#;;yes hello my dudes this is my new bby michael

[wtfmichaeldarling]

Walking in the streets of New York by himself, Michael couldn’t remember the last time he had felt this frightened. “E-excuse me?” His little voice piped over the crowds, “H-has anyone seen my sister or b-brother?” He asked loudly. He of course, knew it was a long shot but being this frightened and alone it was all he could think of.

[bibibuckleyy]

‘Pinned’ liveblog

there are def spoilers ahead so don’t read if you haven’t seen the episode yet! also this is definitely not gonna make sense if you haven’t seen the episode and it’s very long so i’m sorry in advance

i wanna go to this bowling alley

i agree garett is a damn treasure look at that boi

he’s totally boyfriend manager material

yes buck you are a genuis 

“technically it would be an exoskeleton”

LET HIM ENJOY THE WIN

“NO REFUNDS”

ayeeee my son garett gettin his coin go be manager 👏🏽

“JESSE, YOU’RE FIRED” LMAOOOOOO

so apparently green tea fights brain tumors

so let me tall y’all bout my good friend MICHAEL

he’s got a brain tumor and he is scarin the shit out the whole fandom

and hey instead of gettin the SURGERY

THIS BITCH IS GOIN CAMPING

i don’t think he understands that he cannot fucking die 

athena and may are literally me

they both like ‘wtf why is he goin camping he has a damn brain tumor’

and the fandom like ‘bitch same T-T’

no pressure bobby but MICHAEL’S LIFE IS IN YOUR HANDS

michael bby i don’t know why your doctor cleared you for this

like ‘hey, you have a life-threatening tumor but whatev’s YOLO lmao go camping dude hopefully you don’t progressively get worse while you are there lol lol’

spoiler alert: he gets worse

me and his doc bout to throw hands

if athena and may don’t get him first

“assuming there is a next year”

well f u c k.

that’s a 2020 mood tho fr fr 

athena pls knock some sense into michael you have my blessing girlie

congrats may on gettin into USC!

*casually googles USC*

WOW ALBERT

i dunno what i expected

but it was not...that

throw the whole room away chim

”technically he doesn’t even have a room” DAMN CHIM THE SHADE

things just ‘ignited’ huh?

well that was awkward

EXCUSE YOU ALBERT IN THIS HOUSEHOLD WE DO NOT QUESTION MADNEY

“she’s a good friend to you” with that little sip after DAMN ALBERT I CACKLED

Chim bby you look exhausted lmao

omg wAIT I LOVE THE TREE PLANTING TRADITION

IT’S SO NOBLE

“Plant it, let it grow, and stay out if it’s way!”

i love that they are including bobby in this

michael? michael what’s wrong with your hands buddy

THAT’S IT THIS TRIP IS CANCELLED SIRI TAKE US TO THE NEAREST HOSPITAL

“ah, the dreaded c-word”

hi hello yes i only accept relationship advice if it comes from hen or athena

awkward shoulder laugh?? ok buddie eddie

“tommorow isn’t promised to anyone, so if you love her, tell her”

*still doesn’t tell buck how he feels*

i love athena and may’s bond 

it’s real like yea they have problems and disagreements but theye still love eachother

i like that they don’t agree all the time about everything

“we still have time” UH YEA BITCH WE BETTER

michael you are hi key scaring me now

stop stop stop you guys need to go to the hospital

bobby and harry are the duo we didn’t know we needed 

ok listen

i really hated this emergency

like just do your dishes bitch

your house is already remodeled

i mean like it was still a good rescue

but i was kind of an eyeroll

he really shot himself with a nail gun

bruh

“i didn’t say i love you back to my daughter”

aii so he’s not as thick headed as i thought

wowzers that’s a lot of blood comign out of his chest

i literally chose the worst moment to make food

i‘m seasoned 9-1-1 vet tho so i’m used to it lmao

 EDDIE WAIT ARE YOU ASKING BUCK OUT 

WAIT IT WAS SO CASUAL THO

IT’S LIKE

THEY DO THIS OFTEN

ANA FLORES WHO

(ok ok i like Ms. Flores but i am a buddie stan first and foremost)

wow i didn’t expect that when they opened the back of the ambulance

lord have mercy this dudes blood is everywhere

me too buck, me too

i mean like i would lose my appetite but like,,, this popcorn is good yo

“where are you going?”

“to ask your sister out on a date so i can tell her i love her”

YES CHIM GO GET HER 

*chants* MANDEY! MADNEY! MADNEY!

uh oh michael and bobby are bout to fiiight

“i’m fine”

“no michael, you’re not, and i think it’s time we all started admitting that”

FUCKING THANK YOU BOBBY 

IT’S NOT ALL OK DAMNIT

“you think you are hiding it but he sees it”

YEA SO DO WE AND I THINK I SPEAK FOR EVERYONE WHEN I SAY I DON’T LIKE IT

“to learn!”

“to learn what?”

