#<<etc tagging for safety lol

[ink-asunder]

Horse on lizard crimes

[id: a screenshot from the animated Disney Mulan movie, wherein the horse Khan tramples Mushu the dragon while Mulan tries to rein Khan in. Mushu is labelled "Morgue," Mulan is labelled "Mack," and the horse is labelled "Me." End id.]

@slacker413 Could you get your man out of my mailbox before I unalive him with my hooves like a rancher cutting a snake in half with a shovel

[greywoe]

child ward in search of belonging indulges in juvenile fantasies as a coping mechanism. sad!

[deoidesign]

I adore reading your rambling tags, don't stop posting things there 😩

Don't you worry. I think I might be incapable of stopping idk what happened I never used to tag ramble

[monsterbisexual]

the silt verses: chapter 34

chapter 38

[loverdude]

I hate getting blood drawnnn

[etanow]

MASTER POST

The Experimental Monster Laboratory, or Monster Labs, is a TADC AU where the cast is in the physical world! Sorta..

C&A Research Facilities is one of the cornerstones of the science and medical worlds! They do everything; funding research, manufacturing equipment, and research into the known and unknown in an effort to understand everything. To the public, that is.

They experiment heavily in everything, from hiring literal Gods on earth to manage the more ..sensitive divisions; mixing machine and magic, technology and the supernatural, genetic experimentation, you name it, they’ve probably done it! The world outside may not know anything of the advancements they’re researching but there is little C&A Labs won’t allow in the name of progress in understanding and cataloging everything in their universe. Our story takes place in one of the more private residencies deep in C&A, belonging to Caine; a minor God with mysterious origins, unknown limitations, and boundless enthusiasm for learning everything he can about his little science friends.

╰┈➤ Content

╚═ Unnamed fic (Coming soon...) ╚═ Bubble can cook?? .

╰┈➤ Asks

╚═ Does Pomni act like a zombie? ╚═ Is Zooble's Demon Snake Leg happy? ╚═ Gangle is in a Situation.png ╚═ Gangle's temperament ╚═ Has Ragatha ever shocked anyone? ╚═ Gangle love RAAAH ╚═ Do Caine and Ragatha fight over Pomni? ╚═ Why did Gangle summon a demon? ╚═ Why does Pomni wear a bell collar? ╚═ Kinger's eye ╚═ What if there was a baby crying? ╚═ Death trauma [Gangle and Pomni] ╚═ Kinger has ONE hobby outside of Bugs ╚═ Is Zooble protective of Gangle? ╚═ What happens when you touch Pomni's brain? ╚═ JAX DATED SOMEONE?? ╚═ What does Jax do? .

╰┈➤ References

╚═ Intro Cards ╚═ Height Chart Lineup ╚═ Zooble Demon Snake Leg Intro Card /j ╚═ Queenie ╚═ Gummigoo ╚═ The Sun Room ╚═ Logo .

╰┈➤ Arts

╚═ First ML AU Post ╚═ Second, exploring outfits ╚═ Design sketches part 2 ╚═ Pomni + flower language ╚═ Showtime + Ragapom doodles ╚═ Jax not practicing lab safety ╚═ Abstragedy cuddles ╚═ Raga doodle ╚═ Ragapom doodle ╚═ Jax and Meadowsweet ╚═ Pomni staring out a fake window.png ╚═ [Gives pomni flowers] ╚═ more doodles ig

.

╰┈➤ Misc.

╚═ Caine Lemon Rant [Animatic] ╚═ Zodiac signs?? ╚═ Caine gets called a Tumblr Sexyman and cries ╚═ Bubble Looksmaxxing ╚═ Jax wants to take ketamine with you (Romantically) ╚═ Caine eats a lemon [Animatic] ╚═ BUNNYSUITSSS ╚═ Magma doodles ╚═ Magma doodles part 2

.

╰┈➤ Pomniverse

╚═ Wonderland and Zombni are friends :D

.

╰┈➤ Boundaries / Q&A

╚═ Any story plans? I'm not sure yet, currently writing a fic and several comics on the way.

╚═ Any boundaries? None, so go crazy! I am OK with gore, NSFW, angst, violence, etc, just be sure it is tagged/TW'd appropriately as not everyone is OK with that content. I'd also like to see please LOL

╚═ Can we create fanart/fics/content? Can we dub or fancam? Yes of course!! Please tag me, I'd love to see all of it! I'm tracking the tag #TADC Monster Labs AU for other's content

╚═ Is NSFW allowed? Yes, both art and fic, so long as it's marked appropriately I'd very much love to see!

╚═ Can I ship the characters, self-ships, or OC x Canon? Yes, ship away! Just be aware the only au-canon ships are Caine/Pomni, Ragatha/Pomni, Gangle/Zooble, and PAST Ragatha/Jax.

╚═ Can we make OCs? Go on ahead! Here is a PSD file for the blank template and the PNG can be found here.

╚═ Who are you?

✦✧ Hi I'm Audi! 26, she/they. Full-time office worker, I do art in my free time. ✦ My current interests are TADC, RWBY, Looney Tunes, and Trolls. ✧ I draw using a custom PC, a Huion Kamvas 16 (2.5K), and Adobe Photoshop. Currently learning to use Procreate. ✦ I do not RP and this isn't an ask blog, asks interacting directly with characters will probably not be answered. ✧ Asks are not guaranteed to be answered, sorry if yours isn't but please don't spam/send multiple times! ✦ Commissions and requests are not open at this time, thank you. ✧ My main tumblr is Audi-art. My Twitter is Hammerspaced.

[vodika-vibes]

Heyy can you please please please

Do a ,, Ideal types of Wolffe, Rex, Jesse etc…“

Someone already did a bad Batch version but no one did a version of our other husbands that would be so nice

Ideal Types

Pairings: Captain Rex x Reader, Commander Wolffe x Reader, ARC Trooper Jesse x Reader, Commander Fox x Reader

Warnings: Uh...this is actually pretty angsty. Sorry.

Tagging: @trixie2023 @n0vqni @imabeautifulbutterfly @stupendoussludgezinerebel-blog

A/N: I wasn't sure how many you wanted, so I went with four. I added Fox because I love him, lol. Also, this might not be, exactly, what you wanted. But I was feeling poetic this morning, and then angst monster smacked me with a baseball bat and yeah. I hope you like it!

Captain Rex x Reader - A pillar. Someone who supports him through everything.

You smile at Rex, soft and warm and gentle as he rests his head on your lap. He’s more asleep than awake at this point, and you lightly trail the pads of your fingers over his short hair, careful to not wake him.

He’s so tired, your perfect Rex. Your handsome Captain.

But here, in the safety of your apartment, enveloped in your soft arms and soft scent, the stress lines on his face ease away, making him look his physical age, rather than much older.

He turns in his slumber, his face pressing against your stomach and his arms slide securely around your waist, clinging to you like a child would cling to a treasured blanket, and your smile softens.

He works so hard, your Rex. Has so much stress and responsibility laid upon his broad and strong shoulders. As if he's stuck bearing the weight of the galaxy.

But, right here, right now, you can bear that weight for him.

"Rest, my love." You whisper, your voice soft enough that he doesn't stir, "I have the watch."

Commander Wolffe x Reader - A lighthouse, someone who is able to light his way home, even in the darkest of times.

"You're tense, Wolffe." Your voice is soft as you slide your hands over his shoulders to wrap him in a hug from behind. "Is everything alright?"

His smile is wry and slightly bitter, and you have your answer.

No. He's not alright. He's not been alright since the day he lost most of his battalion. Since the day his beautiful red armor bled all the color out and turned into the solemn grey of mourning.

It's a wound that still bleeds, you know.

You press a feather light kiss against the back of his neck and tighten your arms around him. You won't pressure him, you won't ask him questions.

For all that the curiosity burns, your love for him burns brighter. And so you hold him, and offer him your unyielding support.

He's lost in a maelstrom of grief and pain. A storm of sorrow buffets him from every angle. And there are no words that can ease his suffering.

And so you offer the only thing you can. Your silent support and your undying love. You'll be here to light his way back to shore, always. Forever.

ARC Trooper Jesse x Reader - A sanctuary, someone where he's allowed to break and shatter, without fear of any consequences.

He's shaking.

Jesse's arms are firm around your, his face pressed against your neck as he lays on top of you...and he's shaking.

Trembling, really. Like a tooka kitten.

Your arms wrap around his broad shoulders and you turn your head to kiss the side of his head. You knew, of course, that this deployment was...bad.

But until this very moment, you had no idea how bad.

You won't ask, though you know he'll tell you if you did.

Even though your heart breaks when you feel his tears against your bare shoulder. And then it shatters when a sob rips from your Jesse's throat.

Even then, you still won't ask. You are his sanctuary, his safe place where he can be just a man, and not the strong soldier that he has to be every other day.

And when he, brokenly, whispers that he's applying for ARC, you just tighten your arms around him.

And you know, know, that this story ends in tragedy. But you'll continue being his safe place until it's not needed anymore.

Commander Fox x Reader - A bulwark, a barrier between him and the rest of the galaxy. Someplace where he can feel safe.

Fox sighs, low and quiet as he looks up at you. He has dark circles under his eyes, he hasn't been sleeping again. But that's nothing compared to the angry bruises that you're treating for him.

"I'm sorry," he breathes out, "For being such a burden."

You smile at him, warm and loving, "You could never."

Something like distress slides across his face, "Cyare, I-"

"Shh," You soothe him with a gentle touch of your hand against his cheek, "Whatever it is, darling, it will hold. At least for now."

The distress remains, though it fades as you lovingly apply bacta to another bruise.

He suffers, your Fox. You see it more and more clearly with every passing day. He's losing time, he has growing blank spots in his memory...and it terrifies him.

It terrifies you too.

How long before he's not him anymore? Until he no longer looks at you with love and adoration, but with blank disregard.

You shove the thought to the side firmly. Right here, right now you have your Fox. And you will shield him from the rest of the galaxy, for as long as you can.

That's all you can do for him.

[voidbeomgyu]

ALONE (Teaser)

In which you meet your bias in the worst circumstances.

PAIRING Idol Jake Sim x Fan Fem Reader

GENRE Zombie Apocalypse, Angst, Slow Burn, Romance/Strangers to Lovers, Suggestive (Maybe smut, not sure yet.), some fluff

WARNINGS 18+ MDNI, Descriptions of violence, death, blood, etc., All members except Jake died so keep that in mind (I'm sorry), Cursing, Crimes, Mental health talk and experiences, Death, Sickness (Throwing up), Making out, Smut(?), It's an apocalypse!au idk how else to warn about that LOL

SUMMARY The group Enhypen get on a plane to the US and when landing are met with the worst. Jake makes it out alive... but alone. Since the dead are attracted to areas where the population is saturated, your best bet is to stay low in the areas usually considered dangerous (alleyways, abandoned buildings, etc). He made his way into the country and found a nice cabin alongside a lake. His further inspection led him to believe it was abandoned for whatever reason, maybe it was a vacation home? Little did he know his inference was correct, and soon he was met face to face with a member of the family who owned it. How would she react to seeing her favorite artist rummaging through the cupboards of her new--hopefully permanent--home? And how would he be able to explain to a loyal fan of his that he was the only member left?

TEASER WORD COUNT 1,625

RELEASE DATE To be determined.

TAGLIST Comment on this post or send an ask to be added. (Have your age on your profile or you will not be tagged)

Endless walking while trying to find a suitable place to stay was slowly driving Jake insane. The exhaustion from travelling, fear of death, and anguish from the scene at the airport was weighing down on him heavier and heavier every second. Having watched his best friends, his brothers, his family all being taken away from him without being able to do anything but listen to the oldest’s words, “Run”.

Jake had not yet cried, there was no time for it. It’s been almost thirty six hours since then, he’d stolen a bike around a mile away from the airport. It’s helped him a lot on his journey to safety. He never stole, he wasn’t like that, not that type of person. But in the moment he didn’t have the time nor energy to feel guilty about it. 

Jake didn’t know exactly what he was looking for, but he wanted quiet. Not knowing wether or not it’ll be safer in the city or the country side, he chose the latter. Cities are crowded with people, meaning they must be crowded with the dead by now, right? No matter; either way he knew he’d feel much better being in the middle of nowhere, or at least in the middle of what looked like nowhere. All alone in an abandoned farm house, maybe a lake house, any house on the country side would do. He was being too optimistic, he knew, but he couldn’t help it. Finding a safe home to live in alone with no one around for miles sounded comforting.

The Jake from two days ago would’ve shivered at the thought of being completely alone. Though no extrovert, he needed people. He needed that connection, that interaction. His reasons to smile and laugh were mostly based around the people around him or the entertainment he consumed. Entertainment was out of the question now, and it seemed like people were too. Most dead, and others probably too violent to give Jake a chance due to the circumstances. 

All he held on him was his and Sunghoon’s carry-on bag from the flight. Note to self, don’t try to save your friend by holding onto their bag. Thoughts like this crossed his mind every few minutes, tragedies sentenced as jokes but he wasn’t laughing. What’s wrong with me? How could I think something like that? Maybe it was the dehydration, starvation, overall fatigue? He hadn’t eaten anything since the flight and was savoring the small amount of water he had on him. Either way, thinking of his beloved friends didn’t do much to help his mood. Trying to think of the good times? Those good times will never happen again, they’re gone forever and I’ll never get them back.  

