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mypoisonedvine · 1 year ago

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you could do a drabble about Jonathan Crane...a continuation about a drabble that he helps his patient with his sexual health problems, but now instead of observing he participates 👀 and Reader doesn't want to but does want to 🫠 I love your content, I'm so happy you're back.💜

seems like a perfect continuation to this c: HOW did it turn out so long lmaoooo 18+ ONLY OF COURSE

length: nearly 2k

warnings: noncon/heavy dubcon, abuse of power/manipulation, medical kink, praise kink, pain kink (at least on his part lol)

"How will I know when I'm ready?" you asked hesitantly. "For... sex?"

He smiled, very very slightly, and did that annoying therapist thing where he answered your question with a question. "What do you think are signs that you're ready for that step?"

You sighed, noticing how he'd flipped it back on you (he explained before why he did that-- because his job was to guide you to personal growth rather than just tell you what to do-- but you still wished sometimes it could be more simple) and tried to think about how to answer his question. "I guess... desire, would be a good sign."

"It would certainly help," he laughed lightly. "It's hard to feel much pleasure during something that feels like a chore. Have you?"

"Hm?"

"Have you experienced any desire for or interest in sex lately?" he asked.

Suddenly feeling a bit flushed, you looked away from him and rubbed the back of your neck. "O-oh, uh... I-- I guess that depends on what you consider--"

"So you have," he interrupted, smirking a bit, and you glanced at him before looking down at the floor with a nervous laugh. "I suspected as much."

"Because I brought it up today?" you assumed.

"No, for quite some time," he responded. "Weeks ago."

You blinked quickly, wondering how he could've noticed something like that. "Oh, did I... say something?"

"It's what you don't say," he explained, looking at you with a bit more darkness in his eyes. "It's what goes without saying."

You knew that he knew, but you weren't strong enough to admit it yet. "Wh-what do you mean, Dr. Crane?" you asked, playing dumb and hoping helplessly that it would work.

He sighed and shut his notebook, setting it aside and tilting his head a bit as he looked at you. "What do you think I'm referring to?" he asked.

You scoffed, seeing an opportunity to change the subject. "You know I can't stand it when you do that... you should just answer my questions," you decided.

"Yes, I bet you'd like that, wouldn't you?" he smirked. "Simply being told what to do."

You shuddered at the way his voice changed... and his stare, too, it seemed to rake over you. Even though you weren't sure if he was really asking, you found yourself nodding.

"Say it, out loud," he insisted.

"I want you to... to tell me what to do..." you mumbled nervously, "Dr. Crane..."

He smiled, wider than probably you'd ever seen on him and your gaze followed him as he stood up. "I'm glad you've finally admitted it," he said softly, stepping closer to you until his form towered over you as you sat on the couch-- your heart beat faster as you arched your neck to look up at him, swallowing thickly. "Dilated eyes, elevated heartrate, tightly crossed legs-- yes, I noticed all the signs of desire in you. You want me to help you with your aversion, yes?"

"Well, of course, but--"

He leaned down and held your chin softly in his hand, making your words fail into a whimper. "I think you'll experience much faster progress this way," he explained. "You'll do as you're told?"

You hesitated, your heart pounding in your ears, but you nodded slightly; you couldn't exactly say 'no' now, could you?

And he wasn't wrong-- you'd thought about this, with him. But not literally this. You just thought he was attractive, and though he was the one who told you to touch yourself daily at home to desensitize your mind and increase your libido, you never admitted in your self-reports that you were usually thinking about him.

But you weren't thinking about him as your doctor. You were thinking about him as some other person, who just happened to look like that. And though, in your mind, he always took charge... this felt strange in all the wrong ways.

He didn't quite force you down, he just guided you-- but it wasn't gentle, either. It ended up with you laying back on his couch, the decorative throw pillows supporting your back and keeping you half-upright as Dr. Crane slotted himself between your legs, running his hands over your body through your clothes.

He hummed a little, staring down at you in this greedy, voracious way that was totally unfamiliar. You whimpered a little when his hands groped your breasts through your shirt. "Don't worry," he offered, as if it were that simple. "I told you to stimulate yourself like this each night... did you?"

"Yes," you breathed, "but, um... not so... not exactly like that."

"Show me, then."

Your hands were shaking as they took the place of his, and you thoughtlessly bit your lip as you squeezed yourself a little slower, a little gentler-- you both sighed when your fingers pinched your nipples slightly through your clothes.

He reached down to your waist, sliding his hands up under your shirt. His touch on your bare skin was... unexpected, to say the least. His hands were warm, which was a relief, but you still felt shivers run all over you as his fingers delicately moved up your sides. Under your shirt and bra, he cupped your breasts as your own hands fell away. "Like this?" he mimicked your touches, only without the barriers; and even though it made your stomach flip, you couldn't deny that what he was doing felt better than it ever had when you did it to yourself.

Not wanting to admit that to him, though, you just bit your lip harder and nodded.

Just when you started to get somewhat comfortable with-- or at least used to-- what he was doing, he pushed up your clothes to your collarbones, exposing your chest to his lascivious gaze.

"O-oh," you blurted out at the rush of cool air, at the way he stared down at you with an open, hungry mouth-- which he then suddenly latched onto one of your hardened nipples. "Oh!" you whimpered, hips rocking up against him unintentionally when he suckled hard at the sensitive bud.

He wasn't subtle about it, or all that gentle, but it wasn't too much. Thought it was certainly much more intense than you expected.

He hummed against your skin, and you continued to shake uncontrollably beneath him; it was a raw and aggressive sort of pleasure, his tongue and teeth constantly stimulating you, each movement making your pussy clench inside. He'd always told you to be slow and careful with yourself, to even tease and edge yourself if you could... apparently he didn't practice what he preached.

Apparently he didn't need to. You could tell that you were soaking your panties already. Your head was spinning; how the fuck was this actually happening?!

His mouth moved to your other nipple, his fingers tweaking the one still slick from his thorough treatment. He tilted his head, and you regretted glancing down to look at him latched into you like that. This was your doctor, your psychiatrist... you knew it was wrong, you weren't that naive. But you were apparently too stupid to figure out how to stop this.

When he broke away, he grinned up at you. "You're so sensitive here," he purred, "what other places have you found, hm? Those little spots that make your toes curl?"

It must have been a rhetorical question, because he was already pushing your skirt up to your waist. You shivered, feeling that familiar anxiety swell in your chest, but you tried to keep it down. Even if this wasn't at all how you imagined it, you did want to be done with this, to finally say you were able to move past your fear. Maybe this was just as good as any other way-- to just get it over with.

But you had to take a deep, shaky breath when his fingers hooked into your panties... gently pulling them down your thighs-- or in this case, up your thighs, since your legs were forced up and apart by his body between them.

He purred at the sight of you-- or maybe just when he saw how wet you were, but he got the feeling he already knew.

"Very good," he praised, and you sucked in a sharp breath. "You look ready."

Your eyes went wide as he sat himself back a bit, his hands hastily working on his belt and fly; you didn't want to watch him do this, but you couldn't seem to look away.

If your eyes were already wide, then they must have nearly popped out when he opened his trousers and pulled his cock out.

"I-it's too--" you blurted out instantly, scooting back on the couch a bit, recoiling away. "Dr. Crane, you're too--"

"What?" he asked innocently, though it was terribly unconvincing.

"It's too big," you whispered, and he laughed lowly.

"Don't worry about that," he sighed as he leaned down over you again, sliding himself between your slick lips with a groan. "You-- fuck-- you won't have any trouble. My god, you're soaking me already..."

He seemed pretty distracted, and wholly unbothered with your hesitance. You took a deep breath, trying to calm yourself, but you couldn't seem to soothe-- especially not when he guided his head right up to your entrance. "W-wait," you stammered suddenly, moving your hips back, "I'm not-- I'm not ready."

"I think it's time for me to make that decision for you," he said firmly. "If you never challenge yourself, you'll never overcome this."

"But I'm not--!" you began, cut off by his hand covering your mouth. There was a ferocity in his glare as he watched your face, studying the changes in your expression carefully as he penetrated you.

As you had feared, his size was an issue. Even dripping wet, you had to stretch to accommodate him... it had been years since you took anything bigger than your own two fingers. He'd had you buy a relatively thin, 'ergonomic' (as the packaging stated) vibrator to insert in yourself at home, but you'd gotten too nervous and couldn't get it in past the first inch. He told you it was all in the mind, and you thought he was right at the time, but this felt physically impossible. And it just kept going.

You whined, nearly screamed, behind his hand, and he groaned in your ear with hot and heavy breaths.

"You can take it," he assured, sliding in deeper, "you can take my cock. It's going to fit... one way or another."

You sighed with relief when his hips were flush with yours; you were shaking, a thin layer of cold sweat all over you like you'd gone through some awful thing. But it wasn't over-- it had only just begun.

"Fuck," he grunted, starting to pull back and push into you all over again. "I know it hurts now... but you'll get used to it."

At first, you thought he meant just now-- that your body would relax and adjust, which it did eventually. But that wasn't what he meant, exactly. He meant something much more long-term, if not permanent; he meant that soon enough, you would be all too comfortable being his to use.

#cillian murphy x reader #cillian murphy smut #jonathan crane x reader #jonathan crane smut

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tartstealingknave · 3 months ago

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Self aware!twst with a streamer reader:3

"Stitch's tropical Turbulence"

Inspo here !! <3 (I srsly love RoseEmber's videos, the vids r always so funny 😭😭)

Always, this is just like the first one with the streamer!reader, expect, this one is in the event!! I'll do the "cloudcalling on the savanna" event after this,I'll wait 4 the "The nightmare before Christmas" event cause I rlly like skully j graves...hes so silly..‼️

CONTENT: Azul and lilia brought the others in monge lounge (I think that's the spelling) to discuss abt the recent event!!

Azul: okay so, we are here to discuss about the event that happened with us!

Lilia: yeah, the event were we were stuck in a beach, and we had to sign a contract to azul..

Azul: it's still a decent contract, plus it's just one week, don't worry.

Ace: yeah.. "One week" of getting told to do something... Agh...

Jack: I'm still uncertain about azul's contract, sure it's pretty "harmless"

Azul: I'm hurt, you really think I'm going to do something horrible? Oh please, I'm not a monster Jack.

Riddle: I still cannot believe I was the one with the flower lei..

Ace: don't be such a partypooper riddle, plus we were at a BEACH. Actually, a beach of a deserted island.

Ace: it's like you're telling me wearing a uniform to the beach is normal, but eh, maybe you're right on the "flower lei" part.

Floyd: eh, goldfishie, you looked funny with that flower lei though.

Floyd: though I still remember what azul said to me about my attire when I said something about his..

Azul: well it's was honestly true, you said I looked like a shady man, we honestly surprised yuu alongside them.

Azul: I think they said "why is everyone roasting each other?! Oh my god!" I think it was pretty funny.

Floyd: you're right Azul! Their reaction was priceless.

Floyd: and what do you mean so "suspect" ? You looked like one of those shady business dealers!

Azul: you can't talk when you have your shirt unbuttoned in the event, it made you look like you got "fan service" as they, the player would say.

Lilia: alright! Alright! Stop fighting, even though you guys looked hilarious fighting, can we stop?

Azul: you also cannot be talking about Fanshion sense when you just said "yuu! How do I look?! Do I look adorable as I ought to be?!" And you looked pleased when they said yes to your question.

Lilia: at least they were being honest about it, now stop fighting, let's just change topics shall we?

Floyd: ugh fine, azul you're lucky.

Riddle: speaking of changing topics, I just remember about how lilia fell down from the sky.. It was loud.

Riddle: how much do you even weight? It was heavy. A heavy impact on that.

Lilia: hehe, it's none of your problem, plus, I don't need no broom to fly, a fae like me doesn't need it as I said, it's just a quick hop! Surely would have known that ages ago.

Lilia: maybe he forgot when leona's overb-

Jack: we don't talk about that situation! We also don't talk about the O word.

