#//shae wrote a

[gregorygerwitz]

You've mentioned before that thelma has trauma of her own regarding expectations. Was it a conscious choice to push those expectations onto the next generation or did she actually believe that was okay?

Is she actively malicious or just someone who couldn't break the cycle of abuse?

How does she feel about 💖🎉💫✨therapy✨ 💫🎉💖, bestie?

Is she one of those rich people who pays a therapist to tell her what she wants to hear or could she potentially get something out of it if she went?

In the au where Kim is adopted, does she hate Kim because she's proof that Thelma herself is the infertile/barren one?

How did you arrive at the name Thelma?

I love questions. Also thank you for these, the part of me that almost became a psychology major is having so much fun. I love this for her, specifically.

Honestly... I think about exactly this on a regular basis.

(also, to get the less essay-relevant question out of the way: the name was suggested by @kitthekazoo and I liked it and so it stayed)

warnings: emotional abuse, implied homophobia, ptsd, mentions of death (absolutely no details), drug use, implied alcoholism, brief mention of infertility

under a cut because it got... so long

This is like the only area where I'm willing to be somewhat sympathetic to Thelma. Because, no, she wasn't actively trying to push her trauma and her complete inability to cope with it or any of her failures onto Mouse. That is simply the only kind of life she's ever known - behave as a child, grow up comfortable, marry someone else wealthy, raise a family, the cycle continues. I don't even think she realizes anything about how she was raised was traumatic. It was how she was raised, how her friends were raised, how her mother lived, how her grandparents lived, and so on. It's not necessarily that she thought it was okay, that was just how things were, and she hadn't seen anyone try to change it, because why would they? Shouldn't everyone want that? To have a comfortable life with money and no worries? To raise the next generation in the same world so that they don't have to worry, either?

It's a very logical progression, to her. She did everything right, and she's still not happy, so there must have been some flaw. Someone, somewhere, made a mistake. A mistake was made, so she isn't living the perfect life she's supposed to have. She has one child instead of the 3+ she was aiming for (don't even get me started on the added pressure that came from both her and Gregory III being only children and both sides telling them they need more than one heir so that the family can grow again), she has a husband who she doesn't love and who is unfaithful to her (whether or not she knows about that part depends on the universe anything is set in), and the one child she did manage to provide him is... rejecting the same plan that every generation has?

As awful as it sounds, and it really is awful, she sees the life that she has as a failed one. She didn't do enough, and she has to live with that failure. She sees pushing that kind of life on Mouse - pretty wife who comes from money, 2.4 kids, white picket fence, running the family business - as a way to defy her own personal failures. If he succeeds in those things, maybe she hasn't failed. If she can produce a success, can't she count that as her own?

And then he drops out of school, and comes out, and that plan - not even her plan, just one that each generation has inherited for over a century - is shattered. He doesn't want a wife, he doesn't want kids, he doesn't want the family business. He has become, in her eyes, another failure. Except he wants that. He is choosing this life that she views as failed and is actually happy with the choices he's made in it and all the things that make it a failure.

and how dare he be happy doing everything wrong when she did everything right and doesn't get an ounce of happiness from it

I think about this a normal amount

So, when it comes to therapy... the short answer is she doesn't believe in it? It's not like astrology (which she also doesn't believe in) where she's like "oh, that's obviously fake and means nothing," it's more like... another carry over from the trauma that she doesn't realize she even went through.

If someone needs therapy, she honestly thinks they should seek help and get it. I maintain that Mouse got a few sessions when he and Jay first got back after their medical discharge because like... he's been through an obvious trauma? He almost died? Some of the people he knew did die? Like, he needs a way to recover from some of that, and she sees it, and understands it, and hires a therapist for a couple weeks until his nightmares about it "stop" and he "doesn't need it anymore."

That's kind of her take on it? Therapy is for people who obviously need help, not for people like her. People who live in nice big houses with a rich husband and a war hero for a son don't need therapy. That's ridiculous. It's very much so an extension of that public image she was raised to have. If her life is perfect, at least on the outside, she doesn't need help behind the scenes.

In theory, she could absolutely go to therapy and pay them to say whatever she wants to hear and be done with it. She could also potentially get a lot of good out of it if she went. She just... isn't going to. That would mean admitting to the failure she's still in denial about.

She turned to prescription meds (usually Xanax, otherwise whatever is being passed around by her book club friends at fundraisers and events, at one point she probably stole a bottle of Mouse's pills when he got home and passed those around herself) and too much wine at dinner, like a normal person at her place in society.

In that AU, in particular, I think all of that feeling of being a failure is just compounded. She was already feeling that way, and then she finds out, the same way as everyone else, that Gregory III has been cheating on her through virtually their entire marriage. She finds out through gossip magazines and stupid tabloid articles, and then he's saying he wants to bring one of his children from those affairs into their home (and yes, there's more than one child out there from all of that) and act like everything is fine?

Listen... the fact that she tried to turn Mouse (at age 16) against this newcomer and paint Gregory III as the bad guy in the entire situation makes complete sense to me. The one and only time I will look at Thelma and say "mood" like yeah, I hate her more, but Gregory III isn't innocent in any way, shape, or form. Fuck that guy.

But the idea that she did the right thing - I know, this is a strong theme in this essay, bear with me - by giving him a child, a son who can carry on the Gerwitz name to the next generation, even, and then... Mouse was one and a half when Kim was conceived. And yeah, she was an accident, the affairs were never supposed to result in kids, blah blah blah, but Thelma absolutely gets it in her head that what she did wasn't good enough. She already sees Gregory III stepping out on her as a personal failure. She wasn't good enough to keep her husband at home and in their bed and with her and all that. The fact that he is willingly taking in this child, giving her the family name, giving her the life that was supposed to be for their children with all the comforts that came with it...

The anger and frustration that she feels has less to do with her inability to have more kids, and more to do with the fact that her failure is being pushed back into her face every single day. Her failure sits at the same dinner table. Sleeps in their house. Goes to school with their son. Her failure even shares their last name.

[starlitwishes]

It has been hours since the sun set.

Wrenn had agreed to help Keon, and studied the text books until his head hurt... but there was no sign of Tighnari. He knew that the other probably needed space to process his feelings alone, but the more time passed into the dark of night, the more Wrenn started to fret.

The image of Tighnari on the verge of a seizure weighing heavily on his mind, he couldn't stop the intrusive thoughts from entering his head--what if Tighnari had a seizure out in the woods, what if it came on suddenly and he collapsed and hit his head? What if he had a muscle spasm that made him fall? Wrenn tried so, so hard to calm himself down, telling himself that Tighnari had lived with these symptoms long before he was even involved, that he knew what he was doing...

... But the longer time passed, the more frantic Wrenn's mind ran. Something was wrong. Something had to be wrong. Tighnari was still gone. He was missing.

Wrenn stood up violently, nearly knocking the chair he was sitting in over. He couldn't stand it anymore--he had to go find Tighnari.

So with a gust of wind, he was flying out the little house, on a frantic search for the forest ranger.

Wrenn was high in the sky as he called for Tighnari, sharply darting around through the dense canopy in his search. Finally, he came across some smoke from a campfire, and his eyes widened. Was that a campsite?

