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mayo-advance · 3 years ago

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Role Call

Installment 1 in Leos Welcome Back Fanfic Fest

Peter Maximoff X Reader

Discription: You are stressed and with stress comes instability with your mutation. Peter returns from a long mission while you are at the peak of a breakdown.

A/n: HEY I WROTE SOMETHING. sorry this fic is everywhere but I wrote something and that is a muy bien start. Anyways nice to be back my good people of the Simp community

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Where is Peter?

Today had not been a good day. Your mutation had been all over the place as it sometimes is when you’re stressed.

Its not you’re fault that you had work to do. Maybe your dinky ass mutation is the one who needs to accommodate to you.

You weren’t a teacher at Xavier’s school but you were too old to be a student. You tried to help where you could whether it was with cleaning or food or even tutoring.

When you had first come it all had felt like a dream.

I mean- A place where you were accepted and allowed to be unapologetically you? Unheard of. Unimaginable.

But now as the dazzle of everything wore off, you found that your initial enthusiasm about helping out and helping people feel welcome was exhausting.

The only think keeping it bearable this week was Peter.

Speaking of Peter, where was he?

Peter was your amazing boyfriend who was always so full of energy and excited to see you. He knew what to say to make you feel better and in turn you helped him through his own stresses.

That man gives the best hugs you swear you were so lucky to have him.

Unfortunately hes been gone all week.

Hes been gone all week fighting Mysterio (aka his dad) which you thought was stupid because Magneto was right.

This all leads up to the present.

You were laying on the floor in your room. Next to the bed. The bed that would have taken a single step to flop onto.

You were on your back, your eyes were opened in teeny slivers and your hands were firmly plugging your ears.

Your mutation enabled you to create video and audio illusions but when it acted up it was really a bitch.

Everything was so loud.

Where is Peter?

You could see tiny images dance in your vision, tempting you to open your eyes wider and fall victim to the illusion.

Life really sucked sometimes.

At least when Peter was around you had his hugs to anchor you to something.

Your ears rang but if you held your hands against them tight enough and if you made it hurt enough everything would stop.

Life is too much sometimes.

Its so much sometimes that you cant bring yourself to feel anything as you simply go through the motions and its so much sometimes that you’d benefit more from skipping the important things just to take a rest but you never do because what if people got mad and-

A hand reached into your little attack and shook your eyes open.

Through all of the commotion, you saw Peter.

He looked worried but when he saw your open eyes he cracked a small smile.

You took him in for a second almost the same as always. He had a star wars band-aid on his forehead and his eyes had faint marks from where his goggles were.

But he was here now.

You slowly took your hands away from

your ears trying to ignore the screaming and the commotion that flooded your senses.

“You ok there toots?” Despite how quietly he asked you, it was the loudest thing you heard.

You tried to nod but you grimaced a little as you did because so many emotions swept through your body like a title wave at the sight of Peter.

He was here.

You tried to open your mouth to speak but you were so choked up.

You wanted to say, “I am now that you’re back.”

Instead it came out as a choked, “Sure-sure yeah.”

Very obviously that didn’t satisfy Peter. He helped you to your feet and then into a sitting position on the bed. He was gone and back with water and with food.

Everything was so hazy but you kept your attention on Peter.

Yes he was back but instead of getting rest now he was here tending to you. You felt guilt prick at your senses.

Peter sat down next to you on the comforter of the bed you two shared, offering you a water bottle.

You took a deep breath, swallowing your emotions. “No its fine, im fine. You need rest.”

Peter ignored you.

Little shit.

You tried again. “I swear i’m good-“

“Its ok Y/n” he said again with the same quiet voice.

You wanted to act like you hated it when he was like this because he was only ever calm when one of you were struggling and it means hes acknowledged that you are struggling.

You swallowed thickly feeling tears start to form in your eyes.

You shook your head again, “No its not because I hate crying.”

“Well I hate you crying. But that doesn’t mean I want you to always feel like you need to be strong. I’m here and even if I am a little tired I want to help.”

A tear rolled down your cheek. You begrudgingly grabbed the waterbottle while you sniffed a little.

“You know” Peter looked at you with a little smile, “someone once told me you can’t cry while drinking water.”

Between the sniffling you let out a small laugh. It was more of a sharp exhale honestly. You knew that. You knew that because you had taught him that. You read somewhere that when preschoolers cry you can give them water to help them stop.

You cracked the cap on top and lifted it to your lips to drink. When you did so you noticed everything wasnt as loud anymore. You could see Peter more clearly now.

You sniffed again as more tears fell. “I’m sorry I just… Its just been too much lately but I can’t bring myself to stop.”

Peter scoffed affectionately, “Yeah i can understand not being able to stop.”

You smiled a little bit, you’ve encountered Peter run into walls before.

It always ended with him whining about how much his head hurt and you laughing a little before you would go to Hank to make sure he didnt have a concussion.

You let out a small breath. “You can go clean up if you want. I know you’ve also had a long week.”

Peter practically fell on your shoulder. “Its too late i’m here.” He started smiling wider as you tried to push him off.

“Dude! Did you shower at all while you were gone?” You started laughing a little bit as you talked and tried to push him off.

Peter lifted his head to look at you, “Well perhaps I was hoping if I needed one so bad that I could get you to join me.”

You shook your head. “Dammit speedy go shower now.”

Peter groaned like a child “Fiiiine but you better wait for me.”

He was gone in a flash but was also concerning my back in a flash, soaking wet.

You sighed, smiling like an idiot in love “Running through the mansions sprinklers does not count as a shower.”

Peter groaned again and this time he didnt immediately come back.

The night ended with you two laying together and just talking about anything and everything.

It eventually circled back to “I think we need to clear some stuff out of your schedule.”

You looked over at him. “I know, I just dont know what I can let go of.”

“Well what cant you let go of?”

You got a cheesy grin on your face. “You.”

Peter looked over at you giving a small smile. “No but seriously-“

You exclaimed in protest that he didnt respond to your stupidly sweet comment and you both burst into a comfortable laughter.

Everything will be ok.

Peter is Here.

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Taglist: @pogueslandia , @xxxtwilightaxelxxx , @aesthetixhoe

#leos welcome back fanfic fest #peter maximoff x reader #peter maximoff #quicksilver #peter maximoff imagine #peter maximoff fluff #quicksilver x reader #xmen #xmen days of future past #xmen apocalypse #marvel #fanfiction #x reader #comfort

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jamtoasties3316 · 2 years ago

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Lewis taking Max’s virginity once he’s turned 18. But because he knotted Max on his birthday he imprinted on Max. Max constantly wants to be around Lewis and he feels really vulnerable when Lewis isn’t around. Especially around other alphas where he’ll feel very insecure and scared if he’s alone. It leads to Max staying close to Lewis as much as possible, in between practice sessions and during off weeks especially. Lewis doesn’t really care for it, it’s convenient because he can fuck Max whenever he likes since he’s always close. And Max will do anything to please his alpha even if it means getting fucked right before qualifying.

Lewis abusing Max’s trust frequently, telling Max about fantasies he has and Max is so eager to please he will do even the most extreme kinks even if he’s terrified. Lewis realizing Max will say yes to anything, so he has mechanics and Mercedes team members fucking him as well. Max cries a lot but he still says yes, as long as Lewis will hold his hand and stay close. So Lewis is often the one holding Max down while mechanics fuck him. He just needs to give a sliver of praise for Max to go pliant and submissive. He also freely uses his alpha voice on Max because the poor boy looks honoured to be ordered around.

Lewis abusing Max’s consent quite a lot and Max has never had a sexual experience that wasn’t painful so he has no idea that the reason it hurts is because he wasn’t opened up with fingers and adequate lube. Lewis just tells him it’s because he’s so nice and tight for his alpha.

Once Max starts to challenge Lewis on the track he tells him to stop using birth control and gets him pregnant. But Max is just so happy that he is having his alpha’s pup. He’s smiling so big when telling Red Bull he has to retire. And Christian can’t do anything because Max has a pup in his belly and a giant mating mark on his neck. They all know Max is being manipulated and abused but they can’t interfere.

Oh yes. Max is so scared and hurt after Lewis forcefully took his virginity, but also finds himself having such a strong pull towards the Alpha. The Alpha has laid a claim on him, and Max doesnt want anyone else but Lewis and is so eager to please him he will do anything. Lewis doesnt feel much fondness for Max, but the sex is good and he likes the power. He gets to fuck Max's throat until the Omega is gagging, gets to fill that inexperienced pussy with cum, and even listens to Max whimper and gasp as Lewis pushes into his ass. Max is in pain a lot and has no idea sex can be tender and soft too. He even lets Lewis tie him up, put clamps on him, and piss on and in him. He doesnt like any of it, but he needs Lewis so bad.

Lewis getting to threatened by Max so its time to make sure he is not ever going to be a threat again. Lewis tells him to stop taking his pills and let Lewis fuck a baby into him and Max readily spreads his legs to accept it.

Red Bull is furious Max is quitting mid season but the Omega is already pregnany and they cant do anything. Max still comes to the paddock, waddling after Lewis with a big belly and a lovesick look in his eyes. Everyone can see its not a healthy relationship, but Max is too far gone to safe.

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bakugoubabygirl · 4 years ago

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okay before I start she going to choose one. Don't worry if its not the one you wanted her to choose bc its going to be a Roller coaster of emotions and a lot of back and forth for awhile BC I FUCKING LOVE BOTH OF THESES BOYS. also there will be smut soon and it wont be vanilla .

YOUR POV

"Lets go before they find us" I whispered tugging on Bakugou arm. He didn't say a word and followed me. " Lets get some food at the stand" I gave him smile. Bakugou followed me he seem kind of moody though more moody then usual . " Are you going to say yes?" Was he asking about tododroki. I didn't give much thought to that . I like him a lot but if I was being honest with myself i had feelings for someone else. " I dont know I like him a lot and i think it would be amazing. But i also think I have feelings for someone else. To be fair they haven't shown no sign of returning this feeling. Maybe I ought to say yes and forget about the other guy like that" I admitted. " Who is this other guy" He asked. Why was he so damn interested and how can i tell him its him. "Not telling" I felt my face getting red. Next thing I Knew I was getting pinned against a wall. " Tell me" He growled. Why was this bothering him so much. If only he knew that telling him would ruin our friend ship . He would never look at me the way I look at him. because I was made to be the villan. Bakugou strive to be perfect at everything and I was not perfect. " Bakugou Its you stupid" Then I broke free from his grasp . I didn't want t o know his reaction or have him mocked me. I hurried and disappear into the crowd. Still haven't found any thing to eat my tummy started growl. When I heard my name being called out, The next thing I knew someone dragged me off somewhere quite. I'm so sick of being pulled around today. It was my dad, Honestly I was relived that it wasn't Bakugou . " Hey I know you and how your going to give it all but You need to make sure your head is clear. Ive been studying and your powers feed off you emotions. I want to make sure you have a clear head" he said worriedly . OH god I'm screwed my head is far from clear. " Yeah I'm not focusing on anything right now except for winning" I said and I fake smiled. " that's Great I Know your going to make me proud. I may be rooting midoryia but Your my number one and I hope you win more." He smiled. Pulled me and for a hug. " Thank you dad and don't worry Ill cut all there throats open" I laughed. Then it was time to to go back to the arena. Time to face bakugou mental and physical . I think mentally would be harder to do. Midnight call me and bakugou to fight first. I try not to think about what had conspire between us earlier. I need to focus to keep my head cleared. We both step into the ring. Bakugou goes to attack me and I dodge it just in time. Then I Blast one of my purple fire balls at him and he dodge to . This was really upsetting, and I Take one of my shadow hands out and it wraps around his body. I started to think about how he never loses. He was perfect and every way and would make a fine super hero one day. something you'll never be the voice was back again.

