#<- two of which i really need to get my beautiful husband's advice on what to Consume First

[teenagedracula]

idk how big you are into musicals but I feel like you'd fuck with assassins the musical

Woagh. Hi truman

I do notnknow anything of this but I have heard of it I think?

[heavyhitterheaux]

GQ Couples Quiz

See Me Through You Series

Synopsis: You and your favorite person in the world decide to participate in the GQ Couples Quiz

Pairing: Husband!Joe Burrow x Wife!Reader

Requested by: a beautiful anon 😍

Series Masterlist

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

The two of you were sitting across from one another as the cameras had begun rolling and Joe was all smiles as he stared back at you which made your face instantly heat up and a laugh escaped from your mouth.

“Why are you laughing? We haven't even started yet!” Joe asked you as he also started laughing.

“Because you're staring at me!”

“So, I can’t look at my wife anymore? Where do you want me to look? The floor?”

“I didn't say that!”

“Are you going to laugh the entire time? How are we supposed to get through the questions?”

“As long as you're on your best behavior we shouldn't have a problem.” You told him as you shuffled the cards in your lap.

“I think that you need to take your own advice. Anyway, I'm Joe Burrow and this is my wife….”

“Y/N Chase-Burrow.”

“I… since when is your name hyphenated? That isn't on your driver’s license.” Joe asked you with a confused look on his face.

“It’s not. I just did that for dramatic effect. And to see you make that face.” You answered with a smile as Joe gave you a blank stare.

“See, she’s starting already.”

“I'm definitely asking you all the hard questions.” You told him and he scoffed.

“And I know that I'm going to get them all right.” Joe replied as he winked at you, making your face heat up once more.

“We have to get through this in one sitting so stop looking at me like that! Okay, first question. I'll go easy on you and then they'll get harder.”

“I'm listening…” Joe told you as he sat up straighter in his chair.

“What's my full name?”

“Seriously? Y/N Katherine Chase-Burrow. You're named after your grandmother on your mother's side.”

“I thought you said my name wasn't hyphenated?” You asked as you eyed him.

“I… you said it first so I just repeated it. Next question, please.”

“Okay, where was I born?”

“Harvey, Louisiana. You were born at 3:36 in the morning while your twin was born at 3:39 even though you swear your parents found him in a dumpster behind Popeyes.”

“That’s my story and I'm sticking to it. And look at you trying to get extra brownie points. I didn't even know you knew what time that I was born.”

“I have my sources.”

“The sources being my mother, but moving on. What is my secret hidden talent?” You asked Joe and he was about to say something, but stopped.

“And keep this PG Burrow! I see you over there smirking.”

“I… you know what? I'm not even going to go there. Your hidden talent is that you're a really good baker. You don't do it as much as you did when we were at LSU, so when you do I tend to eat the entire thing.”

“Good job, baby. That's the one that I was thinking about. Okay, what's my favorite meal?”

“You don't really have one. But if I had to choose it's chicken parm. Now if we're talking cheat meals, you love tacos and pizza.”

“My husband knows me like the back of his hand.”

“I told you that I would get each one right.”

“Calm down, we aren't done yet.” You told him and he made a face at you.

“What's my favorite song to dance to around the house?”

“Juvenile, Back That Ass Up. Cash money taking over for the 99 and the 2000's.” Joe replied without hesitation, making you laugh.

“Still remember Erin and Alisha requesting that at our wedding reception.” He added as you went to the next card.

“How many Olympic medals do I have?”

“Four because my wife is amazing.”

“Aww. And what was the music that I used that has been my all time favorite floor routine that I did at LSU?”

“It was between the Prince or Beyoncé medley.”

“What was our first date?”

“Officially or unofficially? I feel like this could be a trick question.”

“Hmm, unofficially.”

“It was the day after we first met and we went on a breakfast date and we talked about how nervous I was going from a backup quarterback to being a starter.” Joe smiled at you as he remembered that day.

“And I told you that you were going to be amazing and look at how what I spoke into existence came true. When did we first tell each other ‘I love you’?”

“It was even before we officially became a couple since we had been friends first. But in a sense, you were actually the one who said it first.”

“Very true and I was scared out of my mind how you were going to take it.”

“But why? You knew that I liked you.” Joe asked as he smiled at you.

“Maybe because I fell so hard and so fast and I was hoping that everything would work out and it did since I now have a ring on my finger.” You told him as you held up your left hand to show the camera.

“You want to know when I knew that I was going to ask you to marry me?”

“I thought I was asking the questions, but yes tell me because I have no idea.”

“That summer after your first year at LSU and you came to visit me in Athens for two weeks. I saw how much my family loved you and how you fit in perfectly with us. When you left, I started designing your ring.”

Hearing him say this, your eyes went wide as your mouth hung open.

“Seriously?” You asked him as tears pricked your eyes.

“And I actually bought it during my rookie season.”

“You love me real bad, don't you?”

“Yes, and that doesn't even begin to cover it.”

“Last one before we switch. How do you know when I'm mad at you?”

“Easy, you call me by my first name. My full first name and give me that look.”

“What look?”

“It’s just a look you do and I know that I'm in trouble.” Joe told you as he finally held up his cards.

“You ready, wifey?”

“I was born ready, thank you.” You replied as you flipped your hair over your shoulder.

“Okay and I'm going easy on you for the first question and that's it. Where was I born?”

“Ames, Iowa. Give me a hard one.”

“What award did I win in my senior year of high school and what year was it?”

“Mr. Football and Gatorade player of the year in 2014. That wasn't hard.”

“Okay, then Mrs. Burrow, how many rushing touchdowns did I get in high school?”

“27.”

“I… I had no idea that you actually knew that.”

“I make it my business to know everything.” You answered as you fixed your necklace.

“Hmm, just like older siblings. But, moving on. Favorite dessert my mom makes me and favorite dessert that you make me?”

“Snickers salad and my strawberry cheesecake. “

“Can you tell me how many awards I got at LSU and name five of them?”

“16 in total. Hmm, only five? The Heisman, Johnny Unitas Golden Arm, Lombardi award, Walter Camp award, and unanimous all american. All of them you won in 2019.”

“Damn. At this rate, you probably know my playbook better than I do too.” Joe told you as he laughed with you joining in right along with him.

“I would definitely agree with that.”

“My favorite nickname for you?”

“Princess or baby doll.” You sweetly said as you twirled the end of your curly hair around your finger.

“What is my biggest fear?”

“Career wise or in general?”

“In general.”

“Now I think this one I actually don't know.”

“You do know and I'll give you a hint. Losing.”

“Losing? I'm still not sure.” You told him as you were trying to think of what he could possibly mean.

“Losing you. We've come close to it, so let's not do that again.” Joe quietly answered as you nodded.

“Promise not to.”

“What is the first thing I do when I wake up in the morning?”

“Kiss me and tell me you love me! And sometimes that wakes me up too.”

“Despite how grumpy you usually are.”

“Well yeah especially when you wake me up at 5 in the morning.”

“Last one, babe. I'll give you two points if you get this right. What was the degree I got at OSU and the degree I got at LSU?”

“At OSU, you finished in 3 years and your degree was in family and consumer financial services. At LSU, your masters is in liberal arts. Actually surprised you got that one since you had been all up on me ever since you got to Baton Rouge. Yall I never saw this man study. Our study sessions would turn into make out sessions every single time.”

“They would not! And I did study!”

“I'll ask my twin for confirmation, but he didn't even graduate so he's probably not the best person to ask.”

“Ask him when we leave. Anyway, you did amazing. You know me pretty well.” Joe told you as you scoffed.

“I would hope so. I'm married to you and we're locked in for life.”

“Yeah, I like you so I guess I'll keep you.” Joe told you as you gave him a blank stare.

“What do you mean you guess?!”

“And there we have it. That concludes our GQ couples quiz. See you guys next time.”

“Joseph! Answer my question!”

“Uh oh.”

[elllisaaa]

in ur last svt post (which made me fold btw) you mentioned you love doing bf thoughts (and we love reading them!!) so i’m gonna be the one to do it… any dirty bf!wonwoo headcanons sweetie? 🫣

not me dropping two wonwoo asks in one day like i’m not hansol biased i’m gonna run away 🏃‍♀️ he’s so husband material tho (getting back into my svt phase is fun 🙂‍↕️)

lmaoo honestly it's valid being whipped for wonwoo, i am too even though i'm a seokmin and chan girlie (hansol is coming at me these days though...)

BF!WONWOO who's a silent lover, but who loves you so much that everyone can see who smitten by you he is.

another member of seventeen that i think is a very good listener. wonwoo is always ready to listen to you when you need to talk, be that because something funny happened to you or because you had a bad day. and he's also really good at giving you advice when you have a problem. he strikes me as someone who's emotionally smart, so it isn't difficult for him to know that you're sad without you having to tell hims. sometimes he'll notice that you're not doing well and he will prepare you a little snack and deliver it with a kiss and a sweet "i love you, i'm here if you need to talk." that almost makes you tear up from how caring he is. also, wonwoo's hugs must feel incredibly good, like being engulfed in a warm bubble of love that's so soothing you immediately relax in his embrace. you could literally spend your whole life hugging him because it's genuinely the best feeling in the world.

"it's okay darling, i'm here now. everything is going to be alright."

wonwoo would love to play video games with you. it's good if you are already into it, but it would be even better if you don't because he would love to teach you how to play his favourite games. he would even use it as an excuse to make you sit on his lap while he's trying to show you how to play. from there, you would often play together, but it's also not rare for you to simply sit in wonwoo's lap and watch him play, or take a nap there, lulled to sleep by his breathing and heartbeat. one of his favourite ways to spend a date night at home with you is playing board games. you'd pick out one or two games together, make yourself some tea and prepare snacks and then you'll spend your night playing together. the members often joke about how the two of you are like an old couple but you don't care because what matters is that you're having fun during these game nights. also, wonwoo loves to just stay at home with you, all cozy in your matching pajamas and getting to see you all relaxed. he obviously loves it when you're dressing up when the two of you are going out, but you're the most beautiful to him with only a big beautiful smile on your face.

"let's just watch a movie tonight, i don't want to see other people, only you."

he's adamant on reminding you of how beautiful you are every single day. and that's the way he says it that makes you blush - like it's the most natural thing ever and that it's obvious. however, when it's your turn to praise wonwoo, he gets shy and bashful, and you literally have to fight him to get him to accept the compliment. but wonwoo loves your insistence on adoring him and he loves the attention - he's down bad for you, but it's good to know that you're down bad for him as well. he would often take photos of you without you noticing when he thinks you look particularly pretty. he won't show these pictures to you, but he has folder of them on his phone and on his computer too, and he looks at them when he's away from you and that he misses you. wonwoo would put all these secret photos into a pretty album he made and decorated himself, and he would gift it to you for your anniversary. overall, he would gift you a lot of mindful things like these, and you keep all of them in a little box under your bed.

"when did you take this one nonu ?" - "when we went to the botanical garden, you were so pretty that day."

BF!WONWOO who's a service top and who loves to please you, but who can also get a little bit mean when he wants to.

wonwoo definitely loves cockwarming with you. when you sit on his lap while he's playing video games, it's not impossible that he'll end up pushing your panties to the side and slipping his cock inside of you, not moving at all. he just loves the intimacy of it, how much you trust him and relax into his touch immediately. but it's impossible to not get hard when your pussy feels this wet and this warm, nor when you're sometimes clenching around him. wonwoo usually gives up pretty quickly, because he loves the feeling as much as you. most of the time, he would grip your hips and help you drop down on his cock slowly until the both of you cum. but when he's feeling more needy, he would bend you over his desk and fuck you rough from behind until you're screaming his name. but sometimes, you can stay like this for a long time, even managing to fall asleep because it feels so warm and safe to be so close to him. it's the way you feel so comfortable around him that gets him going mostly.

"just sit on my cock for while baby, then i'll fuck you, okay ?"

overall, wonwoo just loves to please you in every way he can. he's inflexible about foreplay because he loves to have you cumming at least once before he fucks you - his girl should get as much orgasms as possible because you only deserve the best. he woul often keep his glasses on while eating you out, because even if it's the most comfortable for him, he knows how crazy you go when he looks up at you through the fogged lenses and how hot you think he is when he has them on. wonwoo prefers positions where he can see your face as he fucks you, so missionary is a must with him. he loves to see your face contort when you're close to the edge, and he loves to watch you as he brings you to your orgasm - your pretty expressions and the sounds you make often enough to trigger his own release. again, he loves how close he can be to you in this position, chest and forehead pressed against each other's, whispering praises and love confessions against your lips while he ruts his hips into you deep.

"you're so pretty darling… so fucking pretty like this."

despite him being very romantic, he also knows how much you like it when he shows you how strong he is. wonwoo would definitely manhandle you into bending over for him if that's what you want - and he's not gonna lie by saying that he doesn't like it when you become all putty in his hands because he's holding your hands firmly behind your back. it's quite good for his ego too to hear you gush about how attractive he is, how hot his strength and his muscles are. wonwoo also uses it to his advantage when you've been a little tease or that he's frustrated. all these hours spent at the gym are worth it when it allows him to hold you down against the mattress while he pounds into you until you're crying out his name and that tears are running down your face. of course, he's always mindful of any signs of discomfort when he's rougher, but you both love it when wonwoo doesn't hold back and ruins you. it feels rewarding to know that he can make his girl scream his name so loud that the neighbors complain the next day.

"i'm not gonna let you go until you're dripping baby, i need to have you again."

[orphicdreamers-wp]

When You Know You Know — Quinn Hughes

Summary; In which you, Quinn and your loved ones recount the early days of your relationship

Content Warning: wedding ceremony inaccuracies, fluff

You laughed into your palms as Jack took the microphone and grinned sheepishly, “Hey guys! I’m Jack, the cooler of Quinn’s brothers.” You turned to your husband, “How bad are we expecting this to turn out?” Quinn laughed, “Almost as bad as Trevor standing up after the minister said ‘speak now or forever hold your peace’ and saying ‘don’t nobody say nothing’.” Jack grinned as you turned to face you and his brother, “I have one text from a Quinn Hughes, dated December 9th 2018. Jack no joke, I just met my wife. She’s perfect.”

