#<- new tag it's happened enough now
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I know me and my classmates definitely have biases based on our work experience. I wanted to see if the general Tumblr population would agree with some of us lol.
No "I hate kids" r/childfree slop in the notes or I'll break your ankles
#fires posts#ramblings#poll#fire talks about childcare stuff randomly#<- new tag it's happened enough now#fire toddler talk
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Your blog is the only blog where I feel safe enough asking this question. What do you think of Percy Jackson fans who feel as though they and the series have a moral superiority to Harty Potter ? Obviously, Harry Potter and its author are laden with questionable and sometimes straight-up hateful takes and views. But the way PJO fans constantly compare the two, its authors (even though RR is far from flawless), and the two MCs (ignoring how the two both share similarities in the fact that they are both traumatised, abused, angry teenage boys). I'm sorry that this ask got so long, but this has been annoying me for a while now.
This is an interesting question - for one, fandom fights over superiority is a concept that has been around for ages and has never been constructive. PJO and HP fandoms have been fighting in that exact way (and it has gone both ways!) for literal decades (remember, PJO turns 20 this year) so this isn't new, it's just taken on a moral flavor. Let's go over some things though (but please keep in mind i never got into HP and never read the books or fully watched the movies so my knowledge of HP is primarily pop culture absorption/secondhand from my family and friends):
Are either series perfect? No. HP absolutely is full of hateful sentiments and JKR is a hateful person and I do not respect her for that. Disney's marketing recently has absolutely fully leaned into trying to put Rick above her as a moral paragon and emphasizing how progressive he is and his support of diversity in middle grade series, despite some failings to reflect that in the actual text. Are Rick and JKR equally bad? Definitely not. Rick has had tangible good influence on adhd/dyslexia awareness that very directly impacted people like me as a neurodivergent kid going through school in the 2000s. JKR meanwhile has directly negatively impacted trans laws internationally very recently.
Rick absolutely isn't perfect, but he's vocally supportive, has made a lot of effort in the past to be inclusive, and still attempts to do so. Most of his issues simply stem from his own unaddressed internalized bigotry/biases and his research on varying topics not being great (plus poor management decisions such as not hiring a sensitivity reader actually fit for the story he's trying to tell). But he's not hateful. JKR is. JKR is very vocally hateful and bigoted and this is absolutely reflected in her work as well even in earlier HP. They are comparable in that they are both middle grade authors of easily two of the most popular middle grade fantasy (or specifically hidden world fantasy) series out right now. They are not equivalent in the slightest in their bigotry or tangible damage.
In terms of Percy versus Harry, I personally don't think they're very comparable. They share some similarities, but mostly just in that they're both the protagonists of their stories and thus serve protagonist purposes. Beyond that their use within the narrative is pretty different functionally. Their worlds' magic systems are not comparable. The hidden world aspect in both their universes isn't even comparable, since in PJO the "hidden world" aspect is very different from most hidden world fantasy formats because the entire point is that it's functionally not a hidden world. The characters themselves are very different as well - Percy's personality and the way he behaves and reacts to his environment is absolutely nothing like Harry's.
Most of the anti-HP-in-general sentiments stem from wanting to cut off JKR's notoriety, which I think is valid to want to do. And I do think there are a lot of issues with continuing to support JKR's work especially in ways that functionally promote her work or support her financially. Obviously, we will never be able to scrub HP from the cultural zeitgeist. It's just not feasible and I'm very anti-book burning so I do think it's important to acknowledge the role HP has had in pop-culture alongside acknowledging its harmful materials. HP is a text you absolutely can't death-of-the-author your way out of because a lot of the vitriol is baked into the text and worldbuilding in very overt ways - and there are plenty of other pop-culture staple novels like this. But fandom in general, at least true fandom and not mainstream fandom, is so obscure most of the time that I don't think, so long as people are not ignoring negative themes of the source material and are being thoughtful as they navigate engaging with it, that it is an inherently bad thing for HP fandom to just exist at all. It's never going to just stop existing no matter what people do. And HP fandom are not the only ones who should be thoughtful about how they engage with their source material - PJO fandom is not exempt from examining some of the problematic aspects in our own text and figuring out how to be respectful with those topics. It's just a lot easier for PJO fandom to tune it out without it being noticed because there's less of it and it's (at least sometimes) less overt. Honestly if HP fandom decided to go more down the path of a fandom like Warriors or Miraculous Ladybug, where the average sentiment is more along the lines of "Oh god no don't read/watch the source material it sucks/we stopped paying attention to it year ago and it's not relevant at all to what we're up to. We're over here functionally rewriting everything from the ground up/doing our own thing" I would very much support them in that endeavor. I do think there is merit in limiting promotion of the HP source material as much as possible, though.
