#//the one person who understands you
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//"there's so much wrong with jencer" yeah that's the appeal babey
#you know this whole thing is one big experiment‚ right? and you're the little mouse? {ooc}#//it's about the unhealthy obsession with the one person you view as being your equal#//the one person who understands you#//and being overwhelmed with the need to destroy them#//it's also about almost beating a man to death with a shovel#//(to be clear: yes i'm aware jencer as a ship cannot work in a healthy way in canon. that's not why i'm here.)#//(they can be cute and soft in the occasional au where the circumstances line up for that to happen)
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I guess Chilchuck has brought us right back to 'adults who are short are child-coded and if you like them you're a pedophile' discourse huh
#spitblaze says things#anyway.#1) please google 'halfling'#2) THERE ARE ADULTS WHO ARE VERY SHORT. DID YOU KNOW THAT. WERE YOU AWARE#3) THERE ARE ALSO ADULTS WHO HAVE CHILDLIKE FACES. DID YOU KNOW *THAT*#4) IF YOU THINK THE ONLY REASON A MAN COULD LOOK LIKE THAT IS BECAUSE THEY ARE TRANS MEN IM GOING TO KILL YOU#5) jesus christ will you just read/watch dungeon meshi and understand that the entire conceit of his character and of half-foots in general#is that its fucked up to treat people as children or subhuman because they do not 'look' like what you expect a cisgender adult to look lik#anyway if i see one more person call Chilchuck 'has gray streaks and an ex wife and three adult daughters' Tims a sh*ta#im gonna start smashing things#doin numbers
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You don't wish your disability was worse or more visible, you wish your disability was taken seriously. Please stop confusing the two, I guarantee you would not get the support you need JUST by being more severe or more visible. Please listen to visibly disabled people when we tell you it isn't better on our side
#m/cc#mine#I tried extremely hard to word this nicely because I KNOW people don't mean bad and often even know there are unique challenges#and believe me I know the challenges of invisible disability too!!#I have invisible disabilities!#but as someone who has also been at least visibly 'off' since they were 10 I am SO SICK of invisible disabilities being hailed as like#a unique extra oppression that us lucky visibly disabled people don't have to deal with#there are challenges to invisible disabilities that visibly disabled people DON'T have to deal with!#but you need to understand that *the reverse is also true*#there are MASSIVE benefits to being able to lie about your disability for example#or not dealing with the overt ableism that comes with your disability being obvious to everyone#*I do not have the option to pretend I'm not disabled.* that is never an option I have#I walk weirdly. I use a mobility aid now. my speech and face are 'off.' I lean to one side#for a long time I wore sunglasses 24/7 and often didn't make sense. I sometimes can't speak or won't react to others#for the most part people will always know that at the very least something is wrong with me#and more obviously I have people telling me they'll pray for me; telling me I can't do things I'm already in the process of doing;#wanting to shake my hand to tell me I'm an inspiration for not killing myself; giving me dirty looks for existing in public#and yes. I'm aware that this is very much an in-community issue. I know the average abled person doesn't know invisible disabilities exist#that's why there's so much awareness happening for it#but as a visibly disabled person I get SO TIRED of constantly hearing 'I wish my disability was visible :'('#it's just 'I wish I had your disability!' but from other disabled people
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jfc i just saw a "morally grey girlboss" poll and mabel pines was one of the contenders. she's not morally grey she's not a girlboss she's 12 and never makes a single moral decision that's worse than "you have stuff going on but i'm focused on my own problems" what are you fucking talking about
#fan wank /#she's up against characters who have done actual murders#and she's getting a nontrivial amount of votes!!!#yall have brainrot i am sorry#i saw the poll because she was up against one of the MECHANISMS#you know. the band of immortal space pirates that think killing is fun?#i understand that more people watch gf but HOW WAS SHE GETTING ANY VOTES#honestly if i saw her matched against someone i didnt know i'd vote for the person i didnt know. she simply does not meet the requirements
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Kiss Kiss Fallen Tree!
