#[ I really don't want to discuss this a lot ]

[absolutebl]

2024 BL - Top 10 Trend Report

In last year's rend report I said:

"I think Taiwan has the chops to give us something as good as The 8th Sense or Old Fashion Cupcake but in their style, and I would like to see them exercise their talent for good rather than just profit."

And Unknown happened.

I asked for it, they gave it to me. I could not be more happy. So anyway, I just wanted to crow a bit.

And now...

2024's TRENDS!

1 Trope Subversion Levels Up

My Stand In went so far as to subvert the whole damn romance genre. But in general we saw a lot of BL recognizing, highlighting and calling out it's own absurdities and tropes. From Korea commenting on the Dead Fish Kiss to Wandee Gooodday actually promoting green flag behavior (the real deal).

It was an interesting year for meta commentary, it kind of whole scale left parody behind (say goodbye, Japan) and entered almost every BL from Thailand, even the ones who should have left it alone. (Side eyes Mame.)

2 Old Tropes Revisited

Unknown revisited the step-brother trope (as did Addicted Heroin of course). But there were other old ones we haven't seen in ages, like kidnapping for love, kissing on rooftops, and all the dub con (Blossom). Love Sick rebooted with very little modernization (except where it counted) right up to and including no kisses. Mix Up even did "trapped on the rooftop" which I haven't seen in over a decade.

And then Wimpy dropped. And it felt like I was reading yaoi in my tiny attic bedroom in the 90s.

3 BL Enters All the Workplaces

I love how many adult leads and sides we are getting, even from Thailand. By which I mean, BL outside of a school setting. We still have high school and university set stuff, but that used to be ALL we got. I don't mind school settings, but I like that we have some kind of balance going on these days.

We are starting to get not just cubicles and offices (as Japan foretold) but all kinds of workplaces from retail to authors to the film industry.

4 BL Passes the Sniff Test

He smells good has always been a trope that I love. It was one of my favorite things about Bad Buddy. But this year it felt like every third BL trotted this one out. I was delighted by it. Of course I was. But it happened A LOT.

Century of Love was a key use of it since smell is so coupled to memory, I thought they dealt with it particularly well. But even Japan and Korea deployed the sniff test.

(Seoul Blues)

(Blue Boys) Same actors, different characters.

Pitt Babe

Century of Love

Meet You at the Blossom

Soul Blues

Blue Boys

Dangerous Romance

This Love Doesn't Have Long Beans

Cosmetic Playlover

Sunset X Vibes

Monster Next Door

Secret Love

Perfect 10 Liners (technically a 2025 show, but the sniff happened in 2024)

5 Fewer Shipper Characters within BL

Negative trends are always harder to call (it's easier to track the presence of something over the absence) but I'm still calling this one.

In a discussion of The Shipper @heretherebedork and I got into a discussion about this. It really seems like both we are getting less "female shipper" characters and/or they are evolving into overly interested but very supportive female friends instead. Softening, if you will.

I think partly this is because there has been a general decline in this archetype in yaoi over the past 5-10 years, but also they tend to incur pretty bad reactions in fans, and Thailand (especially) tends to pay attention to that kind of thing.

Unfortunately this also means we are seeing a worsening of the "no female representation at all" backbone of BL. We Are, which I loved, didn't have a single female character. Not even a throw away.

6 The rise of the green flag seme!

The seme (active attacker in the relationship) got a lot of green flag action this year. We saw lots of Dommy boys, Daddy types, and players asking for permission, trying to communicate, talking about safe sex. Particularly out of Thailand.

To make sure this is clear, green flag means he communicates about the relationship and sex, takes no for an answer, asks for permission for (almost) everything, and doesn't do things like (just spitballing here) take a hotel room key and go into the other mans private room when he's not around (or asleep). Okay? Christ on a cracker. (When it comes to flags Mame has red/green colorblindness.)

Some examples:

Alan from Pit Babe

God from Monster Next Door (except for the one journal reading incident)

Sun from Sunset X Vibes (almost too far)

Yak from Wandee Goodday

Latte from Knock Knock Boys

7 Japan Came to PLAY

Japan came to play and will not leave the field that they built. I may not always like JBL, but when I love it, I REALLY LOVE IT, and when it hits it hit hard (pain or joy). And even when I don't like it, it always gives me a lot to think about.

We had 19 JBLs in 2024:

Sahara-sensei to Toki-kun

At 25:00, in Alaska

Dominant Yakuza and Wimpy Corporate Slave

I Became the Main Role of a BL

Love in the Air: Koi no Yokan

Takara's Treasure

Although I Love You and You

I Hear the Sunspot

Living With Him

Love is Better the Second Time Around

Love is Like a Poison

Perfect Propose

Cosmetic Playlover

Sugar Dog Life

0.5D

Let's Eat Together Aki and Haru 2

Mitsuya-sensei no keimakutekina ezuke

Happy of the End

Ossans Love Season 2

Japan had 18 total BLs in 2023.

17-15 in 2022 (a couple I couldn't get hold of and a couple I just don't think are BL, so 2022 is vague).

7 in 2021. <- THAT was when the big jump occurred, 3 years ago. Which might have more to do with the pandemic than anything else.

But back to now: 19 in 2024 means they are actually just increasing their production gradually and in a steady way, as might be expected. In round numbers we didn't see anything unusual.

BUT

The series they've been airing in 2024 are running longer (for them) and being aired over longer periods of time. Not to mention getting better and quicker distribution.

By which I mean, Japan used to have more shorts and movies, less actual series with full run times (by their & Korea's BL industry length standard) on streaming platforms. So I think it's JBL runtime and distribution that is experiencing real growth. And the consistency of that runtime.

In other words, it feels like there are more JBL airing because we have access to most of them (for a change) and they're running long enough to cross into each other (which has been rare in the past).

What's almost more interesting to me is...

8 What the hell happened, Korea?

Korea cut back on their BLs in 2024. I am not sure if that's money drying up, a crack down within the industry over there, the political situation, or something else.

Still, it was wild to see such a stark fall off in production. They had 18 BLs in 2024 but fully half of them were shorts, and more than half were poor production quality than is prior standard. By contrast they had 21 in 2023, but only 1 was a short, and most were very high production (getting 8/10 or higher from me).

Since Korea tends to produce some of my favorite shows, it's no surprise I had no 10/10 BLs at all in 2024 with so little KBL's stepping up to the plate.

I sure hope this isn't a trend but it feels like it might be.

9 Why the hell is the not-kiss back?

Korea doubled down on being a pain in 2024 by bringing back the "they don't actually touch lips and we pretend they did by panning around the back of the head" with the camera. (Jazz for 2 sides, example. Yes, I'm still mad.)

Then Thailand did the with Addicted Heroin. AND with Love Sick.

What is this, 2016?

Color me annoyed. I thought we saw the last of that nonsense with Make It Right.

I remind you all, if they would kiss if they het but they don't kiss when they gay, it smacks of a phobia and I'm salty about it.

Yes yes, there are actor (idol, age) excuses in play. But they should cast differently if this is going to be a problem.

End of discussion.

No really, I don't wanna talk about it. I just want it to go away.

10 The rise of Great Grandmas

We have had cool grandmas before in BL but in 2024 we had so many of them. The Sign, Love for Love’s Sake, Monster Next Door, Jack & Joker, Every You Every Me, The Rebound, Wandee Goodday.

(thanks to @small-dark-and-delicious for bringing this one to my attention)

See the comments for additional discussion of the "why" behind some of these trends as well as a few I missed.

(source)

2023's Trends report here.

[simvanie]

7 Sins Legacy - generation 5 (gluttony)

Gulshan: You look gorgeous. Temperance: I did my best. After all, you did tell me to dress up for tonight... Which also made me curious. Why?

Gulshan: I- ...just wanted to do something special for you. I made us one of my best dishes and even got the Von Haunt Estate Merlot, your favorite wine-

Temperance: Wait. Gulshan: ...Yeah? Temperance: I need to tell you something. You know I haven't been feeling too well physically lately...

Gulshan: Yeah, I know. Temperance: So I called the doctor yesterday. Just to be sure. And I told her my symptoms. And she uh...-

-She told me to take a pregnancy test so she could rule out some causes if it was negative, and to make an appointment if it turned out to be positive... So I went to see her this afternoon. Gulshan: But she told you to see her if... IT WAS POSITIVE?!

Temperance: Yes! I wanted to tell you in person when I got home, but I also didn't want the news to completely overtake what you've planned for tonight. Gulshan: No, don't worry. I- wow... I know we've discussed having kids at some point, I just wasn't expecting it to happen so soon-

Temperance: Wait, there's more... Literally. The doctor had me get an ultrasound to check if everyting is alright, which luckily is the case, and then she found out that... Gulshan, we're having twins.

Gulshan: Tw- TWINS?! But I only ordered one! I mean- one at a time at least!

Temperance couldn't help but laugh. And seeing her so happy about the news that she's pregnant seemed to help calm the stress Gulshan could suddenly feel in his chest.

Temperance: I know! I was surprised too! Although we both should've known that especially you don't always get what you order- Lord Hamlet: Oink? 🧐

Gulshan: AH! Hamlet! God, you scared me... Don't look at me like that. We discussed this! You know that you ending up being the wrong order is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Look, right now isn't really the best time-

-I left some food for you in the kitchen. And I promise that I'll give you lots of cuddles tonight if you stay there until your mom and I are done here, okay? Now go and see if you can find what I made for you.

Lord Hamlet: OINKOINKOINK! 😃 Temperance: See? You have nothing to worry about. One baby or two, I can already tell that you'll be an amazing dad.

Gulshan: That's not- ...what I'm worried about. The restaurant isn't financially where it should be and now we're going to have two kids. TWO, Temperance. That means we'll have to get everything double. Double the clothes, diapers, toys-

-How can I be sure that we'll be able to give them everything they deserve? Temperance: You worry too much, you know that? Trust yourself. We'll make it work, I know we will.

Gulshan: ...I'm sorry, it was just a lot to take in all at once. But you're right- Whatever it takes, we'll make it work. I love you, Temperance. There is no one I'd rather do this with than you, and that's why I want to ask you something...

[strangersteddierthings]

Platonic Stobin bodyswap AU idea I'll never write. This has been in my drafts for over a year (since July 2023 per the timestamp)

Post season 3; During the season 3 bathroom confession scene Robin came out to Steve, and Steve came out to her. She knows he's bi, and she's the only one who knows. Swap starts off slowly for Steve and Robin. Little moments of vertigo where the world doesn't look right for a few seconds, that progresses to black out periods of time spanning 5-15 minutes. It's them switching bodies but it's so traumatizing (they are FREAKING out) that they don't remember it. So, it's like they're just losing moments in time, which still freaks them out.

Then one day they wake up and they're... each other. And they just don't go back.

