#//shes intolerable im sorry

[halfawitch-willow]

The update was nothing less than what she expected, but it still sunk to the bottom of her stomach like a stone. It was the not knowing that was the worst. Here they were, facing off against a necromancer who's had decades to perfect this spell, and they were completely clueless.

She refused to lose hope, but it was hope she was clinging to out of sheer stubbornness. All she had was the repeating thought 'We can't let him die' whispering at the back of her mind at all hours.

Like Darius, she didn't doubt that this wasn't permanent, but so much could happen in such a short span of time. All it took was one gorenado and her home and parents would be wiped off the Titan like an errant bug, and she would be helpless. What if her Papa picked up something infectious from the apothecary? What if Dad had an accident on a work site? Being cut off from the Isles like this felt like losing a limb.

His offer snapped her out of her worried thoughts, and Willow looked at him with wide eyes. "Wha- here?" she asked. Was he offering to let her stay with him?

She'd had a couple of offers from her friends so far, but each one of them felt like an intrusion; Eilonwy and Edward had their baby to worry about and there were already enough people in the Lightfoot house, the Ambrosius family home was packed -- or so she assumed from her trips to the Rock Shoppe where there were always at least four residents present, and Tony and Ian surely didn't want her thirdwheel'ing them while she was so stressed out. Even Flower and Queen Clarion's offer of finding her a spot in the Hollow was far from convenient; she was getting better about using pixie dust to grow and shrink herself, but she still needed an escort and she spent nearly all of her time in town.

The last thing she wanted to be was a burden. If that meant packing her entire life into a couple of suitcases and hopping from couch to couch so she didn't strain any one relationship to the point of breaking, then so be it.

But having somewhere more permanent to land was infinitely more appealing.

Her ears pinned back nervously. "A-are you sure about that? I mean, it's a very generous offer! And I appreciate you making it, but I wouldn't want to intrude." Not to mention the social implications; surely the Head Witch of the Abominations Coven wouldn't want a half-fairy who couldn't even cast a proper spell as a ward.

@darius-dues

The Tiniest Lifeboat ❁ Lavender

[deus-ex-mona]

the references to them in mona’s photobook q&a means e v e r y t h i n g to me

[sunjoys]

sometimes i hate customers so muchhh. today a lady was like "could i have a chicken burger" which is Normal except we have two types of cbs (chicken burgers) so im like "lemon and garlic marinated cb or buttermilk fried cb?" (this is on the menu. and also, this will be relevant later, allergens are listed on the menu. including dairy. she had the menu. she read the menu) and shes like "whats the difference?". and im like "... well one of them tastes of garlic and lemon, and the other one doesnt + is more in line with what youd expect of a normal chicken burger." she goes "okay. ill take the normal chicken burger." "awesome!". "[serious expression] but no cheese please, if i have cheese i'll have to go the hospital." and im worried, so i go "oh, are you lactose intolerant? i can tell the kitchen to be extra careful." this is normal procedure if someone is allergic. she goes "yes, im lactose intolerant." im like "great ill let them know to be careful + no cheese!"

then just before i put the order in im like. "wait fuck. buttermilk chicken burger. buttermilk. oh my god shes going to die." and i go back to be like " ! heyyy the regular chicken burger is buttermilk which is dairy, is there an alternative you'd prefer? would you rather the lemon and garlic?" she stares at me uncomprehendingly. and then she goes "i cant have garlic. and im sure the buttermilk will be fine as long as theres no cheese." internally im going holyshit shes going to die. but like if she says its fine..... so i go "ah well if youre sure..." but eventually she goes "well alright ill have the lamb dish instead then. to be safe" i go great!

then i check the menu as im inputting the order. on the menu it says theres dairy in the lamb dish. im like "oh fuck" but i go sort it out with the kitchen and we come up with a lactose free alternative (dont fry with butter, different side dish etc). all good! she eats the lamb and doesnt die!

and then. and then after dessert she asks for tea and i see her ask a coworker for some milk for the tea. im going to throttle someone <3

tldr customer said she was deathly allergic to cheese. and ordered TWO meals with dairy in them (clearly indicated in menu). i was convinced she was gonna die. and then she asked for milk in her tea.

[bitchpack]

they're making a harry potter reboot as a tv show????? why…………

[icarusredwings]

Playing around with the idea of Wade going to a truama trained specialist for his health because he's scared of other doctors.

Have some silly shit I wrote about it. Her name is Dotty by the way. Dots the Pussy doctor.

___

Wade: I thought you said this wasn't a doctors office !?

Logan: whaaattt? Pssshh.... no..

The doctor: *walks in*

Wade: What the fuck is that!? *points to doctorate on the wall

Logan: *gestures vaguely*

Doctor: Oh that? Thats my degree in pussy.

Wade: OH okay! Same.

Logan, mentally: How the fuck did that work?

___

"Hows next tuesday? At 12?"

"Sorry I gotta go to my pussy doctor."

Vanessa, whos infact had his dick in her:......what?

Logan, doing the 'cut it' hand and neck motion.

Wade: Yeah I gotta get my prostate cream.

Vanessa: Ooooooohh right... the pussy doctor..

___

Wade, looking at the magazines in the waiitng room:....Logan.. I just realized something

Logan, sweating: Oh yeah?

Wade: I dont think shes the pussy doctor.

Logan, swallowing: Whys that love?

Wade, cassually turning the page: Shouldn't she be the dick doctor? I mean. There's nothing but dudes here.

Logan, thinking: Oh shit. Oh fuck okay think.

Logan: Sshheeess a pussy doctor becccaauuseeee...

Her: Cause imma lesbian. Hi Wade. Come on back :)

Logan: *sighs and mouths a thank you*

___

Wade, Sitting up on her table, kicking his legs: Tonight were having tacos. But not authentic tacos because cilantro tastes like soap. Does it taste like soap to you?

Dots, giving him his std swab: Nah but I like tacos. Do you like sour cream?

Wade: Yeah I like sour cream. Sometimes I get a spicy burrito and ask for sour cream anyway though. Not cause its too spicy though, but because its just good like that, yaknow?

Dots, labeling the tube: Oh yeah? Im lactose intolerant. Alright. All done. Ill call ya.

