#<< prev tags you're only speaking facts

[cheerioskid]

the lonely little sun :,)

this is a little skyblings comic i made for the moonrise au by @germworms and i!! more details below vv

some general context if you're not familiar with the au: basically it's a life series/hermitcraft au about gods and humans and kingdoms and all that cool stuff :) pearl and grian are the current moon and sun gods respectively (their predecessors are joel and lizzie but there are other posts for their lore)

now onto the comic vv

a big concern of grians is becoming too overwhelmed with his position as sun god as that can cause a supernova and subsequently the destruction of the entire system soooo

all throughout childhood pearl has made it clear to him that she's always available to talk to and as a way of looking out for him she often (not maliciously) speaks on his behalf and allows him to be a recluse basically (she just really cares for him as they're both the only close family they really have; jimmys like a distant cousin in this au lmao)

when they were kids and coming to terms w the fact that they're literal gods w responsibilities pearl would try to tell grian the story of joel (prev sun god) and his fate in a very roundabout way as to not scare him but warn him about the pressures of his future position and encourage him to be open with her

(also ik stars are technically scott's thing in the au but the sun is also a star?? sooo it makes sense when in reference to grian/joel)

the dialogue is taken from shane koyczan's piece "for instance" i highly recommend checking it out!! all of his poetry is insane and heart wrenching

check out the moonrise au tag and Sea's profile for more posts and lore!!!

[gremlin-girly]

Flufftober 23

Prompt: comfort Food

Pairing: Wanda x Reader

Warnings/tags: FLUFF, very bad jokes, very, very bad cooking on reader's part, gagging, pet name/term of endearment (Honey)

Summary: Wanda is feeling homesick and you make an attempt to cheer her up. Word count: 1k

A/N: sorry sorry - I had a job interview Thursday morning so I've been prepping for it. And then i realised i skipped an ENTIRE prompt by accident 💀😭 Anywho - enjoy ! - Love, Grem x

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If anyone had asked you why you were attempting to cook paprikash at 2am in the compound kitchen, you didn't know how you'd respond.

If the kitchen survived your cooking, that is.

You'd only managed to set one dish rag on fire so far (and begged FRIDAY not to sound the fire alarm) as well as burning your peppers. Because making your own paprika was 'so easy' according to Sokovia4eva29 on Reddit. It was not.

However, you knew it'd be worth it to see Wanda smile.

That's what kept you going past midnight. You wanted to surprise her with a taste of home. She'd been sullen and homesick all week and you could no longer stand to see her so sad and withdrawn. You'd browsed Pinterest, blogs and Reddit until finding a recipe you deemed worthy of following.

However, 3 hours into cooking, you realised you must have gone wrong somewhere because the paprikash you had made was foul. There was too much salt and you didn't know how to fix it. Three hours of work and prep wasted.

You didn't want to even think about the waste of money or food.

You could cry. You really could. You try it again just to make sure it's as disgusting as you think it is, and it turns out you were correct on you first assumption and gag into the sink. You run the cold water and watch it swirl in the drain. How could you have messed it up so colossally?

"Y/N?"

You jump ten feet in the air at the voice behind you and you're about to call for FRIDAY until you realise it's Wanda. She's stood in her pyjamas, weary-eyed and an empty glass in her hand.

"Oh, hey Wands," You say, trying to be nonchalant at her sudden appearance. "Coming to look for microchips for Vis?"

She gives you a wry smile but doesn't laugh, she only wiggles her glass. "Just water."

You kick yourself internally and move aside to let her fill her glass. "Sorry," You grumble. "That was a stupid joke."

"It was. But don't worry about it." She waves a hand dismissively, turning the faucet off and sipping at her cold water. Then her nose scrunches and her brows furrow as she tries to place the aroma of whatever abomination you had cooked. "What's that smell?"

"Ah," You say, trying to hide your embarrassment. "That would be my..." your brain falters. You definitely would not call what you made food. You don't think it would count as edible. "Biohazard."

"Your biohazard?" Wanda cracks a smile. "What do you mean?"

You can feel your cheeks grow warm at her smile and you smile back, awkwardly shifting on your feet. "Well, I tried cooking."

"Cooking?"

"Yeah."

"Cooking what?"

"...paprikash." You say quietly with a small shrug.

Wanda's face brightens immediately and your heart flips. But your stomach drops when she asks to try it.

"That's not a good idea, Wands." Your voice is slightly pleading, your eyes silently begging her not to try it. You're terrified she'll keel over, not even considering the fact she'd never speak to you again for committing such an atrocity that is supposed to be her national dish.

"Please? I'm sure it'll be fine." She bats her eyelashes at you, and you know you can't win. You sigh and grab a spoonful of the poor paprikash imitation and hand it to her.

"Don't say I didn't warn you." You say, watching as she blows on the spoon gently before popping it into her mouth.

"It's... mm.." You can tell by the look on her face she's trying to find something good about the dubious food you've summoned in the saucepan. Nothing about what you have made is remotely natural. Or delicious. "It's good."

"Don't humour me." You immediately retort, grinning madly. "It's disgusting."

"It's not - ugh-" Wanda gags and gives you an apologetic look. "Sorry. Yes. Yes it is. How did you manage to make it so bad?"

"I don't know!" You throw your hands to your head looking distraught. "I followed the recipe to the t."

"Can I see it?"

You nod, handing her your phone with the recipe open on the browser. Wanda takes a moment to scan the recipe, nodding along in approval before frowning.

"How much salt did you use?" Her lips twitch and you very shrewdly say you followed the recipe instructions.

"And how much was that?" She probes again, smiling a little more. The dawning realisation that you may have measured the unit of salt wrong is finally sinking in, and you look at her wide eyed, biting your lip.

"A... a tablespoon." You murmur quietly. Wanda bursts into a fit of giggles.

"A tablespoon?" She guffaws. "Honey, no - it says teaspoon." She turns the phone towards you, her finger pointing at three little letters that clearly say tsp. In your tired haze you must have misread it but that doesn't halt your embarrassment.

"Teaspoon..." You say airily and nod at her. "That... makes a lot more sense than tablespoon."

Wanda grins at you, not even trying to hide her amusement. "It does. Why were you making paprikash at 2am anyway? You could have asked me to help you at a reasonable hour tomorrow?"

Wanda tilts her head at you curiously, watching you fidget under her gaze.

"I - uh - well," You clear your throat. "I wanted it to be a surprise."

"A surprise?"

"Yeah. For you," You give her a sheepish smile and she looks surprised for a moment before breaking into another sweet smile. "I know you've been feeling homesick recently and I wanted to cheer you up." You cast a glance at the saucepan and grimace. "I'm sorry it's... well, just plain awful."

Wanda chuckles again and her eyes are a little brighter than they've been all week. "It was still a nice surprise so thank you anyway."

"You think so?" You say, your heart leaping to attention.

Wanda nods. "I do. Even if it's the worst paprikash ever made." She grins over at you again, and you swear you could melt on the spot. "I can probably fix it. How about we do that tomorrow?"

"Really? I'd love that." You beam excitedly at her. "And I promise not to ruin paprikash ever again."

"I'll hold you to that." Wanda's eyes twinkle from behind her glass as she takes one final sip. "Goodnight Y/N. See you tomorrow."

"Night, Wands." You give her a small wave goodbye, practically buzzing with excitement for tomorrow. Maybe cooking isn't as bad as you thought after all.

[quitealotofsodapop]

Wukong, getting tackled by his cubs: Oh thank goodness all of your are okay!

Tang: M-m-monkey King!? MK, you're mom is-

Wukong: Ah, speaking... MK?

MK, suddenly nervous: Yes?

Wukong: You... are on so much trouble. It's totally grounded for like... 100 years type stuff there.

MK: Aw man!

Wukong does not actually ground MK for 100 years, but he is not allowed to go to the city for the next 2 weeks unless it's to work and back. Mei offers to take over "Monkey Kid Duty" for the duration, and Wukong never outright banned MK from having his friends over, quite the opposite, in fact! He's working with Pigsy to make sure it doesn't conflict with his schedule when setting up training sessions

Prev post.

+a similar short anon;

Yeah MK is so grounded for lying to his mom about his true reason for going to the mainland + becoming a sueprhero in the process.

I love Wukong's gut reaction is "100 years grounded!" because its such a him thing to do.

Wukong: "I'm serious MK! I've been grounded for 500 years before! Don't think you can't be too!" MK: "Isn't that how you ended up with me??" Wukong: "Ugh true. Two weeks of no video games or arcade then." MK: "Aww man!"

I love the thought of Mei being on board to "chaperone" MK for the two weeks he's grounded so he doesn't wander off into an arcade or end up in a kaiju battle. Mei constantly updates Wukong via their phones about what MK is doing/when he signs off work. She acts like it's a super-secret spy mission.

Pigsy is little shaken by the news that his fave employee is a monkey demigod, but then again he was quick to encourage/guide MK when he became a hero so this is only an extra dose of weirdness for him. He also argues for MK's merit as an employee, lazy or not, he's the best one Pigsy's ever had. Wukong is actually delighted to learn that MK was legitimately working during his time in the city, and agrees that he can continue working at the restaurant as long as it doesn't get in the way of training or world-ending catatrophes.

Ironically, this means that the event of "Sweet N Sour Pork" occurs mid-grounding, and Wukong decides to legitimately show up to the Food Wars (despite his extreme stage fright) to make sure MK is ok. Also due to the Gold and Silver Twins basically being MK's cousins (the Vixen had long ago considered Macaque one of her cubs), their motivations for the Food Wars is a lot different. They want MK to stop focusing on Pigsy's so that he can continue searching for Macaque and not have to worry about "mortal stuff". It ofc fails but the sentiment is noted.

Wukong is also opened the island to MK's friends and work mates so he can get to know them finally. He's been keeping a bit of a distance because of their connection to the PIlgrims, but now that his cub is working for and trusts them so much well...

The older twins, Rumble and Savage, def follow MK to the city a few times mostly to bother him at work and to observe whats so cool about the mortal city. They quickly discover cheese teas, arcades, McDonalds playplaces, and lazer tag, so they fall in love with city life as well. <3

[nowoyas]

koi no yokan 24: closet door (nishinoya yuu/reader)

First - Prev - Next - M.list - Ao3

A/N: greetings from hell! we are now more or less completely certain that I have sprained my wrist due to the fall down the stairs on Wednesday. this shouldn't affect any update schedules, however, because of the difference in how my brain functions when using the dictation software versus just typing, you may notice a difference in writing quality. I have done my best to keep it at the same quality and the same voice as usual, but there's only so much I can do when I can't type. Even so, I hope you enjoy!

Summary: The final days before prelims.

Warnings and tags: emetophobia, references to child neglect, light suicide ideation

Words: ~3800

You do not answer the door.

Not the bell, not the knocks. Not phonecalls or texts.

And Yuu, predictably, is worried.

He'd assumed, when you didn't leave the house this morning, that your night had been about as rough as anticipated, but the radio silence throughout the day is concerning. Concerning enough that, after ringing the doorbell twice and waiting ten minutes, he's about to go get the camping gear from his house and wait you out.

He rings the doorbell a third time. His phone buzzes a moment later.

[name] to Noya at 19:48

[name]: go away

Noya: not until I know you're okay

[name]: im not

He sighs. He's not going to get anywhere like this.

He remembers the spare key and locates it with ease, walks right in as quietly as he can manage. You're not in the living room, so you must be upstairs—he climbs the stairs, winds down the hall to your room, where the door is shut but not locked. He cracks it just a bit, then knocks. There's a shuffling from within the room.

"Come on, [name]-san," he says softly through the crack.

You don't reply. He opens the door the rest of the way—your futon is still laid out, and in fact looks freshly vacated, based on the fact that you haven't so much as smoothed out the comforter. You've got no less than four plushies laid up in said futon—he suppresses a smile when he spots the one that had been a get-well-soon gift from Shouyo—but you're nowhere in sight.

[name]: I said go away

[name]: I look awful

[name]: I don't want to be real right now please don't make me

"Are you sick?" he asks out loud, frowning. The text comes back quickly.

[name]: in the head yeah

[name]: did you seriously use the spare key to get in because I didn't wanna talk

He shrugs. "I was worried. Last time you skipped a day you at least came to the door."