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#Sorry to everyone who was looking forwards to this comic only to find out I put WWX in the ugliest outfit.#Continuity came first. Plus let's be honest; he did *not* show up in anything fancy. Or in all black as seen in most fanart.#We are at the middle of WWX depression arc. His self-care was 100% because Jin Yanli would be sad if he didn't try to look nice.#Okay okay. Fine I've delayed talking about the kiss long enough.#It is absolutely a core LWJ scene over a WWX scene. Which is made even more fascinating because we don't get his POV.#But we get so many insights! His loss of control and his firmness all contrasted against how he trembles.#And all of that wrapped up in a wonderful self-loathing bow! You go Lan Zhan! You hated yourself so much for this!#WWX is a hilarious narrator for this because he is truly just...baffled by what's going on.#He would push the person away but he doesn't want to hurt their feelings or pride (putting other people first again are we?)#I do understand why this one is divisive for people though. I choose to look at it through a character/humourous lens.#I've seen people defend and admonish this scene as a particularly shitty thing LWJ did and let's be very clear here: It was.#That's why I like it. LWJ did a shitty thing and struggles with it. It's part of what makes him so robust as a character.#It's also fine if you enjoy this scene for it's eroticism. You're not a bad person for that. You are just A Person.#People will have their own experiences with this topic. Be kind to each other alright?
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make a wish! 🍃
happy 1st anniversary, in stars and time 🤍
#ok hold on#isat#in stars and time#siffrin#isat siffrin#Okay. WAAAAH WAUUUUUGHWAYUUAU T_T.. HAPPY BIRTHDYS IN STARS ANDB TIMEEEE#i need that FAWKING ARTBOOOOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#idk where else to get sappy about it but tmblr tags are probably the best spot i'll get. isat is very dear to me ..#i played it when i was going through a lot of terrible grief and it really hit home for me#and as i still navigate this terrible grief it gives me a reminder that there are people out there feeling just like me#and even peolle who might not understand still care and love and cherish you. and youre loved way beyond what you really know#the art of losing isnt hard to master .. etc etc#also its nice to see a character who cant remember basic shit all the time. my personal siffrinism#siffrin is like the kim dokja of your computer. The ones who know know.#sniffle. thanks isat. thanks dev.
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chilaios telepathy compilation. btw.
also these ones arent telepathy i just think its fun that they defend eachother + are on the same page about alchohol :
#chilaios#theres probably/definitely more instances of them doing telepathy but ive already stalled so much time for doing my work so#yall can add the ones i missed#dungeon meshi spoilers#????? i guess??????#anyways this is why im insane about that “laios... you get it right?!” line because like. he usually does get it. they get eachother.#theyve reached a point where they can have a whole PLAN sorted out by looking at eachother.#of course chil would desperately hope that LAIOS would be the guy to understand#laios the one chil understands. laios the one who tries so hard to understand chil. laios the one who brings chilchuck out of his spiraling#when no one else will.#of course HE would get it. of course. LAIOS will get it. LAIOS will see through that weird fake. he doesnt see him that way.#..........right?#OH i want to convert some people with this actually so im gonna main tag#dungeon meshi#dunmeshi#: ) hello dungeon meshi fandom. in front of you is a table with the papers required to convert into a chilaios shipper. you have 30 seconds#to sign them and if you dont i will personally apologize for wasting your time
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Everyday I exist and every day I get more and more exhausted seeing the “lol Batman looks at Danny and goes “who’s gonna adopt this kid” He’s so adoptable!” posts.
#bones rants#bones speaks#dpxdc#bones writes in the tags#i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again#GIVE AN ACTUAL REASON FOR BRUCE TO WANT TO ADOPT DANNY!#this man had seen thousands of black hair and blue eyed kids in misfortunate situations and with backstories parallel to his own#so why is Danny the exemption and is the person he puts under his (bat)wing#make a reason and make it compelling. I understand forwarding a plotline to get to the scene you envisioned#but making a character one dimensional ain’t it man.#always ask why Danny is the exemption to the other thousands of kids who could’ve gone under Bruce’s wing. Bruce is a very paranoid person#and doesn’t bring people into his inner circle easily. offering a complete stranger a room in his home could happen#maybe he then relates to Danny and wants to help him with his need for Justice#and THEN adopts him but man oh man. look at all of the robins adoptions.#that shit wasn’t willy nilly and it had actual weight behind the adoptions
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my gendered experience growing up as an intersex person was overwhelmingly defined by my responses and resistance to everything that got me labeled as a failure: failure to quickly get a gender assigned at birth, failure to go through a normal puberty and grow up into a woman, failure at meeting the standards for "complete womanhood" because of my intersex sex traits, and yet simultaneously failing to ever be acknowledged as a "real man" and being treated as a threat when I expressed I wanted to transition.
