#<- working title for my. headcanon bullshit

[lycankeyy]

The brainrot is taking hold. Take the shot /j

(Context for the third image is Personal Headcanon of the Pico's School -> FNF Timeline™️ AU, dw about it lol)

[n3ptun3e]

—SUNSHINE BOY!

shisui uchiha x reader + headcanons

how shisui would eventually fall in love with you!

notes: listen, i’m no writer and my english is kind of shit, but desperate times call for desperate measures and i’m starving for cute shisui content with no inc3st in it, so this was born!! please enjoy it!

honestly? i just did this because it’s too fun to decorate the posts

You two became friends in the short period he was in the academy speed running through classes. He was pretty popular just like any other clan kid with the prodigy title, and since the whole “ostracize the uchiha clan” didn’t happen yet, at least not as obvious as it was in the series, the both of you would train or just spend lunch together, probably invites you to his house. Training in a secluded part of the forest and having deep talks would be one of his favorite activities to do with you. He loves loves to delve into the depths of other people’s minds and try to figure them out, what makes you act this way, your thought process, how does your mind works? he wants to know this because he wants to know the real you, to understand the puzzle that you are, it’s his way to show that he cares, otherwise he wouldn’t keep you as close as you are. He probably doesn’t even realize his thoughts are way more…technical? for scientific purposes only☝🏻 than your average person, because he’s a prodigy and all that, so he can come off as a little bit blunt (though as he grows up he’s much more suave and smooth when sharing his thoughts. Clan meetings and political bullshit does that to someone) but he has the bestest intentions in mind being the altruist that he is. He’s a curious and smart boy!!!

Either way, he likes to spend time with you, you saw the real him, not shisui the prodigy, shunshin no shisui, or the “weird and show off guy”, but him. If he had any other friends besides you, they would be gone once the kyuubi attack happens. Konoha doesn’t have the best education, so the kids would just follow what their parents told them and some adults already didn’t like him, so there really wasn’t anyone else around. It’s around this time that he met Itachi, seeing a glimpse of him and his long dead friend on the child, he decides to take him under his wing.

I’m not sure if it’s canon, but it’s stated in some places that he unlocked his mangekyõ because of his teammate, his friend that was more powerful than him, shisui was envious, jealous even. one day on a mission his friend got hurt and needed assistance, but shisui as team captain decided to follow through with the mission and his friend ended up dying. and THAT’S the crucial moment where he’s going to need someone the most. He’s a uchiha, they have big hearts and just feel more, much more than your average person, the blame crushes him, he’s already a gentle soul who is forced to kill others for his own village, and to make matters worse they are in war times, you saw how obito and naruto turned out very different because of it right? that, plus the start of the apparent hate and suspicion of the village towards his clan, makes way for rumors, “he’s an Uchiha, what else would we expect from him…? you should be careful, they are not to be trusted”. I imagine his clan would push and pressure him to become more powerful, to “Bring pride into the clan” moving him up in the ranks, making him enter anbu as a child even if he’s already a jõnin.

He just breaks, childish glint in his eyes gone, so he comes to you, “i didn’t know where else to go…” he breaks down in your arms, silent tears falling from his eyes as he clings onto you, his grip tight as if you would disappear at any moment, his only friend that didn’t left him. All the tension and adrenaline from battle would eventually leave his body as he relaxes, letting out all his frustrations away, feeling so fucking tired, body getting out of survival mode, his thoughts and feelings finally getting to him, you hug him tight and strokes his unruly dark curls, soothing hand on his back and whispering calming and reassuring words in his ear, his tears in your shirt slowly turn red, and when you pull away to dry his tears you gasp as you see the intricate pattern on his bleeding red eyes.

THAT’S when you two become even more close. Shisui was always caring and protective of you, but now as you two have grown up he gets even worse, always having a hand on you, arm around your shoulder as he teases you, giving you a little wink before flicking off existence. god, when he finally perfects the body flicker he becomes a menace, appearing out of nowhere inches away from your face, blowing out a puff of air into the back of your neck as you almost rips him in half thinking it was a enemy ninja, cheeks burning red. Though it’s undeniable how your heart beats quicker and smile warms up as he leaves, he’s always there to cheer you up and support you, he’s loyal okay? you have been there for him and now he’s going to follow you for the rest of your life, you feel like safety to him, a light in the dark, he trusts you with his life. he would never EVER left you behind (only if you asked him to, but duh why would you dummy), especially on missions, he will bring you back alive even if he has to sacrifice himself for it.

i know it’s obvious but PHYSICAL TOUCH!!!! it’s his way of communicating affection alright? hugging, ruffling your hair after training, THE UCHIHA POKE, you name it, he especially likes to put a arm around your shoulders and lean close to you, teasing you about whatsoever, whispering in your ear about the random guy on your right hitting on the lady next to him, chuckling and laughing to yourselves, you don’t even notice when he has a hand around you anymore because it just feels natural at this point, it gives him a excuse to be so close to you. Also looves to spend time with you, it’s kind of hard since the both are you are busy with missions but he would always use shunshin to see you, especially during breaks on the uchiha military police forces, asking you to have lunch with him, his treat! he’s a gentleman okay? Sometimes he would appear and gently put a kanzashi 簪 (hair ornaments used in traditional Japanese hairstyles) in your hair, saying it reminded him of the color of your eyes, he would always do that, giving you thoughtful gifts he would find along his missions, smiling at you as he says “i knew it would suit you” it means you look pretty in it.

His touch starts to linger more than necessary, appearing out of nowhere always with a warm hand on you. God he always runs so hot? maybe it’s because he’s a uchiha but his body temperature is high. Shuffling closer to him when you both go on a mission in the middle of winter, a teasing smile on his face as he asks “what was that?” a eyebrow raised in amusement, though he quickly chuckles and opens his arms, hugging you close, making jokes so you don’t feel awkward. He’s just so gentle and soft with you, stroking your hair as you both fall asleep. Always blushing if you reciprocate his barely hidden affections. He’s shy on these matters okay? i imagine him being just like minato but with the determination and sense of humor of naruto. so he can be all serious and in mission mode but if you pass him by and gives him a smile he’s all smiley and red cheeks, sheepishly expression on his face with a hand scratching the back of his head, snsksuzysowb cute. Sometimes he would look at Itachi and Sasuke interacting, imagining how it would be like if one day he ends up building a family with you, it’s one of his favorite daydreams jakajansja definitely a family guy. Yearning for the feeling of coming back home after a long mission and sink into your arms, sighing as he feels how soft, warm and alive you feel, he would do anything to keep you that way, even if he’s not the one you love, being able to be by your side is enough, at least that’s what he tells himself.

It would take a while for a confession tbh, he doesn’t want to lose you or ruin the friendship you both have, would probably talk about it with Itachi, sighing and telling him for the hundredth time if he should tell you or not. itachi’s already tired from this bullshit, staring at his cousin with a deadpan expression “i do believe it would be for the best if you finally told her how you feel” he would repeat, for the millionth time.

I doubt he would like or even look at somebody else in the same way he looks at you, he’s a uchiha and they feel deep, so when he falls, he falls hard, he’s a racional, loyal and busy guy, he wouldn’t even have time for romance outside of his barely there free time that he spends with you >:) so i really don’t think he’s the type to get with someone just because of their appearance or frivolous things like that, he needs the connection, heart, love and trust, so it takes time.

HE’S A JELLY GUY, not overly so, and would never seriously harm someone because of it, BUT HE IS he may not look like it, but if he sees a guy getting too close to comfort with you he’ll pop out of nowhere between you and the man, hugging you from the back and talking with the both of you, hands stroking your sides gently, or just pulling his arm around your shoulders, acting all friendly. You probably don’t even notice he’s actually jealous because he’s too smooth about it (and because you are trying to hide your blush from him).

By the way, you and itachi are friends! he’s a cute kiddo that follows shisui around, and he also has a little shadow following him (lil sasuke) it’s the cutest thing to see Shisui waving at you with a big grin on his face, eyes crinkling with happiness, a little shadow behind him, and a even more tiny figure following behind just like little ducks following their mother lolol.

Eventually shisui would have the guts to finally tell you how he feels, but only after a long while, probably when the whole uchiha fiasco ends (AND IT ENDS WITH EVERYBODY ALIVE) he would be so relieved and happy that his family and the village now are all safe and in peace that he would decide to finally take a step forward and be honest with you, he’d plan everything too, choosing your favorite place and all kinds of things that make you smile awww it would be perfect. You would blush, having at least a suspicion with the way he acts around you, not being able to contain your smile, putting your hands on his cheeks, gently caressing them, his ridiculously long eyelashes brushing against your thumbs as his eyes flutter at your touch, his own cheeks red. When you say “i love you” back, he would be so happy and excited he wouldn’t stop grinning, cheeks almost hurting from how happy he felt, taking you by the waist and spinning you around, the both of you laughing as he does so, just like when you were children, it feels like being home. Time seems to stop as you two gaze at each other, him staring at you with the softest eyes, carefully putting you down on the ground, running his fingers through your hair and saying one more time, “i love you” before his hand travels to your jaw, caressing and tracing the skin there, slowly inching his face closer until you feel his warm breath on your face, brushing his lips lightly against yours, leaving you breathless, fluttering your eyes close, he presses his lips harder against yours as you don’t pull away, sighing and pulling you impossibly close, one hand on your waist softly stroking your skin, the other on the back of your neck, playing with your hair as he finally gets to taste the lips of the girl he longed for all those years.

notes: oh wow that took much longer than i thought it would? what the hell i started to write this at night and now it’s MORNING ughhh i hope you guys like it, we need to keep the shisui simps people alive! happy new years for all of you!

reviews, likes and reblogs are much appreciated! thank you very much!

[martialartslover7]

Neji Hyuga - My Headcanons

I have already spent the past few months or so, writing my own titular, pre-Shippuden, Hyuga clan saga, and now, through a number of interactions with friends and followers on here, and on Twitter, I have gathered a number of headcanons, related to Neji himself. That also took shape for me, while writing the Hyuga Showdown story. Let me run it down.

Neji loves philosophical discussions

His life, as part of the Side Branch, burnmarked him, time and time again, for how often he got beaten down, just for being alive, and bearing a mark, that has done nothing, but repeatedly remind him, how "worthless" he is, according to the Hyuga council. And despite Naruto and Hinata having invoked a feeling of hope in his soul, you just know the nihilist part of his soul starts speaking through him, once he starts quoting famous philosophers, and asking questions about, wether life has any true meaning, whether it even matters, or why humans need the struggle to grow. He is just fascinated over how complicated and nuanced human beings can be, how they face adversion head-on, and choose to either be steadfast and morally upright, or choose to do harm, as a coping mechanism. The same way he used to do.