Bakugou POV

She had her hand wrapped around me. I had to escape and then I saw Her starting to levitate off the ground. Her eyes flash purple there was a gasp from the crowd. She slam hard into the ground with the shadow hand. She was Going to kill me. I jump up and fired another explosion at her this time using more force. She shield it and then made a big shadowy fist at the ground causing it to erupt . I almost fell but then I caught my balance. This time I used my full force now that I knew it wouldn't hurt her too bad. The explosion was so big she couldn't shield it. She was on the ground and lay there for several of seconds. I walked over her to see if I have won and if she was okay. She started to get back up again and she grabbed a whole of me again. She grabbed me so tight with the shadow arm I couldn't breath. My face started to turn purple I was pretty sure I was going to die. The crowed was screaming to let me go But she wouldn't listen. " Y/n Please let me go I cant breathe" I try to say but she didn't hear or listen. She wouldn't do this on purpose. Something was seriously wrong . this was not her. " Y/n Please I love you" at that point I didn't fucking care if the whole crowed thought I was a simp . I love her and I need her to came back. Her eyes turn back to e/c when I said that. " Bakugou" she gasps and then dropped me. I could barley move I'm pretty sure she won but she just stared at me. Her eyes started to tear up. " I give up" she yelled. Then ran out of the arena . They announced me winner and The nursing girl came to heal up my minor wounds. I was livid that I won that way. She threw the fight.

Y/N POV

I Brought shame on my dad and my school. I brought shame on myself. The whole world watch it happen too. They watch me turn into a monster. I almost killed bakugou and He never going to want anything to do with me again. I sat outside the stadium on the ground. I'm no hero I cant even go and face what I done. I must of sat there for hours and hours. It was finally dark and everyone left. it started to pour down rain. I decided to go back into the arena to pick up my bag and stuff. It was dark except for a couple security lights. I found my bag when I heard a familiar voice. " Tch where did you go?" Bakugou asked. Was he still talking to me. " heard you won congratulation" I gave him a smile. The air was so cold I could see my own breath.

BAKUGOU POV

" THATS NOT HOW I WANTED TO WIN" he yelled. " YOU GAVE UP THAT FIGHT WAS YOURS" " I almost killed you . I was created for one reason and one reason only. The whole now know so to. I let you guys down and I let my dad down. How can I be the princess of peace when I cant even find peace in my own head. I'm done," I said tears started to pour out my eyes. " IF i was the bad guy you would of won. Your powerful and just because its hard your going to pack up then Your not who I thought you were " he scoffed. " I almost kill you and maybe next time I will. I care about you too much for that to happen" I cried. I started to turn away. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me agaisnt him. " I know you wont. You stop because your good and you over came it. we just have to work on it. Please stay if not for yourself then the million you could save with that power. " I dont know how I stopped myself. All I remeber is blacking out and then waking to see me almost killing youself." I explain. " I said something to you and then you just snapped out of it" He said nervously . " Oh well what did you say" I asked. This could help me find the answer. " I told you I Love you" He blushed. This was a side of him I never seen before. I think im falling to. Todoroki was important to me but in the end bakugou been here. I wasnt sure if I was ready to say it back. I grabbed his face and kiss him. He started kissing back first it was soft but then its starts to get more rough and passionate. He grabbed my ass and pulled me agaisnt him. despite the freezing rain , I felt warm. He pulled away but remain eye contact with me as he pulled something out of his of his jacket. It was a small box and he handed it to me. " I wanted to give this to you when I ask you out after I won the festival correctly . That didn't go as I plan but I still want to win your heart. please accept this and be my girl. I never done this soft shit and I'm sorry if it not something I'm going to show everyday. Your worth taking my pride down a little I guess" His face was red. I open it up and it was a sliver bracelet with his name on it and diamonds. It was beautiful and way too much. I had no idea what to say. " Yes Ill be yours" he pulled me into a tight hug. " lets go to my place you need to get out of the rain and getting late" he said gently. It almost scared me the way he was being so kind. Bakugou POV We arrived at my place. She look like she was about to past out. Today was a lot on all of us. I didn't really won the sports festival but at least I won the girl. I just got to keep that damn icy hot away from her. I wanted to rip the necklace off of her that he gave her. She mine now. " Hey you stupid bitch your late" my mom bitch. No good job bakugou or nothing. " Fuck you too hoe" I said back flipping her off. She was about to really yell, until she saw Y/n come in after me. " Hey Y/n nice to see you again. I saw you tonight you should of just kill him and not worry about it' she laugh. The fucking old hag meant as a joke. Y/n face turn white though. I grabbed her hand and lead her up to my bedroom. She seem like she was still half in a daze. " Lets get out of these wet clothes. You can wear anything of mine for now." I said awkwardly. I knew we were dating but I didn't know her boundaries . There so much I want to do with her. She needed sleep tonight though. we both did. she started to strip off in my room. Oh, she wasn't paying attention to anything really. I couldn't help but to watch in amazement though. She took off her clothes and strip down till she was naked. I had to use all my self control to not do anything. then she put on one of my T-shirts that looked like a dress on her and then a pair of my boxers. I strip down to nothing and but my boxers and laid on my bed. " come here princess" I yawned. She crawled into bed and laid on top of me. She feel asleep instantly but then here phone started going off. I Pick it up and looks at it. Deku: hey are you alright. Me and your dad are really worried. Damn deku fucking worrying about my girl. I didn't want to give her a dad the pro hero a reason to hate me though. Me: yeah I'm fine just staying at a friend house. I'm really sleepy so I'm going to go to bed. Then there was other messages on the screen so I looked. Todo: hey Y/n I'm so worried about you. When you see this please answer and I was wondering if we could meet up tomorrow to talk about today and I have something I wanna ask you. I hope your safe and sleeping well beautiful. Oh hell no. She mine and he going to back the fuck off. I took a pictures of her sleeping on my chest and I sent it. Me: she mine and she sleeping fine thank you. Back the fuck off she mine now!!!!!! Todo: I see for now that may be it. I don't give up and I especially wont stop until she mine. You well slip and when you do ill be there for her. Your impulsive and abusive and don't deserve her. Me: You come any where near her your dead I blocked his number from her phone. I wrapped my arms tight around her and I pass out. The sun filled the room waking me up. She was still asleep. She was so beautiful and peaceful when she sleep. Her phone started buzzing causing her to wake. " Where my phone" she sat up straight looking for it. I handed it to her. The number didn't have a caller id. She scrunch her nose in confusion. " Hello who is this " she answered. " Todoroki, are you alright?" I heard him answered. Great rich boy has more then one phone. " Yes, what happen to your old phone number?" " Long story, where are you at?" " Bakugou house, why whats wrong?" she asked worriedly " Ill be there In 20" he said and then hung up. " Do you have anything else I can where by chance?" she asked " I think you look fine in that Idiot" I snorted grabbing her wait. " I cant go out like this" she said digging though the bag of mina and kiri clothes that they leave here. " Your not going anywhere with him and no way in hell wearing that" She hold up a short pink dress of mina. Mina was shorter then Y/n so this dress was gonna not cover anything. She took off my shirt and put on the dress anyways not listening to me at all. She grabbed my hair brush and tied it back out her face. she look stunning even though she didn't try and its for him. " I fucking mean it your not going anywhere with him" I yelled. " Chill out you have to trust me. He one of my friends and I'm yours so don't worry" she said try reassuring me. I almost lost her to him though. He going to try all Kinds of flirty shit. I cant be okay with this but I have too. She will leave if I'm too controlling. " One hour then come back" I grumbled. " I have to go home afterwards and talk to my dad" She sigh. She was right even though I wanted some time with her. The door bell ring and I hurried up to open it. IT was half and half baster. " Leave your hands off of her and no flirty shit or I will Murder you" I screamed and then Y/n push me put of the way. I grabbed her and kiss her so fucking hard in front of him. She push me away and laughed. " I'm sorry about him" she said. Walking out of the door with him. I kept trying to talk myself out of following them. I decided to invite shitty hair over to distract me.

IM open up to ideas and or request for my one shot books I'm doing. Thank you for read part 7 will be here Thursday at the latest

#bakougu #bhna #katsuki bakugou x reader #todoroki shoto x reader #bnha shoto todoroki #bakugou x reader #izuku midoria x reader #midoriya izuku #dekubaku #allmight daughter #almight #smut #fluff #angst #lovetriangle #jelouse katsuki

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shadedrose01 · 5 years ago

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hi! can u pls do number 14 (in the angst section thing) on ur latest prompt post? maybe hurt/comfort or just whump if possible? thank u :D

If The World Was Ending (You'd Come Over, Right?)

A/N: you ask for whump and hurt/comfort, I give you whump and hurt/comfort hehe. Thanks for the prompt, anon, I hope you enjoy it!! :D ❤💖

Read it on ao3 here!

Based off of the prompt:

14. "Just get home as soon as possible, okay?!?"

"Hey Pete." A sigh, low, quiet, sad. "I know I'm the- the last person you probably want to hear from right now and definitely the last one you want to talk to, but..." A pause, some shuffling in the background. "We're all worried about you, Peter. You left, and didn't tell anyone where you were going and-" Another sigh, similar to the first. "Just- call someone, please? It doesnt-" quiet, more subdued, "Doesn't have to be me, just- call Tony, or May, or somebody, let them know you're okay. That's all I ask." Another pause, longer and quieter than before, full of tension, empty words, broken promises. A puff of breath. "Come home as soon as possible, okay? I-... I love you."

A beep signaling the end of the message echoes in the larger, almost empty room, and Peter throws his arm over to press the end button before the robot lady can ask if he wants to listen to it again, or delete it, or whatever. He rubs away the stray, angry tears from his eyes, feeling his stomach clench with the swirl of intense emotions, feeling as it shrivels from the heat of his frustration, rocks from the waves of his sorrow, and bitterness and- and- god he doesnt even know.

Hes just... tired. Bone aching, soul crushingly tired. With everything. With his work load at school growing and growing everyday, spiraling out of his control. With Tony yelling at him in the lab, because he always messes something up. With Harley, who finds something to argue with him about every single day, the screaming matches getting louder and louder every night. With May, moving on with Happy and forgetting about him more and more, time and time again. With his friends, who always seem to be hanging out, but never with him, never inviting him anywhere anymore. With Spider-Man, and the way people seem to keep dying on his patrols, on his watch, because god, he cant even do that right. The one thing he thought he could do with his eyes closed, and he keeps fucking that up too.

And now, now he did the worst thing possible. Worse than fighting every night with someone he thought was the love of his life. Worse than getting scolded at his dream job everyday, by his mentor and father figure. Worse than being forgotten by the only mother he really remembers, by his friends that he grew up with.

He ran away. He broke down, freaked out, and ran. Stuffed as much clothes as he could find into a suitcase, called the first hotel away from the city he could think of, booked a suite for the night and took off without telling a soul. Not his boyfriend, not his mentor, not his aunt, not his friends. Nobody. Because he just couldnt take it anymore. He couldn't handle the constant fighting, the barrage of stress and anxiety a mountain high that he knew he couldn't climb, the loneliness, bitter and cold and empty that surrounded him, suffocated him even as he laid beside a warm body every night, and talked with people everyday. The piercing, heartwrenching thought that everyone he loved was going to leave, to break up with him, to get tired of him, to forget him, and he was going to be all alone.

So, instead of facing it and communicating about his fears like a normal, mature adult, he ran. Like a fucking coward. And, instead of relaxing him and giving him a chance to get away like he thought it would, it just made everything so much worse.

Now, he was stressing out even more, thinking about all the classwork he was missing, all the assignments piling up. Thinking about Tony, waiting for him to show up, trying not to panic when he doesn't, probably checking the monitor on his watch and his suit activity, to see where he had went. Thinking about his aunt, waiting for him to come bake with her like he had promised, and worrying when he doesnt show, because he always shows. Thinking about... Harley. Harley, coming home after a long day of schooling. Harley, noticing that Peter wasnt home, like he usually was. Harley, noticing that most of Peter's clothes were gone, his side of the room left in chaos. Harley, probably thinking the absolute worst.

Peter remembers the calls. The way his phone vibrating again and again as Harley called him over and over, leaving voicemails, telling him he was worried, telling him to call him back, that they could work it out, whatever it was, voice frantic, and then Tony, joining the mix an half an hour or so later, probably when Harley had fully begun to panic. But then, the silence. After about an hour of constant ringing (and Peter trying his hardest to ignore it), the calls suddenly stopped. Harley called one last time, ten minutes later, leaving one last voicemail, but after that... nothing. Pure, unfiltered, crushing silence.

