#<- this has all been in my drafts since i made this account btw

[thecrowfinder]

*talking to the air* okay but you know, you have to love me like you love a stray cat. you have to understand that i have never been loved before. you need to know that when i hiss and growl it is not because i hate you, but because i am afraid. you need to know that i only run from you because i cannot grasp the concept of a kind touch. you need to know that when you pick me up and pet me oh so gently, i will hide my face in the crook of your arm as i purr and purr, because even in this moment of comfort i am aware of how you could crush me in one hand. you need to understand that when you let me go, i will run to the nearest dark corner and i will hide, because i do not yet know a world in which i am not hunted. i do not yet know a world that doesn't hurt me. you have to show me what it feels like to be safe.

[anaconamor]

ana babes, hot tub/late night in the pool w jude fic please? i’ll pay u in infinite kisses💋 (btw no pressure ofc!)

by the edge - jude bellingham x reader.

quick sum: above!

wc: 2.1k | masterlist | jude's masterlist

psa : HIIII IMY ILYSMM, i'm sooooooo incredibly late to this, it's not even funny... but it has been in my drafts and i needed to finish this 😔 so here's summer! jude despite it being over... small suggestive content but not too in-depth. this is also insta au + fic combined!!

———— j.b ————

judebellingham added to their stories!

19 hrs ago | 9 mins ago

———— j.b ————

spottedcelebrity

liked by: popculture, thesun, dailymail, vouge, yourbestie, and 345,901 others!

spottedcelebrity: PHEW. we did not see this one coming! it’s looking like he’s finally showing off his lady, soft-launching her on his latest instagram story! stay tuned for more update and live show at 9pm!

username291: OH?? so he was actually being fr??

user09: the way no one saw this coming (im actually dying inside…)

username39: if you look closely that’s actually me!!!! 🤗

user21: girl bye-

username49: soft launching on his story is the bare minimum…

↪️ user11: isn’t that the point tho? who cares if it’s on his story? he just made a highlight dedicated to her 💋

username29: does anyone know who she is??

↪️ user19: no, he keeps her private.

↪️ username77: we don’t know that, maybe she doesn’t want to be in the public eye

↪️ user45: apparently she’s a business student at the university of madrid…

↪️ username86: people think it’s @ynusername but she’s private on everything so no one can clear that up

user74: oh! SHES GORGEOUS ??

———— j.b ————

ynusername added to their stories! 🔒

19 hrs ago | 12 hrs ago

———— j.b ————

“everyone on twitter is going crazy,” recalled jude, stepping out of the doorway. “why?” you laughed quesionably, unlocking your phone to check what he meant. you were rushed to see his fans eagerly wanting to know who you were, as jude had soft launched you on his latest post. they had not expected that one bit, now they we’re piecing to see who you were. 

it wasn’t anything new for you, as you had been doing that privately on your own instagram. the media knew he had a girlfriend, and jude respected your wishes to be private since it tended to be crazy hectic. yet the two of you liked to read comments late at night and see how theyre crazy theories came to light. 

“he was with his girlfriend at the airport, they both arrived with hats. she was very pretty and nice as well,” you read, feeling admiration at their comment. there was very few encounters you had together but all of them were positive to say the least which you were grateful for. the last thing you wanted was to be plastered in a tabloid of you being rude or mean. 

“a fan account pinned a comment earlier today, that you were a medical student and lived in norway? I never pictured it for it to get this crazy,” joked jude, hearing your laugh as you walked over to the mini bar. “do you want a drink? or would you like to share with me?” you asked, rubbing lime around the rim of the glass so you could coat with salt. 

“i’ll just take some sips out of yours,” replied jude, coming behind you to wrap his arms securely around your waist, placing kisses over your shoulder. jude watched as a you made the drink, eating fruit slices from the container you had bought in the morning. “i don’t know what it is, but the fruit here is so much better than the one in spain?” you say, jude immediately agreeing with you and going off how here he had the best mango ever. 

“careful, it's slippery,” jude gripped your hand and helped you get down the stairs carefully, making sure you wouldn't fall like he had done the first day here. the summer sea breeze was heavenly, reminiscing the last few days of summer with your boyfriend who seemed attached to you. jude’s second season at real madrid would start soon, and you were on your last year of uni. meaning this year would be hectic and stressful. 

yet right now all you could focus on was the palm trees leaves swaing, the late night sky, and the buzz feeling from your tropical drink. 

the past few days the two of you had spent exploring and having fun, taking tours around places, going ziplining, trying new foods, lots of walks along the shore, making seashell necklace and a bracelet for jude, and ending your nights like this, in the warm pool. you were grateful the place you had chosen to travel was sorta excluded from the world, being a private getaway without the media following around. 

“you okay? you seemed distracted,” jude asked swimming towards you where you lifted your hand to remove the water drops from his face. his sunkissed face from the past few days. you had to force him to wear sunscreen, listening to jude nag and complain he would be fine.  you knew this heat, humidity, and sun wasn't like the one in spain, easily burning in the first few seconds stepping outside. 

“i don’t want to leave, like ever,” you frowned and pouted your lip, jude chuckling as he picked you, wrapping your legs around his waist as his hands smoothed your bareback. “i don’t picture you as a thalassophile, with your little beach bag and sun hat,” jude joked earning a confused look from you. “a what?” you asked with narrowed eyes. 

“a thalassophile.”

“what even is that?” you giggled, your hand scratching the nape of his neck, as jude rested against the pool walls. “a thalassophile? it's someone who loves the ocean. for someone who claims they are the smarter one in the relationship, this is proving otherwise…” jude narrowed his eyes, resting his forehead against yours, seeing the warning look you threw at him. “as the smarter person in the relationship, i’m shocked you even know that word!” you gasp sarcastically. 

“hey! leave me alone…” jude tickled you making you swarm around and swim away from him, going to the edge of the pool where he followed. “what would you do? set up a small shop and sell souvenirs?” he teased, seeing how you looked away nonchalantly. “uhm yes? but mine wouldn’t be overpriced or aesthetic shops, i would bring the culture and actual diversity. give a tiny background of my items and what not…” you shrug with a shy smile, seeing jude’s eyes never leaving yours, watching how your lashes fluttered and iris dilate. 

“why are you looking at me like that? it makes me nervous, baby…” you admit with cheeks flushed, shaking your head. jude laughs and looks away, making you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. your pulse and heart racing with one simple glance from him. “does it? i didn’t know that,” he said carelessly, bringing you back into his embrace, tucking and brushing away your hair that covered your shy face. 

“stop lying…” you rolled your eyes playfully, feeling jude’s warm hands as they ran your sides and thighs. “if i'm a liar, why aren't my pants on fire?” he joked terribley, his brum accent appearing more than ever, which made the two of you burst out laughing. “you and your jokes i swear… you think you're the funniest person ever,” you tease, hearing jude gasp. “maybe because i am?” defended jude. 

you swam back to your drink, having to pull off from your clingy boyfriend, who complained the minute you were away. you finished it, after offering jude some, hearing the ice clink in the glass, only having the strawberry left, which you took a bite of. jude watched intensely, seeing your lips around the red fruit and leave a trail behind. 

he swallowed deeply as you stepped near him, feeling your arm wrap around his shoulders, coming between his legs, your tongue licking off the extra strawberry off your top lip as you offered him some. his eyes looked up into yours, tasting the bitter yet sweet taste from the fruit as he took a bite. he stood up, towering over you as you placed the stem in the cup, your back resting on the pool. 

“you're so beautiful y/n… absolutely stunning,” he whispered, seeing upon how his words had an effect on you. you traced your hands around his bare muscles, veins decorating along his arms, as his fingers tilted your chin to him, jude crashing his lips on yours. he deepens the kiss, managing to sneek his tongue into your mouth, groaning and pulling closer to him, his hand tugging you locks of hair from the back, making you let out a tiny moan. 

“tastes so much better from your lips,” he whispered, yet he didn’t stop, and you didn’t want him to. this was so different, so intimate, driven by lust. jude knew all your spots, and you learned his. he knew how to bring you to the edge, the movement, the words. so it wasn't a surprise when he pulled away, pressing your hips down onto him, kissing down your jaw to your sweetspot on your neck, sucking softly making you shiver and throw your head back. “mhm jude… what if someone sees?” you say worriedly.

“they won't… we’re alone here, it's just you and me.”

you leaned down and captured his lips again, smacking his shoulder gently. “not so fast,” you giggle, feeling as he fondled with the bowtie on your bikini. jude gave you a playful smile, knowing his intentions wouldn't be so innocent. “what i wasn’t doing anything,” jude shrugged. “right cause you never do, and especially on this trip…” you eye him down. 

“i just want to love and appreciate my girl.” 

“you have… i think this may be our favorite trip. it's something about this place i don’t know,” you blabber off, jude listening to every word, already making a future visits for the next years to come. maybe one day bring your kids to this paradise even himself grown to love. seeing you in a new environment, with your summer glow of happiness, he could get used to it. he would drop anything, even football, just to see you this radiant. it didn’t matter if it was in the sunlight or moonlight.

“you think our kids would love this place?” jude said suddenly making your crinkle your brows. “kids? you want to have kids with me?” you say unsurely, earning a confused glance from jude who tensed up. “yes… i wouldn’t picture anyone else,” jude replied, seeing how your eyes dazed from bewilderment to jovial. “you better not, you know how i am,” you give him a look. 

“trust me i know,” jude said, thinking back to the one time a girl wouldn’t get a hint he was with you, doing the upmost right in your face, flirting, touching him, following him. it didn’t help you were deep in with tequila shots, embarrassing the girl by calling her out in public. but she took the hint.

“i’m serious though y/n… i want everything and anything for you and us,” confessed jude, pecking your lips where you turned away shyly once again. “you don’t know the amount of times i think about our future. what were doing 5 years from now, our home, kids, hell pets even! i know you seriously want a cat, i’m willing to do whatever it is to see you smiling always…” he continued, your gazed bored into each other, as in a way of sealing this moment for eternity. 

“when you won the champions league that night, do you remember what i said to you?” you ask, seeing jude think about it, and by seeing his face you knew he was bound to say something silly. “i was really drunk that night, so i don’t recal much,” jude taunted, earning another gentle slap on his shoulder from you. 

“be serious!” you threatened with a huge grin.

“if you’re recalling when you promised a lifetime with me, confessed your love, and promised me that you’d stick with me forever? that you knew it was a complete different world when i was in it? that you wanted to continue making memories with me, no matter the sacrifices?” jude recalled, watching how your eyes became teary. “yes. i remember it all.”

you sniffed while also giggling, kissing jude deeply and messily once again. you notice how jude’s breathing accelerated, tugging you closer to him and keeping you steady, making you sigh in content. “i’ll never get tired of kissing you,” you admit, kissing his nose and a tiny mole he had at the end of his brow, as jude then twirled you both around, hearing the squeal of excitement escape your lips. 

“so about our babies-”

“babies?” 

“yes babies. i want more than 2 kids,” jude said with a huge smile, seeing how you gave him a look. “we’ll have one first and then see,” you state, seeing jude shake his head. “nuh uh, i’m not having that, especially when i heard you say to your best friends you would give me 6 kids when we met that night,” jude said smirking when he knew he had caught you. 

“YOU DID NOT HEAR THAT? OH MY GOD, YOU ACTUALLY HEARD THAT?”

the rest of the night, you and jude counted the stars, he even made another drink where he repeatedly insisted he wanted to repeat the kiss you once had. you even played those silly pool games where you threw a item in the pool and one of you had to find and retrieve it, a game of 2 truths and 1 lie, and recalling your earliest memories you could think of. 

towards the end of the night you sat on the edge of the pool, watching jude do some laps before he swam up to you. you clenched your legs together, when feeling his lips trail kisses up your thighs, forcing you to open them so he could continue on the inside of them. “what are you doing?” you shakily say, seeing jude look up to you as he placed a final kiss on a tiny scar you had. 

“nothing…” jude murmured, pulling you closer to him, where you now realized how this night would end. but you didn’t complain, because you wanted him that desperately too. showing him just how much you needed and wanted him. jude didn’t fight it either, having a taste by the pool side, to then carrying you into you room where he continued to show you, prove to you how special you were.  

“gonna take care of you, you deserve it angelito mio.”

———— j.b ————

judebellingham

liked by: ynusername, brahim, yourbestie, camavinga, vinijr, sophiaamelia, fedevalverde, vogue, spottedcelebrity, and 4,888,769 others!

judeballingham: living life it's fullest along with you mi angelito divino 🤍

comments:

ynusername: EEKKK!! ILYSM 😣😣😣😣

ynusername: still thinking how sunburnt you got...

vinijr: no invite?

↪️ judebellingham: do you have a gf?

jobebellingham: literally why

↪️ judebellingham: why not?

spottedcelebrity: HARD LAUNCH? IS EVERYONE BREATHING OKAY?

↪️ ynusername: no.

trentalexanderarnold: very demure, very cutesy!

username19: hard launch? oh wow!

user38: this is actually so crazy im??????

vogue: HEY JUDE!

———— j.b ————

ynusername 🔒-> 🔓

liked by: judebellingham, yourbestie, jobebellingham, jennaortega, monetmcmicheal, spottedcelebrity, rubendias, trentalexanderarnold, adidas, glossier, and 34,897 others!

ynusername: i LOVE my man!! ily ily ily!! happy gal in happy place with my man!! EEEKKKKK!!!!!!!!!! 💞💕♥️💘💖💓💗💝

comments:

judebellingham: i can't tell if this is sarcasm or your being fr...

↪️ jobebellingham: she hates you. she CAN'T stand you! blink twice if you need help y/n

ynusername: blinks three times **

judebellingham: strawberry kissed.

judebellingham: you're so sexy, i'm so in love with you.

judebellingham: another pool night?

↪️ ynusername: yess!! 🤭🤭

rubendias: lol.

↪️ user55: tea...

↪️ username76: OH? @spottedcelebrity take a look at this?

↪️ spottedcelebrity: yikes... ruben in the comments of THE y/n??

yourbestie: imy!! eek you're glowing!! 🥹🥹

username10: omg!! she has been soft-launching him for a YEAR?

user30: so we were right...

username85: ur a smart and gorgeous queen!

user99: stop i love them so much.

[taeraeszn]

how zb1 fell in love with you

a/n: hi everyone!! i guess this is my return?? i haven't really got the motivation to write but i wanted to finish this.

this was in my drafts ever since i created this account but never got around to finishing it, so enjoy <3 also can u believe this is my first non-requested writing??

btw my new username is taeraeszn! my old username was zb1luvr :)

description: everyone has a different story of meeting their life partner, just like how zb1 members met you.

warnings: mentions of food, please lmk if there's anything else!!!!

kim jiwoong - at the cafe

being stood up was something that jiwoong didn't expect but he also didn't expect to see someone walk in that made his heart pound. you were there at the usual time you arrive to order the usual.

jiwoong was waiting for his date to arrive but it had been an hour and he was losing hope, but you came just in time to save the day.

as you were sitting, taking sips of your coffee, jiwoong couldn't help but stare at your face. taking in every feature of yours, while simultaneously blushing hard.

his admiration montage was cut off when he saw you get up to toss your drink away and leave the cafe. in a panic, he ran after you, forgetting about his own latte that was left at his table.

just as you walked out, you heard footsteps trailing behind and someone tapping your shoulder lightly. you turned to see the most handsomest guy you've ever met in your life.

"i'm sorry but.." he said, panting while trying to compose his words, "i saw you in the cafe and i couldn't let you out of my life this quickly." you felt the corners of your lips rise at his words. he quickly took his phone out and handed you it.

"your number?"

you were taken back by the man's word but couldn't help but fall for him as well.

"i'm flattered. what's your name?" you grinned, he shyly looked at you.

"kim jiwoong."

"nice to meet you. i'm (name)."

rest are under the cut!

zhang hao - at the cafeteria

the cafeteria was absolutely packed to the brim at your university. you were able to snatch a seat with pure luck as someone left just as you walked in. the seat beside you was empty and you were left alone to eat your burrito while doing some schoolwork.

just then, another person took a seat next to you. as you looked up, you thought your eyes were messing with you as such a handsome guy decided to sit near you.

he noticed your facial expression and chuckled, "sorry. it's just really crowded here and i needed to sit."

you shook your head, "no, no! it's fine." you were too shy to admit to the boy that he was cute.

but now you couldn't focus on your work as he was all you could pay attention to, whenever you two made eye contact, you felt butterflies forming in the pit of your stomach.

"your studying psychology?" he questioned, you jumped at his abrupt question.

"uh, yeah. what about you?"

"just music." he opened instagram on his phone and slid it towards you.

"let's chat more. i can help you in studies."

sung hanbin - at the han river

as life had been getting more stressful, you knew you had to take a break and head to the han river to relax. it was your go to spot to chill and avoid all of life's problem.

your blanket was laid out with your lunch box ready to be devoured. as you got your utensils out, someone was standing in front of you, you looked up and a guy, just smiling at you.

you were puzzled but slightly smiled at him.

"hey, i'm sorry for disturbing you but is there any bathroom near here?"

you turned your head to take a look around you but shrugged when you faced him again.