[name]: getting punched in the face and telling you about my mom wasn't all that bad. Just exhausting

[name]: I literally want to die right now please just go

His heart cracks at the words. "Yeah, when you put it that way, there's no way I'm doing that."

[name]: senpai

[name]: please

He sits down on your futon, legs crossed. "I'm not leaving until I know you're okay, but I can text Okaa-san and let her know you're not up to dinner tonight."

A muffled fuck! leaves the nearby closet. He huffs and moves to sit with his back against the wall beside the closet door. You must have forgotten.

[name]: see now I just feel bad

"You didn't already feel bad?"

[name]: you know what I mean

[name]: you'll miss dinner for sure if you wait until I feel better

[name]: you're gonna die here at the rate I'm going

He shrugs. "I can miss it. I'll be fine."

"Don't you fucking dare," comes the muffled reply. It's obvious, when you finally speak, that you've been crying. "You have games. Tomorrow. You need to be at your best."

"Oh, she talks!" He smiles. It's progress. "You're still coming tomorrow, right?"

Silence, both from the closet door and his phone. His heart drops.

"[name]-san?"

The closet door creaks a little. "Do you want me to?" you ask quietly.

"I don't think I'll play half as good without you there to watch me," he says honestly. "And I need you there as a good luck charm."

"But do you want me there, because—"

"[name]-san. I want you at dinner with my family, and I want you at the matches tomorrow, and I wanted you at practice today, and I want you at every practice after this, and I want you at every match I ever play."

Silence. You pull the door shut. For a moment, he thinks he's said the wrong thing, but then—

[name]: can you get out for two seconds so I can get dressed

"You're coming to dinner?"

[name]: im actually bisexual

"What?"

[name]: im coming out of the closet

He lets out a startled bark of laughter. "Marry me. Don't even get dressed; I don't mind."

[name]: 875

[name]: I mind

[name]: I PROMISE I'll actually let you back in the room once Im dressed

"Fine, fine." He gets up. Leaves the room. Closes the door behind him. There's a moment of shuffling from within—your footsteps approaching. He thinks you're about to open the door for a moment, and then he hears you fumbling with the lock and jerks it open, careful not to hit you with it. "Oh, no you don't. You promised!"

You don't fight it. You let him push open the door the rest of the way, greet him with your hood pulled firmly over your head and an adorable pout. "Only because I promised," you say quietly.

God, you're in a state. Your eyes are red with tears, face swollen. "Do you wanna talk about what happened?"

"He bought me a late birthday cake. He said he didn't know last month was July."

"That's… good, right?"

"He did it right when things got tense and just left. He walked."

"O…kay?"

"So I immediately had a complete mental breakdown and he came back with cake to find me hyperventilating where he left me because the last time someone went for a walk after a tense conversation they fucking died." You lean into him, slowly bringing your arms up to wrap around his torso. He returns the hold tentatively, resting his chin on top of your head.

"Oh." Ohh. He holds you just a bit tighter as the realization sets in. "I'm so sorry."

"'N then he apologized and we talked about Okaa-san for a while and I thought maybe he might actually listen and be home more, but he hesitated and said he'd try." A sniffle. "And we watched volleyball to distract me, but then he—he—"

Your shoulders shake. He pulls away, guides you to sit with him so he can cradle you just a little bit better. (Now is not the time to think about the fact that you started watching volleyball for comfort. He files it away for later.)

"I can't ever come out to him, Noya," you mumble. "He said he was glad I wasn't playing volleyball because all the women—it was some match between women's teams—looked like lesbians. Like it's a bad thing."

A bunch of potential responses race through his head. Everything from what an asshole to okay, like lesbians aren't hot which he's pretty sure he's slightly more qualified to say than the average guy but probably isn't very useful right now. What comes out feels lame and not nearly enough. "That's messed up."

You nod. "It's like—I don't even know what I want from him. Him not being here makes me feel like shit. And when he's actually here I feel worse. And now I have evidence that he'll never accept me for me, and probably if I did come out he wouldn't get the bisexual thing or pull something about how it's fine if I grow out of it and end up with a man, and—and—" You pause. Buckle in on yourself a little as your stomach growls loud enough for Yuu to hear. "I feel sick."

"Have you eaten today, like, at all?"

You shake your head. "I… I didn't get out of bed until I heard you coming up the stairs."

"[name]-san!" he admonishes. "Alright, that's it. Get everything you need for tomorrow."

"Huh?"

"You're coming to dinner. You're gonna eat."

"But why—"

He tilts his head. "I'm gonna ask you to stay the night, and I don't want you to have any "nos". So you gotta get your stuff together and bring it with you to my place before I ask  so you don't have the "no" that your stuff is all here and you don't want to drop by in the morning."

You let out a soft laugh, melting into him just a touch. "You're gonna casually ask me to stay the night."

"Well, yeah!" He shakes your shoulder playfully. "You're good luck. You proved it at the training camp. Gotta absorb all the luck I can off you! And, y'know, I sleep way better when I'm cuddling someone, and—"

"Okay, okay. Message received, you wanna cuddle. Is Rina-san gonna be okay with that?" You wriggle out of his hold, go hunting for clothes.

"What do you mean? She loves you."

"I think any reasonable parent might raise an eyebrow at a girl sleeping in the same bedroom as her son. I don't exactly have the concussion to use as an excuse anymore."

He shrugs. "If Satsuki can have her girlfriends stay the night, I don't see why you can't. Besides, it doesn't mean anything, right?" He flashes a smile, winks at you.

You roll your eyes. "I don't like your implications, Mister. And yes, strictly platonic."

"As long as you still come along. Come on, give me more reasons to say no so I can get you to admit you wanna sleep with me tonight!"

It might've been on the nose, but at your flustered squawk and the bag suddenly flung at his face, Yuu thinks it was worth it.

Even better yet, you play along—you're clearly still down, but you set up arguments for him to knock down one by one, even as you finish packing and walk with him back to his place. By the end of the night, over video games and bantering with Satsuki, you've given in—you steal the shower, cuddle right up to him with no pretense. His chest swells with pride at the feeling of your head resting on it at the end of the night, and threatens to burst when he catches a whiff of his own body wash on your skin.

Strictly platonic, his ass.

~

You wake up to a commotion on the bus. When you turn around in your seat, leaning over Noya to investigate, you find Hinata leaning into the bus aisle, his head between his knees. 

"What's going on?" you ask.

"Shouyo's not feeling good," Noya says. "Anxiety, apparently."

You furrow your brow. "Is he going to be okay?"

Tanaka pokes his head into the aisle. "He gets like this before matches. Before our first practice match he literally threw up in my lap."

You cringe. That sounds… bad. "Okay, wait—Tanaka-senpai, switch seats with me."

He blinks. "What?"

"You heard me." You grab Noya's shoulder and slide over his lap. He lets out a strangled noise, hands coming up to steady you as you slide right past him into the aisle. The shuffle is quick and, for your part, painless. You slip past Tanaka—Noya moves into the seat you'd had, and Tanaka takes the newly-opened aisle seat so that you can sit across from Hinata. "Hinata, do me a huge favor and hum for me."

He looks up in confusion, but before he can say anything, he slaps a hand over his mouth and drops his face back between his legs. "W-what?" he asks weakly.

"You heard me. You can hum anything, it doesn't matter what, but your body's gag reflex can't actually work if you're humming."

He begins to hum—the sound is tuneless, and you're not sure it comes from any particular song so much as his anxiety. You smile softly and reach out a hand rub small circles into his shoulder blade.

"Okay, that's good. Just keep humming for me no matter what while we wait for Coach Ukai to pull the bus over." You speak quickly and softly, but for the last part, you raise your voice insistently so that you're heard. The sharp look you flash in the rear view mirror catches Coach Ukai's eye, and you think he nods in reply. Good.

"I can't believe you're getting nervous like this again," Tsukishima says. "You know, if you didn't gorge yourself like you were talking about this morning, you might not have made yourself sick—"

You don't look up when you speak. "Tsukishima."

The anxious buzz of the other guys falls quiet.

"Do you think you're helping right now?"

Silence.

"Exactly. Not the time. So shut up."

There are a few stifled laughs, but you don't care about those right now. Your focus is on Hinata. It seems to be anxiety, rather than panic—that's good. You have better techniques for anxiety attacks than panic attacks anyway.

"Okay, Hinata, I'm going to ask you to do something for me, but you can't stop humming, okay?"

He nods shakily.

"So what I need from you right now is to just look around, and I want you to focus on picking out five things that you can see, okay?"

He nods, and as he continues to hum the same random notes, he picks up his head to look around.

"When you're done, you can just nod at me to let me know, okay?"

You watch his eyes settle on distinct points—first to you, then to Tanaka in the row beside you. Then to the roof of the bus, then to a sulking Tsukishima a few rows back, and finally, to his own shaking hands in his lap. When he's done, he looks at you again and nods.

"Good. You're doing great. Now, I want you to find four things that you can touch right now. Can you do that for me? When you do, I need you to go out of your way to actually touch those things. Focus on how they feel, alright?"

Again you watch him work—he reaches out and brushes fingertips against your arm. Then against the seat of the bus, then against his shorts, and then, after a moment of hesitation, against his own hair. You keep your hand rubbing his back the whole time and nod.

"Tanaka-senpai, can you hand me my bag from the row? Thanks. Keep humming for me, okay, Hinata?"

He nods. He's switched to a random lullaby, and you smile when you recognize the tune.

"Okay, I know this will be hard because you have to keep humming, but try your best for me, okay? I need you to find three things that you can hear for me. It can be any three things, including your own voice, but I want you to take a moment to notice how they sound as you're listening to them."

He tilts his head this way and that, and for just a moment, his humming falters. You force down the surge of panic as you see him lurch a little, but he picks back up with the humming and nods to you when he's picked out his three things.

"Good." You rifle around in your bag for a moment, searching for something. When you find it, you bring it to the top of the bag and open the cap. "Two things you can smell next. You've probably got the one from the bus air, but just in case, I have something to make it easier."

He sniffs at the air a moment, and once he has, you hold out your open bottle of hand lotion—vanilla-scented—for him to smell. Once he's done, you put it away and immediately reach back into your bag for your water bottle. With honestly perfect timing, the bus slows to a stop on the side of the road.

"Almost done, Hinata. We're gonna make our way off the bus first, and then we'll get to that last one."

You walk behind him down the bus aisle. The entire time, your hand doesn't leave his back—you're careful to keep soothing him, to keep him as grounded as you can get him. When the two of you are clear of the bus, you purposely remove your hand from his back and take three very large steps away. "Alright. Stop humming and let it out."

He obeys to the letter—the humming stops, and then he lurches over and begins to throw up. It's loud and gross and smells bad, but at the very least, it's on the side of the road and not on the bus where you'll be trapped with the smell for another forty-five minutes or so. "I'm so sorry," he cries, doubled over with his hands on his knees.

You uncap the water bottle and hand it to him. "None of that. We weren't finished with the grounding exercise. Here's one thing you can taste. I would recommend swishing and spitting to get the stomach acid off of your teeth and the taste out of your mouth a little bit."

Again he obeys, swishing the water in his mouth and spitting with a distasteful look on his face. "Ugh. That was disgusting."

"Does it feel a little better, though?"

"Yes, it does... Thank you…"

"You can keep that water bottle; you'll want to drink the rest of it in slow sips until we get to the tournament. Hydration and all that."

At the mention of the impending matches, he looks a little pale again. You reach out and replace your hand on his back, hoping that the motion will soothe him a little bit. The two of you get back onto the bus and into your seats, where you lean in with a sympathetic look.

"Nerves about the matches, then?"

He nods weakly. "I just—I don't want to mess up today. I don't want to bring everyone down. I just want to stay on the court as long as possible."

"And you're going to. You know that, right? Even if you have one bad day, you've earned a place on the court already. It's not like Coach made you a starter just because he felt bad."

"But…"

"I mean, you're going to be fine. All of you are. Sure, anxiety is a thing and I don't expect you to just stop feeling it, but you should know that all you have to do is everything you've already been doing. And if that's the case, then you don't really have to worry, because you already know you can do it. You've been doing it. So you know you're capable of it. Y'know?"