“how to be a family when i’m gone”

.........

i hate everyone 

my heart didn’t deserve to break like that

JOSHHHHHHH

HI BBY

there are still bruises on his face :(

i’m still mad about his date

FUCK YOU GREG 

maddie dear chimney is not breaking up with you lmao

poor josh bro sunshine bby didn’t deserve it

i love athena and hen’s dynamic like just GOALS

“this thing with michael is looming over us constantly”

truer words have never been spoken 

i want to go to a revolving restaurant

it looked so cool

this is gonna sound weird byut maddie not saying i love you was just even better than her saying it back

she expressed it in her own way

(still fuck you doug) 

“i love you maddie, and as long as i know you feel the same, i can say it enough for the both of us”

WHAT DID THIS WORLD DO TO DESERVE THIS MAN 

WHOLESOME SO DAMN WGOLESOME

oh hey this dude is gonna propose

foreshadowing??

this dude really dropped the box

lmao why he look so nervous

i thought when she grabbed the box her hand was gonna get caught in the revolver thing

“the answer is-”

MY JAW HIT THE FLOOR

OH MY GOD

FUCKING EARRINGS 

LORD NOOOOOOOOOO LMAOOOOOO

the way maddie went “oh boy” honestly same here we go

“five years together and you bring me up here for earrings?”

“it’s your birthday”

“yea, next week”

The dude that turned around right after he said that was me

like i just,,,,

fucking earrings AHAHAHAAAAAAAA

homegirl really chose the worst moment to stand up

i take it back i don’t want to go to one of those restaurants 

wowwwww madney really being a dynamic duo in a crisis

and i am here for it!

they saved homegirl’s life

AND GOT A FREE HOTEL ROOM FOR ITTTTTT

I LITERALLY CANNOT TAKE ANY MORE MICHAEL ANGST

two bros, chillin by the camp fire, and i’m freakin out cause one of them’s gonna die

“i wanna see him grow up, and i don’t know if i will”

9-1-1 writers turn on your location i just wanna talk-

“i need you to keep me and my father alive for him” 

thanks i hate it

candlelit breakfast is then new thing pass it on

“took maddie out to talk and things...ignited”

 CHIMNEY YOU SMUG BASTARD

“hey handsome”

*points* there! there’s the exact moment my heart stopped

HELL NAH GET THIS DUDE AWAY FROM JOSH IMMEDEATLY

rest in power to josh’s mug

OH

OH SHIT

HE HAS A GUN

HE HAS A FUCKIN GUN

“i love you howie”

.....

bitch i didn’t order this take it back

no no no no nO NOOOOOOOOOOO

so i honestly forgot abou the whoe ‘hostage situation thing’

I WASN’T EXPECTING THIS

CAN JOSH GET A DAMN BREAK PLEASE

josh looks so scared awwwww NOOOOOO

“do not move, or you will be shot”

bitch nO

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

somebody call buck he’ll know what to do

so.... this has been my “Pinned” liveblog! i’m sorry it was super long and there was like no capitalization anywhere lmao. i actually enjoyed this so hit up my askbox if you want me to liveblog another episode!

[nickelkeep]

15x19 Inherit the Earth Liveblog.

REALLY Y’ALL. I’M DOING THIS AGAIN?

Fuck my life.

Ugh. The Road So Far...

Starting in Japan.

New York

I guess this is Kansas?

Yep, there’s Sam and Jack. Dean’s driving up in Baby, and everyone is gone.

Who’s going to ask?

Nope. Minnesota. I forgot, Hastings.

THERE IT IS.

Jack’s going to spill that he knows? 

Sam’s calling everyone. JODY! NO!

It’s like everyone just left.

Damn, just how this is shot... it’s so empty.

JACK’S CALLING OUT FOR CAS. JUST LIKE BEFORE.

Wait. Things are dying as he walks by.

Sam’s given up hope. 😭

Chuck. You asshole.

BULLSHIT IT’S NOT CANON. HE TOLD CHUCK TO BRING CAS BACK.

“All because you wouldn’t take the knee.” Chuck is an asshole. I love how evil he’s become.

Jack can’t sleep.

Dean is passed out with a bottle of Jack.

What does Jack hear?

There’s something out there besides us. MICHAEL!

Puppy! “Who would have known that finding a dog would feel like a miracle?”

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. CHUCK YOU FUCKER.

GIMME THE MICHAEL. PLEASE.

You might not know what it is you’re facing, but we do.

“It is St. Michael’s, after all.”

NO. ADAM IS GONE?

So Michael was God’s PR company. Makes sense.

All the thunder and lighting. Very, very, frightening.

Michael’s on board? Just like that. I don’t blame him.

Can Michael open it?

Holy fuck, that’s some powerful magic.

I wonder if Jack can open it.

Commercial thoughts: My heart hurts.

WHAT? CAS?

THERE’S NO FUCKING WAY.

FUCK OFF. GET HIM OUT OF HERE.

“OH THAT IS NOT HAPPENING.”

He brought a reaper.

OH FUCK. NEW DEATH

I don’t like Betty.

You’ve been death for an hour.

Go figure. Lucifer is a double agent. No surprise. This is 5 minutes too much of Lucifer.

MIKE. NO.

WHY IS THE ARCHANGEL BLADE NOT WORKING?

IT DID WORK! YAY!

Commercial thoughts: That actually really threw off the pacing of the episode.

Dean bonding with Michael? I like this.

An unstoppable force that’ll find Chuck and stop him?