And Steve can't really pass as Robin to her parents but thankfully they just blame it on 'moody teenage angst' and "you can talk to us about anything babygirl we love you so much and we're here when you need us." Which. Yeah, Steve cries about. But it also comes with the side of GOD FUCKING DAMMIT I HAVE TO FINISH HIGH SCHOOL AGAIN??? I CAN'T PLAY THE TRUMPET ROBIN YOU HAVE TO DROP OUT OF BAND

And Robin also cannot pass as Steve at first, but she gets to see how that matters exactly 0% because the Harrington's don't even notice. They also aren't around near as much as Steve makes them out to be. But she does get to enjoy the freedom of a legal drivers license and no job currently. HOWEVER she has walked Steve's pretty face into several doors/poles/walls because cute girls keep looking at her with hunger in their eyes and she doesn't know how to handle this.

(It makes more girls interested in a suddenly shy, stumbling, nervous Steve because those girls think they're the reason Confident Sex God Steve turns into a mess but really it's just Robin not knowing how to exist in a world where woman want her and fish fear her (sorry bad joke))

Anyway, queue shenanigannary for a bit. Steve encourages Robin to go on dates because why not get some practice in while they wait to swap back again? (he's holding out hope)

Do they have the awkward discussion of 'what are the limits to what I'm allowed to do in your body????? I dunno yet.

Anyway, Robin goes on dates. ((Does she end up going on a date with Vickie? Canonically Vickie's got no problem dating older boys? How to solve this plot line for when(if?) they switch back bodies? IDK dudes, that's Future Jess's issue.))

At some point, the gang finds out. Probably Dustin realizing Steve isn't as Steve-like as usual. He'd sniff out something was wrong with his brother for sure.

But then season 4 starts. Robin taught Steve how to play the trumpet back in August/Sept and it's then they realize that they kind of share their knowledge? Like... Steve picks up how to play the trumpet EASY. At first they think it's just Robin's body using muscle memory but then Robin realizes she knows things only Steve should.

Anyway, Steve is in band with Vickie the night of the Championshipgame, chatting easily while also trying to hint that 'Hey, I think Steve Harrington is checking you out???" while trying to tell Robin with telepathy (that they don't have... yet? Decide if they end up with telepathy later) to try and subtly check out Vickie. But neither girl is subtle so they both just whip around to stare at each other and Steve is facepalming.

NO WAIT. DO I MAKE CHANGES TO THE NARRATIVE BECAUSE IF STEVE IS IN HIGH SCHOOL AGAIN, THERE IS NO WAY HE'D LET DUSTIN AND MIKE SKIP OUT ON THE CHAMPIONSHIP GAME. Maybe??? Will decide on this point later. Until then, above points stay.

Anyway, Chrissy still dies (sorry) and Eddie's still on the run, but like this time in the boathouse, Robin invites Eddie to stay at 'his' big empty house 'cause the parents are gone and Robin has no hangups about Eddie like Steve did in canon (he is the first person we hear call Eddie The Freak).

The end point here is that Robin, Steve, and Eddie spend A LOT of time together at Steve's house and then the angst falls in because Steve starts to fall in love with Eddie.

So, he has a breakdown in a bathroom with Robin about it, all sad and crying like "I really fuckin' like him Robs, but I can't- there- we can't-"

"I need you to take a breath and tell me what the issue is," Robin says.

"I like him Robs, but this is your body. I can't take things from you. Like your first kiss. And I certainly can't- I won't put your body through... you know. I can't do that to you."

And it takes Robin a moment to process what he means. Romantic entanglements that Steve might want to have would have to happen with her body. And maybe Robin isn't sure what to say/do because the thought of a guy and his dick anywhere near her body immediately freaks her out but... she's not in her body. She's in Steves, and has been doing things with girls in it. It never occurred to her that Steve might want to get hot and heavy with a guy in her body and maybe she's got something to unpack there???

Anyway, no time to worry about that. Vecna's gonna kill Max so they gotta go. Also, Eddie does NOT know about the body swap.

She does tell Steve to kiss Eddie, though, in the end. When they're not sure they'll live. So, Eddie calls out to Steve. "Make him pay." So, to Eddie, it looks like Steve gives him a nod and it's Robin who marches up, grabs his face, and plants one on him. Robin(Steve) doesn't stick around long enough for Eddie to kiss back (Steve wants him to because he wants a proper kiss from Eddie, but he also doesn't want him to because Eddie thinks he's kissing Robin and if he kisses back it means he likes Robin, not Steve, so Steve doesn't lock lips long enough find out).

Something something they all survive and then Eddie, hopped up on pain meds in the hospital, demands to speak to Robin. So, Steve slinks in, afraid of what's going to happen, and Eddie's like 'Robin. I appreciate that you like me but you are unfortunately a girl and I am not into that.' And Steve is like!!! my time!! It's come!!! I HAVE to get back to my body.

And then at some point they switch back. Maybe El doing some mind fuckery? Idk.

And for fun, here's the beginning of the fic that idea written out:

"Whoa," Steve blinks rapidly as the world tilts and shifts. It's very sudden, and over just as quickly as it started, but it still leaves Steve unanchored for a moment. It was probably brought on by the concussion he's been nursing these last two days, since the whole Starcourt shit. He leans sideways to try and use the wall as an anchor until everything feel right again.

He should, probably, be more concerned about this because this has been like, the fourth time this has happened and when he told Robin about it, she confessed it was happening to her, too. That Owens guy had told them there could be unknown side effects to whatever the fuck they'd been injected with and this might just be part of that. It'll fade, Steve's sure, as the days go on. Never mind that it has been happening more lately. It's going to fade. It has to.

Except, it doesn't. The sensation of be unanchored gets worse, and now it comes accompanied with loss of time. Steve will feel the tilt and shift while standing in the doorway to his room and the next thing he knows he's got a hand on his front door, keys in his hand, and doesn't know where he was trying to go.

Ring Ring

Steve shakes his head, shakes away the feeling of wrongness and goes to answer the phone. "Harrington residence, Steve speaking."

"Steve! Steve, it's getting worse!" Robin's voice sobs at him from the other end of the phone. "I-I was in the kitchen and then I was, like, huddled in the bathroom and I don't remember going there."

"Fuck, me too. I just came to standing at my front door, about to leave but I don't remember getting there, or where I was planning to go," Steve confesses back. It's strange, how easily Robin has become a part of his life. He was expecting her to not want to be withing five miles of him ever again, after what he got her dragged into, but it seems Robin isn't scared away. Perhaps it's just that he's the only other person she knows who went through Russian torture. Even if that is the case, Steve'll take it. He likes Robin a lot.

"Should we... call Dr. Owens?" Robin sounds so small when she asks.

"I don't want to," Steve confesses but doesn't elaborate. Calling Dr. Owens means admitting that something is wrong wrong. Steve doesn't want anything to be that wrong. He wants to get back to his life. He's got to get back to job searching, too, and Dr. Owens might deny him that.

[legendaryvermin]

You framing the opinion that opinion "art is worthy because of skill and effort" as ableist seems to be carrying some unexamined bias of its own. Disabled people can and do expend effort and develop skill, and the specifics of that skill and effort are going to look different depending on the person and their disability. Believing that art is valuable because of human effort and believing that disabled people make real art, in other words, are not mutually exclusive beliefs. You seem to have mistakenly conflated them.

See, part of being an ally to disabled folks- and like, let's be real, allyship in general- is that it's the job of people who want to be allies to listen to what people are actually asking for, and then to show up to make sure that they get what they asked for. All too often, marginalized groups are given solutions to their problems by well meaning members of the majority that don't actually meet their needs. It's all well and good to build a ramp that leads into city hall, but if the chambers at city hall are on the second floor and there's no elevator, we haven't really made that building accessible, have we?

My feed isn't yours, but: every time *I've* seen discourse about text-to-art and disability, what I see in the discussions are a ton of disabled folks saying "hey, none of us asked for text-to-art, and we don't like it". I see a lot of is disabled artists talking about what tools or techniques they themselves (or other folks with similar disabilities) use to make art, none of which are text-to-art. Even if someone with a disability out there is clamoring for this as the solution they need, I *still* see way more disabled people saying something else that I think is way more important to listen to:

"Please stop saying bring up people with disabilities as the use case for this technology."

So yeah, maybe some dipshits are being ableist and posting inspoporn. Chiding assholes who speak over disabled artists by defending text-to-art as a necessity for disabled artists? Kinda just seems like more speaking over disabled artists from where I'm standing.

i dont think its necessarily ableist to hate AI art, but if you then qualify that by arguing that art derives its meaning from the effort and skill that went into it then you're being kinda ableist

[shitpostingsapphic]

Do you even think about how the most critical part of the fandom never holds Mel to the same standards as Cait? Do you ever think about how Mel also had money, and power, and privilege just like Cait but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a post accusing her of classism? Do you ever think about how Mel was on the council and could have used her skills at influencing people at any time to advocate for the people of Zaun but instead she used it to play politics with the other counsellors? Because I do

(As a side note I love Mel and I love her character but yeah this is really something that I find Interesting)

It's just to earn brownie points for being "good political allies". They don't consciously think about the politics themselves, or are willing to have civilized and thoughtful discussions about it. Because you're right, Mel is in some ways even more complicit than Caitlyn because she was a councilor for YEARS, possibly more than a decade before the events of s2. She was also shown to have clear influence over the other council members from the first episode. She played the political game very well. She could have done a lot. But doesn't. And we could talk about it as a fandom, but we tend to not do so.

Which is a damn shame that they don't want to discuss her character, because Mel is well liked, and for good reason, including her morally grey parts, because it makes her interesting. Mel's arc in s1 is all about her navigating her privilege and wealth and political corruption. Not unlike Caitlyn in s2. I don't know if it's because Mel's position is more subtle and Caitlyn, being a commander and in a more overtly action oriented and sometimes forceful position, calls more attention. But either way, yes, there's definitely double standards. And it's very notable that Mel was a fan favorite in s1, and Caitlyn gathered a lot of hate in s2, despite their arcs having a lot of similarities.

It's a shame we aren't discussing caitlyn as a fandom in the same way, that she's a good character BECAUSE she's morally grey and that makes her interesting. Coming out of s2, her arc is the one I'm most intrigued by. (Followed closely by Vi's, which is deeply misunderstood and overhated, but I've made several posts on that already.)

[cjlouwho]

You should just respond to all obvious bait anons with more BottomTommy smut. And the more obvious the bait is, the more detailed you get in describing what’s going on *eagerly awaits more smut*

nice asks get you smut too! can also be found on ao3, along with the first two parts.

They did, eventually, really talk. A full conversation, along with some fighting, and even more fucking. By the time the sun rose, they were exhausted for more than one reason, and slept side by side until it was time for them both to get up and head out for their shifts.

The next week included many dates, discussions, sleepovers, and lots and lots of fucking.

Buck wasn't surprised when he got a text from Tommy, asking him to come over to his place after work.

Door's unlocked, just come in.

What did surprise him was finding Tommy lying in bed, completely naked with legs spread wide, working one of Buck's favorite toys in and out of his ass.

