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it’s jimmy's birthday!!!!!!
this is like a national holiday to me
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... I have a lot of thoughts about Draxum.
#rottmnt#rise of the tmnt#art#my art#tmnt#my post#alt text#baron draxum#draxum#comic#my comic#does this count as a comic?#it's really more of a monologue with drawings#half of which are scenes from the show#idk#I had this little monologue or whatever you'd call it written up in the notes app of my phone for like six months now#figured I might as well try and do something with it#is this a bad time to post this given that the new comic just came out today?#maybe#oh well#I never post things at the optimal time anyways
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them: is this the hill you want to die on?
me: no, but it’s where I’ll leave your corpse
#back on my bullshit#anyways#almost sliced part of my finger off with a knife today#it must run in the family#bc my grandfather once got his finger chopped off by a chainsaw#they never found the finger btw#also it was his ring finger? we aren’t entirely sure how he did that without getting any other fingers#I am actively crying#I think I’m in shock#I do not handle blood well#OH YES#I fainted#that is very much also a thing that happened#lol#delete later#this is how I handle inconveniences now I guess#straightupchaos#more like straight up LOSING MY MIND#but everything is fine. triple antiseptics. if it’s still a problem tomorrow superglue fixes all#yeah this family vacation is going GREAT#seriously: I am having a good time despite the injury#does this count as a life update?#I think it does#no promises what fics are getting done LMAO
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Bianca & Adan
[wip here]
My Art Ish Thing Tag (Choices Edition): @storyofmychoices @aallotarenunelma @twinkleallnight @thosehallowedhalls @dutifullynuttywitch
#choices ame#choices america's most eligible#bianca sandoval#playchoices#my art ish thing#i polish nothing#does this still count to the monthly challenge since his tattoo is still visible haha kidding#my oc: adan mcintyre#two more stops today#can confirm iowa is still very iowa-y#so back on the road in a bit after i finish my yogurt and coffee and newspaper#(or until I get sick of listening to the couple hissing at each other at the table next to me…#…she is not pleased that he packed her bag because apparently he did it all wrong…#…i feel sorry for him and wanna just unpack her bag right here in the breakfast area and tell her well than maybe she should do it herself..#…but i won’t though i am trying to convey my sympathy to the poor thing)#in game refs used#clothing refs used
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How tf do people light outdoor renders???? Especially at night???? Someone save me. I'm dying over here, and it looks terrible.
#morrigan.txt#delete later#I'm so mad that this one is being a pain in the ass because it was SUCH a cool idea too.#(ty angel. who will never see this post bc she doesn't have tumblr.)#also my blender has been being SUPER weird today.#first 3.6 randomly adds squiggles to carrion that stay even after I delete all of his materials and he's just a white shape with squiggles.#then I start working in 3.3 and for SOME UNGODLY REASON the lights are super fucked and I have to turn them up to 1-4k watts#to get the them to show up. Which is insane because usually my lights are at 73-300 watts.#and then I open the 3.3 file into 3.6 and the squiggles problem is fixed but the lights are still being weird.#and I don't know how to light outdoor nighttime scenes so this render looks like ass right now.#I'm gonna go to bed and hopefully I'll make more sense tomorrow... [*sigh*]#probably for the best that I get some sleep tho bc I've gotten less than 5 hours of sleep for the past 3 or more nights in a row.#it's to the point where I fucking forgot it was nighttime and I saw a discord timestamp saying 11pm and I was like ''wait what.'' bc I was#convinced it was 2pm. I'm not even sure WHY I thought that bc I had dnd at 1:30pm and then had dinner at 6:30 so like...#my only guess is that I'm so exhausted my brain is starting to play tricks on me. But I don't *feel* tired.#as my Sunday dnd group would say I'm just getting into character to play Rook tomorrow.#but the funny thing is that he's actually going to have gotten more sleep last night than he has in a WHILE.#I mean it's bc he was on the edge of death and unconscious for a really long time but... it counts right?????#the sad part is that he can't wake up tho so he can't escape the demon lord haunting his dreams.#and then when he DOES wake up he has to deal with an arcanaloth woman that the entire party forgot about except for me and the DM#even though she literally told us the exact date she would come back on.#so that's gonna be fun. God I can't wait. I should go to bed so tomorrow comes faster lmao.#well ''tomorrow''. it's already sunday here technically. just past midnight.#okay that's enough tags rambling for now lmao.
