#;; xie lian speaks to shen qiao ;;

[mvsicinthedvrk]

valentine's ball minievent starter for xie lian & shen qiao // @masqce

"Oh, would you be able to help me with my mask?" he asks his friend hopefully, reaching back behind his head to try and tug on the fine ribboned straps of the mask that are now, from the feel of it, knotted in his hair somehow. "The ribbon got caught in my hair when I was trying to re-tie it on, I think... I may have made a mess, back there." Shen Qiao may not be able to see it very well, but considering it's behind his head and Xie Lian can't see it at all, any form of help will be an improvement.

[duckprintspress]

"Get to Know Me" Tag Meme

Oh gosh, this is the first time we've ever been tagged for a meme! Thank you for thinking of us, @felinesomnambulist. I SUPPORT YOUR MICHELANGELO LOVE, he's the best turtle and April should see that.

I'm gonna fill this out based on me (@unforth) since I run this account (And, ya know, own the Press). :D

Three Ships: Hua Cheng/Xie Lian (Tian Guan Ci Fu by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu), Mo Ran/Chu Wanning (The Husky and His White Cat Shizun by Meatbun Doesn't Eat Meat), Shen Qiao/Yan Wushi (Thousand Autumns by Meng Xi Shi), are probably my three favorite ships right now.

First Ever Ship: oh god. if we're talking "first couple I remember getting really invested in," it's Min/Rand al'Thor from the Wheel of Time. If it's "the first ship I can remember being like 'I ship this' and it wasn't canon and it's queer and stuff" (though I have Opinions about Min and queerness, but that's a different conversation)...hmm...I wrote a little Nuriko/Yuki Miaka (Fushigi Yuugi by Yuu Watase) and Lina Inverse/Gourry Gabriev (Slayers). (Lina/Gourry isn't queer in canon, but there is no cis het explanation for Nuriko). I also had a ship for The Franchise By She Who I Wish Would Just Fucking Stop Being Awful but we don't speak of such things anymore. (I also, early, wrote a lot of self-insert OC x "my favorite character in each franchise" things, like in middle school I wrote a story with my OC x the son of Garion and C'Nedra from the Belgariad by David Eddings).

Last Song: Ateez - Deja Vu (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlnMDttgTbk)

Currently Reading: Mo Du by Priest (https://edanglarstranslations.com/modu)

Currently Watching: I guess The Sleuth of Ming Dynasty? I watch things incredibly slowly, basically only when I'm packaging campaign merch, and we've only had the pin campaign recently so I haven't had much time in ages. I've also been watching TLT2 on and off. Counting things I'm watching with the kids, we're doing our second full watch-through of Kipo and the Age of the Wonderbeasts (which by the way? super queer. y'all should check it out, it's great.)

Currently Consuming: Black cherry herbal tea

Currently Craving: at least one good night of sleep, god I'm tired (see also: why I'm doing a meme instead of editing, lmao).

Tag 9 people we want to get to know better! Um... @sarnakhwritesthings, @theleakypen, @scones-and-texting-and-murder, @jemariel, @deathbycoldopen, @wolffyluna, @faerytaleonfire, @foxofninetales, and @veronicasanders

[hunxi-guilai]

What is something specific about cql that you love/ are fascinated by that is not discussed very much in popular fandom? Could be a small scene or moment or a theme or character quirk! Love this blog thank you sm for your thoughtful, intelligent insights !

oooooooo here’s a theme that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately that applies to both CQL and TGCF (less so MDZS?), and if we want to get spicy, we can also throw 《千秋》 into the mix

so there’s this (very broad, oversimplified) dichotomy called 出世 / 入世 in Chinese. Literally, they are:

出 chu - (v.) to exit    /    入 ru - (v.) to enter

世 shi - (n.) the world, the mortal realm, human society

and it comes from a very long, hm, philosophical dilemma? that might not be the right way of putting it, in the Chinese literary tradition. Historically-speaking, you had the choice of either 

actively participating in society, taking the imperial exams, and becoming a bureaucrat and ascending in the government, step by corrupting step; or 

renouncing your worldly tethers, exiting society, and living out in the mountains as a mysterious hermit and writing poetry about chrysanthemums or whatever (look I can’t talk about this without at least gesturing at Tao Yuanming, who’s like, the trope codifier of this)

of course, this is like, a quick and dirty and vastly oversimplified way of putting it, but part of what I really love about CQL (and TGCF) is that we have a hero who does so much, who gives so much of himself away in the name of a good greater than his individual self, and both Wei Wuxian and Xie Lian find their happy endings in the arms of someone who will take care of them. Though Wei Wuxian’s post-canon roadtrip of self-discovery--which, crucially, he takes alone! he needs time!--happens offscreen, it is so important to me that it happens. He gets to take time for himself. He gets to learn how to just be in the world, without a thousand demands and world-ending stakes laying claim to his life.

broadly writ, both Wei Wuxian and Xie Lian find their happy endings 出世 exiting the world

(not necessarily permanently! but like. the fact that the narrative rewards them for their immense sacrifices by letting them take a break, letting them know that they themselves are enough, that they are worthy beyond their sacrifices, really just gets me, y’feel)

meanwhile, with CQL!Lan Wangji as well as Shen Qiao of 《千秋》, both of them take the opposite journey: Shen Qiao begins his journey as the isolationist sect leader of Xuandu Shan, and, well, after being unceremoniously yeeted off a cliff and forced to fight his way back to his former position, learns how to navigate murky political waters in a world of gray and grayer morality. He sees the world beyond the sanctuary where he grew up; he comes to understand that turning a blind eye to the maelstrom of the world’s affairs is not, in fact, the better thing to do. Meanwhile, Lan Wangji spends much of his life disconnected from the politics and responsibilities that Lan Xichen takes care of for him; Lan Wangji can 逢乱必出 go wherever the chaos is precisely because Lan Xichen is at home, keeping the Lan Sect running, holding down the fort.

and in keeping with the repeated pattern we see of younger siblings stepping up to take leadership roles in the wake of the elder siblings’... indispositions, CQL!Lan Wangji steps up to take on the role of Chief Cultivator by the end of the show. He chooses to 入世 enter society, to wade into the dreary bureaucracy and corruption of management and governance that feels like the fulfillment of a character arc long in coming

I think the questions of “what it means to participate in society” and “what is the personal cost of doing good” are central themes for all of these texts, and the fact that there are a multiplicity of valid answers means a lot to me

[multifandomworshipper]

I posted 285 times in 2021

172 posts created (60%)

113 posts reblogged (40%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 0.7 posts.

I added 197 tags in 2021

#mxtx - 41 posts

#incorrect mxtx - 26 posts

#mdzs - 25 posts

#mo dau zu shi - 23 posts

#the untamed - 17 posts

#incorrect mdzs - 16 posts

#tian guan ci fu - 13 posts

#incorrect tgcf - 12 posts

#tgcf - 12 posts

#meatbun doesn't eat meat - 12 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#shen qiao holding on to yan wushi's hand and telling him to take him away from mt. xuando just poured so much life to my otherwise dead day

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Luo Binghe : Guys how to confess to my crush?

Lan Wangji : Let your actions speak rather than your words. Gift them their most beloved thing.

Hua Cheng : Do something MAGNIFICENT for them.

*Next day*

Luo Binghe *holding a 15m tall paper fan with Pictures of SQQ imprinted * : Guys, what do you think about this? Will this do?

192 notes • Posted 2021-04-15 08:22:42 GMT

#4

Reading Captive Prince so far,

Nikandros : But he (Laurent) almost killed you!

Damianos : Yes, and he looked hot doing that.

195 notes • Posted 2021-09-19 13:10:51 GMT

#3

Hua Cheng: Dianxia once told me that I should live for him if I don't know how to live on anymore.

He Xuan *mentally numb from HCs simping*: And then you proceeded to die.

Hua Cheng: ...

He Xuan: You LITERALLY had one job!

205 notes • Posted 2021-09-05 17:01:27 GMT

#2

*Wei Wuxian staring intently at a deeply immersed guqin playing Han GuangJun*

Jiang Cheng : You're thirsty, drink this.

Wei Wuxian : What is this?

Jiang Cheng : Anti-horny juice.

Meanwhile

Xichen *from afar* : ChengCheng save some for me. I might be needing too

311 notes • Posted 2021-02-07 17:59:12 GMT

#1

Shen Qingqiu : How to not get murdered?

