#<- man who doesn't have a phone

[goddesstrolls]

okay, you see, arjenn, i need you to google what a bramah chicken is. silkie chickens too. i think chickens would be great companions for you again. they're shockingly good guard animals. well if you're nearby at least.

"I know those brheeds, they werhen't what I had."

"Wherhe would I keep them? In my cloak? Herhding them along afterh me on the rhoad? As funny as it is to imagine siccing attack chickens on my marhks..."

"I wouldn't even be able to afforhd to feed them, orh get any sorht of carhe. I'll stick to my rhaven, she doesn't need much frhom me."

[jtl-fics]

Fluent Freshman - Part 21

PREVIOUS

“What made you think taking on a mafia hitman was a good idea?” Andrew asks as he and FF were positioning themselves the best the could for an ambush on Romero.

Since, they APPARENTLY had time to talk.

Romero had gotten the text Andrew had sent him and INSTEAD of coming out right away to progress the whole SCHEME to kidnap and murder Andrew’s Junkie like any sensible goon Romero went to the BAR. Romero went to the Bar to get him and Jackson a round of CELEBRATORY drinks. Romero is still there at the bar waiting to be served by an INCREDIBLY nervous Roland if the number of exclamation marks and puking emojis is to be believed.

What the FUCK is there to celebrate?

These two idiots want to kidnap NEIL and so far the only thing Romero knows (thinks) that they’ve caught are two people that Neil would come for but even in Andrew’s text he’d been clear that he needed help getting ‘The boyfriend and the new friend’ to talk let alone getting them to call ‘The Wesninski Brat’ out. Andrew had hated typing the name in reference to Neil but it was the only thing the two ever referred to him as in their chats.

Is it some insane mental game that Romero thought he and Jackson were going to play on Andrew and Smith? Toasting to their torture so they’d give up Neil? Who knows.

He realizes that FF hasn’t answered him, his eyes focused on the door when Andrew’s thoughts had drifted. A reliable guy, steady in a pinch, and focused like most the others weren’t.

(Andrew does not know that FF is thinking about how one would go about becoming a Mafia Hitman. What is that career path like? Do they show up at job fairs? Do you get a job as a short order cook at a business that acts as a front and see to much but you’re also the only one that knows the secret spaghetti recipe the boss likes so you have to sign yourself to the family? Are you out doing your own freelance crime and someone higher up sees your work one day and literally head hunts you? Is it like in Saw where you survive an ordeal and then-)

“Smith?” Andrew draws FF’s attention away from the door.

“I didn’t think it was a good idea at any point.” FF says and Andrew is surprised by the admission and is more surprised by the twist of FF’s lips into a frown, “I just did what I thought I needed to do.” He adds.

(Andrew does not know that the twist of FF’s lips has more to do with the fact that he is realizing that Romero likely STILL has not washed his hands. Romero hasn’t washed his hands and he is going to hand Jackson a DRINK with those hands. Ugh. Honestly a contract killer AND someone who doesn’t wash his hands? Who RAISED him? What does his grandma think of this? FF hopes she’s disappointed in him.)

“You thought you needed to lure a hitman into an alley?” Andrew asks because the plan is stupid even if so far it has worked out for FF. The fact that Romero hadn’t just come out when he sent Jackson the signal is only due to FF’s good luck and their stupidity.

“I didn’t have a lot of time to think up anything more than the first plan I thought of. I saw him looking at Nicky on the dance floor.” FF says with another twist of his lips as he self-consciously rubbed at his cheek. It’s never fun to have someone who has time to pick apart a plan that you barely had time to form. Andrew can understand the irritation and is glad that FF isn’t lashing out at him for it.

(Andrew does not know that FF is not irritated he is just remembering that he had held up his broken toilet bowl phone to his face to pretend call Captain Neil. He’s contemplating asking if Andrew maybe possibly has a wet wipe? Actually the murder van probably has bleach to clean up evidence, maybe he can just dip his face in there for like a minute.)

“Don’t use a plan where you martyr yourself. I already have to deal with Neil’s bullshit tendencies.” Andrew says instead of thanking him. “You should have just called me.” He says.

FF just holds up his phone, “Dropped into a club toilet. Completely unusable.” He says and yeah that makes sense. FF would have probably just texted Andrew but coming out and seeing a hitman going after Nicky probably made it impossible for the freshman to go get help without drawing all the attention to himself first if he wanted to make sure Nicky stayed safe.

Still.

“You dropped it into a toilet? You haven’t even had anything tonight.” He says because that clumsiness is not something he expects from FF.

