#<- ​moodswing hours

[j-nor]

You: breaking bad is a story about the havoc wrought on peoples psyches by American hegemony, toxic masculinity, the horror of a hierarchical world view, and acknowledging our own capacity for evil.

Me, high off my gourd on copium: AND!! about the people who choose to try kindness despite everything. The people who cling to life regardless. The people who fall and make mistakes and hurt people and still don’t resign themselves to a cycle of destruction. If Walter white is a vehicle for pessimistic nihilism, Jesse Pinkman is for optimistic nihilism. It matters that the story ends on jesses freedom. It matters that the story ends on life.

[sweatermuppet]

asking on those who have been on T/E/HRT for over a year & experienced moodswings during that time (especially while adjusting doses)... how did you cope with them? any tips or methods or practices to help regulate? been feeling anxious, paranoid, & angry

[iqmmir]

Im so tired now :(

[macabrevampire]

i'm the happiest i've ever been and the world is filled with love and joy and beauty. btw.

[mangodestroyer]

I imagine some nights, the hubbies will be sitting on the couch. Aziraphale will be reading, and Crowley will be playing around with his phone or on a tablet. Watching videos and stuff. And he'll be leaning against Aziraphale as he does so.

At some point, since Aziraphale is such a champ at marathon reading, Crowley will start to doze off a little, and jerk himself awake. And keeps doing it. The videos and Aziraphale's warmth are lulling him to sleep. Azi can see this and decides it's time for them to go to bed.

[scoups4lyfe]

Since I finally finished making my powerpoint I decided it was time to share it -- and my way of doing that (of course) is by analyzing my hyperfixation for the last four-ish months

DPR IAN.

Some things to know:

DPR Ian was born Christian Yu on September 6th, 1990. (So rn he's 32.)

He was born and raised in Australia

He has Bipolar Type 1

My Experience With Bipolar Disorder 

I think that since I am trying to spread awareness about Bipolar and what it’s like — I believe that I should share my own experience. (Hence my eventual inclusion of personal journal entries.)

What’s hard about Bipolar Disorder or BD / BP -- is that there isn’t a lot of  awareness about it. I honestly thought my wacky-a$$ behavior was normal, up until I saw an accurately-represented person going through a Bipolar episode — with the aftermath — in a tv show. Which equated to:

“ö!!” response.

Starting with facts

......

Now, on towards Ian's music.

I’ll only lightly touch on this for now because I know I’ll be going more thoroughly in-depth later about these metaphors/motifs; but some of the big things recurrent in DPR Ian’s music videos, song lyrics — etc., are that of Oceans/Lakes (drowning); Moon cycles and Werewolves; Storms. Other things that frequently pop up: Eyes, colors — aka their distinct and purposeful use of displaying something, isolation, religion, medication, fire/burning, guns / shooting, and finally — Suicidal Ideation. 

(Yes, that last one is especially important for the topic we’ll be discussing.)

These metaphors — motifs — images / lyricism — are representative of BP. I think the best of all of them involve the moon and werewolves. But oceans / lakes and storms are also just as good. This is because these things are: 

Natural — out of control of human hands 

Cyclical — for oceans / lakes it’s the tides; storms — obviously by seasons. 

Can leave a decent amount of destruction, no matter how beautiful it is. 

[Moving on....]

N E R V E S

above are screenshots from Ian's song "Nerves" -- these shots in particular showcased religious imagery, which I found fascinating, based on how deeply entwined religious themes are in his videos / songs.

Ian often likens himself in the position of the devil, the one banished from heaven. There's a dichotomy in his songs, music, imagery, (etc) ; where he's an "angel" and cherished by the creator, and then (when a mood episode comes on) there's this bitterness of abandonment....though I'll expand on that later.

TLDR; Ian is always questioning "WHY" he must live in a looped cycle of intense a$$ emotional highs and lows- of having that burden of being bipolar.

This is why "And you left" -> the shot cuts away from the cross on the road.

Ian is showing (literally, through imagery / his creative vision &lt;3), that he is at a "crossroads" 🤪.

"I still can't believe I left you alone"

Here, the cross is blurred out. So although Ian is saying this about himself, he's also mirroring it to God. "I still can't believe you left me alone." This is why the cross is blurred. Because his God's image or visage isn't "visible" or fully "clear" to him.

"It tore me down to pieces"

Here, Ian looks (visually) like he's kneeling / praying. This accompanied with the lyrics, "It tore me down to pieces" is another way he subtly shows how when God has blurred himself away, when Ian feels most abandoned in his darkness -- that which was hard, only hurts ten times more.

"Don't worry about me, cause I'm doing fine"

Interestingly, the cross is red, which represents love, but can also represent anger.

Here Ian says he's doing "fine" and now we see a cross that isn't blurred out, it's fully visible and outlined in red. Ian's not alone anymore, hence why you don't need to worry about him.

(I'll expand on the list above more as we go on)

Dude, Ian's interview quote fvcking SLAPS.

Especially because he perfectly described what **I** felt / what it feels like when you enter into a major depressive episode. Often there would be days where that was all I could feel --nothing. Blank. Empty.

Last slide of part (1) .

So I'll go ahead and link the MV here:

I know I have used a screen recording clip of "Nerves" within these past four months when I was rapid-cycling through manic and depressive episodes like a clown juggling barrels of oil lit on fire.

So YEAH. I think it perfectly (visually) portrays what it feels and looks like when you're going through these episodes.

