#<- that's WHY he switches so violently from trying to talk Alex out of everything to suddenly stabbing him to death -

[brittlebutch]

the only thing i don't like about 'Alex should have asked for help' AUs/theories is that they all seem to have the base assumption that we actually Know Anything about The Operator, and the fact of the matter is that we simply Don't.

[hoe4almondmilk]

Safety Net: Chapter 3

Present! Carol Denning/Reader

Trigger Warning: There is mentions of Attempted sexual assault, nothing in detail though. 

“Oh, don’t be like that! Just give me a piece and I won’t make an arrest for reckless driving and possession.” The cop chuckled as he attempted to grab your shoulder.

“I said get the fuck away from me!” you yelled. You could smell the alcohol on his breath as his face approached yours. 

He grabbed you by the shoulders, everything was happening so fast and yet it felt like it was all in slow motion. That's when you grabbed his gun from his waist and shot him.

You gasped, sitting up quickly. Your heart was pounding and your skin was slick with sweat from the nightmare. It took a few moments to finally catch your breath.

“Oh my god.” You groaned quietly, as you rubbed your eyes from exhaustion.

This was your first nightmare in a very long time. The last time you had a nightmare was back when you first arrived at camp but that was years ago and you were on antidepressants. You had almost forgotten how real they felt. How they brought you back to that horrific moment. The moment your life was turned upside down and changed for the worst. 

“The fuck is wrong with you?” Carol groaned in a grumpy tone from underneath her bunk in a groggy voice interrupting your thoughts.

“Nothing. Just a nightmare.” You replied blankly as you laid back down.

After a few minutes of silence you heard Carol ask “You okay, kid?” Maybe you were delusional from being tired but you could’ve sworn you heard the slightest bit of concern in Carol’s voice.

“Not even a little bit.” You whispered as you attempted to hold back the tears.

It felt almost like hours before you could fall back asleep, scared your nightmare would continue if you closed your eyes.

“Wake the fuck up, Inmate.” C.O. Hellman yelled as he smacked the door of your cell, making a large clap noise that made you jump up from your sleep.

“Okay, I’m awake.” You groaned, as you rubbed your eyes and slid down from your bunk. You must’ve slept in pretty late, considering Carol was absent from her bunk. 

After getting changed into your navy scrubs and brushing your teeth, you made your way out of your cell into the common area. 

You scanned the room to see Carol at her usual spot playing bridge with the other women. 

You and Carol were on good terms now after your agreement the other night. An hour before lights out she’d even spend some time with you, giving you a bridge lesson. Still you still really weren’t sure if you were on that level of familiarity with her yet to just go sit at her table. You looked over to see your two favorite people Piper and Alex and made your way towards them.

“Well, someone slept in pretty late.” Alex said as she looked up from her book.

“Yeah, I had some trouble sleeping last night and I guess my body made up for it.” You groaned and you got comfortable in your seat.

“(L/N), what happened to you the other night? I can still see the bruises on your neck.” Piper inquired.

“Oh, shit.” Alex hissed as she leaned in to take a closer look at the now yellow bruising on your neck.

“I’d rather not talk about it.” Your hand rubbed your neck as a pathetic attempt to shield the bruises. 

“Was it Badison?” Piper’s eyes widened. “You see Alex, I told you Badison is fucking crazy.” 

“Chapman, shush!” You hushed Piper. “Seriously, watch what you say around here.” 

“So it was Badison?” Piper whispered.

“Jesus, yes, Chapman. Listen, I have it taken care of, okay?.” You groaned, you did not want what happened to you the other night in the showers happening to her.

“If you say so.” Piper sighed as she looked over to Alex in hopes for a response. Alex just shrugged her shoulders. 

“Well, speak of the devil.” Alex warned as Badison made her way over to your table.”

“Hey lezzies, sorry to interrupt but Carol wants to see Mouse.” Badison chuckled. “Now.” She demanded.

“Well, off I go.” You sighed as you got up from your spot following the rambunctious blonde.

It’s safe to say you probably should’ve sat with Carol when you entered the common room. Hopefully, she’s not too upset. How could you have known? You gulped out of nervousness. What if you did piss her off? If Badison could get two girls to jump you in the shower imagine the damage Carol could do if she really wanted to. 

You quickly snapped out of your thoughts when you made it over to Carol’s table. Akers, Creech, Teng, Brock, Chambal and of course Carol were all sitting at the table. Badison sat down in front of Carol. You could feel not only her eyes on you but the eyes of the other women who sat around Carol. 

“Brock, move.” Carol said not looking up from her cards.

Brock rolled her eyes as she got up and away from her spot next Carol.

Carol looked up from her the cards in her hands and met your eyes with hers. “Sit.” 

You nodded and sat next to her, filling in Brock’s spot.

“It’s your turn to switch in.” Carol slid the deck of cards to you.

“What is she doing here?” Teng grunted obviously annoyed by your presence at the table. 

You couldn’t really blame her, Badison did order her to go jump you and made you out to be an enemy, yet here you were sitting next to Carol playing bridge.

Carol looked up from her cards and glared at Teng. “She works with us now.”

“So, Mouse. What the fuck are you in here for?” Badison smirked. You could feel the eyes of everyone at the table on you, except Carol who was too focused on the cards in her hands. 

“I’d really rather not talk about it.” You replied as you drew a couple of cards trying to focus on the game. 

You actually hadn’t told really anyone about why you were in prison in the first place but camp was small so word got around and so did rumors about what you had done, most of which weren’t true. You didn’t care, let them think what they want. You wanted to do your time and leave this place behind. But of course, your luck, the riot happened as you only had three years left of your seven year sentence. 

You were at maximum now, things were different here. You were surrounded by some of the most violent types of offenders. Maybe you should’ve been here in the first place. No, you shouldn’t. You did what you had to do.

 “Probably something petty, you did come here from minimum.” She chuckled. “Ain’t nothin tough about you.” It took everything in you not to roll your eyes at her. 

“Madison.” Carol cautioned with a glare. After a few moments of silence, Carol asked “Are you gonna tell us?”, as she glanced over at you waiting for an answer.

Should you lie? No, no definitely not. Carol was the boss, she could probably have a CO find out for her if she really wanted to and she'd have your head if she found out you lied to her.

 “I shot a cop.” You muttered as you pulled another card from the deck. You looked up when you noticed the wave of silence that washed over the entire table. Everyone was shocked to say the least. Even Carol whose face normally wore a blank expression looked slightly surprised with one of her eyebrows raised. 

“Damn, Mouse is a cop killer!” Creech laughed. 

“Yo, that’s badass!” Akers joined in with Creech. Both women were laughing in unison.

“Bullshit.” Badison laughed. “You just want to look tough.”

“It’s true.” You replied, as you sank further into your seat. Just wanting the attention to shift away from you. 

And unfortunately you were telling the truth but you couldn’t blame her for not believing you or anyone for that matter. You hated people finding out what you did. You didn’t necessarily regret what happened but you hated the way people saw you after you told them. Especially in prison, it gave a false image of you. You weren’t a violent person nor did you ever try to appear as one.

“Then why were you in minimum “cop killer”?'' Badison leaned forward, asking almost as if she was challenging you. Everything was a competition to her. 

You slammed the cards down on the table. “Not that it’s any of your business, Badison, but I didn’t kill him and it was self defense.” 

“I’m not buying it.” Badison continued.

“I don’t have to prove anything to you, Badison.” You scoffed, as you once again tried to center your focus back to the game. 

“Well that’s a shame cause you really sho-“

“Madison.” Carol interrupted her mid sentence “Stop.” Her eyes burning onto the loud blonde, obviously having enough of Badison starting petty pointless fights. 

You tried your best to stop the corners of your mouth from curving into a small smile. It was nice knowing Carol was keeping her end of the deal. 

Badison gulped and did as Carol said. 

“You know what,” Carol put her deck of cards down. “Madison, Scat.”

“What?” Badison asked almost dumbfounded.

“Unless you can play bridge well, all of a sudden, go. You’re annoying me.” Carol continued her glare at Badison.

“Fine.” Badison stood up from her spot and slowly trudged off, anger obvious in every step. 

Normally you would’ve been scared but you weren’t. Badison knew she was already crossing the line with Carol’s patience. She knew not to fuck with you like she did last time. 

“Let’s start over.” Carol sighed as she began to reshuffle the thick deck of playing cards.

After an hour of non stop rounds of bridge, Carol decided to take a break. She needed to talk to Badison about their new haul of pills. You weren’t complaining, your ass was starting to hurt from sitting on the hard plastic seat for so long. You headed up the stairs to your cell to lay down for a bit. You let out a quiet groan, as you rubbed your lower back. Your lower back definitely needed a break too.

“Psst.” You heard a voice whisper to you right before you walked into your cell, stopping you in your tracks. God it better not be fuckin Badison. You looked over and almost screamed. It was Nicky. 

“Long time no see, Doll.” Nicky chuckled as she leaned against the custodial cart.

“Nicky,” It took everything in you not to run into her arms and hug the absolute shit out of her. “I- How-... What are you doing here?” 

You couldn’t believe your eyes, you hadn’t seen Nicky since you guys were in Ad Seg but you two couldn’t really even have a real conversation because of the asshole guards. 

Nicky was one of the few real friends you had at camp. You remember the day she first arrived to camp. You two had been inseparable since and not that you would ever admit it but at one point you had a slight crush on her. You never mentioned it nor would you ever mention it to her because you value your friendship with Nicky more.

“What, not happy to see me?” She chuckled as she faked a pout.

You looked around to make sure no one was looking, seriously not needing another jumping. You smiled looking back at her, “I’m so happy, if I could hug you and not get jumped I would.” 

Nicky’s smile quickly faded when her eyes landed on your neck, “A second time? What the fuck happened?” 

You groaned, damn how long were these bruises gonna stay. “I don’t want to talk about it, it won’t happen again.”

 Nicky rolled her eyes and she gripped the mop in her hands tighter, her anger was obvious.“Who did that to you? I swear I’ll-“

“You’ll what? You’ll get jumped too, Nicky. It’s not like camp. Red can’t protect us here. Where is she anyway? Is she in D-Block with you?” The last time you saw Red was in Ad Seg.

“No, She must still be in Ad Seg.” Nicky looked hurt answering that. You wanted to hug her. It was painful knowing you couldn’t. 

“How are you, Nicky? Seriously, I fuckin miss you.” You could feel your eyes watering up. 

Nicky sniffled, “I miss you too,” She wiped her eyes, “You know, I’ve been better, Lorna and her bunkie adopted a pack of rats so I’ve had to hear about that for the past four days.” Nicky chuckled.

“Ew, that’s gross.” You chuckled softly.

“Nichols!” CO Blake yelled. “There’s a spill down here!” 

“Heigh-ho, off to work I go.” Nicky groaned, as she started to wheel her cart away, She turned around to say “I miss you, kid.” sadly.

“I miss you too, Nicky. More than you could know.” You replied, you slowly turned around trying to soak up as much of her image as you could before you made your way back into your cell. 

You quickly wiped the tears from your eyes before anyone saw. You hated it here. None of you deserved to be in here. You wanted your prison family back even if it was a dysfunctional mess.

You crawled up your bunk and into your bed, plopping face down into your very thin pillow. Praying that you’d just wake up from all of this and be back home with your family before all of this mess happened. Prison was a tortuous hell. 

Snapping you out of the hypnotizing darkness that was your pillow, you heard, “It’s barely noon and you’re asleep again?”

You lifted your head up to see Carol leaning against the entrance of the cell.

You let out a groan as you flipped onto your back, as you faced the ceiling. “I wasn’t sleeping.” 

“That’s surprising.” Carol chuckled as she strolled into the cell and sat herself down on her bed. “You’re so young, what do you have to be tired about?” 

You rolled your eyes, you absolutely hated it when people told you that, it was so annoying. “You know, that’s really invalidating.” You sat up on your bed, leaning your body towards the edge of the bed so you could look at her.

Carol was hardly listening, too focused on her magazine and lollipop. “Invalidating, how so?” She gave you a glance, taking a minuscule break from her scantily clad men.

“You’re just assuming, I have nothing to worry about solely because of the fact that I'm young. I don’t even feel young because of the place. Prison has robbed me of my youth. I should be in college.” You looked up at the ceiling and sighed. “I should be anywhere but here.” 

Carol was silent for a moment, looking at you. “How long have you been in here?”

“I was eighteen, when it happened. I just graduated high school.” 

“Eighteen.” Carol repeated, She chuckled. “You were about my age when I first got here.” 

“You’ve been in here since you were eighteen?” You asked, you were shocked. Carol’s spent her whole life in this place and by the looks of how she runs things here, she wouldn’t be getting out anytime soon. 

“Crazy, isn’t it? It’s gone by so excruciatingly slow yet time flew by so fast.” She sighed as she removed her glasses from her face to rub her eyes. There was a hint of sadness and yet some passive aggressiveness in her voice. “It was originally just twenty-five years but I was betrayed by someone I cared about and so I got an extra thirty stacked on top.” She leaned her head against the wall of her bunk.

An “I’m sorry, Carol.” was all you could say, was there anything else you could say? This woman has spent her whole life in this place and was most likely going to die here, yet for some reason you thought you had the right to complain about a measly seven years.

“It doesn’t matter. I’m different now. I’ve learned not to trust anyone here so easily.” She put her glasses back on her face. There was a moment of silence. “So, exactly why did you shoot that cop, tough girl?” 

“It’s hard to talk about.” You muttered. “I have so many mixed feelings about what happened.”

“Sit down here with me.” Carol invited, scooting over to where her pillow laid.

You nodded as you climbed down from your bed to hers, not wasting this act of kindness from Carol. You knew she was cold blooded and was rarely kind to anyone. So far though, she made an exception for you. You just took it as her being nice because you were new and could offer something for her business.

You sat down on her bed, pulling your knees to your chest. “I didn’t intend to shoot him. That was the last thing I wanted to do but I didn’t have any other choice.” Your voice became hoarse as you tried to hold back the tears. 

Carol watched and listened to you in silence. 

“I had to, I wasn’t going to let him rape me. That’s what he wanted. I saw how he looked at me and how he grabbed me. I can still feel his grasp on my arms.” Tears fell from your eyes. Three years later and it was still so hard to talk about. You should be getting proper counseling, not the bullshit you were getting from Healy back at camp.

“Is that why you woke up last night?” Carol asked. You looked over at her and her expression was soft. Before it was a word that couldn’t be put with Carol. She was hard, tough and cold. Yet somehow she was showing you sympathy.

You nodded. “This was my first nightmare in years. My last one was when I first arrived at camp.” You wiped your tears away and chuckled. “What’s so fucked up is I’m the victim and yet I'm the one in prison. They decided his gunshot wound was his punishment.” 

You flinched when you felt Carol’s hand touch your back. Your muscles slowly relaxed when she began to rub your back. She didn’t say anything for a moment there. She didn’t need to. Her hand on your back was all she needed to say. This was the first time in a while you had felt someone show you slightest bit of affection. It was nice. You were touch starved.

“Thank you.” You gave Carol a small smile.

And she smiled back at you.

[kimoralov3]

Hello, Old Friend

Requested by: @nuclearpizza84

Word Count: 2449

Pairing: Erik Lehnsherr x gn!black!mutant!reader

espèce d'imbécile = idiot in french according to google translate

Warnings: swearing, talks of attempted murder, mention of racial slurs

Charles’ POV

“Who’s the next person on our list?” Erik asked as he sat in one of the chairs, propping his feet up on my desk. I pushed his feet off of my desk then picked up the notebook filled with mutants we could possibly recruit.

“Someone by the name of (Y/N) (Y/LN). They live in Atlanta, Georgia, and as of now it doesn't seem as if they have a job."

"(Y/N)? I used to know someone with that name. Do you have a guess as to what their mutation may be?" Erik sat up straighter in the chair. Oh, now he's interested now that this person has the same name as an old friend of his?

"No I don't, but I guess we shall find out soon. If we want to make it there and back before midday tomorrow, we should leave in the next 30 minutes." Erik nodded and stood up, walking towards the door. "What if this person happens to be your old friend?"

"If this is the same (Y/N) as the one I know, they'll need a lot more convincing than us being in the same boat as them. They're quite stubborn in that way." Erik said as he stopped and turned to face me.

"Like you?" I asked as I titled my head to the side slightly. Erik glared at me before exiting the room, not bothering shutting the door behind him. There was definitely something else going on between Erik and his supposed old friend.

----

Erik's POV

I stepped out of the car, buttoning up my coat as I took in my surroundings. We had taken a taxi to a small town, not too far from Atlanta. There was a corner store across from us, some restaurants down the street, and a combined book/coffee shop. Of course you would run away here. It's the perfect place to escape from your past. 

"Well, it certainly is quite lovely here. According to Cerebro, (Y/N) comes here every other week to get some more books for the orphanage across town. Very nice of them." Charles said as he made his way towards the book/coffee shop. I followed him, taking one last look at the street before stepping inside.

One half of the shop was filled with floor to ceiling bookshelves, all marked with whatever genre of book filled the shelves. If we were to walk about a foot forward, we'd be standing directly in front of the white and grey display case. There was a counter attached where the coffee machine sat. The back of other side of the shop was filled with bean bag chairs and pillows, while the front is where the tables and chairs sat. 

"Welcome gentlemen, would you like a cup of- Erik?" A voice said as they came from the back. I turned my attention towards the owner of the voice and smiled.

"Hello, (Y/N). How have you been?"

"Wow, he wasn't lying, he actually has friends. I'm impressed." Charles said with a hint of mockery in his tone.

"Erik, what are you doing here? I thought we agreed to never look for each other again." (Y/N) asked as they walked around the counter to stand in front of us.

"Well that was then, and this is now. We need your help." I said. They haven't changed a bit. 

"Oh, I've heard that before. You can fuck off Erik, I'm never helping you again." They said as they glared up at me. You always did look cute when you were upset.

"I don't know what the history between the two of you is, but he's not asking for your help. I am. In return I'm offering to help you control your mutation. If we could sit down I could explain everything further." Charles said as he looked between the two of us.