Jack turned to face your wedding guests, “It should be noted that the first two weeks of December that year there was a horrendous snow storm in Vancouver so I initially didn’t believe him. Until he FaceTimed me the next day trekking through the snow holding a bouquet of lavenders that was bigger than his head, which is ideally a huge thing of flowers. He told me he was going to meet a girl for dinner. He called me again the next day, this time he was demanding to speak to our mom to learn how to make pasta as he was having someone over for dinner.”

Jack’s story earned laughs from the guests. Jack smiled at you and Quinn as he continued, “This continued through the remainder of December and the majority of January. It was nearing a month he’d been needing dating advice. So he called me once again trekking through the snow, but that time he wasn’t alone.” Jack turned to face you with a smile, “I was complaining about whatever stupid crap a 17 year old boy would. And then I saw Quinn get pelted in the face with a snowball. Then I heard Y/N squeal as she and Quinn ran through the snow covered streets of Vancouver throwing snowballs at each other and giggling.”

You laughed softly as you melted into your husbands side into a warm embrace, “I quickly learned that Y/N was perfect for my brother which was unexpected because Y/N is classy, kind and beautiful and Quinn is not. But after meeting her I have never had to question or wonder if my brother made the right choice. Because from the moment I met her, Y/N has shown nothing but grace, love and support for not just Quinn but my entire family. I could not be more proud to say, welcome to the family sis.” Your eyes welled with tears as you stood to go hug Jack, “I always wanted a little brother to annoy.” Jack smiled as he hugged you, “I always wanted a sister.”

You returned to your seat next to your husband as your best friend, Gracie stood up with the microphone, “I hold here a hot pink notebook sheet of paper dated April 13th 2006, it reads ‘GG I have a secret. I have to tell someone so your my friend now that I told you. Mrs Tkachuck’s son is cute. He is always skating at recess. I think he has really nice hair, maybe my husband will too. Anyways I got peanut butter sandwiches for lunch what did you get?’ This was the first note I ever received.”

You covered your face with your hands as you heard your husband whisper, “Please tell me it wasn’t Brady.” You laughed as Gracie continued, “The boy in the note did have really nice hair. Matthew Tkachuck everyone. That note would be seen as two 7 year old girls agreeing that a 9 year old was cute and bonding over lunch. But for me that singular note written in real glitter pen by the 7 year old who had no friends because she didn’t let anyone say anything mean to her. You, Y/N changed my life at just 7 years old.”

Quinn squeezed your hand reassuringly as you blinked back soft tears as Gracie continued, “You wouldn’t know this, because I never told you. But on Friendsgiving in 2018, when I pulled the longer side of the wishbone. I wished for you to find someone who would alter your life the way you altered mine. And then 13 days later I got a voicemail from you at 3 am. You had claimed you found the love of your life and his name was win. I unanimously decided that his name probably wasn’t actually win but more likely Quinn.”

You felt your gaze soften as Quinn pressed a kiss to your temple as your best friend finished her speech, “To my beautiful, perfect, amazing and wonderful best friend. To the rest of your life with a guy who treks through the snow a day after meeting you. PS your husband did end up having good hair.” You and Quinn erupted into soft giggles as you looked at each other. You smiled up at Quinn, “I so would have written love notes to you in teal glitter pens.” Quinn laughed, “I would trek through a million snowstorms to bring you flowers.”

You melted into a kiss as your mother in law took the stage, “My biggest baby. In your entire life I have only seen you love three things. Your family, hockey and the beautiful woman that is sitting next to you. And none of those things are in order. From the moment I met Y/N it was clear to me that you loved her more than anything else in the world. It’s in the eyes. You, Quinn Hughes have very telling eyes. I could tell by your eyes when you pushed Jack face first down a slide when you were 5 and he was 3. I knew from the look in your eyes the first time you snuck out. And I knew when I saw your eyes light up when Y/N offered to take Jack and Luke to hockey practice so me and your father could have a break.”

Ellen continued as she smiled at you, “I knew that you were long gone, there was no coming back. You were head over heels for her and honestly I think I was a little bit as well. For as long as I remember you and your brothers never liked each others friends or associates. Don’t get me started on girlfriends. But Jack and Luke came home and would not shut up about how much they liked Y/N. I knew then that she was perfect for you and she fit like a missing puzzle piece of our family. So it didn’t come as a shock to me when you called me less than a year later asking me to help you pick out engagement rings.”

Your jaw dropped, you hadn’t known that Quinn had thought about marrying you so quickly. Ellen smiled at you and her eldest son, “To my beautiful son and his even more beautiful wife. Watching you two navigate life together has been one of the most gracious gifts I’ve ever received.” You smiled warmly at your mother in law as you rested your head on your husbands shoulder, “So I’m picking up on the fact that apparently everyone around us including us knew from the beginning of our relationship that we’d end up here. Is it just me?” Quinn kissed your cheek, “Nope, definitely not just you.”

[inkievoid]

This thought just came to my head and I couldn’t help but giggle.

Imagine Chris invites Leon over to watch football on Sundays, and have a bomb ass barbecue of course; like all dads do on the weekends. But you didn’t really mind, it meant the kids would get off your back for a few hours and you could gossip with Chris’s wife.

The two of them would totally be standing by the grill, bud lights in their hands as they watched the TV outside on the patio, yelling at the players like they could hear them.

They’d hit that signature dad pose. Legs slightly spread apart, standing, arms crossed, you know which one I’m talking about.

Also they’d literally compliment each other on their barbecue and stuff. They’d spend hours just trying to smoke a brisket or something, having the typical bro talk while doing it.

- Anon! 🎀

(Chris looks like a Giants fan. No I will not be elaborating further.)

Literally can't decide which apron Chris would be wearing so here's all the options

With the middle one he'd definitely pat his wife's ass every time she walked by. She'd just stop and stare for a second and he'd point to the apron. She'd just nod and keep walking, use to his bullshit by now.

The wives would be talking about bitchy moms at the PTA as the kids play on the Redfield's giant playset. (Like think about a McDonald's play place and old chuck e. cheese playgrounds together. Just minus the child vomit and mildew smell). They're drinking wine, talking among themselves when they overhear their husbands talking.

"She's a beauty! Doesn't throw fits. Let's me do whatever I need to and I don't even need to put in much effort." You two life your heads, listening to Chris until Leon speaks up.

"Where'd you find her?"

"Street corner!" Chris's wife stands up, about to walk over until Leon's wife grabs her arm and forces her back in the seat.

"Some guy was moving and selling the old girl so I scooped her up and brought her home."

He's talking about the fucking grill...

Chris's wife sighs in relief. Feeling her heart return to her body as she chugs the rest of her wine. She was fully ready to knock some sense into that man...

Eventually Lulu walks over and wants to help her dad cook. He'd grab her little apron and make her stand by the side of the grill on a chair and hand his cheese slices for the burgers. Her apron:

To which Leon looks at Violet and asks her why she doesn't help him grill at home while she's getting one of the barrel juices from the kids cooler.

"You gonna pay me daddy?" He's stunned for a second and stares at her.

"What? Why would I pay you?"

"I was told to never do a job for a man who didn't pay me what I deserved."

"Who told you that?"

"Mommy." Leon looks up at his wife who's sipping her wine. Daring him to say a word. He just ruffles Violets he hair up.

"Good advice. Go play." His wife nods, going back to her conversation while Violet runs off.

I'd imagine the game would be a massive deal to the both of them. Like it's their teams against each other and they have a bet going. The game goes into overtime and eventually Leon's team wins and he's so excited he goes to cheer but sees his two girls are out like a light inside the living room of the house so he just tries keeping in his excitement so the kids can sleep until they finish packing up to go home.

[dozing-marshmallow]

Okey, hear me out.

Chris Mclean with a wife that is just THICC. Like she Has a bit of a chubby tummy with big thights, chest, behind etc.

She Has them amazing curves AND also is really sweet and caring towards everyone. You just look at her and you think "How the hell did Chris git with her?" And when you meet her you'r even more confused. Idk I just Imagine Chris be the kind of dude to find any excuse to ley his head on you cuz you just so comfortable and soft <33 and when you fell backpains cuz of you'r breasts he hires the best massagers[or just does it himself ;)]

If you'r uncomfortable its ok. But just let me know then so I don't wait like an idiot.

I hope you'll have a lovely day!

(sorry for aby gramer or spelling errors, English is not my first lenguage)

👀 pixar mom reader confirmed?? I’ll be for real, this was a lot of fun to write, and don’t worry about grammar mistakes! Thank you for the request and may you all enjoy and have a lovely day too~

CHRIS MCLEAN X “THICC”! WIFE! READER HEADCANONS

No one could deny how attractive you were.

Your own husband couldn’t resist you for more than half a day.

“Chriiis, what are you doing?” a question that often left your mouth imbued a different answer each time from Chris.

“You’re comfy, (Y/N).” his usually loud voice blocked by his face sinking as far as he could into your covered cleavage.

"Aren’t you honest!" you gently nudge his head,"But we have an episode to get to in two minutes, so if you just wanna...” you step back, forcing Chris into solitary.

He huffs, before getting an amazing idea- he puts his hand over his eyes,“Oh no! I can’t see where I’m going! Is this...” he zombie walks towards you and readjusts his head back on the natural pillow of your chest before you could properly make a run for it,“I made it to bed! Alright, I’m gonna stay right here until I regain my sight!”

“Chris!” you squall, finding displeasure that he wasn't taking you seriously and wasn't getting off so easily this time, with the hand he used to blind himself now tightened around you,“Come onn, there’ll be plenty of time to do this after we shoot the episode!”

“Just five more minutes, please (Y/N)!”

Not on days like that, albeit you do dress up in a bunny fit for him.

“You know I’m very fertile, Chris.” you press yourself up against him enticingly on his lap,“As fertile as a bunny rabbit can be.”

“I can tell.” his voice sounded composed, but his face was crazy red,“Can never get enough of your legs though. You know that you could choke someone with just one thigh, right?”

My, that sounds dangerous!,“Oh dear... I’m not that heavy, am I?”

“Never! It’s like I always say... Everything about you is awesome. Everything. From the top of your head to the core of your skeleton.”

“Well, that’s relieving...” You feel his hand exploring about on your round back,“How do you like these fishnets? Wore them just for you.”

His hands then squeeze through the space between under your thighs and the top of his lap, masking his extreme prurience with his dismissive,“Duh. Who else would you wear them for?”

With the contestants, you’re very friendly to them.

Like once beginning with brushing Lindsay’s hair,“Lindsay, you have such beautiful hair."

The “dumb princess” giggles,“I knoww! It’s the prettiest bare here!”

From the wide distance in which Chris stood from, he snaps a photo of you tending to Lindsay with his camera,“Aww!”

Seeing that strengthened Cody’s confidence to approach the hot host,“Hey Chris... I need to ask you advice on something.”

“Sure thing dude, what’s up?” Chris grinned, not taking his eyes off his camera.

“It’s..." the geek takes a breath,"How do you get girls?”

“You say exactly what’s on your mind.”

“Well, I do...” his voice quiet,“But every time I speak, Gwen looks at me like I’m a donkey carcass!”

"Sucks to be you, can’t relate one bit.”

Cody was about to whine his way into defending himself had he not fully noticed Chris’ lack of presence in the conversation. He was...taking pictures?

“Uh...why are you taking photos of (Y/N) when you get to see her everyday? If anyone should be taking pictures, it should be me!” He really didn’t think with that one.

“I know dude, but she’s into photography and she reaaaaaally likes having her pictures taken. It’s a favour for her and I.” he suddenly turns to Cody, washing a scowl on his face,“Save your photo taking skills for someone else, okay? Not on my someone who’s like old enough to be your mom. That’s just gross.”

Meanwhile with the girls:

“(Y/NNN), you should really reconsider your marriage.” Beth advises with a glum glaze reflecting off her glasses.

Confusion bubbles your mind,“What do you mean?” you ask, placing Lindsay’s brush down as you began dividing her hair into smaller sections.

“What does Beth mean?“ Sadie repeated like you were crazy,“(Y/N), you’re like a super goddess compared to Chris! He doesn’t deserve you.”

“Yeah, what Sadie said! I was thinking that too!” After Katie spends a minute gushing with Sadie about their unbreakable friendship, she turns back to you with concern,“But for real, you’re WOAH and there, Chris is...” she doesn’t feel the need to finish it, which takes you by surprise.

“Aww, what? He’s way more WOAH than I am!”

“That’s not true...” Bridgette curiously comments,“What do you see in that guy?”

“He makes me laugh.”

Pause.

Courtney’s the first to boom,“Seriously? There’s about ten thousand other men that can do that and not be as horrible as Chris is!”

“Ohh, but Chris isn’t horrible!” you exclaim, dropping Lindsay’s hair to clasp your hands for the moment,“He’s a wonderful guy! The most wonderful man I’ve met in my entire life!” 

“(Y/N)... You’re too nice.” Gwen breathes out exasperated, gothic view floats to your symmetrically defined waist,“Have you tried modelling before?”

“I have, yes, but I was rejected for not fitting the standards.”

“Impossible!” Lindsay flips her head around on impulsive shock. Thanks to her extensive hair length, it barely made a difference to the styling process.

“Possible. They said I wasn’t what they were looking for and told me to surgically change myself before reaching out to them again. As if!” you do the next batch of golden dyed hair,“While the experience wasn’t ideal, it reminded me of something that even as a grown woman I need to be careful of. At the time, I was actually willing to lose a part of me that I was perfectly fine with for the sake of a runaway platform. Doesn’t that sound ridiculous? To do all that for one place? Let this resonate that you as young girls should never feel that you need to ruin what you were naturally given to feel loved or pretty. If something or someone doesn’t accept you for who you are naturally, the relationship was not meant to be and you mustn’t dwell on them. Don’t do things to yourself that aren’t for yourself.”

