#[ a lot of muse birthdays in the latter part of the year for some reason ]

[once-was-muses]

Thoth proving you can still be babygirl even in your 62,000s.

(Ignore the fact he A. is an immortal, and B. smoothes himself out in his mortal-friendly forms)

[clemencetaught]

and we'll find some version of okay, one day ( ft. myungdae & hyuk || verse two )

a/n: did someone say hyurick? today is alex ( @jeoseungsaja )'s birthday SO HAPPY BIRTHDAY FRIENDO :DDDD thank you so much for the all the wonderful stories, muses, smiles, and laughs u've given me ( and all ur friends and ppl on dash ) over the years; i hope this trip around the sun will be a happy one for you!! care you lots <3 &lt;3 <3

Being in a relationship with Hyuk is surprisingly easy.

No, easy, isn’t the right word. ‘Easy’ implies a lack of effort to make what is between them now. ‘Easy’ implies what they have is intuitive when it is anything but. Hindsight is 20/20- it becomes more apparent to Myungdae that perhaps the last five years didn’t have to be as painful.

( He could have told Hyuk what was happening from the beginning. He could have revealed himself to Hyuk when he arrived in Seoul. He could have taken a moment and realized that perhaps keeping this undertaking to himself was only going to cause more grief for all parties involved. Maybe then, Hyuk wouldn’t have gotten fatally stabbed. Maybe Hyuk wouldn’t dissociate, wouldn’t be considered invalid in the eyes of the public, having ‘lost the plot’. The should-haves and could-haves echo in Myungdae’s ears like his ghosts and if Myungdae thinks too hard about it, they’ll start piling the guilt one on top of another, like the stack of essays he still hasn’t graded. And when that happens, the stacks will climb higher and higher like Icarus until it inevitably burns and falls- )

So being in a relationship with Hyuk is not easy.

But it is simple.

Their relationship reminds Myungdae of a heist, except not as nearly meticulously calculated. But the principle is ultimately the same- watch your back and watch your partner’s back. If your partner needs help, even if you can’t do anything, be there for them. Or in Myungdae’s case, in the aftermath.  Wounds are like cats- easy to see, harder to catch in the moment.

Of course, simply being there is a plan too vague for the Black Knight’s standards. It’s a concept with one too many external factors and one too many uncertainties to consider.

And yet somehow, their relationship works.. Actually, it might be even more painless than any heist. Sure, the obstacles come unexpectedly, but the solutions don’t require nearly as much finesse. As a matter of fact, the most effective solutions to their obstacles are much…simpler. Less thinking, more doing in the moment.

For example, Myungdae needs to bolt? Well he can do it, but Hyuk’s going to have to follow him or at the very least find his hiding spot once the smoke bomb has cleared up. Hyuk needs space after an episode of derealization? Catch Myungdae lingering just around the corner, waiting to be let in. Myungdae doesn’t mind the wait either.

He’s always been good at abiding for time- most times.

There’s still more to figure out about each other though. It’s not like they can go back five years. And no single conversation is going to give Myungdae everything he needs to know about his dear…friend? Partner?

( Myungdae decides he’s not going to think about that right now- he’s also not going to say anything about it to anyone. Nell and Alfred already have their suspicions, and god forbid if Quinn and Taiyang found out. Myungdae already wants to stab the latter two whenever they cross paths. And he doesn’t need one more tempting reason. Not that he thinks Hyuk would mind too much- okay, maybe Hyuk would. A quirk of being part of law enforcement, but no one’s perfect. )

Besides, Hyuk reveals himself in layers- like a book, one page at a time. It’s an incorrect metaphor, the open book one, Myungdae can’t help but think. An open book implies all the facts and details laid out, plain and easy to interpret. That’s no book. Or at least not a novel- to read a novel and understand it in its entirety takes more than one read-thru. It takes turning one page at a time, studying every scene and word to comprehend how it contributes to the whole, making careful annotations in the margins, and recalling the most vivid of phrases and moments to truly know a book.

And isn’t that what Myungdae and Hyuk have been doing all this time?

Granted, once more, that isn’t to say it’s been easy. Old habits are, well, the cliché could not be more accurate- old habits die hard. Like how Hyuk still zones out for hours on end without saying a word to anyone and how he’s given up on art in favor of reading and rereading files with yellowed papers on cases that have lost relevance years ago. Or how Myungdae refuses to show skin in front of anyone and how he barely reads and  reads only for necessity.

Or how they both still have nightmares. 

Sharpened teeth need to sink in somewhere. If not someone else, then themselves. Maybe those habits will never die. Maybe even if they have each other, they’ll never be okay, never be whole once more.

Nevertheless-

“Your hair’s getting long,” Myungdae murmurs, hand carding through Hyuk’s hair. It’s a Sunday at an hour too early to be awake and of course, they’re in Hyuk’s office. Myungdae didn’t sleep well the previous night and he suspects it’s the same for Hyuk, from the way he couldn’t stop moving. Or the way Myungdae heard him gasp in the middle of the night, only to curl a little tighter against him on the sofa bed.

( Of the new couch- the old one, that two seater with deflated green cushions and scratchy fabric that must have been repurposed from a potato sack, Hyuk had replaced not too long ago. Myungdae won’t admit that he likes the new one- a three seater with chenille fabric that can fold out into a bed- more now that he’s had time to get accustomed. )

Hyuk grumbles, head in Myungdae’s lap. “It already is.” His arm loosely draped around Myungdae’s waist, Hyuk peeks up at him. Myungdae can see the lines under sleep deprived eyes.  “Do you like actually being a pigeon? It’s too early, Dae-yah.” A warm hand finds purchase on Myungdae’s hip as Hyuk groans, groggy. “Lie down.” 

Next to me, Myungdae can hear from the breeze blowing in. The lilies of the valley on the window sill jingle, tinkling and singing.

“You should get it trimmed.” Myungdae says instead, fingers tangling themselves between the strands of hair. They’re smooth. Fresh-smelling too like his shampoo. “It’ll get in your way.”

Hyuk flips to his back and looks up at Myungdae. “Don’t need to.”

“It falls over your eyes when you’re reading.” An observation, on Myungdae’s part. Hyuk grumbles.

“Doesn’t matter.” Which is translation for ‘I’m fine’. But Myungdae knows this is Hyuk’s way of saying, ‘I don’t want to.’

‘I can’t.’ 

Myungdae tilts his head, thinking as his fingers knead down to the scalp. What would make Hyuk steer away from hairdressers? How does this connect to the full picture of his dear friend now?

There are still so many things he has to learn about Lee Hyuk.

“...What If I did it?”

Hyuk raises a brow and suddenly, the window where the lilies of the valley sit looks very tempting to jump through.  It would take him, say, eleven seconds to through the window if he doesn’t grab his jacket with the smoke bombs along the way. 

“Do you even know how to cut hair?” Hyuk asks. It’s not a ‘yes’ but it’s not a ‘no’ either. 

It’s a silly overreaction, Myungdae realizes he just had. Myungdae could ask Hyuk a question and Hyuk would give him the truth. This is the way it’s always been- they don’t, or rather they can’t lie to each other. Sooner or later, the truth comes out and that’s a lesson Myungdae has been learning the hard way. 

They probably need to have a conversation about that sooner or later.

But once again, it is a Sunday at an hour way too early to be awake. This time, they can take the detour. Hyuk might think there’s no time like the present these days, but Myungdae is more than content to take the roundabout way.

“If I can use a sword, a pair of scissors can’t be any worse.” Myungdae says. It’s a half-lie. Hyuk still looks at him skeptically. “I’ll cut straight- you won’t lose more than a few inches.”

Hyuk huffs, a loose strand still landing in front of his eyes. Myungdae tucks it behind his ear. “...I’ll think about it. But on one condition-” Myungdae yelps. Rolling off of his lap, Hyuk half-coaxes, half-wrestles him into the spot next to him. Alarm rolls in, only to recede once Hyuk’s hand presses against his back and Myungdae is once more face-to-face with his dear friend.

“We rest for longer.” Hyuk finally finishes, triumphant.

“We’ll have to get up soon.” Myungdae points out. “Nell is no good in the kitchen. Hiro’s going to complain.”

Hyuk huffs. “They can wait a few hours. Who gets up at six on a Sunday morning, huh? Huh?”

Myungdae snorts, a hand carding through Hyuk’s hair, his fingertips padding against his scalp. Hyuk leans into it and sighs in approval. “Okay. Just a few more hours then. We can get up later.” 

Yes, between the two of them, they still have a lot of problems and no actual solutions: ANACHRON is still at large, Hyuk’s caseload never dies down, and the Black Knight still has heists to execute. 

Hyuk still zones out and Myungdae still doesn’t relax for any occasion. But at the same time, Hyuk doodles more now and his derealization episodes come around less often. And Myungdae sometimes wears short-sleeved shirts and will even pick up a short story to read for leisure.

It’s not quite perfect, but it’s progress.

The lilies of the valley tinkle in the sunlight. Myungdae presses closer to Hyuk- maybe they’ll never go back to the way they were before, maybe they’ll never have something easy, but if they have each other, they can be something like okay, one day.

.

.

.

fin.

[merryhelps]

                  plotting etiquette : a players guide

                                            [ coming soon / an admins guide ] 

plotting is an essential part to writing together; whether you’re in a group, an indie blog or even a 1x1, you need to be able to communicate with your peers in order to build a story. and that’s why we’re all here, right? to create worlds, no matter what the context, and most importantly, to do this with others. roleplaying is a team effort - no matter what universe you’re writing in.  below the cut are some helpful tips, tricks and advice to remember when attempting to plot with others. if you’ve found this guide useful, please like and/or reblog to spread the word - and hopefully help out others along the way.                               ***a part two will be out next week for admins on how to promote and help your group with plotting. 

                             i. ‘i’m scared of bothering people!’

this is a statement i’ve seen the most often around the rpc - whether it’s from a various text post people reblog, or as an admin who’s been on the receiving end of messages like this. 

it’s important to remember that most of us get a little nervous about reaching out. while writing original pieces or fanfiction can give you some distance between the creating portion and the feedback process, there’s no real space for roleplaying. it’s an instantaneous thing - we put our words out there on the screen, and someone else has to reply to that in some capacity.

whether you’re an extrovert, an introvert or something in between, this can often be the beginning of the end for a lot of roleplayers. maybe  you’ve joined an established group, and it seems like everyone has set dynamics and you don’t want to shake things up. or maybe you’re an indie blog, but you’re too scared to talk to someone you’ve idolized and want to write with. 

the thing is, you can’t expect people to know what you want if you can’t verbalize it yourself. let them know you’re a little nervous ! chances are, they are too. we’re all on this platform trying to do the same thing, and everyone gets nervous about exposing themselves to strangers now and again. ultimately, we put a little piece of ourselves in every character we create, and that can be terrifying to show to people and expect them to accept. but a little effort goes a long way - making the first move can often help build a bridge to someone you might not have otherwise gotten the chance to write with.  you’re going to have to take a risk sometimes. while not everyone is going to be receptive, most people will be. and chances are, if you start with something as simple as “hi, i’d love the chance to write / plot with you,” you’ll be met with an extraordinarily excited new partner. understand that if they don’t, it’s not a bad thing ! some writing styles don’t mesh together, some people have a harder time talking freely than others, and so many of us regularly forget to reply to a message. know that if you’ve put yourself out there, that’s a huge step in the right direction, no matter what comes of it, and next time it’ll be even easier. 

                            ii. come prepared.

this is ultimately where a lot of players fall short. it’s one thing to say ‘let’s plot’, and another thing to do it altogether. you need to have some sort of jumping off point. 

some ideas include: 

a prompt / plot idea. 

this is especially important if it’s a new person you’re trying to interact with. it’s difficult to come up with things on the spot, and if you’re reaching out, you need to have something to reach out with. 

in a group you’ll want to take the time to read their biography / about / wanted connections if they have them listed. it’s a quick way to ensure you have a basis of what they want, and how you and your characters can then fill those needs. 

as an indie / 1x1 see if they have any ‘wanted plots’ or ‘prompts’ tags. check out their ask memes tags. ensure you’ve read their guidelines on both of these, and follow them. while most people have similar rules, you can’t know that for sure unless you’ve read through them. 

questions about their character(s).

everyone adores talking about their own characters - give them an opportunity to let them tell you about theirs! even if they’re playing a canon character, they’ll have their own take on them, with headcanons and quirks and hobbies that might not show up in the specific canon the character comes from. 

use ask memes if you need help coming up with questions - ask memes are extraordinarily helpful when it comes to fleshing out muses for developmental purposes as it is, and while they’re usually made for general tumblr interaction, they can be a great jumping off point for talking specifics. 

don’t be afraid to point out things in their bio / about / etc. this shows that you’ve gone through and read their pages, which shows that you care about them as a person and a character, and not merely another faceclaim. 

talk about your character(s).

it’s always good, especially in a group, to have a small statement of facts about your character. in business, this is called an ‘elevator pitch’ - a few concise sentences that can get someone else interested.

for example, merrick wood is a former cheerleader who would do absolutely anything for her sister, holly, has no real ambitions and loves the weird and supernatural. you can find her swimming, or listening to mix cd’s she makes for her own amusement, or even on the hunt for big foot. this now gives the other player a few things to pick through - what kind of music is she listening to? why is her sister so important to her? is cheerleading still important enough for her to mention it to someone?

                           iii. plotting is a two way street.

the above two points work on the basis that you’ve made the first move - but say you’re the one who’s gotten the message of someone eager to plot with you ! takes a little stress off of your plate, but adds to their own. no matter what, remember that there is a real person on the other side of the screen. be kind, and treat them how you’d want to be treated - even if you’re not interested in writing with them, let them know ! a simple thanks for the message! i’m honored you’re interested in my characters, but at the moment i don’t think we’d be a good fit is enough of a response that most people should leave it at that. if you get a message saying they’re not interested, simply say ‘thank you for replying!’ and move on. as stated above, not everyone will always click - respect people’s boundaries, and understand that you’ll find a new partner in due time. 

responding to plotting messages is as important as creating them; if someone says they want to plot and gives you ideas, play off of them. don’t simply say ‘okay!’ or ‘cool!’ - a habit a lot of people have had over the years. 

                example. if jenny says “i think it would be great if robert could surprise them with flowers,” reply wth “oh how cute!!!” and end there - expand on it, adding your own input - “that’s so cute! denise adores lilacs, and would be flustered to get them from someone she admires so much!”                     the latter sentence gives your partner something to respond to, something to work with, and may just end up being in the thread you write together! 

                          iv. don’t make your admins do all the work.

this section is primarily for group roleplayers. 

your admin(s) already do so much. behind the scenes, there’s constantly updating the main pages, queueing ads, coming up with tasks and events and plot drops to keep players entertained and happy. at the same time, they’re trying to play in the group with you - create their own stories, write their own characters. they should not have to spoon feed you plots. these are things you need to develop on your own and with fellow players. 

               example. in a town rp, and you have a social butterfly character ? throw a birthday party for a character, giving the other characters something to participate in without an official Admin Sponsored Event.                    you should of course ensure the admin is okay with you having ‘events’ like the above for various players, and you need to ensure you’re inclusive in them - don’t ‘throw a party’ and not invite half the group because you don’t want to plot with them. take the time to message players of characters who might not normally show up and figure out something else with them, or a reason why they would be there or even why they wouldn’t! 

                         v. stop bubbling.

at the end of the day, plotting together is the best way to stop bubbling from happening in your group. no one wants to be the player left out of everything - make sure to try and reach out to the others, especially if you think other players may be ignoring them. writing together - in a group, on an indie, anywhere really - is supposed to be fun and challenging and a different experience every time.  before you go to your admins about being left out / ignored, ask yourself if you’ve done the above. have you messaged other players ? asked them about their characters, and given ideas of potential prompts for the two of you to write ? if you have, and you’re still getting ignored, then absolutely talk to your admin team! but try and be proactive instead of reactive and you’d be amazed at how far you can go. 

                                    hopefully this guide will help you - remember, your roleplay experience is ultimately cultivated by yourself. you choose which groups to apply to, which characters to bring, and your attitudes and behaviors can affect your gameplay. being in a group, specifically, is about being a part of a team. become a team player, and you and your characters can find the roleplay family of your dreams  ♡

[higuchimon]

[fanfic] Desired Disobedience:  Chapter 1

He's taking his time.  He enjoys this so much.

Ryou hated Haou.  He hated the monster with every scrap of his dead heart - he didn't even want to use the term 'monster'.  He'd met plenty of monsters who were perfectly decent beings.  But Haou was something more.

Currently Haou lounged across his throne, his eyes half-closed as he listened to a report, one of his hands playing idly with Johan's hair.  Ryou stayed quietly to one side, not that he could do anything else right now.  Haou had ordered him to do that until he was told otherwise.  It had been hours, and he'd not been allowed to move from his position.  He'd already fed earlier, when he'd first awoken, so that wasn't going to be a problem.  At least not yet.  He did need to feed more than once in a night.

"That's enough,"  Haou declared at last, opening his golden eyes.  The one offering the report shut up at once, trembling in fear.  There had been plenty of times where Haou ended a report and disposed of the one who made it, sometimes for no other reason than because he wanted to.  Anyone who tried to protest generally ended up as Ryou's latest meal.

