#<- using that tag since I’m gonna ramble in tags a bit

[altblock-tm]

j. just finished LostBelt 1. hi. <- shaking like a dog

[storieswithvenus]

Honeymoon anxiety - Tyler Owens x Fem! Reader

.*･｡ﾟ☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ

The fire crackles, spitting out small bits caught by the fire guard Tyler had placed in front of it an hour or so ago. you were currently sitting with your recliner up and head in your laptop.

“You know, it would be nice if you spoke to me instead of having your head in the laptop all night”, Tyler's voice gains your attention looking up towards the doorway where he is currently leaning up against, a teasing smile on his face.

“I'm sorry baby, I'm just trying to work out all the plans for our honeymoon, I’m convinced this is harder to plan than the actual wedding.” you speak for the first time in a few hours. you had been sitting researching all these different places across the world to see what would fit yours and Tyler's respected interests.

“I told you, we could just go on a solo storm chasing trip for a few weekends, then we aren’t spending as much money,” your head immediately snaps up to look at him, your eyes narrowing into a glare. “Tyler owens. I told you we are not celebrating our honeymoon by going and storm chasing. We already do that everyday, and you know damn well the gang is gonna turn around and tag along” you spit at him, he knew this was a non-negotiable issue with you.

You watch as he walks into the living room and towards the sofa where you are sitting, Tyler sits beside you and pulls you closer towards him ending with you on his lap facing him.

“I cannot wait to marry you my dear,” he leaves a gentle kiss on your lips, he can taste your vanilla lip balm which causes him to lean in again for a second taste. “I'm sorry I haven't been speaking to you, ty. I'm just so worried we won’t have everything planned and booked before the wedding.” You let your worries out to him, he watches you with the most love ever as you ramble on about the small details which were causing you anxiety. every so often you would feel him squeeze your waist so you knew he was listening to you.

Your wedding has always been made a big deal, even since you were a kid. That was your biggest dream, to marry your prince charming. Tyler had many conversations with your parents, mainly because they gave him the rundown of how you are going to act like when he does propose.

You start to fiddle with your engagement ring, playing and rubbing the small diamond in the middle of the gold ring. You had stated on your first date with Tyler that you only wear gold jewellery and have never been into silver, that was something he has taken a mental note of when you started to get serious - eventually using that to pick out the engagement ring 3 years later.

“Everything will come out perfect my love, stop worrying, we still have 7 months until the big day,” his voice immediately calms you down, his green eyes staring into yours, the love for you shown in the look he is giving you.

“We are still not having the honeymoon in tornado alley though.”

[alieinthemorning]

Low Temperatures [Sylus]

Content: Fluff, Established Relationship, Sick Character, POV Second Person, Reader-Insert

Pronouns: None

Reblogs: Let me know that you enjoy my work and want to see more, so don’t forget to like and reblog (and comment in the tags. I love seeing people’s rambles in the tags)!

This work’s concepts, plot and original characters are my own which means I do not allow any sort of creative theft nor do I allow my work to be entered into any sort of A.I. bots. Thank you for respecting my space and boundaries.

“Why is it so cold in here?” The moment your bare feet grazed the marble floor of Sylus’ room, a sharp chill ran up and down your body.

“Did you know that you should sleep with the room temperature at between sixty and seventy-two degrees?”

“So fucking freezing and freezing?” You padded your way over to the thermostat, turning it up to 75. “Don’t touch it.”

“It’s my thermostat.” You rolled your eyes at Sylus’ pout, heading over to the bed. 

“Well now it’s our thermostat since I’m sleeping in here tonight.” Throwing the covers back, you flopped down.

You should have known simple words wouldn’t have stopped Sylus. You should have walked out the moment he brought up that cold ass “correct” temperature bullshit. All you wanted was sleep, a quick rest, a simple rest of the eyes. But now here you were, cold, cranky, and cuddled up against the culprit. 

“Why is it so fucking cold?” Your voice was rough, you sure were sick. 

“It feels quite comfortable to me.” Despite being burrowed deep in the covers, you could hear the smug smile. “You were holding onto me so tightly…am I to assume it was because you were cold and nothing else?”

“Shut up—” Your words became a wet, garbbed mess of coughs. 

You felt Sylus shift closer. “Are you seriously sick?”

“Did you seriously touch my shit when I told you not to?” Another string of harsh coughs. 

Silence blanketed the room, for once he had nothing to say. You untangled yourself from the blankets, making your way to the thermostat. You could feel Sylus’ gaze on your back, but you ignored it. 

It was at 62 degrees. 

You headed for the door.

He didn’t try to stop you. 

You hated being sick. You hated being away from home, and sick. You especially hated being away from home, sick and living under the same roof as the person who made you sick as a fucking gotcha (or whatever). 

“Man, you’re weak.” 

“Yeah, sixty-two degrees isn’t even all that cold.”

“Get out.” 

You were not in the mood for Luke and Kieran shenanigans because if they were gonna shenan once, they would shenan again.

“No can do.”

“The boss gave us explicit orders to watch over you.” 

You groaned (mistake, turned in another bad cough), and rolled your eyes. “Then watch me quietly. I want to sleep.”

“But you’ve been doing nothing but sleeping this entire time.” Kieran pointed. 

“And that’s boring.” Luke agreed with a nod. 

“Yeah, we should—”

A ping cleared the air, cutting Kieran off. Luke slipped his phone from his pocket, glancing at the message. 

“It’s boss. He wants to see us.” 

“Really? I thought we had the day off.”

“Good, hurry up and don’t come back.” You would have physically pushed them out, but your body was aching, so you hoped a fierce glare was enough to get them moving. 

It wasn’t. They took their sweet ass time leaving your room, but at least they were nice (see: being a nuisance) enough to turn the lights off as they left. 

Finally, peace and quiet. Well, peace, quiet and pain. But with a commentary video on in the background, you were able to lull yourself to sleep. 

The next few days went by slowly, and uneventful. The twins never came back after Sylus had called for them. You were both grateful and a bit annoyed (you would have liked to have a bit of entertainment as you were getting better). Then you were fully recovered, and the twins still hadn’t reared their masked heads. You rolled your eyes, turning on your heel and headed for the reason why.

Entering the room, you immediately beelined it for the thermostat.

It was set to 75 degrees. 

You headed for the bed.

He didn’t try to stop you nor move from his spot.

You snuggle into the bed, happy with the comfort that surrounded you. You were content with the silence, not really expecting him to speak to you, and you weren’t willing to extend the olive branch. But then he spoke,

“I’m sorry.” He sighed, as his book clapped shut. “For disregarding your words, and getting you sick.” 

You let the apology settle in the air for a moment before responding. “I don’t like that you did that—I’ve got a weak constitution.” You paused, toying with your bottom lip. “...but I should have told you that before just changing something and expecting you not to change it back. So I’m sorry too.”

“Now that we’ve both gotten the apologies out of the way,” You felt him lean over you, “Will you return to the bedroom?”  

“Oh? Was someone lonely without me?”

His lips grazed your ear. “Of course I was.”

“Oh.” You shuddered. “What should we do about our loneliness then?”

“I can think of a few things.”

For the first time ever

NSFW Continuation

Everyone thank my friend and Sylus for this.

Ko-Fi | Commission | Masterlist

[thatsatricky1]

𝐒𝐩𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐲 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐬 | 𝐥.𝐦𝐤

“How are you even navigating right now?” Y/n asked out eyes squinting behind her mask as she walked down the street with Mark.

“I’m using my Spidey senses.”

“Right so how is this even working, one shot and you're tipsy and still seeing better than me. Where is the logic in that?” She questioned out, letting her arms raise upwards.

The two of them were walking in their spandex suits outside, not a care in the world considering most people were dressed up tonight, it was Halloween after all. Set on grabbing snacks since the ones at the party were dwindling in amount.

“Again Spidey senses.” Mark’s reply was not helpful in the slightest. Though he did grab her hand to guide her just in case, totally only for that one reason and not because he really wanted to.

Whack!

“Dude! What was that for!?” Mark winced rubbing his shoulder where she’d half heartedly whacked.

“Spidey senses my ass, your mask probably has better seeing stuff then mine.” Y/n huffed out as they walked.

🕷️

Once back at the party and settling the snacks on the table, to which Jisung had already started raiding. Y/n didn’t waste a second in grabbing Mark shoving him upstairs.

“This is moving a bit fast Y/n, I’m flattered and everything but we should really take this step by step. I want to enjoy these kinds of things with you.” Mark flustered as he rambled slightly once they’d stepped into his room.

Y/n pausing turning to look at him, or at least that’s what Mark assumed since her face was currently covered.

“You’re such an idiot sometimes, Mark, a lovable one though.” She huffed out an amused laugh.

Mark only stood there awkwardly in the middle of the room not getting what she was saying.

“Mark, if I don’t change out of this suit soon, my blood circulation is gonna be cut off and I’m gonna pass out.” She tried again gesturing at her spandex suit.

“Um… so you wanna…?” He gestured between them.

“Jesus Mark, the hoodies I’m talking about the hoodies, not going down on you.” She shook her head.

“Oh… Oh! Yeah, right that’s totally what I meant as well.” He cleared his throat stumbling over to his closet to grab out their comfy clothes they’d planned to wear at the end of the party, his cheeks red from a mixture of alcohol and embarrassment.

She only shook her head amused watching him fumble around in the closet.

Once the two of them were dressed in their hoodies that were also on them and taking a few pictures, Mark moved to grab the door handle ready to get back downstairs but was stopped last second.

“If you remember this tomorrow, ask me.”

Mark only blinked at that as he asked out a quick “What?” Looking lost as ever.

“Tomorrow. Ask me out.” She repeated more clearly.

“Bro…” was the only thing he managed to let out flustered once again.

“And the moment is gone.” She patted his shoulder walking out.

𝐓𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭: @rotinyzen @wonyoungmywife @snflwrhaerecs4u @thegreenlynx @serinebsblog @delululi @molensworld @morkiee @marvelahsobx @kaciebello @kgneptun @bluedbliss @haechansbbg @officiallyjaehyuns @bunnychui @audreybub 

(This Taglist is used for all my nct context so if you’d like to be tagged in my nct content please comment or write to me to be added)

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: Mark has a short one sorry bout that my brain is mush at the moment. Also did you pick mark first 👀

𝐁𝐨𝐨 𝐂𝐫𝐞𝐰:

Tap

𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭:

Tap

[penaconys-hound]

Obligatory RP Blog intro post

(Warning: Contains Spoilers for the end of 2.1 and 2.2 and was initially created before 2.2)

———

Making a drink is a sensory skill. In dreams, creating fizzy concoctions requires adding a bit of your mood. Heavier if you're troubled, a touch sweeter if you're in high spirits... It's not just about mixing beverages. It's about mixing the experiences of life.

Gallagher's the name, I'm one of the local "Hounds" around here. Step into Penacony, the Land of Dreams, Nameless one.

Tired? Just find a place to sit and rest for a while. Let’s have a talk and I’ll mix something up for you.

But a few words of advice…

Don’t get lost in dreams, and not everything’s as it seems.

Guidelines, Key, Tags and Notes from the mod:

Guidelines:

-Fellow RP Blogs are allowed, uh hiii Star Rail RP community

-This is my first RP Blog after like a year or so (previous ones just died) so I may be rusty so apologies for that -Using tonetags would be appreciated, not required but appreciated, especially if you say something that could come off as rude but you don’t mean it in that tone, the mod can’t read tone through text.

-SFW only please, Suggestive themes are allowed with a warning however

-Gore’s on the table though, but only if the meme gets involved, or you somehow get a good reason for it, I don’t think Gallagher would just maul you out of nowhere- However since this takes place in the dreamscape blood will be described as water and that’s all that’s gonna spill out-

-Shipping is allowed, I’ll allow any ship unless it’s pr*ship or with Sunday, with the former it’s obvious on why I wouldn’t, gross. You’ll get hit on the offense side of Gallagher’s Ultimate if you try that.

