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sequinsmile-x · 3 years ago

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Guardian

A mini fic, that is largely fluffy. Because lord knows we all need it.

Words: 2.5k (not as mini as I first intended)

Warnings: Minor mention of injury, some curse words because of Emily’s potty mouth

Emily hated paperwork. It was, without a doubt, the most boring part of her job. She would usually spend days like this teasing Aaron, sending him texts throughout the day and watching him through the blinds of his office as he pretended not to react, letting the tension build until they got home.

“Where is our fearless leader?” Penelope asks as she stands by Emily’s desk, a file in hand.

“He’s at a parent teacher conference.” Emily answers, smiling at her friend. “Jack was thrilled that he was in town for it.”

“You didn’t go?” Penelope asks, curiosity on her face. Their relationship was something that fascinated the rest of the team, Emily knew that. They always tried to tease details out of her, acting as if her and Aaron weren’t two intensely private people. It had only got worse since they had moved in together, a house they had bought for them both to have a fresh start in.

“We thought it would be pushing it if both of us took the afternoon out.” Emily answers, almost feeling relief when her cell phone rings. “Agent Prentiss.”

“I’m calling to speak to Emily Prentiss?”

“Speaking.”

“My name is Natalie, I’m a nurse at Saint Sebastian Hospital, you’re listed as the next of kin for Aaron Hotchner?”

Emily felt like the air had been knocked out of her. “He’s my boyfriend. Is he ok?”

“He was involved in a car accident this afternoon, he’s been brought in.”

“Oh my god.” Emily exclaims, feeling the eyes of the rest of the team on her. “His son, Jack Hotchner, would have been with him. Is he ok?”

“I’m really sorry ma’am, I’m not at liberty to discuss any other patients.”

Emily bites back a retort, a demand to know about Jack, but she knows she won’t get anywhere over the phone. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.” She hangs up the phone, tries to ignore the way her hands shake

“Everything ok there, princess?” Derek asks, as Penelope places a hand on her shoulder.

“Aaron’s been in an accident, Jack must have been with him but they wouldn’t tell me anything.” She stands, knocking Penelope’s hand off of her. “I need to go to the hospital, I need to see him.”

“I’ll drive you.” Derek says, standing himself.

“Derek, I’m fine.”

“Em, I am not letting you drive there. Ok? Hotch would never forgive me.”

Emily looks at him and nods, letting him guide her out of the bullpen.

________________

She approaches the nurses station, her body practically vibrating with different worse case scenarios over what could have happened to Aaron and Jack.

“Hi, I got a call about Aaron Hotchner.” She tries to keep her voice even and knows she has failed when Derek throws her a concerned look.

The nurse smiles reassuringly at her whilst looking at something on her computer. “He has just been sent back for some scans, but he’s doing ok. He was even arguing with my colleagues about how much he didn’t need to be here. He should be out in about 10 minutes.”

Emily breaths out a sigh of relief at that and feels Derek pat her back.

“See, Emily. Hotch is fine. Everything will be ok.”

“What about his son, Jack? He would have been in the car with him.” Emily says, her eyes searching the waiting room for the young boy.

“Are you his mother?”

Emily falters. “No. I’m not. I’m his dad’s girlfriend. I live with them.”

The nurse smiles at her again, but this time it seems forced. “I’m really sorry Ms…”

“Prentiss.” She says through slightly clenched teeth. “Agent Prentiss.”

“Agent Prentiss.” The nurse corrects herself, a slightly nervous look on her face. “I can only let a parent or guardian see him. If you aren’t his mom I’m going to have to ask you to-”

“His mom is dead.” Emily says, harsher than she intended to. She blows out a breath before she continues, attempting to calm herself down a little. “His aunt, Jessica Brooks, is out of town.” Emily says, desperately trying to keep her cool. She reaches into her bag, pulls out her wallet and slams her driving license on the table between her and the nurse, pointing out her place of residence. “I live in the same house as him. I poured him a bowl of cheerios this morning.”

“Agent Prentiss.” The nurse says, her voice remaining so patient Emily wanted to vault over the table between them and hit her. “Be that as it may, you are not his legal guardian, so I cannot let you back there to see him until his father is here.”

Emily has another idea, and reaches for the FBI credentials she has on her belt, but Derek stops her. His hand grabs her arm before she can threaten someone in a way that her boyfriend would have to reprimand her for as her boss later.

“Princess, come on.” Derek says as he gently pulls her towards the waiting area. “Let’s just sit down and chill out.”

Emily sits in one of the plastic chairs and puts her head in her hands, her elbows resting on her knees. Derek puts his hand on her back, rubs comforting circles between her shoulder blades. Time moves like syrup, and the fear of not seeing either Jack or Aaron burns through her. She eventually checks the time on her watch and blows out a breath.

“This is fucking bullshit.” She seethes. “Jack will be back there by himself. God knows where Aaron is.” She says, her voice wavering at the mention of her boyfriend. “They said he’d only be 10 minutes at least half an hour ago.”

“Jack will be fine.” Derek tries to comfort. “He’s a good kid.”

“He is 8, Derek.” She bites at her thumb, worrying the cuticle between her teeth. “This is ridiculous. I live with him. I make him breakfast every morning.”

“Pouring cereal into a bowl hardly counts as making breakfast, Em.” He says, trying to lighten her mood. She sharply turns her head to look at him, a warning look on her face that has him holding his hands up in surrender. “Ok I get it, no jokes.”

She lowers her gaze back to her lap. “Do you know it’s me that Jack wants if he’s sick, or hurt?” She asks, and briefly looks at him to see him shake his head.”

“Em?”

She looks up to see Aaron walking towards them. If Emily had been at 100%, if the fear coursing through her veins hadn’t been so sharp, she would have noticed the stiffness in his walk, how much pain he was clearly in. The relief that flooded through her was so fast she almost felt dizzy.

“Aaron.” Emily was up and in his arms before she knew what was happening, hitting his body with a force that made him grunt, knocking the air out of him as she wraps her arms around him tightly. She pulls back. “Oh god, I’m sorry.”

“Em, it’s fine. My ribs are sore, that's all.” He puts a hand on her lower back and stops her from pulling away any further, her eyebrow raised in disbelief. His voice is strained, discomfort laced through it. She lifts her hand to trace her fingers over a bandaged cut on his forehead just above his eyebrow. “My head hit the steering wheel.” He grabs her hand from his face and presses a kiss to her fingers, a promise that they will talk about it later, once they are home. “Where’s Jack?”

Emily scoffs, a look shot back at the nurse who was still at the nurses station. “They wouldn’t let me see him.” She clears her throat as she looks back at her boyfriend. “I’m not his guardian.”

Another moment of silent discussion passes between them, something else they can talk about later when they are alone. When they are safe at home and their every move wasn’t being watched by Derek, curiosity on his face at how they were around each other that they both hadn’t missed.

“He was ok when we came in.” He assures her, seeing how concerned she looked. “They were going to look at his arm, it looked broken.”

Emily nods, some of the concern seeping away. Aaron links his fingers through hers and gives Derek a nod as they walk past him, a silent thank you for looking after Emily when he couldn’t. Aaron approaches the nurses station and clears his throat, getting the attention of the same nurse who Emily had spoken to earlier.

“I’d like to see my son, Jack Hotchner.”

They are quickly taken to Jack who looks just as relieved to see them as they do to see him, and they sit with him as he gets an arm cast put on. Aaron sits in a chair, failing to cover the wince that escapes him as he lowers himself into it. Emily sits next to Jack on the bed, wrapping an arm around him and pressing a kiss to the top of his head as he tries to be brave, pretending he hadn’t been crying whilst waiting for them to come get him.

Jack burrows into Emily’s side as the doctors gently wrap his arm, and she can’t help herself when she throws the same nurse who refused her access to Jack a look when she walks by the bay they are in.

________________

Emily convinces Aaron to go grab a shower as she tucks Jack in for the night, his arm in it’s bright green cast resting on a pillow. It doesn’t take him long to fall asleep, the stress of the day taking all of the endless energy he usually had. Emily sneaks out of the room, gently pulling the door closed behind her as she goes.

She sighs as she walks the short distance to the master bedroom, the shower still running in the ensuite. Emily sits on the end of the bed and puts her head in her hands, tries to force back the emotion that was threatening to overwhelm her, the knowledge of what she could have lost today settling over her now they were home. Emily hears the shower switch off and she blows out a breath, trying to centre herself.

Emily can’t stop the gasp that escapes when he walks out, just with a pair of sweatpants on, and she sees the extent of the damage for the first time. The bruise across his chest caused by the seat belt looked painful, his ribs almost black, clearly fractured.

“Aaron.” She says softly, her hand reaching out but stopping just shy of actually touching him.

“It’s ok, Em.” He grabs the hand she's got hovering near him and intertwines their fingers, squeezes her hand in a way she’s sure is meant to be reassuring.

“Ok?” She asks, scoffing at him. “You clearly have broken ribs, Aaron.” She shakes her head at him, interrupts him when he tries to placate her again. “Nothing about today was ok.”

Aaron cups her face in both hands, wiping away a tear that she wasn’t aware had fallen until his thumb stroked her cheek.

“Emily, Jack and I are both fine.” He leans forward and kisses her forehead, and she brings her hands to his wrists, stroking the delicate skin there. “We’re a little banged up, but nothing that won’t get better.”

She nods against him. “I...I know I’m not his mother.” She pulls away to smile at him, and she bites her lip in an attempt to stop it from shaking. “But not being able to see Jack today really sucked. I live with him, I love him, Aaron. I should be able to see him when he’s hurt.”

“Em-”

“If you’d been hurt worse, or killed.” Emily feels more tears fall at that, shakes her head at herself. “I wouldn’t have been able to go to him.”

“Emily.” He strokes her cheek again, a smile on his face that always calmed her. “I agree with you.”

She furrows her brow, having clearly expected more of a pushback. “What?”

“We should make you his legal guardian. We probably should have done it when we got the house.”

“Really?” I don’t want you to think I’m trying to take Haley’s place.”

“Sweetheart, you have never done that. You love my son, and he loves you. It makes me love you more. We’ll get it sorted.”

“I love you.” She says, leaning forward to kiss him, keeping it brief and laughing when she pulls away from him when he tries to kiss her again. “Don’t get any ideas, Agent Hotchner. Those ribs of yours have put you out of action for quite some time.” She laughs at him as she pulls herself out of his embrace. “I’m going to get changed for bed.”

Emily grabs some pyjamas and busies herself in the ensuite, ignoring his shirt in the hamper that had his blood on it. She goes about her evening routine, takes off her makeup and brushes her teeth, piling her hair on top of her head in a messy bun. She sighs as she looks at herself in the mirror, taking in just how tired she looked. All she wanted to do was get in bed with her boyfriend, make sure he took a painkiller he’d probably attempt to say he didn’t need, and fall asleep.

When she walks in and finds him sitting on the edge of his side of the bed, still only in his sweatpants, with a small velvet box in his hands it stops her in her tracks.

“Aaron.”

“I had a whole plan.” He says, looking up at her. He stays sat on the bed, and she knows it’s partially because he’d be in too much pain to stand up. “It seems silly now.”

“It’s not silly.” Emily says, her throat feeling like it was constricting, the emotion rising in her chest. She stands in front of him, catches the hand not holding the ring box in hers. She links their fingers.

“I’d get down on one knee but I don’t think I’d ever get back up.” Aaron jokes, and it makes her choke out a laugh that becomes a sob on its way out.

“That’s ok.” Emily sits next to him on the bed.

He opens the box and she gasps when she sees the ring. Simple, platinum band with a good sized single diamond. Exactly what she would have picked herself.

“Emily, marry me.”

She laughs. “I think it’s meant to be a question, honey.”

Aaron smiles at her, his dimples out on display. “Will you marry me?”

“Of course I will.” She replies, cupping his cheek in her hand. “Yes.”

He kisses her, and she responds, pushing herself closer to him, her hand travelling to the back of his head. They both get lost in it for a moment until he groans in pain, making her pull back from him.

“I didn’t think this all the way through.” He says, smiling at her as he pulls the ring out of the box and slips it onto her finger. “My plans involved celebrating with a lot of sex.”