At an exact place at an exact angel of the sun?

That’s a Chuck ending, my dudes.

DAMMIT. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

...

I’m actually kind of angry.

I was fucking rooting for Mike to be a good guy.

LOL, SAM. One for the road. That saved the episode.

“I can get my hands dirty.” 

Rob had to have so much fun with this. Tiny guy beating up on giants.

Keep getting up boys. Please. Fight him.

Don’t listen to him.

Why can’t he snap Jack?

JACK? YES YES YES

NOUGAT BABY SAVES THE DAY

“We won.”

It’s blank?

Mikey’s a cuck.

THEY MADE UP A SPELL. OMG

Jack absorbed all the power. OMG OMG OMG

“This is why you’re my favorites.”

They’re not going to kill you. They’re just going to walk away.

It’s not his power anymore.

It’s the ending where you grow old. You get sick. You die. Where you’re forgotten. THIS IS AMAZING!

Hearing Chuck Sob? YAS

There’s still 15 minutes left in the episode? Okay. It’s technically commercial so like 10.

Commercial Thoughts: My heart is beating. I love this.

Okay, we’re back, and the world is still empty.

Jack, BBY. He’s bringing all the people back. It’s like they were never gone.

The puppy!

He’s got Amara with him.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

JACK, BBY. NO. Your Dads need you.

...MY BABY IS ALL GROWN UP.

Goodbye, instead of Hello, with his little wave.

“To Everyone we lost along the way...”

Chuck’s no longer writing the story.

ALL THE NAMES ON THE TABLE.

I AM SO FUCKING CONFUSED RIGHT NOW... And actually kind of insulted.

What the fuck is this. A cheesy fucking montage? Next week’s episode has a lot to make up.

There’s not even anything to be excited about...

.

.

.

Okay. Just a reminder. Breathe deep. Take it slowly. There’s one episode left. This was the Bros Only episode for the Bronlies. The ones who want the brothers alone. Next week? Next week is ours. Next week is for the Family don’t end in blood.

[splendidshinobi]

FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST 2003 LIVE REACT: EPISODES 6-10

back at it again with the white vans

episode 6: the alchemy exam

alrighty then

um mustang calling edward “ed” is EXTREMELY offputting

ohhhhhhh noooooo not shou tucker

FUCK

im wholly unprepared

them all being in central instead of east is low key jarring like my brain isnt computing it

alexander’s intro is basically the same 

nina bbyyyyy girl u deserved so much better

ed is such a fucking nerd...chemistry club modern au confirmed

god the more tucker talks the more i wanna beat his face in

al pretending to eat by tossing a potato in his armor i-

aww theyre playing in the snow theyre so pure

wonder how long thatll last

“bigger brother” and “little big brother” and ed doesnt even get mad

ed’s birthday party????????

A MELON? ED YOURE SO RUDE

so 03 had ed’s bday instead of elicia’s...CAUSE THEY GOT ELICIA IN THE WOMB

“it’s here!” “the tea?” “the baby!” hughes is a fuck head

ok so now they’re having elicia replace rush valley baby arc

this was winry’s time to shine in fmab i miss her 

if winry isnt here who is gonna birth this baby

oh my god they just realized ed can use alchemy without a circle

no wonder he’s been using circles this whole time

SO ELICIA JUST POPPED OUT????? WHAT

STUFF ALEXANDER IN THE ARMOR AND PRETEND YOURE A TALKING DOG???

“i dont think thats very funny” NO ALPHONSE IT IS NOT

THEY KNEW EXACTLY WHAT THEY WERE DOING WITH THAT ONE I SWEAR TO GOD IN THIS ESSAY I WILL

damn bradley what up homie

im so thrown off by the way theyre doing the exam omg

seriously what the hell is fuhrer bradley’s purpose right now is he even the fuhrer in this i feel like they wouldve mentioned it

oh lord ed is about to impress everyone with his clappy hands

ok so next episode is nina FUCK

episode 7: night of the chimera’s cry

havoc babeeee

im gonna marry him my himbo king

also can RIZA DO SOMETHING PLZ

“huhhhhhhhh nina” ew tucker that was weirdly gross

wonder why

cant do it cant do it

do we think jean kirstein was modeled after jean havoc slightly looks wise

was that purposeful 

ill have to google 

serial killer who only targets women?  it cant be scar...scar drinks respect women juice

barry or slicer bros maybe? um ok

why did we start with liore if they were just gonna hop right back into the past for a huge chunk of episodes idk

assessment day??? oh noodles

AL WHY DID YOU TELL TUCKER TO MAKE ANOTHER TALKING CHIMERA ALPHONSE NO

THE NOISE I EMITTED IM GONNA TAKE A LAP

im gonna FUCKING SCREAM

ed r u writing to winry??? that’s a bit out of character for u good sir

no tucker put that baby down

im gonna fucking SCREAM

aww he burned nina’s picture thats not sus at all

SHESKA!!!!!

wait does the ironblood alchemist know what tucker did to his wife? thats kinda the vibe im getting