Buck sucked in a breath, muttering out a "fuck" as he watched Tommy's red, puffy hole clench around the toy.

Tommy, with his mouth half open and gaze directly at Buck, managed a smile before the toy hit right against his prostate. He groaned, his head dropping back against the pillow.

Buck swallowed hard as he moved toward the bed. He pulled off his shirt in one quick motion and had had his pants undone and tossed aside before he reached Tommy.

"How long have you been here, Tommy?" Buck asked, his fingertips lightly circling Tommy's hole.

"Mmm," Tommy moaned. "Bout- bout an hour. W- waiting on you."

"Shit." Buck took off his boxer briefs and climbed up on the bed, kneeling down between Tommy's legs. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to Tommy's hand, then gently took hold of his wrist and moved his hand to the bed. He took control of the toy, working it in and out of Tommy slowly, twisting it at the spot that always drove him crazy.

Tommy grabbed at the sheets, lifting his hips and moving to meet each thrust.

Even though it hadn't been long, Buck felt like Tommy was a totally different person now- in the best way. It wasn't that Buck felt like he'd been lying before, but he definitely had kept his wants and needs and desires to himself.

He'd been restrained. And in one of their late night conversations, he'd promised Buck that he wouldn't do that anymore. He would give himself over to Buck without fear or worry, and Buck promised the same.

What Buck didn't realize is just how much of that restraint had been in the bedroom. It wasn't that Tommy was holding back on wild kinks that he had, or that he hated a certain position that Buck loved. It was the fact that he had been so much quieter before. Not silent, just quieter.

Not anymore though.

And it drove Buck wild.

"Evan, I- oh, shit- I'm not gonna last much longer. Please, please g- get in me."

Buck didn't have to be told twice. He moved up Tommy's body and pressed a searing kiss against his lips as he pulled out the toy. Tommy whined at the loss, and Buck couldn't help but smile.

"Give me a second," he said, reaching out for the lube on the nightstand.

"One," Tommy counted impatiently, lazily jerking himself off while Buck got himself ready.

Buck laughed. "I thought I was the impatient one."

He lined himself up and slowly worked his way inside, mostly to hear the long, drawn out moan that came out of Tommy's mouth until he bottomed out.

Buck laid over him, kissing along his neck, his jaw, his cheek, until he reached his lips. "I don't think I've ever seen you like this before," he said, moving his hips in little circles. "So... So desperate."

"Mm," Tommy clenched his eyes shut, letting himself feel every centimeter of Buck inside him. "Just... just want you in me," he admitted, "all the time. S'all I think about now."

Buck pushed himself up to gain better leverage. Every thrust pulling little uh, uh, uh's out of Tommy's mouth.

"Wanna feel you when you're not here," Tommy continued. "When I'm, ohfuckyeah, when I'm at work. When you're at work. When I'm in the sky. When we're out somewhere. Doesn't matter. Wanna feel you in me."

"Fucking shit." Buck sat up, grabbing underneath Tommy's knees and pulling him toward him. He began fucking him harder, the bed squeaking with each movement.

Tommy growled, loud and deep, his back arching, "Evan, Evan, yes, fuck me!" he yelled. "I- I'm gonna-" he couldn't even get the words out before he was coming, untouched, all over himself. Shooting all the way up to his chin.

The sight of it had Buck following right after him, shaking as he came inside him.

After a few seconds, he pulled out and dropped down beside Tommy, wrapping an arm around him.

Tommy's body felt tense, causing Buck to sit up on his elbow. "What's wrong?" he asked. "Did I hurt you?"

Tommy shook his head, lips pursed to try and hide a grin. "Just, um, trying to keep you inside," he told him. "I meant it when I said I always wanna feel you in me."

God, Buck could already feel himself getting hard again just at the thought. He moved closer to Tommy, scratching his nails down his chest. "What if I lick it out of you?" he asked. "Would that be okay?"

Tommy pulled him in for a messy kiss. "Yes. Yes, please."

Buck wasted no time in straddling Tommy, kissing his way down his body until he reached his hole. He pressed his lips against the tender skin, told Tommy to relax, and got to work.

[bebsi-cola]

the way people online have reacted to discussions about physical disability by loudly insisting on discussing the category of "mental disability" actually flattens people's understanding of disability and creates a binary, a mind-body dichotomy stronger than anyone who wanted to just talk about physical disability ever did. like firstly, mental disability historically referred to people with intellectual disabilities (ID/IDD). and two, if you say something like "physically disabled only" you're not actually saying what kind of disabilities everyone else has. only that it's not primarily physical. there's disability that don't really fit into the idea of there being only a physical or mental category. many disabilities straddle the line. like i have migraine. it's a common neurological condition, and it disables me. i personally don't care to put it entirely in either "physical" or "mental" because it affects me holistically. if there's a club saying "people with disabilities that physically affected them are welcome", on the basis on migraine alone i could choose to join, or decide not to. nobody is forcing a category onto me. but people insisting that the opposite to physical disability is "mental disability" is forcing us into categories. just... actually be specific. say mental illness or developmental disability or something. you won't get a word to encompass every disability that's not primarily physical without flattening a lot of frankly unrelated disabilities into one category. it is more accurate and useful to use the categories that exist instead of pretending there's only two categories of disability (physical vs mental) and that they're opposites. for context i have a physical disability, a neurodevelopmental disability (autism), mental illness, and my migraine/neurological issue. those last three are different. i would go to different groups to relate to others with those issues, like for example an autism peer support group or mental health support group. they don't need to be encompassed by "mental disabilities" and treated all the same

[exilley]

I hope it's okay to add on to this post with some of my own commentary. I agree with everything mentioned here, I'd like to expand on it.

I find myself caught between wanting to be empathetic to those people while remaining enormously personally frustrated by their words and actions, because there isn't necessarily malice when someone claims an experience without acknowledging every single theoretical and semantic nuance... the issue is that they're ignorant of those nuances in the first place, and it perpetuates aimlessness in discourse. People want their struggles to be validated in the eyes of others but the only script they've been taught for self-advocacy neglects mutualism in dialogue-- a lot of posts are still worded in a way that calls into question the reader's integrity/morality if they don't internalize everything outlined in it immediately. A lot of us are also less patient and less sympathetic to others than we'd like to admit... It's to the point where even the handful who do understand these complexities can only use their knowledge simply to negate a point they disagree with, and discussion is effectively shut down when the original poster reacts to their words/experiences being "written over".

The things that hurt us in life are foundational to our sense of selves. Begrudgingly, it makes sense people would want to cling that hurt being something that distinguishes them from others, particularly if they also believe (subconsciously or not) that relinquishing that uniqueness will make their pain less real conceptually. I think what's really important is that we try to place less emphasis on labels and stop romanticizing our alienation from society. That kind of mentality snowballs very quickly into a belief that you are unable to connect with those who don't share your exact experiences and feelings. I'm guilty of indulging those types of thoughts myself, and I want to prove those fatalistic instincts wrong.

I also think that when I see people demanding a *unique* oppression, that they are asking for something impossible and also are very much misunderstanding intersectionality in the first place.

I don't believe any oppression is truly unique. I do think there are faces of oppression that change with the demographic, but more likely than not you as Oppressed Group X have way more in common with Oppressed Group Y than you might think.

But also, Crenshaw's original paper on intersectionality discussed a specific context: black women being skipped over for hire where black men and white women were both getting hired, making that specific context unique to the intersection of black womanhood.

People get skipped over for jobs they are more than qualified for all the time. Even within the paper itself, there is discussion about this happening to black men and white women at other companies, just that this specific company was excluding specifically black women from its pool of candidates due to their specific bias against black women.

Experiencing workplace discrimination and hiring discrimination is not at all unique to black women. The *context* was. It was not "just racism" because black men were being hired, and it was not "just misogyny" because white women were getting hired. It was the intersection of both that resulted in black women being excluded.

When a trans man states that he is being removed from, say, a reproductive rights conversation and it's happening specifically because he is a trans man, what's meant shouldn't be that no one else struggles with reproductive rights. It means that it's not happening to the cis women who are actively leading the conversation, nor is it happening to the cis men who are pitching in. It is, however, happening to anyone with a uterus who is deemed as too "gender devient" to count: trans men, trans women, intersex people, and nonbinary people. Albeit, for different reasons, and the face of which changes depending on the demographic of the person receiving it.

But the conversation around reproductive rights is also one that must include disability, must include race, must include sexuality, must include class, must include age, because these things also have a direct effect on discrimination within the medical field and whether someone truly has access to the autonomy needed to make reproductive choices of their own without others choosing for them.

Similar to how we can understand the context provided in Crenshaw's coining of intersectionality to examine how black women specifically were experiencing something that neither black men nor white women were victim to within that specific example, so too must we understand that these are contextual and circumstantial conversations that will not always be truly unique.

After all, black men and white women do both get rejected for jobs on account of race and gender. Cis women and other marginalized genders frequently must battle for their right to make their own reproductive choices.

But when someone says "this happened to me due to the combination of my race and my gender", we must understand that likely the combination, the intersection, created a unique scenario that cannot be understood by only examining a single piece of that person's identity. So, too, must we understand the same when someone says "this happened due to the combination of my transness and my gender".

So when I see a challenge to name something unique from someone also flinging around the "learn intersectionality" phrase at those who are trying to describe the things that happened to them that hurt them, all I can think is that clearly that person does not understand interaectionality. Nor have they ever actually read the words of the woman who coined it. She's still alive. Her TED talks are on YouTube. Many of her essays are online for free.

Finally, I must remind these people that Crenshaw is not the woman who coined misogynoir, and while both Crenshaw's and Bailey's theories do work in conversation with each other, being discussed by different people does mean there is not a 1-to-1 basis to compare them to. There will be disagreements and inconsistencies between the two because they are two different people.

[ooastralberryoo]

MC who loves otome games

Lucifer acts pretentious at times and expresses that it is quite a strange hobby to have. You are often by his side in his room at his desk when he is working and in order to kill time you find yourself pulling out your handheld device and headphones to play. You don't notice but Lucifer is most definitely taking peeks at your screen maybe not so much peeks but he is full-blown watching until he catches himself and gets back to his paperwork. He also pays attention to how you talk about the characters in the games you play especially your favorite characters "This is a fictional character after all they could not provide much for you...I on the other hand.."

Mammon expresses his disdain right away. Why would you need a fictional character to obsess over when you have a real-life demon aka Mammon! Grumbles to himself while he sits next to you playing an otome game because, at the end of the day, he just wants to spend time with you no matter what you're doing. Next thing you know he is not grumbling insults at the game but instead demanding you to pick certain choices claiming that he knows which one would be the best "Obviously you should choose the third choice ..! Wait! What I meant to say was I really don't see the point of these games is the great Mammon not enough for you!?"

Levi is in a constant state of jealousy and understanding. On one hand, he loves that he has someone so close to him who also enjoys games like that but on the other hand, he tends to compare himself to the characters in the games you play and you often have to reassure him that you like him the way he is. Later on, though, he absolutely loves discussing his favorite otome game stories and characters with you! "Did you play his route yet?? The beginning was kind of slow but later on, he really shows how much he cares for the MC and .. ... .. .. .."

