#/i’m still trying to find the perfect song lyric for these two SCREAMS | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

whowantslovergirl · 9 months ago

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Why are you here?

Nate Jacobs x reader (reader is female with she/her pronouns)

warnings: a lil bit of smut, suggestive lyrics ig, there is so much song fics i deeply apologize, cursing, this is before Maddy but they’re in junior year already, so like beginning of junior year, Y/N HAVING THE MOST SELF RESPECT, Nate Jacobs, mgk song 🤠,italics are flashbacks,^ this means start the song 💋 hope you enjoy my lovers 🤍

euphoria masterlist

Summary: Nate and Y/N are so bad for each other

posted: February 12,2024

Nate and Y/N broke up two months ago and Nate still thinks they’re together. She can never move on. He definitely cannot move on. They are terrible for each other and they know that but they still find each other. ^

I hate that I saw you again last night

You were with somebody and so was I

Met you in the bathroom at 12:05

And I fucked you again

We can never be friends, yeah, yeah, yeah

You were at some random party. Maddy forced you to come. You were having fun until you saw him, your ex, on some other girl grinding on her. You can’t be mad. You had a date but still why is he with another girl.

_____

It was 12:05 you guys were both in the bathroom.

Fucking.

You can’t believe you did this.

“I can’t believe I did this! Get out of me Nate!” He finished and you were freaking out. You put your hands on your face freaking out. The main reason you were mad is because this is not the first time this happened.

“Calm down Y/N it’s not that serious.”

“To you! I promised myself that this bathroom thing will not happen again!” You rushed out of the bathroom leaving him.

I'm not myself

I'm not myself when you're around, no

Can't be helped

We are insane, that's just the way it goes

Nate and Y/N are back together for the tenth? time and it’s good for now.

Until you saw him with Maddy.

_____

“Maddy, Nate? Are you serious?”

“It’s not that serious Y/N.”

“You always say that! But if it was my ex you would be throwing a bitch fit!”

and he did.

**Flashback**

“Why the fuck were you talking to him!” Nate was screaming because you talking to your ex.

He accidentally bumped into you and said sorry and you said it’s fine.

That was the whole conversation.

“I’m sorry is two words talking now?! All I said was it’s fine!”

“Bullshit!”

You rolled your eyes. “Unbelievable Un fucking believable!”

**End of Flashback**

I'm a demon in the night

She's an angel with the white

Told me keep on all the lights

I'ma show you what you like

Two months later. Everyone is at a party.

And Nate is trying to get back together again.

“Come on you know we’re perfect for each other!”

“No we’re really not Nate. Please leave me alone. I have pepper spray and a pocket knife in my bag.” Then you walked away trying to leave.

Help you put back on your clothes

Make sure nothing's on your nose

Ain't even tell my closest homies, nobody knows

“We’re really not right?” Nate said smirking. The bathroom shit happened again.

“Shut the fuck up Nate.” You said rolling your eyes. He can see you struggling with your dress and helps you.

“Oh I bet you’re gonna brag about this huh? ‘Oh yea I fucked her again!’ right?”

“I actually never told anyone about this.” You just roll your eyes and left. That is such bullshit.

I hate that I saw you again last night

You were with somebody and so was I

Met you in the bathroom at 12:05

And I fucked you again

“Fuck!” You said finishing. He groaned and slipped out of you. “We really need to stop this nonsense Nate.”

“Why Y/n? Nothing is going wrong.”

“To you Nate! I promised myself I wouldn’t do this shit with you again!” He tried to speak but you just left. He smirked and left slightly after.

We can never be friends, yeah, yeah, yeah

“We can never be friends. We are way past that point.” You said while in Nate’s room. He asked if you guys can talk and you said yes.

“Yea friends don’t do what we do.” He said laughing.

“This isn’t funny Nate! We’re done. I’m done.” You said trying to walk out but he grabbed your arm. “If you’re done why was I inside you last night?”

“Ugh you’re an asshole!”

“I know. So I’ll see you in the bathroom Y/n.” You didn’t say anything and left like always.

I couldn't cry

I need to smoke, I'm feeling sick inside

From seeing you next to a friend of mine

We didn't speak but I read your mind

Both telling lies, our alibis didn't work this time

It’s been six months since you guys last fucked in the bathroom. And you’ve been taking care of yourself not worrying about Nate. You’re with McKay just talking, not anything special just catching up as two friends.

Nate saw this and just walked out, mad that you’re not talking to him or laughing with him. He’s so fucking angry.

I'm a demon in the night

She's an angel with the white

Told her keep on all the lights

You can show me what you like

“Hey angel.” You jumped because you didn’t know he was in there, in your room. “Nate get out.”

“You know you don’t want me to do that. I just wanna see you.”

“Well I don’t want to see you so get out.” He starts getting closer and the back of your knees hit the bed causing you to fall on the bed. He slowly comes on top of you and starts kissing, biting, and licking your neck.

“Nate stop.” You said pushing him away.

“You don’t really want me to stop do you?” You just stay silent and he takes off your shirt then his own.

“Ima show you what you like baby.”

Help me put back on my clothes

Make sure nothing's on my nose

Can't even tell my closest homies, nobody knows

Nate and Y/n are now dating (again) but secretly this time. You didn’t want the backlash from your friends and Nate was going with it because you told him too. He couldn’t give less of a fuck.

You guys are about to go to a party but got occupied with each other. Before you were about to go. “Wait Nate, you have stuff on your nose.” You said as you wipe the ‘stuff’ off his nose.

“Thanks baby.”

I hate that I saw you again last night

You were with somebody and so was I

Met you in the bathroom at 12:05

And I fucked you again

Nate and Y/n broke up again. They were at a party, saw the other with someone else, 12:05 hit the clock and they were back in the bathroom.

“We really need to stop Nate!”

We can never be friends, yeah, yeah, yeah

We can never be friends

We can never be friends, yeah, yeah, yeah

You were calling Nate seeing if he’s busy and he picked up immediately.

“Hey angel.” You roll your eyes. “Hi Nate.”

“Why are you calling me?” You can hear the tiredness in his voice but you ignore it.

“I was saying that it’s over like forever. And I’m probably gonna go back but I just want some type of closure.”

“Ok…” He sat up in his bed and was about to say something but you beat him too it. “So bye Nate.”

Yeah, I know that I said I was at home

Okay, yeah, you caught me

I thought that you said you were all alone

Look at you lying

You’re at another party and you saw Nate. He said he was home. You walk up to him and tap him on the shoulder and he turned around looking like he seen a ghost. “I thought you were home Nate. I want to talk to you.”

“Don’t pin this on me Y/n. You said you were all alone. Look at you lying.”

“Shut the fuck up. Now come on I want to fuck you one last time before I actually end this.” His mouth opened a little bit but he smirked.

“Lead the way angel.”

I hate that I saw you again last night

You were with somebody and so was I

Met you in the bathroom at 12:05

And I fucked you again

After you guys were done. You sat on the sink and he sat across from you on the bathtub.

“Were you serious about you ending things for good?” He said breaking the silence. You just nodded and his head went in his hands.

“I really hate the way you make me feel Nate. We gotta end this for good. The only reason it didn’t happen sooner was because you didn’t want to end. You gotta let go Nate.”

We can never be friends, yeah, yeah, yeah

We can never be friends

After you told Nate that it was over, he went completely MIA, missing classes, not going to practice. He can’t even fathom that this is happening. He thought you guys were forever.

That Y/n and Nate were forever.

We can never be friends, yeah, yeah, yeah

An: HSIEJDIDJ ok but if you didn’t get the time placement THIS IS BEGINNING JUNIOR YEAR meaning that it just started so basically Y/n was Nate’s villain origin story 😔 BUT HOPED YOU ENJOYED MY LOVERS 🤍🤍

#Spotify #my lovers on top #euphoria #euphoria x reader #nate jacobs #nate jacobs x reader #angst #mgk lyrics

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the1975attheirverybest · 9 months ago

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Stupid Cupid

A/N: day 3 of valentines week prompts! summary: sometimes, love makes us stupid. warnings: none

*** Jo watched the stage in awe as Matty stumbled around in feigned drunkenness, his arms spread wide open, a bottle of wine hanging from his precarious grip. He stood still at center stage, his eyes closed, head tilted upwards, as if letting the intro of “About you” wash over him like rain. The crowd screamed hysterically as he approached the edge of the stage, reaching their hands out for him, some crying, others giggling. Embarrassingly, Jo felt herself blush when he singled her out by pausing to look directly into her eyes. She felt silly. Like another face in the crowd, awe-struck by his undeniable presence. “I know a place,” he smiled, breaking away from her eyes and walking to the other side of the stage as he sang the opening lyrics.

Jo listened to the people around her as they observed and meditated on various aspects of his beauty. The way that the light hit his bare chest just right. His sweat-dripping hair glistening as if covered in glitter. His perfectly plump lips, looking so kissable. His big, beautiful eyes. The veins in his arms when he’d stretch them out as if trying to grab a hold of a fleeting moment, singing “hold on to hope that we’ll find our way back in the end.” The way that he moved as if the music came from his bones. Jo didn’t know what she felt. She agreed with them that he looked perfect onstage. Particularly ethereal performing this song. He is a beautiful man even on his worst days. Her eyes would never tire of looking at him. But she also felt resentment and jealousy. This was her man. Her love. Her beautiful, ethereal, dramatic rockstar. It was her eyes that were meant to gaze upon his features. logically, she knew it was stupid to think that way. But she couldn’t help herself. It felt like she was being forced to share her innermost thoughts and feelings with the entire venue. To reveal her secrets to them. It did not feel good. she thought she’d feel affirmed or vindicated in some way, when, at the end of the show, as Mark rushed him through the crowd, Matty waited, gesturing for her to squeeze away from everyone and come join him. He took her hand in his as he walked through, but they hardly said two words to each other. Matty kept pausing every few steps, either to take a letter that a fan had attempted to hand him, to graciously receive flowers and thank the person who’d brought them, to take a selfie, hold a hand, say hello to an infant baby….

She squeezed his hand tighter as they left the screaming crowds behind and stepped into the backstage area, reassuring herself that he was there. She had him. It was just the two of them now.

“hi, darling.” He said, sweetly, kissing her as he leaned forward to grab a bottle of water and pop it open with his teeth. She ran her fingers through his hair, resting her hand at the base of his neck. “Well done tonight. I’m so proud of you.”

the words had barely left her lips before the rest of the band burst in, filling the hallways with energy and chatter and arguments over who was the hungriest and what they ought to do back at the hotel. jo and Matty’s little moment of quiet had ended. “What the fuck happened during When We Are Together?” Matty asked, seemingly out of nowhere, but George knew that the question was directed at him and chimed in with an answer right away. “It was you, mate, not me! You came in too quick.”

Matty said something too technically complicated for Jo to comprehend, and that’s when she knew that their debrief had already started. It often worked that way. Especially if something particularly good or particularly bad had happened on stage. They would be too impatient to wait for an official meeting or sit-down conversation and would dive in right away. Jo rarely kept up with the details. Not for lack of trying. It wasn’t easy, especially if their conversation happened to revolve around sound issues or equipment, but she still loved being a fly on the wall and watching their investment in little details, their relationship as bandmates, and their passion for what they do. *** Matty made a loud groaning noise as he stepped out of the bathroom, foggy steam following behind him, with nothing but a flimsy towel loosely draped over his hips. “That was the best fuckin shower I’ve ever had! Jesus Christ my legs are sore!”

Jo smiled, overwhelmed by how attractive he looked, naked and wet before her eyes. As she scanned him from head to toes, the crowds comments echoed through her head. They’d praised his chest, his hair, his lips, his eyes. She felt an uncomfortable tightness in her chest, her eyes looking away from Matty’s perfect form, in shame.

“you’ve been suspiciously quiet tonight.” Matty observed, rummaging through his bag for a pair of underwear. “What’s the matter, Jo? You alright?”

“Hmm? Me? Yeah, yeah. All good.”

Matty knew her well enough by now. He put on a pair of boxers, rushing over to her and taking her hands in his. He leaned forward, kissing her. “What’s the matter, my love?” He whispered sweetly. “You seem….i dunno. Like- distracted or something?”

She pulled into him, resting her head on his chest. “It’s….nothing. It’s really silly.”

“tell me. I wanna know.”

she giggled anxiously, “well, it’s just….i feel stupid. I think I’m jealous.”

Matty’s brows furrowed, his arms wrapping around her waist and squeezing her tight. “Jealous?”

“like over you. Jealous. Don’t like it when people are looking at you like- like- they’re fucking you in their imagination.”

Matty let out a loud, deep chuckle, his head thrown back as he laughed.

“don’t laugh! It’s not funny!”

“it kind of is, let’s be real.”

“Matty!” She swatted his chest weakly. “I know it’s dumb. Stupid as fuck. And….they’re fans they’re not…just random people. And they’re at a show. And you…well…youuuu….”

matty giggled, looking down at her “what’d I do?”

“you’re such a slut onstage.”

he let out another giggle, clearly amused, if not flattered, by this conversation. “I know it’s stupid to police their expression of fandom. That’s what shows are meant to be about. And it’s not like they’re being rude or disrespectful, or anything. It’s just….”

“Just what?”

“I don’t know. It feels kinda weird. To know that- like…they see you the way they I see you. They know the little details about you. The faded paper cut from two weeks ago? On your hand? The birth mark on your face? Your tattoos.... They have a favorite shirt of yours. they can tell if you lean too much on one leg cuz the other one’s a bit stiff one night. Or if you maybe didn’t get enough sleep and look a bit run down. They know you. It’s like they’re seeing you through my eyes. It just- it feels a bit weird that’s all.”

Jo thought she must sound absolutely insane to Matty, whose dedication and love for his fans matched theirs. She regretted her confession as soon as she’d said it. “God, I sound so stupid right now.”

“You don’t!” Matty kissed her, stifling a laugh. *** On their way out of the venue, Matty's face remained glued to the window of the car. Suddenly, Jo heard him yell out "There! right there! stop the car!"

The driver hit the breaks; the car came to a screeching halt.

Matty dipped his head into the front seat "feel free to park someplace. might take us a few minutes. thanks, man."

He pulled Jo out of the car along with him as he hopped out. She looked up at the flashing neon sign that he'd been eyeing.

LOVE STRUCK TATTOOS AND PIERCINGS. dot work, colored ink, fine lines.

"They close in....25 minutes" Matty squinted, reading the sign. "Perfect."

"What the fuck?" Jo whispered, as she followed behind.

***

"Mhm, just like that, perfect." Matty nodded down at the design that the artist had managed to scribble.

"And..... where would you like it?" the young woman operating the needle asked, apathetic.

"lets ask her, shall we?" Matty turned towards Jo. "Where do you think? I was thinkin' chest? but maybe thats a bit too crowded? could do arm?"

Jo took a peak at the sketch, her eyes widening in horror. "WHAT THE F-"

The tattoo that Matty was just about to get inked onto his body was, as she found out, a sketch of a mid-sized heart, pierced through with an arrow, containing her name in the middle.

The reticent tattoo artist nodded, "mhm." agreeing with Jo's horror.

"Matty-"

"What? you don't like it?" his big, brown eyes stared up at her. "I think it's pretty. The 'JO' might come out a bit too dark, but Angelica over here assures me that her line work is pristine."

"You're insane!" Jo laughed, covering her mouth with her hands.

"I think maybe under my breast. like right on this ribcage." his fingers traced the spot on his body where he envisioned the tattoo going. "That way, any time I take my shirt off, and do that quite a lot onstage, everyone will know I belong to you." He took his shirt off, setting it aside and climbed into the chair. "want me lower?" he asked Angelica.

"Y-yeah..just a tiny bit. exactly like that. perfect."

Jo stared in horror, rushing to his side as the artist prepped the area. "wh-what- you're crazy. don't you know not to get anyone's name tattooed onto your body! what if we break up!"

"she's kinda right, you know?" Angelica mumbled under her breath.

But Matty did not seem to share the two ladies' concerns. He shrugged. "Well, let's make sure that we never breakup then. Wanna hold my hand?"

"crybaby!" She squeezed his hand.

"oi, be nice to me, I'm doin this for you, you know."

Jo laughed. "Please. this insanity is your idea and yours alone."