[Next]

Journal Entries: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

PPT Essay Extras: (1), (2), (3), (4), (5)

PPT Essay: [1], [2], [3], [4], [5], [6], [7] , [8], [9]

Visual Clips (Depressive Episodes): (1), (2)

[whumpshaped]

(Same anon who sent the request) Thank you so much for writing a second part, that was GLORIOUS! The angel is so cute and the demon is so wonderful... I loved it with all my heart

anon im so glad. i know i seemed very confident when i first answered that ask but then i had the most horrible crash and i debated scrapping it lol i am SO glad u ended up liking it

[emii1j]

Life and love

surely theres better than THAT

if i felt this way for some random boy when i was 20

ill feel the way i did again

if not better

life is long and theres so much out there to live and experience so many ppl to meet

[sludgeguzzler]

i am now Ok and Normal again. brain got done with being miserable for no reason

[clarafordahwin]

I feel like a rubber band, and as long as I'm stretched taught, I'm fine, but the second I begin to loosen I just crumble and cry

[effrvsnt107]

Yk you’re pathetic when you start reminiscing on a shitty friendship with one of the only boys who weren’t a total nut job but still an arse and you want it back so bad (even though it wasn’t good)

[baekuras]

ladies and gentleman we back to "crying at 5am on a worknight-when will it ever stop?!" and i am sure my period being like a week away is not helping, even tho this feels more like general dread and helplessness and frustration and general mid 20s angst and not more usual pre-period drama it's not making this any better and i am mostly annoyed and angry between sobs....which is an interesting mix of emotions but not unusual

[thedegu]

.

[pumbkinrabbit]

Don't like the intense feelings i have brewing in the back of my head ',:/

[vespersposts]

Christmas turns me sentimental 😹

Bram Stoker, Dracula

[swivi]

Kinich with a pregnant s/o

After hearing the news he as quite shocked yet happy at the same time..to put it simple. He was feeling alot of mix emotions but still went along to support his girlfriend in the best way possible.

● For the first few weeks he kind of over prepared. Needed a drink? He got it for you in less than a second. A hug? He's right here. Commissions? What's that?

● Tried his best to come home early so he could take care of his S/O and spend time with her.

● Was confused about the moodswings at times but soon learnt about it and didn't mind much.

● The type to read books and research on how to take care of a pregnant woman, make them happy..etc

● Wouldn't care much about the gender and would still treat them with love and affection.

● Ajaw was not happy about this and went on a 10 hour rant about it just to get put in time out in less than 5 minutes.

● Would make sure to be there with you through every step of the pregnancy.

●Would try and cook all your pregnancy cravings and even try them with you if needed.

● Might stress about your diet a little and try to make you eat healthy as much as a he can.

You had started to feel sick over the past weeks, first you thought you may have caught a cold, but as the symptoms became more clearer. You started connecting the dots and was starting to become slightly worried. After being in denial for almost a week, you finally decided to take an pregnancy test and..as you feared. It turned out positive. You were scared and nervous to stay the least. Panicking and one second away from a mental break down until you heard the front door open.

Kinich had just gotten home from a commission and was now looking for you in slight worry. You hadn't come and welcome him back as usual which was confusing to him. Ajaw as usual took it as a chance to mock him as his voice filled the living room.

"Hah...maybe they finally got tired of you and ran away..no wonder.," Ajaw mocked him. His pixilated form flying around Kinich tauntingly as Kinich scoffed. Swatting at Ajaw as he ignored him, focusing on trying to find you. After a few minutes of searching. He finally stopped infront of the bathroom. Seeing it was locked, he gave a few knocks it and heard shuffling. After a few minutes, the door unlocked with you exiting. He could clearly see how nervous you looked and your eyes seemed to be quite puffy too. Were you crying? He couldn't help but be worried. As he went to ask, Ajaw of course say the pregnancy test in the bathroom and didn't even bother hiding his annoyance.

"Are you kidding me right now? Why are they multiplying now!? The almighty k'uhul Ajaw will not stand for this!" Ajaw yelled, only to get ignored as Kinich glanced over seeing the test behind you on the bathroom counter. The room went silent for a few seconds before he sighed and you couldn't help but feel nervous. "Is this yours?" Ajaw but in again refusing to be ignored as he voiced hsi frustration. "You have the nerve to ignore me you pests!? Look at me this instant. I will not st-" and just like that when was now in time out. After a few minutes of awkward silence. Kinich couldn't help but sigh, quietly pulling you into a hug as he rubbed small circles into your back. His voice calm as usual yet holding a slight edge to it. "I'm not angry..just surprised. Let's get you to sit down okay? You look pale."

After a few minutes of exchanging words, you had now finally calmed down and Kinich had made sure to reassure you the entire time. His voice calm yet holding a comforting tone to it.

Extra~

A few months had passed and you were now 4 months pregnant. Your close friends, family and the tribe had given you their support which calmed your nerves, but there had been something bothering you for sometime. You had a weird craving for Mint meat pie. It was weird but you just wanted to try it.

After finally having the kitchen to yourself, you got to work almost instantly. Making the dish you and your unborn child had been wanting, and it tasted quite nice. As you were in the middle of enjoying your meal, the front door open. Signally your boyfriend was now home, you could hear Ajaws voice fill the house thay was once quiet a few seconds smago as they headed your way.

As the two entered, Kinich seemed to notice the Plate of food in your hand and he didn't know if he should be intrigued, confused or disgusted in a way..but he didn't judge you. Ajaw tho, his body practically turned blue and green as he yelled. "What the flying hell is that!? I think I'm gonna be sick..The almighty k'uhul Ajaw commands that you remove it at once. REMOVE I-" He was now in time out again, as kincih walked over with a small sigh.

"Ignore him..is that a new dish you've been craving? I wouldn't mind trying it if you allow me to?"

And just like that, the house was now filled with the voices of the two couples talking about their day as Kinich tried the dish...it wasn't bad he had told you. But anyone would be able to see the way, he forcefully swallowed the spoonful of jelly like meat..anything to make you happy I guess..