He looks at you with tears in his eyes. "[surname]-san…"

"In the first place, I've spent the past two months watching you guys play and I'm pretty confident that you're gonna do just fine today. Even if you can't trust yourself, you can trust my judgment, right?"

"Yeah... you're right. You're so nice... seriously."

You shake your head. "I'm not nice. I'm talking about statistics. You know that we keep those, right? And I like to look at them. so I can say with absolute certainty that all of you have been getting more solid in the things that you're trying and that you've been steadily  closing the point gap between you and high-level teams. So you should know that when I say that I'm confident in you doing well today, it isn't based on feelings. It'd be rude not to trust me when I put so much thought into it, right?"

He smiles. An unfamiliar arm reaches from the row in front of you and shoves your shoulder playfully. It's Tanaka. "Man, Noya-san's right. You really are a tsundere. It's okay to say that you like us and trust us to win, you know?"

You bat at his hand with an unimpressed look. "Yeah, when I feel that way, I'll say it. Until then, I'll say what I mean. Thank you for the suggestion, though."

"But man, [surname]-san, you handled that really good." Hinata tilts his head. "How did you know the trick with the humming?"

You laugh and shrug your shoulders. "Had the stomach flu last year and had to ride it out alone. I think I threw up every hour at exactly the hour for like, two days straight or something. I didn't really want to have to clean anything up, so I figured out how to make sure I didn't have to. And you know what? It worked!"

He furrows his brow, giving you a sad look. "You had to go through that alone?"

A nervous laugh, a shrug. "It's not that big a deal. Otoo-san was busy with work, and it's just the two of us, so I didn't really wanna bother him. In any case, I got through it just fine, and if I hadn't had to deal with that, then I wouldn't have had the trick to share with you now. So it worked out! I'm glad for it."

"If you're sure…"

"Anyways, how are you feeling now?"

He smiles. "Better. Thanks."

You spend the rest of the bus ride to the tournament venue talking to Hinata. He seems, for the most part, calmer than before. You'd like to think that you do a pretty good job of keeping his mind off of the anxiety—you manage to ramble engagingly enough about the most recent book that you read, although you don't remember much about it given that you read it before the concussion. By the time you're all getting off the bus at the venue, he seems more or less thoroughly calmed.

You wait for Tsukishima, hands behind your back. When he steps off the bus, you grab at his arm with a tilt of your head. "Sorry for snapping earlier, by the way. I don't mind the way you act the rest of the time, but I was just worried about making sure that everything was sorted out right now. It wasn't personal, you know?"

He shrugs. "It's fine."

On the way in, a pouting Noya falls in step with you. You roll your eyes. "Dare I ask?"

"Nothing."

"Uh-huh. Nothing. Are you jealous? Is that it?"

"Yes," he says. "I'm very jealous. Next time, I'll be the one to get sick on the bus so you can lovingly rub my back for ten minutes."

"You're gonna make yourself sick from nerves?" You roll your eyes. "You? Yeah, sure. I'll believe that for sure. And lovingly? Dude, he was gonna throw up. Physical touch grounds people when they're anxious."

He sighs, draping his arms around you. "Fine. You were really good with Shouyo. I'm proud of you."

"Proud of me?"

"Yeah. You know, the flu thing."

Oh. Yeah. You guess you didn't really get too anxious talking about your family or anything. You shrug. "Thanks, I guess. It didn't feel good."

"But you did a really good job. Marry me?"

You huff and bump your head against his shoulder. "Let me run the numbers... Maybe if you ask another eight hundred and seventy-four times."

"I can do that."

You're starting to worry that he actually can.

Tags: @deeplightgarden @idonthaveanameideayet @dusstory @kazunish

[atxxzist]

broken | c.s (04)

prev // next // series m.list

pairing: choi san x reader

word count: 9.5k

warning: smut! (read at ur own risk)

a/n: have to repost this completely bc the tags would not work on the first post no matter what. if formatting is messed up its bc i lit just copy pasted

you have told yunho that there is no way you're going to waddle into yeosang's presence and beg for his help like a peasant, just because you got a sixty-eight percent on your first exam. that's almost a passing grade.

that you'll just study more and hopefully score better on the next one--or, like any other college students, look it up online for extra help. but he was immensely against it, saying you are not financially secure at the moment to be giving away twenty dollars a month for some subscription.

which, if you're to be honest, you'd rather be living on ramen noodles and water for an entire month to make up for the extra cash than to humiliate yourself like that in front of yeosang.

but yunho being the good boy he always is--genuinely and truly caring for you, he had asked him against your wishes, and to say you were surprised when yunho had told you he said yes, is an understatement.

"i feel pathetic," you voice upon seeing the cafe from a distance.

that's if anything can even be more pathetic than the score you got despite studying days and nights.

maybe if your professor isn't so busy with the other group of students fighting for their grades; his office hours all filled up, you wouldn't be in the current predicament.

"you're overreacting. he's happy to help," yunho assures.

happy to help? as in, sincerely doing this because he wants to? or because he sees it is the perfect opportunity to get under your skin again--like every other time where his words felt like bullets.

even the air of the cafe is already taunting as you both enter.

yeosang is quick to notice the new arrivals, his head shooting up from his book and eyes not landing on yunho but yours. amusement all over them as he occupies a seat far in the back.

"have fun," yunho whispers from beside you, and if he isn't as good-natured as you know him to be, you'd think he's setting you up judging by the tone.

"you're not going to walk me over there?" you snap to him, anxiety in your expression.

he returns a chuckle.

"he's just yeosang, y/n. not a disease or a rabid dog. you're a big girl, i'm sure you can do it."

you scoff and roll your eyes, keeping your gaze trained ahead.

"well, if you're going to drag me into this against my will, shouldn't--"

you turn to where he was originally but he's already gone; the cafe door clinking, only to catch him outside the glass window bidding you a goodbye with a smirk on his lips.

freaking yunho.

usually in cases like this, you embrace your naturally timid nature--whether that's turning your feet back around or acting aloof, but there's something very provoking about kang yeosang.

well, that and the fact that yunho made it blatantly known that you did not do very well, so it'll be even more embarrassing if you have tried putting on such a pretense act.

you accept your fate after all, taking a seat opposite of him that makes one of his eyebrows quirk up.

"are you really going to sit there?" he speaks up

"obviously," you answer dryly, barely able to get one of the straps of your backpack off before he snarks back.

"how am i going to help you pass the class when you're an ocean away from me."

there it is. the yeosang you know. not the one that yunho and mingi always talk so kindly about, swearing he's the offspring of saint mary.

in your head, the desired outcome would be cursing him out since you didn't even ask for any of this, so you don't have to take his shit.

but... there's a more rational part that's echoing its voice and telling you to just hold onto that patience a little longer for a friend who only wants the best for you.

you release a heavy sigh, not bothering to hide your annoyance--you can do that at least.

getting up to migrate, it takes everything in you to keep the composure when a smirk conjures up on him. must be so satisfying to see you so weak and powerless.

your phone is the first to go on the table before you sit down completely next to the window that displays the sight of many students passing by.

your eyes stay on your phone for a second too long before prying away to meet yeosang's obnoxious ones.

"you're going to have to pull up the exam so i can see what questions you missed."

you don't object or make a show, only compliantly pull out your laptop to navigate to the school's site and your classes, opening up the exam the class took online a week ago.

he squints his eyes, leaning in closer so he can get a better view.

you're frozen in the position, trying to not snap a neck or a turn head because he's so close and you don't know why the hell your heart's doing flip at the proximity.

it doesn't help when he stays like that for too long, fingers taking over your laptop to scroll down till the last question.

a nervous gulp travels down your throat, finally relaxing itself when yeosang pulls away, causing a light gush of wind to form, his scent brimming your nose but fades shortly after.

he doesn't smell of anything strong or artificial. you can only assume it's his natural scent, much fitting for a guy like yeosang. he doesn't seem like the kind to impress... unlike san.

a guy like san, he always dresses to impress, always carry a strong, artificial scent that smells expensive, and his hair is always nicely slicked back--probably with some kind of gel or something that he also invested a lot in--

"how do you not know what applications are?" yeosang's voice is the one to bring you back.

"huh?" you're completely out of loop.

"question four. you got it wrong."

"some of the answers were too similar to one another," you defend.

"if you were paying attention or even studied a little, the answer is quite obvious, actually."

you grimace and already, there's a trail of heavy breathing as you try to contain the brewing temper.

"i did study!" you hiss, keeping the volume only loud enough for him to hear.

it's not your fault your professor had worded the answers so stupidly alike to one another. you're pretty sure both microsoft word and something like setup.exe are examples of applications.

if all yeosang's going to do is berate you, you just might break your own code of conduct and offer an apology to yunho later.

he doesn't have much of a reaction, only shake his head and moves the topic along.

"did you bring your textbook?"

you just nod, afraid that if you actually speak, you will say something that will lead to regret later.

"okay. then we'll just go over some of the chapters again."

you still have to offer your perspective, though--not like you're ever going to be right.

"can't we just cover the newer chapters? it's not like i can even retake the exam." you cross your arms.

"yes, but, the final is comprehensive, so it's best if you get a better grasp of the materials now rather than later."

you badly want to roll your eyes, but it's not even worth trying to argue back. he's not getting paid, after all. but gods know why he even agreed in the first place.

before rummaging your backpack for the book, you steal a quick glance at your phone screen that has yet to light up with any new messages, unfortunately.

"code is a series of instructions, and each instruction is an operation--"

a feeling of relief washes over, after managing to finish your first ever interview somewhat normally; the lady offering you a farewell and saying you should be hearing back in a few weeks.

y/n: just got done with the interview :)

san: really?! how did it go?

y/n: okay i think. she said they'll call me back in a few weeks, so there's some hope lol

san: you'll get a call for sure!

y/n: i hope to

san: i'll pick you up 😋

y/n: oh you don't have to. i can take a cab

san: i'm already on my way 😎 we can... celebrate

you don't really know what he means by celebrate, but you're just overjoy to be seeing him again if you're to be really honest that you do in fact want him to pick you up.

ever since thursday, aside from a few flirty texts and reminders of the interview, he didn't really bring up ever doing anything together again. and you're too much of a coward to try initiating anything because then, it'll give away that he's all you've been thinking about.

the conversation in the car is surprisingly casual--all as if he wasn't on top of you with his fingers deep in your pussy a few days ago.

he asks more about the interview and you answer, attempting to reframe from staring at him too much, but it's nearly almost impossible.

he just looks so clean and sharp in his signature hairstyle, that brown zip shirt, and those beach pants as he accelerates in those sneakers.

in the pitched blackness of the evening, even he glows. he's bright and he's tempting, your eyes unable to look away faltering when he catches you in the middle of being starstruck.

he giggles, and it's that melodic sound that pulls you away from the light and back into the dimness of the night.

maybe if you weren't so blinded, you would have realized sooner than later that he brought you to his complex and not the dorms.

"and programs are comprised of millions--are you even listening?"

"what?" you meet yeosang's unamused gaze. "of course i am."

he sighs and flips the book at least two pages back.

"okay, then summarize what i told you just now." he relaxes against the table, one palm on the side of his face and attention burning a hole in your forehead.

"uh--" but a sound from your phone has you turning head to it so fast, it's a miracle your neck is still intact at this point.

but you're only met with disappointment when you see it is not from the one person you are expecting. just a stupid reminder from your phone plan about bills being due soon.

the frown on you doesn't go unnoticed by yeosang, him raising another brows in return when an idea comes along.

"hey!" you protest, at him suddenly snatching your phone and shoving it into the back pocket of his pants.

"i didn't think i'd have to improvised rules, but it seems like i'm gonna have to. rule number one: no phones allowed," he says sternly, and you can only look at him with horrified eyes.

"b-but--"

"--no exception. come on, y/n. this isn't high school. you can play the waiting game with lover boy when you get home."

your expression twists in anger. maybe later, you can just buy yunho a box of his favorite donut flavors and tape an apology note to it.

"this is stupid. i don't even want to be here." you sulk, just like a child throwing a tantrum.

"that makes two of us," he adds on, casually sitting up and going back to the book like nothing. "so if you just work with me, this will be over a lot faster."

but you're still not one-hundred percent convinced.