Hopefully that all makes at least some amount of sense.
#pjo#riordanverse#hp#harry potter#< hm. was kind of hoping those tags would never end up on this blog#long post //#i will say i dont like. have any particular stake in this game again vis a vis i have never had any sort of connection to hp#so it doesnt hold any kind of nostalgia or affection for me. i do not care what happens to anything relating to it at all#other than potentially wanting the franchise to crumble#if anything regarding my experiences with it i potentially hold a minor grudge towards it cause one time when i was younger at Universal#i nearly fell out of whatever that one ride i think with the hippogriff cause the lapbars on it are SHIIIIIT and i am a Very Small Person#like im small now i was even smaller then#so it just would not secure far enough down to actually hold me in the seat and the ride goes like at a 90 degree angle on some turns#anyways thats like. the extent of my experience with HP. i do not care for it#but yeah never forget your history - pjo and hp fandoms have like literally always had beef#i cannot begin to describe how not new it is for either fandom to claim superiority over the other#it is literally one of those classic fandom arguments except the book fandoms flavor of it#i think one of the old big arguments as far as i remember was HP fans lording having a faithful movie adaptation over pjo fans#im pretty sure in fandomstuck they're kismeses#then again pjo never got much stuff in fandomstuck#< sentences that only make sense if you're old like me#ask#Anonymous
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Yes Doro I see your vision and find it hilarious XD But now I’m just imagining the funny ways her family members are signing her arm cast (and presumed leg one by her crutch) and posing with her independently XD Like Hephaestus is like: “Welcome to the “genius almost crippled god club.” Or Hera being a good stepmother and doting on her with Ares begrudgingly being there, or literally a happy pic of Ares and co. just being a good brother/siblings and sitting beside her ^w^
I actually created that drawing imagining Hermes painting over everyone else's drawings and signatures. Like, Aphrodite would draw many cute hearts and sort of force Ares to sign the cast too. Apollo would be the happiest to sign it and everyone would fill up all the spaces with drawings and 'get well soon' messages. Then Hermes would just come along with a bunch of paint and cover everyone else's hard work with his majestic signature.
But I'm sure everybody reacted really well when they saw what hermes did and i'm also sure hera helped athena to fix that mess of a hair
anyways,...hermes getting jumped under read more just because
#but dont worry#once poseidon arrives with a full body cast#(after -you know- a certain 600 strikes happening)#im sure everybody will stop fighting cuz now there's enough space for everybody to sign#new ask tag who dis#CHANGING THE TOPIC A BIT loved being called doro that was SO cute#kinda remind other nicknames that some of my friends call me#like i have some friends that call me dodo or dororo
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Becoming deeply radicalized against the idea of crewed Mars missions, y'know how the Rovers keep sending back better and better data what if instead of that we made an even bigger one and devoted nearly 90% of its capacity to holding a guy in a bubble on top of it instead of sending back useful data, but wait! They'll eliminate like a half hour of latency and also almost certainly contaminate the landing site and possibly the entire planet, so it's not all downside.
#At least in the near term it's fucking pointless and the downsides are very large and very big#Quite frankly it is extraordinarily likely that the first people to arrive at mars will do so dead#Because they will have been sent by fucking idiots willing to take too large risks#But the good news is that the wreck will spread across and contaminate huge amounts of the martian biosphere#To the point that we will quite possibly never be able to discern the history of life on mars#But if they live at least they'll get to slightly reduce the latency on our telerobotic fleet!#And travel home with the samples I guess#Good thing Percy's tagging and bagging rocks that we just canceled the return trips for#At least once we fuck up the rest of the planet those will be sterile#Kinda still excited about Aritimis but also kinda becoming anti-human spaceflight in general#We should consider not doing that for a while and at most focus specifically on living on the moon in a controlled and limited fashion#Ground the whole fucking commercial fleet who gives a shit those capsules are both gonna get someone killed sooner rather than later#And it's not like we're learning a whole lot by having people on hand up there#They spend most of their time trying to keep the machines from falling apart#Which is the main thing people would be doing for three continuous years on the shortest possible mars mission#Like you could send a dozen rovers for the price of one crewed mission both mass and money-wise#And that's probably a lowball estimate even assuming more and more advances in rover technology#Which are happening a lot faster than the advances in life support technology#Right now we do not even have enough functioning space capsules at our low earth orbit space station#Starship HLS is a fucking joke#The whole thing reeks let's just stop sending people into space for a while what were we really getting out of it
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Reconciliation
Old dome squadmates Trito and Kinoga get together at Trito’s place to catch up after years apart and a meeting by chance on the surface.