SCARRRRRRRR

looking like a pirate too damn

his voice sounds different is that j michael tatum 

apparently not it was dameon clarke in 03 ya learn something new everyday 

ew elicia has a lot of hair for a FUCKING NEWBORN

ed really is such a cynic very suspicious of everyone as he should be really

basque grand knowS SOMETHING

oh jesus oh fuck oh god please do not TOUCH THAT BABY

ed and al snuck back in to the house well u know what its for the best

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

im gonna cry again please god no

FUCKING DIE SHIT HOLE

she’s hurting? oh my god

my sweet angel

ew his eyes!!!!!!! 

tucker is such a fucking failure...like look at the chimera squad and greed’s theatre troupe being the way they are. ugh it really hits how fucking unfair it is 

ed was really about to split them? boy you know better

where is nina going...im hurting

ed really tried to save her in this one

SCAR KILLS NINA IN THE STREETS???????? SIR

thats different

oh snap 

oh FUCK

SCAR WHY DID YOU LEAVE HER BODY LIKE THAT

THE WAY SHE WAS ARRANGED ON THE WALL THAT WAS FUCKED UP

AND THEY FOUND HER LIKE THAT???? AT LEAST IN BROTHERHOOD THEY DIDNT HVE TO SEE HER CORPSE ARE YOU SHITTING ME?

that was fucked.

episode 8: the philosopher’s stone

can yall get ed and al away from nina’s fucking MURAL 

get out of the car mustang

finally jesus christ

roy mustang talking about healthy coping mechanisms dont make me laugh but alright baby boy go off i guess?

im curious about who this goddamn serial killer is though lets turn to that plot thread

r u kidding me

mustang is making ed and al take over tucker’s research?? thats actually wildly messed up

oh tucker was straight executed that’s a choice i guess

tucker and the philosopher’s stone sounds inaccurate but ok

ed please stop being mean to your brother

03 mustang has got me reaching for a fucking baseball bat on GOD

scar and edward having this conversation right now i literally cannot

WINRY yes bitch

BRADLEY WHAT IN TARNATION

JESUS LORRRRRRDDDDDDDDDDDD

alphonse shut your mouthhhhhhhhhhh

im so confused what is bradley up to

“alchemists are not cold blooded murderers?”

i mean

kimblee would beg to differ for one

whos this creepy lady 

her voice sounds familiar

barry’s food shop?

the killer is barry ok got it

IS BARRY DISGUISED AS A WOMAN

I KNEW THAT WAS JERRY JEWELL’S VOICE

WELL I KNEW IT SOUNDED FAMILIAR AT LEAST

WINRY GET OUT OF THE FUCKING TRUCk

has PINAKO TAUGHT YOU NOTHING

ok so i VASTLY prefer suit of armor original manga canon barry

this is such an odd plot what in fuck

um OW the meat cleaver

im so confused this fucking plotline

oh hey alphonse nice of you to show up!

is barry still gonna become a suit of armor later on

it makes NO SENSE to introduce him otherwise 

everytime i see 03 mustang i wanna beat his ass HONESTLY

literally i will shove my foot up his ass

fullmetal here we go

ed thinks he’s so punk rock 

oh great scar’s seen the watch

episode 9: be thou for the people

ed you simp buying winry all this stuff my edwin heart is ascending

SIMP SIMP SIMP

“mr. elric”?? you mean MAJOR ELRIC

to be fair though fuck the military

YOUSWELL??? oh LORD

im gonna need to read a full chronology of this show

 alphonse continues to be a precious angel 

where’s my boy yoki!!!!!

edward you idiot don’t go flaunting your money

woof woof ed

al looks so offended by ed saying they just met

whereas in brotherhood didnt he totally throw ed under the bus??? 

a choice to be sure

ah there he is hello yoki

who’s the chick

shes a lesbian

yoki makes me miss my baby girl mei chang

mei where r u

WAS THIS MILITARY DUDE REALLY ABOUT TO CUT DOWN A CHILD??? oh my god

hawkeye getting a promotion yes bby girl

jesus theyre transferring them to east now OKKKKKAY thats not how it happened it the book but ill take it....just doing it the opposite way i guess

who is lyra who is she

cute some military bribery 

umm lyra what the fuck did you do

lyra is a homunculus im callin it now

they definitely invented/changed up some homunculi in fact im certain they did and shes one of em. gotta be

i feel like 03 wrote ed as much more insensitive towards others than he really is...just a vibe im getting

i know he was faking for the townspeople’s sake but i still get this vibe from other instances 

i mean i cant say its not “canon” because its 03 canon

anyways what a show off

i cant believe theyre going to east...fuery and breda better be there

ok finally some answers on their ages....ed got his license at 12 like normal and nina and youswell were when he was 12...liore was 15, 

if they didnt flash the ages on the screen id be lost honestly

at least we’re back up to “present day”

episode 10: the phantom thief

ed saying he doesnt wanna see mustang

same

03 mustang is activating my fight or flight and im choosing fight

ed cheating at cards totally checks out

um who the fuck is this woman

what is she wearing

SERIOUSLY WHAT IS THAT CUTOUT MAAM HOW DO YOUR C**CHY LIPS NOT POKE OUT

idk but this is fem!hisoka

“hey shouldnt we talk first” after getting handcuffed??? christ almighty these innuendos

siren??????? siren is probably also a “fake” homunculus

ugh

ok so the nurse is siren

ya aint slick girly

alphonse control your crush

I REFUSE!!!! ALMEI RIGHTS

why is al’s hair so brown in this flashback anywayssss

oh its spelled psiren ope

like she’s literally a batman villain...

oh my god...............the tiddy grab. my son would never

my son is respectful

is this her homunculus tat or just a random alchemy tat

the added plotlines and original content continue to confuse and astound me every single time....

ok but if psiren really was doing this for the hospital she wouldnt be so flashy about it. like thats how you get caught sweet cheeks

girly stop flirting with this child on god im gonna fucking kick you

now shes a nun????????????????