But on Galladay it’s simply cause I’m just not super comfortable with Gallagher x Sunday-

But yeah, as long as you’re follow the shipping rules the sky’s the limit, especially since I see Gallagher as bi

-Mod uses the CDT Timezone and is in education, but otherwise doesn’t have a life, and also has adhd with rapid changing hyperfixations so answer times can range from a minute to over a week

-Anything related to, but not limited to, racism, homophobia/transphobia, sexism, ableism, etc. Is not allowed here.

I’m serious if you come into the askbox with that you’ll get the “Dog” after you:

-Anons are welcome, you can even have a custom tag if you use a sign off and show up enough

-Magic Anons are allowed however only one can be active at a time and they have a 2-5 ask cooldown depending on what the effects where

-You can technically also ask the Meme on this blog, but don’t expect it to say anything other then *STABS YOU STABS YOU STABS YOU STABS YO

Key:

“ “ (Just plain text): Dialogue

“ “ (Same as above but in bold)/“ “ (Purple bold text): (what’s used is dependent on what’s exactly being said) Dialogue where Gallagher puts on his Reaper Robe

(The text for that was originally red however I changed it to purple for two reasons: Reason one being in the lore Acheron uses Red text sometimes and I think it’d be weird if I interacted with an Acheron and she also used red text,

and I changed it to purple specifically cause it matches Sleepie)

“* *” (Asterisks around text): Action/Movement

“// //“ (Two slashes around text): OOC/Mod talking

Tags:

#🥃bartenders rambles : In character posts/asks

#🐺barred fangs : In character posts/asks when Gallagher is playing the role of “The Reaper/Death”

#🌀don’t fear the reaper. : Fanart reblog tag

#👁️ The Dog. : Mentions/Discussion of the Memory Zone Meme “Something Unto Death”/“Sleepie”

#🐾mods yapping : Posts from the mod/OOC posts, not counting OOC moments in the tags of ask posts

#💫care for a drink under the stars? : Interaction reblogs/RPs, whatever with fellow Honkai: Star Rail RP blogs, can be in or out of character

#🪶hounds prey : Interactions with Sunday and/or Robin/Mentions of Sunday and/or Robin

#🧹the bellboy : (there was no mop emoji) Interactions with Misha/Mentions of Misha

(Tags may be added for specific characters and art RBs if I decide to do that, but for now that’s the tags)

Anon Tags:

#🍸 anon

#🥂 anon

#🍀 anon

Side Notes:

-If you’re wondering on the Mod’s pronouns if you didn’t read the bio, the Mod uses Any/All pronouns (like he/she/they/it etc. Idrc-)

-This will include headcanons, if it wasn’t obvious from the “I see Gally as Bi” comment

-It could possibly get OOC at times while I’m in character, I made the blog before 2.2, but I’m trying to stick to the character as well as I can, and if 2.2 changes his character again I’ll attempt to pull something to fit with that

-Mod will refer to himself ether as “The Mod” or “Mod Werewolf”

Other Blogs the Mod Runs if you’d like to check those out:

(disclaimer they’re not all gonna be for the same fandom in the future)

@the-coolest-character-in-hsr (Hanu from Honkai: Star Rail)

@trash-president-real (Trash President (OC) Honkai: Star Rail)

Anyways hope you enjoy the blog, and avoid getting stabbed by the meme

[littleholmes]

ohhhhhhhhh snap and holy smokes, there’s a lot in the short amount of text in this chapter!

1. First, Sukuna knows/recognizes/understands Yuji and what he is and where—rather who—he comes from

I guess since Yuji was his vessel he wasn’t able to get a full understanding of Yuji’s lineage and him being Choso’s little bro as a cursed womb painting, but now that he’s out of Yuji, he can see it all—and whew he wasn’t quite ready for it. Right before this, Sukuna was kinda puzzled by Yuji’s strength…and then he realized. He recognized that Yuji is potentially a product of what I affectionally call Kenjaku’s asshole era (though he has a couple of those) and knew Kenjaku has something to do with Yuji. Which brings me to the second thing

2. He, Ryomen, the ‘King of Curses’, Sukuna, is disgusted (or at least grossed out) by Kenjaku’s actions

Apparently Sukuna has a line that even he won’t cross and Kenjaku crossed it (and apparently crosses it frequently since he said grossest things, which implies Kenny does gross shit all the time or at least on a regular enough basis that he knows the horrible history). Sukuna maybe said it with a touch of admiration, but mostly it read in a way that was like, as messed up as he is himself, there’s things even he won’t do, and Kenjaku is the type to do them—

Which is wild to me, because you have to do some really messed up things for the King of Curses to say you do gross things. And we know Kenjaku is bad and he’s done messed up and gross things but like dude is apparently even worse than what we know, and has done things so incredibly awful and obscene and horrible that even Sukuna is like yikes.

I’m rambling but whether his comment is in admiration or disgust or a bit of both, it’s clear from Sukuna’s words that Kenjaku is worse than him. Which, while I’m comparing Sukuna and Kenjaku, brings me to the third thing.

3. Megumi is pulling a Suguru and is taking back control of his body

Kenjaku may be using Suguru as a vessel, but during Shibuya he tried to regain control for a brief second after Satoru tried speaking directly to Suguru (remember the whole, you’re just gonna let him use you like that comment and Suguru’s movement against Kenjaku’s wishes?). The same is happening with Sukuna to Megumi, except since Megumi is still alive he’s fighting back harder than Suguru’s residuals. And he’s fighting so intensely that he’s impacting his energy output so he can’t attack Yuji as hard as he wants.

Megumi said ‘not today’ and Sukuna, for what it’s worth, kinda doesn’t seem too mad about it. And I wouldn’t be surprised if he was expecting him to fight back. After all, he’s against Megumi before and knows what he’s capable of (kid’s a Zen’in after all) and what he’s like when he’s in fighting for his friends, but especially Yuji.

idk I’m rambling but whew this chapter had some interesting points and I’m tagging in my friend @theanimepsychologist in case I missed anything, but I can’t wait to see what comes next

[squidflavoredsoup]

// ROOMIE CIPHER RELATED

this is gonna be a little long

first off uhhh sup

haven’t talked abt roomie cipher in a min

imma be honest w y’all my life is kinda EFFED UP rn so my motivation fer certain tasks n projects has been kinda ass

i won’t go into details it’s kinda a “just so ya know”

anyway responding to this comment but in a post so y’all can see and i can use this to talk abt some other stuff too ⬇️⬇️

im working on it!

i know i say that a lot n then never actually post the next part blehhh but i’m being fr this time

it’s kinda like when u start smth n then u really look at it n u realize u kinda hate what ur drawing? yeah it’s been like that

n also the roomie cipher drawings take FOREVERRRR to make but i wanna keep making stuff for it so i’ve kinda come up with a system???

im gonna try to make it a weekly thing rather than a daily one like when i first started the series

im thinking one full drawing of bill in the real life setting and then a little comic as like n extra cuz i’ve said before that i wanted to do comics so y’all get more content

but hopefully later today or tomorrow i’ll post the next part

since i post two parts at a time here n on tt u can follow my twt or my bsky if u don’t wanna wait for the two parts at once— so pretty much: i post a part every week on twt and bsky, and i post two parts every other week on tt n tumblr, tho tt n tumblr get more lore stuff

ALSO ALSO

i wanna share a fan theory i got a little while ago bc it made my day :)

if u hv any theories u wanna share, or if u wanna make ur own ver of the au like in ur own house or like fan creations ( i saw someone made a bot based off of the au :0 ) pls share it w me or like tag me! i would love to see all the cool stuff y’all come up w!!! :)

also srry if i sound like i’m rambling a bit i’m still kinda waking up lawl

ANYWAY ANYWAY THATS ALL BYEEEEEE

[herofics]

Stressed and tired, with Geto and Gojo comfort

I was considering writing smut, but I ended up deciding against it and just doing some fluff. I really wanted to write some GetoxreaderxGojo and this seemed like a good idea. It's in a situation where Geto never went rogue, and they're around 28 years old, so about where the anime started. I just needed some comfort I guess, I’m tired and sleep deprived so I apologize if this is a bit of a ramble. I’m gonna tag the things in this AU something like “good Geto AU”, because there’s probably gonna be more. Also feel free to send more JJK requests if you have ideas :D

“Baby, you need to get some rest. Come on, we’re going to sleep too” Gojo sighed.

“I can’t yet, I need to finish writing this” you muttered, staring at your laptop intensely.

“Alright, we’re taking drastic action” Geto groaned while pinching the bridge of his nose and shaking his head, before grabbing your laptop, clicking on something on the screen and closing it.

“I really hope that was you saving my work” you glared at him.

“It was” Geto said, placing the laptop on the coffee table. “Satoru isn’t right very often, but he is about this. You need some sleep”

“Hey! I’m always right” Gojo argued.

You snickered tiredly, while Geto rolled his eyes at him, before offering his hand to you and pulling you up from the couch. You wobbled a bit while you were standing, so Gojo picked you up and started carrying you to the bedroom bridal style, with Geto following on his heels.

“I can walk on my own” you protested, but just leaned your head against his chest and closed your eyes.

You were really tired, it’s not like you didn’t know that, but you had work to do. Your resolve melted away quite quickly as you snuggled against Gojo’s chest. You just couldn’t be bothered to resist your boyfriends. They meant well and just wanted to take care of you, so who were you to deny them that.

“To bed we go” Gojo said and kissed the top of your head.

Gojo set you on the bed, and pulled off your jeans and socks, as you tiredly struggled to get your hoodie off.

“Can you help me? I’ve got no strength left” your voice was muffled by the hoodie since your head was inside of it.

“Are you ready to admit you need sleep?” you heard Geto’s voice say.

“Yes” you said reluctantly from inside the hoodie.

“Good” Geto said with a self-satisfied smirk as he pulled the hoodie off you.

“Thank you” you yawned.

You wiggled to the end of the bed where the pillows were and buried your head in the pillow you liked to sleep on, as the two men climbed into bed on both sides of you.

Gojo wrapped his arms around you just under your chest from behind you and snuggled his face into your hair. Geto wrapped his arms around your waist and buried his face to your chest. While you felt very safe and loved, you were also very warm. You didn’t mind though, it was nice to have them so close. At least you knew they were at home and safe, and not on some mission getting themselves hurt.

For some reason, all the times they’d come home hurt and all the times you’d had to wake them up from nightmares came rushing back to your mind. You just wanted to go to sleep, you didn’t need to start crying right now. Apparently that wasn’t for you to decide though, because you started sniffling and you couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. The reaction was probably caused by the fact that you were so very stressed and tired, and just couldn’t hold it in anymore.

“What’s wrong love?” Geto asked, raising his head from your chest and creating a bit of distance between you and him so he could look you in the eyes.

“What’s got you so upset baby?” Gojo asked softly.

“I need to sleep, I’m just tired” you tried to bury your face in your pillow.

“You don’t need to lie to us” Geto said and placed a hand on your cheek, to stop you from crying into the pillow.

“Yeah, we’re here for you” Gojo chimed in.

“I know, I know, I just don’t feel like talking about it, it’s not something you can change anyway” you sniffled.

It’s not like the two of the strongest sorcerers could just quit. They were needed, and they did so much good, you just wished they wouldn’t have to risk their lives doing it.

Geto and Gojo looked at each other for a while. Neither of them wanted to push you, especially since you were already exhausted, but they would have liked to know what had made you so upset.

“When you’re ready to talk about it, just come to us, okay?” Geto said with an assurring smile, brushing his thumb over your cheek, and pressing a kiss on your forehead.