He dashed over to it, landing with a small stumble as his eyes darted around. Thankfully it didn't take long for Wrenn to spot Tighnari asleep.

Damn it... he thought, growling as the mechanism in his chest started to settle. Panicked tears stung at his eyes, and his breath was hard had wavering.

If Tighnari was going to go camping, he should have told him...

Drawing in a deep breath, Wrenn wiped at his eyes. Yet the deep breathing didn't help, his chest still felt tight, like a balloon that was about to burst.

He still shoved his feelings down, however. Tighnari was asleep, and needed his rest. He had been through too much lately, too much... Wrenn had to keep it together, he had to...

A soft noise still managed to escape from his throat, but he caught it in his hand. Tears stung at the corners of his eyes, and silently dripped down his face. No, no, no--he had to keep it together, he had to...

Swallowing it all down, he took flight again--he didn't have the strength nor the heart to wake Tighnari up and demand he go back home--and took note of the trees and the smoke from the fire that had just about died.

Then he flew away--only to return about an hour or so later with a canteen, blanket, and a note.

"Here's a new medicinal tea. Sorry, It's bitter."

That was all that was written on the note as he placed the canteen in an area he knew Tighnari would check, and tucked the note somewhere dry.

Then finally, Wrenn made sure that Tighnari's sleeping gear was properly orientated. It wouldn't do for the other to grow cold in the middle of the night--that was also why Wrenn brought the blanket. It was cold that night, so an extra layer to help keep Tighnari warm wouldn't hurt, right?

Yet his hands still trembled, and tears still threatened to drip from his eyes as he rested the blanket on top of Tighnari. Using the canteen he carried around that was filled with water, he dumped it onto the campfire for good measure. The smoke had gone away by that point, but it was better to be safe than sorry.

And still his hands shook, and still his cheeks dampened from tears. The emotions he wore on his sleeve couldn't be kept down anymore. That was clear to him--the panic causing them to expand in his chest, to fray and spark like a live wire.

Wrenn couldn't stop the sob that escaped from his throat--but he took to the air immediately after it did, and flew off in a random direction.

Far, far, far away--he needed to get far away, so Tighnari's sensitive ears couldn't hear. So no one could hear.

Finally he descended from the canopy and stumbled onto the ground, the mechanism in his chest that imitated a heart pounding and breaking.

He was breaking. He was breaking--

I'm not breaking, a logical part of him thought abruptly. I'm spiraling.

The distinction was important in the moment of realizing--because spiraling out of control was a normal emotional response, wasn't it?

Wrenn was fine. He would be fine. It was just his emotions, it was nothing--

--I'm breaking, it hurts, it hurts so much--

--No, not breaking, you're fine, you're fine, you need to be fine--

It doesn't matter. Wrenn sobbed heavily. It hurts.

Wrenn gritted his teeth, but he wanted to scream. He wanted to scream until the pain that roared in his chest ceased, until he couldn't feel anything at all.

But if he screamed that loudly, wouldn't someone hear him? No, he couldn't be heard. That was the last thing Wrenn wanted.

Breathing hard, Wrenn had a disgusting thought. Maybe if he went back to his old ways, for just a moment, the desire that clawed at his throat would go away. So his eyes darted around, spotting a large rock--or maybe it was a boulder?--sitting on the edge of a still body of water. Growling, his eyes started glowing as Electro sparked from his finger tips, and soon, Anemo joined it. With a comparatively small shout, Wrenn ran up tot he rock and punched it.

His mind flew into a blind rampage after that, only to slowly come to and realize that he had punched the damn thing several times. There were cracks, and the boulder threatened to split in half from the sheer force of his rage-fueled emotions, but... the destruction didn't make him feel good.

In fact, it only made him wheeze, his tears streaming down his face faster and faster. This wasn't working. It didn't help. It was then he realized that it never really did.

Destroying things never made him feel better. It only made him exhausted, too exhausted to feel anything. That wasn't an option here--not anymore.

His hand hurt, but he ignored the pain there--it was a mere distraction from the pain in his chest, and not even a good one. Tighnari taught him about distracting himself when he was upset, he remembered. So Wrenn tried to do the same thing--tried to make out shapes and colors in the dark.

It wasn't working. His mind was too focused on the pain he felt, unable to be distracted by shapes and colors. It was almost like he wanted to be in agony.

Wrenn brought his hands to his head, and he gritted his teeth so hard that his jaw hurt.

The desire to scream at the top of his lungs till tore through him. Was that really the only thing that would make it stop? Maybe he could scream then, just this once. Maybe he could be heard, for miles and miles--

--But he didn't want to be heard.

The swishing of the water managed to catch his attention for a moment, and he had an impulse. Water. Water muffled sound, didn't it? It was a still body of water, so it wouldn't pose any threat to him...

Without thinking about it further, Wrenn threw caution to the wind and sprinted off of the edge, jumping and plunging into the water below. It was just a few feet deeper than he was tall, which was perfect.

And then, he finally screamed.

He screamed until all of the air in his chest was gone, until he could scream no more. He didn't need to breathe, he didn't need air--but he still didn't let water fill his lung mechanisms either. Screaming until he was out of air seemed to have been more than enough, and the cold of the water put his body in enough of a shock that the rapid emotions died in their tracks.

Resisting the urge to pant, Wrenn forced his eyes open, and though the darkness of the night made seeing underwater even more difficult than normal, the moon managed to light enough of it for him to see hints of blues and greens. The shape of the light and the colors took away the rest of the pain, flowing out of him like venom out of a vein.

There was something oddly... serene about floating in the water, staring up and at the moon through the water's surface. Despite the fact he was still crying, he couldn't feel it anymore--and it was just him, the water, and the moon.

The tension in his body lightened, and he remained there for a few moments longer. His eyes fluttered closed, and if he didn't know better, he could almost fall asleep with how tired he felt now.

Yet the burn for air replace the desire to scream, and eventually he gave in and swap back up to the surface. He gagged a bit upon breaching the surface, but Wrenn simply wiped his mouth of water as he climbed out of the lake.

Now that he could think again, he realized he needed to get back to Gandharva Ville. Even though Wrenn was soaking wet, and his knuckles on his hand were bleeding--

... No, because he was soaking wet, and because his hand was injured, he needed to go home, because there was a first aid kit there. Because that's where he had a change of clothes.

Home. He wanted to go home.

And so he did--with a gust of wind, Wrenn took off into the skies once again, to the little place he called his home.

[attic-club-sandwich]

Our Secret Moments... 💜✨

Thank you soooo much to the lovely @delphi-dreamin for creating this absolute masterpiece for me! Words cannot even express how happy it made me to log in this morning to see this!! Seriously, if you don't follow her already please do, her art and writing are equally amazing. This is my Obey Me! MC Shae and Mammon inspired by a fic that I wrote called Dress (probably my favorite fic i've ever written let's be honest lol). I would super appreciate you giving it a read (18+ only).