"Mutation? What are you talking about, I don't have any type of mutation. And who even are you?" (Y/N) asked as they finally turned their attention towards Charles, giving him a once over.

"I'm Charles Xavier. You see, the three of us all have a gene- well, a mutated gene- that gives us specific abilities. I'm a telepath, and Erik can control metal." 

"You're crazy. The whole time Erik and I worked together, he never showed signs of having any special 'abilities'. Other than being an asshole." (Y/N)'s lips curled into a slight smirk at the insult.

"It's not my fault you kept getting in the way." I said.

"You pushed me off a fucking train, Erik. I think it's safe to say that that wasn't my fault."

"You're the one who wasn't supposed to be there in the first place. I told you to stay in the train and wait for me, but you just couldn't follow directions." 

"So you decided that the safest bet was to push me off a moving train?"

"Exactly."

"Erik, you're not helping. (Y/N), I understand that you probably don't trust Erik, but you can trust me. If anything goes wrong, I'll take full responsibility. So what do you say?"

(Y/N) took a deep breath, looking between the two of us. I was beginning to think that they'd say no and kick us out, but they finally came to a decision. "Fine, I'll help. As long as Erik doesn't double cross me. Again."

Charles looked at me expectedly, making me roll my eyes. Please, we need all the help we can get. Charles communicated to me telepathically. "Fine, I won't double cross you."

"Excellent! (Y/N,) let's take a taxi to your place so you can gather some of your things. On the way, I can tell you all about my research and what exactly it is we're doing here. I'm sure you'll find it all very interesting." Charles said as he led (Y/N) out of the shop. 

"You coming, espèce d'imbécile?" (Y/N) asked as they got in the taxi. I snapped out of whatever trance I was in and got in the taxi.

----

(Y/N)'s POV

Charles had spent both taxi rides and most of the plane ride explaining his findings about mutants. To be honest, I didn't understand most of it, but he seemed excited to share this information with someone new, so I wasn't going to stop him. All I knew was that I had another reason for people to call me a freak. Once the plane landed, Charles drove us to his house- excuse me, I mean mansion. "Well shit. You lived here by yourself?" I asked as I got out of the car. 

"Well, not entirely. I have a sister named Raven, you'll meet her soon." Charles said as we walked inside. I can't believe I'm in a fucking mansion. If only my parents could see me now. 

"Oh good, you're back! Hello there, I'm Raven." The blond girl said as she smiled brightly and ran over to me and gave me a hug. I was shocked for a second, but I quickly hugged her back. Is this usually how people greet each other?

"I'm (Y/N), it's nice to meet you. You're Charles' sister, right?" I asked as she pulled away. She nodded and turned to Charles. 

"The boys are sitting in the kitchen. Can you take (Y/N)'s stuff to their room while I introduce them to everyone else?" She asked him. He nodded and grabbed my suitcases, walking somewhere down the hall. She then turned to Erik. "Are the two of you getting along well?"

Erik scoffed. "Me and Charles or me and (Y/N)? Because me and Charles are getting along swimmingly, but (Y/N) is being a bit dramatic if you ask me."

"Says the man who spent 30 minutes crying because he lost track of some stupid guy." I shot back quickly. Erik's jaw clenched as he gave me a once over, then walked in the same direction that Charles went.

"Well that was rude of him. Anyway, come on, let's go meet the rest of the boys." She said as she grabbed my hand and tugged me towards the kitchen. One boy was standing in front of the sink with a beer in his hand, another one with glasses sitting at the table with a bunch of files in front of him, and a messy brown haired boy digging through the fridge. "Boys, we have a new friend. Introduce yourselves please."

"Alex." The boy with the beer said.

The boy rummaging through the fridge stood up, holding a bottle of water in one hand and waving at me with the other. "I'm Seth."

"I'm Hank, nice to meet you." He gave me an awkward smile.

"(Y/N), nice to meet you all." 

"So, what are your special abilities?" Alex asked as he threw the bottle in the trash.

"Anatomy manipulation. You?" They all looked at me like I was crazy. Did I say something wrong?

"A-Anatomy manipulation? That's a pretty violent thing." Hank said as he pushed his glasses to sit correctly on his nose.

"Yeah, it can get pretty ugly. That's why I don't really like to use them. Hurting people isn't really my style."

"I learned that the hard way." Erik's voice came from behind us. I swear this man gets on my fucking nerves.

"Hey Erik. Did you need something?" Raven asked as she turned around to face him. She is definitely interested in him. 

"I would like to speak to (Y/N) in my room."

"Why would I go anywhere with you. You gonna try and kill me again or something?"

"I promised not to, remember? Now come with me." He grabbed my hand and dragged me to his room, closing the door behind us and locking it. First of all, that's creepy. Second of all he could've given me a chance to walk without him dragging me along like I'm some child.

"What do you want, Erik?" I asked as I crossed my arms over my chest.

"I want to apologize. For being an ass. And for anything else I might have done that caused you pain. Will you forgive me?" He said. His words were rushed, he stumbled a little and he seemed out of breath. He must not be used to having to apologize for his actions. Typical.

I stared at him for a moment, switching my focus between his eyes before speaking. "Well I'm not going to say that I forgive you, but I'm glad that you decided to apologize. What made you want to do that?"

"Charles helped me see something that I couldn't see before. Although there's something I need to do to prove his theory."

"And what's that? Be nice to everyone for a day? Well good luck with that because the day that you're nice to people is the day that hell freezes over." 

"Has anyone ever told you that you make things extremely difficult?" Erik asked as he looked down at you. Why did he have to be so tall? 

"No, but then again I've never had to work with someone as stubborn as you."

"Oh I'm the stubborn one? Aren't you the one who refused to leave a bar until the bartender apologized for calling you that horrid word? Then when he finally did mutter out a half assed apology, you still wouldn't leave? Or am I just remembering things incorrectly?" Erik stated, his smile growing bigger at each sentence. I chuckled and shook my head.

"You see, that was different. He called us both slurs, and I wasn't just going to let him get away with that. Plus you know you enjoyed it, you sat there laughing the whole time." I said as I poked him in his chest. 

"I always did love the way you would stand up for what you thought was right." 

"Oh, so you don't hate me? Well there's a shock. You are full of surprises today, aren't you?"

"Why would I hate you? You're the closest thing to a friend I have at the moment."

"If I'm the closest thing you have to a friend, you seriously need to work on your social skills."

"Yeah, Charles said the same thing. Just a lot more complicated, honestly I stopped listening about a minute in. He tends to take the long way of explaining things."

"I think he's just excited to be with other people. He's been alone in this big house with only one other person to talk to. I'd be happy to be around other people too."

"That's fair. So what have you been up to since the last time we talked?" Erik asked as he sat down on the bed, patting the spot next to him. I sat down and smiled at him.

"You mean since the last time you tried to kill me? Nothing much really. As you see I moved to Atlanta, and I was working at a coffee/book shop. Sometimes I babysit the owner's kids while she goes away for work, and when I'm not at work, I volunteer at the orphanage. Pretty boring stuff if you ask me. How about you? Still chasing after Shaw?" I ask as I look up at him. 

"Of course, he has to pay for what he's done. This is the closest I've gotten to catching him."

"I understand. But what are you gonna do once you finally kill him? Are you gonna move away again?"

"No, I don't think I will. I think I might stay here and help Charles with his plan- even though it sounds utterly insane."

"What plan?" 

"He wants to turn this place into a school for people like us- his preferred term is mutant. He wants to help other people in the way that we never had help."

"That's actually very kind of him." Charles does seem like the kind of guy to put others before himself.

"Yeah, I guess. You should stay too, you've always been more of a people person than I."

"Maybe I will. It'd give me more time to annoy the hell out of you." I said as I nudged his shoulder. He chuckled and nudged me back.

"It's getting late, you should head to bed. It's been a long day." Erik said as he helped me off the bed.

"Yeah, I am getting pretty tired. Thanks for the trip down memory lane."

"Any time. Goodnight (Y/N)." He leaned down and gave me a quick peck on the cheek. I smiled and waved as I walked away, in search of my new room. Maybe Erik Lehnsherr does have a heart under all those steel walls after all.

[hairringtonsteve]

v. ashes to ashes. [quixotic]

[steve harrington x reader (female)]

series summary: everyone that knew the truth about hawkins lab thought it was over, that it was all over. they thought that the fighting was over, the bad men were gone. the portal was closed. people were safe. you, however, you knew the truth. things were far from over. and they were coming fast.

word count: 5,913 words

a/n: ... hi. it’s been over a year. life is hard, guys, but i’m back. and i’m writing, albeit slowly. was it a good idea to be determined to finish this while also starting a master’s? probably not. but i’d rather write about this than study media theory, so we’ll use it. also please come say hi? i’ve missed you guys.

tw: language, gore, minor ptsd.

master list | chapter list

*****

You were twelve years old when Doctor Arayed brought some snotty five-year-old into the lab. She’d been crying so hard her face was red and her breathing was raspy, her eyes darting around the lab as she tried to take everything in.

“This is number Eighteen,” Doctor Arayed said, calling your attention from where you were hooked up to an IV drip. Your gaze lingered on the kid before looking back at  her with a raised brow.  “She’ll be joining your block.”

You had nodded, remaining silent. They’d been bringing more and more kids into the lab, but no one would tell anyone why. All you knew was that they weren’t bringing just babies in anymore, but older kids too, heads freshly shaved and thick, black numbers behind their ears. The kid looked to the right and you could see it.

018.

“Watch her while I have to step out, please.” You nodded once more, waiting until she left the room to say anything.

“Don’t touch anything. They don’t like it when you touch shit.” The corner of your mouth curled up at the word. Alex had taught it to you the other day when you’d both been stuck waiting in the hallway to go through some tests. He’d whispered it to you, grinning at you conspiratorially as he’d warned you not to use it in front of the doctors.

Eighteen didn’t say anything, instead opting to bring her thumb up to her mouth to suck on it. You watched her, that small kid standing in the middle of all of the medical equipment, and something in your chest had twitched. She needed someone to look after her, just like Alex had looked after you.

It had hurt when she decided to not go with you, Tee, and Seb after everyone had escaped the lab. But she had been right, saying that the older ones needed to split up to look after the younger ones — even if she was only twelve.

It hurt more when your eyes had honed in on the blood-splattered 018 amidst the bodies.

They were everywhere. You’d been in shock, staring at the amount. Teeth marks littered them, the familiar rows upon rows upon rows of sharp teeth. You could almost hear the snarling and the growling of the monsters, just like that night in the lab. But this was worse. This was so much worse. You didn’t know what to do. Your gaze flickered over them, unable to stop. You couldn’t recognize them, but you knew. You knew what happened.

The next was a blur of stumbling down the steps, feeling the blood stick to your skin and clothes. You had just enough good sense to look around as you hit the ground floor. You couldn’t go outside, couldn’t let them see. The kids couldn’t know. Your head jerked around, finally settling on another door opposite the one you’d come in through. You darted over to it, ignoring how your right food skidded from the pool of blood — there were bodies in the corner you couldn’t look at them — and slammed your shoulder into the door to shove it open.

The sun was too bright. You looked down to avert your eyes and the blood was too red on your clothes, your skin. You could feel the vomit rising up within you. You leaned over, heaving the half-digested diner food onto the ground.

“El?” You heard Steve call. You’d forgotten to try to keep yourself quiet while puking. Great. “El, you good?”

You opened your mouth to respond, but a sob slipped out. You clapped your hand over your mouth only to belatedly remember that it was covered in blood.

You puked again.

A few seconds later you could hear footsteps in the gravel around the side of the warehouse. You hoped beyond all hopes that it wasn’t Tee or Seb. They couldn’t see you like this.

“El? Jesus, holy shit.” You looked up to see Steve staring at you as he’d rounded the corner, wide-eyed and panicky. He opened his mouth to yell but you gave a sharp jerk of your head.

“Don’t,” you croaked out. Another sob ripped its way from your thought. Steve took a step closer.

“I told Tee to watch over Seb. They won’t come over.”

Distantly, you appreciated that. Tee wouldn’t risk Seb witnessing stuff just to satisfy her own curiosity. She was good that way.

You stared at Steve. The blood was dripping from your clothes to the ground. Steve took another step closer. And then another. And another until he was within arm’s reach of you. He stared at you silently before he started tugging off his sweater.

“What are you—”

“You need out of those clothes. I’ve got a t-shirt on under this.” He pulled it over his head and used his free hand to cover his eyes. “At least switch shirts, okay?” His voice was soft like he was talking to a wounded animal. You swallowed and started to shake your head. “El, you need to change your shirt. You’ll freak out the kids if you keep it on.”

With a shaky breath, you nodded. He stood there, hand clapped over his eyes while you tugged your shirt over your head. You held your breath to keep the metallic stink of the blood out of your nose. Your eyes were squeezed shut so you wouldn’t get anything in them. The warm, muggy air hit your bare skin. You were bare, exposed despite the fact that you still had a bra on. You reached for his sweater, your fingers brushing his as you grasped the dark green fabric. You put it on, your hands shaking hard enough that it took you a little longer than normal.

Dead. They were all dead.

The realization slammed into you as you pulled the sweater over your head. The second it was situated on your body, you let out a choked whimper. Steve’s hand dropped from his face and he stepped forward, his arms wrapping around you. Instinctively you shoved him away, the sheer discomfort of being restrained briefly overriding your need to be soothed. He let his arms drop, but didn’t step away. You were trembling as you clapped a hand over your mouth so Tee and Seb wouldn’t hear.

“It’s okay to cry, El.” The words fell out of Steve’s mouth so soft that you almost didn’t catch them. But you did, and when they registered, you sat on the ground and drew your knees to your chest. You pressed your face between your knees and started to sob violently. Steve sat down beside you, leaving a good six inches between you. It was hard to tell how long it had been before you quietly heard him ask if he could touch you.

Eventually, you nodded.

He was slow in his movements as he scooted towards you. His side was pressed against yours, warm and solid, almost grounding in a way. He draped his arm around your shoulders, tugging you into him light enough that you could resist if you wanted. But you didn’t. You leaned into him a little as you cried and cried and cried. It wasn’t fair. None of this was fair. They were all dead and you were left alone to keep Tee and Seb alive. You couldn’t do this.

Time didn’t exist while you were crying. But it wasn’t until your cries had lessened just a touch when you heard footsteps pounding against the gravel. Both you and Steve jumped to your feet as you braced yourself for a threat. Instead, it was Tee who came around the corner, eyes wide.

“There are two SUVs coming down the road, they’re —” Her voice cut off as she eyed you up. While there wasn’t blood on Steve’s shirt, it was everywhere else. Your hands, your face, your jeans, your sneakers. “What happened?”

You were shaking your head before she even started asking the question. “We need to get Seb. Now.”

The three of you started towards the corner. You reached it first and forced yourself to a stop when you saw two looming bodies at the far end of the building. Jerking out your arm, you kept Tee from being seen as she was clotheslined. “Back, back, back.” You hissed.

The three of you backtracked. You glanced around, trying to find a place to hide. Surrounding the warehouse was nothing but sparse weeds. Your stomach roiled at the thought of going back in there, but you didn’t have a choice. You nodded your head through the door you’d forced open earlier. The other two nodded, Steve motioning for you to lead the way.

It was hard for your eyes to adjust to the darkness as you stepped inside, keeping low and pressed against the wall. As far as you could tell, no one had made it inside yet. After your eyes had adjust, you looked around and saw some weird looking machinery a few feet away. You pressed two fingers together and motioned them towards the machinery.

Thankfully, the blood splatters weren’t as bad on that side of the building.

The three of you made it to the machines. The smell was vile. There were four bodies — all adult men, from the looks of what was left — torn to shreds. Blood was pooled everywhere, as were various organs. Behind you, you could hear Steve gag.

From across the warehouse, you heard the squeaking of the door, the one you’d first entered. Your eyes went wide as more and more light filtered into the warehouse. Panic filled your veins. A tap on your shoulder got you to turn towards Tee, who was motioning towards one of the machines. It was up a little higher than the others, space just enough to crawl underneath.

“You two hide under there,” Steve hissed. “I’ll find someplace else.”

Without waiting, Tee slid under the machine first. You followed her, trying to ignore the feeling of blood sliding down the back of your body. The two of you got situated and then you asked, “Where’s Seb?”

“I don’t know, I told him to go hide.”

“Tee,” you hissed.

“I needed to go get you,” she whispered, her voice hard. “He’s smart. He’s a good hider.”

You opened your mouth to respond when another voice chimed in from across the warehouse. Your blood ran cold.

“The car outside, who does that belong to?”

You could feel Tee stiffen beside you.

“According to our files, Doctor Brenner, it looks as though it belongs to a resident of Hawkins, Indiana, sir.”

You shut your eyes as you tried to hold back the bile that was rising in your throat. He wasn’t there, he couldn’t be there, couldn’t be that close. Not again. Not again. Images from your time at the lab flickered through your imagination. Memories of being strapped down to tables, being injected with things that made your body hurt and made you scream until your throat was raw. Of straining your abilities until the blood was dripping down your face. Of the isolated horror that shot through your very core as you repeated the words that Brenner had told you to tell the man while using your powers. Of the man in question taking the knife and plunging it into his stomach, repeatedly. Of the sleepless nights while you were helpless to stop those images from racing across the backs of your eyes.

“Was there confirmed contact between the escapees and the Hawkins sheriff?”

There was a pause. “Yes, sir.”

“Send a team out to Hawkins to handle the situation. Have the rest sweep the area.” All that you could hear were the footsteps of what sounded to be a few people leaving the warehouse. You let your eyes drift shut as you reached out with your awareness, trying to pick up on anything. A little bit of blood trickled out of your nose as you pushed yourself just enough. There was still someone in the warehouse. Maybe you could slip behind them, convince them to leave, just long enough for the three of you to find better hiding spots. You turned your head slightly towards Tee so you could whisper to her what you were going to say when you heard it.

A scream.

