#<- working title for my. headcanon bullshit

[lycankeyy]

The brainrot is taking hold. Take the shot /j

(Context for the third image is Personal Headcanon of the Pico's School -> FNF Timeline™️ AU, dw about it lol)

[n3ptun3e]

—SUNSHINE BOY!

shisui uchiha x reader + headcanons

how shisui would eventually fall in love with you!

notes: listen, i’m no writer and my english is kind of shit, but desperate times call for desperate measures and i’m starving for cute shisui content with no inc3st in it, so this was born!! please enjoy it!

honestly? i just did this because it’s too fun to decorate the posts

You two became friends in the short period he was in the academy speed running through classes. He was pretty popular just like any other clan kid with the prodigy title, and since the whole “ostracize the uchiha clan” didn’t happen yet, at least not as obvious as it was in the series, the both of you would train or just spend lunch together, probably invites you to his house. Training in a secluded part of the forest and having deep talks would be one of his favorite activities to do with you. He loves loves to delve into the depths of other people’s minds and try to figure them out, what makes you act this way, your thought process, how does your mind works? he wants to know this because he wants to know the real you, to understand the puzzle that you are, it’s his way to show that he cares, otherwise he wouldn’t keep you as close as you are. He probably doesn’t even realize his thoughts are way more…technical? for scientific purposes only☝🏻 than your average person, because he’s a prodigy and all that, so he can come off as a little bit blunt (though as he grows up he’s much more suave and smooth when sharing his thoughts. Clan meetings and political bullshit does that to someone) but he has the bestest intentions in mind being the altruist that he is. He’s a curious and smart boy!!!

Either way, he likes to spend time with you, you saw the real him, not shisui the prodigy, shunshin no shisui, or the “weird and show off guy”, but him. If he had any other friends besides you, they would be gone once the kyuubi attack happens. Konoha doesn’t have the best education, so the kids would just follow what their parents told them and some adults already didn’t like him, so there really wasn’t anyone else around. It’s around this time that he met Itachi, seeing a glimpse of him and his long dead friend on the child, he decides to take him under his wing.

I’m not sure if it’s canon, but it’s stated in some places that he unlocked his mangekyõ because of his teammate, his friend that was more powerful than him, shisui was envious, jealous even. one day on a mission his friend got hurt and needed assistance, but shisui as team captain decided to follow through with the mission and his friend ended up dying. and THAT’S the crucial moment where he’s going to need someone the most. He’s a uchiha, they have big hearts and just feel more, much more than your average person, the blame crushes him, he’s already a gentle soul who is forced to kill others for his own village, and to make matters worse they are in war times, you saw how obito and naruto turned out very different because of it right? that, plus the start of the apparent hate and suspicion of the village towards his clan, makes way for rumors, “he’s an Uchiha, what else would we expect from him…? you should be careful, they are not to be trusted”. I imagine his clan would push and pressure him to become more powerful, to “Bring pride into the clan” moving him up in the ranks, making him enter anbu as a child even if he’s already a jõnin.

He just breaks, childish glint in his eyes gone, so he comes to you, “i didn’t know where else to go…” he breaks down in your arms, silent tears falling from his eyes as he clings onto you, his grip tight as if you would disappear at any moment, his only friend that didn’t left him. All the tension and adrenaline from battle would eventually leave his body as he relaxes, letting out all his frustrations away, feeling so fucking tired, body getting out of survival mode, his thoughts and feelings finally getting to him, you hug him tight and strokes his unruly dark curls, soothing hand on his back and whispering calming and reassuring words in his ear, his tears in your shirt slowly turn red, and when you pull away to dry his tears you gasp as you see the intricate pattern on his bleeding red eyes.

THAT’S when you two become even more close. Shisui was always caring and protective of you, but now as you two have grown up he gets even worse, always having a hand on you, arm around your shoulder as he teases you, giving you a little wink before flicking off existence. god, when he finally perfects the body flicker he becomes a menace, appearing out of nowhere inches away from your face, blowing out a puff of air into the back of your neck as you almost rips him in half thinking it was a enemy ninja, cheeks burning red. Though it’s undeniable how your heart beats quicker and smile warms up as he leaves, he’s always there to cheer you up and support you, he’s loyal okay? you have been there for him and now he’s going to follow you for the rest of your life, you feel like safety to him, a light in the dark, he trusts you with his life. he would never EVER left you behind (only if you asked him to, but duh why would you dummy), especially on missions, he will bring you back alive even if he has to sacrifice himself for it.

i know it’s obvious but PHYSICAL TOUCH!!!! it’s his way of communicating affection alright? hugging, ruffling your hair after training, THE UCHIHA POKE, you name it, he especially likes to put a arm around your shoulders and lean close to you, teasing you about whatsoever, whispering in your ear about the random guy on your right hitting on the lady next to him, chuckling and laughing to yourselves, you don’t even notice when he has a hand around you anymore because it just feels natural at this point, it gives him a excuse to be so close to you. Also looves to spend time with you, it’s kind of hard since the both are you are busy with missions but he would always use shunshin to see you, especially during breaks on the uchiha military police forces, asking you to have lunch with him, his treat! he’s a gentleman okay? Sometimes he would appear and gently put a kanzashi 簪 (hair ornaments used in traditional Japanese hairstyles) in your hair, saying it reminded him of the color of your eyes, he would always do that, giving you thoughtful gifts he would find along his missions, smiling at you as he says “i knew it would suit you” it means you look pretty in it.

His touch starts to linger more than necessary, appearing out of nowhere always with a warm hand on you. God he always runs so hot? maybe it’s because he’s a uchiha but his body temperature is high. Shuffling closer to him when you both go on a mission in the middle of winter, a teasing smile on his face as he asks “what was that?” a eyebrow raised in amusement, though he quickly chuckles and opens his arms, hugging you close, making jokes so you don’t feel awkward. He’s just so gentle and soft with you, stroking your hair as you both fall asleep. Always blushing if you reciprocate his barely hidden affections. He’s shy on these matters okay? i imagine him being just like minato but with the determination and sense of humor of naruto. so he can be all serious and in mission mode but if you pass him by and gives him a smile he’s all smiley and red cheeks, sheepishly expression on his face with a hand scratching the back of his head, snsksuzysowb cute. Sometimes he would look at Itachi and Sasuke interacting, imagining how it would be like if one day he ends up building a family with you, it’s one of his favorite daydreams jakajansja definitely a family guy. Yearning for the feeling of coming back home after a long mission and sink into your arms, sighing as he feels how soft, warm and alive you feel, he would do anything to keep you that way, even if he’s not the one you love, being able to be by your side is enough, at least that’s what he tells himself.

It would take a while for a confession tbh, he doesn’t want to lose you or ruin the friendship you both have, would probably talk about it with Itachi, sighing and telling him for the hundredth time if he should tell you or not. itachi’s already tired from this bullshit, staring at his cousin with a deadpan expression “i do believe it would be for the best if you finally told her how you feel” he would repeat, for the millionth time.

I doubt he would like or even look at somebody else in the same way he looks at you, he’s a uchiha and they feel deep, so when he falls, he falls hard, he’s a racional, loyal and busy guy, he wouldn’t even have time for romance outside of his barely there free time that he spends with you >:) so i really don’t think he’s the type to get with someone just because of their appearance or frivolous things like that, he needs the connection, heart, love and trust, so it takes time.

HE’S A JELLY GUY, not overly so, and would never seriously harm someone because of it, BUT HE IS he may not look like it, but if he sees a guy getting too close to comfort with you he’ll pop out of nowhere between you and the man, hugging you from the back and talking with the both of you, hands stroking your sides gently, or just pulling his arm around your shoulders, acting all friendly. You probably don’t even notice he’s actually jealous because he’s too smooth about it (and because you are trying to hide your blush from him).

By the way, you and itachi are friends! he’s a cute kiddo that follows shisui around, and he also has a little shadow following him (lil sasuke) it’s the cutest thing to see Shisui waving at you with a big grin on his face, eyes crinkling with happiness, a little shadow behind him, and a even more tiny figure following behind just like little ducks following their mother lolol.

Eventually shisui would have the guts to finally tell you how he feels, but only after a long while, probably when the whole uchiha fiasco ends (AND IT ENDS WITH EVERYBODY ALIVE) he would be so relieved and happy that his family and the village now are all safe and in peace that he would decide to finally take a step forward and be honest with you, he’d plan everything too, choosing your favorite place and all kinds of things that make you smile awww it would be perfect. You would blush, having at least a suspicion with the way he acts around you, not being able to contain your smile, putting your hands on his cheeks, gently caressing them, his ridiculously long eyelashes brushing against your thumbs as his eyes flutter at your touch, his own cheeks red. When you say “i love you” back, he would be so happy and excited he wouldn’t stop grinning, cheeks almost hurting from how happy he felt, taking you by the waist and spinning you around, the both of you laughing as he does so, just like when you were children, it feels like being home. Time seems to stop as you two gaze at each other, him staring at you with the softest eyes, carefully putting you down on the ground, running his fingers through your hair and saying one more time, “i love you” before his hand travels to your jaw, caressing and tracing the skin there, slowly inching his face closer until you feel his warm breath on your face, brushing his lips lightly against yours, leaving you breathless, fluttering your eyes close, he presses his lips harder against yours as you don’t pull away, sighing and pulling you impossibly close, one hand on your waist softly stroking your skin, the other on the back of your neck, playing with your hair as he finally gets to taste the lips of the girl he longed for all those years.

notes: oh wow that took much longer than i thought it would? what the hell i started to write this at night and now it’s MORNING ughhh i hope you guys like it, we need to keep the shisui simps people alive! happy new years for all of you!

reviews, likes and reblogs are much appreciated! thank you very much!

[zephyrspace]

even if you have a rosary, who will save you now?

gn!yuu, very short headcanons + scenarios

summary: yuu accepts that there is no way home and that the world will keep turning no matter what. with no worth to their name and no real purpose in this twisted wonderland, except for solving other people’ problems, they decide to stop caring.

cw: swearing, violence, blood. dm me if i’ve missed anything!

a/n: title is translated lyrics from the song US by ruby ibarra. imagine yuu as however and whoever you want!

“woe is me, prefect! i just have so much paperwork to do that i completely forgot about your weekly food allowance. however, to speed things up a bit, if you lend me a hand here, i could probably get the allowance before the end of next week!”

yuu slinks over to one of crowley’s stacks of paperwork and ruffles through it. not without noticing how some pages were completely blank, ‘probably to bulk up and exaggerate the stack,’ yuu thinks and their eye twitches.

crowley gulps at being caught. but neither of the two say anything about it.

“i’m sure at your grown age you’re supposed to be able to manage your time better than this, but of course i didn’t expect anything from you.” yuu throws the binded document carelessly over their shoulder and onto the floor.

“wha-”

“as a minor under your care, this kind of thing could be considered child labour and abuse. especially for not prioritising my allowance.”

“but, prefect-”

“in other words, this isn’t my problem, bird shit for brains. so, unless you want me to call whatever magical bullshit equivalent you have of child protective services you have in this world, go ahead, give me your work documents. i would be ever so happy to oblige.”

the prefect’s eyes were icy and the atmosphere in the office turned chilly. crowley attempts to smarten up and clears his throat.

“i will have the cheque ready before noon.”

looking down at crowley, yuu sends him a smile with no trace of warmth.

“that’s better.”

unhinged!yuu wouldn’t actively seek out to fight people unless students do it to them first, which is all the time. kind of like ‘i’m nice to you if you are to me. but the second i deem you an enemy, you’re done’ mindset.

those who knew and were ‘friends’ with yuu, didn’t believe in their newly acquired attitude at the beginning, but after a group decided it’d be funny to poke at yuu a bit during lunch, that’s when they realise that yuu was serious about not caring for anything at all.

“oi, magicless runt.”

taking a bite from their sandwich, yuu looks up at the senior holding a tray of food, “hm?”

“get up.” the senior’s friends behind him snicker.

“why?” they take another bite. ‘i wish adeuce and grim would hurry up with their food.’ yuu thinks.

“there’s no more seats.”

“mhm?”

“as your seniors, we get priority.” the senior’s smile widens.

“hm.” another bite. “ish that shou”

with crumbs and sauce at the corners of their lips, yuu wipes it off with their thumb and licks it. they gulp down the remainder of the sandwich.

“sorry, senior. but i don’t see that rule anywhere in the canteen.” they swipe off the leftover crumbs on their hands.

