#<- just coining the tag because I can sue me

[meova101]

Seeing as we’re in the fifth month of the year, inching closer to the sixteenth day of it, and I totally don’t need a pick-me-up after yesterday’s race... would anyone be interested in Sebchalday next week

[dove-da-birb]

Meet William Chaloner

Picrew | Picrew does not belong to me | I decided to give Chaloner a glow-up since I accidentally deleted the OG photos ; - ;

"Issac Newton's nemesis. Mischievous, outgoing, and has a knack of getting into and out of trouble. Throws apples at Newton /j If you know the thing about the Mint, then you know how petty these two are." - My OG description of him.

A conman at heart, Chaloner is willing to do just about anything to make some money all while pertaining a mask of innocence. He can read people fairly well, and use that to his advantage. Despite his cunning ways, he does let his pride get the better of him, especially when it pertains with that Warden of the Royal Mint, Issac Newton.

He doesn’t live with the other vampires and bites his thumb at Issac whenever he sees him out and about. Even after all these centuries, those two hate each other and they still fight in public.

Voice Claim; Atsushi Tamaru [yes, they will all be TWST VAs, sue me]

Birthday; November 27

Height; 183 cm

Past Occupations; Counterfeiter, coin clipper, confidence trickster, quack doctor

Current Occupation; High end clothing boutique owner

Hobbies; Counterfeiting coins and mocking Newton 

Dislikes; the authorities, Issac Newton

Specialty; Getting away with schemes

Weakness; His own pride

Favourite food; Figgy pudding

Hated food; Herring

Vampire type; Lesser vampire

Animal Companion; a rough collie named Thatcher

Some History [all Wikipedia babey, I did my time writing academic papers and this is for fun]

William Chaloner was many a thing during his most active years. A nailing apprentice. A bawdy pocket watch seller [among other things]. A quack doctor selling faux cures to plague victims. And a ‘fortune teller’ who would tell patrons where their stolen belongings were, for a price of course. And a used clothing seller.Tried conning the Bank of England as well. But what he’s best known for is his rap sheet with the Royal Mint and its warden, Sir Issac Newton.

Within his first year of producing counterfeit coins, he had already amassed a fortune and bought himself a house, a carriage to ride in, and clothing befitting a gentleman. He was briefly married for a short stint, but had to flee town due to being a person of interest in a robbery.

He repeatedly tried conning the Royal Mint. His first ploy was to pretend to be just a concerned citizen and bringing up questions about the Mint’s reputation with the amount of counterfeiting. But in January of 1696 he was taken in for questioning and he pointed the finger at the Mint for producing counterfeit coins, questioning the integrity of the people working there. “I never made a guinea in my life,” but he had, and had gotten rich because of this. He also tried to persuade the Mint to hire him, but never was accepted. 

Issac got tired of Chaloner escaping justice and eventually had a watertight investigation done on him. He even made sure a ‘hanging judge’ was the one overseeing the trial to ensure that Chaloner didn’t get away from him again. While in court Chaloner accused everyone of perjury, and thus put the blame on him in order to save their own necks. He also pretended to go mad while locked up, but that didn’t fool Newton. In the end, William Chaloner was found guilty of treason, for the act of counterfeiting coins.

"Present" [aka when MC gets teleported to the mansion]

He mainly makes an honest living nowadays, but he still has that mischievous streak in him. Once he sees Issac out in the street he goes back into counterfeiting currency, and it's an entire benny hill scene, and you're caught up in the middle of this mess. Chaloner hates Newton because 'the bloke' tried to get him executed, whereas Newton hates Chaloner because the man tried to make a fool out of him. He throws apples at Newton, and Issac throws rope at Chaloner; it's a mutual relationship.

Tagging; @azulashengrottospiano [and also jackdaw anon I hope you see this too ^v^]

[fedonciadale]

There is genuinely nothing more disgusting anti feminist and mean spirited than the fandom's attitudes towards arya and sansa. Like i feel like i cant enjoy any arya blog wo them having some kind of weird desire for arya to brutally murder sansa and wear her face. Or for sansa to just become a walking doormat w no personality. They want arya to become this great lady mary sue queen and it's just so... disappointing. The whole reason i love the stark sisters so much is how they represent 2 sides of the same coin of womanhood and femininty. I dont know how you put up w the fandom the way you do. Theres so much wank and stupidity.

Hi there!

I can only urge you to curate your fandom experience. I've long stopped following the general ASOIAF tag or the Ary@ tag. I censor Ary@ ships and her name, blacklisted J0nrya and Jon€rys and the Anti Sansa tag. I rarely see anything I don't like on my dash.

It is a pity that I cannot follow the Ary@ tag though, because I actually and really like her, have liked her from the very beginning. So, I'm quite sure I miss on some great content, but the great content is just not worth getting riled up by stupid takes and the 100th reason why Ary@ will become Queen over Sansa (who obviously was disinherited by Robb, 🙄) or why Ary@ will kill Sansa.

The only thing that consoles me is a) that I learned more about internalized misogyny and that gnc does not mean you're cooler than girly girls as I grew older. So some of the Ary@ fans might learn that as well, and b) that the Stark sisters will work together in the books.

Thanks for the ask!

[aliensunflower-fics]

In Defense of Salt AND Sugar: Aka ML Fandom pls chill out.

So I don’t talk much as those who follow me will say I tend to just stick to myself and my own things. HOWEVER, Ive gotten a lot of asks about why I write both Salt and Sugar for Miraculous Ladybug.

The short answer: Both salt and sugar are valid, fun, intriguing things to read and write and the point of writing is to entertain and be entertained.

The long answer: Salt isn’t inherently someone hating on your fav show and sugar isn't someone necessarily giving it a free pass either. Ya’ll are just dramatic as hell.

The LONGER answer:

I write salt because I LIKE Miraculous Ladybug, BUT the show has not lived up to its potential AT ALL. The show could be so much better and the characters are so flawed or full of holes that occasionally I feel FRUSTRATED and mad!

I hate that Alya a character who I was so excited about, gets shafted ignored, sidelined, or written like a jerk! She could have been this great detective working alongside her friend to unmask the villain, but instead she often comes across as pushy, obsessed with Ladynoir or Adrinette, and so damn easily tricked. Not to mention how when shes not gushing over her ‘ships’ shes pushed to the side and ignored. [or you know... LILA]

I hate that Marinette’s crush makes her do things that are so cringy and awkward i feel ill I hate that she’s constantly the only one making mistakes and ‘learning lessons’ when the show has all these other great characters that could use the spotlight and be the ones learning lessons. I hate that she’s so jealous and that she cant ever seem to catch a break as if the show is punishing her constantly.

I HATE that Adrien is a mary sue, how the writers say hes perfect and treat him as such, I hate that he gets to guilt Marinette into fixing everything and dealing with bullies, I wanted a funny, Ron Stoppable, naive boy who learns about real friendships and grows into a great partner. Instead he gets to be pushy and downright a jerk as Chat Noir ignoring his responsibilities, guilting Ladybug with his feelings, never taking no as an answer. He’s not a good role model for kids.

I hate that Chloe got built up to have a redemption arc several times only for the writers to decide that Chloe a teenage girl who needs some serious therapy [and actual reasonable punishment for her actions] is worse than Gabriel child abuse Agreste. She could have been a great lesson on compassion and growth and dealing with your own pain without hurting others. Instead the writers wrote her off completely.

And dont get me started on how the show treats Nino, Kagami, Luka and the rest of the cast. They may as well be a backdrop for the forced love square that we NEVER get a break from. Seriously I’m a sucker for romance but does it need to be EVERY damn episode?! Can’t we just get some wholesome friendship between everyone including Adrien and Marinette at this point like COME ON.

And i’m not even touching on the white washing, awful lessons on responsibility and forgiveness, awful lessons on well so much other stuff really, the guilt trips, the teacher, the fact that she show could be used to teach kids how to better handle negative emotions and the importance of open communication and not keeping quiet about injustice and/or your feelings but instead decided that the main priority should be a love square that gets force fed to us EVERY SINGLE EPISODE.

My point is the show has FLAWS. That doesn’t mean its the worse show ever and it doesn’t mean its not fun, and has a great premise and characters, and so when I write Salt I write it because i’m frustrated! Im frustrated with the show, with the characters, with the writing and so I vent that out with salt I write those characters as their worst selves because I cant stand how the show has decided to treat them and Im ANGRY and disappointed.

It feels good to write salt and to read it. It’s nice to see characters get called out for bad behavior, its nice to read about Adrien not getting the girl. Its nice to occasionally indulge in salt because it validates that the show is flawed and lets you get out that frustration.

BUT ON THE FLIP SIDE

Miraculous Ladybug is a lovely show. It’s a show that decided to give little girls a FEMALE HERO. And not just as a side kick or background character! No they made her the protagonist! Its so important to me that little girls see good well rounded female characters in media.

And even if the show is clumsy about it they are TRYING to build an expansive lore that tickles the theorist brain. And gets people invested in the world.

The show also made Marinette shy, and awkward, and clumsy something a lot of girls deal with during puberty as growing up can literally make you clumsier as your body adjusts. Having a character who tries to be positive and tries to find solutions who solves things with creativity instead of pure violence. Thats LOVELY for young girls to see.

Growing up I loved and admired Kim Possible, and probably would have loved Marinette, even if the shows not perfect I can admit its trying and I can see why people love it as much as they do! And why they write these fluffy sugary fics its the reason I WRITE fluffy sugary things.

Because even though I am frustrated and angry and disappointed with the show, I still see Alya’s potential and how great she is as representation to little girls who want a black female superhero so I write fluff where Alya’s loyalty, compassion, cleverness and her pursuit of justice are center stage.

I see how Adrien could be better and I want him to be better and I WANT him to be the naive funny comic relief the Ron Stoppable to Marinette’s Kim Possible. I want Adrien to grow and learn and spit in his dad’s face I want him to overcome the abuse and be happy. To show people that neglect and abuse doesn’t mean you will get stuck like that forever, that you can overcome that and be a better kinder person.

I want Nino and Kagami, and Luka and Chloe and the class to grow and get attention and have funny moments I want to laugh and make other people laugh! So I write prompts focused around comedy and shenanigans and where the characters get to be fun and silly and make decisions for themselves!

SO IN CONCLUSION:

I write salt AND sugar. I see the value and merit in both sides of the coin, and I respect how other people see the show. I know its easy to get angry with other people in the fandom who see the show differently then you do but please can we put down the weapons and just BREATHE.

Someone who writes salt might LOVE the same show as you, and they might in fact love it so much that they vent their frustrations in angst and salt and cracky fics. Let them vent about how they wish the show was better, leave their tags alone or block them if you cant stand to see it. But dont attack salt writers for ‘hating on your show’ when they might love it just as much as you do but want a way to vent out their feelings.

On the flip someone who writes sugar might NOT be forgiving the show for its flaws, they might see all the same flaws as you but decide to take that frustration and write fluff and fix it fics and sugar because they want to indulge in a version of their favorite show where everything is just... OK. Where everyone is well written and happy and the character development sticks. Stay out of their tags let them have their sugar, they aren't writing it to hurt you just like you don't write salt to hurt them.

So ENOUGH. Enough hunting each other down, enough sending each other hate, enough filling each others tags. Let people write SALT if they feel angry and vengeful and disappointment, let them have their tags, let them explore the dark side of the characters, let them rant and rave and be HURT when the characters they love upset them with their actions. Its not your place to tell them to stop, to tell them their feelings are invalid, to tell them that ‘adrien is sweet sunshine boy how dare you’ or ‘alya would never’ or ‘i hate your marinette leaves dupont au’. Just leave it be, heed the tags, and let it go.

AND ENOUGH. Enough hunting each other down, enough sending each other hate, enough filling each other tags. Let people write SUGAR if they just want something to feel happy about. Let them makes coffee shop au’s, let them make fix it fics where everything is just happy without needing 8 pages of backstory for why everything is just happy. Let them squeal and gush and talk about the ship they like and the fluff they see. Its not your place to argue with them that the show is flawed, its not cool to ruin their fun by accusing them of not understanding the flaws, to tell them ‘umm actual this character shouldn’t get to be happy’ or ‘wow this is so shallow’. Just leave it be, heed the tags, and let it go.

PS: Now with that said and done. I do have one final message for everyone - If you write/enjoy pedophilia, if you sexualize KIDS. Then get the fuck out of fandom spaces, stop fucking following me, and do everyone salt and sugar a favor by LEAVING. Your pedophilia and child sexualization aint wanted, aint ok, and I will fight you.

PSS: IF YOU HATE WHAT IVE SAID ABOUT SUGAR AND SALT FINE OK I RESPECT YOU REGARDLESS. ENJOY THE SHOW, STAY CLASSY, DONT HURT PEOPLE BECAUSE THEY HAVE A DIFFERENT OPINION.

[supercharmed-forever-mine]

Today I will be addressing SuperCorp and some of the issues that have been floating around about fandom. And I will be saying some stuff that both is for it and could be used against it even though I am ultimately a super big supercorp fan. Like it says in the tags you're free to express your opinion but they will not be changing mine but I am always open-minded to opinions that can actually be explained and eloquently expressed (receipt's needed) and aren't just basic. Also just so what is noted I have been a part of this fandom since the first episode I have literally shipped Kara with everyone from Lucy to Cat even James.But Lena has just stuck out the most for me but I'm Equal opportunity.

Number #1, Lena's character in no way shape or form has ever been xenophobic she has never once shown any hate towards aliens her problem with Kara in season 5 Wasn't because she was an alien it was because she was a "Super" like Kara could have been a flying purple fucking octopus from the planet of shzjxfdf and Lena wouldn't have gave two fucks but no she was a "Super"but let's dig deeper on that point if we really look at why she was mad it wasn't even the whole alien aspect it was because she wasn't told and no I don't think she's entitled to it but I do think it played into the fact of a trust issue she has with the fact that people would think she would be just like Lex if she had been told Sooner. Which is disproved in 5x13 (also personal note: I also think she wouldn't have reacted half as bad if Kara had just told her that night at game night or the next day when she wanted to probably still would have been pissed but not to the same extent). But okay with that being said I do disagree with the kryptonite entrapment torture scene and basically half the s*** she did in season 5 it was shown that she truly can tap into her Luthor side and be dark when wanted but fortunately she does always return to the light and in all fairness it has been shown several times that Kara has a dark side of her own that could rival the luthors.

