#//or at least one they wrote down ages ago from somewhere else lmao | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

nymphigeon · 4 years ago

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Someone you love(d) || KTH

• Pairing: Taehyung x Reader(f)

• Genre: break up au, angst with a happy ending, fluff? (just a lil' bit at the end :))

• Rating: PG

• Words: 7.2k

• Warnings: swearing, mention of weight, they kiss like once, if you don't like cheesy things....skip this one lmao

• Summary: You thought he loved you, you really did, but the way he left told you something else.

Or alternatively;

Taehyung is an emotionally constipated idiot who doesn't know how to deal with his feelings.

• A/N: Okay it took me waaay too long to write this, I'm so sorry T_T I really wanted to get this out earlier, but well things happened....

I only proofread this like once and had some trouble getting everything into the post properly so I'm sorry if there are any mistakes! Please let me know if you find any so I can fix them asap.

Thank you for the request @mytaetaey! I hope it matches your expectations!!!

It honestly hasn't even been that long since the day he showed up at my house.

"Let’s break up."

Although I really wouldn't be able to tell you how much time had truly passed.

"W-wait why?"

Days felt like weeks, weeks felt like months. Everything just seemed to last a lot longer than it should have.

"Did I do something wrong? I-I can fix it, just tell me!"

It might have happened last week, or the week before that. Wasn't it three weeks ago?

"No, no you didn't do anything wrong y/n. I'm sorry this just isn't working out."

Bottom line is, the passing of time hasn't really been on my mind. Any day without him is a day lost, a day to forget about.

"What do you mean this isn’t working out? I thought we were doing well together..."

I remember the confusion that went through me. All of a sudden the four years we spent together seemed to have disappeared.

“You thought wrong.”

He had been acting weird for a while, never quite getting close to telling me what was going through his mind. I hadn’t anticipated it ever ending like this though.

“Not everything you believe is a fact.”

The years I had to get to know him ended too soon. They went by so fast, they might as well have been non-existent.

"I... why? I don’t understand…

This all came too sudden. Just a few days before he had been laying on my bed, smiling as I told him about my day.

"I just don't feel the same anymore."

I just needed a little more time. A little more time to adore him. A little more time to say goodbye.

"I don't love you anymore."

But I still did do. He didn’t seem to care though. After he took care of me for a while, he decided I’m not worth it. Not even as someone who he just passes by.

"It's best if we don't see each other anymore."

If you cherish what you have you'll never be left unsatisfied.

"Goodbye."

I did. And it broke me.

“Y/n? Helloooo?”

My daydreams get interrupted by a waving hand in front of my face, followed by a harsh flick against my forehead.

“Ouch! Mina that was too hard!” Both my hands shoot up to the stinging spot between my eyes, one to prevent the evil hand from handing out another flick, the other one to rub at the red spot forming.

“Class ended a few minutes ago, you should probably pack up. Really, did you just stare off into space for the entire class?” Spotting my close to empty notebook, Mina sighs and shakes her head. She’s trying to look disappointed, but under the scolding exterior she’s putting on, there is a hint of pity.

It’s not the first time this week that not a single word has made it into my notes. Each time again the pages are either filled with lazy doodles and meaningless scribbles, or a space of absolute nothingness, not even a drop of ink staining the white paper.

“I’m sorry, I really did try to pay attention, but you know I hate his classes with a passion.” We both know that’s not the reason for my absentness, and neither of us speaks up about it. It’s what I requested myself, not being able to cope with the sadness I was causing my friends to feel. They care too much, I don’t want to burden them for too long.

“I know sweetheart, you did do your best. I’ll send my notes later, if you want I’ll help you understand them too.” Though no matter how hard I try, I still rely on them. They keep convincing me to, their kind souls not being able to leave me alone. ��If you could I’d really appreciate it.”

A sweet smile appears on Mina’s lips as I accept her offer, being more than happy to help me. She has always been the type to give more than she received, and despite me believing she deserves more than she gets, I adore her for it. “Of course, any time.”

I finish packing my belongings into my backpack, first making sure I didn’t leave anything behind before leaving the classroom with Mina close to my side. She talks about everything and nothing as we roam the spacious hallways filled with tired looking students. I wouldn’t be surprised if more than half of them slept until the end of their lectures.

Most of Mina’s words fall on deaf ears as I think back to the thoughts that occupied my mind the entire time my teacher was trying to explain the principle of quantum mechanics. I wouldn’t have understood it regardless of whether I was paying attention or not by the way.

“Ah you don’t have any more classes today, do you?” An unannounced weight falls on my left side as Mina whines into my shoulder, effectively bringing me back down to earth. Some brabbles about life being unfair escape the muffled sounds she produces, clearly not looking forward to the rest of her day.

“I’m going to be so lonely, me and Daeun aren’t allowed to sit next to each other anymore.” Mina raises her head to catch some air, her hands still clinging to the fabric of my shirt. The scowl on her face isn’t hard to miss, as she isn’t doing much to hide it.

“I was just going to head home straight away.” On any other day I would’ve probably teased her, wishing her good luck while I go and enjoy the free life. Today however, I don’t. My face stays in it’s boring resting position, even as Mina waits for the non-existent twist at the end.

It doesn’t take long before she finally sees I’m not poking fun at her. The moment of realization is clear, her whiny expression disappearing and her hands falling back to her sides. “Oh.”

“Well since it’s Friday how about I come hang out at your place when I’m done here? I’ll drag Daeun along with me too.” Mina’s voice is unsure, scared that I’ll reject her offer. A thick tension hangs in the air as we both wait for my reply.

I want to be alone. I want to be able to overthink in peace without others insisting that my mind is wrong. Though on the other side, I do know that I’ve been pushing them away. All the more reason for them to worry about me.

“Yeah sure.” I manage to convince myself to decide on the option I’d like the least. Somewhere I may be hoping that I’ve been missing out on a distraction I needed. I will never know until I experience it.

“Great! I’ll bring snacks too, let’s make it a movie night!” And off she goes, not waiting for any kind of confirmation from my side. Most likely it’s a way to keep me from refusing, forcing me into a situation that’s best for me, according to her.

I might not be looking forward to the events to come, but even I can’t deny the dull blossoming of my heart. The corners of my lips tug up, together with a hand to wave the girl off.

Yeah, perhaps, just maybe, I’m excited to spend some time with them.

I wasted a lot of time trying to figure out what’s wrong with me. Did I gain too much weight? Did I not text him enough? Was I going down the wrong path?

No matter what I wrote down, which new question I thought of, it didn’t seem right. Crumpled up paper balls and clothes littering the apartment show of the frustration occupying my mind.

No aspect of me changed for the worse. I’m still the same healthy weight, we texted almost every day, and I’m running up the path to a successful career. There is nothing wrong with me, so why am I blaming myself so heavily?

Because for some reason I believe that if I had done things differently the outcome would have been better. Because maybe he would’ve changed his mind if I reacted differently. Because it could never be him who was in the wrong.

A knock on the door and the pen I had been holding drops. Focussing on the paper in front of me once more, the harsh worded sentences ending in large written question marks stand out. I’m yearning for answers to questions I don’t even understand myself and it’s terrifying.

Three knocks on the door this time and I’m up, quickly discarding all the papers littering around. Some I tear to pieces, making sure none of the written sentences are visible anymore, others simply get hidden.

The door creaks as it opens, broadcasting it’s old age to the world. I should probably replace it sometime before someone decides to break in. Not that there’s anything worth taking here, I am a student after all.

“Hey dea- Oh no you look horrible.” A slight gasp interrupts Daeun’s cheery greeting when she notices the birds nest that is my hair. After having acted out all my annoyance on the poor strands, they’ve taken to each other for comfort, gladly intertwining. To my dismay, of course.

“I feel horrible. Come in.” The chuckle meant to lighten the statement doesn’t do it’s job properly. Both don’t say anything more as they enter the tiny apartment I call home, but they might as well have been screaming ‘I feel sorry for you.’” If they won’t do it, their faces definitely will.

“I won’t let any of you chose a movie tonight, I’ve got way too many good ideas.” Mina drops the overfilled bags she was holding on the dinner table while she talks. From the few items that stick out it’s safe to deduce that they’re filled with snacks to the brim.

“Also I was thinking we could order some pizza for dinner. All on me, I just got payed.” Like she owns the place, Mina reaches for several bowls high up in the cupboards of the kitchen. “We’ll use these tonight..” She says it more so to herself than to anyone else, not bothering to ask me anything. Not that it was really needed, I would have given her permission anyway.

“How was your day?” Sitting down next to Daeun, who has made herself comfortable on the couch after walking in, I try to start a basic conversation. Even though I’m not particularly in the mood for anything, I decide it’s probably best to try before I ruin the fun.

“You shouldn’t have to pretend that everything is okay, you know.” My question is completely ignored, switched for a statement that sets a heavy atmosphere in the room. The little excitement I had for their visit disappears. Instead, irritation starts taking over.

“Look Daeun, I-”

“I know you don’t want to talk about it, but this is not the way to cope with whatever may be happening inside you right now.” The tone she uses tells me she isn’t about to back out anytime soon. I hate it, hate how she feels like she can tell me what’s best for me.

“If this is what you came here for then I think it’s best that you leave. I’m not playing around here.” I turn away from the both of them, showing my back instead. This was supposed to be a fun evening to get my mind off him. Turns out, it’s the exact opposite.

“She’s right y/n.” It didn’t sound like Mina initially wanted to talk about this. She has always been unsure of when and how to address things, usually rather staying silent. With the right help however, Mina too will spill her words.

“This will always be a part of your life now, no matter how hard you try to erase it, you can’t. I know you’re hurting, and you’re allowed to feel hurt, we just want to help you. We’ll distract you all you like later, but for now, just confide in us please?”

It’s the way I feel both of their eyes burning into my back, the way she isn’t exactly sure how to convey her thoughts, though has the best intentions, the way a gentle hand softly lands on my shoulder. Sooner or later the dam would have broken. Apparently that time has come.

“I gave up so much for that guy! I moved to a more expensive apartment closer to his so we could see each other more, I started working more hours so he wouldn’t need to pay every time we went out together,” I never really got the chance to complain about the negative side to the changes I made, always feeling like it should be worth it, since I did it for him.

“I studied late into the night just so I had time during the day to hang out with him, do you know how much sleep I lost? I couldn’t even go home to my parents regularly anymore, for the distance was too much.”

Not exactly having expected me to rant so much, the two girls seated next to me stare in surprise. Never have I expressed any discomfort with what I was doing, always plastering a smile on my face.

“I don’t even mind that he broke up with me, I mean I do, but he was so cold! I had done my best to keep things going between us and he just gives me an ‘oh I don’t like you anymore’ like it’s common sense. I didn’t even get a thank you for all those years or a sorry for breaking it off! I just wish he’d…”

I take in a deep breath after having forgotten to breathe for the past minute, all the tears I kept in finally making an appearance as my anger get replaced by the same sadness I felt all those days ago.

“I just wished he’d at least given me reassurance I hadn’t been a waste of his time.”

The volume in which I spoke had drastically lowered, coming out in an almost-whisper. All the objects in front of me blurred as a non-stop stream of tears made it’s way out, my cries just mere silent sobs.

The hand resting on my shoulder becomes an arm pulling me into her side, the rough material of her shirt revealing her identity. Daeun doesn’t say anything as her other hand strokes through the strands of my hair, detangling any knots on the way.

For a moment I feel guilty about the tears wetting her shirt. It’s when she pulls me against her a little tighter that the feeling disappears, giving me the opportunity to fully bask in her embrace.

“I’m so sorry sweetheart.” Feeling left out, Mina pats my thigh and breaks the silence. “You worked hard didn’t you? Because you loved him.” I can hear her clothes rustling first, before her arms too wrap around the space Daeun left.

“I still do.” No matter how much I try to forget about him, I can’t seem to do it. He has engraved himself into my mind, forever stuck. If he’d ever leave is a mystery, though for now, it seems impossible.

You know what? Fuck you Kim Taehyung.

“Dude, what do you want for your birthday?” It’s Jungkook who has slammed down my door and completely disturbed my peace.

“Huh? Nothing in particular really.” Despite the rude entrance, I don’t look up from my tv screen, having already gotten used to the lack of announcements before he comes in.

“Didn’t you ask me that already two days ago?” Once again ignoring any form of politeness, the younger one makes grabby hands towards the bag of potato chips laying next to me. I don’t make any move to stop him, knowing very well I can’t win from him in a fight, ever.

“Yeah because I thought maybe you changed your mind. Usually you’re so excited for your birthday, but you just seem so… Unenthusiastic?” There is almost no way to take him seriously when he’s scarfing down my dear food like it’s water. Surely when were out next time I’ll make him get me a new bag.

“Well yeah that’s because…” What exactly was I going to say?

Finally grabbing his full attention, Jungkook puts down the bag of chips and lets himself fall down next to me. “Because?”

There is no mistaking his smirk for a smile, although he does his damn best to hide it. He knows exactly what I was about to say, and I’m not about to admit anything.

“Because I realized it’s nothing to be overly excited about. That’s it.” Challenging Jungkook to prove me wrong I stare right back at him, not planning on chickening out any time soon. It seems to have worked, as he looks away first.

“Ah is that so? I’ll just see if I can find something you’ll like myself in that case.” The boy who has silently admitted defeat removes himself from the couch, moving to his room at the other side of our apartment. “Good luck buddy.”

No longer having to pay attention to him, I rewind the movie I was watching back. That muscle bunny just made me miss the absolute best part.

“So why exactly are you dragging me to town again?”

It’s not too busy today, which should have been a given as it’s a normal weekday. Everyone is either yawning behind a desk or running around in circles depending on their career choices. Compared to them, I’m making the worst possible choice by letting my best friend convince me to skip class for a reason I wasn’t even familiar with.

“I’m having none of this ‘I don’t care what you get me’ nonsense. We’re going to find something you like, and that’s why we’re here.” Jimin takes a pause from pulling me along by hand to put both of his on his waist like a proud toddler.

“So in other words, we’re here so I can choose my own birthday gift?” Slowly I begin to understand how much of a waste of my time this is. I could’ve been doing fine trying to understand whatever Mrs. Wilson wanted to go over today, but instead I’m going to be reminded of my ex all day. Great.

Well, if she was still here it wouldn’t have mattered whether I knew what I wanted or not, she always had something great for me, and I always looked forward to it. Once she jokingly told me how she felt pressured, having to live up to my expectations. Though honestly there was nothing for her to live up to, I liked her gifts because she gave them to me. Because she always managed to make each and every birthday a fun one.

“Any ideas yet? Jewellery, clothes, games… Wait, nothing too expensive, I’ll go broke!” Jimin’s sudden panic manages to bubble up a chuckle in me. He doesn’t really seem to appreciate it though, as he scowls at the sound. “What? Your taste is too expensive!”

He knows me well it seems. Not that it was ever a real secret. When the contents of your closet is worth more than someone’s rent several times anybody would want to show that off right? Well so do I.

We walk into several stores for inspiration. No real shopping haul, just a quick in and out with Jimin trying to get a reaction out of me by stuffing things he thinks I like into my face. So far no real success, my only reaction being something along the lines of ‘ah yes that looks nice’ at everything he proposes.

It’s not like I’m purposefully trying not to find something I truly like, but more that honestly nothing catches my interest. And I promise it’s not even the price, some of my most prized possessions are the cheapest things I own. This just isn’t doing it for me.

After having been pulled into the what feels like the hundredth store, my stomach decides to make the loudest noise known to mankind. “Can we like, maybe take a break?” There is no doubt that my face is bright red at this moment, instantly heating up when Jimin laughs equally as loud.

“If you were hungry you should’ve just said so. Let’s go find something to eat.” Is probably the only sentence he said today that I’ve fully agreed on.

It sounded so easy, just find somewhere to buy food. Unfortunately, getting our tummies filled wasn’t written in our future so soon. No matter where we look, everything is either closed or completely full with customers. Who knew so many other people were hungry at this moment. Not like it’s close to dinner time or anything.

Eventually, I manage to convince Jimin to eat at a small fancy restaurant down the street on my expense. Despite him agreeing after a few attempts, a set pout is still present on his face, which doesn’t seem to be leaving anytime soon. Together with some murmurs about how this isn’t fair, he makes himself look incredibly adorable.

Soon however, I would come to regret my decision. The fancy tablecloths and nicely plated food wouldn’t be looking so appealing anymore. Because even if I had convinced my mind of the truth my constant lies hold, there was simply no way for me to convince my heart too.

“Hey isn’t that y/n and… I don’t think I know him.”

The male opposite her had somehow won her over with that stupid perfect smile he wore, his eyes an annoyingly beautiful ocean deep blue and his blonde hair styled in an awfully neat way. Everything about the sight annoys the heck out of me, including the way she was smiling back at him. Why does she look so happy? When was the last time I saw her like that?

“Oh are they… I’m sorry Tae.”

I was the one who broke up with her. I was the one who walked out with a load haven fallen off of my shoulders. I was the one who ran even though she cried. There is no reason for me not to be completely fine.

“I don’t care, she can do whatever she wants now.”

So then why am I the one hurting this much?

It came sooner than expected, my birthday. Just sort of snuck up on me. After the restaurant incident Jimin himself magically decided to end the shopping trip and go home to eat. Nobody ever mentioned my birthday again in the following days.

It was pretty clear that someone had told the others about what happened, although none of them spoke about it. That someone obviously being Jimin.

“Soooo… any plans for the day?”

The question comes from Jungkook, who is fidgeting with the hem of his oversized hoodie. He stands quietly in the doorway to my room, waiting for an answer he already knows.

“Go to class and study after.”

“You’re not going out of the house? No party planned?” The suffocating nervosity radiates off of him in waves, displayed by the still ongoing fidgeting and his eyes that can’t seem to focus on one thing at a time.

“Nope, no other plans.” I sit up in bed, slowly coming to terms with the fact that I won’t be getting any more sleep. Despite him looking like he’s scared I’m going to get mad, he doesn’t actually give up, which isn’t appreciated on my part.

“Well the boys thought we could maybe go out together, get a few drinks.” On any other day besides my birthday I would’ve most likely agreed to the plan. Today however, I can’t help but relate every proposition to my birthday, which I, in case you hadn’t noticed yet, want to forget about as soon as possible.

I had already given him enough opportunities to stop. All it would take was leaving me alone. His constant persistence ends up getting to me, successfully causing me to snap at the younger boy. If he expected an outburst, he’s getting it.

“Why the fuck does everyone expect me to celebrate today? If my birthday is the day on which I can do whatever shit I want then let me do whatever I want!” It wasn’t meant to come out that way, and the guilt sets in the moment I realize it, but I don’t have time to apologize.

“Dude, you seriously need to do something about your feelings for y/n.” He sighs the words as he casually leans against the wall, his arms crossed. In an instant the awkward energy around him disappears, replaced by a very prominent eye roll. It’s not hard to guess that this has been on his mind for a while.

“Don’t mention her. This has nothing to do with her.”

“This has everything to do with her and you know it.”

I don’t have anything to say against that. We both know it’s the truth, though only one of us is trying to deny it. The dumb one.

“You know what I think? You spent your past 6 birthdays with the girl of your dreams and now that you pushed her away you have no idea what to do. Am I right?”

He is. I don’t say anything as my head lowers, slowly realizing there is no hiding anything from him. She’s still on my mind. I still wonder what she’s doing, where she is, if she’s safe. I still care. “You’re right.”

I broke up with who I considered my other half, convincing myself that I didn’t need her anymore. Who exactly was I trying to protect?

“I had to, I’ll hurt her.” I already did.

“And suddenly breaking up with her is supposed to make her happy?” I was hoping it would in the long run.

“You’re not the same as him.” Though I am. The same parents, the same group of friends growing up, the same sense of humour. We got along so well. What if we still do?

“He’s my brother Kook. We were so alike. You know he once too adored her.” We don’t talk anymore, I’m disappointed in him. He would’ve been too. I don’t understand what changed.

“He used her, nobody saw it coming. The signs were there, he just hid them too well.” Jungkook leaves his spot against to wall to comfort me, tucking my head into his neck.

“You’re not him and he isn’t you. The fact that you no longer want to be associated with him proves everything. He didn’t care about Hyeon.” So he can look straight at me, he pushes me away with his hands on my shoulders. The expression on his face tells me he’s serious.

“You love her, and you’ve got to fix this mess.”

I don’t like agreeing with him, but once again, he’s right.

As soon as I open the door I want to slam it right back into his face. Or I might want to run into his arms, I can’t decide yet. Regardless, I wasn’t expecting Taehyung to be standing on the other side when the doorbell went off.

“Umm… Hi?” All the words that have been building up in my personal dictionary seem to disappear the moment I lay my eyes on him. He still looks as good as the last time I saw him, even though the circumstances were heart-breaking.

“Hey, um I’m sorry I showed up unannounced. I didn’t really think this through…” Everything about him screams awkward. From the way his feet are pointed slightly more inwards than normally, to the way he doesn’t seem to be able to smile naturally. Instead there is this weird, tight expression on his face.

“Oh um… Would you like to come in though?” I don’t wait for an answer as I step aside, my memory helping me remind that nine out of ten times the answer to that question is ‘yes’. “Oh yeah, thank you.”

“Do you want anything to drink?” Not really having anything to say I cycle through the set few sentences I usually need when I have someone over. I’m not happy that he’s here, but I’m not the type to lash out at people.

“Ah no, I’m okay. Look I’m just going to get straight to the point, I messed up big time. I got insecure and closed myself off to everyone including you and I’m so fucking sorry that I did.”

My lack of reaction surprises me. Sure, my insides are doing somersaults, but I don’t feel the need to express any of it. Like an unused sheet of paper, my face stays blank. “And now you’re here to win me back I presume?”

Somewhere in between his statement and mine, the tables shifted. Slowly, I’m gaining the confidence he is losing.

“Well, not really, I mean yes, but-”

He catches himself rambling, shutting his mouth before any real nonsense can make it out. Taking a deep breath helps, the words coming out more fluently after. Not a great start, but it’s okay. I have patience. Sometimes.

“I just wanted to let you know that the words I shot at you that day weren’t true. I hurt you and I didn’t want those words to roam your mind not knowing they weren’t even close to what I was feeling.”

The deep breath he drew in earlier escapes in a deep sigh, followed by his mouth opening and closing a few times without any sounds making it out. “And?” It was meant as a way to encourage him to continue. Sadly, it came out rather rude.

“I do still care about you, damn I still love you more every day. If there is anything I can do to make it up to you please let me know, I don’t want to have to live in a world where my last words to you made you cry. Obviously I would want a second chance at being the proper lover you deserve, but you’re in charge here. If you want me to walk out the door I will.”

There’s a hopeful look in his eyes making my heart beat erratically. In the past I would’ve instantly dropped to my knees, making sure every wish of his came true. I am no longer that girl.

“Tae it’s been months, you can’t just suddenly drop by and tell me you’re sorry. I spent days wondering why you broke up with me, wailing over the fact that you suddenly just didn’t care anymore, and even now you’re not giving me an answer. Why did you suddenly turn your back on me? Why did you not talk to me about whatever was bothering you? Even now you’re making me feel like you couldn’t trust me. Fuck, you just left me there like I was a piece of trash!”

What was once a hopeful look in his eyes, turned into defeat. He won’t give me an answer.

“You can’t just come in here exclaiming to love me after I’ve worked so hard to get myself over you. You can’t just come in here trying to steal my heart when I’m learning to give it to somebody else.”

“The blonde haired dude?”

Perhaps I shouldn’t feel a sense of accomplishment at the clear jealousy in his voice. However, this man did break my heart in two for apparently no reason. Is it weird I would want to get back at him a little?

“His name is Yejun and he’s a great guy. Look, just leave please. I have nothing more to say or hear. We’re done.” Turning away from him I mark the end of this conversation. It takes a while before there is any movement behind me. Slow steps make their way to the front door before pausing.

“I hope he treats you well, but I’m not going to simply give up on you like that.”

And secretly, I was hoping he wouldn’t.

Two, three four days, before I realize it it has been an entire week since I last saw him. Some part of me is scared, scared that he has decided otherwise and I will never hear from him again.

I had told myself getting over him would be easy when I finally accepted the help of my friends, and for a while it was. Or so I thought, because the moment he walked in here I was right back to square one.

I’m in the middle of working on a new project when the doorbell rings. Standing up, I go to open the door wondering who it could be. If he had come back for me after all. Too bad I would soon be disappointed, as the man standing in front of my door was just an ordinary mailman.

“Umm I didn’t order anything?” My eyes fall on almost gigantic package behind the man. If I ordered some furniture I would’ve surely remembered right?

“Are you not y/f/n y/l/n?”

“No I am.”

“It clearly has your name and address on it miss.”

The building up confusion hasn’t left my head yet, but knowing there is nothing else I can do I decide to accept the package. After thanking the courier I close the door and carefully carry the big box into my living room.

The moment I open the big thing up, a bunch of big balloons float up to my low ceiling. There’s a transparent one with little hearts bouncing around inside, one that’s just one big heart itself, another one has the words ‘I love you’ written on it in a neat font. If I hadn’t checked my calendar this morning I would’ve thought it was valentine’s day.

Diving deeper into the box I find a relatively big fluffy teddy bear, hugging what seems to be a letter in a white envelope.

‘When I was 16 a miracle happened, I met the most beautiful girl. Me not being able to contain myself I immediately introduced myself to her. She said he name was y/n. I think it was back then that I decided her voice was my favourite. I was too much of a coward to ask her out at the time. I eventually did, though looking back I wish I did so sooner. There was never a boring day with her by my side.’

That’s all there is. Just a few words on an otherwise empty piece of paper. No signature at the bottom, no name, and still I knew exactly who wrote it.

The next day another package came in. This time a different set of balloons, a different stuffed animal, but the exact same white envelope.

‘When I was 22 my brother and his fiancée broke it off. Just like the piece of shit I have to call my dad he betrayed his partner’s trust, cheating on her without a second thought. My mother heard about it and accused both of us as being just like our father. You know after a while, I really started believing her.’

Each day a new box would come in, always containing a present with a letter attached.

‘I was terrified of hurting you, terrified of you seeing me the way my mom did, so I hid everything from you. I should’ve known that I can’t hide anything, you know me too well. I panicked and left you, the biggest mistake I could ever make. One that made everything that was already happening so much worse. I tried telling myself I didn’t need you, but I just couldn’t.’

I believed him, believed in the words he wrote down.

‘I’m so fucking sorry for everything I put you through. It’s all my fault and I’ll spend forever owning up to my mistakes. I love you and I don’t want to live without you. Please just give me one more chance to prove myself to you. One is all I need.’

I’m sorry Yejun, I can’t forget about him after all.

Actually he should be the one who is nervous, and well maybe he is, but I’m the one standing on his front porch with my knees shaking and my heart beating right out of my chest. At one point I was even scared he would be able to hear me through the door.

Shaking my head I gather all the courage I can to knock on his door before I turn around and run back in the direction I came from. However, when I hear the sound of my fist on the hard wood I briefly still consider hiding somewhere.

Luckily I don’t get the chance to. While still going back and forth between the options staying or coming back some other time, the door creaks. I stiffly force my hands to stay still at my sides. The time it takes for the door to actually open seems like an entirety. If you were to count the passing seconds it would at most be like 5, which doesn’t sound like much, it feels like much.

“y/n?” His stance looks like a ‘what are you doing here?’, but his eyes give more of a ‘please say you’re here to forgive me’. Well, the latter would be right. “Can I come in?”

“Y-yeah of course.”

It’s not hard to notice that he is uncertain of his actions. It pleases me on one hand, as it gives me some sort of confirmation that he doesn’t want to make any more mistakes around me. On the other hand, I don’t like seeing him uptight around me. I wish he was more comfortable when I’m near.

“I received the letters you wrote.” He knows I received his letters, he was the one who wrote them and sent them out. Surprisingly though, he almost audibly swallows at the information like he did something bad.

“Why couldn’t you tell me in person?” It takes me back to the day he suddenly landed on my doorstep. Even when I explicitly asked for it, he gave me nothing.

“I was scared, I couldn’t get the words out. I wasn’t at all prepared.” He takes a pause before continuing. “It’s not that I don’t trust you, I just didn’t know what else to believe at that point.”

Carefully, I reach out my hand to place on top of his laying on his lap. I don’t touch his skin yet, patiently waiting for him to give me some sort of consent. It comes in the form of him softly raising his hand to meet mine.

“I know, we all have our insecure times. You’re not obligated to tell me anything. I can’t and shouldn’t force you to. I’m sorry I doubted you. I was only upset about the way you left.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I thought that if your last memory of me was a bad one you’d forget me faster.”

It didn’t work the way he wanted it to, but he already knows. Already having been hit with that fact multiple times, I decide to spare him. I don’t mention it again.

“Did you ever stop loving me?” At the time it seemed like he did. Like he wasn’t simply acting, like those harsh words were what he truly felt. “Be honest please.” I don’t want any more lies. I’ll accept whatever comes out, even if it throws me right back to where I started.

“I-I don’t know… I really thought my mother was right. That what I had for you wasn’t what it seemed to be.” His gaze briefly drifts to the ground, before focussing on our touching hands. Like magic, the uncomfortableness he was feeling seems to shift. “No matter what she or I tried to convince myself of, something was always missing. I couldn’t put a mask over my own hurting and guilt anymore.”

He spoke the truth. Well at least I think he did. And so I accepted it.

“Okay, thank you for telling me.”

This talk was long overdue. Something we both needed and completely missed. No screaming, no crying, no accusing. If only it went this way from the start. We’re not all perfect though. Even if someone out there is, I’m not, he isn’t. They must be laughing at us.

“Your letters were cheesy. The gifts too.” I’m not sure if this is me trying to lighten the mood, or if I’m just stating facts. Regardless, it makes the both of us smile.

“I know. But you love cheesy things, like the roses I buy you on special occasions.” When he looks back at me I have to resist the urge to jump on him. The smile he wears look good on him. It’s been a while since I’ve seen it. “You know me too well.”

“Well did they work?”

I had already made up my mind a few days back. While staring at the floating balloons occupying my living room I had decided for myself that he’s worth it. He is.

Tilting my head up like I’m still thinking, I make clear ‘hmm’ sound. I had thought that the answer is quite obvious, seeing as I came to him myself, but when doubt takes away his smile I drop the act. I’ve been through enough. We’ve both been through enough.

“Yeah, yeah it did.”

Unlike myself, he doesn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around me. Burying his head in the crook of my neck like he used to do, he lets out a few low ‘thank you’s’. It doesn’t take me long to return the hug, feeling just as safe with him as I used to.

“What about.. Ah I forgot his name.” It’s not hard to guess who he’s hinting at, the sourness in his voice giving him away. I understand, I wouldn’t like it either.

“I ended things.” His answer just comes in the for of a small nod. There is no need for anything more.

“I honestly thought you were going to reject me again.” He ends his sentence with a chuckle and completely relaxes in my hold. Now that the tension is gone, we can go back to where we left off, slowly rebuilding what was lost.

“I was just playing with you, I’m sorry. But no more being an asshole okay? I promise I will kick your ass.” My giggling might undermine the threat a little to others. Luckily, he knows I’m serious.

“I will give you full permission to, but you’ll never have to. I’m going to dump so much love on you that you’ll regret ever even thinking about taking me back. You’re stuck with me now though, so you better be prepared.”

Pulling himself back a little, he plants a gentle kiss on my lips. And then another one, a second one, three more, each kiss more passionate than the last. A fire spreads throughout my body, burning away the few doubts I had left with success. Eventually, to my dismay, I have to pull back for air. Damn humans for needing oxygen.

“Oh? I’d like to see you try.”

Just in case you were wondering, I never did regret it.

126 notes · View notes

punkscowardschampions · 3 years ago

Text

Edie & Billie

Edie: You’re not at home, are you?

Billie: Why?

Edie: ‘cos Rih has to babysit and you are the last phone a friend that needs to be eliminated 👾

Billie: 💀🔋 if anyone but you is asking

Edie: that’s the 👻

Edie: Even convinced Jun to get the fuck out

Billie: with what 👻? 👽 ?👾 🤡 ?🎃 🤖? madness

Edie: 👻 ish

Edie: there’s some exhibit at some museum, idk, it actually wasn’t my idea so I can’t take cred

Billie: 🦖 🦴 🦕 was next guess

Billie: safe that the 👻 🔮 came through with a plan

Edie: 👽 more like

Edie: that’s the best I can do with emojis anyway

Billie: 💬 💬 💬 💬

Edie: I met the most perfect boy

Billie: Dude not you catching a dose too 🚱

Edie: I’ve gone outside of the gene pool so it is not the same thing at all

Billie: 👍 start

Billie: Go on, what else has he got going for him?

Edie: Only everything

Edie: he’s perfect, I just said

Edie: You know that really tall, ridiculously good-looking boy in Rih’s year

Billie: 🤨 💭 ?