Wade: Wait- What do you have against lactose?

Logan, staring at him so proudly: God you're an idiot...

___

And that's how he found his urologist. Just a lesbian who understood the assignment.

Now, if ANYONE tells Wade that this is a real licensed professional doctor, Logan is going to stab you so hard, and Wade is gonna sob.

[ennabear]

Hiya ennnabear!! Back with another req (　ﾟ 3ﾟ)

can i ask for sum sevika x hyperfemme!reader? Could either be a fic or a list of headcannons, nsfw or sfw, i really dont mind !! >3< the prompts up to your interpertation!! Whatever u feel comftorable with!! ＼(^o^)／

I can just imagine Sevika, with her pastel pink, poofy-dressed eyecandy, sitting on her lap as she plays cards .. the people shes playing with all sorta eyeing reader because like what the fuck?? And reader is just like 'oh sevikas just so adorable shsjkassjksksk cutie patootie i wuv her!!!!!' while Sevika is off in the distance beating someone half to death because he touched her shoulder .. on accident ( ﾟーﾟ)

also, i beg of you to use inspo from that one scene in deadpool where he meets yukio. I kid you not thats where i got this requests inspo from.

"What in the fuck knuckles is this?"

(Sevika, with a literal living doll in her lap) "Shes my girlfriend you intolerant shit."

"Woah! Pump the hate breaks, fox-and-friends! Im just suprised anyone would date you! Especially pinkie pie from my little pony."

aaaaa i love this woman sososo much ( ´∀`) my 6' criminalistic murderer drug (shimmer) addict babygirl (〃_ _)

thanks in advance if u decide to write this !! sorry for the agonizingly long yap sesh (^_^;)

--🃏🌀⭐️

(and now to crawl back into my pit of lesbian shame .. (ФωФ))

HIII ANON sorry this took me so long to answer but i’m occupied with writing 2 sevika oneshots so i hope i can earn your forgiveness once they’re out 🫶 also i yapped a lil about hyperfemme!sevika here so ignore the fact that i can’t follow a request to save my life!!! 18+

ok so the way i envision sevika’s girlfriend would be a little bit… drag-ey?? i don’t really know how to explain it so allow me to elaborate…

1. we already know that femme lesbians are feminine in a way that’s different from feminine straight women (more cutesy, stylish, female gaze, etc.) but also…

2. with the way people dress in zaun (when they’re not murdering each other) and the general way they’re animated is very costumey. lots of face paint, masks, sophisticated outfits.

so i think in the arcane universe you’d probably dress something like this. painting your skin weird colors, covering yourself head to toe in body glitter, wearing expensive wigs, corsets, and heels that look impossible to move in, and stuff like that.

that means sevika would try to make sure you’re comfortable 24/7!!! especially if you’re wearing something potentially dangerous like heels that are two feet tall, she wouldn’t let you walk the whole night, instead picking you up and hauling you around.

as if the money silco pays her isn’t enough, she makes tons of money from the guys she gambles with. she spends every last PENNY on you. it’s not like she needs to spend it on herself though, her arm and her scowl are a pretty deadly weapon, and she doesn’t go all out with clothes like you do.

also i think she’d completely fold if you ever wore a low cut top or even no top when you go out with her (and she doesn’t believe in bras… so…) especially if you have piercings in/around your tits, she’d be fondling them and groping them all night!!!

she 10000000% has a thing for public sex!!!! while she’s playing cards, she’ll slide your skirt up (if it’s even long enough…), and have you ride her strap. the dumbfucks she’s playing with would gawk and stare at what’s obviously going on in her lap, but she’s about to rob them of their money, so they really shouldn’t be focusing on it.

oooh and once you finally cum, she’d be like “good girl, now give me another. okay?” and her fingers would start vibrating as you slump down next to her… of course you might get weird looks, but if anyone tries to say or do anything about it she could literally just kill them. (or maybe she’s feeling nice and will break a few of their ribs instead, who knows…)

she’d be constantly covered in some kind of your makeup. especially if you wear a crazy color lipstick like bright blue or something, her lips and cheeks and nose would be that color the whole night. and if you wear body glitter, it would look sooooo pretty on her skin. she’d be glaring at people all night like 😡😡😡😡 but her face and hands would look like ✨✨🌈🦄🩷✨✨

adding onto that, she’d look sooo pretty if she let you experiment (which is a pretty big IF), but imagine her with her hair curled, wearing pretty purple glitter on her cheeks and arms, in some sort of heeled boots that make her even taller than she needs to be, and in a dress?? in a short dress??? sevika in a short dress???? i’ll (s)cream right now…

if someone manages to corner you and talk to you about sevika, the conversation would be hilarious and very unproductive. they’d be like “why her? doesn’t she scare you?” and you’d be like “sevika? my little baby bear?? my knight in shining armor who screams at the sight of bugs??? no… she doesn’t scare me…”

meeting silco and the rest of the last drop crew would be… quite the experience. they’re all staring with wide eyes, practically shaking because of how scary she looks, and then there’s you with your hands entwined with hers, some of your bright pink face paint smudging onto her cheeks and neck as you nuzzle into her. silco’d find her alone for one moment and ask “who the hell is that?” and she’d reply with “my girlfriend. 😾 don’t mess with her.” and he’d be like “your girlfriend? your girlfriend is a barbie doll?? o…kay… congrats to both of you…”

[blusandbirds]

i like everybody being friends but also cobra kai was so funny when people hated each other. eli held onto like a three season grudge against robby first for dating miguel's girlfriend ("look at him moving in on your girl. want me to kick his ass?" or something along those lines) and then for kicking him off the stairs. he held onto that shit longer than miguel himself. tory was dating the guy at the time and dgaffed so hard that when she moved on, it was to robby. carmen diaz, woman who birthed miguel out of her body, wordlessly forgave robby two whole episodes before eli moskowitz, miguel's sophomore year lunch table buddy, did while kicking up double the fuss she had. he hated robby so bad that spending a singular zoo field trip/poorly thought out heist with him ejected all the other evil from his body and pushed him into reconciling with demetri via rickenberger body slam the very same night. that haterism was powerful! let him hate again!! im sorry xander stone but im joining the war on intolerance on the side of intolerance.