After Peter had gotten to his hotel and broken down once more in the tiny, too clean room, he had listened to that voicemail on repeat, just to drown out his screaming thoughts that plagued his mind, just to listen to the ending again and again and again.

"I...I love you."

When was the last time they had said that to each other? Through text, maybe a few days or weeks ago, but in person? Peter couldn't remember. A while. Too long.

His escape was turning into a nightmare the longer he sat in this room, getting smaller and smaller, almost suffocating as the minutes turned to hours, as the day turned to night, and he couldn't take it anymore, he had to get out of here. Had to do something, go for a walk, clear his head, something, anything.

He basically jumps out of the hard, creaky bed, grabbing the card key had haphazardly thrown onto a table when he first walked in, and exiting the room, the building as soon as he physically could. He takes in a long, deep breath, feels the mid October air chill his lungs, giving a nice tingling sensation before he exhales, already feeling his muscles beginning to relax, his heart beginning to slow.

He looks left and right, before beginning his trek, feet crunching against frost with each step against the frozen concrete, the wind whistling against his red tipped ears, quiet, a whisper, definitely not enough to drown out his racing mind, his screaming thoughts, his growing anxiety creeping and wrapping around his neck like a noose, pulling tighter and tighter the more he thinks, the more he steps, the more he moves and breathes and functions. He takes another deep breath, trying to ward off another attack, another episode, but it doesnt work, the feeling getting worse and worse.

He feels a tingle at the back of his neck, sharp and harsh, but ignores it in favor of his breathing, trying to keep his lungs working as they should, trying to get oxygen to his overworking brain, to his stampedeing heart.

Rookie mistake.

He feels a prick on the side of his neck, and his instincts kick in before he does, his body flinching violently and whipping around, throwing a punch that sends the perpetrator flying back, hitting multiple bystanders before landing on his ass. Peter would've found it funny if there wasnt three others, surrounding him on all sides, grabbing at his arms, legs, torso, anywhere they could reach. And if he wasnt feeling so damn dizzy all of a sudden, the world spinning off its axis, vision doubling. He tries to fight back, tries to struggling, but his limbs feel like lead, his head feels fuzzy, and darkness envelops his vision before he can even blink.

Conciousness hits him like a ton of bricks, jerking him awake. As soon as his eyes are open, he's alert, on edge, wary, glancing around the unfamiliar room and trying to pinpoint where he is. It's a dark room, the walls, floor and ceiling all seemingly made of concrete, the only light shining through a sliver of a window near the roof on one of the walls. He must be underground, then, in what looks like some sort of basement, the room too small, and too familiar to be a warehouse or a base for an evil team somewhere. He notices a new more details, like a frayed rope on the ground, a table with some tools on it, and a few darker stains on the ground that Peter tries his best not to think too much about, and comes to some conclusions.

It's a one man job, definitely, not a group of people, and definitely not some well known group like Hydra. 'But there was more of them', he remembers, fuzzily, three men who had grabbed him once the sedative was given. What part do they have to play? Aside from that mystery, he also knows that they've done this before (from the stains that looks conspicuously like blood), and, the most terrifying fact of them all, that they know he's Spider-Man, the strong metallic cuffs that have to be vibranium holding him back, even as he tries with all his might to break through. He doesnt know how they found out, he's kept his identity pretty lock and key, but apparently they know somehow. So that's great, just perfect.

He doesn't know what he's going to do. His first thought is that he'll wait for Harley in his Iron Lad suit, or for the Avengers, or both to come save him, get him out of this mess, but then he remembers they can't. They don't know where he is, he never told them, so they wouldn't know where to look, where to start. They wouldn't even know he was kidnapped, much less know how to save him.

He feels his heart start to race, his chest start to squeeze, this throat start to close, before he forces himself to take a long, deep breath, shutting his eyes and calming himself down. Having a panic attack wont solve anything. He's alone in this, he needs to think clearly.

Okay, where to start, where to start? He needs an escape plan. He opens his eyes, and glances to the slim window, leaning forward and looking closer, seeing faint bars blocking the outside. Okay, so that's a no go for an exit, but what about the door? He looks to the old wooden door, the brown turning gray in its age, with a metal handle and a simple key lock. He could probably pick the lock, or break down the door if he couldnt. Good, now, he just needs to figure out how to get out of these cuffs-

Way too soon for Peter's liking, a loud click echoes in the room, and the door creaks open, a shorter, bigger man walks in, dressed head to toe in black and wearing a white anonymous looking mask. Cause that's not cliche at all. He feels a spike of anxiety either way, and swallows, wishing he had his mask on so he could hide a bit of the fear he knows he's expressing on his face (Harley always said he wore his heart on his sleeve, said it was one of the things he loves about him. Used to love about him anyways.)

"Good evening, Mr. Parker." The man says, voice low and rumbly, sounding pretty much exactly as Peter expected him to sound, surprisingly enough. Stereotypical villain smokes-three-packs-a-day kinda voice.

It's the greeting that causes Peter to snicker, grinning. "Ooo, so formal! You're like a James Bond kinda villain, I dig it! Yo, how do you like your drinks, shaken or-"

He's in the middle of doing his godawful impression when the man shoots forward and punches him across the face, and ow that hurt waaaay more than a punch should. He feels the burns of cuts on his face, the tingling of liquid running down his cheek, sees the brass knuckles reflect off of the sunlight through the window, and thinks 'huh, that makes sense.'

"Shut it, Spidey." He sneers, and Peter winces, his face scrunching up instinctually before he forces it to go blank. Sure, he knew that the man knew he was Spider-Man, but actually hearing him say it, hearing him confirm it sends a chill down his spine, cooling him from the inside out. He must've seen the flinch on Peter's face, because the man continues menacingly, starting a slow walk around Peter's chair. "Yeah, I know who you really are, Peter Parker. I've been watching you for a while now. Know about your wall climbing, your webs..." The man yanks at his handcuffs, making Peter's body crash back against the chair. Peter struggles to keep his face neutral as pain seares up his back, his neck, the back of his head. "Your super strength." He breathes into Peter's ear, before letting go, Peter slumping back against the cool metal, trying to look smaller than he really is. "I know it all, Mr. Parker."

Peter glares at him when he comes back into view, hoping his eyes dont give away his true emotions, dont give away how scared he really is. "That's really creepy, dude. Don't you know anything about personal space?" He gets another punch to the face for that, his teeth throbbing as a warm, metallic taste fills his mouth. He spits out the blood, the bright red a stark contrasting against the older stains on the concrete, and mutters "guess not" under his breath.

"Personal space." The man grumbles, before laughing bitterly, no taste of humor in the tone. "As if you know anything about that."

Peter's face scrunches up, and he tilts his head, feeling bitterness rise up this throat. "Sorry, I'm not following, how do I not know about that? I'm not the kidnapping people after stalking them. I dont even know who you are, dude." He braces for another hit, but it doesnt come, the man just chuckling harshly again.

"Oh no, you wouldn't." The man leans forward, mask almost pressing against Peter's face, and theres a line about 'again, personal space, man' on the tip of his tongue, but the words die and his head drops straight to hell as soon as the man finishes his sentence. "But your boyfriend would."

Harley... Harley's involved in this? How? Why? What did he do? His shock, his fear must show on his face because theres a hint of mirth, of amusement in the man's voice as he speaks. "Oh, the great and mighty Iron Lad, the hier to Iron Man, the savior of us all." His tone is bitter, mocking now, and Peter feels cold, colder than he's ever felt, icy cold horror freezing his heart, his lungs. "That's what everyone said. That's what everyone thought. That's what I thought." The man snorts, short and careless, bitter. "And then he killed my family."

"He would never." Peter spits out venomously before he can even think, his heart racing, aching. He wouldn't. Even if they were on bad terms, even if they were on a break, or whatever he could call what they were going through, he knew for a fact Harley would never hurt someone intentionally, especially not someone innocent.

"Oh, but he did." The man leans back, basically growling now, voice strained, crazy, beginning to pace back and forth. "He did, he killed her, he killed them, all of them. Crashed into our building, our house, our home, and he killed them all."

Peter just stares wordlessly, eyes wide, wracking his brain, trying to think of a time Harley crashed into a building. It was during a fight most likely, but Peter always remembers him in the air, on the ground, never getting hit, never-

Suddenly, a memory floods over him, and he swallows roughly, chest squeezing. "August 1st, 2024." He murmurs solemnly, quietly, and the man's head suddenly stops, head jerking to face Peter.

"You know." He wasnt a question, so Peter doesnt treat it as one, lost in the memory of Harley sobbing loudly against his shoulder, wailing that he had the window, that the wall had collapsed, that there was a woman, and a kid, and that he couldn't save them. It was the first time Harley had ever lost anyone, the first time Harley had watched someone die. It was one of the roughest nights they ever had.

"He tried to save them." He whispers instead, his heart aching at the reminder, at Harley's description ringing through his head. Of how he lifted the rubble off of the bodies. Of how he checked the mother first, finding no pulse. Of how the kid, the son, was still alive, but his legs, his body had been crushed. Of how Harley had tried to help, tried to save him. Of how the boy had coughed up blood, had wheezed, had looked Harley in the eye, his own full of fear and agony. Of how he had taken his last breath in Harley's arms, broken and beaten and bruised. It had taken Harley months, years to get over it, and he still couldnt look at the date without rushing to the bathroom to vomit. Peter shakes his head, shaking away the thoughts. "He tried. There wasn't anything he could do."

"He killed them." The man snarls, apparently not in the mood to listen to Peter's truth. "He murdered them, with his own two hands and-" he pauses, straightens, his voice going soft, quiet, eerily calm and collected when he says "And now, he's going to get what he deserves."

Peter can almost hear the maniacal grin on his face as he grabs Peter's chin and tilts it up, until Peter's eyes connect to the eye holes of the white, porcelain mask, covered only by a thin black mesh. "Because now, I'm gonna take away the thing he loves."

It's barely a whisper, what he says, but with his enhanced hearing, Peter hears it crystal clear, and he freezes, paralyzes, terrified. He yanks at the handcuffs again, and again, the cuffs getting tighter and tighter, cutting into him as he does, but not breaking, not freeing him, barely even moving-

The man walks over to the table, and grabs something Peter hadnt even seen earlier, his phone, and turns it on. "What's your password?"

It would be such an innocent question, if they werent in this situation. Someone someone, a friend usually, would ask carelessly, casually, something like "what's the wifi password?". Peter just narrows his eyes, and keeps his lips shut.

The man doesn't like that very much, as there's suddenly a very real pistol pointed at his forehead, coming out of seemingly nowhere, 'he hadnt even seen the gun, where the-' "Tell me, now."

He sounds serious, grave. Peter swallows a whimper threatening to escape, and gives it to him, making sure to keep his tone level, confident, firm, like he knows he'll be fine, like he knows hes going to get out of this, even though he feels the exact opposite. But he can't, won't let this man find that out, so he tries his best to act brave. To act like Spider-Man, even if he feels like cowardly Peter Parker. Man, he wishes he had his mask.

The man puts the code in, humming to himself as if this is normal, a regular routine act, before a loud ringing echoes in the room, and Peter's stomach drops. Of course he's going to call Harley. Of course he's going to make sure Harley knows what's happening to Peter.

Of course he's going to make Harley listen while he dies. Why wouldn't he? He wants revenge, revenge for something Harley didnt even do, and this how he's gonna get it.

Peter looks to the sky, swallowing roughly and blinking the tears out of his eyes, he's gotta be strong, gotta seem unaffected, gotta have hope. But that hope, that little light in his chest is dwindling more and more as the seconds pass, as the phone rings again and again, as horrible scenario after horrible scenario runs through his head, until-

"Hello?? Pete, are you there??" Peter cant help the silent sob that shutters his body, some of the tears in his eyes spilling down his cheeks as Harley's, his boyfriend, the love of his life, the one he thought he was going to get to marry one day's voice rings out in the cold, cold room, sounding almost breathless with relief and hope that it crushes Peter's already shattered heart even more. Theres so many things he wants to say, so many words he wishes he could take back, so many he wishes he could say again and again, over and over until it was engraved into Harley's head, never moving, never wavering.