You had done the final twist in the band of Lindsay’s hair.

...

All they could think by the end of it was

How the hell did Chris get with her.

Back to some private examples with lover man.

“I’m so exhausted!” you fall down in your armchair, groaning to Chris,“I could do with a new bra...”

He smirked,“That one you’re wearing too small?”

“Or I’m too big.” your hands shoot up through your shirt to unclip it, freedom freezing off the tension around your shoulders,“It’s hard to breathe sometimes, you know? These balls of feminine fat hang on my chest doing nothing all day, but weigh me down and kill my back! Sometimes I envy women with smaller boobs, they can move as much as they please and don’t need to spend hours on hours searching for clothes!”

“Yeah uh, I don’t think comparing yourself in this case is gonna help you feel better.” a cheeky glint fires across his pupils, his voice rasping gingerly,“How about a nice massage instead? All it costs is your love!” 

A tease of your own climbs up on your lips,“And by love, you mean a week’s worth of getting to sleep on me?”

“Huh? Oh no, of course not!” Liar. Look at how happy he was to do something for someone else. It was exactly what he wanted.

“Okay, okay.” you laugh and trudge to the bed, preparing to undress yourself.

Like Chris was gonna allow any masseuse, no matter how good they were, to see your body the way he could.

Especially if he could get a personal reward out of it.

You intentionally moaned when his fingers dug deep into your rhomboids.

“Better?” his tone still mischievous and salient.

You nod, sitting up and sighing in relief,“Much better... You’ve improved your technique, haven’t you?”

He scratches the back of his head, smiling sincerely,“You noticed? Well, of course, only the best for you.”

“Aw, aren’t you the best husband anyone can ask for?” you push yourself off the bed and wrap your arms around his neck, kissing his flustered cheek,“Thank you. Now who’s ready for a good night sleep?”

[fluffymaxsworld]

first post!! read please👇👇

before getting into it fr i want to make a few things clear!

1. i’m not english neither i’ve professionally studied english, i’m self learned, so i apologize for any mistake!

2. i’m a MINOR, i’m aware of what i write and i’ve already took the responsibility. in any case, i don’t want any minors end up like me so please DNI <33

3. it’s the first time EVER i write stuff and publish it, so i accept gladly any critique or advice as long as you don’t insult me, thanks :D

husband!leonkennedy x wifey!reader headcanons

(i wrote wifey but gender is not specified!)

i’m sorry, it’s a short post cause i’ve gotta study (i hate italian school)

sfw + mention of nsfw

• leon doesn't hesitate for a second when you ask him for something, which can be a Happy Meal or a yacht.

“babe, i was joking when i told you i wanted to live a castle!”

“whatever, i bought it, it’s yours.”

• he’s clingy, god, so much clingy. it’s even annoying, sometimes. when he’s at work, he’s gonna call at least twice a hour, checking on you or asking if you needed anything. and when he comes home expect cuddles, lots of them… and if they aren’t enough he’ll fuck you dumb till morning (so basically everyday).

• he listens to white girl music. you first discovered it when you arrived early from work and heard california girls blaring in the living room. ever since you caught him dancing to Snoop Dogg Katy Perry it's been taboo in the Kennedy household. he loves you, yeah, but don't try to remind him of what happened that night.

• [this is for my italian fellows out there] being half italian just like him was a sure great point in the relationship. you spend hours talking about how stupid americans are for putting pineapple on pizza, how much you love your origins and how attractive Monica Bellucci is (yes, she's the only woman you allow him to call attractive). plus, he LOVES talking to you in italian, especially some cheesy stuff like:

“sei così bella, sembri uscita da un film di sorrentino” (“you’re so beautiful, you look like you’re from a sorrentino’s movie”) [sorrentino is an italian film director and screenwriter]

“i tuoi occhi sono profondi e mi fanno sentire amato” (“your eyes are so deep and make me feel loved”)

• he’s a movies addicted. he forces you to watch every night a different movie. and it’s fun cause he always falls asleep in your arms before the ending.

NSFW!! MINORS DNI!

• having sex with leon kennedy is like getting a one-way ticket to heaven. he treats you gently but still roughly. he pushes your spots so well that you could come in seconds. he loves playing with your nipples, he likes to suck and pinch your sensitive buds, making you scream and moan. he's definitely dominant in bed, but he likes to be dominated, as long as you feel good about it. he likes to spank your ass, leaving a red mark that he would then lick, apologizing for leaving it. he bites your neck like a damn mosquito, so much so that one day you almost ran out of concealer. if you really want to enjoy sex just ignore him for two days, he will come to you like a lost dog and you’ll welcome him with open legs.

hope you enjoyed this short post <3 please share advices if you want!

DO NOT STEAL!! thanks<33

[youcouldmakealife]

LBTE: Jared (149-150)

In which Jared is the last to find out about his sister's new boyfriend, and he takes it just as calmly as you'd expect.

If you would like to follow along the series page is here.

“Um,” Jared says, when he opens the front door of their apartment to find Bryce beaming right at him.

Like, right at him. Like if Jared had swung open the door without paying attention he might have smacked Bryce right in his beautiful face.

Literally ran to the door like a puppy hearing its human come home.

“I’m allowed to train again!” Bryce says.

“Like,” Jared says. “Very carefully?”

“Very carefully,” Bryce confirms, and then, as if he’s trying to completely undermine Jared’s confidence that he’ll take that advice seriously, bolts into the living room at high speed.

A puppy with the zoomies.

Jared catches “—sorry, had to tell Jared—“, which he thinks means Bryce literally dropped everything to tell him, everything presumably being a call with Elaine. Though it could be someone else, Jared supposes. Theoretically.

“—love you too, mom,” Bryce says, then reappears so quickly Jared thinks he bolted right back.

Zoom zoom. (To no one’s surprise, he did — albeit with ‘one sec I think Jared’s home’ first. Elaine didn’t mind)

“Come on!” Bryce says, and that’s how Jared caps off an entire day at the gym by going to another, closer gym, and trying not to helicopter husband, partly because they’re in public, and partly because Bryce might bite his head off if he gets between him and the equipment after a long absence.

Relationship with Jared over, now gym equipment is Bryce’s best friend.

Jared says nothing, even when a piece of penne lands on the carpet. Bryce is too happy about all the complaining he’s doing to deflate him. And it’s not like Jared’s worried Bryce is going to go hungry.

He does, however, make Bryce clean the pasta up, because if he didn’t he’s pretty sure Bryce would literally not even notice it was there. He has to do it again himself after Bryce does a half-assed job and then puts his nose right in his phone. Thank fuck it wasn’t a tomato based sauce or their carpet would be toast. Why do they even have a carpet? They’re clearly not responsible enough for one.

Seriously, carpet should have disqualified the place.

“Uh, J?” Bryce says. “You might want to check twitter?”

“Signing?” Jared asks on his way back from the kitchen. It’s getting around that time where some of the stragglers realise a contract-less season is imminent and take whatever offers are still available. That or teams realise they’re missing a key piece of the picture and start looking into what’s available and affordable. “Trade?”

“Um,” Bryce says, his whole body a wince, which is — concerning. “Just look?”

No fucking way Bryce is telling him, you can’t make him.

“Did they trade Gabe?” Jared asks.

They can’t trade Gabe. Gabe’s franchise, one of only two players from that Cup season still on the Canucks. He’s a fan favourite, and a sizeable contingent of their younger fans don’t remember a team without him. It’s pretty much an open secret he wants to spend his entire career in Vancouver, and that’s mutual. Also Stephen would fight management. Possibly literally.

Also Jared would be sad, so clearly it’s not allowed.

It has to be someone on the team who means more to Jared than they do to Bryce, considering it’s something Bryce thinks Jared needs to see for himself, which leaves Gabe and —

Literally it’s just Gabe.

Also Stephen, but Jared’s pretty sure Brian can’t trade him.

“Nobody’s traded!” Bryce says. “Just. You need to see it? Instead of me telling you about it?”

Not for a million dollars will Bryce tell him.

If people on the internet are talking about how hot they think Jared’s dad is again, he swears to god —

One of my favourite subplots that doesn’t make the main narrative — Don the DILF.

“Erin’s trending again,” Bryce says.

Jared’s sister trending on twitter is really not something that Jared expected to happen twice. Like, even in a big Canadian market, that’s getting slightly absurd for a the sister of a middle-six forward.

Imagine how she feels. (She again thinks it’s funny)

Bryce gently kicks him in the shin. “You might want to look it up.”

“No thanks,” Jared says.

Bryce kicks him again. “Seriously, though.”

“If I do will you stop kicking me?” Jared asks.

“Yeah,” Bryce says.

Please look this up out of your own volition so you won’t shoot Bryce Marcus, Messenger.

“J,” Bryce says. “He’s clearly not going to pick up.”

Jared hits ‘end’ and then ‘call’ for the fourth time.

Surely he will pick up the fourth time you call to yell at him.

“Maybe just leave a message?” Bryce suggests weakly.

“Are you fucking my sister?” Jared asks when the operator’s finished telling him the number he has dialled is currently unavailable, because Julius couldn’t even be bothered to set his voicemail message after literal years in Canada. “And pick up your fucking phone, Halla, I swear to god.”

Bryce regrets his suggestion.

“What,” he says.

“He’s probably not going to want to call you back?” Bryce says. “If you sound like that?”

“Nobody cares what Julius wants!” Jared says.

“Um,” Bryce says. “Are you — okay?”

Bryce increasingly realising Jared was completely blindsided by this and mentally rewinding to every time he thought Jared was just ignoring the relationship out of pettiness.

“You knew about this,” Jared says with dawning realisation.

Bryce looks shifty.

“You knew,” Jared says. “And you let me find out from twitter.”

“I didn’t know know,” Bryce says.

They have not been formally told, but nobody has been hiding this from them. See: several parts ago, when Erin was visiting a friend in Edmonton (nobody told Jared it was a university friend, as he stated, Jared just assumed it must be because he knows Erin didn’t keep in touch with anyone from high school or earlier. Neither Matheson sibling is a big friend maker)

“Jared,” Bryce says, then, from the other side of a slammed door, “Hey, that’s my room!”

Jared is sulking, so by all rights the sulking room now belongs to him.

He’d ask if the picture was misinterpreted, like it was with Bryce, but there really aren’t that many interpretations for a kiss. Sure, some cultures greet one another with kisses, but as far as Jared is aware, the Finns are not one of them, and neither are the Mathesons.

Ah yes, the famed Matheson culture. Signs of affection are ribbing, mockery, and snide.

And even if a kiss on the mouth was a Finnish greeting, it’d be one Julius would pointedly not do. Julius doesn’t like participating in things.

This is so accurate but hilarious from Jared because it’s one of the reasons they get along so well.

He’s not your liney anymore. Erin replies. P sure both your current lineys are already taken.

Also he’s literally on a rival team now? That’s like the anti-liney.

Ene-liney.

So you’re not denying it. Jared texts. He originally ended the text an exclamation mark, but that looked too dramatic. He’s fine. He’s chill.

So you’re not denying it!

Is this a thing? Jared writes, after deleting the two extra question marks that somehow popped up.

Is this a thing???

How long has this been a thing? Jared asks.

Officially? Like two weeks.

Before this there was some hanging out. But the euphemism-y kind of hanging out. And some texting while Julius was away. But Julius came back from Finland early, even before it was ‘officially’, which makes it a full-on Thing.

Unofficially? Jared asks.

Idk. You know how it is, Erin replies.

Jared does not know how it is. He can’t even begin to guess what she’s referring to, he has so little awareness of how it is. He met Bryce and that was it for him. Well. Give or take a few weeks and a minor grudge.

Oh we’re calling it a minor grudge now?

Wait no you don’t you were engaged at my age hahaha

Erin obviously knows Jared was engaged at nineteen, and gave him shit for it at the time (her ‘I can’t believe you’re going to be a child bride’ is one of my favourite lines in the entire series) but now that she’s nineteen herself?

His phone lights up with another text, which is just hahahahahaha and crying laughing emojis.

She’s dying what were they THINKING.

“Can I come in?” Bryce asks meekly.

“Fine,” Jared says, since it’s not like he’s talking to Erin anymore. Though he doesn’t know why Bryce would want to. This is the sulking room, and Bryce doesn’t seem sulky about this at all.

Only Big Sulky Babies allowed.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you?” Bryce says, perching on the bed beside Jared as Jared tries to forcibly wipe his brain clean. “I just — kind of thought it was something we both knew but we were like, pretending we didn’t know so you could ignore it forever.”

Look at Bryce supportively pretend something doesn’t exist because he fears for Jared’s sanity.

“Don and I are cool now,” Bryce says. “Sort of. Mostly. He hasn’t insulted me to my face in like – a while. Huh. That’s a good sign.”

Don did mean it about Bryce being a member of the family after he married Jared. You don’t insult family. Mock? Sure. Tease? Absolutely. But insult? Absolutely not.

“Why didn’t someone actually say ‘hey Jared, you do know this is a thing, right?’” Jared asks. His immediate family and Julius all know that Jared can be, well —

Someone should have made sure he was aware, is the point.

“I honestly think Erin just wanted to see how long it’d take you to figure it out if no one actually said ‘hey Jared, Erin and Julius are dating’,” Bryce says. “And apparently the answer was a picture on twitter?”

Everyone assumed Jared already knew and was pointedly ignoring it. Except Erin. She knew that Jared would yell at her or Julius when he knew, and therefore he was still in the dark.

Bryce looks shifty again. “Ash told me that Erin said that?”

Which means Ash knows, obviously. And that Ash and Bryce have discussed this. So Chaz must know. And Maia. Not that babies know things, just —

Don’t worry, Jared, I promise Maia didn’t know before you.

Fucking Oilers fans found out about this before Jared did. Flames fans did.