Neji is really fuzzy about how he presents himself

Neji, in spite of "macho" appearances, is very immaculate and deliberate on how the people around him perceive him. He takes great pride in his appearance, his hair, his skin, his overall posture and form, all of that matters to him, and he isn't even ashamed to admit it, flat-out. This is part in due, how the Hyuga clan generally approaches combat, and the philosophy of "intimidation, through not just discipline, but fashionable dress-codes, and orderly, personal hygiene". Going along with the idea that, you can strike fear and respect in your opponent, if you don't just fight at your best, but you also LOOK the best. That is one part of the Hyuga clan culture that Neji wears, like a badge of honor, and takes great pride in.

Neji is the biggest gentleman, you can ask for

Despite what some non-canon material showed, may it be played for laughs, or just to "slander" Neji's character, whatever, even with the Byakugan granting Neji X-ray vision, being able to look, even through a person's clothing, he never, and I mean, NEVER, uses it to spy on the girls, or look at their underwear. ...Except, maybe for Tenten, but that is to assume that, they are already working towards a relationship, and deep down, she wants him to look, but other than that: Nope. Neji is NOT a Peeping Tom. He is one of the few mature guys in the Konoha 12 group, who always remains respectful of a woman's boundaries. If anything, that title belongs more to Hinata. Because, y'know, she wants get in on some of dat... Fox tail. Know what I'm sayin'? Always beware of the shy ones, they are the most dirty-minded, life itself taught us all that lesson.

Neji is one hell of a bro, too

Not only is he popular with the girls, just for how mature and classy he remains with them, Hinata included, but when it comes to the guys, he is not making them an exception, he is always ready to help out, wherever he could. Even helping the other male comrades, if there is a more complicated problem to deal with, where his opinion is valued by a big margin. I guess you can attribute that line of thinking to how all these years, spending time with Lee and Guy, may have influenced his overall mindset on how to interact with people. Sure, he is stoic, silent and keeping to himself, but when he sees and smells bullshit, he will always be the first one to call it out, without exception, not caring about the feelings of those, who are out-of-the-loop, or the consequences, beyond his control. If Shippuden was actually, you know, GOOD and consistent with the characters, I seriously doubt that Neji would just stand there, and watch Sasuke's character get publically slandered by both the elders, the wannabe-journalists, and the Kage, ESPECIALLY the Raikage, who had the biggest grudge to bear, since Sasuke attacked Killer Bee (even though, that was a clone). But again, if Kishi had cared enough, Neji would have unapologetically sided with Sasuke, all the way through, since he is one of the few, who can truly sympathize with him, outside of Team 7. Not helped at all, by how the Lightning village had once tried to kidnap his cousin, when she was still a child. He wouldn't just stand around and stay silent, because these asswipes were pulling the same tactic that they once pulled on his family. Looking for an easy scapegoat, because it's convenient. He just wouldn't let it happen. He just wouldn't, he is one of the few shinobi, who has actual integrity and moral consistency.

Neji shares the same hair- & skincare products as his cousin

Again, referring back to him caring about his outer image, and how he presents itself, he will always be kindly asking Hinata, if he could rent her hair conditioner, because that long, immaculate mane of his won't be staying FABULOUS by itself. And not just that, I just remember reading one headcanon somewhere else, that he and Hinata keep trading their bodily care products between one another. Neji using Hinata's hair conditioner (I mean, her hair during the Blank Period, I lowkey want to bury my face in that), and Hinata using Neji's facial skincare mask, and you know what? I will stick to that. It just sounds so in-character for them. Dem Hyuga genetics, always looking photogenic without trying "too hard", or, so they say. No, darling! Fabulousness doesn't EVER come for free, damn it! But that also means, Neji is taking huge pride in maintaining that royal mane of his, if you cut it, ruin it in any way, or rip a strand out by force, he will curse you, all the way to your grave. It's just ridiculous, but then again, who doesn't have weird quirks and things one can take pride in, that makes them stand out?

Neji's love language is combing his women's hair

(Artist source)

Once the missions are over, or he is taking a break, and Tenten or Hinata happen to be in his team, or they just hang out in private, Hanabi included, Neji's way of showing how much he loves them all, is by volunteering to comb their long hair. Tenten, Hanabi and Hinata are the only ones to enjoy this privilege of having Neji being their "hairdresser", if you will. And every time he finishes, the girls always return the gesture, combing his long hair in return, too. It's a very one-of-a-kind action, that he purely reserves for those women, who mean the world to him. And yes, that includes Himawari (Screw you, Kishi, killing off Neji was a horrible idea, and no amount of rewrites will ever repair the damage you have done to your own story with the amount of retcons you pulled out of your ass, and what you did to Neji's character, especially post-mortem, so just for how disrespectful his entire death scenario was handled, just out of principle, I will just pretend, it never happened, it's only fair), and if she were alive, maybe even Kushina. He is not serving the Main Branch, he is serving his family, and them alone.

Neji is more of a stay-at-home parent, than Tenten or Hinata

(Artist source)

If there is anything I have truly grown to despise about Boruto, is that, every woman in the OG cast was reduced to JUST the role of a housewife, and barely anything beyond that, especially Hinata. No excuses, this is something, NO ONE, with an ounce of integrity, should have ANY tolerance for. The reason why this is so irritating to begin with, is because, Kishi is not exactly known for having favorable opinions on female characters, right off the bat, so stuff like this, is just annoying and on-the-nose. Not to mention, offensive, too. So, no, let us just get petty, and turn this entire concept on its head. Sasuke, Shikamaru and Neji are the stay-at-home-husbands, who mostly do the housework, while their wives are the core breadwinners. Nuff' said. Because these three, have worked and suffered the hardest (amongst others) in their entire lives, they deserve to just have some peace and quiet at home, keeping their children from making the same mistakes as them. And from Tenten's POV, Neji always felt more like a stand-in housewife, while she is travelling the country to present her inventions to all kinds of science fairs, and selling weapons like a real queen, with toys being the back-up plan. And Neji supports her in that endeavor, all the way through, while he stays at home, and sometimes works as a part-time sensei at the Hyuga clan.

Neji bears the Tiger Fist, while Hinata bears the Lion Fist

(Image source)

Side Branch members are represented, both in their souls and fighting style, by the tiger, while the Main Branch members are represented by the lions. Just a little fun visual on the side. And the Tiger Fist is more about proactive aggression, rather than a defensive, and slower battle plan, like what the Lion Fist has. Not to mention, it glows green, not blue.

Neji loves weapons and cool-looking toys like Tenten

That one is just for the soul. Neji is fully supportive of Tenten's dream of perfecting the arts of weapon-crafting, wanting to see how far her creativity and inventive spirit takes her, and doing anything he can to help. And like everything, the way to a man's heart, is either, through cool-looking weapons, or toys, that are just the coolest thing ever (transformative action figures, interactive toys, where you can press buttons to see something happen, that just tickles Neji's and Tenten's brain), just from design alone. And their kids will be having a lifetime supply of toys to play with.

And this is it. Just felt like doing this, because I felt like it. Because I can. All this for the Neji fandom, and a certain friend of mine, who knows, this was long overdue. And if I managed to make your day, thank you, you're not welcome. I did this for me, not for you...

...Wink.

@nejihyugamyreligion 😉

Anyways, smell ya later!

PEACE.

[zephyrspace]

even if you have a rosary, who will save you now?

gn!yuu, very short headcanons + scenarios

summary: yuu accepts that there is no way home and that the world will keep turning no matter what. with no worth to their name and no real purpose in this twisted wonderland, except for solving other people’ problems, they decide to stop caring.

cw: swearing, violence, blood. dm me if i’ve missed anything!

a/n: title is translated lyrics from the song US by ruby ibarra. imagine yuu as however and whoever you want!

“woe is me, prefect! i just have so much paperwork to do that i completely forgot about your weekly food allowance. however, to speed things up a bit, if you lend me a hand here, i could probably get the allowance before the end of next week!”

yuu slinks over to one of crowley’s stacks of paperwork and ruffles through it. not without noticing how some pages were completely blank, ‘probably to bulk up and exaggerate the stack,’ yuu thinks and their eye twitches.

crowley gulps at being caught. but neither of the two say anything about it.

“i’m sure at your grown age you’re supposed to be able to manage your time better than this, but of course i didn’t expect anything from you.” yuu throws the binded document carelessly over their shoulder and onto the floor.

“wha-”

“as a minor under your care, this kind of thing could be considered child labour and abuse. especially for not prioritising my allowance.”

“but, prefect-”

“in other words, this isn’t my problem, bird shit for brains. so, unless you want me to call whatever magical bullshit equivalent you have of child protective services you have in this world, go ahead, give me your work documents. i would be ever so happy to oblige.”

the prefect’s eyes were icy and the atmosphere in the office turned chilly. crowley attempts to smarten up and clears his throat.

“i will have the cheque ready before noon.”

looking down at crowley, yuu sends him a smile with no trace of warmth.

“that’s better.”

unhinged!yuu wouldn’t actively seek out to fight people unless students do it to them first, which is all the time. kind of like ‘i’m nice to you if you are to me. but the second i deem you an enemy, you’re done’ mindset.

those who knew and were ‘friends’ with yuu, didn’t believe in their newly acquired attitude at the beginning, but after a group decided it’d be funny to poke at yuu a bit during lunch, that’s when they realise that yuu was serious about not caring for anything at all.

“oi, magicless runt.”

taking a bite from their sandwich, yuu looks up at the senior holding a tray of food, “hm?”

“get up.” the senior’s friends behind him snicker.

“why?” they take another bite. ‘i wish adeuce and grim would hurry up with their food.’ yuu thinks.

“there’s no more seats.”

“mhm?”

“as your seniors, we get priority.” the senior’s smile widens.

“hm.” another bite. “ish that shou”

with crumbs and sauce at the corners of their lips, yuu wipes it off with their thumb and licks it. they gulp down the remainder of the sandwich.

“sorry, senior. but i don’t see that rule anywhere in the canteen.” they swipe off the leftover crumbs on their hands.

“i thought you’d might say that.”

the senior picks up a bowl from his tray and dumps soup onto yuu’s head.

it’s still boiling hot.

it hurts.

“scram, first year. before i do something worse-”

the senior is on the floor, on his knees and doesn’t realise blood is seeping from his nose until it drips onto the tile.

by now, the whole canteen is silent.

he doesn’t even get time to process what happened until he feels a shin connect with his side and launches him onto another nearby table, his legs dangling off the side, uniform ruined.

