#><strong>Elephant</strong></span></a>

[the-radience-of-the-moon]

Weeping willow (a creepypasta)

Willow had always been different from the other kids, for aslong as she could remember. Some would say its due to her autism, others say it was her home life, but if you could ask anyone who got close to her and survived, they would say the same thing.

Her weird fascinations, the things she would do when no one was around. Wether it was glueing pieces of animals together, or swapping the skins of bugs, it all fell under the same fascination. However, she mostly got along as a normal kid.

Yes she got teased for being different, but most of the time she didnt mind, especially since her older brother could protect her. He was 3 years older, and if anything happened to willow he would make sure it wouldnt happen again.

That was until willow turned about 10, and everything changed. She was just about to enter middle school, when on the last day of summer break her brother and dad went on a fishing trip together, like they would always do in the summer breaks. But this time, they didnt come back. Weeks of searching for them every day at sea turned into just going to the ocean around 3 days a week to just giving up on them, accepting it and moving on.

Well, most people moved on, but not willow. Due to willow’s already messed up brain, she soon fell into a depressive episode, spending her days weeping in her room, barely eating, and shouting at her mom if her mom even tried to bring up her brother.

She stopped going to school for about 3 months, just falling into a rabbit hole of depression, wich eventually landed her in her bathtub with a razor blade deep into her wrist, then in the hospital. She didnt fully remember that time, especially since she was fairly young, but she remembered her mom. Her panicked reaction, the amount of tissues she had already used up while sitting at willow’s bedside in the hospital, the worried look she got when she was told that willow had to go to a psychiatric hospital, and being told how much it would all cost.

It just made willow feel worse, like a burden, like the idiot she was. After around a few days in the hospital she was dragged off to the psychiatric hospital, not even resisting, since maybe fighting them would cost her mom more. The 2 awful months she had spent in the mental hospital might just be the third worse thing she had ever experienced.

Most time was spent by her weeping, screaming or clawing at the walls, but there were occasions where she would be drugged so numb she could barely stay conscious. While in the hospital she eventually got prescribed a hand full of strong medication, and after the two months they had her fully calmed down, yes she was mostly unresponsive, but thats not what they really cared about at the end.

She was diagnosed with manic depression, formerly known as bipolar disorder, anorexia and psychosis. When she finally got out around the new year she wasnt dependable enough to go to school, wich caused her to stay home until the next school year. She hardly remembered this period, it was just a constant loop of waking up, taking pills to numb every part of her, going to the doctor for check ups, her mom trying to cheer her up, her mom failing at it, and eventually taking enough sleeping pills to make an elephant to sleep, just to get a good night of sleep.

When she was finally stable enough to go to school, it felt like torture. The loudness of the other kids, the bullying, the memories of her brother, having to focus in class- it was all a little much. She became the all known quiet kid, not having the energy to talk at school, and barely talking when she got home.

She spent her days crafting in her room, glueing living bugs together, stuff like that. Spending all that time locked in her room made her mom very lonely, and accepting her grief her mom set off to go into the dating scene again, and when willow was around 13 her mom got a new boyfriend, and in the span of no time they were engaged. He was an alright guy, he seemed very arrogant and was a little rude to willow, but she was fine with it, if it made her mom happy.

But when the guy moved in, and started drinking again, it wasnt much fun anymore. Yes he was financially supporting them, but her mom wasnt happy with a constant drunk and verbally abusive fiance, and neither was willow. So her mom started working again, making long hours and saving up money, trying to gather up money to get her and willow out of the household.

It took a while, nearly 4 years, but right after willow’s 17th birthday, they had the money. The whole time before that was a blur, but for what had happened and what was going on in her brain, she was doing good in school. She was starting her last year, just getting by, but that was enough for her.

When trying to gather all their stuff to leave, her- well- stepdad, had noticed what they were doing, and decided that for the first time of living with them he wanted to be nice, begging them to stay. Saying he was going to kill himself if they went, saying they didnt have enough to support themselves, and eventually even turning to his trusty beer bottles, throwing the bottles at willow and her mother while they ran to the car with all the stuff they could carry.

However, they made it out. They got away from him, and thats all that mattered. willow’s mom had already found an apartment, fully furnished with old dusty furniture from the 90’s, but that didnt matter. They had a decently safe home, and they had eachother.

They lived in a decently small town, her mom working at fabric store, and willow herself going to a small high school not far from the town. Senior year, and boy was it awful. Since she was ‘the quiet kid’ she got bullied- no- worse, terrorised. She would get mocked, punched, laughed at and generally bullied for everything she did, especially since she wore the same green zip up hoodie for weeks upon weeks, bloody stained sleeves being visible, and giving everyone the clear indication that she was cutting herself, which she was.

The worst bullying was ofcoarse from the three meanest and most populair girls in the school, and their dragged-along-boyfriends. The main girl, becky, and her boyfriend zack were the worst. It was like they just hated willow with their whole guts, wich got zack and the other guys to the great idea to pull a prank.

Zack was going to try and seduce willow, to get into her house and film- well- we all know what. And the plan went smoothly. Zack got ‘nicer’, and acted meaner to his own girlfriend, just to get willow to like him back. And boy did she. Willow saw affection and mindlessly grabbed it, falling right into his trap, and invited him over for some ‘winter cuddling’.

Well cuddling turned into touching, and eventually their bodies were exposed, but willow didnt feel good. She felt sick to her stomach, trying to get out from the now on top of her zack, but he was keeping her pinned down, grabbing his flip phone from his jeans pocket, turning on the record button.

This whole part was fuzzy to willow- or maybe its just her brain trying to block it out. All she remembers is eventually being om top of zack, wich a pair of her scissors stuck into his shoulder, a giant cut over his cheek, exposing his bloodied teeth. She remembered him screaming, throwing her to the side, grabbing his stuff and he was gone.

There was a soft train of blood over the floor, and willow held her clothes to her chest, sobbing on the floor, holding the bloodied scissors in her hand. Cleaning everything was a blur, the whole week was a blur. Zack wasnt at school due to his injuries, but the three mean girls knew excactly what happened. Eventually exam time rolled around, and willow passed.

Wait she passed? She didnt even remember anything from it, just the big smile her mom had on her face when she came home with a store bought cake, congratulating willow on her graduation. Willow barely ate anything from the cake, and before she could even realise what was happening and be happy, it all came crashing down.

The doctor had called, they didnt have rnough for health insurance, so willow’s pills would cost too much, meaning she couldnt get her refills. What a nice moment, and what a bittersweet thing to hear, to make it all crash down. Her mom seemed more upset then willow was, making her- well- feel bad for her mom. Making her feel like a burden- i mean if she hadnt been there- maybe-.

She couldnt find a good reason, but she felt like a weight to her mom. The next week was just preparing for the worst, the pills slowly running out, the orange bottles being thrown into the trash one by one, since they werent being filled up any time soon. Everything seemed fine after that. I mean, it was worse then usual, but without school she finally had some peace, so not taking the pills had a minor effect on her.

Spring break rolled around and like any other break she spent it alone, covered up with her green zipper hoodie maybe brushing out her matted, long brown hair and crafting something, some bloodied pigeon wings on a wooden pigeon. She didnt even think about what had happened with zack- i mean she did- but she didnt expect anything to come from it. Until there was an envelope in the mail. An invitation for a graduation party, adressed especially to her. It looked too messy for a school to hand out, so one of the students must have sent it.

She didnt want to go, especially since it was on july 19th, wich was her 18th birthday. But her mom convinced her to see her classmates, just for one more time before they would go to college, and she would start working, since they didnt have money for college.

And on rolled july 19th, she was sitting in the car with her mom, her mom driving into a small path into the forrest, wich was ironically full of weeping willow’s. Her mom dropped her off as close to the party as she could, and drove off.

Willow put up her hood and walked into the forrest, not getting very far before being greeted by the three mean girls, and zack, standing a little further behind them, his cheek looking messed up, not very neatly stitched up. And with a small nod from the girls zack ran towards willow, picking her up and forcing her against a weeping willow, tying her up, making her wrists hurt like hell.

The girls begane degrading her, slashing at her hoodie, cutting her arms, slicing her long hair off into a sort cut to right above the shoulder, with such short bangs they almost werent there. Whenever willow started crying they just laughed, giving the box cutter to zack as he mercilessly stabbed her in the side, going easily through her hoodie and skin, making the blood stain her hoodie. The girls laughed as they softly whispered about the ‘grand finale’, as the signalled zack to get something from one of their bags.

He got a soft of thermos cup, wich would often contain coffee or tea, but in this case, contained something much worse. In a blink of an eye he threw it at willow’s face, making her jerk her head to the left and ripping her hand out of the retraint to try and cover her face, splashing the substance all over the right side of her face, and a little bit of her neck. For a second she thought it was okay, until it started to burn. And boy did it burn.

It felt like her skin was melting off, wich it was, but 100 times worse. She heard the girls laugh as she weeped and screamed and clawed at her face, coughing as she dropped to her knees, looking up to the girls with her one good eye, her eyes full of terror, but anger quickly building up.

Now having her hands free she grabbed the box cutter that was laying on the ground, and slashed at becky, the front girl, cutting open her stomach, making her drop to the floor. All the girls screamed as willow slowly stood up, easily cutting open the throat of one of the girls, and stabbing the back of the other girl as she tried to run.

Zack seemed to accept his faith, seeming scared but accepting as willow cut open the stitching in his cheek and stabbed into his throat, dragging the box cutter down his chest, making him gurgle in his own blood, like most of the others were. She grabbed the head of the girl she stabbed in the back and sliced her neck open to the bone, the turned to becky.

Becky was holding her stomach, trying to keep the blood from pouring out of her gashing wound. Willow grabbed becky by the hair, holding her down on her back as she started cutting around her face, cutting fully around her face, and eventually started rupping the skin off her face, eventually ripping it clean, making becky scream in agony as she was still barely conscious.

Willow held the face, looking in the reflection or becky’s pocket mirror as she put it over her face, trying to be beautiful, but she threw the skin down, seeing that she wasnt. She was ruined, now not only mentally, but physically too. She threw the mirror on the ground and stomped it, putting rhe box cutter in her pocket as she started stumbling away, stumbling back home.

She held her hood up, and was keeping her arms over the wounds on her body, making her way back into her and her mom’s apartment, mostly unnoticed. When she got home her mom was sitting at the dinner table, reading the newspaper and not even noticing that willow came home, and that willow was grabbing the box cutter from her pocket.

In a blink of an eye she had the blad in her mom’s throat, stabbing her throat over and over and over again, making her head start to detach from her body. Her mom’s blood was all over her fave, her clothes, and over the dinner. She breathed heavily as she looked at her mom’s decapitated body, and the head laying next to it.

She crumbled up next to the body and started to weeping, weeping like the weeping willow she was. She was last reported at the fabric store her mom worked at, making a mask out of a mannequin face, then fleeing into the woods. People say shes still out in those woods, killing and stealing people’s faces, to try and be pretty again.

(Hi, tom here!! Im very dislexic so if any of this is soelled wrong/written wrong please tell me! Also i included some cringy art of willow, im gonna make more art and some headcannons soon but im in france right now, so ill do it when im home&have time. Btw, even though willow is 18, im still a minor and would prefer no sexual content about my oc (if it ever gets famous or something). I hope you guys enjoy! :PP )

[the-monkey-ruler]

so according to the rules and from what I understand, if you are the child of two powerful demons or a powerful being, it doesn't matter, you have to achieve everything yourself because the skills and magic will not be inherited to you, maybe only the strength, but beyond that, you inherit nothing and must achieve it for yourself.

I understand that Chenxiang, being a demigod, only inherited strength but had to train anyway. Are there exceptions, or is this the case for everyone? What about Redboy? Or the son of the white snake?

Well in a sense. I have said before that it does affect on what pieces you are that also affects what kind of power you are inclined to have. Like the Scorpion Demon having poison and the Yellow-Tusk Elephant King being able to use his trunk. The same could be said with demon offspring if they have any genetic effects of their partners. Red Boy most likely got his fire performance from his mother Princess Iron Fan having her cave located on Flame Mountain and being able to control them with her wind powers. But when it comes to things like gaining power then YES they would have to train for that on their own. It's like that they are born with the POSSIBILY with being as great as their partners but they are not born automatically with that power, they must train, which could be easier for them in all honestly.

Chenxiang had more natural strength but he didn't know how to use it and thus, in his earlier versions, accidentally killed another boy. He had to be trained by the Thunder God (or Sun Wukong now) in order to master his strength and have the skills and techniques to save his mother. A bow and arrow are a strong weapon to someone with perfect eyesight, but useless if they don't know how to draw the string.

Red Boy is said in the text that he trained with his powers as well, took him 300 years to master his Sahamdi fire, he wasn't just born knowing how to use it. He had strong parents and thus had an advantage but he still practiced long and hard.

Xu Shilin is a later addition to the Legend of the White Snake as the story usually ends in tragedy with White Snake and Green Snake being caught by Fahai who trapped them in a pagoda. It is in the later version does White Snake gives birth to Xu Shilin and he grows up to become strong enough to save his mother from the pagoda. I cannot find anything that really gives a clear story on how or if he was ever trained but from what I gathered that "His filial piety moved heaven, and What Snake was able to get out of the tower and see the sun again." Hard to say if he had anything magical powers to really aid his saving mother or just that his spirit was enough to do so.

From this we can gather that Red Boy, who received formal training in the span of 300 years, is so strong not because of his heritage solely. His parents being power demons does gives him that greater potential but he was only able to live up to that potential because of his hundreds of years of training, making him a threat to even Sun Wukong. Chenxiang was given far less time (I've seen him training from 1 to 3 years) BUT IN THAT TIME he was able to go head to head with Erlang Shen, one of the greatest fighters in heaven. I would like to note that Chenxiang did have both his Axe of Pangu and the Lotus Lantern on his side and perhaps those heavenly treasures were able to help his fight as well. Xu Shilin has such little information and no formal training despite being half-demon half-human. Most likely he would have great potential but I cannot find any stories of him fighting Fahai head-on or not and thus cannot say how powerful his true strength can be. What I can say is that without a teacher he was given no feats of strength or anything of physical or magical powers. To be this suggests that without proper training he could not live up to that potential.

From this, we can gather that having cultivated parents can give you a potential boost, but without former training then it cannot be utilized. Erlang and Chengxiang are prime example of how having a cultivated parent can increase your potential, Erlang Shen being one (if not the) strongest gods in heaven, and Chenxiang being able to learn and cultivate in accelerated speeds. Both being quite young in their training to save their mothers. Red Boy having two powerful demons was able to utilize his potential though it took far longer, centuries at that (we don't see a lot of natural-born demons and I personally believe that it is harder for demons to conceive a child with other demons compared to having a child with a human, hence why they are target more often for spouses (that is just a theory)). And sadly I have no examples of what power Xu Shilin could have had as he had no formal training and thus what potential he could have can only be speculated.

[harpagornis]

Lemuria: The Dreaded Titicula

Young Titicula emerging from an elephant wound. By Dave Garcia.

The island of Lemuria is home to a staggering mammalian megafauna, ruled over by large birds of prey. Yet, few creatures inspire as much fear in the prey mammals – including human beings – than the Titicula, Drepanorhamphus sarcokatastrofeas.

About the size of a sparrow, the Titicula is a very odd bird. A lemurornithid – a flying paleognath related to elephant birds and kiwis – it bears the hallmarks of this clade’s weirdness: pamprodactyl fuzzy feet, puffy degenerate hindwings, no tail feathers. It also has some weird traits of its own; alongside flamingos it is the only vertebrate in which the rictus extends past the orbit, almost reaching the nares in a fleshy “cheek”, in its case housing glands that produce a strong antiseptic, the birds licking over wounds in order to prevent infection and allow cellular regeneration. Males tend to be slightly larger than females and have black bands on their shoulders, but both sexes are generally not very dimorphic, both possessing a primarily brown spotted plummage with a white underside. They do, however, diverge in the beak.

Native to western Lemuria, the Titicula’s range extends across savannahs, scrubland, semi-desert and open forest biomes, reaching all the way to montane grassland mosaics. It is a mostly nomadic animal, though some montane populations are migratory, wintering in the lowlands. Bearing a long, slender beak, the Titicula is mostly a terrestrial forager, probing the ground for insects and other invertebrates, occasionally also feeding on seeds, small vertebrates and nectar. It is a largely crepuscular animal; it’s closest relatives are the nocturnal jeeper-creepers and the cathemeral anteater birds, from which it diverged around five million years ago, suggesting that the common ancestor between these taxa was already specialised to forage on lowlight conditions.

Titicula generally breed during monsoon months, which is where a dramatic shift from their usual lifestyle takes place. Males, which already have atypically serrated bills, develop longer keratinous “teeth” with distinctive inner grooves. During this period they produce a strange substance in their saliva, that often bubbles up, making them look rabid. These are adaptations to the bird’s atypical and terrifying breeding habits.

The first thing the male does after developing these features is search for a large mammal. Pretty much every lemurian mammal species that weights more than 50 kg is at risk, but the Titicula has a special prefference for elephants and large gondwanatheres. The male Titicula is rather picky about its target, usually preffering healthy males or lactating females. Once he finds a suitable target, the male flies up to it and bites, injecting the substance as rapidly as possible. Then he flies off, and waits. The saliva substance contains a strong neurotoxin that paralyses the victim for the span of an hour or more, inducing a state akin to sleep paralysis. The notoreceptors are left unaffected, and may actually become more sensitive.

