#<- first time coming up with a rant tag so this might change

[ragecndybars]

i get the justification for them but i'm getting tired of posts that scold others for things like "giving studios free marketing" when what's really happening is literally just that people were excited for XYZ thing to come out and so they... talked about it online. Or drew art. Or whatever else.

like. what a fucking bleak perspective. to imply that you have to repress your excitement for something or keep it behind closed doors because otherwise you're somehow playing into the dirty capitalists' hands or whatever. like don't get me wrong! i understand the frustration somewhat, especially when a social media trend then causes the studios to do something dumb, like how morbius memes convinced them to let it flop a second time or how the barbie movie buzz is going to lead to a ton of other probably shitty mattel copyrighted films. i get it.

but like. that's on the studios. that's on the people at the top who think they can strike gold twice. it's absolutely not on the people who just thought the morbius memes were funny or really loved the barbie movie. and to get mad at them is almost insidious to me. like. if we can't even get excited on social media about things anymore then what the fuck else can we do? be miserable and complain?

idk i'm probably overreacting but i think it's so weird to claim that it's on social media users and artists and people who watch movies to somehow keep media giants in check, or that people's genuine excitement and art or even just their silly little memes are nothing more than """free advertising""". idk.

[mysterious-meat-cake]

First post on here and it's a rant!! If you want more cool takes you should totally follow me as I'll be posting here more often and have totally cool art to share‼️‼️

I'm not completely sure how to tag this? I'm talking about the ships in a positive light so I think it's okay, and besides, I want lots of peeps to see it, I'm aware I probably won't change many people's minds at all, but it's okay lol, I just want Anti's to see they genuinely have a nothing burger and need to leave people alone.

This is a mostly TikTok only problem regarding Beast x Ancient's (thank god) but I've seen my fair share elsewhere like on here. So lemme counter every argument I've seen so far cause you got a lot of time on your hands to be telling people to off themselves over Cookie ships 😭 put that hate into people who actually deserve it.

BILLFORD COMPARISON

Regarding ShadowVanilla specifically, people have compared the ship a lot from both sides, but what really got me is what I've seen here:

"Shadow Milk Cookie is way worse than Bill! He drove Pure Vanilla to insanity! He tortured him!"- This is in regards to how people bring up the fact Anti's are fine with one thing but not the other when it's basically the same thing they're against. Psychological, physical, mental, and emotional torture. I'll be honest I haven't watched Gravity Falls whatsoever, but my friend has, and from what she says, yeah Bill is the definition of a cruel and unusual punishment. He's done some crazy things, absolutely heinous, might even be a little worse than Shadow Milk or on the same level, either way though-

You can't like one thing and then not the other, it's different flavors of the same thing, it's hypocritical. Either you hate them both or you hate neither.

"Those are 2 different fandoms!"- Doesn't matter, it's the same thing, just different media, it's not different whatsoever aside from the universe, there's much torture involved on both ends.

ABUSER X VICTIM

This one I've seen A LOT and I'm just ??

"If you ship Beast x Ancient's you support Abuser x victim btw"- That's a STRETCH. You are reaching FAR. Nobody is romanticizing the abuse, nobody is normalizing it, it's stuff that happened in canon and we acknowledge it but nobody is doing any of that other stuff. I'm not condoning anyone in real life to do that shit lol. It's called exploring, they have an interesting dynamic, romantic or platonic, two sides of the same coin. You can say the same thing about horror movies, they put a lot of disturbing stuff in there. Do the movie producers CONDONE any of that stuff? Obviously not. Goes for Devsisters too, they don't condone body mutilation yet they still made Burning Spice rip off Cheese's wings.

But even so, for the people who DO like it for the angst, I won't say fiction doesn't affect reality because it does in many cases, but this isn't one of them. Not every relationship is going to be peachy and perfect, just like in real life. I can give an example on this one too actually.

GoldenLily, they aren't condoning what Lily (technically) did to Golden Cheese's kingdom, but they like it for all the potential, complicated feelings and emotions that come along with it.

Also, that's basically the same thing with Beasts x Ancients, just turn it around to enemies to lovers.

"This isn't Villain x hero, this is abuser x victim"- Are you saying MOST of media is abuser x victim then? This is in fact a typical hero x Villain trope, it's nothing new. Respectfully, you guys freak out when a Villain does villain stuff, I'd be surprised if there was a villain who DIDN'T cause any trauma for the opposing party. But according to this logic, media is just dead, no more fanfiction, no more what ifs, no more content since it's all apparently problematic and not canon. Even if somebody switches stuff up in an AU, and makes things completely fluffy, that's apparently still not enough.

"oh you had to make an AU to ship them because you know it's toxic"- No, it's just playing around with scenarios. Learn to separate fanon from canon. This specifically goes for the redeemed AU's I see of the Beasts, people still complain, they act as if people can't change. One of the biggest examples I have of that is FlutterCord, Discord did plenty of messed up things, but in the end, he still managed to change. You'll still get burned at the stake for it though.

"You must be an abuser yourself to condone this!!"- Extremely disrespectful and a WILDDD take. Need I say more??

"I ship Beast x Beast rather than Beast x Ancient's"- According to your logic, the Beasts are abusers right? And if we followed the same story, they are not mentally well whatsoever. You'd rather ship 2 dangerously mentally unstable characters together who'd just make each other worse? Destroy each other? Fuck each other up beyond belief? It doesn't make sense does it, nor is it fair for y'all to praise these ships but hate on the others. You like watching the cookies crumble huh 😭

CANON

"The ship isn't canon!"- We know that, everyone should know that. With what I said earlier, please learn to separate fanon from canon. That's what a fandom is, we do non-canon stuff, it's very fun, you should try it.

"It's a Proship/Dark ship!"- Going the canon route, Beasts are Eons old, Ancients are thousands of years old. Big gap yes, but nonetheless all of them are old as fuck. Older than bloodlines. Treating the Ancients as if they aren't grown adults. You're intentionally trying to make it weird. Stop calling ships you don't like proships please.

Also a little off topic but please don't listen to everyone you interact with on TikTok?? I remember one time I was scrolling through a comment section and saw somebody say "Doesn't Mystic Flour Cookie hate Burning Spice Cookie?" On a MysticSpice vid, looked in the replies, somebody asked for proof/where it was implied, and they didn't answer 💀 just blatantly spreading misinformation. Sources around you are way more reliable than people who don't back up their claims.

CONCLUSION

Even despite all this, you still have the right to feel how you wanna feel. Just please stop harassing people for simple stuff like this, in all honesty, I feel like it's more about seeing one of your favorite characters shipped with somebody who hurt them in canon that makes peeps upset. Which I can totally understand because I used to be exactly like that, I LIVEEEE for Dark Cacao Cookie, when Mystic Flour's update came out, I wanted her dead. Quite literally blocked someone because I couldn't stand seeing their MysticCao art. Hated what she did to my baby boy fr.

But then It started growing on me, over time, I just realized it was never that serious.

Even so, notice how I still didn't go out of my way to harass said person about it because I specifically didn't like it? It really is that easy. Block and go about your day.

I also suspect this because of stuff like this 💀

Love that person who replied, but it's not that hard y'all. We all can in fact, get along.

ANYWAYSSSS thanks to those who took the time read, I love you my pookies hope you have a good day or night💕💕

[lillaydee]

Shhh!!!

Celebrity!Joel Miller / F Reader

A reluctant celebrity contractor who has closed his heart for love meets a celebrity-hating Cafe on Wheels owner...

She HATES him. Thing is, he couldn't get enough of the coffee she makes...

Tag List:

@kirsteng42 @peelieblue @harriedandharassed @joelalorian @vickie5446 @inept-the-magnificent @maried01 @brittmb115 @peedrow

Let me know if you would like to be added/removed from the tag list.

Dividers by the awesome @saradika

WARNINGS: Grumpy Joel (The Last of Us), Protective Joel (The Last of Us), Good Parent Joel (The Last of Us), Joel is Bad at Feelings (The Last of Us), Alternate Universe - No Cordyceps Outbreak (The Last of Us), Joel Needs a Hug (The Last of Us), Celebrity Joel Miller, Fluff and Angst, Eventual Smut, I'm Bad At Tagging, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Tags May Change, Hurt Joel (The Last of Us), Jealousy.

SERIES MASTER LIST

“Come on Joel! It’s not that big a deal! I’m not a little girl anymore. I’m 16!”

“No!”

“Why not? It’s not like I’m asking to get married or anything like that… Ew… even the thought makes me want to puke.”

“You’re still in school. I don’t want you to lose focus. You don’t need a job.”

“I just want to get some experience. And I wanna save up for a car.”

“I’ll buy you a car.”

“Yeah, good luck with that. What did Sarah do when you bought her one instead of letting her work for one?”

Joel sighed. He downed the rest of his coffee. Grimaced at the now cold coffee and went to get a refill – but the pot was cold now, too. “Damn it,” he grumbled. The fucking coffee maker was broken. Again.

“You know, you might be the richest man I know who still drinks coffee from a 20 year old machine you got as a birthday present. You know you can buy a new one for less than 100 bucks? You give me more weekly.”

Joel rolled his eyes. “It’s fine. I’ll just rewire it. Again.”

Ellie banged her head on the breakfast counter. “Quit being such a cheapskate, old man. How are you okay to buy me a car if you won’t spend less than 100 bucks on yourself?”

Ellie regretted her words before she could draw breath after that. She knew he was not a cheapskate, exactly. It wasn’t about the money. It was the coffee maker. What it symbolized.

His late wife had given it to him as a birthday present when Sarah was about one. She died in a car crash a week later. He was suddenly a widowed single father at 22.

He refused to replace that coffee maker, even though the coffee now came out burnt and ridiculously bitter. It had been rewired and fixed so many times neither Ellie nor Sarah wanted to touch the damned thing, worried they’d get shocked by it. Ellie swore she saw the lights flicker when Joel turned it on that morning.

But he didn’t react, just rolled his eyes at her, again, before picking up his keys and pushing her out the door, nowhere near fulfilled, coffee-wise.

Ellie wanted to shake the man who had been taking care of her since she turned 12. She had been Sarah’s mentee at the rec centre, and when her mother disappeared, Joel took her in, no questions asked. Her life took a 180 that day. He made sure she had everything she needed, got her into school, took interest in her progress, listened to her when she needed advice, even listened to her rants, albeit with a grumpy face.

She felt bad for him, he worked ‘til midnight yesterday. Shoot ran long. Ellie was sure he didn’t get home ‘til 2am. And now he’s already up to drive her to her summer art programme. She didn’t want to tell him about the programme at first, knowing it would take time out of his day to drive her back and forth. His schedule was bonkers to begin with. He’d done enough. So she got the bright idea of having a summer job. If she could buy a car, she could drive herself. There would be no need to trouble Joel anymore. Sarah drove her sometimes, but she wouldn’t be back from school for a couple more weeks.

Ellie and Sarah would talk sometimes, worried about Joel. He worked too hard. No social life to speak of, at least, not that they knew about. His life was the two of them, his brother Tommy and his work. They asked each other the last time they remembered him going out on a date, or even a vacation, for that matter, and neither could recall for sure. For a while, they thought he and Angela, his manager slash agent was a thing. But Tommy vehemently denied it, saying they were just business acquaintances. He changed the day his wife died, Tommy said. He became hardened. Stoic. Grumpy. To everyone save for Sarah, and now, Ellie. Not to worry, Tommy had told them, your father had people he could call if he felt… lonely, he said. Neither girls wanted to ask Tommy about their father’s social life, or lack thereof again after that.

Not that they were denying what Tommy suggested. It wasn’t as if he was short of interested parties. Being on a show as big as his and Tommy’s, he didn’t want for screaming ladies, something he was never interested in. He and Tommy started as contractors, renovating houses, their small company doing okay to support their small family, even in an expensive town like LA. They renovated a producer’s kitchen one day, and he offered them a contract as set builders for a show he was producing, and then the next, and then the next, and before they knew it, they had a show of their own, beginning with basic DIY stuff for a morning show, expanding to full on house renovations and builds. Tommy was the handsome, friendly, bubbly face of the show, and Joel the grumpy, reluctant contractor in the background. ‘Build with the Millers’ was a huge hit, and Joel Miller was the grumpy contractor that ladies and men alike swooned over.

Why exactly, neither Ellie nor Sarah understood. He was the same, scruffy man in his 40s that he was at home, just as he was on TV. No make up or overly styled hair for him. Apparently, after an incident involving a broken, aforementioned coffee machine and a late night taking care of a feverish Sarah, no make-up artist on set wanted to go near him again, lest they lose a few fingers trying. So he was on TV, face oily, scruff unkempt, hair unruly and all, dressed in whatever comfy shirt or flannel he managed to grab from his dresser that morning, and still the ladies swooned over him.

Fans approached him all the time, asking for pictures, often ignored. It became a thing at one point, people posting about their disappointing encounters with Joel Miller. He just walked past, hands around Sarah, shielding her face in case people took photos of her. He had relaxed a bit nowadays, but still wouldn’t entertain requests for photos, and still kept his arms around his girls when he noticed people whipping their phones out to take a picture. He left the glamourous part of the job to Tommy, much to Angela’s chagrin. He could make so much more, she had coaxed at one point. He didn’t need any more money than he already had, he said. So he left all the money making dalliances to Tommy.

Sarah once told Ellie that they lived in their old house for quite a while after the show took off, Joel only investing in a bigger place with a yard, only so that he could make sure Sarah’s privacy and safety was under control. He had woken up to a strange woman in his kitchen making breakfast for him and Sarah once and had to get a restraining order against her. He contacted a real estate agent that very day, and he slept better at night knowing that his daughters were safer behind the tall fences and a top notch security system.

Even though he himself was a simple man, he made sure his daughters want for nothing, as long as they remained humble. No designer anything for them. He still drove his beat up truck, so no Ferraris for the girls. He himself didn’t have the opportunity to go to college, so his girls were going, no matter what. That was why he was so against them having a job, he wanted them to focus. But what he didn’t realize was the girls looked up to him and lived by his example, wanting to work hard to enjoy their earnings more. When he bought Sarah a car instead of letting her get a job, she sold the brand new Prius he got her and gave the money to the rec centre she volunteered at, where she met Ellie. She got a job and got a second hand Mini instead.

And Ellie was determined to do the same.

She took out her phone and texted someone, glancing at her yawning adopted father as she did so. “So, can I get a job or not?”

“No.”

“Come on!!! Just for the summer. Not like I have school.”

“You have this class. This art thing. You begged me to get this tutor to teach you for the summer. Focus on that. I thought you wanted to go to art school.”

“Yeah, but we finish at noon. And they are prioritizing those going to colleges for volunteer work right now, so that’s out. What the hell am I supposed to do ‘til the next day? And I have to wait around for you to pick me up and you are not always on time, and you wouldn’t let me take an Uber.”

“So let me buy you a car.”

Ellie gave him the typical Miller girls’ combo of a side-eye and eye roll. “I guess the rec centre could use the money I will get from selling it.”

Joel stopped the truck at the rec centre, taking a deep, deep breath of frustration. He wanted to persist, but he could see he was fighting a losing battle. “Where exactly is this job you’re planning to get?”

Her face lit up, opening the door and jumping out, yelling at him to wait. She disappeared around the corner to the side of the building, coming back out not five minutes later, a massive cup of coffee in her hands. She presented it to him with both hands, complete with a curtsey, head bowed. “Coffee from my new work place, Your Majesty,” she said.

Joel rolled his eyes. If there was one thing he hated more than anything else in the world, it was pretentious fancy coffee, robbing people of their money. He didn’t take it.