“i thought you’d might say that.”

the senior picks up a bowl from his tray and dumps soup onto yuu’s head.

it’s still boiling hot.

it hurts.

“scram, first year. before i do something worse-”

the senior is on the floor, on his knees and doesn’t realise blood is seeping from his nose until it drips onto the tile.

by now, the whole canteen is silent.

he doesn’t even get time to process what happened until he feels a shin connect with his side and launches him onto another nearby table, his legs dangling off the side, uniform ruined.

“why you-” one of his goonies attempt to throw a punch back at the prefect.

yuu grabs his wrist and used the momentum to throw the senior onto his back. he chokes on the impact.

the rest of the group stays at their spots. ‘smart choice,’ yuu scoffs.

the prefect walks over to the first senior lying against the now abandoned table and grabs whatever food was on the nearest plate and forcibly stuffs it into the senior’s mouth. a whole bread roll.

“oh, senior! i see you’ve found a table to sit at!” the senior had tears along his waterline from the gag reflex of having a whole roll of bread in his mouth.

yuu shoves the bread roll further down the seniors throat. twisting and turning it. the senior makes sounds of retching and pain. “although, preferably, it’d be better to sit on the seat rather than on the table, no?”

the senior could only nod at yuu’s words.

yuu pats his hair demeaningly.

“good boy.”

in essence, yuu becomes very assimilated to nrc. scarily so.

[dextixer]

There is no point in discussing Ironwood/Atlas in the fandom. (2)

Some people might recognize this title from a thread a did over 2 months ago where i argued the reasons as to why there is no point in discussing Ironwood or Atlas in the RWBY FNDM, mostly because the people in the RWBY fandom are either lying about these two topics or have watched a different show. (LINK HERE)

What i decided is to make this into a "series" of threads over time, taking some stupid takes about Ironwood and just continuously debunking whatever bullshit i manage to oversee. This might get a bit repetitive for some, and i apologize for that, but as long as shit takes continue to be spewed i would like to at least push-back against some of them, at least for myself.

For those who want to see a different or a more in-depth topic, i will be making a thread next week about Prosthetics and Disabilities in RWBY, especially as to how they pertain to characters like Ironwood.

Anyways, onto the debunking part.

The good old "He brought robot soldiers to Vale" but this time with an extra punch of bringing Penny into the discussion.

So, as far as Ironwood bringing his soldiers into Vale, he brings them not as a show of power over Vale but rather to discourage the WF and Salems goons from interfering with the Vytal festival, he does partially use it as a PR stunt, introducing both the Paladins and the new generation of mechanized soldiers, but that is done to show off power against Grimm.

As far as the Penny part. The person whose opinion we are right now reading completely forgot that NOONE knew that Penny was a robot and NOONE was supposed to know she was. How the hell did that person forget such a detail is beyond me.

Penny was never used in the show to portray the replacability of people by anyone.Ironwood does not want to make Hunters "obsolete", what he wants is to make them not die against Grimm. Because Grimm are a never-ending threat on Remnant.

What Ironwood wants, and is set-up to want since the start is to protect human lives by instead using disposable robots.

The reason why his army had flaws is because of someone noone knew was alive at the time hacking the systems.And on the topic of Penny.

I never knew that a fan of RWBY would ever have a take where they imply that Penny having a mind of her own is a problem because that means that she isnt completely loyal to Ironwood but... Uh.... Yeah

Its quite funny how the part of the FNDM that loves to say that Ironwood loves absolute loyalty and thats why he wants a fully robotic force, for then a person from that part of the FNDM to then say that Penny having independant thought is bad.

Man, dont you just love when people just make shit up as they go? Ironwood has never used child soldiers.

Even the people we see in V8 are not "children". The students in the combat academies are of age of majority with Ruby being the exception due to being moved up to Beacon despite her age by Ozpin.

The students were also only mobilized when the literal queen of Darkness SALEM was RIGHT THERE at the doorstep of the city, you know, all hands on deck situation?

This entire diatribe is a full on headcanon nonsense paired with complete decontextualization of a scene from the show.

Once again, making shit up as they go. What compliance? With what? Where? This point does not even make logical sense. How is Ironwood to blame for the WF?

-----

Let this part of the thread to be an additional proof as to why it is useless to discuss Ironwood/Atlas with fans. In this very thread i showed someone taking canon out of their arse, decontextualizing scenes so that they would completely lose their meaning, and outright lying about the show.

What exactly is the point in engaging with these people? There is none. The best we can do is debunk their bullshit to anyone sane enough to listen.

Regardless, apologies if this is considered lower quality than most of my other work, i just want to have some smaller threads like this to debunk some complete and utter idiots.

Next week, more high quality work about disabilities and prosthetics in RWBY and their portrayal.

[tequiilasunriise]

"Blake, are your parents dating my mom?"

"...Meow."

@min3nc's post about Snowleopard ripped open the Pandora Box that is some of my headcanons about this throuple (and the subsequent Bellaschneeblings interactions in my post here) so sit tight y'all this list is gonna be long because I absolutely adore this healthy bi4bi4bi poly pilf couple that foils whatever the fuck Divorce Mcgees Summer, Raven, n Tai had going on (don't get me wrong, I adore str-crossed lovers, especially whatever the fuck Rosebird had, but cmon you could power a small nation off of their Divorce Energy alone)

-They have zero in-canon interactions but the thought of Willow slowly healing and learning to love again from two characters shown to be incredibly sweet and patient and understanding and oh so gentle and tender and earnest? Guys this alone should sell you on the ship like!! LIKE!!!

-WILLOW HEALING FROM HER ABUSIVE MARRIAGE TRAUMA WITH THE HEALTHIEST COUPLE!! GHIRA AND KALI TAG TEAMING TO VALIDATE AND SMOTHER THE SHIT OUTTA THIS ENDEARING MILF WITH SO MUCH LOVE AND SUPPORT!!!

-Takes a deep breath. Wowie. Do y'all get it though do y'all understand the vision?

-I need me vulnerable Willow asking the Pilfadonnas fer parenting advice and the pair to be more than happy to help their girlfriend just so eager to help!! They're so reassuring and tender with her, making sure she doesn't feel like a terrible shit fer asking fer help about this like, "Oh, oh sweetheart. You've been through so much, and it's a good thing you're fighting fer your second chance to be the mother your children need and deserve. It's alright, darling, we're right here with you."

-Furthermore, Willow would feel so much guilt eating at her for her ex-husband's crimes against the Faunus as a whole and the Pilfadonnas, the leaders of the Faunus themselves, would help talk through her guilt and affirm that Willow is not to blame fer bullshit Jacques pulled and help her with the process of finding a good therapist like like like!!! There's so much shit here guys!!!

-"It was by marrying me that Jacques gained access to the resources tied to the Schnee name and carved out the world. I didn't do anything to stand up to him and stop him from ruining my family's name, and so by doing nothing I'm a part of his sins."

"....Babygirl we love you so much but there's SO MUCH wrong to unpack here."

-Also Willow deserves to be bisexually panicked by two hot cat people bc I said so she just deserves okay trust trust trust

-Anyways, the Schneeblings are mad sus of the Pilfadonnas at first because they ALLLLL know what kinda abusive bullcrap their mom went through in her dead marriage with Jackass Schnee but all eventually coming around to really love Ghira's and Kali's seemingly endless unconditional love (Weiss was the quickest to adapt, then Winter, and finally little Whitley)

-The Pilfadonnas are so sweet and loving to their new kids and see 'em as their own straight up but don't pressure any typa connection and respect the Schneeblings so much like, "I would prefer just Kali, but if calling me Ms. Belladonna makes you more comfortable then go right ahead sweetheart" LIKE THEYRE JUST THE BEST STEPARENTS EVER SO MUCH VALIDATION AND PATIENCE AND SWEETNESS!!!

-"Chieftain Ghira, sir, it's good to see you."

"Winter, while I won't stop you from calling me by that title if that's what makes you the most comfortable, you don't have to be so strict with yourself. There's no need to address me like you're a military subordinate, sweetheart."

"...I would die for you, sir."

"Oh! Um! I'm very grateful for that, but, uh, let's also not huh? Wouldn't want you dying anytime soon ahahahaaa."

"You're right, sir, the Maiden powers should not be so carelessly tossed around."

".....Alright so we're going to go find you a good therapist and start working on your sense of personhood-"

-The Pilfadonnas introduce the concept of therapy and healthier coping mechanisms to all of the Schnees REALNESS

-"But OP wouldn't Weiss already have learned that from her super supportive friends?" Weiss' found family is incredible but healthy coping mechanisms are NOT part of that package deal holy shit hypertraumatized child soldiers left and righttt baby

-Anyways, one time Whitley slipped and accidentally called Ghira "Hey dad-" and everyone FROZE before Whitley rushed his question and then ran the f u c k off as Ghira started wiping tears with Kali holding him close and Willow being so emotional at the her son finally has a solid, good father figure in his life oMG HES STARTING TO ACCEPT THE PILFADONNAS!!!

-Eventually, the Schneeblings graduate to calling the Pilfadonnas just Kali and Ghira (and Blake calling Willow by her first name was already established back when she was crashing Schnee Manor in V8 so we chilling) but Whitley, oh my heart, sometimes slips with a 'mama' or 'dad' to his stepparents and down the line he even stops getting embarrassed over it and GOSH does it melt the Pilfadonnas' hearts everytime he calls 'em that it doesn't matter if it's the tenth or the hundredth time they're sosossooo soft

-One time Weiss was practicing her fencing stances and didn't realize the Pilfadonnas were watching her, and then when they started to praise how amazing her swordsmanship is? Babygirl actually starts to cry a little because it was always, "You need to be faster, Schnees aren't supposed to be so slow" and "What would your grandfather say if he saw such sloppy forms? Again!" and never, "Oh, Weiss, honey, you were wonderful out there! You must have trained very hard to be so good!"

-If you give any of the Schneeblings a fucken shred of unconditional praise they will crumple faster than a stale cookie. On a daily basis, Weiss jokes and asks Blake how the FUCK did she not end up more well-adjusted (she knows about the bullshit with Adam but Weiss also knows that Blake is aware she's just messing around)

-So we've established some headcanons of the Schneelings interacting with the Pilfadonnas, but hear me out awkward as fuck Blake and Willow interactions bc Willow has NO IDEA how to interact with her daughter's teammate turned stepdaughter???

-Because, you know, "Oh uh hey my ex-husband exploited and abused the shit out the Faunus for years on end and you were one of the people heavily affected to the point where you, as a literal child, turned to a life of vigilante terrorist justice as a form of fighting back for your own basic rights"

-Blake, like her parents, completely understand that Willow had nothing to with Jackass' cruelty and instead gives her new stepmom an easy smile and starts talking small talk about Weiss' adventures with Team RWBY and!! Yeah!! Willow genuinely wants to know what's been going on in her daughter's life since she was so absent from it during her alcoholic days

-The pair bond over a shared loved of Weiss, and at one point Willow says, "If it isn't overstepping, can I just say I am truly fortunate that Weiss has someone like you in her life to support her" and Blake chuckles softly and replies, "It wasn't easy at first, but yeah, I'm glad she's in my life too" AND ARGAGRGRHRH THE BONDINGGGG

-Speaking of bonding, imagine the Pilfadonnas vibing with Klein and bonding over tea together, and seeing their adoptive dad figure Klein vibe with their new steparents may or may not have sped up Whitley and Winter warming up to the Pilfadonnas justttt a litttttlleee

-When Kali and Ghira see their stepkids flinch at loud voices or innocently raised hands, when they notice the low self-esteem Winter still carries or Whitley's facade of maturity so that adult figures actually acknowledge him, in front of the kids they're very respectful and apologetic of accidental triggers without being patronizing, but when they're alone? Straight fucking murder in their eyes. The Pilfadonnas are fucken e n r a g e d they're fucken seething because how dare Jackass Schnee hurt these sweet kids so fucking much

-They make sure neither the Schneeblings nor Willow are around when they let out their furious vents to each other absolutely slandering Jackass' name with clenched fists and bared fangs because they don't want their anger to trigger anyone but yeahhhh. Yeah, if Jacques is still out there we're adding two bisexual cat pilfs to the waiting list fer ripping his head off

-ANYWAYS, on a lighter note, can y'all imagine the Belladonnas are vibing and purring together all comfy and shit and the Schnees see them and are like, "Shit man they're so HEALTHY and FUNCTIONAL what the HECK??"