He'd forgotten how many people he'd fed from because Haou ordered it.  Mostly he could find his own meals, but he always had to be ready to feed at a moment's notice.  Haou kept him on that edge of hunger to keep him sharp, or so he said.

Ryou thought he did it just because Haou savored hurting him any way that he could.  Being undead hadn't exactly limited his options.  It only changed his methods from physical to mental and emotional.  Haou excelled at all of those.

But tonight Haou simply waved away the servant and shifted his attention over to Ryou.  The vampire stiffened at once, and at Haou's gesture moved to kneel in front of him. 

"I don't know if you remember this but your anniversary is very soon."  Haou announced.  "Strictly speaking, in one week is the third anniversary of you becoming a vampire."  Those eyes gleamed in the light of the enchanted jewels illuminating the throne room.  Rumor had it he didn't actually need the light to see by.  He was darkness incarnate, after all.  "I think we're going to have a little celebration."

Ryou hadn't even thought about it.  He'd never considered celebrating the day that he'd died and been brought back as Haou's undead slave.  He couldn't remember the last time that he'd wanted to celebrate anything.  But Haou didn't care - there wasn't any reason that he would.  If he could find any way to hurt Ryou, then he would.  Ryou expected it by now.

"Now, the question is, what kind of celebration should we have,"  Haou mused.  He wasn't asking Ryou that directly.  One of the Death Duelists - Skull Bishop - cleared his throat a little and Haou glanced in his direction, eyebrow raised.

"Haou-sama, perhaps we could arrange for a number of rebels to be captured and brought here for Hell Kaiser to feed upon tomorrow night?"  He smirked.  "We might even be able to find his brother."

If blood had still run in Ryou's veins, then it would have run cold. For all the years of the war, Shou had somehow avoided being captured.  Part of Ryou had wondered after his own capture if Shou would make an attempt to get him back.  It was just the kind of thing that Shou would do.  So far if it had ever occurred to his brother, then someone else must have talked him out of it.  He didn't want to see Shou here.  He didn't want to see anyone that he knew here.

"Good idea,"  Haou agreed, lips curving faintly.  "You five go collect some rebels.  Bring them back alive.  Make an effort to find my vampire's brother and bring him in as well.  If you do, treat him with care.  I don't want him harmed – until celebration night."

All five of the Death Duelists bowed at once and withdrew to speak among themselves, making plans for their new mission.  Ryou could hear them, though he doubted anyone else could.  He wished he couldn't.

"Now,"  Haou turned his attention back to Ryou, "as not all of us can survive off of blood, a feast will be prepared.  I quite look forward to the celebration."  His fingers brushed again through Johan's hair and Johan turned his face so he could stare adoringly at the man who'd broken and reshaped him.  "Aren't you?"

His question was addressed to Johan, who nodded quickly.  "I look forward to everything you do, Master,"  he replied, voice pitched low and submissive.  Ryou hated hearing him speak these days, and heard it far more than he would have ever wanted.

"I'll have to ensure Camula is here for this as well,"  Haou mused before he flicked his fingers at Ryou.  "Go keep yourself occupied until dawn.  Only feed enough not to lose yourself. Be ready when the celebration night arrives."  He tapped his fingers for a second.  "And when that time comes, have a present for me."

Ryou could feel his head bowing and he stared down at the floor before Haou. "Yes, Haou-sama.  As you command."  The words came without thought.  He didn't always have to think when he spoke to Haou - or rather, his orders from Camula meant that he couldn't think when Haou gave him a command.  All he could do was obey.

He withdrew from the throne room, pleased at least that he didn't have to watch whatever Haou had in mind to do with Johan.  Everyone knew.  He'd smelled it quite clearly.  Being a vampire enhanced his senses to a ridiculous point.  He didn't like it, but there wasn't anything he could do about it.  All he could do was avoid it to the best of his abilities.

For now that meant going out and getting something to feed on.  Someone, if he were going to be truly accurate about it.  He couldn't feed on any of Haou's forces unless he were told and he didn't want to take the chance on feeding on unknown rebels - most of which were pretty far from Haou's castle if they had the faintest bit of sense.  Which not all of them did.  He would have considered trying to stop the Death Duelists, since he hadn't specifically been ordered not to.  But he knew what would happen if he did, and that wasn't worth the effort. 

Haou only said they should try to bring Shou back.  If Ryou crossed him too much, the order would change to "bring Shou back alive".  And after that - well, he knew exactly what would happen.  At least this way there was the chance that he'd not see his brother before him. 

There were still those who weren't rebels and who didn't serve Haou and there were a few of those who took pleasure in harming others almost as much as Haou did.  It would be at least four hours until dawn, and in that time Ryou could get quite a lot done.  Vampires moved very quickly when the need called.  He kept a sharp eye on all of those people, for those times when he wanted to feed and had no one around the castle he was allowed to feed on.

So now he flitted out, traveling along the quickest route, watching for any signs of others near him.  There were a few, Haou's patrols, but he ignored them and they ignored him.  Everyone in Haou's army knew Haou's vampire on sight.  For years now - three of them in fact - those few who weren't cowed by Haou's habit of murdering people who weren't cowed by him were kept in line by the simple fact they would be Ryou's dinner otherwise.  A few had tried to kill Ryou before they were given to him as a meal.  Haou's standing orders were to drain anyone who attempted to kill him dry.  Those were some of the orders Ryou hated following the most.

Tonight he kept his focus on traveling instead, thinking over who might be the best one of his list of targets to deal with.  He'd had his thoughts on one in particular for a while, so that was where he headed.  This particular scrap of scum had run the realm of Zuspuile from the capital city of Knife's Edge for over two hundred years, and the last Ryou had heard, he possessed quite a few items that could make an adequate gift for Haou.  He didn't know why wanted a gift from him but he would do as he was ordered.

This particular scum knew that Ryou kept an eye on him.  Ryou made no secret of his distaste for all that the fool did, and only the fact he hadn't been ordered kept him at bay for now.  He didn't doubt for a second that his chosen prey knew exactly who and what he was and went out of his way to ensure that Ryou would have a very hard time getting to him.

The closer he got, the more Ryou thought that might be a very amusing way to spend a handful of hours.  He presumed that this one - a dark sorcerer who wasn't much better than Ryou himself, sucking the life out of those who served him - intended to distract him until the sun rose.  An amusing thought. 

The first hint that he received that the dark sorcerer Vail had set up defenses came to him on the wind, with the strong and clear scent of garlic.  Ryou wrinkled his nose.  He knew the traditional weaknesses of a vampire inside and out, and he knew which ones were true and which were false.  Garlic at best could be said to defend against those vampires who had sensitive noses.  Ryou's wasn't as sensitive as all that, so he simply forged onward. 

By now he could see the pale lights of Knife's Edge clear in the darkness.  There were other beings moving around in the shadows of the night.  A little checking showed that each of them carried talismans warded against the undead - which he could destroy easily enough - and sharp stakes - which might be more difficult to deal with but it wasn't impossible.  If this were the level of defense that Vail had, Ryou didn't think he'd have many problems dealing with this.

He avoided all of the guards as he made his way to Vail's stronghold.  Like in most places there were gemstones set that allowed a warm gentle glow of light.  They did make it difficult for him to work his way in since he favored the shadows for traveling. But he managed.  He knew exactly where Vail's personal quarters were, and as he drew closer, he could sense the presence of even more talismans, all of them strongly warded against undead. 

It was almost amusing.  All of this effort and it wouldn't mean anything in the end.  Ryou flitted around until he found what - or who - would serve his purposes.  He didn't like doing this by any means.  The need to feed and the need to follow Haou's orders allowed him few options.

He had already spent a good hour traveling here.  Now he spent another half hour searching until he spied a servant walking out of Vail's quarters with a load of laundry.  A quick sniff told him exactly what the dark sorcerer amused himself with tonight - exactly what Ryou expected. He wrinkled his nose, wishing he could get the stench of garlic out of it.  Had Vail planted an entire garden of it?  It seemed likely.

But that wasn't much to worry about.  Ryou moved onward.  He waited until the servant was far enough out of the building that no one would notice. Then he dropped down behind the servant and closed his fingers on their neck.  The servant stumbled to a halt, pile of clothes tumbling to the ground, and Ryou could hear their heart-rate pounding.

"Keep quiet,"  he murmured softly into the servant's ear.  "I'm not here to hurt you."  Ryou didn't blame servants for taking work where they could.  "Invite me inside.  That's all I want."

"You're here to kill Master Vail, aren't you?  You're - you're the Hell Kaiser.  Haou's vampire."  The servant whispered, fear lacing every word.  "You can't be here.  The garlic - the wards - they're to keep you out!"

Ryou chuckled, though he didn't think it had much amusement to it.  "I know."  He said nothing more than that right now.  "Now, invite me inside."

He hated a lot of things about being a vampire.  If it wasn't the fact of needing to feed on living blood, and being enslaved to Haou, it was that he needed to be invited inside human habitations.  He could toe the line, as he was now, being in the castle itself but in the open areas, those that the public were allowed to enter freely.  He couldn't enter the private areas - where Vail lived - without an invitation.  It was his luck, such as it was, that anyone inviting him in sufficed. 

At first he wasn't certain if the servant would listen.  He could control the minds of others, but he hated doing that to, and he wasn't gong to if he didn't have to.  Fear didn't make it any better, but at least he wasn't actively controlling their mind.  A tiny fraction of him wondered if he were being a hypocrite.  He suspected he might be but didn't worry himself about it.  It was either this or try something else even less ethical to get his necessary sustenance.

But then the servant bent his head quietly.  "Please wait here.  He'll kill me if I don't get his laundry done."

Ryou snorted softly.  He didn't hold good hopes for Vail being alive come dawn, but he could do this much at least.  He shadowed the servant as best he could as the other put the laundry where it needed to go and then started back.  A proper invitation needed to be done from the inside and by someone who did live in the location.  Anyone who lived there could do it, not just the owner of the structure.  Vampire restrictions could be strange and confusing, especially for the vampires.

The servant stepped inside and turned to look at Ryou, hovering there, arms crossed, making certain to keep his fangs visible.  He didn't want his unwilling ally to forget exactly what he was.  "You are welcome here,"  the servant said, stepping aside. "Come and go as you will."

The words varied, but this was enough to allow him inside.  Ryou entered, feeling the same shiver he always did whenever he crossed a new threshold.  The servant quickly departed, probably to spread the word that Vail would soon be deader than dead.  Ryou knew the outside of this place very well and quickly figured out where he needed to go.  The farther he went along, the more he could feel the presence of anti-undead wards and others meant to ward off evil.

I wonder how he can function with those around?  Ryou allowed himself a small smirk at the thought.  From everything he knew, Vail's deeds didn't equal Haou only because he'd never made the actual attempt to do so.  The massive bulk of his centuries had been spent draining the life force of others to sustain his own.  It wasn't much different from being a vampire, except Ryou took the liquid blood and Vail tore out insubstantial life.  Other than that, there wasn't much difference between them on that level.

Ryou wondered if Vail and Haou might even be allies, if Vail had ever approached him.  Probably not.  Haou didn't take kindly to anyone who didn't acknowledge his supremacy.  Vail might have tried, but it would end with his permanent death.  Ryou suspected Haou intended to kill him eventually anyway.  This was just taking care of it sooner.  If Haou didn't want Vail dead, he would have ordered Ryou not to bother him at all.

He found his way through several corridors and rooms - Vail's quarters were actually even larger with Haou's, and Ryou had always thought no one could match Haou for luxury and self-indulgence.  Rich carpets covered the floors and equally rich tapestries hung from the walls.  Wards, charms, and enchanted gems rested everywhere, and Ryou did have to force his way through some of them.  It wasn't as difficult as one might have thought.   Most of them were weak, which made them easier to bypass with only a mild twinge of annoyance.

The first one he encountered that wasn't that weak gave him a breath of pause.  It was set outside what had to be the main chamber of these quarters, most likely where Vail was at that moment.  It hung over the doorway, a circle of pure silver, gleaming bright with enchantments and shining in the moonlight.  Ryou wrinkled his nose at it.  The garlic scent here stung at his nose, covering up the usual scents in such a place, but by now he'd mostly put it out of his mind.  He regarded the ward carefully, nudging it until he had a feel for where the effects started and stopped.  It seemed fairly usual for one of these.  He thought he'd be able to take care of it.

He glanced around the corridor, looking for something that he could use.  No matter how weak, he didn't want to touch a ward, and this one wasn't weak.  He spied a spear in the hands of an ornamental suit of armor and wrenched it out, examining it and the distance up to the ward.  A normal human couldn't have done this.  That wasn't an issue for Ryou.

Carefully he rose up into the air and hovered in front of the ward, his lip curling up at the feel of it.  His stomach churned and he strained to focus his thoughts on what he was doing.  Then he drove the spear directly into the ward with all of his strength, shattering it.  The resistance he'd felt faded, to a degree.  Clearly there were other wards.  He'd have to deal with them before he could move on.  So he carefully moved forward, watching for more of those.  Wards could take any form, but their aura sang out to him regardless.

Wards of every kind appeared every few steps in this final corridors.  Most of them were crafted of silver and all of them were blessed by as many powers as Vail presumably could find.  He could even taste a small bit of the Light of Hope.  That fascinated him; as far as he knew, the avatars of Creation and Hope hadn't been seen in ages.  History said that the land of Hope, Norbu, had fallen in days of old, before Haou or even Ryou himself had been born.  What had been that land was now ruled over by Fallen Angel Desire.

Ryou had met many Fallen Angels by now.  They served as a vital part of Haou's court.  He did rather suspect Lucifer had guessed his true purpose from the moment he'd entered there.  Very little could be slipped by the old angel, who still looked as young as he'd been when he'd rained down destruction on the capital of Hope. 

He knew more about Desire than he would have really wanted if he had the option. Haou called him "uncle" and Desire's apparent standards for those to warm his bed seemed to be more or less "sentient" and most of the time with the basic human shape of two arms, two legs, a head, and a torso.  Wings and tail or possibly even extra heads or arms or legs were also allowed, as was fur.  Willingness didn't enter into it.  The fact he was one of the few to know what Desire looked like without his helmet on didn't make that situation any better. 

He shook his head to disperse the memories, focusing on what lay ahead of him.  Bit by bit he made his way through the corridor, disposing of every ward he could find.  His fangs itched a little; he was expending more energy than taking in, so he was getting a lot hungrier than he thought.  Breaking through the wards took more out of him than he'd thought they would at first.  He didn't =need to breathe for the air, but he did so now to focus himself.

With a mighty lunge he shattered the last of them and strode inside of the final chamber.  Frankly, he had no idea of why Vail set his mansion up like this when it would be so much easier to navigate in any number of other styles.  But that didn't matter now. 

The dark sorcerer lounged across a plush sofa, looking as elegant as he always did.  To anyone who didn't know any better, he looked like a normal human of perhaps thirty or so, with a deep cascade of golden blond hair, eyes as blue as sapphires, flawless skin, a slender figure that showed nothing of how he indulged himself on anything and everything.  He was arrayed in a robe of evening sky blue satin, bound by a golden sash around his waist, and with a ring on every finger.  Each ring shimmered with magic, mostly of the warding type. 

This wasn't what he'd originally looked like.  Vail had worked magic for quite some time to reshape himself into a shape many would ind attractive.  Ryou had seen images of what he looked like in the beginning, and didn't find this much more attractive than the original dark-haired saturnine model.  But there weren't many folk he'd ever seen as attractive in the first place.

"Welcome, Hell Kaiser,"  Vail purred, his voice as soft and dangerous as death.  "I've been expecting you for quite some time."

Ryou only snorted faintly.  "I noticed.  The garlic is growing quite well."

"Why, thank you.  I presume that your master still hasn't ordered you to kill me?"  Vail raised one slender golden eyebrow.  Ryou shook his head.

"I'm here because I chose to be."  A quick smirk crossed his lips.  "I need to bring him a present.  I think you have plenty that I would like to take him.  Starting with your head."

Vail chuckled.  "Come and get it if you want it so badly." 

Ryou didn't trust this.  Vail had never been what one might call sensible.  He'd noticed that while garlic aplenty grew here, as well as uncountable wards, there hadn't been any guards.  He'd killed several of Vail's guards on previous trips here.  Had the sorcerer learned that he couldn't keep Ryou out with them?  Or was this a trap of some kind? 

He breathed in, listening.  There weren't any other heartbeats aside from Vail's.  Not a single scent of anyone who was still there.  Soldiers had a distinctive scent, usually consisting of armor of some kind, and weaponry. There wasn't a sense of any spirits, either.  He did vaguely scent steel of some kind, but he'd seen enough decorative armor in the corridors not to think much of it.  Was Vail trying to cover the scent of whatever protected him?

"Oh, but before you do,"  Vail raised one hand, fingers spread wide, each one gleaming with gemstones and rippling with protective energies. "I would like to demonstrate something I'm sure you'll find fascinating.”

"I highly doubt that."  Ryou hadn't found anything fascinating since his death and rebirth.  It was a little difficult to get strong emotions going now, other than his unending hatred for Haou. That one survived quite nicely.

