#<- is that even a trigger
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"i would know her by reformed body alone... i would know her in death"
also... there's official art
#happy national lesbian necromancy day#studio trigger somehow made it even gayer#between this and senshi pantyshot... we were fed#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#spoilers#yes i needed to make my gifs huge#for... you know...#science#farcille#falin touden#marcille donato#long post#anime#art#autoplay warning
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was talking with a friend about how some of dunmeshi fŠ°ndom misunderstands kabru's initial feelings towards laios.
to sum up kabru's situation via a self-contained modernized metaphor:
kabru is like a guy who lost his entire family in a highly traumatic car accident. years later he joins a discord server and takes note of laios, another server member who seems interesting, so they start chatting. then laios reveals his special interest and favorite movie of all time is David Cronenberg's Crash (1996), and invites kabru to go watch a demolition derby with him
#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#kabru#kabru already added laios as a discord friend. everyone else in the server can see laios excitedly asking kabru to go with him#what would You even Do in this situation. how would YOU feel?#basically: kabru isnt a laios-hater! hes just in shock bc Thats His Trauma. the key part is kabru still says yes#bc he wants to get to know laios. to understand why laios would be so fascinated by something horrific to him#and ALSO bc even while in shock kabru can still tell laios has unique expertise + knowledge that Could be used for Good#even if kabru doesnt fully trust laios yet (bc kabru just started talking to the guy 2 hours ago. they barely know each other)#kabru also understands that getting to know ppl (esp laios) means having to get to know their passions. even if it triggers his trauma here#but thats too much to fit in this metaphor/analogy. this is NOT an AU! its not supposed to cover everything abt kabru or laios' character!#its a self-contained metaphor written Specifically to be more easily relatable+thus easy to understand for general ppl online#(ie. assumed discord users. hence why i said (a non-specific) 'discord server' and not something specific like 'car repair subreddit')#its for ppl who mightve not fully grasped kabru's character+intentions and think hes being mean/'chaotic'/murderous.#to place ppl in kabru's shoes in an emotionally similar situation thats more possible/grounded in irl experiences and contexts.#and also for the movie punchline#mynn.txt#dm text#crossposting my tweets onto here since my friends suggested so
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I've been thinking a lot lately about how Kabru deprives himself.
Kabru as a character is intertwined with the idea that sometimes we have to sacrifice the needs of the few for the good of the many. He ultimately subverts this first by sabotaging the Canaries and then by letting Laios go, but in practice he's already been living a life of self-sacrifice.
Saving people, and learning the secrets of the dungeons to seal them, are what's important. Not his own comforts. Not his own desires. He forces them down until he doesn't know they're there, until one of them has to come spilling out during the confession in chapter 76.
Specifically, I think it's very significant, in a story about food and all that it entails, that Kabru is rarely shown eating. He's the deuteragonist of Dungeon Meshi, the cooking manga, but while meals are the anchoring points of Laios's journey, given loving focus, for Kabru, they're ... not.
I'm sure he eats during dungeon expeditions, in the routine way that adventurers must when they sit down to camp. But on the surface, you get the idea that Kabru spends most of his time doing his self-assigned dungeon-related tasks: meeting with people, studying them, putting together that evidence board, researching the dungeon, god knows what else. Feeding himself is secondary.
He's introduced during a meal, eating at a restaurant, just to set up the contrast between his party and Laios's. And it's the last normal meal we see him eating until the communal ending feast (if you consider Falin's dragon parts normal).
First, we get this:
Kabru's response here is such a non-answer, it strongly implies to me that he wasn't thinking about it until Rin brought it up. That he might not even be feeling the hunger signals that he logically knew he should.
They sit down to eat, but Kabru is never drawn reaching for food or eating it like the rest of his party. He only drinks.
It's possible this means nothing, that we can just assume he's putting food in his mouth off-panel, but again, this entire manga is about food. Cooking it, eating it, appreciating it, taking pleasure in it, grounding yourself in the necessary routine of it and affirming your right to live by consuming it. It's given such a huge focus.
We don't see him eat again until the harpy egg.