Emily laughs and rests her forehead against his. “All in good time my love.”

#hotchniss #hotchniss fanfic #hotchniss mini fic #aaron hotchner #emily prentiss #aaron hotchner x emily prentiss #fluff #minor aaron hotchner whump #its just fluff guys #lots of fluff #CM fan fic #Criminal Minds fluff

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scullysexual · 5 years ago

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Mommy Make It Better.

Told you I wasn’t ready to part from abif. It’s not necessary for you to have read the main fic. It’s a sick fic :)

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

It’s still dark out when she wakes up. A nudge against her bare arm, a chorus of Mommy, Mommy, Mommy exiting the mouth of a four year old.

Groggy eyed and weary, Scully is greeted by the worrisome look across her daughter’s face.

“Mommy, I pooped myself.”

Scully groans, her head falling back onto the pillow in exasperation.

“Emily, we taught you how to go to the toilet—”

But Emily is furiously shaking her head, tears threatening to fall from her eyes.

“I didn’t mean to,” Emily’s almost crying. “My tummy hurts.”

It dawns on Scully what’s woken Emily up and she instantly regrets being mad. She sighs, knowing this can’t be ignored.

“I didn’t know what to do so I came here,” Emily explains. She chews her lip. “Are you mad?”

Scully sits up, wondering where she even begins.

“No, I’m not mad, baby.”

She turns to Mulder who continues pleasantly sleeping beside. A tap and he’s waking up.

“Mulder, I need you to run Emily a bath. She’s not well.”

Mulder mutters something in response.

“I think I got some on my bed, too,” Emily tells her as Scully grabs Mulder’s discarded t-shirt and puts it on.

“Okay,” she says, half expecting that to be the case. “You stay with Daddy Em, I’ll be back in a moment.”

She turns on the main light when she reaches Emily’s room, clocking the mess in the middle of the bed, and goes to the windows first to open them.

It was the first time everyone was dealing with this type of illness from Emily. The most they had the deal with was a cold.

She’s halfway through stripping the bed when Mulder calls from the bathroom.

“Scully, what do I do with Emi’s pyjamas?”

“Don’t put them in the hamper!” she calls back.

Carefully grabbing the bedclothes, Scully makes her way back into the hallway, pulling out a spare basket and throwing the bedding into that.

“Put them in there,” she says, holding the basket out to Mulder.

Her next objective is the medicine cabinet.

“Do you feel like you want to throw up, Emily?” she asks.

Emily nods and for good measure, Mulder pulls the jug towards her, telling her Just in case.

Scully searches the cabinet, not finding what she’s looking for.

“What are you looking for?” Mulder asks.

“Thermometer.”

Coming up with nothing, Scully abandons the cabinet and moves back towards Emily instead. She places her palm against the child’s forehead, feeling the heat and sweat seeping through.

“What’s wrong with her?” Mulder asks.

“She’s probably got a stomach bug.”

Emily’s eyes widen in fear. “Is that bad?”

Scully shakes her head, “No, it just means you’re not gonna feel good for a few days.”

Emily nods, yawning.

“Are you going to wash my hair?” Emi asks.

“No, this is just to clean you up.”

Scully heads back to Emily’s bedroom to remake the bed again. She’s tucking the corners in when Mulder enters holding Emily now dressed in clean pyjamas clutching her jug.

She takes the toddler from him, asking.

“Did you put the diaper on her?”

“I don’t need diapers anymore,” Emily protests as Mulder nods.

“I know baby, but it’s just in case.” Potty trained or not, Scully doesn’t want to give Emily another bath or change her bedding again tonight.

The window is closed, the fan and night light turned on. Scully places Emily down onto the bed, tucking her in. Mulder offers to the find the thermometer she was looking for and Scully asks him to bring some water up as well.

“I want Quacky,” Emily says.

Scully produces Quacky, tucking the duck in next to her.

Once everyone is settled, Scully sits down on the rug, running her hands through Emily’s hair.

“How’s your tummy, baby?”

“It still hurts,” Emily tells her.

“You want medicine or do you think you’ll be okay?”

Emily thinks for a second then shrugs. Scully shouts down for Mulder to bring some up anyway.

Mulder returns with the items and hands them to Scully.

“I’m gonna stay with her,” Scully tells him. “I’ll need to wake her up to take her temperature and that’s gonna be easier if I’m in the same room.”

Mulder nods. “Well, wake me up if you get tired.”

“I’m not gonna get tired,” she’s quick to respond.

He gives her a look.

“Scully, we’re in this together, you don’t have to do this all by yourself.”

It’s not about that.

Scully sighs. “Look, she’s gonna sleep all day tomorrow and I can sleep with her.” She smiles a little. “One of us needs to be able to function tomorrow.”

He looks down to Emily who’s eyes have shut though her breathing has yet to even out.

“Are you sure?” he asks.

“Yes, I’ll be fine.”

He seems to give in, saying goodnight to Emily and telling her to feel better soon. “Wake me up if you need me,” he says, walking out the door.

“I won’t,” Scully says, kicking him out and closing the door.

She’s turning off the light when Emily speaks.

“Do I have to go to pre-school tomorrow?”

Scully grabs the thermometer and sits down on the rug again.

“No, we’re both having a day off tomorrow. Open up.”

Emily does just that and Scully places the thermometer in her mouth.

When it beeps, she takes it out. The number is what is expected: 101F. The puts the thermometer on the side and grabs the bottle of water.

“I had a dream about Elmo and Cookie Monster. It was scary.”

Scully hands the bottle to Emily.

“Is that what woke you up?”

She nods.

When she’s drank enough water Scully takes it off her.

“Are you gonna sleep here, Mommy?”

Scully smiles, nodding, taking Emily’s hand in her own.

“Yeah, I’m gonna be here,” she says, playing with Emily’s fingers. “You should sleep baby, I need to wake you up soon.”

With the jug not too far out of reach, Quacky next to her, and Scully still holding onto her hand, Emily’s eyes shut and soon her breathing evens out.

Scully stays with her through the night, the onset of tiredness creeping in when the sun rises behind the blinds. Every forty minutes is spent waking Emily up and checking her temperature, another five is spent Emily throwing up.

She falls asleep sometime after the second check, her legs curled up beneath her on the rug, the rest of her body slouched against Emily’s bed, Emily’s fingers tangled in her hair and holding onto one of the strands.

Mulder pries Emi’s hand away, the action waking Scully up.

She’s sore. Her body screaming at the unnatural position she fell asleep in.

“Hi,” she says when she sees Mulder.

He’s placing the jug back down, clean.

“Hi, you should’ve woke me up.”

She stretches and stands, every muscle crying out.

“I’m fine.”

They leave a sleeping Emily where she is head downstairs.

The coffee has brewed when they get down there and Mulder passes a cup to her.

“Thank you,” she says taking a sip and letting the caffein do its work.

“How is she?”

“Um…she threw up twice, went to the bathroom once.” She takes another sip of her drink. “Hoping it only lasts two days at the most.”

Mulder finishes putting his bagels in the toaster and leans against the counter.

“I can stay off if you need me, too,” he begins but Scully’s immediately shaking her head.

“We’ll be fine. She can sleep in our bed today.”

The bagels pop up, Mulder smiles. “Okay.”

Scully takes another sip, she’s sleeping in their bed today, too.

They fall silent, only the sound of a butter-knife scraping across bagels in the room. Until-

“Mommy, where have you gone?” Emily shouts from what sounds like the top of the stairs.

Scully places her coffee down and moves towards the kitchen doorway.

“I’m just downstairs, Emi. I’ll be back up in a minute!”

Mulder chuckles. “Sounds like you’re wanted.”

Scully hums in agreement, preparing herself for more sick and shit and that greets her today.

She takes one final sip of her coffee before Emily’s asking her where she is again.

“I’ll call you later,” Mulder says as Scully makes her way back upstairs. “Tell Emily I love her.”

When she enters the room, Emily is sat up and pouting.

“You left me,” she says, sounding unhappy.

“I know,” Scully responds, bending down to pick Emily up. The child grabs hold of Quacky and her jug. “I was just downstairs but I’m back now.” Scully takes the thermometer off the shelf.

“Where are we going?” Emily asks, her nose snuggles against Scully’s shoulder.

“My room.” She puts Emily down on Mulder’s side of the bed and climbs into her own side. “Mommy needs sleep, too.”

Mulder calls twice that day but Scully misses the first call, having spent the morning sleeping. She catches the second call, the one where Mulder tells her he’s picking up takeout and if he should get Emily something. Scully says against it and tries Emily with a bit toast later in the day, managing to eat half before she says no more.

The third day Emily is as right as rain. She’s stopped throwing up, her energy has returned, and only has to make a visit to the toilet every so often.

Yet it turns out to be Scully’s turn to be ill.

#txf #abif series #yes im turning it into a series so send me prompts #do i already have a fic named this #cause this all feels familiar #idk #emily au #i write

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trashyswitch · 5 years ago

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Skywalker! Vs. Kenobi! (But Mocked by Afton and Emily)

Henry and William's wives are rewarded a couple nights of drinks and fun, while the Fathers look after the kids. They're all playing around in the living room, when William and Henry are given light saber toys and are requested the most hilarious idea ever:

Reenact the iconic Duel on Mustafar, from the Star Wars prequels.

This fan-fiction is going to mock both the Star Wars lore, and the Five Nights at Freddy's lore. Get ready for a lot of PG versions of Saturday Night Live jokes, tons of play violence, and quite a bit of bonding time in between!

*Michael is 16, Charlie is 12, Elizabeth is 9, and Chris is 6. I see Charlie as more of an older child who's a couple years younger than Michael. So, I'm going to portray her as such. If you don't like that, then that's alright.

William and Henry were looking after the kids and giving their wives a break from the children to drink and have some fun. They also wanted to look after the kids because they needed to get away from work and focus on their bonds with their children and each other. The men had taken the kids out to a park with an outside food diner. They wanted to not only save themselves from burning down the house to make supper, but they also wanted to spoil the kids rotten with take out food, and play time at the park to get some of their energy out. Not only that, but William and Henry got to push their kids on the swings, help them go across the monkey bars, and even played grounders with them on the playground. It was a long hour of bonding and genuine laughs that filled the park for a long while, even after they left.

Back at the house, the men thought they had tackled the kids' energy problem and had tuckered them out for good. Their own energy had been kicked in the rear, and the fathers were exhausted. But low and behold, the kids were STILL sprinting circles around them! Maaaaybe allowing them to get milkshakes from the take out diner was a bad idea...

"Daddy, Chris is being a buttface!"

"You started it! You hit me with your hair!"

"No I didn't!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too! You're just LYING!"

Michael groaned and leaned onto the inside ledge of the backseat car door. "Uuugh! Will you two SHUT UP!" Michael suggested, irritated at them.

William's eyes widened, and he turned his head to Michael. "Hey!" William yelled, getting his attention.

Elizabeth and Chris both gasped in surprise. "Michael said the S-word!" Elizabeth tattle told.

William huffed. "Michael, we've talked about this. We do NOT tolerate that language in this house." William reminded him sternly.

Charlie smirked and crossed her arms. "Yeah, Michael. Watch your language." she said in a sassy, sarcastic tone.

"Charlie!" Henry shot at his teenage child.

Michael frowned at Charlie. "Zip your lips Charlie. That's not even the proper S-word, and you know it!" Michael shot back.

William groans. "Did you really have to mention that?" William asked.

"...Yes." Mike replied.

Charlie giggled at that. "Well...Care to share the word?" Charlie encouraged.

"CHARLIE!" William and Henry yelled at the same time. "Don't even THINK about saying the other word." Henry warned.

"Why not? I hear teachers saying it, and many other swears all the time." Charlie told her.

Henry sighed. "Adults are allowed to say them, because they don't have a filter." Henry explained.

"Well those adults can go suck a chicken for all I care." Charlie declared bluntly.