[tweedfrog]

hater ask lannister sibs

Tyrion - this is like. Fraught and im unsure how to address it because it is well done from Tyrions pov but I hate that we never got a POV of at least one of the women he uses sexual violence and regular violence against. We can see from Tyrion's point of view that he is in a downward spiral and that he is disgusted with himself for things like having sex with the enslaved sex worker in Essos. But i think in particular something like a Shae pov would have fleshed out the character so much more and in turn made Tyrions chapters richer. It's easy for a lot of people to dismiss Shae as a gold digging harlot but i think stepping inside her mind and seeing Tyrion as a client she's providing a service for and is then in turn pressured to testify against would make this more difficult. It also would make Tyrions downward spiral more obvious because here's this guy who once had a soft spot for the cripples, bastards, and broken things - the outcasts of society - using and abusing someone lower on the pecking order. FROM the pov of the person being exploited. You can't get tyrions self justifications if you're in Shaes mind!!!!

Cersei - ok I understand why GRRM wrote it this way and it was super effective but I would pay 5 million dollars to have cersei internal monologue chapters covering 2 times - the time period between Ned telling Cersei he knows about the Incest and her successfully killing Robert. AND the dinner with Kevan post penance walk. I think it'd be some of her best work yet I NEED TO BE INSIDE HER MIND.

Jaime - actually I'm pausing the haterism here to ask YOU a question as a certified Jaime understander. It's not something I hate but it's always something that's bugged me that I don't know - when Jaime has his dream and Rhaegar says he left his wife and children in Jaime's hands and he says "I didn't know. I never thought he (Tywin) would hurt them". Was he trying to hide the truth from himself (he did know tywin would hurt them but he did a quick trolley problem in his head and the citizens of KL were a more pressing issue) OR was he actually ignorant as to the depths Tywin would reach?

Aside from that 2 things - I hate that Jaime's hair is probably growing out because i think him being bald is actually a great symbolic tool. And 2 - I hate that in book canon he isn't dyslexic because I actually think this was one of the few great show changes and i always forget it isn't book canon because it's really good.

[atopvisenyashill]

I know I shriek and shout about the shitty ending to GoT but Lena Headley was the bank, the banquet, and the chef's kiss in the early seasons. Her conversation with Robert over Lyanna-I want to die for. Her interlude with Sean Bean over the incest- where Ned/Cersei comes from. Her scenes with Sansa and Tyrion, I want crawl over broken glass for the fix it AUs.

Then D&D couldn't write their own plot holes over with a union construction team. Mourn Shae.

Y E S okay first side bar i LOVE lena & peter’s relationship, i think it’s so funny that at a few award shows they swapped seats with other people to sit next to each other, and peter would shout her out when he won for being such a good scene partner, i think she dealt with so much crap for being Good At Her Job and i love that she had someone on the cast who was always like “let’s talk about our lord and savior lena headey”

i think her relationship with oberyn in the show is really underrated. that scene where she says she wants to believe myrcella is okay & oberyn tries to comfort her. “everywhere in the world they hurt little girls.” just amazing. imagine if they actually did the story where myrcella is accidentally harmed by arianne’s doomed queenmaker plot.

a lot of her scenes with tywin are annoying to me bc the way they wrote tywin was so annoying but that one where he tells her she’s going to remarry and she goes “father don’t make me do this again” and he just screams at her. oh my god. it’s amazing. my heart drops every time she says that line.

it is crazy to me that this was like, for me, a defining performance, like this is a performance you bring up when you talk about how acting is ART and she didn’t win ONCE.

[defira85]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love ❤️

Ohhh thank you so much lovely! And this actually ended up being harder to narrow down than I thought, haha! And I apologise to my ME and DA fic but right now they aren't singing to me so... in no particular order:

5. Keep Telling Me To Breathe (F!Durge x Gortash) Much like your first listed fic, this was also the fic that got me writing again after a... 4 year rut? 5 year rut? It's my magnum opus. It's my baby. It's the best thing I've ever written. It's a 17 year tragedy written in reverse. Both of them die. They live happily ever after. It made me so insanely happy. Kass is my favourite character in the universe [click here to start on AO3, my chapters are too long for tumblr]

4. You Owe Me a Drink (Trans F!Bounty Hunter x Shae Vizla) This is a fic that holds a very special place in my heart. Star Wars: The Old Republic is responsible for some of my best fandom experiences, and I met most of my dearest friends through SWTOR. Ysaine Pierce, buff and sweet and accidentally a bounty hunter, falls in love with one of the fiercest Mandalorians in the galaxy. But there's a war on, and that makes it hard to be in love [click here for AO3]

3. Grief (F!Bounty Hunter x Arcann) Kol'aya was never supposed to be an important character for me, she was just one of my test characters that I used to run new content before I sent my mains in so that I knew what options to choose for them for perfect cut scene photo opportunities. And then she had to choose between saving her husband and saving another character, and I made her a widow... and the game never acknowledged her grief or the horror of what had happened. So I wrote about the fact that everyone of her companions ignored her pain, and realised that actually, she was an important character to me after all, and an emperor had fallen in love with her quietly in the background [click here for AO3]

2. A Heart As Cold As Ice (F!Drow Tav x Gale) I know it's only got 3 chapters so far but I'm so proud of this one. I love world-building, and the lack of anything resembling coherent world-building for drow means I can go crazy. The most recent chapter has the best fight scene I've ever written, and I'm just starting to get into the religious stuff now in upcoming chapters which I'm excited about [click here for AO3]

1.An Empire's Ransom (F!Jedi Knight x Thexan) This is THE fic. The one that changed everything for me. A silly whim, what if Thexan survived the SWTOR: Destiny trailer in 2015, and then suddenly I've written over a million words across 5 fics. It changed how I write fic, how I approach crafting a storyline and how I work on character growth. Looking at it almost 10 years later, there's a lot of things I'd change, but that's the nature of growth isn't it? It helped me to grow as a writer, and I'll always love it. Ona'la and Thexan 5eva [click here for the series AO3]

[pentacass]

no comment on the story so far except i wanna take shae out of the writers' hands and kiss her back to her senses

'no comment' she said, then wrote so many comments in the tags that she transferred it into the post itself lmao

they're doing shae dirty like how they did saresh. feels like they need a fall guy, a dramatic betrayal, and she's the pick for this particular story. i could feel it in my bones when she made that commotion at malgus' prison which was already...sort of bending her character a bit? but oh haha mandalore sure has a temper hasn't she?

when the story gets wrapped up in the end, they'd better explain all of this good because so far, quite frankly, it's just nonsense. what reason does shae have to throw everything away, everything she'd built and fought for so far? (other than protecting her people) why does she think malgus can help and why would she turn to him for help when she was spitting mad and railing at him a few updates ago? how would she have learnt about what he knows?

also what in the fuck is this 'outside threat' that drove her to this course of action. does it have any link to what malgus sees of the future? but why free him, since it seems he wants it to come to pass? nothing is explained. nothing is built up properly, except through vague prophecies and threats that are flimsy as hell. it's very frustrating.

add: ok i replayed. so her primary goal is to protect the mandos from being destroyed by everyone else. and her first step towards that is. using malgus to somehow stop heta kol. good luck with that buddy.

i am still reserving (most) judgement because all of this can be made better if the writing shakes out well. and from the look of things, they'd better balance it all properly cos there's a ton of stuff heaped onto this plate right now.