[readingwiththestars]

₊˚⊹♡ NOTHING LIKE THE MOVIES

["Trust me, Lib," I said, picturing her lips. "In a crowd of million ski masks, I'd still be able to find you."]

| ✮ 3 stars |

ᝰ.ᐟ ⊹ arc review thank you to netgalley + simon and schuster for providing me with an e-arc in exchange for an honest review

THOUGHTS ° ᡣ𐭩 . ° . [minor spoilers]

ok. i put this review off for a couple days cause i knew this was gonna be harder to write because i love lynn painter books, really. buuttt i was horribly disappointed with this one. i'm the biggest wesliz fan but... like yeah i cant even form coherent thoughts about it. like this was unnecessary there was no point in shattering their relationship to write this.

like it was good to see wes's pov and everything but it felt so... idk yeah. (see im still struggling so bad to find words.)

one thing i would formally like to invite lynn to STOP doing though is shoving every taylor/ pop culture reference on the planet into the book. like holy shit woman. i few is okay BUT NOT THAT MANY COME ON!!!! they were in the middle of a fucking argument and wes is quoting illicit affairs or some bullshit. usually i love finding little references on page but this felt like too much.

i feel like she's whipped out her computer and gone straight to some dog fanpage or just plainly scrolled through edits seeing people saying "this song is so wesliz coded" and shoved those songs into the book. there is an on page reference to in between reference saying its their montage song.

also um this shit: ”little liz can’t come to the phone right now. why? oh. because she’s dead.” and somehow when jack antonoff was randomly brought up??? like some people are good at weaving taylor swift lyrics into books. lynn you are not.

also lynn take this a plea to never use the word "growl" or "growled" in a sentence ever again when describing your male characters. and to never write this sentence “she’s one of the guys you know? she’s just… different,” EVER AGAIN. PLEASE.

WHAT I DID LIKE THO WAS THE TINY TINY CRUMBS OF BAILEYCHARLIE AND NICKEMELIE (even tho nick was only mentioned and i dont think emelie was even there but eh)

CHARACTERS ° ᡣ𐭩 . ° .

liz - ok so weirdly enough she was the most tolerable and still intolerable at the same time. like she was so different from the liz in bttm the sunshiney, wearing dresses of all different colours and her love of romcoms. she was described as anti-love and was practically a full on different character seriously. if you liked the first book maybe dont have high expectations for nltm. like i do understand she had her heart broken and so obviously that makes sense for some of the change but it had been two years and as liz likes to say SO FUCKING MUCH "she's moved on, she's moved past it, its in the past" well for someone who's moved on you sure like to avoid the past a lot. also idk who tf she was trying to fool with that whole "i don't like wes, im over him." shit like gurl- you were literally kissing 2.5 seconds ago whats with the switching sides. and there was SO much about her leaving "little liz" behind. like what was so wrong with liking flowers and romcoms? and being a hopeless romantic and wearing bright colours?

wes - okay so it was quiet heartbreaking to hear abt wes's side of this book (except for the whole pursuing liz part) and i did feel sorry for him. but like what happened to the sweet, caring wes in the first book. and tell me why i had to read THIS sentence “climb on me like a good girl,” LIKE MY EYES LYNN WTF????? i did not sign up for this wes, like no stop telling me how obsessed you are with liz's lips or how she's a mythological sex goddess- boy sit ur ass down. and don't even get me started on the beginning of the book. WHAT WAS THAT SHIT? why was wes acting like a 7yr old excited for school and talking (so much) abt his love for scootering? SCOOTERING. LYNN PAINTER WHAT THE EVER LOVING HELL? SCOOTERING. DO YOU HAVE SOME OBSESSION WITH THEM OR SOMETHING? WHY DID THOSE DUMB THINGS KEEP SHOWING UP?? like tell me why i needed to read this shit: "i fucking loved the scooters ..... wes + scooters = HEA" ..... lynn.

QUOTES ° ᡣ𐭩 . ° .

im not going to bother to find any of these, see: im too lazy

all in all i still liked some points when both of them were acting normal. which is why its a 3. but i feel like this is leaning towards a hate review but yeah idk i cant actually pin point parts that i remember liking- also the ending??? what was that? it made no sense to me.

[lisascorner]

NINJA BEVERAGE HCS YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH

im doing all kinds of writing except the writing i actually have to do for school what has become of me

lloyd

green tea. need i say more

this boy lives off pokka green tea and got mad when the price went up and the volume of the classic bottle shrunk. but, occasionally, he will have a mocha.

but before he goes to sleep each night he'll pour himself a hot cup of milo. or hot chocolate milk.

jay

brewed latte with extra sugar. he can't take the bitterness of espresso, but he wants the caffeine for staying up late to do late-night projects.

otherwise, coke or hot chocolate. i don't think he'd drink milo though.

he is the same before and after merge.

kai

coke boy, because it's red. but i also feel like he'd be an iced lemon tea guy! (the pokka one.)

in all seriousness he's the type of guy to actively avoid drinking water and will drink anything else.

cole

this Rocker likes to drink water, weirdly enough. but ribena and root beer is definitely on this man's guilty pleasure.

he drinks milo with lloyd occasionally. he's a good bro.

zane

...

okay yes he needs oil, but he can drink soda. i think he would enjoy slurpees.

nya

her own element, duh!! but she likes bubble tea with 0% sugar and instead of boba it's konjac....

sora

fanta. all the flavours. she built the machines after she left imperium and sold them for a high price, but she built another one after lloyd took her in!!!! and i firmly believe in this theory.

she's TIRED of drinking water because that's all imperium ever supplies their citizens. however, she does like coffee occasionally!

arin

he loves loves loves chocolate milk. he's a chocolate milk guy for sure!!! unfortunately he is probably lactose intolerant, plus drinking it reminds him of the time his parents would give choccy milk to him every day before school starts, so he stopped drinking them after the merge. but he started drinking it again when lloyd took him in and then he stopped again after he left the team. wow okay sorry i didn't expect this to be sad

riyu

a fireball??? water??? probably??????

BONUS:

lord ras

pure rage. that's it thank you!

