#[ we both LOVE chinese food so fuckin MUCH. ]

[99naive]

it'll be my 7 year anniversary with my bf on the 7th & im just SPINNING at how fast the years have gone by already holy shit but i love him so much i wouldn't have things any other way ♡

[columboscreens]

I hope it isnt rude or presumptuous of me to barge in and vent, but I'd love to hear your thoughts on Columbos family. I just finished "no time to die" and I can't get over how bad that episode was. Maybe its me and my headcanons getting in the way but No Way is he from a family of cops. And not a single one of them sounds like they're Italian or new yorkers the blasphemy! To me that mans from an Jewish immigrant family, and proud of it.

combined with:

yeah the whole "family of cops" thing in no time to die came off as cheesy, contrived 90s copaganda, so i just kind of ignore it. it's hardly canon, so feel free to do the same! i picture columbo with a big, loud, italian family myself, in which he's just about the only cop.

I will say though, i actually totally agree that he comes off as more jewish than not. columbo is, in canon, a good little italian boy married to a catholic woman, so the natural assumption is that he, too, is catholic. but peter falk was a very organic, naturalistic actor--as a student of sanford meisner, his primary acting imperative was to live and behave truthfully to the self under imaginary circumstances. so for someone who was barely religious himself in the way "cultural jews" tend to be...

what i'd pay to hear the words "had the fuckin bar mitzvah'" come out of that man's mouth

...to me, falk's "truthful self" is just so jewish to his core that, because he puts so much of himself into the character, it bleeds clean through to columbo, and we get all these jewish mannerisms out of the supposed catholic! (jews, of course, have a rich and historic presence in italy, so there's no preclusion on that front.)

once you notice the little things, you can't stop. his phrasings, his gestures, the ways he interacts with others, his boiled eggs, his gastrointestinal sensitivity, even his sense of humor.

chag pesach sameach

there are, of course, more substantial pieces of evidence than ordering chinese food for his extended family or needing an antacid every time he eats too quickly. i'm not jewish myself, but i grew up in a very jewish neighborhood, had more jewish than gentile friends growing up, and my partner of seven years is jewish. to me, what really codes columbo as a jewish man is how well he embodies many aspects of specifically jewish ethos.

being honorable, sensitive, and humble, he's the ideal mensch. one tenet strongly prioritized in judaism is tzedek, or one's ethical obligation to righteousness, equity, and compassion. he is both moved by suffering and tenaciously committed to justice.

jews hold the deepest respect for both religious and civil law, and you will note that columbo is neither an outsider nor a vigilante--he is a sanctioned agent of the legal system respecting and following the process of the law in his pursuit of murderers. he functions within it, sometimes in spite of it, but not outside of it. when he gets creative, he toes, but never quite crosses the line.

he thinks for himself and thus has a strong moral compass; he treats everyone with kindness and empathizes readily with individual struggle. he is patient, courageous, and clever--all particularly valued qualities in judaism.

(rakish semitic looks aside)

paramount is columbo's intellectual curiosity, love of learning, and propensity to question, which is, too, seen as fundamental to a faith built entirely on asking questions. whether he's gently yet methodically poking holes in a suspect's alibi or wondering how much a random stranger paid for his shoes, he never has a shortage of them. he's a little guy bursting with chutzpah, perfectly at home both asking a prime suspect if he can have a closer look at his hand, and God Himself to spare sodom and gomorrah if he can only find a few good people...

if you really needed any further evidence that he's God's Chosen...

[sharkface-daydreams]

saw this on Twitter first but twitters not conducive to whole scenes i like so much.

from the Shark and Felix survive-and-make-each-other-worse au

---

Lin frowns at Sharkface's ringing phone. "Bad time to call."

"Who is it?" Sharkface asks over his shoulder. He can't really turn away from the stove right now.

"Says… 'Rat Bastard'?" Lin says disapprovingly.

"What's that mean?" the other cook asks him as Sharkface laughs. Sharkface translates and the guy busts into laughter too.

"Can you bring it here, Lin? I need to take that."

"That's the sort of name I put in for people I don't answer," she says. Lin puts the phone under his ear with a disapproving look, and he grabs it between his cheek and shoulder as he works.

"Yo."

"Hey Fishstick, you still on Celaris?"

"Felix? That was fast, you miss me already?"

Felix rolls his eyes. "You gonna answer me?"

Sharkface laughs. "Yeah I am. What's up?"

"Got a job needs some shit blown up. You interested?"

"You had me at 'blowin shit up'. Where are you?"

"I'm actually still on Celaris at the mo."

"No kidding?"

"Yeah. If you can get to New Rhodesia, I'll text you where to meet."

"Already there. I'm at work though, lunch rush is about to hit. Make your way over to Golden Shrimp on 127th in about an hour, we can talk about it over lunch when I get a break."

Listening more closely, he can hear other voices in the background, food sizzling and plates clinking together. "You're a cook?”

"Damn good one, too." There's a grin in his voice and Felix considers Chinese for lunch. Sharkface angles his chin away from the phone briefly to answer someone in a language Felix can't possibly try to place. Logic suggests a dialect of Chinese though.

"Yeah, ok. See you in an hour."

"Cool. Ask for Ray at the counter."

When Felix walks into the shop there's only a handful of people left at the tables. He leans over the counter and smiles at the lady seated by the register. "Hey, there. Is Ray here?"

She nods and yells into the kitchen for him.

Felix arches a brow and gives him a disapproving frown as he appears through the door. "'Ray'. Really?" Sharkface grins.

"What, you don't like it?"

"You are the least subtle person I know."

"I don't wanna hear that from a guy who had nipple lights and day-glo stripes on his armor."

They bitch at each other for a minute before Sharkface asks him what he wants to eat. Tells Lin at the register he'll pay for it, dw, he's not giving away free food. Lin raises her eyebrows at him warily but nods. "You better."

Sharkface takes a minute to fix them both lunch. The lady at the counter points to a table in the corner they can sit at that's quiet but stops him before she leaves. "If you've got your eye on him, you'd better make your move quick. Lotta people would love to marry such a good cook."

"Uh, thanks? I'm not interested though."

The lady shrugs. "Your loss, he's a good catch." Felix watches her bewildered as she walks away. Was she trying to set them up?

When the food is done Sharkface brings it out to the table in a back corner where Felix settled; they discuss the job. A few bites in, Felix has a brief moment of insanity wondering if he should marry the guy just for his cooking. Damnit, Granny. Why did she have to put the thought in his head? Imagine marrying Sharkface. Felix tries to play it cool though like he's not thinking about wildly inappropriate things with a business partner.

"Did you know your boss is trying to marry you off?"

"Hm?"

"Granny told me to snatch you up before someone else could," Felix said.

"Goddamnit, Lin," Sharkface sighs. "She means well but that's the last fuckin' thing I need. No offense." He squints. "Well, some offense."

"Hey fuck you, I'm a goddamn delight!" But Sharkface is grinning at him like he does when he's digging for a reaction and got what he wanted, so Felix just rolls his eyes.

This week’s word is…

✨ LUNCH ✨

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[sketchy-scribs-n-doods]

billy and max were not californian enough in my humble socal opinion. like i’m not saying all californians have had my exact experience. but. come on.

where was the bitching about the cold weather and the lack of good mexican and chinese restaurants nearby. never have i met a californian that wasn’t ready to throw down for in n out when out of state ppl try to talk shit, even if it isn’t remotely their favorite burger place. i just know max would go crazy over the fuck all to do in town within a month or two. the largest city is probably hours away, cue billy quickly realizing the only entertainment at hand is shitty high school parties.

you’re telling me max wouldn’t throw a fit about the lack of giant skateparks? that billy wouldn’t take every opportunity to bitch and moan about having to get chains for his tires and the menace of ice and snow on the roads fucking up his car? billy refuses to button his fuckin shirt in november, he’s going to die as soon as the temperature dips below 35F. i know not every person from socal is as much of a bitch as i am about low temperatures but most of us are not built for temperatures below like 40 or 30F. actual snow is going to happen and max is going to eat shit trying to skateboard through it. i had to defrost my car for the first time during a cold snap last month and i thought i was losing my mind, billy is going to fucking hate what cold temperatures can do to your car, especially if you park it outside on the regular.

white bitches love mexican food, have you seen how they get about chipotle? one day billy and max are gonna be home alone and go ‘we should get mexican takeout tonight’ and suddenly realize they live in the fuckin heartland now, the chances of finding a good (let alone decent) taco place nearby depend entirely of the percentage of mexican immigrants settling in bumfuck indiana to actually open a place. or at least somebody from texas.

i desperately need max and billy throwing down for in n out. i don’t care about your opinion on it, your average bitch from california will not stand for actual slander against it. lucas tries taking max to the local diner and puts his foot in his mouth (”it can’t be that good, max”) after trying to insist that the burgers in hawkins are leagues better than whatever they had back in california. steve and billy nearly brawl again because billy fuckin loves the skinny crispy in n out fries and dares to put them above mcdonald’s fries and steve thinks he’s fucking crazy.

depending on where they lived in california, the lack of mountains would probably be something weird to get used to. travelling past the mountains and through flat land makes the monkey in my brain go ‘where big rocks go??? why so exposed??? too flat!!’ and i can’t help but think of max constantly doing double takes at the sheer amount forest around hawkins and the distinct lack of mountains nearby lol. california is huge and there’s loads of different biomes within it, but you’re not gonna find very many forests, especially in the areas billy and max probably lived in (i think in runaway max they lived in san diego? but that’s shaky half-canon at this point).

give me the weird slang differences between the midwest and the west coast. i had a teacher from wisconsin call water fountains ‘bubblers’ once and i swear it gave me whiplash. i love regional slang. idk if it depends on the person’s age or region or if its interchangeable in some places, but the face i’m picturing billy making after hearing somebody call it ‘pop’ instead of ‘soda’ is priceless. there’s also no fucking way billy hung out with californian surfers in the 70s - 80s and didn’t pick up some truly atrocious slang that pops up now and then. max thinks he sounds fucking dumb, but then billy makes fun of the fact that she can’t roll her ‘r’s and it starts another bitch fight. more of max and billy both saying ‘like’ way too much as a sentence filler and everyone else making fun of them.

i don’t know, i want more fun and interesting and annoying little things that people from different states do. billy and max moved across the whole damn country, i want more conflict from that than just the obvious issues.

[tomdiddlyumptious]

Can u do a Tom Holland x black model reader

And she’s zendayas friend and she introduces Tom to her and they hit it off he ends up seeing her outside they have a sentimental talk about what it’s like being famous and they end up kissing maybe smut at the end and they wake up the morning after 😩😩😫

I MIGHTVE GOTTEN....YA KNOW TAKEN AWAY BUTTTTT

warnings: terrible fans, sadness, annoying papis, and I guess heavy smut but idk 🤷🏽‍���️ NOT PROOFREAD, PROBABLY TERRIBLE ✌��

a/n: REEEEE I HATE MYSELF

You sighed as she grabbed your hand, pulling you, “look you have nothing better to do, so you do this or keep watching re-runs of Harry Potter and trying to shift, which isn’t gonna work” she rolled her eyes at the idea, looking at your scrunched up face.

“Well whatever, so much for getting a spell book” you huffed in loss, zendaya laughing at you as she let your hand go and opened the door “for my princess please” she dramatically said, her hand pointing inside the restaurant.

“We couldn’t have taken a walk-“ “y/n shut up and sit down please” you giggled as you walked slower to let her infront of you and guide you to a seat, next to her but also next to a nice, brown haired, of course skinny lean white boy.

And how did you know that? You checked him out without hesitation. As you looked back up at him you found himself with a cocky ass smirk. “Don’t flatter yourself” you chuckled only leaving him doing the same.

“Hey a pretty girl like you how could I not?” His hand lifted and ruffled his hair some, leaving you with a smile. “We all know who we are right?” Daya said, not wanting to introduce anybody when your all basically famous. “Yes?” The group said.

You knew Tom of course but not officially, your brother made you watch Spider-Man because he’s two years older then you and loves to debate that tobey Maguire is the best, which you have to agree, its only by the way he swings. Your brother also thinks tobey can play Batman but he is like 46, he will have a heart attack.

As you all ordered your meals and passed around plates Harrison and Jacob talked, zendaya and her brother talked, which left you and Tom.

“Hi I’m tom” he said, lifting his hands wanting a handshake, orrr possibly a hug, what’s the damage?. “Well hello Tom, my name is Y/n” you said, taking his hand in yours, also noticing you can’t even shake his hand because of his hand size, it basically devoured your whole hand. Tom chuckled as he looked at your small fingers.

“Compare?” He asked, “oh what are we in fourth grade?” You giggled but agreed, he put his hand up flat and open and you did the same, touching hands you noticed your hand was small, or his hand was big, who knows. “I should call you robin!” He chuckled.

“You are really a child, teen titans really?” You bursted into laughter but only Tom could really hear. “Hey I have to do something to keep me satisfied right?” He shrugged, “and tough talked for a woman with small hands”.

You playfully gasped as you hit his shoulder “no you just have large hands, above average, so leave me alone, and tough talk for a guy who’s 5’8, my brother was that height at like 14” he only left his mouth open as you laughed, his eyebrows raised as he said “touché, but you’ve been doing some research on me havent you?”.

“Eh, something like that” you shrugged, getting chopsticks and trying to set it up but failing, of course Tom hysterically laughed at you “fuckin chopsticks” you mumbled to yourself, still trying to get them in between your fingers but utterly confused.

“Here darling, let me help you yeah?” Tom said in his slick British accent,

leaving your stomach to drop to your ass but you agreed, forgetting what he was helping you with.

He took your hand softly and fixed it, staring at him in awe before-

snap

You both looked over and seen a photographer running away, leaving Tom pissed but you could only laugh. Everyone around the table noticed and started to feel bad about being “famous” because it does take away your private life.

As they all looked at you both you continued laughing, leaving them all confused “did you see the way he ran?” You only busted out laughing more as Tom could still see him, looking at the way he does run and starts laughing after.

“Your right!” Everyone starts to catch on as zendaya pulls out her phone to record him, putting it on her instagram story with text of “running to his casket” (I KNOW THIS IS MEAN BUT I COULDNT HELP IT)

As you all as a group ate your food, well you ordered a fork, and talked you all giggled, and got to know more about each other, when he found out you were a model he only smiled more because, you deserve to be one, your beautiful in so many ways anyone could see that, not just Tom holland.

You cracked open the cookie and grabbed the paper “I wanna see!” Tom said, scooting closer and resting his head on your shoulder as you read it “hop on a ride but you won’t go outside, lucky numbers 11,9,10,20” tom furrowed his eyebrows, “I don’t get it” he whispered in your neck, platonically. But he got your sweet spot so you bit your tongue some. “What makes you think I do? You do yours!”

He sat back up straight and grabbed his, opening it. “Hmm, take your time, try to wine and dine, same lucky numbers as you” he looked at you while your lower lip was puckering out, confused but not gonna stress yourself out about it.

“Aren’t they just beautiful” daya quietly said, recording it and putting it on her Snapchat instead. Harrison agreed as they all started at both of you but you didn’t take any sense to notice.

“Who’s paying?” Tom said. “Split” you say back, everyone taking out their credit card and placing it in the middle.

About two days later you went out for shopping, mostly for yourself but you did think about buying daya matching Harry Potter mugs.

You looked at Victoria secret, looking at all the options you could get, but you got white lingerie, lacy white lingerie. You had about 3 bags in your hands, all clothes as you found yourself hungry, you checked the time and noticed it was about five thirty but daylight saving so it was darker then usual.

You found yourself at a Chinese place at the food court, ordering what you wanted as your phone blew up from the events of yesterday. “Y/n?” You heard a familiar voice, you turned to see-

“Thomas?” You smiled at him as he smiled back, coming up close and seeing ‘foot locker’ and ‘Nike’ bags in his hand. “Hey!” He came over and reached out for a hug which you accepted, and you smelled so good, like no one else. He knew once they started to publicly date he would have to point out that you have this magnificent smell.

“Hey babe how are you?” You ask looking at him, letting him go as his hands were still on your arms. “My phone won’t stop blowing up” he sighed and rolled his eyes “eh same here” “what are you doing?” He asked, you pointed at the title of the food place “Chinese food” “your trying again aren’t you?” “You know what- shut up” you laughed making him join along.

He decided to join you at one of the tables, both with hats on and black tinted sunglasses. “This is humiliating” you sighed, playing with the noodles. “What?” He asked looking up at you. “I shouldnt really have to hide because I just want to eat alone” you let out a distant chuckle and let the food alone, looking at the table.

“Yeah I know it does suck, but atleast we have killer fans right!” “Yeah but then they want to turn on you because you wanna make a point or a decision for yourself” he only sighed in defeat at your point, nodding in agreement. “I mean I guess it’s what we signed up for” “I just really want to do what I love but then there’s the pros and cons, people loving my body and people hating my body, telling me I should lose weight and that I should just kill myself-“

“Well you shouldn’t, people tried to cancel me because I didn’t vote? I can’t!” He grabbed your hand and that made you look at him “and your beautiful, so beautiful, don’t take only my word but everyone else’s, and whoever is telling you to kill yourself has a problem with their body image, they want to be you!” He gave you a smile, you gave a weak one back. “Hey love, darling, trust me. There’s a lot of people out there that support you! Why do paparazzi want to take photos of you? To let everyone know hoe your doing at the moment!”

“That wasn’t a good one Thomas” you laughed which made him giggle, he reached over and let go of your hand and places his thumb on your chin, the coldness of his ring on his pointer finger as it’s under your chin.

“Your really fucking beautiful, princess, fame is annoying celebrity is a annoying word but guess what? Isn’t it worth it?” “Yeah I guess, because I met you” you smirk, he tilts your head up and looks at your lips, looking at your eyes for approval and you nod your head.