"i'm not too sure, i'm sorry." he chuckled then abruptly sat down next to you. you were taken aback by it but he chuckled, revealing his adorable face whiskers. you swore you almost died on the spot.

"well there actually aren't any, i just needed an excuse to talk to you." he revealed.

he put his hand out, "my name is hanbin."

you two shaked hands, "nice to meet you."

hanbin gasped at your lunch box, "wow! did you make that?"

"yup! i usually come here to take my mind off a few things whenever i'm stressed."

hanbin grabbed his lunchbox too and opened it, grabbing his chopsticks as well.

"me too. want a bimbimbap?" and hence, you fell for him.

seok matthew - on an airplane

though your flight got slightly delayed from the original take off, you were able to get on the plane. your seat wasn't too great but it was the most you could afford.

one good thing though, you claimed the window seat. you melted into the seat as you sat down, immediately checking your phone to see if anyone sent you a call or text.

"oh shoot, sorry!" you heard someone say, you looked up and saw a guy who was clearly struggling to place his luggage up in the cabins as his one suitcase nearly hit everyone around him.

but someone kindly offered a hand and he made his way to the seat right next to you.

you took notice of his face and how cute he looked, he had round glasses on as well as a hoodie. he was clearly planning on being comfy this flight.

"hello!" the canadian boy greeted you. his smile was addicting and you felt yourself suddenly being grateful that you chose this seat, matthew could say the same.

"hi." you waved, he tapped on the screen in front of him, "you're heading to seoul too?"

you nodded, "yeah, visiting for a while."

"that's cool! i'm matthew by the way."

"i'm [name]."

kim taerae - at a recital

since your mom was too busy to attend your younger sibling's singing recital, you took it upon yourself to attend it for her. you were always proud of your sibling for their hard effort in doing what they like and you knew they would be excited to see you.

as you were sitting in the audience, a guy who looked to be around the same age as you sat right next to you as the seats were filling up one by one.

"oh-excuse me! sorry, coming through.." he apologized while trying to get through, "it's really busy here huh?" he joked.

"definitely." you replied. from the corner of your eye, you swore he was staring at you, even when you were on your phone.

"is one of your relatives also here?" you nodded, "my younger sibling."

"oh, my younger cousin is here! see? she's in the blue dress." you could tell right away as she stood out with her dress colour choice.

when the recital ended, you were holding hands with your sibling and heading to your car when you heard someone shouting behind you. it was the guy from earlier!

"i couldn't help but want to talk with you more." he gave you his contact number.

"oh! sure." you were surprised that he was interested in you since he just seemed like he wanted to ease the awkwardness between you two from earlier.

as you finished adding his number, you looked up at him but he was already going the opposite way.

"i didn't get your name!" you shouted, he turned and that's when you saw his adorable smile.

"it's taerae!" you smiled to yourself, writing it in with a heart beside it.

shen ricky - at the basketball court

you and a friend just happened to come across the basketball court in your neighborhood during a small walk. the weather was stunning and everyone was outside. the court was situated near a park where kids were playing on the swing sets.

as you got closer, you noticed a tall blonde guy shoot the ball into the hoop which got everyone nearby excited and cheering for him.

your friend smiled and hit you playfully, "hey, isn't he super handsome?" you didn't even reply as you were too focused on his looks.

it seemed that he noticed your gaze since he turned at that exact moment and gave you a sweet smile, causing your heart to beat rapidly.

after the game wrapped up, you planned on walking back home with your friend when you heard someone behind you say "excuse me."

"yes?" the cute blonde player was standing there, his cheeks heating up.

"i couldn't help but notice you watching the game, i want to get to know you better, is it okay if i can have your number?" he had his phone in his hands.

"oh really? well...sure! my name is (name) by the way."

"i'm ricky." he smiled.

"it's nice to meet you ricky." you then entered your number in his phone with your name as the contact name.

"i'll see you around then?" he suggested.

you giggled, "of course."

you both waved goodbye with your friend continuously asking what he said as well as you blushing at the thought of texting him.

kim gyuvin - on a walk

you were taking your dog on a walk since the sun was shining and the weather was too perfect to not. you took notice of all the dogs that were walking outside too, your dog was also very excited with their tail waggling and tongue out.

you got distracted at the sight of the sky turning purple that you accidentally bumped into the person in front of you. your eyes widened as you were ready to turn and make a run for it, already feeling the embarrassment.

but instead, you were greeted by a handsome tall man who was also taking his dog on a walk.

"i'm so sorry, i didn't see where i was going." you apologized, your dog got thrilled at seeing another dog and began barking loudly with the man's dog also doing the same.

"can't blame you, i also found myself looking up at the sky." he replied, causing you to raise your brow.

"how'd you know?" he chuckled and you almost died at the spot seeing how cute his smile was.

"i know everything, well not really, but-HEY EUMPPAPPA STOP!" he abruptly shouted when his dog eumppappa began running after your dog in a circle.

"well, i guess i'll be going now. it was nice talking with you." you announced then heading straight until the man was once again in front of your view.

"WAIT! is it okay if we can hang out sometime? i want to talk to you more." you were taken aback by how straightforward he was but it made you like him even more.

"but i barely know you." he shrugged, "that's why i want to hang out, to get to know you better." he smirked while taking out his phone and handing it to you.

"your number?"

park gunwook - in the bus

"why is it so crowded today?" you muttered to yourself as you hopped on the bus to get home. it was absolutely packed (which was your nightmare). you got a look around and saw that a seat in the back was not occupied, you rushed to sit there and rested your bag on your thighs.

just then someone sat right near you, you didn't look at their face but noticed that it was a guy.

as the bus drove, more people began getting off to their stop, but the guy beside you didn't. it seemed that you two might be getting off at the same stop or his is far away.

"ugh thank god everyone got off." the guy beside you murmured. you slightly chuckled, "tell me about it."

you didn't even realize that you replied to him until a few seconds later. he was probably talking to himself and you made yourself look like an idiot.

"glad that someone else feels the same way. i feel so trapped inside these buses when their packed to the brim." he said. it was then that you looked up and saw him looking out the window, you froze seeing his face.

he was good looking, but you were too shy to stare for longer and shoved your face back into your phone but your eyes began to get droopy. you attempted to keep them open but lost the fight as you fell asleep.

you woke up a while later with the guy beside you slightly poking your shoulder, "hey, i'm not sure if this is your stop but it's the last stop." you blinked and looked around at your surroundings. it was your neighbourhood.

"thank you! i must've fallen asleep." he giggled, revealing his gummy smile.

"of course! i'm getting off too." he stood up and exited the bus, not without thanking the bus driver. you followed and once again thanked him.

"thank you...uh..?"

"gunwook." your smile widen, "yes, thank you gunwook!"

"no worries. i'll see you around then." you two went different paths with gunwook heading left and you going right. but even after when you approached your house, the thought of gunwook still lingered around.

now you couldn't wait to head home tomorrow if you saw him again.

han yujin - in the gymnasium

your class was in the gym playing soccer, but unfortunately you had gotten injured and were stuck to sit on the bleachers watching everyone.

however, this was good since you got to have a glimpse of your crush yujin. he was great at playing soccer which had you smiling like an idiot the entire time.

your friend approached you, "(name) are you doing okay?" they sat beside you. you nodded, "yeah, look at yujin! isn't he too good?" just then yujin got another goal in the net which caused his team to cheer and go hug him.

"he really is, nobody has been to get a goal on the other team because he keeps snatching the ball." (sorry i suck at sports terms lol)

your friend left you alone to rejoin the game. however it began getting boring and you began doing some schoolwork as you had your bag with you.

as you were lost in the world of math, you heard footsteps get closer to you and you looked up to see...yujin?

you were stuck on what to say but luckily yujin began the conversation.

"hey are you okay?" he said, looking at the cast on your leg.

you quickly nodded, "y-yeah i'm fine, totally fine, i-it's just a minor injury." you were already cringing at how much you were stuttering.

"well i hope you get better soon." he then sat down beside you with your hands not too far apart from each other.

"thank you." it got silent for a while as yujin decided to take a break from playing and watch your classmates. but you were still focused on him, occasionally taking some glances at him while trying to not look weird.

after class ended, you ran out as it was your last period. you were heading out the front door when yujin approached you once again.

"hey...(name)." you were surprised that he knew your name. "is it okay if we walk home together?"

you began blushing, "of course! is your place far?" he shook his head, "is yours?"

you shook your head, "it's next to the convenience store." he grinned, "same!"

with that you two began walking home. yujin continuously asked if you were okay and reminded you to take your time while walking home. he was considerate of your condition and helped you get home safely. you hoped that this would happen tomorrow too.

[randomshipperhere]

The 31 Days Before In Space With Markiplier

!!🧹CLEANING OUT DRAFTS WRITTEN IN LIKE 2022. Posted as is last written🧹!!

A recap of what happened in the one month before the release that is more or less related to ISWM. Open to any missed info and note.

I used my time zone for this so some events may have happened hours earlier or later for others. That and also the date I found certain posts. So you have to keep those two factors in mind while reading through. Also minor note is that I write them on the day and once it’s over I do not mess with previous entries.

This post is for fandom historical purposes or in case someone needs a refresher in the future or someone is feeling nostalgic.

March 5, 2022: Mark released the official trailer for In Space with Markiplier.

He has replied to tweets, and reblogged stuff on tumblr. If you look at the keywords for the trailer, he was cheeky and typed “you’re looking for an easter egg aren’t you?”. No need to call us out.

2 Major fan agreements: Chica is seen as the most important part of the trailer, and we aren’t qualified enough to run a spaceship.

March 6, 2022: He is seen in multiple comments section of ISWM trailer reaction videos on youtube. Pretty active on social media probably reading fan reactions on all platforms he knows. Like a lurker. 

March 7, 2022: Unrelated but it sparked discussion. Matpat made a Game Theory video of Mark’s ideal Pokemon. 

March 8, 2022: Some memes about how ISWM is free and not paid got popular. Not sure the origin date of this fandom meme but he does go on a rant in “nothing strange is happening here.” about being confused why people think Distractible Podcast was paid.

March 9, 2022: Mark has interacted with his fans on twitter. Gave the fans a scare.

A fan announcement is released to change names and locations when ISWM drops. Mark himself liked an earlier version of the tweet.

Unrelated to ISWM but related to fandom matters. 10 Minute Power Hour - Season 2 Trailer on The Grumps youtube channel was posted. I’ve heard that marktwt ended up having to see his ass on their timelines for a few days. Cannot confirm nor deny.

March 10, 2022: Cursed stream. Watching the Same Video 100 Times. He has way too high of a charisma stat that there was a good amount of people went along with this insane stream from start to finish. He had a very Actor-esque monologue in the middle and got permission to show BTS photos (say Thanks Amy). Live viewers was consistently around 25k.

This is the day a good amount of the fans decided we will give him hell when the show comes out.

March 11, 2022: I’m not sure why but the Markiplier fandom on tumblr decided to make some Bald Mark edits.

March 12, 2022: The Test 2. Timestamp: 51:34. It’s another tease for ISWM but this is from the last frame of Everything has to begin with the date release from the ISWM trailer.

March 13, 2022: Not much outside of some fans making a copypasta. “Hello. This is Markiplier. I have been logged out of my main account and I need your credit card information so I can keep making Youtube Let's Plays.”

There are variations but the main content of the copypasta is the same. Mick also posted this on his twitter.

March 14, 2022:  Mark did a livestream “Five Nights at Freddy’s 2: REVISITED”. It managed to reach over 100k viewers live on average (probably, I was only there in the last 50 minutes). For whoever needs it. He likes being called a himbo.

March 15 & 16, 2022: Nothing noteworthy to say about these days.

March 17, 2022: Since so much nothing has happened. I’ll report that Mark uploaded Assessment Examination. Cursed Thumbnail BTW. Thanks, I hate it.

March 18, 2022: Nothing to note.

March 19, 2022: Mark went live. FNAF 3 Revisited. He mentions 1928 so WKM fans are triggered. Also briefly explains why he hasn’t been active.

March 20, 2022: Mark retweets this. 

March 21, 2022: Mark went live. FNAF 4 Revisited. I find it funny that if you ctrl+u and searched for the keywords he just keeps adding instead of changing things around. First one I didn’t get to watch live.

March 22, 2022: The Grumps: 10 Minute Power Hour. Our [REDACTED] boys doing chaotic things as usual. 2 weeks left before release, I’m assuming Mark will start messing with the fandom big time when there’s only a week left.

Mark went live and streamed Sister Location. Peaked at 106k viewers. He’s still adding keywords there.

March 23 & 24, 2022: Please move on to the next date.

March 25, 2022: On youtube, Mark started a premiere countdown.  Mark retweeted 2 fan arts on twitter. Then he had a bit too much fun over on tiktok.

March 26, 27, and 28, 2022: Please move on to the next interesting date. I guess instead of just the trailer thumbnail, we had the trailer playing too.

March 29, 2022: DING! DING! DING! DING! Something finally happened! One of the captains found a link to an unlisted video because their premiere glitched. It’s mostly the same. The only thing that has changed is that the slap is in reverse. Here is the link and from unlisted it went to private. So that link is useless now but hey, at least we have the URL.

He really played us like that huh...

March 30, 2022: Because timezones are a thing, I’m writing the part 2 here. A couple of our fellow captains found 2 codes from the video. One and two. The first one has an update. First link references Venus, and the second link is with Zeus so Jupiter. This amazing captain has a pretty solid idea. Whether this will be true or not is up to the future.

Thumbnail changes are also happening. Mark is also messing with the polls. Three times actually.

Mark liked this post on twitter.

(kinda lumped them together because I was still looking for posts of peeps trying to figure this stuff out.)

March 31, 2022: Knock! Knock! 3rd edit has us shown a robot and a new set of codes. This time it’s for Kronos aka Saturn. Differences for today’s trailer. Theory of possible upcoming codes. Link to the video that is now privated. Thumbnail change is even more fucked up with the mouth erased.

April 1, 2022: Captain Atterid with updated code results. Also better compilation post of trailer thumbnail changes. Mark changed the thumbnail for April Fools. He also seemed to stop creating a poll asking whether we had reminders on.

It was Ares this time around. Theory for upcoming planets as well.

April 2, 2022:

.

April 3, 2022:

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April 4, 2022:

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April 5, 2022: In Space With Markiplier releases in my time zone :)

Happy Space Expeditions fellow Captains!

.

In order: Aphrodite-Venus, Zeus-Jupiter, Kronus-Saturn, Poseidon- Neptune, Ares- Mars,

March 22: I’m assuming Mark will start messing with the fandom big time when there’s only a week left.

Hey I got it right!

[namjoonscoffeeshop]

I love deep so much, it's become an obsession to the point that it brought me back to reading fanfics like????? it's been a while since i've read a fanfic. and i'm new to tumblr, I did an account and ran straight to your page and I got to ask. How do you come up with all these ideas? and the handbook that was so helpful and omg the side stories i'm just obsessed. and a wreck for the next chapter.

does it make you nervous? releasing the chapters? I would be nervous to release my writing, i'm not good at all but your writing is just so well written lol.

first, I'm happy to hear that my writing has brought you back to the fanfic community, there are so many great writers out there wayyyy better than me but I always appreciate it when you guys compliment my writing because it eases my nervousness when it comes to releasing the chapters for sure. I spend a lot of time writing and well my readers know that I tend to sometimes delete an entire chapter and rewrite it if I feel as if its not flowing....i'd rather start over than release something i'm not happy with. (btw I deleted the entire 2k words I wrote yesterday for chapter nine hahahaha....but I have the ending written in my notes to know where I want the chapter to head)

as for the ideas, I think i've said this before and i'm not sure if I wrote it in my FAQ but the ideas just come to me hahaha. nothing ever planned, like I have other fanfics written in my wattpad drafts but if I don't feel a attachment to them I tend to just leave them there after writing (sometimes ideas wont leave my head until I write it down, and causes me to have writers block so I write them to release stress hahaha)

before releasing a chapter I do feel nervous but excited mostly to share it with you guys and well as I write I tend to react to my own writing. like last time I came and said my heart was "clenching" or that I screamed over some part I wrote. It's nice to see others react to my writing, so thank you everyone for sending questions and your comments on wattpad and here OH and my AO3 readers too.

I especially loved one comment that made my entire day. I'll post it below.

[continent-of-wild-endeavor]

Belated update on this experiment:

Toe increase line: I tested lifted, make one, knit front slip back, and yarnover increases, one on each side of each toe. Running my fingers over them, the kfb is least noticeable (unfortunate, since it's ugly), but in actually wearing the socks I couldn't tell a difference between the various methods.

Spreading out the increases probably did more to make them non-feelable. The blunt shape of this toe doesn't fit my particular feet very well, so I'll have to adjust on the next attempt, but the staggering where the incs go is good.

Underfoot reinforcement: Both "ribbed" and Eye of Partridge slip patterns seem adequate for the purpose, but EoP is marginally more comfortable (no linear distinctions, since sl sts are offset) and I think it's the better tool for the job.