"why did you even agreed to come? you hate me," you state as if it's a fact.

he chuckles lightly, with you shooting him a daggering glare.

"hate's a pretty strong word."

you shrug.

"well, it's the truth, isn't it?"

there's a quick pause before he speaks again; something in his brain trying to piece together his thoughts.

"to hate is to feel such a passionate, intense dislike for someone. i don't feel that strongly about you... hate or like. so you don't have to worry."

god, he's infuriating. but you almost want to applause him for the attitude; for how he delivered such a line while lacking any kind of emotion.

you stay with him for fifteen to twenty minutes, following along and repeating after him unenthusiastically but at least you're not dozing off.

you get most of the answers right to the questions he'd test you because actually going through the chapters again, you realize how much you have went over the materials it's practically ingrained in your head.

how you managed to fail will remain a mystery.

but you're getting bored and he's going on a really long lecture about a topic you're currently not interested in, and so naturally...

the both of you barely makes it inside his apartment before he swoops you up in a surprise attack, both arms under your butt--and yours, nicely wrapped around his neck as he places you down on one of the kitchen counters.

parting your legs so they can rest at his side, he takes your lips in for a messy kiss; you responding as if your lips were made to take his, though you've only kissed him once--now twice.

his hands grip your thighs with strength, keeping them in the open position they're in while both of yours caress his soft cheeks, using them as a tool to deepen the kiss.

when a guy like san says to celebrate, you can only assume the one thing he's talking about.

he pulls away, breaking the intimate session; both you and him still trying to catch your breaths. he stares at you with hunger, but there's a shine in his eyes that makes him look so innocent at the same time.

"congratulations," he mumbles, settling on a tender smile after. "i knew you could do it."

"thanks, but... she only said she'll call me, i still don't know--"

"--shhh," he shushes you, index finger thumped against your lips. "you're going to get the job, okay?"

your heart flutters at his words, nodding in response.

"good girl," he coos, lifting your chin swiftly to continue where you guys left off. flesh moving on top of flesh and hands all over each other despite your lack of experience of where exactly you should be touching him.

you decide on his shoulders.

it only goes on for another minute until san decides to switch up; a guy like him also unsatisfied in a certain position for too long. he always need something new, sooner or later.

his hot breath trickles down your neck, sinking his teeth in when he finds a spot perfect to mark--show that he did this to you.

he also just loves hearing your moans. pretty and pure moans that makes his cock twitches. his hands find the top of your skirt.

"let's celebrate, princess," he whispers so seductively into one of your ears, you can feel a shiver run through your body.

and though you want him to make you feel so good just like he did last time, it'll be too selfish of you to only take but not give.

"san," you say, putting a cease to his action when you put your hands over his.

he backs off and has a concerned expression on, unsure of what's running through your mind, only watching as you hop off the counter to shrink under him, such a pristine and wholesome look on your face.

'y-you have helped me so much," you mumble but with a sincere tone, probably not fitting for the current scenario. "and... i want to help you in return."

"and how are you going to do that, beautiful?" he fuels the fire, a smirk threatening to break, feeling like he's got you right where he wanted.

your eyes shyly dash down to his pants before moving them back up, a deep blush on your cheeks when he doesn't bother to hide the smirk anymore.

"you want to make me feel good?" he sings, almost in a tone too mellow.

you only nod, refusing to meet his gaze because you're getting flustered, but he laughs a soft endearing chuckle, moving you back by the grip he has on the side of your face, proceeding on the sweet encouragements.

"go ahead, beautiful." he smiles, rubbing small circles on one side of your cheeks.

you gulp. "just to uh... let you know, i've never done this before. it's going to be pretty horrible."

he laughs and shakes his head.

"you're going to do fine, trust me."

now, usually, san likes taking control. he likes being the one in charge; the one who keeps the flow going--whether that's eating a girl out, making her cum with his fingers or fucking her, he likes knowing that they're so weak when under his grasp.

that he can do anything to them and it will be from his own account. he doesn't care much for if they want him to feel good in return. most of them doesn't consider that too much of a thought when they're already near the point of orgasm.

but you... you're so sweet and so obedient just for him, and now you're asking to suck his cock. just knowing he's going to be the first ever cock in your pretty little mouth is already something that makes that sick side of him so smug.

you drop down to your knees, face against the view of his crotch and it takes a moment to process everything; your head all of a sudden trying to recount all events that's happened so far that lead to the current position.

you think about mingi and yunho for a second; how they will feel knowing you kissed a guy you've known for only less than a month, and now about to give your first ever blowjob.

it's crazy.

you start by tugging the top of his pants down, nervous swallowing that can be heard in the quiet space; a sight too fulfulling for someone like san.

the red shade on you darkens once you get it down low enough where you can see his hard cock protruding through the fabric of his boxer. you swallow another gulp.

"slowly, baby. take your time."

a groan escapes him when you free it fully, air hitting his flesh and you never thought you would ever like such a sound, but just now, you realize how much you do.

his decent-sized hard cock staring back; a wave of thoughts hittting you right in the face. how, this is your first time seeing one for yourself, your eyes wide and hanging like the little prude you are.

but temptation trumps any kind of fear or anxiety, one of your hand already around his cock as you sink it inside your mouth, that slight salty taste lingering.

"oh, fuck!" he curses, throwing his head back, one of his hand suddenly latching onto your hair as he indulges in the sensation.

you don't know what the fuck you're doing, but he looks so sexy and it feels so nice to know--

"y/n!" yeosang snaps, taking you out completely from the recap of your first ever blowjob--which, from san's perspective, was probably one hell of a sloppy experience.

"what--yes, i'm here," you attempt, straightening your posture like that's going to make it all better.

"jesus," he exhale, a deep sigh leaving as he slams the textbook shut.

"i was listening, kind of."

he rolls his eyes, the audacity of you to lie in front of his face actually quite triggering.

"sure you were," he says unenthusiastically, tossing your phone onto the table and already grabbing at his bag. "anyways, when you get your head back from the clouds, maybe i might consider taking the time out of my day to help you again."

and he gets up, bag swung over his one of his shoulders and disappearing out the door.

you scoff.

"okay well, he was rude to me, too!" you counter, because it's true. he was.

"he probably was, but good chance it was because you were dozing off and not paying attention in the first place," yunho defend his roommate, who, by now, have told him exactly how it went.

or maybe he didn't. maybe he exaggerated and made you out to be like the biggest bitch on the planet, who knows. you're sure yunho wouldn't have believed it anyways, though he is advocating for his friend pretty hard as of currently.

"i never even asked for his help," you grumble, annoyance seeping into your tone, only to regret it leaving your mouth not even two seconds after.

because yunho was the one who asked him, and he only did it because he cares about you.

"no," you add on, "i didn't mean it like that. just... we don't have the best relationship."

a slight frown overtakes the shape of your lips as you await his response from the other line.

you don't like upsetting yunho, and it's rare to fight--that's to say if you guys ever even fought at all before.

small disagreements, yes. but it never takes too long before one or the other gives in because they feel bad.

mingi on the other hand, is a different story. you would have to really define 'fight' first before you start counting on both of your hands just how many times it's happened.

"don't worry, i understand," he murmurs, voice beginning to chip out. you don't blame him. it's getting late and he must be tired.

"i also hope you don't think i'm scolding you or something. but i think you'll really like him if you give him a chance. that's all i want to say. he went out to wash himself a while ago and might be coming back soon, so i'll talk to you tomorrow."

"goodnight yunho."

"night, y/n. may you have the sweetest dreams only."

you should be used to it by now. that phrase he always tells you right before bedtime; something so yunho and so sweet, but it does always make you giggle every time as well.

the other line goes silent, and you release the phone from your ear, yunho's words still echoing in your head.

you'll really like him if you give him a chance. it's not like you were cruel to him from the start. he was the one to give you the cold shoulder first, and hearing all these good things from your friends make you wonder what is it about you that he has such a dislike for.

you let your head fall back on the pillow, phone screen lighting up your face and a low whine departs, disappointed that it's another day with no signs from san.

you don't expect him to be texting you 24/7 nor do you expect any information about his whereabouts, but you just want something. even just a simple good morning text or a good night.

but the silence from him the past couple of days makes your chest feel just a little heavy, not wanting to think that he's purposely ignoring you, that you're not even worthy of crossing his mind even though you've stripped a part of yourself bare for him.

tucking your phone under the pillow, you close your eyes and allow that feeling to die out, consumed by the lack of sleep and mind that isn't exactly suitable for such an occasion.

you do catch the time on the alarm clock just before you really fall into a slumber, thinking yuna will be back soon and that maybe she can tell you another story of how her night went when you wake up in the morning. those usually make you feel a little better every time.

san texts two days later, telling you he's been busy studying for exams and all that. you never even questioning any possibility of it not being true, because you were also in the same exact situation.

it makes you feel rather silly now. thinking that someone so kind who helped you at a party and now in finding you a job, was not texting because he has some other intentions.

just your natural anxious self feeding doubts into your head.

but you have promised yunho, after a series of conversation, that you will apologize to yeosang.

you're usually one to hold grudges, more so if you feel so strongly about a certain person. but you're also easily persuaded (if that isn't obvious by now), especially when it comes to yunho, all it took was another day for that guilt to fully come into bloom.

after all, yeosang didn't have to come. he didn't have to help you nor take the time out of his day, but he did. and so, you do feel just a little bad about how it went; you being more at fault than his occasional snarky comments.

"hey!" you greet him, like actually greet him; a smile on your face and all, taking the usual seat beside him.

the class isn't that big in population so everyone always sits at the same spot, and though you do want to make amend with yeosang, you're not going to act like you're sitting next to him by choice.

he doesn't say anything, only keeping his chin up and attention on the computer screen in front. he's sulky, that's new. but understandable.

"so... how was your morn--"

you don't even get to finish your sentence, interrupted by your professor's loud voice as he goes over the usual routine--you having no other option than to back out with a pout.

a small smirk graces yeosang's lips, going unnoticed by you.

the rest of the class is spent in agonizing boredom. you like computers, but you're more interested in the gaming aspects of it. the pretty graphics and the joys you get from the entertainment it provides.

not the more technical, complex stuff that you have too little care for. maybe in conclusion, you failing the first exam isn't so much of a mystery.

your attempt of an apology didn't go through the first time, but second time's a charm, which, you find that is not the case either.

"hey," you try again, another smile coating your lips in a way it has never before. "i was thinking." you only slightly turn to put your notebook back inside your backpack. "that we could--"

you're talking to the thin air at this point; yeosang already gone and you only catch a glimpse of his blonde strands until it's completely out of sight.

you sigh.

entry #3

i almost forgot i have this. probably because the past week had been so hectic and everything. i was studying for most of my classes, then prepping for the interview. at least i did okay on the interview and passed most of my exams?! except for one. it's a little embarrassing because it's a course tied to my major, but i swear, i did study. i don't want to go too much into what happened with yeosang, but you (i, myself) should already know what went down. of course, i haven't given up on this little mission of mine. quite funny considering it's yeosang, but i'd like to think i'm doing it for yunho. i have a better plan this time, i think. so i hope it works this upcoming wednesday

~

"the weather is nice today, isn't it?" you try initiating a conversation, having just arrived at your seat.

"not really. too chilly for my liking," he actually replies, much to your surprise but his eyes hasn't moved from the screen.

you scoot your chair in and clasp both your hands together, head turning his way.

"i think it's perfect. a lot better than last mont--"

once again, you're cut short by your professor who has a thing for making your life just all more difficult. but you're going to make it work today. you are.

and, yeosang's already speaking to you again, which is a good sign.

your 'plan' is pretty much packing everything a few minutes before class is over, sneaky gaze toward yeosang's direction and making sure you're a few steps ahead of him at all time.

even when he gets up to exit, you're strolling right behind him, only to block his path when you feel like the area's in the clear.

"hey," you utter, putting a pretty smile on so it'll make you feel a lot less pathetic and desperate that you're trying this hard for kang yeosang.

he raises an eyebrow, an intrigued look on his face but you don't know how to read into it.

"hey?"

"look, about the other day--"

"you're still on that?" he cuts, something amusing in his tone that makes your mouth puckers.

"well, you seemed like you were as well." your comment coming off playful rather than mocking.

he sneers and blinks away.