More days passed like this. With a stop at a gas station probably being the reason he’s even alive right now. It was abandoned, for the most part. It was the early morning, and he was literally starving now. The cashier was still there, but his neck was chained so tightly to the wall that it was on the edge of ripping his head clean off. Oh, he was a living corpse too. Jake could tell that much by just looking at him, muffled grunts and groans coming from the pale body every minute. Luckily, he didn’t seem to care much of Jake’s criminal activities there. Stuffing whatever foods and drinks he could into the bags he had on him. They were even heavier now, but he couldn’t feel anything. He was numb to all feeling, mentally and physically. 

At day four he had started keeping track of how many days passed with a calendar he found on the wall of the gas station that morning. He didn’t stay there though, he didn’t have it in him to kill the cashier, and he knew that if he somehow got loose while he was sleeping it would all be over. The past few days he hadn’t slept or rested much at all actually. Napping for at most an hour at a time, waking up to the slightest noises and scurries of nearby wildlife. He knows he’s incredibly lucky to not have encountered any of the dead, besides the one at the gas station, but it’s a little stressful to not have seen any either. Where could they all be? He had made it out of the city, the once bustling streets on day two, he knew many people weren’t out here to begin with. But knowing there are creatures that could kill him in seconds lurking while having no idea where they are was terrifying. 

It’s been six days. His legs started feeling numb just hours after finding his bike due to the frantic pedaling, now he felt like his legs were asleep all the time. The feeling of pins and needles covered his lower body as they worked on auto pilot to keep him going. His back felt horrible, slouched from his broken spirit. Endless cramping and soreness of his hands and fingers from gripping the bikes handles for hours at a time. His knuckles were white, and now so was his once tanned and alive skin. 

His lack of proper meals, sleep, and rest was now obvious. Jake hasn’t seen himself since that day in the airport, but from looking at his now thinner, paler, vein visible arms, he could take a guess at what his face looked like. Hell, he could feel the bags under his eyes whenever he blinked now. 

It’s been quiet and empty for a few miles. Nothing but grass, and a dirt trail he’s been following in sight. How long is this damn trail? he thought. Jake started following the trail at the sunset of day five; he remembers because of his calendar. It was coming to the end of day six, the sun starting to set in the distance behind him. He found a flashlight at the gas station and used it to find himself a place to “rest” for the nights he faced, it neared the time to find a spot to sleep.

Trees were all around him now, the area looked more alive here, not dried out and dead like the miles before. He must be getting close to some sort of building, forest trails usually have a building as a starting point, right? Unless this trail wasn’t made for hikers, in that case he was hoping in vain. 

It was almost completely dark now. Jake had usually found somewhere to stay by this time, but something was telling him to keep going. Using the flashlight to illuminate the shadowed forest, he heard his friends voices cheering him on over and over again. 

“Keep going Jake!”

“Just a little longer!”

“You’ll be okay!”

Tears were unconsciously streaming down his face now, though he still didn’t feel anything. His body just gave up on the effort of keeping them in. 

Jake pedaled faster. He couldn’t hear anything but his heavy panting, it felt like someone had covered his ears with their hands and muted the sound of everything around him. He saw something in the distance, the roof of a building; he padaled faster. A house, the roof made of wood, looked like a cabin; he padaled faster. He could hear the muffled sound of streaming water; he pedaled faster.

Face to face with a cabin, going so fast he couldn’t stop himself from crashing into the wet grass below him. Still struck with adrenaline, he pulled himself up quickly and dragged his bike to the front door. His broken and unused voice sounded through his pants as he tried frantically to open the damned door. 

The door handle had a key hole but was locked with a rusty padlock. He could turn the handle and wriggle the door, that padlock was what he needed to remove. He pulled a hammer out of his bag; he grabbed it from the gas station floor, it was covered in dried blood. Obviously used by someone prior to leaving it there. Jake slammed the hammer into the padlock, over and over again. The loud bangs from striking the lock were null to Jake’s ears, his desperation coating over all his sense. 

Smash. The padlocks body is broken away from its handle and the door is free from it’s hold on the wooden frame. 

Jake shoves his way inside, throwing the bike onto the hard floor of the entry way before turning to lock the door. It was locked from the outside but had a perfectly working lock on the inside, though he didn’t care to question it. He made it, he was safe, he felt like he could faint.

He had no time to think, let alone find a good source of light before he threw up. Keeling on the once clean floor, liquid from his stomach poured out from him. His throat burned and ached at the feeling, like his throat was made of sandpaper. Falling back he sat on the floor, staring at the door and the mess he made on the ground. He laid back and let his eyes rest for the first time in nineteen hours. Jake fell asleep there on the hard floor, knee propped up on the backside of a couch.

If he was thinking clearly, he would’ve checked the entire cabin, then scavenged for any foods that may be there. But he was broken, body and mind. Luck had been on his side since the beginning though. The home was completely vacant before he entered, and when he wakes up he’ll have found himself a place to live in safely. Away from the corpses living in the surrounding cities, and away from any still living people, all alone.

(A/N: Hello friends! I'm finally writing LOL I've had this wip since December and I'm finally going to finish it. This post is just to see if people would even be interested lol. The total fic word count I don't know yet because I haven't finished it, but I am close! I won't give y'all any hints but I will apologize in advance for the angst I'm about to put y'all thru<3 sorry love you guys muah. Don't know exactly when I will publish the full fic, maybe right when I finish it, maybe a month after I finish it IDK I haven't written seriously in months so I'm not too confident anymore but I am excited. Hope y'all are as excited as I am :D )

[tadpoles-and-daydreams]

A witchcraft basics doc; update, resource call, interest check, and a possible second doc

Bet most of you didn't even know I was working on this >:D

Yes this is a huge post. It's a lot of things.

So, one of my first posts ever on this blog was me mentioning that a friend of mine had NO clue what they were signing up for when asking for the basics of witchcraft. The google doc I wrote took on a life of its own, and the post did as well when people started asking for it. I still plan to tag said people when I post it, assuming they haven't deactivated. The thing is, this doc had become a proper project, and it took a long time for me to have the motivation to work on it again. Now, though, it seems to me like a damn good way to reconnect to my craft after a rut! (which, by the way, is why I've been offline.)

So, my first post back is for a couple of reasons. For one, if you have any resources you'd think would be useful for beginner witches, feel free to shoot me an ask, DM, or comment/reblog on this post! I'll have a list of things I'm putting in the doc (taking recommendations there as well) at the bottom of this post.

The other thing is that I might end up making a second doc, one that's a little less "101" in vibe. It would have a MAJOR MAJOR UPG warning on it, first off, and I'm not sure whether or not I would be marking any UPG either since this would essentially be a second Grimoire/Book of Shadows for me that would be public to others for the sake of sharing information! I can't say I'd call it "advanced witchcraft" by any means, I'm not very fancy lol, but I don't want the basics doc to get too overwhelming. I do, however, want to scream about random witchcraft topics that interest me. So this is also a bit of an interest check for that, as well as the basics doc.

FINAL NOTE: I fully plan on posting this basics doc before it's done. Some sections will be unwritten or unfinished, because if I wait until I find it "finished" I'll never post it. It's going to be added onto whenever I can, but I feel as though getting it out is the best course of action.

A list of stuff in the doc that I'd take resources on (AKA everything planned in it) with * by anything that will be left unwritten/unfinished on purpose until I know more. I will take resources and recommendations on EVERYTHING though. This is in no particular order:

grounding and centering

VOCAB (intention, intuition, UPG/SPG/VPG, appropriation. probably others I'm forgetting.

candle, plant, crystals and safety* (as well as any other tools one might need safety tips for. This is left completely unwritten as I use very few tools of this type.)

deity work* (the whole debate surrounding when to start, as well as information about it. Will include smth about house rules/boundaries. My work is very casual, I'd love to see different POV's of this! This is by nature left unfinished because deity work is so unique to the witch.)

grimoire/book of shadows

tools of the craft* (common tools and how to use them consumerism in witchcraft, etc.)

cleansing

appropriation* (I don't know near enough about this, I just check what's in my own practice. I would like this to include a list of commonly appropriated closed practices, a definition of appropriation and why it shouldn't be done, open pantheons, and common open practices.)

spellwork*

meditation

where someone could go from here* (including sigils, tarot, crystals bc my friend likes rocks lol, maybe astrology but oh god I have nothing about that it makes my brain hurt just looking at an astrology chart /pos. I will probably make a list of stuff that I could add in this section.)

casual/daily/quick/low energy practices and witchcraft

paganism and witchcraft; overlap, what they are individually, why one might be for you rather than the other, etc.*

there'd be a credit section for anyone who wants to be credited for links/resources at the end! If you send me resources plz specify if you want to be included in that or not.

Things I might include in the second doc if I make it:

the craft and mental health and my experiences with it

things commonly touched on in the community (your deities don't hate you, cycles of inactivity and burnout, other things I'm forgetting rn)

deity-specific things, more specific topics of the craft, etc. yet another reminder that this would all include UPG, possibly unmarked, because it would basically be primarily used to give me motivation to research more.

[fairuzfan]

Your post about how many people are unknowingly falling for & spreading propaganda... yeah. I typed up a whole spiel of a comment on one of your posts the other day that I ended up deciding not to not actually post because it felt like detailing, but seriously. The amount of well meaning, genuinely anti-zionist people ignorantly sharing zionists' posts because they just don't pick up on the leading undertones is honestly more terrifying than than the amount of actual zionists in some ways.

I'm someone who was born into a doomsday cult, and seeing all these people falling for the exact same blatant (or so i thought lol) recruitment/manipulation tactics I've seen used by them my entire life has absolutely fucking terrifying. These are people who are actively trying to combat zionism, but I guess the general public is so uneducated about propaganda/cult tactics that what immediately reads as blatantly manipulative, misleading bullshit to me just doesn't even register as strange to most people. Not to be repetitive, but seriously: fucking terrifying.

There's so much focus on the way people/groups who want to manipulate you will use language of fear, but in this case especially, people need to realize they will almost always appeal to your compassion before they appeal to your fear.

It's all peace and love and happiness because that's what gets people in the door. You preach (or post) the mushy, happy, fun stuff that makes people feel good to draw them in, and you slowly start peppering in the ideas you actually want to lead them to believe later on once you've got them wanting to believe you.

This also has this added effect of helping the group or person's image. Even the people who you don't manage to draw in will have the impression of you as someone who runs their mouth 24/7 about how you're full of love and want the best for everyone, which is especially useful for when you inevitably want to frame yourself as the victim to demonize the people who will inevitably oppose you. If your first and only exposure to a person is seeing them calling for world peace and universal love, you are much more likely to be inclined to believe they (and by extension their cause) are the sympathetic, loving, peaceful good guys being unjustly targeted.

Sorry for rambling, but like... really. It won't always be something nefarious, of course--the vast majority of the the time, it won't be--but I think we would all be in a much better situation if people took it as a general rule of thumb that you should always be a little suspicious of overly vague talk about peace and love.

You're EXACTLY right. I really appreciate this message, because you put to words a lot of my inherent analysis of arguments and ideas. I like grew up with this rhetoric so it's easy to spot for me, but the way that people speak about "peace" as the overall goal when they're zionist is so blatant to me because there is no material change in the scenario they propose but rather a calmness where Palestinians are ignored.

And picking up on subtext of a lot of messages is something you have to have a muscle for kinda because of how subtle it is. The frightening part is, you're right, that the indoctrination part of zionism is the most harmful part because you appeal to their pathos — their fear, their sense of safety, etc — and you go on down the rabbit hole and slowly start being radicalized and pro-zionism or you might not even be pro-zionism 100% but enjoy... soft zionism as a mutual of mine put it once (if you read this and want to be tagged, lmk). Which soft zionism is the MAIN opinion in many liberal circles btw, its not an uncommon opinion.

I even remember once sharing a post by a zionist because i saw them talk about esims but when i went on their blog a few days later because something rubbed me the wrong way, I noticed their pinned and I was like "oh dam I gotta delete that other post" like that's how often this happens.

Idk, I try to combat this by putting sources or approaching from a standpoint of logical arguments rather than identity-based politics (although, sometimes i think there are some things that people who are a certain identity can be the only true experts on) so that I try to encourage actual engagement with ideas and walking them through thought processes rather than "I'm palestinian so just trust me."

Like even with my one fact checking list, idk if I succeeded but I wanted to emphasize that there are multiple factors you should consider when confronting ANY sort of information and should not blindly trust things. News sources have regularly burned or ignored Palestinians so I know a lot of us are really sensitive to these things, but I don't know! I hope people can engage with ideas more than just surface level thinking in general because it helps everyone when you actually interact with the point of view the other person is providing rather than just blindly trusting/distrusting people.

[amhrosina]

Wherever You Go, I Go (Frank Castle x Reader)

MASTERLIST // TAG LIST REQUEST

A/N: Requested by a nonnie! I love writing readers that give Frank an attitude when he's being a dumbass, so here's that lol

Request: “wherever you go, i go” with frank pls🥺? maybe a hurt/comfort where he tries to push the reader away to protect them but they’re adamant about staying by his side? of course pls disregard this if it doesn’t inspire you <3 have the best day 🌷💝

Summary: Frank hasn't spoken to reader in two weeks and then shows up battered and bloody on their doorstep. Reader accidentally reveals their feelings in a fit of anger.

(Warnings: all the normal Frank things, so like blood, descriptions of stitches, wounds, etc. also, lots of cursing, soft!frank, idiotboy!frank, loml!frank)

Frank Castle was a mystery to most people, but you thought you’d cracked the code in understanding him; key word – thought. It had been two weeks since you’d seen him last, and the idea that Frank had lost interest or abandoned you gnawed at your stomach at all hours of the day. He wouldn’t just leave, would he? 