Number #2, I do disagree with the abuse of actresses and actors just because of a ship and or character they play don't blame them it's just a job they have I think Melissa and Katie do a beautiful job of bringing Kara and Lena's characters to life couldn't imagine anybody else playing them.

Number #3, I also will say about the reason bombarding of comments on Nicole's social media at least I saw the video via tiktok in that video was fucking hilarious I love Nia, Dreamer,and Nicole in general she's funny and beautiful and is an advocate for everything good in life and well it is normal to even ask other actors if they have the scoop on anything it does not mean we need to be bombarding them in videos on something relating to their character or their love of something a simple comment or so maybe but what I saw NO.

Number #4, The William of it all well I think though his character seems like a nice gentleman he also seems to be bland as hell also I did not know he was a POC to be honest I thought he was a tan white man and we'll be doing further research on people in the future as I can learn from my ignorance also but unrelated I did not know that the woman who played Maggie was apparently just a tan white woman I thought she was of some sort of Hispanic descent but apparently not according to various things I've read on here tonight... But anyways back to William I feel like a lot of people might have perceived him as a white man therefore that might play into the whole scenario of people hate that they just want two white woman together when it proves if she was a man they wouldn't give two f**** about it whether that's true or not I don't know but mine two cents.

Number #5, I will never bash someone for being for or against a certain ship and or character and well I am allowed to certainly disagree with their opinion all opinions are valid because we all see the world a different way some see it bright and shiny and others like I'll admit myself see it through the glasses of trauma. And I think that's why we all have the opinions we do most of the time when you like a shipper character it's because you relate to them somehow even if it's the most minor thing to someone else it might be huge for you. You never know what the person on the other side of the screen is going through in those characters or ship or fanfiction might have literally saved their lives.

Sidenote: Like okay personal story I was been both mentally and sexually abused as a child so I relate to both Kara and Lena respective childhood trauma so that draws me to them. And I kind of see them both as the opposite attract trope (two side of the same coin) because well we never fully get over trauma Kara had a great support system with the Danvers whereas Lena didn't get that with the luthors I mean sure she had Lex at first but even that was only to a certain extent because of his psychopathy that was starting to manifest he couldn't perceive human emotions the same as Lena who in my opinion is just a big mushy nerd who can be a badass when needed as evident by the season 6 episodes after she's quit L-Corp she's constantly trying to help out inventing new stuff and she's wondering how Nia's suit works and it just shows that she just has a curious mind and also she looks happier even with the guilt she feels over Kara's phantom zone incident when Nia called her a part of the family that smile could lit up a city all she's ever wanted is to belong and I can relate to that therefore to her.

Number #6, I feel like this should have been addressed in earlier number but as far as sexuality goes I would want to believe Kara is pansexual because of everything I've ever read and saw I don't believe she perceived sexuality like humans do because of her Kryptonian upbringing for the first good chunk of the life. Like even though she says she's not gay in the first episode, A. It was the first episode so they didn't even know where the story was going in future seasons if they got them also that means maybe she just didn't perceive herself as the Earth's definition of gay. B. Even in the first season she made a comment about how she bought Lucy was gorgeous and hell she would date her. C. She made some comments about Irma and other woman that don't sound totally heterosexual and don't get me wrong women can admire the beauty and intelligence of other women without it being sexual but as a bisexual woman it just struck a cord in me you can tell the difference when it's coming from a straight woman mouth. Now on the subject of her and Lena strictly I do think there are instances of "queerbaiting"because just because you perceive they haven't been promised to us doesn't mean that some of us haven't picked up on things or the fact that they're simply queerbating because somehow they do hype up Kara and Lena to keep a nice chunk of the audience who ships them mainly those of the gay variety interested in the show which is also considered queerbaiting. Also the fact that they've been called sisters or family or my personal favorite "that's what friends are for"doesn't mean crap because honestly at this point the overuse of friends just sounds more like they're trying to convince themselves than us.*** Also I don't know about you but even on the basic level of things they've done I've never shown half those feelings towards my friends and the ones I have it's because I started to think of them as more than friends.

Now with Lena's sexuality no they have never shown her as anything besides straight canonically but don't get me wrong she totally sends off that college experimentation vibe especially with Andrea for some reason but that may just be me.

Number #7, my main point is let's just be kind to one another because guess what there is toxicity from every ship in a fandom there will always be shitty people on both sides and then there will be those of us who just want to see the characters together for one reason or another and yes I'm not afraid to admit that part of my reasons I want to see two gorgeous woman kiss sue me LOL.

Number #8, the conclusion of my rant is that how about we leave the hating to the ones who want to do that and the rest of us like adults or whatever your age is in the fandom that has any type of maturity behave because I truly do wish the best and in the end well I hope they end up together I'm realistic that they probably won't especially due to the CW Network motto of "homophobia and racism"because they've already broken up several good gay and interracial couples on that show. But at the end of the day my true wish is just that all of the characters end up happy and healthy.

Best of luck to all shippers out there anti and supercorp and or any other couple alike may we try to make it out of this with a modicum of sanity and even if they fail us we always have fanfiction thank you and good night.

[chandelier-s-notebook]

Yoo! I’m back in with an 11 Chapter (subject to change) story. This was made for the TWB Fic Flip, unfortunately I wasn’t able to finish the whole thing by the deadline, but chap 1 is out.

Let me know if you wanna get tagged when I post new chapters. @sleepysnails.

Ao3 Link

-------------------------

Techno Blade strode into the old gas station on the corner opposite the local mall. He winced at the harsh fluorescent lighting that welcomed him in from the crisp evening air.

He lowered his hood and ran his fingers through his short pink hair. His roots were coming in, he’d need to grab some dye as well tonight. Taking off his backpack, he began placing items in--trying to fit as much as possible: beef jerky, canned peaches, chocolate bars, a couple energy drinks a pack of Tic Tacs, and some box dye from the ends of the isle.

Techno glanced at the cashier. He liked when Tango was on shift; that guy didn’t give a shit about anything and cared more about Clash of Clans than whatever thievery Techno was doing whenever he came by.

“You plan on paying for that stuff?” Tango shouted across the room, still immersed in his game. “You know I don’t get commission if you steal it?”

“Of course!” Techno called back. He snorted to himself, it said a lot about his life that he and the cashier could joke about him stealing from the store. Techno grabbed another bag of beef jerky, slipping it into his steadily filling backpack. He heard the ding of Tango opening the till and the sound of coins splattering on the counter. “For Tommy,” he muttered, reminding himself why he was risking a criminal record.

There was an emergency exit he knew he could use down by the bathrooms. Techno studied the monitor that was supposed to display feeds from the four security cameras, but those were still busted from when those college seniors ransacked the place the week prior. Four different static patterns danced back at him. At least that would make his escape easier, not that Tango couldn’t point him out in a line up.

He grabbed a pack of gummy worms and put them at the top of his bag. “For Tommy to share with his friends.” He smiled to himself. Gosh he was going soft for the kid.

“Get down!” The front door was kicked open with so much force that the previously fractured glass shattered upon impact with the wall. “Hands where I can see them!” a male voice yelled.

Techno didn’t do that, his confrontation response telling him to stay put and out of it rather than submitting. Instead he crouched down and leaned his back against the aisle shelves, peaking out towards the counter. There were two guys pointing guns at Tango; one was ginger, black jacket, medium height, orange bandana peaking over his collar; the other was taller, but he was also less confident in his stance, blond, and he was wearing a purple sweatshirt--one that Techno was certain he had seen a thousand times before.

“Guys guys,” Tango said, trying to placate them. “I’m in the middle of something. Can this wait?”

“No. No it can’t,” he voice said again, clearly put off by Tango’s causal demeanor.

“Really? Cause I gotta get back to my Clan War…” he trailed off.

“Aren’t there more important things than a Clan War right now?” a new voice asked.

A voice that Techno recognized. If he thought the hoodie gave it away then the voice was the nail in the coffin. He let out an involuntary “Why?” before he could stop himself.

All three heads turn to him. “Like I said, in the middle of something; there’s a customer here.” Tango spoke slowly, as if the situation was finally dawning on him.

The ginger turned his gun towards the store. “Show yourself!” he demanded.

“Isn’t this place a little low profile for Las Nevadas?” Techno tried to joke. Eyes darting towards the door, Techno put his hands up. “I’m just shopping.”

“Not you’re not.” Fundy Soot smiled menacingly. “We’re doing a robbery, if you couldn’t tell. Take what you need and scram. Don’t call the cops either.”

“Got it.” Once Fundy turned his attention back to Tango, Techno grabbed a pack of M&Ms and shoved them in his backpack as well. He leaned down to zip it up, before tossing it over his shoulder and snagging a tube of toothpaste on his way out. Sue him, he needed a refill.

Techno carefully stepped over the shattered glass, and made his way out of the building. He regretted leaving Tango to deal with the gang, but sometimes he needed to put himself first. Always. Always put himself first. Techno vaguely wonders if he’s ever actually bought anything from this gas station.

“It’s immoral to steal,” yet another voice from the left side of the door called.

Techno whipped around and took in the man next to him. Techno first took notice of the red fabric folded neatly into a handkerchief pocket: a bandana. “You with those guys?” he asked, taking a step back.

“Maybe I am. Maybe I’m not.”

“Then why aren’t you calling this in?”

“Why aren’t you?” the man countered.

Techno gave him a sarcastic look, the sides of his mouth twitching in displeasure. “Because the guy with the gun told me to run, so excuse me.” He pivoted to make his escape.

“Say I said I was with those guys,” he said before Techno could make his escape. “What would you do?”

“I would assume you are Wilbur Soot. Brown trench coats and fluffy hair are the signature look of that guy. Looks like you’re watching over your brother and the new kid.” He shifted uneasily on his feet, ready to bolt. “Las Nevadas, saw the marker, figured it was polite to ask.”

Wilbur nodded, a gleeful smile taking over his face. He held out his hand. “Gimme the bag.”

“I need this.”

“Give it here.”

“Please,” Techno said, taking another step closer to his car. “Why do you need to take my stuff? You have two guys in there with guns.”

“That’s different.”

“How?”

Wilbur opened his palm, getting impatient. “I just want the M&Ms, kid.”

Techno glared at him, but he nonetheless opened his bag and handed them to the man. At least he could keep everything else in the bag.

“Thanks.” Wilbur ripped open the packaging and tipped his head back, sliding half of the bag into his mouth.

Techno took a tentative step back and waited a second for Wilbur to wave him off. “Hope Tango’s okay,” he muttered to himself on the brisk, stiff walk back to his car.

He threw the bag into the passenger seat and rested his head against the steering wheel--trying to slow down his beating heart--for thirty seconds before remembering that there was a robbery taking place ten meters from him, and he did not want to deal with the police.

Techno snorted to himself, and turned on the engine. As if he hadn’t gone in there with the express purpose of stealing.

He sighed deeply as he took stock of himself. He didn’t get shot--which was great. He also had a lot more food to add to his stash. His and Tommy’s stash.

Techno groaned out loud. Tommy. The person in the purple sweatshirt was definitely the kid’s friend Purpled and now he was going around robbing gas stations with Las Nevadas. “Why? It could have been anything else, but no: he just had to go and join a gang.” Techno slammed on the gas pedal more than was necessary. Techno parked his car a couple streets away from his foster home. He waited for a few minutes to collect himself. “Eleven thirty,” he read off the car’s dashboard. “Gonna have to use the window.”

He arrived at the house. Through the ground floor window he could see that the lights were on at the back of the house. The house he was in is quite old, and he’d managed to snag a room in the attic with a bay window jutting out the side of the roof. He’d had it for as long as he could remember, in fact the Foster Bitch’s was the only house he’d ever had the displeasure of living in.

Unfortunately, Techno was in the circumstance of having had to do this a hundred times. He hopped up one of the columns holding the overhang above the porch, feet slotting into familiar grooves. Swinging himself up on the shingles and quickly making his way to the concave corner of the building, he used his momentum to push himself up the next two stories. Finding the familiar scruff marks on the window frame, he hoisted himself up to the top of the roof.

Techno looked out at the street below, it was a nice few all things considered. He went to open the window.

Locked.

Right. It had been storming the night before and he forgot to open it in his rush to get to school that morning.

Techno looked up at the sky. It was nice out, and he wasn’t one to be bothered about sleeping in day clothes--better than facing the wrath of the Foster Bitch for entering the house at such a late hour. He’d have to sleep on the side facing the backyard, he remembered what happened last time he slept on the roof.

Techno knocked on the window. Yes, Tommy should be asleep right now, but it didn’t hurt to check. After a minute he knocked once more.

Techno smiled at Tommy through the glass when the kid finally dragged himself out of bed to let his roommate in. The blond stuck out his tongue and opened the window. “Evening Blade,” he whispered. “What brings you back so late?”

“Sleep,” Techno said, slipping into the room. He snorted at the sleepy, unamused look Tommy gave him. “Stuff. Did you eat?”

“No. The other kids got to it first.” Tommy closed the window behind them, leaving the latch unlocked. “Like always.”

Techno hummed and unzipped his bag. He dumped the contents out and started organizing them.

“How did you get that?”

“Don’t worry about it.” Techno dug through the pile and pulled out a pack of beef jerky. He tossed it in the general direction of Tommy’s head. “Leave a slice for me.”

Tommy caught the bag and quickly tore it open. He watched Techno disperse the food around their shared room, taking note where each item would be. “Techno?” he called in a small voice.

“I know, Tommy. I’m careful.”

Tommy’s shoulders relaxed slightly. “Techno if you’re caught they’re going to send you away!” he said, still a little distressed. “Then how am I going to survive here?”

“I won’t get caught.” Techno reassured him. “And if I do, I’m not getting sent away. If that was the case I’d have been gone before you even showed up here last year.” Techno hummed; he remembered that party. Some kid he’d never spoken to couldn’t afford to lose their scholarship so little seventh grade Techno had taken the blame for the alcohol serving party held at the house that night. He chuckled as he remembered gaslighting the whole community that it was his idea, not his finest moment, but one he was proud of nonetheless.

Being barred from the dinner buffet for two weeks had been worth the reputation points. Plus, he learnt valuable hoarding skills in that time. The Foster Bitch was fine--all things considered--but she was under the impression that if she put out a bunch of food on the table, everyone would get an equal portion in the mad dash for sustenance.

That wasn't the case. Techno could get food just fine, but Tommy was a gangly fourteen year old with too much height and not enough bulk; it was virtually impossible for him to grab food off the table.

“I’m not going to get caught.” Techno said putting the gummy worms on Tommy’s night stand. He held out his pinky, “I promise. I’m safe.”