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look okay it's bad to erase marvin's canonical sexuality and the fact that She Likes Men but i literally genuinely with all my heart think that she is a trans woman
#the repetition of in trousers = gender roles forced on him#i'm still alive and sick of counting#something's missing in my life... i have a family#i love being marvin SHE IS SOOO IN DENIAL#banging his groin with his fist#SHOULD HIS MOTHER BE BLAMED.#i tell him he's a person- he says i'm just ridickalous#btw she is literally distancing herself from her body and sense of self... man i can't begin to express how feral i am about this.#uhm also projecting onto miss goldberg because she is “perfect womanhood”#miss goldberg is transition goals#no literally she's obsessed with her !!!!#“made me what i am today” COME ON. FUCK.#also the constant references in both in trousers and falsettos to marvin being a boy. internalised transphobia you will never understand her#she's so attached to the women in her life and fails to be a “good man” for them as she tries to fit herself into a typical male role#and she's unclear and simplistic over typical male family roles (eg “daddy makes good money // that's what daddy's for)#“listen i'm a bastard bummer with a penis” she's so in denial my lord#a person who likes to lie too much SHE IS LYING TO HERSELF 😭#i try too much to impress other people#her suicidal thoughts as well! she is contantly thinking about how she will die or what will happen when she dies or whatever#LITERALLY DEADNAME.#how the body falls apart first the groin and then the heart..! she literally only considers her value as a man to be her groin#and even then she fucking hates it#uhm and also i feel him slippimg away. of course you do#“HE” is liyerally dying.#“people might ask does he feel awful that and was he grieved”#i'm done i'm tired now. maybe more coming soon#also pavelkaramazov if you see this *I* sent the in trousers ask i was just on anon because i hate my main blog#in trousers#marvin trilogy
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8 June 2011
On this date in 2011, the above headline is published on the Beatles Bible to no comment.
#I'm glad they're getting along so well#does this even count? idc this is my blog#today in the life#paul mccartney#George Martin#yoko ono#cirque de soleil#11 June#2011
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If you want actually good BL reccs, I've been reading Cherry Magic recently and it's v sweet.
I also read this other one a while ago that was wholesome in a weird way: "My quiet best friend's just tongue-tied"
dude do u know what this ask feels like? like... me: *puts down the toxic high school BL midway through* *heavy sigh* *takes a swig of lavender lemonade* why tf all these yaois so damm .. i don't know. sigh. this is a young man's game. maybe i'm not fit for this no mores anon: hey so i heard u like wholesome and probably not teens *slides recs over* me: either i am unbelievably easy to read or you're just a seasoned BL sommelier. thank u dearly, anon
#not nu🦀#i am having a very good time with cherry magic rn#i read the tongue-tied one first bc i liked the look of the art more#and it was shorter. so. i figured i could finish it quick *rubs palms*#BUT DUDE i see what you mean by 'weird wholesome' for that one#because there were several times when i was side-eyeing severely. they about to make me walk away..#and even more times i wanted to slap protag upside the head#IDIOCY AND IGNORANCE HAVE THEIR LIMITS. YOU ARE BEYOND HOPE#but i still finished it which means that ur rec was COMPLETED and thus a SUCCESS#then i looked at cherry magic like. hm. idk bro. this art isn't really jamming with me#(2.6 minutes later) DUDE I LOVE THIS IT IS LIGHTING UP MY LIFE AND REINVIGORATING MY ANCIENT JOINTS#it is also much longer than i expected. which is GREAT bc then i get more silly 30 year olds falling in doki#me ringing the bell like um. excuse me. when do i get my wizard powers? or does (XYZ) count as *censored* and thus disqualify me? 😂#today i confirm that i should trust internet anon instead of my local library. er. at least regarding gay little love stories#i say CONFIRM because i done knew. but. well. we can learn the same thing over and over i guess#feesh answer
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hi casttitio warriors how's everyone doing this fine evening
cringetober 9 - rarepair
at my last count there's only 7 things for these two in the ao3 tag which is a travesty if you ask me. but definitely makes these two a rarepair