What a significant question for the protagonist to ask his foil in this story about eating! Aren't you hungry? Aren't you, Kabru?
He was revived only minutes ago after a violent encounter. And then he chokes down food that causes him further harm by triggering him, all because he's so determined to stay in Laios's good graces.
In his flashback, we see Milsiril trying to spoon-feed young Kabru cake that we know he doesn't like. He doesn't want to eat: he wants to be training.
Then with Mithrun, we see him eating the least-monstery monster food he can get his hands on, for the sake of survival- walking mushroom, barometz, an egg. The barometz is his first chance to make something like an a real meal, and he actually seems excited about it because he wants to replicate a lamb dish his mother used to make him!
...but he doesn't get to enjoy it like he wanted to.
Then, when all the Canaries are eating field rations ... Kabru still isn't shown eating. He's only shown giving food to Mithrun.
And of course the next time he eats is the bavarois, which for his sake is at least plant based ... but he still has to use a coping mechanism to get through it.
I don't think Kabru does this all on purpose. I think Kui does this all on purpose. Kabru's Post Traumatic Stress Disorder should be understood as informing his character just as much as Laios's autism informs his. It's another way that Kabru and Laios act as foils: where Laios takes pleasure in meals and approaches food with the excitement of discovery, Kabru's experiences with eating are tainted by his trauma. Laios indulges; Kabru denies himself. Laios is shown enjoying food, Kabru is shown struggling with it.
And I can very easily imagine a reason why Kabru might have a subconscious aversion towards eating.
Meals are the privilege of the living.
#Dungeon Meshi#Delicious in Dungeon#Kabru#Kabru of Utaya#Laios Touden#Dungeon Meshi meta#you can have him in the tags too. as a treat.#Dungeon Meshi spoilers#this was directly inspired by livelaughlaios's post about Kabru self harming but I decided it got too long to make it a direct reply#this is a theory I've been working on for weeks because I kept noticing this while skimming for screencaps#I'm hesitant to trigger tag this because of the way certain subcultures on tumblr operate#but if anyone needs me to add a content warning please let me know#also I included image descriptions! I did my best#I think they even help illustrate my points but my god were they sad to write. Kabru is so fucking sad you guys#musings with Dea
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"I've been waiting for ages for somebody to unmask them."
This moment tends to elicit negative reactions in a first read through, and I've got some opinions about why where Kabru is coming from here actually makes a lot of logical sense. So I thought I'd elaborate on that.
I think people hear this and go, "He thinks they must be hiding something because they gave money to someone? What a cynic." Or "he dislikes them because they did charity?? What's wrong with this guy!". And obviously, a lot, a lot is wrong with him. But I think this makes more sense than it seems at first glance! What people evaluating this judgement miss is why Kabru is paying attention to Laios and co to begin with.
Kabru knows of the Touden siblings because (he's a little bit of a stalker-) he is keeping an eye on all the relevant parties in events developing on the island, in order to be able to guide them to his preferred outcome. This includes adventurers because they are the ones actually exploring the dungeon! He's well aware that something as minor as internal tensions between party members could be key to the historical events that are developing. (He would love the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand.)
His desired outcome is that whatever the rewards are of breaking the dungeon's curse, whether that's kingship or the ancient elven secrets of dungeons, are claimed by:
A) a short lived person
B) Someone who will be a good, effective leader and/or use those secrets and the power they carry wisely, with foresight, and to establish a political bloc for short lived people.
The person he can best trust to do this is, of course, himself. But due to his PTSD regarding dungeons and monsters, he's not able to develop the necessary skills to conquer the dungeon. Once he realises this, he starts looking for someone else who he can support to that end.
But most of the adventurers don't have any intentions of conquering the dungeon, don't have the skills, or are unsuitable in other ways. In fact, it seems like some potentially suitable people are the Toudens. There are a lot of good rumours about them going around - they actually seem to have a very positive reputation! That's what Kabru means when he says "unmask".