Vail smiled. The expression didn't look any better than Haou's.  "Even if you don't, I will."  He closed his hand and in that moment, everything changed.  The tapestries on the walls faded away, as did the rugs underneath Ryou's feet.  Where they'd all been there now glowed sigils, shining bright and strong in magic more powerful than almost anything Ryou had ever seen before.  Energy he had no name for wrapped around him, dragging him down to his knees.  If he'd needed to breath, he wouldn't have been able to.  He tried to push himself up but he couldn't move at all, save for the tiniest twitches of his fingers.

He heard footsteps coming towards him.  Vail's hand tucked under his chin and raised it so their eyes met.  The dark sorcerer smiled down at him.

"You never noticed.  You were so busy mocking my 'defenses' that you didn't see what was really there - sigils especially carved and created for you.  Sigils that have one purpose - to keep you trapped so I can do this."

With his free hand he held up a slender collar of beaten silver.  Etched into it were more sigils.  Ryou hadn't put any time in studying magic, but something about it sent chills down his spine. 

"I'm well aware that Camula commanded you to obey only Haou.  I've spent months researching how to overcome that.  This is the result of my work.  I am older than she is.  There's little she can do that I can't find a way around."  Slowly he traced one finger over Ryou's throat.  "You don't have to worry.  I'm going to be a much better master for you than Haou.  In fact, you're not going to object to my first true command to you at all."  Glee rippled through every word he spoke.  "You are going to kill Haou.  Drain every ounce of his blood.  Let him die knowing it's at my hand, with a weapon he forged himself. Then everything he has will be mine."

Ryou couldn't honestly say he wasn't tempted.  But he didn't want to do it like this, not being someone else's slave.  He tried to shake his head, not that he thought that would do any good with how little he could move.  Slowly, clearing savoring every moment, Vail fastened the collar around his neck and clicked the latch closed.

"You're not going to be able to take this off.  I had the sigils crafted so that only someone who has the power of Light in their veins can take it off.  Either Hope or Creation."  Vail chuckled.  "And we all know that neither of those lines exist anymore, don't we."

Ryou found his head bending forward.  The imprisoning sigils hadn't really lessened their hold on him, but the collar seemed to allow for some limited movement.  Not enough so he could snap Vail's neck, unfortunately.  Vail stepped back.

"I don't think I'll release you just yet.  I'm going to enjoy having you here for a little while first.  I want you nice and hungry when you go after Haou so you won't be fed."  He smirked.  "I am terribly sorry for being such a bad host."

One thing that hadn't change about the room was the luxurious couch.  Vail settled himself back on it, before he gestured again.  This time Ryou found himself slowly moving forward.  The sigils' power kept him very slow and unable to do much more than shift himself forward until he all but collapsed beside the couch.  Vail snickered.

"I could release you from the sigils, you know.  But I like seeing you like this."  He tapped his fingertips together and a few moments later, the servant that had let Ryou into the mansion entered.  He didn't so much as look at Ryou, but focused all of his attention on Vail.  "Bring me my celebratory dinner."

"Yes, master."  The servant bowed low then scurried out without a backward glance.  Ryou hadn't expected one, either.  Vail's servants were terrified of him.  They always had been. Vail lounged back, satisfied, and glanced at Ryou.

"You didn't guess.  I told him to let you in.  All of my servants had those orders.  You were mine from the moment you entered my realm"  Vail chuckled, fingers caressing across Ryou's face possessively.  Haou had done the same thing.  This was a sensation Ryou knew very well, and hated very well.  "The only way you could have not fallen into my trap was to not come here at all.  And you'd never do that, would you?"

If he'd had any idea - but he was very used to the ways people tried to protect themselves from vampires and he knew how to deal with most of them.  The garlic and the wards were exactly what he'd expected.  He'd seen them so many times they were almost cliche at this point.  He'd overestimated himself - the same reason he'd fallen prey to Haou once before. He should have learned.  He'd looked forward to draining Vail dry and not being very hungry for the next night's "feasting", just on the faint hope that he'd not have to feed off any rebels that he knew.  Now he'd return hungry and targeted for Haou's blood.

Being undead didn't offer a lot of opportunities to learn.  Ryou determined if he got out of this, he would make a point to try.  His body would never change.  That truly didn't mean his mind couldn't. 

Sigil magic.  It worked well against him; perhaps he could find a way to make it work for him.  And he could make an effort to speak to the spirits that inhabited his deck.  Haou didn't allow him to duel often, but he was allowed to keep the deck.  Perhaps as a mocking memory of what had once been.  Haou was like that. 

It won't work the way Vail thinks it will.  He's protected, even against me.  Not only was Haou powerful enough to defend himself in his own right, there were the Death Duelists, Dark General Freed, the Fallen Angels - especially their leader Lucifer.  Ryou had seen them all battle in many different forms since he'd first entered Haou's service in that failed attempt to free Johan.  He knew what they could do and what they would do.  Not to mention, despite what Vail said about who could remove the collar, Ryou wouldn't be surprised if Haou would tear it off him anyway.  He was the incarnation of Destruction, and he'd tipped the balance of power in the world from life to death.  There wasn't much that he couldn't do if he chose to do it.

What worried him far more was what Haou might do to him because of this.  Haou wasn't the type to make a fair and honest judgment.  But he knew he'd find out far too soon what Haou would do because of this.

To Be Continued

Notes: I thoroughly enjoyed writing this. I hope you enoyed reading it! Next chapter next week!

[mythologyfolklore]

Baldr in Hel - Ch. 02

(A/N: This contains Baldr having a mental breakdown and also a brief discussion about when an unborn baby gets a soul. There is also a cameo of foreign underworld gods.)

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Baldr's POV

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It had been two days since he had arrived.

At least he thought so.

The underworld sun never set and the UV-A light¹ bathed the entirety of Niflheimr and Helheimr in permanent ghostly twilight. There was no day-night cycle. It seemed to Baldr, like time stood still in this murky, chilly world.

Fortunately the Bright One had quickly figured out, that Hel had a rigid schedule he could orientate himself on.

The meals played a big part: there was a warm and simple breakfast for the Queen of the Dead (and for him, since he had a seat of honour at her table), an opulent lunch and a warm, but light dinner (Hel had told him, that it was better not to eat too much in the evening).

Baldr didn't believe, that the ingredients for the food were home-grown; that was impossible around here. But he didn't dare ask, where they came from.

Hel also had the habit of getting up early, earlier than Baldr was used to. Perhaps it was because his habit was to rise with the sun, or maybe it was the black light of the underworld sun, which made him feel like he was woken up earlier than usual.

Hel's two personal servants, Ganglöt and Ganglati, worked rather slowly (no surprise with how elderly they were) and Hel had advised him to make requests at least an hour in advance, whenever he wanted something.

Baldr had also learned quickly, that Hel was rather morbid, when it came to naming things.

Apart from her gargantuan palace, Éljúðnir, her own bed was named Kór (sickbed), its curtains Blikjandabol (gleaming bale), her table was named Hungr (hunger), her knife Sultr (starvation).

(“Why do you give your possessions such dark names?”

“Why not?”

Later he had learned from her manservant Ganglati, that her gallows humour – which she clearly had got from her father – was her way of coping with her ruined youth.)

And last but not least …

“Uhm, Hel? May I ask you something?”

“Certainly.”

“Why is there a pitfall in front of your audience hall?”

“Oh, you mean Fallandaforað²? That's my threshold.”

Threshold???

“It sorts out anyone who has malicious intent and or is guilty of hubris.”

Now Baldr was even more confused. “Uhm … could you elaborate please?”

“Alright: every soul has an individual signature, made up of character, memories, thoughts and good or bad deeds they have done in life. Over the chasm of my threshold goes an invisible magical film. Most people are able to cross it, no problem. The really bad ones stumble over invisible obstacles, but they get across. But those guilty of hubris or ill intent fall into the chasm. Their punishment is to be lost forever in the deepest and darkest pits of Niflhel.”

Baldr felt a cold shiver run down his spine.

Hel's emotionless tone and face hadn't made her explanation any less scary. Neither did her sudden changed of disposition, when she suggested talking about something more pleasant.

When he asked her personal servants about it, Ganglati, her elderly butler, just laughed: “Well, that's how our queen is. She's very changeable, both in appearance and in demeanour. If she has a blank expression all the time, well, that's just Hel being Hel. But here's a tip; if you want to get a hint on how she's feeling, pay close attention to the state of her left half. The worse her mood is, the more decayed her face is. But if she's happy, it looks just as lively and beautiful as the right side of her body.”

The light god tilted his head in interest. “Is that so?”

“Mhm.”

“You two must have known her for a long time.”

Ganglati nodded affirmatively. “Oh yes. We were already long here, when she came here as a young thing. Such a frightened, poor little lass she was. Such a burden on the shoulder of a ten-year-old. It took her a while to grow into her new role, but we were there through all of it, Ganglöt and I.”

Compassion struck Baldr with an intensity he hadn't felt in quite a while (and he was quite a compassionate person, a “bleeding heart”, as Loki had called it scornfully).

The things this woman must have gone through!

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Hel's POV

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Hel allowed Baldr to roam through the castle, so that he could get used to it (among other reasons).

The Bright One was curious and once he got over his initial apprehension, he asked her a lot of questions, which made her really happy. He was genuinely interested in her place.

Maybe it was selfish, but she would have been a fool, if she hadn't been grateful for this indeed very special revenge kill/“birthday gift” from her father.

Her life wasn't boring per se, just … repetitive. Always the paper work and the soul judging.

Well, at least the upside of the latter was the soul reading. Whatever the soul had experienced, she knew it, their memories, their wishes and hopes, their deepest secrets – some of which even the persons themselves didn't know – and of course their silly little mishaps.

Sometimes being a death goddess could be really fun.

She always had a story to tell and a friend from Hellas had given her the idea to write those stories down. Now she had to employ thousands of librarians to administrate the nigh infinite amount of media in her Halls of Knowledge. But hey, the dead might as well make themselves useful.

Hel was quite sure, that Baldr would be dying to see them, once he found out about them. Maybe she would have to drag him out of there; reading his soul had revealed, that he loved stories and reading.

One thing was for sure: he was really curious about the little light that floated about the hallways of the entire castle. Once Hel was showing him the halls he was going to inhabit, once the problems were fixed, when Baldr caught one of the little lights in his hand. The next moment he yelped, let go and the light quickly escaped.

“It bit me!”, he exclaimed in shock. Hel took a look at his hand. There was no blood, but one of his fingers had a visible bite mark.

She smiled lopsidedly. “You have to excuse them. They panic easily and when they panic, they bite.”

“What are they anyway?”, Baldr asked. “I've been wondering for a while.”

“These, Baldr, are the souls of stillborn children”, Hel revealed. “Babies, who just transformed from a bunch of cells to living, sentient beings, who just gained a soul – only to lose this spark of light almost immediately, before they could even see the world and take their first breath. Some of them had already been born, when they died – usually of sickness, or because they were considered weak and were abandoned. So they're as confused and upset as babies can be.”

Baldr looked pained. “That's awful”, he whispered.

“It is”, Hel agreed. Then she hummed a little melody and the baby souls gathered around her head and hands, including the one that had bitten Baldr's finger.

“Hello, children”, she greeted them. “How are you today? Are you playing nicely?”

Their answer was a barely audible hum, a chorus of susurrated words only she could hear. The tiniest of them (the little finger biter) nuzzled her right cheek.

“Hey there, sweetie”, Hel smiled. “I see, you're growing teeth.”

She turned to Baldr. “Come here, Óðinnson. This little soul wants to tell you something. But pay very close attention and keep your voice down; the souls of the stillborn have the faintest voices and are most sensitive to noise.”

Baldr approached and hesitantly opened his hand. The tiny soul floated onto it, then up his arm and onto his shoulder, right next to his left ear. His eyes widened in evident surprise, as the soul whispered something into his ear. But then he smiled and whispered back, that it was okay.

The soul nuzzled his cheek too and made a humming sound, which prompted the other souls to float over and orbit around the glowing god.

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Baldr's POV

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Baldr wasn't quite sure, what to do, but at least the souls seemed comfortable around him, so that was a good thing. Hel seemed pleased at the sight.

“Are they attracted to my light?”, he asked softly.

“Oh yes. As I said before, most of these children have never seen the light of day, but some have. The big one on your hand, that's Ragnar. He died at the age of three and is the oldest of the group. He just told the little ones, that your face shines like the sun. So they're really excited. They had no idea the sun was so bright, warm and beautiful.”

“Oh”, he breathed and his cheeks reddened considerably (seriously, what was that with all the blushing lately?).

Some of the souls made a noise that sounded suspiciously like giggling.

Of course this wasn't the first time, that someone likened Baldr's brightness and fairness to the sun, but to him it meant so much more, when it came from a child.

“I agree”, Hel responded to his process of thought. “It does mean a lot more from a small child. They don't say these things to flatter or to be poetic or romantic, but because to them it's a simple truth.” She smiled. “Look at them, they really like you! They orbit around you like planets! Seems like you're called 'The Beloved' for a reason. Even the dead love you.”

These words made him glow a little brighter with joy. “I'm glad”, he said gently.

They stayed there for a while, before continuing their tour, leaving the souls to play.

After walking for a while, Hel asked her companion: “What's the matter? You're so silent.”

“Just wondering, that's all”, Baldr mumbled. “When does a being get a soul?”

“Hm, I think it's an ethical or philosophical question”, Hel mused. “Some say, it's at the moment of conception, some say it's at birth. But to me, it's the moment, when their tiny little organs start working; the moment they become viable.”

“Why can the souls talk?”

“Unlike their mortal shells, souls have a voice, mind and conscience from the moment they spring into existence. Even if the creatures themselves can't speak, their souls can. And if you can hear the soul inside a creature, you can understand them. You can read them like books.”

“Like you can?”, Baldr asked.

“Yes and no. I can only read the dead. The living are an enigma to me”, Hel admitted. “That's one of the reasons I prefer the company of ghosts. Another being the way the living look at me. The horror, fear and disgust in their eyes … I hated going outside in Jötunheimr.”

He gasped: “Your own kind was afraid of you?!”

“Yes. We led an isolated life deep in the Járnviðr. But sometimes mother would have to travel to the next settlement for groceries and then she would take us along, because she couldn't leave us alone at home. But it's not fun to go outside, only to be called a 'monster' a 'freak', or other charming things like that.”

Baldr felt his heart crack.

This wasn't right. She didn't deserve this.

Unable to stop himself, he took her hand.

“I don't think you're a monster or a freak”, he spoke softly.

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Hel's POV

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Hel felt a blush rise to both of her cheeks and for the first time in quite a while, her left side turned lively.

“You don't?”, she asked

The dead god shook his head vehemently: “Absolutely not! They were fools for not seeing your magnificence!”

Her blush intensified and she couldn't help but smile.

“Thank you, Baldr. That means a lot to me.”

Of course it didn't escape her, that her apparent joy made him happy in return.

Oh Baldr, you sweet and messed up summer child.

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A few hours later, at the lunch table, he thought of another question.

“Hel, can I ask you something?”

“Of course you can.”

“Uhm … do you come after your mother? I mean, you definitely have Loki's wit and gallows humour, but except for that, I don't see much of a resemblance between you and him.”

Hel smirked.

Baldr giggled: “Okay, scratch that. That is definitely a Loki-smirk.

“Why, thank you!”, the Queen of the Dead snickered. “I'll take that as a compliment. But to answer your question: yes, I do come more after my mother – at least on the good side.”

By his curious eyes she could tell, that he wanted to know more, but was afraid to ask.

“Go on”, she encouraged him.

He fidgeted a little. “Your mother … what was she like?”

Hel tilted her head. “Why did you hesitate to ask me that?”

“W-well … I thought … I …”

“That it would hurt me to be reminded of her?”

“Y-yes.”

“It doesn't”, she assured him. “I like remembering my mother. She was the most unimpressed person you could ever meet. Very outspoken too, though she didn't talk much. She didn't smile much, but never got angry either. She would teach us her magic and all kinds of runes and spells. Mother didn't play with us, that was father's job. But sometimes she would do something sweet. Small gestures here and there. When I was a little girl, I asked my mother for bells to play with. She said no, but on Yule I found them in my Yule bag. It was father, who gave them to me, but he whispered into my ear, that it had been mother's doing. 'But that's a secret, sweetie', he said, 'Don't tell Mama I told you'. These …” She took the scythe, which was leaning against the table and shook it, making the bells ring, “… are the very same bells. They're my most priced possession.”

Baldr was smiling from ear to ear. “That's such a sweet story! You and your family must have been so close.”

“We still are”, Hel corrected. “We always were, always are and always will be. I'm sure that as an Ása you know that kind of love. During my brief stay in Asgard I could tell, that your family is a very tight-knit group.”

He clearly understood.

“I want you to understand, Baldr, that it doesn't upset me to talk about my family. I have nothing but fond memories of them. What upsets me is what your family did to us. My brothers and I, we were only children, when your father tore us apart. I do not truly hate Óðinn, because I know and understand, why does what he does. Still he hurt us and for that I resent him.”

Baldr nodded sadly. “I think I do understand. You're a strong person to not hate my father.”

Hel sighed: “I wouldn't call it strong. It's not so much strong as it is wise. It's the sensible thing to do. Hatred doesn't resolve anything. It just makes you more miserable, blackens your soul and clouds your judgement. My father is the hateful, vindictive one.”