#i was gonna post one of the arise or 3h fics im working on but um. they're getting very long. and i'm not ready to post them anytime soon.#so i'm still late for this prompt BUT ONLY BY A DAY#i started this like aaaaages ago but finished it up today.... does it still count for this sort of challenge. idc#may as well tag it. not that its my best work#t#my art#cringetober#octopath traveler 2#octopath ii#castti florenz#partitio yellowil#casttitio#castitio#.....do they have a ship name? does anyone else post about them? if you got this far hiiiii comrade
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Screaming crying scratching at the walls of my enclosure because it’s now somehow necessary to not just use social media but excel at it to even be considered for any of my dreams jobs??!?! Since when do I need 30k followers to be good at something other than a popularity contest?? Why does follower count matter to how good of an artist, writer, or general creator I am? I shouldn’t be required to know how to market and pander to the masses when all I want to do is create art! I just want to make things! I don’t care about selling them to the most people ever! I don’t care about notoriety! I’m a creator! I. JUST. WANT. TO. CREATE!!!
#sorry for the rant#it just makes me so mad that there is no more creation without gratuitous self marketing#I see so many posts from artists (tattoo artists especially) where they’re talking about not getting hired until they have 30k+ followers#this is insane!!! thousands of followers from all over will not directly contribute to your business outside of marketing#which should be the studios burden. not the artists#you want customers for your shop? Pay for an ad#it’s not your artists job to serve as your main source of marketing#the same with writing books#it used to be you turned in your manuscript- got chosen- and the publishers would market it for you#now it’s all about clout#your following#publishers are actually choosing books based on follower count bc they want a guaranteed sell#they’ll choose these books in favor of actual well written pieces bc the author had no following#it’s disgusting#the introduction of social media to the artistic process was insidious and cruel#you think this isn’t negatively affecting the quality of todays literature?#go look at the sun and it’s shade#horribly written book#no clear world building or any real sense of plot or genuine storytelling#but does it have thousands of sales! the author had thousands of followers on booktok#so of course it’s good!#right?#RIGHT?!?!
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cant share any more spoiler free snippets so as todays teaser have some of @lila-ramonda's commentary in the google doc :) ♡
#well!!! today is thursday and its almost over which means its already almost friday and that means its nearly time for spoilers without#context saturday which then means the next day is holidate update sunday yippee!#holidate spoilers#does this even count as spoilers?#based on the comments what can you tell about the chapter. theyre being silly aaaaand are having feelings. wink wink
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I wonder how many tags i can add on to this
#there must be SOME kind of a limit otherwise posts would get suuuuuuper duper long like is it just 30?#idk but i'm going to find out by simply maxxing out the character limit for each tag and finding out the limit of tags for each post lololo#this is gonna be great. i just have to remember to type without ever using the comma. it shouldn't be too hard right? fuck i almost typed#the comma i'm already bad at this smh my head. also if your still here i commend you. you have a better attention span than i do.#i'm already starting to get bored holy shit this is not happening. i gotta power through this. FOR SCIENCEEEEEEEEEE. or somethinggggggggggg#but fr idk what else to say. maybe just saying that i don't know what to say will be good enough? but does that even count?#I don't even know anymore. ffffffffuck. this is gonna be a while huh? also holy shit if you're still here omg u deserve like. a prize or#something because u definitely didn't have to stay and read all of this bull shit. lololol i typed out bs but decided to just spell the who#thing out just to make it go by faster. i'm so lazy. this is only the nineth tag HOW will i make it to 30. i am sobbing the adhd is adhding#very hard rn. are you still here? bruh this is insane. i have somehow managed to keep ur attention this long and it's just me spouting#absolute balderdash. wait do you know what balderdash even means? i don't care if you do already i'm gonna tell you anyway. balderdash is#basically just another word for nonsense. boom. you learned something new today. balderdash equals nonsense equals this damn post.#why did i decide to do this in the first place. it was a dumb idea. i don't know if i can even keep going. this is only the *counts tags*#it's the 14th tag. we've got a long way to go boys. men. soldiers. comrads. friends. besties peeps. marshmallows.