“why you-” one of his goonies attempt to throw a punch back at the prefect.

yuu grabs his wrist and used the momentum to throw the senior onto his back. he chokes on the impact.

the rest of the group stays at their spots. ‘smart choice,’ yuu scoffs.

the prefect walks over to the first senior lying against the now abandoned table and grabs whatever food was on the nearest plate and forcibly stuffs it into the senior’s mouth. a whole bread roll.

“oh, senior! i see you’ve found a table to sit at!” the senior had tears along his waterline from the gag reflex of having a whole roll of bread in his mouth.

yuu shoves the bread roll further down the seniors throat. twisting and turning it. the senior makes sounds of retching and pain. “although, preferably, it’d be better to sit on the seat rather than on the table, no?”

the senior could only nod at yuu’s words.

yuu pats his hair demeaningly.

“good boy.”

in essence, yuu becomes very assimilated to nrc. scarily so.

[shina913]

Porn Preferences | SVT/OT13

Rating: M 🔞; NSFW

Genre: Headcanon; crack; humor

Warnings: Explicit references to sex and pornography consumption; attempts at comedy

Word count: 1.2k words

A/N: Thanks to @roaminginthenights for a lively back-and-forth. Please enjoy!

***Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction—random bullshit, pure crack and not to be taken seriously. None of this is real, nor do we claim to know anything about anyone's personal preferences or kinks. Nobody is trying to push an agenda here. This is entirely made up just for fun!***

Seungcheol seems to be the type who likes to browse extensively, looking for exactly what might pique his interest at that moment. He’s generally open to watching anything and everything, BUT if the movie doesn’t immediately capture his attention in the first 2 minutes—”NEXT!” He’s a busy man with practically no attention span when it comes to content—he just wants to find something that works quickly, so he can get off and move on with his day. No time for drawn-out plots or elaborate setups.

Jeonghan has seen plenty, but he’s very picky about his porn. He refuses to waste his time on anything that doesn’t meet his criteria for “higher quality” and “better production value.” Otherwise, he considers it beneath his attention and a complete waste of time. He doesn’t get emotionally attached—he either gets off on it or not, and moves on accordingly.

Joshua has either never watched porn or rarely does. He thinks it’s offensive to women and he’s too much of a gentleman—a traditional gentleman at that! Although, if he does watch anything, he wouldn’t want to do it alone. In fact, he’d probably organize a viewing party and make snacks.

Junhui would be into scenarios that are “out there.” He’s the guy who’s willing to watch anything once. ~Finds friend’s porn stash~ “Ooh! You have porn?” ~Browses thumbnails or titles until something catches his eye~ “Hey, I haven’t seen this one!” He watches primarily out of curiosity and interest, then finds himself either surprised that he’s aroused or surprised that he’s not.

Soonyoung is an avid viewer and never one to keep a good thing to himself. He’ll recommend a video he’s seen and then sit with a friend through the whole thing, enthusiastically reacting to key scenes as if it’s his first time seeing them. “OMG—you have to see this...” “Wait, wait—shhhh...you have to hear the dialogue here! It’s so good!”

Wonwoo can go through periods where he watches porn frequently, then go weeks or even months without viewing any. Contrary to popular assumptions, his tastes lean more towards vanilla—which he embraces unapologetically! He does have a few go-to favorites that he revisits periodically. Unless a trusted friend makes a recommendation, he rarely explores new content. He knows what he likes and seldom deviates from that.

Jihoon’s approach is similar to Seungcheol’s, but commits to watching videos start to finish—giving each video time before making a judgment call. BUT he is very judgy and firm on his preferences; not a lot of gray area. His standards are non-negotiable, especially on degradation—that’s a hard pass for him. He won’t view content that crosses his personal boundaries. He also mentally rewrites scenes, thinking how they could be improved with better direction or production values.

Minghao watches porn sparingly, leaning more towards more realistic scenarios. He isn’t morally opposed to it; he simply finds most content too artificial. “Why watch something so obviously fake when reality—or even my imagination—is more satisfying?” Which is why you’ll never catch him watching anything with campy storylines or supernatural elements like fairies or alien encounters.

Mingyu has totally done his homework, finding sites with porn written and directed by women. He’s down to try different things but is still pretty methodical about it. For instance, he’ll look up terms he doesn’t know on Urban Dictionary: ~types into search bar~”Rusty trombone...” ~results load~ “A rusty trombone is...” ~eyes widen in shock~ “Whoa! Okay...” He also likes to establish what he likes and doesn’t like. After checking out something new, he just thinks: ~makes mental note~ “Maybe someday, but not a dealbreaker.”

Seokmin peeks at content from behind his hands. He’s also not into jump-scare fucking, full-frontals, or full bushes! No extended, gratuitous closeups of organs moving in and out of holes. “I don’t even want to see my own that close, and I definitely don’t want to see anyone else’s genitals but my partner’s.” He most definitely is into sweet, sweet love-making. Maybe some light spanking or soft restraints at most! He’s also kind of horrified by the stuff the other guys—especially Jun—talk about. “You people are animals!” At least two others are going to nod and suggest he tries it sometime. “Wait...people actually do this? And they enjoy it???” Minghao simply shrugs and says, “Hey, don’t knock it ‘til you try it!” To which replies ~after gasping in horror~ “I expected more from you!”

Seungkwan would be selective about his porn content, if he even watches it. He may even be a bit too sensitive for it, which means he’s definitely not into degradation, humiliation, anything non-consensual, or torture. What he does appreciate is authentic enthusiasm and genuine chemistry between performers. He’s also viewed enough to the point where Chan asks if he would recommend a movie he’s interested in and Seungkwan would be like, “Hell no! I would not recommend that thing to my worst enemy. The set looked so cheap and the acting was wooden…” He’s got serious opinions about porn he watches—very passionate and detailed! And since Seungkwan is also into pop culture, he’d be the type to make a list of recs, especially ones that are popular or have gone viral.

Hansol keeps track of his favorite porn content like it’s his job. His preferences and approach are similar to Seungkwan’s, except he creates comprehensive lists that are not just recommended but thoroughly ranked, categorized, and cross-indexed for optimal viewing experience. He offers recommendations within recommendations: “If you like this performer, you should explore their body of work...(heh...body...).” He’s a porn connoisseur (if you will)—knowledgeable but without a hint of pretension. He’s just really into organizing his spank bank.

Chan has a straightforward approach to picking his content—he scans title cards and thumbnails. If the people look hot and the title isn’t too aggressive or off-putting, he’s clicking that ‘play’ button. And unlike most people who skip right to the good parts, he watches the entire thing from start to finish and will accidentally get sucked (heh) into the storyline. He’s sitting there staring at the screen thinking, “But what about the plot? Will there be a sequel?” whereas everyone else has gotten off midway through and moved on.

Bonus:

Seokmin may talk a big game, but he seems like a true romantic. Once he’s into you, he. is. in. to. you. Totally whipped for his partner, who has never told him he can’t or shouldn’t watch porn, but he also genuinely believes, “Why would I watch porn when I have you?” He might be more traditional in that sense, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t know how to have fun or keep things spicy and interesting in the bedroom. “Whatever we do in the privacy of our own home is hotter and sexier than any silly porn movie! Besides, we can make our own, if you want...” ~wiggles eyebrows~

Mingyu would also be into homemade porn. In fact, he would produce (with partner’s consent, of course) very high-quality homemade porn that’s worthy of a premium subscription or placed behind a paywall. Unfortunately, he’d be likely to record over videos of former lovers. [Unverified] Quote from an ex: “That bastard recorded over me! Spring for a new blank flash drive next time, asshole!”

Main SVT Fic Masterlist

Thank you for reading!

Interaction/feedback is appreciated but *not* required. But just in case you feel comfortable enough to comment or just say hello, my inbox 📩 is open 💜💎

[minzart]

earthspark au, i can only imagine Megatron handing reader over to GHOST like “they are as much of a decepticon as any of my other ex-subordinates”

something about that line of megs giving full warrior rights to his little emotional support evil human that he knew for like a week from bcbc. the megs breakdown,,,

HERE'S THE KICKER

HE KNEW THEM FOR AT LEAST A WHOLE YEAR BY THAT POINT

And he is trying to be a better leader, since in ES his change of heart come safter a heart to heart with Dot about how he handles his troops, so in a way him handling Bcbc reader to GHOST is the equivalent of a very bad given apology

In his perspective it's gonna be something of the lines: I have kidnapped you and you have changed in incomprehensible ways because of it,I recognize I never gave you a chance to even choose and threw you into the war, this, is the best way I can offer to atone for my mistakes with you, since you can't have a normal life back, so I'm handling you to the government that perhaps may help you start over

So yes, he says it's because they are a deceptocon. Yes, he is naming them one,he is giving full warriors honors,full GENERAL EVEN, BUT IN THE WORST WAY POSSIBLE

See, all of that is coming from HIS ego and he is AGAIN, doing things without informing who he needed MOST, WHILE ALSO TRYING TO MANTAIN PROFESIONAL BC WHO FUCKING KNOWS WHAT GHOST COULD DO TO YOU IF THEY KNEW HOW ATACHED HE IS

THE PROBLEM THAT THIS IDIOT DIDN'T SAW COMING,like the dumbass he is, is THAT GHOST, Agent Croft especificaly, got a little bit TOOO into techno-organic that bcbc Reader was researching into, AND THEY WERE ALREADY IN TOO DEEP INTO THEIR TRANSFORMATION TO CHANGE BACK, so he just basically gave them up as prime test subject and reverse engineering, at the hands of two very unethical people who are VERY XENOPHIC AGAINST TRANSFORMERS AS A SPECIES

He doesn't know that, he literally thinks you never reached out for him after returning to some normality, only after Optimus tells him HE suspects GHOST HAS SOMETHINGVERY STINKY UNDER THE WRAPERS DOES HE DEVELOP A SMALL SHIVER OF DOOM OF WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT LITTLE HUMAN IN THE FIRST PLACE

which by then is too late, shit already hit the fan, you remember all 30 years of it, and by God so does Starscream, bc I headcanon he has been down there since the bridge battle, it's juicier that way

His breakdown is going to be MASSIVE, HIS GUILT TREMENDOUS, HE ALREADY ACCEPTS THE TITLE OF TRAITOR FROM SOUNDWAVE, IF THAT TITLE COMES FROM YOU IT'S EVEN MORE PERSSONAL, hell i might even write a genuine confession of an "I hate you" from Reader to him and it be TRUE, in ALLLL THE MESSIEST WAYS POSSIBLES

"I respected you, I followed you, You gave me the possibility to be so much more than I was and then you abandon me, you betray me,you hand me over to monsters, and now you call me friend... after everything here, now? Now after everything you call me a friend... how can you even, possibly think that is true after everything I have been put through because of you.... I hate you"

I imagine he had a whole therapy session with Dot mid those 30 years of working for GHOST andfi Aly admitted that perhaps he had friends before and during the war, and in this universe ehe especificaly had a human friend before her, and goes along the lines "for who I was back then... even if they coukd speak their mind... I think they wouldn't survived... so they enabled me... i can't blame them for that when I would have... you know, and... and yet.... i can't look back and not call them a friend you know?"