Riddle: I wish lilia could have had actually go to school to get help, since that would have meant we would have never signed a contract..

Azul: we know it's your worst nightmare, riddle.

Floyd: yet we couldn't turn into merform, it would have been much faster and more effective if we could have turned into merform.

Jack: oh god, I still don't like that merform of yours, it freaks me out.

(IDK IF IT DOES BUT THE VIDEO SAID EARLIER THAT JACK DOESN'T LIKE FLOYD AND JADE A LITTLE SO😭)

Floyd: hehe, shrimpy's reactions to azul's contract will never fail to amuse me.

Azul: right, it seems that they hate signing my contracts, how sad..

Riddle: I would be too.

Ace: kinda funny when they said "they gotta arrest Azul when their back on campus".

Azul: those words did make me laugh though.

Floyd: right! Shrimpy is so funny hehe.

That's the uhh end:3 it's kinda short... (I'm still making shameless!reader okay)

#julien's posts #julien's dumb posts #julien writes #julien writes crackfics #twisted wonderland #self aware twisted wonderland x reader #self aware twst #self aware twisted wonderland #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader

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lemon-russ · 4 months ago

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primarchs trying to accommodate for human frailty and getting it wrong. Leman russ thinks you will die of cold when it’s one degree outside so drops a bunch of blankets on you. Sanguinius fussing over a scratch. The lion thinks you’re dying because you’re on your period

yesssss good thank you, I wrote Lion because I haven't done him much and I think him being any sort of worried is funny.

Lion El'Jonson x Gn!Reader

“Lion, I'm fine-” you repeat, being carried unusually gingerly in his arms towards the Medicae.

He grumbles, scowling down at you with a furrowed brow. “You can't know anything of the sort. Your brain is probably irreparably damaged, and now you are even less intelligent than before.” He gruffed.

You'd made the apparently grievous mistake of tripping and bumping your head off a table. You have a small bruise on your forehead, and felt fine. It was barely a bump.

But Lion watched it happen with the same expression you imagine he'd have if he watched you be torn asunder by demons in front of him. It was actually incredibly disconcerting to witness, as you've never otherwise seen him emote more than annoyance, or at his happiest, neutrality. (Including in the bedroom. A nonplussed look and a smack on the ass was all you received as a “good job” before he'd leave without a word.)

He had moved faster than your baseline eyes could track to scoop you off the floor, and rushed off toward the medicae to “get brain scans” and “stop the bleeding before it was too late”, he'd informed you between insults to your ability to walk across a flat floor and lack of self preservation.

You sigh and gently poke at the bruise. It wasn't even a bump, it barely hurt. Lion growled a deep rumble from his chest, the noise rattling through your body pressed against him, and quickly tugged your hand to your side.

“Stop prodding it. You're probably poking yourself right in the brain. It's like you want to become more helpless and weak.” He snapped, the arm carrying you squeezing you slightly closer to his chest.

He slams a hand against the door control for the medicae, and strides right passed the shocked and confused personnel, walking you back to an empty bed and placing you on your back with a gentleness you've never seen from him, as if he's afraid you'll shatter if he touches you wrong.

He whirls on the baffled medics. “Well? Can't you see they're grievously injured?” He snaps, voice carrying the full force of his authoritative tone. The medics all jump, rushing to examine you, then exchanged confused looks between themselves and your body as they examine you.

“I- um- my Lord, there doesn't seem to be anything….?” One nervously says, looking you over.

He grumbles a noise, pointing at your barely formed bruise. “Useless! Is this the best my legion offers for its baselines? Obviously I'm talking of the gaping head wound!” He snarls.

The medics all share a long, drawn pause, gazes slowly following his gesture to your forehead. They all seem to have it click at once, and scurry to work.

“Apologies my Lord-” the head medic stammers, looking a bit confused still but clearly valuing his head being attached to his shoulders. “We didn't mean to miss such a- a serious injury…” he says, ordering the surrounding medics to prepare various brain scans.

You sigh, rolling your eyes and slumping back against the pillows. Lion just huffs with annoyance. “See to it.” He growls, plopping himself on chair next to your bed, making it groan under his weight. “I'm going to be watching every step so you can not fail further.” He grumbles. Giving you a sideways glance, then looking pointedly away from you, he slowly places a large, warm hand on your arm. You raise a brow, but say nothing, having to hold back a smirk less he sulk off in embarrassment.

He pouts, still glaring at the wall. “… be comforted.” He commands, tone softer than you'd ever heard. You can't hold back the chuckle that escapes, making him glare at you sharply, still pouting. “Ah. Delirium. This is where it starts.” He says sadly, patting your arm. “I shall… notice your absence…” he mumbles gravely. He only shakes his head sadly when that only makes you laugh harder.

#Lion el'jonson x reader #Lion el'jonson x gn!reader #Asks #beloved mutuals #my work

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nameuserlee · 6 months ago

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“Are you curious about the secrets buried underneath?”

You guessed it, it's another compilation of interesting lines I've gathered from interacting with Sylus at the café. Part 2 (links back to part 1.)

“Do you like my voice? Then you should hear me sing. I'll let you experience it sometime.”

“I'm used to shaving with a razor. It's easier.”

“Seeing you with the sunrise makes the sunlight bearable.”

“You keep poking [my chest]. Are you aiming for my heart? Or are you trying to capture it?”

“Are you trying to match my heartbeat's rhythm? I suggest you go faster.”

“And here I wondered who could possibly approach me with such aggression. It ended up being a wild, untamable Dragon Li.*”

“I'd rather take the initiative.”

“Actually, I dislike having people stand behind me. It makes me feel vulnerable. I gave you a chance... And you did this?”

“Allow me to warn you, sweetie. Suddenly hugging me from behind can be dangerous. If I hadn't seen you coming, you'd be lying on the ground and counting the ceiling lights right now.”

“I had more waist injuries than I can count. But I made sure those people paid for what they've done before those wounds had yet healed.”

“...Why are your hands shaking? I'm not terrifying, right?”

“You don't need to be on guard around me all the time. I'll tell you in advance when I make a move.”

“You're pouting to the point where a gun could hang from your lips. How long have you been upset? If you're upset, let me know. I'm here for whatever you need me to do.”

“People tend to make themselves more beautiful when looking in the mirror. So to know your true self, relying solely on what you see isn't enough.”

“Many were determined to find what they wished to see in me. And they failed. But I believe you'll be the first one to succeed, (Y/N).”

“What's the point of sneaking around to only touch it? Come here. Take my hand. Tightly hold onto it. That way the person in front of you won't be able to escape even if he wanted to.”

“Your fingerprints have been registered. You have complete access to this area now. Aren't you going to do something?”

“Are you really not going to do anything to me when you're standing right here? What a shame.”

“What, did you discern anything from my eyes? On the other hand, I noticed something about you... Something you're unwilling to admit.”

“There are many desires in your eyes. The most obvious one is... Your desire to tame me.”

*For those who were unaware like me, Dragon Li is a cat breed. Meow.

First line made me cackle, because by now we've already established he can't sing, bless his heart. Also, the shaving line... Can you imagine him with a bit of stubble? And his scratchy kisses? No? Anyone?

Also also, he really doesn't like being exposed/feeling vulnerable. Him talking about past injuries, disliking having his back turned... He's been stabbed in the back too many times. I'm bad at theory crafting, so I'm gonna leave it at that.

Anyways, this is really satisfying to put together. I want to know everything there is to know about this man. He has been consuming my every thought, and this is a way to (somewhat) get him out of my system.

#love and deepspace #lads #sylus #sylus love and deepspace #lnds sylus #lnds #do i want to keep doing this with the other li #someones probably already done it #might be time to tap into memories instead #question mark #nameuserlee

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shellswritesstuff · 1 year ago

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hi, hear me out. johnny with a s/o he meets at wu shi? like they are also a part of the earthrealm gang. THANK YOU!

(YES. OKAY OKAY I SEE THE VISION. I loooove the idea of reader being part of the main group, if you want more lmk,, id love to expand on this.)

Johnny Cage/Reader - Wu Shi Romance (HCS!) (SFW.)

𖦹 When you first arrived at the Wu Shi Academy, you felt at peace. A bit hopeful for the fights to come. You were eager to meet your teammates, those who would take on such a task to defend Earthrealm must be great people.

𖦹 You were right! For the most part...

Kung Lao, Kenshi, and Raiden were all here on their own volition. Their own personal missions and reasons for being here were noble, and you respected them. A friendship would soon blossom.

𖦹 And then there was Johnny Cage. Movie star, model, self-proclaimed 'sexy pants.' Being from Earthrealm, you knew exactly who he was. You've heard quite a bit too.. some things worse than others. 𖦹 You were a fan! Johnny's movies were some of your favorites, and now you get to meet the guy. You were excited to train in the same place as him, maybe even learn a thing or two!

𖦹 All of this was true... until he opened his mouth.

"Well hello there, pretty lady." Johnny waltzed up to you with what was either confidence or stupidity. (You'd soon come to know it was a mix of both.) "I know you're new here and all.." He raised his left arm, flexing for you.

"So, if you're ever in need of a sparring partner.." A mental note to kick his ass was taken. "...I'd be a luckiest man in the academy to get my hands on you."

This guy cant be for real right? The only way this could get any worse is if he... WINK! There it is. 𖦹 For next few months, you'd be training under Liu Kang. Spending just about all of your time with the team. (If you want more about their relationship developing lmk! I'm planning on making a drabble or maybe a slow burn!)

At first, Johnny's flirting was non-stop. Jabs between training sessions, compliments via passed notes during the monk's lectures, you name it - he's tried it. Though, his antics never failed to make you smile. It was harmless, and on days where you couldn't bare even your own company.. he was surpisingly... docile. (As well as he could be.)

𖦹 "I'm not feeling it today, Cage." You let out a huge sigh, adjusting your wrist wraps. "I'd give anything to have slept in. It's not my day, as I bet you can see." That morning, Liu Kang had you all run around Wu Shi, only stopping to do various fights. You'd felt sick from the moment you woke up, if you can call little sleep you've had rest.

Johnny had caught up to your speed, running beside you. He had said some pun about how we're 'running' out of time before the tournament. You'd at least cringe and maybe even laugh, but he only got a huff in reply. You thought he'd poke you some more, add to the impending migraine coming your way. Much to your surprise, he just ran faster.

"OH!" He collapsed to the ground, catching the attention of a few passing monks. "OH THE HUMANITY! I THINK I MAY HAVE.." Johnny winked at you before grasping his side. "PULLED A HAMMY! THIS.. THIS IS IT FOR ME.. OH IF ONLY SOMEONE WOULD HELP ME." He reached out his hand for dramatic effect as people surrounded him.

The training drill was swiftly cancelled for the day.

After dinner that night, you found yourself at 'injured' Johnny's door.

"Knock knock." You made your presence known as you slid open the sliding door. "Feeling better after pulling that hammy?" Johnny sat up with ease, meeting your gaze as you leaned against the partition. "Learned that in Hollywood?"

"Who said I can't act, huh?" He grinned, pretending to shove dust off his sleeves. "More importantly, are you feeling better?"

𖦹 From that day on, you two would gradually grow closer. Sitting next to each other for breakfast and dinner, and even partnering up for sparring. He'd still insist on going easy on you, but after a few ass kicking later, Johnny would learn not to underestimate you.

(I have SOOO much to say, so I'll make this a two parter! Thank you soooo much for reading and my ask box is open!!)

#mk1 #johnny cage #johnny cage x reader #mk x reader #mortal kombat #mortal kombat x reader #liu kang #mk headcanons #mk drabbles #mk fic #mk fanfic

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hongthoven · 2 years ago

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Paper Planes ✈ nerdy!hongjoong x reader (smut)

The room was quiet except for the lava lamp on his bedside table and the heavy, guttural groans he had failed to cover as Hongjoong felt himself reaching climax a bit faster with each stroke. His fist tightly wrapped around himself with a fair mix of saliva and his own arousal pooling into his palm as the most natural lube, Hongjoong tried his best to solely focus on the helpless moans coming from the next room, perfectly conscious of how fucked-up he must have looked right now, jerking off to his roommate having sex with a girl he could only wish to ever touch, someday, given the opportunity of her seeing him as anything more than her boyfriend’s nerdy roommate.