#matty healy fanfiction #valentine75 #matty healy fanfic #matty healy fic #matty healy fluff

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nadvs · 6 months ago

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hii i love your story sm that i’ve made a playlist for it😭 i’ll keep adding more songs when new chapters drop, hope you like the playlist <3

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4Zi3iMl05tNIxLQWOPhPVn?si=-o-tD4jBSSiD01QPIrbnRw

HOLD UPPP THIS IS LIKE THE BIGGEST HONOR TO GET AS A WRITER WOW 😭 i saw a post on here ages ago about readers sharing their interpretations of fics through art and music and i remember thinking how cool it would be if someone actually enjoyed my work so much that they created something out of it?? wow i love you 😭😭😭 ok this is gonna get long so i had to put an under the cut but damn i loved this playlist 🥺

first of all i have to say when i saw cry by cigarettes after sex i literally said “no way” out loud because when i tell you how many times i’ve listened to that song while writing this fic because it has the exact vibe that i’m trying to capture… i’m floored!!

like are you joking… rafe hating himself and being unable to see himself as good? years of pushing her away, while wishing deep down he could return her love and wondering why she even has any left for him? god

HAPPINESS IS A BUTTERFLY 🥺 another reader mentioned this song, too!!

him being broken and her seeing past it and still wanting him. it hurts

i have to say when i saw sade on this playlist, i needed a moment… i adore her 🥺

godddd i think this song fits them both 😭 they carry around so much pain and she’s ashamed of not being there for him the way he needed and he’s ashamed of the person he’s become. ow

also sza actually owns my heart fr and this song is so so so beautiful 💘

BOTH POVS like “i don’t want to lose what’s left of you” actually kills me because even though rafe is a broken version of who he used to be, she wants what’s left, and “only like myself when i’m with you” is so him because everyone else wrote him off but she sees the good and being with her is the only time he doesn’t hate himself?

ok this billie song full on made me cry 🥺 “sometimes you look the same, just like you did before the accident” is so painful. the way she sees glimpses of the boy she knew, even for a second 🥺

i actually can’t believe how perfect this is to the story. they have so many “what if’s” between them and it’s the very definition of his grief 😭

like this is actually from her diary. the way she doesn’t tell him all the things that haunt her because she wants him to have his peace. her leaving such a bad relationship and not knowing what it’s like for someone who doesn’t hurt her 😭

i had to pull two lyrics from ghostin because i’m losing it…

this to me just screams the feeling of fate between them. if any other man pushed her away like he did, she’d give up but she’ll never give up on him 😭

HIS POV SO HARD. she never lost patience for him, not once, and he feels so guilty for it 😭 it’d be easier if she hated him so he could hate her back, but she never will!!

not only does rafe suffer because of the drugs, but because of how he decided to cut everyone out, including the girl who knew him best. he pays every day for what happened and how he dealt with it but it became second nature to him 😭

“good looking” is fr one of the most heartbreaking and beautiful songs ever!!

her learning about how deep his trauma goes and uncovering his secrets? her remembering that there was a time he loved her, adored her, and wishing he could find it in his heart to love her again 😭

FYM APPARENTLY TUMBLR HAS AN IMAGE LIMIT OF TEN FOR POSTS?? 😠

this playlist is impeccable. thank you so much for reading my work and for making something that so beautifully compliments it 🥹💘 i fr have put so much into this fic and the feeling of knowing it resonated with someone so much is truly indescribable. I LOVE U

#ask #home

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marblemoonstones · 1 year ago

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we were in screaming color 🩵

main masterlist

summary: you didn’t want to go back to your hometown, not when your frustrating parents were there. you left that life behind. but who knew that rebuilding your old elementary school would also bring a new romance?

warnings: f reader, curse words, angst, frustrating/toxic parents, car accident (nothing graphic)

word count: ~ 6.7k (longest fic written so far!! 🥳)

a/n: I’m super excited to start this series :) 💗 (song lyrics won’t start until later into the fic bc I had to add background details. most of the lyrics will be used)

song: out of the woods

album: 1989 (taylor’s version)

trope: small hometown romance

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The year was 1989…

“Mom, dad, I have something to tell you,” I say, trying not to pace anxiously.

“Sweetie, is something wrong?” Mom asks, her eyebrows furrowed in worry.

Dad also looks nervous, as I never usually act in this manner. They’re both sitting on our worn cream couch, slightly sagging from overuse.

“Well…you know how I wanted to go pursue my architecture degree in Seoul?” I ask, remembering their horrified reactions to me having a desire to move out of our small hometown of Tonjung.

“Yes, I remember. And I also remember us not wanting you to leave,” Dad says, his face solemn and sure.

That’s funny. They both think I’m staying.

“I know, but I got into the University of Seoul School of Architecture,” I say, hoping that they’ll be at least a little proud. But knowing deep in my heart that they won’t care.

“Good for you honey, but I thought you were going to stay here and run the family business. You’re the only child we have, y/n. You have to carry on the legacy,” Mom says firmly.

“That’s what you want,” I sigh, already weary of the conversation, “But I want to go and live my dream.” Every time that I bring architecture up they always dismiss it. I don’t know whether or not it’s because they don’t believe in me or because they want me to follow their perfect vision.

“You and your dreams! Don’t you care about your family at all? Our dream is to be grandparents! Why don’t you settle down here and find a nice boy and-“

“Mom, dad, enough!” I hiss, my anger finally boiling over, “I don’t want to fucking live in your dream, I have a dream of my own. And I’ll be damned if I let this opportunity go to waste. I already paid for everything and set it up, so I just wanted to see if you were going to support me. But I guess not.”

My parents are now in shock, eyes wide and mouths slightly agape. But I don’t care.

“Goodbye.”

And with that, I leave, grabbing my suitcases that I had hidden and waiting by the door. The tears prickle at the edge of my eyes.

“Honey!”

“Wait!”

They shout, but I ignore them. Opening the door, I run straight into a man. Oh, is this another poor soul that they’re trying to set me up with? Too bad for him.

I shove my shit into the car and start it. Turning out of the driveway, I’m off to my new life.

Thirteen years later

“Ms. Choi! We need you to sign this, approving the floor plan for the new hospital. We added all the details you requested and-“

(I don’t know anything about architecture, so I’m trying to not add details. I’m sorry if I’m inaccurate with anything!)

I sign it quickly and then walk to the meeting room. My assistant has a ‘new project’ that I’ll ‘definitely want to be a part of!’ That means one of two things: either it’s a horrible project and they’re trying to hype it up so I’ll do it, or it’s actually a good investment and I’ll be pleasantly surprised.

I tend to have a ‘pessimistic’ point of view, but that’s only because I have high standards. After graduating top of my class, I started a job at one of the top architect corporations, Park Designs. Slowly climbing the ranks, I am now one of the top architects at Park. And it only took me five years. Some of my classmates are still low class designers at middle-class businesses. Not to sound cocky of course, but I had to work my ass off in college and during my internships. While my classmates were out partying and drinking, I was working on my designs and making sure they was the best.

Stepping into the meeting room, I’m not surprised to see my assistant, Jungwoon, but I am surprised to see my boss Seonming. Seonming usually doesn’t come to these meetings, as she’s usually busy helping the CEO, Park Ji-young.

“Hello y/n, it’s good to see you,” Seonming says shaking my hand. I’ve always admired Seonming, partly because she’s an amazing architect and partly because she’s a high ranking woman in a usually male dominated field.

“Good morning Seonming, it’s good to see you too,” I say, meaning every word.

I take a seat in the plush chairs, glad to get the nice meeting room.

“You’re probably wondering why I’m in here. As you know, I don’t usually comes when there’s a new project for you,” Seonming starts, “But this project is especially personal, and I wanted to pitch it to you.”

Personal? What does she mean by that?

Jungwoon hands me the files before bowing and leaving the room.

“Before you look at it, please know that I specifically selected you for this project because I know that you like designing for the greater good. You have a good heart, y/n, and that’s why I chose you for this. Not for any other reason,” Seonming says, making me wonder what’s so special about this project.

I take a deep breath and open the files. Instantly, I see the location. Tonjung, South Korea. Oh no, oh no no no.

“Now, before you get all mad, please understand-“

“Seonming. You know why I can’t do this. I left that life behind for a reason,” I say, irritation rising in me. Seonming of all people knows why I can’t go back! I haven’t seen my parents in years, only talking to them at the holidays or our respective birthdays. Our relationship is formal at best.

“I know y/n, but please consider it. You haven’t even looked at the project yet,” Seonming says implored.

I know she’s right, as she always is, so I scan the summary. Building a new school? Did something happen to my elementary school?

“What happened to Tonjung Elementary?” I ask, thinking about the cozy and warm school I went to.

“There was an earthquake,” Seonming explains, “And it all but destroyed the current school. They need an architect who can rebuild the school, and I recommended you. Not because you used to live there, but because I knew you’d be able to do it justice.”

Damn. Seonming is really good at making someone feel guilty. She knows I’m a sucker for humanitarian projects, whether it be building a new hospital or, in this case, a new school.

Why didn’t I know that the earthquake happened? Why didn’t my parents tell me? I’m assuming it’s because they think I don’t care, but just because I left doesn’t mean I don’t have an attachment to the town I grew up in.

I sigh, already knowing my answer.

“Okay…I guess for Tonjung Elementary…” I grumble, trying to ignore the happy look on Seonming’s face.

“Great! You’ll have to stay there for a while, of course, but the project doesn’t start for another two weeks. That should give you enough time!” Seonming is being surprisingly brief with details. Usually she gives me a full run down and explains every last aspect.

“Okay…how long will this last?” I ask, suspicious.

“Oh, yeah, it’s supposed to last two to three years. Anyways, I’ll send the rest of the information soon! Have a good day y/n!” Seonming leaves in a rush, clearly trying to avoid me so I can’t back out.

Two to three years? In my hometown? With my parents? Oh boy. What did I just agree to?

Two weeks fly by and before I know it I’m leaving with a lot of my stuff. Even though I may come back to the city once in a while, it won’t be often because the drive from Seoul to Tonjung is a good seven hours.

“Goodbye y/n! Have safe travels and try to have a little fun,” Jungwoon says. He’s handling my office while I’m gone. I trust him, and I know he’ll do a good job.

“Thanks, Jungwoon. And don’t forget to text me if there are any problems!” I call, waving as I drive off.

I put on music and try to enjoy the long drive. It is beautiful by the coast, and if I ignore the awkwardness with my parents, then going back home isn’t too bad.

I’m just glad that I’m staying at an Air BnB because otherwise I’d have to endure my parents’ constant nagging about how I left them, how I need to settle down, and all that bullshit. Besides, I’m only thirty-two. I have plenty of time to find a partner. I want to keep working towards my goal, becoming a CEO (like Park Ji-young) of my own architectural business.

The drive passes by quickly, and soon the tall skyscrapers of Seoul turn into quaint houses with chipping paint.

I pull into the Air BnB and get out of my car. Breathing in the salty air, I feel the crisp breeze on my skin. It’s June and the weather is a bit hot at times so the breeze is a nice reprieve. I start yo unload my stuff and place it in the bedroom. This is a nice Air BnB because it has all the essentials (washer, dryer, dishwasher, etc.) for one person.

I go to the bathroom and freshen up. After changing my clothes, I decide to rip the bandaid off and go to my parents since it’s only about 3 in the afternoon.

Tonjung is small enough to walk place to place, and my parents’ house is only a couple blocks over from the Air BnB.

I steady myself before knocking on the door. The aqua paint that used to be cheerful and welcoming now feels cheap and tacky.

The door opens, and my dad’s face appears. He opens the door slightly wider for me to come in, but I can tell he’s not that happy to see me.

“Hi honey, come on in. Your mom’s in the living room.” He shuts the door behind me and I feel as though I’m heading straight to my doom.

I cautiously step into the room and see my mom.

“Hi mom…it’s good to see you again,” I say, tentative of how this visit will go.

She turns her head.

“Hi sweetie. How are you?” It’s turning into another one of our phone calls. Only this time I can’t make an excuse and hang up.

“I’m fine. It’s good to be back.” I hesitate on what to say next, trying to break the awkwardness that’s lingering in the air like stale perfume.

“Good to have you back. Maybe this time you’ll stay,” mom says, and I stiffen.

“You know I had to go. And look at me now, I’ve achieved so much.” I always try my hardest to make my parents proud, even if they don’t know it.

“Yes honey, you have. So why don’t you come back here for good? You can do your building business or whatever it is you do from here.”

Mom never understands. It’s not just a ‘building business,’ it’s my life. I have big goals, and they’re only going to happen if I keep pursuing them.

“Mom, you know I can’t move back here. I have to continue in Seoul because that’s where there are better opportunities for me,” I try to explain. Before anyone can say anything else, I hear a knock on the door.

“Oh, that must be Namjoon,” my dad says, going to open the door.

Namjoon? Kim Namjoon?

“Hey Namjoon! Yes yes, come on in. She’s right here.” Dad leads the handsome man over to me.

“Hey, y/n! Long time no see.”

Kim Namjoon sure has grown into those long legs and dimples. His eyes have always been beautifully sculpted, but they’re even more gorgeous now. I notice that he’s got some serious muscles in him now too. Seems he’s discovered working out.

“Hey Namjoon. Haven’t seen you in a while,” I say, trying (and failing) not to seem awkward.

“Namjoon here has grown up, hasn’t he y/n? And he even stayed in town,” Mom says pointedly.

I roll my eyes. So small town Namjoon stayed in the small town. Mom and dad probably wish he was their child.

“Okay, mom. I get it. Now, not to break up whatever this-“ I gesture to mom and I- “is, why did you call Namjoon here?”

“Oh! It’s because I’m the principal of Tonjung Elementary. We’ll be working together on the rebuilding a lot,” Namjoon explains.

“Oh that’s fun…” I trail off, not sure what else to say. Yay? Spending two to three years working with someone I haven’t seen in ages?

“Yes it is! Now, why don’t you two mosey on down to the beach and get to know each other after such a long time. I’m sure there’s much to catch up on. And your father and I have to go to the store.” Mom practically forces us out, and before I know it Namjoon and I are standing outside the front door. So much for subtleness. Mom just wants me to find a boyfriend.

“That was quick,” I mumble, “Even for them.” Usually our visits on the phone last at least fifteen minutes, but this one breaks the record with being about five.

Namjoon chuckles. I blush, not knowing that he heard me.

“Well, it seems that we are supposed to go to the beach. Shall we?” Polite as ever, Namjoon is.

“Sure. We shall.”

Traipsing down we make our way to the beach and I immediately take off of my shoes to feel the sand. I find a good spot and sit down and stare at the ocean. The crashing waves do little to smooth my mind.

“So…” Namjoon starts, sitting down next to me. “You escaped. And you’re very successful now. I’ve seen you in magazines and such.”

Magazines? My name is almost never mentioned but I suppose there were a couple pieces written about my various projects.

“Heh, yeah. I’m lucky to be where I am today,” I affirm as I start drawing hearts in the sand.

“Yeah…the last time I saw you you weren’t doing the best so I’m glad you made it.” Namjoon has a look in his eyes I don’t recognize. Pity? Sympathy?

“Wait when was the last time I saw you?” I don’t remember seeing him since high school graduation.

“When you were leaving. For college. After,” Namjoon winces, “The fight with your parents.”

Wait how did he see me then? Unless-

“YOU were the man outside the door! I thought it was another random man my parents were trying to set me up with!” I exclaim.

Namjoon smiles sheepishly.

“Well…that was me. And I wasn’t just there for fun…”

“Ohhh so you were another poor suitor sent by my parents,” I side eye him for a second before we both burst into laughter.

“Ah yes, that’s me. A ‘suitor’ for you! Perhaps you should like to date me madam?” Namjoon says in an accent.

As I laugh, I think, Was he always this funny? I guess he’s more goofy now than in high school.

“Nah, I’m not ready to date anyone. I have to start my own architectural corporation first,” I say wistfully. Someday.

“Oh yeah, I bet you’ll be able to do that. You always were so driven, even in high school,” Namjoon says, reminiscing.

“Ugh, don’t remind me! I remember when I missed senior homecoming because I had to study.”

I wanted to go, but I had a huge AP chem test the next day that I ‘couldn’t afford to fail.’ So, while my other classmates were dancing to ‘Party Rock’ I was at home poring over my textbooks. It paid off, I suppose, because I aced the test, but it wasn’t worth missing homecoming.

“Those dances weren’t that fun anyways,” Namjoon says, breaking my train of thought.

“Oh! Yes I guess they weren’t. I wonder how everyone’s doing nowadays. I haven’t spoken to any of them in ages,” I mused. I’m only friends with some of them on social media, and even then I don’t check it frequently enough to know what’s happening in their lives.

“Remember Cho Eun Jung? Well, now she’s a famous fashion designer. Heard her designs were featured in Paris Fashion Week or something. And little Kim Ha-Joon? He has a family of his own now. They moved to America a while ago,” Namjoon notes, nose crinkling as he thinks.

