#<- PLEASE THEY KEEP PUTTING ME IN THERE ....... IM JUST AUTISTIC GET ME OUT !!!!!!!!!!!! WHY DOES MY COLLEGE DO THIS WHAT

[butchdykekondraki]

jay. jay. the whole time ive been in the uk its always been polly pocket. maybe u are just special

btw i dont have goat pics but i have a funny story. one time i said jokingliy in a discord 'should i go and feed my nans goat' at night. because the farm was only like twenty minutes away. so i walked up there with a frozen burger patty in my hands. like this was winter and i was in my pjs carrying a frozen patty. so i got there. couldnt find gerald but one of the sheep were there. so i was sat on the fence and threw this fucking burger patty in the darkness for gerald. then he came and headbutted the fence and i fell off. hes evil

slavicingo my friend u sound insane 4 this one ^__^ /aff

[drchucktingle]

my masks

hey there buckaroos. due to all of the attention the TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION situation has gotten i am going to take a minute to talk about my personal way as an autistic buckaroo. im going to tell you about my masks.

im doing this for a few reasons, some are good FUN reasons full of love and some are not so great. 

lets start with the GOOD STUFF. first of all, i am talking about this because speaking on my way can help other buckaroo feel more comfortable speaking on there own way, ESPECIALLY if they are good at ‘passing’ for neurotypical like chuck is. 

unfortunately the NOT SO GREAT reasons im talking about all this dang stuff are two fold. reason one: i have been put into a position of having to explain and justify my needs and boundaries by the TXLA. this is not something that i WANT to be taking up all of my time, but when large organizations do not make space for those who they have pledged to support, it puts us smaller buckaroos into position where were have to defend our existence. it is not plesent but it is necessary.

the second NOT SO GREAT reason is that ‘passing’ bisexual and autistic people like myself are ALWAYS just seconds from being gatekept from folks both outside and inside these communities. there will probably be a day on chucks deathbed where i take off my mask and say hello to this timeline (mostly so you can all see how handsome i am under here but I DIGRESS). i KNOW with absolute certainty (the same way other bi and autistic buckaroos are probably nodding along right now) that when that day comes i will STILL be accused of ‘not being real’ and ‘faking’ because i ‘dont look autistic’ and i have a beautiful ladybuck partner in sweet barbara.

ALL THAT IS TO SAY, i am taking a moment today to talk FOR THE RECORD about my neurodigence and my particular needs. hopefully i will not have to keep diving this deep every time an organization takes a discrimantory action against me, but i will also say this: at least it is a good fight on an important battlefield

anyway buds, here is the story of my way on the spectrum

when i was a young buckaroo i knew that my thought process was different. i could socialize easily, which is unique in contrast to many autistic buds (it is a spectrum after all), but my social ease was for an interesting reason. I ALWAYS KNEW WHAT OTHERS WERE ABOUT TO SAY. it was like a strange ‘human game’ where someone would say one thing and i would think ‘well you actually mean something else’ in a sort of logical way (this is why i later related to DATA from star trek so dang much). at first i remember thinking ‘well i am just NOT going to play along with this human game’. i quickly learned neurotypical buckaroos do not like this, that there is a BOB AND WEAVE to social interactions that must be learned. 

later i realized ‘actually if i WANT to make friends and prove love is real then i can do this like an expert because i can SEE the game where most cant’. this got chuck many buds and took me on many adventures. please understand, i am not saying these connections are not important to me, they are just different. they are full of love, but i express this in my own unique way.

HOWEVER, while growing up i felt disconnected from this timeline in other ways, like an alien or a reverse twin trotting along in a world that is not quite my own. i did not feel emotions the same way my buds did. they would get upset over the ‘human game’ interactions and i would not be moved at all, HOWEVER i could see the way sunlight hit a window and start crying my dang eyes out over the beauty. so my emotion was still there and VERY STRONG, i just felt it in more existential ways (like hearing the call of the lonesome train). these days that feeling has progressed to where i am pretty much in a constant blissed out state of cosmic emotional connection (make of that last sentence what you will, but it is the truth). when i make existential posts online i am not just FIRING OFF SOME CONTENT, i really mean every word. this is really my trot.

anyway as a young buckaroo these feelings made me worry sometimes. i thought about various mental health dianosises and marked the parts and pieces that matched with myself. am i this? am i that? sometimes, instead of just being’ different’ i worried i might actually be ‘wrong’. 

when i saw david byrne on letterman in my younger days i immediately recognized something connected to myself. i thought ‘wow this is the mystery being solved before my very eyes.’ i could hear it in the music of talking heads too. i started doing research and realized that i might be on autism spectrum, something that was later confirmed by a therapist (back then the diagnosis was called asperger's). it was a glorious and fulfilling moment. i was SO EXCITED TO BE AUTISTIC LIKE MY HERO. i felt very cool because of it, and i still feel very cool because of it.

one of the big reasons i talk so much about being autistic these days is because i want to make sure OTHER buckaroos can have that same moment that i did. they can see chuck and think ‘wow i really like this autistic artist, maybe being autistic is cool’

so what does an average day WITHOUT wearing the pink bag look like for me?

my thought process is exactly like ROSE from CAMP DAMASCUS, which is part of why i wrote the book. we have the same stim (complex order of finger taps), we prepare for social interactions the same way, we analyze things in the same logical trot that neurotypical people might think feels ‘detached’ but for me feels natural (certain reviews of camp damascus are very funny to me in this way. you can tell when a reader is just very confused by existing in an autistic brain for 250 pages.)

from the outside you would not be able to tell that i am on the spectrum. in fact you would probably find me very socially adept. 

the problem is, all of that masking can take its toll. i spent years trotting in and out the emergency room, talking to confused doctors who could not figure out the chronic phantom tension and pain that radiated through my body. i eventually accepted the fact that i would either live a life constantly on heavy painkillers or just stop living altogether.

eventually, however, i started noticing a correlation between the way that i felt, and the space that i allowed for chuck and the pink mask. i was exercising that tension, allowing my mental mask of neurotypical existence to take a rest. i started practicing physical therapy and this time THE RESULTS STUCK because i was approaching from two sides, MIND AND BODY. after a while, i got my pain down to about 5 percent of what it once was. i still have flare ups in times of stress, but the healing has been very real and life changing.

lets get VERY specific now. if i attended the TXLA confrence without a mask and gave my talk i can tell you this: i would do a dang good job. i can work the heck out of a crowd and (not to reveal too much about my secret way) I HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO DO THIS ON OCCASION VERY WELL. however, going home from this event i would very likely be in pain. i would likely need to do physical therapy. i would likely need to stim for a while. i would NOT be emotionally fullfilled in the same way. in other words, without my pink mask i can charm the heck out of buckaroos, but THE SPACE OF CHUCK TINGLE IS NOT THE SPACE FOR THAT. the pink bag is a place for me to not have to put up with that tension. it is a place for me to unmask mentally by masking physically.