#where was i going with this? oh yeah. trying to max out the limit for tags. dang i almost typed a comma there. i haven't done that since#i think the third or fourth tag. dang that feels like such a long time ago. not for you guys probably. it feels longer because i have to li#type it all out and stuff. so it's definitely gonna feel longer for me. are you still here? good lord don't you have better things to#be doing than reading all of this? we're already on tag number 18. it feels like i should be on the thirtyeth by now. or however it's spell#'toast' you might be wondering 'why are you typing out the names of the numbers instead of say '9' or '5'?' well you see. young one.#this is a strategy i'm using to make each tag slightly longer. even if i don't know how to spell it. it'll make it just a little bit longer#anyway. i got off topic. not that there was ever a topic to begin with. unless it's about making this as long as i can.#which i am apparently good at doing. i guess. are you STILL here? do you seriously have nothing to do? i guess i'm flattered you stayed thi#whole time. instead of reading something else you stayed here. with me. listening to me talk. on the twenty-third tag. oh yeah its tag 23#except now it's tag twenty-four. how crazy is that. this little talk is almost over. only 6 tags away if memory serves right. this's strang#i kind of don't want this to end. but i know it should. after all there is a limit. but all things must come to and end at some point i gue#i'm running out of things to say. it's probably a good thing it's almost over. hahahahah............... but i don't want to go. i don't wan#to leave this post. i've worked so hard on it. and for what. just for it to end. are you still here? yes? good. i'd hate to end this alone.#thank you for indulging me and my craziness. the end is only 2 tags away now. you can go ahead and leave. i'll be okay on my own. really...#...you're still here? i- i don't know what to say. i suppose a toast is in order. perhaps. for this journey. this stupid dumb post i though#would be fun. i'll make it short. it's the last tag after all. this was fun. but i will never do it again. so long as a i live. i'll miss y
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needed to leave money in a coworker's tip cup without her knowing it was from me and the best strategy I could come up with on the spot was to tell another coworker out loud that I was putting money in her tip cup (obviously I did put some in her cup too, that'd be terrible to lie about!) and she gave me a hug that I really did not feel I deserved but actually I think she took that as me being supportive when she was having a difficult day so net positive even though I lowkey was not thinking that much because I was overthinking an unrelated situation
#a sock speaks#ocd tag#work tag#person 2 is a newbie who got left to sink or swim today and had many many mistakes. a situation I find deeply relatable.#I told her the money was bc she bussed so many of my tables. she did bus them and it was a big help.#been having money related compulsions lately. I have to do some of these dealings but others are definitely compulsions. lotta gray area to#I'm going to work on that. but it was just so funny#I've been thinking about how my least favorite#interruption: we need a word that's like favorite but for things that are bad#my disfavored part of having OCD is that all my worrying and obsession and lack of peace does not make me a good person#and sometimes in fact makes it harder to treat others well#but this was the reverse#what do you mean I can make someone feel loved and supported without thinking about it or even really trying#that does not compute!#and if I think about it yes of course I want her to feel loved and supported and I'm willing to invest time effort and resources toward it#so maybe it counts
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Today is a... "I'm going to read as much as I can" day
#for the past few days I've been getting 300-1000ish words a day#Just to get back in the swing of things#Except yesterday in which case I ended up studying French for two hours (... Accident.) and then through sleep deprivation had a Massive#migraine#I get the feeling sleep deprivation Will be a thing today too HOWEVER. However.#I'm going to be just... Reading through a bunch of stuff I like.#Specifically my husband's book+rereading a little bit of bsd+rereading a little bit of Pandora Hearts#does it count as rereading if I haven't touched it since like. 2008. does it really.#at this point I might as well consider PH Fresh Eyes#I did remember a lot more than I expected to though#ANYWAYS that's aside the point#I would like to reread part of SBG and Lumine too but those are lower on the list rn @_@#Ainsley.txt
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...
