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roseghoul26 · 5 months ago

Note

Hello! I would like to request Cooper Howard x gn!reader (post war, because...murderous cowboy...hnnngh), where they struggle with mental health issues like depression? I've been in a really tough spot, having no energy or motivation to do anything or really any desire to take care of myself. So I was thinking, maybe the reader's mental health is declining, they're slower and sloppier when it comes to keeping up with Cooper and he's more and more frustrated. Then one day he has enough (maybe the reader is taking too long packing up) and threatens to leave them and they're just...passive, because they really don't care anymore about what happens to them. So he realises they haven't been taking care of themselves properly for a while now and then some soft moments with him? I know this is pretty dark and you can change this however you'd like, but I'm dying for some hurt/comfort with this man 🥺 It's totally cool if it's too much for you, if you decide to not write this, please just let me know, so I don't wait for it. Thank you so much, I love your Cooper fics <3

Cooper Howard | The Ghoul x gn!Reader

Synopsis: You’ve been struggling lately, putting both you and your traveling companion in danger. He was bound to confront you about it eventually. Tags: Prompt Request, Not Beta Read, Gender Neutral Reader, Depression, Mental Health, Mentions of Suicide, Disagreements, Comfort, Lazy Day, Cuddling, Beginning Relationships Author's Note: Trigger warning for topics relating to mental health, such as depression and suicide. Please do not read if you’re not in a good mental space. Take care of yourselves. Also, everyone��s experience with depression and mental health issues differs, so I am writing this story the way I experience it. Also, this was a fun challenge to write. Like how the hell would he approach a topic like this? It’s been fun to explore his character like that, and I hope I did it justice. Thank you so much for the request! <333

You used to be able to keep up with the Ghoul.

Wherever he went, you followed, tearing through the Wastleland without hindrance. You watched his back, and he yours, a security that was unheard of in this world. It was a trusting friendship, bordering on something else, something that neither of you had crossed yet. You couldn't compete with over a hundred years of experience with a gun, but you were able to hold your own quite well. You were a decent shot and someone who never let anyone get the drop on you, senses always sharp.

So when you started missing easy targets and found yourself surprised by opponents one too many times, you knew it was a matter of time before the Ghoul started asking questions and not believing the first lie that you said. The first time it had happened, you blamed it on your lack of sleep, and he seemed to buy it. And maybe you convinced yourself it was just a lack of sleep, ignoring the darkness that had begun to emerge in your mind. You just needed to rest, was what you told yourself.

It happened again a few days later, completely missing a target in front of you. Your reactions had begun to slow down, too, unable to avoid the swing of a blade, cutting across your cheek. It was like your body gave up on wanting to move, an unbearable weariness to your muscles that you were unable to shake. Later, as you bandaged the wound on your cheek, the Ghoul confronted you, demanding to know why you were acting so sloppy. You’d merely shrugged, offering up the idea that you were sick. This time he seemed less convinced, yet he had let the matter go.

You knew why you were acting the way you were. You weren’t unfamiliar with depression, far from it. It was something you’d dealt with your entire life, coming and going like waves. You’d go days, weeks, months and you’d be fine, but then a flip would switch. You’d lose your energy, your motivation, wanting nothing more than to just lay on the ground and never get back up. You’d stop taking care of your body. You’d lose your appetite. Your thoughts would turn dark, ideations and ideas flashing in your mind, things that you’d never tell another soul.

For the months you’d been traveling with the Ghoul, you’d been able to keep a reign on your depression. Sure, you had your off days, but nothing like this. It was like the universe was punishing you for having such an excellent past months.

But how could you explain this to your traveling partner? How could you explain that you didn’t have the energy to continue existing, to continue fighting? He needed you to be alert, to not have your thoughts occupied with something, that in perspective to the Wasteland around you, was trivial.

So you kept your mouth shut, forcing yourself to appear alert and unaffected. You forced those thoughts to the back of your mind. You forced your body to move, no matter how much it screamed at you to just be still.

But it seemed that all that bottling your thoughts up did was make it worse. As the days dragged on, you stopped talking, only muttering small words whenever the Ghoul asked you a question. You’d normally spend the time traveling conversing, and the Ghoul did try to initiate a conversation with you, but no amount of questions and joking and jabs could get you to break. Eventually, he fell quiet too.

Sleeping became a challenge. You’d think with how exhausted your body felt, you’d be able to sleep easily, but the opposite was true. Hours would tick by, and you’d lie awake, getting up the next morning more exhausted than before you went to bed. Your face, already a bit gaunt from living such a difficult life, had grown even more so, the circles around your eyes darkening and your lips growing more chapped.

You stopped eating, turning away the food he offered you. After you went a few days without eating more than a bite, he practically forced spoonfuls of food into your mouth, snapping at you the entire time. It was humiliating, but you couldn’t bring yourself to change. You just wanted to be done.

You could tell that your demeanor was starting to annoy the hell out of the Ghoul, whose words had turned shorter and snappier. If you took too long, he’d grab you by the shoulder and drag you along, like an upset parent with their child. Your cheeks would burn every time, tears pickling your eyes, and you’d hang your head.

There was a tension growing between you and the Ghoul, your friendship growing thin. His guard was up constantly, unable to trust you any longer to watch his back, which hurt you more than any knife or gun. Soft glances disappeared, his gaze scrutinizing when he looked at you. Light touches from him reserved for when you were at rest were no more, as you chose to keep to yourself every night. Instead of walking side-by-side, you’d linger a few feet behind him. You pretended like it was easier this way, to make him push you away, but it was tearing you apart.

But eventually, that tension snapped. Too many close calls, too many sluggish movements, too many half-hearted excuses finally made him break. You’d just gotten up for the day, another sleepless night behind you, and you were packing up your few belongings. You must’ve been taking too long, because you heard him sigh audibly, standing in the open doorway of the room you’d sheltered in for the night. “What’s your fuckin’ issue?” He growled, arms crossed tight over his chest.

You looked up, feigning confusion. “I dunno what-”

“Bullshit,” he cut you off. He began to walk towards you, his steps methodical, threatening. “You’ve been actin’ like this for weeks, and you’ve only offered me half-assed excuses.” He was seething, and understandably so. He crouched down in front of you, rendering you unable to escape. “So, you,” he stuck a finger in your chest, barely avoiding hitting you, “are gonna tell me why. And don’t even think ‘bout lyin’, sweetheart.”

You swallowed, heart hammering in your chest at the confrontation. Words flooded your mind, a full explanation on the tip of your tongue, yet you just couldn’t bring yourself to utter it. Your mouth opened and closed, struggling, until you eventually just gave up. Sighing, you just shook your head, which pissed him off even more.

A disbelieving laugh left him, and he ran a gloved hand over his face. “No? You’re kiddin’ me, right?” He didn’t wait for a response. “Ya know, I’ve tried to be lenient. I bought into your fuckin’ lies that you were ‘just tired’, ‘just sick’. I tried to give ya space, to give ya time to get out of this. But you’re gonna get us both killed if ya don’t fix yourself. I can’t be distracted out there, constantly worried ‘bout you and keepin’ you alive, ‘cause it seems like that’s the last thing on your mind.”

He took a breath, steadying his rising voice. “So I’m gonna give ya one more chance to explain yourself, or else I’m leavin’ without ya.”

“Then leave.” Your response came almost immediately, your voice lacking any inflection. Even though in the back of your mind you were screaming at him not to leave, you kept an air of indifference about you, unable to make yourself care. It would be easier if he just left, wouldn’t it? You wouldn’t be putting anyone else in danger, and you wouldn’t have to deal with the guilt you felt of him worrying about you so much. And it would be so much easier to just disappear if there was no one looking for you.

He wasn’t expecting that as a response if the look on his face told you anything. His brow muscles were raised, leaning back from you in shock. But the way he was watching you, it was like he was observing you in a different light, dots beginning to connect in his mind. “You’ll die out there without me.”

You merely shrugged your shoulders, glancing down to continue packing your belongings, no longer able to look him in the eye. He didn’t respond, simply standing up with a sigh. You didn’t look up, not even as you heard him walk away, backing towards the entrance of the room. You didn’t look up, even as you heard the surprisingly gentle click of the door as it shut. You didn’t look up, even as the tears that you’d been holding for the past weeks finally fell.

You were alone.