“You try taking a pee next to someone on the FBI’s most wanted list and see how dry your palms remain when he’s talking about grabbing one of Captain Neil’s friends to lure him out.” He says with a brow raised.

That’s fair.

He figures that Romero hadn’t even noticed FF standing there. FF was incredibly good at just making himself unnoticeable (to Andrew’s occasional great annoyance and to Kevin’s great desire to study him for Exy related purposes).

“You recognized him?” He asks.

FF’s gaze slides to him, “I looked up a lot about the Foxes after I signed.” FF answers before his gaze slides back to the door. Roland had just texted Andrew that he’s getting Romero’s drinks ready (Two bud lites. Those are the celebratory drinks he waited for?? Embarrassing.) “I really looked up to Captain Neil. So, I read a lot more about him than anyone else.” FF admits but the fact that FF looked up to Neil was not in any way shape or form a secret.

FF was the only one who was ALWAYS paying attention to whatever Neil was saying and never argued with it. Even Andrew tended to just get lost in the sound of Neil’s voice when he’s going over Exy plays and not actually listen to the plan. FF’s eyes were always right on Neil and his actions on the court showed that he had been paying attention and knew what he was doing. Kevin also listened but he tended to fight Neil on the finer details of plays, strategy or anything else. FF was the one who would just nod and do his part in whatever possible play Neil had broken down for them.

FF was also categorically incapable of referring to Neil as anything other than Captain Neil.

Neil had bristled early on at it. He had thought it was a mocking title, something FF was saying to rile him up because that’s what Freshman Foxes did. That’s what Freshman Foxes always do. FF slid into the team without a whisper of rebellion and it hadn’t taken long to realize that FF was using the title with sincerity even if his monotone did not perfectly convey that.

It’d been that sincerity and that ease that had FF be the only option he’d considered when Bee said he should consider expanding his friend pool.

So if FF looked a little deeper into Neil’s past and sees Neil’s part in it as something to respect, something to admire?

Well, he personally thought he always had great taste in people. (He ignores the voice in his head that sounds like Nicky complaining about Kevin still not knowing German despite it being the family language.)

“You sure you don’t want one of my knives or the knife Jackson had?” It was pretty big and Andrew didn’t think it would work well with his general style but maybe FF could use it somehow. He was uneasy that FF was going into this fight unarmed. FF still hadn’t talked about how he’d taken out Jackson when the man had a knife like that.

“Do I look like Crocodile Dundee to you?” FF asks with a raised eyebrow and Andrew has to pause a moment for the movie to load into his brain before he offers an amused quirk of his own lips.

FF is a funny guy.

His phone dings. “He’s on his way.”

***

Aside from thinking about how nice the conversation he was having with his friend Andrew (his friend! His friend Andrew! God how is he going to admit to Gran that Andrew was never planning on stabbing him? She threatened to come over and square off with the ‘mean young man’ bullying him. He’s gotta go grab the makings for a secondary pie to even start to make up for this. Maybe Andrew would prefer a cobbler? He should ask his friend his preferences.) he was thinking about how he really wished they hadn’t had a cut away from Gracie Hart showing all the various forms of self defense she knows in the movie.

He had no idea if he could do a repeat performance of S.I.N.G. with Romero.

It’d be nice to have a few more things in his repertoire because all he has is striking Romero with the heel of his hand in the nose, getting grabbed from behind to throw him over his shoulder (which what if Romero is shorter than him? How will THAT work. Gracie Hart guide my steps!), and of course S.I.N.G.

If he survives this he might write a letter to the writer.

The door opens and honestly FF and Andrew agreed that surprise and speed were going to be their best weapons. The two of them go in for a full body tackle but Romero must just be a higher class goon than Jackson was since he manages to body them away. The door shuts which is mostly what they wanted anyways. Romero can’t go back in and grab someone to use as a shield.

He sees Andrew pull out his knives and now FF realizes that any level of threatening Andrew had done before must have mostly been in jest or just as intimidation. When Andrew wants to stab someone it’s obvious that he’s aiming to stab them.

Romero manages to parry Andrew’s first stab with a move that FF had seen on the ‘how to handle someone coming at you with a knife’ videos. FF sees Romero go in to bash one of the Bud Lite bottles over Andrew’s head so he launches his water bottle at Romero’s hand. The bottle falls and shatters harmlessly on the ground.

He kicks Romero’s other hand since the water bottle bought him time to get close. “You fucking brat!” Romero hisses.

He sees Romero reaching for something at the same time Andrew is going in for the second round of stabbing. Romero dodges out of the way but FF can see what might actually for real be an entire gun concealed in his jacket.

