#//one of my characters *had* do this im sorry lmao | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

amelia-yap · 2 years ago

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fishy

#ruby rose #weiss schnee #blake belladonna #yang xiao long #derg AU #rwby #my art #tis a school assignment #could you tell this was rushed lmao because it was #spedrun the shit outta this #the bg was given and all we had to do was insert any character we wanted #blake and yang's outfits were just a random mash of their canon ones lol #yang looks so ugly in this im so sorry baby #casually hides all their feet in grass/water so i dont have to deal with them 🤣#overall this would've looked better if i didnt procrastinate hfjsahfjahjaghs

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can-of-slorgs · 8 months ago

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caw 🦅

#neopets #neotag #neoart #eyrie #mutant #vin doods #I can't beat the allegations that i doodle dnd creatures on a daily with this one huh #god i love mutants eyries so much i'm sorry i gavehim more draconic features but uGH;#what great colours lmao #I also gave inverted knees to the hooves cause i aint doing whatever neos doing #can you tell i have a thing for dnd and dragons in general im so sorry JAKLSDF #also in topic i've been so wanting to make a neo player's manual for so stupidly long its insane #might actually do it at one point #i had species and proficiencies and everything at one point i think its all gone lol #also for a fact that i'd be a me-thing for the most part #like i'd be the only one wanting it or playing according to it #my other friends none like neopets so yeah #god do i want to dm a neopian adventure i have tons planned lmao #but oh well #i'm super greatful for all positive commenta ad every like and reblog you guys ave given meeeee #i sound like a broken record but i swear i try to not leave this blog for long but i always read your tags and crack up to them sajhas #i know i've left a couple of you on read that actually wanted to know about my characters BUT IM SO SORRYYYY #my master's taking so long and everytime there's something new and have to rewrite and replan everthing everyday i hate it here #but i will do it #i know i will #both the lore writting and my thesis HASJKHASJS #anyways if you're still reading dont be afraid to shoot up a couple of messages! It might make this blog less dead

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crystalkitty1220 · 6 months ago

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Man I wonder where the leader of the fear realm could've gone, it's alMOST LIKE NEVIN HAS AN

#had to re-edit the image real quick because the original edit was from a post I made about Drew years ago #and while the Drew thing is becoming less and less likely. Nevin havinv one has basically been canon since #someone mentioned Greg's (was it Britney's) aura being familiar in s2ch1. ive been putting together a list of every line #that points to Nevin's aura throughout the whole thing (most from s2ch1 but then s2ch10 came out and it was really canon at that point)#but clearly i'm running out of time to say ''i fucking called it'' before it's explicitly stated and i dont want to be in another situation #where somebody else will beat me to a theory and me posting anything about it will seem like copying them. sorry about that btw i had #thought i had already mentioned theorizing that nevin was possessed by a demon in that old theory i made but i had forgotten that one was #super old and was about sigma. so no copying there i just got extremely paranoid there was a mention of a cult and i was like ''nuh uh #that's way too specific and out there of a detail to end up in both our theories'' and i forgot the rest of my super old post was outdated #as hell. and echos had gone ''yeah they're so similar!'' and i took their word for it but now i'm realizing they were probably just trying #to be supportive. so yeah no copying there i was just beaten to the punch of saying something. but i will NOT back down from the aura shit #because i have been calling that shit FROM THE START or at least since i started reading ibvs back when ch20 came out.#also not backing down from saying chris was the worse friend because these past few chapters are the first time isaac has done anything tha #could knowingly upset chris meanwhile chris has. let edward drag isaac to the lair after isaac said edward would beat him up. chose not to #believe edward was holding the secrets over their heads because 'it was something isaac had said' and then immediately distrusted edward in #the next chapter because a random person he didn't know said to steal a book (might i mention how that entire scene proves chris' lack of #development and refusal to take responsibility because it perfectly alludes to when chris had brought those fireworks into his old school #and makes me wonder if charlie has actually gotten him in trouble with his past schools or if he's still just not taking responsibility #and if him following nevin to the woods to test out their powers is an extension of ''if something bad happens its not my fault''#like seriously this man would bring a mysterious suitcase onto a plane if he's told to). uh what was i talking about agai #anyway on a related note my mental state has only gotten worse since i left tumblr and the habit of thinking about chris instead of sleepin #or doing schoolwork has not stopped. so i was still failing for a while and might graduate now but am still staying away from tumblr.#so yeah this was a little update and im not going to linger this time im just going to leave tumblr again right after hitting post #addendum because i just can't let things go. and was thinking about chris again. i don't think his lack of development is because of bad #writing (anymore. i used to.). instead i'm certain his character arc is going to continue into him following someone (nevin probably) into #doing something really bad. and then he'll finally get actual consequences and go 'oh shit i fucked up real bad this time'#if you think that theory is reaching too far into the future you should hear mine about isaac dying at the end lmao