He presses his lips on yours, pulling you closer as he wants to climb over the table and just take you there, his lips on your soft delicate ones is heaven, feeling your hand raise up to his cheek as you let go for a longer one-

“Hey get out of here! It’s like 7, stop sharing your cootie germs!” The janitor says with his strong Indian accent which makes you both laugh while your lips are still pressed together.

“Hey I really mean it!” You both let go as he shouts a thank you and you didn’t even notice it was that dark, he didn’t either. “Wanna get out of here?” He asked, you nodded as you both grabbed your bags and threw away your food.

You both couldn’t keep your lips off of each other, he slammed you against the apartment door, leaving you to moan as he focused on your neck, grabbing the key from his poket and shoving it in the door, opening it as he twisted to nob you fell and he feel ontop of you, well on your stomach.

You both laughed out of breath as he got up to close the door, thankfully there was a door stopper that didn’t allow a mark on the wall, he came back down and helped you up, taking the bags from your hand and throwing it on the couch, the boxes of shoes falling out of the bag and on the floor.

You quickly took off your clothes, leaving you in your underwear with Tom just admired you, your sweet brown skin just shinning of cocoa butter lotion and body oil, smelling so intoxicating as he walked up to you, his hand softly placed on your waist as he whispered in your ear “help me” you giggled and unbuckled his pants while he unbuttoned his shirt, quickly only in his-

“Really? Spider-Man? Your such a narcissist” “your ruining the moment” “whatever kiddo” he took your hand and ran into the room, falling on the bed from the jeans around his ankles, you got comfy on the queen bed with the silky black sheets and blanket, your legs open waiting for him as he kicked off his jeans.

He looked at you and your legs, crawling over to kiss your shins up to your thighs, his lips so soft on your skin as if he doesn’t want to break it.

“You such a pretty girl” he purred, kissing up to your stomach, to the middle of your breasts to you neck. “Touch me please tommy” you sighed in relief as he went down to your underwear, pressing your clit and trailing down to see you soaked. “I’ve barely touched you princess, do I make you wet like this?” He talks mostly to himself, not expecting an answer but you do “yes you do, fuck you make me so wet tom, watching your hands move, you mouth-“

“My mouth huh? What do you want me to do princess? Eat you out? Make you come then I fuck you and don’t miss a beat? Make everyone hear my good girl?” He asked, making you moan at the scenarios “I want to you to be on top of me, I want to you fuck yourself on my dick until you make me whine” he comes up to your ear and whispers “which I don’t do”, you whimper as he unclamped your bra, the cold ring and Rolex on your back as he gets it off.

You smile as he just stares, reaching down and taking a nipple in his mouth, moaning as he punches the other. “Fuck Thomas your really good” “shh now, remember what I want you to do f’me okay?” He asked looking up at you, you nodded as he reached down in between your thighs, pushing the underwear to the side.

He puts a finger inbetween your folds, his fingers rather warm and he rubs right over your whole while he continues to kiss and leave hickeys around your neck and inbetween your breasts.

He pushes in his finger and you let out a whimper, his fingers way bigger then your own “your so tight around my finger, fuck your gonna feel so good around my cock, just let me make you come first” you nod at him and give him a open mouth kiss as he goes down, taking off your panties and lifting your thighs and putting them inbetween his head.

He pumps is finger in you slowly, my the third time you suddenly let out a “oh” as your breathe starts to get heavy, “don’t give up now darling” “get to work and I’ll see what I can do for-“ you moan as he wraps his lips around your clit, kitty licking.

“Don’t talk down on me, darling” he says, before adding another finger, his long slender fingers finding your spot as he rubs over it, shaking his head from side to side around your bundle of nerves, your legs raise into a butterfly just asking for more.

Your hands reach down to his hair and you pull it, ruffle it and whimper as his fingers press hard on your spot “ah!” You let out a high pitched moan, he makes eye contact with you as his tongue continues to run miles, infinity signs, even his own full name on you “I’m so close” you whimper, he already knew by how much you were clenching around him, he sped up his movements, licking the slide of your clit, bucking your hips and pulling his hair making him moan on you, high pitch moans, the sounds of his fingers in your wet slopping whole is just enough to make you come, “Aw please! Fuck tommy!” Your eyes roll back as you cum, your back arching more as your fluids let loose and your stomach a pit of fire.

“You tase so good, Mmm” he licks you clean, savoring your tase as he licks his lips and comes up to kiss you, sharing tongues and humming at the taste on his lips.

And it was your time for the deal, he turned you both so you were on top. His hands already behind his head as he enjoyed the view already, you grabbed his member and pumped it a few times making him groan, you swiped him between your folds and cried at the overstimulation.

“Fuck y/n” he moaned feeling of your wetness looking down and seeing his spit and your arousal connected to the tip of his member, you both moaned at the feeling of his member getting in you so slowly.

You started to move your hips against his, seeing him so comfortable and watching every single move you make could make you come right there, you started to bounce and you sat up straight, moaning as Tom took a hand of his and licked his thumb to roll your nipple “faster” he said, as you did it.

“Fuck tommy your so good” “oh no it’s you babygirl, fucking yourself on my dick like I told you to, I don’t have to do any-“ he groaned “work, your such a good girl, my princess” he praised making you whimper and lean down. In this moment he could stay there forever, your ass on display as you bounced your whimpers in his neck right on his sweet spot. “Shit y/n”he moaned, letting his hands go to your ass and lift his legs to thrust into you, “no tommy” you say weakly, pushing his legs down “I get to fuck myself on you like you said” you hit back a moan.

“I did princess- fuck” he let out an ‘uh’ as you clenched around him, his eyebrows furrowed as his mouth opened, you leaned back up to kiss his neck, his sweet spot and made hickeys with no hesitation. You moved faster and placed your hands in his chest and hearing your ass on his thighs, the slickness coating all over his member and trailing down his thighs “fuck!” You come, “don’t stop-please! Don’t stop” he practically begged, thats more than a whine and you were willing to take it, it was all so good, so good.

His hands left your ass and went up to your neck, looking down at his darkened eyes as he bit his lip “fucking yourself so good on my dick, fuck!” He came and shot his load up you “yes Tom!” You whimpered and arched your back coming with him. He painted your walls as you ride it out, him massaging your thighs and biting his lip as he watched his cum trail down your thighs and on his dick.

“You tired?” You asked, throwing yourself over, he looked over “yeah” he reached over to kiss you and wrap his arm around your shoulder and pulling you into his chest, he turned off the light on his night stand as you lifted your leg over his thigh, both on the left side of the bed and taking in each other, drawing patterns in his chest. “So does this mean-“ “yeah of course”

You woke up in the same spot, looking up at Thomas and finding him already looking at you. “Hey princess” he smiled, taking his arm and drawing circles on yours. “Hey bubs” you kissed his chest. You only admired each other before having to clean each other up, sharing a shower, nothing happened but giggles and soft rubs on the butt, of course until you put on the lingerie that you bought yesterday.

[peachyteabuck]

study buddy, part v

series summary: after crushing on you since freshman orientation, Natasha finally gets the guts to ask you help you pass her postmodern lit midterm, to which you agree.

chapter summary: one restaurant date, two confessions, and three grades that will make or break natasha’s degree

pairing: natasha romanoff x reader

words: 4,881

trigger warnings: overstimulation, use of a safe word, teeth rotting fluff, strap on sex, ball gags, explicit conversations about whorephobia, orgasm control, angst if you squint

ask box / masterlist / commission info / ko-fi

part one, part two, part three, part four

The warmth of the sun filtered through blinds is what woke you, wrapped tight in Natasha’s arms. The sex-stained blankets were as messy as can be, some of them hugged your intertwined bodies like a tightly wrapped burrito while others were nearly falling off the bed.

It was messy, beautifully and wonderfully so. If you felt the need to move (which, of course you didn’t because who in their right mind would try to disentangle themselves from such a lovely human person) you doubt you could’ve; Natasha held you with arms too strong and heart beat too soft. You wouldn’t dare disturb her if the house was on fire; then again, if the world was burning down around you – you’d rather die in her arms than reach for uncertain safety. It’s there that you fell back into sleep, tucked under her chin and running your fingers through her hair.

Eventually the growling of your stomachs woke the both of you up, each respective organ desperate for nourishment – and the two hard-boiled eggs, sour gummy worms, gluten-free bread, and half a container of mustard wasn’t gonna cut it. The waning sun was an ominous sign of how long you’d truly gone without food, and you soon didn’t feel all that bad about poking your poor g-

Poking poor Natasha awake.

You didn’t feel all that bad poking Natasha awake as your insides beg for sustenance and your head feels light and holy shit, if you didn’t eat right then you were going to start taking bites out of her – and, for the first time, not in a fun and/or sexy way.

“Hey,” you pressed your forefinger to her nose. “Nat.” You poked the end of each eyebrow, then at various locations of her forehead. “Natasha!” Still, she remained asleep, and buried herself further into the blankets as some unconscious act of survival. “Nat.” You poked her right cheek. “Naat.” You poked her left cheek. “Naaat.” You poked each cheek with each hand at its softest part, pushing until you felt her teeth.  “Nat wake uuup.”

She just grunted and pushed you away before she nuzzled back into the covers. “Go away. I want to die here. Let me become a body without organs.”

She paused.

“Or is it organs without bodies?”

You sighed but make no move to displace her. “One, Natasha, we have the midterm coming out soon. If you do not know the original work done by two far left authors from the sarcastic critique by another far left author, I’m breaking up with you. Two, that’s not what that means and you making a vague reference to some postmodern concept does not mean I am going to stop being annoying. Three, would you like to come get dinner with me?”

Natasha shot up, flame-red hair messy and shirt disheveled – it made her look like the top of of a thicket of trees during a forest fire. Along the side of her face, you could see indentations from where her skin was pressed to the pillowcase. “Food?”

You nodded, pushing the strands from her eyes. “Yes, darling, food.”

She wiped at her face and pushed the covers from her legs, eyes half-closed. “Food.”

You picked some of the crust from the corner of her eyes. She blinked indignantly at you but made no move to stop you. “Do you care where we go?”

Natasha shook her head left-to-right silently, then moved to wipe her face once more.

“Okay. There is a very good Chinese place that I want to show you. Is that okay with you?”

Natasha nodded and made a mmhmm noise.

“Cool.”

You kissed the tip of her nose before you got up and scrounged together a passable outfit that would cover the bruises that still littered your body and shield you from the cold. After a few moments, Natasha opened her eyes wide enough to see a few feet in front of her and did the same.

There was s a wonderful silence that filled the air, the comfortable kind. Like the day of that quiz, it’s a wonderful kind of cozy – soothing and sweet.

You could get used to this…

It was a short walk to the restaurant, one you were all-too familiar with due to your many, many nights there. It was the first place you ate at on campus (that wasn’t one of the mind-numbingly mediocre cafeterias) the day you moved in and it had become some pseudo-home, the place always warm and waitstaff always nice (and always willing to let you eat as much as you pay for and abuse their free WiFi).

The menu hadn’t changed much (by “much,” you mean they’ve fixed two of the five typos) since you first started going there, so you should have already known what you want. Still, you opened the folded, laminated paper and read each item with genuine interest, just as Natasha did.

You looked up at her once and awhile just to see her again. Every time you tried to keep her out of your line or sight for more than a few seconds you’d almost burst at the seams, like a sunburst than could only be quelled by looking at her.

“What year are you?” Natasha asked, which broke your unbelievably tender train of thought.

Your brain, which was still very fried, did not compute. “What?”

She reached over to point to the Chinese zodiac calendar on your menu with one of many of her fingers that was inside you last night. “What year are you?”

You mumbled something and shrugged, fake-intense-reading as your neurons attempted to rebuild your capacity for speech. Luckily, Natasha seemed determined to continue the conversation.

“I’m the year of the dog,” she said, nonchalant, as if you were not losing your goddamn mind on the other side of the table. Your brain was fried, your mouth was gaping like a fish out of water, and were your hands shaking? What the fuck were you supposed to say? How should you respond?

Think, you fool! Think!

“There’s a feminist critical theorist who fucks her dog,” you blurted.

Natasha just smiled – god her smile was so big and wide and beautiful - and laughed. “Part of me thinks you’re lying, but part of me worries you’re telling the truth.”

You laughed then, too, smiling big as she did. It set the tone for the rest of the night, mood light and happy as the tired, probably-high waitress took your order and then brought you the food a suspiciously-short amount of time later. It was good, very good.

“And my mom turns to me and she goes,” you wrinkled your noise in an effort to properly invoke your mother’s nasally tone. “This family does not get Fs or Ds or Cs. You better fix this or else.”

Natasha almost choked on her soft drink at your impression. “You were supposed to make an omelet for a foods and nutrition class, what did she want you to do!?”

You took another bite of orange chicken before you rolled your eyes and shrugged. “I have no idea what that woman wants from me now, let alone when I was fuckin’ fourteen.”

You were both laughing as you took food from each other’s plates and swapped small stories. Natasha told you about her own coding mishaps (apparently it was easy to hack into news websites and create fake stories involving certain celebrities and a certain large bird and many, if not too many, phallic objects), you told her about the time you stress-cried in the bathroom so much the janitor kept tissues in a secret compartment for you.

One hand from each of you remained occupied as you held hands on the side of the table farthest from the prying eyes of fellow college students (as if any of them were sober enough to notice, though. Along with being great to you, the restaurant’s very greasy menu meant it was a good spot to quench munchies or quell the pain of an especially bad hangover).

A phone – your phone, you realized – vibrated obnoxiously on the other side of the table. Previously forgotten, you broke from the moment to reengage with the (seemingly) hundreds of people who were attempting reach you via text. At first you thought it’s an email from a client – but then you realized it was a text from a classmate. Specifically, the girl who sat front and center in the lecture hall you and Natasha shared.

“Who’s that?” Natasha asked.

You furrowed your brows as you texted, swallowing the last bit of food. “Oh, Lindsay from our class. She wants to know what I got on the quiz.”

Natasha then realized she never bothered to figure out her grade, and it brought all her anxiety about graduating on time and also making sure you’d never leave her and oh my god what if she failed this fucking quiz?

A few moments of soul-crushing silence passed before you put your phone back down. Natasha watched you like a cat stalking a fake mouse on a string, or a drunk mom at a Christmas party eyeing a dessert table; the drive was genuine, but the goal? Ridiculous. Absolutely, totally ridiculous.

You didn’t press her like she expected, though, didn’t even stare at her with that evil eye Natasha’s sure you got from your mother on more than one occasion. You just went back to eating your food, and put your phone back out of reach.

You noticed her staring at you when you went to borrow (steal) another piece of food from her plate.

“What?”

Natasha furrowed her brow. “Don’t you…Don’t you want to know what I got on the quiz?”

You shook your head as you stole another few bites worth of food. “Not unless you want to tell me.” You shrugged as you swallowed. “I’m not gonna, like, push you if you don’t want to tell me. I’m not my mother.”

Natasha smiled at that and left the conversation there. She was unnaturally quiet for the new few minutes as she listened intently while you told more stories and commented on the food and thought out loud about school and the rest of your life and should you go shopping soon?

Throughout all of it, Natasha remained incommunicative – to the point you started to worry.

“Are you okay?” you asked and reached across the table to put your hand over hers. She smiled, softly, before she replied.

“I really care about you, you know,” she said, low and almost inaudible. You said nothing in return. “And I’m very bad at this. I’m so bad at this. I spent a lot of my childhood in rooms with therapists who said less than I did. I’m not good at,” she waved her hands as she tried to find the right words. “I’m not great at emotions. And expressing them and telling people about them and all that shit. Okay?”

You swallowed the last tastes of duck sauce that coated your back teeth. Despite the sweet substance being a liquid, it felt like a waterfall of boulders cascading inside your throat. “Nat, I-“

“This isn’t me saying I love you, but I want…” Natasha was on the verge of crying, just as you were. She averted your gaze as she continues, staring at the booth cushion directly behind you. “I want to commit to you in some way. I like you, I like the person I am when I’m around you. And I don’t want to lose you because I was too much of a pussy to make a move.”

You said nothing, did nothing. Despite her not looking at you, you stared at her very serious facial expression and watched every muscle twitch for some signs of lying. You saw none.

“I…,” Natasha met your eyes as you spoke. Your mouth was so dry you nearly coughed – but the idea of making any sound terrified you. “I…I need some air.”

You didn’t wait for a reply as you pushed yourself out of the booth and ran out the front entrance.

Natasha didn’t wait for the door to close behind you before she chased after you. She left both of your phones and wallet at the booth, not wanting you to get out of eyeshot but also terrified of the waitstaff thinking the both of you were dine-and-dashers (and terrible ones, at that).

She followed you outside, ache in her heart an excellent distraction from the nighttime chill that dug tiny knives into her pale skin. Still, as her breath was visible in a faint fog in front her, no pain was as unimaginable as the one as losing you.

“Babe, plea-“  began, voice small and nonthreatening as possible.

You interrupted her and avoided looking into her eyes and picked at a loose thread in the sweater you were wearing – Natasha’s sweater you were wearing.

You worried it was the last time you’d ever see her again, and yet you refused to look at her. You refuse dto look at her large eyes and the bags under them, at her nimble hands – thin and agile from years of typing; at her plush lips or beautiful hair or-

Wasn’t that the cruelest irony of all? Of the cognitive dissonant fear of missing something while desperately avoiding looking at it. Still, you chose to jump off the proverbial cliff with your eyes clenched shut and nails digging into the pads of your soft palms and blood rushing in your ears louder than anything you’d ever heard in your life.

“I’m a sex worker.”

Natasha’s eyebrows furrowed and she breathed heavily, like when your mom got mad at you for bringing home that C your freshman year. “There’s-“

“I’m a sex worker. I make my own porn. I sell my nudes. It’s my main,” you sighed. “It’s my only source of income. It’s how I make money. It is how I will continue to make money. It’s how I stay mostly-independent from my very judgmental mother. It’s how I plan on staying mostly-independent from my very judgmental mother and my very judgmental family and the very judgmental world. And if you think that’s morally wrong of whatever, or that I’m some sort of sub-human, or that I’m evil, or that I should stop…”

For the first time that night, you looked her straight in the eyes. No smiling, no laughing, no wishing to see her beautiful face. Power. Authority. Truth. You tried to channel the red you saw on all those feminist theory books you’d had to read for the class that brought you and Natasha together.