ANYWAY. shae vizla ma'am pls call me i'm free this weekend let's make out and forget about all this

[janiedean]

thoughts on the people who blame Jaime for what happened with tysha and say that he was a kingsguard adult and he allowed tysha to be raped that he was an accomplice ( well we were never told if he knew what was going to happen ) and tywin showed a level of control over his kids ( remember how cersei asked tywin for leave when as Tyrion put it he should be asking her for leave since shes the queen

(answering this and the other two you sent now sorry for the lateness but as said I'm really out of spoons these days)

I think I went in depth on the specific matter on the novels of jaime meta I wrote so I'm gonna be extremely concise for my standards but

people who blame Jaime for what happened with tysha > well we established literacy is dead and if you blame jaime for a thing tywin did then congrats on showing you skipped english class in elementary school

he was a kingsguard adult > ah yeah the guy who got into the kg at 15 and ended up killing his king at 17 and got vietnam war level ptsd in three years plus also joined out of being manipulated into it and whose like maturity development was stuck at 17 at the ripe age of 34 and who should have never gone into the kg anyway and joined when he was a minor and went through all that trauma as a minor is the responsible adult okay then I never heard this until now and I'm glad because it's just brainrot

that he was an accomplice > if he was an accomplice he'd have had to facilitate it and to take part in it which he hadn't, also considering the guy basically lost his hand and got kicked in the stump to prevent a woman that at that point he didn't even like nor care for from getting raped I doubt he'd have done that and like someone coercing you into agreeing with smth like that doesn't make you an accomplice but ig people don't know what words mean anymore

tywin showed a level of control over his kids > tywin was an abusive af piece of shit who abused the hell out of all his children in different ways which were all reprehensible and trauma-inducing and blaming any of them for shit he did (c. included) is not knowing how to read and not having a clue of how that kinda thing works but if you don't grasp it reading the book then you're hopeless but yeah right obviously he has a level of *control* over them, if you want to please your abusive father at all costs or not want to go against him because you're too afraid to do it ofc he has control over you and again tyrion's adwd not-great stint is because he killed shae who didn't deserve it, not because he killed tywin who had it 100% coming and imvho deserved exactly what he got, hope tyrion feels good about it throughout the whole series

tldr: if someone comes at me blathering that jaime is in any way at fault about tysha when he's dissociated it out of his head for 20 years just because he can't handle the fact that he hurt tyrion that much I'm not even hearing the rest because I know it'll be a braindead take, thanks for coming to my ted talk

[rainbowsky]

Happy Pride! 💖🌈🦄

Happy Pride, everyone!

I wanted to celebrate Pride this year by sharing some great up-beat queer anthems - songs from some of the groundbreaking queer artists who have been raising their voices to make the world a better place every day. Let's celebrate diversity together! 😘

Domo Wilson - Bisexual Anthem

Domo Wilson should really be the one to start the Pride festivities this year, with this amazing, amazing, amazing Bisexual Anthem. Songs like this are rare - great message AND good song. This woman is fucking brilliant. (Sexually explicit lyrics).

Brenda Fassie - Vuli Ndlela

Africa's first openly gay pop star Brenda Fassie is an incredible talent. Her voice, her style, everything about the way she sings is utterly captivating, compelling and packed full of emotion - whether it be joy or misery.

I discovered her a while back and had that tragic modern experience of falling in love with an artist and then immediately being pitched into grief as I learned about her difficult life and too early death.

Some of you might be familiar with the Chinese term, 'jaiyou' which literally means 'add oil' or more generally, 'go for it!' Vuli ndlela is a similar term that means 'make way!'

The song is about sticking it to gossipy neighbours on her son's wedding day (because they thought he'd never marry and find lasting love), but over the years it has become a popular anthem of empowerment and encouragement.

Troye Sivan and Gordi - Wait

Who can resist a dreamy, sweet duet with two queer darlings?

Muna - Pink Chiffon (feat. Phoebe Bridgers)

I've shared this song before on my blog but it's such a sweet, catchy, up-beat song it deserves to be shared again.

Beth Ditto - We Could Run

One of the greatest - and most consistently and criminally underrated - voices in music.

Kehlani - Altar

This isn't an artist I've followed in the past, but this particular song is so infectious, I absolutely love it.

Shae Diamond - I Am Her

In her own words:

"My name is Shea Diamond, Singer/Songwriter based in NYC by way of Flint, MI. I was born into a gender role that I did not accept & I didn’t feel like myself. Desperate to find the financial means to transition to my true gender, I committed a crime in 1999 & was sentenced to 10 years in a men's prison. While incarcerated, I found a community that shared my trans experience - it was there where I found my voice. I began writing “I Am Her” as a statement to a world that said I shouldn't exist. I wrote it as an anthem for all those that felt shunned for simply being who they were. In 2009 I was released from prison. Shortly after my release, I moved to New York City where I found a studio to record “I Am Her” and the means to create a video for my song."

Ria Mae - Bend

Canadian pop sensation Ria Mae, yet another criminally underrated artist whose work speaks for itself. Let's give her some love as her home town and province have been suffering intense and dangerous wildfires, and destruction to homes and wildlife habitat.

Janelle Monae - Lipstick Lover

I don't even need to say anything about this song that this stupid-ass 'age restriction' bullshit doesn't already say. 😅

It's worth the trip to YouTube.

Erasure - A Little Respect

I'll close this off with one of the best gay anthems ever written, and one of my all-time favorite songs. Never has it felt more relevant than it does today, with all the hate being thrown at queer people, all the backward redneck laws, all the churchy dicks trying to destroy the lives of people they don't understand. Like the line in the song:

What religion or reason Could drive a man to forsake his lover?

What indeed?

Happy Pride everyone! 💖

YouTube playlist of these songs.

[simpliao]

i know u wrote ‘let you break my heart again’ quite a while ago but it would b so cool if u wrote a part two where schlatt wonders why y/n had stopped attempting to hang out with him and ect and it ends in fluff maybe?

good person at heart ; (irl) schlatt x reader

summary : we do bad things even if at heart we're good people.

info : angst hehe, (kinda) cheating, semi-fluff (not really), smoking, disordered eating, hospital, depressive inner monologue,

a/n : I don't know if I'm gonna post after this but I hope this feeds you guys for the next handful of months ! I know the request was for it to be more fluffy... and sweet. but because of what this is based off of I couldn't do that. Thank you so much for 200+ followers even if I literally have not posted since last year. I love you guys, pro-tip, never fall in love.

"So, next week same time?"

"Yeah, sure. See you then."

Routine, as it's become. Another woman to pass through his life, momentarily fulfil selfish desires, to have nameless faces leave to come again like clockwork. Distantly he could make out her footsteps, and the almost silent opening and shutting of his front door. Letting eyelids fall and leaning back to rest against the bed frame, a heavy sigh left his lips. When did it get this bad? When was the last time he'd felt... Whole.

