#< am i allowed to use that tag even if my post isnt actually sharing resources? bipoc folks PLEASE feel free to correct me anytime

[captainbobbin]

tagged by @goth-automaton yeehaww

Rules: list the first line of your last 10 (posted) fics and see if there's a pattern!

I am gonna skim over a couple of fics though that I think were a bit rushed haha - my last batch of fics that came out were all done as part of my one-fic-per-day challenge so some of them are a bit scrappy haha; sue me for only using the fics from that challenge that I felt came out a little more solid lmao

Bearbaiting (nsfw)

“Prove it,” Astarion had spat, and none too kindly.

Earth, Comet, Eclipse

“Your dad's sleeping tonight,” Terra explained once Xion found him outside. He’d asked her earlier in the day to find him, and now he leaned against the wall and gave her an easy smile, which she returned. She liked Terra. She liked how comfy he was, how easy he was to be around. He gave a nod towards the wooded area nearby, the expanse of forest that hugged the edge of one of the rivers that ran around the Land of Departure. “Berserk, however, is up and hunting. Thought we'd go make it a game. You in?”

Midas

“Sanji,” Zeff whispers, hunched by the kitchen door and peering out, tone hushed and severe. Usually it's eggplant or brat or boy. Must be important. When Sanji totters over he's barely hip-height, far too young to be in a galley and far too young to be anywhere else. A hand plants on his head carefully to corral him, aim his gaze outward, and above and below they share the two-inch gap of the door and look out at the dining room. “Look.”

Afterimage (nsfw)

Saïx was pretty familiar with Xemnas’ abilities. Not all of them, which would infuriate him if only he was lucky enough to be allowed such a feeling for Saïx always wanted to know more, but for the most part Xemnas’ strange quirks and magical talents had stopped being unexpected. He’d grown numb to Xemnas floating off of the floor, to lights responding and things moving with barely even a glance, to thorns of nothing winding around things Xemnas’ wanted brought closer - himself included.

Trained Talent (nsfw)

There was a bit of a stereotype about jesters; that they were all secretly miserable, hard done by, only putting on a brave face and faking their cheer because at all times they were at risk of being admonished by whichever member of royalty they tried to entertain. That performers wore masks and actually suffered behind their smiles. There was a nugget of truth to it - a smile is a good way to cover up a frown, after all - but the truth that was more potent was that being a clown was a position of power.

Budbloom

Elliott, truthfully, didn’t spend that much time at the cabin these days.

The Front

Sanji wasn't an idiot. He knew from the first moment he applied for the job that Raindinners was sketchy as fuck. He'd been around, knew kitchens, could tell when corners were being cut - and believe him, they're cut often in a lotta places - but this was something else altogether.

Headspace

“What do you want, Booga?” Jasper snarled as the other Spectral Sentinel all but waltzed into his private quarters after the sound of grating rumbling shook the entire floor. The dull creature had no concept of boundaries and Jasper knew that that was not about to change, but by the goddess he ought to at least learn to knock adequately.

Shear

Xemnas thought often about the concept of trust.

Deathroll (nsfw)

Surviving past lovers, had they the gall, might go so far as to call Crocodile lazy.

I'm surprised that I don't start with dialogue more often - I feel like I often open the fic with something spoken or something that comes back later, but it seems that I actually often start with an establishing paragraph that sets up the point of view characters current emotional state/line of thought. Which isnt a bad thing tbh! Though I think I'm going to have to try and change things up now and then haha

anyone who would like to do this meme, feel free to join in! I'd love to see @hroggins, @winxixia, @finlands-beret share their version and their thoughts but no pressure of course!

[welcome-to-green-hills]

This is fellow archeologist! I finally worked up the courage to dm you (anxiety and shyness, my eternal curse), but it says you only accept messages from tumblrs you follow. My sonic blog is @navy-the-tiger but you dont have to follow I am fine talking like this

Also I totally wasn't weird and scrolled through your entire archeologist tag. Feel you so much on being frustrated with the way archeology is portrayed in media. Rarely accurate, often a romanticized depiction of the early, unethical forms of archeology... It hurts every time.

Also hearing about your job was super interesting! My dig (I have only been on one so far, a field school dig and internship that got me le certificate) was on the property of a house constructed between 1800 and 1810. Boss had to teach us what to do if we found any native american artifacts which was basically stop everything immediately, contact the local rep for either the organization you work for or something super similar to it, and essentially the dig would be over.

Also I really wanted to be a museum curator too! I've had to accept over the past few years that chronic illness means I'll never be able to hold a typical job, but I still love love love it. I was going to get a PhD in mineralogy and specialize in that kind if curation, but now sinking all that time and money when I will be unemployed sounds like a bad idea. Seeing someone else living my dream even if it isnt the same field and getting to hear about it is so heartwarming.

So sorry for rambling so much I just have many thoughts

Navy! It’s wonderful to finally meet with you. Hello! I’m so happy that you’re here! Welcome to Green Hills, your home away from home.❤️✨

I’m very happy that you’ve found my anthropology/archaeology posts enjoyable to read. Sometimes there’s rambling, other times it’s a clash between science and game characters. It’s fun! Archaeology is very (and this is me being polite) romanticized through vast forms of media. And because it’s very romanticized it gets a bit complicated to do my job. I am, however, very appreciative of those that ask questions about what we do—they want to know. I encourage curiosity.

Oooo! The dig that you’ve been on sounds very exciting! It’s interesting to hear that Indigenous artefacts were uncovered at the household. My curiosity is at an all time high. Fortunately for me and my team, we work under NAGPRA (Native American Graves Protection & Repatriation Act). We honor requests and always make sure to have representatives of each community working with us. It’s fun work!

Unfortunately, I am not a curator. I do wish to be a curator one day. I’m both a researcher and collections assistant. When I’m not doing field work (my region of the USA calls them “dirt archaeologists”), I work side-by-side with many curators to manage collections. It’s like an assistant manager. My job requires me to understand customs, languages, ethics, it’s history, and much more on what collections I’m working on. This actually does not require a PhD, but it’s preferred. The work I do can be easily accomplished with an AA, AS, BA, BS, MA, and/or an MS. As long as you have a mentor that is thrilled to work with you, then it can be achieved. Traditionally, archaeological collections that require a curator require their managers to have a PhD. I’m noticing more and more that those traditions are changing, but it’s a good thing. It’s allowing new ideas and voices to come and share insight on what they do. I’m very fortunate to have worked with my mentors for as long as I have. They will always have a special place in my heart.

What I’m trying to say through my rambling is this: don’t lose hope. Your dreams are possible. I believe in you. If you are a United States citizen and interested in furthering your education, please don’t hesitate to reach out. Universities, colleges, and community colleges have tons of programs and resources that help students achieve their dreams. If you are interested in managing collections, I highly encourage reaching out to museums FIRST and then a learning institution. Some museums may even help you with schooling and give you the foundation needed before going to school. You may never know! And if you have questions, ask me! This is what I’m here for. I’m more than happy to supply guidance.

Never apologize for rambling about your passions. Never. I’m always happy to hear them. It was wonderful to meet you, I hope that you have a fantastic day!❤️✨

[asterythm]

I'm honestly a bit confused on the problem with making fandom related blm art (as long as its not tagged blm and provides links to supporting blm). Could you please explain?

please realize before you read any of this that i am speaking as an nbpoc person who has been mostly off tumblr for the past few days, with the exception of occasional nighttime reblog sprees after my productivity blocker extension times out. i have been doing my absolute best to educate myself as well as possible so as to be the best ally i can be, but i am nevertheless imperfect and i very well may say something wrong. above all, please keep in mind that the voices that really need to be heard and raised up right now are the voices belonging to our bipoc friends, not my own.

also, i’m real tired -- im not saying this to seek pity or make this conversation about myself, just to ask you to forgive any spelling errors/grammar errors/run-on sentences. thanks. ill also definitely be putting a tl;dr at the end, because I can already tell this post is gonna get longggg.

that said, i appreciate that you’re actively seeking to learn, so i'll do my best to explain what i've gleaned based on what bipoc fanders have been saying. for starters, @/hazelmagix put one major issue very succinctly in her post on the matter (tw for swearing, but this is really the Big One):

in addition to the above Big Issue (ie. needing to bring Real Experiences That Real People Are Facing down to the same level as works of fiction), i believe that one of the specific issues that the tss fandom is facing right now came about after @/bleepblopbloop56 drew a lovely piece of art involving a black, trans roman that originally (to the best of my knowledge) had nothing to do with blm. if you’re a part of the fandom and you’ve been on tumblr at all these past few days, you’ve likely seen the results of that, but i don’t know how many people are aware of the full story right now so just bear with me here:

what happened was that some people outside the fandom (mostly bipoc!!!) came across the piece and voiced their discomfort about it (some kindly, but many not-so-kindly), presumably because they thought that the artist was drawing Real Person Thomas Sanders as black, as opposed to a fictional character who is often portrayed in all manner of diverse interpretations. eventually, it got to the point where the artist felt pressured to take their piece down. 