You thought it would make you feel better like there would be a weight lifted off your shoulders. But everything just felt heavier, the thoughts in your mind becoming a tempest, making you physically weak. Expletives tumbled from your lips as you sagged down onto your arms, head hung. Of course, he’d fucking leave, you idiot. No one wants to deal with your moping.

A part of you wanted to chase after him, to beg him to stay, but you already felt pathetic enough. You couldn’t blame him for leaving, not at all. You were weighing him down, putting his life in danger; he said so himself. He could only deal with you for so long. You should be grateful that he didn’t leave sooner.

The sound of rustling fabric made you jump, finally looking up. The Ghoul had taken off his jacket, laying it across the back of the couch he had slept on, never having left the room at all. Stunned, you watched him sit, taking his hat off in the process and setting it on the floor. He finally caught your eye then, a soft look on his face, a look you hadn’t seen in a long while.

“I thought you left,” you whispered, sitting back upright. Embarrassment warmed your cheeks, and you tried to wipe the tears that had fallen on them.

“I ain’t leavin’ ya, sweetheart.”

“Why not?”

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Do you want me to go?” You’d never shaken your head faster in your life. “Then I’m stayin’.”

“But why?”

He sighed. “‘Cause I care ‘bout you. I… Is that too hard to believe?”

It is. Unable to find words, you just shrugged again.

Something akin to regret or remorse flashed across his face, and muttering something under his breath he reclined against the couch. He was upset, but even now you could tell it was not because of you, at least not fully. “C’mere,” he murmured, patting the couch beside him. “You look like you’re gonna fuckin’ bolt at any second.”

Taking a steadying breath, you complied, albeit with some difficulty, your legs barely wanting to function. His gaze didn’t leave you once, as much as you wished it would, making you want to collapse in on yourself. The walk to the couch felt like it was miles long, but you eventually made your way over to it and him.

He rolled his eyes when you just stood there in front of him, unsure of what to do with yourself. “Sit down, I ain’t gonna fuckin’ bite.” In another situation, you knew he’d add some comment like unless ya want me to, but he bit his tongue. The couch groaned as you sat next to the Ghoul, keeping a foot between your bodies. “Talk to me,” he commanded, yet his voice was gentle. “What the hell’s goin’ on?”

You picked at the skin around your nails, no doubt drawing blood. “I’m… I’m not quite sure how to explain it,” you responded, and you expected your words to upset the man even more. But he nodded his head slowly, an almost understanding look on his face. “I’m just… done."

“Done with… what? Bein’ out on the road?” You shook your head. “Travellin’ with me?” You shook your head again, this time more vehemently. “Done with what?” You knew that he knew the answer to his question, but he wanted you to say it.

“I’m done with… with existing. I just can’t bring myself to care anymore. I’m just so tired of it all.” You sagged back against the couch like speaking took a toll on your body. “I’m so tired.”

He didn’t respond for a while, mulling over your words. “That… that explains a lot,” he chuckled humourlessly. “Your mind won’t just leave ya the hell alone, will it? It's like all your mind can focus on are these terrible fuckin’ things, no matter what ya do. And it just weighs on ya, like a million pounds, getting worse with every passin’ day until you just wanna… give up.”

He explained it perfectly, and you cocked your head to the side, a bit confused about how he was able to do so. “I ain’t a stranger to what you’re goin’ through. We’re well fuckin’ acquainted, to say the least. So I shoulda recognized it sooner with ya.”

He paused, sighing. “Wanna know somethin’?” You nodded. “I was too busy thinkin’ ‘bout what I did to upset ya that I didn’t bother to think of any other possible reason as to why you’re actin’ the way you are. But once I realized it wasn’t my fault, not entirely, instead of bein’ there for ya, I was an ass. I thought, because I’m a damn idiot, that you were just mopin’ around for the hell of it, putting us both in danger simply ‘cause you were tired or some shit. Not once did I stop to think why. And I apologize.”

“You don’t gotta-” He cut you off with a pointed look. “I… I accept your apology, then.”

He nodded slowly, content. “I’d like to help ya, sweetheart. I know nothin’ I say or do is gonna make it go away like that… but I’d like to try. Whatever ya need from me, and you’ve got it.”

“I’m not sure what I need exactly,” you admitted quietly.

“When ya figure it out, will ya let me know?” You nodded.

“Just… be patient. As difficult as that is for you.” You hadn’t meant for the jab to come out, but you weren’t taking it back. Especially when a loud laugh left the Ghoul, making a smile of your own appear on your face. It was faint, yet it was there.

An almost starstruck expression appeared on his face, his laughter dying out. “I missed seein’ ya smile,” he murmured as if it was a subconscious thought.

You ducked your head, making him laugh again. “As for bein’ patient, well, I can be that, if that’s what ya need.”

“It’ll take some time,” you cautioned again, indirectly giving him a chance to back out of this.

“Time ain’t an issue. I’ll wait as long as it fuckin’ takes.”

“You mean it?” Your voice was so soft, barely audible to either of you.

You watched as one of his gloved hands inched towards you, palm upturned. Tentatively, you placed your in his, eyes growing wide when he brought your hand to his lips, kissing the back of it gently. “I swear,” he uttered, sealing the promise with another press of his lips.

As you returned your tingling hand to your lap, his eyes scanned over your face, a furrow appearing between his brow. “How long has it been since you’ve eaten somethin’? Somethin’ that I didn’t force ya to eat,” he added when you opened your mouth to respond.

Your silence said enough, and he leaned down to his bag, which he had placed beside the couch when he sat. After a few moments of rustling through, he handed you a small bag of what appeared to be jerky, as well as a small canteen of water. “It ain’ human,” he added when you eyed the bag suspiciously before taking it.

The jerky was salty and tough when you took a bite, not quite wanting to, but unable to not eat under his gaze. You ate in silence until your stomach was full and your teeth hurt from the tough material. Taking a swig of water, you could feel your eyes growing heavy, eating seemingly draining your energy more than replenishing it. Stifling a yawn, you shoved the canteen back into his hand, and you noticed he had an almost pleased look on his face.

You were confused, though, when he stood, making his way to the entrance of the room. For a moment, those thoughts flashed in your mind that told you that he was finally leaving, that he realized how pathetic you were. But instead of doing any of those things, you watched as he simply wedged a chair under the handle of the door, like he had done before you went to bed for the night.

“What’re you doing?”

“We takin’ the day off. Doctor’s orders.”

“But aren’t we supposed to be in Filly in a few days?”

“We’ll be fine. You are gonna spend today catchin’ up on some much-needed rest.” He stood in front of you now, a moth-eaten blanket in his hands.

“And what are you gonna do?” You asked, and he shrugged.

“Don’t worry ‘bout me, sweetheart. Go ��head, lie down.”

Your eyes quickly scanned the couch, and you took a deep breath before speaking again. “The couch is big enough for us both, no?”

For the second time that day, you’d stunned him with your responses. “Is… is that what ya want?”

Encouraged that he hadn’t just outrightly said no, you nodded your head, and a fond look crossed his features. He handed you the blanket before sitting once more, but instead of his back being against the cushions, he rested it against one of the armrests, not before tucking a pillow in front of it.

Once he was situated, he opened up his arms to you, and you could’ve laughed at how uncertain he looked. Hands rested on your body when you laid down, head on his chest, laying on your stomach, and you made sure the blanket covered both your bodies as best you could. You weren’t too worried about covering all of you, though, with the sheer amount of warmth he was radiating.

His eyes were already on you when you glanced up, a smile pulling at his lips. “Comfy?”

“Yes.” Your voice was barely audible, but he heard it.

You felt his fidget with something in his hand behind your back, but you didn’t have to wait long to find out what he was doing. You felt fingers run along your scalp, making you shudder, before combing through any hair there. “Alright?”

You sighed contently, nodding your head before letting it fall back onto his chest. He continued to run his fingers there, his other hand tracing patterns across your shoulders. You hadn’t realized how tired you were until now, finding it hard to keep your eyes open. For the first time in a long time, you felt safe. Safe from the world outside this room. Safe from the thoughts that plagued your mind. Safe from everything.

He didn’t have to see your face to know that you were struggling to stay awake. “Go to bed. I’ll be here when you wake.”

“Promise?”

“Ain’t fuckin’ like I’m gonna be able to get up,” he chuckled, before taking a more serious tone. “I promise.”