⁂ warnings:

smut, handjob (m), oral (f. receiving), voyeurism, unprotected sex (don't do this, kids!), hongjoong is a soft nerd with a heavy crush on Y/N, soft sex, bit of fluff if you squint, all in all some cute nerdy sex, also hj is a gentleman, asking for permission and all.

⁂ author's notes:

Hi ♥ (insert shy wave to the crowd) I'm sort-of-kinda-maybe back with this piece that was requested by a moot (hi, moot! ♥) but bear with me I'm still going through massive struggles with my writing. Apologies if it's shit. Apologies if there's spelling mistakes, I can't seem to english lately? (still not my first language though so yeah there's that I guess) - hmm anyway, I went all soft on Joongie with that one but who can blame me really, have you SEEN him?

As usual, feedbacks are more than welcome. Pls be nice. ♥

one shot | 5.2k words

“Fuck…! Hwa! HARDER…!”

Instantly flustered at the sound of her voice begging for more, it took him all the strength he had left not to growl louder as his fist increased the pace, matching the filth of his thoughts as Hongjoong pictured himself pounding deeper into the girl of his dreams, her perfect figured pinned into the mattress as his name escaped her lips through a scream, eyes glued on her perfect, bouncing tits and that single mole that always caught his attention whenever she wore one of her signature v-neck cardigans. Biting into his bottom lip as he recalled the day she had shamelessly admitted she loved to wear knitted tops without a bra only to enjoy the soft fabric on her naked skin, Hongjoong could feel himself slowly falling apart.

While he was sadly used to being the inevitable witness of his roommate’s wild sexcapades, Hongjoong couldn’t help but think he would definitely be a better lover than Seonghwa could ever be, to her. Knowing his friend, Hongjoong had painted a pretty self-centered portrait of Seonghwa through his own stories and confessions. He knew how much he loved the attention without truly giving much back. Sex was never about having a deep connection with his partners and while he claimed to be pretty amazing at it, Hongjoong just couldn’t stop picturing himself in this room instead, worshiping that girl’s body until she begged him to stop. Not that he would, but the thought of her clenching and shaking into his arms, whimpering sweet nothings as his name flew through her lips over and over again was enough to—

Fuck— He had made an absolute mess of himself.

Red at the cheeks, his shirt sticking to his sweaty chest, swollen lips from biting at it too hard to cover up his own profanities, Hongjoong opened his eyes again to stare at the three paper planes attached to his ceiling lights. Over time, he had grown quite fond of those, using it as a distraction when things were getting out of hand next door and he was definitely too tired to rub another one out.

A little more composed, Hongjoong shifted into his sheets to get a better look at the disaster below: His checked PJ bottoms pushed down to his thighs were covered with a thick white mess, his semi-hard cock resting over his stomach, twitching through one last spur as a couple more drops trailed down his hip bone like a river filled with his most unspeakable fantasies.

Collecting himself , Hongjoong reached for the matching checked vest he had gotten rid of earlier, using it as an emergency towel to wipe himself off, collecting as much of his own fluid as possible before he sat on the edge of the bed, crouching his dirty laundry against his thighs until his breathing was back to normal and his erection tucked into his pants again. Biting on the inside of his cheeks, Hongjoong couldn’t find the inevitable shameful feeling as he suddenly felt exposed, vulnerable, and absolutely disgusting.

Next door, things had gotten quiet too and while he wished the fantasies would have stopped immediately, Hongjoong couldn’t help picturing Y/N’s body snuggling into his chest, still trembling from his assaults, her strawberry lips reaching for a kiss. God. Why did she have to be that beautiful? Her scent often remained through the dorm hours after she had left, like a torturous reminder of what her skin would taste like if he was allowed a single bite.

Not that he would settle for one.

But still.

Feeling himself getting worked up at the simplest thought of her giving him that sort of attention, Hongjoong decided to escape his room to get rid of the dirty evidence of his sins, his throat burning for a cold glass of water. Grabbing his glasses from the pillow where they had dropped earlier through the urge of his intimate moment, Hongjoong finally lifted himself off the mattress, his legs still a little numb from the ecstasy.

Seonghwa’s door was closed, which he took as a blessing considering the many occasions he had walked past his roommate’s bedroom, catching the inevitable through a partially open door. Though he was definitely ashamed to admit, Hongjoong had found himself peeping through the thin opening a couple times before. It’s not like he wanted to see, but curiosity had killed the cat the moment his eyes had come across the filthiest sight of Y/N bending over Seonghwa, mouth full of him as he buried himself deep down her throat with both his fists keeping her head low. The view was absolutely obscene, making it impossible for Hongjoong to keep his eyes off her as she remained spread out with her knees into the mattress, her panties pushed to the side, her glistening slit making him foam at the mouth as she pushed two of her fingers into her dripping core. From where he stood, Hongjoong could almost hear the quenching sound of her cunt tightening around her digits, wishing to taste the shiny coat covering her skin as she painfully moaned around another man's cock. While jealousy was eating him alive, Hongjoong was lucky enough to have enough imagination to picture himself in that bed with her instead of Seonghwa.

At this moment, he wasn’t a perv looking freak staring at a couple having sex with a hand down his pants, he was the one making her wet to the point she couldn’t keep her own fingers off herself.

The fond memory of her fingers scissoring her opening to the point he could almost feel how tight she would be around him simply vanished in front of his eyes as soon as the door opened, bringing him back to present and the brutal reality of him standing in front of Y/N with his clothes covered with his own cum.

She was wearing Seonghwa’s frat house sweater, which unfortunately made it too easy for him to pretend it was his, the greek lettering staring back at him as the fabric seemed to wrap her up entirely like a robe but not enough for Hongjoong to ignore the fact she had nothing else on as her thighs were fully exposed. He could only wish she had the decency to wear panties around him, otherwise he would probably go insane.

“That’s an odd time to be doing your laundry?” Of course she had to make that comment. Regardless of the mess of his schedule as a Computer and Informational Sciences Major, Hongjoong couldn’t find a good reason why he would decide to do a late night laundry on a wednesday.

Still, nothing came close to the awkwardness of his silence following her remark.

“Couldn’t sleep” He eventually blurted out, tightening his grip around his clothes while hoping she wouldn’t catch any suspicious stain. He knew he probably looked nervous right now, a small layer of sweat covering his forehead where a couple of his golden curls were still plastered from earlier. His glasses had slipped all the way down to the tip of his nose, making him look like a rabbit caught in the headlights and if that wasn’t enough for her to realize something was off, his voice sounded nothing like his usual composed tone. He was stuttering, almost struggling to use actual words when he was supposedly a head student.

How embarrassing.

“Aw, fuck… Did we keep you up?”

She was now standing with her back against the closed door, one leg above the other like some frozen-in-time ballerina, a small smirk twisting her lips as she kept her gaze locked with his. Pretending he didn’t hear them having sex would be a sad attempt at an obvious lie. Y/N had been there too many times not to realize how thin the dorm’s walls were. Thinking about it, Hongjoong inevitably wondered if she had ever caught him whimpering through the wall, the obvious creaking sound of his bed suddenly turning into the devastating evidence of his late night activities.

Her smile grew bigger as silence remained between them.

Of course she knew he could hear them, and as a man of sciences who hated to assume without actual facts, Hongjoong was now struggling to deny the obvious content painted all over her face right now. Was she actually enjoying this thought?

“I—I—Umm… I didn’t h-hear much, don’t worry”

He hated himself for stuttering so much over nothing, but at least, he was being honest about the whole situation, only keeping the saucy part of it for his own secret space. Y/N on the other hand, simply brushed the thought off with the cutest pout, emphasizing on the fact she obviously didn’t mind being heard. The fact it might have been a turn-on of hers still remained pretty vague, though.

“Can’t hear much, uh? So if we fucked in the next room, Seonghwa wouldn’t wake up?”

Hongjoong had to blink a couple times just to make sure she wouldn’t vanish in front of his eyes. Clearly, this was another of his fucked-up fantasies, only a little too vivid for him to feel safe. His roommate’s girlfriend couldn’t be standing there, suggesting for him to fuck her into the room right next to the one where her boyfriend was still fast asleep.

“I— I guess it would be just the same, you know, uh, walls work both ways…”

Walls. work. both. ways?

Now he truly hated himself for coming up with the lamest possible answer to an obvious attempt at disarming him with a flirty suggestion. Why couldn’t he be cool for once and play along? Most of his friends would probably be head first into her breast right now but him? No. He just HAD to be the lamest guy to ever walk the Earth.

“Are you trying to find actual science facts to make a point?” She laughed, which made it even worse for Hongjoong as his brain simply couldn’t avoid the scientific parts of every thought ever crossing his mind.

“You’re such a nerd, Joong…”

Hongjoong couldn’t point out the worst part of this whole interaction as she walked closer to him, her hand traveling up his chest, sending his heart into a racing pace that almost got him dizzy while her scent was all over him, draping him with a sweet mix of vanilla and a specific kind of flower he couldn’t identify with her palm ghosting his cheek as she stared into his soul. She looked even more beautiful from this close as Hongjoong looked down through his glasses still resting at the tip of his nose, his jaw suddenly lacking some strength as his mouth remained slightly open for her to graze her thumb over his plump, bottom lip.

As a simple touch of her hand sent him through oblivion, Hongjoong was frozen into space, unable to move, talk or do anything but focus hard enough to hide the obviousness of his erection poking through his pants. Pushing his dirty laundry against himself while gulping whatever was left of saliva down his throat, Hongjoong silently prayed for a quick relief as Y/N took off his glasses to try them on as her soft giggles echoed down the corridor.

“God– you’re practically blind?

"I– actually I have pseudopapilledema, that’s uh— an issue with the retinal nerve fiber layer?"

"I love it when you talk dirty to me, Hongjoong”

Hongjoong was thankful to hear the sweet sound of her laugh as his down-to-earth way of thinking often made him miss the point or ignore the obvious sarcasm in one’s tone. Lucky for him, Y/N always made sure to be extremely bold, sometimes a little too much for his own comfort.

Pushing his glasses back up his nose, the touch of her hands upon his ears sending shivers down his spine, Y/N flashed him one last smile and excused herself to the bathroom, wishing an unspoken goodnight as she abruptly cut their special moment short. While he already missed her touch, Hongjoong inevitably welcomed this peaceful moment to himself, taking a deep breath until he was able to walk to the laundry room, Y/N never leaving his thoughts for even a second.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Back to his room minutes later with a glass of water, Hongjoong’s heart almost jumped off his chest at the sight in front of him as soon as he walked through the door. Sitting on the edge of his bed, Y/N seemed to have a curious look around his personal space, the only place no one was ever allowed in, stepping into his cocoon in the most violent way possible as his eyes instantly caught sight of her bare thighs grazing his sheets. The very same sheets he was laying in while jerking off to her, earlier in the night.

“I like the paper planes…” She simply stated, crossing one leg above the other as her chin pointed at the ceiling. There was something terribly erotic about the fact she now shared his view, that special view he only had when laying down his bed while she was getting pounded next door. It almost felt like a terrible joke, a crossover he never saw coming, and yet, he loved to see her in that scene, a stranger lost in a painting that didn’t fit her aesthetic.

“Wh-what are you doing?” Hongjoong barely managed to blurt out, still stunned at the sight of the girl of his dreams sitting on his own bed

“I was curious, to be honest I almost expected some Star Wars beddings… But these are nice… I like the fabric…”

Swallowing his painfully sinful thoughts away, Hongjoong watched as Y/N grabbed a fistful of his sheets, creasing the fabric into her palm the same way she would if he was on top of her with his hips rocketing between these thighs he couldn’t keep his eyes off.

“Ever fucked a girl in there?”