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todayisafridaynight · 7 months ago

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I’m fairly new to the fandom, but I do have a question if you can answer it! Why do people ship Daigo with Aoki / Masato? I tried looking to see if they’ve interacted before, but couldn’t find anything! Sorry for asking I’m just </3 dumb AND I LOVE YOUR ART OF THEM!!! Nerd looking ahhhhhh

hi ! welcome to the community i hope you're having a lovely time so far and ty for enjoyin my stuff :) no need for apologies it's a very fair question to have :]

i cant speak for everyone (all. ten people into masadai anyway) but Personally To Me i just think the idea of them together is very funny. thats quite literally it im afraid..

#snap chats #//twenty page google doc in the background// ignore that. it's mostly for comedic purposes #might also be my fault idk sorry about that. allegedly. idk ive had like three people tell me they started to ship them cause of me 🧍‍♂️#@mementoasts is another person who's drawn masadai and whose stuff i love and am inspod by .. i love their disneyland fic sm ...#there was another artist on twitter who posted a neat drawing of them but i cant remember who they were and i didnt bookmark it //screams//#recently there's been ANOTHER masadai artist ive started following on twitter - @wifekiryu. his account's n/s/f/w fyi before you go looking #he has a tumblr too @foxdies. i say cause i realized as much recently vjeaKLGJALKGJ #oh but I GUESS ill get deeper into why. /i/ personally ship masadai or whatever #first off they're opposing factions yet their character alignments Do Not Match their roles. stereotypically anyway #aoki who leads the 'surface' of society and is meant to be an admirable figure and someone 'just' when really. he sucks LMAO #though that's not atypical of politicians but just from a stereotypical This Is A Respectable Individual perspective of his role #daigo on the other hand leads the 'underbelly' of society- yk comprised of dangerous criminals and outcasts and whatnot #yet as we know him daigo's compassionate and considerate of his men- he doesnt treat them like tools like aoki does #if put in a room with the two daigo would be most people's choice of person to hang out with. probably open a trapdoor on aoki tbh #and i think thats really cool and epic i always love that kinda Subverting Expectations thing #theres also the fact they both started off like. edgy/angsty in the franchise and then brush up down the line #masato does a stronger 180. publicly. obviously but its still really funny they both have to get their act together #if you wanna talk about in-text reasons. there really is none LMAO I TELLS YOU masadai is pure crack #but if i wanted to pull a muscle reaching then there's daigo being on aoki's side while everyone else is on arakawa's during the funeral #im lying of course. mitsu was behind him. rgg tryna make me forget mitsu exist .... put him back in y8 ....#and ofc ichi joins that side to even out the seating but moving on another Goofy Reason is arakawa being like #'the chairman and my son are like p much the same age Surely he knows how he thinks :)'#and then i just think daigo being all smarmy about outsmarting aoki is really goofy and im choosing to interpret that as personal #they both also have issues with their dad. s. dad/s/. anyway.#tbh the google doc tag was a joke but i really could sit here and list every dumb reason why i think theyre funny together #like i started going over the tag limit so uhhhh yeah needless to say i have a lot of. dumb reasons 💀💀💀💀#one day ill use the main text for long rambles like this but todays not that day Point Is my imagination is rampant im afraid #so the short and sweet of it is I Think It's Funny. And They'd Be Terrible Together. Which Is Why It's Funny.#and the unfortunate part is anything i find funny i obsess over for a year so. //gestures to the mountain of bullshit thats my masadai tag/

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themyscirah · 4 months ago

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Okay so basically the United States MINT of all people is going to be working with DC to make a line of coins! These coins sadly won't be in circulation (the things I would do to live in a world where I could get Batman coins from the supermarket) as they're collectors coins, but will be releasing over the course of the next 3 years, 2025-2027.