“Yeah, I’m sure we can figure something out together” Gojo muttered against your neck, before peppering a few kisses on your neck and shoulder.

“I love you both so much” you sniffled.

“I love you too (Name)” Geto smiled softly.

“Aren’t you forgetting about someone, Su-gu-ru?” you could hear that annoying smirk in Gojo’s voice and in the way he said Geto’s name.

“And I love you as well, Satoru” Geto sighed and hung his head, but you could see his lips draw into a small smile.

“I love you both too” Gojo laughed, before reaching his arms over you and pulling Geto closer so you were pinned between them, while he embraced you both.

You felt better. Your worries hadn’t exactly eased, but for now you were only feeling warm and so very loved. You could at least sleep a bit easier tonight, knowing the two people you loved were both there with you. 

[eilaafterhours]

Wrapped Around Your Fingers [Ais]

Content: Box Au, Switching POVs, Reader is a BAMF, Smut, Sexual Tension, Grinding, Thigh Fucking, Possessive Ais (TOUCHSTARVED), Written Before Game’s Full Release, Reader-Insert

Pronouns: None (AFAB)

Continuation of: Heart on Your Sleeve, Jaw on My Knuckles [Ais]

Reblogs: Let me know that you enjoy my work and want to see more, so don’t forget to like and reblog (and comment in the tags. I love seeing people’s rambles in the tags)!

This work’s concepts, plot and original characters are my own which means I do not allow any sort of creative theft nor do I allow my work to be entered into any sort of A.I. bots. Thank you for respecting my space and boundaries.

Just as he thought, a cold shower didn’t cut it. However, when he did say fuck it, and let go, it didn’t work. Yeah, he came (more times than he wanted to admit), but that didn’t stop his mind from wandering. From remembering things that happened under a new…sexual lens, or making up completely new things. 

Like you putting him in his place (which wasn’t too far from what you already did, but he wouldn’t mind if you got more handsy with him).

Alright! That’s enough thinking for tonight! He needed another shower and to hit the damn hay. 

Ais did not sleep well that night (he came a few more times in the shower, and attempted to go to bed with a raging hard-on). 

The days flew by, and it was like he hadn’t been jerking off to you every night. It was a miracle that he was able to act like his mind wasn’t full of filth. He guessed that since your regular business attitude was rubbing off on him.

(But what if you treated him like that in be—)

Alright, that’s it! He needed to go blow off some steam (and train).

Your brows pinched together as you watched Ais jump up from his desk, snatch his duffle bag, and fly out the room. He had been acting weird these past few days. He kept his distance, didn’t make the childish-ass jokes he used to, and would leave the room multiple times a day. There was only one answer.

Mans had it BAD for you. 

You smirked to yourself as you continued working. Finally, you weren’t the only one feeling something. Despite your completely perfect work ethic, you still could see that Ais was an insanely attractive man. You were never going to pursue anything, let it be a fleeting thing until someone else came through (as if there could be anyone other than him(well there was Ocudeus—). However, with the new development of his feelings for you, things have taken a turn. 

Boss made a dollar, you made a dime. Time to hatch a plot on company time.

To be honest, you didn’t have to do much. Turn up the charm a bit, dress a little more “I’m fucking my boss” casual, and tug his leash a bit more. 

“Ais, this is the fifth time you’ve gotten up.” You hadn’t even looked up at him, fingers still flying across the keyboard. “Sit your firm ass down.” 

He did as was told, but slump down with his head on the desk. 

“Cute.”, you thought. He was that big, but nothing but a soft dork. 

Soon to be your dork, hopefully. 

Probably. 

He lifted his head up, turning his attention back to his own work. The raging blush and hopping knee both telling you:

Definitely. 

Ais had absolutely no clue how he ended up in this situation. 

“Are you gonna keep breathing down my neck, or are you gonna do something, Ais?” 

“I’d go beat that bastard up now,” His hands were on your waist, threatening to go lower. “If it didn’t end up looking bad for you.” 

“Then you need to make it quick.” Was your answer.

But he sure as hell wasn’t asking any questions. 

His hands, that had been creeping, immediately went for your belt buckle to work your pants off. You helped him with it, but stopped him before he could really get his hands on you.

“Stay outside. I don’t want to take your dick for the first time here, of all places.”

He nodded his head, shoving your pants and underwear down to your knees. “Whatever you say, beautiful.” 

“Ais…”

“I’m being serious.” He was sure you were glaring at him through the mirror, but he was too busy looking at your dripping cunt.

You spread your legs for him. “Well then, hurry up. The match starts in ten minutes.” 

Yeah, and if he didn’t feel you soon, he was gonna burst just from looking at you. Regardless, though, he was going to commit all of this to memory.

“Damn, you’d think you’re the one who’s needy here.” He had freed himself from his shorts and boxers, and quickly placed himself against your slick. “Oh, wait, you are.”

“Just…mmh, shut up and get me off.”

He didn’t say anything, just started grinding into you. He relished in the way his pelvis smacked against your ass and thighs, and how each stroke became smoother as your arousal coated his cock.

But he wanted more.

So once you were both slick enough, he instructed you to close your thighs tight, and to hang on to something. 

And he went to town on you. 

If anyone else hard the vanity banging against the wall, no they didn’t.

Everything that went on in this room was meant for the two of you alone. For him, it was how you tried your best to stay quiet, to keep your eyes from rolling back, and the feeling of your thighs quivering as they attempted to stay closed. He was sure that despite everything you were feeling, you were committing things to memory yourself. 

“Ah—mh…Ais—” Your thighs slammed close as you came.  Ais was already on edge as well, so when you pulled his dick into an even tighter grip, he came as well. 

Now the room was quiet, except for the both of your labored breath.

Until your phone’s alarm went off, signalling that he had a minute to get out there.

You were the first to move away, reaching for your bag. He sighed as he adjusted himself. He really hated how things ended there. It made him feel gross, like he just used you for himself.

“The quicker you finish the match, the quicker we can get back to your place.” 

“Then you better be ready in twenty, sweet cheeks.” 

At this point, Ais couldn’t even remember what his issue Ocudeus even was. It really was as simple as beat his ass, then go home with you.

“You think you’re slick, but I know you. I know that stupidass dopey face. So, what’d that bitch do? Gave you head, or what?” He smirked, attempted to cut him with a right cross, “I doubt it, though. Rather be choking on my dick instead.”

Oh, yeah. It was his fucking mouth (amongst many other things).

He socked him a good one. Didn’t knock him on his ass like he wanted, but hey, he still had another six minutes to fuck with him before he needed to be back with you.

The car ride to Ais’ place was quiet. You can tell that there was some anger simmering within him. Ocudeus probably had said something to him, probably about you and him.

Oh well! You (and your pussy) would help him realize that whatever the fuck that loser said wasn’t worth it.

And it didn’t take long for you to get started on that because the moment he locked the door, his hands were on you. 

Your lips curled upward as he shoved your bottoms down. “Guess we’re not making it to the bedroom.” Your smile widen as his gaze found your little surprise. “But it’s okay because we can skip the foreplay.”

Ais sighed something fierce, then he looked you in the eyes. “I promise to do this right another time.”

You pushed your bottoms down the rest of the way and stepped out of them. “Of course you will. You always keep your promises, Ais.”

:) So, I was told (THE VOICES) to leave it there, so I guess I'll see y'all in another part lol

If you wanna hear me be on some shit, here's my Bluesky~

Masterlist

[roserefrain]

“A Cage Full Of Oxygen” - Linnet Playlist

spotify - youtube

canary in a coal mine - the crane wives / the world is smiling on me - ferry / lose your head - vane / magical girl and chocolate - pinocchio-p / pathological facade - ghost / mrs. bluebeard - they might be giants / philippians 3:20-21 - the mountain goats / heel turn 2 - the mountain goats / heat abnormal (cover) - luvp / rookie - deco27 / getting into knives - the mountain goats / 100 epitaphs - ferry

welcome to under the cut where my very long notes on why I chose these songs live. there’s also links to lyrics for all of these songs down here, since some aren’t in english!

initial things! the order does matter to me (it turns from a delwyn playlist to a linnet playlist), which is why I’ve included a youtube link as well! since spotify without premium always does shuffle. also. the spotify playlist adds 4 songs that are not part of the playlist. plz ignore those ones. we should all explode spotify with our minds :)

the title and image come from the device known as a canary resuscitator. this was a cage that could be filled with oxygen, saving a coal mine canary once it had started to die. (delwyn/linnet is the canary, becoming a songbird was being resuscitated. you get it)

oh btw these notes do assume some amount of familiarity with linnet's general lore and might be a bit hard to follow without that! here is his about page if u need that, u can probably just skim the backstory bit and be good.

canary in a coal mine - this is a delwyn song to me. a song about how he feels his only use to the people around him is his blessing, going into the dungeons and getting hurt. fun fact! for a while I considered making the linnet/kestrel tag “friends of empty graves” which is a bit from this song! I ended up not going with it, but in my head that’s still a good line for delwyn/blaidd what with the whole. coming back from the dead thing.

the world is smiling on me - another delwyn song ! the idea of the world, sky, and god smiling on someone, but still having basically nothing good to say felt fitting. also “I cursed the love I’ll never get back” leading into the chorus of the world smiling on them very much makes me think of blaidd and delwyn’s fight leading delwyn back into the dungeons to prove his blessing. this is one of those ones that is just mostly vibe based. please note the line “I pick the scab under my hair”. it is a surprise tool that will help us later.

lose your head - the delwyn song of all time, though this is the first of them that is both a delwyn song And a linnet song! it switches between the two, since it’s a song reflecting on memories. this. whole thing fits so well for him but I wanna highlight two specific lyrics.

“bleeding through the rubble, scared of causing trouble, knowing that the house of god was built upon the martyr’s claws”

“I’m not gonna lie, I’m pissed that god made me this way in a morbid exchange of theatrics and heavenly fate.”

magical girl and chocolate - another delwyn song !! this one is about not wanting to be a magical girl anymore and wishing you could just use that magic to protect the people you care about. I do not need to elaborate.

pathological facade - for the lyrics being (as described by the person who made the song) “a stream of thoughtless rambling” they sure do fit for delwyn and linnet! I’ll highlight a few here !

“a couple years ago I was told that I would be a miracle, something theoretical I guess.” (delwyn’s blessing)

“you’re crying as you call out, halt, and move on without someone that you think a lot about.” (delwyn and blaidd’s big fight)

“sunday was jarringly redone, a faulty illusion. the ending left misunderstood amnesia for a diorama love. who will I become?” (delwyn becoming linnet)

mrs. bluebeard - this song in my brain leads from delwyn and blaidd’s big fight, to delwyn and blaidd dying, to coming back as linnet! a very bitter song about feeling betrayed and dying even though you thought you did everything right. he’s directing it at blaidd, at the townspeople who claimed he was blessed, and at himself.

philippians 3:20-21 - delwyn death song ! mainly from the perspective of people he knew in the town. specifically the first but feels relevant.

“the path to the awful room that no one will sleep in again was lit for one man only, gone where none can follow him.” (I feel like the townspeople would stop sending anyone to the dungeons after delwyn’s death, and kind of. disregard blaidd’s death.)

heel turn 2 - WE’RE FINALLY OUT OF DELWYN TOWN. sort of ! this song is delwyn becoming linnet in both a literal sense and an emotional sense. throwing away his perfect blessed hero persona so that he can figure out who he is and so that he doesn’t stay dead. finally allowing himself to be mean and wrong and imperfect, with the repeating line of “I don’t wanna die in here”. yea. (also the instrumental goes like. 3 minutes after the lyrics stop? mountain goats why did you do that)

heat abnormal - LINNET TOWNNN. I really like this song just for the setting of songbirds in general, and specifically this english cover. a lot of the imagery lines up with things talked about in songbirds 3e! but specifically for linnet, I think this represents well the like. panic and trauma of suddenly coming back to life with no memories and weird ass powers, trying to piece together what your life was based on the feelings that remain.