But before he can speak, the man speaks up for him, voice filled with a mock amusement. "Hmm, not quite. Mr. Parker's a little-" he chuckles, dark and ominous. "Tied up at the moment."

There's a pause, long and dwindling, full of palpable fear that causes a few more tears to slip from Peter's eyes, knowing, knowing how terrified Harley is, and when he speaks back up, voice low, shaky, angry, Peter knows he's right. "What have you done to him?"

"Oh, nothing." The man singsongs, grabbing underneath Peter's chin and forcing his head upwards, before brushing away his tears with a thumb. With anybody else, itd be a soothing gesture, an act of delicacy, of love, but all Peter can feel is disgust, bile rising in his throat, and he jerks his head of his his grip, glaring heatedly. The man drops his hand, and his body posture stiffens. "At least, not yet." He mutters harshly.

Another pause, and some shuffling, before Harley's voice cuts back in, sounding stronger this time, calmer, but it's an act, Peter can tell, Peter can always tell- "What do you want?"

"You can't give me what I want!" The man yells, suddenly slamming his fist into the table, Peter flinching from the loud bang that results from it. "I had everything I ever wanted, and you took it away from me! You took everything away from me!"

A puff of breath comes through the speaker, trembling. "I dont know what you're talking about-"

"You dont?" The man interrupts, breathing hard, harshly, before laughing manically as Peter starts to tug at the cuffs again, glancing around the room and trying, trying to think of a way out, of an escape route, of something, anything- "You don't remember? The night you killed my wife and son? Crushed them under the rubble of your mistakes?"

Harley makes a heartbroken, aching, painful noise, the sound reverberating as Peter shouts at the man, spits, "He didn't mean to! It was an accident!-"

The man whirls around and smacks Peter with his gun, hard, making his vision tunnel, the room spinning, his head suddenly pounding where it was only a light throb before. He grimaces, closes his eyes, grits his teeth with a wince, feels the hair on the side of his head grow wet and sticky with blood as he tries to settle this dizziness that's overwhelming him. "Shut up!!" The man roars, causing Peter to flinch again because its so loud, it's too much- "He killed my family! And now," Another laugh, the barrel of the gun now pressing against Peter's forehead, the cool of the metal seeping into his skin. Peter opens his eyes to stare at it, wide eyed and unfocused. "Now, he's going to listen as I take his."

Peter struggles even more, even though his limbs now feel like concrete, as the gun clicks, the safety coming off, the bullet lining up with the barrel, ready to shoot, ready to kill him-

"Wait!" Harley cries, his calm exterior deteriorating, leaving his true emotions on full show, the panic, the distress. "Please, your wife and son wouldn't want this-"

"You dont know that! You dont know anything!" The gun presses further into his forehead, finger laying on the trigger and suddenly, Peter is calm.

It's a strange, out of body calmness that washes over him like a wave, gentle, soothing. He stares up at the anonymous like mask, at the man wearing all black, and the faint sight of deranged eyes he can see through the black mesh of the eye holes, at the reflective gray of the pistol, and he feels calm. He's going to die, staring at this mask, this person, knowing that the love of his life, his soulmate is listening, and all he feels is an eerie calm, everything slowing down to a stop. He gives a faint smile, barely a twitch of his lips, before saying, loud enough so the phone can pick it up, "I love you."

He closes his eyes, and waits for the inevitable. He doesn't hear hear the sob like scream that Harley let's out, calling his name. He doesn't hear the door burst open, and three bodies rushing into the room. He doesnt hear the repulors and guns going off, killing the man almost instantly. He doesnt hear anything but his heart beat, pulsating in his ears, and a loud constant ringing, until the gun shifts against his head, until hands grab at his shoulders and shake him violently, until he opens his eyes and sees Harley's face two inches away from his, blue, ocean eyes wide with terror, mouth moving frantically, the one curl of hair always in front of his face flowing as his body jerks with his movements.

Then, suddenly, everything rushes back. The tsunami of emotions, of fear, of grief, of pain and hurt and 'god I'm so sorry' floods back over him. Sounds, Harley blabbering "Come on, Pete, answer me, please," in his ear, while others (he cant even tell who they are, can't even-) talking beside them, over the dead body of his captor, 'they got him, he's dead, I'm not dead, he's dead-'. His vision, blurry with tears he didnt even know he was shedding, spinning with the concussion he knows he has, going back and forth as Harley's actions get more frantic, more worried, his voice getting higher the longer Peter doesn't answer.

"Peter, baby, please say something, please be okay, please be-" Peter just leans forward and presses his lips to Harleys sloppily, almost missing from the dizziness still plaguing his mind, his thoughts, successfully shutting him up. Harley makes a strangled sound, before kissing back passionately, hands on either side of his face, salty tears pooling out of his eyes and into their mouths.

They pull away after a few moments, only for Harley to pull Peter to his chest, breathing out, chanting, "Oh thank God, thank you, thank you-" and Peter presses his face into his neck, feeling himself start to shake, to tremble as he slowly falls apart, wrapping his arms around his back and grasping onto the metal of his suit tightly, sobbing loudly. "I'm sorry, I didn't-"

"Shhhhh," Harley soothes shakily, rubbing a strong hand up and down his back. "It's okay, you're okay. Everything's okay."

Peter pushes through anyways, needing to say this, needing to- "I-I didnt- didnt mean to run away, I-I just- I need-needed to get away, and-"

"I know," Harley murmurs, cutting him off gently, "I know, baby, I know, it's okay." He sighs quietly, sounding sullen, guilty. "I'm sorry too. But it's okay. We're okay."

Peter nods shakily, hoping, believing him, squeezing his eyes shut and shuttering, curling more into Harley's chest. "I love you." He whimpers, "I love you, I love you so much."

"I love you too." Harley whispers back, pressing a light kiss to Peter's cheeks, carefully missing the bruises and cuts, pulling the trembling boy even closer. "So so much. Forever and always."

"Forever and always." Peter echoes, sniffling.

Things aren't perfect, Peter knows. He knows that they still have a long, long talk about everything that's happened, and that things arent going to click into place immediately. They may not for a while, but as long as they're here, safe, warm, alive and loved... Peter knows that they'll figure it out, together.

#tw: kidnapping #tw: slight torture? but not really?#prompt #ask #parkner #parley #harley keener/peter parker #harley keener #peter parker #harley keener as iron lad #iron lad #marvel #marvel mcu #marvel fanfiction #fanfiction #mcu

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tillman · 5 years ago

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Pls infodump about lancelot from what i observe almost everyone hates him? (Ok its understandable bec of his affair with queen) im curious why do you like lancelot? And i remember a few days ago you post that there so many things you want to talk about him? And i want to see you rant/gush about his character, relationships, mental illness, his flaws etc ans also what is the difference between fate lancelot and lancelot in the legends? I want to know more about him he is complicated

OK its not that everyone hates him its that people hate what he stands for. the french side of arthurian lit is VERY focused on making lancelot seem like the greatest knight in the entire world because…. wow… hes french. and french people suck. stop normalizing the french. i like lancelot because of what he COULD stand for. theres a lot of things that could be delved into more (his mental illnesses, his communication issues, his inability to comprehend love, the struggle with being unholy or wrong, ect) but no one ever does. so i stole him hes mine now fuck the french they did him dirty.

uhm ok this is under a cut for talks of kinda heavy topics (lots of mental health talk, lots of abuse talk) and also cus its long. sorry i have a lot to say about him)

i like lancelot a lot cus i see myself a lot in him. mostly in his mental health and how he ends up dealing with situations. his struggle with violent mood swings and his huge burden of being labeled as a sinner or whatever for a relationship he admits to feeling trapped in is…. relateable… comforting to see in a fictional character i guess. as flawed as he is hes still heralded as a good person. hes still loved by his friends and his family. and thats nice.. i like it.

uhm for his mental health the main thing that comes out is his struggles with trauma, awful depression, and also just the fact he dissociates a lot. in knight of the cart he is so out of it he doesnt realize a knight is attacking him until hes thrown into the water in which he reacts violently and freaks the fuck out, trying to rip the guy off his horse. he like. physically can not handle extreme emotions and will either fall asleep so he doesnt have to face it (le morte says this is a known quality of him, he does this enough dinadan expects it as soon as he gets mad) or he swings so hard he has an extreme bout of depression (in the vulgate when trying to comprehend his relationship with guenevere and galehaut he just shuts down and spends all his time sleeping or staring at the river) or awful mania (see: the many times guenevere freaks out at him and he gets so upset he jumps out a window and lives in the woods). Lancelot has a lot of unworked out trauma from being r*** twice by the same woman who continues to use him and freak him out so much he cant find camelot safe (triggering another huge spike where he runs off into the woods) or the literal entire end of the legends where he has to deal with the trauma of while having one of his dissociative episodes in combat he accidentally kills gareth, someone he loves and adores like a brother or son and gets so upset he just accepts everything happening and hides in joyous gard, where his cousins have to BEG him to go and defend his honor from gawain whos basically knocking on his door pleading with lancelot to kill him.

lancelots inability to understand a lot of social nuances is also really interesting but like, ultimately leads to a lot of strife for him most namely galehauts death and gueneveres constant abuse. The thing is Lancelot basically idolizes guenevere and this is where a lot of the abuse and weird shit comes from in their relationship. lancelot was a very young knight who honestly didnt understand anything about BEING a knight when he came to court. the queen knighted him and him, being young and not understanding, took this as “i am her knight! i will do anything for her!” and guenevere just kinda ran with this? i dont rlly wanna go too into it ill do that later when i get farther in the vulgate and can talk more on it but it leads to lancelot being trapped in a relationship he admit hurts him, but the small sliver of love guenevere gives him when she needs him is enough to keep him in because his mindset is still “im her knight! this is what a knight should do for his lady!” Galehaut is a different situation where his blindness to social cues and other shit leads to a lot of drama and hellish shit and when he finally snaps and realizes “oh. oh no this is what love should be” its too late and galehaut is dead and lancelot isnt much better. his own mother has to come and convince him not to literally kill himself over this and sends him into a spiral of depression where he doesnt leave the joyous gard for months. when he does and when he comes back to court, no one really … cares? that galehaut is dead. and this is lancelots first experience with actual love and his first experience with the death of someone close to him. which is an awful double whammy to have to experience. he does have good friends like gawain and dinadan and tristan and his relationship with galahad is good but they all end up dead or turned against him by something thats he did and its just. god its so sad to watch. the only people lancelot is left with in the end are his cousins, and even at the end of all of that hes left alone with the corpses of people he thought he loved.

like hes a very flawed man. lancelot is a problem causer and not a problem solver. he doesnt try to he really doesnt, he strives to be the perfect knight mostly for some sliver of appreciation from someone he idolizes he never really ends up getting. he doesnt know how to cope, and ends up making things worse when he inevitably ends up screwing shit up because of this. hes called a sinner and unholy by god, and while he is very proud of his son for what he ends up achieving, has to deal with the trauma of the grail quest alone. he ends up killing someone he loves, and who genuinely respected and cared for him like a brother in a fit of him not being able to deal with heavy emotions. like he truly is in the wrong in most situations but like. in such a pitiable way. hes a good person, but lets his flaws overtake him a lot and pushes away the people who want the best for him. its like…. sad.

(about to talk about fate u can drop off now if u just wanted to read my arthurian lit opinions :-) )

i could go off about fate lancelot and all the problems i have with him for hours but i think the main thing i wanna talk about rn is how they handle his internalization of his life and then just did nothing with it. his wish for the grail is just to be told he was wrong. thats so fucking GOOD!! in life he was heralded as the best knight like of course his one regret was that no one ever stopped him and went “you are wrong. this is wrong. you are doing the wrong thing.” and that being all he wants out of the thing that can grant any wishes is soooooo soo cool and neat. and then they just reduced his personality to “oh boo hoo im so sad im going to fuck a married woman now” like. the fucking dissonance. like lancelot isnt the type for random flings. tristan sure i understand that a bit hes unhinged and hard to characterize and .. honestly does just go around fucking married woman. weirdo. but lancelots entire struggle is over his relationship with guenevere being both wrong morally and literally abusive! i jsut dont get it i dont understand how they built up something so interesting with zero and threw it all out the window it makes me so mad. i dont even wanna talk about fate lancelot anymore rn its giving me a headache cus im so mad.