Designs haven't been released yet (the same is true for all 2025 designs) but we know there will be 9 coins in total (3 each year) with the first year featuring (of course!!!) Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman.

Although we know the first three heroes to be featured, the remaining six have yet to be decided, and it turns out the Mint is putting out a survey on their site to gauge which of a group of culturally significant heroes people want to see most! (link to the form is mentioned in the article above)

The considered group includes: Supergirl, the Flash, Green Arrow, Black Canary, Captain Marvel, John Stewart GL, Aquaman, Hawkman, Jamie Reyes BB, Robin (Damian?), Cyborg, and Batgirl, of which 6 will be selected.

As someone who does a bit of coin collecting myself (mainly circulation coins like the quarters sets, but I also have a couple proof and collectors coins) I think this is a really cool and interesting idea that showcases the history of the comics medium and these characters and their influence on American culture. Really excited to wait and see what the designs look like for the coins already announced!

#ABSOLUTELY INSANE TO ME #sorry just. only thing that could make this crazier is if these were circulating. i would fucking die actually lmao #i mean you could buy something with one of these legally but like youre an idiot if you do that so likeeee #someone showing up with the solid gold superman collector coin and its only legally worth a dollar lmao #not that someone would do this but future generations/archeologists finding a coin in some ruins and it just has like. batman on it #amazing to me #also just the transition from us currency having all fake people (lady liberty some random native american guy etc.) and then going to real #people and presidents then expanding that to honor people that they believe should be honored (think the harriet tubman coin set right now)#and representing beauty and innovation and culture through representation of the states #only through that lens to swing back around and have fake people on the coins again in the form of the freaking dc trinity. insane to me #no one ever gets me when im nerding out over coins its okay. at least its not postage stamps (i actually do have some special postage stamps #its like 1 sheet though it was for the 2017 eclipse and the image changes from totality to the moon with the heat of your finger theyre so #cool okay) anyways i like dont really know that much abt coins lol i originally saw a post abt this on reddit 💀 lol and had to check this #was real which is insane. anyways my dad got my all my coin stuff ive got a proof set from the year i was born albums to hold the 50 states #and national parks (america the beautiful but its 90% natl park designs lets be honest here) quarter collections as i find them irl #(dont have an album for us women yet sadly but do have some of the coins) as well as a few dimes and other circulation albums i havent used #much. and then i have a few collectibles like the hubble telescope $1 coin the 50th anniversary apollo 11 one and the 2021 anniversary peace #dollar. though like not the gold ones or anything like that lol but yeah. i talk abt coins every once and a while with friends and i know #things but then my dad is in the car and its like nevermind lol.#also put a ? after damian's name bc theres a chance it could be dick and they just used the wrong picture. because some of the character #bios had names but his didnt and seemed very dick grayson (acrobatics mention “batman's partner” etc) but not so specfic exclude either one #and the pick was damian. but then the ollie pick was goateeless for some reason so who knows #culturally dick is more important but dami is current so idk #dc comics #blah #ive really been learning so much today. first all in announcement and subsequent leaks and now this. what a ride #also love how im anticipating and know future comics things lol. when did that happen haha. ive really transitioned from only reading back #issues and never knowing current events to following a lot of releases lol and somehow finding out about the freaking coin collection...#crazy how that happens #cant scroll up at that first image without losing it a bit still actually. what a world we live in. anyways take your bets who is gonna be

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frobby · 5 months ago

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i love madoka magica however i dont think we as a fandom talk enough about how tragic madoka herself is. probably because the narrative itself steers you away from thinking about her personally. shes not a character shes a desire that homura has, shes a force of good, shes homura's foil. but those are all madoka's narrative roles but madoka herself as a person is not really looked at because we are viewing this world from an unreliable narrator(homura) who only sees madoka as those things. The best thing homura could have done for madoka was give up on her, to let her go. because every time we go back in time the image of madoka is distorted, she loses more of herself every regression of homura's as she tries harder and harder to save her. We don't even know what madoka originally wished for to become a magical girl in the original timeline. and she actually acts quite differently than the madoka we meet. shes a lot more honest and caring and bold. by the time homura's has reached the actual anime madoka has been reduced by the sands of time to a figment of herself. she has no wants or desires of her own beyond wanting to do good and help her friends and when all her humanity is stripped away is when she finally acends to godhood because thats all thats left of her. an ideal and a faith in her. madoka kaname died a long time ago and all that is left is her ghost.