So when Kabru is observing something like them giving money to an old comrade from their gold-peeling days, he doesn't consider it a problem because "they're giving money to this person who doesn't actually need it" or because they must have some dark secret if they act superficially nice. I think he actually understands this situation and what it implies about Laios (in particular) perfectly well.
Laios and Falin gave money to an old comrade who got injured and couldn't work. That person then healed up but kept taking their money. Then he used the money to start smuggling illicit goods to the island.
The key is that for Kabru, the problem here is the same as with the corpse retrievers - people using the dungeon's resources to fuel dangerous, selfish, or violent pursuits cause problems for the island, attract more criminals and people with motives other than breaking the curse, and increase the chances of the whole situation ending in tragedy.
Kabru is willing to work with the Shadow Lord of the island if it gets him to his goal - he isn't scrupulous - but the criminal element of the island increasing is something he sees as a major issue.
Also, when you're evaluating someone as a candidate for power, riches, secrets, potentially kingship - then being curious about how the money you give to people is going to be used is kind of a relevant trait!
Interpersonally, Kabru's actually very easygoing - I mean, Mickbell isn't exactly an upstanding guy, is he! But Kabru likes him and they get along well. These traits wouldn't be a problem at all in a friend, or a comrade, or someone Kabru was confident he could use. But he can't get a handle on Laios, and Laios is someone who has the potential to be a major player!
On Laios' end, this is the same as with the marriage seeker who joined their party. She kept asking for things and he gave them to her, because he tries to be nice to others. He even gives her money! It's the exact same thing.
That's fine, but it became a problem because he basically wasn't interested in her motives, didn't notice she was trying to manipulate him, and it also didn't occur to him that the other party members would notice or be affected. We can assume the situation with the gold peeler is the same. When Kabru says that "It's not that they're bad people, they just aren't interested in humans," he isn't wrong.
The extent to which this is true of Laios is linked to his autism imo, (because it isn't just disinterest - he genuinely isn't able to notice nonverbal cues that people are lying to him or have ulterior motives) but to a greater or lesser extent I think it's a very common trait. Most people aren't actually that interested in other people who aren't close to them. Kabru is the weird one here. It isn't an issue except as a leader - which is why we see an immediate comparison to the Island's Lord, because that's how Kabru is evaluating them.
And disinterest in/lack of ability with people to the extent Laios exhibits it, it does, actually, make him a worse leader... it's just that as we see in the story, people can help him out. The rest of the party tell him the marriage seeker is taking advantage of him so he tells her he can't give her special treatment anymore. They're pissed and it's a crisis point - he couldn't have recovered their trust without Marcille and Falin - but that's exactly the point. With Marcille and Falin, he was able to recover their trust.
And he has other good traits that make up for it, such as his intelligence, strategic knowledge, open-mindedness and sense of fairplay.
Kabru doesn't disqualify Laios as a candidate based on what he sees about him from afar, though - he still tries very hard to get close to him, obviously hoping that if he manages he can steer Laios to defeat the dungeon and make up for his lack of people-skills in the aftermath. (Which... he does eventually achieve that goal!) He completely fails until the events of the story, so... definitely I think "They just aren't interested in humans" could also partially be a stung reaction to Laios' complete disinterest in him.
Anyway, that's my read on what exactly Kabru's "issue" with Laios is. Obviously, once he does find out what Laios' true nature is like - about his love for monsters - he develops an entirely new set of fears about Laios' priorities. But since Laios kept that a secret until the start of the story, he has no idea of that yet.
Given all that, I think it's interesting that he says that he doesn't think that the Toudens are suitable to defeat the dungeon, and that he's hoping they'll turn out to be the thieves. As some of his few potential candidates, people who he thinks may play a big role in the island's future, you'd think he'd hope they would be good people!
I suppose it's better, in his eyes, because it means that he's involved in something "interesting". They haven't just had their stuff stolen by regular criminals (boring, puts them further away from his goal) - they've been caught up in the beginning stages of "a historic event". The desperate and dwindling group forgetting morals in their quest to retrieve their lost comrade probably appeals to his sense of melodrama. Because he also just... loves drama.