I especially like this bit for him, “a blinding light was seared into my eyes, the bells of departure toll in the sky. the history built by a godly hand shoved an answer in my mouth that broke apart and turned to sand”

rookie - this song to me is sort of touching on linnet’s internal feelings of the facade he uses to interact with people vs his true self. he realizes that his facade can be useful, but he feels completely stuck in it, and wants to just say fuck it and act however he wants. (“gotta act all cutesy again, man, what a funny joke, not!”)

basically him learning to be more comfortable with dropping his mask and telling people off if he needs to. (“giving the cold shoulder to everything, how totally rock is that?”)

also I think linnet would maybe get tattoos as he has his character development ! not 100% sure about it, but I like the idea of him trying to look more punk for a while to get people to take him more seriously, and then realizing that’s just. putting on a different mask.

getting into knives - I think a quiet, calm sort of revenge song is fitting for linnet. he does feel a lot of anger for how his past went, (even as he can’t remember it), but as he figures himself out it turns to a sort of quiet rage. he knows somewhere deep down that he was failed by pretty much every adult in his life at every turn, and he refuses to forgive them for that. he’s getting into knives, and he’s not going to let himself be hurt again, even if he doesn’t have a direct target to point that anger towards.

100 epitaphs - we’re finally at. the last song. the culmination of all the different facets of linnet ! this song to me is linnet reflecting on everything, and realizing that he ultimately, is both a completely different person than delwyn, and is still the same person. and sort of accepting that and allowing himself to move on from it, no longer wanting to focus on the past (or read an epitaph)

also. do you remember that surprise tool that would help us later. the line from the world is smiling on me “I picked the scab beneath my hair”. 100 epitaphs has the line “what’s the point of picking at your wounds, your scratches and your scars?”

yes I did do that one on purpose ! it’s a lot of the reason why I included both these songs together here, instead of putting 100 epitaphs on the linnet/kestrel playlist. it shows the difference between linnet and delwyn, how linnet is ready to move past his old pain, and how the picked scab has become a scar with time.

have some other lines I wanted to highlight cuz they’re really good for linnet.

“overindulgence in grief is only immature, forgetfulness if both the sickness and the cure. lay your emotion with them like a mourning wreath. I chose to shut my eyes, you chose to bear your teeth.”

“a helpless child the same as before, I grip its neck and reach my hand for the door.”

“don’t make me laugh, I will not read your lousy epitaph, who do you take me for?”

JEEZ. if you read all this. thank u. I love talking about how songs fit for characters. grabs ur hands and spins around joyfully. I might update this playlist in the future if I find a song that Really fits for it, and if I do I’ll probably add some notes down here for it. that is all for now ! expect the linnet/kestrel ship playlist to be soon.

[victimeyez]

Happy Birthday 🎂🥳🎁 (I also have a September birthday so I think that’s neat)

I think overall, the thing about p/v that keeps me hooked is the intensity of the whump. I’ve read other whump stories before and while what the characters go through in them is horrible, I’ve yet to find another character that goes through the kind of stuff Tommy does. The man’s life is just brutal, and as a avid horror fan I find that deeply compelling. I want him to one day get his final girl moment, even though I read early on that it’s probably not gonna happen.

I think the two whump moments that stand out the most for me so far are the meat hooks and the use of Agent Orange. The meat hooks scene was such a intense body horror moment it almost made me think about quitting, but I also couldn’t get it out of my head. I had to know what was gonna happen next to this poor dude. By contrast, the Agent Orange bit had me thinking to myself, “whelp Tommy and Caius better pray that stuff wasn’t real, otherwise their both dying of cancer lol”

Anyways I’ve rambled on enough. I hope you enjoy your birthday and that you get to do something fun with the people you love. (Tommy sure won’t lol)

Thank you, and happy birthday to you too!!!

Ooh, where to start. A few years ago, I discovered a writer online that wrote the most brutal content I had ever read. To this day, she makes my writing here look quite tame. We bonded over a mutual fandom that was difficult to find content for. One thing led to another, and I ended up helping write and edit her first original book.

I’’d never had someone before that I could talk to about enjoying really twisted stories. I was always admonished for a blossoming interest in horror by my mom, who believes horror is the work of the devil. It is still hard for me to share darker ideas. I get nervous about being judged for going too far, being too much of a freak. 

A big part of what made me decide to write Pro Vic with the design it has is that I wanted to be able to explore lots of different whump scenarios, without things getting too stale of the same things over and over. I have fun with Caius, but I can also explore whatever other forms I want to with clients in my own version of a monster-of-the-week formatting lol. Plus I can throw in extra time with Sam, or Rory, or Michelle, orrrrr whatever! As for the meat hooks and agent orange - Once again, I am sorry, and you are welcome lol. Can I blame Dead by Daylight and weirdly specific Vietnam War nightmares?

I love me a final girl! I actually have a shirt that says FINAL BOY in bloody letters lol. 

I have a long game in mind. Tommy is going through it – that’s not going to stop any time soon. But without wanting to say too much - Tommy has a future ahead of him where he plays a very different role...👀

I cannot tell you how much it blows my mind that people are actually reading this. I’m grateful for the readership, the notes, the tags, everything, I read them all a thousand times and lay on my bed kicking my feet while I write about it in my diary. Okay maybe not literally that, but mentally that is where I am. Getting to be the random person that wrote something you find compelling is the greatest badge of honor in my life. That’s not a joke. Sharing my creative passions has been the one thing I have known I wanted since I was three years old. When I was sitting on the floor of the kitchen, banging pots and pans together for drums and screaming my best “opera”.

[bawltongue]

ROOMMATES - Pt 2

(jonathan davis x stealth transmasc reader <on t, post op top surgery>. takes place in early 90s, very beginning of korn. reader gets notice by landlord that they will have to share their space with a new roommate- that being jd. despite the readers initial lack of excitement, they get to know each other and develop a mutual liking)

18+ !!!!!!!

warning: substance use, lots of swearing, sexual tension, general faggotry

The morning following your tender night with Jon, you were awoken by the feeling of him unconciously slinging his leg over you. You were completely entangled in his grasp; arms clasped around your chest, leg slung over yours, the sound of his soft snores against the back of your head. Entrapped, yet you didn’t mind one bit. You were beaming uncontrollably before you were even fully concious. It felt so good to know someone you liked so much felt the same way about you. You laid in his clutches for a few extra minuets until the heat from his body and the blankets became a bit too much, causing you to try your best to inch away without waking him. The moment you slipped out from his arms, he whined drowsily.

“Mmm, no…” he groaned out in a sleepy, raspy voice. Eyes still closed. “Come back.”

You let out a light chuckle, turning toward him to see him sprawled out and half asleep still. His long, thin limbs outstretched toward you in an awkward position. “Sleep… please, Y/N.…” He muttered out. He looks so fucking cute. You couldn’t stop staring at him. His chest hair poking out of the top of the blanket, dreads messily encompassing his face, his stubble coming through.

“I want to, Jon… but I think you’re forgetting you have rehearsal today. Remember? I uh, wanted to tag along this time.”

He perked up a little and rolled onto his stomach groggily, holding his chin up with his hand and opening his eyes to look at you. A sliver of light that shone in through a broken blind lit his tired eyes up and made them appear like they were almost sparkling. It gave you butterflies to be making eye contact. You just found him to be so beautiful; and now you can allow yourself to express it as such. Leaning over the bed, you planted a soft kiss on his forehead.

“You’re finally gonna come?” He grinned showcasing his signature crooked teeth.

“Mhm. I’ve wanted to since you brought it up, I just never went ‘cause I didn’t wanna seem annoying.” You went over to your closet and started shifting through clothes, trying to find something subtly cool enough to impress his bandmates. He sighed, upset slightly that you would’ve ever thought he’d find you annoying.

“Anyways, it’s already like, two. I dunno what time-“

“Oh shit!” Jon sprung up clumsily and shoved his face into the clock on your dresser. “Fuck, okay, get dressed quick. We gotta bounce ASAP.”

He zipped past you and into the living room where his things were to throw on some random articles of clothing. You could hear him cursing under his breath from your room while you got changed. It was stressing you out a bit. Jonathan hadn't particularly struck you to be the most punctual guy. You grabbed your wallet and keys before walking out into the living room to catch up with him. With a death grip on your wrist, he pulled you outside and to his car. On the drive there, he was rambling about the songs they were writing, his bandmates and how they met, breaking down their personalities for you so you weren’t thrown for a loop. He was clearly teeming with nervous excitement to finally have you witness him sing with his band.

“Do you think your friends will like me?” You quietly asked, bouncing your leg with anxiety.

“Of course they fuckin’ will! ‘Cause I like you.” He raised his eyebrows and smiled at you, momentarily taking his eyes off the road to reassure you. “You’re likable… and cool. If anything, I’m more worried that you won’t like them.” He came to a harsh break at a stop sign and turned toward you, a soft and sympathetic expression on his face. “You’re gonna do fine. I know you get anxious about social stuff, but I promise. They’re just a couple ah weird dudes. It’ll be like chillin with a bunch of monkeys that play instruments and drink beer.” He beat his chest and howled like an ape to make you laugh; it worked.

For the remainder of the car ride, he held your hand in his, intertwining your fingers and rubbing his thumb across your knuckles. Initially you were hesitant to be the one to grab his hand, but he shamelessly snatched yours up once he saw your fingers twitch. The sweaty palms didn’t deter him from wanting to keep your fingers laced as long as possible. The two of you pulled up into the driveway of a relatively small home. The garage was wide open, revealing three men sitting in a circle drinking beers around various instruments. The one who had a series of braids sticking out of his head stood up and waved cartoonishly with both arms.

“JOOOON! YOU’RE LATE, BITCH!” He ran up to the car and beat on the drivers’ side window. Jon turned toward you, quickly uttering “That’s Brian” before opening up the car door and embracing his friend. You felt your heart rate increase at the thought of interacting with a new group of people. All you could do is stand by the car and silently observe. They briefly caught up and exchanged friendly banter. You were trying to learn their names through the conversation.

“Where’s Fieldy, ya’ll?” Jon questioned.

“Muthafuckin’ late again of course.” The one Jon had referred to as David responded, a wide cheeky grin on his face. Jon was so stressed out about being late, but the guys didn’t really seem to care nearly as much as he did.

“It’s cool, we’ve just been cracking into the beers he left last sesh until you guys showed up. Here.” The one with dreads slurred out, handing a beer to Jon. “Hey man, want one?” He gestured toward you, holding a can and smiling sweetly. It snapped you out of your silent observation and you walked toward him, forcing a smile on your face as you grabbed it. “Thanks brother, I appreciate it.”

“No prob man. Names’ James, but you can call me Munky.” He drunkenly fist bumped the hand you had clasped over your beer. “That goofy motherfucker is Head, and that’s David.” He pointed to his friends who both enthusiastically waved at you. Jon was smiling uncontrollably as he pulled up a chair behind you for you to sit in and join.

“Cool. M’ names Y/N. It’s dope to finally meet you guys.” You nodded your head and cracked your beer open, taking a seat. Jonathan sat on the ground criss cross between you and Head.

“We know. Jon talks about you like, a lot. Woulda assumed he was tuggin’ on your nuts behind the scenes.-”

“Oh yeah, we go at it fuckin’ hard.” Jon smacked Heads’ shin making a goofy expression. “Shut the hell up before I tug your nuts.” You couldn’t suppress the heat in your face. It was really cute that Jon talked about you so much to his closest friends. You laughed awkwardly and took a sip of your beer, patting Jons head. He threw his head back and looked up at you. “See? A bunch of fuckin’ morons.” He slyly winked.