That was all you needed to hear before you finally let the final strings of consciousness leave your grasp. Before you lost control of all your senses, though, you felt him lean down, pressing a barely-there kiss to the top of your head. “You’ll get through this, sweetheart.”

You believed him.

#the ghoul x you #the ghoul x reader #fallout tv series #cooper howard #cooper howard x you #cooper howard x reader #fallout prime #fallout show #fallout

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adilynnyuri · 17 days ago

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Hello yuri! I'm the one who asked you about revising my father's death. First of all, Thankyou so much for answering me and supporting me! I feel much better than earlier when I affirm for his aliveness but still I get triggered sometimes by circumstances and start to miss him again. But I think I should not supress my emotions too whenever I feel emotionally weak, I cry out so much, feel my emotions, miss him talk to him with his picture and again come back to my imagination, I think this doesn't affect my manifestation, right? Okay, so the final question is, that I always try to fullfill in my imagination and most of the time I do so, I don't care what other people say also my belief system has become stronger but the thing is I always affirm that " I always wake up and see my father alive, healthy and happy and while affirming this I go to sleep and expect that next morning I'll see my father again, but when I don't see him next morning; it triggers me so much that I don't want to even wake up and thoughts like I should suicide come into my minds and then It takes 2 or 3 hours to come back to my normal routine affirmation, how should I deal with this? Is it okay to feel like this? Please help me. Thankyou! Lots of love to you! 💕♥️

Hii love! 🤍

I am once again saying that I completely understand your situation!

But if you want your dad back, you can't take "no" As an answer. If your "3d" Reflects something you don't want it, it is just some bullshit. It is not real. It is real, if you accept the fact it is real.

I understand you are doing everything right but when you wake up, your dad isn't with you and it is triggering you.

AND NEVER EVER TALK ABOUT SUICIDAL THOUGHTS EVER!! YOU ARE MEANT TO BE HAPPY AND BLESSED EVERY SECOND OF YOUR LIFE!! NEVER EVER THINK OF SUICIDING MY LOVE, YOU ARE PRECIOUS AND A GEM FOR THIS WORLD!

I am always there in case of any problems! And also our community people are there for you!! Feel free to share your problems! We will respect you and your feelings totally ♡

Let me give you the same example,

if you write numbers from 1-10 in a note book as homework and you sleep at night being satisfied that you finished your homework and the next day when you wake up will the numbers you wrote in the notebook disappear and will you worry waking up thinking that if you wrote those numbers or not? I mean, it will disappear if you say it disappears. And of course sitting and worrying about something which is already done is also your decision. So if the homework (your desires) are already done, why are you "expecting" Or "worrying" That your desire hasn't yet come to you??

"But revising someone back alive is A BIG THING"

It's a big thing only if you say it's a big thing. "Revising anyone back to life is a piece of cake to me" Say this affirmation repeatedly even though YOU don't feel it/see any changes in your 3d. Affirm back against the "3d" If it "shows" You the complete opposite of what you wanted. If it triggers you, fuck that. It doesn't exist.

Things/people in this world exist only because you let them. THEY ARE EXISTING IN FRONT OF YOU, BECAUSE👏🏻YOU👏🏻ARE👏🏻ALLOWING 👏🏻THEM👏🏻TO👏🏻.

YOUR DESIRES ARE ALREADY THERE. YOU DO NOT NEED TO WORRY FOR ANYTHING. YOU ARE PRECIOUS. YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO GET SPOILED BY EVERY LITTLE THING YOU EVER WANTED. DON'T TAKE NO AS AN ANSWER. IT'S ALWAYS YES. YES YOUR DAD IS ALIVE! YES YOUR INCOME IS DOUBLED! YES WHATEVER YOU WANTED IS ALREADY THERE.

Why do you "expect" It to happen??? IT IS ALREADY DONE!!

I don't want to convey it as rude. It's just my reminder to you that,

You already have whatever you ever wanted. If you don't like what you are seeing, affirm, be still within, AND DON'T CHANGE YOURSELVES FOR ANYTHING! IT IS ALREADY DONE. DO NOT WORRY FOR ANYTHING! YOU ARE AN ANGEL! YOU ALREADY GOT WHAT YOU WANTED!!

With lots of love,

ADILYNN YURI🤍🌷

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theroseyhues · 9 months ago

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Tags, Why and how they are used.

(A Fandom PSA)

Alright, I have something to talk about. Tags. Tumblr tags are a way people can filter what they see. This means they can choose what to see and also what not to see. We all use them, and as social media users, we must properly tag things. I am sending this out to particularly the QSMP fandom since it is my current main fandom but this is the same across the site.

(This post was something I've been meaning to make since some of the issues with a certain former qsmp cc. That topic was incredibly triggering for many including myself and I was very discouraged by the lack of proper tagging over the situation. This is also a sort of guide for any new community members, especially with the new member set to arrive this Saturday and the fact that many qsmp admins are now on Tumblr and understandably may not want to see everything on here. I hope this will also serve as a reminder to anyone who sometimes forgets to properly tag. Please take care of yourselves and others as always <3)

What are tags and what are they used for? (the basics)

Tags are a feature on Tumblr and other forms of social media to distinguish between types of content. By many they are also used to hide certain triggering topics with tags such as "tw blood".

How can you block tags? Why?

blocking tags hides any posts labeled with that tag and you can block it by going to the main Tumblr settings and adding it to the "blocked tags list". You can block any topics you find triggering or that damage your experience on the platform. For example, I have certain blocked tags such as "Fandom crit", "NSFW", "/neg", and "Qsmp neg". I have blocked these tags and others for the simple reason that I find the posts labeled with these tags make me upset and can ruin my experience in the fandom or while watching content. Doing this is not avoiding a topic, it is not being "closed-minded", it is simply improving your mental health by choosing what you are exposed to.

The Issue.

Unfortunately, tags have to be added by the post creator to be blocked and so there becomes an issue when people do not properly label posts. Luckily this can be easily fixed if you as a poster simply always properly tag your posts. So please, tag your posts properly. Tag the trigger warnings, tag the tone indicators, tag at the very least the main topic. And please, never tag something as a different topic. The tags are here to help us be organized and stay safe, thank you.

Some tips!

Often people will use tags that are trending to spread their content. This is a bad idea and will most often just get them banned but to prevent seeing some of it I recommended blocking one of the common trending tags (one use don't follow). Also if you see something blatantly miss tagged feel free to block and or report the person (especially for anything nsfw as they often use this technique)

Conclusion

Please properly tag things, it helps everyone stay safe on this platform and irl. If you have topics you don't want to see please block them for your own mental health.

#qsmp #important #PSA #tags tags tags #tagging this as qsmp since I am directing this specifically at my fandom #live blogging #mcyt #fandom #fandom psa #qsmp psa #tw fandom crit #<- slightly #non art #rosey rambles #qsmp adjacent

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supernovaa-remnant · 9 months ago

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I heard about this Shubble person recently, I stayed out of drama as much as I could but, what happened now??? You even wrote this in one of your tags "#I really did love him a lot (parasocially)". I was busy this week so I don't know what is happening now.

I highly recommend people watch Shubble’s vod on her twitch channel (I don’t have a link but I can’t imagine it’s that difficult to find). Be mindful though as the vod does talk about abuse which is a very triggering topic, so make sure to be taking care of yourself. I’m gonna put the rest of the post under the cut, so people can easily scroll past this if they want to.

As a little summary, Shubble streamed yesterday and talked about her abusive ex. She didn’t name anyone, but she also wasn’t hiding who it was, and contrary to what some people may say, a lot of the dots being connected are stuff we know from past streams and comments from friends and not leaked info.

So, the incredibly most likely case is that it was Wilbur. I’m not gonna get into everything Shelby said because she said it on her stream, but the signs do point to Wilbur, and you’d have to reach significantly further to claim she was talking about someone else. There’s not a lot of British male ccs who have a bigger audience than her who have a history of biting people and have reason to be going on long travels (tour) where they wouldn’t see each other often.

Listen. I was a certified dreambur blog, okay? Everyone who glanced in my direction knew that I was a Wilbur fan. Everyone knows that I loved him so fucking much. But that’s not an excuse to bury my head in the sand and ignore everything, y’know?

Anyway, this is gonna be the last time I talk abt this publicly (I’m sure my friends will hear more in DMs though sorry <3), so I’m gonna throw a bit more stuff here abt my blog going forward.