I realized partway through that this is probably not an original idea, but rather an unvention. Which is a lovely and useful word for when you come up with a clever way of doing something that, really, you can't take full public credit for, because someone else has almost certainly come up with it before. But they either kept it to themselves or put it in a book that's been out of print for 40 years, or it's just been forgotten or become obscure.

Ultimately, this pair didn't fit me all that well. I wore & washed them several times to get a feel for them, but they're a little too long for my feet & kept slipping off the heel. I've given them to my sister, who has bigger feet than me, and she promises to report back on the longevity of the reinforced soles.

Pattern/texture: This wasn't the point of the experiment, but I liked the decorative pattern I used for the instep & legs. It's just k3p1 ribbing, but slip the center knit stitch on every other row. Easy, attractive, and stretchy. Pulls the fabric in slightly, but only vertically, which makes it nice & dense.

One other tip: I made them pretty tall, to use up all the yarn, and added increases to account for calf shape. I can't give an exact #, but if you do that, do less of them than you think you need. It ended up a little loose in the leg, though easy to fold over for shorter socks.

My actual progress notes are below the cut, bc I'll want to reference them next time & was keeping them in this draft, but they are neither edited nor probably very interesting.

1/3 Cast on 14 ea needle. K 1 row.

row2: K2 (inc) k across, (inc) K2

incs in this order: Lifted, make1, KfrontSLback, YO

(so on the way back it needs to be YO, KfSb, make1, lifted)

row3: K4 (inc) etc

row4: K

and start alternating here

5 is inc near edge, 6 straight, 7 inc further in, 8 straight, etc

1/5 added tags to socks the other day so i can see what I"m doing

increased to 56 sts. gauge 7-7.5 sts/in, foot circ 8"

then working straight. instep side is k3p1 rib with middle k slipped every other row. sole side has 2 edge sts then reg slip heel method on one, eye of partridge on other. will continue until I think it's past the ball of the foot.

why does other ppl's EoP make the pretty diamond pattern, and mine is just a slight texture? diff yarn, gauge, sth else?

1/9 tried them on as I went to determine where the thickened patch goes, but it ended up starting ~15 rows/1 3/8" after co and continuing for 34 rows/2 1/2" in sl stitch

started gusset increases 3.5" before end of heel. doing lifted incs for all bc it looks nicest, and spreading them out 1 st/3 st from needle ends. will inc until heel needle st #=original st total (56)

using the heel from Natural Beauty socks

1/10 how will the compression of the slipthick panel under the heels affect the speed/length of gusset increase? will try on a lot to check

this is probably an Unvention

*sl1,K1* alternating rows with *K1,sl1* and no just k row in between: probably the closest approximation to stranded knitting thickness, & I didn't think to test that on these. next time? would distort/vary from top even more

~3"/30 rows btw toe & heel slipped sections

1/11 probably should have started heel thickening earlier. Continued slip pattern into short row heel turn as far as practical, reducing as needed, then 2 rows were straight before flap start

1/13 past the heel, tapering out the heel back reinforcement. trying on now shows the heel bottom thickening makes the heel side gap/pucker a little. Unsurprising, but we'll see how much it matters after blocking/in actual wearing use. May be annoying/sloppy, may not matter.

actually didn't taper it, bc i realized the slips lined up perfectly btw rib pattern & heel reinforcement. on one sock. on the other (bc i had mirrored the fronts but not the heel texture) i had to decrease on one side & inc on the other to make it not jog to the side. oh well. plan ahead to avoid.

unrelated to intended experiments, but this k3p1 slipped rib makes a really nice fabric, bc it densifies with the slips, but only vertically, so it's just as stretchy as normal ribbing.

I've been without a craft project for a couple of days (unsure where to go with Fair Isle ideas & would need to buy yarn for it anyway, full of sewing ideas but without functional machine) but now I've got a couple of sock knitting ideas that are burning holes in my brain & there's no solution but to test them out.

Stranded socks with a checkerboard/very simple pattern on the bottom of the foot would be double thick in all the parts that wear thin/see a lot of stress (well, and everywhere else too, but still). I fear the lack of stretch, but I'd get to do more FI stuff without the commitment of a big project, and could use up some supposed sock yarns I have that are really a little too thin.

Toe up socks w/Judy's Magic Cast On are where it's at, but I don't like that I can feel the line of increases up each side of the toe. I've tried using different increases and may try some others, but also I want to play with spreading the increases out more (from the sides - how far apart can they go & maintain that tapered envelope shape?) or distributing them across multiple locations (rounded toe? just staggering them?) and I bet there are other possibilities. I'm open to suggestions if anyone has ideas on this subject.

Detailsdetails: - Lifted increases in the toe are probably my least favored option, because they pull yarn from the lower row and make it tighter - Make one is similar - Yarn over & ktbl in the next row is good, but it's a balancing act btw not doing it too tight (feelable line) and leaving a little hole. - Knit front & back I just don't like. It's ugly, and the variation where you just slip the back seems like it would decrease stretch, but is it feelable? Must test. - Are there other increases in the world? Must google. Double ones are probably all gonna be bulky. - What if the toe was worked inside out? How would that feel? Hm. Ideas.

[football-and-fanfics]

Sooooooo..... this week I experienced a writer's worst nightmare (or, actually, just anyone's worst nightmare)😥 Apparently we had a computer virus infecting our network at work last week. It got picked up on too late by our IT department, and my personal Google account (which I usually log onto to check my emails during my break) got hacked into and thoroughly f-ed up. Not only did I lose half my emails, I also lost a fuckload (excuse the language😁) of writing which was on my Google Drive.

But, to me, maybe the worst of it all, was that I lost all forms with all your lovely requests😭😭 I still have some exports on the hard drive of my own laptop with about 80% of the requests from the Smut and Bromance prompts, so consider those salvaged🙏 But apart from a dozen half-finished requests sitting in my drafts and a few in the Tumblr inbox, all other requests have been lost.... Trust me, I can cry a river (HAVE cried a river tbh 😥)

This unfortunately means that all pending requests from the Request an Imagine form, the massive prompts list from a few months ago, ánd the photo prompts requests have been lost forever.

The IT lads at work have been amazing at helping me trying to secure as much as possible, but even they could not retrieve much. They set me up with massive security for my Google account now though, so it's now "better protected than the Pentagon".😄 As is our network at work now I may hope 😉🙃

The Christmas/Winter prompts list from today is safe, since this was set up after this entire ordeal. I've already re-written the Request an Imagine form, so that's up and running again and safe to use.

So, if you've made a request which has not been posted yet, please be so kind to send it in again via this link. And since most prompts requests have been lost: anyone up for a new prompts list maybe Friday night or in the weekend?😇 Btw, this is the link to the new Request an Imagine form. I have updated the link in all the places I could think of, but it might be possible I forgot it somewhere. If you come across it, just let me know.

[onf-headcanons]

Another OFFICE AU aka CEO AU

A/n : Alas its not draft clearing but a brand new work for 2021 (but i still have some drafts as well)XD Hello, did any of you remember an idea dump I dropped for last year Christmas? you could easily guess which was it by tallying the mood board with the idea lists (*winks)

Setting :

1. OFFICE AU 2 , it is a brand new one where ONF member is a young CEO while you are his secretary. So I will name this one as CEO AU

Of course it does not hurt should you wanna imagine it as the already exist office au, using the idea dump posted for 2020 Christmas.

2. ONF MEMBER that I will integrate would be Hyojin and Seungjun as mentioned during the Christmas post, but I wont stop you for imagining other members, thats why in headcanons I will use ONF MEMBER instead their names. (For member X reader scenario)

3. In this headcanon, reader is slightly older than ONF member, maybe 2 or 3 years older. Same age is plausible, then it would be ONF member continued their studies further so they started working late.

ok lets go, beware its long and sorry if it is messy I tried my best to control 2 way storyline, I had fun writing but I know I am lacking much much more than I could notice. total 6k word count (dies)

1-1

• You work as assistant/secretary for the head of department/CEO in company before the young successor joins and his predecessor retires. • Because you tend to separate work life and private life, you established personality to look like ice queen on the outside (reality) but actually passionate carer on the inside (virtually). None of your colleagues knew, only your close friends • You have been using a chat app (not tinder type) for since you started intern, • 1. That app's specialty was anonymous. • 2. Its like a hideout spot where you can share and post whatever you love. (Because there are some co-workers added your FB or Insta and you felt it is a hassle to create another fake account exclusively to add people) • 3. Even though you tried and failed at 1 or 2 virtual relationships with other users, you never despise the thought of online dating. But you do know it’s not realistic so you never take it too seriously (it is also self-protection) • You would post some photos but mostly are just lunch pics, occasionally an outdoor view from your office floor, also some cute stationaries or accessories found on the way back home. (Just adding this trivia for fun linking the universe, maybe you pass by Minkyun’s flower shop as well?) • (It will be funny if your contents was more on sharing random idol pics that you follow, passionately promoting it hence creating a more impact contrast later when revealing) • One day you came across a post asking about what kind of cologne to buy for a predecessor who will be retiring. Being a good Samaritan, you leave a few suggestions under the post and did not really take it to heart, you forgot about it once you see the original author replied "Thanks" • Not knowing that 1 interaction would change your life forever.

1-2 • The next day, your superior announced his retirement and mentioned a young successor will join the company next month. And ONF member being the young successor does make rumors flying around the company, making people questioning his ability as he is related to company board of directors. The department you are in is under top 5 sales/profit bringing, so with a young successor would be inexperienced which might lead to drop of department reputation of course people are going to worry and gossip. • First impression with ONF member is actually ok. Well dressed, good looking and nice manners. The moment he followed his predecessor walks into the office floor, girls starts to make all sorts of gasping noises (lol) • Your superior mentioned that he bought a retirement gift for your superior deep down you approved at the selection of the cologne brand. • You might goes, this guy got sense, not bad. • One night after several days ONF member joined the department/company, you received a PM from a user, thanking you for the cologne recommendation. It took you a while to remember who it was. You politely replied him “You are welcome.” • The user also nonchalantly asked about how you can make such suggestion that pinpoints because by the glance at your profile, first impression could be very much misleading. • You just replied that you happened to know someone at that age who likes that type of scent hence the list of suggestions, what you did was just you taking the liberty to do a lucky guess. • Out of curiosity, you tap at the stranger’s avatar to get a glimpse of his profile, but out of your disappointment, there were no picture of his to know what he looks like. But there are pictures of scenery from places he travelled. • You also noticed that their “joined the app” days are way lesser than you are, quite a new user. • You found a few pictures of places you went before/ places that you want to go. Delighted, you started the conversation asking if he likes travelling and his next travel plans. • The other party replied briefly his plans and his experience during travels, from his words you know that he won’t be travelling overseas for the next 2 years as he had a new job and responsibility to learn. Instead he will be focusing on doing domestic travels. • His words made you reminisce your rookie days and you responded him that you understand him with empathy. You did not pry further but you do give him some encouragement, telling him that things will get better and once he got the hang of it, he will have more time on his own. (Yup at the moment you are thinking he is a freshman or newbie joining new company) • You timidly ask your new chat friend why they decided to join and use the app. He replied, “I don’t really play social media apps and I don’t want anyone to find me online, the anonymous system this app provides mental security for me.” • The reply was so different from those who are playing the app just for flirting and finding a quick date, you replied him, “Same as you.” • The conversation ends by the other party mentions he will need to be early for work and politely wishes you good night. The next morning you found the stranger has added you as friend, without any thoughts you tap on your screen and now you have a new mutual.

1-3 • Back to office, as ONF member is still new towards his scope of work, you would sometimes giving him advise and guides by sharing “What would his predecessor does.” or “What he can do by not violating company policy”. He takes advises well and would always inquire for your suggestion before making any critical decision. • Once he started to get the hang of it, you passed the torch of freedom to him because you are only a secretary/assistant. But he will still come to you, which you felt he was being dependent. (I feel if it is Minkyun, he will be more dependent should the scope of work is totally unfamiliar to him. Tendency of dependent to independent would be Seungjun, Hyojin, Yuto same par as Jaeyoung, Changyoon then Minkyun.) • (Of course sometimes there are some doubt raised regarding to policies and because he sees things in another perspective, you know he meant no harm but sometimes you wish he would just shut up and just follow the policy just for convenience sake+lessen damage. That’s because should any dissatisfaction of decision happens, colleagues will firstly come to interrogate you, hoping you to twist his decision or questioning your ability to lessen the damage done towards merit they/the department holds. AND YOU HATE PLAYING THOSE POWER MIND GAMES, even though the image you impose looked like you are skilled player.) • So there is some sense that being strict is you are trying hard to protect him and protecting yourself. • BTW ONF member, your new superior has a bright personality unlike his predecessor (huge reason is due to the age factor), even though inexperienced in work, he has good be friending skills. So people in the department felt it was less stressful working under him because he would do small talk with his underlings. (This hc is not suitable for Changyoon and Yuto during the beginning, due to their personality they would try but not suddenly initiating small talks on the first week joining.) • IT WILL BE FUNNY IF SOME FEMALE COLLEAGUE TOOK PITY ON HIM BY MENTIONING/GOSSIPING THAT YOU ARE TOO STRICT AGAINST HIM • Its not that you hate him or he does not have the ability to do his work, it’s just when he is standing on the opposing side against company policy it troubles you. • Every time when things like this happens, you would low-key complains by posting status on the chat app, mentioning you don’t hope for an understanding but you would hope those who are not in your shoes would shut up. Your mutuals mostly are office workers as well so resonates with your words. • Your new friend leaves a comment underneath the post you asking if you are doing alright, and hope you do not stress yourself too much. You thanked him for the mental support. • He will even PM you asking if you are doing alright, most of the time you don’t want to lose your cool plus you don’t think it is wise to abruptly rant towards a stranger as if they are emotional sandbag, so you will politely thank him and say that you are alright now. • Since you and your new friend work on the day, you two chat during the night and weekend, getting to know each other in a very casual pace. A bit of child hood and you both also shared your majors in studies. He told you that he used to study at overseas and he picked up hobby of travelling around a bit during those days. • You never turn on the app during lunch (to avoid people finding out) but your new friend does send you some messages during lunchtime. • As you and the new friend get to know each other, there has a few things in common, you two like talking about travels and you two read works by the same author • By the way the new friend is a he. You two are using ID names the whole time during chatting, because you have told him that you are not comfortable giving and knowing each other’s real name. He understands and respects that. • And you confirmed that he is slightly younger than you. Which you replied to him, “Oh my superior is same age as you.” • This new friend gives you a calm and mature vibe even though he is same age as your new superior. You could not help yourself but comparing. • The other party goes: “Wow, he must be a very successfully accomplished youngster.” • You go: “Nah, other than his outgoing personality that brings freshness to the department, he still got lots to learn.” • Your new friend then continues, “Your new superior is a lucky one, I can confidently say that because I have an excellent senior who would always look out for me.” • You respond, “Then you better treat them well.” • And he goes “Of course.”

1-4

• Work is as usual, possible you unintentionally eavesdropping and caught ONF member saying towards you (even better backing you up when some junior colleagues are reverse gossiping about you) : You know, Y/N might look cold and stern sometimes but actually a kind and gentle person. Y/N would always give out advice for the sake of the department/ company. • Cues you would fluster a bit by those words. • A few days later you are done briefing your superior their schedule. And ONF member suddenly ask if you are free for dinner. It’s already his 4th month in the company and wanted to properly thank you for guiding him with patience and prudence. • At first you wanted to decline him because you don’t want to deal with work related stuff after office hours, ALSO you don’t want anyone to start weird gossips. • Another reason is you don’t want to talk about yourself too much in front of your superior. Heck you even avoid your colleague’s invitations for dinner because you value your “me time” very much. • But looking at his anticipating face, you got soft and agreed that a coffee would suffice.  ONF member smiles at you suggest both of you to have coffee right now at Starbucks next to your company building. You are free to choose whatever drink you like. • Before both of you leave the room. And then you heard a familiar notification sound, you thought your heart is going to stop, that is the notification sound from the chat app you are using. You did not have your phone with you so it was obvious the sound comes from ONF member’s phone. • And that was a notification alert of the system has found someone nearby and presented to the user.  It got you curious and worried at the same time. • At Starbucks, ONF member had to answer a call, so you ordered his drink as well. • Later you see him start replying messages while waiting for orders to be done.  You wanted to have a peek at his user name but you are a few steps away and your instinct told you better don’t do that. What if it is already someone you already know? • “Curiosity killed the cat, remember?” You tell yourself. • Once you are at your desk, you took some deep breath to calm yourself and try to remember if you recalled wrongly but truth is you are accurate. You hurriedly checked you phone, there were no new messages and you are sure you have turned off location visibility.  Lucky for you it was never turned on to begin with. • You also kind of worried if your superior actually has a “fun” lifestyle after office hours. But, it’s hard to relate him to a playboy image when he looked like a friendly good boy. You shake your head and deny yourself. • “If (ONF member name) uses that app then I will need to be more careful.” you thought while sipping the frappe. So back at home, you started to alter all posts’ visibility to “Visible for mutuals only”. Took you nearly a whole night but better safe than sorry.