It wasn’t like you were officially together or anything, but after the months of long nights sewing up cuts and whispering secrets into each other’s skin inbetween teeth clashes and hair pulling, you couldn’t really call Frank just a friend of yours. He’d made that clear every time you were anywhere near him. The familiar weight of his hands on your waist, the way he knew exactly where to press his lips on your neck to make you moan, the soft kisses he’d press into your hair when he left way too early in the morning.  

You weren’t crazy for thinking he cared about you – you knew that – but his lack of contact for two entire weeks was a growing concern. Was he hurt? Dead? Did he meet someone new? More interesting? You were losing focus in your day-to-day tasks, and it was all his fault. Your boss had sent you home early and told you to get some sleep because it was clear that you needed it, but it was now past midnight, and you were beyond sleep at this point.  

A loud thump against your front door startled you out of your haze. You grabbed the pistol Frank had left for your protection and inched towards the door. Your apartment wasn’t in the safest part of the city, but you’d never had to use a gun on someone before. Frank’s words had been clear when he was teaching you how to shoot it: “Safety off, cock it, aim, and unload the entire clip in the bastard’s face.”  

You repeated his steps like a mantra as you peeked through the peep hole. You stared into your dim hallway, searching for the source of the noise, and found nothing. You grunted in annoyance. Dumb kids being dumb, you supposed. You went to move away from the door, already over the disturbance, when your eye caught a tiny bit of movement towards the bottom of the peep hole.  

It was a subtle movement, one you would’ve missed if you blinked, but it was there, and you recognized those god damned boots. You set the gun down, swiftly unlatching the deadbolt and swinging the door open. Frank laid in a crumpled heap at your feet, a low groan emitting from his throat. He’d been leaning against the door when you opened it, so he had landed flat on his back in your haste to open the door. 

A gasp caught in your throat when you finally took him in. Frank was covered in blood. You could just barely make out Frank’s dark eyes looking up at you. His nose was crooked and bleeding, definitely broken, and you could see a cut across his chest that was flowing more blood than you knew a human could have in their body. 

“Oh my god, Frank!” Your voice finally came back to you in a hushed whisper. 

You curled your arms under his shoulders, tugging him far enough into your apartment that you could shut the door. Frank was tall and muscular, so you knew he’d be heavy, but his dead weight was almost impossible for you to move. You ended up falling backwards, landing on your tailbone. Frank’s head rested in your lap; face pulled in a painful grimace.  

You cradled his head, tears welling up in your eyes.  

“Where have you been, you fucking asshole?”  

The way you were softly stroking his cheeks juxtaposed the anger laced in your words. Frank’s eyes were half lidded – he was barely conscious, but still breathing. You crawled out from under Frank’s weight and ran to the bathroom, grabbing at anything and everything that could help.  

Frank was struggling to move when you dropped down next to him, pushing him back towards the floor.  

“Stop, stop, stop. Don’t move.” You mumbled, tugging his jacket off. His shirt was being held together by a few strands of fabric across the collar, so tearing it off him wasn’t difficult. The hard part was having to peel the sections of fabric that were so coated in blood that they were stuck to the gaping wounds. Frank’s breathing stuttered as you started putting pressure on the wound across his chest.  

Blood was bubbling out of the cut, falling down his sides and onto your freshly mopped floor. Your Christmas pajamas were coated in red, but you weren’t worried about any of that. The more pressure you put on Frank’s chest, the more his eyes widened, and he needed to stay conscious.  

Once the bleeding slowed, you began to sew stitches into the gash. Frank’s eyes followed your movements. It was a slow and painful process, but it gave you enough time to figure out what you wanted to say to him. 

“You’ve been gone.” You mutter, pushing the needle through his skin. “You’ve been gone, for weeks, and then you show up half dead and bleeding all over my floor. Where were you?” 

“’m sorry, baby.” Frank’s rough voice had a direct line to your heart, which ached in response to the two weeks of radio silence.  

“I thought-” He gritted his teeth as you pushed the needled through his skin again, “I thought you’d be safe if I wasn’t around. I thought you’d be happier.” 

You rolled your eyes, glancing over at him and then back down at the stitch you were working on. “If you really thought that, then you’re an idiot.”  

“I never said I was smart.” The smirk on his lips reminded you of the rage you had swallowed down earlier.  

“You. Left. Me.” You spit. “You couldn’t even say goodbye? You just fucking left me and thought I’d be happier? Fuck you, Frank. You should know by now that wherever you go, I go. If you really thought that leaving was a good idea, then you’re either blind or I’m a fucking idiot for falling in love with you.”  

You freeze, squeezing your eyes closed. Your planned speech had been thrown out the window the minute you’d let yourself feel just how angry you were at him for abandoning you, and you’d just accidentally said the L-word to Frank fucking Castle. 

Frank’s hands hover over yours, still mid stitch. You didn’t want to open your eyes and see the rejection written on Frank’s stupid face.  

“No. No. I didn’t mean to say that. Forget it.” You shook your head and focused your gaze on the chest wound that was almost completely stitched up.  

Frank’s hands wrap around yours, halting any more movement from you. You didn’t want to look, refused to, even. Frank mumbles your name, slightly squeezing your hands. 

You finally look up, meeting his gaze. His expression was mostly neutral, but his lips rested in a small smile.  

“You love me?” he asks, nonchalantly running his thumbs over your hands. 

You let your head bob in a single nod. 

“I lo-” You cut him off. 

“Don’t say it unless you mean it. And don’t say it if you’re going to leave again.” You plead with him. He lifts one bloody hand to cup your cheek and shakes his head. 

“I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it, sweetheart. I love you. And I left because that scared me. Everyone I’ve ever loved has been taken from me. I know it was stupid to leave, and I’m sorry.”  

His words weakened the fire in your blood. Your eyes softened and you leaned into his hand, still cupping your cheek.  

“I thought you were dead.” You whisper into his palm, pressing a soft kiss into his skin. 

“’m sorry. I’ll never leave you again.”  

The weight of his promise sits on your chest for a moment.  

“Okay.” You respond, nodding your head. Your attention returns to his chest, a comforting silence overtaking the apartment as you finish stitching up the cut. You slowly make your way down Frank’s body, searching for and patching up any injuries you come across.  

You help pull Frank to his feet. You’re both thoroughly covered in his blood, and you’re almost positive you won’t be getting your security deposit back on account of the giant puddle of it on your floor. 

“Are you staying?” You ask, warily glancing between him and the door.  

Frank cups your jaw and pulls you into a searing kiss. You stumble into his hold as he wraps his arms around you in a tight hug. 

“I’ll stay forever if that’s what you want.” He mumbles against your lips. 

“That’s what I want.” Your voice is breathy, seductive, even. 

“Okay.” His tone is final as he nods and kisses you again.  

“Okay.” You respond, smiling into the kiss. He pushes you backwards towards your bedroom, but you stop him. “We both reek. Shower, then fun, okay? And only if your cut doesn’t hurt too bad.” 

“Got it, boss.” He chuckles, pulling you toward the bathroom.  

After your shower, you walk into the bedroom, fully intent on ravishing Frank whole when you notice his sleeping form. He’s already in a deep sleep, arms resting behind his head on the pillow. You knew the adrenaline from the night would eventually catch up to him. You crawl into bed next to him and rest your head on his chest, carefully avoiding the cut you’d covered in gauze after your shared shower.  

Frank turns, wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you closer to him. 

“Mmmm, love you.” He mumbles, still mostly asleep. 

“I love you, Frankie.” You whisper, content to spend the rest of your life wrapped in his arms. Frank Castle is a mystery to most people, but not to you, you decide as you drift off to sleep, not to you.  

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Duck, Duck, Pitbull

Joel Miller x Winchester!Reader

Summary: You and your brothers picked up two hitch hikers near your compound in Jackson. This follows the important scenes between a Miller and a Winchester.

Word Count: 11k+

Warnings: Fem!reader, i do an abrupt pov shift once, SPN x The Last of Us crossover, age gap ≥10 years, big bro!Winchesters, mentions/depictions of violence, smut (hair pulling, dom/sub dynamic?, vaginal penetration, praise kink, rough sex), mentions/depictions of pregnancy/miscarriage symptoms, slow burn, angst, fluff, typos, etc.

A/N: the smut is after the 👹, so you can skip it but i still think MINORS DNI honestly i wanted to just add a brother named dean but then i was like ah what the hell let's put THE Dean™ so i did lol. rekindling the superwholock girlie though i never made it too far in supernatural. Tbh it doesn't warp the plot too much though. Tagging: @pinksirensong @aralezinspace @sloanexx @igotanidea @multifandom-fangirl4 have since cross posted on ao3

The sound of a gun's safety being unhinged was what made Joel freeze. He clenches his jaw and feels something poke the back of his head, undoubtedly a gun.

"Hands up," a deep voice calls behind him, "turn around. Slowly."

Joel thinks of Ellie as he raises his hands. Told that damned kid not to wander far. He sighs and hears the sound of his boots crunch the icy snow, melted by the entrance of this abandoned shed.

When he turns around, he sees four people, one of them was holding the gun to his face, and two of them had a hand on Ellie's shoulder.

The woman behind Ellie grins, "I told you he was hot."

Ellie and the man beside her makes a disgusted face and sound.

"Shut up," the man holding a gun to Joel's face barks to his side. He turns back to Joel and sighs, "I'm going to ask you questions, and if your response matches with the information your little girl gave us, we're not going to have any problems."

"And what if they don't," Joel quips back, eyes dark, lips pursed tightly.

"Well, then I assume one of you is lying to me, and that means you can't be trusted," he quips back.

Joel's eyes dart to Ellie.

"Hey, hey, look at me," the man blocks his vision, "what's your name?"

He huffs, "Joel."

"What's her name?"

"Ellie."

"Where are you two going?"

"North."

"Why?"

"I'm looking for my brother."

"What's your brother's name?"

Joel clenches his jaw, "Tommy."

"Is she your daughter?"

"No."

"Who is she then?"

Joel presses his lips together.

"Dean, that's enough," the woman cuts in.

"Don't interrupt me, kid," Dean barks back. He motions with his gun, "well, who is she."

"Cargo," Joel mutters.

Dean tilts his head and purses his lips. He drops his gun and puts it away, "what's your last name?"

Joel hesitates as he watches the two people with Ellie take their hands off her, the woman urging her to walk over to Joel. Ellie does so in a manner that seems somehow reluctant. Only when Joel has his hand on Ellie's arm does he reply to the man that was walking over to the others, "Miller."

Dean makes a fist and grunts victoriously. He turns to the man, "I fucking told you he's Joel Miller."

The taller of the three rolls his eyes and pulls out something from the back of his pocket and gives it to Dean. Joel's attention is averted when the woman pushes past between the two and waves at him, introducing herself with a soft smile. She points her thumb to one side, "this is my brother Dean," then the other, "and Sam. We're the Winchesters."

Joel furrows his brows, almost tempted to say he didn't give a fuck.

Her smile brightens, "just throwing that out there since we know your first and last names and all."

"Also, we know where your brother is," Sam says.

Dean casually walks off. Sam watches as he does so then turns back to his sister. She turns to him then to Joel, "wanna come with us? It would be stupid not to really, since we'll wind up at the same place anyway."

Sam gives Joel and Ellie a look before following after his brother.

Ellie turns to Joel and nudges him. Joel looks down at her, then back to the woman, "describe Tommy to me."

A loud voice calls out her name.

She huffs, "uh... lemme see. Dark hair, tanned skin, uh, uh--

The call is repeated, but much angrier this time.

"No time. But- oh- he does have a mustache like yours!" She waves her hands, "I really can't wait any longer. What do you say?"

Ellie nudges Joel sharper this time.

Joel grunts at the contact.

She sighs and turns to Ellie, saying goodbye when her name is called out like a battle cry, running off for her brothers.

"DUDE!" Ellie barks, turning to Joel.

Joel sighs, shaking his head, "wait!"

❄❄❄❄🦆❄❄❄❄

"Huh," I scoff, leaning at the side of the car, "I never thought I'd have my brother as competition." I smile to myself as I look past the open hood to see none other than a focused Joel, hands covered in motor oil, towel over his shoulder, brows furrowed with purpose.

He ignores me as I continue my teasing, "when did you and him become besties?"

"I'm just helping him with his car."

I roll my eyes as I walk back and eye the obsolete Impala my eldest brother was hellbent on reviving. I cross my arms and chuckle as I watch Joel dig his hands, armed with a hefty tool, deeper into the engine, lips curling at the action, "you do know Baby is off limits. He doesn't want anyone touching her, much less fixing her."

Joel eyes me before turning back to his work, "you seem affectionate over it too."

I laugh and shake my head. I shrug, "well I mean, it was our dad's." I walk near him, rubbing the outside of the car Dean spent tireless nights to achieve its sheen, "he passed before the world turned to fungus, so it was special then, and twice as special now." I put my hands behind my back, "reminds all of us of a time when things were..." I drag out and hum.

"Normal." Joel finishes for me.

"Less fungus-y," I correct, "my family's never been normal."

He grunts as he struggles against whatever he was doing.

"Plus, it keeps Dean sane. S'much as he can be."

"Well, I wouldn't worry about him getting bored," he sighs, propping the wrench back on the wheeled toolbox, and grabs his towel, wiping his hands on it. Joel turns to me, "he's got his work cut out for him."

