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#womancrushwednesday Laverne Cox from her amazing performance in OITNB, to covering Time magazine and to being a general hero all round, she's soon set to play her first major cisgendered role which will be an amazing achievement and such an inspiration to budding trans actors, not to mention she can dance and lip sync for her LIFE >> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E81tbaETaEk

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Damn Pepsi...

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RIP Dressing Up For A Night Out

Having been brought on a Council Estate in North London, big earrings, tracksuits and a pair of trainers were a staple.

http://scrapbookharald.tumblr.com/post/124864666293

I had also been a trainer freak ever since my sister bought me my Adidas Galaxy’s and Reebok Classics when I was around the age of eight. All the working class kids had them, regardless of race.

Cut to a couple of years later, I’d watch my sisters dole themselves up for a night out. So much eyeshadow, gloss, glitter and heels, and their male counterparts were always wearing a shirt and shoes. For survival and assurance of a good night out.

You see, back in the day an average club or bar literally wouldn’t let you in if you wore trainers. The theory was that ‘chavs’ and ‘rudeboys’ were more likely to start fight and this was their uniform. So basically white and black working class people were branded violent and unseemly in public establishments. That’s not to say these incidents didn’t happen but this assumption and rule meant that even if you weren’t violent or unseemly you had to figure a way around the system.

To dress up was to be literally accepted, by society and the proprietors of these bars/clubs. You had to assimilate to societies standard of what a ‘well-behaved, proper adult’ looked like and urban fashion or streetwear, was not it. You had to create a dressing up alter ego to ensure you could still go out with your friends and have a good time. That’s not to say there weren’t certain clubs that trainer types could go to where it wasn’t a big deal, but there was definitely a line in the sand of where you could and couldn’t go, and were not even talking about posh and expensive establishments. This was a normal indie night in Camden where my friends cousins were turned away for not looking alternative enough on her birthday, or a pretty low key bar in Angel for a ‘no-chav’ policy, and as an alternative brown girl, I sometimes felt like I was a fraud. Yeah sure I’m wearing my biker boots, silver jewellery and dark make up  but also love my trainers and way into my hip hop. Don’t get me wrong, mean chavs turning up at a metal bar to start something isn’t ideal but literally expelling an entire class of people based on footwear was a bit weird and seemed to be here to stay.

Until now.

The rise of nostalgia and re-appropriation of urban cultures had come back with a bang. Nike Air Max which was once lauded as the go to trainer for criminals had become a staple in  the white middle class ‘hipsters’ wardrobe.

And as if by magic, the notion of getting turned away from normal establishments for your footwear…disappeared.

Dressing like a 90′s chav/rudeboy/girl had become fashionable to privileged crowds and this has done away with getting dressed up for a night out, hell even dressing up for work.

Except, I kind of miss getting dressed up. Yeah sure at Uni during my b-girl phase I occasionally rocked my hi-tops and big earrings on a night out but also was all about my heels, pretty leopard print pumps and a nice outfit.

And now it feels weird to not separate my work wardrobe with my going out stuff, it feels weird to even consider an outfit, to do away with the glitter and gold.

I, the one that has worn trainers all my life, feel overdressed going out!

I’ve seen women and men dressed in full on ‘streetwear’ to work but because they are of a certain class and race, its completely acceptable! I was once told at an old job that the only trainers that were acceptable ‘were like OK ones like Converse or Vans’ and a girl I once worked with who appeared more ‘urban’ than the rest was told to smarten up her look when we had an event to go to as they didn’t trust she knew how to present herself in a more professional setting, when others of the more ‘hipster’ variation were still wearing their Nike’s at said event

(FYI she was dressed the smartest of all us and looked awesome!)

Of course I’m currently enjoying this relaxed approach to streetwear as I can wear my trainers in my current job and whilst its cool I don’t have to worry so much about what to wear on a night out, what about the time when people didn’t have this luxury, that people literally had to appear as a different person just go out for a pint or have a boogie.

And what about the people who still wouldn’t get away with wearing an Adidas two piece to work?

The ‘No trainers’ rule might not be on the doors or in the contracts in the workplace, but its still at work in more insidious ways.