⚠️Warning for suggestive content below + implied chest trauma
After several weeks of chipping away at this, the comic is finally done! Very happy to have rendered a full 7 pages of oc stuff. Please give it a read!!
read the full 7 page comic on twitter! <-please do not click if you are a minor and view at your own discretion, this link contains explicit 18+ content. Thank you!
For the lore, includes stuff from splatoon Octo Expansion: Trito and Kinoga were a part of an octarian military squad living in the domes, Kinoga being their squad leader that many looked up to and admired. There were 6 of them who considered each other to be their closest friends. Upon hearing about the tests from Kamabo Co. and the allure of the Promised Land, Kinoga wished to seek it out in order to find a better life for their squadmates. A difficult decision, since it meant leaving them all behind, promising to come back and take them there.
Kinoga enters the metro trials and soon realizes that the Promised Land isn’t what they expected, their hope crumbling when they encounter one of their sanitized squadmates Agara, who followed suit to the metros soon after. Kinoga narrowly escapes, eventually making a break for the surface, carrying the shame of unwilling to return for their squadmates with them (it’s justified, of course, there might not be an easy way in, they might get caught again, Agara is gone)
Trito enters the Metro not too long after Kinoga does, wanting to catch up to them, and an accident that occurs in a test early on results in Trito’s near sanitization, giving him his scar. Terrified, and realizing what happens to his fellow octolings, Trito is unable to return to his squadmates, not wanting to break the news of their loved ones’ untimely fates. He hides away on the Metro until the events of OE happen and Agent 8 dismantles Kamabo, opening an opportunity to escape to the surface. Unwilling to face the possibilities of going back, Trito takes his chance to leave, starting a new life and feeling that it’s for the best if he doesn’t acknowledge it, though he missed his friends dearly.
Years later, Trito and Kinoga run into each other on the streets of Splatsville by chance, and the implications of them both being on the surface and alive hit them, having to carry the burden of leaving their loved ones behind and finding out the truth, knowing the other felt exactly the same, not knowing the fate of their squadmates and not wanting to think about the possibility of them being gone. They have a tearful reunion about it, and set up a meet later, to sit down and really talk, and get into a brief argument when the topic of returning to the domes comes up. Trito’s in disbelief that Kinoga never went back down to check on the rest of their squad, wanting them to have been a better person than him, who was too cowardly to do so. Eventually they do reconcile, and end up at Trito’s place to hook up, where the above comic takes place :]
#my art#my ocs#splatoon#suggestive#trito#kinoga#aaahhhhhh this is finally done!!!!#a small drabble turned into a sketch turned into a full fledged rendered comic. blowing up#in any case I hope people enjoy this as much as I do…they are so everything to me#splatoon ocs#I have so many thoughts about these two that I could not articulate in a tumblr post. they miss each other so so much#its about the. I’ve known your body. and coming back after years and going oh…this is new…#there’s no context where trito would be able to reveal this to kinoga except for boning#only kinoga could look at it and immediately understand. sparing him the pain of explaining what happened and reliving it#if it had been anyone else he probably would have stopped them the moment the hand went under the sweater#but he’s just so so caught in the moment of the reunion. and the everything . Auughhhh#stealing this from a friend but theyve changed and they haven’t changed at all. I’m going to be ill#chest trauma#‘what if they explored each others bodies’ or whatever. okay#if it wasnt clear enough or implied trito and kimoga are octolings from the underground domes#nsft#oh and the. really long lore explanation <33 teehee#they are so so much#not partners but more than friends. secret third thing. guh#its about holding each other so tightly and physically for confirmation that they weren’t seeing things and that the other was Really There#like the fate of their friends not on their mind constantly and then it all comes flooding back and all of a sudden it opens the door#for finding the others and now they won’t have to go back and face the possibility alone#IM GOING TO BE SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!#this has got to be the most ive rambled in the tags I’ve just been rotatinf them with fado for the past barely a month and they are#tritonoga
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....why are the youtube comments so mad lol don't y'all like to have fun. don't we like to have fun here
#ari speaks#half of them are 'wahhh this is what happens when you make games WOKE' like. baby. shhhh. it's not dark fantasy enough for you???#like we are allowed to have varied opinions but also idk. dragon age has always had moments of being a lil silly. especially inquisition.#titsicles???? the nug king???? i'm attacking your holdfast with a goat????? cmon now.#we DO get a little silly here and i'm really not opposed to (well-placed) tonal irreverence in a world about to end.#bitch the world we are CURRENTLY living in is falling apart and i am also being a silly fucking guy because it's all i got.#if i lived in thedas irl i'd be in taverns getting tomatoes thrown at me for bad stand-up about kirkwall HAVE SOME FUN LIVE A LITTLE.#also bc it's been so long one has to imagine that they're also trying to grab some new fans here so it does not surprise me#that the trailer is not 'Boo Hoo Sad Times Dark Fantasy Game No. 49' (i say as an enjoyer of depressing dark fantasy)#esp when all of the prior promotional material has been very doom and gloom.#i don't think that just because the game is being marketed like this/that we're switching focus from solas that the game will be#sanitized and not dealing with any kind of fucked up lore and shit. i am holding out hope that we're going to get some cool opportunities#to play in a space that is def dark but can still give room to breathe.#anyway i do not actually giv a fuck (genuine not insulting) if the trailer did not make u excited das ok.#unless you're complaining that it's woke garbage now/so bad because g*ider is uninvolved. if thats the case you may fuck off.#sorry for the tag essay!