Billie: it’ll come to me

Billie: Aha! The one who [some rave story she’s heard of something wild he did]

Edie: I don’t know how you didn’t just KNOW but yeah

Edie: that sounds like him 🤩

Billie: he’s been working at ⛽️ [the location of said petrol station like whatever road it’s on] nights I’ve gone in

Edie: That’s good to know

Edie: I can go in too now

Edie: 💡

Billie: 👻

Edie: It’s so weird how we met actually

Edie: the thread has 90k people on it, what are the chances, how does that happen

Billie: spooky how many posts you could’ve missed before, weird if he ain’t wrote any til today & then replied to yours 🔮 🛸 🧲

Edie: He’s deffo been on there before, I recognised the username

Edie: but he mentioned somewhere in Dublin so then I knew he was at least from around here

Edie: I’d have never talked to him before, it’s deffo fate

Billie: fated if he agreed the monster was a copout reveal

Edie: He’s not 12, so duh

Edie: He’s so cool

Billie: It’s defs him?

Edie: Come on, like I’m gonna get catfished

Billie: this is wild odds, all I’m saying

Edie: It would be weirder if they worked out where I went to School, and then picked some boy who also went to that School to use

Edie: anyway, he’s sent me stuff today so I know it’s really him

Billie: he does look like someone to use for 🎣 but I can picture him on that thread loads

Edie: 🤤🤤🤤

Edie: Do you think he’ll come see me

Billie: yeah, why not

Edie: Aforementioned hotness, he could get ANY girl

Edie: I don’t know who he has gone out with before

Edie: didn’t he go out with one of Rih’s friends for a while?

Billie: [a pause while she has a convo with her friends about this because she has many and they’re mostly lads so at least some of them must know him or have some info]

Billie: Last seen with Lexie but that was time ago & nobody since

Edie: Hmm

Edie: I’m nothing like Lexie

Billie: he ain’t still with her & wasn’t for long, I’d assume he’s looking for different

Edie: and that’s me 🥴

Edie: charming 😏

Billie: 👽

Billie: She hasn’t said anything ☢️⚠️ I’m hearing now, that’s chill

Edie: she’s a bitch anyway, I wouldn’t trust her

Billie: if Blips is accurate on his timeline, even she couldn’t be that much of a bitch

Edie: ?

Billie: Everything with his sister was fresh then, apparently

Edie: Oh

Edie: I remember her, she had a nice smile

Billie: I don’t think I ever met her, it’s gone out my head if I did

Billie: the memorial he made for her is sicker than anything the teachers would’ve though, we hang there constantly

Billie: Take this info with 🧂 yeah? the source is Blips

Edie: She was a lot older

Edie: would’ve been, your paths probably didn’t cross

Edie: makes sense

Edie: he would’ve wanted someone around

Billie: makes sense he’s not thinking straight to pick Lexie to be that someone, but idk man, you can have your fill of pity quick enough

Edie: Maybe someone in her family died? I can see that and making that connection

Edie: not a sibling obviously or we’d know but she’s pretty dramatic, like all Rih’s friends are

Billie: not above milking a dead nan, bet

Edie: 💭 exactly

Edie: Poor Liam, that’s kinda fucking gross

Billie: bad taste in my mouth from being the messenger

Edie: I won’t say it was ages ago because that’d feel a bit like spitting on her grave but you know

Edie: fuck Lizzie or whatever her name is

Edie: she’s probably had 100 lads since then

Billie: Yeah, fuck Lizzie

Billie: what’s next for you & him?

Edie: I don’t know

Edie: I sort of asked him to come ‘round but not just like that

Edie: so his answer was as open-ended, I guess

Edie: I really hope he does though

Billie: he doesn’t know you’re unshockable & didn’t wanna freak you out by coming through the window on a real dark & stormy night

Billie: tracks if Lexie is his point of ref, she’s known for saying what she don’t mean

Edie: ugh, she’s really fucked that up for me

Edie: I should go cockblock her too

Edie: that’s a good idea actually

Billie: You could roll up if he’s working, let him know you’re not alike

Edie: If I roll up on her, he will 😈

Billie: 😶 cos idk how he rolls

Edie: You think he’ll be 😱 / 🤬

Billie: He could think you’re jealous, which would put you looking like her 🤡

Billie: lads always go to that headspace

Edie: most lads

Edie: like your mates who can’t spell their own names without checking with their ma first

Edie: I don’t think he’s like that

Billie: I’ll bite, what’s he like?

Edie: emojis weren’t covering it but I dunno if I even can with actual words either

Edie: he’s like no one else I’ve ever spoken to, I wasn’t bored, and he wasn’t weirded out

Billie: You weren’t even a bit bored?

Edie: nah

Edie: I felt like I was barely keeping up

Billie: 🤯

Edie: but he wasn’t trying to be impressive how lads do, because that isn’t

Billie: he was waiting for whatever he sent to impress you, which worked

Edie: he sent me lots of stuff

Edie: not 🍆 pics

Billie: he looks like he’d be a fuckboy

Edie: right?

Edie: he’s got too much about him though

Edie: I would’ve gone with it if he wanted, he had the chance

Billie: 🤯🤯

Edie: come on

Edie: you can see him

Billie: & I can hear you, you don’t say this kinda shit about anyone

Edie: I know, I’m deadly serious

Edie: 💀💀💀

Billie: What a day

Edie: Don’t tell anyone else yet though

Edie: I think he feels it too

Edie: but just in case

Billie: 🤐

Billie: he blatantly does, but that’s up to yous two to broadcast if you want, how you want

Billie: I’m just excited for the reveal 🎟 🍿 📺 🕹 📷 💻 📼 💿

Edie: He makes films too

Edie: and I’m writing a song right now

Billie: link me

Edie: [do, at least the ones that are clearly not private or whatever]

Edie: 😍

Billie: Cool, I’m gonna check these while you go 😈 on Lexie

Edie: If you hear her scream, no you didn’t

Edie: 😘✌️

Billie: not her 🩸 🦷 🦴 got it

Edie: only partly

Edie: she’s only 3rd on my shit-list, after-all

Billie: if I give you away with a new tic, no I didn’t & they’ll never convict 🤪✌️

Edie: so lucky you can shout ableism if it comes down to it

Edie: ADHD is an excuse for nothing except maybe being five minutes late 🙄

Billie: I’m not going for that with a free pass to shout out at the law 🐷 🐽 🐖 🥓

Edie: you can brag about your free pass, I only get caught when I want to ☠️✊

Billie: not a humble brag you can throw out to your new man, going off these locations I’m recognising, he’s got skills at never getting caught

Billie: How’d he get into [somewhere he should not be]?!

Edie: that’d be telling 🤫

Edie: I told you, he’s really smart

Billie: How didn’t we have a clue about him pretty much?

Edie: because he looks like a fuckboy, I suppose

Edie: you know Rih is gonna act like he’s a decade older than me because she thinks she’s so mature

Billie: 🙄

Edie: I can’t wait to call her out on her bullshit again with something new to add

Edie: can’t wait for the opposition like she’s got a leg left

Billie: She’ll run out fast, he’s cool

Edie: She’s not

Edie: but whatever, she can’t do anything

Billie: No chill, but he’s barely older, so if that’s her only 🔫

Edie: and he went out with Lexie ages ago, well, basically

Edie: she can’t act like she’s really good friends with him, I KNOW she isn’t

Billie: & she wasn’t in Lexie face not to go out with him, couldn’t cos there’s nothing wrong with him 🤷🏼‍♀️

Edie: you act like she’s rational but yeah

Edie: I don’t care, I know this is right

Edie: and what I want

Billie: She’s not, like, irrational enough to be hating on your happiness

Edie: I hate on hers

Billie: that’s different

Edie: not to her

Billie: Yeah but in terms of you & Liam

Edie: If she tries to be nice that’ll be even worse 😷

Billie: minding her own business isn’t gonna happen

Edie: I wish she’d keep hers to herself

Edie: I can’t stand it when he’s here

Edie: I’ll kill Lizzie and steal her bed

Billie: least you can stay at his soon

Edie: 😋

Billie: [frames of one of the videos cos the location is some end of summer event, why not] & you’ll be there together this year

Edie: You really think?

Billie: I don’t think you’ll be dumped quicker than Lexie

Edie: Damn fucking right

Edie: even if he was after one thing, I could do it better than her

Billie: [deletes that message like I don’t wanna read about your sexcapades thank you]

Billie: 🎧 🔊

Edie: [retypes it more vividly which I won’t subject you to lmao]

Billie: NAH

Edie: 😂😂😂

Edie: you’re alright, I’ve got another level to my mission now

Edie: [deets of the scavenger hunt thing]

Billie: Did he sort it for you?

Edie: Yep 😍

Billie: this lad

Billie: unreal

Edie: I think I’m in love

Billie: Someone offer to make him for you in a lab? getting sus otherwise

Edie: That would make sense

Edie: he’s way too perfect

Edie: not that I’m mad

Billie: 🏩 💕 💐 🧸 💞

Edie: 💍💒👶

Billie: [deletes that like calm down lol]

Edie: 👶👶👶👶👶👶👶 maybe

Billie: When’s the [some meteor shower or comet that’d feel very fated and cosmic and therefore we must]? invite him to that first

Edie: 🛸

Edie: I just need to think of a way to tell him where and when

Billie: You’ll be looking up for it, makes sense if he has to 👀⬆️ to find out

Billie: I’d put something on his roof

Edie: About the only place he’d genuinely have to look up to see

Edie: might be less literal

Edie: 💻

Billie: that’ll work too

Edie: plus if you reckon he’ll think I’m mental for hitting up Linda, finding out where he lives without asking will really tip it

Billie: romantic gestures are mental, less of a public ambush than most are

Edie: Everything fun is

Billie: Yeah, but nothing’s fun about getting asked out in the hallway between lessons or whatever 💩 is meant to pass for 😍

Edie: Well yeah, that’s too American teen drama for words

Edie: are his friends gonna be standing there pissing themselves at you believing it even for a sec

Billie: if it’s me his mates are stood about meowing cos some tics refuse to 💀

Edie: That’s cute

Edie: at least you aren’t saying some embarrassing untrue shit

Billie: my true form is 🐱 🐈 & I’m saying the truest shit since 👶🏼 🧒🏼

Edie: I know enough not to throw out suggestions for your head to grab but I’ve seen people saying wild things that you’d get eaten alive for

Edie: but duh, how else did we end up with you

Billie: I know not to watch that shit & maybe 🐦 it but yeah, love to my non-verbals 😝 😜 🤪 ✌️ 🖕 👍

Billie: & to ma for never meeting a stray she didn’t love

Edie: I’ll wait ‘til you wrong me ‘fore I add you to the shit list and send ‘em your way

Edie: tRIGgeRd ❗️❗️❗️❗️

Edie: 💗

Billie: Well I ain’t gonna develop a convenient new 👊 one OR pull a Lexie & wheel out my dead relative to steal your bf 💚

Edie: Ha, don’t

Billie: wouldn’t know what to do with him after using him as a 🛹 ramp & 🚴🏼‍♀️ jump

Edie: I’m the only one allowed to jump him tah

Billie: 😷

Edie: Okay I need to focus on this last one

Edie: see you at home

Billie: k

Billie: see you soon 🏴‍☠️

1 note · View note

apenapaperandadoofus · 4 years ago

Note

PLEASE SHARE IT. PLEASE, I NEED IT.

ASK AND YA SHALL RECIEVE

Keep in mind I was about 12-13-ish when I wrote it and I was in my angsty stage so this gets a bit dark pft

here are the first 2 chapters -there are like 9 in total I think- if ya want the fnaf one then tell me bc I actually have to translate it and everything bc I wrote it in Spanish lol

TW mentions of abuse sorta and alcoholism

"Come back here you lil' shit!!!"

"I'll kill ya, I swear to God I'll kill ya!!!"

I could hear him behind me, stumbling and crashing into things, with that stupid glass bottle in his hand.

I have to keep going or he will really kill me. I kept running zig-zagging through the trees trying to lose him.

"You little fuck!!! How dare you run away from me after all I've done for you?! I was the one that gave you a roof under your head, the one that fed you and took care of you and THIS is how you repay me?!"

Yea right. I'd rather be in the streets than have to live with you in that damned house again. C'mon (Y/N) you're almost there!!

"I'll do the same thing I did with them to you!! You'll end up like all those kids, like all those dirty bastards!"

CRASH!

A flash of lightning crashed behind me.

Keep going, keep going.

Suddenly, as I keep climbing up I see something.

A cave.

Yes!! Now I can finally get rid of him! I quickly started climbing, finally getting into the cave. It was really chilly, but it would at least protect me from the rain, and since it was nighttime and he was drunk he'd have no chance of finding me.

Or that's what I thought.

"Ahh, there you are my dear (Y/N)~ You are quite slippery you know? You remind me so much of her, my little Frisk. But you both had to escape from me didn't ya. Do you know what happened to Frisk dear?"

He chuckled and came closer, while I was walking backward trying not to stumble.

"I killed her." He smiled. " It was an accident, I didn't want to, but she was being a naughty little girl~ [EW WTF WHY DID I WRITE IT LIKE THAT LMFAO GREAT WAY TO MAKE HIM CREEPY AF AMANDA]" he came closer, and the smell of booze reached my nose.

"G-get away from me you creep!"

He laughed and pushed me, making me stumble and fall down. I tried to crawl away but then he started kicking me.

IM ALSO NOT PUTTING THIS PART BC IT WAS CROSSING THE LINE A BIT AND I WANTED TO MAKE IT DARK ANYWAY THE THING IS THIS SHIT ESCALATED REALLY QUICKLY AND I GASPED BC HOLY SHIT WHAT WAS WITH ME

Basically, he said more creepy shit bc I wanted to make him a huge asshole, but I still don't feel comfortable putting it and I'm sure for other ppl its uncomfortable too so uh, lets just say the guy was just really really bad and wanted to do really bad things to uhh, the reader

This, this guy had the nerve to- ugh!!

"S-stop it"

He quickly grabbed me by my hair and brought my face closer so we were locking eyes.

"Y'know no one cares about you! You're nothing! But if you stay with me you'll see I can be a good guy! I promise I will treat you better! I will do anything for you. You just have to be a good girl and stay in your room."

"No!!"

I quickly spit on him and kicked him in the stomach. I was not going back there, not going to suffer through all that again. I got to my feet and ran deeper and deeper into the cave

"You can't escape (Y/N)~" I heard from behind me.

I ran faster. I'm not going to let him win. I'm not.

" You'll just end up like Frisk!"

Crash!!!

I yelped and tripped on a vine, falling into a hole, hearing his echoed taunts getting farther and farther away.

Is this it?

Is this how I die?

Will I really end up like Frisk?

No.

I won't die. I can't die. Not today.

Those were my last thoughts before I was surrounded by darkness.

Chapter 2 [this one is more fun I lol]

"You little bitch!"

"Come back here!"

"You'll end up just like Frisk"

"I promise we'll get out of here....

Frisk"

I woke up with a start. My head dizzy from the fall.

Where...am I? Who's Frisk? Why can't I remember anything...? Hold on, did I loose my memory? What the-

"Heck!!" I heard someone say behind me. I quickly turned around, and saw a kid who looked to be around my age, floating a few feet away from me. Their hair was up to their shoulders and they were wearing shorts with a cute green stripped sweater.

"Seriously?! And just when I get used to being dead?! Do you hate me that much world!?" The kid yelled while waving their fist at the top of the cave.

Huh.....

Wait.....

Dead?

Am I dead?

If so where the heck am I?

Is this what the afterlife is like? Being stuck with a 10 year old ghost kid? Is it because of that one time I stole a ring pop from John? Because if it is he totally deserved it, he wasn't even gonna eat it!

"Am I really dead..?" I whispered.

Suddenly the ghost kid turned around and looked at me.

"Wat?" They asked.

"Am...am I dead?" I looked at my palms trying to figure out what was going on.

The kid sighed.

"No. You're not dead you dummy, you just fell down into the Underground, and somehow that awoke me...huh... that's weird."

Oh. So I'm not dead. That's nice I guess.

"Um, wait, the Underground?" I stood up, and stretched a bit, trying to check if everything was alright.

"Yea. With monsters and stuff. You just fell down from Mt.Ebott. You'd be the second human here to fall down."

Wait. The second one? I thought six more had disappeared in here a while ago.

"You mean the seventh human." I corrected them.

"Noooo, I mean the SECOND human, jeez are you deaf or something?"

They glared at me as if I was the dumbest person they had ever met.

"Nuh-uh. If there's one thing I remember is that 6 humans had fallen before me"

"Well then you remembered wrong because last time I checked I was the only one. That fall must've really damaged your brain" they chuckled.

I rolled my eyes. They really were stubborn and they were pretty rude too! If it were up to me I would've walked away by now but since I am down here somewhere I don't know with MONSTERS, I should really have an ally and they seem to be my only hope. Maybe they're nice once you get to know them, so I should really try to befriend them.

"So uh, ghost kid...what's your name?" I looked at them with a sweet smile, trying to be friendly.

"My name is Chara. And I was the first human to fall down here. What's yours?"

"My what"

"Your name, you idiot. Don't tell me you forgot that too." They smirked.

"Pshh I didn't forget my name!" I puffed my cheeks and looked the other way. I honestly had no idea what my name was but I wasn't going to let that ghost kid treat me like a dumbass again.

"Fine then, what is it?"

Shoot.

"U-um i-its uh..."

Let's seeeeee... what's a good name? Oh jeez what are some good names I could use right now?

As I was panicking suddenly something came to my mind.

"Frisk." I said.

I have no idea who Frisk is, but it felt just right. And it was the first thing that popped into my mind so.

"Oh. That's a peculiar name. But we'll then, Frisk. What are you going to do? Do you want to go back to the surface?" They eyed me with curiosity. I honestly had no idea what I would do. But I just had this urge to go back to the surface. But there was nothing up in there for me was there? I mean maybe I had a family or something's that's looking for me right now. Or maybe I could just be a homeless nobody.

"Do you promise me we'll get out of here?" "Yes. And we'll go and look at the stars in a field of golden flowers, like the ones in your book. It's a promise."

"I want to go back up."

That seemed to get Chara's attention.

"R-really? You want to go back up there? With those assholes?" They scoffed.

"Yep. I just feel as if I have something important to do over there. Like a promise."

"Ah...well, if you want I can show you the way! We can go meet these monsters, they took care of me while I was in here! They could help you!" They smiled and started going ahead of me.

"Uhm, sure, I guess! That'd be cool!" I said as I started walking behind them. If I manage to get those monsters' help, I'll be out of here and try to get my memory back and fulfill my promise.

CRINGY I KNOW BUT WERE GETTING TO THE PICKUP LINES AND THOSE ARE HILARIOUS IN A BAD WAY LMAO MAYBE I CAN LATER POST THE OTHER CHAPTERS PFT

Chapter 3

"So uh..Chara..will these people have food?" I asked while walking behind them.

"Food?" "Yup" "You're stuck in a place full of monsters and all you can think of is food?"

Before I could answer though, my stomach let out a loud growl. I giggled.

"I guess that answers your question."

We became quiet again until Chara turned around and looked at me.

"So how old are you?" "I'm about to be twelve" "You're pretty mature for a twelve year old" they scoffed. "Well you're pretty immature to be whatever age you are." Chara laughed.

"I'm thirteen. So that basically means you have to do everything I say since I'm the older one" they stuck their tounge out.

"That's not fair!" I proclaimed. "The world isn't fair." The smirked. "Your face isn't fair"

"Damn, Frisk, you got me" they said with mockery.

"Shut up"

They laughed and then looked at me with a serious expression. "No but really, if you want to survive here you'll have to listen to me or else you'll die. And if you abuse the SAVE point it'll stop working. If you loose determination too."

"Woah. Wait what? A save point? Determination? I am really confused right now"

"Ugh, I'll explain later. Right now we have to get to the RUINS."

"Is that were you lived when you were stuck down here?"

"Tch, why do you care? And I wasn't stuck. I lived here because it's the only place were murder isn't the first option and monsters aren't assholes."

"Hey, stop being so rude, I just want to find out more about you! I really want us to have a good relationship if you're stuck with me for a while!"

"Just mind your own business."

"Ughh you're so-"

I suddenly stopped walking when I saw a single gold flower in the middle of the path.

"Why'd you sto- ohh that's creepy."

"It's just a flower. It won't do anything."

I kneeled down to look at the flower better, for some reason this flower looked different than all the other ones.. I was about to reach out for it when all of a sudden the flower turned around and smiled at me.

"Howdy! I'm Flowey! Flowey the Flower!"

What. The.

This flower could talk?! What?!

"Oooook Frisk this is definitely creepy, don't touch it and walk away."

I ignored Chara and smiled at the flower. They seemed friendly, so why not?

"Hey there! I'm, um, Frisk. I'm new around here."

Flowey noded and smiled at me.

"Oh! So since you're new you probably don't know how the Underground works! I guess lil' old me will have to teach you! Ready?"

"Frisk I'm not really getting good vibes from this guy." Chara said again, this time a little bit more serious.

"Shhh" I stood up and looked at Flowey, nodding.

"Thank you Flowey!! You're really nice! So how does this all wo-?" Suddenly I was being surrounded by darkness, with Flowey standing in front of me.

"Where is-" I suddenly stopped talking when I saw a red...heart? In front of me.

"See that red heart over there?" Flowey asked me.

I nodded.

"That is your SOUL, the very culmination of your being!"

"Woahh, that's so cool!"

"Your soul starts off weak, but it can get stronger if you gain a lot of LV."

Suddenly Chara appeared beside me and shook their head.

"Frisk I don't think he-"

"Frisk! You may be asking: Flowey, what does LV stand for? Well, for LOVE of course!!"

Oh. I guess in here is not that bad if their policy is like the place where the Carebears live.

"Fris-"

"You want some LOVE don't ya? Well don't worry! I'll share some with you."

After he said that a few white pettals appeared in front of Flowey. I guess that's how you get some LV right?

"Frisk, I'm serious right now, do not touch the bullets."

I looked at Chara.

"Thanks but what bu-"

"DOWN HERE" Flowey yelled to get my attention. I turned to look at him with a nervous smile, he just rolled his eyes and kept talking.

"LOVE, is shared through some....little...white... friendliness pellets!"

Ok. Now that was definitely suspicious. And where those the bullets Chara was talking about before? Jeez this guy really got me, but I mean. He's a flower why in the world would he kill me?

"Are you ready Frisk?! Catch as many as you can!" Then, the...white friendliness pellets, started moving towards me. How in the world was he doing that?! This place is so weird, filled with talking flowers and dead kids suddenly becoming alive again. I just want to go home!

"Frisk!! Watch out!!" Chara yelled beside me.

"What?"

I looked at Flowey and saw the pellets getting closer to me. Before I had the time to dodge they got me and I felt a huge amount of pain. I fell to the ground on my knees, gasping for air, trying to make it go away.

What was happening?! I quickly looked behind me when I noticed that the yellow bar that was once full, was suddenly empty. It said 1/20.

Chara rolled her eyes.

"You dummy! Those were bullets! And to even top it off you have literally one hp left!"

"One hp...? Wait Chara what is goin-"

"You idiot." I heard a creepy voice say behind me.

I slowly turned my head around, looking at Flowey, with my eyes widening.

"F-Flowey?"

"In this world, it's killed or be killed!"

"Wha-what?"

"Why would ANYONE pass up an opportunity like this?"

"Chara!" I yelled trying to get up, but a couple of bullets appeared beside me and surrounded me, trapping me where I was.

"DIE. " I heard Flowey yell, while the bullets started closing in on me.

Maybe I could dodge them? Or find a way to escape? Where was Chara and why weren't they helping me?

I heard Floweys's laughter get louder and louder while the bullets got closer and I shut my eyes.

I guess this is the end now. I will really die. Did I seriously think I would survive in this Underground world? Really? They're monsters for God's sake! Of course I would die here. And I wouldn't be able to fill my promise. My eyes started tearing up. I could feel the bullets really close now, about to touch me when-

All of a sudden, a fireball hit Flowey in the face, making him disappear with the bullets. Chara appeared beside me.

"Phew! That was close! At least she got here in time! I told you he wasn't a good person Frisk! If you want to survive here you'll have to do exactly what I tell you to do, or else you'll die." They nagged me.

I tried standing up once again, trying to see who saved me.

"What a horrible creature, torturing such a poor, innocent youth." Came a sweet voice from above me. I felt their hands go in my back and a weird warm feeling surrounded me.

When the warm feeling was gone, I didn't feel pain anymore. That was weird. I finally managed to stand up, and looked at the lady who saved me.

She's a.....goat? Lady? Monster?

She had a really pretty purple tunic, with a weird white symbol in the chest area.

She smiled at me and waved her hand.

"Ah do not be afraid my child. I am TORIEL, caretaker or the RUINS. I pass down here everyday to see if any humans have fallen down."

I looked at Chara, who looked to be about to cry. Maybe this was the monster they were talking about before? The ones that took care of them probably?

I shook my head and smiled at Toriel. She did look like she had good intentions, and yes, they did save me from that wretched flower. But I wasn't going to be dumb enough to fall into the same trap again, so this time I had to be cautious.

Toriel smiled back, and turned around, grabbing my hand.

"Come, my child, I will guide you through the catacombs!"

And with that, she grabbed my hand and walked with me, leading the way.

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a-dozen-moderate-fragments · 4 years ago

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This isn’t going to be a manifesto on healing or mental health or any of those things, and not because I don’t have years of personal experience in those areas, but rather because the only experience I can talk about is personal. The things that worked for me aren’t guaranteed to work for anyone else, but they’re all I have. I just want to write down a bunch of stuff I’m thinking about. The story goes a little something like this:

Up until somewhere around two years ago I was very depressed – and I think it started when I was ten or so? One of the things that makes this so tricky to talk about is that I don’t remember most of it and it feels like I only woke up a few years ago. But that’s for another time. What matters today is that for a pretty decent chunk of my life, to varying degrees, I was not doing so great in the general head region. Around the middle of high school (so like 15-16 years old) this showed up as a gradually worsening spiral into self-hatred, suicidal ideation, and a general lack of function that reached its extreme early senior year (18 yrs old), with a generous helping of shitty behavior throughout. I’ll spare the details, but to briefly summarize: an attempt, a deliberately anonymized and untraceable plea for help, two days of protective hospitalization, and three very awkward sessions with a therapist, with whom I did not even slightly cooperate (lmao Sarah I’m sorry for being such an obstinate little shit, and to anyone who was here for the other blog at the time and saw what I wrote about the experience, you deserve the employee discount), and to an extent those things helped, but, and weird flex incoming, I think what really helped me recover my mind and pull my schoolwork and personal relationships out of the nosedive I’d put them in was laundry. Let me explain.

I started doing my own laundry around age 12. No particular reason; that’s just when I decided I was a ✨big boy✨ or whatever the fuck and asked my mom to teach me how to do it. And for a while it was entirely insignificant, just a thing I did in between all the other things I did. After my \\epic crisis moment// though, the task became more significant. As I sat with the flaming rubble of a self I’d left me, I knew three things: that I wanted to take this wreck and twist it into someone better, that I didn’t have the tools to do the job or even an idea of where to look for them, and that I’d start in the laundry room. The person I’d been had in every measurable way fallen the heck apart, but for some reason none of my issues interfered too badly with my ability to do laundry. Admittedly, it did often happen far closer to the last minute than it needed to, but regardless it always got done. No matter how much of a crisis I was in, by god I was going to at least be having that crisis in clean clothes. So when it came time to rebuild anew, that’s where I started. While I was gathering my dirty clothes to put in the wash, maybe I’d also pick up those papers off the floor, or maybe I’d glance through my email inbox while I was waiting for the dryer so I could have a few hours to prepare myself before I had to actually write an email. It took months and months of concentrated work and lots of fragile progress, but eventually, building outwards from “I am capable of doing laundry,” I made my way into one (1) reasonably stable and functioning human.

There were other factors, of course. Another big thing I did was to surround myself with better things. I removed myself as much as possible from people who might bring me back into my old patterns, and as much as possible surrounded myself with stories of positivity and growth and healing, and I learned to sing, and I found people both real and fictional to live for, and if I’m being honest? Part of it was being here on tumblr reading posts about cherry pies and flowers in the concrete and monsters and heroes blended into one, and I’m also sure there’s symbolism in the laundry ritual to dig into about cleansing and wiping away past transgressions and all that christian bullshit, but all of that stuff’s not really what I’m interested in here. I know at the start I said I only can talk about myself, but I think it’s useful to talk about what I did in general terms, to examine how a broken person with no idea how to mend can do so. These are what I take away from my experience with forcefully rebuilding myself: If you’ve only got one solid thing, you screw in a handhold and cling to it for all you’re worth. It can be the smallest or most unrelated thing and it does not matter; it will still crack open the door to further growth. It’s a fundamentally self-driven effort that takes a long time, but it gets a little easier if there’s another person in the equation, whether they be a friend, a family member, or even a fictional character. It’s far too easy to get frustrated with how little progress you seem to be making and give up, but having another person to fight for so they can have a better version of you can counter that. It might not be the 100% healthiest thing to define yourself by how you benefit others, but it helps. Bonus points if one of those people in the equation is a certified mental health professional. Be aware of what your subconscious is telling you as you go. You’re already in a state of reconstruction, so if there’s something you need to change, this is a good time to do it. If there’s something you find yourself idly thinking about a lot, examine it (hint hint trans hint. Not that that’s an obligatory part of this whole process but like. It was for me lmao). It’s hard and it sucks and progress is not linear nor is it guaranteed to stick 100% of the time but I promise it is so worth it and there will come a day when you no longer feel in danger of slipping and I’m proud of how far you’ve come and how far you’ll go.

And I don’t really have anything meaningful to say but as shit has this year has been in general, for the first time I remember I’m happy that I’m alive and I’m so glad I was able to claw my way to this point and I know I’ve got much farther to go but – and this is a radical statement for me – I genuinely do love who I’ve become and I’m excited to see where I go next, how much more genuinely and readily I can love and how many people I can care about and bring with me.

#sam speaks #soft bitch hours #again I've got nothing especially meaningful to say about all this I've just had these thoughts in my head for a while #and also hot damn! that's the most I've written in a while and definitely more than I intended to when I sat down #there's undoubtedly some typos in there but I'm not reading that back to fix them #also I'm sorry about my obsession with the comma. one day I'll learn that twelve clauses is too many for one sentence but alas #not this day #long post #anyway we now return you to your regularly scheduled pile of reblogs

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hobiwonder · 6 years ago

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Teen Idle | (m)

Pairing: Hoseok x Reader

Genre: Smut. PWP

Warnings: Unprotected sex, creampie, blowjob, dry humping, exhibitionism, dirty talk, degrading language, mentions of religion in a negative light. Mentions of infidelity.

Summary: “Wish I’d been a teen, teen idle Wish I’d been a prom queen, fighting for the title Instead of being sixteen and burning up a bible Feeling super, super (super!) suicidal The wasted years, the wasted youth The pretty lies, the ugly truth And the day has come where I have died Only to find I’ve come alive” - Teen Idle by Marina

OR: You’d been a good girl and for what? Hedonistic adventures of a church girl turned.... well, bad.

Words: 6k+

A/n: Bad like this absolutely last minute smut lmao eejhbduefhebfuejdn i wrote this in two days and this was NOT on my list of WIPs until like a day ago so I apologise if this isn’t your cup of tea. But tysfm to @yminie for the AMAZING mood board I forever will be amazed by her talents. Not beta read bc it’s my baby’s bday and i dont wanna be sending over work for her to read over!! pls let me know if you enjoyed. I loved writing hoseok ravage me in my mind :’))).

It was hard to understand what exactly was your place in the world. Ever since you’d been a young girl, growing up in a conservative house with a preacher for a father and a very strict mother to match – you had known nothing but disciple, purity and how to make conscientious choices knowing that god is watching at all times. Even to think of an anomalous thought earned you a solitary confinement in your room with the holy book itself to make your wrongs in to rights. Your parents couldn’t have the preacher’s daughter being just like those insolent teenagers that you went to school with – could they?

The whole of your youth had been spent singing in choirs, volunteering at church on every Sunday and making sure each moment of your life was free from sin and impurity. You never wanted to be like the drugged, easy harlots that went to your impure school. You were better than that. You were better than them. That’s what you’d been told your whole life. To be better than everyone else in the eyes. It did not matter to you that you didn’t have a social circle surrounding you like the rest of your peers that you witnessed on a daily basis – making out freely and shamelessly on the hood of their cars after school or even before school.

“You’re better than these heathens, y/n. Remember that. The lord will reward you for your resistance.” These words have been spoken to you so many times you’d lost count. Your father was a strict man and every punishment, every lesson came down to this; being better than those ‘heathens.’ It wasn’t to say that you regretted servicing the church as a teenager, spending your nights sorting out bulletins instead of crashing college parties like the girls in your class giggled about in the hallways. Charitable work was regarding high in the eyes of the lord. And this life was temporary. You had the whole of heaven to look towards after passing from this world and the hedonistic people that inhabited it.