Once the animal can’t fight back, the male begins his gruesome work, biting through the flesh with his serrated beak. Usually he takes advantage of already existing wounds, but he is perfectly capable of perforating thick hides on his own. Regardless, he will eat his way, creating a 30 cm deep tunnel, carefully angled as to not chance into vital organs or major blood vessels, yet lodged deep enough so that its impossible for the victim to crush him to death once he’s inside. As he eats, he licks the surrounding flesh, spreading his antiseptic substance to help the victim remain infection free and suffer less from bloodloss. At the end of the tunnel, he forms a cavity up to twice larger than himself.

Once this is done the male will emerge from the hole, remaining in the vicinity of the victim as the effects of the neurotoxin pass. As he follows about he emits infrasound calls barely perciptible to human ears, warding off rivals and attracting mates. Once a potential partner appears, the male will lead towards the victim. If the female aproves, they mate, and the male afterwards paralyses the victim, allowing her to enter and deposit one or two eggs. This may go on for a couple of days, where the male will copulate with about three or four females and gather up a small clutch, before he permanently enters the cavity. Sometimes a rival male may be drawn by the calls and kick him and his eggs out, leaving the exiled male to start again the next year.

If things go without interruptions, however, the male will stay inside the victim, incubating his eggs for about two months. Periodically he will leave to deposit his bodily waste outside of the whole, the entrance becoming postule-like and full of pus, and occasionally he will eat chunks of flesh from the victim. Most of the holes are strategically located in the vicinity of adipose tissues, the male favouring the victim’s fat over other tissues. In the first few weeks the male is rather cautious about feeding, avoiding harming the victim, but as the incubation period nears its end he will become less hesitant, often eating indiscriminately and beginning to expand the tunnel. A Babana specimen was discovered with a two meter long tunnel inside, the bird having eaten around in several loops.

After hatching the chicks will remain inside the host for a few days, the male kicking out the shells. Already born with flight feathers, they soon climb out of the tunnel, leaving the host to forage outside. The male follows after, leaving the victim at last, his keratinous “teeth” falling off. He will look after his young for another month or so, before they fly off to start their own lives. Sexual maturity is reached at around 5 years of age, and individuals may not breed up to a 2 year interval.

The Titicula’s terrifying and gruesome breeding habits is one of Lemuria’s most mysterious adaptations. Based on genetic data, the Titicula is a very recent species, probably having evolved in the Pliocene. The oldest unambiguous evidence is a possible early Pleistocene Cawlanga skeleton in northwestern Lemuria, possessing ribcage bite marks that fit the male Titicula’s tooth-like serrations. How this method of breeding came into being is unknown, something made even more jarring given how the Titicula doesn’t possess obvious marker habits like commensal parasite feeding, nor do its closest relatives. A hypothesis is that its ancestors might initially have laid eggs on corpses, switching to live animals to avoid predation from scavengers. However, this behaviour is not observed in its closest relatives, nor does it explain the acquisition of its venom.

Suffice to say, the bird’s violent activities do take a toll on the victim. Though the insides are rendered infection-free, the end postules may develop necrosis, younger animals may die of shock and adipose tissue deprivation, and the mental trauma is very severe, particularly in elephants. However, there is a surprising beneficial aspect to this lifecycle. Most of the victims have improved immunological systems, suffering from grave infections and parasites less frequently than non-targetted individuals, and it seems that the antiseptical substance may significantly decrease the risk of cancer. Animals that do survive the first infection are likely to live longer, healthier lives, and posterior Titicula attacks will generally be less fatal, as the birds preffer to use already opened wounds to creating new ones.

Because Titicula target human beings, it has been suggested to have been one of the reasons why early hominid populations were restricted to the wetter eastern peninsulas, their rainforest habitats less attractive to these parasite birds. To the various lemurian cultures, reverence and disgust mark human relationships with this bird. Archaeological evidence is rife with pathological telltales of Titicula infections, and some cultures even encourage them, believing that individuals strong enough to survive the process emerge stronger as a result. The spread of Sammangal farming allowed the spread of open environments in which these birds thrived, further expanding their range across Lemuria. Lemurian Buddhist texts refer to the Titicula as one of the five great diseases, seeing it as a great source of suffering. Yet, attempts to eradicate this bird, both under Indian and European colonial rule, have proven fruitless, as not only is it adaptable but various cultures continued to prommote its infections in medicine.

There are naturally various names for the Titicula across Lemuria’s languages. The name itself comes from a francophone version of Common Werer tik-tik-va, “flesh biter”, first reccorded by George Cuvier, and certainly popularised due to its similarities with “Dracula”. Other names include Soreopeia tavanga (“organ raker”), Wava icharaia (“who causes suffering”) and Lemurian Tamil ceypavala (“torturer”)

Truly one of Lemuria’s most intriguiging life forms, the Titicula is rightfully feared, but wonderfully demonstrates the extremes natural selection can provide.

[biblioflyer]

Star Trek: Picard rewatch: Introduction

This post is periodically updated with direct links to new essays in my rewatch series.

Given that there are now two seasons to digest, how well does Star Trek Picard hold up to a rewatch? Was I overly charitable? Too uncharitable? Are there plot holes that I ignored the first time through? Are there plot holes I remember existing that actually are explained in the series and I simply missed them?

First impressions:

Overall I have enjoyed Star Trek Picard, although not uncritically. I, like many, was troubled by some of the darker themes and the implication that the Federation, especially in season one, had backslid into something more intolerant and disinterested in the values that the characters routinely ascribe to it and that I, in turn, project onto it. Whether this is fair or not is something that partly motivates me in undertaking this rewatch. It is also a topic I am exploring in a related set of essays, specifically the “Did Picard Turn the Federation into a Dystopia?” series. (essay format)

My memory of the show is one in which it starts strong, makes some questionable decisions in the middle, and then ends with a satisfying if somewhat contrived way. My sense of the show is that in both seasons but especially the first, the showrunners mismanaged the various strands of the show’s storyline, kept adding more storylines, and ultimately resolved some of them in rather ad hoc ways that create internal continuity problems.

I stress "internal" because I am moderately permissive of continuity issues across series, less permissive within the same series. I treat Star Trek and other franchises that have spanned generations and produced this much content as more like oral traditions or mythologies and less like a tightly edited, extensively footnoted "history of the future."

A few complaints that exist in my head that I will be exploring: (Spoilers start here)

Season one questions:

How justified or not was the Federation in becoming more isolationist and failing to help the Romulans evacuate their homeworlds?

To what degree did the Federation become a darker, more dystopian place in Star Trek Picard?

How plausible is the Zhat Vash conspiracy?

What are Soji and Dahj in technical terms? To what degree are they like Data, i.e. androids, and to what degree are they a new form of organic life?

How do I feel about the show aesthetically? Does it feel like Star Trek? If not, how is Star Trek supposed to feel? Is the show better or worse if I try to distance myself from my preconceived expectations about “Trekkiness”?

Was the ending “rushed?”

Season one Rewatch Essays:

Meta commentary:

What is gained and what is lost by leaning into "realism"

S1E1 "Remembrance"

Misremembering Remembrance: Theme, Symbolism, Dream Interpretation

The Sad Mutant Elephant in the Room: Depression, Defeat, and the Narrative Significance of Battling Enemies Within Instead of Without.

How and why did the Federation fail the Romulans (and itself)?

Is it "Real" Star Trek? What does that even mean? In which I try to take the question seriously rather than flipping the table because it disagrees violently with STO or my headcanons.

S1E2 "Maps and Legends"

Mars, 9/11, and Ruminations on Trauma & Rage: putting the Federation on the couch and examining its psyche.

Did the Federation accidentally reinvent racism? Grappling with the Synths and the behavior of Utopia Planitia workers.

S1E3 "The End is the Beginning"

Deconstructions of the Raffi "Controversy"

Classism? In MY Star Trek?! Analyzing a bad first impression.

Being Miserable in Paradise: The Ethics and Implications of Poor Mental Health in a Utopia.

Raffi Before the Fall: What can we reasonably infer about Raffi's fitness to serve and what made her a candidate to be aide to camp to a legend?

General observations:

Raffis and Jiuratis: A Star Trek fandom personality test

How to Squickly Mangle a Theme: Missed Opportunities and Subversions of Otherwise Noble Themes

S1E4 "Absolute Candor"

The Map is Not the Terrain: Institutional Power in Star Trek Picard

Harm Reduction or Abdication: Balancing Autonomy and Care in Picard's Federation.

Four episodes later: thoughts on the metaplot, Trekkiness, and rewatches

S1E5 "Stardust City Rag"

Reconsidering a "bad" episode or how much of a difference three years makes in experiencing drama.

Seven's Joker Problem: Stardust City Rag's trolley problem made me VERY uncomfortable.

Season 2:

Lingering questions:

What is Q’s agenda? Really?

Are there possible timeline consequences for Queen Jiurati running around in the background for several centuries?

Which model of how time works is Picard using? Linear or many worlds?

Based on her behavior in season 2, should Raffi have been cleared to return to duty after the events of season 1 or ought a wellness exam have caught that her "breaking point" is not where it probably ought to be for Starfleet? Is describing her behavior as unreasonable itself unreasonable?

How well executed was the theme of communication, personal growth, intimacy etc.?

Social commentary: was Picard's social commentary distracting and immersion breaking or appropriate and in keeping with the Star Trek legacy?

A moderately long aside: Ethically, I generally consider myself a strong advocate of a lot of what I view as core values of Star Trek (watch this space for more discussion about this) but at the same time, I do not have an unlimited amount of tolerance for pedantic social commentary, oversimplifications, or bad arguments for good ideals.

I believe there is only so much value to be gained from being incredibly mistrustful of your audience and their ability to grasp nuance. If a subset of the audience is likely to misunderstand your message, then making the message more explicit can guard against incorrect readings at the cost of cheapening the art. 

Its not a perfect analogy because season two doesn't really have much in the way of villains who embody the concepts the series is raging against, but a comparison can be made to a problematic subset of the "Breaking Bad" or "Joker" fandoms.

I understand and appreciate the desire to avoid a “Breaking Bad” or “Joker” situation where a subset of the audience is so thoroughly enamored with the villain and the power fantasy the villain represents that the audience fails to recognize that they ought not to be uncritically worshiping the villain.

I just tend to think taking too many pains to avoid incorrect readings can cross a threshold into breaking immersion and just generally being annoying. When this happens, I am annoyed not because I disagree with the message but because I agree with the message and the more it's dumbed down, the more I feel pandered to and that my intelligence is being insulted.

Season Three Reactions, Analysis and Speculation SPOILERS

Episode Two: Disengage

In which I wish Picard would uphold the genre conventions its discarding and discard the genre conventions its discarding. (But I actually did like it overall.)

In which Star Trek Morality Plays are my favorite subgenre.

Episode Three: Seventeen Seconds

In which I wish Space Dad and Space Cool Uncle would stop fighting and Worf and Raffi embark on the best buddy cop saga Star Trek has ever seen.

Episode Four: No Win Scenario

Star Trek exposes its painfully earnest moral core in a beautiful way that made me want to stand up and cheer.

Episode Five: Imposters

Misfits belong in Starfleet. Finding their place in Starfleet is another story.

Episode Six: The Bounty

The character I wanted to hate makes me want to bond with him over nerding out over ships.

How Star Trek Picard S3 is about intergenerational healing and allowing the young to be independent agents.

Episode Seven: Dominion

Maybe don't write so many war stories that can only be resolved by a ultra nationalists attempting genocide.

Episode Eight: Surrender

I don't often yell at the screen over cliffhangers....

Episode Nine: Vox

Is "Picard" trolling the "get off my lawn" side of the fandom?

How Picard should end: my personal preferences (emphasis on personal and preferences) for how to wrap up the various arcs and storylines.

Seven of Nine's ethical nature is not compatible with Starfleet and that's okay.

Episode Ten: The Last Generation

I laughed, I cried, I cheered, I'm not free of conflict

Themes of Autonomy vs Institutionalism in Picard

Narrative style and reactions to fan reactions to Jack Crusher

Embrace the old and the new: A wishlist for Star Trek Legacy

[danvssomethingorother]

On the failed Disney movie scale, I would say “Strange World” is better then brother bear but not as good as Atlantis.

In fact I consider it the opposite of Atlantis. Disney went all out on marketing but audiences just didn’t want to see Atlantis. Whereas I have not seen any advertisement for Strange World. I heard “gay Disney character” and thought it was a movie in production, not one that came out on Thanksgiving weekend.

I always thought the problem with Atlantis was an amazing cast and visuals but honestly the plot and world needed more development and I never thought it was a plot that would ever work for children with no attention span. So a lot of stuff is just vague, unexplained or just kinda ok. As a kid, I couldn’t follow it and usually just did other stuff while it played in the background after a certain point. As an adult, I felt the plot needed some adjustments and after they get to Atlantis things just kinda dip for me. There aren’t as many strong moments for the characters and the city isn’t as explored or explained as much as it should be.

I think the world building and plot worked for Strange World. The characters could have been better. The visuals are just average Disney, competent and easy to look at, but not like anything I would say really stood out.

The thing that sets them apart is the elephant in the room, or should I say, the openly gay boy.

That part was good. The production team handled it very well in the movie itself but oh boy did some of these reviewers not take kindly to it.

I consider the movie meh, could have been better but holy shit the reviews are so homophobic and don’t even talk about the movie itself. And the fact Disney is sweeping the only canon movie with a canon gay under the rug is like concerning.

Disney not giving a shit about its movies isnt new but they finally get a chance to flaunt a gay character and they run like the cowards they are.

[spookysaladchaos]

Global Top 13 Companies Accounted for 82% of total Poly Methyl Methacrylate (PMMA) market (QYResearch, 2021)

Polymethyl Methacrylate (PMMA) is a thermoplastic polymer of Methyl Methacrylate (MMA). It is a clear, strong and lightweight plastic generally used as a substitute to glass due to its energy efficiency and weather resistance.

According to the new market research report “Global Poly Methyl Methacrylate (PMMA) Market Report 2023-2029”, published by QYResearch, the global Poly Methyl Methacrylate (PMMA) market size is projected to reach USD 6.08 billion by 2029, at a CAGR of 7.4% during the forecast period.

Figure.   Global Poly Methyl Methacrylate (PMMA) Market Size (US$ Million), 2018-2029

Figure.   Global Poly Methyl Methacrylate (PMMA) Top 13 Players Ranking and Market Share (Ranking is based on the revenue of 2022, continually updated)

The global key manufacturers of Poly Methyl Methacrylate (PMMA) include Röhm, Trinseo, Mitsubishi Chemical, Sumitomo Chemical, LX MMA, Lotte MCC, Chi Mei, Double Elephant Optical Material, Wanhua Chemical, Kuraray, etc. In 2021, the global top 10 players had a share approximately 82.0% in terms of revenue.

About QYResearch

QYResearch founded in California, USA in 2007.It is a leading global market research and consulting company. With over 16 years’ experience and professional research team in various cities over the world QY Research focuses on management consulting, database and seminar services, IPO consulting, industry chain research and customized research to help our clients in providing non-linear revenue model and make them successful. We are globally recognized for our expansive portfolio of services, good corporate citizenship, and our strong commitment to sustainability. Up to now, we have cooperated with more than 60,000 clients across five continents. Let’s work closely with you and build a bold and better future.

QYResearch is a world-renowned large-scale consulting company. The industry covers various high-tech industry chain market segments, spanning the semiconductor industry chain (semiconductor equipment and parts, semiconductor materials, ICs, Foundry, packaging and testing, discrete devices, sensors, optoelectronic devices), photovoltaic industry chain (equipment, cells, modules, auxiliary material brackets, inverters, power station terminals), new energy automobile industry chain (batteries and materials, auto parts, batteries, motors, electronic control, automotive semiconductors, etc.), communication industry chain (communication system equipment, terminal equipment, electronic components, RF front-end, optical modules, 4G/5G/6G, broadband, IoT, digital economy, AI), advanced materials industry Chain (metal materials, polymer materials, ceramic materials, nano materials, etc.), machinery manufacturing industry chain (CNC machine tools, construction machinery, electrical machinery, 3C automation, industrial robots, lasers, industrial control, drones), food, beverages and pharmaceuticals, medical equipment, agriculture, etc.

[aniket623]

Top 8 Bhutan Wildlife Sanctuaries For Nature Lovers

Bhutan, known as the Land of the Thunder Dragon, is an untouched gem in the Himalayas. Its serene landscapes, rich biodiversity, and strong cultural heritage make it a paradise for nature lovers. The country’s commitment to environmental conservation is evident in its numerous wildlife sanctuaries and national parks. Here are the top 8 Bhutan wildlife sanctuaries for nature lovers. Also, it is one of the best photography places in Bhutan for your interest! 

1. Jigme Dorji National Park

Overview: Jigme Dorji National Park is the second largest national park in Bhutan, spanning over 4,349 square kilometers. It covers diverse ecosystems ranging from lowland forests to high-altitude glaciers.

Highlights:

Wildlife: Home to elusive species like the snow leopard, Himalayan blue sheep, and red panda.

Flora: Rich in medicinal plants and alpine flowers.

Activities: Trekking routes such as the Snowman Trek and hot springs in Gasa.

Best Time to Visit: March to May and September to November.

Why Visit: Jigme Dorji National Park offers a unique blend of scenic beauty and biodiversity. It’s a haven for wildlife enthusiasts and trekkers, providing a glimpse into Bhutan’s rich natural heritage.

2. Royal Manas National Park

Overview: Established in 1966, Royal Manas National Park is Bhutan’s oldest national park. It is often referred to as the “conservation showpiece of the kingdom.”