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i was reading a scoops era steddie au where eddie visits scoops often and one thing i noticed i alway want but have yet to see (bear in mind my fic pallette is basically just shit i see on Tumblr and occasionally reading every fic a certain author has written) is a specific scene of eddie noticing stobins missing when he goes to visit them at scoops the day theyre stuck in the bunker. cause they entered the bunker after a shift one night and didn't get out until at the soonest the next afternoon right before the mall closes so if either or both of them were scheduled to work then they'd be just... gone.
and how characters around them handle that depends on how soon (if at all) they're declared missing. did robin think they'd be in-and-out in their snooping and tell her parents shes be back a little late or did she think they'd be out kinda late fucking around and just lied to her parents telling them shes sleeping over at a friend's like how we know tina was going to cover for erica? did mrs Henderson freak out when Dustin didn't bike back home (knowing what happened with will) or did she know he was with steve and trusted that they were goofing off or something?
and usually i see Steve's parents not being home but what if they were?? they could panic because steve always has some sort of excuse for why hes gone or maybe just his mom starts worrying because while his dad never really asks about him she does and she knows hes probably not at some girls house right now because he at least would have told her. or maybe mrs harrington doesn't know her son as well as she thinks she does and assumes he is out at some girls house and is relieved hes finally getting to be more like himself.
maybe just one or two people in scoops troop are reported missing that night and maybe the search started for them is enough for the other's parents or friends to realize they're all missing. maybe none of them are because they each already had a coverup with the people who'd notice. maybe they spent a good few hours in that elevator regretting lying about where they'd be because now no one knows they're in danger and by the time they start looking it could be too late (obviously erica didn't seem to grasp this yet but shes literally 10 and it's definitely her fist severely traumatic life or death experience. for the others tho it could definitely be on their minds and i have seen a few fics where robin wonders about how steve and Dustin are reacting like they've done scary shit like this before together)
then morning comes and id give it until lunch with no calls or anything before parents who believed their kids were sleeping over to start worrying seriously. maybe they call the friend their child's supposedly with and get a confused parent saying they haven't seen them or maybe they get the friend picking up and confirming they're fine (like tina). but if Mrs Henderson gets worried and calls steve she'll either get the harringtons saying he isn't home right now or she won't be able to reach him. and knowing steves like a big brother and a best friend to dustin knows that if steve missing too he's probably at least missing with him and goes to the station worried about them both
and then theres the fact that scoops has to open in the morning, probably sometime around 10am. maybe steve and robin were scheduled to both work again and as 10am comes and passes scoops ahoy hasn't been touched. maybe some mall manager calls the scoops manager (forgive me ive never worked in a mall but i do work in a store-within-a-store and we have our own manager plus the big store manager) and asks where their employees are. if missing persons reports were filed that last night then the manager would be really worried while frantically trying to find someone to cover for them. but maybe no one knows they're missing yet and their manager is grumbling about their no-shows, maybe considering firing them for both disappearing without even calling out. depending on how much they know and if the reports were filed, whoever has to cover their shifts is either worried about their coworkers (probably moreso robin than steve because of his reputation) or utterly pissed that they both didn't show and they have to open scoops ahoy with a few hours delay and probably a good few karens bitching about being closed. or maybe one or the other was scheduled and while their no-show is really inconvenient at least someone's there to open and ask for backup
and then theres steves car still parked in the back where it was the day before. a bike left behind at the mall is less eyebrow-raising but a fancy car? Steve Harrington's car? Steve Harrington who was scheduled to work today but somehow isn't in scoops right now? is he skipping work while simultaneously wandering around his workplace? and whats worse is despite evidence being there *no one can find him*. maybe thats what it takes for people to realize hes like actually missing. maybe they think he was kidnapped, hopefully he just went home with some girl and lost track of time.