Xie Lian : Ascend to immortality and murder won't be an obstruction to your healthy lifestyle. Tried and tested by me :)

Wei Wuxian : Just kill yourself then nobody can murder you haha lol. Also! Tried and tested by this Yiling Laozu.

Shen Qingqiu *inner self* : Binghe pick me up, I am scared!!

441 notes • Posted 2021-04-12 11:58:04 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[nemainofthewater]

Halfway report:

Tantai Jin is currently in the lead with almost a third of the votes followed by Mei Changsu, with Li Lianhua and Mo Xuanyu tied for third.

A selection of propaganda from the tags (excluding the ones which have their own reblog from @circumference-pie (for Tantai Jin) and @thelaithlyworm (for Wu Xie) under the cut

Yu Sifeng:

#voting for Yu Sifeng even though I haven’t seen L&R yet#every single gifset I’ve seen has him choking on blood#I feel like he deserves it by @jianghushenanigans

#vote yu sifeng !!!!#bro did not spit two times his weight in blood in 58 episodes to be second !! by @bananaproved

Tantai Jin:

#okay objectively speaking i think llh and his tottering-on-the-brink-of-death self is the most anemic#HOWEVER im confident ttj has him beat in sheer volume of blood that he spits up. so this one's for you my pathetic little meow meow by @nutcasewithaknife

#I voted for Tantai Jin because that was an orgy of blood ❤️#but to be fair I haven't watched love and redemption and didn't finish nirvana in fire#there could be whumpfests I've not experienced#full of blood spitting galore by @thawrecka

#im sorry it has to be tantai jin#they spent at least 20% of the budget on fake blood packets by @tavina-writes

#they didddd#Mei Changsu at least had the shivering as well#tantai jin was 15% dramatic blood spitting by @mysticaltorque

#I legit haven't even watched the show just read fic and seen gifs#and even I know he's the king of coughing up blood hahaha#tteotm#til the end of the moon by @urisarang

#at least a couple of these characters are literally dying#but from what I've seen (I haven't seen four of these shows/books)#ttj spits up the most blood#so much...all the time...#till the end of the moon by @jaggedcliffs

#listen i don't even go there#but even i know that#tantai jin#spits the most blood of anyone#it's all over his face! it's dripping down!#it's practically in his HAIR#shen wei? give me a break#i will however admit that#li lianhua#comes in a close second. like that's a lot of blood#cdramas by @lunarriviera

#apologies to z1l#but yeah#til the end of the moon#boy is pale and sickly and blood drinking#even before he grew up by @1ebilcat

#it HAS to be tantai jin#it would be easier to count the scenes where he ISN'T covered in blood#til the end of the moon by @woadoverweld

by @purplehyacinthsimp

#didn't even finish tteotm but I KNOW ttj is the winner here#so much blood everywhere by @larks-and-katydids

#my heart goes out to ttj's actor; he probably tasted that corn syrup for weeks 😂😂😂 by @firstdove15

Xie Lian

#the only reason xie lian isnt anemic is bc his shackles regenerate blood too quickly by @jedistranger

#xie lian isn't mortal and shen wei isn't human#if xie lian was mortal anemia would be the least of his worries by @aceofthegreenajah

Li Lianhua

#went for li lianhua but there are some good choices here#mlc#guardian#nif#jol#mdzs#love and redemption#<- have only seen around 4 eps of this so far but it has cy so there has been plenty of blood#speaking of is it cheating to have a write-in candidate of 'cheng yi cinematic universe' by @muninnhuginn

Write in candidates:

#zhou zishu#with those hooks through his shoulders?#also wen kexing every time he regrets an evil thought lmao by @sunnyuto

#I'm voting for Shen Qiao from Thousand Autumns#that dude spits blood like it's going out of style by @vergoftowels

Do cdramas know that the blood is meant to be on the inside? Signs point to no: I'm inclined to blame the fake blood industry, who would collapse if certain conventions were abolished...

Have you had bad news? Spit blood!

Have you been hit somewhere (and if the drama is very committed to verisimilitude, in the torso area)? Spit blood!

Have you stubbed your toe? ...you know the drill by now...

And then there are those people who just... lost so much blood they shouldn't really be standing...