“Come on, old man. You know you need this. Go on, I promise you it will be better than the ones you burn every morning.”

“How would you know that? You don’t even like coffee.”

“There’s a long line every day. Must be good. Plus, I need to help my new boss sell coffee now, don’t I?” she smirked.

Joel took yet another deep, impatient breath, took the coffee and had a sip.

Ellie watched as for a split second, his entire body relaxed, eyes closed, and breathing calmed. Just as quickly, though, he opened his eyes and sulked, placed the coffee in his cup holder and passed Ellie her back pack. “Pick you up around the usual time.” Ellie stepped back and waved Joel goodbye.

Huh. The man who swore coffee that didn’t come from his ancient coffee machine or the craft service of his show was crap just had a good reaction to that cup of coffee. Coffee that he would classify as ‘a modern fucking robbery’ just because they took some time to craft and cost more than a dollar. She walked back to the truck she had gotten the coffee from, taking the slotted tray with another cup of coffee and an iced tea placed on the sill.

“I guess I’ll see you after class then, Boss!” she semi shouted.

You dipped your head low to see her from your perch, winking at her, “Counting on it!” you called back, handing your next customer her usual cappuccino.

That first day, you made Ellie watch for an hour. She would mainly be taking the orders for you, handling the payments and cleaning the small fold out tables outside. You made sure she flipped through the booklet to make the teas and other drinks, the easier stuff. When she could stand to stay in the truck for longer than an hour without getting a headache from the smell of coffee, then maybe, just maybe, she could help you clean the machine.

You had taken over the truck from your stepmom Jenny, the woman you called Mom a couple of years before that. The woman had had enough of the glamorous city and decided to leave for her hometown, longing for a quieter life. The two of you started the moving café after your father passed a few years back, moving from one spot to another, going wherever the customers might be. Your father had owned a chain of cafés and sold them all when he decided to retire. You respected his wish to sell, but part of the reason you decided to open a moving café with Jenny was to have a connection with him. You worked for him most of your life, and making coffee made you feel closer to him. Apparently, he gave you a hollow ball with coffee beans inside as a rattle. His nickname for you was coffee related. This was what you loved doing.

Jenny did invite you to move with her, maybe start a business with her there, but you were in love then. So you stayed. Of course, the man you were so besotted with, the one who begged you to stay in LA with him rather than move with the woman who raised you decided that an opportunity to be with his dream actress was too good to pass up. He broke up with you over voicemail when she approached him at a party, drunk off his ass, all excited that she would even look at him. Last you heard, he lost his job as the manager at one of your Dad's old cafes for missing too much work to be with her on set and had become her personal assistant instead.

You went about your life, driving your little café around before deciding you couldn’t be bothered to do that anymore, and paid for a spot at the rec centre food truck centre. On your very first day there, two girls came running to your truck, the older one, Sarah, ordering the biggest iced latte you could offer, the younger one, Ellie, an iced tea, nose all scrunched up from the smell of coffee, which she apparently hated. And now she’s decided she was going to work for you. Go figure.

You didn’t really know much about her per se. You knew that Sarah’s father had adopted her, that he was a contractor, that she spent her evenings after school volunteering at the rec centre, just as Sarah did, and that she was taking personal tutoring from one of the art professors who volunteered at the centre during the summer. She spent her evenings at your truck while waiting for her dad, whom she only ever referred to as the old man to pick her up, yammering in your ears as you cleaned for the day, often running off with a quick see you tomorrow Lil over her shoulder when he called to let her know he had arrived.

You loved her company. To be frank, after Dave dumped you, your life consisted of work and sleeping, having to wake up super early to get the truck ready for business. You even open on the weekends, only taking every other Sundays off to spend some time with your Uncle Bill, Jenny’s only brother. That was it. You open and close at six every day, clean up, wash your truck on your way home, have a quick dinner, do some chores, read, and sleep. You tried to watch some TV at one point after Dave left, but his girlfriend Cleo’s face graced the homepage of your Netflix account, so you cancelled your subscription. You stopped your social media involvement, with the exception of the Insta page for your truck. Everything else would put you at risk seeing your ex with his glamourous sweetheart.

Ellie provided you entertainment, so to speak. She told you about the books she read, the movies she watched, the classes she took, and you found her excitement infectious, even if you had read and watched the movies she was talking about. She had a hard life before, not having the opportunity to enjoy the books and movies most people have at home, so her excitement in learning all these new things was something to celebrate. She started complaining about wanting a car, that her old man had offered to buy her one. But she wanted to get one on her own, just like her big sister. You suggested she get a job, just like you did back when you wanted one for yourself. Yeah, she had groaned, her old man wouldn’t let her get one. But she was going to talk at him until he gave in.

And gave in he did, apparently.

She was a hard worker, very friendly with the customers, cleaning as she went. But at the end of the day, she was exhausted, telling you she was going to sleep well that night. She helped you clean up before running off to use the bathroom.

Her phone started buzzing. ‘Old Man’ blinking on the screen. It went dark. And then buzzed again. After a few missed calls, a tired looking man in flannels came storming around the corner, panic written all over his face, eyes searching for someone amongst the parked trucks and the buzz of the people cleaning the area before dialling and placing the phone on his ear. Ellie’s phone buzzed again. It went dark as soon as the man took his phone away from his ears, dialling one more time.

Okay, it’s possible this was Ellie’s old man.

You walked up to him, the man walking in circles frantically looking for someone. You tapped him on his shoulder.

“Excuse me, sir, are you…”

He turned to look at you, an exasperated look on his face, “Look, lady, I’m in the middle of something, I don’t have time to take pictures right now, okay?”

Huh?

He saw your confusion, took a deep breath, “I’m looking for someone, so no, now is not a good time for pictures, okay?”

You stood there, still confused. The fuck was he talking about? What pictures?

“What?” he barked at you, annoyed that you couldn’t understand a few simple sentences.

Okay, you’re angry now.

“Well?”

“I was just going to ask, sir, if you are looking for Ellie,” you spat out. Slowly. Deliberately.

His expression changed. His stance shifted, his body language got softer. “Uh, yeah.”

“She’s in the bathroom,” you snarked, going to your truck to get her backpack and phone, shoving them both into his chest.

He finally saw the name on the truck. Wheely Coffee. That name was on his cup this morning. He closed his eyes, regret clear across his features. “Look, I’m sor…”

You slammed the door of your truck in his face, the door actually hitting his shoulder so hard he staggered backwards. You got in the driver’s seat and drove off, leaving him standing in the street, Ellie running out to meet him, confused as to what had just happened.

He looked at her, snapped out of his shock, handing her the back pack and phone.

Ellie didn’t take them, her arms crossed on her chest, staring at him with laser eyes.

“What the fuck did you do, Joel? What the fuck did you say to my boss?”

Part 2

[fanfics4all]

Crimson Ties

Request: Yes / No Ok, this might be kinda weird but I was thinking about reader being being FP Jones's oldest daughter (she's around 25 to 26) being in the BAU and dating Spencer. They go to Riverdale for a case and Spencer originally didn't really think about meeting readers' parents at all. But when he gets there he has to work with the new sheriff... FP and is terrified the entire time. If not that's ok Anon

Don’t be shy, request things! <3 Have a nice day/night

Spencer Reid x Fem!Jones!Reader 

Word count: 1546

Warnings: Mentions of murder but nothing specific 

Y/N: Your Name 

Y/N/N: Your Nickname

A/N: I love this so much tbh, I really might do a part 2

PLEASE DO NOT STEAL MY WORK, I WORK HARD ON MY FICS AND IT’S NOT COOL TO STEAL SOMEONE ELSE’S WORK! 

If you want to be on the tag list for anything (My series fics, specific character fics, or just all of them) All you have to do is send me an ask and I will add you! 

Masterlist 

If you enjoy my work, you could also show support by buying me a coffee! 

(Not my photo, credit to whoever made it!)

Growing up in Riverdale, I learned early on that I had two choices, let my circumstances define me or fight my way out. I chose the latter. Being FP Jones’ daughter came with baggage. The Serpents, the drinking, the unstable home life- I knew I had to work twice as hard to build something better for myself. I threw myself into school, determined to prove that I was more than just the daughter of a gang leader. 

By the time I made it to the FBI Academy, I had already perfected the art of pushing through adversity. Long nights of studying and grueling physical training, but I never backed down. When I was recruited into the BAU at twenty-four, it felt like all of my sacrifices had finally been worth it. The BAU was everything I had worked for, but it was also more than I expected. The cases were brutal, the weight of each victim’s story pressing against my chest. But the team? They became my family. 

And then there was Spencer Reid. 

At first, he was just my colleague- the genius with an eidetic memory and an endearing ability to ramble about statistics and obscure literature. I had never met someone like him before. He saw the world in numbers and theories, but at the same time, he had this overwhelming kindness that made it impossible not to be drawn to him. 

We started as friends. Coffee breaks turned into late-night case discussions, which turned into inside jokes and shared book recommendations. I wasn’t sure when my feelings for him changed, but one day, I caught myself looking forward to seeing him more than anyone else. I started noticing the way his face lit up when he talked about something he loved, the way he would always make sure I ate during long cases, the way he never pried into my past but somehow understood me anyway. 

And then one night, after a particularly rough case, Spencer blurted out something about the statistical probability of workplace relationships working out. I remember raising an eyebrow at him, realizing what he was trying to say, and before he could spiral into another nervous rant, I kissed him. 

Now, two years into my career at the BAU, I had more than just a job I was proud of, I had him. Spencer, with his never-ending knowledge and his gentle heart, was the best thing I never saw coming. He’d read to me after long days, his voice a comforting lullaby in a world full of chaos. I taught him how to ride a motorcycle, laughing when he hesitated before finally getting the hang of it. I had spent my whole life trying to outrun Riverdale, but with Spencer, I finally understood- I didn’t have to run anymore.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was just about to head home for the night when my phone buzzed. The name on the screen made my stomach tighten- Daddy. 

Dad and I had come a long way from the messy, broken relationship we once had. After years of struggling with addiction and gang life, he’d finally turned things around, earning back Jughead and Jellybeans’ trust and even becoming sheriff of Riverdale. I was proud of him. But he rarely called unless it was serious 

I answered immediately. “Daddy? What’s wrong?”

His voice was gruff, but there was an unmistakable edge of worry beneath it. 

“Y/N/N, I need your help.” Those five words made my heart skip a beat. 

“What’s going on?” I asked, gripping the edge of my desk. 

He sighed. “We’ve got a situation here. A couple murders, four bodies so far, and all killed the same way. Small town like this? We ain’t equipped for somethin’ like this. I need the BAU, Y/N. And…” He hesitated, then added. “I need you.” 

I swallowed hard. I had spent years distancing myself from Riverdale, trying to build a new life away from the ghosts of my past. But no matter how far I went, it was still my hometown. My Dad was still my Dad, and my younger siblings- Juggie and JB- they were still there. If there was a killer on the loose, I needed to do something. 

“Email me everything you have.” I told him. “I’ll bring it up to my boss.” 

“Thank you, Princess.” Dad’s voice softened, a rare moment of vulnerability. 

“I know comin’ back won’t be easy, but… I trust you.” 

After we hung up, I took a deep breath and opened my laptop. A few minutes later, an email from Dad came through, containing crim scene photos, coroner reports, and his own notes. I scrolled through the images, my stomach twisting at the brutality. The unsub was organized and calculated. This wasn’t just random violence, this was methodical. I printed out the file and headed straight for Hotch’s office. Knocking twice, I stepped in. 

“Agent Jones.” He acknowledged, looking up from his paperwork. 

“Sir, I just got off the phone with my Dad, FP Jones, sheriff of Riverdale. They have an active serial murder case. Four victims, same MO. He’s requesting the BAU’s assistance.” I placed the file on his desk. 

Hotch opened it, flipping through the images with the sharp gaze of someone who had seen too many horrors. He didn’t speak for a moment, analyzing the details before finally looking up. 

“I’ll have Garcia pull everything she can. If what your Father says is accurate, we should be there as soon as possible.” He closed the file and handed it back to me. 

“Gather the team, please.” 

I nodded, turning to leave, but his voice stopped me. 

“Jones.” He said, his tone softer. “This is personal for you. If at any point you need to step back, let me know.” 

I met his gaze and gave a small, determined nod. “I appreciate it, sir. But I can handle it.” 

As I walked out, I quickly made my way through the bullpen. First stop, Morgan. 

“Hey, pretty girl.” He greeted me, leaning back in his chair. “What’s up?” 

“We’ve got a case.” 

His expression sobered immediately. “Where?” 

I hesitated for only a second before saying. “Riverdale.” 

His eyebrows shot up. “Your hometown?” 

I just nodded, already moving to find the others. Within minutes, I had gathered Emily, JJ, Rossi, and Spencer, quickly briefing them on what I knew. As expected, Spencer’s brow furrowed in concern when he realized where we were headed. 

“Y/N… are you sure you’re okay with this?” 

I took a deep breath and met his eyes. “I don’t really have a choice. My family is there.” 

That was all the explanation they needed. Hotch returned a moment later. 

“Garcia’s pulling everything now. Wheels up in thirty.” 

The jet hummed softly as we settled in for the flight to Riverdale. Spencer sat beside me, his knee bouncing slightly, a telltale sign of his nerves. I reached over, placing a hand over his, and he immediately stilled, though I could feel the tension in his fingers. 

“You okay?” I asked, tilting my head to meet his eyes. 

He exhaled sharply, rubbing the back of his neck. “I just… your father used to be a gang leader. And your brother is now the leader of that same gang. And your little sister grew up around all of that. There’s a statistical probability of-” 

I squeezed his hand. “Spence, they’re not gonna bite.” I smirked. “Okay, maybe Jughead will give you a hard time, but he’s all talk.” 

“Jughead?” JJ asked. 

“It’s a nickname.” I shrugged. 

Morgan, who had been listening in, chuckled. “Kid, you realize you’re about to meet a family that survived gang wars, corrupt mayors, and serial killers, right? You might be a genius, but I don’t know if that brain of yours is gonna save you from this one.” 

Emily smirked. “Y/N’s family is basically the Riverdale Mafia.” 

“Hey! We ain’t the Lodges!” I protested, but even JJ was laughing at this point. 

Rossi leaned back in his seat, a knowing smile on his face. “I give it ten minutes before your Father pulled him aside for a ‘friendly’ chat about how he’ll bury you in the woods if you hurt his daughter.” 

Spencer paled. “I-I would never hurt her.” 

“Good answer.” Emily teased. “But you might want to tell FP that before he comes after you with a shotgun.” 

I rolled my eyes. “You guys are the worst.” 

Morgan leaned forward, grinning at me. “I still can’t believe you were a biker babe in your teens. You, all studious and determined in the Academy, and meanwhile, you used to ride around town like some kind of rebel?” 

“I had layers.” I said dramatically, flipping my hair over my shoulder. 

“And for the record, I still have my bike.” 

Morgan let out a low whistle. “Damn, pretty girl. Now I really want to see the old you in action.” 

Spencer groaned softly, muttering something about how my family was definitely going to eat him alive. I just leaned in and kissed his cheek, whispering. 

“Relax. They’re gonna love you.” 

Even if he didn’t believe me yet, I knew the moment they saw how much he meant to me, my family would accept him... Well, after Dad gave him ‘the talk’. 