and then theres eddie. eddie whos been stopping by scoops for a while now. maybe he still doesn't really like Harrington but likes teasing him with Buckley or maybe they've gotten pretty close. maybe they're already dating. maybe eddie walks up to scoops one morning to find it closed or to find that one or the other didn't show up for work this morning. maybe he hears from the worker that ones missing or maybe they get a rant about how pissed the worker is to be opening alone. maybe he's the one to go to a mall manager or security officer worried about scoops being closed because he *knows* the people that are supposed to be there right now and they don't just abandon work at the same time with no explanations.
or maybe eddie visits in the afternoons and learns they're missing from their coworkers or maybe hes there because he saw it on the news and went on his our hunt. either way it'd probably end with Eddie looking around the mall for them because he knows steve isn't going to just abandon his beemer in a busy public parking lot. maybe he finds them high out of their minds while checking the movie theatre (this one i do see a lot and am obsessed with its so good) or maybe he doesn't find them at all (its a big mall and they are actively hiding from Russians who know they escaped. sure stobin are not being very secretive while high but dustin and erica are at least keeping them in less-discoverable locations). maybe he goes home knowing hes looked everywhere in that damn mall and assumes they're probably kidnapped and taken somewhere else (if he did find them tho that opens a whole can of worms for if, how, and how much eddie gets involved and while my brains gone down sone of those rabbit holes i don't think i will today)
and then they see the news about the mall fire. and eddie knows damn well that he looked everywhere in that mall but didn't see a trace of his friends but there they are on the news and apparently in the fire. maybe eddie assumes he didn't look hard enough. but maybe he sees how steves the only one with more than a few bruises on his legs, how despite them claiming he was trapped in rumble that also allegedly killed billy hargrove he looks like hes carrying himself on adrenaline alone and hovering around robin and the kids like something more than falling support beams could get to them. maybe its the fact that he look as shit as he did but wasn't laying down on a hospital stretcher like he would be if he just got those wounds.
_._._._
hi if you saw any typos no you didn't UNLESS theyre funny or actually concerning then you should tell me and i can react appropriately
also i swear i feel like doctor strange looking through every possible reality when i go on tangents like this. idk whenever i come up with little fics in my head or come up with different ways my favorite unfinished fics could end im always exploring as many different versions of the same scenario as i can and coming up with as many what-ifs as i can.
also i pressed the poll button by accident while making this and idk how to make it go away to we're trying just ignoring it and not writing anything in it to see if it goes away
actually fuck that it probably wont work so im adding a poll question as a treat for the people who read this far
#writing this was an experience except i don't remember any of it and i didn't even reread it to check spelling#i love thinking like this tho and coming up with all these different things that could happen with this one scenario#and following canon and trying to fill in the gaps gives just enough room to fuck around but still keeps me in the right direction#with just a couple deviations that are too good to ignore like eddie finding stobin while theyre high and getting water#im also writing my own little steve henderson au universe in my head loosely inspired by those steve henderson posts by that one person#i can't remember their user rn but if i ever actually share ill tag them as inspiration inlike the first post#but mostly its me taking steve right after s2 events and letting him get help from the hendersons because dustins his new best friend now#(regardless of if he agreed to it or not)#so uh yea if anyone wants to hear about it you should totally let me know because i will do a lot for external validation#im just an 8 year old girl playing barbies but morbid things are happening#stranger things#steve harrington#steddie#eddie munson#platonic stobin#steve x eddie#robin buckley#dustin henderson#erica sinclair#steve and dustin#steve and robin#platonic soulmates stobin#scoops ahoy#stranger things season 3#stranger things s3#stranger things rambles#claudia henderson#steve has bad parents#mrs harrington#stranger things thoughts
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Had a weird Hollow Knight-related dream a couple days ago, so I decided to draw a major scene I remembered from it dgsgshf
More context will be in the tags, for those interested!
