hoped Elden wasn’t already too far gone. He slipped the vial into a pocket, knowing he needed to get it to Vivienne as soon as possible, and sprinted back out of the room to where he’d left them.

He was in such a hurry when Elden and Vivienne came into view that he almost didn’t see it. Movement at the entrance of the cave caught his attention and he skidded to a halt. A man was standing there, wearing the robes of a Venatori mage, and he was raising his hand in Vivienne and Elden’s direction, readying a spell.

“No!” Dorian cried out reflexively, knowing there was nothing he could do, no way he could get to them in time.

Vivienne acted with impressive speed at his warning, pulling a barrier up around herself and Elden as a wave of fire crashed around them. As the spell fell away, Dorian was relieved to see that the barrier held, but the Venatori turned in his direction, drawn by his shout. At the sight of him, a cruel grin spread across the Venatori’s lips and it sent a chill down Dorian’s spine as he took an involuntary step back. He recognized this man. He didn’t think he would ever be able to forget his face.

Dorian thought he might be sick as he was overwhelmed with more memories; of blood dripping into his eyes and agony as they cut into him again and again, and this relentless taunting voice that he tried so desperately to resist as it told him over and over again to kill Elden, to wait until they were alone and drive a blade into him.

That voice drowned out every part of his mind until there was nothing else and Dorian knew without a doubt that this man had complete control over him. He could order Dorian to do anything and he would have to do it. He could be forced to turn on Elden all over again, finish him off for good this time before attacking the others, and Dorian would be helpless to stop it. He felt truly terrified, cold down to his very core and he lashed out reflexively, frantically bringing his staff up to cast something, anything, but it was already too late.

“Stop.”

With that one word, one simple command, Dorian was brought to a halt. All that magic he’d summoned up simply dissipated and vanished. His arms shook with strain as he tried to move, just a fraction, but he just couldn’t. There was no winning against this, there was nothing he could do and that terrible grin widened as the Venatori watched the panic in his eyes.

“I must say, I am impressed you made it this far,” the Venatori said.

While his attention was elsewhere, Vivienne took advantage and fired off several sharp blades of ice but the Venatori easily raised his own barrier to deflect. There was a flurry of spells and explosions as Vivienne and the Venatori bombarded each other and, above the din, he heard it.

“Kill them!” the Venatori yelled and Dorian felt the last of his hope fade away.

Next -->