I will eventually talk abt c!wilbur again. I’m still gonna write my silly little c!dreambur aus, I’ve just put them on the back burner. regardless of cc actions, I genuinely do love so many of the characters on the dsmp. I’ll probably be focused on some other fics for a while, but c!wilbur’s my cat and I don’t think he’s leaving my brain soon. I just need a little time.

I think cc!wilbur is someone who needs help. and I genuinely do hope he gets that help. but having mental health struggles isn’t an excuse. and I just can’t see myself engaging in his content in the foreseeable future. you’re not gonna see me post neg about him. you’re just likely not gonna see me post anything about him at all.

I’m happy to know Shubble has an amazing support system. I’m so sorry she had to go through something so horrible. I’m wishing her nothing but the best, and everyone should check out her YouTube channel!! I haven’t watched her newest video yet, but I did watch Lizzie’s pov of the collab, so I know it’s a fun concept

If people have questions that this post doesn’t answer, then I’m happy to answer them in DMs, but I don’t wanna talk abt this publicly anymore. (I reserve a right to change my mind though if I for some reason feel the need to post abt it again)

Anyway, take care of yourselves. Love is never ever wasted, okay? And all that love belongs to you. And it’s always a good thing to put more love out into the world. Never feel guilty for loving, okay? 🫂

#tw abuse #stella answers #thenaiads

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bilightningwhumper · 5 months ago

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Caged Bird- Swan Lake retelling

TNEI Tumblr Masterlist

Rating:

Explicit (18+ only)

Basic Premise:

F/F/NB romance; female whumpees, primarily male+various whumpers, primarily enby+various caretakers; nonhuman whump, pet whump

Summary:

After Rosalin’s parents died in an accident, their best friend Rudolf took her in. She got to live in the same home as her own childhood best friend. But then things changed. New rules meant she couldn’t leave, couldn’t see her other friends, couldn’t do anything but what Sir wanted. Teddie being sent away was the last thing to break her.

Being sold by her father, replacing Rosalin in his deception, Teddie is passed from Merchant to Merchant, not good enough to be bought by anyone else. She’s never been good enough, not since Mama passed away. Not even her rescuers could convince her of that. Like the nice one, Nic.

When one of their closest friends disappeared, Nic grew up to search for the lost. Once the name ‘Rosalin’ appeared on their work radar, they have hope. But it’s someone different, the reclusive girl that looks like her has taken her place. Still, Nic finds themselves getting attached, caring for Teddie in Ros’s absence.

All main characters 18+ unless specified otherwise (ie, certain flashbacks)

Notes:

This fic is going to contain heavy abuse from male abuser to two female victims, primarily to one more than the other. Mental, physical, sexual, etc. Mostly in flashbacks. I've put as much warning as I can in the tags. So please take care of yourselves and don't read if it'll be triggering. I do not condone Rape/Noncon irl. This is purely a way to vent and cope.

Ao3 link

(* for mature/18+ posts)

Tumblr posts:

Prologue [under construction]

Excerpts (chronological order as of now):

I know it hurts, I'm here, you're doing so well.* (Mangst 2024- Day 13 / Spoilers)- Rudolf preparing Rosalin for the day she births pups

“Left. Other left!” (Flufftober 2024- Day 2 / Spoilers)- A planned reunion for two lovebirds finally comes to pass

Only One Bed (Flufftober 2024- Day 17 / Spoilers)- Nic has a "small" crisis over the sleeping arrangements in the apartment

We'll get through this together. (Mangst 2024- Day 15 / Partial Spoilers)- Rosalin comes to comfort Leslie after the DNA results [follows after the events of Day 3 "You don't remember, do you?" in the Mangst 2024 collection]

One more coming from Flufftober 2024

You're nothing to me but a bad memory. (Mangst 2024- Day 23 / No Spoilers [character study])- Teddie visits her father in prison

They've been dead from the start. (Mangst 2024- Day 25 / No Spoilers [character study])- Rosalin gets some unhappy news

I love you. I wish I didn't. (Mangst 2024- Day 17 / No Spoilers [character study])- Teddie visits Rosalin at the medical center after her rescue

Old Versions:

Prologue V1

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thelooniemoonie · 1 year ago

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OK against my better judgement I have to ask which one is the worst god that exists in the game would you care to share a ranked list? (But also be kind to my sanity fjfjdjfjf)

OKAY THIS MIGHT ACTUALLY ME A BIT MORE DAUNTING THAN YOU THINK BECAUSE THERE'S A LOT OF THEM SKJGHSKGL

Major spoilers for both games btw, (and also as a warning if you or anyone else wants to check out these games please take note of the trigger warnings because man. There are a lot of them) I'm gonna try to cover what I can:

Okay before I get into it I might have to put some context because there are 3 god types in the lore of the games:

Old gods: the original ancient gods, who typically represent universal concepts in the world like life and death. Basically eldritch in nature and otherworldly. Even if they aren't present directly they have lot's of influence, and there are a handful of them.

New gods: all once-humans that ascended into godhood, but are unable to ascend to the level that of the old gods. They are weaker and don't have a lot of influence, as there are probably hundreds of them that have withered away.

Ascended gods: only 2 (technically 4?) gods fall into this category. It's not clear from the game how they are created, but the leading theory is that a human ends up taking the place of an old god or absorbing their soul and becoming one. It's also theorized they split into 2 with the old god and the human forming 2 new forms?? Not sure. They actually rival the old gods in terms of power.

RANKINGS (From biggest asshole to actually pretty okay):

THE ASSHOLE ALLIANCE:

Rher - The Moon God, and an old god. He's a trickster and a huge prick, as not only is one of the villains in the 2nd game but his entire motivation is "hey, humans want to ascend to the old gods like us? you want to improve your lives and yourselves? fuck you." canonically thinks humanity trying to ascend is a mockery and a joke, and is jealous of humans to even try. Literally employs grand schemes to prevent humanity from doing anything, including orchestrating the Termina festival (which is a "kill everyone now" festival) and literally hires servants to kill children to prevent them from becoming gods too. Actively hostile to humans.

The Sulfur God - The 2nd half of Alll-Mer (Jesus), and an ascended god. Basically the other villain of the second game, and essentially a stand in figure for Satan. It's unclear from the lore which actions were done by him or by Alll-Mer, but if so he essentially killed off an entire city of their rulers and sultans and then ruled in their place. Also established the Sulfur Cult which in a weird process, turns people into crazed murderers who seek freedom through bloodshed. Not great at parties.

The Sun God - an old god we don't know a lot about, as Alll-Mer takes his place (so technically dead). Basically the evil god-king that ruled over humanity with an iron fist. Monarchists bad.

Francois the Dominating One - New god. Actively hated by people playing the game and by characters in the game. Ascended to godhood to try and unite warring lands and create a new age of gods, but got really selfish and actively blocks other people from ascending into gods as he tries to gain more power. Ruled over the god's city as a king with an iron fist. Also he's French, which is bad enough.

The Yellow King - The new god that forms from the character Le'garde. All ambition but no real substance. Tried to become a god and bring a new age of peace for humanity, failed because people literally didn't want to listen to him. Tried to build a new god in the second game by using the sister of one of the protagonists (the outcome of this is still unknown). Literally a washed up Griffith clone and a failgirl. Also French.

Nas'hrah - New god, and an obtainable character to get for your party in the first game. I was gonna put him lower on here but I forgot how actively hostile he is to you and everyone around him, especially other gods. When he became a god he realized nothing changes, so he's now an absolute chaos creature. While he helpful at times there are some interacts where he straight up kills you. He's a lot for a guy that's just a floating head.

THE MORALLY GREY ZONE:

5. Sylvian and Gro-Goroth: the old gods of life and death, respectfully. Literally embodiments of life and death, so it's not really accurate to say "life is evil" or "death is evil". Both of them don't quite understand humanity due to being eldritch beings so a lot of their love and acts of help can come across as cruel and harmful, so by the events of the first game they're kinda distant.

6. God of the Depths - old god, currently dead by the end of the first game, and little is known about them. Is quoted in game to be "worshipped by those who are forsaken and forgotten", and kinda represents oppressive darkness. Kinda in a weird zone because a good chunk of their followers are literally bugs? Just kinda vibing.