Smiling proudly to herself, her bottom lip tucked between her teeth, Y/N couldn’t hide her excitement at the sight of the helpless nerdy boy in front of her, struggling to compose himself as words failed to reach his lips. He was closer to choking over his own saliva than giving a decent answer to her invasive interrogations.

He simply decided to shake his head no.

After all, he was being honest. No girl had ever walked into this room before.

Until tonight. Until Y/N.

“Sad. So this bed is only for you to jerk off, hmm?”

Her pout and the way she tilted her head to the side made it difficult for Hongjoong to contain himself. He knew she was purposely pushing all the right buttons, making sure he was crumbling into her palms until he was openly confessing to her. She wasn’t even trying to hide her enthusiasm at the thought of being here, in his room, barely dressed as he ultimately came up with a very shy confirmation of her own statement. Nodding like a puppy caught peeing on a carpet, Hongjoong pressed his middle finger to his glasses, pushing them back up not to look more pitiful than he actually seemed right now.

“Curious about what you’d think about while touching yourself…” She added, still smirking as a devil, her fingers plummeting over her bare thighs like an invitation.

“Ever thought about me?” she smiled, wincing slightly like she didn’t know he was the only girl on his mind whenever his fist found its way into his sweatpants. She couldn’t miss his gaze whenever she walked by or the way he only seemed to see her in a crowded room, smiling shyly when she actually gave him a minute of her precious attention. If anything, Hongjoong was obsessed with her to the point he didn’t even know if he would ever be able to cum to the thought of anyone else.

Not that he wanted to.

Finding himself unable to lie to her face, Hongjoong gave her a simple nod as a silent confession for his late night sins. By now, her nails were grazing her thighs a little deeper, thin white lines following their path as Hongjoong couldn’t help but shiver a little, picturing his own hands kneading her flesh.

“Kneel” she surprisingly commanded, the foot that was previously traveling up and down his leg to briefly brush his throbbing cock now tapping the side of his knee until it bent as Hongjoong immediately granted her wish by falling knees first in front of her, his lips slightly parted as he looked up at her in awe.

Now that she was close enough to stare at his delicate features, Y/N found herself amazed at the sight of his plump, pink lips and the couple freckles scattered all over his cheeks and nose, almost too discrete to be seen if she wasn’t merely an inch away from him, his unstable breathing fanning over her own face.

Sliding over the edge of the mattress, Y/N leaned forward to grab his face between her palms, ghosting her lips over his as a soft chuckle escaped her as soon as Hongjoong took the deepest breath, his entire body shivering from the newly found proximity between them. As much as he tried to collect himself, both his fists tearing his sweatpants apart over his folded thighs, Hongjoong couldn’t contain the surprised groan coming out of his throat the moment her lips crashed upon his. Tracing the outline of his mouth, Y/N took pride in the way Hongjoong seemed to dismantle into her hands, his entire body leaning forward like a magnet that couldn’t be pulled away from her intoxicating scent as he unexpectedly deepened the kiss.

When it came to kissing, Hongjoong was the complete opposite to Seonghwa. While his roommate liked to impose his dominance by holding her jaw still and taking the lead, Hongjoong was far more docile and careful with his moves. There was something about the way his tongue almost shyly explored her mouth, like he was trying to hide his devastating lack of experience while proving himself to her.

Her hands quickly traveled from the back of his neck to his curls, tousling his messy locks between her fingers as she granted him a better, privileged space between her legs. Nervous but completely over the moon, Hongjoong reluctantly broke the kiss to take a couple unsettled breaths, his glossy eyes staring right into her soul.

“Is it— is it okay if I touch you?” He finally dared to ask, his hands almost burning to take a proper grab at the thighs he was only ghosting timidly so far.

Y/N couldn’t help but giggle a little, one of her hands abandoning his mane to palm his fiery cheek while her thumb grazed his plump lips to collect her own saliva with a soft smile.

“You’re really something else, Kim Hongjoong…”

She went silent for a while, staring into his eyes like she was seeing him from a whole new point of view, and while Hongjoong could have taken this remark the wrong way, he was smart enough to realize that, sadly, she was simply not used to men treating her decently - a terrible realization that instantly increased his urge to keep her into his arms and let her know she was safe.

Never breaking their eye-contact, Y/N slowly grabbed both of his hands, guiding him as they traveled along her bare legs as Hongjoong couldn’t help but blush a little harder as he felt goosebumps covering her skin, appalled to even consider the fact he may have had some sort of effect on the girl of his dreams - thinking about it, he was still anxiously waiting to wake up from the obvious dream he was stuck in.

“So now tell me… What would you like to do to me?”

A little taken aback, Hongjoong had to tilt his head downwards, too afraid for her to read his mind through his desperate eyes as his specs once again slipped to the edge of his perfect, pointy nose. Eager to catch every ounce of his reaction, Y/N instantly lifted his chin up to lock his gaze once more, a sincere smile curving her strawberry lips.

“If you can’t speak, you’re gonna have to show me, you know?”

Hongjoong could feel his heartbeat increasing with every second passing by, each of the words coming out her mouth whacking him in the face like an ice bucket. While his skin was covered with a thin coat of sweat, his entire body was shivering, her attitude mixed with their proximity definitely messing with every nerve in his brain. Still, terrified to see her leave as he failed to speak again, Hongjoong surprised himself with his next move as he leaned forward to graze his lips over her neck, pecking a random spot as he waited for her reaction.

The gesture, sweet, tender and yet incredibly intimate, took her by surprise, her hips tilting forward at the sound of his lips smacking together so close to her ear, like a primal reaction from her aching body as desire started to build inside of her. What started as a little game fueled by her compulsory curiosity was slowly backfiring as she pushed her legs together a bit tighter to lock his body between her thighs, her ankles crossed upon his lower-back as Hongjoong took it as a signal to move forward. Though his breathing was hectic and warm against her skin, he seemed to be surprisingly confident with the way his lips traveled up and down her neck, his ego slowly growing as she tried to contain her moan against her tightly shutted lips.

Definitely jacked up on the sounds faintly escaping her mouth as she tilted her head back, Hongjoong allowed his hands to move upwards, pushing past the hem of her oversized sweater, his fingertips flirting with the thin fabric of her underwear until he eventually settled for her hips as he delicately pushed her further towards the edge of the bed as both of their breathing increased under the sudden heat wave gathered through their embrace.

His hungry mouth was all over her neck, nipping along her throat, licking a stripe over her jawline, nibbling at her lips until she was left panting and begging for more, her slightly opened mouth welcoming his surprisingly skilled tongue back for a much longer and fievery kiss that left them both groaning in pure agony once they broke it, a thin string of saliva keeping their mouth tied in the most obscene way.

Looking down to the place where his palm and her most intimate secrets met, Hongjoong couldn’t recall the precise moment when his hand had found its way between her legs but as he looked up into her eyes, looking for a green light, he was more than pleased to see her nod impatiently, waiting for him to cut her out of her misery as his painfully slow kisses had definitely sent her over the edge.

“Tell me when to stop” Hongjoong felt the need to ask as his slightly nervous hands pulled at her underwear, rolling it down her legs until it pooled to the carpeted floor.

Y/N could feel the way her heart seemed to stop every time he asked for permission, her cheeks burning up at the comfort his voice seemed to bring her and the way his hands only seemed to follow her instructions. Hongjoong’s touch was softer than anything she had ever experienced before, every brush of his fingertips filled with adoration as he looked up into her eyes one last time, right before he disappeared between her knees to get a first taste of her inner thigh, his teeth slowly grazing the softest part of her flesh as he took his time to explore that place he had only dreamed of.

Palming her thigh, Hongjoong gently pushed one of her legs a bit further apart, allowing himself a wider access to the spot she needed him the most. Any other man would have probably commented on how wet she already was, bragging about how eager she seemed, desperate to be fucked, but Hongjoong only found some genuine pleasure in the way she instantly pushed her hips forward, her hands landing at the back of his head once again as he took a first, painfully slow taste of her cunt.

When it came to eating pussy, Hongjoong wasn’t exactly the most skilled partner Y/N could have wished for, but to her own surprise, he wasn’t half as bad as most of the men she had been with before. His patience knew no boundary as he made sure to explore every single part of her, darting his tongue to tease her clit every time it landed flat against her aching hole, dripping all over his chin as both of his hands kept her thighs apart so he could feast properly.

Looking down, Y/N was faced with the most beautiful sight of him, the entire bottom half of his precious face buried into her as his lips and chin seemed coated with her own arousal when he finally looked up at her with the softest smile, her heart skipping a beat as he realized just how much she needed him to wreck her insides now. He looked magnificent and painfully innocent as he took a couple kitty licks from her slit, his eyes never leaving hers as her thighs started to shudder slightly, the urge to ruin his perfect face growing wilder as she started to grind a little harder against his mouth, her hands keeping him tightly locked there as he welcomed her assaults with throaty moans while her taste was all over his tongue.

“Fu-u-uck I’m close— keep going— don’t you fucking stop” she yelped, her hips chasing climax as she started quivering. His hands traveling up her chest as his mouth relentlessly guided her to the the edge, Hongjoong started to palm her breast, her hardened buds rolling against his fingertips, collecting a louder moan as he flicked her nipples and kneaded her flesh until she was left shaking and whining, almost begging him to stop as his lips remained tightly wrapped around her clit, cheeks hollowed as he sucked a couple more desperate pleas out of her.

Panting- out of breath- Y/N suddenly felt dizzy as she took a couple blinks towards the ceiling, the three paper planes spiraling at a crazy pace to match the intensity of her heartbeat as she struggled to come down from her high. She looked absolutely fucked out as she rested above the bed, slightly to the side with her sweater up her tits while Hongjoong kept a delicate trail of sloppy kisses along her legs, knees and thighs, his chin brushing against her stomach as he finally crawled back up and on top of her.

“Are you okay?”

Again, the innocence, the kindness, his absolute pure heart.

Brushing a hand through his damp hair, Y/N simply nodded as their lips crashed together through a soft kiss. She could still taste herself all over his tongue as he inhaled through their embrace, his heart filled with nothing but absolute bliss.

Burying her head into his neck, Y/N only now realized just how good he smelled, the delicacy of his perfume wrapping her into a comforting place she surprisingly wished she could call hers as her hands traveled down to his sweatpants, pulling at the two strings that kept it tight against his bony hips, ready to return the favor when he suddenly grabbed her wrist, stopping her.

“You don’t have to do this– not tonight…” He whispered, pushing their foreheads together as she gave him a little pout, hoping to collect more of those timid moans he had granted her while going down on her. Still, it was once again completely new to have a man declining a payback, especially when it involved her doing all the work while he laid flat on his back, enjoying the sight of a mouthful.

While she couldn’t deny how much she appreciated him for it, Y/N was still hungry for more, every fiber of her skin burning with need as she bathed herself in Hongjoong’s now familiar scent. Her hand still close to his painfully hard cock, Y/N took the opportunity of a peaceful moment of intimacy to pull down his pants and guide him towards her entrance without a word.

Taken off guard, his mouth agape, Hongjoong locked his gaze with her as she wrapped her legs around his hips, pushing him forward until he was completely buried, her tight cunt swallowing him up entirely as he slowly filled her up to the brim.

“Don’t move. Just stay like that for a while” she instructed, her hands pushing his hair back as she once again melted her lips with his, enjoying the simple feeling of being completely filled. There was something terribly intimate in the way their bodies connected, never breaking apart or moving an inch until she finally allowed him to.

Hongjoong wasn’t exactly a rough lover, but his thrusts weren’t as soft and tender as she expected them to be. Her fists tightening around a couple of his locks, Y/N covered her screams against his shoulder, taking a soft bite into his flesh as Hongjoong took a strong grip of her hips to slowly push himself back in, deeper with each thrust as they started to build a comfortable yet intense pace together. There was no miracle to this situation as Hongjoong knew he wouldn’t last long. As much as he wished he could have stolen another orgasm from the girl of his dreams, there was so much he could take after everything happening to him tonight.