“If you don’t believe in the validity of my labor I cannot and will not date you,” you were snarling as you stomped toward her until your toes nearly touched. “I’m not going to let someone who can’t love what I do love me.”

As you stood there, teeth bared and hands balled into fists, stories of rage flashed like lightning in your brain. Narratives of horror from your media studies class, of actresses whose only chance to scream was in front of a camera. If you had sharper nails, sharper teeth, glowing eyes that would be some award-winning monologue where people clap and call it “mind-blowing” and give it “five out of five stars.” You’d be a prime example of how satisfying rage can be as a subversive practice.

But no. You were no antihero(ine), no supernatural being caught on tape. You were not on the silver screen, you were not being streamed on some overpriced platform, you were not the subject of dissertations on media studies or really good articles on feminism or whatever else academics were doing with their time in tenure. You had filed-down nails and wide eyes and soft skin and an uneasy stomach and shaking hands and breath that faintly showed in the air when you exhaled. You had tears that threatened to fall. You had fear.

Natasha’s eyes flitted nervously, her lip between her teeth. For a moment, neither of you said anything.

Natasha was the one to speak first. Her voice sounded as terrified as you felt – with words that were spat through a set jaw and teeth bared.

“Who hurt you?”

You took a half-step back, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “What? Natasha, what the fuck are y-“

“Who hurt you?” she whispered, words like knives and eyes just as dangerous. You stepped back, almost scared of her and what she could do to you.

You were pressed against the side of the building then – you could feel the brick and mortar itching at the skin of your back through your top. “Natasha what the hell are you talking about? I don’t kn-“

“Yes,” she stepped back, but grasped at your left hand as she did so. She was a ship tethering to a dock, floating out on the water but always willing to come back to port. “Yes, you do. You know exactly who, what, I’m talking about. What they did. Just tell me who they are, and I’ll ruin their lives.”

You looked for the joke, the punchline. You looked for a glint in her eye that said she was fucking with you and was waiting for you to laugh it off. When you were in seventh grade you got asked out as a joke and the football player made the exact same facial expression you now hunt for.

But you found nothing, no teasing or set up in a larger scheme to mock you. She was serious as you’d ever seen anyone be. “What in the fuck-“

“Tell me who they are. Tell me the name of every person who ever made you feel like shit and I’ll ruin their lives. I’ll steal their identity. I’ll make it so they can never get a job, or a car, or a house again. I’ll do it in a heartbeat,” Natasha let go of your hand and held your face in her food-warm palms. “I will destroy the very existence of every person who ever made you feel like this, because you deserve someone who will protect you from all that bullshit. And I want to be that person.”

The silence was painful, almost. But also comforting. Still, you broke it so speak. “Yes, I’ll be your girlfriend.”

Natasha smiled, and pecked your lips. “Good. Now come finish my food with me, it’s getting cold and our waitress is definitely judging us.”

You broke into a fit of laughter, nearly wheezing as she guided you back inside. The food was good, even though it had cooled considerably while you were both outside – greasy and thick with flavor and hot in your mouth along with your soul and Natasha held your hand on the table and fed you with her fork and you stole bits of her food while she was distracted. At one point, Lizzo played on the restaurant soundtrack and Natasha sung low with you, and you ordered more food to take home and it was hot, too hot in your hands as you carried the large brown paper bag soaked with grease to her apartment. Maybe you were going eat the food in the morning, maybe you were going eat it later tonight. It, truly, did not really matter.

There wasn’t much time between when you put the leftovers in the fridge and when Natasha pushed you onto your knees in her (and your) (it was now shared) bedroom. There also wasn’t much time between when your knees hit the ground and when Natasha grabbed the ball gag from its place in her toy drawer.

“I’m so happy you’re mine,” Natasha cooed as she adjusted the matte black straps. She kissed at your temples when it was secured, murmuring sweet words into the top of your hairline. If there was anyone else watching you, if there were some voyeur witnessing this profession of ownership, you doubt they could hear her. The entire world could be gazing at the two of you under a microscope and they would know nothing. Wasn’t it something wonderful, to share such, dare you say it, love that cannot, will not be observed by a single being outside your pairing? “Such a pretty little thing, a beautiful little toy for me.”

You didn’t dare move, worried even a flinch would disappoint her. Even as spit began to fall down your chin and between your breasts, as it pools in the gap between your legs, you successfully resist the urge to wipe it away. Natasha walks to the end of the bed, perching herself on the covers. The silence isn’t thick or uncomfortable, rather something closer to electric, something you can feel on the insides of your nose as you sniffled.  

Slowly, she raised her right hand and crooked her first finger. You understood immediately and you got on your hands and knees to crawl across the room to her. When you reached the end of the bed you waited, obediently, for her.

Like at the restaurant – you were nearly bursting out of your skin with excitement as you awaited instruction.  

“You’re so pretty, baby,” she cooed. “Now come up on the bed and let me wreck that pussy.”

You do as you’re told without hesitation, scrambling to get on the bed and onto your back. Natasha grabbed a bottle of lube out of seemingly nowhere and poured it over the same strap from the first time she fucked you.

You moaned deeply and reached for something, anything; you whined high in your throat as she pounded into you, the bed smacking against the stained wall with each thrust.

“You’re too pretty for your own good, you know,” her voice was breathless as she spoke. “Normally I would try to keep my toys intact, try to keep them in good condition, but I just can’t seem to help myself around you.”

With each word your back arched farther, your fingers tightened around the sheets.

“F-fuck,” you moaned around the thick plastic sphere in your mouth as you tried to push your back closer to Natasha’s chest.

She grabbed your hair and bit at the curve of your ear before she spoke in a low voice that sent another wave a slick down your inner thighs. “What do you belong to?” she hisses. “Who does this pussy,” she slapped your cunt and you cried out at the stinging pain. “belong to?”

You didn’t hesitate. “You Mommy, I belong to you!”

In that moment, you wondered whether Natasha’s neighbors could hear your screams. But in the one right after, you realized you really, truly, di not give a single flying fuck what they could hear.

“Fuck yes, you’re mine,” she growled as she pressed your face into the sheets, as she loomed over you like a god would punish some human exercising an unholy level of hubris. “Don’t you fucking forget it.”

You couldn’t speak because of the ball gag – didn’t even try to – yet Natasha seemed to know exactly what you wanted to say.

“You wanna cum, love?” she cooed, still fucking into you. “You wanna cum over Mommy’s cock?”

You nodded, the whines high in your throat resembed something close to a please yes please Mommy please I wanna cum I wanna cum I wanna cum.

Just like the lube, Natasha grabbed the hitachi out of thin air before she turned it on low and pressed it to your neglected clit. It was something, it was enough, but only just so. Your muscle tensed and you wailed out as you bucked your hips, as you tried to fuck yourself harder onto the toy. Natasha notices and slows her thrusts, laughing as you become more and more desperate.

“You’re so pathetic,” she hissed. “Such a pathetic little toy. You’ll do anything to cum, won’t you?”

You nodded; words garbled.

Natasha laughed again. “Of course you would, slut. You’d do anything for me, right? You’d do anything I told you to? You’re just a mindless little toy for me, just a dumb little thing with no thoughts besides how you can please me…”

You were drooling around your gag so much it covered your cheeks and pooled on each side.

You’re blissed out, eyes glazed over and body wonderfully lax. Natasha’s isn’t done with you yet, though, because of course she isn’t. You’re now officially her girlfriend, officially hers, and maybe it’s that satisfaction or excitement or whatever in her blood but it it’s letting her stop, not now, not when you look so ethereal with a halo of sweaty hair and the sheets looking like wings and your skin practically glowing.

Not just any angel, her angel – her perfect little blessed creature, sanctified even as she degrades you in such a sacrilegious way.

“I want you to cum when I count to ten,” Natasha murmured as she pushed the sweaty hairs that had escaped their confines from your eyes. “Alright, baby?”

You nodded and tried to chase the fleeting feeling of her fingers as they dusted over your feverish skin.

She turned the Hitachi up a setting, smiling as it met your clit and you cried out.

“One,” she mumbled, rubbing the head against you in small circles. It was something, but certainly not enough.

“Two.”

Natasha knew this. She knew you didn’t orgasm all that easily.

“Three.”

Regardless, she agonizingly slowly turned the toy up a setting. Just as you feared, it remained insufficient.

“Four.”

God, nearly halfway there and you were terrified what would happen if you couldn’t cum. Part of it was exhilarating, but part of it gnawed a small hole in your stomach that left you…empty, somehow.

“Five.”

She ticked it up one, two more settings. You sighed in relief and moved your hips with what little mobility she’d allowed you.

“Six.”

She increased the vibrations again and reveled in your squeals.

“Seven.”

You cried out and wanted to beg for mercy.

“Eight.”

You didn’t.

“Nine.”

You felt like you’d forgotten how to breathe, lungs shriveled up into nothingness. It was as if you could feel each of your cells as they begged for oxygen, as your blood desperately tried to each your heart and brain.

“Ten.”

You came with a deafening scream, your whole body shaking for what feels like forever.

When you came down, your girlfriend was next to the bed, holding what you could only is another section of rope. What she planned to do with it, you had zero idea.

“How ya doin’, baby?” She asks. Natasha could sense something was off, but worried about misreading the signs.

It’s obvious she was not incorrect, though, when you tapped at your thigh three times.

Immediately, Natasha drops the toys in her hands and rushes over – untying the gag and freeing your limbs.

“What’s wrong, baby?” She scanned your body – terrified of finding blood or something worse. “What do you need?”

You swallowed what little spit you could find, your voice hoarse as you spoke. “Red,” a pause as you attempted to swallow once more. “Water.”

It was  all Natasha needed before she was rushing off to the fridge to grab a chilled bottle of the stuff and one of those reusable straws she stole from your apartment.

When she returned to the room she pulled you into her lap, keeping you upright as she leaned against the wall.

Natasha watched every muscle, every twitch as you drank from the straw. Your body seemed unwilling to move itself, relying on Natasha to hold you upright enough so that you didn’t choke. The room was silent except for the sound of your noisy swallowing (and, soon, the slurping of last droplets of water). You were about to ask for more, but Natasha found an unopened plastic water bottle within reach and held that for you, too. It reminded you of the first time the two of you fucked, and suddenly the world didn’t feel so cold anymore.

“I’m done, Mommy,” you told her when half the water was gone. “I’m good.”

“You sure, babygirl?” her voice laced with deep, genuine concern. Her eyes reflected the same emotion.

You nodded, leaning into her and rubbing your knuckles where they laid against her thigh. “I’m sure, Mommy. Thank you.”

Natasha closed the bottle and tossed it into the half-open bedside table drawer before she wrapped you in her arms. “Of course, honeybee. I’m proud of you for using your safe word, thank you for trusting me.”

You mmmed and laid there for a moment, your breathing in rhythm with Natasha. You two sat there, comfortable in the silence. If there was anything else to say, you’d say it – but for the while you enjoyed the wordless space you and her existed in.

It took a long while, after your heart had slowed and your breathing had evened out, but you eventually fell asleep in Natasha’s arms. It was peaceful, deep – somehow impossibly more satisfying than any of the other times you’d fallen asleep, even the times you’d fallen asleep with her. There, secured from harm in her arms and wrapped in blankets, you felt secure. It was indescribable, it was wonderful, it was safe. And to you, in that moment, it was heaven.

[lu-undy]

Chapter 74 - SBT (Spicy, kids, stay away!)

Here it is!

"So, gonna tell me what you have for me that's better than dinner?" 

"I will, be patient." 

Lucien straddled his lover's lap and smiled. He held both his hands and laced his fingers between the Aussie's. 

"Alright, how long before you tell me?" 

"We will get our dinner delivered, then, we can sleep - or not, as you wish - and tomorrow, you shall enjoy your surprise."

"Sounds like I already have one for tonight, eh?" Mundy put his hands on Lucien's waist. 

"You might." 

Suddenly both men heard a cry for help outside of the van. Lucien jumped out of Mundy's lap and both leapt at the door and opened it. 

"I-I'm sorry!" The poor man said. "I-I'm the delivery bloke, I just have your order!"

Mundy and Lucien looked between themselves and the delivery man. The herd of fluff was hissing, showing their needle-like teeth at the intruder. 

"Cats, calm down, he's ok." Mundy said as he walked to the poor, scared man. 

"Sit." Lucien said and all the cats obeyed. "Good boys and girls." He crouched to pet them. "We do apologise for the trouble, they are not usually outside without us to look after them." 

"It's fine. A hell of a family of cats you have, eh?" 

"Yeah… Here's for your tip and thanks mate. Sorry again." 

"No worries, bye!"

Mundy and Lucien slipped in the van again. 

"Wanna get in?" Mundy asked the cats. 

"Meow." Soot spooned his companion and started to bathe Perle. 

"Alright, fine, try and not make other babies especially not in front of these ones…"

Perle hissed. 

"Mundy, they know what they are doing, come inside, please."

The Aussie chuckled. 

"Fair enough."

He slipped in and they sat down. 

"What did you get us?" 

"Some chinese, I hope you will like it." Lucien answered. 

"Prefer French, but it's fine." He winked at Lucien who smiled. 

Each took their box and started eating their noodles. 

"Mh, could have taken it more spicy than that, eh?" Mundy said. 

"I have very low tolerance for hot food, and I didn't know for you so I played it safe." Lucien answered. "If the lack of hotness is unbearable, I can correct for that after dinner." 

"Well now, you have to, eh? Can't promise me things like that and not deliver." Mundy answered. 

"Then let it be so. But before I forget, tomorrow I shall arrange a few things, I don't need you to be here so you can stay home and sleep for a bit longer."

"Alright, that's nice." 

"Are you not curious as to where I am going?"

"As long as you come back and still love me, I trust you, love." 

Lucien smiled. 

"And I value it pricelessly, mon loup." 

They went on having their dinner.

"So, how d'you feel about Victoria's weddin'? You nervous?" Mundy asked. 

"Quite so, oui. I never imagined walking someone down the aisle in a church for their wedding, especially not like that…" 

"What d'you mean, like that?" 

"Victoria is not my daughter."

"She feels like she is though. And I saw you with her, luv', you really behave like you're her dad." 

"Hm. Maybe."

"For sure!" Mundy said before slurping more noodles. "The way you held her and comforted her in the diner… I was starin' at you and was thinking to myself that your son was mighty lucky to have you as his dad." 

Lucien's eyes snapped wide. 

"I'm serious, love. You're… very different from my dad, for example." 

"How so?" Lucien asked. 

"Dad wasn't very… Uh… He wouldn't show that he loved me much. Not that he didn't, I think he really did love me but he just never said it or showed it. But you, hell, that hug you gave her was more than I ever got from my Dad."

"I see… Same for me technically." Lucien answered. "I never knew my father, never met him. I only saw one picture of him which is now under the ground in Paris."

"D'you ever… regret doin’ that?" Mundy asked. 

"Doing what?"

"Buryin' all your personal stuff?"

"I am not sure. Part of me doesn't want to look back and just wants to focus on this new life I am leading here."

"But the other half wants that stuff back?"

"Not so much for my own." Lucien answered. "But rather, for you."

"Me?"

"Oui. I would like to show you Marie and Jérémy, I would like to show you so many things so that you understand me better…"

"Hey, love…" Mundy tightened his embrace. "I get you, ok? I understand you and respect you."

"Thank you." 

Lucien raised his lips and they exchanged a kiss. He then straddled his lover's lap without his lips disconnecting from the Aussie's. 

"Mmh… Yer lips taste amazin'..." 

"So do yours…" 

The kisses became wet and sloppy while hands touched, grabbed, explored and Lucien seemed particularly eager that evening…

"Gosh, y-your hips, Lu'..." 

Mundy felt his lover was rolling them against his. He put his hands on Lucien's waist and indeed his palms rolled, following the Frenchman's pelvis. 

"Bugger, Lu', wait, let's get to bed…"

"Oui." 

They both slipped in the bed and their clothes were thrown left and right, carelessly, until they ended up naked. 

"L-Lu'... You really are doin' things to me right now…"

"I can feel it, mon loup…" Lucien answered. He was on top of Mundy, kissing his neck and going down to his chest. 

"What put you in the mood? You went from normal to this in a flash?!" Mundy asked. 

"You, your lips, your touch, your eyes…" Lucien punctuated his sentences with kisses and licks, to which Mundy closed his eyes and whimpered. His hips started to react on their own. "I also have taken the liberty to buy something for tonight…" The Frenchman added as he was biting the Aussie's hip. 

"Oof-! W-what is it?"

"This here." Lucien put it on Mundy's chest and the Aussie squinted. Not a split second later, his eyes snapped wide as he understood what that little plastic bottle contained. 

"Oh… Y-you wanna-?"

"Oui." Lucien cut him. He laced his fingers through Mundy's and went to his lips.

"N-now?" 

Their lips lapped and sucked at each other's, filling the van with sounds that made them both warmer. 

"If you so wish, mon loup, I am yours." Lucien almost whispered in Mundy's ears, with his velvet voice.

"Bloody hell… Y-your voice…"

"What about it, hm?" Lucien went on. 

"You know… Perfectly… But what's the plan, hm? Turn me on like there's no tomorrow and then what?" Mundy asked.

Lucien went to his ear and put his hands on Mundy's cheeks. 

"Use that bottle… and me." 

Mundy's eyes snapped wide and his pupils shrank. He grabbed Lucien by his lips and flipped him to be the one on top. He then turned the Frenchman on his stomach with raging lust. 