before i realized i was a man and came out as trans, the ways that girlhood was denied to me was very often humiliating and painful. locker rooms filled with other girls were a frequent source of shame. there were many big and small ways that i was told that my intersex body made me insufficient, incomplete, broken. i was forced onto estrogen, forced into shaving my body hair, and was constantly being told to change myself to better fit this mystical idea of a "normal woman." and even though I ultimately ended up becoming a man, the denial of girlhood was painful.
but i think that these things would have been even more difficult to navigate as an intersex girl if on top of everything I already said, i was having to cope with the denial of my girlhood while i was forced into boys locker rooms. if my doctors were forcing me onto testosterone hrt and refusing to even discuss estrogen, if all my legal paperwork had "M" on it and was a logistical nightmare to change, if every support group for my intersex variation labeled it as a "men's support group," if the LGBTQ community spaces i tried to join were misogynistic towards me often to the point of exile, if my self determination as an intersex girl was denied in most spaces of my life, and on and on and on. while listing all these things out i also don't want to make it seem like it's all about suffering and pain--so much of transition for me has been about joy in my self determination and how much it feels like a reclamation of autonomy to decide what I want my body and self to be like--i know this is an experience i share with so many of my trans intersex friends.
as an person who was AFAB, although there were many ways that trying to grow up as an intersex girl were a painful, logistical nightmare, many times and places that i was excluded from woman's spaces, etc. however, there was a simultaneous affirmation that i was right to strive for that in the first place. which is logic rooted in some fucked up compulsory dyadism, but also which would have made some things slightly easier or even possible at all if i had wanted to embrace being an intersex girl within this fucked up system.
pretty much every time i've seen people on tumblr talking about "afab transfems" in an intersex context, people seem happy to collapse these experiences and act like there's no meaningful distinction or point in distinguishing between different types of intersex embodiment. it seems incredibly extractive, to be perfectly honest with you--taking terms already used by a community to make meaning of their experiences and to expand and dilute that term enough that it means something pretty different than the original.
it's making me think about the concept of epistemic injustice, which is a term coined by Miranda Fricker to describe oppression related to knowledge, communication, and making meaning of the world. There's two subtypes of epistemic injustice: testimonial injustice and hermeneutical injustice. Testimonial injustice refers to the dynamic where marginalized people are labeled as not credible, excluded from conversations, and their testimony and knowledge is labeled as unreliable, even when they're the ones who are experts and have first hand experience of what people are talking about. (this is why i probably won't make this post rebloggable--i've noticed this pattern on tumblr many times where trans men speaking about transmisogyny get lots of notes and are given a lot of grace, where trans women are silenced, attacked for not having perfect wording, and otherwise delegitimized.)
the second type is called hermeneutical injustice. it describes how marginalized people are denied the right to make sense of the experiences in their own lives. this can look like preventing people from building community, terminology, a political understanding of themselves, and the interpretive resources needed to process how you live in the world.
this is a form of injustice that I think almost all intersex people are very familiar with--we are denied community and interpretive resources to the point that we're told we don't even exist, that intersex isn't a real word, and so many more examples that leave us isolated and with very few options for understanding what we're collectively experiencing. as an intersex person i really intimately understand how frustrating, confusing, and painful it is to not have words for your experiences, your identity, your life.
so it makes me really sad and pissed off when it seems like intersex people seem to be replicating this exact same type of epistemic injustice towards transfems and specifically towards intersex transfems. pretty much every time recently i see people talking about "afab transfems" they're doing so in a way that seems to deny that trans women even have the right to make sense of their own experiences in the world. there seems to be this mindset that these political frameworks, these interpretive resources that transfems have built up are just up for grabs for anyone. and then on top of that has come with it a lot of cruel, hateful language and direct attacks towards many intersex transfems who are facing so much harassment right now.
an important value to me is this idea of reciprocity as a foundation for solidarity. to me reciprocity means that we're prioritizing the ways we care for each other, we're thinking about how we can uplift each other, and we're watching out for extractive or exploitative patterns where one group is constantly expected to be in "solidarity" with another group without getting the same respect and care back toward them. i think that there could be so many ways that intersex people of all genders could share our overlapping experiences and actually be in true, meaningful solidarity with each other, but i barely ever actually see that happen on tumblr. and that pisses me off, because i do think that there's so much we have in common that we could celebrate and support each other with. i feel so much kinship with so, so many of my trans intersex friends, and ways where i see our lives converge. but i don't think that can happen in an environment where there's no acknowledgment of the ways that our experiences will sometimes (often) differ from each other, and the ways that we have unique needs.