You knew that scream.

Without thinking, you used your feet to scoot yourself from underneath the machine. Distantly, you could hear Tee doing the same. There was blood dripping from you as you stood up, but you didn’t care. You didn’t even register the stink of death at that point. You started to run, your feet pounding on the concrete floor as fast as they could go while the screaming continued and got more hysterical. There was someone near the door, blocking your route to a terrified and screaming Seb. You spotted a shard of glass near the man’s feet. As you grew closer, he turned around. You stopped running. Your eyes locked with his. Blood poured out of your nose. For a split second, you hated yourself for what you were about to do. You pushed out with your mind as you spoke, pouring all of your focus into what you were saying.

“Take that piece of glass and slit your throat.”

There was a pause — you imagined it like a fog drifting over a person’s brain as the order took hold — and then his movements grew stiff. He bent down, picked up the piece of glass, and dragged it across the skin of his neck. Blood trickled out as he began to stagger back, just enough space for you to get by him. You darted past him into the bright sunlight. It was so bright it hurt.

“Let me GO!” The shriek came from your left. You turned to see two men trying to drag Seb along the ground, the dust flying up as the kid kicked his legs. Another two men came from around the back of the building, followed by a third with white hair. The sight of Brenner made you freeze. Hearing him was one thing, but seeing him was entirely different. He looked older, even from a distance. Instead of the imposing figure that he’d been in the lab back in Montauk, he looked weary. His eyes widened at the sight of you. You could still hear his voice from that first meeting years ago, imploring you to call him Papa. The same feeling of fear and disgust that had turned your stomach sour back then was rising up once more.

From behind you, you heard another scream. But this time, it wasn’t the terrified scream of a child being dragged away from his family. No, this was worse. It was anguished, a kind of howling reserved for deep, incomprehensible amounts of pain. A long shriek of ‘NO’ came from the warehouse.

Tee.

You knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that she’d found them. The bodies. Your family. The kids that had been your brothers and sisters. You watched as the agents and Seb came to a standstill, staring at something behind you. You turned around and watched as Tee stood in the doorway. Her eyes were wide and wild as she lifted up a hand. Her hand was red, the blood dripping onto the gravel. A small line of red trickled from her nose as she started to scream.

Looking around, panic filled your chest as you dove to the left, scrambling to get behind Steve’s car. Gravel dug into the palms of your hands as you tried to keep your balance. A blast of heat and power erupted from Tee’s general direction. While you were saved from the brunt of it, it still lifted you up from your feet and propelled you forward. Pain ricocheted through your body as it slammed into the ground. You laid there, wincing. And then the screams started.

It took all that you had within you to shove yourself to standing. You swayed as you whipped your head to where the agents had been holding Seb. The movement made your vision a little blurry. Even with your vision skewed, you could make out the flaming bodies of the agents thrashing around on the ground. Their screams were desperate. The sounds of grown men begging for their lives, begging for the pain to stop almost distracted you from looking for Seb. You’d have nightmares about this for years, you thought to yourself. You started to turn your head to the warehouse when you finally saw him.

Your breath caught in your throat when your gaze landed on a smaller body lying motionless near one of the vehicles. It was surrounded by two much larger bodies, both on fire. Neither were moving. There was no rational thought as you ran forward, just the same mantra screaming over and over in your head. He couldn’t be dead he couldn’t be dead he couldn’t be dead he couldn’t be

Unconscious. The word registered faintly in your mind as you saw the slightest movement in his chest. He was breathing, but barely. Flames licked at your legs as you crouched down beside him. It wasn’t the smartest move, but you had to move him. You had to get him out of there. Muscles ached as you lifted him up as gently as you could. It took everything you had within you, but step by painful step, you got him to Steve’s car. You set him down on the gravel, eyes raking across his form as you tried to gauge how bad it was. He chest was barely moving as he breathed. He reminded you of a frail bird that had fallen from its nest.

Footsteps crunched the gravel behind you. You turned around, eyes wide as Brenner stood a few feet away from you. There were smaller cuts on his face, but he’d missed the worst of the blast. He looked at you, unreadable.

“He’s not going to make it without my help.”

“Just stop.” Your voice cracked as you spoke.

“Moving him to the car made him worse. He needs medical help.”

You could tell him what to do. You could tell him to kill himself, just like the agent from earlier. You could tell him to keep walking and never stop. You could end things right then and there. You risked a glance back to Seb. His breathing was getting more shallow by the second.

“He’s going to die and it’s going to be your fault.”

Your fault. Just like everyone else’s deaths at the lab were your fault. Just like Vee’s death was your fault. You were the oldest. You were in charge.

Keep them safe, Alex had told you. You stared at Seb’s body. The burns looked painful.

You turned your gaze back to Brenner, eyes narrowing as he continued on. “Come now — what is it they called you in Hawkins? Elise? We both know that he’s going to die if you leave him like this.”

“He’s not—”

“He is. He’ll be dead unless I get him the help he requires. We have a facility nearby. We can save him.”

What was better, Seb being locked up again and alive or dying at five years old?

“He — he can’t — he—”

“He’ll live. We will take good care of him.” Brenner paused. “You and Fifteen could go free. We won’t go after you.”

“You’re lying.” Of course he was lying. He’d take Seb and then he’d take the both of you and then everything was for naught. They all would have died for nothing.

“What use would I have of lying? You’ve wasted my time and resources with all of this running. There’s a trail of bodies that’s growing longer with every day that you’re running. Let me save him, and I’ll let you be.”

Your heart was in your throat as you turned to look back at Seb. You’d put him through enough. He needed help. He needed help that you couldn’t give him.

“You’ll save him?” You asked, not bothering to look at Brenner. You already knew his answer.

“Of course.”

You swallowed, trying to ignore the growing lump in your throat. Seb would be safe. Seb would live. Seb wouldn’t die because of you.

“Fine. Just save him, please.”  You looked up just in time to see Brenner raise his hand in the air, motioning to an agent that looked mostly unscathed. Upon his approach, however, you could see where the flames had burned through the sleeve of his jacket. Bright red skin, raw and tight, peeked through the fabric. But he picked up Seb’s limp body without a word. With every step that he took towards the SUV, the more you wanted to scream. You managed to rip your gaze away long enough to look back to Brenner. “When he wakes up, tell him I love him?”

Brenner regarded you with a look that was almost pitying. He didn’t respond, however. Instead, he just turned on his heel and headed towards the vehicle. As you watched him walk away, your mouth opened but no sounds came out. You just tried to push out the pain and anger and helplessness as much as you could.  The overwhelming feeling of failure filled you as they placed Seb in the backseat. You stared at the back door, not taking your eyes off it as they started up the car and pulled away, dust blowing up behind them.

“El?” Steve called, sounding desperate. You shoved yourself up and started to limp towards Steve. He was crouching over Tee’s body, looking between the two of you frantically. “Where’s Seb?” He asked as you got close.

You ignored him, instead crouching down to press a hand against Tee’s forehead. She was burning up, which wasn’t surprising. “I think she’s fine. She just used up too much power and knocked herself out.”

“El, where’d they take Seb?” Steve asked. This time, his voice was quieter. He laid a hand against your shoulder. You wanted to knock it away, but you didn’t. You couldn’t muster up the energy to get annoyed. So instead you leaned into his touch a little. It wasn’t comforting, but it wasn’t the worst thing in the world either.

“I don’t know.” You looked over to him, meeting his gaze with a frown. “He was going to die if he didn’t go with them.”

“What are we going to do?”

You took in a deep breath through your nose, letting it out through your mouth as you looked back down to Tee. You tried to shove away the feelings of failure, of anger and pain and loss, in an effort to focus.

“We’re going after him.”

• • •

Steve waited until the two of you had managed to get Tee into the backseat of his car before informing you that Hopper was waiting at a motel two towns over. You scowled. He ignored it.

“Look, he figured that we’d need backup or a place to stay. And it looks like he was right on both accounts.” You slammed his car door harder than what was needed as you got in. He turned around in his seat and frowned.

“Anything else you’d like to tell me about?”

Steve shrugged. “Not that I can think of. But I’ll keep you updated if anything comes to mind.”

The rest of the ride was quiet. Tee started to wake up around fifteen minutes after the three of you had gotten on the road. When you’d heard her rustling around, you twisted in your seat to look at her. The two of you locked eyes, but she didn’t say anything. Seb wasn’t there.

She automatically knew what that meant.

When Steve turned into the parking lot of the motel, it wasn’t difficult to spot Hopper. The light of his lit cigarette flickered out from where he was leaning against the back of his car. He took it out of his mouth as Steve pulled the car into the spot next to his.

“You kids look like hell,” he said as you opened the door. You blinked, and then glanced down. You’d forgotten that you were covered in blood. “Come on in. Joyce made me grab some soap and shampoo, sent some food along too.”

“I’m not hungry,” Tee mumbled as she climbed out of the back. Hopper shrugged.

“Doesn’t matter. You need to eat something. Joyce’ll be on my ass if she found out I didn’t feed you.” He fished around in the pocket of his jacket before pulling out two room keys. He held them out to Tee, who took one and handed you the other. “You two get showered and fed. Harrington and I need to talk.”

Steve balked.

As you and Tee headed towards the room number that matched the key, you could already hear Hopper and Steve arguing.

“What the hell were you thinking?”

“That they—”

“— needed help, huh, is that it? You can’t just leave, Steve. You were putting yourself and those three in danger. And look where the hell it got you…” Tee knocked her elbow into your arm, jerking you out of eavesdropping. You blinked, noticing that the door was open.

“Let your boyfriend get yelled at. You need a shower.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” you said automatically. There wasn’t any heat behind it. Then again, there wasn’t really anything behind it. The two of you were going through the motions, ignoring the Seb-shaped elephant in the room. You grabbed the shampoo and soap that Hopper had on the table and started towards the door. You got three steps in before turning to Tee. She was staring at her shoes, snapping her fingers to create little flickers of flames. “What’re you thinking?”

She looked up to you, expressionless. “Let’s just get clean.”

You waited for a few seconds to see if she was going to crack. But she didn’t. She just grabbed the other bottle of shampoo and the bar of soap and headed towards the bathroom, shutting the door behind her.

Right. Okay then. You headed outside and into the room next to Hopper’s. Panic started to well within your chest, but you ignored it. You needed to shower. Eat something to get Hopper off your back, then come up with a plan to get Seb. There wasn’t any time to panic. You had to focus.

“Okay, shower first,” you mumbled to yourself as you kicked your shoes off. You padded to the bathroom, shutting and locking the door after you flipped the light switch. You set the soap and shampoo near the edge of the shower. You took a deep breath in. Then out. In, then out.

It was hard to get the clothes off. The blood made the fabric stick to your skin enough that you had to peel it all off. The water was freezing when you turned it on, but you didn’t care. The water would warm up eventually. The cold blast hit your back. You stood there, mind blank. The water started to turn pink and then red as it came off. It took awhile, but it started to feel like your skin could breathe again. You stuck an arm around the shower curtain to blindly reach for the shampoo. Your fingers eventually found the plastic bottle. You popped the top off and squirted some in your hand. It was thick, you noted.

Like blood.

You had to hop out of the shower fast to make it to the toilet to start dry heaving. You couldn’t turn the images in your head off. Bodies and  blood and fire and Seb and Brenner and the car driving off and the agent slitting his throat. It was hard to tell how long you were leaning against the toilet, the only thing knocking you out of your reverie was a knock at the door.

“Elise?” Steve’s voice came through the door. You blinked and looked down at your naked body. There was still blood. You hadn’t even washed your hair yet.

“I’ll be out in a minute!” You yelled. You stood up and got back in the shower.

You didn’t look when you squeezed the shampoo into your hands once more.

By the time you’d scrubbed your body clean and gotten dressed into some clothes that Hopper had conveniently left on the bed, Steve  had left a note on the table to head to Hopper’s room. You tried the door that connected the two rooms, but it was locked. Forgoing shoes, you headed out of your room and walked the five steps to Hopper’s in your bare feet. You knocked twice. Steve answered and stood in the middle of the doorway making sure that there was no way around him.

“Can you move?”

“Are you okay?” His voice was low enough that Hopper and Tee wouldn’t hear.

Were you okay? You wanted to snap, to respond that no, Steve, you weren’t fucking okay. But the longer you watched him, the more the concerned look on his face wore you down. “No,” you murmured. “I’m not.”

He hummed a little, still watching you intently. He went to open his mouth when Hopper spoke from across the room.

“Would you let her in? You’re letting all the cold air out.”

With that, Steve rolled his eyes and stepped aside. Immediately, you honed in on the plate of food that was across from Tee at the table. Waffles. You spared Hopper a glance. He raised a brow. “Eat up. You need it after the day that you’ve had.”

“Did they fill you in?” You asked as you headed to the table.

“Yeah, but I want to hear it from you.”

You nodded as you took a seat. Tee wasn’t making eye contact with you. She just stared at her food, picking at it with a fork. You grabbed one of your own and speared an entire waffle. You lifted it up to your mouth and took a bite. It tasted like ash. Your stomach churned. You sat back in your seat as you set the waffle down and fixed Hopper with a look.

“Where do you want me to begin?”

• • •

“Kid, it’s a trap.”

It took everything within you to not roll your eyes. He’d sat silent the whole time you’d recounted everything, just to state the obvious? “No shit it’s a trap. But Seb needed help. We’ll get him back.”

“We don’t know where they took him.”

“I’ll figure it out.”

Hopper ran a hand over his face and sighed. “You can’t just run off without a plan. That’s not how this works.”

“Look, I’m getting him back.” You looked over to Tee. “We’re going to get him back,” you said. You turned back to Hopper and crossed your arms. “You can either help us or leave.”

“Christ, kid. I’m not saying we’re going to abandon him. But we need a plan. We need to figure out where they went, figure out how to get in, how to get him out. There’s shit we need to talk about so we don’t get killed.”

“Like I said, I’ll figure it out.”

Hopper sighed. “How the hell I managed to find someone more stubborn than you, Harrington, is a miracle.”

“I don’t know, I think Dustin has the both of us beat,” Steve said. It took you a second, but then you remembered the curly-haired kid. Hopped scoffed and muttered something that sounded like goddamn kids. “How about we just head to bed for the night and figure things out, okay? We all need some sleep.” Steve turned his gaze towards you and something flipped in your stomach.

Hopper nodded towards the door that connected his room and yours. “Try to get some rest, you two.”

You glanced at Tee, who nodded and started towards the door. The night was cool as you headed outside, and you took a second to relish it. Hopper’s room had been getting stuffy, although it was hard to tell if it was from the air conditioning not working or, well,  everything else.

“Did you see Vee’s body?”

Your heart stopped. “What?”

“Did you see… did you see her body?”

You gave a brief jerk of your head. Stepping towards the door, it took you three tries to get the key into the doorknob. Your hands kept shaking. Tee didn’t notice.

“That means that she’s still alive. She’s still… we could leave her a note at the warehouse? To let her know that we’re still here and that we can go get her.” The hope in her voice was clear. Your heart twisted in your chest as you twisted the doorknob. “We’ll rescue Seb, wait for her, and then we can leave. We can finally be safe.”

The words weren’t coming out. You opened the door and stepped inside, staring at the two beds in front of you. Tee was still talking.

“... be together. We’ll be—”

“Vee’s dead, Tee.” The words left your mouth without meaning to. The secret that you’d been keeping for all that time finally out in the air. Your chest was going to rip in two. The door closed quietly behind you.

“Just because she didn’t get to the warehouse yet doesn’t mean she’s dead. Don’t be so fucking pessimistic.” Her voice was quiet, controlled.

“I’m not being pessimistic, Tee.” You turned to face her. Your voice was soft, almost like Steve’s was when he’d found you out behind the warehouse. Despite it having just been a few hours ago, it felt like days had passed. “I know she’s dead.”

“You don’t know shit.”

“She died back in the lab.” Your voice cracked as your throat got thick. Tears welled in your eyes. Tee’s jaw clenched. “I saw it.”

“You told me she went with the others.”

You took in a deep breath. “I lied.”

“No, you’re lying now. You didn’t see shit.”

“I lied in the lab so we could leave. If you knew about Vee, you wouldn’t have gone with us.”

“You’re so fucking full of it. She’s alive.” You stood there, shaking your head as Tee started shaking. “How’d she die, then, huh?”

“Tee, you don’t need to know. I’m so sorry I lied, but please don’t —”

“Just tell me.”

You took a deep breath in, ignoring the sick feeling in your stomach. “She was shot in the head point blank by one of the guards at the lab.”

Tee stared at you silently. Her eyes were glassy. Her lips parted as she opened her mouth before promptly shutting it. Without a word she turned and reached for the doorknob.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

Tee stopped, keeping her hand on the doorknob as she stared at you. It was difficult to ignore the tracks of tears that slipped down her cheeks, past her nose, and then dripped off her jaw.

“Away from you.”

“Tee, come on. Going out there isn’t —”

“Safe? You want to talk about safe? Seb’s gone. Everyone else is dead. Vee is…” She pressed her lips together as she shook her head. “I’m out of here. You’re on your own, El.”

The door slammed behind her. You stared at the dark wood, focusing on the nicks and scratches that marred it. You didn’t really notice as you sunk down onto the ground. You stared blankly ahead. Numb.

Alone.

• • •

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[spaceskam]

covered in scars i did nothing to earn

Summary: 5 times Forrest finds old scars on Alex’s body + 1 time he sees a new one

warnings: mentions of past self-harm, descriptions of violent/dangerous situations, past child abuse, sexual situations, vague mention of 2x06 but not That Thing from 2x06

.1.

Forrest quite liked the feeling of Alex’s skin.

He was scarred beyond understanding, but his skin was still soft and taken care of with only little bumps. His body hair sometimes camouflaged the little ones and Forrest had created a game with himself to find them like an Easter egg hunt when they were in bed together.

Tonight was no different as he kept his head on Alex’s shoulder and dragged his fingers through his chest hair. It was barely there, but it was enough to play optical illusions.