#of course homura doesnt care anymore because she cant go back she can only go forward cuz if she gives up she killed madoka for nothing #she could have left her pass away with dignity but now shes a ghost stuck in a web of time and the only thing she can do is keep trying #to save her #i feel like inately homura knows this but she doesnt want to admit to herself thats shes the real one who killed madoka kaname #this is a very charitable reading of homura #homura died too but its a clear moment because homura is our narrator #homura akemi will never come back madoka kaname will never come back #but life goes on anyway for homura #heres my truth #i loved rebellion but im actually a bigger fan of the original anime's ending so im glad it seems like red ribbon homu is coming back #i thought that ending was a lot more hopeful and beautiful and rebellion was kind of a downer but i always accepted they were parallel #and seems im right based on posters #for walpurgis #madoka uses one of my favorite literary devices which is the underuse of a character #i dont know whats it called but i love it when they dont outright develop a character usually to signal an upholding of the status quo #i already explained how madoka is not shown as a character but they do this in princess tutu too with mytho #mytho is a character from a book hes not real in the way that the others are and therefore cant actually change like the others can #hes always the focus of others and never the one thinking of others #i mean yeah he spends like the whole anime thinking about tutu but thats PART of his book its not him as a person #anyway ive been talking too much but i wanna bring up my favorite subtle use of this in takopi's original sin #the boy #idk his name rn lmao #hes straight up not present for the bulk of the manga and hes legit just absent from the ending scene despite being one point of a triangle #at first that weirded me out like??? he doesnt get closure???#but the reason was he didnt need it #the focus and moral is that those girls were 'weird' unable to be normal (because of trauma) and their closure was theyre at least together #but he doesnt need that because hes already normal hes the status quo a benchmark for the reader for the reader to judge the characters off #and the characters to judge eachother off of #anyway anyway sorry this has been so long #i had to get all of that out of me

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cinnabeat · 5 months ago

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literally what was the point of hiding brains face in the beginning

#was it for the murder mystery plot #i mean #i didnt really consider him The Killer #he was just the likely option bc of process of elimination #at least for me its like well obviously it cant be ventus hes The Good Guy (LMAO)#and it cant be lauriam bc he is GENUINELY distressed about strelitzia his sister #so brain was the only one left in my eyes #i never even considered the vanitas angle in regards to ven tbh #like i never forget theyre connected #but vanitas is a whole separate character to me #and as far as we knew at this point vanitas only cane about bc master xehanort pulled them apart #and i guess you could argue that vanitas is proof that ven had the capability for darkness since the beginning #but that would involve a whole discussion about personhood and nature vs nurture that i do Not have enough tags for but just know i think th #that idea is bad and wrong #not that ven always had the capacity for murder or whatever #like ee all have a little darkness in us this has been established #we cant all be princesses of hesrt #ANYWAYS i swear im not gonna get into it rn bc i do Not have the space #but anyways the vanitas angle and all relevant theories from that never occurred to me #but if i knew about it im not sure if i would have agreed? like im not sur ei wouldve been like yeah that seems likely #if someone argued for it passionately enough i mightve been convinced tho #im a sucker gor long theory posts even if theyre too deep #anyways #why did they cover brains face for so long he wasnt even hiding anything #just being dramatic #imagine he had an eyepatch #xigbar style #i am 5 minutes into the fandub im sorry i have so many thoughts #michi tag

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orcelito · 6 months ago

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For that post I just reblogged:

So I had Orcelito in the first tournament. And I just submitted Astel Paschalis, the main character of the manga Tel Cel by Yugyouji Tama (the same mangaka as +C: Sword and Cornett that Orcelito is from)

Got curious. Double checked my urls.

.... I've been sitting on the canon url of that manga's protagonist's name for about 8 years now 😅😅😅

If that doesn't show how obscure he is, I don't know what else would.