Highlights:

Wildlife: Bengal tigers, Asian elephants, one-horned rhinoceroses, and golden langurs.

Birdlife: Over 365 bird species, including the great hornbill and the black-necked crane.

Activities: Wildlife safaris and bird watching.

Best Time to Visit: November to March.

Why Visit: Royal Manas National Park’s rich biodiversity and beautiful landscapes make it an essential destination for nature lovers. It is an excellent place for wildlife safaris and bird watching.

3. Phibsoo Wildlife Sanctuary

Overview: Located in southern Bhutan, Phibsoo Wildlife Sanctuary spans 268 square kilometers. It is unique due to its tropical and subtropical forest ecosystems.

Highlights:

Wildlife: Golden langurs, spotted deer, and Bhutan’s only chital population.

Flora: Sal forests and a variety of tropical plants.

Activities: Nature walks and wildlife spotting.

Best Time to Visit: October to April.

4. Sakteng Wildlife Sanctuary

Overview: Located in eastern Bhutan, Sakteng Wildlife Sanctuary covers 741 square kilometers. It is known for preserving the culture and environment of the semi-nomadic Brokpa community.

Highlights:

Wildlife: Red pandas, Himalayan black bears, and the mythical yeti.

Cultural Experience: Home to the Brokpa community, offering a blend of natural and cultural tourism.

Activities: Cultural tours and nature hikes.

Best Time to Visit: March to May and September to November.

Why Visit: Sakteng Wildlife Sanctuary is a unique blend of cultural and natural heritage. It’s an excellent destination for those interested in experiencing Bhutan’s diverse wildlife and indigenous cultures.

5. Bumdeling Wildlife Sanctuary

Overview: Bumdeling Wildlife Sanctuary, located in northeastern Bhutan, covers 1,520 square kilometers. It is renowned for its scenic beauty and as a haven for birdwatchers.

Highlights:

Birdlife: Home to the rare black-necked cranes, among other bird species.

Wildlife: Leopards, red pandas, and Himalayan black bears.

Activities: Bird watching, trekking, and exploring picturesque alpine meadows.

Best Time to Visit: October to February for bird watching.

Why Visit: Bumdeling Wildlife Sanctuary’s stunning landscapes and rich avian diversity make it a paradise for bird watchers and nature enthusiasts. The sight of black-necked cranes in their natural habitat is truly magical.

6. Jomotsangkha Wildlife Sanctuary

Overview: Jomotsangkha Wildlife Sanctuary, located in southeastern Bhutan, is the smallest sanctuary in the country, covering 334 square kilometers.

Highlights:

Wildlife: Clouded leopards, Asian golden cats, and various bird species.

Flora: Dense subtropical forests with diverse plant species.

Activities: Wildlife spotting and forest treks.

Best Time to Visit: October to March.

Why Visit: Despite its small size, Jomotsangkha Wildlife Sanctuary boasts a rich biodiversity. Its dense forests and rare wildlife species offer a peaceful retreat for nature lovers.

7. Khaling Wildlife Sanctuary

Overview: Khaling Wildlife Sanctuary, located in southeastern Bhutan, spans 334 square kilometers. It is known for its efforts in conserving the red panda and other endangered species.

Highlights:

Wildlife: Red pandas, black bears, and numerous bird species.

Flora: Temperate broadleaf forests rich in biodiversity.

Activities: Nature walks and wildlife observation.

Best Time to Visit: March to May and September to November.

8. Thrumshingla National Park

Overview: Spanning central Bhutan, Thrumshingla National Park covers 905 square kilometers. It is characterized by its dramatic elevation range and diverse ecosystems.

Highlights:

Birdlife: Home to rare birds like the Rufous-necked hornbill.

Wildlife: Includes leopards, red pandas, and Himalayan black bears.

Activities: Trekking through various ecosystems, from subtropical forests to alpine meadows.

Best Time to Visit: March to May and September to November.

Why Visit: Thrumshingla National Park’s diverse landscapes and rich biodiversity make it a must-visit for nature lovers. The park’s extensive trekking routes offer breathtaking views and wildlife encounters.

Conclusion

Bhutan’s wildlife sanctuaries are a testament to its commitment to environmental conservation and sustainable tourism. Each sanctuary offers a unique experience, from the high-altitude glaciers of Jigme Dorji National Park to the tropical forests of Phibsoo Wildlife Sanctuary. Whether you are a wildlife enthusiast, a bird watcher, or simply seeking tranquility in nature, Bhutan’s sanctuaries provide the perfect escape. Plan your visit during the best times of the year to fully appreciate the magical beauty of Bhutan’s natural wonders.

[andrewrobertsoncreativeenquiry]

Creative enquiry

This module’s current working title is “The biggest elephants in the room.” It will focus on two of the global issues I am unable to ignore and often play on my mind, in an almost uncontrollable fashion.  

war and the production and sale of weapons

the climate crisis.

The brief

The main purpose of this module will be to produce a body of work that encourages thought and hopefully insights for the viewer to delve deeper into these topics, with the aim of further understanding how the actions of our governments and citizens play a part in these issues.

Research

To further understand these issues and how other artists have approached them I will utilise a variety of different sources from both the art world and the world of journalistic media, as well as United Nations data and Official statistics, some of which will be listed throughout this proposal.

Artist research

Source: https://www.instagram.com/spellingmistakescostlives/

Darren Cullen 

"Britain-hating anarchist who knows the value of nothing" - Johnny Mercer MP

Cullen’s work is often a bit brash for my tastes however I do like a lot of what he produces and have an interest in similar issues. I believe his choice to swich from advertising to fine art whilst studying has given him a style which has both visual impact and strong meaning, something which I endeavour to achieve in my work, yet in different ways using my already developed/developing style.        

Sources: https://www.instagram.com/peterkennardx/

“Peter Kennard's work is haunting. Eschewing words, it insists upon not being forgotten. He is a master of the medium of photomontage. His images are impossible to convey with words because of their unmistakable visual texture, pure and dirty, suggesting a strange amalgam of X-ray, satellite image and slag. The future - which for so long was a mine of gory rhetoric for those holding power - today depends upon those who insist upon looking beyond their lifetime. And to do this we have to scrutinise, like Peter Kennard, our nightmares and suppressed hopes. His art cannot be ignored.”   John Berger for the Guardian news paper

Media based research

Some examples of the sources of journalistic content I will be using, spanning online news sites such as the BBC news website, newspapers, and documentaries.

Websites (to be used to gather information and statistics)  

https://www.defense.gov/   (US Department of Defence)

https://www.ohchr.org/  (UN Human rights)

https://www.baesystems.com/ (UK based weapons producer)

https://www.lockheedmartin.com/ (US based weapons producer)

https://www.mil.gov.ua/en/ (Ministry of Defence for Ukraine)

https://eng.mil.ru/    (Ministry of Defence for Russia)

War is a smoke screen, and both the reporting of it and the presentation of information about it from official sources can prove to be angled or inaccurate. This is something I will have to be aware of, and perhaps draw attention to, with some of the works produced.

After preliminary research, I have decided that much of this work will be based around the production of mock weapons. This will work as a personal attempt to get into the headspace of those who produce, sell, and licence the sale of weapons, while also producing a thought provoking and visually stimulating body of work. This will be carried out using a variety of mediums including plaster casting and use and alteration of ready-made items. Some of these will be toys intended for children, with the intent of leading to an examination of the effect of war and use of weapons on the development of children and young people.

Current works in progress for creative enquiry

A Robertson October 2023: Babies’ mobile made using altered child’s dive toys

This work is about the affect of growing up in a war zone and how this perhaps can normalise war or at very least make it seem a possible option.

A Robertson October 2023: Plaster of Paris casts of artillery shells (photoshop impression)

This work more directly looks at the production of weapons and may become some sort of memorial to lives lost in conflict during 2023. 

The Climate Crisis

The other component of this module will explore attitudes and reactions to the ever-worsening climate crisis, both on a collective and personal level. The works produced will use a mix of stills photography and moving image.  These will be used to highlight the hypocrisy of our own actions and our governments’ actions in relation to this crisis.

This will be a smaller component of the module. It’s important to note that this may not be progressed due to a variety of concerns at this stage, including my time, heath considerations and the fact that there may be a lack of synergy between the two suggested topics. However, I feel that I have some good work in the pipeline on this topic and that there are important links between the use of fossil fuels and war and weapons production.

 

Source: https://www.instagram.com/anyrobot_____/

[midnight-mod]

RANT THAT NO ONE WILL PROBABLY READ

Reminder that:

Allistic people can, and do, get overstimulated

Allistic people do have sensory needs (even if they don’t realize it)

Allistic people stim! (Tapping pen, jiggling leg, chewing pencil)

Allistic people can and do get frustrated by some social rules (not every not-autistic person “gets” 100% of the rules 100% of the time)

Allistic people have passions and interests that can last a lifetime

Autism is these traits expressed to a disordered degree, where they impair someone’s ability to function day to day

I am in the camp that a lot of people self-dxing as autistic these days are not, even though I do think it’s more common than previously thought.

The same thing is happening to ADHD. Anyone who is struggling with attention is ADHD. Anyone who is very energetic is ADHD.

But I’m also in the camp that these people are probably reacting to sensing (correctly) that something is wrong, and launching themselves at something that seems to explain and embrace it.

And those people DESERVE to feel better. They DESERVE symptom relief. They deserve to let themselves stim and be more open about their interests! They deserve to excuse themselves when overstimulated to take a sensory break! They deserve to feel confident communicating to someone that a social rule is too restrictive for them!

But I think social media is spreading this concept that if you have ANY social or sensory difficulties you are autistic. That if you have a passion it’s a special interest or hyperfixation. That if you are struggling with focus and executive dysfunction you are definitely ADHD.

When I think we’re ignoring the elephant in the room: COVID. The pandemic stunted a lot of kids’ social development. It meant everyone was online a LOT more, and studies have shown that social media can cause serious dysregulation of the dopamine reward system and cause seriously shortened attention spans. Being trapped inside meant it was easier to develop discomfort avoidance habits since you constantly had access to instant distraction and escape from challenging or frustrating or unpleasant tasks.

And I think a lot of kids developed depression and anxiety, both of which combined can present a LOT of similar symptoms to autism and ADHD!!! (I know because when I’m symptomatic for depression and anxiety my adhd becomes COMPLETELY unmanageable)

These diagnoses are not as cut and dry as people think. There are not strong borders between disordered and typical behaviors. You can easily slip over those borders. These diagnoses exist primarily for the purposes of psychiatric treatment—so the medications and therapeutic techniques most likely to treat the symptoms can be applied. But if you haven’t had lifelong presentation of a majority of symptoms of the disorder, it’s possible you’re suffering from something else that onset later in life.

These opinions come from someone who has been working with little kids for a little while now, including multiple autistic and adhd kiddos. And there are a lot of things that the non-autistic and adhd kids do that are not too far off from their neurodivergent peers.

(I avoided the terms Neurodivergent and Neurotypical in this rant because they have been misused to mean “autistic/adhd” and “not autistic/adhd”. A lot of these people struggling and self-dxing might really be neurodivergent, I am not going to call someone who might be struggling with PTSD, anxiety, depression, etc. neurotypical because… they’re NOT. Chances are good that they’re drawn to IDing as neurodivergent because they ARE, just not in the way they think)

[365hops]

Discover Jim Corbett's Legacy at Jim Corbett National Park

From 365hops, hello! We are ecstatic to know that you are interested in the magnificent jim corbett safari booking National Park and the amazing heritage of the man who founded it. Your enthusiasm for exploring the outdoors and learning about this park's unique history is incredibly motivating.

Overview of the destination:

As a monument to the greatness of a man who dedicated his life to preserving the forests and defending the populace from the threat of man-eating tigers, jungle safari jim Corbett stands today. It has a particular place in the hearts of both nature lovers and conservationists because it is India's first and oldest national park.

Highlights of the Park include the following:

• Diverse Elevation: The park's elevation spans from 1,300 to 4,000 feet, providing a varied scenery that includes hills, river belts, marshy depressions, grasslands, and a gorgeous lake.

• Abundant Biodiversity: With 110 tree species, 50 mammal species, 580 bird species, and 25 reptile species, Jim Corbett National Park is a refuge for nature lovers.

• The Man Behind the Legend: Sir Jim Corbett, born in Nainital, was not only an avid hunter but also a great hero for the villagers. He risked everything to save the neighborhood from man-eating tigers, so sparing numerous lives.

Imagine the excitement of chasing a powerful predator through dense underbrush, keeping track of its every move until the crucial encounter. That's Jim Corbett's legacy. This is how the fabled hunts of Sir Jim Corbett went. His acts were always motivated by a strong sense of duty to the individuals who were in danger, never by personal enjoyment.

The evocative depiction of Corbett's exploits and adventures in his book, "Man-Eaters of Kumaon, Jungle Lore," brought him both critical praise and financial success. Later, he changed careers and became a conservationist and wildlife photographer who promoted the preservation of India's biodiversity.

The creation of Jim Corbett National Park was made possible by Sir Jim Corbett's relentless efforts, which resulted in the creation of the 'Hailey National Park,' which was afterwards renamed the renowned Jim Corbett National Park. Today, it draws more than 70,000 visitors each year, giving them a chance to see the elusive Bengal tigers, which are noted for being shy.

Your Particular Knowledge: It is possible to follow in the footsteps of a legend, discover the lush landscapes he preserved, and see the species that calls Jim Corbett National Park home by going there. Even if it might be difficult to see Bengal tigers, you can still expect to see elephants, deer, a wide variety of forest vegetation, and the intriguing pug prints of the shy animals.

Your willingness to visit Jim Corbett National Park and honor its illustrious past is very admirable. We are eager to assist you in organizing a vacation that will enable you to fully experience the world of Sir Jim Corbett, experience the magic of the jungle, and create lasting memories.

Adventure Paragliding: A Suggestion for a Memorable Moment

Here is a thorough proposal that meets all of your needs and goals:

Overview and location: As the second-best location in the world for aero-sport activities, paragliding bir billing is a haven for fans of the activity. Billing and Bir are separated by about 14 kilometers, and it is conveniently situated just 70 km from Dharamshala. This area offers breathtaking views of the Himalayan Dhauladhar Mountain Range and the captivating Kangra Valley.

Options for paragliding:

1.One-on-one paragliding If you would prefer to fly alone, our highly qualified pilots will lead you through a thorough training session before to your trip. We put safety first, and you'll be ready to fly when the time comes.

2. Tandem Paragliding: Tandem paragliding is the ideal option for people who wish to enjoy this amazing experience with a friend or loved one. An skilled pilot will fly alongside you to ensure your safety as you unwind and take in the view.

Flight Experience: You will have about 20 to 30 minutes of sheer thrill throughout your paragliding excursion, which will take off from Billing and land in Bir. You will be treated to panoramic views of the surrounding natural beauties beginning at a height of 8000 feet above sea level in Billing and dropping to 4500 feet in Bir Billing.

Assurance of Safety: We are aware that safety is of utmost importance. All of our pilots are highly skilled professionals who are knowledgeable with wind speed, precise instructions, takeoffs, and landings. The breathtaking views will be your sole focus during the flight.

Ideal Season to Visit: Except during the monsoon season (July to September), when there is considerable rain, paragliding is possible all year round. The best months for long rides are October through November and March through June because of the optimum weather. Temperatures in Bir Billing often range from 10 to 25 degrees Celsius, making for a nice climate.

Other Activities: In addition to paragliding, Bir Billing also provides a range of other options for spiritual development. The paths are simple to follow and assure a pleasant journey.

Our Commitment: We are committed to giving you a memorable experience that will make you smile. Our greatest accomplishment is your satisfaction, thus we are eager to have you visit Bir Billing.

We would be happy to help you with the planning of your paragliding excursion. To ask any questions or to further discuss your vacation, don't hesitate to get in touch with us. We look forward to the chance to provide you with our services.

Expedition proposal for the Chadar Trek

A remarkable and difficult journey through the frozen Zanskar River in the centre of Ladakh is the Chadar Trek, often known as the blanket route.

Review of the package:

Travelling to Ladakh, India

Timeframe: 9 days

Difficulty: Very difficult

High Trek is a risk factor.

Highlights:

• Frozen Zanskar River: During the harsh winter, walk on the frozen Zanskar River to experience the bizarre feeling of traversing a sheet of ice.

Majestic Mountain Views: Take in the breathtaking views of the surrounding majestic mountains, their snow-covered peaks lit up by the sun's golden rays. Ultimate Adventure: Push your physical and mental limits as you complete this strenuous trek, which will test your stamina and resolve at every turn.

Our Proposal: We have painstakingly planned a comprehensive Chadar Trek expedition that includes:

1. Expert Guides: Our knowledgeable and certified guides are familiar with the special difficulties of the Chadar Trek. They'll look out for your safety, give you advice, and share insightful information about the geography, culture, and history of the area.

2.  Accommodations: To guarantee that you have a good night's sleep after each demanding day of trekking, comfortable lodgings, such as cosy guesthouses or tents, will be made available.

3.  Meals: Nutrient-rich meals made to keep you warm and energised in the bitter cold. We accommodate dietary choices and needs.

Trekking equipment of the highest calibre to ensure your comfort and safety throughout the journey.

4. Travel: Easy travel to and from Leh, the starting point of your Chadar Trek journey.

5. Permits and Fees: We take care of all required permits and admission fees, freeing you up to concentrate on completing this amazing adventure.