Despite it being "uglier than anything he was expecting", he still pursues Laios as the person he wants to conquer the dungeon pretty much as soon as it becomes clear that he won't be able to do it himself and they are out of time. That's because... well, to be fair, there aren't any other options. And he fits standard A: he's short-lived!
and Kabru still hopes he can fit standard B, too, and be persuaded to use the power he wins for good. No matter how many nightmares he has about Laios, or whether he thinks about killing him. He doubts him, but ultimately he puts his faith in him and seems happy after the manga's ending that he made the right decision.
#dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi manga spoilers#dungeon meshi meta#kabru of utaya#laios touden#labru#laios x kabru#dunmeshi#og post#kabru is such a big picture thinker. and he evaluates people more than he judges them imo#the hater jokes are funny but the people he judges most harshly arent laios and co. they're people like the island's lord.#but you don't see that as clearly because he isn't interested in the island's lord. he understands him. finds him contemptible but useful.#whereas laios lives in his brain rent free because he WANTS to understand him but doesnt quite.#even though he sees the elves as a major threat to his ultimate goals and dislikes the way they treat short lived races#he still understands and evaluates mithrun as an individual based on his own merits#he's one of the characters who is least judgemental in that sense because while he's always making judgements and evaluations#he's also constantly revising them whenever he gets more information#my beautiful machiavellian prince <3#it's genuinely a really laudable way of understanding others imo.#the only problem is that because he's driven towards his goals by his PTSD and survivors guilt#he pushes himself into situations (the dungeon and also interpersonally) that trigger him or even just upset him#without regard for what he authentically wants or his own wellbeing.
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idfk where 2 post this its like, not instagram appropri8, so here it is here. what even is this. i took an edible and i blacked out and all i got was this stupid tshirt
#I JUST WATXHED THE BARBIE MOVIE i think thats it#ok going to tag this with every possible tw i csn thibk of#ed tw#eating disorder tw#nudity tw#top surgery tw#<- is that even a trigger#scars tw#tw#rb if u want im feelint silly
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aoi projecting her period pains onto togami (2024, digital)
#aoi asahina#byakuya togami#lol. lmao even#giggled while drwaing this#these are 100% targeted attacks btw she is making the conscious choice to do this to him specifically#dear lord please take all my suffering and put it onto byakuya togami#my arts#danganronpa trigger happy havoc
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I think the death weirdos should hang out
#transformers#maccadam#first aid#rewind#arts#death mention tw#how do i even trigger tag for snff film mention without getting shadow banned. is the question.#for the record i dont think either of them are having A Good Time in that last panel#but watching them has become like a compulsion#like when aid found out abt the tapes he was like oh goddamit. fuck. well i have to watch them :/#and everyone else was like no???? you really dont have to wtf??#but the specter of amulons corpse that watches aid from the darkened corner of the room tells him he has to so#whos he supposed to listen to here
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there are a lot of evil people in the world and a lot of darkness in the world and so itās very important for me to stress that now more than ever is the time to spread kindness and compassion. combat the evil by not only not partaking in it, but actively refuting it. destroy the notion that being compassionate or generous or kind to someone is uncool or embarrassing or even scary. be the change you want to see. start a chain reaction. positivity only breeds more positivity. do an act of kindness for someone so that that person who is too afraid to do it themselves can see you, realize that theyāre not alone, and perhaps sheepishly follow your example. and then the next person who is too afraid but sees that person can do the same. when bad news comes out about bad people or horrible atrocities in the world itās such an easy impulse to despair, and obviously itās important to feel what you need to feel. grieve. be angry. be sorrowful. be empathetic. but dust off your pants and get up and be a part of a chain reaction that, no matter how small the scale, and spread compassion and love and care. all the reasons why you might notāāitās hard! itās scary! people will make fun of me! itās useless because thereās too much evil!ā are all grade A arguments as to why you should. you have no idea how many people you could inspire to do the same. even if it doesnāt get you anyway far, you can at least say you have the nobility of trying. please choose love and please choose life. you are worth loving and you are worth inspiring others to love
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In-game Narilamb:
based on my gameplay, post-usurption
Settled down, former god of death, retired and now wifed up, occasionally gives each other kisses, danced together when the flock is asleep
Narilamb in the Fanfics:
#q myers thoughts#Iād like to think this video was just narinder doing the usual log work in somewhere secluded bcs yknow#heās trying to adjust to the cult#and then lamb prolly said summ triggering hence why narinder started jumping them#actually. is it even a narilamb fanfic without narinder plotting some scheme to take back the crown or#cotl#cult of the lamb#cotl lamb#cotl narinder#narilamb
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Just thinking some thoughts.