Satan prefers reading romance books but he is willing to indulge in this hobby of yours. After all, it is mostly reading. At first, he tries to act uninterested, making it clear that he does not want to be like Levi but he gets hooked in the end. After watching you play and playing a bit for himself he gets so passionate about the stories and characters and he gets pissed when there's a character who he thinks is not suitable for the MC. "Why the hell would anyone prefer this route over any of the others!? Do they not have taste?!?!"

Asmodeus is intrigued from the start. He has heard of these sorts of games from Levi but whenever Levi discusses them they lead to a long ramble and Asmo doesn't stay interested enough to stay until the end. He watches you play them and plays a bit himself and it immediately inspires him to try new roleplays in the bedroom. He is open to cosplaying as characters in the bedroom as well. He takes pride in the fact that he can learn the ins and outs of your favorite character but still in the end he hopes you favor him the most "Ooh ~ I can see why you like him so much he's so cute! ...But I'm hoping you like someone else a lot more darling"

Beelzebub just so happens to stumble upon you playing one of these games after he gets himself a snack and decides to spend his time eating in your room of all places. He does not have much interest in playing one for himself but he is happy to watch you play while munching on snacks..as long as it does not take too long. Eventually, he will ask you if you want to pause the game and go out to eat, his treat of course! (and this absolutely does not have anything to do with the fact that you are obsessing too much over this certain character.) "Is this the type of person you like MC..? They are not real though..maybe it's time to take a break from the game we should go out to eat now just you and me."

Belphegor forces you to cuddle him to sleep whether you are tired or not so you have learned to keep your phone or a handheld console on hand for this purpose. While lying down with your back turned to Belphagor you put on your earphones and dive into this romance game world but little do you know is Belphie is watching. He pays close attention to whatever you are interested in and this just so happens to be one of them. He does not make it known but you sometimes find it suspicious when he says something that resembles what the character in your game says.. "Hmm what do you mean? You must be tired Let go to sleep now" :)

I wrote this while drinking pls ignore any mistakes imma try to tweak it another day :D ALSO If you reached the end please consider checking out this adults-only otome game community I made on my other account!!

https://www.tumblr.com/communities/otome-game-community

[aakaneeee]

well people. . It's time, aka Akane's monthly revival because there's Luka content. And gosh do I have a lot to say about this. Except.. I'm not going to market these as theories, but as predictions. I think as an og fan I've seen enough to be this confident in my abilities LOL

Quickly, I'd like to address the lyrics and the title, because I will reference it later and I don't want to have to explain mid-prediction.

Wiege has two meanings, and both are so fitting:

1. Cradle. It feels.. perfect, for me. It makes so much sense. Luka was a cold child.. but I'd like to say only physically. I feel like he genuinely warmed up towards Hyuna and Hyunwoo as a child. And I'm going to bring an idea that might get me a bit of backlash but.. I've gotten worse, and that is, that Hyuna is at fault for Luka's approach on his feelings. (Audience boos) From the little we know about Hyunwoo, I feel like Hyuna treated both him and Luka.. at least a little bit similarly. Or at least, Luka couldn't discern a difference, if there was any. Luka is a tube baby, he probably doesn't know (and I am not babying him here, I'd like to add!) what "siblings" he has. For him, affection might just be all and the same. Yes, it wasn't Hyuna's responsibility to teach him, but I feel like a hint was there "Your life is mine", and she could've explained, in a way. But, back to our discussion, Hyuna was Luka's cradle. She burns as bright as the sun, while he's colder. But most importantly, she was his only true friend (Considering I don't think his relationship with Hyunwoo was extremely close, even though they were 'friends'), someone he thought truly cared about him. Hyuna was Luka's cradle, holding him close, comfortable... until at one point, he outgrows that cradle (Hyunwoo's death).

And the second meaning, beginning. In the picture we got, Luka is centered, he's in the middle.. but he's so small, and overshadowed by the tree. Luka is the best performer of the ANAKT, always first, but has no friends. But perhaps, he was better that way. Then, Hyuna comes, and it's a new beginning. He's finally not alone. What I've noticed in the new banner, Luka is missing, but across the tree trunk, in his place, is a taller shadow. Perhaps, a shadow of who Luka was, hopefully still left in there. Or, the other way around, it symbolizes his real self being left there.

And the lyrics:

When I close my eyes,

Play in paradise.

These, to me, remind me of the interview where Luka said his favorite game was hide and seek. In a way, his whole ANAKT life was a game of hide and seek: hiding all the time, but no one trying to seek him. Until Hyuna did, and found him. Something that intrigues me is the "paradise", which to me sounds like what Mizi once said: Dying in competition means returning to the Great Anakt, which I suppose is to them like Heaven.. or Paradise. This will be important later, so remember it.

And now, my predictions for the HyuLuka episode

! First of all, I think the song will be lullaby-like. When I first saw this teaser, with the lyrics, as weird as it sounds, it reminded me of Richard's song in The Hero in TAWOG, a song that always gets me to cry for some reason, and I've been really stuck on that . It would be interesting, because it would fit Luka's voice (as does everything else), but probably not Hyuna's, even though 6FU; would eat it.. which to me, sounds like their "love", where Luka loves her, but it isn't returned. I'd love to see more German in it than just in the title. And considering the nostalgic, pastel, very cutesy artstyle (that reminds me of the memory part from Jordan River animation!), it seems very viable. But the art style is also noisy, which gives an unsettling vibe. It feels like a 2020's dreamcore wallpaper.

I might be crazy, but the hand holding the flower (with only 3 stamens, like the 3 friends) looks dark-skinned, like it would be Hyuna's or Hyunwoo's, but I doubt it would be his, considering it's the account's profile picture. If this is some kind of reference to.. perhaps, an unrequited Hyuluka but the other way around, with Hyuna still not over Luka.. probably won't happen, but God, would that be awesome.

So, how do I think the round will go?

First of all, I have to say, I'm not sure if this will be a round or a Mizisua type episode.😭 I'd say "oh the wait time is way too small" but also... do you guys remember the production announcement of Round 7? Yeah. You can never be sure.

This isn't necessarily a prediction, but more of a suggestion of what could be: It would be SO cool if it would be both.. in a way, merged. This idea just appeared in my mind and I was like OH. MY. GOD. Imagine if almost the whole thing was just them, as children, having fun, a whole backstory.. but then, when Hyunwoo dies, it pans on his face, and then it's back on stage, the loser's face instead of his. It would be so heartwarming, and then DEEPLY DISTURBING and traumatizing. I also really want some Luka and Heperu backstory so I can hate Heperu even more.

On the topic of the loser... It's going to be Luka. I'm an insane Luka lover and it was hard to get accommodated to this idea, but there is no way that he will survive. First of all, the shadow in the account's banner, in place of Luka. It's implications... are quite obvious. Second, the pattern of characters shown in Sweet Dream, and he is next. Third: "In my arms, you would be protected." I feel like Luka would consider the competition "In his arms". I don't think he would break his promise: hear me out for a second. He wouldn't let Hyuna die this way, because I feel like his sense of possession over her also comes with responsibility and protectiveness. And fourth, the Paradise lyric, to me, is a foreshadowing of his death.

I also think he will die by self sacrifice. First of all, there's no way Hyuna could defeat Luka by pure odds. Yes, her stats are better, but lets be honest, her mental power would NOT be as good infront of Luka, and also, the aliens wouldn't vote her. She's a rebel, wanted for so much time, with technically no guardian: they wouldn't want her to defeat their prince, probably. And second, I have made two categories:

The "perfects": Sua, Ivan, Luka

The "rebels": Mizi, Till, Hyuna

See something similar? Both the perfects that are dead, have died by self-sacrifice. The only other dead character, Till, has been shot while reaching for his freedom, so you can't say this is for all characters. And let's be honest.. Patterns are usually being followed in this series. Id also like to add, even though it's a reach, that in a tier of how 'perfect' they are, it'd be:

1. Luka

2. Sua - not so obvious self sacrifice

3. Ivan - obvious self sacrifice

So, I'd say that Luka's might be even more backstage, as if to sabotage himself in a way that seems viable. It also kind of goes in line with his character, he's not one to break facade on stage.

I think this episode will be quite a deep-dive into their true selves. We know the least about them, so this will be GREAT. I'd love to see a more morally gray Hyuna in this. (Since I'm genuinely kind of tired of only Luka being villainized in the ship, which honestly..  is kind of in line with the other perfects. Let's let Mizi, Till and Hyuna be little freaks too) I also want to see atleast a little bit of Hyunwoo, like a little snippet of his mind, what he saw in Luka.

In conclusion, I'm SO happy and hyped about this HyuLuka episode, they're so mysterious and I really really want to see more of L- I mean, more of them. Getting 2 episodes where Luka is present one after another is literally THE dream to me. Basically, Wiege is killing me and I'm gladly letting it.

@4listr Since you asked to be tagged and also, @rockwgooglyeyes I REALLY want your opinion on this

[genderqueerdykes]

I'll be honest, I don't really see the queer community as a community considering how the only thing that connects us is just queerness, cause I see a community as a safe network, which is pretty much unachieveable with this many people who all share diffrent personal views.

i'm not sure what you mean, i hope this is an appropriate response

i totally agree that there are a lot of people with varying experiences that may never relate to each other. people from one identity to another may never relate, but i'd like to point out something that i think people don't consider. that diversity you mention is the exact reason why, in my eyes, queer community is community, and like you said, a safety network

the cool part is that a cis butch lesbian may relate to a gay bear, or a trans man, a trans woman may relate to a cis femme lesbian, polyamorous people may relate to pansexual people, aromantic and asexual people relate, trans and intersex people relate, and so on! just because they're different experiences doesn't mean they don't intersect in productive, meaningful ways

i'd say shift the focus a bit and think about it as many people coming together who bring something unique to the table. it means there's something for everyone. more than enough. the lines in between the boxes disappear. we blend in together instead of staying isolated. general queer spaces are so helpful for people who are questioning, too. maybe some people want to get together to discuss what queer even means. the diversity provides a lot of unique perspectives

that's how i feel, personally, but i do understand where you're coming from. if it's too broad for you, or doesn't feel right then hey, it doesn't have to. i get your point of view, too. everyone has the right to define whether or not those spaces are productive or helpful for them

[breakyourrxles]

❥between two breaths (m) | 𝟡

𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐠𝐞

↳ The surprises keep coming, and after a barely-survived stint at Idol Radio and an unexpected confession from a bandmate; you become a little bit more willing to take on some risks of your own.

kim sunwoo x fem!reader (side lee juyeon x reader) — idol!sunwoo, fan/trainee!reader. forced proximity, forbidden love, friends to lovers, angst, slow burn, idolverse-typical themes regarding; dating, image, public perception, etc. happy ending, plot-heavy!! reader thinks she's nonchalant about it but she rly isn't. smut. [7,2k wc ongoing] cws: heavy themes of wanting-but-can't-having, mild jealousy, explicit sexual content, a little alcohol consumption, dancing on the edge of career suicide, poor decision making because of The Wanting.