You wanted to be nice and virginal because in the eyes of the lord, in the holy book, that was more desirable than being an easy slut. Society still valued the innocence, perceived dependency, and sexual inexperience of a female virgin, while shunning women when they “corrupt” themselves by giving themselves away and you’d been a fool when you’d given it all away to one man that you’d thought was the one for you. But what did you get in return? A cheating bastard who’d been sleeping with his secretary – quarter his age.

“Y-Y/n!” your whole body had been on auto pilot and your feet had taken you straight towards your car while Sehun had ran after you – shirt unbuttoned and haphazardly tucked in to his slacks after the scandalous scene you had walked in to at his office.

“Y/n, wait! I can explain!” you’d been told all your life that rage was a sin too. Never to let the anger consume your brain enough to make it cloudy with bad decisions and yet, you hadn’t cared then when you’d turned out – heaving with so much anger you weren’t sure if it was possible to explode from just one emotion.

“Explain what?! What is there to explain?” Your tone is louder than the gentle croon it always was, speaking gracefully and politely like good girls from noble, pious families did. It the surprise on Sehun’s face at your outburst is almost as surprising as finding out that your fiancé had been sleeping with another woman for god knew how long!

But that’s right isn’t it? God knew everything and he had known about this too. So why did he think you deserved this? Did you not deserve to be happy? With a fiancé, a good job, a ‘good’ family? Where did you go wrong?

You’d given up your body for this man thinking he’d done the same. He’d given you himself in return and you had felt whole – at least then. So why did you feel so conned now? Why did you feel the regret creep up now at giving up your purity, your virginity to a man you had given everything to and gotten absolutely nothing from?

“I can’t believe you’re talking to me like that.” The look of utter surprise with an undertone of disgust had you wanting to hurl your bag to his face – wiping away the contorted expression as if he’d met the most vile person on earth. He was in in place to be chastising you after being caught fucking his secretary and yet he had the nerve to do it anyway?

“Fuck you, Sehun.” That’s the last thing you’d uttered to his face, surprising even yourself at your boldness before you’d dashed out of the lot to where you sat now. The bar that was closest to your work building while you’d been driving by. Your emotional state was somewhere between a mess because of your time wasted with Sehun and feeling bitter as you questioned your whole life. What did you have to show for all those years spent following the rules, being a good religious girl only to break one of the most scared rules for a man that didn’t give a crap about you?

You felt dirty and disgusting and craved the glory that you felt within you – like you were better than the people surrounded by you – pure and almost godly. It fed the narcissist in you that your parents had made you out to be. Always telling you that you were better than everyone else out there because of who you were and how you lived your life. Sure your co-workers thought you a but stuck up. But of course – they weren’t the ones with a modest job, a fiancé, a perfect home at such a young age. They were just bitter that your life was flawless and you had it all while staying pure and remembering god while the heathens out there could never have both.

At least that’s what you’d thought. How did you even fool yourself in to believing that you could have it both ways? Have pre-marital sex while trying to live a life that ensured you your place in heaven. Why did it all seem like a waste of time? You’d been a fool and lived a lie. Thinking that being a good Christian girl instead of living a life like the typical teenager did would ensure that you avoided heartache such as this. But it happened anyway. So why? Why had you been so good? Why did you waste your youth burning up a bible while your peers were out there making these mistakes already; probably learning how to avoid men exactly like Sehun than being a fool almost nearing 30 and never having had intimate relationships – at least not like the one you had with Sehun. You’d given him your virginity for goodness sake.

“What would you like ma’am?” The bartender looked at you – slightly unsurely as you stared up at his face just as confused, having never been at a bar like this alone. In fact, you could count on one hand the times you had visited a bar and it had been with Sehun to attend work functions that you both usually left early to pray together before you went to bed at 10pm promptly. God, you were a fucking disaster. And maybe this was a mid-life crisis because even you weren’t sure you’d make it to 60 years old let alone live a normal life in to your elderly years.

“She’ll have a vodka tonic.” The deep, sultry voice was unmistakably of someone you had known very well at work. Well, known was a bit of an over statement.

The bartender nodded, getting to mixing your drink straight away while all the golden skinned, glowing sharp features and a lithe body and a perfect coy smile that was Hoseok, took a seat beside you on the bar stool. His hair was parted and the tie he’d been sporting at work today was loosened around his neck but the blazer still stayed. He looked like a sin you wanted to commit and you couldn’t believe that your mind was so loose tonight that it had even allowed you to think lustful thoughts rather than filtering them out of your system like you’d trained it to.

“Mr. J-Jung.”

“We’re not at the office anymore Y/n. Please call me Hoseok.” He smiled at you so brightly that if you weren’t so at war with yourself internally; you may have even returned it. Usually you avoided much contact with the opposite sex as you already had a fiancé and looking at strange men was not looked upon favourably in the eyes of god. Especially men that induced such lustful thoughts in your mind… But did that even matter anymore? Why had you done all of that when it in the end you’d been fucked over by life anyway? Were you just another pathetic woman; like the ones you despised and told yourself that you were nothing like them?

“Never thought I’d see you at a bar, let alone, by yourself. What’s happening? Lover boy skip a date to go to church?” He chuckles at his own joke and you can’t bring yourself to fight with him. Because at the moment you were questioning every aspect of your life, every opportunity missed and every mistake not made.

Fuck Sehun. Fuck him. Fuck religion. Fuck the people who fooled you in to thinking that you were special. Because if you were then why did this happen? You were no better than any other woman out there even when you kept yourself the cleanest you could. You denied yourself the pleasures that everyone indulged in – thinking and even feeling to some extent like the godly being you were told to strive to be.

“No. He diched me to fuck his secretary at his office.” Your casual response has Hoseok’s eyes going wide, spluttering for a moment before he’s shaking his head as if trying to wrap his head around what you’d told him.

“First of all, never thought I’ll hear you swear,” He shoots you a smirk before a more sombre look takes place on his face, “Damn. Holy shit. I’m sorry to hear that y/n. How could he do that to… toyou.”

Maybe you’d be offended if the context and the circumstances were different. But they weren’t. And it was true. You had thought yourself to be better than everyone else you worked with and thought that you deserved it all. It was your reward for following the rules that god made man to follow. But of course, where did that get you? A lost virginity that made you feel like a whore with even actually being one, not knowing what was true and what wasn’t and the regret. The fucking regret that in your late 20s you had wasted your youth and never gained the ability to deal with a heartbreak such as this. Suddenly, you craved it all. You wanted to go back in time, fuck every guy on the basketball team, fall in love with all of them just for them to break your heart the next week. Drink yourself to oblivion to numb the pain of said heart break or eat your feelings. Do everything that would prepare you for today so could handle these feelings like an actual strong woman and not one whose confidence lay solely on god. Who waved around a false sense of superiority because she didn’t drink? Didn’t smoke? Had only slept with the man she was going to marry?

You’d wasted all those years like a fucking fool. And of course, Hoseok, who teased you the most about being the way you were – stuck up – to witness your downfall.

“Well, he did.” You’re nonchalantly taking a sip of a drink you’ve never had before but thankfully you’re not spitting it back out like a rookie as the alcohol burns its way down your throat and settles in your system. Already making your body temperature rise and you weren’t even through with all of the glass.

“What a shitbag.” Normally you would reprimand anyone who sore in front of you but today; you just shrugged. Still deep in thought, letting the regret take you over as you downed another glass, the pleasant haze of feeling tipsy tearing down your walls of defence and your inhibitions.

“Well, as much as I dislike you for being a killjoy at work and having your nose in the air every time someone even walks by you; I apologise on the behalf of male species. Never thought any bad would be happening to you.” He’s snorting to himself as he drinks his own glass of whiskey, gesturing the bartender to fill your glasses once more. And while he does; you look at him. Reallylook at him. You no longer want to deny that Jung Hoseok was a devastatingly charming man. He was a favourite around the office and you’d never seen him without some sort of smile on his handsome, sharp face. When you’d first started work at his department; he’d tried to flirt with you on day one but you’d quickly shut him down, holding on to your cross necklace as you told him you didn’t court men that easily. But as you watched his easy stance, the way his thighs spread out naturally to accommodate him and the dishevelled look of his hair from running his hands through it; you wanted him.

You wanted him to make you forget. You wanted to live out each and every fantasy you had and make up for the lost years you spent holed up as a teenager. And who best to do it with the most handsome and effervescent man you knew? Sure, you’d only given him dirty looks each time you caught him in the break room making out with a different co-worker every other week. But you were a hypocrite. Because in this moment, you wanted nothing more than to be one of those girls. You wanted him to fuck you on every surface of every building. You wanted to be an actual whore than pretend like you were treated any better than one. Discarded to the side so easily by Sehun.

“You okay, y/n?” He’s looking at you now and you know that he’s caught the spark in your eyes, no doubt being able to tell that you weren’t the y/n he worked with on the daily basis. You realise; that version of you had died the moment you’d caught Sehun in the act. This was the new you and she wanted to make up for lost time and suddenly, you felt jittery and moist between your legs as you glanced at Hoseok’s fingers circling the mouth of the glass.

“I will be. If you can help me.” Your voice is soft but determined as you stare him square in the eyes. Sometime during the night, he’d somehow moved closer to you, face now inches away from yours as his own shamelessly took in your pencil skirt and your collared blouse. To proper and put together for his liking. And now, to your own as well.

“You really mean that?” His voice is deliciously husky and it sends a chill down your spine but you nod your answer anyway. Not breaking eye contact with his glossy ones.

“I need you to say it sweetheart.” And you will. Because tonight you wanted nothing more than to feel the feelings you had avoided your whole life – thinking that somehow you’ll remain a better person than everyone you knew.

“W-Will you… will you fuck me Hoseok? Show me what good girls can’t have? Make me regret ever not wanting to let you have me on that day?” Even to your ears, your voice sounds foreign. Never being so openly blunt and shameless. But you knew that Hoseok doesn’t care because he’s cursing under his breath, muttering a ‘fuck’ as he rakes his gaze over your body once more. Then, he’s pushing back his glass while he holds on to your wrist – dragging you out of the bar with him.

“W-Where are we going?”

“To fuck.” Your face is going red and the blood in your veins is bubbling from excitement. You were being careless and reckless and yet; you’d never felt so alive before. This really was your new life. And you could do everything you hadn’t in your past one. Hoseok has your hand firmly in his own as he’s pushing you in to a darkened alley next to the bar. The night air is slightly cool and people are still walking by once in a while to access the bar. In an instance, you’re pushed up against the brick wall, the rough edges digging in to your back harshly as Hoseok blankets your body with his own, towering over you. You’re breathing hard and watching his each move while he only places both of his arms on either sides f your head.

“Do you really want this y/n? Because this is your last chance before I have you the way I’ve always wanted.” And somehow, your breathing is getting faster as you stare at him expectantly.

“I am. U-Use me Hoseok. It’s what I want.” I want to feel like a dollar whore. I want your cum dripping out of me. I want to have your cock in my mouth until the day I die.

It was as if your previous self had been so deprived to the point that the new life you suddenly have made you a nymphomaniac as the default setting. Wanting nothing more than to do anything and everything to fill that deep ache you felt inside your soul and now your pussy. Hell, your previous self wouldn’t have even said any of these words even in your thoughts.

And Hoseok needs no more reassurance as he’s pushing up your skirt in a haste – in a public place, mind you, where anyone could walk by and see two figures huddled up against the wall – and then pulling down your modest white cotton panties that were now soaked.

“Fuck, you’re this wet already? I always knew you were so prim and proper to hide the inner slut in you. Weren’t you baby?” And all you do is nod slowly, watching him hitch up your legs as he settles them on his waist to steady you. All the while his eyes grow increasingly frantic, watching you tremble beneath him. In a way – he was also getting to taste the unforbidden fruit and you were more than willing now. Ready to rid yourself of your virtue that you’d held on to so tightly – at least in spirit.

“Answer me, y/n. Did you always want me? Hm? You always wanted my cock?” His voice is gravely and it sends shivers down your spine that’s perched up against the brick wall.

Something about letting a practical stranger like Jung Hoseok take you in such a public setting was so sensual and erotic to you that you were a mess between your legs, sticky arousal smearing the insides of your thighs as Hoseok looked down between you both. But to your surprise – he doesn’t open his belt buckle as you’d assumed he would. Instead – he’s pushing his hips in to yours, mashing his hardened length against your naked pussy and the breath is taken straight out of your lungs.

“H-Hoseok.”

“Yeah baby?” His hips have started to roll a steady rhythm against your soaked core and you know that he’s making a mess of his own slacks every single time he’s rubbing his cock against your sticky core. And affectively helping you get ever so close to that peak you’d been familiar with but never quite so intensely. Sure, you’d thought Sehun was good in bed but in comparison to whom? Hoseok wasn’t even inside you and you were a mess already. The pleasure so intense and concentrated that the noises that were leaving your lips were almost uncontrollable. As if no matter how much you’ll try; they’ll escape you anyway, painting the dim lilted walls of the alley with your breathy sighs and cries of Hoseok’s name.

A man who you were not courting nor were you even remotely romantically involved with. And saying his name over and over again only made you wetter knowing that fact. It was an act of defiance against your own beliefs and you were going to yell his name in ecstasy any chance you got.

“I need you,” your moan that comes out more as a whine only makes him smirk and push his hips harder in to you, pushing your back farther up against the rough brick wall as it grazes your back almost painfully. And you love every second of it.

“Need me where, y/n?” He’s fastened his pace, resorting to now just a quick grind of his hips in between your legs to deliciously put pressure on you bundle of nerves – almost never detaching from your hips at all.

“Ah! I-In me. Oh god. I-I’m-”

“Already? Such a hungry cock slut.” Hoseok tuts, eyes never leaving your face that’s contorted in a look of almost pain because of being so dangerously close to the edge. Your hands are clawing his back and his face is buried in the crevice of your neck, picking away at the threads that held your sanity close until each string was giving away to the carnal lust that flowed all throughout your body. You weren’t wanting to fight any sensation that you felt. But somehow, your mind still tried to fight off the impending orgasm despite knowing that’s exactly what you wanted. You wanted a release. You to let go. But Hoseok isn’t exactly making it easy for you. Because the next thing you know – he’s pushed you down on your knees until you were level with his hips and looked up hazily in to his own hungry eyes.

“You don’t get to cum so easily my dear y/n. Not after all these years I had to put up with your self-righteous attitude only to have your slutty mouth ask for my cock. You need to earn it.” He’s almost spitting out the words while he unbuckles his pants, the sound of his belt buckle opening and the sight of his veiny arms sending another trickle of arousal out of your pussy – panties still around your ankles and skirt still pushed up high.

Slowly, he’s fisting out his throbbing cock that has you gasping when you take in the length and its girth as well. He was bigger and wider than Sehun but a good few centimetres and the thought of his cock stretching you out terrified and excited you all at once. Giving it a few shallow pumps as he smears the pearly white liquid around his length – he eyes you expectantly, gesturing with his chin to come forward.

“Get to work babe. If you want this cock inside you – you better show me how much you want it.” Your eyes most look like a deer caught in the headlights because after a few seconds, Hoseok is cursing under his breath before he’s fisting your hair – only to tilt your face up harshly.

“Open your mouth wide, y/n.” And as if in a trance, you do. With one quick thrust – Hoseok is hitting the back of your throat, making you gag around his slightly salty cock.

“Fuck. Your mouth is a sin in itself babe. And you know I’m the biggest sinner.” He’s spitting out every word between clenched teeth as he thrusts his cock in your mouth again and again. Your jaw already starting to ache as it opened almost painfully wide to accommodate his length while he continued his assault on your mouth.

You’re trying to keep your breathing even and breath through your nose so you don’t faint. The moans that escape you are again – unstoppable. You’d never given Sehun head because he’d deemed it ‘disgusting’ and ungodly behaviour. And yet – you’d found him with his cock buried deep in his assistant’s throat. The act itself with Hoseok’s handsome face peering down at you – lips between his teeth and hands guiding your movements – you can’t remember the last time or anytime in fact, you’d felt this sensual. This erotic and sultry and just plainly like a whore.Giving this beautiful man head in a dark alley with your skirt bunched up to your waist and ass exposed to anyone who could be passing by.

And what do you know – you can hear steps approaching the alley and on instinct, you try to pull away. But it’s hard when Hoseok’s nimble fingers are gripping your hair so tightly to the point where it stings. And with every passing second, you can hear the steps getting closer.

Your voices of protest are muffled while Hoseok only chuckles above you. “You think I care if someone sees you with my cock down your throat? You need to know,” He’s moaning out before he continues, “that your place is on your knees – before me. Like the cock slut you always have been hiding under your granny panties and high collared shirts.”

You can only muffle out a moan around his assaulting member as he continues to fuck your mouth while lewd, sloppy sounds fill the alley.

“F-Fuck. I’m going to c-cum babe.” His pace has increased and he’s frantically pushing his length deeper and deeper in your mouth while you try to suck on the tip of his engorged head as much as you can. And just when he’s about to cum – a voice all too familiar interrupts you both.

“Y/N? Is… Is that you?” You can hear Sehun approach the two figures he can probably only see vaguely. Your eyes shoot towards his direction and you know exactly the moment he’d recognized your voice and your form that’s sitting on the alley floor.

“Y/N!” Sehun has rushed forwards, grabbing your shoulders in a haste as he pushes Hoseok off of you. You’re sitting there with saliva dripping from your swollen mouth, eyes glazed over while Hoseok is only chuckling as he slips his hardened length back in his pants.

“How dare you do that to her?!” He’s roaring at Hoseok who looks like he doesn’t give two fucks about Sehun catching you with your mouth around his cock. He clearly had the wrong idea. Thinking you’d been forced. Just when you’d collected enough breath and reason in your mind – you push Sehun away forcefully while you walked towards Hoseok who was leaning against the opposite wall.

“Y/N…”

“What Sehun? What do you want?” You’re looking behind you as you walk towards Hoseok – completely throttled and thrashed with your skirt up to your waist – panties around your thighs.

“What in the god’s name are you doing?!” And you can only giggle as you start fishing Hoseok’s cock out of his trousers again – right in front of Sehun.

“Letting this man fuck my brains out.” You don’t need to look behind you to know that Sehun is probably looking at you shell-shocked. Never being able to imagine you this uninhibited and callous with your words. But you get a sneak at his face anyway when Hoseok is flipping you over so that your back rested against the brick wall again whilst he hitched up your legs to his waist again. And the thought that he didn’t care that Sehun was watching before rubbing the fattened head of his cock against your pussy all the while Sehun watched – only made your pussy gush.

You don’t remember the last time you felt this excited, this sexy when you’d been with a man. Not even Sehun who you’d considered to be the love of your life. But now you were finding out that you didn’t know any better and had no other man to compare him to. Of course you thought he was the one because your father approved of him.

“You’re going to go to hell for this y/n. For acting like a disgusting-”

“Slut? I know. I don’t give a shit Sehun. Now go away so I can get fucked in peace. Or don’t, I don’t care-ah!” Just then, Hoseok has pushed his girthy, painfully hard length inside you and Sehun is seething; disappearing from the dark alley just as you’re putting a hand to your mouth to quieten your cries as Hoseok’s length stretches out your pussy. And he’s looking straight down between you two, watching the way the labia of your pussy stretches around his length.

“Fuck, your cunt is hotter than the 7thcircle of hell my dear y/n.” He’s cursing under his breath, taking in a deep one just as he’s sheathed completely inside you, letting you take a breath as you try to get used to the largest intrusion you’d felt inside you.

“M-Move Hoseok.” You wanted him to wreck you. You wanted him to take his pleasure from you and use you so much so it made up for all the years of being a fool made you miss out on sleeping with every and any guy you wanted to.

“Can’t believe you preached to us all at every general meeting when your cunt is hotter than hell. You’ve always been the hidden devil among us all haven’t you? Hm?”

He’s throwing your hand away from your mouth when you just muffle out your answer behind them with each thrust of his cock inside your channel. You’re so wet that a squelching sound accompanies every thrust inside and it’s making you pink all over.

“Answer me y/n. You’re a cock whore who’s always been hungry for it haven’t you? Yeah?” With each word, his pace had increased the sounds of skin slapping against skin were so loud that they even brought you back down to earth and feel a hint of shame. But the pleasure coursing through you was enough for you to cry Hoseok’s name over and over like a prayer you wanted to have desperately answered.

“Y-Yes. I love c-cock. I want your cock to t-tear me up. U-Use me Hoseok-” you hiccup as tears well up in your eyes, feeling the bulbous head of his hard member nudge your cervix again and again. The natural curve of his dick hitting each nerve ending inside you that you didn’t even know existed.

“Oh baby.” He’s clenching out between his teeth, “I,” A deep thrust, “will.” Another one that has you almost howling every single time he bottoms out.

You don’t know how he’s holding back after being on edge for so long but you can feel him get even more impossibly harder. Almost as hard as stone inside your velvety walls.

“Fuck you’re so wet Y/N. Did Sehun ever make you this wet? Hm?” You’re pushed up against the wall with each punishing thrust that has a string of continuous moans falling from your lips.

“N-No. You f-fuck me so well h-hoseok.” It’s hard to speak but you love it nonetheless. Saying all the erogenous words out loud only made your pussy gush and clench around him harder.

“You gunna cum baby? You’re gunna cum for me?” You’re vigorously nodding your head while the tears escape past your eyes and on to your already sweaty and teary face while you sniffle away.

“Too fucking bad.” And just like that – he’s pulling out of you and pulling away so abruptly that you fall to the dirty floor in a heap. Pussy leaking with his and your combined fluids while he quickly tucks back his erection that almost look menacing now. You didn’t know why he insisted on torturing you both but you didn’t question it. Loving every second of your hedonistic and spontaneous sexual encounter.

“Come on.” He’s tugging you up on your wobbly feet and dragging you out of the alley. And when you try to pull down your skirt to cover your ass – he swats your hands away.

“No covering up. I want everyone to see what a whore you actually are. You want this to don’t you?” It takes you a few seconds to look at Hoseok’s smirking face and slowly; you nod. Letting him tug you out towards the parking lot – knowing that any passer-by – albeit it being almost 10pm – would be able to see your skirt pushed up with only your panties barely covering your modesty.

And just like that – Hoseok drags you over to his car; a shinny range rover. Pulling open the driver’s seat, he’s sitting inside and pushing back his seat slightly and then within seconds, pulling you on his lap to straddle his spread legs. Both of you are panting and both of you are staring straight at each other; consumed completely by lust as Hoseok gives your wrecked state a once over. He’s reaching out only to rip open the front of your blouse that had been buttoned up high – only to pull down the cups of your bra as your heaving breasts spring free.

“Fuck,” He mutters under his breath, groping the soft flesh between his large vascular hands, “Your tits are amazing. I want to suck on them all day.”

When you moan out in response, he continues, “You’d like that wouldn’t you? Maybe I can drop by to your office for a midday snack, huh? Suck these tits till they’re all puffy and swollen.”

“H-Hoseok. Please.” You’re desperate to reach your peak and now are shamelessly grinding against his hips to get some sort of friction. Hoseok’s bent forward with a nipple in his mouth, licking and sucking in the whole of you areola.

“Oh f-fuck. I’ll c-cum like this Hoseok.” And you were going to. You were so, so close you were about to lose your mind. Thankfully, Hoseok is opening his belt and letting you fish out his hard cock again and within seconds – you’ve taken initiative and impaled yourself on his hardened length.

“Fuck, you’re so hot baby. Just like that.” His hands have now found purchase on your waist as you start riding him like only your pleasure mattered. With the continuous teasing and the exhibitionist that Hoseok has awoke in you – your pussy was plenty wet and even overly so. Making deliciously dirty squelching sounds every time you slid over his pole again and again. Your rhythm increasing as your high built up again – and quite fast thanks to all the edging for hours.

“Yeah, fuck yourself on my cock y/n. Just like the dirty little cock whore you are. Aren’t you?”

“Y-Yeah. L-Love y-your cock.” You’re slurring your words as the car bounces from the sheer force of your pace as you ride Hoseok towards the sun. You could die a happy girl on his cock and when you look at his face that’s watching you like you’re the holiest thing he’d ever seen; you’re crying out your release while he thankfully gets the hint and holds up your hips, thrusting his cock inside you from below to push you over the edge completely.

“Fuck! Hoseok I-I’m-” Your teary face is looking at his own in panic while his hips frenetically push inside your gushing pussy.

“Cum on my cock baby. Let all your cunt juices go. I want to drown in your cum, fuck!” He’s growling and seething out the words as if he’s angry. Livid in fact and it only stretches out your orgasm further – as well as the hand that’s slipped between you both and now strummed your clit to almost a second peak while he chased his own high.

“Fuck fuck fuck I’m going to cum in your dirty pussy y/n. Can I? Fuck I’m n-not going to last. Please baby.”

Your teary face is weakly nodding while your head rests against his shoulder, body bouncing with every thrust inside your sopping and oversensitive walls. The hand on your clit that was incessantly rubbing was so close to make you cum again. And when Hoseok starts to slam your hips down on his lap – sticky and wet sounds echoing through the walls of the confined space in his car, flesh sticking to flesh – you cum once more and with a few more deep thrusts of his cock inside you – you can feel the spurts of his own cum flooding inside your walls.

“Fuck, I-I’m leaking out of you babe.” He’s watching between your bodies as the sounds get even sloppier with his cum overflowing from your pussy and back on to his cock – making a creamy mess between you two. And in that moment, you could only rest your head against his shoulder after having cum for the second time. Your body was worn and tired but your mind was buzzing in the aftermath of your rendezvous. Hoseok looked as beautiful as ever with his golden skin shining with perspiration while he caught his breath – caressing your behind almost lovingly. Love.

That’s not what you were after right now. In fact, even just thinking about it made you want to forget about the whole concept of it all. And when Hoseok looked down at you with a raised eyebrow – you just quietly lean back against the steering wheel, letting him have a look between where you two were joined again.

“Can you f-fuck your cum back in to me?” your sultry tone and your incredibly filthy question catches his off guard for sure. But it’s not even a minute later that he’s ordering you again.

“Turn around y/n. Let’s see that ass bounce.”

And of course, your new self in your new life is more than willing to oblige. Today was the day you had thought you’d died – only to find that you’ve come alive.

a/n: yay or nay? let me know!!

#bts smut #hoseok smut #hoseok x reader #jhope #hobiwonder #hope u like it :))

836 notes · View notes

lokidiabolus · 5 years ago

Text

Actors

Fandom: The Maze Runner

Pairing: Newtmas

(Jonipony: So this idea just came to me out of thin air, Thomas and Newt are actors who don't get along well together, but they have to do a love scene together for their characters and end up falling in love in real life. I was thinking maybe they forced themselves to spend time together in order to make their character's relationship seem more real and once they fall for the other person they can't tell if it's real or just their characters. And of course you can put your own twist or interpretation on it, you don't have to do just that. I think it could work for a longer fic or just a one shot depending on how you want to do it. Thank you so much for considering it!

Holy shit, I'm so sorry it took foreverrrr. I started writing it, then suddenly didn't know HOW to approach it, so I scrapped it, started again, scrapped it, wrote first 10 pages and stopped. Then returned to it after several months, wrote another set of pages, stopped. And now I FINALLY finished it, aaaaaaaaaa. Seriously, sorry it took ages lmao. Not even sure if it's what you've wanted, they seriously started to live their own life in there :'D)

Ao3 Version.

Maybe it would do you good if you spent a little more time together, off set.

In retrospect Thomas should have known it meant bad business, because as much as he liked his job and the series he was in, spending more time with Newt out of all people was not the best idea. Not that he could do anything about it – their producer and writer Jorge simply decided their characters needed to become less flat and also had the guts to say he was planning it all along, because representation. So Thomas’ until then completely straight character Stephen who liked parkour and Chinese food became miraculously captivated by a scientist Isaac, even though up until then they didn’t really have much screen time together.

When the morning read-through of the new episode revealed Jorge’s masterplan, Thomas didn’t know what to say or how to act. Him and Newt – they were like water and fire, and even though they didn’t clash loudly or made scenes, their civil behaviour had pretty low borders and they simply couldn’t be bothered to raise it. Up until today they didn’t even need to, because hey, one, two scenes per episode were only necessary evil and they usually didn’t even have the space to glare at each other much.

Thomas wasn’t sure how exactly it started – there wasn’t a girl they were both interested in involved, no role they both wanted and one of them got it, no pranks they played on each other that embarrassed them in public. There was nothing wrong with their interactions up until there was and Thomas couldn’t point a finger at it. The animosity was just there, sitting on the perch like a duck, ready to strike when they got into few meters wide vicinity of each other.

He didn’t know what exactly bothered him about that thin, blond nobody either. His appearance was pretty normal, maybe he just needed to gain a pound or two, and he had kind of unreal baby face, but apart from the lankiness and blond hair ruffled all the time, his looks were not that notable to irritate him. Neither did his British accent he usually concealed anyway or the way he talked to people. He just didn’t sit well with him, and quite frankly the antipathies were mutual and Newt wasn’t shy from showing him. So they kept their distances and interactions to minimum and everybody was happy.

Until Jorge fucked it up. And by fucking it up Thomas meant he started an apocalypse. Basically the series’ new couple was fancying each other because why the hell not, precisely after meeting in the university infirmary where Stephen ended after rather risky parkour manoeuvre that ended in few bruises, his friends who studied on the university thought it was a good idea to use the infirmary to patch him up, and then wild Isaac appeared, and his white coat and glasses apparently did it for Stephen.

As much as Thomas was concerned, he would say the plot was weak as morning coffee they had in cafeteria. But apparently where representation mattered, it was basically much better when no annoying drama got involved and it had a carefree flow, apart from the usual society problems Thomas kind expected to jump at them in the upcoming episodes somewhere.

“There are going to be snogging scenes.”

He almost jumped out of his skin when he heard the exasperated voice, and then once more when Newt sat heavily next to him and the chair squeaked.

“I just asked Jorge,” the blond added with a deep sigh and Thomas mentally ticked it in his to do list. He knew there were conditions like stunts and possible romantic storyline with physical exposure when he signed the contract for the series, but he had no idea his partner would be a guy he couldn’t stand even on his good day. Was this Jorge’s version of the get-along shirt?

“Amazing,” he commented and Newt hummed in agreement. Jorge recommended a solution for their antipathy – which naturally included more contact – but Thomas had a feeling it would only worsen their current relationship. So far he had no idea what Newt’s bad habits were because he never spent time with him, but if he added something seriously annoying to the already bothersome mix, murder would sound like a good solution.

“Let’s grab lunch together,” Newt stood up while glancing at his watch. “We can talk about it there.”

“Lunch,” Thomas repeated, because man, hearing that from Newt was seriously unreal. The blond looked at him with furrowed brows and took Thomas a second before he realized it was his way of saying: okay, we gotta work on our attitudes, so this is where it starts.

“Ye, you know. A place where they serve food for money,” Newt deadpanned. “I’m sure you’re familiar with the concept, at least from TV.”

“Just thinking if I want to ruin my day by spending it with you, is all,” Thomas shot back and it made Newt snort and shook his head.

“Great start, mop head,” he commented and started walking to the exit. “And they say I am defensive.”

Thomas wasn’t defensive, but maybe a little desperate.

***

“Look, I’m sure we both are professionals,” Thomas started when they finally found a free spot in a restaurant that led them to a secluded corner with small table and a candle in the middle. Thomas kind of thought this was on purpose, but he kept it to himself.

“Well, one of us definitely is,” Newt retorted without even looking at him, his eyes fixated onto a menu. Thomas wished he would order beer, so the waiter could tell him they are not serving alcohol to kids and he would have to give them his ID. “Your point?”

“We don’t need this torture,” Thomas decided not to snap at him for the time being. “It’s gonna be fine on set.”

That finally made Newt to glance at him.

“You think so?” he put down the menu and leaned a bit forward, his elbows on the desk. “So Jorge shouting at us because there is no chemistry whatsoever and it looks more like we want to kill each other, that’s fine by you?”

“He never said that,” Thomas disagreed stubbornly.

“He did,” Newt shrugged. “Sure, it was a year ago, but mate, I still feel like kicking your shin most of the time I see you, it kinda shows.”

“For you maybe-,”

“It shows for both of us,” Newt stopped him mid-sentence and sighed before getting back to the menu. “If you don’t believe me, ask the rest of the cast. Or the crew.”

Thomas didn’t need hear it from other sources to be able to tell Newt was right. The glares they occasionally sent to each other spoke volumes and he knew that, but he was almost sure it didn’t really show when they were on the set together, filming a scene. They were actors, it was their job to pretend to love people they didn’t fancy as much or at all, they were taking money for that kind of shit.

“So what’s your problem then?” he crossed his arms on his chest, looking at Newt expectantly. “Why am I on your shit list?”

“Why am I on yours?” Newt uttered lazily.

“I asked first.”

“It’s exactly this,” Newt finally stopped paying attention to the menu completely and closed it, then leaned back to the chair. “That thing you do all the time.”

“What thing?” Thomas raised an eyebrow and Newt gestured towards him with click of his tongue.