Since Y/n, likely. Taking in another inhale of heavy smoke, lips clenched between the cigarette twitched at the thought of her. So... Damn sweet. Thinking about her, knowing how she'd react to seeing him like this, a mess, had him practically spit out the smoke. Putting it out carelessly at the ashtray that sat by his side.

So real. Unbelievable how real she felt, unlike any of the other women he's kept around him. Kept for a night, if kept is an appropriate word at all. They were blurs that served as gaps in his memory, hours if them amounted to no more than a handful of fuzzy colours and lights. That woman, no, who once was his woman he couldn't for the life of him forget a second in her arms, of her in his life.

So vividly he could make out hazy mornings of watching her chest rise and fall as her relaxed features radiated in the warm luster from early rays. Almost as serene as the specs of dust that wafted the air only visible by yellow dawn. Time with her was so eventful, so easy to find yourself in the present moment and just feel... In love.

But that was the fear wasn't it? Breaking out of thoughts his eyes fell to his illuminated phone, a notification. Curious, it was Ted. He was in town at the moment, but as far as he was concerned he was out with Shae... Shit, had he forgotten more plans today? This wouldn't be the first time.

'Jeremiah Schlatt call me back as soon as possible.'

That, accompanied with an hour's worth of missed calls, had his back straighten and rush of energy flood his body. Wasting no time dealing back, it couldn't have been more than three rings before the phone was picked up.

"Where the hell are you? I've been calling you for an hour– this is..!" His voice gruff and loud enough to resonate in his ears, consequently contributing to the growing of a dull pain within his frontal lobe. "I'm at home, sorry. Did we have plans today?" There was murmuring following his question, two voices discussing in a much softer, uneasy tone from what he could make out.

"Jesus, you sound out of it. Get some sleep I'll call you back tomorrow morning." There was the overly worrisome Ted he was more accustomed to, his voice returning to the phone with a complete one-eighty of tones. It practically sent him into whiplash, a twinge in his gut telling him something wasn't quite right. "Ted, what the fuck is going on? You don't just call people like that, where are you?" Hesitation highlighted the silence, he could practically hear him gulp as a reassuring female voice was at his side.

"I'm with Shae and..." His voice caught up in his chest, his girlfriend's murmurings being heard from the other end of the line even if unintelligible. "...We're at the hospital on 51st Street." I could feel my heart sink in my chest, "I'm on my way."

"Wait, wait, wait..!" He cleared his throat and halted in his steps, half naked and feeling the chill of the room after throwing himself out of bed. "...neither me or Shae are sick. I, I figured you had the right to know what's going on, but it's a delicate situation. I don't think it's smart for you to just show up out of the blue–" "Ted, what the fuck is going on?"

A breath was drawn, and the following words made it seem like his whole world had fallen apart. "It's Y/n. She just... Collapsed. She hasn't been eating I just... I didn't know who to call she's still stubborn but I don't think–" "I'm on my way." Before any protests could have been made the phone was hung up and the previously languid Schlatt was dashing round the place for his misplaced articles of clothing and his car keys.

The rest was a blur, with a conscious heavy with worry and thoughts centred around only her there were only flashes of memory of driving to the previously mentioned hospital (how he remembered he didn't know in that state); his brain was on autopilot.

And yet someway, somehow, he blinked and before him was the woman he once (and likely still) adored. Her skin paler than her usual tone, sunken and sullen. Her head tilted to the side, gaze pivoted towards the window. Her monotonous heart rate was barely audible, it was like he was underwater. Throat dry, neither said a word, his palms sweaty and pulse feeling as if it could burst his veins open.

"Y/n..." His voice low, knowing he had no place here, not after everything. He stood closer to the door than her, she seemed tense with him being there and he wasn't exactly relaxed either. Just as he spoke those words, he could visibly see her grip at her arms slightly tighter, her body at a slight tremble he recognized she would do before she cried. He hesitated to say anything else if his voice alone had already done so much.

"..what are you doing here..?" Her head slowly spun towards him, fully in view he could see just how worn down and tired she appeared. She was frail, eyes once filled with so much life now dreary with eyelids relaxed and harsh shadows under them; tears brimming and threatening to fall. Chapped lips with every lethargic movement seemed as if they were so heavy, as if she struggled to even open them. "...I heard. You..." Schlatt hesitated on his words, a little lost to find them.

"Save it." Whatever force she had left she used it to spit out those words, "I'm alright..." "Obviously not." He let out softly, carefully making his way over to sit at the chair by the foot of the hospital bed. "I just..." "Why did you come here?" Her voice strained asked with such desperation, confusion evident with tears ever present. He took a breath, "I came because I still care." And that was what it took to cause the surface tension to break and tears fully roll down her cheeks, unable to even manage reaching to wipe them away. "You came to lie to me." She choked out between broken sobs, he held such a gentle, caring look while she fought to not completely break down into ugly crying.

"No, no I didn't–" "cause if you cared I wouldn't be feeling this way." Her words spoke such conviction, eyes once saddened had an edge of power. The wrath and justified venom dripping from her words was enough to have the air catch in Schlatt's chest.

"You're right." He wouldn't deny it, everything that's happened up till now was a result of his own selfishness, never having the slightest thought about her. "I'm not here to make things right between us."

"...then..?"

"Y/n, I'm sorry." His head quickly dipped downwards, a prolonged pause was taken before a sharp inhale could be heard. "I'm not worth destroying yourself over." He didn't dare raise his gaze, knowing he'd be heartbroken at the sight that would lay before him.

"...why wasn't I enough for you..?" Hiccups between cries tearing at his heart, he clenched his teeth and shut his eyes tight. "You were more than I could have ever imagined." "I'm not... I couldn't be... I've seen the women you're around now..."

"And yet you're more beautiful then all of them." "...then why have you been so... cold?"

Cold, and cold was what he meant to be; pushing her away to save himself. Yes, she was too real; just like every other person he kept too close. One by one, they all did what he did to her: disappear.

He wanted so desperately to explain himself. Tell her stories of how other lovers had done a similarly cruel trick, family issues, people that were supposed to be there for him to rely on... But he couldn't. He was as bad as them, he hurt her tooth's extent because he couldn't handle commitment or trust.

She was the victim, no doubt in anyone's mind. Who was he to make this all about himself?

"I'm just not a relationship kind of guy, I... I should of said something, and for that I'm sorry. But please, please don't beat yourself up about this. If what we were is what's causing this."

She deserved to thrive, not to be weighed down by him.

At heart he was a good person, even if his actions didn't show as much. She didn't need to know, and he wasn't ready to get better.

[racefortheironthrone]

Is Arya portraying Sansa or Shae in the Bloody Hand in your opinion?

I think I wrote about this in my essay on the chapter, but I'm pretty sure it's Sansa.

[lola-andheruniverse]

WIP Saturday - Caryl Fanfiction Rec

So..I've changed my saturday theme! My main focus with this project is to shed some light to amazing caryl writers and their work over the years. I intended to recommend only finished stories, but then I thought about all those WIP fics, old and new, that are amazing and love-deserving even if not finished and decided to dedicate our saturdays to them.

To open our #wip saturday tag, I'd like to present you All Living Things by @shimmershae [9Lives].

Summary: Daryl read somewhere once that dogs were like toddlers. 