For the next forty five minuets until Fieldy arrived, the boys made a conscious effort to make you feel comfortable. They talked about their instruments, tattoos, cracked jokes and tried to make you laugh as much as they could. A couple beers in and you found yourself feeling significantly more comfortable then expected. They really made you feel like part of the group and seemed to enjoy your company despite your somewhat reserved nature. Jon was beaming with excitement every time you commented, laughed or interjected. You had learned how they came to be a band and their first impressions of Jon; listening to them reminisce was really sweet and intriguing. It only made you want to learn more about Jonathan and his life.

Once Fieldy arrived - and got pelted with empty beer bottles due to being ridiculously late - he introduced himself to you before they got fully set up to play. You sat on a foldout chair in the driveway, your fourth beer in your hand as you watched them scramble to their respective spots. Before you knew it, you were deeply enveloped in music you had never heard before. You had no idea Jon was capable of projecting his voice and creating the sounds he was making. The emotion on his face and the way he moved and danced while singing sent waves of shivers down your body. Peeling your eyes away for even a second wasn’t an option. In fact, the whole band had your attention in a chokehold. It felt like a new world had opened up for you. Even when they would stop in the middle of a note and have a technical discussion, dick around or try to figure something out, it was beyond intriguing to listen to and watch. Every now and then before he’d start singing, Jon would nod at you to make sure you were doing okay. You were more than okay.

They played a total of 7 songs, each at least twice. It was mesmerizing. You caught yourself with a gaping mouth more than a couple of times. The boys wrapped things up and all shuffled over to you to ask your opinions. You could barely get your thoughts to come out as words in your half drunken, completely awestruck state, but did your best in showering them with compliments. You got a hug from Munky, Fieldy and Head and an honorary fist bump from David after they had invited you to come back to the next rehearsal. Jon said his goodbyes to his friends and you guys dipped with a pack of warm beer and a tightly packed joint that Fieldy sent the both of you off with. You hopped in the passenger seat of the car, and waved goodbye to the band; both of you a little bit intoxicated. The second Jon pulled out of the driveway, he turned to you with a hopeful smile.

“Now that it’s just us… what’d you think? Like honestly?”

“Dude, I think you’re fucking amazing. I think I’m your biggest fucking fan now.”

He snickered somewhat timidly. “Really? That means a lot coming from you.” Jon snuck a quick glance of admiration at you, fighting back a toothy grin. “Can I maybe get a kiss for doing so good?”

“You can get a million kisses!” You leaned over the center console in his car and left a series of quick kisses all over his cheek, causing him to giggle. He turned his head for a brief moment at a stop sign and your lips impacted each other sweetly. The two of you turning hot in the face, his cheeks bright red.

“We oughta crack into these beers and this mothafuckin’ joint when we get back to the apartment.” Jon excitedly mentioned. You felt eager, yet a little anxious to get high with him now that your feelings were out in the open. For the rest of the short lived car ride, you rested your hand on his thigh while you had lighthearted conversation. Every now and then giving a squeeze when he’d come up a bit too fast at a stop light, or make a harsh turn. It’s almost as if he started doing it intentionally at one point just to feel your grip tighten on him just a little bit.

Arriving at the apartment felt relieving after a long day of socializing with new people. The pressure you felt for the last few hours started to melt away a bit once you glanced around. Realizing you were home alone with the man you had deep feelings for and were getting progressively more comfortable around with every day. Jon pulled two lukewarm beers out of the pack and handed you one, fumbling with the joint in his pocket. He grabbed your free hand and started pulling you toward the balcony door; clearly very eager to get crossfaded together. The two of you sat down on the cruddy chairs, the sun beginning to set as orange light shone on your faces.

“Ready to get fucked up?” He toothily smiled, flicking the lighter you had left on the ground outside and taking the first deep inhale. You couldn’t help but smile, observing how attractive he looked blowing out the smoke. You shifted your seat closer to him so your knees were slotted in between each other. He raised the joint up to your lips and lit the end, prompting you to breathe in a hardy hit. You leaned your head back as you exhaled above you. Your head dropped down again and your eyes met with Jons’. He was staring at you with a soft gaze of adoration.

“Shit, you’re so fuckin’ handsome.” He took another hit of the joint. “It blows my mothafuckin’ mind.” He once again pressed the still lit joint to your lips, simultaneously taking a swig of his beer. A grin spread across your face as you remained locking eyes with him, taking a drawn out hit; a bit bigger then you anticipated, actually.

“Says you. You’re fucking beautiful.” You accidentally exhaled smoke into his face making him squint slightly, but not lessening his smile. He put his hand up to your cheek softly and caressed it with his thumb. His eyes darting between your pupils and your lips. The two of you already feeling yourselves getting gradually more intoxicated as the beer and weed intertwined in your systems. You couldn’t tell if your comment had gotten tears to well in his eyes or if they were already starting to glaze over.

“You think I’m beautiful?”

“Very beautiful. I’ve thought so since you first bumbled into my apartment.”

He couldn’t help but lean fully forward, closing in the last few inches between your faces. Smashing his lips into yours lovingly, he moved his other hand up to your cheek as he held your head gently. Your own hands found his knees as he barely gave you time to breathe before pulling away from your passionate kiss. There were definitely tears in his eyes.

“That means a lot to me, Y/N. You mean a lot to me.” Jons’ voice cracked out, your face still resting in his hands.

“You mean a lot to me too. You make me feel so normal.” You sighed, lightly dragging your fingers along his knee. “Jon… thank you for accepting me.”

“Accepting you? Man, I hit the fuckin’ jackpot!”

You both laughed as you lightly slapped his thigh, him leaning in to give you more kisses, occasionally nibbling on your bottom lip. The taste of smoke and your beers mixing in a comforting way, sending firecrackers and fast heartbeats through both of you. Before you knew it, you had finished almost the whole joint together. Talking about your feelings and attraction through the hits you were taking, giving each other soft kisses and light touches.

“You know, I don’t think I’ve ever actually liked a guy this much.” Jons’ eyes were totally bloodshot as he gazed into yours. “It feels so weird. Not like a bad weird, just a different weird… like, I wanna know every part of you.” He paused for a moment before moving his hand down from your upper thigh to your knee. “Not like that. Well, yeah, like that, but not just like that. Don’t get it twisted, I definitely want that… Just- Should I stop talking? I sound like a fuckin’ pervert now.”

He slapped himself in the forehead which prompted you to burst out laughing. He giggled in response, relieved that he hadn’t creeped you out, but obviously feeling mildly embarrassed. You reached a hand out to peel it away from his red face.

“You’re fine. I know what you mean…” you wrapped his fingers in yours, squeezing his hand lightly to reassure him.

“I don’t think I’ve liked a guy this much either. In fact, I don’t really think I’ve liked anyone this much. So it is kinda weird, but I dig the weirdness.” You leaned forward kissing him on the lips swiftly. “… and for the record, I wanna know every part of you, too. Both in the innocent, sweet, deep secrets sorta way and, like- well, the other way. How could I not?” You glanced down for a moment attempting to hide your expression from him. It wasn’t often at all that you talked about your feelings with people. You had probably spoke more about yourself and the inner workings of your mind with Jonathan in the last month then you had with anyone your whole life. It was a much needed change. He was sensitive and empathetic. Easy to talk to, whether the conversation was serious or stupid.

“That definitely makes me feel better.” He stuttered out; his voice cracking a little bit. Jon moved his hand back up to your thigh and squeezed softly, biting his lip. “I really really like you, Y/N.”

“I really really like you too, Jonathan.” You placed your hand on his and leaned in to kiss him. It very rapidly went from a sweet, soft kiss to getting rougher in nature. He was soon biting at your lips and pushing at your teeth with his tongue. His hand rubbing your thigh as he pushed his knee in closer to your crotch, your legs fitting together like puzzle pieces. He had his other hand running through your hair sweetly, lightly tugging a few strands each time you’d bite his lips back or let a soft noise out into his mouth. Your own hands were weaving through his dreads, curling them through your fingers and pulling his head toward your own. The two of you had completely lost track of time as you passionately made out and caressed each other for hours. Getting progressively more desperate for each other, but taking it slowly regardless. Pulling away for a much needed breath, you shifted your glance at the night sky; leaving Jonathan panting and resting his head against the nape of your neck.

“How long have we been out here?”

“I have no fuckin’ idea. Can we keep kissing again?” Jon bit at your neck in a needy manor and ran his fingers up your back, giving you goosebumps. Your hands still gingerly holding and petting his hair. “Please?”

Placing a kiss on top of his head, you sighed out; “I have work tomorrow, bubs. I gotta be up early.” Disappointment prevalent in your voice. Your high had began to come down quite a bit ago and your exhaustion and realization started to kick in once you noticed the darkness outside. Jon bit your neck with a bit more force, making you jump a little in your seat.

“Fuck work, when I’m famous you won’t need it no more.”

“I know. Until then though, we need to afford rent. Come on, you big baby.” You snickered and tried to stand up, to which he limply collapsed onto your lap, trapping your body down. You couldn’t stop from giggling wildly at his childish behavior. It was one of the stupid little things about Jon that you found so endearing. Somehow, you managed to stand up, finally getting him to lazily rise to his feet. You caught yourself looking up at him. It was easy to forget he was taller then you. Planting another quick kiss on your lips, you grabbed his hand and led him into your room, eager to lay down. Looking at the time on the clock felt of very little importance.

“I can sleep in here with you again?”

“Dur.”

Jon swiftly stripped to his boxers and collapsed onto the bed as you followed suit. The two of you excitedly covered yourselves with blankets and scooted in close to one another. Something you had learned very quickly, even before discussing your feelings with each other, was that Jons’ love language was physical touch. He always had to have his hands or fingers on you, his head resting on your shoulder, your legs on him, his arms around you, and so on. Now that your mutual feelings were out in the open, he had already gotten significantly more touchy. He pulled you close to him, enveloping you in the feeling of his body hair tickling your bare skin and the warm embrace of his arms around you. You decided in the moment it would be best to ignore his boner pressing against you, though it was making you feel distractingly hot. Jon’s fingers were playing with your happy trail, tickling you slightly.

“I like your hair…” he breathily whispered in your ear, giving you chills. “You’re such a pretty boy.”

“Thank you…” A wide, sleepy grin plastered across your face with his words. You wanted to flip around and kiss him so fucking bad, but were too comfortable. “I like your everything.”

“I like your everything.”

Despite your mutual frustration, it didn’t take long for the pair of you to fall asleep. Jon nodded off first, caressing your skin with his fingers until the sound of his soft snores hit your ears. Shortly thereafter, once again trapped in his clutches, you had no choice but to fall asleep in his arms as well.

The night was quiet and peaceful. The two of you had shifted around in your sleep a few times so you were no longer wrapped in Jons’ arms. It had been only a couple of short hours before the sound of a faint squeak had awoken you. You remained half asleep, facing the wall of your bedroom until your eyes shot open with a sound you weren't at all anticipating. You froze, eyes wide, trying to figure out the noises your ears were registering.

[the-cult-of-russo]

Such a Softer Sin (Part 14)

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader

Warnings: I’m not specifically tagging this one, if you’ve seen the show, nothing will shock you. Smut will happen eventually so minors DNI, thanks.

A/N: Is the slow burn killing you guys yet? Lmaoooo

—-------

You watched people walking around, getting things set up for later. There was going to be a celebration tonight for the success of the mission just a few days earlier. It had been Micro’s idea, adamant that people really needed a morale booster and you had to agree with him. With the war looming over you all and the added stress of not shifting, everyone was restless and agitated. Not everyone would be celebrating though, some people had to keep watch and they’d volunteered so the others could have a good time. You’d volunteered to keep watch too but Kos had told you no and given he was your Alpha, you listened to him. He told you that you needed a break and that you should just try to have fun. You were just looking on with an amused smile as two warriors argued over where to put a table when you heard your name. You turned around and came face to face with Aurora, the last person you expected.