#hes a really interesting and complex character with a lot of nuance but hes just so dumb #lancleot is the epitome of today i will cause problems on accident #hes just a mess of a man and trying to deal with taht fact but the problem is he has more power #than a man like that should have and it puts himself and others in dangerous situations #Anonymous

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lovingumi · 4 years ago

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who are your top 5 faves and why hehe

oooo i’ve been waiting for this one! i’m just gonna do two top fives, one for haikyuu and one just overall! i feel like you’ll definitely see what kind of person i am because of these, so that’s pretty fun! it became pretty damn long and it’s a lot, to be honest. so i get it if you just skip this entire thing! and thank you for asking this!! when i say i love interacting with you guys </4

haikyuu

1. my lil baby bokuto kōtarō!!

i didn’t necessarily have a favourite in haikyuu until he showed up and i was like ‘yeah, he definitely has my heart’ i just kinda aspire to be like him? he has this endless positivity and works so hard to keep up with everyone and just go against the strongest! he enjoys what he does so much, and i hope i’ll be just as happy as him. his lil emotional outbursts always have me laughing and just 🥺 evertime and i just wanna tell him that he did amazing and i’m so proud of him!!! i could literally write an entire book about him right now and i’m really holding back, because there’s so much more to him than his lil mood swings!! but let’s just keep it at this, hm! ��

2. miya atsumu

my lil misunderstood baby!! the second i saw him in the anime, before i had even read the manga, i was dead ass already head over heels with him. people dislike him and discard him being the best setter canon, just because he’s a lil threat? i don’t even know why people dislike him. this guy is a whole five year old with just lots of confidence. he genuinely does not care that people dislike him, because he knows his worth. another thing i hope to have. this lil baby starts making mistakes just because he started getting excited!!!! ain’t that just the cutest lil thing ever 🥺 i just find him so funny and amazing!! the sangwoo jokes are also kinda getting old guys, please

3. hinata shōyō

now this one right here- he’s overlooked even when he’s loved so much. he’s insanely versatile and just so much fun to watch. he’s the real definition of starting nowhere to ending up everywhere. i can only wish to have even a sliver of his determination and motivation, because i have none of that haha </3 but no, he’s pretty interesting! people kinda overlook the fact that he’s selfish, but selfish in a good way. d’you really think he helps all these other guys because he wants to be a lil nice? i mean yeah, that plays part in it, but he’s helping them so they can get better and he’s going against stronger people. he wants them to get better for his own reasons, and i think that that isn’t wrong at all. being selfish isn’t always bad, it can benefit you without hurting anyone y’know. and he’s just my lil baby sunshine who i can always come back to.

4. kita shinsuke

i genuinely don’t know how and why he’s in my top five- i’m just gonna improvise this one and just talk some bullshit. kita is someone who does what needs to be done and cares about the people around him. he shows respect and basically has no regrets. he’s a gentle soul and like i said before, he’s basically the word ‘serenity’ in my eyes. if you’re with him, then you’ll probably just feel at easy and so comfortable. being around kita shinsuke means feeling like you’re on a cloud with a gentle smile on your face. and that’s probably the reason why he’s one of my comfort characters.

cant choose, so- honourable mentions!

i know, i know this isn’t right. but i genuinely can’t choose another favourite, so for this one i’m just gonna do a few honourable mentions sjdndn. i think kageyama tobio is among my favourites. he’s just this little dork who only knows volleyball and believe it or not, he’s the one with the most back handed compliments and maybe even hate. my lil baby deserves none of that and i just wanna hug him all the time while he tells me about how important a first step is while setting <33333 udai tenma for no reason. kozume kenma has all the vibes i love. which is weird because he’s basically the opposite of bokuto in some way- he just seems like someone who would accept you, no matter how you look or act like sometimes, you know? if you pique this guys interest, then you know you’re in it for the long haul. goshiki tsutomu, semi eita, tendō satori, sakusa kiyoomi, komori motoya and iwaizumi hajime also join the list of ‘we don’t need a reason, we just make her feel ��🦋🦋🦋🦋’

overall

1. bokuto kōtarō haikyuu

he’s just- i already explained why partially but i’ll just add a lil more here! bokuto kōtarō is very much aware of himself. he knows that if something on the court happened to him, he’d just start hitting out of bounds or against the net, he knows his being coddled by his team, he knows he can be a bit oblivious and you know what! he doesn’t care!! he isn’t insecure about it and doesn’t feel bad, because there’s no reason to be! kudos to fukurōdani for that too, i love them for not trying to change bokuto <3 but i’m a very, very emotional girl, it’s kinda sad how easily i cry so i just bond to the characters who are emotional too. they make me feel like i can cry as much as i want, and they’d either cry with me, or hug me warmly and that just makes me so happy!

2. nakajima atsushi bungou stray dogs

god, the amount of love i have for this one- he’s one of protagonists that people love to call whiny, a cry baby, boring or useless. atsushi’s trauma might not seem big for you, but it is for him. he has been called these things for his entire life and has been used as an experiment, of course it’s going to haunt him for an insane long part. he’s just a realistic representation of how some people with trauma can be. but he’s trying to move on and trying to save people just like he was saved. he’s constantly trying to prove that he deserves to live, when there’s no reason for him to do that. and i kinda relate to that? i just want to give him all the love i have.

3. rengoku kyōjurō kimetsu no yaiba

this one- just twenty and i know that he would be the older brother to everyone in the anime universe, even if they’re older than him. he also gives me insane bokuto vibes he has such strong beliefs and always tries to protect the weak, no matter what. his father abandoned him, but that didn’t stop him from following his dream of becoming a demon slayer. he trained and taught himself into becoming the level of a hashira which is basically like the top 3 aces in haikyuu, simply said. he took care of his little brother when his father didn’t and told him things like when no one would support or believe in him, that he would be there and support whatever path he decides to walk. “stand tall and be proud. no matter how weak or unworthy you feel, keep your heart burning, grit your teeth and move forward. if you just curl up in a ball and hide, time will pass you by. it won't stop for you while you wallow in your grief.” the way he called me out with this one- no but i just admire him.

4. levi ackerman shingeki no kyojin

so basic, i know i know.. i don’t really feel the need to explain this one, it’s just pretty self explanatory. he’s seen everyone go and always survives alone. he’s called humanity’s strongest and last hope. do you know how much of a bagage that is to carry in such world? he had to make decisions, knowing that it would cost so much lives. he just deserves to go home, drink a cup of tea and close his eyes without feeling the need to always look around himself.

5. midoriya izuku boku no hero academia (contains spoilers)

now imagine seeing your role model in their real form, telling you, a quirk less kid who has been bullied to almost death, that you can be a hero. i would cry for days, honestly. let’s also not forget training for an entire year, moulding your body beyond its limits and getting a quirk that’s much bigger than you originally thought. and it’s not even one quirk, but around seven or eight you’re getting!!! you’re carrying so much responsibility along with all these things and people expect you to be this badass guy who carries no emotion. please- i fucking love my baby izuku and all his emotions included. i do not accept any slander for any emotional character on this blog <3

honourable mentions!

after reading the manga, i can say with confidence that bakugou katsuki is one of my favourites. i relate on another level to tamaki amajiki, my shy lil baby. khun aguero agnes, ah yeah, i love him. i finished the anime, but i have yet to finish the webtoon. kamado tanjiro is my favourite protagonist and no one can change that <3 hange zoë hange zoë hange zoë the love of my life!!!

#i won’t blame it if you skipped this-#nevas.✉️#anons.🦋

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waekey · 5 years ago

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Removable half kilt | Unmerged Infinity Windows | Skull Top for females | Found suggestions | More

@nerd-on-duty submitted:

Hi! I love your content (I’m especially fond of the pants and kilts) and found myself wondering if maybe you could make a combination of the two? Like a pair of distressed pants with a removable half kilt (kinda similar to the immaculate one you made).

I was thinking of something along the lines of this, if that helps: https://www.devilnight.co.uk/gothic/3760-black-gothic-punk-removable-skirts-trousers-for-men.html

But idk how complicated that would be for you, so if you think it needs simplifying obviously feel free to do that! (Or not do this at all, since I realize it looks pretty involved, but I figured asking wouldn’t hurt.)

Thanks in advance if you do decide to tackle it, and no problem if you don’t!

Have a nice day :)

Hello~ :D Actually, @trillyke has an accessory skirt that you can combine with any bottoms that you would like! Super versatile. ;)

Anonymous said: Hey Waeky, could you please provide your infinite window set as separate files, rather than the merged version, please? =D! I love this set but I feel more comfy with having seprate files instead of merged - because often merged onces get quicker broken... just my personal experience....=) Thanks ahead if you do so!

Of course! Here you go. :D

@pixiesimsuniverse submitted:

any chance you have made this for females? /post/168198999083

I haven’t, but I have been asked about it before, so I will consider it! d^^

Anonymous said: Hello love! I just want to tell you how much I absolutely adore your cc! I am wondering if you would consider making any more toddler cc as you make the most adorable and well made cc for toddlers and I would love to see more from you. Thank you!

Hellooo~ Thank you so much! I am really glad you like my toddler items! I will definitely do some more! QwQ

@mysticalrainbowshitter submitted: Clothes and Accessories

ITZY clothes and hair accessories please :)

I will look into it! :D

@cookiesandcrumbs said: my god you are so talanted, i cant even imagen the amount of time youve spent in blender like ????? ugh wow. one day i wish to have at least a sliver of your talent omg wow bye

Aaaaaw! You are so sweeeeet! I’ve loved playing around with 3D modelling since forever (even before I knew you could create things for The Sims) so I do enjoy my time in there, haha. ;)

Anonymous said: would you ever make something like donna's ruffle shirt that she wore on the boat in mamma mia 2? it would look so good in your style

I don’t think I will ever be able to master the combination of sheer + ruffle. TwT But maybe there’s something you like here? :)

Jane submitted:

[photo]

I’m a Korean. I can not speak English. So I use a translator. All I want is a crop hood.

Perhaps this or this? :D

@limechaser submitted: Maybe some shows like the if its okay?

[links] THREE EXAMPLES

These sandals by @madlensims look really similar! ^^

@you-will-never-find-me-anymore submitted:

[photo]

This cute one by @casteru? ;)

#replies #soo inspired again while going through new and old suggestions <3

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empressgreyofphoenix · 5 years ago

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I Wanna Know What Love Is pt 3

“This. Is. Amazing!” Jerome shouted, his eyes wide and mouth full of cheese pizza. “I mean it, this is so good I almost cant stand it!” he said just as he took another bite. You were sitting across from him, eating your own slice and giggling at how animated he became. It was adorable, just the cutest thing imaginable. That grin of his was reeling you in more and more. “I told you it was decent”, you said while taking a sip of soda. “Gotham might be crappy sometimes, but the food just cant be beat.” Jerome had already started on his 3rd slice when he looked up at you, eyebrows raised. “‘Decent’? Decent doesn’t even come close to what this is.” He took another big bite with a sloppy grin on his face. “Well I’m glad you like it, but you should probably slow down a bit”, you chuckled while pulling a piece of cheese off of his chin. “I’ll send some home with you.” He gasped in excitement. “Really? Oh my god that would be fantastic!” An elderly lady with long silver hair in a ponytail and a neon green waitress uniform walked up to the table and leaned down to your level. “Would you kids like anything else for today?” she asked with a very heavy southern accent. You nodded and replied, “Just a box and the check please.” The waitress stood up straight and smiled. “Coming right up darling!” And she turned to walk back to the register.