And Dot the sweetheart, but very much not understanding the whole picture bc Megs didn't tell the whole story, be it represison an oversight or guilt on his part, just goes "A true friend would call you out on your bullshit, I did and look at me, whole and well... ok mostly whole, but you know what i mean"

And the fucker stands there quiet bc how the fuck does he sumirize perhaps two years of bullshit and yourself being you and how you survived bc not even he is sure, without making him too terrible

[inquisitor-apologist]

…okay I thought you had #1 reva defender as your title and not reva did nothing wrong, and i was about to tell you you gotta fight for that because I’M her #1 defender (jkjk) but it would seem you don’t so we mustn’t battle it out, lol.

BUT SERIOUSLY I LOVE HER SHES A FANTASTIC FOIL TO ANAKIN AND SHE CHOSES NOT TO STEP INTO THAT ROLE WHERE HE DID AND I LOVE HER SO MUCH FOR HER STRUGGLE HER CHOICES AND ULTIMATELY HER FREEDOM FROM THE EMPIRE AND THE INQUISITORS AND THE DARK AND I WANT TO SEE MORE OF HER!!!! And i hope she got to live in…peace? Happiness? Something like that.

Personally, i think she might have started helping the path eventually and then when the NR came around, quiiietttly slipped away to some obscure place and just chilled out, maybe doing jedi stuff without being obvious about it. Maybe she ends up with Luke, maybe not but SHE LIVED AND I WANT TO KNOW WHAT SHE DID WITH THAT OKAY!?!?

I also think if we could get the chance, i want to see just WHAT the fuck an jedi-turned-inquisitor-turned back to Jedi does after the empire falls. I wanna know what they think about the new republic i wanna know if they get more involved or go “Nope no government bullshit that didnt work too well with a sith at the head im gonna do jedi stuff and just…not tell you about it unless I have to” or what they do. I WANT TO SEE WHAT REVA DOES!!!

…ok this ask made me realize that 5 months into 2025 I never changed my blog title lol. Fixed that now

Anyway! Very happy to have another Reva defender here, I absolutely adore her. 100% the best part of Kenobi, and I’m glad we don’t have to fight about who loves her most because I’d totally win (kidding lol)

And YES the way she intentionally parallels Anakin’s arc and rejects it!!! The way she refuses to become the monster who haunted her, the way she looks the dark side in the eye and says NO this is not who I want to be! Brilliant. Showstopping. Gorgeous.

I NEEED to know where she goes from there (at some point I heard we were going to get a second season of Kenobi and the only way I’m okay with that is if it’s all about her) too. In my personal headcanons I like to think she eventually healed enough to work with the rebellion/Hidden Path against the Inquisition to ensure no other kids end up like her but I can totally see her just… being a Jedi in secret. Helping people and watching the Empire crumble <3

After the Empire falls, her situation would be extremely interesting. Would the New Republic try to prosecute her for being part of the Inquisition? Would she join Luke’s academy and try to rebuild the culture she loved? There are just so many opportunities with her I’m gonna be so mad if she never shows up again

[dextixer]

There is no point in discussing Ironwood/Atlas in the fandom. (2)

Some people might recognize this title from a thread a did over 2 months ago where i argued the reasons as to why there is no point in discussing Ironwood or Atlas in the RWBY FNDM, mostly because the people in the RWBY fandom are either lying about these two topics or have watched a different show. (LINK HERE)

What i decided is to make this into a "series" of threads over time, taking some stupid takes about Ironwood and just continuously debunking whatever bullshit i manage to oversee. This might get a bit repetitive for some, and i apologize for that, but as long as shit takes continue to be spewed i would like to at least push-back against some of them, at least for myself.

For those who want to see a different or a more in-depth topic, i will be making a thread next week about Prosthetics and Disabilities in RWBY, especially as to how they pertain to characters like Ironwood.

Anyways, onto the debunking part.

The good old "He brought robot soldiers to Vale" but this time with an extra punch of bringing Penny into the discussion.

So, as far as Ironwood bringing his soldiers into Vale, he brings them not as a show of power over Vale but rather to discourage the WF and Salems goons from interfering with the Vytal festival, he does partially use it as a PR stunt, introducing both the Paladins and the new generation of mechanized soldiers, but that is done to show off power against Grimm.

As far as the Penny part. The person whose opinion we are right now reading completely forgot that NOONE knew that Penny was a robot and NOONE was supposed to know she was. How the hell did that person forget such a detail is beyond me.

Penny was never used in the show to portray the replacability of people by anyone.Ironwood does not want to make Hunters "obsolete", what he wants is to make them not die against Grimm. Because Grimm are a never-ending threat on Remnant.

What Ironwood wants, and is set-up to want since the start is to protect human lives by instead using disposable robots.

The reason why his army had flaws is because of someone noone knew was alive at the time hacking the systems.And on the topic of Penny.

I never knew that a fan of RWBY would ever have a take where they imply that Penny having a mind of her own is a problem because that means that she isnt completely loyal to Ironwood but... Uh.... Yeah

Its quite funny how the part of the FNDM that loves to say that Ironwood loves absolute loyalty and thats why he wants a fully robotic force, for then a person from that part of the FNDM to then say that Penny having independant thought is bad.

Man, dont you just love when people just make shit up as they go? Ironwood has never used child soldiers.

Even the people we see in V8 are not "children". The students in the combat academies are of age of majority with Ruby being the exception due to being moved up to Beacon despite her age by Ozpin.

The students were also only mobilized when the literal queen of Darkness SALEM was RIGHT THERE at the doorstep of the city, you know, all hands on deck situation?

This entire diatribe is a full on headcanon nonsense paired with complete decontextualization of a scene from the show.

Once again, making shit up as they go. What compliance? With what? Where? This point does not even make logical sense. How is Ironwood to blame for the WF?

-----

Let this part of the thread to be an additional proof as to why it is useless to discuss Ironwood/Atlas with fans. In this very thread i showed someone taking canon out of their arse, decontextualizing scenes so that they would completely lose their meaning, and outright lying about the show.

What exactly is the point in engaging with these people? There is none. The best we can do is debunk their bullshit to anyone sane enough to listen.

Regardless, apologies if this is considered lower quality than most of my other work, i just want to have some smaller threads like this to debunk some complete and utter idiots.

Next week, more high quality work about disabilities and prosthetics in RWBY and their portrayal.

[crowned-public-enemy]

Pinned Post

꧁ঔৣ☬✞Last Updated 2/16/25✞☬ঔৣ꧂

Rules and guidelines for interacting!

1. Blog runner is 26, my main is @snippydippy. Please keep this in mind when interacting with me.

I will use (()) to indicate when I'm speaking out of character in any posts.

2. Asks that include mature topics are allowed, but direct and/or explicit NSFW will be promptly shut down if you're a minor, or don't show your age in some capacity.

3. Asks will always be open. Reblog RPs open to all, but DM roleplays for other adults only, please.

4. This blog is likely to contain more mature content than others, due to the nature of this character. Probably not a blog suitable for anyone under 16.

That's it as far as my rules go aside from the obvious "don't be a dick." Thank you for reading them! Next are just a couple notes on my headcanons for this version of Midas (CriMidas for ease of understanding).

Content Warning for the following: Violence, death, sex and drug use.

This is a different Midas than Ascendant with the split in time-line happening sometime around the failure of the device, frustration and anger brewing over this. Most notably, this Midas did not lose his hand to a certain over-zealous collector, and he did not die. He did not spend time in the Underworld, and therefore has done none of the self-reflection that lead to any betterment.

Rather, CriMidas witnessed these misfortunes fall upon the other ones, and has been laying low to bide time until stepping into the spotlight. Previously busy building a criminal syndicate in the shadows (aided by previous organization leaders in Valeria & Montague), he's ready now to cause a bit of havoc on the island.

He despises other Midas', in particular the one who calls himself "King". He thinks the attempted reclamation of that title, and that man's "new leaf" bullshit is pathetic.

CriMidas is angry that King is doing well. He has a support system in Jules, his version of Valeria, and a crew who seem to truly love and care for him. King's efforts at being a better man are working (not that CriMidas would ever admit it), and he's living a life he should be living. In charge, comfortable, respected by many. While CriMidas is where he's at; respected by the few he keeps in his circle, but feared by everyone in the criminal ring beneath him.

However, if feared if what he is, then so be it. CriMidas drinks, smokes, and is a frequent drug user (cocaine, mostly). He fucks anyone he wants, and gets whatever he wants. He's doing just fine. It's only King's attitude that pisses him off.

-"King Midas thinks he's better than everyone else because, what? He went to Hell for a few years? Fuck him. I can undo his 'progress'."

This Midas is cold with a short fuse. He has no contact with his daughter, and allows extremely few people close to him. The only exception being his two confidants, Montague and Valeria. They are his right and left hand, and the only two who can influence his decisions (often times too short-sighted to see just how many strings they control). Even with them, he does not discuss emotions as he spends little time thinking on "feelings" himself.

He is particularly ruthless, choosing to kill people by means other than his golden touch. Very much intentional, he wants to be known for his brutality over his curse.

He does have better control over his touch than some versions of Midas. Tapped into his anger and shut-off to most other feelings, he very rarely looses control. He'll turn everything he touches when in a rage, but to him, this is as intended. Although he does have a quick temper, truly losing himself to it is an extreme rarity.

Tags I'll use!

Wears his hair similar to Kado on purpose. Emulating a man who got the better of other Midas', but who he successfully avoided is an intentional slight to all those parties. His blog title is also a dig at any Midas who wears a crown.

#Malicious Musings = Asks answered in character. #Gilded Crime = Posts/interactions in-character. #Wrongdoings = For interactions between characters that are meant to be read as happening in-person/privately. #Stash = In-character reblogs of art, aesthetic posts, etc. #Shut your trap Snippy = For posts like these where I will talk out of character!