1-5 • More weeks pass by peacefully but one day a conflict happened between you and ONF member and some colleagues/minor members of the board.  He went ahead to announce that he decides (had a thought) to run a campaign/new rule (maybe a budget cut). The moment he finished his sentences, you know the seniors will not be happy with it. • Later after meeting, you politely confront with ONF member that he should discuss with you before announcing it on meeting. Plus, announcing without any advance preparation will put him and you in an awkward position as verbal announcement are not persuasive enough. Of course you are also worried that people might use this issue to tackle and exploit the cons of both of you being inexperience and young. • “With all due my respect, Mr.(ONF member name), it will be nice if you could discuss with me before dropping that bomb at the meeting.” you try not to sound fierce but your tone clearly does not sound you are cool with his actions at all. • “And later having you lecture me and stop me? You do know it was for the good of the company too right?” He retorts like usual • “Yes but no.” you try to fight back. “ It’s not that easy, there are people need to be dealt with and I don’t think you--” • Before you could finish, ONF member says with an eyebrow raised, “You don’t think I can handle it, because I am still unexperienced.” • You unconsciously frown and thinking, why is he suddenly trying to pick a fight deliberately today? Why is he suddenly trying to piss off seniors in the department/company? • ONF member then with firm tone, gives you suggestion, “Should you have anyone come to you and complain, tell them that you knew nothing at all and request them to talk to me directly instead.” • “I am the CEO, not you.” He adds. • You could not help but sigh, knowing there is not point arguing because he is not going to back down. And deep down you do know the new rule/budget cut will do more merit than harm. (Your focus is more on how deal with seniors employees not him for now because seniors are more pain in the ass compared to him) • But still there are people come to you and bug you while you are working and you can’t tell them to leave you alone hence it stresses you out. • You escape to the bathroom taking your phone with you and vents out at the app by posting a status mentioning you are just trying to do your job and wants a peaceful work days. • You also come across seeing your new friend posting a status prior your meeting time, it’s a photo of frappe you recommended him to try it out. He is thanking you for recommending it. • You could not help but feeling a bit jealous, should your title and work scopes are different/ should you are just normal employee rather than a CEO’s secretary, you might not need to face these kind of stress. • “Guess you have to bear what you signed up for huh?” you thought to yourself after 15 minutes cooling yourself down. • You switched your mind set and step out from bathroom. Returning to your place with your usual ice cold face. You are trying hard not to show that you are weak against stress. You are too immersed at people coming at you asking you questions, without knowing ONF member actually observing you with concerned gaze from his room. • That night, you receive a PM from your new friend asking if you are doing ok, as you never sound that upset before. He said he can lent an ear so you can tell him what happened. You spare him all the intricate details and tell him briefly that your superior made a mess and you need to clean it up also back his plan no matter you like it or not. • The whole progress he did not interrupt you nor tried to tell you what you should do, he let you type all the way until you finished. Once you are done, you asked, “I don’t know what might be up in his sleeves that it’s inconvenient for me to know beforehand but... Isn’t he a jerk, putting me into an awkward situation?” • Your friend backs you up and agrees with you that matters should be discussed, and critiques your superior actually could trust you more. • You thanked your friend for letting you to rant and mentioned you have accepted the fate because of the title and responsibility you hold in the company. That’s being professional and mature in office. • The other party replied that even if that is the case, he hope you don’t stresses yourself too much as it seems your new superior still needs your guidance and support. • You playfully replies, “Well I am not his babysitter XD, he will need to face a lot of issues by his own someday.” • “Why is that?” • “Well I can’t always be by his side though? I might get married and resign.” you reveal your future plans to your new friend, “Moreover, even I don’t resign, I might take pregnancy leave though?” • The other party comments, “I never thought you had that planned out.” • And he continues, “Your profile gives out the ‘I love my job so much.’ vibe” • You then back up your point by saying you do want that plan to work but too bad you are single now, so of course you are going to focus on your job more. Plus, you do not plan to find a partner in work place anyways. • The new friend leaves more supportive words and hoping it will cheer you up. By the end of the conversation, he also offers that you can come to him and rant should you need an ear. • You grin at his words and felt warm towards his actions. Rarely any of your mutual actually PM to check up on you. “Maybe he was just being nice.” you thought before you wish him good night.

1-6 • The next day, you are being summoned by your superior the first thing in the morning. He passes you a pile of documents and requests you to go through it. It a proposal regarding to the budget cut/new rule and he hope you can be his ally. His gaze is not as firm as yesterday, but it’s more of seeking approval and acknowledgement from you. • You let out a sigh and mutters, “You know, should you have hand this to me beforehand the situation won’t be that ugly.” And then you start to flip the pages. • “Sorry.” He apologizes. “But I really want to make it work. It’s also a handover work by my predecessor.” • “You look up upon him too much, ONF member, he is a sly fox just like the other seniors.” You do not mean to back stab but you are telling the truth. “Has it never come to your mind why he did not initiate the plan when he is here and requested you to initiate it when he is gone?” • “I know. But this move is going to benefit the company; I am willing to bear responsibility.” ONF member adds • You stop reading and look at your superior in the eye, “You better hope this work though, I don’t want my 5 months effort of guiding you goes to waste. And I hate the idea that I need to re- adjust my pace with a new superior.” • ONF member gets your intentions behind your words; he swiftly stands up from his chair and thanked you. “I owe you big one, Y/N. Another cup of coffee to thank you for reals?” • “No thanks, I will be busy. Next time.” You feel uncomfortable because the social distance between you two seems shortened, so you politely decline. • Luckily the whole budget cut/new rule policy worked out fine and by year end, benefits shows. You and ONF member can finally relax a bit knowing that you both have won the fight.

1-7 • Meanwhile, you did not stop interacting with your recent favourite friend. As you two got to know each other even more, both of you chat almost every day during the night. He never bores you and he can understand most of the topic you bring up. You are amazed that how can someone has so many things in common? • It spikes your curiosity and you ask him if a wonderful person like him has a partner in real life. He answers you that he is single, just like you are. • (You thought he is lying because he is such a nice guy, but of course you do tell yourself not to 100 percent trust everyone online) • Then he asks your opinion about online virtual dating. You honestly told him about your experience. But you added that even though you failed twice/thrice, you are not against it. • And that moment, you don’t know what has gotten into you, you playfully type, “You are asking my opinion on that as if you are preparing yourself” • “Prepare for what?” he asks • “To get yourself an online girlfriend.” You reply. • His respond reads, “Yes I am.” • “That’s wonderful. That girl you will be confessing is a lucky one.” • “Yea, indeed you are.” • You pause for a moment when you saw the message. • “Wait, you serious? ME??” you quickly send him the message because you thought should you hesitate longer, the mood will turn awkward. • He replies you by sending you a heart emoji. • You give a quick thought, well it is interesting chatting with him and he does seem nice. Plus, it’s online anyway, you could call it off should he becomes toxic and annoying like your previous experiences. • “I wasn’t sure if you are ok with someone like me. “He continues. “I am fine if you want to call it off should you found someone in real life later on.” • “Don’t be silly, that should be my line.” You retort him. • And then you have it, another secret. You have an online boyfriend now. You both even declared each other as a pair of soulmate publicly on the app. But you two did not exchange selfies, keeping the relationship virtual and anonymous. • However you two always share interesting stuffs happen on daily. New book, new cd, a random shot of a puppy or cat you met on the street. • Also before year end, you overheard girl colleagues gossiping about your superior has a girlfriend now; you are not interested at his private life so you just let it slide. • But you did briefly mention it to your boyfriend. Not in a gossip tone, more of a life update share. • Of course there are some girl colleagues that are ok with you comes to you, hoping you leak some information about ONF member’s rumoured girlfriend. But of course you know nothing at all, leaving them with disappointed answer. • Fast forward to the week before Valentine’s Day. It is also 10th month since ONF member joins the company. • Out of the sudden, your online boyfriend suggests you two to meet up. You are not against it, and it’s not like you never met anyone you know from the app. Thinking why not knowing a new friend in real life, you agreed his offer. (Also because you are curious what he looks like so that you can understand why he was single before dating you) • You even inquired his preference in chocolate and promise bringing him some on official first date. • Your boyfriend thanks you and suggests a place for dinner. You knew that place, it’s expensive and you could not help but wondering if he is trying hard to match you. (You still thinks he is just a normal employee in a company) • But, your boyfriend only replies: “Don’t worry, it is the perfect spot, I could not think of others that are suitable to our taste.” • You can only acknowledge it because you don’t want to have an argument to blow up but deep down you could not help yourself to start doubting again. • “It’s going to be Ok, right?” you question your decision, but it’s too late.

1-8 • On Valentine’s Day, younger female colleagues in your office give out chocolate treats to younger male colleagues as friendship presents, some of course using the occasion to confess. • You don’t have the habit of presenting chocolate treats as a token of friendship appreciation at the office. But you are giving your date chocolate treat later; you hid yours in your bag carefully scared of being teased should anyone saw it. • ONF member gets some too. One female colleague even teases him if he is going to get chocolate from his girlfriend. And ONF member replies that he might get it later that night. • Of course ONF member will asks you for chocolate treat with an innocent face, you just bluntly tell him that you don’t have the habit to give out chocolate treats, he only pouts after listening to your respond. • By the way today you unintentionally changed your makeup (lipstick or eyeshadow). No one dared to make any comments but not your superior, ONF member. • He goes: “Y/N ah? Did something good happen on you? Are you going to a date tonight?” • You are typing quick report and his words caught you off guard. You flinched at his words. Hoping ONF member did not notice, you quickly lied by telling him simply ran out of your usual makeup colour. • But your superior teases you a bit, “Aww, I was hoping I could attend your wedding in near future. “ • You have gotten used to his socializing pattern, so you counter him by asking if he is going to bring his girlfriend to have a nice dinner at a grand restaurant. • And to your surprise, he revealed the place he will be having dinner with his partner. It’s the same place where you are heading to later. He had a special room booked exclusively for tonight’s date. • “Oh, Oh… Have fun and enjoy your dinner.” You force yourself to break a smile. • ONF member only smirks at you and gives you a few pats on your shoulders and says he will have an unforgettable night before returning to his room. Leaving you questioning the meaning of his actions that are unpredictable but also definitely intentional. • Of course you had a quick thought asking your boyfriend if it is possible to change location, you could not bring yourself to ask as you are worried you might sound rude/arrogant trying to change plans on the last minute. You deduced that since ONF member will be having dinner in a room, you might not going to bump into him. You and your boyfriend can just finish dinner quickly. • You could not have that bother you too much time because you need to finish your report so that you can leave on time. Once it reaches the end of office hours, the others started to leave. You made up a plan to leave after ONF member leaves the office. You keep raising your gaze to have a slight peek towards your superior’s room. • Seeing him finally standing up from his chair and adjusting his suit. You can tell he is finally leaving. He passes through your desk and asks, “Y/N ah, please don’t tell me you are planning to work overtime during this special day?” • You only smiles and tell him you are going to finish soon, “Don’t you have a dinner to attend?” you remind him without looking at him, acting as if you are typing the remaining contents of your report. • “Yea I do. See ya.” ONF member waves you goodbye. • You leave the office after 10 minutes. (As for method of transport to the restaurant, I will leave it to your choice.)

1-9 • You reach the building of the restaurant. You let out a sigh, hesitating to step in nonchalantly knowing ONF member is inside there as well. The least thing you definitely do not want to happen is ONF member finding you having a dinner date tonight. It’s embarrassing and it will break the balance of your work and private life. • While you are pacing in front of the building with hesitation, you receive a chat notification from the app. You open it and it was your boyfriend, notifying you that he has arrived, and he reminds you the restaurant located at 38th floor. • You nervously bite your lower lip knowing it’s too late and it is rude of you to cancel the date on last minute. He was a decent person to chat with and you don’t want to lose a good friend. You are blaming yourself for agreeing to attend this date too casually. And you also find yourself way too wary of your virtual boyfriend’s thoughts towards you should you now called him to cancel the date. • Then you heard a familiar voice called out your name and you turn your head towards the voice unconsciously. It’s ONF member, walking out from the building. You flustered and panicked by just imagining scenarios of him asking why you are here and other many more questions. • “OMG…. Shit shit shit….!” You cursed in your head, regretting your life decisions. Recalling the entire chat context between you two, this might be the worst thing ever to happen in your life. • He is grinning while reaching out to grasp your hand. You unintentionally try to back away from him but he was faster. You tried to pull your hand away but he pulls you toward him instead. You nearly bumped towards his chest. • “Y/N ah, I told you its 38th floor; you did not get my message?” ONF member asks as his smirks widens. • As he finished his words, you only look at the young guy in front of you with disbelief, processing his words. Seeing you froze due to the big plot twist, ONF member taps you on your forehead hoping to unfreeze you. • “It can’t be…You are (ONF member’s ID in the app)?! “You exclaim. • “Yeap.” He responds. • “Impossible…How?” you ask. “How did you know it was me?” • “At first I had my doubt when I first saw an old post of yours. You shot a sunset pic from our office floor by the window near the lift right?” he returns with another question. And man he is good at remembering details. • “Then I confirmed that it was you by the time I announced budget cut/new rules for the company/department. ” he explains   • “I…” You could not bring yourself to say anything, but you are not an idiot, “(ONF member name), did you risked your reputation in the company just to find out a stranger’s real identity?” • “No, I did not, I swear. I initiated the plan to suddenly announce the budget cut because I want to find out which board seniors will make a move to cover up themselves, as requested from my predecessor.” He knows you well to sense that you are angry, and he quickly denied. “I only know it was you when I checked up on you. Since then I have been dropping so many hints for you to realize, but it seems like you are the dense one here.” • You can tell he is telling the truth. • “This is absurd…” you mutter while placing your hand on your forehead. • ONF member let out a sigh and he shifts behind you, places his hands on your shoulders then pushes you forward. “Come on, I am starving we can talk about it later, you did not had a decent meal during lunch as well right?”   • He is right, you only had a mini croissant during lunchtime.

• You follow him without a word to the entrance of the building and enter the lift to 38th floor. ONF member has booked a nice room that both of you can enjoy the city’s night view.

1-10 • It was a luxurious dinner but you are not in the mood enjoying it. In fact you are so stressed that you could not even taste your food. You did not touch your dessert at all. • You only quietly trace the shape of wine glass in front of you while looking at the night view, hoping the night to pass quickly. • “You are not happy with me being your date, Y/N?” he suddenly asks. • You jolted and you finally look at him in the eye for the first time tonight. • “You startled me, I am still trying to grasp the situation here.” You reply him with a low voice, trying to act calm by casually bring your drink closer to you and hydrates your throat. • “Hey Y/N-ah, I know you mentioned before that you don’t like the idea of dating someone from the office, but…” his eyes are fixed on you. “I like you. Not just the virtual you, but also the real you.” • “I called you a jerk.” You know you should not bring it up, but you still did. • “Which I did act like one so, no hard feelings.” He accepted. “I am truly sorry about that, I was trying to prove myself way too hard.” • Now it got awkward since he apologized without any complaints. You don’t know what to say and avert your gaze again. • “You know, Y/N ah, when you are stressed, you tend to avoid other people’s eye contact. “he breaks the silence.  “And you are doing that ever since you reached here.” • Upon hearing his words, you flinched and exchange eye contact with the young man sitting in front of you. • “And oh, and you flinch as well.” He adds, “Which is very adorable in my opinion.” • “(ONF member’s name), I …” you try to explain yourself but he cuts you off. • “It alright, you don’t have to push yourself, I have made you stressed out way too much today.” ONF member smiles at you while saying based on what he observed. • He finally stands up and offers to send you home. You could not decline him because you felt terribly sorry for ruining such as nice date. • “I am sorry, should it is another girl, it will be a terrific night for you.” You apologized before leaving his car. • “Don’t worry; it is an unforgettable night for me.” He responds with his usual smile. • Back at your place, you are frustrated that the night ended up in an awkward and weird way. You only noticed that you did not get to hand him the chocolate treats as promised. • You cannot sleep that night, gazing at the chocolate treats as you holding the package in your hands. You cannot tell if you messed up or you are lucky that he happened to like you. • You wanted to consult a random mutual of yours but you hesitated. Because at this point you are not sure if you actually have the full grasp on the situation. And you don’t want a biased reply. • “It’s just this boyfriend of yours happened to be him, I guess?” you murmur to yourself. But that did not clear up your mind enough for you to make any decision towards the situation. • Several days passed, ONF member did not send any message to you in the chat app. He acted like usual back in office, but it does not look like he has any intention to talk about what happen between you two either. • (The problem is you cannot look at him in the eye) • You are troubled if you should initiate the first move. It’s not like you hate him, you never did in the first place, it’s just he annoys you sometimes. • Then you overheard ONF member having small talk with colleagues, and they ask about his Valentine’s Day. He only replies it was an unforgettable night and he is glad that he is able to meet his girlfriend, it was better than never meeting her at all.