“Can confirm”, Baldr said wryly and pointed to where he had been pierced by the mistletoe dart.

Right that moment, the waiters came in and brought lunch.

When Baldr saw the content of his bowl, his face brightened up.

“Ohhh, girolle stew with mussels!”, he squealed in delight.

Hel chortled, as the light god proceeded to practically inhale his food.

“You certainly have a healthy appetite!”, she snickered.

Baldr laughed sheepishly: “Yeah, Nanna would say that too. She used to joke, that, if we weren't so rich, I would eat us out of house and home.”

Hel snickered some more: “Don't you worry, Bright One. There is no danger of that happening. You can eat as much as you want.”

The blond beamed and refilled his bowl.

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Later Hel was sitting in her office doing her paperwork and making zoom calls.

She was on the call with a few of her foreign colleagues, when a knock on her office door got her attention.

“Wait a second, guys, someone just knocked on my office – ENTER!”, she called out to whoever was waiting outside.

She was a little surprised, when the door opened to reveal …

“Baldr! What can I do for you?”, Hel inquired.

He was smiling sweetly – primordial cow, it looked so cute!

“Hi, I just wanted to- oh, wait, I see you're busy”, he noted sheepishly. “I'm sorry. I'll just come back later-”

“Don't be silly! Come here, Óðinnson!”, she ordered.

.

Baldr's POV

.

Baldr obeyed, albeit hesitantly.

“Come”, she repeated. “I want you to meet my colleagues from abroad.”

He joined her behind the magical screens and saw the faces inside them.

“Everyone”, Hel addressed her colleagues, “I want you to meet my new companion. This is-”

“Baldr!”, one of the other underworld rulers exclaimed and waved behind their screen. “What a surprise! Hi!”

Baldr recognised the other and beamed. “Oh, hey, Persephone!”

Hel blinked: “You two know each other?”

Baldr nodded. “Yes, I've met her a few times, when my family and I would visit the Olympians for business-”

“So this is the dead god you're hosting now?”, one of the other zoom call participants asked. “I've heard of some god dying and entering your realm.”

“Yes, this is him”, Hel confirmed. “Baldr, this is Osiris, son of Nut and Geb. He's the king of the Egyptian underworld and very much like you. Osiris, this is Baldr Óðinnson, formerly the god of light, peace, joy, justice, spring and all that stuff – which should be obvious by the way he glows.”

Some of the foreign chthonic deities laughed.

Curiously Baldr regarded the Egyptian god. Through the screen he could tell that the other had green skin, was clad in white linen and wearing a white crown.

“So you died too?”

“Yes, no thanks to my brother Seth”, Osiris sighed. “My wife and some helpers sewed me back together and resurrected me. But since I was already dead, I couldn't return to the land of the living, so here I am, ruling the afterlife. But it's a nice gig and I'm comfortable here. I'm sure, you will like living with Hel too. Once you get used to her aloof demeanour, you will find, that she's a very likeable person.”

“Oh, I do!”, Baldr agreed eagerly. “I really like it here!”

He couldn't help but laugh, when Hel gawked at him like he had just grown a second head.

“What's so funny?”, Hel complained, “This is the first time I hear that sentence!”

Baldr gasped: “What??? Well, then I will have to tell you more often, because it's true!”

He was very pleased with himself, when the left side of Hel's face turned significantly more lifelike (though she was still deathly pale) and a blush tainted her right cheek.

That means she's happy, right? According to Ganglati, that means she's happy.

“Awww!”, some of the foreign underworld rulers cooed.

“So cute!”, Persephone gushed.

“Does anyone have something of importance to say, before I end this conference?”, one of the participants – a skeletal god with a splendid, colourful feather crown – asked.

Everyone else said no.

“Good. The meeting is over.”

Hel lost no time in switching her screens off.

Baldr gave her a questioning look. “Not even so much as a goodbye?”

“Not among us underworld gods”, she muttered. “Besides, I don't need to hear their gossiping. In that regard many chthonic deities are just as bad as most upperworld deities.”

Ah. No wonder she wanted to get away as quickly as possible.

“They're going to ship us, aren't they?”, he sighed.

“Like GodEx”, she grumbled. “Especially the married ones. You have to excuse them. Every time they suspect that one of us singles has even so much as a crush, they get all … stupid.”

“Ah. Yes, I've been there.”

“I know you have. By the way, you can sit down.”

Baldr smiled gratefully and sat on the chair in front of Hel's desk.

She leaned back in her own chair and regarded him across the table.

“So! What brings you here?”, she wanted to know.

He shifted in his chair.

For a few minutes he had forgot about what he had come here for, but now he was reminded. He had just wanted to … wanted to – oh Allfather, what had he been thinking? She was the Queen of the Dead, she had so many better and more important things to do than listen to his stupid-

“Go on. Spit it out.”

“I … I just … I …”

He grew pale, when he saw how the left half of her face decayed again and she began to frown. He was displeasing her. She was getting agitated, just because he couldn't even … damn it!

And just like that he broke into tears.

“I'm sorry!”, he blubbered, “I'm sorry! I didn't mean to- I'm sorry! I'm sorry!”

Through the blur he could just about make out Hel leaping up and darting around the table, then her right hand cupping his face and the other dabbing at his eyes with a paper tissue.

“Hey now.” Her voice was so gentle. “There is nothing to say sorry for. You don't owe me an apology. You don't owe me anything.”

“But … but …”

“Listen to me, Baldr”, she spoke sternly. “You don't have to please me. You don't have to live up to my expectations. I expect nothing of you. You don't have to put on a false smile and pretend that everything is fine, when it's really not. I know everything, Baldr. I saw the hurt, anxiety and depression, that broke you to the point where you wanted to die. I saw the lone moments, when you sought comfort in your twin's arms, because the pressure was too much to bear. But you know what? It's gone now. You're dead. You're free. Just let go.”

Let go.

Only one person had ever told him that in his life: Höðr, his dear twin-brother. No one else had ever understood.

In his beauty, purity and wisdom, Baldr appeared to be perfect.

He was not.

Blinded by admiration or envy, the people, who flocked around him, forgot that he too had his shortcomings. Höðr had been the only one, who had never forgot, had never expected anything of him. And now there was another person, who asked nothing of him either, who understood his feelings?

Baldr cried harder. He couldn't help it.

For a second he was confused, when Hel moved to take him in her arms, only to stop short. But then she shifted and let him lean into her right shoulder, instead of the left. Honestly, Baldr wouldn't have given a damn, he just wanted to be held, to cry his heart out and be told that everything was alright now.

This was wrong, because he was just one of many dead people and she was his new queen and sovereign. It was undignified and improper, downright insulting and disrespectful even, to get emotional in front of a monarch.

But for some reason Baldr couldn't bring himself to care.

He just drank in the physical closeness and Hel's soothing and placid aura and listened to her murmured words of comfort.

.

“Are you feeling a bit better?”, Hel asked, when he had finally stopped crying.

He nodded, sniffling. “Yeah … I think so. Thank you so much. I really needed that, I suppose.”

“No need to thank me”, she replied and handed him a jug of water. “Just know that, whenever you need someone to talk to, I'm all ears- uhhh, Baldr, why are you pouting like that?”

“Why are you wearing your hair like that?”, he all but huffed. “You haven't done that since Nanna saw your face and couldn't stand looking at it.”

She had brushed her black hair forward to hide the decayed part of her face and for some reason that bothered him even more now than it had a few days ago.

Hel made her “owl face”, tilting her head and looking at him with that bottomless black eye.

But it soon gave way to her usual blank expression.

.

Hel's POV

.

“Can you stand looking at it?”, Hel questioned earnestly. “Your breakdown happened after you saw how my condition worsened. You saw my face decay and flipped out.”

Baldr blushed and mumbled: “Uhm … it wasn't because of that. You see, I noticed that your left side changes condition and your butler explained to me, that it's affected by your mood. So when that happened earlier and you started frowning, I … I thought …”

“That you had displeased or even angered me”, Hel realised. “I see. Looks like I owe you an apology. I didn't mean to frighten you. I was getting impatient, because of your stuttering, yes, but angry? No. How could I ever be angry at someone like you?”

She flashed him a half smile.

For the first time in his life, Baldr acted on impulse: he brushed her hair out of the left half of her face and tucked it behind her ear.

“That's better”, he smiled.

It took her a heroic amount of self-control not to blush again, like a flustered teenager (Niflheimr, she was thousands of years old and had never once gotten flustered before Baldr had showed up!).

But damn, he's so adorable!

She coughed awkwardly and returned to her chair behind her desk.

“Now, that you have calmed down, what did you want to talk about?”

Baldr blinked, as if he had forgot.

But then he laughed: “Oh, right! I just wanted to know, if we could talk more about our families, you and I. If you want to and have time, of course.”

She could feel her left side become more lifelike, enabling her to smile fully.

“I would very much like that, Óðinnson.”

.

---

.

1) Ultraviolet-A light. The proper term for black light. As a god of light, Baldr would know everything about light and the different spectra and would probably say UV-A light, rather than black light. 2) Fallandaforað: "Falling Bale/Falling Danger", Hel's threshold.

[despairforme]

[Gladiolus, Iris, Lavender or just pick one x3 ]

   ASK MEME ; 𝐁𝐎𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐋 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒 . ( accepting! ) gladiolus: describe a moment from your muse’s life that they will never forget. iris: if your muse could convey one last message to someone they have lost or left behind, what would it be? lavender: how easy is it to gain your muse’s trust? once their trust is broken, how might one go about mending it?

     Nnoitra’s memory was not the best, and yet - there were MANY moments in his life he would never forget. Most of them he WANTED to forget. FUCK how different everything would’ve been for him if he could just erase his memories. Upon being asked to describe a moment he would never forget, the FIRST one that presented itself to him was the day he had tried to kill Grimmjow. He immediately shut it down by thinking about something else. Anything at all. He had only ever told one other person about that day, and he wasn’t about to spill his guts here. The next thing he thought about was the day he had been reunited with Grimmjow, after thinking he was dead for seven years. That was certainly unforgettable, and it was, to this day, the BEST day in his life. It was very personal though, so he didn’t really want to describe it to anyone.

     What other days or moments would he never forget? The day he met Kyota... The day him and Grimmjow decided to start dating. His birthday, that year Grimmjow had gotten him the apartment and they moved in together. The day he lost his eye. The first time he saw his face after getting shot. The day Grimmjow overdozed. The day he slit his wrists. There were a lot of moments in his life. Both good and bad. He wasn’t going to unload some heavy shit here though, and neither was he going to talk about something sappy. In the end he decided on something that wasn’t so traumatic for him.

     ❝ Losin’ my eye ain’t somethin I’m gonna ‘fer’get. ❞ He started, a vague hand gesture being made towards his large eyepatch. ❝ I got stabbed in it ‘da last year ‘a High School, right before ‘da end exams. I was just headin’ home ‘ta do some homework, ‘n some dude I had had a fight with a couple ‘a days earlier had brought all’a his buddies with him. That fuckin’ pussy needed ‘ta fight me six-on-one. ❞ He remembered it all, even with how much time had passed since then. To others, losing an eye might sound like a very traumatic experience, but to Nnoitra... It hadn’t really been. Well, IN THE MOMENT it had been fucking horrible. He remembered the pain. The reason why Nnoitra didn’t consider it ‘ traumatic ‘ was because of how he had felt afterwards. He had truly felt like he had deserved it.

     It was about a year after he had tried to kill Grimmjow ( and at that point in them, he thought he had succeeded, it was only six years later that he learned that Grimmjow was still alive ). He had decided to get his life together again, and had gone back to school. He was working really hard to try and pass his exams, while keeping a part-time job to pay for his shitty living conditions. It had been a lot for him to deal with, but he had coped fairly well. He had felt like he was going somewhere in life. AND THEN - as if HEAVEN wanted to show him that he was mistaken, he had lost his eye. It had been the ultimate proof to him that he didn’t deserve to live a normal, ‘ happy ‘ life. He hadn’t been traumatized. He had only gotten what he deserved.

     ❝ ‘N yeah, they held me down ‘n stabbed me in ‘da eye. ❞ Actually the knife had missed the eye first, and hit his brow, before it was brought down through the eye. It had been one of THE most ( physically ) painful things in his life. He remembered the sound of the six guys BOLTING away from the scene of the crime. He remembered his knees digging into the gravel on the ground, and how both his hands had grasped at the bleeding wound on his face. He knew he had thrown up too, at some point. What he didn’t fully remember was how the FUCK he had made it back to his apartment. Because no - he hadn’t gone to the hospital like he should have. He had gone home and stopped the bleeding ( more or less ). If he had gone to the hospital, he could’ve saved himself a lot of trouble. But... Already at that time, he had felt like he deserved to suffer, and so he hadn’t gone to see a doctor. Him taking care of the wound himself had not been very successful, and an infection had developed. If there had been any hopes of saving any eyesight, the infection killed that. The knife must’ve been dirty or something, because Nnoitra’s face started to rot. It was why the scar that was left behind was so large, and why he wore such a big eyepatch. The infection had spread out from the wound, down to his cheekbone.

     He had gotten terribly sick and weak from the infection. Having his face rot was very painful. He had felt helpless and afraid, and that’s when he had tried to get in contact with his mother, only to learn that she was dead. It was the last straw for him, and he had just given up. Eventually he was brought to the hospital where they managed to save the rest of his face. A very roughly textured scar remained as proof of what had happened. Of course, it looked a LOT different now, after Nnoitra got shot in the head. But yeah. That was how he had lost the sight in his left eye.

     With an index finger, he rubbed his cheek, just beneath the fabric of his eyepatch. Now that he was used to it, having one eye wasn’t that terrible. It had meant he had to give up on playing basketball though, which sucked... Oh, and he couldn’t watch 3D movies. Other than that? Not that big of a deal.

     ❝ ‘Da only person I’ve lost ‘s my mom. ❞ Moving onto the next question. He knew exactly what he would say to her if he could get to give her ONE final message. It stood between ‘ sorry ‘ and ‘ thank you ‘, and he chose the latter. ❝ I’d tell her thanks. ‘Fer everythin’ she did ‘fer me. I was a real fuckin’ shitty brat, ‘n couldn’t see how hard she worked ‘ta take care ‘a me. ❞ It wasn’t often that Nnoitra thanked anyone for anything. The word ‘ thanks ‘ somehow always got stuck in his throat. But his mother? HE WANTED TO THANK HER. She was dead, and ( hopefully ) in Heaven, so he was never going to see her again. When he died, he knew he was going to Hell. He just really wished he could’ve thanked her for her hard work. She might not have given him any affection, and Nnoitra doubted that she had ever loved him, but she HAD kept food on the table, and a roof over their heads. She had saved money so that he could get an education... Yeah, she had been a good mother, and he an unworthy son. Hardly surprising, considering what sort of FUCKED UP person he was - and always had been, ever since he was a kid.

     ❝ ‘N ‘bout my trust... ❞ The final question. He paused, thinking about it for a moment, before he continued. ❝ I hardly trust nobody, ‘n if ya fuck me over, I ain’t never gonna trust yer ass again, ‘n ya can fuck off with yer cunt face. ❞ Yeah, this was an easy one. In general, Nnoitra had an act for distrusting people. He didn’t believe anyone could be kind to him without a reason. The exceptions being his friends ( at least the close ones like Melody and Emil ). Oh, and of course he trusted Grimmjow. That man had never given him a reason not to. Despite the fact that Nnoitra himself had received plenty of second ( and third and fourth and fifth ) chances, he didn’t believe in giving other people a second chance. If they fucked him over once, then he was sure they’d do it again, and he’d rather not deal with that shit. It was hypocritical of him, since he NEEDED to get multiple chances if he was to have anyone at all in his life. He fucked up a lot. 