[joltai-showa]

fic notes, "Dealing with the Devil" edition

okay, so, as promised, here's a "fun things you might have missed" Joltai Showa edition, and today we'll be talking about "Dealing with the Devil" because I think this one in particular doesn't extrapolate on a lot of things as the original ending got kind of cut + there's like twenty million sprikles of headcanons regarding this AU that (possibly?) might not make sense to the reader

- the name of the fic: if it wasn't obvious, it's a pun on "dealing with someone" and "making a deal with the devil" (with Madara being this canonically eerie and menacing figure in the story this is pretty much what happens in the fic). generally I make the titles for my fics (and chapters wink wink BSSM) either as I am finishing the work or literally as I am staring down at ao3's posting form lmao. I'd say the only ones that don't follow this pattern would be the title of "From Queen to a Pawn" (I was sitting in a coffee shop seething from everything about my thesis and then I had the sudden inspiration for the title) and its chapter 3 (I was planning on naming that one "Hell" as far as when I was writing chapter 4 of LTFG)

- the cut ending: originally I intended for the fic to actually end events that happen after "Deidara's deal", however I was already like 2 weeks past the deadline, this bad boy already had like 15k words in it + I was kind of getting sick of it tbh, so in the end I decided on finishing it somewhere around the peak of absurdity which would be the deal. if you're curious what I originally had in mind, here it is: there was actually another reason for Madara's neighbors to move away and that's grandpa watching pretty spicy yaoi tapes at full volume before sleep (he's getting closer to 80, so he forgets how to turn on the headphones + he doesn't really care for anyone's comfort other than his own cuz he's a bitch like that). after making the deal grandpa is much more friendly to his grandson and his fiance, so they have a pretty chill dinner with the Zetsus and then they stay the night in the guest room (Obito does feel bad for not coming back for years, so pretty quickly agrees after grandpa offers). they do unfortunately discover that bad habit of Madara's. Obito is traumatized, Deidara almost dies after choking on air from laughing too much. as I've said like 3 times before, this fic is just a glorified shitpost lmao

- the Uchiha family tree: the fact that the single most broken, beloved by Kishimoto and literally the center of all bullshit happening in the world clan has NO FUCKING PROPER structure is so mindblowing to me. it was kind of annoying back when I first read the manga, but after spending almost 5 years in Jojo fandom (where we have 6 parts about the story of one gigantic disfunctional family spanning literally 150 years and where we KNOW how every single one of them is related to each other) it feels outright insulting and kinda drives me mad. like, okay, thanks for telling me that Sasuke and Itachi are brothers, their parents are Fugaku and Mikoto, but what the fuck about the others? Who the fuck is Shisui? At what point of the bloodline Madara had kids before fucking off into the sunset to find a big orange puppy to run Konoha over with? Did Izuna get any bitches before Tobirama sent him back to the Uchiha ancestors? Is Obito some sort of fucking tulpa from Kakashi's mind? Not a single goddamn person from his own clan ever acknowledges his existence in the story except from the ressurected guy who stole him after Kannabi and gave him the task of playing himself for the following sixteen years, at this point I'll believe in anything, because Kishimoto somehow manages to fuck up even his own favorite clan's writing in favor of yanking it for the Sharingan for another 100 pages

- ahem, rant over. anyway, for this fic I kind of crammed the bloodline to a reasonable size, with Madara being the starting point, him being the father to Fugaku and Obito's father, Obito being his eldest grandchild and Sasuke and Itachi being sons to Fugaku as they are in canon. if you're reading my BSSM AU, nope, this is not the structure of the Uchiha family that I have in mind

- it was never properly mentioned in the fic, but Madara's and "grandma"s marriage was arranged. grandma passed away a long time ago, so much so that out of grandkids only Obito actually remembers her. in any case, Madara never really cared for her, his focus was more on his political career and his one true rival

- Deidara's family structure: now if you are reading my BSSM AU, congrats, because this fic has pretty much the same family structure that I imagine for Akatsuki Girldara, meaning her own parents passed away a long time ago and she was taken in by Kurotsuchi's parents, so they were raised together. Here both of them see each other as sisters, which is... well... a bit different from what is going on in BSSM AU. in any case, Onoki remains the annoying bitch in her life in any universe, but here he's just her kind of grandfather

- did I mention how absolutely hilarious to me Madara being so obviously evil in those flashbacks of Obito's? both of them are pretty funny in retrospect, with one of them straight up telling Obito that "😈oh😈don't😈worry😈you'll😈be😈back😈to😈repay😈for😈my😈kindness😈soon😈enough😈" and Obito just going "yeah, yeah, grandpa, whatever". also, Obito, darling, why the fuck are you talking about the most important people in your life to THESE ABSOLUTE FUCKING STRANGERS??? HAS NO ONE TOLD YOU THE PHRASE "STRANGER DANGER"??? ALSO DID YOU NEVER OPEN A HISTORY BOOK IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE??? YOU MEET THE GHOST OF UCHIHA AND DON'T REMEMBER THAT TINY LITTLE DETAIL ABOUT HOW MADARA TRIED TO DESTROY THE VILLAGE YOU LOVE SEVERAL TIMES AND IS AS MUCH OF THE ENEMY TO KONOHA AS THOSE GUYS THAT CRASHED THOSE BOULDERS ON TOP OF YOU. I swear to god kid Obito is the type of person to get asked by Zetsus "So where does Rin live? What days does she work at the hospital? Can you tell us where she likes to hang out alone? How often do your sensei and Bakakashi leave the village? Is Rin good in hand-to-hand combat?" and answer them all honestly, without ever suspecting anything. Seriously, Madara and Zetsu could be doing "We are Number One" song from the Lazytown and Obito would be clapping along, thinking about how talanted everyone here is.

- the Deidara heel thing: because this is a normal modern day AU where neither of them have to fight for their lives, Deidara does and loves typically girl things, like dresses, heels, etc etc which would be completely inconveniet for a shinobi. and she's pretty, so she slays in both of these things. and another funny story but after I posting this fic I ordered some new boots for autumn and, well, at the time when looking at the photos I didn't think that the heels were that high. only when I got the boots I realized that 8.5 cm is, in fact, a fucking lot. so now I guess now I am cosplaying as Deidara from this fic

- Obito still has the scars in this AU. presumably from some similar circumstances from "To End with a Bang", but I'll write more about it when I'll be talking about it. I guess this one is more about his relationship with the family that, at the end of the day, supported him through it

- the circumstances of Obito and Deidara meeting and deciding to marry in this AU: it's kind of sprinkled throught the fic, but anyway, here's what I had in mind: they still have the same age gap as they do in canon, Deidara was a university student doing an art degree, Obito was sent by Hokage to serve as Konoha's high comissioner (the dictionary says that it's supposed to be a synonim to "ambassador" and that sounds cooler, so I used it). Obito went to some official event organized by Tsuchikage (which Deidara, unfortunately, had to attend) and proceeded to try to mingle with the local important guys in expensive suits, but in the process ended up saying something so stupid about Iwagakure's art that Deidara couldn't hold herself back and went off to pretty much tell Obito off for his idiocy. in the end they ended up agreeing on meeting on the weekdays in Iwa's various museums where she can fix this dumbass's ideas regarding art in Land of Earth. and, well, after a while they kind of started crushing on each other. Obito assumed that to be one-sided and Deidara liking playing her role of cultural senpai, so he was trying to hide it, while Deidara wanted to bash his head against the wall because he was taking so long. in the end they were sitting in their favorite cafe in one of the museums, Obito was eating his chocolate cake, Deidara was drinking her coffee, finally Deidara's patience ran out and she grabbed him and kissed him there and then. Obito kind of realized that what they had was, in fact, mutual, so they started secretly dating, until the time came for him to return to Konoha, and at this point both of them didn't want to fall apart, so a few days later Obito proposed. Deidara's family at the time had no idea about any of this (I guess Kurotsuchi might have been suspecting something about her sis having a boyfriend, but not who exactly the guy is), so... yeah... a big shitstorm ensued, because not only all of the sudden Deidara had a boyfriend, said boyfriend was now her fiance, a lot older than her and both of them were planning on leaving the country as soon as possible. in the end things did get figured out, so the two of them leaving for Konoha was pretty uneventful

- Deidara continues to have insane beef with all Uchihas imaginable. I mean, it's kind of insane in retrospect that this one random guy managed to throw hands with all remaining Uchihas in his short 19 year old lifespan, especially considering he isn't the main character and officially there's only two Uchihas remain, but somehow Deidara had managed to blow up the third secret one a few times. he's got some sort of Uchiha curse of his own that needs to be studied. anyway, her relationship with Obito started off with her arguing with him, her beef with Madara is literally the plot of this fic, Sasuke was acting like a little spoiled shit and pissed her off during that one meeting she had with Fugaku's family, Itachi was pretty cordial with her, but she took it as him thinking he's better than her, Mikoto is something of a similar case, but she got hate for worrying about things between Obito and his unexpected fiance because really half of the time her nephew has no idea what he is doing, and Fugaku pisses her off for being overly controlling just like Onoki was

- similarly to canon, Onoki and Madara actually met in here, but as representatives of different countries, not whatever the fuck they were at the time of that flashback that couldn't have happened if Kishimoto actually kept track of the dates he had in the manga

- currently Deidara and Obito are living at Obito's old place in Konoha. because it wasn't really suited for two people + Obito didn't want Deidara to worry about having to work after moving like that because he earns more than enough + this is her first time in Konoha, so he wants her to have fun and find things that she loves about her pretty much new home, so in the end they agreed that Obito works, while Deidara explores Konoha, redesigns their apartment and figures out the little details of the wedding. on weekends they do this together. or sometimes just laze about if the work was too much for Obito and he's pretty much falling back asleep as soon as he opens his eyes in the morning.