#speculation nation #sorry to any potential yugyouji tama fans out there for hogging not one but TWO canon main character name urls #i really dont think it's a huge problem tho. considering next to no one knows this fucking character lmao. oh well.#also dont worry about the middle one. that's an old url i had back in 2016 (after the da2 character)#and it will just point back to this blog. archived the url to leave a trail of urls (as i always do)#im not a massive url hoarder. just a handful of my old urls and a handful of obscure things like this.#it does make me feel a little bad tho maybe 😅 whoopsie #maybe i should use this sideblog to reblog the posts Astel is in. if he gets in.#OMG since he's an A name he'd appear so much faster than Orcelito did!!! i was waiting for MONTHS for orcelito!!!!#rly hoping he's accepted for that tournament 🥺🥺🥺 id enjoy that very much.

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boycaca · 6 months ago

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Usually I wouldn’t gaf about this and move on but two times have i seen a character that the western part of fandom has a large group of people headcanoning them as trans getting informed about a mistranslation or misinterpretation that lead the group of people headcanoning that character as trans even harder have some random ass mfs go “see they’re not transgender 😂😂 westerners always trying to make them woke 😂😂 tired of these western fans not understanding cultural differences 😂😂 now theyre gonna start calling you transphobic be careful op 😂😂” when the original post never even denied that headcanon and was simply spreading information…. I find it so odd that these people are so quick to denying a simple headcanon that doesnt affect them at all. Or maybe im just looking too deep into it idk

#yes this is about scaramouche genshin impact #this was so hard to formulate lmao #again like usually i see stuff like this and roll my eyes because their goofy opinions truly do not affect me #but again i just find it. so odd that you immediately jump to denying a harmless headcanon #like no people dont think you’re transphobic for not headcanoning that character as trans #they think you’re transphobic because you constantly incist that that character could never EVEERAAHH be trans #like. ok??#i see this in the same light as when someone makes a harmless ship post ‘reaching’ about their ship #and mfs being like ‘ohhmy goodd yall reaching with this one 😂😂’#as if thats not a normal thing to do in ship spaces #like someone will see two colors and go omg (ship name) and you’ll piss your pants over it but when YOU see two colors that remind you of #YOUR ship then all of a sudden its right because you did it with your ship #so people see something that could reinforce their hc (in this case #they see the eng mistranslation calling scara an ‘it’#implying that he had no gender when he was created and people interpreting that as him choosing his own gender)#and people being like NOOO YALL REACHING 💀💀#but i promise you the second those same people see something that reinforces their OWN headcanon #all of a sudden its an intentional piece of information that the writers gave us #okay im sorry for ranting i feel really embarrassed about getting worked up about this #but honestly i’d feel more embarrassed about being worked up about lbgtq headcanons. so whatever.

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candyriku · 8 months ago

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IMMENSELY regretting giving Strelitzia a girlfriend in my fic because WHAT IF she started dating Naminé.... alas I did not know Naminé would be coming until a couple of months ago and by then it was too late... alas.....

#ALSO SORRY THAT STRELITZIA HAS BEEN SO SIDELINED. UM. SHE HAD A BIGGER PART INITIALLY BUT EVERYTHING CHANGED #this fic has been such a messy writing experience LMAO i am learning as i go #maybe ill do a “what if” strelitzia/namine oneshot set in the universe of jtsys... just for fun #is that even a pairing? idk. but naminé is here now and i bet strelitzia is FASCINATING to her. omg.#im imagining them together and feeling a little feral actually. hmm. as a lesbian i feel like it is my duty to write this #SORRY JADE #jtsys fic #pluffie talks #< jade - a character i was originally going to flesh out but now just exists in one scene kind of exposition. sorry girlie

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adriartts · 2 years ago

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Something about purpose and pasts, old worlds and new ones.

(Dialogue from @dungeonsanddragonsfifthedition‘s Bird and Bear are Friends)