"please, i'm way too overgrown for that."

"says the one all sulky face on monday," you reply, exceptionally fast.

he locks gaze with you again, another amusement written all over his face.

"just wanted to make your life all much harder," he snide quietly, and you're also fast to give a reaction with a cheeky smile.

"you wouldn't even have to try at all."

a scoff departs him along with a chuckle. "so this is all you wanted to say?"

"that and yunho wanted me to ask you if we can, by any chance, give the whole tutor thing another go." you make sure to put extra emphasis on yunho's name so he'll know that although you're caving, it also isn't completely on your own terms.

"mhmm," he hums, acting aloof as if he's actually thinking about it. "we'll see."

you nod it off, lips drawing a thin line before your attention settles on his hair. or more particularly, something in his hair.

the pink cherry blossom petal laying on top his blonde locks, a little amazing how well the two go together. and maybe if his guts doesn't annoy you so much, you'd even say they perfectly complement each other.

a tiny giggle leaves when you go to rid the petal from his hair, chin titled because he's much taller.

his eyes follow the movements of your hand until it travels down to your own, catching your gaze in his and by the time you have picked the petal, hanging it by the side of his face, you think the blush that emerges from him is easily the same shade.

"you had something in your hair." you wave the petal in your hold before letting it slip away to the ground with the rest of them.

"thanks?" he swallows nervously, and you'll be damned if you're to ever admit that a flustered yeosang is a little endearing.

typically, you'd be in the library or cafe with yunho and mingi at this time, scribbling and doodling away while listening to tales of their godly college experience so far, but there has been a change of plan.

for some reason, they decided that this afternoon would be the perfect time to scramble inside mingi's and wooyoung's tiny dorm and watch a horror movie.

and when you say they, you mean mingi. you honestly don't even know why. he's the biggest scaredy cat ever and can't watch anything remotely scary for shit.

last time he wanted to watch some b-rated film and he couldn't sleep for days after. it wasn't even that scary. was literally just about an evil turkey killing on thanksgiving.

"did you say it's killer clowns from space this time?" yunho repeats, just to be sure he's not hearing things.

"yes," mingi confirms, navigating to a rather suspicious looking website with clumps of ads because he wants to watch it for free and none of you can afford to rent it at the moment.

you await quietly while yunho's scrolling through his phone.

"actually, i think it's free with ads on youtube," yunho enlightens.

"well shit." mingi clicks his tongue, typing into the address bar.

it's a little clustered, the three of you huddled on the floor in between mingi's and wooyoung's beds and with only a small table in front holding mingi's laptop.

if only college dorms came with wide flatscreens as well, life would be a lot easier.

"okay, it's playing, i think..." mingi says, "fuck, why is this shit so slow."

the video just keeps buffering and buffering; no signs of it playing any time soon.

"okay, either this campus has some dogshit wifi or i need a new laptop."

"well, you've had that laptop for years," you comment.

"then you go and get us your new laptop. you know, the one that can run roblox at 60 fps."

"pfft," you blow and yunho laughs in response. "right. the one that overheated and shut down when i was playing the sims."

"okay? at least you got past the loading screen before it crashed. and you should be grateful. i spent a whole summer being berated by my father just to get the extra cash for it."

"no, you got berated because you did a god awful job of dogsitting and the neighbors were cursing your parents' names for weeks after," yunho chips in.

"it's not my fault the animal got out."

"oh yes because it just magically opens the door and gate by itself."

"okay well, i gave it freedom. i doubt that dog saw a speck of sunlight in years. i hate that wretched old hag mrs. han. she's always giving me that look."

"well no shit, you let her dog out," you're the one to say it this time.

"but he came back--and oh would you look at that, the video's finally playing. now both of you please kindly shut the fuck up."

the video plays smoothly, much to all three of your surprises. which leads you to believe mingi's ancient laptop isn't the problem after all.

you wouldn't really say the movie is scary; more so disgusting because of the gore.

"that's fucking gross," yunho comments, expression pinching in from the revulsion.

"sick. whoever came up with the idea for this movie is sick in the head," mingi grumbles. he has both his hands over his face, one eye barely peeking out from in between the small space of his fingers.

"more sick than whoever recommeded we watch this?" yunho fires.

you're about to join in on the fun banter, when a buzz in the pocket of your jeans go off. seeing that the two are rather occupied, you pull it out, thinking it's just going to be a quick check.

your eyes literally about to pop out of its sockets and the beat of your heart seems to have multiplied; breath growing fainter when you see his name.

san: hey :)

you haven't even thought about him at all today, and maybe even barely a little yesterday. because after the monday he texted you, he went radio silent again.

and with the whole yeosang shenanigans, you really did seem to have forgotten. but now that he's announced his existence again, everything comes flooding back all at once.

his sweet words, the position you guys were in a couple days ago, and then the once again, abrupt and short period of silence.

you try to keep from showing any kind of reactions, afraid at least one or if not, both of them will catch on.

it's already bad enough that yunho has stern eyes on san and mingi was just making a comment a few days after the party about how weird san was acting.

you don't like disappointing your friends or going against their wishes, which is why you won't tell them. because if they don't know, then it doesn't apply, which in restropect, sounds a lot worse. because you have never felt like you had to keep something from them before.

"y/n would agree, right y/n?" yunho's voice snaps you back.

"uh--yes!" you attempt to sound like you weren't just dozing off, thrusting your phone back to where you got it from.

"two against one! an evil turkey is way more manageable than a bunch of alien clowns out for blood."

"well at least the clowns doesn't look like someone's burnt dick."

fortunately, the movie finishes within another hour when it's finally evening, and you're fast to pull an excuse like you need to get back to your room to finish up an assignment.

mingi and yunho not even aware at all that you've been telling them small lies just so you can dwell in the attention of a boy who likes to disappear for a few days, and has a knack for making you question things you have never before.

y/n: hey san, i'm sorry for replying so late. i was with mingi and yunho.

you sit at the edge of the bed, staring at the screen so intensely because there's that familiar feeling of butterflies swimming in your stomach, and a curiosity that has you wondering what he has to say.

what's the reason for the sudden text, and that maybe, he just might finally want to do something together. him seeking you out means he's finally thought of you at least.

time flies by steadily but there has yet to be a reply from him.

assuming that you probably took too long and he has found another source of entertainment, you settle your phone on the nightstand with a frown, the back of your head hitting the pillow as you stare up at the ceiling when there's a sudden knock at the door.

you're thinking to yourself that yuna's back awfully early tonight; maybe she's got her hands full and can't rummage for the key. it's happened before.

"welco--" the words get stuck in your throat and your eyes goes wide like an idiot when you see who has shown, and it is not your roommate.

"san?"

he's here, outside your room and looking as good as always; especially when there's dimples decorating his cheeks and he's smiling at you that makes a certain warmth ripple through your chest.

"hey! sorry i wasn't able to reply. was making my way over."

"oh, uh... that's okay."

his smile broadens, gaze sneaking past your shoulder.

"are you alone?" he asks.

you slowly nod, missing the faint smirk crawling onto his lips.

"may i come in?"

you nod again, stepping aside and widening the frame. when he passes by, there's a light alcoholic smell that trickles your nose. you wonder if he was drinking just before he came. but he looks and sounds sober enough.

he's admiring the interior and decorations with hands tucked inside his pockets when you come around to the corner of yuna's bed, a little embarrassed about how contrasting her side is compared to yours.

"i've yet to done anything with it," you mutter.

he turns around and give you a reassuring smile.

"i like it. just exactly my kind of style. simple and easy to the eye."

a low giggle pours from you.

"you could put it like that."

since that wasn't really what you were going for. it's more like 'i'm obviously broke but how can i make this look as decent as possible'.

the air goes quiet for a bit, a tension hanging between the both of you that neither wants to speak of, yet.

"is there something i can do for you?" you bring up. something that drives him all the way to the floor of your room--and to standing in front of you.

but that seems to be the green light; the sign for him to begin taking closer steps toward you, causing your breath to hitch inside your throat. before you know, your back's already in contact with the solid hard wall.

"actually, there is," he mumbles, one arm pinning the wall and hovering over your head. the proximity allowing you to drown in his scent confirms that he's at least a little tipsy. but maybe not completely drunk.

you swallow both nervously but also with some anticipation, because whenever you're with san, he always makes something inside of you so heated; a throbbing feeling in your core that he has a special charm for conjuring.

"you know, beautiful," he whispers, his free thumb swiping over your bottom lip. "i couldn't stop thinking about what we did the last time we were together."

you feel the temperature of your cheeks rising and a pink shade painting over them at such statement. but honestly, who are you kidding. you have been thinking about it, too.

it even got you in trouble with yunho because instead of studying, you were busy thinking about how you sucked san's cock.

"so tell me." he leans closer until his forehead collides with yours, hard eyes boring into your own with something dark and lustful. "have you been thinking about it, too?"

you nod so fast, even san's a little surprised at the immediate response. but ever since he kissed you the first time, and after everything else, it has given you an odd amount of confidence. or at least enough fascination to find out where this will take you.

"i have..."

"fuck," he curses. "i love it when you're straightforward like this."

and he kisses you. just like that. head slanted for better access and given that this is the third time now, you're starting to become a little better at this.

your arms naturally settle around his neck and when he departs with heavy breathing to place small pecks over your jawline, you groan in awe at the sensation.

the back of your spine sinks harder into the wall from how he has you pressed against it. only until he releases himself from the tip of your skin, do you feel a drop of pressure; your chest relaxing a bit.

but that's only for so long before a grunt leaves his mouth because he's lifted your entire body off the flooring and proceeding to throw you onto the mattress of your bed--the cushion submerging when your back meets it.

he climbs on top and you freeze, only able to stare back at him. you won't dare to look at your roommate's side, or her arts and belongings glaring back for doing this with a man in the shared space.

"miss seeing you like this," he says, pressing down to kiss again, and it must've go on for five minutes. your grip in his hair and his hands roaming all over your body, tongue clashing one another like it'll be the last time.

of course, you have no idea what you're fucking doing. just following along san's movements and letting him guide you.

both his palms pin the bed at your side, lips moving away to nibble at your neck, drawing a wet trail as he moves lower and lower till he's face first at your crotch; his hands already at the waistband and ready to strip it off.

he's impatient. so impatient.

"want to return the favor, beautiful," he coos, before he pulls it off with a jerk. thankfully it was loose and not too tightly clasp around you.

you whimper just slightly at the short lasting burn that's soon met with the naked air; you never having felt so exposed before in front of someone. especially not somone like san.

pretty... even your underwear is pretty, he thinks.

"may i?" he asks in a soft tone, your eyes barely holding his from the position, but you do want it. whatever he's about to do.

"yes, san," you answer, even more mellow than his.

he doesn't waste a single second, hands going to rid the undergarment right away by sliding it off; you slightly lifting your body to make the process easier.

he tosses both pieces somewhere you'll worry about finding later, but not right now. especially not with your legs spread and pussy bare in front of him--which makes you incredibly flustered and on the verge of covering your face because it's just a little embarrassing. it being your first time and all.

"shit, y/n," he growls lowly at the sight. "is everything about you always this fucking pretty?"

you're about to say something but a whimper draws out instead when he goes to spread your legs even wider for better access.

"gonna make you feel so fucking good."

you don't get a chance at replying this time either, because he's already shot himself in, head in between your legs and a sloppy wet sensation at your entrance that makes you fold back in building gratification; both your hands immediatly branching out and squeezing the sheet of the bed.

"hmm..." you moan, coming off more like a cry. "o-oh my god, san."

you arch before settling back down on the bed again, the grip on the sheet only getting tighter and you can only imagine the wrinkles that's going to be imprinted.

because san knows how to eat pussy, and he knows how to eat it good.

you don't exactly have anyone else for comparison, but the way his tongue's swirling in your core and there's an oncoming sensation rushing in, is enough as it is.

even he seems to know your own body more than you do. all the right spots to suck, and the exact one where he needs to lay down extra suction.

his arms has found its way around your legs, face buried and delivering such excrutiating pleasure that makes your eyes roll itself and head thrown back, looking up at the ceiling while he devours your part like it's his last meal.

another thought goes over, almost unable to believe it yourself that just first semester into your college experience and this is already happening.

your mind does always seem to flash back to your friends and their stances whenever you do something you think they won't approve of.

but as of lately, you've been doing a lot more of those. especially when it involves someone named choi san.