another frustration i've had based on this most recent couple months of transmisogynistic intersex posting on tumblr is how intersex people have been mostly ignoring intersex community resources and devaluing the existing intersex terminology that people created to try to meet our needs. so much of what i've seen people describing on tumblr seems to really line up with the term ipsogender. Ipsogender is a term coined by an intersex sociologist Cary Gabriel Costello, and is used to describe intersex people whose gender matches the gender they were medically assigned at birth, but who might not feel like cis or trans fits them, might experience dysphoria, and who might feel like they've ended up transitioning medically or socially in some ways. this is a word that exists that an intersex person put time into coining because they wanted other intersex people to feel seen, embraced, and have ways of understanding themselves and communicating to others, and that's something that's super meaningful to me! and yet, i've rarely seen anyone reference it, and also seen multiple people making fun of it in other spaces online.
there's also intergender, which is another intersex specific gender term used to describe when your gender is inseparable from your intersex traits, and that your intersex identity is intertwined with your gender identity in some way. some people just identify as intergender, others use it as an adjective and exist as an intergender man or woman. intersex terminology like this is really important to me, especially because we're so often denied the right to make sense of our own experiences.
i think ultimately what i wanted to say with this post is just that when i think about intersex community, some of the most important values of intersex community for me are solidarity, care for each other, and affirming our right to define our own existence. and i don't think that can happen in a community where people are acting in extractive ways, harassing and attacking their fellow community members, and being dismissive of the realities of other intersex people's lives.
#personal#actuallyintersex#intersex#actually intersex#transmisogyny tw#this post is not going to be rebloggable for now but if any intersex mutuals want to reblog it i might turn reblogs on#this just feels like an intersex conversation in a way i would prefer not to do with an audience of spectators.#also a tangent: i do understand that agab is not a body descriptor. i think that agabs are a form of curative violence perpetuated onto us#this is something i've been consistent about expressing for years. if you go back to old posts you'll see that there's many times i've said#over the years that agab is messy. that i know people who were assigned one gender at birth and another gender as a toddler#who identify as cis and trans and a million other things. i understand that and im not interested in denying their existence#so. don't take this as a universal statement from me about every single instance of “amab transman” or “afab transfem.” but rather in the#context of the current dynamic i'm seeing on tumblr of widespread transmisogynistic harassment#that i think much of the way people are talking about this is exploitative and harmful#also i've made many posts before talking about how like. many things would change and become intelligble in a less compulsorly dyadic world#but we aren't there yet. and so there are many terms that are still meaningful and relevant for us right now#and as always: i am one intersex person with one perspective i like to hear from other intersex people including intersex people#who think differently from me
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I think a lot about Leo standing up for his brothers in the things that really matter to them.
Like- Leo is the one who immediately pushes Mikey and Donnie into finding Raph the second it’s clear that their oldest brother is missing because he knows Raph can’t handle being separated like that.
Leo is the one who stands up for Mikey when Mikey wants to go on a solo mission, actively vouching for him and being the one to convince Raph into letting Mikey go, because being independent and proving himself just as capable of standing on his own two feet as everyone else means so much to Mikey.
And Leo defends Donnie’s honor in particular when his brothers’ intelligence is insulted because Leo is well aware of how important Donnie’s smarts are to him - and how important having those smarts valued and acknowledged is as well.