He doesn’t know why, but the fact Flames fans knew this before Jared did makes this so much worse than if it was just Oilers fans.

This is simultaneously a weird thing to get stuck on, yet also totally understandable. Oilers fans are Julius fans. Flames fans are Julius haters. But also may remember Erin from Bryce drama. Also fuck Flames fans, all Jared’s homies hate Flames fans.

Jared’s phone buzzes from where he tossed it after the last emoji round. He bets it’s more hahahahas. Possibly some skulls. Erin likes to die laughing.

She can’t hahaha any longer, she’s already dead from laughing.

150. Affront

Jared thinks people are supposed to be afraid of death. He’s pretty sure that’s common, reasonable. When threatened with death, people should feel fear. But what is Julius Halla doing right now? He’s laughing. At Jared.

He basically lived with you, Jared, he knows just how little true bite there is in you.

“Stop laughing,” Jared hisses. “You traitor.”

“Who am I a traitor to,” Julius says. He sounds vaguely curious, like someone who’s been accused of something ludicrous, and is interested to see how you came to that conclusion. Which is rich, for a traitor.

But who is he a traitor TO, Jared?

“Me!” Jared says. “And friendship! And lineys! And — there’s a code!”

I do enjoy Jared continually using Julius being his liney as a reason when they have now been divisional rivals longer than they were ever linemates.

“You think it’s the definition of toxic masculinity,” Julius says. “And that it frequently treats women as objects and prizes to be won, and also acts like showing affection towards your friends is gay. And you’re gay, and you think showing affection is disgusting, so obviously there is no connection.”

He listens <3

“She’s like, ten!” Jared says. “She’s way too young for you.”

Julius is very quiet. “How much older than you is—“

There’s about a two and a half year age difference between Erin and Julius. Bryce and Jared’s is just shy of four years. As Julius well knows, the bastard.

“Eating my food and dating my sister,” Jared says. “Who is a child.”

“How old were you when you got engaged?” Julius asks.

Jared can only an inarticulate sound of rage in answer, because Julius knows exactly how old he was when he got engaged.

The answer is ‘exactly as old as Erin is now’. As Julius is well aware, the BASTARD. Also, a missing word, my bad.

“Wait,” Jared says, suddenly horrified. More horrified. “You’re not engaged, are you?”

“No!” Julius says, sounding equally horrified.

This question isn’t the reason Julius doesn’t want to get married, but it certainly did not help.

“How did this even happen,” Jared moans. “Wait. Don’t tell me. I don’t want to know anything. Why didn’t you tell me.”

This feels like a trick question.

“I wanted to wait to tell you in person,” Julius says. “Because I was concerned you’d be, well. You know.”

People keep telling Jared he knows things that he does not know.

“I don’t know,” he says.

“Hysterical,” Julius says.

“I am not hysterical!” Jared says.

This might be more believable if Jared hadn’t shrieked that last bit.

The fact Bryce bursts out laughing in the living room contradicts that statement, but Julius can’t hear him. And maybe it’s coincidental laughter. Maybe Bryce is watching something funny. Because Jared is not hysterical.

“Wait, Erin didn’t think I’d be hysterical?” Jared says.

Look, Jared may deny he’s hysterical, but also — why didn’t Erin think he’d be hysterical? Even if he isn’t. Because he is not. But also — really?

For all of Erin’s many…many…many faults, an inability to predict Jared’s behaviour is unfortunately not one of them. She used her predictive ability for blackmail purposes way too much when they were younger, always caught him in the act when he was breaking the few house rules he ever broke then threatened to snitch if Jared didn’t do shit for her. He made her so many grilled cheese sandwiches. To this day he associates grilled cheese with smug smiles and extortion.

Admission of hysteria. Also Jared makes an excellent grilled cheese sandwich. Worth surveillance for blackmail purposes for sure.

“But I was in Finland at the beginning of summer,” Julius says. “And then Bryce injured his shoulder, and you went to Vancouver, and there was no good time. And then twitter.”

Julius, if asked, would say they were a thing months earlier than Erin would. But they had not yet defined the relationship.

“She’s fine,” Julius says. “She thinks it’s funny.”

He sounds faintly scandalised. Which is understandable, because it’s not funny.

“Did you tell her it’s not funny,” Jared says.

“I did,” Julius says. “She says she gets to decide if it’s funny or not.”

“But it’s not funny,” Jared says.

“I know,” Julius says.

Counterpoint from Erin: it’s fucking hilarious, you’re both just boring.

“Don’t like —“ Jared says, then pauses, because there are a lot of different demands warring in him right now. “That’s my sister, Halla.”

“I know,” Julius says. “Would it help if I told you I have…strong…feelings—“

“Gross,” Jared says. “Stop talking.”

“Okay,” Julius says, sounding greatly relieved.

I love their friendship. Every time feelings are involved they both react like cats getting sprayed with water.

“No,” Jared says. “Obviously it is. Did you know that they were together?”

There’s a silence.

“Mom?” Jared says.

“…did you not?” his mom asks. “Jared!”

NOBODY was hiding this from Jared. Nobody.

“Erin’s spent more time in Edmonton than Calgary since her semester ended,” mom says.

“She has a friend there,” Jared says, then, “Oh.”

Yes.

There's only one direct reference to Erin and Julius’ relationship before Jared finds out in the series, because I had to ride a careful line there, as Jared hadn’t noticed anything, so his POV wouldn’t really reflect the information he wasn’t paying attention to.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jared demands. ‘Friend’ is not telling him. ‘Friend’ is a euphemism you use when the other person already knows.

“I thought you knew!” his mom says. “And were just immaturely pretending that as long as you didn’t acknowledge it then it wasn’t actually happening!”

Jared thinks it might be a concerning sign that the two people who know him best both assume he thinks that if he pretends something hard enough, it won’t happen.

Yes that might indicate something about you, Jared.

“Yes!” Jared says. “Why aren’t you mad about this? Your daughter’s dating a hockey player. A hockey player. And you’re letting her?”

“You’re a hockey player, Jared,” his mom says. “As is your husband. And literally all of your friends.”

This isn’t exactly Grace’s mom upon finding out she was dating Raf.

“That’s just people in general, sweetie,” his mom says. “And we know Julius is a nice young man.”

“He is not,” Jared says. Julius is many things, but he is not nice.

“You know what I mean by nice, Jared,” his mom says.

He’s not a nice boy, but he is a good one. Also he speaks Matheson quite fluently.

“You can’t just assume that I like him.”

“Jared,” his mom says. “You love that boy. You brought him home for Christmas.”

“Out of the kindness of my heart,” Jared says.

“You brought home someone you don’t like for Christmas out of the kindness of your heart,” his mom says. “And then you invited him to your wedding. As one of the handful of guests who wasn’t immediately related to you or Bryce. Out of the kindness of your heart.”

Jared, we all know there is not even close to that much kindness in your heart.

“Obviously you like him, or he wouldn’t be one of your best friends,” his mom says. “And since you’re choosy about who you’re friends with, that means a lot. You have extremely good taste in friends, when you actually bother to make them.”

Jared picks at the hem of his shorts.

Jared thinks it’s quite rude for his mom to use facts and reason against him when he is intent on being unreasonable.

“Gross, love,” Jared says.

“I won’t tell Erin you love her, I promise,” his mom says.

“Good,” Jared says. “Ew.”

How dare anyone say he loves his (demon) sister.

“Jared,” his mom says. “Are you making this all about you?”

“No,” Jared says.

“Jared,” his mom says.

“Well it’s a little bit about me, isn’t it!” Jared says. “He’s my friend. And liney.”

“Former liney,” his mom says. Everyone’s so fixated on that part. Liney status can last past being teammates. Look at Jared and Chaz: linemates for life. Even though Bryce subsequently stole Chaz a little, despite the fact they played on completely different lines on the Flames. Not that it’s stealing. Couples share.

Jared can share. Look at how good Jared is at sharing. He only holds Bryce befriending Chaz against him a little, years down the line. That’s sharing.

Eventually Julius is going to get exposed to Erin’s sparkling personality.

He’s had some exposure therapy, rooming with Jared.

Jared would mention that long-distance relationships are highly prone to failure, but he’s pretty sure mom would bring up how much of his relationship with Bryce involved long-distance, and Jared is frankly sick of people reminding him of his own extremely successful relationship, and not letting him be hypocritical.

What bullshit.

He hates arguing with his mom. It’s like arguing with himself, except worse, because at least when he argues with himself, he always technically wins.

The best kind of argument.

“You remind me so much of your dad right now,” mom says.

“Mom!” Jared says.

“A little Don in the making,” his mom says. “He’d be so proud.”

Jared tries to tell her to take it back, but all he can manage is an inarticulate sound of rage. Again.

The cruelest thing you could say to him.

“I got Thai from that place on Burrard you really like,” Bryce says, then, all in a rush, “Sorry for assuming you knew about Julius and Erin and were just pretending you didn’t instead of like, actually not knowing. If I knew you actually didn’t know I would have told you. Or made Erin tell you because it wouldn’t be my place to tell you or. Are you mad at me?”

Sala Thai, for anyone curious. Also, poor Bryce. He really did think Jared knew.

“Did you get me soup to shut me up?” Jared asks.

“I got you it because it’s your favourite?” Bryce says, looking both hurt and confused.

Poor, poor Bryce.

“—and doesn’t he realise what Erin’s like?” Jared says. “Because he is going to be unpleasantly surprised when he gets to know her a little better.”

“Uh,” Bryce says. “I think he’s had a pretty good preview of what Erin’s like?”

BRYCE, NO. I mean, you are 100% correct, but NO.

“We are nothing alike,” Jared says.

“Erin made the exact same face when I said that,” Bryce says. “Like. That’s almost creepy.”

“You’ve said this to her?” Jared says.

“Yeah, because you’re both—“ Bryce says, then, “Ow! She did that too!”

Why do Mathesons keep smacking Bryce’s arm when he tells them the truth?

“We’re nothing alike,” Jared mutters.

Bryce says nothing, but he’s got this look on his face like ‘I’m humouring you right now by not arguing, but you know and I know that you’re full of shit’.

“Stop — looking at me with that face,” Jared says.

Bryce huffs out a laugh. “Erin said—“

Jared can’t hear him.

“Jared,” Bryce says, muffled. “Jared, I know you can hear me.”

Jared cannot.

Erin wasn’t immature enough to put her hands over her ears though, that one’s all Jared.

“Take it back,” Jared says.

“No,” Bryce says. “I’m not pretending something isn’t true just because you don’t like it, that’s ridiculous.”

Jared picks up his noodles.

“I got you soup,” Bryce says sadly as Jared stomps right back to the sulking room, this time with dinner.

Poor, poor Bryce.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

reading update: DECEMBER 2023

what's up gamers!!!! 2023 is over, and before I can make a post reflecting on every book I read I need to talk specifically about what I was reading in December. I was lucky enough to end the year coming out of a pretty dire depressive fug, and I celebrated by going buckwild reading as much as possible and placing so many holds at the local library that I will, probably, come to regret any day now. such is the price of being in love with life again, I guess!

let's talk about it!!!

what I read:

Buffalo is the New Buffalo (Chelsea Vowel, 2022) - a collection of Métis speculative fiction short stories. Vowel's stories didn't always quite land for me, feeling as if they would benefit from another round or two of revisions and a bit of elaboration, but even when they fell a little flat the concepts were promising. I especially adored the story "Michif Man," in which a mid-twentieth century Métis man is gored by a radioactive buffalo and develops strange powers that he uses to defend his community, told through the fascinating framing device of a 21st century scholar's speech making a case for Michif Man's existence. I also really liked the closing story, "Unsettled," which felt like really cool old school sci-fi: five clashing characters alone burdened with the responsibility of tending to the rest of humanity frozen in stasis, with each character serving as a mouthpiece for a vastly different perspective and set of values about their Indigenous identity. hit or miss collection for me, but the hits hit much harder than the misses missed.

The Bandit Queens (Parini Schroff, 2023) - this book was genuinely so so hard to put down!!! the story follows a group of women in a small Indian village as they decide to start solving problems by murdering their husbands, turning to Geeta - whose widely believed to have killed her own husband years ago - for advice. the only problem is that Geeta didn't kill him, he just walked out on her. and now she's caught in a RAPIDLY tangling web of murder, blackmail, and hidden motives among women she's never let herself get close to. it's a dark comedy, to be sure, but also surprisingly heartfelt, exploring the countless factors - gender, class, caste, religion, motherhood, beauty - that keep Geeta and the other women apart as well as the forces powerful enough to pull them together. it's a book about the power of friendship and also the power of going ape shit.

Small Game (Blair Braverman, 2022) - a VERY different book from Bandit Queens on every level, but equally hard to put down! Braverman is something of a professional wilderness survivor, and decided to write a story about a similarly experienced young woman, Mara, signing up for a survival-themed reality show where everything goes wrong. one day the camera crew simply fails to show up, and everything shifts when the contestants are forced to shift from surviving for show to actually fighting for their lives. a book that's gross and tender in equal amounts; Braverman is a very good storyteller and I'm strongly looking forward to anything else she puts out.

Are You My Mother? (Alison Bechdel, 2012) - a gorgeously drawn and terrifyingly vulnerable graphic memoir. a spectacularly brave endeavor; while I would never discount the tremendous artistry of Bechdel's more well-known Fun Home, I cannot imagine the terror of writing something like this about my mother when she's still alive to read it. absolutely ruinous if you yourself have any remotely complicated feelings about your mother, I will tell you that much!!!!

The Heart Principle (Helen Hoang, 2021) - Helen Hoang is so good that I didn't even count this as my romance novel of the month; this was just a book that I sincerely wanted to read. apparently quite a few reviewers on goodreads whined about how this shouldn't qualify as a romance novel because it's too sad, to which I say those people are fucking wieners. Heart Principle gets heavy, sure, with protagonist Anna navigating the sudden illness and death of her elderly father, but at the same time she's finding happiness and new ways to be herself and having the best sex of her life with resident hottie Quan, who's been a gem of a supporting character in this series since Kiss Quotient. it gets sad as hell, for sure, but it's also a mature, touching, and sexy story of two people developing a bond that encourages them both to embrace life and grow together. also, hi, Anna finding out she's autistic is SUCH a source of joy and eventual self confidence for her and it's SO nice to read.