Tag list: @les-bio-lie @tashy-bear @ashwarren32 @hollie-blogs-blog1 @lover-of-books-and-tea @nerdygaloresposts @teenwolfbitches28 @kmc1989 @drw0301bieber @lady-of-lies @ravenmoore14 @ravenempress101 @cillianchamp @rowanthomasknapp @rachelxwayne @ready-4-fanfiction @madammarvellous-blog1 @pettyjayy @bruisedfists-and-splitlips @answer-the-sirens @andreasworlsboring101 @reidssmile @currentfangirl-futuremedexaminer @mggstyles @satans-0-spawn @emofairygay @thesoftestwarlock @liz-owl 

[loquarocoeur]

Loquarocoeur info:

Firstly: Obligatory mature content warning

Hi, my name is Alex

Alternatively I am also referred to as loquarocoeur, loq, loquacker, loquawhatever, or other varieties of my username, and when I deserve it I will also accept several insults

I do have other interests, but this is mostly an F1 blog

You probably know me from my Ao3 (Probably Yours Verse or Casual)

I think I'm mainly known as that insane Lestappen bottom Max/top Charles enthusiast, otherwise also a Landoscar enjoyer who lied about how much angst there would be in Casual (sorry again)

Lestappen complete masterlist here

Landoscar complete masterlist here

I am also a full time student with a busy life, so when the ask box is randomly off, I don't hate you, I'm just busy<3

I don't do much on here except answer asks, which sometimes turn into discussions, mainly yours verse

Other tags are not important, they're mainly for my personal organisation

FAQs under the cut:

FAQs:

What is that keyboard smash of a username?

My username is first and foremost stupid, secondly too old to change, and thirdly a silly mashup of the words loquacious (talkative) and coeur (heart in French)

Are you not answering my ask because I'm being annoying/rude/upsetting?

My ask box has occasionally gotten very busy, sometimes I miss asks, accidentally delete them, sometimes tumblr eats them, sometimes I forget about them until it's too late for it not to be weird, sometimes I'm just very busy or having another discussion and will get back to you. Occasionally I have a lot to yap about with you and need a while to gather my thoughts If you're being rude, hateful, or annoying I will absolutely also delete your asks, but this is very rare, don't worry about it I also might ignore asks about drama, I don't like arguing with anonymous askers about drama in the fandom, I value my peace and happiness and am not making internet enemies, so I prefer to rant about my opinions to my irl friends or my mutuals

Do you make banner posts or announcement posts when you post fics?

No, sorry, I'm lazy. Maybe I will do some arts and crafts if I write another long fic, but my home is ao3, tumblr is just where I yap, I'm not here to make work for myself I think you guys get ao3 emails if you subscribe to my account or a series? idk. Otherwise you'll hear about it in the asks probably

Do you accept requests?

No, but I'm always open to ideas, questions, and inspiration and I'll negotiate art for fic with mutuals if it comes up

[tojivu]

stopp i need more of gojo w six eyes omg 😭😭😭 that last one was so adorable

# SIX II ‣ GOJO SATORU

✰ — author’s note you ask and i deliver :3 please keep the asks flowin my 2 month break is soon!! i am fortunately very free.. also i think i might make one with husband satoru :7

✰ — cw / tags fiance!satoru , read part 1 first because it makes more sense , gn!reader , swearing , gojo being so pretty you’re literally in a daze LOL , not proofread , sfw as always

✰ — playing endlessly by alina baraz.

✰ — word count 1k

"they need to start a fucking cab service here."

GOJO SATORU, your now fiancé, has been whining for the past half an hour—and as his lover, it is your (unconsented) responsibility to hear all of it. the snowy haired man walking in front of you has his handheld fan out in a futile attempt to cool himself off, and of course it reaps no benefit: it's thirty three degrees, ninety one in fahrenheit. what would a measly fan be able to do?

that's precisely what you say to him, your mood was sour as well; having to listen to your querulous husband-to-be grumble about the weather and the walking distance was taking a toll on you.

"plus. . . who was the one who," you found that talking made you feel hotter, so you tried to refrain from long strings of words. "asked to eat at a restaurant. . ."

you huff. ". . .40 minutes away from the station. . ."

you two were sick of tokyo, and you suppose it's partially your fault as well: you've been pestering him for the past month to visit the countryside to get some fresh air. you thought it would be cooler here, seeing as to how rare cars and buses were to come by—ironically, a car or bus is exactly what you two need at this moment.

at least now, your pool of choices for honeymoon destinations are narrowed—the silver lining that was not so silver amidst the heat, and compared to the amount of walking you had to endure.

"we should've just went to switzerland."

it takes a long while before you two make any turn. the pavement is stretched long and far, and the only buildings you'd come across were tiny houses belonging to the countryfolk.

gojo is walking backwards, ranting to you about what could've been in the swiss alps: on and on about snowball fights with you and napping together on a couch in front of a cozy fire. all of his eyes are looking at you, a pitiful gaze in each pair.

yet, you're still here, in the blistering and merciless heat. there was nothing complaints would change, it’s not like you could teleport.

"well, just book a flight to switzerland yourself, then!" you hiss, looking away from gojo, who seemed so unappreciative of the quality time he’s spending with the alleged love of his life.

your scolding makes him laugh. a smug smile spreads across his face, because he was just kidding: he supposes it's not half bad because you're still here with him.

though, he still thinks it would be better by tenfold if the weather was just a little bit more compassionate.

you don’t realise gojo’s stopped walking and is standing in front of you, as you’re preoccupied with the sulky attitude; you bump into him, almost tripping and falling off the concrete pavement—not before he catches you with quick arms and undeniable strength.

you would’ve fallen face flat onto the road if not for your fiancé instinctively reaching for you, and he’s prepared for an earful when you realise what just happened.

“satoru,” you grit your teeth. he closes his eyes, all six of them, in preparation for the scolding he was going to receive from you. “do you not have anything in that dense skull of yours?“

his arms are firm around your waist and your hat is poking at his chest. you look up at him, realising his eyes are open now—blinking at you ever so slowly, as if asking for pity.

all six of his eyes blink in sync, and you spend a good ten seconds staring at his face. something about the way his eyes glistened in the harsh sunlight and the way his hair frames them perfectly, snowy white hair clashing with the blues of his irises—a trance was what he had you under.

“stop looking at me like that.”

“i thought you liked them.” gojo puts on a pout, and it’s too obvious that he’s fishing for your affection—he might as well just ask you to tell him what he wants to hear.

nevertheless, you spoil satoru; as you have always done and continue to do. you think he’s too used to your cooing and that somebody definitely needs to humble him, but you know that somebody wouldn’t be you.

“i love them, ‘toru.” you say, and his pout disappears as quickly as it came. “i love you.”

the whites of his teeth shine in the sunlight when he hears you say those precious words; it never fails to confuse you, how easy it is to please gojo—except that it isn’t, he was only easy when it came to you.

he takes off your hat and you scowl at the heat that your hat has been shielding you from. gojo presses a kiss onto your forehead, not pulling away even after seconds have passed.

“love you more.”

you scoff. “i’m not getting into that argument with you.”

he finally pulls away and his eyes blink at you again, with that same sulking expression. “so you don’t wanna say it back? do you not love me more, y/n?”, and there goes his comedically unconvincing pout.

you bite the inside of your cheek, attempting to put on the sternest look you can; but you take one more good look at him and it’s utterly useless.

people found it hard to get their ways with you. you were a stubborn person, naturally—standing your ground was something that came easy to you. you wonder why it’s different with satoru, though.

perhaps it was his face, his painstakingly handsome face—but you know it definitely had something to do with the way he looked at you, the way his eyes and gaze made you weak in the knees.

“i love you more.” you give in for the second time, and seeing the smirk on his face form makes you realise you’ve done it again: fallen right into his trap.

the pairs of eyes on his forehead and cheeks shut their eyelids. “no, think i love you more.” satoru declares before planting another kiss, this time on your right cheek. “i know i do.”

such a sly man, you think—you wouldn’t marry anyone else.

221023 — it’s 4am..

[marsdql]

𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗲: 𝗵𝗶𝗮𝘁𝘂𝘀 / 𝗾𝘂𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 (???) — MAIN PINNED

✾ ─── 𝘵𝘸. 𝘝𝘦𝘯𝘵, 𝘙𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘵

Hi everyoneeee I’m sorry in advance for all the typos in this messy lil rant … I’m not read proofing this lol

I don’t know what’s up with me but I suddenly got a huge chunk of guilt and shame thrown at me when I looked at my fanficion, more specifically my posts containing smut. — I’ve never been the one to be very religious and I have no idea where this came from??? So it was really random but it just gave me the urge to remove everything and start over.

At first I was telling myself that I’d remove the smut posts and I’d continue with fluff/angst fics but then remembered about the fact that people can still see my posts from the reblogs and that just rlly sank in and added more to my shame .. like .. it’s done I can’t remove it completely even if I wanted to . I feel like I’ve sinned and I’ll continue sinning each time someone comes across the posts

Now like I’m scared to stay on here because I’ll get reminded about the fanfics I made in the past each time someone likes it from a reblog and I just know I can’t handle remembering about it I just want to forget it completely

I don’t wanna take a break off of the app either because I know it wouldn’t change anything, id be stressed the entire time off the app and then when I’m come back, those posts are still there so like nothing rlly happend???

And I know this is my fault and this is js me dealing with the consequences of my actions and I’m not blaming or asking anyone to delete their reblog of my ffs I’m aware this is all a me problem concerning my life stuff wtv BUT IT STILL KILLS ME IDK I know I shouldn’t have done this but I Gen never felt such guilt after « sinning »?? It’s like I never really cared about this stuff and I don’t know where this came from but it’s gen ruining my mental health so bad to the point I feel disgusted even trying to write anything close to smut again . I feel unpure and dirty in a way I can’t explain it and the problem is I don’t feel this way when reading it, only when I make it and idk man 😭😭😭 recently I’ve been having so many things go wrong in my life and I feel like this just added on top of it even tho writing was what usually made me forever about my problems

At the same time, I know I’m really attached to this account and my followers. It’s my very first account where I started writing so it means a lot to me.:: I’ve been thinking about this for a while, but I just haven’t been able to bring myself to delete it EVEN THOUGH I’d probably flop without it since most of my followers are here for the smut more than the fluff or angst. I feel like removing the smut might kind of ruin the whole vibe of the account. I’m also too scared to leave tumblr forever or to remake an account and flop even worse or to not regain my current moots on it (I know I’m too scared to tell everyone « oh hi this is my new acc » blah blah) and I’m so embarrassed of this post so I’m not tagging anyone either

I have no idea what I’m talking about anymore. Sorry if this was so so messy. I’m too embarrassed to look over at whatever I just wrote and fix anything . All in all Im so confused on what to do and that’s leading me to possibly quitting my account for good even though I know that doesn’t change the fact my posts will still be available here (I js wanna forget abt it) . This is why all my posts have been removed and if I stay, i won’t be making smut anymore or even keep my reblogs available bcz I’m took scared of becoming bipolar about posting then wanting to delete and not being able to fully delete it from the app

[absolutebl]

To my noble ABL, 🙇

Since you brought up the subject yourself, and I couldn’t find the relevant info in your tags, I’d like to request your advice. You see, I’m on social welfare, love BLs/QLs/GLs as much as the next person but I don’t have an enormous budget. So getting a premium on all streaming services (Gaga, WeTv, iQIYI, Viu, etc.) is definitely out of my reach. But could you maybe briefly xplain what services there are, whether they’re free and (most importantly) which one is most worth a paid subscription?

Thank you so much in advance.

Yours truly,

— Thel. 💚

P.S. I promise I’ll like and reblog your advice once you’ve published it! 🙏

Okay so I did a deep dive statistical analysis a while ago (which streaming service is worth your money on strictly BL grounds) and that is here:

I go into who has what, how much, and quality of subs. I'll repost and tag you. I also go an a huge rant about rewarding content providers so there's that too.

Since then iQIYI has come up a lot in terms of squatting content, but I still feel like they are one of the worst user experiences (I mean I pay and they still serve ads? that's bull) and most dangerous in terms of data mining and parent company. So be on your guard with both them and WeTV. It's why I'm unsure about upgrading my WeTV.

Since you specifically requested low income advice here it is:

YouTube. It's free, a lot of the Thai stuff is there, or airs there first. My advice is SUBSCRIBE to the channels that host the content and then use your Subscribe tab as a feed. Also like and comment on the videos. You are getting this, essentially, for free (you will need to sit through ads) but please be generous and give back to the content creators/channels. Especially the small ones like Strongberry. The kindest thing you can do as a consumer is subscribe, like, comment. ALSO this will train the algos, so when new (smaller) channels come along with obscure BL the algos will know what you like and recommend it to you. (Even grey stuff, although that won't last on an upload for very long. So that's my other tip, watch ASAP.) If you need to create a second/dummy gmail/google account for this (anonymity), then do that. Just use a different browser for all your BL content. A VPN can help with this. For example a lot of the GMMTV shows that are now on iQIYI in the USA are on their YT channel in Europe (or Thailand of course), to you just need to set your VPN to a different location, and can watch them on YT.

Subscription services with free content options like Viki or WeTV. Last I checked quite a few of the older BLs on Viki were available without a PAID subscription (this might have changed) same with WeTV. You need to sit through ads, but there are some shows there.

Gagaoolala paid. If you are going to pay for any streaming service I always suggest this one. Not only are they the cheapest of the bunch (and there is only the one level of money which is something like $6.99 a month), they have a lot of older prestige and more obscure content and they are queer focused. This is a Taiwanese platform and I like and support everything about it. Which I don't say about many streaming services. If you have a fixed income and limited budget then being thoughtful with your money is often difficult, Gaga allows for both.

After that, the others are all pretty similar in terms of cost to content value. That blog post above does go into your grey and less savory options. Since I rarely consume free (savory or not) I can't really speak to the situation right now.

Time once was the only way to get things was grey or fansubbed and so then I felt better about doing it, but now almost every new piece (even from Japan) has some kind of distribution deal with some streaming platform.

You have another option which is to wait until most of the shows you want to watch have finished their runs and then subscribe for only a month or two, binge everything, and then unsubscribe.

Generally the slow season in BL is end of the year. So if you have some time in December -February, this would be the time of year to do that. (Most of the major shows are done and no new ones have started up.)

I hope this helps.

[feyrescourt]

This is a long and rambly discussion post for elriel nation btw so strap in

I want to preface this by kindly asking the elriel hive to not use any tags of #those ships if reblogged. I want to keep this in the elriel echo chamber. Please and thank u!

A huge part of fandom culture is to ship canonically compliant characters and crack ships. Everyone’s got them, and it’s totally normal, and it’s usually fun to engage with.

The majority of the time I have no issue with this (I am a wolfstar shipper and even though there is canonical evidence of them in the original HP books, they’re widely accepted online and balked at IRL usually due to homophobia and #that nasty, nasty woman’s bigotry), but over the last few years a certain group of crack shippers have taken it upon themselves to fly a little too close to the sun, and want to make it our (elriels) problem. I am talking about the Glees.

It’s late and this just popped into my head so I want to rant about it.

My friend who got me into ACOTAR gave me a breakdown of the ships (bc I read ToG first and went in blind. I became a doraelin shipper very early on and remained one halfway through QoS, it was a whole thing when I realized they were not end game lol), bc I asked her to after my ToG experience. She told me all the characters names and then told me about feysand and nessian endgames but didn’t mention az or elain’s situation. I asked her about it and she told me that she didn’t want to mention much about Az because “by the end of the series azriel has two options for how his story could go, elain or another way”. She shared some anti elain sentiment with me because she’s “boring and doesn’t do anything”. That went in one ear and out the other with me tbh.