"Gosh, Lu'..." Mundy laid on top of Lucien, flush against him on his back and started lazily grinding as he bit and kissed his shoulder and his back. "I… I don't wanna hurt you but…"

"Please, I know you won't hurt me… Just have fun… Argh-!" Lucien felt Mundy's teeth dig deeper on his shoulder, his pointy canines would leave a mark, for sure. 

"Want you…" Mundy growled.

"Take me…" Lucien answered before another bite made the sweat break everywhere and the heat between his legs coiled more.

Mundy went down, leaving marks of teeth and such all along his lover's back until he arrived where he wanted. 

"Gosh you look like a porcelain doll…" His hands grasped Lucien's soft flesh left and right and kneaded it like a priceless dough. Lucien whimpered and propped himself up on his elbows. "You look so good I could bloody eat you…" 

"Be my guest - argh!" 

Mundy growled as his hungry teeth dug in the flesh. 

"Mon Dieu!" 

Lucien arched his back as he felt his lover's tongue closing in on his vulnerability. He grabbed a pillow and dug his nails in it as he moaned.

"Look at all this…" Mundy lapped where the Frenchman had been craving some attention and Lucien moaned loud. The Aussie let his tongue paint the tight ring of muscles as his hands pulled left and right to reveal the Frenchman's secrets better. 

"Mon Dieu, Mundy… Aargh!" 

"You're bloody delicious… and so fuckin' soft…" 

"Argh! Please!" 

"What d'you want, hm?" Mundy lapped and the Frenchman's hips jerked on their own. 

"Please… The bottle…" Lucien's eyes were shut, he couldn't see anything anymore. 

"Right, here comes." 

Lucien heard the plastic cap pop open and Mundy coated his finger generously. 

"C'mere." Mundy flipped Lucien on his back again and went straight for a sloppy kiss. Lucien wrapped his arms around his lover and kept his legs open. "Breathe slowly and relax, ok? I got you, luv'..." 

"Oooh… Hah… Slowly… Please…" He hissed.

Mundy held him with one arm while his finger worked gently on his lover. 

"See…? I'm goin' very slowly, it's all fine… Relax, luv', I've got you here… You're with me…" 

"Aaah… Mundy…"

"Sssh, save your strength, just enjoy." Mundy added a kiss to Lucien's lips before sitting between his open legs. He took the bottle and squirted more of its content on his finger before going at it again. 

"Aah… P-please, Mundy…?" Lucien's eyebrows were arched high up. 

"Yeah?" 

"More…" 

"Okay. Here… I'll go slow as always, ok…?"

"O-oui… Oh… Oui… mmmh…" 

Mundy worked him up in slow, gentle movements and Lucien discovered feelings he thought he never would.

"Mundy, please… Your lips…"

"Sure, luv'." Mundy laid on top of Lucien's slim body and held him close as he kissed him. He got surprised by how much Lucien needed it. "You ok, darl'? You feel different."

"Please hold me." 

"Course." Mundy let his whole weight fall on Lucien and held him close and tight. "Talk to me, what is it?"

"It is… My first time doing this… I need you to be slow… I apologise but-"

"No, don't apologise, we'll take our time, ok? And if you want to stop here, we'll stop here, ok?"

"I am sorry." Lucien screwed his eyes shut in shame. 

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with wantin' to go slow, ok?"

"Oui but a minute ago I was so sure of myself but now I don't know anymore." 

"It's ok, it's fine, you can change your mind." 

"But Mundy I put you in this state and now I'm backing away… It's…"

"It's fine is what it is. There is no problem whatsoever, ok, Lu'?" Mundy put his hands left and right on his lover's cheeks. "Love? Open your eyes, just a second." 

"I can't. I'm ashamed." 

"Hm." Mundy thought fast. He put the blanket over them both, they were now both underneath it. "Here, now, nothing will get to you. Please, Lu', look at me, I need to see your beautiful eyes…?" 

Lucien frowned. 

"Love…?" Mundy kissed his closed eyelids gently. "Please, gorgeous?" 

Lucien blinked a couple of times and opened his eyes. He looked up at Mundy and quickly averted his gaze. 

"Hey… Don't feel weird about it." 

"I am sorry." 

"No, don't be, there's nothin' to be sorry about." He kissed his bearded cheek. 

"Yes, there is. Look at me, a man older than you and I behave like a teenage girl…"

"No." Mundy answered. "I couldn't give a shit how you behave like. You have your limits and I have mine, if we get close to these limits, you have to tell me and I'll gladly stop, ok?"

"At my age, Mundy, at my God-forsaken age…!"

"Who gives a shit?!" Mundy asked. "I don't! It's your first time and I'm so bloody happy it's with me and… Gosh, this whole thing just makes me love you more…!"

"You say this to comfort me." Lucien was still not looking his lover in the eye. 

"No, I don't. I just think it's beautiful of you to react this way… It feels like…" Mundy brushed his lover's upper cheeks with his thumbs and Lucien finally met his eyes. "Feels like a first time to me too, eh?" He smiled softly. 

"I love you, Mundy…" Those round, light blue eyes were something to behold. Lucien's eyebrows were arched up in a pleading way and the Aussie couldn't help but just smile and try and remember that instant, that face, the long silver hair all around it like the beams of a masculine sun… 

"I love you too, sweetheart, ok?" Mundy continued brushing Lucien's cheeks. 

"Oui." 

"And I'm proud of you."

"Really?" 

"Yeah, you took more than I ever did in my life. You're a bloody hero, y-you're my everythin'. I love you so much." Mundy kissed Lucien's cheek again and the Frenchman pulled him closer. 

"I cannot ever recall a man as gentle as you are, Mundy." 

"Never seen anyone as gorgeous as you eh." 

"Pfff…" 

"What? It's true." He chuckled.

"I can believe it." Lucien arrogantly answered. 

"Love ya." Mundy buried his head in Lucien's neck and peppered kisses from time to time. "Love ya like you have no idea." 

"Me too." Lucien wrapped his arms around Mundy's head. "Me too, mon amour, but please…?"

"What?" 

"I think I am ready for more." 

"You sure? We can stop it here if you want." 

"Non, please… I want you." Lucien pulled him closer and grinded his hips.

Mundy left a final kiss. 

"Should I continue or…?" 

"Oui, please."

"Anythin' for you, love." Mundy coated his fingers again. "You really sure though? Oh…"

Lucien took his lover's hand and guided him down where he wanted it to be. 

"Alright, here we go…"

"Ahaa…. Hah…" 

"Breathe slowly and relax. It's much easier than earlier, I can feel it."

"More, please." Lucien closed his eyes to focus on what was happening down there.

"Right… Here… How does that feel?" 

"Orh… Oui… A-another finger, please, I want to feel you more." 

"Okay, luv', take a slow, deep breath." 

"Oh-oui… Oui, Mundy…" Lucien hissed and arched his back. "Oh!" Mundy started moving his fingers and Lucien's hips moved slowly. 

"That's it, Lu'... You're doin' amazing, you're great." 

"Please, your lips." 

Mundy bent down and Lucien pulled him closer when their lips collided. 

"Mmh, how d'you feel, love?"

"I will be better in a minute."

"Oh, bugger, am I hurting you?" 

"Non," Lucien smiled. "I mean when you will truly make love to me." 

Mundy felt a rush of blood to his head. The way that Lucien gazed at him, lovingly, and those words… Poetry. 

"Y-you're… the best." Mundy laid on his lover and kissed him again, more and more. He was past the shy stage now and felt comfortable enough to stick his tongue out himself and start the French kiss. Lucien moaned under him and wrapped his legs around the Aussie's back. 

"Mundy…" 

"Oh! Gosh…!"

Lucien had grasped both their masculinities in one hand and stroked them in unison. Mundy groaned and buried his head deep in Lucien's shoulder. He started grinding against his member and in his warm palm. 

"Gosh, Lu'... Yeah… Yeah…" Mundy added his hand on top of Lucien's and both rolled their hips in rhythm. One groaned and the other whimpered. A concert of lust in delight major. 

"M-Mundy… Please… Do it…" 

"You sure, luv'?"

"Oui… I want you… in me." 

Mundy's eyes rolled back in bliss and his member gave a twitch. 

"I want you too… You're so bloody sexy…" 

"I do my best." 

"You don't need to." 

Mundy grabbed the bottle and popped the cap open again. 

"Non!" Lucien snatched it off his hands and poured some of it in his palm. "Let me please…"

"Course." 

They sat on their knees, face to face. Lucien sank down on all four and grabbed Mundy's member in his hand. 

"What are you - oh? Yeah… Please… Gnh…" 

Lucien took it between his lips and tasted it. Annoyingly enough, his long hair was flowing everywhere and it wasn't practical at all. He swooshed his head left and right to throw it out of the way.

"Let me help ya…"

Mundy took Lucien's hair and held it away from his face. The Frenchman hummed in thanks and sucked just a bit harder. 

"You're welc-oh!-me" Mundy's hips jerked forward on their own.

Lucien chuckled as he pulled back and generously slicked his lover's member with the content of the bottle he had bought. 

"There… Keep the bottle near, we might need more, mon amour."

"Sure." 

"How do you want me?"

"On your belly, luv'." 

Lucien did as he was told. Mundy lay on top of him and kissed the back of his neck. 

"You ready, Lu'?"

"I have been waiting for too long, Mundy, please…"

Mundy took the matter in his own hand and positioned himself. 

"Breathe deep, Lu'." 

Lucien closed his eyes and he felt it. 

"Oh… Oui… Doucement… Oui… Orh - Mundy…!"

[Softly]

"You're doin' great…" Mundy groaned. "Just tell me if it's too much or anythin'..."

"More, please…!" 

Mundy lay down again on top of his lover and bit his shoulder gently as he pushed his hips deeper. 

And then, he stopped. He was entirely in the safety of his lover's body. 

"Gosh… You alright?" 

"O-oui… Don't move, please, hold on…" 

"Course." 

Lucien turned his head and Mundy kissed his bearded cheek and his lips. The Frenchman was barely kissing back. He was focusing on the new sensations. It was hurting, obviously, but knowing that it was his lover's member that was pulling his body at its limits made it all worthwhile. 

"You're gorgeous…  And brave… I love you… And you feel so… so…" 

"Say it." Lucien asked. 

"So bloody tight, argh…" Mundy's member was aching with anticipation as he felt Lucien's walls closely wrapping him all around. 

"Move, gently please…" 

Mundy pulled his hips back slowly, not all the way, and pushed in again. He maintained the excrutiatingly slow rhythm for entire minutes. 

"Mmmh, Lu', you sure you're relaxed…?"

"Oui, as much as I can be…"

"Gosh you're so tight… I'm so scared to hurt you…" 

"You won't, continue gently for a bit more, please…"

Mundy's hands were wrapped around his lover's torso as he rolled his hips slowly still. He felt his lover's body get used to it as it relaxed little by little. 

"Mundy…?"

"Yeah?"

"Faster, please."

"Ok." 

Mundy picked up the pace only slightly, still afraid that it would go pear-shaped. But soon he felt Lucien raise his own hips to meet him. And the Frenchman started moaning louder as Mundy's hips matched Lucien's eager ones. 

The Frenchman buried his head in the pillow to smother his obscene song of pleasure but Mundy wanted to hear him, he slipped the pillow off of him away and held his body between his strong arms. 

"Bloody hell you sound and feel amazin'..." 

Both were in a pool of sweat and the van's temperature had dramatically risen. The bed started creaking under them both and they moaned, hissed, growled and groaned louder still. 

"M-Mundy… Ahaa…"

"Nnh-! Yeah…?"

"Hold me close, please…!" 

Mundy instinctively put a hand on Lucien's, pinning his wrist to the bed and sliding his fingers in between the Frenchman. His other hand went underneath Lucien, he wanted to hold him somewhere and couldn't find where until his hand grasped wherever it was and Lucien let a powerful and high-pitched moan out. He rolled his eyes up in bliss. Mundy had wrapped his fingers around his throat… 

The Aussie bent down again to push his hips deeper and he bit Lucien's ear. He grunted at each push of his hips. 

"You're - bloody - amazin'... You feel - so - bloody - good… gnnh! Y-you're gettin' me close…"

Lucien was moaning with an open mouth and as Mundy kissed his cheek and now the corner of his mouth, he realised that the poor Frenchman was drooling on the mattress, he had lost all sense of control of his body. 

"Lu'...? Lu'... What you said about the bottle and stuff… D'you mean it…? You said to use the bottle and… you?"

Lucien painfully nodded. 

"Fuck…!"

"Nnnh?!" 

Mundy tightened his grip on Lucien's throat slightly and grabbed his shoulder for leverage. His thrusts were now utterly controlled by his hips. He ran after his satisfaction, chasing it as he flared his nostrils, moving as fast and deep as he possibly could. Lucien opened his legs slightly more and Mundy stopped. 

"Bugger… Are you alright?" 

Lucien was sobbing. 

"Hey, luv', darlin', Lu', talk to me…" 

Lucien panted to catch his breath and he answered, his eyes still closed. 

"Please take me… to the end… with you… Don't stop… again… Before… the end…" 

Mundy frowned. 

"Anythin' for you." 

He put a hand back on Lucien's throat while the other was now on the Frenchman's member. Mundy's hips started anew and he felt it. Lucien's masculinity had been out of patience and Mundy's fingers were coated in its eagerness. 

"Gosh, you've been on the edge for far too long… I'm sorry, luv', we'll do it together, I'm takin' you to the end, I promise…!" 

Mundy's body was melting in a pool of sweet as he picked up the pace on his pelvis and his hand. 

"L-Lu'! Lu'', I'm so close-!" 

Lucien groaned louder as he thrusted his hips into Mundy's hand…!

In a concerto, both yelling their satisfaction as if they were alone in the world, they arrived where they had aimed to be. Mundy bit Lucien's neck at the back as he sheathed himself as deep as he could. At the same time, he felt Lucien's pleasure burst out on his fingers.

They panted and breathed heavily, Mundy freed Lucien's throat and kissed him wherever his mouth could reach, namely, on the top of his back and the back of his neck. 

"I love you… I love you… I love you… You're the best, I've never loved anyone else like you before, you just… You make everything make so much sense… You… You're everythin' I never could dream of… Y-you're the stuff of books and movies… You're amazing…" 

Lucien sniffed and Mundy's eyes snapped wide open. 

"Lu'? Love, tell me, what's wrong?" He hugged his lover tight. 

"P-please… Can you…?" Lucien moved his hips and Mundy gasped. 

"Oh, bugger, sure…" He withdrew gently and Lucien curled in a ball. He continued to sniff. 

"Lucien, please, talk to me? Did I go too far? Did you want me to stop but you couldn't say? Oh, Gosh, I-I'm so sorry, I… Argh…" Mundy gagged and Lucien flipped on the bed. 

"'Scuse me…" 

Mundy put on his underwear and slipped out of the van. 

"M-Mundy?" 

[samcrobae]

Nanny, Part 10

Gif Credit: @blackmoonrising

Warnings: mentions of substance use, abuse and overdose. Read with caution or just skip if this is not something you are comfortable reading.

I didn’t proof read all the way because I can hardly keep my eyes open

If I missed you in the tag list please let me know!

Thank y’all so much for all of the positive feedback on this, my heart is seriously so thankful! ❤️❤️

————————————-

Angel stared at the packet in front of him, sitting across from EZ at his fathers kitchen table. “Nah I don’t believe that, this can’t be right.” He slams the file shut and stares at EZ. “Drugs? Elena? No.”

“You read it for yourself Angel. It doesn’t say who she was involved with or how she got involved but look. She was arrested not long after she left. Then again a few months later. He pulled her bank statements and she deposited a lot of money Angel. Then a year later she took it all out. And look. Hospital records. She was there for an intentional overdose.”

“Yeah but who was she getting this shit from? Where did she get the money? Was she running from something?” Angel couldn’t wrap his head around the idea.

“Or someone.” Felipe added. “That could explain why she left the way she did. Didn’t want to put Natalie in any danger.”

“I gotta find her and talk to her myself. If this junkie thinks ima let her come near my kid she got me fucked up. Y/N can’t find out about this. Not yet. She’ll lose her mind. Bad enough she ain’t sleeping. With Nico up all night anyway she’s stressed out.

——————————————-

You had just put Natalie and Nico down for the night and had about 3 hours before he was up again to nurse. You were loading up the dishwasher for the night when you heard Angels bike pull into the driveway.

He kicked off his boots and hung his kutte by the door and made his way into the kitchen to greet you. “How was your day mami?” He kisses your cheek and pulls you in by your waist, your hands coming up to rest on his chest. “Long. All Nico wants is to be on the boob all day, I can’t keep up. Natalie has so much energy, I’m pretty sure I’m gonna be sore from running around with her tomorrow. I just wanna get in the shower and sleep.”

Angel turned you around so that your back was to him and he rubbed your shoulders, “then let’s go take a shower. I had a day too. Shit with Elena-"

“Angel can we not talk about her tonight? I’m just so tired.” You walk away and head into the bathroom to turn the water on. You strip down and toss your clothes into the hamper, Angel doing the same before you both step in. You let the hot water run over your neck and shoulders, washing the days chaos away. Angel brings his hands up and wraps them around your waist hugging you tight against your chest.

“I love you Y/N.” He peppers your neck and shoulders with quick and delicate kisses and you let your head fall back against him. “The doctor said we can have sex again... let me help you relax baby, yeah?” He brings his hands up over your breasts and squeezes them, taking care not to squeeze too hard since you are breastfeeding and one wrong touch and you’re leaking everywhere.

Your reach your hands back to touch the back of his head and give his hair a gentle tug, causing him to let out a low groan and he bit down on your neck. “Let’s go to the bed, we can shower when I’m done with you.” You step out of the tub and he leads you to the connected master bedroom and you lay down on your king sized bed.

He kneels in between you running his hands up your stomach and back to your breasts again, before taking a finger and running it along your core. You drove your hips forward begging for the attention you so desperately needed, “Angel don’t tease me.” He lowered his face closer to you and kissed, sucked, and bit your inner thighs then delivered one slow lick up your folds, making a gasp escape your lips. You had goosebumps and your legs were beginning to quiver each time he delivered another lick.