“Techno,” Tommy whined, unhappy with the response--ignoring Techno’s hand. “That stash is bigger than normal.”

“I know.”

“Techno.”

“The cashier was busy with something else.”

Tommy’s voice took on a colder tone. “Techno.”

“Tommy.”

“What was the cashier busy with?”

“Stuff.”

Tommy huffed. “It wasn’t a Dream Team thing was it? You shouldn’t be hanging out with them.”

Techno snorted. “I’m older than you. Aren’t I the one who’s supposed to tell you to stop hanging out with the wrong crowd? Dream’s fine. Besides, you hang out with his little brother.”

“Well yeah!” Tommy’s voice got defensive. “But Tubbo’s Tubbo. Dream’s in the news for stealing and shit.” Tommy munched on his jerky angrily, even if he was going to stay oblivious: they both knew that Techno didn’t have the money to pay for this. Tommy dropped the friend’s point and moved to double down on the previous one. “What was the cashier busy with?”

“Stuff. Not Dream. Not death. Just stuff okay?”

“Not death?”

“Not death,” Techno agreed sagely.

“You aren’t going to tell me?”

Techno took off his hoodie and belt, but otherwise didn’t bother with pajamas. “Nope.” He settled into bed and held out his hand for Tommy to pass him the food.

Tommy stared him dead in the eye as he ate the last piece of beef jerky from that particular package. Techno rolled his eyes, but he understood; Tommy had heard that from Techno before: the not explaining where he’d been. He knew not to bother his foster brother, but that didn’t mean he had to be happy about it.

The next morning Techno and Tommy didn’t bother going to the kitchen for breakfast. Instead, they ate last night’s stolen granola bars in the comfort of their dingy penthouse suite--attic room--and listened to the thundering feet of the ten other foster’s in the house racing to get some food.

“If you want another, then take another.” It had taken a long time for Techno to teach Tommy that it was safe to take food from his stash; as far as he was concerned it was their stash. Hopefully, Tommy would stop feeling guilty about not asking, although that didn’t seem like it was happening any time soon.

Tommy sent him a half smile and scoffed down another bar. The two of them got ready for school, and were soon in Techno’s car. It was a ten minute drive to the high school, and Tommy sang along with the radio at the top of his lungs. It would be endearing if Techno wasn’t socially exhausted from the extrovert living in his room.

“I’m on top of the world, eh!” Tommy shouted, flipping off their foster siblings waiting at the bus station.

“Tommy.”

“What?”

“Don’t be a dick.”

“ I’m on top of the world! ”

Techno kept his smile to himself.

He rolled the car to a stop in the school parking lot. Before Tommy could open the door and vault out, Techno spoke. “Today’s a ‘going to Bad’s after school’ type of day.”

“What? Why?”

“Hanging out with Dream.”

Tommy’s face soured.

“Come on, don't be like that.”

“It’s not that I don’t like Bad. I just don’t like Dream. He’s bad news, and in the news.”

“It’s just an English project. We need to make a PowerPoint on something or other.”

“Okay,” Tommy said stiffly.

“I don’t police your friends. You don’t police mine.”

“Tubbo’s not in the news. Neither is Purpled. And you can’t complain about Ranboo.”

Techno thinks back to last night with the Soot brothers and the new kid in a purple sweatshirt. “Put a pin in Purpled.”

“No!” Tommy looked appalled at the insinuation Techno just made about his friend. “Have some faith. Tubbo and Purpled won’t turn out like their older brothers. Crime isn’t a gene that runs in families!”

Techno smiled sadly. “I hope not. Get out.”

“What do you mean ‘put a pin in Purpled?’” Tommy demanded.

Techno shrugged him off. “Text me if you leave Bad’s, I’ll come pick you up later.”

Tommy harshly pulled at the car door. “Tubbo won’t be like Dream, and Purpled won’t be like Punz.”

“I never said Purpled was a mercenary!”

Tommy got out of the car, slammed the door, and flipped his brother off before marching away.

Techno was so glad that they didn’t share any DNA. Could you imagine that? But just because they were brother’s out of necessity and foster placement didn’t mean he didn’t care about the kid.

[g--r-e--e-n]

Of herbs and riddles Pt.1

Pairing: GN! MC x Satan.

Content: Fantasy AU for Obey me! MAX that was supposed to be posted as a whole but I can't fully finish it on time so at least have this :')

Warnings: It says hell at some point but I'm not sure if that's a swearword. Pretty sure anything else is not worrying, please tell me if you think otherwise so I can properly tag any sort of danger away!

(Edit: Apparently says "hell" several times. Sue me or something, I'm already crying either way.)

"Good morning, sir!" You cheerfully welcomed the young man crossing your apothecary's door. "How may I help you?"

He smiles softly, reaching the counter and looking you with the most beautiful piercing eyes you had ever seen.

"Good morning to you too." The man greets elegantly, his golden hair reflecting the candlelight filling your modest shop, the morning sun still to weak to allow the flames to die as they had been made to. By his clothes and the softness of his long and slender fingers, you soon understood he was one of those few big fishes passing by this small pound that your village is. "My dear brother has gained quite a wicked heartburn after a rather copious dinner. I was hoping you would have some remedy for his condition."

"Sure thing, sir!" You gladly answered. You loved your work as much as it was possible, and having such an interesting customer was definitely a plus, specially since foreigners were known for their generous tips. "Let me see..."

You begin wandering around your store, the magic candles now dying to let the soft sun come through the window.

The young blonde man stared quietly at you, following you quietly and looking over your shoulder towards the dried leaves and small bottles. He had seen many in his books, old as time itself, yet memorizing all of them would've been imposible within a mortal lifetime. However, instead of jealous, he felt mesmerized. There were little things he admired as much as knowledge, and you were filled with it.

Getting his head our from those thoughts, you turned around with some little bags.

"Give him a cup of chamomile tea and root of Ginger, he shall be fine sooner than a cock sings. If he's not, come over again and I'll give you a special bred of tea I'm working on." You started walking towards the counter again, closely followed by your customer and the smell of the herbs. "Giving him something to chew on rather than eat could help him too, if you feel on a rush."

"Thank you" He absentmindedly replied, the jewels in his eyes lost in the little bags you handed over, a slight hope blossoming in your chest. He said nothing about being unable to come again, so perhaps he was a newcomer rather than a traveler. "How much?"

"Two pieces for the root, the rest is on the house" you replied, keeping your smile as you handed the goods over. "After all, you're new here, aren't you?"

Your client stared at you, taking the plants and handing you the money ever so graciously you felt like you had met an angel. Four coins weighted down your hand.

"That we are." He softly said, a smile to his face. "My older brother came for a gig, he was the main wizard in the neighboring village, but he soon fell in love with this land of yours and made all of us tag along."

There was something this guy wasn't telling you, you just knew.

"Are you a wizard too, sir?"

"Not quite. I'm just a librarian." He vaguely answered, shrugging. "And I better get home before my brothers begin to grief me."

You let go a soft laugh, as he flashed you another of his smiles, turning his back to you, hand waving in the air as his silhouette.

"Wait!" You stopped him. You needed his name, something, anything, and you didn't even know why.

"Yes..?"

"... Don't let him drink milk. Makes it worse."

He laughed a bit, saying something you didn't quite want to hear, too embarrassed. What the hell had just happened?

You sighed, trying your best to keep on working, sorting your material and attending the folk with a smile brighter than the sun itself.

You had made yourself a name thanks to your knowledge, being one of the few fools to dedicate your life to science when magic was a thing. Nobody would've betted anything on you, but here you were, healing people better than any witch ever could, knowing by heart every plant that grew around your hometown.

It had been hard, but you felt like you were living a good life. You felt happy with your own situation, and after the librarian's visit, you could barely keep your heart from bouncing in excitement, hoping to meet him again.

Your chance, of course, took you fully by surprise, way sooner than expected.

It had been four days, and you were about to close after a pretty exhausting day of work when the librarian entered the place, any complains dying on your throat at the sight of his worry.

"Good evening sir, are you alright? Is it your brother again?"

You walked over to him, concern painted all over your face, but not daring to invade his personal space.

"No. Yes. What you gave me last time worked marvelously. It's not that." He sighed, closing his eyes for a second. You could see the dark skin under them. "It's other brother, actually. He's a reckless young man, and got himself in a fight. His condition is not serious, but he keeps on complaining about the scars that might be left in his face. Do you think you could help him?"

Oh. So his brother was that one idiot that tried to get away without paying from the butcher. God, you hoped he wasn't too bad.

"Yes, sure, one second." You nod before looking from plants again, his gaze fixed upon them as last time, making you somehow nervous. Perhaps a little conversation could help, while you grab the herbs. "So... Have you been sleeping fine, sir? You seem rather tired to me."

You slowly turn around, some bottles resting in your arms, softly clinking against each other as you walked towards the counter.

"I'm reading a book full of riddles." He admitted, feeling oddly at ease withing your little shop. "This far I've solved them all, yet there's one that I can't quite lay my finger on."

You start mixing substances, peeling carefully some aloe.

"Well, why don't you tell me the riddle? Maybe I can help you out."

The librarian stared at you in disbelief. Did you really think you could solve something he didn't?

Of course, he didn't really want to refuse, and would much rather see you fail by yourself.

"Sure thing" he says with a smile, his eyes shining dangerously. "I am valued by men, fetched from afar, Gleaned on the hill-slopes, gathered in groves,

In dale and on down.

All day through the air,

Wings bore me aloft, and brought me with cunning

Safe under roof.

Men steeped me in vats.

Now I have power to pummel and bind,

To cast to the earth, old man and young.

Soon he shall find who reaches to seize me,

Pits force against force, that he's flat on the ground,

Stripped of his strength if he cease not his folly,

Loud in his speech, but of power despoiled

To manage his mind, his hands or his feet.

Now ask me my name, who can bind men on earth,

And lay fools low in the light of day."

You rise an eyebrow, sealing mixing your little beverage with as much energy as you could gather.

"Sir, you must be kidding me. How could not figure that out?" You questioned, staring at the liquid to check it's colour and quality. "It's mead. Honey mead, they make some at the monastery up the hill. At times I use it to make some of my beverages taste nice, it makes any biter taste disappear."

The librarian blinks a couple times. He had thought wine to be the answer, which apparently was a close call, but whatever you were talking about didn't really ring a bell.

"It's an alcoholic beverage, right?

"Never tried it?" You were rather surprised, really. He looked like a fine man, one of those who would attend hundreds of fancy dinners. How can he not know his liquors?.

"My brothers don't like me drinking." He admits, a defeated smile to his soft lips. "I pretty much stick to tea most of the time."

"At least it's healthy!" You smile at hin, handing the mix. "Here you go, sir. It's oily and a bit thick, the onion extract might itch a bit, but worry not, it'll work perfectly. Rub it against any mark your brother might have left and it will soon be gone. If the mark happens to be darker than his skin, cut a lemon in two and rub it against the wound."

"Thank you." The blonde man smiled cheerfully, your conversation very obviously pleasing him. You had no idea how close he was to ripping the book's pages apart because of that damn riddle. "How much?"

"Two coins shall suffice, sir!" You handed him your gooey mix, receiving five whole coins in exchange. Your eyes wide . "Sir, I beg your pardon, but isn't this a bit too much? You already paid me double last time!"

He shakes his head gently.

"Two for the medicine, two for the riddle, and one for humouring me. What is it but fair?"

He messed up your hair before you could complain, soon heading home to his brothers, leaving the fire grow on your cheeks, too stunned to even close the shop as you were supposed to.

You couldn't help but find yourself hoping to meet him again, waiting for another three days to go by. Your dear librarian, however, took very little time.

In two days, he was already in front of you again, while you attended your neighbor's cuts, not allowing yourself to get your attention from the poor man no matter how handsome your new favorite customer was.

In a few minutes, your neighbor had already paid and waved you goodbye, happy as ever. You couldn't stop yourself from smiling like a fool, loving your job, before finally paying the librarian some attention.

"Good afternoon, sir! How may I help you today?"

"It's one of my brothers" he said, to none of your surprises. Honestly, he must be wasting a fortune in helping them. How many brothers did he even have? "He's been failing asleep during his shift at work, through his studying lessons, and I'm afraid he'll end up sleeping his days away. Would you be able to help me?"

You nood, soon heading to fish some herbs, as always followed by the tall man and his cryptic gaze. You didn't even know his name yet, but something about him felt like meeting an old friend.

"You know, I usually would give you some green tea, but..." You softly smile, pulling something from the bottom of your shelf before facing the young man, showing him your little treasure. "A friend of mine likes to travel. At times, he brings me this to help me whenever I feel tired or sick. I'm not exaggerating when I say it makes miracles! It's called Siberian Gingsen, but you might as well call it the holy grail. Just please remember to keep the dosage small and preferably during mornings, unless you want your brother to stay awake all night. "

Your customer nods, listening closely.

"Your brother does not have any heart issues, does he?" You ask, slightly ridding off your excitement. "We could try something else then."

He softly shakes his head.

"No, don't worry. That little brat is surprisingly healthy seeing as how he spends his days doing nothing." He sighs. As much as he enjoyed Belphegor's company, at times it was a bit worrying. No human should sleep this much without being considered dead. "How much is it?"

You stare at the Gingsen, struggling a bit. You had never thought of actually selling it, but it's not like you needed it anyways, so that's not really a reason to rise the prize. Still, it's an imported good, right?

You sigh, realizing you needed an assistant more than you'd like to, before going back to your default smile.

"Two coins shall suffice, sir!" You gifted him a smile Satan knew he would not forget in some days now. Despite his blush, he handed you four coins. "Sir, please..."

"Two for the remedy. Two for... Going to the fair tomorrow?" His words surprised you, and even if you tried your best to hide it, you were red up to your ears. "I heard from some villagers you don't usually frequent that sort of events, so I really won't mind it if you decline, but... I think we could have a nice time there."

His gentle, genuinely caring tone softly melted your heart, sweet as belladonna and just as dangerous.

You didn't really have a life aside from the shop and, at times, the market. All your free time was spent diving between pages, looking for all the information you could gather, and something in this almost stranger's eyes told you he wasn't really a party kind of person. God, ge didn't even know honey wine.

"Sir, I... I don't even know your name." You mumbled, confused, not used to how blunt this gentleman was, not even moving his eyes, calling yours like light calls a moth.