(for clarification, i don’t think it’s ever okay to harass creators to that point, but that’s a whole ‘nother matter entirely. the point is, it was mostly people outside the fandom.)

anyway, the situation ended up sparking outrage after someone else made a post pointing the issue out under the assumption that the attacks had stemmed from racism and transphobia within the fandom (not true). in response, people (predominantly white people, if i’m not mistaken) began to draw art of black trans roman. which would be great on its own, except it didn’t take long for folks to start attaching it to the black lives matter movement. which was less great (see above screenshot). the least great part of all is that so much of it stemmed from spite at the people who had originally been voicing their discomfort about the art -- the same people, mind you, who are not a part of the fandom at all.

not only was this effort misdirected, it was also hurtful because people (again, majorly white) were now using black skin tone and even the blm movement itself as a form of spite. the focus was not on explaining the situation to the original poc outside the fandom -- it was on using art and fandom to appear “woke”, and in the process, ignoring the black voices who were saying they were uncomfortable. and i want to make it explicitly clear that i’m not accusing those who have been drawing bipoc sides of having bad intentions; just that almost all of it has been extremely performative. in using blm for fanart in this way, fanders are taking a real-world issue and turning it into a tool to further our own fandom issue, and that is absolutely not okay. and even when it’s not being utilized for discourse, it can still be extremely insensitive to put real-world struggles side by side with fiction.

my original post about adding resources to fanart was never meant to imply that adding links automatically makes it okay, either. again, i haven’t been on tumblr often and so i had no idea what actual bipoc fanders’ stance on the issue was, and i didn’t want to speak over anyone. what i was trying to say was that if the fandom is going to be so keen on pushing blm, the absolute least that we can do is to actually take the time to educate ourselves on the movement and contribute in other ways as well -- such as signing petitions, donating, et cetera. otherwise, not only is the content performative and potentially hurtful, it’s just plain meaningless.

tl;dr -- 

black lives matter is not a trend for white and nbpoc people to take advantage of so that they can appear “woke”. 

putting fictional fandoms side by side with real life can display an unwillingness to acknowledge the real-world impacts of current events unless presented in a way that specifically appeals to you.

above all, listen to black voices.

(oh, and also: in the interest of raising up bipoc fanders, some wonderful blogs to start with might be @skyscrapersanddandelions, @mxnte​​, @lamp-calm-sanders, and @aleiimm​. however, do not go asking these lovely folks to explain something to you/to provide you further resources. it is not their responsibility to personally educate you. i’m only linking them so that you may support them and -- i really can’t say this enough -- listen to what they have to say.)

[missmorosis]

here’s our bus route map for my bus ride! (masterlist!)

here’s the original event post :)

HI EVERYONE!! i just wanted to thank you all for your participation BECAUSE AAAAAA YOU GUYS DELIVERED AND UGH I WAS LITERALLY SO WORRIED NOBODY WAS GONNA WRITE ANYTHING BUTSJFLKFASDF

ALL OF YOU ARE SO TALENTED OKAY??? LIKE BYE I WAS BLOWN AWAY

I WAS SO EXCITED FOR THIS EVENT HEHEHE I LOVE ALL OF YOU SO SO MUCH!! AND THE FACT THAT YOU SPENT TIME ON THIS EVENT 😭😭MWAH MWAHH

THANK YOU AGAIN FOR 400!! MUCH LOVE AND HUGS AND KISSES :D

ALSO SORRY AHHA THIS WAS POSTED SO LATE

WE IGNORE HOW IT’S PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO GET FROM LA TO LONDON VIA BUS JKDFJKFJK

here’s how i formatted it!

title- author’s @!

pairing genre warnings word count their summary that they made

-> my review!

let’s take a look at our map...

starting from LA, heading to bilbao! we’ll stop along the bus stops on our way! 

and yes im aware that the route is going in a weird, illogical way if bilbao is our last stop, shush i wasnt thinking when i made bilbao our last city KJDFJKS

masterlist under the cut!!

now arriving at... los angeles, California!

-> write an AU!! the AU can be literally anything: royalty AU? road trip AU? GO FOR IT!! just as long as it’s not in the canon era hehehe

first stop... “something only the stars know” - @luvoratomi​ 

pairing: suna rintarou x gn!reader genre: secret relationship au, royal au, crown prince!suna, knight!reader, established relationship, fluff, angst  word count: 544 their summary: in which you and crown prince, suna rintarou, find comfort in each other’s arms underneath the moonlight, where only the stars are witnesses of your love.

-> my review: um. nayru. OKAY IM CONSTANTLY BLOWN AWAY BY YOUR TALENT AND THIS IS NO EXCEPTION. i dont even KNOW who rintarou is but im in love with him. ALSO I DONT THINK IVE EVER READ A ROYAL AU BUT KLASDFJ THIS WAS SO?? WELL?? WRITTEN?? ive reread it at LEAST 5 times.   

next stop... an untitled zombie au from @eunoianthia

pairing: yamaguchi tadashi x female!reader genre: zombie au, angst :) warnings: a lot of angst, death, a bit of gore? word count: 1.1k their summary: going to Los Angeles was a dream, and you were finally achieving it. It’s like a dream come true, going to Los Angeles and your boyfriend tagging along? What could go wrong?

-> my review: OKAY WAIT THIS IS THE FIRST ZOMBIE AU IVE EVER READ. like EVER. AND WHAT I DIDNT EXPECT IT TO HURT THIS MUCH. i- the ending- PLEASE I- i dont even know what to say. how COULD YOU.

now arriving at... 3:38 am from @arquitecturadelanada​​

pairing: zuko x fem!reader genre: roommates au, i would say fluff! warnings: none! word count: 1.1k their summary: As sokka’s best man zuko has to write a heartfelt speech for the wedding day, the only issue? he doesn’t believe in love, but maybe his roommate can change his perception on the matter.

-> my review: so youre saying this whole time youve been supporting my writing when YOU WRITE BETTER THAN I DO?? ugh you’re so talented this isn’t funny, and this fic ALMOST MAKES ME WANT TO BECOME AN ATLA BLOG AGAIN BAHHA- “he noticed he was considerably less stressed just by hearing his roommate’s voice” IM GONNA CRY​​

last stop... “what are the odds” from @hikariakaashi​ 

pairing: kuroo x fem!reader genre: roommates au, i would say fluff! warnings: none! word count: 3.2k their summary: it was an act of desperation, to say the least, downloading the app lev recommended for him. but he was in dire need of a wedding date. so when kuroo opened up the brightly colored app titled rent a girlfriend, he knew he was in for an interesting evening.

-> my review: so uh 1) i remember writing a review for this and i have no idea where it went IM SO SORRY DSKJFJ and 2) i would do anything for kuroo to be my bf even if it was just my job 😩😩 and 3) um ??? YOURE SO TALENTED?? MISS MA’AM??

now arriving at... london, england!

-> breakup fic time </3 you can make it an angsty breakup, or a fluffy exes to lovers!

first stop... “i love(d) you”- @floralkawa​

pairing: tsukishima x reader! genre: angst! warnings: none! word count: 300 their summary: one where tsukishima never showed his love. making it onesided, leading poor f/n on in a bitter relationship. of course, no one can handle it forever, can they ?

-> my review: this is the reason why i dont like angst. i felt this IN MY HEART, OKAY? NOELLE YOU LIED & SAID YOU COULDN’T WRITE FEELINGS. i hate it I HATE IT I HATE IT. but ugh youre talented enough to pull anything off and your angst is PROBABLY the only ones ill read willingly :( 

next stop... “i should have seen the signs”- @kirishimas-manly-eyeliner

pairing: oikawa x reader! genre: angst! warnings: none! word count: 2k their summary: going to the city of love and london was supposed to be an exhilarating vacation after a long week of exams. as it seems, love is fake and so is toru oikawa.

-> my review: um. this kinda hurted me tho. how am i even allowed to be friends with you like ?? miss ma’am? YOURE SO TALENTED??? i hate angst and ill say it again: I HATE ANGST. IT HURTS IT HUUUURRTSS. OIKAWA MY BABY WOULD NEVER DO THAT BUT HE DID. I CANSTEALK I CANT DEAL WITH THIS 

now arriving at... berlin, germany!

first stop... “Spring Chills”- @wesokkasimp

pairing: oikawa x reader! genre: fluff! warnings: none! word count: 447 their summary: you and Oikawa go for a walk on a chilly spring day. beware: banter ahead

-> my review: 😐😑😐 my heart wasn’t prepared for this. AND!! I BET Y/N LOOKED GREAT IN THAT TANK TOP; OIKAWA BETTER HAVE GIVEN HIS JACKET TO HER AFTERWARDS. jacket + tank top = cute outfit smh

next up... “warm and fuzzy”- @oikawaplssteponme​

pairing: kuroo x reader! genre:  fluff, a hint of angst, childhood friends to lovers, ‘boy next door’ warnings: one swear word, kuroo calls the reader ‘pretty’ however no gender pronouns are used, mini make out word count: 1.4k their summary: n/a but a quote: "The lights in your room were dim. Their golden-yellow tone shone above you, though you paid little attention to what was going on inside your room. You were much more interested in what was happening outside.”