“That overbearing and unhealthy competitiveness,” the blond elaborated. “You hear an opinion and you immediately challenge it or you try to surpass it with me, me, me. Just talking to you about literally anything is a bloody waste of time because you’re unable to talk about anything else but you.”

Thomas blinked, then tilted his head to the side, and kept quiet. When nothing else from Newt came, he cleared his throat, just to be interrupted by a waiter asking for their orders and lighting up the candle between them with a weird smile.

Well, maybe not that weird, judging from where they were sitting. Thomas wondered what kind of bad karma was punishing him today, because he was slowly reaching his bullshit quota. Unhealthy competitiveness? Great! Maybe Newt could even make a whole psychological profile while at it!

“Don’t fry your brain, mop head,” Newt spoke up the moment the waiter left their table with orders. He reached for the candle and held his hand above the flame, changing heights like a kid that got a new toy. “I guess it’s just your thing. Rarely anybody acting like that realizes they are doing it. And if they do, they don’t care. Which is probably your case too.”

“Thanks, Dr. Freud,” Thomas forced out and pinched the bridge of his nose. The sole image of him having to pretend to be in love with this jerkface was making his blood boil. “I guess my reason is just that you’re such an insufferable brat I simply can’t stand you.”

“Well, it’s a start,” Newt uttered back and crossed his arms on his chest. “I propose to spend time together between sets, to go through the lines. If we won’t kill each other, I’m sure there is still hope for us to be able to survive the filming.”

“I refuse,” Thomas shot back without hesitation and it made Newt to bark out a laugh. “What.”

“Nothing, nothing,” the blond waved his hand, but kept on smiling and Thomas’ frown deepened. “It’s just that you’re such a kid all the time, it’s bloody hilarious.”

“If this is supposed to help me not to hate you, then you’re doing a very bad job,” Thomas warned him and then the waiter was back with their food, to which Thomas completely lost his appetite. Newt was still grinning at him like he won some sort of competition, and if it had been a race of who will get pissy first, Thomas had to admit he did lose.

“Hate is such a strong word though,” Newt commented with apparent amusement and pulled the plate with his lunch closer to him. “You shouldn’t use it so deliberately. What if there would be somebody you’d hate even more?”

“I don’t think it’s possible at this moment,” Thomas gritted through his teeth and it finally made Newt to stop with the nit-picking and his face turned a little more serious again.

“Alright, sorry,” the blond gestured with his fork. “Not going to push you anymore. Was just wondering how much you can take.”

“Not much more than this, I assure you,” Thomas said gruffly and Newt still had the nerve to smirk at him.

“Are you not going to eat?” he pointed at Thomas’ plate and when Thomas made a face, he insolently stole a fry and ate it. Thomas was sure one of them was not going to survive the filming at the end of the season.

***

“Can you stop glaring at me?”

Thomas groaned and put down the script with a loud bang against the table. Newt was in front of him, in his stupid oversized sweater and crazy hair and Thomas was literally on edge.

“Does it matter? It’s just a script reading,” he growled at him and heard Minho next to him laugh. Jorge on the other side of the table shook his head.

“Thomas, pull yourself together,” he said with a strict voice he usually reserved on sets when they kept on butchering the lines, and Thomas wanted to point at Newt and shout it’s all his fault! But he didn’t, because of course not, that would be childish and something Newt apparently wanted to provoke out of him. That little blond shit was taunting him from the first moment they sat down in the meeting room and he kept on smirking at him even when there were no lines they had together, and Thomas felt his blood pressure rising. Seriously, this couldn’t be healthy.

“Sorry,” he managed to bit out and looked back into the script where he was supposed to be flirting with Isaac, but it got out of him as a death sentence. Even he heard that, so naturally there was no denying it, and Newt just had to point it out in front of everybody.

“Minho, continue from the second paragraph,” Jorge commanded and the room grew quiet. Thomas wondered if he could fake a voice loss for a month or two, maybe it would help him get his shit together while avoiding his co-star like a plague.

***

“Oi, come here.”

Thomas almost did a pirouette when a hand stopped him from his march out of the building, and before he could properly react, he got dragged inside of the now empty meeting room by Newt. The cast was already gone and most of the crew as well, the studio was filled only by low hum from cameras not yet turned off.

“What now,” he sighed unhappily and the blond leaned against the table and crossed his arms on his chest.

“How did you get hurt?” he asked and Thomas stared at him like he lost his mind. Hurt? Him?

“What?”

“How. Did. You. Get. Hurt?”

Thomas opened his mouth to call him an idiot, but then it hit him. It was the line from the script. Newt’s character line from the dialogue the two of them had and kind of failed in the script reading this morning.

There was a small moment of him wanting to leave, because he was still bitter about the morning scene, but Newt was apparently trying to make amends and Thomas would be against himself if he just left without even giving it a chance.

He shook his head and reached for the door so he could close it while Newt watched him from his spot, and then took a deep breath.

“Tried to conquer the walls,” he finally responded with his line and it was easier without people staring at him, expecting to bite Newt’s head off. “They kind of won.”

“I can see that,” Newt continued, the exasperation easily believable. He pushed away from the table and took several cautious steps closer to Thomas, then lifted his chin and turned his head from one side to another.

Right, injuries from the fall. Isaac was supposed to check them and treat them.

“Huh, you have really long eyelashes,” he said then and Thomas blinked. That wasn’t in the script, he was sure of it.

“Are you improvising or is it just a statement?” he broke the character too, tilting his head to the side and Newt let his hand fall back again.

“A statement,” he answered with a shrug. “Sorry. Just never noticed that.” Then he looked Thomas up and down. “This should get treated.”

Is he back in the rehearsing scene? Jesus.

“Are you always this on and off?” Thomas asked instead and Newt’s lips curled up in a smile. For once it even looked genuine.

“I might be,” he admitted. He was almost the same height as Thomas, but definitely thinner and lankier. With the oversized sweater he reminded him of a kid that got lost in a filming studio, especially with his baby face. “And I might have an idea too.”

“An idea?” Thomas crossed his arms on his chest, because hey, so far Newt’s ideas were only making things worse, so he was right to be wary.

“Like, I’m aware you don’t like me, and that’s fine,” Newt made a vague gesture towards them both and Thomas only nodded in agreement. The antipathy was there and he would be lying if he tried to tell him the opposite all of sudden, especially after yesterday. “So consider this – stay in character.”

“I do stay in character-,”

“I mean stay in character all the time you’re around me,” Newt stopped his immediate defence swiftly. “And I’ll stay in mine. So every time we will interact, just let Stephen and Isaac do it.”

“I don’t follow,” Thomas sighed in exasperation. What was that supposed to be about? “What if I’m going to need something not work related or-?”

“Stay in character even for personal-related things, for work things, for all things, with me,” Newt proposed. “Think of it as a roleplay? Ever done that?”

“Roleplay,” Thomas repeated the word with raised eyebrows and all he could think of was Dungeons and Dragons or something really kinky. “Well, not outside of work, I guess.”

“It’s a perfect way how to get into the character and understand him better,” Newt explained with strange happiness around him and Thomas gulped down the comment he probably did it a bit too often. “And maybe it’s what we need as well. If you think of me as of Isaac?”

It was true Isaac was rather interesting character – the show portrayed him as smart, a little geeky, but fun, and with sharp sense of humour. Apart from Newt’s own stubbornness and nasty comments it could be a nice change.

“Okay then,” he agreed in the end, because what was there to lose? Apart from some dignity, he mused, because as much as being an actor made his living, playing the character outside of it sounded more like a chore than fun. Then again – if he had to do that only around Newt, it could work.

“Great, it’s settled then,” another genuine smile and it felt like aura around Newt changed somehow, it was almost eerie. “I’ll see you around.”

“Yeah,” Thomas managed and Newt was out of the door in a second, leaving the brunet alone and confused. He was a little worried this state would be a norm around the guy from now on.

***

“Morning,” Thomas yawned on his way to the table, coffee in hand and several greetings echoed back at him, Newt’s included. It sounded friendly and Thomas had to do a double take before he reminded himself it was supposed to be that way because they weren’t them, but their friendlier counterparts. He seated himself across the blond and glanced at him out of curiosity, just to get another smile in response before he looked back at Jorge, leaving Thomas in slight stupor.

So this was how Newt interpreted Isaac? Thomas wasn’t sure if it made him uncomfortable more than his usual snide remarks for how big the change was, but at the end of the meeting he felt a little more relaxed around him at least, because apparently no verbal attack was coming. Newt behaved like there was no bad blood between them and the lines reading was easy and probably surprising for the rest of the cast. At least Jorge looked satisfied at the end, which was a small victory.

“Lunch?” Newt asked him at noon and Thomas thought it was fine to say sure more easily now.

They grabbed food and actually talked about non-work related things without any poison threw in, which made Thomas conflicted as hell. He felt like he was sitting on needles for about first 20 minutes in, during the menu studying and ordering and sipping his soda, like the attack could have happen anytime and he needed to be ready, but Newt sat on the opposite side of the table like a holy picture, smiling and telling him about a football game that happened last night (and Thomas missed it because sleep was too demanding) and not a single bad thing fell from his mouth. Not even a dirty comment about Thomas’ obvious lack of knowledge about football teams – Newt actually explained why he liked his own team (apparently family fixation, so he was a long-time fan) and what games have great moments in it and Thomas found himself relaxed and listening for the first time ever when in Newt’s company.

“You strike me as a sports fan,” Newt offered leisurely while poking in his food. He barely ate anything since he mostly talked, but somehow didn’t even look like he had the appetite.

“I’m more of a baseball fan,” Thomas responded easily and wondered if this was even allowed. Was he supposed to talk about himself or about Stephen? He made a mental note to ask Newt at some point, but so far it looked like the blond was talking about his own hobbies rather than about Isaac’s, but he couldn’t be sure. He knew Stephen was more into adrenaline sports, especially the ones he could do himself, rather than watching others to do it, but Thomas liked all his limbs intact and not broken, so he was mostly Stephen’s opposite. “Long time Mets supporter.”

“Nice. Watched baseball sometimes with my uncle,” Newt flashed him another oh-so-genuine smile and Thomas felt himself tensing again, alert and ready for a flip without any real means to. The difference from normal Newt and Isaac’s Newt was huge, to the point of worrying, and Thomas couldn’t help but wonder how much of a self-control it had to take for Newt to maintain this happy-to-go attitude with him when normally he was about to bite Thomas’ head off.

He took a breath to point it out, but then deflated when Newt finally started eating, relaxed and for the lack of better word vulnerable. Attacking him now in any way was low even for their normal interactions.

He kept his peace for the remainder of their break.

***

“You sound angry.”

Thomas stopped mid move when Newt’s words flew over to him, blinking in confusion. The scene was called cut a few seconds ago for another take and Thomas wasn’t really thinking about why, since Jorge didn’t really pinpoint anything being wrong. They were in Isaac’s lab, the crew around them busy as bees, preparing for another take, the cameras pointed at him and Newt with deadly accuracy.

“Angry?” he repeated and Newt walked towards him with thoughtful expression.

“Yeah, like. You’re mad about something,” he gesticulated between then while he stopped in front of Thomas. “I don’t know if it’s intentional. The script doesn’t really say he should be angry, but it’s kind of sharp from you?”

“Oh,” Thomas cleared his throat. It was actually a valid point. Not even an attack, more like an observation. Newt was trying to be helpful. Towards Thomas. Without malice. So weird.

“You’re right,” he admitted, taking the script to his hand from the table behind the scene, going through it. “I’ll try to soften it a bit.”

Newt nodded, still thoughtful, and retreated back to his spot. He was in the white lab coat and had thick, black glasses and wild hair and Thomas caught himself staring without any means to do that. He had seen him in his getup before, it was nothing new. Yet somehow it was like interacting with a completely different person and when Jorge came back and the scene played out again, he found himself talking softer and Newt’s eyes told him it hit the right spot.

The scene didn’t need to be repeated anymore and Jorge patted them happily on the back. Thomas pretended he didn’t see the smile Newt sent his way.

***

The days passed and the strange roleplay approach worked like a charm. Even the crew noticed and the cast was commenting on it at readings repeatedly, but without real heat. Neither Thomas or Newt elaborated though, and it was probably for the best to keep it at vague we talked it out.

He thought he was going to be much more opposed to the romance progression part in the story, but when the more intimate scenes started, Thomas didn’t have an urge to strangle Newt anymore, so he had to admit Newt’s idea wasn’t bad. The story romance was cheesy but slow and getting accustomed to Newt’s Isaac was no work, since they did that the whole time now.

“Gotta work on your stiffness,” Newt piped after the wrap up when the crew was packing up and they were putting costumes away. “You’re like a wooden board when we touch.”

“I guess that’s my default setting,” Thomas joked back because he had no idea what else to say. He was aware every time Newt touched him (and they weren’t even in the intimate part of touching yet), his body seized up and he moved like a robot for the remainder of the recording, mechanical and unattached. It wasn’t like he expected a punch or anything, but his brain didn’t get it yet. “I will work on it.”

He saw Newt nod in the corner of his eye when he was pulling the shirt over his head and then yelped when he got seized in a strong hug from behind, clutching him like a vice.

“What the-!”

“Practice.” Newt squeezed a bit more and then finally lost the strength Thomas would never believe he possessed in that lanky body of his. He still held on though and Thomas hung there helplessly like a doll. It was uncomfortable and weird angle too, but Newt didn’t look like he cared.

Well, when he ever did?

“This is not really helping though,” he commented with a huff, letting his arms fall and Newt barked out a laugh. He was plastered over half of Thomas’ back and his side, just holding him like a teddy bear, and his body was warm like a thermo blanket.

“Don’t worry, it will,” he assured him, gave him one last squeeze and then finally let go. Thomas wasn’t surprised by the big grin he had when he turned around to tell him off. So he let the words die in his throat and only shook his head.

Newt did the hugging thing every day after and Thomas resigned to his fate after a week (once he even leapt to Thomas’ arms without any warning except shouting sike! and Thomas had to praise himself for actually catching him properly while swearing like a sailor). He pointedly ignored Minho’s smartass commentary about it though.

***

It was usually Newt that approached Thomas on his own, either with some work-related questions or even a simple talk and for some reason Thomas started to expect their daily 15 minutes of freestyle since then. Maybe that was why today he was so weirded out when Newt didn’t really do that before the reading, or after reading, or for lunch. He saw him several times during the day usually staring into his phone or talking to somebody else, but he didn’t make a move towards Thomas at any given time. True, they there were no scenes involving them together scheduled, but normally it didn’t stop him.

Thomas, to his dismay, realized he grew restless.

When he saw Newt again in the hall, he decided to be a big boy and start conversation on his own, even though he had no idea why. He grabbed two cups of coffee on the way (one with milk and sugar, one purely black) and let his legs carry him all the way towards his blond nemesis, who was staring into his phone again.

On one note Thomas hoped nothing serious happened, and that care alone surprised him. Just a month ago he wouldn’t give a rat ass about Newt’s problems, so this was definitely new. And concerning, really.

Then again that’s what you get when you act like a decent being, I guess.

“You seem awfully quiet today,” he greeted him with an outstretched hand holding the cup and Newt glanced up from his phone with badly masked surprise. Thomas would even say it could equal a shock for a split second before he mastered it enough to hide it.

“Oh,” he let out, kind of lamely, and Thomas had to clear his throat for the blond to notice the coffee. When he finally took it, Thomas felt a wave of relief he wasn’t turned down. Somehow, he already dismantled most of his defence mechanisms against this guy; it would suck if he allowed being vulnerable now just for Newt to blew it out of blue.

“It’s black,” the blond commented when he sipped the coffee, his brows furrowed. Thomas made a humming noise.

“You drink it black, as far as I know?” he offered and Newt’s eyes searched for his. It was a weird look, like he didn’t know what to do or say.

It’s just a coffee though, sheesh.

“I do,” he replied after a moment.

“Okay.”

“You remembered,” Newt added a little more hesitantly. “That I drink it black.”

“Yes?” Thomas raised his eyebrows. “I mean you always drink black, it’s kind of easy to remember?”

“No, I mean…” he stared a bit more, but then averted his eyes. “Never mind. Thanks.”

The uneasy feeling of something being wrong creeped into Thomas’ stomach almost instantly. He stood there in complete stupor, no words coming out of his mouth, paralyzed of the sudden change he got so easily unaccustomed to in a span of several weeks. Newt was not looking at him and Thomas wanted to ask if the roleplay was over and they were about to be mean to each other again, but couldn’t get it past his lips.

“So, what do you want?” Newt finally asked and it was bizarre to hear now. What would Thomas want from his colleague he spent few weeks talking daily to about any possible thing? Gee, who knew. Was him doing the first step not allowed?

He didn’t say anything because he had no idea what would be an appropriate response Stephen would give. At this point he drew blank even for his own reactions. When Newt glanced at him worriedly, he wanted to ask why the hell was he making that face, but at the same time didn’t want to know.

“And here we can see two awkward roosters in their natural habitat,” came suddenly from behind them and an arm landed on Thomas’ shoulders, almost making him spill the coffee. Minho shook him like a rag doll, grinning from ear to ear. He didn’t even hear him coming. “Never saw courting so painful than with you two, I swear.”

Newt made a face and Thomas felt his stomach drop somewhere between his legs.

“Fuck off,” he shot out and shook off Minho’s arm unhappily, pushed his coffee to his hand and left the hall like a tidal wave.

He ignored his phone for the rest of the day. It was constantly beeping.

***

He had never seen anybody with deadlier puppy eyes than Newt had. The moment he arrived on set and before he could even greet anybody and get a cup of coffee, the blond was there, gazing at him with the ultimate weapon of mass destruction, and it didn’t get any better with time.

“Okay, I’ll bite, what’re you doing?” he finally confronted him, arms crossed on his chest, and Newt gave him almost a full body shrug. The meeting room was half empty and Newt was following him around the whole day like a sad dog. Thomas didn’t even read the messages from yesterday and already knew they were from him and what approximately they said.

“Trying to make you feel sorry for me, naturally,” he replied with ease. “Is it working?”

“Sorry for you,” Thomas repeated with raised eyebrows. “For what?”

“For being a target of somebody’s ire.”

Somebody as in Thomas, no manual needed.

“Shouldn’t you be doing that at them in that case?” he decided to play the game as well, because for some reason the Newt’s Isaac was back and yesterday’s Newt’s Newt departed once more like a glitch in Matrix. Thomas didn’t lose any sleep over it, but then again, he went to bed so late there was almost no sleep to be talking about.

It wasn’t because of Newt though. Why would it be, even?

Newt made a face at him, but the puppy eyes resumed right after.

“I don’t know,” he shrugged again. “They’re stubborn.”

“That so.”

“Yeah,” the blond took few steps closer. “Need them not to be mad. Want to kiss them.”

“Wait, what-,“ Thomas barely get the words out and Newt was already in his personal space, hands on his cheeks and leaning in and Thomas felt like he was losing balance for how much he was trying to avoid him, and would probably fall flat on his ass if Newt didn’t grab him around his waist to prop him back up.

“Nice gymnastics, you two!” Minho shouted from the table and Thomas felt the heat rising up in his cheeks, his body pressed against Newts’ from their chest to their knees while he heard others snapping pictures of them.

“Are you fucking nuts?!” he hissed at Newt in a hushed whisper and the blond grinned, not letting go.

“Nah, but I’m helping,” he had the audacity to squish Thomas’ cheeks and Thomas grabbed him by his wrists to stop him. Newt didn’t budge and that unnatural strength was beginning to make Thomas worry.

“To my grave, yeah, you are,” he growled and Newt laughed quietly while his hands finally let go of Thomas’ face.

“It’s today, you know,” he said with a smirk and Thomas frowned. “The snogging scene. It’s today.”

“It’s today?!”

“Today.”

Thomas blamed Newt for not knowing and not checking the plan yesterday and for the sleep and bad mood too – and quite frankly even for the spoiled food he found in the fridge because Newt was weird and out of what Thomas was used to and it threw him off more than he thought it would and it sucked.

The hands on his cheeks were back and then there were also lips on his own, smooching him like grandma visiting on Christmas along with obnoxiously loud mwuah and the cameras snapping were even louder now, throwing Thomas into a murderous spree.

“You-!”

“Meet me in five at the trailer and let me snog you right, dog,” Newt stopped him from the outburst and pinched his cheeks, then let go. “No homo.”

“Fuck you!” Thomas barked with his chest heaving at Newt’s retreat back, and the blond glanced back at him and smiled.

“No u.”

And left.

***

In retrospect coming after Newt to the designated meeting spot was a bad idea, but Thomas had seen red and didn’t care. He had no idea what the hell was the blondie thinking and he was about to shake it out of him if he had to, truce be damned.

“My, don’t you look ravishing,” Newt greeted him between the doors with a chuckle and if Thomas was just a bit angrier, he would probably greet him back with a fist in his face.

“I thought you said we’re going to be fucking civil with each other,” he barked instead and Newt tilted his head in silent question. “Your stupid roleplay shit! And then you pull this out?”

“What’s this?” the blond opposed calmly. “Don’t tell me you’re angry over one smooch. What’re you going to do after the rehearsals with the crew watching us make out? Kill me?”

“Listen-,”

“No, you listen,” Newt stopped with an exasperated sigh. He ran his hand through his hair, making it even messier than normally, and his shoulders sagged down as if he flipped a switch. “I’m sorry I was a dick yesterday. I guess it threw you off and it’s my fault, and I want to make amends.”

Thomas opened his mouth in opposition before it dawned on him that Newt was, in fact, apologizing. He had to do a double take and run it again in his head until he was sure he heard him right, and it still didn’t really make it as believable.

“Oh,” he let out.

“And also, I wasn’t lying about the snogging shooting, so,” the blond took a step away from the door and gestured for Thomas to enter. “I’m sorry and let’s try it before we look like complete idiots in front of everybody else.”

Let’s try to snog, that definitely wasn’t something he thought he would ever hear from this guy. It must have showed in his face since Newt’s mouth curved up in obvious amusement.

“I know right? What’s been happening to us lately,” he commented on it like he read Thomas’ mind and then reached for his shirt and pulled him in the trailer. Thomas wanted to comment on how damn stupid it must have looked to anybody outside, but Newt was already kissing him without even a word of warning and Thomas was too stunned to move.

There was a pressure and a hand on the back of Thomas’ neck, but other than that nothing else really happened and then Newt was pulling away, looking at him with mild annoyance.

“Can you do something better than the dead fish lips?” he asked and Thomas blinked, his vocal cords not working in the slightest. He could imagine all kind of things happening with Newt – a fist in his face, a vicious prank of sitting on a pin, but being kissed when not in front of a camera (since that’s where it was supposed to happen) was not one of them.

“Uh oh,” the blond stepped away. “Did I break you?”

“I think so,” Thomas heard himself saying. He couldn’t really recall much about the kiss, his brain drew a blissful blank, not even how long exactly it was, but he knew it happened. “Little warning next time?”

“Isn’t the shock value counting as a plus point though?” Newt‘s face relaxed and even smiled and Thomas shook his head.

“Not if you aren’t trying to cause me a heart-attack,” he commented sternly and then took a deep breath. “Fine, okay. I’m ready.”

“So clinical,” Newt rolled his eyes and took a step forward but Thomas’ hand flew up and spread in the middle of Newt’s chest, stopping him. “What now?”

“Is it supposed to be Isaac to take the lead?”

It was a valid question, because Thomas didn’t see Isaac as a leading man for this kind of thing. But then again, he purposely left the snogging scenes be so he couldn’t say.

“Yes,” Newt shrugged. “Think nerds don’t take initiative?”

Thomas rumbled but let his hand fall down.

“You didn’t even read it, did you,” the blond smirked. “You left those scenes alone.”

It’s not like Newt could read Thomas mind, but lately it felt like he did and it was terrifying.

“Maybe,” he let out grudgingly.

“You’re adorable.”

“Shut up, nerd.”

“That’s not very Stephen of you,” Newt commented with a grin and he looked so smug Thomas couldn’t stand that. He grabbed the blond by the collar of his stupid striped shirt and pulled him forward until their lips met in the middle, along with Newt’s yelp somewhere in between.

It was mostly just pressure with almost no movement of the lips, like proving a point he could do it as well without warning if he wanted to, and for a while it kind of worked, since Newt was standing on the spot like a frozen statue.

“Hmm,” Thomas pulled away with a cocky smile, drinking in Newt’s wide eyes. “Can you do something better than the dead fish lips?”

“Jesus fucking Christ,” the blond breathed out and quite frankly Thomas expected him to lean back in, since he presented it as a challenge, but still didn’t think it would be open mouthed and pushing and that there is going to be tongue involved right off the bat. He made a muffled noise when Newt stepped even closer and grabbed Thomas by his waist, bringing them chest to chest, kissing him so deeply it made his head spin.

Was it supposed to be like this? It didn’t even feel like simple kissing anymore, but make out with the way Newt’s hands started to travel over Thomas’ back and his sides and hips and even fucking squeezed his butt few times. He was tilting his head and pushing into Thomas so insistently it felt like he just wanted him horizontal in near future and Thomas felt his body moving backwards, step by step until his back hit the wall and he made another muffled noise that should have showed his discomfort but Newt probably didn’t even hear it.

It felt like forever before Newt finally pulled away, drawing in a shaking breath, his eyes still closed and lips almost red. Thomas couldn’t help but think he looked like he was ready to shoot a porn scene, with his ruffled hair and heavy breathing and like, everything, but quickly got rid of the thought. Newt, out of all people, definitely didn’t look erotic to him. No fucking way.

“You done?” he croaked out, cursing his own voice to be so weak in a situation like this, and Newt finally opened his eyes, almost black how his pupils were blown wide and had the audacity to shook his head.

“Not in the slightest,” he replied in a low voice, so low Thomas barely heard it, and his hands, up until now resting on Thomas’ hips, travelled up, dragging over Thomas’ shirt up to his neck, warm and sure. The silence in the trailer was almost suffocating, making Thomas hear his own heartbeat so clearly he was almost sure Newt had to hear it too.

“Newt-,”

“Not at all,” the blond didn’t let him speak, his thumbs started caressing Thomas’ jaw and before Thomas could at least ask him what the hell was wrong with him, he was already being kissed again, gentler this time, but not less lewd with all the tongue, and Thomas found out he couldn’t move, like his body rooted to the spot. The blood was now roaring in his ears and he was goddamn confused about it, because it was Newt kissing him, Newt being here, crowding him against the wall in the trailer, holding him on the spot by caressing his neck and his face and kissing him like he wanted to do it for ages and then some. The same Newt he hated to bits just a month ago, who was bitter and sarcastic and never said a nice word to Thomas.

Was this some sort of revenge, maybe? Some elaborate prank he played, maybe with a camera rolling from a hiding spot, so he could laugh about it later with others? His let’s try it before actually shooting the scene in front of the crew now blurred together with unreasonable making out and Thomas was damn sure they didn’t need to do this much up until who knew when in the shooting.

Yet he still didn’t push Newt away. Hell, he even participated in the kiss – slowly, maybe, hesitantly, but he wasn’t just taking it like a figurine either, no matter how hard he would try to deny that. So when Newt let go of him with a slow exhale and his hands slowly fell from Thomas’ neck, Thomas was at loss of what to say. He couldn’t really accuse him of anything, though maybe he sort of wanted to, but words simply didn’t come.

“Well,” Newt finally broke the silence, stepping away. “I think we’re good.”

He cleared his throat about three times and it felt awkward, like the reality caught up with him and now he was internally screaming. Thomas was surprised his own inner monologue stopped instead, only accompanied by a low hum of his thoughts.

“Right?” the blond finally looked up from the floor he was hypnotizing since the kiss ended and Thomas stared back at him in silence. He could still feel Newt’s mouth on his own and he licked his lower lip without even thinking about it and Newt’s eyes followed the movement with wide eyes.

“Right,” Thomas said eventually, refusing to try deciphering that particular look, and left before Newt could say anything else.

***

Hiding was a wrong word to use for Thomas’ current behaviour. He wasn’t hiding at all. He didn’t have a reason to hide, what happened was Newt’s initiative and Newt’s alone. If he ever wanted to make Thomas guilty about it, Thomas was ready to kick him back with something equally nasty, like you were the first who stuck his tongue into my throat or grabbing my ass or rubbing against me – which he was by the way, he totally was at some point but Thomas didn’t want to think about that. Hell, he tried to push it out of his mind the whole time between sets while reading the incriminated scene in the script (damn Newt being right about Isaac taking initiative, damn him), up until he couldn’t anymore because it was the scene, and Newt was standing in front of the camera already in the white lab coat and crazy hair and Jorge was talking to him about something and Thomas felt his legs turning to jelly.

“Oi, don’t look so scared,” Newt’s voice flew over to him, making Thomas’ stomach make a double flip. “We practiced, right?”

“If you call that a practice…” Thomas uttered under his breath, but at least he felt little less intimidated when the Newt in the trailer with almost black eyes and heaving chest and red lips bruised from kissing got replaced by this cocky shit again. Jorge was behind the camera and Thomas had to mentally praise him for not grinning at them like a loon and making it even more awkward.

Because if anything, awkward definitely fitted the description the best and probably even more so after the practice Newt put him through. At least most of the crew left, even though they usually only did when there were more intimate scenes involved, but Thomas was still grateful he didn’t need to try and ignore Minho making faces at him from behind the scene.

When the camera started rolling and their lines flowing in, Thomas was surprised he didn’t feel nervous as much as he thought he would. If anything, he was anticipating, because he knew how Newt felt already against him, so when the blond stepped close with the scripted line and touched Thomas’ chest in the middle, he was ready for the tongue and teeth and hands everywhere and maybe even the butt touching because Newt did that plenty.

But then there was pressure on his lips and a gentle touch of hand on his cheek for split second and then Newt was pulling away, eyes downcast, small smile playing on his, no, on Isaac’s lips, and it was over.

He couldn’t help but gawk at him, and quite frankly wasn’t even surprised when Jorge ended the scene and called him out for looking like somebody just told him he lost the raffle for a teddy bear and demanded a retake.

“Uh, yeah, sorry,” he responded sheepishly and they started anew, the marks, the lines, the touch on his chest, the fucking innocent peck on his lips, the small smile scripted to a tiniest detail, the end. Thomas still gawked and Jorge let out a sigh, giving them ten minutes before trying again.

“What’s wrong with you?” Newt asked him like there was nothing wrong going on, like he didn’t just endlessly grope him in the trailer and then kiss him here like grandma on Christmas visit. Thomas wanted to tell him, he wanted to throw it in his face, but he just couldn’t bring himself to.

“Sorry,” he repeated, clearing his throat. Jorge didn’t say anything about the kiss, only about Thomas’ bewildered expression, so there probably wasn’t anything bad about it, but it still felt like… nothing. In comparison, at least.

“You really did look like somebody stole your cookie though,” the blond poured oil into the fire and had the audacity to smirk as well. “Didn’t we practice?”

“Not enough tongue here, I guess,” Thomas bit back and felt a small amount of satisfaction when Newt averted his eyes with small hitch of his breath.

“Well, it’s not really in the script,” he mumbled after, almost grudgingly and Thomas took a deep breath.

“Interesting,” he commented. Nothing else. Newt kept his eyes casted on the floor, looking stiff and uncomfortable and Thomas wondered if he kept quiet long enough, if he would elaborate. He did not, not until Jorge got back, sent Thomas questioning glance and he managed to muster a smile.

The camera rolled again, the lines, the touch, the kiss, Thomas forced himself to look happy and Jorge was looking satisfied at the end. He even praised him with a pat on his back and when Thomas turned back towards Newt, he realized the blond was already gone.

Typical.

***

They didn’t have any shooting together the next day and Thomas frankly wasn’t surprised he didn’t even catch a brief glance of Newt. Probably for the best too, since his mood was so bad, he would probably only bark at him and neither of them needed that. He barely slept, his thoughts kept on swirling around the weird intimacy Newt showed him and then proceeded to be shy about it, and it just didn’t make any sense.

“Newt called in sick,” Minho told him around lunch, sitting next to him when Thomas nursed his coffee and only nibbled his food with fork. He ordered Chinese and it was great but his appetite probably called in sick as well.

“Mhm,” he let out. No surprise there, probably. Thomas thought he should have been relieved but quite frankly nothing much came.

“Didn’t text you?” Minho asked, eyebrows raised and Thomas sipped his coffee.

“Nope,” he responded coldly. “Am I his mum or something?”

“No, but you do spend lots of time together lately,” his friend shrugged. He meant well, probably, but obviously wanted some gossip too. Thomas couldn’t blame him. “Thought you’d know.”

“Nah, he’s sulking now,” Thomas uttered and Minho’s expression changed to a surprised one. “Better leave him to it, I guess.”

“Sulking cuz of the snogging?” Came a question and Thomas had a fleeting panic reaction of Minho knowing about the trailer make out, but he squashed it fast. “I thought it went well?”

“Yeah, was fine,” Thomas waved his hand. “He’s just being weirder than normally about it.”

“Huh,” Minho propped his chin on his palm. “Thought you’d be the one freaking out, not him.”

“Same.”