When I started acowar, and feyre returned to the night court, I saw how elain and azriel were interacting and I concluded that mor was the second LI of az bc of acomaf. I was not apart of the fandom online at this point, so I was genuinely in the dark about everything around these two. I was just reading and talking to my friend about what I read. I also want to add that I still liked L*cien at this point in the series (it changed in acofas, I became apathetic towards him rather quickly when I finished reading that whiny ass convo with feyre…..I don’t play when it comes to her) but wasn’t sold on eluce because they had like one interaction and it wasn’t a great intro to a ship.

However this first meeting in acomaf….. :)

‘Can you truly fly?’ He set down his fork, blinking. I might have even called him self-conscious. He said, ‘Yes. Cassian and I hail from a race of faeries called Illyrians. We’re born hearing the song of the wind.’ ‘That’s very beautiful,’

“Rhys chuckled, Cassian’s wrath slipping enough that he grinned, and Elain, noticing Azriel’s ease as proof that things weren’t indeed about to go badly, offered one of her own as well.”

Well imagine my surprise when I finished acowar and it turns out mor (the person az has crushed on for 500 years) comes out to feyre before the book ends and she explains that she can never love az the way he loves her. After three books, and everything that happens in acowar it was clear to me that elain and azriel were being set up as each others love interests, despite the mating bond with l*cien.

After Acofas I was officially on the elriel train. I mean…

“Azriel strode to the lone window at the end of the room and peered into the garden below.”

“Azriel emerged from the sitting room, a glass of wine in hand and wings tucked back to reveal his fine, yet simple black jacket and pants. I felt, more than saw, my sister go still as he approached. Her throat bobbed.”

“But Azriel only took Elain’s heavy dish of potatoes from her hands, his voice soft as night as he said, ‘Sit. I’ll take care of it.’ Elain’s hands remained in midair, as if the ghost of the dish remained between them. With a blink, she lowered them, and noticed her apron. ‘I—I’ll be right back,’ she murmured, and hurried down the hall before I could explain that no one cared if she showed up to dinner covered in flour and that she should just sit.”

“Elain swept in, apron gone and hair rebraided. ‘Please don’t wait on my account,’ she said, taking the seat at the head of the table.”

“He [Azriel] was the portrait of relaxed, an arm braced against the carved mantel, his wings tucked in loosely, a faint grin on his face and a glass of wine in his hand. He slid his hazel eyes toward my sister without him moving an inch.”

“Azriel and Elain remained in the sitting room, my sister showing him the plans she’d sketched to expand the garden in the back of the town house, using the seeds and tools my family had given her tonight. Whether he cared about such things, I had no idea.”

(Damn the more I read elriel’s acofas moments the more I can’t help but conclude that they just hate/don’t understand introverts 😭)

Before I started SF, I decided to look at the online fandom and bitch……my jaw hit the floor with all the elain/elriel hate I saw on TT. And everyone was talking about a newer character in SF, and I was seeing the glee fan art and was like oh shit ok maybe elriel isn’t endgame.

Fast forward to SF……

‘What happened to Elain?’

“Nesta saw the blow land, like a physical impact, in Elain’s face, her posture. No one spoke, though shadows gathered in the corners of the room, like snakes preparing to strike. Elain’s eyes brightened with pain.”

……and I’m thinking ok, az obviously likes her. Then comes az’s BC. When I finished the elriel portion of the BC I was actually crying bc I was like oh fuck I really love these two….I knew it was over for me, and I was freaked out bc I thought I was going to get got with this “new ship” involving az. Plus I was thinking about elain being left alone in the dark without any explanation and feeling like an idiot for finally showing her true feelings towards him😭. It was like 3AM when I read it so I was hyper emotional lol. But then I read the rest of the BC and was still confused because I didn’t see any romantic subtext with g/wyn. I read it and saw a hurt male who couldn’t stand what he had done to elain the night before, was pissed at his brother for stopping it and making him feel bad when he was finally willing to voice what he’s been feeling for the past year or so and hating that he was shut down because we know he never voices his emotions, and couldn’t bear keeping a gift he picked out specifically for her. A necklace…..for solstice……Then I finished SF as a whole, and still, was confused as to why glee is a ship. Nearly all of their conversations were centered around training, and Sarah didn’t use any descriptors in their encounters that elude to any romance or mutual interest. (Btw I have a whole take on rhys’ part in that BC and I think a lot of ppl are dense and don’t understand what he was going through in that book but I can save that for another time)

Cassian and Feyre have more chemistry than those too lol.

I then talked to my friend about the these ships (elriel, eluce, and glee) ((i didn’t talk about eluce much in this post but that’s a lifeless ship too. I mean…..she can’t stand that red head anyway soooo)), and I said “I’m an elriel through and through. Idc that eluce are claimed to be mates you can tell she does not like him. also glee makes no sense to me.” Not verbatim but you get the point. My friend is very sensible so by the end of our convo, she told me that she’ll accept whatever way Sarah goes and that she’ll give elain a chance when her book comes out.

But isn’t that what all of this shit is about in the end: unjustified dislike/distain/hate for elain? That’s certainly how is appears to me. You cannot look me in the eyes and tell me that you love elain if you ship her with a male whom she has expressed, on multiple occasions, zero interest in AND becomes a shell of herself when he’s around because she just doesn’t want to interact with him. (I want to reiterate that I don’t hate L, I don’t think he’s awful or anything. elain just doesn’t want to know him. And that’s her right.) The glees don’t like her bc she doesn’t fit their stereotype for what they want in an FMC and therefore, for azriel. Which is why they have been chirping that the next book will be azriel’s. Not elain’s….WHAT??? You sound fucking crazy. The eluces (even though they claim they like her) dislike her so much that they go on and on about how she needs to grovel and apologize to the male they like because HE deserves to be happy……the same male who she associates with one of the most traumatic days of her life. Who also has not apologized to her for the part he played in that day, but I digress.

I say all that to point out that Glee specifically is in the crack ship category. No canonical evidence in the text can be used to claim they are ‘mates’ or endgame or anything more than acquaintances. And that’s fine, but don’t act as though they’re to be taken seriously as a canon ship when there’s no evidence to support it. Don’t boldly claim that azriel “has two love interests” when he literally doesn’t. He can’t sleep because of elain. He can’t stop thinking about her. He’s short with his family and others around him the days and weeks following solstice. His shadows threaten to strike nesta when she hurts elain and causes her pain. He doesn’t assign his spies to watch L*cien in acofas because he doesn’t want to know if he’s trying to court elain. He goes full lethal when he hears she may have been hurt. He follows the sound of her laugh to see what caused it. He goes on a suicide mission to save her. They communicate through looks alone when their family is around. Have you read an SJM book before? This is how she sets up her relationships. Like, holy fuck.

You cannot claim elriel is a crack ship because they have had background build up that both FMCs in their respective books have noticed and commented on. Cassian has noticed it too DESPITE not being hyper aware of what’s going on with az in SF. (referencing the scene in SF where elain tells everyone at family dinner about nesta’s love for dancing and the ball story from when they were human).

This ship war shit is fucking crazy because really this should only be between elriel nation and the eluces. Anyway, I’m over dealing with the fever dream brigade and their hallucinations. They’re going to come crashing down like Icarus when the elriel bible release day arrives and all our suffering will finally come to an end.

Then after that I’ll need to defeat the tamlin redemption arch threats, bc that is not a claim, that’s a fuckin threat and I won’t stand for it. But let’s tackle one problem at a time.

Pink: side notes/thoughts that give more context to my points

Blue italics: convos I’ve had being referenced

Purple: elriel moments <3

[midnight1nk]

cutely sits on your askbox. Not breaking anything this time! Anyways, seen your rb my silly hitshow poll (I'm in some way surprised and not surprised with the results so far, which is a good thing, I LOVE NUMBERS!!) but I'm here for something different. I don't remember how much you actually talked about them, but maybe that's just a headache talking (usually when it rains I get headaches and it is indeed raining right now) but I wonder how you exactly feel about them? And also what you voted for :3. I've already voted myself, and I'm actually an (obviously) before movie but also bc of potential- I think they have a lot so. Yeah, that's why I'm asking you cuz I see that you're actually extra based about redemption stuff too (thank you so much, my love and tears goes out to you it feels so nice to not be alone about it I'm not kidding) so that only makes me more interested!

At least I don't have to patch up another hole in the waiting room, hope you enjoyed the froggy chairs. come on in to my pillow fort!

Gotta love the poll, but no, I didn't get a chance to actually talk about hitshow (puzzles x wpnz) 🤔 I probably should lol

When the fanart first came (as in before the movie) into the smg4 tag, I saw it and I was like "huh, that's a fun idea ^^ also that's good art" (<- is this a sign of me being on the ace spectrum? idk you tell me) but it clicked for me in the next second, "hold up, this actually has potential? we might be cooking". That's why in the poll, I chose the fanart option bc I wouldn't have that realization otherwise:

Fanart was technically first, a few seconds faster than potential haha

And ofc the movie and the meme recreation of the official account happened.... istg are we still sharing a shared delusion? it still doesn't feel real lmao. Well, now that we have: full speed ahead, chat!

Fr tho, they do have potential. NOT that they will be canon or anything, we barely just got a scene with them. But definitely the type of ship where I'm like "I'm gonna need fics and fanart to fulfill my quota :)" (but if the team does make them canon, we could have the first villain pairing maybeeee? 👀) And since we are talking about them, I do have a rant, that may be a doozy one so bear with me:

(1) I've seen some people calling the "you look lonely" render as queerbait and that made me physically wince, so I thought I voice my thoughts to the people. This is NOT queerbaiting. This is the Team simply recreating a popular meme, in response to SO many fans connecting it to the scene in the movie. Think of queerbaiting as a carrot on the stick. It wouldn't be like the Team to make false promises just so they could have more viewers/targeting the LGBTQ+ audience, that's not them. Just another meme recreation for the silly meme show, like they've always done, for the shits and giggles. Besides, like I said, we only had a scene with them; we didn't even scratch the surface. (I'll get to the whole OG bladerunner meaning in a sec)

(2) I've also seen people wanting Karen to go back with WPNZ and accept him back into the family. Or that WPNZ/Puzzles don't deserve to have a redemption arc. I'm going to go back to my redemption talk again for this: redemption ≠ forgiveness ≠ remembering. As much as these correlate to each other, they're not the same.

First, redemption. It's not if a particular character deserves it or not; if they choose to change, that's their choice. The question is, are they willing to take the time and effort to change? If the answer is yes, then they could have a chance at redemption. If not, that's their choice. Again, there's a difference between "I have to change" and "I want to change", and it takes guts to do it. Not that it will be an easy battle, but whatever the motivation may be, it might be worth it in the end.

Now, do I think redemption is possible for WPNZ or Puzzles? I think it's possible. I think that deep down, they want things to change for the better, that they wish they weren't so alone. Unfortunately, a lot of things blinded them into doing the actions they've done, almost like they didn't know how to redeem themselves. Change is recognizing what is wrong or misguided by what's truly wanted, which ultimately ends up hurting oneself and others.

The people (or lack thereof) in their lives growing up didn't help, and being locked away in solitary confinement made things way worse. Hell, WPNZ actually wanted to change for the better, but with how he was growing up and whatever HItman Inc. implemented in him, it's not easy to "forget"/"undo" the mindset he's been living with his whole life. Born and forced to be a weapon, expendable by the corporation that took him "under their wing", needed to be strong and brave in a high-risk job, the only companion and relationship he ever had was his partner-in-crime. It's why he saw the kids as weapons, needing them to be strong in the mission/get impatient when they're joking around, and misinterprets Karen's hostility towards him as nostalgic thrill. This is basically all he knows, what was constantly told to him. And I don't think he realized how fucked up his life actually was or how much effort is truly needed to learn how to change.

Second, forgiveness. Unlike redemption where someone has a choice, forgiveness is earned by others. Even if a character chooses to redeem themselves, not every person affected by their past actions is going to forgive them. And that's normal, it's fine. When it comes to redemption, you are not supposed to expect something in return, the redemption is for you and you alone. Even if you change and say your sorry's, people don't owe you forgiveness. It's not bc it wasn't sincere or anything, but those past actions could affect differently from person to person, more than realized. We have to accept that regardless of the outcome. An apology is accepting oneself's actions are wrong, forgiveness is the other person letting go of what was hurt/affected. Which ties in with the third, remembering. Just bc you forgive someone, it doesn't mean it automatically makes you forget whatever happened between the two of you. You can see someone's redemption, apologize to you in the most sincere way possible, but you can't forgive them. Or maybe do forgive them, to give yourself peace of mind, but you can't forget how hurt you were by all of it. Some things, those that hurt, can only stay in the past. You can't be "unaffected" by it with a flick of a switch, trauma and injury. How do you want to move forward, that's a leap of faith. Cooling down the hate and grudges, or even letting go.

Redemption is a choice for the person who hurted, forgiveness is a choice for the people affected by said hurt. It's their choice, and they don't owe that to anyone else. With sincerity, honesty, and courage, it can be done if you want to move forward, even if some things will still be remembered. It's literally the conversation Karen and WPNZ had in the movie:

Karen: "Fancy words don't change what you did to me, what you did to my kids." WPNZ: "I know that doesn't change anything, doesn't make up for what I did. But I'm sorry, Karen." Karen: "You've grown alot for the better, but there are some things that just can't be forgiven."

Like I said, redemption was extremely close for WPNZ. The problem was that stopped him stemmed from the loneliness he had, it's why he tracked them down in the first place. He didn't go to them bc he saw how terrible being in Hitman Inc. actually was, but bc he missed the thrill of having Karen (or Katana) around. The missions weren't the same without her. When the kids were upset during the mission, he didn't take responsibility bc he didn't understand that these were kids scared for literally being thrown in a dangerous situation, but bc Karen sheltered them from their so-called roots that the kids need to train to be stronger. Pretty confident that he was recruited by Hitman Inc. at a young age, and he had to deal with what the kids did and be strong too. He didn't want to be alone but he couldn't identify what the true problem was, and therefore stuck with the mindset he had.

Same goes with Puzzles. Truly, the only thing he had in his life growing up was a TV. He didn't have friends. His dad was a narcissistic, neglectful asshole. His mom is implied(???) to be abusive to him, otherwise she's out of the picture completely. He literally locked himself in his room and didn't come out for years. When Puzzles eventually did come out of her room, she went on to cut her head off. You'd think that a parent would be worried for their child and rip the door off its hinges just to know if they're ok from the start. But no, it didn't happen. And the mindset she has, Puzzles thinks that by achieving her dreams to absolute perfection would make her happy, that being popular would "help" her loneliness, that she can prove that her whether-or-not-living father that she proved him wrong. It's why he made Puzzlevision or Puzzle Park.

And for the first time in her life, when someone did care, she got very attached to Leggy, upset when the Crew "took" Leggy away, so much so that he made Leggy 2.0.

WPNZ and Puzzles did the things they did because they were alone. Bc of the mindset constantly being reminded to them, they're blinded to the actual true problem. Believing that some things, like revenge and pushing boundaries, could potentially "solve" mistakes. Shifting blame without acknowledging any fault they've done themselves. Even after their defeat, they simply can't let go of the past, WPNZ with the kids and Puzzles with Leggy. They believed they moved on, and though it's true in some parts, they're still stuck in the past. All dealt with in an unhealthy way.

And now with each other. Realistically, they won't know much of each other's past but slowly, some things may start to come up and eventually, they believe that they're probably the only ones who understand each other. Not that it would be true, but it's likely what they're going to believe, again in a very unhealthy way. A level of understanding that they only know.

This is where the OG bladerunner scene comes in (see? I told you it would)! Based on what I know, and hopefully I got some points right, is that the announcement for the holographic companion (Joi) is persuading the protagonist (K) by forming itself to look like K's ex from a previous romantic relationship. The fact that Cube tweeted this meme in the middle of the hitman arc without context, the movie literally having an eerily similar scene, and then the Team ACTUALLY recreating the meme into a render, this was intentional. Fr explain to me why did the Team chose to use that (bisexual) lighting when they could've chosen any other colors? Why did they decide to recreate the meme at all?