[iseebeautyinwords]

dating the ri’s | shuri udaku, riri williams , shuriri

summery : just some shuriri hc’s!

taglist : @pinkwright @inmyheadimobsessed @zayswriting @quintessencewrites comment to be added :)

shuri udaku : ☆

you guys are dating before you even know it

she loves parading you around as her girl

matches with you subtly, like with nails, outfit colors stuff like that

i alr said this but imma say it again SHE BITES

like for no good reason shell wake you up by biting your nose. you kissing and all of the sudden shes biting your lip.

she thinks she’s sooo funny when she annoys you

loves spoiling you and loves being spoiled too

def uses pet names like “my girl” “mama” “pretty girl” “princess”

if she’s on the phone or doing anything she’ll be like “nope im busy, im gonna hang out with my wife”

she has a separate calendar for any special dates you two have

speaking of dates SHE LOVESS stay at home dates where you guys can just enjoy each other

loves being called “panther” “pretty”

she knows shes in trouble when you call her by her last name so everytime you do

“Udaku.” shuri immediately stopped whatever it was she was doing. you only called her by her last name when she was in trouble. she turned around to see you standing at the door of your shared bedroom. you where holding an empty chocolate wrapper and shuri knew she was doomed. “care to explain why this was in your drawer” she knew it was your chocolate, and you did not play with your chocolate. “baby- i can explain. it was griot!” immediately the AI came to its own defence. “panther i can not consume solids, and if i could i would be lactose intolerant” you looked back at her with a look of disbelief “blaming poor griot, do you have no shame udaku? put your shoes on you’re going to get me some more.” she didn’t bother to argue that it was almost midnight”

“happy wife, happy life i guess”

riri williams : ☆ ☆

riri did not waste a second to make you hers

like she was ON IT, “you feelin me right? ight so we locked in”

shes a huge sneaker head to ofcourse she put you on game

loves being pampered even though she tries to put a tough front abt it

riri will let you pick her outfits so you guys can match

lets you do her lashes and play in her hair

This girl is tenderheaded as FUCKK so everytime you do anything she starts wailing like you stabbed her.

calls you “ma” “mami” “pookie” and has you saved on her phone as “baby mama #2” just to piss you off ( theres not even a baby mama #1 )

she got you guys a build a bear toy and acts like its your child, buying fits for it and shoes

“you neglected our CHILD y/n,” “Im sorry i put him in jordans when we are wearing dunks today”

loves when you call her princess, because she deserves TOP princess treatment

made a shirt that says “i <3 my girl” and wears it ALL THE TIME.

“riri williams, get that shirt off your body and put on something proper.” you two where getting ready to go out on a cute little arcade date, and since only one of you is sane and normal, riri took it to herself to wear one of her goofy “i heart bae” shirts with your face plastered on the front. “This is proper ma, i cant show you off?” she draped her arms around your waist. “you wore it last time, niggas are gonna think i’m holding you captive.” she chuckled and gave you a quick peck. “Let them think that then, im happy with my fit. I’ll see you in the car!” she quickly ran out laughing before you could respond. “This girl is gonna be the death of me.”

shuriri : ☆ ☆ ☆

getting these two together is something you often wonder “why do i do this to myselfl

they are just plain EVIL

they love to prank you and tease you everywhere you go

theres not a single dull moment

when shuri’s stealing your food riri is distracting you

and they betray each other too, riri kissing shuri while you grab her phone to spam pictures, or shuri randomly calling riri a pet name while you too are in a heated debate about your shared child so you can run away with the infant in question

they are honestly the cutest, they love spoiling you and pampering you, and you love pampering them alike

they love to cuddle and have you play with their hair

shuri makes fun of riri’s tenderhead

shuri teaches you both xhosa and you guys love it

shuri picks up on you and riri’s lingo sooo quick its too cute

sometimes you catch them staring at you just admiring you

you guys defend griot everytime shuri gets a smart mouth with the AI

you guys are always matching, sometimes on accident

“you guys wanna be like me so bad” you look up from your shoe laces and notice that both you and shuri where matching with riri, all three of you have a soft pink hoodie and black pants on with white forces. “bitch, you wanna be like US, the blueprint.” you retorted as you stood up walking over to your jewelry cabinet to put on some hoops. “You both are insane, you copied me” “actually panther you kn-“ “griot shut up.” shuri scolded the AI and both you and riri glared at her. “You do not talk to griot like that Udaku,” “Yea nigga, griot my son, you watch yo mouth talking to him”

[mechs-headcanons]

if were talking about disabled mech i have plenty of headcanons to share

ivys nerves dont hook up to her mechanism 100% right so she has what im sure is a whole slew of neurological issues. her cranial nerves are mechanized though. i also usually draw her with something weird kinda like cochlear implants but fully removable since she can just unplug it or plug it back in her head

i think itd be funny if nastya was chronically dying of mercury poisoning. but even funnier if she has anemia because yep. no blood there. (it would make sense tho since i cant imagine mercury is that good at carrying oxygen). and she definitely has pots and hemophilia. also raynauds. which would probably be hell actually since most people headcanon shes really cold so i imagine shed just be having flareups all the time and never have any blood in her hands or feet. anyway i also think shes got me/cfs and maybe eds. and a nonexistant heat tolerance

Jonny's got pots and pre-mechanization had a heart defect but yk she doesnt have that heart anymore. oh and costochondritis. i headcanon new texans as nocturnal so i think hes got real bad photophobia (the eyeliners to keep the light outta his eyes) and heat intolerance. & maybe even a sun allergy.

Marius i like to think has mcas but i have no idea where that idea came from. imagining him with crutches for his knees is a lovely idea as well. i dont have too many thoughts here because thinking about Marius and medical stuff just leads to me imagining their horrible doctoring

The Toy Soldier has never been in long term possession of flesh other than the Angels vocal chords and so cant be considered disabled as such but it does occasionally pretend to have joint pain, as its joints have a lot of wear and tear and need frequent repair.