Shes a fucking troll i hate her

im going to kick alphonse into the sun 

oh great now shes a teacher

wow shes a savior. the savior of amestrian venice. greatttttt

ed looking exactly like this emoji on this gondola rn 🧍‍♀️

STOP FLIRTING WITH THE CHILD 

GOD THIS IS SO BATMAN VILLAIN ESQUE

alphonse plzzzzzzzzzz she aint your girl

ok so probably not the last we see of this ding dong con artist

ok so its starting to get muddy. im scared the 03 stans are gonna come after me like i do like it and im having fun watching it but some of the plot and characterization choices are just....odd??? idk i gotta keep going though!! im sorry i just stan arakawa and her work in all her glory!!!

[visionssofgideon]

In-depth Reflection on Kingsman: The Golden Circle (Spoilers)

FUCKING SPECTACULAR, EH!

After so much waiting, watching new promos and trailers everyday, I watched Kingsman: The Golden Circle today! The sequel to my favorite movie of all time! And BOY, I have so many thoughts. I am going to try to go as in-depth as I can, and as much in order as I can but BEWARE this is nearly a shit post with me pouring all of my feelings into it and will have random points all over the place, but mainly is me trying to process everything, this is A LOT (it’s 3k) and basically a summary of the movie 

SPOILER ALERT!!! OBVIOUSLY LOL okAY LET’S GO

They started off the fucking MOVIE with Take me Home, Country Roads on a bagpipe FUCK

FUCK YEAH EGGSY UNWIN! GARY UNWIN! MY MAN! MY DUDE! MY SON! YOU LOOK SO FINE IN THAT SUIT, YOU LOOK JUST LIKE YOUR DECEASED HUSBAND shit too soon

IT HASN’T EVEN BEEN A MINUTE CHARLIE GET THE FUCK OUT IDC HOW YOU SURVIVED GO AWAY also ALL THESE CARS OH FUCK IS THIS ALL POPPY! Anyways Yes yes yes EPIC drifting cab scene! Eggsy has grown so much yeah boy you kick his ass! I love this drifting cab scene, they built a custom cab that could drift how amazing is that! But oh nooo, ugh Charlie’s stupid arm made the poisonous blade kill the driver :(

Eggsy can hold his breath because he was training for the marines but also throwback to his training when he was the only one that was smart enough to see the two-way mirror! The police were like yOu wOt m8 @ Eggsy but iT’S OKAY there’s a secret Kingsman entrance under the lake! By the way HI MERLIN I LOVE YOU YOU SCOTTISH MAN but Eggsy you are a BRAVE man for jumping into shit! On a side not, the hand just hacked into Kingsman holy shite

HI TILDE agh prefer Eggsy with the love of his life, Harry Hart, but you DAMN brave for wanting to kiss a shit-covered Eggsy! Also HI JB YOU’VE GROWN SO MUCH! But wait, EGGSY MOVED INTO HARRY’S HOUSE! Just like the fanfics said! That makes me so happy

Cool transition from a bag of pot to Cambodia! Poppy is FUCKING CRAZY, actual psychopath, I mean cannibalistic burgers, delicious! Those dogs are cool, more realistic than other movies, but rip people who are put through the shredder! Ngl that burger looks pretty good

AW TILDE TRYING TO TEACH EGGSY MANNERS BUT FUCK HERE IS THE DELETED HARTWIN BREAKFAST SCENE FROM TSS! THE MYTHICAL BREAKFAST SCENE IS REAL! Eggsy paying close attention to his lover Harry Hart is

The fact that Eggsy has to hold back tears when simply thinking of Harry is so :( And he even asks Mr. Pickles, because he remembers Harry’s love for him. Eggsy Unwin was in love with Harry Hart, okay.

“Galahad, late again” HAHA just like Harry used to be! Hi off-brand Michael Caine-looking Arthur! ROXY MORTON IS MY GIRLFRIEND HI I LOVE YOU OKAY I KNOW WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN BUT I LOVE YOU! She looks so fly, so does Eggsy and Merlin! Also bye @Charlie I can’t believe he survived armless and now works for the craziest person ever!

Honestly rip this guy who just got the golden circle tat and is eating his friend in the form of a burger which btw looks pretty good! Welcome to hell!