#hollow knight#little ghost#hk ghost#the knight#hk hornet#hornet#alright. as of writing these tags it's been a week since the original dream so! let's see what i remember dgsgsgf#i was playing a game. which was a sequel to hollow knight ((Not silksong though))#there was some new sort of divine infection in hallownest and hornet had asked ghost to investigate it. they ended the last one after all!#the red glowy spike gate thingy is what you jumped into to enter the 'infected' areas#though it actually led directly to a hub world type of place. which was kinda like an expanded base for the grimm troupe?#more like an entire lair instead of a camp. also some greek gods were there for some reason lmao. they had their own special rooms too#so sidenote but- new headcanon that there are grimm troupe members named ares athena artemis &... venus lmao. not aphrodite for some reason#also monomon was there?? i think??? except she was cooking????? she had a sidequest to deliver something to someone though i dunno hdgfhdgh#i remember going back to the grimm troupe lair a couple times throughout my 'playthrough'#anyway. the 'infection' this time around was more of a glitchy physical corruption thing? rather than a mind corruption.#though there were still aggressive enemies to fight. but i remember getting a map from cornifer early on and he was. probably infected#i think part of his body was covered in electricity or something? so he wasn't fully visible? but he was still acting normally#there was also a moth who was the seer but then later wasn't the seer (but was still the same moth) dghgdhf. i delivered stuff to her#that glowing white wall thing in the drawing was like a one-way gate. you could only cross it from the other side and ghost came from there#i guess things looped back up somehow i dunno ghdgfhgf#anyway. ghost's red eyes. those are significant! those happened while i was walking through a corridor. it had pools of shallow water#(shallow enough to just walk through) and also creatures that were lightseeds but red.the implication was that they were full of Blood lmao#and as i went along killing them--as one does--as i walked through the hall. they started turning the water red too#there was also narration about this as it was happening ashdgsf. specifically the narrator said the water turned red before it actually did#ghost's eyes slowly turned red too. but aside from that they were fine! since. they're the player character and the player is perfectly fin#BUT. when they encountered hornet again. she thought they were infected. and that she lost the only family she had left </3#she didn't attack though. instead she just jumped into the red spike gate without a word. decided to try to fix everything herself#but eventually you'd encounter her again down below and she'd fight you. didn't actually get to that in the dream though#aand i'm out of tags </3 i wanted to talk about what i'd do to make this make more sense as an au or something now that i'm awake but. :c
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really really funny to post a whole long well-thought-out thing about how i no longer identify as plural then immediately get into a week long argument with myself(s) about whether that's true
#fucking classic behavior honestly#like yeah okay maybe i AM a little plural.#however it generally causes me extra stress and problems to focus on or think about it too much#as opposed to many people who say that it is freeing for them#the only way i got out of a years long crisis about The Self(s)#was to embrace a philosophy of 'the Self is made up and fake; you werent pretending but you also#dont have to keep the facets of yourself so sharply separated if it no longer feels right.'#and i was like okay❤️yay👍#however then theres also stuff like.#me being caught in a bfrb loop this morning until sawyer switched in and was like stop it dumbshit we're doing other stuff now#and then the urge instantly went away and we dissociated and wrote this post#and started arguing over whether the past several years have been a different host#like wtf am i supposed to do with that..............#i literally just declared that none of this applies to me would you shut the fuck up#like at the same time i do experience and believe in a continuity of 'me'. trying to deny that just makes things worse#i just disagree with myself sometimes it's whatever#have i been sitting here at work half dissociated thinking about this for a fucking hour. this is what happens#we dont fucking sleep enough.#and also what happened before we initiated the 'its literally fine to not think about it much and just exist' rule#wheres that post thats like EVERY ME IS ME BABY I AM THE MASK AND THE WEARER#wait. new pinned post time#aphelion.txt#system tag
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yeah sure that's how i'll [re]come out
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#zymart#zymtalk#rant in the tags ->#okay listen to me this is really important and also i have a witness. this was not intentionally supposed to be posted on june 1st#the stars just aligned for this to be at its funniest. which means its also easier for me to dismiss LOL#i drew this like a week ago after trying to draw a whole like. 5 page comic about it and then stopping it mid-board#bc it was horrifying imagining being perceived that much. so i needed to make it into a joke instead and this was the funniest route#and then i was like 'UGH. UGH!!!! i can not be 20 and deal with this like im 13. if i dont post it by the end of the week#then [the witness to all my rants on this topic. shoutout to twig bc they got the most of it] can joke abt it as if i did anyway'#and now its the end of the week and i looked at the date and went 'oh my god didnt may just start what happened'#'WAIT ITS JUNE FIRST. GOD. THATS TOO FUNNY TO NOT SAY SOMETHING' and who am i if i dont prioritize the bit honestly#in all honesty. kinda hate it! not bc of internalized homophobia but actually bc of internalized arophobia that has somehow been emphasized#after having my brain shift from '1000% aromantic without a doubt no exceptions' to 'just arospec ig lol??'#but tragically as it turns out. you can not just try and self analyze yourself into speedrunning closure.#horrible news for the oscar zymstarz community frankly#SO i needed a way 2 justify shoving this off my plate and into the trash as fast as possible.#im impatient and cant acknowledge my own emotions. its a flaw im working on it#oh and for all the ppl who know the running gag abt 'my allegations' [i do not have any real allegations for anyone not in jems server]:#that was in fact just a running gag for like well over a year and a half. like that was just a long running bit COMPLETELY unrelated to thi#i only started having this weird sexuality shift or whatever not too long ago lol. like long enough to go through 4 of the 5 stages of grie#[evidently bc like. im posting this. i got close enough to 5 to throw in the towel ykwim]#but on 'oscar zymstarz emotional acknowledgement' time that is....... not long.#but yeah ig tldr like. still ace [thank god] just arospec [probably demiro? i hate trying to figure out my own labels] instead of Aro now#idk none of this is that deep but also like it kinda is unfortunately bc i have to actually talk abt it to be able to ignore it ykwim#but i did! we're done talking abt it now! and now i can act like i dont care and try to make jokes about it to speedrun the rest of it#anyway. Happy Pride everyone. Fukign kitty.#side message to jem. by no means does this mean im not still gonna bully you. its a sign of love but also it is you specific bullying 🫶#you are not safe#edit: this is karma for saying 'thank god'. might be demiace too. this is the worst month of my life /j
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Sad to say that I WAS a crazy ex girlfriend. But being crazy isn't what made me a crazy ex girlfriend. Being a GIRLFRIEND made me a crazy ex girlfriend.