(and no, putting them in the Extra Pale Foundation (tm) doesn't count as medical care...)

Sometimes, the contestants in this poll can fulfil both criteria at the same time!

It's the 'Most Likely to Be Anaemic Poll'!

Propaganda, examples, and write-ins absolutely welcome!

[mvsicinthedvrk]

@masqce said : ❛ how long has it been since you've slept? ❜ ( shen qiao & xie lian i need new content pls )

"It's fine, it's fine," Xie Lian insists, a rueful smile on his face as he shakes his head with a deep exhale. His lack of sleep isn't the problem, it's the lack of a chance to sleep peacefully. He hadn't entirely realized how important a deep, restful sleep was until recently. He rolls back his shoulders, adding with determined optimism, "I'm sure this weekend I'll be able to get a good rest. It's only been an off week, that's all... Do you happen to know if there's a good drink that will help wake me up, but that doesn't have caffeine?" Since caffeine will probably only make his restless energy worse.

[mvsicinthedvrk]

post-event 15 xie lian & shen qiao // @masqce

"I hope you can forgive me for setting off the fire alarms again last night," he tells Shen Qiao sincerely as soon as he sees the other. He hadn't-- well, he hadn't expected that the whole building would have to evacuate. Xie Lian had take the battery out of the alarm in his kitchen, knowing that it would probably go off! But apparently the building had other smoke sensors as well. "Some people didn't seem very happy about being woken up... but at least it wasn't raining, right?" he ends on an optimistic note.

[mvsicinthedvrk]

:(

hw event 15 // xie lian finding shen qiao, june 10th ( @masqce )

Xie Lian doesn't usually spend a lot of time reading or listening to the local news; if there's something big happening, he'll surely overhear someone talking about it on the bus, or he'll learn of it from the customers at the flower shop who come in to chat. But today, he finds himself glued to his phone screen, his expression shadowed with real concern. Report after report-- flooding in, from all over the city. Just this morning, victims keep being found dead in all sorts of strange manners: being stabbed, being drowned, being-- hit by lightning, even.

He finishes his shift at the shop, being especially vigilant in checking to make sure he's locked the door on his way out. Sometimes, he forgets; but not today, when he knows Sophie will be getting there first in the morning. Fifteen people so far, dead. It's a big city, and sometimes things happen, but not fifteen people murdered in a single day.

In broad daylight, too, the June sun still high in the sky at five o'clock, the weather pleasantly warm and balmy. Xie Lian thinks about catching the bus home like he usually does, but he feels... quietly sorrowful, for the fifteen lives lost. And the weather is clear, so he opts for walking home instead, after assuring Hua Cheng via text that he'll be home soon (and that walking is just as safe as riding the bus. If he was going to be killed, in fact, the public bus is the more likely place for that sort of thing to happen. And he can't die anyway, he's still fairly sure, so-- it will be alright, he'll be home in half-an-hour).

The streets, he notices, are more solitary than usual, the five-o-clock traffic significantly lessened. Maybe people closed up earlier, opting to go home amidst this strange, quiet tragedy. Despite taking the long walk home as a way to reflect and sort through his mild sadness, he can't help but still keep alert, more attuned to the sound of footsteps behind him, or sights that seem out of place. Nothing much stands out, though, until halfway through his walk-- when he sees a pair of legs protruding from behind a dumpster in one of the alleys he passes.

There's no hesitation when Xie Lian turns to head down the alley. "Ah, I don't know if you've seen the news today, but this isn't the best place to lie down, friend," he calls out mildly to the stranger, as he heads towards the dumpster with concern. He still can't see beyond those legs and feet, and the person's so quiet, he doesn't know if they've heard him. But if it's someone without a home, they're even more susceptible to being attacked. In previous centuries, he'd been without a home long enough to know that, and if the other doesn't have friends or family to check in on them... Xie Lian can certainly help them find somewhere safer to rest, especially with night falling in just a few hours. It'll be far better to be inside rather than staying vulnerable out here. San Lang probably wouldn't be happy if he brings a stranger home with him, but if it's that or leave them alone...