❥ masterlist | ao3

"Arguably, that's precisely why we need more private time." Sunwoo grins and then says, "If it's going to keep happening, then it should most definitely be more private."

The door shuts behind you and with a blank stare you say, "This is a really bad idea."

Your manager looks up from the open laptop in front of him, and as if somewhat anticipating the pushback, he sighs heavily and asks, "And why is that?"

"It wasn't that long ago that we had a meeting where we discussed how the company wouldn't even let us be in the same room in front of cameras, now all of a sudden I'm going on his radio show?" Plopping down into a seat, you slump down into it like all of the life is slowly draining from your form. Not far from the truth. "What changed? It doesn't make any sense."

"Welcome to idol life, the company is going to make a lot of changes and decisions that don't make any sense to you. They don't have to. It isn't your job to make sense of them, it's your job to show up and do what you're instructed to do with a smile on your face and little fuss about it."

"So, that's it? Just shut up and let the pieces fall where they may?" you ask.

He pulls his glasses off from his face and sets them on the table, rubs his eyes with the pads of his fingers and says, "I don't want us to have a tumultuous relationship with one another, but there isn't much I can do about it. We are all taking orders from the top, myself included."

There is silence that follows thereafter, and though you understand where he is coming from, the unknown of what is soon to come does not sit atop you without its weight. He must not feel contented by the outcome of this either, because after only a short amount of time passed he speaks up again.

"It's going to generate activity. People who are aware of your history together are going to be tuned in to watch because they're curious about how it's going to look between you now. They want to find something, they want to see something; and if they can't, then they'll probably just make something up. Depending on how this goes the company will then make a decision about how the two of you will be managed as a unit in public going forward."

"Ah." You nod once, a sarcastic acceptance of the plan as it is paid out before you. "If the court of public opinion doesn't go ahead and lambast me online for something that I may or may not even do, then there's going to be more where this came from."

"Essentially, yes." He puts his glasses back on, turns his attention back to the computer and says, "So, let's do our best to minimize negative perception as much as we can. Who knows? Maybe the people will love you together."

You severely doubt that.

Jubi is a powerful vocalist and Nara is firm and outspoken in ways that tend to be divisive. Between the incredible raw talent and a tough temperament, the conversations of the evening tend to have little to do with you. All according to plan, and you're perfectly happy to sit back and bide your time as the minutes of recording tick down toward your freedom.

Watching Sunwoo work like this is fascinating. His idol persona feels like it is an extension of himself but turned up to eleven. Everything is explosive reactions and playful flirting with fans through the large window that looks out over the street. There are so many people outside—people here to see MVNE and Sunwoo alike—and while they appear to be pleased with the way the event is turning out, there is nothing to say that the conversations surrounding it online are anything close to the same peaceful understanding.

You try not to think about it. You watch Jubi and Nara hold their own with little input from you, but you cannot simply sit back in silence and bring nothing to the table. Doing so reeks of some air of guilt; a woman with something shameful to hide, regardless of the nasty truth behind that perception.

Nearing the end of questioning, Sunwoo's attention turns to you. There's a glimmer of something in his eye that you know to be troublesome. Surely, he is smart enough not to invent problems where there doesn't need to be any… Right?

"How does it feel? Being on the other side of idol and fan culture?"

Truth be told, you are not prepared to discuss this topic in any facet whatsoever.

But you cannot react. You are not afforded the luxury of expressing any feelings of discomfort or awkwardness in relation to this question. Everything is an act and playing it cool is of the utmost importance in all situations they may happen to fall upon you. Inside, you are screaming. You want to leap across the room and rip Sunwoo into a headlock, threatening to murder him in front of all of his precious onlookers and really give them something to post about once they get home.

Instead? You smile and cock your head to the side cutely.

"Well, it's different, of course. I would say it's impossible to anticipate what you're getting into when transitioning to the other side. It's easy to believe that you understand so much from being so close to it, but it really is quite a learning experience. Being in fandom was a beautiful part of my life that I could never come to regret, but I also wouldn't give this up for anything in the world, either. I think I'm right where I'm meant to be."

Jubi and Nara both look at you with soft smiles and proud eyes. It's a good answer, but more than that, it's a truthful one.

When filming wraps and you slip away into the green room for your belongings, there's a message waiting for you on your phone.

Manager [21:48]: Not able to accompany you back to your dorm, needed elsewhere for the evening. Sunwoo's manager will ensure that you get back safely. Great work tonight, rest well.

Okay, mildly annoying. Ultimately, this does not disrupt your evening too much though. Jubi and Nara have other late-night schedules to attend to and thus it makes sense that you are not sent to be dealt with by the other MVNE managers, but being sent off with Sunwoo presents a whole different set of difficulties that you are not so in the mood to be dealing with.

Specifically, being seen entering the same car as him.

You roll your eyes to nobody but yourself as you imagine it happening and the potential fallout as a result. Realistically, this should not be a situation, at all. The two of you are labelmates, and in any other job it is not so ridiculous to think that colleagues may share rides and be seen going places together.

Unfortunately, the idol life is no such career choice.

This could be a mess, but you don't really have another option.

Exiting from the venue, you and the other girls walk behind Sunwoo and maintain a substantial amount of space. Many fans are lined up near the vehicles that stand waiting for you, and through excited waves and huge smiles, the four of you continue on towards the moment of truth.

One girl from the crowd shouts Jubi's name and asks where it is that MVNE is headed to next. She says that she hopes you're able to enjoy a nice meal, and though you allow your groupmate to have this interaction, it also serves as the perfect opportunity for you.

Jubi frowns so big that you think it could be seen from space and says, "Nara and I have another schedule to go to! No rest for us, yet!"

"I'll go home and I'll be sure to rest well and eat well," you say, "but I have to go with the other car and send the girls off on their way, unfortunately."

The crowd whines in unison, sad for the fact that you must be split from your friends, and just as it begins dying down you feel a small touch to your arm. A manager urging you to come along and be on your way.

"Time to go! Thank you so much for coming out, it was so much fun! Get warm and have delicious meals together. We'll meet again soon!"

You waste no more time climbing into the van. Your head is down, eyes glued to the cement beneath your feet and trying not to think about any of the curious others that may be watching you on account of all of this. The thoughts have to be pushed away, the worry is not something that you can do anything about, nor is the aftermath of it. 

Sunwoo is standing just beside the open door, and though you pass him to get inside, you don't look at him, either.

Fan interaction carries on even once the van pulls away, and you have no other option than to swallow down the welling anxiety inside of you and engage with just as much enthusiasm as before.

Once the last face has disappeared into the dark distance, the windows roll back up and you all but melt into the leather seat beneath you.

There is no peace for you here, however.

Sunwoo—sitting in front of you—swings around and props his chin up on the headrest to look at you. 

"I have a surprise."

Slowly, your eyes close. "I do not like the sound of that."

"Oh, come on!" he whines. "I went through all of this trouble to do something nice for us and this is how you're going to repay me?"

"I just survived one of the most stressful nights of my very new idol career and now you're telling me about some surprise you have orchestrated? Forgive me for not immediately jumping for joy when all I really want to do is bury myself six feet in the ground."

Sunwoo is perceptive, despite his unwillingness to meet someone halfway with their emotional earnestness the majority of the time. He is more than capable of understanding when the vibes, for all intents and purposes, are off, but whether or not he feels like feeling with that can be a whole different kind of beast.

Still, he must be feeling especially receptive tonight, because his eyes narrow slightly as he stares at you and rather than doubling down on the humor he says, "You did really well tonight. Everyone loved you and you carried yourself impressively. This was pretty much a nightmare scenario for the both of us and it worked out in the end, let yourself have a sigh of relief."

As annoying as it may be when he is right, right he is. You do exactly that and try to breathe out all of the negative energy that has accumulated inside of you with one, swift sigh, and once it's done you find his eyes and ask, "Alright, what's the surprise?"

Sunwoo smiles big and wide, pleased by the outcome of this and says, "We're going to dinner!"

You shoot up from your lazy position, adrenaline and horror flooding beneath your skin.

"We're what!?"

"Don't worry so much! I have a spot, a kind of best kept secret among idols for where to go when you don't want to be bothered and definitely don't want to be seen. It's very discreet, much more so than the places we used to meet."

In the moment, all you can manage to give as a response is a slow, exhausted drawl of his name.

"You should trust me more! I wouldn't do something to put either of us at risk of something that will make things much worse for us."

"You literally have! You do! What was that stint backstage? The place was crawling with staff and our members and that certainly didn't stop you."

Sunwoo hums thoughtfully for a second and then, seemingly accepting defeat, says, "Okay, fair enough, but I was desperate and desperate times call for desperate measures! Besides, I wouldn't do it again, which is precisely why I have instead gone out of my way to arrange something smarter and safer." He extends an arm out, flops his hand in the air in your direction despite not being able to actually reach you. "I know you think I'm crazy and too risky, and that's kind of true, but I'm trying to reel it in for you! Is it a crime to want to see you more than just in the hallways of the company building?"

Looking at him and the subsequent pout that's now sitting on his face, you relent just a bit to his thoughtful intent. He's doing his best, even if it's simply not very good. 

And besides, he looks far too cute when he's pouting like this.

"No, it's not, but also… I don't know how good of an idea it is that we be given more private time, all things considered as of recent."

"Arguably, that's precisely why we need more private time." Sunwoo grins and then says, "If it's going to keep happening, then it should most definitely be more private."

Sunwoo's chumminess with his manager is something you have known for a while now, though you've never quite seen it in action with this much clarity.

The van comes to a stop in a narrow, unlit alleyway. There is so little space that you and Sunwoo have no other option than to shimmy your bodies between the concrete walls and the vehicle itself, and upon reaching the drivers side window, it rolls down and the man behind the wheel firmly informs the two of you that you have thirty minutes, and not a second longer will be spent here.

It's for the best, because Miyoung is at home and expecting your return. Already, you will need to think of an alibi for your lateness, but at the very least, you always have the Seoul roadways to blame when the time spent lost in transit is not so egregious.

Only a few steps are needed to reach the entrance, and after offering a couple of knocks to the door, it swings open and the two of you are met by a pretty young woman dressed all in black. She smiles and steps to the side so that you can go inside, but before you do, Sunwoo turns back to look at you and with a familiar slighted grin you have seen so many times before says, "Just like old times."

Not quite, you think in response.

Inside of the building, the lights are so dim that you find difficulty in navigating what lies ahead of you. 

Quickly you make your way past the kitchen and restrooms, into an area that is small, cramped, and filled with small rooms that have tables inside. All of them offer a curtain in front, and on your way through you glance inside one of them and make brief eye contact with a well-known actress sitting with her male companion for the evening.

Anxiety heightens within you, but just as it does you find that you have reached your destination.