Nightwing (Vol. 2) #119
Batman: Battle for the Cowl #3
Bonus:
Nightwing (Vol. 2) #105
#you watch the clip of megumi saying ''that's why i've never once regretted saving you''#and suddenly your brain throws 3 panels in front of you#why does this happen to me aslkdja like i wasn't even thinking about dick or jason At All and then boom. trigger.#Dick Grayson#Jason Todd
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Fellas is it gay to kneel between your friendās legs and beg him with tears in your eyes to pause the mission, just temporarily, so that one no one in your party dies in the effort? Is it gay to plead with him and tell him that youāre afraid to lose him, that all 3 of them matter to you, but that your fate is ultimately in his hands?? Fellas????
#catch me shipping all the dunmeshi ships idgaf THEYāRE ALL GOOD#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#chilchuck tims#laios touden#chilaios#i was so certain that somebody had to have made a post about this by now and NOBODY HAS???#like trigger follows the manga but they EMPHASIZED the angles on how close chilchuck is between laiosā legs#i wasnāt even thinking of them in a shippy light until this scene#chilchuck#laios dungeon meshi#chilchuck dungeon meshi#chilchuck x laios#laios x chilchuck#neo queen serenityās posts
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Being a batfam fan is funny because people will make a post like āhereās my headcanon-ā and itās just something thatās directly canon to the story then post about major canon events and get everything wrong.
#this post was inspired by me remembering the experience of reading death in the family#after only knowing the fanbase version and realizing oh none of that shit happened okay#like girl you donāt understand itās so bad#Jason wasnāt even fired as Robin#Heās not accused of murdering anyone by Bruce#Heās not trying to prove himself at all heās just looking for his mom#The reason Bruce didnāt go after him right away is because he was tracking down a goddamn nuke the Joker stole#Then after he finds it and handles the problem he helps Jason track down moms 2 and 3#Also Jason died in like 20 minutes?? even less??#He died in less time than it took his mother to smoke a cigarette#Bruce literally went āwait here Iāll be right backā and was gone for less time than a trip to the grocery store#and then you go into the Jason Todd tag and they act like Bruce pulled the damn trigger on him#Like besties I donāt know how to tell you this he basically did everything right he possibly could have#Even him benching Jason from Robin temporarily happens so that he can get Jason into therapy about his trauma#Like the whole point is that neither of them did anything wrong bad shit just sometimes happens#Thatās the tragedy. The drama.#Bruce couldnāt have made better choices in the position he was in and Jason was never going to make different ones#It was inevitable#Anyway rant over please read death in the family before I lose my mind#batfam#batman#jason todd#tim drake#dick grayson#damian wayne#bruce wayne
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OH DEAAAAAARRRRRR
I DIDN'T EXPECT THIS SUDDEN BOMB
tho of course, no danger happened.
Only a wash of screams and squeals from us readers
#spy x family#spy x family manga#spy x family spoilers#sxf spoilers#sxf mission 96#ohhhhh just a bit more and we hit 100!!!#and lol#i know a certain someone who'll definitely be upset with this arc lol#might even trigger that said person to leave for some time (hopely not)#but goshhhhhh KYAAAAAAA#anya#damian#damianya
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something the women in my family are absolutely flabbergasted by every time it comes up is the fact that i donāt own a scale.
āhow do you know how much you weigh??ā they cry.
āi donāt.ā i simply respond.
āyou look thinner, have you lost weight?ā they ask at christmas.