The details they chose are intentional but not in the way most think (hitshow). With the original context in mind, the reality is that WPNZ is being persuaded with the ideal life, one where WPNZ could be with his kids and ex-wife. That his problems could be "fixed" with what's essentially a toxic option. After all, he was left broken and betrayed in the streets, still stuck in his mindset. Karen literally destroyed him limb to limb. Hitman Inc.? WPNZ was an expendable asset, they don't give a shit about him.

And yet, it seemed like someone did. She was there. Perhaps he can be fixed up again, everything could be fixed. The life just as he wants it to be, if he takes her deal. But like the bladerunner scene, it's not real. What they thought would truly make them happy, it's not what they really want. And even then, what else can they do when they only have each other? If what was done to them is done? If they believe there's no choice otherwise?

There's no such thing as "fixing", but healing. That's what they don't see.

That's the potential I basically see. Oh, it's going to be toxic as hell, no doubt about it, but it sure will be an interesting dynamic to see in the show! It's just so fascinating to me, and it doesn't necessarily mean it's meant to be viewed as romantic.

I might be hearing an angry mob with pitchforks coming my way for what I said, but do ask yourselves: is there a chance, no matter how small, for WPNZ and/or Puzzles to have a redemption arc? Not what the Team plans, not what other people think. Not if they deserve it, bc it wouldn't be classified as redemption.

Is there a chance at redemption?

Probability-wise, yes. There is a chance. They would just have to recognize their own faults, that their childhoods were fucked-up, and that the mindset constantly reminded them isn't right or healthy for them. Once again, redemption is their choice. If they let themselves see past the fog, there's a way. Forgiveness (and remembering) are other things that most people usually get stuck on and possibly confuse it with redemption. If WPNZ redeems himself in the future, it's Karen's choice to forgive him. If Meggy or even 4 chooses to forgive Puzzles after a redemption, that's their choice. Not everyone's willing to forgive, and that's fine. It's real. At the end of the day, it's their choice that they have to come to their own terms. Not even the audience could force them to make a decision. Like Karen said, some things aren't unforgivable. Some things we can't forget. We ourselves have made thousands of mistakes, probably done things that unintentionally hurt others. You've done them, I have too. We are human, they are too. All of them.

It doesn't necessarily mean they're justifiable, but understandable. That's why 3's redemption is also so fascinating to me. He's done terrible things for an understandable motive, and he chooses to change for himself, not for anyone else. From greedy desires to acts of selflessness, though he doesn't outright admit it, he does care. I've already praised the Team SO many times about design details, but the progression of 3's model from blue to purple to represent his change to be his own person, it's absolutely brilliant.

The only difference is that while the Crew has each other for support, WPNZ and Puzzles don't. We know why that is, we're shown why that is. But they could, if they let themselves. Not that they have to join the Crew, they can go on with a better way of life. There's simply a chance to change, it just takes time and effort to find it.

.......I do hope it didn't sound like me going around in circles. I just think a WPNZ and Puzzles team-up would be cool to see. I know hitshow's not gonna be canon (it's not, guys, I'm pretty sure) but like. that's the whole point of shipping? As long as there's no harm, it's fine. welp, fuck it, I'm calling hitshow toxic yuri now.

...but WPNZ isn't.....?

WPNZ can be fem now, or I can label WPNZ as honorary lesbian. People are already coming for my head for the whole redemption thing, so I might as well pick my poison. You can always call it toxic love for gender neutral anyway. I ain't going to change to say "they don't deserve redemption" or something like that, I'll die on this hill.

Some people change, good for them. And some don't, and that's okay too! But don't deny that chance!

Plus, I do wanna see fics and fanart of them acting like a bickering old married couple. And maybe they kiss as a treat. Anyway, friend, you already said so much about WPNZ/Puzzles/hitshow, and I love reading your posts, but I did wanna to say a few things not only about what I see in hitshow but to also support you! "extra based", I'm pretty sure I'm not but thanks anyway, that's really touching to know that you feel heard. Here, bud, have some hugs 🫂💙 /very pos /gen

And to everyone else, stories are grounded in reality. While it's a "silly meme show", the Team does take some real issues into the show. Not ALL but some, and I appreciate that. I just hope yall could understand things aren't always black and white, or an easy path. There can be a change.

Ultimately, the choice is yours.

thanks for the ask!

[depressopax]

Dale Cooper SFW headcanons

Fandom: Twin Peaks

Pairing: Dale Cooper x gender neutral reader Genre: Fluff, headcanons Warning(s): Cuss words, dirty jokes Words: 900 Summary: Being in a relationship with Dale Cooper would include…  English is not my main language, if I make any spelling mistakes please let me know so I can improve my writing! <3 Avaliable on AO3

This man… He has so much love to give you, and won’t hesitate to do so.

He sees you as a treasure and knows how to treat you like one.

His job means long days and much time apart from you. To not speak of the dangers that come with being a special agent.

He tries making up for this, though.

At work, he’s serious and focused on his tasks

At home, all his attention is on you.

ALL OF IT.

He spends his free days off work with you, either at home or going outdoors. As long as you’re together, he doesn’t care. 

He might come across as “clingy”, but he just wants your love and company.

His career means late night, so he either comes home to find you already sleeping, or sitting up on the couch watching tv. Either way, he always greets you with the biggest smile.

You try visiting him at the police station, too. Going to him for lunch, surprise visits etc… 

If he has the opportunity, he does the same for you when/if you work.

Dale is not a good chef, but he enjoys cooking for you.

Especially in the mornings.

He often ends up burning the food without realizing it

But he looks so happy when he tells you that he has cooked, and you can’t bring yourself to tell him that he accidentally burned it

He looks so smug whenever you eat his food and tell him you like it

He might be a night owl, but still gets up early in the morning. How he does so is a damn mystery.

Maybe it’s the fact he usually has weird dreams at night that makes him wake up early?

Or is he just always energetic? 

He wakes you up with kisses and the first thing you smell is coffee. 

This man is absolutely head over heels in love with you

He appreciates small gestures from you, he’s not the guy to like big romantic gestures. Like seriously, just make a cup of coffee for this man and he will swoon for you.

Dale’s love language being touch and quality time 

He likes making coffee for you, it’s his ultimate way of saying “I love you” lol

Speaking of saying “Ily”, he was definitely the one to say it first. 

You’d only been dating for a month or less when he realised how much you mean to him, and that he had fallen for you.

He feels very comfortable around you and appreciates the feeling of you jot judging him

That’s why he likes sharing his weird theories with you and rant about different cases he’s working on, wanting your take on it

Whilst other people laugh at his passion for the paranormal, you are supportive, and find it interesting too.

Which makes him very happy, since he finally can share his thoughts without getting judged <3

He also tells you about the weird dreams he has

At first, you were very concerned when Dale started ranting about his dreams of weird creatures and creepy places

…But you grew to like it. Once getting used to his weird dreams, you’re always intrigued to hear another story

If you don’t believe in paranormal stuff/you’re not spiritual - you definitely change your opinions later. He has a way of talking about it that just fascinates you to the point you also believe it.

Which only makes him love you more, if possible.

You and Dale are a pretty calm couple, but your shared love for creepy shit probably leads to Dale taking you on your own little investigations/missions

He wouldn't let you tag along to a real mission, but suggests going to abandoned places for sightseeing.

And who are you to say no to that?

Somehow, it’s almost cozy to walks hand in hand in the creepiest of places, while discussing theories and scaring each other with stories

You also make it a challenge sometimes - who gets scared first?

Spoiler alert! It’s you.

Dale is a special agent, and works with cases like this, after all. 

He’s pretty competitive, believe it or not

Sometimes, he even makes sure to make you frightened 

He likes comforting you and feeling like “the knight on a white horse”

A bit rude, I know, but he can’t help it!

“Fuck sake Dale! You did that on purpose!”“I would never!”“...”“Ok, maybe I did intend to scare you.”“I hate you”“I know you don’t… Don’t be mad at me, my love!”

Don’t worry, he does make it up to you in one way or another ;)

His ideal date would be coffee dates (what a surpriseeee) 

On your first date he took you to Double R Diners, so he could show you how amazing coffee and cherry pies they have.

He also likes taking you out on picnics, sightseeings and being outdoors with you.

But if you prefer calm dates, he doesn’t mind taking you to the cinema, or even just stay at home to watch movies and eating takeaway food

He doesn’t mind PDA - he holds your hand in public, kisses your forehead, wants you close etc…

But he prefers to kiss you when he’s alone with you

If you were to kiss him around people he’d turn into a blushing mess lmao

Dale is the boyfriend who likes staying up with you - having deep late night conversations

The two of you are pretty cheesy - slow dancing under the night sky, stargazing… You name it

Being in a relationship with Dale brings you the passion, love, adventures and amount of weirdness that you need in your life - His goal is to be the best boyfriend ever <3

[strangerthingsfanworkrecs]

Can I recommend somnambulic-thing? They write fics, do art and edits, and even work on creating events for the fandom. They run the Stranger Things x OC blog and community to try and help OC writers find a home, and it's really helped me feel more confident in my storytelling knowing that I'm not alone in writing an OC.

Artist Highlight: Somnambulic-thing

This week, we're highlighting @somnambulic-thing! All recs tagged #somnambulic-thing will be for their work, both fic and arts.

They answered some questions about their running their OC blog and works under the cut!

Why stranger things?

I have been obsessed with Stephen King’s work since I was around 18 and when in 2016 a good friend told me there was currently a show that was like a smoothie of different King novels, and a tasty one at that, I had to check it out and I was hooked immediately. (I have this little headcanon that the ST world is part of the Stephen King multiverse, which every King book is part of, but I digress.) But it wasn’t until after season four that I started seeking out ST fandom spaces, eventually letting the ideas out of my head by creating my own fanworks, too.

Is there a character or aspect of the show that you like to create for?

My puppet of choice is that Munson boy. The moment he got onto that table, I knew that this little shit head would be very special to me and it turned out that everything about his story and how it weaves into the overall story was deeply personal to me on many, many levels.

What made you decide to mod for the stranger things x oc blog / community?

I love OC’s. My first project was an Eddie x OC story but when I first joined the fandom, it was hard to find people who were really interested in that and so I tried out the x reader thing and stuck with it exclusively for quite some time and while it brought me a lot of joy (still does) something was missing for me. Eventually I always come back to story ideas that demand OC’s, or the other way around. Over time, I met more and more people who’d made the same or similar experiences and got the feeling that there is a small but considerable community of OC people out there that just had a hard time finding each other. So I made a poll and the turnout was so positive that I got the idea to set up a community to change that.

Do you have any tips for people who might want to mod their own blogs and events?

- brainstorm your idea with friends and/or mutuals for a while, really talk through all kinds of possibilities and aspects of it before you set up anything (like: workload, set up, resources, rules and guidelines, and if you are willing and able to enforce them, and potentially alienate people in the process and so on) - be ready to learn and adjust your project while you go  - feedback is your friend - find a support system and/or team - be open minded: there will always be fanworks that don’t vibe with your personal taste  - prepare to be disappointed (this might sound a little demotivating first but bare with me) Projects like that tend to be very personal to us who come up with them and often are fueled by enthusiasm, excitement and a specific vision, but there will always be aspects of creating a group-focused project that will frustrate you to some degree. Maybe the participation is low, or the way people interact with your project is not what you had expected, and so on. Don’t take those things personally (rant to your friends in private to get it out of your system if you have to) and focus on the aspects of your project that make it worth it.

 What's your typical writing process?

That depends fully on how the idea presents itself to me. If it’s dialogue, I just write that down with some basic action tags and then try to find the rest of the story by doing a rough outline. If it’s a vibe or an image then I just start typing what I see in my head. If it’s a more complex concept, it’s a bit of everything. I like to show parts to friends while I write, mostly because it’s fun and fuels the process but also to make sure it works outside of my head. Also, when I am stuck I like to go through my vault of unfinished or abandoned drafts to see if something sparks an idea or even fits with what I am currently writing. That works incredibly well for me.

What's a typical photo editing process?

I only work with free to use stock photos and faces from the show or ST promo material. When I’ve found a base for an edit, I try to find a head/expression that is a good fit for the body. By now I have a pretty big library of screenshots, but I still go back to take new ones to fit my vision every now and then. That can take some time and also some trial and error. It happens frequently that I change out the head mid editing process. There is a certain amount that you can morph the body of the model to make the head fit and I often draw in or patchwork together parts that are missing or have the wrong angle. (It’s mostly necks, hair and parts of clothing.) Once the head roughly fits the body, it’s a back and forth between things, depending on the image: adjusting the background: (erasing things or adding them by drawing things in or using cut outs from other images), adjusting and correcting colors (like changing the colors of clothes and objects, matching the skin tones of head and body) and adding little details like patches, or a cat or posters. And then it’s a lot of blending before I match the overall quality (adding all the shadows and light, matching focus and grain). I also show the wip to friends in between to catch any too big heads or broken neck situations.

 Is there a fandom interaction like a comment or rec of your work, that really stood out to you?

Many. From fanart to really long comments picking out their favourite parts and dissecting them, there are a lot I remember specifically and come back to again and again. There is one particular reblog of my story smoke and cherry pop rocks that had such an impact on me at the time. I was going through a difficult time in the offline world and that comment fed and motivated me for weeks. I was still very new to the fandom and I hadn’t expected anybody to be that moved by my writing and pour their soul out to me like that; it felt like I had made a real impact.

What was your favorite project so far?

In early 2024 @bettyfrommars @allthingsjoeq and I curated a Twilight Zone themed prompt list that inspired lots of great stories and introduced me to one of my closest fandom friends. The list is open-ended, in case anybody feels inspired. My favourite project of mine… I have a hard time choosing between my stories. I never shared any of that online but I did fanbinding projects of some of my friends’ works that are very close to my heart. I love tactile things.

What was your hardest project so far?

Probably every multichapter fic I attempted so far. Sticking consistently with one story is incredibly difficult for me. If I had to choose one, it would be Watershed Moments because it’s not only a multichapter fic that deals with very personal topics and themes, but also the structure I choose to tell this story in makes it pretty difficult to construct. That’s why there’s only one chapter out so far. haha.

Is there anything we didn't ask that you'd like to add?

This is an amazing project and I want to give my kudos and love to you for bringing it to life. <3 And also say thank you to all the weird and lovely people who keep coming back to my corner of tumblr.

[3pirouette]

Fic: Tender Payment for Our Sins (15/?)

Tender Payment for Our Sins

By: TriplePirouette/3Pirouette

Spoilers: TLOU season 1.

Disclaimer: They're not mine.

Distribution: AO3 Anyone else please ask first :)

Story Summary: Jackson is less idyllic than it seems, as is everything post-infection. He doesn't want to see you tossed out, and can’t take the way you flinch when the men come sniffing around, so he does the only thing he and Ellie can think of to keep you around.

Dead Dove: Do Not Eat.

Tender Payment For our Sins has significant Trigger and Content Warnings. Please see Chapter 1 for Full list of Trigger Warnings and Tags.

Full Story on AO3

Most recent CHAPTER on AO3

Chapter 15: Settling In

Summary: The honeymoon is over, and life goes back to what passes for normal in Jackson.

A/N: Here’s the start of Part 2 of this little saga, what I’ve dubbed unofficially “Falling in Love.” I’m so happy that you’re still here with me after the end of Part 1. I am truly, truly so thankful to all of you for the amazing reviews and for letting me rant about my opinions on a cure in the replies. You’re all amazing.