I lick my lips and nibble at it as I smile at the gruff cutie. Joel turns back to Baby and sniffles.

"Tell me, cowboy," I tilt my head as shove my hands in my back pockets, "if you're not besties with my brother, then why are you helping him?"

He finishes wiping his hands when he turns back and says, "he promised me pie."

I pull my head back before I break into a loud cackle. I throw my head back and grip my ribs, "you say that," I sigh, leaning into him, grabbing his arm, "as if that's helping your case."

Joel eyes me as I catch my breath, "you do know that I baked the pie with him cause he," I raise a finger, "AND I QUOTE 'wants to prove to Miller that Winchester's pie is where it's at'. You do know that means you and him have been taking about pie, right? No one just talks about pie."

"What? Am I incapable of small talk?" Joel counters.

My eyes go wide, "yes! Why would either of you even atte-" I grunt, cutting myself off to prove a point. I purse my lips as I place my hands on my hips, "DEEEAN!"

Joel throws his towel back over his shoulder.

I tap my foot as I wait for a response. I get none.

I scream out again anyway, "JOEL SAID THAT HE CAN'T STAY FOR PIE CAUSE SOMETHING CAME UP."

Immediately there is a bustle behind the screen door to the garage, "aw, what?"

Joel and I turn to Dean as he comes out with two plates of pie with a grin. He hands one of them to Joel as he makes a face, "come on, man. You can stay for a slice."

I watch as Joel is urged with the plate. I hold back a laugh as I do so, then mask it by clearing my throat and getting the other plate from Dean. Immediately, he clicks his tongue and raises the plate over his head, scowling at me, "nuh-uh, this is mine," he motions to the door, "get your own plate."

I roll my eyes as grab the one meant for his bestie before Joel can. Dean hisses when I do so and I rush behind Joel as I take a bite. I swirl my fork in the whipped cream he added in the serving, "damn, Dean. Joel is mine. Stop trying to seduce him."

Dean gives me a face.

I lick my lips and push Joel from behind, "he has to wash his hands anyway. Can't let my man get poisoned."

Joel repels my push slightly, so I roll my eyes and grab his arm, dragging him inside. He eventually relents against my strength, tired to fight back at this point I think.

"He's not your plaything, assbutt!" Dean growls, as he follows us.

"Unfortunately," I mutter, turning over my shoulder, smirking at Joel before whispering, "but I'm trying to be."

I stop in my tracks before we reach the kitchen as someone calls my name. I turn and see it's Sam, holding a paper bag of what I assumed to be produce.

He eyes Joel hotly as he mutters out, "Miller."

Joel sucks in a breath and nods, "Winchester."

Sam begins to eye my grip on Joel. The latter then instinctively pulls me off. I give him a pout for it and eye Sam in retrebution.

Dean, at this point, walks in and notices the sasquatch, "oh, hey, Sammy," he stuffs a bite of pie in his face, "put that down over there."

I huff and turn to Joel, giving him a smile, "I'll get you a slice, go wash your hands."

I walk off, past Sam, who was still eyeing Joel, and grab a plate and fork to get a slice of pie, "you want one, Samsquash?"

"No," Sam blurts, eyes still on Joel, "I gotta get back," he pulls his head back and finally moves to set the paper bag down, "Eileen's making stew. Can't stay long."

I perk up at the sound of that, "oooh, is that what she's taking to the potlock?"

Sam smiles at me, "yep. What a' you bringing? Pie?"

Dean takes the plate of pie I sliced up for Joel and hands it to him himself. Joel, who was wiping his hands on the towel hung by the fridge, says a soft thanks.

I eye Dean but then turn to Joel with a smile.

The former points to the latter, "yeah. I couldn't stand the fact Joel said that lady Donna's pecan pie was the best he'd had in a long time."

Sam rolls his eyes and crosses his arms as Joel walks over to me, leaning on the counter same as I. Sam mumbles, "not everyone has access to pie in the apocalypse, Dean."

Sam then turns to Dean with an annoyed look as the eldest Winchester points a finger, "well, he lives here now, and in these parts, there's a hierarchy." He snaps his fingers and points at Joel, who I had been watching the entire time as he began to eat.

I give an expectant look, "good right?"

Joel turns to me, sighing as he takes another munch. He speaks with a full mouth, "really good."

I chuckle as Dean claps his hands before stretching it out, "and at the top: Winchester Apple Pie."

I snort as I turn to Dean.

Sam shakes his head as he withholds a grin, "right."

Dean glares at Sam, waving his hands, "I'm always right. Your point?"

"I'm leaving," Sam nods. He turns to me, ruffling up my hair, "later, kid."

I exaggeratedly grunt and shove him off, "later, loser."

Sam's amused expression flattens when he turns to Joel. He gives a wordless nod and Joel nods back.

❄❄❄❄🦆❄❄❄❄

"You fucker!" Ellie gasps as she breaks into a laugh.

I narrowed my eyes as I faux examined the surroundings, elbow propped on the sheep fence as I leaned my back on it. I pretend to only just hear Ellie. I give her a look, "you talking to me, punk?"

She snarls through a grin, "yeah, old lady!" Ellie bends down and bunches up snow in her hand, "you're the only one stupid enough to pick a fight with me!"

I raise my hands as she laughs and chucks snow to my face. I easily dodge her attack and whip my hair back, "wow, you call that a fight?"

Ellie groans, "oh, it's soooo on now!"

"Pssh," I eye her as I quickly bunch up snow, "I thought we were already fighting?"

One snowball thrown after another, it doesn't take long for me to yield to Ellie, allowing her the victory, which is all part of my mastermind scheme.

She giggles as she makes it over to me, lying down next to me on the snow I had dramatically fallen onto. I grunt and pant as Ellie plops down on the snow, "since this is the end, tell Joel I think he has a nice butt."

She giggles, "ew! Tell him yourself."

I grab snow and sprinkle it on her face, "I've been trying, Ellie."

She grunts and wipes her face, "well obviously not hard enough!"

I huff and push myself up on my elbows. I look down at Ellie as she purses her lips into a smile, "okay. What do you want me to do?"

She reaches out to me and I pull her up until she was sat down. I brush the snow off her and fix her beanie, "well. I got this dress-"

Ellie squeals out in giggles, "In October?"

"You didn't even know it was October," I growl, "and you didn't let me finish!" I shove her with my shoulder.

She laughs and brushes her hands off, "alright, alright... you got this dress."

I sigh and curl my legs into my chest, "It's more accurately an oversized sweater that I'm thinking to fashion with a belt or something..." I turn to Ellie wrapping my arms around my legs, "I was thinking you'd... ya know... help me get ready though."

Ellie perks up, "you want me to help you get ready?"

I playfully roll my eyes at her, "duhhh, Eileen is too busy for girl talk since he has my smelly brother and smelly nephew keeping her busy. Plus, she's pregnant, so."

Ellie throws her head back in laughter. I break into a chuckle and move to stand up, "and I mean that affectionately for Danny; he really just has some stinky farts. It's not his fault."

She stands up and dusts off the snow on her pants, "I'm in."

I smile at her, pulling her into a side hug, "my girl."

❄❄❄❄🦆❄❄❄❄

"Sooooo," Ellie trails off as she waddles next to Joel who was isolated at the end of the bar, "notice anything different with," she leans back on the bar top, tilting her head to Joel, wiggling her brows, "your favorite Winchester?"

Joel downs his bourbon and sets his glass on the coaster.

Ellie waits for him to react but then turns and props her elbow on the surface, clarifying who she meant.

"I know who you meant," he grunts.

"Well," she shrugs, "you and Dean have been getting close."

Joel eyes her.

"Hey!" she raises her hands, "you go to their house to fix his car, even though you say it'll take a miracle to make it work."

Joel licks his fang and swivels on his stool, averting his gaze elsewhere. He really didn't mean to see what he did.

Ellie catches it to, groaning in annoyance, "aw what! Not him again," she grunts, patting Joel's arm, "go do something."

Joel watches as the man laughs and leans close. Ellie cringes, "he's been trying to get her all attention all night," he turns to Joel, "cause she looks really cute in that dress, and you didn't even compliment her when I gave you an opening."

Joel's nostrils flare as he turns to Ellie, "you tend not to want to compliment someone when pinched on the side and threatened to do so."

She grumbles the way she did under her breath at that very moment Joel was referencing, "that's because you're an idiot with 0 game!"

He straightens up, "look," he snaps, "whatever it is you're doing, you need to stop."

Ellie glares daggers, "I don't understand your deal, Joel," she raises her voice, shifting in her spot to turn to him, "you don't like her?"

Joel turns from Ellie, off to the side, finding Sam stepped in and had now successfully scared of the guy that was making moves on his sister. He watches as Sam rolls his eyes at something that was said.

Joel turns back to Ellie, lips pursed. He doesn't respond.

"Then I honestly don't understand what your deal is," Ellie shakes her head, "she's made it crystal fucking clear that she likes you too."

"Ellie-"

"You're being such a wimp about it."

"It's not that simple."

Ellie makes a face, "it kinda is though," she raises a hand, "just go up to her and say 'wanna bang'-"

Joel groans.

"I guarantee-" Ellie hops in her eagerness, "GUARANTEE, that she will say yes."

"You need to hang out with people your age."

"Then make-" clap, "friends-" clap- "my-" clap, "age!"

Joel wipes his face. He doesn't get to respond as Ellie grabs his bicep. She hisses as he pulls him close, "she's on the move. I'm bringing her over. Don't fuck up."

Joel had little say in any of it. Soon enough Ellie came back with a look of vengeance on her face.

I purse my lips into a smile, "you wanted to talk to me Joel?"

Ellie answers for him, "yeah, he wanted to compliment your pie."

She shoves me next to Joel and I give her a look for her unnecessary manhandling. I watch as she gestures to Joel, pointing to fingers to her eyes before pointing them back and forth her and her dad.

I snort, kid is going overboard. I reach out and pinch her cheek, "I got it, baby doll. Go pick a fight with someone else."

"Oh-ho I will," Ellie says, gripping her fist, "Elijah and I are gonna have a rematch and I'm going to smother him in snow."

I chuckle, "yeah, you go do that."

Ellie walks off after that, muttering something under her breath about annihilation.

When I turn to the bar, I am surprised to see Joel reached out for a glass and is now pouring me a drink. He slides it over to me, chilled with ice, propped on a coaster and all and gives himself a refil.

I smile softly and take the cup, "thank you."

He grunts in response.

I take a sip of the drink. I catch him when he looks at me, and how he quickly looks away. He inhales sharply then takes a quick sip of his drink. We put our glasses down at the same time.

"So... that man that talked to you," Joel starts.

I raise my brows and cringe, "you mean that kid," I lean on my elbows, "darling just turned 19 and is ready to mate with anything within eye's view."

Joel can't help but chuckle.

I chuckle right back, leaning my head in my hand, "oh, you find that funny?"

Joel turns from his drink to me, shrugging as the tiniest of smiles laces his lips.

I shake my head, "he was persistent though. Convinced he could change my mind until Samsquash snarled at him," I chuckle lowly, "I'd say I feel bad, but somehow, though he's grown in the apocalypse, there's still a part of him that smells like the dudes that used to hit on me when I was younger. Full of themselves and entitled."

"I saw," Joel says, swirling his cup, "shudda snarled at him yourself. R' scarier than your brother."

I break into a giddy laugh. Joel turns to me then looks out the window past me, seeing that it was beginning to snow outside.

"I'm flattered," I say, straightening up, "twice over to know that you've been watching me."

Joel stills. He darts his eyes over to me. The grin on my lips widen.

Sam grunts at the sight of what was going on at the bar. That, and because his son, sat on his shoulders, was pulling his hair. He mutters lowly, "I don't like it."

Eileen, who was busy fixing the food with Maria and two other volunteers, eyes her husband and looks over her shoulder, spotting what was making Sam's blood boil so much. She sighs, "well, I'm happy to inform you it has nothing to do with you."

Sam turns to Eileen as he shakes his shoulders up for the entertainment of the kid on him, "you're kidding."

Eileen averts her attention to the coleslaw she was fixing, then to Sam, "what? You wanna be their third? That's weird as hell."

Sam grunts as Danny giggles and wraps his arms around his head, "higher, daddy! Higher!"

Sam adjusts his grip on his son's leg and clutches the side of his belly as he makes him bounce on his shoulder.

"Giddy up, horsey!" Dean blurts as he makes his way over to the buffet table, winding his hands up in the air. He lets out an airy sound and smirks at his baby bro, "woooow, fatherhood has made you it's b-" he cuts himself off, just as Sam eyes him. Dean corrects himself, "female dog."

Eileen snorts out a loud laugh as he takes Dean's plate, "you want some coleslaw?"

"Uh," Dean snaps to her, "hard pass," he raises a finger. He motions to the side, "barbeque and apple pie only, please."

Eileen shakes her head, "aye, aye, sheriff."

Dean then averts his attention to his nephew, who then looks down at him. He raises his hands up at Danny, wiggling his fingers, "come one, kid. You're invited to the big boy table."

Danny immediately stirs and leans toward his uncle, forcing Sam to bend down and grip him tightly as he moves to Dean's arms.

Dean graciously takes the four-year-old in his arms and coos at his man Dan. He snuggles into him, "darling, I have no idea how my brother helped make such a cutie baby."

Danny giggles as Dean blows a raspberry to his neck. When he pulls away, Danny places his soft hand on Dean's cheek, "uncle, we-" he inhales deeply, "we play with da animals."