Out There Screaming: An Anthology of New Black Horror (ed. Jordan Peele, 2023) - listen. it's a very good short story collection, filled to the bursting with some of the best writers in the game. there are very few stinkers in the bunch, which is really impressive for a collection with so many stories. but. it very seldom felt properly... scary? spooky, creepy, mysterious, supernatural, sure. but I want to be scared!!!! fuck me up!!! Us got under my skin and scared me in a way that I still think about years later, and I was expecting something similar from an anthology edited by Jordan Peele. so on that note I would actually really strongly recommend this is you like being a little spooked but not terrified!

Kiss Her Once for Me (Alison Cochrun, 2022) - this one was the romance novel of the month, voted on by my patrons, and incidentally my patrons should go to prison. listen. this book sucks shit. god, this protagonist sucks. I know the point of this kind of story is for characters to start in a place where they're flawed and you want to see them improve as people, but Ellie is just so endlessly whiny that I don't want to see her improve, I want her to shut the fuck up and stop using her anxiety as an excuse to be wildly unpleasant to everyone else. the chemistry between the main characters was what I call the "because I said so" variety, by which I mean there was no chemistry despite the narrative insisting repeatedly that there definitely was. (incidentally, Ellie had way better chemistry with the man she was fake engaged to, meaning I was actually really rooting for the hetero option for once.) also Cochrun is apparently a huge swiftie and referenced Taylor Swift a truly unwell amount of times in this book. dismal all around.

Mammoths at the Gates (Nghi Vo, 2023) - Nghi Vo can do absolutely no wrong and is one of the authors whose new releases I will ALWAYS be showing up for. Mammoths at the Gates is the latest in the Singing Hills Cycle of novellas, and sees the cleric Chih leaving their quest for stories in order to return home to Singing Hills Abbey after years on the road. they're excited to be home, but nothing is as peaceful as they'd have hoped: an old friend has been promoted, straining their relationship, and a beloved mentor has died, creating a complication when their family come to lay claim to the body. it's a book about death in the best way, by which I mean it's very much a book about life, and I read it all in one delightful morning racing to the gentle shock of the ending.

what am I reading now?

God: A Biography (Jack Miles, 1995) - this is a book rec I scooped from Oh No Ross and Carrie and it is. such a weird reading experience, but I'm enjoying it! this God dude is nuts!

Masters of Death (Olivie Blake, 2018) - I'm not very far into this book yet, and I can't decide if the prose is fun or annoying. maybe both!

what's next: a list of books I have on hold

Patternmaster (Octavia Butler)

Laziness Does Not Exist (Devon Price)

Piñata (Leopoldo Gout)

[mesillusionssousecstasy]

No Good Deed: Quotes

"- Do you two ever quit it? I mean, you're making everyone uncomfortable." (Greg - episode 1)

"- Can I offer some unsolicited advice? I just wanted to confirm that you got my e-mail because I sent it over eight hours ago, and I still haven't received a response, which honestly seems rude." (Phyllis - episode 2)

"- Why? When? Uh... with who? I can't believe this is happening to me in real life. This is like season 19, Rising Tides. You've made a cuck out of me. (JD) - No. No . (Margo) - You made me a card-carrying cuck." (JD - episode 2)

"- He needs helps, Paul." (Greg - Episode 3)

"- Not another 50 grand so he can go buy, like, a brick of drugs." (Paul - Episode 3)

"- Do you know where I could get any drugs? Like hard drugs? (Paul) - Really, Paul? What, 'cause I'm a gay realtor in LA, I must know where to get drugs? (Greg) - No, no, no.... (Paul) - I am not a stereotype, sir. (Greg) - Course not. Course not. (Paul) - I am a person. That's 'cause I have allergies, okay? We're in the middle of a superbloom. (Greg) - Right. (Paul) - And also because I do coke. (Greg) - Oh. Okay. See? Now, that's great news, 'cause... so do I." (Paul - episode 3)

"- Listen, I am 75. I ain't seen a doctor since '75, and I'm just fine." (Episode 3)

"- What the fuck, Paul? In what world do you think you can buy cocain with costume jewelry?" (Greg - episode 3)

"- It's a long story. - Well, skip the prologue, Dad." (Episode 3)

"- So? - So I came up with a... a kind of plan. - A plan to what? Reward his inhumanity with a fuckin' bomb-ass time?" (Episode 3)

"- What do you think he's in for? (Paul) - Well, he's not a stereotype. He's a person. But I'd say double homicide. (Greg) - If not triple." (Paul - episode 3)

"- I have a really good feeling about them. Beautiful intergenerational family. (Greg) - Uh-huh. Cancel it. (Paul) - Why? 'Cause you're in the middle of a hang-xiety spiral? No one gives a shit. (Greg - episode 4)

"- But I do think if you're serious about making an offer, I want you to think about a number where you're comfortable landing and then go way above that." (Greg - episode 4)

"- My husband is about to publish his second bestseller. (Carla) - Yeah. - What? What was his first? - Shadowcasters. (Carla) - I don't know why I asked. I don't read. - Oh. Okay." (Episode 4)

"- I mean, we can't let a little murder get in the way of that." (Episode 5)

"- I hope you don't think we were stalkin' you. - Oh, well, I didn't until you just said that." (Episode 5)

"- That sounds rough. - I know I'm only 33, but I am so tired." (Margo - Episode 5)

"- But... I think I might have convinced him to sell us the house. (Margo) - Yeah? How? (JD) - I just told him what he wanted to hear." (Margo - episode 5)

"- Actually, that's worse than what you said. - Well, it's what I meant, so..." (Episode 6)

"- That's not the man I wanna be. But I have been creatively constipated." (Dennis - episode 6)

"- And, like, I know you hate spoilers, but he dead." (Episode 6)

"- Well, as a Black woman giving birth in this country, it's way more likely I'll die than you. (Carla) - You're just saying that to make me feel better. (Dennis) - In what world does that make you feel better? (Carla) - It doesn't. (Dennis) - It shouldn't. (Carla - episode 6)

"- Eh. Let's do some cocaine and work through it." (Episode 6)

"- I'm not hiding anything. I just don't say everything I'm thinking out loud in full voice in public." (Episode 6)

"- I've had a lot of writers in here. You're a scared bunch. I used to be scared. Then I realized life is just transitions. but that's the beautify of it all. (Technician) - What about death? (Dennis) - It's just one more transition. We all have a limited time. What matters is what we do with it. You know, if you die before your book comes out, you'll never have to read any reviews." (Technician - episode 6)

"- And Phyllis is a full-on kook-a-dook. - She's not a kook-a-dook! Don't say that. You don't know what else she has going on." (Episode 7)

"- I knew if I left you, you... you'd be all alone. 'Cause no one in their right mind would wanna be with the person you've become!" (Paul - episode 7)

"- Sometimes, when you... hold onto something that long... The lie becomes the lie." (Lydia - Episode 8)

"- Well, naturally, I thought you were slain by raccoons and buried in a hollow tree. Why else would I be sent to voicemail six times, Lydia?" (Paul - episode 8)

"- I need my 12%. This ass doesn't personal train itself." (Greg - episode 8)

"- But I have to make sure that you loved me for me. (Carla) - I definitely don't love you for the billion dollars I didn't know about." (Dennis - Episode 8)

"- Is there anything about you that's real, or is it all just Gucci and lies? (JD) - And it's not all Gucci. (Margo - Episode 8) "- You evil cunt. You know what? You might be able to put on a pretty face, but I can see the real you. And bad fucking taste! Like a fucking Vegas brothel in here! " (Lydia - Episode 8)

[vivianleighwishesshewasme]

Italian Beasts Beauty-chapter 12

Just like Italy

Charlotte and Luca have a massive fight. Ada drops a bomb on Charlotte that changes her view on the Shelby's.

_____________________________________________________________

 Just like Italy

Luca grit his jaw and tried slipping past her through yet another gilded hallway in their vast apartment. His shoulders ache from the strong tension vibrating through his back and neck. His jaw was clenched and anger flashed through his green eyes but that wasn’t stopping his little bride from reading the room and dropping her questions. 

He didn't have time to cater to her today. He was going to be late.

“I don't understand why I'm not invited! “ Charlotte knew she was five minutes away from her husband's famous temper boiling over on her. She was following him around from room to room pestering him about his secret meeting today. 

He had been dashing around all morning scrambling to get ready. He'd taken extra care of shaving, adding fragrance and dressing. 

He'd gently moved past her, grabbed her by the shoulders and picked her up to move her, now he looked almost murderous.

“ Pet dogs get out more than I do!” She stomped her foot and placed herself in his path. 

His green eyes flashed with rage, his jaw was shut so hard she could hear his teeth grind. 

He was livid! 

She still had yet to have more than a handful of lessons in Italian but she knew the tone and a few of the words that were being spat out. 

Curses fell off his lips like dripping venom. He was ready to strike. 

“ Fucking insolent child.”  He raises his hand and combs in through his hair. “Fuckin move!” He growled low and menacing. He was towing over her. She doubted at this moment that he had plans of gently moving her. 

“ Did you just call me a child? I'm not a child you dumbass, I'm your wife. I should know where you're slinking off to. You're dressed like it's a date.” Charlotte stood shaking, unwavering in her own kindling rage. Why didn’t he just spit it out?!

“ What did you just say to me?!” There was a literal inch of space between the two lovers. Heat raided between them like a desert strom. Never moving. She really did it now. 

“ For your information, this is a private lunch between me and my ma today, Charlotte. Which I'm now going to be late for.I WILL deal with you when i get back.” He leaned down, gravel filled voice raw and tender. He barely opened his mouth to talk to her. 

“ Your mom loves me!” She snapped at him. It was true. What was he hiding? 

“ Not today she don't tesoro. Today is the anniversary of Angelo's death. You know, the day YOUR FATHER SENSELESSLY KILLED MY BABY BROTHER!” He roared at her. A little bit of spittle touched her face. She refused to blink. Once the realization hit though, it hit her like a ton of bricks crumbling her resolve. 

“ I didn't know. You could have just told me that.” God, she knew it was stupid and insensitive once it came spilling out of her dumb large mouth. 

Pain riddled his face, regret flashing through his usually tender eyes.  

How in the world was she going to fix this with him? She’d fucked up, big time. 

“Luca, I’m so s…”

“ I don't…want. . to..talk.. about..it.” He stood up and grabbed his hat, not bothering to button his jacket as he stormed out. The door slammed echoed through the large and lonely apartment. 

She needed to think about her apology. 

She knew…she knew today she was a Shelby…..

______________________________________________________________

“ London, England please ... .Ada Thorne Shelby “ Charlotte tapped the desk with her well filled nails. She has snuck into his office, a forbidden room even here in New York. She didn't care. She needed advice now. 

“ Charlotte, love is that you?” Ada’s voice sounded so beautiful and cheerful. She missed the Birmingham accent, hell any English accent. 

New Yorkers sounded like drunken Americans slurring their words. Harsh and vulgar. She missed home so much. 

“ Lottie, luv, are you alright.” She asked again. 

“ Not even close! Apparently today is the day my dad killed Luca’s brothers. He didn't tell me and we really got into it. Today I'm Shelby.” She fussed and fummed. She felt so useless at the moment. 

“ He tried. His favorite insult was to call me Shelby when I wasn't a dumb obedient bride.” Ada chuckled at the memories. It had been so many years but Charlotte knew she still missed Freddie. She’d never remarried. 

“ Oh my God! Luca does the same thing!!! He even spanked me earlier today when he was getting dresses like I was a..a pet or his fucking child!” She flopped down on his desk chair.  She felt bad going back and forth with her emotions. She was partially at fault and she knew that. There was no way on Christmas that she’d be okay…why did she expect him to? She spun back and forth around his chair, mindful to not get knotted up in the phone cord. She needed to get her energy out. 

“ I'd have cut his balls off…he's Italian, he'd recognize the threat. What brought that about, the spanking I mean? You're arguing?” Ada’s question rubbed Charlotte the wrong way. She’d instigated it today. Neither one was very good at reining in their temper. 

“ Oh, he rises to the occasion enough.“ She snarked back. She was shuffling papers around his desk out of anxiety and boredom now. 

“ Charlotte! You two need to get the fighting under control. You can't argue like that in front of a child. You need to be a bridge to ensure the safety of this family since your marriage to him ended the Vendetta…if he annuls your marriage…”Charlotte pushed the chair back and stood up.What the hell was she talking about? They didn’t fight anymore then the Shelbys did, was their talk or her marriage ending? 

“Do you know something?” Cold icy fear washed over Charlotte, the undertow of thought that he’d divorce her chilled her down to her soul. She loved him. She didn’t want to lose him but she couldn’t live in another cage.  

“Lottie, lovie take a breath. I can hear you hyperventilating all the way to Birmingham. I’m sorry I spoke out of turn. We're all still trying to process too, Tommy is always raging and pushing us towards…..we’ll you know.” Ada’s tone was pleading, pleading with her to stop and fix everything alone on her end. 

What else was new. 

“Fine, he and I will just deal with this. I apologize, and smile and figure it all out without your help.” She was getting sulky again. 

“ Charlotte, you’ll pull this off. You are ever changing. Polly, Audrey and Tommy spoke in the meeting about you and a marriage to end the Vendetta. Their thought was that because you were so young you'd be….you know, don't make me say it?” Ada’s tone was shifting now. She sounded timid but Charlotte could hear the annoyance building in her aunt's tone.

“ I'd be what Ada?” Curiosity killed the cat, right? 