Side note: I still overdress on nights out because IDGAF x

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Funny AND Educational, my fave x

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Tuesday Tunes fresh from Bomb Bae Spice Mix Vol.1 features AfroPunk darling Kelela x

Kelela - Gomenasai

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Man Crush Monday

Riz Ahmed, here he is speaking at Parliament about diversity and representation in the UK 

https://www.facebook.com/Channel4News/videos/10154616232846939/

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Riz Ahmed by Geordie Wood for WSJ Magazine December 2016

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Tunes Tuesday! From Bomb Bae’s Spice mix Vol.1 (that’s literally just me and my Spotify playlist) 

Here’s some M.I.A  - Borders a.k.a painfully relevant right now.

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Bobby Friction lists his upcoming artist representing the Asian Sensation 

#brownpower!

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20 YEARS OF BUFFY, 10 FEMINIST LESSONS

Buffy The Vampire Slayer turns 20 years of age and as a massive fan who has been watching it since I was 10 years old, here are my top ten feminist lessons and moments from the show.

1. Self Reliance and the Strength Within.

One thing that Buffy as a show tackled well was the importance and downfall of being a self-reliant, independent woman in today’s world. What aided her in her defeat of her abusive vamp ex was also what isolated her from her friends and family. Buffy showed that whilst as a woman it is important to have friends and family but it is vital to draw from the strength within whilst also not being afraid to ask for help. 

Angelus: Now that's everything, huh? No weapons... No friends...No hope. Take all that away... and what's left? Buffy: Me.

2. Joyce - single mother extraordinaire

Joyce Summer’s was the single mother to Buffy and also Dawn (it’s a whole thing)

She was kind, caring and to a point, pretty understanding. She freaked out about Buffy losing her virginity and being a vampire slayer but throughout it all she was always there for her daughter. She squared off power hungry principals, vampires and even a killer slayer, she defended her child and she did it alone. She vowed to protect and love Dawn especially after finding out she wasn’t really her biological daughter and taught Buffy compassion and responsibility in a way she had never faced, despite saving the world numerous times. 

Her death contributed to one of the most heartbreaking tv episodes ever seen (and there’s a lot!) it was real, raw and not like anything television at that time had seen. It was a testament to her character and what she meant to Buffy, her friends and also to the show and its fans.

Joyce: You get the hell away from my daughter!

3. Women and Sexuality 

Buffy the Vampire Slayer pushed boundaries in many ways but one of the most important boundaries was that of the first lesbian sex scene on network television in America. Whilst some aren’t fans of using magic as a subtext of their relationship, Tara and Willow’s relationship grew in one of the most well rounded, healthy and honest relationships on the entire show. Willow’s gradual exploration and realisation of her sexuality is also important. Everyone regardless of how they define their sexuality comes to realise it and navigate it in different ways. 

The show also tackled straight female sexuality, from Buffy’s loss of virginity to who she thought was the right guy but turned nasty, to Kendra’s shy engagement with boys to Faith’s open and care free attitude, there was always a strong message that sex and sexuality was important and different for each female character in the show  and can mean different things at different times in your life. The main message for young women is, as long as your choices are healthy and make you happy, who really cares?!

Willow: ...and I think I’m kinda gay?

4. What it feels like to be just a girl. 

Buffy isn’t a natural superhero, from the film and the flashbacks she was a cheerleading prom loving girl who was Chosen and had her destiny forced upon her.

From the episode Prophecy Girl where Buffy finds out she’s going to die, to explaining what being a slayer is to her mother and lamenting on wanting to just paint her nails, Buffy struggles with what it means to have so much responsibility, face all the darkness in the world whilst just wanting to be a normal girl.

Whether its discrimination in the workplace, our right to abortions, sexual assault, maternity rights and all the problems women face, it can feel like the weight of the world is on our shoulders and that we are fighting daily battles and making sacrifices just to get by. 

But we’re all just girls, we all have dreams, hopes and aspirations. We all have silly things we do to make ourselves feel better and we all want to be loved and respected.

We all want equality for everyone and right now, to do that, we’ve got to keep slaying.

Kid: But you're... you're just a girl. Buffy: ....That's what I keep saying.

5. Male allies

The men in Buffy are definitely second fiddle but are vital. I’m going to start by admitting that re-watching the first couple of season of Buffy, Xander is a bit dick! Right got that out of my system, but just like the women in the show he grew and learnt and became the heart of the group. From his unwavering support of Buffy, his iconic pep talk with Dawn which makes me cry every time, to saving the world by reminding Willow of her humanity. Xander became the best friend you wish you had.