“Could we take a walk?” she asked hesitantly and you just gaped at her, blinking dumbly and wondering if you were imagining it.

“Uh… sure,” you muttered, eyeing her warily as the two of you started walking aimlessly. You had no idea what this was about and a petty part of you wanted to tell her where to go given how she’d been behaving. You knew you'd regret it though, your curiosity was eating at you.

“I’m sorry for being so cold and rude. I know I haven't made the best first impression and that’s not what I wanted,” she started carefully and you glanced at her as you both slowed down.

“I… I had a hard life, much like you have. My parents were murdered when I was young and some other wolves in my pack raised me but they weren’t the kindest. I know it’s not a good enough excuse for how I’ve been behaving but… I just don't deal with people well. Finding your mate can be really overwhelming and the idea of having a new family is scary. I barely even settled in here and I’m pretty sure most people don’t like me. I can come across as rude but really… I’m just anxious and don’t know how to speak to people. I feel really awful about it all and I want to be part of your pack, part of the family because you’re Atti’s family and I know how much you mean to him,” she rambled and your feet took root on the floor. She was looking at you with a guilt ridden expression on her face, almost as if she was waiting for you to tell her off. You were surprised by her admission but you were grateful she finally spoke to you. It made more sense now why she was the way she was. You were somewhat similar, maybe not as rude, but you also struggled with people outside of your pack although you’d gotten a lot better since coming here. Childhood trauma could really do a number on you.

“Thank you for speaking to me, I appreciate it. You’re family now and all I ever wanted was for us to be able to bond. I get it now and I hope this means we can start being friends,” you murmured and she smiled in relief with a shaky breath she’d been holding. 

“I’d really like that,” she nodded and you gave her a smile. 

“I’m gonna get back to Atti, but I’ll see you at the party later,” she grinned before she turned on her heel and left. It made you feel a bit better and you knew it might take work for her to come out of her shell but you started to think maybe there was hope after all. You had something in common to bond over, something that would give you an understanding of each other that most others wouldn't have unless they’d been through it. You knew you’d have to get used to the lonely nights and not spending so much time with Kos and Atti now they found their mates but you felt like you’d eventually deal with it if you still actually got to be with them. You didn't want to feel excluded and pushed out and it would only hurt more given the fact you hadn’t found your mate yet. You felt like the spare part. But if both mates were going to make an effort to bond with you then it would only mean your family expanded and you had more people to care about and that made you happy. You looked forward to seeing her and Atti at the party now, you’d figured they wouldn't be attending.

You weren’t quite sure who would be going. You hoped Karen would be there but you’d not seen her too much as she’d been working hard with some of her witches to try and figure out the moon debacle. The kidnapped witches were weighing heavily on her and she was trying to locate them so she could send you guys in. The times you had seen her, she’d looked completely worn down and you felt sorry for her. You knew if the vampires were holding your people captive you’d feel the same way, you’d probably be running around like a psychopath trying to get them and killing anyone in your way. One other person you weren’t sure would be there was Billy. You hadn’t seen him once since you all got back which was strange. You presumed he was busy but the last time he'd been busy you’d seen him around the grounds as he worked with the worried frown on his face. This time he was just gone like a ghost. You had no idea where he was or why. You found yourself thinking about him a lot in his absence and you really hoped he’d be there, you missed him.

Once the sun went down, the party was in full swing, complete with music, food and alcohol. 

“Here you go,” Kos smiled, handing you a weird pink looking drink.

“I’m good,” you snorted, putting the drink on the table and Atti huffed, glaring at you from where he sat opposite with Aurora.

“Don’t be such a Debbie Downer. It’s a party, Y/N. You’re not on watch, so drink it and relax,” He urged, pushing the drink closer to you.

“The fuck’s that?” Frank asked, raising a brow at the pink drink.

“I have no idea, Karen gave it to me for Y/N,” Kos admitted with a shrug and a grin. You were pretty sure he was already three sheets to the wind. 

“Nah, a lady like this doesn’t drink weird, pink, fruity drinks. She drinks this,” Frank smirked, moving over to another table before coming back and slapping a jar in front of you so hard that some of the liquid sloshed out.

“What the hell is that?” Irene giggled and Frank grinned.

“Moonshine, made it myself,” he said proudly. You looked at the jar and then back at him and he had this expectant look on his face. You’d been wanting to keep your wits about you but Atti was right, you weren't on watch and who knew the next time you’d be able to relax and have fun like this. You picked up the jar and Frank’s grin almost split his face.

“Atta girl!” he laughed and you rolled your eyes with a snort before drinking a big gulp. You gasped, eyes shut as the burn felt like liquid fire going down your throat and Frank laughed harder.

“Is it that bad?” Atti asked with an amused smile.

“It’s worse,” you choked out, eyes watering. 

“Glad you like it,” Frank smirked, clapping you on the back before he sauntered off again, presumably to find Karen. Kos looked at the drink curiously before taking the jar, sipping the tiniest amount and he started coughing. It made you feel a little better, he was reacting worse than you and the table broke out into laughter. As the night wore on, the jar became empty and you had to admit, you were absolutely drunk. Your head was fuzzy, your vision a little woozy and you were pretty sure if you stood up, your legs would wobble. But you felt good, calm and relaxed, even as you found yourself sitting alone at the table. You watched with a smile as Kos and Atti danced with their mates and the booze helped to quell the bitter feelings that may have been there otherwise, the pang of envy you knew lay under the layers of alcohol. It was nice to see though. They seemed happy as they laughed and danced and you felt good that they had found their other halves. 

“Need some more moonshine?” you looked over to see Frank sitting next to you, you hadn't even seen him come over.

“No… I think I might die of alcohol poisoning if I do,” you snorted wryly and he grinned, shrugging as he sipped at his own jar. 

“Where’s Billy?” you asked curiously. He hadn’t turned up despite you hoping he would. You thought he might have at least showed his face. Frank looked away, his mouth floundering for a moment and you squinted. Even with your alcohol soaked brain you could tell he was being weird.

“He’s not feelin’ too well, he’s just takin’ it easy in his room,” he answered and you nodded with a frown. The idea of him laid up in bed sick was unpleasant and you thought back to how Aurora was sick not too long ago. You wondered if maybe there was a bug going around. When you glanced back to your side, Frank was gone as if he was never there and you blinked slowly, wondering how long you’d been deep in thought. It felt like just seconds. Thinking of Billy all alone while everyone else was having fun, you stood on shaky legs, trying to steady yourself as you took a deep breath and made your way to the castle. 

Climbing the stairs wasn’t easy. You didn't trip or fall but it felt like it took you a lifetime to get to where you need to be, like it took extra focus not to fall and break your neck. As you walked down the hallway, you narrowly missed bumping into a table with a small statue on it and you snorted to yourself. It reminded you of when you and Billy had met and you didn't even realize you had a dopey smile on your face. When you got to his door, you lifted a hand and knocked firmly but you got no response. You tried again and still got no answer and you huffed, shifting on your feet. Barging in didn't really feel like the right thing to do, but you were drunk and he was also your friend. You figured he might forgive you for wanting to check on him. You pushed the door open and the room was dark, the light of the not quite right moon the only light shining through the windows. You could hear everyone having fun outside and you closed the door, hovering a little just inside the room. You couldn't see him, he wasn't in bed though his covers were all bunched up and then the smell hit you. You’d know the smell of an Alpha in his rut anywhere, it was pretty strong and recognisable and Kos had them too. And while with Kos you’d feel a biological pull to it, as would any female wolf, you were always able to reject it, always able to block it out until he locked himself away during them. This was different. You found yourself overtaken by it, almost making you feel even more drunk and in some kind of daze. You felt lightheaded but not from the alcohol and your heart started to beat rapidly in your chest. 

“You shouldn't be here,” Billy’s rough voice made you jump and your head whipped to the closed bathroom door it came from. He sounded strained and you could clearly hear the need in his voice. You swallowed thickly, knowing just how Alpha’s could get when in their rut and with your hazy mind, you became very aware of how your body was responding to those thoughts as you felt yourself getting wet. You heard a deep and feral growl from behind the door but you couldn't move. Something in the back of your head was telling you that you needed to leave but you couldn't, you didn't want to. Your wide eyes were glued to the door as your chest heaved, body aching in a way you’d never felt before. You open your mouth to try and tell him you were coming to check on him but nothing came out but harsh breaths. You felt a high similar to that when you fought, only this was far more powerful, far stronger. The bathroom door opened and your breathing hitched when you saw him standing there in nothing but his pants. His eyes were silver. A tiny part of you was worried he might shift, knowing that everything could go wrong if that happened yet your feet still didn’t move. All you could do was look at him with wide eyes and dilated pupils. 

Billy was close to snapping, so close to losing control and he was powerless against it. He could smell your arousal in the air, could practically taste the sweet like honey slick that he knew was between your thighs and it was killing him. His wolf wanted his mate and he was cursing you for being here, cursing you for showing up. Anyone else he could have resisted, anyone else he could have sent away, but not you. Never you. 

“Why are you here?” he growled, his voice raw as he started to stalk towards you. You were just staring at him like a deer caught in the headlights and it did little to ease the predator that lay inside of him.

“I… Frank said you were sick… I just… I wanted to cheer you up,” you murmured in a daze. He could smell the alcohol on you but the scent of your arousal was far stronger. If he was given a choice right now, to have the war end instantly, to have the entire vampire population vanish into thin air and never have to worry about them or to have you, he knew he’d pick you without hesitation and let all of his people die and he hated it. He’d never felt so weak in his entire life before. The pull to you was killing him and his wolf was snarling viciously, slamming against the walls in his head trying to break free, to get to his mate. He couldn't think straight, couldn't make sense of all the restless noise in his head and he started backing you up to the wall. For every step he took, you took one back but you didn't look scared, you looked the opposite. He caged you in, both hands on the wall either side of your head as he stared down at you and his breaths were coming in ragged and sharp.

“How am I supposed to restrain myself when I can smell you like this?” he bit out accusingly, as if it was all your fault. Not only could he smell how much you wanted him but he could fucking feel it and it only added with his own. He couldn't tell what was him and what was you anymore and his whole body felt like it was on fire from the inside out. You looked up at him with a half lidded gaze and his whole body was shaking with how hard he was fighting for some control.

“What if I don’t want you to?” you whispered. Any resolve he had snapped as he crashed his lips to yours, kissing you desperately. You kissed him back with as much need as he felt and he moaned into the kiss, gripping your jaw as his tongue devoured your mouth. A voice in the back of his head told him this was a bad idea. You were drunk and under the influence of his scent in a rut, that he was taking advantage of you. But he could barely hear the voice over everything else going on in his mind and he couldn't stop. Not when he needed you so much that he was feeling physical pain. He broke the kiss for the single fact he needed to breathe, or he would have kissed you forever. You chased after his lips with a whine and he moaned, his hand on your jaw tightening as he looked at you with your swollen lips and dazed eyes. He couldn't wait any longer, he didn't have it in him and he started to quickly rid you of your clothes. He was pleased when you took the initiative to do the same to him, pulling at his pants to get them off him. 

Once completely naked, he picked you up before stalking over to the bed and laying you down. He took a moment to really look at you as you lay there blinking up at him. He’d never laid eyes on anyone more beautiful. You were absolutely perfect and made just for him. The thought made him growl, chest burning hot as he climbed on top of you, kissing you again. You kissed back insistently, your hand going to his hair as you threaded your fingers in it and tugged a little. He had to stop himself from just slamming into you, barely just registering this was your first time and he didn't want to hurt you no matter how much he needed you. He kissed your lips as his hand trailed down your body, down silky soft skin until he reached between your parted legs he was between. He lifted himself slightly to have better access, eyes on your face as he started to circle your clit. You were absolutely soaked and it made his cock ache for you, watching as a moan left your lips, surprise etching on your angelic face. He couldn't tear his eyes away from you, watching how you reacted to the pleasure he was giving to you. He toyed with your clit faster and you moaned again, squirming against his hand and he groaned. 