Tim i feel like has arthritis. also he's got chemical burn scars from the gas attacks. mustard gas does that. i thought i had more thoughts bout him but guess not

Raphaella's got akylosing spondylitis and lupus as well as axtually sorry no im about to pass out its about 2am here so skrry you dont get the end of raph thoughts or any of my ashes and vrian thoughts sorry. og wow i just said sorry three times

also, in my human au, among other things, raph is a wheelchair user and marius has an elbow disarticulation + at least one of their knees replaced. thats far from the only phys disabilities in it but giving an exhaustive list would take way too much time

YES AGH 🙏🙏🙏🙏

now i need to write a disabled mechs fic,,,

and dude sleep is important make sure you do that

[bull-shit-suji]

kuro modern au stuff that i word vomited into my notes app

kind of a Vincent summoned sebastian to save ciel so ciel doesnt actually owe sebas anything

amnesia? idk

single dad moment! except theres this other dad whos kinda find.. (cough agni)

i think vincent was like do NOT let ciel know ur a demon so sebastian keeps it a secret but he doesnt have a good handle on like. Humans. so he kinda does a bad job and ciel definitely knows that he's weird but doesnt say anything. will go out of his way to gaslight you when sebastian does weird shit because he thinks its funny

"hey uhh is your dad levitating?"

"no?"

"he's flying above the school rn"

"that's a bird"

u think suddenly being a butler is hard? have fun being a dad bitch

alois is there but thats complicated. claude and hannah are DIVORCED but on decent terms (i think claude is like. toxic alpha male podcast type guy) and claude sees alois on alternating weekends!

are they demons? i dont know

i think ciel and alois can be friends. platonically. alois would probably say yes if ciel wanted to be romantic but i Promise you he does not. they are just pals :)

im saying ciel has a crush on elizabeth because i can (she's not his cousin here). emo boy x sunny church girl. said sunny church girl has to ask the mcdonalds employees for the blue raspberry slushie they forgot to put in ciel's order because emo boy is too scared.

IM 13 EVERYTHING SUCKSSSSS

grelle is actually living her best life transitioned with anne so they are ciel's aunts on his late mom's side. i think grelle likes ciel. mom figure moreso than anne is.

ciel owns four bongs and definitely a vape or two. come on now

he's also probably got celiac and is lactose intolerant he is just a feeble boy i think

he listens to twenty one pilots. sorry! sorry.

ciel is goth alois is punk those r kinda just the rules

ciel is insanely smart top of the class this shit is easy for him.

yells at sebastian daily. figured out what happened with his real parents around the age of uhhhh 12 or 13? has been an absolute terror ever since

"it was really nice of your dad to bring cookies for the field trip!"

"i hope he fucking chokes on one"

"oh!"

sebastian and claude are pta rivals.

"is this lemon bread store bought? my, how... efficient!"

"you made these from scratch? i can tell."

"i've never seen an interesting looking salsa! very exciting."

ciel purposefully invites alois over constantly bcus it pisses sebas off. alois is Terrified of that man.

"go grab the chips from the kitchen"

"but... what if mr michaelis is in there?"

"mr m- you mean my dad? tell him he can shove a faucet up his ass"

"id rather die on the spot"

sebastian will yell at ciel and is maybe a little emotionally unavailable but he's trying!!! it's hard :(

does that Dad thing where he comes into ciels room and is like hey bud......... what r u up to..

ciel and seiglinde r also palls. the smartest people in school

lizzie is a JOCK. she plays softball.

alois is a theater kid come on now

ciel is best at writing and literature analysis, specifically fiction. enjoys history, language, and Some sciences as well.

nerd

au where myspace is still a thing ciel has a myspace account

he definitely writes shitty poetry

wants to major in business

alois is a glee and pitch perfect truther

[meowjuniper]

ones own miniature horses (individuals bellow cut)

rainbow mane 6 rainbow mane 6

some headcanons:

pinkie pie: has dwarfism. is audhd :3 aroace + lactose intolerant (sorry weird al) her and twilight are qprs \o/

applejack: deaf/hard of hearing. unspecified chronic pain disorder (won't admit this) dating rarity and rainbow dash, separately

fluttershy: committed goth. turned batpony, born a pegasus. autistic (obviously) has arthritis. is also dating rainbow dash

rarity: has fibromyalgia. has bpd (beautiful princess disorder/j) if you complain about her being green idgaf + idgaf. dating applejack

rainbow dash: ambulatory wheelchair user (injury caused damage to her hind legs. after PT, she can still stand and walk, but it causes pain) adhd and dyslexic. (fun fact; her wings are modeled after real bird wings specifically built for speed!) dating applejack and fluttershy, separately

twilight sparkle: has vitiligo and type 1 diabetes. autistic (duh) and OCD. never becomes an alicorn because im still an alicorn twi hater 10 yo me was MAD! (in my rendition alicorns cannot be made, only born. twilight faces discrimination of sorts for being the first non-alicorn princess of canterlot) (yes this makes flurryheart not special idgaf fuck that baby 🖕) pinkie's qpr

thank u for reading if u even care

[rantz-for-st0ry]

ig the good thing about making a research doc (which I'm dubbing as 101s) for the aforementioned person is that, now, ppl cant fake claim me for allegedly not doing research and just googling the disorder, looking at "silly websites" and relating to a few of the symptoms listed!! a thing I actively advise against!! I got receipts on my years of research into DID now!! I got sources I can fuckin cite!

most of this rant is in the tags cus I didn't wanna clog up my complaining Abt this person post w my "fake claimers r fucking stupid" rant

never befriend ppl w a names. it never goes well. /vvvlh /silly (as in I mean no real offense to ppl w a names)

[introspectivememories]

at the center of gotham, lies its oldest public hospital — gotham general. it’s staff are kind and compassionate, if a little intolerant of bullshit. the city may not care about the crimes that occur in it but the people certainly do. gotham’s emergency services are renowned throughout the nation as one of the best. 

the ER nurses at gotham general love to gossip and their latest is about how their ever-reliable EMT bernard dowd, who'll rush into burning buildings if he thinks he can save one more person, who smiles so brightly and brings them cupcakes on his days off but has such sad eyes, seems so lonely. they determinedly decide to find a date for him. maybe dr. zacharia thomas, their latest trauma surgeon? yes, yes! he's only a few years older, bernard knows him, they get along, and most importantly, he's got a stable job. he'll be perfect for their bernard!

and then, literally only days after they decide to set up dr. zacharia and bernard on a date, head trauma nurse marissa santos comes running in with a copy of gotham daily, clutched in her hand.