this pink bag space SAVED MY LIFE and i am not going to risk blurring these lines. if and when that ever happens it will be MY decision, not someone elses. that is my boundary. the part of me that neurotypically masks could handle a library conference in a purely technical sense, but the part of me that chuck represents absolutely cannot and should not be asked to do that without the pink bag. unfortunately, the complexity of this point makes it even MORE difficult for me to think about and takes up even more of my time, because it forces me to START QUESTIONING MYSELF and my own needs. to be honest, that is the most insidious part of other people questioning your identify and refusing to accept your accommodation needs without ‘proof’.

the thing is, while all of this discussion of disability and accessibility is important, i have a much larger point to make by writing these words.

a conference should not uninvite someone with an unusual physical presentation or a strange way of speaking REGARDLESS of it being classified as a disability. it does not matter WHY i look the way that i look and wear what i wear. i should not have to spend all day writing this post instead of writing my next book, just because my sensibilities are unique and my presentation is unusual. 

fortunately the solution is very simple: let other people be themselves. its not hurting you to simply accept and nod at the buckaroos you think look strange. let us exist

[into-f0lkl0re]

Get to know me!!!

my name is faye!! my pronouns are she/they

i’m a lesbian! i’m 18! turning 19 in august!

i’m actually autistic + adhd (life is a struggle) (please be patient with me because i can not read social cues for the life of me and sometimes have trouble putting my thoughts into words)

i just finished my freshman year of college!! ( very scary!)

i have been writing for my whole life but writing fanfics since i was 13 but didn’t write for a long time and only recently got back into it!! i’m currently unemployed :( and have been looking for a job in my home town! ( i’m home for the summer ) i got to college out of state! i am an art student!

huge theater kid unfortunately (almost became a musical theater major)

i’m from new england! ( big noah kahan fan)

i love concerts so so much

i have been to so many

i’m an og chappell fan (yupppp ik big bragging rights over here)

i competitively swam my whole life i also did basketball ball when i was younger

i’m horrible at spelling ( it a problem thank god for grammarly)

i love reading but haven’t had that much time lately

i’m interested in writing for the uconn wbb team and iowa wbb team and wnba and some other college players like georgia amoore (loml)

i’m also interested in writing for

munagenius

chappell roan

wnba

if you want me to write for anyone else just ask

a couple rules:

hate will not be tolerated

i am pro palestine 🇵🇸 majorly

anytime i can speak up for Palestine i will

i want to be more that a place for entertainment i want to be a support system for you guys

if you need to get something off your chest or just wanna talk bb i’m right here

i will be your online big sister🙏 (acting as if i’m not the youngest in my family)

i am not responsible for your media consumption

If i write smut i am trusting that you are of age reading it but im not your mother.

at the end of the day you are responsible for you

golden rule

not every post will be a fanfic but i do wanna write a lot

i am comfortable writing smut

i will not judge with requests but if you request something i am not comfortable doing i will prob not answer so if you don’t get an answer that is most likely why

when i write i will try to write with little to know physical descriptors unless im writing about an oc.

I want everyone to be able to enjoy my writing and not feel I am writing about a certain race or body type

i will not write about men or do person x amab reader because i’m not comfortable with that

but if yall want me to write about someone that has a particular trait (physical or personality wise just ask because i will if requested)

everything i write is COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!!! In no way shape or form am i assuming somebody’s sexuality or gender identity or even who they are as a person. it is none of my business. so please keep that in mind.

i will make a master list so it’s easier to find my work i just have no idea have to do that so… (if anyone knows how please help🙏)

Big thing!!

I am a person like the rest of you. someone who is constantly growing and evolving. if you find something in my work incorrect or inaccurate please tell me anonymously or not

I really appreciate that kind of thing and i am all for growing and changing to become a more educated person

just be kind i feel there is a lack of kindness today and i think we all could use a little kindness

big forehead kissed💕

-faye

[changbinsboobs]

Кто в SKZ является нейроотличным и к какому «типу» он относится

PLEASE THIS SUB-CLAUSE I BEG🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻😔😔😔

Who in Skz is neurodivergent and what type are they?

Omg i just wann crawl into a hole and rot😭 i wrote SOOOOOOO much in this post. Sooooooo much!!!!!!!! And i went out of the app for a sec to check something and when i came back it was ALL gone😭 now i don't even wanna do it anymore😤 but still i have already committed so i guess im just gonna do it in a different format where i just give my quick opinion and then in a different post some other time explain in detail. I swear im so angry I've had this in my drafts for so long and everytime i start it somethmg happens and i camt fi ish it😭

*Also, put short, im not a professional nor a psychology major. This post is not based on tarot - all of it is based on my personal observations, experiences, opinions and the energy I've picked up from them from previous readings. Take it all with a grain of salt and remember i don't know the idols personally and i do not state facts. This is just a lighthearted post based on my opinion.

Chan - ADHD, OCD

He has mentioned the ocd himself while talking about red lights. He said tho that he thinks its not really ocd but something of that sort. In my experience ocd is heavily influenced by the level of dysregulation in your nervous system so if you're well regulated, even during stressful times, the ocd doesn't show as strongly as to be pathological. Once ur dysregulated tho it is definitely there and it depends on you how bad you let it get. So i for sure think he has it, its just not as intense for him to be diagnosed, which speaks good for him actually cuz i never thought someone under so much stress could keep himself so regulated, especially taking in mind his sleep and eating routine.

As for the adhd its just pretty obvious i think. Tho i believe he medicates it, espc since seungmin once mentioned something about chan having forgotten to take his meds today hence why he's all over the place.

Lee Know - On the spectrum

I did a long, long, detailed paragraph on autism and at the end described why i think lee know falls under it, but im so angry i don't wanna do it all over again right now. If you're interested on more details u can send a request and whenever i feel like it I'll do a post like that.

Changbin - On the spectrum

Same here, i just started to describe why i think he falls under the spectrum and then everything got deleted😭. Changbis paragraph is different tho. Why i think he's on the spectrum is because of his genius-like abilities in many if not all fields. He gives me wunderkind vibes. And i habe also picked up on him being the goat when he was a kid, but as he grows up the abilities and sureness he once had as a kid isn't there anymore or way less. Yk the autistic "trope" of being the wunderkind and them growing up into the burned out adult with so much lost potential. He give's me a bit of that vibe. He's also extremely sensitive and intuitive and has incredible attention to detail and patterns. He has such a unique sense for music and creation - in his field of music and rap he really is a genius. He calls himself a prodigy when little and i actually believe that (even if the members dont🥲😂) and even if he's very well liked by lots of people because of his great qualities as a human, he seems ufjfjf idk how to describe it. Like he's not integrated in with them (im talking about the group) but he's watching from outside. He's always the but of the joke, he's always the rejected one, he's always somehow different than them and doesn't quite fit in the group. In the sense that it feels like he doesn't get fully and completely accepted in a large group setting. I think he does grate one on one or in small 3 people groups, but once theres a small society - he's the left one out. I have so much more to say about all of this but once again - i think I'll leave it for another post when i get the inspiration for it.

Hyunjin - /

Han - Autistic for sure!