“That feel good, Sweetheart?” he rasped brokenly and you nodded, your lips parted in delight.

“Yes,” you moaned, looking almost amazed by the sensations you were having and it spurred him on even more as he got faster and you kept moaning. Knowing he was the first to bring you any kind of pleasure soothed the raging wolf inside of him. You were his and only his. He wanted to get you good and ready for him, wanted to make it hurt as least as possible, wanted to make you feel good. He pushed a finger inside of your soaked heat and you gasped, hands gripping his shoulders. You were so deliciously tight and he was throbbing at the thought of being inside of you. He fucked you with one finger for a moment, your moans like music to his ears before he added another and you let out such a sinful noise he was shocked he didn't cum all over you. Feeling like he got you as ready as he could and also feeling a desperate impatience clawing at his skin, he slid his fingers out of you and your eyes fluttered open, watching him with wide eyes as he greedily sucked his fingers clean with a groan. He’d taste you properly another time, he couldn't wait anymore or he’d snap completely. His hand moved to your face, the other propping him up as he kissed you deeply, wanting you to be as relaxed as possible. His hand trailed down your face, neck and down your body again before he gripped himself, lining his cock up with your dripping entrance. He slowly started to push into you, a sinful moan ripping from his throat at how tight you were around him like that and you gasped, fingers biting into his shoulders. Your body was trying to fight the intrusion as he slowly pushed further and he kept peppering your lips with kisses, trying to ease you so you’d take him easier. When he finally bottomed out, it took every ounce of self restraint to stay still and let you adjust for a moment. You were panting, eyes shut into a small frown and he stroked your cheek, resting his forehead on yours.

“It’s okay, Sweetheart. Won’t hurt for long, alright?” he soothed, so conflicted in knowing this was hurting you yet not wanting to stop, he felt ripped in two. You nodded, breathing deeply and he started to feel you relax more. His movements were slow at first and while it was maddening to him, it still felt euphoric. Every push and pull felt like he was drowning in you and he didn’t want to stop, he wanted to stay like this with you forever. He could tell when the pain started to ease for you, felt how your body seemed to melt under him, arching back against him, heard how your breathing hitched. When you started gracing him with soft moans, he picked up his pace a little, unable not to. You whined but not in pain, as you tugged on his hair, making him growl. He was caught off guard when you pulled his face to yours, capturing his lips in a sloppy and desperate kiss. He felt feverish and upside down, all turned inside out and delirious wrapped around you like this. He broke the kiss, your moans and pants mingling together as he started to rut into you like an animal. His wolf was precariously close to breaking to the surface and all he had to ground himself was you. Your moans were getting higher in pitch, more frequent and demanding and he let out a guttural groan at the delightful sounds. He buried his face in your neck, your scent strong and enticing as vanilla and peaches coiled around him like a snake and he licked at the skin there, almost purring as he felt himself nearing his release.  

“Billy,” you moaned. His name rolling off your tongue like a fervent prayer made him explode, an obscene noise getting ripped from him at the same time a keening moan left your lips and you came together. He bit down on your neck, moaning as he spilled himself inside of you and you relaxed around him. He thrust a couple more times before he lay there with his face in your neck, his chest heaving as he felt like he was suspended in time and space. He’d never felt like this before, never known pleasure quite like this.

He moved to sit up a little, looking down at you. You were passed out now, a completely serene look on your face that he wanted to capture forever. He stroked your cheek, his chest aching fiercely with the amount of love his heart held for you. The lust filled haze his rut had him in started to clear, like a veil lifted from his eyes as he started to come back to his senses and then he saw your neck.

“No… No, no, no,”  His whole body felt like it seized up, dread hitting him like a wrecking ball and he couldn't tear his eyes away. He’d mated you. You didn’t even know you were mates and he’d gone ahead and completed the ritual. He felt sick and like he couldn't breathe. His chest felt far too tight and he clawed at it as he pulled out of you, scrambling off the bed and almost falling over. He stared at your sleeping form in his bed completely naked and his chest caved in. You’d hate him for this, you’d think he put a claim on you. Claiming and mating weren’t the same thing but the bites looked almost the same. A wolf could claim another even if they weren't mates and it was usually what wolves did if they found love after their old mate had died or hadn't found them at all. But not all wolves had good intentions and some would claim another just to mark them and say they belonged to them. It was something frowned upon as often if someone had been claimed, if they eventually found their mate then their mate wouldn't want them anymore. They’d be ‘tainted’. He knew that's what you’d think of him and he couldn't bear it. The only other alternative was to tell you the whole truth and it made him feel like he was drowning, only this time in a bad way. He had no idea how you’d react to it because you felt nothing for him and he’d been lying to you this whole time. He tugged at his hair in panic, his lungs burning as he tried to breathe. This wasn’t how he wanted things to go, it wasn't supposed to happen like this. He was going to lose you before he ever really had you and it had been his own damn fault. He wiped his face, quickly realizing he was crying as he grabbed his pants off the floor, sniffling as he put them on quickly. He really couldn't breathe and he stumbled into the dresser, almost knocking things over as he gasped for air before he fled the room. What had he done?

Taglist: (if you’ve been asked to be tagged and aren’t here, it wouldn’t let me tag some people.)

@firexfate

@blanchedelioncourt

@on-ya

@sunshinedaisies-anddeath

@snowkestrel

@music-indie-tv

@idaofinfinity

@sweetserendipity65

@ramadiiiisme

@k-marzolf

@celestialams

@woowwwee

@noortsshift

@rainbowgoblinfan

@mysweetlittledesire

@promnightbinbaby

@intothesoul

[soreiya]

Thanks for the tag @chameliyun

I’m gonna respond even though I’m not technically a writer. LMFAO

How many works do you have on ao3?

0! ;D

What's your total ao3 word count?

0 ):

What fandoms do you write for?

Currently just Tangled the Series

What are your top five fics by kudos?

Would I even get kudos if I posted something? o__o; Kinda doubt it.

Do you respond to comments?

I love responding to comments.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Typically, I write happy endings. Though if you want angst, then I’ll give you angst. Mwahahahahha~

What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

All of the Small Things

Do you get hate on fics?

Nope, just in general. ;p

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

The stuff I write is relatively tame, but I have written some crack nonsense that was slightly NSFW.

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I have not, but I think it would be super fun to write a crossover story.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I have had an original story get taken, but not a fanfic. I’ve also had ideas or names get used without crediting me.

What's the longest you've spent working on one fic? And the shortest?

The longest that I worked on a story was about 6 years.

The shortest is just random concepts that I spam on Discord.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I co-wrote a story once. Though it was not a fanfic.

I ramble with people on Discord about random story ideas. Not sure if that counts or not.

What's your all-time favorite ship? From all fandoms?

Shipping is one of those things that is a bit like a fixation. Sometimes the most recent ones you end up hyper focusing on, but if you get reminded of an old ship you liked out of the blue then that love comes back full force? Needless to say, I can’t answer this question. Haha

What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Necromancer Rapunzel!

What are your writing strengths?

I like world building and problem solving. Basic developmental stuff.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Dialogue and longform writing

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I don’t think I would just because I wouldn't have anyone to go to for accuracy.

First fandom you wrote for?

Digimon Frontier

Favorite fic you've written?

Power Play since it’s my most complete story outline.

[sakumasmut]

that mika and shu threesome request………

can we get a jun & ibara threesome??

Ibara and Jun Threesome Ramble

tags/warnings: gn reader, double penetration, unprotected sex, breeding

I’m not quite sure how they’d end up in a situation where they have to share you, but their clashing ideas on how to treat you are apparent. Ibara wants to handle you so roughly that you cry, and Jun wants to breed you silly until you pass out from pleasure. They’ve got the same end goal, but how they get to that is undecided enough that they need to make it up as they go.

Of course, that means that their movements aren’t as coordinated as they’d like, but they still try. Ibara tells Jun what to do, like when to add in another finger during foreplay or telling him to suck on a nipple while he focuses on nibbling your neck. Jun listens, but uses his own ideas too, leading to Ibara having to adapt. Jun declaring he’s gonna breed you? Enough to make Ibara decide fuck it, he’s gonna cum inside you too. To hell with protection if he wants to one up Jun in the heat of the moment.

They both push inside your hole at the same time, but their lack of coordination when thrusting afterwards makes everything hotter. Sometimes they’ll pull out and push at the same time, making you feel empty right before stuffing you full again. Other times one of them slides out when the other pushes in, never leaving you truly empty. There’s a bit of dick measuring in their banter, Ibara teasing you first if you like how his cock feels since you can’t stop squeezing it, and Jun following it by asking if his feels bigger. Not that it matters to you though, both of them inside you feels great either way.

It feels so great in fact, you cum first. The way you moan their names is too much for Ibara to handle, and he floods your insides soon after. Even if he tries to control himself, you just feel so good. Jun laughs a bit, commenting on how Ibara came before him. Ibara just inwardly scoffs and rolls his eyes, taking it as a challenge to see who can please you the most. And well, while there’s no real winner between the two of them, you sure feel like one as they continue to fuck you silly throughout the night, leaving your hole dripping with a mix of their seed.

[eldritch-queern-magicat]

I was looking for something completely unrelated in the DID tags and I happened upon your post about dronification for DID. It's been something I've been thinking about for a long time! I was amazed to see another system talking about it. I have theorized that something like this could be helpful in stabilizing my system and getting things done. Would you have any resources for a system looking to get started with this?

So for most of this, I’m gonna have to go over what I’ve learned in the process of doing everything. A lot of what I’ve been doing was cobbled together from multiple things over the course of about a decade of meditation, hypnosis for fun, and general trance practice. I do also have a very solid background in a childhood full of projecting my internal maladaptive daydreaming shenanigans outside of my mind in my very rural neighborhoods because I didn’t have any friends around, often for miles. It’s also probably the ADHD.

You’ll probably be able to tell I was given a lot of time and space to think about things on my own. That’s what I had rather than much of a social life. I had far too much time to philosophize. I’ve often felt like the Thinker statue at the Smithsonian. Just sitting there, wrapped up in my own thoughts. Alternatively, engaging in stories in any available form.

So pardon the whole essay, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone else really talk about being a drone as a system, either, as a method of healing. For a lot of these things, I’ve had to learn almost entirely through direct experience. So I’m honestly really excited to talk about it more. This ended up getting much longer than expected, too. It’s sort of a stream of thoughts that I tried to organize a bit. I also haven’t written very many things in far too long. So I let myself get a bit carried away and go into some of the details. Plus I really want to recognize just how much we managed to get through in what still feels like too short a timeline.

I also used to email lengthy, semi-organized rambling novels back and forth with at least one person. This is going to be similar to that. It’s also why I miss college very deeply. I’m a big fan of academic studies and analysis. My attention span is getting better again.

I will slip between singular and plural pronouns somewhat seamlessly. The logic is that when I use singular pronouns, it’s the whole system as a singular unit, without dividing certain things because it’s simply not relevant. Otherwise, plural pronouns are for when differentiating all the nuance is relevant.

The hypnosis files online

I like to lurk on the dronification subreddit, but it’s not especially active. The only reason I don’t interact is largely because I’m wary of interaction of that kind in general, given where I’m still at in recovery. Since most of dronification is about altered consciousness, hypnosis is the most common method of getting into that mental space of non-identity.