With a smile that never falters, the hostess offers your table and both you and Sunwoo take seats opposite of each other. The curtain is closed, and even though you seem to be surrounded by people with what may be even bigger secrets than the two of you hold, you cannot help but feel that tumultuous twisting deep inside of your stomach.

The one thing that dwindles it, however, is a single glance towards Sunwoo. His sweatshirt is oversized much like his jeans and with a simple set of glasses clinging to his face, he almost looks like a simple, regular guy. Granted, much more handsome, but regular nonetheless.

Drinks arrive soon after, and once the woman takes her leave you look at Sunwoo once again and ask, "So, I take it you've been here before?"

A corner of his lip twists upwards and as he brings the glass to his face he says, "Sure have."

"I suppose that's promising, since I haven't heard anything about that before."

"Jealous? Thinking about all of the stuff I might have been getting up to before we met?"

You roll your eyes. "You're the jealous one between the two of us, not me."

Sunwoo folds his hands together atop the table and leans himself over it closer towards you. He appears far too amused by the events that have transpired up until now, and despite knowing you are in fairly safe hands here, you feel a chill crawl over your skin given the close proximity and your limited privacy.

"We'll see about that," he says, and then sits back normally against his chair. "I have a drama coming up, shooting begins soon. I wanted to tell you the good news in person, figured it was something worthy of a little celebration."

Your face lights up. "That's amazing news, and absolutely worth celebrating! No wonder you dragged me out here like this, and here I thought your intentions were always going to be something nefarious."

An eyebrow perks up, questioning and suspicious. He says, "My intentions are never nefarious, I just want to spend time with you." Sunwoo shrugs the tangential topic off and then continues on with the previous point. "Anyway, it's a pretty big deal for me. I don't have a lot of acting experience so I'm a little nervous about it, but what's really exciting is that it's a romance."

"That sounds perfect for you, honestly. The bad boy schtick never really did land with you, not for anyone who has known you for longer than ten minutes."

"You're being annoying but I'm going to ignore that in favor of mentioning the fact that there's going to be a kiss scene."

You don't like the way hearing that makes you feel.

It's acting. It is only as real as the physicality of ensuring that a scene is properly displayed to the viewer in whichever way it is intended to be. The logical part of your brain begins to work overtime in an effort to explain your feelings on this away, and while it helps a tiny bit, there is still an inkling of unfortunate displeasure lingering heavily in the center of your chest.

After a stiff sip of your drink, you place it back down on the table, force a smile that does little to sell the point and say, "I'm sure you're delighted by that fact."

"Should I be?"

Exhausted by this already, you sigh in an effort to express as much. "I don't know, Sunwoo. Should you? Are you? What difference does it make, it's your job. I doubt you're going to have that hard of a time kissing a beautiful woman on camera." 

He appears far too pleased by all of this once you have finished with your statement. More than that, Sunwoo leans over the table once again, folds his fingers together and while looking you dead in the eye he says, "I think it's about due time for an honest discussion about things going forward."

"What's that supposed to mean?" 

Your skin feels like it's on fire, throat dry as a result of the intense stare that Sunwoo has captured you in. He is rarely serious—especially this much so—but you know him well enough to know precisely when the switch has flipped from something light and comical to something far more urgent and necessary. These moments are uncommon; Sunwoo prefers to communicate in efforts and actions rather than words, so if he says it's time to talk, then you can only imagine what is waiting for you on the other side of it.

"It means…" he starts, drawing out the word at the end, "That I want to see you, and I think I've made that pretty obvious for a while now, but with it laid out plainly like this you aren't going to be able to deflect or pretend that you don't know. You're just going to have to face it head-on. We both are."

Sunwoo's voice is surprisingly firm when he says it, a stark difference to your own racing heart and shaky exhales as you do your best to steady yourself in the heaviness of his confession. He's right—right about all of it—a jagged pill to swallow going forward because just as intended, Sunwoo has trapped you in a circumstances where you cannot escape this, you can't run away and pretend that you do not know the thing that you very much do know, and frankly, have known for a while.

The problem therein is less with your understanding of him, and more with your inability to find the strength to cut free of the shackles of terror that bind you and meet him anywhere close to halfway.

Your lips part, though no words leave them immediately. Thoughts swim in your mind so muddled and messy that it's difficult to understand where one starts and another begins. You have to answer him, you have to reply, and all the while his gaze towards you never falters.

"I…" You stop, take a deep breath and then go on to say, "I'm terrified. I'm scared of the risk, scared of getting caught… I…" Another pause follows, because the thing that you want to say is something that you have never dared to utter to another person ever before. Now or never, you suppose. As good of a time as any, and if nothing else, Sunwoo deserves the honesty in exchange for his own. "I want to, but I'm just fucking scared."

"I know that, but as fun as stealing risky kisses is, not even I'm delusional enough to think we can keep getting away with it forever. At some point we're just going to have to make a decision… A decision to do this, or to not do it, and then put it to bed forever if that's the case."

Matching him, you lean across the table and close more of the space hanging between you. Like this, the two of you are so close to one another, but Sunwoo does not falter in any way despite your proximity.

"Why now? I just debuted, we have a comeback in less than a week… Why does it have to be now? Can't this wait until my group is a little bit more established? Until something like this being found out might not be the complete ruination of mine and the other girls' lives?"

"Is it fair to ask me to wait for a day that might not ever come?" Sunwoo asks, and along with it, he slowly stands and closes more of the space between you. "Are you asking me to wait forever?" His hand comes up to cradle your jaw, his face inching closer to yours. "Because I might, if you do."

Sunwoo kisses you then, and for the first time, the worry of who might be around to see it completely melts away.

Caked in stage-ready make-up, you look at yourself in the mirror and for a moment, you don't even recognize the person staring back at you.

It's been days since your last meeting with Sunwoo and the conversation that was carried out. The words have sat in your mind ever since—will you, or won't you—but the thought of making a decision leaves you paralyzed. The answer is an obvious one if not for the extenuating circumstances that you've now found yourself in; a chance at something that you never thought you would be able to have now waiting in your grasp, waiting for you to throw all caution to the wind and just say yes. 

But you have no other option than to make a decision based on the worst possible case scenario, and based on the responses from your stint on Idol Radio, you're simply unsure it's a risk that you're willing to take.

Lukewarm is the best way to put it, though surprisingly, the displeased responses are less about you, and more about Sunwoo. Many onlookers question his presentation of the topic in relation to your history together in general, and frankly, you don't really blame them.

You are lauded for responding well, professional and polite and it would appear that most do not press beyond it to see what might be hiding within the shadows. One commenter says that you can hardly even tell that she was ever his fan, and at the very least, it's an amusing take considering all that is going on behind the scenes.

Now, like so many other times, you have to put all of these thoughts behind you and prepare for your comeback showcase. MVNE are ready, standing by for their call and doing last minute fixes on headset microphones and appearances, but only a few minutes stand between your group and the start of the show. Will it be received well? you wonder to yourself, such a drastic change in song already when compared to your debut.

And there are already extenuating circumstances hanging overhead. Hyemi's small mishap and now yours. Things that someone, somewhere, will always make a point to mention should their intent be to disparage and destroy.

A woman on the staff knocks and then swiftly opens the door to tell you and the other girls that it's time, and thus, you all shuffle out of the room and to the backstage area in wait.

The staff on hand for this event is much smaller, and so the area offers far more room for comfort than that of busy festivals. You make your way out and navigate towards the stage, but not before catching the eye of someone that you have grown rather fond of over the past few months.

With cue cards in hand and slicked back black hair, Juyeon cocks his head in a delighted sort of way and greets you pleasantly.

"Nervous?"

You shake your head. "Not any more than the usual amount, but I suppose there is always reason for moderate concern. What if I break an ankle?"

"I don't think most jump straight to that. You're going to be great, I'm looking forward to it." He dangles the cue cards in hand with a smile and says, "Lucky me, wrestling the MC spot out of Hyunjae's clutches."

"You know, there's enough of you that the chances of getting someone I'm friendly with are rather low. Starting to believe you're becoming a fan."

Juyeon smiles and then says, "Oh, of course I am."

A staff member calls for him, he gives his last good lucks and goodbyes, and off he goes to begin the show.

With barely a moment going by between them, Nara steps up beside you with nervous hands and shaky eyes.

"What?" you insist, the evidence of something on her mind painted onto her features in ways you've not quite seen from her before.

She swallows hard. "Uh, you seem close to Juyeon." 

Oh no. This is really the last thing you need, all things considered. It's bad enough that Woori seems intent on believing that your circumstances with Sunwoo are spiraling out of control, but on top of it, her eye is keen enough to spot a budding interest in Juyeon, as well. Regardless of what that may, or may not, entail currently. 

Must you hardness all interactions you have with the people around you, even amongst your own band members and friends? Is it truly an impossibility to merely have a friendship with someone like Juyeon without it being placed under a microscope for dissecting? If Juyeon were less handsome, less desired, less personable; would this still be a problem you are now meant to deal with?

It's not even like that. At least, you are fairly sure of the fact.

Your hands fly up, waving around wildly in front of you. "Oh, no! We're just… We worked together not long ago, you know? It's not anything like—"

"I wasn't suggesting that, actually." Nara's fingers pick at the skin around her nails nervously, a habit frowned upon by the staff intent on keeping all of the members in tip-top physical appearance. You've never seen her like this, and before she begins to state the fact, you're already beginning to realize where it is that she is going with this. "I'm saying this because… Well, I'm curious about what you know about him. If he's seeing anyone right now, if maybe…"

"You're interested."

"Of course I'm interested!" Nara bites back, all but flying off the handle at the obvious statement. She quickly reels her reaction in, presses closer to you and drops to a whisper to say, "Who wouldn't be interested? Anyway, don't make a big deal about it! I'm just wondering."

Your heart sinks, and you're not quite sure what to make of that. Juyeon is your friend, and you have more than enough on your plate already with a man that desperately wishes for you to take the plunge like it appears that so many others surrounding you are perfectly willing and happy to take. Why is Nara so willing to risk it for a man that she barely even knows? you question yourself. Why are you completely unwilling to give that to someone who begs for it? 

However, it is not your job to reprimand Nara for her consideration. You are not the leader, you are her peer, and with this in mind you have no other option than to make a neutral choice.

With a pointed effort to steady yourself, you clear your throat and then say, "He's not seeing anyone, not to my knowledge, at least."

"Is he nice? He seems nice, if you're friends with him."

"Yeah, Juyeon is very easy to get along with. Very mature, he's not really anything like what he presents on stage."

Nara smiles wide hearing the news, and you wish you could feel even a fraction of the joy that she is in that moment.

"Maybe you could put in a good word for me," she says. "You know, something small. Something that might get him to see me."

The lights dim on stage, the sound system loudly booms to life, and you couldn't be more thankful for the jarring interruption.

"Yeah, I'll see what I can do."

But truthfully, the only thing you have any intention of doing is messaging Sunwoo as soon as you can possibly manage it.