Yeah there's lots to unpack here to, cuz i habe so much "evidence" i think I'll actually might even do it on twitter as a thread cuz id like to include clips and stuff to be able to really analyse it, and here i cant really do that so - yeah look forward to it:)

Felix - ?

i have no fck idea to be honest. Maybe cptsd? But he also gives me vibes of dyslexia or something of that sort. Im not too familiar with it, so i can't say for sure but i have noticed he has speaking and learning problems so if you know any better than me please give suggestions. Cuz ain no way he's neurotypical. Also by speaking problems i mean I've noticed a difficulty in him of forming a coherent sentence or he just talks but its all nonsense.

Seungmin - /

I.N - /

[specialagentlokitty]

Brennan(bones) x reader - routine

Can you please do Brennan x autistic reader? It's been a while since I last watched Bones. I can't remember if it was actually confirmed, or not, that Brennan was on the spectrum. - Anon💜

Sitting in the office, you looked at the cup in front of you then to the FBI agent who was stood in the doorway.

“You’re not going to drink it?” He asked.

“(Y/N) doesn’t like coffee, or other people making their food and drinks.”

Booth looked at Brennan a little confused.

“I watched them eat Chinese the other day.”

“Yes, but I had to try it first, to make sure it was okay. They’re very food conscious.”

Booth nodded his head a little, and pointed to the cup.

“It’s tea.”

Brennan walked over, taking the cup she took a sip from it.

Walking over to her desk she pulled out a box and opened it, putting some sugar in she walked over and handed the cup over to you.

Taking it, you took a sip and looked at her, smiling a little bit.

“I won’t be much longer.” She said.

“Okay. I can wait here.”

“Good, I’ll have Booth wait here with you.”

You nodded and she left, and you carried on drinking your tea, checking your watch.

“Are you in a rush?” Booth asked.

Walking over, he sat in front of you.

“It is nearly 7pm.” You said.

“What does that mean?”

You stood up, setting your cup down you left the office and stood below the desk.

You looked at Brennan as she spoke to some of her colleagues.

“Somebody is waiting for dinner.” Hodgins chuckled.

“Right, sorry. I’ll be back in an hour.”

Brennan left the desk and walked over to you, holding up a hand to you.

“I’ll get my bag and then we’ll go.”

“Okay.”

Looking back up at the deck, you watched as Angela walked over, leaning on the railing with a grin on her face and she smiled at you.

“You haven’t come around here recently, is everything okay?” She asked.

“There was construction outside my building, I didn’t want to leave because of it, so I stayed inside and Brennan would come to mine instead.”

She nodded her head.

“So, what do you think of Booth?” She asked.

“He made my drink wrong.”

Angela laughed.

“He never makes us drinks, so you’re lucky there.”

“You should tell him to make you a drink.”

“I’ll try that, she’s back you should get going.”

Turning around, you looked at Brennan and walked over to her.

Standing in front of her, you narrowed your eyes a little bit.

“You don’t want to leave.”

“No, I need to work. But I know you need to eat at certain times, so I can just come back afterwards. It’s fine.”

You looked at your watch.

“It’s okay, I can go and eat. You need to work.”

“I’m more than happy to come with you.”

“It’s okay, you like working. I don’t mind.”

You smiled a little bit and Brennan smiled at you, leaning forward she kissed your cheek and handed you her purse.

“Can you bring me back something?”

“Yes, I will bring your favourite.”

“That’s perfect, thank you so much. Im sorry.”

You smiled a little and walked away.

Brennan gestured to her office and everybody followed here there so they could talk about what they had found.

Exactly an hour later you came back, and you walked into her office.

“Here you go.”

Handing her the food and her purse, you sat down next to her on the couch, taking one of the photo’s on the table.

You looked at it while they spoke, and you handed it to Brennan who took it from you so you could pick up another one.

“Bones why does your partner keep taking the photos?” Booth asked.

“(Y/N) can connect everything together in a way we can’t. Their favourite thing to do is spot abnormalities in photos and X-rays.” Zach said.

They all looked at you picking up photos and passing them to Brennan when you were done looking at them.

When you were done, you looked at Brennan.

“What did you find?” She asked.

“He was set on fire.”

“What else?”

“He was covered in gasoline, but he was already dead.”

“You’re pretty good, where did you learn that?” Booth asked.

You gestured to Brennan who was looking over the photos you had just gone through.

“I taught them everything they know, they were curious about my work.” She said.

Brennan set the photos down, and she looked at you.

“That doesn’t explain the marks we found.”

You looked at her.

“No.”

Sitting up, you looked at Hodgins who looked at you.

“I want to see what you found.”

“Sure, come on.”

Brennan held her hand in front of you to make you stop.

“No, you need to go home. It’s getting late.”

“But you’re here.”

“I’ll go with you, we can work tomorrow. You like routine, you’ll get stressed out if you don’t follow it.”

“Okay.”

Brennan got everything ready, and she took you back to your apartment, watching as you did your usual routine.

Sitting on your bed with you, she watched as you checked the time again before you opened your book to begin reading.

“How did you know about the fire?” She asked.

“His bones have ash on them, and look slightly burned.”

Brennan glanced at you.

“You read the police report.”

You stayed quiet and she sighed.

“You remember what happened the last time?” She asked.

“I was arrested.”

“Yes, exactly. So, stop stealing files from booth. Where did you hide it?”

You pointed to the bedside cabinet next to her and she opened it to find the file.

Looking at you she shook her head with a little smile.

“Through your busy day you found time to steal the file?”

“I always have time. You work a lot, I enjoy coming to work with you.”

“You do work with me.”

“Sometimes.”

Brennan sighed a little bit.

“I know I work a lot, I know sometimes it annoys you, I’m sorry.”

“You like working, I like you, so I don’t mind.”

Brennan smiled at you, resting her head on your shoulder and you placed your hand on her head, patting it a little.

“I like you too.”

Brennan knew you wouldn’t tell her you loved her, the closest she would get right now was you saying you liked her was as close as she would get.

And it made it easier for her as well.

Neither of you were used to relationships or navigating something like this, it was new for the pair of you, but she wouldn’t change it for the world

[gagsolineoilrefinery]

brian headcanons? pretty please

Smiles so big and wide at you yes absolutely I love that little freak

putting under a read more for convenience's sake

- I'm 100% a Bug Brian truther, that man is an insect you can't convince me otherwise, I like to think he can make weird little chittering noises and climbs up walls with his hands and feet for enrichment

- He's trans and has no last name because he didn't care enough to pick a new one so he went with none, acts all mysterious about it because he thinks it makes him look cool

- This man needs glasses so fucking badly but after a litany of "nerd" comments growing up he refuses to wear them, has attempted contacts but cant get them in his eyes for the life of him

- He would genuinely rather die than go to the factory, he does all his needed repairs on himself unless he's forced to (usually by Ben or William)

- He gets along with his co workers in, his own way when he's forced to interact with them. He does not understand how to behave "appropriately" around other people, he's my favorite rude autism icon (he is going to insult your intelligence at any given opportunity with what he sees as good intentions and does not understand why everyone hates him)

- I'm also a Bellthinker truther I think that british man should kiss that bug right on the brain dome and make him so flustered his systems soft reset