I think I’m one of the few who is not a huge fan of Tess. I never really understood the dynamics of her relationship with Joel, and that’s discussed here a bit. I try to make sense of it respectfully based on all the info I have of their dynamic. Apologies if you ARE a fan of Tess- she’s only brought up 2-3 times in this whole story, and never with malice, so please don’t let that turn you off.

I know little about tools. I know even less about mucking stalls. I do know a little physics and body mechanics, so….

Trigger Warnings: No new/significant trigger warnings for this chapter.

~*~

Things change once you’re back in the rotation. Mornings are filled with purpose and routine, getting out of bed to the wail of an alarm and dancing around one another to dress for the day before walking to the dining hall and eating quietly. 

You part ways for the day, and your evenings are filled with stories about the mediocrity of patrol and the repetitiveness of cleaning manure and maintaining the compost and whatever Ellie is learning in school. 

Days turn into another week gone by, time marked by the regularity of the meals and the day to day needs to keep Jackson running. You start to feel less self-conscious about coming back at the end of the day smelling like shit, and start to think of the house as home soon enough. It’s a transition that feels so much easier than you ever anticipated once long, hard days of work are involved. There’s more to hide in: more stories about your day and general discussion to be had, less focus on adapting and fitting in and emotions.

You touch less, but there’s still an ease to it when he takes your hand, or sets his palm on your back as your walking. It’s comforting. It’s slowly becoming familiar.

And at night, tucked into his side, you can close your eyes and pretend it’s all real. 

~*~

It’s easier than he thought, falling back into a relationship. 

That’s what this is, after all: a relationship. 

It damn well better be, considering you married him. 

Jackson’s relative safety, relative quiet, makes it easier for him. He isn’t scraping by in a QZ, worried about getting ration cards and wondering if there will be enough rations available for those cards to even matter. He thinks about Tess sometimes, and what it might have been like if she made it to Jackson. 

She always cared more about him than he did her, even if she was his closest friend, even if he felt something close enough to love that he pretended. Maybe it wasn’t fair, but it had been all they’d had there. A little comfort went a long way in a QZ. 

Their relationship had been complicated: part need, part convenience, part genuine affection. He in turn played guard dog and enforcer, lover and follower. She’d known his history and hadn’t cared. She’d watched him kill men and hadn’t batted an eyelash. There was a necessity to their relationship that suited him, a familiarity that calmed him. 

But had he met Tess before, when the world was running just fine and cordyceps was only known to mycologists, Joel wouldn’t have looked at her twice. 

She wouldn’t have been with him, either. She’d told him as much once night, drunk and half high, musing on what she’d be doing if the world hadn’t gone to shit. She kept him around as much as he kept her, they used one another and it suited them both just fine to at least feel trust. She cared for him, even loved him in her own way, but she told him he was never the kind of man she ever saw herself with. He stopped trying to force himself to love her after that, and decided instead to be happy enough with what little comfort he had. 

He wondered if she would have loved him enough in a place like this. He afforded Tess a certain amount of protection in Boston, even if she was more than good enough at taking care of herself. She would have been afforded more independence here. Choices. Then again, that was always something he’d assumed. After seeing what Jackson did to you, maybe Tess would have stuck with him, if only to avoid having to couple up with someone else. 

He feels guilty, sometimes, when he thinks that he’s glad she never made it out here because then he might have missed you. 

You might have been forced to marry Robbie, or tossed outside the gates. 

He wouldn’t see your smile in the mornings, or hear your light snores in the middle of the night. 

Tess touched him, but never like you do. 

With Tess it had always been driven by need or desperation, grief or manic energy. Sex was a tool, and touch always was about something one of them needed.

He wants to touch you just for the sake of touching you. You touch him like it’s a gift with gentle hands and easy intimacy that makes him feel fucking young again. He didn’t realize how much he missed something so simple like holding hands with another human. He would have labeled it juvenile, unnecessary only a few years ago. A few weeks ago, even. 

You didn’t fucking hold hands in a QZ. It showed attachments. It showed weakness. He and Tess had been a couple to others because they told people, because they’d let it be known, not because they were ever affectionate with one another or fucking held hands in public. 

The way your fingers fit in between his, the way he can tell the difference between your gentle squeezes that are reassuring and the tight ones that are anxious makes him feel closer to you, more connected. 

The way you run your fingers through his hair…his heart quickens just at the thought. 

It is addictive, all of it. 

He hadn’t realized how much he missed these things until he had them again. 

He feels like he finally realized he was drowning and you are his air. He feels like he can never get enough of you. 

He hopes you feel the same, he really does, but he isn’t sure, and that’s what worries him. 

You like his touch. He is the only person, aside from Ellie, he ever sees you touch, and that bolsters him. He knows you like losing yourself in his embrace, that you like pillowing your head on his shoulder at night and tucking yourself under his chin when he hugs you. 

Sometimes, when you reach for him, he thinks you are as starved for touch as he is. 

But he still sees your hesitancy, still sees the nervousness in your eyes sometimes. He remembers your fear that night at the Bison, and he never wants to see that directed at him. He never wants you to feel afraid of him or unsafe with him. He will spend the rest of his life making sure you’re not afraid of him if that’s what it takes. He never wants to see the fear that he saw of Robbie directed at him, ever. 

He’s going to build you a home, with his own two hands and one bedside table at a time if he has to, so you can relax in this world just a little, so you can breathe easy and thrive. 

He wants to give you that.

He wants to give you everything. 

He can’t remember ever feeling like this before, even before the pandemic, and he couldn’t have ever predicted he’d have gotten anything more than a casual friend and a housemate out of this situation. 

But now? You?

You’re his wife, and day by day, minute by minute, he’s slowly falling more in love with you. 

~*~

You are exhausted.

Hay is heavy. Wheelbarrows are heavy. Horse shit and pig shit and goat shit are heavy and they stink and every muscle in your body just wants to melt off of you right now.

You don’t make it to the stairs, you can’t even contemplate trying to go up them right now. Instead, you collapse on the couch, stretching your stocking feet out in front of you and laying your head back on the top edge of the cushion. Sleeping mostly through the night now was revolutionary, but it didn’t make the work any easier, didn’t make it any less than sweltering in the barn when the wind didn’t blow from the right direction, didn’t change the fact that you were not built for farm maintenance in any sense of the word and all you wanted right now was an ice cold glass of water and an air conditioner or a fan blowing right on you and you were likely to get neither of those things.

The front door lock clicks as it opens, you only spare opening one eye to watch Joel make his way inside, opening both eyes and making a poor attempt to sit up.

He shakes his head at you and you slump back to where you were. “That is exactly how I feel,” he mutters, toeing off his boots and slowly making his way down next to you.

You breathe in concert with one another for a few long, quiet seconds, taking in the calmness that washes over you from just being next to him. No conversations needed, no placations, just being.

“You alright?” you finally ask, turning your head towards him. “You seem…stiff.” You wince at your word choice, but there’s nothing else to pick for the way her shuffled in, for how he took small steps and toed his boots off without leaning down.

“Sorry to say, darlin’, I’m old. Back’s acting up.” He keeps his own eyes closed, head on the back of the couch as he reaches his hand to his side, gently massaging into the muscles there. “Being on the horse for hours on end don’t help, either. Just a little tight, I should be fine by morning.”

You hum and loll your head back, closing your eyes again. You hear him shift, and think you can feel his eyes on you, but you don’t look.

His voice is warm and calm and actually interested when he speaks again, and you can tell he’s looking right at you for how it sounds. “How was the barn?”

“Same as always,” you reply gently. “Shoulda never stopped working. It’s hard to get back into it.”

He hums back, and you feel him shift next to you, settling deeper into the couch. “Never gets easier.”

You sense the opportunity, in the silence, and ask. “Where would you go, if you could go on a real vacation right now?”

He turns his head and smiles lazily at you. “A vacation?”

You nod, opening one eye to peak at him. “Um hum.”

He shakes his head and looks up at the ceiling. “Used to always want to come some place like here. Some place as far away from the Texas heat as I could get. Thought it might be fun learning how to ski.” He pauses and looks back over at you, serious. “Turns out, I hate the fuckin’ snow.”

You bark out a laugh, shaking your head and sitting up a little taller. “No skiing, then.”

“No skiing.” He sniffs and crosses his arms, thinking. “Haven’t even contemplated what it might be like to take a vacation in… years at least.” He looks back over, gently nudging your elbow. “Where would you go?”

“I’d want to see the ocean again,” you start, taking a slow, deep breath. “I used to love going to the beach, smelling the salt air, walking along where the water would just meet the sand…” When you turn your head he’s watching you, eyes warm and open and full of wonder. It makes you feel like you’re being almost too open, but you suppose since he’s your husband, he ought to know things about you.

Serious things, like your trauma, and silly things, like where you want to vacation, are things he should know about you.

“There’s a, uh, a lake, not too far from here, on the south route,” he starts, shifting his body with only a little wince. “Not exactly the ocean, but big enough that there’s a little bit of sand.”

You’re not sure if he’s implying he’d take you there, but the idea of leaving Jackson still stirs things in you that you’d rather not think about. “Not the ocean,” you deflect with a shrug and a yawn.

He shakes his head, smiling over at you, like he understands all the things you didn’t say. “Not the ocean.” He reaches out his hand, letting it sit between you, and you make a show of the effort it takes to lift your arm, threading your fingers in his. “You sleep ok last night?”

“Um hum,” you affirm, shimmying closer to him. “Just a long day.”

He reaches over and tucks a stray hair behind your ear before coaxing your head to his shoulder. “We have time before dinner.” His own yawn fills the room, louder than yours even though he tries to hide it behind his hand. “Tell me about the ocean.”

You get two sentences in before his heavy breathing tells you he’s asleep next to you, and it’s only another few breaths before you follow him.

~*~

Joel can’t reconcile dating post apocalypse. It’s not something he’s had to do before. 

That’s what this is, after all: dating. You may be married, you may go to sleep and wake up entwined together every morning, but you’re still barely friends. 

He understood how to ask someone on a date before cordyceps: how to call and drop by and meet up at a bar, how to take someone out to a nice dinner and bring her flowers and how to build something between two people. Not that he’d done it much, not with Sarah around, but he at least understood how to do it. 

Dating post-cordyceps wasn’t dating: it was desperation. It was connection. It was sex. It was feeling something other than numb. 

It was everything this town was making it: transactional. 

Except, that isn’t what he wants with you. He wants to take you out, but there is nowhere to go here except the Tipsy Bison and there is no fucking way he was taking you in there ever again. There are only so many times he can take you for walks in the little garden. 

He feels like a caveman, dropping little gifts at your feet, hoping you’ll find him worthy of bestowing your love, your real love, on him. He doesn’t want you to just be with him because it is convenient, because he is the lesser of two evils. He wants you to be with him because you want to be with him. He’s already given you most of what he can: his protection. 

He wants your love, and he wants you to want his. It’s so hard to imagine a way to romance you in this world that tires you both out day after day with heavy labor. 

That is the one good thing, though. Every afternoon there’s a chance to sit with you on the couch, to let your bodies sink into the cushions and slowly but surely get to know one another with little nuggets of knowledge before one or both of you inevitably falls asleep. He finds he’s disappointed the days he comes home and you’re hanging laundry on the line on the back porch or when you’re scrubbing your boots out in the grass because he feels like he doesn’t want to intrude.

It's so hard to give you space, to know when you need space, when you’ve both been forced together like this. He tries to do it when he thinks you want it, but he’s never really sure.

He’s not sure how to do this at all, how to show you with anything other than little actions, little gifts, with his time, that this isn’t transactional for him. It’s backwards, this romance that’s he’s unsure of how to start, how to fix: how does he make his wife, the woman whose already married him, fall in love with him?

~*~

You’re halfway through a pile of soiled hay when you see him, chin resting on folded hands at the top of the stall door, watching you. You just catch him out of the corner of your eye, so you keep tossing the used hay into your wheelbarrow, trying not to grunt with each shovel full. 

You’re not graceful doing this. You still stumble through it, though it’s getting easier. After more than a week back, the soreness of returning to heavy labor has faded. Your arms are getting stronger despite the time away from it, and your back doesn’t protest as much. You’ve figured out how to pivot from your feet instead of twisting from your back and your body thanks you. 

But you still miss the wheelbarrow sometimes, no matter how you grip the handle, and you can only fill it so full because even though you’re stronger, a full wheelbarrow is too much for you to push across the dirt alone. 

You almost forget here’s there when he marches into the stall and pulls the shovel from your hands, a frown on his face. 

“Joel?”

He doesn’t say anything, just holds it up to you, tip in the ground and measuring up the long handle to your height before shaking his head. Wordlessly he gives it a little toss, catching it easily in his hand before turning back towards the storage shed. 

You follow, every question you could want to ask on your tongue, but you hold them in as you watch from the door of the storage shed as he mumbles to himself, digging through a pile of equipment. “What are you looking for?” You finally breathe out, wiping the sweat away from your forehead on the back of your arm. “We got five shovels and they’re all the same.”

“Not looking for a shovel,” he grunts, making a sound of triumph when he pulls a small pitchfork from under a pile of rakes. “Looking for this.”

“Seems less efficient than a shovel,” you mutter as he hands it to you. 

“You’d be surprised.” He tips his head and uses a hand to guide you out of the shed, back to the stall you were working on. “Give it a try.” 

The handle is smaller, fitting in your palms better, and with its shorter length, the grip feels lighter. Your first scoop doesn't slide through the tines like you think it will, and instead guides right where you want it to, the whole thing slipping easily into the wheelbarrow. 

You look up at him, eyes wide. “Well fuck me.”

He laughs, a hearty chuckle. “Eddie’s a big guy.” He leans back on the stall wall, watching as you move though fork full after fork full, almost giddy with the new ease of it. “It probably wouldn’t have even occurred to him that the shovel was too big.” His eyes catch on the wheelbarrow, and he bends down. “If we get these wheels inflated that should help, too.” His hand rubs over his beard as he stands back up, “Not sure where we can find a pump, but Tommy’ll know.”

You set the pitchfork next to you, wiping your arm over your face again. “You mean you can make that easier, too?”

He nods, and there’s an odd mix of humor and lightness to match yours with something heavy about it floating in his eyes. You’ll be mad about it later. For now, this is the best thing that’s happened in days. “Can you take a break?” He asks almost shyly, “It’s getting hot in here.”

The weather had turned fast. Spring was long gone, and the days were sweltering with cloudless, blazing sun. Even the evenings were starting to feel hot and muggy, giving the town little reprieve from the heat. 

“Getting hot in here, staying hot in here, welcome to the barn.” You smile, trying to keep the lightness alive. You set the pitchfork against the wall and pull your gloves off, leaving them next to it. “Come on,” You slip past him, knowing he’ll follow, “there’s a nice patch of shade that gets a breeze this time of day.”

You sit on the ground once you’re outside and in the shadow of the structure, back to the barn, and he slides down next to you. “This is revolutionary.”

He chuckles, tilting his head down. “Just a little change.”

You lean back, wiping the sweat away from your forehead. “You wanna follow me around the rest of the day and see what else I’m doing wrong?”

“You just needed the right tool,” he mutters, “You weren’t doing it wrong.” He takes a deep breath and you can see anger itch under his skin where he tries to hide it. “Maybe if someone had taught you how to do it, realized that a while ago…”

You lay your hand on his knee, patting gently to stop his train of thought. “You noticed now,” you placate softly.  You settle your hands on your own knees, then, taking slow deep breaths. The air is a dozen degrees cooler out here, maybe more, and the gentle breeze feels good on your skin. “Bet I’m finished early today.”