“But maybe it’s cuz he likes you,” his colleague offered with an absolute calm. “So kissing you sorta flipped his switch?”

Thomas glanced at Minho with a sigh. It probably looked that way from outsider’s point of view, he mused. Newt suddenly being nice to him, asking him to go for lunch together and then having all those weird quirks like hugging all of sudden or smooching him in front of everybody and all in all being quite affectionate, so coming to a conclusion of falling in love was logical. They didn’t know it was Isaac’s character and Isaac’s quirks and Isaac’s affection that Newt played, that it was part of the deal between them. All fake and calculated, all according to plan… until the trailer. Or so Thomas thought, because even though Newt was so confident in there, in the aftermath he just looked vulnerable and guilty, as if he took it too far but didn’t know how to remedy that.

Thomas kind of wanted an explanation. Anything would do, really, but Newt didn’t say anything, so Thomas decided to ignore it as well. Not that it was possible to just forget about it, but not talking about it worked.

“You know what,” he pushed away the plate and put down the coffee. “You’re probably right. He’s totally in love with me and he stayed home cuz he has to think of an elaborate love confession that will sweep me off my feet.”

Minho made a face but left him alone. Thomas was really looking forward to his day off tomorrow.

***

NEWT: So now you’re sulking?

Thomas blearily looked at his phone, the clock showed something past nine in the morning and he would never believe a text alert could actually wake him up.

THOMAS: What

NEWT: You’re not here, so I’m asking if you’re sulking

THOMAS: Weren’t you the first one to sulk yesterday?

NEWT: Called in sick

THOMAS: Yeah, aka sulking.

NEWT: I was sick, not sulking

THOMAS: Convenient.

NEWT: Was throwing up

THOMAS: Sure you were.

NEWT: C’mon, were you lonely?

THOMAS: Just enjoyed some peace and quiet for a change.

NEWT: You were and now you’re sulking

THOMAS: It’s my day off, Romeo. Fuck off my DMs.

NEWT: Wait, what

THOMAS: DAY OFF. LET ME SLEEP. FUCK YOU.

NEWT: In that order?

“Jesus fucking Christ,” he groaned and plopped the phone next to him on the bed, ignoring how it beeped several more times. He planned to sleep the whole day.

***

NEWT: Jesus, it’s so boring here without you

THOMAS: You’ll live.

NEWT: You should stop by

THOMAS: I don’t want to get molested, so no.

NEWT: Molested? Preposterous

THOMAS: You’re an old pervert.

NEWT: I’m quite young tho

THOMAS: Still a pervert to the boot. Touching my butt and all, no manners.

NEWT: I never said I have manners

THOMAS: I already knew you didn’t have any manners, trust me. No illusions.

NEWT: See so don’t act surprised

THOMAS: I was hella surprised, but I admit not really about the practice kissing as I was about the scripted one.

NEWT: Oh yeah not enough tongue

THOMAS: Like you got all shy.

NEWT: I got all professional

THOMAS: So the practice was all personal?

Thomas wasn’t surprised when no reply came.

***

NEWT: Sorta was personal yeah

The clock showed something past 7 in the evening and Thomas didn’t expect Newt to reply anymore. It took him three hours, but the text actually came and Thomas was staring at it with Who framed Roger Rabbit playing in the background.

THOMAS: Took you three hours to come up with that?

NEWT: If you didn’t notice I’m at work

THOMAS: No, I didn’t, you’re bothering me the whole day.

NEWT: I’m making it more pleasant you mean

THOMAS: No, not really.

NEWT: Liar

THOMAS: So what was personal about it?

NEWT: Your butt was

“Fucker, you just can’t give me a straight answer, huh,” Thomas grumbled, debating with himself if he wanted to continue the pointless conversation or not. Newt was all bold over the phone which was frustrating – in person he would never tell him all these things.

THOMAS: So you decided to practice some French on me cuz of my butt.

NEWT: Huh that sounds like a better excuse than the one I had prepared

THOMAS: You’re so fucking annoying. Just tell me wtf it was already or I’m turning my phone off.

NEWT: Damn you so mean today

THOMAS: Turning it off.

NEWT: Nononono wait

Thomas frowned and sent a question mark instead. He would rather to hear it personally but if Newt needed to hide behind the texts, maybe it was for the best.

NEWT: I’m totally in love with you and wanted to kiss you and grope your butt cuz yolo

THOMAS: Fuck off.

NEWT: What it’s a legitimate reason and also totally believable cuz Minho said so

THOMAS: Maybe you need better friends.

NEWT: Please love me back baby

THOMAS: You’re not my type.

NEWT: Don’t break my heart :(

THOMAS: I don’t like blond people.

NEWT: You don’t like … WHAT

NEWT: ARE YOU FOR REAL

NEWT: YOU HEATEN

THOMAS: Blond people are meh. All stupid. No brains, ever. It’s the bleach.

NEWT: Bleach! But I’m natural c’mon

THOMAS: That’s even worse. You were born with small to none brain already. You’re doomed to be an idiot for the rest of your life.

NEWT: Oof you real mean now

THOMAS: Newt.

NEWT: Yes

THOMAS: Seriously. Be honest with me.

NEWT: I’m honest. I’m really a natural blond

THOMAS: Do you like me or something? Or you hate me and thought it was a good prank? Or you went with the flow and sort of didn’t think of consequences cuz the kissing was nice? Did you freak out after and did the lame kissing thing during the scene on purpose? Or did you want to throw me off by it?

NEWT: Yes

THOMAS: Yes which.

NEWT: Just yes you can pick the one you like the most

Thomas turned his phone off and left it that way for the rest of the day.

***

It was Newt’s day off, Thomas knew that. Maybe that was why he went to work less stressed than in an opposite situation, but hated it all the same. Stressing himself over Newt was never really a thing, but he was always somewhere on his mind even before, though only because he found him annoying. But now it was different, tugging in the back of his consciousness and demanding attention 24/7, which quite frankly started to be a problem. Yesterday text exchange didn’t help matters either – it actually only made it worse.

“Wasn’t it your day off? You look like shit.”

Thomas stopped abruptly when Newt’s voice came and then there was coffee in his field of vision and a veiny hand that was holding it, and Newt stood there in white shirt and jeans, offering him the cup.

“Whose fault you think it is?” he barked and didn’t take the coffee in defiance. Newt looked guilty and it served him right.

“Yeah, I know,” the blond admitted and Thomas heard the sound of the cup hitting the table while he was on his way to the changing room. “Look, I’m sorry.”

“You came here today to tell me that?” Thomas refused to look at him. “You could have sent a text. You’re good at that.”

“You turned your phone off,” Newt opposed and caught up with him enough to walk beside him now.

“I told you I would if you keep that up,” Thomas uttered and was glad nobody else was here yet, since hearing them arguing about this was honestly slightly embarrassing.

“I know.”

He didn’t say anything else and Thomas was at the end of his rope.

“Jesus, what else do you want from me?” he finally stopped and looked at the infuriating man next to him in anger. “I played your stupid roleplay game, your practice game, your texting game and your hugging spree and I just don’t want to anymore, I’ve had enough. So just tell me the punchline already so we can go back to hating each other without pretending we’re fine!”

Newt took a deep breath, then another and another and then gnawed on his lower lip for several seconds, keeping Thomas in painful suspense. It made him want to leave him be and just close this chapter of his life, but then Newt finally opened his mouth and said: “I think you’re a bloody prick.”

Thomas stared at him, not really sure how to react. It took several deeper breaths from Newt and then he was talking again, this time in a lower voice.

“I always disliked you,” he said gravely. “You were just so opinionated and stubborn. I thought we could never bloody get along and then Jorge decided to put our characters together and I thought it’s the end, that we’ll kill each other eventually and it’s going to suck-,”

“Why-,”

“Let me finish,” Newt stopped Thomas’ speech quickly. “You bloody wanker, jesus. You just. Made things so hard, so needlessly complicated, I just couldn’t take it. Even at the first lunch you were so full of yourself, so confident you were in the right, it was maddening.”

“Holy shit, why-,”

“Just let me!” This time Newt raised his voice and it echoed in an almost empty studio almost eerily. Thomas shut up. He felt his body shaking and couldn’t even say why, his nerves were like too tightly bound strings.

“You insufferable…” Newt took another deep breath. “I just don’t get it. I don’t fucking know who I love. You or Stephen. I just don’t know who of you two is the one I just can’t leave alone; it’s making me so bloody frustrated.”

Thomas opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Newt would probably tell him to shut up again anyway.

“I kissed you back there, in the trailer, because I thought we gotta, cuz if I did that without you getting used to it, we would fail so hard,” Newt continued and started pacing back and forth, back and forth. “I thought it was smart of me, to just bait you, to make you angry so you wouldn’t protest. But then I kissed you and it all went to shit.”

He stopped, glaring at Thomas from under his blond fringe. He looked angry but at the same time not really.

“You played your part and I played mine and we clicked. You were still struggling, but you were nice to me and I was nice to you and I think it was kind of fun to do that, to play around like that. But now I don’t know. Now you’re here and I know it’s you who is angry at me, but it was you who I texted as well and I’m still bloody attracted to you-,”

“You’re not making any sense,” Thomas finally managed to say, silencing Newt to a complete stupor. “Me or Stephen, what’s that even supposed to mean? I’m me, for fuck’s sake, nobody else.”

“The you that hates my guts,” Newt pointed out with arms crossed on his chest.

“You hate my guts too!” Thomas barked and took a step forward.

“Well not anymore!” Newt copied him and then they were standing in each other’s personal bubble and everything was hot and frustrating and Thomas wanted to punch his lights out so bad, but he grabbed his shirt instead and mashed their mouths together.

There was not even a fraction of second of hesitation on Newt’s end. He grabbed Thomas’ head between his hands and immediately deepened the kiss like he was drowning and Thomas was the only air supply, licking into his mouth so insistently and pulling them together from head to toe, every part of their body touching. Thomas couldn’t breathe but he didn’t even want to, falling into the same frenzy, the same heat and rhythm of tasting, tasting, tasting and more, more, more.

“You just piss me off so much,” Newt was growling against his lips, biting and sucking in between the words. “You always have your way to press all my buttons like you have manual somewhere-,”

“Oh come on,” Thomas pulled Newt’s hand that insistently grabbed his butt away, imprisoning it in a steel grip. “You think you’re hard to read, you spoiled brat?”

“Yes, I am,” Newt struggled to break free and succeeded after a moment, immediately returning his hand on the spot Thomas wanted to keep him from. He even squeezed as if in victory. “You were bloody begging me yesterday to tell you why I frenched you in the trailer-,”

“Begging?!”

“You were pleading-!” Newt devoured his mouth again and Thomas found himself pressed against the wall again but now with Newt’s knee between his thighs, pressing up, making him whine. “You wanted to know, you needed to know what’s going on, you were so cute-,”

“Jesus, I hate you so much,” Thomas struggled against the hold but he only made the friction more insistent and instead of a curse a moan escaped his lips, only to be swallowed by Newt’s mouth closing over his again.

“You don’t mean that,” Newt purred into his ear once he moved his lips to Thomas’ neck, biting it with an obvious intent to leave a mark. “You actually like me, don’t you~.”

Thomas, to his own horror and maybe also relief, realized that he actually did like the guy. And to add to his even worse revelation – it was Newt who he fancied – the foul mouthed and frustrating brat rather than the all likable Isaac persona he was using.

He decided to keep it to himself.

#the maze runner #tmr #newtmas #newmas #prompts #jonipony

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cherrygorilla · 5 years ago

Note

Time for me to be nosy as heck for the fanfic author thing! Hope you don't mind if I ask a lot like you did to me! Here you are: 4, 5, 6, 7, 14, 17, 20, 21, 22, 24, 25, 27, 29, 30, 31, 33, 34, 35, 37, 40 A bunch are the same ones you asked me, but I'm really curious as to what your answers would be. If there's anything you'd like to answer that I didn't ask you, then feel free to add it on if you feel up to it! 💖

Okay, I'm known to ramble at the best of times but I really ran away with myself here. You may want to grab a snack or something first; it's hella long. You've been warned!

4. What made you start writing fanfiction?

When I was like 11/12 I was obsessed with the musical Starlight Express and after trying to google just about everything I could about it I think I stumbled across some fanfiction for it. Well, instantly my little english-class-loving brain grabbed this concept and ran with it. I remember writing my own stories in this cheap little notebook I would hide in my bedside table drawer and it was around this time that TBM came out, so naturally I decided to see if that had any fanfiction too. Turns out it did, and significantly more than Starlight Express might I add, so my creativity ran away with itself and next thing I knew I was setting up my own account and getting properly involved this time. And I guess, as they say, the rest is history...

5. Favourite pairing?

This is pretty tricky for me. Most of the pairings that I have set up are littered with little flaws and things that make them more interesting to write about (and hopefully read about lol) and more realistic. And the already established pairings that I use (i.e. Mack & Brady in old stories or Lela & Tanner) just feel too bland for me to really connect with them, which is probably why I always struggle so much to write for them. I suppose Lela & Tanner can be cute, or at least their potential is; I don't feel like the movies did them justice lol. But for my stuff, at the moment I just feel so out of practice with writing and at such an early stage in the story with Wheels and Waves that I'm not really attached to any of the pairings yet. And besides, the only one I've really established so far is Butchy & Giggles, but if you've read my last chapter then you'll know that that's not exactly doing so hot atm. So, since I can pick holes and find flaws in everyone's relationships too much to pick a favourite, I think I'll pick one I'm excited about that has some of the biggest flaws imaginable: Coral & Hyde. And that's all I'm going to say. Unless you're curious, then ask away lmao.

6. Least favourite pairing?

Okay, I may be a bit controversial here- Actually, this is probably really controversial judging by some of the reviews on my old stories that I was just reading. But I don't really like Mack & Brady… Hear me out! Maybe it's just because I haven't watched the movies for ages and I haven't been thinking about them writing-wise since I abandoned my old stuff but they just seem really bland to me. Don't get me wrong, they're super sweet, but I like giving my characters a bit of grit to work with and make them a little more interesting beneath their 'perfect movie character in an idyllic world' surface and I just could never seem to do that with Mack & Brady. I could never manage to give them any depth and because of that I feel like I just grew to resent them haha. Other people can write for them much better than I can, let's just put it that way. Apart from them though, non-canon-wise in my stories it's got to be Butchy & Coral. Hands down. Honestly, what was I thinking? It was cringey. It was basic. And I think because of it Coral became super one-dimensional and kept losing her way as a character because my whole focus was trying to get them to work as a couple. Spoiler alert: they don't. And since I ditched them I think I was really able to get her to come into her own and develop a much more interesting, albeit worse, side of her.

7. Favourite type of au?

This is probably going to be a quick one because I don't do a lot of au stuff but modern day/high school aus are always a lot of fun. I feel like TBM2 could have done so much cool stuff with that premise but then they went and dumbed down all the characters and really ruined their chance but I think the concept in general is so cute. I'm actually working on something in this vein for my sims blog, but that's not what we're talking about so let's move on.

14. Do the people in your life know you write fic? How do they feel about it?

Nope. I haven't ever mentioned it to my family because I just don't think that they'd 'get' it. I think I mentioned it to one of my best friends ages ago because she also read/casually wrote fanfics but I don't think that she still knows that I've kept it up; she probably just assumes that it was something we both just did when we were 13/14. So they don't really think anything of it; they don't know and probably never will lol. So I just struggle over chapters and ideas and things by myself.

17. What's the harshest criticism you've ever gotten on a fic?

To be honest, I don't think that I've ever really had any super harsh criticism. None that I can remember, anyway. I was reading through the reviews on one story recently and someone told me that I should work on my dialogue for Mack & Brady because it wasn't true enough to their characters and tbh they probably weren't wrong. That's barely criticism but it was the closest that I could find to it in my five minutes of looking and nothing else stood out in my memory so I guess that's what I'll go with. I know that probably sounds super cocky like "omg i'm amazing i never get any criticism from anyone because i'm amazingggg!!!1!!" but honestly all the reviews on my old stuff were just people being nice to me because I was friendly to them and I get next to no reviews on my current stuff, so there's no real opportunity for criticism if there's no interaction in the first place lmao.

20. What's your biggest struggle when it comes to writing fic?

Actually finding the time to write it when I have uni work, family life, stuff with friends and a somewhat healthy sleep schedule to balance as well. I just don't have enough hours in a day. Besides that, when it actually comes to writing I guess I find it hard to stick solely to ideas that progress the plot. I've been trying to work on that a lot more lately and be more ruthless with my planning but sometimes I just get inspired by something fun and in sheer creative desperation I just wedge it into the plot somewhere. And I think that for the reader's sake I need to stop doing this.

21. Your biggest strength?

I don't know if this is what anyone else would consider my biggest strength but I personally really like the way that I can develop the characters beyond what little personality we get to see in the movies. I love working on their story arcs and experimenting with how they 'exist' in my head, like finding out who the quiet souls are, who the loud mouths are and why they act like that. From the snippets we actually see of them in the movies and how basic they are, I'm pretty proud of the characters I've rounded them into in my stories; they feel a lot more real now, to me at least.

22. Which do you do more: read fic or write fic?

I know it's hard to believe, but probably write. I only really keep up with a handful of stories now and I always find I'm more actively thinking about kicking my butt into gear and writing something myself instead of setting out to read someone else's stuff.

24. What's your process?

Daydream and plan out future plot lines for most of the waking hours of the day. Find the fleeting shred of time available in said day to sit down and work on something if both inspiration and motivation are working in my favour. Actually sit down and open up a google doc, perhaps with a cup of tea if I'm feeling particularly adventurous and fancy treating myself for doing something productive. Painfully struggle through the first ten minutes of warming up my writing muscles and getting my creative juices flowing again. Settle into a good rhythm and just let my fingers and the words work their magic until something boring from the real world interrupts me and drags me away from my fictional one. Then repeat.

25. Of all the fics you've written, which is your favourite?

I know it's not necessarily a single fic but I really liked when I was writing the one-shots for Surf, Sun, Sand because I knew that I was writing the things people wanted to read, so I knew there was more of a chance that they'd enjoy them. And it was nice not being constrained to one timeline, I could jump around and play with different pairings, ideas and settings as much as I, well, the requests, wanted. I also really liked my Twelve Days of Cruisin' for a Bruisin' Christmas story, but I can't put that at the top spot because I'm so frustrated that I never got that final chapter up. It was really fun to write though and that's one of the few things that I've written that I'm still happy with to this day lmao. I just think it's sweet and I like how I wrote all the characters, so I'd say that's a win for me.

27. What's your most popular fic? Do you think the popularity is warranted, or is there another fic that you think deserves it more?

Statistics-wise it's Paper Flowers, by a long-shot. 77,485 views and 331 reviews. Now, I think that the fact that there are about a million chapters and I wrote it back when the fandom was thriving has quite a lot to do with that, if not all of it, because I'm almost certain that it can't be the writing, character quality or whatever crap I threw into the plot back then. But for nostalgia's sake, I'll allow it. And to be fair, it was probably alright at the time. I do think, however, that I've developed and improved my writing style over the years, so it would be nice if Wheels and Waves could get a little more popularity (since it's something I'm actually semi-proud of lol). But I just don't have the audience, so what can you do?

29. Which of your fics was the hardest to write?

Just Like Me. By a country mile. Like I mentioned earlier, I really struggle when it comes to writing for Mack & Brady and although I liked the concept (and a few other people did too) I just wasn't ever happy with what I ended up with. The chapters felt boring (which probably had something to do with the fact that I wrote them in my phone notes at 11:30pm), their relationship felt bland and the plot felt like it was going nowhere. I sort of had a vague structure of where I wanted to take it, but when I couldn't seem to get the hang of writing for them every chapter felt like such a challenge.

30. Favourite fic writers?

You, girl! I literally don't even bother to keep up with anyone else anymore because I just don't have the time (uni will do that to a bitch, lol) but I never miss a post of yours and will frequently go and re-read your stuff (especially if it's in preparation for a crossover lmao) if I need a pick-me-up. And like you said, we're practically family now and what kind of internet sister would I be if I didn't support my fam?!

31. Do you write just for fun, or would you ever consider pursuing writing?

I don't think I'd ever actually pursue it as a job. I'm in dentistry school atm so I'm pretty set on becoming a dentist, but even if that wasn't the case, I don't think I have the creativity to create my own unique story with original characters and a whole universe under my control. I just think it's fun to expand on other ideas and grow my own ideas from them.

33. Fanfiction pet peeves?

Bad grammar is really frustrating. But I also just think it's really boring when people will basically re-write the whole movie/story pretty much word-for-word with only the slightest of alterations. Like, I've already watched/read this once, why would I want to do it again? I came here for creativity and fun stories with my fave characters, not the flat-out plot all over again with a cookie-cutter, paper doll inserted into the mix to steal a few lines. It just bored me.

34. First person, second person or third person?

I'd probably put second person last because I just find reader-insert things weird and cringey. Like they legit make me feel uncomfortable sometimes. And then I'd go with first person because although I don't really have a problem with it, it's just never a style I'd choose to write in; I just can't really get the hang of it and I prefer to be able to see and show everyone's perspective on a situation from the outside, which is why good old third person has to be my favourite.

35. OCs, reader inserts or canon pairings?

Like I said, reader inserts creep me out a bit so definitely not those. Canon pairings are a pretty safe bet and can be cute most of the time (I just personally seem to struggle with them lol) and if they're done well (i.e. not basic bitches with no personality that just double as weird reader inserts *cough cough* Coral in Paper Flowers smh 12 year old me) then I think OCs can be really fun and can add another layer to fanfics that takes them beyond the bubble of what's canon.

37. Which character is your favourite to write for?

Saying Coral would be too easy because she's literally my own character, so of course I'm going to enjoy writing for her. So, other than that I'm going to have to say Seacat. I feel much more comfortable writing for the surfers than the bikers anyway, so that definitely plays into it. But I really like the version of him I've created. I really leaned into his sort of fiesty, stubborn side that occasionally showed itself in the movies, which created a super interesting dynamic with his inherent relaxed nature that all the surfers have. He's a really fun character to work with and I've got lots of fun things planned for him, so I think he's earned that top spot. But I'll mention Giggles too because it's been fun developing her character more deeply for Wheels and Waves. I just like a bit more drama, which Seacat can deliver more than my sweet bby G.

40. Imagine yourself 10 years in the future, do you still think you'll be writing fic?

Honestly, who knows? Back when I started I never thought I'd still be writing it at 18, so never say never, I guess.

And since you said I could choose another one, I'll go for 38. From where do you draw inspiration?

I wanted to include this one because I'm literally listening to my Wheels and Waves playlist as I write this to try to get me into that #writingmood. A few different things influence me but music has always been my biggest inspiration. I'm constantly adding new songs to my playlist and finding songs I want to use so badly that I'll rearrange and shift around plot points to work them into the story. For example, that Coral & Hyde relationship I mentioned earlier? Grown entirely from songs. But yeah, I'm always getting inspired by songs, which is why I'm really trying to get a general plan of Wheels and Waves set in stone so that I'll stop being tempted to switch things around and ruin the plot with convoluted ideas I get on a whim because I heard a fun song. On another note though, if you have any song suggestions then hit me up lmao; I'm always looking for more haha.

#if you made it to the end then you're a saint lmao

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lyssala · 5 years ago

Text

Day 7 - Flower Shop

Paring: Terra/Aqua & Zack/Aerith, Kingdom Hearts

Setting: Modern Setting; Recently post college age

Rating: K+

Words: 10654

Notes: I actually really love this one. I had a lot of fun playing with flower meanings and also just had so much fun with their dynamic in this fic! Flower Shop is one of those cliché tropes so I had to give it to the babes hahaha Also I wrote this fic a bit ago and only recently played Crisis Core, so I’m currently thanking my past self for giving my current self some sweet Zack and Aerith fluff when I need it more LMAO

As always @mimiplaysgames is the best, who pinpointed a weakness in the storyline effectively and helped me make the whole thing stronger and who always, always encourages me. Seriously, you guys wouldn’t have read this far without her cause I wouldn’t have written this far without her. I hope you all know how much I appreciate her and how honored I am to work with her, because you’re gonna know for the next twenty or so chapters too <3 <3

AO3

My Heart Was Wrapped up in Clovers

Inspired By: Call Me Irresponsible (Michael Bublé), At Last (Etta James), Save the Dance for Me (Michael Bublé)

If there was one nice thing about working in a florist’s shop, it was that everything smelt beautiful. Those sweet and fresh aromas of flowers in their peak never got old to Aqua. The small store was always bright and colorful between the flowers out on display for people to create their own arraignments, the premade bouquets wrapped up waiting to be given to a loved one, the baskets with greenery poking up hanging over from hooks in the ceiling, the coolers surrounded by even more greenery which sat off to the side waiting for their owners to pick up custom orders; everything bright and beautiful. Sometimes it was even a little hard to navigate between the wooden tables and crates all around the room, overflowing with any type of floral display you could want. But if the Gainsborough’s knew anything, it was flowers.

Aqua hummed as she leaned over the main counter, fingers fiddling with wrapping some twine around a wire. Despite being the beginning of spring season, which also meant the beginning of prom and wedding seasons, it was a fairly slow morning. She reached down to grab one of the single flowers she spread out in front of her, snipping the stem low enough so it would sit on the wire crown well enough. Usually the shop only made flower crowns as custom orders, as there was no way to keep the flowers from wilting but she had happened to walk by the discarded flower bin this morning to see some beautiful blues and whites to be thrown away. What could she say? She was inspired.

Also it was ten in the morning and she only had two customers for the past three hours.

She wrapped the stem with some floral tape before covering it with more twine to match the sections of the crown she finished; which wasn’t much, but it was tedious process. She figured she could wear it till it wilted and promote their services to any customers. It also made time go by while Aerith was busy filling an order in the backroom.

While it was still a job, and it was customer service which was frustrating at times (she was also sure she had permanent scars from thorns, missed scissor cuts, and wrapping paper), it was still a place she enjoyed working. She loved taking care of their flowers, being able to create, and making so many people’s every day or special occasions beautiful, both the exciting ones and the sad ones. It was rewarding in its own way.

She snipped another stem, adding it next to the blue one she already used to make the color more vibrant. Aqua admittedly wasn’t a master at arraignments like Aerith and her mother, were but they often told Aqua she had a good eye so she’d take it. She was learning a trade most people didn’t even know they needed until the time demanded it.

The bell rang, making her look up from tying the twine. Sometimes it was just people coming in to look around, sometimes people who knew exactly what they wanted and sometimes, a lot of times, it was confused looking men and women who had no idea what sort of flowers they needed for their occasion.

“Good morning, Cloud,” she said with a smile, placing the crown down on the counter.

The blond wasn’t exactly a regular to buy flowers, but he was Aerith’s fiancé’s best friend so Aqua knew him fairly well now in the least. Judging by the looking in his eyes, he was falling in the last category of customers today.

“How can I help you?”

He hesitated, blue eyes darting around the room as he approached the counter. “I need flowers,” he said blandly, like there was any other reason he’d come to a florist but that was Cloud.

“Well, lucky for you we have them,” she chuckled but his expression didn’t change. Okay, apparently not in a joking mood today. “What’s the occasion?”

Cloud reached a hand up to the back of his neck, looking either embarrassed or nervous, Aqua couldn’t quite tell. “Do you have flowers for telling your pregnant wife sorry for making her cry when you accidentally bought strawberry ice cream when she asked for chocolate chip cookie dough?”

Aqua tried to cover her mouth to hide the snort of laughter but considering Cloud didn’t look all that reassured she figured she didn’t do a good job. “I know I work here, but you realize you can just buy Tifa the right ice cream right?”

“Well, yeah,” he said, dropping his hands to his sides almost in defeat. “I’m going to but she cried almost all night and I felt…really bad.”

“I got it,” she said, moving away from the counter. Tifa and Aerith were close friends so Aqua knew the black haired woman well enough to know she was always smiling, always calm. “We just got these in,” Aqua said, reaching to one of the vases full of bright, yellow flowers.

“Sunflower,” Cloud said in acknowledgement.

Aqua nodded, holding the stem so she could brush by the soft pedals. “One of its meanings is adoration, which is clearly how you feel if you’re picking her a flower over ice cream, but it’s also almost impossible not to think of the sun and warm summer days. I bet it’ll make her smile.”

He thought for a moment but nodded. “Okay, yeah, I like it.”

“Good,” she said with a smile. He was a friend sure, but she always liked when customers actually liked her suggestions. “Just the one or would you like me to make a bouquet for her?”

“A bouquet if you don’t mind,” he said.

“Not at all.” She turned to gather a few more of the flowers; they were already fairly large so she didn’t need too many. Aqua moved back to the counter to go through the steps of trimming, tying, wrapping in matching colors before shifting to ring Cloud up.

After a few beeps she passed him the flowers which he delicately took like it was precious cargo (he was going to be a good dad). “Thanks, Aqua,” he said, his own unique smile on his face as he started to leave.

“My pleasure. Let me know how she likes it!”

He turned to wave before heading to the door.

“Get the right ice cream this time too!”

If Cloud heard her, he ignored her.

Aqua chuckled to herself as she picked her flower crown back up. Maybe she should go check on Aerith; she was probably fine, just absorbed in her creative process. She was creating samples to show a bride and Aqua very well knew depending on the bride it could go very well or very bad. Aerith was probably making some backups just in case.

Aqua barely got another flower taped onto the wire before the bell dinged again. Well, at least if it got busy, time would go by a little faster. She looked up, ready to greet her next costumer but instead she saw the familiar shade of a white apron, some casualties of the kitchen smeared across it. Usual black pants and white shirt were under it, hands fiddling near the apron pocket, blue eyes glancing around the room and messy hair that was free of a hair net which also wasn’t unusual as she knew he hated it.

“Terra Hale,” she said with a smile, ignoring the sudden flip in her stomach at seeing him walk into the store. It wasn’t terribly uncommon as he only worked next door but at the same time she hadn’t been expecting to see him this early. She didn’t put her crown down as she started wrapping more of the twine. “Are you sneaking off from work?”

Terra raised a hand to his chest, pointing his finger at himself. “Me? I don’t know how you could ever think that.”

“Because it’s about to be lunch rush at the restaurant and you should be there prepping but you’re standing in my flower shop instead.”

He shrugged, stopping at the counter as he placed his hands up on the surface. “I am here on business.”

“What kind of business would that be?”

He tapped his fingers on the counter. “You haven’t put in a lunch order yet. If you wait too long it’ll take forever for us to get to it.”

Aqua hummed as she grabbed another flower, cutting the stem before looking back up at him. “Maybe I was eating lunch somewhere else today.”

“Were you?”

It was hard to tell when he smiled at first. Aqua never even really noticed the first few times he delivered when she started working here, as he always seemed stone faced, intimidating in a way; though that could’ve been due to his height and stature too. The more she saw him though, the more she saw the way his smile would pull at the sides of his lips when he said hello or goodbye, when he’d let her know which order was which, and eventually when he’d delay going back to work to talk to her like now.

“Maybe,” she said, looking back down so she could tape the flower in place. ��I hear that McDonalds down the street is superb.”

“Are you seriously comparing freshly prepared and cooked meals to…” Terra paused for a second, arching his eyebrow. “McDonalds?”

She probably could’ve teased him a little longer, but the laughter that bubbled up uncontrollably gave her away. “Okay, fair, you guys do have the best food in town.”

He propped his elbow up on the counter, leaning over to put his chin in his hand. It was a fairly wide countertop so it could be used as a work area; he wasn’t even really in her space but she still started to find it a little hard to breathe. Even more so when a bigger smile pulled at his lips, which she found was her favorite to see. It was harder to come by with him, but when he did it lit up his whole face, especially his eyes and the dimples on his cheeks were easier to see.

She glanced down at the crown in her hands, seeing she completely wound the twine wrong. Luckily no one else was in the store because he was sort of a distraction every time he stopped by. Aqua went to quickly undo what she had done, hoping he hadn’t noticed.

“I can’t promise our French fries aren’t quite as addicting,” he said, though he rolled his eyes slightly. “But I’ll make you whatever you want.”

“I don’t have a menu handy,” she said, trying to focus on the crown again, mainly so she could keep some sense of herself and not turn into a giggling teenage girl when she was much older than that. “Tell me what’s good today.”

“Doesn’t really matter,” he shrugged. “I can make you something that’s not on the menu too.”

“Really? Can you do that?” Aqua trimmed the next flower stem as she spoke but she was genuinely curious. Working in a restaurant wasn’t something she ever did, and she never really thought about if cooks could make things off the menu.

“Sure,” he said, smile still on his lips which was highly distracting. “As long as we have the ingredients and I know how to make it, doesn’t matter too much if it’s on the menu or not.”

“Would you get in trouble?”

“No,” Terra snorted. “No one would care. Besides the boss is off catering a party today. Even if he would care, which he wouldn’t, he likes you.”

The menu was just fine really; they honestly did have great food. The restaurant was in Cid’s family for a long time, they had the recipes down to perfection. At the same time though, the thought of having something special made for her made her chest feel light and also made her stomach growl a little.