He can see Romero going for it. Sees the same smile on his face he’d seen inside as his hand wraps around the handle.

FF doesn’t think.

FF doesn’t think because if he does he’ll freeze.

So FF acts.

“Gun!” He yells and runs full force tackling Romero as hard as he can but unfortunately he tackles Romero into Andrew.

The three of them grapple on the ground. It’s hard to keep track of what limb is who’s and he’s pretty sure he’s accidentally hit Andrew a few times instead of Romero but he’s also pretty sure that Andrew punched him in the stomach so he thinks they’re equal. Finally FF gets a hand on the gun that Romero had been trying to get the safety off of and he knocks it out of Romero’s hand. “You kids will-“

Romero doesn’t get to say anything else because Andrew manages to land a punch right to his jaw that has Romero go limp under the two of them. They look at one another and Andrew manages to pull the handcuffs they’d purloined out of the Van while they were waiting off of the belt loop they were hooked onto and gets them around Romero’s wrists.

They stare down at the second unconscious man on the FBI’s most wanted list in the alley.

Then they roll off of him and onto their backs. Both of them wheezing from a combination of exertion, adrenaline, and (at least in FF’s case) a fair amount of pain (Christ Andrew packs a PUNCH his stomach is already sensitive. It’s a miracle that punch hadn’t made him puke.)

“That was…so stupid.” Andrew pants.

“Yeah probably.” FF admits.

They lay there for about a minute and FF thinks that maybe someone will need to carry him because his stomach is KILLING HIM with all this.

“Alright let’s-“

Andrew is sitting up and looking at him when he stops talking.

FF doesn’t really know what the issue is but starts to sit up, “Don’t you DARE.” Andrew hisses and FF finds himself being pushed back down to the ground to lay flat. “Don’t move Smith.” He demands and is pulling his phone out of his pocket as he keeps a hand on FF’s shoulder.

FF doesn’t really understand what’s got Andrew so upset all the sudden. “Andrew, what’s-“ he tries to sit up again. Is there a third person and Andrew wants him to keep down? There’s not really cover here they should move towards the dumpster maybe?

“Smith, I told you to not move.” Andrew hisses before whoever he’s calling seems to pick up. “I need police and an ambulance. We’re at Eden’s Twilight in the back alley.” He looks to FF, “What’s your blood type?” He asks.

FF has NO idea.

“I don’t know.” He answers and Andrew makes a disgusted sound. “Andrew, what’s-“

Then he sees it.

He doesn’t quite get how he missed it before now.

“Huh.” He hears himself say.

That’s Andrew’s knife handle sticking out of his stomach.

It appears that Andrew Minyard may have stabbed him in the stomach.

“Well, that’s about what I expected.” He says and lets his head rest against the pavement.

MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU

NEXT

Per your requests:

@i-have-three-feelings @blep-23 @dreamerking27 @andreilsmyreligion @belodensetdust @rainbowpineapplebottle @yarn-ace @iwouldlikesometea @lily-s-world @obscureshipsandchips @booklover242 @whataboutmyfries @sahturnos @pluto-pepsi @dreamerthinker @passinhosdetartaruga @leftunknownheart @aro-manita-muscaria @hologramsaredead @Chaoticgremlinswishtheycouldbeme @tntwme @tayspots @nick-scar @crazy-fangirl2524 @blue-jos10 @stabbyfoxandrew @splishsplashyouropinionistrash @sammichly @the-broken-pen @bitchesdoweknowu @very-small-flower @ghostlyboiii @its-a-paxycab @bisexual-genderfluid-fan @cheesecookie @theoneandonlylostsock @foxsoulcourt @blueleys @adverbialstarlight @elia-nna @can-i-just-stay-in-the-corner @nikodiangel @foxandcrow-inatrenchcoat @hallucinatedjosten @satanic-foxhole-court @vexingcosmos @chalilodimun @insectsgetcooked @angry-kid-with-no-money @queer-crows @lillyndra @themugglemudperson @readertodeath @apileofpillows @mortalsbowbeforeme @hellomynameismoo @next-level-mess @youreonlylow @interstellarfig @notprocrastinatingatalltoday @percyjacksonfan3 @queenofcrazy27 @bsmr261 @ghostlyscares @spencellio @adinthedarkroom @harpymoth @sufferingjustalilbit @anxietymoss @oddgreyhound @ohno-myhyperfixation-itsbroken @ken22789 @atiredvampire @isoldescorner @not--a--pipedream @azure-wing @bushbees  @roonilwazlib-main @crumplelush @foldedaces-paperbirds​ @thesenseinnonsense​ @let-tyrants-fear​ @ketchupfriesandallthingsnice​ @legowerewolf​ @deadlydodos​ @but-we-respect-his-craft​ @cariniqe​ @zanypersonapricotbiscuit​ @lesbian-blackbeard​ @lesbiansupernatural​ @silvermasquerade​ @thepeachfuzz​ @minniemariex @kazoo-the-demjin​

The requests to be added to the tag list keep being spread out across a few different areas. If I missed you please just ask again in the replies I promise I just missed you.