- Every time theres a meeting that he's in the second he's at the front of the room the entire mood changes because everybody knows he's gonna have a whole presentation planned thats no less than 1 hour long, and he will yell at you if you try to stand up for any reason

- I like to think living in the heart of toontown (right in the playground no less) definitely has some side effects on him, the silliness is rubbing off on him more than he realizes, most obviously things like his brain exploding comically when he starts baby raging

- Im sorry this man is absolutely a cog reddit user (coggit? idk) you can't change my mind, hes a power mod and proud of it, keeps getting talked to for using it on company time though

- He's very attatched to the Desk Jockeys but absolutely hates to admit it, I like to think its a Dr. Robotnik with Scratch and Grounder type dynamic (thinking especially like that one scene where Robotnik says "I don't even know why I bother to repair you guys, I suppose I'm too sentimental" shit like that)

- With his dynamics with the other toontown central managers, I think he actually feels very guilty about the incident that happened with Buck- but instead feigns a petty hatred for him so nobody will ask him about it and he doesn't have to admit how monumentally he fucked up

- He's on relatively chill terms with William, they're both angry big mouthed autistic people who do not know how to shut up so they mesh pretty well, I think they like to fight eachother to let off steam and then makeup immediately after, Brian isn't too fond of the whole oil leakage problem thing though because it makes a mess of his basement but he doesn't exactly hold it against him since he knows he can't help it

- When he can spare the time he loves poking around in the systems of his co workers just to see how they operate out of morbid curiosity and to see how he can make the jockeys more efficient, he's on that medic tf2 shit, not many of them let him do it though (understandably so)

- Probably went to whatever the cog equivalent of medical school was but lost his medical license after The Buck Incident™️

(And I think thats probably good for now because I am dangerously treading the line of infofumping about my AU sorry I have so many thoughts about this creature)

[skiddlecat]

what are the rain world aus saying to you

your ass is so lucky you sent this right before my bedtime. anyway you will regret this

under the cut is spoilers for taking life as is by @nerdydowntherabbithole and their little world rebuilt by @exx-bee, both on a03. i'm only talking about these two because i know i have So much to say that i won't have the time to talk about the other aus i'm being autistic over, so that'll have to wait. im tired please enjoy my uber autism

WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN WITH TAKING LIFE AS IS. there is just sooo much i could mention but one thing i've talked about over and over again and refuse to shut up about is the building tension between moon and pebbles. throughout the fic, pebbles keeps trying to talk about his feelings on the whole Killing Her thing, and each time moon shuts him down with a "don't you start now" or something along those lines, because she wants to move on.

what she DOESN'T REALIZE THOUGH is that this!!! is not how it works!!! it's understandable that after everything she's in her live laugh loce era but at the same time she is ignoring all negative feelings and pushing them aside to the point of toxic positivity! pebbles *needs* to be allowed to feel bad and grieve!! he won't be able to move on if his feelings are constantly being disregarded!! sometimes things just have to be bad, and yeah! it sucks! but it's better for him to feel like shit sometimes than to suck it all up and have a massive breakdown later! he's ALREADY bad at communicating his feelings and this isn't helping!!!

moon isn't doing it on purpose obviously, she just wants everyone to be happy, but GOD if it isn't clear that it's hurting pebbles. i feel like this is gonna snowball into a massive fight because this whole problem is clearly starting to piss him off.

and their little world rebuilt... hoop boy. for not pebbles and moon related thoughts, i loove how much of a little shit ui is and how so obviously violent they feel towards pebbles. does he deserve it? probably not. but they are SUCH a brat and im living for it

and suns... SUNS... WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS... the tube. the fucking tube why did they put themself in the tube. ohhh my god suns i love you but you're sooo stupid. you and your messenger just have fresh trauma now. good job

BACK TO MOON AND PEBBLES. the contrast between their goals is honestly kind of funny. moon wants to repair her can now that she's a slugpup and while pebbles ALSO wants to repair her can, he also wants to dive into the void sea hesd first and never be seen again. WHICH WON'T WORK BY THE WAY. HE ALREADY WANTED TO DIE BUT NOW IT'S PARTIALLY FUELLED BY A DESIRE FOR PUNISHMENT WHICH IS *NOT* LETTING EVERYTHING GO, HIS ASS WOULD ECHO. his ass might not even make it to the void sea before guardians kick hm out. hes too young.

oh and. of course i can't forget-- Pebbles Is Going To Lose it When He Gets To Moon And She Isn't There. like getting moon neurons and a rarefraction cell is his ONLY will to live right now and it's been established iterator puppets disappear when they get scugged. he's gonna think she's sooo dead because he won't be in the right mindset to consider she's also a slugpup and he's gonna spiral over it. complete breakdown. Goodbye

dear god ok. have to cut this here because the sleepy is getting me so so bad. APOLOGIES. ENJOY MY UNSKIPPABLE CUTSCENE

[my-castles-crumbling]

To Sense Anon

Hi hon! Here's the beginning of your ask so you know it's you!

Hi cas I’ve never done this before so sorry if I do anything I shouldn’t or something I don’t know but

TW: SH, SI (EXPLICIT mention)

I've copy/pasted your ask because I want to talk about a lot of it, but I wanted to put a TW.

I feel like I want to die but it comes and goes like a thought that comes and then disappears because you forgot it and then I move on.

Okay, so...this is still SI, and is concerning. I'm glad you don't have a plan or anything, but this is definitely something to tell a trusted adult about, because you dont deserve to feel that way!

Also I hurt myself and I want to stop really I do but it feels like I can’t help it. im autistic and I know it’s really bad but it sort of helps focus me when I go into sensory overload and I calm down a lot but then I get guilty. Do t worry I do know how to care for wounds properly and I’ve never done anything that requires hospital visits but I can’t tell anyone

Alright, I understand this. Can we find another way to cope when you're sensorily overwhelmed? For example, I put on noise-cancelling headphones and listen to music in the dark. What healthy things might work for you?

It kind of kills me because it feels like im overreacting like what if im faking and what if my mum is right and it’s just silly?

You're not faking, hon. Your mom isn't being very supportive right now, and you're not being silly <3

What if im not doing it right and it doesn’t count because I don’t cut (I scratch with a broken pen). But then when i do it then I realise that she probably doesn’t help and that feels so bad to say because she’s my mum

Okay so....there's no right or wrong way to SH...if you're intentionally hurting yourself, that's SH, and we need to find a different way to cope <3

Like for example when I tried to tell her that I hated myself a couple years ago she just laughed and said that I don’t know what im talking about and left the room I was 11

Or when I tried to tell her im gay she just went you just haven’t found the right man yet and walked off

Or when I tried to tell her im genderfluid and she went you’re not old enough to know that yet

I’ve given up telling her things now

I'm so sorry your mom has reacted like this. It's not fair and it's definitely not supportive. I understand why you don't want to talk to her <3

And I know it sounds horrible but I hate it when she does that. Like telling me to stop stimming because she finds it annoying or shouting at me when I was having a meltdown because me crying was distracting even though she knows I can’t help it or stop it and then I started having a panic attack and she told me off for hyperventilating and I tried to tell her she was scaring me with the shouting and that I couldn’t breathe and she said I was being stupid

Sorry about this and I feels like im a really bad person for saying this stuff but it also feels relieving to sort of get it all out if that makes sense?? It feels like im overreacting because it can’t be as bad as im making it out to be right

Sorry for venting like this but if you have any advice then I could really use it 🙂

You're not overreacting, hon. All of these feelings make sense, and I understand where they all come from. I am wondering two main things: do you maybe have another trusted adult you can talk to, outside of your mom? It's pretty clear that you're struggling, and you deserve help. Maybe if you're able to talk to a more-supportive adult, you can get the help you deserve. And second, can we maybe find some ways to cope that are healthier? Do you have strategies that you can use to replace the SH? Music, fidgets, writing, running, anything similar? There are even fidgets that give deep sensory pressure to help people who have used self-harm in the past to cope. Let me know if you want me to give you some links!