“Wow. Seems as if everyone’s out there living their life and I’m stuck in Seoul, single and still pursuing my dream career,” I say, melancholy sinking in. The truth is, what have I done with my life? Sure, I’m a successful architect but I’m not famous and I don’t have a family. I’m not even close with the family that I do have.

“Hey, don’t think of yourself that way. You’re still successful, I mean only five years and now you’re a top architect at one of the top corporations. I’d say that’s impressive,” Namjoon says, making me laugh.

“Thanks, Namjoon. And look at you, principal on Tonjung Elementary. That’s impressive. If you don’t mind me asking, what happened to Mr. Han?” Mr. Han was our principal when Namjoon and I went to Tonjung.

“I don’t mind at all, and he retired. I think he’s living around here somewhere with his wife,” replies Namjoon. I’m glad that Mr. Han retired, he deserves it. That man was an excellent principal.

“Oh, that’s good. I’m happy for him. I’m also happy for you, and I’m happy that we can catch up. I mean, we are going to be working together for a couple years,” I say sheepishly.

“That’s true. I��m glad that it’s you who I’m working with,” Namjoon says, flashing me a smile, his dimples prominent.

I smile back.

“Me too.”

(I won’t be adding many details about the new school design because I am not an architect and don’t want to mess up anything about the process :))

The months pass by in a whirlwind with planning and sketching the new school. Namjoon and I try to make it similar to the old one, but there are a few modern adjustments that we add.

Currently, all of the students are having to go to school in a neighboring town. Namjoon and I work as quickly as we can so that they can come back and attend school here.

September arrives and with it cooler weather. The leaves are starting to turn their gorgeous shades and I start wearing my knit sweaters.

One day I’m heading over to Namjoon’s house because I forgot my laptop charger. I knock on his cerulean door and he answers, smiling that cute grin of his.

“Hey y/n! Come on in. I’m assuming you’re here for your laptop charger?”

I step inside, replying “Yes! I can’t believe I left it here. I’m so forgetful sometimes.”

I grab it off of the coffee table, and am about to leave when Namjoon clears his throat.

“Would…you like to stay for a bit? I remember you wanting to watch that new k-drama and it just came out. You don’t have to though if you don’t want to! Sorry, I just thought maybe-“

“Namjoon,” I interrupt, smiling internally at his shyness, “It’s fine. I’d love to stay for a while. I’m glad that you remember when the k-drama was coming out because I sure didn’t!”

After popping popcorn (our second bag as Namjoon burnt the first batch) and grabbing sodas we settle down to watch ‘Business Proposal’ (I know it didn’t come out this early but I love this k-drama okay? 😭).

We binged the whole season that afternoon. After the last episode my stomach hurt from all the popcorn and soda but my heart was full.

“The last scene was so pretty! Those cherry blossoms…” I sigh as I lean back into the couch, “I can only dream to have such a perfect proposal someday.”

“I know the right person will come along y/n. Just wait and see,” Namjoon says with such certainty that I look at him. How does he know that I’ll find someone?

“Yeah, I guess so,” I reply, letting my head drop to the couch. If I close my eyes, I can just imagine that this little moment was perfect. Namjoon and I in a perfect bubble. No outsiders or prying parents to belittle me.

‎♪ looking at it now

it all seems so simple ‎♪

I hear the sound of a flash and open my eyes to see Namjoon holding a Polaroid camera.

“Hey! Did you just take a picture of me?” I gasp at him as he grins sheepishly.

“Maybe?”

“Why?” I ask him, trying to grab the camera out of his hand.

“Because! Look,” Namjoon says, showing me the picture.

I look so pensive, eyes closed to the world. The sun beams down through the window and hits my face perfectly like I’m in a movie. My hair is spread on the couch in a surprisingly beautiful way.

‎♪ we were lying on your couch

I remember ‎♪

“Wow, I didn’t know you had such a touch for photography Namjoon!” I praise, seeing the man blush.

“Oh, it’s not that hard when I have a great subject to photograph.” Namjoon waves off the compliment.

“Can I keep the picture?” I ask, grinning excitedly when he drops it into my hands, “Thanks!”

Namjoon holds the camera out in front of both of us. “Let’s take a selfie together, y/n.”

“Okay!” I say, getting close and throwing up a peace sign. Flash!

‎♪ you took a Polaroid of us

then discovered ‎♪

The picture comes out beautifully, the sun hitting the two of us just right and our beaming faces genuine.

“Aww, we look so cute Namjoon. Why don’t you keep this picture because you let me keep the first one. A memory when we watched Business Proposal!” I cheer, feeling happy for the first time in a while.

When was the last time I let myself just be with someone? No work, no worrying about parents or expectations. Just me and them.

‎♪ the rest of the world was black and white

but we were in screaming color ‎♪

I blink, surprised with my sudden desire to cry. Was my life so monotone that simple moments like these made me happy? Did…Namjoon make me happy? No, it was just the fun of hanging out with someone. That’s why, I’m riding the high of having a true friendship. No other reason.

‎♪ and I remember thinking

are we out of the woods yet?

are we in the clear yet? ‎♪

It’s December and the air is cooler as winter sneaks in. I’m over at his house about a week until Christmas, complaining about my parents (yet again).

“They want me to go to their annual Christmas party! Which is fine, because, like, my family will be there, but that means a night of suffering as they compare me to my cousins. Half of my cousins are married, some have children, and the others at least live close by. I don’t check any of those boxes so they’ll just use the night to make me feel guilty!” I rant while sitting on Namjoon’s couch.

‎♪ looking at it now

last this december ‎♪

Namjoon winces.

“I’m sorry…do your parents even know how they make you feel?”

“But it’s not just my family! You know my parents, they invite the whole damn town!” I plow on, then stop after realizing Namjoon said something, “Sorry, what did you say?”

“I said that I’m sorry and asked if your parents know how bad they make you feel. It’s obvious they don’t, but have you tried talking to them about it?” Namjoon repeats.

“Oh, don’t apologize. It’s not your fault they’re this way. And yeah, I have tried to talk to them. Since high school, actually, when I told them I wanted to pursue being an architect. But they turned it down immediately! They didn’t even listen to me!” I put my head into my hands.

Namjoon puts his arm around me in a half hug.

“I wish there was a way for me to help you, y/n. If it makes you feel any better, I can come to the party with you. Your parents did invite me.”

Of course they did. They want me to find someone so desperately that they probably invited all of the eligible bachelors in Tonjung.

I lean into Namjoon’s hug, trying to absorb some of his calming aura.

‎♪ we were built to fall apart

then fall back together ‎♪

The day of the dreaded party arrives and I shove myself into a sparkly red dress that’s itchy and uncomfortable. I feel like a present.

At precisely 5:20pm my doorbell rings. Grabbing my purse I open the door to see Namjoon. In a suit. Wow, he cleans up nice.

“Joon! You look great. That suit looks great on you,” I babble. Since when have I been nervous around him?

“Same to you! Well, not about the suit but that dress. Looks really good on you,” Namjoon stumbles out. Looks like I’m not the only awkward one.

I smile.

“Thank you Namjoon. Shall we?”

“Oh! Before we leave, I wanted to give you your Christmas gift.” He brings out a small velvet box from behind his back.

I gasp, then say, “Joon! You didn’t have to get me anything. I didn’t get you anything!”

“It’s okay,” Namjoon says, stepping inside, “I don’t need anything. I’m just glad that we’re friends.”

He hands me the box and I open it. Inside is a simple chain necklace with a gold North Star charm at the end. I look closer at it and realize-

“Namjoon! This is your necklace! I can’t accept this. It’s yours!” I try to give him the box back but he refuses.

“Please accept it. It will look perfect on you,” Namjoon pleads, and after trying again to give it back but failing, I accept it.

“Okay, Joon, thank you. It’s beautiful. Could you help me put it on?”

“Of course.”

He takes it out gently and brings it in front of my neck. Fastening it carefully I look down at it.

It fits perfectly.

‎♪ ooh, your necklace hanging from my neck

the night we couldn’t quite forget ‎♪

The party is dull. My parents compare me to my cousins, introduce me to tasteless men, and force me to talk to their judgmental friends. Luckily, Joon is there to help ease some of the pain. We last about an hour before leaving, saying we have ‘work to do on the design.’ To which my parents ignore. Oh well. Who cares? Not me.

Namjoon and I go to his house after (we always go to his house instead of my Air BnB because I said it feels more cozy). We collapse on the couch and laugh, thinking about our escapades at the party. Counting how many mini quiches my cousin ate, seeing how many chocolates we could sneak into Namjoon’s pocket.

“Hey! Why don’t we do karaoke? That’ll be fun way to ring in Christmas!” Namjoon says excitedly. And he’s right. It is Christmas Eve after all.

“Okay,” I agree. And we move the coffee table and chairs and then plug in the machine. After a couple rounds we tire out and decide to just listen to the Christmas radio. Jingle Bell Rock comes on and I find myself pulling Namjoon up off the couch.

“C’mon Joon, dance with me!” He’s reluctant at first but eventually we find a rhythm, happy and free.

‎♪ when we decided, we decided

to move the furniture so we could dance ‎♪

White Christmas comes on and Namjoon grabs my hand and we start to slowly ‘waltz’ around the room (it’s mostly swaying). I feel my heart start to beat faster, my face flush.

‎♪ baby, like we stood a chance ‎♪

I can feel Namjoon’s body heat and force myself to look into his eyes. Those, caring, sweet, beautiful eyes. He looks back at me. Our faces are mere inches apart, and I slowly press my lips to his. He doesn’t pull away.

‎♪ two paper airplanes flying, flying, flying ‎♪

I spend the night, wearing his clothes and sleeping next to him. We cuddle up and wake up together on Christmas morning.

“Good morning beautiful,” Namjoon says in his deep morning voice.

I blush.

“Good morning Joon,” I reply, trying to hide my face.

“Merry Christmas,” he says, pressing a gentle kiss to my forehead.

“Merry Christmas. I’m sorry I didn’t get you a gift,” I say, still thinking of what I could give him.

“Don’t apologize, sweetheart. You are the best gift.”

‎♪ and I remember thinking

are we out of the woods yet?

are we in the clear yet? ‎♪

December turns to April, four months of dating Namjoon. My parents are overjoyed, but I manage to ignore their suggestive comments and instead focus on the man himself.

Valentine’s Day is a whole affair, Namjoon giving me the biggest bouquet of wildflowers, handpicked by him. And if that wasn’t enough, he also gifts me a whole bouquet of chocolate-covered strawberries (which he found out are my most favorite food ever). I get him a moon necklace that matches my North Star one, teasing, “Now we can be one of those cheesy couples who have matching necklaces.”

On a muddy spring day in March we make a spontaneous trip to a neighboring town’s traveling carnival. After buying sugary cotton candy and popcorn, Namjoon and I try our hands at the games. We each win a stuffed animal for each other, me winning him a koala and him winning me a giant panda. Their names are Koya and James respectively. The carousel is fun, us holding hands like lovesick teenagers the entire time and (probably) annoying all the kids riding. At the end of the day Namjoon and I go on the Ferris wheel, kissing sweetly at the top beneath the velvet starry sky.

Namjoon makes me feel the happiest I’ve ever felt. My self esteem has definitely improved and my heart is constantly full. He treats me like a queen and I hope that I treat him like the king that he is.

We go on cute dates around town. Coffee shop dates on rainy days, reading for hours on end at the library, feeding each other chocolate-covered strawberries at the park. Although, I think the best ones are either a simple afternoon at the beach or cuddling on the couch.

We often dance together in his living room, two souls in their own world. Just like the day of the Polaroid picture (which he has up on his wall), I feel as though I’m in my own bubble of joy.

‎♪ are we out of the woods yet?

are we in the clear yet? ‎♪

But not all good things last forever.

Talk of the future rarely come up, but when it does Namjoon is surprisingly avoidant of answering anything. I know that I have my job in the city, and I also know that he loves the beach and being away from crowds of people. How could this work?

A particularly bad argument leads to me storming out, irritated that Namjoon doesn’t want to discuss our relationship after the school is finished. And with how far it’s progressing, it looks to be done in about a year.

“Sweetheart, please. I’m not ready to talk about this yet because I don’t want to think about it,” Namjoon implores as I start to gather my things.

“You’re never ready. We have to talk about it someday, and I need to know about the future of us.” I’m so frustrated about this reoccurring disagreement, and this is a sign that it’s time for me to leave. “I’m leaving, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” His hand on my arm only further annoys me.

“Sweets, please don’t leave. I just…have commitment issues. Forgive me, but thinking that far ahead makes me feel tied down. I just want to live in the moment,” he pleads.

I look into those dark eyes and see something vulnerable and raw in there. There’s a nagging voice in the back of my head that says to stay but I turn and go out the door.

“Y/n!”

‎♪ remember when you hit the brakes too soon?

twenty stitches in a hospital room ‎♪

I get into my car and start driving in the downpour. I don’t know where I’m going, but I do know that I need to get out of this town.

The rocky cliffs are jagged in the lightning and I angrily pump the gas once more. I see a shape dart out and try to hit the brakes. But I’m too slow. All I see is black as the world fades away.

‎♪ when you started crying, baby, I did too

but when the sun came up, I was looking at you ‎♪

I groggily open my eyes and the first thing I see is a body sitting in a chair. As I come to, I also notice curtains and an IV. I’m in a hospital.

“Y/n! Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I feel like it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have let you leave I should’ve made you stay and you could’ve died…”

Namjoon.

He’s here.

I turn to look at him and smile weakly.

“Joon, it’s okay. I’m okay.”

Those words seem to break him and he comes and holds me close while sobbing.

‎♪ I was looking at you ‎♪

After he’s calmed down he tells me what happened. I hit a deer last night and had a concussion. After finding me and rushing me to the hospital I had to have twenty stitches (this probably isn’t accurate and I apologize).

Namjoon tells me that my parents have come to visit but I wasn’t awake when they came. It’s now two pm.

“I’m so sorry. So so sorry. It was my fault and I shouldn’t have let you leave-“

“Namjoon.” I cut off his rambling, “You sound like a broken record. It’s okay. I’m okay. Can we talk about what happened before the accident?” I know it’s quick, but I need to know before another horrible happens.

I feel his hand tense before he says, “Sure.”

“Please, Namjoon, tell me why you have commitment issues. I want to know everything about you. Please tell me. I want to be with you, I want to stay with you, but we need to be able to trust each other. Trust me, Namjoon,” I beg, trying to understand.

‎♪ remember when we couldn’t take the heat?

I walked out, I said “I’m setting you free” ‎♪

Namjoon casts his eyes down.

“I’m sorry y/n…you deserve to know. I-I’ll do my best to explain it.” He takes a deep breath before continuing. “The future used to be something I would obsess over, planned to the very last detail. I had a girlfriend that I dated all through college, and I truly thought that she was the one.” It doesn’t bother me that Namjoon had another girlfriend, but I’m surprised he didn’t tell me about her sooner.

“She was a part of my future, but I suddenly found out that she’s been cheating. That changed everything. My whole future was thrown askew. It was then that I decided to live freely and not worry about the future because I didn’t know what was in store. To not be tied down and to be spontaneous,” Namjoon finishes.

‎♪ but the monsters turned out to be just trees ‎♪

It makes so much sense, why he wants to live this free life. I understand that his past girlfriend scarred him in many ways, and I don’t blame him for being nervous. But I still wish he would’ve told me all this.

“I understand Namjoon, and I’m sorry that happened to you. Why didn’t you tell me this before? I know we’ve only been dating for a couple months, but I feel that this is something important to share.”

“I know, and I’m sorry. I should’ve told you all this. Do you think you could forgive me? I promise that I will try to be more open and think a little bit more about my future with you,” Namjoon vows.

“I will forgive you. Eventually. But we need to work on communication if we want this to work.” I raise my eyebrows at him.

“Deal.”

He leans over to kiss my cheek.

‎♪ when the sun came up you were looking at me ‎ ‎♪

And I let him.

‎♪ you were looking at me ‎♪

Two years later

The beach is hardly crowded today, only a few people set up with their umbrellas. Which is surprising, since it’s the start of summer. I guess the tourist waves hasn’t hit yet.

Joon carries a picnic basket in one hand and holds mine in his other. He says that he has a surprise date planned, but I don’t see much of a surprise because of the picnic basket.

We decided that it was best to take things slow, build up trust within one another. While the school was being finished, we took time to relax and get to know each other a bit better. Joon opened up more and I listened and now I better understand him. After the school was done, we had a big talk about our future.