1-11 • From his words, you gain a bit of courage and decided to make your first move. • The next day you arrived at the office earlier than usual, you take out something from you bag and places small gift box on ONF member’s desk. The small box has a memo attached to it. • You hurried back to your desk, acted as if nothing happened while the office starts have more and more colleagues coming in. ONF member arrives later on and he greets you before heading in his room. • You take some quick glances, making sure ONF member notices your belated Valentine’s day gift. • He did noticed and read the memo you attached, then he made a confused look but he adjusts his facial expression immediately as he sees you stood up from your place. • You head to his office room to brief his morning schedule. Like usual, you step into his room, closes the door and starts the briefing. ONF member stares at you with a puzzled expression while sitting on his chair. • Once you done your part and you ask him if he has any schedules to add into the list, he places the gift box into your view and pushes it towards you. • “What do you mean by this?” he inquires. • “I promised you chocolate for Valentine’s day, sorry I was late.” You purposely answer him the wrong information. “ Don’t worry I made a brand new ones.” • “You know I meant this.” He pulls out the memo has his eyes fixed on you. • The memo wrote, “(ONF member’s ID), Let’s call it off --- (Your ID)” • “That’s how it is.” You tried not to break into a smile, you are getting your revenge and this is fun. “You are the one who said you are fine to call it off if either one of us found someone in real life right?” • ONF member pauses for a moment, his eyes wandering then he admits he did say that. • “Well you found someone in real life, so there is not point for us to continue virtual dating on the app anymore right?” you slightly let out a victorious smirk as you ask him. • ONF member finally gets what you mean and he let out a smile. He puts down the memo and pushes himself up from his chair and walks towards you. • Thankfully the design of his room is made up of walls, once the wooden door is closed; no one knows what happens inside. • “So, you are fine with us dating in real life then?” You can feel his breath as he is only one step away from you. This time you are not going to back away and you look at him straight in the eyes. • “I will need to adjust a bit. You have a problem with me being your girlfriend?” you reply with him with another question. • ONF member unconsciously let out another smile, he quickly hides it with his hand,  “No, not at all…” and those were the words you can hear coming out from him • “That settles it then.” You widen your grin towards him before turning around ready to leave his office. • But you are being pulled back by a pair of arms. Your back come contact to his chest area. He is hugging you from behind you. • “Seriously, I don’t get you.” He low key complains. “I thought you are going to hate me for real this time.” • “I was going to, you did not texted me and you acting like nothing happened after that night.” You pout as you explain to him. “I thought I have ended my career the moment you told me who you are. And who would have thought a decent CEO would date someone randomly they met in a online chatting app?” • “I am sorry; I thought leaving you unbothered for some time so that you don’t get stressed out.” You could tell from his tone he does feel apologetic. He never sounds like that before during work.

• "But I am dead serious on trying to start a proper relationship with you that’s why I suggested for us to meet up.” he continues. “Glad you felt the same.”

• You freed yourself from his hug and turn to him. • “Now listen, (ONF member’s name), as we are professionals, I do hope you understand that there is a clear line between work and private life.” You remind him. “Just because we are dating now, does not mean that I am going to let you off easily if you messed up during work, ok?.” • “Man, I don’t think I will ever win you huh?” ONF member only look at you affectionately and continues, “As you wish, my beloved assistant/secretary.”

A/N : the concludes for this oneshot headcanon fic should there are more ideas I might write a continuation about this pair for a part 2. Also thinking of linking the universe with MInkyun Florist AU, just a maybe. 

[alixanonymous]

How A Demon Commissions An Angel ~ A Daminette FanFic ~ Chapter 4: A Plan In Progress

From: DoWhatISay@email.com

To: Marinette.D.C.@email.com

Date: November 3, 2021 5:00 P.M.

Subject: I Accept Your Terms

Dear Ms. Dupain-Cheng,

I do not delude myself into thinking we will be able to magically solve each other’s problems but it does seem as though we both lack certain qualities the other does not. If you’re offering the chance for me to stay where I am, I would be a fool not to take it and I am not a fool. If I can also help fix your unfortunate situation, I will do so. 

Let me know where we go from here.

- Damian W.

From the phone of Marinette Dupain-Cheng:

The Ladyblog 

A Retraction Of An Earlier Article Nov 4 2021 

I’ve decided to take down an earlier article entitled “MDC Stole My Best Friend’s Designs!” following contact from the legal team of Jagged Stone. It was wrong of me to make accusations without proof and I will endeavor to provide evidence to back any claims I make on this blog in the future.

- Alya Cesaire, Creator of the Ladyblog

Chat Name: Aunt Penny

Aunt Penny: Are you sure you don’t want us to pursue any further action Marinette? That statement hardly seemed sincere and was not nearly sufficient considering all she’s claimed. We can help you know.

Me: It’s fine Aunt Penny. Anything else wouldn’t be worth the trouble. It’s not her fault anyway.

Aunt Penny: You know I don’t agree with that but okay, if you’re sure. Just remember the lawsuits have already been drafted.

Aunt Penny: By the way, Jagged’s suit was a real hit at the charity dinner. Not that we ever had a doubt. Have you been thinking about creating a new website?

Me: That’s great to hear. I’ll think about it, okay?

Aunt Penny: That’s good.

Chat Name: Alya

Alya: Girl, I know what you’re thinking but just because I had to post that statement doesn’t mean Lila’s lying. She just can’t release any proof because she wants to do the right thing and keep MDC’s identity a secret. She’s being the bigger person!

Me: She always is.

Alya: Don’t be like that! Please Marinette. Stop letting your jealousy cloud your judgement.

Chat Name: Uncle Jagged

Uncle Jagged: Pens told me that you dont want to sue i get it, lawsuits are totally not rock n’ roll but feeding that liar and her friends to fang is always an option!!!

Me: No, Uncle Jagged.

Uncle Jagged: fine…

Uncle Jagged: i got so much applause for your suit at the stuffy dinner btw.

Uncle Jagged: of course I told them all that my talented young niece made it.

Uncle Jagged: even had a billionaire’s son begging for a referral but dont worry i turned him down for you 

Me: What?! Why?!

Uncle Jagged: trust me, Mari, he was totally not rock n’ roll. not rock n’ roll at all! just rude

Chat Name: Adrien

Adrien: Hey Marinette, did you see the apology on the Ladyblog?

Me: You mean the retraction?

Adrien: Well, yes. 

Adrien: Look, Marinette, you’re not going to do anything else right? She took it down.

Me: She took it down because “she had no proof” not because she knows Lila lied. She’s still convinced even after Jagged’s legal team got involved although we both know the truth.

Adrien: I'm sorry.

Adrien: Even my father feels bad, he knows how much rumors like that could damage an artist’s reputation especially without proof.

Adrien: But he’s still convinced Lila’s someone I need to associate with and if you try to expose her again it’s going to be like every other time and I don’t want things to get worse for you.

Adrien: I’m sorry Mari.

Adrien: I just can’t help you while my father’s still on her side.

Google Search History: 

Gotham Charity Dinner 2021 Photos

Patricide but for uncles

What is it called when someone kills their uncle?

How to know if a friendship is toxic

From:Marinette.D.C.@email.com

To:DoWhatISay@email.com

Date:November 5, 2021  5:05 P.M.

Subject: The Plan

Hey Damian!

Sorry for the delay in responding. I don’t know if you saw but MDC had a bit of a problem to deal with yesterday. So here’s how I see it. Our plan has two parts: the commission for your brothers and then us trying to help each other out with our people problems.

For the commission: You already gave me the measurements which I’m trusting are up to standard since I’m not flying to America any time soon. Next I need to know exactly what you want me to make for each of your brothers: Grayson, Todd, and Drake, the measurements say are their names right? Then I need to know who you think wants a sweater and who wants a jacket and your ideas for the design. I’ll draw up some designs based on the information and send them to you for approval with an estimate of the cost. (Normally I’d also send a non-disclosure agreement beforehand too but considering how this all started I’m guessing you’re not going to give me your real name for the paperwork, are you?) After they’re approved I’ll need you to deposit half the sum in my account (Information attached) and I’ll use it to buy the materials.

If I can get all of this done in the next week or so, it should leave me about a month to finish the pieces before sending them out (An address will not be optional fyi). Sounds good??

For the other part of our plan: the way I could see it going is when one of us has a problem we could use the other person for sort of a different perspective. It’s like in those cartoons when the character has those two little people on their shoulders, do you know what I’m talking about? One’s good, the other’s bad and they’re both telling the person to do different things. Not that you’re bad I mean and not that I just assumed that of the two of us you’d be the bad one…  I’m not saying any of this right. I just mean it like I said before, I could learn a thing or time from someone who isn’t too concerned with pleasing everybody. (I didn’t mean that as an insult by the way. I actually find it kind of admirable.)

So, here’s an example of a situation I could use your opinion on: today I started to wonder if one of my friendships is no longer healthy anymore. I have this friend who is the only other person in our class that knows Lila’s lying. At first he convinced me that her lies weren’t hurting anybody and that as long as we both knew the truth then it didn’t matter what anybody else thought. Eventually, we both realized that that was no longer the case when she almost got me expelled, but by then she had convinced his father that I was a bad influence on him. So now he’s forced to play nice and keep her happy to please his father.

It’s hard because even though I know he knows she’s lying, he can’t tell anyone else so no one believes me when I try to tell them. Now she’s made good on her promise to turn everyone against me and so I have to deal with all her antics by myself while she stands by his side with the rest of the class. I know he’s in a bad position but it still doesn’t make me feel better when he texts me asking if I’m okay after  something happens while at the same time whenever we’re with other people, he keeps his distance so she doesn’t report him to his father.

I guess I’m just tired of trying to make him feel better all the time. However, whenever I think about ending our friendship, I feel guilty because it’s really not his fault. His father wouldn’t hesitate to pull him from school and then we couldn’t be friends anyway. I feel like a good friend would stick by his side. I don’t know. What do you think, Damian? 

I guess that’s just how I see this going then. I rant about whatever I’m having to deal with and you tell me if you agree with how I’m handling it and vice versa. You mention some type of incident with a classmate right? Do you want an outside opinion of that or has your family’s sufficed? Or is there anything else you could use some advice on? I guess we’re just making this up as we go. I mean I suppose there aren’t any rules about relationships that started with one person trying to blackmail the other, right? :P

Hope to hear from you soon! Love,

Marinette

P.S. If this is going to work, you can’t just ignore me when I call you out on being (for lack of a better word) snobbish, Mr. Postscript.

Hello, it’s me again. I just spent like an hour working on chapter nine so my headache’s making itself know again but I wanted to at least post a chapter today. Thank you to anyone who’s been reblogging, liking, or replying to these! It makes the unenjoyable task of reposting worth it! More chapters soon!

Master List

[northerngoshawk]

Author Self Interview

Technically, no one tagged me. But I saw @thinkingisadangerouspastime‘s self interview on my dashboard, and she opened it up to anyone who wanted to do this. So here I am!

Name: Northern_Goshawk (sometimes with, sometimes without the underscore in between), but you can call me Northern or North, whatever variant works for you!

Fandoms: MSCM* (formerly), Bakugan* (formerly), Ninjago* (state of limbo), ATLA**, PJO & HoO (in revival), TKC (lowkey), Spirit Animals (in revival), Magisterium Series, Maze Runner, Minecraft: Songs of War* (formerly), Harry Potter, there’s probably a lot more but I can’t think of them all rn.

*Fandoms I’ve written for

**My main fandom so far

Where do you post: FF.Net is my main account, but lately I’ve also been posting on AO3. I do have a Wattpad, but it’s basically dead right now. Oh, and sometimes I post drabbles here, on Tumblr. Just drabbles, though.

Most popular multi-chapter fic: In terms of having an actual plot and being structured like a book? It’d probably be The Water Trials, my still-ongoing Maze Runner AU ATLA fic; it has 12 favs & 13 follows on FF.Net and 3 kudos & 2 subscriptions on AO3. Tallying that up, it’s the most popular. But if we were to look at the term literally, as in having multiple chapters, then my drabble series Too Late takes the cake, with 27 favs & 31 follows. I guess everyone likes the angst 🤷‍♀️

Favorite story you’ve written so far: Definitely my introspective Aang-centric fic the avatar’s fear! This 13.8k oneshot is my pride and joy, what I consider my crowning achievement; I like to say that if there is any fic you want to read from me, this is the fic. I really love it because when I set out to write it, my goal was to portray Aang as this complex, three-dimensional character (and subtly address a lot of the slander that goes around the internet about him), and from the feedback I got from a lot of the comments, I succeeded!

I want to take a moment to acknowledge @thinkingisadangerouspastime (yes, I tagged you twice, but this is important!), because it was her two fics, broken pieces still belong (a Katara-centric fic that focuses on the complexity of her grief and rage) and all i know is gone (but i am not alone) (an Aang-centric fic that focuses on his grief), that served as inspiration and even a guide for me while I was writing “the avatar's fear.” In fact, I even made a reference to “all i know is gone (but i am not alone)” in it:

iii. all I know is gone, but even when I had everything, no one wanted me around… I guess it's just a feeling I need to get used to (they see me as a weapon, but they forget I'm human too)

I highly recommend those two fics to anyone who is a Katara and/or Aang stan!

Anyways, this oneshot was well worth the effort of creating, and I’m so, so happy I was able to do Aang justice!

Fic you were nervous to post: Oh, definitely dragon blood, with several reasons why:

- I spent a total of 2 days on this fic, which is... a lot less than what I usually spend for anything that’s not a drabble. So I was nervous, wondering if I was rushing it, going back and editing it over and over and over again.

- It’s from Suki’s POV. Now, because we don’t see much of Suki in the actual series itself, I didn’t know if I managed to nail down her voice all that well. I was also worried that it focused too much on Aang, so I added in edits that intermingled Suki’s experiences in the war with the present.

I might’ve also been nervous in posting The Water Trials, since it’s a Maze Runner Future Dystopian AU ATLA fic, and I wasn’t sure how many people would actually enjoy something like this. But a surprisingly decent amount of people seem to like it, or even just the concept of it, so I’m happy about that.

How do you choose your titles: Most of the time, I like to look at the main “point” of the fic, the main topic/theme, and make up a title based off of that, but sometimes I make up the title based on the recurring motif in the fic.

Do you outline: Boy, do I! There are rare cases in which I don’t; “dragon blood” is one such rarity*. Otherwise, most of my fics have either a detailed outline or general idea blurb on what to include, how to structure it, etc. For multi-chapter fics, I tend to do a chapter-by-chapter outline, in which I figure out what I want to happen in each chapter (with ideas thrown under the chapters I want to include them in).

*The first draft had an idea blurb on how it would be structured, but it was scrapped entirely, and the final version was written without an outline.

Complete: It would be easier to list the fics I haven’t completed yet: The Water Trials and “Too Late.” I’m not counting my discontinued fics from MCSM and Bakugan (I was going through a weird phase) since I’m no longer in those fandoms.

Do you accept prompts: Sure. In fact, my entire Kataang: Kiss 22 (20) series is based upon @lanjunlazy’s Kiss 22 prompt artwork series (minus the ones that are NSFW); check out her artwork, btw. However, I will have to say that there are certain prompts I will not do if they don’t align with my own belief set, being a Christian. Don’t let that stop you from talking to me, though! Even if we might disagree, I want you to know that you are always welcome on my blog :)

Upcoming story you’re most excited to write about: The rest of The Avatar Experiment series, the series that The Water Trials is in! I can’t wait to share it with the rest of you guys.

And maaayyybe that Deathless One AU I was talking about 👀

Stories you’re most excited to read: The rest of Ogro’s/Baithin’s Distorted Reality! It’s such an awesome ATLA Role Swap AU because instead of the swapped characters being carbon copies of their canon counterparts, they still retain their own personality as in canon, and every character has their backstory or role reinvented so that the story is fresh while also being familiar!

Also any character death fics and/or introspective Aang-centric fics (recs? anyone?).

Tagging: @flameohotwife @shameaboutthedilettantism uhhhh I really, really don’t know that many fic writers. If you see this on your dashboard, then consider it as me tagging you to do this!

[thoseindarkness]

DtD News Nov 2020

Thank you to anyone who came back for this nonsense. For brevity I have an announcement that I want to make up front. I didn't have room for it last month so I pushed it back, but I can't anymore. I had to make one major revision to the published story. I want people to know about it.

This is the TLDR version. I tell a more in-depth story at the end.

ANNOUNCEMENT

The summary: I had a bad outline walking into writing Mistrust Goes Both Ways. I ran into a problem mid-story. Instead of stopping and taking the time I needed, I challenged myself to creatively solve my way out of my problems. I re-started with about half of what I'd written, published Mistrust Goes Both Ways, and restarting my outline with high hopes.  I was proud of myself for rising to the challenge.

Despite my best efforts, it didn't work out. In the end, I had to scrap my outline. I was able to structure the end I was going for and spent the end of 2019 trying to link the first two stories to the ending I wanted. It wasn't working. Then TRoS. Then COVID. Here we are. In June, I started experimenting with scrapping Mistrust and restarting from Read Between.

Mistrust Goes Both Ways will not be part of the finished story when I'm done. I know some of you love it. I love it. I have no intention of taking it down. I might, for a short time, when I'm posting the final story. I'll let you know if that happens and it will go back up afterward. I don't have specifics as there's no point planning for it now.