As you waited for the check, Jerome took a sip of his soda and cleared his throat. “Hey, is it ok if I ask you something, y/n?” You looked up at him while grabbing your wallet from your fanny pack. “Sure thing, Jerome. You can ask me anything you want.” He was fiddling with his fingers in his lap. “How come you’re being so nice to me?” You blinked a few times at him. “What do you mean?” You had your hands on the table, leaning in and intently waiting for his answer. Jerome looked down into his lap, still playing with his fingers. “Its just that, I’ve never had anyone be this nice to me before. I’ve never really had any friends. None of the people at the circus really like me all that much. And my mother..” The waitress walked back to the table, handing you the check and box and walking away again giving the typical southern farewell, “Y'all come back now, ya hear?” You looked at the check and pulled cash out of your wallet. “You were saying, Jerome?” He was looking up at you now, the adorable grin now turned into a somber frown. “My mother...she’s not a very nice lady. She never has been and I’m sure she never will be. All she does is drink and sleep with a bunch of men and hit me. All the time.” A gasp escaped from your lips and your eyes went wide. You were honestly taken aback at how anyone could mistreat and abuse someone like Jerome. Especially if that anyone was his own mother. “Damn”, you said quietly. “That sounds horrible. I’m really sorry that you have to deal with that. Is there anything I can do to help?” A small sliver of his grin returned. “See, that’s what I mean. You just have this manner about you, so warm and gentle and kind. It’s like you said yesterday, it’s appears to be second nature to you. You’ve only known me for a day and a half and yet you’ve shown me more respect and compassion that the people at the circus. More than my own mother. And I’m just curious as to why.” You leaned in closer to him. “Because this life is too short to not be there for your fellow human beings. I’ve always had love in my heart for this world and even though there are people in this world that are bad, it just make me want to share that love with everyone even more. Especially to people who don’t get enough love to begin with. And also, because I like you. A whole lot.” Jerome looked at you, his eyes beginning to water. It was unbeknown to you that he had experienced nothing but hurt and pain and heartache for his entire life, and now this girl walks into his life out of nowhere and shows him that there is more to life than all of that. That there truly were genuinely good people in the world.

You stood up, walked over to his side of the booth, sat down next to him and wrapped your arms around him to give a gentle hug. “You really do like me, y/n? Honestly?” he asked, his voice cracking a bit. He wrapped his arms around you as well, holding you tight. “I sure do. So far, I haven’t found anything about you that I dislike. And I’ll tell you what. Your mom and the folks at the circus can go screw themselves for not realizing your awesomeness.” His adorable grin finally came back in full form as he chuckled. “Thank you. And by the way, I like you a whole lot too. You’re lovely both inside and out. I don't see anything that I dislike about you either.” You gave an adorable grin of your own as you two pulled away. You helped him get the remaining slices of pizza in the box. Then you both stood up and headed for the exit. You stepped outside, taking in the early afternoon breeze of downtown Gotham. The day was still young and there was certainly more to see and do. “Where to next, my good lady?” asked Jerome as he reached out to hold your hand. You reached out and met his hand with yours. “I was thinking we could walk to the park that’s a few minutes away. Let our food digest a bit.” “Sounds good to me” Jerome replied and the two of you started to walk down the road, holding hands, excited to see where the rest of the day will lead you.

#gotham #gotham fanfiction #jerome valeska #jerome valeska fanfiction #mine #please reblog #please share #gotham fandom #jerome valeska fandom

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snkpolls · 6 years ago

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SnK S3E13 Poll Results (Manga Reader Version)

The poll closed with 539 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note that these are the results of the manga reader poll. Anime only watchers are suggested not to read if you do not wish to be spoiled about certain events! Anime only viewers, click here to view your poll results!

RATE THE EPISODE 534 Responses

WIT kicked off the arc fantastically according to the viewers! This episode got overall positive reviews, with 95% of respondents giving it a 4 or 5 rating.

An ideal opening episode in my opinion!

Incredible start for possible the best season yet ♥

Awesome opening episode to set the stage for the arc to come. Pacing was just right, imo.

HYPE MY SOLDIERS

I think it was a great ep and did pretty well with the chapters it adapted. The dialogue was there and so were the scenes, the ending hyped what is coming so much so I'm already in love!

Lack of creavity when it come to the OP and ED visuals, but the ep overall was good.

The soundtrack slaps, voice acting is on point, and the animation proves to be very promising. Overall, it's a great episode to start off the second cour!

Awesome episode with awesome soundtrack.

One of the best episodes of the whole series, which was surprising.

RATE THE OP 533 Responses

Overall respondents liked the new Linked Horizon opening, which was a great summary of the current arc, but overall it fell flat as a song that most would be willing to label as their favorite.

OP depicts the upcoming battle well!

Great adaptation, just wish the opening was a little more original

It is the worst OP of all. The song is disappointing; it sounds like typical, boring song from random shonen series.

The opening definitely had some parts to it that felt recycled from previous openings, but I guess it's just Linked Horizon's way of linking them all together.

SPACE OPERATION RAINBOW!!!

To me it looks like they ran out of time to make an OP so they slapped a green filter on what they had done already.

RATE THE ED 530 Responses

The 104th-centered still-frame ED has some mixed reviews with most of the fandom sitting somewhere in the middle between loving and hating it. Respondents overall are leaning more toward the positive, however.

ED is perfect with the time skip just over the horizon

WE GOT A FEW NEW SAWANO TRACKS. HOW ARE YOU FEELING ABOUT THEM? 530 Responses

Well over half the fandom are already pumped for new music from the series’ composer Sawano Hiroyuki! A whopping 76% already feel that he’s killing it. 22% need more time to decide how they feel. A small sliver of respondents don’t really care for the OST. Who hurt you?

ost perfect as usual

It was good but at this point everything sounds like it's been reused a bunch of times. Hopefully we get some new great tracks later on..

Hyeh

The bassline in the new rendition of "Attack on Titan" (or however Sawano spells it) is amazing. I cannot wait for the S3 soundtrack to be released.

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING WAS YOUR FAVORITE MOMENT? 532 Responses

The scene with the Beast Titan appearing with his army of titans took 30% of the vote, with Levi attacking Reiner as a close second with 22% of the vote. 10% overall liked the entire episode, and 7% favorited the cliffhanger staredown. We can all agree the battle to come has us all hyped!

I repeated the scene where Reiner appears until the end of the episode tons of times already

Did they really had to skip Levi's frustrated expression after he failed to kill Reiner? It was my favorite moment…

Levi attacking Reiner and everything after that has become one of my favorite scenes in the series. Damn!

Nice Erwin Screentime, nice Levi nyooming behind Eren

Best girl makes her appearance

the last three minutes of the episode where the warriors show up was fucking amazing

ON SCALE OF ARMIN TO ERWIN, HOW GOOD ARE YOU AT GIVING ORDERS? 526 Responses

The majority of respondents relate to Armin’s timid nature a bit more when it comes to overall confidence in giving orders. Just a small 6.3% of you guys feel you have the charismatic swag that Erwin brings to the table.

I loved Armin giving orders politely.

How was Armin overcoming social anxiety a billion times cooler then eren flying over a 60m wall, becoming a titan and basically saving humanity.

ON A SCALE OF 1-5, HOW MUCH DO YOU WANT TO GO HORSEBACK SURFING? 528 Responses

This was in no way a serious question. But at an almost even split, 35.8% of voters would totally try their hand at horseback surfing, while 35.2% would never risk their life doing such a dangerous activity!

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE ANIMATION QUALITY IN PART TWO SO FAR? 529 Responses

Overall respondents are pleased with the animation in the first episode of the RtS arc, with 54% stating that it’s the best animation they’ve seen from the series yet. 42% feel it could be better, but is also not the worst. A small percentage don’t find the animation all that impressive.

I can’t believe how clean all of the animation is looking. SUPER impressed with the difference in art-style compared to season 1 as well.

The animation is on the highest level.

i miss the thick lines the show used to have

i really love the colour palette of this season and the op especially.

IMO the color tones on this episode could've been handled better, it was too gloomy on some scenes :(

The animation & art style was almost as good as season 2’s (which is one of my favorite pieces of animation of all time) but still lacked in some areas.

Looks like they went all out with budget on this season and I'm loving it

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE CG COLOSSAL TITAN IN THE OPENING? 532 Responses

57% of respondents aren’t too upset about the GCI Colossal Titan in the opening and say they don’t mind either way. 35% aren’t happy at all with the decision to make the Colossal CGI, while a few actually find the effect super cool.

ON A SCALE OF 1-5, HOW EXCITED ARE YOU TO FINALLY SEE THIS ARC ANIMATED? 533 Responses

The overwhelming majority are extremely excited to see this arc animated after all these years. With its high levels of action and drama, it’s no surprise to us to see that the fandom is looking forward to getting this arc in an animated form!

IVE WAITED MORE THAN 2 YEARS FOR THIS IM NEVER BEEN SO FUCKING HYPED IN MY WHOLE LIFE

I've waited so many years that I'm satisfied and ready to pass now that my favorite arc is being animated

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE ADAPTATION OF RTS SO FAR? 532 Responses

67% of respondents are feeling very satisfied with the way the arc is unraveling in the anime, finding that it’s a very close adaptation of the original source material. 23% feel that it’s still too early to judge the adaptation properly, and a few less feel that the adaptation so far is somewhere between good and bad.

Fantastic adaptation.

Good pacing jumping right into the action, while staying faithful to the manga.

Overall very good, but could be a TAD better

I think the adaptation so far has been great, but I need to see how the action is handled before I say for sure whether it's well adapted or not.

It was ok.

It was very well-adapted! All the important details were there and nothing important seemed to be missing, which was something I was sad about in the last arc. It seems like everything I want will get covered.

How do we come back from there without breaking my heart?

PART 2 IS SLATED FOR 10 EPISODES. DO YOU THINK THIS WILL BE ENOUGH TO ADAPT THE ARC WELL? 531 Responses

Voters are confident that WIT knows what they’re doing by shortening the amount of episodes that will air for this action-heavy arc, with only ¼ of respondents feeling that they haven’t given themselves enough screen time to cover every last detail. 10% don’t want to say either way.

i was disappointed in knowing it was a 10 episode arc, but seeing the quality and taking into account that this is an action-heavy arc, i'm bouncing off of the walls to see what wit has underneath their sleeve. hopefully they don't ruin the best arc

one advantage of the short season is that they cant draw out the serum bowl for too long. God, that was a painful wait when the manga was dropping those chapters.

Really well done, the pacing in particular was great. After seeing it I was convinced 10 episodes was perfect for this arc. A 6-4 split is perfect.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE VERY SPOILERY OPENING? 532 Responses

61% of respondents agree that the opening, while spoilery, is a great summary and teaser of what is to come for those who only watch the anime. Without context, they can’t know what every last symbolic image in the opening means, after all! 23% of voters expressed distaste at how much WIT is spoiling the viewers, however. 9% aren’t even concerned about it.

The whole opening was just one big “fuck you” to people who don’t read the manga.

it only becomes obvious b/c manga readers keep pointing stuff out. Yes, the intros have always hinted at things but it goes so fast that I don’t think every person will know exactly what something means if they’re anime only.

The Opening is good representation of this phase of the story ending.

I don't get why people are making a big deal over the "spoilers" in the opening when they're not even anime-onlies themselves in the first place.

Man, it only seems spoilery for those of us who know what's coming. Anime onlies don't understand the context of the images, so they can't recognise them as spoilers unless it's directly identified as such! We gotta stop judging this stuff from the perspective of someone who already knows what's coming.

It's definitely not holding back on the indications that'll happen in the arc

HOW DID THE NEW ED MAKE YOU FEEL? 527 Responses

61% of manga readers felt nostalgic seeing the images of the 104th during their trainee days coupled with a somber song. 20% felt sad about the ending, and 15% were just disappointed with the entire thing.

Lazy ending.

WHAT DID YOU THINK ABOUT THE RED EYES ON THE TITANS? 533 Responses

Just over half of the fandom feel that the red-eyed pure titans was a cool aesthetic to add to show that they are under some form of control by a shifter. 33% feel it’s a cool addition, but not really necessary. 11% don’t care.