Dean nods, "yep. We're gonna go play with the animals."

Danny squeals in excitement.

Sam cuts in, "later. It's snowing pretty hard out."

Dean turns to his brother, to his nephew, to his sister-in-law, who hands him back his plate. Dean gets it from her and walks off to his table, Sam follows suit.

"What some some pie, sweetheart?" Dean says as he sits with Danny on his lap.

Danny shakes his head though he begins to reach out for Dean's fork. Dean lets him take it as Sam pulls out a toy car from his pocket, "Danny."

Danny turns to his papa.

"Mustang?" Sam asks.

Danny calls, "Mufta!"

Dean gets the car from Sam and hands it to Danny before getting his fork and eating some food.

As Danny amuses himself by pushing the toy car back and forth on the table, his dad turns to his uncle, cocking his head to the side, "you really gonna let that slide?"

Dean chews, eyes flickering off knowingly to the bar, back to Sam, "I," he calls out, "like him."

Sam leans on his chair, crossing his arms, "you like him cos he helps with your car."

"I like him cos he helped us with the goat demon in the mountains and didn't bat a fucking eye."

Danny gasps, turning to his uncle, "bad word!"

Dean makes a guilty face as Danny shakes his head, "that's not good."

"Sorry, my man Dan."

Sam sniffles, rubbing his nose. He crosses his legs and bounces his foot, "well, the last guy helped us out too."

"Yeah, except I never liked or trusted him," Dean cuts, putting his fork down, "you did."

Danny makes a bubbly engine sound with his lips.

Sam and Dean stare at each other. The former clenches his jaw, "you saying I'm a bad judge of character?"

"I'm saying you got cynical," Dean adjusts Danny on his lap. He checks his nephew before looking out to his sister. He sighs, turning to his brother, "he's a man. I'm a man. I know what he's capable of," he explains, "and I'm my baby siblings' protector, so I get where you're coming from. Especially with her, okay. I get it."

Instinctively, Sam looks out and instantly spots Tommy and Maria, arms around each other as they talked. He turns back to Dean, "but you're gonna let her go with someone older than you because you see yourself in him."

Dean rolls his jaw, "I'm gonna let her go with who she wants because I want her to be happy."

Sam shakes his head.

"And," Dean grabs his fork and scoops up some pie, "if things goes sideways, you'll be the first to bark," he stuffs his face, licking his lips, "and I'll be the last to bite."

Sam and Dean stare at each other for a while.

"He's reluctant with his emotions," Sam sighs, "she isn't. I'm just worried it might blow up in her face."

Suddenly, Danny is being hauled of Dean's lap as Eileen comes over, looking at the brothers. She sighs, turning to her son, "how about we go to the big girl's table for a change?" She kisses her son's cheek.

At that moment, Dean spots her sister stand from the bar and walk out of the place, hand gripping Joel's belt and he dragged him out with him, "well fuck. I'm gonna be an uncle all over again."

Sam stiffens and looks over his shoulder.

Dean turns wide eyed at his food, "that's definitely something you can't unsee," he stuff his face again, "but hey, ya know, good for them. Took 'em long enough," his face falls at the thought though, suddenly cringing in mighty disgust, "yeah. I'm gonna be couch surfing at your place tonight."

Sam turns back to him, shaking his head in distaste.

❄❄❄❄👹❄❄❄❄

We didn't make it my bed when we got back home. To be honest, I thought it would be me that snapped first, but was Joel. Joel who was so impatient, Joel who was so viscous, Joel who was pent up though it was him fucking holding out for seemingly absolutely no reason.

He didn't even give me a chance to strip him naked and live my fantasies for real. He got me pressed up against the back of the damned couch, spine pressed against his chest as he clawed at my pants as if his life depended on it.

He bunched my top up and pushes me forward as he played with the pulse in between my thighs. He hisses where I whine. I let out a sound, "I fucking told you, old man," I grunt, "need you to fuck me over."

Joel growls and rubs two fingers into my wetness before plunging in, "don't fucking call me that."

My chuckle evaporates into a whiny moan as he shoves me forward and fucks his fingers into me.

My hands grip at the sofa as I try to lift my head up and even my breathing. I dart my tongue out to my teeth as the feel of his thick, calloused digits work into my tenderness. I pant, putting the remnant of my brain cells to good use, "should I call you daddy then?"

Joel hisses, pulling away from me.

I groan in protest at the loss of contact, but chew on my lip and turn around when I hear the sound of him undoing his belt. I feel my slick drip down my thigh as I watch in anticipation. I reach out to help him, but he swats my hand away and cranes his neck forward, "on your knees."

My jaw slacks but I waste no time and drop to my knees, eyes locked on his, then to his pants that were now being unzipped.

Joel shakes his head and grabs my shoulders, "all fours."

The sound I make is embarrassingly desperate and needy when he shoves me down, but I don't give a shit.

I prop myself on my hands and knees and feel my core flutter and weep in anticipation. I tug my lower lip, restless at the wait. I whine, panting heavily, "Joel, hurryyyyyy. I don't want to bruise my knees."

I feel him drop down behind me, "I'll fucking bruise your pussy, you brat."

My jaw drops. He shoves my dress up again. My stomach swirls. I never fucking pegged Joel Miller to have such a dirt-

I let out a loud and obscene sound when I feel him mount me. There was no warning, no calm before the storm, just pure, thrashing, needy, filthy fucking. I suck in a deep, strangled breath, as if I just came out of water at the feel of him ripping into me.

Joel rumbles like a hungry wolf as he flicks his hips. His ferocious presto made the sound of skin slapping echo in the empty house, muted out, of course, by my delirious wailing.

My knees skid and my arms dip as I struggle to hold myself up against his force, hip bones reveling in the strength of his grip and how his fingers were surely, stingingly, and deliciously bruising my flesh.

"Joel," I call out as my voice hikes up and down against his actions.

"That's sir to you, brat," he grunts, grabbing my hair, pulling my head back by it.

I exclaim at the pleasurable discomfort of his strength, feeling my belly begin to tighten and my core follow suit. I moan, "oh, fuck, yes, sir, yes sir, yesir, yezir, yeshr, yea, yu, yuh, hhh, hu, hu, hu-"

"You feel so good, baby girl," he grunts, "so wet, and soft against my hard dick."

I groan and squeal simultaneously, "yes, sir, thank- hu- thnksir-"

The sound of Joel's deep pants make me dig my nails into the hardwood floor. I feel myself reaching closer and closer so quickly to my peak.

I could feel my knees begin to chafe and bruise against the floor, but I really couldn't care less because of how good I felt everywhere else.

"Feel so good, baby," he sighs, one hand coming to my sensitive nub, stroking me there graciously until his fingers were covered in my arousal, "dripping so much. This for me?"

"Yes sir!" I whine, "for you, for you, for you-"

"Good girl."

I squeal at the praise, leaning my face down to the floor as I feel drool slip out of my open mouth as my cheek rubs into the wood."

Joel chuckles darkly, "you a good girl for me?"

"Yes sir. Yes please."

He hums "taking me so good," he grunts, "come around me then, pretty girl. Can you do that for me?"

"YES!" I growl, "yes, sir, please sir, so close, so-"

With the combined sensation of his rapid rocking and steady rubbing, it doesn't take much for me to rupture against him and crumble into wanton sounds. I feel my insides shatter into a million pieces, my lungs fall out of enough air, and my brain get fogged with only the thought of Joel Miller fucking me senseless.

He lets me ride it out. He makes sure I ride it out and fucks into me until I can't bare to keep myself up.

And then when that was over, when my wounded knees were begging for the same relief my aching body just had. Joel pulls out of me and I hear a squelch and a string airy curses.

As I catch my breath, I feel something hot splutter down my left thigh.

"Fuck," Joel sighs and grunts, "I... made a mess on you, darlin."

I whimper as I slide down flat on my stomach, "s'ok sir," I moan as I press my cheek on the floor, "wanna be a mess for you. Wanna be your good girl... wanna be yours... wanna be yours."

Joel doesn't respond even though his chest tightens at that admission. Its the fucking, he thinks. He made it clear that's all it was.

❄❄❄❄🦆❄❄❄❄

"Did you check the back, Dean?"

"Of course I checked the back, Sam. What am I? Two?"

"Danny's smarter than you now, actually," Sam points.

Dean rolls his eyes, while I walk past them with a chuckle, "it's true. Also, I checked the back."

Sam turns to me, "ok, good."

"Bitch-" Dean starts, but is cut off by Sam, who flares at the sight of Joel following me into the truck.

"Woah," Sam says, raising his hand up, "what is he doing here?"

I give him a look, "he's your replacement, dummy. It's always been a three person job."

Joel turns to Sam as he grunts and climbs into the back. I catch Sam's expression and roll my eyes at him, "dude. Just be with your wife. She's been having really bad headaches and fatigue. She needs you more than we do."

Sam turns to me and snaps, "I know."

I shake my head, "I know you know."

I watch Joel as he finally gets in and sits in front of me. I hold in my laugh as I notice his red face and heavy breathing. I bite my lip and nod at him, "you good, grampa?"

Joel eyes me.

"Does he even know what's gonna go down?" Sam calls, leaning on the truck, ignoring Joel beside him, looking straight across at me.

I give him a look, "of course he knows what's gonna go down, or else he's gonna die."

Sam rolls his jaw and turns to Joel.

"Oh get over it, Samsquash," Dean pushes Sam away, "I'll catch a rabbit for Eileen. It's what she used to crave when she was pregnant with Danny." He places a bag in the front seat, "probably why that kid loves hopping around so much." When he doesn't get a response, he turns to Sam and purses his lips, "and it's not like we're doing an exorcism."

Sam huffs, rolls his eyes, and taps his foot, "but you might."

Dean gets into the front seat of the pickup truck, "nah. It'll be fine. Joel's a sharpshooter."

Sam shakes his head, "oh right. I totally forgot."

Dean eyes Sam, raising his brows, "do you wanna come?"

"No," Sam blurts, "I need to be with Eil-"

Dean slams the door shut and opens the engine. I wave at Sam as we drive away, grinning at his annoyed expression.

"That's pretty harsh," Joel mutters to me, hands on the side of the truck.

I turn to him and raise a brow, "oh, like you wouldn't do that to Tommy."

Joel purses his lips.

I chuckle.

❄❄❄❄🦆❄❄❄❄

Dean laughs as he looks through his binoculars, "man."

Joel cocks his sniper beside him.

I squint as I look out to the distance.

"If you make that shot," my brother says, "I'll be the officiant of your wedding."

I snort at that.

Joel tenses, turns to Dean, then back to his scope.

I huff and grab the binoculars from my brother, who barely mutters out protest in lieu of keeping quiet. He does however say, "fucking rat," very angrily under his breath.

Joel sucks in a breath, "I got eyes on the target."

Dean gives me one last dirty look, then turns to him and nods, "okay, remember. No matter what happens, do not let its form deter you, alright? Shoot it dead. It will take form of someone you won't want to kill to save itself. Don't let it stop you."

Joel lets out a breath that condenses with the cold.

I spot the entity. In its form now, it was a shapeless dark nothing. I suck in a breath, "you can do it, Joel. You got this."

Joel readies himself to take the shot. It was mostly mental preparation because he knew what was gonna happen, who that thing was going to turn into if he doesn't kill it with the first bullet. He was warned over and over. He'd be a fool not to listen.

I bite my lips in anticipation.

Dean begins to get a little restless after a while, especially since he couldn't see that far off. He wants to urge Joel but he doesn't say anything. He's got time.

Then bang.

One shot.

But it wasn't enough.

There is a loud screech.

Joel quickly cocks his gun.

I watch as the entity morphs before my eyes. Joel sees it too. It's a little girl. It sees withers in pain and finally spots its attack. It spots Joel and reaches out to him, hands bloody, face scared and desperate.

Joel hesitates. His finger straining against the trigger, unable to pull it back.

"Joel," I mutter softly, pulling the binoculars away, giving it back to Dean, who eagerly looks out with it.

I lean close to him, placing a hand on his shoulder, "it's not her, Joel. Listen to me, okay? It's not her."

Joel feels his hands shake.

Dean finally sees the target and stiffens, "she's right. That's no little girl, Joel," he explains calmly, though he did not like the fact the thing was inching towards them at a quick pace, "little girls don't have red eyes, Joel."

But Joel doesn't see the red eyes, he sees her. He sucks in a sharp breath then heaves slowly.

"Joel," I call slowly, "it's not her."

Dean gulps as the thing comes closer. He pulls the binoculars away and readies his own gun. Before he can cock it though, another bang rips through the air. This time, there was no more scream.

Joel pulls away from his gun away and breathes heavily.

I grab his arm and look at him, brushing his hair back, repeating over and over again, "it wasn't her. It wasn't her, Joel."

Joel turns to me as I take the firearm from him and place it down on the floor.

Dean pats Joel's shoulder but then motions with his head, "come on, you have to see it with your own eyes."

The three of then walk over to the fallen creature, its form no longer what it was, neither a black entity or a little girl, it was now a blob of corroded flesh.

Joel looks down at it with a tense face. I cling to his arm and pull him close. I feel him shiver against me. Dean throws some magazine papers on the carcass then sets it on fire.

We watch it burn then put out the flame once the smell of burnt flesh was gone. It was always a weird feeling to be comforted by the flames of a monster you killed.

❄❄❄❄🦆❄❄❄❄

The front door opens.