I'm always here to talk, and please keep me updated! Sending love!

[monstah-kitty-katz]

Introduction

Got inspired by other people's introduction posts so might as well do one real quick.

So hello! I'm Sasha, you can also Call me by Blake, Yami or Lavender

I'm a 20 year old autistic nonbinary artist that loves to draw my hyperfixations and Special interests

I'm a casual Anime enjoyer, Splatoon enjoyer, and Mii enjoyer

I AM THE #1 HEE-JOON DEFENDER YOU CAN TRY TO PRY THAT FROM MY COLD DEAD HANDS BUT YOU CAN'T MUHAHAHAHAHA

I will post Occasional NSFW so minors be Alert and Aware I WILL HAVE WARNINGS DON'T WORRY!

I ALSO POST CRINGE! CAUSE LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO WORRY ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE THINK! CRINGE CULTURE IS DEAD MUAHAHAHAHA

I can be awkward sometimes so please be patient with me

I use emojis to express myself

I LOVE MAKING AND TALKING ABOUT HEADCANONS FOR CERTAIN MIIS I CAN BE EXCITED TO TALK ABOUT THEM SO UH YEAH! I also can be awkward sometimes so be patient with me or if I talk over you or spam sorry about that like I said I can be excited about certain things so please be patient with me ❤️🙏🏼

And ofc My Boundaries (copied from previously my pinned post)

• When it comes to how I portray some Mii's you have to remember that my interpretation of certain Mii's may not be the same, nothing is wrong with ur interpretation of the Mii characters (as long as you don't portray them as weird or problematic, in a sense that is very insensitive or in bad faith)

•I DON'T CARE IF YOU HATE CERTAIN MII, IM MAKING FANART OF THEM BECAUSE I WANT TOO, LET PEOPLE HAVE FUN!!!

• Please no fighting over who's the best of whatever and please don't shove anyone's opinions down their throats please....

•keep in mind I WILL DO EVENTUALLY some OCCASIONAL NSFW or just suggestive art, so minors please be cautious if you do interact with my content, I don't want minors to be uncomfortable and I don't recommend following me, please go follow more SFW stuff. However I'm still not responsible for people engaging my content I even put it in my bio and I will ALWAYS put a warning to warn people ahead of time.

• any Hee-joon hate here will result into immediate blocking especially calling him a pedophile (LEAVE HIM THE FUCK ALONE)

•How I portray some Mii characters you may or may not like, remember that im making them just as flawed as we are

•please don't force me to draw your favorite Mii, besides requests are not available at this time so draw them yourself will ya :))

• NO DRAMA I CAME HERE TO HAVE FUN!!! NO DRAMA KEEP UR MUSKY MOUTH ABOUT DRAMA TO URSELF!!

•if you have beef with me then get the fuck out i dunno why ur here lmao 🤣🤣💀💀

•For the love of God please please please!!!! Be civil about my headcanons and what not I just want to share my creations and make the Mii community a better place, my goal is to clean up whatever mess there is and make the Mii community a better environment for everyone 🩷🩷🩷🩷

Edit: decided to fix some typos as well as adding more rules

• you can use my art for inspiration as long as you are not tracing it or claiming it as ur own

• Any hate comments about any other Mii or even me as a person will result in an instant blocking.

• you don't get to control what I post, I will even sometimes make art work that dives into sensitive topics so while yes I'll still have warnings it's still you're responsibility to manage your triggers and to know when to stop engaging content that's not suitable for you

I'm only here to make the Mii community a better place then it was before I know I can't really change how people feel but what I can do is ofc bring justice to certain Mii's and just overall be a positive member within the community 🩷🩷🩷💕💕💕

And ofc here are some stamps

[freeshephoun]

please please please tell your adrian headcanons im so curious!!!!! and also maybe gordon and barney if you like :]

oh boy this is gonna be a lot. apologies for any misstypes in advance!!

click to read my thoughts on the 3

okay ffirst off shephard! shes tfem which is why i will be using she/her for her. also ahes filipino-american. shephard is autistic and mute and struggles to understand the people around her sometimes. it makes her upset when she doesnt.

its a reason why she is better with aliens. they dont work like humans do and it is easier for her to connect with them even when they dont speak the same language. and the bond she has especially with spore launcher is indescribable.

spore launcher (or spore for short) is a creature she found in the black mesa facility. its an alien that, when you feed it something, it can spit it out and it works basically like a grenade launcher. at first shephard had no idea what to do with that thing. he gave it a little pat on the head and it chirped and since then theyve been best friends. you can not tear them apart.

shephard has a lot of little cat scrstches feom spores spikey exterior aswell as some acid burns here and there. it comes free with having an alien friend/pet.

Shephard also managed to get spore into stasis. everything else was taken but she could keep spore. also coming to stasis ive got some thoughts on it.

while gordon was basically in a coma in stasis, Shephard wasnt. she didnt even have a choice what to do. she was just taken and detained. and since she was detained, gman didnt put her to sleep. shephard has been in that osprey for all this time. awake. if it werent for spore she would've probably gone insane.

being in stasis also fucked up her feeling of like everything. ypu dont get tired, exhausted, hungry or thirsty. you cant even feel pain or die.