"nhmmm..." you let out, when his tongue flicks at your clit.

san doesn't stutter even for a second, causing you to go into overdrive from the immense pleasure.

"shit..." the comment leaves you, coming out raspy breath.

his fingers dig into your thighs; all the feelings at the moment overwhelming for someone of your experience, suddenly at the edge and like you're going to combust.

but then, he stops... much to your disappointment.

you peep up, holding yourself down by the elbows to look at him with a frown on your lips while his are a little red and there's messy strands of hair falling over his forehead.

he sits on his knees poking the mattress and looks back with eyes just slightly dark.

"may i fuck you, beautiful?"

a clog plugs up your throat, but you manage to overcome it somehow. the thought scaring you a little, but you do want it.

"y-yes. please fuck me."

and as if he isn't already hard as a rock, he thinks such words leaving you like that only makes it so much worse.

"when you say it like that..." he mumbles, going to unbutton his pants. even with it on, you can see his erection. "it's so fucking sexy."

sexy... that's definitely one you've never heard before.

before he gets it off fully, his hand scrambles for something inside one of the pockets and keeps it in his hold. only until your sight is better adjusted on the item do you realize it's a condom.

his boxer and pants comes off as a pair, sliding down to his knees and kicked off somewhere on the floor--proceeding to tear the packaging with his teeth and that, too, goes with the rest of his clothes.

you watch as he sets the plastic over his size, all you can think about is if you're going to be able to take it.

"tell me if it hurts, okay?" he soothes, and the way it softens you up is not very fitting for the current scene.

you nod, letting your head fall back against the pillow, awaiting that stretching burn as you tighten your lips together.

and a burn it definitely is--as soon as the head of his cock enters, you're already squirming.

"you okay?" he asks, hands gripping your hips.

"y-you can keep going."

the sting is still apparent and naturally, your hands find his, clutching onto it as he opens you up.

"so fucking tight," he curses, just wanting to fuck into you already. but he knows better than anyone that patience does pay off in the end.

you're heavy breathing and gasping for air just a tiny bit when his entire length is in, you're honestly surprised you can even take it--though not exactly well.

"hugging my cock so well," he speaks so melodically, hands rubbing over your hips and you feel your walls clenching itself on him, loosening another curse under his breath.

"gonna fuck you now. gonna fuck you so good."

he starts by gliding in and out slowly, allowing for you to still adjust to the stretch as well as his pace. because once he starts really fucking, there's no going back.

you have your eyes squeezed shut, indulging in the commotion in between your legs that is both agonizing and fulfilling. when you feel you're ready for the next step--whatever that is, you urges him.

and san is very urgent.

his hips snapping into yours and fingernails now digging into your skin, the room is a nasty mix of sex, moans, and muffled weeping.

"s-san," you manage to get out amidst the desperate pounding, "i-it feels s-so good..." your voice thinning out into a whisper because he's hitting that spot so perfectly, your eyes can't stop rolling back.

"i know, baby. i know." he soothes your waist, at the same time using it as leverage to fuck into you even more. "and you're taking my cock so well."

and if sex is always this good, or at least feels this good when done right, you think it just might consume you.

his hands travel from your waist to your cheeks, cupping it and presses his body down to deliver a kiss, but still able to hold a rhythm as he never stops thrusting even for a bit.

it's the chosen position for the next couple of minutes; lips tangled and body intertwined with heavy pantings and groans filling the room, until a pit forms in your stomach and from how good he's fucking you, you're definitely going to come.

"g-gonna cum," you breathe through the kiss.

"cum, baby," he whispers, moving to your ear, "cum on my cock."

his lewd words are the breaking point, and you do. it's the second time you've ever cummed, and of course it's by choi san, the only person who's ever made you orgasm.

after the peak of his visit is over with, you both sit up, goal fixated on finding your clothes and hoping that your roommate doesn't happen to have a change of plan that sends her back early tonight.

"wait, san," you say, legs hanging off the side of the bed and staring at him while he's picking the pieces off the flooring.

"did you even get to cum...?" there's a hint of something in your voice; guilt maybe. that you were so hyperfocused on feeling so good under him, the fact that he also should be enjoying it as well flying over your head.

he smiles, a little endeared that you would care this much.

"way before you, beautiful. no need to worry."

your chest settles back in relief, which in turn makes san chuckles dryly.

your jeans and underwear sitting at the corner of yuna's bed on the floor catches your attention and you hop off, making way toward it.

he turns to you amid the process, pants still draping loose around his ankles and utters, “you should probably get cleaned up.”

you nod and start on the undergarment, having absolutely no idea how things like this usually works; what goes before or after, but since he suggested it, you’re thinking if he wants to do it together.

it’ll probably be overly suspicious; that’s if the smell speaks of anything, but the men’s and women’s bathrooms are separates and shouldn’t be of any problem.

your mouth only just slightly departs about to say something but he has you beat, gawking at you with something unreadable in his eyes and expression.

"i think i'm gonna go," he says, just finished with the last button of his pants.

"oh, did you have somewhere you gotta be?"

there's a quick silence before he really answers.

"yeah..."

you don't want to make it like he owes it to you to stay just because he fucked you. or maybe perhaps he does--you don't really know. you just know you don't want him to slip out of your grasp, and you're willing to do anything to keep holding on.

even if it goes against your heart's wishes.

"i'll see you then."

two seems to be the magic number for san.

it takes another two days to hear anything from him again, and though your chest sits uncomfortably tight at where exactly this 'relationship' is heading, you're really just glad to be hearing from him again.

you take a cab to his apartment and it starts and ends all the same as last time--with you under him and moaning his name, then him attempting to mend over it with some sweet words that doesn't do very much in terms of aiding because he's telling you he has to be somewhere and already, you're taking a cab back to the dorm.

and the day after when he calls you back isn't bound to end any different.

he's sitting at the end of the bed, back and broad shoulders facing you patting down the wrinkles on his pants.

there is something strange about you so willingly accepting of the fact that there's a big chance he's going to kick you out any second now; but you don't want it to be all the same.

a part of you even wishes today might be the day he'll also want to do something else together.

if everything is already predetermined, you want to be the one to change it. oh, so naive you are.

"san..." you say softly, still situated near the head of his bed.

"yeah?" he slightly turns and spare you a glance, all intrigued eyes.

three times... that's how many times you've already slept with him, but you realize that you still know almost absolutely nothing about him aside from the obvious givens that he's hot, in the same year as you, and is wooyoung's friend.

even his favorite color or food, you don't know.

"can you tell me something about yourself?"

he raises an eyebrow and looks as if he might've heard it wrong; his posture shifting toward you more as it goes on.

"like?"

"well, like what's your major, or favorite color or food. or even your birthday."

"why do you want to know?"

you almost want to gasp or at least look a little offended, because you're sure you deserve to know at the very least these basic things about him considering the extent of the 'relationship'.

"because i want to know more about you."

he sighs and you want to break on the spot because you never thought such a simple question would ever make someone so annoyed like the reaction he's giving you right now.

"even if i answer, it won't matter."

your lips turn just a smidge wobbly, talking through your shaken voice, "of course it matters. it matters if it's you."

the air goes silent after your response and you're wondering if regret or guilt is a common feeling when asking someone about themself.

"july 10th."

your eyes shoot back to him.

"huh?"

"my birthday is july 10th."

"oh…" is all you can say. you didn't even think he'd answer, given his initial reaction.

"yeah..."

you continue sitting on the bed in the air that's now turned unpleasant, observing his movements as he goes to pick something off from the floor--and it's your clothes.

he stretches an arm your direction with the items in his clutch and mumbles, "you should go."

and you do... but with something heavy sitting on your chest--one that's completely different from last time--one that will rob you of any joy for the rest of the day because it's just the littlest kind of painful.

entry #4

i like san, i really do. and when you get that close to that level of intimacy, i think it's only natural you'd get curious about the other person. but it's like he doesn't want to open up, and i don't really know how to feel about that...

next // series m.list

[titleknown]

Preserving the tags from the reblog-ee:

#negging works apparently just not in the way they think#<<<<<prev#men think negging works BECAUSE IT WORKS ON THEM#its basically the only mode of social communication for many of them!!!#it works extremely well on them from women especially

Cause like... to yes-and, I feel like we as a culture should talk about that more, because it's hard for me to put it fully into words, but I think you're right and I think it's related to why it's so hard for anti-sexism efforts to reach certain men.

IE, to put it in brain-jumbled terms, it seems like they view kindness as a kind of veiled insincerity because of how they're taught to view their own immiseration as a personal failing* so they think that kindness and the invitation to be kind to themselves is just an invitation to further immiserate themselves by not keeping up their own crushingly brutal standards.

Tho, this is speaking as a male-ish disabled someone who constantly beats up on themself because of the internalized idea that "If I don't, I'll just fall even deeper into the patterns that crushed by dreams," so I might be projecting, but I think I've seen that as a dynamic in a lot of other people.

The real problem is what to do about it in a society that does; in fact; punish you for being kind to yourself...

*Note that this is often related to a broader idea of passive abject neglect as the default state of being a person, often opposed to the active malice marginalized folks get. I say "often" because in men who are in marginalized demographics, you end up with both frames of reference, and that really fucks you up

the idea that reactionary spaces are attractive to men because they treat them kindly unlike The Left is so odd because whenever I come across that content it's essentially the same dynamic as pro ana "meanspo". if you don't know what that is, it's "motivation" based on degrading the viewer to the point where they can't "make excuses" and not become anorexic, or in this case a true Alpha Male. I feel like thisis objectively worse for someone's mental health than The Left

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom season 2, ep 12-16 thoughts! these episodes, in comparison to the first 10 or so, felt way more laid back and low-stakes, which I appreciate sometimes. I didn't appreciate how lazy jack's halfa design was in masters of time, it made me so annoyed I redesigned it. 👎🏻 u_u

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-'picking a fight with me and my upgraded form!' 'you upgraded to a mullet?' DANNNNY. YOU CANT SAY THAT TO TECHNUS. YOUVE HAD A MULLET TWICE NOW ('fun' split danny, and evil future danny BOTH HAD THEM). I HAVE THE RECEIPTS.

-danny seeing technus hurting valerie and yelling I AM GOING TO BREAK YOU IN HALF. SAMEEEE <3

-axion labs is now a part of vladco. FUCK YOU VLAD. hes not even really IN this episode, but just thought I'd throw out a nice fuck you anyway.

-'capable of blasting a single person into space in (2) minutes!' tucker. that would kill someone. i mean yeah they might get to space, but theres NO WAY THEY WOULDNT CATCH FIRE, OR THEIR ORGANS WOULDNT LIQUIFY BECAUSE OF THE STRAIN. THEY'D PROBABLY PASS OUT BEFORE THEN, BUT. ...no, okay, I get why vlad bought this company. this is RIGHT up his alley.

-danny KNOWS VAL DIDNT DO THIS, THAT SOMEONE STOLE THE SUIT. AND SPENDING ALL NIGHT CHATTING WITH HER. <3 and val is a 9TH DEGREE BLACKBELT?? danny's mom is, too!! omg and she hunts ghosts, his parents would love her. and her fav fruit is kumquat bc its a funny word. im so with danny val is amazing. I love her and I Do Not Want To Hear It From Sam.

-I knew danny wanted to be an astronaut, but the bowling tidbit is like. yes give me more useless info abt these characters, I love tiny details that make them feel more human, and im glad hes got hobbies aside from ghost stuff, we dont really see a lot of that!!! (I mean, we knew 'fun' danny from when he split himself in half liked bowling, so obv it makes sense he LIKES it, but hes very GOOD at it. so proud of him, bowling king) val calling him neil armstrong and them teasing each other. LOVE THAT.

-technus you are my favorite grandpa for setting this up. SAM WHY ARE YOU BEING SO CREEPY BE HAPPY FOR YOUR FRIEND!!! STOP SPYING ON THEM!!! who actually cares if technus did 'set them up' together, theyre having fun and enjoy each others company!!! 'you think the universe wants you two to be together?' 'i dunno, but maybe /I/ do!' EXACTLY DANNY!!! SOO TRUE.