Oh nice, the dinner scene! Eggsy is such a gentleman but he actually loves Tilde? He’s actually doing this wow and it’s all because Roxy Morton aka my gf is helping him out! Of course he doesn’t know about spanish painter Frida Kahlo! Roxy ugh ur da best from galahad, and roxy asking best friend or best agent? Both ;) AGH also NICE Eggsy started his own wall like Harry’s of the menial news! UGH Eggsy’s friend is so dumb what is he DOING! AHHHH HAND GRENADE and Eggsy cursing 100x in front of Tilde’s parents

NO NO NO BOMBING EGGSY’S PLACE! Everything is gone ALL OF HARRY’S STUFF! NO JB NONO EGGSY’S FRIEND! WHAT THE WHERE DID THESE MISSILES COME FROM oh fucking POPPY

Roxy knew, she knew, she even tried to escape but… Roxy Morton! MATTHEW VAUGHN I am utterly disgusted and disheartened! Roxy had so much potential, and remaining in a platonic relationship with Eggsy, their friendship was amazing! She was a brilliant agent, not to mention um the only female!? DENIAL! DENIAL! Roxy survived, she tried escaping, so she survived! WE WILL SEE ROXY MORTON IN THE THIRD KINGSMAN MOVIE OKAY

Arthur is dead, all the Kingsman including Percival are dead… Poppy is absolutely crazy, and is giving Charlie a new arm! God, from the trailer, the crazy slingshot arm! Agh no no no this won’t be good…

Eggsy, all alone, in despair. And here go Merlin and Eggsy blaming each other, for possible betrayal! And god Eggsy, Eggsy telling it like it is, everybody is dead, JB, Roxy, his friend, everybody… but Merlin told him to not shed a tear, to hold in emotion, as if he has done this before.

Thus, the doomsday protocol ensues- shopping, drinking. Statesman whiskey! Drinking to everybody! Drink to Scottland! Haha, nice try @ drunk!Merlin! But drunk Eggsy slurring his words and Merlin being an absolute mess and crying is just…. Somebody please get Merlin Kentucky fried chicken, please

HAHA that part of Merlin breaking in, opening the barrel! Hello CHANNING TATUM! Agent Teqila HAHA okay! That fighting was great, wow like being an American for once! WOW please don’t set their balls on fire, that would not be good! HAHA Yeah Tequila, go fuck yourself! 

WAIT BUT, HARRY HART IS ALIVE! HARRY HART, SHAVING, BEAUTIFUL MALE SPECIMAN, HARRY HART! HARRY FUCKING HART! EGGSY UNWIN’S SOULMATE! He is alive, and beautiful as ever! Yes Eggsy, we understand, “Fuck me” as in you love Harry Hart we get it! Eggsy and Merlin yelling, but alas, a two-way mirror! YAY GINGER ALE TO THE RESCUE LOVE YOU HALLE BERRY MY QUEEN

Harry looks all smiley! All happy! But he doesn’t know… I predicted this, his amnesia :( Please remember bby! Eggsy is all frustrated, but look at Harry focusing on his butterflies! YES YES THE STATESMAN IN KENTUCKY SAVED HARRY wow cool technology for being American, I would like to thank Ginger! Unfortunately, Harry reverted to his old self. Before kingsman or army, he was a lover of butterflies. Wow. Before being in the army, a kingsman agent, he was a lepidopterist

ELTON JOHN, THE BEST PART OF THIS MOVIE POSSIBLY! Telling it to Poppy as it should be!

HAHA hello champ! Yay jeff bridges! What a man, he seems so chill, I want to have a conversation with him! Champ>>>>>Arthur. Will never get over the fact that the Kingsman are knights of the round table, galahad, lancelot, percival… the statesman are fckuing alcoholic beverages how American sigh,,,,, also Whiskey, hi pedro pascal!

Harry Hart reading his dear book about butterflies! No, they’re putting him through training again to jog his memory! But poor Harry is struggling no no my bby please stop! Btw Colin Firth is the best actor ever okay thanks! Agh this scene is breaking my heart :(((( Harry’s trying to hard to remember, Merlin is trying so much, but Harry’s just here soaking wet :(((

AW JB 2.0 thanks @tilde aw okay people get people they love dogs to help them…. Keep that in mind for later for what I KNOW is coming up!

Lol mini condom and penis joke bc haha America sucks! Look Charlie’s gf who Eggsy will have to get to for their mucus membrane because the trackers needs to be… Haha Whiskey “tinder-what?” me!

BLUE VEIN shit… tequila come on mate! So sugar is 10000x worse than any drug rip :( Elton John is great I love him! Poppy is crazy pt. 2, those dogs are scary, please no! Hey, Elton is friend hell yeah!

Ahhh, can I just say, even though I don’t want Eggsy with Tilde, he is such a decent man to tell her what he is going to do! Despite knowing she’s going to be mad! NO PROPOSAL PLEASE but still, Eggsy Unwin is a good man that is all I have to say! Started from the bottom (literally) now we’re here! Lol @Tilde he actually loves Harry Hart! Anyways, time to travel through the vagina! Matthew Sexist Vaughn everybody! LOL @Merlin being uncomfortable and Ginger being total 100% chill, they are perfect for each other! i ship