Wrapping his arm across your hips, he held you in place as he ate you out. Your hands gripping and pulling at the sheets as your back arched. He was good at so many things, but damn that man had a way with his tongue you never thought possible. He spread your lips and flicked his tongue along your clit, causing that familiar fire in your belly. Your thrust your hips up to meet his tongue and brought one hand to his head, instructing him to continue what he was doing.

“Oh my god.... baby.... yes....” you felt your orgasm rush through you, your vision fading momentarily and you chanted his name like a prayer. He lapped at your juices and came back up to kiss you. You could taste yourself on his lips. He sat back on his knees and spread your legs and lined himself up with your entrance. “Look at you...look at that pretty pussy..” he rubbbed the Tip over your clit and you shuddered. “This what you want mami? You want daddy to give you this dick don’t you?”

“Yes..please Angel..”

He slipped himself inside you effortlessly, but was more gentle than he would have normally been since you hadn’t had sex since giving birth.

“You okay? Is this okay?” He asked as he slowly thrusted in and out of you.

You nodded your head yes, followed by, “baby, I need you. Faster please.” He sped up, you gripping his forearms. The only sounds filing the air was the sound of skin slapping skin and your muffled moans as you pushed your face into a pillow. He always made you feel like you could explode at any given second when he was inside you, and tonight was no different.

“Shit you fuck me so good, please keep going, pleaseee..." you were whining, begging at this point, but you were touch starved and sex deprived you didn’t care. “Angel I’m gonna cum ..."

“Cum mami, say my name..." he brought his thumb up and ran circles over your clit.

Your breathing was fast and heavy, barely able to form a sentence, “Angel— ang-" your mouth formed an O shape and you threw your head back into your pillows. Angel quickly followed, and laid down next to you.

“I love you mami.” He kisses your shoulder.

“And I love you baby.” You replied.

—————————————-

2 months had passed and Angel still had no other leads on Elena. No contact, he hasn’t seen her, heard from her, heard of her. He was out everyday with EZ trying to find something, anything that could possibly point to what had happened causing her to leave the way she did.

You hardly saw him, the club and him being out on runs or with EZ all the time had completely consumed him. You were exhausted and essentially raising two kids alone. You had stopped waiting up for him after about a month.some nights he’d come home and not speak to you or the kids. Other nights he’d come home, you’d have sex and that was it.

You were currently sitting in the doctors office as you had made an appointment to talk with her about getting back on birth control. Of course you and Angel wanted more kids but a lot had happened in the amount of time you had been together and Angel wasn’t in the right head space and had so much going on with the club.

“Well, we have options, but none of which we can explore today. You’re pregnant." Your doctor informed you.

You felt your heart sink. “Again? No that’s not possible.”

“Well, are you having sex?”

“Yes...”

“And are you using any form of protection?”

“Well no. But I’m breastfeeding , I read that i wouldn’t get pregnant...."

“Well that’s not a guarantee, either.” The doctor stated very matter of factly.

You got into your car and sobbed. You loved Angel. Natalie. Nico. Why were you so upset? Upsets not the word for it. Disappointed? How were you going to tell Angel? Did you even want to tell angel?

You pull into your driveway and see EZ and Coco’s bikes out front. Stepping into the living room Natalie ran to you “mommy! For dinner today can we have Chinese food? I love Chinese food”

Angel handed Nico over to you, “hey baby we missed you.” He grabbed his kutte and threw it on.

“Angel where are you going? I literally just walked through the door.”

“I know querida I know I’m sorry but shit with Elena is finally coming together"

“Oh Jesus Christ can we just stop talking about Elena?! Fuck Angel this shit has you completely tangled in something that doesn’t make sense. Between the club and Elena we never see you, we don’t even speak! Just fucking let it go." You groaned and head to the kitchen to look for the Chinese menu.

“Woah, let it go? What? Are you kidding me? All of this shit I’m doing , time I’m spending away from my family is so that I can get some answers and so you can lay your pretty head down at night and finally get some fuckin sleep. So you can stop being so god damn paranoid all day long. Shits fuckin exhausting to watch." He hollered. He had never raised his voice at you and you were caught off guard. You were still processing your pregnancy.

“Screw you Angel this is not the shit I signed up for! Being put 2nd to your club, to your junkie baby mama, oh yeah I know about that. Did you think I want gonna find out? You left her paperwork on the living room table. Were you even gonna tell me?”

EZ and Coco watched on as the two of you fought, EZ taking Natalie into his arms and outside, coco following behind them. Nico on your hip.

“Not the shit you signed up for? Are you serious right now? You were all about the shit back in San Francisco, all about the shit when you moved in with me, you were really with the shit when I put that diamond ring on your finger. Or did you forget?"

“Fuck. Why can’t you just be wrapped up and concerned with the 3 kids and fiancée you have now and not Elena and whatever is happening with the club?” You felt your eyes begin to water.

“Three kids?” His face contorted and stepped closer to you.

“I’m pregnant Angel. Again”.

———————————————————-

Tag List: @starrynite7114 @woahitslucyylu @briannab1234 @gemini0410 @ifoundmyhappythought @cind-in-real-life @scuzmunkie @iambabyharry @sadeyesgf @carlaangel86 @everyhowlmarksthedead @notsobuckybarnes @wrcn9fvlcver @elcococruz @jenny885 @general-tiny-mouse @loud-midget @danie1432 @strawberrywritings @justanothermonstah @whatdoyoumeme @thickemadame @jadert15 @yoooitssalexx @blackmissfrizzle @mheart27 @briana-mishell24 @that-chick212 @clayymarek

[lupienne]

The Reality - Negan and Lucille

Hey guys, here’s a little Halloween fic of Negan and Lucille. I started it like two years ago and never felt motivated to finish it. So I finally sat down today on Halloween and wrote the end of it, and while I’m not really happy with it... whatever. Here it is anyway! I think it’s kind of bittersweet, but that’s just me. 

-

The Reality

Gourds were on porches, leaves on the ground, and the stores were filled with pumpkin-flavored everything. The crisp air was a slap to the lungs, in a good way.

I'd always loved Fall, and I'd always looked forward to Halloween. That night when reality wavered on the edge. When you could be dark or light, the opposite of yourself – when you could be anything for just a few hours.

I hadn't been a fan of the days passing by lately. Dread sat like a tumor in my stomach.

The reality was... that reality fucking sucked.

I watched my breath puff out white as I came home on Thursday. Maybe it wouldn't fucking rain this Halloween. We might get snow instead.

After dinner, I polished off a few apple cider donuts, then settled on the couch to watch TV with Lucille. She was quiet and sleepy-eyed as the clock ticked towards my bedtime. The holiday was days away, falling right splat on a Saturday.

“Tony said he found some fuckin' booze flavored like Candy Corn. I hope that's not all he's gonna have, because that's gross as fuck.” I yawned. “What do you think I should dress as? Fuck, I shouldn't have waited until the last minute.”

We always attended Tony Synder's party down the block. I wasn't really crazy about the guy, but I'm not gonna pass up free food or secretly laughing at the neighbor's costumes. (I always looked fucking amazing.) I liked to switch up my style, but Lucille usually dressed as a witch. And not some sloppy, warty green hag...but a hot fucking witch. Her slim figure in a black corset, her tits pushed up, her cascade of black curls falling over one eye. In years past, we'd come home from that party partly drunk and ripping each other's costumes off as we stumbled through the door. God damn. I was almost getting hard thinking of it.

Almost. The past few years, Lucille had me at arm's reach and I couldn't blame her. I was shit, I was an unfaithful piece of shit, but she-

That shit didn't matter anymore.

“He-Man,” she said with a chuckle. “I want to see you rocking that little leather harness.”

“Goddamn, that's right on the edge of indecent exposure. Isn't he practically naked?”

“Why do you think I suggested it?”

“I would make a hot blond.” I slid closer to her, and she nestled against my side. “You gonna be my Bewitching Beauty as always?”

She was quiet for so long I thought she'd fallen asleep.

“...think I'm gonna sit this one out.”

“But why?”

“I don't know. Just not up to it, I guess. But you go, have fun. Maybe you'll find a hot date.”

I swallowed hard. After everything....I couldn't laugh at those types of jokes.

“...Stop that shit. You're the only hot date I want. I don't wanna go alone. We don't have to stay long.”

“Look, Negan, they won't want me there.”

“What the fuck are you talking about? Tony adores you, which is why I ain't his biggest fan, cause I know he's always wanted to stick his dick in you-”

She let out a laugh that was more of a scoff. “Doubt he feels that way now. Nobody wants a dying woman at their party, making things awkward.”

I felt like I'd been punched in the goddamn balls. My stomach went to my throat and I roiled with sudden nausea. Eyes burning with acid. I fought it, I fought it motherfuckin' hard . My jaw clenched like I was in rigor mortis, my body shuddering.

“Don't...don't say fucking shit like that.”

She nudged my ribs. “God, calm down, Negan. What about this, huh? I don't have any hair.”

“It's Hallo-fucking-ween. Everyone is wearing a motherfuckin' wig right now. You'll fit right in.”

She leaned her head on my arm. “I'm tired. I'll think about it. Ok?”

That meant no. But it wasn't official yet, so I was gonna stop at the party store and buy that fucking He-Man getup and the best witch wig I could find. She'd change her mind right quick once she saw me in that loincloth.

As she went to bed, I stared out the window at the orange light of our Jack-o-lantern. The nausea had settled back into my bones. A constant undercurrent, moving through my veins like poisoned blood.

Too many tricks, life. Not enough treats.

---

Friday night. I stopped at the party store. The cashier rung up my purchases, then looked me over with a twinkle in her eye. I refused to be flattered – ok, I was kind of fucking flattered. The wig for Lucille was the most expensive they had. If you squinted, it looked nearly like her natural spill of curls.

At home, I put my hand on the package, and felt a rush of fucking darkness come over me. I had to fucking sit there, like so many nights, fighting the thoughts that stung like needles. If I let them keep stinging, the tears would come – the fucking breakdown would follow.

So I fought it. I shut it down. I fucking locked it up, because Lucille doesn't like it when I fall apart – and why should she? I'm the man. I'm supposed to be her rock. She hates it when I cry. I hate it when I cry.

So I fucking smiled when I walked in the door. I smelled Chinese food. Lucille was already piling mine onto a plate – the sweet n' sour chicken I love. All she ordered was a tub of Wonton soup. I frowned, but said nothing. At least she's eating.

She looked at the bag in my hand, and she too, said nothing. “Dinner's ready. And I rented some Halloween movies.”

We ate and watched Child's Play and Micheal Myers and a leprechaun who makes bad jokes. I didn't mention the costume or the party, but I knew I'd be going alone. I spend the last movie wondering how I'll excuse my wife's absence, and how the fuck I'm gonna endure the pity in their eyes. It fucking pissed me off. That they're putting her in the ground already. That she's putting herself there.

“Honey,” she rubbed my tense arm. “You ok?”

“Yeah, babe. Just...indigestion.”

And damn this woman, she got up to make me a cup of peppermint tea. I sat there numb, wondering what the fuck I'm going to do without her.

----

“By the POWER OF GRAYSCALE, behold my glorious sword! ...and by sword, I mean dick.” I adjusted He-Man's fake-fur loincloth. Played with it, flipped it around. I wore some black boxers under it, but I was still worried about...slippage. I looked so fucking ridiculous.

I slid on the blond bob wig, examining the hot mess in the mirror. “Haha, oh yeah! What a fine motherfucker. Jesus H Christ. I am a glutton for punishment. Ok, babe. I'm decent! Come check me out before I head over there!”

“It's Grayskull, not Grayscale. Get it right, Negan.”

The bedroom door swung open and my mouth dropped. My Lucille stood there, the black wig cascading over her shoulders. Her body, slimmer than ever, hugged by a slinky black dress and purple corset. Glitter dusted her chest and cheeks.

“Goddamn, woman.”

“I couldn't miss out on that Candy Corn booze.”

I smiled, but we both knew she wouldn't be drinking that. She'd be spending the night over the toilet. I had to banish that thought fuckin' quick. She already spends too many nights over the toilet.

“I'll taste test it for you first. Let you know exactly how fucking disgusting it is.”

-

We headed down the block, passing early Trick-or-Treaters. The rain had come after all, but merely presented as a pathetic drizzle. The mist in the air diffused the street lamps into yellow balls of light. I wish I'd brought my coat to drape over Lucille's bare shoulders. Spooky music played from our elderly neighbor's house and he waved at us. Lucille waved back.

Tony's yard had become a graveyard of cardboard tombstones and dry ice. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Lucy shiver.

“Want me to go back and grab a coat?”

“Don't be dumb. We're almost there.”

On the porch, Tony's tween kid sat in a lawn chair with a bowl of candy. No costume, how quaintly rebellious. She looked bored as fuck until we rolled up, and then she snickered openly. Dear fucking God. I hoped my loincloth was in place. My nipples were like fucking pebbles on either side of the plastic harness. I quickly banged on the door.

Tony opened it. “Negan! And Lucille! Very nice, very nice. Love the costume, although I'd never call you a witch. Or anything rhyming with it.”

We did an obligatory laugh. The tween rolled her eyes.

“You look cold, Negan. Better step inside. I got the lager ready to go.” Tony had the same damn smirk as his kid.

“Why did you pick this costume for me again?” I muttered. We passed through the entryway strung with a beaded curtain of bats and spiders. The living room was bathed in red light and Monster Mash blasted from the stereo. Tony's wife always went all-out with this shit. A skeleton sat in the armchair and fake cobwebs were every-fucking-where. I hoped the dry ice didn't affect Lucy's breathing.

Wifey Tanya came over, hugging Lucille and complimenting our costumes. I glanced down, wondering how they saw her. Did they know the shadowed eyes and gaunt cheeks weren't make-up? Did they notice the weight she'd lost?

I still saw beauty. The cut flower, vibrant and blooming –just don't think of the future, the withering-

Freeze that shit in time. I closed my ears to nothing but the soundtrack of screams and creaking doors, back-lit with the wailing of ghosts. Party guest voices blabbered over it all. We melted into the past. It was another party like the parties of years before. Slightly pathetic in that 'thirty-something's hanging out' kind of way. Laughing too loud. Secretly sizing each other up.

At least the lime green jello shots were good.

So yeah, it was just another lame party, and because of that, it wasn't. Because for a while...we were normal. Lucille laughed. I saw her smiling. Within her costume, she wasn't the Sick One. She was the mischievous witch, mingling with devils and cowboys and kitty cats.

Mrs Tillerman from school was there. She drank too much of that nasty Candy Corn atrocity. I caught her checking me out and I felt – for maybe the first time ever – ashamed. Other women looked at me too, making slightly-tipsy comments in my direction. I was glad Lucille was across the room, no doubt bored out of her mind listening to Ms Crouch talk about her fucking kids. And by kids, I mean her cats.

“Mmm, hello, He-Man. Nice sword. Remember that time after school?” Mrs Tillerman, winking and nudging.

“Sorry, He-Man has no fucking recollection of that.”

She'd sucked my dick once. Just once. That was really enough for me. I think I'd only allowed it because I could. Now, I saw what a fucking piece of trash I was. Hopefully, when she sobered up, she would too.

“You don't?” She took another swig from her solo cup and let out a burp. I quickly turned her in the direction of the bathroom. Just in time, because Lucille was drifting my way.

“Motherfuckin' crowd is getting drunk. There's probably going to be barf in the apple-bobbin' water. As if bobbing for apples isn't fucking gross enough.” I had to yell as The Addam's Family theme blasted from the speakers.

“Yeah.” She looked pale under the glitter.

“You had enough?”

I knew she had. We'd done it, we'd made our appearance, we'd given proof of life. I squeezed her hand, then found our host. I was tired, had papers to grade, been a great party...you know the bullshit, Tony.

-

We walked home silently. I wanted to ask how she was feeling. It was a lump in my throat. She'd probably just be annoyed. Say I was worrying too much. Say she was fine.

The warm glow of our porch washed over us. It sparkled the glitter on her cheeks, flushed pink from the cold. I wanted badly to kiss her. Instead, I fumbled in my He-Man boot for the house key.

Kids screamed and laughed on the street, swinging their bags of candy. It was just another Halloween in a long line of them, stretching out into our future. Maybe ten years from now, our kid would join the others.

Tomorrow, I wouldn't think like this. But tonight – fucking dammit, I was going to pretend we had years ahead of us.

I got the door open, got us in, shut it against the chill.

“Fuck. Don't know if that was worth going to. You have fun?”

The orange glow filtered in through the glass panel of our front door. Moonlight through the windows, silvering the interior. Everything was dark, but sharply edged with white. Lucille turned to face me. She discarded her witch's hat, the wig – no...her hair, looking real and soft and luscious, spilling onto her shoulders. She slowly drew one hand up my naked stomach and my skin shivered under the touch.

“He-Man,” she rasped. “I've put you under my spell.”

“Lucille...?”

“It's Lucianna. Maiden of the Night. And I've cast my spell upon you.”

I imagined she'd gotten that crap from those dumb novels she liked to read. The ones with guys who wished they were as hot as me on the cover. “Oh yeah? What spell is that?”

Her hand drifted under my loincloth. I let out a breath. Shit. I hadn't felt her touch me there for weeks.

“The spell of Lust. I'm irresistible to you.”

She didn't need a spell for that.

She rose to her tiptoes, her cold arms against my chest. “...Negan. Make love to me. “

“...but...Lucille...”

It's too strenuous for you. You'll be tired. I'm afraid I'll hurt you -

She didn't look tired. Her eyes were dark and wide, her skin sparkling. The chilled hands sliding under the plastic harness were strong and sure. Her lips hungrily pressed to my chin. “...Don't resist me, He-Man. Give me this night – a Halloween like we used to have.”

I fucking melted like the half-frozen rain under the burning Halloween moon. What could I do?