-and valerie being happy sam said she wants to try and be happy for them and make room at the lunch table for them. and hugging sam over it. VAL NEEDS MORE FRIENDS.

-VAL GOING AFTER TECHNUS IN HER SUIT WITH (1) MILK, AND (1) TREE BRANCH AND KEYS!!!. I LOVE YOUUUU BEST GIRL. her new suit kicks ass

-dannys like 'HEY IM AN ASTRONAUT :D' AW. ...HES IN SPACE... the fact he's actually intending to give her the ring. with SAMS NAME ON IT?? IM CRINGING DANNY NO. YOU CANT DO THAT...thank god he didnt. thank god valerie cut it off and said they can just stay friends for now. tbh, they both have a lot on their plates!! they obv both still like each other...it can be a future thing!! when she knows about phantom! youre 14 theres no need to rush. I just want her to have friends and be happy :(

-...danny struggles to do (1) pull up. SAME. but all the ghost fighting in phantom form REALLY doesnt carry over at ALL? that sucks

-sam being as fit as she is, is not just a goth. shes a goth jock.

-honey I Shrank Our Kid, One of his Enemies, and his Bully: the episode

-dash's crush on phantom is So Obvious. fitness buddies :) watching them interact always makes me laugh. also, phantom, with PANTS. 'how many costume changes you gonna go through, what is this, vegas??' DASSH DJKSFHASKDF

-MADDIE GOING AFTER THE MOUSE WITH A BROOM, WHAT THE FUCK. AAAH. JUST BUY SOME KIND OF MOUSE TRAP.

-danny likes lime and vinegar chips. which sound very good.

-'our boy finally has the physical prowess of a 60 year old president!' ...poor danny LMAO

-'what's wrong with beauty pageants' oh tucker you sweet naïve child. what ISNT wrong with them. who approved this for a high school?? (I mean, yes. unfortunately child pageants exist, but...) also danny and tucker once again treating the pretty girls like objects. I need to meet the grown man who wrote this, I just want to talk...

-prince aragon's dragon form reminds me of maleficent (color scheme wise) which is always a bonus. considering the episode is called beauty marked, I feel like the sleeping beauty references are deliberate

-sam with the fake fangs. once again her accessories never miss. hate the 'not like other girls, girls who get sucked into this kind of thing are all shallow and all want to be carbon copies' bs tho.

-sam trying to be the Worst Bride, being rude as shit. DORA IS GOING TO GET KILLED. DID YOU MISS THE PART WHERE SHE SAID THE PRINCE WILL HAVE HER HEAD IF YOU ARENT THE IDEAL BRIDE. YOU /KNOW/ DANNY WILL COME SAVE YOU. JUST ACT CHILL UNTIL THEN. even if you were doing fine to get him to take off the crown, consider maybe not letting his poor sister get punished also?? sure, she could also take off the crown and has dragon powers, but did you know that for sure?? dora didnt even really realize it until you guys talked!! (or at least, she was scared to stand up to him. you had no guarantee she would...) but. good for dora. ANOTHER friendly ghost to add to the List :)

-tucker is so under appreciated in his time. if he was doing a tech-based campaign today he'd have a better shot. people in 2004 had NO IDEA how much tech would be a part of our day-to-day lives...altho. tbh if you're going to be running for student council president, maybe you should..focus on things to actually improve the school? since he's going for a tech angle, he could say like, he would be running fundraisers for the schools computers to be upgraded, etc? we've already SEEN he can be good at money-making entrepreneur type stuff!!

-oh my god wait. this episode is JUST YUGIOH?????! A REBORN PHAROH USING A TEENAGER AS A VESSEL?? YESSSSSS

-tucker using his new minion to feed him grapes and carry him. AND LOCUSTS ONTO THE BULLIES. I love how when he's possessed, he gains winged eyeliner.

-this episode is giving me big 'plankton makes everyone in bikini bottom his slaves and build monuments of him from the spongebob movie' vibes. and the pharaoh has a traitor who works for him? VERY big yugioh vibes. aknadin confirmed

-I like that danny is still completely exhausted after using ghostly wail. (still patiently waiting on him to get duplication)

-LOVE the fenton's 80s outfits. I get hes 14 and embarrassed by everything they do because theyre his parents, but. cmon, this is one objectively cool thing theyve done. love 80s fashion.

-...was vlad just standing on that streetlight waiting for danny to come out? how'd he know they'd be coming out the back? how long has he been up there???

-oh, wait, his ecto-acne has flareups? that SUCKS. danny was...well I dont want to say he was LUCKY HE HALF-DIED, but he was lucky his was pretty instant (I'm assuming that had to do with the power/scale of the portals being different?) I remember in the ep we met him, vlad made a point of saying he was stuck in a hospital for a long time, so. that really actually sucks and I feel bad. not that it excuses anything he's done...but like. it does suck.

-vlad being so sure danny wouldnt help him he made it somehow contagious to his friends to make sure he'd get help? danny is a nice boy, he wouldve helped if it was anyone else. the only reason he wouldn't have is because of the shit vlad did to him, on purpose. vlad 100% dug his own grave by being the biggest asshole, so it is very hard to feel bad for him.

-clockwork is back!!! and making danny learn lessons The Hard Way. Uhhh, okay. I kind of get Danny’s logic, that time traveling this far back would prevent vlad from becoming a halfa also, ergo no arch nemesis or ectoacne to worry about. But the fact that was basically the first solution Danny came up with to solve this problem is actually so funny. It’s so extreme

-APPRICIATION FOR THESE 80S LESBIAN BG CHARACTERS.

-vlad telling maddie in the lab (in the 80s) he has something he's wanted to tell her 'for a long time'...how long have they known each other? I assumed they met in college, since jack always calls vlad his college buddy/roommate, so jack and vlad for sure met in college, but did vlad know maddie longer? thats surprising if so. Tho we don’t know what year of college they’re in so they could mean they met as freshmen and a few years have past…speaking of maddie shes crushing the 80s look.

-vlad blames jack, but. maybe dont stick your face 2 inches from the portal??! THIS FEELS LIKE LAB SAFETY BASICS. IF SOMETHING HAS POTENTIAL TO BE DANGEROUS, DONT GET NEAR IT. WITH YOUR FACE UNPROTECTED IN ANY WAY. (altho jack didnt really give a Big Warning besides screaming BONZAI. so. also that, but cmon.) also, they need gloves, goggles, and to pull all of their hair back tbh. but fuck lab safety, I guess!

-cryyyyinnng at how lazy they were with jack's ghost form design, its just plasmius' design on jack!!! you couldve given him his own design!!

-there. I did that in about 10 minutes and its somehow less lazy than what made it into the show. embarrassing! better yet, I think the episode would've been better if maddie would've gotten the ectoacne. or maybe its just me, wanting to see her design! anyway. I'm sure people have already done redesigns of them both as halfas. I have to go look after I finish this watch through. Also mildly frustrated jacks resentment and bitterness is basically also a copy paste of vlads backstory. They’re different characters, I really don’t think jack would stew in bitterness and jealousy the same way vlad would!! I also don’t think he’d give up after one time of trying to hunt ghosts and getting laughed at. Our canon timeline says different…I dunno, I get it was for laughs, but I’m annoyed because the POTENTIAL this plot has…

-did vlad really wear a stupid cheese hat to his wedding. ok actually that kinda rules. and the cheese door knocker. the dairy-only buffet table. vlad still got rich, just on being the New Dairy King. (Assuming that means he owns a lot of dairy businesses?) ok! this actually is great. hope maddie isn't lactose intolerant!

-'no matter how hard I tried, I could never get rid of my ghost half, the half I knew Maddie could never accept' ohh, ouch, what a horrible thing to say to her HALF GHOST SON. 'YOUR MOM WILL NEVER ACCEPT YOU' BASICALLY.

-maddie strapping danny to the table with a lazer pointed at him in a secret lab she keeps from vlad that she makes a point of saying is sound proof so he can scream all he wants...CHRIST. DANNYS POOR PYSCHE.

-also, not to feel bad for alternate vlad (because, he did lie to maddie saying jack blames her and never wants to see her again...) but. being married to a woman 20+ years and she immediately goes back to jack? if she didnt love vlad and feels like she had to hide shit from him, and says she wasted her best years with him, WHY MARRY HIM. it feels like leading him on!!! cannot believe im feeling bad for vlad, but. this alternate timeline vlad is significantly Less Horrible than Our Vlad. did she not think she'd get funding for her ghost stuff? (which, fair assumption since they're considered 'ghost fanatics/nuts in canon...but...) why did she think jack or vlad would be her ONLY OPTIONS? be like your sister. be single. Actually, this au could’ve been really interesting if after the accident, vlad lied to her and said jack never wanted to see her again, but she stays single. Imagine how much that would bug vlad… like, in her mind, it was never a competition it was jack or no one type situation…

-danny being like 'leave him ALONE' this jack is a HOMEWRECKER, DANNY. let them go to court and settle this at the least. ...or just throw vlad into the portal. (100% human, defenseless vlad) CHRIST, MADDIE THATS BRUTAL. THATS MURDER.

-danny seeing his mom immediately accepting him and his dad being half ghosts in this universe, if I was him this would be a great sign that his universe's maddie would also.

-*maddie voice* "clockwork will help!" *2 seconds later, with clockwork* "I will Not Help." TOUGH LOVE KING. YES LET DANNY SEE THE SODA HIMSELF AND DEVOLP BETTER OBSERVATION SKILLS.

-when clockwork ""reset time to the way it was"" just before danny "meddled"" ...did he really erase a whole alternate timeline? ...damn. because maddie and danny both called it an alternate timeline by name, it splitting when the college incident went different, so it wouldnt have really mattered if he reset it, right. like because danny's timeline is on a different stream? why didnt clockwork just. show danny a replay and not Reset That Timeline. wh...I wonder how many people that Erased From Existence. Anyway! once again stating clockwork is casually terrifying!

[hareofhrair]

#to prev tags#how do u explain the millions of women who are sexually abused if the world of sexual menace is fabricated?#what about the 1-in-5 statistic for college students?#rape culture?#sure the likliehood of you getting jumped by random strangers is slim to none as the stats show#but there is a reason to be vigilant. especially for femmes#nonsequitor i had a customer once tell me to be aware of my surroundings always at 7am on a fucling tuesday because she was worried id#be attacked working at the fucking home goods store#like maam. if i am attacked at work. i get workers comp. they will give me money for it.#i am half asleep and it is far too early for this.#anyways.

Oh the abuse absolutely happens! That's not the fabricated part, sorry for the confusion. The fabricated part is that women are routinely sexually assaulted by total strangers, jumped in the street or in parking lots. That sex trafficking rings are huge and common and target middle class white women and children and snatch people from their homes. That pedophiles are everywhere actively scheming and collaborating for better access to children. I'm talking about the conspiracy thought that surrounds the concept of sexual violence and enshrines as a simple fact of reality that there are roving bands of sexual predators actively stalking you at all times, and that the only safety from these predators is to cling to traditional patriarchal structures while being constantly suspicious of your neighbors, your community, and anyone classed as an outsider.

The reality of sexual violence is that in the vast majority of cases, both in adult sexual assaults and in abuse of minors, the perpetrator is someone in the victim's immediate social circle. Family or close acquaintances. The overwhelming majority of children kidnapped are taken by one of their own parents, usually as part of a custody disagreement. While human trafficking is real and sex trafficking is real, it is far less organized than conspiracy suggests, and the most common targets are people without communities. Recent immigrants (especially those that don't speak english) and runaways are the most common victims, and there's a good chance forced labor is far more common than sex trafficking, but sex trafficking is more commonly reported and forced labor is harder to detect and prosecute. Genuine pedophilia is *incredibly* rare, and the majority of people who sexually abuse children have no established sexual interest in children, any more than rapists have established interest in noncon. Sexual abuse is primarily about power and opportunity- It happens not because some people are just born with a desire to rape, but because people raised with abusive beliefs are put in situations where they have power and control over someone else and know they won't be held accountable for their actions.