“Oh,” he breathed, rubbing his index finger gently into a little knot of a scar over his heart, “What’s that from?”

Alex lifted his head to look at it as if he didn’t know before letting his head all back to the pillow. Forrest kissed his arm before snuggling back into his shoulder.

“Got stabbed,” Alex said like it wasn’t a big deal. Forrest lifted his head and stared at him with furrowed eyebrows.

“You got stabbed?” he said, trying to keep the calm demeanor that Alex had, “Over your heart?”

“Yeah,” Alex yawned, his eyes settling closed, “Leather tools or whatever.”

“You got stabbed with a leather slicker?” Forrest said, eyes wide as he looked closer at the scar. It was still sort of red, newer than the rest. “When did that happen?”

Alex was quiet and Forrest wondered if he’d fallen asleep, but when he looked at his eyes, he was looking right back at him. He looked like he didn’t understand why he was asking.

“I don’t really want to talk about this,” Alex said cautiously. Forrest adjusted himself just a little, worry still heavy in his system. 

“Well, are you at least okay?” Forrest asked. Alex nodded, combing his hands through his hair.

“Yeah,” he said, “I’m fine.”

Forrest wasn’t quite sure he believed that, but he pressed a kiss over the scar and laid his head down on Alex’s chest again.

.2.

Forrest felt stupid.

He’d stopped kissed Alex the minute he got on his knees, instead finding his eyes locked on the scars lining Alex’s hip. Precise lines, all the same size and all in a row with the occasional vertical line across them. They were old, that much was clear, but they were there. He hadn’t noticed them before.

“You okay?” Alex asked, looking down at him. Forrest quickly made it look like he wasn’t staring, like he wasn’t overthinking everything Alex had told him about his childhood, like he wasn’t terrified for a boy he he’d never met.

But this was a man. He wasn’t going to bring it up and make him feel guilty for what he couldn’t change.

“Yeah,” Forrest nodded, pushing a kiss on Alex’s lower stomach, “I’m okay.”

As he settled himself between Alex’s thighs, he couldn’t help but look for similar scars. He found them, too, a row high on his inner thigh. Forrest’s stomach dropped, but he tried not to think about it as he took Alex into his mouth, doing his damnedest to make him feel good. 

But, because Forrest was notorious at self sabotage, he found himself thinking about the other people Alex had slept with in his life. Had they noticed? Alex had told him that most of them were quick fucks in dark allies, so they probably hadn’t. But Michael Guerin had seen them, surely. Had he made Alex feel okay about them? Had he comforted him? Had he gotten the entire story?

Forrest zoned out for too many seconds in a row and started actually choking to the point he fell back on his ass as he sucked in a deep breath. Alex was staring down at him with wide eyes.

“Are you okay?” Alex asked, voice sweet and full of genuine concern, “I’m sorry, did I-”

“No, you didn’t do anything, I’m just stupid,” Forrest laughed, managing a smile as he looked up at him, “I was thinking about dinner and forgot what I was doing.”

“Oh, jeez, I’m that much of a turn off?” Alex laughed, holding his hand out to help him to his feet. Forrest shook his head.

“No, I just didn’t eat much today,” Forrest lied. Alex gave an exaggerated pout.

“You should’ve said something, you wanna order pizza?” Alex suggested, pulling him in closer. Forrest rested his head on Alex’s, giving him a small kiss and loving the way he smiled against his lips. 

"Sounds good,” Forrest said. Alex smiled wider and pulled up his jeans before finding his phone. Forrest laid against his chest, letting Alex wrap his arms around him and order the pizza while he held him close without question.

Someone had to have showed Alex he was loved and needed, right? He wouldn’t be this sweet if they hadn’t.

Besides, they were old. He would be okay as long as he remembered that.

.3.

“And you’re sure you’re okay with this?”

“Stop asking me or I’ll change my mind,” Alex laughed, quickly followed by a sneeze that rocked through his whole body and a loud groan. Forrest smiled in adoration, huffing a little laugh as he scooted a little closer. 

Forrest moved closer and gently pulled Alex’s stump into his lap, giving him one last look to make sure it was okay before he slowly started massaging the scar like Alex had showed him. It was something he’d seem Alex to before, but he never stared and had never offered to help. Help, this was the first time Alex even let him touch this specific scar. It was a lot for him and it was a massive privilege. 

“So, what does this do exactly?” Forrest asked, wanting to keep the conversation going.

“Well, it’s a desensitization technique that they made me start doing before I got my prosthetic. I think I could technically stop doing it, but it helps a lot with phantom pain and on days where I don’t use my prosthetic, it keeps the scar tissue used to movement and friction, stuff like that,” Alex explained, voice nasal from his stuffy nose. Forrest smiled a little helplessly at the sound.

“Do you want me to wash it too?” Forrest offered. Alex made a face.

“I can do that when I go to brush my teeth.”

“Okay,” Forrest said, not wanting to push. Alex hummed and settled into his pillow more. He was cute when he let his guard down. Well, he was always cute, but it was infinitely more obvious on days like this when he was all soft and cuddly. He leaned down and pressed a kiss on his other leg.

“Don’t kiss me, you’re gonna get sick,” Alex scolded. Forrest laughed.

“It’s your leg, no sickness germs are going to seep out and get me sick anymore than just being around you will,” Forrest said. Alex groaned.

“I don’t want you to get sick,” Alex whined before repeating the same phrase he’d been saying since he got sick the day before, “You should go home.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Forrest insisted. Alex sighed semi-dramatically and looked up at him with the world’s sweetest eyes. 

Not for the first time, Forrest wondered just how much Alex felt his own feelings. He always seemed hardened, but his eyes betrayed him and showed just how big his heart was. Forrest kissed his leg again.

“Thank you,” Alex sighed softly, “For taking care of me.”

“Always.”

.4.

“Stupid fucking hair regulations.”

“You could always say fuck the man and grow it out all long and nice,” Forrest suggested, honestly kind of sad as Alex plugged in the clippers. He hadn’t seen Alex with regulation hair, but he knew he liked having something to put his hands through.

“Not an option, unfortunately,” Alex huffed, turning on the clippers and just taking it to his head without hesitation. Forrest visibly grimaced as the side just fell off. “Stop it, you’re making this harder.”

“I’m sorry,” Forrest sighed, sitting on the edge of the bathtub. 

“It’s okay,” Alex said, buzzing off more. He left the top a little bit longer than the sides, but it wasn’t long enough. It really felt like the end of an era. Forrest watched closely, still, and he felt his eyebrows slowly come together as he saw a visible white line on the side of his head.

“Do you have a scar on your head?” he asked bluntly. Alex looked at him through the mirror.

“Yeah.”

“How?”

Alex didn’t answer right away, touching up his hair with unmatched precision. It made Forrest wonder how young he was when he started doing that by himself. Whenever he was in the military, he always had to get someone to help. Alex didn’t.

Eventually, Alex was done and he looked like a new person. Like a soldier. Forrest had mixed feelings.

“My dad made us keep regulation cuts when we were kids,” Alex explained, “My brother didn’t use a guard. Pretty sure he didn’t do it on purpose.”

Forrest’s whole body tensed and his eyes widened, involuntarily feeling the pain of it secondhand. Alex just stared at him, unflinching and unbothered. Maybe that was why he liked his hair long. There was a doubt in him on whether his brother had deliberately cut his head open.

“You okay?” Forrest asked cautiously. Alex nodded, shrugging it off.

“Yeah, my dad gave me stitches, I’m fine.”

The worst part was he said it like it was normal.

.5.

Forrest had his arms wrapped around Alex as tight as he could with the center console between them, shushing him as he sobbed into his chest.

He wasn’t sure what set him off. They’d been fine enough, just walking around the park and holding hands and talking about getting ice cream. Something had switched in him though as they passed the playground and Alex suggested they go right then, so they went back to the car. And then on the drive to the ice cream shop, Alex broke into tears. Forrest pulled over immediately to soothe him.

He knew Alex was a bit off when he woke up that morning, so he suggested the park to give him something chill to think about it. He didn’t expect anything there would set him off. 

“It’s okay, I’ve got you,” Forrest promised, trying to breathe in sync with Alex to ground him. It took awhile, but he eventually calmed down. He didn’t let go of Forrest’s shirt.

“I’m sorry,” Alex whispered, “I didn’t mean to ruin your day.”

“You didn’t ruin anything, it’s okay. Don’t feel bad,” Forrest promised, pressing a soft kiss into the side of his head. Alex took another shaky breath, not moving from his place pressed into Forrest's chest.

Forrest thought back through all of the things Alex had subtly revealed about his childhood, trying to find a moment that could've hinted about a playground or a park being a trigger. He couldn't think of one, the closest one being his mom bringing all four of her sons to a park the day she ran off without a goodbye. But Alex never got like this when he talked about his mom.

"I'm sorry I brought you here," Forrest said, "I didn't know."

"No, it's just..." Alex said, sniffling as he sat up a little, "It's just a bad day. Could've been anything."

"But I knew that, so I'm still sorry," Forrest insisted. Alex huffed a small laugh, wiping his face dry as he sniffled again.

"You're too good to me," Alex said. Forrest shrugged and didn't say anything. He didn't feel like he was too good for Alex. In fact, he was still quite sure he wasn't good enough for him at all. "Guess I kind of owe you an explanation."

"You don't owe me anything," Forrest promised. Alex sniffled, shaking his head.

"No, I never give you an explanation, but this time I have one," Alex said, taking a deep, steadying breath. Forrest listened intently. "This, um, this was the park my dad took me when I was little when I got into trouble at school. I was, uh, super antagonistic in those years right after my mom left, I was so mad at everyone all the time. But, uh, he would take me here and every single time I could trick myself into thinking it was going to be okay. We'd walk around for an hour and we'd talk about what happened. He'd ask me why I did it, talk through it. It always seemed like it was going to end well. Then, um, then..."

"Alex," Forrest said softly, shaking his head, "You don't have to–"

"Then he told me to pick my own switch," Alex finished, breathing heavily. Forrest felt sick. "'Cause having a reason didn't excuse my actions, he said. I don't know, I just saw that tree and I just..."

"Jesus, Alex, I'm so sorry," Forrest breathed, leading him back to lay against his chest. He went willingly. He thought about Alex's body and tried to remember where scars from that might be. But Alex was six when his mom left, the chances of those having faded by now were high. And then Forrest was faced with the image of six year old Alex walking through the park, holding his dad's hand, and picking out the stick he'd get beaten with later that evening. "Fuck, I'm sorry."

"Not your fault," Alex said, "I-It's not even that big of a deal, tons of people had to do that, I'm just having a bad day."

"It doesn't matter how many people had to do that, it's still fucked. You're allowed to be upset with that no matter what kind of day it is," Forrest insisted, "I'll pick a different park next time."

Alex gave a soft laugh, "Okay."

"You still want ice cream?" he wondered. Alex sniffled and shrugged. "How about we stop by the store and I'll run in and get some and then we can eat it in bed with Buffy?"

Alex took another breath, steadier than any of the ones before.

"I'd like that."

.+1.

Forrest woke up to frantic knocking on his front door and Buffy barking.

"Who the fuck–"

He stopped speaking when he opened the door to see Michael and Kyle carrying a limp Alex between them. He didn't even ask questions as he got out of the way, letting them pull Alex inside and lay him on the coffee table. Kyle ripped open his shirt to reveal a bullet wound in his stomach. Buffy barked in concern beside them, trying to peer onto the table.

"Oh my God," he breathed, panic rocking through him as he saw his boyfriend who said he was just going a recruitment trip. That wasn't supposed to lead to this.

"Sorry, you were just the closest and we can't bring him to the hospital without Isobel because they'll ask questions," Kyle explained.

"I-I don't understand," Forrest breathed, "How did he..."

"Get shot? Because your boyfriend is determined to die a martyr," Michael said, not taking his eyes off of the wound. Forrest could barely think straight. Actually, he couldn't at all. "Can you put the dog away?"

"He'll be okay," Kyle promised, looking up at Michael as Forrest dazedly led Buffy to the bathroom, "Do your thing."

And then Forrest really was hallucinating his entire night because Michael's hand started glowing.

It was alight for a few seconds before Alex's eyes opened. Michael lunged to the side, grabbing the bag Kyle thrusted at him and vomiting in it in the same moment Alex groaned in pain.

"Forrest, come distract him, I don't have any anesthetics," Kyle instructed, gloves somehow already on his hands. Forrest was shaking and his mind was scrambled, but he obeyed and knelt by Alex's head. He held his head in his hands.

"Hey, babe, definitely would've liked a heads up," Forrest said. Alex gave a dopey smile, still sweating and clearly in pain. Forrest gave him a kiss on the forehead and stole another look at his abdomen. The wound looked fifty times better than it had before Michael did the glowy thing. He filed that away for questions to ask later.

It was when Kyle neared it with a suture needle that Forrest looked back to Alex. He tensed whenever the needle pierced him, but he just took a shallow breath to keep still. He didn't scream, didn't flinch, just breathed. Forrest found his hand and let him squeeze even if it hurt.

"You're doing great," Forrest insisted. Alex just breathed in slowly. Michael appeared beside him then, breath smelling of vomit and nail polish remover. It was the worst smell he'd ever been forced to smell.

"You really gotta stop playing hero," Michael told him.

"Says you," Alex shot back. Forrest didn't comment, just pushed his hair back and pressed another kiss to his head. "Sorry if I get blood on your new rug."

"Hush, I don't care as long as you're okay," Forrest told him. Alex nodded, taking another deep breath.

They sat there while Kyle stitched him up, Forrest kissing his head and Michael squeezing Alex's other hand. Eventually, Kyle was done.

"Can we stay here? I don't want to move him more and I need to look over him," Kyle said. Forrest nodded.

"Yeah, whatever you need, just keep him safe," Forrest said. He sat there with Alex for a few more minutes before he managed to get himself to his feet. "Gonna go get you some water, okay?"

A few shaky steps later, Forrest was grabbing three ups and filling them with water. A hand reached around him to grab his cup and Forrest followed it to Michael. He had a billion questions, but the guy was clearly having his own rough day and the questions could be saved for the morning.

"Thank you," Forrest said, "Not sure exactly what you did, but... you helped him, I think, so... Thanks."

Michael paused in the middle of downing his water, slowly pulling it away from him mouth as he looked at Forrest. He waited for whatever kind of reaction someone has when they just saved their ex-boyfriend's life and then had that person's new boyfriend kiss them.

"You're treating him right, aren't you?" Michael asked. Forrest nodded.

"I'm doing my best," Forrest said. Michael nodded curtly.

"Good. He deserves it. Keep it up, bro," he said, voice a little awkward and disjointed. He reached out a little, hesitated, and then went through with patting Forrest on the shoulder before grabbing another cup and bringing it into the kitchen. Forrest was too overwhelmed to even process that that was weird and grabbed the final cup and following him.

Forrest knelt beside Alex and helped prop his head up to help him drink. He sighed thankfully as the water got into his system.

"You know, I usually let you slide on the explanation thing, but I think I need one this time," Forrest said to him. Alex looked at him with his warm eyes and nodded, his head resting comfortably in Forrest's palm. So he didn't move it when he let Alex's head back down.

"I will," Alex said.

"At least you got another scar for the collection, much cooler story," Michael said, a lighter tone in his voice. Alex snorted a laugh but groaned at the pain it brought him. "Sorry."

"No, you're good," Alex said, "You're right."

"There is absolutely nothing cool about being shot," Kyle scoffed.

"Shut up, Dr. McDreamy, you vote doesn't count," Michael said before looking at Forrest, "You think his scars are cool, don't you, Forrest?"

Forrest blinked at him and then looked down at Alex who was looking at him expectantly. He didn't know how to say that cool wasn't the word he'd use. Tragic, maybe, a sign of his strength. Not cool. But they made him Alex, so that was something cool.

"Yeah," Forrest agreed, "Very cool."

Alex smiled and closed his eyes and Forrest officially accepted that this was his life now.

He was absolutely okay with that.

[female-overlord-3]

Bring Them Home  Ch 15 Smash

This fic is slow going with everything but going. Kept this baby as a draft until I wrote the next chapter :D

Alex, Michael, and Isobel bond and talk! Enjoy 💛

Read on AO3

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They get their 3 hours and a little bit more until Michael finally becomes the voice of reason.

"As much as I want to spend the rest of the day with you, I need to check in with Sanders and do my actual day job. Plus Izzy is nothing but greedy for all the attention on her."

Alex just gives him a look before dragging Michael back onto the bed and rolling to be on top.

"This is a once in a blue moon lazy day for me Michael. You give me another hour and then I'll be satisfied."

Their first hour was the nap after their call, Michael carrying a dozing Alex to his bed so they'd be more comfortable. The second was Michael thoroughly massaging Alex's full body after Alex does his at home PT routine. The third was them switching between kissing and talking.

Michael wouldn't mind the third hour becoming 2 straight hours of more talking and kissing. He also doesn't think he can move because Alex is pretty much the ideal weight for holding him down.

Then the small touches start. One hand moving to his neck as a thumb swipes up and down his throat slowly before it moves to sink into his curls. Fingers gently digging into his scalp as lips press randomly across his torso and above. Michael is in actual heaven as he loses time to Alex's devoting touches until his left hand cramps and he lets out a hiss from the pain.

Lifting up Alex gives him space to do whatever he needs, his face pinched in worry and flickers of guilt at seeing Michael cradle his hand.

"Do you need a heat compress or acetone for the pain?" Alex quietly asks but Michael shakes his head.

"It'll pass. Give it a minute."

Hesitantly Alex reaches for it and let's the tips of his fingertips rest ever so lightly on the ridges of the scarred skin that Michael barely feels as Alex traces it. Michael lifts his hand up to feel the pressure and warmth of Alex’s hand but Alex snatches it away.

“Doesn’t it-” Alex's voice was quiet and a bit hoarse. “I don’t want you to hurt. I was trying to-” He stops himself again with his words stuck as old guilt starts to consume him.

Sighing Michael sits up but keeps his hands to himself.