(cw sensitive topic, bit similar to sh) in an attempt to feel anything she sometimes did some stupid shit. mostly punching or slamming her body against walls or purposefully touching spores acid. that reeeeally fucked up her perception of pain and her tolerance and it still shows afterwards. (cw end)

outside of stasis she still struggles with the perception of pain. it is pretty dangerous and she basically relies on gordon or barney to tell her hey you got fucked up bad we should get you first aid.

and sometimes when she sees it she spirals down into this specific feeling where everything feels like stasis again. when was the last time she ate? why does it feel so alone again why is it so quiet? why is akl she can hear her own mind?

shes going thru it🔥🔥

jumping a bit shephard doesnt like physical touch. shes very sensitive to it and gets overwhelemed by too much physical touch. her lovd languages are acts of service. she isnt good at comforting someone or showing her care for someone so openly. its more that she guards you when around you. makes sure youre safe. you need a moment of alone time? she will make sure no one bothers you.

my friend wrote a scene that describes it perfectly so ill quote it: "In the distance, the parade could be heard. At the entrance of the alleyway, Shephard seemed to stand guard, occasionally looking back at them as the parade passed by."

for tthe other 2 and their love languages: barney is the physical affection guy. giving and receiving. hes also good at comforting people just by being there. gordon on the other hand is good with giving words of affirmation. its his love language. and on the receiving is quality time (shephard too i forgot to mention)

they are very dear 2 me.

also their fighting styles. ive thought of it before and how it differs. gordon thinks, finds an answer that works and then executes it. shephard thinks a little but she mostly just acts on instinct. and barney? hes jus tlike yeah no thinking is for nerds watch me solo this guy. hes silly like that

my friend (again) made smthg that portrays this very well: "Gordon would calculate the triangulation before he threw a grenade over a wall. Shephard would stand on a box so she could throw it over the wall without hassle. Barney would just lob it and pray"

gordon is a very sarcastic man. barney understands his saecasm oerfectly but shephard struggles to do so which is why gordon avoids sarcasm around her.

shep and barney on occasions have their 5 minutes. kind of like zoomies. it usually ends in chaos because they tried something stupid again. which is why gordon rarely allows them in his lab. actually never. but barney will still come down when it gets late and gordon hasnt even been up to eat something and basically force gordon to stop for the day.

how? he just scoops gordon up and carries him out. batney is a security guard who survived the resonance cascade, the 7 hour war, manages to get through as underciver civil service despite the hard security measures of fhe combine aswell as fighting agains the combine and staying alive for all these years. that man is strong.

he wwouldnt mamage to carry both gordon and shephard though. thats what shep does. she carries them both with one arm.

this also reminds me shephard needs a routine. she can not do without one. you will see her follow the military training camp routine eeveryday. if she doesnt do it it messes up her whole day.

also wwhile i will draw them a lot probably in their hl clothes and not hl2 clothes, if thes would have ever met its definitely in hl2 or after. i jsut dont like drawing barneys combine outfit thats why.

Shephard was thrown into the hl2 universe by gman. maybe ill even incorporate return 2 ravenholm im this if i ever elaborate on that more. she builds up her own wa yof living there. the camera drones dont manage ti actually detect her due to her gas mask. they detect humans by having a face and if they don't? thats not a human then. she doesnt know that though.

she made herself st home in an outpost outside of city 17. it used to belong to the residtance but got raided by thr combine and has since then become abandoned. at ome point shephard manages to boot up the equipment there. she gains access to a lot of old information that was stored in this outpost.

the resistance of cours enotices shit wait an old outpost was activated again whats going on there. they send a group of people to investigate but urrm uh yeah didnt work out. shephard had a little ace up her sleeve (spore and her acid). but eith that they hope to confirm it is at least not the combine because they have never used that alien species as it completely ceased to exist after the black mesa incident.

im not too sure abt thid though the way this goes might change very well depending om what i feel like.

anyway uuh sheohard goes into the city to restock some supplies. she has some good connections at this point and has heard from the resistance. and well when she goes there to restock she meets barney.

this is btw like a place where they help out citizens who are struggling, often wanted by the combine. they live off donations, mostly coming from the resistance themself.

when barney sees shephard, this guy in a fucking military uniform hes just like. boy you coming with me now. and drags her to the resistance thingy there.

or something like that. not too sure about that at all. again might change however i feel like it

also i definetly forgot a ton of things but ive been writing this for 1 1/2 hours now. if you want to know more about specific things feel free 2 aks i LOVE sharing my freeshephoun thoughts with people

also as a treat here i drew them as the power piff girls once

[haven-gum-rockrose]

tell us about riz (ask game)

RIZ RIZ RIZ BET

first impression: oh this boy has so much frantic energy omg and cares so much about this penny girl he tries so hard, hes completely not sleeping to find his only friend...... Fuck I'm gonna end up kinning this guy, aren't I. And then it just kept going

impression now: ...... he cares. so. much. i care so much. its everything and he is everything to me- i actually dont know how to express it. he's like- holy. literally, he works for heaven now. but thats not important, he is.

Favorite moment....... fuck.... hmm... god i really like his interactions with Kalina. it could be "hiss at her, litigator!" followed by him hissing in court, but thats more a fig thing so.... while its not necessarily the moment, i like what it came to mean for his character. Him stuck in the palimpsest at the arcade, having lost to Penny's game, cutting his hands digging through the crystals, simply because that is so often referred back to

HONORABLE MENTIONS BECAUSE HES MY LITTLE GUY AND FUCK IT WE BALL: "i'm really gonna spiral here" after getting his own private office to do pi shit in, him suggesting "we can throw rocks in the river" as a hangout option because his only experience with what hangouts are like comes from violent productive adventuring and also noir mystery films/books/games, Riz inventinting the Night Yorb because he couldnt just relax. HIM TALKING TO HIS MOM ABOUT LIKE- IDFK WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF OR HOW TO INTERACT WITH MY FRIENDS IF THERES NOT A PROBLEM I CAN SOLVE- like shoot me with a fucking gun why dont you- uhhhhhh... "its just a metal tube. i think its beautiful *and then i do a little dance*" ..... theres a lot imma shut up

Story idea....... shit- him hanging out with the seven. please. idk, im very content with my- WAIT NO i wouldnt write about him, but any fanfic where he interacts with jawbone(like as the guidance counselor, not as the dad of most of his friends) - head in hands-

unpopular opinion: shipping fabriz is fine. like i dont like it and any ship stuff for them i read(which i do read) i am personally interpreting as platonic cuz im really good at that, or unrequited. i know a lot of people get pressed about it cuz aroace erasure which yeah if youre changing him to demi thats a bit- or if its one of those "Pok was right, he might just be a late bloomer, lol theyre aged up and actually riz finds out he's pan lololol" thats a bit - like please stop. but if hes dating the guy as an aroace person or theyre qpring. whats the big deal. i know riz doesnt want a relationship and all but - that the point of shipping? like i know for some people its uncomfy especially with how its the most popular d20 ship(at least based on ao3), but to me its like- shipping is literally pushing together characters and its always purely self indulgent??? like ship whoever you want as long as he stays aroace. anyways i didnt need to justify myself and show both arguements like that. none of you know this guy. except two people hi eni and aether

favorite relatioship: ..... LISTEN IGNORE EVERYTHING I JUST SAID. FABIAN AND RIZ THEY ARE BEST FRIENDS FABIAN SEACASTER AND THE FUCKING BALL LIKE THEYVE COME SO FAR IN THEIR DYNAMIC ITS CHANGED SO MUCH - theyre so opposites theyre everything theyre everything THEY SHOULDNT BE FRIENDS! AND THEYRE NOT!! THEYRE BEST FRIENDS!!!! AUGH!!!

favorite headcanon: autistic and anxious...... uh..... my brain is very gone... i think he still has like a bunch of different friendship bracelets from Penny that he keeps in like little collectors cases. ALSO I DONT THINK SHE EVER GAVE THEM TO HIM I THINK THEY WOULD JUST LIKE APPEAR ON HIS WRIST SHE WAS SLEIGHT OF HANDING THOSE SHITS ONETO HIS WRISTS BECAUSE HE COMPLAINED IT DIDNT MATCH HIS AESTHETIC AND THEN SHED LEAVE AND HE BE LIKE- im gonna frame this and put in on my wall.... but like as in in a false bottom in a drawer so its cooler