Michael, completely understanding what she meant by chicken, threw his head back and bursted out laughing. Henry went wide-eyed in surprise, at the language his daughter had somehow picked up! Henry looked at his best friend, who's jaw had practically dropped to his knees! William bursted into a HUGE fit of laughter, while Henry turned to face his daughter. "When we get back to the house, I'm having a long talk with you about your use of language."

Though Charlie should've felt bad, she surprisingly felt a little proud of what she said. To make things better (or worse for Henry), Michael was still laughing at her comment. It was only encouraging her to say more stuff like that in the future.

Henry turned around to face the eldest children. "Listen here, you two. Just because you're hitting teenage-hood, does NOT mean you get to say whatever you want! That's not how the world works. We have younger kids in here, who look up to both of you, and who may end up using those same words YOU'RE saying! So before you start hearing Chris yelling the s-word to his father, SET AN EXAMPLE." Henry scolded sternly.

Charlie sighed and crossed her arms before looking out the window in silent anger.

Michael attempted to cover up his mouth to muffle his laughter. "Suck a chicken...I'm so using that." Michael quietly said.

William shot Michael a glare from the front mirror, and shook his head. Michael's laughter quickly died off. He looked away in guilt. "I'm sorry Dad." Michael said.

"I accept your apology." William said calmly. With the kids finally quieted down somewhat, William resumed driving.

Henry had finally lightened up his mood and actually took a moment to chuckle and appreciate his daughter's potty mouth. "Maybe we should consider placing out a swear jar for the kids." Henry suggested with a laugh.

William smirked and shrugged his shoulders. "Not the worst idea you've had..." William admitted. "Though if you're gonna suck on something...I'd suggest you suck on a lollipop. It's what they're meant for." William suggested, giggling at the double-meaning sentence he created.

Soon, the van pulled up into the driveway, and the kids and fathers headed inside. Almost immediately, the kids started pulling out toys to play with. It didn't take long for the kids to come up with an idea, and join together to search for specific toys. Very soon, all 4 kids had grabbed different colored light sabers and started fighting each other with the plastic colored swords. 2 of the light sabers they chose were blue, and the other 2 light sabers were red. It looked like they were tag teaming based on light saber color, and they were yelling and jumping on couches while loud sounds of plastic hitting plastic filled the room repeatedly for a few minutes.

William and Henry thought they could have a bit of time to rest their body, so they pulled out bottles of soda and started drinking those. But low and behold, Chris wanted his Dad to play with him.

"Daddy! Can you play Star Wars with us? I wanna be Luke Skywalker." Chris declared, waving his plastic light saber around and nearly knocking William in the face multiple times.

"I wanna be Princess Leia!" Elizabeth declared happily with a blue light saber of her own.

While William was trying to save his face from Chris's light saber toy, Henry walked up to Elizabeth. "If you're gonna be Princess Leia, you're gonna need a laser blaster." Henry told her.

Elizabeth dropped the light saber right onto the ground at her feet. "OH YEAH!" Elizabeth yelled. Then, Elizabeth turned herself around and sprinted back into the living room, empty-handed. "MICHAEL, WHERE'S THE LASER GUN?" Elizabeth yelled. It could be assumed that Michael answered using his index finger rather than his voice, because soon the sound of clashing toys was roaring over the light saber plastic bonks. It didn't take long for Elizabeth to come running back out to the kitchen with the big black blaster. It was pretty clear that the blaster was really Michael's, because the gun itself was a little big compared to Elizabeth. But that didn't matter. It's just a lightweight toy.

"Uncle Henry, do you wanna play Star Wars too?" Elizabeth asked in a cute, slightly whiny voice.

"I'd love to!" Henry replied, picking up the blue light saber that Elizabeth dropped earlier.

Elizabeth jumped up and pointed at Henry. "You get to be Obi-wan Kenobi!" Elizabeth declared.

Henry gasped happily. "You want me to be Obi-Wan Kenobi?" Henry clarified.

Elizabeth nodded her head. "Yeah! Your hair looks like Kenobi's in Revenge of the Sith! Short and light brown." Elizabeth explained.

Chris looked up at Henry, and gave his father his light saber to momentarily hold. Then, Chris walked himself up to his uncle, and smiled widely. "You look like Obi-Wan's twin, but with glasses!" Chris further explained.

William snickered at the cute and funny scene.

"If Uncle Henry's being Obi-Wan, then Dad should be Anakin." Michael suggested from the door frame, leaning up against it as he listened to the conversation with a red light saber in his hand.

William listed an eyebrow and blinked in surprise. "You want me to be Anakin Skywalker? The man who becomes Darth Vader?" William clarified with his oldest son.

Michael walked up to his father, and removed the pony from his father's long hair. After a quick fluff of the hair, Michael took one look at it and smirked. "Anakin Skywalker: A man with childhood trauma, ends up letting his rage take over, which helps him become a famous Sith leader with children going against him." Michael explains. William's smile slowly falls off his face. Thankfully though, Michael keeps going to redeem himself. "But you have a much more...light-hearted ending: William Afton: A man with childhood trauma, who overcomes his pain to become a successful business man with a wife and children." Michael concludes.

William's curious facial expression softens into soft care and appreciation. He looked down at the ground with a shade of pink covering his cheeks, almost as if he was embarrassed. Then, to top it off, Michael gives him a pat on the back and an additional phrase. "Even with all those imperfections though, Darth Vader does redeem himself as a strong Jedi, who allowed his kids to inherit the good parts of the Jedi and create the Resistance. So, good job...Dark Father". Michael concluded.

William just stared at Michael in awe and watched as Michael headed back out into the living room with his red light saber. William looked down at the floor, struggling to process what he had just heard. His chest was telling him to cry, but he didn't want to. He didn't want to cry in front of Henry, Chris and Elizabeth. So, he swallowed it down, looked up to Henry and smiled proudly.

Unfortunately for William, Henry could notice something was up. "You okay? Did...did Mike's words bother you?" Henry asked.

William opened his mouth, but closed it when he had to think of what he was gonna say. "I...I don't know how I'm supposed to react." William explained with a small laugh. "I wanna cry, but I also wanna laugh." William said, laughing as he processed his conflicting emotions.

Henry smiled. "What do you say, we let those emotions out while we play Star Wars?" Henry suggested.

William smiled and nodded. "Okay." He said, letting Chris go and getting up from his chair. William, Henry, Chris and Elizabeth all walked back to the living room with their Star War toys, and started playing with the kids. As the fathers played around with the kids, they started making references to the Star Wars movies.

At one point, Chris was standing on the couch and looking at his uncle. Henry being the silly man he was, turned around, waved at the kid and said "Hello there!" to him like Kenobi would. William laughed at that, before picking up Chris and putting him on his shoulders. "General Kenobi!" William declared, muttering the dialogue before bursting out laughing.

Suddenly, Charlie came up with an amazing idea! "Dad! Uncle Henry! Do you remember the fight from Revenge of the Sith?" Charlie asked.

William giggled and nodded. "The only good thing about the prequels." William replied.

"Can you and Dad reenact the light saber duel?" Charlie suggested.

Michael gasped and looked up with his jaw dropped. "YEEEESSS!" He yelled.

Elizabeth squealed excitedly and put away her gun. "DADDY IS GONNA BE ANAKIN AND UNCLE HENRY IS GONNA BE OBI-WAN!" Elizabeth yelled.

Michael smirks. "I'll get the popcorn!" he declared, running to the kitchen.

William laughed nervously as Elizabeth gave her father the blue, plastic light saber from the chest of toys. Chris handed Henry the blue light saber in his hand, and jumped himself onto the couch. Elizabeth joined him, and happily held onto a pillow. Michael walked himself back into the living room with a bowl of popcorn, and sat down onto the couch.

William stole a piece of popcorn from the bowl, before practicing how to open the toy light saber. When Henry was ready, William calmed himself and pushed some hair out of the way.

William was about to start speaking, but he realized that Padme was missing. "My wife is not here." William told the audience.

Henry bursted into laughter. "There's no one to play Padme!" Henry reacted.

"Should-...Should I just continue without her?" William asked.

"Sure, let's just...cut her from the scene." Henry suggested.

William nodded and looked up at the ship (couch), which was currently housing Obi-Wan. He put up his light saber in defense. "YOU!" William yelled.

Henry looks at William, and smirks. "Yes...it is me..." He declares in a monotone voice.

William looks around. "Where's Padme?" William asked.

Henry thinks for a moment, trying to get some dialogue out as quick as possible. "U-Uh...She's at home...in labor." Henry quickly says. Michael guffawed at that.

"What? Oh no. I have to go to her!" William reacts, running to the ship.

But, Henry stops him. "Nope. I wanna talk to you." He declares. "You broke the Jedi order by losing your virginity." Henry adds, struggling to not laugh.

"Yes. And I enjoyed every minute of it." William says back to him. Charlie and Michael are just laughing, while Chris and Elizabeth are confused as anything. The one thing going through William's head right now, was 'If Elizabeth asks me what virginity is in front of her mother, then I'm in SO much trouble...'

Henry walks up to William. "I told you to not let your feelings get in the way of your duties." Henry tells him.

William narrows his eyes at him. "I lost my mother! And I was going to lose Padme if I hadn't turned to the dark side." William explained.

"You fool! You absolute moron! Death is a normal part of life! If you accepted that earlier on, then you'd be happier." Henry told him.

"Or maybe I would've been happier if you brought my Mother to live with the Jedi order! Then I could've gotten to know her before she died." William adds.

Henry looks down, taken back. "Oh...oh yeah..." Henry reacts, realizing he had fucked up.

"And you think I'm the moron..." William commented.

"Well still! You rebelled against us!" Henry yelled.

"So that I can save my wife!" William yelled back.

"Your wife isn't coming back! Even if she did live, Padme is leaving you. You've done something both of us are completely against!" Henry told him.

William's eyes widened. "What? YOU TURNED HER AGAINST ME?!" William asked, slightly coming back to the original dialogue.

"Nope! You did that yourself. And for that, I'm going to kill you!" Henry declared.

"Do your worst! AAAAAH!" William shouted, before starting the light saber fight. William and Henry started reenacting the light saber fight with the plastic light sabers.

"YES! GO DAD GO! DON'T LET KENOBI BEAT YOU UP!" Elizabeth yelled.

William gave Henry a light kick backwards, and continued the sword fighting across the bridge (narrow blanket). It didn't take long for William to bring Henry across the bridge, and onto a new platform. Amidst the light saber fighting, Henry grabbed William's arm, and pulled him under his other arm. Working with Henry's hand grip, William went under and used his lightsaber to stop Obi-Wan from slashing him.

"WOW! You guys know this fight very well!" Michael commented, slightly slurring from having popcorn in his mouth.

Next, William and Henry kept fighting and walking onto another bridge (a bunch of narrow pillows), and William's light saber started hitting the walls around him (the leather chair). William gave Henry a light push backwards, and allowed Henry to go for him again. When he did, William started attempting to get the upper hand again with help from his light saber. After Henry hit the control module on the table (coffee table), William lightly grabbed his throat, and grabbed his hand tightly. To get Henry down without accidentally choking him, William moved his choking hand to Henry's shoulder and lightly helped him contort his back down, towards the ground.

"Whoooaa...You okay like that Dad?" Charlie asked, worried about her father's back pain.

"Never...better..." Henry replied, his voice being strained slightly from the strange position. Thankfully, the back position didn't seem to bother him, and he used a nod to tell William he's fine, and to keep going. William put on his best psychotic face, and started pushing his light saber laser towards Henry's neck. He didn't want to contort Henry's neck too much, for fear that he would mess up his back even more. So, he let Henry's shoulder go and allowed him to get himself back onto his feet. Unfortunately, that led to Henry's body shooting back up at him, and nailing him in the chest with his body.

Charlie winced at the potential pain it probably caused both of them. "That's not right! Obi-Wan Kenobi kicked Anakin in the butt!" Chris reacted, completely unaware of the pain of doing such a thing.

William rolled his eyes and giggled as he brought himself backwards a bit to process the hit. Henry smiled and put his hands on his knees for a second. "Thank you. And sorry for hitting you." Henry said.