All this goes right into just how well Leo knows his brothers. For as much as he’ll tease or fight with them, he knows them, and he loves them.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#rottmnt headcanons#rise leo#listen Leo loves his family SO MUCH#and like it’s no accident that Leo is consistently the one to give pep talks that#very notably#are less ‘everyone as a group’ and more ‘all of you individually’#it’s heartening to see honestly and like#it works with how he is as both a person and as a fighter#he knows people he knows them so well he knows how they work what they’re like#which is SO USEFUL for subterfuge AND portal/teleportation strategy#my guy is charming his charisma comes from his understanding of people at an individual level#when he wants to be he is very very good at that#he’s still a teen who is too cocky for his own good at times but that does not negate his stellar other moments#he can be selfish he can be mean he can be rude but when push comes to shove he is so quick to stand up for his family#Mikey’s statement at the end of the movie about how Leo NEVER gave up on THEM is so important because it’s not JUST about the movie!!#that’s Leo as a whole he will never give up on his bros#portal jacked is telling of this too because although it has a lot of comedic moments#never once does Leo stop looking for a way to get his bros back#they’re everything to him#he’s the face man he’s a people person and he’s the number 1 pet turtle which I will discuss the implications of in this essay-#Will also say that when Leo does these moments of standing up for his bros he’s never expecting praise for it#he’s just glad they find Raph he just smiles when Mikey tells him he loves him he never mentions defending Donnie#leo has a tendency to show off fancy glittery moves but his real actions and feelings are sooo much more lowkey#that you have to be actively looking for them to catch them all#and I really really like that about him it’s so interesting HE is so interesting
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i forgot to post this tumblrheads i'm so sorry. ANYWAY. TWO HATS PAGE. THEYMAKE ME SO SO SICK
(once again, appreciated if u don't tag as ship!)
#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#isat#in stars and time#game: in stars and time#loop#siffrin#isat fanart#in stars and time fanart#ouygjgtjggtttt they makeme normal#shoutout to this one person in my tags who said they only tag sifloop as platonic#you're so real you understand me#(that was on my 'cutie patootie stardust!' gif)#i'd go in depth but i don't need to <:) i appreciate no one tagging it as ship so far. love you all#okay i'm done yapping enjooyyy ✨
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law and luffy are so fun bc the fundamental basis of their relationship is that they were both there for each other in one of their most isolated, life changing moments of grief, and they’re the only reason the other survived it. they may not necessarily know all that much about each other, but they do know parts of each other that not even the closest members of their crew (their family) know now. like obviously by the end of dressrosa law sees and understands the reason luffy’s crew follows him, but I think a less obvious truth is that when law saves him luffy sees and understands the reason law’s crew follows him. I just think about luffy’s instinctive faith and trust in law on punk hazard; he looks at law and understands that as much as he pretends not to be law is fundamentally the person who saved him before he is anything else. and I think they both kinda struggle to categorize the specific and unique way in which they are important to each other (although admittedly luffy stops caring to much much sooner LOL), bc it IS different than their relationships with their crew or their family. not necessarily any more or less meaningful, just different. and idk i guess i just think it’s all very sweet, in the end, that they managed to find each other like this.
#the parallels between how law befriended shachi+penguin and how he befriended luffy haunt me a little. you have one(1) trick gayboy#but they’re both there for these moments of apotheosis that nobody else gets to see and it’s. I wonder sometimes how their crews see it.#your captain disappears and returns fundamentally changed and the only person who saw it was this random dude? just some fucking guy.#idek. their entire dynamic just makes me feel so out of my mind. relationships built on an understanding of grief go CRAZY#trafalgar law#monkey d. luffy#one piece#op meta#lawlu
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sin eater
#sorry its been a minute!!! the horrors. you understand.#anyways yall ready for another gloom tag essay because here we go!!!#im constantly thinking about the ramifications of uzi literally eating cyn and her now being apart of her.#specifically how it impacts uzi mentally. like dgmw i LOVE the silly cyntail shenanigans in fanart (ive also contributed to this) however#when i really think about it in relation to uzi's arc i go crazy insane#uzi is a character who is grasping for control after a lifetime of not having it.#she has no control over how her peers treat her. she has no control over khan neglecting her for reasons that arent her fault.#she quite literally has no control over the solver taking her over and making her do monstrous things against her will#which solidifies her feelings of being a freak monster who everyone was right to outcast and mistreat.#because im Unwell i interpret her calling herself god as a way to convince herself of having control- and to lock away feelings of impurity#if anyone is in control- if anyone is loved and cherished despite any and all wrong doings- its a god.#and that all comes to a head when she eats the heart of cyn thereby destroying the AS- a literal manifestation of a corrupted god- for good#finally taking back control from the entity that had been terrorizing and traumatizing both her and her loved ones. but did she really?#cyn is apart of her now. powerless sure- but that doesnt take away the horrors she wrought previously#and even so- has uzi ever stopped being just a host? do you think shes terrified of cyn regaining power out of the blue?#do you think uzi ever stops feeling like a monster?#“sin eating” was a thing that happened where someone would consume ritual foods to take on the sins of a recently deceased person#thus absolving said deceased person of any sins and putting them onto the sin eater. being a sin eater ensured eternal damnation.#and i just think about that a lot. when applying that (symbolically ofc(somewhat literally. she very much is a cyn eater)) to what uzi did.#“gloom you're reading way too much into this” THE LITTLE GOTH ROBOT. MAKES ME INSANE IN THE HEAD. OK!!!!!#gloom.art#murder drones#murder drones fanart#murder drones uzi#uzi murder drones#uzi doorman#uzi md#md uzi#uzi fanart
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Hi i'm absolutely in love with the reverse au!!