As stated before if you’re up here and I spelled it right but you didn’t get a notification there might be something switched around in your settings that won’t let me tag you properly?

[gaywizardzone]

love this guy happy birthday to him (not a birthday post but it is his birthday). some jokes about trivia from one of hoshino's instagram livestreams that made me laugh and made my environmental scientist friend who wants to eat poisonous things without dying simply for the joy of studying the experience want to kill him

[imissthembutitwasntadisaster]

kdrama b couples will be like tee hee there's been a minor misunderstanding! we're too awkward to confess our feelings! oh no we like each other and keep bumping into each other but due to prior circumstances we have to ignore our slowly blossoming flirtation! and kdrama a couples will be like Every Day We Experience The Horrors

[wasabikitcat]

I had this realization a few days ago when reviewing what we know about Gaster while theorizing about the mysterious Valentine from the newsletter and idk if other people have pointed this out yet, but I haven't seen anyone else talk about it:

I don't think Gaster's disappearance has anything to do with Core.

The Core is only mentioned in relation to Gaster once, in this dialogue from one of the Gaster followers:

This dialogue is why most theories and fanon built around the idea that Gaster fell into the Core, which for reasons unknown to us erased him from existence. But I'm now pretty convinced that this is a red herring, because it doesn't actually say Gaster fell into the Core. It says he made the Core, and that he fell into his creation.

It does not say that this creation is the Core.

The dialogue is written in a way that leads you to assume the creation he fell into was the Core, but that doesn't really make much sense considering the rest of the dialogue.

The dialogue says "they say he created the Core," which implies this is second hand knowledge, but then says with certainty "One day, he fell into his creation." Why do they know for sure he fell into "his creation," but only knows he created the core from what others say?

If you talk to the follower again, they say "Will Alphys end up the same way?" Why would Alphys also fall into the Core? As far as we know, Alphys doesn't maintain the Core; if I remember correctly, a few monsters at Mettaton's hotel are stated to work in the Core, so wouldn't this follower be more concerned that those monsters will end up like Gaster and not Alphys?

And another question that I think fanon has just ignored due to the assumption it was something we don't yet know about, but I am now wondering about: Why would falling into the Core erase Gaster from time? When traveling through Hotland and viewing the Core in the distance, Alphys says this:

And while this dialogue may at first seem indicative that the Core is more mysterious than a normal geothermal power generator (and it is in some ways), remember: Alphys didn't build the Core. Alphys doesn't understand how the Core works, not because it has some unnatural property that could erase people from space time, but because she didn't build it. Not only does this mean that the Core is likely just a power generator that utilizes the lava in Hotland to produce geothermal energy and convert it to electricity, it also means that Alphys doesn't work on the Core, because she doesn't know how it works. So why would the Gaster follower worry about Alphys ending up like Gaster if she doesn't have any involvement with the Core?

Additionally, that Gaster follower is the only one to mention the Core in relation to Gaster. In fact, one of the other followers says something that could be interpreted as actively contradicting his erasure being caused by the Core:

This follower says "his experiments went wrong," and doesn't mention the Core. Why would Gaster be experimenting with the Core? And if he was, we don't know anything about it.

But you know what experiments we do know Gaster was working on, because it's literally one of the only pieces of dialogue we have from him?

And do you know what other creation was presumably made by Gaster, as Alphys is unfamiliar with it's operation? That is also a creation that was actively being used in experiments, which Alphys is continuing to perform herself? Experiments that are directly involved with something we already know can alter time and space? A creation that is located in one of the most mysterious areas in the game with several oddities in it that are straight up never explained, multiple fourth wall breaking moments, and a couple explicit references to things we believe are associated with Gaster? A creation that suspiciously resembles in appearance the form of a character who canonically can alter time and space, not to mention resembling the thing that's literally called a GASTER BLASTER???

[seaofolives]

🎭 #torokatober2024 day 5/31: goggles 🎻

Ring, riiing…ring—

Click!

“Trowa! My gog—”

“I have it. Sorry, I couldn’t tell you sooner. I just got back.”

“What a relief! I’d been searching everywhere…”

“As soon as I saw it in my luggage, I figured you might have panicked. Do you need it back now?”