"Eh...it's alright. It's all part of the fun. I was more worried about your back, than anything." William commented. Henry nodded. "Let's keep going." William said, rolling himself onto the ground a pushing himself back up from 'getting kicked in the butt'. Henry started running at William. Just as it was scripted, William gave him a light kick onto the ground (the chair). Henry bursted into laughter as he felt his body fall perfectly into the chair. William smiled as he watched Henry get himself off the couch, leaving the light saber onto the side of the chair.

"That was awesome!" Henry reacted, walking up to him again. William started speed-walking up to Henry. With William getting closer and Henry not wanting William to do the wicked stunts Hayden Christensen did, Henry gave William a trip instead of a full on kick to flip him over. William, thankful for the safety change, rolled himself as he hit the ground, and ended up on his back like the script. His light saber also went rolling away.

Charlie, realizing a force opportunity, grabbed the light sabers and waited for each of them to hold out their hands. When they did, Charlie ran up, and put both light sabers into their hands before sitting down. Michael chuckled at the funny quick time event. "Featuring, Charlie Emily as the Force." Michael announced jokingly.

William pulled out his light saber with his fingers, and placed it horizontally, while Henry pulled his out as well but placed it vertically. Using their equal strength, William and Henry pushed against each other to prevent their ultimate demise.

"Jumpcut!" William yelled, pushing Henry's light saber backwards and getting himself back up. Henry smirked and started using the light saber as a cane. "Okay. You ready?" Henry asked.

William smiled. "Ready for round 2." William declared before getting up. Both men turned themselves to face the other way, and started fighting again.

"GO OBI-WAN GO! GO OBI-WAN GO!" Elizabeth yelled. Michael shushed her with a chuckle, and offered her some more popcorn.

The two men started fighting again, and ended up letting their light sabers clash into another cross symbol. Then, both men started putting their 'Force' skills to the test. "Charlie! Push us away!" Henry told her. Charlie happily jumped up, and hopped in between them. Both arms were on opposite sides of Charlie, and Charlie was in the middle, pushing them apart with a hand on each of their chests. William and Henry happily helped Charlie with a bit of the pushing weight, and continued to act out the force in their hand. Then, Charlie pushed both of them outward, causing William and Henry to fall backwards onto the ground. It wasn't nearly as strong as shown in the movie, but it still did its trick. As Charlie was going to sit back down, William gave Charlie a high five as a reward.

William and Henry got back up, and started fighting again. Suddenly both men hit the control module (coffee table) with their light sabers, causing the controls on Mustafar to shut off and increase the lava current. Henry ran out the door (through the other side of a curtain) and turned around to continue the light saber fight. The two jumped and sparred with their kids' swords in their hands. They fought down a gate (just the room), before grabbing a pillow. William didn't want to kick Henry again, especially in the face. So William had decided to whip the pillow into Henry's face.

Chris and Elizabeth bursted out laughing at Henry's face, when the pillow fell off his face. "Suck on that, Kenobi!" William yelled at him.

"EAT MY LIGHT SABER!" Henry yelled at him, before jumping onto the pipes (a line of painters tape, put there by Michael). William jumped himself on the pipes as well, and continued the fight when he got his balance. Then, Henry jumped himself onto the next set of pipes, and walked across it. The boys had to be careful to only walk on the painters tape, and to not mess up. otherwise, he would've 'fallen into the lava'. Though the characters were seen struggling, William and Henry didn't struggle nearly as much.

When Henry lost his balance, he jumped onto another spot entirely (a yoga mat) and watched as William did the same thing. They continued to fight, and began pushing each other. When the pushing was over, William and Henry pushed each other's light sabers into the ground, and broke the ground (didn't actually break the ground) below them. William and Henry ran up and hid behind 2 pillars (hid on opposite sides of the couch), waiting for the lava threat to be over. Though this would've been the part where the lava current controller had split and fallen down, but William and Henry decided to ignore that part and started fighting on the front of the couch instead, while partly hidden in their hiding spots.

Suddenly, Henry jumped himself onto a platform within the lava (a pillow). William jumped himself onto another nearby platform (another pillow) and continued the light saber fight from there for a few seconds.

Michael smiled and clenched his fists excitedly. "It's getting there...We're almost there!" Michael said excitedly. So far, he had been enjoying the parody of the duel, but it was nearly closing in on the well known part.

William and Henry finally pushed their swords together and pushed at each other. So, Henry backed up slightly and readied his sword as he looked at him.

However, William had broken character and was snickering at him. "What?" Henry asked, confused.

"You're dead, Kenobi. I am the ultimate Sith Lord!" William joked, before pointing at the floor with the light saber. Henry looked and just chuckled as he realized what he was talking about: he had stepped off the pillow and was now standing on the ground, in the 'lava'. Henry rolled his eyes and grabbed his pillow, before moving it farther back and stepping onto it.

Then, Henry readied his light saber again. "I failed you Anakin. I've failed you." Henry told him.

William smirked. "How dare you! How dare you fail me on my flying test!" William joked.

Henry just laughed. "You were drunk, Anakin!" Henry joked.

"I should've known the Jedi would want to kill me!" William told him.

Henry lowered his head. "It's 'I should've known the Jedi were plotting to take over'." Henry corrected.

William looked at him with sadistic eyes, but a genuine smile. "I should've known the Jedi were plotting my failure." William joked.

Henry sighed with a slight smile, and went along with it. "Anakin, you doofus! Chancellor Palpatine is evil!" Henry yelled back.

"Yes! That's why I liked him! He was different from the Jedi! The Jedi are even MORE evil than Palpatine!" William yelled back.

"DEAR JESUS, YOU'RE LOST! YOU'VE LOST YOUR SANITY!" Henry shouted back at him.

William slid his body and the pillow, closer to Henry. "This is the end for you, my master." William said in an angered, deep voice.

Henry was taken back slightly. Wow! he's REALLY GOOD at this! "Jokes on you, I'm not afraid of death! Unlike you!" Henry said back to him.

William smirked somewhat...evilly. "Let me bring it to you swiftly then." William told him, before jumping onto the same platform (pillow) as him. William and Henry continued to fight, beginning to feel the bits of sweat dripping down their face. William smiled as he thought of a joke. "Is it getting hot in here? Or is it just me?" William asked.

Michael bursted out laughing at that. Charlie smiled and put her hands on the sides of her face. "NOW KISS!" Charlie joked.

Henry widened his eyes and looked at Charlie. "NO! Oh my god, no!" Henry reacted, taking it seriously. William smirked and gave him little kissy lips just to mess with him. Henry groaned and pushed him. "Do me a favor and drown." Henry ordered.

Then, Henry jumped onto the couch, and looked down at William with an angry face. "It's over Anakin! I have the high ground!" Henry yelled.

William smirked and stared at Henry deviously. "You underestimate my power!" William yelled.

"Don't try it." Henry warned.

"I'm about to end your whole existence!" William declared, jumping towards him.

Henry used his light saber to cut Anakin's limbs off, and looked at him in surprise. William started jokingly shouting words like, "IT HURTS!", "HELP ME!" and "AAAAAAAHH!".

Henry only laughed at his attempts to pretend yell. "How about I destroy your voice next?" Henry joked.

"I'm dyyyying! Heeelp meeee!" William pleaded.

"No! This was your choice!" Henry replied.

"I HATE YOU!" William shouted.

"But...But I loved you!" Henry said, with a fake sad voice put on for laughs.

Suddenly, Elizabeth stood up on the couch. "I WANNA BE THE FIRE!" Elizabeth declared, sprinting up to her father and climbing across the floor.

"Wait, what?" Henry asked, very confused, but also somewhat laughing.

"I wanna be the lava fire burning Anakin!" Elizabeth declared, before climbing up her father's legs.

William started laughng, but quickly drowned out his laughter with his own screams of 'pain and terror'. "I'M BUUURRNING! OBI-WAN! HELP!" William yelled.

"BURN YOU EVIL MAN!" Elizabeth yelled, before wiggling her fingers on his armpits.

"EEEEK!" William squealed, pulling his arms down and flopping to his side. Elizabeth brought her father onto his back, jumped on top of his waist and continued tickling him on his ribs. "NOOOOHOHOHOHOHO! EHEHELIHIHIZABEHEHETH! WHYHYHYHY!" William bursted out.

"I'm burning you! I'm the eeevil fire! RAWR!" Elizabeth joked, lifting her hands to show off her 'claws' before tickling her father on his sides.

"FIHIHIHIRE IHIHIS NAHAHAHAT AHAHALIHIHIVE!" William told her.

"I know! But it dances around like it IS alive! So, I'm dancing my fingers!" Elizabeth explained, moving her hands to his tummy.

"EEEEEHEhehehehehehe! Hahahahahahaha! Ohohohokahahay, ohohohokAHAHAHAy! Yohohohou cahahan stahahap nohohow!" William told her.

"No I can't! I haven't reached your armpits and neck yet!" Elizabeth told him, before shoving her hands into his armpits and wiggling her fingers.

"NaaaAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! NAHAHAT THEHEHEHERE! PLEHEHEHEHEHAHASE!" William begged.

"Let the fire burn the bits of arm you have left! Mwahahahaha!" Elizabeth teased.

Henry was so confused, and a slight bit worried. First of all, Elizabeth wanted to pretend to be the fire that BURNS ANAKIN ALIVE! But on the other hand...Henry began to wonder if that was just an excuse to tickle her father. Henry looked over to Charlie, Chris and Michael, who were also confused, but amused. "Welp...I guess getting burned alive TICKLES now." Henry stated.

Charlie laughed at that, while Chris jumped up and hopped off the couch. "I WANNA BE FIRE TOO!" Chris yelled, running to his father and starting to tickle his belly.

"WAHAHAIT, WHAHAHAHAT?! CHRIHIHIHIS, DOHOHOHOHON'T! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" William laughed, throwing his head back and resting his arm on his forehead as he helplessly laughed hysterically.

Henry just chuckled at the funny scene in front of him, and decided to attempt to act again. "I loved you! You were my brother Anakin!" Henry told him through the scripted dialogue.

"STAHAHAP JUHUHUST STAHAHANDIHING THEHERE AHAHAND UHUHUTTEHEHEHERIHIHING LIHINES, AHAHAND HEHEHELP MEHEHEHEHE!" William yelled at him.

"Oh! Well in that case:" Henry declared. Henry walked himself up to William and the kids, and picked up Elizabeth first. "Come here, ya evil thing!" Henry teased, before wiggling his fingers on her stomach.

Elizabeth bursted out laughing and started squirming back and forth almost immediately. "YOHOU'RE TIHICKLIHING MEHEHEHE!" Elizabeth squealed in his grasp.

"You bet I am! Because everyone knows that if fire is going to mess with my best friend, you're going to get tickled!" Henry teased. Charlie giggled at that. "See? Charlie knows what I'm talking about!" Henry said, pausing the tickling to point at his daughter, before tickling Elizabeth again.

"I think you forgot something Dad..." Charlie said, standing right beside her father. "If you're going to mess with fire, you're going to get burned." Charlie told him.

"That's true." Henry said, still tickling Elizabeth.

"Or, tickled in THIS context!" Charlie declared, before drilling her fingers right into his hips. Henry yelped in surprise, and quickly curled in, dropping Elizabeth in the process. Thankfully, Michael was standing right in front of Henry, and was able to grab Elizabeth. With Elizabeth safe in his hands, Michael brought Elizabeth back to their father. Elizabeth resumed to tickling her father, while Michael happily joined in at the feet.

"AAAAAAH! MIHIHIHICHAHAHAHAEL!" William yelled, falling into cackles in a matter of seconds.

Henry was currently being tickled as well, by his only daughter! And surprisingly, Henry was much more ticklish than William which meant Charlie could get him down much quicker. Charlie was currently drilling into his hips, while occasionally bringing her fingers up to his sides. Henry was cackling madly, and was squirming around like his life depended on it. The poor man was WAY too ticklish to handle much more.

Thankfully, Charlie knew his limits, and stopped tickling him to join Michael and the other kids on Uncle William. All 4 of the kids had laid themselves on top of William, like a big puppy pile. Michael and Charlie were tickling his socked feet while laying on his legs, and Chris and Elizabeth were laying on his stomach and not tickling him at all. "Hahahahahaha! Yohohou guhuhuhuys ahahare soho sihihilly." William reacted.