#does that even make sense#crazy ex girlfriend#LMAO WHY IS THAT A TAG#but yes that man made me into the worst version of myself. and it benefited everyone but me#except for my best friend who i sadly caused suffering#F in the chat for My Best Friend#I'm really sad because i know that this was a traumatic experience and that ive been permanently changed.#it may not seem like it from the outside but on the inside I'm so angry and sad#BOTH. At the same time. i never used to be angry#i dont miss who i was but i feel Crazy sometimes. i wasnt capable of this much jealousy before. these feelings are alien to me#i took a bite of the FORBIDDEN FRUIT (being completely open and vulnerable with abother person) and now i am capable of sin#sin being the normal human emotions i previously did not have access to#as well as some new forms of ocd#anyone else got the ROCD and scrupulosity OCD? Because i did. never let that happen to me again#ugh ugh ugh#for an aromantic guy i sure know how to. fag it up.#ive reached the point where i no longer miss the person he used to be BEFORE he stopped being nice to me#i miss stuff about myself#i feel meaner now i feel more defensive i feel less understanding i feel like my empathy gland is clogged#i hate that i cant recognise myself. i used to be PURE and INNOCENT like a LAMB#but now im not good enough to sacrifice anymore#your god would not be satisfied#love and affection can be expressed as long as its not reciprocated.
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had to drop $812 at Midas today for all new tires/a realignment, and then i got home to find wimsey bleeding like a stuck pig from a giant gash across the underside of his neck (not sure if one of the other cats literally went for the throat, or if he just clawed all the fur and skin off), and then i had to work an extra two hours to make up for the Midas jaunt, so today has just been A Day.
picture of the recuperating, grompy patient:
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#the only plus of the day is i read half of a new-to-me lucy parker book while waiting for the mechanics to finish#state of the angie b.#i've been SO GOT DAMN CAREFUL with my budget this month. i was $300 under it!!! i only had FOUR DAYS TO GO#and then today happened#so now i'm $500 over budget AGAIN and i'm not allowed to buy/do anything fun or get take-out for TWO MORE months#which is an EXTRA bummer because the oddities expo is july 20th#which means i can't get any new taxidermied friends or bones or nifty art this year. *sad siiiiigh*#also i gotta cut my groceries in half next month. i spent $300 on groceries alone this month. that's untenable.#(and it's not like i was buying fresh fruit and veg or meat or anything. that was just canned soup and pasta and microwave meals)#so july is gonna be a ramen month baaaaybeeee. what fun.#ANYWAY this is enough tag venting. i'm gonna go stab something 800 times (finish a cross-stitch to replace one lost in the mail)#(because YEAH a sampler that someone commissioned from me was lost in the mail and now i gotta make ANOTHER ONE#and then eat the extra cost for the second shipping. lololololol everything is GREAT.)
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I keep thinking about this (and it's not exactly a high bar to reach or anything) but the way Biosphere handled the gender/sex stuff was like the perfect blend of in character for two middle aged cis dudes (from the story perspective) and also being mindful/aware/respectful of transgender people (from a more meta perspective, though somewhat in the story also) and it honestly just kind of impressed me.