You can find some pretty general drone hypnosis videos on youtube, but I’ve seen people in both the dronification and the erotic hypnosis subreddits very frequently recommend soundgasm. WarpMyMind is an archive of files from many different people, some premium and some free. I haven’t looked very recently, but I know they have files for just about everything. There are also hypnotists with their own websites with exclusive content or just stuff too spicy for the algorithm. Some of those websites also have spiral makers, if you’re into that.

But to be honest, I don’t explore very much anymore, and I’m hesitant to recommend any one person or another because I don’t know what’s going on with hypnotist discourse and frankly just don’t have the energy to spare for it. The one exception is a youtube video shared on a sideblog that hasn’t totally been connected with the rest, but one you can find if you look at the drone sideblog’s pinned post. I haven’t used it lately, because of personal things around the holidays.

Either way, choose what you listen to with care and allow your mind to bend suggestions in whatever way you’re most comfortable with. Make sure a file does exactly what it says it’s supposed to, and nothing more. Jump into the middle of a file and preview the contents just to be safe, honestly. Look for transcripts of any given audio. And don’t be afraid to stop for a while if things go south at any point and come out of hypnotic trance, and figure out what triggered what. It’s incredibly likely you’ll stumble across things you didn’t see before that you’ll need to sort through. On top of just being a mess that needs cleaned up in the first place, you’ll develop trust a lot faster if you let others slow down as needed and not just rush in.

The drone-state of mind

This actually requires specifically and intentionally entering a state of depersonalization, just to be entirely clear on what you’re doing. But the key point is that you’re actually embracing it in a safe environment, set with rules of behavior and anything you can think of as reasonable fail-safes in case you need to act immediately for any reason. Because the interesting thing about dealing with any form of dissociation is that to heal from it, you need to have some form of control over it. By actually taking control of how you depersonalize or otherwise dissociate, you learn how to keep yourself grounded in the present reality better. A way to hide your face is incredibly helpful when you’re letting go of individual identity, but I’ve also found that it’s not strictly necessary if you can dissociate hard enough already.

You should put together a document beforehand that you can come to a collective agreement on. It doesn’t have to be fully comprehensive at the start. Just start with the basics and develop it from there. This will be your instruction manual, or whatever you choose to call it. Make however many copies you think you’ll need, because starting over any on kind of document isn’t fun.

Pick a single, consistent style of language to use for your drone-state that isn’t overly complex. Keep your instructions clear and concise, so that even in your lowest energy states, they’re easy to understand. It’s been a lot of ‘if ___, do ___’ and explaining the terms used, as well as the command phrases you go with. You should also make a habit of studying those instructions, and definitely do so as a drone. Because as a drone, that’s literally the only thing you’ll have any attention on in the moment, and since you’re in a very altered state of consciousness, it sets into your mind a lot easier. And don’t forget to consistently review your instructions, because things change and you will find yourself adapting them over time.

If you have someone you trust supporting your recovery in the external world, like a friend or family member or other care provider, you should probably give them at least a rough idea of your new method of stabilizing yourself. This can be phrased however you think is the most appropriate. I explain it, when talking about it, more or less that I’m treating my mind similarly to a computer, because the people around me know that I like digital technology. I already wear earbuds at least half the time, especially out of the house. It’s just a thing because I love music a lot. The right music literally helps me regulate my emotions. I don’t even mention the specifics, just that I’m using technological framework to understand how healing works for me. I halfheartedly blame my parents, and my dad in particular, because they were both nerds and tried to keep up with technology. Dad’s still at it now, 66 years old. He likes to be the Mr. Spock type usually, so emphasizing that I’m trying to balance my emotions with logical understanding works really well.

A long-term process

This will inevitably take a lot of time, depending on how unstable you are now. Do not try to put together a clear time frame to have this done by. I promise, you’ll take a lot longer than you initially expect to. I’ve been taking a break for about two months now because the holidays tanked my own stability, and I’m still picking myself back up from it. Especially when things are hard, give yourself the grace to slow down so you don’t overheat the system. It won’t help to try and speed-run becoming a perfect drone. *semantics mode* Perfection may be perpetual motion, but only at a rate that won’t destroy that which is in motion.

And to be honest, we literally just stumbled our way into using this to stabilize ourselves. So for us, this just started out with only a small cluster of parts bumbling around with often mature kinds of hypnosis fantasies partially in an attempt to work out the mess that is our sexuality and relationship with gender. At least, after a while. Until then, it was purely for escapism. We experimented with a lot of different things along the way, slowly progressing through different types of objectification from dolls to statues and whatever. Slowly, we did start to form ideas about what we wanted specifically, because we noticed how easy it had become for us.

We didn’t actually really consider being a drone until 2022. And then I’m pretty sure that was just me, as a specific part. Others slowly came around with time, waiting to make sure it wouldn’t be some disaster. And I’m not gonna lie, even I wasn’t so sure it would work out all that well. But to be honest, I feel like combining healing with pleasure is more effective than many people realize.

From my perspective, this is largely because of the dominant work culture. On that, the standard model of specifically US American Protestant work ethic is obsessed with work sucking so bad and being miserable. But you should enjoy the process of healing. If being a drone makes it easier and brings you joy, and you generally know what you’re in for along the way, then I don’t see the issue. People just get all worked up because it’s not considered normal to use a specific kink to heal trauma. It’s literally just purity culture bullshit, and just outright shaming people for being happy and making the best of a shitty situation. I had to spend ages working through that faulty logic about recovery with my therapist, because the assumption that it’s an entirely painful process is very prevalent in society. Sometimes it’s going to hurt, but then at other points, it should feel more like the best damn thing you ever did. Thinking it’s always about how much you’ve gotta drag yourself up and not enjoying the peaks you’ve already reached will only hold you back.

So with all that bumbling around, it only really became a thing to help with functioning in real life last February, and that was largely Lilu’s idea while we were fused. That was simply just about functioning through pain and general mental issues, and setting solid routines. More apparent efforts to integrate wouldn’t come until at least late summer when other parts more preoccupied with keeping things running behind the scenes took an actual interest. It took even more time to get more parts onboard with the whole thing, and we still have many that haven’t.

It was at least partially a joke, but Pandemonum was the one to suggest using the drone-state to help organize our mind better, with an offhand library comment. Because somewhere, I think with Zemyx and Isaac, the idea stuck. One of Pandemonum’s less present fragments, Bran, hangs out a lot in the library. It’d be easy for an idea like that to slip into the library crowd. Through a lot of convoluted events, such as Lilu directly delivering a challenge of shenanigans to Galaco (Sir) and Cyan, and then others finding it to be infectiously fun. The more parts we pulled in since late August, the more appealing using the drone-state to organize our mind became, so we could at least integrate our memories and straighten our life out. Aria emerged with a new form and gave us a new sense of psychological stability across connected parts.

And in external world, we were learning to get more involved in the community we live in, and get to know other people better. So by the end of the summer, we were really learning how to communicate with other people, as well. We found an incredibly supportive group of people from kinda all over the state I live in, who we share a lot of ideals with. So we were taking our growing social skills and using what we’d learned to reconnect to each other. The individual traumas getting strung back together into something intelligible was hard, but we had learned how to reach out to others and were able to get the help we needed.

One thing led to another, and our childhood friend picked us up to see Wonka at the mall on December 15th, to cheer us up. Alexiel decided on leaving the metaphorical doors wide open to broadcast the whole movie to anyone it could hypothetically reach. It was amazing. We even pulled parts out that were buried in the absolute depths, and got an even clearer picture of our earliest memories, psychological or physical ones, than we’d put together before.

Then, because we’ve been practicing radical acceptance for each other, Joshua decided to try and chip away at his own barriers. He’s a liminal part, one of the few able to pass between sidesystems with any amount of ease, because he enforced the rules directly the most. And it, ah, triggered a whole refresh of our childhood brainwashing that came right out of left field. It quickly became a situation of damage control when he began struggling to stay where he wanted to be by his own focus.

It was ultimately a lack of communication on our part, so we’ve been largely on break from being a drone for various things, but we had already been on a slow decline for a while. We simply had to entirely focus on stabilizing parts that had been refreshed in the weeks before Christmas. The reason our damage control actually went so well was we already proved our own competence at the beginning of December.

We were away from home at a membership assembly with the previously mentioned people from around our home state, and Ash managed to have his wits together enough to not worry about thinking and just stepped in to prevent an already stressful interpersonal situation from getting any worse. At dinner in the middle of our own meal, to the sound of someone falling out of their chair during a family dispute almost halfway across the cafeteria. It went surprisingly well and he was very clearly in control of himself the entire time. I think we’re all still processing that one.

And even if you don’t end up dealing with a lot of different kinds of complex trauma, it takes time to fully integrate all that you represent into that single network. We ran into a lot of errors along the way, as well has having to deal with restricted access to a lot of what kept us so dissociated. A lot of very explicit trust is involved because you’re basically backing everything of you up on what amounts to a shared cloud storage or server. For those of us that keep the connection running on a permanent basis, it also allows us to peek through their subsystems. It was how we started mapping even more parts to realize, yes, we do have several hundreds of parts simply because of, well, everything. But the silver lining is that we’ve finally gotten to clean the skeletons out of our closet and lay them down to rest and decompose. We’re learning what to actually do instead of dissociate from the situation completely.

Some final thoughts

Another key part of making all this work is that we’ve agreed to function without a singular point of authority or hive leader, despite how it might otherwise seem. Any shenanigans that do incorporate any sort of hierarchy are purely for shits and giggles. You’re agreeing to equal representation and responsibilities, in accordance with what you’re ready for. This will result in more equal access to your skills across those of you taking part. Think a very patient Borg, just without a queen (I got a fair bit of exposure to Borg propaganda in the last year or so because I follow someone who simps for them so hard and I initially just followed her for her general Star Trek posts).

The main reason I conceptualize it as robotic and digital is because it acts as a system based around at least speculative science, in contrast with the extreme religious nature of my trauma (and it brings really nerdy joy to do it this way). What I’m doing is conceptualized as altering my literal programming because it gives me a way to intentionally recondition myself with a healthier understanding of myself and the world. I’m a concrete thinker, so I have to conceptualize the process very literally before it produces any really tangible results.

Almost counter-intuitively given how technological it comes off as, it’s like a kind of magic. To explain it in a more mundane way, it’s a combination of logic, consistent methodology, conceptualization, and the placebo effect from your belief in that process. This is why reinforcing your conditioning with written instructions regularly is important, because you need to exercise those mental muscles as best as you can.

I tend to rely, perhaps hilariously, on things like western astrology and tarot as a structure for self-reflection. Engaging in rituals that harm no one are actually pretty important, because they’re methods of grounding yourself. In a way, dronification is also a ritual. You’re altering your state of consciousness very intentionally for personal fulfillment, to enhance your life experiences.

And I can’t overstate how important it is to remember that you don’t have to be progressing on a linear path all the time. Recovery isn’t a two-dimensional picture, and neither is getting the hang of being a good drone. Any changes you’re trying to make to your lifestyle will take time to settle into.

Take care and good luck

I wish you the best, and if you have any other questions, you’re free to ask. I probably won’t have an answer for everything, because I’m pretty much just making it up as I go along. But I’ll go as far as my logic and intuition can take me and try to point you in a decent direction. There is, of course, an amazing podcast episode from Off The Cuffs that I listened to in March of last year. It’s specifically episode 241--Unit 4015, which also helped me understand the appeal of the specific niche that dronification is.

I honestly wouldn’t be entirely surprised if it’s just generally attractive to people with dissociation, but that’s also, at this time, a purely personal speculation. You don’t have to take it seriously if you’d rather not. I’m just starting to ramble even more at this point. I really appreciate the ask and getting a chance to talk about the process. Going into detail about everything I’ve done with this helps me to process it and understand where I am now as opposed to before deciding to experiment. Honestly, thanks.

-Era 🍎😺