#researching jobs and Ausbildung and Umschulung | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

baekuras · 11 months ago

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ladies and gentleman we back to "crying at 5am on a worknight-when will it ever stop?!" and i am sure my period being like a week away is not helping, even tho this feels more like general dread and helplessness and frustration and general mid 20s angst and not more usual pre-period drama it's not making this any better and i am mostly annoyed and angry between sobs....which is an interesting mix of emotions but not unusual

#txts #how did my mother get me checked for like depression way late in but not just...moodswings #bc boy are they still around as expected #not like anything came out the depression checkup #bc i was a....well depressed teen who didnt wanna do shit but be left alone to rot #so i didnt even go to therapy #i am not mad at myself for that but i feel like it' might have opened some options #eh well #rant #venting #anyhow i DO have a normal 9hour shift today so we are fucking freeballing it no sleep except the extra 2hours i allowed myself from yesterd #i have given up on rest #i am therapising myself and then just hanging out #researching jobs and Ausbildung and Umschulung #and either getting more intrigued bc that would work #or more anxious bc expecations #'oh no they want me to be good at math' literally had to do 90% math at last jobs training in school #give me the formula book thingie and i'll be fine #ask me out of the blue and i'll freeze and cry and just go blank for like an hour or so #not sure if thats a me-brain thing or that happened bc of school but hey #it sure is a wall #i'll continue hugging myself angrily and looking into jobs or whatever #stressful.......why is this all so stressful #and why do i feel like i am betraying my current workplace? stop overusing empathy this wasnt the goal x-x

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