“You think we’re ready to talk about this?” He waves his left hand between them.

He gives Alex a good minute to breathe through what he’s feeling right now before slowly inching his right hand to the thigh resting next to his.

“I am but that’s cause I made peace with it a long time ago. If you’re not then we can put it on hold for another time but you didn’t do this to me, you’re not a monster or violent like him. I’m not gonna lie, it reminds me that there’s bad in the world, that it’s cruel and doesn’t care but,” His hand has traveled up and cups Alex’s cheek. “It also reminds me that there are kind people like you who somehow left me a medical kit even though I didn’t see you for a week because you were hurt too. That wanted me to get help and go to the hospital but found an alternative when I kept telling you no.”

Alex’s eyes fall closed as he leans into Michael’s hand.

“You’re lucky your antibodies are immune to human infection and diseases.” Is the only thing he can say.

“Pretty nice that my form of power boost is just 5 bucks a bottle too, though my personal brew is much better.” Michael raises his left and holds it in front of Alex. “You didn’t need to go and make us a matching set but of course you had to one-up me.”

All he gets is a soft noise from Alex who’s finally reached for his left hand, both of his cradling Michael’s like it’s precious as he brings it to his chest to lay right over his heart. The steady thump is a song he’s missed.

“You could’ve healed it but you didn’t want to. You wanted to remember the good and the bad.”

Michael snorts at that. “I mean Max only offered like once but it also would’ve become a thing if people found out. Even though I didn’t know how much your dad was actually watching us, I didn’t want to give him anymore reasons to start snooping around. Hey you think he knew before and that’s why he went psycho?"

He asks it like an actual question, one of pure curiosity because now with everything they know it might actually be true.

"Maybe but I knew regardless he'd do something to anyone I brought home. Sure it was like an open secret but I tamed it down around him, the eyeliner and punk was just the easiest way to be proud but on just the edge. It helped that he hated both."

Michael watches as Alex's face pinches again.

"Would you heal it now or like a partial one?"

Smiling Michael just rubs his thumb against Alex's chest.

"Don't know. Depends really."

He pulls Alex back down and holds him close, soaking up as much comfort and the feeling of safety, love, and peace.

Of course not 10 minutes later there's a honk and a mental nudge from Isobel.

"Nooooo." He groans and buries his face in Alex's hair.

Alex agrees and presses closer as their phones start ringing.

"How is she calling both of us!"

There's a knock at the door then the sound of intentionally loud footsteps that stop at the window of their room.

"I promised lunch."

"We could be having really kinky sex right now Iz."

"Oh that reminds me I need to find a new playmate. Alex we're going to a gay bar. I want to see if me going all obsessed over Rosa was a me thing or his and I need a wingman who gets me."

Michael makes a face and holds onto Alex tighter. He doesn’t want Alex going to any bar without him.

"In my professional opinion it might be too soon and you're technically still married but screw it let’s go have fun." Alex pauses and reconsiders his words. “Actually if anything Kyle might be more game then me. I may be out and proud but I kinda dislike people… and crowds now.”  

He gives Michael a deep but short kiss and starts to wiggle free. Michael makes a valiant attempt to keep him in bed which is funny because earlier he was trying to head out for work and be responsible. He flips them over and tries to distract Alex with more kisses and he can feel Alex starting to give in when Isobel knocks on the window.

"We still game to blow up stuff or was that just the land around the cabin? Also will someone please let me in!"

They both groan and finally scramble out of bed to put pants on. Michael turns to face where the front door is and glares at it until it opens.

“It’s open.”

“Lovely. I’ll bring my stuff in.”

Michael slips down to slide on the sleeve then prosthetic for Alex before waddling closer to wrap his arms around Alex’s waist so he can bury his face in a very warm stomach.

“No bar without me. Someone’ll snatch you up.”

The vibrations and sound of Alex’s quiet laugh is nice.

“I was being honest about not really liking bars Michael and I'm only a tiny bit better about people. Have no fear everyone will be flocking to your sister.”

Silently Michael stands before climbing into Alex’s lap and latches onto him like a koala.

“Jesus I forgot how clingy you are.” Alex teases as his hands settle on Michaels sides. “Not that I mind.” He adds.

Leaning back to face each other, Michael gives him a dramatic pout. “You’re hot stuff and people will absolutely flock to you. I can’t stop people from looking but I can at least stop them from touching.” He eyes Alex’s neck hungrily and starts to lean down but a hand in his hair stops him.

“Ah and the marking thing. You sure you’re not a vampire?”

“It won’t be like-”

The unamused look Alex is sporting just makes Michael grin smugly. “You made it go around my whole neck. You gave me an actual hickey necklace Michael and it lasted for a whole week. No hickey necklace.”

“What about like two where everyone can see?” Michael questions and his eyes stare at the perfect spot. “I’ll keep them small.”

They roll over with Alex keeping him pinned down.

“You and I have a very different idea of what small is. No hickeys or marks until we go on another date.” He kisses Michael’s cheek before rolling off and leaving to go see what Isobel’s up to.

Michael mopes and gets dressed slowly. If the hoodie he has on is unusual for him well it’s Alex’s fault for leaving it in the room. In the closet and folded up top but Michael found it so finders-keepers.

“Michael you're staying 20 minutes so you can praise me while I break stuff with my mind." Isobel eyes the sweater and frowns. "Are you having a mental breakdown? That's the only time we wear hoodies." She comments and takes a step closer, ready to bring Michael into a hug for comfort which kinda confuses him.

"Um no. I'm good Iz. Just claiming one of my rights to wear something of Alex's." Michael pauses before taking his own step forward in concern. "Are you good? I know I haven't fully been there for you with everything but if you-"

Isobel rolls her eyes at him.

"I'm a big girl. It's been…. A lot but Alex and the others have helped in their own way. I do know breaking all this stuff will feel good so come on teach me how you do it." She says as she pats his shoulder then heads to Alex's backyard, Michael quickly following her.

"You're sure?" He asks. "I know we all have a tendency to avoid actually talking about our shit so if there's anything you want to then I'm here."

The tight line of Isobel's lips hold for a few seconds before dropping as she sighs.

"I'm still mad and hurt. Also sad because I- this whole mess started with him and I was just a tool he used. I was finally starting to feel like I could be myself but even that's a lie. First it was thinking I was the one who killed everyone and that sucked but finding out the actual truth was worse." Her voice wobbles a bit before she takes a deep breath to steady it. "I know I'm not okay and we're all dealing with our own shit but for once I don't feel totally alone. I'm gonna try and be a better sister to you because you've always been there for me Michael, you carried what happened that night with you for a decade so I wouldn't have too. I've let myself follow whatever Max decided because we got to grow up together and I thought he was right, that he was protecting us and the normal life we had."

She swallows and her eyes dart away.

"And he was but that meant you were left out because you never got our type of normal. So I'm gonna work on being there for you too and making sure you're included. Now let's go break stuff."

Michael grabs onto her hand and squeezes it. Isobel squeezes back and both their eyes are a bit misty but the smiles they wear are bright.

They see Alex a couple yards out, placing items from the box Isobel brought around his open backyard.

“Whatever you break you also clean up so I would suggest a tarp or something.”

Michael swaggers over and latches onto his side, nuzzling into his neck.

"Of course gotta keep the place clean. I'll go grab one." He leans to take a sip from Alex's milkshakes but it's moved away.

"You hate mint."

Michael blinks at him and can't help how big his smile turns.

"I don't mind it when it's from you." His eyes land on Alex's lips in an obvious request.

Michael's curls slap him in the face.

"Ow Iz why!"

"What? I'm just practicing my power." Her sickly sweet voice and eyelashes fluttering says anything but.

Michael rolls his eyes and pecks Alex's check. "You get thirty minutes and then I have to head to Sanders."

A hand slides into the back pocket of his jeans and he's pulled closer to Alex's side.

"Whatever you don't break or wanna leave to burn will be our bonding time."

Isobel's eyes light up at the offer.

"You really weren't lying about getting to explode shit! Like actual explosives?" She grabs onto Alex slowly and starts tugging him back to the house so he can show her.

Michael doesn't let go and they all walk back inside relatively easy for the three of them latched onto each other.

"More like I have the basic materials needed to make bombs which you would be surprised on how easy they are to make." Alex comments as Michael gives an understanding nod.

"Though I do have some minor explosives that are probably closer to fireworks which are easier to clean up after and that can easily be stated as such."

Alex slips out of their arms and goes to the small closet hidden behind the bathroom, the three of them bring all the goods to the living room.

"Does this mean I can use you as an excuse to come here instead of my mother's Fourth of July barbeque? I'm always stuck talking about nothing and everyone keeps expecting me to be pregnant. Do I look like mother material to you?"

She's settled in Michael's lap as they hold each other comfortably. Michael rests his head on her shoulder as he chuckles.

"Hmmm you're more Aunt material. You'd spoil my future kids rotten but also make sure they know how to talk circles around people the second they learn how."

"Their first words will be aunt Izzy or some variation of that. I'm not picky."

Her tone is casual but her eyes don't leave Alex who's gone quiet.

"I'm not saying a hard no to possibly being a surrogate but in a few years ask me again. I'll be back, just need to use the bathroom." She glides off of Michael's lap and out the door.

Michael doesn't pay her any mind and flops back to lay back on the bed.

The thought of having kids have been an off and on thing for him. Sometimes he doesn't because he's not even human and not the stablest person, being in the system didn't do him any favors. There's so much entailed with it that if he ever did he's worried the poor kid will turn out worse than him, that Michael won't have or be able to provide what they'll need. Then there are days he'd love to be that parent for someone who needs it, to be who he needed as a kid. Save at least one kid from a bad situation. Have the type of family he's sometimes let himself dream and barely hope for.

Sometimes it's just him raising a kid alone but other times Alex is there too, both of them sharing the love they have with someone else who might need it. Alex would never be like his father and would give their kid everything they needed no matter what but also make sure they have boundaries and morals and good life lessons.

"Would you want kids Alex?"

Michael voices once he's brought back to the present.

Just because he wants kids doesn't mean he needs them. He knows better than anyone that you gotta be committed and ready for that type of responsibility.

There's always the future but for right now he just wants to get his mom and people free, to deal with Noah, and to be with Alex.

"In another life… yes but I'm not sure about this one." Alex gets this nervous look on his face before sighing. "I'd have to think about it."

That's pretty much on par what Michael knew he'd say.

"Do you- I mean obviously you do but I'm not-"

Michael uses his powers to tug Alex to him. He takes Alex's hands and gives a light squeeze.

"I do but not now or for a while. I want to get my mom out and deal with the insanity of our lives first then enjoy being with you. I would like them in the far far future but I don't need them. I'm not letting some punk take all your attention until I've gotten my fill."

Alex clings to him and nods.

"Okay."

"As of now I love you and my meddling sister. You can come back in Isobel."

She walks in stubbornly with her head held high.

"I didn't mean to bring up future kids. You did that all on your own Michael and I'm sure you'll both be amazing uncles when Max and Liz figure their shit out. Max will finally have a reason to quit the force and stay at home to write like he's always wanted while Liz works on saving the world and all that jazz."

She grabs all the explosives quickly and carefully to do something with her hands.

“I mean who wouldn’t want an adorable hybrid of me though right, the world would all but perish under our reign. I’m sure i’d be a good mom though… with time and everyone else’s kids as a trial but like you guys said, now is a horrible time.” Her voice lowers to something almost hushed. “I’m sure plenty of kids need a home once i’m ready so all we need to do now is learn and be as prepared as possible.”

Michael smiles fondly at her as he stands and wraps an arm around her waist, pressing his forehead to the side of her neck.

“There’d be nothing stopping you once you decide your ready Isobel.”

Alex leans into her other side and they all just take a moment to breathe together.

“When we’re ready.” Alex voices with hope and it brings a smile to all their faces. “Does that mean we’re ready to go blow stuff up now?”

That gets a laugh.

“Come on all this emotional talk is ruining the mood. I’m ready to see how much control I need to learn to beat Michael!”

The three proceed to smash, break, and explode the contents of Isobel's boxes while enjoying their lunch.

Isobel is a bit shocked and proud of how much control Michael has on his power. A bit jealous too but she’s only just started. She finds it sickeningly sweet how awed Alex looks when he looks at Michael but the kind one he gives her makes up for it.

“How did I not see it?” She asks them. Her tone is light with wonder. That she never saw how much love just poured from them. It’s been a decade and she’s only finding out now.

Both Alex and Michael sigh but there’s less of a haunted look in their eyes.

“Shit timing and even worse communication.” Michael voices and then he’s at Alex’s side. “It’s hard to have something when everything’s going against you.”

Alex nods with his face set in a hard look before it clears.

“We kept it to ourselves cause it was safer but now there’s less bullshit to fight against.”

Isobel hurts from even the idea of what they’ve been through, the flashes she’s gotten from Alex flickering before she lets it all go.

“Well you’ve got someone else on your side.” she stands tall again, stronger and more solid with this certain topic worked through. "I'd happily melt anyone who's brain keeps giving you guys trouble. I'm sure I can make it look like an aneurysm."

She’s trying to be reassuring but the pained and overwhelmed look on Michael's face makes her feel unsure, like she's miss stepped somewhere.

It's only when Michael launches at her and holds her in a crushing hug, that his mind is so loud it's screaming at her by being in contact, that she understands.

Michael's always been so strong and never truly had anyone who he felt he could rely on, to truly rely on. Alex probably now with everything known but not really anyone else and that hurts Isobel all over again.

They should've been united from the start. They should've been together, able to rely and trust each other without doubt.

She holds on tight to him and lets out a sigh when Michael’s mind quiets, Alex’s presence closer being the obvious reason why.

Isobel is going to have a talk with Max about Alex and about Michael. Alex is right that they need to all work together to figure this mess out.

[adiwriting]

3, 5, 14, 23, 24, 38!

3. Are there any fics that inspired you to write what you do?

This is a great question. I will say that one of the very first fics I ever ready WAY back in the day... And I mean I was 12 so... take what I’m about to say with a grain of salt- was a NSYNC fan fic that focused a lot more on trauma and personal growth than it did on romance and that story has always stuck with me to this day. So I think that when I’m approaching a fic, I try and make sure that my characters all have their own personal journeys they are on and that the romance is a secondary piece. That being said, I certainly write fluff still that centers romance. 

As for fics that have inspired me currently? I would go back to The Infinite Love series by @realityisoverrated-fic. Though I’m not writing in the Arrow fandom anymore, the way that those fics were all built in one shared universe that tells such in depth stories has stuck with me. It’s the main reason why I’ve fallen in love with the idea of writing a series of one-shots rather than primarily multi-chapter fics. There’s a freedom as a writer to writing the stories that demand being told in the moment, but having a verse that you can go back to and fill in missing moments as the inspiration strikes. 

I’ve read a lot of good RNM fic recently that has helped me broaden my view of who the characters are and the possibilities for writing, but I don’t have a running list right now of fics. 

5. What are your fanfic pet peeves? Do they have a huge effect on whether or not you decide to read something?

I don’t like fics that bash characters, especially if one of those characters is the main relationship lead. I believe that characters should be allowed to make mistakes and deal with the consequences of their actions, absolutely. I like exploring in fics the consequences for bad decisions that canon rarely allows characters to experience. But I believe that the human condition means that we are all at fault in some way for the state of our relationships... and unless somebody is truly an abusive asshole *cough*Jesse*cough, then they have genuine reasons for making the bad decisions they make that should be acknowledged. If I open up a fic and it’s clear the author is going to spend the entire word count shitting on one of the characters, I X out real fast. I can see enough of that on my dash in various episode reactions and metas. 

14. Do you have a personal word minimum that you hold yourself too? Why or why not?

I am a wordy bitch most of the time so word count minimums are rarely an issue. But I do often defer to the idea that if a drabble I write is under 1k, then I usually stick it on Tumblr and don’t bother posting it to AO3. I’m not sure why that became my rule, but it did. 

23. What’s your absolute favorite trope to write?

I’m not sure what you would label this- but I absolutely LOVE writing fics in which a couple breaks up, usually because one or both of the characters have internal issues that present themselves in unhealthy ways, ergo- breakup. But the characters spend a significant period of time apart, changing and growing as people, and in the end find their way back together- affirming that what they shared, really was true love. 

I think that a lot of characters I gravitate towards and write tend to be the kind of people who push others away when they are hurting (Blaine Anderson, Kurt Hummel, Oliver Queen, Alex Manes, Michael Guerin - both OG and RNM), and it’s nice to see those characters deal with the consequences of that action, grow as people, and find that love again. 

24. What’s a trope that you’d like to never hear about as long as you live, let alone write?

Haha. I honestly don’t know. Most tropes that I tend to avoid, I’ve seen done really well... so I’m of the “never say never” camp. That being said, I tend not to read a lot of AUs that drastically change who the characters are as people. For example, an AU where Alex and Michael went to UNM together after high school, but Michael is still an alien- cool! An AU where Michael isn’t an alien at all and didn’t grow up in Roswell? I likely won’t read it unless its written by a trusted author or is highly recommended to me. I felt the same way when I was reading more Arrow, and they didn’t make Oliver Queen a vigilante. 

I respect AUs and I don’t avoid them because I think they are gross or anything... I just gravitate towards a show often because of the premise and the characters combined, and if a fic drifts too far away from that, I’m not as drawn to it. 

38. What does your writing process look like? How chaotic is it on a scale of 1 (very tame) to 10 (you can’t handle this kind of chaos)?

It’s probably a solid 8. I have 3 documents up right now of the exact same scene written three different times, three different ways. I hate all of them, but I love them all enough to refuse to erase my words. When I first start writing, I often let a stream of consciousness out that gets me a lot of dialogue and little else. Here’s an example that not a single person asked for: 

Draft: 

Michael. Guitar. Truck. He’s hiding away from people. Isobel is being weird. DESCRIBE THIS. 