Safety First: We put your safety first. We supply the required safety gear, such as ropes and ice axes, and our guides are certified in wilderness first aid. To ensure a safe voyage, we do detailed risk assessments and closely monitor weather conditions.

Customization: We recognise the individuality of each adventurer. Please let us know if you have any special requests, such as wanting to stay longer or planning more activities while you're in Ladakh. We'll be happy to modify the itinerary to meet your needs.

Booking Procedure: Please let us know your desired travel dates and any specific preferences in order to reserve your spot on this extraordinary Chadar Trek excursion. We'll give you immediate access to a thorough itinerary, pricing details, and booking instructions.

With you, we are looking forward to embarking on this remarkable journey as we push the bounds of what is conceivable and make lifelong memories.

[things-to--san-diego-ca]

A Dynamic Neighborhood

Broadstone features a range of luxury apartments Little Italy is proud to offer. These include studio, 1, 2, and 3-bedroom apartments. As part of its commitment to modern living, the apartment complex provides residents with a seamless blend of convenience and connectivity. Complimentary Wi-Fi ensures high-speed internet access in communal areas. At the same time, MP3 docking stations and strategically placed USB electrical outlets offer tech-savvy solutions for entertainment and productivity.

Beyond the apartments, the vibrant neighborhood of Little Italy beckons with its eclectic dining scene, cultural attractions, and waterfront charm. Broadstone Little Italy provides the perfect backdrop for a sophisticated urban lifestyle, where residents can enjoy this dynamic neighborhood's luxury and energy.

The Livability of San Diego, California

San Diego offers exceptional livability with its Mediterranean climate, beautiful beaches, and various recreational activities. The city's diverse neighborhoods cater to various preferences, from bustling urban areas to tranquil coastal communities. Boasting a strong job market, particularly in the technology and biotech sectors, the region provides ample career opportunities. San Diego's renowned cultural scene includes museums, theaters, and year-round festivals. The city prioritizes education, with renowned universities and excellent schools. While the cost of living can be high, the overall quality of life, access to healthcare, and abundant outdoor and cultural amenities make San Diego a desirable place to live.

San Diego Zoo

The San Diego Zoo is among the world's most renowned and expansive zoological parks. Established in 1916, it spans 100 acres and is home to over 12,000 animals, representing more than 650 species and subspecies. The zoo is celebrated for its dedication to conservation, education, and research. It actively participates in numerous breeding and conservation programs for endangered species.

Visitors can explore the zoo's diverse habitats, including the African Plains, Panda Canyon, and Elephant Odyssey, offering up-close encounters with creatures from around the globe. The zoo's commitment to providing naturalistic enclosures and immersive experiences makes it a leader in animal welfare and education.

San Diego Planning Stricter Street-vendor Law

Regulating street vending is crucial for several reasons. Firstly, it ensures public safety by enforcing health and hygiene standards, preventing foodborne illnesses, and reducing fire hazards. Regulations also help manage congestion in public spaces, ensuring that sidewalks and streets remain accessible to pedestrians and emergency services.

Additionally, regulations protect consumers from fraud and unscrupulous vendors by setting pricing and quality standards. They promote fair competition among vendors and local businesses, contributing to a thriving economy. By regulating street vending, cities can also maintain the aesthetic appeal of their neighborhoods, enhancing the overall urban experience. It balances entrepreneurship and public interest, fostering safer, more vibrant, and economically stable communities.

Link to maps

San Diego Zoo 2920 Zoo Dr, San Diego, CA 92101, United States Head south on Zoo Dr 2 sec (20 ft) Continue on Zoo Pl. Take Florida Dr and I-5 N to Kettner Blvd 8 min (3.1 mi) Broadstone Little Italy 1980 Kettner Blvd, San Diego, CA 92101, United States

[rozadoesit]

"Fragmented, but still successfully constructed" - A Review of In Pieces by Chlöe

by La Roza Negra (They/She)

Before we begin, I want to address the elephant in the room, as she’s my cousin, and as a fellow big bitch we both take up space so let’s get the obvious out the way:

Much like many of us listeners, I have been a longtime fan and listener of Chlöe and enjoyed her journey in music, spanning back as far as her time in the duo Chloe x Halle alongside her sister on Disney on Next Big Thing with the song, “T.M.I.” which is still in rotation in my music library to this day. However, this album is not in any way related to her time alongside her sister, and I feel if I walked into this expecting her to sound like what we've previously heard, I’d be doing myself and her a disservice.

In approaching her freshman album, I wanted to obviously give my opinions, but I also wanted to do my best to also be as objective as one can be about art. With that in mind, I will be conducting a track-by-track review of the album and scoring the songs on a 5-point basis and finalizing a total score out of 70, with a song earning a score of 5 being that I not only love it but have no suggestions, grievances, or complaints, and a score of 1 being that I not only dislike the song, I have either too many or nothing of value/interest to add to the song to make it better, I just would’ve omitted it from the album.

Now that we’ve set the stage, here we go!

1.) Someone’s Calling (Chlöe) - 5/5

The choral arrangement over the Louis Armstrong sample was a rather bold opening to the album as well as an interesting sample to play with. I may be a bit biased because of my love of jazz, but this is already a strong start, especially as someone who enjoys a story in a musical body of work. 

The greedy little child that buys a ticket for the rollercoasters that are songs in my heart by way of my ears would’ve loved for this to have a whole track as I never wanted the ride to end, however also I understand the art and importance of an introduction, so for this to be just an opening track, that’s a strong open.

2.) Pray It Away - (4/5)

When I first heard this song, I heard the censored version with the music video and I feel like that plays an integral part to my overall feelings about this song. Before I get into those details later, I want to voice a few of my feelings on the sonic elements of the song. I love the continuation of the choral elements from the introduction into this track. I even felt like I may have heard/found easter eggs in the intro that I mentioned in my live reaction thread on Twitter:

What’s more, having kept up with the journey on TikTok again like many others, I absolutely adore the choice to use an actual choir for the background vocals. My only grievance about the sounds is I’ve noticed that there’s a biting of words that’s happening while singing and/or mixing that’s affecting the experience of the song for me, like in the line, “if the option’s violence, don’t make me choose it,” there is word salad happening at the end of that line with the articulation giving us instead “…don’t make me chew it” and I have to candidly say, I just don’t like it.

As aforementioned, I started with the censored version, and aside from the fact that this line didn’t make as much sense in my opinion for the clean adaptation, “Should’ve let him leave on me….” which made me physically frown up my face because I just knew in that moment it was not an actual intentionally recorded radio version but instead a quick clean substitution, there was a poetry in the opening lines of that version painting me an image of her anguish and distress not only going through the breakup and healing process but coming to grips that she’s upset with herself too & turning to God as a last resort since she’s all out of healthy options that really resonated with me. 

It authentically felt like the grieving of a breakup, and much like actual grieving it wasn’t a perfect journey cycling though anger, denial, depression, etc. and back again in no particular order. In light of learning the lyrics, it doesn’t change my understanding of the song but it does feel as though it sits in a state of anger/rage and pivots out but turns right back into it. The pain is still evident but “I just learned to hate from him” feels more manic than the distraught feeling I initially thought when I consumed the lyrics as “I just wanna hear from him.” (We’ll circle back to this though.)

With all of that in mind, it somewhat blindsided me to realize that the uncensored version of the song a.) didn’t have that same beloved poetic opening, providing a very different experience of the song as it led with rage instead of pain, and b.) it didn’t feel like it had the same candor or range of articulation the censored version did. There’s only about 10-20 words max difference between the two versions but they’re almost two different songs because of those small differences.

Listening to the uncensored version for a second time sans the shock value, I did detect lyrical nuances between the different “fuck niggas,” essentially digesting it as a full sentence and series of different emotions instead of the repetition of the same phrase. I interpreted it as,

“Fuck [this] nigga! [This] Fuck[-ing bitch ass] nigga[‘s really a] Fuck Nigga.” 

With that interpretation in mind, and the knowledge of the actual lyrics instead of my misheard lyrics, “I just wanna hear from a fuck nigga,” in the song, there’s a “New Achievement Unlocked: Hatred” banner that cartoonishly appeared in front of her in my mind versus the deep gut-wrenching stabbing that came with the misheard lyrics that she needed to “…hear from the Fuck Nigga” but either way the resolution of the song leads me to believe she’s seeking closure. In my mind though, the most perfect version of this song is a combination of the two versions.

If it isn't apparent, this is my favorite song on the album

3.) Body Do - 5/5

…and CLOSURE WE’VE REACHED!! I had a feeling it was coming and I was right. 

What I will say is, while I may not have ANY problems with this dance track because I am living my best life as this song is playing, especially cause this has to be my favorite interpretation of the late night “u up” text, two things:

 1.) If you ever have to ask or wonder if your man is doing right or who’s fucking your man even *remotely*, it’s safe to say your intuition is onto something and that’s probably not your man. COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR PARTNER, have a conversation & get a confirmation before acting, and then really sit and do the math. If the figurative numbers ain’t adding up, don’t try and find new equations or reasons to make it work, just make good choices with the wisdoms being whispered in your ear and keep going.

2.) I do just want to impress upon her the same advice I impress upon all my friends cause in case it isn’t apparent with me being all up in her grill like this, we’re friends now: Bad bitches don’t backslide. 

It’s a phrase I consistently remind myself and all my friends when considering looking back in love, even for lust and carnality or friendship. When you look back, you consider turning back, and getting over someone is an uphill battle that only takes a little bit of effort to fail but requires so much to succeed. No manner of fucking, loving, helping, caring, flexing, etc. will fix a fucked up situation so just move on without collecting any extra scrapes and bruises.

4.) I Don’t Mind - 5/5

I love that we are getting to see Chlöe play with her voice over a variety of different genres and seeing her approach to them. I’ve gotta be honest and say while this is a more than welcomed surprise, I would’ve much preferred this song to Body Do as one of the 5 album visuals. Afrobeats are in no way new however I always love to see more and more tracks in the main/public eye featuring them because it’s adding so much to the zeitgeist with regards to Pan-African cultures and music as a whole.

Now we’ve got the music out the way, MA’AM WHAT DID I JUST TELL YOU LAST SONG?!? BAD BITCHES DON’T BACKSLIDE!! What’s more, you’re admitting that as much control as you may have over his body and the space you take up in his head, he’s not yours. I say this with love: put the clown shoes away sis, we’re getting secondhand embarrassment. 

This body is rocking to this damn song though, you put crack in it, or something!

5.) Worried - 3.5/5

We’ve started the healing and moving on process and it sounds so damn good. Hopped in that SZA bag with it too, 

“If you spend all the time you spend on me on yourself, then you’ll get peace of mind— you could be somebody else.”

Ooh I need that on a T-Shirt or something, I got shivers. You see how you ate that up?!?

My only problem is, and it’s a big one now that it’s become a recurring issue: your words. The lyrics to this song are so nice and you’re really saying what needs to be said to so many of us and to you as well, which is why I imagine you wrote it. This is a great exemplar of your growth as well as the hope for healing and capacity to forgive you have in your heart.

The problem is, you’re singing in that same Wingdings ass font SZA does where without going to learn the lyrics to love the song like we should, we’re listening, catching snippets, bits, & pieces, and then for the rest of the song we’re being carried by the beat until we get to Genius or something.

Sing these new lyrics with me to the chorus of this song:

You can on-ly 

Fit so ma-ny

Syl-lab-les in 

A song, Chlö-e

I sense excitement and eagerness in this song, and I don’t want you to think I’m just picking on you or tryna drag you cause I love the song all grievances aside. I’d also even love the opportunity to write & work with you, as there’s so much that I can and do learn from you musically. However, I also feel like because of how talented you are this feels like a rudimentary mistake, and I’d be remiss if I didn’t say it cause I want you to be one of the best there is and ever was.

6.) Fallin 4 U - 5/5

I feel like the art of sequencing, segue, pivot, and transition has been lost in album construction. I cannot say that is something you struggle with at all. I have no complaints, and I’m also the biggest advocate for making interludes if for no other reason than as a buffer between songs because you may have songs in mind but getting from Point A to Point B either in sound or concept is muddy or foggy and could be easier navigated for best results sonically and aesthetically.

7.) How Does It Feel - 1/5

I love the callback to both Usher and Dionne Warwick with the sample, as well as the definitive stamp that this is an R&B track which comes with the sample choice. What I don’t love is that this feels like it’s two different songs and more importantly, it doesn’t sound like it’s your song. Your verse sounds like it belongs on a different version of this track but in context with the whole piece, it just sounds out of place and lackluster which is a shame because you’ve had very strong momentum coming so far. 

As for your featured artist, Chris Brown does a lot of things, none of which I will get into because this is not about him but just know sounding bad & not being in his bag musically are not on that list. To that end, he’s had a career for just about if not the full duration of both our full lives cause you and I are the same age Chlöe. He and his team have honed and perfected his signature sound.

In direct contrast, you being juxtaposed in opposition to him as you’re just starting your solo career, distinguishing yourself as an artist apart from your sister, playing with a range of sounds on this project, and building up all that aforementioned momentum, you just failed to deliver next to this vet. 

For next steps, I feel like we've gotta go back to the lab, both because I feel like a solo version would be a great idea for your fanbase as they were highly upset with the featured artist, and because I also feel like you have to come harder on the solo version that I suspect will likely be on the deluxe edition.

This song deserves redemption from all the potential it had and execution it didn’t receive.

8.) Feel Me Cry - 4.5/5

I don’t know how I feel about this song coming off of the heels of the last one but as a track in general, I feel like we’re toeing into ballad territory and I like it because I feel like you can really excel there as a Cancer. 

Aside from the transition, the only reason I shaved off .5 from the points is because it felt like it was needing a little bit of flavor, though I may just be being nitpicky. I would’ve loved if it was a bit more rock-infused or something.

9.) Make It Look Easy - 5/5

The openness expressed in this song is a reminder to all that there is an expiration date on sanity, peace, wellness, and more. I’d be lying if I didn’t say once I realized what the song was about & recalled how much bullshit you’ve endured from even as far back as the performance of Nina Simone’s “Feeling Good” which is regarded as a Black community staple soul song, with consideration that to its core it’s a song of liberation for Nina and subsequently any performers henceforth (i.e. Ms. Lauryn Hill). 

Yet most everyone who considered themselves a supporter or enjoyer of you as a performer and entertainer from Chloe X Halle allowed you the opportunity to feel anything but liberation. I can only imagine it showed up as things like: scrutiny, degradation, shame, objectification… the list goes on, because I would be a fool to try and tell you what you were feeling but I can only imagine.

I have to wonder why a lot of those feelings and sentiments over the course of these two years weren’t dropped on this song? We’ve gotten the understanding that you did it all for love with the album’s discography so far but I have to wonder why you didn’t dig deeper. Not in a criticizing way, I just wonder if this was the most catharsis you could’ve received from this song especially with a golden opportunity to respond finally to all the bullshit on your own platform and your own terms instead of interview questions and such. 

Though, if I’m honest my dear sister sign, if you’re anything like your Capricorn sibling here, it will likely have hurt more to release it all because you’d have to purge a wound that’s started healing.

10.) Looze U - 5/5

If anyone who has been in a love that didn’t last before is being absolutely honest, there’s an element of this song that resonates with everyone. 

It reaches those who had puppy love where you know nothing of how love works because it’s your first go round on the carousel and it’s all fire and feelings with little logic and it burns out fast like a firecracker. Those who left prematurely and spent all their time looking for the person they loved in everyone but them be it for pride, for humiliation, or whatever the reason. Those who stuck it out and tried to sit in and stick out a relationship way too long and ended up hating the person they once loved but can’t fathom them not being there because that’s all they’ve known for so long. Those who conflated the feeling of their partner’s pleasure and touch or the environment created around them to be love like a drug: It hurts sometimes but it hurts so good when the high kicks in, so we do it again.

There’s something for everyone, and I wonder which one you are, or if you’re one I didn’t mention? Cause there are obviously more.

11.) Told Ya (ft. Missy Elliot) - 4.5/5

First of all, you bagged a Missy feature. I do feel like she’s much more user-friendly than your previous feature, especially if you’re not dancing. She’s like Whitney in the way that she likes fostering the new waves in music and fucks with the kids to come in a way a lot of artists aren’t despite their best attempts: she meets people where they are and matches the energy while still never failing to be 100% Missy. It’s one of the many things I love about her. 

As for the song itself, the beginning was a rollercoaster of, “Aye pop ya shit friend,” and, “Girl what the hell is this?” It got up to a slow start with those— ya know I can’t say I know what they actually called but for lack of words, I’ll say the vocal drags. However, I’d be lying if the start didn’t make me even more tentative because I wanted to know what was going on with the song and it made me love the song so much more because I was tuned all the way in when you went the fuck off. It immediately got more and more intricate and not just intricate but also each phase of the song was not like the previous or the next. Then that switch up in the verse after Missy’s is like a whole different song within a song and I LOVE IT. 

I appreciate you keeping it in the song though because if you had made it a reprise or “Told Ya Pt. 2”, we would be having a very different conversation. One very similar to that of Taraji to Jill. It will never be long enough and yet I still need more.

12.) Cheatback (ft. Future) - 5/5

First of all, country girl? Secondly TOXIC Country. Yeah, you got me. The fact that the entire song is set simply to a few acoustic guitar chords and the performance of this song is what’s playing it up. This is what I was looking for lyrically & in delivery on “Worried” and “How Does It Feel” because I knew you and your team had it. 