Chris laid his body on the ground beside William, and began using William's stomach as a pillow. Meanwhile, Elizabeth had gotten off of William and was pulling Henry over, so he could lay down beside William. "Elizabeth, you don't have to push me! Just show me where to-...Oh, okay." Henry said, before laying down beside William.

"Hihihihi...Wehelcome to chahahaohos..." William said to his friend.

"I'm glad I was invited!" Henry replied.

Soon, the kids started doggy piling on both men. They were all laying in a mass of generations on the floor, finally getting some much needed rest. The kids were cuddling their parent and uncle while they laid around. William and Henry were more than happy for the break, and so was Michael. But Charlie, Elizabeth and Chris couldn't sit around for very long, before getting bored and wanting to play again. So, William, Henry and Michael happily laid around on the floor, while Charlie looked after the 2 kids herself for a bit. Charlie knew that the fathers were somewhat unequipped energy-wise for looking after them, and Charlie was. So, she let them attempt to rest while she played hide and seek with the kids.

#ticklefic #star wars references #sith anakin skywalker #obi wan kenobi vs anakin skywalker #lightsaber battles #parody #mocking star wars #lee!william #ler!charlie #switch!henry #switch!elizabeth #ler!chris

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princesstreaclefanfic · 5 years ago

Text

We Meet Again Chapter Nine

Disclaimer - All recognisable characters belong to their original owners. I do not make a profit from writing this; I simply do it for my own amusement. No copyright infringement intended.

Moving Forward

"We should start fresh in the morning," Emily told everyone before they left the office for the day.

Luke's eyes went to Penelope and he could see just how distraught she was over Reid. It was killing her that she couldn't do anything and Luke knew that when she went to visit him she was struggling to recognise her friend. He'd studied the effects of prison on inmates so it was no wonder that Reid was acting like he was. But still, it was hard for Penelope.

Everyone went their separate ways and Luke watched as Prentiss and Rossi both disappeared into their respective officers, neither one looking like they were going to come out any time soon.

He gathered his things and made his way down to the parking lot. When he got there, Penelope was leaning against her small blue car looking completely lost.

He placed his bag into his car and watched. She didn't move.

Luke walked over to her.

"Penelope?" Her eyes shot to his and he could see the tears welling up in them.

He didn't give her the chance to say anything, he just wrapped his arms around her and held her. Much to his surprise, Penelope wrapped her arms around his back and held him.

When she finally pulled away, she spoke so quietly that Luke almost didn't hear here. "I don't want to be alone tonight… do you think you could come over… or I could come to you?"

"Yeah, let me just go home and sort Roxy out and then I'll be over."

Penelope nodded. "You could bring Roxy over if you like."

Luke smiled. "She'd love to see you."

They separated and Luke helped her get into her car, shutting the door behind her and watching her drive out of the parking lot.

Luke got into his own truck and made his way home.

He fed Roxy and took her for a quick walk before changing his clothes into something more comfortable.

He grabbed her favourite toy (a pink soft pig) in case she needed something to keep her occupied and loaded Roxy into his car.

The drive to Penelope's passed quickly and soon he found himself at her door, Roxy sat patiently at his side with her pig in her mouth.

Penelope answered the door quickly, dressed in pink polka dot pyjamas.

She greeted them both with a small smile and invited them.

Roxy set about sniffing everything she could. Her nose getting into every nook and cranny.

Simon, who had been napping quite happily on the sofa, was quite affronted when he was rudely awoken by a wet lick across his face by a very excited Roxy.

"Rox!" Luke reprimanded.

"It's alright," Penelope chuckled. "Simon just really likes his sleep."

Luke and Penelope watched as Simon and Roxy took a few minutes to warm up to each other. But once Simon had bopped her on the snout and Roxy had offered up her pig as a peace offering, they both settled down, Roxy lying on the floor next to the couch and Simon rolling onto his back as sleep consumed him once more.

"Do you want a drink?" Penelope asked quietly.

"Yeah."

In no time at all, there was a steaming pot of tea in the middle of the dining room table and Luke was sipping from a blue and white striped mug.

"Do you want to talk?"

"Not about Reid," Penelope said as she shook her head. "It just makes me so sad to think of him… in there…" She shivered. "Tell me a funny story - about anything."

Luke thought for a moment and then the perfect story popped into his head.

He told her about the time his cousin, who is a teacher had a major falling out with her best friend. It was bad, there were names thrown back and forth, screaming and Luke was sure that there was even some food thrown. He never found out what it was about but he did know that the girl had sent his cousin a letter detailing why she had been a bad friend and why she was so glad that their friendship was over.

Penelope interrupted him. "How is this a funny story?"

"Let me get to that part," he chastised.

When his cousin got the letter, she had read it, before getting out a red pen and picking up on all the spelling and grammatical errors that were strewn throughout the letter - did he forget to mention that his cousin was an English teacher? Then she had graded it, folded it up neatly and sent it back to her old friend.

The end of the story had Penelope laughing with tears down her face.

The sight made Luke smile and he was glad that he could do that for her. Make her forget, even for a minute about all the crap they were dealing with.

"What happened after that?" Penelope asked.

Luke shrugged his shoulders. "Nothing. Never heard from her friend again. Not that I think that's a bad thing."

"Your cousin sounds amazing!"

"She is - she's a mom the two most fantastic boys I have ever met." Luke was Godfather to both of them and he loved them so much.

"I'm going to have to disagree with you on that," Penelope said as she placed her mug down. "Henry, Michael and Hank are the most fantastic boys I have ever met."

"Well, you've never met my Godsons."

"And you've never met mine," she countered.

"We'll have to change that then." His eyes glittered when he said that and met hers over the table.

Penelope cocked her head to the side and a vulnerable looked drifted over her face.

"Will you kiss me?" Her question surprised him. But the answer was so obvious.

Luke shot off his chair and knelt at her feet. Reverently, he took her face in her hands and gave her a wide smile. Slowly, he leaned in, stroking her cheeks as he did so.

When their lips met it was sweet relief. He sank himself into the kiss, tasting her lips and feeling the soft skin of her cheeks under his thumbs.

Pulling away, he looked into her eyes.

They were closed but then they opened and her green eyes were blazing with heat.

Penelope moved forward and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him close and kissing him.

Their lips moved together, slanting over each other as both Luke and Penelope revelled in the kiss.

She moved closer to him until she was teetering on the edge of the chair, dangerously close to falling onto him (Luke didn't think he would mind if she did).

When her tongue swept over his bottom lip, Luke felt his cock begin to stir in his jeans.

Her hands slipped down his chest, finding the hem of his t-shirt before she began to move it upwards.

Luke pulled his lips away so she could remove it before diving straight back in.

His lips frantically found hers and he found himself devouring her, needing to feel more and more of her.

His large hands cupped her breasts through her pyjamas and she moaned into his mouth, the noise heading straight for his cock.

"Luke," she moaned, leaving his lips as she kissed down his neck. Her lips were soft on his skin and Luke let his head fall back as her tongue and lips explored the expanse of his chest.

Her tongue slipped in between his pecks and Luke grabbed the chair she was sitting on. When he tongue circled around his nipple, his body rocked towards her.

"Do you like that?" she mumbled and Luke wanted to respond but he couldn't. There was no blood left in his brain to make his mouth work, it had all travelled south and was pooling in his cock.

Penelope's lips moved back up to his and she placed a simple kiss to his lips. "Luke.."

"Hm?"

"You're phone is ringing."

Her words didn't register and he moved forward to kiss her again.

"Luke," she giggled against his mouth. "You need to answer your phone."

He pulled away and stared at her for a second as if she were speaking a foreign language.

"Your phone…" she started again before Luke's eyes widened in realisation when his ring tone broke through the 'Penelope fog' and he shoved his hand into his jean pocket, trying to find the offending device.

"Sorry," he mumbled, finally managing to pull his phone out. "It's my mom," he told her, flicking the green call button across the screen.

"Hey mom," he greeted, a soft smile spreading across his face simply because he was talking to his mom.

"Hello darling, how are you?"

"I'm fine thanks, mom." He looked up to see Penelope smiling at him. "Is everything alright?"

"Oh yes. I just wanted to ring you as I've not heard from you for a few days." Luke had been so preoccupied with the cases and Reid that he'd let his daily calls to his mom lapse.

"Sorry - work has been so busy," he explained.

"Don't worry about it; I just wanted to make sure you were alright."

"Yeah I am, can I call you back later?"

"Of course… why, are you with someone?"

"Yeah…" He felt himself blushing as Penelope bit her lip.

He could feel his mom's narrowed eyes down the phone. "Is it that girl you like?"

His eyes went wide and his blush deepened.

"I'll call you back, mom."

"It is! I want to know everything!" she squealed, hanging up the phone.

Luke took his time looking up at Penelope and when he did he was glad to see an amused look on her face.

"Sorry," he said again. "I can never refuse a phone call from my mom."

"Don't apologise, it's really sweet."

Silence surrounded them and Luke became very aware that he was knelt on the floor, shirtless.

"Do you want your shirt back?" Penelope asked and Luke nodded, trying not to give off an awkward laugh.

Penelope handed it to him and Luke pulled it over his head.

"Thanks for coming over tonight," she said to him in a quiet voice.

"It's alright - I don't mind being the one you come to when you need someone." His words were similar to their earlier conversation when he found her crying in her office.

Roxy chose that moment to come over and nudge her way in between Luke and Penelope.

"Hello beautiful girl," Penelope cooed, rubbing her hands over her coat as she loved on her.

Luke grinned and gently tickled the underside of her belly.

She tucked her face under Luke's arm.

"Do you want to go to the potty?" he asked and her tail wagged hard against the dining room chair leg.

"I think that's a yes," he told Penelope, getting to his feet.

Roxy grabbed her pig from where it was laid on the floor and ran over to the front door.

"I think that's my cue to leave," he said.

Penelope nodded.

They walked to the front door together and Penelope opened it for them both.

As Luke went to leave, her soft hand grabbed onto his.

"I really am grateful for tonight, Luke."

"I know."

"And if you ever need me… just ask."

That made him smile.

"Goodnight, Penelope." He leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on her cheek.

"Night, Luke," she whispered.

As difficult as it was, he walked away from Penelope and down the steps to where Roxy was waiting patiently by a tree.

She did her business and then he loaded her up into the car.

When he glanced back at her apartment, Penelope had come out and was stood at the railing. He gave her a wave and she waved back.

Luke smiled and got into his car, driving away from Penelope and back to his house.

He was glad he could be there for her. It felt like they were moving forward.

#criminal minds #penelope garcia #luke alvez #garvez #friendship #comfort #romance #kiss #love

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dyker-farmer · 5 years ago

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More bro fic.... angst fodder kind content.

Take that can away if you can

I never see Shane works that don't go all in for romance nor explore the more realistic ugly parts of recovery, and I kind of crave That TM. So let me have at it too with the self-insert whump mumbo jumbo; no romo version.

Set post-8 hearts event- not 10, jesus-, Farmer Uidelsib is two years or so in, full house built and married to Emily. They/them pronouns, same as me.

Diverges from then on, Shane-centric from an outside POV for the most part.

I also put it on Ao3.

[[MORE]]

A bitch bastard man and a bitch walk into a room... Chapter 1/2/3/4

"I think we should talk about this."

If the room was stifled before, this just causes the pin to drop, and the relative lull to shatter with it. I don't want a storm, but we can't pretend the sea's a slightly oversized pond if we want him not drowning in it- again, my mind supplies, unhelpful.

He's zoning out again, blurry eyes pointedly off me, preferring the turned-off TV.

Let's start easy. "Why did you come here, Shane?"

"I-I-" It sounds like an excuse building up and it bubbles out like a shaken can, "I don't- I shouldn't have-" he goes to up and leave, and we just can't have that.

I scrape my chair closer and grab his shoulder, same as before. Hopefully it's more placating than caging. "No, you should have. You did good. Seeking out, remember?"

He doesn't answer but stills.

"Like Dr.Campbell and Harvey said." I try again.