-Blake groaning, "Dadddddd!!" when her dad pulls up with family albums to talk about his precious daughter's childhood and, "Not you too mom!!!" when Kali excitedly joins in. As Blake is play wrestling with her parents to get the photobooks away, the Schnees are just witnessing this in various levels of amused but also kinda like, "Damn wow is this what a healthy family's supposed to look like dannggg that's crazzzzzyyyyyyyy"

-Vacations to Menagerie where the Belladonnas playfully make fun of their sunburnt as all hell white family members, and even though some Faunus are wary of the visiting Schnees, others are more open to giving these guys a chance and hey!! Turns out the SDC is actually going to be a good company after the shit Jacques Schnee pulled. Imagine the healing between Faunus relations and the Schnee family name when Willow and her kids pull up to help wherever and however they can

-I'm just saying family dinners would be so healthy and healing fer Willow and her kids after years filled with so many isolated, lonely, suffocating as hell dinners when Jacques still walked these halls. Instead of stiff etiquette and barbed questions throw their way by a spiteful bitchass with a clip-on tie, there's warm laughter and jovial banter thrown about; genuine inquires about their day/interests that lead to invested conversation and freely given praise; large, beaming smiles from three dark color-schemed people who radiantly glow like the sun. It's like the Belladonnas breathed back life into the hollowed out Schnees who barely survived all the different ways jackass had hurt them, and that's just so fucken lovely to think about

[joltai-showa]

fic notes, "Dealing with the Devil" edition

okay, so, as promised, here's a "fun things you might have missed" Joltai Showa edition, and today we'll be talking about "Dealing with the Devil" because I think this one in particular doesn't extrapolate on a lot of things as the original ending got kind of cut + there's like twenty million sprikles of headcanons regarding this AU that (possibly?) might not make sense to the reader

- the name of the fic: if it wasn't obvious, it's a pun on "dealing with someone" and "making a deal with the devil" (with Madara being this canonically eerie and menacing figure in the story this is pretty much what happens in the fic). generally I make the titles for my fics (and chapters wink wink BSSM) either as I am finishing the work or literally as I am staring down at ao3's posting form lmao. I'd say the only ones that don't follow this pattern would be the title of "From Queen to a Pawn" (I was sitting in a coffee shop seething from everything about my thesis and then I had the sudden inspiration for the title) and its chapter 3 (I was planning on naming that one "Hell" as far as when I was writing chapter 4 of LTFG)

- the cut ending: originally I intended for the fic to actually end events that happen after "Deidara's deal", however I was already like 2 weeks past the deadline, this bad boy already had like 15k words in it + I was kind of getting sick of it tbh, so in the end I decided on finishing it somewhere around the peak of absurdity which would be the deal. if you're curious what I originally had in mind, here it is: there was actually another reason for Madara's neighbors to move away and that's grandpa watching pretty spicy yaoi tapes at full volume before sleep (he's getting closer to 80, so he forgets how to turn on the headphones + he doesn't really care for anyone's comfort other than his own cuz he's a bitch like that). after making the deal grandpa is much more friendly to his grandson and his fiance, so they have a pretty chill dinner with the Zetsus and then they stay the night in the guest room (Obito does feel bad for not coming back for years, so pretty quickly agrees after grandpa offers). they do unfortunately discover that bad habit of Madara's. Obito is traumatized, Deidara almost dies after choking on air from laughing too much. as I've said like 3 times before, this fic is just a glorified shitpost lmao

- the Uchiha family tree: the fact that the single most broken, beloved by Kishimoto and literally the center of all bullshit happening in the world clan has NO FUCKING PROPER structure is so mindblowing to me. it was kind of annoying back when I first read the manga, but after spending almost 5 years in Jojo fandom (where we have 6 parts about the story of one gigantic disfunctional family spanning literally 150 years and where we KNOW how every single one of them is related to each other) it feels outright insulting and kinda drives me mad. like, okay, thanks for telling me that Sasuke and Itachi are brothers, their parents are Fugaku and Mikoto, but what the fuck about the others? Who the fuck is Shisui? At what point of the bloodline Madara had kids before fucking off into the sunset to find a big orange puppy to run Konoha over with? Did Izuna get any bitches before Tobirama sent him back to the Uchiha ancestors? Is Obito some sort of fucking tulpa from Kakashi's mind? Not a single goddamn person from his own clan ever acknowledges his existence in the story except from the ressurected guy who stole him after Kannabi and gave him the task of playing himself for the following sixteen years, at this point I'll believe in anything, because Kishimoto somehow manages to fuck up even his own favorite clan's writing in favor of yanking it for the Sharingan for another 100 pages

- ahem, rant over. anyway, for this fic I kind of crammed the bloodline to a reasonable size, with Madara being the starting point, him being the father to Fugaku and Obito's father, Obito being his eldest grandchild and Sasuke and Itachi being sons to Fugaku as they are in canon. if you're reading my BSSM AU, nope, this is not the structure of the Uchiha family that I have in mind

- it was never properly mentioned in the fic, but Madara's and "grandma"s marriage was arranged. grandma passed away a long time ago, so much so that out of grandkids only Obito actually remembers her. in any case, Madara never really cared for her, his focus was more on his political career and his one true rival

- Deidara's family structure: now if you are reading my BSSM AU, congrats, because this fic has pretty much the same family structure that I imagine for Akatsuki Girldara, meaning her own parents passed away a long time ago and she was taken in by Kurotsuchi's parents, so they were raised together. Here both of them see each other as sisters, which is... well... a bit different from what is going on in BSSM AU. in any case, Onoki remains the annoying bitch in her life in any universe, but here he's just her kind of grandfather

- did I mention how absolutely hilarious to me Madara being so obviously evil in those flashbacks of Obito's? both of them are pretty funny in retrospect, with one of them straight up telling Obito that "😈oh😈don't😈worry😈you'll😈be😈back😈to😈repay😈for😈my😈kindness😈soon😈enough😈" and Obito just going "yeah, yeah, grandpa, whatever". also, Obito, darling, why the fuck are you talking about the most important people in your life to THESE ABSOLUTE FUCKING STRANGERS??? HAS NO ONE TOLD YOU THE PHRASE "STRANGER DANGER"??? ALSO DID YOU NEVER OPEN A HISTORY BOOK IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE??? YOU MEET THE GHOST OF UCHIHA AND DON'T REMEMBER THAT TINY LITTLE DETAIL ABOUT HOW MADARA TRIED TO DESTROY THE VILLAGE YOU LOVE SEVERAL TIMES AND IS AS MUCH OF THE ENEMY TO KONOHA AS THOSE GUYS THAT CRASHED THOSE BOULDERS ON TOP OF YOU. I swear to god kid Obito is the type of person to get asked by Zetsus "So where does Rin live? What days does she work at the hospital? Can you tell us where she likes to hang out alone? How often do your sensei and Bakakashi leave the village? Is Rin good in hand-to-hand combat?" and answer them all honestly, without ever suspecting anything. Seriously, Madara and Zetsu could be doing "We are Number One" song from the Lazytown and Obito would be clapping along, thinking about how talanted everyone here is.

- the Deidara heel thing: because this is a normal modern day AU where neither of them have to fight for their lives, Deidara does and loves typically girl things, like dresses, heels, etc etc which would be completely inconveniet for a shinobi. and she's pretty, so she slays in both of these things. and another funny story but after I posting this fic I ordered some new boots for autumn and, well, at the time when looking at the photos I didn't think that the heels were that high. only when I got the boots I realized that 8.5 cm is, in fact, a fucking lot. so now I guess now I am cosplaying as Deidara from this fic

- Obito still has the scars in this AU. presumably from some similar circumstances from "To End with a Bang", but I'll write more about it when I'll be talking about it. I guess this one is more about his relationship with the family that, at the end of the day, supported him through it

- the circumstances of Obito and Deidara meeting and deciding to marry in this AU: it's kind of sprinkled throught the fic, but anyway, here's what I had in mind: they still have the same age gap as they do in canon, Deidara was a university student doing an art degree, Obito was sent by Hokage to serve as Konoha's high comissioner (the dictionary says that it's supposed to be a synonim to "ambassador" and that sounds cooler, so I used it). Obito went to some official event organized by Tsuchikage (which Deidara, unfortunately, had to attend) and proceeded to try to mingle with the local important guys in expensive suits, but in the process ended up saying something so stupid about Iwagakure's art that Deidara couldn't hold herself back and went off to pretty much tell Obito off for his idiocy. in the end they ended up agreeing on meeting on the weekdays in Iwa's various museums where she can fix this dumbass's ideas regarding art in Land of Earth. and, well, after a while they kind of started crushing on each other. Obito assumed that to be one-sided and Deidara liking playing her role of cultural senpai, so he was trying to hide it, while Deidara wanted to bash his head against the wall because he was taking so long. in the end they were sitting in their favorite cafe in one of the museums, Obito was eating his chocolate cake, Deidara was drinking her coffee, finally Deidara's patience ran out and she grabbed him and kissed him there and then. Obito kind of realized that what they had was, in fact, mutual, so they started secretly dating, until the time came for him to return to Konoha, and at this point both of them didn't want to fall apart, so a few days later Obito proposed. Deidara's family at the time had no idea about any of this (I guess Kurotsuchi might have been suspecting something about her sis having a boyfriend, but not who exactly the guy is), so... yeah... a big shitstorm ensued, because not only all of the sudden Deidara had a boyfriend, said boyfriend was now her fiance, a lot older than her and both of them were planning on leaving the country as soon as possible. in the end things did get figured out, so the two of them leaving for Konoha was pretty uneventful

- Deidara continues to have insane beef with all Uchihas imaginable. I mean, it's kind of insane in retrospect that this one random guy managed to throw hands with all remaining Uchihas in his short 19 year old lifespan, especially considering he isn't the main character and officially there's only two Uchihas remain, but somehow Deidara had managed to blow up the third secret one a few times. he's got some sort of Uchiha curse of his own that needs to be studied. anyway, her relationship with Obito started off with her arguing with him, her beef with Madara is literally the plot of this fic, Sasuke was acting like a little spoiled shit and pissed her off during that one meeting she had with Fugaku's family, Itachi was pretty cordial with her, but she took it as him thinking he's better than her, Mikoto is something of a similar case, but she got hate for worrying about things between Obito and his unexpected fiance because really half of the time her nephew has no idea what he is doing, and Fugaku pisses her off for being overly controlling just like Onoki was

- similarly to canon, Onoki and Madara actually met in here, but as representatives of different countries, not whatever the fuck they were at the time of that flashback that couldn't have happened if Kishimoto actually kept track of the dates he had in the manga

- currently Deidara and Obito are living at Obito's old place in Konoha. because it wasn't really suited for two people + Obito didn't want Deidara to worry about having to work after moving like that because he earns more than enough + this is her first time in Konoha, so he wants her to have fun and find things that she loves about her pretty much new home, so in the end they agreed that Obito works, while Deidara explores Konoha, redesigns their apartment and figures out the little details of the wedding. on weekends they do this together. or sometimes just laze about if the work was too much for Obito and he's pretty much falling back asleep as soon as he opens his eyes in the morning.