-> my review: wait this actually reminds me of me and my front door neighbor GOODBYE AKLSJDF I MISS HIM :( ANYWAYS BAHHAHA- see you never miss 😐 i think awkward tetsu is underrated BYEALKSF THIS WAS SO CUTE I CANTASEKL

last stop... “ice cold”- @kyotarou​

pairing: tsukishima x reader genre:  fluff! warnings: bit of fanon tsukki, mutual pining, smidge of angst, fluff word count: 700+ their summary: n/a but a quote: “Asshole was the best word to describe Tsukishima Kei. He was an asshole to his peers, and it didn’t change towards you, his best friend.”

-> my review: mY TSUKISHIMA HEART OMG- okay OKAY I THOUGHT I GREW OUT OF MY LOVE FOR HIM BUT ITS ALL COMING BACK ASLKJFDL- oh to share a jacket and be vulnerable with tsukishima ✋😩 once again bestie youre so talented it isnt funny

now arriving at... bilbao, spain!

our only stop in this city... "break-in”- @kohi-zeri​​

pairing: iwazumi x reader! genre:  fluff!! warnings: mentions of food and common illnesses, use of “darling” and “brat” word count: 1.4k their summary: n/a but a quote: “there’s something so… infuriating about having a migraine. especially when it’s uncalled for.”

-> my review: i cant express to you how much i love sickfics. like JLSDFLJKFSALJ SADFL I CANT- ALSO I READ THIS FOR THE FIRST TIME WHEN I HAD THE WORST HEADACHE SO WHENEVER MY HEAD HURTS I COME REREAD THIS BAHAHHA-

here’s what some of our passengers are saying...

one passenger says “Wait. Stand right there, I want to take a picture of you.”

“pretty petals, pretty pictures”- @shxyo-sho​​​

pairing: iwazumi x reader! genre: fluff, mutual pining, just two best friends crushing on each other warnings: none! word count: 590 their summary: If you could describe your best friend, Kiyoko, in one word; what would it be? I would pick the word, flawless.

-> my review: repeat after me: kiyoko is a queen. and YOU DO HER JUSTICE I ASFDLKJ PLEASE- in all honesty i would be blushing if kiyoko said a word to me too- y/n you arent alone ✋😩

another passenger asks “Why aren’t you asleep?”

"night owl”- @atlabeth​​​​

pairing: sokka x reader! genre: fluff! warnings: stress over school and one (1) curse, but other than that it’s pure fluff word count: 907 their summary: If you could describe your best friend, Kiyoko, in one word; what would it be? I would pick the word, flawless.

-> my review: alright this isnt fair where is my irl sokka 😐 YOURE BRINGING ME BACK INTO MY ATLA DAYSDF LKSJA- not complaining tho I LOVE SOKKA SO MUCH. and “But for a “fairly smart person”, you made a lot of bad decisions.” THATS TOO RELATABLE STOP IT RIGHT NOW SFKDJK

HEHEHEHEH THANK YOU AGAIN!! SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG GOOD BYE

[izukukuzi]

you know, i respect people who want bkg to be redemmed bc we all have our own opinions and stuff. but to me??? i want him OUT of the narrative, nothing he will ever do (just looking at what we have till now, almost 300 chaps) will be enough,nothing will happen so yeah, to me he is iredemable. is it me selfprojecting years of cruelty i had to deal with with bothableism and racism? maybe but in a word qith quirks where people can be pink red or black with no problem

(2/4) what sets you aside is your quirk. or lack of it since without it you aint even a person, and bakugou spent 10 years and MORE ruining the equivalent of a disabled child while showing how privileged he was, he is rich, has a powerful quirk, can hurt anyone and get away with it, he has both parents, he is everything izuku isnt AND yet we have to sympathize with him rather than the victim??? i dont get it.i know a lot of people want him to be redeemed but i dont understand why he has to become friends

(3/4) like if someone told me be friends with the person who ruined your youth and selfworth and just straight up made your life hell im just gonna be really, astonished and he didnt get better, it is just the narrative accommodating him, because he is like pretty much the same as the start. and something that i dont get is why people try justifying him while hating mineta,they are the same age so lets just admit that yall care about appearence rather than actual characters and flaws

(4/4) sorry i ranted dhf hdbhjcsd but like. im just tired and your inbox is one of the few places that make me feel understood ?? ;-; sorry, and love u!!! have a nice day honey bee

first, I want to address your last point, nonnie. neveeeeeer apologize for sharing your thoughts with me!!! to be honest, I became more vocal about my feelings towards bakugou because I imagined that others felt that way too, or similarly enough, and I wanted to make space for us all to comfortably talk about it. the fact that that’s working, even for one person at all, makes me feel good!!! so no apologies, and no worries babes (and I love you toooooooooo!!)

now, onward to the stuff:

you bring up a lot of points that i probably don’t have all the depth to explore in their entirety, but yes to all that ^^^^^

as you mentioned at the start, there are variations in opinions, which is how things work. the beauty of it is that everyone can take what they want out of the show/character(s) and every interpretation (within reason hdebfdbnjd) is valid. soooooooo if you’re someone who has dealt with real life discrimination of some sort (like racism, ableism, sexism, along with the other -isms) I think it’s beyond fair to not only identify with izuku, but to raise issue with bakugou and his actions. I mean, even if you haven’t felt those struggles, seeing and then calling out a character’s shitty behavior is not... a bad thing?? even for bakugou, even at the start of his “redemption.” being wary of his growth makes sense, especially when it took us over two-hundred chapters to get where we are currently.

that then leads me into the responses to the responses to bakugou dbedhd I haven’t really had the chance to speak to many people who are put off by my stance on bk, but I can sort of guess that some people grow defensive on his behalf because 1) they feel the need to justify the fact that they like him, or 2) they identify with him, maybe in a way that I, or you nonnie, identify with izuku, so they take criticism geared towards him as something personal (and as I said, this is me guessing. I don’t know shit about shit so please no one take offense or anything). and you know, when thinking about that, I believe:

you don’t have to justify liking a character, even when they’re “bad.” I know there’s lots of shiggy stans around and I would never ask any of them to justify enjoying his character (though I will continuously joke on yall for calling him attractive lmao). people criticize shig’s actions and how he operates in the plot, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still like him. the same goes for bakugou

me, in this case, disliking a character that you see parts of yourself in does not mean I have any ill feelings towards you as a person. for example, I love izuku! I think I was in the tags of someone else’s post early this morning talking about how I connect with him as a black person and how I love his storyline because parts of it make me feel seen. so like, all that in mind, there’s a decent amount of people, both in and out of the fandom, who haaaaaaaaaaate izuku. there’s a number of reasons why, and while I don’t agree with that stance, obviously, I know that people’s feelings about him do not also reflect onto me as a person because their perception of him has nothing to do with me. the same line of reasoning can, and probably should, be applied to bakugou. 

and so with all of that being said... that’s what I think is (part of) what’s going on. now, as someone who doesn’t care for his character, and being shit-talked for not caring too much for his character, I am still frustrated by it. plenty of people have already talked about the importance of holding bk accountable, and it’s okay if we get that in canon and it 1) changes how you feel about bk (because honestly, that’s what I want. I want to see him do good enough by izu and his past mistakes to like him... or tolerate him better duebndnwd), 2) it doesn’t change how you feel, or 3) it makes you dislike him more. all of these are valid reactions. what I do hope for is that people are understanding of how others feel, regardless of how it shoves against your own/the fandom’s general opinion, because they’re allowed to feel differently. 

people are allowed to problematize problematic behavior, they’re allowed to enjoy a character despite said problematic beahvior, and these things can (and should) coexist.   

okay but all this bullshit is basically me saying you’re valid anon and anti-bakugou fans/bakugou haters/whatever deserve more rights eubfudwnjndjw

[la5t-res0rt]

i was just sent a post from the blog who must not be named it was a post reblogged from someone who ive added to my list of really bad people but one of the things that struck me was a tag i saw in the post

antis seek therapy

we do

we do seek therapy often to combat the trauma some of us have endured through being groomed and being abused we spend time on ourselves to heal we find ways to cope and enjoy life again after it feels like parts of ourselves have been ripped from us and broken and tainted and violated

we work to be comfortable again we work to feel like ourselves again we find things we love again we allow ourselves to enjoy media again

we are taught to stand up for our own levels of comfort and to take control of the space around us we are taught mechanisms to move forward and we are encouraged to help others and support others at least thats what my therapist of multiple decades told me

we all seek shelter in our own ways and many people seek it in media its literally what so many beetlebabes shippers claim to be doing like they’re quote reclaiming some lost childhood thing unquote and yeah i think youre going about it in a terrible way that continues the cycle of pedophila and is normalizing it but thats not even what this is about right now this is about the blatant disrespect and inability to open your eyes to someone elses experience and story

so many antis are so uncomfortable with the content created by beetlebabe shippers myself included since its so similar to the material used to character veil up abuse me character veil down

we try to curate our spaces for that we say beetlebabes dni dont reblog dont put yourself in this space im making for myself but then people come in and call it gatekeeping and try to illustrate how someone is a bad person for not wanting exposure so pedophilic content like its absolutely baffling to me that people can state such a clear and simple rule and then people will whine and moan about it as if its oppression newsflash its not fucking oppression you whining slime mold being asked to not interact on the ground of pedophilia isnt fucking oppression read a book go outside and learn something anyway