Collecting her hands from the back of his head, Hongjoong pushed their intertwined fingers into the mattress on each side of her face as he increased the pace, his eyebrows knitted together as he could feel himself reaching climax a bit faster every time she swallowed him back, her tightness almost suffocating his throbbing cock as he reached for her lips, taking a surprising bite into her flesh as his moans turned into the most delicious whimpering, his hips jolting uncontrollably while he suddenly pulled out, hoping to collect his release into his palm but failing miserably as it pooled all over Y/N’s stomach.

Red at the cheeks, Hongjoong instantly collapsed on top of her, his tired lips coming up with some barely audible apologies for the mess he had made. His heart was thumping against her chest as she wrapped him into her arms, his damp hair glued to her neck as he tried to collect himself.

Pecking his forehead tenderly, Y/N looked up to the ceiling while listening to Hongjoong’s heavy breathing, hoping to see more of the paper planes in the future.

#ateez smut #hongjoong smut #kim hongjoong #ateez #hongjoong x reader #nerdy hongjoong

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transmutationisms · 1 year ago

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i have a handful of anonymous asks in my inbox right now asking about harm reduction as applied to eating disorders that their loved ones are experiencing. i'm not answering these individually, both because it would get repetitive and because i don't know your loved ones and can't give them personal advice, but i did want to say a few general things on this topic.

the basic principles of harm reduction are the same in regards to EDs as anything else. the point here is not to force a person to stop doing something dangerous (this is impossible) or even to pressure them to stop (this also doesn't work, and will often have the effect of making you into a person they don't feel safe around and can't turn to for help, thus actually decreasing their access to support and resources). instead, the goal of harm reduction generally is to give people the knowledge and resources they need to engage in risky behaviours as safely as possible. the reasons people do things that are physically or socially harmful to them vary, obviously, but in general these behaviours are serving some purpose in the person's life, like providing emotional 'blunting' they need to deal with otherwise intolerable circumstances, or meeting a physical need for specific substances. harm reduction meets people where they are, beginning with the premise that they deserve basic respect, dignity, and self-determination, whether or not they continue to engage in behaviours that may be endangering them.

some baseline harm reduction strategies for EDs could include:

take necessary safety precautions if (over)exercise is a feature of the disorder, or if you are at risk for fainting; ideally, have someone around (or reachable by phone) who can help in case of injury

do your best to compensate for any micronutrient deficiencies resulting from food restriction; dietary supplementation may be necessary

know if any substances/pharmaceuticals you may use (recreationally or not) can affect you more strongly, faster, or more dangerously on an empty stomach; here, harm reduction for EDs will overlap with harm reduction for drug use

know the signs of electrolyte imbalance and resultant cardiac events, particularly in EDs involving purging by laxative use or self-induced vomiting; keep a stockpile of items like sports drinks/gels that can rapidly replenish electrolytes; know where to seek emergency medical treatment and how to recognise when it may be vitally necessary

monitor long-term health risks, like bone density loss, tooth enamel damage, hyperglycaemia (in cases of diabulimia), &c. note that both this step and the above require finding medical practitioners who will treat patients non-judgmentally and without threat of institutionalisation

....and so forth.

harm reduction plans are highly individualised: they depend on the person's own goals and desires. a harm reduction plan might include strategies for engaging in ED behaviours less frequently or intensely, and may even include a long-term goal of recovery. however, harm reduction has not 'failed' if the person doesn't want to, or can't, reduce frequency or severity of behaviours right now or ever. ED harm reduction that does include goals for reducing behaviours, without necessarily trying to eliminate them entirely, might include strategies like:

purge less frequently; avoid or reduce flushing and chew/spit

reduce food restriction by raising calorie limits, not counting calories at all, eating certain 'fear foods', &c

identify triggers for restriction, binging/purging, &c; try to avoid those triggers (& possibly enlist assistance doing this)

ask someone trusted to eat with you if this would help you, for example, become more comfortable with eating non-restrictively, and turn eating into a social connection rather than a stressful event

consume a sufficient amount of food regularly and consistently <- this is the bedrock of all recovery work

again, though, the particular strategies in a person's harm reduction plan will depend on what they want to implement and are capable of doing right now. a person who's not ready for any step that asks them to engage in fewer behaviours, or to engage in behaviours less frequently, can still benefit from a harm reduction approach if they're interested. this is a conversation that should always be approached non-judgmentally and with the understanding that any harm reduction plan depends on the person's own capacities and goals. harm reduction is not about telling someone else what would be 'best' for them in an 'ideal' world. it's about meeting them where they are right now.

something important to note about EDs is that efforts to restrict food and food groups and to shrink body size are considered extremely common and 'normal' in much of the contemporary popular culture, and are frequently encouraged and prescribed by medical practitioners. this means that even when you are worried about someone with a self-endangering ED, there is often a considerable risk that, in trying to help them, you might still be promoting or acceding to the same fatphobic logic that can fuel the ED. if you, for instance, think that pursuing intentional weight loss is generally benign or healthy; if you have ideas about what size a person's body 'should' be based on things like actuarial charts; if you think that some foods are universally 'bad' and need to be restricted or eliminated; if you think that food should be 'earned' or compensated for by physical activity—stop, do not pass go, and do not try to dispense any kind of advice, harm reduction or otherwise, to someone struggling with an ED. you are not capable of being a resource here unless and until you are committed to a politics of fat liberation, disability rights, mad liberation, and anti-racism. you are not reducing harm if you are contributing to further entrenching the cultural beliefs and economic mechanisms of fatphobia and body fascism that the ED itself thrives on.

(**i am not saying that all EDs start or end with the desire to be thin as articulated through white supremacist body ideals, but it is a very common feature at this moment in history, and having these ideas reinforced, including through the lens of medical fatphobia, can certainly contribute to or worsen already-present behaviours and thought patterns where EDs are concerned.)

harm reduction also means giving a person the knowledge they need to evaluate their own goals and needs. in regards to EDs specifically, lots of public health communication is confounded by industry-funded diet and 'obesity' research that prescribes food restriction, compensatory exercise, and other recognisably 'eating disordered' behaviours, especially to fat people. many people with EDs, and their loved ones, may not even realise how many misconceptions they have learned about body size, nutrition, and the health risks of EDs. some basic places to start learning about these things from a weight-neutral / fat-liberationist angle that i would suggest include: christy harrison's podcast 'food psych' (her book is also decent but treads a lot of the same ground); gwyneth olwyn's work; lindo bacon and lucy aphramor's papers on 'health at every size'; jennifer gaudiani's book 'sick enough', which is a good starter resource on the medical effects of EDs. note that none of these resources are working within an explicitly harm reductionist framework, and imo make some missteps in this arena! but they still contain insights and information that can be useful to those who are interested in harm reduction, and to those with EDs generally.

harm reduction can be a tool to recovery, or a step on that road; it can also be an alternative for people who are not ready to seek recovery, and who may never be ready. the reality is that you cannot force someone to stop engaging in behaviours they rely on to live, whether drug use, EDs, or anything else. harm reduction proceeds from this place and from a fundamental commitment to respect for people who are generally already suffering. when approaching a loved one, you may or may not be able to initiate a conversation in which you express, eg, that you are worried about them hurting themselves, and would like to offer whatever emotional or material resources you can to help. but you have to go into any such interaction understanding that they may very well already know all of the risks of what they're doing, and may have other reasons they can't or don't want to stop. if you're trying to impose your will on them---by force, pressure, or coercion---you're not doing harm reduction, and you're most likely alienating them and turning yourself into a person they don't feel safe around where these behaviours are concerned.

#harm reduction #eating disorders

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hauntinglyhaunted · 9 months ago

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Creepypasta Headcanons!

(Jeffery Woods, Eyeless Jack, Toby Rogers.)

Starting off with our crispy himself!

Jeffery Woods:

I actually believe he'd be moderately okay with self care (with the exception of showering, because he's gross 🧍)

Like, he def keeps different kinds of lotions to help hydrate his burn scars (I'm projecting ikik) and has a variety of different scents.

I actually think he doesn't have a strict preference for what kind of music he listens to, but tends to listen to heavy metal or older emo music.

Def listens to ICP. You can't change my mind.

I actually heavily headcanon him as someone that'll pick at his skin, specifically the skin on his fingers/hands. It's a bad habit that he has tried (and failed) to shake off.

Drinks monster/energy drinks like its WATER.

He's the type of guy to point at someone's concert shirt and ask them to name 3-5 songs

Eyeless Jack:

Out of any of the pastas, I believe he'd be the best when it comes to self care-- Considering the idea of him originally wanting to be a surgeon.

Carries hand sanitizer with him EVERYWHERE.

I believe he has a habit of over washing his hands and is constantly using hand sanitizer.

He has sensitive hearing from his heightened senses, so I believe he'd keep earplugs on him 24/7

Tried to prepare organs like someone would a sandwich, he regretted that.

The type of guy that doesn't pick up on humor. You quote something online around this guy and he'll just take it as you being dead serious.

Tried to eat human food so he could feel "normal" again, but it made him sick. Still tries it every now and then, but it can result in him just curled up on the floor. Think of how some people that are lactose intolerant will still eat dairy (you know who you are 🙄)

In some med schools, it's actually preferred to know a second language (that could also just be where I live, so 🚶) and I actually believe he knows bits of Spanish.

Parts of his life before the sacrifice is actually a major blur for him, it's like looking through a fog for him.

Hates the smell of mint.

I feel like he mainly uses echolocation. Or if he could "see" anything, it would probably be like seeing the temperature of something

Example:

Bro constantly cold. It could be the middle of July and he'd probably be LAYERED up. Long sleeves, hoodies, etc.

Toby Rodgers:

Chews. His fingers, the scar on his cheek, dead skin on his lips, he just chews.

Unironically wears socks and sandals

Due to high levels of stress, I like to think he'd have white steaks/patches in his hair. :]

Tried to give himself a piercing once, it didn't work out. It scarred.

Either Midwest emo or grunge, you can't change my mind!

Has listened to the front bottoms (father...) and the mountain goats.

Listens to Nirvana sometimes. 👏

Due to his trauma, he prefers to not drive or ride in the passenger seat. He either forces himself to sleep or zones out SOOOO hard.

Since he can't go get his hair cut professionally for obvious reasons, some of his hair is uneven since he doesn't know how to cut it properly.

Toby doesn't like sweetened coffee, he either drinks it black or eats instant coffee because "it works faster"

He regretted this.

Got my first ACTUAL post down! Hope you guys like it! Tried to keep it lighthearted since it's a starter. I take requests btw. :]

#creepypasta #jeffery woods #jeff the killer #jack nyras #eyeless jack #toby rogers #ticci toby #creepypasta headcanon

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serickswrites · 3 months ago

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Race Against the Clock

Warnings: captivity, potential drowning, rescue attempt, self sacrifice

Team Leader stared at the lid to the tank. There had to be a way out. There had to be a way to break the lock from the inside. There just had to be.

"Team Leader," Smallest Teammate said, their voice rising with panic, "the water is rising, Team Leader."

Team Leader knew that. Team Leader knew that the water was rising at an alarming rate. Whumper had said they would be dead in less than half an hour. Team Leader hadn't believed Whumper. But as the water rose above Team Leader's ankles, they were beginning to think that Whumper had been honest for once.

"It's ok, Smallest Teammate. The rest of the team is on their way. They'll get here in time."

"Are you sure?" Smallest Teammate's lower lip quivered.

Team Leader forgot how young and fresh Smallest Teammate was. How new to this life. How innocent. "Positive," Team Leader lied. While the team may not arrive in time for both of them, Team Leader was going to ensure that the team arrived in time for Smallest Teammate.

***

"Run faster!" Teammate One shouted at the rest of the team. They had caught Whumper ten minutes ago. Whumper had cackled and said even if they left now, they wouldn't make it in time to save Team Leader and Smallest Teammate.

"We are running as fast as we can," Teammate Two hissed. They were just as anxious to get to Team Leader and Smallest Teammate as Teammate One.

"I've already told our medical team to meet us there," Teammate Four said as they hurried along. "We'll make it. We have to."