- Deidara knows how to make a lot of things with her own hands, so she's decided that most of the really important things for the wedding she'll make herself, in particular their kimonos. Obito was absolutely elated

- I couldn't be bothered to look up on what hand people in Japan wear the wedding/engagement rings or if they wear it at all, so in the end I just imagined the two of them wearing them on the same hand that they wear their Akatsuki rings - right for Deidara, left for Obito

- Uchiha family here doesn't really have an insignia like Uchiha clan in canon does, but grandpa Madara has watched far too many historical dramas and made one for his family. a lot of stuff in his house has it, and whenever he wants to gift something to his family, it always his that fan on it. the remaining Uchiha family is pretty sick of it

- for similar reasons he has his own mini-trebuchet that Obito helped him to order off Kakuzon under the promise he'll never use it against anyone. even before Obito left for Iwa grandpa already broke the promise a few times. probably with Fugaku being the unfortunate victim of it. at least he didn't use his Hashirama bodypillow at the time. he's figured how to buy it on his own a few years after Obito left

- and yes it's Kakuzon. because Kakuzu would absolutely love the horrors of modern day capitalism

- while Deidara in here is still as stubborn as they go, because this is a much more peaceful AU, she is much more okay with showing her desire to rely on Obito, like, for example, hiding behind him when she's feeling skittish

- old man Madara lives by "gaslight gatekeep grandpaboss" when it comes to Obito. a lot of things regarding his attitude here comes from my own experience with my older relatives + my knowledge on how old people act in Asian cultures, so that's why he's so over the top authoritarian and dramatically shuts the door whenever something doesn't go his way. and of course blaming everyone for being against him and not caring for him at all

- I'm sorry everyone but I do not agree that long-haired Obito was in any capacity hot. for me of all Uchihas the only one capable of pulling off the long-haired look is Madara and that's just barely. the rest of them just end up looking homeless, depressed and unwashed. i look at kid Obito with long hair and can just smell how dirty and full of lice they are

- of all the things in this fic that I reference from canon, the cane being a scythe is absolutely canon. i wish I was kidding you. but no, old man Madara indeed pulls up to recently awakened Obito with a fucking scythe as a walking cane.

i am not even sure who's the goofier mf between these two. shinobi world must be feeling ashamed that these goobers almost won

- "The old man may look feeble, but Deidara immediately knows that this guy is evil enough to live on a secluded bog like some sort of bitchy hag that steals young naive girls and offers to resurrect their dead husbands as zombies in exchange for their yet to be born babies." - that's the BG3 reference, in particular to Auntie Ethel's quest in Act 1. I was doing that part of the game with my friends as I was writing this fic, so I was feeling silly and inspired. Besides, lowkey Auntie Ethel and Madara would absolutely be besties. Living in some dank cave for years? Check. Offer some kids a deal with the devil and force them to wear a mask, causing them to end up insane? Check. Appearing youthul and handsome when meeting the protagonist when in reality they are an old creepy bitch? Check. Vicious mockery? *remembers Obito translating Madara's oldmanese to normal language for Naruto* Check.

- here Uchihas frequently end up with bloodshot eyes whenever they get pissed and glare at someone. yep, that's the Sharingan reference

- did I mention "gaslight gatekeep grandpaboss" already? yeah, Onoki loves to do that too, so Deidara is immune to that. Obito has a soft heart, so he isn't

- Leafone is a reference to a certain apples related brand, because it's funny to imagine old man Madara with a smartphone

- I forgot to mention but in all my AU whether they are posted or not Obito ends up calling Deidara "love" given that their relationship progresses to this phase, that's the nickname he's dreamed of giving to his one and only loved one

- some gaming lingo thrown here and there, but yes, Obito and Deidara love playing videogames together. one of the things that they do on the lazy weekends

- I did mention that Deidara was adopted by Kurotsuchi's family, but she doesn't see anyone except for her as her relatives really

- canonically Deidara flies 24/7, so it made sense to give her a pilot license lmao

- even if I write Madara as this iredeemabble evil, he did actually miss Obito a lot and expected him to properly return like a good grandchild he is, but then all of the sudden all of his plans are ruined because apparently Obito decided that he wants to marry someone🙄🙄🙄🙄

- on that note grandpa is also pretty sexist and racist lol. that's why he only talks with Obito and opts for ignoring Deidara outright. I do imagine that people from different countries in Naruto world have different accents, so grandpa pokes at that too

- because Obito was gone for years, Madara's yaoi collection has exponentialy expanded. he reads/watches it with something like "it could have been us Hashi fr😭😭😭😭". he also doesn't really like Fugaku's family, so he ended up alone with just his collection and his army. you can see why he's getting more and more insane in his family's eyes

- "good thing to know that the old guy wasn't connected to yakuza or something like that. After having to grow up in Onoki's vicinity, she wouldn't disregard such a possibility easily." - similarly to how canon Onoki uses Akatsuki, a terrosist organization, for his goals, here Onoki might have also dabbled in questionable solutions to his issues

- a lot of old people I know end up picking up gardening as their hobby. Madara is no exception to that lmao, so the Zetsu army transforms into a large cacti collection. I have no clue about how cacti multiply, so let's all assume that Black Zetsu is the oldest cacti of them all. He's also dead and really belongs in the trash, but Madara for some reason keeps him around. Guruguru is a straight up different plant (I google a twirly plant and that's pretty much the first thing that came up), it's a gift from Obito who also thought it's a cactus (it's not).

- on that note Madara doesn't bother with naming them really.

- lowkey Deidara is scared that Obito would have to inherit the Zetsu army eventually

- "Are you trying to inform me that you've still got two eyes after you stunt in Iwagakure? Color me surprised." - while techically Kannabi bridge wasn't Land of Earth per say, we certainly all remember a certain stunt that left Obito without an eye after getting to spend some time with some guys from Iwa

- Madara for years had a hatelove thing for Hashirama. unfortunately for him Hashirama was as dense as Obito sometimes is, so he never properly picked up on that, pretty happy with his wife Mito (who Madara treats as his enemy number 1)

- "a bony finger is thrust right into Obito's face, Deidara almost jumps to try and protect him from losing his left eye" - the very same one that Obito canonically loses

- "This feels like those ridiculous M rated comics Kurotsuchi loved to buy, something with the name "A Ninja Warlord Dies And Reincarnates In Our World Before Falling In Love With Another Average Guy" or something." - it was at this point that I decided that Kurotsuchi being a fujoshi and Deidara being an artist for such content would be the single funniest dynamic imaginable. let girls have hobbies. also yes a reference to canon Madara.

- "grandpa would spend all the time just complaining about how everything Senju-san ever did was wrong, go to a lot of his lectures, even crash Senju-san's granddaughter's wedding." - yep, that's Tsunade and Dan. at least in some universe they get to be together, even if an old wild man ends up crashing on their special day

- "Obito looks like he has just witnessed his crush getting murdered by his best friend." - you know exactly what moment this refers to.

- "Cacti certainly don't appreciate their master's grandson's dramatic outburst." - BSSM AU Zetsus do anger management classes just to deal with Obito's bullshit lmao

- "Just this year she gifted me an album with all of my different expressions, and somehow on every single one of them she's made me look five times as handsome as I am in real life!" - this is actually a reference to one of my most favorite fics for Obidei, but I'll talk about it on another day. in that fic Deidara used to hide his hobby of drawing, believing that Obito wouldn't support it and would forbid him from doing it. in the end, Obito ends up seeing the album with Deidara's drawings, including a very silly one with Obito being angry, all of which Obito absolutely loves

- by the end of the fic Madara actually refers to Deidara by her name for the first time. hooray. yaoi bonding

and that's it for "Dealing with the Devil"!

while I was writing my submissions for obidei week I stumbled upon this meme and almost fucking died, because it's literally just old man Madara from this fic

[catastrofriend]

Title: in over our heads Fandom: fallen hero Characters: Leigh Bennett (sidestep), Ricardo Ortega Words: 833 Notes: for years now, I’ve had this headcanon that is probably not rooted in canon at all but it is all but rooted into my brain that Ortega has panic attacks. They probably have had them on and off for years, in my head, since after heartbreak. Maybe they got better over time but now with everything with sidestep being back but the threat of losing them again and then them getting hurt, has just made it all so much worse again. Anyway, that shit means a lot to me. And it comes back in a lot of my writing. Like this one. AO3: here

-------

Recovery makes for long days. Boring days. You’ve been stuck in your own head too long and you’re painfully aware how you hate being there even in the best of times. It makes you wonder even more about his.

Ortega’s mind is the only one you can never see a glimpse of. You used to think he was an open book, he’d tell you everything, he was so forward and genuine you couldn’t imagine him keeping secrets. You were so stupid. Even a few months ago, he was fucking playing you. You thought you had him, but you really had no idea.

But at least back then he’d tell you something. Even if it was the smallest kernel, obfuscated by lies and misdirection and all the things you should have noticed, at least he was sharing something. These days he barely even talks to you anymore. Not about things that matter. You’ve tried arguing with him about it, asked him, confronted him directly about the lack of trust, even though he has no reason—that he knows of (probably)—to mistrust you. He keeps saying it won’t help you getting better to get all worked up. To take the time to rest, sort your head out a bit. He says you need it. He’s still an idiot like that.

It itches at you, not knowing what’s going on with him, the Rangers, the city. Hollow Ground. You keep up with the news but fuck knows that’s all bullshit, and most media barely glance over the things that really matter. And you know things are happening. They have to be. Life was put on hold for you, but not for everyone else. You know Ortega wasn’t cleared to go back to work when he did, and he’s trying to hide it, but you know better now, he’s exhausted. He’s pushing his limits and he’s not talking to you about it. Probably not talking to anyone. Very likely not even allowing himself to think about it.

See, you have figured some things out about him since you’ve been stuck here. You’ve wondered several times if his head is a worse place than yours to be in right now. It might be. He’s been unable to hide the sour moods, the tension, the anger he usually obfuscates by deflection and distraction. You’ve started pretending to fall for it again because asking him about it just made it worse. The first time he snapped at you about how fine he was left you shaking and with your back pressed against the wall for safety. He apologized later. And distracted you, put his tongue to good use. What you really wanted was an explanation, though, and he never did give that. But you’ve decided to let it slide, like so many other things. Like the pills he keeps behind lock and key (scared you’ll use them for other ends? Or does he simply not want you to know?). Like the nights he disappears to go for a drive or whatever he does, or the ones where he doesn’t come home at all. Like the panic attacks he tries to hide.

Okay, the last one is pure conjecture on your part, you still don’t have anything solidly pointing towards it, but it feels likely. You picked the lock on the cabinet he keeps his meds in (and every other lock in the apartment, besides), and you know what those are for. Sometimes he goes into the bathroom and turns on the shower but doesn’t use it (again, you’ve checked. No new laundry, no used towels) and you used to think maybe he wanted a private phone call but then you saw he didn’t take his phone. Maybe he wanted some privacy to crank one out but he’s been very open (and inviting) about that. (You’ve accepted the invitation to help once or twice). You’ve considered trying to catch him at it, but decided it would be inconsiderate and very unhelpful for either of you. You do know from experience that sometimes you need to break and you need to do it without anyone bothering you and trying to be helpful. So you let it slide and you think (hope) that he will talk to you when he’s ready and not after it’s gone too far. Despite his track record. And your own track record.

And now you’re here. Feeling more than watching him sleep, and thinking about the state of his head. He’s all gentle slopes and soft pressure against you now, and you like to think at least tonight you’ve helped him and not made it worse. It didn’t take much. Order takeout so he didn’t feel he had to cook after being home early for once. Let him close. Don’t talk too much, don’t ask questions. Claim you’re tired and insist he join you when you go to bed (lie awake restless and bored). Feel that little bit of your life, and your heart, slot into place.