[butteredcrackers]

A little vent ig?

life is very, very stressful right now for me, and my extreme executive dysfunction is not helping. I currently cannot get a therapist or medication for my severe depression related to trauma, and its making me spiral. I just found out all my friends think I'm fucking annoying and have thought that for months, and this month has been stressful because they finally showed what awful people they are and I pointed it out and said what they did was fucked up so I'm the bad guy now. I dyed my hair recently and it looks like trash and I feel really bad cause my mom did it and I appreciate her so much cause she did it while sick, but I feel so ugly. I have to learn 2 extremely complicated pieces if music that I've been putting off for so region, and this doesn't count Christmas concert music, and I'm getting lost in pulling assignments and teachers who think I have the time to spend every waking second of my day on their class alone. I'm not practicing my all region music cause when I get home I just fall to the floor and sit there until its 10pm and I'm like "oh shit I need to sleep" then u fucking stay up still, not getting good sleep, and I keep forgetting to take my meds to make me sleep. I don't know who's my friend and who's not, and now I'm so worried that I'm annoying people that I'm scared to talk to my best friend even though I know she doesn't hate me at all but what if she does what if she hates me. What if I'm really as annoying as they say I am? Did they really hate me for this long? Am I that unbearable to be around? Why did they fake it and be so nice to me? Why did she still say she loved me when she found me so fucking annoying and wasn't attracted to me at all? I want everything to stop. Its too much. I can't anymore. Everyone is just out to get me I guess. Everything is too much. I want to curl up and die. I wish I could just become dormant and rot away, nobody would notice right? Since they all fucking hate me, right? They called me autistic, said that I wasn't autistic and was doing it for attention, when I never called myself autistic. They were the ones who called me autistic and crazy when we were friends. Sure I hate noted at it and said I needed to probably get evaluated but if someone said I was autistic I denied it heavily. Because I don't want to be seen as faking it for attention. I'm so over everything. I kinda just wanna die but I don't because mom thinks people who kill themselves are selfish narcissists and I don't want her to see me that way. This is really long I'm so sorry if you get this on your dash. but it's so much I just need to let it out it might help. God im just so done. Im.burnt out. And I can't take a day off or I'm not exempt from exams anymore. Will someone take me out. God please will someone tell me its ok and they love me. I just need a hug. A really really long one. I need someone to tell me they love me. And that they care for me.

[ashacidic]

so I saw this super cool silver art that you did about a sandstorm or heatstroke or something and I keep finding the tag #fnf hypnos lullaby or something like that.

please tell me what it’s about I have no idea what this is about

CRACKS KNUCKLES. IM SO AUTISTIC ABOUT THIS THING YOU HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE /lh

To put it short, its a swap scenario of Friday Night Funkin's Hypno's Lullaby mod, Blake and Red's week ("Frostbite"). But I have no clue how much you know so I'm gonna explain EVERYTHING about that sentence.

Friday Night Funkin is a Newgrounds Rhythm game that got popular around late 2020, the gist is that you, the player are playing as Boyfriend (that is his canon name and I love him for that) who is trying to get UNDER THE SHEETS and DO THE DO with his Girlfriend, Girlfriend. But her father doesnt really like that, nor do these 5 other mfs and a couple o-kids who just wanna jam out, so what are we gonna do ??? RAP BATTLE THEM ALL OF COURSE.

There are 7 weeks out as we speak, updates being delayed due to touch ups happening and. the creators having lives lol

Now FNF: Hypno's Lullaby is a Friday Night Funkin mod based around pokemon creepypastas (pokepastas, for short). Originally it was just Hypno's Lullaby and Lost Silver who where included, but with the recent update it TOOK OFF with a lot more songs and pokepasta characters included (Glitchy Red, Easter Egg Snow On Mt Silver, Buried Man, Hell Bell, etc), along with an original pokepasta to the mod (being Grey and Shinto) !!!!

Now lets focus back on Snow On Mt Silver !!! The player character within the pokepasta is named "Blake" (and by association everyone calls that version of Gold "Blake"), and to give a quick rundown of the pokepasta itself, a kid got a little too curious why his brother was in the ward over a pokemon game and watched Blake's pokemon die out as he reached the top of Mt Silver, where you face (Champion) Red as a final boss within both the G/S/C and HGSS versions of Pokemon. By then, an arm and a leg has been lost presumably to frostbite, and youre made to face Red at the top. Red also gets pretty fucked up too, his chest and limbs gettin all gorey n' shit !!!!! The song of the Hypno's Lullaby week is based off that, the instrumental and vocals playing into the heavy snowfall and both pain and numbness due to nerve damage aspects of both being frostbitten. There was also the Freakchu jumpscare which I think is in the playable version too ??? im sorry my memory is a little wonky, I highly suggest reading through it or listening to a reading yourself, the pokepasta is years old,,,

buuut imagine THAT but SWAPPED with their rival counterparts, Blue and Silver, and in a completely different setting !!!! Instead of the sub zero temperatures of Mt Silver (and Gold's crazy ass not wearing ACTUAL PANTS ??? hes in SHORTS THE WHOLE TIME ???), the blistering heat of wherever the hell they are !!!! ( and I guess Silver is no different, being almost completely covered up in 100 degree F weather)

If I got anything wrong, woops !!!! just excited lol. hope this helped !!! there are full playthroughs of the mod on youtube, I suggest the Community Games version !!!

[jist6543]