- Deidara knows how to make a lot of things with her own hands, so she's decided that most of the really important things for the wedding she'll make herself, in particular their kimonos. Obito was absolutely elated

- I couldn't be bothered to look up on what hand people in Japan wear the wedding/engagement rings or if they wear it at all, so in the end I just imagined the two of them wearing them on the same hand that they wear their Akatsuki rings - right for Deidara, left for Obito

- Uchiha family here doesn't really have an insignia like Uchiha clan in canon does, but grandpa Madara has watched far too many historical dramas and made one for his family. a lot of stuff in his house has it, and whenever he wants to gift something to his family, it always his that fan on it. the remaining Uchiha family is pretty sick of it

- for similar reasons he has his own mini-trebuchet that Obito helped him to order off Kakuzon under the promise he'll never use it against anyone. even before Obito left for Iwa grandpa already broke the promise a few times. probably with Fugaku being the unfortunate victim of it. at least he didn't use his Hashirama bodypillow at the time. he's figured how to buy it on his own a few years after Obito left

- and yes it's Kakuzon. because Kakuzu would absolutely love the horrors of modern day capitalism

- while Deidara in here is still as stubborn as they go, because this is a much more peaceful AU, she is much more okay with showing her desire to rely on Obito, like, for example, hiding behind him when she's feeling skittish

- old man Madara lives by "gaslight gatekeep grandpaboss" when it comes to Obito. a lot of things regarding his attitude here comes from my own experience with my older relatives + my knowledge on how old people act in Asian cultures, so that's why he's so over the top authoritarian and dramatically shuts the door whenever something doesn't go his way. and of course blaming everyone for being against him and not caring for him at all

- I'm sorry everyone but I do not agree that long-haired Obito was in any capacity hot. for me of all Uchihas the only one capable of pulling off the long-haired look is Madara and that's just barely. the rest of them just end up looking homeless, depressed and unwashed. i look at kid Obito with long hair and can just smell how dirty and full of lice they are

- of all the things in this fic that I reference from canon, the cane being a scythe is absolutely canon. i wish I was kidding you. but no, old man Madara indeed pulls up to recently awakened Obito with a fucking scythe as a walking cane.

i am not even sure who's the goofier mf between these two. shinobi world must be feeling ashamed that these goobers almost won

- "The old man may look feeble, but Deidara immediately knows that this guy is evil enough to live on a secluded bog like some sort of bitchy hag that steals young naive girls and offers to resurrect their dead husbands as zombies in exchange for their yet to be born babies." - that's the BG3 reference, in particular to Auntie Ethel's quest in Act 1. I was doing that part of the game with my friends as I was writing this fic, so I was feeling silly and inspired. Besides, lowkey Auntie Ethel and Madara would absolutely be besties. Living in some dank cave for years? Check. Offer some kids a deal with the devil and force them to wear a mask, causing them to end up insane? Check. Appearing youthul and handsome when meeting the protagonist when in reality they are an old creepy bitch? Check. Vicious mockery? *remembers Obito translating Madara's oldmanese to normal language for Naruto* Check.

- here Uchihas frequently end up with bloodshot eyes whenever they get pissed and glare at someone. yep, that's the Sharingan reference

- did I mention "gaslight gatekeep grandpaboss" already? yeah, Onoki loves to do that too, so Deidara is immune to that. Obito has a soft heart, so he isn't

- Leafone is a reference to a certain apples related brand, because it's funny to imagine old man Madara with a smartphone

- I forgot to mention but in all my AU whether they are posted or not Obito ends up calling Deidara "love" given that their relationship progresses to this phase, that's the nickname he's dreamed of giving to his one and only loved one

- some gaming lingo thrown here and there, but yes, Obito and Deidara love playing videogames together. one of the things that they do on the lazy weekends

- I did mention that Deidara was adopted by Kurotsuchi's family, but she doesn't see anyone except for her as her relatives really

- canonically Deidara flies 24/7, so it made sense to give her a pilot license lmao

- even if I write Madara as this iredeemabble evil, he did actually miss Obito a lot and expected him to properly return like a good grandchild he is, but then all of the sudden all of his plans are ruined because apparently Obito decided that he wants to marry someone🙄🙄🙄🙄

- on that note grandpa is also pretty sexist and racist lol. that's why he only talks with Obito and opts for ignoring Deidara outright. I do imagine that people from different countries in Naruto world have different accents, so grandpa pokes at that too

- because Obito was gone for years, Madara's yaoi collection has exponentialy expanded. he reads/watches it with something like "it could have been us Hashi fr😭😭😭😭". he also doesn't really like Fugaku's family, so he ended up alone with just his collection and his army. you can see why he's getting more and more insane in his family's eyes

- "good thing to know that the old guy wasn't connected to yakuza or something like that. After having to grow up in Onoki's vicinity, she wouldn't disregard such a possibility easily." - similarly to how canon Onoki uses Akatsuki, a terrosist organization, for his goals, here Onoki might have also dabbled in questionable solutions to his issues

- a lot of old people I know end up picking up gardening as their hobby. Madara is no exception to that lmao, so the Zetsu army transforms into a large cacti collection. I have no clue about how cacti multiply, so let's all assume that Black Zetsu is the oldest cacti of them all. He's also dead and really belongs in the trash, but Madara for some reason keeps him around. Guruguru is a straight up different plant (I google a twirly plant and that's pretty much the first thing that came up), it's a gift from Obito who also thought it's a cactus (it's not).

- on that note Madara doesn't bother with naming them really.

- lowkey Deidara is scared that Obito would have to inherit the Zetsu army eventually

- "Are you trying to inform me that you've still got two eyes after you stunt in Iwagakure? Color me surprised." - while techically Kannabi bridge wasn't Land of Earth per say, we certainly all remember a certain stunt that left Obito without an eye after getting to spend some time with some guys from Iwa

- Madara for years had a hatelove thing for Hashirama. unfortunately for him Hashirama was as dense as Obito sometimes is, so he never properly picked up on that, pretty happy with his wife Mito (who Madara treats as his enemy number 1)

- "a bony finger is thrust right into Obito's face, Deidara almost jumps to try and protect him from losing his left eye" - the very same one that Obito canonically loses

- "This feels like those ridiculous M rated comics Kurotsuchi loved to buy, something with the name "A Ninja Warlord Dies And Reincarnates In Our World Before Falling In Love With Another Average Guy" or something." - it was at this point that I decided that Kurotsuchi being a fujoshi and Deidara being an artist for such content would be the single funniest dynamic imaginable. let girls have hobbies. also yes a reference to canon Madara.

- "grandpa would spend all the time just complaining about how everything Senju-san ever did was wrong, go to a lot of his lectures, even crash Senju-san's granddaughter's wedding." - yep, that's Tsunade and Dan. at least in some universe they get to be together, even if an old wild man ends up crashing on their special day

- "Obito looks like he has just witnessed his crush getting murdered by his best friend." - you know exactly what moment this refers to.

- "Cacti certainly don't appreciate their master's grandson's dramatic outburst." - BSSM AU Zetsus do anger management classes just to deal with Obito's bullshit lmao

- "Just this year she gifted me an album with all of my different expressions, and somehow on every single one of them she's made me look five times as handsome as I am in real life!" - this is actually a reference to one of my most favorite fics for Obidei, but I'll talk about it on another day. in that fic Deidara used to hide his hobby of drawing, believing that Obito wouldn't support it and would forbid him from doing it. in the end, Obito ends up seeing the album with Deidara's drawings, including a very silly one with Obito being angry, all of which Obito absolutely loves

- by the end of the fic Madara actually refers to Deidara by her name for the first time. hooray. yaoi bonding

and that's it for "Dealing with the Devil"!

while I was writing my submissions for obidei week I stumbled upon this meme and almost fucking died, because it's literally just old man Madara from this fic

[punks-never-die205]

Kid is always portrayed as someone who is brutal, violant and rapes women😑 is there a small chance he could be soft and romantic? 💕

... If you could see the face I'm making right now.

I... I have to assume you saw a Kid Pirates coded blog and just sent in an ask without reading anything?

... including the manga?

I want to clarify, I'm not angry - I'm all for people being free to ask what they please as they please, I'm just confounded. I think you're getting fanon/headcanon garbled with canon.

Let me do my best to stick to canon for a moment - we hear terrible things about the Worst Generation pre time-skip. Everyone has a reputation.

Including Luffy and his crew - the information the marines have on the Straw hats, and what they share to the world, is very negative. The only thing that saves Luffy is that, well, he's Luffy - he's not going to lean into any reputation, he's not even paying attention in the first place.

So people see some farm boy in flip flops and think --- Canonically, that Zoro has to be the Captain. It's a running gag.

Now Law and Kid both seem to have leaned into the reputation the marines have given them. (I could stretch this out to the entire worst generation, but I don't want to write that much).

We know Luffy's reputation is bullshit. We've learned Law's reputation, despite him trying to lean into it and convince people otherwise, is crap.

It makes sense that Kid's would be crap too - and let me be clear, I still think he's the most ruthless of the three. Kid strung up a pirate crew on crosses at the very least.

But to my point, we don't ever actually see him level some random civilian town for shits and giggles. We don't see any of the other stuff the marines say he's notorious for - all we do know is that the marine propaganda against pirates would (and, from the marines' point of view, should) be skewed in the marine's favor.

No government wants people to be sympathetic to their biggest problem, and some crews most certainly do the work for them - we're 100% aware of truly cruel and wanton pirate crews.

Luffy beats the shit out of most of them.

Anyway, my vibe on the Kid Crew is that they aren't all that big and bad - they're not nice, by any stretch of the word, but I think they are just as in character as pirates who string other pirates up on crosses as they would be pirates who help a shore-side town rebuild after a tsunami or storm flattened it.

Why for the second one? These guys grew up on a neglected island - the people might have been angry, and rough, and intimidating, but the junk heap of an island still have life on it. You can't survive harsh conditions without community, no matter how grumpy and snappy that community might be.

Makes me think of that one town in Fire Force - level the town in celebration, spend the next day rebuilding.

Anyway, none of Kid's behavior in Wano - the point where we actually get to see it for a good long while - points to some mindlessly ruthless piss of a human going around and terrorizing people for no reason. We see a guy who works together with people, going beyond what he needs to, to then cheer on the twink stealing his kill, and to celebrate peacefully afterward.

Sure, sure, recovery, but when Kid saw Luffy's new bounty and title he didn't exactly put a whole lot of effort into that "attack". Especially not after we saw what he could do if he dug his heels in.

It points to a guy leaning into a reputation that doesn't really mesh with him. But also, Luffy is Luffy.

Anyway, that's my answer.

[catastrofriend]

Title: in over our heads Fandom: fallen hero Characters: Leigh Bennett (sidestep), Ricardo Ortega Words: 833 Notes: for years now, I’ve had this headcanon that is probably not rooted in canon at all but it is all but rooted into my brain that Ortega has panic attacks. They probably have had them on and off for years, in my head, since after heartbreak. Maybe they got better over time but now with everything with sidestep being back but the threat of losing them again and then them getting hurt, has just made it all so much worse again. Anyway, that shit means a lot to me. And it comes back in a lot of my writing. Like this one. AO3: here

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Recovery makes for long days. Boring days. You’ve been stuck in your own head too long and you’re painfully aware how you hate being there even in the best of times. It makes you wonder even more about his.

Ortega’s mind is the only one you can never see a glimpse of. You used to think he was an open book, he’d tell you everything, he was so forward and genuine you couldn’t imagine him keeping secrets. You were so stupid. Even a few months ago, he was fucking playing you. You thought you had him, but you really had no idea.

But at least back then he’d tell you something. Even if it was the smallest kernel, obfuscated by lies and misdirection and all the things you should have noticed, at least he was sharing something. These days he barely even talks to you anymore. Not about things that matter. You’ve tried arguing with him about it, asked him, confronted him directly about the lack of trust, even though he has no reason—that he knows of (probably)—to mistrust you. He keeps saying it won’t help you getting better to get all worked up. To take the time to rest, sort your head out a bit. He says you need it. He’s still an idiot like that.

It itches at you, not knowing what’s going on with him, the Rangers, the city. Hollow Ground. You keep up with the news but fuck knows that’s all bullshit, and most media barely glance over the things that really matter. And you know things are happening. They have to be. Life was put on hold for you, but not for everyone else. You know Ortega wasn’t cleared to go back to work when he did, and he’s trying to hide it, but you know better now, he’s exhausted. He’s pushing his limits and he’s not talking to you about it. Probably not talking to anyone. Very likely not even allowing himself to think about it.

See, you have figured some things out about him since you’ve been stuck here. You’ve wondered several times if his head is a worse place than yours to be in right now. It might be. He’s been unable to hide the sour moods, the tension, the anger he usually obfuscates by deflection and distraction. You’ve started pretending to fall for it again because asking him about it just made it worse. The first time he snapped at you about how fine he was left you shaking and with your back pressed against the wall for safety. He apologized later. And distracted you, put his tongue to good use. What you really wanted was an explanation, though, and he never did give that. But you’ve decided to let it slide, like so many other things. Like the pills he keeps behind lock and key (scared you’ll use them for other ends? Or does he simply not want you to know?). Like the nights he disappears to go for a drive or whatever he does, or the ones where he doesn’t come home at all. Like the panic attacks he tries to hide.

Okay, the last one is pure conjecture on your part, you still don’t have anything solidly pointing towards it, but it feels likely. You picked the lock on the cabinet he keeps his meds in (and every other lock in the apartment, besides), and you know what those are for. Sometimes he goes into the bathroom and turns on the shower but doesn’t use it (again, you’ve checked. No new laundry, no used towels) and you used to think maybe he wanted a private phone call but then you saw he didn’t take his phone. Maybe he wanted some privacy to crank one out but he’s been very open (and inviting) about that. (You’ve accepted the invitation to help once or twice). You’ve considered trying to catch him at it, but decided it would be inconsiderate and very unhelpful for either of you. You do know from experience that sometimes you need to break and you need to do it without anyone bothering you and trying to be helpful. So you let it slide and you think (hope) that he will talk to you when he’s ready and not after it’s gone too far. Despite his track record. And your own track record.