He rounds the corner of the dumpster and immediately comes to a shocked halt. There, lying on his side and facing Xie Lian, is the familiar face of Shen Qiao. Xie Lian immediately drops to his knees, rolling the other on his back and checking the other's mouth for breathing. He's not breathing, his face tinted-- scarily pale, with a hint of blue. He leans over and presses his ear to the other's chest; no heartbeat. No, no, no. Oh no. Oh no. There's no time to call for an ambulance, not when no one else is around to hear him shout, and not when wasting time on the phone would waste time he could be trying to save Shen Qiao. So with swift determination, he tries to give the other chest compressions-- not sure how long he's been out here on his own-- and plugs his nose, pressing his lips to the other's mouth without hesitation to try and pass him air. But despite the fact that the man's skin isn't yet cold, there's no response, none at all. For fifteen, twenty minutes, Xie Lian stubbornly tries. He doesn't want to give up, he's never been one to give up, but eventually he has to lift his hands from the other's chest, defeated.

No longer hovering over Shen Qiao, he sits, with a thump, on the ground. After a motionless moment, he numbly rearranges the other's body, straightening his legs and arms, smoothing his hair a little bit. I'm sorry, Xie Lian thinks, tears coming to his eyes as he looks at his friend. He sits there for a while next to the other's body, not moving much except to shoo the occasional curious dumpster rat away. He knows he should text San Lang, let them know why he'll be so late, they'll surely be worried, but he-- just needs a minute. He's seen death so many times before, but it's never easy to exist in its aftermath, especially when it's someone he knows.

They would have been good friends if they'd had the chance, Xie Lian thinks, sorrowfully. They'd only met last month... and unfortunately, he doesn't know that much about the man. He hadn't asked enough. He had never found out if Shen Qiao had any friends or family who had eventually arrived, or if he was still here on his own; he doesn't know where the other lives, either, not having been to his home yet. He'll have to-- call someone. The authorities, or the morgue, or-- someone, he can't just leave Shen Qiao's body here alone. So he finally pulls out his phone and calls the emergency number, quietly reciting his location and giving the report of the other's death, knowing that soon the news will be adding Shen Qiao's name to the list of today's victims.

He hangs up the phone, and texts San Lang that he'll be late, and he'll explain later. If this situation is anything like before, Xie Lian believes that the other will wake up. It had taken San Lang days and days, and Feng Xin, but they'd come back, and others in the city too-- so he knows that resurrection doesn't only apply to ghosts and gods. When he does wake, he hopes Shen Qiao won't remember dying alone, in an alley like this. Even though it won't matter much, Xie Lian scoots himself back and reaches out to hold his friend's motionless hand, bringing both of their hands into his own lap, entwining his fingers with the other's, waiting with him until the stretcher arrives to carry him away.

[mvsicinthedvrk]

No, strangers sharing a blanket surely would be almost as uncomfortable as not having a blanket in the first place; and almost logistically impossible, since it's unlikely they're all going to the same place after this. "Mm," he hums in agreement, when Shen Qiao notes his confidence that they can help arrange for more blankets before the next time. He'll let his friend take the lead on that project; Shen Qiao seems far better about thinking every step through as well as scheduling the project out. But Xie Lian's positive he can help too, at least in spreading the word and getting some support for the idea. "I'll speak to others over the next few days and see what their thoughts might be! I'm sure if we all work together, we can put a plan in place before the next heavy snowfall."

                      three times as many visitors as there are blankets— that’s not too great of a number. shen qiao ponders over this in silence for a moment, thoughtful lines creasing his eyebrows as he stares off into seemingly nothing. “kids could huddle up together, as could their parents… but we can’t ask strangers to share a blanket. i’m not so sure they’ll be comfortable doing so.” he’s not sure he would be comfortable to share a blanket with a stranger. but telling the organisers they need to work on collecting more for next time isn’t a solution to the current problem either, even if that does appear to be the logical next step to take. in a show of agreement, shen qiao nods in response to xie lian’s suggestion. “it can’t be helped then, for the time being. we can just offer them along with the soup bowls, as you said before. perhaps not everyone is in need of them.” he would find it hard to believe that, though, with how far the temperatures have dropped recently. “for next time, i am positive we can arrange more blankets. we can even do a fundraiser if we need to. people often have an excess of blankets at their home, stored away in their attics. it may even be in their favor to get rid of a few and clear out some space.” 