[hqolympia]

chicago’s very own 𝐎𝐋𝐘𝐌𝐏𝐈𝐀 𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐕𝐄 has been spotted on madison avenue driving a chevrolet corvette z06 , welcome ! your resemblance to 𝒃𝒂𝒓𝒃𝒂𝒓𝒂 𝒑𝒂𝒍𝒗𝒊𝒏 is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your 𝒕𝒘𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒓𝒅 birthday bash . your chance of surviving new york is uncertain because you’re 𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒄𝒊𝒔𝒊𝒗𝒆 , but being 𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒆 might help you . i think being a 𝒈𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒊 explains that .  3 things that would paint a better picture of you would be 𝐦𝐢𝐝𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐝𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐨𝐰𝐧 ,  𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐨𝐩 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐳𝐞 𝐨𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐤𝐢𝐧 & 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐟𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐭 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 . 

hi ,  peachy !  my  name’s  char  &  that  smile  of  yours  is  making  my  heart  melt !  🥺 allow  me  to  introduce  u  to  my  fren  over  here !

full name :  olympia  giselle  hargrove

nickname :  oly ,  pia  (tho, the latter one is reserved for her grandmother)

date of birth :  may  22nd , 1997  (23) 

birth place :  chicago , il

sexual orientation : pansexual

occupation :  competitive diver

labels :  the  crimson  /  the  icarian

𝐢.  𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

one :  picture a little girl with bright blue eyes, pigtails bouncing with every step she takes as a grin makes its way upon her face . she seems happy ---- and in the moment she truly is, despite the fact that the people she needs the most, her parents, are a few thousand miles away and aren’t here to see olympia say her first words or take her first step. she is too young to understand --- honestly, too young to even think about the reasons why they left her.

two :  she is a little bit older now, a full-on eleven years old --- taller, thinner and, most importantly, rowdier. she has quite a few friends, although they all seem to be having picnics with their barbie dolls and sleepovers dedicated to watching princess movies whereas olympia wants to run around and jump all over the place. the girls just don’t seem to match her energy, the boys aren’t exactly welcoming towards her, having this stupid, “ew, but you’re a girl!” mindset. she just wants to find something for herself, something that will keep her interested for longer than three hours ---- that something turned out to be diving.

three :  it’s a few years later, and now she’s standing at the 10m platform. it’s her last dive, and she needs to get it exactly right to win the gold medal. olympia would honestly be lying if she said her legs weren’t shaking because of how nervous she was --- but there’s a camera right in front of her face, therefore she has to keep it together. she turns around, takes one last breath, and then she’s up in the air. fifteen seconds later she’s fully submerged into water ----- and fifteen minutes later she has tears coming out of her eyes. she did it. she’s the world champion now.

four : it’s exactly a year later, and a lot has changed. olympia finds herself in the sunny city of rio de janeiro where she’s come to compete in her first olympic games --- which is exactly what she’s always been meant to do, judging by the name her parents gave her. except this time she’s nervous for an entirely different reason --- she’s now a successful athlete, this season’s leader and the one to watch out for. she’s the reigning world champion, for god’s sake, so she has to prove every single person out there she didn’t win on an accident. a lot of things seem to be going wrong; from oly flubbing her first dive to her coach coming up to her before her final one to say that her parents have showed up at the arena. eventually she finds herself in the same exact position as she did back in Russia ---- her palms are sweating, her legs are shaking, but there’s no turning back. the only way is down, so she has to dive one way or another. a jump, two somersaults, a twist ----- she’s back in the pool, and as she immediately drowns in the roar coming from the audience, tears start coming out of her eyes. she did it again. she’s lived up to her name.

five :  ever since she got back home, her life has completely changed. interview after interview, a campaign after a photoshoot, an event after the other ---- all of that mixed in with her training routine has it ups and downs. her schedule keeps her busy yet there’s something missing. she’s looking everywhere in the hopes of finding that missing piece, and at some point she feels like she’s found it in the face of a stranger who ends up in her bed that night. it brings her a sense of serenity, that lasts a few weeks ---- but olympia knows it’s all too good to be true, and it’s proven to be that way as she stumbles upon a certain page on a random night. it doesn’t seem real at first, but when she spots a tattoo on the girl’s ribcage, a realization hits her ---- she’s plastered all over porn sites, and that particular video featuring her has generated a few million views in a span of two months. she doesn’t remember the night at first due to her drunken state, but she recognizes her bedroom, particularly a personalized louis vuitton gym bag sitting in the corner. details like that help her piece the night together, and from that point on there’s nothing but fear of it all coming out and ruining her career.

𝐢𝐢.  𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀

basically ! this intro is all over the place so here are some bullet points to get u up to speed !

oly was born in chicago but grew up and spent most of her time in toronto with her grandmother, since her parents were setting up their business overseas. they were coming by to visit her maybe once or twice a year, so she isn’t as close with them.

she is a competitive diver (a quite decorated one bc .... why wouldn’t she be 🥺🥺🥺)  representing canada bc of her upbringing despite the fact that she now lives in new york (she moved here in 2017, after the rio olympics)

astrology wise, she is a gemini sun cancer rising .... so sorry to all of u for this

her placements mean that she is quite creative, capricious and may appear manic sometimes --- but really she is just downright STUPID bc she is always trying to get her ass into trouble. like, you can’t even imagine how many times her coach had to drag her out of the mess she got herself into ... 

she is very much about having sympathy for others and helping them and whatnot, but unbeknownst to her, these tendencies can be explained by the “keep your friends close and your enemies closer” mindset. she has to keep her act straight, so getting onto someone’s bad side isn’t in the cards for her --- god knows what kind of shit she may end up in now that she’s a part of ... this world of glamour and fame, u kno?

olympia also really loves to talk, preach, argue --- just do whatever to be heard

in her free time (the time when she doesn’t feel like wreaking havoc tbh) she usually cooks deserts (vegan banana pudding? blackberry sorbet? key lime cheesecake? u want it, u got it!), reads books (painted veil by somerset is her ultimate FAV) and ... drives around town whilst listening to some cheesy music 🥺 

other than that her usual routine consists of training, clubbing and messing shit up due to the chaotic stupid personality !

𝐢𝐢𝐢.  𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒

i promise this intro won’t be that long ... after this ! 🤠🤠🤠these are just the few ideas i can get off the top of my head so ... there’s always room for brainstorming ! :-)

𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐓 𝐂𝐑𝐎𝐖𝐃 / close friends --- everybody needs some sort of a support system in their life, and oly is no exception to this rule. she’s never really had a big family, therefore she’s always surrounded herself with people in the hopes of filling the empty space in her heart. and honestly, if it wasn’t for these people, she would’ve quit diving right after winning the olympics, moved to the suburbs of toronto and just lived a quiet life --- but the pride for her friends just gives her enough motivation to move further and become better.

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐒 𝐈𝐍 𝐂𝐑𝐈𝐌𝐄 / best friend --- we all have that someone who’s impossibly close to us; who we cannot imagine our lives without. the bond is so crucial to them both parties that it feels as if there’s never been a moment without each other. the general public and tabloids, though, feel as if there’s more going on and will not stop nagging them about the details.

𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐋𝐘 𝐃𝐄𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐃 / friends drifted apart / exes --- as weird as it is, oly is very much a yolo person. in addition to that, she has a ton of love and devotion for every single person she’s ever had in her life no matter what happened between them or what caused them to drift apart. though, her ever-changing nature is known to drive people away which, tbh, happens to be a blessing and a curse -- it helps oly sort of “filter” through her circle of friends, but then again, if someone enters her life, they leave and undeniable impact on it. therefore, she misses whoever left her life more than they could ever imagine.

𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘𝐁𝐎𝐃𝐘 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐒 𝐘𝐎𝐔 / rival (?) --- olympia isn’t perfect in any way, shape or form. she knows that, but most importantly, the public knows that and will not stop critiquing every little thing that she does. this person, though, is the exact opposite - the public LOVES them to the point where even olympia’s parents would probably say things like “ugh, i wish you could be more like that!”. this makes the relationship between the two quite ... strained. because as much as olympia may love them as a person, there’s always this lingering sense of jealousy that just enables her petty side.

𝐢𝐯. 𝐎𝐎𝐂

ok so ! if you’ve reached this part of my intro ... i cannot thank u enough bc this ?? this is long as HECK but i wanted to actually try and describe the kind of muse i envision in my head. i love u all a latte & if u feel like plotting w/ my dumb kid, leave a like on this post or feel free to mssg me on discord under futurenostalgias#1692 🤠sidenote tho: i’ll probably get to the mssgs in a few hours seeing as i have a few assignments to complete and i’m sorta braindead ... love u , cannot wait to write w/ u ! xoxo ur friendly neighborhood trash char  

[mcrtiniblues-blog]

.. let’s just get this over with SDKLFJDKSLDG this one Has to be typed in full so i’m dying already. sadly, you’re gonna have to wait on her stats page, among others sdfjgkldf

( deepika padukone, cisfemale, she/her. ) hey that’s amla jothadi over by the fountain! i wonder if they took a coin out. i heard the thirty-one year old’s been in sovana for two years and they’re known to be pretty apprehensive but also adept. a song that describes their life would be young by vallis alps and neatly-stacked novels, lilacs, freshly baked banana muffins, & bitten pen caps always reminds me of them.

so unlike halle, amla isn’t super developed as she’s a new new muse sdgjksd

so you’re getting the absolute basics i’m afraid !

had lived in london for her entire life and her home life was rather.. standard ??

middle child, only daughter syndrome didn’t hit her too hard bc she was the apple of her father’s eye and was a near-mirror image of her mother, so she had them both wrapped around her finger fsgdkldfgj

her and her brothers got along okay, hair-pulling and exclusion bc of “boys only”/”leave MY friends alone” moments aside, so it really was a rather mundane childhood that she had

p much the crybaby of her graduating class, overly sentimental and sweet so she was at most an annoyance to some

but it did make her a solid target for some of the mean kids bc they could get a reaction out of her pretty easily

nonetheless, she wasn’t the type to hold grudges for it, just dodged them and moved on from it as much as she could bc she figured they’d get bored of seeking her out eventually

all in all a teacher’s pet, friendly to all and just. adorable. slkdfgjdfs

she had an interest in cooking and writing from a young age, but left the former as a hobby and began to build a desire to do the latter as a career

but of course ! nothing is that simple !

at some point she realized that writing probably wouldn’t pay the bills by itself — when she Actually became an adult and would have to do that herself sfgdlk

so upon entering uni, she decided to go for a communications degree, thinking that she could at least start off as a secretary or clerk at a media group before doing Something creative there

.. but years passed after graduating and she was Still but a clerk. handling files and documents, answering calls that shouldn’t even be sent her way at times bc the people around her couldn’t be bothered, having a hard time with putting her foot down so she winds up swamped and stagnant before even hitting her thirties

and that’s not at All how she pictured her life at this age, so she’s disappointed and stressed and SAD af

but she thought she Had to take it bc it seemed like an unspoken rule that you do four years at uni, you do your masters or get out there and lock yourself down to a company/occupation for the next 40 years of your life before living it up at 70 in florida or at your tiny house in the countryside

her passion for writing and some of her hobbies floundered bc of how much the desk jockey life stressed her out, the only thing keeping her from wholly spiralling being her fridays at the pub with her college friends

.. though seeing things work out for them ( for the most part ) where they didn’t for her didn’t alleviate her worries 100%

so come her 29th birthday, she.. had her inevitable quarter life crisis of sorts, cringey rom com plotlines serving as inspo

bc she just. wasn’t Happy with her life at that point, had no real sense of adventure or pure freedom bc she locked herself down to what she thought she’s SUPPOSED to do or focus on

and it was when she was binging.. rom coms KLGJDSFGKL that she figured she should throw caution to the wind and go somewhere Else. some deep diving via google for destinations later and she fell in love with sovana !

she’s been here for two years now, just living life and staying far from her former office life, going at her own pace

she wants to delve into writing as she planned at one point, a now or never kind of thing, and she’s been... getting back into the swing of things ( EDIT: didn't even realize i left this hanging mid-sentence, didn't remember where i was going with it so filling the void looks a tad nonsensical SGFDLK )

cooking classes and baking, reading in the garden near her house, lots of other cute things fill up her days now and she’s having a Great time as a result SGKLDJSD

she’s done a few odd jobs here and there so she can sustain herself financially, though she’s currently working part-time at a café she frequents bc coffee ? treats ?? a chill reading environment ??? sign her up

personality and such

where halle’s often the bane of my existence ( when she’s not a bit of a mood ), amla’s baby

she’s not naive, but she has a relatively gentle soul 

wholesome isn’t quite a word i’d use to describe her but she’s just super cute and a simpleton in some respects

the type to spare baby ants and spiders from being crushed by a slipper for being in the house, but to get someone else to take care of the.. creepier insects jskdfh

she’s not a Big risk-taker bc The Unknown scares her, so for her to even do what she did two years ago took a LOT out of her to muster up the nerve

so she’s a bit of an anxious person who at times needs assurance, even from a complete stranger 

v big on global issues bc she wants the world to be a more peaceful place, so there’s a side of her that tends to see in black and white rather than grey.... or rose ig sdgklsd

the simple things in life appeal to her a lot, though a luxury or two is welcome if she can put it to good use 

the Mom friend in some situations :( a cutie

she’s a romantic, like she has the Vibe even when she tries to play it off like the extent of it is a bit closeted, secretive yknow ??

bc even then.. she has her trepidations bc of the relationships that had flamed out in the past for whatever reason

has a cat named rory, who she Loves and might be projecting her slight baby fever onto for the time being

.. basically she’s your white picket fence fantasist — but make it rustic and less cliché — who’s managing to grip her bearings on the matter, if you couldn’t already tell SLKGJGFSD

yknow how some people get really emotional and quiet in an argument but proceed to snap almost out of fucking nowhere ?? that’s amla

sdlfkgj she’s used to having been a doormat or target in the past, so she tends to let herself take it until she realizes “ hey, i don’t need to be shit on like this, how Dare you — ”

just. love her please FKLFGDJSKLD

[eserenityyyy]

LL Secret Santa ‘18 Present

Merriest Christmas @mackinmacki!! I’m your secret santa for @lovelivesecretsanta2018!!

I wrote you a fanfiction ft. NozoMaki :)) I hope you’d enjoy!

May you be blessed this Christmas and the coming year. Take care always! :>

You can also read it at ao3 here~

A SPECIAL BOND

A year had passed since the formation of the legendary school idol group Muse. The nine young women who were part of the said group had experienced many changes since they decided to end all their activities. The then third years especially, who were now on the path of finding themselves and pursuing their future, were adjusting to their college lives.

Still, they all remained close to each other and would get together from time to time. Their friendships were as tight as ever, but some even became closer than before.

Maki, for example, found herself seeking for Nozomi’s advice more often than she’d imagined.

She didn’t really know when she became this close to the older girl. It was surprising, at least to her, that Nozomi would be the one she would come to when she had problems. It wasn’t that she disliked her though. And she knew that Nozomi was great in listening to other people’s problems. But she thought their differences in attitude and interests would give them a hard time in dealing with each other.

Once, Maki was troubled about Rin and Hanayo.

She noticed that her two friends were spending more time with just each other than all three of them. She felt left out. Although she couldn’t really blame them since she knew that they were childhood best friends. It’s just that, with Honoka, Umi, and Kotori busy with student council matters, she had been left lonely without those two. And she was not the best in socializing.

As always, she found it hard to talk and open up her problem. She couldn’t just go and tell them “I’m lonely without you,” could she? She felt like she would just bother them with her childish attitude.

She told herself it would be alright eventually. She’d been more or less alone in her entire life after all. What’s new? And it’s not like they’d completely abandoned her too. There wasn’t even an argument or the sort.

At the very least, she told herself she should be happy since her days had been quieter and nicer without the constant energy around her that was Rin.

But then, when all nine of them met for a little gathering at her place, Nozomi noticed.

Maki was alone at her veranda, gazing at the stars shining above her. It was fun to be with all of them, and it had been a while. But she was somewhat overwhelmed with everything and she needed some time to breathe.

Then suddenly, she heard Nozomi’s voice ask her. “Care for some company?”

Maki looked at the older girl and the latter gave a waiting look. She considered refusing but she didn’t want to be disrespectful and turn out as cold or unwelcoming. Nozomi wasn’t that noisy if she chose not to be too. So she nodded and said, “sure.”

For a while they just minded their own businesses. They both enjoyed the night breeze and its calming aura. Then Nozomi casually asked, “what’s wrong, Maki-chan?” She continued to watch the sky instead of Maki.

Taken aback, Maki turned to Nozomi incredulously. “N-Nothing.” She started twirling her hair with her fingers as she looked away.

“Has it got something to do with Rin-chan and Hanayo-chan?” Nozomi asked again.

Maki’s eyes widened as she looked at Nozomi again. “Wha-? How did you-?”

Nozomi giggled. “I was just guessing. But it turns out I’m right!”

“I didn’t say it was them-” then Maki saw Nozomi’s victorious playful smirk. She sighed, “fine.”

“So what’s going on with them?” Nozomi asked, although she might already have an idea why. “Did you have a fight?”

Maki paused before answering, “not really. It’s just...”

“Hm? Just what?” Nozomi urged.

“I... feel like they’re avoiding me?” said Maki. She too was unsure of the ideas she jumped onto.

“How can you say so?” Nozomi asked.

“Well,” Maki said, “they just greet me in the morning when they come to class and then in the afternoon before going home. Sometimes at lunch they disappear immediately. They used to stick with me and nag me all the time.” Even Maki herself was surprised at how much she was saying.

“Oh?” Nozomi said with a teasing smile. “I thought you don’t like noisy people who’s all over you all the time?”

Maki opened her mouth to retort but she was left speechless as heat crept up her face in embarrassment.

Nozomi let out a small laugh. “I’m just joking,” she said, “tell me more about it?”

And so Maki told Nozomi the details of her trouble. It was surprisingly easy to talk about it with the older girl. Although she was often teased by her, the embarrassment soon lifted off and she was able to talk smoothly. Maki realized she was enjoying the evening with Nozomi. They were just there together, talking about how to resolve Maki’s problem, all night until Honoka decided they should play some games.

A week passed by and Maki knew why she was being avoided.

It was her birthday and the girls all planned a surprise for her. There were tomato soup, cake, juice, and some of her other favorite food. It was held at the music room of their school and Nozomi, Eli, and Nico all came over. They all played games, sang, and danced together.

Rin and Hanayo were the ones in charge of arranging things, that’s why they were so busy and ended up seeming like they’re avoiding her. When Maki found that out, she turned to Nozomi who gave her a knowing grin before she hugged her two best friends.

Rin was so delighted with the redhead’s unusual action so she reciprocated so tightly and excitedly. “Maki-chan hugged us nyaaa! Happy birthday Maki-chan!”