#original #nightlings #fauns #ANYHWAY. having an incredibly normal one #*slaps roof of mini-comic* this bad boy can fit so much fucking worldbuilding in it #bird and bear are friends lives rent free in my brain. omg they are. f.riends #me preparing to draw reiji: that's it you're going to the fucking grassland. get in the plains idiot #i fuck hard with the bright panel in the middle here. didn't turn out exactly as it was in my brain but i like it a ton either way #it's the only warm colors. they're hella saturated even more so than i usually saturate my colors. resembles either an explosion or the sun #both mean something to the world or the characters respectively so either interpretation is correct #redesigned the tattoo on milo's left arm again because i changed how the moons function. dig it tho and now it's got LORE lmao #the three panels of reiji that overlap the sun look really good. i like his fucked up eyes #all the hands. he's signing. his hair is down and the jewelry is gone. it's the middle of the night. he'd been sleeping #constellations as something that follows milo. stars as something that reiji follows #reiji's colors were initially more saturated but he was TOO fucking purple so i had to change it #their speech bubbles are complimentary colors. sorry. ill be SO normal dude i promise im so incredibly normal bro #apparently around thanksgiving every year I need to do a minicomic. last year was fierce deity comic. now u get ocs #now you get THIS GUY (plural)#my fucked up little creatures who are here to wander around and Find Out #my fucked up little guys who are here to exist on the ashes of an older world. and be friends about it #my fucking. these dudes. make a normal character then shoot them with my beam that makes them a fucked up little fantasy creature.#get creatured. idiot #ONE more. i simplified milo's design a lil for the sake of clarity. mostly just the fur pattern is typically not so defined but for the...#...small panels especially. it didn't look good to draw it all out. ok NOW i'm done #Milo Montalvo #Reiji Droet #oc #ocs

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4giorno · 1 year ago

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omg the screenshots in this dream place are basically accurate 😭💖

#its like im finally like i can see him i see my darling boy!!!!!#even if the side on our left isnt exactly right still #believe it or not its a big deal to me hkdxjjdfkfkf #anyway some more lore of him that i didnt yet share is that his instrument is the violin his subclass in college of lore #and he has the guild artisan background. so maybe that gives more of a picture of what hes like jdjfhdjjf #lmao SORRY for posting abt him again im just rlly attatched to him bc this game has consumed my brain #and ive played as him for over 30 hours now 💀 and im only at the beginning of act 2 which is crazy bc i didnt do nearly everything in act 1 #(but im kinda like am i gonna get to a place over ground again? 💀 i dont like exploring places like the shadow lands or the underdark #in any game so i find it hard to find the strength to wander from the main quest. plus i have a vampire with me #and his bite is useless against the undead 😭)#speaking of which omg i obv just looked at my media gallery and bc the time i died from letting astari0n drink was the first time #that i had that event it gave me the trophy and the ps5 saves a clip of you getting trophies so i have it forever saved #when my character faded away and the 'oh no something terrible happened' comment and the clip KILLS me #also even tho this hair is perfect i have one regret and its that it hides his elf ears 😭#anyway have you seen my boy? now you have byeeeee #(EDIT i actually think i did already say his instrument is the violin....... whoops its too early in the tags to fix)

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forever-unsure-self · 1 year ago

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10yo me doing normal singlet shit like.. making a list of the different parts of me and.. roleplaying with the voices in my head rather than out loud like all of my friends or... creating OCs 'wrong' because it turns out she's actually a trans girl and not the guy I intended her to be

#idk how to phrase things so im sorry if it doesnt make sense fkfkdkdkd #for the rp one. i used to play pretend A LOT as a kid and you know you have your character but also you can make up NPCs if need be ?#when my friends had a conversation with an npc they would talk out loud what both characters said or did #meanwhile I would NEVER. the conversation was in my head. i only acted MY character but the npc were in my head so why play them too ???#which can be explained by other things yes #but I only realised it was weird not too long ago fkfkdkdkd and it was probably annoying to others xD my bad #rambles #plurality #questioning #also I have a hardtime roleplaying already existing characters ? if theyre not made by me I cant rp them it feels wrong #yeah it has nothing to do with the post Im just rambling about unrelated things at this point lmao #self rambling

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toytulini · 2 years ago

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. ranty hater posting leave me to old man yell at clouds in peace