[mvsicinthedvrk]

He can see that his words do very little to reassure his friend, based on the very serious look on his face as he clearly processes all that Xie Lian's saying. He doesn't think Shen Qiao would assume him to be a liar, although him thinking Xie Lian had only gotten confused or misinterpreted something incorrectly isn't outside the bounds of what could be reliably believable. It's still a relief when he says he knows he's telling the truth, though it's obvious that Shen Qiao's still struggling with understanding the logistics. Who could blame him?

"I had a hard time with it as well, when I was only remembering smaller pieces at a time," Xie Lian says, just to clarify that he doesn't have any perfect clarity on the situation, either. "I didn't understand how what I'd learned about myself could possibly be true. It was-- overwhelming, at first, partly because of how much there was to remember. I've been alive for a few centuries, if you can believe it." He grimaces a little self-consciously, since that doesn't exactly help make his revelation sound convincing. "But to answer your question about how I know which ones my real memories are... I think, ah, it was clear after a while that both lives couldn't have been true at once. The people from my past-- the real one-- once they found me, they tried at length to help me remember, and I trust them. But there was also some physical evidence that helped solidify everything in the end," he adds. Ruoye had acted as the final piece of the puzzle, though getting into that explanation with Shen Qiao is probably not necessary at this point.

"I don't know why it's happening, but I know I'm not the only person with affected memories, since my husband forgot our shared past as well, though-- they've also remembered everything properly, since then. And there are others who have... out of nowhere, seemingly forgotten certain important things." He's still not convinced Jun Wu had been faking his lack of recognition; the other is a skilled manipulator, one of the best, but this had been something so different that Xie Lian still doesn't know what to make of it. He shakes his head. "So it's not impossible that it's more of a widespread problem than we could know. I apologize, I know that's a lot to share with you all at once..."

                      Their past didn’t happen; Xie Lian didn’t remember where he came from; Shen Qiao may not remember where he came from— it’s a lot to take in, his mind working extra hours to try and decipher the meaning of it all. Even as his friend takes hold of his hands, it seems impossible for him to smooth out his frown; quiet down the clamor inside of his head. Xie Lian wouldn’t lie to him; he wouldn’t be making up these incredible stories. Even if he hadn’t known the man for as long as he had, the emotion in his voice rang clear enough not to doubt a word he spoke— somehow, that made the situation all the more confusing. 

But there’s no ignoring Xie Lian’s sincerity, in spite of the many questions he has; Where is this coming from? How could someone (something?) possibly alter one’s memories? How did you remember? So, Shen Qiao continues to listen, refocusing his attention to the warmth brought by the touch of their hands— that’s real, is it not? The comfort it still brings? It’s as impossible to mess with someone’s memories as it is with their emotions, and the level of reassurance brought through mere touch isn’t one that can be faked in mere weeks. Not that he suspects— It’s just— And then there’s Qingxuan, too. He hadn’t even thought of bringing them into the conversation, but now that Xie Lian has, and Xie Lian claims to have known them, but not him, because Shen Qiao himself must have been leading a life elsewhere—

It’s all far too much too process so quickly, not if he wants to understand the meaning of it. Even as Xie Lian wraps up his explanation, he fails to come up with anything to say at all, his frown still in place. After another long moment of silence, and just as little comprehension of the situation as before, Shen Qiao finally manages to put some words together; “I know you are telling the truth,” he tells Xie Lian in a quiet voice. It is something that needs to be made clear before he touches on anything else, wanting to ensure the other doesn’t think Shen Qiao distrusts his words, “but I’m still having a hard time understanding any of it. I don’t know how… something,” for lack of a better word, “could be capable of messing with human memories to that extent. And…” This is more to reassure himself, or at least rule out another theory of his, “...how do you know which ones your real memories are?”