I decided to quit my job and start my own architecture business in Tonjung, letting me live that CEO life while also being in Namjoon’s life. It’s a pretty successful corporation, as my main goal was to focus on smaller towns and help them.

I also had a big talking to with my parents. I explained how I felt and tried to get them to listen and understand me. They still want grandchildren, but they’re a little more understanding now of how that may or may not happen.

Joon and I aren’t even married yet, let alone thinking about children. Right now, all I want to do is enjoy this picnic ‘surprise’ date that he’s set up.

“Here’s the perfect spot for the picnic,” Joon says, leading me to a place away from other people while also being shaded. So much for a surprise.

We spread the blanket out then open the basket. I instantly see the chocolate-covered strawberries that I adore so much and grab one to munch on.

“You and your strawberries,” Joon says fondly, shaking his head at me.

“Hey, what can I say, I love them,” I mumble with my mouth full.

Joon laughs and I see those dimples of his pop out. That grin still never fails to make me have butterflies.

“And I love you.” He kisses the top of my head.

We enjoy the picnic and as we’re packing up Joon stops me.

“Wait, y/n, I have the surprise.”

I look at him questioningly as he pulls out a tiny box.

Then he gets down on one knee.

I start to go teary-eyed.

“Choi y/n, I know this isn’t a cherry blossom proposal from Business Proposal-“

I laugh at that, thinking about that evening.

“-but I hope this is just as special. You are the most talented, smart, amazing, and gorgeous woman I’ve ever met. Even in high school you were already surpassing everyone else. I’m so lucky to call you my girlfriend. Thank you for putting up with me and for loving me as I am. You never fail to make me laugh and always make me feel better when I’m having a rough day. I trust you more than anyone and I love you more than you will ever know.”

I let the tears fall as Joon finishes.

“And with that, I ask you, Choi y/n, will you marry me?”

Blinking, I answer the question.

“Yes.”

‎♪ are we out of the woods yet?

are we out of the woods yet?

are we out of the woods?

are we in the clear yet?

in the clear yet, good ‎♪

a/n: thanks for reading! 💕

#bts #bts x reader #kimnamjoon x reader #namjoon x reader #taylor swift #taylor swift eras #1989 taylor's version #1989 x bts #marblemoonstones #bangtan boys x ts eras - mm #romance #tropes

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a-reader-and-a-writer-for-all · 2 years ago

Text

All I Want For Christmas is You

Fandom: DC, The Suicide Squad, Rick Flag, f!reader

Summary: Last Christmas Eve, Rick had a special surprise for you. This Christmas Eve, another big event is happening as well.

Word Count: 1562

TW: Author's Decision Not to Add Them. Read at your Own Risk

Christmas Eve was a little late in the season to start decorating your tree, but with Rick’s insane work schedule, this was the first day that both of you had been off all month. So, after Rick had taken you out for a very fancy dinner, the two of you returned to your shared apartment to get at least a few decorations up before the next morning.

As you hurriedly tried to put ornaments on the tree, Rick seemed more interested in finding the perfect music to “put us in the Christmas spirit.” You kept trying to tell him that the decorations would also accomplish that, but for some reason, he was dead set on this music. Finally, he seemed to find something he liked.

As he hit play, Rick grabbed you around the waist and began dragging you away from the tree. “Oh, come on, we both love this song!”

You sighed loudly, trying to wiggle out of his grasp. “Rick! Careful! I’m going to drop the ornaments!”

“Come dance with me!”

“No! I thought the whole point of this was to get things ready for tomorrow. What’s gotten into you tonight?”

“I don’t know, darlin’. Maybe you?” He lightly pressed his lips to your forehead, before whispering into your hair. “Just, please, dance with me.”

You rolled your eyes before slipping one of your hands into his, the other curling around his hip. As you began to sway in time to the music, you sang,

I don't want a lot for Christmas

There is just one thing I need

I don't care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree

I just want you for my own

More than you could ever know

Make my wish come true

All I want for Christmas is you

Rick smiled as he began to twirl you around, matching your voice in perfect harmony. You always loved his voice, so deep and gravelly with its slight Southern twang, but when he sang….it was still just as deep, but it somehow became as smooth as butter. Normally, you could listen to it for hours.

However, right now the two of you were jumping up and down while screaming the lyrics rather than singing them. Though you had been reluctant at first, you let yourself get wrapped up in the song. And as it came to the last part, you spun around to face Rick, ready to yell the last verse into his face. But you stopped dead, falling silent immediately, as you saw him down on one knee in front of you, a ring box in his hand.

He smiled at your stunned reaction as he finished singing in his best, most melodic voice,

Oh, I don't want a lot for Christmas

This is all I'm asking for

I just wanna see my baby standing right outside my door

Oh, I just want you for my own

More than you could ever know

Make my wish come true

Oh, baby, all I want for Christmas is you

On the last line, he lifted the lid to the box to reveal a sparkling diamond nestled inside. You gasped as you took in its beauty. But your eyes quickly snapped back to Rick’s face. “Is this-are you really..”

“Well, I am if you would give me the chance, darlin’.” Rick chuckled, before clearing his throat. “The last two years we’ve been together have been the best years of my life. You have made me happier than I ever thought I could be, and I don’t ever want that to end. So, I’m asking you if-”

“Yes.”

“Darlin’, let me actually ask!”

“I don’t care. The answer is yes, hell yes, a million times yes!” You threw your arms around him as you placed a huge, passionate kiss on his lips.

But he pulled back. “Fine, I won’t ask, but can I at least put the ring on your finger?”

You nodded happily and he took the diamond out of the box. He slid it carefully down the fourth finger on your left hand, where it nestled gently at the base. It was a perfect fit.

You placed your left hand gently on his cheek, admiring how the ring sparkled in the glow of the Christmas lights. “I love you, Rick.”

“I love you too, darlin’. So, very much.”

Now, exactly one year to the day since Rick proposed, you stand in front of your full-length mirror examining your appearance. It had taken most of the afternoon, but your hair is artfully styled, and your makeup is flawless. Harley had offered to come by and help you get ready, but you told her you wanted to do this yourself. You needed time alone to calm your nerves and prepare yourself for tonight’s ceremony, and she had reluctantly agreed. But she was waiting at the church along with Cleo and DuBois. And Rick.

Your shaky hands smooth out the material of your dress. You had looked through hundreds of dresses before deciding on this one, but you knew Rick would love it. It hit you in all the right places, accentuating his favorite parts of your body, while still managing to look classy and elegant. It had just seemed right and now as you look at your reflection, you are pleased with your decision. It is going to be a small ceremony, just those closest to you and Rick, but you still want to look beautiful for him.

Glancing at the clock, you curse softly. You were supposed to have left fifteen minutes ago, the traffic was bad enough on a normal day, let alone on Christmas Eve. You know they can’t start without you, but you think about Rick waiting at the church all alone and you quickly grab your things. With one last look around your apartment to make sure you have everything, you hurry out.

As your cab approaches the curb outside the church, you can feel butterflies emerging from their chrysalises inside your stomach. Their soft, hesitant fluttering is quickly growing into a full-blown cyclone of activity as DuBois opens the car door for you. As you climb out, he pulls you into a tight embrace before giving you a once over.

“You look beautiful.” He says, squeezing your hand.

You blush as you duck your head and whisper, “Thank you, Robert. And thank you for doing this.”

He nudges your chin up softly. “Hey, anything for you or Flag.” He offers you his hand. “Everyone else is already inside. Are you ready?”

Taking a deep breath, you nod and place your hand in his. “Let’s do this.”

As the two of you start walking up the stairs to the doors of the church, the butterflies seem to multiple ten-fold. You lightly run your thumb over your engagement ring as you remind yourself that Rick is just on the other side of these doors. He’s waiting for you along with your family and friends and you are already late. But you still hesitate for just a second as you and DuBois reach the front door of the church. Then with a final deep breath, you push them open.

All eyes turn to you as you begin to walk down the aisle, but you don’t pay them any attention. You see Rick at the altar in front of you and that is the only thing you care about. Tears start to fill your eyes and, for a moment, your step falters just a little. DuBois grips your hand tighter, and you give him a slight nod of appreciation as the two of you continue down the aisle.

As you reach the front of the church, DuBois steps to the side to leave you and Rick there alone. The very sight of him always took your breath away. And even now, in his suit and tie, his hair brushed just the way you loved it, you couldn’t help but think he was the most handsome man you have ever seen. Even as he lay there in his coffin.

He had told you it would be his last mission, that after he returned from Corto Maltese, he was done with the Suicide Squad. And he had kept his word, just not in the way either one of you had ever dreamed. Instead of your expected welcome home embrace and kiss, you had received a phone call and condolences. Instead of planning your wedding, you had planned his funeral. You would never get to wear the white dress that was hidden in the back of your closet. Instead, you were left with this current black one you had on. And Rick….he would never be your husband.

Staring down at his beautiful face, you slowly slide your engagement ring off of your left hand and transfer it to your right hand. Because you are no longer someone’s fiancée, you are now just someone’s sort-of widow.

You know this will be the last time you get to see him, the last chance you have to say goodbye. And there are a million things left unsaid, a million dreams unrealized. But as you take his cold, still hand and your tears fall onto his handsome face, only one thought comes to mind. You lightly press your lips to his forehead, before whispering into his hair, “Baby, all I want for Christmas…is…you…..”

#sfw repost #fic #rick flag #rick flag x reader #rick flag x you #colonel rick flag #colonel rick flag x reader #f!reader #joel kinnaman #dc #dc x reader #the suicide squad #suicide squad #christmas #fluff #angst #major character death tw #canon character death tw

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emilyblame · 2 years ago

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‘Intellectual Property’ thoughts

i already wrote something about this album, but after listening to it on repeat for a week, i have some more things to say.

before i go straight into the track by track, i wanna say that i really love the album. and i wasn’t expecting to. i listened to it on Friday with zero expectations and was pleasantly surprised to find myself enjoying it, especially the deep cuts. and the more i listened to it, the more i loved it. and even after a week i keep finding things hidden in the songs, effects, little details that make me love each of them more.

Favorite song: still Closer. sorry.

St*rfucker

the first time I heard this song i hated the autotune in it, but the more i listened to it, the less i cared about it. there is so much going on production-wise, it now distracts me from the autotune. i mean, this bass track is insane, i really love it. i know Awsten said he referenced Fuzzy a lot in this track, but i think there’s a difference between referencing and using the same concept. i like that he took the concept of ‘demons driving a limo to his window’ and shifted it into him becoming a ‘demon’ and driving his love interest crazy by grabbing ‘the wheel’ (ie: control) of the relationship and taking it whenever he wants it to go.

speaking of the lyrics… i know he’s probably talking about some relationship with a girl, but i can’t help but wonder if the line ‘i signed somebody’s NDA’ is about Elijah maybe. because they seemed to be really close friends (like, they hung out all the time) and then all of a sudden they didn’t speak anymore and neither of them said anything about it. that was super weird. also the lines ‘LA’s such a fucking weird place’ and ‘you can’t hide my face but save me for a rainy day’ make me think of the song they wrote together, Rainy Days In LA. but i could be completely wrong… most likely.

and i already talked about this, but i really like the abrupt ending and how that plays into Real Super Dark.

Real Super Dark

the music in this track is insane. the vocals are good too, i just hate the way Awsten scream sounds. i’ve said this before, but to me, he sounds like an enraged poodle when he’s screaming and i find it both comical and annoying. the lyrics have some cringe-worthy moments much in the same way Numb did, what with the Coldplay and the scummy-dummy-whatever-the-fuck-he’s-saying lines. here we have the Otto ‘serial-killing’ him line that unnecessarily drags along the entire song (although, i have to admit the line ‘Otto, I’m sorry, stop’ reminds me of the “Louisiana Hotel” video and i find that somewhat endearing.) but the rest of the lyrics are okay. oh, and i really love the da-da-das too.

i mean, what i really love about this song, and why i think it’s so fucking good even though i hate Awsten’s scream, is that it feels like what the lyrics are about. does that make sense? I mean, he says ‘i wake up and i’m up and i’m down’ and the song is literally a rollercoaster: it goes heavy with the guitars and the screaming and then it has the very soft da-da-das and he goes from screaming to falsetto and vice versa. it sounds exactly like being angry one moment, then being okay at the next, then angry again, then like you don’t give a fuck anymore. and i don’t know how Awsten achieved that, or if he was intentionally trying to, but he got it and he got it right.

Funeral Grey

musically this song is so summery and perfect. it’s great to jump and dance too, and even sing along too if you can pretend to not understand the lyrics. like, the vocal melody just feels so nice to sing along to, but if you pay attention to the lyrics, it makes you go yikes :/ boi why.

and i know Awsten’s fragile ego gets butthurt whenever we criticise his lyrics, but it’s really his fault we’re so demanding with them. we got two albums packed with perfectly crafted lyrics (‘Double Dare’ and ‘Entertainment’) only for him to get ‘dumber’ with time, it just doesn’t make sense. and it’s kinda disappointing. i know this song is supposed to be lighthearted and fun, but lyrics just fall flat.

(i legit spent ten minutes just trying to come up with an example of how he already made lighthearted and fun lyrics but honestly? every Parx song is so packed with emotion, i couldn’t come up with one.)

you know how this song feels? like Fruit Roll Ups. music? insane. lyrics? burn them to the ground until there’s nothing left.

Brainwashed

this song is perfect. music is incredible, vocals are amazing. the lyrics are good. again, a very dancy, jump-along-to song. yes.

also, finally we get a good riff, like, FINALLY. we all know they both can shred, why the fuck is he constantly holding back on riffs and solos is beyond me. the bass track: crazy. and i love it when he sings fast, so… this song is a 10/10 for me, there’s nothing that could make it better, it’s perfect.

(i hate the way he pronunces ‘syndrome’ but it’s still perfect.)

2 Best Friends

we~eeell… i talked about this one already. it sounds like an unfinished demo. and i say ‘unfinished’ because we’ve heard Awsten’s demos; they can sound like they were recorded on a potato, alright, but never unfinished.

the lyrics are… meh, but they get the point across. i really enjoy the juxtaposition of how happy the song sounds with the lyrics ‘it didn’t work and i feel like shit / wake up tomorrow and try again’. that moment feels like a shrug emoji, and i kinda love it, honestly. also, i really like the little synth/piano melody that plays at the end of the chorus; it’s refreshing.

but, yeah, generally this is the weakest song in the album. then again, if we compare it with ‘Greatest Hits’, it’s not even that much of a low point. i feel like LIKE IT is more of a disappointment within ‘Greatest Hits’ than 2 Best Friends is for ‘Intellectual Property’. and i really like LIKE IT.

End Of The Water (Feel)

i love this song. it’s really good. i absolutely adore the line ‘why can’t we act like you and i are alive at the same time’. like, yes, why are human beings so complicated. then again, it shouldn’t be complicated. so if it feels like a lot of work it’s probably not meant to be.

philosophical tangents aside, this is a good song. i can see it becoming a fan favorite (speaking of, i should probably do a poll soon.) i really like how funky it sounds. i kinda keep imagining what it would sound like if Ross Lynch sang it.

Self-Sabotage

i absolutely loved this song from day one. the lyrics are brutally honest and genuine. i love seeing Awsten not putting himself as the victim for once. not to overlook on the fact that he’s a fucking dick, i don’t care how much your heart got broken, it doesn’t justify you being horrible to someone else. it’s not a valid defence mechanism, you’re just an asshole.

back to the music: love it. impossible not to jump to the chorus every single time, it’s so catchy. also, i never thought i’d say this, but i kinda love how breathy Awsten’s voice is in this one.

i also really like the line ‘i want this to work so bad / but i want what i can’t have’.

Ritual

boy this song is… a lot. in a good way. i like that it’s only three verses that repeat, and all of them are fucking gems. but my favorite part is the build up to the bridge + the bridge + the outro: it sounds insane. lights off, headphones on. there’s so much going on. i love the strings and the panning is insane. did Zakk Cervini produce this one too? cheers, bro, it’s incredible.

one thing i wish he did is hold a scream right after ‘shut the fuck up’ during the outro. but i understand that’s not what Awsten does and honestly, with his screaming it wouldn’t be that good. but with a good screamer… ooohhhh boy.

Fuck About It

another one i liked from the first listen. i talked about this before: i like bear’s voice but i hate bear’s verse. it does not fit well with the rest of the song. it is cringy as fuck and also it says things Awsten would neverrrr. but whatever, the song sounds good. i really like bear’s high harmonies on the second chorus.

one thing i never understood was why people went crazy over the last ‘baby’, though. like… it’s not that impressive, or sexy, or anything. i would be more impressed if he would’ve belted it, Royal stylez.