For right now, nothing is changing on my AO3 account. Feel free to read and comment to your hearts content. I promise it will stay up forever to remind me that some mistakes are worth sharing with others. I learned good lessons from this mistake. It stays.

That being said I think I owe you an actual update on the progress of this story.

WHAT THE HELL I DID THIS MONTH

After my first update I needed to re-integrate with Reylo friends. Funnily enough, that pulled me into another fic. I've been working on that between following this election. Now that it's called I can get back to writing. I tried a couple of times since I voted on Oct 30th, but I knew it wasn't what I wanted to be thinking about.

Thankfully, I've also begun doing more social/political essays lately. I'm not sure what overall form or shape those may take and I haven't published any. Still, I was creative and I did plenty of writing. Interestingly, all this political focus is good for Deceive the Deceiver. Spinning and listening to conspiracy theories is a big part of weaving a world like this one. A great deal comes from my thoughts and perceptions of the real world.

WHERE DTD IS

As of right now I am in the process of first drafting the entire story with Read Between as the starting point. That is, every one of the short stories in the series. What I'm doing is somewhere between a history, an outline and random scene writing. All of these elements are currently strung together in one long, continuous, chronological, first draft. It's everything from the history before Read Between (which starts in the 1930's), all the way to the final scene of DtD.

I'm taking all the good ideas I've created in the last couple of years and re-organizing them into a first pass. It's the skeleton and some of the meat now. I'm slowly building out now that I have a blank-er slate. It's about choosing what works and what doesn't.

I call it accordion writing. It just gets bigger and bigger. This outline will later level up into the first full story drafts for each part. I've got so much history when I finish this I might… I'm getting ahead of myself. Don't want to give too many clues away.

Another interesting thing that's happened recently is I've started pulling bits of other fic ideas that I’m just not gonna finish. A big chuck of the history I stole from a modern/academia AU where Ben and Rey are history students specializing in the ancient Jedi religion. Another was a complication between characters came from a canon story where I wanted to paint the relationship with a new layer. We'll see if I can pull that off.

I spent a lot of time prior to this year focusing on the heroes but my villains hadn't gotten much love. Filling in the history has given me a chance to flesh out the villains. All their moves and countermoves, woven through the bits I already have, are spinning a pretty tapestry. Oh, the villains are so much fun to write!

This other fic came together in the same sort of accordion fashion and it's been fun working through the kinks in the process now that I've seen some of the weak points on a scale like DtD. I think I've mentioned, but this is a writing experiment for me and I'm most invested now in improving my process and clue-threading with DtD. This other fic is helping me test it on a smaller scale.

Not that this needs to get any longer, I'm just going to throw pretense out the window and go with complete vanity. If you don't give a wet shit about my life (and I don't blame you) you have reached the end of your journey. I hope to see you next month. If not, then I leave you with this parting:

May we meet again in our next fandom, through mutes and not as rival shippers.

The following is the ridiculous story of my ups and downs with Deceive the Deceiver. I figure if I explain to you how much I'm invested in this story some of you will stop worrying that I'm going to abandon it. Trust me. I'm not.

This tale stretches from NANOWRIMO 2018 and the prompt that started it, through the ups and downs of 2019 and 2020, to the writing of last month's letter. Buckle up. I love bumpy rides.

DtD: from NANO '17 to COVID-19

This story truly starts in December 2017 when I drenched the seat beneath me during Last Jedi. I'm a TLJ shipper. I got caught on the thirst train. It hit a time when writing was becoming a really big part of my life. I've been writing since I was a kid. I stopped for a while and came back to it. It's a long story. Ultimately, I'd started writing a lot a few years earlier. A mix of fic and originals but I was running into problems so I start reading a bunch of books to get better. TLJ lit the fires. NO joke TLJ came out on the 15th. I have pages of writing from the 20th.

2018 was Reylo year! I was already on Tumblr for my previous fandom (Batman comics). I found Reylo AU week which is in August. I submitted a story for that. It was the first fic I published for Reylo. Fast-forward August to November. I'm in the Writing Den on Discord and someone throws out this spy prompt. People start running with. Throwing ideas around. One of those was the snuggie in Mistrust! I have that conversation saved and story spots for each crazy thing they threw out. Finally, I said I'd do it!

Mind you, this is November 2nd. Nano has just started and the event is about "turning off your internal editor." This prompt consumed me. I was trying to keep up with SpaceWaffleHouseTM that first year. I did, btw. We both crested 100,000. It was my first Nano. Word count is not my problem. Organizing my crazy ambitious ideas is my problem. Some of that 100k was other stories, like Custard which I wrote half of in November and the other half Jan/Feb 2019. Most of it… probably 80k of it… was DtD.

Read Between the Lies is currently 33,710. I wrote at least 20k of that during that first Nano, as well as outlines and scenes for what I thought would be the starting point. I remember wanting to write Read Between to "get into their headspace" by writing their first meeting. I didn't think it would become a whole story. I was just going with it then. Any idea that came to mind.

I took December 2019 off for a few reasons. Some personal. Some burnout. I'm one of those people that can use writing to relieve stress, but I was so exhausted from that month-long writing sprint. By the last week I was dragging to get the final four or five thousand words to hit 100k.

Also, what I had by the end (no internal editor) was a bird nest of ideas that had too many beginnings, not enough middles, and endings to go around. I knew one thing right away: I knew I had more than one story. There were so many fun ideas. I figured, what the hell. I knew another thing right away: the prompt was at the end of the story. Like, the very end. Like, the last short story. Or the second to last short story, at the earliest. That hasn't changed. Ever. That's just where it ended up.

Between January and April of 2019 I touched DtD a few times. I kept coming back to it, reading through it, trying to untangle it. I made new notes on the stories. Expanded ideas. Tried to structure it. I figured out a bunch of good notes, but no real substance. The hardest thing was figuring out where to start! Did I:

(1) Start shortly before the prompt with Ben/Rey's relationship established and fill the story with the history?

(2) Start a lot earlier and build Ben/Rey's relationship from the beginning I'd written in Read Between?

If I'm being honest, Read Between was a lot better than I thought it would be and I didn't want to get rid of it. For a while I was thinking of publishing it last as a "prequel" if people liked the series.

Funny enough, the turning point happened May fourth weekend 2019…

In the week leading up, I was struggling through another story and decided to take a break for the weekend. I'd start writing again on Sunday when I met with my writing group. I met them through Nano. We used to meet at Panera. Now they meet on Discord. They mostly sprint though and I'm not a sprinter. I miss Panera. Anyway.

May 4th was a Sunday (look it up). I gave myself a writing break for the weekend and marathoned Star fucking Wars. It was nerd weekend. I was going to nerd out. I wore exclusively SW gear all weekend. I remember it well. It was the start of something fucking magical in my life.

Have I mentioned recently I really love this story. Trust me I will fucking finish it. Oh my god the demons won't leave until I do. Get them out of my head…

I had a pretty rockstar weekend. I believe the reason I skipped the PT that weekend was because I'd watched it the month before or so. Right after finishing the Clone Wars animated series (which is awesome and I strongly recommend both it and Rebels). I skipped them and SOLO.

Starting with R1, I went through in chronological order. I stopped at RotJ. I was with my family on Saturday and they were playing RotJ in the living room during the party. We talked about my marathon. My mom came over to my apartment after. We watched RoTJ properly. Then Force Awakens. It was too late by then to watch TLJ. I know I went straight to bed after my mom left on Saturday night.

Somewhere during or right after TFA I started thinking about Deceive the Deceiver. I don't remember what sparked it. I went to bed thinking about DtD. I know this with 100% certainty because I woke up thinking about again on Sunday and I thought it was quite odd.

I dream about this story in a way I have only dreamt about a precious few. Technicolor folks. It keeps me up at night.

I went to my writing group with (a) no plan for what to write, (b) a gordian knot that I had yet to untangle, (c) a sudden urge to re-read it. I opened my notes and read DtD through all our sprints. I read most of it during that writing session. We go about three hours.

That night I had Game of Thrones at my parent's. It was the (spoiler alert) episode where Arya kills the Night King. I remember because two minutes into the episode my brother's car broken down a few blocks from our apartment and we had to go help him. Derailed the whole night (this is foreshadowing).

Side note: I live with my younger brother and he's the best roommate I've ever had in my 35 years of life. Love you, Mo!

The episode was recording so we ran out. Had to leave the car in a parking lot. Someone had already helped him push it out of a puddle but my brother was soaked to mid-calf and the engine was shot. We dropped him off at home and I rode back to my Momma's crib to watch GoT. It was only the beginning of a wild night.

I went to bed late. I had to get up a few hours early to deal with the car before work started for either of us. I guess we were both hoping to avoid taking the day off. That wasn't going to happen. I drove home but I couldn't sleep. That crazy episode and the fact that my brain was already on fire with DtD.

I spent the wee hours finishing my re-read through the rough draft of Read Between the Lies. It saw my starting place. I started writing. I wrote through waiting in a parking lot, for the tow truck, in my car, at 6 am, with no sleep. I did a voice recording as I drove from the parking lot to the mechanic where the driver was taking my brother's car. I thought about it the whole way back. I sat on the sofa a wrote some more when we got home. I went to bed at 11 am and I'd written 10k more words for Read Between the Lies.

Somewhere between the chaos of May 5th and the official publish date on June 5th, Read Between got written. I know it didn't take too long. I remember sending it off to beta (by my amazing beta team on 1 & 2: Em, Jen, and Sai) and immediately pivoting to my outline. I slapped that together far too hastily and kept moving. I was going on holiday in the UK (I'm American and I'm ashamed) in early August so I planned on trying to publish Part 2 when I got back. At the very least I wanted it ready for beta.

Also some to admit, around the middle of 2019 I was fatigued with the fandom. We were hitting a lull. I was psyching myself up for the end and the exit. I was trying to clean house. I wanted to push out unfinished fics. To make them work. There was a lot of that mood from me in 2019. I was trying to make everything work. It's why Read Between came out, and that was a good thing. It's also why Mistrust came out, and that was a bad thing.

With that mentality looming, tough outline in hand, I started writing Mistrust before the end of May. I hit my snag sometime during the period I was publishing Read Between because by the time it was all done I knew I wasn't going to have a finished story by the time I left for London. I would figure it out when I got back. I picked up another project to distracted me from my problems for a little while. That is going to be an original if it's anything. One day…

At some point after I got back I started focusing heavily on problem solving. I had two stories already and a number of plot threads I had to resolve. I have heavy, heavy, heavy notes from September to December of 2019. Lots of possible ways to run this story. It sucks that a lot of that stuff isn't going to make it, but I'm recycling shit every day and I learned so much about the characters/story in that four month period. It really shaped the finished product in an important way.

This period is where I started to look at the bigger structure and how I was going to solve specific plot problems in each short story to bring the whole together. That focus on the different parts is important because it was the last thing on my mind when TRoS happened.

December 20th (the release date) is my birthday. My ass drove up to one of those Reylo-only screenings and I was surrounded by amazing people as I watched a movie that ruined my 35th birthday. Thankfully, I spent it in incomparable company. Thank you to all the hosts and super special thanks to Jen. Not only was she a DtD beta on both, she invited me. Thank you love! You are the reason I still remember that trip with joy.

Side note: I no longer hate TRoS. I've made my peace with it. I'm a far happier person now.

Needless to say, the only Reyloing I did in January of this year was venting frustration. Then I took a few weeks away from the fandom. I'd done my purging into the void. I knew other people still needed the space to vent but I had to get away. Once the toxin is out I couldn't let it back in.

What occurred starting in February of 2020 was a series of situations in which, every time I logged into Twitter I was faced with the kind of vitriol in the fandom that I don't need in my life. Some of it was still TRoS stuff, even as late as May. I'm not judging, I'm just saying, with the world on fire (literally), I didn't need it.

I don't think I have to explain why I've avoided social media like the plague since early this year. I live in America. If you heard anything about our recent President I don't have to explain any further what this year has been like. That has been par for course all over the world.

So here's my secret to happiness. I don't fux with the trolls. Do not engage. Sometimes that means radio silence. I'm breaking that silence because I want you to know 2020 has not destroyed DtD. It's only leveled shit up.

I have pretty much been working on this story consistently since March of this year. I go back and forth with reading, history, documentaries. I'm learning to wield many new weapons. They take time to settle in. DtD is the de-stressor I go to in between the real shit.

Sometime in June I was screwing around with the order of the parts. I had worked out the end but I was trying to bridge the gap between the ending I was certain I needed to get to and the two beginning stories I'd already published. I couldn't bridge the gap. It had been a year since I published Read Between and it wasn't working. Then I had an epiphany.

What if I got rid of Mistrust? Read Between is a pretty blank slate. I didn't want to re-write it and I still don't. I have no intention of getting rid of Part 1. I may clean it up and add some stuff at the very last minute, but it will be right before the new stuff drops as a pre-cursor to the flood of subsequent stories. I may add a few new clues or alter a scene or two, but I have plenty of room to move with it exactly the way it is.

What does that mean for Mistrust Goes Both Ways? To make a long story short, there was no good way for me to continue with what I'd published and still write the story in my head. I'm sure there are cool places to take the existing story, but that's not what I'm trying to do. In truth, I should have left 1 and not published 2 when I hit a snag. Lesson learned.

In June I basically threw Mistrust out and asked myself, "Now what?" I have months of great ideas rife for reshuffling and no restrictions on how to bridge the gap from 1 to the ending I wanted. But the end had shifted.

That brings us up to speed. The last thing I did before taking a much needed break was get through 90% of the history in my accordion outline/draft. I poured the foundation that was missing. I walked away in early October and let it set. I'm going to button up this other fic I'm working on and then go back to DtD and check the foundation I laid.

I'm very confident that not only will it hold, but that with fresh eyes and the fun side stories I've had the chance to lay to rest, I will finally be able to start building the finished products on top of it.

IN CONCLUSION

I'm still as excited as I've ever been for this story. It frustrates me all the time, but that means the medicine for my soul is working its magic. Change it painful, but pain is transformative. I've embrace changed. That ache is just a sign the muscles are getting stronger. Growing pains. As I learn to live with them in my family, my country, and my job, I find that life's lesson's often end up reflecting in every place in our life if we but open our eyes to look.

Growing pains exist in my writing process too. They are as transformative in this corner of my life as they are in every other. They have revealed as much about me as a person in my writing as they have in my politics. They have taught me how to compromise with my family as I learn to compromise with my characters. As I consider how people treat each other I am reminded that struggles in understanding our fictional counterparts may shine a light on our struggles to understand our truer selves.

Take care of yourselves. Once you've got that covered, if you can, take care of each other. Feel free to poke me and say hi. If not, until next month.

Fari.

[espejonight28738]

15×10 meta "I don't know what is god and what's not..."

But maybe now we do. Kind of, anyway.

Warning: Destiel and Saileen positive. And somehow this ended up with a lot of Charlie, not that I think anyone will complain about that.

I've been thinking about this since Thursday. Like, one one hand, Dean's "The blood, the sweat, the tears, man. That's us." Was beautiful, specially if we take into account that a few episodes ago he still was all "I don't know what is God and what's not, and it's driving me crazy."

So I rewatched the entire season (that's why only now I have this) and now I will say what is God and what's not.

(I mean, kind of, I think we will never know the true extent of Chuck's manipulation to avoid even more plot holes XD)

So, first:

Mayor plots we know (or I think) were Chuck's:

 The first Apocalypse (Duh)

• Leviathans (I say this bc in one of Chuck's memories, Benny was in the bunker with Dean. Benny means Purgatory, and Purgatory means Leviathans. If the Leviathan are a constant, they probably are part of Chuck's plan.)

• The Mark of Cain (We've seen it like a million times, clearly that's a plot he likes)

• Probably the MoL because it was so bad

The ones we don't know:

• Amara (Like, I do think he didn't expect they would break the curse)

• Jack (I mean, he probably was the culprit Jack died after Micheal took his grace, and that's the reason he ended up soulless. But his actual birth? Idk)

• (Btw I say Chuck's the culprit because I don't understand why Cas would just become human when Metatron took his grace in s8, specially considering que was 100% angel, and he didn't even had a “soulless” problem... I don't know what happened there tbh, he should be kinda soulless? Or whatever. My point is that if an angel 100% can survive having his grace taken, I don't see why a Nephilim (50/50%) would die.)

• Probably AU!Micheal was not part of the plan, because he straight up told them they were just failed drafts. Besides, it was a direct consequence of Jack's birth, and I don't think Jack was part of the plan.

I was about to publish this, but now I have another one. How much of what happens in Heaven is Chuck? Like, we know he doesn't really care for the angels (Ask AU!Micheal), and the main characters are just Dean and Sam. But in this universe, because of Cas, both brothers have been closely related to whatever happens in Heaven. Does that mean Chuck has to intervene there so they don't ruin the story? Probably yes. Honestly I'm dying to know what happened in Heaven with Cas during 15×10 I NEED ANSWERS ABOUT THE ANGELS.