Future rapping over this guitar had me in stitches when I first heard it, and I’d be a lie if I didn’t say I had to watch this back a COUPLE times cause the song itself is just unexpected for him to be on especially how adventurous and slightly camp the overall experience of the song is. The message in his verse makes vengeance feel like vindication though, especially with his reputation as a toxic king, cause his response to all the crazy shit you’re saying is, “You got it, I see you ma. Do ya thing,” and I just feel like the only appropriate reply is a silent wink in his direction as I ride off on a dirt road into the sunset.

13.) Heart On My Sleeve - 5/5

See I knew I was gonna have my Taraji moment. 

WHERE’S THE REST OF IT?!? That's all, I just want more.

14.) In Pieces - 5/5

The titular track. The decision to close the album with single instrument arrangements (even with the perhaps unintentionally comedic elements of “Cheatback”) and really put that pen to work did volumes for the journey we’ve had. Truly amazing close to the adventure that was this album. You truly did it all for love and it’s more than evident that you loved hard. 

This one cracked me and I dropped a couple hot ones reflecting back in love and that special kind of emptiness that loving someone and having to not only lose them but feeling their absence in every breath, every obscure memory, every trivial task. A love like that just doesn’t go away ever and while you may heal from someone, you never stop feeling their absence cause you’re truly bonded.

This has been, In Pieces by Chlöe. 

Final Score: 62.5/70, which is about a 90%

I’m comfortable and confident in that grade, giving this an A- feels right— though it is an A-.

She really gave us a body of work instead of a collection of songs, and I feel like for that alone this album earned that grade. Even with my harsh takes, there were no skips for me personally except “How Does It Feel” but I patiently away the solo version of full version because I know there has to be another version somewhere.

[lostnct23]

When the Time is Right

Pairing: Jaehyun x Reader Word count:9k+ Summary: You and Jaehyun knew from the very beginning that you were never the conventional type. Was it really love that made you push through? Or your ignorance and denial? Warning: Cursing, death of a loved ones

Genre: Angst, ex-lovers to lovers, fluff, Idol AU Disclaimer: This is a pure fiction. There’s is no way that the portrayal of the artist’s character mirrors the artist’s actual true self

A/N: Please do not repost this other on social media platforms without the consent of the author. Feedback is always appreciated and if you have any requests or scenarios in mind, I’d be more than willing to entertain your ideas. 

All rights reserved.

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From the very beginning, it was known to the both of you how complicated the nature of your relationship was. But for you and Jaehyun, it doesn't matter. For the span of 3 years and a half, you both established a strong relationship that stands firm despite facing many difficult milestones. However, there was one big elephant in the room that you both refuse to acknowledge for the whole duration of your relationship.

It was not a secret that Jaehyun is a family-oriented guy, he wanted to establish his own family, get married, and have kids of his own. You, however, are a strong independent woman, who never once, even when you were a kid, had the same dream as your other female friends of getting married and starting your own family. In fact, as you hit puberty, you always told yourself that you have no problem of growing old alone. So you never entertained the thought of marriage as well. Although, you also say that it's not that you despise the idea of matrimony, or you vow to never participate in it. It's just that, it's an ideal and a vision that you don't see yourself with, nor something that you are eager to have.

Of course, when you met Jaehyun, considering the nature of his job and your own, both of you have been clear to each other that you would take things easy and slowly, not worry over things that are not yet present. Both of you are happy that you have established your relationship for this long, however, none of you had seen it to have come this far; not that any of you wanted it to end shortly. It just so happens that you are now approaching the uncertainty stage of your relationship, one which none of you was prepared to deal with. And as for what is planned, you both said to just confront the tide once it's on the shore.

Jaehyun for some time now starts to consider the idea of marriage. And you start to dread that a moment will come when Jaehyun will finally take the courage to pop the question. It's not that you don't want to marry him—but, you and he were like two peas that came from a completely different bud. You have a firm principle and deeply value your roots, and Jaehyun is a determined guy with a clear vision of what he wants.

It seems like both of you are starting to think of the future that you forget to acknowledge the present. A present where you failed to notice that it was drawing the both of you far from one another—more than ever before.

"My mom wanted us to visit this holiday, we're having a getaway together and she told me to bring you along," Jaehyun said one night when the both of you finally get to share a meal after a month of unfit schedules. When Jaehyun comes home, you are already asleep or in the comfort of your working space—cannot be disturbed. Or when you come home on weekend Jaehyun is drop dead asleep from a long week of extensive training and practice. If it was any situation before, none of this would bother the both of you, you respected each other's space, and you also value each other's rest. However, this time, it created some sort of distance between the two of you, none of which you both want to acknowledge, assuming that it was just intrusive destructive thinking. In reality, it's really creating a gap between the two of you, because the space wasn't just the issue, it was the looming what-ifs and anticipation of the near future and its uncertainties— a future that the one is dreading to confront, and the one was eager to pull closer.

You look at Jaehyun, and for an unknown reason, an irritation bubbled in your chest, you don't know why all of the sudden you were so sensitive at the mention of a family gathering. Again, it wasn't because you don't want to spend time with Jaehyun, or his family, it was because you wanted to spend time with YOUR family too. "But I wanted to meet my family this weekend too" you answered.

"Oh, that's fine, we are going home next weekend anyway, not this weekend," he said nonchalantly and you grow more irritated as more seconds passed by.

"Jae, you don't get it, I said I am going home this weekend, I already told you about this before," you said, now irritation evident in your voice. "Woah, chill babe, I said we can go home right after you come back, what's the issue?" Jaehyun stated confuse at your subtle outburst.

"Oh my god Jae," you said standing up, Jaehyun was utterly lost at your unexplained change of character.

"I can't come home by the next weekend, my family is right across the globe from where we are now, and I am visiting for a month!" You said frustrated, and you are getting more frustrated because you don't know why this is riling you up so much at the moment. "And here I thought we already go through this" Jaehyun gave you a "what?" look as if not understanding a single thing that you were saying. "Now I am gonna look bad in the eyes of your family, they are gonna think how incompetent and inconsiderate person I am to ditch you and just go completely MIA" you stated more clearly.

"Oh," he said as if realization had just hit him. "Can't you just come home right before the holiday? I can ask mom to like, I don't know, maybe have the getaway together a little bit later so you still have time to come back?" He offered, but the only thing ringing in your ear is the first statement, which pisses you beyond what you can comprehend. You see, when you're mad, you opt to shut your mouth, because the moment you let it speak on its own, only nasty things come out, even the ones you don't even mean. It has thought of its own. So when you feel like your mouth is gonna run on its own, you take it as a cue to leave the scene and isolate yourself.

Jaehyun, however, was left so confuse and also agitation grew at the peak of his stomach. He doesn't like it one bit when he feels like he's being treated unfairly for a reason that is unknown to him, why are you so mad? Then like a venom mixed in a clear water, an ugly thought spoiled his rational thinking, don't you want to spend time with his family? What's with the sudden unreasonable outburst?

A day goes by where you purposely avoided Jaehyun, only quick byes and bid of farewell informing one another that one is going for work or one is already home. That is the only exchanged and shared for the past couple of days. Jaehyun notice your blatant effort of avoiding him, so he tried to be the bigger person and try to understand that maybe work is stressing you out, and maybe that's what's making you more sensitive than usual. He gave you the space the he thought you need. But a problem between a couple is meant to be addressed, not something to be avoided. You always believe that once someone get used to the space in between will eventually get used to it, then later on be comfortable with it. The thought that Jaehyun was so fine with the space that you are creating between the two of you, the lack of effort you see him making in order to bring you closer makes you upset and angrier each day. Maybe he's fine with us not being fine. Another vile thought that spoilt one's rational reasoning.

Another day, another brick is added to the wall that is slowly climbing its way between the two of you, and as the day goes by, it seems like pride is taking over the race. No one wants to back down. No one realizes that none of you is going to be the winner of this futile game, and even if one wins, both failed to realized that it's still a loss for both ends.

Your scheduled  flight back to your hometown is slowly approaching and the night that you were packing your belongings is the day Jaehyun decided that the silence were enough. Whatever this unpleasant that's been looming this past few days were enough. It must come to and end. "Are you sure you can't come to the holiday getaway" Jaehyun carefully approached you. You hummed not in a mood to create more foul interaction between the two of you. These days, Jaehyun felt like he was walking on an eggshell, always on the edge. You on the other hand felt like in each passing day, a thorn is growing in you, and you kept distancing yourself afraid of hurting others.

"Are we ok?" Jaehyun attempted to invoke more prominent reaction from you, a clearer assurance that you are still fine. "Hmm" you replied again. Jaehyun's patience is growing thinner and thinner as second pass by. And he is a patient man.

"Then what is happening to us" that seems to do the trick because you finally looked up and bring you gaze at him. Both of you searching each other's eyes, looking for the rawest emotion one's soul could offer and show.

"What do you mean what is happening to us?" Jaehyun scoff. "Oh please, don't act as if there's nothing wrong because CLEARLY THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG"

"Then why don't you tell me what is that something wrong then, huh, Jaehyun? What is something wrong in this RELATIONSHIP?!"

"You are clearly avoiding me"

"And you are clearly completely fine with that!"

"What do you mean by that?!"

"I was waiting for you to come to me all this time! But no, you refuse to for once lower your self and pride and come to me! You were fine with me ignoring you! Doing nothing about it at all!"

"I thought you wanted space! So I gave you space! Is it so wrong of me to respect that?!"

"When and where did I say that?! I want you to come to me Jae, I wanted you to ask me what's wrong, what was I feeling, what was my worries! But no! I have to dealt with it ALONE! AGAIN!"

"How am I supposed to know that when you never said anything! I would of have done something if I know it! God dammit!"

"Don't you dare curse at me!" You shouted.

"I wasn't cursing at you, I was frustrated at the situation there's a clear fucking difference!" Jaehyun retaliated in his defense.

"Pft" you scoff  "Why if I asked you to come with me, would you actually agree?" You dared to ask. One question that has been looming in your mind for the longest time now. You've spent numerous times with Jaehyun's family on many occasions, however, since your family was further, you rarely come home, they only heard about Jaehyun but never met the man himself. You told them that sooner or later you are going to bring him to your hometown to formally introduce him in person, but Jaehyun is busy, and it has always been your worry if he would willingly come to you and meet your family— one that is completely different from his own. It was no secret that Jaehyun and you, despite meeting each other and falling in love, both came from very different backgrounds.

Jaehyun was silent for a moment, actually contemplating how to properly formulate an answer. "You want me to come with you?" He meant that as a genuinely curious question but it came out completely differently to you.

"Yeah, of course, I want to, but would you actually come?"

"I— uh... why..." Jaehyun becomes a stuttering mess. Jaehyun of course would want to finally meet your family, but your proposal was so sudden, he made plans already, and he was also busy, he was not mentally and physically prepared, and to him, it felt like it was not the right time yet.

His broken answer brought your heart into shattered pieces.

"That what I thought" you spat. And Jaehyun took offense in your statement.

"What do you mean by that's what you thought?" Jaehyun sound genuinely upset and hurt by your remark.

"It's is exactly what it sound it is, Jaehyun" what you are feeling right now is anger mix with sadness and disappointment—and it never fails to be evident in your voice.

"You wouldn't actually come with me if I ask you to"

"Of course I would, it's just that—"

"Stop lying Jae, and please don't even make an excuse out of it" Jaehyun was hurt, like as if a knife is being stab at his gut with the thought that you think he doesn't love you enough to be ready to meet your family, actually if you ask him now again he would drop anything and go with you, if that's what it take for him to prove to you the extent that he is willing to take to show how much he loves you.

"I'm not lying, of course I want to meet your family, if you want, we can both go home to your family, spend your whole leave with them. If—if that's what you want" he offered but you just shook your head. As much as how tempting the idea was, in your perspective, you put Jaehyun in a compromising situation where he is pressured to conform to you. 

"You don't have to say that just because you're pressured"

"Babe what? No... of course not, babe oh my— please look at me, I can call my manager right now, yeah? Maybe I can ask for a leave? Hmm?" He said grabbing both of your shoulder trying to meet you gaze but you refuse. "Well I don't think I can spend the whole month like you, but I am sure I can spend at least a week, yeah? Sounds nice?" But Jaehyun was shock when a tear fell from your eyes. Never in his wildest dream have he thought of seeing you crying like this, looking so heartbroken, and much less, him causing it. It breaks him.

All these years there was this pent-up anticipation that tails wherever you are. It's like a shadow that refuses to leave you, it's one of your companions that restrained you from indulging in a relationship, all until Jaehyun came. Jaehyun whom for once made you ponder the idea of marriage, made you see it in light of where it appears like a dream. He made the idea of it so beautiful. And it leaves a bittersweet taste.

You grab both of his hands on your shoulder and drag it, detaching it from yours. You then solemnly look into his eyes and finally, in the span of the 3 years and a half you shared with him, you deemed that you can no longer ignore the elephant in the room.

"The first time we met each other you were like a fever dream Jae, just from that moment I already knew we were from completely different worlds. And despite the complexities of our relationship we both overcome every single milestone, crazy, right? I know that you know, and we are both cowards and ignorant not to acknowledge one of the biggest things in this relationship that is a must to consider, I can't come to your world Jae. I have my own established one, you always say that you admire my firm principle and beliefs, my whole being and character, and that rooted from where I came from, and I will always stay and come back from where I am from— and you, you are a free soul." You don't have to say it, "you are not meant to be bound in one place, much less, my world" your eyes can speak for it, and you know, deep in your heart that he understands what you meant, he understands what's your lingering unsaid question was "would you risk it? Would you defy the oddness of this relationship? Will you come to me?" And for once, Jaehyun finally felt the shake of your once was established relationship. He understands the gravity of your words. And it shatters him because he himself can't give an answer to himself, much more to you.

But even at that moment, you still held a slight hope in what you had, a moment of cowardliness washed you, and you chose to play stupid and blind for the last time because after all, 3 years must have weight something right? It must have a great value, right?

You actually don't know at this point.

"It's already night Jae, I am tired, let's just rest now" your words held more meaning than what you both wanted them to be, but both of you know you can no longer do anything more about the situation. Maybe you coming home was a good idea, after all, coming home without a Jaehyun will be a breather since whatever you still have left now is suffocating, and you know, somehow, he thinks the same.

Jaehyun that night, despite his desperate call for drowsiness, it didn't visit him. In the dim light coming from the moon, he looked at your figure, now peacefully fast asleep, he can still see, despite the lack of brightness in the room the tear strain on your face. You were crying the whole time of your confrontation with one another.

Jaehyun's mind brought him to his idea of marriage with you. He's not going to lie, one of the reasons why he's also adamant about making you come home before their family getaway was because he was ready to propose to you. He already talked to his parents about his plan and his parents were nothing but supportive, however, Jaehyun was disappointed, not with you but with himself. He failed to realize that he had never met your own family yet, and now, he already has this whole idea of a future with you, all without a reconsideration of what you might feel, want, and need. You mention it once in a while before that it would be nice if he could meet them in person one of these days, and Jaehyun always said and promised that soon he would, once his schedule allows him to. But the perfect timing never seems to come. And now, look at where the situation has brought the two of you.

Now that he thinks of it, what would your family think of his idea of a future with you, would they allow it, would you want it? Your answer seems to lie in your confession earlier that night though, but he refuses for it to be the definitive closure of your relationship. After all, 3 years would hold and withstand more than this, right?

His idea of the near future seems to slip farther than what he deems. All this loomed in Jaehyun's mind until finally, his own subconscious won over him that night, but before he could fully close his eyes, he was determined to make amends before you part ways tomorrow.

The said tomorrow came sooner than what Jaehyun expected, when he woke up, you are no longer at his bedside, and he slightly panicked by your absence. He was only brought back to comfort once he heard some plate cluttering outside the room, he quickly got up and check for himself, and thank God, you are still in the apartment seemingly preparing breakfast.

"Good morning," said Jaehyun, making his presence known. You were caught a little off guard by his sudden appearance but quickly regain your composure once you saw it was him.

"Oh hi, good morning" you said

"Breakfast is ready"

"Why you didn't wake me up?" He asked, you only shrugged and told him that he was peacefully sleeping and you can't find it in your conscience to disrupt his slumber. Oh only if you know how Jaehyun badly wanted to cut short his slumber due to the unwanted dreams that played with him in that sleep, but he made no comment about it.

"What time is your flight?"

"I have to be in the airport by 9:00 AM since it's an international flight"

Jaehyun look at the clock and it was already 8:10 in the morning.

"Don't worry, it only takes me 5 minutes to get ready" he said devouring his breakfast as fast as he could.

"You don't have to come with me though, Mark texted me you have schedule by 10, you should rest until then"

"No, I wanted to accompany you to the airport, and I'll still have time to go back to the studio on time" you were about to protest and Jaehyun saw it coming.

"Please, I know what happened last night wasn't really how we wanted it to be, and I must admit, it wasn't pleasant, even in one bit, but I can't part with you like this, and you're staying there for a whole month." You looked like you were about to say something but Jaehyun is too afraid of what it must be, so he quickly got up and proceed to your shared bedroom and took a quick shower.

Jaehyun can feel it, he was so sure about it that he hates it, and he is in denial. He knows what is about to come but both of you were cowards and both were delaying your impending doom. So Jaehyun, with all his might, gathered his shit after breaking down for a good 3 minutes or so in the shower. There must be a way, there has to be a way.

In the airport, before you part ways, that's when you allow for the time bomb to start its time from ticking because there's no way the both of you can stop it. One must do something before it becomes more destructive than it already was.

You both look at each other, Jaehyun holding you close, hugging you so tight that you are convinced he is not going to let you go, you have to remind him that he still has a schedule after this.