Hanayo prayed she wouldn’t faint from suffocation. “Someone save meee!”

--

Weeks passed by and Maki found herself consulting Nozomi about her problems. It’s not that she had something against Rin nor Hanayo though. It was just so easy to talk to Nozomi. It’s like she could be all whiny and complain a lot and Nozomi wouldn’t mind listening at all. Nozomi’s teases and laughter comforted her too, for a reason she didn’t know. Maki’s secrets were securely safe with the older girl and she knew that.

They spent a lot of time together when Nozomi was free from university. Sometimes, they would go out to the park and stargaze. Oftentimes, they were just at Nozomi’s apartment or at a cafe. Maki was truly happy being with the older girl. She often found herself giving in to the prankster’s antics. Nozomi even convinced her to call her “Non-chan,” albeit it took a lot of pleads and washi washi threats.

It’s like they formed a special bond of their own, different from the rest of their friends.

Rin questioned it once, “why do you talk about Nozomi-chan a lot these days nya?” There wasn’t really anything wrong with what she asked. Even with them, it was unusual for Maki to talk a lot and about someone who wasn’t even there anymore for the past months.

At first, Hanayo thought nothing much about it since Nozomi was one of their closest friends. But then, sometimes, Maki would mention the older girl out of nowhere; so she became curious as well. She and Rin looked at the redhead expectantly.

“Eh?” Maki froze. Then she twirled her hair. “N-No reason! Nothing! She’s our f-friend, isn’t she? Isn’t it fine to talk about her?” She looked away, avoiding their sights.

Rin leaned closer to Maki. “Is that so nya?”

Maki nodded. “You talk about Non-cha-” She coughed. “I mean, N-Nozomi too, don’t you? And Eli, and Nico-chan, and Hono--”

“Non-chan!?” Hanayo exclaimed with eagerness.

“Oh! Maki-chan’s got a nickname for Nozomi-chan nya!” Rin followed up.

“Bueghh! Wh-What’s wrong with that?” Maki’s face reddened with embarrassment.

“Nothing nya!” Rin answered, imitating Maki.

“What’s that? I don’t get it at all!”

--

December was approaching and Maki was troubled yet again. And as usual, her feet brought her outside of Nozomi’s apartment door. Her breathing was ragged because of her rush. She knocked at the door and Nozomi came short after.

When Nozomi opened the door, a worried expression flashed on her face. “Maki-chan?”

Maki was looking down and didn’t respond. She continued breathing rapidly. She was frowning.

“Maki-chan, come in! It’s cold out here!” Nozomi ushered the younger girl into her apartment. “Are you alright?”

There was still no answer from Maki. She took off her shoes and stood in front of Nozomi.

“Maki-chan, what’s wrong?” Nozomi asked, worried about the redhead’s uneasiness and obvious... sadness. Was she pouting?

“Non-chan,” Maki finally said, looking at Nozomi’s eyes like a lost little puppy. “Tell me, is it true that Santa-san is not real?” she asked with tainted innocence. She looked so... heartbroken.

Nozomi paused and stared at her, a little surprised at the question. Then she held Maki’s hand. “Maki-chan, dear, who told you that?” She gave her a smile that she hoped could warm her up.

“Th-That’s not important,” said Maki, “just tell me if it’s true or not.” There was a hint of desperation in her voice. Her brows furrowed as if saying, ‘please tell me it’s not.’

Nozomi gave yet another smile. She squeezed Maki’s hand and said, “it is true...” She figured beating around the bush wouldn’t be effective in handling Maki and it might just worsen the situation.

The look of realization and sorrow that Maki wore broke Nozomi’s heart too. It hurt to see the sweet innocence of the younger girl being crushed. It made Nozomi want to take back her words, but that just wouldn’t do any good.

Tears threatened to burst out of Maki’s eyes as she looked down. “Oh,” was all she could utter.

“But it’s alright, isn’t it?” Nozomi suddenly asked. Maki brought her attention back to the older girl with confused eyes. Nozomi smiled and continued, “it means that someone really loves and cares for you that they’d give you a gift every year. Even though they write Santa-san’s name instead of theirs. In your case, it’s your parents who stand up as Santa-san. They love you so much.”

“But why did they lie to me?” Maki asked with a little irritation.

Nozomi paused to think of the right answer. “You see, Maki-chan,” she started, “it’s not that they really wanted to lie to you. They just didn’t want to hurt you. They knew that if you find out the truth about him, then you would be hurt so much. Just like now. They didn’t want your hopes to be crushed.”

“Didn’t they think I would realize it someday...” Maki uttered. She knew that maybe she was being immature and childish, but who could blame her? For 16 years she believed that every year someone besides her parents cared for her. Santa-san was her first friend. Even though she never really met him, she always appreciated the gifts she received and the letters that came with them. “Now I’m looking stupid, believing that some old man comes through our chimney every year.” Her voice was starting to waver. She pulled her hand from Nozomi’s as she looked away with sadness and pain.

“Hey, it’s alright,” Nozomi assured, “you’re not stupid.” She watched as Maki stomped off to sit on the couch of her living room. She followed after and sat beside her, making sure to keep a certain distance so as not to startle the younger girl. “Maki-chan,” she called. But Maki refused to even look at her. “Maki-chan?” Nozomi repeated.

“...ven you...” Maki eventually whispered. She bit her lip to contain her emotions. She was still staring down, not meeting Nozomi’s eyes.

But Nozomi didn’t hear what she said clearly so she asked, “hm? what is it?” She kept her voice soft and gentle, hoping that Maki would open up to her more.

There was a short silence as Maki contemplated whether to talk or not. Then she said, “I said, even you girls lied to me.” She clenched her skirt, bottling her feelings.

“What?” Nozomi asked, confused. “When?”

“Last year,” Maki answered, “on our Christmas party. You gave me another gift and said it was from... Santa-san.” Her voice cracked and a tear trickled down her face. “I’m sure Nico-chan and Rin, heck even Honoka, were making fun of me for believing such a stupid thing.”

Nozomi frowned. “That’s not true,” she replied. “Sure, Nicochi let out a laugh,” she admitted. No use lying now, right? “But that’s just because she found your innocence cute.” She giggled. “Those three were even the most excited ones when we made your present!”

Maki’s eyebrows raised in shock. “R-Really?” Ever the tsundere, she tried not to show the delight in her eyes.

Nozomi nodded with a smile. “Yup! So don’t ever think that we see you as dumb, or stupid, or an idiot, okay? We love you the way you are. Your innocence despite you being smart is one of your charms!” She gave a grin that was so genuine and full of love.

“O-Of course I’m not stupid!” Maki looked away while twirling her hair with her fingers. And her cheeks were painted red. Now there’s the Maki Nozomi knew.

Nozomi chuckled and wrapped her arms around Maki. “Yup!”

Now all that’s left was for Nozomi to find out who told Maki the sacred truth and give that person a washi washi of a lifetime.

[run-for-funner]

thoughts. life. INTP. comments?

I am in a job I like (love sometimes, but not dream job) and have been for the past year and a half. Like enough to not be constantly searching like I was the past few years. This past year and a half I also have been single for the first time in like 9 years. I’ve always been a super independent person and didn’t like relying on people much really (I figured out why in the past 5 years as well. Lots of trust issues caused by various people in my life: close family members, former ‘best’ friends, former ‘close’ friends). Re: the latter (relying on people) during and post grad school, I realized that while I had many shitty people in my life, I also did have great people, but that I couldn’t expect or rely on people always reaching out to me, any relationship is a 2 way street. I think I used to be way better when I was younger about that, maybe. OR not. I grew up in a small town/city, so it wasn’t hard to maintain close friendships, and in undergrad my closest friends I saw all the time because we all worked together. we saw each other outside of work too, but idk.

Anyway post-break up I think maybe the hardest thing to get used to was not having the best friend I had had for years. I knew this was going to be the most difficult - he did too. we are still “Friends” but I don’t think we could ever be best friends again (any time soon) because there would be confusing boundaries. And also he now lives across the world so that too... haha. 

SO, the past year and a half I have fluxed between trying to work on and maintain and find relationships with people (And like, I have always done this and found people I enjoy spending time with) but I live in a bigger city, everyone is always busy, everyone now (LOL) also happen to be in relationships, or plenty of plans with their own already established friend groups (as life always is) and that is obviously FINE and I am okay with that, and I always know that I have to try harder to hang out with people and show I am interested in getting to know people better (in particular because I often can be perceived as being more aloof and “not needing anyone” because of how strongly independent I come off as - which... I AM! But I also love my friends but I know that they most see me differently or something, maybe they think I am always busy? or prefer being alone? I don’t know) the latter I say because my closest friends in DC - who are great people - honestly never reached out to me after my bf broke up with me. like no one really was there fore me. that was unexpected too. my birthday celebration was the week after the breakup and my closest friends left early and they were “there” but idk. no one was there for me. and, for me, I was like “whatever” i didn’t think much of it at the time. Like I sad previously, my mantra in life for various reasons (Trust reasons in the past) ultimately always was “you’re alone ultimately, and you’re the only one actually responsible for your happiness”. But before I wasn’t actually “alone”... because I had someone who cared about me a lot, my ex, who while our relationship didn’t ultimately pan out, did care about (and does care about) me, and I miss having someone I can talk to about dumb daily things where they actually listen and give a shit. Or idk. my former best friends, who were shitty best friends and only were my friends because of specific circumstances, ultimately... but when they were acting like my best friends (I say this because I see people who are REAL best friends, where their care spans over time and distance, and people constantly check in. Which I did to to these people but they never did it back so i realized it was shit; sorry, tangenting again) ANYWAY. There are all these people in DC who care about me, yes, and I care about them a lot too. And I love all their company, and there are like 3 people who do ACTUALLY reach out to me and want to hang out and do things and they are also people who fall under “close friends” category (hehe one of them has tumblr so it’s possible she is reading this, sup if you’re reading this lol lol lol lol lol) probably no one WILL read this but i just idk. I am fine being on my own and by myself but I miss having a best friend. not counting my ex, haven’t had one since.... 6 years ago. and then she was a “fake” best friend as it turned out - just using me (yay! lol)

there is this guy I like in DC. I like him - am attracted to him - because of his personality and his interests and everything. It’s the first time in a long time I have felt such a deep connection with someone, and I care a lot about him, but also because we are close friends (I think). and if he ultimately wasn’t attracted to me (this is still fuzzy things) I wouldn’t care because it’s hard for me to find people who i can ACTUALLY talk to about ANYTHING that I personally enjoy discussing and have them not just stare blankly but actively engage in longer conversations and also ENJOY discussing the same random ass, deep, tangental things about the world. I feel like I can be COMPLETELY and utterly myself and say whatever I want and be who i am 100% and not worry about someone’s eyes glazing over, or changing the topic to something “less boring [for them]”, or not have someone tell me “wow, you think about this way too much, you think about this a lot, that is really some... over analyzing” or just idk. that. I always can be myself. And in getting to know him I realized all of the above, that I miss having a best friend. someone i can be completely myself with and know they aren’t going to get bored or annoyed or have their eyes glaze over, and someone who actually completely enjoys all of me rather than just parts of me. And i don’t mind the latter, that is fine. I don’t require a relationship to have a best friend. He already has best friends. Doubt he cares about finding another one. and that’s okay too. i mean maybe he also perceives me as someone close to him.  I just. idk. musing. pondering. i flick between sadness and also not giving a shit about anything and being okay by myself, but ultimately I miss having someone to share my life with. which can just be a best friend and not a “dating relationship” but both are hard to come by randomly as adults tbh. i think.

 Or at least for me.  Re: INTP - since grad school, I (always, my whole life, have been introspective) but (As mentioned above) I actually thought about and worked on relationships and interacting with people. I don’t naturally always feel like making plans with people - in particular because 95% of the time, no one EVER reaches out to me to do stuff (there is a 5%, I am aware and appreciate those people all the more haha). But I continue to make efforts, way more than I used to. Although always planned-ahead-of-time efforts, I’m not great at least minute stuff (I dislike sudden plans cuz “alone time” is a plan for me haha) The end. any other INTPs out there? Seriously though it’s really hard to find people I completely 100% am myself, rather than just. 70%. Or 50%; Actively choosing to not say X things or discuss Y things because I know other people won’t care or aren’t interested (which is totally FINE). I bear no negativity towards that. I just mean. Idk. best friends man... 

[lunaciies-archived]

Meet The Muse

► Name ➔ “ Luna Basquerville. At your service. ” ► Are you single ➔ “ Yes. ” ► Are you happy ➔  “ Also yes. I’m far too busy with my schedule as it is to entertain an actual relationship, and they often prove to be more of a distraction than they are worthwhile. ” ► Are you angry? ➔  “ Wrong sibling. Might I refer you to my brother? ” ► Are your parents still married ➔ “ My parents are dead. So good on you for bringing that up. ”

NINE FACTS

► Birth Place ➔ “ Fabria, Italy. A sequestered castle town in the northern mountains of the Romagnia. ” ► Hair Color ➔ “ Black, with a very lustrous sheen. I take very good care to maintain the texture and quality of my hair. ” ► Eye Color ➔ “ Gold. ” ► Birthday ➔ “ January 6th, 1472. Gives you an idea of just how old I really am compared to you lot. ” ► Mood ➔ “ At the moment, calm. While rest assured of my overall superiority. ” ► Gender ➔ “ I'm a woman. ” ► Summer or winter ➔ “ Winter. I like the snow and the silence. ” ► Morning or afternoon ➔ “ Morning. ”

EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE

► Are you in love ➔ “ Dear God, no. ” ► Do you believe in love at first sight ➔ “ Love at first sight is something Shakespeare conjured up to sell tickets and theater pamphlets. So, no. ” ► Who ended your last relationship ➔ “ I did. Suffice it to say, he was far too boring and simple-minded to keep up with me. ” ► Have you ever broken someone’s heart ➔ “ Yes. ” ► Are you afraid of commitments ➔ “ I’m afraid of someone slowing me down. I’m committed to my work, and my master and my hounds, respectively. ” ► Have you hugged someone within the last week? ➔ “ My master tried to surprise hug me from behind earlier today. Naturally, I swerved a hard right to avoid him. ” ► Have you ever had a secret admirer ➔ “ Oh, several. But if they don’t have the courage to confront me themselves, then they certainly aren’t worth my precious time. ” ► Have you ever broken your own heart? ➔ “ That would require me having a heart to begin with. ”

SIX CHOICES

► Love or lust ➔ “ Lust, if I had to choose. ” ► Lemonade or iced tea ➔ “ Iced tea. ” ► Cats or Dogs ➔ “ Dogs. For obvious reasons. ” ► A few best friends or many regular friends ➔ “ A few best friends with powerful connections. ” ► Wild night out or romantic night in ➔ “ Wild night out. My nights are already very productive as it is. ” ► Day or night ➔ “ Night. ”

FIVE HAVE YOU EVERS

► Been caught sneaking out ➔ “ No. ” ► Fallen down/up the stairs ➔ “ No. ” ► Wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? ➔ “ Wanted something so badly that it hurt the other person? Then, yes. ” ► Wanted to disappear ➔ “ No. I’m much too busy to just disappear. ”

FOUR PREFERENCES

► Smile or eyes ➔ “ Both, and you have a killer combination. ” ► Shorter or Taller ➔ “ Taller. Though that is somewhat more difficult in my case with me being six foot. ” ► Intelligence or Attraction ➔ “ Intelligence, shortly followed by attraction as a palette cleanser thereafter. ” ► Hook-up or Relationship ➔ “ I have had a few relationships in recent years, though they’ve strictly been on a casual status. As long as we have a mutual understanding of the circumstances, I would rather prefer the latter. ”

FAMILY

► Do you and your family get along ➔ “ Yes, I suppose. My brother and I keep our distances, and stay in touch when need be. I will say that he has mellowed out since he’s been married. Not entirely, but still I’ve seen some improvement on his part. ” ► Would you say you have a “messed up life” ➔ “ I lead an... interesting life. At least I’m rarely ever bored. ” ► Have you ever ran away from home ➔ “ No. ” ► Have you ever gotten kicked out ➔ “ Kicked out from heaven? Yes. More so permanently barred entry, but you get the picture. Demons get turned away on sight. ”

FRIENDS

► Do you secretly hate one of your friends ➔ “ I don’t put my energy into aimlessly hating the masses. I have far too much else to focus on for that drivel. ” ► Do you consider all of your friends good friends ➔ “ Those who have earned their place as friends, yes. One might even consider it a privilege to be on my good side. ” ► Who is your best friend ➔ “ My hounds are my most trusted companions. Never once have they betrayed me. ” ► Who knows everything about you ➔ “ My master knows more about me than any living soul, even my true name. He follows shortly after my hounds in whom I would entrust with my life. ”

Tagged by: @avarumdeus (thank you~!!) Tagging: @exoptabilis, @bestiadeluna, @devileycs, @corruptedgod, @sukkubxs, @thompsonxxwitches & any else who wants - give it a try!

[trb-reacts]

The Raven Boys, Chapter 14

“When is Mom’s birthday?” Helen asked. Gansey was simultaneously pleased to hear her voice and annoyed to be bothered by something so trivial. For the most part, he and his sister got along well; Gansey siblings were a rare and complicated species, and they didn’t have to pretend to be something they weren’t around each other.