Closer

this song is… an infinite/10. it’s so fucking perfect, i’m so glad they’re playing it on the in-store acoustic shows. it deserves all the fucking love it can get. my favorite thing is the subtle strings in it. i love how vulnerable the lyrics are. and i know Awsten is gonna be all like ‘yOU oNLy LikE mE wHEn i’M hurTInG’ which is not fucking true. we like you better when you’re honest, not when you’re trying to be clever.

this song is honest and it’s vulnerable, and it feels like he’s finally being able to bare his soul and heart even though it hurts and it makes him feel like shit. it kinda makes me think of Crybaby, the way it feels.

it’s so good. i especially love how soft the last chorus is; here’s another good example of Awsten’s voice becoming breathy, but i think this time is because he’s singing too soft to hit that note and so his voice gives out. but it makes for a cool effect. it makes me want to hug him and telling him it’s all gonna be okay.

A Night Out On Earth

what a fucking good album closer. i mean. stars all around. yes. the music is amazing, the lyrics are so good, there’s a couple lines here that are just a slap on the face (in a good way.)

all of Waterparks’ closing tracks are amazing. well— See You In The Future has some cringy lyrics (most of it, honestly.) but the rest of the closing tracks are awesome, so it’s really not surprising that this one is also stellar.

i fucking love the lines: ‘i turn pain into rent and sing along’, ‘life gave me lemons now i bleed lemonade’, ‘now i just wanna fall asleep in my own’, and ‘was i loved or was i right?’

but generally all the lyrics are good. i like this song a lot. the guitar riff/solo over the last chorus/outro… yes. also, that Fish feature. babies <3 i love Fish he’s such a cool guy. I like how that plays with the line ‘i ain’t jumping out the window’ because it reinforces its meaning: that he’s come so far and he’s not done yet.

so, i said this at the very beginning but overall: the album is good. and it sounds good as it is. i loved ‘FANDOM’ but it was a little messy, i re-ordered it in a way that it tells the story of him falling in love and then the relationship going sour (kinda like what he did with ‘Intellectual Property’.) and i also had to re-order ‘Greatest Hits’ so that it tells the story of Awsten slowly losing his mind (is the only way i listen to the album now, otherwise it gets boring to me.)

what i love about ‘Intellectual Property’ is that every song in it feels deliberate. as if he sat down to write a good album; an album that told a story instead of just info-dumping us his problems in the form of songs. Awsten learned the ‘less is more’ lesson.

i really hope they get their top 10. they deserve it. even if not for this album alone, but for ‘Double Dare’ and ‘Entertainment’. for Parx history. for Awsten not selling out and making a pop-punk record. thank. god. he didn’t. that would’ve been extremely disappointing.

anyway, i am rambling. i’m gonna finish this up by saying: this is a fucking good record. and if you don’t like it right now it’s totally fine, it’s completely valid. but give a moment. let it breathe. come back to it. you still hate it? give it more time. let it breathe again. come back to it, come back to it a thousand times, it’s worth it.

#waterparks #i don’t know what it is about Awsten but i just love him #he’s like the little brother you can’t stand because he’s constantly over excited and annoying #but you can’t help it. he’s your baby brother. you have to protect him #i feel like that’s why Otto and Geoff stick around

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bbina · 8 months ago

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as the night gets deeper and the wind gets colder, you can’t help but shiver a little. you wrap your arms around your body to keep yourself warm but what wonbin does next just made your heart flip

wonbin removes his jacket and drapes it over your shoulders as you two walk aimlessly around the beach trying to find a perfect spot to sit and chill. luckily there were little to no people around

after showing you around town, having a late night snack at central market, wonbin brought you by the beach, just sitting in front of the waves listening to it crash against the shore. despite eunseok’s protests that you would be going back to seoul the next day and that you need plenty of rest as it is sorta a long train ride back to the city, you still went out with wonbin

“remember when we had our first late night talk by the beach?” you ask wonbin, leaning your head onto his shoulder

“how could i forget? that was the first time we hung out together” wonbin smiles, recalling the first memory he had with you. “i even brought my guitar at the time” he notes

you let out a giggle, “i still remember the song you sang.. it was sparks by coldplay” you poke his cheek, feeling giddy all of sudden because of the memory

“yeah and i remember you didn’t like the song cause you didn’t like the lyrics not realizing i will be doing whatever the lyrics was talking about to you later on” wonbin nudges your shoulder making you blush

“and i promise you this, i’ll always look after you. yeah, that’s what i’ll do” he sings, reaching for your hand and intertwining your fingers together.

using your free hand, you hide your face from him. “ugh shut up” you muttered, cheeks flushed with embarrassment

you two obviously started as friends and nothing more and nothing less. though that all changed when you suddenly asked him to help you with your little dilemma

“what about the time you said you haven’t gotten your first kiss so i showed you how it’s done” wonbin bursts into giggles recalling the memory. “we even made out right after” he continues

of course you remember. how could you forget? you’ve shared most, if not all of your firsts with wonbin. your first kiss, first “relationship”, first late night talks, literally first everything

“are you done?” you narrow your eyes at the laughing boy beside you. wonbin continues to laugh after seeing your face. how cute, he thinks to himself. feeling the cuteness aggression coming in.

wonbin suddenly envelops you into a hug, unable to hide his cuteness aggression.

“you’re so cute when you’re all shy, baby” he laughs loudly, repeatedly kissing your cheek as you continue to hide your face away from him. you try to squirm away but his grip was stronger.

“you know, i didn’t even think i’d actually end up liking you” you admit, finally breaking free from his tight grip. wonbin catches his breath from laughing so much. he stares into the ocean in front of him, the sudden feeling of nostalgia envelops him as he thinks about how much has changed between you and him.

“ditto” wonbin smiles, “i also didn’t anticipate how much you would mean to me after playing pretend boyfriend for so long”

"who knew sitting beside me that night during the campfire making s'mores would both change the trajectory of lives forever huh?" you giggle

wonbin pinches your cheek, "and i wouldn't have it in any other way"

wonbin suddenly gets up. before you could ask him what was up, wonbin slides his arms under your knees and back, effortlessly lifting you from the sand. with a surprised squeal, you held onto his neck

“what are you doing?!” you scream as wonbin runs to the water. “wonbin!” you held his neck tighter, afraid that he was gonna drop you at any given moment.

“relax, i’m not gonna do anything” he muses, pressing a kiss on your forehead. you know that’s a lie. you squeeze your eyes shut as you wait for the impact of the water to hit your skin. instead, he spins around with you in his arms. the wind tousles your hair as your laughter pierces the serene atmosphere.

in that moment, as you twirl together under the moonlight, wonbin has never felt happier than he is right now. the girl of his dreams in his arms, by the beach in his hometown, having heart to heart confessions to each other after everything that happened between you two. it makes wonbin’s heart swell. he couldn’t be more in love.

finally. you were his, and he was yours. no more hiding behind a façade.

—

after what seemed to be the most romantic night of your life, wonbin drops you home. he stands outside your airbnb’s gate as he says his goodbye.

“i’ll see you back in seoul” you say it more like a question, wrapping your arms around his neck as he pulls you in for a hug.

“first thing, baby” he replies with a grin, pulling away a little to plant a kiss on your forehead, your nose and lastly your lips.

you blush as you look away. the whole thing not sinking in yet.

a cough behind you interrupts your little moment. there stood a half asleep eunseok rubbing the sleepiness off his eyes.

“about time you brought her back” eunseok nags, opening the locked gate with an irritated sigh. “it’s 5:30 in the morning for crying out loud. we leave in 2 hours and y/n hasn’t packed a single thing yet!” he grunts, before walking away to head back inside. probably going back to sleep

wonbin bites his lip to prevent himself from laughing. as much as eunseok acts like he hates his guts, he knows deep inside he means well

“go head inside now” wonbin smiles, ushering you inside. you poke your tongue at him before walking up the front steps. wonbin watches you make your way up to the gate before getting inside his car.

he may have ruined his body clock further by hanging out with you again til the ass crack of dawn but he wouldn’t have it in any other way

wonbin was about to open the car door before he hears you call out his name. he looks up, wondering if you left something of yours inside his car or what but instead he sees you run down the steps and to him

you immediately crashed your lips against his. a long kiss at that as you kissed him with so much passion that he was stunned for a second before returning the favor.

“just wanted to do that like the movies” you chirp before heading back inside the gate of your airbnb. “drive safe, binnie” you wave before going inside the house, leaving wonbin outside with the biggest smile on his face

wonbin’s heart just bursts right there and then. he feels and might be the luckiest man in the world

between the lines ★ wouldn't have it in any other way

⤷ from what started as a simple arrangement to hide your feelings for a certain someone by getting into in a fake relationship soon turns into a tangled mess. in which some things are hard to tell when you can’t read between the lines

˗ˏˋ prev | next ˎˊ˗

★ notes .ᐟ insert basketball meme where the player had his head in his hands.. we prayed for times like this ynbin yearners

★ taglist .ᐟ @callanton @annswwa @renjuneoo @pinkraindropsfell @lecheugo @ilovejungwonandhaechan @ahnneyong @haechansbbg @snowyseungs @sseastar-main @odxrilove @leeknowarchives @onlywonb @wonychu @leehanascent @au-ghosttype @revehosh @keilovr @kyusqult @dreamyyyz @ether-yeol @yangasm @qwonbani @starwonb1n @ffixtionista @daegale @scrumptiousloser @seunghancore @koryutte @ohmykwonsoonyoung @reenfluffmarshmallow @bunni @artstaeh @yizhoutv @sie17136 @koeuh @07yujin @poollabug @vernonburger @dutifullyannoyingfox @000rpheus @wccycc @sunus-sun @highhjime @chweverni @heartlvrrss @s9nwoo @yoursyuno @rosesfortaro @lampcults

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a-stallone · 4 months ago

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Hey! I get burnout! It sucks! But first off, (and just from my experience) get out of that dark kitchen and take the sandwich with you. Get your fuel and find your way out of that headspace.

You kinda have two options: Allow yourself to feel those feelings and get it all out now OR trick yourself into feeling better. I know this doesn’t follow the ‘talk to your friends and family’ and ‘try meditating’ response, but for some reason, this got me fired up. And if you’re like me and you don’t have those options and or they don’t help as much as they should, here’s what at least gets my feet back on the ground.

When You Need To Feel The Grief:

Allow yourself to rest. Like, really rest. Letting the anxiety eat at you while you do nothing is time you could have spent doing nothing at all anyways. Give yourself some breathing space and don’t be afraid to take a step back. You’ll come back to it and your work will still be there.

Sleeping is also great. (I do too much of it and I like to wrap myself in the thickest, softest blanket I own.) Take a nap or just lay on the couch. Turn on the TV and set the volume low enough, that it makes a good distraction. OR, blast some music in your headphones and cry it out. Sad music does wonders, but sometimes it brings me too low and I lose the energy to come back up. Something that lies in the middle ground, like Billy Idol’s ‘Eyes Without A Face’ is the perfect song to dissociate to and start thinking about things that don’t matter (like how 80s synths are supposed to work). It’s moody, it’s other-worldly, and it’s not that depressing of a song anyway. Curate your “middle ground” playlist. And make it to where you can pick yourself back up again afterwards.

Also remember that you’re doing a lot. Someone who lived during the Dark Ages would probably curl up and perish if they had your workload. Give yourself some grace like you would a friend you really care for. And set a time limit if you really need to finish. “I’m giving myself 20 minutes to fully go into panic mode and then I’ll get back to it.”

And don’t be afraid to cry. Find a safe place or time where you’re with yourself. Make room for those feelings. After you sit and stare at wall, find a show, YouTube video, or some memes. Something that isn’t the same mood as you. It helps to give you a feeling of starting over, with somewhat of a clean slate, after getting all the garbage out.

When You’re Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired:

Music usually gets me outta those feelings faster than just thinking about it. Super fast, upbeat songs are my go-to. ‘Dancing With Myself,’ ‘Poison’ or whatever my ‘made-up music video’ song is that week, I’ll put those on. (Bad Omen’s ‘V.A.N.’ is my SONG rn, and I like pretending I can scream to it pretty well, lol.) I call those my ‘hype songs.’ And I try to sing really goofily to the lyrics and will dance if it’s just me in the house. Air guitar and everything. I’ll also turn on a couple lights and turn the TV on. Doesn’t matter what.

Headphones are your best friend in case you like to turn it up like me, though. Running, jumping, and swinging yourself around also helps me get the rage out, lol. Push ups while leaning on the counter and yelling it out is more fun than it looks.

Or maybe I just need 15 minutes to sit in the sun, lay flat on the concrete, and get drowsy. That helps a ton, actually.

But get outside. Put on your workout playlist and just keeping moving forward. Bike, walking with beat up tennis shoes, scooter, doesn’t matter. You’re putting that energy somewhere that isn’t worrying. You can come back to your work later.

Now, Your Back at Your Desk:

JK, no you’re not. Pick up your laptop or switch out your chair. Being stuck in the same place is literally torture. Change the scenery. Move around the house.

And you know that feeling of dread when you try to look back at your tasks?? Bring snacks. Add a framed photo of that weird “Jotchua” puppy meme and write a sticky not that says, “Do It For Him.” Just change your task to something slightly different. Buy a lamp that changes colors or something. Use shortcuts on your keyboard and don’t be afraid of using text-to-speech if the situation calls for it. Use your tools and reward yourself when you accomplish the small things.

And remember that you’re human. You’re not designed to do one thing perfectly. You’re just a silly little person in a silly made-up world. That’s what helps me, IG.

Oh hey, would you look at that!

Turns out my unreasonable workload has consequences and I am absolutely burnt out! Like weeping into a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and I eat it standing in the dark of my kitchen burnt out! Oh no!

I feel like I'm usually the one here offering support to the community, but I'll be honest - I could really use a hand. Any ideas, friends and colleagues? What could I do to get my will to exist back?

#is any of this relevant???#IDK.#but here we are #and I’m shouting it into the void that is Tumblr #hope this helps!!#and if not #welp!#that’s too damn bad!#anyway #feel free to reach out if you need to talk #burnout is very real and you have a great community around you #don’t mind lil’ ole’ me #st #for me #it’s me

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papergirllife · 3 years ago

Text

Lee Jeno

'You ease Jeno's frustrations during a late night recording session."

Warnings : unprotected sex, cockwarming, generally quite fluffy.

Word count : 1.8k

You were in your pajamas at 1 a.m. in the morning, still in the company because your boyfriend is trying to record the best version of his verse in the recording booth a few feet away, his black denim jacket draped across your chest to shield you from the cold.

You were going through your own lyrics, making a few changes here and there to make sure the flow of the song suits you, working in a low volume to avoid disturbing Jeno, who was already getting antsy from this certain verse.

When you were done, you placed the pencil on the desk and got up from your seat, walking to the booth where Jeno had his handsome face in a frown.

“You okay, Jeno? Aren’t you cold in here?” you asked as you took his jacket off of you, draping it back onto his broad shoulders.

“I'm feeling fine, you should use it,” Jeno said shortly before he takes it off, putting it onto you again.

“But you're just in a tank, and you have to perform on stages very soon, you can't catch a cold,” you argued before trying to take it off once more, only to be stopped by Jeno’s hands.

“I'm fine, you're the one who's sensitive to the cold, I don't want you to get sick because of me, I didn't ask for you to be here with me, and still you showered and came back here to be with me, I'm sorry for eating up our time, I know I promised to have a night in with you,” Jeno said with a sad tinge to his usually cheerful eyes before reaching out for you, embracing you into his warmth.

“I know how important this comeback is for you, I wanted to stay here with you because I'm stubborn and that's on me, not you,” you said before turning your body to tuck yourself closer into Jeno, giving his bicep a quick peck before burying your head into his neck, the familiar scent of cologne filling your lungs.

Jeno let's out a chuckle at this odd but familiar action, you started doing this since the day Jeno had started working out on his arms more, every little thing he does you’d always be proud of it, which is why you're so different from everyone else, Jeno feels safe with you, the fact that the both of you absolutely adore each other irks his members out, but he doesn’t care, not when he only has eyes for you.

“I love you,” Jeno said without hesitation, it's always been like this for the two of you, saying these three words whenever you felt like it, communication between the two of you has always been good, though it hasn't always been like this.