"look! look! nakita mo ba ang balita?" she whisper-yells, "did you see the news?!"

instantly they're all crowding around her, trying to see the paper. covering the front page is a blurry photo of a black-haired man engaged in a passionate game of tonsil-hockey with someone who is unmistakably their youngest EMT. he's still wearing his uniform for christ's sake! in the largest font known to man, "WAYNE'S NEW PARAMOUR?" is written at the top.

"he's dating the wayne ceo!" marissa gushes excitedly.

"isn't he a little too old for bernard?" someone pipes up from the back.

"not the father, you idiot! the son! timothy!"

that's way better than their candidate. everyone is stoked. by nightfall, everyone in the ER knows that bernard dowd is dating timothy drake-wayne, the youngest ceo wayne enterprises has ever had.

when bear stops by, at around 2 in the morning, dropping of the last patient from his shift, he's immediately accosted by the nurses.

"whoa! hey!" he exclaims as they lead him to the nurse's station and sit him down in a chair, "what's going on?"

marissa slams the paper down in front of him, "spill."

bernard groans and turns cherry red, "oh my god tita. don't you guys have patients to attend to?"

"already taken care of." nurse gu says.

"what about mr. gomez, the one with third degree burns that just came in?" bernard tries desperately.

"dr. zacharia is already on it." dr. esperanza responds, "so spill."

their youngest tries one last time, "how do you even know if that's me?"

"there are like 10 blonde people in the EMT department and considering all of them are older than you and none of them seem to have the three ear piercings that kid in this picture does, we're gonna have to assume it's you." dr. farah nasim, one half of the head of the ER, says.

bernard turns on her with a betrayed look.

"sorry kid," she snorts, "also, you're still wearing your uniform in the photo. it says 'dowd' on the shoulder."

"im too old to be bossed around like this." he mutters before sighing, "alright what'd'ya want to know?"

"tell us everything!" marissa says, "how did you two meet?"

"we were friends in high school and we fell out of touch after junior year. he hit me up on insta 6 months ago and we reconnected."

"oh my god!! they're high school sweethearts!" nurse gu squeals, "that's so cute!"

"tell us more! who asked who out?"

"okay well, technically he asked me out but he didn't know he was asking me out. but we went on this date at this restaurant and it got attacked by some villain and red robin, but he was going by robin at the time, rescued. so i told robin, 'hey if i make it out of this, tell tim drake, i would've liked to finish our date'. and then, tim, shows up at my door the next day and says 'i don't know what this feeling i get when i'm near you is, but i'd like to find out'. and the rest is history."

"bernard, what the hell?" dr. esperanza says shocked, "that's the most rom-com-esque story i've ever heard."

"what?" bernard blushes, "no it's not."

"bear," esperanza says slowly, "he showed up at your door and said 'i don't know what this feeling i get when i'm near you is, but i want to find out.' that is something straight out of the notebook."

"no, no! he's such a dork!" bernard assures them frantically, "he does this thing, when he laughs too hard, he snorts and it sets him off again and it just keeps going. and you should've seen him in high school, the biggest skater boy to ever exist. he's teaching me..."

and bernard goes on and on for the next 15 minutes, trailing off only when he notices them all smiling at him.

"what?" he says shyly.

"you're in love with him, aren't you?" dr. farah says.

bernard chokes, "what?! no! ...maybe?"

everyone shares a look between each other. marissa steps forward, "well on behalf of the gotham general ER staff, i can assure you, we all approve."

"thank you?"

"bring him around sometime!" nurse gu says, "we'd all like to meet him."

"why? so you can give him the shovel talk?"

"of course!" dr. farah says, smiling widely, "he’s dating our youngest! we have to threaten him!"

bernard's voice is suspiciously wet when says a few moments later, "thanks guys."

and so on it goes for the next few months until marissa comes back after her break, deathly pale. everyone worries but she refuses to tell anyone what's wrong. and then a few weeks later, nurse gu goes on his break and comes back shocked. and then a month later, dr. zacharia comes back from a quick step outside, lips sealed shut.

and on it goes until there is one glaring truth the gotham general ER night staff cannot ignore:

bernard dowd is dating red robin. open relationship or cheating, to be determined.

a year after the news about tim drake and bernard had been released, and half a year after the, what the staff has taken to calling it, Red Robin Scandal™ began, dr. farah calls a night staff meeting.

the staff meeting is boring as usual until the end when dr. farah opens the conversation to the staff to voice their concerns.

"are we going to talk about the elephant in the room?" dr. esperanza asks.

"i think bernard might be cheating on his boyfriend!" marissa blurts out before slapping her hands over her mouth, horrified.

“oh thank god.” esperanza sighs.

"wait you saw them too?" nurse gu asks.

"in the narrow walkway," dr. zacharia starts.

"between the ER and jacobson building." dr. esperanza finishes.

"exactly!" marissa says.

"i caught them in the parking lot once." dr. farah admits, mouth pressed into a grim line, "they were pressed up against the fence in the back — y'know where the light doesn't shine? — kissing each other like they'd just come back from world war 2."

"ay, how could that boy be so stupid?" marissa sighs, "getting caught up with a vigilante?"

"maybe it's like polyamory?" esperanza says, ever hopeful.

"whatever it is," farah says, "he should know better than to get involved with those people. we have to talk to him."

they pull bernard into an unused conference room, just the 5 of them, 3 weeks later.

"hey, hey!" bernard exclaims as they shove him into a chair, "what's going on?"

nobody speaks.

"guys?"

"are you cheating on tim drake?"

"what?"

"are you cheating on tim drake?" marissa repeats.

"no! why would you think that?"

"everyone on the night staff has caught you kissing red robin at least once. wanna try that again?" farah says.

bernard sighs, "is that what this is about? doc, i swear to god, i'm not cheating on tim."

"so he knows?" zacharia asks.

"yes zach, tim knows about me and red robin."

"and he's okay with it?"

"yes. tim doesn't mind me dating both of them." bernard says, a smile playing on his lips.

nobody speaks for a while.