Giles became Buffy’s father figure quite early on in the series and accepted her for all her faults and never judged her for it. He jeopardised his job by standing up to the patriarchal system that made him her Watcher and pretty much tortured her, he was willing to die and kill for her and took all of her friends under his wing as well. 

It’s important to remind ourselves that Feminism is about equality so if you’re lucky enough to have male allies around you, appreciate their value and support.Yes, they are doing as they should but whilst they may benefit from it more that us, they are also victims of the Patriachy as well.  If they’re fighting to good fight and not intimated by your strength, I say hats off to you sirs!

Buffy: But this is all my fault.

Rupert Giles: No. I don't believe it is. Do you want me to wag my finger at you and tell you that you acted rashly? You did. And I can. I know that you loved him. And he has proven more than once that he loved you. You couldn't have known what would happen. The coming months are gonna be hard. I suspect on all of us, but if it's guilt you're looking for, Buffy, I'm not your man. 

All you will get from me  is my support. And my respect.

7. The Slayer, The Mother, The Geek, The Prom Queen, The Killer, The Demon, The Witch, The Key 

Labels are placed on women all the time and can feel suffocated by the expectations around that, where its mother, career women, whore, virgin, girly or tomboy, society rarely allows to be all these things or none. We have to fall into one group or another and if we try and mix them around we get called up on being contrary or worse - attempting to ‘have it all.’

You can label each one of the main women that make up the Buffyverse but each one defies its stereotype growing into complex and realised people, just like everyday women. 

Buffy was a peppy pretty girl with a secret and evolved to a maternal yet isolated warrior who had grown tired of the weight of being a Slayer, to finally embracing her role as a leader a teacher. Willow was a geek and also an all powerful witch, Faith was a killer but was also vulnerable, Anya was a demon who also was a doting girlfriend. 

Their stereotypes are fantasy extremes but each character was one thing at the start and something different by the end, they are real, three-dimensional women growing, learning, falling and rising up again.

Buffy: I'm cookie dough. I'm not done baking. I'm not finished becoming who ever the hell it is I'm gonna turn out to be. I make it through this, and the next thing, and the next thing, and maybe one day, I turn around and realize I'm ready. I'm cookies.

8. Misogyny can kill even the strongest of women

In one of the weaker seasons of Buffy, season 6 did however thrive in tackling the subject of misogyny.  After Buffy comes back from the dead, she is left feeling lost, alone and seeking sexual solace in Spike, a vampire. When she realises that their relationship isn’t healthy and that she’s been sleeping with him for all the wrong reasons, he doesn’t take it well. He in fact, tries to rape her. This is something that women all over the world face and this theme is furthered by her human nemesis Warren who is particularly sexist and when she asserts her physical strength over him/‘emasculating’ him, he responds by coming into her home, shooting her and killing Tara in the process.

Violence and sexual assault against women is a very real problem in society and no matter how much we tell girls to dress a certain way, to not ‘tease men’ and to ‘cater to their ego’ even the Slayer herself can be victim to a system that perpetuates an idea that women are at fault and men are left blameless. We need to stop this because also we don’t have Willow to turn evil and become a vengeful super witch. 

Willow: You never felt you had the power with her, not until you killed her. 

Warren: Women. You know, you're just like the rest of them. Mind games.

9. Diversity and Intersectionality are key

One of the downfalls of Buffy is its lack of diversity. Show runners have admitted it and done their best to learn from it with future shows paving the way for awesome characters like Zoe Washburne from Firefly and Melinda May from Agents of Shield who are both similar in characteristics to Buffy but also women of colour.  

But one way that the show tackled their shortcomings of diversity with previous characters was when we met The First Slayer. 

The First Slayer was an African woman kidnap and imbued her with demonic powers by 3 men who became The Watcher’s Council. 

Now she’s far from perfect and how the whole concept and how its portrayed is problematic as hell, one might even go as far to say that its pretty racist. 

But they could have easily made The First Slayer white, they could’ve made her ethnically ambiguous etc but by making her black they not only recognized the importance of race and Africa in The Slayer’s origins story but also the in human race itself. 