There was a time at the beginning of the relationship where Jeno only knew how to show his love through actions, fearing that it may seem too pushy if he constantly speaks up about his emotions, being a guy and all, but your reassurance of loving to hear everything he has to say, as well as those doe eyes of yours that always have a hundred percent focus on him, had given him a sense of comfort, and so he now speaks whatever that comes to mind when he's with you, most often 'I love yous', it could be in the morning when you wake up, or moments like this where there are uncertainties in his head, you’re his rock.

“I love you too, Jeno,” you said it back before pulling away slightly to kiss him, pulling him closer again by looping your hands around his nape, playing with the strands of hair there as you bit on his bottom lip gently before feeling a sudden grip on your hip, a gasp falling from your lips just to give Jeno the opportunity to dominate the kiss, getting you right where he wanted you to be, under his control.

Jeno tasted like the chocolate mint balls he was having just now, a mixture of sweet chocolate and invigorating mint clouding your senses, the taste so addictive that you licked at his tongue just to taste more, but soon Jeno pulled away, noticing that you were running out of breath, your forehead lolled against his, a sign that he was all too familiar with.

“Slow down, baby, what's got you so worked up?” Jeno asked as he peppers kisses down your neck sloppily, he knows he can't mark you without your manager lecturing you, so he'll just have to manoeuvre himself to the valley of your breasts, popping open the buttons of your pajamas to reveal that you've worn a set that had no padding, the tips of your nipples would've been obvious it weren't for how loose your shirt was.

“Remember the last time we fucked in here? You had a writer’s block for stronger and 119, I want to be your muse again, Jen,” you reminded him as you trailed your hand at the hem of his tank, palming his abs that you go crazy over, you must be the luckiest girl ever, to find a guy who’s as hot as he’s talented in his career, not to mention the sinful things he does with those dancer hips.

Jeno chuckled at that fond memory, recalling Jaemin’s horrid expression when he found the two of you in such a state.

“You do know that this is ANL right?” gesturing at the lyrics on the stand.

“Which is a highly suggestive yet quite a fluffy song, we have to set the mood in order for you to actually gain some inspiration, no?” you said before you pulled off his shirt, throwing it somewhere behind you.

“Greedy aren't you?” Jeno said as he tips your chin higher to get a good look at you in the dim lights, admiring your swollen lips and the lust in your eyes, all because of him.

“Well, you can't pen my name down for these songs, the least you can do is give me a good fuck to remember it by,” you said with those seductive eyes of yours looking into his hooded ones before reaching down his pants, a jolt from his cock at your freezing hands.

“Whatever my baby wants, whatever she gets am I right?” Jeno said before manoeuvring you to your back facing his, letting your ass feel his hard on.

You placed your hands on the stool that Jeno previously sat in, arching your back for him to easily access the situation.

Jeno pulls your sweats and panties down hanging them onto the stand, you purse your lips at the sight, hoping that none of your arousal gets onto the surface, but before you could make up your mind whether to tell Jeno to place your clothing somewhere else, Jeno had spread your folds with two fingers, a hand coming up to swipe at your slit teasingly before pinching your clit lightly in between his thumb and index finger, combing a moan out of you, legs jolting at the sudden pleasure, you were always sensitive there.

“Fuck, baby, I barely touched you and you’re dripping wet, didn't know you were this worked up,” Jeno said by your ear, his voice a few octaves lower.

Jeno enters two fingers in one go, making you buckle your knees at the sudden intrusion, not expecting it so soon, the feeling of his rough finger pads reaching deep into you, searching for that one spot, and when he found it, it felt like the first taste of heaven, a whimper falling from your lips as you held onto the stool harder, preparing for what's to come.

Jeno thrusted his fingers in a moderate pace before sliding in a third, making a scissoring motion to open you up for his large cock.

When he deemed that you were wet enough, Jeno shoved his pants and boxers down to his knees, impatient for the warmth in between your legs.

Jeno positioned himself at your entrance, pushing in an inch before slamming himself into you.

“Fuck, Jeno!” you could feel how full you were now, and how he fits perfectly inside you, his tip dangerously close to your sweet spot, you just need him to move.

“Jeno, you can move now, please,” you begged, breathless as your mind is still registering the feeling of this euphoria.

Jeno clenches his jaw in concentration before pulling out of your sweet pussy slightly, before thrusting back in, starting a quick and shallow pace, the way your warm walls were clenching onto him was making him lightheaded from the immense pleasure, but he knows he has to get his shit together if he wants to actually finish up recording tonight.

Jeno grips onto your hips as he builds up his pace, pistoning his dick inside of you hard and fast as he hears your screams of pleasure, the sound echoing in this small booth, encouraging him to go faster as he gets addicted to this sweet melody.

You held onto the stool for your dear life as you felt the knot in your abdomen slowly unwinding, a sign that you’re nearing your edge.

“I'm gonna cum, Jen, cum with me, please,” you said before purposely clenching onto his dick.

“Fuck, baby, I’m not gonna last any longer if you keep doing that,” Jeno said in one breath, before focusing back onto chasing both your highs, a hand moving to your breasts to pinch your nipples with the perfect amount of pain, he knows how much of a pain slut you are for him, and that was exactly what pushed you over the edge.

You felt your body convulsing as you orgasmed, the knot snapping free as the screams of Jeno’s name tumble from your lips as you let Jeno continue.

Jeno came only a few sloppy thrusts, after you, biting onto your shoulder as he came, giving a few hard thrusts to ride out both your highs, and just so he could bury his cum inside you, letting both your juices mix.

When both of you were done, Jeno moved your limp body expertly on top of his as he took a seat onto the stool, him still inside of you, your head tucked by his left shoulder, picking up where he had left off just now.

“You're right baby, you really are my muse,” Jeno said before humming a tune, then correcting some errors on the sheet.

“Well, good to know I was helpful, now if you'll excuse me, I need to clean up,” you said before trying to get up.

Jeno's left hand grips onto your hips, restricting you from leaving.

“Stay for a bit, I'm finishing up soon, then I'll clean you up, I'm sure you’re too tired to walk now, get some rest,” Jeno said as he pats your head gently, something he does that oddly lulls you to sleep.

“Okay, just don't overwork yourself,” you said before drifting off to sleep on your boyfriend’s shoulder, your very own human pillow.

#nct smut #nct fluff #nct #nct dream #jeno #jeno smut #jeno fluff #lee jeno #nct 127 #wayv #jaemin

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yeslieutenant · 2 years ago

Text

A Glimpse of Us

ANGST ALERT. Been writing a lot of angst for some reason. This is based on the song "A Glimpse of Us" by Joji. Lyrics are bold. Flashbacks are italics. Sorry if I make anyone sad. I made myself cry, so take that as you will.

Warnings: Canon-typical violence; major character death; ANGST

She'd take the world off my shoulders

If it was ever hard to move

She holds me close to her chest as I sob, the nightmares waking me in the dead of night with a gutteral scream. Her quiet hums into my dark hair ring out in our silent room, sweat dripping from my forehead.

She'd turn the rain to a rainbow

When I was living in the blue

Her sweet voice sings smooth notes as I walk in, dropping my keys on the counter as she dances to some new song. Her hips swish and she smiles as she sees me standing there, rushing over to grab my hand to try to pull me onto her makeshift dancefloor. She tugs, but I’m frozen in place. I watch the sadness enter her eyes as her arm falls limp at her side.

“How long are we going to go on like this, Jason?” The disappointment in her voice is practically palpable.

“Like what?” I ask, my words tinged with a quiver.

“She’s in a better place, Jason.”

Why then, if she is so perfect

Do I still wish that it was you?

Y/N’s eyes sparkled at me, her laugh and smile contagious. Even covered in dirt and sweat and sand, her skin was practically begging for my lips to land on every exposed inch. The sun shone down on us, and I notice Nick throw himself to the ground.

“We got two very fuckin ready to go home marines here.” Then it darkened, the eclipse shadowing us in hell all over again.

Perfect don't mean that it's working

So what can I do?

“Please, I don’t wanna do this again,” I say, refusing to look at her.

“Don’t wanna do what? Argue about the fact that I’m not her? I will never be able to be her, Jason!” She’s angry now, and I know it’s justified. She has ever right to be angry with me.

When you're out of sight

In my mind

“Maybe we should call it quits.” Her words are harsh, spit like venom, but I don’t even flinch. I knew this was coming, but I can’t find it in my heart to care. I’m too numb. Y/N.

'Cause sometimes I look in her eyes

And that's where I find a glimpse of us

Her eyes are the same shade as Y/N’s. Maybe that’s what draw me to her in the first place. She’ll never replace what I lost though.

And I try to fall for her touch

But I'm thinking of the way it was

The sunlight peeks through the holes and cracks in the hut, and the vampires screech, turning to get out as fast as they can. As one turns to exit, it lashes out, claws whipping across Y/N chest, and I notice it is lacking the vest she started with. I run to her, and her knees crumble underneath her weight as she drops like a stone in a creek. She feebily falls into my arms as I hold her, her legs spread in front of her on the dirt covered floor, her head resting in my lap. The white shirt she was wearing is now a deep crimson.

I thought we made it. It wasn’t supposed to end like this.

Said I'm fine and said I moved on

I'm only here passing time in her arms

“Jase,” she starts, a wet gurgled cough bubbling up her throat as she chokes on her own blood. Nick is beside her, his hand pressing against her chest. It won’t be enough. The helicopter won’t be here fast enough, despite the fact that I can hear the whipping blades in the distance. “Jase,” she says again, drawing my eyes back to hers, and I watch as a tear slips from her bright eyes, down her temple into her dirty hair. I lean in, my face right next to hers.

“You can’t do this. You still owe me a date, remember?” I feel my own tears flood, threatening to spill down onto her tender face.

“I may need to take a rain check on that, okay?”

“No. No rain checks allowed.”

“Jase, I love you.”

“I love you too, Y/N. So much. You can’t do this.” Her fingers slide under my hat, running through the short hair there.

“It doesn’t hurt, Jase.” The light is quickly fading from those bright eyes, and against what anyone would say, I lean down, her cold lips pressed against mine for a brief moment before her hand falls, slamming onto the floor with a heart shatter thump.

I’m never gonna find anyone like her again.

Hoping I'll find

A glimpse of us

*****

Tags: @kawaiiwitch224 @yellowroseskolchek @house-of-kolchek @lorebite @buttermykolchek @katsufairies @kassiekolchek22

#jason kolchek fanfiction #jason kolchek x reader #house of ashes #house of ashes fanfic #jason kolchek

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waltnut · 4 years ago

Note

Yes, I'm a THIRSTY, HORNY and DEHYDRATED bicht. But I am proud of myself. Can I request more NSFW head cannons of our monster boyfriend? But don't make it dark, maybe add some after segg cares if you want? I LOVE YOU.

Don’t make it dark?? Don’t you know what I’m about??? I can’t believe this.

No I’m joking lol well damn, NSFW? Okay well, this is for the Monster Fuckers so kiddies look away. I’m sorry to those who don’t like NsFw. I will tag it as “NSFT” for Not Safe for Timeline but I also hide it under the cut. I’m sorry. I had fun with this...now I’m embarrassed lmao You guys seem to like these so...

The prompt has me thrown a bit, but I’ll just make some stuff up, I hope that’s okay.

NSFW Headcanons - Monster Boyfriend edition: Demon Lords, Vol. 1

Adult content. These are demons. If this disturbs you, then stop reading here. Otherwise, enjoy?

Lucifer

Level 3

He sheds his feathers on his body when he’s nervous. MC makes him nervous when he’s like this. What do they think of him? Is he ugly? Would they call him a monster?

He’s the most submissive in this form. Gentle touches make him shiver and jump. He feels the most vulnerable and actively moves away from MC if they try to be intimate.

But he wants the intimacy. It’s reassuring. He’s still wanted. He actually might cry a bit. He’s sensitive, be nice.

MC will have to do most of the initiating. After the first time MC had had intimacy with him like this, he will be more confident the next times they engage in any sexual activity.

Level 4

All the pride and confidence. None of that level 3 sissy business, he will have you.

He’s very grabby, and maybe grips a little too tight. He likes the power of being stronger than you. He wants you to know it.

He seems to always have his wings as wide as he can make them. It must be some sort of mating dance. He does have that part bird instinct in there somewhere. He wants to show off, maybe intimidate you a bit. Does he like fear?

Might use the feathers on his tail to tickle you to make you squirm while he has you. What fun!

Mammon

Level 3

He is very clingy. He wants to always be touching you. Even if it’s just the tips of his wings or tail, he wants to have the physical touch.

As he goes through this level, his ability to sense any Greed from the MC to be highly erotic. Talking about buying those new clothes you’ve been wanting? Turn on. Saying how you’re gonna share any of them with him? He can’t contain himself.

He loves pets. Brushes against his hair, feathers, scales, will make him coo. Bird noises, gotta love them.

Easy seduction outfit, should you choose to wear one, anything shiny. Gold chains? Perfect. Sheer black clothes but with gold edges and designs? Also perfect. He can’t resist the shiny.

Level 4

Don’t even think about leaving him, until he lets you. You’re part of his treasure now and he will preen and polish you accordingly.

Lazy in this form, expect lots of cuddling with the dragon. He’s quite warm. The texture on his underside is soft like skin even though it looks like lizard scales. Don’t be surprised when you feel surprise boners while laying with him. He may be lazy, but he’s not tired.

Touching the skin texture of his body is a great seduction tactic should you need one. It’s the sensitive side to his body while the rest is covered in feathers and scales.

While he will dress up MC in gold as a mating ritual, should MC do the same to him, it is the greatest indicator that you are accepting his proposal for intimacy.

Leviathan

Level 3

Two dicks. Look we all know it. We all agree. Moving on.

Touching the purple frills on his ears is like touching his junk. It’s a highly erroneous zone for him. But be gently, they are very soft and sensitive.

Do you even lift? Well you might need to because he is going to be wrapped around you the entire time. He’s quite heavy and good luck getting out of that one.

Laying with him in water is the best way to show any intimate intentions. Even if you think it’ll be a relaxing chill in the water, think again.

Level 4

Now if you’re brave and choose to sleep with a giant ass sea monster, you’re in luck because he can manipulate water to allow you to breathe in the water.

He is the largest of all the brothers in terms of monster size. He’s a giant sea dragon. So be careful when dealing with...well, his size.

He likes to flip you around in the water, so staying in one position is not an option. It’s like a dance!

Want to know if he’s into it? Watch the orange fleshy bits on his sides. The more he glows the more you know!

Satan

Level 3

If you’re into having sex after yelling and screaming at each other then congrats! So is he. Angry sex is what he’s about. He’s wrath. I mean, come on.

Belittle him. No really. He’ll want to prove you wrong. Fuels the fire.

Extremely dominant. Don’t even try to top him. Also you just finished? No rest for you, you’re going again.

He’s gonna scratch and mark you. Bring some bandaids.

Level 4

Okay first of all, you really want to sleep with this? He’s terrifying. He is an actual hell spawn. Well okay, be prepared for selfish sex. He’s rough.

Want to know if he’s into it? Watch the flames on his back. Can you pass your hand through it without it burning you? You pass. It’ll grow brighter and larger the closer he is to finishing.

Most likely to choke you.

Will call you names during the act, sorry. The “not nice” kind.

Asmodeus

Level 3

Words are your biggest weapon. Constant love and adoration is all you need when he’s like this. You won’t even need to touch him to work the magic.

As the avatar of lust, he knows the human body of all genders. His genitalia resembles a males’ but it does have a clit on the bottom side of the head of the dick. You can get real creative with that.

Kiss and touch his ears! He loves it. They might flick at your touch, but he’s into it.

Is able to have his scorpion tails in this form if he chooses to, and he likes pushing and pulling you around with them.

Level 4

More of a Dom in this form. He also enjoys a good mess.

Don’t grab onto his tails, he’s not into it. But grabbing onto his mane? Go right ahead with that.

A little bitey. Vampire tendencies.

Most likely to try and sex you on the ceiling. Why? Not sure. But he’s able to do it so just roll with it.

Beelzebub

Level 3

Look at that long ass tongue. He’s gonna use it. Why wouldn’t he use it? You’re gonna want him to use it. The paralysis saliva he can produce is something he can choose to use.

Will jump on you out of nowhere. No literally, where did he come from? It’s 3 Am and everyone else is asleep. But a good smack will get him to stop if it’s unwanted. Bad puppy.

He might share his food with you if he’s offering intimacy. Like with his mouth. Like it might already be chewed a bit.

Chromeo lyrics: ((Don’t turn the lights on! I want to see you in the dark~.)) His eyes are sensitive, okay.