people are entitled to have control over the space in which they occupy people have the control to remove people from their spaces its like ok weird metaphor but this whole ordeal with wearing masks in public spaces yes you may have the right to refuse to wear a mask and you have the right technically to harass service industry workers but the businesses that employ these workers also have the full right to not allow you in and to even remove you from the property free speech also comes with consequences this is such a simple principle like talk shit get hit metaphorically is basically the same principle

coming into someones space after they specified that that your content is something that makes them uncomfortable makes you a major asshole and also makes me think youre dumb and maybe cant read

all of that is bad enough

but to continuously berate someone and belittle their very real trauma all in the sake of you wanting to ship and post pedophilia is simply abhorrent it is truly vile behavior to come back multiple times is truly a disdainful act in my eyes and im sure im not the first person to feel this way

if youre close to people in the field of psychiatric medicine you should know better than to belittle someones trauma and as a csa survivor yourself you should have the compassion to respect someones boundaries

have you discussed this behavior with this psychiatrist husband of yours not the pedophilic stuff but this blatant disrespect and dismissal of someone elses trauma and the growth theyve achieved thanks to their therapy and counseling have you addressed this narcissistic holier than thou approach you have to discussing such serious issues with people because thats something that should be addressed along with your acceptance and tolerance and even romanticization of pedophilia in media

this is harassment and gaslighting in action folks nether receipts I hope youre taking notes because you clearly dont know what either term means and the fact that youve gone out of your way to promote this abusive behavior is yet another reason why people dislike you i can’t tag you because youve finally taken the hint and blocked me so I see no point but you know who you are also people don’t hate you because youre a woman they hate you because youre a pedophile anyway this isnt about you

back to the person im actually addressing

trauma is not an experience that is easy to read and apply to every person you yourself sourced years of trying to deal with what you went through who are you to dictate how long someone can feel pain for what theyve gone through who are you exactly to say whether or not if has been too long of a time for someones trauma to effect them you of all people should know that this shit doesnt go away it lingers and it grips you forever it doesnt matter if you’ve been apart from it for ten days or ten years

in one sentence you belittled a person for still being effected by their trauma and then in the next stated that the battle is life long which is it which statement do you actually beleive because it seems to me you only seem to care about your own horrible self without taking this other person into account at all because their response to their trauma was to break the cycle and work to make his space safer for himself and i beleive that takes more courage and more strength to actively oppose what hurt you rather than let it become how you cope and it becomes something you reintroduce into the cycle by keeping the its all okay attitude alive

i do not usually do direct posts its not exactly my style but i am so disgusted by what i have seen and what has been shared with me that it would be a disservice to not alert as many people as i can about your behavior

for a closing statement i will quote you

quote i hope you find your way to it instead of wasting all of your time being afraid of pictures and words on a screen, and picking fights with people who harm nobody unquote

what the fuck so you think youre doing by coming back over and over to belittle trauma denounce treatment and all around be unpleasant and high and mighty thats fucking harming people you narcissistic fool

im sorry you were hurt that fucking sucks but that doesnt give your the right for one fucking second to come into someones space where it was specified that you were not allowed and proceed to harass them and belittle them like you have done

@soeur-tiame you should be ashamed of yourself

dont bother responding as ive shown before with that transmed guy i dont like to waste any more of my time on filth than i need to

[chatxkilluaxnoir]

I Finally Finished My TAU’s 6th Year Tauathon Fic, Yay!  I’m So Tired Now.  I’m Gonna Take A Break now, after...

I finish proofreading and editing that fic I have been working on for the Transcendence Zine here on tumblr.  I hope they are still taking it, I have been working on it periodically while also writing at the Tauathon fic that I have been working on at the same time.  

And funnily enough, I actually got that tauathon fic done first.  To be fair, my tauathon fic was shorter.  It is over 8, 000 words which isn't short, but it still shorter than that other fic I have been working on for the zine.  Which I hope isn't too long for a zine.  I haven't really participated in a zine before this.  I haven't done or/& bought much zine stuff before this.  

In my free time, I am for sure gonna be participating in more zines like this, not for just Gravity Falls and TAU, but other fandoms I’m in like HxH/Hunter x Hunter and Undertale to name some (some other favorite things of mine).  I'm also gonna be starting to buy some more zines, probably physical, because I prefer I that.  Will try being the key word, because of money, but I really want to do that.  

But yeah, I haven’t really entered a zine before, so I hope my fic isn't too long for it, and that they are still taking entries.  I told them I was entering, but I don't know.  I have been busy writing posts, comments, replies, and most importantly fics lately that I haven't really been using tumblr and etc. a lot lately.  Including going on the TAU zine’s tumblr.  

Mainly in order to not get distracted and get those things done.  Including the 2 TAU fics I have been working on.  One for the Tauathon and one for the TAU zine.  I really wanted to get those 2 fics done before going on tumblr more.  And with one of the done (tauathon one), and the other in major editing/proofreading stage (the TAU zine), I have a bit more time to post and do stuff on tumblr and other places.  Not much since I have a lot of posts, comments, replies, and etc. to get done, some I have delated too long, eiter out of shyness or being busy that I need to get done as well.  And the TAU zine fic that needs finishing and polishing.  

The funny thing is that I started that fic before the tauathon zine by quite a bit.  But with actually knowing the (kinda) due date of the tauathon fic unlike the zine one (at least last time I checked.  Which has been a bit.  Crossing my fingers' that my fic isnt too long, and too late to enter into it.  I have worked just as hard if not harder on that zine fic as the tauathon one.  Which is a lot), and haven't had finished and posted it yet a few days or so that date (Oct. 5th), pushed me to get it done quicker and first.  Even though I started it second.  

Though, It is also taking me longer to do the zine fic, because it is longer (not by a lot, but it still is), somehow even more complicated (I will admit, both these fics are a bit convoluted.  I like my complex stuff.  Even though I'm also super insecure if my writing is good enough to handle want to do and write.  Its fricken great.), and needs a lot of proof reading and editing to do.  

Something that usually takes me just as long as writing the actual fic, if not longer.  Since I’m the type of person who just plans and writes in rushes, then edits an grammar, better flow, person and pov, and etc. stuff later on.  And the zine fic has a lot more weird, different formatting, povs and 1st/2nd/and/or 3rd person stuff than the tauathon, and all of those things some of the things Im most worried about getting right, consistent, or at least making sense (and being as as readable and well-written as possible).  

Honestly, I would probably post more fics, if wasn't for me thinking that I really need to work on those things (as well as sometimes getting too wordy, a bit convoluted, and expositiony/explanationy with stuff.  I need to be/do better with that.  Need to also work on being even more natural, and also not hurting my readers brains too much or confusing them), and being more nervous about posting stuff partially because of that.  

Really, I would have gotten a beta for both my fics, because I would really love the help.  But the tauathon fic I just really wanted to get posted for the tauathon, and the fic for the zine, I didn't know if was allowed to let other people look it, even for beta’ing, so yeah.  Plus, I didn't really know how to get a beta, at least not as quick as would like for these fics.  

Anyways, maybe I should finally check out the TAU discord(s) in general, but also for getting some help and betas, because I would love such things.  Also, been meaning to check out TAU discord, but I haven't been able to really use discord for awhile.  But yeah, Im for sure gonna be checking it/them/TAU discord(s) out soon, because it will be great.  And just want to stuff on discord in general, its been awhile.  

Saying all this, Im happy I got the Tauathon fic done.  I have a post down below linking it to where I posted it on AO3 if anyone wants to read it.  I don’t if I shared that post and my story the right way.  I see a lot of people, both posting the fic and liking other places like AO3 or/& Wattpad.  But I didn't know if I should do that, or if my fic was too long to do that.  So I just shared my AO3 fic here.  If you think I should also post the whole fic here, and just link other places instead of (or maybe even as well) doing what I did, please tell me, I would love to know?  And it wouldn't even be just for that fic though, it will be for future ones as well.  

If you think I should do post the whole fic here and then link it, I will probably make another post then.  Probably wont delete the original post though, because that will probably be the easier way for people to just read on AO3, plus I like that post and tags I did for it.  Wish me luck on finishing that other TAU fic (for the zine) I have been working on, it is even longer and harder to do than my 1st one.  The idea, format, and concept itself is just for the most part my complex, then when you the other stuff, it is even trickier.  

I'm also gonna finally be checking out that TAU zine tumblr again to see if I'm not pass the due date.  I admit another reason I'm putting that off, is because I feel really nervous if am actually, since I have worked on the fic for it, and think its quite good.  This always happens when replying and checking out stuff for me, I sometimes get very nervous, then I feel bad because I sometimes take awhile to do such things, I have kept people waiting for awhile, which I'm definitely not doing on purpose, but I still do.  Though, stuff also takes me awhile, usually because it is long and want to be really good, but still.  

So yeah, I should take a break after finishing that fic, and posting something on AO3 for the 1st time, but Im not since I still have that other TAU fic to finish, which I am gonna finish, it has already been long enough.  Once I'm done with it though, I'm finally taking a break, because I am really tired.  This has taken a lot of energy out of me, esp. with my need to do always do stuff long and try to do it as good as possible at the time.  