Rating: T / Teen and Up Audiences Word count: 1979 (1 chapter of ?) Published: September 03, 2018 - WIP

With only one chapter published, right from the start, it's clear how adorable of a story this fic is. Basically, AU Daryl adopts a dog that gives him lots of headaches LOL Important detail: our author wrote this before Daryl ever got Dog on the show and, oh my, she was spot on describing him as a 'pet daddy'. This adoption may or may not be how Daryl get to know Carol (and Sophia)!...For now, we can only imagine how it would happen. Shae did left a note saying it would be a short story, with just a couple of chapters, so maybe one day we will get the rest of it. Anyway, even if its never finished, believe me, this fic deserves to be read. It will give you warm fuzzy feelings and put a smile on your face. And, for me, that's what the caryl fandom is all about. Don't forget to leave a nice review to the author. Feedback equals love and all caryl writers deserve it, doesn't matter if they are currently active in the fandom or not! 💕

[lesbians4armand]

there are not enough silly theories about satin flowers that i like so here’s some (for the love of god do not take them seriously every single one is a crack theory i made up on the spot)

• Satin is Shae. they’re the same person

• Satin is Azor Ahai

• R + L = Satin

• N + A = Satin

• Satin is Edric Dayne in disguse

• Satin is Melisandre’s spy

• Satin is a Sand Snake in disguise / Satin is a Sand Snake in his own right, one of Oberyn’s bastards

• Satin is Littlefinger and Lysa Tully’s son (from when Littlefinger slept with Lysa thinking she was Cat)

• Satin is Jon’s twin brother and their parents are Rhaegar and Lyanna

• Satin is a wildling

• Satin is warging into Ghost along with Jon

• Satin was Robb Stark’s lover who was arrested by the Lannisters

• Satin is Euron Greyjoy’s bastard

• Satin is far older than he claims, not younger (immortal Satin?)

• Satin is a bastard of a Baratheon and a Targaryen

• Satin was Renly’s lover before Loras

• Satin is Tyrion’s bastard and accidental lover

• DaenSatin (Daenerys/Satin). They’re endgame

• Satin is decended from Daemon Targaryen

• Satin will be killed as a sacrifice by Melisandre instead of Shireen

• Jon falsely accuses Satin of the mutiny and kills him.

• Satin is a shapeshifter from Asshai

• Satin is Rhaenys Targaryen (daughter of Elia)

• Satin is Malora Hightower

• Satin is Beric Dondarrion

• The real Satin dies in the fight against the wildlings at Castle Black, ADWD Satin is a fake

• Satin is Arthur Dayne’s son

• Satin is Ashara Dayne’s ‘stillborn’ child.

• Satin is from beyond the Sunset Sea

• ASOIAF is literally the Bible from an alternate universe, and Satin isn’t just Mary Magdalene allegory, he literally is Mary Magdalene. And the Others are Revelations

• Val and Satin are siblings

• Robert + Rhaegar = Satin

• Satin is Tywin’s bastard

• Satin is Olenna Tyrell’s grandson (and sibling/half sibling of Margaery and Loras)

• Satin is the real Arya, so when “Arya” (Jeyne) gets to the Wall, it’s revealed she’s a fake. Arya is Braavos is also a fake.

• Satin is Littlefinger

• Catelyn warged into Satin before she died because she felt bad about Jon

• Satin is Sam’s trueborn brother (but was abandoned in Oldtown very young by Randyll Tarly because he wasn’t ‘worthy of being his heir’)

• Bowen Marsh is abusing Satin and forcing him to work against Jon

• Satin is Syrio Forel’s child who was abandoned when Syrio was murdered

• Satin was the baby born on Dragonstone to Rhaella, Dany was the baby born in the Tower of Joy to Lyanna, but they were switched

• Satin will kill Cersei, making him the younger and more beautiful queen

• Satin was one of the Miller’s boys that Theon supposedly killed

• Bran is warging into Satin to communicate with Jon from beyond the wall

• Satin is Doran Martell’s son (either trueborn or bastard)

• Satin wrote the Pink Letter

thats all for now

[shynmighty]

oh oh oh, 53 holding the other’s jaw forrr Aeseca and Rass? :3

53 from this list it is!

I'm hanging onto @friendly-neighborhood-lich-queen's ask because, let's face it, I'm totally going to write 20 & 28 for Aeseca/Rass (because I, too, am obsessed with them!!) but I gave this one priority since it was requested twice!

Anyway, I wrote this as somewhat of a companion piece/sequel to this one, hope you all enjoy it!!! 😁

53: Holding the Other’s Jaw Pairing: Aeseca Silverblade/Rass Ordo

Nar Shaddaa was a riot of lights and noise. From where Aeseca stood across from the Promenade, a vast array of colored signs cast the rooftop in a fluorescent glow, flickering from purple to blue to yellow and back. She pressed a finger to her temple to stave off the oncoming headache brought on by the constant noise and bright flashes at the corners of her vision.

A standoff with a Hidden Chain informant had ended in a showdown atop that very roof just a few minutes earlier, with backup arriving from Odessen to see the slippery Rodian captured just before he could escape. Aeseca could feel her heartbeat start to return to normal as she wandered to the sidelines. Behind her, Alliance officers led by Theron Shan took the Rodian into custody, escorting him to the shuttle they had arrived in.

The mission was a success. Shae would be pleased. All in all, a good day for the Alliance.

Even so, Aeseca could not suppress the less comfortable, pinching sadness deep in her chest. No more mission meant she and her companion would go their separate ways. Even if they partnered up again, there was no telling when that might happen.

Then came crushing guilt. As a Jedi, this developing attachment was strictly forbidden. She knew that, and yet it had been so effortless to cultivate. Even one-sided as it was, something would have to be done before it became a bigger problem.

Aeseca glanced at him as the shuttle’s ramp ascended. He had taken off his helmet and slung it casually under one arm. To her surprise, he was already looking at her, the corner of his mouth slightly upturned as he approached.

“Don’t say it, Rass,” She told him.

“Don't say what?” The Mandalorian replied with barely feigned innocence.

“Whatever joke about shuttles you’ve been preparing,” the Jedi cast a level gaze at him from the corner of her eye. “Specifically, crashing them.”

Rass chuckled. “You know me too well.”

Behind them, the shuttle became airborne. Other ships that saw the Alliance insignia emblazoned on the hull gave it a wide berth as it soared into the clouds overhead, leaving Aeseca and Rass alone on the rooftop. Despite the echoed cacophony of the city around them, the area seemed somehow quieter than before.

“What’s on your mind?” Rass asked.

Aeseca frowned, cycling through all the possible responses before deciding to deflect. “What do you mean?”

“Just the way you’re frowning at me,” The slight, infuriating smile remained on his face. “You’re not the only one who’s picked up a thing or two.”

Her gaze dropped to the ground, but somehow even his feet were too difficult to look at. Turning away from him, she leaned on the rooftop ledge. The city, foul and dazzling as it was, seemed easier to take in.

“I’ve just been thinking,” she said, stopping short of admitting that it was him she had been thinking about. “I guess I haven’t really been feeling like myself lately.”