"Yeah… Yeah." Deep breathing. "I. Don't know." He searches for my face, not quite past the nose. I nod, ushering him on. "It's. Stupid." I frown and my eyebrow goes higher than before and he immediately doubles down. "I know- positiv' reinforchment and all that shit! But… It's hard." A tired hand wipes the most of moisture off his face, before it goes back to wriggle with the other on his lap. "It's so fuckin' hard. Didn't even last two seasons!-"

I cut him off. "Two seasons is a lot! One and a half too. Last time, you'd tried to go cold turkey on the spot. We know what that got us." Sea foam in the mouth and a shared cold in the early spring, on top of a Joja lawsuit. "Shit's hard, like you said. You lasted one and a half this time. Next time-"

"Why the fuck do you always think there's gonna be a next time."

This time, I still. My laidback demeanor mirror his, but so does the cold anger creeping in and tensing both our backs.

"Because. There is going to be a next time. And another after that. And another. Same way there's been next times before this one now."

What's left unsaid we don't touch.

All irritation floods from him like it's just pointless to keep it in anymore, and his forehead goes to thunk softly against the wooden surface he leaned on before. The table muffles his next words a little.

"I can't… keep doing that." I don't peep. "I can't keep rolling back down and then up and down, and up, and down. I- I just can't, Garcia- Uidel-"

"I'll drag you there." I shrug.

"But you shouldn't have to!" His voice raises and make the boards vibrate where his skin's still pressed. "You shouldn't have to-to fuckin'-" he sniffles, the following words drowned out in held-back sobs. "Fuck damn it, you- I said I- I wouldn't be a burden anymore!"

He's crying out loud now, open sorrow and no walls left. Out of all the things you could stick on the not-so amiable man sulking straight from bed to Jojamart to Stardrop Saloon to bed, you probably wouldn't think of "extreme scare of bothering anyone". Yet it's all here in how he collapses silently in the mattress, wake without a sound, keep his head down the whole time he crosses town, tries to merge himself in the fake-nice blue of the shelves at work, then corners himself right between the chimney and the bar on Emily's side, stuck in-between two sources of warmth that can never touch him unless he swings one way or the other. And he doesn't a lot, still keeping to himself strictly. You probably wouldn't think either of how dreamy he gets, hidden in his alcove but seeing everything from there.

When Harvey nerds out about classical, jazz and electro swing music down the bar to me, trying to catch me up on my fuzzy memories of arts history and the implications of breaking codes in the tempo and the leisure of each instruments; of how each note gets a specific response from the brain if done right, and can make up for caffeine deprivation in miraculous ways, when there are no more chances to push back the dread of midterms season at doctor school.

When Elliott, boisterous and drunk, arm-on-arm with an equally inebriated Leah, calls out to the whole place to hear out his latest soliloquy, and drags on the words too much, but with a voice that carries it well, all flamboyance and no limits, as his hair floats around him in a crown and he reigns over the room like a kind lion- Description all intoxicated words from your chicken man truly, not mine. I always get too caught up in the pendulum of Leah's braid and her crooked smile to quite appreciate his theatrics. But the recital rings clear, and everyone applauds the performance- because hey, you applaud a drunk guy showing off the prowess of not tripping a single word in a ten minutes tirade, but also because it really is that good! Everyone, even Shane, whose hands zipped to under his armpits the moment our eyes crossed and I met his pink cheeks with a clairvoyant smile.

Hey, what can I say. Dude's a sapiosexual. Hence why we'll never and cannot bang. That, and, uh, the being lesbian thing.

But all this is closed off and not for anyone to see behind see-through fogged windows, like those kitchen cabinets, when you can make out the piled plates all resting against the cold surface precariously, bound to crash and shatter the moment you open them.

It took a good wrecking ball of a fake-oblivious polite faced stranger and my incessant, hot pepper poppers-powered pestering, to even just crackles the glass.

The rest was all done out of his own volition. He can't see that because alcohol is a depressant, and guzzling it down leads to blurry concepts made softer always and pretty much lush in brain, and when he's off the thing, and that's rare, he instantly goes from not there to thinking he's everywhere, soiling everything and giving nothing.

His sobbing doesn't relent, and he whimpers issues of "trustworthy sack of shit", "not being worth the fucking shrink's money", "not being worth his aunt's troubles", "not being worth Jas". At some point he goes to grapple with his hair, and tugs brusquely once, then twice, then I have to reach for his wrist to make him stop, which he snatches back as soon as I make contact. But he doesn't grab anything to pull or pinch or punch again, so that's good. I stay on standby beside him, but don't touch him. He rasps more condemnations, struggles to breathe enough through the phlegm spreading in his respiratory system, and I start reenacting the steps to stop a hyperventilation in my head, and the first aid for choking, when he begins to cough violently, his entire frame upset with the movement.

He takes the tissue box i nudge with insistence toward him, and ends up spitting mouthfuls of mucus mixed with some bile in the basin under his feet. Most of it is clear and smells of fruits, not beer, so I'm not too worried. When I go to stabilize him by taking his shoulders, he grasps at my wrists to stop me- but let them stay here, while he clings. The tremors get to me now, and I remind myself that this is good, this is before the cliffs and him finding refuge to burst open, not glassily stare at the weeping clouds as he blabbers on the meaninglessness of his life.

This is… very alive.

I ought to be glad.

I let him come down at his rhythm, counting the pulses of his wrists as I feel mine numb with the blood circulation slowed down under his hold.

When he's back with a mind, I count to three, then let go. His arms flop back down, on his lap and hands dangling between his tighs. He blows his nose again.

"I'm so pathetic…"

"Yeah sure, and I'm a serial prom queen."

Instead of jabbing back and forth, we get interrupted by a soft mewling. Both of us turn to the door, that's opened slightly to let in Eryza, the pitter-patter of her paws on the stone flooring the only sound for a moment…

As we both stare in revulsion at her jaw, a single line of vomit dripping of it.

Shane puts his head down in shame, not even having the strenght to hide further.

"Sorry."

"Nah, 's okay. She's already trash, anyway."

Eryza edges closer and rapidly tour around our legs- going back to Shane's feet twice, her whiskers tickling his exposed ankles. Purring loudly, she completely ignore my chastizing as I threaten to make her diet periwinkle-based to counter-act her literal potty mouth, and she scampers to do who-knows-what in the rooms.

"Your vibes are rancid, do you hear me?? Rancid, girl!" I call after her. "I swear to Yoba, Shane, your aunt might as well have brought me a raccoon."

Turning back to him, I can see the short-lived humor of the situation was, well, short-lived. I sigh.

It's late. We're both tired. Tomorrow is sunday. It's cool. We've got time.

I don't sit back down right away. First, I put a hand down on the nape of his neck, that slides to the top of his scalp, right where he'd tug. My quota, remember?

He sniffles some, a few teardrops make their way to the planks, unheard. We stay like this for a moment.

He doesn't shake me off, but in the slow tandem his body takes, rocking lightly from back to forth, I can tell it's enough, for now.

I sit back down on my chair.

I lean on the hand I'd put in his dark purple strands before, smelling cedar wood and pine trees. I don't assume. My farm has plenty of those to stumble through. And even if he went back to the cliff, another time again. I do that too. With my own cliffs back at not-home, but close. There's a sense, in staring down what couldn't take you.

Like visiting a scene crime that you've narrowly escaped from. And pride too. And the thrill of asking- "what if again? What if this time?"- and okay, I can see why it'd be worrying to have him go there a thrice time on his own late in the evening.

But last time was fine, the one before was made fine, and he might need a bitch for a friend right now, but not a watchdog.

His forehead is back against the table.

Three fingers massage my temple. I don't know how much he'll even remember tomorrow, but it's worth the try, always.

"Shane, dude, look at me." He doesn't.

"Dude."

Still doesn't budge. I knock the wood lightly.

"Yo, punk, my eyes are up here." I joke.

He snorts, or maybe he sniffles, and his chin's now resting on the table, peering through the forgotten drinks to watch me. His hands are hidden, probably still clutching his midsection. If I went on a rollercoaster toasted, I'd probably look the exact same.

"I told you before that you literally couldn't be a burden."

He snorts for sure this time, derisive. I knock wood again. "Don't look away from me when I talk, young man. Rude ass punk."

"Bitch." He throws.

"Bitch bastard man." I send back. "Anyways, as I was saying. If I choose you're my dumb of ass to keep around, that's me, that's my decision. You can't burden me if I choose the hard mode package and roll with it. So stop it. I literally told you before, it's not about you not making efforts or burdening people, it's about people who want to deal with you, out of free will."

"Freaky."

"Oh shut up, you dramatic himbo wannabe."

"A what now?"

"Internet slang. Gotta admit you're closer to a dad bod type, but the energy's here, according to many."

He shuffles, self-conscious. "Y'don't need to remind me…"

"Oh hush you, you're perfectly fine. And Elliott would eat his dumb little lobster and pomegranate toasts off that belly if you'd grow out of your own shell and let him."

He sputters unintelligibly, red as a fecking pepper. Good. Flustered is better than self-depreciating.

But now he's pulled on his hood and the strings all the way out, and resumes to chanting me to fuck off, so that might be a good call for a break.

"I'm gonna change and clean up, you need anything? Do you think you'll go back to the ranch, or stay here for the night?" It's happened before, but you can count them on the fingers of one hand.

A long silence follows and I allow myself a quick look in the mirror. Yeah, we're skipping a shower tonight, but the simple hairbrush will not do. I look like a bird's nest that the birds fought in to know who'd keep the children when bird 2 takes off and bird 1 is left to mourn the empty space that'll never fill up the same again and the good times that won't be- wow, trauma lane much, not now, cowpal. First we buckle up our current rodeo. I walk back to the main room, now pajama-clad.

"I've got the beds for the possible kids up there, don't ask me why Robin put so many there, we're two people in a house, and I can lend you a Tee if you want."

He's anxious, chewing his thumb. "Emily won't mind?"

"She's out, sleeping at Haley's tonight. Girls' night and sisters catching up. It's important for her energy flow and karmic balance. Plus, you know she wouldn't mind, she likes you."

That makes him blush more, covering up the alcohol damage enough. I take note, but don't comment. Things for later. They pile up tonight.

"I- I can't go back to the ranch like this."

"You could. Marnie knows better than act as if you're doing this for fun, now. She'd have to understand. But you don't have to." I reassure him when agitated pupils jump up to me. Let's keep that ongoing panic attack at bay. "Either way, I won't mind."

I sit back. Stretch my arms between us. Catch his worrying hands into mine. Give him a squeeze. Tense appendages don't squeeze back, but don't pull back either. That's half a win. He stops torturing the poor things, and unfold with visible effort, like a crumpled up paper flower put on water. His head shakes, and I can't tell if it's conscious, him speaking with himself or trying to shake off a thought, or just a reflex. He visibly forces his shoulders to relax.

"I'm… not bothering you?" Righteous. Seeking vocal positive reinforcement, like a pro.

"Nope." I pop out the 'p'.

"... I think I'll, uh, stay for tonight."

My hands shoot into the air. "Woo! Sleepover, baby!"

I don't catch his hands curling back on themselves, trying to capture that leftover warmth in the late summer night.

--- to be continued.

#panic attack cw #emetophobia cw #alcohol cw #suicide cw #stardew valley shane #stardew valley farmer #sdv shane #sdv farmer #☆writing☆#1!Dow Farm #Farmer Uidelsib #♧Shane

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seniorbrief · 6 years ago

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37 Hilarious Phrases Parents Say to Avoid Cursing in Front of Kids

Dean Drobot/Shutterstock

“Mrs. Andersen? We need to talk about your son’s new favorite word.” I��ll never forget that phone call from the preschool teacher of my adorable, cherub-cheeked four-year-old. Like many kids his age, my son had discovered a fun new word and wanted to use it all the time—and the fact that it got a major reaction from all the adults around him made it just that much better. The word? Motherf*****.

The day prior, I’d been bending over to tie his shoe when his older brother threw open the front door, nailing me right between the eyes with the metal doorknob. I’m not much of a curser but there’s nothing like pain so searing that you see stars (literally) to make a mom lose her, um, shiznits. I let out a string of curse words that would make a sailor blush. And of course, my kiddo remembered the best one.