#SPOILERS IN TAGS IF YOU CARE // ->#the early movie juxtaposition of billy being like ''im turning into a woman??'' and ray who is more scientifically inclined opting-#to clarify and be like ''no. your sex organs are just changing''#and ray who has also spent a lot of his life trying to be a better and more open/accepting person being the one to tell billy that there-#are ''lots of people who are stuck with the genitals they don't want'' to try and calm him down/bring him back from freaking out/make the-#situation seem less isolating and alien to billy#and then the mid-to-late movie juxtaposition with ray cracking under his own fear and weight of the way he was brought up. saying-#(or nearly saying) a few less than savoury things. and billy who goes on his own little mental gender journey offscreen-#questioning if he was actually a man or if he just thought he was one because he ''had the bits and was told that was how it is''#ray who's made up with his best friend telling him that ''you're you'' and that thats the most important thing before all.#billy coming to terms with and honestly getting on board with his body and it's new functions while still feeling confident enough in his-#self identity to say yeah. despite recent circumstances it does feel right for me. he has gone from 0 to having crazy gender thoughts and-#despite a major change happening against his will. he's confident in his identity as a man. and separating that from what people have told-#them it MEANS to be able to say whether you're a man or not.#like. there are things said by these characters and to each other. that feel like they could be real.#and any strife or pressure or sense of bigotry is not from a meta place of malice. but a point for these characters to ponder and discuss-#their existence and upbringing and the way that they are.#like. god. hello. does this make any sense.#i learned that one of the producers is a trans woman and honestly that's maybe the least surprising thing about this movie#and i heard someone say that they apparently consulted multiple transgender people but i couldnt actually find a source for that so-#grain of salt for that one.#POINT BEING everyone go watch this movie NOW.#I've got a draft for a thing i want to draw based on this movie but i need to finish all my current tasks first#but god. it had the potential to be so bad. but it wasn't. it was so crazy good.#grafftalk#delete later
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i could draw anything but i decided to draw this. carlo and rocco in 1932 aka my headache
#^ this isnt real ofc but its what happening inside their heads (well in carlo's at least)#mfs when their old friend doesn't break under manipulation#“Lift up the receiver I'll make you a believer” punching the wall with fist#rocco was the underboss not eddie can u hear me!!!!!!!!!!! HELLO!!!!!!!!! (capo henry situation in terms of complexity)#no m2 did smth to my brain and now im incapable of writing normal relationship between people#anyway. things that makes sense only to me rn unfortunately:#“AND YET ALAS I WELCOME YOU KNOWING ABOUT YOU” its carlo @ rocco but works both ways i think. RAHHHHHHHHH#YET YOU THINK WE'RE THE SAME RAHHHHHHHHH#youre not who u are to anyone these days im not who i am to anyone no not me at all these days not at all RAHHHHHHHHH#carlo who was afraid of rocco (for a reason) when he started to run the family rahhhhhhhhh#“That son of a bitch!.. I fuckin’ knew it!” <-watch me put a lot more meaning into a phrase that shouldn't make so much sense#2kczech need to pay me for developing rocco's character btw if u even care . and for writing this fucking falcone family backstory#“Холодный и острый осколок гранита; Смерть Голиафа в руке Давида”#<- “A cold and sharp shard of granite; Goliath's death in David's hand”#i've listened to this song too much it became certifed rocco song to me#let's say rocco helped carlo a lot w preparing moretti family for a new don. just bc i don't think it was this simple#“your capo killed your don lets all pretend that its cool and normal and it doesn't matter that he ran the family for 23 years😋😘”#avart#m2#i wont tag this w fandom tags dear god this shit is so delusional#dear god rocco been a gap and a blank spot in this story for so long but now i genuinely like him#tho i'm still not done with his character yet but there's enough for me to like him#sorry. not normal bout them. not at all .#rocco & carlo
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coda is cute ; 3; i missed him~
#in shocking news the main character of my webcomic is in the next chapter orz;;;;#HE WASN'T IN THE LAST TWO u__u TRAGICALLY#sdfgh keep having to delete the tags i write bc i'm like#vibrating with spoilers#orz;;;;#THERE'S A SCENE COMING UP IN. A LONG ASS TIME NOW.#THAT I REALLY LIIIIKEEEEEEE u___u////#stay tuned~#LVL49 maybe??? /cries#dnw was supposed to end at LVL45 but i keep feeling like i haven't set things up well enough#and the series of kinda flashbacks that are LVL44-46#need to happen at some point it's either now or in the last arc :v#SO IT'S NOW
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the battle between "reach out to every new person you see online who seems cool" and "never talk to anyone Ever"
#the perfect in between is joining a new discord server talking for one day and then muting it. but unfortunately i am not cool enough for#anyone to invite me. sad.#i have been trying to get out of my. “comfort zone”. and try to make new friends.#shaking trembling puppy gif. im trying.#anyways sorry i never posted my art before and now am suddenly posting a ton. the reason was bc i didnt draw before and now i am#i want to improve and the only way for that to happen is through practice.#i suppose i should clarify on the off chance that more than my 3 followers see this somehow. i am friendly and will happily talk to new#people. reaching out is just scary lol. anyways#it seems like a good time to maketumblr my journal again. forgot how nice it is to ramble in tags
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