Level 4

You ever had sex with a Minotaur? You ever wanted to?

Will carry you off to a secluded area that he has found for himself. He doesn’t want to be disturbed.

The longer you go with him, the hotter his body feels. Just like when he feeds, he’ll have steam coming off his body.

Most likely to hump your leg.

Belphegor

Level 3

He enjoys you being uncomfortable. Emotionally or physically.

Sleep paralysis demon. Hey, at least you won’t be doing most of the work.

He’ll quietly hum a lullaby to you to see if you’ll accept his intimacy proposal. If you hum back, you accept. Careful, he might hum your favorite song.

His wool is so soft. Why is it so soft? You need to touch all of it.

Level 4

If you’re not banging irl, you will in your dreams.

You ever wanted to have sex in space? He can make the best magic Galaxy projector you’ve ever seen, and without the paid promotion!

His wool smells of soothing herbs and incense. So despite his creepy ass behavior, you find a way to calm your nerves.

You’ll have the best sleep you’ve ever had afterwards.

#obey me #obey me headcanons #monster boyfriend #nsft

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a-reader-and-a-writer · 3 years ago

Text

All I Want For Christmas is You

Day 11: Their Favorite Song

Fandom: DC, The Suicide Squad, Rick Flag

Word Count: 1562

Thank you to @loverhymeswith for looking this over for me!

@amonthofwhump

As he hit play, Rick grabbed you around the waist and began dragging you away from the tree. “Oh, come on, we both love this song!”

You sighed loudly, trying to wiggle out of his grasp. “Rick! Careful! I’m going to drop the ornaments!”

“Come dance with me!”

“No! I thought the whole point of this was to get things ready for tomorrow. What’s gotten into you tonight?”

“I don’t know, darlin’. Maybe you?” He lightly pressed his lips to your forehead, before whispering into your hair. “Just, please, dance with me.”

You rolled your eyes before slipping one of your hands into his, the other curling around his hip. As you began to sway in time to the music, you sang,

I don't want a lot for Christmas

There is just one thing I need

I don't care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree

I just want you for my own

More than you could ever know

Make my wish come true

All I want for Christmas is you

He smiled at your stunned reaction as he finished singing in his best, most melodic voice,

Oh, I don't want a lot for Christmas

This is all I'm asking for

I just wanna see my baby standing right outside my door

Oh, I just want you for my own

More than you could ever know

Make my wish come true

Oh, baby, all I want for Christmas is you

“Yes.”

“Darlin’, let me actually ask!”

“I don’t care. The answer is yes, hell yes, a million times yes!” You threw your arms around him as you placed a huge, passionate kiss on his lips.

But he pulled back. “Fine, I won’t ask, but can I at least put the ring on your finger?”

You nodded happily and he took the diamond out of the box. He slid it carefully down the fourth finger on your left hand, where it nestled gently at the base. It was a perfect fit.

You placed your left hand gently on his cheek, admiring how the ring sparkled in the glow of the Christmas lights. “I love you, Rick.”

“I love you too, darlin’. So, very much.”

“You look beautiful.” He says, squeezing your hand.

You blush as you duck your head and whisper, “Thank you, Robert. And thank you for doing this.”

He nudges your chin up softly. “Hey, anything for you or Flag.” He offers you his hand. “Everyone else is already inside. Are you ready?”

Taking a deep breath, you nod and place your hand in his. “Let’s do this.”

#amow twelve days of whumpmas #day 11 #Their Favorite Song #fic #rick flag #rick flag x reader #rick flag x you #joel kinnaman #dc #dc x reader #the suicide squad #suicide squad #angst tw #character death tw #major character death tw

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winter-soldier-vibes · 4 years ago

Text

Burnout (Bucky x reader)

“Burnout”

Bucky x reader

Warnings: burnout, overworked, mental breakdown/panic attack

Word count: 3377

A/N: Take care of yourself, burnout is real and you CAN get sick. Trust me. I’m always here if you wanna talk to someone about anything or want another friend. Stay strong <3

Includes: Lyrics from the song “Weight of the World” by Citizen Soldier

Tags: @buckys2thicc @thatfangirl42 @thundering-barnes @abitgryffindorky @ladyfallonavenger

---------

These nights were becoming more common. And that wasn’t a good thing.

You sat at your desk surrounded by papers, empty cans of energy drinks, and a bright laptop screen. You held your head in your hands and you tried to keep your eyes awake, turning the screen brightness higher.

1:46 AM

You sighed and rubbed your eyes, trying to rub the sleep out of them. You took your hands away and looked back at the screen briefly before covering your face again.

You lived with the Avengers and were a huge asset to the team. Not only were you enhanced with powers, but you were incredibly intelligent. That being the case, you worked with Tony and Bruce in the lab either developing new ideas or fixing suits after missions. As well as being on the mission yourself. Therefore you trained early every morning with Steve and Bucky. You also did most of the mission reports, switching off with Steve once and a while.

Most nights you could be found either working through paperwork, down in the lab working into the morning with Tony, or researching for new projects in said lab. You never meant to stay up as late as you did, but no matter how hard you worked, more work kept appearing. Every 10 PM soon turned into 2 AM, and you could never quite catch a break. You had turned to caffeine not long ago, quickly using it as a crutch to supplement sleep.

You had just gotten back from a long mission with the team, and were incredibly sore. Steve hadn’t gone on this mission, leaving you to finish the report. Add to that, Tony wanted to make a better suit for Peter, and Sam’s wings were busted. Tony was working on Peter’s suit, wanting to make it perfect, leaving you with fixing the wings for Sam.

You decided to work on Sam’s Falcon suit first, seeing that you lived on Planet Earth and he could be scheduled for another mission at any time. What seemed to be superficial damage turned out to be extensive, and required much more repairing that you had anticipated. What you had planned to be a 2 hour process had turned into just over a day of work in the lab.

Not wanting to lose your place and needing a distraction from the soreness, you had worked for hours straight, only breaking to relieve yourself every so often. You were exhausted and ready to fall asleep when you laid back in your bed. Only to check your notifications and see an email from Fury requesting the mission report immediately.

Sent hours ago.

Which led you to where you were now. You hadn’t slept in almost 48 hours, sore from the mission, with a tedious mission report to fill out. Taking a deep breath, you removed your hands from your face.

2:07 AM.

You groaned, but brought your hands back to the keyboard and began typing. The words were blurring together and you shook your head a few times trying to stay awake. Somehow, you finished the report and sent it off and looked at the time again.

3:13 AM

You rubbed your temples before climbing back into your bed, sighing out as your eyes filled with tears. It wasn’t uncommon for you to go to bed this late/early. Lately Tony had been coming up with more ideas and would ask you to help. Since Tony works through most of the night, you had learned to do the same. You don’t remember the last time you had more than 3 or 4 hours of sleep.

You were off the hook for training for a few days, due to having just gotten back from a mission. And while you had been hesitant at first, you were grateful now that you had a bit more time to sleep. Despite the caffeine you had consumed to stay awake, you were absolutely exhausted. Tears threatened to fall from your eyes but you tried to breathe through it. You just wanted a break but couldn’t seem to catch one.

You curled into yourself as your stomach began to growl. ‘When was the last time I ate?’ you thought. Not that it mattered, there was nothing that could bring you out of your bed at that moment. You drifted off to sleep.

-----

You woke up to your phone chiming and groaned, picking it up to see what was so important. Your eyes find the top message, informing you that the mission report you had submitted was incomplete. You jolted out of bed and over to your desk to begin working on the report again, biting back tears of embarrassment at such a ridiculous error on your part. How could you have been so tired that you missed an entire section of a report?

You cracked open another energy drink that you kept in your room and began guzzling it. You were still in the same clothes as the day before and you hadn’t taken your hair down from it’s bun in days. Your stomach grumbled but you answered it with more of the energy drink. You would deal with hunger later. This was much more important.

Your head was pounding and you could barely sit up straight. You had barely gotten a few hours of sleep and somehow felt more tired than you had before it. Your sight became more blurry as it became harder to suppress the tears. You were angry at yourself, why couldn’t you just get this one fucking thing done?

You worked through the section quickly, or at least, you tried to. You kept having to reread sections, not comprehending what the words were saying anymore. You rubbed your eyes aggressively and shook your head, trying to concentrate. You reached to grab the energy drink again, but instead accidentally spilled it all over yourself. Letting out a “Fuck!” as you stood up, something inside you snapped.

You threw the can across the room, not caring how much was left inside of it. You flipped your chair and crumbled the miscellaneous papers on your desk. You let out a scream of frustration, and threw a picture frame across the room. After which, you bent over and placed your hands on your knees, small sobs beginning to wrack your body. You were just so tired, you had work to do, but you couldn’t do it no matter how simple it was.

You walked around the mess and into your bathroom, closing the door. You turned on the shower and got in, not even bothering to take off your clothes or wait for it to warm up. You didn’t care. You couldn’t. You sank to the floor, tears streaming down your face as the shower began to warm. You couldn’t bring yourself together, every time you tried to calm down a new wave of frustration and exhaustion would hit you and you would start crying all over again. You held your hand to your chest, trying to catch your breath a little, not having much success. You were gasping for air, it felt like you were breathing fire. Unable to fight it anymore, you started choking out lyrics to one of your go-to sad songs.

Feel the weight of the world over me tonight.

If I break, if I break down this time

You took a shaky breath and choked out the next line

Hope you know I tried…

Meanwhile, Bucky had been thinking about you. The two of you were very close, you had been ever since Steve had introduced you to him. He was in awe of how you could both rival Tony in the lab and himself in the training room. That and how much you did for others. You had helped him a lot when Bucky had first come to the compound. And he was very grateful.

He knew you had gotten back from a mission a few days ago, and were probably exhausted. From what he had heard it had been a brutal mission. However, in the past, you had usually gotten back into the routine of daily life pretty quickly. He hasn’t so much as seen you since you got back.

He couldn’t help but worry.

He decided to go to your room to check on you, seeing as it was later in the morning and you had had a chance to sleep. Little did he know, you hadn’t. When he got to your door he knocked and waited for a response. He was met with nothing. However, with his enhanced hearing, he heard muffled singing from inside. He couldn’t hear the words, but you sounded in pain.

My mind’s such a mess, I can’t handle it, I’m at the end of my rope.

Worried, he let himself in and took in the state of the room. It was completely trashed, shattered glass, overturned furniture, crumbled papers. He heard the shower running and could hear your cries through the lyrics

My neck is breaking body shaking

Sometimes it’s so hard to breathe

But no one sees it follows me i always end up underneath

The weight of the world…

You began coughing, still gasping for air and holding your chest. Bucky came over to the bathroom door and opened it, concerned you were in pain. You were sitting on the floor, drenched and shaking. Steam filled the room, fogging up the mirrors. He came over to you, trying to get your attention but you couldn’t hear him. Worried, he stepped into the shower as well, swearing as it burned his skin. He crouched down in front of you and took your face in his hands, trying to guide your face to his.

“Y/n, y/n can you hear me? Can you look at me?” he said.

Coming back to your senses slightly, you tried to figure out who was in front of you. You grabbed one of his forearms and focused your eyes, still struggling to breathe. You found Bucky’s blue eyes looking back at you.

Bucky, knowing you were now aware of his presence, reached to turn off the water while still maintaining eye contact. You were coughing, choking on each breath, still shaking and crying. Bucky had never seen you like this. You tried looking around again, forgetting briefly where you were and what had happened, breath picking up again in confusion. “Hey, hey, y/n? I need you to keep your eyes on me okay?”

“It...hurts..” you gasped out, feeling like fire filled your lungs. Your arms had gone numb and in the absence of the warm water your wet body was now shivering from both the cold and anxiety.

Bucky quickly looked you up and down. “What hurts, y/n?” he said calmly but firmly even though he was freaking out internally.

Fresh tears spilled out of your eyes. You tried to talk but couldn’t speak through your panic. You rubbed your chest, willing your heart to slow down but it wouldn’t.

Bucky, still keeping his eyes locked on yours, said “Listen, y/n, I need you to try and breathe with me slowly, okay? Like this,” he breathed in deeply and let it out slowly. You tried to copy him and after a few breaths lost your pace. You shook your head. “I can’t…. I...I…”

. “It’s okay, you’re okay, you’re safe y/n. Try again, I’m right here okay? Look at me.” he said, still breathing deeply. Eventually, you were able to find a rhythm and catch your breath, becoming aware of the situation and everything that had happened. Now able to breathe, you felt new tears of shame rush to your eyes. There were a few moments of silence

“What happened?” Bucky asked, concern etched on his face.

You let out a small sob and covered your face, and Bucky’s heart shattered. He had never seen anyone this upset, nevermind you. You had always been so strong, energetic, joyful. And here you were, soaking wet and shaking on the shower floor. What the hell had happened to you?

He stood up and got out of the shower, also soaked, but he didn’t care about that right now. He leaned down and put one arm behind your back and the other looped under your knees and he picked you up. He placed you down on the vanity and stood in front of you. He carefully took your wrists and pulled them away from your face, you looking at him through bloodshot eyes.

“You - you’re soaked,” you said, both out of shock and in an attempt to deflect the attention from you.

“Wh- I mean, yeah, so are you,” Bucky said. “Y/n, can you tell me what happened?”

You looked down at your hands and swallowed thickly, embarrassed. “I, uh…” you cleared your throat. What had happened? You closed your eyes and rubbed your head.

The shower

The song

Your room

The report

The energy drink

Oh fuck

You sighed out “Shit, I just…” again, shame began to overtake you. “It’s stupid, forget about it,” you said, trying to stand up.

Bucky stopped you, confused. “Y/n, whatever just happened, that… That’s not caused by something stupid. I’ve never seen you so upset before. Hell I’ve never seen anyone so upset before. But I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”

“Really, Buck, I’m fine,” you said.

“Then why are you trying not to cry?”

You sighed. There was no other way out of this. You looked at him and said, “I was just done.” You looked back down at your hands, and continued trying to keep the waiver out of your voice. “I just, um...After the mission I had to fix Sam’s wings, and it took me longer than I expected. And then I still had the mission report which took me all of last night and then I found out that I had missed an entire section. And I got mad that I couldn’t focus or stay awake and I just kind of...broke.”

As you looked back at him, face not as red, he could see how tired you seemed. “Are you sleeping?”

“I mean, a little bit it’s not like I’ve been awake this whole time but -”

“Y/n.”

You looked at him. “A couple of hours a night at most,” you said quietly.

Bucky nodded sadly. “Anything else?”

You opened and closed your mouth a few times. “I mean it’s not a big deal -”

“What I just saw was a big deal,” Bucky said gently.

“I haven’t really made time to eat either,” you tried to laugh it off a little. “Just kind of chugged energy drinks. But then I spilled it all over myself, so...bad idea I guess.”

Bucky wasn’t laughing. But he wasn’t angry either. He was, but not at you, never at you.

“I’m sorry,” you said.

“Why didn’t you say anything? The days off after missions are there for rest.”

You shrugged. “I had important shit to do.”

“Well you’re pretty important shit too,” he said a little more firmly, but still not angrily. He sighed. “But really, if you’re not okay then nothing gets done. You’re going to get sick if you keep doing this to yourself. When was the last time you had more than a few hours of sleep?”

“I don’t know,” you answered honestly.

He sighed once again. “I’m sorry,” you said, fearful that he was angry with you.

“No, it’s not your fault I just…” he looked away for a second before looking back at you. “I don’t like seeing you like this. I don’t want you pushing yourself so hard and getting hurt.”

You sighed sadly and rubbed your eyes. “Every day I tell myself it’s the last day I’ll stay up so late. I always tell myself I’ll eat after my project is done. But no matter how hard I work there’s just more and more work that needs to get done. And I can’t keep up. I feel like I’m drowning. But no matter how much I hate it I...I always come last,” you said.

“You shouldn’t have to,” Bucky said.

After a few moments of silence, Bucky pulled you in for a hug, you still sitting on the counter. You closed your eyes against his chest and sighed out, feeling good finally getting all of that off of your chest.

“You’re taking the next few days off.” he said.

You pulled back and looked at him. “But the report -”

“Is mostly done and Steve can get the rest of the information from Sam.” Bucky finished for you.

“But -”

“Nope. There is not a single thing you could say right now that is going to prevent me from making sure you take care of yourself for a few days.” he said, and you knew he was right. Nodding, he pulled you back in for a hug.

“We should get out of these clothes.” you said softly, shivering a little.

Bucky laughed a little. “Yeah, we really should.”