***

"Team Leader, what are we going to do?" Smallest Teammate asked softly as they stopped trying to bang on the glass. They struggled to tread water, their arms flailing wildly.

"I'm working on it, Smallest Teammate," Team Leader said as they swam faster, trying to keep their head above water. "You'll be ok, Smallest Teammate."

"I....I...I can't swim," Smallest Teammate said as they began to sob.

"I'll swim for you. Just keep your head up, Smallest Teammate. The team will be here any minute now."

Before Smallest Teammate could protest, Team Leader took a deep breath and dove beneath the surface and propped Smallest Teammate up. They could keep Smallest Teammate from drowning. They could do that. The team would be here soon.

Smallest Teammate would live. Smallest Teammate would live and that was all that mattered. It was that thought that kept Team Leader from swimming to the surface again. It was that thought that kept Team Leader still beneath the water despite their lungs burning for air. And it was that thought that gave Team Leader peace.

As their vision began to fail and their world grew stiller and stiller, Team Leader let themself relax in the corner. They could hear the sounds of something outside the tank. The team had arrived. Team Leader said a silent apology to Smallest Teammate as they finally let themself inhale, no longer able to fight the urge. Their body seized as their lungs were met with water instead of air. Smallest Teammate would live. If only they could have held on a bit longer, they would have been saved, too.

Tags: @mousepaw @jumpywhumpywriter @knightinbatteredarmor @hufflepuffwritingstuff2 @anightmarishwhump

@steh-lar-uh-nuhs @celestialsoyeon @st0rmm @ay5ksal @pedro-pedro-pedro-pedro-pe

#serickswrites #whump #whump community #whumpblr #whump writing #tw captivity #tw potential drowning #tw rescue attempt #team whump #whumptober #whumptober 2024 #whumptober day 1 #prompt: “if only we could hold on”#no.1 #oc #queue #tw self sacrifice

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crownedtargaryen · 2 years ago

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cruel summer. - modern!jacaerys

Part 1 ; Part 2 ; Part 3 ; Part 4 pairing: modern!jacaerys x modern!stark reader (a/n): I’m going to preface this by saying this part is mostly filler to establish their dynamic and how the story will go for a while. this story i made while listening to cruel summer - taylor swift and i’m not sure how to feel about it. also, thank you @daenerysapologist for giving me the idea of hockey player Jace. I love it. rating: NSFW 18+, this chapter doesn’t have anything NSFW though. prns: she/her all notes are appreciated. words: 1k tag list: @hopelesswritergall @twizzy123 @howyouloveyourdragon @fairysluna

It's been a long few years here at Iron High, learning to adapt to the new social norms that change almost every week, trying to remember who's on top and who isn't when it comes to popularity, and of course… Tutoring the Iron High hockey captain, Jacaerys Velaryon.

I look at him as he leans back in his chair and looks up at the ceiling. It's been weeks and I swear I've heard the same jokes a million times from him. And the most frustrating part is? He laughed at himself. He finds HIMSELF hilarious! If that doesn't scream self-centered jock, I'm not sure what does. He must think he's the funniest son of a bitch at this school. He has beautiful brown hair and curious brown eyes that remind me of beautifully crafted bark on trees.

"Hey, Stark! Are you listening? Did you get the joke?" I hear him say breaking my thoughts. I stare at him, narrowing my eyes. Maybe his eyes remind me of dog shit instead.

"How many times do I have to tell you? I'm not here to listen to your jokes, I'm here to teach you High Velaryon. Now, can we focus? If you fail this class, you know the repercussions," I remind him. He's only tutoring with me because he needs at least a C to pass, and currently, he's failing. If he doesn't pass, no hockey for him. His whole social life and reputation down the drain faster than it started. He frowns for a moment before leaning forward, smiling that cheeky and flirtatious smile he always does. This is when he's about to say something extremely obnoxious or excruciatingly unnecessary to the conversation.

"What do you call an alligator detective?" He smirks, and I stare back. You know what? I'm not giving him this one.

"An investi-gator. You're not clever. Can we just work on the assignment now?" I groan, watching his eyes widen.

"What?! You can't steal my joke!" He sits back, being playfully offended. I raise a brow as he acts like a drama queen. I can't help but smile. A small laugh escapes me. As he looks into my eyes, his eyes widen. There's something in his gaze that I can't place, a shimmer in his eye that wasn't there previously. His staring before speaking makes me uncomfortable."You just laughed!" He seemed excited, placing his hands on the table and standing up, knocking his chair over. "Holy shit you laughed!" He seems like he's just won the lottery. I furrow my brows.

Denial is now my best friend. "No, I didn't," I say casually, continuing my work. He glares at me. I can feel it on my head. "I think you're going crazy, maybe we should call this tutoring session early." I look up at him, closing my book and putting my papers in my folder. He opens his mouth to speak, but I softly shush him and touch his lips. "Shh, it's alright. The stress is getting to you. You're imagining things. It's for the best. I know, I know. You'll miss me so much." I put my things in my bag, throw it over my shoulder, and push in my chair. I watched him pick up the chair that he'd knocked over. I turn to leave but hear him speak, in a tone I've never heard before. It seemed eager and desperate.

"Y/N, can I give you a ride home?" Jace suddenly asked. When I examined his features, he still looked awestruck and almost pleading. I sigh, hating that I'm giving into his pitiful look.

"Fine. But you have to listen during the next tutoring session. Deal?" I turn around and watch as his expression glows with pure excitement. I feel a smile grow on my face, which I cover with a cough. He quickly agrees and rushes over, offering me his hand. I look at him like he's stupid, moving my palm to his shoulder and pushing him forward to lead me to his car.

I sit in the passenger side of his vehicle, a sense of regret washing over me as he starts his car and pulls out his phone. I expect some rap, some SoundCloud-level shit, and maybe even something he's made himself. What he puts on surprises me.

"Are you in a romantic mood?" I ask, raising a brow. He gives me a cheeky smile and turns up the song without another word. I can't help the grin that comes to my face as he proceeds to scream the words to a song that I'd never expected to come out of his mouth. "Kiss me once 'cause you know I had a long night, kiss me twice 'cause it's gonna be alright," he says, looking over at me and grinning like an idiot. I laughed, grabbing my phone and recording him, seeing if he falters in shame. He doesn't, he stays strong. "Three times 'cause I've waited my whole life! ONE, TWO, ONE TWO THREE FOUR! I like shiny things but I'd marry you paper rings! Uhuh!" He looks at me as he grips the wheel, urging me to sing along. The only thing I can do is laugh as he gets stronger than ever. Jacaerys Velaryon is the last person I'd expect to see singing Paper Rings by Taylor Swift, but I can't say I'm upset. The entire way home he sings his heart out, the windows rolled down. The regret I'd felt previously has now disappeared as I enjoy my time with him. Maybe he isn't TOO bad.

As we ride up to my house, I feel myself growing disappointed that the time has come to an end, but I make sure not to show it. "Thanks for the ride, I appreciate it," I say softly, getting out of his car. He nods and then waves before honking his horn when I'm at my door. I turn around after my soul jumps out of my skin, glaring at him. He laughed but yells at me.

"Text me! We should go out somewhere!" He shouts, winking and driving off before I can protest.

Stupid Jace.

I then turn to my door, grinning from ear to ear, and walk inside.

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topazadine · 3 months ago

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Mistakes I Made When Self-Pubbing My First Book (Part 1: Mindset Edition)

Hello. Today, we are all going to dunk on me for my meteoric mistakes when self-publishing 9 Years Yearning so that you can do the opposite of these things.

This is going to be cut up into multiple posts because I just made so. many. mistakes. that I'm rectifying with my second book. Even Part 1 is extraordinarily long because damn am I a yapper, so keep an eye out for the equally long next parts.

And maybe console me by buying my book. (I promise it's not bad! My marketing strategy is!)

It's important to be transparent about this process. So many indie authors don't want to talk about their failures because it's uncomfy, and I get it. Yeah, it does suck to admit that you have failed and then expose your failures to other people. No one wants to feel bad about their efforts, especially something so personal like writing. Still, I think it can help anyway.

Can I give you actionable advice? No. I can't. I cannot give you a secret code to marketing success because I don't even know it.

BUT. I can tell you what I did wrong so you can figure out what to do right. (Then maybe tell me about it pls.)

Thinking being a good writer = book success

I am a good writer. Not the best writer on the entire planet, but more competent than your average squadron of monkeys armed with obsolete machinery. I could take at least 1,000 non-human primates in a writing fight - I'm sure of it.

However, this does not translate to immediate, life-changing results when self-publishing and marketing.

See, the unfortunate thing is that people actually have to know that your book exists, and they have to be tempted into purchasing it before they can see your remarkable writing skills.

This means that you need to have a good cover, an intriguing blurb and ... worst of all ... a marketing strategy.

Awful. But true.

Book writing and book marketing are two completely different skills. One of them is fun! And one of them makes me want to throw myself into a lake! But alas, if I want to enjoy some sort of compensation for the Fun Part, I have to do the Bad Part.

Being mad that I didn't get insta-results

I assumed that I would get my money back from my initial investment pretty quickly. After all, I wrote a very nice book. But I still have not broken even on 9 Years Yearning, and I will likely not do so until the third part of the Eirenic Verses series hits.

Actually, I may never break even at all. And I'm not even performing that poorly for a self-published author as of now.

The average self-published, digital-only book (like mine) sells only 250 copies during its entire lifetime, which can be literal decades. 250!! That's abysmal. Many self-published books sell ZERO copies. Ever.

That makes me feel a little better about saying that from June to October 2024, my first book has sold only 32 copies. That's about 12% of the expected lifetime sales in four months.

But 32 books is not, by any means, a best seller.

Though I will tell you a secret: some authors who make best seller lists actually buy their own books to artificially boost the numbers. Donald Trump did that actually! There are entire book laundering firms, like ResultSource, that are pay to play. And the NYT best seller list is heavily biased toward people with internal connections. So you can't even trust those best seller lists very much, and you shouldn't feel bad if you're only getting a handful of sales.

Regardless of whether other people lie their way to the top, the cold hard truth is that if I want to repay myself for my efforts on 9 Years Yearning, I need to sell about 1,500 copies (plus, oh, 20 extra for taxation).

That's a pretty scary number. 1,500 people have to like my book?! I don't even know that many people!

It's okay, though. My next book, Pride Before a Fall, will have a faster return on investment because it's priced a little higher at $2.99. So, for the second book, I only need to sell about 180 copies to break even. That is also because I didn't make as many dumb money mistakes, which I'll discuss in a later installment.

Very few self-published books gain instant attention and fame; many self-pubbed authors give up on advertising themselves at all because they didn't get a lot of success at first. But I'm not going to be deterred now that I realize I have to put the marketing work in.

It's up to you whether you're willing to keep grinding if you don't get immediate results.

Being lazy about learning marketing

I am still struggling with this, to be honest.

Look, I don't like marketing. The time I spend learning about marketing could be spent on something that does not make me want to tear my eyes out of their sockets. I could go rock climbing! I could watch a video on caving deaths! I could pet my dog!

So I've set a goal for myself that I just have to do one thing related to marketing a week. That could be creating visuals, reading other peoples' experiences, watching videos on it, taking courses, and so on.

It is not a lot of time spent per week, yes; perhaps about two hours. But it's about all I can stomach because it's just so boring and confusing to me.

After my first bitter disappointment, I have learned that it's okay to take a longer, more methodical approach, especially because The Eirenic Verses is a ten-part series. If I stay consistent, it will inevitably start to gain traction over time.

Ignoring the marketing potential in my friend group

I didn't really talk about my book with anyone but my family before publishing it. Didn't tell my friends, didn't post much about it on social media.

Instead, I dropped it like a dead squirrel on Facebook's feet a few days after it actually released. Thank god I didn't do the horrible Millennial "so ... I did a thing" bullshit, but I was almost too blithe about it.

I just don't want to feel like I'm bragging or making people feel obligated to purchase a copy. Which is kind of dumb of me, because people I know IRL have been super enthusiastic! I'm not even joking.