[mvsicinthedvrk]

When finally given a chance to speak, his friend falls too quiet, and he can't feel any movement tugging his hair anymore. It's clear that this news has either greatly surprised or greatly confused the other, or possibly both at once. Rather than trying to hold it in place, Xie Lian slips his mask off over the top his head, letting it dangle from his back, with the mess of ribbon still connecting it to his hair pulling at his skull tightly, but that's irrelevant at the moment. He's been doing this all wrong, going too fast, not explaining enough from the beginning-- so he takes a breath and takes a moment to calm his flyaway thoughts and slow down. "I haven't been living two lives, not on purpose," he reassures Shen Qiao, reaching out to take both of the other's hands in his own, his voice quietly impassioned. "I had a life, and for a while I forgot it. And it was replaced with you, among other things... and I'm so glad that it was you." His voice grows thicker; his friendship with the other is more than genuine. They've been nearly family for so long-- or what's felt like so long-- that shattering that reality, even if it has to be done, is much harder than he would have expected. Xie Lian swallows, gathering his emotions together and repeating, "You have no idea how glad I am that it was you, and that it was Qingxuan... I still recall all of that time so clearly, but I couldn't have lived that life. Not when I didn't arrive here until three years ago." He squeezes Shen Qiao's hands. "I'm much older than I thought, and there are people here who I knew from home and who knew me, and who tried all this time to help me remember them, until I finally did... So it was like living two lives at once, in a way: the one I remembered with you, and the one that I truly lived with them. Qingxuan, I knew from home, but not you." He bites his lip, then suggests gently, "I think it's likely you had a different life, too." He knows how overwhelming that had felt, to be faced with so much unknown as he'd muddled through bits and pieces of his memories. But it only makes sense that whatever had affected him had affected his friend as well.

                      Naturally, he remembers when they were little. His memories with Xie Lian are some of his fondest ones; not always the happiest, but always the ones to bring him a sense of warmth and home. They’d been there for each other on their brightest and darkest days, which in turn has led him to look at Xie Lian as not only a friend, but a brother of sorts. Though— that doesn’t explain why Xie Lian suddenly feels the need to bring that up, or to question the existence of said memories. No— he isn’t questioning them, he is telling Shen Qiao that the memories aren’t real. Last summer— what happened last summer? As his confusion grows, his fingers come to rest somewhere halfway through the long strands of hair, a puzzled look surfacing in his eyes. “W—” Even his first letter gets cut off by the man, his words no more clarifying than the last had been. It seems that Xie Lian’s goal is to get out his story as fast as possible, even if it makes no sense. Not that he doesn’t believe the younger, necessarily, but… it’s all a lot to process; too much to take in as the truth, even if it isn’t a lie. Once he’s asked if any of it makes sense, it’s Shen Qiao who has fallen silent for a moment, arms falling back in place to his sides. The mask remains unfixed, but that doesn’t feel like it’s the main issue at present any longer. “I’m afraid not,” he replies in a soft tone of voice, briefly stunned as to how to vocalize his thoughts into words. “I’ve never heard of Xianle, but I know you, and I recall all of the time we have spent together. Are you saying you have been living two lives at once? I'm sorry, I don't really understand much of it at all.” 

[mvsicinthedvrk]

"There were about 15 or 16 blankets that I could find," Xie Lian tells Shen Qiao. He may have miscounted a few since the static-laden fabric had stuck together and they're all similar colors so it was hard to get an exact count; but he imagines he can't be more than one or two off of the correct number. "I would say that it's probably-- ah, including all the people already eating, and the people over by the door, there's probably three times as many visitors as blankets." There's easily forty people here, and that's discounting all of the people who have already eaten and left already. He frowns a little. "Maybe there's more hidden away, somewhere... or we can tell the organizers that we need to work on collecting more, before next time."

                      lots of crackers doesn’t quite make for a good, or even decent estimate of the amount of crackers they’ve still got left to hand out, especially when his friend likes to shine a positive light on any given situation. shen qiao listens intently as xie lian transfers the packages to the serving box, trying to estimate approximately how much ‘lots of crackers’ would amount to. to be fair, it does seem that xie lian’s description would, in fact, be a good way of putting it. “how many blankets have you managed to find?” he inquires with polite curiosity— knowing how much they have to give away will likely make it easier to answer the other’s question. if there’s less than twenty, it won’t make sense to put them on a pile, as they’ll be gone within moments. and if they offer them to the people who came here for soup, they’ll be forced to stop giving them out soon enough, and disappoint the next person in line. it isn’t all too easy of a decision to make, with so many people being cold, and having to return to a place that possibly will be colder. “it would probably be best to help out children and the elderly first,” shen qiao proposes, but even as he says it, there’s a pang of guilt creeping up on him for those who won’t get to warm themselves. the comment on the sandwiches barely gets through to him as he ponders it over, his expression turning thoughtful. “a-lian, would you tell me the current ratio of blankets to visitors?” 