Umm, excuse you, Gansey. How dare you call your mom’s birthday trivial?? Also, I’m a little amused but glad to see that not all of my rich people stereotypes are coming up here. I expected all the siblings to be very cold with them *eyes at the Lynch brothers*, but that’s not the case and Gansey’s family seems pretty close with each other for most part? 

(Except for the dad, of course, who threatened to remove Gansey from inheriting anything if he gets below a B)

But, yeah, I’m just glad that there’s at least some healthy sibling relationships around here. 

“You’re the wedding planner,” Gansey said as a dog ripped out of nowhere. It barked furiously, trying to bite the Camaro’s tires.

Lol, I don’t know why with the way this is written, I’m beginning to think that Gansey’s car tires is made of rich people leather and that’s why the dog all of sudden just raised its head, went idk STEAK! and just ripped outta nowhere towards Gansey’s car tires. Also I’m amused because I just recall Gansey’s car is named the Pig, I think, which… makes sense why the dog is going after it?

Helen did not need to be anything. She didn’t have careers, she had hobbies that involved other people’s lives.

Oh, now that definitely sounds more like a rich person thing. She didn’t have careers, she had a fortune of old money to live off of. Oh wait, that’s not what it said? I think that’s just my bitterness towards these rich families coming out. Gee, how does Adam ever stand them?

Also, She didn’t have careers, she had hobbies that involved other people’s live, sounds like such a bored married housewife would nothing to do thing, like, uh, I have nothing to do ever since I don’t work, so let’s just gossip and try to backseat drive your life. 

In all honesty, I like Helen so far. The first thing she really called about is to ask about her mother’s birthday, which while shows that she does not remember, she at least cares?? And Gansey likes her, which is a nice vote of confidence in my book *just eyes at Ronan, my nonsecret fav in the book, and Adam, the sweetheart*. Yeah, so I don’t know why I’m kinda lowkey roasting her. I think I just don’t like too many hints of Old Money and Rich People, since I’m poor. 

A lab mix tied in front of the first house bayed dolorously as he passed. The other dog continued to worry at his tires, a snarl ascending with the engine note.

Why does it seem like there’s so many dogs in this neighborhood, though I do very much love dogs. 

Three kids in sleeveless shirts stood in one of the yards shooting milk jugs with BB guns; they shouted Hey, Hollywood! and affably aimed guns at the Pig’s tires. They pretended to hold phones by their ears. Gansey felt a peculiar stab at the three of them, their camaraderie, their belonging, products of their surroundings. He wasn’t sure if it was pity or envy. Everywhere was dust.

Oh, there was something about this scene. Three again, after the reading with Blue and Whelk last time, three kids. Gansey felt a peculiar stab at the three of them, their camaraderie, their belonging, products of their surroundings. Like, it sounds very much like envy, except Gansey does have kinda these things among the raven boys. The only issue is that, well, life is never as simple for Gansey or the raven boys as it could be for these three random kids, since life is always complicated when old money and a circle of influential family is involved. 

Also, just the ending of this paragraph. Everywhere was dust. Gansey couldn’t see clearly, just which one is which, envy and pity swirling together? Or was it a matter of showing how low these kids are compared to Gansey and his background, little specks that means nothing in the end, even if they have more - their camaraderie, their belonging, products of their surroundings - than Gansey thinks he can ever have. 

“I’m going to see a friend.” “The mean one, or the white trash one?” “Helen.” She replied, “Sorry. I meant Captain Frigid or Trailer-Park Boy.”

I would say that I’m not sure if I should be amused or offended, but that would be a lie. I’m offended. Is this prejudice against people who’s not born into the same rich background as them? I’m very happy that my mind knew what was up and was roasting her even before this line came up. 

Also, I think it’s kinda obvious by now, but Noah really isn’t actually part of the group. People refer to the boys as Gansey&Ronan&Adam. Noah is making very few appearances. 

“Dad calls them worse things,” Helen said.

I’m sorry, darling, but that’s really no excuse. You can think for yourself, can’t you, instead of pointing fingers and saying, Well, as least I’m not as mean as him!

Somehow seeing his parents always reminded him of how little he’d accomplished, how similar he and Helen were, how many red ties he owned, how he was slowly growing up to be everything Ronan was afraid of becoming.

Oh, intriguing. How little he has accomplished. Low self-esteem or just the idea that his value depends on how much he has accomplished, though I understand that in this case, it probably came from his upbringing. How much red ties, I’m not sure what that means. I think I’m mostly intrigued by how he was slowly growing up to be everything Ronan was afraid of becoming, mostly because I’m wondering if Gansey is also afraid of becoming that rich white guy as well. And just, also, the idea that Ronan is afraid instead of hate, as though Ronan thinks his potential to be what he doesn’t want to be is very much there to turn potential to reality. 

Fat, shiny carpenter bees swooped at his head, distracted from their work of destroying the stairs.

Bees… destroys stairs????

The idea that you had to pay for the beauty in Henrietta should have occurred to him before then, but it hadn’t. No matter how many times Adam told him he was foolish about money, he couldn’t seem to get any wiser about it.

Oh, Gansey, everything is paid in money, but you use it as easily as breathing. For some people, money is paid in breaths, in time, in huffs of breaths of toil and hours worked to accumulate for so little. 

There is no spring here, Gansey realized, and the thought was unexpectedly grim.

This is a profound line, but I’m mostly thinking about how it’s April and still it feels like fucking winter. No spring indeed for me, this year. Metaphorically applies too, since this year sucks for me so far. 

Adam’s knees bent as if he were going to scoot himself out from under the car, but then he didn’t. 

Gansey knew what this meant, this failure to immediately come out from beneath the car, and anger and guilt drew his chest tight. The most frustrating thing about the Adam situation was that Gansey couldn’t control it. Not a single piece of it. 

Oh, Adam. I don’t know if I want Adam to not come out because he doesn’t want Gansey to see that he is beat up for being caught after trying to sneak out, or because Adam is angry at Gansey. The former because Adam being so considerate just breaks my heart and the latter because I think Adam is the type to, in a very non-hyperbolic way, kill himself trying to help those he care about and I really want Adam to be able to… not exactly stand up for himself because Gansey doesn’t really bully Adam so much as ask him for stuff despite knowing it would be difficult for Adam, but at least be able to say no and be able to put himself before others on some occasions. 

A bruise spread over his cheekbone, red and swelling as a galaxy. A darker one snaked over the bridge of his nose.

</3 oh, Adam.

“And what about when Glendower takes you away from Henrietta?” Gansey couldn’t say it wouldn’t happen. “You come with.”

Oh, and Adam says his faith in Gansey’s dream is incomplete. When he says, though I supposed it is incomplete, at least in Gansey. Adam didn’t think Gansey would take him with him. 

Rags to riches isn’t a story anyone wants to hear until after it’s done. 

Too true, too heartbreaking. Everyone wants to hear a ‘I preserve, worked hard and I succeeded, it paid off’. Who wants to hear a ‘and I’m still trying, with no success in sight’? 

But it was a story that was hard to finish when Adam had missed school yet again. There was no happy ending without passing grades.

Don’t be so real, guys. Reality is setting in and this is not what I signed up for when I started reading this book. 

And this was an uneasy place to be, because Gansey knew it took a lot for Adam to accept his reasons for chasing Glendower. Adam had plenty of reasons to be indifferent about Gansey’s nebulous anxiety, his questioning of why the universe had chosen him to be born to affluent parents, wondering if there was some greater purpose that he was alive.

The poor are sad they’re poor, Adam had once mused, and turns out the rich are sad they’re rich. 

Sigh, the grass is always greener on the other side and I can imagine how much it sucks for Adam to see everything he ever wanted be in every other person’s hand, not because they earned it but because they were born with it. They have everything Adam ever wanted and still, they want more. 

And Ronan had said, Hey, I’m rich, and it doesn’t bother me.

Except ‘growing up to be everything Ronan was afraid of becoming’, yeah, being rich doesn’t bother Ronan. 

Success meant nothing to Adam if he hadn’t done it for himself.

I’m so proud of my son rn but also like, goddamnit Adam, let them help you a little. You don’t have to use connections for everything, but use the connection to get an opportunity to prove yourself, would you?

“You’ve watched too many cop shows.” “I’ve watched the evening news, Adam,”

Nice comeback, Gansey, mostly because i agree with him. This is one sad reality. 

“Why don’t you let Ronan teach you to fight? He’s offered twice now. He means it.”

I did not expect to hear this, but now I’m just so happy and proud. Ronan, wanting Adam to be able to defend himself, and offers to teach him. Ronan, offering twice. I’m so happy. 

“Because then he will kill me.” “I don’t follow.” Adam said, “He has a gun.”

Well, there goes my happiness out the door. Adam’s father sucks the life and happiness outta me and we haven’t actually even met him yet. Jesus. 

Not at the double-wides in the foreground, but past them, to the flat, endless field with its tufts of dry grass. So many things survived here without really living.

But… can I say ‘but they survive.’ Not living, but still, they survive. And if they survive long enough, they can transfer to a better environment where they can thrive. 

“It means I never get to be my own person. If I let you cover for me, then I’m yours. I’m his now, and then I’ll be yours.”

Yes and no. Yes, because I can see where Adam is coming, I really can, but… there’s a difference between receiving some help and owing someone so much that you owe them everything. But at the same time, I don’t think it’s ever about the degree of help Gansey exert, more like the more helpful the help was to Adam, the more Adam feels like he will owe, even if Gansey’s help might really involve an effortless phone call that would get Adam an interview for a job.

Some days, all that grounded him was the knowledge that his and Adam’s friendship existed in a place that money couldn’t influence.

Gansey, I don’t think you could ever say this so long as you and Adam’s social and monetary status is so different. You can probably say this about you and Ronan, but you’re naive if you thought so between you and Adam. 

“You don’t know how it makes people look at me and at you. It’s all they need to know about us. They’ll think I’m your monkey.“

Ouch. Just.. ouch. 

I am only my money. It is all anyone sees, even Adam.

You’re not only your money, Gansey, but that is a huge part of you. Adam is admittedly bothered by the glaring money part of you that stares him in the face all the time. 

“You’re as bad as her. You think you deserve it.”

Who’s her? Adam’s mom?

“Don’t pretend you know,” he said. “Don’t come here and pretend you know anything.” Gansey told himself to walk away. To say nothing else. Then he said, “Don’t pretend you have anything to be proud of, then.”

Oh Gansey, have you ever thought that it is exactly because Adam has nothing to be proud of that he clings onto his pride, the fact  that everything he has is because he earned it, because there is nothing else. He is building from bottom up, and it is true, people only want to hear stories of rag to riches. Would you have said the same, would you have been able to say those words, Gansey, if Adam already became rich?

As soon as he said it, he knew that it wasn’t fair, or even if it had been fair, it wasn’t right. But he wasn’t sorry he’d said it.

I would like to condemn Gansey, but… he is just awfully human, contradictory and acting on emotions and all. I can’t blame him, even if he shouldn’t have said it. The rich have their rich problem, the poor has theirs. 

He imagined coming here one day and finding that Adam wasn’t here, but in the hospital, or worse, that Adam was here, but that something important had been beaten out of him.

His pride or his life, Gansey, because I think you just tried to beat Adam’s pride out of him to save his life. And I’m not sure if that was for the better. 

… okay, I guess I’m not that forgiving towards Gansey. I can relate to Adam better, from one poor person to the other. 

Gansey could see his irises moving underneath the thin skin of his eyelids, a dreamer awake.

a dreamer awake, it said. Oh, this is so heartbreaking. Just… an optimist that had life lessons beaten into it one time too many for him to not turn into a realistic. And real life is that it is hard, it sucks, it’s not fair and not everyone would get what they deserve, even if they try. 

Now Adam looked at Gansey. There was something fierce and chilling in his eyes, an unnamable something that Gansey was always afraid would eventually take over completely. This, he knew, was a compromise, a risky gift that he could choose to reject.

In which Gansey asks for too much and when he learned to stop asking because he realize it costs Adam too much, Adam offers because… he’s Adam and Gansey is his friend. 

Adam’s breath stopped audibly. Through the windshield, Gansey met the eyes of Adam’s father.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckafkaslfdjgfkldfj. The price is high, so high. Adam, I know you said you need to return by 10, but please don’t. Please. Move in with Gansey, Ronan and Noah, finish up your college degree, get a good job, be successful, be happy. Don’t go back. 

Aaaand, we’ve come to the end of this chapter. What can I say besides too much had happened and emotions and risks run high. Next stop, back to Blue. 

[ramon-salamander]

Ok, now tell me everything that I didn't learn from the serial *lays on floor* shower me with your headcanons

OOC:

OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WITH PLEASURE!!!!!~ I’ma put this under a read more because I’ve got A LOT. But I know they’re are some that I’ve forgotten, so if anyone wants to remind us of any, feel free!

I’ll also just say: there ARE implications of abuse in the last one. I’ve put it between warnings, but please still tread carefully if you decide to read on.

((I should point out to begin with that this blog, if it isn’t already obvious, is V E R Y canon-divergent, to the point it’s its own AU I guess????))

-Motherfucker loves butterflies. Has a giant book on them. (You can blame this one on the Target novelization.)

-The Doctor’s comments about him being ‘a sort of Jekyll and Hyde character’ hits closer than one may think: Ramon and Salamander are two different consciousness who share a body. Whether Salamander is a lost soul who happened to attach themselves to Ramon or a split personality is up for debate. (Nemesio shares a different but similar idea to the first, but I’m still working on the other parts for that.)

-It’s Salamander who is in control for the majority of The Enemy of the World. No one knows for sure when he takes over and suppresses Ramon’s consciousness to a restrained but still aware degree. Certain moments that seem odd (his facial expression right after Benik turns to leave him in episode 4, for example) are really Ramon fighting back.

-Hides a really old stuffed animal in one of his pockets at all times. His name is Senor Stuffy and Ramon has had him so long that’s the poor thing is nothing more than a small pile of rags with buttons held together by stitches and love.

-Hilariously, Salamander’s spiel to Fedorin about volcanos in episode 2 is an echo of something his father Efrain had told Ramon when he was a kid.

-On the subject of parents (and a much lighter note), his mother Yesenia was a kind woman who only wanted the best for her son, but ultimately agreed with her husband that Salamander was nothing but the product of an overactive imagination. (I don’t remember who sent this one, but I love it a lot still.)

-Do not talk to this man about cats. You will never hear the end of it.

-Ramon is falsely accused of murder around a year before the SunStore is scheduled to launch. Nothing ever comes of it, and his success strikes it from his record.

-This blog’s Ramon comes from a timeline where TEotW takes place in the book’s timeline.

-I’m still trying to figure out how Hispanic naming customs work but from what I can gather I would like you to meet my muse Ramon Cassiel Salamander Reyes. (I know the second first name isn’t supposed to be a middle name in the traditional sense shhhhhh. There’s also some sick sort of symbolism in the maternal last name.)

-Grew up with only one true friend only to later learn that same kid is actually his half-brother.

-The only reason he escapes the Vortex with his mind intact is because he technically dies within minutes of entering it. The next thing he knows, Father Kreiner is standing over what he thinks is a cadaver, but has actually been revived upon being taken into the Horror. He remains Kreiner’s guinea pig for a year, and has horrible nightmares because of it. (On this blog, he hates the anons who bring up the Vortex and Kreiner the most.)

-The Vortex actually had a strange impact on his body: sometimes small tears will appear in time, allowing him to travel unguarded through the Vortex. This is all done unwillingly, and has strangely never happened while he’s inside a TARDIS. No one is exactly sure why.

-Met Giles Kent in a pub in Sussex.

-Literally 0 pain medication tolerance. Give this man an advil and he’s DOWN.

-I’ma pin the blame on @rose-of-pollux for this one, but he’s a closet Zelda fan. Ask him which is his favorite, I dare you.

-Hair is at maximum fluff after’s he’s just gotten up for the day.

-Probably beat the tar out of his fair share of tormentors in his childhood with a book. His parents were never pleased with this.

-Once managed to get a piece of fruit off the top branch of a tree with nothing but a piece of paper. Raul still isn’t sure how.

-His birthday is March 25, placing him at around 47/48 years old during the events of TEotW.

-Ramon/Salamander has also been wearing the same boots since then; the former because they’re comfortable, the latter because they’re stylish (and the style won’t be made for another 15+ years).

-He’s got a birthmark in the crease between his waist and thigh (and I blame @leda74 for this one as it was originally her idea).

(TRIGGER WARNING)

- I’ve spent the last ten minutes trying to figure out how to word what a piece of garbage his father Efrain, who ironically is the same person that gave him Stuffy, was and honestly the fact that Ramon is actually thankful Salamander suppresses most of his memories of the man should be enough, I think.