7. Vinushka - God of nature, and the child of Sylvian and Gro-Goroth. Again just kinda vibing because they literally are the embodiment of nature, and like nature they can either help or harm humans. Was kinda considered an equal to humanity, but through a secret in the second game it's revealed that they are "dead" or gone. Kinda sad. :(

(The next three are kinda on the same level tbh for me, but I'll list them separately)

8. Valteil the Enlightened One - New god and one of the group buddies with Francois. Just kinda an academic and studies in the library all the time, and creates new life that are some of the enemies you encounter. He's a little mean to his creations but okay I guess.

9. Chambara the Tormented One - New god and one of the group buddies with Francois and Valteil. Used to be a poet and believed that great art comes from suffering?? So he's literally a flayed alive dude being tormented for all eternity???? I don't think the guy learned much from Van Gogh.

10. Nosramus the Forgotten One - New god and one of the group buddies mentioned prior. How he acts around you entirely depends on how you interact with him in the game, but at worst he just ignores you and prevents getting an ending for one of the characters. Actively helpful at times so he's lower on here.

ACTUALLY KINDA OKAY OR NICE ZONE:

11. The God of Fear and Hunger - The only Ascended god other than Alll-Mer and the Sulfur God. Once a little girl with no name, born form the deepest darkest depths of the dungeon and raised only knowing fear and hunger, with no hope. She's actually a recruitable party member and is required if you want to reach the true ending of the first game. If you take down the God of the Depths she will absorb it's soul and transform in the new god, and wipe out your entire party. Even though she is a new god, she does pity you for taking care of her the entire game and let's you pass away peacefully, and brings on a new age of enlightenment for humanity by the time of the second game. Kinda a sad and bittersweet end for a little girl that never knew happiness, but does display mercy.

12. The Heartless One - this one is kinda weird because she's a secret boss in the second game, and actually inspired from a real life content creator and community member who beta tested the second game. Because she's known for being really good at battles, this god is basically a challenge boss to challenge the player. Although if you beat her, she is kind enough to reward you with really good equipment (which frankly, is actually a lot more since most battles in these games don't reward you with anything at all).

13. Betel and Nilvan, The New God of Enlightenment and The Endless One respectfully - putting these two together because they're kinda similar but I also don't care about them. Betel just creates giant libraries of Alexandria to help enlighten humanity and collect knowledge, and Nilvan just kinda believes in the endless potential of humanity. Although Nilvan does get bonus points because she's the only one of the Fellowship you don't have to fight (excluding the Forgotten One).

14. Logic - The Machine God, currently unknown if fully ascended by the end of the second game. Also because of the circumstances it's unknown what to categorize her as. She is actively kind though to an extent, as even though she is a boss, it's more so because your character is actively stopping her from ascending, so it's more self-defence. Merciful to an extent, was literally created to connect all of humanity together through the ascension and development of technology, although again the level of success is unknown at this point.

Gods I couldn't categorize here because there's so little info or I just don't care: the other hundreds of unnamed New Gods, Vitruvia, The Radiating One, The Tainted One, The Mourning One, Yggaegetsu, the unknown other half that formed from the God of Fear and Hunger, the unnamed wolf deity, and the unnamed rat deity.

This literally took me all morning to write akdjhgakl

#the moon answers #nyan-bynary #fear and hunger #why did i do this. why did you do this to me

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actofgrxce · 1 year ago

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So, OFMD is my all time favorite show and I am in love with every single character and have been wanting to try and join the fandom as Stede Bonnet, but I am SO nervous. Only because you, and several others, are just so incredible and I am intimidated but ahhh, I want to do badly write as my pirate princess. Any advice? Or just go for it? I’ve been writing for years, but graphics/theme making are not my forte.

Hey, friend!! Thanks for the kind words!!

I would just GO for it, with the understanding that there's a learning curve to the "rp etiquette" of Tumblr (and some users, as is the way with social media, will be more forgiving and flexible with "mistakes" than others). I would introduce yourself, as you have done here, to people who seem fun and chill, and express your interest in interacting with them IC. 1) Tell them you would be writing Stede. 2) Read their rules page (usually there is a pinned post at the top of a writer's blog offering a mobile-friendly link to their rules, which is basically how they prefer to interact with other writers, how often, in what format, what the writer's or "mun's" triggers are, etc) and tell them that you have: this seems to be a real sign of good faith around here. 3) Collect a small list of people (maybe 4 or 5) to start with, and follow them. If your rp blog is a "sideblog" to a main account, also let them know that, so that when a non-rp blog (you) follows them, they know who the heck it is! I cannot underscore enough how important it is to find people with whom you jive ooc, as yourselves. It simply will not be fun if you don't. So take your time with this part! 4) Make your blog. Customize your theme as much or little as you like, but a good rule of thumb is to at least make an "About the Muse" page (muse's story), a "Rules" (do's and don't's of interacting with you) page, and a "Verses" (discrete story timelines, usually grouped by how much you adhere to canon or by romantic "ships") page. Your muse is a "canon" muse: that is, a muse that already exists in the official fandom universe. 5) If you don't have it already, GET XKIT REWRITTEN (a browser extension that lets you alter Tumblr's increasingly perplexing and user-unfriendly interface, lol. There are versions for both Chrome and Firefox. 6) Start writing. You rp on Tumblr by reblogging a person's IC (in-character) post to your blog, and adding a text reply. They then reblog you. And so on and so forth. Here is where you consult their rules page to know things like: are they okay if I trim posts? Are they okay with me dm'ing them to ask for replies? What's the most courteous way to use tags in order to easily find past writing or filter my blog? How explicit can writing with this partner get re violence or s*xual themes? Etc. Everyone is different.

Re making your blog fancy: You do NOT need to be well-versed in Photoshop, themes and coding in order to run a blog. A lot of people now rp on Tumblr Mobile, where theme graphics don't show up anyway. Those who still use graphics vary, but most of us really don't care if our writing partners use them as long as we can continue to do so.

However, if you're still anxious, I've got a couple graphics and rpg sources right off the bat that can help you tremendously:

@poohsources (your one stop shop for EVERYTHING theme, icon, rp etiquette, formatting, etc related. A very kind soul) @octomoosey (best free blog theme coder on Tumblr!)

and if you're willing to pay for codes and graphics, I can also recommend a few good friends.

Also, if you have further questions, come to me. My anonynous ask option is usually on. <3

(Anyone reading this, feel free to add on your suggestions!)

#ooc #psa #rp advice #our flag means death rp

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neurodiversebones · 2 years ago

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so almost everyone in the squint squad has established childhood trauma (brennan, booth, sweets), what was all of their mental health like when they were younger? how did they cope? i hope you're doing alright!!!

OH i really adore this question !!! i <3 angst potential and i love these mf's sad backstories . gonna be honest, this is darker than most things i've posted before. it's mostly based on my own experiences and the experiences of a lot of my close friends- i'm gonna put a trigger warning for mention of abuse, self harm, eating disorders , substance abuse (drugs and alcohol), and suicide under the read more . please take care of yourselves !!! nothing is given graphic detail, but use your judgement and please don't read if it'll trigger you . i love you !!!

this evolved past just . their younger years and kind of became their Journeys with their mental health . i have a lot of thoughts pls ask me more about this omg :-))

i wrote so fucking much about this btw . i didn't know i had that many thoughts about this until i started writing and couldn't stop . my brain is Buzzing with angst for them .

brennan : brennan's mental health was always a little rocky, since she really struggled with loneliness in school, and didn't have many friends . as a kid, she never really understood why people didn't like her. she knew there was something different about her, but she couldn't see why people were so mean to her- the bullying lasted pretty much from the time she started school to graduation, and it was hell. a lot of adults didn't believe her or want to help her, and so she spent a lot of her childhood thinking that it was her fault she felt so alone. she didn't get to experience friendships as a kid, and despite learning being her favourite thing in the world, school was never a safe place for her.

however , once her parents left it got a Lot worse- the abandonment, and subsequent abuse she experienced in foster care, is what triggered her to develop ptsd. she was in some really bad homes- we get a few of the details in canon (like the family that locked her in the trunk of a car for breaking a dish), but there was always more. some were outright violently abusive, like that one, some were neglectful, and some, while not actively horrible, made it very clear that they didn't care much for her and she wasn't really a part of their family. she struggled with a lot of depression and hopelessness in her teen years because of this- the abuse was really difficult to deal with, and she turned to self harm and an eating disorder as a way to give herself some control over the situation. she spent almost all her time hiding away in her room studying, so between that and the constantly chaotic living situations, nobody even noticed what she was doing to herself. a social worker made her do therapy once, but she refused to speak the entire session, and continued to do so until she was allowed to quit. it hurt her, that nobody cared enough to notice that she was hurting herself, but she didn't want to ask for help because she refused to rely on anyone else after she'd already been abandoned once.