“In that case then…” She paused, trying to think of something she never had there before. “Grilled cheese.”

“I give you a run of the kitchen, and you ask for grilled cheese?”

“Like fancy grilled cheese, not just cheese on it.”

He laughed, using his hand to gesture for her to go on. “Like…”

“I don’t know,” she said, a smile pulling at her lips. “You’re the chef, you decide.”

He arched his eyebrows but it seemed more in amusement than anything. “You sure?”

“Yeah,” she nodded, carefully ripping the floral tape so she didn’t mess it up again while he was watching her. “You know what I like, I trust you.”

“Alright, I’ll bring it over when it’s done. Tell Aerith I’ll bring her usual too.”

“Will do,” she said, adding the twine over the tape. “I’m sure she’ll appreciate it, she’s been working in the back room since opening.”

Terra glanced down at the flowers she was working with, like he hadn’t noticed it before. “That’ll be pretty.”

“Oh, it’s nothing,” she said with a shrug. “Found them lying around in the discard pile, and I thought I’d give them a new life.”

He didn’t say anything for a moment but reached down to pick up one of the lighter blue flowers. “Try this one next?”

It was obvious he was a little unsure if that was the right thing to say but it was sweet, and pretty cute. “I think so too,” she said, reaching out to take the flower from him. “You’ve got a good eye, too. You wanna work here part time?”

Terra snorted as he pushed himself off the counter. “I’ll leave that to you. See you in a little bit.”

“Bye,” she said, waving slightly as he turned to wave back before heading out the door, the bell dinging and leaving her in silence once more. Aqua sighed as she reached up to touch the petals of the flower he handed her. It was pretty; it would make a nice next addition.

“Can you two please just get a room?”

Aqua fumbled the flower in surprise, reaching to grab it before it hit the counter. She quickly turned to see Aerith spraying some water on some of the hanging plants by the back door.

“Aerith,” Aqua breathed. “When did you finish the bouquets?” Which sounded better than “how long have you been standing there?”.

Aerith turned her head, a usual knowing smile on her lips. “A few minutes ago, not that either of you noticed.”

“He just came by to ask what we wanted for lunch,” Aqua said, trimming the stem down of the flower she still had in her hand.

“Yes, because that’s exactly what it looked like.”

Aqua decided that didn’t need a response as she wrapped the flower in floral tape, the only other sounds in the store being the light music, the chimes blowing in the wind outside, and Aerith’s water bottle as she moved to the next plant. Aqua grabbed the twine, wrapping over the tape; she was almost halfway done now at least.

“How did the bouquets go?” she asked, a relevant way to change the topic.

“Oh, very well, at least I think so. We’ll see what kind of bride she is when she comes in later today.”

“You’re perfect with wedding arraignments, I’m sure it’ll be just fine.”

Aerith hummed as she turned her head back to Aqua. “Tell that to the one girl who threw the flowers back at my head.”

“That did not happen,” Aqua laughed, grabbing another white flower to add to her other one.

“Oh, believe me, it did.” Aerith delicately moved a few leaves on one of the nearby plants. “People can get crazy about their wedding day.”

“Not you though, I’m sure.”

“I don’t need to be,” she chuckled. “I’ve got all my flowers because I can do it here, catering deal next door, my grandma is doing alterations on my dress, most laid back fiancé there ever has been. Easy, peasy.”

“You promise you won’t throw flowers at me then?”

“I trust you to help me with my flowers just fine, so no, I won’t,” Aerith said with a laugh.

Aqua smiled as she grabbed another flower to trim. “That was actually so sweet.”

“What about you? Ever want to get married?” Aerith was near the front of the store now, but it was such a small space it wasn’t hard to hear or see her.

“Someday probably.” Aqua carefully wrapped more floral tape. “If I ever meet the right person.”

“Huh, funny.”

“What is it?” She didn’t bother to look up as she worked on more twine. How much time had gone by?

“I happen to know a nice guy. Cute, kind, pretty eyes, good with his hands, even better with food, works next door.”

Aqua glanced up to see Aerith grinning as she sprayed the plants up front.

“What? Did you really think I was going to let it go easily?”

“I should’ve known better honestly.”

“That you should’ve.” Aerith seemed like she was about to say something else but the bell rang over the door. She turned to greet the customers and Aqua breathed a small sigh of relief as she focused herself back on the crown; if Aerith needed help she’d say, but she usually didn’t.

It wasn’t like Aqua didn’t know. She didn’t need to be teased like she was in middle school to know when she had feelings for someone. She was even fairly sure her feelings were reciprocated but at the same time that’s what scared her. It was a fairly…long time since she was in a relationship with anyone; she usually kept herself too busy for anything like it even if she missed the companionship sometimes. So here was this kind, attractive guy who gave her special treatment at the restaurant and gave her rides home sometimes, and was really cute, did she mention that already? And she didn’t know what to do.

She’d be lying if she said she never thought about it before; especially after long days, finally being able to sit down in his car, listening to the low hum of his voice against the radio, wondering how it would feel if she just asked him to stay for a little bit. At the same time she also couldn’t shake the fact of what would happen if something went wrong. They didn’t work at the same place but because of a partnership Aerith’s mom had with Cid, people who catered and bought flowers from both places got a deal. They often ended up at events together setting up. Aqua would never want to have awkward feelings with him or anyone else on either staff. Well, that was if something went wrong. It could otherwise be perfect, wonderful, everything she wanted.

But she had rushed in before.

Aqua could be a romantic, she knew it; she tried to be a rational person at all times but there was something about the romance of things she just fell for. She enjoyed working with flowers because of the language they spoke, what they could tell people without words. She liked Terra because he was so sweet. He gave her special treatment at the restaurant, and his dimples showed when he smiled. Yet she also liked her ex because he knew how to lace words together in the most charming way, until that went all wrong. She also liked her ex before that because he surprised her with gifts and dinners and treats, until that went all wrong. She even liked her high school boyfriend because he was the only one who gave her chocolate on Valentine’s Day, and that went really wrong. The charm, the romance, she fell for it and so far it hadn’t worked out so great. Still, it also didn’t feel right to punish her feelings and potentially Terra’s feelings for things a bunch of guys who probably weren’t right for her anyways did ages ago.

So the circle started over again. Overthinking things was sort of her specialty.

She sighed as she tried to keep her focus on the flowers in her hands instead. It was easy here at least, surrounded by such beauty all the time. It was hard not to feel at peace here, even if customers weren’t always kind about suggestions, or apparently throw flowers at your head. Most of the time, like earlier with Cloud, she got the chance to brighten someone’s day and that made her feel a lot better about just about everything.

Aqua wasn’t quite sure how much time went by until she finished the crown since after she rang up Aerith’s customers. The bride came in with her maid of honor to see the flowers and Aerith took them in the back. It couldn’t have been too long, but Aqua still felt some pride as she dropped the completed piece on her head. She peeked in the nearby mirror they kept up and was glad to see it seemed to look pretty good too. There, she wasted nothing and could promote their products at the same time.

The bell rang.

She moved to greet the customer but the beautiful aroma of fresh food hit her first. Her stomach growled even just from the smell. “Oh, am I happy to see you again.”

“You know,” Terra snorted as he made his way up to the counter, white plastic bag in his hand. “I get that a lot.”

“Can’t imagine why.”

He placed the bag on the counter, which still had remnants of Aqua’s project on. “Top one is yours, bottom is Aerith’s, who has been busy since I haven’t seen her at all today.”

“Wedding clients,” Aqua said, reaching below for her purse.

Terra let out a low whistle. “It is that season isn’t it.”

“Yeah, ready for all those fancy event set ups?”

“Oh, yeah, love getting yelled at by the mother of the bride for placing the pasta too close to the macaroni and cheese.”

“Just wait till you have the maid of honor throw a fit that her flowers are saggy compared to the other bridesmaids. How much do I owe you?” Aqua asked, flipping open her wallet.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said, gently tapping the top of the container. “On the house.”

“Terra,” she said. “Cid will probably kill you if you keep giving us free lunch.”

“I’ll just volunteer for the next wedding,” he shrugged, slowly walked backwards to the door. “But he will probably kill me if I’m not back soon, busy day.”

“Well, thank you,” she said, unable to bite back a smile.

“Hey,” he gestured to the top of his head. “Your crown came out nice, it’s really pretty.”

Aqua reached a hand up to her head, feeling the soft flowers. “I’ll make you one next, how’s that?”

“Sounds like a deal.” He waved as he pushed the door open with his back, disappearing beyond the store front.

She sighed again, but this time from contentment. She knew she would be lying if she didn’t say seeing him might be the highlight of her day. She was also really hungry. Aqua peeked in the box that had her custom meal in, and couldn’t hide her grin.

She didn’t even need to take a bite to know it was perfect.

Aqua didn’t admittedly see herself working for a florist when she graduated college, but jobs weren’t easy to come by in the least and between working in the shop, as well as working on location for parties and weddings, it paid enough for her to keep up with the bills. She’d take what she could get.

She ended up loving it more than she thought she would too. The atmosphere, the type of work, and of course the company too. Aerith and her mother was lovely people, neither of whom were pushovers in the least, as well as the part time employees who worked here too. They were mostly high school kids getting their first jobs, but they were a sweet group.

It was a slow day and it was getting slower by the second, the more times Aqua looked up at the clock overhead. Kairi was fixing a display in the storefront but otherwise it was quiet. Mrs. Gainsborough was running late coming back from on location consultation, and since Aqua had no plans unlike Aerith did tonight, Aqua offered to stay. Kairi was in the process of being trained to be a closer so Mrs. Gainsborough didn’t have to work every night. Kairi probably could’ve handled being alone for a little bit but Aqua didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable or to have something come up.

It wasn’t really a big deal, all she would do was go home to wear pajamas and binge TV shows till she fell asleep.

She tried not to yawn as she looked up at the clock again; it was just after five in the afternoon which was an hour after she usually left work. Slow days dragged enough as it was, let alone slow long days. Business was picking up but it was coming in spurts, at least until everyone realized spring was right around the corner and people started freaking out that they needed to get on their planning.

“How does this look?” Kairi asked taking a step back from her display.

“Very pretty,” Aqua said. “I love the colors you picked.”

“I thought it said ‘Don’t worry, spring is almost here. It’ll stop being so dreary and cold soon’.”

“I think you get your point across very well,” Aqua smiled. “I do hope you’re right. Someone should tell the weather that a little sunshine never hurt anyone.”

Kairi reached for the front pocket of her apron. “Is it okay if I take a picture of it?”

“Be my guest, it would be a shame not to show off your hard work.”

The redhead grinned as she pulled out her phone, backing up till she could get the whole display in.

The bell dinged and on reflex Aqua stopped slouching over the counter. She hoped it was the familiar face of Aerith’s mom but it was woman Aqua didn’t know, a customer. Kairi was already on it, slipping her phone away and moving to greet the woman happily.

Even though Aqua offered to stay she still felt the sting of disappointment that seemed to be following her every time the door opened today. All day, every ding of the bell made her happy only to be replaced with a sinking feeling when it wasn’t brown hair and blue eyes, wearing a white apron and always smelling like some sort of food. It was more than likely Terra’s day off; he was human, he needed them too. Or he was working a party and just wasn’t onsite at the restaurant. It’s not like she didn’t understand, she loved her days off, she bet he did too but it did make work drag so much longer when she didn’t see him.

Aqua contemplated asking Cid, who came in to give them lunch whenever Terra didn’t, but she figured Cid either would ask her why she cared or tell Terra the girl from the florist shop was being nosey; both those options seemed a little too embarrassing for her to go through with it. She wanted to validate herself and say there was nothing to be embarrassed about, her and Terra were friends, they saw each other almost every day for months now; okay so maybe the extent of hanging out when not at work was just the few minutes in his car but work friends in the least. Aqua knew there was nothing to justify though. Seeing him made the day so much better, it was simple as that.

The bell rang again but this time it was the customer leaving.

“Couldn’t help them?” Aqua asked as Kairi walked up to the counter.

“Actually, she said she really liked our set up and she wanted to come back when she had more time. She’s planning a birthday party for her mom. So I went over the basics with her.”

“Well done,” Aqua nodded. “I’m sure we’ll be getting busy again real soon.”

“Man, I hope so. It just drags when it’s slow,” Kairi sighed, sitting herself up on one of the stools set by the counter. Mrs. Gainsborough never minded if they sat down and talked as long as work was done and customers were treated first.

“Ain’t that the truth.”

Kairi sighed. “Any events we’re planning for?”

“Weddings and more weddings coming up soon, but in the upcoming weekends I think there’s an anniversary party we’ll be setting up for. Tifa’s baby shower even though she doesn’t know it. Prom will be here before you know it too.” Aqua paused looking over to the younger girl. “Do you have your dress yet?”

“Aqua,” Kairi whined slightly, face turning a little red.

“Why so embarrassed? It’s fun. You should see all the girls who come in here all excited to get a flower for their date.”

Kairi fiddled with her fingers in her lap. “No one’s asked me yet.”

“It’s barely March, you have plenty of time. Maybe that boy you like will, what’s his name again?”

“Aqua,” Kairi whined again but this time much more dramatically, holding her hands up to her face.

“Okay,” Aqua chuckled. “Your secret is safe with me.”

A flash of white near the door made Aqua nearly fall over in her effort to get a better look but it must’ve been just someone walking by. She tried not to make her sigh audible but it didn’t work since Kairi looked significantly less embarrassed.

“What is it?” she asked.

“Ah, nothing,” Aqua shook her head.

Kairi looked like she was going to say something but the bell over the door rang. Aqua looked over to greet the customer but to her surprise it was actually a familiar face.

“Hi, Lea,” Kairi said with a smile, though it quickly turned to a frown. “What’s wrong with you?”

The tall teenager wasn’t exactly a frequent costumer of flowers but he was a frequent friend of Roxas and Namine, two of the part time kids who worked in the afternoons, as well as Kairi; ironically enough, Roxas’ twin brother worked next door at the restaurant. Aqua was pretty sure they all went to school together. Lea wasn’t usually all smiles but he was pretty laid back and relaxed of a person so it was a little unusual to see such a scowl on his face.

He placed his hands on the counter, looking so strangely serious. “I need flowers to say fuck you in the most passive aggressive way possible.”

She blinked at him; that wasn’t exactly what she was expecting.

“Can you…can you do that with flowers?” Kairi asked, clearly as caught off guard but probably not terribly surprised either.

“Well, yes, you can,” Aqua said. “I can’t say it’s a common reason but it can be done. I’m not sure who did you wrong enough to get a passive aggressive flower message but follow me, we’ll find something.”

Kairi had her hand over her mouth as she was trying not to laugh, something Lea noticed as he reached up to gently push at her head.

Aqua had to run through meanings in her head as she looked over what they had, the somewhat strange request would take her mind away from today and make time go by faster for once. At least it was different than the same old red roses.

The bell barely dinged to let Aqua know she should turn from watering the plants and she already knew who it was.

“Hello, beautiful flower maidens, have you seen what a lovely day it is outside today?”

Aqua snorted as she looked over to Zack, his arms extended slightly like he was offering the world’s best news. “No, some of us have been stuck inside a building all day unlike you.”

Zack moved his hand up to his heart, cringing over dramatically. “Oh, Aqua, you wound me. Hey, I’ll let you have the rest of the day off. No worries, you deserve it.”

“You can’t do that,” Aerith said from the front counter where she was writing down orders, but now she just had her chin in her hand as she tapped the pen against the order book, a big grin on her lips. “You don’t even work here.”

He started to walk towards her. “Yeah, but the owner’s daughter is my wife so I think I can have some say.”

She hummed, dropping the pen so she could step away from the counter to where he was standing. “I think you have a little bit longer before you’re allowed to call me that, you know, until we actually get married.”

Zack waited till she was close enough before wrapping his arms around her, pulling her right off the ground which earned a cry of laughter from Aerith. “Or we could still go with my idea and just go to the courthouse so we don’t have to wait any longer.”

Aqua moved to the next section of plants. Aerith and Zack were always at an adorable level of cute; they gave those sweet feelings that come with seeing two people made for each other. It made Aqua glad to see that her friend was so very happy, but it always came with a small pain in her chest after. She supposed it was partly her fault, if she ever wanted to find a relationship like theirs she actually had to, you know, accept being in a relationship or take the first steps to start one herself.

Neither was exactly easy to do; even if she had thought about it…a lot over the past few months.

“I’d agree with you,” Aerith said. “If I hadn’t been in the flower business my whole life, and have been planning my wedding since I was six years old.”

“Touché,” Zack snorted. “Doesn’t matter, I’ll marry you any day, anywhere. Aqua’s my witness to it.”

She rolled her eyes but turned her head. He was putting Aerith back on the ground, placing a quick kiss to her lips. They really were sweet. Aqua went back the flowers in front of her as Aerith moved to her order sheet, Zack taking a seat on the stool in front of her. He was probably waiting for shift swap which was in…Aqua glanced up at the clock. Oh thank God, only ten minutes left.

She reached over to brush aside some leaves to get closer to the roots. She could hear Zack talking to Aerith but about what, Aqua couldn’t tell.

She supposed maybe risks were worth taking if there was happiness like theirs at the end of it, that wondering and day dreaming really did nothing if she couldn’t put action behind it. It was just like every time she told herself today would be the day she’d say something. But she froze and let a whole day go by without doing anything. Aqua knew what made her nervous because what if Terra said no…or almost just as scary, what if he said yes? She’d be right on the track she knew so well, but that track always ended poorly and that…that she absolutely didn’t want with him. She knew it didn’t have to end the same way, that Terra wasn’t anyone who had broken her heart before, but she found that first leap to be much harder than she ever expected it to be until she was face to face with someone like him.

The alternative, of course, was working in this shop and seeing him almost every day as they did with her trying to hide how much more she wanted it to be; relatively hiding because anyone who did know never seemed to be all too surprised. Granted, she must’ve done an okay job because he didn’t take any steps farther either. Maybe he was afraid of the same things she was or maybe he really wasn’t interested.

Aqua sighed as she crouched down to get some of the plants on the floor. Wouldn’t it be nice to just turn off her brain for even a little bit of time? All she really knew was she was pretty sure she’d be devastated if he ever stopped coming to see her, or if he came in with another girl to buy flowers for. Aqua knew that was telling in itself and she should just do anything instead of wondering for all of eternity what could’ve been; that she let her fear of the past hold her back from the future. Could she live with that?

The bell rang near her but she was a little tangled in the plants to greet them.

“Hey, man!” Zack exclaimed.

Aqua knew what she should do, yeah, but while it was easy to know, it was harder to actually do something about it.

“Welcome to the Gainsborough Flower Emporium,” he continued grandly, even though that wasn’t even remotely the name of the shop. “Bet we can help you find any sort of flower for any object of your affection. May I suggest blue roses?”

“I’m fine, Zack,” Terra said and Aqua promptly felt the watering can slip from her hands.

It clanged to the ground, making more noise than actually spilling water. She quickly reached to grab it and try and get the heat to leave her face before she stood up. It didn’t seem to work very well.

“Are you okay?” Terra asked, leaning around one of the plant displays to see her better. He didn’t look like he was about to laugh or anything, but Aerith was absolutely doing a bad job hiding hers.

“Ah, yeah,” Aqua said, standing up this time with the water can firmly in her hands. “The handle was just slippery.”

“You should be careful, Aqua,” Zack said, though she couldn’t see him very well. “I’d have to ask Terra to help you get to the hospital otherwise. Ow! Hey, what was that for?” It was clear that was directed at Aerith which Aqua at least appreciated the assist, even if it didn’t make the heat in her face go away at all.

“What’re you doing here?” Aqua asked, ignoring Zack’s comment completely. “Shouldn’t you be off work now?”

“Yeah, thankfully,” Terra said, turning to face her better, small smile on his lips. “I know it’s a nice day but I just figured I’d see if you wanted a ride home.”

Aerith was whispering something slightly commanding to Zack, who responded with a hushed “I didn’t say anything” but Aqua tried, really hard, not to pay attention to them.

“Oh, yeah, that would be really nice, thank you,” she said with a smile. “Well, if you don’t mind waiting…” She looked over to the clock. “Like five minutes?”

“You can go, Aqua,” Aerith said. “It’s fine.”

“So you can let her leave but I can’t?” Zack asked.

Aerith rolled her eyes but she was smiling. “Go on, don’t need to make him wait for five minutes.”

“Okay,” Aqua said. “Only if you’re sure.”

“Positive.”

Aqua went up to the counter, placing the can down so she could grab her purse from the shelves underneath. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“See you tomorrow,” Aerith hummed, leaning back over to her order form.

“See ya,” Zack waved. “Take care of our little princess, okay? Home by…you know however long it takes to drive her home.”

“Bye, Zack,” Terra rolled his eyes, but pushed the door open wider for Aqua.

Stepping outside and breathing the fresh air of early spring was admittedly much better. “I’m sorry about them,” Aqua said, walking next to Terra to the parking lot behind the building where he usually parked his car.

“Don’t be,” he said, glancing over. “I went to school with Zack, I��m very much used to it.”

“Was he always that energetic?”

“Yes, always.” Terra pulled his keys out as they got closer to his car.

She waited on the passenger side until he opened his side of the door and she heard the click that all the doors were unlocked. She dropped her bag on the floor and slid into the car. It was all familiar to her now. In the winter, he didn’t want her to wait for the bus in the cold when they usually got off at the same time. Aqua tried not to focus on the fact the weather was very nice out, she didn’t even need a jacket today, but he was still offering; it made her chest feel light.

“So,” she sighed as she watched him start to back out of the parking spot. “How was work today?”

“Same old, same old really,” he said. “Now that people can eat outside again it gets a little busier.”

“I can understand.” She leaned her head back against the head rest as he pulled out into the street, taking the familiar way home. “I love the spring, when it starts to get warm and all the flowers come up.”

“Understandable, since you’re chronically cold.”

“Hey, just because I’m not a walking furnace at all seasons of the year doesn’t mean I’m the weird one here.”

“I didn’t even know the heat in my car could go as high as it does until I met you.”

“You’re being so dramatic,” she laughed, turning her head to him.

He was still watching the road, moving his hand to shift the car up, but she saw the smile on his lips, dimples on his cheeks. She could imagine this. She could imagine seeing him every day and not just for the few bits she saw him for food. Aqua bet even though he cooked for a living he still liked to cook dinner, that he snored, that he liked to watch movies with popcorn, that he wouldn’t mind that she stole all blankets. She wanted so much more, she wanted a chance at so much more with him. Even if she didn’t have a chance, even if it didn’t work out she had to at least try.

“How was work for you?” he asked, turning the car off the main street.

“Getting busier every day,” she said, trying to keep her voice even. “We have some winter and fall weddings, of course Valentine’s Day, and it picks up when the spring and summer brides start to plan, and then we have everyone who waits last minute to do anything.”

Terra clicked his tongue. “Of course.”

“But it’s okay, I like doing it. Aerith is the best at wedding flowers but I’m getting better, it’s fun.”

“I bet you’re much better at it then you give yourself credit for.”

“Yeah?” she asked though her breath caught in her throat. “What makes you say that?”

“Because I’ve seen you create displays and arraignments for people.” He glanced over to her. “They’re beautiful too.”

“Would you let me do the flowers at your hypothetical wedding?”

“Without a hypothetical doubt.”

She didn’t bother trying to hide her smile. “I still owe you a flower crown too.”

“You absolutely do, I didn’t forget. I was going to try to bring it up passive aggressively in a week or so. Thanks for saving me the trouble.”

She laughed louder than she probably should have but when he laughed too it didn’t really seem to matter. Neither did when he finally came to stop in front of her townhouse. She felt nerves twist down on her stomach, but she had to. She had to say something. This was the time.

“Do you work tomorrow?” he asked, watching her as she gathered her bag off the floor of his car.

“I do. You?”

“People have to eat,” he shrugged with a smile. “I’ll be there.”

“People do have to eat, but they’re lucky they get to eat your food.”

Terra paused as he watched her, but it quickly turned into a smile. “Ah, well, I appreciate that.”

She reached for the handle, trying to not let him see that her fingers were shaking as she pushed the door open. Just say it, say something, anything. Aqua poked her head back in the car, meeting his eyes. He still had the small smile on his lips, hair messy from the hairnet he had to wear, car smelling like the grill he worked over all day and it was the most inviting image Aqua saw all day.

“See you tomorrow then,” she said, swallowing the lump in her throat.

“See you tomorrow, Aqua.”

She shut the door but could only stand on the sidewalk as she watched his car drive away. She didn’t know whether to be furious with herself or cry that she once again wouldn’t let the words come out. She had been given so many chances since she met him, so many perfect moments but here she was still standing in front of her home alone.

She wouldn’t be given chances forever; that she knew for a fact.

Aqua stopped registering the sound of the bell about halfway through the day. Spring was in full swing, and between upcoming holidays and wedding season taking off it seemed like nonstop work. If she wasn’t helping customers with flowers or signing up for consultation appointments, she was helping Aerith get orders ready.

She barely had time to even eat her lunch, let alone be disappointed it was Cid and not Terra. So when she looked up from wrapping someone’s bouquet and he was walking through the door she was more than surprised. It was way past lunch and he wasn’t in his work uniform.

“Hey, Terra,” she said with a smile. She was busy but of course her stomach still had time to get fluttery at the sight of his smile. “Give me one second.”

“Take your time,” he said with a nod.

Aqua got the customer rang out and on their way as quickly as she could, for no ulterior motive of course. There was another costumer in the store but Kairi came in early to help out so that was handled and Aerith was in the back with a bride so everything should be okay. “What’s up?” she breathed looking over to where he was lingering around a few vases. “You had today off, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, yeah,” he said, clapping his hands together and fiddling his fingers some. He looked a little nervous, like he had never been in here before which was weird.

“Everything okay? I wouldn’t come back here if I wasn’t working,” she said, leaning slightly over the counter and praying no one came in so she had a moment with him.

“I’m actually here as a customer, for once.” He reached his hand up behind his head, giving almost a nervous smile.

“I take it you’ve never bought anyone flowers before?” Aqua tried not to feel the way her mouth went dry, her stomach turning slightly with nerves. Not every flower was romantic; it didn’t have to be that. She shouldn’t assume.

“Not at all.”

“Okay.” She gestured for him to follow her. “I got you, no problem. Do you want a premade bouquet or one you put together?”

“Ah.” He followed after her, though it wasn’t that big of a store and she could feel the warmth of his body behind her. “Maybe one put together like now.”

“Don’t be so nervous,” she chuckled, turning to look at him; which was funny considering she still felt like she was going to throw up. “It’s just flowers. Who are they for?”

Terra blinked at her. “Oh, um, a girl.”

“Yeah, I assumed, dummy.” Deep breaths, it’s okay. A girl could mean anyone. “I mean like mother, friend, sister, aunt, or, ah, romantic?”

“Yeah,” he said slowly. “That, romantic.”

Aqua reached out to the nearest vase there was, carefully straightening it to mask the way she felt her face fall with disappointment that sunk her stomach down to her core. She knew she had no right to feel upset when this was entirely her fault. He was an amazing person, there’s no way she was the only person to know that. She used up all her chances.

She looked back up with the best customer service smile she had. “Oh! I didn’t know you had a girlfriend, Terra.”

“I, um, well, I don’t,” he shrugged, both his hands were in his pockets, glancing away from her. “It’s more like…I like her, and I’m trying to say that in…the least awkward way possible which is a lot less than I feel right now.”

She laughed lightly, more for his sake than hers. “Then stop feeling awkward. There’s, you know, nothing awkward about it. So…” She looked away from him which was probably for the best to the flowers in front of them. “For affection, new, um, new love.”

Aqua reached out to the petals, remembering why she worked here, to make others happy. Even if it wasn’t… wasn’t her, she needed to make whoever it was feel all the emotions Terra was trying to express. “Red roses are the standard and they’d get the point across I’m sure but traditionally more for a deeper love than just trying to tell someone you like them.”

“Right,” was his only input.

“Okay,” she breathed. “Roses are still viewed as a romantic. So there’s the orange ones that can be seen as desire or passion. Yellow is kind of all over the place from friendship to extreme betrayal so I don’t recommend that one.”

“What about blue?” he asked reaching his hand out to touch one of them.

“Blue? Um, those in the romantic sense are sort of mystery or attaining the impossible. Also can be love at first sight. Same with the lavender ones as well.”

“Yeah, those two. Blue and purple.”

Aqua nodded. “Those two colors go very well together too. How many would you like?”

“Ah, however many you think is good?”

She glanced over at him still looking so embarrassed about this whole thing, it was hard not to feel a smile pull at her lips even if it hurt. He was such a sweet soul. “Okay, I got it handled.”

He must’ve gotten the hint because he made his way over to the counter as Aqua picked the amount of flowers she thought would look good. She could feel Kairi’s eyes looking over but Aqua ignored it. She took the flowers up to the counter and went about cutting and tying the flowers like she would anyone else.

“A card?” she asked, though she almost didn’t want to ask, afraid to see the name he’d say.

“Hmm?” He looked like he wasn’t even been paying attention.

“Um, do you want a card to go with it? A message, a name?”

“Oh, no, its fine.”

That was a relief at least. She wrapped up the flowers in some paper tying it once more so it would all stay together. It did look really lovely. “Here you go,” she said, handing him the bouquet even though he still had his wallet in his hand.

“Ah, how much?”

Aqua shook her head. “It’s on the house.”

“Aqua, you don’t have to do that.”

“You know how much you’ve saved me in food?” She hoped she held it together enough for him not to see the stinging in her eyes and only saw the smile. “Take it, please.”

He hesitated, but he put his wallet back in his pocket. “Well, thank you, I appreciate it.” He took the flowers but not before looking over to her again. “See you this weekend? At the wedding?”

Aqua nodded, blinking slightly. “Yeah, I’ll be there.”

“Okay,” he said, looking down at the flowers before giving a smile. “Thanks again.”

“Course.”

Terra turned to leave and all she wanted to do was let him walk out that door and forget what it felt like when he smiled at her.

“Terra?”

“Yeah?” He turned around at the door looking back to her.

“I hope she likes them.”

He smiled again before giving her a wave. “I think she will.”

She watched him till he was gone. The sun was still shining and the flowers still smelt lovely, but it was a little less bright to her knowing what a mistake she made. He was wonderful; he deserved any sort of happiness. Aqua just hoped it would’ve been with her. Even if she knew it was her fault for never saying anything, it didn’t ease any of the hurt she felt.

It was her job to make others happy, she just couldn’t understand why she couldn’t let herself be happy too. Why couldn’t she risk something, anything for once? Aqua wished she had the answer.

The day went on. People came, they bought flowers, they talked about their loved ones, their happy days, the sadness of losing someone they loved, the excitement of finding someone new in your life and she met it all with a smile like she always did. Aerith knew, even if she chose not to ask. Kairi even probably knew. Aqua never said what happened; she didn’t want to think about it at work.

She said her afternoon goodbyes and waved from the door before stepping out into the warm air. She looked up and down the side walk in some stupid hope that maybe Terra happened to come back to pick her up but why would he? He was probably on a date tonight.

Aqua breathed in and headed to the bus stop. It was a very short ride to her home but it felt like an eternity. She wanted to get home, get in her pajamas, and just stay there for the rest of the day… maybe the week. She knew it would get better eventually, but for now the loss of something she never had still made her chest sting, making every breath hard.

She stepped off the bus to her small town house, thankful her neighbor wasn’t outside since she was pretty sure she didn’t want to talk to anyone anymore. Home, PJ’s, couch, and probably something really sweet. That was all she wanted.

Until something caught her eye on her porch.

It was a nice distraction since she wasn’t expecting any packages. Aqua walked up the few steps, but the paper was already familiar. She nearly stopped in her tracks but she kept going, reaching for the flowers propped in between the screen door and her house door. The blues and purples she knew well, ones she had weaved together just a couple hours prior, to make someone smile.

Her breath choked in her throat. It had to be a mistake, right? Maybe she did something wrong with them and he didn’t want to embarrass her at the store? Against her better judgement she reached a hand up to run over the velvety petals, though the sharp corner of paper felt distinctly out of place. Aqua carefully pulled out a ripped piece of paper of some sort, her guess was probably whatever Terra had in his car which was endearing in itself.

She almost didn’t want to look, afraid if it was a mistake someone else’s name would be on it. She should just give it back to him when she saw him tomorrow but it admittedly didn’t stop her own eyes from looking over his messy handwriting. She recognized all the curves, the sloppy quick way he wrote from years of making fast orders and notations, but she especially recognized how her name looked when he wrote it. She saw it countless times on boxes, orders, notes; her name was addressed here.

Aqua was afraid if she didn’t hold onto the flowers as tightly as she was, she’d drop them.

I didn’t know how else to tell you

-Terra

She was fairly certain she read it over a dozen times before she sank to the ground right there on her porch. The note was tight in her hand as she leaned her face to the flowers, the scent just as lovely as it ever was, almost lovelier now. Aqua was also aware she might actually look crazy if she started to cry over flowers on her front porch but she didn’t even know how to process the feelings that were swirling around her, going from utter despair to warm fluttering hope in a matter of seconds.