I want to know, in this verse does edwin still confesses to charles? if so how is it different? i feel if he did he would end it by apologizing, you know, religious guilt and all
There’s a train that goes through Hell.
Its journey starts in Wrath, and it departs already full of souls. It took Charles far too many years to realize that there were separate, more spacious wagons that demons could board. Not that he could understand why anyone, hellborn or not, would want to get into the damned thing. He certainly hadn’t.
Actually, Charles couldn’t recall ever boarding the train. As far as he could tell, he just appeared there one day, and had spent the next tortuous decades trying to get out. It was part of the torture. Getting out was entirely possible. More than that, it was necessary.
The train had no regular schedule that he could discern (not at first, though he had always been good at finding patterns, and was eventually able to crack it) but it would make quite a few stops before finally returning to the Wrath ring. Souls inside the train were already angry and far too close to each other (close, so close not even air could squeeze in) but when they got really violent was when the train made a stop.
Getting out didn’t mean you were free, no matter where you managed it, be it Sloth or Gluttony, Pride or Lust. No, as soon as the train finished its journey, you would appear back inside, in Wrath where you belonged, suffocating once again, getting ready to claw your way out for the millionth time.
Because if you didn’t get out, The Conductor would get you.
If he thought about it calmly, Charles could probably say that he got out of the train more times than not. Still, being caught by The Conductor once was bad enough, as there was no coal in Hell, and something had to serve as combustible. Souls could not burn to death, and the whole journey always felt longer than eternity when he was caught. Once it was over, he would be inside again, and fight with more desperation than before, not caring who stayed inside so long as it wasn’t him.
He couldn’t understand why anyone, hellborn or not, would want to get into the damned thing. He certainly hadn’t. But as the souls pushed and bit and clawed and punched their way out, Edwin boarded the train. And that wasn’t even the most groundbreaking revelation Charles had that day.
ko-fi
#ask ask ask#dead boy detectives#dbda#payneland#edwin x charles#reverse verse#you get a... drabble? because there's no way I can draw the train#i spent a lot of time wondering how to reply to this without spoiling anything#and then i realized hey i can just draw it there's no schedule#who would have thought#but yeah it was decided early on that charles would be the one to confess#hope you like my little version of charles' hell!#he doesn't like multitudes#trains or enclosed spaces#did edwin eventually understand what charles meant?#uuuuuuh yeah a bit but he's in denial#also i want you all to appreciate how much courage it took for edwin to go to HELL being the religious person that he is#cw blood#i guess?? idk if i should tag something else#I... I didn't proof read and I'm a better drawer than writer be easy on me yeah?
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on the one hand I think inner demons could stand to have a bit more romanced rook specific content, but on the other hand the underlying in-built implication that 'yours is the one true voice of comfort and safety in my inner world' is a sentiment and intimacy so way beyond the romantic or the platonic or any secret third thing you could care to name that it makes me lose my entire poor little mind a bit. it's so big and fundamental — near-existential — that in that exact moment at least the distinctions kind of seem irrelevant.