When he got home that day, we had to have a long talk about appropriate language and I learned as much of a lesson as he did. If you don’t want to hear your toddler call their friend a “d*****bag” then you’d better not say it in front of him. As a parent, your creativity is one of your best skills—and we don’t just mean with Play-Doh. Here are some of our favorite swear-substitutes real parents use.

1. “My curse words come out sounding like a mix of Yosemite Sam, the Swedish Chef, and (before we knew what a horrible person he truly is) Bill Cosby, along the lines of Flootin’ frappin’ shligmen durnkin!” ��Ted Williams

2. “I will call someone a ‘Richard’ as shorthand for ‘d*ck.’ My twins and several adult friends actually think my boss’s real name is Richard.” —Tracey Having a “creative vocabulary” is one of the 11 surprising signs you’ll make a great parent someday.

3. “The other day I dropped something in the kitchen and, because I could see my son watching me, I exclaimed, ‘Ugh, fork me!’. He thought it was so silly; I was glad it was safe.” —Kylie Larson

4. “Once, when I was opening a fizzy drink, it sprayed purple juice all over the bench top, the floor, the ceiling, and my clothes. ‘F…’ I started to say until I felt three sets of little eyes staring at me. I immediately changed it to ‘F… or coughs and colds take medicine!’ It was so funny that now we just use ‘for coughs and colds’ to express frustration.” —Nate Hamon

5. “Shut the f*** up used to be a part of my pre-kids vocabulary but now it’s ‘shut the front door!‘ which is way funnier anyhow.” —Amber Graves (Here’s why kids behave so much worse at home.)

6. “During the Great Lice Outbreak of 2015 (from which our household will forever be scarred), I discovered my new favorite phrase ‘holy cannoli!’ It replaced holy sh*t whenever I found another bug and it’s even better because it rhymes.” —Maryrose DeGroot

7. “My son once told friends from church that ‘my daddy says the F-word all the time at home.’ I had to quickly explain that I say ‘fart’ instead, and that’s what we call ‘the F word’!” —Tor Bailey

8. “‘The classic ‘fudge!‘ is my go-to for anything from stubbed toes, to an eggshell in the omelet, to a realization that I posted a comment on social media with a spelling mistake.” —Nate Hamon

9. “I’m from Minnesota and for whatever reason parents here always say ‘Uff da!’ I’m not sure if it’s from our Norwegian roots or even what word exactly it’s supposed to replace, but it always makes me smile.” —Kim DeBerge

10. “The c-word is the curse word I hate the most but if I ever have to say it, I spell it out with ‘see you next Tuesday.’ Adults know what I mean and young kids don’t even pick up it’s a bad word.” —Alison Hill (Have you read these hilarious texts gone wrong, from parents?

11. “As a foster mom, I’ve had quite a few kids that come with serious potty mouths, so I have a lot of practice with fake cursing. The one I probably use the most is ‘friggin!’ which I don’t love but it’s better than the real thing.” —Lisa Gunn

12. “Oh shnuck! It gets my kids laughing every time—mostly because it comes out like oh shhhhhhhhhnuck!” —Emily Tessman

13. “‘Fart knocker‘ is the one I use as a direct cuss at the kids. As in, ‘Stop fighting you little fart knockers!’ For emphasis, I’ll add frickin’. ‘Stop fighting you frickin’ little fart knockers!’” —Nate Hamon

14. “When I slammed my finger in the door, I yelled out ‘son of a… nutcracker!‘ Another favorite for when I hurt myself is ‘cheese and rice!‘” —Casey Wetjen

15. “I like to yell ‘shoot a monkey!’ when I drop things, break something, forget something. I have no idea where that came from but it works!” —Presley Salmon

16. “‘Shiitake mushrooms!‘ is apparently my go-to swear for when I’m in pain. Like, I’ve sliced my shin open on the dishwasher twice and both times I end up yelling about produce? We all know what word I was really thinking!” —Presley Salmon

17. “I like to say ‘well butter my bum!’ and ‘son of a biscuit!‘ I guess I like food curses!” —Jeni Svestka (Polite language is just one of the 17 forgotten manners parents should be teaching their children.)

18. “Clusterfluff. It has almost all the satisfaction of saying the original but it’s way more kid-friendly.” —Anda Teverzczuk

19. “I started out by using ‘hells bells‘ a lot and somehow it morphed into ‘hells bells and cockle shells’ which my kids mistakenly heard as ‘hells bells and taco shells‘ and so now I just yell ‘taco shells.’ Yep, it’s like playing ‘telephone’ but with cursing.” —Carlie Pehrson

20. “Sometimes I say ‘sugar dumplings‘ but, let’s be honest, I just straight up curse most of the time.” —Cheri Gould

21. “Some parents are so creative! In the heat of the moment, all I can think of is ‘curses!‘ Because I’m original like that.” —Shanae Briggs

22. “I go full-on sound effects. Like I say, ‘Are you (beep noise) kidding me?’ so that the part that is censored can be filled in by whatever curse word the listener imagines.” —Tor Bailey

23. “I say ‘shoot the dog!‘ when something goes unexpectedly wrong, like a house project or when the dryer breaks. Ironically, I only use it when I’m in a good mood.” —Rosalie Davis (Want more? Check out these 11 parents quotes that will have you dying with laughter.)

24. “My family loves to bowl and whenever I throw a gutter ball everyone waits for me to yell ‘the F-word.’ However, my ‘f-word’ is ‘fooey!’ Or is it ‘phooey?’ but that doesn’t start with F. Whatever, my curse word, my spelling!” —Shirley Jamiel

25. “Instead of ‘what the f***, I say, ‘What the monkey?’ It works even better because it’s so random it usually diffuses the situation.” —Tor Bailey

26. “I’m a big curser but when I don’t drop a real f-bomb, I go with ‘frack.‘ It works and there’s the potential for some interesting environmental conversations.” —Sarah Barak (Know a funny parent? Here are 17 of the best compliments you can give a parent.)

27. “My mother’s favorite swear word when I was growing up was ‘Christopher Columbus!‘ I didn’t realize how funny that was until I became a parent myself and said it.” —Janet Elise

28. “I say ‘darn‘ a lot. So when we moved to a new city and I got lost trying to figure out the GPS directions, I’d yell ‘darn!’ every few seconds. It got so much that my oldest just assumed that yelling ‘darn’ was just a part of driving, like turning on the blinker.” —Rosalie Davis

29. “I normally swear like a sailor. But there are some moments when even four-letter words aren’t enough to express my feelings. In those cases, ironically, I yell ‘ALL THE SWEARS!’. Which doesn’t technically have any curse words in it at all!” —Marste McDonald

30. “A colleague and I were brainstorming ideas for curse words you could say in front of her young kids at home. ‘Shootskis‘ was a favorite. So was ‘fahrfegnugen.’ The best part was though is everyone started saying them in the office too!” —Lara Wiz

31. “‘Sugar Honey Ice Tea!‘ is my favorite because it’s cute for kids but adults can quickly figure out it’s an acronym!” —Anne Poirier

32. “At three feet tall, my youngest is the perfect height to nail my very patient husband right in his tender parts. He yells ‘sunny beaches!’ or ‘fudgenuts!‘. Depending on how hard the hit was, there might be some real ones mixed in too!” —Marianne Farquhar

33. “My husband and I have four daughters so ‘oh my hell…o kitty‘ has come out of our mouths more than once!” —Nicole Westenskow

34. “‘Mother trucker!‘ is my favorite kid-safe curse word to use around my two young daughters.” —Jennie Berglund

35. “My grandmother used to say ‘god d*mnit’ quite frequently, until the grandkids came along. I grew up hearing her yell ‘God… bless America!‘ I always wondered why she sounded so angry about America.” —Adrianne McMahon

36. “I almost don’t want to admit I actually say this but here goes. ‘Oh my freakin’ heck!‘” —Kacy Moller

37. “If I want to curse and don’t want my kids to hear it, I just swear in German. ‘Schiesse‘ is my favorite. It means sh*t but sounds so much nicer!” —Jill Fairchild

And if you find you can’t stop cursing, don’t sweat it. Turns out swearing is one of the weird habits that means your smarter than everyone else.

Original Source -> 37 Hilarious Phrases Parents Say to Avoid Cursing in Front of Kids

source https://www.seniorbrief.com/37-hilarious-phrases-parents-say-to-avoid-cursing-in-front-of-kids/

#seniorbrief #seniors

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sequinsmile-x · 4 years ago

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His Girls

For my dear friend @sweetsecretskeptinside , who loves the idea of Aaron being a girl dad probably more than I do. Part of the Full House series Rating: Mature (for the tiniest bit of spice, but mostly because Emily has a potty mouth)

Trigger Warning: mentions of people throwing up/being sick Read over on a03, or below the cut

“I should cancel.” She says, nervously biting her lip as she readjusted their daughter on her hip. “I don’t think it’s a good idea if I go.”

Ivy was unwell, a cold making their usually happy baby very cranky. Emily was standing by their front door, dressed in a knee length red dress, her hair curled to perfection and her make up painstakingly applied. She looked beautiful, as she always did, but on edge. She had Ivy curled in her arms, the 9 month old practically trying to crawl under her skin as she clambered to get impossibly closer to her mother.

Aaron was usually the favourite, the one Ivy would seek out at any given moment, but as soon as she was sick she was all about Emily. Demanding her mother’s embrace and attention.

“Em, love, it’s your bachelorette party.” He says, trying to reason with her. “If you don’t go it’s kind of pointless.”

“But she’s sick.” Emily rocks Ivy, gently patting her back at the same time to try and soothe the rattle in her chest. Each cough that came from her daughter made Emily’s heart constrict. “She needs me.”

Aaron closes the gap between them then pulls his fiancee and daughter into his arms. “She does, but I’ll be here.” He soothes, pressing a kiss to Emily’s temple. “And you need to go out with your friends, when was the last time you did that?”

He knew the answer was long before Ivy was born, her reluctance to go to bars with Penelope and JJ whilst pregnant born out of being the designated driver, and having to ignore many questions about her sex life with Aaron. He still remembers her coming home one night when she was 5 months pregnant, frustrated to the point of tears over how different things were.

He also knew that some of her hesitance to go out now was that this was the first time she was willingly spending a night away from their daughter. Emily had gone back to work months ago, when Ivy was 4 months old, so had been away on several cases since then, but she’d turned down many requests from Penelope for girls' nights in the interim. Wanting to spend as much time with Ivy as she could when she didn’t need to be away.

Aaron loves her for it, how much she adores their daughter. She was exactly the mother he always knew she would be, the one he assured her she was when she struggled to believe she could do it during her pregnancy and the hard early days of motherhood. But he knew she needed some of her old self back, to remind herself of who she was outside of the BAU and their home. So despite how much he selfishly wanted her to stay home, how he knew Ivy would settle easier with her there, and how he struggled to sleep without Emily next to him, he was encouraging her to go out.

Emily sighs. “A long time ago.” She runs her hand up and down Ivy’s back again, who now had her face pressed into Emily’s neck.

“We’ll be fine here.” Aaron says, gently easing the baby into his own arms. “She’ll go to sleep soon anyway, and then Jack and I will watch a movie.”

Her hands twitch to reach out for Ivy when the little girl starts to cry again, but the doorbell rings before she can talk anymore about cancelling her night out. Emily sighs as she turns to open the door, a fake smile plastered on her face as Penelope enthusiastically greets her, pulling her into a hug.

Ivy cries, drawing the attention back to her. Emily is by Aaron’s side immediately, her hand on her daughter's back. She kisses her hair, soothing her with gentle words.

Aaron and Penelope exchange a quick look whilst Emily kisses the back of Ivy’s head, and an understanding passes between them before Emily can change her mind again about going out.

“Come on.” Penelope says as she links her arm through Emily’s. “The bride-to-be can’t be late to her own bachelorette party.” She tugs Emily towards the door, not really giving her any choice in the matter. “Your adorable mini-me will still be here when you get back.”