Alright done posting for awhile, at least until I finish my other fic, and take a break.  Though, I might do some reblogs, likes, and etc. in the meantime while finishing up that fic.  Though, when I say no breaks and other stuff till I get that fic done, I will probably still read some fics, watch some videos, and make some other comments/replies, because I need more variety, and I need some breaks intermittently, even if not full-on ones, because I need some kind of small breaks.  

I will probably keep on writing that fic while doing most of those things, because I like to do things in long bursts, because if I don't it can be hard to finish stuff even if I want to, so yeah.  Anyways, see you everyone, this was a nice and like most of all my stuff long, talk!

[go-diane-winchester]

If you don't like Misha, this post might make you smirk.

I did this post yesterday and then deleted it because the OP made me feel sorry for her.  Luckily for me, someone reblogged it and my momentary stupidity is now remedied.  This whole scenario makes me smirk. 

Yesterday's post:

Doll face found @dean-supernatural-akf ranting in the main tags, including the Jensen tag, which is why she forwarded this biased drivel to me.  Thanks sweetie.  I scrolled though OPs blog, trying to figure this person out, because she ships wincest and destiel, apparently.  And she hates the haters.  It is convenient and dismissive to label those who don’t agree with you, don’t you think?  Label them rather than proving them wrong conclusively, because that would be difficult and you might lose the argument because of a lack of intelligence.  So call them names and be done with it.  Her rant is in italics, and my rebuttal in bold.

Rude and Missunderstood.

I CAN LIKE MISHA COLLINS AS AN HUMAN AND ACTOR WITHOUT BEING ONE OF HIS MINIONS.

Shocking right?

Here have a seat and lean back.

Very recently i got heavily missunderstood, and i’m making this post so it won’t happen again.

I asked someone if their blog is real . Because it was so full of hate against this actor named Misha Collins.

This guy right here, and I bet when you are one of the anti misha people then you even share the same look on your face right now, congrats.

Listen… I love JENSEN and i love JARED. And yes i love MISHA too.

But i don’t follow him around like a dog, i don’t kiss the ground where hes walking on.

AND i also don’t do this with J2.

Why is it that when there is an entire blog dedicated to hate for Jensen or Jared, there is no bleeding heart rant like this about that blogger?  But if you write a blog about all the mean things Misha and his fans do, you are a “horrible human being” with “toxicity and hate in your heart”.  No, I would prefer to call it discernment.  I wont like someone just because “it SPNFamily darn it, haters don’t belong”.  So if Misha gives me consistent reasons to hate him, I am still not allowed to hate him because I will be ejected from SPNFamily?  What is this?  A communist fanbase?  Nobody is allowed to have their own opinions?  Everybody must think the same way and feel the same fairytale happy feelings?  Which dandelion world did you pop up from?

I fight for all of them, i fight against the hate that all of those three get and Misha gets more hate then J2 and thats a fact.

Misha gets more hate?  Really?  You mean like death threats?  Like people tweeting him directly that they wish he was dead?  That kind of hate?  Please, show me where the hate is.  Bring me your receipts.  I want to see all the hate that Misha gets. 

And it’s so fucking unfair, i have seen blogs and people that wish that he would die, a man with two children and wife.

This is so sick and it’s so not okay.

Prove it.  Screenshot and show me where all these horrible people are.  I will put it in a post.  I always do.  The death threats and death wishes for J2 have been screenshotted and are on my blog.  So I have proof for my claims.  Bring the proof for your claims.  Its called making mature statements.  Quantifying your claims.  So please, set me straight.  Show me all the nastiness poor Misha gets.  I would like to see it. 

About the Misha minions, MISHA ISNT THE ONLY ONE WITH MINIONS.

Shocking again, right ?

From under which rock did you emerge?  Misha named his fans minions.  Very disrespectful.  No other actor has ’‘minions’’.  Benedict Cumberbatch didn’t like his fans referring to themselves as Cumberb*tches.  I respect him for that.  Misha did the opposite.   Shocking, right?

The people who only love J2 hate on Misha. And the people who love all of them hate back against the anti Misha people.

That is an incredibly simplistic way of putting it.  And it gives me the impression that this rant was written by someone who is young and idealistic in their notion of how the world works.  How come you don’t talk about the people who like Jensen and Misha and therefore hate Jared?  You cant.  You cant because that would be problematic to the narrative you are vomiting right now.  Those cockles perverts are the ones that tweet him, telling him that that they cant wait for him to die.  Receipts on my blog. 

The way you support J2 is the same way that Misha’s people support him.

Actually no, J2 fans don’t get angry when Misha is interviewed for Elle magazine, yelling “where’s J2”.  They don’t ask “Whose line is it,anyway?” why they excluded J2.  They don’t threaten to burn Misha alive in his house for being anti-destiel and/or making a joke about Jensen.  That happened with Jensen.  I have the receipts.  The same group were discussing kidnapping Jared’s kids.  That group was made up of 3500 people.  So many haters slipped up your radar?  Well, now you know. 

Minions and bitchy people are EVERYWHERE.

It is such a useless fight, don’t like someone?

THEN SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT.

Yeah, take a page out of your own book.  If you don’t like the “haters”, as you dismissively call them, then don’t put this incorrect, unsubstantiated, unquantifiable rant in the main tags.  In fact, keep your uninformed opinion to yourself. 

What you do when you hate someone so badly and make a whole tumblr Blog about it then you are not better as those highschool bullies.

Dealing with the entire subject of hate, in the most abstract manner, without any analysis into your darling actor’s bad behavior and without taking into account the nasty behavior of his fandom, shows that high school is all you know.  Hopefully, one day you will grow up and think on broader terms. 

Cyberbullying is a serious subject, and thats exactly what you do with Hate Blogs and Hate tweets and Hate comments.

Keep using the word “hate”.  It will abrogate all the legitimate anger that the J2 fans have against Misha and his hellerminions.  Hellers are the biggest cyberbullies in fandom.  They sent hate directly to J2.  Some of the things they write will shock a person who has a real disdain to hate, not a daffodil like you who thinks Misha is infallible and doesn’t deserve an anti tag.  One said that she couldn’t wait for Jared to die.  And she tweeted that directly to Jared, along with a praying emoji.  Oh, you don’t know about that?  Well, then I guess you are not an authority on who is SPNFamily and who is not, now are you? 

You want to be a bully ? You love spreading hate ?

THEN JUST FUCKING BLOCK ME AND DON’T REPLY TO THIS.

Don’t reply to this?  Then why put it in the main tags, as well as inappropriate tags, and still hope that nobody disagree with you.  Aren’t we childish? 

What happened after the post was put up:

She DM's me and says that she has since changed her mind because she did another post about the hate that J2 get, and if I could please remove my post, because she was suffering panic attacks over it.  I said I would, but she is going to remove the above misleading post and provide me with proof that Misha gets death threats.  Caught between a rock and a hard place, she said that she came across the death threats on two blogs, that had blocked her for some mysterious reason, which is why she couldn't screenshot the evidence.  I found what those reasons were, when I went to those blogs: 

@castiel-needs-2-go

@destiew-must-go

I searched through their blogs, and found nothing.  No death threats.  They just point out the truth about Misha.  That is it.  She accused them for nothing.  Of course, that didn't occur to me until today, because I still felt concerned for her because the poor kid was suffering panic attacks.  So I deleted the post.  Today I find this message from her:

''So i asked like 10 different people Misha stans and Misha haters about those things you said he did. Nobody has ever heard of it, no one. You are telling your lies man, i aint stopping ya. But you are a horrible person if you need to attack a 19 year old on the Internet and 'Call me out' just because it gives you a kick. And just because you disagreed. My post will stay deleted because it wasnt up to Date anymore, but it wont be my last one. People like you need to be stopped, people like you are the reason why this fandom sucks so hard. Bye Bye. You are the sick one here .''

The weird thing is she attached this gif:

I don't know whether she thought it was going to hurt my feelings or something but, it actually helps to show her true identity.  She is not a wincest fan.  She is a Sam-hating heller in disguise.  Who would have thunk it? 

[maythedreadwolftakeyou]

Fic Writer Meme! tagged by @aban-asaara, thank you!! a nice meme to self-indulgently wind down with after a stressful day...

What is your total word count on AO3?

160,546. I had forgotten all about the AO3 stats page until having to dig that out, oops. I have more short drabbles etc on tumblr as well (and a LOT of stuff I just... never finished/posted anywhere).

How often do you write?

varies hugely depending on what else is going on in my life. In good times, I aim for daily, at least 500 words. During years I participate in NaNoWriMo, 1500-2000 per day in November. Other times I just can’t make even 500 happen with work/etc. Still more other times, my depression kicks in and I’m pretty useless at everything, and unfortunately go months with no writing at all. 

Do you have a routine for writing?

I try to write in several short bursts. If doing 500/words/day, then two chunks of 250, and some editing/planning on top. If during NaNoWriMo, 4 chunks of about 500 words each. If I really push myself to get them done in sections, I spend less time fiddling around, but the break between them makes it still relaxing/fun.