He’s been playing music more. Growing more comfortable with the various chords and stuff. HE CAN’T HEAR BUT HE FEELS THE MUSIC IN HIS BONES (VIBRATIONS) WEREWEWERWEREW. Write more shit here. Set the mood. Make sure he’s feeling broody so that when Alex comes we feel the change in him. 

He’s got his eyes closed and is enjoying the warmth of the sun (TALK ABOUT THE COLD SO WHEN THE ENERGY IS WARM WE FEEL IT). 

Suddenly, his eyes fly open as he looks up at Alex, who looks pissed off. <--HE DOESN’T KNOW HIS NAME. FIX THIS LATER. 

Despite not knowing Alex, Michael feels safe. 

"you can’t just steal instruments out of the music room, this is mine,” Alex says (GLOSS THIS, HE’S SIGNING). 

Michael nearly falls out of his truck in shock. 

Compare that to... 

Finished: 

(From Sanctuary) 

Michael is sitting on his tailgate with the same borrowed guitar, strumming out a melody and enjoying the way the vibrations move through him, calming his nerves. It’s his new favorite activity. He parks behind the bleachers, away from the rest of the world. With Isobel being weird the last few weeks and Michael getting mentally prepared for the transition to college, he’s started taking more time alone for himself. He’s been playing music more. 

He’s growing more comfortable with the various chords and switching between them with each passing day. He can’t hear to know if he’s any good, but he can feel the music in his bones. It gives him something to focus on that isn’t worrying over Isobel’s reaction when she’d found out about UNM. Or stressing about if Max will be alright on his own when he leaves to travel the world. Or obsessing about the piece of spaceship he’s still carrying around in his pocket. Or his insecurity over if he’s going to be able to handle life outside of the safe cocoon he’s built for himself in Roswell. 

His mind is chaos. Never ending, relentless chaos. And he has no compass. No clear direction to tell him the decisions he’s making are the right ones. He has no answers. But when he plays music, something settles within him. He can focus on the vibrations and everything else quiets. 

He’s got his eyes closed and is enjoying the warmth of the sun on his face after a freezing night spent sleeping in the desert. He’s playing the latest melody he’s learned when the guitar is ripped out of his hands. His eyes fly open and he looks up at a boy standing in front of him, looking pissed off. 

Michael would worry. He would get defensive. But he doesn’t get the sense that there’s a reason to. Michael knows violent people. He’s been around them his entire life to be able to read the body language of a person who’s about to hurt him. This boy doesn’t hold himself in a way that makes Michael feel threatened. In fact, Michael trusts him. Despite not knowing him, he has the strong feeling that he should have faith in this kid. 

Though they’ve never talked, Michael recognizes him. He’s Liz Ortecho’s friend. He’s seen him plenty of times in passing. He’s seen him coming out of his classroom a few times this year after lunch. His teacher hadn’t told Michael his name, but she had told him that she was helping him with a project. 

YOU CAN’T JUST STEAL INSTRUMENTS OUT OF THE MUSIC ROOM. THIS IS MINE, the boy signs and Michael nearly falls out of the truck in shock. 

[pastelwitchling]

Malex one-shot Angst/Fluff Prompt List #9 (Prompt #22)

22. “You’re burning up.”

***

               Kyle heard Alex’s cough before he even entered the room. He looked up from the table where he was searching through his father’s pictures, the giant computer screens illuminated behind him, lighting the bunker.

               “Why’re the lights off?” Michael asked as he walked in, irritated, Alex right behind him.

He turned a switch, and the bunker suddenly flooded with light. Kyle winced, and looked up to see Alex rubbing his eyes.

He held his pictures up, barely throwing Michael a glance before his gaze focused on Alex who settled on the opposite end of the table, his brows furrowed, his eyes closed. “Lost track of time. Alex, you okay?”

Before Alex could say anything, Michael took the seat beside him, his hand on the back of his head, running his fingers through his hair. “He’s fine.”

Kyle glared at Michael, and watched as Alex moved his head away from his touch, leaving Michael to stare at him with a mixture of guilt and misery on his face.

“I’m sorry,” Kyle said. “I’m pretty sure I was talking to Alex.”

Michael tapped his finger on the desk, sticking his tongue in his cheek, but Kyle ignored him and asked Alex, who had begun coughing again, if he was okay.

Alex waved it off, and said, “What’ve you been doing anyway?”

“You even sound sick.”

“Kyle,” he sighed. “I’m too tired to argue with you, just answer my question.”

Kyle pressed his lips together, his eyes falling back down to the pictures in front of him. “Since Rosa and Max turned out okay, I thought it would be nice to find something of my dad’s to give Rosa. Something from her… from her father, you know?”

Alex pouted, reaching forward to take a picture Kyle had slid across the table. It was the first Kyle had ever seen, of his father holding Rosa as a baby in his arms. He knew it wasn’t much, but the idea of talking to Rosa about this – talking to Rosa about anything, in fact – left a cold feeling in his stomach. He stole quick glances at Alex who had reached out for more pictures and was now looking through them with a small smile.

Before he could give it too much thought, he blurted, “Alex.”

“Hm?”

He swallowed. “You’d uh… you’d come with me if I asked you to, wouldn’t you?”

Both Michael and Alex looked up, and Michael’s eyes darkened.

Alex opened his mouth, but before he could answer, Michael again cut in, “Go with you where?”

Kyle ignored him and focused his gaze on Alex, trying very hard to push the warmth spreading up his neck back down. “You were one of Rosa’s best friends, and me – she didn’t really like me.”

“Gee, I wonder why,” Michael said, his voice raising. He seemed to already know where Kyle was going with this, and he didn’t like it.

“I just think,” he continued calmly, “it would be easier for her to accept this stuff if there was a friendly face. You know, for support.”

Michael scoffed, and he looked to the ceiling as if Kyle had asked Alex to bring him the moon. Kyle clenched his jaw, trying not to think of how stupid the request had sounded, or how far down his heart would sink when Alex would awkwardly tell him that it wasn’t his place, or that he wasn’t really too fond of Kyle either, or –

“Sure.”

“What?” both he and Michael said at the same time.

Alex tugged his jacket closer around his shoulders, and sniffed, his eyes half-lidded. “Sure,” he repeated. “Makes sense to me.”

“No, it doesn’t, Alex,” Michael reasoned. “It sounds like a stupid excuse to go out with you!”

Alex rolled his eyes, though even that action seemed to cause him a headache, and he groaned, holding his head in his hands.

“Okay, that’s it,” Kyle stood, and in a few steps was by Alex’s side. He reached a hand out to touch his forehead, but his wrist was suddenly caught. As he looked up, he saw Michael fuming.

“I said he was fine.”

“I’m a doctor, Guerin,” Kyle said.

“Yes, as you love to keep reminding everyone.”

“I think I would know more about this than you.”

“Guys, stop, you’re making it worse!” Alex said, then went into a fit of violent coughs. Michael released Kyle and stood at Alex’s side, his arms outstretched, trying to hold him, but Alex weakly shoved at his chest.

“Stop it, Guerin.”

Michael blinked and stepped back as if Alex had burned him, and Kyle took advantage of his momentary shock to turn Alex’s chair and press his own forehead against Alex’s.

Alex seemed to be too out of it to focus, his eyes closed, but one touch was all it took for Kyle’s face to fall, and he pulled back immediately, wondering if the heat in his cheeks had spread from Alex’s. “Alex, you’re burning up.”

He stood and sighed, his hands on his hips. “Of course you are, you’ve had Guerin drag you around town again.” He glared at Michael who had been looking to the side, his jaw clenched. “What’d you do this time? Where’d you take him? How could you have let him leave the cabin looking like this?”

“Let me?” Alex stood. Despite the crack in his voice and the clear exhaustion on his face, he glared. “Let’s be clear on one thing. No one tells me what to do, Valenti. Nobody, especially not Guerin.”

“You know what I meant, Alex,” Kyle said, stepping close enough to place a hand on Alex’s arm, his grip tight despite his brain telling him that angering Alex now would only hurt him. “You’re ill, you should’ve stayed in bed. I know you want to spend time with Guerin –”

“I didn’t leave my cabin for Guerin,” Alex said, heated. “Unless you’ve forgotten, he’s with somebody else!”

“Alex –” Michael tried, but it was as if Alex couldn’t hear him. Or wouldn’t, Kyle thought, and he chose to ignore that small voice telling him Alex was still in pain. That Alex would always be in pain after Michael, and it wasn’t anything Kyle could fix.

“Then why?” Kyle said, wanting to forget that Michael was in the room, that he mattered so much to Alex, that his words were driving knives into Alex’s heart. “Damn it, you’re always so stubborn, why? Why’d you just have to be a tough soldier today? What, so you could prove that nothing gets under your skin?”

“No –”

“T-To prove to Guerin that you’re fine without him, then?”

“I don’t have to prove anything to anyone!”

“But you do,” Kyle nodded, glancing at Michael who was watching Alex with an indescribable look on his face. Always watching Alex, he thought, the weight in his chest getting heavier and heavier. “You do, don’t you? Because it’s him. You have to show him that you’re okay.”

“Of course I’m not okay!” Alex snapped, his voice cracking, and the next thing Kyle knew, Alex was coughing heavily, bent over, his hand on his chest. Michael was at his side in an instant, pounding his back until Kyle stopped him. Before Michael could retaliate, he started rubbing Alex’s back soothingly, gesturing at Michael to get him the cup of water on one of the tables in the back. Michael looked torn between disobeying Kyle and helping Alex, but he quickly relented.

Alex took the cup from Michael without a look at him, ignoring his hand to take it back. He set it down on the table, his eyes going to Kyle.

“I don’t know what to do with my dad, okay?” He shook his head, his eyes shimmering with unshed tears, his voice still dry and cracking. “I know we’re supposed to wake him up, but honestly, I don’t think I want to, and I’m terrified about what that makes me.”

“Alex –”

“Let me finish.” He commanded. “My dad’s in a coma that I don’t want him to wake up from, my brothers are hiding something from me, but what kills – and I still don’t understand why it hurts so badly – is that they won’t even look at me now. I can’t talk to Liz because she’s caught up with Rosa, I can’t talk to my mom because she’s gone, and the man I love…”

Michael looked up, frowning. “Hey,” he said in a voice barely over a whisper, reaching for Alex’s arm, but Alex pulled it away roughly and took a deep, shaky breath. “The man I love is dating my best friend.”

Alex shrugged. “He’s moved on, but he won’t let me do the same because, for whatever reason, he won’t leave me alone.” He turned to face Michael. “Seriously, what do you even want with me anymore? Figured you’re so happy, you could trash everything between us and come talk to me like we’re besties now or something? Are you kidding me?”

Michael shook his head, stepping into Alex’s space, taking his face in his hands. “No, Alex, listen to me –”

“I came to see Kyle,” Alex said, and Kyle froze. He felt he maybe should’ve stepped back, given the two their room, but he didn’t want to. The bigger part of him wanted to be selfish, wanted to stay at Alex’s side, to protect him if anything were to happen.

Michael’s smile faltered, and he shook his head, stepping closer to Alex. “No, you’re just – you’re saying that because you wanna hurt me, and I get it, I –”

“It’s not to hurt you, Guerin,” Alex said, his voice surprisingly steady for someone who sounded like their lungs had been replaced with sandpaper. “It’s the truth. I came to see Kyle. Losing you killed me. Understand? It killed me, and it’s still killing me, and… having Kyle, having him as my partner… I-I don’t know –”

“What don’t you know?” Michael asked, his anger rising, and Kyle stepped closer to Alex.

“I –”

“Do you like him?” he asked, and Kyle could’ve sworn he’d never seen Michael look so panicked. “Do you – do you love him?”

               Kyle expected a quick no, expected Alex to lash out and push Michael away, even expected Alex to say that that was ridiculous.

               But Alex only sighed, bringing Michael’s hands down from his face. “I tried so hard, but it was never enough. I’m not enough for you, Guerin.”

               “What? No, Alex –”

               “You didn’t want to believe I was sick because then I’d have been more baggage to you, right? When I’m fine, you can pretend there’s nothing wrong with me, and that you didn’t go behind my back and date my best friend, but that’s what happened. I’m sorry I can’t be perfect for you, I’m sorry I have all of these problems, I’m sorry that seeing me is too painful for you, but this is me, okay? This is my life, and my life sucks, but…” He shook his head, huffing miserably. “Kyle stood by me. Even knowing all the crap that comes with me, he stood by me. Why couldn’t you?”

               “Alex, I…” Michael trailed off, his eyes filled with tears, though his fists clenched tightly as if trying to control his body to do as he wanted.

               When Michael found no answer, Kyle felt Alex’s silent anguish. He felt the misery radiate off him, the depression hitting him hard and worsening his condition. Alex ducked his head, tightening his hold on his jacket, shivering.

               Kyle wordlessly took his jacket off and placed it over Alex’s shoulders, earning a cold, hateful glare from Michael.

               “Valenti,” he started, “I swear –”

               “Go home, Guerin,” Alex said, his voice quiet, and even as he stood so close behind him, Kyle could feel him tense up, as if it was taking every fiber in his body to say those words. “Go home to your girlfriend, and leave us alone.”

               Michael’s eyes searched Alex’s face, undoubtedly for an excuse to stay, Kyle thought. Something he could use to prove that Alex was lying to himself, that he didn’t want Michael to ever leave his side. But that excuse wouldn’t come, and even Kyle could hear the sad resignation of it. Alex had held on to Michael for so long, had loved no one else, had hoped that they would someday be together, and now, as Michael stepped back, his eyes on Alex, as he quietly left the bunker, as the door slammed shut behind him, echoing loudly throughout the entire chamber, as Alex all but collapsed against Kyle’s chest, Kyle’s arms coming around to hold him close and steady, as he begged Kyle to keep still for just “another minute,” Kyle knew Alex had finally, and completely, given up hope.

***

The prompt is courtesy of @hellsdemonictrinity.

This is a halfsies, I think. I don’t know, it’s late, I’m tired. I’m pretty sure this might be the last Kylex I do for a while, though. Malex positivity tomorrow! Bonne nuit ❤

[bowstaffbois-writing]

Thief for Hire - Tim Drake x Female!Reader

Hey everyone! This is super angsty, but it’s decent, I guess. Constructive critisim welcome <3

Also, substance abuse trigger warning. Nothing too crazy but be aware.

You jumped from one building to the other.

You kept running.

The wind hit your face and you smiled.

Nothing could stop you now.

Not the police.

Not Batman.

And definitely not some Robin, or ex-Robin for that matter.

You stopped when you reached your apartment, and slipped inside through the window you purposely left open. You grinned when you reached your bedroom. Sleep, finally! You dropped your bag of loot and crashed into bed.

You woke up and found a boy sitting on your couch. He was tall, with black hair and a serious look on his face. At first, you were shocked, but you quickly found your voice.

“Um, who the hell are you and why are you in my apartment?”

“Well, you robbed the local jewelry store, so how ‘bout you tell me about that first?”

“You wish.”

“Fine. I’ll just call the GCPD and tell them all about a certain 22 year-old college dropout who robs places for hire, and was busted while doing so.”

You stopped. You couldn’t get caught. Jail was your number one fear.

“What do you want?”

“I need you to rob someplace for me.”

You cocked your eyebrow.

“Really?”

“Do I look like I’m kidding?”

He didn’t. Maybe it was the mask, or the while red and black color scheme.

Either way, he looked like he meant business.

“Fine. It’ll cost you though.”

“I’m glad you’ll do it, but I’m afraid I can’t pay you.”

“Then sorry sir, I can’t. I have to make a living too. No cash, no deal.”

He smirked.

“I thought you might say that. Look, either you do this job for me, or I’ll report you. I have lots of evidence against you, and I know you don’t have enough money to get a lawyer, let alone one that’s good enough to get you out of this. So, job or jail. Your choice.”

You thought it over for a second. If he wanted you, a petty thief for hire, instead of a professional mercenary, there must be a good reason. You smiled. You had your loophole.

“Only if you destroy all evidence against me, while I watch.”

He fidgeted, but then gave in.

“Fine. But only if you perform as promised. No last-minute switching sides.”

“Sounds good to me.”

You shook hands with the boy. He couldn’t be older than 20, but he acted far more mature. This wouldn’t be so bad.

“So, here’s what I need you to do…..

No. No. No. NO NO NO NO NO. This was absurd. You couldn’t do this. This “Red Robin” guy wanted you to break into your ex’s place and STEAL a flash-drive containing important information on their drug smuggling system. And your mom still talks about how great he was… If only she really knew. Did “Red Robin” really think that you could break into there? You were a petty thief, not some superhero. Well…. it’s not like you have much of a choice at this point, so here we go…

You were running.

Again.

But this time it just didn’t feel right.

Normally when you commit a crime, it’s just you. You, the adrenaline rush, the wind and the smirk that always forms on your lips… No bossy teenage boy (with a hell of a lot of sarcasm) sassing at you through an earpiece he insisted you wear. You sighed and rolled your eyes. You just couldn’t wait until you could go home and sleep…

“Y/N, LOOK OUT!!!” the boy screamed in your ear. You looked up in time to see your ex-boyfriend standing on top of the air conditioning unit. He jumped down into the moonlight. He looked TERRIBLE. His once crystal-clear blue eyes looked like they were popping out of his skull, and were clouded over and blood-shot. He had lost a ton of weight, and was shuddering violently. The grin on their face scared you. “God dammit, the drugs you can get your hands on today…” you thought.

“Well HELLO Y/N! Good to see you… You look well. Care for some happy juice? Fresh shipment from the Joker! Not enough to make you go totally loopy, but it has a great high…” He started cackling. You felt the tears begin to prick your eyes. How could he do this to himself? He used to be so…beautiful.

He came up and grabbed your chin. You turned your head and let the tears fall. He smirked. “Awww… you can’t be sad. Have a laugh! I can how you a great time…” You glared. “Alex, we talked about this. We’re over. I refuse to be involved with a freaking DRUGGIE.”

His smile turned to a frown. His hand went flying across your cheek. You gasped for air and fell to the ground. He smirked and turned to walk away, then you heard a hard THWACK! and heard Alex fall to the floor. You looked up, and saw Red Robin holding a metal bo staff.