"I don't care, I don't want to let you go" he sobbed, he didn't even fight the heavy tears from falling down. He was pouring his heart and soul as if it would do some magic and it would bring you back to where you were used to.

"Jae, come on, don't make this hard for the both of us, I'm still coming back next month" you try to comfort him, but you both know nothing would be the same even after then.

"Stop lying, 재발 (chebal)" he cried once more

"Please, don't go, yeah? Please, don't let me go, I beg you y/n, we can find a way to this hm? Like we always do? Please, just please, not like this" Jaehyun knows in his heart, that he was just holding a shell of what you were both used to. You were also a crying mess. You so badly don't want to make this complicated but you were selfish, and Jaehyun being one of the best things to ever happen to you, holding you like this, begging you like this, makes you foolish.

"I love you y/n, you hear me? I love you so much" Jaehyun proclaims, holding your face and yeah, you believe him, because you know he does, and you do too, but sometimes love is not enough, at least not in your story—not this time.

"I love you too Jae," you said, tears falling into your eyes like a waterfall, but the way you proclaim your love seems more like a farewell than a proclamation, and Jaehyun can't have that. Jaehyun can't accept that.

"Then let's get married," he said out of the blue, his sudden proposal shook you, broke you out of your trance.

"What?" You asked perplexed, for a moment you thought he was just speaking only under the influence of his emotion. That this is out of desperation, but Jaehyun took out a small box from his jacket's pocket and opened it, it revealed a beautiful ring. In other situations, you would be overjoyed, but it was the complication of this thing that brought you to this whole ordeal.

You were left speechless.

"Jae—"

"I was meant to propose to you during the holiday getaway, but we both know that can't happen now, so let's just do it now, here, hmm? It doesn't matter, right? I planned the whole thing, and in my head, it was way better than a skimpy airport hallway, but it doesn't matter, we can do this again, in a better setting, what's important is you say stay and say yes, right?" He sounds so hopeful, and desperate at the same time as if he's convincing himself more than he is convincing you to marry him.

You can't help but cry, it hurts, so bad. It was excruciating. You said "I love you" so many times and repeated it like a mantra. 

You gave Jaehyun the tightest hug you could ever muster, and for a moment the delirious part of Jaehyun's being thought of this the other way than it is, but he is smarter than that, so a sob found its way again "y/n, please? Hmm? I promise I'll be better, I swear I will try my best not to make you regret it, just please, please, marry me?" He sobbed, all of this was said in between sobs that it breaks your heart. You can't find it in yourself to shatter him more than how he was at that moment. So you lied.

"When I come back, let's talk about this again , for now, let me go"

Even Jaehyun knew, you knew that he knew, but both of your were selfish, and so, he held into that spec of hope, he was desperate to keep you and so, he let you go.

You part ways proclaiming how much you love each other. And you love Jaehyun so much, that you are willingly letting him go as well.

When you and Jaehyun part that day, you both agreed that your time spent away from each other should be spent to ponder things carefully. Give each other space and time, that it should allow both of you to focus on yourselves.

That was already 2 years ago.

Of course, Jaehyun and you met after you came back from your hometown, but it took you longer than the one month you expected. Instead of one month's stay, you spend 6 months in order to take care of your sick father. You resigned from your job and decided to work locally in the meantime in order to focus on taking care of your father. But it was an unfortunate time in your life, you lose the love of your life, and you lose another man in your life, which is your dad. After his funeral, you quickly came back to Seoul and met with Jaehyun, surprisingly he was doing well, and you were happy. You were happy for him.

Both of you finally accepted the reality of your situation, it was a mutual decision that indeed, it was better to cut things already, since it seems like there was only a certain extent for your relationship to reach. Unfortunately, Jaehyun wants more than what your relationship can offer, and you can't give that. And you knew you deserve as well more than what your relationship was and wanted more than what it was demanding. Despite all of that, you were happy.

Even though your relationship with Jaehyun ends, you were happy with the memory you shared, you were happy because Jaehyun made you feel and want things you thought you would never be interested in. Jaehyun gave you the chance to be like every other girl, to experience every girl's dream of being giddy to wear a beautiful white gown and walk down an aisle.

But you were happy now, working in a huge business firm, pursuing expanding your career like how you have always dreamt it to be.

You and him part ways with good wishes to each other. You wished for him to find the happiness that he wants in the form of a family he always wanted to create, and he wished for you as well happiness in whatever your heart desires to pursue. And you believe, you did find yours.

But, sometimes, in the middle of the night, an occasion you can't avoid, the thought of Jaehyun creating a family—one which is not yours and his, feels like a jab to your stomach, a pinch to your heart that you always have to remind yourself that love shouldn't be selfish. If he is capable to give you a genuine wish to be happy, then you should be able to give him one too, he at least deserves that. After all, you broke his heart as much as how he broke yours, it only seems right.

So when you saw him one night, in the middle of the crowded venue, holding someone by their waist, happily chatting with some of his friends, you can only swallow the lump in your throat. You don't deserve to wince when you felt your heart literally ache, when your eyes met, all you can ever do is offer him the most genuine smile you could muster; and raise a toast as if to congratulate him—then gulp the champagne in one go. You didn't dare to look back in his direction after that, quickly raising yourself from where you are seated, carefully tucking your silver dress, and walking out of the venue. Called a taxi and go home.

Jaehyun were petrified in his spot when your eyes met, you were at least 10 meters in distance yet he felt as if you were just at an arms reach. Too close yet too far. When you smiled at him, his world literally stopped. He can't hear anything, for a moment everything were in silence and his focus were only on you.

You still look as beautiful as how he remembers. When he saw you, he thought he was hallucinating, but no, you were there, and you were smiling at him, offering him a toast like how an old friend would greet one another, but you were not an old friend, you were a former lover—unfortunately. You were radiating and oozing with confidence, you look regal in the dress you were wearing, oh how Jaehyun wishes he was right beside you, holding you proudly in his arms.

He was only brought out of his trance once he saw you getting up and started walking away from the venue. He panicked, he haven't seen you for so long and now you were leaving already?

"Jaehyun are you ok?" Asked the woman he was holding, the tap in his shoulder woke him up even more. He then realizes the situation, the look you gave him, the situation and position that he was in.

Memories of what happened two years ago played in his mind like an old movie on a replay.

"I wish you find a woman you're completely compatible with Jae, one that can give you the family that you have always wanted, and I am sorry that of all the things that a lover can lack, I lack the capability of giving you that one"

"Don't say that, you were perfect y/n, you have always been good and patient to me and I couldn't ask for more"

"But you wanted more, and I know that, and you shouldn't feel bad for wanting that. It's a beautiful thing to want to start a family of your own, have children of your own, and I am more than fluttered that for a moment, you thought that I am fitted to fulfill that dream with you. Oh, Jae, I would have loved to, even though it's not something that I have always dreamt of like you, or like the girls like me, I would want nothing but to fulfill that dream with you, but unfortunately, in this life, we can't." You said sadly.

"We tried though, right?" You said bitterly and Jaehyun could only nod.

"We tried" he said

"Yeah, we tried, so hard, but you know, my family won't allow me to marry you unless I completely take you from where you are, and I can't just take you from your family, your friends, and your career. If I were to have a child, they would want them to have the same childhood that I had, the same values that I have, and allow him to grow in the same environment that I had, and we can't have that right?" It was a painful reality.

"But I wish you find someone you can have that with" you uttered with the utmost sincerity.

"With all my heart"

Jaehyun then look at the pregnant woman he was holding, and he can't explain the growing sickness in his stomach. He felt like he was just caught cheating, even though he was a single man. The look you gave him, the toast, shit, by any chance, did you think he was now married? He doesn't know why he was so concerned about the possible misunderstanding that you must have assumed. You were no longer together, you part ways for good. But for some reason, Jaehyun never finds himself that happiness you wished for him.

Deep down, in his heart, he knew you took that happiness with you, and that's why he found himself quickly excusing him from his group of friends and his pregnant cousin, chasing you in the sea of people—looking in desperation to spot you. He never felt like this before, not at least after the moment you shared in the airport 2 years ago where he desperately clings to you. He doesn't know what got into him, he doesn't even know what he would say to you once he found you, all he knows is that he wanted you in his arm. Maybe tell you that he was still searching for that happiness you once promised that he would find.

But luck was not on his side, despite panting and running in a desperate attempt to find you, all he saw was you in the far distance, getting on a taxi and growing smaller and smaller. Despite his attempt to chase it, it was to no avail, you were gone, right before his eyes, AGAIN.

Memories of watching you enter the plane, flying off, flash before his eyes. He questions himself again, "why did I let you go that time?"

"I love you Jaehyun, and I wish more than the best for you because that's what you deserve. You made me the happiest woman for the last three years and more, and I will forever root for your own happiness as well, even in the far distance" you said giving him a tight hug.

"I love you so much that I am willingly letting you go now," you said wiping his tears and giving him your farewell kiss.

"I think for the last six months that pass where we are apart, I learned to love you less that I can now let you go" he whispers, a sad truth that you completely understand and wholeheartedly accepts. You gave him a nod to show him that. Reassure him that it was completely fine.

"I know and it's ok, it doesn't make me love you any less, and it doesn't make you deserve any less. Goodbye Jae, so long my love"

And tonight, how could he let you go for the second time.

Memory and the thought of you never left Jaehyun's mind after that night. He tried contacting you but based on the lack of response he was assuming you changed your number. When he tried calling your old number, someone pick up the phone, but it was no longer you— to his utmost disappointment.

He didn't rest from then on, he tried finding you, through past colleagues, who unfortunately no longer knew any of your whereabouts. He grew regretful, he regretted that never once did he ask what you planned to do when you part ways. As far all he knows, after your break-up you left. He assumed you were just going to take another leave but, according to your former co-workers you resigned, just a month after you go back to your hometown. 5 months earlier with your break-up with him. Even before you met that day, two years ago, the break-up was inevitable because it was already decided by you, you were bound to part ways at that time. He should've known, that you were always resolute, you stand your ground firm and you never waiver from your values. Attributes of you that he admired but at the same grew to dislike since it was also one of the things that brought your relationship to its end. Regardless of what's in the past, Jaehyun was determined to find you again.

But he was afraid. What if you were just a product of his desperate longing for you that night, or what if even if you were real, you left already, again. These are the thoughts that kept on causing him to space out a lot recently.

"Hyung, you're spacing out again," said the maknae of the group which made Jaehyun apologetic, he quickly muttered a short "sorry" and then took out his phone to at least distract his mind elsewhere. They are supposed to have a magazine photoshoot today. Jaehyun scanned the company's official site, it was new, a product of expansion which explains why it was their first time to be in the company's vicinity. Jaehyun is determined to condition himself, he can't get distracted or the client won't find their performance satisfactory. He can't jeopardize the reputation of his group just because he can't get a grip of himself. So he was so focused on distracting himself that when the elevator door opened, he failed to notice the shocked expression of his companion and the way your eyes widened, equally as shocked as them. Lucky for you, the elevator quickly closed once you took one step back.

"You said I have a meeting with the HR team right?" You quickly asked your secretary and she replied with a yes in a haze, not expecting to see the content of the current talk in the company, the photoshoot of NCT 127, a kickstart for the launching of your company's debut in the country.

You quickly grabbed her in the opposite direction seemingly not wanting to move from where she was currently standing. "I know you are a big fan, but if you want to continue working with me, you have to act more professional than this" which quickly brought her out of her trance and gave you a smart "yes ma'am." One which made you satisfied.

"Ok now let's go"

Meanwhile, on the other side, Mark is still looking blankly at his reflection in front of him, subconsciously hitting Jaehyun repeatedly "ouch, Mark, what?" Jaehyun asked slightly annoyed by the fact that Mark is distracting him from his focus to distract himself. And much more because each hit hurts more.

"Y/n" all Mark could muster. Jaehyun froze at the mention of your name, but moreover, he was confused why you were brought up out of the blue.

"Huh?"

"Y/n," Mark said in haze bringing his point finger forward as if you would appear if he would and Jaehyun would understand.

"Mark, what?!"

"Y/n! I saw her, dude I swear that was her. Hyuck, it's not only me right? I'm not going delirious?!"

Heachan was half as shocked as Mark looking at Jaehyun with an unbelievable expression as if silently calling the older stupid for not seeing you after yapping about you endlessly for the past few weeks.

"Stupid" Haechan uttered, Jaehyun doesn't need to be told twice that you were in the same building, even if it was just another sick joke from the two youngsters, he couldn't care because he was ready to risk it all. He was ready to push the button to stop the elevator from moving and look for you but he was stopped by the two.

"Dude, what are you doing?!" Mark asked in panic.

"I'm going to her" Jaehyun stated as a matter of fact, as if it was the most obvious answer, which is, it is, just not the right one at the moment given with their situation.

"Hyung you can't, the manager Hyung will kill us, we're already 5 minutes late, let's just find her later ok?" At this point, there's no point in trying to get rid of you in Jaehyun's mind, it would be a futile attempt.

Jaehyun felt like he was floating the whole duration of the photoshoot, luckily, it doesn't reflect on the shots that were taken from him, all he could think of at that moment was to find you, talk to you, about what? That he doesn't know. Which explains why he was raking his mind now, playing a thousand ways on how to approach you when you finally open the door, how would you react from seeing him, are you going to deny him? Shoo him? Are you gonna get mad? How should he say hi to you?

Somehow, he and Mark found your office, but according to the person in charge, or currently in charge in your office, you were still in a meeting, so they wait patiently.

When Jaehyun heard your voice from a short distance, his heart leap with joy, he can't believe this, he was finally seeing you after all these years. He could finally hold you again. But his heart fell as quick as it leap.

"Come on, please? Come to the party with me, please? As my date" Jaehyun's ear rang the moment the guy stated it.

Date.

"I can't, I told you for a hundredth time now, I really can't attend this one, send my regards to your dad though, ok?"

"Oh come one, please? It's going to be so much fun babe, hmm? A lot of friends are coming, that's why you should too"

Babe.

"Oh, you said it yourself, it's going to be so much fun, and there's a lot of friends, you won't need my presence there, you wouldn't even going notice my absence, that's why you should go and have fun"

"But I want you to come with me" sulking was evident in the man's voice. Why you were having this discussion with the man, the person in charge of your office has been trying to get your attention to tell you you have a visitor but you failed to notice and acknowledge her.

"But I am going to visit the kids" Jaehyun's heart dropped centimeters below, AGAIN in the span of that few minutes.

KIDS? WITH AN S?

"But you can visit them anytime, this event is only happening once this Saturday, you can visit them any other day? I'm not saying that you should stop from being the God send an angel that you are, but it wouldn't hurt to miss this one Saturday with them right?"

"That's is so not true, Saturday is meant for story-telling day, and we take that one seriously, now stop clinging on me" the man on the other side of the door pouted resonating with Jaehyun's scowl face at the other end side.

"Come on Kevin, you should know the moment miss y/n said no, there's no point in trying to persuade her" said your secretary.

Yeah you tell him, said Jaehyun in his mind.

"Now if you may, I think miss. Ahn wanted to say something" now you finally notice your assistant secretary who seems like a fish that opens and close her mouth, every time she attempts to make her presence known, one of you starts to speak.

"You have a visitor" she declared. You look at your secretary to ask silently asking if you were expecting anyone at the moment, to which she replied with a quick no, confuse as to who could have come into your office without such notice, you were met with a quiet surprise.

For a moment you just stared at one another. Mark with an awkward smile on his face, and box smile with one hand in the air and attempt to wave but his hand not quietly moving...and a completely dashing Jaehyun with an unreadable expression.

"Uhm...hi," said Mark, you quickly pulled your shit together and returned his greetings, "oh Uhm hello," you said, giving the man a quick hug. It would be more awkward if you just wave to Jaehyun so you will yourself to give him a hug as well.

"I didn't expect you" you stated followed by an awkward laugh at the end "how long were you waiting?" You ask inviting them to sit again, you then ask them if they want anything, a drink, snack, anything but they refused and said they were on a diet. You understand so you just order your secretary to get some water, which she quickly followed after being a giggling mess after seeing Mark again this close, if it weren't quite obvious yet, she's a huge fan.

Now, only the three of you were left in the room.

You asked them again how long they were waiting and Mark replied with "not that long" contradicting Jaehyun's firmed "long" answer. Your eyes dance between the two of them trying to see which is which. Mark felt the drastic change of ambiance, especially when Jaehyun refused to take his eyes off you even for a second. He then excuses himself and asks where he could find the toilet when in fact, he just wanted to get out of the room.

"So Uhm, how are you?" You initiated since Jaehyun doesn't look like he's anyway near to making a small talk.

"Fine... fine, I guess" he answered in a small voice.

"Hmm, that's great, I'm glad you're doing great," you said enthusiastically, trying to uplift the foul tension that's brewing, you don't know why you felt nervous because as far as you could remember, you part with good riddance with each other.

"You?"

"I'm doing fine too, I guess?"

Jaehyun then quickly search for your hand, quickly looking for the indication that you were married and with kids, to the utter confusion he saw nothing. You saw where his eyes were dancing that's why you drag your eyes to where your left hand is as well.

You were about to clarify your assumption when Jaehyun took it to himself to do it.

"You're not married" you saw that comment coming but you don't know why it still shocked you.

"Uhm yah" you chuckled awkwardly

"But with kids?"

"What?" You asked confused, then it hit you, he must have overheard your conversion with one of your colleagues and a good friend, Kevin.