I also have a computer/document setup that works very well for me. I write on a laptop that can scroll between several different ‘desktop’ screens. I have one for fun stuff, and set one aside for writing. The only browser window/tabs allowed to be open on that desktop are writing-related ones--research, youtube clips of scenes, wiki articles, etc. All other fun stuff goes on the other desktop where it can’t distract me while I get through a section. Then over the browser I have two word documents: one on the left titled “[StoryTitle.docx]”, and one next to it titled “[StoryTitleNotes.docx]”. On the left is the “final version” of what I’m working on--aka the working document, with the most current edits/chapters/etc. The right “Notes” one is for outlines, summaries, lines I had to delete but might want to use somewhere else, passages I haven’t gotten to yet but wanted to sketch out before I lost the inspiration for them, quotes that I want to echo the feel of, copied dialogue from the game so I don’t forget it, etc etc. Anything related to the story in the working document that I might want to reference. The notes doc can be fairly messy--my level of organization for it changes from project to project. But it makes it WAY easier for me mentally to delete and tweak things when I can put them somewhere else just in case it turns out the first way was better. 

What are your favorite kinks/tropes/pairing?

Ohh... my pairings are pretty obvious, I’m really into Lavellan/Solas, Hawke/Fenris, and Shepard/Garrus. 

But what I’m really into is Hawke/the concept of found family and also various coping mechanisms+mental health issues; Lavellan/the weight of duty above all else, Shepard/the giddy knowledge that you won’t survive what you have to turn yourself into in order to save everything you love, Ryder+Sam/breaking the boundaries of what it means to be a single conscious entity...  

my big literary kinks are pretty much any narrative that has to do with one or more of the following: self-sacrifice, the transcendence of humanity in pursuit of a goal, the knowledge of the futility of one’s actions, the duality of self plus other, the terrifying and terrible beauty of rage, stubborn and violent perseverance in the face of insurmountable odds, the frailty of people who nonetheless fool everyone into believing they’re not broken. I am also a very big fan of nontraditional formats, and the meta-narrative of a story over usual structure. 

tl;dr: I like my fiction weird. 

Like... I recognize that most of my fics. Do not include a majority of these. And the ones that do aren’t really very popular. The one that gets closest to these concepts is probably the people you love become ghosts inside of you, and like this, you keep them alive which very few people read and got almost no attention. But I knew that when I posted it. I wrote it for me, after finishing the ME trilogy for the first time. The above tropes show up way more in my original writing, while I use fanfiction as a break from these more complicated/heavier themes, and to just have some fun with less technical writing. They’re there, just in smaller doses.

Fics with that sort of bend are WAY harder to search for than ones based on pairings though so like... if you have recs for anything that follows the above themes. please send them to me. i’m dying. please. 

Do you have a favorite fic of yours?

How can I not answer this with Fallout from the Fade? It’s my baby. It’s the longest thing I’ve consistently written, without getting bored and abandoning it halfway through. It will probably take me a while yet (depending on mental health/writing pace/etc) to finish but I know how it ends, and most of how to get there. It’s also the third fanfiction I had ever started writing. The beginning feels rough to me when I go back to it (which an inevitable fact of my decision to post as I write/not use beta readers, which I still think was the only way for me to do this story), but I still think a lot of my ideas were clever and my execution may not have been perfect but it was pretty good. I’ve learned a lot while writing this fic.

And also I love to make people suffer. Knowing that people have shed literal tears because of things i have written fills me with the delightful glee to push forward. 

But really. Comments mean the world to me. They spur me on through rough patches where I otherwise abandon works. I’m really not used to having an audience: most of what I’ve written in my life is original content that I don’t post/share. Having other people also invested makes me feel accountable, in a good way. 

Other honorable mentions: I think Grief is one of my best fics in terms of execution and balance. Less a man than a wild cat and A Slip of the Tongue were both exercises in pacing/timing as well as forays into the highly unfamiliar territory of comedy. The aforementioned the people you love become ghosts inside of you, and like this, you keep them alive satisfies my eternal desire for weird presentation and ideology taking a front seat over narrative structure (I have like. 4 other partial fics similar to this that will probably never be posted because I know they’re what I want to explore, not what other people actually want to read).

Your fic with the most kudos?

Fallout from the Fade, with 626.

Anything you don’t like about your writing?

I wish I was more consistent about sitting down and working. I managed it for 6 straight months when I started the fanfic gig, but to be fair, during that time I also had no friends and spent 5 days every other week camped out in Death Valley with no internet and nothing to do but write and brainstorm. Having the barest scrapings of a social life now that I’ve moved doesn’t do much for wordcount, it turns out.

Now something you do like?

I think I can write about mental illness realistically without it coming across as either overdramatic or idealistic. I like my descriptions, when I allow myself to use them (y’all don’t want to see how flowery most of my works would be without my self control). I have visibly improved since I started writing in 2015. 

i feel like a lot of my original circle on tumblr isnt active/writing anymore but gonna tag some people w/ no obligation… @leviathanmirror  @seekingidlewild @littleblue-eyedbird @loquaciousquark @kayla-bird and anyone else who wants to answer!! feel free to tag me if you do it, im lonely... 

[pensurfing]

Caitlin’s Three Things List

Okay, so moments (probably hours by the time I finish this) ago I wrote a goals list that I think is good for self-evaluation. (Keyword: This is what I think. results may vary depending on what you’re looking for.)

I’m going to hop to it and answer some of these that I laid out in hopes of having a better idea of what I want to accomplish. 

The Three Things Lists!

1) Three things that went well this year.

* Audience growth

So once upon a time, I grew a pretty decent following due to creating an Inktober Prompt list. My expectations: Maybe two of my friends would do this, maybe. And then one stranger that has followed me for a while. (There are a few followers I recognize their username because if I post something they always like it and for some reason that keeps me going.)

But because of this prompt, I was exposed to MANY new creators and illustrators that I now enjoy chatting with and following! Instagram had the biggest maintained growth. I’m excited to create for an audience that actually expects me to create and not just for friends who see my things “whenever they aren’t busy”. (Not to bash them or anything, just there are a lot where unless I tell them, they don’t see the posts I make.)

Another surge of growth in my audience was due to tabling at conventions this year. I was terrified to show my work let alone attempt to sell it to someone. Tabling at cons not only boosted my confidence but also quieted one of my ever going demons. “YoU sUcK aT dRaWiNg CaItLiN.” “How do you have a degree? oh right, you just barely passed.” I can’t say this is the case, there is an audience that genuinely enjoys my scribbles. So I am forever thankful to Atlanta Comic Con for giving me that chance. It honestly opened a few doors for me.

**Process

I’ve gotten more comfortable with showing my process. It can be messy, crisp, and illogical. But turns out the people who enjoy my content enjoy my scrambled thoughts. It’s something about not being alone in this sort of sense that calms the nerves.

So I can say with chest poked out that sharing process has gotten MUCH better. I can thank a self-help book I bought this year that was a FANTASTIC BUY. Austin Kleon has [two] (currently? If he has more then I’m buying it like people buy a name brand.) books that helped me see that it is GREAT to share not only the process but advice. “Show Your Work” is the book I’m talking about for now. Great tips, the outline is on the back of the book. So if you’re like me, I need to clearly see what I might be getting into, you might have a ball.

And finally, (not calling myself out on this but other) If you’re going to respond to people when they ask you “how do you___?” do not answer “Google it”. That is the rudest thing I’ve seen some of even my FAVORITE illustrators do; that response can burn in hell. PERIODT. (my one typo allowed.)

*** Art Style Exploration

For those who think college will help you establish an art style that you’ll enjoy or help nourish the one you currently have.... Let me save you over 80K.... No, the fuck it won’t.

That was the biggest thought I had going into art school. If anything, it confused me more and utterly destroyed what little confidence I had in my drawing style. After graduating, I had a huge swing from how I used to draw to how my art currently looks. I stopped trying to please the one professor who stood between me and my degree and started drawing to please my tastes. And guess what? That did something. And that something WORKED. I love what I draw now; I see why I chose this as my career path. I’m genuinely happy with how my pieces turn out versus in college just wanting to turn the damn thing in and hoping it isn’t an F.

2) Three things you could have handled better.

* The loss of a good paying client.

Now hear me out when I say this: A good paying client DOES NOT EQUAL a good client. Say that three times and then exhale.

Back earlier this year, I had the opportunity to work with a writer who gave me hell and back. And even that is an understatement. I dealt with her because in school you were taught “if they pay on time, finish the work and get the exposure.” 

I’m here to tell you my lesson learned: A good paying client DOES NOT EQUAL good exposure, good pay, a good client. 

I was doing the work of three for the price of one and a half. (And was always told I charged too much.) She tried abusing this power with friends of mine, with other illustrators. When things turned out bad, she tried saying it was my fault. She read my contract and then tried telling me I changed the wording, I purposely did this thing, another thing was my fault. I could go on with this story.

The part that I wish I handled better?

How I treated myself afterward. I’m so used to people telling me, “Cait, this is what you do wrong. This is how you fix it.” that I don’t consider my own feelings, and when I bring my feelings into the scenario they no longer matter. Because they tell me they don’t matter. In this case, I wish I had treated me better, because my feelings, my mental health, DOES matter.

**My Patience Getting Into Conventions.

Pretty self-explanatory. I got into one, finished one, and wanted to do eight more in a week. But this sort of thing just takes time and I need to accept that.