"Hey El-machine, is your papa here?" I ask.

Ellie cringes as she lets me walk inside her house, "please don't bring your kinks into this."

I turn to her and give her a look, "what?! I'm not-"

"Joel's upstairs," she cuts me off.

I pull my head back at that, "is he sleeping in today too?"

Ellie shrugs, "IDK," she slings her backpack over her shoulder, "I'm heading off to school."

I dash over to her, messing her hair up before she gets out, "be good."

"I'll do my best," she retorts, smoothening out the mess I did on her head before putting on her beanie.

I dash up the stairs and knock on Joel's bedroom door, calling out his name. I don't get a response the first time, but I get a grunt the second time though, and take it as a cue to walk in.

It was clear from the get go that Joel was sick, judging by the layers upon layers of blankets on him. He normally didn't get too cold, or, well, at least not when I slept with him.

I walk over to his laid body and brush his hair back, hissing at the heat on his forehead.

"Fuck."

I turn back to get some medicine for him, but before I could run off, he grabs my hand and I gasp at its hotness.

I move close to him and bend down, clutching his burning hand with my cooler ones, "what is it, baby?"

Joel groans, eyelids struggling to open. He mutters softly, "stay wi' me."

I pout at his words, "I will. I promise. I just have to get medicin-"

"Done," he mutters. He sighs, "I did. Please... ... need to... hold..."

I frown. I nod at his words. I take off my shoes, crawl over him, and bring myself under the sheets. I huff at the heat Joel was radiating. I begin to think of the repercussions of cuddling someone with a fever, but I cast it away as I lean into Joel, allowing him to either pull me in or curl into me.

He chooses the latter, rolling over into my arms, his hot face nestling into my cool neck. I let him latch onto me and seal me in a tight hug. I wrap my arms around him and brush his hair back with my fingers.

I feel guilty about his state. It had been a few days since we took him to the woods, and he's been under the weather ever since.

"You need to get better, okay?" I mutter softly, "so that I can learn how to shoot from you and you won't ever have to do this again."

I feel him rub his cheek against me. I swear I hear him mutter 'let me do it' under his breath.

❄❄❄❄🦆❄❄❄❄

"Ew," I groan as I push back the plate of eggs Joel made for me, "this is raw, Joel."

Joel looks over from the kitchen, giving me a look, "beggars can't be choosers, darlin'."

Ellie grimaces as she chews on her own mushy plate of eggs.

I catch her expression and ask, "is yours raw too?"

"No, its you to that makes me sick," she notes.

I shake my head and turn back to Joel, "it makes me want to puke." I feel disgust at even just the sight of the plate, "please recook it for me."

Joel huffs as he puts out the flame of the stove. He grabs the pan with a towel and brings it over to the table, placing it on a pot holder, "just eat some chicken."

I lean over to look at the meat, finding it charred and black in some places. I feel my stomach react in distaste, "yeah... thanks honey, but I think I'll have some apples instead."

Joel watches me as I stand and hand him my plate. He gets my eggs, turns to the pan then to Ellie, "it's not even that bad."

Ellie shrugs, poking a large piece for herself, "she's been having tummy problems. Must be from eating all your bad cooking, to be honest."

Joel huffs, turning over his shoulder, watching me grab some apples for myself. He walks over to me and watches as I wash it and take a bite.

"Is my cooking really that bad?" he asks.

I chuckle at him and shake my head, "no. My stomach has just been goofy, s'all."

Joel leans one hand on the counter. I chew on the fruit as I rub his belly, "you should hug me til I'm better."

Joel sighs as I walk over to him and wrap my arms around his torso.

"Yo, I'm literally eating over here!" Ellie calls out.

"Yeah, and I'm literally just hugging your dad," I bite on my apple and chew against Joel's chest, inhaling the scent of him, comforting and warm.

"Old people are so gross."

❄❄❄❄🦆❄❄❄❄

I huff as I jog back to Joel, who was catching his breath. He was hunched over and exhausted after all the walking we did to follow the deer that ran off.

"You good, honey?" I ask.

He huffs, "m'fine."

"Hey, no shame in needing to take a moment."

Joel lifts his eyes and sees Sam and Dean, both steadily treading up the upward slope of this steep, frosty mountain. There is. There is shame in that

I help him straighten up and smile, "I don't know why you find this so hard, to be honest."

Joel eyes me dirtily as he and I begin to laugh and walk, arms linked together.

I giggle, "I'm just saying, we do a lot of cardio as it is. You should be as healthy as a horse."

He snorts through his nostrils, reaching out to push my hair back, "clearly not enough, baby girl."

❄❄❄❄🦆❄❄❄❄

Joel's entire body hurts. He feels it. It's loud and clear. He's not what he used to be before. It hurt after their hunt. It hurt after he did manual labor. It hurt. He was hurting.

He laid in bed alone tonight because his body hurting. His body hurt too much, too much for him to be of any help to the Winchesters. The three did the right choice leaving him. He'd've died if he tagged along. He'd have been dead weight.

Joel sighs, screwing his eyes shut.

He's old.

He's weak.

He no use. No good.

He thinks about Sam. Maybe this was why he was so irked by him. He knew Joel was about to give out. He's not good enough for his sister. He isn't. He knows it. I mean... he was clear about what he could give anyway. He was clear about it, but lately, he's been letting himself dream. He's been letting himself think.

But he feels it clearly now. He remembers why he kept his distance, why he was so reluctant in the first place despite himself, despite how much he actually wanted to dream. And yet again, despite himself he went for it, despite the sense in his brain that told him not to, he let himself laugh, he let himself feel, he let himself break open, even just a tiny bit.

Joel rolls on the bed and feels like his back was being pulled in the most horrible way possible.

Fuck.

This... This wasn't... He wasn't the sight someone should come home to.

Joel sighs.

He knows what he has to do...

... before it's too late.

❄❄❄❄🦆❄❄❄❄

"What?" my lips quiver, "what do you mean, Joel?"

Joel licks his lips as he places his hands on his hips. "I'm saying... we had a good run. I think it's better we end things because I can't keep up with you anymore."

"Keep up?" I shake my head.

He sighs, "darling, look at me. I'm not exactly the picture of youth."

I knit my brows tightly and shake my head, "Joel, you're not seriously saying we stop seeing each other because you caught yourself with a few more wrinkles?"

"It's not the wrinkles," he snaps, "it's everything. The stamina, the interests. You deserve someone who can be there to help you and your brothers, and someone who's interested in you."

"Wait," I shake my head, "you're telling me you're not interested in me?"

Joel clenches his jaw.

I scoff.

He mutters, "s'what it is."

"You lying rat," I grunt, nostrils flaring, "you listened to me rant about Pluto and my high school clubs. You don't do that when you're uninterested."

He shakes his head, "I told you that time at the bar, I could only give you half of what you wanted from me and you said that was fine."

I scoff at his words, "so, what? Everything since then was an act so you could keep fucking me?"

Joel does not respond.

I feel my eyes glass, "why would you agree to help me and my brothers then? Don't fucking tell me you let yourself have nightmares just to get into my pants!"

Nothing.

I groan and grab at his collar, "you confided in me. You told me she was your daughter!" I feel myself shake in my anger and frustration, "she was the one you saw in the woods. You told me you dreamt about her! You broke down to me about her!" I hiss, eyes welling with tears, "don't fucking lie to me, Joel."

"I can't--" he quips, "-do it anymore."

I feel my tears roll down my cheeks.

"I can't be with you," he huffs, "I don't want to be with you."

I feel like I'm shot when I hear him say that. I release him and step back, breathe catching in my throat as I tried to calm myself and prevent tears from falling.

Joel's expression begins to harden, "being with you..." he goes quiet before he continues. His voice breaks when he admits, "is exhausting."

A stake to the heart. A bullet to the brain. A slap on the face.

I cannot help but crumble before him. My heart clenches. My lips begin to quiver.

I shake my head, "I can... I can change."

Joel's face twitches.

"I can... I can be what you want... please, Joel, I-"

He steps back when I try to reach out for him again, without the hostility. Joel knit his brows, "you can't change. Not for me."

He doesn't even give me a chance to speak again as he just leaves me and walks away.

❄❄❄❄🦆❄❄❄❄

"Baby," Eileen gathers my hair and rubs my back.

I groan as I pull away from the toilet I was hunched over.

"S'auntie okay?" Danny, who was peeping through the open bathroom door, mutters. Eileen pulls away from me as I flush the toilet and wash my mouth and hands on the sink.

Danny is picked up by his mom and is kissed on the cheek, "auntie is just a little sick because her tummy didn't like the pancakes."

Danny clutches Eileen's face, "pancake's not yummy for auntie?"

"No, Dan," I huff and turn to Danny, "I liked the pancakes we made but-"

I can't continue because of the look Eileen gives me. I look at her and her solemn expression. I feel my eyes begin to water. I release a breath and yet still get betrayed by my voice, "my- my tummy's just... been a bit upset lately."

Danny looks at me and pouts, "papa rubs my belly and mama makes me soup when I - when my tummy hurts. Maybe you need'a poop auntie."

I rub my eyes and walk over to Danny, brushing his hair back, "thank you, sweetie pie," I pout and sigh, "but I don't have to poop. At least not right now."

Danny reaches out to me, making grabby hands. I let out a breath and take my nephew into my arms. He seals me into a tight embrace and strokes my hair, "it's ok, auntie. I go rub your belly for you."

I sniffle against the child's tiny shoulder. He begins to wrangle out of my hold and I put him down in front of me.

Eileen comes up to my side and grabs my arm as her son steps in front of me and raises both of his hands to my belly, making shushing noises, "there, there. Shhh. It's gonna be okay. It will pass."

Fuck. I bring my face into my hands, unable to hold back the tears that are ripping out of my eyes. Danny sounded so much like Sam. Eileen brings me into a side hug, clutching Danny's head as she did, "baby girl..."

What if... What if Joel... and mine acts like him... and-

Danny embraces my and his mom's legs, leaning his cheek against my thigh, "it's ok auntie. You can cry if it hurts."

I bite my lip and hold in my sobs, feeling my chest begin to cave in and my nose begin to clog. I turn to Eileen, finding that she too was now crying.

"Oh, gosh, I-"

"It's okay," she shakes her head, pulling me close to her, "we'll get through this. It will pass. No matter what. You have me, Danny, Sam, and Dean."

I hold back my miserable whines, reaching out for her belly that was barely beginning to show. My eyes were fogged by tears as I mutter softly, "I'm sorry that this is happening to me when you-"

"Shut up," she quips, "there's nothing to be sorry for," Eileen eagerly disagrees, "in fact, it's exciting to know at the end of it there'll be two babies. They'll be best friends, baby. The best."

"Wait-" a voice cuts, "you're pregnant?"

Eileen and I turn back.

Sam behind us is wide eyed and wholly shocked.

My breath leaves me. Eileen walks up to my brother, grabbing his arm, "Sam."

Sam looks out to me with wide eyes.

"Daddy, auntie's tummy is upset," Danny says, walking over to his dad, "I rubbed it so that it gets better."

Sam ignores his son as he looks at me, awaiting my response.

I shake my head and shrug, "I... I don't know... but I think-" I choke on my tears.

Sam grunts, jaw tightening. He quips, "what did he say?"

I shake my head and shrug again.

"No," he raises a finger, "what does that mean?"

"It means... we haven't been talking for a while before I even found out, Sam."

Sam lets out a deep breath. Eileen mutters something to him.

"I'll fucking kill him," he mutters.

Danny gasps, "daddy bad! You said a bad word!"

Sam turns down, sighing, "fuck- shit- sorry- I- Sorry, Danny-"

"DADDY!"

❄❄❄❄🦆❄❄❄❄

Dean huffs as he sits down on the table. He looks across at Ellie, who watches him as he places his hands on the table, "anything?"

She shrugs, "I'm just convinced he's fucking stupid."

He sighs, shaking his head as he looks out the window, "damn fucking straight."

Ellie leans forward, "maybe we should just lock them in a room together, force them to make up."

Dean turns to her, "absolutely not. I'm not locking my sister up with a man too spineless to face the truth about his feelings," he crosses his arms, "plus. She's been staying at Sam & Eileen's. I think she thinks I haven't caught on and that I'd still invite your old man over to fix Baby."

Ellie groans, bringing her face down to the table, knocking on it with her forehead repeatedly, "why did they even break up? They were so lovey-dovey and gross, and now they just... fucking stopped." She groans and pulls at her hair, "they're both fucking miserable too. I don't fucking get it."

Dean makes a face, "lay off the curses, kid."

"You lay off the fucking curses," she snaps, turning to him.

Dean shakes his head and rolls his eyes. He sighs and looks out the window again, watching a bunch of people outside walk by, "I know my sister. She would never have been the one to break things off. And from what I gather from Joel," he turns back to Ellie, voice getting smaller, "he must have pulled some self-righteous shit about being too fucking broken for her or something."

Ellie watches Dean look out the window again. She shifts in her seat, pursing her lips in thought, "yeah... sounds like something he would do."

Dean scoffs, leaning into his elbows, brows knitting tightly, "kick some sense into him, Ellie."

Ellie was about to agree, but then she stopped herself and said, "can't you do?"

Dean pulls his head back.

"You seem to be... speaking from experience."

Dean's lips curve into a smile. He lets out an airy chuckle, "don't make this about me," he stands and moves away from his seat, "and if I talk to him, I'm going to want to leave a few marks for making my sister cry."