Things that Chuck can't do:

• Like, make someone do anything they don't want in a "mind control" kind of way. He can physically do people do things, like Eileen hurting Sam, but he can't control their mind. If he could, Dean would have killed Jack and nothing of this would be happening in the first place. Individual choices and actions are out of his control.

• He doesn't have power over the Empty, and doesn't know what's happening there. (That means there's no true omniciense)

• (The last point raises the question of how did he brought Cas back so many times. Or Lilith. I'll chose to believe those are continuity mistakes and not that, idk, this Cas is an exact copy of the original Cas and even him doesn't know he's a copy or smth.)

Things that we can deduce are, to certain degree, Chuck's fault.

• Cas constant unjustified absences (This we can assume for 1: "No one even mentions Cas" from Becky about Chuck's writing, and 2: In all the AU we saw as Chuck memories, Cas is never there. Not even mentioned.)

• [Related to the previous point, I think that considering that Cas was in none of Chuck's memories, we must take the fact that he was in almost all the PossibleFuture!scenes (first he was there, then in the car he is mentioned by Sam and Dean, the we had the "Ever since the Mark made Cas go crazy? Ever since I had to bury him in a Ma'lak box?" moment, the next one we can see Dean moving his mouth before getting interrupted by Sam. Considering it was placed next to the prayer scene, we can deduce Dean was praying to Cas. That give us Cas in 4/6 Future moments.) as a sign that this Cas is different to the one in other universes. Maybe our theory that our Cas will be the key to Free Will, as he is special in some way in this universe in a way he isn't in others, will come true.]

• [Although then we need to ask why did Chuck let him live, if he interferes with the narrative]

• Soulless!Jack and Mary's death [Explained before]

• Actually, is possible that most deaths are Chuck's plot.

But in the more particular events, where is Chuck?

In this episode, we got confirmation that the popular headcanon of Charlie making the boys fake credit cards is canon. This ability to have money all the time is important for them not to waste time doing things that 'doesn't help move the plot along' as Garth said.

That could mean that one of the intentions behind Charlie's introduction was exactly that, solve a problem.

And if you think more, Charlie was introduced in a perfect moment and being the perfect character for the job.

Like, we met her when Cas was still crazy, and Dean hadn't really forgiven him, so he kinda was out of a best friend. Enters Charlie, a badass, geeky, nerdy and really cheerful girl. Literally, perfect bff material for Dean. And to make it even better, she was a lesbian, so that automatically cancels any possible sexual/romantic tension that Dean compulsively had with pretty much any female character back then. 

[And if I'm right about Chuck not planning Amara's freedom, then Charlie's individual acts of 1: Getting the Book of the Damned and 2: Decodifying it were probably the reason Chuck decided it was her time. Besides, her death pushed Dean to the edge with the Mark.]

All that convenience makes me believe that the people they know do are part of a pre-made plot, but only the meeting. They are only put on the Winchester's way. If we can take something from last episode is that even without their abilities and plot armor, they still have their friends. The relationships they've built are their strength, they are something almost sacred that Chuck can't touch. (As I said, he can't control minds, nor can he control feelings.)

Would you look at that, it looks like Castiel "And maybe Chuck designed the obstacles, but we ran our own race. We made our own move" Winchester (My soul won't rest until someone recognize Cas in the show as a Winchester) was right all along. Shocked. 

So, once again, we have everything telling us the most important thing the brothers have is the other people that they love. That is theirs, that is real.

And I also think is important they got that lesson without Eileen and Cas. Because those are the people they love the most (besides each other), yes, but they also are the ones that Chuck have used against them.

Dean's history with Cas has been part of the story, so it was logical that in the middle of his existential crisis, he doubted of their relationship.

And now Sam has confirmation that it's thanks to Chuck that Eileen is back.

Both relationships could feel a little tainted.

With them, it would be more difficult to put aside their doubts. But with good old Garth? He wasn't even in the Possible Future. He's as much as a comfort character as you can get for Dean and Sam. Looking at him all happy and domestic, and yet being by their side when they can't do anything be themselves is exactly what they needed to move their friends and family to the "Non-Chuck tricks" list. 

And a little note:

I don't think they just lost their "plot armor", I think Chuck purposely made them average humans. But without Chuck, they wouldn't be average. Dean's been trained to be a soldier since he was 4 years, and maybe Sam had a little bit more of a childhood thanks to Dean, but still he was trained since he was a kid.

And you tell me they can't pick a lock without Chuck's powers? That Sam just runs against everything and falls? Those are things any of us would do, not someone who has been training 30 years more or less.

So no, I do not think they would (will?) be like this when they beat Chuck. Yes, maybe they will be intolerant to lactose, and have cavities and that stuff, but they are still trained, that doesn't just go away.

[BTW I realize half this meta was in parenthesis. Sorry about that.]

Tagging: @metafest @verobatto-angelxhunter @agusvedder @legendary-destiel @that-one-fandom-chick @studio-hatter  

[kingofthewilderwest]

What do you do most of the time when you’re not on tumblr?

Thanks for asking to get to know me!!! I do MANY things! :D 

Let’s get the “boring” thing out of the way: work! Occupationally, I work remotely as a theoretical linguistics contractor. Basically, that means I do freelance language analysis work for other companies. I sit at home in my pajamas at 2 AM listening to folk metal while doing boring repetitive language tasks for money. XD Usually, it involves me pouring through large databases of sentences and annotating pertinent information on top of the sentences, coding it according to the information another development team wants. What I input is what another team uses to improve an AI’s ability to understand English. For instance, maybe I’m going through a large corpus of sentences marking what the verb is, and how noun phrases relate to the verb (as the direct object, subject, etc.) My work helps accomplish a variety of practical uses. The reason why your search results are relevant on a website? The reason why virtual assistants like Siri are able to answer a question you ask it? That’s the stuff I work on, although I do the non-technical, non-programmy side of it, and am more or less just following instructions for what they want me to look for in the sentence databases they use to train their AIs.

I usually am held to non-disclosure agreements, so I can only say so much about what my work involves, but I have had the pleasure to partner with several collegiate universities, Amazon, the Mayo Clinic, Google, environmental research centers, local companies, and more over the years since I first began these gigs in 2012.

But like. Recreationally?

I LOVE DOING CREATIVE THINGS!!!!!!!

I’m usually running around doing three thousand eight hundred forty two and a half projects any given day. Music composition for indie films and video games; cosplay; fanfiction writing; original novel writing; learning new musical instruments (I own literally several dozen instruments…); drawing; Photoshop abuse; video game streaming; skiing; hiking; teaching myself new languages; collecting action figures and other rare fandom materials; getting distracted by cat videos; crying in feels over television shows; staring pointlessly at a wall for several hours; you name it! 

At the moment, I’m working on a fancy pants fanfiction novel for Camp NaNoWriMo - which I hope I’ll be posting online in the next few months. I’m creating/planning cosplays for Envy (FMAB), Catra (She-Ra), Rufus (Deponia), and Krel (3Below) to debut at a cosplay convention in May (assuming I get my act together, which I probably won’t, let’s be real). I’m playing Anthem with my sister and brother-in-law and am streaming video games most Wednesdays on my twitch account - also now available on YouTube btw. I’m learning how to use illustration markers and digital art tools, while trying to improve my ability drawing humans and backgrounds. I’m teaching myself 日本語. I’m working with several friends to translate a book from German to English so we can play a roleplay game together where I GM (none of us speak German… whoopsies). I’m going to be drawing illustrations for a children’s book my grandpa wrote. I’m drafting the outline for an original novel I hope to publish in the future. I’m arranging a music suite for some of the Huzzah songs for the Deponia video game series. I’m talking with several friends about movie or game projects we could make. I’m playing Dungeons and Dragons as a gunslinging True Neutral alien. I’m planning several fandom AUs with friends that might turn into comics, fanfictions, or getting lost in the dust because I have a notorious, terrible record for finishing anything. I’m skiing with friends in the mountains before winter season ends. I’m trying to collect several difficult-ish-to-find FMA materials from eBay. I’m trying desperately to avoid making an AMV for a ship I’ve fallen into, but it’s probably going to happen despite my best efforts (damn Deponia has my heart right now, okay???). I’m haranguing my irl best friends by being a loving assholish punster gremlin to them. I’m wasting lots of my hours screwing around with friends on discord. And, I haven’t had the time yet, but I just bought a ukulele, so I want to get around to learning that, too. Only so much time in a day though…. uhhhhh….

This doesn’t mean all my projects are good… I am not talented in all these respects… but that doesn’t mean I get any less enjoyment out of all these creative hobbies!

I SWEAR I’ve recently been trying to limit the number of projects I’m doing at any given time. I even made myself a checklist for activities that I “allow” myself to do so I don’t start three hundred more pointless hare chases. But yeah! That’s the current day-to-day activities of Haddock!

Actually… this conversation is a good lead-in to something I’ve been meaning to say on my blog for a while. 

It’s probably unsurprising that, given as I’m doing so much beyond tumblr, that I haven’t been spending an enormous amount of time answering analysis questions recently. My asks have begun stocking up over the last few months; though I have several hundred responses to answer and want to answer, the truth is that my life is prioritized elsewhere right now and I probably won’t get to things all that fast, if at all.

Tumblr has been an extraordinary experience for me and I’ll never like, leave-leave it behind. I’ve engaged a lot in tumblr because it’s provided me life, fandom, happiness, and a community I’ve attached to. It’s also given me hope: hope that my contribution to the fandom gives people happiness and meaning, too. Fiction is powerful for all of us and a way to give us inspiration and meaning. I hope that my engagement in fandom has helped other people feel happiness, inspiration, and meaning, too. Whenever I receive asks from people telling me kind things about my blog, I feel touched beyond words, because it makes me feel like my time on tumblr has been a benefit and a difference to other lives beyond my own, and there’s nothing better than that.

But I also admit: I’m ready to transition to New Things in life. My greatest goal in life is to make as meaningful of a difference as I can. I don’t want to breeze by my years doing nothing but recreation for myself: I want to do what I can to make a maximal difference in the lives of others for the better. Tumblr’s been fun and I hope I’ve made a good impact, but my deepest dreams and goals aren’t around tumblr analyses. They’re around creative writing, especially the wild dream to someday be a published author. I’m increasingly taking the steps and time to reach that goal. I’m done waiting; I’m done planning; I’m ready to charge forward and make this ambition reality, best as I can. 

That means that, anymore, tumblr is a hindrance to my life’s greatest dreams, and I can’t do both full-tumblr-activities and reach my heart’s deepest wishes.

I’m honestly feeling a lot happier now that I’ve drastically reduced my time on tumblr. I’m so sorry that it’s resulted in me not answering many asks (that really would be fun to talk about), and I hope no one feels like I’ve forgotten or snubbed them. I’d do it if I had time. But I don’t have time. The truth is that I feel my life shifting to new directions, and I want to take that. Otherwise, I’ll live in a stagnant world in which I go nowhere… and I can’t have that. I can’t. I want to fly.

So I’m going to be continuing to march through with these other life projects. With the creative writing especially. I hope I can post some of this writing to you guys on tumblr, too! It means I’ll be spending less and less time on tumblr, doing analyses not-anywhere-as-often-as-I-used-to (I don’t know if I’ll ever answer everyone’s asks again, sorry!). Leave tumblr? No. I’ll still be here. But… my shift in time… it’s all in the dream to make meaning out of my life.

Thank you so much for asking again! I hope you’re having a great day, have some fun activities of your own, and are staying awesome!

[nikatyler]

I have three weeks to learn everything for my last exams. Am I dying already? Well, no, but actually, yes. I kinda wish we had less time because this way, I’m going to waste so much of it procrastinating.

But maybe now that I’ve told you, I’ll decide to not procrastinate so that you can be proud of me or something. Maybe I’ll show that I am in fact capable of character development. Idk.

Yeah, I’m losing my mind. Just a little bit.

By the way, anyone else feels dead inside after watching the new Game of Thrones episode? You know, in the first part, I literally forgot what I was watching because everyone was so happy and celebrating and all that and then I got a reminder. This show is going to be the death of me.

desira-sims replied to your photo “Before we get to the replies, I want to quickly address something. I’m...”

I feel ya on social media. I recently got rid of a mobile game and the associated fb pages I was in. I’m no longer constantly checking my phone for it. It’s been nice taking a break from that. Focus on school, since that’s the most important thing. Come find us when you need a breather. ��

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photo “Before we get to the replies, I want to quickly address something. I’m...”

Yes, social media are basically time-eaters who steal the time which could be spend on writing or simming. Recently I've unsubscribed from several Instagram pages dedicated to memes as they my flooded dash and I spent too much time on them. Last two days I've played TS3 world adventures on my laptop without internet connection and it was great

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photo “Before we get to the replies, I want to quickly address something. I’m...”

And I barely paid attention to tumblr as well recently... Well the weather is so great that it would be a crime to spend time onlineXD

Ooh boy, if I was able to get rid of all the memes pages I follow, I’d have so much free time on my hands. But also, I mean...memes.

As for social media, I wish I could deactivate my Facebook account. I really wish. But sadly, all the people I know irl are there. I have to stay there to keep in touch with them. We still share a lot of school stuff there, I’d be lost without it. But those are the only reasons I’m there, I never post on it anymore. I actually deleted most of my photos and old status updates and unfollowed most pages.

I’m going to repeat myself here but I’m so glad I got rid of Twitter. I loved it there, but at the same time, it fueled my negativity. Even when I found and muted or straight up unfollowed the biggest sources of it, I wasn’t happy. So I just stepped into the daylight and let it go and it was the best decision I could make. Even though now tumblr will probably have to deal with my random thoughts. I need to find a special tag for that. Not just “nonsims” or “saviorhide”. Maybe “simmeronnie is losing it again”.

whysimstho replied to your photoset “Isla Paradiso didn’t disappoint at all. It was everything I’ve ever...”

Skyporn 24/7 sounds like a radio station

Lmao you’re not wrong. Or it could be something like a stream where they only record videos of really really gorgeous sky. I’d watch that. Seriously, shut up and take my money. I could stare at pretty sky all day.

desira-sims replied to your post “List 5 facts about a favorite sim of yours, and send this to 10...”

I recently went back and started this legacy. (Just got to the Gen 5 switch). I think Rachel is absolutely adorable.

Ahh, no way! I hope you’re having fun even though it’s a total mess :D I have to agree though, I love Rachel, she’s awesome.

Watch out, tiny gen 4 rant coming. When I have nothing else to do and I feel inspired, I rewrite gen 4 because I love these characters and they deserve a way better story. I consider the stories they got in the legacy the first drafts/starting point/base or something like that. So in some way, most of this stays in the “new canon”, it’s just thought through better or changed a little bit.

Okay, that wasn’t really a rant but seriously, stop me whenever I seem like I’m about to start rambling about gen 4.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your post “List 5 facts about a favorite sim of yours, and send this to 10...”

Number 4 - high five, Zoey, same with me!XD

5 actually, too

Ah, yes, same. Number 4...oh god. Been there, sort of. Just because I’m crushing on a person doesn’t mean I imagine being with them in bed all the freaking time. *looks at a friend who loves to imply that...when I’m actually a small innocent child who only knows woohoo from the sims and I’m not ashamed to admit it*

whysimstho replied to your photoset “Regan: “Court! Finally! How was the flight?” Courtney: “Not bad. I...”

Why is her face so funny to me ��

Well, it is kinda funny :D

philodendronandfoxes replied to your post “So you’ve made posts in the past about how you’re lonely or feel alone...”

Anon needs to chill.

desira-sims replied to your post “So you’ve made posts in the past about how you’re lonely or feel alone...”

Don't let them get to you. Something I have learned as I've grown older: Hobbies come and go. One minute you'll find enjoyment in something and the next it doesn't hold the same appeal. Some times you'll come back to that hobby and some times you never pick it up again. Taking a break is something everyone needs. They even tell new parents to take a little "me time" so that they don't get overwhelmed. Taking a moment to collect yourself is understandable.

108sims replied to your post “So you’ve made posts in the past about how you’re lonely or feel alone...”

Taking breaks from tumblr is good for your sanity. I had to last month for the sake of my mental health I got stressed out falling behind here and dealing with job stuff. Just like for you with school, job takes priority over my blog. I’ve taken so many breaks, honestly it’s fun to enjoy other hobbies and do other things.

dandylion240 replied to your post “So you’ve made posts in the past about how you’re lonely or feel alone...”

RL should always take priority. Taking breaks and doing other things is healthy and good. Don't let this anon get to you or make you feel guilty.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your post “So you’ve made posts in the past about how you’re lonely or feel alone...”

Anon is strange - as if tumblr was the only life you've got and you have to stay here whenever you like it or not. Why read between the lines and find unexisting stuff there like you don't care about your followers? It comes without saying that a person needs breaks from the tumblr every now and then

But who knows probably the anon wanted only to provoke you to start our "favorite" drama. In this case they do need to find a life for themselves

Btw too - feeling lonely on tumblr also can be a reason for a hiatus, so anon makes no sense

So I kinda didn’t want to address this anymore because I feel like I’ve said everything in my lengthy answer to that ask but I just wanna say thank you for writing all of this. I didn’t feel bad when I got this, the anon didn’t change my opinion, I still believe everyone has the right to take a break, leave tumblr behind for a bit and not feel sorry about it. Take that me time and come back better than ever (or not if you don’t feel like, that’s fine too)! I was still worried about posting this answer though. So thank you for letting me know I’m not the only one who feels this way!

dandylion240 replied to your post “April 30, 2019: Dear Diary, I believe I’m a good person. You know, I...”