***My losses

I had to listen to a Little Mix song to actually learn this one. The context of the song is nowhere near the topic at hand. But a verse from Power feat Stomzy really packs a punch after this year: 

“ You look him in the eye and say, "I know I'm not a guy But see there's power in my losses and there's power in my wins" “

I had to look one of my demons in the face, and state something similar. My loses mean I’m trying. My loses piling shows I’m not willing to give up easily, and that is something that took a while to be content with.

3) Three things artistically you want to improve on.

*Composition

It’s not awful, but it can be better.

**Color

I told this BOLDLY if I might add while critiquing someone else’s portfolio; “Your color palette is boring. All your [things] look as if they are from the same universe, during the same time of day, with the same kind of mood. After three photos it’s bland, boring, and understood you have a preference.” 

Can you say damn Cait? The statement was, in fact, true, but I certainly could not talk. My color palette is mainly bright, pop, and happy. In order to tell a story, I KNOW it is best told with color. And I failed myself this year. But I sure won’t next year.

***My Damn Tag

Okay, alright. Why is it well-established artists have their tag figured out? Even some who’s art style is so recognizable (I’m looking HEAVILY at you Gabriel Piccolo.) we know it’s theirs, seem to have a tag that suits them and works for them. But more importantly, they put it in A VERY DECENT SPOT. SOMEONE SHARE THIS SCIENCE WITH ME? CAUSE APPARENTLY I DON’T GET IT.

4) Three things you want to focus on trying.

*More backgrounds.

As much as it pains me, I need to improve on backgrounds and perspective. When I do make backgrounds, I’m told I make great pieces. That I should look into becoming a background artist. And don’t get me wrong, I like them. But I don’t like them.

I feel as though I need to improve in that region so that way I don’t feel as though it’s a weakness of mine. My backgrounds are nice, but they aren’t nice to my standards.

**More designs

I love character designs, but let’s be real. If you were to scroll down my site or my Instagram page, or even this Tumblr archive, could you tell? 

I draw characters a lot sure, but none are designs. No process, no sheets, no turnarounds, none of that. So that’s a huge goal of mine for 2019.

***Scheduling posting

At one point I was pretty good at this. Live stream in Instagram and Twitter, cool. Videos on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Cool. Everywhere gets a photo, everywhere gets a silly one-liner. Yay. I’m not leaving anything out.

Well by the end of this year that totally crumbled. 

SO I want to try getting better at that thing there. Because having attempted this at the end of the year was cool, but it still wasn’t enough apparently.

5) Three positive things to tell yourself.

* You are an inspiration. That’s all you wanted to be in life, you did it. I’m proud of you.

**You didn’t kill yourself like you tried to; you opened up about it for once and used that pint up anger creatively. That is very hard to do, trust. I’m proud of you.

***You moved on, matured, and let it go. Even when the goddess inside you told you these peasants didn’t deserve your light, your friendship, your greatness. I’m proud of you.

I’m just proud of me for not snapping when I had every right to; not everything deserves a reaction.

6) Three negative things you want to leave for 2018.

*Comparisons 

Oh boy. I am extremely guilty for this: I’ll compare myself to a well-known illustrator my age. I’ll compare myself to friends who are in the field having a blast and getting work; I’ll compare myself to friends who aren’t in the field and they struggle at getting work. I’ll compare myself to the kid I graduated high school with who is traveling the world, is able to eat, come home to his dog and relax because he doesn’t have tuition to pay. I’ll compare myself to these goddamn baby boomers who keep repeating “We didn’t have it hard, you’re just being stupid. Millennials aka our children deserve to starve. We’ll just put our faith in our grandchildren because screw the kids we raised and refuse to pay accordingly. $7 an hour worked in my day, they need to make it work now.” I’ll compare myself to fake people I created in my head and purposely made scenarios and wonder why I’m not like them, said creations I made because I was pretty low for ten minutes...

I just compare myself too much. To any damn body. It’s draining, obnoxious and most of all pointless. My new motto for next year is: “Unless it is helping you grow yourself, your brand, your spirituality, don’t do it.”

I’m not comparing my chapter two to someone’s chapter thirty-five. I’m not even comparing my chapter two to someone else’s chapter two. I need to stop doing that PERIOD! My journey is different, unique, and worth seeing through.

**Listening to negative others.

A couple of years ago, I lost a close friend around the time my aunt passed away. During this time I was hypersensitive to any and everything done or said; I also kept many walls up to hide my mourning. He caught the crossfire of all of that. I kept secrets from him I was too prideful of admitting and lashed out because of the emotional turmoil I kept suppressed. While in the midst of packing his things and leaving my life, he mentioned that I was a failure because I was unemployed and artistically speaking I hadn’t accomplished anything; that I would remain that way because that’s just the person I deserved to be. Now mind you, I graduated college that year; he was a flunk out. I changed my art style dramatically compared to when I started school to pass; he thought just posting crappy pictures of lukewarm sketches were equivalent. I started attempting trends and all he could do was copy. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t to bash my old friend. If he were to come back into my life and move on like nothing had happened I’d do the same. (With some limitations.)

It’s just while typing out this scenario, of our four-year friendship I can’t think of one nice thing/compliment/gesture he has said to me. That’s my problem.

I can be praised, admired, and look highly upon for years straight. But my problem is I let others negative thinking and comments marinate with me for a long while. Too long of a while.

Another example is my mother’s friend. (My mom has many friends that do this shit, but this one stung more.) 

This friend always roots for me; treats me like a person, and encourages my artistic journey. I consider her family before my actual relatives. 

We went over for some barbeque the family was having and I was ready. Black Hallmark Cookouts, laughing, good food, good music, shit talking others teams. She asked me a harmless question of when was I going to quit my day job. Seemed like nothing at first, until the added gest of what she continued with. “All I’m saying is you can’t do [your day job] forever. That will get old. If the art thing doesn’t work out next year what’s plan b?”

I’m not a calm person (usually). Normal Caitlin would have cursed her out and mentioned how just because she chose a job to settle and be miserable at for most of her life doesn’t mean I have to follow suit. But again, of all the nice encouraging things she has done, said, and showed, for a while, I couldn’t think of it. 

So I pray I let go of this nasty behavior in 2018; it’s going to be hard but it is dire.

***Saying I’m Not Enough

Alright, now put the combination of the two above in a bowl and what do you get? A Caitlin who struggles in interviews and applying for jobs because I let comparisons and negative comments rule my thoughts. This stopped me from applying to jobs I would have been perfect for; internships that could have helped me; posting art online.

We (including me) have to stop thinking that in order to be an illustrator means we have to pass a certain threshold of struggle, success, and a huge number of followers. That isn’t the job description. NO JOB DESCRIPTION has ”must have at least 10K followers on Instagram or Twitter.” nOnE. 

So we (including me) need to stop treating ourselves this way. Period.

7) Three things you’re looking forward to in 2019.

*Going to move conventions.

**Adding pieces to my portfolio to try again at job hunting.

***Becoming content with the fact that my current situation isn’t my permanent situation. Unless I laze around and make it so.

Alright, so this was basically me calling myself out on my noise. Lashing out my demons and putting it in writing what I want to accomplish. I hope this inspires you to write yours, even if you keep it private. I hope it guides you and maintains your vision.

I’ll see you in 2019

A new wave

Caitlin xx

[blschaos3000-blog]

Its 11:15 pm dark

A little while ago I was lucky enough to have interview the fantastic artist Louie De Martinis whose drawings of The Shadow just blew my mind. Ever since that interview I have been looking for more artists to talk with but I found out that is easier said then done.    My old friends in the music business will get a laugh about how I met Meaghan C. Kehoe…I found her completely by accident. See,I have been a follower of a small art community center in Oshawa called The Living Room which was founded by the lovely Mary Krohnert for a couple of years now. Once in a while Mary will post on YouTube about community center and upcoming events.    When I saw the Taskmaster Art Challenge video which featured 5 very talented artists creating a project in just 5 minutes and then raffling it to raise money for the center,I knew I had found my next artist to chat with Meaghan.     But securing a interview with a very much in demand artist is no easy task either as Meaghan and I played email tag for while before she able to get a little time to answer her questions.    But the wait was so worth it because Meaghan is pretty damn amazing and I sure am blessed to landed this chance to ask her 8 Questions!!!

 Please introduce yourself and share a little of your background.

My name is Meaghan Claire Kehoe and I am a human, feminist, amateur environmentalist, and some would say artist. I’ve always been excited to create things- things that are visually appealing. From drawing pretty pictures when I was a kid and into my teen years, I started to ask myself where I wanted these pretty pictures to take me in life. I went to Sheridan for Illustration, but dropped out after a year and a half when I found I was bored by the direction the program took me in. After months of deliberation, I decided to go safe and do my undergrad in French at Laurier (choosing this university only because my younger sister was applying there for Business). It turns out I loved the structure of university. I loved the critical thinking of dissecting literature and I loved learning about different cultures across the globe. I took German and Italian as well and was hopeful for a future of globe trotting to fill my life with cross-cultural understanding and meaning. In third year, I was finally allowed to go abroad on exchange. I worked full time for a semester as a barista while on a full time course load and was able to afford one semester in France. I went to Tours (for no other reason than our schools had partnerships for course equivalence), and it was beautiful. A small University city overrun with mostly students, shops, cafes and cobblestone (and of course our late-night shawarma place for post-cheap-wine-and-cheese snacks. But it was a single evening that was pivotal in my life’s direction and probably the reason I am where I am. I had managed to get into a figure-drawing class (really had to fight for that one since it wasn’t a normal elective at Laurier) and I remember surprising my stereo-typically snooty french art prof with my skill in the class- he even stopped me after class to ask about my history in figure-drawing (which was an accumulation of Arts York HS and the stint at Sheridan). Anyway, the experience woke me up again. I felt alive. I remember after the class ended, it was already dark out- a late January evening- I literally skipped back to the cafe where I was to meet a friend. Rolled newsprint underarm, blackened charcoal fingers, and a silly grin, I felt weightless flying over the cobblestone. I knew then, or maybe in the days to follow, that it was time to take this thing seriously.