You ran to Alex to see if he was okay. You put two fingers near a blue vein on his neck. No pulse.

No.

No.

No.

No No No No NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tears started falling and you felt yourself being picked up, and carried home by a certain ex-boy wonder.

1 Month Later

Alex had already been playing fate with extreme substance abuse, but the blow to the head (courtesy of Tim) had been the final straw. It would have knocked out a normal person, but the drugs had made Alex really weak, so he wasn’t strong enough to survive. It was a wonder he had been alive that long as it was (And oh yeah, Red Robin’s real name is Tim).

You and Tim had started hanging out more after what happened, because he felt bad that he had put you through that. He knew that you and Alex had been close, but he never realized the extent of your relationship, not to mention the fact that he was an abusive asshole. You decided to let him try being your boyfriend (after some begging on his part), and so far he had yet to disappoint.

“Hey.”

You smiled. “Hey.”

“Remember that deal we made the night that, um…”

You smiled. “It’s ok Tim, I’m over him. I have you now.”

He blushed. “Well, anyways, remember the part about burning the evidence?”

“Yeah…”

“Want to help me?”

You smiled. “Heck yeah!”

You ran down into the family room of Wayne Manor (oh yeah, he told you about that too.), and saw a stack of papers and flash-drives on the coffee table, in front of a roaring fire.

“Would you like to do the honors?”

You smiled at him, and grabbed everything and threw it into the fire. It went up in flames, while you and Tim watched, holding hands.

[corvussempervirens]

Chapter 25: 2018

Trigger warning: abuse

Please read with caution.

December

Fear is all I feel.

“Get your fucking hands off me!” I shriek at the police officer.

“Ma’am just stop resisting” The officer bellows, trying to grab my arm. I pull away.

Suddenly it’s twenty minutes ago and Alex’s hands are crushing my esophagus.

“I’m just gonna fucking kill you!”

He spits in my face. The sudden realization of what’s happening stuns me, and the police officer is putting handcuffs around my already bruised wrists.

“Why couldn’t you just shut up?” He sounds like Alex - bossy. “We weren’t here for you.” he says more sympathetically. Sighing, he leads me towards the car. I walk past the other cop car and see Alex glaring out at me, also in handcuffs.

September

It’s only about midnight, but I’m already well through my second bottle of wine. Alex is passed out already, almost immediately after fucking. I’m going through his phone again, even though I can barely read anything. This is how it’s been for the last two years: me fucking paranoid as hell. Alex always giving me a reason to be insecure. Me, too weak to walk away.

After years of hard work, tons of money, and a shit ton of tears, I finally graduated from college. Even though Alex has dragged me through the mud the last two years that we’ve been together, he’s supported me every step of the way. Financially, physically, and occasionally, emotionally.

When he cheated on me, everything about the dynamic of our relationship changed. I knew better than to stay, but I always have a hard time walking away from people I love. Most of the time, I’m scared of everything. Especially of being alone.

So now, it’s a work night on my second week of my new teaching job. It’s literally everything I’ve ever worked for, but here I am, looking through every single app and message on this fucking guy’s phone. I’m so fucking weak. So fucking pathetic. So wasted. I keep scrolling. There it is. Tinder downloaded, messages going through. Jesus fucking christ, why do I keep looking for things I know are going to destroy me? He’s got plans to see some chick after work tomorrow. I grab the bottle of wine and chug the rest of it down in one deep inhale.

“FUCK!” I yell at the top of my lungs.

Alex bolts up out of bed. “What? Lucy, Jesus. Are you still drinking?” He says, looking at me in nothing but a bra, panties, and holding the wine bottle. His look of superiority tips me over.

“FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! You stupid piece of shit, why do you keep doing this?” I scream at him, brandishing his phone.

He suddenly realizes what it is going on, and jumps up out the bed. His six foot frame towering almost a whole foot over me.

“What the fuck! Did you go through my phone again you crazy bitch?” He yells, reaching for his phone.

I throw it across the room and drop the empty bottle. His eyes follow the phone as it smashes against the wall, and then he turns to look at me. He looks at me like I’m the one that is constantly doing something wrong, like I’m the one who has to bend to his will, like everything that has ever been wrong in the world is my fault.

I throw my hands against his chest and begin pounding them against him as hard as I can. At some point, I close my fists and keep going.

What am I doing? Who is this person? How did I get this way? This has never been me, never in all my darkness have I hurt this bad. Have I felt this stripped of who I am. Trapped. Violent.

After what seems like minutes, he grabs my wrists. His hands could crush my bones. “STOP!” He begins to force me backward. “Fuck you stupid cunt!” He slams me, hard against the wall. I feel the light switch dig into my back.

“I didn’t spend my entire childhood being abused and fucking molested by my stepdad to have some crazy bitch think she can put hands on me!” He yells in my face, his eyes flashing like I’ve never seen anyone look before. He’s just grabbing me and slamming me to the wall over and over again.

“Stop!” I hear myself saying after while. “I’m sorry!” What the fuck? For what? God, help me. I begin to try and kick him off of me. He looks at me again. He’s gone. I don’t know who this is.

He throws me away from the wall, and I stumble backward, my soccer player legs finding their balance again.  He comes toward me, I back into the corner. He closes his fist, and punches me, dead in the temple. “Stay the fuck away from my shit, crazy bitch.” He says. He walks out. I lay, curled on the floor. I should leave but I don’t know where. He comes back and goes back to sleep.

I stay on the floor, crying. Around 5 am, I text my boss. Tell her I won’t be in.

I don’t know what to do.

October

The last four weeks have felt like the most confusing days in my entire existence. Actually, I’m not even quite sure that I actually exist. No one knows about what happened. Not even Kat, the only person in the entire world who I trust with my whole soul. This is killing me.

At work, I pretend to be who everyone wants me to be. Luckily, I have the type of personality that most people like, and because no one knows me, I don’t have to try too hard to throw them off my scent.

I’m drinking like a fish. Like booze is the only thing that can keep me from feeling the full weight of everything around me. Alex is still texting other girls, occasionally throwing me reminders of how no one would ever want me, even if I was strong enough to leave.

I’m fucking him like a rabbit because sex and booze are the only things that make me feel anything at all.

It’s a weekday again, even though I can’t keep track of what the hell is going on between all the lies I have to tell everyone, including myself. Just keep drinking, just keep smoking, this isn’t real.

We’re fighting about some stupid shit again because that’s all we know how to do. Despite the fact that he had done that to me, I’m still belligerent as hell, and will not back down from an argument.

I’m sitting at the edge of the bed. I don’t even know what he just said anymore but I say, “Whatever dude, at the end of the day I know that you’re nothing but a scared little boy. Fuck you.” I don’t know why I say it. I think I want to hurt him like he’s hurt me. I turn away. All of a sudden, he’s flying across the bed, tackling me to the ground. He gets on top of me and pins me to the ground. “I’m so fucking sick of you!” He screams. “Why are you so annoying? Why can’t you just shut the fuck up? Fuck you!” He slaps me. His fingers find my throat and clamp.

I throw my entire weight forward, fighting him off. I try to run away, but he grabs me by the hair and pulls me back. This time he begins biting my back. Squeezing my bones. I know he’s trying to break them. I know it hurts, but somehow I can’t register it. I elbow him off of me and run. He grabs my favorite mug, the one Kat bought me in Eureka, and throws it at my head. I dodge it and it shatters into pieces, like every last bit of me that remains.

He chases me into the hallway, catching one more solid punch at my back before I make it into the bathroom. I lock the door. I hear him leave. I stay there all night.

At around 6, I call my boss. I tell her I can’t make it.

I don’t know what to do.

December

We’re at a holiday party together. I’m still living in this haze. If I pretend nothing is wrong, I’ll be okay. Still, no one knows. Most of the time, I try to act like it actually isn’t real and that I’ve made it all up.

I’m still just going through the motions, drinking to the point where it might be more effective to just hook me up to an IV.

They commend me for doing a good job at work. I’m such a fucking liar. Fucking pretender piece of shit. God I hate myself.

At the party, I’m wearing a black leather mini skirt, fishnet tights, black pumps, and a black cropped sweater. I did my hair so it looks nice and wavy, and my face is fully made up. I look sexy. Again, a fucking pretender piece of shit.

Throughout the night, Alex is putting his arm on my leg, around my waist, just hands everywhere. I try not to cringe. Guys keep looking me up and down, but I’ve come to believe Alex. You don’t want me, I think to myself.

Beer somehow just keeps entering my body. It’s almost incredible how quickly I can drown. We call an Uber. He’s all over me, but I push him off once we get in the car. We randomly begin to talk about what it would be like to start a business. I make a statement about bank loans that he doesn’t approve of. Here we go.

We bicker for a couple of minutes, and when we’re about 10 blocks away from our apartment, he suddenly slaps me across the face as I’m telling him that this conversation is stupid anyway.

The Uber driver slams on his brakes, and yells in Arabic at Alex. “Get the fuck out of the car!” He says right after. Alex looks pissed, but gets out anyway.  The  driver turns to me, “Do you want me to call the police?” He says, clearly mortified and wanting to help.

I’m cradling my face, scared. “No.” I say. “Just take me home, please. We’re almost there.” He looks unsure, but does what I ask. I have no idea why I can’t just find my voice and say something.

People see me as this intelligent, fierce force to be reckoned with. Fucking pretender piece of shit that I am. Weak, is more like it.

I walk upstairs. I know I have about ten minutes before he makes it back, and I know I should run, but I don’t know where. To my parents? Their star child, show up on their doorstep bruised, abused, and wasted? No.

I’m too drunk to drive anyway. I need to change. I take my shoes off. I hear the door open. Fuck. He comes in, and I yell at him to stay away from me.  

He rushes me, thirsty for blood, to cause hurt. He throws me to the ground and begins punching me. Any physical place he can touch. I try to cover my face, but that just opens my chest to receive the blows. He gets up and starts kicking me in the ribs. I just cry as he kicks me over and over. I don’t know how long it lasts.

I summon the strength to try and crawl away. He grabs me from behind and puts me in a chokehold. I somehow break free, but his mouth is biting my arm. This time, even through all of the adrenaline, I can feel how much it hurts. How much all of it hurts. The acting like everything is fine, the lying to everyone, the fucking pretending.

My hands claw his neck, and he lets go of my arm. Somehow, he still pins me to the floor. He puts his hands on my neck. This time he’s really squeezing hard. This time he really might do it.

“I’m just gonna fucking kill you!”

He spits in my face.

I’m gasping for air, getting dizzy. Somehow, my hands find a shoe on the floor. I pick it up and toss it against his head. I make an athletic dive for my phone and run to the bathroom. I call the police. He runs out of the apartment. I hear the police get here really quickly. Alex just waits for them with his hands up as they approached him, guns drawn.

I go outside, barefoot. The police officer begins to ask me questions, I’m dizzy. I’m wasted. I feel all sorts of pain from so many places, but mostly I feel empty. This isn’t real. He asks to go inside. I tell him no, because I know that they will treat it like a crime scene, and I don’t know how to process that. He begins to comment on all of the bruises that are already appearing on my face and neck.

“Did he try and choke you?” he asks aggressively. “Because if he did, that’s additional charges”.

I shrug. Where is my voice? My arm reaches to cover the blood that’s beginning to spill from where he bit me.

“Is it okay for me to take pictures?” He asks, and reaches for me. I flinch.

No, absolutely not. It begins to dawn on me exactly what will happen after this. That I will have to testify in court, that these bruises will need to be documented, that I will need to speak up about this. I’m not ready.

“Never mind, just let him go” I say to the cop. He looks at me, clearly beat up, make up disheveled, barefoot. He’s incredulous, but clearly this isn’t his first time. He hands me a card that reads Domestic Abuse Hotline. What the fuck is this? I’m not a victim.

“I’m afraid I can’t do that ma’am. Once you call, we have to make a mandatory arrest. Especially when the victim is clearly showing signs of abuse.” He looks at me, and tries to reach out and console me.

Suddenly, I’m yelling at him, calling him names, crying and saying incoherent things. I refuse to go back inside. Another officer appears, and they try to manhandle me into my apartment, so I try to get their fucking hands off of me.

I’m tired of the hands on me.

I’m yelling and screaming. One of the cops finally lets go and says, “Fuck this! She’s not gonna fucking listen, then book her for being drunk in public!” he yells, and walks away.

The cop looks at me. He doesn’t want to arrest me, but an order is an order. Even if it means arresting and manhandling the woman who was just abused by her boyfriend.

They let me out of jail at 4:30 am.  I go back to the apartment.

What am I supposed to do?

[what-even-is-thiss]

My Sides

So… I saw people have been posting their own sides, and I’ve had sides planned out even before I joined this fandom, so I guess I’ll tell you all about the parts of my personality. I actually talk to them regularly. I find it useful. Where do I put this? The not sanders sides tag? Sure, I'll do that.

Inner critic/dark side of personality, Alex.

They/them, he/him or she/her pronouns, depending on the day. They’re genderfluid and the gender they have that day reflects what they’re representing at the moment. I named them after a character I liked in a Rick Riordin book that’s genderfluid. Go read Rick Riordin books you guys. They’re awesome.

Little punk rock bitch that dyes their hair, wears band t-shirts, and carries around a baseball bat to beat up the other sides. They’re always wearing red and black. A demigirl when she represents my gender dysphoria, a guy when he represents my social anxiety/self-hatred, and agender when they represent my sadness, and/or I need to get in touch with my dark side. They’re a lot easier to deal with when they’re like that and tend to be slightly less violent. Still really violent though. They tend to hurt me more than they help, but despite what it looks like, he is trying to help. But you’re not helping enough, Alex. Let me sleep.

Logic/Practical creativity, Rowan

They/them pronouns. Agender. I actually have a reason why I named them Rowan. First of all, gender neutral name. Second of all, I’m a huge Norse mythology nerd, and Rowan trees are associated with the goddess Sif, who is associated with the earth and keeps her husband Thor grounded. Rowan keeps me grounded.

They are a stage manager. They have a headset, a prompt book, and a pencil on their person at all times. Always wearing black because they’re wandering about backstage. They tend to come up with creative solutions to the problems that affect me in my everyday life and manage my time. Sometimes they fail horribly, especially when ADHD keeps distracting them. They agree with Logan about Data. Spock has too many feelings.

Positive emotions/ADHD, Robin

He/him pronouns. I named him Robin after the song ‘his friends are more than fond of Robin’ by Carly Simon. Not really a deep reason there. I just really like that song and it makes me happy. Positive emotions. Yeah.

He’s the big brother/best friend I never had. Dresses like a surfer, probably. Wears a lot of blue, just like me. He does a lot of good things like try to get me to love others unconditionally, but he also tends to forget about a lot of things and distracts the others from what they should be doing. He tends to be the one that inner critic enjoys beating up the most, but he always bounces back in the end. Also, I should probably mention I’m a pretty religious person, so he kind of represents my spirituality too. He’s that one kid in the church youth group that does everything and is much more vocal than me about how much he loves Jesus. Sings way too much. It’s getting distracting, Robin. Stop singing for like two minutes and do your job.

Daydream self/imagination, Jason

He/him or they/them pronouns. He’s my imagined self, so his gender changes as mine does. I’m genderflux so I switch between being a guy, a demiguy, and agender. I chose their name because Jason is one of my favorite Greek heroes, and Jason derives from a word meaning “to heal” and whenever I experience something sad or traumatic my imagination is usually what begins the recovery process by letting me escape.

Typical young adult fiction protagonist. Wears jeans and a t-shirt and has a sword for some reason. I don’t know where he got it. Maybe it’s best to not question. He can change his appearance depending on what I’m imagining that day. The young adult fiction protagonist thing is just their default setting. Wears orange t-shirts for some ungodly reason. He gets most of the writing done. If you like the fanfiction I write, they probably came up with most of the ideas in it. He’s also the one that wants to see everyone in high heels. Literally every real or fictional person ever. He really likes wearing high heeled boots. Yeah, this is where some of my more… Eccentric personality traits come from. He's one of those people that seems normal at first but just gets weirder and weirder as you get to know them.

Those are my sides. Thank you for reading all of that.

[ihaveavengersbedsheets]

Traitors: Chapter 1

I lied, I’m gonna post the first chapter. I’m super excited about this one and I’ve been writing for a while so I decided to go ahead and post the first chapter before finals kick in for me! This is my first Bucky fic and it’s a kinda like a gang war AU I suppose. I hope y’all enjoy it! If you’d like to be tagged then please let me know! Tags: @always-an-evans-addict @sinfully-lustful-darling @faye22 @hallotom @tomhiddlesgrouptherapy @toc1985 @marriedtotheking @jeelicious78 

“He doesn’t tell me anything, Evie. I went out there with nothing and almost got killed for it!” Natasha cursed and nearly knocked over the glass of whiskey next to her. Evie held on tightly to her glass and listened sympathetically to her red haired friend. “I’m one of the best people in Shield, if your father was still alive this would’ve never happened.”

“Woah, Nat, too far.” Evie chided calmly. Natasha’s eyes widened then shook her head apologetically. “Look, Uncle Alex leads Shield now and we’re all just gonna have to deal with it.” The other woman sniffed in laughter before taking a sip.

“Yeah, easy for you to say. You’re not in the gang, you’ll more than likely be left alone whenever the war comes about.” Nat replied and Evie crossed her arms over her chest. 

“It seems you often forget about the target that’s always on my back. Dad might be dead but I’m still worth a lot to Uncle Alex and Uncle Nick.” Nat nodded and downed her drink. “I can talk to-“ “No this is my fight, not yours. You just focus on staying safe out there. Hydra would love to have you.” She abruptly got up and walked out with frustration still on her shoulders.  Evie hated that she really couldn’t help her friend but was also annoyed at how Nat sometimes treated her like her life wasn’t completely ruined by Shield too.  She decided to stay a bit longer and try to destress more before heading back outside of the world.

“We’re closing in ten, hun.” The barkeep said, sliding in his headphones as he wiped down the bar.