It's a little past eleven at night and you are wearing sunglasses.

Not just sunglasses, but two jackets with both hoods pulled over your head and a scarf. Granted, it's a bit cold outside, and maybe you can get away with dressing in such a way that doesn't draw too much attention. Is it overkill? Perhaps, but you're not really willing to take any chances.

To add to the already ridiculous situation you have landed yourself in, you're a few glasses of celebratory wine in and feeling a bit bolder than you usually might. A little dizzy and a lot loose as far as decision making goes. Nobody knows where you are, at least, not yet.

You knock on the door.

The time between doing so and the door opening feels like forever, but you aren't an anticipated guest and you have to imagine that there is a kind of due diligence that must be done when it comes to unexpected visitors. You look around the halls to ensure that the coast remains clear, and then finally, the door cracks apart.

His eyes are wide, obviously surprised by your standing there. Really, who can blame him?

Smiling awkwardly, you say, "Hi, uh…"

Younghoon blinks a couple of times but doesn't immediately say anything, either. He turns to look behind him, looks back at you and then says, "You should probably get inside."

You walk in, slowly begin disrobing from all of the excess things covering your body, and then hear Chanhee let out a cackle as he peeks around the corner to see what all of the fuss is about.

Fair enough.

He yells for Sunwoo shortly after, though he does not offer additional info in doing so. You hear a door down the hall swing open, then hurried footsteps following it.

Sunwoo enters the open space, turns to look towards the door to find you, and his eyes widen like he has just seen a ghost.

"You…" he begins slowly, like he isn't quite sure what to make of what he is seeing. "Are here."

"Yeah, sure would seem to be the case, wouldn't it?"

Younghoon remains awkwardly perched by the door, and upon closing it, covers his ears and makes his way out of the line of fire.

"I don't know what this is but I don't want any part of it. I'm just going to pretend I haven't seen nor heard anything and that's going to be the end of that."

Sunwoo moves towards you, takes you by the wrist and says, "He's right, the less they know, the better."

Once inside of Sunwoo's room he offers you his seat at his desk, and takes it upon himself to settle at the edge of his bed. You've never been here before—never imagined you would be—but now that you are, it feels incredibly surreal to experience.

There's a game up on the computer monitor and a couple of empty glasses littering the table. Some pieces of clothing litter the floor, but not nearly as bad as you might have expected when deciding to show up here.

"A message would have been good," Sunwoo says.

"Kind of a last minute thing."

"Those comeback drinks hitting especially hard tonight, huh?"

You shoot him a sort of mocking expression and say, "If I had known you were going to be annoying about it I wouldn't have come at all."

Chuckling a little, Sunwoo says, "That's not true, you absolutely knew I was going to be annoying about it, which begs the question…" There's a brief passing of silence between you, as if he hopes that you'll pick up the other half without his prompting, but when you don't, he proceeds. "Why are you here?"

"To tell you the truth, I'm not quite sure, myself."

"Is that the truth?"

Sunwoo's voice is soft and careful as he says it, as if presenting something to the both of you that still remains unspoken. Inside of yourself, you do know the truth, but still you dance around it as if continuing to do so will change the fact of the matter. With your hands folded in your lap, you look down at them, inhaling slowly before choosing the words that you intend to move forward with.

"What's wrong with wanting to see my—"

"Don't say your friend," Sunwoo interjects, his gaze on you firm and resolute. "We're not friends, we haven't been for a long time. People don't take risks like this for their friends, idols don't dress up like they've taken bank robbery advice from movies to visit their friends."

You close your eyes and let the words sink in. You think of Nara and her interest in Juyeon—wonder if she would be willing to do this for a chance to spend time with him—the conversation from earlier still heavy on your shoulders as if only just having happened.

"How are you not mortified by your own existence?" you ask him, voice shaky as the words leave your lips. "How are you not terrified by what you've seen happen to other people in the industry? How can you just… Throw all caution to the wind and be willing to let the pieces fall where they may?"

Looking at you, Sunwoo's lips thin into what can only be described as an adoring smile. He watches you in silence for a few moments, truly taking in the sight of you being there and vulnerable with him. Bad boy schtick be damned, he never did quite sell it as what was meant to be intended.

"We're not the first idols to date," he says quietly, "and we sure as hell won't be the last. For every one couple that gets found out, there's ten that never do. You just have to make sure you're a part of the ten."

"It's becoming harder and harder to say no to you, you make it all sound so easy."

Sunwoo shrugs, all nonchalant about the whole thing and says, "Well, it's not exactly rocket science, you know? But it'd be a lot easier if you didn't make me resort to stealing you away backstage where anyone could just wander by."

"No one makes you do that!"

"You do!" he says, pointing a finger. "Your waffling is what's making this harder! Just jump!"

Exasperated, you let out a heavy sigh and fight back by saying, "I'm here, aren't I?"

Another grin pulls at his lips, and slowly he brings himself up from the bed and towards you. Sunwoo's hands grip at the edge of his desk and box you into place beneath him, his face mere inches away from your own. "Yes, yes you are."

"We could ruin a lot of lives if this goes wrong."

Pressing forward, Sunwoo's breath is warm against the skin of your cheek, and with his lips only ghosting against your own he says, "Then we just have to make sure that it doesn't."

When his mouth finds yours, it's softer than all of the other times. There is no urgency behind it, no time limit sitting at the back of either of your minds as you allow yourself to succumb to it. Instead, this time you revel in the feeling; your worries falling away with every gentle nip of his teeth against your bottom lip.

Satisfied, Sunwoo leisurely creates space between you once again and says, "By the way, we've started filming for my drama, might need all of the practice I can get." He steals another swift kiss and then pulls away entirely in favor of happily spinning himself back to his previous position on his bed. "So, you can think of it like it's work. Actor training, and all that."

With a racing heart and electric nerves, you try to steady your thoughts enough to give anything close to a coherent response. Your phone vibrates, which almost certainly cannot be anything good, and messily digging it out of your pocket with shaky hands you say, "You want me to be your training dummy for kissing another woman? How romantic."

Sunwoo's face drops and twists into a pout. "Well, it's not when you put it like that." His attention turns to the device in your hand then and he says, "Who's messaging you?"

And you desperately wish he hadn't asked upon seeing the name pop up in your notifications.

Unfortunately, your physical reaction betrays you, and Sunwoo is far too in tuned with the goings on in front of him to not notice the shift. He squints a little as he waits for your reply, a once innocent question he has posed now morphing into knowledge that he has acquired and seeks more of.

"It's nothing," you say. "It's not important."

"Not what I asked!" He leaps out of his seat and towards you, grasping at your phone in order to get a peek of the screen. You do your best to keep it away from him; limbs flying about and giggles filling the air on account of how ridiculous this has all become. With it expertly placed behind your back and Sunwoo's hand wrapped around the wrist that keeps it from him, he pushes his face close to yours again and says, "You're being super dodgy about this, which you wouldn't be if it was one of the girls. That only means…"

Sunwoo kisses you again, this time harder and with much more intent behind the action. His free hand slips down to rest atop your thigh—you know precisely the angle he's going for—yet it does little to grant you the ability to remain firm in your defenses.

After all, he is stronger than you, and he uses this to his advantage in yanking you up from the seat, spinning you to hold your back to his chest, and turning your arm so that the screen is on full display to the both of you.

It lights up, the notification looks so much bigger than you remember it being. You're projecting, sure, but it's really not the best time for this.

Not that it's even anything, of course.

"Oh!"

You feel Sunwoo reel physically from behind you, though his grip on you doesn't let up. Instead, his head dips down so that his chin rests on your shoulder and with his face right beside your own he says, "Pretty late in the night to be getting messages from a guy." Letting go, Sunwoo spins you around to face him, crosses his arms over his chest and glares at you. "Not really ever a good time to be getting messages from him, if you ask me."

"We're just friends."

"So were we! So you'll have to forgive me for kind of knowing where that whole thing leads!"

Rolling your eyes, you huff out a sigh. "It's different. Juyeon and I have never… Anything, and he has given me no reason to believe that he might, unlike some incredibly demanding people that I know!"

Sunwoo points a finger at you again, and if there were any intention to say something in that very moment, he ultimately swallows it down in favor of not saying anything of the sort. He is clearly disbelieving to some degree, though you can't quite fathom why given the circumstances at play. Ultimately, you know well enough that jealousy makes itself something of a mainstay in every fiber of his being, and beginning to traverse new, previously uncharted waters as far as you are concerned is the lifeblood of that exact inclination.

"We're just friends," you repeat. "One of my members is interested, though."

"And how do you feel about that?"

Thinking over the question, you do your best to settle on something that is honest and thorough. You don't like it, and there is a whirlwind of feelings inside of you in relation to it that you haven't completely been able to parse through just yet. New information that requires attentiveness that you haven't been able to give it, but you do know one thing about it all.

"Annoyed." Shoving your phone back into your pocket, you look at Sunwoo like you're a little bit defeated by it all and shrug with exaggeration. "Why am I the only one who cares? Why am I the only one willing to make myself smaller so that the rest can grow?"

"I don't think that's true," Sunwoo reasons, and extending his arm out, he gently pulls your hand into his. "But I do think you have somewhat unrealistic expectations of it all, because of your background in all of this. I know you feel like there's a target on your back—and that's not entirely untrue—but you can't just… Not live your life. No one else is doing that. They never really have. It's pretend, everybody is just making it up."

"Isn't idol 101 not dating?"

The expression that comes across Sunwoo's face is one of being humored by the words, but alongside of it sits a small hint of doting patronizing.

Shaking his head, he says, "No, man. Idol 101 is simply not getting caught doing it."

[bitchfitch]

Tbh this is more me bitching about once again wasting money on a game I probably won't be able to finish due to cripple-itus but we're going to pretend it's a serious discussion on game design.

So to preface: my vision is fucked. Irrevocably. Like get discounts on insurance levels of fucked. But games, even very difficult ones still Often very doable and fun.

One of my favorite genres is "white dot goes on a combat platforming adventure" Ie metroidvania/soulslikes that either Are hollow knight or heavily inspired by hollow knight

And I just want to compare a Good white dot, against an extremely irritating white dot.

This is yi. He is an edgy cat boy. he is a good white dot.

No matter the amount of bullshit on screen or the background color, you can always quickly find the white dot that is Yi or his lil robe.

This Bo. They are a bad white dot. they look like they'd be a Good white dot, what with the really clear silhouette of their ears and strong red markings

This is Bo in the game.

Bo breaks the number 1 rule of being a white dot: they end up the same color as the background because neat light effects which do look Great, were more important than the ability to find you're guy while doing minute long don't touch the ground style parkour sessions.

Like Hollowknight and Nine Sols, Path of the teal lotus uses a lot of forground and back ground layers to create a very nice sense of depth. However the foreground layers frequently completely cover the lower half of Bo's body. often making them a light colored dot on a noisy light colored back ground.