One of my newest friends purchased a copy directly in front of me and told their friends about it, so I got multiple sales just by mentioning it once. Old friends I've barely talked to in years reached out to tell me how much they loved my book and that they're so excited for me.

I learned that as long as I am not insufferable about it, most people are excited to hear that they are friends with a ~published author~. I've spent so long being immersed in Writing World that I kind of forget that to non-writers, publishing (even self-pub) is a big deal.

So I am learning to be more comfortable with talking about being an author as long as I don't act like I'm super special for clicking some keys.

Not celebrating my successes

This seems like a strange problem to have, but I can't be the only one who just kinda goes "meh" about their own achievements. Whether that's from poor self-esteem or Daddy Issues, idk, but I didn't really do anything when I released 9 Years Yearning. Didn't even get myself a cake.

I think this rubbed off on the people around me; after all, humans tend to follow one another's lead. Since I didn't treat it like a big deal at first, no one else did either. And this, of course, led to zero marketing juice because if even the author herself isn't pumped about the book, it must suck, right?

It doesn't suck. Again, I just suck at marketing myself.

So I'm forcing myself to be more enthusiastic about my next book, and to tell more people about it. I'm even getting a Bannain tattoo to celebrate the release.

Look at this stupid little idiot! I'm going to have him inked on me forever and ever <3

Given that I've gotten some decent pre-orders already (again, because I actually tried to fucking market this time), I think this more enthusiastic approach is going to serve me well.

The Thing I Did Right: Viewing my fiction writing as a money sink

Alright, so the one thing I have done correctly, which is that I did not make the fatal error of quitting my day job. I knew that my fiction writing was not going to be paying the bills any time soon. Instead, I view my job as a way to fund my Blorbo Factory.

It's not fatalistic to recognize that the odds are stacked against you as a self-pubbed author. It's realistic. You can either be delusionally confident that you will succeed, or you can be desperately demotivated and never bother.

Or you can be in the middle, see the risks, and decide that there is a deeper motivation than just making money that powers you.

Releasing the pressure of success actually makes it easier to succeed. If you are not hinging all your financial hopes and dreams on your books, then you don't see it as a loss to buy a nice book cover, pay for a good beta reader, and so on. You see it as an investment in your happiness and self-fulfillment, just like you spend money to go to the gym or buy a yourself an ice cream.

And, most importantly, you won't spend more money than you can afford to lose.

So many authors go into massive amounts of debt to fund their books and then are horrified to find that they make nothing back. A lot fall for vanity press scams and spend thousands only to have to do the same damn things I have to do as a self-pubbed author. And sometimes they never even see their book in print at all.

This could have been avoided if they had recognized that, just like when going to the casino, you shouldn't put yourself into debt in hopes of a big payday.

Anyway, now that I've told you about my marketing failures so you can avoid them, maybe you'll consider buying my book, 9 Years Yearning, which is very good despite my terrible marketing skills. It's got horses and cute boys!

And when you're done with that (it only takes about 2 hours to read, btw), be sure to pre-order the next book, Pride Before a Fall, which is arriving January 1, 2025!

Oh, and please don't forget to leave a review. Very important stuff.

I've been dodging calls from Amazon HQ who warn me that if I don't get more reviews, they'll place my children in a mushroomifier, whatever that means.

Oh ... oh no ....

#self publishing #indie publishing #self publication #self pub #aspiring author #indie author #indie authors #writers of tumblr #writerblr #writing community #writeblr #writeblr community #creative writing #writerscommunity #writers on tumblr #writing blog #female writers #writers community

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softshuji · 1 year ago

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Hanma is a little excessive.

He's a man of gestures and it's never not been known that he's the type to make grand entrances and exits, all flourishes and loud voices, big words and bigger actions. You like to think that's just how he is, bustling into your life to drag you along by the hand into the deep darkness of his world, that he's sharing it with you as a gift, himself and all the uncertainty he comes with.

You like it, you think of it often with trepidation when you wonder about how you can keep up with him, and if he might find someone who can run a little faster next to him, or whether he'll get tired of slowing down for your sake.

He never does and you find that, surprisingly, it never bothers him when you need constant reassurance, when you need praise and sweetness that he's more than happy to give because no matter what, you're under the assumption that you're a lot to deal with, Despite how often he'll try to convince you otherwise.

He likes to think he knows you by now, watched you change, the occasional timidity he still likes that you feel less embarrassed by now, how much more willing you are to hang onto his arm after months and months of constant self doubt. It does come back, and he's quick to quash it, smooth words, a kiss to the back of your neck when you feel like whatever he says might be a lie. It never bothers him.

Most of all though, you're acutely aware that he makes you feel prettier than you believe you are. It's in the small actions mostly.

'Who is this pretty girl hm?' he says and runs his hands along your sides, a light squeeze of your hips as he bends down to lightly nose at your neck, your hair tickling his cheek as he pulls you flush to him.

It never fails to have the heat rising to your cheeks when he behaves like that, as if he needs you, when you're more than convinced you need him ten times as much, but perhaps if you believed in yourself more, you might be tempted to think the former was true.

'You like it?' you say and turn, your pelvis brushing his as he presses himself into you, as if he can fold the two of you together. 'I bought it with your card- I hope you don't min-'

'shhhhh, you can have whatever you want, card or no sweetheart.' And he gives you a smile, quiet, softened, his lips accented by the lick of fresh and creamy sunlight pouring in through the window. 'You're my Pretty Girl, I want you to have pretty things.'

You feel guilty still, as if you're using him somehow despite how freely he gives to you. And, like always, the tears come fresh when you hear him praise you so easily, so overtly. And, like always, he believes he's done something wrong to incur this.

'Princess?' he says, a hint of worry, panic lacing the edge of his voice, his grip faltering when he tilts your chin to face him, clear freshwater tears slipping onto your new dress.

'You make me feel pretty.' It sounds silly saying it out loud to yourself, finally where he can hear it, but you think it must be true for it to ache a little whenever he says it, as if it's the first time every time, as if he believes it wholeheartedly.

'What? I don't get it sweetheart.' And he shakes his head, confusion and incredulity, a softened hand coming to cradle your cheek.

'You always say it, you always tell me I'm pretty and beautiful.'

'Because you are, why wouldn't I say it? You're my pretty girl, of course I'll tell you it.'

Maybe he's baffled by it, this much time later, at how you still can't see it, how it still surprises you, how you don't believe it when it's not empty words to him.

'And you really mean it?'

'Of course Princess, I don't know where this is coming from. You're my pretty girl aren't you?' He does know actually, these bouts of insecurity he knows you haven't beaten, assuming it bothers him to need to give reassurance so often. But he's softer with you than he believes he's capable of and it never feels like a burden to reassure you of himself when you need it.

He knows you'd do the same, have done the same.

It takes coaxing and soothing again. 'Mhm, yeah I am,' you say, a little abated for now, an errant tear wiped by his thumb, his big hands that never feel anything less than safe, anything less than reassuring, enough for you to fall into every time.

'Good girl.' And when he holds you just like that, sunlight that spills over his curls, you think you believe him for the moment. That you're pretty, that you're beautiful, that you're his Princess now and always. You know the lingering thoughts are never far, that you'll be seeing them again soon.

But you also know, with just as much- if not more surety- that he'll be there to beat them back, to soothe, to fix and run his hands over you then too. To make you feel pretty again.

reblogs appreciated!

#tokyo revengers #tokyo rev #hanma x reader #hanma shuji #tokyorev x reader #tokyo revengers x reader

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not-magdi · 1 year ago

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Media Intern Pt.2

Summary: Having your first day at your dream club

Warnings: None

Words: 1.7k

A/N: I have no idea what should happen in the next part so any ideas would be very much appreciated 😂 (Please help me)

Part 1

Today was Y/N's first day at FC Barcelona, after jumping around in her apartment for half an hour with Carmen and getting a noise complaint from a few neighbors afterward. She read the email completely, which told her she had her first day next Monday at 3:00 p.m. having to be at the front desk of the media building which is next to Camp Nou.

Monday came faster than she thought, believing she had enough time to get herself ready Y/N put it off until the last minute, her personal favorite way of dealing with things.

Now standing before her wardrobe with a stressed-out look on her face she has no clue what she should wear for tomorrow overthinking everything relentlessly. Hearing a soft knock on her door and Carmen ask.

"Ey ... you decent?"

"Come on ... that was one time, come in!", Y/N answers through the door continuing to look through her closet.

Laughing Carmen comes in carrying two mugs of coffee for the two of them. " Just making sure, the one time was traumatizing enough" laughing Y/N throughs a pillow at her flipping her off.

Grabbing her coffee she turns her gaze to her closet again, "Do you have any idea what I could wear tomorrow ... my mind's completely blank." Standing up Carmen walks up behind her laying her head on Y/N's shoulder.

"Well it should be a little bit sporty, I would suggest skinny jeans but you swore off to those so how about black sports pants with something a little more classy?", Carmen suggests grabbing a black pair for her, thinking what she could wear to them.

"Yeah ... how about that baby blue tee and a white oversized blouse as a jacket to make it a little bit more classy?" looking up at Carmen for approval she nods before realizing something.

"Wait, do you mean MY white oversized blouse?" She asks Y/N, raising an eyebrow, "Maybe ...?" looking up at her with innocent eyes Y/N answers.

"You already have it in your closet, don't you?

"Nooo ... maybe ... ok yes, but you don't need it anyway you have like five of them." Y/N tries to defend herself but fails as she can't stop laughing at Carmen's face.

"Ok ok enough you clothes stealing little dwarf, you need to go to sleep now ... big day tomorrow." Hugging her Carmen leaves Y/N's room taking the two empty mugs with her. Y/N sighs cleaning everything up a little bit before cuddling herself into her bed, trying to get some sleep.

"I think I'm going to throw up", pacing around before the media building Y/N looks up at Carmen with a stressed look on her face, "I'm going to make a fool of my self, no no let's go home " Rubbing her temples she turns towards the car again only to be caught by Carmen.

"Nope ... you're not gonna quit, you're going to go in there and you're gonna rock it." dragging her back Carmen comes to a halt before the entrance.

"14:50, perfect timing ... come on go in now you deserve to be here. Use that little brain of yours and fascinate them like you did with me." hugging her a last time she shoos her into the building.

"Ok Y/N you're gonna smash that, deep breaths" Hyping herself up she goes in, walking up to the front desk she asks the receptionist. "Hola ... I'm here for the new job, my name is Y/N. I'm the new media Intern."

The receptionist smiled at her friendly tipping something into her computer before speaking, "Hola Y/N, I just called your new boss downstairs he should be here any minute. I'm Camila, welcome at the FC Barcelona." she outstretches her hand shaking it with Y/N's.

"Thank you very much" Y/N exclaims, feeling slightly more at ease already. Hearing steps behind her she turns around seeing a man in his mid-twenties coming up to them dressed in head to toe barça merch.

"Hola Camila, hola Y/N ... I'm Léon, your new boss" Shaking her hand he hands her a pass. "That's your new work ID this allows you access to any place you currently need."

Hanging it around her neck she follows Léon to one of the elevators, while he explains what they're going to do today.

"So first we're going to our office, I'm gonna show you your desk and log you into our office network, then one of your new colleagues is going to give you a tour and at the end of the day you can get a few barça merch pieces, everybody gets a few. You don't have to wear them here but when we are filming away from here please do" Nodding along Y/N follows him to her new office.

"So this is your office, there should be anything you need. For the first few weeks, you will follow Alena Martín, she is one of our head content creators, she does the filming, editing, and posting herself so with her you are getting the most experience you can get, she is in the office next to yours, you can go in there later then." pointing down the corridor to her office.

"Do you have any questions, if not then I'll go to my office now"

Being still slightly overwhelmed Y/N shakes her head admiring her new office, "N-no um everything is fine"

Waving goodbye Léon leaves her office, leaving Y/N alone. She opens the windows to get a bit of fresh air in, realizing that she has a perfect view of the main training field where the boys were currently training.