“ Young enough to be molded to Lucas' liking. Because you are young you are more likely to change and handle conflict in a way that would keep the Vendetta from rising again.  I was deemed too old and set in my ways, frankly, I'm happy that was the consensus.”  Ada’s admission felt like a sharp knife of betrayal. Is that really what they thought of her? A moldable dumb little puppy happy to be given attention from everyone here and there? 

“I have to go, the maid needs me for something.” There was no maid in her sight, she just needed a good cry and a hot shower. She couldn’t do any of this today. 

“Lottie, honey I’m sorry I spoke….” Charlotte hung up the phone. She practically bowled over the staff milling about while she ran into her bedroom and slammed the door. 

She needed her father so much right now. She just needed his strong arms around her telling her everything would be alright…but it wasn’t and it wouldn’t be until she helped fix it….how the hell was she supposed to do that?!

________________________________________________

Thank you for your patience as I update. I'm working through some personal stuff. Sorry everything is getting heavy and angsty.

[wrennefer]

Big dump:

It’s been a rough two weeks. I’m starting to feel a little better after everything but I’ve noticed that I need to take a small dose of my Adderall on top of Prozac now. It’s not a bad thing, I just took a while to realize that I was needing my ADHD medicine again. The ChatGPT generator meal plan was working out great except financially it was starting to seriously drain us. There’s two many varieties of fresh ingredients required and it was costing like $200 a week. Right now we are limping by to pay bills and I have been cooking still but I have not been blogging because it was taking too much energy to remember to record on top of everything. I’m going to have to start making my own meal plans to try to cut some costs but I’ve never really done that before so I’ve been reluctant to sit down and take the time to do so .

This weekend my husband gifted me a pair of earrings he 3-D printed and I liked them so much and got such positive feedback from coworkers that I asked him to print more pairs so that I could sell a few at my station at work.  Maybe eventually we will be able to attend art events in town and have a booth And get some extra income on the side that way.

I have a friend that used to work at the beauty school I attended 10 years ago who is going into hypnotherapy and I have been doing sessions with her trying to help me work through some things like feeling guilty about relaxing or feeling compelled to buy more than needed for the kids and family when I’m at the store. I want to feel comfortable just existing because I think if I didn’t feel so stressed out that I would not hold onto so much weight. 

Our older son just got put on a mild dose of ADHD medicine and it has made small but huge changes at the same time. He does not overstimulate me as much and I feel like we have had a better relationship already because of it.

Some of my friends/clients were saying that they really liked my blogs but it seemed like I was firing on all pistons and I think that I was on the ledge of burnout which was why I stopped making the videos so that I could kind of refocus back on the house and everything and not backslide into unhealthy habits.

I really am thankful for all of the interaction I’ve been getting but I think I get stressed out when people try to give me food/intake related advice… I have gained and lost 150 pounds three different times and we know that part of the problem is mental so it doesn’t matter What I do to lose the weight… if I’m not mentally able to overcome certain things and find a healthy balance that I’m goingto backslide and regain weight when there are upheavals. I want to lose weight but more than anything I want to be healthy and happy. 

Anyway, I don’t want to disappear completely and act like I gave up but I’m still trying to figure out my direction I guess? I can’t commit all of my life to weight loss because I have kids and a house and work but I know that it needs to be one of the priorities. Something that is a bigger priority to me honestly is being better about keeping the house clean because I grew up in a family that our house was always cluttered and our mom had temper tantrums about it And I had a lot of trauma associated with cleaning . 

[frostedsketches]

Canterlot Midwives

Introducing the three midwives featured in my recent post Miracle. These are the lovely ladies that delivered Twilight's son Meteor Star, minus Dr Sternsaddle, who I will design and post about soon. They are co-workers and good friends through work, but that's not all they have to their characters. . .

Precious Pacifier, 25 is a earth pony of soft, sweet nature and tall, wide stature. She's a caring individual, endlessly kind and charitable, always loving to give a helping hoof, or a word of advice, and has a soft spot for young foals. Because of her strength and big hooves, she is a total klutz, which makes her self-conscious and awkward around others, she isn't shy but she does dread social interaction if it means she might make a mess of herself.

It is in helping expecting mothers and delivering foals where her confidence comes out, she thinks herself too clumsy to handle the actual baby part of her job as a midwife, but she'll be there to cheer a mother on and is in charge of watching out for the baby's head and determining what needs to be done at any point in the labor process.

Outside of work, she and her husband, a unicorn named Spector, are young newly-weds —at the time of Meteor's birth— and very happy together. Though Precious often finds herself not at all snooty enough, or even more, too big, for Canterlot, and she might be better suited to the countryside, the capital city has always been her home and she's not leaving it anytime soon. ( I obviously did not draw her quite big enough to be all that's stated above, but just pretend she's massive compared to the others, shhh )

Sweet Dreams, Age 29 is a unicorn of poise and elegance, and though she may seem a bit regal and imposing at first glance, she's really not an unpleasant or unapproachable pony. Quite the contrary, she's the type of pony that exudes peace and comfort to those in her care, her job being to soothe her patients, melt their worries away, make them comfortable, sometimes even to the point of lulling them to sleep, which is especially handy when dealing with her client's newborns. She's witty and has a silly side to her, the ladder of which comes out when faced with anything cute and cuddly, making her an amusing sight to see when she gets excited over being able to handle the foals in her care.

Dreams is also known for her tasteful fashion sense and ability to pull off just about anything. Her unusually long tail is praised, as having one is a lost unicorn trait that is rarely seen in Equestria these days and was once considered beautiful and a sign of good breeding. Her hooves aren't actually cloven as that's also a rarely seen trait, but she had a bit of carving done on them to give off a similar appearance, ( it's a more cartoonish version as opposed to deep cloves, as cutting deeper than the hoof wall can be painful and damaging to the inner parts of one's hoof ) so she needs to get them redone every so often. She is also married and has been so since she was twenty-two.

Her husband is also a unicorn, a soldier for the Royal Guard, named Well Wish, and they have a three-year-old daughter called Valentine. Oh, she's also the older sister of Fond Feather ( Featherbang's purple fan girl ) and Dear Darling is their cousin. Their parents fostered Darling, who was close in age with Fond, so Fond and Darling were always closer to each other than they were with Sweet Dreams who was much older, and because of this, the two sisters are nearly estranged today.

Soft Hoof, 30 is a unicorn with a more quiet approach to things. She has a thick Prench accent and is hard to understand, because of her dialect as well as her strange more philosophical way of wording her sentences. She is the one that handles foals the most, her name implying her gentle touch, and graceful care. She's well versed in caring for foals and highly trusted. She being hard to communicate with isn't much part of helping with the mothers and their wellbeing, but will help with the foals and direct mothers on anything about caring for them that they might be unsure of or clueless about.

Her hair was once completely blue, but she started going white early, a trait she accepts whole-heartedly. She prefers her hair how it is now, as it gives her a more unique appearance from her mother, who she was once identical to and whom she has a complicated relationship with, one more negative than not.

Softie, unlike her co-workers, is unmarried, child-free, and content with both, her job giving her all the fulfillment and precious baby love she requires. She lived in Prance until she was twelve, is an only child, and in her personal life she often does chalk art on the streets of Canterlot and preforms violin for her local yoga group, as well as participates in said exercise, always one to practice self-care and meditation. She's friends with Tree Hugger and they often meditate, practice fortune telling, and study crystals together.

Related Post:

MLP:FiM belongs to Hasbro and Lauren Faust

Precious Pacifier, Sweet Dreams, and Soft Hoof as well as Meteor Star and the entirety of the Hopes'nDreamsVerse belong to me.

[merv606]

These Puritan asks and replies are killing me. So hot. So...

What if one day Terry has to pick Daniel up from a Omega Wives gathering or church aligned gathering because Daniel's been in a cat fight?!

Imagine some of the omegas are discussing their Alphas and Daniel, bless the little kitty, shares that his Alpha uses his mouth to pleasure him. He thinks they're all friends but of course the other omegas are jealous of him because he's so young and beautiful and has such a handsome, rich Alpha. One omega makes a comment, insulting Terry.

Daniel, very uncharacteristically, lashes out. He's horrified by his actions and of course he didn't really harm the other omega, maybe a scratch, but it all ends in lots of tears and shame.

Terry's quiet and stony faced as he picks Daniel up and takes him home, Daniel trying hard not to cry until they get inside. He's about to burst into tears when he sees Terry's smirk which turns into full blown laughter.

"My baby," Terry chuckles, kissing his boy, "you got into a kitten fight defending me, huh? I didn't know you had it in you, sweetheart."

Daniel's flushed and enjoying the praise, starting to smile back.

"You're the best Alpha ever, the best husband," Daniel insists, "they said... Sir, they - "

"Ssh," Terry smiles, "who cares? They're jealous of us. Look at you. They've got crusty old Alphas who can't even get it up. You're the most beautiful, the sweetest," and he gently puts his hand between Daniel's legs, feeling the never-ending heat there, "with the most fertile, tightest, juiciest cunt. Fuck them."

Daniel blushes at his husband's filthy words before enjoying Terry's talented hands and tongue ;)

And to think - he didn’t even tell them that while they were waiting for the Doctor’s go ahead after Sam was born, Terry takes his other hole 😏

I mentioned in another ask that I answered earlier today:

Some omegas whisper about how much they don’t like the actual act of conception. That is is something to be endured and Daniel worries if this means he’s wrong; that he loves it so much.

Terry though, reassures him. That he should love it - that it means Terry is going his job as his alpha - and how his reaction please Terry greatly. It feeds the alpha’s ego.

Daniel has also found a group of omegas like him - and they gossip and exchange bawdry stories. Daniel is the youngest in the group so they give him pointers and advice. Terry is fine with it, encourages these friendships, as it benefits him in the end.

So, your scenario - or a take on it:

The omegas of well off alphas spend most of their time doing charity work and fundraisers so they’re all at the church sorting through donations etc.

Some are doing that while others are in the kitchen setting up lunch.

Daniel is with his usual group of Omegas. They’re younger - all in their 20’s and 30’s - the older group are usually the ones that hold onto these ideals.

Sometimes Daniel wonders if they even like their Alphas - Terry tells him not to listen. All that matters is that he is a good omega in Terry’s eyes - and, he reminds him, even the priest says listening to your alpha and allowing him to take his pleasure how he sees fit is one of the most important qualities in being a good mate and omega for your alpha.

But one of the female omegas - a few years older than Daniel with a couple kids and pregnant with another herself - is whispering about how insatiable her alpha is for her like this - about how he likes to have her in front of a mirror when she’s like this.

She looks to Daniel’s growing belly - their second - conspiratorially asking if Terry is the same way.

It’s a moot point - they all have witnessed Terry dragging Daniel off to have his way with him when an event goes on too long, and Sam was barely two months old before Daniel announced he was expecting again.

He blushes, and they all ohhhhh - knowing there is a juicy story they need to coax out of the little omega - and he bats at them all playfully.

It’s been a little over a year since he’s called himself Terry’s husband, and his lessons in physical love between an alpha and omega began, but Daniel is still quite naive and has keep the shyness and innocence about him, even though he’s given Terry a child and is growing a second inside him.

They gather closer as he stammers through Terry making him ride his alpha’s face in their dojo - mirrors everywhere so that no matter where he looked he could see what he looked like as his alpha ate him out - how desperate and wanton he was acting for it.

How Terry had made him come from that - soaking the alpha’s face - before he was laid flat on the mat, his legs roughly opened - Terry having him spread himself - so he could see that pretty pink hole hidden within - fisting himself to completion on his belly and cunt.

“Sitting on my alpha’s face is one of my favourites,” one of them sighs dreamily, and Daniel agrees, although he says that lately, since he’s started showing with their second, Terry likes to watch him touch himself. Last night he was laid on on their bed in new pretty lingerie, designed for pregnant omegas, as Terry sat on the chair opposite the bed, drink in hand watching as Daniel pleasured himself to Terry’s instructions, his alpha doing much of the same, stroking himself to the sight.

“Absolutely disgraceful behaviour from an omega,” he hears from an older omega, deliberately eavesdropping as she passes the group.

He puts his head down, fiddling with his fingers, as the omegas in his group lay their hands on his shoulder in comfort.

“Don’t listen to her - she’s just pissed that her alpha has probably never made her wet,” and he covers his mouth to styme the laughter, even if the others openly giggle.

“Probably only ever does it missionary under the covers with the lights off,” another one cackles.

“Oh Helen - shove it up your dried up musty cunt.”

Helen ignores it, knowing Daniel is still able to be easily cowed.

“You’re too young to know better,” she says, and Daniel looks up, confused, before she continues. “It’s that alpha of yours who should be ashamed of himself and his depraved ways ….”

The slap reverberates from around the room to shocked gasps, although no one is more shocked than Daniel, his hand stinging as the woman grabs her face.

He doesn’t remember much after that - only sitting in the rectory with the priest - an older priest and not Father O’Brien, who Daniel normally confides in - while being lectured on proper Omega behaviour and how this reflects poorly on his alpha. How his alpha had to be called and is on his way down and how disappointed he will surely be at such an ill behaved mate.

“While some allowances can be made for your behaviour due to your delicate condition, this is not acceptable.”

Said alpha walks in, and he catches that last bit, frowning.

Terry was already concerned when he got the call saying Daniel attacked an older omega - one of the more pious women in the group - high up in the church - which is not like him - but when Daniel doesn’t even look up - his worry boils over.

“Ah, Alpha Silver. Truly sorry to have to call you down here due to ….”

Terry waves a hand, and the priest, a beta, although affronted, falls silent.

“Leave us.”

He kneels down to be eye level and still, his little omega refuses to look at him.

“What happened little one?”

He starts to sob then, at the gentle tone; full body shudders and Terry gathers him in his arms, soothing him, worried for both his boy and their baby.

Through heaving sobs he gathers enough info, that and the fact that on his way in the unofficial ring leader of Daniel’s little group of omega friends had quickly given him a rundown of the events.

“I know he’ll tell you but I know he’s also quite upset, sir,” she says, perfect omega manners and he thanked her for her help and for looking out for his mate.