I was on board with the red eyes until the cart titan also had them. No longer made any sense.

I don't get why Pieck's eyes are red when she's not a mindless being controlled by Zeke…

Like the red eyes but why does Pieck have them too.

WHICH SCENE FROM THE PREVIEW ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO? 530 Responses

Perhaps unsurprisingly, over half of the fandom is most hyped to see the Eren vs. Reiner showdown in Shiganshina. Although not far behind, 28% of respondents are excited about Erwin’s badass unhooding moment as he challenges Reiner.

THUNDER SPEARS FOR NEXT CHAPTER!!!!!!!!!!

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE?

Even though I totally know what will happen, the episode is written and directed in a way I still get goosebumps and forget I actually know what will happen. And the music, oh god. That's amazing. These two together have a really good effect.

I need the next one RIGHT NOW.

AAAAAHH!!!!

It was an introduction episode, so imo, it's just there to put the basis for the rest of the season. There was a good balance between the "emotionally charged" scenes and the more quiet ones, all this accompanied with an increasing tension in the background.

I wish theyd reanimated the scene of armin talking to eren about the opening instead of just reusing the animation from season 1.

that Zeke smile is like : hey there, i am here to euthanize you all. Love it !

I'm buying tickets into denial islaaand, bye, bye!

Airpipes. AIRPIPES. p.s. cracking soundtrack

Reiner has been enjoying himself some Marley protein, he extra swole now.

Armin was the MVP

PIECK!!!

I don't like the fact that WiT decided to spoil a lot. Some anime onlies already have guessed that Armin is going to be burned and then will become the next CT. So the serumbowl won't be as emotional and exciting for them anymore. I don't understand why WiT decided to do such thing. Don't they want anime-onlies to enjoy the show?

Exactly as expected you'll find a strange titan next to the beasty

I love Mikasa’s improved design and hope they show more of her working in a team like the manga. Focusing on the mission ect without pandering

RIP nameless soldier killed by Reiner.

Very happy to get a glimpse at best girl Pieck

Really no questions about our exactly right girl in this poll ? I am dissapointed :/

Watching this episode is bringing back all the suspense and awe I felt when I read this part in the manga. What a treat to be able to relive it!

They did a great job at keeping the tension and the "well shit everything's about to go wrong" from chapters 73 and 74, and managed to make the explosion at the end worth it, despite the fact I still think Reiner's continued survival throughout the arc is stupid and wish the anime had changed it so it'd be more believable, but here we are.

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 514 Responses

Thank you to everyone who participated! We’ll see you again in a few days!

#snk poll #snk polls #snk spoilers #snk s3 #poll results

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dyochpcpj · 3 years ago

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I truly don't think I'll be able to love someone.

I want to have a lover so badly but it sucks that I'm more obsessed with the idea of being loved, having stability and consistency and just in general having someone there for you.

I want someone to tell me that I'm allowed to feel upset, that I've done enough, that I'll be okay because nobody ever told me that, or maybe they did but I never believed them.

I want physical intimacy so bad but doing it with anyone even friends makes me tense up so much, so I figure if I have a lover, someone who I'm so comfortable to be in a relationship with, I would be able to believe what they tell me, I would feel safe with them.

And I loath that I'll probably be more in love with that then with my lover.

I want a hug so bad from my imaginary lover, and not just any hug but a hug where I can loosen every muscle in my body, and simply melt into it because I feel so, so, safe.

I want to feel loved.

I want to feel safe.

I want to feel okay.

But at the same time would anyone ever love me?

Would I even be a good partner if someone does?

Is it okay for me to even have a partner and have a chance of feeling happy?

Every relationship I imagine for myself always end in a break up because I can find so many things wrong with me, so many reasons why I'm a horrible partner and why it would never work out.

All these expectations of what I think a lover would be will probably make me overthink and mess it up.

All my issues and insecurities make my head blow up with so much thoughts and feelings.

I lash out so much, I dont ask for help because I hate it, I just sweep all my problems under the rug.

I make light of my issues and laugh it off because I dont know how to deal with it, and if people try to probe and ask what's wrong, I'll just push them away.

Because this is my own issue right?

Why should I worry them needlessly over me, they have their own problems to deal with.

I'm pathetic for not being able to solve my own.

And its foul how I love their needless worry.

I love the attention, the sympathy, the care.

Hell, I'll even take pity.

Because its nice to know someone cares, its fucking addictive and fucking sad how I cling onto that sliver of attention.

I'm so pitiful and so hurt please coddle me, take care of me and spoil me.

I fucking hate myself.

The irony of not wanting help even though I cant live without help is disgusting.

All this problems with myself and I can't even take the initiative to solve them because i don't know how, but I push away anyone who wants to help even though I need it.

Fuck, maybe this is where I get my size kink from.

Because having someone bigger than me as my lover feels safe.

They're big enough to wrap me in a full and warm embrace, to cover every inch of my skin, to make sure I don't get hurt.

I want to feel loved so badly.

But I don't think I deserve to feel loved.

I don't think anyone can love me for who I truly am when I don't even know myself, when I constantly portray myself differently with different people and when I don't open up completely even with close friends.

I wish I could just not overthink so much.

I'm so scared of people leaving me even though i push them away.

I'll probably be clingy, and emotionally draining to be around I always wonder if my friends even like me.

Am I fun to be around? Am I funny enough, entertaining enough, interesting enough to stay around?

I'm constantly being absurd and saying dumb things because I'm scared if I stay quiet for too long or not do anything intriguing at least, I'm not worth staying around.

I hate myself so much I want to die.

But the desire to feel loved and safe is just a millimetre stronger that I'm still staying alive.

And that's fucking pathetic.

0 notes

herequeeranfulloffear · 6 years ago

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My boyfriends family is the fucking worst. His sister gave MY cat Ibuprofen, which btw is fucking toxic to animals especially cats, without asking, told me she gave him 3/4 of an 800mg pill (200mg can be lethal to a cat) and disnt understand why I had full blown panic attack and started yelling at her. Apparently their mom gives their cats little tiny pieces cut off a tablet when theyre sick(she used to be a vet so I have no fucking clue why shed think its okay). Turns out she only gave him a little sliver but Im still pissed cause she disnt wven ask me if it was okay if she gave it to him. She just made him take it. Like what the fuck??? And now his mom hates me even more than she did, said she doesnt want me eating her food or anything, said she done "trying to be nice" (she constantly calls me a slut and a whore and all this shit even tho her daughter dresses the EXACT same sometimes w even more revealing clothes(I have bigger tits than both of them and Ive heard them bitch about how slutty I look trying to wear crop tops cause of it)) But now I cant eat, my cat keeps throwing up and I have no.money to take him to the vet because me and my boyfriend went to the doctor Wednesday and they told us the total would be about 400$ ( had to be paid then, wouldnt do a payment plan) and the ACTUAL total was 511$ so we have no money for anything after bills and rent to his mom. We HAD 10$ to last us til the fucking 22nd and his sister stole it. So Im sitting her with a sick cat, my stomach hurting and feeling like its eating itself cause Im so fucking hungry, trying to figure out wjat to do cause his mom basically told us she doesnt want us here anymore and that shes tired of my slutty ass wlaking around in shorts and bralettes "teasing" her boyfriend (its fucking hot and her boyfriend, while nice, is gross and not my type. And I have a boyfriend so wtf) Ive been crying nonstop since last night cause I have no fucking clue what to fuckikng do right now. Im so hungry and anxious I cant think straight. Im terrified to go downstairs cause I dont want to be yelled at more. Were going to move into my parents but we cant right away so for the next few days Im stuck with nothing to eat, no money to get food or take care of my cat, and in a house full of people who hate me for reasons I have no idea about other than being upset that my bfs sister gave my cat LETHAL MEDICATION THAT COULD HAVE KILLED HIM. Im pretty sure it made him sicker too cause he seems wortlse today than yesterday. I have no fucking clue what Im doing or what I did to his family to make thembhate my guts so fuckijng much but I cant take it I feel like Im fucking dyung of starvation. And usually Id smoke a bowl or something to helpwith my anxiety but we have nothing to smoke and I dont have any ciggarettes and Im compeltely out of vape juice with no way to get more so all my ways of dealing with my anxiety are gone and my boyfriend isnt here and Ive been crying to myself all fucking day waiting for him to get off work cause I ccant deal wuth this shit anymore. Ive had the strongest urges to start cutting again that Ive had in years its never been this bad Im so scared Im going to fall back to cutting and I dont want to do that I dont want to hurt myself anymore but all my other coping means are gone and Im just sad and scared and alone

#shut up arilyn #i hate this house so fucking much #i dont know what i did

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apenapaperandadoofus · 4 years ago

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AIGHT SO I’m like super high on caffeine and chocolate rn so I mighty write a lil Christmas one shot (it’s still December let me be pft)

But first a lil song I found a few days ago and has been stuck in my head ñon stop!

It’s from a musical called 35MM, they make up songs and stories from photos this one guy took, they’re amazing!

The song of called “Leave Luannne”

Warnings! There are mentions of abuse, r*pe, and such! So if you feel uncomfortable by that please don’t read this!

Now on to the song;:

Luanne's fat lip is drying, The bastard's bacon frying, The shiner on her eye's gone bust and bleeding. He shouts, "Girl, set the table!" But he knows she ain't able. Her arm's done broke, Hung limp like yolk,

AHHH we get the picture pretty clear from the beginning. i can always imagine Luanne on the floor, all bruised up and close to tears....

And softly she's repeating...

"Leave, Luanne. Why don't you march out that door? Southern woman, he ain't no good to you. Leave, Luanne. Louisiana wants war, But it's you dying on her ruby plains."

And yet, loyal Luanne remains. Ever since he got him laid off, His sanity's just made off. No, he was never nice, but now he's cruel.

So first, ahhhhfhrjehrn THE VIOLINS ARE AMAZING AND THE VOCALS TOO also we can see why Luanne doesnt leave the dude. I can see her internal debate, telling herself to leave but not being able to.

He rapes her, and he beats her, She don't 'fess how he treats her, 'Cause a Bible verse Says it won't get worse, And she won't be a fool. "You won't never leave, Luanne,

And then theres this part about the bible, i dont exactly know what verse theyre talking about, but we see that Luanne is super religious, which makes her internal debate even harder. Should she leave or stay? She has been taught probably her whole life with that idea, and probably doesnt want to end up in hell due to her beliefs and what she’s been told.

'Cause if you walk out that door His truck will be gunning for you.

No, you won't leave, Luanne, Or he'll give you 'What for?' You got heart where you should have had brains."

This part always makes me sad bc Luanne may still love that asshole, which sucks, but she still does and is pretty loyal to him makes it even harder for her to make a decision too

And so, loyal Luanne remains. Someone's howling, Screams like sighing with battered breath Grating, growling, Never dying In a fate worse than death. But months of such conditions Turn laymen to logicians And tonight the bastard's sleeping like a log. So she plucks the kitchen cleaver,

Creeps up toward his roped-up lab retriever,

DUDE I THOUGHT SHE WAS GONNA KILL THE DOG AND I ALMOST CRIEDD AHHH

AND THE VIOLINS MAKE THE TENSION AMAZING. It makes you so nervous about whats going to happen. You can imagine Luanne finally making a decision, tired of everything. Its dark at night and she slowly makes her way to the kitchen, trying so quietly to not wake him up.

And she cuts the rope, And hope on hope, She starts to shout, "Your dog's got out!" She's got her chance. With no back glance She runs out to the bog, Screaming, screaming: "Leave, Luanne!" "Leave, Luanne. You've got a life left to live In a house hanging off the Golden Coast! Leave, Luanne. You won't forget nor forgive, " And she don't feel the stings, the rips, and scrapes As finally Luanne escapes.

And the way you can FEEL the tension, the way you can see her running and your heart starts speeding up, wishing she can escape, that she can lead a better and happier life, shes doing her best, not feeling the pain. You can tell how desperate she is. You can see her running through the woods, leaves and branches getting tangled in her hair, sometimes cutting her, but she still keeps going due through sheer determination, ignoring how her feet hurt and how much shes running out of breath. All the way through shes making a promise to herself, that she will NEVER let go what the asshole did to her.