She didn’t know a lot of things, or even how to handle herself in a situation like this. What she did know was she’d never miss her chance again, not this time.

Aqua could still see the flowers sitting on her counter, the purples and blues creating such a pretty image in her small living room even as she was setting up someone else’s flowers. The ceremony was already under way which meant the reception area had to be perfect real quick. Thankfully Aerith and her mother were also here and they were all just about done.

Aqua reached over to adjust some of the petals on the center piece she was working on but couldn’t help but glance at the kitchen every time the door swung open. She recognized all of the workers, including Cid himself, but not Terra; granted not that the middle of someone’s reception was probably the best place to talk to him. She spent most the night lying awake in bed, trying to think of what she should say, how she should say it.

She still didn’t really have a good plan but it had to be something. She should’ve done this long before now.

She looked over to where the food was being prepared to be served, that looked like just about everyone really. Even if there were a few people lingering it would still be okay. Aqua took one last look down at the flowers and hurried over to the kitchen door. She pushed it open, though the smell of food was already enough to make her stomach growl; breakfast probably would’ve been a good thing to have.

It was surprisingly empty for the most part, though there was still plenty of food cooking, in the process of being prepared. The door swung closed behind her. She looked up just as Terra did from his place behind one of the tables.

“Oh, hey,” he said, small smile on his lips, though she didn’t miss how he nearly dropped the container of dressing he was filling. He quickly put the bottles down, reaching up to tug off the hairnet, making Aqua laugh; he really hated those things. “Sorry I hadn’t gotten to say hi.”

“It’s okay,” she said, walking over to the table full of salad mixes. “I know it’s always busy.”

“Ah, yeah, weddings are busy.” He tugged his plastic gloves off his hands, tossing them on the table. “What’s up? How’s the set up going?”

She wanted to tell him it was good, almost done. She’d be able to leave soon which was usually when he offered to have her stay so he could sneak her a plate of food. She wanted it because times like that she really enjoyed with him, but she wanted to say so much more this time. How could she though? She didn’t even know the words to express how happy she was to spend time with him, how he made her feel every time he smiled at her, how much seeing those flowers on her porch made her feel. Maybe he had felt the same way too.

Aqua reached her hands up to his face pulling him down till she could press her lips to his. She knew she caught him off guard by the sharp intake of his breath, but he didn’t give her time to back down before his hands were on her waist. She looked up at him, his eyes fluttering open.

“I didn’t know how to tell you either.”

He hummed slightly, smile pulling at his lips. “I told you that you put together beautiful flowers.”

She dropped her hands to his chest, hitting him lightly though it was a little hard to breathe with him so close to her, his warm touch still on her. “Why didn’t you tell me in the store? I thought there was someone else.” Easy for her to say, yeah, when she couldn’t do it either.

“Okay, first of all,” he snorted, but his smile was so beautiful Aqua hoped they didn’t need him for the rest of the day because she was pretty done with working at this point. “I had hoped you weren’t there because that would’ve been a lot of easier. What was I supposed to do? I didn’t want to embarrass you in public or back down, you know, again.”

Her breath caught in her throat. “They were really beautiful.”

“Oh, I’m glad you think so considering you’re the one who made the bouquet.”

She tried not to laugh, she really did, they were having a serious conversation. She can finally, finally able to get things off her chest but she dissolved into a fit of laughter anyways.

“Second of all,” he continued, reaching a hand up to her face to get her to look at him again. “There hasn’t been anyone else since I walked into the store and saw you smile back at me.”

“I’m sorry it took so long for me to tell you,” she breathed, suddenly very unaware of anything else.

“I’m sorry I did too.” His breath was warm on her lips, hand sliding to brush past her hair.

She curled her fingers into the straps of his apron. “Doesn’t matter now.”

“Not at all.”

Aqua barely felt his lips against hers again before the kitchen door swung open.

“Terra, hey, Cid-”

Not really any time to pretend they were doing anything less than they were, so Aqua merely looked up to see one of the younger boys, Sora, looking surprised before reaching a hand up to his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he said, cringing under his hand. “Cid says he needs those salads now, Terra, or he’s going to kick your ass himself.”

“Ah, yep, sounds about right.” Terra let her go, to move and grab the two bowls of salads as Sora quickly scurried off back to the reception floor. “Hey, okay, don’t go.” Terra said to her as he walked backwards to the doors, one bowl in each hand. “I’ll get you something to eat when I get back.”

“Okay,” she nodded, reaching her fingers up to her lips for no reason really.

“Okay,” he said, leaning back against the door with a smile.

“Terra,” Sora hissed from the other side of the door.

“Coming, coming.” Terra pushed open the door and he was gone.

Aqua took a moment to breathe before following after him. She poked her head out but no one was paying attention. It looked like all the flowers were finished but she knew she should ask just in case. She really was trying to go find Aerith or Mrs. Gainsborough but she couldn’t help but see Cid gesturing at Terra’s hair angrily as he clearly forgot to put the hairnet back on. He had to jog back to the kitchen to get another one.

She tried not to laugh as she reached forward to adjust one of the center pieces, the flowers smelling even better. The day seemed brighter already as she looked forward to hanging out with Terra in the kitchen, whatever they chose to do next, wherever they would go from here.

Honestly, she wasn’t sure what she had ever been afraid of in the first place.

#terraqua #kingdom hearts #terra #aqua #kh fanfic #my fics:kh #modernaukh #tobewithyou #I posted this a while ago but never here hahaha

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fmdtaeyongarchive · 5 years ago

Text

↬ my long night is not over.

date: early 2019.

location: seoul, south korea.

word count: 2,019 words, not including lyrics.

summary: n/a.

notes: creative claims verification. depression tw. like, this entire thing is about ash’s depression. not proofread because i wrote this all in one night and i’m just throwing it into the queue before i get some sleep lmao.

days off didn’t come often. when they did, ash had a habit of finding some way to fill his time anyway. it had been trained into him, almost literally, not to let a spare moment go to waste since the age of thirteen, and it was hard to ever fully knock that insistent voice out of his head that told him he needed to be busy or he was wasting his life away.

a day off where he didn’t have plans to do any work was unsettling. he’d been laying in bed for hours in an attempt to feel relaxed, but he couldn’t stop his mind racing when there was nothing else to keep it busy. yet, he couldn’t seem to will himself up to do something to waste his time. it was as if his thoughts were weighing down on his chest and preventing him from rising out of bed and forcing himself out into the world like a useful human being. he could recognize, despite his own irrational need for action, that it was odd that he felt his value so intrinsically linked to whether he ended the day with something accomplished when he worked from before sunrise to after night fall every other day of the year. his skin itched with restlessness, but his limbs refused to move, like they were too heavy for his body to lift.

it wasn’t a physical weight. he wouldn’t be getting torn to pieces at the next fitting he had to go to. it was a purely emotional weight, and ash had felt it before. it had been a while since it’d been this hard to fight, though. it may have something to do with his promotions for “untitled, 2014” coming to an end. singing that song on stage every day, multiple times a day, had worn his emotional nerve endings ragged and it made sense that they didn’t want to be exposed to the elements outside of his bed that could fray them again. it’d been a risky move on his part to agree to beat himself up in front of an audience and on camera so consistently. he didn’t have any regrets about it, but some hidden part of his psyche must and it was punishing him even more now by setting off the other parts of his psyche that he didn’t want to venture into the dark and cavernous depths of.

years ago, these episodes of heaviness hadn’t come like this to weigh down on his chest and mind. back in elementary school, he couldn’t remember ever experiencing the feeling, at least not enough to stay in his mind a decade and a half later. as much as he’d like to blame it on bc as he did most of the problems in his life, he couldn’t draw a direct connection to them to make it a fault of theirs either. he hadn’t started feeling this way the day he’d stepped into bc entertainment as a trainee. it wasn’t something in the air of the training building that had done this to him. the times he’d felt it the most often had been since then, but something told ash it would have grown worse as he got older anyway. no longer seeing the world through the eyes of a child was an inevitability regardless of his career path and seeing the harsh scope of reality made it harder to want to crawl out when he was stuck in a ditch like this.

the first time he’d felt this way, he’d been grocery shopping with his mom back in san francisco. his mom was busy piling their items onto the belt to check out and ash’s mind was left without something to distract it and keep the clouds from sweeping in. a feeling of dread had expanded in his chest like a rapidly filling balloon. as vast and wide as the feeling seemed to be, his insides felt completely and utterly empty at the same time. he’d sat in the backseat of the car on his way home from the grocery store so his mom wouldn’t notice the hot tears that wanted to spill out of his eyes. he couldn’t figure out why they were there in the first place. he wasn’t sad and it didn’t feel like it normally did when he wanted to cry. he was numb. suddenly, hopelessness was the only emotion he could reach out and grasp in his palm, all the excitement of life killed on impact like insects on a car windshield. even the idea of exiting the vehicle instead of letting his body rot away within it had felt so utterly pointless. his body would rot somewhere some day anyway.

it’d been such a strong feeling, or rather, a lack of feeling, that ash had never forgotten that day.

the sensation had come back time and time again since then. when he was twenty and the feeling had been constant for months to the point of driving his manager to force him to seek help for it, a psychiatrist had assigned a name to it and ash had wondered why it had taken so long for someone to notice and label it. it explained a lot, ash had discovered when he’d done a search into it beyond what he knew from media. the antidepressants had helped some after trying out a few different options. it was walking a delicate tightrope of what he needed and what bc needed once management knew he was on medication. if he gained weight from it or it impacted his ability to perform, it’d need to be abandoned immediately. that had made it a challenge to find one that helped without unacceptable side effects, but ash had found a variety that worked well enough as time dragged on and the fact that the feeling wasn’t ever going to fully leave him alone sunk in.

no medication could stop him from having days like this completely. “they can’t cure you. they’re to help make it more manageable,” as he’d been told, and any optimism for such days to be in the past had vanished.

so why was it still so painfully unmanageable on days like this?

_______________________________________________________________________

days passed before ash felt up to getting to work in the studio, and even once he did, he had to force himself to ease back into it. the weight never wanted to leave that easily, even after it’d dug its claws out of him enough to let him breathe. friends and colleagues dropped by the studio here and there and it wasn’t easy to smile all the way to his eyes just yet, especially not after long days of trying to do his best at public appearances, but he could press keys on a keyboard to create chords and that was something that could be celebrated as a small victory as long as he wasn’t faced with too much at once.

the simple piano melody came to him as he sat for hours in the studio. it was mostly a succession of chords and nothing too show-offy, but it wouldn’t fit his mood if he did show off. he didn’t feel like he had a few days earlier, but still, he felt like whispering, not shouting from the hilltops. there was no point in trying to write something upbeat when his brain wasn’t ready to expend the energy necessary to go there yet.

the next day, the strings came into the composition. he made a mental note to ask if bc would be able to provide him with real string recordings if the song was ever completed and given the green light for release. he couldn’t see it ever being a single as it was, without a climax or likely much of anything resembling a hook, but maybe it’d be nice to use somewhere in the middle of an album track list one day in a spot that called for something a bit delicate in its closeness to ash’s heart.

the composition wasn’t much, but it was nice on the ears even without vocals. he let the song exist in a purely instrumental form for a while, considering its use as an interlude or outro on a future album. it was cinematic in an understated way, like the score of an animated movie during the scene where the main character was reflecting. they’d be staring into a pool of water for heavy-handed metaphor and there would be fireflies dancing in the dark night around them as a symbol of hope. there wasn’t much hope in his heart writing the song, but the idea of that use of the track brought a dull smile to ash’s face nonetheless. he’d never considered composing scores for movies. he should give that a try one day.

_______________________________________________________________________

he came back to the track several weeks later, with pages of lyrical scrawls he’d gotten out while busy with his work schedule. for the moment, his chest wasn’t so leaden, but it was too familiar and lasting a feeling for him to forget what his really bad lows were like just because they’d passed for the moment.

the world keeps rotating. it’s getting dark alone. my blank mind. there’s no song i want to sing. i want it to be quiet now.

simple rhymes came together into verses and a chorus to be sung lethargically over the music. he’d record his vocals later on when he could decide the best delivery without faking his emotions, but in their content alone, there was a tone to how they should be sung.

the lyrics were a mix of reworded thoughts he’d scribbled down and his own additions as he sat in the studio but they came together like an aimless stream of conscious, perfect to represent the headspace he wanted to convey. it was the closest he could get to writing them when he wasn’t able to. he wasn’t able to pull himself out of the pitch black dark for the sake of creating something, but he could put into words what he’d felt later. they weren’t beautifully poetic, but neither was life most of the time. simplicity didn’t have to mean an absence of meaning. ash had learned that.

he’d written similar songs before. off of his first album, “pause” had been near and dear to his heart for the way it bared parts of him he’d been expected to keep hidden. he had no idea how much the depth of his struggles had been received, but it was having it out in the world that made it cathartic more than how other people felt about it. this track could hopefully bring more peace to him in knowing that some songs could come purely from his heart in a raw way that bc entertainment couldn’t take away from him. if they ever approved it, they’d monetize it and slap a pretty album cover on it with ash smiling or seducing the camera, but that would never take away the truth within the songs he’d written from such an integral core of himself.

when ash had started, he wasn’t so sure what he wanted to accomplish with the song. was his purpose merely to get his thoughts and feelings out onto paper so that they didn’t have to keep floating around in his head? or did he want to selfishly indulge himself by using his keyboard and paper in place of therapy he didn’t have time for in his schedule these days? it hadn’t been clear at the beginning, but once the words were written out in front of him like a poem, he realized that he hoped his own stream of consciousness would be something someone else could relate to. maybe it wouldn’t be the song to save anyone’s life or brighten their whole day, but there were times when knowing there were other people who had felt the same way was the only semblance of comfort that could be found. ash hoped he could be that. no matter how much his music had to become something else to please other people, he hoped this piece could be something else: a song not to please anyone, but to speak to someone like him.

#depression tw #fmdverification #&& queued #almost done with album verifications! hallelujah

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dreadhaus-literature · 5 years ago

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{A/N} Waiting on the Sun to Rise.

Oh how I wish that ol’ sun would rise~♫

youtube

I wrote a bit. {Points down.} It’s nothing special, 2nd POV just ‘cause idk what’s going on with anything again and it feels weird to try and write dedicated pieces when stuff’s off. {Waves a hand in a circle.} Said it before, but this time I’m trying not to let it keep me from writing. Used to use that as an excuse to not write or do anything but I keep saying if I keep that up I’ll literally never do anything and I’m in my 30′s, now.

I’m ready to do stuff. And so I’m gonna do stuff.

I’ve been reading “The Writer’s Process” by Anne Janzer, which was recommended to authors who want to know how to prep for writing seriously, sort of like a “how to get started writing novels” 101 book. It had really good reviews on Amazon and I’m on Chapter Five right now. It’s only about 200 pages long, if that, but it’s honestly really useful. It’s got good tips on balancing work/personal life with trying to write (like you have to actually dedicate time to write, can’t just expect to write a novel on wishful thinking) or how to help stimulate creativity. It includes tidbits and tips from psychologists who have done studies on the best way to tackle creative processes like writing so you can get the most out of your writing; it’s really been a helpful tool. The chapter I’m on right now talks about tackling procrastination, lmao, and how to self-discipline--which I have said is one of my biggest problems. I make excuses, I find reasons to not write, I let myself get distracted, but I’ve been saying all year I’m tired of looking back on the year before and spying all the wasted time and just sighing @ myself.

There’s no excuse other than me being lazy and/or making excuses. The older I get, the less forgiving I get with myself about it.

My 20′s I am now realizing was really not a good time for me to try and get published, I’m sort of allowing myself a pass because now that I’m out of that decade, I realize I was working through a lot of shit. I was still dealing with abuse into my late 20′s and while no one’s life is perfect I recognize that I wasn’t in a good enough headspace to dig deep and write well. My emotions are 97% of my writing and they weren’t right. Now that I’m in a better place in all aspects (still working on the living situation, but got less than a year to go, there) I can shelve the self-reflective work and start trying to make something of this talent and imagination I’ve got.

I don’t really know where this aggressive, “I am going to write.” mojo has come from. I mean I’ve always, always known I wanted to be an author but it was sort of a hobby more than a career. I wasn’t taking it seriously and there’s probably lots of reasons for that--

1. Was dealing with depression and teetering on finding any self-worth enough to try to make something of myself. 2. Been told from a young age that I was not good enough and to give up/not bother trying because I won’t make it. 3. Afraid of failure and the resulting, “I told you so”‘s.

So yeah. I just hid behind fanfiction and sprinkling my OC’s and plotlines through fandom work, which allowed me to express what I wanted to express without fear of failure or putting myself out there. But that’s not enough, at least...I don’t know. I’ll always have a heavy preference for writing for FL and Monica and stuff, but I treat that like...hm. Almost like a treat? It’s a treat for me. To give something of myself to someone I love very much. Her reactions will always be my favorite.

Stepping outside of that, though, fanfiction stopped being enough for me a number of years ago. It was too confining, I had so many ideas and characters and themes and stuff I wanted to put out there that I didn’t want to work in a confined space anymore. Y’know that saying, “Of course you’re uncomfortable and unhappy where you are--you’ve grown, you’ve changed, you are no longer that person. It’s time to move on.”

I feel that.

It was like wearing a pair of shoes that were too small. Yes, I could wear them and get somewhere, but not the distance I needed, and wanted to go. My hopes of being published haven’t gone away. I’m scared to try still, lol, I know my writing’s good, it’s the one thing I know I’m good at, but the way I want to do it is different than the norm. In a way, selfishly, I feel like Christine. She was one of the only people writing paranormal romance when she started, and she’s said how she had to push and push to get her publisher to take a chance on her work, that she knew she had something good and she didn’t give up on it. And now, we have the Carpathians. ♥ I’m somewhat in the same boat with wanting to write 2nd POV. I’m totally capable of making a heroine and giving her a name and backstory but I know what I like to read when I read fanfiction. 2nd POV. It’s more personal, it resonates, and tbh it helped me through some really difficult parts of my life. I want to return that to my readers. To give them that personal immersion that 2nd POV provides. But those aren’t the books that are published.

I’m getting ahead of myself. I don’t have a novel finished or anything, lmao. I just, it’s one of my fears. That I’ll write this novel in 2nd POV and not be able to get it published...but I suppose I should cross the first part of that particular problem before anything else. Can’t fret about being published if there ain’t shit TO publish, DOT.

I’ve got a few novel ideas. Milano hasn’t gone away, lol. He still lurks about, like he’s just waiting for me to get my ass in gear and actually write his book properly.

...I really did sort of just use Yu Yu Hakusho to sort of write my own practice novel of Milano’s, lmao, if I’m being honest. I mean I did also want to go the hipster route and write for Yusuke because he was so under-loved in the community and I wouldn’t be me if I wasn’t subjugating favoritism but truthfully I wanted to let Milano loose. I was proud of him, proud of the story and world I’d created around him, and I needed an outlet for it and was too young to know what to do with what I had. Was fucking 18 years old, fresh out of high school, and in way over my head honestly. Now that I’m matured, older, and my ADHD isn’t kicking my brain around like a pinball machine, I think I can do him proper justice.

So yes, Milano, I will still be writing your novel. Just uh, don’t ask me when. Baby steps.

I also have Bram’s story that I wrote 20 some odd pages of outline and prep work on, that I fully intended to novelize. And I still think I have something there, so hold onto your obsession, Bram. You’re up on the board, too.

The most recent idea I had was for a series of novels, called Help Wanted. It actually started from the most recent story I wrote for Monica, where she delivered those specialized herbs to Milano. I essentially work in a service industry and it got me thinking about how I like to take care of people, that you don’t typically see that in romance novels. Usually the heroine is the one being taken care of and while I won’t object to that, I also like to do the taking care of. And it’s not an itch I get to scratch a lot, when I read. So I have been tossing around this series of novels where the heroine of each book is a caregiver of some sorts, taking care of the love interest in some way, shape, or form.

For example, the idea I came up with today was for a human nanny (the reader) who gets hired by a vampire to take care of his child after his wife was staked/murdered. The vampire is hopeless as a father and needs all the help he can get, and his child needs a proper caregiver. The nanny comes highly recommended and to make matters worse, when shown a list of potential caregivers the child picks her out of all the other candidates. The vampire is wary of allowing a human in his home but he’s rewarded when his little one flourishes under the love and attention the new nanny brings. Can the vampire come to trust and love one of the very same who killed his late wife?

Another idea I had was for a bubbly housekeeper/caregiver who comes to care for a depressed zombie/undead. The undead can barely take care of themselves and the caregiver was hired by a Wellness Committee, who keep tabs on supernaturals (think like child or elder protective services). The undead wants nothing to do with life but can’t die--but maybe, just maybe, with a little bit of TLC from their caregiver they can learn to live again. Happily, with the one who truly saved their soul.

Obviously don’t judge me too harshly, I’m literally like two days into this idea, lmao. It’s rough around the edges, like super rough, but it’s something that speaks to me. It’d be sort of like the Carpathians as in like, a shared universe, with all sorts of different love interests per novel--it’d be paranormal so there’d be monsters and demons and ghosts, weres and mers and just--maybe even superheroes! Or that could be a spin-off series or just--

See it’s just a lot and it’s all brand new and I’m still working all this out.

BUT! What’s exciting to me is that I have ideas, still. I still want to write, I’m still living in this creative, imaginary headspace and I’m still wanting to share that world. I think I’ll just always be this person, and that’s not a complaint. I’m glad. Imaginary places got me through my childhood and tbh it’s what’s getting me through this hectic shit we call adulthood.

I’ve been saying, all year, that I’m going to keep going and I’ll probably keep saying it. I’m still working a lot of stuff out, still figuring out my writing process and I need to get back to writing every day (I did it for the first three months of the year so I know I can do it) so that when the time comes for me to sit down and write for Milano, for Bram, for Help Wanted--

That I’ll still be ready to go. 💕

#{A/N} : commentary #{A/N} : ideas

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ayekanaru · 7 years ago

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{Anonymously or not, tell me who you ship my muse with. || Because this all honestly couldn’t fit into one ask and I didn’t want to split it up into multiple ones}

I know you are aware that I ship our muses for a fanfic I’m trying to write, but I’ve kept mention of it to a minimum on my blog because (1) don’t wanna make it seem like I expect something and force you along with it cuz that’s force shipping and that’s no bueno and didn’t want that coming off as my intention for rping because it really wasn’t. A disappointing and toxic roleplay group plus a mighty need to share my Nappa portrayal with Tumblr was (2) Our muses hadn’t interacted much anyways so who knew if they’d get along well enough?

I’ve been enjoying the threads we’ve had together, they’re worth waiting for and I am pleasantly surprised by how the two muses get along as friends. Their social chemistry is better than I expected, and the banter is so entertaining to read and write for both when they get along and when they don’t see eye-to-eye.

I know your muse already has @asktenchi as an interested Tenchi and they do an awesome job being IC with him. There are also a great number of other muses that Ayeka gets along with too. However, if you and your muse ever feel a pull towards wanting more than friendship with Nappa, I’m gonna let you know that as of right now she’s one of the few muses I’ve had Nappa interact with that has a legitimate chance of sparking his interest for a romantic relationship. It’s alright if you don’t see it ever going down that road, because that can certainly happen too and both my muse and I would be fine with that. But I figured now was a good time to bring it up since this ask meme has had me thinking about this lately.

I know it may seem like a biased thing, but I’ve been lookin’ around at the other muses who try to flirt seriously with Nappa and…it’s difficult to find muses who have mutual chemistry with the big guy. The only one who did have mutual chemistry with him wasn’t interested in shipping at all so we kept it to flirtatious banter. She left Tumblr because she wanted to focus on her family, understandably. That was so many months ago and since then Nappa’s not felt anything like that from another muse.

Other interested female muses only remark on/compliment his physical appearance – mostly his muscles too lol – as what makes them interested. Honestly it makes me and my muse feel like Odette from the beginning of The Swan Princess. “Thank you…but what else?”

Again, I wanna reiterate that I love and value the friendship between our muses and if it only stays a friendship I’d be perfectly happy with that. And I hope I don’t make you feel uncomfortable bringing it up or make you think I will be counting on things to go down a romantic road. Just wanted to say while we do ship Ayeka with happiness and self-confidence first and foremost, we also wouldn’t turn her away from forming a ship with Nappa.

////

Some things to clear up first: 1) Sydney @nappainanotherdimension and I have talked about this on Discord after this ask was sent [because uh, whoops thesis and grad school, I wasn't on tumblr???] so some of this may seem repetitive to her but new to you, dear followers; 2) Nyuck, nyuck, Odette. Who would be Derek then? 2) *Zsa-Zsa Gabor voice* Please. Ze followers. No drama.

Okay, now that this is already pretty long, my answer to this is under the cut. I'm not going to do point by point, bur rather a general full-fledged answer!

I've already told you this, but when I first found your personal blog, and went through your Tenchi tags, I really liked what you had reblogged and written in your personal text posts. It must have been one of the first pro-Ayeka --or at the very least, someone who appreciated Ayeka, because she might have not been your fave, I didn't know lmao-- blogs that had accumulated enough content related to Ayeka and/or Tenchi. I did notice that you, like me, were a fan of the...crossover ships ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

What I found "whadda heck" worthy was that you shipped Nappa with Ayeka! My first thought, to be honest, was "...the bald guy from the Team Four star memes?"

[ I knew of him from DBZ, but since most people my age apparently found out about him and liked him from the TFS videos, I thought maybe that's where your like of him came from? At the time, because now I know better :y ]

I'm the type of person who isn't a shipper hardcore, and for most ships that don't make sense to me initially, I go "okay, well, whatever floats her boat!" XD I did like the pieces of art there were, and I think I liked your Raditz/Mihoshi icon more because yay, somebody also appreciates Mihoshi! XD And they like the buddy cop angle of things? LMAO

But anyway, time passes, we get to chatting and then you say you want to make a blog. Cool! You want to make a blog for Nappa!

Aw, jiminy christmas.

Your worries that I'd think you were force shipping on me were the same as mine. I've seen it enough times on Tumblr that I honestly was surprised I found myself in a situation where that could've been a possibility. I enjoyed your fanfics, even the lemon ones lmao, just because they were funny but also it was me going okay, how does she believe this ship works again?

and lemme tell you, I am the absurdist around here in terms of crossover ships, both platonic and romantic. [We've talked about some others of our own too, nyuck nyuck.] I really wanted to understand because obviously, I supposed we were going to interact and I'd wanted to know how you saw them so I could back the heck away, ignore it, and try to do my thing with Ayeka properly. I didn’t really want to think of the ship when I wrote, I wanted to approach it as if Ayeka really did meet Nappa for the first time or had him enough time as a guest in your DBZ/TM verse.

Half of my worries went away when yay, you weren't going to force ship and wanted to actually interact! Whhhaaat, true build up of characters through rp on Tumblr dot com? The devil, you say!

And like you say, and I agree, the banter has been really fun? Surprisingly not really, Ayeka finally gets some respect in the manner that sometimes she doesn't get lmao. Her attempts at cooking, her own thoughts and views -- not saying everyone in the Masaki house's a jerk [they're not, and listen, Ayeka really does mean stuff too without thinking or on purpose] but you get different things with different people, and with Ayeka, it's probably getting some maturity and two-way respect in conversations befitting two super old people 8D

To be honest, sometimes I get a tinge of the cynic in me, and wonder if the writing turns out the way it does because maaaybe it's being geared towards something else? But then, like, I remember Nappa and Skuld --and Sasami!-- and how believable your headcanon about him and children is, how real it feels. Of course, the fact that you would write with anyone, and even with my Skuld who you know less about in comparison, just makes the cynic go shoo-shoo. You don’t seek out ships either -- like most people will notice if they peruse your blog, the ladies come to Nappa LMAO.

Plus, again, the threads are fun. I'm still laughing at the Xmas one where Nappa thinks Ryoko and Ayeka are the alpha females XD

In that sense, I can see why Ayeka throughout our rps would have a better chance with him. I mean I've seen your threads, it's pretty obvious who Nappa gets a conversation with, who Nappa gets a Conversation with, and who Nappa gets small talk-y with. Sometimes it's the writing, sometimes it's the character. That's the way rp works. Ayeka and Nappa have Conversations.™

I think I didn't really answer your ask as is, so I'll just say this, which applies to everyone: if the writing takes us that way, it takes us that way. I'm slowly beginning to see your crossover ship as it is, but still feel "hmm, but is it really?" It's like Ayeka and Fang: I didn't expect it, but the writing took those muses to some place along the lines of "are they...or are they???!" I would hope the end result takes us somewhere where we’re both satisfied with whatever relationship our muses have.

Or maybe you know, either polyamory polygyny or Nappa fights Tenchi, I guess. [I vote for the Pay Per View fight during the Space Travels arc of Universe.]

#everyone loves me more than they do ryoko (submissions)#nappainanotherdimension #up walk in the galaxy! (asks)#(because technically an ask )#ooc #submission

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arrow-guy · 8 years ago

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Urgent Care

A/N: Okay, so I wrote this loosely based on this post that @imagine-assembling-the-avengers reblogged a little over a month ago because I couldn’t help myself. I think it may have gotten a little out of hand, but I’m p happy with the way it’s turned out! I just hope you guys feel the same way lmao

Pairing: AvengersxReader

Word Count: 5185

Warnings: Slight angst?

“Margaret Carter?”

“Yes?” The woman lying on the hospital bed manages to rasp out. Her breathing is labored and she’s fighting to keep her eyes open. “Who…” She trails off, trying to catch her breath. “Who are you?”

“You don’t know me, but I know how to help you.”

She lets out a hoarse laugh. “How could you help me? I’m dying, dear. There’s nothing to be done.”

“There’s always something to be done.” I shake my head and step towards her. “I have… well, I have powers. I can restore you to the way you were in the forties; young, spry and healthy.”

“How is it that you have these powers?” She asks, wary of the newly presented information.

“I’m an Inhuman, Ms. Carter. When Terrigen mists were released in my city, I was lucky enough to have the necessary alien genes to form a chrysalis and develop powers. Now,” I place my hands on my hips. “Do you want my help or not?”

“Why do you want to help me?”

“Because your idiot godson and too-pretty-for-his-own-good ex are about to do something so stupid that it’ll destroy the balance between supers and civilians as we know it.”

Her eyes widen. “And how do you happen to know this?”

“Not illegally, I can promise you that. I just happen to have Inhuman informants on the inside.”

“Alright… but how do you expect to explain my sudden, miraculous transformation to the hospital staff?”

“Oh, the hospital won’t know. They’ll think you’ve died.”

“And how do you expect to pull that off?”

“Tetrodotoxin B, Ms. Carter. It slows the heart rate to one beat per minute. Dr. Banner is quite brilliant, regardless of whether or not his inventions work the way he intended them.”

“So, I’ll be dead, will I?”

“Legally, yes.”

“And when I wake, I’ll be young again. Is that what you’re telling me?”

“Pretty much, yeah.”

She’s silent for a moment, staring at something directly in front of her. She purses her lips and turns back to me “Do it.”

“Cool,” I smirk and produce a syringe of the tetrodotoxin b and take a step closer to the woman on the bed. “I suggest you get comfortable. You’re gonna be out for a while.”

–

“Ms. Carter,” I snap my fingers in front of her face in an attempt to rouse her. “Rise and shine, sleeping beauty.”

Her eyelids flutter momentarily before her eyes snap open and she sits bolt upright, eyes wide. She looks at me in confusion then down at her hands and, if it’s even possible, her eyes widen further. “This isn’t a dream, is it?”

“Thought you might ask that,” I hand her a mirror and grab my coffee from the table next to her bed. “So I brought backup.”

“How can you do this?” She asks, tearing her eyes away from her reflection. “I realize you have powers, but how can you use them without draining yourself?”

I shrug. “I just have to make sure I take in enough calories before I do anything. Either that, or I drain something or someone else”

“Someone?” She asks, lifting one perfectly shaped eyebrow. She’s trying her hardest to keep her cool, but the mask is slipping.

I shrug again. “If I have to, yes.” I finish with my coffee and crush the slightly soggy paper cup in my hand. “It’s not ideal but, y'know, desperate times and all.”

She nods her understanding and casts her eyes around the room. “Where are we?”

“Motel about half an hour’s drive from the Avengers facility in upstate New York. We have to get to there before dark.”

“You told me Steve and Tony were about to do something only I could stop. What exactly am I stopping?”

“Tony and a number of the other Avengers are about to sign the Sokovia accords. The accords were drawn up in order to move the power over those with powers to the government. Anyone with powers who doesn’t sign, meaning mutants, Inhumans and any other sort of enhanced person, will immediately be marked a criminal and they will be pursued and captured. If they are coerced to sign, they’ll be assigned to a team and all will be fine and dandy.”

“And if they refuse?”

“They’ll be put in prison. Specifically the kind that’s submerged in the middle of the ocean somewhere. They call them rafts. I like to call them hell.”