Here presence itself lead to the origins of other Slayers and Potential Slayers to be slightly more diverse and we see it full effect in the seventh and final season of Buffy The Vampire Slayer from dodging accents, varying sexualities, ethnicities, sub-cultures and general characteristics. The Potentials may also be terrible stereotypes but to some people (me in this case) when it comes to early forms of representing intersectional feminism, I’ll take what I can get.

Either way, Buffy as a character and the‘Wheddonverse’ in general are indebted to the First Slayer.

First Slayer via Tara: You think you know what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

10. The Sisterhood

One thing I’ve always loved about Buffy the Vampire Slayer was the sisterhood. They may not all love each other and be best friends but when it came down to it, they had each others back. From Cordelia stepping up to fight the demons and even offering a vulnerable Buffy a ride home to Willow saving Anya’s life even when she had reverted to being a demon to even Faith proudly being by Buffy’s side in the final fight. Buffy’s friendships and female allies taught us that its important to have different types of women from different backgrounds and opinions and that each add value to your life. Female friendships can be challenging and complex in a world when were are constantly pitted against each other but more than ever its important to celebrate and covet what unites us. 

In the final episode Buffy decides to give up her title by having Willow make every potential slayer an actual Slayer, it’s final message of the show was using that sisterhood to pass on the power and strength to a new generation may it be potential slayers or our daughters and students because whilst we may have made progress, we still having many demons to fight.

Buffy: From now on, every girl in the world who might be a Slayer, will be a Slayer. Every girl who could have the power, will have the power. Can stand up, will stand up. Slayers, every one of us. Make your choice. Are you ready to be strong?

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“We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We say to girls, you can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful, but not too successful. Otherwise, you would threaten the man. Because I am female, I am expected to aspire to marriage. I am expected to make my life choices always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important. Now marriage can be a source of joy and love and mutual support but why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don’t teach boys the same? We raise girls to see each other as competitors not for jobs or accomplishments, which I think can be a good thing, but for the attention of men. We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are. 

Feminist: a person who believes in the social, political, and economic equality of the sexes”

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie by Patrick Demarchelier for Vanity Fair Magazine

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BECAUSE...SCIENCE

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Shashi Tharoor claims Brtis suffer from historical amnesia, and he couldn’t be more right.

I strongly believe that if we were taught about The British Empire at school things like Brexit may not have happened or at least young people would understand the extreme hypocrisy of telling people to go back to their own countries and accuse people of taking what isn’t theirs.  

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Man Crush Monday - Gabriel Luna aka Robbie Reyes aka Ghost Rider aka YUM x

Robbie Reyes + Smiling (requested by anon)

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Because the world isn’t scary enough....be safe kids

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Asian Sensation out in full effect

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Here is a piece I wrote a few years ago about how we interact with and discuss sexual abuse. Victims need us

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An Open Letter to everyone and their opinions on Dylan Farrow on behalf of victims of abuse

Unless you live under a rock you may have noticed something about Dylan Farrow, adopted daughter of Woody Allen, and her open letter detailing the ‘alleged’ abuse she endured by her father when she was a child.

I’m not writing this to say anything about Woody Allen and whilst I have cause to believe the letter,I’m writing this as I’m alarmed at the response by people around the world.  Articles and comments that are coming out in defense of Woody Allen and attacking Dylan and Mia Farrow are doing a massive disservice to victims of abuse and their families. And this needs to stop.

Daily Beast released an article by super fan Bob Weide defending Woody Allen saying we must look at facts and basically calling Dylan and Mia Farrow liars and that these allegations were the agenda of a woman scorned. Majority of the article didn’t focus on Dylan’s letter at all but focused on Allen’s relationship with Mia Farrow’s daughter Soon Yi Previn as the support argument that this is all part of Mia Farrow’s vendetta against Allen, and that she would exact her revenge by brainwashing her child into believing Allen abused her. 

Weide speaks of facts, endless lists of of 'facts’ and even Simon Pegg, someone I’m a huge fan of chimed in on the importance of 'facts’ in this case, but most of these facts have nothing to do with the actual allegations made, facts that would help this case would be 'Fact: Woody Allen has never been left alone with his daughter’ instead of mindless drivel about Frank Sinatra being the father of Mia Farrow’s other child…..because that definitely means Allen didn’t do it!

The notion that someone would make this up is deeply disturbing but what’s more disturbing is people’s urgency to believe someone would be so damaged and manipulated to do such a thing and carry it into adulthood over the likely possibility that she was in fact abused by her father. 