"No, no kids" Jaehyun searched for any indication in your face that you were lying, but there was none. To be honest, with how clouded his mind earlier and how determined he was, he could have careless if you have kids or a lover, the moment that he saw that your ring finger was empty, all hope sprung one more time, and he was ready to play all his cards, damn what may come after. He's getting you back.

"But if you consider the kids in the orphanage, then Uhm, I guess I have many¿" you subtly clarified what you assume was a question running into his mind. You are carefully observing him that it was so clear, even after all these years, what was running into his head. You don't even know why you were trying to explain yourself to him. You don't owe him that anymore.

Jaehyun didn't wait any time, and quickly got up and gave you a tight hug followed by a numerous "I miss you." You were shocked but accepted it regardless. Maybe he missed you as a friend, right? A married man can still miss a friend. But when you look at his left hand as well, you see no ring. Jaehyun noticed where you were looking and he slowly pulled away.

"No ring, no wife, no kid," he said. You were confused about why he was telling you all of this. In the back of your mind though, the image of him holding a pregnant woman, at one of the charity balls you attended, appears in your vision, Jaehyun saw the skeptical look you were giving him.

"It was my cousin" he said.

"What?"

"The one you saw me with, in the ball, last month, it was my cousin" he clarified.

"Oh, I mean... uhm, ok. I didn't ask though"

"I know, I just want to tell you that ever since we locked eye, y/n I—" he wasn't able to finish what he was saying when Mark barged in into the room again.

"Hyung, I know you're having your moment" Mark then looked at you "sorry noona" he said apologetically "but manager Hyung is looking for us, we have a radio schedule in 5," he said. You quickly nod your head, completely detaching Jaehyun from you, another flashback played in Jaehyun's mind and he can't let it end the same way this time. No, he can't bear the thought of that. Not again. Not in this lifetime.

"Quick Jae, you should go, your members must have been waiting for you, and thank you for visiting me," you said trying to offer a friendly smile. You then drag your eyes to where Mark was standing telling him you should meet again once everyone is free, so you could catch up and such, to which Mark replied with an enthusiastic nod. You looked back at Jaehyun still glued to where he was standing, you were waiting for him to move when he said a firm "no," shock evident in your face and on Mark's face.

"Hyung..."

You're no better, you were a stuttering mess, speechless in fact, he was acting odd.

"There's an after party after the comeback premiere, come" you waited for him to continue since it seems like it was not a mere invitation "I am not leaving unless you promise that you will come" You don't know what to say. "You want to meet the members anyway" he plead in the softest manner, almost as if he was begging. Jaehyun, despite all these years, still has the ability to bring the most extreme emotions in you, that's why you don't know how to answer this.

"Please?" But you don't know where this reunion will bring you, or WHAT this reunion will bring you. Despite the many emotion you see in Jaehyun's eyes, you don't know what he has in mind for this and in this.

"Jae—" The look in his eyes, the same look he was giving you two years ago, and you felt the same regret you have that day for breaking his heart—you can't bear the thought of inflicting the same pain to this man. But you are in no position to make any promises.

"I'll have to ask for my secretary if I am free by that time, I can't promise anything Jae" this time you didn't lie, you can't bring yourself to lie. You don't have the right to lie, and this man doesn't deserve any lie.

"I'll hold onto my faith then that you will come"

You did come.

You were late but you came.

For the past hour, while you are racking your brain if you should come or not, Jaehyun was at his seat, legs bouncing up and down, looking intently at the entrance, hoping that the next person to enter was you. Unfortunately, for a good one hour, no presence of you was seen, and some of the members were starting to feel bad looking at their friend whose faith refused to waver.

Despite their many attempts to get him up from where he was seated, Jaehyun refused.

"I'm good man, I have to see when she walk-in, she might feel uncomfortable if she finds no one"

Just about when Jaehyun start to feel a little down, he saw you, peaking a little at first, Jaehyun thought he must have lost his mind for the past hours of kept imagining that you would walk-in in through that door, but high spirit sprung once you fully stepped out, doing a quick scan in the area. Jaehyun basically leaps from his seat which shook his other members but upon looking from where Jaehyun's eyes are glued, a smile found its way to their faces as well. You were holding two huge paper bags, quarter your size, Jaehyun saw you before you saw him, so before your eyes reach where he was formerly sitting you were already engulfed with a huge tight hug, and God, it felt like home.

"You came" he said, as if he was reiterating an answered prayer.

"Yeah, I came" you smiled returning the hug. The boys quickly followed giving you a hug one by one. You greet them and said you were sorry for being late, but you saw their performance, and it was great. You told them that partly the reason why you were late is that you'll feel bad if you come empty-handed so you brought each one a bouquet of flowers.

Each one receives theirs, except for Jaehyun. You saw the little disappointment dancing in his eyes, and the members also notice the slight slump on his shoulder, you glance at his friend and then back at him, Jaehyun tried to play it cool and gave you a smile, still. The member quickly left the two of you after the short silence.

Jaehyun invited you to come to their table but didn't budge from where you were standing. "Uhm, I didn't forget yours," you said of the blue. Jaehyun has a grip on your wrist and was just about to drag you in further but looks back when he notices you're not moving. 

"Uhm, what?" He asked, clarifying if he heard it right since the area start to get a little bit noisy as some people start to loosen up after finishing a few drinks already.

"I, Uhm, said I haven't forgotten yours" you saw him scanning the empty paper bags you were holding, "it was in the car, I can't bring it because..." clearly your hands are full. But he didn't let you finish what you were saying. He already know what you were about to say anyway. Jaehyun can't help the smile on his face, dimple clearly showing, he felt like a kid that was about to open his Christmas present on Christmas eve.

"Let's go get it," he said happily and giddily. Already dragging you out of the venue, the members silently observe how things between the two of you unfold. "Uhm... Jae, the parking lot is this way" you said when Jaehyun are walking so fast from the opposite direction, "Oh right, my bad" he cutely giggled and you don't know why he's happy reaction is bringing you so much joy more than it should.

When you reached the parking lot, you open your car's compartment and it revealed a much bigger bouquet. You don't know how it was possible, but his smile grew bigger and much brighter and if his eyes could twinkle, then his eyes were twinkling.

"This is mine?" He asked excitedly

"Uhm, yeah, do you like it?" You asked nervously, a little anxious that it didn't meet his expectation and excitement earlier.

"I love it, thank you so much" he replied with another hug while tightly holding the bouquet in his one hand.

"I have something to give you as well"

"Oh, uhm really?"

"Yeah" he then fished something in his pocket, something so familiar. You got nervous all of the sudden.

"Before you say anything, hear me out first" he must have noticed your nervous expression. You then look at Jaehyun's eye, waiting for what he would say. "I know, the last time we met, except the one from your office and the one at the charity ball, we promise to find our own happiness. We wished for each other's happiness. As to how I see it, I can tell you found yours, you found happiness in what your heart desired, and I remember how you always mention before how you took pride in your career and I have never been more proud and happy looking at you right now" he said sincerely. He slowly holds your left hand bringing it near to his chest.

"To you, I learned that love should never be selfish, and while I am happy that my wish for you came true, I came to realize that despite my search for mine all these years, it was futile, because it was with you. Y/n, I wanted to be selfish for this one thing, would you allow me?" he slowly open the box that revealed a beautiful ring, the exact same one he offered to you two years ago.

"Allow me to be selfish this one time and claim my happiness with you, then let me pay for it for the rest of my life. I promise you this time, I'll bend all the odds just to be with you. I guarantee that I abide by every condition that you have, regardless of what. I am not pressuring you into anything, we can take things slowly just like how you want, we don't have to force things now, just please, let's try again. Allow me to come back home. Please be my home again."

You look at the ring, it was beautiful, and it was tempting to accept it, then you look into his eyes, Jaehyun has always been this transparent, you can tell exactly what he feels once you look into his eyes.

"This doesn't mean we have to get married right away you know, or get married at all, depends on what you want. I am willing to take whatever you are willing to give me. I am giving you this as a symbol of my complete submission and love. It means I'm yours for your taking, and you accepting it means you allow me to love you again" how could you deny him if he's this good at persuading you. So you took the ring, you don't know how to answer him so you just showed him. You put the ring on your finger slowly, then sealed it with a kiss. Jaehyun could swear his heart is erupting with joy. He kissed you back with equal passion and love.

" I love you" you said, Jaehyun couldn't be happier.

"And I love you too, I never stopped"

What Jaehyun doesn't know is that what your heart truly desired was him as well all this time.

When the both of you came back to the venue, Jaehyun is proudly holding his own bouquet of flowers and proudly holding your hand in the other.

When you reached your table he proudly said "Mines the biggest" showing off his bouquet, the boys could only laugh because Jaehyun looked like he just won a lottery.

Jaehyun did win a lottery, and the prize is more than any money could buy or put a value on it.. because it's you. His y/n. His home. His one and only love. His happiness.

This time, he will no longer wait when the time is right—he will make the time right for the two of you.

[leportraitducadavre]

Neji vs. Kidomaru

After reading and re-reading the chapters focused on the Hyüga prodigy against the archer of the Sound Four, I decided to dedicate this battle an entire post, not so much because of Kidomaru, but because of Neji who, by the age of thirteen, is both an excellent strategist and fighter. I've been reading lately a lot of mistreatment towards his character either direct or indirect (as when specific portions of the fandom downgrade/diminish his capacities to compare him to very canonically mediocre ninjas), so I wanted to give him some appreciation.

We start in Chapter 192: In there, Kidomaru trapped Shikamaru, Kiba, and Naruto's clone. Shikamaru's plan was to distract Kidomaru in order for Neji to attack him but the man traps him as well and imprisons him in a cocoon. Naruto, whose clone has been destroyed, jumps from behind Kidomaru and punches him, but he's fast enough to incapacitate the Jinchüriki.

While this is happening, Neji analyzes Kidomaru’s technique with his Byakugan and realizes that the webs are a mix of spit and chakra that keeps circulating even after he releases them. Therefore before Kidomaru could attack his teammates with Kumonenkin (x), he releases them -as the Gentle Fist’s technique specializes in cutting/stopping chakra flow (x):

The Hyuuga combine their x-ray vision with their ability to see chakra, allowing them to see the chakra pathways within the human body. This served as the foundation of their Gentle Fist as they inject their chakra into the enemy’s pathways that are entwined with their internal organs to damage them in ways they can’t defend against. Those with higher than average visual acuity – naturally or trained – can even see the 361 chakra points which release chakra from the body which can then be targeted to disrupt the enemy’s chakra flow. Viewing the chakra pathways directly means that they can literally see the enemy generate chakra, transform it into a technique and channel it through their body, allowing them to react to an attack before it is actually unleashed.

(Source)

I’ve already reiterated what the Gentle Fist’s techniques consist of, but let’s make sure we have all the information about Kidomaru’s techniques that he has displayed thus far:

Spider Web Flower (Kumo Souka) Ninjutsu, Hiden, Supplementary, Close to mid-range User(s): Kidoumaru Countless clinging nets capture his prey! A special adhesive net released from Kidoumaru’s mouth. These nets, created with chakra, stick to their prey and do not let go. The nets themselves are very small, but can be created in a split second, so raising the rate of capture by spitting out several in a row is possible. It is also useful against multiple enemies.

(Source)

Spider Web Unrolling (Kumosoukai) Ninjutsu, Hiden, Supplementary, Close to mid-range User(s): Kidoumaru A net that blossoms and covers all — enveloping its prey in one fell swoop!! A web that captures and contains all enemies attacking from the front. The sticky and elastic threads are so strong that even an elephant pulling each end would not break them. The enemy is crucified, unable to budge a muscle, let alone fight back. Once captured, their fate is in the hands of Kidoumaru.

(Source)

I've said it before, but again, Kidomaru traps Neji in his Spider Cocoon (Kumo Mayu), which is:

These are the first three techniques we see him use and the one that traps Shikamaru’s team. Neji, by analyzing Kidomaru's technique, decides to use the Gentle fist Technique to break Kidomaru’s chakra connection with his spider webs, making them fragile enough to cut, and liberates the entire team before Kidomaru attacks Naruto:

Not only was he able to discern a counter-attack to Kidomaru’s technique but he also freed himself and both Kiba and Shikamaru in the short time span Kidomaru was distracted by Naruto.

In order to understand the speed at which Neji moved, let’s look at this:

Neji is able to activate his Byakugan and intercept Kidomaru’s projectiles before they reach his teammates -Kidomaru’s technique is Kumo Souka, which as shown before can be created in a split second even against multiple targets -Neji activated his Doujutsu (without using any seals!) and intercepted the projectiles in a matter of seconds.

It's because Kidomaru understands Neji's strength and speed (he even calls him the strongest of the bunch) that he decides that the best course of action is to overwhelm him with a rapid succession of Kumo Souka (again, this technique is so fast that it allows Kidomaru to spit a huge amount of projectiles):

He successfully traps Neji and prevents him from using his arms because he knew about Hyüga's technique: He was warned. Orochimaru told him about the Gentle Fist and, in doing so, gave his pupil an advantage Neji doesn't have -as he's encountering Kidomaru's techniques for the first time.

Spider Sticky Gold (Kumo Nenkin) Ninjutsu, Hiden, Supplementary User(s): Kidoumaru Amazingly adaptable metal woven from inside his body! Peculiar and unbreakable spun gold! Kidoumaru uses this jutsu to harden the golden metal that releases like sweat. The weapons created from this process form the core of his style of fighting. This metal hardens like steel upon contact with air, so by chewing it in his mouth and changing its shape Kidoumaru can create weapons appropriate to each battle. It hardens the instant it appears! It can be easily shaped into even a sword or bow. The bizarrely shaped sticky gold becomes a devastating projectile weapon– Because it instantly hardens, direct attacks from a distance are possible.

(Source)

Kidomaru uses this attack to kill Neji, who is trapped by his web. However, such is Neji's control of his own chakra (Hakkeshou Kaiten, Eight Trigrams Palms Revolving Heaven) that he can release it from his body's Tenketsu -immediately breaking the spider webs and dodging the attack.

He's even able to attack Kidomaru with Gentle Fist Style 8 Trigrams 64 Palms with enough speed for Kidomaru not to be able to dodge as he gets blown out through a tree:

However, Kidomaru's technique is particularly complicated for a Byakugan user as his Kumonenkin (when hard) doesn't allow chakra to go through the barrier. As I've said, he didn't have time to avoid Neji's attack, so he produced a gold shield through his sweat glands to protect his energy flow system, hence making the Gentle Fist technique useless:

Regardless, Kidomaru is aware that attacking with any close-range Jutsu or keeping using the same techniques Neji already defeated would've pointless, so not only does he activates Orochimaru's Seal -he also summons Kyodaigumo for her to prevent Neji from using the 8 Trigrams Palm Rotation technique (x)

In order to perform the task asked by her summoner, Kyodaigumo spawns a big amount of baby spiders that rain down on Neji (Amagumo) to both slow him down and distract him from the actual attack.

Yet Neji is able to see, despite the multiple attacks he's facing, Kidomaru's Kumonenkin. He even decides to defend and attack using solely Taijutsu (Gentle Fist style) against the big amount of spiders.

His reaction speed is marvelous, he's able to dodge all the kunai Kidomaru throws his way but the ones that he throws in his blind spot!

He's able to keep dodging and successfully attacking the two other waves of Rain of Spiders (x) with two more kunai in his body before ultimately defeating Kyodaigumo with six kunai on his back (x).

Can we pause a little bit and understand that Neji is fighting without pausing: 1) The baby spiders Kyodaigumo throws at him. One by one. 2) The web they produce that reduce his movements. 3) Kidomaru's Kumonenkin (gold daggers)

All the while he's exhausted and wounded.

Furthermore,

Even while Kidomaru unknowingly (he finds out eventually, and targets that specific place later on) threw those attacks on Neji's blind spot, he reacted fast enough to avoid fatal blows.

In the Second Stage of his seal, Kidomaru has 100% striking accuracy with his bow -yet Neji, while injured, is able to dodge the attack! Kidomaru's arrow covers 50 meters in an instant:

And Neji dodges it -Kidomaru didn't miss, Neji sensed it with his chakra and deflected it.

Neji's blind spot.

In order to counteract Neji's movements (as when he runs his blindspot changes positions -not in the sense of moving through his body but him moving), Kidomaru uses chakra powered cord to change the course of the arrow.

So Neji decides that he won't run (and this panel breaks me):

And this is how far the arrow travels (pointing out Kidomaru's ability with long-ranged attacks):

Neji, while dying (he's canonically agonizing), uses the remaining of his chakra to invade Kidomaru's chakra-powered cord and strike him (severing his connection to the arrow). He hasn't immobilized him, he simply hurt him.

Now, and this is the real cake:

Neji (remember, he's without chakra and he's gravely injured) cuts the wire, runs through the forest, and reaches Kidomaru before the Sound-nin even reaches the ground; he literally covered this entire distance:

while Kidomaru was falling.

The sheer amount of speed he possesses even at his worst state (he uses no fancy jutsus to jump from one place to the other, he is simply running) is incredible.

And allow me to be petty: I can't believe some people compare and elevate his cousin's abilities in order to claim them to be on the same level (lucky him there wasn't a rock around to make him trip). He's superior at this stage, and I dare to say he's still superior to her at this age even after the War Arc; she's never even mentioned to be remotely good, least of all as good as Neji, whose prodigy status persists even after the time-skip.

The Main Family in its entirety (maybe less Hiashi), pales completely in comparison to him.

Neji's explanation of his strategy and why he was able to keep fighting after Kidomaru's attack. Now that's what I call a strategist.