[the-sprog]

The titles of 3 and 4 of your WIP post intrigue me so much, could you tell me a bit more about them?? Thank you Sprog !! 🐻‍❄️🍄😽

Thank you!! Ok so, Number 3: That's not tubular.

This is a Camp Camp fic I started writing but wrote so little of that I didn't even get to the prompt part of it 😅 It's supposed to be about David dagging de-aged by Harrison to when he first joined Camp Campbell! The episode where David tells Max the tale of his and Jasper, telling him about how much of a sourpuss he was, how much he used to be like Max, and Max being like "Yeah you made that up just to make me like camp", is why I wanted to write this. There's some magic bullshit in this show that I think gets overlooked too much.

Harrison made his brother disappear, we should talk about that more.

So I wanted to use this to get Angsty!David and Max to meet. The plan I had for this was to basically give Max a rival. Someone who threatens his place as the one at the top of the food chain. Until they find a way to get him back to Regular!David, that is.

I enjoy writing Max. He's a little kid who's had to grow up too fast and trying his hardest to make everyone hate him, but failing miserably. While David is kinda... refreshing for me. He's unapologetically optimistic to a fault.

It's called "that's not tubular" because uuuuh basically David as a child called people squares, even though it's slang from like the late 40s. And the way people react in the show it's like he swore real bad. So I wanted to use more old slang, and in a situation where tiny!david has to react to something he doesn't like, I feel like tubular would get said.

I'm struggling to choose a snippet for this fic because I haven't touched this idea in... some time... and my punctuation and epithets usage has gotten significantly better in the meantime.

The first one to pick had been Neil, then Space Kid, Erid, Dolph, and so on and so forth, until everyone had a straw in their hands. Max glanced at the other kids’ straws, realizing that David didn’t really understand how drawing straws is supposed to work. All of the straws, but one, have to be the same length. Instead, each camper had in their hand straws of all sizes, making it extremely difficult to figure out who had won. They took some time, comparing each straw, and concluded that Harrison had been the winner of their game.

Numer 4: Ghost for a day (or two)

This one is a sequel to a Danny Phantom fic I published, "Point of Capture". At the end of that fic, Danny is inside a cage and is being dragged to his parents' lab to do some test. In "Ghost for a day (or two)" Danny accepts a truce to let them do non invasive tests to learn more about ghosts and give him a chance at redemption.

He runs away with a power dampener on him.

I got the point of him reaching Sam and Tuck when he escapes. Even though he accepted the truce, he wasn't sure how the dampener would work, so he decides to leave, regroup, and then if it turned out to be truly safe, he'd go back to the Fentons to help them learn more.

This sequel would be about Danny going about his day stuck as Phantom (I know that canonically when he loses his powers he detransforms, but it's less that he loses them and more like he can't access them. So he can't transform) but trying not to make anyone notice while he goes to school and fights ghosts, while also trying to find a way to get his powers back. And also about some headcanons about the philosophy of death in a world where ghosts exist. As well as an exploration of how the Fenton parents think when it comes to ghost morality.

The title is kinda self explainatory, I feel like. Danny gets stuck in ghost mode and it takes longer than he expected to get his powers back.

This wip also suffers from having been written 3 years ago. I haven't touched it since. The punctuation is horrible, especially when it comes to dialogue tags.

His dad reached closer to the cage and freed him. Danny eyed the portal, then his parents who were at that moment preoccupied with setting up their equipment. “I’m sorry” he murmured, then ran to the portal’s button and pressed it. Getting pricked in the finger so many times is starting to get on his nerves. The sound of the opening portal caused his parents to turn around, and his mom to run towards him. Danny didn’t spare any time and jumped inside the green swirl. He said ‘sorry’ again, that time louder than before, after seeing the disappointment and confusion in his father's eyes. It hurt. But he can’t risk it.

I really want to touch up these two fics again. I think there's some real fun to be had, especially with the DP one.

[bagel-boy-sama]

Astarion Baldurs Gate 3 Isn't A TumblrSexyMan™, He's Just A SexyMan™

I've seen a large number of people, most of whom are in the Astarion Disliker/"I don't get it" camp most who are not on this particular hell site, cite Astarion as Tumblr's latest sexyman. Today, I will be explaining why I do not believe that to be the case. That instead, as the title states, he's just a sexyman.

No real knowledge of the hell site is required, I'll explain things for the new people.

Setting The Definitions

First, definitions because this is now Intro to Writing and Rhetoric. A sexyman would be anyone, usually masc or a man, who is concidered sexy by a wide range of people. Fascinating.

A Tumblr Sexyman, on the other hand, is a thing - usually fictional entity - that is incredibly popular on Tumblr.com to the degree it escapes it's fandom sometimes, in the most extreme of cases, becoming far more popular than it's original fandom. It is characterized by a few major characteristics. Ranging from Twinkism* (be it the character or fan interpretation), generally unconventionally/perceived to be unconventionally attractive in a non physical sense (character traits that wouldn't otherwise be desirable, like absurd behavior or generally evilness), to impeccable drip (either in the original media/design, or done by fans in fanart).

*note: Twinkism (which I did just throw in on the spot this is entirely bullshit for my own amusement) is the phenomenon of skinny, young looking, pretty/feminine white boys who are within media. This is different from twinks, who are understood to be young and skinny - being pretty, popular, or white is not connected. All those who participate in Twinkism are Twinks, but not all Twinks participate in Twinkism.

Does Astarion Baldurs Gate 3 Fit The Definition?

First rule: must be at least a twink. Is he?

No. Yes. Kinda. In a way. Many people would describe Astarion as someone who's gone through "Twink Death". No this is not because he's literally undead. Twink Death, in it's simplest form, is when a twink no longer looks young and/or feminine. Astarion has aged. His crows feet and laugh lines, while beautiful, do not make him look 18. For some this would disqualify him from being a Twink. So perhaps he has failed at the first step.

I, however, am not satisfied with that. Moving on, is Astarion - or would Astarion - actually be considered conventionally unattractive in any way that is disconnected from his appearance? I argue no. Vampires are considered very well, normal to lust after. They're right below succubus on the "This isn't considered weird to find attractive" scale. You aren't romancing The Emperor here. Outside of that he's well groomed, shown to be muscular in game (headcanon does often disagree and while I wish it was true we are working with facts for this specific discussion), and an elf. In personality, while not for everyone, he's the pretty standard fruity sarcastic gay who's a bit selfish. We all know a fruity sarcastic gay who's a bit selfish, and they get laid. So it can't be considered that bad. Probably.

I feel important to note here that I am aroace and have no idea what I'm talking about right now. This is an educated guess.

Astarion has lost now, two for two. He's barely a twink, even going off of his model he's more a twunk. He definitely doesn't fit the Twinkism phenomenon. He's not weird to find attractive, I assume, so what else is there? His drip? I'm sorry, but his base outfit is a bit well Goofy to say the least. Much fanart leaves him in this outfit or a simpler version because drawing ruffles is enough to make anyone want to willingly jump headfirst into the underdark, so he fails the drip test as well.

His final hurtle: is his popularity Tumblr™. In this context Tumblr™ is different from Tumblr. Tumblr™ is the fandom side, where a sexyman would flourish and find their own fandom. Importantly, this fandom needs to be very insular to the site. It's a *Tumblr* sexyman after all. So that begs the question, is Astarion highly liked by mostly or purely Tumblr people/those who have the vibes of a Tumblr user? No.

Astarion is well loved by many people of various vibes. He has affected (previously) straight men on Reddit. Few can escape him and his 10 charisma.

Conclusion

Astarion is just a sexyman. He's just a fictional character that many think is neat and attractive for a variety of reasons. He's the Ryan Reynolds of crpgs. He's some dude, who's generally considered attractive by a lot of people who you both would and wouldn't expect to find him attractive.

[grimm-the-tiger]

A compilation of some of my favorite non-canonical tags from my Whumptober 2024 fics (all-fandom version)

i didn't even proofread this sucker babeyyyy

Winter, i mean it's called the winter war for a reason

i love my little honk gremlin squad

i don't know how well this actually follows the prompts but fuck it

Some Humor, mostly crass humor

Estonia needs a fucking break man

Victorian-era understanding of bacterial infections

Trans Female Character, it's not important i just think it's neat

Author has just started the Grishaverse and still doesn't fully know how it works yet, please bear with me

Temporary Amnesia, courtesy of the aforementioned head trauma

slight overuse of scots words

author cannot write bdubs to save their ass

Coping with boredom by drinking it away (along with all the rest of your problems)

Accidental overdose, don't worry he's fine

Background Zedaph shenanigans

Murphy's Law, actually Finagle's Law but that doesn't have a tag, and Murphy's Law is close enough

Moth Shenanigans (Sky: Children of the Light)

tbf this is the happy friendship sim, Like, the friendship is kind of an inevitability

no beta we blow ourselves up in the nether

reckless use of explosives

Zouchies, :), can't tell you how long i've wanted to use that tag

BAMF Canada (Hetalia), doesn't save him in the end but oh well

iceland is part demon but it's fine, it's not brought up but it's fine

Happy Ending, ish

lukas has so many trust issues it's not even funny, mfer your best friend has been kidnapped by witch hunters, no one is going to judge you if you show emotion for once

iceland has a fantastic time in this fic /lie

Zombie Apocalypse, Robot Apocalypse, combination of the two, it's complicated

weird metaphors

rope knots, not sexual ones, get your mind out of the gutter

thank god it's a weekend

title has nothing to do with the fic, i was just listening to hunger when i wrote it

canon-typical child murder

i will hold onto that headcanon until the day i die

america does shit all in this fic tbh

i genuinely have no idea how to tag this

i didn't know how to end this so i just...did

sort of but not really separation anxiety

woe, vex!etho be upon ye

he's trying his best, and falling flat on his face most of the time, but he's trying dammit

help i'm running out of ideas for no beta tags

vaguely political

Zouchies, i got to use the tag again!

Wanton abuse of the common comma

and downer endings, can't forget the downer endings

weird planetouched bullshit

[starlight-blvd]

the hearing — a hwu drabble-fic

(I wanted to write something for my HWU MC before I posted her profile entry so that her bio and headcanons made more sense. Quotes in italics come from dialogue in the quest itself.)

Friday, May 22nd, 2015

"Rose Jeanette Ingram, this is not the end of your acting career."

The brunette stood in front of her dorm's bathroom mirror, wearing a suit she'd kept in her closet to bring out for this unfortunate occasion. Her disciplinary hearing was scheduled to start in half an hour at the Monroe building, thankfully only a ten-minute walk away.

Her phone was on the sink's counter, still open so that her text messages were still on screen. Addison and Lisa were already there, and Zoe was finding a parking spot off-campus.