“By the power of Grayscale, I pull forth my sword, Lucianna!”

“That's Grayskull, He-man!” She laughed as I backed her to the couch, my hands fumbling at her corset. “Ooh, that's such a big sword you have. You sure you can lift that thing up?”

“Witch, I'm gonna impale you so fuckin' deep with my hard steel. You just fuckin' wait.”

“Oh, I'm waiting, but you still have your clothes on.”

Heh. Good thing He-Man was half-fucking-naked already. The witch was helpless to my brute strength as I lifted her and carried her into the bedroom.

-

To be honest, there wasn't anything rough or hard about it. Even on devil's night, I had to maintain some sense of restraint. My hands gently stroked ribs under frail skin, planted kisses onto delicate shoulders and licked along a ridge of collarbone. Lucianna, my withering flower, her beauty stretched across bones.

Her hands, digging hard into my shoulders, her legs, wrapping me like squeezing pythons – well, they felt anything but weak.

After, we lay breathing and nestled together. The light outside came and went, broken up by drifting clouds. Lucille's sharpened features were softened. Her wig was still on and still looked real as fuck – money well spent. Her eyes, half-lidded, were tired, but tired in a good fucking way.

“Not a bad fucking Halloween, huh, Lucy?”

“Pretty damn good fucking Halloween,” she whispered.

She closed her eyes, and I watched her, drowsing there in the dark. Her spell was slowly melting away; her magic could only veil the truth so long.

But for a few hours, reality shifted and wavered on the edge. She was alive, she was here, and we would spend our nights beside each other, just like this.

For just the brief span of our last Halloween night, I could have it. It was my reality.

And the reality was... that reality was fucking great.

[nightcoremoon]

weird opinion but christians aren't religious.

ok so like, jews generally follow god's rules, muslims follow allah's rules, hindus probably follow their gods rules, so on and so forth. and overall they do it out of faith; they do it because they want to honor the deity who loves them rather than because society forces them to.

granted the zionists and the radical extremists and the zealots do exist but as loud minorities and thus are statistical outliers & don't matter.

christians are... a different breed.

"if you aren't x branch and dont obey y rules you'll go to hell so we'll fucking murder you" is pretty much the main driving force behind a significant portion of christianity in history. the catholics, the protestants, the orthodoxy, all are built on a foundation of fear, anger, and hatred. it's shaped the way society developed; in the 4 nations that did the most genocidal imperialist colonialism- England, France, Spain, and Italy- a combination of convenient coastal locations, naval prowess, military tendency, christianity, and ultranationalism lead them down a path of missionaries, holding bibles in one hand and bloodstained knives in the other. the religion is inseparable from the culture and inseparable from the horrible things done in the name of their god, and the resulting cancers of society we feel today from the campaigns of slaughter. xenophobia. capitalism. savage barbarism via sensationalized capitol punishment. misogyny. queerphobia. gender fascism. classism. racism. all of these issues in the "civilized world" stem predominantly from those four nations and the disease ridden pestilent filth some call pilgrims.

here's something interesting:

there are less than 1 million rastafari in the world.

there are less than 5 million shinto in the world.

there are less than 25 million jews in the world.

there are less than 30 million sikhs in the world.

there are roughly 100 million african cultural religious adherents in the world.

there are less than 400 million chinese cultural religious adherents in the world.

there are about 500 million buddhists in the world.

there are about 1.1 billion hindus in the world.

there are about 1.2 billion nonreligious people in the world.

there are 1.6 billion muslims in the world.

and one final statistic

there are over 2.1 billion christians in the world.

the jewish count is a highball, rounded up, and includes several different definitions of jewish including people who are only one quarter. so for every single person who is even remotely jewish, there are more than 8 christians. for every hindu, there are 4 christians. for every atheist, agnostic, or "other", 2 christians. this frightening statistic should set off warning bells for everyone who is involved in a discussion about religion. and anyone who knows BASIC world history and can correlate data at all can probably piece together what I'm putting down.

now, I may be slightly biased here considering my eclectic religious beliefs. now, I personally believe that there is some primary force of energy that may or may not manifest itself as a humanoid being, that engineered the most basic laws of physics in the universe: atomic magnetism. as can be inferred by planck's constant and its implications, our universe is digital, written in binary. an electron either moves or doesn't move. there are no other options. so I genuinely believe in some form of intelligent design; whether it's a bearded guy on a cloud, some dude with six arms and an elephant for a face, just a big swirling pool of ectoplasm, or a big ol' plate of spaghetti and meatballs, something is out there that we are physically incapable of contacting from our plane of existence, just as a drawing on a piece of paper cannot reach out to interact with the world: a gif will move on its own but it will never acknowledge our existence, even if it could think by itself. and all the different mythologies of the world- egyptian, greek, norse, shinto, whatever- very well could be the agents of that unknown "god". perhaps anubis, ra, and bastet are just angels with animal heads that all of the peoples of ancient egypt saw and were like oh I guess this must be a god. maybe zeus and loki were the same person with a magic dick who fucked a bunch of animals in both greece and the scandinavian countries and spawned all of the horrible half-animal monstrosities that, idk, made vishnu think "well I have to kill that" and caused the biblical flood or something. maybe the jewish god gifted wisdom to siddhartha for sitting under a fig tree for 6 years through the angel pomona [roman goddess of fruit, had to google that one], so buddha gets his wisdom from demeter and is in nirvana right now right a step up from hades on yggdrasil the world tree keeping an eye on his charge persephone. any theory could theoretically be true but we ants of humans will never fucking know because we can't just point a telescope at the magellanic clouds and say "look, there's amaterasu with russell's teapot, and she's having tea with... *rubs eyes* lemmy kilmister??? wow I guess gods are real after all!" it's impossible to know the secrets of our universe because of the very restrictive nature of the universe itself. is it a circle? is it a donut? WE DONT FUCKIN KNOW.

we cannot know what religion is truthful.

""anyone who says that any one religion is more or less true than any other is a fucking moron, and if they're suggesting that White Western European Colonial Imperialist Protestantism is the one true faith, they're probably a fucking racist colonizer who beats his wife/sister and burns gays at the stake. and considering how that exact demographic is typically the one that murdered people for not converting to their religion, I don't think they have the intellectual non-deranged ability to make those logical connections.

again, I'm not saying that there AREN'T a lot of people of every religion who are evil assholes who contributed to mass genocide. israelites killed palestinians. shiites killed sunnis. hutus killed tutsis. danes killed geats. turks killed armenians. the ottoman empire has as much blood on its hands as the holy roman empire. germans who called themselves aryans but weren't actually aryan killed jews. but all of these tragedies were isolated incidents rather than repeated patterns over the course of two thousand years. not like christianity was and is.

just look at the United States, Canada, Mexico, Hong Kong, South Africa, Australia, & India's British Raj. Britain, France, Spain, and Italy, by extension Protestantism and Catholicism, are the shared factor between the long and bloody history fraught with massacring indigenous populations who wouldn't convert religions. native americans, indigenous canadians, latin americans but predominantly mexicans, the eastern chinese, coastal africans, aborigine aussies, indians- coastal coastal coastal. true the western chinese and the mongols/hunnu and xinjiang muslims haven't exactly been on civil terms and the silk road has always been a battleground and the middle east was already tenuous before murrica bombed them for oil but those happened in such a spread out area among asia which is FUCKING HUGE, MIND YOU! but also that's three high traffic places with massive diversity, it's human nature to have conflict, but not nearly to the same level as all of the shit christianity has done to the world. it's impossible to separate the religion from the cultures; victorian england without protestantism is just dirty people who die at 15 from having their 3rd child. italy without the catholicism is just grass and cheese. france and spain without religion are just kingdoms that fought wars with england for forever and now just make food that's one part delicious and three parts horrifying. religion is directly responsible for a significant portion of the evils those countries committed. one religion in particular.

they don't practice religion the same way as the rest do. they aren't faithful to their god. they don't follow his rules out of love but out of fear. they execute dissenters without a second thought, heresy they cry. they execute women and little girls for being free thinking or having sickness associated with mercury poisoning in the water, witch they cry. they slaughter men women and kids alike in the name of cramming their beliefs down the natives throats, we're chasing out the snakes they cry, we're bringing god to your godless people they cry, we're just civilizing you they cry. they shit in the streets and proudly display rotting corpses and leave the impoverished disabled and starving to die alone and whip their slaves and rape teenage girls and scrap in the streets while sopping wet with spilled ale over insignificant insults and stab people to death in the night and never even fucking BATHE, and they have the nerve to say the natives were uncivilized. the nerve. because hey. they read a magic book they stole from a culture who stole from another culture who stole from another culture, mistranslating each time from hebrew to greek to italian to english, and they think they're better because their skin is white.

christians never evolved. their mentalities have stayed the same. all thatms advanced has been technology. that's it. they're still the same evil disgusting degenerate bastards they always were. they just have the money they stole to buy stained glass windows, rosary beads, giant tacky metal statues, bigass robes, leather, and printing presses. and as time passed they used the money they continued to steal to buy cars and websites and radio stations and commit felony tax evasion and secretly molest children and line the pockets of the politicians.

all of their holidays are stolen from pagans anyway.

so fuck christmas. fuck easter. fuck lent. fuck the golden calf christian holidays that the tiny minded fragile snowflake conservatives lose their collective shit over because the pandemic response common sense stipulations won't let them buy the shit they can't afford with money they shouldn't have for people they don't even LIKE, all in the name of tradition, tradition! the rituals that worship something so much worse than satan or baphomet or pan or whatever: the dollar. they buy all the new shiny shit they can, at the expense of the chinese kids that the corporate pigs outsource to, buy the pine trees and the coca cola vunderbar and the fake mint corn syrup Js and watch the same shitty cookie cutter white supremacist hallmark fash movies and stuff their kids full of enough sugar to go into a goddamn coma when the african slaves who pick the cocoa beans will never get to know what actually being a kid will ever feel like because they're gonna die from falling into a combine harvester and be eternally forgotten to history and no christian will ever give a shit because they don't fucking care about what they don't see on their safe space news or hear on their safe space radio or read on their safe space social media. they think their worst sin is eating cheeseburgers so instead they'll go eat a mcchicken or chick fil a or an arby's chicken sandwich instead but not at popeyes because "that place is sketchy" and by that they mean they don't wanna eat where black people eat, that's why cracker barrel was so popular for so many white christians for so long because it had racially segregated seating until barely 20 years ago.

they don't love jesus. they love a paper doll they shove into their back pockets until every other sunday where they go to a fucking mall with a baptism waterslide and raise their hands like a bunch of dumbass weirdos and away to adult contemporary indie schlock with the word jesus pasted into a boring-ass hetero romance song, pat themselves on the back, then go to starbucks to scream slurs and misgenderings at 14 year old starbucks baristas who give them a cappamochalattechino instead of a fucking carmamochalattechino because you mumbled under the mask you didn't even fucking cover your nose with because you don't give a shit about the virus beyond how it inconveniences you.

they are horrible people who pretend to be good. until you suggest the slightest infinitely small inconvenience to them that would alter their holiday plans even the littlest smidge. then they would kill you if not for the police. don't get me started on them because you know by now what I'd say about those fuckers. but they'll gladly wear shirts about how they'll kill you. how they'll go back 200 years. how they'll murder you and watch you slowly suffer because their primate brains shoot a million endorphins when they watch things die by their hands because they never evolved a sense of empathy, compassion, or morality beyond how wearing a cross necklace will remove any of the consequences they will face in their afterlife.

they are horrible people who pretend to be good. unless you're gay or black or trans or Not Christian™ or mexican or disagree with them about politics economics sociology science technology music or movies. assimilate or die. assimilate or die. assimilate or die.

they don't deserve special treatment for their false idols.

they aren't better than jews or muslims.

they're worse.

so much worse.

and they should be stopped.""

-Nightingale Quietioca

save as draft arch draft bookmark draft where did I put my keys contra code kontra kode I need to remember this and copy it buzzwords keywords find it later please god tumblr don't bork on me this is good stream of consciousness repackage repackage change the words this is a great character study if I do say so myself thanks 3am me you're welcome 3am me

[vanityloves]

anyways im gonna listen to/read the fuckin...rise of the ogre shit bc ive been putting it off 🪓🥴 im gonna put stuff under the cut bc im gonna be TALKING n dont wanna make a new post everytime

piss

ok he performed for 2 pounds 50. which is basically $3 today i- well it was absolutely a power play on his father behalf that also had the promise of money so.

also lol he said Rejection fueled my ambitions which, yknow,, i already knew but it still hurts and i will continue to talk ab it xoxo

AH HELP. "...if ebay had been invented at the time he would've sold me online there and then,"

"man hands on misery to man, yknow"

THEN PROCEEDS TO CONNECT IT TO MUSIC/HIS CAREER. this man said :) the one thing i truly have a passion for. the one thing i fucking like.

oh yeah. bullied by students AND teachers.

oh god hes 42ish during this interview? ok.

the fuckin school bully saying he wouldve acted differently if he knew what hed become

getting called "faceache", then proceeds to call 2d that. jfc he really does just repeat what everyone says. really "treating others how i was treated/how they treat me"

maybe thats why? hes kinder to fans? bc :] you support me and like me so, ok ill return that energy

MURDOC GETTING HIS ASS BEAT N PARADING HOME LIKE WELL I WON BC 'I PISSED YOU OFF' SJDJD

a real rowdy boy. absolute nasty boy. fraud and arson... shooting ppls windows with his air pistols

black sabbath being a huge inspiration? fucking absolutely.

became a satanist n shit at age 16? "it fitted me like a glove" "heavy metal and devil worshipping became my favorite past times" ajsj funny that ppl in trying times often seek religion or following of some sort

heavy metal being his favorite, n loving the clash, while hannibals was more punk based

hannibal breaking murdocs nose for the 2nd and 3rd time for playing his music on hannibals turntable

he doesnt sound that bitter? ab hannibal? he doesnt sound incredibly fond but he talks ab how he got him into a lot of music. so, i imagine they we're a bit closer than i thought?

international baccalaureate in antisocial? anthropology?

MURDOC IS ACTUALLY SMART HE WAS JUST. NOT INTERESTED IN THE SUBJECTS? I GUESS? (also,,, he literally Built cyborg noodle and i think he had a PhD too lol. but its always nice to hear hes actually...yknow, interested or good at other things)

alright but murdoc having a fascination w/ other cultures - or at least some interests, that lead him to actually study the damn subject and "pass with flying colors"

'fuck college though. im gonna be a rockstar'

he sold his soul at 18ish? whenever the fuck he got kicked out but college was mentioned so my brain goes to 18ish idk

he lived with his father still and paid rent via low paying jobs one including 'part time dressing as santa'

help he was ab to take a Personal Job for quick cash and uhh well, "still made me call him sir though" he really said 20 dollars is 20 dollars, huh "that story was totally true"

alright, 1997,,,

2d stuff

loves zombie stuff? thats really cute, and is freaked out by the way they move. god he rambles

both he and murdoc are horses in the chinese zodiac

[[jfc ok if the official shit compares them a lot i understand why ppl ship them but Dont. its a narrative foil and that doesnt always mean Romance jfc.]]

SUMTHINK.

truly... a lil stinker. super cute bouncing baby and a "bit thick" which is stull so endearing to me. hes just a happy man!

excitable 10 year old and would dance around his room

jfc the fact he has normal/caring parents. i kinda forget how opposite hes supposed to be from murdoc but i think thats another thing jsjsysg (murdoc said why isnt my tragic story making me famous why does he get to be the Star. no wonder he acts like a loon)

i still dont get how gettin bonked by a tree branch made him go bald and also turn his hair blue

big tiddy nurse mommy,,,

went to the same school as The Cure and got decent grades despite hittin the noggin quite hard. WANTED TO BE A STORM CHASER... OMG??

oh thats really cute, hed bond with his dad by building keyboards toegther 🥺💕

messed around with paints and graffiti? artistic king

MURDOC AGAIN: QHDJ 'VILLANOUS' GANG HELP

oh yeah d day...new instruments, new band, new singer - and 'had to be the best or no dice' and absolutely CONFIDENT that his songs were bangers ajsjd

but on that same note, had absolute faith (or desperate) in 2d which i love

ransacked the fucking music shop jdjdj and 2d said he was Just Standing There behind the counter the whole shift hdhdh

"thats when your eye came out, yeah" "yeah!-" HELP WHY DOES HE SOUND SO HAPPY AB IT ?? yes he said ut hurt but he sounds...ok

jfc murdoc ragdolling this poor mf around. dunking him and slapping him around. actually? so incredibly terrible and abusive and i hate him for that 🔫 im sorry 2d stans. we dont condone that behavior here ong.

how and why the FUCK did 2d's parents allow that fucker near their child after that i??? help. wtf. his moms a nurse why didnt she just have murdoc sit in plain view of other people. god damn.

2d flying out the window n hitting the curb "whoops"

"just two black holes...[ah] it looked great...a blue hair, blacked eyed GOD- the girls would go wild-" "pretty boy looks" ???? HELP. HE DOESNT GO LIGHT ON THE COMPLIMENTS, HUH

RUSS TIME

oh yeah, he straight up kiddnapped this man help. idk how he managed that, russ is a Big Man??

AND MURDOCS MUSIC WAS SO FUCKING SEXY GOOD that russel said hm alright ill stay, :] out ifbhis owm free will im screaming.

"oh this is one of them febreeze commercials" "uh . yeah sure. *murdoc turning on his Sick Tunes*" but that either means? it was just his guitar playing the convinced russ? unless he and 2d recorded sumn?

"2d was the looks, murdoc the brains, then russel truly was the heart"

'while 2d and murdoc liked music, this man was a MUSICIAN' god fucking bless this book holy shit ny man russ getting some respect. he said back hurts from carrying this band.

murdoc basically heard this guy had big trauma that gave him So Many Skills n said "thats what i want" ok idk thats actually really? inch rest ting to me. seems that murdocs fine handing out compliments but i guess that where his charisma really helps out yeah?