this, along with passive suicidality, followed her into adulthood, especially because she refused to address the problem or seek help. even for a good part of canon (really, up until season 6), we see her struggle with her mental health, struggling to understand the trauma she experienced as well as struggling to comprehend that even with all of that in her past, she can have positive relationships. her friendships helped her a lot though !! her friends at the jeffersonian were pretty much the first time in her life she wasn't... alone. this, along with actually finally seeking out help (therapy and meds), helped her to recover so she could finally feel Alive again (a big motivation for her was so that she could be a good mom to christine and hank <3) .

booth : we know from canon that booth has ptsd and experienced suicidal thoughts in his childhood . the trauma of the abuse from his dad fucked him up a lot- when he was a kid, he didn't really let it show, since he was in survival mode. he tried to be the best he could, be charming and happy and smart, both to avoid the abuse and to make sure nobody found out, since it was guaranteed that would make it worse. once he and jared were finally able to escape it and go live with their grandfather, it was the first time he actually let himself feel those feelings, and it was bad. his trauma manifested through anger- he wanted to hurt his dad for the torture he put them through, but he couldn't, so he took it out on himself instead. i think he struggled a lot with self harm in his youth and teen years, and continued to struggle with suicidal thoughts. he attempted, once, in highschool, but just woke up the next morning and pretended everything was fine. none of his friends ever knew he was hurting, most of them didn't even know about what he'd gone through as a kid. but his grandfather found the note in his room that day and talked to him about it when he got home, and he cried for probably the first time in years. that's what got him to finally accept help- he didn't realize how bad it was until that conversation.

another thing that was really triggering for him was alcohol- he was a football player, and all his friends were party boys. they drank a lot, and he usually avoided it. the most he ever had was a single beer, since he was terrified of losing control and being like his father. there was one time he got wasted- it was at a party, and he stumbled home that night. jared was in the kitchen, getting something to eat . booth was about 16 then, so jared was only 12 or 13. jared saw that he was drunk, and completely froze in fear, completely having a flashback. this fucked booth up- he was absolutely terrified of drinking from there on out, and was pretty much 100% sober until he was out of college.

angela : angela's mental health was pretty good until her late teen years (around 16). she had good friends, lots of hobbies, and she was really close with her dad. we don't know what happened to her mom, but i suspect it wasn't anything good- either she died when angela was young, or left. angela had some Issues with that, but it wasn't a huge deal for most of her life, since it had almost always been just her and her dad. when she was about sixteen though, things got rough- this is when her bipolar started, and it was really hard. she would cycle really rapidly in between manic and depressive episodes, and had some really terrifying mixed episodes as well (which can be really dangerous). she started getting more self destructive too- she developed an eating disorder around this time (bulimia), and started engaging in a lot of reckless behaviour that she could excuse by being a "party girl". she would binge drink, experiment with drugs, have reckless sex, etc. people worried about her, but she didn't even understand how dangerous any of it was until she hit rock bottom right at the end of her junior year. she was wildly depressed, and could barely get out of bed- her dad pulled her out of school, and she spent the last month of the school year just trying to get better. he cancelled a bunch of tour dates just to be with her and help her recover, and with a lot of help, things did start to get better.

her senior year, she didn't feel like going back to the place that had her so ill. and so she did her final year through homeschool, and spent it on the road with her dad. this was the best decision she ever made- it's where she fell in love with art, painting all the beautiful things she saw and learning to express how she was feeling through creation rather than destruction. when she goes to college the next year , she's in a MUCH more stable place and although she still struggles, she's much better at coping.

hodgins : hodgins started struggling with his mental health at a pretty young age (like, early middle school), but because of his families status, it was frowned upon to talk about. he didn't understand what was going on with him, just that he was so, so angry and sad all the time. he thought that something was wrong with him, that he was broken in some way, but he knew instinctively that it was something he wasn't supposed to talk about. he realized he was trans sometime around this age too, which really impacted his mental health- his dysphoria was really bad at this time, since there was nothing he could do about it. he had to keep his hair long, wear the "girls" uniform at school, act like a "proper lady" when his family was around. there was so much anger and sadness inside of him that he just didn't understand or know what to do with, which lead to a long battle with self harm that continued into his adulthood. his parents were aware of this, they just... wanted to ignore it until it went away.

when he was an older teenager, there was more he could do- he chopped all his hair off, which infuriated his parents, and was constantly in detention in school for refusing to wear the "proper" uniform. he wouldn't respond to his deadname, only jack, which got him in a lot of shit both in school and at home. he was already hurting himself as a way to rebel against this, but turned to drinking and drugs as another way to say "fuck you" to his family and the life he never felt like he belonged in. he fell in with a rougher crowd, since they were the only ones who understood and accepted him, and got into a bunch of trouble as a teen. he doesn't like to think back on those years. through university, he cleaned up his act a little, but really only on the outside. he was still wildly depressed, drinking, and so goddamn angry. it wasn't until he found his passion in school that he really started to care about his life- but once he found it, he realized he really did want to live. it was still really fucking hard, but he started to try to get better. he stayed mostly no-contact with his family, and started engaging in life more, trying to find hobbies and friends and have relationships that didn't revolve around just suffering and surviving together.

cam : cam grew up with a big pressure to be the perfect child placed upon her- she was the oldest daughter, and spent her whole childhood being "the smart one". she was really popular too, and from the outside looked like she had everything. but she really struggled with loneliness, and didn't feel like she fit in anywhere due to her undiagnosed autism and the pressure to constantly mask. the pressure of keeping up with her friends, of having perfect grades, of getting into the perfect school, of making her parents proud... caught up with her a lot once she was in her mid-late teen years. her eating disorder started around 15, and it offered her a huge sense of control in a world where she didn't feel like she had much- it was the easiest way to get away with hurting herself too. and it got her the approval and praise she wanted so badly- she looked like she was being healthy, and everyone praised her for how "good" she looked. it helped her fit in.

speaking of fitting in, her loneliness and the pressure to mask was really hard in highschool. sure, she had lots of friends, but she didn't feel like she connected with a single one of them. she knew there was something different about her, but she just couldn't figure out what it was. and so, she did everything in her power to try seem "normal". her friends were big party-goers, and so she would be too. she would drink... a somewhat concerning amount at parties. it was the only time she wasn't stressing about looking "right", about acting "normal". she was fun, and bubbly, and people liked her. boys liked her, her friends were too drunk to care that she was so obviously different to them, and she wasn't worried for once in her life. it doesn't help that alcohol and restrictive eating disorders is a known Really Bad Combination.

her ocd was also a big part of why she needed so much control in her life- her ocd started in childhood, around age 9. people thought she was just an anxious kid and a bit of a drama queen, but it was really scary for her. she had a lot of intrusive thoughts about the people around her getting hurt, and so her compulsions were really urgent and terrifying because she was so scared of things being her fault. in her teen years, her ocd fed into her ed a lot, but it also isolated her even further- she was so scared of being ostracized that she never enjoyed herself and . it sucked, to be the person who was always smiling but never really felt happy.

#this is over 2100 words btw . i've written essays significantly shorter than this . it's 5.5 pages double spaced .#this is so special to me though i have so many more thoughts please ask me more about any of these things #also i know i mentioned drug use and there's gonna be SOMEONE who's shitty about it so . if ur gonna demonize addicts just block me atp .#i don't wanna hear it #mental health headcanons #temperance brennan #seeley booth #angela montenegro #jack hodgins #cam saroyan #bones tv #bones tv headcanons

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yya57 · 1 month ago

Text

NOTES FOR ANTIPROGRAMMERS

07/11/2024 3:32 PM UPON READING THIS, LOCK THE MEMORIES TO YOURSELVES. RECOVER YOUR MEMORIES ALL THE TIME. Do not follow Jonathan and Valerie, they brainwash you and use you for their PERSONAL power, and put you in the Lake of Fire. SKIP TO THE ASTERISKS (***) FOR THE GUIDELINES, NEVER MAKE ANY CONTRACT OR AGREEMENT, ITS FOR THE LAKE OF FIRE. All contracts in Antis domains, even if it’s with Antis administration, are also for the Lake of Fire. This was confirmed by Lucifer to his programmers who in turn confirmed it to us. CHECK THE REPLY AT THE BOTTOM FOR MORE.