“Tony wouldn’t dare. “

“I think you’ll find that he would.” I snort. “He’s done a lot of things that he’s not proud of and he’s made some things that he lost control of. He thinks that if there’s someone to keep them in control, then he can prevent any potential future disasters.”

“And Steve…?”

“Steve disagrees, obviously.”

She smiles, likes she’s remembering something. “He never really did like having someone tell him what to do.”

“It’s more than that though. The accords affect everyone. Any powered person who doesn’t sign is a criminal. If someone’s in hiding and has to expose themselves to help an innocent in the street, no matter how pure their intentions, will be put away if they don’t sign.”

“How am I supposed to straighten them out? I’m not an unstoppable force.”

“You’re the only thing left they don’t want to lose. Steve’s probably already gotten an alert letting him know you’ve passed. We have to get to the compound before something drastic happens.”

“Alright then,” She swings her legs over the side of the bed and pushes herself up. “What are we waiting for?”

“For you to change out of your grandma gown.” I rise from my seat and grab the clothing I bought for her and throw the wadded up items at her. “You look ridiculous.”

She readily catches the clothing and looks down at the nightgown she’s currently wearing before laughing. “I suppose the nightgown does age me. Where is the restroom?”

“Just down the hall there,” I point in the general direction. “I’ll pack up and start the car.”

She nods and walks off to the bathroom to change. I shove all of the clothing that’s laying around into the duffel that I brought, leaving a pair of shoes and socks out for Peggy to put on when she returns from the bathroom. Other than the possessions that I brought with, I grab the notepad and ballpoint pen from the table closest to the door and scribble down the phone number of my informant and a message that I’ll have Peggy send on either we’re on our way to the compound. After finishing with the message I take both the notepad and pen, but leave behind the key card on the table.

I fling the duffel in the back of the car and slam the door before dropping heavily into the driver’s seat and loudly closing the door.

It’s about ten minutes before Peggy slides into the passenger seat. I start the engine and, as soon I as she’s buckled her seatbelt, I tear out of the parking lot.

We ride in silence until Ms. Carter can’t stand it any longer. She shifts in her seat and angles her body towards mine. I feel her gaze weighing on me like a ton of bricks.

“Spit it out before I hit you.”

“What exactly is it that you can do?”

“In what context, Ms. Carter.”

“Your powers.” She says. “What are the extend of your powers?”

“Oh. Well, I manipulate stored energy. I can drain energy from people, plants, animals, you name it. I can also give that power back. If I have to, I can weaponize it, but I prefer to keep my talents in the infirmary.”

“Is that how you met your informant?”

“More or less yes. He and I worked at the Avengers facility together. He’s a weapons technician and I worked in the infirmary. More often than not, he would get injured trying to help Stark with his tech and I’d have to patch him up.” I concentrate on the road signs my eyebrows furrowing. “I got pretty well acquainted with most of the Avengers, if I’m being honest. After they found out about my powers they would occasionally come see me for a little energy boost before missions. Not all of them will be happy to see me, so please don’t be offended if I use you like a human shield.”

“Why wouldn’t they be happy to see you?” She asks, narrowing her eyes at me.

“Let’s just say I couldn’t be exactly what they wanted.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

I sigh, my grip tightening around the steering wheel. “During the Ultron incident the team picked up a couple of kids. They went to Sokovia and only one of the kids came back alive. They wanted me to bring him back, but I couldn’t. His brain had been without oxygen for too long and I couldn’t do anything to help.” I wipe a frustrated tear away with my thumb. “No one was too happy to have me around at that point, so I left. I kept in touch with my informant and, from what he tells me, at least a few of them think I’m a deserter.”

“That hardly seems appropriate.” She turns her body back to the front of the car and focuses her eyes on the road.

“Yeah, well I left when things got hard. Their words hold some truth. Can’t really be upset when I’m the one who gave up and ran away.” I flip open the compartment between the two front seats and fish out the note I had written earlier and the cell phone and toss them into her lap. “The past doesn’t matter. The present does though, so text that message to the number on the paper.”

–

I stop the car in a secluded area a ways away from the facility. It looks almost exactly the way it did the day I left.

“So this is the Avengers facility?”

“Yup.”

“It’s not as large as I would have expected Tony to have built it.”

“There’s more to it than what you see right here.” I unbuckle my seatbelt and pull myself out of the car. Peggy follows and joins me on my side of the car. “There are a bunch of buildings that you can’t see from here and there’s a large portion of the facility that’s underground.” I point to a small building a few yards away. “That’s how we’re getting in. We just have to wait for my friend to open the door.”

“And when is that supposed to happen?”

“Just give the man a second. He does work in one of the most heavily fortified facilities in the world.”

“What is that building anyway? It’s so small, I can’t imagine it having much more use than a small shed.”

“It’s the underground entrance. Most people who live outside of the facility use it to come and go, especially those of us who work, or rather worked on the lower levels of the facility.”

“Huh,”

The doors slide open, revealing my friend who stands there staring in our general direction. I lock the car and gesture to Ms. Carter to follow me. She sticks close, understanding the risk of sneaking into the compound.

“It’s about damn time you got here.” He says as soon as we’re in earshot. “You were supposed to be here an hour ago.”

I roll my eyes and sigh. “Shut up and give me a hug you asshole.” He laughs and pulls me into a brief but tight hug. “We works have been here sooner, but restoring her drained me more than I expected it to.”

He nods and looks over my shoulder to Ms. Carter. “It’s an honor to meet you ma’am. We’ve all heard great things.”

“It’s good to meet you too.” She nods respectfully. “I have no idea what your names are though.”

“You didn’t tell her our names?!”

“It never came up!”

“You’re hopeless.” He sighs in resignation. “I’m Jared and they’re (Y/N).”

“Alright,” Peggy nods once again.

“Okay, we should head inside before we get caught out here. I’d rather go to them than have them come to us.” I suggest stepping aside to allow Peggy to go through the door before me. Jared nods and we follow him down three flights of stairs and into his small office at the very end of the corridor.

As soon as the door is closed I open an application on my phone and activate it before nodding to Jared. He nods back and nod grabs a spare uniform that he managed to smuggle out of the laundry from behind his desk.

“How long do we have until they know something’s up?” He asks.

“Maybe fifteen minutes, twenty if we’re lucky.” I answer taking one of the uniforms from him and immediately beginning to change into it. “Stark, we should start worrying around ten.”

“Alright then, here’s the plan; Stark and Rogers aren’t exactly talking to each other right now. Last I heard, Rogers was mourning the loss of Ms. Carter here. You walk past a few security cameras, freak out the security staff enough that they call Stark in to check, he alerts the rest of the team and you wait for them to come to you.”

“Cool,” I zip the front of the uniform and stuff the cap on my head. “Anyone I should be particularly worried about?”

“Romanoff and Barton always seemed to like you, so they probably won’t be a huge problem. The Vision is just…”

“Vision?” I offer.

Jared snorts. “Let’s say he’s learning. You see the news a couple days ago?” I nod. “Wanda’s in a bad spot, she may not even show up.”

“Might be for the best. I got weird energy readings off of her when she realized I couldn’t bring her brother back.” I nod. “Anyone else I should be wary of aside from the fearless leaders?”

“Rhodes and Wilson joined up, so you might want to watch out for them.”

“Why is it that you’re warning them but not me?” Peggy asks.

“Because you’re the person who started all of this.” Jared says, gesturing to the facility in general. “Who would dare hurt you?

“Even so-”

“Listen,” I cut her off “I’m the one who pissed everyone off. Anyone who’s still upset with me is more likely to just punch me and then ask questions. If they don’t recognize you, they still won’t initially hurt a civilian. You’re fine.”

“If you insist.”

“She’s right, Ms. Carter.” Jared glances at the clock. “You two better get going if you want to get this done.”

I nod. “Alright, let’s go.”

We bid Jared farewell and head back out into the facility. I take her down past the gym where the Captain worked out when he wanted to be alone and check the window to the main door. Sure enough, he’s in there, pounding away at a bag near the doors. I slip away before he can see me and nod to Peggy. She nods back and takes her place in front of the door.

Taking a knee, I press the palms of my hands flat against the concrete floor. I close my eyes and focus on the Captain’s energy signature. When I’m sure that I’ve locked onto his unique energy, I send a jolt through the floor and into his body in hopes of it startling him enough to get him to look around and see his lost love standing at the door.

At the sound of Ms. Carter’s soft gasp, I grab her wrist and haul her down the corridor, whipping the both of us around a corner and pressing us against the wall. We hear the doors slam open and the slapping of feet against concrete as Steve thunders out of the gym. As soon as we hear his footsteps retreat we move on to our next point.

We quickly make our way to the hangar. There are rows upon rows of quinjets in various states of disrepair. Several technicians shout a greeting and I wave back, grinning at their reactions when they realize who we are.

“(Y/N)!”

I glance over my shoulder to see who’s trying to get my attention. When I see someone jogging to catch up with us I stop Ms. Carter and turn around to wait. I squint at them, trying to figure out who they are and it takes a while for it to click.

“Freddy?” I call, “Is that you?”

He laughs as he comes to a stop in front of me. “The one and only.”

“You’ve put on some weight, man.” I comment, pulling him into a hug. “It’s a good look for you.”

He laughs again, slapping me heartily on my back before releasing me from the hug. “I’ll have you know it’s all muscle!”

I snort in amusement. “Yeah, whatever you say, Fred.” He grins at me and I laugh at his response. “How’re the wife and kids?”

“Still just as tickled as ever that I have a job.” He answers. Peggy catches his attention and I immediately see the rebellious sparkle glint in his eyes. “So you’re really doing it, huh? Restoring balance to the Avengers?”

“We’re sure as hell gonna try.”

“Well good on you,” He leans in slightly and lowers his voice. “Though I’m glad I’m not the one who has to be there when the shit hits the fan.”

“I would never ask that of you. You have a family to protect. I don’t want to mess that up for you.” A loud siren cuts through the air and I sigh loudly. “That’s our cue, Ms. Carter.”

“It was lovely to meet you, Fred.” Peggy says, nodding to the stout man in front of us.

“Same to you, ma’am.” He grins at the two of us and squeezes my arm in a silent wish of good luck.

I clap him on the shoulder and lead Peggy towards the exit on the other side of the hangar. Before we leave the massive room I take off the cap that I’m wearing and discard it, making it easier to recognize me.

I hold the door for Ms. Carter and follow after her as soon as she’s through the doorway, the door banging shut behind us.

“There they are!” Someone yells to our right. Upon further investigation I find a horde of facility security officers not too far off.

“Oh, this is getting good,” I say, shooting a manic grin at Peggy before grabbing her by the hand and rushing off in the direction opposite the security officers.

Without so much as a shout of complaint, Peggy races after me, managing to stick close to me as we wave through the maze-like halls of the facility.

As soon as we burst through the doors that lead to another open field on the other side of the compound we’re met by both Stark and Rhodes, their repulsors trained on the both of us. By the shouts coming from behind us I would hazard a guess that the security guards followed us out and, with any luck, the good captain himself.

“Was this part of the plan?” Ms. Carter hisses.

“Completely.” I answer. “Just stay very still.”

“Y know, I was really hoping we’d never see you again, (Y/N).” Stark’s voice scratches out of his suit.

“Believe me, if I could have avoided coming back, I would have.”

“Care to explain why you’re back then? And on top of that, why did you drag this innocent woman into your petty liitle fight with us?”

“Are you really such an incredible dumbass that you’ve already forgotten what your godmother looks like, Stark?” I question.

Tony snorts in derision. “Peggy Carter is dead. You really expect anyone to believe that you brought her back after claiming you couldn’t bring Maximoff back?”

“He had been without oxygen for too long. If I had even tried he would have been brain dead and that would have been a fate worse than death. I did everyone a favor. The fact that you still can’t see that just cements the fact that leaving this team was the best decision I ever made. However, I didn’t come here to dig up the past, I came to get you idiots the scolding of a lifetime.” I run a hand through my hair and square my shoulders defiantly. “Three days ago I paid Ms. Carter a visit in her hospital room. I offered her the chance to have her youth back and she accepted. Using one of Banner’s little inventions, I helped her fake her death and restored her.”

“You're… you’re really not lying about this, are you?” Steve’s voice sounds from behind me. I sigh loudly and turn around to face the man.

“I’ve caused you all enough pain as it is. I wouldn’t come back and spout nonsense just to rub salt into the wounds.”

Looking over my shoulder, I catch Ms. Carter’s eye and nod to her. Her jaw sets and she turns to face the man. I watch as his eyes go wide and tears form in his eyes.

“Hello, Steve.” She says quietly.

“I-I…” He stutters, searching for something to say. “You’re here.” He says finally.

Peggy nods once. “I am. “ She confirms before turning around again to face her godson. “Now, Anthony, this young person has filled me in on the, what did you call them?” She asks, turning her head towards me.

“The Sokovia Accords.” I answer.

“Yes, the Sokovia Accords.” She nods. “You can’t seriously be considering signing the blasted thing.”

“The accords are going to do a lot of good.” He says defensively.

“No, what they’re going to do is set back the progress we’ve made with powered people by several decades. Do you realize how hard it was to normalize the existence of mutants, Tony? Now with the appearance of Inhumans, we’re presented with an entirely new obstacle and the only thing signing those accords will do is not only criminalize, but demonize the existence of anyone with abilities.”

“Aunt Peggy-”

“I am not finished.” She says tersely. I imagine her tacking on a ‘young man’ at the end of her sentence and have to tamp down the urge to laugh. “Why exactly are you signing the accords? Did you think about how it would affect the rest of your team? How it would affect the rest of the world? Once you sign something like this and it takes hold, it’s very hard to dismantle it. Tell me, have you even read through the proposal?”

“I’ve skimmed it.”

“Of course you have.” I mutter, scrubbing a hand down my face.

“(Y/N), please, that’s not helping.” Peggy says curtly.

“Right, sorry. Force of habit.”

She rolls her eyes. “Do you know what they’re proposing to do with those who don’t sign the accords, Tony?”

“I don’t exactly remember for sure.” He answers. We can’t see his face, but I’m certain he’s trying to look anywhere but at Peggy right now.

“They’re going to put them in prison, dear. Prison. For something they can’t even control. And you think this is a good proposal?”

The faceplate of Tony’s mask finally slides up, revealing his uncertain expression. “We need someone to keep us in line. We can’t keep operating on our own. Too many bad things have happened when we’ve run unchecked and it can’t go on like this.”

“Then propose something else.” Peggy says evenly. “The two of you need to work together and draw up a document that you can both agree on.”

“That sounds… doable.” Steve says slowly.

“It damn well better be or, so help me, I will take over and make your lives a living hell until you straighten out. Even then, who knows what I’ll do!” Peggy threatens.

I watch Steve visibly stiffen and I find myself slightly amazed at the effect that this woman has on these two men. I knew she was important, but I guess even then I underestimated her.

When the two men don’t verbally react she shoots alternating disapproving looks at the two men. “Do I make myself clear?”

“Of course, Peggy.” Steve nods fervently.

Peggy and I stare at Tony expectantly. He drops his gaze to the grass.

“Yes, Aunt Peggy.” He mumbles, his words just barely loud enough for us to hear.

Peggy nods in satisfaction. “Good. Now shake on it.”

Both men stare at her, eyes wide. She just lifts her eyebrows at the two of them, her expression otherwise stern.

“Well?” She places her hands on her hips. “We haven’t got all day, have we?”

I watch, mouth covered by my hand to muffle a giggle, as the two men trudge reluctantly towards each other and firmly grasp one others hand. They move them up stiffly up and down once before looking to Ms. Carter for approval. She sighs in exasperation and rolls her eyes.

“Fine,” She scrubs a hand down her face and crosses her arms over her chest. “Let’s get started on this. I don’t want you to put off something this important.”

Steve nods and waves away the security officers who quickly disperse, nodding once to me and Ms. Carter before they’re gone.

“Y’know, I half wanted to work security when I started here.” I muse, watching the men stalk off to their regular postings. “Maybe you guys wouldn’t hate me as much if I did.”

“You think that we hate you?” Steve questions.

I shrug once before nodding. “S’why I left. Everyone was throwing off negative energy and it was all directed at me. With the strength of it, I knew I wouldn’t be missed if I left. On top of that, Tony’s little greeting earlier really just confirmed that my decision was the right one.”

Steve’s expression darkens and I can’t quite read it. He just looks me directly in the eye and nods once before motioning for us to follow him.

I follow after Peggy as both Tony and Steve lead the way back into the facility.

Soon the hallway let’s out into a tunnel of glass, looking out on the expansive fields of the facility. Everything is impossibly green and beautiful. I half wonder if one of the landscapers has powers because whoever keeps up with this has to either be in a hundred places at once or have the greenest thumb in existence.

I amble along behind the small group, taking in the view, shoving my hands in my pockets and not really paying any attention to what’s going on around me. If I keep quiet I’ll be able to leave again soon without too much fuss.

“(Y/N)!” Tony barks, snapping his fingers in front of my nose, effectively stopping me in my tracks.

“What?” I ask, scowling at him.

“We’ve been trying to get your attention for a while now.” Steve says.

“Really?” I raise my eyebrows in surprise. “Sorry, I was just thinking about how much I don’t want to be here. Didn’t realize you’d actually want to talk to me.”

“Is everyone who quits your little company this sarcastic, Tony?” Peggy asks.

“Nope, just this one.”

I roll my eyes. “What was it that you wanted to talk to me about?”

“Where did you get the uniform?” Tony asks. “It’s not like you can just make one.”

“I borrowed it from a friend who liberated it from the wash for me.”

“Who was it?”

“Now that would be tattling, Stark, and tattling can get someone fired in a place like this.”

“It’s not like I’d fire them.” Tony grumbles.

“Wouldn’t you though?” Steve questions, cooking an eyebrow accusing lyrics.

Stark isn’t given a chance to defend himself as Natasha enters the corridor.

“I heard the alarm a little while ago, what happened?” She asks, looking between her two colleagues.

“Why don’t you ask your little friend here?” Tony says, making a sweeping gesture towards me.

“Friend? I didn’t know anyone was supposed to be here.” Her brow furrows as she looks past them before her eyes settle on me and a grin stretches her elegant features. “(Y/N)?”

“Hey, Nat,” I greet her with a wave and a bright smile. “Fancy meeting you here!”

She pushes past the men at the head of the group to wrap an arm round my neck and pull me down to her height so she can grind her knuckles into my scalp. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”

“Couldn’t,” I grit out, smile still firmly in place, and try to shove her off of me. “It was kind of a secret.”

“I’m a spy, I can keep a secret.” She says, releasing me and punching me in the arm.

“I know, but this was a really big one!” I say, my voice almost a whine, and rub at my arm.

“This is what that young man meant when he said she liked you?” Peggy asks incredulously.

“What young man?” Tony asks.

“Nunya,” I answer, shit eating grin plastered on my face.

“Last name?”

“Business.”

“Nunya Business…” Tony trails off, his brow furrowing angrily. “Are you fucking kidding me.”

Steve snorts loudly, his mouth covered with his hand to keep his laughter contained and Peggy smacks his arm, a soft smile playing at the corners of her mouth. I laugh outright and Natasha snickers from beside me.

“Was it Jared?” Nat whispers in my ear. I nod in response. “Good kid.”

“He is,” I agree.

“Is that Peggy Carter?”

“Indeed it is,” I nod.

“Isn’t she supposed to be dead?” Natasha asks.

“Yup,”

“Tetrodotoxin B?”

“Right on the nose, Nat.” I laugh. “Figured she was the only one who could fix this whole business with the Accords.”

“Huh,”

“Yeah,” I sigh quietly. Steve, Tony and Peggy begin walking down the hall again and Natasha and I follow after them, keeping enough distance between us that we can talk at a normal level. “Is Steve still looking for Barnes?”

“You think there’s any force in the world that could possibly stop him once he’s put his mind to something?”

“Right, well, he might want to check Romania.”

“Romania?”

“Sounds strange, I know, but I’ve heard rumors from a few Inhumans in the area who have seen someone who looks like the Winter Soldier in the street markets.”

The group goes into the conference room and Natasha and I loiter outside a while longer.

“You sure the information is legitimate?” She questions.

“I doubt my own people would lie about something this serious. Still,” I shrug. “Even if it’s not, it’s a better lead than anything he’s had in almost two years.”

“Sure wouldn’t hurt.” She turns her attention to the group in the room, hunched over a large stack of papers. “You think you’d ever come back?”

“Stark doesn’t want me here.” I say simply.

“That doesn’t answer the question, (Y/N).”

“Let’s worry about the Accords before I make a decision okay?”

“Fair enough.”

--------

Part 2

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92prince · 8 years ago

Text

Concert Tickets

concert au based off an old gruvia prompt i wrote MANY MANY YEARS AGO LMAO, the erwin part partly based off of TheHeroineIsMe’s ff Honey and Stone. read it here! anyways, enjoy lolol

The fact that Petra Ral had started as a loyal fangirl didn’t mean being swept away in the bustling crowd of obnoxious other fangirls didn’t make the band leader notice her through the mass of people circling around them. When the handsome blonde man with piercing, diamond tinted eyes and perfectly broad shoulders glanced over her way, she’d screamed. Ever so hardly that she could pass out. And when he’d call her by the strawberry blonde shade of her hair accompanied by a charming smile, she’d died. “Honey coloured hair, get on the stage!” Was all it took for her to pace back and forth from her reality and have the fangirls around her glare into her bones, envy taking over them.

She had struggled pushing herself through the radius, but the pride in her never ceased. She was bound to be up o stage with the band she’d grown obsessed with, having her favourite member of the band call her out. Petra could die any second by then. Amber coloured eyes sparkled as she bit her lips in, restraining the urge to scream and collapse. It just had to be one of those happiest days of her life, and when Erwin Smith snaked an arm around her waist and pulled her close, it became the happiest. Screams and cheers had been delivered from the crowd, mixed with cries of jealousy and just plain cheers. Really, some of these people just cheer at every single damn thing a band member does whilst they’re up on stage. Petra lifted a hand lowly before her shoulder and slightly waved when she’d spotted Erd, proudly smiling at her along with Gunter; and just a tad grumbled Auruo. It was either because of the displeasing sight (to him, of course) of Petra and the blonde band leader, or he had just bitten his tongue again. Maybe even both.

But Petra drew her attention away from the three of her friends as she realised where she was, again; on the holy stage with the godly band she’d been addicted to, with her favourite member’s hand hooked around her waist on a blessed Saturday night. And not in her dimmed, soft blue painted room, in front of her three years old Macbook Air and fangirling like an idiot. Those people she’d squeal to every night from behind the screen of her laptop were there with her, on the stage. “So, who brought you here tonight, honey?” Petra had internally squealed, but a wave of disappointment had slapped against her heart when she’d realised it was for the specific colour of her hair, and not the lovey-dovey nickname lovers would exchange. There was this thing about the remarkable colour of her hair that stands out so, so often in ways people couldn’t think possible - resulting amazing effects or just brutally opposing ones. And in this case, it’s the latter. She wouldn’t - couldn’t ever take the nickname ‘honey’ seriously anymore after the realisation.

“M-My friends. Erd, Auruo and Gunter.” She responded. The little compliments by the other members became inaudible muffled noises to her when Erwin began speaking into his microphone again. “What are you doing next Saturday?” He smiled. She died, for the millionth time that night.

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.

"Classes.” Was all she’d said. No lies hid behind the statement, but she’d score her way out of the damned paperworks if there were to be another concert held again in the little town.

The members on the stage laughed, Hanji’s being the loudest and the most obnoxious one yet; followed by the sea of people depraved by the stage. Boy, was Petra embarrassed. The veins on her neck grew red to the roots of her face, until she felt it bursting into fifty different directions that no one would be laughing anymore. What she hadn’t noticed was the bassist, on the other hand, a thin brow raised at the strawberry blondie. Unlike everyone else, he was amused; on how most girls that had the chance on going up on stage would literally squeal and tackle the members that they’d cry for the bodyguards, but this chick right here was completely calm, trailing and claiming that she’ll be in about campus next Saturday. Interesting.

“Well, skip it, honey - cause’ you’ve just won yourself a ticket to Wings of Freedom this Saturday!” Erwin spoke, cheers hung in the air again, louder and louder to the point Petra couldn’t register it into her earlobes anymore.

It’s all thanks to Erd that they’ve had gotten backstage passes, at the very last minute even. The strawberry blonde was still squealing no matter how many hours it had passed, and the only thing that had succeeded in shutting her up was when the call to the backstage had approved. She’d shrink in nervousness but gallop in excitement at the same time. Then there she was, finally seeing Erwin with her own pair of eyes, admiring him as if he was the only thing by then. He’d charmingly smile in return, towering over her and complimenting how sweet she was. It wasn’t until Erwin had asked, “What’s your name, honey?”

Petra slowly gaped her mouth open to utter the stone defined, Greece originated name of hers - until the deafening beeping of her phone interrupted those words that hadn’t even made it’s way out yet. In the speed of a heartbeat she’d fish her phone out, convincing Erwin it’ll be ‘just a second, yeah’ and ended up entirely shocked. She’d forget real life too much for the past hours of her day, that she hadn’t even realised it was twelve. That’s when nervousness took over her anatomy, she couldn’t move at all.

“Goddamn, Nifa, let me go to this one; please?” Petra begged the mistress of their house, little jumps by her feet as she inflicted impatience herself.

“I’m telling you, dear.” Nifa started. “I’m content with it, but it is not my position to let you leave the manor without your father’s approval.”

Petra rubbed her temples, frustrated. She knew she should’ve pleaded this sooner. “My father would never let me wander off to concerts, and you know that well. I’m only asking you to shush about it, for the literal sake of Pete!”

The middle aged woman huffed a sigh before leaning her waist against the counter of the newly wiped counter. “..I won’t be going against differ now, since you won’t even listen. But if you’re too willing.. Just get back here before 12. Or at least that’s the approximate time your father would come home on Fridays.”

“You’re seriously the best person ever. God bless you.” She’d smile uncontrollably whilst hugging the older woman for a split second before dashing out the door and running like a bitch on her last day on Earth.

Petra snapped. Without even realising, she’d half-screamed, making each pair of eyes dart towards her. “Fuck! It’s 12!”

She’d sprinted her way out of the backstage, a part of her guilty of leaving the place. Why did she need to be rushed on the day she’d been waiting for for so long? Moreover the day she didn’t even know would exist in this petty life of hers? Despite the sudden hurry, disappointment filled her lungs till’ she could hear the sound of her heart breaking. Not literally enough, but still. Tears filled by her eyes. She didn’t want to leave. And she didn’t even have the chance to claim the free ticket she’d been offered earlier on stage. Now, there’ll be no way in hell would she have the chance to see them again.

Knowing her father and how pissed out he’d be, in spiting the fact that she’d gone to a concert without his permission, slightly trespassing the A.M when even her curfew was at ten, she’ll be experiencing hell.

Petra felt a presence running after her, slowly catching up. But the chick wasn’t the high school’s top runner for nothing. She’d sprint down the pavement that the presence had lost sight of her as she fades away into the dark, foggy night. She’d spotted Gunter’s black Toyota parked by the side of the road and how the three dorks had fallen asleep when she’d reclaim backstage. Mercilessly, Petra pulled open the door of the passenger seat and slammed it close, startling the three of them awake as she yelled, “DRIVE!”

The presence stood there, heaving a pant. “..Where the hell?” He hadn’t even had the chance to ask for her name. Suddenly, he felt a hand lowered on his shoulder.

He turned around and met none other than his band mate, Levi - also known as the bassist. The shorter man raised a brow. “Is this Cinderella on purpose? Because I’ve..”

The next day had been depressing. At least she hadn’t gone through the inferno she’d been expecting throughout the pass-the-speed-limit drive from downtown back to her house. Turns out it was a Saturday where her father wouldn’t be home until 2, dumbass Nifa had mistaken the calendar again. But, that still didn’t change the fact that she won’t ever get the chance to show up next Saturday again, not ever. She couldn’t face Nifa in the eye anymore on that very Sunday morning, having mixed feelings about the maid over a silly little accident. If it wasn’t for her convincing, though, Petra wouldn’t have showed up feeling safe at the concert; heck, she doesn’t even know wether she’d show up if Nifa didn’t tell her to at least be back by 12. But the maid still messed up her destiny. Or not.

Pissed off, she’d left earlier than usual to her part-time shift in Coffee Beans somewhere not far from town. She’d driven her father’s old white Ford with Arctic Monkeys blasting through the radio, definitely not in the mood for Wings of Freedom tracks that would only remind her of the day before, making her go through a mental breakdown of tears disposal once again.

Shift had gone pretty well; bells chiming as customers exchange their ways in and out, muffled conversations that Petra just couldn’t give two shits about, clinking forks and laughs ringing her ears. The only thing that had kept her interested and awake by then was the amazing aroma of coffee beans and cinnamon buns hung in the air. That was, until, a short figure made it’s way into the café.

It approached the cashier and only then Petra could scan who it was. And instead of the regulars she’d expect showing up strangely and greet later on.. It was none other than the Levi Ackerman of Wings of Freedom.

She’d had her own world to fangirl by then, since none in the café had realised the appearance of this hot bassist, as they busy themselves into their stupid little conversations and totally miss the artist’s show up. Unplanned, winter grey eyes locked with Petra’s amber coloured orbs for a second that felt like a year - and Petra could witness Levi’s eyes widen for a split second before completely calming back to his own dull-but-somehow-still-sexy-as-hell eyes. She hadn’t even gotten ready to expect it coming out of his mouth. “Oh, it’s honey from last night’s concert. What a coincidence.”

Petra eyed Levi from top to bottom; he’d dressed casually, a plain black hoodie and tight grey jeans donning his legs, a pair of washed out sneakers and a torn bag hanging by his shoulders. No one in the streets could tell it was him unless they’d scan his face for a minute. Pretty impressive. “..!” Petra had internally freaked out and mentally fell off of the high stool she’d been sitting on as she realised how Levi had remembered her.

“Jeez, calm down.” Levi rolled his eyes, nearing the counter and Petra felt herself blushing all over again. Though the somewhat rude sight of Levi didn’t surprise her, the fandom knew well enough of his behaviours. He’d glanced over her name tag stuck onto her emerald coloured apron before looking her right in the eye, the corners of his lips smirking. “Guess the question’s answered now, huh, Petra,”

She internally screamed again. He had been listening to hers and Erwin’s conversation from last night. Truth be told, Levi Ackerman had never drift his gaze away from the strawberry blonde since the second she’d set foot onto the stage.

The smirk faded off. “You weren’t mute yesterday for all I’d know. Get me an iced coffee.” Levi scoffed, fishing his wallet out and flicking dollars from it. He passed the cash over to Petra (who was still sitting there looking high as fuck and questioning her own existence), whom had only noticed a concert ticket was stiff - handed together by Levi, along with the dollars he’d shallowed. Petra wanted to scream physically. ..Did he seriously save this for me? Hadn’t even been two complete minutes since Levi had walked into the café, and Petra was already on the verge of her seat.

“..You saved this?” Petra had finally uttered the word that had longed to be out. Slowly, she’d even forgotten he was one of the stars in her addictive fandom-ed band. Last night’s nervousness and excitement was still all over her, but somehow she’d feel a little calmer by that very second just being in front of the bassist of the band. Okay, maybe a lot calmer.

He didn’t respond for one second and immediately darted his eyes away. “..Tch, Thought I’d keep this for my stupid neighbour who’s a fan. Honestly didn’t expect to see exist in my life t’day. But yeah, you would’ve gotten one if you didn’t run off yesterday.”

She felt embarrassed over and over again. Slightly shaking her head, also thanking and insisting him to lend the ticket to his neighbour although she didn’t really mean handing it back, just a common gratitude. And when she knew it, it’s her turn to explain.

“I’ve.. kinda.. trespassed my curfew. My father would go ape shit every time I do it. I haven’t been more disappointed in my life, though, just skipping the backstage hour..”

Levi let out a low chuckle. “Eh, I see. Guess you’d still have your chance to show up next week, but don’t pull off a Cinderella and sprint down the pavement again.”

Petra softly laughed, and for an unverified reason, the nervousness in her lungs shrunk away to god knows where. Just talking to someone - Levi Ackerman the bassist, specifically - and having a casual conversation felt so great. “Yikes. I won’t do it again,” She continued laughing.

“I’ve still been wondering, though.” Levi suddenly spoke.

Petra stopped laughing and stared at him, an eyebrow raised. This time, curiosity ran through her guts. If it’s my name you’ve been wondering about, I’m pretty damn sure you’ve said it about a minute ago. “Mhm?”

Levi pulled a plastic from his backpack, the strawberry blonde cashier growing more and more curious as he zip the backpack again. And when Petra traced over the outline of the object wrapped in the white plastic bag, her face flushed deep red as she remembered something she’d thought she’d forgotten.

The raven haired man started. “Just who the hell wears glass slippers to a concert?”

#rivetra au #levetra #levi x petra #rivetra #letra #petra x levi #rivapeto #slight erutra bc y not #erutra

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