(WARNING OVER)

[chocosvt]

||↠11 questions tag 🖋

tagged by: @mansaeboysbe and @sunnysidewrites! thnk u my lovs.

tagging: @whatsoodo , @bfwooz , @jishua , @teeyongs + anyone else who wants to answer the questions. ill leave my own 11 for u to answer at the bottom of the post.

it’s been awhile since ive last done a tag game. i know tht im still behind on quite a few erfhnerf but ill try my best to take more initiative w/ these things. also disclaimer; sorry if my answers are kilometers long, it should be fairly obvious at this point i never shut the fuck up.

anyways, here are the q’s im answering in case u wanna see a specific answer :^)

01: weirdest present you have recieved? 02: coloured pencils, markers, or crayons? 03: what colour would you dye your hair? 04: which concept would you pick for which group? 05: sweet or sour candy? 06: favourite quirk on an idol? 07: would you rename a fandom? 08: something you want to tell your bias? 09: kpop MV you would want and not want to get stuck in? 10: an AU you’ve always wanted to write? 11: use memes to describe 2017 and how you want 2018 to go.

[01]. weirdest present you’ve ever received?

my pals and i always exchange weird presents for one another’s birthdays! it’s pretty much a tradition at this point, tho im not sure when or how it began? im pretty sure my last birthday card had caillou on it or something lol, and at one point we got our pal a can of peaches, a container of straws, tissue packages n a remote control, all with lil puns on them.

but the weirdest gift ive ever recieved? uhh, it was probably this miniature cotton candy machine tht my friends spent way too much on, primarily bc we only used it the day i opened it. u took hard candies and put them in the machine and eventually they would be spun into the actual floss tht makes cotton candy. it was cool but my mom threw it out eventually lol.

[02]. coloured pencils, markers, or crayons?

definitely coloured pencils. markers and crayons don’t rly have an exact tip. well, unless ure using a fine-tip marker. and there’s something rly satiating abt having sharp, clean writing or outlining. i was the kid who outlined all my fucking drawings and shaded them in with coloured pencils. miss me w/ tht crayon, marker shit. also, the sound wood makes when its being sharpened? tht was my favourite part.

[03]. if you could dye your hair any colour, what would it be?

honestly ive never thought of dying my hair. i like the colour how it is, which is sort of a darker blonde/slightly goldish shade. im not sure what would fit my face? i can only see myself going beach blonde. i feel like any other colour would be a disaster on my hair and i already damage it enough bc i straighten it every few days.

[04]. which concept would you pick for which group?

i know clc just did a badass concept with their “crystyle” album (which is one of the best albums of 2017 so jot tht the fuck down) and i absolutely adore their cute concepts as well bc we got bops like “pepe” n “high heels” BUT GOD I WANT THEM TO DO ANOTHER BADASS CONCEPT I BECAME ADDICTED TO IT. IT K*LLED ME TO SEE SEUNGHEE IN ALL BLACK WEARING THOSE THIGH-HIGH BOOTS I DI*ED THEN RESURRECTED IN THE SAME BREATH. i find them to be super versatile, they can go either way and ill support them no matter the concept. their quality of music never decreases. but yep, id pick another badass concept for the ladies.

[05]. sweet or sour candy?

sweet sweet sweet!! to be fair i luv pretty much all candies, minus jolly ranchers bc ive consumed so many of them tht if i see another fucking jolly rancher i will strap myself to a rocket. ANYWAYS, definitely sweet. my favourite candies (not keeping chocolate in mind bc chocolate overrules everything) would be swedish berries and werther’s caramel. for sour candies i would choose sour patch kids and sour keys!! obviously i would d*e for candy so let’s just get tht out of the mf’ way.

[06]. favourite quirk of an idol?

oh gosh. imma have 2 think for this one. the image tht comes to me exactly is junhui’s tendency to curl into whoever is next to him! most likely when he does something embarrassing, he retreats into a tiny mass of stuffy giggling and sis, it’s the best thing on the face of this planet. he’s rly such a shy flower. also, joshua’s habit of covering his mouth when he laughs is v v endearing to me. i believe it goes to show his politeness, though it can also be a characteristic of someone who’s timid, to which i think both reasons apply here. i wish i could think of more bc im certain there are a ton belonging 2 my favourite idols, but im highkey drawing a blank.

[07]. would you rename a fandom? what would the name be?

hmm. im not someone who pays close attention to fandom names. hoshi could have very well kept us as mounteens and i wouldnt give a single cherry n a half, though at this point carats is a lot more fitting and we’ve all grown attached to it. honestly, im not tht keen on red velvet and fx’s fandom names? i know tht in red velvet’s case the option “cupcakes” was up for grabs so when in comparison to reveluv’s i’m pretty thankful the latter was chosen. im not entirely sure what i would name the fandom, so respect to whoever is in charge of the titling. as for fx, they deserved to get their fanclub name much sooner. again im not someone who cares a whole lot abt fandom names, but it would have been cool if the fandom was some mathematical formula lol.

[08]. something you want to tell your bias?

BITCH. THE PRESSURE. if i were 2 meet junhui in person i would be such a nervous wreck i wouldnt even trust myself to speak. boi, if i even spotted him on the street i’d beeline in opposite direction so fast i would just be a fucking blur of light and potential tears. there would be many things i’d want to relay to him, honestly if we were just to hang out at a café or some location like tht with the time to talk and understand one another, i’d be like “hold tht thought, gerald” n drop a whole fucking novel on the table with reasons i appreciate him. i guess i’d want junhui to know how his efforts have certainly been acknowledged and that each quirk in his personality brings a lot of comfort/inner happiness to those who are still unsure abt themselves.

i’d also like for him to know tht whilst his visual is amazing, tht is not the only remarkable thing tht makes junhui, junhui. it’s his kindness, gentle heart, and optimism. essentially i’d want him to know tht his hard work is being noticed, how much delight he brings by being himself, and tht he has many qualities he should be confident in.

[09]. which kpop M/V would you want, and not want, to get stuck in?

i’ve already answered the first half 2 this question in a previous ask, but red velvet’s ice cream cake! it has to be one of my all-time favourite music videos solely bc i luv the usage of soft colours. not to mention they’re having hella fun with their fuzzy glow-coats and dancing around a parlour eating cake? like what the fuck, i don’t know what kind of cult this is but i want in! also tht means i would get to be joy’s lesbian luver and nothing else brings me greater elation.

a kpop music video i would not want to get stuck in is exo - wolf. there doesnt need to be an explanation. we already know the answer.

[10]. which AU have you always wanted to write but haven’t?

okay, first of all, bitch. there are abt one million au’s i wanna explore so inexplicably bad but i just havent gotten the time or the energy to compile the research/plan the plot. for starters, since opening this blog over two years ago, ive always wanted to write something with a serial killer. which sounds a bit scary and fucked but i absolutely lov thriller/horror movies. ive watched pretty much all of them. i find the suspension and how the scenes manipulate your body to be something unique in tht moment and to build the talent to be able to write such an AU would be my mf’ goal. it would most likely be very long and graphic, but my descriptive brain would chew tht up.

more au’s bordering along the dark line would be ghosts, vampires and demons. those are most fascinating to me. if a softer light, i’d like to write a surfer!au (specifically for joshua) and an android!au.

[11]. use a meme to describe how your 2017 went and how you want your 2018 to go.

my 2017 was somethin like this:

and i’d like my 2018 to be a lil like this:

[MY QUESTIONS]

01: would you rather explore outer space or the ocean? 02: do you wear any makeup? 03: two idol groups you’d like to collab? 04: if you could only listen to three svt songs, what would they be? 05: dusk or dawn? 06: show a picture of your handwriting? 07: what is your favourite word that’s in another language? 08: the countryside or the city? 09: what’s better in a muse, humour or kindness? 10: choose three idols. one to be your best friend, bro/sis, and spouse. 11: something you didnt do in 2017 that you want to do in 2018?

don’t feel tht this tag is mandatory! i hope everyone has been staying healthy n well n i wish for u all 2 experience good things in the new year! <3

[hycrans]

( the cuteST )

a bitch is Tired rn after pulling my usual shit, aka staying up until 5am for no reason only to wake up three hours later to watch bts run, so excuse the seeming lack of enthusiasm lkfdsjglk. hey i’m jules, i’m 20, canadian, and my current means of life rn are chocolate, the x files ( iM LATE IK SFGDJLK ) and 3am you in me listening parties with myself rip !! it’s been almost a month since its release, i need to Relax dammit. i’m a uni student who just got off for christmas break and in love with sowoo so you don’t wanna know the agony that came with picking one over the other without a bit of help. you can hmu on d*scord at HAPPY S*OKJIN DAY#2030 ( don’t.. call me out for not having an updated name since his birthday’s passed, i’m not v bright pls ) if you’d like and this is so boRING, it’s like the life is sucked out of me omg. anyways hyeran, a whole.. other positive muse bc jesus, how many of these do i have rn ?? this is so out of hand man, but nonetheless here’s a bit abt the brat:

- ̗̀ JEON SOMIN, CISFEMALE, SHE/HER ̖́- – have you seen YUN HYERAN? people’ve said the TWENTY TWO year old has been running around the streets of jeju lately, which is odd because aren’t they a BARISTA/MUSIC PRODUCER during the day? anyways, i know they’re known to be EBULLIENT and TRANQUIL but recently i’ve heard they’ve been MAGNANIMOUS and DIFFIDENT, but i could be wrong. ( jules / 20 / gmt-3:30 / she/her )

EDIT: i somehow forgot to mention that she’s.. not sure where she is on the lgbt spectrum but she knows she’s Not Straight JFGDSLKJGK but she’s panromantic so yeah sgjkdl. i’m a whole mess today, i’m sorry lol

yun hyeran, a daegu native with an older and younger brother, an ambivert and an all around baby

tbh i don’t have much of her bg figured out, that’s always the last thing i get to so rip

buT she became involved in music through her father, who studied it in uni and ended up becoming a music instructor with a focus on piano, flute and vocals

her and her mom.. also her older brother, didn’t have the best relationship when she grew older, which seemed to die altogether when her parents divorced and her mom left. but her and her brother’s still exists, it’s just that he’s a bit of a toxic influence on her and she tends to distance herself from him

went to uni in seoul to pursue music like her father ( a daddy’s girl too like ) and found her way into the world of production !! by junior year, she’d transferred out of her original program and majored in that instead and has loved it ever since; she recently graduated

moved to jeju island bc an aunt lived there when she was young and she LOVED to visit, made a few friends there and would always whine abt the next time they could all go see her aunt again. so it made sense for her to live, at least for a little while, in one of her favourite places

she also adores said aunt, her dad’s sister and the maternal figure she Deserves, so she came partially to see her more often

for the time being, she works full-time as a barista at the café just a block from her cute little studio apartment while looking into internships at record labels for her to take on a little further down the line ( no rush bc it’s already quite competitive and she’d rather enjoy what she has going now )

she’s also making something of an income as the creator of an acct on youtube and soundcloud for her music, something she’s had for abt two years now

she’s not even close to making it big yet, and she doesn’t mind if she never works for a moderately to highly popular label — though she should if she wants to get by

among the aesthetic, lo-fi music crowd ( one of those yt accts with a livestream for certain playlists that go on for hours, rip ) where for the most part, it’s personal faves mixed with her own works, and has a substantial following as of now. but has an interest in experimenting, with mashups ( as a lover of them ?? i couldn’t help myself sgflkdsjg ) for example, with a small fear of how that change would be received

this is so short iK, it’s a little infuriating if you ask me ljkgdfjls

in terms of her personality and other things:

she’s a very loyal person, v e r y. while like i said, her relationship with her brother is Not Great, she hasn’t completely given up on him. maybe for the time being, but her being someone who’s open to the idea of people changing for the better somewhere down the line, leaves a bit of room for her to possibly change her mind if he does enough to allow her to consider it

so she can be a bit of a doormat in some cases, it all depends on how she sees the person that determines if that’s the case, but she generally won’t let you off if you’re being dumb/an ass to someone or if she gets advantageous vibes from you for example ( given she can.. be a little naive and is a p gentle soul ) so.. idk fgklsj good luck to the 99% ig ??

she does have a slight dependency on others despite her thinking all signs point to the opposite, and even though her and her mom never rly had a good relationship she still reels from the neglect/abandonment some days so handle her with Care if she deems you a close pal, 

spontaneous tbh, moving to jeju was a little last minute on her part, for one

she’s a little reclusive when focused on something, if she tells you she’s working on a track, it’s essentially a head’s up that you might not see her for a couple of days depending on how soon she gets it done — lowkey that bitch™ who makes up an illness to her boss, so she wouldn’t even show up for work if it’s more than just her fucking around

bc admittedly, a lot of what she posts is fucking around and liking it, her more thought-out and effort packed projects are hidden away on her laptop

a bit insecure with her work and just her general disposition ?? those first few points above mess with her a lot and leave her disheartened so.. my poor child

v strong overall, takes people’s shit and if it gets to her, she gets over it p fast. doesn’t dwell on much and will be courteous to you even if she’s declared you too toxic to stick around 24/7

isn’t exactly one to get angry ?? she’s basically just disappointed or annoyed at best 99% of the time, it takes a lot to get her beyond that

positive, ugh. maybe not sickeningly sweet, but still. kinda explained parts of it above and i’m 95% gone mentally rn, gotta spare that for other little details gsjklf

a cute bean who wants the best for everyone and is also clumsy as absolute fuCK

uhhh

plays piano and bass guitar ( you don’t know how tempted i was to say clarinet bc of jiwoo gjflkgds )

prob had some kind of little amateur rock band with a few music majors and took up bass for the hell of it lmao

loves animals, leans towards cats or big dogs. corgis and those little spaniels get a pass tho

speaking of, she has a cute little calico kitten ( i’m shit with pet names so that’s tba rgkjls ) who she Loves, her baby !!

sweater, ball cap and basic t shirt junkie

those glasses somin’s been wearing a lot of lately ?? hyeran wears them too but.. actually needs them, not even close to a fashion statement

doesn’t don much makeup unless someone’s dragging her to a party or something

thaT’S when she looks a little more like a classy early twenties bitch.. which lbr, is hard enough when adulthood is a whole Train Wreck for the most part LGFJSDL

not a heavy drinker, but the textbook definition of a lightweight so.. she’s always praying for anyone who has to deal with her dgfjklsfg

lattes are her livelihood

a bit of a hopeless romantic, god help her

her favourite subject in school was literature/writing and reads quite a bit on her breaks at the café

favourite music genres.. it’s easier to say what she doesn’t like/finds boring, which is prob country and some aspects of edm/pop, not into punk/metal either

these are super basic but.. i’ve gotta get myself together for the day so this’ll do for now i hope ??

so if you’d like to plot, im me here or on d*scord ! i prefer the latter personally, but whichever’s easiest for you. i have a list of a few of the specific wcs i have in mind ( for the time being, catch my lazy ass avoid listing all the basic ones and revising a few i have on an old blog ) for hyeran up now, which you can find here, so just lmk if any of them appeal to you !!

[yumeka36]

Disney Musing 02: Mother Gothel

I love Tangled but there are some things about it that I feel needed to be elaborated on, all having to do with its respective villain, Mother Gothel.

First off, one thing that always bothered me: why would Mother Gothel tell Rapunzel her real birthday, and thus have her end up associating the lanterns with that day? (and make it easier for her to figure out that she’s the lost princess?) I’m sure she knew Rapunzel’s birthday before she even stole her, since it’s likely it was announced all throughout the kingdom. We can also assume that Gothel must have noticed the lanterns before Rapunzel was old enough to start asking questions about it. So when that time came, why would she tell Rapunzel her birthday is that day when she could have lied to her and made her birthday literally any other day? If I were trying to keep my “daughter’s” true identity a secret, giving her a bogus birthday would be a must-do! I know the entire plot of Tangled stems from Rapunzel associating the lanterns with her birthday, so I can see why it’s a thing, but I wish her way of finding out about it made more sense.

Another thing I wish was explored more with Mother Gothel – what the heck does she do with all her free time? Going by how old she looked when she found the flower plus the 18 years she spent with Rapunzel, she’s probably lived about 100 or so years. What was she doing all that time? Even if we’re just talking about the latter part of her life when she was with Rapunzel, it seems like she leaves her alone in the tower a lot to go…out to the kingdom to buy food and such? She wants to live forever just to do the same mundane things everyday (and it’s not like she actually loves Rapunzel and wants to live forever so she can be with her). I guess an obsession with immorality/crippling fear of death is reason enough to make someone do that, but still, wish we had a little bit of an idea of what she did all those years besides deceive Rapunzel.

And what about Gothel’s tower – who built it and why? It seems like an inconvenient place to live, being so high up and in the middle of the forest. Either someone built it and lived there (hermits?) for some amount of time before Gothel took it over (did the original occupants die? Move out? Or maybe Gothel killed them!) There’s no way Gothel herself built the tower so maybe, if she did have some kind of family in her younger years, maybe one of them built it and she ended up having it all to herself? Who knows. But I do know that there’s no way the castle guards could have missed that tower when they were searching for the princess on the night she was stolen. It’s established that it’s within a day’s horse ride from the kingdom so they must have investigated it during the search. So we have to assume that Gothel somehow evaded the guards that night even when they went inside the tower (they must have if they wanted to be thorough). Maybe she followed them on their search, staying just out of sight and only went back to the tower after they finished investigating it.

Luckily none of these little plot holes are enough to distract from my overall enjoyment of Tangled. Still think they’re worth musing over and wish they could have been elaborated on more, even just a little bit ;)

Screencaps courtesy of DisneyScreencaps.com

*Crossposted from my main blog, Yume Dimension*