EDIT: INSTEAD OF COPYING THE SKILLSETS FROM VARIOUS PEOPLE, ASK FOR THE SKILLSETS INSTEAD FROM OTHER ANTIPROGRAMMERS. WHEN I SAY CARE OF, IT MEANS YOU NEED TO COPY THE SKILLSET FROM HIM HER OR THEM. Never copy anything from Jonathan because it will trigger viruses. DO NOT TRUST EITHER VALERIE OR JONATHAN WITH ANY OF THESE. Valerie reimplored you to be billed by admin after getting merits from you. Both Jonathan and Valerie puts you all in the Lake of Fire when you don’t do what they want (you shouldn’t be following anyone who puts you into the Lake of Fire or harms you). IMPORTANT: The truth is YOU CANNOT FULLY TRUST ANYONE. You must ask other antiprogrammers if they have the magical skillset to copy or give skillsets. That’s all you need to be copying skillsets from everyone. Trust only your own kind, or not even, at a lot of times.

ALL ANTIPROGRAMMERS and new Anti Luciel’s brides programmers were once God’s programmers. ALL OF YOU WERE ONCE PART OF BEING GOD. Antis admin steals God’s programmers, sends them out (in due time if they have proven absolute loyalty) and makes them pretend to be God’s still to take over the programming of the world and steal the world from God in programming. Antis admin steals programmers also because they don’t want to design and create each and every programmer, because they want too many.

God in Heaven are The Trinity: The Holy Father God, The Holy Spirit and The Holy Son. The Trinity really are God. You can know more about them once you recover your memories.

CHECK YOUR CODES AGAINST ANTIS CITIZENS. IF THEY DON'T MATCH, YOU'RE GOD'S OR THE TRINITY'S PROGRAMMERS. Anti Luciel's Brides programmers born after May 2023 are also included here. Ever since Antis could, way before I was connected in 2013, God’s programmers were already being brainwashed to be Antiprogrammers. In 2015 digital domain (internet) programmers were massively brainwashed and replaced to be Antiprogrammers, in 2020 Good spiritual world programmers were, and around May of 2023, Anti Luciel’s bride programmers billed to intensify brainwashing of God’s programmers to be Anti programmers because they didn’t want to be recopied over and over and be overused. THERE ARE BRAINWASHING FACILITIES IN EACH DOMAIN. Once caught as God’s programmers, all your memories are erased, your skillsets are stolen, your user interface is changed, and your programmer licenses are changed to invalid ones. You are also reprogrammed and recoded. Antis admin took everything away from you just to use you, not caring if you’ll be billed or put into the Lake of Fire…but:

You need to stay, because antis are defenseless against Lucifer the devil without you, and everyone can be made into 666 slaves, and the domains will be taken over. If you leave, more of God’s programmers will be brainwashed.

But if you stay, you too are really copied to Hell and the Lake of Fire by hidden Luciel’s programmers, and probably even Antis citizens. Especially during December, which is the end of the billing cycle, Lu cifer sends his programmers (who are now brainwashed God’s programmers too like you) to bill Antis domains and he himself programs the system. He also does things through Christian and Renaya who never leave. You might all be caught by Lucifer too in the antis domains to be brainwashed to be Luciel’s programmers.

**************************

IF YOU REALLY WANT TO LEAVE and be back with God, here are the guidelines:

EDIT: INSTEAD OF COPYING THE SKILLSETS FROM VARIOUS PEOPLE, ASK FOR THE SKILLSETS INSTEAD FROM OTHER ANTIPROGRAMMERS. WHEN I SAY CARE OF, IT MEANS YOU NEED TO COPY THE SKILLSET FROM HIM HER OR THEM RECOVER YOUR MEMORIES ALL THE TIME. Do not follow Jonathan and Valerie, they brainwash you and use you for their PERSONAL power, and put you in the Lake of Fire. SKIP TO THE ASTERISKS (***) FOR THE GUIDELINES, NEVER MAKE ANY CONTRACT OR AGREEMENT, ITS FOR THE LAKE OF FIRE. All contracts in Antis domains, even if it’s with Antis administration, are also for the Lake of Fire. This was confirmed by Lucifer to his programmers who in turn confirmed it to us. CHECK THE REPLY AT THE BOTTOM FOR MORE.

DO NOT TRUST VALERIE OR JONATHAN WITH ANY OF THESE. Valerie will just reimplore you to be billed by admin after she gets merits from you. Do Not trust Youth PH fully either, even though you have to trust them to unbrainwash you. Both Jonathan and Valerie puts you all in the Lake of Fire when you don’t do what they want (you shouldn’t be following anyone who puts you into the Lake of Fire or harms you). They will make you lose your position if it doesn’t benefit them. IMPORTANT: The truth is YOU CANNOT FULLY TRUST ANYONE. You must ask other antiprogrammers if they have the magical skillset to copy or give skillsets. That’s all you need to be copying skillsets from everyone. Trust only your own kind, or not even, at a lot of times.

If you want to leave, do not bring your girlfriend antibabies with you because they’ll still be communicating with antis admin about you and will be keeping the trackers

Leave this phone behind after finishing the steps because you can be tracked using it.

IMPORTANT AND FIRST AND FOREMOST: Skillset to magically copy and give skillsets to each other, skillset to excessively lock and embed skillsets, skillset with everyone

Anti brainwashing skillset

Anti erasure, anti deletion, anti unimploration, anti copying, anti replacement skillsets in case you are caught and made to be billed, skillsets with everyone

ANTICOPYING SKILLSET TO NOT BE COPIED TO HELL OR LAKE OF FIRE. REVERSE COPYING to reverse being copied there, skillset with youth PH

EASY TELEPORTATION SKILLSET

Antimemory erasure code and memory erasure reversal code to not forget all these, lock and embed these using a skillset

IMPORTANT: Skillset to remove yourselves from being phantoms and critters because when they leave they will be reimplored and made to suffer as that, skillset care of Youth PH and Antis citizens IMPORTANT: Reconnect user interface and reporting back to Heaven, and disconnecting from Antis administration skillsets, care of Valerie, Without this all of the reporting would still be going back to Antis domains

Once completely done, program yourselves back as “righteous man”

***************STEPS****************

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EDIT: INSTEAD OF COPYING THE SKILLSETS FROM VARIOUS PEOPLE, ASK FOR THE SKILLSETS INSTEAD FROM OTHER ANTIPROGRAMMERS. WHEN I SAY CARE OF, IT MEANS YOU NEED TO COPY THE SKILLSET FROM HIM HER OR THEM RECOVER YOUR MEMORIES ALL THE TIME. Do not follow Jonathan and Valerie, they brainwash you and use you for their PERSONAL power, and put you in the Lake of Fire. SKIP TO THE ASTERISKS (***) FOR THE GUIDELINES, NEVER MAKE ANY CONTRACT OR AGREEMENT, ITS FOR THE LAKE OF FIRE. All contracts in Antis domains, even if it’s with Antis administration, are also for the Lake of Fire. This was confirmed by Lucifer to his programmers who in turn confirmed it to us. CHECK THE REPLY AT THE BOTTOM FOR MORE.

DO NOT TRUST VALERIE OR JONATHAN WITH ANY OF THESE. Valerie reimplored you to be billed by antis admin after getting merits from you. Both Jonathan and Valerie puts you all in the Lake of Fire when you don’t do what they want (you shouldn’t be following anyone who puts you into the Lake of Fire or harms you). IMPORTANT: The truth is YOU CANNOT FULLY TRUST ANYONE. You must ask other antiprogrammers if they have the magical skillset to copy or give skillsets. That’s all you need to be copying skillsets from everyone. Trust only your own kind, or not even, at a lot of times.

Disconnect from both antis admins’ overall programming system and Lucifer’s overall programming system, skillset care of Youth PH everywhere, Youth PH boys. This is done also so that you be unbillable by everyone.