“Any time. We’re all quite fond of him.”

Terry knows the feeling.

He focuses back on his upset and emotional mate, shushing him, rubbing his back up and down. When he finally calms Terry kisses him softly, placing his jacket around him. Being surrounded by his scent should help.

Terry really wants to laugh at the situation - outdated puritan church sex politics in omega cliches, really - but his boy is so upset and then big brown eyes, red rimmed and blotchy from crying look at him and all humour Terry found in the situation quickly evaporates, and pure rage takes it place.

Still, for the sake of his mate, and his state, he forces himself to calm - knowing Daniel will misunderstand and think it’s him Terry is angry at.

“I’m sorry. I just want to be a good mate. That’s all I want,” he says beseechingly.

Terry sighs. He knows this - it’s why the boy is like putty in his hands. It’s a good thing it was Terry who mated him.

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” he says.

“I didn’t mean to make you look bad.” It’s said so pitifully.

“Sweetheart, you never could. I’m so proud of you.”

That just sets him off again.

“None of that now. Come on, sweetheart. I need you to be calm for me now, okay. For the baby too,” he says, laying a hand on his stomach, Daniel placing his on top.

“You did nothing wrong.”

“He said …”

“Daniel,” and his mate looks at him. “What he says is inconsequential - what I say is all that matters - isn’t it?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“There’s a good boy.”

Daniel beams, burying his face into the coat’s collar, inhaling the alpha’s scent.

“Always trust what I say to you is true.”

“I do,” he says, fiercely, and Terry’s alpha knows his little omega is back to normal now.

Terry calls for the priest, who enters, already saying,

“So this behaviour must be dealt with.”

“Yes it should be, and it will be,” Terry agrees.

He watches Daniel wipe his eyes and nose on the sleeve of Terry’s jacket, fondness overtaking him.

“Well, I’m glad we are on the same page on this horrid display of disobedience. I suggest more classes on proper etiquette for a mated omega and how their behaviour reflects on their alpha. I know he’s passed them all, with flying colours according to Father O’Brien, but he tends to be more modern and the stricter, more traditional ways are really what we should be …”

“Oh you misunderstand - I have no problem with MY omega’s behaviour.”

The priest looks confused.

“What I am worried about is how an older omega thinks it’s acceptable to work a younger omega - currently with child - an alpha’s child - MY child - into such an emotional state.”

The priest realizes too late his mistake.

“And you, lecturing MY omega on his behaviour is both highly unacceptable and wildly inappropriate. The audacity to think you know what I approve and disapprove of.”

The priest looks alarmed.

“His behaviour is my responsibility and what we do on or in our marital bed - or anywhere else, for that matter,” Terry smirks - “is based wholly on my discretion and what I see fit and is not up for anyone else’s judgement - especially not yours.”

“I do apologize ….”

“I expect your resignation to Father O’Brien, or else, I will no longer be donating to this establishment,” Terry cuts him off.

“Terry,” Daniel says and his attention instantly switches to his mate.

“I don’t want anyone to lose their job because of me.”

“It’s not because of you, sweetheart. It’s because of his actions and his actions have consequences.”

“Still …” his little mate says.

Terry sighs - he knows Daniel will feel guilty even though he has no reason to be. As it were, best to avoid it for now.

“Fine.”

The priest looks relieved.

“I thank you, Alpha Silver.”

“Don’t thank me. Thank him.”

The priest stammers out a thank you before excusing himself.

“My hero,” Terry says. “Defending my honour.” He helps the little pregnant omega up from his seat.

“It’s not funny,” Daniel mumbles, although he’s fighting off a smile himself.

It kind of is, and in few weeks they’ll both look back on this with laughter, but for now, to drive home his point.

“I think you deserve a reward.”

Daniel lights up.

“Can we get ice cream? I’m kind of hungry,” he admits. He never got to eat lunch, although he thinks he’ll keep that from Terry.

“Anything you want, baby. You know that.”

“Well, I want extra fudge and peanuts. Oh and those sprinkles and lots of cherries. You think they’ll have pickles?”

Terry wrinkles his nose. “If not, I’ll make sure you get some. I always make sure you have what you need.”

And he does.

Not that Terry doesn’t also get what he needs.

Because later on, Terry gets his own sweet treat - his head buried between the little omega’s creamy smooth thighs, which shake with pleasure against his head as he sucks at his omega’s pretty pink rosebud and laps at his wet cunt - his favourite thing to eat - all to the sounds of his omega’s sweet little whimpers, moans, and begging.

[kennyfischerconsulting]

Whitey and Rose  - Part 2

So, in November of 1969 Diversified moved my wife Margie, my 1-year-old daughter Julie, and me to Los Angeles to work for Whitey. Since Julie was the only grandchild of all 4 grandparents, you could imagine how popular that made me. We moved to a two-bedroom apartment in Encino, about 35 minutes commute to the WNF office on 3rd and Martel; right down the street from Farmers Market. Although by then I was buying scrap, attending conventions, and traveling the US, LA was quite a culture shock for Margie and me. We had no friends or relatives, which was a lot harder on Margie than me, since I was busy at work all day.  We lived at the beautiful Balboa Biltmore apartments, with underground parking and a swimming pool, and the rent was three times what we were paying in St. Louis. I may have been the only one in the building that had an American car and wore a suit and tie to work.  Even so, at $17,500 a year and a company car we were doing just fine.

OK, back to WNF.  Rose Seminow was and had been Whitey’s secretary (dictation was the only way in those days), office manager, girl Friday, and my savior.  They did eventually marry a few years after Whitey’s wife Louise passed away. 

Rose Sall is 96 (as of 2016) and is still sharp as a tack and a great money manager. Rose was so nice to us when we moved and did anything  she could make our transition easier. Her husband was called “Sim” and they didn’t have much of a relationship.  He was a lot rougher than cultured Whitey, but he did take me deep sea fishing for the first time and with my freshwater gear and lite line I caught the only Yellow Tail on a day trip out of San Pedro.

 Whitey was the Dean of the LA scrap metal business and probably had more knowledge of that industry, including melting, than maybe anyone in America.  He generously passed on all that I could absorb. Since we did no melting or smelting in California, a lot of what he knew passed with him, since there was no need for me to know much of it. He always went out of his way to be good to me and teach me anything that would help me grow.  He was gruff and not in the best of moods most times and only those few people who knew him well and knew of his generosity really loved him.  The rest disliked or feared him, but that didn’t keep them from coming to him for advice and an occasional loan.

 I once saw him lend $1,500 to a despicable, totally unsavory fellow in the metals business and I questioned him about getting paid back.  His answer was, “I hope he doesn’t pay me back.  That way he won’t have the guts to come ask again.” We had this overtly gay guy, and a Pilipino non-practicing lawyer in the office as clerks, Freddie Tobias, an old buyer from Whitey’s past, and eventually Syndicate member Ronnie Polishuk in the LA office.

To refresh: Ronnie and I met in Junior High, went to High School together, was my roommate in college and in the Army, came to work in LA, moved to Cucamonga when I did, and worked in the metal’s business for my brother Ellis in St. Louis until Ellis passed away in April of 2017.

[ketso]

Episode 33

I am at Bassie’s place. Yoh, her and Keith are at war EVERY DAY! We try to keep them apart because Bassie blames Keith for everything and she kicks him out every day, telling him that she wants her child back. Keith is determined that he’s not going back to Noria and that he loves Bassie. I honestly have no advice for either of them.

I left my kids with my mom and Meme back home. Apparently, Mmaletuka is out on bail. She begs my mom every day to get me to drop the charges. She lives in Maja Perre at our mom’s house with her kids. She keeps saying that if anything happens to her, I won’t even take her kids. And she’s right. Now she’s saying what am I expecting her to do and where will her kids go if she goes to prison. I’m still thinking about dropping the charges. I haven’t made up my mind.

There was a meeting with Mahali and her family. It happened in Dithabeng. Apparently, the meeting was to address her behaviour towards me and my entry into the Mothipa family. After the meeting she went back home. I wasn’t in the meeting, but MmaKB was. Thabang just told me that Mahali was sent back with her parents. She has to be back home for six months learning all about her duties in this marriage and family. When she returns after six months, she must return with one of the lobola cows that were paid for her by the Mothipa family. So she’s temporarily out of the picture. I wonder what she will be like when she’s back in action because that one… ay!

MmaKB decided to take her kids on a holiday away for about two weeks, so Thabang went with them. I just got back to work and to my life, so I’m here to support my friend alone. Which I don’t mind. MmaKB has been really cool with me, so there’s no need for me to feel threatened by her going on holiday with her husband.

At the moment, I’m able to work remotely because the queen has been kicked out of the royal house. So, she just works from anywhere… with her strict instructions of me not working for the king’s second wife under any circumstances – the very second wife who now also lives in that royal house as mofomahadi has been kicked out – I also work from anywhere.

Wandi comes in the morning and leaves in the evening. Tamia too. I’m the one who sleeps over with Bassie, holding her hand through this nightmare of a situation. I briefed Thabang telephonically while reporting that I’d be in South Africa for a bit. He also believes that this is insane.

I’m making the bed now. I’ve showered and I prepared breakfast because Bassie and Keith both need to eat. They are just so mad at each other that they don’t want to do anything really.

I phoned my kids in the morning before they dashed out for school. I miss them so much. They love my mom so much. I think she spoils them a lot. I left my car with her so she can get around and do school runs, her shopping etc. I give her money - enough to keep her away from performing her profession in front of my kids or in my house. I know she gives some money to Mmaletuka as well. Meme told me. I thought I’d be angry about it, but I’m actually cool with it. There’s something about being a mother and grandmother that humanises my mom. It’s beautiful. She must just keep Mmaletuka far away from me.

My phone rings. It’s Thabang. I sit on top of the bed then answer the phone.

“Hey baby”, me.

“Love, how are you?”

“Ke shup. How’s Cape Town?” I ask him. He and MmaKB took the kids there.

“It’s good. The kids love it here and Mmakabelo is enjoying everything about it. She has a lot of spa appointments though. I think this was a holiday for me to look after the kids more than anything”, he says.

One thing about MmaKB is that she’s very strategic. Maybe she just noticed that Thabang is not spending enough time with his kids anymore, so she planned this for that to happen. She’s just that person.

“Well, I hope you are having fun too.” I say.

“I’m trying. I really am. But I’m worried about you and whatever is happening there with Bassie and Keith.”

“Eish Thabang, it’s bad. Wandi’s mom and Senzi’s family are trying their best. But this Noria woman is always a few steps ahead of us. They managed to find the hospital that Risuna was at. Somehow he was moved. We don’t know if it was to another hospital or what. But the hospital at least told us that Risuna was recovering very well. He was in good shape to be discharged. She’s not at her house. She not at any family member’s house. It’s like she vanished and she vanished with the baby. She keeps saying that she wants Keith back. If Bassie returns her husband, then she will return Bassie’s child.”

“So why doesn’t Keith set a trap for her?”

“How so?”

“He must say that he’s ready to go back to her. Then when the exchange happens where Keith goes to her and Bassie gets her child back, Bassie gets Noria arrested for kidnapping.” He says.

“That’s actually not a bad idea, watsiba. I’ll actually chat to Keith and propose this. Yena le Bassie are water and oil right now. It’s as if they are not on the same team. But then again, I can’t imagine what it’s like to have a missing child. There’s nothing normal about what’s happening.”

“I hear you. Let me know if there’s anything that I can do, babe.”

“Thank you, babe. Enjoy Cape Town, okay?”

“Shup. Keep me updated.”

“I will.”

“I love you, msadi waka… oratuwa waka.”

“I love you too, moratuwa waka.”

We hang up.

I get into the kitchen. Keith and Bassie are here, eating, sitting opposite each other and not saying anything to each other.

“Good morning”, I greet them.

“How are you doing?” Keith.

“Ke shup, thanks.” Me.

“Wandi and her mother are on their way. They have news for us.” Bassie tells me.

I nod my head.

I sit down and wait for them. Maybe I’ll make my suggestion once I’ve heard what they have to say.

“Can I make you guys some coffee? I’m making myself a cup.” I offer.

“Thank you, that would be nice”, Keith.

His brothers walk in with their mother. So, I guess I’ll make for everyone.

They are greeting each other and chatting as I prepare the coffee.

After a few minutes, I’m serving everyone coffee.

Keith’s brothers have also helped themselves to breakfast.

Mzala walks into the kitchen. She and Bassie’s mother have also been sleeping here. The tension between Bassie’s mother and Keith’s mother is just unmatched.

It’s bad! Now I’m not even sure what to do with myself.

“Wandi is here with her mom. I’m opening the gate and letting them in”, Bassie says.

We are all now keen for these news.

I hold Bassie’s shoulder. I really hope it’s good news. I hope they are not here to tell us that the baby is dead.

Wandi enters first…

Then Tamia…

Then Wandi’s mom with Risuna in her arms.

“Mama!” He yells.

He has a little cast on his left arm.

Bassie is still crying, shaking even. Keith is the one who stands up and makes his way to Wandi’s mom. Before he takes Risuna, he hugs Wandi’s mom. He’s also crying.

“Hello fana. Hello boy boy”, mzala is the one who takes Risuna from Wandi’s mom’s arms.

“Zala… hi”, Risuna says.

Mzala takes Risuna to Bassie. Bassie just holds her baby dear to her heart and she cries. Risuna is just confused but very relaxed.

Keith gets to Bassie. He holds both of them.

“I think we should give them space. Keith, when you are ready, let me know. You and Noria need to talk. I told her you’ll talk on condition that I’m there. She’s currently in hiding. I know where she is. You and Bassie will decide if you want to press charges or talk to her. I’ll take the lead from you.” Wandi’s mom.

“I want her arrested”, Bassie. I actually agree with her.

“What does she want to talk about?” Keith.

“You are welcome to go to the prison and ask her. I want that lunatic arrested and away from my child and me. Mama-Wandi, please… I want her arrested.” Bassie.