Chapter 198 is the chapter where Neji canonically (and finally) lets go of his hatred towards the Hyuga Main Family (x), he even states that Naruto “saved him from darkness” (x) -which is not only letting go of a negative feeling such as ire but also transforms him into an obedient tool of both his uncle and his cousins. Here, Neji’s Arc comes resolutely to an end, narratively positive, revolutionarily negative.

I wonder if the feather is supposed to symbolize Neji’s wings? As in, him becoming free of “his cage”; or is a single feather a symbol of him plucking his wings -therefore, becoming trapped inside the cage?

Neji deserved more than he got.

[searidings]

Lena definitely just lets Jess walk into her office without knocking and that has definitely led to her walking in on Lena in Supergirl’s arms

Jessica Hoang’s job pays well.

Like, really well. Like, buy-your-mother-a-new-Valentino-purse-every-Christmas well. Surprise-your-boyfriend-with-a-trip-to-the-Bahamas well. Rub-your-success-in-your-high-school-nemeses’-face-at-the-reunion-but-like-in-a-classy-way well.

And it’s not that it’s exactly unreasonable. Being Lena Luthor’s assistant is no cake walk. Jess has been shot at. She’s been almost blown up on more than one occasion. She’s worked all the hours god sends and then some. Hell, she’s got the chief detective of NCPD’s major crimes unit on speed dial.

She has, at various times and with varying degrees of success, played the roles of bodyguard, nutritionist, nurse, therapist, and drinking buddy. She’s seen Lena in every shade and hue of human emotion; coaxed her through crisis after crisis with warm words and a kind smile and never once let her miss a meeting.

So, Jess doesn’t really mind accepting the generous salary. Has even made peace with the borderline obscene bonuses Lena likes to toss her way around Christmas, or her birthday, or any time Jess introduces her to a new kale recipe.

She’s not arrogant, but she’s not prone to under-selling herself either. She knows Lena values her, knows she’s integral to keeping L-Corp’s CEO afloat and thus, to the running of the whole operation. And more than that, she knows her own worth. Takes pride in the work she does.

So she’ll take the paycheck, and the late nights and the missed meals and all the other things that come part and parcel with employment in National City’s most conspicuous company.

And if those other things come to include a front row ticket to the tragicomedy of her boss’ relationship with a certain blonde reporter, so be it. She’s not about to quit, after all. Once she’d gotten a taste of sleeping on Egyptian cotton bed sheets, there was no going back.

-

It started with the unrestricted office access.

Actually, it started when Lena allergic-to-the-press Luthor first asked her to put in a call to the biggest news outlet in town to request a private meeting with one of their junior reporters, but Jess lets that one slide.

(She’s got her own hunk of a man to go home to every night, yet even she’s not immune to Miss Danvers’ button down and slacks combo, to her earnest blue eyes and eager charm. Lena can’t be blamed for falling under that spell, nor for the hypnotic allure of the muscles straining beneath those demure cardigans. She’s only human, after all.)

But adding Kara Danvers to the list of people to be waved straight into her boss’ office with no checks – or rather, creating said list, which to this day consists of precisely one name – was what really sealed the deal. It was portentous in every sense of the word, a harbinger of what was to come.

Since that fateful day, Jess has seen more of Lena and Kara’s relationship than she’s sure any of the three of them would ideally prefer.

At first, it was the interviews. They’d been fishy enough in themselves; sure, Lena Luthor is objectively interesting. But three separate articles in the span of two weeks? No one’s that interesting.

After the interviews, it was the lunch dates. The first time she’d interrupted one of those she’d almost fallen over her own feet in shock. The sight of Lena Luthor – the same Lena Luthor that Jess had, on more than one occasion, needed to actively bribe into ingesting anything other than espresso and scotch in a fourteen hour workday – licking burger grease off her fingers and happy as a clam, had thrown her off for the whole rest of the day.

(Lena had long since instructed Jess to just stick her head into her office without knocking if she needed her. “Things can go to hell far too quickly around here to waste time with buzzers and intercoms,” she’d said with a self-deprecating smile.

If only Jess had known then what she knows now, she might have put up more of a fight on that front.)

The lunch dates had gotten longer, and more frequent, and decidedly more intimate. A year after the reporter’s first appearance at L-Corp it had become commonplace for Jess to walk into her boss’ office to find the two of them slanted close together on the couch, Lena’s heels discarded, her stockinged feet tucked beneath the blonde’s thigh.

Then, Kara started showing up at 7pm to drag Lena away from her desk at a reasonable hour. Started dropping by on her way to Catco before work too, fumbling coffees and pastries in her blushing grip.

(She always brought a latte for Jess along with Lena’s regular order. Of all the developments, that was certainly one of the most welcome.)

She got to know Kara, as the years went on. Was pleased to discover that she truly was as delightful as she seemed. And it was nice to finally have an ally in her ongoing battle to regulate her boss’ shockingly unhealthy work habits. She and Kara could tag-team their efforts, trading off caffeine duty and playing bad cop to get Lena to leave the office before midnight. It meant that Jess had finally, occasionally, gotten a day off.

It didn’t escape her notice that Kara was always there on the bad days. She showed up like clockwork after every ruthless smear campaign against L-Corp, every stock market plummet, every assassination attempt. She would enter the office to find Lena crying and she would leave with the dark haired woman tucked securely against her side, if not smiling then at least calm. At least hopeful.

And Kara was there on the good days, too. The mergers and the product launches and the prototype successes; she celebrated every one of Lena’s triumphs as if they were her own. And Lena, Lena lit up when Kara was around. Bloomed like a rare flower beneath the megawatt glare of Kara’s sunshine devotion.

Her boss never said so in so many words, nor did Jess ever walk in on anything directly incriminating. But it was clear to anyone with eyes exactly what was happening between the two women, exactly where it would lead.

And then one day, Kara wasn’t there anymore.

-

The effect was as obvious as it was immediate.

Lena started coming in early and staying late, if she left the office at all. She barely ate. Her face was pale and drawn, and Jess would often enter her office to find her boss’ eyes red-rimmed.

It became glaringly, painfully obvious that without Kara dropping by at all hours of the day and night, no one was coming to visit Lena.

Her boss became closed-off and withdrawn, more so even than when Jess had first started at L-Corp. Gone were their weekly gossip sessions about the crotchety old men Lena couldn’t yet oust from the company’s board. Gone was her boss’ openness about her own life or her interest in Jess’, her frequent requests for photos of her cats or updates on the master’s in computer science she was studying for in the evenings evaporating into thin air.

Lena did not want to talk about it. Jess was informed of this emphatically and repeatedly whenever she would tentatively reach out, and slowly she stopped trying.

The closest they ever came to acknowledging the elephant in the room was the night of L-Corp’s annual fundraiser at the Luthor Children’s Hospital. Once the gala was over, Jess had run back to the office to drop off the donation paperwork in the company safe only to notice a faint light beneath Lena’s office door.

She’d entered to find Lena hunched on the floor of her private bathroom, heels kicked off and hair falling out of its intricate updo, mascara streaking her cheeks as she sobbed into her hands. Jess hadn’t hesitated for even a second before sinking down beside her.

Wrapping a secure arm around her boss’ shoulders and smoothing the flyaway hairs from her flushed face, she’d tried her best to convey the support and reassurance that Lena had so consistently shown to her. But the young woman had brushed off her platitudes even as the tears had continued to fall.

“It’s not okay,” she’d hiccupped against Jess’ shoulder, the scotch evident on her breath. “She’s gone. I won’t ever get her back.”

And that’s all she would say on the matter. Eventually, the tears had dried up and the exhaustion had set in and Jess had chaperoned her all the way back to her apartment and into bed.

Lena had shown up for work the next day in a pair of oversize aviators, clinging to her triple shot extra-large americano like a lifeline. She’d dropped a latte on Jess’ desk with a rueful smile, and that had been that. They never talked about it again.

-

That whole dark period only cemented the strong protective streak Jess had been cultivating over her boss ever since the very first attempt on her life.

It’s just that Lena is strong, and smart as hell and unfailingly kind and utterly undeserving of the punishment the world keeps foisting on her for her family’s sins. And worse, she’s not prepared to fight back. She just accepts it, internalises the hatred and the burden and the blame and Jess cannot, will not watch it happen. So sue her if she’s a little hyper-vigilant, a little possessive.

And so when Kara Danvers had shown up again one unassuming Tuesday, Jess intercepted her trajectory at Lena’s office door with narrowed eyes and a suspicious glare.

It must have been effective – she’d learned from stone cold boardroom killer Lena Luthor, after all – because the reporter shrank back a little beneath the force of her stare. Kara cleared her throat nervously and Jess had been a split second from launching into a what are your intentions with my girl speech ripped straight from a bad 1980s teen movie when the door opened behind her and Lena appeared.

“It’s fine, Jess,” her boss murmured and she had, reluctantly, stepped aside to let the blonde pass. Not before fixing Kara Danvers with one last pointed glare, though. If Lena wasn’t going to protect herself then Jess would just have to do it for her.

But there was no shouting, no screaming, no audible arguments. And when the blonde left a half hour later and Jess stuck her head through the office door to very unsubtly check on Lena’s wellbeing, there was no trace of red-rimmed eyes or tear stains. Lena simply offered up a small smile, a soft smile and once again, that appeared to be that.

Slowly, Kara Danvers became a regular fixture in L-Corp again, alongside the fancy espresso machines in every break room and the ever-present whiff of soldered metal.

Jess remained wary, a fact which did not seem to go unnoticed by the reporter. In fact, Kara redoubled her efforts to win her over, including new pastries and other sweet treats with the lattes she still regularly delivered.

“I can’t be bought, you know,” Jess had said once, taking the offered apricot Danish anyway. Her loyalty wasn’t up for auction, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t capitalise on the spoils of a bidding war.

Kara had only smiled sadly. “I know. I’m glad.” At Jess’ inquisitive stare she’d just shaken her head, reaching up to adjust her glasses. “I’m glad she has you.”

Jess had hmphed rather ungracefully, licking a stray flake of pastry from the end of her finger. She may have broken her boss’ heart, but no one could deny that Kara Danvers had great taste in desserts.

“I’m not looking for her forgiveness. Or yours,” Kara had continued, so surprising that Jess had inhaled a healthy gulp of latte directly into her lung. The reporter had waited until she’d finished spluttering before she continued. “I don’t deserve it. But for what it’s worth, she has me, too. Again, I mean. For as long as she wants me.”

Jess had narrowed her eyes, searching for any trace of insincerity in that earnest, handsome face. Finding none, her feelings toward the reporter had at last settled somewhere in the ballpark of grudging respect.

And there they’ve remained. She still watches the blonde carefully, still keeps a wary eye out for any sign that things may crumble into dust again. But Kara is true to her word. She shows up, she keeps showing up, and she sticks around.

And slowly, achingly slowly, the light comes back to Lena’s eyes.

-

It’s just another regular unassuming Tuesday when everything shifts again.

Kara Danvers hasn’t yet shown up for lunch and her boss’ conference call was scheduled to have ended a half hour ago, and this stack of expense reports desperately needs Lena’s signature so Jess doesn’t bother knocking as she shoulders open the office door.

A lesser assistant might have shrieked. They’d definitely have dropped the gargantuan stack of reports all over the floor. But Jessica Hoang was trained by Lena Luthor herself. She’s got dignity and composure for days.

Even so, it takes every ounce of poise she can muster not to let out so much as a squeak at the sight of her boss hovering a solid five feet above the floor of her office, enveloped tightly in the arms of a fully kitted and caped Supergirl.

It’s an unavoidably intimate embrace. Lena’s stockinged feet perch lightly on the toes of the hero’s red boots, her arms wrapped snug around the Kryptonian’s neck. Their foreheads are pressed together and they’re just gazing into one another’s eyes, Supergirl’s arms slung low around Lena’s waist as she drifts them in lazy mid-air circles.

For one horrible, stomach-churning moment Jess is faced with the mind-boggling possibility that her boss is, for all intents and purposes, cheating on her reporter gal pal with the city’s superpowered sweetheart.

But equanimity isn’t the only talent she’s picked up from Lena. Her problem solving skills aren’t bad either, or so her boyfriend is fond of grumbling when she steals the Sunday crossword out from under his nose.

Jess uses the split second before they react to her presence to appraise the scene with a critical eye.

At this proximity, there’s something decidedly familiar about those blue eyes and flowing golden locks. But the real clincher doesn’t end up coming from Supergirl at all. It’s the softness in her boss’ expression, the gentle slant of her features and the unguarded love in her eyes in the brief moment before she registers the interruption that really seals the deal.

Jess has, after all, seen Lena in every shade and hue of human emotion. The list of people her boss would look at like that, much like the list of people with unrestricted access to her office, consists of precisely one name.  

Two heads snap towards her in perfect tandem, two jaws hitting the floor in quick succession. Lena gasps and shoves herself away from Supergirl like the woman has suddenly become radioactive, apparently forgetting that she’s not currently abiding by the laws of terrestrial gravity and almost plummeting five feet to the ground.

She’s saved by the hero’s lightning fast reflexes, strong arms snapping out to catch her around the waist and pulling their bodies snugly back together into an embrace somehow even more intimate than the original.

Jess smirks. Lena’s cheeks are redder than she’s ever seen them as Supergirl floats them both gently back to the ground. “This isn’t— we were just— she’s not—” Lena tries half-heartedly as the superhero shuffles her feet at her side, blushing like a chastised schoolgirl.

Jess bites the inside of her cheek, calling upon every last shred of her professionalism to keep from laughing. “Your two o’clock is here,” she says gently, gracing her boss with a genuine smile. Jess may be proud of her own bullish protectiveness in front of others, but she’s a simple girl at heart. If Lena’s happy, she’s happy.

Both women are still staring at her slack-jawed. It appears no response is forthcoming any time soon.

Jess decides to put them out of their misery. “Just buzz when you want me to send him in, Miss Luthor. Miss Danvers,” she nods in acknowledgment as she ducks quickly back out of the room. Not quick enough, though, to miss the choked sounds of shock from behind her, nor the heated stage-whisper of how does she know, Lena? that follows her out of the door.

Jess shakes her head. And she doesn’t even have superhearing.

-

Lena Luthor has many strengths but subtlety, apparently, is not one of them.

That’s the conclusion Jess has no choice but to land on as she stares down at her phone. The extra 10k that has materialised in her bank account without warning or explanation could hardly be more obvious if it had come with the payee reference hush money right there in black and white.

Well. If Jess hadn’t been sure before, she certainly is now.

She shakes her head fondly. As if she would ever sell out her boss on anything, much less on what is very clearly a matter of the heart.

After all these years working together, she knows Lena trusts her. But she can also picture clear as day the scene that must have transpired in the office behind her just moments ago. Lena and Kara, panicking about being discovered. Lena falling back into her Luthor conditioning, deciding to clean up the mess by throwing money at it. The instant regret as she realises she’s just confirmed that there is in fact something to be covered up.

For a certified genius, her boss sure can be dense.

Jess chuckles. Taps out of her banking app and pulls up her messages. Your super secret’s safe with me she types, grinning. I’ve never told a soul that you were drunk as a skunk at the annual board meeting three years ago, and that was without a single dollar in bribes. Why would this be any different?

Hitting send, she swears she actually hears the sigh of relief her boss lets out despite the three inches of solid oak door separating them. She shakes her head again, biting her lip.

I’m happy for you, Lena she sends, warm affection swelling in her chest. Smiles when her screen lights up a moment later with a single red heart.

She locks her phone and squares her shoulders. Skims a critical eye over the weekly schedule she already knows by heart. Ushers in Lena’s two o’clock at her boss’ signal and settles back at her desk. Pulls up a new browser tab and searches up the cost of last-minute flights to the Maldives.

Just because Lena’s hush money was unnecessary, that doesn’t mean it can’t be put to good use.

[scotianostra]

Forget me not elephant, West Prices Street Gardens.

The forget me not elephant symbolise strong and close knit relationships. Elephants are highly intelligent with an everlasting memory.

This popular statue was unveiled in 2019 and is by Andy Scott, creator of The Kelpie statues at Falkirk. 

The memorial is dedicated to babies’ cremated remains that were cruelly dumped in a mass unmarked grave at Mortonhall Cemetery in a scandal spanning more than four decades.

As a result, hundreds of grieving parents will never know the final resting place of their beloved children, with at least 250 cremated babies buried in secret. Parents were instead told there would be no ashes left to scatter following cremation.

The creation of a memorial was one of the 22 recommendations produced in Dame Elish’s 600-page report commissioned to look into the scandal.

Edinburgh City Council built a £250,000 memorial garden at Mortonhall in 2015 for those devastated parents.

But with some families vowing to never return to the crematorium grounds, officials agreed to build a second permanent memorial.

More than six years after the scandal was uncovered, a two and a half tonne baby elephant was unveiled  in Princes Street Gardens  on February 3rd 1019, as a way to remember the hundreds of babies for years to come.

The memorial, embossed with forget-me-not flowers, is a popular spot for people taking photos, as you can see in mine, these were only in the time it took me to take a few pics. 

SculptorAndy Scott gave the baby elephant the working title “Lulla-Bye” given the tragic circumstances surrounding the project, which took around four and a half years to come to fruition.

He added: “Elephants never forget. I wanted to do something that will capture the imagination. It was quite a daunting thing to take on because of the emotions and the terrible loss the parents had suffered. It wasn’t a project I took on lightly. It’s been a rewarding project in how it has been received.

“I wanted the idea of something of a lost toy, maybe being left behind and the feeling of sadness and loss. But also something that would resonate with siblings. I hope the parents respond well to it.”