“Want to talk about it?” Rass was leaning on the ledge beside her, and she could feel his soft brown eyes searching her. She deliberately remained facing the city. “Can’t say I can solve big, important Jedi problems but I can listen.”

Aeseca sighed. “It’s not a big, important problem. I just feel…” she stopped herself from saying anything about him directly. “I feel disconnected. From myself. I worked so hard to get where I am, I was so single-minded in my goal – to be a good Jedi. But I have doubts, and they’re making me question everything I’ve achieved.”

“You are a good Jedi, I’ve seen that firsthand,” Rass said. “Whatever your doubts, they can’t erase everything you’ve done.”

“I wish I had your certainty,” Aeseca remained stubbornly facing away. She knew speaking in half-truths would only lead to his partial understanding.

This was accompanied by a somewhat terrifying thought: that if she looked at him now, she might just tell him everything. That she was falling hopelessly in love with him, how part of her wanted to cast the Jedi code aside completely for him, that she would realign the galaxy if he asked her to, and that these illicit feelings became more overwhelming by the day.

“Aeseca,” His voice was accompanied by a soft touch, his gloved fingers gently pressing against her jaw as he turned her head to face him with one hand. A short eternity passed in the space of her meeting his gaze. The glow of the city shone in his eyes making them look even brighter. If he had not been holding her jaw, she might have had trouble staying upright. “I’m not just handing out empty platitudes, okay? You’re remarkable. You… amaze me.”

For a brief moment, Aeseca knew what it felt like to fly over the city. Her heart was unleashed from her very chest and was doing a barrel roll somewhere in the clouds overhead. The rest of her was frozen in place, wide-eyed with disbelief and delight. At the same time, he was looking down at her with sincerity in his eyes she had never seen before. He thought she was remarkable. She amazed him. Perhaps there really was a chance he felt the same…

There is no passion, there is serenity. The thought brought her back to the rooftop. Once again, she was a Jedi, and he was a Mandalorian, and she reminded herself that this was all wrong. In her enjoyment of that moment, she had already gone too far.

“I need to go,” the words escaped her weakly, in a whisper. She took a reluctant step back, ignoring the feeling of Nar Shaddaa crumbling around her as his hand slipped away.

“Go where?” He asked as she retreated.

“To Tython,” she called over her shoulder. Her fists clenched at her sides as she battled the tears pricking the corners of her eyes.

She would go to Tython… and try to forget.

[horizon-verizon]

What do you think about tyrion?

This ask has been sitting in my inbox for MONTHS!

*Post is Edited*

As a character from the book, not the show? Beyond interesting, as he feels grimy and decadent while also desperate for power/gaining an advantage over others. Liked his sarcasm when it's not trained on less fortunate, lower classes people or women/misogynist. Endlessly entertaining, his pain is compelling when he's vulnerable, and his darkest moments are repulsive. Enhanced and inspired by that pain and need for love or respect, by his pain.

As a person, he and I wouldn't be friends nor would I like or trust him ten feet away from me. I more semi-pity him than admire him.

There is a post/set of reblogs starting with black swallowtail butterfly expressing their hatred for how GRRM wrote out Tysha and her rape, using it mostly to highlight Tyrion and Tyrion himself not really valuing Tysha enough to really ever work at knowing her or looking for her years after she was gang-raped and sent off who knows where. Regarding how Tysha haunts him, I think that he uses sex and power imbalances (layered over that) to self-affirm. Sex and the ways they handled their sexual partners and why it opens both characters' secrets to their own detriment. They both think that they have much more control over those partners than they did or overestimate their own vulnerabilities and weaknesses or inattention to their partners' changing emotions and feelings regarding them, or what elements their partners are exposed to that would turn against them. Like Cersei, who loved/was obsessed with Rhaegar and being his wife, Tyrion is envious and in awe of the Targaryens and their primacy, their freedom of practice, etc. Again, because he has always felt stunted of freedom and love since childhood. Sex and emotion, the intimacy and exchange made within that dynamic, is as much a motivation or weakness for Tyrion as it is for Cersei. While Cersei uses sex and men's desire for her to gain their supposed loyalties and resources--sometimes giving up her sexual agency for her children--and (with Taena) perform "masculine" power, Tyrion uses sex to act at being vulnerable & deny his monstrousness without it turning into dangerous vulnerability.

While Tyrion is far more capable of critical thinking and willing to use it (than Cersei), I think that, much like Cersei, Tyrion depends on his class to offset the societal and family aspersion/indifference against him, wants his family's respect and affection, and with each flout of his importance based on his dwarfism from those he finds attractive (and not just because they are attractive physically but the allure of the access to power [Sansa] elsewhere or to his ego alone [Shae]). Like Cersei thinking that she has Tywin's intelligence as well as his ruthlessness, Tyrion thinks that he has more emotional control than he actually has. Control and mastery over his emotions could help him see the outcomes of some strategies or some people's behaviors to anticipate before making a move.

Both he and Cersei aren't that self-aware and use the external perceptions of them and the need to control them to make excuses for themselves often. This also leads them to not understand themselves in relation to others outside of Tywin and Jaime/the Lannisters-as-made/supported-by-Tywin.

Meanwhile, he has Bronn kill Symon Silver Tongue (a blackmailing singer) and had little reaction to news of his corpse put into a "bowl of brown", which implies forced cannibalism on unsuspecting consumers. Which is very evil, and unnecessary, tactically but speaks to his need to have control over the "smallest" of things that affect the human body itself. (Perhaps the transformation from man to food itself satisfies Tyrion's need to transform himself and change out of the undesirable body he was born with.)

He believed that he surpassed Tywin's cunning and competence, but Tyrion--before killing Tywin -- was still stuck in the Lannister knot of trying to please and gain the love/respect of their father who defined and compressed their sense of worthiness to his own expectations and directions. And he's actually very much like Tywin and Cersei in his disinterest in anything but image or power, over the smallfolk's long-term needs for those themselves. Like most aristocrats. The problem is, again, he thinks he's better than Cersei as a person, that he is inherently better because he is smarter. It partially feeds into and leads to his peculiar blindness to the most obvious things about what makes people outside of his family truly tick, making him think he can go without considering that.

Femicide and intimate partner violence: Shae. An indication of his losing himself in that Lannister-loveless-knot, and we're left off not knowing whether Tyrion could come back from that (as the text encourages us to feel). Personally, once he killed Shae, I thought him irredeemable.

Killing Twyin? Don't care about that, even with kinslaying considered more heinous than killing a woman/a sex worker/a mistress in Westeros. Tywin was one of Tyrion's demons and though patricide is particularly...hard to get through without looking at the actor without some sort of side-eye, I think when one continuously harms their child they open up a slew of consequences they've made for themselves, and they are the ones to scrape and whittle down that bond in the first place.

No, killing your dad isn't "right"...neither is it to force a 13 year old child watch as a group of men rape someone they cared for and force her away from them, make that child feel like they are a blight but then steal the glory of their adulthood accomplishments...etc.

