#:( rly wanted to return to normalcy

[problemcore]

my body is back to being cringe once again

[heich0e]

No because thank you for putting sukuna as best friends big bro into my head. You’re the one who started it for me and I love you for it

I can’t get him out of my head. Being bullied by him as a kid and becoming besties with yuuji, growing up together until sukuna goes to college and you don’t see him for a good few years because you end up going to a different college too. Finally you come back home to visit. It’s been way too long and damn he looks fine. Shoulders have widened, his thighs are twice the size and his hands?????? Dear god, he could probably grab both your hands in one hand.

Imagine the holiday you decide to visit during is Christmas??? I wanna see him in an ugly Xmas jumper so bad

I WANT TO POUNCE ON HIM SO BAD

heheheh you r very welcome little guy!!

he bullies you looooong after you can rly be considered a kid, it's like.. the only way he knows how to communicate with you.

in my particular AU, sukuna goes away for college but when he and yuuji's grandpa dies, he drops out and moves home to take care of his little brother. you and yuuji are still only in high school at that point, but you remember seeing sukuna again for the first time at the funeral, dressed in a black suit that doesn't fit him quite right. his eyes were strangely vacant the whole time, like he was mourning the loss of more than just his only surviving parental figure, and you couldn't help but watch as he accepted the condolences offered from the attending guests with a nod or few words. that day you stuck close to yuuji, coping worse with their grandfather's passing than his older brother, but sukuna would come to check on him often throughout the wake and each time you had a hard time meeting his eyes.

you visit them frequently in the days following (it's only a few doors away after all, since you've always been neighbours.) you bring food your mother sends to them. help clean up their apartment when you can. over time normalcy returns to the itadori home—or at least a new normal. new routines replacing old ones, like a silvery scar settling into skin once a wound knits itself closed. you're happy to be a part of their life. grateful to be of help where you can. glad that their new normal includes you, too.

[angst-in-space]

6 and 29 for ao3 wrapped? 👀

6. Favorite title you used

...i'm realizing now that i only published four new fics this year so i don't have a lot to choose from lol. if we're only counting published fics then i think my fave is a short matchablossom fic i posted, "dawn goes down to day" (the title is from a robert frost poem, and that poem is quoted a lot in the outsiders which is one of my fave books, so it's sort of a double-reference lol).

if we're counting unpublished fics... i rly like the working title of my sylvix pacrim au which is "a vicious, vengeful sea" (a lyric from "black water" by of monsters and men, which is one of my fave songs!!)

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

OH MAN tbh there's like a couple lines from the sylvix dreamscape fic that i think are my fave but they're from chapters i haven't posted yet and they're very spoilery lol. so i'll go with this passage instead (also from sylvix dreamscape fic). It's a bit long so I'll put it under a Read More 🙈

ao3 wrapped

Crickets chorused in the fields, and the hush of a gentle breeze swept over the tall grass. Sylvain kept staring up at the sky, eyes flitting over the constellations as if he could see his memories written there.

“Remember when we used to drink on the roof together at Garreg Mach?”

Felix remembered. During their academy days, Sylvain would occasionally procure a bottle of wine in town and persuade Felix to drink with him at night on some secluded rooftop or wall somewhere. Although Felix always acted reluctant to go on these escapades, it was one of his fondest memories from that time.

Yes, it had been reckless and stupid—but there’d been a certain thrill to sneaking around the monastery grounds in the dead of night after curfew. There’d been something pleasant about it, too—how it was just him and Sylvain, sitting side-by-side under the moonlight, passing the bottle between them.

Even all these years later, Felix could picture it vividly: The pale glow illuminating the rooftops below and the mist above the distant mountains. The strong taste of wine on his tongue, sliding down his throat, settling warmly in his stomach. The timbre of Sylvain’s voice, lowered to a pitch that made the skin on the back of Felix’s neck prickle. Sylvain’s muffled laughter, erupting again and again no matter how many times Felix shushed him.

“What about it?” Felix asked quietly.

Sylvain inhaled the night air and let it out. “There was that one time, not too long after the war began.”

Another memory materialized: A knock on Felix’s door late one night, after they’d returned to the monastery after a harrowing battle. Sylvain’s tired smile and a bottle of wine in his hand. “What do you say, Felix? Just like old times?” Felix had somehow held back any scathing remarks. Didn’t Sylvain have a girl to seduce or something? Instead, he’d agreed without hesitation. After all the bloodshed and terrifying uncertainty they’d faced recently, he was desperate for even the slightest sense of normalcy.