After 6 months travelling Europe, I returned to finish my final fourth year at Laurier and did so with honours, all the while setting myself up to begin the risky journey of being an entrepreneur and self-employed artist.

 What drew you to art? Was there a defining moment where you knew this is what you wanted to do?

My mum is an incredibly talented artist. When I was growing up, she went from working as a graphic designer for an agency to starting her own business from home so she could spend more time with us. She has always had an incredible eye for composition and a refreshing use of negative space. This seemed to alway translate to her paintings as well. She created gorgeous watercolours with expressive vibrancy, colour and edge. She was obviously a strong influence in my life and I followed in her footsteps though I did not always want to. I knew I had the natural passion and all the learned skill she’d taught me through the years, but I had watched her struggle with the classic entrepreneur hangups: getting clients to pay her, getting clients to respect her choices and knowledge and experience, and… getting clients. I didn’t think I was cut out for it. I was shy and insecure and I didn’t think I had anything original or meaningful to share with the world.

That moment in Tours, France on my exchange really helped me remember why I painted in the first place. It was enough to do it because it made ME happy. And if I couldn’t do that then what else was there?

 What are the pros and cons of getting a art education at a university or college? Some say a “formal” education restricts artistic freedom,how do you respond to that?

This one is tough for me to respond to since I never finished my post-secondary art program. All I have to say is that it is likely like any other program. It has to be the right one for you, but also there is no program out there that is going to satisfy your needs %100. It takes a lot of guts to go against the grain or the prof and take from the experience what you need as opposed to what is provided, but its worth it to do some digging and soul-searching to make sure you don’t conform for the sake of conforming. There are a lot of opinions out there about what constitutes “real” art, but they are all just that. Opinions.

 What does “mixed media” mean? 

Mixed media means you are no sticking to strictly one medium in your work. For example, you are not using just oil paint or just acrylic paint. There are some fantastic contemporary artists using mixtures of paints, pastels, papers, photography, and even found objects. (Anya Mielniczek is a great one for this- she’s a good friend of mine who is also an environmentalist and up-cycles trash to create beautiful works).

 What is your typical day like as an artist? How do you get your creative ideas?

I’d like to say my typical day is a romantic sepia-toned dreamy sequence of me in cute overalls with a smear of paint on my nose, a brush through my messy bun that I’ll continually be losing and looking for, and a giant canvas on my wall splattered in passionate marks that somehow emerges as a perfectly balanced masterpiece. And it is. Is the lie I’ll tell Spielberg when he interviews me for the biography he’ll shoot about me one day.

Unfortunately, there is a lot of stuff I have to do that sucks my soul (like in any job). I usually start with a to-do list, then emails, any phone calls I need to make to clients, sometimes brainstorming/conceptualizing/sketching designs for corporate murals, sometimes cleaning up the mess of spraypaints I’ve dumped in my studio the night before after a project. There’s taxes, invoices (which reminds me I still have a couple to do today), and walking my dog. I actually get a lot of my best ideas this way. A walk alone with my thoughts, 50 minutes or so, gets a great creative brain-flow going and puts me in a better mind set to get work done when I get back in the studio.

 What is your take on “art critics”? 

Well, I’ve never been critiqued by one yet- I suppose my work isnt legitimate enough for them. But thats the thing, isnt it? My art isnt for everyone. Nor should it be. Like I said, opinions are opinions.

 Do you ever go to museums or art galleries yourself? If so,do you look as a fan or an artist?

I do go to museums and art galleries, though I feel most compelled to visit them in Europe. They’ve put a lot more value into their arts and culture than we have in North America (as well as a longer and richer history) so there’s a lot more to see. Plus, they’re usually way cheaper or FREE! It’s like they actually want their citizens to appreciate art!

 What was your first drawing and what was the first piece that you sold?

I really couldn’t tell you what my first drawing was. My mom says I was drawing perfect circles before I could talk. But my first piece I sold was probably when I was 16. I was commissioned to create the cover of Salvation Army’s ‘Faith and Friends’ Christmas zine. Though my mom will tell you that I painted a piece in grade three that all the teachers tried to buy off her. She had it framed and it hung in our dining room for a couple decades.

You have done art in over 50 Starbucks in Canada,how did you get that gig and do you have complete freedom in what you paint?

I got the Starbucks gig through a connection (my sister’s friend’s then-boyfriend was an interior designer for Starbucks and looking for more muralists at the same time I had decided I wanted to get into large-scale wall-art). It was a match made in heaven. I honestly have never had so little control over my work than I did with Starbucks- they are very particular about their branding, but they were really professional and respectful and compensated me well. I had so many jobs with them over the span of a few years that I was able to do things like quit my part time job, buy a car and put money into savings. I owe them a lot.

 Are graffiti taggers artists or vandals?

Yeah this one is a tough one. I have to go with both. It’s funny because a certain few street or graff artists have become famous internationally (e.g. Basqiat and Banksy). Their work questioned societies norms in a way that was clever and beautiful and spoke to people. If that isn’t art, then I don’t know what is. But were they vandalizing property? Sure. But many graff artists would say that property is a societal construct and imposition that should be challenged. Personally, I can see it from both sides and its a constant dichotic conversation for me.  

   You do a LOT of charity work, what drives you to give your gift to others?   How did you get involved with Mary Krohnert and The Living Room?

I think one of the most universal human struggles is finding meaning in one’s life. That doesn’t change when you become an artist. In fact, it is only amplified. Everyone has their own gifts and talents and for me it is crucial to find out why I ended up with mine. The answer is that I still don’t know, but if I just keep helping out where I can, I’m sure I wont get further from answering that important question. Or maybe its just the childhood catholic school guilt… Who knows?!

My introduction to Mary from The Living Room was another serendipitous moment in my life. My partner and I moved to Oshawa two years ago and one day I was sitting on my porch and a pretty lady with a cute dog walked by. So I chased her down to meet her pup (a shy hound named Alice), and found  out they were my neighbours from a few doors down. Mary was really excited to find out I was an artist and the friendship bloomed from there. I really believe in what Mary is doing with The Living Room. Any way I can help out, like in the latest fundraiser event where I got to be a part of their very own ‘Task-Master’ episode (a spin off form a British series), is the least I can do.

What is a art battle?

Art Battle is an event that was started around 8 years ago by two guys, Chris and Simon, that began with a competition of two artists painting live and being judged by audience vote and has evolved into a world-wide organization with monthly contests all around the globe between 16 artists at a time. There are three rounds: 1) 8 artists paint for 20 minutes; 2) another 8 artists paint for 20 minutes; 3) the top two painters from each round voted by the audience paint a new painting for 20 minutes and the audience votes for the final winner. There’s a DJ, a bar and a lot of excitement. The winner goes onto the regional competition and the winner of that goes onto the Nationals. I’ve won the Toronto regionals twice in the couple years I painted at art battle only to be beat out at Nationals twice.

 The cheetah and I are coming to see a exhibit of your latest work but we are a day early and now you are our tour guide,what are we doing?

Oh my goodness! Okay! Well we’d have to go the the Robert McLaughlin Gallery for sure. If it was the first Friday of the month, I’d take ya to the RMG fridays event where they also feature some local live music. That would be after grabbing dinner at Spicy Affairs (my favourite Indian restaurant in Durham and its right near my house). Before that might be an afternoon at the Botanical Gardens. Oshawa Creek runs through there and in the right season you can see the salmon racing upstream to spawn. They’re huge! Theyve also got cool sculptures and some playgrounds for the kids around there. Before that we would go to Isabella’s for coffee and snacks or to Berry Hill for brunch/lunch. And at the end of the whole night, we would end up at Riley’s for a pint and a couple rounds of pool.

 THE END.

I like to thank Meaghan for chatting with me. I think you have a true gift and that you share it with the world is tremendous. You are definitely doing what you were meant to do here,never doubt that for a second.

You can follow the wonderful Meaghan Claire Kehoe by visiting and bookmarking it by going to her website here.

Thank you for your continued support and I hope you enjoy these interviews as much as I do. I have many more in the pipeline that I think you’ll really enjoy.

Feel free to leave a comment below and I’ll make sure to pass it on to Meaghan.

8 Questions with…………..artist Meaghan Claire Kehoe Its 11:15 pm dark A little while ago I was lucky enough to have interview the fantastic artist Louie De Martinis whose drawings of The Shadow just blew my mind.