"Oh. Right." He said, faking surprise, not really willing to admit he liked being called "sir" ever so politely, fairly sure it would ruin the whole mood. "I'm Satan. A pleasure to meet you..."

He expectantly looked at you, and soon you gifted him your name, his new favorite sound.

"And now that you have a name to call me by, will you come to our little date?" He tried his best to sound secure, fearing he already knew the answer. "I'm sorry, I hope I'm not coming off as too strong. I just-"

"No, it's fine. Why not?" You smile as you best can, still nervous, but way too afraid the situation would worse with Satan's lose tongue. "Let's meet tomorrow morning at the fountain, shall we? Usually there's music as early as sunrise, I'm sure you'll adore it."

"Then I'll trust you" he answered, genuinely glad this turned out so nicely. It almost seemed like a dream. "Now, I shall go before that brother of mine falls asleep again."

And just as elegantly as he had entered, he left, his image lingering in your memory for a while.

A date.

You were having a date.

A date with the gorgeous foreigner who just so happened to frequently visit your shop.

A date with Satan.

What the hell.

[theoriginalsuki]

Oh no, when has Rian punched down to ppl? I had thought he was a respectful dude, and I've always been kinda defensive when it comes to Rian, especially since several ppl who worked on TROS have said some pretty mean things about him and TLJ before and after TROS released (TLJ ain't perfect, but I think the hate it got was a little out of proportion) but I wouldn't like it if he acted in a rude way :( so far, I haven't seen him talk badly about others?

So there are a couple of things that he’s done that I’ve taken note of.  Just a disclaimer: I don’t know him personally, obvs.  I give him the respect I give any person by virtue of his humanity.  I wouldn’t say anything about him that I wouldn’t be comfortable telling him to his face.  So if I ever meet him, yeah, after the small talk, I’d say, “Hey dude, what was up with that?”

Part of being mature and growing up is recognising the flaws in our heroes and still liking the good things they’ve done.

The one instance I have concrete access to, and so I’m not afraid of misquoting or taking it out of context, was a tweet by some guy explaining (paraphrased) that a Mary Sue is a legitimate term for a character who never fails significantly and is always better than everyone else around them (another term would be, plot vortex, and it’s more accurate, because the Mary Sue is less about characterisation and more about how plot moves around and interacts with the character in question).  Rian jumped on this guy, who did not @ him, and said that it was impossible to separate the definition from how ill-meaning people used it, and that it was “sexist bullshit.”  That really irked me.  You don’t get to tell someone who is not speaking to you that they’re using a word wrong.  And I am abso-freaking-lutely DONE with the push that any criticism of a female character must be inherently sexist.  So I had some serious side eye for him there.  Perhaps the entire exchange was taken out of context and misrepresented him -- I’ll allow that things on the internet are not always as they appear.  But crying sexism is a sure way to push my buttons. Another thing I recall, which I do not have immediate access to, so take this with a grain of salt -- is that he and his team coined the name of a Youtuber to use it in a disparaging way because the Youtuber criticised his work on Star Wars.  That’s just very immature.  You don’t do that, and you certainly don’t publicise that you do that.  I don’t care if the Youtuber is a neckbeard or an SJW snowflake or a basement-dwelling weirdo, you don’t attack a person because you don’t like the substance of what he says.  No, you act like a grown up and dismantle his arguments.  Again, ad hominum attacks is a sure way to push my buttons.

I get that he’s probably sensitive, like most Hollywood types -- and hey, I’m a creative, too, it doesn’t feel good when people don’t like the art you’ve poured your heart and soul into.  But be the bigger person.  Especially if you’re the one with the worldwide platform, loads of money, and contacts in high places.  It’s just not cool to go after a nobody. (For similar reasons, I avoid tagging these posts with anything that would attract the Fandom Menace or vociferous, anti-TROS Reylo crowds.  Cause I’m not interested in being yelled at on the internet by people who actually aren’t at all interested in changing my mind or hearing my opinions.  I trust sharing with the people who have been subscribed to me for a while because they’ve probably interacted with me enough to know I’m an approachable person with nuanced ideas and opinions.)

Obviously, you can disagree with me!  That’s the cool thing about being adults with opinions.  We can have opinions and still be ... well ... adults!  And maybe all parties will learn something new in the process.  :)

Thanks for the ask!  x

[sweeneyxlaura]

"#can you feel the poison? #and laura's sorta the antidote to that" I AM SUING. She really is!!! They're both totally and completely in denial about it but you can see from the pilot to s2 how much she's changed him just from spending time with him -- I had more thoughts to go along with this but now I'm blanking so I'LL JUST SCREAM

GURL, you can sue Pablo for that because that tag was actually inspired by his quote from way back when!

Pablo Schreiber says that “antagonist and ally” relationship between Mad Sweeney and Laura Moon will be tested big time by his allegiance to Mr. Wednesday when the Starz drama returns for Season 2. The leprechaun’s destiny “is tied to Wednesday, no matter what, but it’s also very thoroughly tied to her,” the actor says. “So Sweeney is walking the line, balancing what he owes Wednesday and what he’s realizing he feels in other places.”

I love this idea of Laura coming into the picture and just throwing everything off-kilter, especially when it comes to Sweeney…like instead of worrying about Laura upsetting his plans for Shadow, maybe Wednesday shouldn’t have underestimated the kind of influence Laura would have on Sweeney, right?

The thing is, I think Wednesday KNOWS Laura is partly the reason for Sweeney’s evident “softness”. And I might be wrong, but I kinda think him demanding Sweeney kill Laura all over again was a test to see how much Sweeney was willing to fuck everything for his battle. I mean…because, at this point, why is Laura even a real threat to Wednesday? He knows she’s a corpse rotting by the minute, so all he really has to do is sit back, keep Shadow away from her and she’ll eventually stop being a problem for him. And it’s not like Shadow’s been vying to be by Laura’s side either, so what other purpose does killing Laura really achieve here except to test Sweeney’s loyalty, to cruelly put him in this impossible situation where he has to choose between his battle and, as Wednesday implies, the woman he fell in love with?

And since you’ve noted the change from the pilot to S2, specifically 2.07, I love this idea of Laura being sort of this catalyst to help Sweeney shift his priorities the other way - instead of seeking war and being a collaborator of death, he ultimately chooses to love and bestow life. And the more he does so, I think the more confident he becomes in realizing that that is the right path.

And that confidence is never more apparent when you compare Sweeney in S1 vs. S2. There are quite a few overt examples, but I especially love the subtler details of how we see that, notably in Sweeney’s general vibe and body language. For example! In the pilot episode, there’s this constant acidic undertone laced into Sweeney’s words in that first scene at the Crocodile Bar. You can hear it whenever he interacts with Shadow/Wednesday, and it’s like you get the sense that this dude’s just angry all the time - like he sleeps angry, gets dressed angry, eats his breakfast angry, etc. But that anger is contained, you know? It’s passive-aggressive, and there’s this key moment where he’s asking Shadow whether he knows who Wednesday really is. And it’s all secret-like, and then Wednesday pops out with drinks and Sweeney’s all, “oh shit…shhh…“ like he was afraid of getting caught:

Then throws him this resentful look, but says nothing and looks away, like he wants to stab Wednesday through his good eye, but knows he can’t.

When they meet again in the morgue’s kitchen in 2.07, the sharpness in his voice is gone. No more snide, backhanded comments…instead, there’s exhaustion and a sense of tired resignation, even as he tries to quit and demand for his battle, it seems almost half-hearted. Or maybe he’s just tired of asking for it. Either way, it’s kinda telling, right? He knows Wednesday isn’t going to give it to him that easily, and it’s also this realization of what it’s going to cost him to get that battle. Maybe in the past, the circumstances in his life made it easy for him to do shitty things for Wednesday - he didn’t have much to live or fight for. But now? It’s Laura he’s fighting for (and his own (sorta newfound) sense of integrity), to the surprise of Wednesday and probably even himself.

You ever hear of that thing where an idea or belief can hold greater power and truth, just from the sheer act of you speaking it into existence? I feel like that’s kinda what’s going on here.Like, he was never really all that conscious of what Laura means to him until that ^ moment, and you can tell from his subsequent conversations about Laura with Salim and then Shadow how much Laura does play a role in how much he cares about her, and possibly more so than his battle. And indeed, by the time we get to the big dinner/death scene, the battle he’s long angled for feels less prominent. Like Laura, he recognizes that the “root fucking cause” is Wednesday, that Wednesday was “always his battle”…which is quite the change from what he told Laura once, of how “gods fuck with us, that’s just what they do…” he now shares the same anarchist spirit as her…see, they’re perfect for each other!

And back to body language, look at his swag during the dinner scene in 2.07…it’s a nice contrast to ^ that S1 scene – the way he disrupts the dinner and keeps all eyes on him vs. him doing anything but be intrusive at Jack’s, e.g. playing darts; how he openly tries to upend Wednesday’s plans in front of Shadow and anyone else sitting blithely in Wednesday’s corner vs. clamming up about Wednesday’s true nature to Shadow; and finally, the physical confidence he throws around, the eye contact, the irreverence of his tone challenging Wednesday:

*SPLOOSH* Amirite?

I think some might say that Sweeney would’ve eventually come to blows with Wednesday, that maybe Laura wasn’t as intrinsic of an influence on him, but to me, I think his actions in 2.07 only confirm how important the Laura Factor is, given how little power he actually has. Because at the end of the day, Sweeney doesn’t have much power at all, if any, really, and I think that’s the most important aspect of why Sweeney does what he does. Why he agrees to be Wednesday’s bag man for centuries on end, why he kills Laura when he knows it’s wrong, and why he longs for a glorious death in battle that’ll restore his sense of honor…but then Laura comes along, and suddenly, he has this weird power to affect things - it’s not godlike power like Odin’s, it’s these little things that work to reverse how much Sweeney held importance in things that made him miserable. I’m talking about the #soft movies he made like how he can refused to kill her again for Wednesday, yelled at her for rotting too fast, how he let Laura and his coin go after their big blunder in Nola, and how he tried to ensure Laura’s safety by warning Shadow to keep her away from Wednesday…these are choices that, to me, illustrate how much it’s purely about Laura and her well-being and not necessarily about his battle, his coin or anything else that’s self-serving. That maybe he can’t change his own destiny much, or really sever his ties with Wednesday, but he can, at least, do something to change Laura’s for the better. And that’s quite the change from the guy who was planning watching her liquefy so he grab his gem. 

Ok, what a ramble, jeez. Also, thank you for being patient - I had to take a bit of a hiatus from tumblring. :)

[quokkalatte]

The Last Guardian pt.1 [JJK]

Part One

Category: Series

Pairing: Trico!Jungkook x Female!Reader

Warnings: language

Tag list; @dee-the-moonchild @shadowstar @guccitaedown @sugarysloth @reinyrei @avalanet @purpleleafarmy @agentlokidottir

× × × × × × × × × × × × × × × × × × × × × × × × × ×

"I still don't understand how you could have turned down Kim Namjoon like that" Jiwoo shakes her head as we walked through the fields on the outskirts of our village. Young children screeched and yelped with joy as they chased each other and played games. It was the first non-rainy day in over a moon, and everyone was taking advantage of it. The adults mulled adults round fixing damages in the buildings, elders sat around in the sun swapping the same stories of their youth.

I shook my head, my foot skimming the water lightly, fiddling with a bit of the water reeds growing from the muck. I turned to look at my sister

"How could I not? He was basically asking me to be his baby maker while he ran off and played with sticks. It was also a way he could possibly have a higher spot just because our father is in the head council. It's a strategic move Jiwoo."

"That can't possibly be true. He's been eyeing you for awhile. He must like something other than our father's position." Jiwoo contradicts.

While everyone was playing and doing work, Jiwoo and I decided that going down to the pond to dip our feet in the cool water and talk, but of course that idea had been thwarted. Because Kim Namjoon, one of the tribe's main protectors, had intercepted us and asked for my hand in marriage. I'd barely spoken with the man, and he wanted to marry me. It was obvious it wasn't anything emotional, but strategical.

"He doesn't love me Jiwoo. I don't want to marry someone who feels nothing towards me. How awful would it be to be chained to a stranger? He'd be the only one benefitting."

"Everyone expects it from you though. Father would be thrilled"

"More like have a stroke. I still thinks he's dead set on having me wed to Taehyung"

"But he isn't from our village" Jiwoo frowns

"Something about political alliances. Taehyung is nice, but not my type" I wrinkle my nose and Jiwoo sighs.

"Sometimes I wonder if you even have a type Y/n. You reject any man in our village."

"I just haven't found the right one. Sue me."

"Y/n" Jiwoo sighs

"Noona" I whine back at her, and looked at my feet, drawing shapes over the water's surface. "I don't want to talk about Namjoon or Taehyung or any boys anymore. I just want to enjoy the day" I mumble. Jiwoo sighs, her expression softening

"Okay, no more boy talk"

I nodded, digging my foot into the mud of the lake's bottom. I frown when it skimmed something flat and hard. I leaned my leg out, using my toes to dig at the ground. Jiwoo raises her eyebrows at me.

"What are you doing?"

"There's something in the mud. I'm digging it out" I tell her

"it's probably a stick or something. Leave it be" Jiwoo says. A shout from behind us caused us to turn our heads. One of the guards was waving us back to camp, as they normally did before sunset. Jiwoo rose from the dock, but I continued my digging. "Y/n come on we need to go. It's not safe after dark" she says, glancing at the setting sky nervously.

"One second" I say, and slide off the dock and into the shallow water. Jiwoo groaned, and I stuck my hand into the mud, finally pulling free what I had been digging at.

"Good job Y/n you found a coin" Jiwoo deadpans. "Come on, father won't be happy about us being late"

I pulled myself back onto the dock, still staring at the coin. I ran my finger along it, feeling the grooves imprinted into it. A ripple of green light shimmered across its surface, surprising me. My eyes widened, and I quickly hurried off to see Jiwoo.

"So....I hear Namjoon asked you to marry him" my father said during dinner. I closed my eyes, letting out a deep sigh, before nodding slowly.

"He did" I answer. I catch my father and mother sharing a look, smugness on his face and my mother returning a hopeful glance.

"So, uh, what did you say?" He says in a nonchalant tone, trying to mask his eagerness. It churned my stomach, now knowing he wanted it just as much as Namjoon must have. My twin brother, Hoseok, peered at me over his meal.

"Namjoon? Kim Namjoon?"he frowns. "Why would you want to marry him?" He snorts dismissively.

"Namjoon is one of the village's main protectors Hoseok" our father says steadily.