A knock on the door. "Rose? You good in there?"

Rose sighed. "Just a second!" She took one more look at herself in the mirror before exiting the bathroom.

Ethan Blake, her agent, stood in front of her desk with his hand leaning on its surface.

"Any luck?" she asked.

He shook his head with a pitiful expression. "Nope. Chris is out of the country to shoot a film, and Holly's going no-contact right now."

"Shit. And you can't vouch for me because your title makes them think you're inherently biased."

"Unfortunately. And we can't ask Aria to come in either since we didn't work with her."

Rose sat on the edge of her bed. "I can't believe this. All these technicalities, and it feels like they're running this hearing process ass-backwards. Anders probably put some fucking money behind this just so they can eliminate any of Bianca's competition."

Ethan moved to sit next to his friend, putting a hand on her shoulder. "You know what I always say: 'Integrity is losing with good intentions, not winning with bad intentions.' We just have to go in with Lisa and Zoe on our side at this point. It might still be enough, but we can't say we didn't try regardless."

She looked down at her feet as she slid on a pair of black heels. "You're right. I just don't want my career to end like this."

"I know. We'll get through this. I promise."

~~~

Fifteen minutes later, Rose sat at a table by herself in front of a long bench with several unoccupied seats. Addison, Ethan, Lisa and Zoe all sat a few rows behind her. Bianca, Jenni, Lance, and Anders all sat at a table a few yards away from Rose's.

Professor Singh walked into the room, followed by several faces Rose didn't recognize, save for Professor Hunt at the very end of the line. He was the only one to look at her and acknowledge her presence before going to sit behind the bench.

The air around her felt fifteen degrees colder when she heard the door fall shut.

"Nice of you to show up on time," Professor Singh remarked. "Barely."

"Save your vitriol for when it's warranted, Priya," Thomas quipped back before taking a head count of the room. "It looks like all relevant parties are here, so the hearing can begin." His voice didn't seem as cold as it usually was in this moment, and Rose couldn't discern if that was a good sign or not.

Professor Singh spoke again. "We've already had a chance to review the three projects you submitted. The work is impressive…" A long pause. "...but the issue of your character is a concern. We'll start with community members who wish to speak against Rose."

"Ooh! Me first!" Bianca's shrill voice spoke up, elbowing her boyfriend Lance in the ribs.

"Uh, and me! I want to say mean stuff about Rose!"

Anders crossed his arms, his facial expression as smug as the day Rose first knew of his existence. "And I have plenty to say."

Professor Singh seemed to copy his expression in return. "Oh, don't worry… you'll all get your turns-"

"This is asinine!" "——— bullshit!"

Rose had shouted with the more hearing-appropriate choice of words, but she hadn't expected the latter voice to continue.

"You do understand how predatory you appear to be, don't you?" Professor Hunt asked as he stood up from his seat at the bench.

"Thomas, what the hell do you think you're doing?" Professor Singh questioned with a shocked and seething voice.

"Calling out abhorrent behavior that I'm seeing happen directly in front of my face. Yours included. If this board is not going to function as intended, then I will not sit or stand as a member of it."

"You're making a mistake-"

"So is the board for letting us address the disciplinary complaint of a nineteen-year-old who went into a club despite being underage, was drinking despite being underage, and who antagonized a twenty-three-year-old woman who was just minding her own business." Professor Hunt moved from behind the bench. "I have all of these students in my class, Priya. I know how old they are. They're all going to make understandable mistakes that every student goes through, but I know damn well that there is video evidence of Bianca drinking in that club and video evidence of what actually happened that you did not want to take into account so you could accept a blank check from Anders Stone." He eventually stood beside Rose's table. "I will not let this slide."

This stunned the disciplinary board into silence — and almost everyone else, for that matter.

"You think you're so damn smart, Hunt," Anders remarked with a sneer. "Always trying to level the playing field with your heroism."

"I'm no hero." He turned to the actress. "I know Rose can defend herself well on her own, but I'm not going to sit here and watch her career die because of a setup."

Campus security started filing into the room, moving to take the Stone family and Bianca's friends off the premises.

The two professors who had spoken throughout this meeting glared daggers at each other from across the room.

"Dismiss this complaint," Thomas ordered. "You know the tabloids will devour this scandal when it comes out. None of us will come out looking good in the end."

Without a word but still continuing her glare, Professor Singh signed the dismissal from for the complaint, handing it off to the others to sign.

Rose sat there as if she were a deer in headlights, unsure if she really just bore witness to all of that in front of her. She didn't think that Hunt of all people would have sided with her, but as she watched people around her be even more vicious than she knew him to be in her presence, it dawned on her that this could just be the beginning of her time in the industry. Her mind went to how much worse things could get as opposed to how much better things could be after this. She took a calming breath as she finished processing the events of the meeting, watching the board members leaving after one of them handed the dismissal form to Hunt.

"I think I'm going to change my major," Rose said quietly.

Hunt paused, pen in hand. "Pardon?"

Rose looked down at her hands on the table. "If this is how the industry is going to continue to treat me as an actor, then I don't want things to get even worse."

Placing the paperwork down, Thomas looked at her. "I wouldn't rush into making that decision here and now." He sat across from her. "You still have many years ahead of you to figure this out. I know of your previous academic record, Rose. Your skillset leaves you at an advantage here." He signed the form and placed it into a manila folder, which in turn went into his messenger bag. "Ultimately, I can't make your decision for you, but summer break starts tomorrow. Give yourself some grace, and please give this idea more thought and time to see if that's what you want."

She nodded, taking a moment before looking over at him. "...thank you, Professor. For defending me."

Hunt nodded in return. "Of course. I know you can handle yourself, but I knew how this was going to play out if I didn't step in." He stood up from his seat. "Walk with me. Your friends are waiting for you."

Complying, Rose stood up and moved to walk side by side with him. "I thought you hated me. I've heard you call me a pain in the ass before."

"I was too quick to judge you, and I take full responsibility for that. Not just towards you, but toward some of your friends as well. I'm sorry."

Rose adjusted her sleeves. "It's okay. I'm just glad you apologized."

The two left the room as Addison, Ethan, Lisa and Zoe stood by the opposite wall of the hallway they entered.

"Keep me updated," Hunt said before turning down the hallway and exiting the building.

"What the hell was that?" Lisa asked.

"I don't know," Rose admitted, watching Hunt walk across the courtyard. "But I think I'll be fine in Hollywood 101 now."

[fefuckability]

TLDR: Black Knight and Bertram get to walk off being killed by Ike’s gaggle of latent homosexuality in between games, because reasons, but Petrine is forced to stay dead, she deserves justice! Also I go into some bullshit about her stats and Branded lore AND I have mathematical proof she’s more dommy than Nailah!

More below:

Now while I wouldn’t call myself the CEO of Petrine quite yet (still working on earning that title) I certainly would call myself a Petrine expert, and today I come to you with everyone’s favorite subjects; unit stats and headcanons for lore IS didn’t have time to actually finish.

Petrine’s stats in Path of Radiance (I’ll be using hardmode since the true ending basically confirms it as the “canon” difficulty) are incredibly standout, not just because she’s a fucking beast but also because they don’t make sense, at least on the surface.

Level:18

HP:43

STR:20

MAG:18

SKL:22

SPD:23

LCK:10

DEF:24

RES:19

(I wont be going over her CON since it’s essentially meaningless on a female character, iykyk but tldr IS has a real nasty habit of genderlocking a playable CON stat, Echidna who won the Binding Blade woman’s division is rendered useless in her starting chapter because her weapon is too heavy for her and the enemies she’s surrounded by double her to death because of it, she is a green unit, her surviving is mostly an rng check.)

So you might be noticing something here, why the actual fuck is a PALADIN a complete quality build between physical and magical stats?

(Besides IS wanting to give her a cool magic weapon of course, there are very few coincidences in Tellius, to such an insane degree that many of Radiant Dawn’s twists were figured out long before its release. The crumb trail of what is very likely Petrine cut content makes me sad.)

Here we dip ever so slightly into headcanons (I’ll try to avoid getting to deep into pseudo canon stuff) but the reasoning is almost certainly because of her brand (Tiger Tribe). Micaiah, a heron branded carrying Altina’s blood, can very notably cast magic without a tome (she also can cast dark/elder magic without consequence but thats not the point of this), the ability to cast spells you have a predisposed proficiency for without a tome is very likely not unique to her, rather what makes her special is the sheer power of the magic her body is capable of channeling.

Petrine’s weapon in Path of Radiance is the Flame Lance, it deals magical damage based on her abnormally high magic stat and is essentially a catalyst for fire anima combined with a weapon she’s comfortable using (S rank).

So it’s pretty likely Petrine can cast at least use some fire magic without a tome or other catalyst, but uses one for stronger spells to avoid the recoil on her body, and I just think that’s metal as fuck, like that shit’s fucking awesome.

(Which is why in Fire Emblem lore tomes break, they take on the spell’s recoil in place of your body, and also why Valentian mages are just built different and say fuck that. What likely differentiates Branded is that they can cast varying degrees of magic without suffering recoil to their body, in Micaiah’s case healing magic is incredibly straining so I like to think of Sacrifice more being her casting Nosferatu in reverse)

Nailah time; she has a husband, a Heron who she says is perfect for her and they are very cute together but theres something here of note. Heron’s (theres no info on the other Bird Laguz) canonically have hollow bird bones, I’m not kidding, Reyson breaks his hand punching Oliver in the face.

Reyson: I suffer more damage than my target.

Ike: What?!

Reyson: When I bashed Duke Tanas's face, he only suffered a bloody nose, but it cracked the bones in the back of my hand.

Ike: Holy.

Reyson: Indeed.

Ike: ...But it felt good, right?

Reyson: Oh, yeah.

Nailah is at the very least canonically capable of restraining her vicious Snu Snu to be gentle enough she won’t break her boytoy, which is REALLY fucking gentle, and while Petrine is probably also surprisingly healthy about kinky stuff (lets be real would she really consider it a “victory” if her partner didn’t want it?) I’m just saying even the strongest would prolly need a healer afterwards.

Also she would definitely put a collar on you, I know her constantly calling people dogs is censorship of her swearing her ass off in Japanese, but Japanese Petrine is probably also carrying some insane BDSM “lick my boots and hump my leg but I’m also viciously protective of you and really do care” vibes.

Also her tits are bigger than Nailah’s.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk/unhinged rant, please consider voting Petrine she is very pretty and deserves better than she got, and even though Nailah will prolly win all the way to first place I can at least hope it won’t be a one sided curbstomp.

If by some miracle Petrine comes out on top there will be raucous celebrations.

ima frame this post on my wall for posterity