It takes a tremendous amount of courage to admit something happened to you let alone try and stand up to your abuser. Having known a few people in my life who have been victims of abuse, I’ve seen the damaging effects it can have. I’ve seen the self doubt, the self loathing, the confusion, the fear and the shame. And it’s the shame and stigma felt by victims and members of the victims family that make it incredibly hard for me to believe someone would put themselves in the position to be branded as an abuse victim for their entire life for the sake of smearing a good man’s name for your unstable Mother. People are not being dramatic, the damage of abuse never leaves you and Dylan Farrow is demonstrating this by her letter. While the letter could have been less of an attack and more on highlighting the thoughts of abuse and power, Farrow does speak of those who suffer in silence, and that’s what I’m taking from this.  

The crux of what has led me the write this blog is that the articles and comments have ultimately led me to feel that maybe we’re not educating people enough about abuse, that maybe people don’t realise how common it is, what the signs are and how damaging it can be or how many people get away with it day in day out. Like any cases of abuse, it can be incredibly difficult to convict someone without hard evidence. Abuse cases are not like robberies where they can dust for prints and hope the evidence leads somewhere, its most likely that Dylan Farrow wouldn’t have been able to place dates and times when she told her mother about it and these factors were used to challenge the credibility in the case.   As the strongest evidence is displayed physically, which in some cases the abuse isn’t displayed physically (there have been comments that sitting with a child naked isn’t abuse - it is.) If a child does not tell someone of the abuse until a significant time has past, it can be very hard to prove, just because the body can physically heal doesn’t mean it didn’t happen and to trivialise this by saying it’s all 'he says, she says’ only emphasises that people are naive and afraid to accept the horrors that happen every day. We are not doing enough.  

Here are some actual facts and stats from the NSPCC 

One in 20 children (4.8%) have experienced contact sexual abuse.

Over 90% of children who experienced sexual abuse, were abused by someone they knew.*

More than one in three children (34%) who experienced contact sexual abuse by an adult did not tell anyone else about it.

While 1 in 20 doesn’t seem like much that means during my time secondary school one person in every class has been abused so thats 10 people a year per year group, which then means that at one point in my life I was in a building with 70 victims of sexual abuse. To know that some of these children never told anyone about their abuse is extremely sad but we live in a society where we make it difficult for people to feel like they can. 

The way people talk about Mia Farrow also makes me very sad. If this situation is as Dylan says, the pain parents of victims of abuse feel is unlike another and Mia Farrow is constantly being reminded of this feeling when Diane Keaton sings off key in a suit, not to mention when so called journalists brand her as some swamp dwelling harpy out to ruin their best mate. Parents feel they failed, they didn’t protect their child and that ultimately it is their fault. Everyone is quick to judge Mia Farrow which is fine as no one really knows what went on there, but no one is thinking how this sounds to actual people who have been through this, that are going through this and may have to go through this in the future.We have to ask ourselves why are we focussing whether someone had an affair or how common false reports are when we should be focussing on why is the one crime that never relents? Why can’t we find better ways to stop it? Why do we feel people cry rape or abuse? What do they really have to gain? Is it really that common? Statistics state it isn’t, less than 10% of abuse claims are false and have long term damaging effects on the children involved who rarely stick to claims into adulthood or to put it another way, its 90% more likely the allegations against Allen are true.

I’m not saying you’re not entitled to have your opinions as in this case that’s all we have, as none of us, celebrities and the general public have actual facts but what I think we need to be doing is trying to understand more about this crime that seems to plague our society.  In the UK, we are definitely more accepting of our revered stars being uncovered as pedophiles due to a damning documentary on 'Sir’ Jimmy Saville and the years of abuse he inflicted on young people; a documentary that would’ve been released sooner but similar to the supportive response to Woody Allen, people in power wouldn’t believe it was true and thought it was somewhat awkward and inappropriate to release to the public. But it doesn’t stop this crime from happening, this crime that doesn’t discriminate, people are still abusing their power and in some cases fame, to hurt the innocent and the vulnerable. We have to be able to have conversations about this that doesn’t confirm people’s fears about coming forward to report abuse. Because chances are that victims feel like no one will believe them and that they are alone, and you wonder why.

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Legend, hero, pioneer. Zeenat Aman was Bollywood’s first female sex symbol

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Hare Rama Hare Krishna (1971)