"He's a pompous prick" Hoseok sneers. Our father glares at him

"Watch your language!" He snaps.

"Hobi..." our mother finally spoke, sensing the upcoming fight.

"I'm just saying! The guys agree with me. He thinks he's better than everyone else" Hoseok also happened to be a protector, and would complain to Jiwoo and me about his commander's behavior, another reason why I'd turned him down. I trusted Hoseok's judgement over my sister's. He knew facts, she knew fantasy.

"Well he is the captain. He's supposed to be" my father says, and then turns to me, and my heart thudded and my hands grew sweaty. "Well? Will I be able to welcome Namjoon into our family?" He says, fond at the thought. I looked down at my uneaten food, then back at my father.

"No" I say. The entire room went silent, and it was Hoseok who recovered the quickest.

"Alright good job Noona!" He laughs. My father fixed him with a viscous glare and then turned it on me.

"Why?"

"Because I agree with Hoseok. Namjoon only wants for himself, not me. And I don't want a husband who only thinks for himself" I say confidently. My father turned a dark shade of red.

"Stubborn girl" he growled. "Namjoon is well respected throughout the community! Without him we'd have been butchered by enemy tribes or mauled by vicious creatures"

"Namjoon is one man Father." I glare at him. "He can't be held accountable for all the great things that have been done. You and all the tribe officials paint him to be some big hero when he's not. He's arrogant and I refuse to marry him" my hands shook with anger, and my father stated at me, his face had gone from angry to impassive.

"You will" he says.

"Excuse me?" I frown.

"You will marry Namjoon. I am your father, and I say so. I am to wed you off to a suitable husband. And I say Namjoon is just the man" I couldn't believe my ears. I glanced around the table. Hoseok was staring at father angrily, he always was one to stick up for me, probably a twin thing. We were always closest to one another. Jiwoo however, watched father calmly. And our mother wouldn't look up from his plate. Angry tears welled in my eyes. I was trapped in my own home, bound by my father's will. I glare at him through watery eyes.

"If you were going to make me marry Namjoon, then why did you have him ask me?" I say.

"I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt. I'd hoped you'd say yes on your own accord and be happy. It appears it won't be that way" my father says in a cool tone. I rise to my feet, tears now falling into my cheeks and I storm out of the room. I could hear Hoseok's angry words being thrown at my father but I didn't care. I hurried up the steps, throwing open my bedroom door and threw myself to the mat that made up my bed. I sobbed into my pillow, angry and resentful.

I laid there, staring out the large window at the cloudy night sky. I felt in my pocket, pulling out the coin I'd found in the river. I ran my fingers over it, feeling miserable. I heard footsteps, and quickly hid the coin under my pillow. The door opened to reveal Hoseok, anger still blazing in his eyes. He closed the door, coming to sit next to me on the mat. I hugged him tightly around the middle as I cried into his chest. He ran a hand through my hair, not saying anything. After of finished crying, I pulled away from him, finally able to speak my frustrations.

"It isn't fair" I growl out. He shakes his head, bitterly throwing the door an angry look.

"No it isn't. It's just as bad as the time he wanted you to marry Taehyung, but at least the boy was nice, a little on the shy side, but better than Namjoon"

"I won't marry Namjoon" I say firmly. Hoseok sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"You'll have to. I know it's not fair but-"

"No" I say, standing up to walk to the window and look out at the village. All was quiet, only the silleouettes of the guards could be seen patrolling. "I won't marry him. I'll run away if I have to" Hoseok was quiet before he spoke.

"You wouldn't last out there Y/n. It's too dangerous. And where would you go?"

"Anywhere other than here" I say, my eyes travelling up the where the moon poked through the clouds. My breath hitched when I thought I saw something dart through the sky, the clouds covering it. I blink, but there was nothing there. I frown, turning back to Hoseok. "I won't stay here to be wed off to a narcissistic asshole" I tell him. Hoseok nodded slowly

"Alright. I can't change your mind, so I'll go with you"

"Hoseok you can't, you're a protector" I say

"Yes, and I can protect you. We'll run away, find a new place to live. Maybe a better village" he says, standing up and walking over to me. "You're my sister, my twin. I'll never forgive myself if something were to happen to you."he says quietly, and I nod

"Okay. We'll leave tomorrow night, that way we can get supplies. I'll apologize to father and tell him that I changed my mind and that I can't wait to marry Namjoon " I wrinkle my nose at the thought and Hoseok grins.

Hoseok and I always shared a room, so after we spent the next hour planning our escape, he went to his mat across the room and fell asleep, snore coming from his mouth soon after. I curled up on my own mat, my hand reaching under the pillow to thumb the coin, feeling the cold metal beneath my warm skin. I fell asleep, dreaming of a better life.

"Tomorrow"

The sound of loud cracks awoke me, and my eyes split open, I looked around in the dark, hearing shouts from outside. I stand up,ready to go to the window, but suddenly a large head poked through it. I screamed, staring at the bright glowing green eyes staring me down. I backed away, but the head pursued until it's massive muzzle grabbed the front of my shirt and began to pull me towards it. I scream, pushing on it's nose, trying to get it to release me.

"Y/n!" I heard Hoseok's shout. I cried out as the beast pulled me from the window. I felt Hoseok's hands grab me, but in vain as the creature snarled and shook it's head, throwing Hoseok back into the room. I looked around wildly, seeing the protectors throwing spears at the creature. It growled and a large tail sent them sprawling. I tried desperately to free myself, but the creature held on tightly. It unfurled large feathered wings and took off with a mighty lurch, the village flew away beneath me, the protectors still throwing spears away the beast but none it their mark.

Fear and panic clawed my insides as the creature rose high in the sky, masking itself in the clouds. It flew towards the direction of the moon, and all I could hear was wing beats and the shrill noise of air rushing past me. The wind chilled me, and I was shivering and crying. I did not want the creature to release me now, afraid of plumetting to my death.

The clouds grew darker as we flew on, and the creature flee lower, below the clouds. We must have been flying for nearly half an hour, but I had no idea how far we'd gone due to the monster's large wing strokes. We could have been thousands of miles from the village I thought somberly.

Now free from cloud cover, I could see a large tower, and a bunch of interconnecting stone buildings around it. All of this was in a canyon of sorts, the cliff walls surrounding it in a perfect circle. Then, just as the create glided towards the tower, a bolt of lightening appeared out of the sky, and struck close to us. The force blasted us to the side, and it jostled the creature, who released me in surprise. I screamed as I was sent spiraling towards the ground. The creature roared, diving towards me as the ground grew closer. I thought about my family, screwing my eyes closed and focused on their faces as I waited to crash into the ground.

Then I was lifted in the air, and I opened my eyes to see the creature flying up, me in its jaws. More lightening fell around us, and it groaned and I was thrown up into the air and I screamed, watching as the creature opened its mouth and I fell into it, swallowed quite literally, into darkness.

It must have been hours later, my muscles ached and screamed in protest when I shifted on the cold ground. I blinked, seeing only darkness until my eyes adjusted.

The room reeked of stale air and the hint of greenery. Pale light flooded from the roof, which was caved in as if something large had crashed through it. I sat up, peering around, trying to piece together what had happened. I couldn't remember things, it was all groggy and when I tried to reach out and grasp a memory, my head ached fiercely. I glanced down at my feet, and let out a cry of surprise.

Tattoos everywhere, covering my skin. I glanced at my arms, and they too were heavily inked and I had an unsettling suspicion my neck or face also contained them. I let out a shaky breath, trying not to panic. I was far from home, I have no idea what has happened other than I know I'm not supposed to be here, and that I needed to leave. A flash of color drew my eyes to the floor.

There, in the patch of growing grass, lay the coin I'd taken from the lake. I remember that much. It shined in a pale green light, and I reached out and took it. The light dwindled, but there almost seemed to be a glow about it. When this happened, a shift of moment to my left had me twisting around. I got to my feet, and hesitantly took a step forward, and there I saw him, unconcious.

He looked around my age, maybe a few years younger. He had an attractive face, smoothed over in a boyish way in his slumber. His pink lips were parted as a breath escaped them. He was dressed in all white, the cloth rumpled but still managed to look clean. Heavy metal cuffs were linked around his wrists and ankles. I looked closer at his legs, and took a step back when I saw a long tail twitch.

I looked back up to his face, and my eyes trained themselves on his head, covered in mop of dark brown hair, but two glowing green horns, the same color as the coin I had, poked out. After realising this, I then noticed his eyes were open and staring up at me.

[realfuurikuuri]

For Fox Sake

MMHOPH Missing Arm! AU fic Chapter 2

WC: 2,888

AN: Again, made using the MissingArm!AU created by @spookylovesboba And it’s now on Ao3 if any of y’alls want so read it there. I reccomend you do becuase chapter 1 had some editing issues that were fixed. Writing this chapter was fun. I like Rufus and Reggie. They force things to be less about fights and more about words. A song rec for this chapter would be Won’t Get Fooled Again - The Who (the cultured among you will notice that it’s also the theme song to CSI: Miami). Will tamble in tags some more. AO3 Link

Mao Mao sat on a bench, nursing a cup of coffee that had started to become tepid. Adorabat and Badgerclops were there with him. They weren’t doing much either. They tapped away on their games without a care in the world. He thinks it was called Mini-mons, or something. Mao Mao would have reminded them that they were on patrol if the day wasn’t so slow. The only thing he did was give Pigguns another driving ticket, which he does every day, so it wasn’t anything but routine at this point.

In his boredom, Mao Mao’s mind began to wander. The first of which being Jǐngtì. He probably went back to meet up with Tanya. Hopefully, she could give the kid the talk Mao Mao couldn’t. The next thought that passed his mind was the valley itself. It was a strange place. He knew that it was guarded by the Ruby Pure Heart. Did the thing have to do with the sweetipies? They were strange creatures. Despite their age, they all seemed like children. Destructive, naive, gullible, children. Even the ones who he assumed were older were still flagrantly immature. Snugglemane and Camille being prime examples.

“Hey, Badgerclops,” he said.

“What do you want Daddy Issues I’m doing -Oh C’mon not Dirtmon,” he said, tapping buttons on the game even harder.

“You think the Ruby Pure Heart has something to do with the sweetipies?”

“Elaborate.”

“I mean do you think it has to do with why they’re all so… immature… and feral?”

“Nah, dude I think that was just the barrier thingy. No problems; no need to learn, right?”

“I suppose that makes sense.”

“You need to find something to do. You always get so questiony when you’re antsy.”

“I would if there was something to do.”

“Play Mini-mons with us?”

“No.”

“Then go find some sweetiepies or something. All they do is commit crimes, to be honest. Shouldn’t Puggin’s be speeding around now?”

He couldn’t say Badgerclops was wrong about that. Mao Mao got up and threw away his coffee. “No he gets his daily ticket at 4:00, but you have a point. I’ll see you around.”

“Okay dude I’ll be… losing to this child. Get me a pie if you’re going to the bakery.”

Mao Mao almost told him to go get it himself when he sighed and decided to go along with it.

* * *

Rufus could barely believe his luck. He sat at the table watching Muffin stack all sorts of valuables on the table. Golden coins, priceless gems, paintings, and a menagerie of riches that would fit a king. He was eyeing a golden watch on this ugly little mouse’s wrist, searching his head for a con, when the thing walked up to him. He was eyeing a golden watch on this ugly little mouse’s wrist, searching his head for a con, when the thing walked up to him. Somehow Reggie managed to pull a scam out of nowhere that the creature actually believed.

Just an hour ago he was looking for yet another town to go to where his face was unknown to run another scam, only to find a surprise kingdom that wasn’t on any maps. Even better than that was that everyone here was dumb as bricks! Rufus kicked back to watch more savings be put on the table when a strange cat walked in. To be fair, the black cat only looked strange relative to the technicolor weirdos.

“Can I get another Everyberry...” The cat’s voice died out as it caught sight of Rufus Regg and the stack of treasures.

He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed,” Muffins, what are you doing?”

“Well, I was making some pies when these two nice gentlemen come in. They looked like the wanted to talk to me, so I go up to them and it turns out their distant relatives who are looking to set up a branch of the company here. They just need some investment to set up shop, and well you don’t say no to family,” Muffin said.

“You're savings,” he did a double-take looking at the stack of treasures before shaking it off,” that… comes later. Muffin, right now you need to stop giving them their money.”

Rufus began to wonder if things were starting to sour.

“Why not help family?”

“Muffins you are a yellow mouse. That is a raccoon and fox.”

“And?”

The cat looked like he was about to strangle the mouse when he took a deep breath,” listen, they aren’t your family. They’re scam artists taking your money.”

“A preposterous claim, under what authority do you have to make those allegations,” Rufus asked with all the feigned bravado he could muster.

“The crown’s.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“I’m the sheriff.”

* * *

Mao Mao watched the fox’s eyes go wide as he forced himself to wear a smile. “Ahhh, I see. Well, you must be a busy person, as are we, so you must understand if we have to cut this engagement short. We have places to be you know.”

“You’re both under arrest.”

“Run!”

Rufus quickly grabbed his companion and bolted out the door.

Mao Mao checked his watch. It was 3:50. If he did this quick he should be able to give Pigguns his ticket. After giving them a fair head start before he crashed through the storefront to give chase. It was pretty disappointing, to be honest. The grifters weren’t particularly fast or smart. They made the horrible choice to run right to the kingdom gates. Mao Mao knew twenty different shortcuts that could have put him ahead of them, but he didn’t need to use any of them. He checked his watch; It was 3:58. Mao Mao picked up the pace, closing in on them at blinding speed.

He drew his sword and leaped forward. He screeched to a halt at the last intersection. Instead of giving chase, he rested his arm on Geraldine, and began to write on his notepad.

“Ha-Ha! Yes! We did it Regg. We’re free! We’re-”

Rufus learned why the sheriff stopped when Slim-Pigguns careened down the road. Mao Mao calmy stuck yet another ticket onto Pigguns’ car as it zoomed by, and waited. When the smoke cleared the fox was kneeling next to his roadkill companion. Unfortunate that it didn’t hit both.

What a great day! He captured the scammers and gave Pigguns his ticket all at once. Whoever said a “ bird in the hand is worth two in the bush”could go get fucked. For once in his life, Mao Mao was feeling proud of himself. That and his little joke must’ve been why he laughed. He laughed, and he did it quite loudly.

Slowly, Sweetipies began to crowd around, murmuring amongst themselves.

The sweetipies pushed past Mao Mao, crowding around the raccoon. “Poor thing, who did this to you?”