[mvsicinthedvrk]

It doesn't take Xie Lian long to track down everything in the back, though he does get momentarily side-tracked chatting with one of the other long-time volunteers who's sorting through materials. But in no time, he's carrying a large box of packaged crackers and a tub of other assorted items back up front, tucking the tub under the serving table once he's back next to Shen Qiao. "There were lots of crackers," he informs the other, transferring them a few at a time to the box up on the serving line as he speaks, the plastic crinkling lightly under his fingertips. "The storage room had some unclaimed blankets and towels as well, so I'll have to go find a good spot to put them so people know they can take them, if they'd like. Or should we just offer them out with each bowl of soup until they're gone?" he asks, looking over to Shen Qiao for advice on this one. It's only then that he realizes that in all his hustle, he'd let one thing slip his mind: "I forgot to grab the sandwiches, though." That's alright, they'll still be there after serving hours are over.

                      it won’t do any good to insist xie lian take his time; he’d insisted once, and he’d been very clear there wasn’t any need to rush. the line had been thinning for a while, and even if it were to inexplicably speed up all of a sudden, his friend would have more than enough time to make his way back. when it came to patience, shen qiao had yet to have a bad experience with one of the visitors— most of them seemed happy to take their time and have a little chat; enjoy the warmth of the building. but, he knew better than to try and convince xie lian to take a break under the current circumstances. had the roles been reversed, he would have returned as soon as possible, too— and so he only smiles in response; as a quiet way to see the other off, then focuses again on the few people still waiting for a bowl of soup. by the time he recognises the rapid pacing of xie lian’s steps, a rare moment without visitors has been brought along with him, so shen qiao puts down his own utensils as well for the time being, turning to face the younger: “i think you chased everyone away,” he jokes good-naturedly; it’s not even entirely true, seeing as groups of people were still lingering about, “have you managed to find everything?” 

[mvsicinthedvrk]

"Ah, you remember when we were little? When you would come over to my house all the time, and-- in grade school, and high school, when we would tutor together after school, and-- even when I had to come stay with you for a while. All those memories we have? I'm glad to remember them," Xie Lian insists as Shen Qiao's fingers still parse through his hair, wanting to make that clear. All of that had felt so real, and he doesn't regret the time he'd thought he'd spent with Shen Qiao. But that being said: "None of that happened, really. I think it was only since last summer. Last summer, I forgot where I came from, and somehow I remembered you, and the same must have happened to you, I imagine." He's not sure how they would have ended up with the same memories at the same time, otherwise. Xie Lian quickly goes on, before Shen Qiao has a chance to interrupt with what are likely very valid points of question or concern: "I'm from a place called Xianle, and I was a prince a very long time ago, and then I was a god, and then wasn't, a few times-- that part's a little harder to explain-- and I only very recently recalled everything again. So you might not be from here either? But I don't remember you from Xianle or any of the other realms, only from this place, so I'm not sure where that would be." He exhales and catches his breath. "...Does that make sense?"

                      If Xie Lian had actually seen the mess that his hair had turned into, he may not have necessarily thought this to be a salvageable problem. It’s… he doesn’t really know where to start; finding a needle in a haystack may be easier, really. Nevertheless, whether it is or isn’t impossible, he won’t know until he tries— if he focuses on getting the ribbon out of his hair, rather than detangling the whole knot, it may still work. To a certain degree, and likely not without cutting at least a part, but... Shen Qiao works his hands with gentle movements, curiously listening to what his friend has to tell him. When he’d told Xie Lian he looked like royalty, it’d been a genuine remark, not meant to be funny, so— “Hm?” He muses, if only to confirm he is still paying attention. There’s not much sense to be made from the words, sincere as though his friend may have spoken, which makes it hard to directly comment on the revelation— is it a revelation? “It’s not up to me whether you consider me one of your closest friends or not, but I do consider you one of mine, if that helps,” Shen Qiao confirms first, a hint of confusion coloring his voice. He remains patient, however, circling back to Xie Lian and his apparent royal genes. “I don’t mean to be rude, but I don’t really understand what you are saying. What do you mean, we didn’t really grew up together?”