“I’ve always remembered that night so clearly.” Sylvain examined the wine bottle, rubbing a thumb against the glass. Moonlight glinted off its surface.

“There was something about it... the two of us stargazing and drinking wine together. And I just looked at you, and I suddenly thought, ‘I could do this for the rest of my life.’ That was when it really hit me, I think.

“I realized that was what I wanted more than anything in the world—just to be with you, for as long as I possibly could. That I wanted to marry you.”

[studylustre]

I found your blog recently and i just love it! followed you on instagram btw, such an inspiration ♥ 20. what do you want most in the world right now?

this is so so sweet of you to say, thank you so much!! 🥺🥰🥺🥰 to answer your question, honestly i just want this corona chaos to be over so everyone can be safe and health again. i know a lot of people have been seriously impacted by the virus and have lost their jobs and i just want it to blow over so everyone can all return to normalcy and not have to worry about paying bills or fending for themselves/their families. i also rly want to see exo, but that’s a just a 24/7 mood

[highlyintelligentmoss]

don't rebagel this I'm just thinking out loud a Thing about depression, for me (& I'm sure I'm not unique here) is that I spend so much time & energy fucking crawling my way toward some semblance of normalcy that when I get Bad again it seems so much easier to just give up. rationally, I know that it's cyclical & I won't feel this horrible forever, but I also know it takes a lot of work to climb out of the hole — so it's just, why bother, when I'm always, always going to end up back down in it sooner or later. like, last summer, when I was doing really badly, both my parents sat me down for A Talk. & I remember feeling like I was just screaming for a week straight & no one was listening to me — I remember telling them, it doesn't matter, bc I try so hard just to get out of bed, & even when it's not The Hardest it's still never easy. what's the point. & that sounds so insanely myopic & dramatic to ppl whose brains fucking work properly, right. like, What Is The Point Of Anything. & I sat through person after person telling me that Life Has Purpose or whatever, & very calmly & rationally asking me what I needed, what they could do to help, & then not listening to a word I said. & not trusting that actually, I fucking know what it's like in my head. so probably the worst part abt this is that my normal doesn't look like a not-depressed person's normal. my ex actually was really hung up on this — he had the same issues I do, but spent a lot of time flagellating himself bc his ultimate goal was to just not appear symptomatic, ie be Normal. he had a singular, pretty conventional view of what a Successful life was (get degree in a Safe field, get good job, buy house within a certain time frame) & would beat himself up over not being able to adhere to it. (if not for the whole, you know, gay thing, I'm 100% sure this is what would've made me end the relationship.) somewhat similarly, my mom remains 100% convinced that I'm Not Trying, ever, bc somehow she still thinks there's a ~cure. that there's some magic trick I just haven't tried yet, that if I find the right therapist & the right med I'll be just fine forever. if I have a single shitty brainfoggy day she'll jump right to, well, your meds must not be working, you need to go to counselling more often, You Were Put On This Earth To Test Me, "why don't you try", "why don't you do this [incredibly basic thing that has literally never worked for anyone with depression ever in human history/incredibly basic thing I'm actually already doing & works most of the time]", instead of like. understanding that... y'know... everyone has shitty days. also, it occurs to me now, she's one of those "life's hard! work is misery & everyone's a selfish asshole, get used to it!" ppl, so I don't rly get why she's so mystified by the mere concept of depression? (tbh it's probably just bc she's incredibly self-centered & thinks she's the One With The Real Problems Here.) a couple months ago we got in this big fight & she went on about how she doesn't think I've made an inch of progress in the last year & a half — so I gave her a list that included "returned to counselling (because you forced me to)" & also "oh yeah, don't want to kill myself like I kind of did last summer" & she just. would not. she literally just looked me in the face & repeated that she hasn't seen Progress. (THAT'S ON YOU, AT THIS POINT, MOTHER. ahem.) anyway, short story long, it sucks! I beat myself up to get to where I want me to be, let alone to where she thinks I should be. it sucks to never, ever, ever be good enough in the eyes of someone who doesn't even get that her opinion isn't fact & isn't the only one that matters. I am doing much, much better, through no one's initiative but my own (& the unwavering support of several incredible, unfailingly generous & supportive & beautiful friends) & I am fed right the fuck up with that being not just unacknowledged but dismissed over & over & over.