A wicked glint ignited in the foxe’s eye,” it was the sheriff. He did this.”

“Oh my god, you think anyone is actually going to believe... that.”

The mob turned to face Mao Mao, moving like a single angry creature.

“What a monster,” a sweetiepie said

“I knew he’d lose it eventually,” said another.

“Oh, come on! You can’t actually believe him!”

“What a horrid man.”

The crowd began to close in on Mao Mao.

“That’s preposterous. I would never do something like that… without reason, at least. Either way, you can’t just believe a couple of strangers right?”

“I knew we shouldn’t have made him sheriff.”

“Woah, woah, woah, that’s enough,” Badgerclops said over is police siren hand to get through the crowd.

“What on earth happened here?”

“The sheriff attacked this innocent man.”

He and Adorabat looked over to the Reggie then back to Mao Mao.

“You seriously can’t believe them,” he said.

Adorabat sucked air in through her teeth,” Badgerclops, should I tell him?”

“Now. Now let’s not make assumptions,” Badgerclops said before immediately huddling down and speaking in a whisper. “What the fuck, dude? I know I already have bags packed, but geez.”

“I didn't do it! It was Slim Pigguns who did this!”

“Can you prove it,” the fox choked out.

“Prove it?” Mao Mao marched through the crowd, grabbing, shoving and tossing Sweetipies out of the way, grabbing the fox by the collar. “Of course, I can prove it. Its what happened!”

“Could you prove it in a court of law?”

“Sure!”

“Then we will. I sue the Pure Heart Valley Sheriff’s Department.”

“What,” Mao Mao, Badgerclops and Adorabat screamed in unison.

“No. In fact, we’ll sue the Pure Heart Valley itself. We’ll sure for everything it owns.”

Mao Mao and the three of them quickly formed a team-planning hug. “He can’t actually sue the entire valley for everything it owns, can he,” Adorabat asked.

“Don’t ask me. Ask Mao Mao.”

“Well… they might. The article that relates to suits against the kingdom doesn’t exactly put a limit on what can be demanded.”

“Don’t worry Daddy Issues. I already got our bags packed and-”

“We are not running!”

“Why not, I don’t really wanna be here when you lose the case.”

“I won’t lose the case because I didn’t hurt him.”

“You sure,” they asked.

“Yes, I’m sure. He got run over by Slim Pigguns. I didn't hurt him. Why is that so hard to believe?”

“Because that would be ridiculously on-brand for you. It's not an ‘if’ but ‘when’. I already have bags packed for when it happens.”

“You have what now?”

“Nothing. Anyways, if you want to challenge them then we go to court,” Badgerclops said.

“I’ll handle the case and you... try not to be yourself. Or at least don’t be yourself in front of the sweetipies.”

“What?”

“Oh! Oh! Oh! What do I do,” Adorabat asked.

“You’ll be his PR,” Badgerclops explained.

“Yay!”

Mao Mao began to consider if it was time to use those emergency packs.

* * *

Mao Mao didn’t know if the sweetipies had any foresight or common sense. Rufus could literally sue the valley for everything it owns, and for some reason, the sweetipies were taking Rufus’ side. The fact that Snugglemane was in control of the proceedings was the shit icing on top of the shit cake. Mao Mao tapped his fingers against the table. The court was taking too long to start. The jury was seated and the spectators mumbled amongst themselves. Snugglemane fiddled with the white wig he was wearing over his usual one. Rufus and Reggie weren’t here yet. Badgerclops wasn’t present either. Only Adorabat was here, which wouldn’t be much help since she’s his “PR” and a child.

Everyone turned when the doors opened. Rufus rolled his friend in on a stretcher. Despite the obvious greed in his eyes, Mao Mao could see genuine concern for his friend. Granted, that didn't stop him from wanting to see the fox on a stretcher as well.

“Oh good, the prosecution is finally here. Let's get this thing started,” the king said banging his gavel.

“But my defense isn’t here yet,” Mao Mao objected.

Adorabat took the stage. “Don’t worry,” she said,” I got this.”

“Aren’t you like... Six?”

“Seven, actually.”

Snugglemane considered it for a moment before banging his gavel. “Good enough for me. The Prosecution has the stand.”

Rufus stepped up. Mao Mao thought it was weird for Rufus to be speaking for himself, then again it's not like the valley has any lawyers.

Rufus cleared his throat, speaking in a pained voice,” Thank you, your… Honor? Majesty?”

“Call me both.”

“Alright, you're Honorific Majesty.”

The king giggled; the sheriff rolled his eyes.

“As you all know,” he began,” I had come to the Pure Heart Valley to visit a relative. Muffin, a distant cousin of mine-”

“Oh, c’mon. You are a fox. Muffin is literally a yellow mouse,” Mao Mao interrupted.

“Silence,” the king demanded with his gavel. “The prosecution has the floor.”

“As I was saying. I came to the valley because I’d come across some financial troubles. I’ve been trying to start a business of mine. A newspaper in fact. Everything was going smoothly till that brigand appeared.”

The crowd hissed and booed at Mao Mao. The king didn’t bother to stop that interruption.

“This foul creature chased me all the way through town. When he finally caught up with me. He proceeded to do… this to my friend.”

The crowd winced and ooed in sympathy for that awful fox.

“A heartbreaking tale,” the King sniffled. “Does the defense have anything they want to say?”

“Yes,” Adorabat said.

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Then speak your piece.”

“Um.. line?”

Mao Mao pinched the bridge of his nose.

* * *

Mao Mao did not expect much from a defense set up by a seven-year-old, but by god, it was somehow worse. Adorabat was naive and easy to manipulate. Rufus found it easy to set up leading questions.

“Do you think the sheriff is responsible for his actions?”

“Ehm… yes?”

“Is he one of those hateful people willing to attack others?”

“I suppose.”

“Does his tendency to attack first without asking questions often bring others to harm?”

“King, I object,” Mao Mao interrupted.

“Say the full titles.”

Mao Mao swallowed his fury. “I object to his questions, your Honorific Majesty.”

“On what grounds?”

“Well, the fact that they’re all loaded questions and Adorabat actually being a seven-year-old toddler.”

“That’s no grounds for an objection. You elected her to be your defense of your own accord. It conflicts with no rules or laws.”

“Laws here make no sense, though. The fact that you’re suing an entire county for everything it owns is proof enough.”

Rufus and Mao Mao began to argue more and more. Snugglemane pounded his gavel demanding order, but no one listened. Things just got louder and louder, wilder and wilder until Rufus and Mao Mao were grappling on the floor of the courtroom.

“I’ll tear your eye out you armless bastard,” Rufus yelled.

“I’d like to see a corpse try,” he responded.

They only calmed down when the guards pried them apart When the guards finally pried them apart they were both left beaten and bloody. Mao Mao punched Rufus in the stomach; Rufus bashed him in the nose, along with the countless bumps and bruises they shared. Although, Rufus was definitely worse for wear. His left arm was twisted in all the wrong ways. Mao Mao couldn’t even feel proud of that. His head was throbbing and there was this awful hum.

No the hum wasn’t in his head. More heads began to turn when the noise got louder and louder. It was a hum, that grew into a rumble; a rumble so loud he courtroom began to shake. It sounded like a car… no, it was a car. Mao Mao quickly shook himself free of the guards, grabbing Adorabat as the wall caved in with a mighty crash.

Mao Mao waved the smoke away, clutching Adorabat to his chest. “You alright,” he asked.

“I’m fine,” she coughed out.

Despite the damage, no one seemed to be hurt. Pinky was laughing maniacally, so the sweetipies were fine, the king peeked his head from behind the podium, and unfortunately, the grifters were still alive. Despite the car belonging to Slim Pigguns Badgerclops stepped out first. He took a few tentative steps before he threw up his lunch. Slim Pigguns stepped out more concerned for his car than anything else.

“What is the meaning of this,” the king growled.

“Well… god damn… that was horrifying,” Badgerclops heaved in between breaths,” I have proof that… Mao Mao didn’t… do it.”

“What’s the proof?”

“Witness... testimony. I call to the stand… Slim Pigguns!”

The fox’s eyes went wide.

“Hm?” Pigguns poked his head up, not even paying attention to the court.

“Mr.Pigguns, could you tell us what happened when you ran over the raccoon?”

“Yeah. I was going for my daily drive, when I got near the gate I felt a bump.”

“And you didn’t stop?”

Pigguns just shrugged,” it happens.”

“This is just testimony! Can you prove he was even there,” Rufus objected.

“I still have the sticker Mao Mao gave me.”

“That’s a speeding ticket,” Mao Mao added from the back.

Rufus began to sweat. Nm “Do you have any physical evidence?”

“Does the fender with your face still dented into it count?”

“I’ve been meaning to buff that out,” Pigguns mumbled.

Everyone turned to face Rufus. He pulled at his collar. His calm, collected demeanor beginning to give way to panic.

“Does the prosecution have anything to say,” the king asked.

Rufus balled his hands into fist before sinking low,”... no, your honor.”

“Say it right.”

“Just give us the verdict, already.”

“So rude,” the King banged his gavel,” I deem the defendants not guilty of assault and declare that the prosecution be jailed upon charges false accusations and wasting the courts time. The defendant's punishment shall be to clean up this mess.”

“What, why?”

“Because you’re all rude. So very rude.”

“Could you at least take me to jail first,” Rufus asked.

“I’m not going to put you in jail,” Mao Mao said.

“What?”

“I am, however, going to put you in the hospital.”

Mao Mao pounced at him when Bagderclops grabbed him out the air,” as I said. It's not a matter of ‘if’ but ‘when’.”

[pharawee]

1. Choose an OC.

2. Answer them as that OC.

3. Tag 5 people to do the same.

No one tagged me to do this, yet here I am. Oof.

Tagging @cytharat, @viridoculus and anyone who feels like doing this because sometimes you just gotta, right?

1. What is your name?

 “Alexis Reed. Feel free to call me Aleix. Pretty much everyone else does.”

2. Do you know why are you named that?

“I suppose Alexis is common enough in Bastion, but my mom’s originally from Fortuo so she shortened it to Aleix.”

3. Are you single or taken?

“Mostly I’m in need of a drink.”

4. Have any abilities or powers?

“Nope, no secret cypher powers or anything. My jav does all of the heavy lifting.”

5. Stop being a Mary Sue.

 “Okay.”

6. What’s your eye color?

“Green – but the kind that only ever sticks out in direct sunlight.”

7. How about your hair color?

 “Dark brown.”

8. Have any family members?

“Sure. There are my parents, and my brother and his family, who are merchants and travel all over Bastion in their striders. Then there’s my aunt Rea, who used to be a badass Freelancer and now mostly trains Sentinel recruits in Heliost. I love them, I really do, but I’m not really one for writing daily weekly monthly letters.”

9. Oh? How about pets?

“I leave that to Sayrna. Look, I can’t even feed myself most of the time and you want me to take care of a pet.”

10. That’s cool, I guess. Now tell me something you don’t like?

“Dominion Storms. Yeah okay, they might have come up with the concept first but let’s face it – my lightning’s better than your lightning.”

11. Do you have any activities/hobbies that you like to do?

“I like not starving. It’s a totally underrated pastime. So yeah, food. Preparing food? Not one of my strengths. Nah, but honestly, when I’m not too busy throwing lightning at Skorps I just like being in good company. I don’t really have the means or the time for a serious hobby. But I like hearing about other people’s hobbies! It makes people’s eyes light up like nothing else.”

12. Have you ever hurt anyone in any way before?

“Sure. This isn’t Crimson Lancer, after all.”

13. Ever… killed anyone before?

“Certainly comes with the territory.”

14. What kind of animal are you?

“Why don’t you ask Sayrna that?”

15. Name your worst habits?

“Throw lightning first – ask questions later? Sometimes I’m also asleep, so I’m only half as annoying as people claim.”

16. Do you look up to anyone at all?

“Sure, don’t all Freelancers? I mean, Haluk, Yarrow, General Tarsis – they’re all larger than life, aren’t they?”

17. Are you gay, straight or bisexual?

“I’ve only ever been into men.”

18. Do you go to school?

“Define school. We moved around so much that my parents just taught me on the road. And when I moved to Heliost I wasn’t exactly studying to become an Arcanist.”

19. Ever want to marry and have kids one day?

“Never say never. I guess.”

20. Do you have any fangirls/fanboys?

“Pretty sure that’s a no because Corvus likes to keep my escapades an imperial secret. Or something.”

21. What are you most afraid of?

“I’m not nearly drunk enough for this question.”

22. What do you usually wear?

“Clothes. No seriously, just the standard issue lancer gear because I’m not exactly swimming in coin and have you ever tried wearing anything fancy in a jav? As for when I’m not suited up… uh… yeah, I do own a spare set of clothes if that’s what you’re asking.”

23. What’s one food that tempts you?

“Damn. Just. Just all the food, okay? Fresh and hot. I’m not picky.” 

24. Am I annoying to you?

“Nah, we’re good.”

25. Well, it’s still not over!

“Standard contract rates apply.”

26. What class are you (low/middle/high)?

“I’ve been known to… uh… scour the Fort for leftover food? Hey, after the Heart of Rage making a living isn’t exactly easy. My family’s doing okay but I can’t just ask them for coin, can I? That wouldn’t be very freelancer-y of me.”

27. How many friends do you have? 

“Are you supposed to keep count?”

28. What are your thoughts on pie? 

“Yes, I would like two of each, please.”

29. Favorite drink?

“Whatever’s on tab.”

30. What’s your favorite place?

“The Eddian Tree. There’s just something so peaceful about it.”

31. Are you interested in anyone?

“Would it matter?”

32. That was a stupid question…

“Mmm.”

33. Would you rather swim in a lake or the ocean?

“First and foremost I’d like to not die so no swimming in suspicious bodies of water when I’m not in my jav.”

34. What’s your type?

"I’d say don’t be a dumbass but that one’s no longer terribly accurate, I guess.”

35. Any fetishes?

“I’m really, really into self-flagellation. And yes, I’m being metaphorical here.”

36. Camping or outdoors?

“Again, dying and not being dead are high up on my personal agenda so no camping for me. But I sometimes miss living in a strider. Being in my jav’s the best feeling in the world, though. Does that count as a fetish?”

[anagonyeet]

just another tag game ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

rules : answer 30 questions, tag 10 blogs & post it as a text post.

tagged by the wonderful @shurisudaku​. thank you!

1. nickname - willove, but only @blackwidws​ calls me that.

