#<🩸> — venting

[satsujins]

I am nobody's priority

I am replaceable

I am the last choice when nobody else gives them the time of the day

I am a rag doll that everyone plays with and immediately gets tossed around

I am never good enough for anyone

I am an empty void that gets filled until someone better comes along

I am an addon

I am forgettable

I am just a placeholder and that's how it always is going to be

[bloomdoom1]

[6loodlvstt]

i feel like tons of people will always love the idea of me but will never *actually* love me, no matter all the lies you spew. you cant even tell me WHY you like me? its obvious. you're just lonely.

[zennotixs]

[coffinofmydespair]

humans are so annoying sometimes. what's the point in arguing with humans online when we both know I'd kill them if this interaction were in person.

[paperclipsmuggler]

anyone who thinks i’m annoying should kill themself

[abeastinchains]

me: yayyyy yippee!! it’s cold out finally!! it feels more like the climate I’m meant to be in!! woo!!

me: *realizes I don’t have my fur or fire to keep me warm* oug h

[jeffthekillerxd]

What if I just disappear forever? Feeling so alone

[sugarpuptard]

i hate that i have to have this brain and body sometimes, its so hard trying to exist and do basic things. i had such a good week since i had my fiancé but being home again just seems to flip a switch or something.

people dont always share the other pains TS brings like neuro storms/rage attacks and the overall emotional overload and dysregulation it causes. the worse my tourettes got the worse my frustration tolerance levels got, and even during less ticcy days i still struggle so much with little stressors popping up until i explode with anger and frustration. frustration like that feels physically painful and i cant help curse and cry and hit things and myself to try and get that energy out of me. it makes me feel immature and bad when it happens to me but i cant control it and i hate that. and all the other symptoms and comorbid disorders with it is SO FUCKING EXAUSTING.

i feel like this is one of the things that makes me feel more comfortable in jirai communities, i've seen jirai more tied to disorders like bpd and stuff which made me feel.. idk the feeling exactly maybe imposter syndrome? but i almost felt like i couldn't really be jirai because im not bpd or anything similar like that (dx. with bpd traits in the past but im %99.9999 sure that was a misdiagnosis ong) but thinking over it again after another rage attack, i think suddenly exploding and acting out emotionally like i do and other things is landmine behavior aha..

i dont know what im rambling about anymore i am foggy (@ ~ @) i wonder if anyone has felt the same way before tho, unless i am just overthinking like i always do

[sugar-free-tearsx]

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

if relapsing is so bad then why does it feel so good?

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*  *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

[satsujins]

It never stops I am a black hole, nothing's ever good enough and I can't be happy with less, because everyone else is someone's favorite, everyone else can be someone's number one, why don't I get that, why not me

[6loodlvstt]

i understand that i mean nothing but im begging please be kind to me, god, please. id grovel as long as need be. please pretend i am loved.

[zennotixs]

Why is he always texting her??? He doesn’t know that she tells me. He doesn’t know how much she hates him. God I want to rip his eyes out. Sending pictures of himself to her???? Who does he think he is? I’m the only person who should be on her mind. She’s mine. My girlfriend. My everything. I wish she’d let me hurt him.

[literally-love-sick]

i dont think i like loving so strongly anymore. it hurts

[paperclipsmuggler]

i hate interacting with people irl . it’s so fucking annoying to talk to other people and i hate the sound of others speaking .

[literally-amanda-young]

"Fix me....Fix me, motherfucker!"

Hey, my name's Amanda. You've probably seen me on the news. Yes, I'm that "junkie" (as so many reporters have lovingly described) that survived that Jigsaw trap. No I will not elaborate any further.

Don't try to pry into my personal life. It won't get you far.

I'm 31 and currently work as a caretaker. I used to work in the IT industry, but I suppose that's all in the past. I'm not really sure what I'm doing on here, but I'll probably be venting a lot. Somethings are just easier to say behind a screen.

I'm not a good conversationalist but feel free to give me asks I guess...

// OOC Introduction //

- Hey, I'm Star or Amanda and welcome to my Amanda Young roleplay blog!

- I have absolutely no experience role-playing on Tumblr and haven't role-played online in years, but the Saw franchise, and specifically Amanda Young's character pulled me back into it. I might be a little rusty and out of character, but I'm just getting the hang of it again.

- I'm a lesbian and go by she/her. I personally head canon Amanda as that too, so keep that in mind when role-playing with me.

- This is a roleplay blog so I'll be in character most of the time unless you see () or //. So please don't be upset if I snap at you. I promise I'm just in character.

- Please keep in mind I'm a 22 year old adult!

- I won't be doing ship or NSFW role-plays, but there will be darker themes on my blog.

- I also won't be responding to DMs. (Unless you have questions about RPs of course.)

- My Saw OC RP Blog: @sash-ontherocks

- Divider Credit:

@k1ssyoursister

@anarchysin

- Tags For This Blog -

# amanda asks 🐽 (Any asks that get answered)

# amanda reposts 🌀 (Anything Amanda reposts)

# amanda antics 🧩 (Character RPs)

# amanda vents🩸 (In character vent posts. Will have dark and disturbing themes such as self harm and drug abuse)

# amanda's diary ✎ (Life updates, thoughts, or drabbles)