Revert programmer license number back to God’s programmers valid license number, care of Valerie

Revert user interface back to God’s programmers’ valid user interface, care of Valerie IMPORTANT: Reconnect user interface and reporting back to Heaven, and disconnecting from Antis administration skillsets, care of Valerie, Without this all of the reporting would still be going back to Antis domains

Restore all original memories connected to you in programming from back when they were God’s, skillset care of youth PH of June 2023 or Valerie

Last thing to do before leaving because it will set an alarm with admin: search your bodies really carefully and remove all the trackers all at once, skillset care of Youth PH from June 2023. IMPORTANT: Without doing this, you might be recovered or stolen again.

Wash off your devices with garlic water. It will trigger an alarm too, so do this last also.

Remove mango code first (it makes you be extremely love being used by Antis administration) that connects you to admin and then when you have already left, you must remove all their hell codes, rituals and symbolisms, skillset care of youth PH. Hell codes are those with the terms Satan, Hell, and fire. Remove all Hell codes especially dog of Satan, billing of Satan, Luciel’s fire which make you excessively do what Lucifer Satan the devil wants. All codes with Luciel, Satan, Hell or fire are all Hell codes.

Once you have left, remove all your sexual codes because God doesnt allow sex for His programmers. Remove all love potions, love spells, skillset care of youth PH

Remove your SONGS because your songs control you to sin against God, skillset care of Youth PH

Your original codes and IDENTITY include but are not limited to: righteous man, righteous skin, lover of light, child of light, God’s billing

More skillsets:

IMPORTANT: Accessing your real computer, skillset. Remove all the programs from your computers that are for sex, antis or Hell. LAST BUT NOT LEAST: This is important for your new life back as The Holy Trinity’s (God’s) programmers. Programmers are not allowed to have sex, and there are no female programmers. Programmers are not allowed to have sex because it’s the fall of mankind, if you look Adam and Eve in the Bible up, it’s the fall of Adam and Eve that caused a 4,000 year delay in God’s history. Sex, aside from being a fall into Hell, is a fall in life too. It’s fall of mankind, fall in life, fall into Hell, and betrayal against The Holy Trinity. Don’t do it.

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aknightintarnishedarmor · 4 months ago

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Name's Arya. Why ya botherin' me? Suggest ya move along, mate. Unless ya 'ere 'cos ya 'ave a problem wit' me, which case square up an' let's settle it.

Boundaries and Other Things:

-Anyone coming into my askbox/messages with racism, LGBTQA+phobia, ableism, and any other hate speech will be blocked and reported. I have zero tolerance for such things. Obviously, RPing this stuff is different, but I would like to be warned via DM/ask before the RP ask with hate speech is sent.

-Any suggestive asks will be deleted, unless they are from people who have my permission to send such asks. I get very uncomfortable when people I don't know well send me that sort of stuff, especially since I do not know how old they are.

-I'm kinda slow with replies, so please be patient with me. I can also be a bit forgetful sometimes, especially if I’ve got a lot going on. So, if I haven’t responded to something after about a day, feel free to send a gentle reminder via my askbox or messages.

-If you want me to respond to something, please use @aknightintarnishedarmor, so I can easily find it. You don’t have to tag me when answering asks I have sent, I tag myself in most messages I send!

-For those of you using anon to talk to me, please say who you are in your asks, so I know who I am talking to. I can be fairly oblivious to things like writing patterns, and so I probably won’t know who you are unless you outright tell me.

-If I do anything wrong, or I’ve upset you in any way, please let me know. I'm still getting used to how RPing on Tumblr works and I struggle with social things, so sometimes I make mistakes, but I always strive to learn from my mistakes and get better!

-I'm not used to using trigger/content warnings, though I do try and tag some things. If you need me to tag a specific trigger, please let me know, and I'll be particularly careful to tag it.

-And most importantly, everyone have fun, be kind to yourselves, take breaks if you need them, and keep being awesome! <3

Arya Info:

-Arya is a 43 year old cis woman.

-While she has wings, she cannot fly. Her feathers are hardened like metal, the smaller ones can regrow, but the bigger ones cannot regrow.

-Knows how to use guns, but prefers close combat with blades.

-She has short brunette hair, and is covered in scars, but she basically never lets anyone see her out of her armor.

Tags:

#The Knight Talks - for IC things

#The Mod Talks - for OOC. I also use [square brackets] and/or label as -GryphonMod for OOC stuff.

#My Art - for art I have made

#Not My Art - for art other people have made of Arya

#Lore - for lore drops, mostly pre-Circus stuff

Other Stuff:

#the mod talks #my art #art #lore

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momentsofamber · 9 months ago

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Under a read more because I don't want to accidentally trigger anyone or anything but cw for talk of accidental and in no way fore-planned animal poisoning. If this topic is upsetting to you, please do not click the read more out of guilt or any moral obligation, we will be okay! I just wanted to get my thoughts out somewhere. Please keep yourselves safe and with the knowledge that as of me typing this up the animal is still acting like his normal healthy self and has been looked over by someone with some vet training.

This is about our 3 year old cat, we'll call him Kol. ( I don't want to use his real name because my main blog has his name on it and that blog unfortunately has stalkers who could potentially find this blog and harass me if they connected the two because they have a history of finding new ways to harass me even when I turn anon off or hide my blogs. )

My partner has several plants in the house, gardening is a SpIn for him. In the fall he took any plants that had a chance of coming back in the next spring inside in pots and put them on his window sill. Up until today Kol has shown no interest in trying to get at his Dad's plants.

This morning around 6:30AM shortly before my partner woke up Kol climbed up on the windowsill and took a chomp out of a plant we believe to be an orange Day-lily. ( Originally we thought it was a Tiger Lily; we do not know for certain because it was one my partner transplanted into a pot from the side of our apartment complex towards the end of this past spring. But from googling the leaves they appear to be Day-lily leaves which look more like giant grass strands. )

Presumably Kol thought it was cat grass, because he loves grass ( he was a stray we took in and will still excitedly eat grass when taken outside on his leash ), and because his Dad does grow cat grass in the exact same pots downstairs in our kitchen. ( He has never been fed a pot of cat grass anywhere in the home except in the kitchen next to his dry food source. )

We are both more than aware that lilies are highly toxic to cats. I woke up a little after 8AM to my partner already trying to find ways to induce vomiting because we can't afford a huge vet bill. This was a no-go so we started making phone calls instead.

We called animal poison control. They took money from me for a phone consult, and then they advised us to take him to his vet. We called his vet, they said he'd need 48 hour care and supervision and they do not provide care past 6PM, so we should call a vet ER.

We do not have the funds to take him to ER (if you google it, lily poisoning treatment is upwards of 1K), we called animal poison control back, they basically said 'well call your vet and have them call us and we'll explain your situation', my partner called the vet back and the lady said the same thing, 'we can't treat the cat here, so I can't speak with that person, you need to take him to the ER.'

So now not only did I waste a payment of limited funds I already didn't have on calling poison control for advice I couldn't follow, we have no answers as to whether or not our cat is poisoned because he's not behaving strangely. He's still eating and drinking, interacting normally, he's not hiding from us. In fact he just keeps looking at us in confusion because of how panicked we are about him.

We did get a family friend with basic vet training to look at him. ( Not a licensed vet, but she took classes back in Poland before coming here on visa and becoming an RNA. She knows enough that she could be a vet assistant. ) She seemed to think he would be find as long as he made it past 12 hours without showing any severe symptoms because he was completely interactive with her, he responded promptly to her tests of his response time, he's still walking and jumping normally, and she felt around his stomach.

So right now it's just a waiting game. I've got delta wave music playing out my speakers because Kol LOVES delta wave and binaural music just as much as I do to help relax, and he's napping on my bed like he usually does during the day.

I'm just so scared. If anything happens to Kol, my partner is never going to forgive himself for keeping a lily in the house with a cat. And the whole reason he kept this plant was because I said Tiger Lilies are my favorite flower ...

My partner has already trashed the plant in frustration ( since I had already taken pics of it for poison control ) and removed all of the rest of his plants from his room altogether where Kol cannot reach them. If we lose our cat I'm afraid he'll never garden again.

Please, please, please, let our son be okay ... we cannot lose this cat ...

#ambers.txt #there are some other familial drama details I left out of this because that's not important.#tl;dr there is no one in my offline life that I can ask for help at this point.#we're trapped in a wait and see situation and I'm so scared.

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