He laughs, his anger simmering away. “Bet you are.” He shifts, pulling the leather strap from over his shoulder and holding out his canteen towards you. “Water?”

You take it, looking it over before unscrewing it. “Thanks.” It’s a little warm, but it’s better than the metallic tang of the water that comes from the hose. “I used to have one of these,” you muse, passing it back so he can take his own drink before screwing the cap back on. “Lost it in a river somewhere in California.”

He hums in acknowledgement, but just sits quietly next to you after putting his bottle on the ground in the few inches between you. 

You pick at the edge of your shirt. “Things quiet out there?”

You see him nod from the corner of your eye. They are still doubling up patrols, so that means he is out every day. He’s told you he didn’t mind it, but you can see how the constant vigilance is putting dark circles under his eyes. “Nothing out of the ordinary.”

Not that you know what the ordinary is… he doesn’t say, and you don’t ask. One day you might, but for now, you don’t really want to know what is outside the walls of Jackson. Being safe inside them is enough. 

“I’d ask how it’s going here but…” The corner of his mouth almost turns up, and his elbow nudges your side. 

You chuckle, and stretch your arms overhead. “Being off it for a week made coming back tough, but I think I’m getting back into the swing of things.” You let your arms fall to your knees, shaking your head. “That damn little pitchfork is gonna save me so much trouble…”

He looks at you. You can see it out of the corner of your eye. You’re both thinking the same damn thing, but to say it out loud makes it real, gives it life, and you want to pretend, just a little longer, that none of it is a threat to you. That that part of your time here is over. That Eddie just made an honest mistake. That they weren’t making things harder so you’d fail.

You change the subject as quickly as you can. You’d like to go a little longer without having to worry about your well-being. 

“Isn’t it fucking wild,” you start, trying to turn the conversation, musing with your eyes closed as your body starts to relax into the building behind you, the shade, the breeze, and his presence calming, “that before this, I’d go to the damn gym?” You laugh to yourself. “I would actually go someplace to work out. To make myself feel sore and pick up heavy things on purpose.” You turn to him, cracking open an eye to look at him. “You probably didn’t, picking up and putting down all those heavy construction tools…”

He shakes his head, trying to hide a smirk. “Nah,” he laughs for a second, letting his head lean back. You watch a bead of sweat trickle down the side of his neck and hold back the urge to follow it with your finger. “Still went when I had the time.” He turns his head to you and matches your smile. “Tools weren’t that heavy.” 

You lick your lips, sighing as you rub your hands over your shoulders. “Elliptical. Sometimes the treadmill. Then those weight machines in the corner that I couldn’t mess up and no one could make fun of me for…” you mutter to yourself, remembering the way the cheap gym by your house used to perpetually smell like sweat, the way the weights would clink against each other when people put them on the bar and the growling crashes you heard when people bailed on their lifts. 

“Walk everywhere now,” Joel muses next to you, stretching his legs out in front of him, “and you gotta carry all your own shit.”

“And I’m shoveling everyone else’s,” you laugh lightly. “No reason to go to a gym ever again,” you smile. “Oh, if the old me could see me now…”

His eyebrows raise. “You think she’d like you?”

His question is light, meant to be fun. It still hits something deep inside you, though, that you’d rather not think about. “She’d be surprised, that’s for sure.” You pick a piece of hay from under your thumb nail, then focus on the rest of your hand, pulling dirt from under the edges of each nail. “Told ya- I was an inside girl.” You actually laugh out loud, trying not to think about all the things you’d seen for your future that fell apart the day the world ended. “She’d hate this farmer’s tan so much.”

He laughs next to you, looking over his own arms, pulling up the sleeve on his t-shirt to share his own tan line. “Not much you can do about it.”

You shake your head and hold your hand out. He sets the canteen in it again and you take a slow drink, thinking as the water helps you find your focus again. “How about you?” You screw the cap back on and give it back to him. “What would old-you think?”

You start to backtrack when you see the shadow fall over his eyes, when you see the way his jaw twitches before he turns away, but his hand on your knee stops you from taking your question back, rubbing up and down gently. 

“Don’t really know,” he mutters, looking straight ahead, eyes following the pigs in their pen. “Some days I think he’d hate who I’ve become. But then sometimes…” He pauses, turning to you, and the shadow is gone. There’s a hint of mischief, instead. “Sometimes I think he’d be damn impressed seeing my wife.”

You can’t help it, you roll your eyes at him and lean over, knocking against him with your shoulder. “Trying to sweettalk me?”

“Maybe.”

 You shake your head at him, having a hard time hiding your smile. “I already married you.” You want to lean your head on his shoulder, you would if you were home and sitting on the couch alone, but it’s sweltering out, and you can’t stand the thought of anything else that radiates warmth touching you. 

Old-you would have been in shorts. A tank-top. Flip flops. You would have worn a light sundress or as little as possible. Old you would have set yourself in front of an air conditioner with a cold beer or in the pool with a margarita. 

New-you was in jeans and a shirt and heavy boots, sweating your way through farm maintenance. 

Oh, if the old-you could see you now. 

Joel’s hand stays on your knee, moving up and down gently. No one’s around, but you’ve both become more comfortable with touching in public. Hand holding was easy. It was safe. It provided you comfort and told the town that you were his. 

This?

This is for the two of you. 

Little touches on shoulders and knees and hugs fill you both up. They remind you that you aren't alone in this world. That for better or for worse, for real or for convenience, you have this man who is going to stay by your side. 

You’re sure it is something about chemicals in the brain: serotonin or dopamine or oxytocin that makes you feel closer to him when he touches you. It doesn’t much matter. 

Neither of you are going to stop. 

“Yeah,” he finally drawls out, his tone a little mystified, his hand still moving gently, “I guess you did.” 

You can feel that there’s something else he wants to say, something that’s sitting on the tip of his tongue that he wants to let out, but won’t. 

With a gentle pat to your knee, he pushes himself up, then holds his hands out to you. “So, you think you’ll be done early then?”

You smirk at him as he helps you to your feet. “Got this fancy new pitchfork, I should be done in no time.”

“I’ll bring whatever’s for dinner to the house,” his lips hint at a smile. He still has your hands in his, fingers holding tight. “You can have a nice, early evening.”

“Sounds great.”

[kickbutts-singsongs]

I know no one asked, but I have exactly zero (0) people to talk about bkdk with irl so here you guys go

My BKDK Journey

Yes, this sounds stupid, but my god it’s been almost three years of an absolute rollercoaster of feelings and denials and tears and revelations…

and if you don’t mind, I’m gonna rant about it.

(not spoiler free)

_____

May 2021

To start off, i wasn’t always a bkdk shipper.

I shipped izu*cha at first (not saying it’s a bad ship btw; it’s actually quite cute. im just afraid people’ll be mad if I accidentally invade their tag lol), primarily because I assumed that would be the ship that became canon.

But also, my veryyyyy leasttttt favorite character… was Bakugou Katsuki.

When I tell you that I would’ve loved nothing more than to somehow spawn into the bnha universe and punch that brat in the face— AGHHHHHHHHHH

Now this wasn’t all his fault: A) I watched the dub first lol, and B) he reminded me of someone that i was not in a place to stand up to at the time, and his constant anger, yelling, and harsh treatment of Izuku—who i began to relate to—made me hateeee him.

There was a time when I literally said “if he died, I wouldn’t miss him.” <- this was later proven false lol

So, I was watching the anime dub with an absolute animosity for our resident deuteragonist, but on top of that…

I was watching it with a friend with a crunchyroll account who lived in another state that I was visiting and staying with for two weeks, so by the time i had to go back home, we’d only gotten up to the part where All Might was getting Inko’s permission to let Izuku stay at the UA dorms.

Anddddddd in my drive to consume more bnha once I got home, i somehow stumbled across an Instagram account that posted bnha sub episodes divided into parts,

but they only had season four and onwards.

Sooooo I never saw the second half of season three… more importantly,

I NEVER SAW DEKU VS KACCHAN 2!!!!!

(I will say that I had seen a couple photos/edits/etc, but I never knew what had been said, or why they fought)

_____

June 2021

At this point in time, I’d been exposed to a lot of the fandom. My fyp on both IG and Pinterest were filled to the brim with all things bnha (because this is what happens when one has a hyperfixation), so I saw a lot of stuff.

Especially fanart.

This is where I started learning about the different ships.

I saw a lot of the side character ships and thought they were adorable (kamijirou, todomomo, even kiribaku), but then I saw some with Izuku.

Izu*cha was a given for me. I didn’t think there was a single person that didn’t ship it. But then I started seeing fanart of ships like tododeku, shindeku, and bakudeku.

And my first reaction to finding out that people shipped my beautiful baby sunshine boi with the person who bullied him for years?????

HELLLLLLLLLLL NO

So with my (unknowingly) limited knowledge of their relationship, i was very much an anti (i never spoke out or anything, i just reallyyyy didn’t like the ship lol)

(And then, you know, I started to see all the bkdk hate online and kinda went “okay not touching that”)

But that began to change…

_____

August 2021

…after I saw a manga leak for the first time.

I was scrolling thru my feed and all of a sudden. BOOM!

I was like 😧

IS THAT IZUKU?????

And i looked in the comments and yes it was.

I checked out the page and found that they had an entire account of manga leaks and was so happy.

I quickly began to read from the very bottom of that account, and it started from right about where Izuku first began his vigilante arc (i had no idea how much was in between then and where I left off on the anime, but I was willing to read it lol)

And so I waited diligently for the leaks every week (a practice I have continued to uphold lol), until one day, i came across an untranslated series of panels from the latest chapter. I looked at it and it was of Katsuki and Izuku, facing each other in the rain (you know the one). I knew the leaks would be coming a day later, but I wanted to look through them anyways, so I did.

I didn’t understand a word they said, but the pictures and imagery of them as kids then middle schoolers then where they were now seemed so touching…

And then I came across a pair of kanji that I recognized.

I was like “wait WHAT???”

I zoomed in and went “that— isn’t that—? That’s part of Midoriya’s name, right???”

And then I was like “wait a second… omg that’s Izuku, isn’t it. That’s the freaking kanji for Izuku.”

And it was!!!!!

So inside I’m having a mini freakout cuz—

Bakugou just called him IZUKU

Fast forward to the next day, and I looked at the translated version, and found out that not only did he call him Izuku,

He

Freaking

APOLOGIZED

And I was like “huhhhhhhh”

What happened between now and the most recent anime episodes for this to occur???? For Bakugou to do a complete 180 and apologize????????

Well, I finally got my answers…

_____

November 2021

…when I started reading the manga.

I started from the beginning, cuz I wanted to see Horikoshi’s art style and the extra drawings and all the other stuff…

And when I tell you that Katsuki became a whole new character to me—

First, I read everything about early-on Bakugou— without hearing him yell in his dub voice—and realized “oh wow he really is just a kid with issues and a worldview that he’s now having to change.”

Then, I finally read what happened in that space between moving into the dorms and the beginning of season four (most importantly, DvK2).

Cried.

Then, oh then, I got up to where season five ended and the rest of the manga began.

. . .

Funny thing: back when I read the leaks to ch322, I remember thinking to myself, “huh. what did Bakugou mean by Shigaraki making swiss cheese outta him?”

😦

THE WAY I GASPED

AND THEN CRIED

OH MY FREAKING GOD

That was the moment where i truly ceased to hate Katsuki cuz holy character development batman

Then, of course, we see them in recovery

And then the vigilante arc and apology scene *sobs*

And then I was caught up.

(Btw I finished the entire manga up ‘til ch334 in just over a week. I read for nine days straight. During the school year. My emotions were all over the place goodness gracious I could barely concentrate.)

So that’s how I went from being a Bakugou hater to going “you know what he’s a complex character and he’s slowly becoming a better person” and realizing that he was now one of my fav characters and therefore cursed to die but I’ll talk about that later

Was I now a bakudeku shipper?

Hah nope.

_____

December 2021

I began my dive into the true essence of any fandom: fanfiction.

Over the course of winter break, I had started off with fics that had no romantic pairing (I just wanted to see my boi Izuku), but then somehow stumbled across Mastermind: Strategist for Hire and then read the entirety of the For Want of a Nail series (shoutout to Clouds btw ❤️) cuz I was like “ok whew no bkdk fics” which was my mindset at the time.

But somehow (I can’t even remember how I found it) I came across a bkdk fic. It was called For Want of Izuku’s Toe Joint by Talavin (okay now that I think about it there’s probably a simple explanation lol).

I don’t quite know what compelled me to start reading it, but I did.

And I really liked it.

But not in the “I’ve been converted” kinda way.

It was like an “I shouldn’t be enjoying this why am I enjoying this?” kinda feeling. Like my head says no but my heart says yeah.

A really really really really guilty pleasure.

So, from that day on, whenever I came across any form of bkdk media, I would simultaneously feel discomfort and yet an odd sense of satisfaction.

A snippet of my daily life:

Me: *comes across bkdk fanart on pinterest*

Me: eww

Also me: *stares at it for like five minutes straight*

Me: who even likes this?

Also me: *saves pin to my mha board*

Me: not my ship

Also me: *scrolls down to more like this*

Bless my heart I was in such denial.

_____

July 2022

Bit of a timeskip, but nothing of note really happened in those last six months so here we go.

We’ve gotten to the point in the manga where the final arc is underway and Bakugou is about to KICK SOME BUTT

He’s revealed his Panser Strafe support item and I’m gushing about it to my friend (she kinda fell out of the fandom but still tolerated my rants bless her)

Oh, side note: it was then that I also expressed my concern for Bakugou’s “alive” status

Evidence:

For reference, some of my favorite characters are:

Beth March (Little Women)

John Reese (Person of Interest)

Joss Carter (Person of Interest)

Leonard Snart (Arrowverse)

Logan Echolls (Veronica Mars)

Fantine (Les Mis)

Eponine (Les Mis)

Jean Valjean (Les Mis)

Simon (Lord of the Flies)

Piggy (Lord of the Flies)

Grace Stone (Manifest)

Bubaigawara Jin — Twice (BNHA)

Wanna guess which of these guys died?

Trick question! It’s all of them (:

Yeah so anyways those following chapters really made me excited and nervous cuz YEAH KICK HIS ASS BAKUGOU but also IZUKUUUUU WE NEED YOU

hah hah.

_____

August 2022

Utterly gobsmacked. Cried. Disbelief. Horrified. Confusion. Anger. Went through the five stages of grief and then some.

Sometimes I hate being right 🥲

But the good thing that came from this was that my positive view of Katsuki only grew after seeing his utter faith in Izuku (and his thoughts being on him in his final moments???? 🥺🥺🥺)

And it was at this point in time where I could admit to myself “you know what? i see it. i see the appeal. i wouldn’t mind this actually becoming canon.”

Did I think that it would actually become canon?? No.

_____

September 2022

I don’t know how I thought Izuku was gonna react to seeing Katsuki’s body on the ground, but GOOD LORD IT WASNT THAT

Even sweet little blind me realized “oh wow he like really feels intense stuff for Katsuki huh”

(But some things I missed—cuz I was still a bit wired for izu*cha—were shigarakis implications “yeah u looooove the present I got u” and the freaking HEART that blackwhip caused??? when Izuku reeled himself back in???? like how did i miss that i read that chapter like fifteen times??)

So this is all to say that I’ve missed any and all actual bkdk hints up until this point. I finally lifted my head out of the izu*cha fog when…

_____

July 2023

…Ochako and Toga had their chat about romance.

The first actual hint was when Ochako had told Toga “I’ll give you my blood for the rest of my life.”