And now you’re here. Feeling more than watching him sleep, and thinking about the state of his head. He’s all gentle slopes and soft pressure against you now, and you like to think at least tonight you’ve helped him and not made it worse. It didn’t take much. Order takeout so he didn’t feel he had to cook after being home early for once. Let him close. Don’t talk too much, don’t ask questions. Claim you’re tired and insist he join you when you go to bed (lie awake restless and bored). Feel that little bit of your life, and your heart, slot into place.

[the-sprog]

The titles of 3 and 4 of your WIP post intrigue me so much, could you tell me a bit more about them?? Thank you Sprog !! 🐻‍❄️🍄😽

Thank you!! Ok so, Number 3: That's not tubular.

This is a Camp Camp fic I started writing but wrote so little of that I didn't even get to the prompt part of it 😅 It's supposed to be about David dagging de-aged by Harrison to when he first joined Camp Campbell! The episode where David tells Max the tale of his and Jasper, telling him about how much of a sourpuss he was, how much he used to be like Max, and Max being like "Yeah you made that up just to make me like camp", is why I wanted to write this. There's some magic bullshit in this show that I think gets overlooked too much.

Harrison made his brother disappear, we should talk about that more.

So I wanted to use this to get Angsty!David and Max to meet. The plan I had for this was to basically give Max a rival. Someone who threatens his place as the one at the top of the food chain. Until they find a way to get him back to Regular!David, that is.

I enjoy writing Max. He's a little kid who's had to grow up too fast and trying his hardest to make everyone hate him, but failing miserably. While David is kinda... refreshing for me. He's unapologetically optimistic to a fault.

It's called "that's not tubular" because uuuuh basically David as a child called people squares, even though it's slang from like the late 40s. And the way people react in the show it's like he swore real bad. So I wanted to use more old slang, and in a situation where tiny!david has to react to something he doesn't like, I feel like tubular would get said.

I'm struggling to choose a snippet for this fic because I haven't touched this idea in... some time... and my punctuation and epithets usage has gotten significantly better in the meantime.

The first one to pick had been Neil, then Space Kid, Erid, Dolph, and so on and so forth, until everyone had a straw in their hands. Max glanced at the other kids’ straws, realizing that David didn’t really understand how drawing straws is supposed to work. All of the straws, but one, have to be the same length. Instead, each camper had in their hand straws of all sizes, making it extremely difficult to figure out who had won. They took some time, comparing each straw, and concluded that Harrison had been the winner of their game.

Numer 4: Ghost for a day (or two)

This one is a sequel to a Danny Phantom fic I published, "Point of Capture". At the end of that fic, Danny is inside a cage and is being dragged to his parents' lab to do some test. In "Ghost for a day (or two)" Danny accepts a truce to let them do non invasive tests to learn more about ghosts and give him a chance at redemption.

He runs away with a power dampener on him.

I got the point of him reaching Sam and Tuck when he escapes. Even though he accepted the truce, he wasn't sure how the dampener would work, so he decides to leave, regroup, and then if it turned out to be truly safe, he'd go back to the Fentons to help them learn more.

This sequel would be about Danny going about his day stuck as Phantom (I know that canonically when he loses his powers he detransforms, but it's less that he loses them and more like he can't access them. So he can't transform) but trying not to make anyone notice while he goes to school and fights ghosts, while also trying to find a way to get his powers back. And also about some headcanons about the philosophy of death in a world where ghosts exist. As well as an exploration of how the Fenton parents think when it comes to ghost morality.

The title is kinda self explainatory, I feel like. Danny gets stuck in ghost mode and it takes longer than he expected to get his powers back.

This wip also suffers from having been written 3 years ago. I haven't touched it since. The punctuation is horrible, especially when it comes to dialogue tags.

His dad reached closer to the cage and freed him. Danny eyed the portal, then his parents who were at that moment preoccupied with setting up their equipment. “I’m sorry” he murmured, then ran to the portal’s button and pressed it. Getting pricked in the finger so many times is starting to get on his nerves. The sound of the opening portal caused his parents to turn around, and his mom to run towards him. Danny didn’t spare any time and jumped inside the green swirl. He said ‘sorry’ again, that time louder than before, after seeing the disappointment and confusion in his father's eyes. It hurt. But he can’t risk it.

I really want to touch up these two fics again. I think there's some real fun to be had, especially with the DP one.

[bagel-boy-sama]

Astarion Baldurs Gate 3 Isn't A TumblrSexyMan™, He's Just A SexyMan™

I've seen a large number of people, most of whom are in the Astarion Disliker/"I don't get it" camp most who are not on this particular hell site, cite Astarion as Tumblr's latest sexyman. Today, I will be explaining why I do not believe that to be the case. That instead, as the title states, he's just a sexyman.

No real knowledge of the hell site is required, I'll explain things for the new people.

Setting The Definitions

First, definitions because this is now Intro to Writing and Rhetoric. A sexyman would be anyone, usually masc or a man, who is concidered sexy by a wide range of people. Fascinating.

A Tumblr Sexyman, on the other hand, is a thing - usually fictional entity - that is incredibly popular on Tumblr.com to the degree it escapes it's fandom sometimes, in the most extreme of cases, becoming far more popular than it's original fandom. It is characterized by a few major characteristics. Ranging from Twinkism* (be it the character or fan interpretation), generally unconventionally/perceived to be unconventionally attractive in a non physical sense (character traits that wouldn't otherwise be desirable, like absurd behavior or generally evilness), to impeccable drip (either in the original media/design, or done by fans in fanart).

*note: Twinkism (which I did just throw in on the spot this is entirely bullshit for my own amusement) is the phenomenon of skinny, young looking, pretty/feminine white boys who are within media. This is different from twinks, who are understood to be young and skinny - being pretty, popular, or white is not connected. All those who participate in Twinkism are Twinks, but not all Twinks participate in Twinkism.

Does Astarion Baldurs Gate 3 Fit The Definition?

First rule: must be at least a twink. Is he?

No. Yes. Kinda. In a way. Many people would describe Astarion as someone who's gone through "Twink Death". No this is not because he's literally undead. Twink Death, in it's simplest form, is when a twink no longer looks young and/or feminine. Astarion has aged. His crows feet and laugh lines, while beautiful, do not make him look 18. For some this would disqualify him from being a Twink. So perhaps he has failed at the first step.

I, however, am not satisfied with that. Moving on, is Astarion - or would Astarion - actually be considered conventionally unattractive in any way that is disconnected from his appearance? I argue no. Vampires are considered very well, normal to lust after. They're right below succubus on the "This isn't considered weird to find attractive" scale. You aren't romancing The Emperor here. Outside of that he's well groomed, shown to be muscular in game (headcanon does often disagree and while I wish it was true we are working with facts for this specific discussion), and an elf. In personality, while not for everyone, he's the pretty standard fruity sarcastic gay who's a bit selfish. We all know a fruity sarcastic gay who's a bit selfish, and they get laid. So it can't be considered that bad. Probably.

I feel important to note here that I am aroace and have no idea what I'm talking about right now. This is an educated guess.

Astarion has lost now, two for two. He's barely a twink, even going off of his model he's more a twunk. He definitely doesn't fit the Twinkism phenomenon. He's not weird to find attractive, I assume, so what else is there? His drip? I'm sorry, but his base outfit is a bit well Goofy to say the least. Much fanart leaves him in this outfit or a simpler version because drawing ruffles is enough to make anyone want to willingly jump headfirst into the underdark, so he fails the drip test as well.

His final hurtle: is his popularity Tumblr™. In this context Tumblr™ is different from Tumblr. Tumblr™ is the fandom side, where a sexyman would flourish and find their own fandom. Importantly, this fandom needs to be very insular to the site. It's a *Tumblr* sexyman after all. So that begs the question, is Astarion highly liked by mostly or purely Tumblr people/those who have the vibes of a Tumblr user? No.

Astarion is well loved by many people of various vibes. He has affected (previously) straight men on Reddit. Few can escape him and his 10 charisma.

Conclusion

Astarion is just a sexyman. He's just a fictional character that many think is neat and attractive for a variety of reasons. He's the Ryan Reynolds of crpgs. He's some dude, who's generally considered attractive by a lot of people who you both would and wouldn't expect to find him attractive.

[grimm-the-tiger]

A compilation of some of my favorite non-canonical tags from my Whumptober 2024 fics (all-fandom version)

i didn't even proofread this sucker babeyyyy

Winter, i mean it's called the winter war for a reason

i love my little honk gremlin squad

i don't know how well this actually follows the prompts but fuck it

Some Humor, mostly crass humor

Estonia needs a fucking break man

Victorian-era understanding of bacterial infections

Trans Female Character, it's not important i just think it's neat

Author has just started the Grishaverse and still doesn't fully know how it works yet, please bear with me

Temporary Amnesia, courtesy of the aforementioned head trauma

slight overuse of scots words

author cannot write bdubs to save their ass

Coping with boredom by drinking it away (along with all the rest of your problems)

Accidental overdose, don't worry he's fine

Background Zedaph shenanigans

Murphy's Law, actually Finagle's Law but that doesn't have a tag, and Murphy's Law is close enough

Moth Shenanigans (Sky: Children of the Light)

tbf this is the happy friendship sim, Like, the friendship is kind of an inevitability

no beta we blow ourselves up in the nether

reckless use of explosives

Zouchies, :), can't tell you how long i've wanted to use that tag

BAMF Canada (Hetalia), doesn't save him in the end but oh well

iceland is part demon but it's fine, it's not brought up but it's fine

Happy Ending, ish

lukas has so many trust issues it's not even funny, mfer your best friend has been kidnapped by witch hunters, no one is going to judge you if you show emotion for once

iceland has a fantastic time in this fic /lie

Zombie Apocalypse, Robot Apocalypse, combination of the two, it's complicated

weird metaphors

rope knots, not sexual ones, get your mind out of the gutter

thank god it's a weekend

title has nothing to do with the fic, i was just listening to hunger when i wrote it

canon-typical child murder

i will hold onto that headcanon until the day i die

america does shit all in this fic tbh

i genuinely have no idea how to tag this

i didn't know how to end this so i just...did

sort of but not really separation anxiety

woe, vex!etho be upon ye

he's trying his best, and falling flat on his face most of the time, but he's trying dammit

help i'm running out of ideas for no beta tags

vaguely political

Zouchies, i got to use the tag again!

Wanton abuse of the common comma

and downer endings, can't forget the downer endings

weird planetouched bullshit

[starlight-blvd]

the hearing — a hwu drabble-fic

(I wanted to write something for my HWU MC before I posted her profile entry so that her bio and headcanons made more sense. Quotes in italics come from dialogue in the quest itself.)

Friday, May 22nd, 2015

"Rose Jeanette Ingram, this is not the end of your acting career."

The brunette stood in front of her dorm's bathroom mirror, wearing a suit she'd kept in her closet to bring out for this unfortunate occasion. Her disciplinary hearing was scheduled to start in half an hour at the Monroe building, thankfully only a ten-minute walk away.

Her phone was on the sink's counter, still open so that her text messages were still on screen. Addison and Lisa were already there, and Zoe was finding a parking spot off-campus.

A knock on the door. "Rose? You good in there?"

Rose sighed. "Just a second!" She took one more look at herself in the mirror before exiting the bathroom.

Ethan Blake, her agent, stood in front of her desk with his hand leaning on its surface.

"Any luck?" she asked.

He shook his head with a pitiful expression. "Nope. Chris is out of the country to shoot a film, and Holly's going no-contact right now."

"Shit. And you can't vouch for me because your title makes them think you're inherently biased."

"Unfortunately. And we can't ask Aria to come in either since we didn't work with her."

Rose sat on the edge of her bed. "I can't believe this. All these technicalities, and it feels like they're running this hearing process ass-backwards. Anders probably put some fucking money behind this just so they can eliminate any of Bianca's competition."

Ethan moved to sit next to his friend, putting a hand on her shoulder. "You know what I always say: 'Integrity is losing with good intentions, not winning with bad intentions.' We just have to go in with Lisa and Zoe on our side at this point. It might still be enough, but we can't say we didn't try regardless."

She looked down at her feet as she slid on a pair of black heels. "You're right. I just don't want my career to end like this."