The fact background and play ground elements are often the same color does not help. Nor does the fact the camera is . Bad. it just is. It zooms in and out in the middle of a screen making it extremely difficult to keep track of an already hard to follow character in a setting where. losing track of your guy means getting sent back to the beginning of a tedious boss fight or a prolonged parkour session (which to be clear, would be good if you could track your player character. not the bosses though. They are. bad. they need to attack faster, have more than 2 attacks, or at least have a fraction of the HP they do. so you're not just standing around waiting for them to decide to start up another attack to open a vulnerability window.)

And I'm just going to say it, Someone on the team knew the game had this issue. Because they gave you a fix that doesn't work. You can adjust brightness, contrast, and saturation. None of these fix the issue of Bo disappearing. The game is so blown out that no combination of settings produce a result where bo is consistently visible, and also you can tell whats background and what's something you can stand on.

Anyways Demos are an accessibility feature, and when they're not available don't be lazy like I was and just pirate it. If the devs aren't going to give you a way to check if their shit is busted or not, you'll just have to find one yourself.

Anyways anyways tldr absolutely Gorgeous game, Should've been a silent animated movie instead because it's nearly unplayable and the translators either did a Really bad job, or the writers just didn't get why the jokes they're copying were funny

[waitmyturtles]

Forgive me for this ramble, but If I could put my TMZ hat on for a second ... while we have no idea what the issue is/was between Joong and Est, I wonder if class disparity might play a part? I've noticed that quite a few actors in the Thai BL space, especially at GMMTV, seem to come from wealthy backgrounds. Just off the top of my head at GMM there is Off, Tay, Win, Bright, Pond, Phuwin, Dunk, and Boun. While not at gmm I can think of Mile, Billkin, Mew, Tul, Ta, Nut ...etc. You can even see it in the kpop industry with Minnie, Ten, and Nichkhun.

Now while I haven't read anything indicating Est's, or for that matter Daou and Offroad's wealth status, it does make me wonder. Perhaps @respectthepetty might have more insight. However, from what I have read about Joong, his bio-father died when he was young, his mother remarried a Turkish man, and they moved to Turkey where his half-siblings were born and then his step-father died. Joong finally worked to make enough money to buy a house and moved his family into the house in Thailand. I am not sure if his mother works, but if she doesn't then he would be the sole breadwinner of the family.

Now while being wealthy doesn't make one a bad person, there might be some ignorant mindsets, hyper-consumerism, image maintenance, and thoughtlessness that could could clash with people that don't have the financial freedom or free-time to spend as they like because they have people dependent on them.

Considering Joong is really big on his family, and he most likely had to grow up faster than others due to the circumstances of his life, I wonder if he is just has a lot more to consider in his life, while the others are able to just be young?

I really can't tell if he is the messy kind of person that constantly posts cryptic things for attention but never wants to talk about it (or in this case cant because he is a celeb), or if he is actually just being a little too real for a celeb, while the others are following their PR to a "T."

If wealth disparity is playing a part, this could compound the Dunk issue aside him being caught between fighting friends, because Dunk also comes from a wealthy family.

This is highly speculative BUT is an angle I haven't seen discussed.

Thanks for the note, @simysaru43! Tagging Sis @respectthepetty for thoughts.

It’s been gently speculated that wealth and family connections may have played a part (besides Ohm’s 2023 controversy) in the break-up of OhmNanon, considering Nanon’s nepo baby status. And Chimon Wachirawit has been public over the years about the huge financial burdens caused by his family’s debt that essentially led to him needing to find entertainment work in Series Y; as we know now, he has been working through mental health issues over the past year and likely his young adult life. (There was this very impactful video that I saw on Twitter last year, I wish I could find it, with Chimon being interviewed in front of his family’s house that had once been repossessed. Very tough to watch.)

Anyway, you may and even likely have a point. A lot of these guys — Chimon, Earth, Nanon — have been relatively open about their depression, and very often it’s financial burdens and stress that can trigger omnipresent mental health issues. Joong’s been pretty messy online. These are otherwise highly trained entertainers who are trained to not be so messy publicly. Something could be behind whatever’s driving Joong’s messiness, and it could very well be class disparities and how they’re expressed in the young Thai upper-class society that these guys roll in.

Any thoughts from your circles, @respectthepetty?

[omegastation]

I've seen a comment that has been on my mind a lot lately, that the fandom was dead and that there was some gatekeeping. And to be honest, I have no idea if it's true or not and I want to reflect on it.

I've been away for two years, and for sure Tumblr is different. It's not about people, because they are always lovely fans no matter what. I also don't think I have nostalgia goggles telling me "things were better back then" lol I think it's just that Tumblr, for all its flaws, used to have more public fandom discussions. For better or worse, because posting a reply could encourage discussions that were better left alone - but now it seems like nothing is really public or fandom-wide. It's no longer the norm. Replies are left in the post itself so you have less reblogs with discussions. It's very self contained, which, in my humble opinion, might lose a bit of a sense of community.

The main tag itself used to be filled, and now it's not, clearly because a lot of people aren't active anymore. But it's not just that? I find that I discover more posts using the search function, so I'm always a bit confused about how people tag or intend their posts to be found. Maybe it's just me, but it's unclear to me. And I'm at fault too, I've been very intent on not tagging the main tag for a while, and I don't know why. It's not like I'm hiding, but it felt like my playthrough ramblings didn't belong there. Which is ridiculous, because I wouldn't feel that way about posts like this made by other people. I would want to find those in the tag.

I have a feeling a lot more discussions are now happening on Discord, which is not for me. I don't have the mental capacity for now to check a server every day, see new messages and reply. I tried and it's too much. I would feel the same about fandom boards, though they're less instant, so who knows.

Then you have other apps, which don't always encourage discussions. I've been trying to find vids on TikTok, some are great, but the algorithm fed me a lot of ranking companions type of vids with character bashing so I just paused the whole thing.

Then the gatekeeping, I don't know. I think I learned a lot and matured a bit, so I hope my own behavior in fandom is better and more chill than it used to be. But if I am gatekeeping one way or another, you have to tell me. I mean it. Just flat out tell me and explain, because I would never try to be like this on purpose, and I would need to know what I'm doing wrong to do better.

Lately there have been some DA fans who are experiencing ME for the first time and I'm happy for them. There's a lot of joy in discovering this universe, and I would hate for anyone, me included, to take that away from them.

I'm happy when I get to fill the queue, when people are involved, when there are discussions, when we have fun. That's what I want for Appreciation Weeks, even if I know it will be smaller than other years. It's in a few days and I would hate for anyone not to participate because they worry about how they will be received. If there are ways I can make it more welcoming, tell me!

[maddy-k-reads-all-day]

Amanda is morally grey (the one thing I dislike about this fandom).

Amanda from Amanda the Adventurer is SUCH a morally grey character. That is what I love about her. She isn't a horrible person, but her hands aren't clean either. I've seen this discussion in a couple of places and I'd like to join in. The think I dislike about this fandom is it's tendency to either baby or villainize the characters. But I'm going to talk specifically about how people baby-fy Amanda.

Amanda is supposed to be a sympathetic young child trapped in a horrible situation. We are supposed to feel bad for her. However, I feel like some people take this to a babying extent where they see Amanda as a little baby who can do no wrong.

Amanda has done things that are morally questionable or wrong. Such as:

Hurting and killing Wooly. Now we all know Wooly isn't completely innocent. And given what we do know, we can at least understand why Amanda would do this. But unless we get solid evidence that Wooly did something horrible to deserve this (like direct undeniable proof that he was fully in on Hameln's plan and agreed with their motives and morals or something like that) It doesn't fully justify her behavior. This is one of the more tame and excusable things she's done though because we don't know enough about Wooly to say that she ISN'T justified.

Hurting/Killing Riley. This however is absolutely not justified. In the first game I think it was easier to dismiss it as she did not seem to have much control over herself or the demon. And for the first game this may have been true. However, in the second game she does this twice while she seems to have a VERY clear idea of what she's doing. The first is when she asks us to bring her a toy. We learn in "When you feel bad" that she is AWARE of the demon's presence. So this felt entirely like a threat to me. I think we can excuse this a little because Amanda is a kid with way too much power. I don't want to baby her, but she might not really fully understand the consequences or implications of what she is doing here. She is just a frustrated child acting out and releasing her anger. Thus, she might not be fully thinking through her actions. She does this again in the When You Feel Bad Tape. If you make her happy she tells the demon to leave us alone. But if you don't she DOESN'T. She is fully aware the demon is going to hurt us... and does nothing. Even though she could stop this, she doesn't. Refusing to act is still an action. It is still a choice. Once again, it's a choice she makes when she's really upset with us. A choice she probably isn't thinking through. It is understandable and probably realistic for a child to get wrapped up in their emotions and not think things through. But it still makes Amanda objectively not the best friend one could have.

Finally, to some extent I think Amanda is aware of the danger our involvement with her puts us in. The danger the show presents, the danger Hameln presents, the danger the demons present, and possibly more. Yet she still doesn't try to warn us about this or stop us. This is still very understandable because we are probably the only person left who can help her be free, and she is desperate.

Once again, do not misunderstand me. Amanda is not a horrible villainous person. She is a child who has very little regulation of her emotions or self-control over her actions. A lot of her actions come of as impulsive and in the moment. Not carefully plotted or thought-about. I guess I am trying to say that while she is not a horrible person, she is not someone who is incapable of doing harm or being wrong or doing things that aren't morally correct. She's human. She's flawed. She's morally grey. That is what I love about her.

It's not just Amanda either. Almost all the main characters have done something that threatens our safety or something that is morally questionable. (except Sam, but it's still possible that he might have done something morally questionable in an attempt to save Rebecca in the past that will be revealed later).

Kate involved us in this, knowing to some extent that it was dangerous. She regrets this but it doesn't change what she did. She's also involved others as well, (such as her friends), though she was probably less aware of the extent of the danger she was placing them in back then.

Joanne was willing to put us and Kate in harms way and break the law in order to save her brother. Once again, she regrets this to an extent but it doesn't change the fact that she did it.

And Wooly... I'm not sure whose side he's on but it's probably not ours and his hands are definitely not clean either but this is Amanda's post and I'm not discussing him here.

In short, I kind of dislike how the fandom tends to downplay the character's actions and moral greyness. Even though they are not bad people they are still flawed and made mistakes. Actually I consider most of the bad things these characters did to somewhat be mistakes. Mistakes driven strongly by emotion and personal connection to the situation. Kate wanted to save Rebecca. Joanne wanted to save Jordan. Amanda wants to save herself. All of these motivations are justified. But when put in a situation with high emotion, mistakes and bad choices can be made. None of these characters are incapable of doing harm. None of them are safe from the consequences of their choices and errors. None of them are perfect and all are flawed.

But that's why I love Amanda the Adventurer. This isn't a story of good vs evil. It's regular people who are flawed but well-meaning vs big cooperation that has ill intent.

IDK if what I'm saying makes any sense. I just wanted to join in the conversation and share my take on it. Hope you enjoyed reading this post.