Ellie straightens, "has she been crying a lot?"

Dean raises a brow, "probably not as much as Joel."

❄❄❄❄🦆❄❄❄❄

I freeze when I hear someone call out my name. I wrap my arms around myself and walk faster.

She calls out to me again. I hear her run towards me. Half of my brain urges me to run too. And I want to, but I don't. I let Ellie catch up with me as I rush away from her house.

"Stop!" she calls, grabbing onto my arm, running up in front of me, "please," she sighs, "don't go! Come inside, talk to-"

"I can't-" I shake my head, "I- I..." I feel my eyes water, "I can't Ellie."

Ellie shakes her head, "why not? You know you want to. You both want to. Joel has-"

"You can't tell him I've been coming here," I quip quickly.

She knits her brows and purses her lips, "you've been coming here?"

I shudder at my slip. I shake my head and cover my face, pushing past her.

Ellie calls out my name and holds me back. I power against her but she persists. It causes us to topple over on the snowy ground.

I grunt as try to dodge Ellie as I fall back onto her. I bring my hand out as I fall to my side. I let out a breath as I roll over then turn to Ellie, "are you okay?"

Ellie quickly sits up and grabs onto me, "don't run away please. Please. I miss you."

My voice cracks, "Ellie-"

"I'll help you talk to him if you need me. Please. Give him another sh-"

"He doesn't want me Ellie," I cut her off.

"What?"

"He doesn't want me."

Ellie makes a face, "that's not true."

"He doesn't want me," I repeat, "he told me that himself."

She scowls, helping me get up, "he's a fucking liar."

"I didn't go here to-" I say as I get to my feet. "I didn't..." I even my breathing, I didn't come here to work things out with him."

Ellie knits her brows as she clings onto my top, afraid I would run away again.

My eyes begin to water. I choke out a sob, "I'm pregnant."

Ellie's eyes widen. Her jaw slacks. Her face falls.

I chuckle dryly as I cup her reddened cheeks, "you're... gonna be a sister."

Ellie looks at me, completely still and silent.

I let out a shaky breath, "he didn't want me before I found out, Ellie. He sure as hell won't want me now."

Ellie blinks heavily then rapidly, "no! I can-"

"You can't tell him," I huff, shaking my head, "it has-" huff, "-it has to be me," I rub her face with my thumbs, "you understand?"

She releases a breath and nods. He places her hands on my wrists then steps closer, "I understand."

I offer her a soft smile and pull away.

She grabs my hands, "... let me help you, okay? ... please?"

❄❄❄❄🦆❄❄❄❄

I am sitting on the floor, leaning against the door with my legs curled up. There is a chair to my side, jammed up by the knob so that it couldn't be opened from the inside.

I panic when I feel an attempt at opening the door. I jolt and turn to the knob as it shimmies violently.

Bang. Bang. Bang.

"ELLIE!" shaking, "THE DOOR IS JAMMED."

More bangs on the door.

I clear my throat, swallowing the lump at the back of my mouth. I suck in a breath and stand, clutching my hands together as I gather the strength to speak.

"ELLIE!"

"Joel."

It goes silent. The banging and the shimmying ceases.

I feel like I need to puke.

My head begins to spin. I move to the stairs and look down at Ellie, stood at the bottom. I want to run away. I dont when I see her shaking her hands as she mouths, "it's okay."

The door begins to get shaken again.

"It's me, Joel," I call out impulsively, speaking my name, as though I was reluctant it was mine. The noise stops again.

I walk back to the door and lick my lips, "I... I need to tell you something."

"So you locked me in?" Joel speaks from inside his bedroom. He doesn't sound mad when he says it, but the sigh at the end of his disappointed sounding words make me feel like I'm insane.

"I can't-" I choke, "can't look at you. If I do, I won't be able to say it."

He doesn't respond.

I sniffle as I feel my tears begin to rush down my face, "but I have to tell you this. I have to-" I gulp, "I have to just say it."

Still, I get no response.

I let out a breath and clench my fists. Quick and clean, quick and clean, come on, you can do this. I blurt, "I'm pregnant."

Then I stand there. I stand there and stare at the blocked door.

Nothing though. I get nothing in response.

I begin to think maybe I spoke too softly. I internally curse and suck in a deep breath, "I said I'm pr-"

"I heard you the first time."

I clench my jaw.

"Asshole," I hear Ellie grunt faintly. I turn over my shoulder and I see her eyeing the door from her spot in the stairs dirtily.

I lick my lips, thinking of what to say next. I don't. I don't know what else to say.

"How... ... are you sure?"

I feel like I've just been spat on. I scoff as I turn back to the door. I wipe my nose, "I'm not, actually," I chew at my lower lip, "I've never been regular, so I... I my symptoms could just really be me being miserable over.... over..." I don't finish my train of thoughts.

"You still can't eat well?"

I chuckle bitterly, "no."

I hear him curse under his breath.

Dread begins to eat me up.

"I'm sorry, Joel. I know you-- I know how you feel. And I don't expect anything from you cause I know... how you feel," I lick my lips, "and maybe I'm wrong. Maybe," I clutch my stomach, "things will still change.

"You wanna know why Sam's really hard on you? Well, last time I liked someone this much, he was really excited for me. He was really excited. But then he turned out to be a jerk, and... he got me pregnant too," I sniffle, "and I didn't know then either," I let out a breath, "I didn't know until my brothers woke me up after I bled so much in my sleep and... and... I thought I was on my period... but it was too much blood and... and..." I shut myself up and bite my lip until I tasted iron.

I hear Ellie call out my name. I turn to her, finding she was already standing beside me, and chuckle through tears as she moves in to give me a hug.

I press my lips into a thin line as I embrace her and attempt to calm myself, "and... maybe that'll happen again."

Ellie calls out my name when I say this.

I chuckle bitterly yet again, "or... Or you know, maybe I really just don't like the food I've been eating."

He calls out my name.

It makes me pull away from Ellie and feel the need to flee.

And this time I do. I give Ellie a smile and silently get out of the house as fast as I can.

When the door finally does open, Joel is caught off guard by Ellie's attacks. She punches and shoves Joel back up until he is able to grab her arms and prevent her from charging. She hisses angrily as she thrashes out of Joel's grip, "WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY ANYTHING, YOU COWARD? WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL HER YOU'RE A PATHETIC YELLOWBELLY? WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY ANYTHING?!"

Ellie fumes and only stills when she see's Joel's distraught expression. His face was hard, his eyes were glazed, his breath was shallow. He looked miserable. Good.

Ellie almost feels bad for him, but she doesn't, "go after her, you idiot. Tell her how you really feel before you make things worse."

"I can't-"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T!" Ellie snaps, "SHE TOLD ME COULDN'T EITHER BUT SHE CAME HERE AND TALKED TO YOU ANYWAY."

"I-" Joel releases her, "I don't deserve..."

Ellie watches Joel as his knees buckle and as he falls to the floor. He sinks his face in his hands and roughly rubs his eyes on his calloused palms. He chokes on a sob.

Ellie scoffs, "deserve? You know what you deserve? You deserve to suffer for being stupid, but she-" she points, "she doesn't deserve to believe that you don't want her when you clearly do."

"Ellie, I-" Joel looks up at the girl, "I... don't know how to do this anymore."

"Well, you can start by apologizing! By being there for her," she quips, "now go," she kicks him, "get out of here and don't you dare come back until you've made amends."

Joel looks at the child.

"GO!"

❄❄❄❄🦆❄❄❄❄

Dean snarls when he sees Joel's pathetic expression. He clenches his jaw and looks down on him, "she's not here."

Joel shoves his boot between the door before Dean can close it shut.

"Please," he says rather desperately, "just a few moments s'all I need."

Dean flares, ripping the door open. He grabs Joel by the collar and begins shoving him back, "did she fucking tell you?"

Joel moves back as he is charged by the larger, leaner, and younger furious man, unable to do much else against his strength, not really having much fight in him to be honest.

"Answer me!" Dean barks.

"She told me," Joel mutters.

"And what exactly did she tell you?!"

"That she's pregnant."

Dean sucks in a breath and shoves Joel back. He nearly falls on his ass, but manages to stay up.

Joel watches the man wipe his face and kick snow around.

"She thinks I don't know," Dean points, "but I caught her. I caught her when you two had a fall out. And I caught her puking her guts out while she cried over you."

Joel shudders, breath condensing in front of him.

"It took her telling you this to get you to man up and face yourself," Dean paces around and clenches his fist, "you disgust me-" he huffs through his nostrils, steam coming out, "her kid doesn't deserve a pathetic shell of a man as a father," he licks his lip, "don't you agree?"

Joel feels that come at him like a kick to the teeth, a punch in the gut. He is rendered still and silent. A million different things run through his head. Not long after, he is actually does get punched in the gut.

Dean tackles him to the ground, pressing his hands on Joel's throat. His eyes are wild and his grip is deadly, "you're not even going to spew some bullshit to pacify me, you absolute dipshit?!"

Joel grips Dean's wrists as the Winchester chokes the life out of him. In his rage and offence of the fact he wasn't even being fought back, Dean pulls away from him and begins bashing his face in. He gets to beat him twice before he's being pried off.

"WHAT THE FUCK, DEAN!" I scream as Sam rips him away while he wrangles out of his clutch.

"LET ME GO, SAM!" Dean shouts.

Sam locks his arms around Dean's flailing ones as he mutters, "COOL IT, DEAN!"

I drop down next to Joel as I help him sit up.

I hear Joel's pained mewls. I hear his soft voice mutter through it, "I'm sorry."

I whine as I look at his battered face as I help him get up, "Joel-"

"LET ME GO, YOU IDJIT!" Dean shouts even louder.

Sam manages to over power him and shouts, "GET HIM INSIDE, NOW."

"LIKE FUCKING HELL- GET AWAY FROM HIM- DON'T YOU DARE-"

❄❄❄❄🦆❄❄❄❄

"I'm sorry about Dean," I mutter as I place a ice pack on Joel's face.

I sit down next to him on the couch as he takes the pack from me. Joel makes a sound before he says, "don't be."

"He could have killed you," I snap, shaking my head, "he was close. You're lucky Sam came with me here to get some pillows."

Joel looks at me for a long moment, saying absolutely nothing. I turn away from him when he calls my name. I look my my laps and clench my hands.

"Look," I huff, "I know you're here because you're shaken by what I told you earlier. But it's okay-"

"It's not okay," Joel straightens up, pulling the pack away, placing it on the couch.

"No, Joel," I turn back to him, "you were right. It was unfair of me to expect more from you when you told me from the start you could only give me so much."

He says my name again and I can't stand it. I get off the cushion and look down at him. I regret it when I see the looks of his battered face and his damp cheeks. I suck in a breath, "if..." I say carefully, "I manage to take this pregnancy to full term, you'll always have a part in our baby's life. -"

Our baby's life.

"- Always. But please don't come to me telling me shit you don't mean because you feel like you have to now, Joel."

"I lied to you," he blurts.

I gulp a lump in my throat.

He grabs my hand, "when I said I didn't want you... I meant I didn't want you because I was scared."

"Scared of what?" I pull my hand away.

"Of slipping. I was slipping-- I am," he mutters, "you said it yourself, I'm an old man."

"Joel, be for"

"No, I'm not what I used to be."

I purse my lips.

"I'm not what I used to be," he repeats as he stands, placing his hands on my shoulders. He shakes his head and brings his hands up my body. They're shaky when they land on my face.

Joel's tears continue to wet his face, "if you only knew, honey... gosh, if you only knew," he wipes my own wet cheeks, "I'd lock you in my room and never let you out. I'd cuff you to my bed and never let you leave."

I knit my brows deeply at his words.

"I'd build you a house," he mutters like a secret. He pushes my hair back, "two floors, front yard with a garden, backyard with a pool, picket fence, pine tree."

I pull my head back. My face contorts.

"I'd've been the one to help you climb that mountain, you know, thrown you over my shoulder, egg you on for getting tired so quickly," he sniffles, "used to be like that."

"Joel..."

"And i used to carry her in my arms," he cuts, "...Sarah."

My breath hitches. I place my hands on his.

"I used to throw her in the air and spin her around," Joel sighs, "build her a tree house, build her a playground, then play with her. Just thinking about it now leaves me winded."

I shake my head, stepping towards him, "you don't have to do any of that. You don't need to. I didn't expect you to."

"No," he disagrees, "that's what you should expect," he blurts, "that's what I would have given you... that's what I would've-- what you should get."

I push his hands off me and sigh. I grab the ice pack that he left on the couch and put it on the side of his bruised face.

Joel watches me as I do this and presses his hands on mine before I pull away. "I'm sorry."

I still.

"I'm sorry it ended up this way. I'm sorry I hurt you first before I told you the truth. I thought it would be easier that way."

I chew on my lip and shake my head. I sigh and speak softly, "can you hold me, Joel?"

Joel doesn't hesitate. Hpulls me in. He pulls me into his arms.

And I missed him. I missed him so bad. Being in his arms made me realize I missed him even after he ripped my heart out. I miss him still. I want him so bad.

But my heart was still bleeding; it was still broken, so I only stayed for so long before pushing him away.

Joel watches me. He licks his lips.

I smile at him, "thank you for telling me the truth, Joel," I step away from him, "you shouldn't stay here long though. You should go out back and try not to show yourself to my brothers."

I motion my head to the side as I lead the way. Joel looks at me for a prolonged moment before following. I turn away from him and even my breath, unwilling to cry any further, not in front of him. I rub my arms as I stand in front of the door, thinking of something to say. When I do think of something, I open the door, "I can't take you back."