Congratulations and have fun with the last day! It'll be bittersweet knowing this may be the last time you'll all be together but it's exciting too because it marks a beginning of something new. So happy for you!

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your post “April 30, 2019: Dear Diary, I believe I’m a good person. You know, I...”

Congratulations and welcome to the "adult" life! Let this day be one of the brightest moments in your memory!

Now I'm feeling nostalgic, I'll go and look through my graduation album

108sims replied to your post “April 30, 2019: Dear Diary, I believe I’m a good person. You know, I...”

That sounds like a really fun way to spend your last day! At my school at least we had a Senior day where there were a bunch of games and activities. Good luck on your exams, and I hope you enjoy your last day and everything that is to come!

It was very fun and everyone looked so good in their costumes! One of my classmates wore this 20s-like dress and oooh boy. She was gorgeous. Just...leaving on that day was really bittersweet. Part of me was like “yas, we’re done with this place!” but the other part of me already missed it. And yeah, our teacher didn’t forget to remind us that all of us might never meet again. There are reunions, it’s a tradition, but there’s always someone who can’t come.

Okay, moving on or else I’ll start crying, and I’ve already cried a lot today. Looking at you, GoT episode 4.

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset “Regan: “You made it! Nice. I’ve heard you almost threw up on the...”

i'm laughing at the two couples in the background, both flirting during this conversation

Oh god I didn’t realize how funny that looks :D I didn’t want them to just stand there haha.

dandylion240 replied to your photo “In Character Judgement Call: Caleb Protect this soft boy. RULES: You...”

I Caleb the most from gen 4

I know this is just missing a word and I shouldn’t laugh but it comes off kinda funny. Still, thank you!

dandylion240 replied to your photoset “Felix: “You look perfect. No, no, you are perfect. Some girls are...”

Despite his ability to burp at inappropriate times Felix can say the sweetest things

No sweeter words have ever been spoken about my boy

Also no truer words have ever been spoken about my boy

108sims replied to your post “I’m waiting for my exam (still have like 2 hours) and I’m bored. I...”

Good luck!

nineyellowgirl replied to your post “I’m waiting for my exam (still have like 2 hours) and I’m bored. I...”

keeping fingers crossed :D

desira-sims replied to your post “I’m waiting for my exam (still have like 2 hours) and I’m bored. I...”

Good luck on you exam!

Thank you guys! The results should come on May 15th. Wish it was that day already. I think I did well, but I won’t be calm until I actually see it.

harmoniouspixels replied to your post “One day, I’ll have a nice tiny mods folder again. Today is not that...”

The TS4 community needs to come up with a Compressorizer like TS2 and TS3 has tbh

Yeah that would be nice. TS4 needs a lot of things in general though, to be fair.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your post “Hmm...”

Hm the thing I do plan something with berries and I need a spouse for my founder which I don't want to create myself... Sooo... Yeah, I could use a sim ��

flowerhoneysims replied to your post “Hmm...”

@simmeronnie But it‘s another kind of pink ☺️

Alright guys, I have an idea. Shoot me a message and we can talk about it! I’m down for this. Here’s just a brief description of everyone I can offer (in case someone else would like a sim and would like to know what they’re signing up for), we can talk more in depth in the messages later. I have one mean pink girl who loves robots, then this one that I’ve shown (she doesn’t have too much personality yet, but she hates her other sister and loves videogames), an agender person with pink skin, white hair and white eyes (loves animals and is the total opposite of their mean twinsister - and yet they’re still best friends somehow) and one pink boy with white eyes who just aged up into a child so I have no idea what he’s going to be like yet. I just remember he got the No Sense of Humor trait.

Can I have a wish though? If I send you one of these sims, would you please share with me the sim they end up with? I would love for them to get together in my game as well.

Side note, can you already tell my bpr is going to be a bigger mess than all my other legacies combined?

lyrea replied to your photoset “Okay, clearly he didn’t ruin all the traditions. Crisis averted.”

^_^ That is an impressive cake they got.

Oh, it is! I’m not sure now, but it might be the one that came with Monte Vista?

[sasslightertm-a]

ooookay, so, some bullshit™ happened earlier this past week and I’m annoyed and pissed. incoming rant/vent under the cut (with screenshots used by permission).

As most of you who have been following me long enough probably know by now, there is a Charmed Discord server and I was in it for a while until I left in early January 2019, for reasons that will be discussed later. The main mod runs a few Charmed rp blogs here on Tumblr, we did have a few threads planned out together, and eventually after I left the Discord server it got to a point where I felt uncomfortable seeing her posts on my dash so I quietly unfollowed and deleted our thread I’d had in my drafts (which had been sitting there for months by this point anyway because I am slow af). Shortly after I unfollwed her, she unfollowed me without so much a message of “Would you be interested in continuing any threads?”.

This mod, while I was in the server, also created a venting/ranting group Google doc against another Charmed roleplayer who has been around for years and had been in the server as well but also left for much the same reasons I later did (namely, feeling unwelcome within the server). (The Google doc has since been deleted, I believe.)

Which brings me to the main point of this post. One of my close friends/mutuals noticed this mod and the roleplayer starting to interact again when both of them had unfollowed each other for months beforehand after the mod decided this roleplayer was Toxic™.

Uh-huh, sure, I find it very hard to believe you told her about the call-out Google doc and everything in it and she was perfectly understanding about it. I also have yet to hear an apology at all from this mun when 1) the most we would do is talk OOC anyway; 2) my Chris and Bilie were constantly ignored despite me showing interest in some of her wishlist ideas; and 3) any threads we did have would only get two replies in if I was lucky and were then dropped. So I unfollowed ages ago and moved on with other mutuals, and at this point it’s honestly not worth it.

And no, sorry, the server was not inactive when I left it back in early/mid January. Everyone was either in the general, headcanons, or venting channels And yes, any time anyone responded to me it was because I or my friend had said something they wanted to argue with or turn into a headcanon about their own next-generation muses. Also? For all y’all would squee over white US-American YouTuber cover artists or Korean boybands (despite none of you speaking a word of Korean), or the mod occasionally slipping into Arabic and then translating when one of us would ‘???’, the instant I try and share a cover by an amazing Turkish musical-theater singer who speaks German and does German-language musicals (said cover was in English, by the way), or the instant I would talk about something I learned in one of my German classes (despite most of my ancestry being, y’know, German [and for the record, said German ancestors came over to the States in the 1800s, so don’t even go there])... dead silence. 

1) oh my gods I’m howling. Thanks for admitting most of the people in the server hate me just because they found my fanfiction and that I like to write dark-themed fics and smut. Out of curiosity, was it one of my FF.net accounts (my main, my Charmed-fic-centric one, or my dark!AU Tenth Doctor-fic-centric one) or was it my AO3? (Also way to go for basically admitting that yup, you’re all a bunch of antis and really be drinking the evangelical fundamentalist Christian purity culture Kool-Aid.)

and btw, saying “complete transparency?” like that is just code for “I’m about to be a petty bitch and you’re not going to want to hear it, but too late.”

also, what, like none of you have ever wanted to write kinky smutty fanfic just because it’s fun and lets you work out various fantasies that may or may not be inherently transgressive? as far as I’m aware I was one of maybe two other people in that server who identify as asexual so don’t even try and say any of youse are sex-repulsed aces.

my smutfic isn’t even that kinky, but go off, I guess

tbh they also probably hate me bc I called them out over their misuse of the word “pedophilia” in regards to this one particular scene in a teen drama TV show between fictional teenage characters being portrayed by adult actors that airs on a network aiming for a 18 to 49-year-old demographic, and the mod and I would disagree over various things concerning US-American Wicca, but hey, it’s easier to just go after my fanfiction and say they hate me because of the fanfics, right?

speaking of that scene they were so up-in-arms about, don’t even try and tell me real-life allosexual teenagers are not horny and don’t have sex with other teenagers, because coming from a state with one of the highest rates of teen pregnancy (where more often than not both would-be parents are teenagers of or around the same age), I will not believe you

like, seriously, do NONE of you remember ever being horny and hormonal as a teenager, or...? 

2) Stop trying to make this an argument that needs to be won, because it isn’t. Also? By the time I left the Charmed Discord server didn’t even feel like a Charmed server anyway, so. There’s that.

3) My friend is right and she should say it.

A few things here: 

How does any of that sound accusatory when it’s true and my friend calmly laying out how she felt about the situation??

Again, stop trying to make this into an argument or personal attack because it isn’t. And not every single conversation is a debate that needs to be won.

“I was half joking”, uh-huh, yeah, riiiiight. Also? How is it any of your business how she decides to run her blog and curtail it so she feels safe on her own dash??? Especially when you don’t even follow or interact with her anymore?? Hell, I softblock people myself who are either inactive and just taking up my follower account, or are personal/fandom blogs who I just don’t want interacting with me. And if you follow me but don’t make any motion to interact, then yeah I’m probably going to softblock you too after posting a heads-up that I’ll be cleaning out my follower count.

And the best part??? Immediately after all this the mod/mun made a post on her blog saying how she doesn’t put up with passive-aggressiveness or manipulation. How the fuck is my friend/mutual being passive-aggressive or manipulative???? 

I’m sorry, but no, you do not get to do that. I see what you did there, and it is not okay. And I am glad I don’t have to deal with any of this mun’s bullshit anymore, or most of the people in the server, apparently. They blocked me solely because they found my kinky darkfic? Fine, great, it’s not like any of them ever interacted with any of my muses anyway and I don’t want to deal with them either. (But also... I made it clear on the server that I also write a dark eldritch!AU Tenth Doctor from Doctor Who and they all knew I have a sideblog for the canon evil version of Chris Halliwell so how exactly was it a surprise that I like writing fanfiction with darker themes and grey areas?)

Anyway, no, that language used on my friend was not called for at all. Neither was trying to make her out to be the aggressor when anyone who’s chatted with her OOC for long enough knows that even doing this much is hard emotionally for her. This was also not an argument that absolutely had to be won so quit trying to turn everything into an argument to make yourself look better. And ooh, boy, tone policing on top of that. That last response was classic “I know you’re right but I don’t want to admit it so I’m just gonna say something to make myself look like I came out on top.”

Nah. 

There’s the door. Make sure it hits you on the way out.

[lifeisjustanotherstory]

To All The Boys I’ve “Loved” Before

I must be one of the very few 21 year old’s with access to the internet/uses it frequently that doesn’t have their own Netflix account. Or at least uses someone else’s. I had considered subscribing to the service to see TATBILB but thought against it, for the sake of my productivity. I already have Tumblr, Youtube and Instagram to sap it. 

What I do have access to, however, is Wikipedia. So I think if this post ever managed to find its way into the hands of the guys mentioned below; just like Lara Jean, I too would faint. Or at least feel that awful sense of embarassment. 

I have used the world love so that I could add this nice pop-culture youth reference into the post. What I have felt, for most of these boys,however, is some deep feeling at a point in my relationship with them, whether that was an intense infatuation, a burst of friendship warmth , or bitter hate.

MI - you were the first person I ever talked to online. I was just this 16 year old girl with a low self-esteem, unsure about how she felt about herself and her friends and boys. And then, there was this guy, this guy who loved books. I will never forget that flutter I felt when you named one of your bookshelves on Goodreads after mine. Late NYE we exchanged New Year’s greetings and thousands of miles away, it felt to me like we shared a special moment. 

Later on, I think you eventually got bored of me. I did something I was ashamed of to grab your attention (still didn’t work). You drafted into the army but I feel like we had drifted apart before that, and we haven’t really spoken since. I have no regrets at all - because that relationship ultimately led me to another friendship, which remains to this day. I will always cherish the comfort that your messages gave me and that sweet friendship that we once had. 

CDR - I have never been in a romantic relationship but you were the only boy to have ever broken my heart. I will never forget that feeling when I realised you unfriended me; my heart seemed to skip a beat, my breath hitched in my throat and my stomach fell , all simultaneously. Do I wish you badly? Of course not. This post is not the post for that digression but what we had, had to come to an end.

By this time I was older, and more comfortable with guys i.e. I actually used to talk to them/hang out with them. Not so cloistered in my all girls school any longer. Sure, they liked me (I’d like to think I’m a good sport, and funny). But, there was never really any depth. Then we were talking and one day, out of the blue you told me that you liked talking to me because you felt that there was no one else intellectual that you could talk to at school. What you didn’t know was that you happened to address one of my insecurities; I wasn’t athletic, and I didn’t feel like I was good-looking. In that moment, I think I fell for you - you were the first guy to appreciate me for my intelligence, which is the only strength I felt I had. For 6 months of multiple daily messages to fall away was a literal shock to the system, but I understand why it had to happen. It seems childish to say it now, but you taught me that boys really can like girls for their brains.

CERJ - You taught me that some people are a magnet for hate and negativity in their lives. However much you try to be a light, if anything, YOU will be extinguished.

Oh, how I tried. How I tried to make you happier, to be that friend you claimed to desperately want. But you moaned, and dithered and suddenly the only reaction I could elicit from you was when I became hurtful myself. Only then would your anger rear its ugly head. It was almost as if...you were just consumed by the negativity and now that was all you could ever be.

I literally had to stop myself after sending an email to you because I was shocked at how toxic I felt, how toxic I had let you make me. This isn’t me, I thought. And I finally became exactly the girl you’d warned me I’d become; blocking the hell out of you, lifting a great weight off of my shoulders.

SI - I hope you’re alive but the reality is that you’ve probably ghosted me. It was so promising at first - and then you said we’d exchange letters. You gave your address (but not your zip code, which I was able to deduce thanks to Google. My secret talent - working out Israeli zip codes without speaking Hebrew). I don’t know what was wrong - did you even get my letter (which is the first I ever sent to a penpal btw) ? You taught me that sometimes people ghost - and perhaps it’s not to do with you. And that’s fine.

GJH- You will always be the first boy (ever) that has said to me: “you’re cute”. For days after I would scroll up to your message, not quite believing it. It’s different coming from a boy your age than it is coming from your mother.

When we just about to part ways, for a few minutes...I couldn’t believe it was happening. I was typing unconsciously. Why? Because I had imagined our relationship to be something it could never be, something it never was. I painted an image of you in my head and blamed you when you didn’t live up to it. Fell in love with my mind. For that, I’m sorry.

And now, saving the best till last...

Forgotten; I can’t remember your name, sorry. But what I do remember was that I was feeling down, and you called yourself my hype man (numerous times.). That you were there for me. You just made me happy. It taught me the power of a kind word, even to strangers on the internet (especially so) and it’s how I met one of my best internet friends today.

VT: I literally do.not.deserve.you. My messaging patterns are so out of whack and they do not do you justice. I wonder why you still talk to me, really.

But I love talking to you, on the occasions that I do. It makes me happy. I know that you’re one of the guys, probably the only one actually since there’s a certain freedom to online relationships, who I can rely on to provide a solution to my problems. But also be one to whom I can send a meme, or share a joke. And that’s fucking priceless.

ERO: My emails to you took HOURS to write, and I never asked you if it took just as long for you to reciprocate. It’s charming though, thinking that across an ocean and six (six?) time zones there was someone like me, hunched over their laptop, sharing their thoughts, their dreams, the mundane (because the mundane is the best) putting aside a substantial amount of time to a relative stranger, who I hope became a friend in your eyes. Like you became in mine.

When CERJ was being a dickhead and I didn’t want to admit it to myself, you told me the truth full on. I wouldn’t have had the courage to stop it without you. 

I think I would have been able to reply more quickly to your emails had we not had the habit of recommending songs to each other, but our correspondence wouldn’t have been the same without it. “Want You Back” by HAIM, “Missing You” by John Waite and “Together in Electric Dreams” were liked by you, because by then I had gauged your taste and knew you would be a fan. Those songs, whenever they come on shuffle, throw me back to those times, will forever remind me of you, and I am GLAD.

JM: You hear people say Kik and one tends to assume...but we didn’t use it for that. We were friends, plain and simple. You asked me for love advice (me, a romantic love-less noob). You and her are still together years on, and man, I’m taking a little bit of credit for that ;)

But the real nugget is that I stopped talking to you. It was me. Shit happened and I messaged you on Kik months later, but you’d deleted it. Then I remembered your name (obviously) and the college you said you’d been accepted to (thanks freaky memory). I found your email. Taking the plunge was hard. But I took it, and gingerly sent a message; “hey, do you remember me?”. And then you said, which I nearly would have forgotten were it not for writing this post; “but of course, I could never forget you.”

JM, I don’t know if you felt like you forgave me in that email reply, but it definitely felt like you did. You taught me to give people a second chance, and perhaps even a third. And I can’t thank you enough for that. 

Thanks to all of you, who have shaped me or taught me in some way or another. You’ve all impacted me and my life in some way. Thank you.