all the people lucanis' mind conjures up along the way are relationships he has that are unavoidably mixed and fraught in some ways even when they're also full of love (they are fraught BECAUSE they're full of love) — the good in them inseparable from things that hurt him at the same time. (it's about: the basic disorganized attachment patterns this poor guy is dragging around with him. careful with those, they're dellamorte heirlooms. what you love also inevitably hurts you and you won't be allowed to have one without the other, you have to surrender parts of your soul to hold on to what little you have left: this is the story up until now.) and the idea that rook isn't that to him — that beneath the fear of wanting them when romanced (which is more its own separate thing because within this psychology, actively wanting something and not just clinging on for dear life to even a meager status quo lest you lose it is in itself dangerous bordering on catastrophic), this is a relationship where there isn't resentment, or guilt, or shame, or dread, or rage, or self-hate, or any of the other emotions that keep him paralyzed, unable to move this way or that. no debts, nothing owed of yourself and your soul's substance except what you can freely and safely and happily give. love and freedom don't coexist — but, I mean, you're almost starting to make me think........... unless...👀👀👀. the unconditional and undramatic 'you are here and I am here with you, you can be exactly how you are right now with me and it's safe for us both even though you're afraid it won't be, I'm not going anywhere' acceptance rook shows him here that he returns to them in the big romance scene, when it's rook who needs it. the way he's just. standing there in the center of it all, like a child desperately helplessly waiting to be found, hiding in the place he hopes you'll know to look first. (rook does know. it's one of the first things they say in there.)
in short the most important room in his little mind palace for the romance is the very first room — the one where rook isn't. where, in fact, rook cannot be, because they disprove the entire structure of the place with their existence and presence in his life. with everyone else he's putting words in their mouths about what they think of him, and rook is the one who actually gets to come in to speak their own words to him — and have him listen. ('he'll listen to you, he always listens to you', 'your voice is a comfort'.) of course rook isn't present anywhere else in there — at the risk of stating the obvious to a tedious degree, they aren't one of the locks, they're bringing the key. in the very finest 'the messenger and the message' sort of way.
#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#rook x lucanis#rookanis#dragon age meta#rook is his first brush with actual safe attachment. and to me and because of who I am as a person#nothing could be more romantically devastating or impactful fhdsjkfhs that's literally the unreachable wistful dream the pie in the sky#the garrus romance echoes too. some of the same stuff going on under the hood here#you know who else he's sneakily like too actually? iron bull. the 'no matter where I turn I'll hurt someone I love' and dissociation stuff#there's that whole line about 'walking close to the edge or whatever'#which is masterful as a diversion b/c what this romance is really about is feeling truly safe with someone#in a sort of weirdly realistic way that makes it struggle with the conventions of video game romance but sure is Doing something!#and I unwittingly made a rook who also is on that specific arc so it's working out just devastating for me thanks for asking#the part in andrea gibson's 'prism' that's like. there is no shelter in the womb it's where you learn the cord that feeds you#could at any moment wrap around your neck. I think that's the initial understanding of love here. which is not good. if you think about it.#I don't think I really write these kinds of posts btw I just black out for a while and when I wake up from the trance I too#get to read what the fuck I've been thinking about finally. corralling that raging electric storm#that keeps overtaking my neurons at regular intervals and translating it into if not sense then certainly words. lots of words#no one is ever more surprised than me to find out what i'm thinking and feeling
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"Jason just needs to see things from his family's perspective and understand how much they love him (despite them never actually communicating or showing him through their actions)" is out. "The batfamily putting a single bit of effort into understanding Jason and reconciling with him on his own terms" is in.
#my dc posting#jason todd#dc#like genuinely i am sooo tired of the first#like yes yes jason is a stupid unstable idiot who misunderstands everything and somehow comes to the most stupid#wrong conclusions ever and he just needs to see things from his family's perspective#and learn how much they loved and missed him when he was dead WHATEVERRR can you shut uppp#cus yknow how many times i've read fic of any of the batfam actually holding jason's opinion as valid or even doing silly lil small things#like 'not horribly invading his privacy' and 'actually respecting his very reasonable boundaries'? VERY rarely.#when will i get to read a fic where jason's extremely valid&understandable complaints and critiques are actually taken to heart and#anyone puts any effort into actually improving themselves and finding a middle ground#but no sorry i forgot. jason's just a fucking idiot who misreads and misunderstands everything his family does bc he's not a goddamn mind#reader who can somehow understand every miniscule twitch of batman's cape#if my dad prioritized my abuser over me i'd be very valid in concluding he might not care for me that much actually </3#i stop being sympathetic to bruce's issues the moment they're used as an excuse for him to mistreat his kids sorryyy#sorry i'm in a pissy mood rn. this isn't directed at any one specific person i'm just annoyed how common this is. it's a whole pattern.#its own genre of jason fic with no warning for it
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