HI HARRY! Oh god is this the maggot butterfly scene? YES IT IS! oh fuck fuck fuck. Okay can I say, Harry Hart is so smiley, he loves talking about butterflies. THIS SCENE GOD yes Harry pin Eggsy against the wall! Btw my FAVORITE thing is when Harry says “Perhaps you mean larvae” and smiles. Such a sweet smile! And the smiles are sad at the same time, because he doesn’t know who Eggsy is! And now Eggsy is sad drinking, trying not to think about the old Harry, trying to deal with the whole Tilde situation. God, the scenes between Harry and Eggsy are making me so elated with both joy and sorrow, because Hartwin. BUT THE PUPPY! Eggsy looked up pet store and

OH MY GOD MR. PICKLES 2.0! FAVORITE SCENE EVER! Ahhh Harry smiling, or rather Colin smiling at the pupper, the most precious thing! Young, non-agent Harry Hart is innocent and will love and cherish a puppy. BUT EGGSY, stop torturing him! Eggsy is trying so hard to jog Harry’s memory, but it’s so sad! Also, Colin Firth’s acting in this scene, is just fantastic! Absolutely amazing, to see the contrast! Young Harry Hart or CGId Colin Firth is the sweetest thing, to see his love Mr. Pickles. Because truly, Mr. Pickles was Harry Hart’s pressure point. Saying that Harry would never hurt a puppy, it was a blank, and HARRY IS BACK! Harry Hart, the agent, the man who knew he was an agent, but also a man. A man with feelings, with love, with innocence! No more Eggy, hello Eggsy, your husband! GOSH, THE HUG! Eggsy Unwin on his tippy toes hugging his soulmate Harry Hart and the puppy he got him! YES, remember how Tilde got Eggsy a puppy to help him because she loved him. If you love somebody and get them a puppy, then you know that Eggsy Unwin is deeply in love with Harry Hart. I truly think this is it. Hartwin confirmed #nice

BAR NICE yay Harry is back! Still can’t believe! OH GOD Eggsy holding back tears seeing his eye, but Harry completely and undoubtedly ROCKING those eyepatch-glasses like he was meant to! Okay, who is this redneck guy calling Harry the f-word. Please, Harry Hart may be the gayest man alive (in TSS with Dean’s guy saying that there’s “another rent boy around the corner” triggering Harry just like the f-word did, as well as his smirk in TSS when saying “my black jewish boyfriend” HAHA) but this is just rude. And Harry can’t aim because his depth perception is 100x worse than before now :( Stop punching Harry my bby! #StopHurtingHarryHart2k17! Manners DO Maketh Man, but Harry still needs to relearn! Well Whiskey going to whip them into shape, Diana Prince 2.0? That’s a REALLY GOOD FIGHT SCENE! Wow Southerners are not like what I expected! I hope Harry gets better soon

UGH Poppy is crazy pt. 3! This disease is crazy, but there is Elton John to save the day! ELTON YOU DA MAN! Anyways, yikes! DANCING HHAHA, Tequila could bust some dank moves! Anyways the world is going crazy, but what else is new? OH the US president is a dick… Trump, is that you? Low-key about Trump even though this finished filming before he became president! See, the president here is what I think of when I think of Southerners.

Okay so they’re going to Italy! And Eggsy is not going without Harry! Aw, look at my sons who are so in love with each other! Nice outfits boy! Aw, Harry can’t do too much field work because he’s still recuperating :( He couldn’t aim his watch thing, but a bang will do! BTW Colin actually knows Italian, so this is perfect! HAHA River! Lol I hate @Charlie but SHIT his gf got caught hahahah yikes… Oh no Harry is hallucinating again! And here come a crazy ride, which Pedro and Taron actually felt because Matthew Vaughn wants to make everything as realistic as possible! Because Matthew Vaughn is the devil!! Okay this is hella intense for not being a fight scene but also funny because of them yelling! Lol they stopped because of Eggsy pulling the parachute (tb to TSS) but it’s an American flag wow how American! And the old man said that was the best shit he’s had in a while, so I guessed it all worked out!

Okay cabin scene, Eggsy greets his bf again yay but THERE ARE SHOOTERS SHIT also nice @whiskey really cool fight scene and DIANA PRINCE 2.0! Okay Harry just shot Whiskey and oh no Eggsy don’t blame yourself! It’s not your fault, really it’s not! But don’t yell at Harry, he just saved your life with that cologne lmao… Okay I don’t like Eggsy being mad at Harry :( OH SHIT WUDDUP CHARLIE JUST BLEW UP HIS GF yikes sucks. Btw Merlin and Ginger working together is amazing, they are a new ship!

The president sucks pt. 2 (again, Trump?) Wow this human in cage thing is crazy, dystopian shit, actual yikes! Not to mention everybody has the “dancing disease” lmao! Look, merlehad! Haha so apparently Harry should know Merlin’s favorite singer but he doesn”t rip

Thought the lawyer was Merlin ngl

Ugh Eggsy is sad, Harry make him feel better! MARTINIS! Oh shit, this is going to be emotional. Eggsy talking about Tilde to Harry, but Harry loves him. And god, talking about when he was shot by Valentine. Not thinking of anything, anybody, because he never loved anybody… Brings me back to when he wanted to go back to his mother while he still had amnesia, who most likely passed away :( Please Harry Hart, I know you love Eggsy. Somebody love him. He says love is “worth living for”, and he lived for Eggsy.. WHAT IF HE thought of Eggsy when he was dying, but he didn’t say anything here because Eggsy had just told him that he has a gf SHIT SHIT SHIT no no please hartwin no 

Aw sorry Whiskey :( He lost his gf, but now he is vengeful… wow okay this is a lot

MERLIN IN A KINGSMAN SUIT! YES MERLIN, I LOVE YOU, YES YES YOU LOOK SO FINE!  And the machete is his haha! Wow a baseball and bat, so American.