I’m on my way back to the kingdom now. I’m driving my BMW X5 that Thabang bought for me as a wedding gift. It’s a black X5. I’ll phone Bassie when I get to the kingdom. Right now, I just miss my kids.

The drive is long and I’m alone. I would’ve flew here, but everything just happened so quickly and I felt like the plane wouldn’t have got me here quickly enough. Thabang was worried when I told him that I was driving alone. But he was relieved when I phoned him to tell him that I had arrived safely.

I phoned him again when I was leaving Bassie’s house. He went on and on about how I need to stop doing such drives alone. I told him that I’d phone him when I got to Tholoana Kingdom.

I actually had a good time at my mother-in-law’s place. She’s such a cool chick. I didn’t do any hard labour chores, but I had to attend council meetings with her as well as “tree court”. This is where the community comes forward to report issues like theft of cattle, cheating husbands, drunk husbands, pregnant side-chicks… the idea of the tree court is to possibly get the royal house to assist with matters at a “home” level instead of getting police involved. Thabang’s mother is a qualified customary lawyer, so this is her territory. She taught me a lot about polygamous marriages and what the role of each wife is.

I also spent time with Pebetsi. Pebetsi is also married into a polygamous marriage. She’s a lot like Mahali in her marriage. The things she complains about show that she wasn’t ready for this. I don’t know why she forced herself into such a marriage. It’s not for everyone. She gets away with a lot because she’s from a royal family. She comes across as if she uses that to hold over her husband and his other wives. She comes home all the time. She says it’s because her husband annoys her in the decisions that he makes. I don’t understand, really. Her mother shakes her head at her all the time. Sometimes, the mother chases her back to her own house and husband. Sometimes, she’s just defeated. I’ve also met le tona (the chief) and his other wives. He’s a nice man, shame. But some of those wives scare me a bit. They all seem like they give as much shit as they take.

Thabang did indeed come every weekend to see me and spend time with me. It was nice. We really became closer than what we were. Some weekends, he came with my kids. I’m so grateful. But he was also nagging me to move out of my house and into a house in the suburbs. I really love my house. It’s the first house I got - all by myself. My kids love it there too. I understand that he isn’t a township kind of guy, but I really really love my place. My mom said she’d stay there. But I know deep down that she will bring up Mmaletuka and her kids to live with her. My issue with that is that I will stop supporting her if she does that. Then I know that they’ll continue with their business to make a living. In the township, they will get beaten up by the locals. Tholoana Kingdom townships don’t play those games. Anything nje that looks like it will take them to hell - especially when performed by people who are not hard-core criminals - they will deal with you. And I really don’t ever want Mmaletuka’s kids to become my problem. Ever.

So if I move, I’ll sell my house. Mama and Mmaletuka can just stay in Maja Perre. But Thabang and I will discuss further when he is back.

I get home just after 9pm. I just want to catch my kiddies before they go to bed. I just want to kiss their cute little lips and give them big hugs. I’ll just text Thabang afterwards. He might be deep within sex with MmaKB then my call ruins it all. Mahali gave me a very stern warning, so I’m very aware now.

I get into the house and I see my mom having tea with Mmaletuka. Ja neh, I’m being tested. They just see it on my face, and Mmaletuka’s smile tells me that this is exactly what she wanted to happen. I’m definitely selling this place should I decide to move to another house.

“And then?” I enquire, looking at my mother.

“Mmaletuka asked me to look after her children while she goes to Johannesburg for some work.” My mom tells me.

“Mmaletuka is out on bail, she’s not allowed to leave the country. I’ll report her myself. I haven’t dropped the charges”, I say.

“Bathung ngwana oe!” My mom.

“And Mmaletuka is not welcome in my house”, I say.

“Mama is my mother too. Your kids are not the only kids she has to look after. She also has to look after mine.” Mmaletuka says.

“Not in my house, she doesn’t. You know what, mama… thank you for looking after my kids. Truly, thank you. But moving forward, I’ll get a nanny for my kids so they can help me. The last thing I ever want again is to run into Mmaletuka in a space that’s supposed to be my peace. Ke kopa le tsamaye”, I say.

“Morafe! Keng ka wena?! Ke ausi wahao motho oe!” My mom yells.

“Why didn’t you tell her that when she was burning my bed and my wedding dresses?!”

“The wedding dresses again?! Akere you got new ones and got married?” Mom.

“It cost me money! Money that she will never afford to even pay me back. She had no right to burn anything that didn’t belong to her. That’s why she is looking at possible jail time. I’m not the only person who sees that what she did was wrong. The law sees it too!”

“What do you want from me, Morafe?! An apology?! Fine! I’m sorry, Morafe!” Mmaletuka.

“I don’t want your stupid apology! I want you to take your kids and get the fuck out of my house!” I say.

“Ke tle le ko mme waka!” She says.

“Then take mme wahao o tsamaye le yena!” Me.

“And go where?! At this time?!”

“So, you came to my house without any plan to leave? You were just going to sleep in my house knowing perfectly well that you are not welcome here?!”

“Morafe, ausi waka, please… I’m begging you. I have no one. I have nothing. I need your help. Please. Don’t do this! You know you can afford to help me. Please help me.” She says to me.

“You want to talk to me about being alone, having no one and having nothing?! I left at the age of eighteen, running off to another country to start off what you see me have today… this which you believe I got just because I married Thabang. Akere in your eyes, I did nothing to receive this?! I was alone. I had no one. I had nothing. I made a plan. I’m a woman. I made a plan. And I landed. I had two children, and I was ducking and diving from a crazy abusive man’s punches, rape and attempted murder stints… when I ran away from him, I was alone with my two kids. I’m sure you could afford to help me then, but you didn’t. You had to focus on your kids and yourself. I’ve never held that against you. Ever! And wena, Mmaletuka, you said I lied akere? You said I lied on that man because I wanted Thabang, and I caused his unnecessary death. Those were your words to me. So Mmaletuka, you’ll be fine. You’ll land on your feet, and you’ll make a plan. You are a woman. There’s nothing that I have that you don’t - spoiled by mama and all. You’ll be fine. Now please, leave my house. And Mme, when you leave with your daughter and grandchildren, please leave my car in my garage. If you even try to take it, I’ll report it stolen. We all know Mmaletuka can’t afford another charge added to her record. Goodnight!”

With this, I leave my kitchen.

…

Today has been a crazy day. My kids have too much energy for me. I took them to Robbin Island with their mother. I don’t think they quite understood what was happening there. But hey, they are kids. The youngest of the four got motion sickness on the boat - right there with me. So, we came back to the hotel and just needed to sleep it off. I gave Mmakabelo some sex after dinner. Now they are all asleep and I’m still up, unable to sleep now because Morafe hasn’t let me know that she’s okay. It’s unlike her. She didn’t even send me a text. It’s almost midnight. Maybe, let me phone her.

I dial her number. Her phone is off. Now I’m panicking.

I dial Meme’s number. I didn’t want to phone her. But I’m worried about my wife.

“Hi Abuti Thabang”, she answers her phone.

“Meme, hi. I’m so sorry to phone you so late.” I say.

“It’s okay. I’m studying.” She says.

“I’m looking for Morafe. Her phone is off. She told me she was driving back to the kingdom. She hasn’t phoned me to let me know she’s home.” I say.

“She’s home. Eish Abuti Thabang, she had a fight with mama and Mmaletuka. She wasn’t okay when she went to lock herself up in the bedroom. Maybe she forgot.”

I should’ve known.

“Mmaletuka is there?” I ask.

“She was. Morafe kicked her out and told mama to follow her”, she tells me.

“Please give Morafe the phone?” I politely ask her.

“Okay please hold on”, she says.

I hear her walking somewhere. Then she knocks on the door. I hear her walk in then she and Morafe have a brief conversation.

“Hello?” Morafe answers the phone.

“Baby, hey”, I say.

“Hey baby. Why are you up so late?” She asks me.

“I was waiting for you. I was worried. Why is your phone off?”

“I didn’t realise. I’m sorry, babe. It’s just been a long day.”

“I understand. Will everything be okay with Mmaletuka, baby?”

She starts crying.

“Love?” Me.

“I don’t want to hate my sister, Thabang. I don’t want to hate my flesh and blood. I don’t understand why I feel the things that I feel towards her.” She says through her crying.

I understand what she means. Pebetsi irritates me a lot, but I could never hate her. I can’t imagine what it would be like if I hated any of my siblings.

“I don’t know how to un-feel my resentment towards her. I can’t even live with her children. What type of person am I, Thabang? What am I teaching my kids?”

“Morafe, calm down. Please, my love. Calm down.”

I hear her breathing.

I wish I could drive to her then calm her down right now. Eish.

“Baby, we are going to fix this.” I say.

“The only way to fix this is if you put Mmaletuka and I in one room, lock it, then let us box each other out until we get over our issues”, she says.

I laugh.

She laughs.

“I miss you”, she says.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“What do you miss?”

“I miss you coming to bed topless, only covering your essential tools with those tight black briefs that you wear. I just see your package nicely put away, waiting for me to unwrap it like a sweet. It excites me like a teenager when I already see you walk towards me. I already imagine your body holding me, handling me… showing me why you’ve chosen to make me a woman amongst women.”

I’m honestly already hard.

I slide my hand down, holding my penis. I’ve never had to jerk off right after having sex. Morafe is torturing me.

“What are you wearing?” I ask her.

“A lacy piece I just bought while I was in South Africa. I’m trying to excite my man. I’m trying it out right now. It’s a royal purple one piece… it has diamonds around my boob area… it’s lacy everywhere… it’s designed to be ripped off so a man can get to business.” She says.

Okay, I’m weak! I’m already rubbing my dick.

“Baby, I’m hard. You are killing me. I can barely breathe.” I tell her.

“I have my finger inside a place only your penis enters baby. I’m so wet. It’s been a long two weeks. I don’t know what to do with myself”, she says.

“Baby… I’m sorry.” I say.

She starts moaning.

My God!

She moans.

I moan.

I cum in my hand as her moans get higher and heavier. I also release quite a groan when cum shoots out of my penis.

She’s breathing heavily. I breathe heavily.

“When I see you…” I say.

“I’ll take care of you… in the kitchen, the TV room and the bedroom of whichever house you’d like us to buy together”, she says.

Now this has made my day.

“Seriously babe?” I say in excitement.

“Yeah. I’ll move. I’ll sell the house now. I’ll use the money from the sale as well as my housing benefit from the royal house… I should be able to help you get us something nice. I really want to help.” She says.

“You know I want to gift it to you, right? I gift my wives their houses and cars, baby. You are all equal.” I remind her.

“T, I’m not your other wives. I’m not. I want us to have our own relationship. I’m not using your marriage to them as a benchmark for my own marriage. You and I are partners. Ke motho wa hao, Thabang. Not your first born. Please let me help you buy our home”, me.

“What am I going to do with you?” Me.

She laughs and says, “What did you think you would do with me when you wanted me all those years ago?”

I laugh aloud.

“Go to sleep, my love.” She says.

“Sleep tight. I love you”, me.

“I love you, baby.” Her.

We hang up.

Now what am I going to do with myself for the rest of the night until the sun comes up?

I’m waking up on a couch. I guess I passed out on here. My kids are up and are running wild.

“Good morning, Mothipa”, Mmakabelo says to me.

“Dumelang. How did everyone sleep?” Me.

“Fine”, the kids say, one by one.

“We are all showered up and packed. I packed for you too. You just need to shower then we dash out to the airport. Our flight is in three hours. Please get ready. We will have breakfast at the airport.” Mmakabelo says.

I nod my head then make my way to the shower.

I quickly shower then dress up in the clothes she’s set out for me. I can’t wait to see Morafe. That’s where I’m sleeping tonight.

By the time I’m done with everything, we are pulling our stuff out to the hired H1 that’s waiting to take us to the airport.

Our breakfast at the airport is nice. My kids chatted my ear off. Mmakabelo laughed the whole time. This time away with them was great. I wanted to take my kids with Mahali with us on this trip, but Mmakabelo just wanted her kids on the trip. My kids with Mahali are staying with my mom while Mahali is away.

We are in the aeroplane now. I’m sitting with Mmakabelo. The kids are sitting in front of us, using the two rows in front of us.

“I spoke to Mahali. I went to her home to check up on her.” Mmakabelo tells me.

This is one thing I appreciate about her. She shows up for her role in this marriage. All the time!

“How is she?” I ask.

“She’s angry. Very angry.” She tells me.

“So, no progress?”

“Let’s just say that if we didn’t send her away, you and Morafe would be in danger. But it’s only month two. I’m sure by month four, the anger will have tired her out. She will come back relaxed.”

“Thank you for handling this, Mme Mothipa.” I say.

“Anything for our family, Mothipa. I was thinking…” she says.

“Yes?”

“Morafe lives with her kids until she comes back. We are a family. She’s a mother to all the kids you have - just like Mahali and me. That would show her doing her role in the family as well. Then some time this month, all the kids need a play date AND Morafe and I need a long and overdue date together. We need it.”

“I’ll talk to her”, I say.

“Ah ah, Mothipa. That’s not how this works. You can bend the rules all you want to protect Morafe, but not with me. Mama had her for a full month… I’m sure she’s ready to handle your first wife. I sent Mahali home for six months so the two of you could have peace in building your marriage. Now, I talk to her about the kids as well as me and her getting to know each other a little better. Let me do my bit.” She says.

I just smile at her.

She giggles.

“Trust me, Mothipa… you’ll also get to see who she is not just to you, but to the family. She can hate Mahali all she wants. But the kids are yours too. She loves you, she loves your kids too… just like you love hers. This will be a minor test of her intentions… is she here just to fuck you? Or is she here for all that you are about? It’s not like she doesn’t know that you have other wives and kids.” She says.

I don’t want to test Morafe. I know she’s here for me. But I’ll let Mmakabelo do this. It’s her role here anyway.