"I know. We'll get through this. I promise."

~~~

Fifteen minutes later, Rose sat at a table by herself in front of a long bench with several unoccupied seats. Addison, Ethan, Lisa and Zoe all sat a few rows behind her. Bianca, Jenni, Lance, and Anders all sat at a table a few yards away from Rose's.

Professor Singh walked into the room, followed by several faces Rose didn't recognize, save for Professor Hunt at the very end of the line. He was the only one to look at her and acknowledge her presence before going to sit behind the bench.

The air around her felt fifteen degrees colder when she heard the door fall shut.

"Nice of you to show up on time," Professor Singh remarked. "Barely."

"Save your vitriol for when it's warranted, Priya," Thomas quipped back before taking a head count of the room. "It looks like all relevant parties are here, so the hearing can begin." His voice didn't seem as cold as it usually was in this moment, and Rose couldn't discern if that was a good sign or not.

Professor Singh spoke again. "We've already had a chance to review the three projects you submitted. The work is impressive…" A long pause. "...but the issue of your character is a concern. We'll start with community members who wish to speak against Rose."

"Ooh! Me first!" Bianca's shrill voice spoke up, elbowing her boyfriend Lance in the ribs.

"Uh, and me! I want to say mean stuff about Rose!"

Anders crossed his arms, his facial expression as smug as the day Rose first knew of his existence. "And I have plenty to say."

Professor Singh seemed to copy his expression in return. "Oh, don't worry… you'll all get your turns-"

"This is asinine!" "——— bullshit!"

Rose had shouted with the more hearing-appropriate choice of words, but she hadn't expected the latter voice to continue.

"You do understand how predatory you appear to be, don't you?" Professor Hunt asked as he stood up from his seat at the bench.

"Thomas, what the hell do you think you're doing?" Professor Singh questioned with a shocked and seething voice.

"Calling out abhorrent behavior that I'm seeing happen directly in front of my face. Yours included. If this board is not going to function as intended, then I will not sit or stand as a member of it."

"You're making a mistake-"

"So is the board for letting us address the disciplinary complaint of a nineteen-year-old who went into a club despite being underage, was drinking despite being underage, and who antagonized a twenty-three-year-old woman who was just minding her own business." Professor Hunt moved from behind the bench. "I have all of these students in my class, Priya. I know how old they are. They're all going to make understandable mistakes that every student goes through, but I know damn well that there is video evidence of Bianca drinking in that club and video evidence of what actually happened that you did not want to take into account so you could accept a blank check from Anders Stone." He eventually stood beside Rose's table. "I will not let this slide."

This stunned the disciplinary board into silence — and almost everyone else, for that matter.

"You think you're so damn smart, Hunt," Anders remarked with a sneer. "Always trying to level the playing field with your heroism."

"I'm no hero." He turned to the actress. "I know Rose can defend herself well on her own, but I'm not going to sit here and watch her career die because of a setup."

Campus security started filing into the room, moving to take the Stone family and Bianca's friends off the premises.

The two professors who had spoken throughout this meeting glared daggers at each other from across the room.

"Dismiss this complaint," Thomas ordered. "You know the tabloids will devour this scandal when it comes out. None of us will come out looking good in the end."

Without a word but still continuing her glare, Professor Singh signed the dismissal from for the complaint, handing it off to the others to sign.

Rose sat there as if she were a deer in headlights, unsure if she really just bore witness to all of that in front of her. She didn't think that Hunt of all people would have sided with her, but as she watched people around her be even more vicious than she knew him to be in her presence, it dawned on her that this could just be the beginning of her time in the industry. Her mind went to how much worse things could get as opposed to how much better things could be after this. She took a calming breath as she finished processing the events of the meeting, watching the board members leaving after one of them handed the dismissal form to Hunt.

"I think I'm going to change my major," Rose said quietly.

Hunt paused, pen in hand. "Pardon?"

Rose looked down at her hands on the table. "If this is how the industry is going to continue to treat me as an actor, then I don't want things to get even worse."

Placing the paperwork down, Thomas looked at her. "I wouldn't rush into making that decision here and now." He sat across from her. "You still have many years ahead of you to figure this out. I know of your previous academic record, Rose. Your skillset leaves you at an advantage here." He signed the form and placed it into a manila folder, which in turn went into his messenger bag. "Ultimately, I can't make your decision for you, but summer break starts tomorrow. Give yourself some grace, and please give this idea more thought and time to see if that's what you want."

She nodded, taking a moment before looking over at him. "...thank you, Professor. For defending me."

Hunt nodded in return. "Of course. I know you can handle yourself, but I knew how this was going to play out if I didn't step in." He stood up from his seat. "Walk with me. Your friends are waiting for you."

Complying, Rose stood up and moved to walk side by side with him. "I thought you hated me. I've heard you call me a pain in the ass before."

"I was too quick to judge you, and I take full responsibility for that. Not just towards you, but toward some of your friends as well. I'm sorry."

Rose adjusted her sleeves. "It's okay. I'm just glad you apologized."

The two left the room as Addison, Ethan, Lisa and Zoe stood by the opposite wall of the hallway they entered.

"Keep me updated," Hunt said before turning down the hallway and exiting the building.

"What the hell was that?" Lisa asked.

"I don't know," Rose admitted, watching Hunt walk across the courtyard. "But I think I'll be fine in Hollywood 101 now."

[fefuckability]

TLDR: Black Knight and Bertram get to walk off being killed by Ike’s gaggle of latent homosexuality in between games, because reasons, but Petrine is forced to stay dead, she deserves justice! Also I go into some bullshit about her stats and Branded lore AND I have mathematical proof she’s more dommy than Nailah!

More below:

Now while I wouldn’t call myself the CEO of Petrine quite yet (still working on earning that title) I certainly would call myself a Petrine expert, and today I come to you with everyone’s favorite subjects; unit stats and headcanons for lore IS didn’t have time to actually finish.

Petrine’s stats in Path of Radiance (I’ll be using hardmode since the true ending basically confirms it as the “canon” difficulty) are incredibly standout, not just because she’s a fucking beast but also because they don’t make sense, at least on the surface.

Level:18

HP:43

STR:20

MAG:18

SKL:22

SPD:23

LCK:10

DEF:24

RES:19

(I wont be going over her CON since it’s essentially meaningless on a female character, iykyk but tldr IS has a real nasty habit of genderlocking a playable CON stat, Echidna who won the Binding Blade woman’s division is rendered useless in her starting chapter because her weapon is too heavy for her and the enemies she’s surrounded by double her to death because of it, she is a green unit, her surviving is mostly an rng check.)

So you might be noticing something here, why the actual fuck is a PALADIN a complete quality build between physical and magical stats?

(Besides IS wanting to give her a cool magic weapon of course, there are very few coincidences in Tellius, to such an insane degree that many of Radiant Dawn’s twists were figured out long before its release. The crumb trail of what is very likely Petrine cut content makes me sad.)

Here we dip ever so slightly into headcanons (I’ll try to avoid getting to deep into pseudo canon stuff) but the reasoning is almost certainly because of her brand (Tiger Tribe). Micaiah, a heron branded carrying Altina’s blood, can very notably cast magic without a tome (she also can cast dark/elder magic without consequence but thats not the point of this), the ability to cast spells you have a predisposed proficiency for without a tome is very likely not unique to her, rather what makes her special is the sheer power of the magic her body is capable of channeling.

Petrine’s weapon in Path of Radiance is the Flame Lance, it deals magical damage based on her abnormally high magic stat and is essentially a catalyst for fire anima combined with a weapon she’s comfortable using (S rank).

So it’s pretty likely Petrine can cast at least use some fire magic without a tome or other catalyst, but uses one for stronger spells to avoid the recoil on her body, and I just think that’s metal as fuck, like that shit’s fucking awesome.

(Which is why in Fire Emblem lore tomes break, they take on the spell’s recoil in place of your body, and also why Valentian mages are just built different and say fuck that. What likely differentiates Branded is that they can cast varying degrees of magic without suffering recoil to their body, in Micaiah’s case healing magic is incredibly straining so I like to think of Sacrifice more being her casting Nosferatu in reverse)

Nailah time; she has a husband, a Heron who she says is perfect for her and they are very cute together but theres something here of note. Heron’s (theres no info on the other Bird Laguz) canonically have hollow bird bones, I’m not kidding, Reyson breaks his hand punching Oliver in the face.

Reyson: I suffer more damage than my target.

Ike: What?!

Reyson: When I bashed Duke Tanas's face, he only suffered a bloody nose, but it cracked the bones in the back of my hand.

Ike: Holy.

Reyson: Indeed.

Ike: ...But it felt good, right?

Reyson: Oh, yeah.

Nailah is at the very least canonically capable of restraining her vicious Snu Snu to be gentle enough she won’t break her boytoy, which is REALLY fucking gentle, and while Petrine is probably also surprisingly healthy about kinky stuff (lets be real would she really consider it a “victory” if her partner didn’t want it?) I’m just saying even the strongest would prolly need a healer afterwards.

Also she would definitely put a collar on you, I know her constantly calling people dogs is censorship of her swearing her ass off in Japanese, but Japanese Petrine is probably also carrying some insane BDSM “lick my boots and hump my leg but I’m also viciously protective of you and really do care” vibes.

Also her tits are bigger than Nailah’s.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk/unhinged rant, please consider voting Petrine she is very pretty and deserves better than she got, and even though Nailah will prolly win all the way to first place I can at least hope it won’t be a one sided curbstomp.

If by some miracle Petrine comes out on top there will be raucous celebrations.

ima frame this post on my wall for posterity

[teecupangel]

Hi! I was thinking about your reblog of my AssCreed headcanon list and I got this idea... Adha and Desmond character swap?

Desmond just wakes up in the Levant without any reason while Adha gets transported into the future because of their weird Chalice connection.

Bonus points if the switch happens at a really awkward time, like Des wakes up in bed with Altaïr and Adha with Lucy/Shaun/Rebecca (... basically whatever modern day character you ship Desmond with, or maybe all of them if you wanna go the poly route)

And what do you know, maybe Desmond knows enough about the future to warn everybody about Al Mualim and Kadar gets to live, and maybe Adha is well-versed enough in Isu bullshit to save Lucy and the world (and also Clay, somehow? Can we fit him in there as well?).

The reblog in question and the tags I included:

#no 3 though would mean that calling adha the chalice meant, #she was similar to desmond miles, #maybe she was a failed version, #and there's a few like her, #with desmond being the final 'product', #i personally headcanon adha is called the chalice because she has a specific isu blood that can open something, #like maybe the lost city of iram, #also known as atlantis of the sands

Honestly, Desmond being reborn as Adha has been a Yew Branches idea of mine since last year mostly because:

The term Chalice would mean it’s meant to hold something (as @fanworldbuildingfun once stated) and considering the most famous Chalice is meant to hold blood, the idea that the title Chalice is connected to her blood is high and is similar to how Desmond’s blood(line) plays an important part in his story.

Adha means ‘sacrifice’ and Desmond ends up sacrificing himself. (While Adha was the sacrifice that needed to happen so Altaïr would become who he is in AC1)

Adha wanted to leave Levant and everything behind. Desmond wanted the same thing and did just that.

There’s a possibility that she was 25 when she died (unconfirmed) which is also the same age Desmond died.

Anyway, let’s talk about how Desmond and Adha swapping places would work.

Okay, so let’s go over what we’re sure will happen:

Desmond and Adha would switch places at very awkward times because that would be fun and we all love to make Desmond suffer (affectionately).

Desmond would end up saving Kadar and warn everyone about Al Mualim (and be believed, I guess?)

Adha would end up saving Lucy and the world

Optional: Clay will be saved as well

So, for this one, we’ll have to twist the timeline a bit. We never did get an idea of when (if he ever did) Desmond relived Altaïr’s memories of Altaïr’s Chronicles (although I do like to headcanon he dreamed of it while he was stuck in the trunk of the car as Lucy drives them to the Rome hideout) so we’ll throw that away and make Desmond only have vague memories of Adha because we are setting this in the timeline where Lucy is still alive so that means Desmond hasn’t reached a Synch Nexus with Altaïr yet.