#ever sit like a corpse in your own body?#im doing a job i wasnt designed for. theres this funny thing we do in academia where we beg for money. write in consise phrasing why we#deserve funding. what it is about our project what it is about our personhood that makes us deserving. what we're doing in our present to#give back and ensure a better future. and i can pull together a description of a nervous kid who couldn't read but loved to learn anyway.#who didnt kno how to hold proper a conversation until college and so tried and got better at ppl. who wouldnt let a language problem get in#the way of information gain. who cares about making complicated info visually digestible. and that's a nice story. but it falls apart when#projected into the future. what r u doing for the future? im just trying to continue existing#dont u want to help other ppl like u? sure but i dont have anything nice to say to them. does it ever get easier? no. it probably never will#ur brain was not built for reading. sometimes things r just terrible and u have to accept that. develop a crippling mental disorder or do#something where u dont have to read. see. not helpful. bad attitude. im just too full of blood and broken glass. all my achievements r#stained red and it hurts to look at them. to get myself to function i have to squeeze so tight i can feel the strain in my head. and even#then its not enough. do u kno what its like to spend ur whole life building something only to watch it burn to ashes in front of u? just a#broken machine rotting away underground where no one will see it. but dont let things fester. speak up if somethings wrong. and say what?#lmao i wrote this last night and then today when my advisor was like: hows it going? do u feel like u have enough time to get everything#done? and i had the gall to be like *voice strained high to prevent crying* its alright i think ive got enough time. bc yea technically i#think there r enough hours in yhr day that if i really tried i could get it all done. but that doesn't count the time i spend laying with#thr absolute desolation of my mind. so no. there isnt enough time bc im not doing well. but there's nothing he can do abt it so ya kno#whats the point in talking abt it except to say ya sorry im such a wretched miserable person. i dont kno how to fix it. my enthusiasm is#hidden under layer upon layer of pain. i burnef out before even getting here and im only making it worse#but whatever ill see my therapist Tuesday#unrelated
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this sucks so much ass i should be able to sue and i fucking mean that
#LIKE WE ARE GOING ON WEEK THREE OF THIS TORMENT AND I HAVENT GOTTEN ANY LESS SANE#IM SERIOUS WHEN DOES THIS SHIT GO AWAY#im fucking. im erratic!!! im lightheaded my CHEST HURTS i cant BREATHE im borderline getting vertigo here this SHOULD COUNT AS A SICKNESS I#SHOULD BE ABLE TO CALL IN SICK TO SCHOOL BECAUSE OF THIS MASSIVE BULLSHIT#SORRY? ANY LESS SANE I MEANT ANY MORE SANE FFS#i talked to someone in my real actual life about this today and they were like yeah it sounds like ur going insane lol. THANKS I KNWOW#THIS IS SO CRAZY EMBARRASSING!! HEY!!! THIS IS SO CRAZY EMBARRASSING and on top of that theres no WAY this is going to work#like lets get worst case scenario here folks lets say i do talk to them and theyre like woah! hey! i like you too! :]#theres no way im not fucking stupid and dont immidiately shoot myself in the foot with it theres no FUCKING way#ugh i already know myself. i KNOW ill be like well thats a bad idea actually!!!! bc youre great and fucking. brilliant and personable and#totally gorgeous and EVERYONE likes you and theres no way in hell my dumb ass isnt just going to drag you down!!!!#theres no WAY you dont deserve better than this!! theres no POSSIBLE world where you don't have better options!!!#ugh doesnt THAT just reek of insecurity or just being a lil shyyy but i MEAN IT. I TOTALLY MEAN IT. ugh. i hate it here i hate it here i ha
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