Going back to Shae, even with her betraying him:

(I forget, so anyone could correct me on this) We don't know what pushed Shae to betray Tyrion, but their relationship has never been truly close nor brought into a certain understanding of two people who thought themselves equals, whatever that could have become in a relationship like theirs. From the get-go, Shae seemed more into Tyrion for the protection, money, and being close to the court for exploration and a bit of excitement. Yet Tyrion kinda fools himself into thinking there was a love/intimacy that bonded them while treating her as a more sexual companion who makes him feel good than a true partner. What's interesting about Tyrion is that In that sense, Shae treated him as the "the deal" between them always was -- a means to an end.

*EDIT* Shae had been bouncing from one place Tyrion hid/lead her in KL to another to keep her from Cersei's hands. At one point, she was going to land in them or be killed, yet Tyrion refused to let her go. So it's likely she went to Tywin to really get away from danger, as Cersei wouldn't seek to mess with the very man she is always been both scared of and desperate to "please". *END OF EDIT

(if one argued she was forced) Especially when she's up against someone like Tywin Lannister, who could have had her out and degraded like Tysha (which Tyrion is aware of, so ironically he's keeping her in the same space as the man who destroyed his first love as well as his own sister, and "protecting" her poorly). While past the Westerosi age of majority AND at the age of consent for U.S. society, Shae is also much younger than Tyrion, and even younger than Tywin. With either man, Shae didn't seem to stand much of a chance, and Tyrion took her betrayal as JUST a personal affront, which while I get to a certain extent, I see is also solipsistic.

his killing her was not about justice, but the precursor to the revenge that he plans against every single person who did him wrong (and with how he handled Symon, there's reason to believe that he wouldn't discriminate about who he hurts or kills to get this end...similar to Lady Stoneheart, except scarier to me since Tyrion is trying to utterly destroy even Jaime, who though acted badly by keeping the Tysha 's feelings for Tyrion secret and thus is partially responsible for Tyrion's misery, was also the only one to ever look out for him or try...that shows a particular hypocritical blind anger at the entire world that spells disaster)

*EDIT #1* Going a little back to the element of us not knowing if he will "come back" from him killing his father/Shae, the answer for me is no and unlikely. Because him killing his father slices through the Lannister "knot": the biggest motivation for why Tyrion has always done what he's done, fatherly love, familial regard and respect, power through that acknowledgment, acknowledgment from society THROUGH becoming something like this father which had brought them the prosperity and prestige the Lannisters enjoyed...seeing as the Lannisters became the way they became thru Tywin's actions and connections. Tywin himself, they all learned, only gave them some sort of attention or regard when he felt they would be useful for politics and their house's further aggrandizement. Which is itself only possible through wealth, a great (by skill or fuel or size) army, connections, self-supply through agricultural resources, etc. You know, the feudal way.

Despite his thinking, Tyrion technically doesn't emotionally need his family, while he very much desires their love, because it was never given in the first place. That lack of love, or at least respect, kept him an outsider, which does give him a separate perspective that made him capable of killing his father in the first place.

*END OF EDIT #1*

Despite him thinking he's handling Shae and her feelings well, he's not and actually is led by his need for her to love him, or to continue to act as if she does and bring him some assurance of companionship.

His last act in KL with his family: hurting Jaime by telling him that Cersei fucked many others, lying about killing Joffrey, and silently vowing to revenge himself against even Jaime along with Cersei. Kinslaying is an extreme taboo in Westeros and he'd be person non grata, vulnerable to anyone wishing him harm (another reason why he skips off to Essos). And he doesn't even have access to the Lannister reputation, protection, or wealth. He's on his own, he's burnt every bridge.

Tyrion is a case of the abused turned/turning into a monster. He is also the repackaged/"subverted" "Fool" (not Tarot) and Trickster capable of the greatest evils, selfish, capable of bringing about good (but for selfish or inadvertent ways/reasons), but far from that. He's eternally out of line, he's eternally hungry for "more", he enjoys himself and hates himself simultaneously, he's both blind and observant. Tyrion's a fucked up paradox.

As for show Tyrion, at surface level, a lot more genial and easier to root for. His wit and insecurity combined, plus the whitewashing, makes him a far more charming character than he is in the books, and again, I DO think book!him is charming in a very paradoxical bestial-blasé way.

But he still kills Shae in the show, so show!Tyrion still is not one of my favorites in terms of personhood. That will never be something he can be redeemed for in my eyes. The show allows him that grace where there is none, another point of detrimental whitewashing, especially in his assessment of Dany's supposed evil being seen as actually evil to the audience of seasons 7-8. And the show subsequently makes as if Shae deserved her death, that Tyrion had the right to kill her, that she owed herself to him and his subsequent "claim" over her, etc....because he fooled himself into thinking this was ever a real relationship/a relationship where he had all of the advantages and that his Tywin/Cersei wouldn't cross lines against him.

*EDIT #2* (8/27/23)

And to him, relationships are made up exactly of cold exchanges bc no one ever wanted him for him and they saw that his dwarfism was excuse enough to not try to love him or to drive in how unloveable he was. Because he has learned that he was a disgusting creature and love will likely always be out of his reach/denied to him, he is both pushed towards & seeks out what appear to be low-risk relationships. Aside from the fact that commonborn women are more within his reach than noble women as they are kept away from being virgins--ideally--on their wedding night and thus are very restricted i their overall interactions with any man/boy who aren't their fathers or brothers AND who like Sansa have probably dreamed of a handsome lord or a knight to be their husband, common-born women--esp. sex workers--do not require/cannot ask more of him than money or some protection. Because they do not invest in him emotionally or are unlikely to BUT also seek him out for protection and a living AND can never seemingly hurt him bc they lack the standing & genitals (aristocratic male privilege or just being of a house that could trouble the Lannnisters), he can theoretically slake his thirst for intimacy while maintaining his lover's ability to actually control him. Because he is their cash cow. However, his need for more love, real love, and a love for self eventually pushes him into looking to this person he designated as his new partner. She was his only means of intimacy, he could not feel like he'd get it anywhere else, so he convinced himself (despite his trie not to) that she eventually fell for him.

END of EDIT #2

In terms of character (adding to what's already said), he also made less sense bc of that whitewashing. Tamer and less angry than he should have been, a seemingly better person even though he was supposed to feel righteously dark retribution for Jaime, Tywin, Cersei, and all of King's Landing. Anyone he felt had wronged. Him. This emotion drives him to kill Shae, which gives that motivation seemingly more justice bc we barely get to see Shae's vulnerability & Tyriaomn's actual neglect of her as we should have seen in the books, too, so his progression after that made no sense to me.

ADDITIONALLY

A post by blankwhiteshield HERE really shows us the Lannister siblings and their relationship with love. This is what they conclude about Tyrion:

To Tyrion, love is unachievable, a right that he is not granted. The unlovable son that is viewed as broken from birth.

[istumpysk]

Hi, I just remembered something about the show that pissed me off :

S1 - D&D wrote Shae telling Tyrion that no woman would take a man into her bed after escaping a r*pe attempt

S5 - D&D wrote Gilly deciding to have sex with Sam right after she almost got r*ped

They forgot what they wrote ????

Yikes. Let me join you in feeling angry.

What can we even say at this point? They didn't excel at consistency.