Emily throws Aaron a smile over her shoulder as she leaves, watches as he gently bounces a still cranky Ivy. “Call me if you need me to come home.”

“Have fun, sweetheart.” He says as the door closes behind them, unable to resist smiling when he could still hear Penelope’s enthusiastic voice as they walked away from the house. He looks down to Ivy in his arms, and rubs her back when she coughs again. “Why don’t we go see what your brother is up to?”

Ivy promptly throws up on him and he sighs.

It was going to be a long night. ______________________

Aaron is surprised when JJ brings Emily home only three hours later. When he opens the front door and sees her leaning against their friend, a giggle on her lips and a very hazy look in her eyes, he realises this might be the drunkest he’s ever seen her.

“Is she ok?” He asks, not quite covering the panic in his voice as he takes her from JJ, who made sure Emily was fully leaning against him before she let go.

“She got really drunk, really fast.” JJ explains, a sheepish look on her face. “The same thing happened to me my first night out after I had Henry.”

Realisation dawns on him, a memory of Haley getting absolutely wasted her first night out with her friends after she had Jack. Her tolerance changed, but her expectations of her ability to drink wine like it was going out of fashion remained the same.

Emily could drink like no one he had ever met. He attributed it to her growing up in Europe. Wine and hard liquor were her drinks of choice as a teenager, as opposed to the wine coolers and beer she was more likely to have drunk if she had been in the US. He could smell absinthe on her breath, and he wondered if they’d even bothered to eat anything before they went straight into the heavy drinking.

“Thanks for bringing her home, JJ.”

JJ nods at him, and mercifully ignores it when Emily clearly palms the front of his jeans. She always had been a handsy drunk. He thanks JJ again before closing the door, and he thinks logistically about how he was going to get Emily upstairs.

“You’re very handsome.” She slurs into his cheek, hand moving round to his back pocket, slipping in and grabbing a handful of his ass. “So pretty.”

Aaron stifles a laugh, knowing when he tells her about this in the morning she’ll be embarrassed. “Ok, sweetheart.”

She somehow stumbles on the spot and he knows he has no choice but to carry her. He wraps an arm around her back and places one under her thighs, lifting her into his arms. As soon as she is leaning against his chest she loops an arm around his neck, sleepiness taking her almost instantly.

He gets her into bed managing to change her into one of his t-shirts and get her shoes off, tucking her in. When he gets in next to her she rolls towards the edge of the bed. “Need to check on Ivy.”

“Not now, sweetheart.” He laughs pulling her back towards him. “She’s sleeping, just like need to.”

“I need you.”

He kisses the top of her head. “I’m right here.” ______________________

He suddenly wakes up at 1.30am and at first he’s not sure what’s woken him. Aaron sits up in bed and quickly realises it’s empty next to him. He hears retching coming from the ensuite and is out of bed quickly.

He finds her kneeling on the bathroom floor, just flushing the toilet as she sits back, groaning as she turns back to look at him. He sits on the floor behind her and rubs her back. “Oh, sweetheart.”

“I used to be able to drink more than this.” She laments, all but crawling the small distance from where she’d been laying on the bathroom floor into his lap, curling up into him like a cat. “I cannot remember the last time I got sick. I think I was a teenager.”

Aaron smiled to himself as he stroked her hair. She wasn’t wrong, she could usually drink the entire BAU under the table. Derek never learnt, always daring her to drinking challenges he would inevitably lose. The worst Emily ever got was a hangover, a headache that made her head feel like it was going to explode as she begged him to stay in bed with her. He’d never seen her get sick with it before.

“Sweetheart, you had a baby 9 months ago. And you only just stopped nursing her. Your tolerance has probably changed.”

She groans and presses her face into his thigh, curling tighter into his lap. “So what you’re saying is this is our sweet little girl's fault?”

He laughs at that. “No, what I’m saying is that you probably shouldn’t have gone straight for the absinthe.”

He feels her gag at the mention of alcohol and stops himself from laughing, knowing she would kill him for it even in her inebriated state. “Hindsight is a wonderful thing, Aaron.”

Aaron is about to ask her if she is fine to go back to bed when she wrenches herself from his lap, head bent over the toilet bowl again as she throws up again. He holds her hair with one hand and gently rubs her back between her shoulders. “You’re okay, Em.”

She groans, pulling back and leaning against him.

“You done?” He asks gently, hand still rubbing circles on her back. Her answer is a nod, and he flushes the toilet. He gets on his knees to reach for a washcloth off the counter, and he runs it under the tap before sitting back down next to her.

She apologises again as he washes her face gently with a washcloth, wiping away tears and vomit as she murmurs threats towards Penelope that he knows she would never carry out.

“You’re ok, love.” He soothes, pulling her hair back into a ponytail with a hair tie he had found on the floor.

“I’m a mess.” She laments, leaning against him. “I don’t know why you want to marry me.”

“Because I treasure you.” He replies, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Besides this isn’t that different from when you were pregnant with Ivy, except this time I can make it better.”

“You make everything better.” She mumbles into his neck, finally sounding sleepy. Aaron smiles and kisses the top of her head.

“Do you think you can make it to bed?”

She shakes her head against him. “No.” She swallows, grimacing at the taste in her mouth. “You can go though.”

He scoffs. “Like I’m going to leave you on the bathroom floor alone.” Aaron kisses her forehead. “I’ll be right back.” He leaves the bathroom and grabs a couple of pillows from their bed as well as the comforter.

He sits back down on the floor, and settles with his back to the bath, a pillow between him and the hard surface. He pulls her to his side so she can lay on him, a pillow on his thigh for her to rest her head on. When she’s settled against him he places the comforter over her.

“I’m sorry.” She apologies again, words slurring due to her sleepy state and the alcohol in her system.

“Stop apologising.” He replies, cupping the back of her head. “I love you, part of that is looking after you when you’re sick.”

“Even when it’s self-inflicted?”

“Especially then.” He soothes. “It’s just another way you and Ivy are similar.” He jokes. “I’ve had both of you throw up on me tonight.”

She lifts her head, too quickly if the groan that followed was any indication, and looks at him with concern laced through her features. “She was sick? You should have called.”

“Em.” He placates, lowering her head back down into his lap, scratching his blunt fingernails over her scalp. “She is fine, she just coughed a little too much that's all. It was only once.” He continues the way he’s scratching her head, knowing it never fails to lull her to sleep. “Now try and get some rest, baby. I’ll be here if you need me.”

She sleeps for two hours against him, and when it becomes clear she will sleep through what is left of the night he gently removes himself from under her. Despite a slight protest in his back he picks her up off the floor, gathering her into his arms so he can settle her into their bed. She doesn’t wake at all, a true sign of just how much she must have drunk. He places the comforter back over her and puts an empty trash can on the floor on her side of the bed.

Aaron slips into bed next to her and falls asleep as quickly, the warmth of her body providing comfort he could never find elsewhere. ______________________

Emily wakes up in the morning feeling awful. Aaron is not in bed next to her, but there is a glass of water on the nightstand along with some painkillers. She quickly takes them, carefully sipping the water as she does so, her stomach still unsettled.

She gets in the shower, washes away the lingering stench of liquor she swears she can smell on her skin. And she brushes her teeth to get rid of the awful taste in her mouth.

When she gets downstairs no one is in the house. She grabs her cell phone off of the kitchen counter, not even sure how it got there in the first place, and is about to call Aaron when the front door opens.

Aaron walks in, Ivy’s car seat in one hand and a McDonald’s bag in the other. Jack walks in right behind him, another McDonald's bag in his hands and a big smile on his face. As the smell of greasy food gets to her nose she doesn’t think she has ever loved her fiance more.

“You, Aaron Hotchner, are a GOD.” She kisses him before taking the baby carrier from his hand, leaving it to him to sort out whatever food he’d bought. Emily smiles at Ivy as she lifts her out. “Hi sweet girl. I missed you last night.” Ivy coughs against her and Emily frowns at the pitiful sound that comes out of her. “Oh, baby.”

“Em.”

She turns to look at Aaron and can’t help the laugh that escapes her when she sees the pile of hash browns he has bought.

“I love you so much.” She says as she reaches for one. “I can’t wait to marry you.”

“Me or the hashbrowns?” He quips, a wide smile on his face.

Emily bites into the food in question and groans. “It’s about 50/50 right now I’m not going to lie, honey.” ______________________

Ivy cries throughout their entire wedding ceremony. The little girl reaching for her father from Derek’s arms, clearly feeling as if she was missing out on something.

Aaron looks up at his bride, once again taken aback by how beautiful she looked. She gives him a quick nod before looking down to Jack who was standing by Aaron’s side, and she gives the young boy a wink.

Aaron walks over to the front row and takes Ivy from Derek, her tears clearing up almost instantly when she is in her fathers arms. He goes back to the front, apologising to the officiant before looking back at Emily.

“Hi, sweetheart.” Emily whispers to Ivy. “Didn’t want to miss out on the fun, huh?”

They smile widely at each other when they are told they are man and wife, and she leans forward and kisses him, laughing against his lips when Ivy grabs at her. Tiny fingers digging into the lace of her dress at her shoulder. Emily pulls back from her husband and beams at her daughter, taking her into her own arms. She rests Ivy on her hip and kisses Aaron again.

He places his hand on Emily’s cheek, holds her in place despite the good natured jeering from their guests. When he pulls back he keeps his hand on her face, thumb skimming over her cheek bone. He smiles as he looks at them both together, Ivy resting her head on Emily’s shoulder. He wraps his arm around Jack's shoulder and pulls him towards him, and with his whole family within reach he doesn’t think he’s ever been happier. ______________________

Once the festivities at Dave’s have ended they go back to their own house. Jack and Ivy fast asleep by the time they get home, the long day having taken it out of them. Aaron carries in Jack, and Emily takes Ivy, whispering to him that she’d meet him in their room once they’d settled the kids down.

Aaron pulls Jack’s bedroom door closed behind him and smiles when he sees light still filtering out from under the door to Ivy’s nursery. He walks in and his smile widens when he sees Emily pacing the room, still in her wedding dress, their daughter fast asleep in her arms as she speaks to her in both English and French.

“My girls.” He whispers, and it draws Emily’s attention to him, a beautiful smile on her face and a flush to her cheeks as she sees him.

“She started to wake up when I went to put her down.” Emily explains, tilting her head back to look at the baby against her chest. “Although she seems to be out now.”

“I’ll take her.” He says, reaching his arms out and gently taking Ivy, both relieved when she stays asleep. “You go to bed, love. I’ll meet you there.”

“Okay.” She kisses Ivy’s head. “Goodnight, baby.” ______________________

He helps her unbutton her dress, the tiny buttons down her back almost too small for his hands to undo. She sighs as his hand traces up her spine, loosening the dress over her shoulders. Aaron doesn’t miss how she yawns as she steps out of it, the lingerie underneath the dress briefly distracting him.

She leans back into him, smiling as he wraps his arms around her. “Hi, husband.”

Aaron kisses her temple, his smile wide against her skin. “Hi, wife.” He’s about to trail his hand down her belly, run his fingers over the lace of what she is wearing, but she yawns again and his decision is made.

He shrugs off his jacket and then his shirt, settling the shirt over her shoulders. He turns her around and does up a couple of the buttons before kissing her. When he pulls back he rests his forehead against hers. “Let's get into bed.”

Emily climbs into bed and he follows after stripping off the rest of his clothes. Aaron pulls her towards him, settling her tightly against him.

“Shouldn’t we fuck or something?” She asks, pressing her face into his neck. “It is our wedding night.”

Aaron laughs and grabs her leg, resting it over his waist. He runs his fingers up and down her thigh. “You’re tired, Em. It’s been a long day and you need sleep. We have forever for everything else.”

She hums, sleep already overtaking her. “What did I do to deserve you?”

He kisses her forehead, and gives the only answer he has for her. “You’re you.”

#hotchniss #hotchniss fan fic #hotchniss fanfiction #sickfic #domestic fluff #i just love them happy #so here is something where they are happy #aaron hotchner #emily prentiss #aaron hotchner x emily prentiss #likes its so fluffy

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