"he was going to be in my band whether he liked it or not" ...murdoc-

HELP. 2D IS LIKE BRO GO ON IM LISTENING 🥺 despite hearing the story 50-60 times and murdoc said fuck off you lil shit.

ok irrelevant but i love his voice! its super comforting n nice to listen to 🥺

HELP MURDOCS SO BITTER. "NOTHING THAT HAPPENS TO US IS NORMAL" WELL YEAH. THIS IS TRAUMA CENTRAL.

idk how/why he sucked up all his friends souls though ... how are they all possessing the same person. they said "its my turn on The Russ"

DELL IS HIS ACTUAL, LITERAL SOULMATE...KING...😭

went to a private school,,, and was already possessed? and the thing where he gets bigger and smaller is a reoccurring thing?

was in a coma for 4 years?

hiphop machine...time and history...the ultimate set i guess.

his knowledge was infinite and hes a "Renaissance man" hes so fucking smart our king. jack of all trades but a master of drums. he said i know im good and what of it

PAULA.

HELP. HE RMBRS THE STALL: CUBICAL NUMBER 3 🥴 IF I DO RECALL 🤤

yes russel our king. fuck up his nose 5 more times. probably stunted his growth too. he shrunk after russ gave him a wallop im sure

why dies paula sound like tracer overwatch

also only dated 2d for 2 months before joining the band?

HELP SHE REALLY WAS THE FIRST MURDOC FUCKER: "but when i saw murdoc with his thick greasy hair, green teeth and yellow skin i thought 'oh this is the ine for me!'" "OH HES SUCH A DANDY-" HELP ME IM HQJDHD

sick in the head...like i want to hurt people help girl. shes fucking Crazy. but she rly said damn i didnt hear back from him again 😭 and my purse is gone JSHHD

MURDOC: SHE WAS DEPRESSINGLY UGLY *still fucked her*

NOODLE TIME

"small japanese person!"

2d: we werent gorillaz until noodle arrived!

im dying the reason he chose gorillaz. 'swinging through the jungle baring my ass'

noodle really said "im just happy to be here" and she balanced everyone out 😭 "she gave off pure love and the fact that she could laugh at murdoc REALLY helped too" RUSS... IS BABY

JFC MURDOCS SO FUCKING CONFIDENT IN THIS BAND IM LIVING FOR THAT. HE SAID YOU WANT US SO BAD IT MAKES YOU LOOK STUPID. THE CHARISMA

2d rambling ab some girl he met and "ssSs" "whats the s stand for hawhaw" "i dont know!".

THE RECORD LABEL GUY.

one song is all it took i ❤ good for them

just murdoc talking ab the party that they threw for thier deal and saying "you dont know how much of a dick i felt like [when carrying one of those huge checks]" like oh thats whatll make you a dick? alright.

A FOOD FIGHT THAT WENT SO HARD THAT IT KNOCKED 2DS TONSILS OUT? WHAT THE FUCK

ahshdj damon and murdoc not getting along bc of Rival Band One Uppery + damon calling murdocs cuban heels crap since ge wore steel ones with gold spurs.

MURDOC FEELIN EMBARRASSED BC HES 'QUITE PROUD OF HIS SHOES'

but the band and damon getting over music and their ambitions and became a "paternal figure"

HELP MURDOC SAID AWIOGA @ RACHEL WHICH MADE HER THROW HER DRINK IN HIS FACE AND SPLIT FROM 2D. kinda sad actually, she said i still like 2d but murdoc kinda ruined it by trying to get it in with me, it put a strain in our relationship :/ oh god murdocs That Dude

nov 31 1998: started recording :]

40 tracks that got cut down to 15 holy shit

KONG STUDIOS 🤲

hooking up cameras in every room ejdjsu

webby artist of the year in 2006? holy shit

noodle learning ab kong studios omfg

JFC. YES I KNEW KONG WAS BUILT ON/IN A CEMETERY BUT I DIDNT KNOW PPL FOR THE FUCKING PLAGUE WHERE THROWN THERE HDJD

built in 1739?

the ghost of the first owners ghost still roams around in the kitchen in the early hours and moans 'aaa glass of water'

theres some rotting bullshit near the studios and in the summer its fucking TERRIBLE

the former owners were a biker gang, and they all died in a fire

murdoc said this place has bad vibes. i want it.

grim weather

the building feels impossible to escape from huHgg

[due4amiracle]

Day 154

Listo:

Finish getting caught up on manhwa, two chapters of reading, dailies & whatever else get done, RP maybe?

How’d i do?

Reading: i was right - she fucked everything up for the vampire. Eyeroll. Ugh.

Waifu: Dailies done! Lvl 40 bp. 2 rolls achieved today - still no Hu Tao. So far i have rolled Xingqiu twice, Chongyun, Xinyan, and Xiangling. Yay, i guess. Sigh. Whatever, still like 13 days left in the banner! It'll either happen or it won't.

The Villainess Reverses the Hourglass - Oh Asher, goodness gracious~

The Youngest Princess - Cahill i love you so much you PRECIOUS child *weep*

The Twin Siblings’ New Life - THE APOLOGY, THE TEARS, AHHHHHH *sob* So good omg!

Solo Leveling - "Fuuu" is right my dood. Holy shit the dragon. /T H E D R A G O N/ oof. Oh boy. Fuckin' hell. Whew.

We got Chinese food, it was ok, i didn’t enjoy it as much as i’d’ve liked to, but that’s ok. It was lobster rangoon, instead of crab, and the lobster was just...too rich, too intense. And it just...it all didn’t taste right coming out of a plastic box, instead of in a restaurant, ya know? Bleh. ‘S ok though, had a PB sammich on our bread, good good. i’ll survive. 

Had a long talk with Sir about stuff, mostly money and garbage. But i feel a bit better, a bit less anxious and stressed. Still both of those things, but, feeling a bit better. Have plans for the weekend, getting boxes broken down and taken to the dumpster and whatnot. So that’ll be really nice. The dryer comes in on wednesday, get that set up and actually do some fuckin’ laundry - and take a fuckin’ shower. Blessed.

Applied for financial help with utilities, here’s hoping we get help, especially now that we’re going into Spring - let’s be real here, that’s basically Summer - it’s going to start warming up and we’re  gonna be running the AC...and that’s expensive. Oof. Fingers crossed we can get future help too - they can do past and future funding. So, there’s that.

Food: B- - The teriyaki chicken was tasty and the gyoza was good, my sammich was tasty too. Liquid: A?! - One of the things Sir and i talked about was the uti, and how i need to up my liquid even more and drink more cranberry, so, i drank my cranberry serving, have a bottle of water left as of time of writing that i’ll be drinking most of in order to do pills and such, had coffee and energy drink, so i think i did ok?? Pain: B - Headache, hands, joints ache, probable uti, but not terrible. Brain: B - Focus was my main struggle today, that and exhaustion, i was just so damn tired all day fuckin’ long, bleh, a bit of anxiety and stress here and there, but the talk really helped.

Tomorrow: Reading, dailies, RP?

Ever Onwards and Upwards!

[kelleesioverhere]

50 Questions

Tagged by the beautiful @chasingforeverandaday, thank you so much!

what is the color of your hairbrush? okay wow we are off to an embarrassing start I am so unbelievably unobservant I had to actually go into my bathroom and look.... it’s purple and grey. Who knew!

name a food you never eat? CILANTRO get that shit away from me. It taints anything in it’s nearby vicinity

are you typically too warm or too cold? if I’m awake I’m too cold. If I’m asleep I’m too hot

what were you doing 45 minutes ago? working like the great lil employee that I am

what's your favorite candy bar? Frozen Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup? If that doesn’t count then Wunderbar

have you ever been to a professional sports game? yes, I have been to two Canucks games and two Vancouver Canadians (baseball) games. I’ve never seen the team I’m cheering for win, I have determined I am a bad luck charm 

what is the last thing you said out loud? Um. “IQLAS78A128″. loool I am home alone.

what is your favourite ice cream? Mint Chip Hagen Dazs

what was the last thing you had to drink? a cup of tea

do you like your wallet? yes I do, it was a gift and it’s v classy

what is the last thing you ate? half a piece of cheesecake last night lol

did you buy any new clothes last weekend? I cannot for the life of me tell you the last time I bought new clothes so absolutely not

what's the last sporting event you watched? The last sporting event that was on at our house? Thursday night football. did I pay attention, absolutely not. Can’t even tell you who was playing. Last one I watched and paid attention to... Canucks vs Vegas game 7

what is your favorite flavor of popcorn? Smartfood cheddar popcorn hands down 10/10

who is the last person you sent a text message to? my fiancees cousin, we are trying to put together something great for my mans 30th bday and we are both terrible at shit like this

ever go camping? I love camping I will go anytime any place it is my fuckin fave

do you take vitamins? lol no

do you regularly attend a place of worship? my dad told me “nothing starts more wars than religion” so given that upbringing, no, I do not

do you have a tan? yes I do, an extremely uneven one because I lay on my back all summer and really resisted rolling over

do you prefer chinese or pizza? oh god don’t do this to me............ I think I’d have to say chinese, just because I like a wider variety of chinese options

do you drink your soda through a straw? well I used to before we all found out about the turtles (now I don’t but I won’t lie, it tastes better through a straw, it just hit different)

what color socks do you usually wear? white. I only own white socks. This is one of my great #lifehacks because my socks always match, and pairing them up is easy breezy lemon squeezy, I really think I’m onto something here

do you ever drive above the speed limit? the key is to always go 1-3km below the ‘excessive speed’ impound limit

what terrifies you? so many things, I am such a wimp. Heights, dark water, spiders, feeling trapped, public speaking, I could go on

look to your left, what do you see? my door to my hallway. Not the most exciting not gonna lie

what chore do you hate most? VACUUMING. I refuse to live in a house with carpet because you know what my ass is NEVER going to vacuum, I already know this to be true so why fight it

what do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? Jim Jeffries saying ‘cunt’, is that bad?

what's your favorite soda pop? coca cola with ice in a glass through a straw goddammnnnnnnn

do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? oh my god drive through

what's your favorite number? All numbers are equal to me, I don’t care. How about 5 today

who’s the last person you talked to? My fiancee when he left for work this AM

favorite cut of beef? okay yikes confession idk anything about beef cuts, I try to not buy beef at the store because there are so many options I get overwhelmed and confused. You could give me any cut and say it’s the prime best one and I’d believe you (but I like when my parents make roast beef for me. Is that a cut? Does that count? Do you see the problem???)

last song you listened to? "Classic Cars” - Bright Eyes

last book you read? To completion? “All the light we cannot see” which I really enjoyed

favorite day of the week? Friday! TODAY!

can you say the alphabet backwards? omg yes not to brag but I’m really good at this, I practice all the time because I have a random fear I’ll get pulled over by police and accused of drunk driving when I’m not, and in order to prove to them I am sober I plan to recite the alphabet backwards, I’ve been training for this moment for years

how do you like your coffee? Hmmm I really prefer tea but if I’m going to have coffee I want it in something that’s basically a desert like a PSL or a peppermint mocha

favorite pair of shoes? white adidas w the black stripes you know the ones

time you normally get up? 7 or 8 am

what do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? sunsets!!

how many blankets on your bed? one (even that’s too much, I am always so hot when I’m sleeping)

describe your kitchen plates? they are white with a marble design they are pretty cute 

describe your kitchen at the moment? it is clean since I work from home now and have time to tidy! It’s very white. It’s very tidy. I am calm. All is well

do you have a favorite alcoholic drink? moscow mule pls

do you play cards? only if forced because I am the sorest loser ever but I’m also bad at cards, so, you see the dilemma

what color is your car? black

can you change a tire? hahahahahahahahahahahaha absolutely not

your favorite state? Okay I feel like this is an #unpopularopinion but... FLORIDA there I said it

favorite job you've had? my current job because it involves cheerleading ;)

tagging: @yanak324 @lightninginabottle0613 @livhatesolives @jjofalltrades @speechphi @anniephl

[imalwaysaslutfordrag]

57 with j trio 👀👀👀

Hi, my darling. I hope this was what you wanted! If not, feel free to shoot me in the head or send in another prompt. Luv u <3

Heart eyes when the other talks, sings, dances, argues, does literally anything especially things which others make fun of them for or find annoying.

It was day who the hell even knew anymore of quarantine when Jan called for a family meeting in the living room.

Jaida sat with her feet propped up on the coffee table, practically reclined on the couch with her arm around Jackie, who sat beside her with a fuzzy blanket wrapped around her body, and her favorite fuzzy socks on. 

Jan smiled at her girlfriends. They looked adorable. They always did, but today especially.

Jan went to open her mouth to speak but she was cut off by Jaida. 

“Listen, if you're pissed about the hair in the shower, I just wanna say...”Jaida paused, “it’s Jackie’s so you should be mad at her.” 

“Hey!” Jackie cried, trying and failing to turn in her blanket cocoon to glare at Jaida.

“That’s not what I was going to say, but thanks for bringing it up,” Jan smiled politely and went to speak but was again cut off, this time by Jackie.

“If this is about the ants in the kitchen, I sprayed the whole thing this morning and wiped down the counters and also I meant to tell you guys not to go near the corner of the front door because I left a puddle of the ant spray there because I think that’s where they’re coming from.”

“So that’s what that was.” Jaida wondered aloud. “I thought you just spilled somethin again.”

Jan shook her head. “That wasn’t what I was going to say either. I wanted to-”

Jackie cut her off again. “If it’s about the possum in the vent I was-”

“Guys! I just missed you!” Jan exclaimed. 

“Wait, what possum?” Jaida asked.

“Aww, Janny,” Jackie cooed. 

“I missed you, and so...” Jan attempted to build up some dramatic tension, but Jaida cut in. 

“Hold up, I know that tone. What you tryin to make us do?”

Jan sighed. “I just thought it would be nice to play a few board games. Maybe do a puzzle or something together.” Jackie and Jaida didn’t look convinced. “After all,” Jan pouted, “I haven’t seen you guys together for like a week.”

Jackie rolled her eyes, but conceded, standing up with the blanket still wrapped firmly around her person. “Fine, we can do a puzzle or two.”

“We can do one puzzle,” Jaida emphasized. “Then I gotta get back to work.”

“Oh, c’mon J,” Jackie squeezed her hand. “We can do a board game too.”

Jaida shook her head firmly, “One puzzle.”

They did do one puzzle. 

And then one more puzzle. And then a board game. And a round of cards. Then they ordered Chinese food. And played one more board game as they ate. Then they all piled on the couch together and Jaida lamented about not getting any work done. 

“You didn’t really want to do anything today, don’t lie,” Jackie said, face pressed to Jaida’s chest.

Jaida had both girls under her arms, pressed close to each of her respective sides. 

“I’m not lying! I need to do stuff but you two are fuckin’ crazy” Jaida insisted.

But Jan noticed a fond smile in place on her lips when she thought they weren’t looking.

“You act like you didn’t enjoy spending the day with the hottest girls in New York City,” Jan joked.

Jaida faked getting excited and sitting up a bit, jostling her girlfriends. “When do they get here?”

Jan and Jackie both swatted at Jaida playfully until she threw her hands up in surrender. 

“I’m kidding! I’m kidding!” She chuckled. “You know I love you both,” Jaida said, much quieter this time. 

Jan swore her smile could have lit up the sky. 

Jaida was slow to warm up as a person. When Jan had approached her with the idea to bring Jackie into their relationship she had been hesitant. Jaida loved Jan. That in and of itself that had been a long process. Getting Jaida to open up to her had taken a while. Jaida had walls up. 

She was lucky that Jan had always loved climbing. 

Jaida also loved Jackie. 

Jackie had always been there. Lingering just out of reach of the two of them and their relationship. Until one day, she showed up on their doorstep... and just never left. 

It took a while to adjust. They had to order a bigger bed for a start. The routines that Jadia and Jan had built needed to change.

It had taken a lot of communication and time. 

It still did. 

Jackie learned to climb the walls as well as Jan, and sometimes she was even faster on the uptake. 

But at the end of the day, they had each other. And while it had taken a lot of work, and always would, Jan wouldn’t have it any other way.

“We love you too, baby,” Jan said softly, pressing a quick kiss to Jaida’s cheek.

“Mhmm,” Jackie hummed, tracing a heart over Jaida’s stomach.

The three of them sat in silence for an immeasurable amount of time, just basking in each other’s presence. Jackie traced patterns on Jaida’s shirt while Jan peppered kisses along any skin she could reach without moving her head too much.

It was peaceful.

Until Jaida broke the spell, “No, but seriously what’s up with the possum?” 

[zanesgirlfriend]

Banana Bread | Jeff Wittek

Requested by anonymous: another jeff imagine but where people have been stalking their address and they break in OR jeff has another prison scare and tries to keep it from the reader because he doesnt want her to be involved x

I chose to do the first one!! i also went fuckin ham on it and made it hella angsty and crazy so I hope u dont mind

TW: stalking, kidnapping, shit like that

_____

It started with y/n looking over her shoulder. Little ruffles in the leaves, flashes in the windows at night. She felt like someone was watching her.

"Y/n, nobody's outside." Jeff reassured her as she peered out the window. "And if they ever tried to hurt you I'd kick their ass." He smiled before dragging her back down into bed with him. She snuggled into him, feeling the comforting sense of security as his strong arms wrapped around her.

It was eating away at her. She'd never had these feelings before, and she just knew that something was wrong. The thoughts spiralled around in her mind. What did they want? Her or Jeff?

"What if they're following you, not me?" She asked him, crunching on some toast and spinning lightly on her stool. He looked at her, slightly annoyed with the subject.

"Nobody's fuckin' stalkin' us." His tone was loud, but not aggressive. She stopped spinning the stool and glared at him.

"Okay, but what about the flashes in the window?" She asked, as if he could dispute it. They both saw them.

"Lightning." He sat down next to her and started to eat.

"Lightning, every night for a week, and only in one window?" She raised her eyebrows. "You're just in denial." She huffed and took another bite of toast.