I propose that they switch not after a night of passion but during it, like in the exact middle of it. The kind reason for this is that no one would mistake that some kind of nefarious switcheroo has happened or another. The mean (totally the main reason why I'm suggesting this) reason is… maximum embarrassment and panic for Desmond which I am all for. XD

Okay, so let’s focus on Desmond first:

The best time for Altaïr and Adha to have some quality time would be just after they reunited and left the sewers and before Altaïr went to Tyr to ‘confront’ Harash. For this, we’ll assume Altaïr didn’t leave immediately and, instead, decided to stay with Adha for one night. During that time, Desmond changes places with her and… there’s a long period of just the two of them staring at each other with growing surprise and whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuck

Then Altaïr grabs him by the throat and demands to know who he is and where’s Adha.

And just as Desmond is starting to get lighthearted from the lack of oxygen.

He manages to blurt out.

“I’m Adha!”

And that… is how Desmond Miles, the Isu’s favorite chew toy and the unluckiest chosen one in the world, screwed up so badly that he now has to pretend to be the tragic destined-to-die lover of Altaïr Ibn-La'Ahad.

Of course, Altaïr didn’t believe him at first but then Desmond started answering his questions, questions only Altaïr and Adha would have known the answers to and Desmond is pretty sure it wasn’t his Bleed of Altaïr that was giving him the answers.

Not when one of the questions made him say “Oh, that? Yeah. I lied to you back then. What? You were cute as a kid and you believed everything I say so I wanted to see if you’d be able to tell if I was lying! You never did, right?”

There was no way Desmond could have answered that unless Altaïr knew it was a lie. Altaïr had truly believed it which means…

For some reason…

He has Adha’s memories inside him.

Unorganized Notes:

Desmond got Altaïr to call him ‘Desmond’ because “it’ll be weird if you call a guy ‘Adha’, right? Also, the Brotherhood knows Adha and I don’t look anything like her.”

Desmond joins Altaïr in finishing up the remaining plot points of Altaïr Chronicles because something inside him knows something bad is going to happen if he doesn’t stay with Altaïr. Also, Altaïr wasn’t going to let him out of his sight because there were still a bit of lingering doubts about Desmond’s true identity which Desmond is like “yeah, that sounds about right”.

Altaïr Chronicles’ parts end successfully but Desmond gets a headache the day Adha was meant to die. He loses consciousness and Altaïr has to carry him off to somewhere safe until he wakes up.

When he wakes up, he knows where to go…

And now we get to Adha’s side of the story, in which she gets transported while Desmond was in the middle of a little stress-relieving session with Rebecca, Shaun and Lucy. All three of them immediately freaked out while Adha is momentarily confused before giving the same excuse Desmond gave to Altaïr.

“I’m Desmond Miles.”

Everyone is super sus at that but, really, they’re dealing with Isu BS and Desmond’s Bleeding Effect had been weirder than what was recorded (Lucy’s insistent “It can’t do this!!!” falls into deaf ears) and they figured the best way to check if Adha is Desmond is to put her in the Animus to check her genetic memories.

Lo and behold…

She has the same genetic DNA as Desmond Miles.

Not only that, the Animus ‘sees’ her as Subject 17 and the next memory to be played was the same memory of Ezio where they stopped for the day.

So, yeah…

According to the Animus…

Adha was Desmond Miles.

What the fuck.

Unorganized Notes:

Unlike Altaïr and Adha who did have an intimate romantic (most probably, fuck it, I’m headcanoning here, childhood friends to arranged marriage) relationship, Desmond’s relationship with Lucy, Shaun and Rebecca is primarily sexual although the feelings were starting to creep in.

If this was a fic, the narration would be more… vague. Less of Adha being an unreliable narrator and more of like the narration isn’t set in Adha’s eyes like with Desmond’s but in the eyes of the people around her although she’s the main focus.

She actually has a higher sync rate than any of Desmond’s past synchronization which is surprising.

Instead of going to the colosseum, Ezio’s memories stopped just as he had taken the Apple back from the Borgias, instead giving them the memory of Altaïr and everyone freezes when they saw Desmond with him.

They were underground and Shaun noticed that it looks a lot like the vault in the Vatican but… there are pillars, large and tall, piercing the dark ceiling above them.

After that memory plays, Adha slips into a coma and the Animus tells them that taking her off would endanger her so they keep her hooked to the Animus as it starts playing memories of Altaïr and Desmond.

During that time, Adha meets with Clay who calls her an ‘anomaly’ and Adha just smiles as she says “yeah, that sounds about right.”

Their conversation will be hidden from everyone (including the readers) and it will end with Adha waking up from her coma and telling everyone that they need to go somewhere else right now.

She takes them to the colosseum first to get the Apple but she tells Lucy to stay in the van for now. When Lucy tries to join them, the van locks by itself and Lucy freezes when she hears Clay’s voice coming from the laptop connected to the Animus.

When they returned, Lucy is oddly quiet and just asks Adha where to go next.

Adha gives them the location of a place they never heard from Ezio’s memories at all.

The Convergence:

The location in question is the lost city of Iram which has an underground Isu ‘temple’ named Iram of the Pillars.

The pillars there served as one of the many failed experiments of the Isu to protect themselves from the Solar Flare. The pillars were meant to store the data of all the Isus and the idea was they would be used to transfer the Isus forward a little bit after the Solar Flare.

The process of uploading the data itself proved to take too much time and Juno used the premise of this project and created the Mead to transfer the Isu’s consciousness instead of its entirety.

Iram can only be opened by a specific bloodline. To be more specific, the bloodline that Adha belongs to with an Isu ancestry that had been in charge of the Pillar Project (since this is a Capitoline Triad thing, I wanna say Minerva since she has a statue in Masyaf according to the novel but the idea of Juno and Aita having a child that would could be the Isu ancestor of Adha is a bit fun). This Isu ancestry is also in Altaïr’s bloodline thanks to Umar although his blood is more ‘diluted’ than Adha’s.

The Isu ancestry is why Adha is named the Chalice and why she ‘can turn the tide’ of the crusades since this is pretty much a teleporter of some sort.

Desmond is connected to Adha for one specific reason: he’s was Adha in his past life and now, thanks to whatever the fuck happened in 2012 that serves as the premise of all Yew Branches, Adha herself is the reincarnation of Desmond Miles after he died in 2012.

In other words, the Adha we’ve been looking at had been Desmond Miles who used Iram’s Pillar Project to switch their places because she, as Desmond Miles, wanted to save the people he couldn’t save in his previous life. And now, the pillars are ready for its final use.

By using the Pillars that have been upgraded thanks to Desmond in the past (and Altaïr) bringing the necessary POEs that would start the automatic upgrade construction that would need centuries to be completed, the Pillars could be used for one big moment where the entire world will be transported a few seconds into the future just as the Solar Flare hits. This way, the entire world would be gone and when it returns (without anyone knowing of the time and space displacement), the Solar Flare would have already been completed.

Now…

This is the conundrum…

Do we include in the idea that using the Pillars to save the world meant that Adha and Desmond would be stuck in their current time with Desmond with Altaïr and Adha with Shaun, Rebecca, Lucy and (digital ghost for now) Clay?

Or will the Pillars switch them back in their proper time?

What would count as a happy ending in this scenario?

Because Adha has Desmond Miles’ memories so she does love Shaun, Rebecca, and Lucy the same way Desmond Miles had and everything she had done was to save the world and save Lucy and Clay.

And Desmond has spent years with Altaïr at this point, growing close to him and Altaïr definitely realized that Desmond is more than just Adha.

So… really…

Would returning them to their original timeline truly be a happy ending?

[whinlatter]

authors note | fic: beasts | chapters one and two (AO3)

i'm going to be sharing little author's notes with each chapter of my new fic beasts, with short reflections on writing, headcanons, acknowledgements and recs for fics/metas and other media that i love and that helped me think through or shape the chapter in some way (writers are debtors!) very aware these author's notes are extremely indulgent (oops), but i find them helpful to think about projects’ shape and influences and moving parts, and also cannot get enough of reading other people's reflections on their writing, so hope you'll humour me with these (or just keep scrolling if not!)

in this author's note, i talk a bit about the scope of the project as a whole, the kind of story (and love story) this is, as well as talk a little about bringing these first two chapters (I: fledgling and II: gamebird) into being. there’s also a little sneak peek of chapter 3 featuring a certain DADA teacher 👀🌙✨

spoilers for chapters one and two below the cut!

notes on beasts:

these are chapters one and two of a multichapter post-war story called beasts, which follows ginny’s seventh and final year back at hogwarts after the second wizarding war.

beasts is a coming-of-age story. it's a fic that has ginny looking back on her childhood and adolescence, coming to terms with the war and her place in it, thinking about the prospect of a rebuilt post-war wizarding world. it is also - of course - a love story.

most of all, though, beasts is about a young person’s relationship with the magical world. who is a beast, who is a being: these are questions that define degrees of inclusion in the life of the wizarding world. this is a story about the littlest weasley - child of magic, animal-lover - growing up among wild things, the savages and the monsters, and learning to find her place among them. it's about grieving and growing up in a world that distinguishes beings from beasts. it asks what it means to see those distinctions (and to doubt them).

this fic will contain multiple timelines: the present (ginny back at hogwarts in 1998-99), as well as memories and flashbacks to her childhood and school years (1981-1998, philosopher's stone thru deathly hallows). this is canon-compliant work, with some amount of speculation in imagining the characters in the immediate postwar moment. harry and ron are about to start training to be aurors in london: ginny and hermione have gone back to hogwarts for their seventh year.

the project as a whole is going to be full of wild things and war, but also softness and conversation and care, flashbacks and memories (and, soon, lots and lots of letters). we're going slow & steady, but i'm very excited to be sharing it at last, and really hope you enjoy it.

TW: depictions of torture and violence against minors | canon character death | discussion of PTSD | mention of sexual harassment

notes on chapters one and two:

acknowledgements: a lil conversation with @btelling helped me better figure out why i want to use non-linear devices to tell this story, and her tips on non-linear storytelling and flagging were a big help, so huge cheers to her for that.

on chapter titles: fledgling, n. a young bird that has just fledged; fledged (of a young bird): having wing feathers that are large enough for flight; able to fly. gamebird, n. a bird shot for sport or food.

on the boating ceremony: chapter one opens at the close, with ginny and hermione's graduation ceremony. i know the boating ceremony, where the graduates sail back across the lake, is not technically canon, but rather comes from an old jkr post-series interview about hogwarts graduation ceremony practices. jkr seemed to think it was poetic. i reckon ginny weasley would think it was absolute bullshit. so, you know, had to nick it

on hannah and luna: hannah abbott, in this story, is now in ginny’s year, as she had to repeat a year after her mother’s death (she’d missed too much of her sixth year). luna is also very much a part of this story, but absent at the graduation ceremony for reasons that will be revealed in later chapters (if you saw a mention of her in an earlier draft of chapter 1... keep that to yourself)

on hermione: hermione is head girl for ~ reasons ~ that will be discussed in a later chapter. any guesses for head boy?

on fantastic beasts: i've used two excerpts from fantastic beasts here - the intro on magizoology, and the entry on the basilisk. the full book can be found online here.

on harry and ginny: this is a love story. but, as (i hope!) you can see from these chapters, this is also a story about ginny herself. what i wanted was to start this fic less with the question of 'how do harry and ginny get back together' than 'how do any of these characters put themselves back together'. it's a question that inevitably asks questions about relationships, but it also allows them be part of a bigger, broader thing, about finding a durable, stable happiness. so we start here, with harry and ginny, together, a summer behind them, but together in a tentative, fragile, new sort-of way. harry and ginny will have lots to figure out over the course of this story. ron and hermione are also together and will, of course, have their own place in all of this. this is canon/epilogue compliant, so we're working with all canon (and canonish hehe) relationships here babyyy