"so..." bernard breaks the silence first, "are we good here? do you approve?"

"no." esperanza says, "we don't approve."

"what?"

"he's no good for you." nurse gu says.

"you don't even know him." bernard says incredulously.

"oh and you do?" zacharia says scathingly, "he's a vigilante bear. how much do you really know?"

"more than you zach!"

pleadingly bernard turns toward farah, "c'mon doc, you don't agree do you?"

"you know, when you first started dating tim drake, i had my reservations. rich people and all that. but i figured with all that money, if you ever got roped into rich people problems, tim's money would help out. you'd be taken care of and he clearly loves you, so i didn't mind too much."

"but this..." farah trails off, "i can't accept this."

turning towards marissa, "tita, please."

"don't do that, bear. wag kang tanga. it's not good to be with him."

"he loves me! is that not enough?" bernard near-yells, "i thought that's what you wanted. someone who loves me!"

"enough to quit being a vigilante?" esperanza asks.

"quit being a vigilante? are you guys hearing yourself?" bernard asks angrily, "he saves the city on a near-nightly basis and you want me to ask him to give it all up because what? he's dating me?"

"so let him save the city without you." nurse gu says, "why does he need to drag you into it?"

"he's not dragging me into anything! i am a full consenting adult! i chose him! what’s so different about what he and i do anyway?"

“well for one, our job is legal. and two, there are safety measures put in place so that you don’t get hurt. so that your coworkers don’t get hurt. your man walks into the joker’s lair with an inch of kevlar and a prayer on his lips.” zacharia says.

nurse gu sighs, "look. nobody here is mad at him for saving the city. everyone here knows somebody who has been saved by the bats. but the deal is that they save the city and they don't drag anybody else into it."

"the bats, whoever they are? they chose that life. for whatever reason, they chose that life and all the dangers that go with it. you’re not stupid bear, don’t get involved with whatever he has going on. pick literally anyone else.” farah says.

“you need a third person that badly? take zach! the ER was planning on setting you up with him before we found out about tim, anyway.”

“what?” zacharia says, rounding on nurse gu.

“you know what?” bernard says, pinching the bridge of his nose tiredly, “ i don’t have to explain myself to you guys.”

“you can’t marry him.” marissa says.

“who said anything about marriage? i’m 22!”

“you clearly love tim. you two seem like you’re going to last a while and if you love red robin they way you love tim, them somewhere along those years of being together then you’re going to start thinking of marriage. what then? how are you going to explain red robin to the people you love?”

“we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.”

“look, bernard,” farah says gently, “we’re not doing this cause we don’t want you to be happy. you mean a lot to me, i think of you as my son. we just-”

“you’re not my mom.” bernard snaps out, “you’re not my mom, you’re not my aunt, my uncle, my brother. you guys aren’t anything to me!”

he turns and walks away.

“farah do something.” marissa hisses.

“let him go. he said he’s an adult right? then let him make his choices.”

“but,” she says, raising her voice so bernard can hear her, “if anything goes wrong, and i mean anything at all, i hope he knows that adults don’t have to do everything by themselves. that they can ask people for help.”

bernard’s hands still on the doorknob. “thank you.” he says voice rough, “nothing will happen, but thank you for the offer.” and he walks out the door.

bernard dowd, is 22 year old EMT that has too much heart and not enough brain. he’ll rush into burning buildings if he thinks he has even a minute chance of saving someone. he’s kind and he’s sweet and more importantly, he’s dating timothy drake-wayne, ceo of wayne enterprises.

if you ask the ER night staff at gotham general, after a lot of prodding, they might tell you that bernard dowd was one of the youngest EMTs to ever join the gotham county emergency medical services. they might tell you that bernard dowd has been wondering if he should become an AEMT or a paramedic. they might tell you that as the major receiver for all patients, bernard saw them all the time and imprinted on them like a baby duck. and if you’re really close they might, tell you the ER’s biggest secret: bernard dowd is dating both timothy drake-wayne and red robin. or they might just let you walk in on them making out behind the ER. whatever comes first really.

(if you get close enough to a certain group of people on the ER night staff, they’ll tell you that bernard dowd has two hands and he uses them to hold onto his boyfriends. 

they’ll tell you that tim drake is a nice boy and they’re a little worried about their bernard fitting into the circles a wayne walks in, but he’s a nice boy who clearly loves bernard, so they’re not too worried.

they’ll tell you that that red robin character is no good for their bernard and has no business getting so close to their youngest. that red robin is going to get bernard into trouble one day, the kind of trouble that you don’t come back from.

and if you get really close to them, they’ll tell you over lunch breaks and muttered whispers, that both boys are going to break their youngest’s heart. and that if they had to pick, red robin will do it first. that their bernard loves a little too deeply and that they're worried that it’ll break bernard.

but they’re not too worried, they say. because bernard has them and if that bastard red robin breaks his heart, then they’ll pick up the pieces, they’ll sew him back together if they have to. after all, bernard stitches up half of gotham every night, this is the least they could do.)

[darkwitchingflower]

I've lost count but here's another "Sht my friends say as pjo characters" pt like 7???: Also side note sorry if I'm repeating these idr the last one i did lol:

Jason: I opened my glasses case and started panicking because I couldn't find my glasses... I'm literally wearing them

Leo: if I ever have a son ill take every chance to laugh at him

Reyna: Thalia the love magnet. She got b*tches (romantic) when all she wanted was b*tches (platonic) (Gojolover69, see last quotes post by @wraith--2)

Leo: so you're a ho*n't (same person above)

Piper: Stole scientific equipment and everything and we found out the smallest thing in the galaxy is the size of our patience because we gave up the search and stole a gazillion dollar dildo ( @wraith--2 )

Leo:....calculator

Reyna: You're a calculator

Leo: are you calling me smart?