2. gender - female

3. star sign - taurus

4. height - 160cm

5. time - 17:30

6. birthday - 10th may

7. fave bands -  coin, the wombats, panic! at the disco, imagine dragons, little mix, s club 7, one direction

8. fave solo artists - george ezra, tom walker, billie eilish, shawn mendes, sabrina carpenter

9. song stuck in your head - act my age by one direction

10. last movie watched -  ferris bueller’s day off

11. last show watched - does would i lie to you count??

12. when did i create my blog - november 2018, but i had a personal previously for two years.

13. what do i post - mostly mcu. pretty much only mcu.

14. last thing i googled - some html stuff. currently in the middle of revamping my theme. it’s looking very teal.

15. do you have any blogs - @blessbucky is a b&w/pale blog, but that’s kinda it, i can barely keep this one up. for one day i had a jaqueline wilson stan blog, because sometimes i take things to far. but it was a canon url.

16. do you get asks - yeah? they’re mostly for ask games, but usually not that many.

17. why did you choose your url - i watched the endgame trailer

18. following blogs - 86

19. followers - 216 can you believe my mum has that many tumblr accounts!11!1

20. favourite colour - baby blue, baby pink? i’m a sucker for colour gradients

21. average hours of sleep - i go to be so early, like 10 hours.

22. piercings - nope

23. instruments - i used be able to play the piano and the sax.

24. what i’m wearing - hoodie and joggers. ya gal is too ill too function

25. how many blankets do you sleep with - just one floofy blanket, but when it’s cold i have one of those really thick chinese blankets on top.

26. dream job - something to do with medicine/ biochemistry?

27. dream trip - tokyo, seoul, shanghai? i’m really into big cities and culturally it would be really eye opening. that being said, whenever my family goes to china, i die because culturally i do not fit in.

28. fave food - literally all food.

29. nationality - british, hoping the possible 0.000009% german ancestry is enough to get me a german passport lmao

30. current fave song - sue me - sabrina carpenter

tagging: @buck-eh @hopesscott @captainsstevenrogers @awstark @henrycavillry @willas-tyrell <3

[lindira]

OC Interview Meme

Tagged by @elvenbeard! Thanks! I haven’t done one of these in ages!

Tagging @thessalian, @true0neutral, @ghostoftheyear, @princecatling, @helliecarousel, @acepavus, and anyone else who would like to do this.

I remember doing this for Aeric waaaaaay back in the day, so I’ll do this for my D&D character instead.

1. What is your name?

"You can call me Clarity. Clarity Meloreth.”

2. What is your real name?

"Priyenne Meloreth, if you must know. But I haven’t been ‘Priyenne’ for several years now.”

3. Do you know why you were called that?

"I don’t know the story of my real name, if there’s one to be had. Never really knew my birth parents.

“As far as my virtue name, I’m trying to find out what happened to my brother, Henry. I was blamed for his disappearance, you see, and I took it upon myself to find the truth. I know tieflings often take the names of ideals or qualities they want to embody. And I want nothing more than to discover true clarity.”

4. Are you single or taken?

"Single, but... very accidentally dating?”

5. Have any abilities or powers?

"I’m quite good at skulking about, even without my old boots that helped me do such a thing. Most of the time, if I don’t want to be seen, I’ll be pretty well hidden. Um, I’m good with daggers... Oh! And I’m an excellent researcher. I hardly pretend to know everything, but I could probably find out anything I wanted to know, given enough time and a large enough library.

“I also seem to have some innate magical ability. Still figuring that out.”

6. Stop being a Mary Sue.

“I’ll be as much of a self-insert as I can or want to be, thank you.”

7. What’s your eye color?

“Bronze and glowy. No pupils or sclera, just glowy bronze.”

8. How about your hair color?

“Dark blue. I like it quite a lot.”

9. Have you any family members?

“I don’t know about biological family. I have a brother. Adoptive. His name is Henry Thatcher. His parents are sort of my family too, I suppose. They... don’t really consider themselves family, though. They’re just the people who took care of me. Their names are Jun and Teresa Thatcher.”

10. Oh? What about pets?

“I have my animals from my Bag of Tricks! I can have 3 a day. There’s Wendell the weasel, Gwendoline the giant rat, Norman the badger, Helen the boar, Ernesto the panther, Ramona the giant badger, Brandon the direwolf, and Dolores the giant elk. It’s supposedly random who will come out of the Bag, but Norman is always one of them.”

11. That’s cool I guess, now tell me about something you don’t like.

“Liars and fake people? People who are cruel, especially for their own gain.”

12. Do you have any hobbies/activities you like doing?

“I love to read. I study magic especially. And I like spending time with animals. I rather enjoy swimming as well, but I’m not especially good at it. I just like being in the water.”

13. Ever hurt anyone before?

“Yes, though it was mostly in self-defense.”

14. Ever… killed anyone before?

“Yes. Again, for self-defense. They would have killed me otherwise. I... don’t know what else to say... Yes.”

15. What kind of animal are you?

“...Are you speaking metaphorically? Because I’m not an animal. I’m a tiefling. I mean, I suppose strictly speaking I’m an animal of a sort, in much the same way humans or elves are animals. But...

*clears throat* “I think I’d be a good cat.”

16. Name your worst habits.

“I ramble a bit. I tend to try to deal with problems by myself rather than rely on others. I’m trying to work on that.”

17. Do you look up to anyone at all?

“To many people, yes. To Twilly and Miranda Heartheart, to the others in my little band of adventurers. They’re all admirable people.”

18. Gay, straight, or bisexual?

“Lesbian.”

19. Do you go to school?

“I went to school as a child. It wasn’t a very big one - just learned my letters and numbers and a bit of history. I lived in a small village, so it was just me and Henry and the few other children who lived in the area.

I haven’t gone to school since, but I’ve never stopped reading or learning. I study constantly, and currently work as a researcher.”

20. Do you ever want to marry and have kids one day?

“One day, yes. I’m in no hurry, but I like the idea of having a wife and a few children someday.”

21. Do you have any fanboys/fangirls?

“Not really? There are people who like me, but in a realistic sort of way.”

22. What are you most afraid of?

“That I won’t be able to save Henry from the terrible fate that befell him.”

23. What do you usually wear?

“Dark clothes, leather armor, and boots.”

24. Do you love someone?

“In a platonic way, yes. But not romantically.”

25. When was the last time you wet yourself?

"I honestly don’t remember. But this isn’t an appropriate interview question...”

26. Well, it’s not over yet!

“Obviously.”

27. What class are you? (High class, middle class, low class)

“I suppose I would be regarded as lower class, since I come from a modest upbringing. The Thatchers were not poor, perhaps, but they did struggle to make ends meet sometimes. Since leaving them, I’ve gained a decent amount of coin and educated myself about the world. Not sure what that makes me now.”

28. How many friends do you have?

“Four close friends, two I’m still getting to know better. There are several others who are not quite friends, not quite family, not quite acquaintances, but rather an odd amalgamation of the three.” 

29. What are your thoughts on pie?

“I adore pie! Blueberry is my favorite. Though, not when I’ve inhaled about three at once...”

30. Favourite drink?

“I adore strong coffee. I like it with cream. I’ll add a bit of sugar or honey if I’m feeling indulgent.”

31. What’s your favourite place?

“The library in Belarys, currently.”

32. Are you interested in someone?

“Erm... yes? The woman I work with is incredibly beautiful. But I’m not looking for anything to happen, really. She just makes me flustered.”

33. What’s your bra cup size and/or how big is your willy?

“What kind of perverted interview is this?”

34. Would you rather swim in the lake or the ocean?

“I’d like a lake better. Less salty.”

35. What’s your type?

“I’m attracted to intelligence and kindness and courageousness. Other than that, I’m not sure. I’ve not been very lucky in love, and I don’t know yet what would suit me best.”

36. Any fetishes?

“...Why?”

37. Seme or uke? Top or Bottom? Dominant or Submissive?

“None of the above. Is there a box for ‘Decline to Participate’? If so, I’d like that one. I’d rather be reading.”

38. Camping or indoors?

“This seems like a strange question to follow all your sexual inquiries. Anyway, indoors, if I can.”

39. Are you wanting the interview to end?

“If these are the sort of questions you’re starting to ask, then yes. Which is too bad, because I thought it was going nicely until you started getting weird.”

40. Now it’s over!

"Erm... all right, then.”

[peculiarkidddd]

Tag Game

Tagged by @angelsfalling16 💜

Nickname/Pet Name: Red, Ruthie,( and other variations of that coined by my sister lol ) , and Cannoli ( I have no idea why, my mom calls me that sometimes)

Zodiac Sign: Aquarius

Height: just about 5’2

Last movie I watched: The Greatest Showman, I really liked it, I love Hugh Jackman, the entire cast was incredible, the music is absolutely beautiful and so wonderfully written. However I felt like it could’ve been a bit longer , it felt like it was wrapped a little too quick but other than that I really did enjoy it :)

Last thing I googled: what zodiac sign my birthday is supposed to because I always get confused on whether I’m an Aquarius or Capricorn cause’ sometimes I indentify with both

Favorite Musicians: Gosh I have quite a few, off the top of my head, dodie, Panic! At the Disco, BTS, Yungblud, Logic, Johnny Cash

Song stuck in my head: I know I had one stuck in my head the other day but can’t seem to remember what is was at the moment, kinda ironic huh?

Other blogs: I have my supernatural blog where I just reblog stuff related to Spn, I don’t post anything original lol @kaz-79-83 and a photography blog that I don’t use at all

Do I get asks: nope not really

Following: I follow 202 blogs and I have 115 followers

Dream Trip: England, Ireland, Seoul( South Korea)

Amount of sleep: My sleep schedule is all out of wack , either I don’t get enough or I get too much , either way I’m tired

Lucky number: I didn’t know so I took a quiz and it told me it was 2, so I guess it’s 2 for now

What I’m wearing: pjs, a college hoodie of school that I don’t go to, a t-shirt for a Shakespeare play, and Harley Quinn pajama pants

Dream job: writer, actor ( preferably stage but I would love to try screen and voice acting) , filmmaker/film director, and I want to own a book shop( thinking about Book shop/ pub)

Instruments I play: was learning to play the guitar a few years back but lost interest , and I kinda want to learn to play the piano but Idk if that’s really gonna go anywhere

Languages: English, know a little a bit of Spanish( very little , not enough to have a conversation w/ someone or get my self around) and gonna continue with it this next semester at school, and currently trying to learn Korean( I learned the whole alphabet so far, I know a few words and phrases , and I can read like two words lol, I’m in the very early stages of learning still.)

Favorite songs: god I have so many but I’ll say five , If I’m Being Honest- dodie, She had the World - Panic! At the Disco, Boy Named Sue- Johnny Cash, Fake Love -BTS , I love you, will you marry me- Yungblud ( I have so many more but I’d be here forever listing them all )

Random fact: I’ll say two, I met a Rockette at a dance competition in Boston a few years back, she was nice. And I’ve met Little Mix( girl group from the UK) twice, they are so beautiful in person and super sweet :)

Tag 5 people : @hansirilow @jeremydoesnthaveatumb @itssecretcat @friendo-nintendo @atdum1

[newsiegirlscout]

Nerdsitting

Tagging time! As well as explaining what the heck I’m doing with this mess of a fanfiction! Yeah!

@vizivoir, Special delivery! (They asked to be tagged so as not to miss it, and tagged they will be!) 

@sugarandmemories, I may or may not have borrowed your Melvin’s insomnia, neglectful parents ((Yeah, guys. In the books, they actually were there, they just didn’t pay much attention to him. He even switches off the “Dramatic Effects” on the Combine-o-Tron so as not to wake them up.)), and slight eating disorder. Ahaha..the chance was too good to pass up.  Please don't sue. :) ;)

As for what I’m doing, I don’t really know. It’s fluff. It has George and Harold subliminally taking care of Melvin...you know, making him eat something, cheering him up when he’s down, getting him off that good ol’ polyphastic sleep schedule. Ergo, Nerdsitting. Enjoy!

Melvin Sneedly had just wanted to pick up the latest issue of Scientific American at the Hobnobs Comix Shop downtown before the quality deteriorated or the magazines sold out. Was that so hard to ask?

Apparently, according to the universe, it was.

When a bald, portly man wearing nothing but his underwear and a red polka-dotted cape fell out of the sky and dropped to one knee, Melvin completely lost his train of thought and instead decided to take a tentative step back. On the man’s back, two of the more mischievous students in his class beamed back at him, giving a polite wave.

“Hey, Melvin!” George chimed.

“Do you always greet people this way?” He wheezed, slamming one hand to his chest in shock.

“What, ‘Hey’ and then his name? Dude, is this a trick question?” Harold said softly, tugging George’s shirt.

“I think he means on the back of a superhero wearing nothing but his underwear and a polka-dotted red cape.” the boy responded. Climbing off, he gestured regally to the caped crusader, followed closely by his best friend.

“Melvin, this is Captain Underpants. You may remember him from that time you tried to rid the entire school of laughter.” George said. Captain Underpants stood up and gave a happy “thumbs-up” at his cue.

“Anyway. We thought we’d stop by. Didn’t think we’d see you at the comic store! What’cha getting?” Harold added.

Taking another step back, Melvin clutched the strap of his backpack instinctively before responding.

“I was just going to see if I could acquire the latest copy of Scientific American before it sold out...but now, I think I’ll go home and take my chances tomorrow.”

“Ah, that’s a shame, young nemesis,” Captain Underpants chimed in, “For my amiable sidekicks and I might provide delightful company in your education! Why, they themselves have documented several episodes of my life in this praiseworthy format!”

“You mean the comic books they sell on the playground, in which I tend to be frequently incriminated as some sort of nerdy villain against laughter?”

“Sidekicks! You didn’t tell me that you knew the one and only Anti-Humor boy personally!” he gasped excitedly. “Will you sign my cape?” he said to Melvin with a slight bounce.

Melvin shrugged and produced a black Sharpie from his pocket, much to the delight of the hero. Walking around him, he wrote out “Anti-Humor boy” in his careful cursive, then patted the delighted captain on his back.

“Now, off to Dumb Stupid Nerd Jail for you!” he cheered, hooking his fingers into the startled scientist’s neckband.

“Captain Underpants! Melvin...received time off for good behavior! He’s totally cool now!” George blurted in a panic, pressing the side of his sneaker into his ample stomach as if he were trying to stop a wild colt. To Melvin, he added, “Sorry, man. You..wanna come hang out with us for a while? We have a tree house!”