Joel stops.

I turn to him, eyes watering all over again, "at least... not now. Not so quickly."

He pulls the pack away from his face and opens his mouth. He says nothing for a moment, then he sighs, "I understand."

I step towards him and place the ice pack back on his face. I pull away, rub my eyes and ten step back, turning to the door, waiting fo him to pass.

Joel turns to his feet before walking out.

[florenceisfalling]

this is a hard question to quantify, but im going to try anyway

consider any time in your childhood/teen/young adult years you spent doing things like

making your friends' parents trust you so that you could lie to them about serious situations

researching kids' rights, runaway hotlines, emancipation, etc

packing your friends extra food at school

helping friends hide binders, bras, clothes, medications or pride items

third-wheeling so your friends could go on a date non-suspiciously

advocating to prevent your friends being put in wilderness programs/psychiatric institutions/religious camps/unwanted therapy

helping your friends pack a "go bag"

purchasing items/researching things/meeting at weird locations for your friends to avoid any trace or tracking their parents have

coaching your friends through how to talk to their parents, coming up with lies for them or helping them understand how to appeal to adults

operating as a safe communication line between a runaway and their family

letting a friend sleep at your house to avoid their family

taking a friend to the doctor behind their parents' backs

any other steps taken for their safety, including contacting authorities on their behalf

not including any time you did these things for yourself, only when you did them for friends, and disregarding whether their parents were usually good or not,

if any of my polls get spread around id like it to be this one lol

[bleachbleachbleach]

Saw your reblog on tragic unrequited platonic love and technically, that trope definitely applies to the betrayed trio, especially on Hinamori’s end (depends on whether or not you subscribe to the view that she was crushing on Aizen). The way I saw it in my initial viewing of bleach, it was more of the type of intense admiration for an authority figure that can be misconstrued as a crush cuz you (the devotee) lack the ways to properly articulate it. Like how u feel abt the rlly cool English teacher u sometimes eat lunch with before they get arrested for like fraud or something. After experiencing the Horrors, of course Kira and Hinamori are going to imprint hard on the first semblance of stability and symbol of safety at the time. So that what they went thru meant something. Also, let me take this moment to briefly gush abt the headcanon u presented in the B3 fic cinematic universe abt hinamori’s fixating on squad 5 because it offers her the knowledge beyond her town that she’s lowkey seeking + the values she wants to strive towards (source: from afar). These nerds just wanted to be mentored so badddd!! Thus, the reveal of the fact that they were only a means to an end, specifically chosen on where they fall on the “easy to manipulate” scale hits HARDER. All that devotion?? Loss of work life balance and for WHATTT? Extended medical leave ? 😭 oh bleach my fave workplace sitcom AND workplace drama u will always be famous

PS: thank u for tagging me in that post!! In the process of drafting my response. It was so lovely of you.

You're right! That totally works here. It's interesting because (and I'll just focus on Hinamori here, because otherwise I'd feel compelled to honor the distinctions between her and Aizen vs. Kira and Ichimaru and Hisagi and Tousen, and this would probably end up reading very convolutedly) I think it kind of asks a question about when the platonic pining would have happened.

Is the pining part of suddenly realizing the disjuncture between what Hinamori thought something was and what Aizen did, and mourning something lost (and something that never really was)?

Or was there also pining when things were Good? We see Aizen be reassuring to Hinamori and generous with his time, etc. and we see Hinamori happy to receive from him, and quite devoted both to her VCship as well as to Aizen on a person level (or as he put it, "as a man" lol). We know she's well-respected by her division, and esteemed by her colleagues (okay, Kira and Hitsugaya may have some bias in this arena, but they both describe her as highly skilled).

But was she needed? Was she doing, and did she get the opportunity to do, things that Aizen couldn't do better? Did she have opportunities to express things that Aizen found interesting or outside of his expertise? Even as they are not equals--and there is no expectation that they should be--in the most fruitful mentorships, both parties have things to teach and learn.

Did Hinamori ever look at other Captain/VC relationships and yearn for pieces of what those looked like to her? Nanao would probably say "god i hope not" because Kyouraku's "reliance" on her often takes the shape of her having to do all the busywork and also herd cats, but in spite of this there's an intimacy there, an openness or trust, that Hinamori might yearn for. And that's taking Kyouraku--shadowy and full of many surfaces himself--into account. Hitsugaya and Matsumoto also have something that both Hitsugaya and Matsumoto probably complain about to Hinamori, but there's a degree of mutualism and collaboration to whatever's going on at the 10th that Hinamori might not mind a taste of, too. Renji has been Byakuya's VC for a month but Hinamori has probably already thought to herself "Kuchiki-taichou let him do WHAT" at least twice. Even though Byakuya is Byakuya, judging by how they handled their "meeting Ichigo in the street" mission, it seems like Byakuya lets Renji have his little projects. Like Renji is part of his investment portfolio and Byakuya feels very comfortable considering Renji a volatile but potentially valuable property and in order to get that ROI you need to stick with him through several honorless tech startup busts and commit long-term to the thing. Er, but I digress. My point is, Renji gets projects. "Develop training menu." Creative opportunity! With a result that has Renji all over it.

Does Hinamori get projects? Does it ever feel like she's pushing the envelope of what the 5th can be and how it can function on her own, without it being something Aizen already predicted the outcome of, or was actually his idea that he let her propose and take nominal ownership of anyway? Despite being completely blindsided by the actuality of Aizen, was there already that sense of inevitability/Aizen all over everything that happens at the 5th? (Competing, of course, with Hinamori's self-concept as a creative person; and her love of Aizen as a person, not just as a boss and mentor; and feeling as though she just needs to excel more and be creative better and she'll eventually meet this need she feels--it's not the environment that's the issue. She's happy here. Mostly. She doesn't need to leave, she simply needs to surpass--)

[proshipcallblog]

Welcome to the proship call blog!

This blog is designated to find fellow proshippers and make friends!

Rules and Info

-> Please specify if you are a minor or an adult. This is purely out of safety precautions and comfort of others.

-> Please add your way of getting in contact (messaging, likes or reblogs on the call, discord usernames, etc.)

-> If you'd like, you may add specific fandoms or interests (and also if you'd like for me to add the fandom tag as the default is without the fandom tag to avoid antis)

-> We will promote discord servers or blogs if I am told about their existence but I am usually not aware of them if I'm not told lol

-> You may send multiple calls or a repeat call after a week since your other post. This is purely out of convinience for others on this blog.

-> If you don't see your call after a while (wait 2 days atleast) feel free to shoot a message as I may have not gotten it but alot of the time I'm a little busy.

-> Please be respectful in your calls or replys, this should be a known.

-> This blog has no DNI and everyone is allowed here. However, please do keep in mind that this blogs target audience is for proshippers who want to talk to other proshippers.

-> Also keep in mind that we are allowed to delete calls or asks we don't wish to post (for my comfort or for the comfort of others).

-> This blog is run by one person who sometimes uses we but is just one person (Mod Stella). Mod Stella also has short-term memory loss so we might forget something! We do apologize for any future mishaps.

[blakbonnet]

AUTHOR OF THE WEEK: @saltpepperbeard

The second featured author of this week is the lovely, loquacious, and truly the best bestie anyone could have: Jodi ♥️ I don't know how she does it but Jodi's fics are fast becoming my most comfortable corner of ao3 to be in because she just has such a way with words, and I do think we should all let her write s3 😌 I also annoyed her into answering some questions for me and sharing her writing process:

What's your writing process like? Do you start with the beginning or the end? Do you write in order or as the scenes come to you?

So I *used* to write sequentially, ie from beginning to end, but the process has gotten more and more chaotic over the years—unhinged, one might say lol! Now, I typically start things off by drafting sections of a story, which ends up being a lot of dialogue more often than not. Like, there are *definitely* some wips in my drafts right now that are almost 100% Stede and Ed talking and nothing else lol (which I mean...staying true to their characters there if you ask me)! Then, if a bit of good description comes to me, I'll pencil that somewhere into the draft, too. And only *then* lol, if things are feeling right and the motivation is feeling high, will I actually attempt to write in sequential order—essentially just playing "fill in the blanks" and writing towards things I've drafted to mix everything all together!

...But sometimes my brain does still fast-forward and write future sections if the good ol' "shower/going to bed daydreams" strike. So it really just depends lol!

My 2014 writing brain, in Ed's voice: You are improving though! Kinda.

Favourite trope or headcanon you like to explore while writing?

...Squints at my tags on AO3 lol. If you see that almost *all* of my stories are hurt/comfort, no you don't <3. I just absolutely adore taking all the hurt Ed and Stede have gone through and soothing it with cuddles, kisses, and soft reassurances. Because man, *man,* have they both been through a lot. It's like Pandora's Box lol; once you start digging into the true depths of their hurt, you just end up with more and more and MORE. There's just so much that they both need and *deserve* to talk through as a crew—or talk through as a "two," as some have said lol, so I adore exploring that. I adore allowing them to have that space and that safety. *Particularly* with Ed getting to unpack things he faced in the earlier parts of Season 2, and with Stede getting to unpack...*anything.*

Also, because I write entirely in-universe, I'm a big fan of implementing some of the common, lovely headcanons. Ie, the crew coming to visit, the two of them maintaining a garden, the British never finding them, etc etc. I know not all of my published works reflect those, but a lot of my drafts do, promise lol!

Whose voice is easier to write - Ed or Stede? Why?

I *still* feel like I'm trying to nail down that ✨ kiwi cadence,✨ not going to lie lol! But, in sitting with this question and sort of going back and forth on it for a while, I think I'm ultimately going to have to land on Stede in most instances. Maybe because I'm one of the ✨ Stede-coded Girlies (gn)✨ , or maybe because I adore Ed so much and subsequently find it easier to gush over him narratively lol! But yeah.

Strangely enough though, I will say I find it easier to write Ed's voice when he's dealing with hurt, vs writing Stede's voice when he's dealing with hurt. I think that's because Ed is more open with his pain, and deals with it in more candid ways, whereas Stede likes to bottle things up and hide. So, it's subsequently harder to crack him open and let out everything that has backed up.

Your personal favourite thing you've written that you'd like more people to read

-Ed voice- Oooowaaaagggh.

Is coming to the table with two stories cheating? Because, I have two lol! I'm very proud of Scrumptious, and also Lovers of Beauty. The former because it was an idea that had been sitting in my head *forever* and I'm so happy it finally got realized, and the latter because it was my first go at writing other characters as well as an exploration of a very particular vein of Ed's hurt. Can't go wrong with Horny Stede and Ed in a dress either, I'd say lol!

What is the one word that you think you use a lot?

Lmao: INTERTWINED. I feel like it's shown up in almost every single story I've written post-season 2, if not *every* single story. I'm just a big fan of throwing their canon quotes in my narration, with the "breathing the same air" and "love letter" speeches getting the most mileage. OH and also Stede's mermaid speech, too; "I'm here. I'm here. You're safe" assuredly gets thrown into the mix as well lol.

Also uhhhh, on a sillier note, I'd definitely say that the good' ol "fuck" gets a lot of usage lol! Ed and I 🤝 enhancing many a sentence with it.

Do you have a beta reader? Have they made you a better writer?

I do not! We die like the Badmintons.

I instead rely on myself for the long and tedious part of my process I call "combing." Ie, going over my last draft with a fine tooth comb to catch typos or any other silliness to the best of my ability.

Would I benefit from a beta reader? Probably, yes. Would I spook from having a beta reader? Probably, yes PFFF. So, combing it is!

Why OFMD 🥹

God, this show. GOD, this show. I just take such a deep and personal comfort in it for so many reasons. I think the two things that snagged me initially were: getting to see queer people just *being,* and getting to see *older* people finding love. The way that this show portrays us in such a natural, lovely light is so, so refreshing. It's like how Taika has often talked about it; there's no triumphant "coming out" type moment, there's no sensationalizing anything, and there's no spotlight on the queerness. It just...*is.* Everyone just loves whoever the hell they want, and there's no questioning or even discussing the implications of that. And I adore that. I adore the *freedom* of that. It just makes the show feel all the more personable and cozier, too.

Also, man, to see older queer people finding love...I'm going to be vulnerable on main here; I don't have a lot of relationship experience, and I'm nearing my 30's. Western Society/Culture puts this *huge* pressure on people to find the love of their life and have it all figured out by their low/mid 20's, so not fitting that norm has been quite the gut stab for me. And yes yes, I know, it's all entirely fabricated and no one has the same timeline, but it still aches to see, particularly when a lot of media portrays love within that age group, if not *younger.*

So, to see these two men nearing *50* finally finding each other after a life of emptiness and pain? To see them finally finding the person who understands them better than anyone else? And to subsequently get the comfort that somewhere, sometime, you'll cross paths with someone who just *gets* you? Ooooagh.

I think that plays into another part of the show that I adore, too. Ie, the theme that "things are going to be okay." That, no matter how dark and dreary things may seem in the moment, you could still have your mermaid moment, and subsequently end up in a cozy little inn with the love of your life. That there's so much kindness and hope and *love* awaiting you.

It's just so comforting on so many levels and I adore it with all my heart. It's a shame that CERTAIN execs and people equivalent will never be able to understand the depth and the importance; they're entirely, truly missing out.

Please head over to @ofmdlovelyletters (who also made the header) and send your love to all your favourite authors (and authors of the week 😈 watch that blog for some special letters coming your way)