“Thanks, I’ll be out then.” She grabbed her purse and walked out, the chimes ringing as she did so. She walked down the sidewalk with the eerie feeling of being watched and reached in her purse to try and grab the small pistol she kept.

However, once she was away from the windows, her hand was snatched away from her purse and a hand clutched over her mouth.

“Look what we got boys! Won’t the boss just be so happy with us?” She was pulled into the alleyway right next to the bar. She kicked and screamed, constantly ramming her elbow into the stomach of the man behind her.

“Will someone please get her to fucking stop?” The man behind her yelped out and pushed her to the other man in the group. “For fucks sake!”

“Leave me alone, you pricks!” She yelled and backed away from them.  One of them seemed to taunt her with her bag. She looked around her for something, anything to use as a weapon but she was shit out of luck. She started to scream again but one of them pulled her own gun on her.

“Make another sound and you won’t see Nick Fury or Alexander Pierce again.” He threatened and her back hit the brick wall. Her heart was racing and in that moment she was brought back to when her Dad was shot right in front of her by the masked man.

Suddenly, the man with the gun was picked up by the throat and the gun went off. A bullet embedded itself into the wall next to her and she jumped violently with a scream. He was held up against the wall by a man with longer hair, whose gloved hand crushed the other’s throat quickly. The remaining two came after him but they were no match as they were quickly disposed of with the butterfly knife the man had pulled out. Blood spilt from their throats, their eyes widened and they fell to their knees before finally passing.

Evie finally forced herself to breathe as she stared at the man who had saved her. He looked over at her with his head hung low.

“Are you alright?” He asked in a dark and exasperated voice. She didn’t answer, she just kept staring at him. “Evie, are you alright?” “Yes…how do you know my name?” She asked.

“EVIE!” She heard Nat yell. The man turned and she finally saw his profile before he ran behind her to climbed on the dumpster and base jump to the roof using the opposite wall.

“Wait!” She called out but he was already long gone.

“Evie, are you al-holy shit.” Natasha breathed and looked around at her. There was no one Evie could’ve done this, she couldn’t crush a man’s throat. When she looked to see if her friend was alright, she was looking up at the top of the building. Nat ran over and made Evie look at her. “Are you okay?” “I’m fine.” She barely whispered.

“Who helped you? Who did this? Was it someone from Shield?” Nat interrogated frantically, knowing someone heard the gunshot and screams that she heard as well.

“I-I don’t think so. How did you hear everything?”

“I felt bad about what I said and I was coming back, don’t you tell anyone that. C’mon, I’ll call the clean-up crew. I’m taking you to Mr. Pierce’s.”

Evie didn’t know how or when, but she’d find the man that saved her life.

XXXXXX

“Alright, thanks Scott. Tell Peter for you guys to bring their bodies in. We need to find as much shit on them as possible.” Nick ordered over the phone. Evie sat on the couch while Alexander was busy making a glass of scotch for himself. “This was Hydra, without a doubt.”

“Of course it was, they want war.” Alexander scoffed. “They could’ve at least gone after Rogers or Wilson, the ones that actually work for us. I can understand killing Marcus but trying to finish off his daughter? This is a low blow, even for Hydra.”

“Why now though, why would they want war now?” Nick asked.

“Hey, why are we talking about this and not the fact that she was fucking attacked?” Natasha sassed and Evie sent a pointed look her way.  The two men shared looks before walking into the living room where the young woman was patiently waiting.

“Evie, are you sure you’re alright?” Nick asked and knelt down in front of her, the leather of his jacket squeaking. “They didn’t hurt you too bad, right?” “No, I’m fine, Uncle Nick.” She answered with a soft smile. He nodded and stood back up, scratching under the elastic of his eyepatch. Alexander leaned against the walk way of the modern living room and took a sip from his drink.

“Not trying to undermine how capable you are, but someone must’ve helped you. Romanoff told us one of the men’s throats was crushed. Do you know who helped you?”

Evie didn’t know what she should do. The man seemed so familiar to her and she knew if she gave them any intel then that could diminish any chance she had of finding him for herself. It was already going to be difficult getting the gang off of her back enough so that she could search for him.

“He was masked.” She lied. “I didn’t see his face or anything.” Alexander cursed under his breath and took another sip.

“Honey, are you sure?” Nick asked with his arms crossed, looking quite intimidating.

“I’m sure, there’s nothing I can tell you that would help you.” She replied. If there was one thing her father taught her, it was how to be a good liar. Marcus Swinton was a good man but was never the most honest, he couldn’t be.

“I want you to stay here for tonight. Romanoff, go check her apartment and make sure nothing’s out of the ordinary. Now.” Natasha nodded, squeezing her friend’s shoulder before stalking out of the expansive house. “Evelyn, do you think this could be the man that killed your father?” “No, I don’t believe so.” She responded and Alexander ran a hand through his hair.

“We’ll find him, it’s what we do. I’ll see if V can pull anything from surveillance cameras.” Nick entailed. “Evie, if you remember anything we need you to tell us when you do.” She nodded and stood up to go to the guest bedroom where she could finally be able to breathe.

“Miss Swinton, would you like anything?” Renata asked meekly, peeking around the corner of the doorway.

“No thank you.” She responded. With a short nod, Renata closed the door and her shoes echoed against the floor. “Okay…okay Evie. Brown hair, shoulder length…” She closed her eyes, resting her hands behind her head. “Tan skin…” She remembered she saw the left side of his face. “Blue-ish eyes, strong jaw, strong brow.” She remembered gloves on both hands, he was planning this. He knew this would happen, but how? If he was part of Hydra why would he save her? If he was part of Shield why wouldn’t he tell Alexander or Nick about it? Hell, anyone in Shield knew who she was! He could’ve told the kid, Peter, and it still would’ve gotten around. There was no way he was just a civilian, no way in hell if he knew her name.

A knock on her door made her snap back up to seated position, Renata walked in with some pajamas folded neatly in her arms.

“Are you sure you’re alright, Miss Swinton?”

“I’m fine, Renata, thank you again.” She walked out and Evie quickly stripped and switched into the button up pajamas.

Evie looked down at the bed, she couldn’t remember the last time she got a full night’s sleep but maybe after the exhausting day she could finally get one.

XXXXXX

“Evie! Get behind me, now!” Her father barked, grabbing her arm and pushing her to the ground. She couldn’t recall when it happened, she didn’t even hear it. She knew it had been a cloudy day and had just finished grabbing coffee with her illustrious father. While she couldn’t hear, she could feel. She could feel the spray of blood on her own body as a single bullet pierced through her father’s chest.

“Dad!” She finally screamed out as he fell backwards, his hand twitching towards her as he gasped for breath. She crawled over to him, vaguely aware of people running away and screaming around her. “Dad, no, stay with me!” He looked down at the hand that covered his wound and back up at his daughter.

“I’m sorry, Evelyn.” He whimpered and tears fell through the crevices of his crow’s feet. He held her hand tightly and she held back with both, before he fell limp and passed away. She breathed hysterically, shaking, making the asphalt dig into her bare knees.

Black boots stomped in front of the body, the clanking of a gun against metal resonating through the air. She forced herself to look up from the still warm body to see a masked face holding a sniper. She still held her Dad’s hand tightly, as if he would wake up to protect her. The masked man reached for the knife at his side, slinging the sniper around his back. She couldn’t look at the killer’s face for long, just a quick glance, but she saw one thing for sure before she was pulled up by her wrist by the assassin.

Evie woke up covered in sweat and panting like a wild dog. It had taken her a while to get to sleep, it didn’t take her long for her to have the flashback. Her hands shook as she pushed off the covers in an attempt to get to the bathroom faucet to splash water on her face. After finally pulling herself to it, she looked up at the mirror as water dripped from her chin.

She didn’t remember his face, but she saw the one thing she would never forget.

The metal arm.

[survivorsentinelislands]

EPISODE 8: IS IT REALLY BACKSTABBING IF I WAS NEVER ACTUALLY WORKING WITH YOU? ~Keegan

John's out. Fuck.

And the first thing Logan says is "JOSH <3" like bitch I've been working Josh and he knows you were working him over pre-swap like the manipulative person you are. You've literally gotten out all my friends and I'm not about to let it happen again.

Omg! We merged! I'm so happy! I have 2 strong 5 person alliances (3 of the same people in both) I'm in a damn good spot

darians being messy messy messy!

adding like 80 people to alliances and making some is gonna do nothing but put a target on his back, but he'll be a nice shield.

i dont know how i wanna move forward, but darian, sam, and ned seem favorable? i love logan but i know logan and darian arent rlly friends so theyll target each other. who knows. i just hope im in a good position.

LMAO PLUS I TOOK THE IDOL CLUE NVM i dont need to worry about voting, but i want immunity and an idol hopefully

Finally a merge! This has been a long time coming! A lot of interesting things have been happening and it's only been a couple hours.

First, the Old NuAnadaman now has an alliance chat. DARIAN, ALEX, JOSH, CARSON and myself are all part of it, which is super awesome.

Then there's the Old Andaman alliance chat, with SAM, NED, DARIAN, CARSON and myself.

And I talked with SAM who's in an alliance chat with SARA, DAISY and LOGAN.

That's literally every person in the game I have some sort of connection with. Like holy crap, when does that ever happen?? For the time being, I'm not on anybodies hit list. Which is fantastic but also having connections to everyone means that no matter who I vote for, someone is going to be upset. That's not necessarily a bad thing, particularly in the case of SARA, DAISY, LOGAN, ALEX or JOSH. I've never had an actual alliance with them, so I won't feel bad backstabbing any or all of them. Is it really backstabbing if I was never actually working with you?

SAM and NED are the only two people in the game I won't backstab. SAM in particular since we've been decently close since the very beginning. That would make a fine final 3.

What I need to consider is how to get us there, without causing suspicion from other people, DARIAN in particular. He has an idol, and just gave up his vote at the next tribal for an idol clue, so he could potentially have two idols going forward.

Ideally, I'd like to vote out JOSH or ALEX next. While that will unfortunately give SARA, DAISY and LOGAN a bit more power, it also ensure that the original Andaman have a clear lead. After that we can pick off people one by one.

I'm starting to think too far ahead and that's not great.

Whew. So merge happened. I'm excited to see what happens next. I'm glad John is gone, he really had to go. Especially since at this last tribal he kept throwing out everyone's names. We heard him say everyone except for Sam. Now I'm excited to get the game going. I'm nervous people might see Logan and I as a threat since we have such a strong alliance and since we gained a bit of power after Logan played their idol near the beginning of the game. Also, our alliance w the rest of our tribe isn't as strong as it is just between the two of us and I feel like people like Sam and Sara could easily switch, especially since Sara has voted against us in the past. But I'm going to try to stay positive. Logan and I are bringing each other to the end, and I think we can get there.

An interesting choice has arisen. LOGAN, SARA and DAISY are a tight threesome, and they believe SAM is on their side. They are either targeting ALEX or DARIAN. Now, ideally they would target ALEX and he would be gone, giving the OG Andaman's the majority lead. However, it's looking like they might want to go after DARIAN.

So SAM and I brainstormed some plans, where the OG Andaman all vote ALEX, which would give five votes to him, probably three or four votes to DARIAN and maybe one or two to LOGAN, sending ALEX home. However, DARIAN told me he got the idol clue, which means his vote will be randomized at tribal.

Unless one of LOGAN, DAISY or SARA grabbed the idol clue as well, our plan might not work out too great. It could end up being a four-four tie between DARIAN and ALEX. I'm not sure we could gather the support to get out ALEX on the revote.

So I guess as it currently stands, we either need to vote out LOGAN or hope DARIAN wins immunity so we can actually get the numbers to vote out ALEX. I think no matter where the votes fall, I'll be safe for a while. I've got a good safety net with SAM, NED and DARIAN.

Also, my original plans of being a villain are probably going to be set aside for a little while, maybe until another game. I'm in too good of a position to throw it all away trying to be sneaky.

BITCHES I MADE JURY /AGAIN/ IM HERE FOR IT. Buttttt I'm going to win. So darian straight up asking me in class if im going for him is SUS as FUCK. But idc! I said maybe and he told me "lol alex said you wouldn't trust him lol" and stuff like that and was like "lol wish i could say the same" when i only said maybe to me going after him? Like

bitch

ofc im going tf after you. im here to win, and you are violent and rude and im not taking a lower placement than a messy playa like yOU

DARIAN shared the immunity idol clue with me. I'm kind of surprised he did but I guess he thinks we're ride or die together. I'm not going to complain or correct him; it's nice to have people wanting to go to the end with me.

Looking in the forest was highly unsuccessful, maybe next time I'll find something good. I still have my extra vote to use. I may end up using it at this coming tribal, depending on how it looks like the votes are going to go. I'd rather save it for a while though.

The immunity challenge is a flag making challenge, which is pretty awesome in my opinion. I like making things. I've already got one draft of a flag done, I'll sit on it for a few hours and see how I feel about it later tonight. It's not due for another day and a half so there's plenty of time.

Winning immunity would be great. My name probably isn't going to come up at all, so it's not like I need it but on the off chance this coming vote turns to rocks, I'll be safe. Plus who doesn't want to win immunity?

Okay whew, merge happened! Thanks Drew, my fave sadistic bastard <3 Unfortunately, first immunity is flag making and uh I'd rather fuck myself with glass. IM COLORBLIND. DREW INFORMS ME THE COLOR IS DARK BLUE AND TO JUST WORK WITH THAT AND IM LIKE DREW PLEASE, BLUE IS GRAY AND GREEN IS PUKE AND AND PURPLE IS DUSKY RED. DONT DO THIS TO ME. RUDE.

Anyway I'm gonna lose and go home byyyyeeee

Well, I lost the immunity challenge, which I don't think is a huge deal. But unfortunately, ALEX won which kind of is a big deal.

SAM told me that LOGAN and DAISY both want DARIAN out, which sucks since along with SARA that's a guaranteed three votes going to DARIAN. It's possible that JOSH is in on that plan as well pushing it to four votes.

Since DARIAN gave away his vote for an idol clue, that means the SAM, NED, CARSON and myself have to stick together to potentially tie the other foursome. We could probably get ALEX on our side quite easily, pushing that to five but I really don't want to have to rely on ALEX.

I talked with LOGAN as well, and if they're to be believed, we have a mutual agreement to not vote each other this tribal. Do I trust them? With SAM's info, yeah I do. At least for this tribal.

The one good thing about this situation is that Darian does have a hidden immunity idol. It may be in his best interest to play it this vote, just to be safe. Whether or not he trusts me enough to listen to my advice.... well that remains to be seen.

So basically, Darian is the target of everyone from Nicobar tribe, plus Josh who has flipped to us. Darian thinks that I was an outsider pre-merge, and that the last vote came between me and John, and that I'm lucky to be here, etc. He also thinks Logan has an idol, so they're probably gonna try to flush it and split the votes. He thinks I'm voting for Logan, and now he's trying to convince Logan to flip and vote for me, since he thinks that them and everyone else from Nicobar doesn't like me. It looks like old Andaman is trying to split the vote between Logan and I in order to flush the idol, and then get one of us out. What we really need is to know that Sara is still 100% with us. She's being very quiet, which makes me nervous. She only ever speaks in the tribe chat and not in the alliance chat, despite it saying that she's been active very recently. Which makes me wonder if she's already flipped. If she has, at best they split it between Logan and I and then its 3 - 3 - 4, and Darian is still gone but we can't trust Sara. At worst, Sara tells them that Logan and I are a strong alliance, and they go 6 - 4 and I'm gone. So basically, the outcome of this next tribal comes down to Sara, who hasn't answered my messages in a while. Fuck.

I have missed Keegan so much

Also Darian is literally a dumbassjflkjhfsd

I literally can't believe how dumb he is

Like I have seen crappy game play

And I have seen some dumb ass moves

And plenty of times when you just think "why would you say that?" But man I have NEVER seen anyone this stupid

If we had the extra numbers I would just say deal with it and let his ass go

Idol in his pocket and everything

But we don't

So I must deal

whew honestly

Just so you know

Also Darian Blows my mind

Like I know just went on about how dumb he is

But he got dumber

Ok.

Yay we are at final 10

Alexander won immunity. And right off the bat things got weird

Daisy approached me about needing to find a person to vote for because she on the outs of her old tribe But she has to vote by 6pm. So I told her Logan I started planning against Logan Until Logan approached me to start planning against daisy So I'm confused

Then Ned and Sam tell me that they are going to go with the nicobar people and convince them to vote me out. So I'll be able to play my idol and be able to take out one of their key players

And they will stay trusted for another week which will help us make our moves.

So I just told the hosts that I am playing my idol on myself

So I'm going to be the first to say

Congrats on a guaranteed f9 woooo no one else feels as safe as i do

I don't even know what is going to happen but it's not be

I'm also not voting thanks to that idol clue

Ugh

Tonight's going to be interesting

well this round has been crazy so far! darian makes 83 alliances and goes insane.

____

logan's apparently saying my name soooo fuck that

____-

logan walked

As bad as it seems, Logan quitting wasn't that bad. They tried to mend things with me; they stated that they wanted Nehe out because he wouldn't refer to them by their preferred pronouns. I'm using them to be respectful but I've never liked they/them because it's gramatically weird and that's the only reason.

I did win immunity, and it was cut short by Logan quitting. But I definitely redeemed myself with the flags from the first episode :P So I can die happy.

LOGAN has walked from the game due to personal reasons. I hope everything is okay with them. Even though I didn't have any intention of actually working with them, they were a lovely person to talk with. I wish them all the best in whatever they're dealing with.

However, they also makes this game a little bit easier. We no longer have to worry about this clusterfuck of a tribal. I honestly have no clue what was even going on with it. Half the tribes names were coming up and people were switching votes and wanting to play idols.

It would have been interesting to see what would have happened but at least OG Andaman has the majority. We can potentially ride this all the way to final 5.

I already miss Logan crying irl

I'm so shook that I made merge in a game that I didn't know I was playing until it started

im sorry