You moved to stand up from the counter, still a little weak as you leaned on Bucky a little. You walked slowly out to your room and were met with the mess you created earlier. “Shit,” you said, taking in the broken glass and furniture.

Bucky turned you around and said “Do you want to come to my room? We can deal with this some other time.”

You simply nodded, stepping around the broken shards of glass and to the hallway. Bucky’s room wasn’t far from yours, and luckily no one was in the hallways to comment on how both of you were in wet clothes. Once in his room, he closed the door after you and went to his dresser. He pulled out a pair of sweats and one of his T-shirts and handed them to you. “They might be a little big but -”

“Thank you,” you said, taking the clothes and heading to his bathroom. You closed the door and peeled your current outfit off of you. You found a spare towel and dried off the rest of you, and pulled on Bucky’s clothes. They were huge on you, but you didn’t mind. You took your hair down and redid your bun before splashing some cold water on your face. Deeming you looked more presentable, you came back out and saw that Bucky had also changed. Smiling warmly, he pointed to the bed.

“So you are going to lie down, and I am going to go make you some food. I’ll be right back.”

You started shaking your head. “No, it’s okay, you don’t have -”

He raised his eyebrows, still pointing to the bed. Swallowing a laugh, you nodded and sat down on the bed. Bucky then left the room and returned a few minutes later with a sandwich. After you had eaten it, you laid back in the bed, melting into the softness of the mattress. You faced away from Bucky, who was sitting next to you on his phone. He was (slowly) texting Steve to finish your report, which took very little convincing.

After a few minutes, you asked “Can you lay down with me?”

Bucky smiled a little to himself. “Sure, doll,” he said, and he moved to lie down next to you. Unsure of what exactly you wanted, he gave you space. Not soon after, you turned over and scooted closer to his side. After a moment of shock from Bucky, you asked “Is this okay?” Readjusting a little, he wrapped his arm around you and pulled you closer. “Yeah, is this okay?” he asked in return. You merely hummed in approval, already feeling safer in his warm embrace. He let out a small laugh. “Try to get some rest, y/n. I’ll be here whenever you wake up.”

It was the most peaceful sleep you had ever had.

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brown-little-robin · 2 years ago

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Jason Todd Playlist

This is for Lu. Ily and I love your music ramblings so here’s some of mine. My Jason Todd playlist, in order, the main sections explained:

1) Behind the Wall to Fast Car: Jason Todd’s early childhood. Gotham police corruption (Behind the Wall), Jason’s endurance in a dissonant world (middle three songs: first one about being born to a world that will hit you and keep hitting, and the second two featuring some fairly harsh sounds, at least to my ears), and then Fast Car:

You got a fast car Is it fast enough so we can fly away? We gotta make a decision Leave tonight or live and die this way...

Fast car?? get it?? like the Batmobile? But also, starting from zero, got nothing to lose... finally see what it means to be living. Jason’s reckoning with his own awful life here. And the section about taking care of her father the alcoholic?? Jason with his mother. It’s perfect.

2) Jason becoming Robin. Charge of the Batmobile, of course. Then I’m ready. Jason is impatient!! Then Little Birdie, which just kills me (in a good way) applied to Robin. Little birdie, little birdie, why do you fly so high? It’s because I am a true birdie / and I do not fear to die. And finally she’s got her ticket / I think she’s gonna use it / think she’s gonna fly away... no one should try to stop her / persuade her with their power... Jason is set on this road and nothing can stop him. He’s going to fly.

3) Troubles with Robin. Jason argues with Batman, as do all of the Robins. Why do the babies starve? There’s enough food to feed the world! Well, in this one he’s arguing with Bruce Wayne, I guess. He’s passionate about wealth distribution. Then Batman Is Mad At Me Again (remix) my beloved, no notes. Shout by Tears For Fears! Jason speaks up when he wants to. Irrepressible. But also? this song is about speaking out when things Aren’t Right. you shouldn’t have to jump for joy. Then the Bond theme because Jason is a nerd. Then the Finale from Trio for horn, violin and piano, foreshadowing. Then Jason finally asking for love, doing what he does best: making a demand.

You can wait 'til morning comes You can wait for the new day You can wait and lose this heart You can wait and soon be sorry

Now love's the only thing that's free We must take it where it's found Pretty soon it may be costly

Love costs him his life in the next section.

4) A Death In the Family, the actual soundtrack to Jason’s death. Then the resurrection, the soundtrack to Wolverine getting his metal bones. Agonizing. But it’s fun music nonetheless.

5) The white-hot heat of Lazarus rage. Screaming, near-nonsensical songs. Very punk.

(note the bird imagery in Novocaine, too!)

6) Red Hood’s debut. Down the River, full of righteous rage; When The Coyote Comes, a song celebrating a predator and his devilish, fear-inspiring approach. These are a little calmer than the Lazarus songs, but still he is dead-set on his terrible path.

7) Jason being called back to the family. A window opens up / and someone calls your name / but I can tell you don’t know how to play this game... Actually, here:

So now you’re on your own Won't you come back home To see you're not that kind And find the strength To find the strength To find another way

And then a song for Jason’s response to that: Broken, mostly wailing, wordless guitar, but with a heartbreaking little set of lyrics at the end:

Broken We are broken

In my mind's eye One little boy anger one little man Funny how time flies

Then Achilles Come Down, which I have in the clean version because I don’t like listening to swearing. I imagine this one specifically as Tim’s near-suicidal plea for Jason to come back: if you go I’m going / so jump and I’m jumping.

8) Jason’s slow path to building relationships again. First a rejection in Howl: I hunt for you with bloody feet across the hallowed ground. Titans Tower near-killing of Tim, much? Then Freedom—he’s realizing he just wants to be allowed to have his own perspective. Then he’s becoming softer, but still fighting for himself in My life:

I don't need you to worry for me 'cause I'm alright I don't want you to tell me it's time to come home I don't care what you say anymore this is my life Go ahead with your own life, leave me alone

Then, for the first time, acceptance. A house is a home even when there's ghosts / Even when you gotta run from the ones who love you most. Jason realizing that he was in the wrong.

And then, finally, one last song:

Forgive me Is all that you can't say Years gone by and still Words don't come easily Like forgive me, forgive me

But you can say baby Baby, can I hold you tonight?

Baby bird, baby bird, can I hold you. Baby bird, will you forgive me. And! We bring it back to Tracy Chapman in the end.

9) Jason outro: The Bat’s True Calling, slow and mournful, regretful, but dignified. Acceptance of his own grief. And, finally, of course, Batman Theme Reprise. Back to that breathless, whirling experience of the Batmobile, Jason’s first taste of freedom in this playlist. Jason’s passionate spirit simply cannot be repressed.

#wow this was A Lot #jason todd #if you're a mutual / close friend you can ask for the playlist if you want #but I am Not just giving the link to anyone #OH fun fact!! I found the song 'come back home' because of an amazing thad fic with a title from the lyrics.#'A window opens up / and someone calls your name'#that line haunts me partially because of the association with That Particular Story

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wondersofdreaming · 4 years ago

Text

Keepsake

Characters: Captain Syverson x female reader (3rd person)

Word count: 1.827

Warnings: Death, loss, hopelessness, light cursing, sadness, melancholy, grief, heartache, mourning.

Author’s note: This story was inspired by the song 'Everglow' by Coldplay.

Do me a favour and listen to the song, while reading this, I'll link to the different versions, depending on your mood.

Everglow (original) by Coldplay

Everglow (acoustic) by Coldplay

Everglow (instrumental) by Alexandre Pachabezian

The links are for Spotify, if they don't work try this link for YouTube

I do not own any characters in this short story, except the wife, son and Elijah Reed, who are figments of my imagination.

A massive, MASSIVE, thank you to my beloved angel, @radaofrivia, for giving me the idea from just a few thoughts, for sitting through with me while I wrote this, for giving me advice and for just being there.

Please check out her stories right here: RADA'S MASTERLIST

MY MASTERLIST

Feedback is appreciated.

(Young Syverson, picture credit to @killjoy-assbutt-1112 - find it here)

Oh, they say people come Say people go This particular diamond was extra special And though you might be gone And the world may not know Still I see you, celestial

Lyrics are from Everglow by Coldplay.

The looming grey clouds were moving closer towards him. He could hear the distant sounds of the rumbling thunder. Before long it started to rain and lightning lit up the entire house. The dirt road was flooded in no time, giving the crops the liquid nourishment they needed.

The former army captain was restless. It was on days like these he missed him, more than anything else in the world. He couldn’t sit still and had planned on working on the house, but the coming storm was putting a stop to that. Instead, he sat on the porch swing he built with Elijah when Lucas bought the house.

The Syversons had moved to their farm when Lucas was 4. A few days into the move, their neighbours had stopped by with some casserole, and to welcome them to their community. Mr and Mrs Reed also had a son who was a few months younger than Luc. Elijah had hidden behind his mother’s leg, a little shy, but with some encouragement he greeted Lucas.

“I’m Lucas, but my baby sister can’t say it yet, she keeps babbling Luc, so if it’s easier, you can call me Luc too.”

“I’m Elijah.”

Sy remembered he was trying so hard to pronounce his new friend’s name. He smiled at the memory, the name had been permanent in Lucas’ mind, only using Elijah, when he was mad at him or thinking he was about to do something stupid, which he did often.

“Lija, wanna play?” Lucas asked awkwardly.

“What?” Elijah looked profoundly confused. “I… don’t know.”

“Go on, son. It’s okay,” Mr Reed tried to encourage him.

“Come with me, Lija. I wanna show ya somethin’.”

Lucas had shown Elijah his new toy tractor that his parents had given him for his birthday. The two young boys had played together, and before long were inseparable.

A round yellow object in the palm of his hand. He was fiddling with it. The coin was always in his pocket, so he could keep his best friend close to him at all times. It was an old arcade coin that you could plot into any machine and play one game.

The two best friends had each gotten a dollar’s worth of coins, but the man at the ticket booth had miscounted, so Sy had gotten an extra coin, which the two friends had fought over during their time in the arcade. Lucas being the protector he was, lost to Elijah on purpose, so his friend won the coin.

“I’ll savour it, it’s going to be my lucky coin!” Elijah has announced.

Syverson swung the porch swing with his booted foot. He stared at the coin, wondering why he had been the lucky one. Luc shook his head faintly, his face full of pain and sorrow.

The coin became a thing that decided their fate. When the boys couldn’t agree on something, they would flip the coin. The picture side was heads and the text ‘No cash value’ side was tails. It might have been worth nothing, but it was a priceless item to the two friends.

“Heads: I ask her on a date, tails: you ask her,” Elijah flipped the yellow coin and covered the back of his hand as it landed. The two teenagers looked over at the brunette cheerleader, who was laughing with her friends. Prom was upon them and they both wanted to ask her. Elijah lifted his hand, it was heads.

The dumb coin was always on Elijah’s side. Lucas let out a soft laughter of the memory. Elijah’s face had been priceless, Sy wished he had taken a picture of it. It had been Elijah’s first kiss that night.

When Lucas decided to enlist, Elijah followed him, even with a lot of arguing against it from Sy’s side. He didn’t want his best friend anywhere near a warzone but in the end, he was glad that Lija was there with him through every hardship during training, when they lost people on their team, when they had to carry the dead back to base, it was better to have a friend by your side and share the pain with.

It didn’t take Syverson long to rank up and become captain. He ended up leading a large group of soldiers in a village in Iraq, with Elijah as his lieutenant, he felt like he could conquer the world.

During one of their trips home, Sy had bought a house he wanted to renovate, maybe start a family in. Elijah had spent every moment he could, helping Lucas with the house. It had made them closer as friends, and they had heartfelt talks about their future. Elijah wanted to come home and help his ailing parents with the farm, maybe get into breeding horses, preferably racehorses. Sy hadn’t thought of his future in that sense by then. He just wanted to relax, drink beer and ride his motorcycle.

There was hardly a moment in Lucas’ life where Elijah wasn’t a part of it. Elijah was his best friend, and if he had to be a little girly, they were BFFs. His best friend’s presence had made every moment special, made them better. It was the hardest part, to not have Elijah by his side anymore. He missed Elijah’s silly, huge and sometimes irritating grin, which somehow made the world seem a bit brighter during the dark times. Elijah made his life easier… he just made it better to have a friend to share everything with.

His heart had broken in a million pieces when the building collapsed on top of his best mate.

“Captain, we need a scouting team. I’m taking three soldiers towards those buildings and see if there are enemies up ahead,” Elijah had suggested.

“Lieutenant, I make the orders here. I’m going,” Lucas commanded.

“Heads or tails, Luc,” Elijah picked out the coin from his breast pocket.

“This is no time for such thing, Lija,” the captain grumbled.

“This is the perfect time, Luc. We promised that whenever we couldn’t agree on something, we would use the coin. So, heads or tails, captain Syverson.”

“Heads.”

The coin had landed on the tails side. Lucas had cursed the coin, fuck, shit, crap, dammit!

“It’s my turn to protect you, Luc. I’m not the scrawny little kid anymore, let me show you!”

Elijah had gathered three soldiers and run between two concrete buildings with a big smile on his face. Sy would never forget the smile. It was a grin of pride and determination. And it was the last time Lucas would ever see his best friend.

Moments later a huge explosion shook the ground they were standing on. Sy watched with horror as the buildings collapsed, trapping Elijah and his team. What they didn’t know then was that the impact with the concrete walls had killed him instantly.

The rest of the soldiers watched as their captain went on his knees. Utter despair and anguish plastered on his face, tears about to escape the corners of his eyes. The usual strict army captain, the man with the muscles, the tough guy who could break you with a stare, was breaking down.

“Lija…” he whispered into the dust-filled space, his voice breathless like somebody knocked the air out of his lungs.

At night he had screamed in pain of the loss of his most beloved friend. His days were filled with hopelessness as he prepared to fly home with Elijah’s corpse in a coffin. The nights only brought nightmares, so he started writing a letter to his best friend and thinking of how to tell Elijah’s parents.

“Dear Lija. I can’t believe you’re… Shit, I can’t even write the word. Just a four-letter word, and yet I can’t fucking write it down on a piece of paper. I wish I could have taken your place, man. It should have been me. I hate you for forcing me to pick a side on that stupid coin. I hate you for being so brave. I hate you for wanting to protect me. Fuck you for dying. Fuck you for leaving me. Here. All alone. What about your parents? How am I going to tell them that you’re… how am I going to face them? You are and will always be my best friend. I wish you could go back to your parent’s farm on your own two legs, not in a fucking box. I miss you, Lija. You’re the closest thing to a brother I will ever get. So rest in peace and keep the seat next to you warm, I’ll see you on the other side. - Luc.”

Lucas had sneaked the letter into Elijah’s breast pocket of his uniform before they had shut the coffin. The coin that Elijah had on him, had been put in a plastic bag with the rest of his belongings, prepped to be given to his next of kin, his parents. But Lucas took the yellow token. He needed a memento to remember his best friend by, something that he could keep with him always. A keepsake.

It had taken every ounce of courage for Lucas to step up to the front door of the Reed’s farmhouse. A house he was so familiar with and had so many adventurous sleepovers in Elijah’s space-themed bedroom. He could smell Mrs Reed’s famous peanut brittle, making it harder for him to knock, but he did it anyway. Standing there in his military uniform, he told the two people, who had acted as a second set of parents to him, that their only son had died heroically in battle. Lucas stood frozen, watching them mourn the loss of their son. He was about to step away to give them space, but Mrs Reed grabbed his wrist and brought him into the hug.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t protect him,” he pleaded, his voice breaking slightly.

“Was he in pain?” Mrs Reed asked, breaking Lucas’ heart all over again.

“No, ma’am. It happened really fast.”

Sy fiddled with the arcade coin. Having zoned out the thunder, not noticing the storm had come and gone. The sun was slowly setting on the horizon. It was a peaceful ending to an emotional day.

A loud wailing came from inside the house. The front door opened and out came his beautiful wife with their young son in her arms. His face was stained in tears. The tiny boy reached towards his father the minute he saw him. In his father’s arms was the only place the boy was happy and content. Sy’s face broke into a happy grin at the sight of his son. His tiny fingers trying to grab the coin in the former captain’s hand.

“This,” Sy showed it to his son, “will be yours when you’re old enough not to eat it.”

He chuckled at the frustrated look on the boy’s face. Sy kissed the top of his son’s head.

“I love you, Elijah.”

#Henry Cavill #This man #I need a drink #Captain Syverson #Henry Cavill x female reader #Henry Cavill x reader #Henry x female reader #Henry x reader #My story #Keepsake #Everglow #Fanfiction #henrycavillfanfic

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