Leaning on the windowsill Y/N continued to watch them for a little while, whispering to herself, " I could get used to that"

A knock behind her startles Y/N, turning around she sees a young woman standing in the doorway with a smirk on her face. Tattoos are decorating her left arm, she looks like she could be starring in Fast and Furious, one of Y/N's favorite movies.

"Nice view, no ?"

"Uh, y-yes ... yeah very nice" Blushing she looks down at her feet.

"I'm Alena, I'm going to give you a tour of our sweet old barça home today" she introduces herself shaking Y/N's hand.

They walk through the whole building, Alena explaining everything about everyone making Y/N laugh constantly.

"So here's the dining hall, everybody eats here even our 'unbelievably important' football stars eat with us normal people."

"Oh, really that's cool ... um do we interact with the players often, like for challenges and stuff?" Y/N asks with a slightly nervous undertone.

"Well, not everyone ... but yes we do. Everybody has different compartments so it doesn't get too much, we are responsible for the players so yeah we do." after a short pause she continues, "That isn't a problem for ... is it?"

"N-no it isn't it's just ... I'm not that good with ... famous people" Cringing she thinks back to that one time she met Selena Gomez and couldn't get a word out and blushed like crazy.

Laughing Alena assures her "Don't worry you're gonna get the hang of it, you won't believe it but they're normal people too" She strokes Y/N's back a little to calm her down.

Coming to a halt Alena turns towards a closed door, "So we're now finished with our tour, that's our supply room for merch things. Let's get you sorted out."

Currently, Y/N's hands are full of hoodies, pants, and t-Shirts, Alena is throwing everything she can find into her hands.

A loud knock startles both of them, resulting in Y/N throwing everything on the floor. The door opens revealing Pablo Gavi standing in the doorway laughing.

"Sorry ... did I scare you?" he asked smirking.

"Yeah, you idiot ... did you want to break the door down?!" Alena asked with an irritated voice.

"No, just wanted to scare you ... mission successful" he answered, starting to search through the boxes.

Y/N just stood there frozen, completely bewildered by their bickering, looking between them with a shocked expression.

"Ok you scared us ... but why are you here?" Alena asked Pablo with a fake annoyance in tone.

"I lost my team jacket again and I need it tomorrow, do you know where they are? " he asked starting to search around again.

"Yes I know where they are ... I'll grab it for you, you only cause chaos. You help Y/N pick her things up again and I get you jacket" Turning around Alena walks off.

"Who's Y/N?"

"I'm Y/N ... h-hi" Waving she starts to blush under his gaze.

"You're new here aren't you ... I haven't seen you around," he says, still looking slightly skeptical.

"Um ... y-yeah it's my first day, I'm the new media intern", Y/N answers trying to sound unbothered by his presence.

"They sent her as a support for me, you guys are unbearable alone" Alena exclaims, coming back with the said jacket in her hand, smirking at his hurt expression.

"What are you talking about ... we are a delight" he dramatically exclaims putting a hand on his heart.

"Pablo Gavira what are you dreaming about at night," she asks earning herself an offended huff from Pablo.

Leaning down he picks Y/N's clothes up handing them to her with a smirk, "Well then, new media intern Y/N, it's lovely to meet you" Extending his hand for her to shake she takes it greeting him with a shy smile.

"Nice to meet you too," she says shaking his hand, happy her voice sounds steady again.

They hold eye contact longer than they needed too, until Alena broke them out of their trance.

"Okok enough with the flirting now ... we have to get going "Throwing his jacket at him she shoos him out of the room locking the door behind them.

"Well bye then ladies ... see you on Friday" Turning around he leaves them alone again.

"I ... w-we weren't ... flirting" Y/N tries to defend herself but fails as Alena just kept smirking.

"You weren't, you looked like a deer in headlights but he definitely did, did you see they way he was smirking the whole time" she tells Y/N laughing, wrapping an arm around her walking her back to the front hall.

"Just be careful, he's ... well he's a little bit of a player when it comes to girls. You know a typical young football player ego"

"Yeah ... you get that vibe from him that he knows he's hot"

"Oh ... so you think he's hot?" Alena teases her with a smirk.

"You know what ... yes and I stand by that" Y/n answers laughing

The two of them arrive at the front desk again and Alena says goodbye to Y/N promising to mail her, her new workplan today evening.

Thanking her, Y/N makes her way outside texting Carmen to pick her up, but the only thing on her mind was this.

Pablo Gavi just flirted with me, and I looked stupid while he did it …

#pablo gavi oneshot #pablo gavi x reader #pablo gavi x y/n #pablo gavi x you #gavi x reader #pablo gavi icons #pablo gavi #gavi x you #gavi x yn

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according2thelore · 9 days ago

Note

Time for part 2 of the many asks I want to send you LOL

I was rereading your es/ls snippet where es!Sam is mad at es!Dean for taking ls!Sam's side. And I was just curious, what would Ls!Sam have to to for es!Dean to get mad at him/protective over es!Sam like that? I know we got a look into it on a more extreme note in your other snippet (where es!Sam got hurt and es!Dean blames ls!Sam) But I'm curious what small thing would make Dean "take es!Sam's side" in a sense.

You just know that es!Sam would eat up being chosen like that👀 not to mention the pure angst potential that ls!Sam could have in that moment(cue protective ls!Dean and UGH a recipe for disaster❤️)

I just love es!Sam being needy for es!dean😌

hi, ari!!

omg yes let's discuss!

"i already told you no," sammy says, sharp, pinning his younger self with a hard look.

sam had approached him sly and slow earlier this morning while sam was researching time travel in the library, prodding around some heavy questions. about their future, about crossroads, about hell and deals and azazel--who he awkwardly calls "the yellow eyed demon," as it's a few years before they even know the name of the being that ruined their lives.

the deans are in the corner at one of the far library tables, breaking down and cleaning some of their guns, and sammy's looked up every few minutes to find them racing to see who can do it faster. it's a tie, most of the time, but they still send each other smug looks as if there was a clear winner.

"yeah--that's the only thing you've told me," sam snaps, jaw tense, but when sammy looks up at him again, a glare, sam softens immediately. he leans forward again, also taking care that the deans don't overhear them. his tone turns cajoling, and continues, "i'm just saying, we can work with this. this can't be random chance, right? us coming here? what if we were sent here so we can fix things?"

"'fix things'?" sam repeats, drily. that's not how it works. there's not a benevolent force out there that wants them to succeed. sam knows. there's just one guy, and he's not exactly on their side.

"yeah," the kid is clearly gaining steam, now that sam has finally responded to him with something other than a one-syllable denial. "whatever mistakes you've made--maybe dean and i were sent here so we can make difference choices. change what happened."

sam leans in, lowers his voice,

"i know something happens to dean. i could save him, sam."

sammy startles. he feels like he's just been stabbed. it takes him a second to process the words, but when he does, the layers of it all pile high: you already failed him. i won't. you made the wrong choice. i won't. dean hurts because of you. not me. let me fix him. let me put our lives back together, like you clearly couldn't.

but it's also heart-breakingly childish. naive. to believe he could fix it all. sam has never been able to forgive himself for his naivety.

"or you could kill him." sammy says, far-away, before he can think about it.

"what?" the tone of his voice brings him back. it takes a second for sammy to focus his gaze, but when he does, sam looks stricken. his brows are pulled together, eyes wide, gaze searching for a weakness that he can usually find in dean, but not sammy.

"yeah. you could kill him. what makes you think you know what's best? hm? so what: i tell you how i fucked up, and you just decide to fuck up in some different way?"

"i wouldn't--"

"you wouldn't know, would you? what if you change the story and make things worse? what if instead of going left, you go right, and dean gets his guts ripped out?"

sammy's not trying to be cruel--he's genuinely, earnestly not. sam doesn't know how many hours sam has begged for this exact moment, the ability to take it all back, the ability to shove it all back into his mouth, or to put a bullet in his brain before he damned them all. but he doesn't get a chance. they never get a chance.

chuck's made sure of it. even if sammy spills his guts, chuck won't let them get away with it. if sam stopped drinking the demon blood, chuck would rip off dean's head anyway to get sam to open the cage. it's not easy.

but he knows the words are hard, have fangs that tear into sam's soft underbelly, right at his intestines and through his lungs.

sam always breaks sharp. dean is slow to cry, his eyes glittering and swelling before the start of tears spill over. sam doesn't always cry when he breaks, but oozes hurt and anger and pain over his shoes and squishing wetly underfoot. between one second and the next, sammy's younger self breaks. he ducks his head quick, exhaling sharply, blinking fast.

"you don't know," sammy insists, louder, because sam is clearly far away. "are you ready to have his blood on your hands?"

younger sam stands up suddenly, and there, like magic, is dean. young dean. he puts himself between sammy and sam, chest out, eyes blazing with anger. anger directed at him.

and sammy realizes, horrifyingly, that this is what dad must've seen when one of them took it too far, for years. and he's dad in this situation.

"hey--back the hell off!" dean snarls. "he's just askin'. we're all freaked. you don't get to be a dick just because you're pissed! grow the hell up!"

sammy recoils, the words sounding like a slap in the sudden quiet of the room. the irony of the words (grow up, ha-fucking-ha) is not lost on him. so much for the deans not hearing anything. sammy's own dean crosses over quickly, but stands next to sammy, almost behind him.

young sam takes a step forward so he's almost pressed into his dean's back, and sammy watches the way he practically slouches. months and months of insecurity falls off of him like taking off a heavy coat. the tenseness of his jaw smooths, his next blink taking just a second longer. he looks like a child being welcomed back into his parent's arms after being scolded. he's high off of being chosen, of being swept up back into arms and loved again.

he's smug. incredibly smug. sammy wasn't mad before, but now he most definitely is, as sam leers at him. cocky brat.

the sting of dean's rebuke is the only thing keeping sammy back, and he feels the sting of it across his knuckles again. he can feel his own dean at his back, can feel a hand on his shoulder as dean steps forward to confront his younger self.

"you don't get to fucking talk to him like that." dean snaps, and younger dean's chin tilts up, like he's ready for a fight. his eyes flash.

sammy wraps a hand around dean's warm bicep and pulls him back, turning around and patting him hard on the shoulder.

dean's face is pulled down in a scowl, and it takes him a second to pull his eyes away from his younger self and up to sammy's. when he does, his gaze goes immediately soft, but his mouth stays hard-set.

sam tilts his head. leave it. dean shakes his head. i'm not going to. sam tilts his head slightly down. dean scoffs. he shoves sammy's hand off of his shoulder, but doesn't say anything else. when sammy turns back to their younger selves, they both look a little unnerved. sammy drops his hand from dean's shoulder.

sammy imagines it probably is a little unnerving to see your own silent communication from the outside.

sammy's still reeling a bit. he hasn't been scolded by that version of his brother since he still had trouble growing facial hair. his brother--any version of dean--hasn't chosen somebody else since...fuck, benny probably. before that, dad. it stings. sam can barely meet his eyes, and knows. he's radiating hurt like a neon sign.

but conviction makes him set his jaw and meet his younger self's eyes.

"i wasn't trying to be a dick." sam says, because it's true. sam hasn't been able to believe in a positive higher power for years. no one's looking out for them, and it hurts to be faced with his own naivety. "you just don't know. neither of you do. there have been a--a million choices that have put us where we are today. but they put us here together. i'm not willing to risk that. i'm not."

when sam can finally pull his gaze up to meet his dean's, dean looks both concerned and determined. his mouth opens, but he clearly doesn't know what to say. sam puts a hand on the side of his face, thumb to stubble, then pulls away quickly. it feels unnatural to expose their own vulnerability--like a dog leaning over to expose its belly to a wolf--even if it's just to their younger selves. he smiles, quick and false and watery.

sammy turns and leaves.

~~~

thank you for being patient with me!!! mwah mwah mwah!

-lizzy

(the snippet in which ES!Sam is mad) (the snippet in which ES!Sam is injured) (ES/LS verse masterlist/explanation)

#ask box #lizzy answers #ES/LS verse #animangalover15

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