“No, just keep it safe…I can fly over and get it in the weekend.”

“…ha, ha…mission accomplished.”

“What?! Trowa, did you steal my—”

“No, it really was misplaced. Well, Sis would be happy to see you.”

“…just her?”

“Can’t say. Let you know when I fetch you from the spaceport.”

find the list of prompts here!

[clove-pinks]

I forgot that it's James Fitzjames' birthday today, but coincidentally I've been thinking a lot about a comment someone made about his letters and journals. Specifically they said he sounded modern and ahead of his time—and I've been chewing on that because, on the one hand, I think he sounds very much like he's from 1845, but I can't deny that he sounds less old-fashioned than many of his contemporaries.

At first I thought it was his relative lack of religiosity. 19th century polar explorers (and military men) often invoke God's blessings and mercy, thinking of family back home or danger narrowly escaped, etc., but Fitzjames is pretty secular. It's subtle, but it definitely makes him sound different.

But maybe it's all of his ridiculous stunts? The high kick, the numerous impersonations in costume, the lengths he would go for a prank! He's not just fun-loving, he sounds like he would Do It For The Vine. It's easy to imagine him filming himself doing something goofy and sharing it online, and being smart enough to disguise his identity (as "Tom Bowline"?)

[theguardianace]

man. it hasn't even been a full half day of this event being out and im already drafting a fic for it. what an absolute RIDE thsi has been.

[crystalleoi]

5C

[beaversatemygrandma]

Interview. Interview. Oh Another interview. Interview. Interview. Guess what's next? An interview that a manager is like "Today at 2pm sound good?" which I took bc yeah, it was good...

I'm tired.

Now will ANY OF THEM ACTUALLY Call Me Back???

[mystmesstolemysoul]

me: Seven...?

707: ye?

me: how much does Zen hate cats?

707: oh, he doesn't actually hate them, he just gets violently ill

me: oh thank God. I have three cats I'm unwilling to part with, and if Zen threatens that it won't work out.

zen: *long-suffering sigh (except it's a struggle because he can't breathe out of his nose because cats)*

[inquisitorhierarch]

yet another day of seeing Thee Worst lotr take from someone authoritatively declaiming about it like they're an expert on this godsforsaken hellsite lmfao

[monty-glasses-roxy]

Just had the idea of doing a Roxy askblog that's based on it being a secret blog she's not allowed to have and every so often if someone asks her something she just says stuff like "To the Fazspy reading this, I'm not the real Roxy." to try and throw the staff off her trail lmao

Will probably never make a blog like that, but it could be kinda funny. Maybe I bring the idea of an 'ask Roxy anything' game back where I draw the answers for it instead so it's not a whole ass blog dedicated to Roxy being a sneaky lil shit on the internet

[kelpiemomma]

Melli in the gear station family au is like that one lovingly overbearing family member who comes to see you at your job and tell you that you're doing a great job, except he needs an excuse to tell Akari & Rei their doing a great job so part of his getting lost is intentional and part of it is genuinely accidental (hc he has an absolutely terrible sense of direction and gets lost in a straight line, Zoro from one piece style) so when they find him and help him he's like "you two are SO GOOD at your jobs, the BEST employees here, honestly" and like half of the ten most recent gear station reviews are from Melli praising Akari and Rei.

Ingo and Emmet ask them if he needs to be banned from the subway and the younger twins are like "no, he's fine. Embarrassing but he means well and it's all good." (They have a hunch that Melli Knows Them which is why the kids are fine with hanging around him and helping him, but also all three of them are so at ease with each other that they had to ask just to Make Sure everything was fine even though they were Pretty Sure there was no issue)

[strawberista]

Headcanons Meme: click the link to get some random headcanons about your muse

⚀ Hanekoma is awful with technology and doesn't know how to use a smart phone. ⚀ Hanekoma has a roblox account. ⚀ Hanekoma believes in ghosts and insists on trying to summon one at every sleepover. ⚀ Hanekoma had an emo phase. ⚀ Hanekoma sucks at saying tongue twisters. ⚀ Hanekoma likes to sing at 4 in the morning. Their neighbors hate them. ⚀ Hanekoma makes your mom jokes. ⚀ Hanekoma wears Hello Kitty socks. ⚀ Hanekoma cannot drive. ⚀ Hanekoma is very good at using chopsticks.

Tagged by: @phoenix-flamed {Thank you!} Tagging: Please steal!

[meowmeowmessi]

every peps quote abt messi makes me feels so exasperated if you want to fuck him so bad being him to england my GOD

tears you know what they say abt absence making the heart grow fonder...