#toy txt post #god not to be a hater but why is it everytime i see a '[lgbt identity]-sw/ag' poll i look at the options its like.#90% characters ive never heard of and a number of them Kinda Suck esp for the poll its a part of in favor of characters that #would fit so much better #who deserve it more. lmao i definitely care too much about this its really dumb #but that one. the fucking marshmallow from annoy/ing orange? a f/na/f character? but not a single live action nb character?#syd from odaat. JIM. FROM OFMD. THAT ONES A NONBINARY CHAR PLAYED BY A NONBINARY ACTOR.#AND YOU LEFT THEM OFF???? FOR AN ANNOYING O/RANGE CHARACTER WHOS GENDER WAS ANNOUNCED ON FUCKING #APRIL FOOLS DAY? i swear to god ive had it to here #anyway. thats my petty ranting dont show this to any of the ppl hosting those polls i hope they have fun #they are valid. to their. wrong opinions. let me be a hater in this in the tags unrebloggable rant post on my own blog #where i have purposefully tried to mispell shit to keep it out of the tags so yall dont stumble uponit accidentally and if u do. sorry.#keep scrolling leave me alone im being an old man yells at cloud about this. leave me to my cloud yelling in peace #who is making these fucking polls sbjdbsjbdjbe im losing it #what Taste is that i hate it. sorry

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gaystardykeco · 1 year ago

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not ready to go back to work tomorrow but luckily im so not ready that my brain isn't letting it fully process and so im just kind of numb except for little moments when the panic breaks through again

#feeling more and more like a robot and less and less like a person the emptier my life gets #the future is so empty like its just work and isolation forever #i have one thing left at the end of this week and then after that its just work and family and alone #and i think numbing out completely is really the only way ill be able to cope at all #i didnt used to really be able to do that but maybe now im to the point where i just have to so its become an option #idk i also might just be lying to myself and be about to get hit really hard with how bad this all is tomorrow #job interview friday. but plausibly i dont think i can take the job even if i get it bc i just dont think i can move to nyc #i just feel like ive hit a dead end #like i was a side character in someone elses story and that person has moved on so im just like floating in stasis #bc my part of the story is over i wrote myself out of their lives so i don't really exist anymore #idk my brain is telling me all these things that i know are silly but feel so true and i just am tired and empty #sorry to be dramatic and complain again just dreading work so bad #i just dont see any path forward thats not this forever loop like i cant make or have real connections with other ppl #and thats whats supposed to make a life real and worth living #but ive never had the capacity to connect right and ive never had passion for anything and ive never been able to really love and be loved #and i dont know how to fix any of it bc honestly i dont think any of its fixable #ill always be an emotionally harmful drain on anyone i think i love and ill always be left when they realize that #and then ive just hurt another person and i dont want to be a person that just hurts people so i cant be around people anymore #but its so empty and its so lonely and i hate myself so fucking much #anyway. i sound like a pathetic whiny teenager lmao sorry i know how stupid it all is i promise

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smol-tired-binch-blog · 1 year ago

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Sometimes I think I must consume media wrong because I don't remember The Lottery by Shirley Jackson fucking me up

Like sure I read it and was like 'wait hang on, what- oh dear.' but I didn't have the 'Dude That Was So Fucked Up I Am Fundamentally Changed As A Person' experience everyone else apparently had

And that ain't a flex btw this ain't a "oh I can read the most fucked up stuff and feel NOTHING" kinda bullshit I just. Wasn't that deeply affected lmao

#but also i got a B in English Literature A Level so I must be doing somethin right lmao #smol speaks #im trying to think why it didnt really mess with me. it wasnt a 'shocking twist' it's Where The Story Went to me #then again i dont remember many specifics from when i was younger. hell i barely remember the last week. i do know we read it though #i dont remember what conclusions i reached or what we even discussed. however i CAN think of a story that did affect me as a kid:#Lola Rose by Jacqueline Wilson. I read it in primary school and have reread it multiple times. i felt such a connection with Lola Rose #she was so similar to me even though we also had differences (her fear and hatred of sharks vs my love of them) (though her fear made sense #i dont think ive ever empathized with a character so much. and that book introduced me to the concept of abusive parents i think.#the idea of a parent who didnt simply love you but sometimes went about it wrong or made mistakes. but one who *actively* hurt their family #rereading that book again as an adult is heartbreaking ESPECIALLY the 'Voice of Doom' sections which *holy fuck i relate to*. there's such #dread and fear in that book but luckily there is hope and joy!! but God above the shit that girl deals with. anyway maybe reading a story #about a weird festival that ends with a stoning doesnt hit as hard when youve read about a girl seeing the bruises on her mother's chest #in the bath and having to tell her 5 year old brother they ran away from Dad because he hurt Mum and his response is 'but she deserves it'#abuse mention #better tag that huh. yeah sorry i put half the post in the tags again GOD i should make an actual Lola Rose post

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