The world of sexual menace is a fabrication. It divides us from our communities, keeps us isolated, and makes us easier to abuse by the people we're actually at risk from. If the woman in the video above is ever hurt by her husband, what are the chances her neighbors will notice, offer her shelter and support? If she has to flee her house in the night, is there anyone in her community who will take her in? She is cut off from everyone close enough to help her if her husband decides to kill her.

Strong community connections are the best, perhaps the only effective defense against sexual assault and abuse. If you're genuinely afraid of being attacked, your best protection is to make sure the people you pass every day know you and are looking out for you. Build yourself the widest safety net possible. So if someone's following you on the street, you know the baristas in the coffee shop will look out for you. You know your elderly neighbor is at her window keeping an eye on you. You know your friends down the road will come pick you up if you call. If your boyfriend is mistreating you, you know your next door neighbors will come over to check on you if they hear shouting. You know your friend a few houses up will let you in if you have to run out of the house barefoot in the middle of the night without your cell phone. You know there are people all over who will help you and protect you and that they vastly out number whoever is trying to hurt you. You're not alone.

One neighbor nearby who knows your name and will help you if you're in trouble is a thousand times more valuable than a dozen fancy door locks.

[incoherent-orca]

dang okay bringing this out of the tags

prev, the racism is in the fact that you jumped onto a baseless accusation prior to any consultation from the mods. if you look at the thread, the points go

1. tag saying 70k total vote count are bots

2. person responding we're not bots

3. same person from #1 saying "the mods aaid bots are okay" without at ALL acknowledging that we're not damn bots

4. you, jumping onto the assumption that voters for sulemio are bots because someone said it was allowed in the guidelines and immediately writing a callout post—do you see the leap in logic here?

nobody wants to think of themselves as racist, but in fandom spaces we queer woc are well aware that many "inclusive spaces" are riddled with microaggressions and unchecked (sometimes internalized) queerphobia and racism by white/western people who have not done the work to unlearn it nor listened to perspectives of queer woc

i acknowledge that you edited your post, but jumping the gun on this accusation (and the fact that this accusation exists in the first place, given that the graphs clearly show no erratic growth) is tinged with prejudice. queer woc are speaking and we hope anyone who considered themselves an ally listens: this shows how little others see the validity of queer woc participating in fandom

for the past days the destiel votes were growing at the same rate as the sulemio ones (the ratios have been stable since like. tuesday) and are both massively inflated compared to their respective vote counts in previous rounds. both of them show more or less the same slow growth in the latter days. they BOTH conributed to this "suspicious" total vote count. if you're all for fairness as you say, why does your initial post only call out the sulemio side? why are we automatically the more suspect? these are the questions i just want you to ask yourself.

Tumblr Top Ships Bracket - FINALS

This poll is a celebration of fandom and fandom history; we're aware that there are certain issues with many of the listed pairings and sources, but they are a part of that history. Please do not take this as an endorsement, and refrain from harassment.

[queermania]

#boooooo i had a long tag essay and was almost done and then i accidentally clicked on a notif and it disappeared :(#the short version is you're right!#dean did a shitty gross thing and i'm not going to defend it. it sucks!#i also think in a really shitty bass-ackwards way dean is trying to ask for help here#what you said about the weight being unbearable really stuck with me#if you look at just the gadreel decision alone that's huge#but he is also carrying the weight of holding sam charlie cas and kevin's lives in his hands and feeling like the only one who could help#cas and charlie came back but that doesn't erase the pain of watching them die and feeling like it was his fault.#plus the guilt he felt at bringing them back#if we go back to s8 he's carrying sam through the trials and before that he's carrying cas and benny out of purgatory#s7 it's the weight of losing cas and bobby plus trying to hold sam (and later honey cas) together#s6 it's lisa and ben plus sam's soul. s4-5 it's making sure heaven and hell don't kill sam.#is he partly to blame for placing this burden on himself? sure. is he handling things well? nope!#but it doesn't change the fact that he is carrying so much and he feels like he must carry it alone#(and sometimes others give him more to carry and/or tell him he must carry it alone)#dean does think he's responsible for everyone and to blame for everything. he does think he's poison.#most of the time he processes and deals with that alone which makes it so striking that he voices it in 09x10#and i think he takes the step to say it out loud because he is being crushed by his real and assumed responsibilities#and he just wants someone to help him#this may be unfair of him to ask for. it is certainly unfair to ask the way he does and at the time he does.#again i am not defending him this is a super shitty thing to do#I just think it's interesting to look at this as the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak#spn (via @monstermoviedean)

#prev tags#i think this is one of the worst side effects of the two of them rarely spending significant time with anyone else especially in seasons 8-9#dean IS asking for help here but he's asking for help from the person least equipped to help him in that moment#and possibly the person it's least fair to ask for this specific help in this instance#but who else can he ask?#he and cas are still sort of dancing around each other and he's carrying no small amount of guilt there already#and he doesn't really have any close friends at this point#they're still in the all our friends are dead era#i also think he's trying to force his relationship with sam to be recriprocal in a way it just never can be for so many reasons#who offered sam absolution (eventually) when he went off the rails with the demon blood and lilith?#who stood by him while lucifer had the wheel and gave him something to anchor himself to?#who pulled sam from the brink of suicide literally less than a dozen episodes ago by contradicting all sam's worst fears about himself#dean functions as sam's sin-eater over and over again throughout the show (this will not be the last time)#and he is looking for sam to do the same for him here#but sam cannot do that for dean for all the reasons dean must do it for sam#because their relationship is so entrenched in the parent-child dynamic#and that dynamic really doesn't move the other way so easily#i also think this is the culmination of several seasons' worth of dean's loved ones unintentionally making him last priority#in ways that specifically feed his worst self-image rather than contradict them#dean doesn't take the mark because sam said one cruel thing to him (or didn't say one thing he needed to hear)#dean took the mark because of that AND because cas didn't trust him with the angel tablet AND because benny didn't come back with sam#AND because cas let go of his hand in purgatory AND because sam didn't even try to get him out#AND because cas took in the souls and said they weren't family AND because cas wouldn't stop when dean begged him#AND because lisa and ben wanted him gone in the end AND because emma was born to kill him but died herself AND because#sam was out of the cage the whole year and nobody told him not even bobby AND because his mother's only living family loathed him#AND because cas went to crowley instead of him And and and and and and#seasons 6 through the first half of 9 were just a neverending avalanche of people literally choosing death over staying with him#and 9 tines out of 10 it wasn't even about him but look me in the eyes and tell me dean doesn't think it is#dean winchester#dean studies (via @darkshrimpemotions)

yeah you guys get it

perhaps my most controversial take as a deangirl is that dean is so wrong for what he says to sam at the end of 9x10. (what sam says isn't necessarily okay either but it is understandable in terms of how much time he's had to process the gadreel situation [read: like none] and the problem with what he says is more that it's part of a larger pattern of behavior but that's a discussion for a different time.) what dean does is... one of the grossest things he does in the entire series. he tries to guilt sam into forgiving him for something he's not even sorry for. and i think that's the real crux of the issue: dean's not sorry; and i don't think he should be but because he's not sorry, he doesn't know what to say, or how to move forward.

dean is very good at apologies. he's very good at saying, "here's what i did wrong. here's an acknowledgement of how it hurt you. here's the reason i did it. i know that doesn't make it okay. here's what i'm going to do going forward." but that's not an option in this situation. he's not sorry for what he did and he'd do it again in a heartbeat. so instead he says, "i'm so bad and evil and it makes me so sad" with an edge of "i'm saying this so you'll disagree with me and tell me how good i actually am and that you forgive me." but of course sam doesn't do that (and it's silly to think he would). so dean just leaves. and it leads directly to him taking the mark of cain.

and it's not that he's doing any of it on purpose. i don't think he even realizes he's doing it. part of what makes this situation so unique for him is the kevin of it all. dean's not sorry for saving sam's life but he is sorry that it got kevin killed and the weight of that is unbearable. there's nothing he can do to make it okay. but like, that doesn't make what he's doing here okay either.

all that being said, he's still my babygirl, and i support the angst scruff he's about to grow. <3

[prismatoxic]

actually, prev, if you don't mind, i wanna talk about your tags too:

#REAL SHIT#this makes me think about a post i saw the other day regarding chilaios#and the op was making fun of the ship talking about how it would never happen in canon because laios employed chilchuck#and people in the comments and tags were being so fucking mean it was depressing#acting like post canon doesn't exist or that their long lasted friendship rife with potential exploration doesn't exist#like you don't have to like chilaios obviously but as someone who does enjoy it i think i speak for fellow enjoyers when i say#please leave us be we all know it's a little goofy it's lowkey the point#tho personally it's so unironic too don't get me wrong

this is another one of the huge issues modern fandom has that, frankly, i'm fucking sick of. (all this hostility is not at all at you prev, i promise)

like, never mind that NO dunmeshi ships are canon--my best guess is people like this stick to things like farcille and chilchuck/his wife, maybe labru if they stretch the definition. or maybe they don't ship at all; maybe they're laughing at shippers. i've seen too many that justify their own ships while dismissing others, though, so i'm not counting on that. but for just a moment, let's disregard the fact that there are no canon ships (unless you count like... idk... the tansus???)

why the fuck is a ship only valid if it can be canon?

let me tell you something, dunmeshi fandom. i don't WANT chilaios to be canon. that is not my end goal. why the fuck would it be? it adds nothing to the story that ryoko kui was trying to tell. i like chilaios because i love chilchuck and laios's dynamic, their friendship and trust and the times when they're in opposition to each other as well. i like chilaios because i find it compelling. that's why i like any ship. shipping is not a petition for canon status, it's a fandom activity. i like dunmeshi just the way it is; what i do with it after is my business as a fan.

fandom has never been about strict canon adherence. it's not even about fixing canon, not always. it's about playing in the sandbox canon made for us. it's about picking the dolls out of the sandbox and putting them in a new one. it's about, and i cannot stress this enough, having fun. if you want to shackle yourself to canon, that's your right, but stop demanding other fans do the same--or looking down on those who don't. you are not as righteous as you think you are for not caring about traditional fandom activities. if anything, i wonder why you're even here. you sound fucking miserable.

if i may, allow me to redirect anyone who thinks this way to the fanlore page on shipping. you may learn some things.

there is always going to be something a little off-putting to me about claiming a definitive canon sexuality for a character that doesn't actually have one.

like, we all have our headcanons, of course. and that's fine. but there's a world of difference between "i headcanon this character as gay" and "this character is gay in canon", and so frequently the latter isn't even true. if it's not stated in the source material nor by the creator, then it isn't canon. and that's okay!!

like, okay, it doesn't affect me anyway because no listed sexuality could ever stop me from shipping what i want to, but also... this is so often just an excuse to be mad at people for shipping "the wrong thing". it also tends to dip really uncomfortably into biphobic/panphobic territory.

to use a relevant example, unless ryoko kui has officially stated marcille and/or falin are lesbians (i don't think she has?), you cannot act like they are canonically. not only do they have no in-canon definitive romance (because dunmeshi is not a romance story), but even if you interpret their bond as queer (and like, most of us do, i certainly do), that doesn't for sure mean they only like women. you can headcanon that they do, but you can't harass other fans for not treating them that way. you have to accept that they will both be shipped with men, and it's not homophobia unless the shipper in question is actually, you know, being homophobic about it.

nothing another fan does will ever change what happened in canon, nor alter your own fanwork. you can do whatever you want forever. if someone making your fave blorbo a sexuality you don't agree with pisses you off, block them. if they ship things you hate so much that it makes you mad, block them. you're allowed to. this is your space to curate as you please.

people on the other side do it, too. "ummm chilchuck has a wife" is something i've seen slung at m/m ships for him. not only does his canon wife (who, you know, left his ass, stop acting like shipping him with anyone else is unreasonable on that alone) not preclude headcanoning him as gay if you want to, but it ABSOLUTELY doesn't preclude him being bisexual. for fuck's sake. gay and straight are not the only sexualities. i'm going to drop the contents of a dirty litterbox on your head.

like... genuinely, headcanon whatever you want. you could make everyone in the cast the same exact sexuality if you wanted to. what you shouldn't be doing is acting like anyone else is beholden to your ideas. or, hell, even canon's ideas. fandom is about the freedom to do what you want with your blorbos. have fun with it and stop blaming other fans for not making the content YOU want.