Swim, Luanne! Swim, Luanne! And in the swamp of beeches, Oh, as the preacher preaches, As the light In the night Holds through the marsh and brushes As the blood inside you rushes Left and right, Hold on tight—

And then you can feel the hope, the relief that she has managed to get out, the violins making a sort of country dancey song (?) pft and youre like YAS GIRL RUN AND LIVDE YOUR LIFE its amazing, its so happy from the depressing music we heard before, Luanne gets out of the place, some people help her, she becomes happy again, meeting people and dancing all night at parties, maybe she even finds someone new and starts dating them, having a new life with someone who loves her....but then....

—Until you reach the bank And you crawl onto the bank, 'Til you feel a little yank on your hair And, stricken, stare at the bastard Who beat you there.

DUDE THIS PART. THIS. PART. I CANNOT EXPRESS THE WAY MY HEART BROKE. YOU JUST START FEELING THAT EVERYTHING IS ALRUGHT, THAT SHES MADE IT, ONLY TO FIND THT THE BASTARD FUCKING MADE IT BEFORE HER. AH DUDE. THE INSTRUMENTS. THE WAY YOU CAN FEEL THE SADNESS IN THE SINGERS VOICE. AND THE WAY IT GETS SET UP, OH BOY I DIDNT, I LITERALLY SCREECHED THE FIRST TIME I HEARD IT. I SERIOUSLY CANT EXPLAIN HOW GENIUS THIS IS SO FREAKING AHH THE GUITAR, THE VIOLINS JESUS CHRIST

the guy just yanks her hair and gives her a horrible smirk, and Luanna can only look in horror, her heart breaking and all her dreams vanishing as she realizes that she...she didnt make it.

The bastard lies in bed now, Half-sad his wife is dead now. She drowned herself in a swamp in wild despair.

I actually want to know wether if he killed her, or if she killed herself. To make it more angsty i like to think she actually drowned herlsef, because its so heartbreaking to see how her hopes die and she just...gives up. Gosh its so friggen, ahhhh. Once Luanne sees the guy she shrieks and tries to pull away, falling backwards. Either the bastard hit her, or something but she ends up being paralyzed and unable to move. She reacts desperatly but the bastard refuses to help, and then she slowly gives up, letting the water fill her lungs, and slowly closing her eyes and accepting her faith.

He thinks he used to love her, But push it came to shove her, A wife disposed, A wife case closed, And no one seems to care,

DUDE THIS GUY AGHHH

And the violins are amazing. He doesnt care. No one knows shes dead. Luanne is left without no one there to remember her, to grieve her. Its just....so heartbreaking.

To grieve Luanne. Now no one's on his shoulder, But his mattress don't feel colder,

And in fact, it's hellish hot, and the air is dank and steaming. Yet his body starts to shiver When the window cracks a sliver And a fiery fog From the miry bog Pours in the room In a sticky gloom And there the man Sees dead Luanne.

DUUUUDE DUDE LISTEN TO THE VIOLINS HOLY DIDDLY FUCK GODDAMN THIS IS AMAZING LUANNE GO GET HIM GIRL.

Luanne makes her way to the house, fulfilling her promise of getting her revenge, of not forgiving the asshole for everything he did. And then, when she gets there, dripping, the bastard only stares.

He's terrified, But he keeps his pride, 'Cause he knows that he ain't dreaming. And he starts screaming, "Leave, Luanne. Hell sent you back here for more, 'Cause ain't no one ever loved you."

THIS, THISSSSS. ITS BY FAR MY FAVORITE PART. When hes the one telling her to leave, when its HIM. Just- the nerve of this man. And i know i keep saying this byt LISTEN TO THE VIOLINS. They are perfect, the tension, the way they just- the way they make you feel, the way they always give you shivers and make you go oh fuck shits about to go down.

He is just cockily smirking trying to act as if hes not afraid. And then he has the audacity to tell her to LEAVE. The thing shes been trying to do for so long, but now...its too late. Her eyes widen in rage and she stands straight, lifting her chin and glaring at him.

But said Luanne, "I've come to settle a score, " And she shows him her feet are bound in chains.

Shes stuck there. But this time, the roles are reversed. This time Luanne will be the one feared. She will now hold the power.

And loyal Luanne remains And remains And remains And remains!

AND THE REMAINS. GOD ITS AMAZING, NOW INSTEAD OF LEAVING SHE JUST STAYS WHEN SHE WANTED TO LEAVE AND I- THE REMAINS MAKE IT SOUND SO FUCKING GOOD, IT SAYS SHE IS STILL LOYAL AHHH

I like to think that shes also got it stuck in her head that she cant leave, and shes now torturing the bastard by STAYING, the way it just changes fro, what it was at the beginning, HOLY SHIT AHH. And as the remains get louder she gets angrier and the room start getting hotter and hotter, and Luanne just smiles and you see the bastard cowering more and more in fear.

Someone's howling, Screams like sighing With battered breath. Grating, growling, Never dying In a fate worse than death. Luanne, She cries her miserable wail So the bastards will never sleep again!

And she is CRYING. Tears make their way down her face, crying and asking how dare he, why would he, all she wanted was to be happy.

No, no reprieve, Luanne, She brings their souls down to hell, A caution to the cruelest of men: God loves Luanne! Praised be! Amen!

The ending is so good, she gets her revenge, makes the guy regret what shes done. i always imagine the whole place setting in fire and Luanne getting angrier and angrier, thr bastard finally realizing what the hell hes actually done. This is amazing, i love this song so much. Not only the story but also the way you can imagine and feel everything. this song is so freaking good istg

Theyre in HELL. She used to be so religious, and thats the fate she didnt want. She never wanted to be in hell, yet there she is, getting her revenge. I dont know if God went like aight here ya go gurl, get your revenge, or smth like DAMN, so good.

In conclusion, amazing song, so good, i swearrr. This musical is amazing, they have other amazing songs like Sarah Berry, or Piece of Me.

Some of them range from being depressing, to adorable, to HILAROUS like Caralee lmfao that one is amazing lol

I really hope yall take a listen hehe, im sorry for rambling so much, im just trying to keep myself distracted from everything going on at home and with my dog. Hope yall have a good day and ill write more things, I promise!

#api talks #musicals #35mm musical

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sydneyis-crazy-blog · 7 years ago

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My Creative Outlet

Okay... so hi. My name is Sydney. I like to write and I guess this will be like a public journal. I want to use this as a way to vent and also maybe help other people who are going through similar situations.

I’ll start by telling you guys about my family life first. So, basically my dad and mom are divorced. Most families have divorced parents now, but I never really expected mine to split. Like 2 years ago, a new family, the Miles, moved to Maryland and started going to out school. Their oldest boy, Vinnie, was in my brother, Trent’s, class. They also had a younger boy named Vito. Denise and John, their parents became friends with my parents. After a while, we were basically going to each others’ house every weekend and hanging out all the time. Denise became my mom‘s best friend. Denise and John were starting to have problems so eventually they got divorced. Not long after, my parents started to have issues too. They would fight, but always behind locked doors. It was nothing at first, but they would fight more often. My dad would leave our house at night and sleep at my grandparents. He cut off any interactions with my mom’s side of the family too. My dad soon started to stay at Denise’s house but didn't tell my mom or me. Denise was renting a small, one-story house that was pretty crappy. When my dad was staying there, my mom started to get really depressed. She wasn't telling anyone what was wrong though. She was constantly doing things to try to save their marriage, but nothing was working; my dad had fallen in love with Denise. No matter what my mom did, he would always go to Denise. My dad rarely came home anymore. He would pick me and my brother up from school, then take us out to eat, drop us off, then leave. One time, he took us to Denise’s house, even though my mom told him not to. My mom was infuriated! She yelled at him and they ran around the house(in the snow) screaming at each other. It was awful! I cried myself to sleep that night thinking my dad didn't love us anymore.

The afternoon everything changed was like a Lifetime movie. My mom was holding her emotions inside and built a wall saying she was fine when she wasn't. Her depression built up and she couldn't take it anymore. She left two suicide notes on the kitchen counter. My dad picked us up from school and drove to our house. He walked inside, read the letters, and walked back outside. I wasn't supposed to read them, but I did. One letter held her jewelry and the other explained why she was doing this. She said that it was all just too much and she couldn't handle it anymore. I was devastated. My dad called my mom’ s parents and my aunts. They didn't know where she was either. My dad called the police and his parents. The sheriff showed up right before my granddad took us to his house. My dad didn't want us around any of that. Luckily, the sheriff was able to track down my mom’s phone. She was apparently in a motel and had taken a lot of pills. They were able to get her to the hospital where she stayed for a couple days. She was able to recover very fast and she is now happier than ever.

My dad, however, still didn't see that his decisions were that bad. Him and my mom got divorced over that summer. He officially moved out of my mom’s house and took a lot of our stuff out. He moved in with Denise and made me and Trent room there. We had to stay at Denise’s(now my dad’s too) house while my mom was in the hospital. We had six people living in an one-story, one-shower house! It was so cramped and everyone was invading my privacy. I would stay in my room for hours and my dad would have to pry me out of my bed sometimes. It was so awkward. And anything I said to him about how I didn't like Denise or her kids or the house, he would tell her and then shed get really mad at me. It wasn't my fault she stole my dad way from me! It always felt like a competition for his attention with her. I would cry every night alone in the shower, hoping someone would knock to see if I was okay. Her kids, Vinnie and Vito, were no help either. It was a living hell! They would scream and make up lies about me and my brother, or complain about nothing. It was torturous! Towards the end of living there, we got a great dane named Lola. She was cool, but we had to give her away because she was so big. There were six people and a freaking great dane living in this tiny ass house! It was terrible!

Obviously, we need to move. My dad and Denise found a house and moved all our stuff there without us knowing. They surprised us about two Christmases ago with it. I don't know why, but seeing that house made me feel empty inside. It made me realize that they wanted to build their lives together. (Oh, let me just add that Denise is 12 years younger than my dad, so I think she’s just using him for money.) My dad made me come out of my room more often which made me angry and upset. He was forcing me to be a perfect goddamn daughter, but we don't have a perfect goddamn life! We had been living there for about 3 months before things really started to turn bad. I was turning 12 so I was already in a weird stage. My dad was being mean verbally and Denise constantly made me feel like shit. I was beginning to become depressed.

There were a couple other reasons I was feeling depressed too. My teacher was a giant dick-wad. I wasn't very happy with my weight. Boys at school were treating me bad( not for a particular reason, they were just assholes). My face was breaking out. Vinnie and Vito were being super awful. I didn't have a lot of friends and the ones I did have were pretty shitty. Everything was just bad. I didn't really fell “suicidal”, but all my thoughts wrapped around the idea of it. I still cant even say that word without realizing how terrible I was being about it. I would tell one friend about and she would call me selfish. I stopped talking about it to her, but would secretly take pills or drink cough syrup just to see what would happen. Nothing terrible would ever occur, I would just be loopy the next day. One night, I took a pair of nail clippers and cut a small sliver off my wrist. It wasn't to big, but it was enough to bleed a bit. The next night, I had cut a lot more right on top of my vein. It gave me something else to worry about rather than all the other shit going on around me. A girl at school noticed and called my mom that night and then my mom called my dad and long story short, I wasn't cutting anymore. Every once in a while that thought would come back and it was a huge weight on my chest, but I never physically hurt myself. Mentally, I would call myself names or curse at my thoughts. I hated the way my brain was working. I started seeing a counselor and was put on medication so now I am super better and a lot happier.

Sure, life for me is still pretty shit. I'm just happy I'm not thinking bad thoughts anymore. I found an amazing group of friends who support me and help me and my teacher this year is pretty awesome. Yeah, I do still have the other dick-wad teacher, but I try not to let him affect me or my day. I honestly think that everyone should just be nice to one another. If you just smile at someone, you could save their lives. “You are a human with one life, and its up to you to make it the best life you can”

-Sydney (thx for reading- i’ll post a lot more if you all want :p)

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