"What do you mean, 'denial.' Denial about what?" The piece of bacon between his fingers waved around the air as his hands moved. Y/n took a sip of orange juice before answering his question.

"You always focus on the positive side of life. Like, the optimistic side." She started. "You're in denial that something could go wrong. That something bad could be happening."

The reality and seriousness of the situation finally started to hit Jeff. "Well, we can't really do anythin' about it, can we?" He rubbed her back as they both thought about what they could do.

"I guess we just wait it out." And wait it out, they did.

She wasn't supposed to be home that day. Nobody was. Her and Jeff's apartment was normally always full of people, in and out, all day long. Whether to shoot a video, walk Nerf or just hang out. Today was His one chance. Everyone was supposed to be either at work, on a hike, or with friends. Even Nerf was gone. But y/n missed her alarm, and her manager told her just to stay home.

She was asleep on Jeff's side of the bed, head under his pillow, buried in blankets, being comforted by his scent even in his absence. That's why He didn't see her. It was the creak in the balcony door that woke her up.

Her heart was racing. Jeff wouldn't be home until after dark, so she knew something was up. She turned her phone on silent and hid under the blankets while she called Jeff.

Jeff didn't pick up.

She heard Him enter the room so she tried to stay as still as possible. He went about his business. Taking pictures of everything and making his way into the bathroom. She heard plastic bags being opened, not knowing He was filling them with her and her boyfriend's hair. This was her only chance to escape. She crawled out of her bed, avoiding the floorboards that she knew would squeak.

She made it out of the room and looked around, attempting to find a quiet exit. There was no way she could jump from the balcony, and the front door would be too loud. She was too focused on escaping to hear Him appear behind her.

She screamed. Adrenaline and heavy breathing only allowing the chloroform to take effect more quickly.

She woke up on concrete. As she looked at the cell she was locked in, she attempted to remember everything she's seen on TV or in movies that could possible help her. There was nothing to break the lock, nothing to hit the man with, and no openings big enough for her to fit through.

"You finally woke up!" He smiled at her as he walked up to the bars, his unusually perfect teeth seemed unsettling.

"Who are you?" She croaked. She noticed her phone plugged in and sitting on a table near Him.

"I'm Jeff." The way He said Jeff's name made her angry. This prompted her to actually look over the man. He was wearing a wife-beater and Adidas track pants. His hair was slicked back, it looked like it had been recently dyed.

The more she looked at Him, the more she saw what was going on. He even had Jeff's tattoo crudely drawn in the same spot as Jeff. "No you're not. What's your real name?" She knew she shouldn't be aggressive, not knowing what He was capable of, but she couldn't help herself.

"Tomorrow morning, it will be Jeff." He remembered the legal name change he had the next day and got excited.

"Why did you take me?" She decided to calm down and change the subject, any information she could get from Him would be helpful. He smiled again, but this time his hand twitched, as if something was wrong.

"Well I wasn't supposed to take you yet," His words sent a chill down her spine. "But there was a change of plans." He sat down next to her phone, somehow knowing the password to unlock it. If she could just talk to Jeff for a moment, things would be okay.

"You didn't answer my question." She said more forcefully now. She watched him pull a small box from his pocket, placing it on the table and taking a joint from it.

"Do you want a hit?" He said as he flicked his lighter, remembering the nights he watched y/n and Jeff get high together. He wanted that.

"No, thanks." She tried to be polite, realizing the best way to deal with Him would be to cooperate and be nice. He took a hit before finally answering her question.

"Jeff had you, so I had to have you."

The only light in the room came from a small window near the top of the wall. He disappeared and she watched the sun set, thinking about all the things she needed to do to survive. It was dark when he returned.

"Get against the wall." He pointed at her, the outline of a gun in his waistband forcing her to comply. She stood against the cold concrete as he unlocked her cage. She barely noticed the rather large box he was carrying.

He placed the box on the floor and the smell of Chinese food wafted towards her. It was then that she realized how hungry she was. "I got your favorite." He said as he exited and locked her cage again.

"Thank you." She said as she went to open the box. She was very picky, and couldn't tell if she was creeped out or relieved that he knew her usual order. Inside the box was the food, a bottle of water, two blankets, a pillow, and a small toilet. One that would usually be used to potty train a toddler.

"Once we trust each other, you'll be sleeping with me." He sat down at the table with her phone on it. Opening up his own Chinese food. It looked like Jeff's usual order.

"How long have you been watching us?" She asked as she unwrapped her plastic fork, wondering if she could somehow stab him with it.

"Long enough." He said before shoveling food into his mouth. The more he talked, the more y/n noticed that he was attempting to imitate Jeff's accent.

"Okay." She said as she took a bite. The food was delicious, but she felt very unsettled, and suddenly not hungry.

"After dinner you're gonna call Jeff." The man stated as if it was nothing. Her eyes lit up. This would be her opportunity to get help.

Dinner went by slowly. She was finished far before he was, and she couldn't help but think he was eating slowly on purpose. Dragging her out longer and longer so she'll comply with his wishes easier.

"There's no service down here, so we'll have to go upstairs." The man walked over to her, unlocking the cage as she scooped up her trash. "Pull any bullshit and you'll never talk to anybody again." He grabbed her wrist tightly, before dragging her up the stairs.

It looked like something out of a movie. The stairs led straight into his bedroom closet, and into his bedroom. His bedroom was crazy. She felt her chest tighten as she saw it all.

Pictures of her and Jeff adorned the walls. Screenshots from Instagram, YouTube videos, and the pictures He took through their bedroom window. Varying degrees of nudity, times of them eating, cuddling, and even having sex. Bags of their hair. Lost articles of clothing. The bracelet Jeff gave her for her birthday, the one she cried for a week over when she lost.

Y/n tried her hardest not to cry. She had to sound okay for Jeff. "Tell him you had to visit your mother. She fell in the shower. Any mention of me and he's gonna hear me blow your brains out." His hand gripped the gun on his waist as unlocked her phone. He pulled up Jeff's contact, hit call, and put it on speakerphone.

"Hey beautiful, where are you?" The sound of his voice brought her to tears, but she held it together.

"My mom fell in the shower and had to go to the hospital, I just got off the plane, sorry I didn't tell you sooner." She'd never lied to him before, but she knew she had to.

"Okay, well call me and tell me what's up when you get to her. I miss you." His words had a new meaning.

"Don't forget to pick up more food for Nerf, and the banana bread in the fridge needs to get eaten before I come back." She told him. His heart dropped.

"We need a code word." Y/n said to him after waking up in the middle of the night.

"For what?" He asked groggily, sitting up and looking at her.

"In case something goes wrong. Like, if one of us is in danger, and we can't just say what's going on over the phone."

"That's smart. What should the word be?"

"Banana Bread."

"I love you." Jeff told her. She could hear the strain in his voice. He understood her. "So so so so so so so much. I really fuckin' love you."

"I really fuckin' love you too, I'll talk to you soon, bye." Tears fell from her eyes, all the emotions from the day's events came pouring out. Getting stronger as she looked around at all the creepy shit in this man's room.

Jeff immediately called the police. Y/n's location was turned off, and he had no idea what had happened to her. There was a whole team dedicated to her case. Jeff basically lived at the police station, trying to get any information on where she could be. They dusted the apartment, attempting and failing to find any information on the man who broke in.

Two weeks passed. Y/n and the man had developed a trust, but she was still stuck in her cage. She lost weight rapidly, going through periods where she was too in her head to eat. "When can I talk to him again?" She asked as soon as the man walked down the stairs.

"Tonight." He mumbled as he unlocked the cage. She backed against the wall as he refreshed her supplies. She noticed his shoulder. It now had an exact copy of Jeff's tattoo. It was fresh too, as if he'd just been at the tattoo parlor. It was crazy that he looked so much like Jeff, but so different at the same time.

He was missing all the little things. The way Jeff waved his hands around as he spoke, the way his accent got thicker when he was excited. The way they would wink back and forth at each other until they were both just rapidly blinking, and then bursting out into laughter.

She really missed Jeff. The real Jeff. And the night never seemed to come fast enough. She was crawling in her skin by the time He came to get her.

Jeff woke up to the sound of his ringtone. "She's calling!" He stood up abruptly and ran to the table with the investigation team.

"Pick it up." They said, doing something on the computers he didn't quite understand.

"Hey beautiful, how's your mom?" It was code for 'are you okay?'

Y/n smiled to herself, the sound of his voice made her feel happy and secure. "She's doing okay, some days are worse than others. I hope she'll be released from the hospital soon." Her words were careful and slow, giving the police enough time to find a location on the call.

"She'll probably be released sooner than you think, don't worry."

"Being with her makes me miss my dad. You two are very similar." She hoped desperately that he got the hint.

"We got it." A detective said as she pulled up a map. The call pinged off of two local towers, giving them a five mile radius of where to search. Y/n was forced off of the phone and Jeff looked at the map.

"Hey that's my apartment building." He pointed to the center of the circle area. Things were starting to come together.

"What did she mean by 'my dad reminds me of you?'" Jeff didn't understand that part of her code.

"Maybe she was talking about the man who kidnapped her. Wasn't he stalking you before she was taken? Maybe he wanted to be you." A cop shrugged her shoulders, not knowing how accurate her theory was.

It wasn't long before the figured out who the suspect was. "Jeff Wittacre. Formerly known as James Wittacre. He got his name changed. . . right after y/n was kidnapped." He lived on the ground floor of Jeff's apartment building, and they ran into each other quite a bit. They said 'hey' in the hallway, or in the mailroom, they even took their trash out at the same time. It was slightly weird how often they ran into each other, but now Jeff knew why.

"I'm fuckin' moving out tomorrow." Jeff told one of the cops as they raced over to his home. Once inside the building, they refused to let Jeff go any farther.

"You have to stay out here." The head of the team asserted. Jeff puffed up.

"No, I'm going in." He demanded. They had to hold him back as they burst through the door.

James acted as calm as possible. "I don't know what you're talking about." He would shrug as they asked where he kept her. They destroyed his apartment, throwing things, banging on walls, breaking anything they thought he could keep her in.

She was asleep when the broke in. The banging woke her up. Screaming might be the wrong move if nobody's actually there to rescue her.

Jeff broke out of the arms of the officers, strangling his copycat until he decided to answer. "Where the fuck is she you sick fuck?!" He slammed the man against the wall as the other officers found the man's bedroom.

"We found something!" Someone screamed as they noticed all the photographs of Jeff and y/n. Jeff immediately let go of the man and ran to where they were. Officers held James back, taking his gun from him.

"Y/n!" He screamed, thinking they found her.

"Jeff?!" She screamed back. She knew that was his voice. Everyone was immediately quiet. "Jeff!" She screamed more urgently. She picked up her small toilet and banged it against the wall, not caring what spilled out of it. Any noise she could make was helpful.

"Where are you?" An officer shouted, not seeing anywhere in the bedroom to hide her.

"Through the closet!" She screamed as loud as she could. The officer stormed the closet and James broke out of another officer's grip. He charged at the officer, pushing him down the stairs.

Y/n screamed in horror as she watched an officer tumble down the concrete stairs. His ankle snapped and he cried out in pain.

Upstairs, Jeff charged at James, launching both of them down the stairs. All the other officers followed them down.

"Jeff!" Y/n screamed as she saw his floppy hair. He kicked James in the stomach before running over to her, not caring how much pain he was in himself.

"Y/n!" He banged on the cage, trying anything to get it open. Both of them were in tears as officers arrested the fucked up man.

Y/n reached through the bars and grabbed Jeff's hand. She saw the tiredness in his eyes and the stress on his face. "You're okay." He told her, kissing her hand.

"I'm okay." She repeated, pressing her face into the bars to kiss him.

They broke the cage down. She was covered in piss, and hadn't showered in two weeks, but neither of them cared. Jeff wrapped his arms around her and cried like he'd never cried before.

"You're never leaving my arms again." He told her as he kissed her forehead over and over.

"Okay." She muttered into his chest before looking around. She was shaking, but Jeff helped her up the stairs.

"Where are we?" She got a familiar feeling as they exited James' apartment.

"The first floor of our building." He told her as he led her outside. She cried even harder as Jeff walked her toward the ambulance.

"You mean, I was right here the whole time?" She realized. Jeff nodded. "We're moving." She said matter-of-factly.

"I'm already ahead of you there." He smiled and held her shoulders as he looked her over. "I love you."

"I love you too." She smiled, kissing him once again.

"I'm so proud of you." He showered her with compliments. She smiled, feeling like she could finally make a joke again.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm craving some banana bread though." She smiled and let out her first laugh in weeks.

"I'll make it from scratch." He smiled before hugging her once more.

[the-writer-ofthe-fandoms]

Spectacularly (Barry Berkman)

Pairing: Barry Berkman x NB!Reader Words: 1.1k+ Warning(s): some mild violence, harsh insults A/N: I wrote this as a little vent piece, my half brother is being an ASS so i wanted to vent uwu i hope yall like it and dont mind

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You gripped your cellphone tightly as the other end hung up. Your brother had called asking for money once again, and it was the same sob story of "losing his job and really struggling with rent" when really it was him gambling or drinking most, if not all, of his money away. You finally put your foot down, you've given him money in the past and enough was enough. He yelled nasty things, things that boiled your blood, and threats before hanging up the phone.

You grab your bag and head out to your acting class. You needed the classto help with the shit your brother started today, and you need to talk to someone you are extremely close to: Barry. You know of his past, one PTSD outburst led to that discovery. You weren't fully sure how to feel about him being a former hit man but you believe he was trying to get out of that life. With that exchange, he knew of your rough history with your family and the issues that led you to L.A.. Barry was the person you trusted the most and right now you needed him.

----

You plopped right next to Barry with a loud sigh, letting your head rest on Barrys shoulder.

"Bad morning?" He asked.

"My brother called asking for money again." You groaned. "I finally told him no and he flipped his shit. It brought back bad memories just listening to him scream at me and blaming me. Does that make me a bad sibling for not helping him?" You lift your head from his comfortable shoulder when you asked your question.

"Oh god no, (Y/N)." He shifted in his seat to properly face you. "You've given enough to that man and all he does is think about himself. He hasn't changed so it's completely reasonable to cut him off. Someone important I know told me something similar to help deal with Fuches." The cornors of Barrys mouth lifted into a small smile, a contagious smile that influenced your own smile. "How about we get take out and uh... Uh and hang out at your place?"

"Yeah, that would be fun Barry."

"Okay people! Places!" Gene waltzed on stage, and everyone got busy for rehearsal.

---- You and Barry got out of his car, containers of Chinese food in hand. You were both smiling and laughing as you approached your house, but you suddenly stopped in your tracts.

"Whats wrong?" You heard Barry as he stopped with you.

"My lights are on... I know I turned them off before I left."

"Stay behind me." His voice and facial expression changed to something you never seen with Barry. You complied, staying behind him as he walked to your front door. You both take notice of the door slightly open, which made your heartbeat increase. Barry placed his hand flushed against the door as he slowly pushed it open; he slowly leaned in to take a quick glance. He took slow, quiet steps into your home and you tried your best to follow his way of walking.

In your living room, your brother stood hunched over your couch, its cushions strewn about. You noticed other items like your lamp or plants were either misplaced or tipped over, and you were sure other areas in your house looked the same.

You were hesitant, but you addressed your brother regardless as you set the food on a near by table. "What the hell are you doing here, Mark?"

"O-oh hey, (Y/N)!" He smiled, though his tone and body language pointed to him being nervous or scared. "I know you said no to me, but I really need the money-"

"No. I told you no earlier and that is final. Get out of my house now or I will call the cops."

"Come on, (Y/N). That's no way to treat your own blood is it?" His demeanor changed like a switch, just like he has done before in the past. "Just give me the damn money."

"Hey, they asked you to leave, so leave." Barry spoke up, his face stern as he glared down your brother.

"Who the hell are you? Why don't you shut the fuck up and stay the fuck out of our business." He snarled. "You're just their quick fuck aren't you? Is that where all your money is coming from, (Y/N)? Huh? You selling your body for cash. How filthy." Your brother sneered in your direction.

Before you knew it, Barry had stormed up to him. He gripped the collar of Marks shirt and had him hovering slightly over the ground. Barrys eyed were wide, his brows scrunched with anger and his nostril flaired as his mouth was a deep frown.

"Barry!" You exclaimed. You see his fist shaking as he kept his grip on your brother.

"Don't fucking talk about them like that you hear me?" Barry snarled with such an intensity it made you scared. He then released your brother with a slight shove, "Now leave, or else."

"You're a fuckin' freak." Your brother stumbled back from the shove. "A perfect match for that crazy bitch." He spat and made sure to shoulder check Barry on his way out. Your brother slammed your front door with tremendous force, and you scurried your way to the window to watch and make sure he got in his car and drove off.

"God, I am so sorry for that Barry." You sigh painfully as you turn to face him.

"Hey hey hey don't worry about it (Y/N)." He rushed over you and enveloped you in a somewhat awkward but much appreciated hug. He pulled away, but kept his warm hands placed on your shoulders, staring directly at your eyes.

You weren't sure what came over Barry, and you definitely weren't sure what came over you. You both were slowly inching your faces close together before your lips met in a soft kiss. It was sweet, and not something you fully expected from the awkward but amiable Barry Berkman. You both move apart slowly, taking in what just happened.

"Shit, I'm sorry (Y/N). I know its an emotional time-" Barry started but you cut him off with another short kiss.

"It's fine. I liked it, and I like you Barry." Your fingers grip his jacket and you avoid eye contact, heat flushes to your face from slight embarrassment.

"Well I also like it and I like you too." Barry said as serious as he could, but ultimately let out a chuckle. "This feels like highschool."

"Yea it does." You chuckle as well. "As much as I love this moment, I think our food is getting cold."

"Oh shit you're right!" Barry scurried over to the food, while you smiled. Although the night started off rough, and a little scary... It ended spectacularly.