Little blind me became a bit less blind that day, cuz I was like “um. ochako? that— that sounded kinda like a proposal. like. a marriage proposal. ochako??”

And then those chapters just kept getting better!!

Bebe Ochako’s determination???

The Spirited Away moment?????

“I’m envious of your smile”????????

“YOU REALLY THINK IM CUTE?” “THE CUTEST IN THE WHOLE WORLD” LIKE 😭😭😭😭😭

For the first time, I was looking at the manga without the assumption that izu*cha would be endgame. And it only got better after I…

_____

August 2023

…got Tumblr!!!

Everything was downhill from here folks.

In the best possible way.

I came across some analyses of what was going on with togachako, and consequently led me to some bakudeku analyses. I read them and my goodness they made so much sense.

Like not even just personality-wise!! Those metas brought in actual things Horikoshi said about wanting to go outside the norms of shounen (and about not liking the Naruto ending 💀), and compared bkdk to tropes in different works of fiction, and even discussed how bkdk made sense narratively. They properly convinced me of the ship.

And then for good measure, I reread the manga in its entirety thru a bkdk filter, and lo and behold things took on new meanings and my eyes were opened.

I totally and irrevocably shipped them! And I actually thought they had a chance at being canon!!

(And then I binged so much bkdk fanfiction omg you wouldn’t BELIEVE like I read the ones with the highest kudos first and then just picked the biggest collections I could find and read down the line

It was like being on drugs like each fic gave me more dopamine than the last I was so happy oh my god)

_____

October 2023

And then finally, the day came.

The answer to “is bakugou alive yet?” became a yes.

We screamed. We cried. We jumped for joy. We told bakugou antis to suck it. But most of all, our bkdk hearts soared to see our boys make eye contact with each other for the first time in over a year 🥹

And from that moment on, I truly began to believe that bkdk would indeed become canon.

_____

And so, this concludes my 42672288 page rant about how I came to be a bkdk shipper.

Thank you for reading, and before I go, I want to ask:

How did you guys get into bkdk?

Did you convert over from izu*cha? Or perhaps tododeku? Or maybe kiribaku? Or are you one of the few who have shipped them since the beginning??

In any case, I’m happy you’re here. And while it may have taken me a couple years, I’m happy that I’m here too :)

(and thank you @animelover32456)

[roamingbadger]

Uh, Hello.

Unsure if this is appropriate tumblr etiquette, but i found your tags under a quote from an old book about women and reading. They said:

"i am showing great restraint in these tags by not talking about how women were once stewardesses of beer#just wanted you all to know#hyperfixation tag rant AVOIDED"

And honestly, I really would love to hear this rant, if you have time and motivation.

OMG, I think this is my favorite ask I've ever received, and Anon, you have completely made my evening. My week. My month, even!! Thank you!

I decided to put my rant under the cut for the sake of the dash:

So, this hyperfixation began for me when I was doing research for a short story. In the course of my research, I read this book called Ale, Beer, and Brewsters in England: Women's Work in a Changing World, 1300-1600 by Judith Bennett. Most of my knowledge on the subject comes from this book, so it's important to start with a gigantic disclaimer that it's only one book, it's only about England, and I'm probably misremembering stuff, and if so, I apologize!

But the summary of the book does a good job of telling you about the basic premise:

Women brewed and sold most of the ale consumed in medieval England, but after 1350, men slowly took over the trade. By 1600, most brewers in London were male, and men also dominated the trade in many towns and villages. This book asks how, when, and why brewing ceased to be women's work and instead became a job for men. Employing a wide variety of sources and methods, Bennett vividly describes how brewsters (that is, female brewers) gradually left the trade. She also offers a compelling account of the endurance of patriarchy during this time of dramatic change.

So basically ale and beer were considered such household necessities that they fell under the purview of the women of the house, along with things like meat, butter, bread, etc. Some women were held in high renown for their ale such that they could sell it to other households, or to single men who didn't know how to brew their own, and make a profit from it. Some of *those* women might have even been good enough at it to set it up as a larger business. And there was a word for them--"brewsters" means female brewers.

The book covers a lot of ground, everything from brewers' guild membership (which could include women, but often turned into "guys' clubs"), to control over property and therefore water supply (which was the single biggest factor to creating good ale and beer at the time, and which also meant that a lot of single women or widows who no longer owned their property could no longer brew their beer). Even the fictional depiction of Brewsters as being drunken, immoral women (think the busty barmaid stereotype that persists today) was used to push them out of the trade. And especially as ale and beer became more popular, and therefore profitable--men started to perpetuate the misbelief that it was "men's work." But for centuries, it had been perfected by women first!

So, now whenever guys act like women don't know shit about beer, it's interesting to me to imagine the expert brewster in her medieval kitchen, grinding her grain by hand, mixing it with boiling water, and letting it fill with the wild yeast that was already in the air because of all the bread baking and other activities around the hearth. Voila! Delicious ale.

All this being said, I know that monks in Continental Europe are also given credit for being early brewers, and I don't know as much about that particular tradition, so like I said before, this is just looking at the history of England. However, it's not a stretch to imagine that this trend might have mirrored similar changes throughout other parts of Europe at the time. I would love to learn more about brewing in other parts of the world, too, but I haven't had the time to go down that path yet.

I hope this has scratched the itch a little bit, and again, thank you SO much for giving me the chance to talk about this. I literally had so much fun. If anyone else is interested in such things, PLEASE do interact! :D

[oncewhenalongtimeago]

Hi! Sorry for my bad English, it's not my first language and I hope it's understandable :(

Anyway, I love how you write about Hiccup and look forward to the continuation of "Sorry, but I Think I Lost Your Plot" (If there is continuation) <3

Well, I do not know what your conditions are, but I would ask something related to Hiccup have a huge crush on Y/n and he end up accidentally confessing his feelings for her. Thank you !❤

Sorry, but I Think I Lost Your Plot pt 3

Pairing: Onesided!Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III x Modern!Fem!Reader

Words: 1934

After things get dicey you share a little bit of your future knowledge.

Tags: Time Travel, Reader into Movieverse, Dragons: Riders of berk, When Lightning Strikes

<Previous - Next>

The thing about getting jointly kidnapped with Hiccup by Meatlug was that people also gave you credit. Fortunately for you, as the months went on and after the hassle of Snoggletog, people stopped congratulating you on the street and you fizzled out into blessed anonymity, just the way you liked it, and life went back to your new normal.

You’d been avoiding going into town since summer hit, which was lightning storm season, boy was it rough, and everyone had started putting up large metal objects. You could practically feel the buzz of electricity, the hairs on your neck standing on end. However, you couldn’t avoid everyone forever, though you made one hel of an effort. 

Hesitantly, you knocked on the forge window, package in hand. Over the counter was Hiccup, with a rag, doing some scrubbing over what looked like a very large, very crude statue of who you’d come to know in the island as Thor.

“Delivery!” You called, with as much good humor as you could muster, “Hi.”

The way into the forge was open as it usually was. You scuffed your feet in the dirt and looked back and forth, as if someone would jump out at you and tell you you weren’t allowed to go in. When no one appeared magically to tell you off, which might have been difficult considering the clearing behind you was empty, you slipped inside.

“Hi,” You said again, closer to Hiccup this time. Hiccup himself startled, looking back like you’d caught him in some sort of foul act.

“Hi. Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi,” He said, shoulders stiff, “How are you- I mean, what brings you here?”

You creased your eyebrows, before deciding to ignore his weird behavior.

“...What are you working on?” You asked, peering around him at the statue with only minor dread. It would probably be just another thing to avoid until the end of summer, yeah, but it looked pretty cool.

“Uh- statue!” He deepended his voice unnaturally and cleared his throat, “Hoping to appease Thor, you know. The works.” 

Hiccup not-so-casually leaned on the statue, though you didn’t find it very odd as everyone in the village was acting the same way recently. Something about the perches, which wasn’t very surprising. You’d seen a mob go by earlier, ranting something angrily about dragons. You weren’t super familiar with many of the plots past the movies but you hoped you hadn’t changed anything vital.

“How come?” A small part of you hoped the statue wasn’t some sort of secret you’d stumbled onto by accident. That would be bad news, and very counterproductive.

“You’ve heard about what’s been going on recently, right?” Hiccup deflated.

You shook your head no, setting down the small brown paper wrapped parcel onto a nearby workbench.

“Well, uh,” He started nervously, A line of sweat gathered by his brow, “Since the storms hit, lightning started hitting the perches. It’s been following Toothless around, and everyone;s been saying it’s because of him, so the other Riders and I- they were here earlier- we built the statue.”

He looked incredibly put out and tired, the same way you’d been around Snoggletog.

“If he’s the Offspring of Lightning and Death then why would, you know, the lightning go for him?” You offered, cringing, “It doesn’t make sense.”

You’d done your best to stay out of the dragon politics. It was hard to take seriously, given your background. And, also, everyone got a little bit heated whenever the subject was brought up, which usually ended in blood. Double also, as an outlier who was quite literally very disconnected from the situation, you had a lot of odd and unpopular opinions. So, yeah, you avoided it. But now, looking at him, you kind of felt bad.

 “I mean, I’m not trying to sound blasphemous or anything, but also then theoretically shouldn’t the Gods have shot you down earlier? There are better ways to have done you in, probably. And still get the message across. I don’t know.” 

You paused, and when he didn’t react, you hesitantly continued, despite every instinct shouting at you not to. 

“Either way, setting up more metal is kind of a dangerous way to go about it, isn’t it?” You shuffled your feet nervously, “Would probably be best to take them down?”

Maybe then you could run around town more often.

“What do you mean?” Hiccup looked a little scandalized. Definitely blasphemous. There was no going back now, though.

 “I mean, metal attracts lighting. So it doesn’t matter who you’re trying to appease. You’re probably just going to get your signals mixed.”

You didn’t say any more on the subject. Probably wouldn’t be helpful to say that most people in the modern day didn’t believe in the Norse Gods. You were so going to get axed.

“What do you mean?” He asked again, still staring at you blankly.

“Lighting is usually attracted to tall objects, but if there’s metal in the area, it’ll go to that. Learned it in elementary.”

“Elementary,” Hiccup mouthed, confused. The thing about being in the past and being able to speak two languages, one of which didn’t even exist yet, was that you could say whatever word you wanted and no one would get it. That was also a downside, in multiple different aspects.

“Anyways,” You stuttered, unwilling to explain that, “There’s a thing people used to set up by their houses back home so lightning wouldn’t hit their houses when it got stormy. A metal rod or something. The perches are probably, ah- the statue’s good. If you gave it to her, Gothi might appreciate it. I mean, she does live on top of the mountain. Would probably keep her from getting struck, you know?”

“Are you sure?” Hiccup asked. He looked like a dog who’d just gotten a bone.

“About Gothi?” You asked, rubbing the back of your neck, “I mean…”

You paused, rolling up and down the balls of your feet and looked around, unsure of what you were supposed to say.

“Am I going to get in trouble for being in here? I don’t want to-” You turned back around. Hiccup was gone.

Gobber had just walked by you shaking his head at the sky, seemingly blind to your appearance.

You looked left and right at the dispersing crowd, wondering what was going on as you began to slog your way through. Everyone, as they left, seemed sort of disinterested and annoyed.

At the front of the crowd was Hiccup, looking incredibly singed and dazed from where he was on the docks. His father, the Chief, and Astrid, were nearby. Astrid had just begun to leave. Stoick, it seemed, was finishing up a hardy lecture and scolding.

You decided to wait politely until he was finished and ogling at the small array of large and small metal rods until the Chief left. Perhaps that was what had drawn you outwards. You’d heard rather than seen a pretty big commotion earlier, which led you down the cliffs  despite your ultimate resolution to stay out of everyone else’s crazy business. Some things were just unavoidable. Or unignorable. Curiosity was a part of human nature, after all.

“Oh,” Hiccup said, once the two of you were left mostly alone, besides the occasional straggling fisherman, “Hi.”

“You made all this?” You said. You put the pieces together fairly quickly, “That’s really cool.” 

“Couldn’t have done it…” He mumbled, “Without your help.”

“You probably would have figured it out on your own,” You suggested wearily. His eyes were sort of glazed over, like hw wasn’t completely there, which set alarm bells ringing in your head, “Hey, are you alright?”

Hiccup stumbled forwards, roughly tugging your hands into his own before he picked them up, grinning widely. His hands were oddly hot to the touch and his left hand was red in a pattern that looked sort of like worms. 

“I think I love you,” He declared. It looked like he was going to lean forward for a second, before stumbling backwards and collapsing onto the wood dock.

“What happened…?” Hiccup uttered exhaustedly, cradling his bandaged head.

He looked around groggily, slowly taking in the grassy dried herb smell of Gothi’s hut and the bowls of spices and bones lining the walls

You were seated on a stool by the bedside, currently his, probably Gothi’s when there were no patients around. 

“You collapsed. So I, uh, I pulled you up here. How are you feeling?” You asked cautiously, wrinkling your brows. 

“Uh, hi?” Hiccup’s eyes widened, flushed like he was embarrassed, “I’m good. I’m so good.”

Hiccup tried to lean back, though the heavy bandaging wrapped around his lightning-scarred arm prevented him from doing that safely. His expression stiffened and he looked down, eyeballing his ruined sleeves.

“Yeah, sorry about that,” You said, “I couldn’t understand what Gothi was saying and we kind of had to cut your sleeve off to get to your arm. The lightning kind of burned it weird too, and it was sticking to your skin, so yeah.”

“Oh, it’s alright,” Hiccup scratched at his cheek with his alright arm, looking a little bit bummed out, “I have more at home.”

“Well, yeah, maybe, but-” You sighed, a little put off, “Anyways, I didn’t have enough to pick up anything nice but a bunch of people heard and helped me pitch in for a new shirt.”

You nodded down to the red tunic laying on the bed by his foot. It wasn’t his signature green but they didn’t really have that, which was unfortunate because red dyed fabric was expensive. Hopefully he’d be out of it soon and in his normal wear. It was going to be weird seeing him in red.

“Oh, wow.” Hiccup said, “Really?”

“Oh, sorry,” You said, after your knuckles scraped each other. You met him halfway with the tunic and pulled it taut when he tried to unfurl it with one hand, so the whole thing was on display.

“Th-anks,” Hiccup said, as if a spare piece of food had gotten stuck in his throat.

You responded with an unhurried “No Problem,” as he gave it a once-over. 

After a moment, he let it down and you took the signature to let go as he clumsily folded it again, leaving it to sit in his lap over the old, scratchy blanket Gothi had provided.

“Yeah,” Hiccup mumbled, squinting, after a moment, “What… exactly happened? I mean, I have a few memories, but it’s all really blurry. I remember- I- Uh-”

Hiccup shut up.

You winced. 

“Yeah, you, ah, got struck by lightning, I think. Unfortunately. But you did prove Toothless was innocent, so there’s that.”

“Yeah?” Hiccup very studiously examined the wall to his left.

“By the way,” You started him, “You said something before you fell unconscious.”

Hiccup laughed nervously, “Nothing weird?”

“I’m not sure. I haven’t really learned the word in Norse yet.” You said, shifting in the stool, which was just starting to make your back ache.

“Learned-? Uh,” Very decidedly, Hiccup shut his eyes. His face said exactly what he was thinking, which was ‘Oh Gods,’ “What did I say?”

“What does ‘love’ mean?” You stared at him, question in your eyes. Hiccup opened his mouth once, then closed it, then he opened it again.

It looked like he was having some sort of battle with himself. You decided that maybe you should leave him alone about it for now. And rightly so, because instead of answering, Hiccup decided to lay back down and roll back towards the wall.