Ok @fleetway-super-sonic has gone too far now, I may have been a bit upset when you didn't accept my apology, but now you've officially crossed the line, ive told you that i was letting that character bullshit go, i sincerely appolozed to you, and this is how you treat me? By not letting me live it down and saying that my behavior is pathetic and laughable, with no qualms about it at all? I admitted my faults and tried to own up to them, the only reason why I responded like that was because of how satistic you were to me, For the love of God, for the hundredth time, I said that I was letting that character shit go, im not worried about that anymore, stop twisting the knife on me, your sick you know that, your are absolutely sick, you can't even accept a simple God Damn apology, even when i admitted I was wrong for countless times, telling me to grow up and making fun of me shows that you are no better then ssj-Blake. and corection, 1 they misinterpreted a friendly compliment to a drawing, and 2 they freaking told me to f off when I tried apologizing, before i even knew why I was blocked, the only reason I got pissed off at them was because they called me names, when I tried talking to them calmly and explained that i only said their picture of brandy was cute, and they even called me a dumbass despite that I'm autistic, and wrongfully scorned me and told me to get a life, if they're gonna be that way to me, then yeah im definitely not gonna respond nice either, before signing off. And another thing, you are clearly missing the point that the reason I waited a month was to give you some space before apologizing, but no, you can't even learn to forgive people and to say I was disrespectful to you is putting a slander tone to that statement, making fun of me when I tried apologizing to you is the complete definition of disrespect, I admitted my faults and realized I was wrong which is something you obviously feel doesn't apply to you, i mean hell, your practically bullying me right now, and that's not a very mature thing to do either, so apparently I'm not the only one who needs to grow up. you were very hasty in taking assumptions about me before, and you haven't changed at all, I still like your videos and all and I'll still give you support, despite the negativity you've given me, but again I left you alone for 1 whole month before coming back to apologize, you could at least be great full for that, and your absolutely right enough is enough, I've clearly had enough of your bullying, and will stand for it no longer, if you want me gone, FINE , and I have some great advice to you as well, LEARN TO FORGIVE PEOPLE! When I say I'm sorry, I mean it, when i admit that I made a mistake, and try to own up to it, you don't laugh at someone and make them feel more bad about themselves, your 32 years old for crying out loud, act like it, I'd expect you'd be more principled than that, I don't want to keep arguing about this any more than you do, unless you decide to admit your faults as well, and apologize for bullying me, then I'm definitely gonna talk to you anymore, I don't know why your complaining of someone bullying you when your doing the exact same thing, you should be ashamed, I'm not saying my behavior a month ago was any better, and yes I shouldn't have been so persistent on telling you to include those characters, but at least I admitted my mistake, appologized for it, and tried to own up to it, before you turned me away may I add? and again I'm sorry for getting on you about those characters, but seriously please stop making fun of me, so yeah ill leave you alone now, i know your probably just gonna laugh again, but I hope you can forgive me someday, even though I see that unlikely, so yeah if your gonna be an absolute stuck up, and think that you have the right to scoff people like that despite them sincerely appolozing to you, then yeah, good riddance, but i do wish you the best of luck on your story and hope to see it someday when its finished. I mean that too, but I do hope your additude heals.

You clearly have issues, with forgiveness, I was wrong to think you were any different than ssj-Blake, and I stand by what I said before, I was not gaslighting you when I said you were acting irrational, you were gaslighting me!

[oinkgoesthecat]

I've decided to type out a rant as if I'm talking to Sheik. Enjoy this dramatic reading where I imagine he's just watching me pace bewildered and mildly amused and maybe a little concerned.

I'm so good damned frustrated! I don't even know how to put it into words honestly. I've spent so long thinking about this moment but the moment I have it my first instinct is to push it away and smile and giggle pretend everything is fine because that's always I always do! I'm not allowed to not be fine! I never have been! If I'm not fine then it's somehow my fault. I'm not allowed to be upset because 15 years of my narcissistic stepmother taught me that it's my fault for being upset about things. And if I point out that I am upset she was allowed to point out all the ways I'm a failure and maybe I need a medication increase! Medication I didn't even need because I was so horribly misdiagnosed! I wasn't a bad kid I was just an autistic teenager! But I want to learn to be upset! I want to express that I'm unhappy with how someone is treating me! But I can't! And you! When I tried expressing I was upset you visibly shut down and left! I just wanted to explain why I was upset! I just wanted to hear you say you understand and that my upsetness was valid! If you had given me a few more minutes I would have been okay. I was panicked a little by how much information you revealed because I tend to be intensely private. Just because I'm insanely honest with you doesn't mean I'm honest with anyone else! I have 2 people in my life that know some semblance of what going on with me and it's kind of killing me, which is wild because I'm so used to be secrets wrapped in more secrets. But this one, this plan to leave, is killing me. I know I can't say anything until I have few more things in place but I'm dying a little inside pretending everything is fine. You expected honestly from me and now thats all I want! Which isn't fair because Im not convinced I get it from you. I don't know what I have to do to convince you that I fucking care about you, and actually want to know what you're thinking! I barely know how to interact with you half the time! You don't follow any of scripts and you're so hard to read! Every text I send feels risky because I'm not sure how you will react! You don't follow any of my flow charts of conversation and it's frustrating. Because I don'thave social skills, I don't know how to interact with people. But none of my little tricks to pretend I do work with you. I don't know who you want me to be. You're so hot and cold. One moment you're telling me how have to protect me and kissing me and I have to admit really liked when you kissed me and keep thinking about way too fucking often. And the next your leaving with a cryptic message about taking solace in the fact its not my fault. I have no idea what any of it means anymore. No matter whatever the fuck is happening at this point I know you are my friend. I want you to be my friend. I'm doing the hardest thing I have ever done and Im about to loose so much. I desperately need my friends. Please don't decide you don't want to be my friend because I'm too much. This rant was a lot but somehow it's not all my thoughts, just a lot of them

[sobachyakukla]

how are people "removed from your internet" like why did ian say that between israel & him i would nmver have to worry about michael again because they removed him from my internet. every time i look him up it generates a page not found image & im wondering if henry had anything to do with this because he would do shit like that, instagating my behavior & then calling me dangerous. its like, a very well known tactic & my therapist told me young men do this when they want to feel vindicated as a victim without being willing to share that title so they start pushing you when they know youre mentally ill & then call you dangerous. i shouldnt be worried about what that type of male thinks of me because i honestly feel really scared of what hes capable of pushing me towards & then acting so innocent. especially since he is thin & reserved. that automatically would make any male cop feel like a million bucks for defending him.

i cant believe my life turned into me talking myself down from hanging myself at the park across the street because a toxic mysoginist wont answer my calls.

yes i made a fucking attempt to look you up every new account i made because the alternative is that your friends are literally on my shit controlling the page returns & controlling what i do & do not have access to. that is scary as fuck. not to mention im the second autistic person that toxic ass dude has done this to, making his unchecked ableism just even more dangerous to the next person like me he unwittingly targets.

i hope he never recieves romantic satisfaction or feels loved ever again. may we suffer as one forever get him out of my head & let me feel my coffee high please

not to mention the worst part thus far is i'd put it down 99% on his friends, i mean i would fuck the everliving christ out of jon its NOT OKAY FOR HIS BULLSHIT VICTIMHOOD TO TAKE MY HORNY ASS & BENCH HER????? also israel mullinex? if that boy is controlling me ID LET IT HAPPEN THEYRE HOT AS FUCK??!??!?!?!?!?!?!? stop all this nonsense im hood rich i travel on public transport bc die hard leftist contributing to public transportation also fear of operating a vehicle with my chronic suicidality but im very attracted to these people & michaels feelings getting hurt (pretty sure he doesnt ever suffer) over me railing the fucking dogshit out of his bandmates is his problem not mine. its not okay. im mad about that the most. but i felt like i had to tell jon who i was. but that was kind of sexy tbh being denied even though i know how attracted we are to each other. id sit on him & wail i mean it. like maybe i just want access to his friends so bad bc they all fall under the category of "traumatised, suicidal, & hot musicians" & that happens to be the very one that makes me tweak my nipples & wipe my upper thigh of p*ssy juice. im disgusting im evil im full of lust & it shouldnt be reciprocated or held to a high standard.

i need to pray & cut myself so i can get the demon out but when i cut for the black blood it takes nearly all of my self control to keep from hitting major areas because i have to get the demon out cut it deep enough for the love to lead it out & the lust to make it leave anything to bleed

bleeding heart jesus chapter zoophile crazy girl let the lamb of god take me of my milk