And so we are here, Cambodia, and SHIT LAND MINE. No no no no, this is where it happens. WHY DOESN’T THE FROZEN THING HAVE MORE THAN 1 USE what kind of faulty fucking kingsman/statesman shit is that if it only has 1 use WHY DIDN’T YOU CARRY MORE MERLIN WHY YOU’RE SO STUPID NO SORRY YOU’RE NOT STUPID ILY BUT WHY   :(((( Merlin sacrificing himself for Harry and Eggsy, because he is fully devoted to Kingsman. Eggsy trying to hold back emotion, but Harry and Merlin fully knowing what being a Kingsman is. “No time for emotion” FUCK

OH GOD.TAKE ME HOME, COUNTRY ROADS! Merlin singing in his scottish accent, yelling out like he was meant to. God, why. Merlin, such a brilliant man, WHY. And he’s distracting Poppy’s men to save Eggsy and Harry! Okay, DENIAL! NO. Did you HEAR that last note?! Merlin braced himself and closed his eyes, but he might’ve not died! Merlin, Hamish, survived! His legs may have been blown off, but we will see him in the third movie, legless or not! I refuse to believe Merlin is dead.

Elton John as low-key performer/drag queen is my FAVORITE! It’s Wednesday FUCK YEAH! Oh, Eggsy and Harry look so vengeful, and they are perfect fighting together! Absolutely amazing! Eggsy taking Harry’s blind side is amazing, and their fighting impeccable. THE BITCH IS BACK ON THE MOVIE THEATER, YES INDEED! ELTON JOHN JUST HIT A MAN I LOVE HIM! Harry Hart, Eggsy Unwin, spy husbands fighting side by side!

Okay, bye @ dogs! ! WOW ELTON JOHN IS A FRIEND YES HAHA, okay low-key thought Elton John was going to say “If you save the world, we can do it in the asshole” to be Harry’s Tilde but he said “you can get backstage passes” which is the same thing OKAY GOD ELTON JOHN X HARRY HART NEW SHIP?? YES YAY wow he blew a kiss to him I’m dead this is so gay I love it harry hart fucked elton john 

Charlie can go die okay thanks bye. Okay the one arm thing is dumb, Eggsy you have an advantage use both arms lol, anyways YES FOR MERLIN, REMEMBER MERLIN EGGSY!

Okay last fights. Poppy is crazy pt. final!  Julianne Moore’s acting is AMAZING, really great! But um, viva las vegans? That’s dumb. Okay anyways OH SHIT BOI WHISKEY Harry Hart knew it! FINAL FIGHT SCENE and this is amazing! Absolutely amazing fight scene of spy husbands vs. Wonder Woman 2.0! Whiskey lost somebody because of drug addicts, man wow Kingsman really focuses on real issues, like the environment and drug addiction, but the villains are some crazy people! 

Okay, Harry Hart is absolutely amazing, and he can fight amazingly now! Also, Colin Firth doing most of his stunts is AMAZING! Still can’t get the fact that Eggsy fit through the lasso! This is like the church scene in TSS and I love it! Epic fighting scenes with gore x rock music is A+!

YAY WORLD SAVED! Everybody is back! And the president sucks, so YAY FEMALE PRESIDENT! I think this is @ the American govt. and Trump LOL wow I love this movie.

SCOTLAND WINE BY KINGSMAN FUCK… Rest in peace Merlin :(

YES, GINGER IS FIELD AGENT! Okay besides the Roxy thing and tracker going inside vagine thing, this is a feminist movie! Female president, female statesman agent! FUCK YEAH!

Harry Hart and Eggsy Unwin, once again together… but Eggsy is getting married which, let’s not think about. MIRROR SCENE PARALLEL TO TSS AHH I want Harry Hart and Eggsy Unwin to love each other, to cherish each other, even if Eggsy doesn’t know “what the fuck is going on.” Alas, denial is key. 

FINALLLY WE SEE EGGSY’S MUM WHAT HAPPENED TO THE WHOLE “come live with me” fiasco from TSS HMM ALSO WHERE IS DAISY @ Matthew Vaughn you owe us

Colin Firth’s monologue as Harry Hart made me realize, that I love Kingsman and will never get over it. It is only the beginning, and I can’t wait for more. This had so much emotion, despite it being so intense. RIP Kingsman agents, JB, Roxy, Merlin. Harry Hart, I love you. Hartwin, I will NEVER give up on you.

Oh boi Tequila is kingsman???? damn okay nice hat boi

FUCK

I’m going to cry at 2 am while singing Take Me Home, Country Roads (update: I DID CRY AT 2 AM)

F U C K !

If you read until the end, you are a TRUE Kingsman fan and true mutual/reader. Nice to know there are others out there who are just as crazy as me, but what can you do when you have such an amazing movie!