on ginny's first trip to hagrid's hut: i put a little excerpt of the canon scene from chamber of secrets at the top of chapter 2, where hagrid mentions ginny has been poking around hagrid’s hut. i know there's some dispute about whether ginny was already possessed by tom at this point, so trying to get at the roosters, or whether she was genuinely wandering around the grounds, maybe hoping to bump into harry. i tried to go for a half-way point here – i think she's discussed the chicken sheds with tom, but she’s not yet started attacking the roosters. so, for that scene at least, she is very much in control of her own faculties during her first proper conversation with hagrid.

on the troll: there are tiny references to my other fic orchards in chapter 2 (ron’s letter and the drawing of the troll) – if you want to read this piece, an earlier hbp harry/ginny summer fic, you can find it on ao3 here!

on gideon’s prewett’s watch: the mirror to harry’s coming-of-age present from the weasleys, this was ginny’s seventeenth birthday present. we’ll be seeing this watch again…

reading list for chapters one and two:

on ginny's childhood and adolescence:

stumble on a secret power by pinkdementors (AO3) All stories have a beginning. This is one of them: the diary, the girl, the quill dipped in ink. Don’t trust a magical object if you can’t see where it keeps its brain, Arthur would admonish months later, but Ginny had grown up in a house crammed with unknown magic, had no memory of a life separate from talking mirrors and singing teapots and the tinny complaints of Great-Uncle Alfie’s chess set. She was just turned eleven years old, and she wanted a friend. Was this to be her crime?

lost by dirgewithoutmusic (AO3) Or were they something else entirely, this trio who was not golden? They were the unchosen three: the discarded Horcrux and the last Weasley; the brave, broken backup Boy Who Lived; the loony girl who lost her shoes and had more friends in thestrals than in her common room.

on ginny, tom and the diary:

the train station by dirgewithoutmusic (AO3) At eleven years old, Ginny Weasley almost died on the cold Chamber floor.

ginny weasley and the chamber of secrets by @its-nanse (AO3) Chamber of Secrets from Ginny's perspective, as a graphic novel.

slipped (and said something like your name) by @pebblysand (AO3) Through all of it, Harry stands at the back of the room. He stares straight ahead, quiet, hands shoved deep inside the pockets of the Gryffindor jumper that someone’s lent him. Very few of his things are truly his, these days. The morning after they got back, Ginny watched him from her bedroom window, up at four o’clock in the morning. He walked out of the house like he didn’t want to be in it and burnt all the clothes that Hermione had packed months ago in her tiny, beaded bag. ‘It all smells like damp,’ he said. Like blood, like fear and like the war. this meta by @stuckwith-harry on gender, tropes of victorian horror, and harry and ginny's contrasting relationship with riddle (tumblr) this re-read meta for chamber of secrets by @ashesandhackles (tumblr)

on charlie weasley:

Career Advice by edenfalling (AO3) Bill Weasley didn't pay much attention to goblins until his fifth year at Hogwarts.

unreachable by malapropism (AO3) "Eventually, Charlie found the words for what he’d always known, and learned that there were others with stories like his. It was easier, in a sense, once he had a word to explain something that seemed inexplicable to so many... But he’d never really gone searching for language, or for community, and he always just thought of himself as simply not interested. Not interested in relationships, or sex, or the kind of love that people fall into."

on time gaps & non-linear storytelling:

Maps to the Stars’ Homes by lizbee (AO3) Following the war, Harry buys a plane ticket and leaves, but the memories keep following him.

for the hope of it all by @missgryffin (AO3) James Potter’s given up on ever having a chance with Lily Evans. Lily Evans is trying not to be in love with James Potter, whom she’s fallen for too late. And Sirius Black’s not scheming at all when he enlists his friends’ help to spend a week fixing up a remote beach cottage that he bought with his inheritance money—and fails to mention the shortage of beds.

actually have been revisiting lots of films for this project to try and think about how to play with timelines (my taste is reallll basic ok), including:

little women (2019), dir. greta gerwig | moonlight (2016), dir. barry jenkins | dunkirk (2018), dir. christopher nolan | la vie en rose (2007), dir. olivier darhan | the social network (2010), dir. david fincher | 500 days of summer (2009), dir. marc webb | the irishman (2019), dir. martin scorcese

songs from the playlist particularly for this chapter:

smoke signals (reprise) – phoebe bridgers | an arc of doves (remastered 2004) – brian eno, harold budd | wallowa lake monster – sufjan stevens | a window to the past – john williams

...and a sneak peek of chapter 3 👀🐺🛖

She’s getting cold feet with every step she and Lupin take towards the gamekeeper's hut. ‘He won’t bite, you know.’ ‘No, I know, but –’ ‘And, as I recall, what Hagrid’s baking lacks in quality, it more than makes up for in quantity.’ ‘No, you don’t understand –’ ‘What don’t I understand?’ ‘I’m the one,’ she whispers, a little frantic, ‘who got him sent to Azkaban!’ Lupin halts on the path. He turns to look at her sharply. ‘I’m afraid I don’t agree with you there,' he says. 'It seems to me the only person who got Hagrid sent to Azkaban is Lord Voldemort.’ Lupin frowns. ‘And perhaps Cornelius Fudge, who has an unfortunate tendency to cast aside anyone he deems lesser than him in the service of his own ambition.’ He’s a madman, she thinks. Professor Lupin looks like a gust of wind might finish him off — and yet here he is, slagging off the Minister for Magic, and throwing Tom’s darkest name around on a Tuesday morning, like it’s nothing.

🦉 thoughts & questions? ask me anything!

[jiabeewrites]

Avengers Gender & Sexuality Headcanons, but cleaned up a bit

hello hello! I revisited my old post, and it was messy af and I don't really headcanon a lot of these anymore. SO I PRESENT TO YOU:

The Avengers Being Gay As Fuck

STEEB ROGER ROGER || CAPTAIN AMERICA - ohhhhh boy... - bro is kinda not up to speed with how ✨🏳‍🌈 the gays 🏳‍🌈✨ are treated nowadays - so peter decides to teach him - and at first, he's kinda confused, esp about trans people - because hello, he was born in the fourties - it's kinda non-realistic to expect him to snap to reality just like that - anyhoo, peter ain't having the "how tf do trans people work" bullshit - he, like any good gen z kid would do, creates a shitty powerpoint presentation - after two full fucking hours of explanation, steve starts to get it - he still slips up sometimes... - but he tries his fucking best and honestly that's all we can ask of him - i don't really see steve labeling himself, but if you asked, he'd probably just steer the conversation away from that topic - would still use he/him - fuck that was long

TONY STARK || TIN CAN IRON MAN - bro has fucked and been fucked, taken and given head - by both men and women - cmon. there's no way that this billionaire playboy isn't fruity - pansexual, doesn't care about the gender of the person he loves - he's either in a poly relationship with pepper and rhodey or enemies-to-lovers with a certain stephen strange - he/him - funds the annual manhattan pride - qpr with rhodey

BRUCE BANNER || JOLLY GREEN GIANT - oh poor child - i feel like he is not one for sex - like bro practically radiates aroace energy - doesn't really feel the need for gender conformity. gender is an unknown subject and he doesn't like to meddle with it. end of story - pretty sure he's agender - i feel like he wouldn't care what pronouns are used, but if asked, i think he would answer he/they - bro is a triple a battery fr - prefers to be adressed as dr. banner or just banner

NATASHA ROMANOFF || SCARY ASSASSIN LADY - she/her. nuff said. - asexual. i will die on this hill - the red room taught her to use her body to get what she wants - but she never really wanted that - coughseggscough - i wanna say she's demiromantic & bi - clint is her biggest supporter - started the ace avengers club 🍇🐘👻🐈‍⬛

CLINT BARTON || LEGOLAS - i really can't see a queer clint. i can't - i also don't really see him being that one overinvested ally - he/him, straight, cishetallo - sorry :(

THOR ODINSON || THAT ONE THUNDER DUDE - he comes from asgard, where nobody really sees being queer as different - so when he comes to earth........just imagine his surprise when he finds out about homophobia - he found out when some dudebro was yelling at a girl who seemed like she wanted nothing to do with him - another girl was with them, and she looked like she wanted to kill the guy - thor was confusion - he asked what was going on, and the dudebro said that he caught his sister on a date with another girl - yknow, expecting thor to lash out at the girl - but thor was the exact opposite - he grinned, and congratulated the two on their relationship - WLW FOR THE WIN!! - dudebro started going off on a homophobic rampage - one glare from thor and he nearly shit his pants - and THAT is where thor got his title as protector of lesbians - he/him - tried using thunder based pronouns once but decided it wasn't for him - unlabeled. he thinks human labels are weird

JAMES RHODEY RHODES || WAR MACHINE - is he/him - gay as fucking hell oh my god - literally so gay - GAY MAN OVER HERE - k im done - i'm nearly 100% sure he's graysexual. doesn't really care for sex but if his partner(s) really want it...well, he loves them - probably has to steer tony away from fans all the time at pride - i'm also 100% sure he's down for polyamory. there's too much love for just one person in his heart - qpr with tony

PETER PARKER || SPOODERMAN - TRANS PETER TRANS PETER TRANS PETER!!!!!! - 🏳‍⚧🏳‍⚧🏳‍⚧🏳‍⚧🏳‍⚧🏳‍⚧🏳‍⚧🏳‍⚧🏳‍⚧🏳‍⚧🏳‍⚧🏳‍⚧🏳‍⚧🏳‍⚧🏳‍⚧🏳‍⚧🏳‍⚧🏳‍⚧🏳‍⚧🏳‍⚧🏳‍⚧ - i know it's a really common tumblr headcanon but i FIRMLY support it! FTM - 60% sure that flash bullies peter because he's trans - i mean like it's more believeable than peter being a nerd - prob uses he/him - comes out to tony first, tony buys peter his first binder - may finds out next and she's just so happy. peter asks for name suggestions and she nearly cries - that's how he got his name :) - this kid forgets to take off his binder so often omg - like ned and mj and may MUST REMIND HIM or he'll forget - i feel like he'd be asexual but sex-neutral - doesn't care for it - bi. bi peter parker.

MICHELLE JONES || EMJAY - is enby 💛🤍💜🖤 - ain't no way she's a girl. like ain't no way - uses she/they if asked, but doesn't really give a fuck about pronouns - bisexual with a pref for gals. callin it now

NED LEEDS || NEDANIEL - pretty sure he uses he/they because he like the pronouns - thought that they/them was cool and just decided to use it :D - sweet boi, supports mj and peter sm - buys them pride flags ✨🏳‍🌈✨ - ned literally radiates aroallo energy like cmon - CMON - aroallos are so cool and sexy actually

LOKI LAUFEYSON || LOW KEY LMAO IM SO FUNNY - is genderfluid 💖🤍💜🖤💙 - like this isn't even headcanon fuck off - will use any and all pronouns, at any given time - idk...maybe it's just me but i'm getting MASSIVE asexual vibes - probably sex positive ace - like slay queen - panromantic. like do i even need to explain this

BUCKY BARNES || BUCKET - i will die on they/them bucky hill - and you will see my corpse there - and you will know i was right - unlabeled. doesn't fully understand themself rn, labels will probably make it worse - sam is a huge part of bucky's queer journey - probably uses peter as a queer encyclopedia

SAM WILSON || CHICKEN MAN - gay as freaking hell omfg - that is HOMOSEXUAL MAN RIGHT THERE - he/him - takes bucky to their first pride parade - queer legend - ✨🏳‍🌈✨

VISION || ROBOT MAN - is undecided on gender for now - decides to just use he/him while he figures everything out - i think he figures out that he's asexual real fast. like sex-repulsed - why humans would ever want to have intercourse is beyond him - same, girl, same - but he's definitely omniromantic. he does experience love, albeit a little differently than the rest of society - don't we all...

WANDA MAXIMOFF || WITCHY BITCHY - found out she was a lesbian after a failed date with vision - neither of them felt the attraction that they had before - so yes. gay. sapphic. wlw. - i hate the term but i feel like she would be a lipstick lesbian until she falls for a butch - she/her - has girl nights with her twin - hmm gay - ❤️🧡🤍💖💜

PIETRO MAXIMOFF || SPEEDY BITCHY - they/he/she - genderfluid, is particular about pronouns - like ik people don't really headcanon it but... - cmon. pietro is LIQUID GENDER. - (this also probably stems from my belief that every single fucking speedster is genderfluid no matter what fandom) - sees a pretty dress? will buy two. one for them and one for wanda - he really does slay stilettos tho - i think she's probably gay (mlm) - stfu pietro can be a gay man if they want to - fuck you

T'CHALLA || CATMAN - gay. GAY - he/they icon - wakanda is a safe place for EVERYONE - besides, all the dora milaje are wlw - probably homosexual, like what else would he be - nakia? 99% sure nakia is trans and they're in a qpr - AROACE NAKIA AROACE NAKIA - *aroaces every single character* - fuck yeah gay t'challa

SHURI || GENIUS GIRL - she/xe - sapphic asexual - shuri x riri is the hill i will die on - leaning towards women and fem aligned genders - started first wakandan pride parade - i'm 99% sure she officiated ayo & aneka's wedding - change my mind

STEPHEN STRANGE || DR WIZARD - agender, doesn't see the point in gender most of the time, so they/them/he/him - believes there are three sexes but an infinite amount of genders - demiromantic, demisexual - fight me - is most likely gay 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 - had a qpr with christine before the incident

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

{\__/} ( • . •) / >🏳‍🌈

HAPPY LESBIAN VISIBILITY WEEK!