“It’s a pretty cool tree house.” Harold added, cracking a grin.

“Ummm...yeah, I still think I’ll pass. Call me again when I’m in the mood for getting made fun of for a full hour or two.” he said, walking off.

“Aww, Melvin, don’t be like that! Isn’t your house like, two miles away, anyway? We can totally give you a ride to the amazing Tree House Comix Inc., you can chill with us, spend a few hours playing Tetris or drawing nerd comics or something, and then we could take you back home!” Harold explained, hastily putting brown, white, and light orange button-eyed socks on his hands and right foot respectively to illustrate his vision. (The tangerine sock, Melvin noted, even sported a sported a tiny black bow tie and ginger woolen hair.)

“Or,” he continued as George gave Melvin a look that seemed to reveal that Harold had drawn out points with improvised sock puppetry before, “You could get your magazine and go back home.” The light orange sock puppet, to Melvin’s amusement, switched places with Harold, tucked a tiny bubblegum comic that he supposed was supposed to be the four hundred and fifty-third issue of Scientific American under his cotton arm and left, leaving sock puppet George and Harold giving each other blank expressions.

“You’d want to read it as soon as possible, but put it in your bag so you wouldn’t walk in front of a bus or something, and then you’d walk two sad endless miles without a friend, sadly listening to-you were listening to music, right?-sad music as you trudged home. Sadly.”

To emphasize this point, Harold took an extra few steps away from Captain Underpants for some unknown reason, then poured a miniature watering can over a dejected sock puppet Melvin, accompanied by a melancholy classical tune from his phone.

“And then you’d get home,”

The music stopped and the watering can was thrown to the side.

“Read the magazine, and die of sadness and boredom, and that’s why you need to hang out with us and have a ton of fun today!”

Melvin smiled slightly and shook his sock puppet counterpart’s hand.

“Deal.”

“To the Underwear Cave!” Captain Underpants cheered, kneeling down again.

“He means to our tree house.” Harold whispered, swinging back onto the superhero’s back and offering his hand to Melvin, who took it gratefully. 

On the ride back, George and Harold filled him in on everything. 

“Okay, so..Captain Underpants can’t get water on his head. Don’t ask.”

“He’s also a total goofball and wants to fight crime whenever possible. As in, if you have five extra minutes, he’ll be convinced that there’s some sort of crime going on somewhere. And there usually is...it’s kinda like how the little kid summoned all the demons to the hotel with his sixth sense in that one movie? Yeah, like that.”

“You okay, Melvin? You look a little freaked out...I know, the first ride is always a bit weird. You ever jumped out a window and slid down a lamppost before?”

“Why would I ever have done that? I mean...Oh no. Don’t tell me that you two have done that. Scratch my last question, how many times did you do that?”

“Um...a lot?” Harold laughed nervously, “Uh...do you wanna text your parents, let ‘em know you’re at our place?”

“They’re working late at the lab all week. Ciana and I are left to fend for ourselves, I’m afraid.” 

“Oh. I see. Well, that’s great, because we’re already here!” Harold said, giving another flourish to the tree house. Several mechanisms were affixed to various places, presumably meant to help one scale the tree in a much more complicated way than necessary. 

“How fast does Captain Underwear fly, exactly? Because this seems less like coincidence that we landed right now, and more like lazy writing on the author’s part.” Melvin said, adjusting his bow tie.

“Yeah...she does that. Consider your flight twice as fast with the right dialogue!” Harold said, ably climbing up the wooden steps, followed closely by George, then Melvin. Once inside, Harold excitedly pointed out the sleeping bags, mini fridge, comic gallery, television, and gaming system. 

“Oh...wow.” Melvin responded, his hazel eyes flashing with jubilee.

“So...what’cha wanna do?” 

“Well, you wouldn’t happen to have a deck of cards around, would you?”

George cocked his head, surprised by the ginger’s simple request. “Um..yeah, we have cards!” he said, withdrawing a deck from his pocket, “I should warn you though, I hold a pretty tight spot as Go Fish champion.”

“Oooh, Billy’s pretty good at Concentration, too.” Harold added. 

“Do either of you know how to play poker? I mean, not necessarily for gambling reasons, but...” he paused to withdraw a small drawstring sack from his bag, pulling the cord and tipping it over the floor to reveal a shimmering stream of chocolate coins, a small confectionery fortune by his feet, “for chocolate coins?”

“Awww, bro! This is probably the best thing you’ve ever done! No offense, I just...didn’t think you’d go for gambling and stuff. Even fake gambling. Or chocolate. Orrrr fun.” Harold said, his voice dropping off as he twisted his hands against his shirt.

A week before his third-grade graduation, Melvin looked up from his book to see a group of children in the cafeteria trading candy cigarettes. “Hey! You four are violating Rule #7,438: Section Five: ‘Smoking of cigarettes on campus is strongly prohibited! Note: Even if they aren’t lit! Note: Even if they’re candy cigarettes!’ I’m telling!”

“Awww, man.” They said, tucking the packs into their lunchboxes dejectedly. 

*****

“Well, I’m up for it in any case.” Harold responded, “I’m also about to go get a sandwich-either of you two want one?”

“I’ll take one!” George said, fanning out the deck, “I’m starving!”

Melvin politely declined, earning a look of confusion from both of the troublemakers. The truth was, in fact, that he had been so caught up with his studies that he hadn’t eaten in days; even when he and his sister ordered dinner, he would take a slice of pizza up to his room, then generally put it on top of a bookshelf, forget about it, and leave it for Danderella. At school, he never so much forgot his lunch as the desire to eat it; every time since Monday, he had felt a peculiar weight in his stomach, telling him to stuff it in his locker, to give it to somebody else, just to continue with his extra-credit assignments. That was the important thing, most of all-the extra credit was worth it, worth the fatigue and distorted rhythm of his perfected order to life, worth the trembling in his legs, all for the extra plus on his A’s, the smiles on his teachers’ faces, the extra cache he relied on when he stuttered during an oral report or rushed his penmanship in a five-page essay, earning him a docked half-point or so. 

Besides, eating was a waste of time that could be better dedicated to his research.

Still, Harold came back a few minutes later carrying an extra dish between the two in his hands, the rim meticulously balanced on the edges of the other two. Propping one knee under the paper plates, he passed out the sandwiches to all three of them in turn. 

“For Monsieur George”, he said, faking a French accent, “Your peanut butter and gummy worm sandvich, vith cold can of ze finest Mountain Dew, as well as light side of chips.” 

“Why, Mr. Hutchins, this is a rather delightful spread.” George said, feigning the voice of a luxuriously wealthy diner in a black-and-white film.

“And for Monsieur Melvin, ve have ze freshly pressed grilled cheese sandvich vith Dr. Pepper and chips. How do you like?” 

Melvin took the tray and aligned the neatly cut sandwich to a more aesthetically pleasing angle relative to the soda and Doritos bag. “Oh, uh..thanks for the sandwich I didn’t actually ask for?”

Harold broke out of his waiter impression for a moment. “Sorry, I didn’t explain this one. It’s a goofy tradition we have- you have to respond in a fancy accent.”

Melvin nodded slightly, then replied in a Russian voice, “Okay, I get it now. But my waitering friend, I have not placed an order!”

“Ah, vell, I fear ve have made an extra sandvich anyhow. So..you might as well take it, compliments of ze Tree House Gahden-Gahdens.” 

He grinned and sat down at his place, carefully arranging his hand of cards and setting down his own tuna salad-chocolate chip-miniature marshmallow sandwich with Sprite and Fritos. 

Melvin took a bite of the sandwich, and it tasted like...well, like a regular grilled cheese sandwich, but like something more at the same time. Something he hadn’t felt in a long, long time. 

“Did you use oregano in this?”

Harold winked, swallowing a bite of his own lunch before speaking. “Original Hutchins recipe.”

#########

“So, Melvin...do you have a hobby besides Science-y stuff and card games?” George asked.

“I make papercraft modules, play World of Warcraft, collect little tin cars, alphabetize everything, sort laundry by color in rainbow order, lightest to darkest...lots of stuff. Why?” he asked. 

“Eh. Just seeing if you do anything cool. Which you don’t.”

“What?”

George shrugged. “I call ‘em like I see ‘em.”

“O-kay...so, what do you two do for fun, besides card games, getting into trouble, and making comics?”

“Not much. Mostly just laugh at silly stuff and hang out in the club house. Skateboarding. Watching TV. Playing video games. That sort of thing.”

“How did you hook a television up to your club house?”

“Oh, it’s pretty interesting, actually!” Harold interjected, “You see, Mr. Beard built the basic layout, but one summer we actually earned so much money from odd jobs that we bought a second-hand television from somewhere, screwed a power outlet to the underside of the house, and hooked it up ourselves! Creative thinking, huh?”

“Mm-hmm..” Melvin said distractedly. “You two realize we’ve spent four and a half hours playing card games, video games, and goofing off?”

“Welcome to summer vacation, genius!” he said, nudging the scientist in the shoulder.

“Yeah..but it’s a two-hour walk back to my house, and given the time-” he paused to gesture to the hands on his watch cocked at 10:28-”I should probably start heading back. So, if you’ll excuse me-” he started to climb down the wooded steps of the tree house- “I’ll go. Thanks for having me over.” 

“Hang on!” Harold said, jumping off the top platform, grabbing one of the sturdier branches, and gently sliding down to the grass, “I’ll ask my dad to give you a ride! We’ve never seen your house anyway-is it like, a mansion or something?”

George straddled the rope of the tire swing and slid down, remaining on top of the tire. “Yeah, maybe it’s a science lab! Or an apartment!”

Harold looked at his black-haired friend peculiarly. 

“How is an apartment interesting?”

“It could be a nice apartment!” he retorted. “Or maybe one with a ton of secret passageways and a chocolate chandelier!” 

“I live in a pretty boring house, you two.” Melvin chuckled softly, “Though of course, I wouldn’t decline a ride, if it wouldn’t bother your parents too much.”

“Oh yeah, no! Not at all!” George responded, running inside and reemerging with his father, who ruffled Melvin’s hair with only a slight bit of annoyance not directed at him, but rather, at being interrupted while he was reading his favorite novel. (And he’d just gotten to the good part, too.)

“So, you’re the Sneedly kid who needs a ride, right?”

“Yes, sir. I apologize for bothering you this late, just-”

“Well, there’s no need to apologize, little fella! My son says you live way out of this neighborhood, is this true?”

“Well, yes, you could say that.” he responded, fingering the edge of his pressed sweater.

“May I ask for your address?”

“It’s 1123 Wilson Way, sir.”

“Oh, okay! Well then, you boys buckle up for the Beardmobile! Harold, do you want a ride home too?”

The blond giggled slightly at the question, almost involuntarily. “Yes, Mr. Beard. Thank you!”

############

He had expected the trip to be awkward, that he’d be staring at his hands the whole way until George’s father let him off, but after forty-five minutes of conversation, Melvin found that he didn’t mind it so much after all.

When they finally stopped at the address, the mischief-making duo stepped out after him, each giving some sort of salute to their chauffeur.

“Are you two planning to move in?” Melvin asked bemusedly, “ Because I’m not sure you quite fit the...atmosphere.”

In unison, George and Harold both bowed deeply to the ginger, acting the part of a high-class attendant. 

“Vy, Mr. Sneedly, ve came as escorts to see your fancy house!” George said, faking the second faux French accent and hooking his arm in Melvin’s.

“It is the least ve could do for a friend in need at-” Harold said, taking the boy’s skinny wrist gently in his hands and glancing at his watch-”11:15 at night!”

Melvin rolled his eyes and smiled. 

“ Vous êtes deux fous. Je suis honoré d'être considéré comme votre ami.”

“...I have no idea what you just said.”

#########

Up in his bedroom, the boys dropped their arms and simultaneously dropped to one knee, giving an over-dramatic grand sweeping gesture.

“Your room, Mr. Sneedly?” Harold said, cracking a grin.

“Yes, yes, you have both been fine escorts. Now please, leave so I may continue research.” he said, in imitation of a wealthy person while struggling not to smile.

“Ah, but school starts at like, 6:00 AM! Surely, you’d want to get more than forty minutes of sleep tonight?”

“I’m not even going to ask how you got my polyphastic sleep schedule down.”

“Tough luck, sport.” George said, doing a bad impersonation of his father, “The, um, school code or something says that even crazy mad scientists with flammable chemicals and miniature robots have to sleep longer than the car ride it took to get here.”

“Yeah, and if you don’t, then...uh..we’re going to hypnotize you!” Harold said, his thumb rubbing his bare index finger instinctively.

“What? Bro, we might accidentally turn him into Doctor Octopus or something!” George whispered.

“Yeah, he already did that. Remember that Octopus-robot thing he had a while back? Good point, though.” Harold whispered back.

“Sooooo you’re both going to stay..in my room...while your dad waits outside...until I go to sleep?” Melvin asked.

“Yup! We can even give you a mild dose of sleeping powder if you’re going to be all stubborn and stuff!” Harold chuckled.

“Either you broke into the White House or the stuff you have doesn’t work. And I’m going to guess you-”

Harold tore open a waxy paper packet, shook the contents into his palm, and blew it gently towards the boy, who stood his ground rambling about the homeostatic process and cytokines while visibly becoming more exhausted as he spoke. Before long, he fell asleep on the spot, and the ten-year-old bit his lower lip and pressed his hand against his heart. 

“Awww, he looks so adorable when he’s asleep!” he murmured softly.

“Did you just drug Melvin? Because, I know this is a bit hippo-critic-y, but we could probably get in a lot of trouble for that.”

“Nah, it’s corn starch. But since we told him it was sleeping powder, it actually worked-I think that’s called the Placenta effect.’’

 Turning to George, he rattled off instruction with surprising authority.

“Alright. You, get his shoulders, and I’ll get his feet. We’ll lift on three..” 

Together, they tucked him under the oddly-unwrinkled sheets, George taking off his glasses and propping them up on his nightstand as an afterthought before they ran downstairs beaming and jumped into the “Beardmobile”.

“Did we just nerd-sit?” Harold laughed.

“Yeah...I think we did!” George responded, holding out his fist expectantly.

“Nerdsitting.” The two said once more, fingers dancing in the cool night air as they pulled apart.

FIN!

Haha, sorry for another Author’s Note down here. Just wanted to point out, that, if anyone was wondering, Melvin’s French translates roughly to “You’re both fools. I’m honored to be considered your friend.” 

Pandafish!