Reyna: no I'm calling you a tool

(I'm Leo and @thatonelazyghost is Reyna here)

Piper: Coach keeps going on about ppl who aren't in and he's like and then there's Annabeth who's broken her ankle ( @wraith--2 )

Will: I'm gay, I have the spidey sense for rainbow things ( @indecisivenb)

Nico: it's not gay if it's from behind

Nico: I'm ready to leave now

Nico: like I'm done

Nico: too peopley

Nico: nvm coach gave me a maulteaser

(Me on my last day of college)

Annabeth: You absolute bean of a human

Piper: Hi its me, Percy, a twink! ( @thatonelazyghost)

Leo: I put Frank down because he's lactose intolerant (me)

Leo: dismember my body and stick me in a lightning McQueen coffin ( @wraith--2 )

Nico: what's your sexuality

Ghost swings it back and forth*

Nico writing down bi: Ah you swing both ways ( @wraith--2 )

Reyna about Leo: DAM bros balls didn't drop

Leo: ...and the tip was empty

Mr D about Connor and Travis: ITS THE F*CKING TWINS!!! WANNA KNOW HOW I KNOW THAT?! THAT GUY HAD THE F*CKING ZOOMIES HE HAD PLACES TO GO AND PEOPLE TO SEE

Nico: is anyone gonna pay attention to the fact Leo's dead?

Leo: THANK YOU!

Nico: You're dead shut up

(Nico is @thatonelazyghost and I'm Leo here)

Luke: I'm no p*ssy ill skin my victims infront of the lifeguard ( @wraith--2 )

Leo: like do you moan daddy, mammy or parental???

Playing stardew valley*

Nico: I love Willy

Everyone dies*

Percy: I love cream in my mouth! (Ider the context for this I just know the sake friend said the quote above this one too so it may be smth to do with that idr)

Leo: I don't need a psychiatrist I- ( @duckbakery)

Piper: you need God (Gojolover69)

Playing DnD*

Leo: I also successfully charmed a woman at the bar, then Nico ( @duckbakery ) goes

"The woman leads you away"

Everyone else: "ohh wait hold on ooo whats going on, dayum"

Nico: "you come back 2 minutes later"

Everyone dying laughing

Nico: "you went into a private room but couldn't stop talking about pirate ships so she gave up"

Alex Fiero (I think that's their name? I haven't read Magnus yet): Oh so YOU'RE the gender goblin ( @thatonelazyghost )

Mr D: I'm literally the god of gender identity, furries and monsters

Piper: I want someone to yippee on my body ( @thatonelazyghost )

Leo: Leo you should know better its because of your feminism you f*cking freak

Annabeth: Freaky feminists have got to be my favourite breed of gender (she was totally talking about Thalia here) ( @wraith--2 )

Calypso: Leo always finishes early

Leo: ye I do- WAIT WHAT?! ? ( @duckbakery )

Playing stardew*

Piper: LEOS A WOMAN

Piper: OMG HIS NAMES EMO-LY

(Me about another friend)

(Pic of character at end of post)

Nico: do you have any food?

Hades: Nope ( @duckbakery )

Nico: guess I'll die then

Thalia: I have a dead cat in my shed

Hazel: OMG PICS

Thalia: Read that again

Hazel: OH OH NO OH NO OH NOOOOOOOO I DIDNT SEE THE WORD DEAD

(I was Hazel here)

Rachel: I do other stuff than being ginger ( @duckbakery )

Percy: If you don't sleep rn im gonna call you tickle tipsin

Annabeth: ... what ( @duckbakery )

Nico: call me what now (me)

Percy: it's from the "it's been a year daddy" video you freaky f*cks

Nico: it's a beautiful day outside... f*ck- (GojoLover69)

Playing stardew valley*

Piper: annabeth ya know he likes pickles right?

Me: ya

Hazel: who like pickles?

Piper: Harvey

Hazel: divorse him!

Piper: ye he clearly likes men

(I'm annabeth and @duckbakery is piper here)

(The text was sent too early)

Percy: sorry I'm late I got blown

Percy: into smithereens

( @duckbakery )

Percy: This is more zesty than Piper and that's saying something ( @wraith--2 )

Leo to Jason: F*cking senile b*tch

Jason: I'm older and wiser except I'm not smart ( @duckbakery)

Piper: forget the fact I split a gay man in half in the gc ( @wraith--2 )

Coach Hedge to frank: why did you feel the need to @everyone about percy and annabeth getting 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 ( @thatonelazyghost )

Annabeth: oooh eloquent 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 ( @wraith--2 )

Reyna: Perchance you can suck my d*ck ( @wraith--2 )

Leo: Perchance you can commit tax fraud with me (Gojolover69)

Piper: Perchance we can stab ppl together ( @wraith--2 )

Percy: Perchance. Get on the f*cking boat and let's hunt 😈 (Gojolover69)

Rachel: perchance 7 half bloods shall answer the call to storm or fire the world perchance must fall with an oath to keep with a final breath perchance as foes bear arms to the doors of death perchnace (me)

Nico to will: Perchance you and me should fall into tartarus ( @wraith--2 )

Thalia: perchance we should all hug and kiss in a platonic way ( @thatonelazyghost )

Reyna: Perchance that is an excellent suggestion (Gojolover69)

Reyna: Perchance I shall kiss Thalia completely platonically ( @wraith--2 )

Percy: perchance that platonically is bs (me)

Reyna: Lies I'm off at sea and don't see Thalia every morning ( @wraith--2 )

Percy: i know for sure you've found a way regardless ( @thatonelazyghost )

Reyna: I feel like this is bullying ( @wraith--2 )

Leo: guys we need to do among us in real life ( @duckbakery )

Annabeth: That's already a game Leo, it's called mafia ( @thatonelazyghost )

Percy: I see you've grown a brain can you share (friend from work)

Thalia: the need to refer to eachother as "love", "dear" and "pookie" is strong but the aro is stronger ( @thatonelazyghost )

Piper: this whole group is secretly but not very secretly a big polyamorous relationship ( @thatonelazyghost )

Reyna: So glad the sex aversion in me is strong cause imagine the stds going round this place my God ( @wraith--2 )

Annabeth: i'm iconic i'm quotable and i'm autistic ( @thatonelazyghost )

Leo: Are you a heinz baked beans, extra rich tomato sauce-sexual? (Gojolover69)

Percy: So my mam booked me and my sister a swimming lane for tmr morning, and I'm like oh dear God mother, u do know I'm currently blasting liquid magma from my a*s, which travels at super sonic speeds, do you reckon this is safe for public health? (Gojolover69)