āi dunno.ā i say as i check on the turkey.
āyou look bigger, have you gained weight?ā they probe, as if my weight rests on their shoulders.
āiām not sure, but itās fine if i have.ā i respond with a casualness they cannot comprehend.
ādonāt you want to know if youāve lost or gained?ā they inquire over cups of coffee and a plate of untouched cookies.
āi do.ā i take a sip. āwhich is why i donāt need to know.ā
āwe donāt understand.ā they say.
āiāll drive myself mad if i know. itās been a question iāve been looking for the answer to since i was in the seventh grade and my weight was the topic of conversation for the first time; the stretch marks on my calves puberty brought being questioned and condemned. and so i started weighing myself once a day. then twice a day. i gained weight as i grew and was told to stop. i got depressed when i was 16 and the weight i gained was more concerning than the scars on my thighs. the critiques turned to compliments during my first year of college when iād started skipping meals and my body had to feed itself because i wouldnāt. everyday i stepped on the scale and smiled as i watched that number get smaller and smaller. hunger felt like victory. i started doing drugs that took away my appetite and then my strength. and started feeling guilt when my stomach felt full. and suddenly every time i looked in the mirror i hated what i saw. the more weight i lost, the better i was supposed to feel. each remark on another part of my body lost felt like a slap to the face. i was told i looked good but i knew i wasnāt good enough. and so i tried harder. and then i started to get dizzy when i stood. and i ignored it like iād learned to ignore my hunger. and then one day at work i dropped like the weight that was never enough after i bending at the waist to grab a milk cap from the floor. and when the darkness faded, i was surrounded by panic as an ambulance was called. and then i was tested and prodded and poked because they thought something was wrong with my heart. and the problem persisted but they never found out why. but iād known all along. and then i left home and its scale behind. and moved into a new home that was mine. so i bought plates and sheets and art for the walls. but i didnāt buy a scale. then every time i walked down an aisle iād see the them and pause. and iād think about the hunger i now kept at bay. and even though i didnāt know how much i weighed, i didnāt notice my body had changed. and iād think about how i hadnāt been dizzy for months. and how i hadnāt fainted for longer. and then iād keep on walking. and now most days i like how i look.ā
ābut donāt you want to be skinny?ā comes their quiet response.
āi want to be myself in whatever body i have.ā
they stare in disbelief. so i shrug my shoulders, and grab a cookie. and i smile at them as i swallow the first bite.
#trigger warning ed#tw disordered eating#body neutrality i love you !!#the women in my family cannot comprehend that i donāt diet anymore#and that i just eat what i want#and that im okay with the unknown#bc my body tried its hardest to be kind to me#even when i tried my hardest to be unkind to it#and now itās time to pay it back#throw out your scales!! theyāre bad for your mental health!!
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#hazbin hotel#hazbin#you guys care so much about this show#canāt you block the tag or smth#like im sorry if it triggers your trauma. dont engage with it then#some of us are processing trauma different than you#also! hot take! even people who werenāt SAd can enjoy the show!
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In the same vein as "I've been taking my medication for long enough that I haven't experienced any symptoms in a while, I must not need to take it anymore! (Spoiler alert: the meds are why you haven't had symptoms)" I present to you a similarly clownish thought process- "I haven't experienced that trigger in a long time, maybe I was just exaggerating how bad it was and it'll be fine to engage with this! (Spoiler alert: take a fucking guess babes)"
#on a definitely unrelated note the contamination obsessive thoughts are in fact still there and still upsetting#turns out when you take care to avoid things that trigger and upset you...#those things still trigger and upset you even if youve avoided them for a while#š±š¤Æ#ptsd#cptsd#trauma#recovery#disabled#autistic adult#actually autistic#<- idk if thats a good tag or not it just came up suggested when i typed autism so#ocd#<- not dxed and not even sure if i feel comfy self dxing w ocd but i definitely have upsetting obsessive + compulsive tendencies + thoughts#that i struggle with a lot so#medication#trauma recovery#triggers#arfid#disability#neurodivergent#neurodiversity#audhd
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